#i included the books my dad left here about farming this time

[intermundia]

lmao i really thought i had 2.3k books based on a hazy memory of a count i did when i last moved in 2019, but i just did a recount out of stress waiting for my job interview later this afternoon and i'm thrilled and despairing to report that the actual count is 3,027 books in my house not including magazines or ebooks or audiobooks or anything like that. 3,027 physical books lmao i would say i have a problem but it's not hoarding if it's books right, that's just being a book collector as a hobby. im a librarian of a.. private library. right. yes.

[nanowrimo]

The Importance of Filipino Stories: Celebrating Filipino American History Month

October is Filipino American History Month. With more than 4.2 million individuals of Filipino descent here in the U.S., we know there are at least 4.2 million stories to cherish and celebrate! Today’s story comes from Josie Gepulle, our fall 2022 Editorial intern and proud Filipino American. It wasn’t until I was in my second year of college that I got my first reading assignment on Filipino American stories.

At my university, I was taking a history course entitled “American Radicals and Reformers.” Halfway through the semester, I learned about Larry Itilong, a Filipino migrant laborer who went on to lead the five-year Delano Grape Strike in California and later co-founded the United Farm Workers of America.

I’m pretty sure my jaw actually dropped hearing about this. An actual Filipino American made his way into the history books, one who had a profound impact on the labor movement. 

That’s also when it really hit me: there was a lack of Filipino stories in my life.

I grew up in a small suburban Texas town. I was the first and only Filipino my community saw, so I don’t really blame anyone for their ignorance. It was frustrating, however, to receive several comments like, “Are you sure you’re Asian? You don’t look like it at all.” or “Where is the Philippines anyway?” I didn’t understand at that time because I’m proud of my heritage, but what does that mean to a world that doesn’t even know you exist? The most recognition I’ve gotten is from veterans recalling war buddies or travelers who visited Manila once.

I learned the history of the Philippines from my dad, not school. The Philippines, it seems, had no place in the story of America, despite being one of its former colonies. Even the mainstream media barely acknowledged our culture and our community. Any reference to the Philippines seemed to only refer to Manila and how the language was Tagalog. I couldn’t relate to that. My parents are from Bacolod, a city in central Philippines, where the community spoke Illongo. The narrative America wanted to tell about the Philippines, as limited as it was, was not one I could fit into.

It took me a long time to identify as a Pinoy writer. That same year at college when I learned about Larry Itliong, I attended a special event where I heard Jose Antonio Vargas, the famed journalist and immigration rights activist, and openly undocumented Filipino American, give a talk about his book, Dear America: Notes from an Undocumented Citizen. He, too, was a storyteller and writer, just like I wanted to be.

I finally realized I wasn’t alone. I didn’t need to be the author who put the Philippines in the history book. Several writers already did that for me. Carlos Bulosan wrote the famous America Is in the Heart, establishing the Filipino American perspective in literature. Then there are the writers of today, like Elaine Castillo with her book America Is Not the Heart, a clear callback to Bulosan. While Filipino Americans may have different interpretations of their identities, these stories are very much in dialogue with each other.

Each story, including mine, is only a small piece in a much larger puzzle. My own perspective that only represents a tiny fraction of Filipino history. The Philippines is made up of 7000+ islands and has 120+ spoken languages. We have our own history and mythology that existed long before the Americans came and long before the first colonizers, the Spaniards, arrived as well. While colonialism has tried time and time again to erase our stories, remembering our traditions and history is how they live on. We don’t want these stories to become forgotten simply because they’re left out of school curriculums. However, I do have to take a moment to be grateful for virtual spaces, especially those for writers. While my family is no longer the only Filipino family in my city, it was online where I met my very first Pinoy friends. Together, we traded experiences, laughing at the little tics that our families share. That, too, is an important part of the story. My friends and I aren’t famous, but aren’t those cherished moments together part of our experience as well?

And well, NaNoWriMo is the perfect time to explore your own stories, isn’t it? I remember being drawn to the challenge a long time ago, when I was a tiny middle schooler who felt so lonely in the giant world. NaNo made me believe that my story truly mattered, not just to everyone in the Philippines and America, but to me, the person who all my writing is eventually for. There’s no way I, or anyone for that matter, can accurately describe the story of every single Filipino, let alone Filipino American, out there. But you can talk about your story. Personally, I want to write characters who speak Ilonggo or grew up the only Filipino in their class. Maybe your characters will speak Cebuano or Ilocano. No matter what, Pinoys will get to be main characters! They’ll have grand adventures or share quiet moments with their loved ones. We’ll share our culture, our heritage with the world.

Together, our story will be told. Dungan ta sulat!

Josie Gepulle is a longtime NaNoWriMo fan, spending her teenage years lurking on the YWP forums and procrastinating her novel writing. She loves hearing the unique stories that come from writers all over the world and believes every voice is worth listening to. She enjoys the many different forms storytelling comes in, doing everything from analyzing TV shows to drawing her favorite characters. She can be found scribbling notes or doodling with an array of pens by her side. If you’d like to learn more about Filipino American History Month, here are some more sites to explore.

10 Ways to Celebrate Filipino American History Month

National Today

Filipino American National Historical Society

FAHM Resources and Creators to learn from (IG Post)

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Wheel of Time! Chapter 5: Winternight

Welcome back to the reread that has caused both my tablet and my fire cube to glitch out in horrible, frustrating ways for no apparent reason! There are many spoilers going forward (like the fact that this will cause me to snap), so if you don't want that sort of thing, run.

In the Two Rivers that often included three or four generations under one roof, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and nephews. Tam and Rand were considered out of the ordinary as much for being two men living alone as for farming in the Westwood.

Makes you wonder what did happen to Tam's family. Presumably there were some deaths (maybe that's why he left the region in the first place; trying to get away from grief), but you'd think he'd have some cousins or something that would merit a mention. Or maybe the al'Thors were incredibly inbred and used to be a Congar/Coplin tier clan until they all died.

“I’ll start some stew for supper. And as long as we’re here, we might as well get caught up on a few chores.”

Already it's the worst Bel Tine ever, but don't worry Rand, it will get worse.

A broad oaken table was the main feature of the room other than the fireplace, a table long enough to seat a dozen or more, though there had seldom been so many around it since Rand’s mother died.

Because of course it's up to women to coordinate social events, even if they're outlanders who don't have the decades of social networking that their husbands do.

I skipped over a whole bunch of chores, btw. It's good scene setting but there's not much else to say about it.

...The Travels of Jain Farstrider sat on the table...

Hi Jain! For the first few books, your own title sounded like something rather old and well-established, The Travels of Marco Polo not as seen by his contemporaries but by the people of the 1500s. Now we know it's actually a very recent tome, not much older than Rand, which means that he's lucky to have a copy at all. Maybe Tam bought it in Illian.

There's actually a lot of domesticity stuff I'm skimming over. It helps set the calm mood that is about to be so violently shattered.

When Tam came back, Rand stared in surprise. A thick belt slanted around Tam’s waist, and from the belt hung a sword, with a bronze heron on the black scabbard and another on the long hilt. The only men Rand had ever seen wearing swords were the merchants’ guards. And Lan, of course. That his father might own one had never even occurred to him.

Of course even before that we get the mounting dread as Tam locks and bars the doors and starts rearranging the furniture.

Rand doesn't recognize the significance of the heron, which is a little odd. You'd think the sign of the blademaster would be exactly the sort of thing that stories would harp on about endlessly, like how Rand never shuts up about his man crush Lan.

“I got it a long time ago,” Tam said, “a long way from here. And I paid entirely too much; two coppers is too much for one of these. Your mother didn’t approve, but she was always wiser than I. I was young then, and it seemed worth the price at the time. She always wanted me to get rid of it, and more than once I’ve thought she was right, that I should just give it away.”

And this right here is virtually all the info we get about what might have happened in the Tam prequel that Jordan wanted to do. Two coppers doesn't seem like anything other than a complete steal for such a valuable blade, but something about Tam's statement makes me wonder if there's a lot more going on than just spending two coppers.

He had always vaguely supposed his father must have gone outside—his mother had been an outlander...

Shame that in all your years you never asked your dad about how he met your mother. Usually we get some kind of nod about how "Father never spoke of Mother" in these kinds of stories but Jordan's never actually said that and Tam seems quite open and supportive so it's just odd, like his lack of any relatives in the area. I will now endeavor to never think of these incongruities again because they don't really matter, they're just the kind of thing that you look back on make you go, "Oh yeah, these guys are fictional and not real people".

Then the Trollocs show up!

Rand felt the beginnings of an odd sort of relief. Whoever this was, it was not the black-cloaked rider.

Welp, Rand's gone into shock. Thankfully he snaps out of it and...

The creature roared, part scream of pain, part animal snarl, as boiling water splashed over its face.

Even in the first book the Trollocs are getting punked. This is only a distraction before Tam actually takes it down, but still.

Shadows, he told himself. Only shadows.

Yes Rand, the Shadow has finally come for you. Save this feeling that it's a completely inconsequential copy of what's real and true; it'll help you later. (Sadly, he will not.)

“They’re coming in the back!” The words came out in a croak, but at least they came out. He had not been sure they would. “I’m outside! Run, father!”

He starts and ends on good notes, but when you're being hunted by the forces of darkness you never give away your position even a little.

In mid-stride Tam whirled, not running toward Rand, but at an angle away from him. “Run, lad!” he shouted, gesturing with the sword as if to someone ahead of him. “Hide!”

After Rand gives away his position AGAIN, Tam bravely covers for him. You shoulda spent less time on meditation and more on emergency situations. What kind of novel by a semi-libertarian type is this that our heroes who live out in the woods besides a minimalist democratic government aren't crazy preppers whose irresponsibly placed bear traps have already killed fifteen government agentsShadowspawn?

Suddenly a hand closed over his mouth from behind, and an iron grip seized his wrist. Frantically he clawed over his shoulder with his free hand for some hold on the attacker. “Don’t break my neck, lad,” came Tam’s hoarse whisper.

Coulda whispered quicker. Geez, Rand probably pissed himself.

They kill for the pleasure of killing, so I’ve been told.

Don't sound too different from real people, do they Tam?

But that’s the end of my knowledge, except that they cannot be trusted unless they’re afraid of you, and then not far.

Is it just me, or is this rather an odd piece of trivia to know? Most good people aren't going to need to know this. Maybe Kari *had been* a Darkfriend back before she settled down and knew these things from experience?

No, of course not. But it's funny to imagine and since we don't get a prequel anymore we're all welcome to come up with the stupidest headcanons imaginable.

If he had to do it against a Trolloc he was surely just as likely to run instead, or freeze stiff so he could not move at all until the Trolloc swung one of those odd swords and. . . . Stop it! It’s not helping anything!

Realism doesn't hurt, Rand. It's good to acknowledge that battles are scary and that since you're not trained you're not likely to make a positive difference.

Creeping from tree to tree, he tried to make a plan, but by the time he reached the edge of the woods he had made and discarded ten. Everything depended on whether or not the Trollocs were still there.

Jordan, being a military man, is smart enough to know that plans don't really last in conflict, and this spreads to Rand. He also is again aware of his limitations and knows that if the house has Trollocs in it his only smart choice is to run back.

It was the light that decided him. The barn was dark. Anything could be waiting inside, and he would have no way of knowing until it was too late. At least he would be able to see what was inside the house.

Of course, you'll be quite visible as well, especially if there's anything in the barn watching. Can't blame you for not thinking everything through though - and luckily, nothing is in the barn, so that's all going to work out.

Four twisted bodies made a tangle in the remnants of the furnishings. Trollocs.

Tam did pretty fucking well to only be semi-mortally wounded while taking out four and distracting all the rest, especially for someone who claims to have had no experience with Shadowspawn, which are quite distinct from human opponents in several ways.

“Others go away. Narg stay. Narg smart.”

In a book filled with early installment weirdness, Narg really takes the cake, huh? He's also incredibly popular, though much like another incredibly popular non-human in this series I don't really get it. He's a fun but to me very forgettable meme. (NOTE TO SELF: Put in more of these hot takes in the hopes of getting angry replies to boost viewership.)

Did Jordan intend for there to be more distinct Trolloc characters over the course of the series and just never got around to it, or had to abandon them as the plans changed? Was this just laying the groundwork for Shaidar Haran? The world will never know.

Desperately he brought his sword up. The monstrous body crashed into him, slamming him against the wall. Breath left his lungs in one gasp. He fought for air as they fell to the floor together, the Trolloc on top. Frantically he struggled beneath the crushing weight, trying to avoid thick hands groping for him, and snapping jaws.

Rand's first fight. Like so many of his physical confrontations, this one ends ignominiously. His most "epic" fight is in a Sanderson book and besides that one I feel like most of his battles have high prices, ambiguous outcomes, or other weirdnesses that stop him from being Gilgamesh and keep him more at a Samwell Tarly kind of level when it comes to combat. You'd think the dude would have clued in sooner that his focus wasn't meant to be on the material world, but he is just a sheepherder I guess.

He was sure he was forgetting any number of things they would need, but Tam was waiting, and the Trollocs were coming back. He gathered what he could think of on the run.

He actually does pretty well. In a crisis, Rand tends to have a pretty clear head when he's not succumbing to madness. Anyway, he heads into the barn (it's empty and the wagon is wrecked) and promptly breaks down the wagon to at least have something to carry Tam in.

When the shaft fell free, he looked at the sword blade in wonder. Even the best-sharpened axe would have dulled chopping through that hard, aged wood, but the sword looked as brightly sharp as ever.

Every fantasy series needs to have magical blades that don't need sharpening no matter how often they're used. Jordan was probably one of the first to state that it all happened because the wizards and witches forging the blades were manipulating them at the atomic level. Even this is a cliche in the modern era though.

That thought was like a beacon as he pulled on his coat and bent to tend Tam’s wound. They would be safe once they reached the village, and Nynaeve would cure Tam. He just had to get him there.

I'm starting to wonder if any of these chapters will end without irony at this rate. Rand does *not* have the gift of Foretelling, that much is for sure.

Anyway, tune in next time for Rand's desperate trek across the Westwood. I'm sure it's just a travelogue chapter and that absolutely no life-changing revelations will be had.

[mossyscavern]

A crop to a rose.

_________________________

“Isn’t your mom going to be upset with you?”

“No, not really.. why?” Sam asked as he put one of the crates full of jam jars into the storm cellar.

“B-because I’m not supposed to be doing this stuff.” Tom answered after he adjusted his brace, picked up the last crate of jam jars and gave it to Sam. “And I-I don’t want you to get in trouble for something I did and-.” “Tom, it’ll be fine.”

Sam ushered as he put the basket into the cellar. “Are you sure? I mean-.” “She’s not going to be upset with me, she knows” Sam said as he locked up the cellar doors. “She... knows?” Tom asked.

“Yep! She knows.” He said, making sure the lock is safely secured.

“She saw how gloomy you look every time you stare out into the field, so I asked if you can join and here we are.” Sam explained after he stood up.

“Alright, I think we’re done here.” The red head said as he dusted off his hands and stared at the cellar in accomplishment. “Thank you, for including me.”

Sam turned around and smiled at Tom, then frowned when he saw a very dark cloud heading towards them quickly. “Let’s get inside before the storm hits.” Sam said as he held Tom’s hand and rushed to get inside the house.

When they did the rain had already started pouring heavily and the winds were already strong enough to sway the many branches the others already picked this morning. “Woah... how did you guys know it was going to be this bad?” Tom asked as he sat down on the chair near the window.

“Well, nature is the best weather forecast. There’s the red sunset, the dewdrops on the plants and animals are the best at predicting the weather.” Sam explained. “Oh, is that’s why your mom was up in one of the trees?” Tom asked. “Yeah, she doesn’t trust the forecast.” Sam said looking out the window.

“Can you tell me all other ways to predict a stormy weather?” Tom asked, Sam turned to Tom and nodded. “Sure, we’ve got time to kill, it isn’t much though.”

For a while Sam told Tom other ways on how to predict a stormy weather, as time passed Scarlet was going to get Sam to find Tom but saw the two have fallen asleep with Sam holding her book on his lap and Tom sleeping on her son’s shoulder while hugging him.

Smiling warmly she went to the two, switched her book with a warm blanket to share and left the room since she didn’t have the heart to wake them both up. ‘I’ll get Tim to wake them when dinners ready.’ She thought.

‘From a crop to a rose... those two deserve their break.’

_____________________

Sorry this took so long, I tried to get some of the farming stuff as close as possible..

It kind of hit close to home for my dad when I asked about the whole weather thing... and the jams are apart of the job when it comes to farming... but you guys already knew that.

The farming au is made by @vinehasnohopeleft and story is written by your pal living in a cavern... I hope you all liked it.

[nicolerrichie]

Nicole Richie interviewed by Wall Street Journal, April 29 2024

It has been over 20 years since “The Simple Life” first aired on Fox, but Nicole Richie remains one of the most indelible reality TV stars. On the show, which ran from 2003-2007, Richie and her close friend Paris Hilton left behind their glamorous lives as L.A. socialites to live on farms and in trailer parks. They quickly became known for their troublemaking and humorous antics.

Now, Richie, 42, is once again bringing a charmingly madcap presence to our screens. She plays a heightened version of a powerful boss as seen through a teenager’s eyes in this spring’s remake of “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.” Her character, Rose Lindsey, played by Joanna Cassidy in the 1991 original, unknowingly hires a 17-year-old as her assistant, and high-jinks ensue.

Off-screen, Richie, who works as creative director of her accessories line, House of Harlow 1960, mostly keeps a lower profile. She lives in Beverly Hills with her family, enjoys nature walks and begins every day at 5:30a.m., before everyone else in her house wakes up. She’s also at work developing a horror comedy. She writes in her bathroom in the mornings before going downstairs to feed her animals, which includes dogs, cats, chickens and turtles. “I should start this interview off by saying I am a Virgo,” she said, “so routines are very heavy in my life.”

Richie, who was born in Berkeley, Calif., lives with her husband, the musician Joel Madden, and their children, Harlow, 16, and Sparrow, 14. Here she discusses the scariest scary movie villain and what she’s learned from her dad, Lionel Richie.

What time do you get up on Mondays, and what’s the first time you do after waking up? I get up at 5:30a.m. every morning. I’m an early bird. The first thing I do is brush my teeth and then I read. I just finished “James,” by Percival Everett, and I’m going to go ahead and say that it’s the best book of the year, even though we’re in April. It’s going to be an American classic.

How do you like your coffee and breakfast? I drink black coffee. We make coffee here. Mornings are the craziest time in the house, between the hours of 7 and 8:30 it’s a big rush, so that’s why I wake up at 5:30, just so I can have time by myself. On Sunday, I do some baked goods, muffins or banana bread or something like that, so that everyone can just grab something and go.

What do you do for exercise? I do a combination of Pilates and circuit training three times a week.

Did you influence what your character, a fashion executive, wears in “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead?” I did have a hand in what Rose wore, knowing that every time you look at Rose, you’re looking at her through the lens of a 17-year-old. So thinking about how teenagers look at adults was something that I thought was really important, how they think adults dress. It’s a lot of suits, a lot of bright colors, primary colors, the cherry reds and the cobalt blues—what looks like an intimidating outfit to a teenager.

What would you say is the most Virgo thing about you? I’m a list-maker. I’m a receipts-keeper. By receipts, I don’t only mean grocery receipts, I mean emotional receipts. I’m a homebody who probably doesn’t come off as a homebody all the time. RuPaul said it best. He describes himself as an introvert disguised as an extrovert, and that’s something that really hit home with me. I’m always on time. I’m actually a little bit early because I don’t want anyone to call me and ask me where I am.

Would you ever write another novel? I would, but I used a ghostwriter for the first two. If I ever wrote another book, I would write it myself.

What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about things like stage presence and confidence from your dad, Lionel Richie? He is somebody who is very present. He looks people in the eye, he listens to people, he says hi to everybody and really makes people feel seen.

As one of the very first stars of reality TV, how do you feel about how the genre has evolved? Something that was so cool about doing “The Simple Life” was that it really didn’t have much to do with our daily lives. It was about us leaving our lives for 30 days and going and living other people’s lives. So I always was able to maintain a sense of intimacy and privacy within my own daily life. But I do enjoy “Vanderpump Rules,” just like the rest of ’em.

What do your children say about your iconic early 2000s style? My daughter asked if I had any of my Juicy [Couture] tracksuits that I could give to her. She was devastated when I told her those were long gone.

What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Well, I’m in the middle of a “Scandal” rewatch and Joel came in the room last night and tried to make me change it mid-episode, so we’re going through a bit of a rough patch.

Good luck getting through it. Things are tense. I would say you’ve got to let your spouse watch the shows they watch.

What’s one thing you delegate to your assistant, and what’s one thing you have to do yourself? Anything that requires anything online is something that I simply cannot do. I make all my own appointments.

Do you have any hobbies or habits that might surprise your fans? I love to spend time with my animals, my chickens. I love cooking for my family. I like to watch ’90s erotic thrillers and romantic comedies. I love to watch horror movies all year long.

Do you have a favorite of all time? Emotionally, I’m the most connected to “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” because that’s the one I grew up on. To this day, I’m still afraid of Freddy Krueger. That’s the one character that I’m definitely afraid of.

Do you have something you consider your most prized possession? My bobby pins. I don’t go anywhere without them. I have curly hair.

What do you like to splurge on? I don’t know if this is a splurge per se, but I like to go to the store to get books. It makes such a difference. And there are certain things from Erewhon. For a mom with two teens on-the-go all the time, they really do package their fruits and vegetables in a way that’s very grab-and-go.

And is there anywhere you like to pinch pennies? I have swap meets that I go to to get my T-shirts, down jackets, jean jackets.

I saw on “Jimmy Fallon” that you used to name your pet rats after “90210” actors. Do you still do thematic animal naming like that? Not after shows, but they do have very colorful names. It’s a combination of my whole family naming them. The most recent addition to our family is our cat Lavender Bumblebee. I named her myself actually. No one agreed to it, but it’s very much her, so I’m glad I stuck to it.

What’s one piece of advice you’ve gotten that’s guided you? One lesson that my mom taught me is you should never leave the house without lotion on. I was very shocked as I got older and found out some of my friends, my husband included, just walk out of the house with no lotion on. It sends chills up my body. I would never in a million years think about doing something like that. It’s scarier than Freddy Krueger.

[rosefrancaise7]

Tuesday 12 July

Including that first full day exploring old Fremantle, we have amassed some fond memories of our 5 days here in Perth – but Jess’ dad Alan has returned to the farm, my Alan and Jess are about to embark on new adventures and it is time for David and I to head home.

Here are the promised highlights from the last few days:

- Sitting on the dock at Gage Roads in Fremantle in good company, under a warm sun - drinking wine, and watching the Rottnest Island ferries roll in.

- Our two ‘Wok and Roll’ sushi picnic lunches overlooking the sparkling Swan River. It wasn’t hard for David and I to imagine sculling on this wide wonderful river. Jess and her dad already have and Alan might get the bug now that he is so close to water!

- Our rain-soaked trip down south to Margaret River, in particular, that special moment when we thought we had struck it lucky for a degustation menu at the Hay Shed winery without a booking. In the face of coastal sleet, families were determined to make the most of what was left of their school holidays, even if it meant shouting their young children a 5 course meal (presumably without the wine). If we hadn’t been so determined to be fed we would have made up for our disappointment at the cellar door. As it was, we found our way to Cape Mentelle the next morning, where we learned how usual it is to have so much rain at this time of year and how glad we should be of it because it adds depth of flavour to the wine. I momentarily stopped complaining about it after that.

- Catching up on friendships that go back to my Diploma of Youth Work days circa 1979 – people I look forward to seeing them more often now that I will be a more frequent traveller to WA!

- Continuing the Nullarbor tradition of the Cryptic Crossword every morning over breakfast. There is no better way to ensure a slow start to the day (if you are not out the door by 7am for another day of driving!)

- The Van Gogh Alive exhibition at the Supreme Court, and afterwards, a photo taken among the artificial sunflowers that reminded me of Jane among the sunflowers at Changi airport, except that those sunflowers were real.

- Meeting the extended family who will now be a special part of Alan’s life and spending a lovely few days with him and Jess.

And with that I close this blog. Thanks for reading!

[listless-brainrot]

I get haru’s chemistry with katara, but how does he connect with any of the other members of the gaang in your opinion? I'm genuinely curious

hey thanks so much for your curiosity anon!! i love talking about this and i’ve actually made a post about it already, lemme add it here but also elaborate further to include zuko and toph this time

haru’s character is one never intended to be anything beyond surface level given that he’s a background character but there is a LOT to deduce from his character and it’s really interesting how they managed to make a “boring” side character with a lot of main character potential, and i think i’ve finally managed to crack why and it’s because of how much of his character has in terms of potential with connecting and working with the main gaang

just gonna put it out here i’m also gonna pull some haru characterization from the videogames to help my case

let’s start with aang, who is actually kind of similar to katara in terms of complete cultural devastation, it’s of course much worse for him as he lost all of his people but that’s still a point of sympathy and i’m sad it’s not brought up as much as it should be because it’s absolutely integral to his character and position as the avatar. speaking of being the avatar haru clearly knows who he is and believes he represents hope in this world coming back, there’s that sense of wonder and true faith in his cause to end this war and just as katara gives haru that inspiration to fight and make a stand against this war, i think aang does that too, whether he realizes it or not. there’s also this cultural obligation to continue bending or practicing your culture when everything else has been erased or suppressed, whether it be to preserve the memory of someone you once held dear or just because you know its the right thing to do. i think haru would really understand that on a personal level, even if his dad and the earthbenders did come back, and in turn try to give aang hope as well. in terms of personality i’d also just love to see haru, who probably has some sort of reverence for the avatar and was taught to respect him and be polite all the time, see aang as this kid who’s optimistic and sweet while also being a wielder of all four elements and learn to see him as a person and even a friend.

i’m not going to go too in depth with katara, as that post already did a phenomenal job, but i will add on the fact that i believe that haru and katara would also bond over how they had to learn bending and its sources, especially if we cite the “haru bends using firebending techniques” meta, which is also super in depth and well worth the read, and especially considering how katara learned bloodbending if this was something actually expanded on within the show i think haru would be able to help her understand that she is much more than that pain and suffering, and even if the techniques were used to hurt people in the past, she can be much more than that now.

and man. haru and sokka. they’d get along so well like. “my dad who is the leader of my tribe/village was sent away due to the war and i have idolized/missed him so much since then and though it’s unspoken there is a lot of pressure on me as man of the house to protect what little i have left”?? cmon. “my dad who used to be a rebellious leader full of hope and strength was broken down over the course of his five year imprisonment and i struggle with who he has become now” haru and “my dad left me in charge of a tribe of women and children on my own and i want to be a warrior just like him but i wonder if he could see me now if he’d really be proud of me and who i had to become” sokka. that sense of imposter syndrome that comes with being the eldest and the son of a leader?? the sympathy and that personal understanding?? i would’ve loved to see it. also in the games haru often makes fun of sokka just as much as he makes fun of everyone else and it would’ve been really funny to see these two smartasses clash given their different styles of whiny attitudes. also haru is pretty book-smart, and knows a lot about earth kingdom culture and technology, and i think he’d work well with sokka in terms of strategy. however, given haru’s lack of an impulse control, the plans he suggests may be a bit debatable.

now we get to haru and toph, who i should honestly make an entire separate post on but. to summarize most of my thoughts, haru and toph are both earth kingdom kids who come from entirely different places and positions of power and class in the war, and have been affected by the war to differing degrees. haru is a peasant from a coastal farm living under fire nation control for five years. he’s our prime example of what average life in the earth kingdom was like under the fire nation. toph comes from the rich beifong family, with personal bending tutors and even guards. she’s so far removed from the war, and she joined to fight it on a whim. their personalities and viewpoints would clash so much, and i think they’d have a really hard time getting along at first. there would be a lot of misunderstanding and haru wanting to understand toph somehow but toph being toph thinking he just wants to parent her or something. it would’ve been interesting interpersonal conflict. but i think when they do eventually become friends they’d become really close, they’d have shared experiences and inside earth kingdom jokes the rest wouldn’t get and hell maybe even toph would try to teach him how to metalbend cause you can’t win the war with just one metalbender, and haru would finally be able to learn from a real earthbending teacher, whose style is so unrestrained and powerful because it developed in a place away from war. also they can bond over having strained relationships with their parental figures!

zuko is... hard to place with haru, i’ll admit. the fact that he’s fire nation is an inseparable fact given how much of haru’s life has been directly affected and ruined by it, as everyone else’s has. i think that, if he was treated more like an actual character, haru would offer a valuable perspective on the gaang later accepting him into their group. sure, he hasn’t been hurt by zuko personally (unless we count the possibility that after the prison break zuko may have followed the prison boats back to the village looking for katara and aang after getting her necklace but that’s another can of worms entirely), but he’s experienced the horrors of the fire nation soldiers firsthand. they’ve heavily taxed his village, they’ve taken all of the earthbenders including his dad, they’ve broken into and threatened to burn down his mom’s shop... these are things not easily forgiven, and it’d be interesting to explore his side. but in terms of them as people, i think what’s funny is that both haru and zuko are extremely dramatic and angry and their similarities, while tragic, would also be kind of funny to see. though, i think out of everyone on this list, haru and zuko wouldn’t get that close- i don’t think haru would let himself, but if there was an arc involving zuko gaining his trust on some personal level, maybe it’d be interesting to explore.

all in all, though- haru has been cited as lonely in many of his official characterizations. i’d just like to have some friends, and maybe he’d find them with the gaang.

[fundielicious-simblr]

Harvestfest

(Adalynn’s POV)

(Ignore the fact that some people are missing, in spite of having a detailed pose planned out I forgot to add some people and it was too late to go and add them, at the point I’d spent 4 days trying to get almost 50 people to pose and was at the end of my rope 😂)

Happy Harvestfest! It felt so good to gather with all my family as we focus on being together, being grateful, and sharing in the blessings the Lord has showered on all of us. With so many of us now married and having to split holidays between our family and our in-laws, we all sat down and decided that the holiday that would bring us all together at the big house in Newcrest would be Harvestfest, meaning that we’re left to be with our other family at Winterfest. This year there were 46 people to fill up my parent’s house, which just goes to show how much the Lord has blessed us in the past 12 years, before I got married there would only be the 15 of us around the table digging in to the 2 turkeys that us Zoe and I would wake up at 4am to pick fresh from the farm, sharing in the sides that Macie would prepare for the evening, and laughing and singing together. One thing I’m very grateful for are all the children that are running around again, growing up it would be Charles, Parker, and Ashton that entertained us all with their shenanigans, but once they grew up and grew out of it then we all missed the sounds of having children around the house. Now there are 22 children that run around and call my parents ‘grandma and grandpa’. 

(Updates on the family are under the cut!)

Allan (55) and Casandra (52) Collins

My parents are thriving in this season of life they’re in! This year they’ve completed 34 years of marriage, what a testimony! Dad is still the pastor at Newcrest Baptist, the Lord has blessed the church abundantly allowing for dad to hire on additional pastors, which gives him the chance to speak at various conferences whilst not having to worry about his congregation in Newcrest being left stranded. Mum has been finishing up school with Ashton, the last kid in the Collins Homeschool, can you believe it? She’s managed to successfully homeschool 13 children from Kindergarten all the way to the end of highschool, which is no easy feat considering how different we all are. At Ashtons graduation party we’re planning on honouring her for all that she did to homeschool us and how she did and continues to pour into all of us. Since Ashton is basically self sufficient with schooling, mum has a lot more time to travel around and visit her grandbabies, since Barrett and Kyleigh’s kids are the closest to us she’s always having them over at the big house or going over for a few hours a day to continue to pour into the lives of her grandchildren. She also gets invited to speak at different ladies’ meetings in the wider area, as well as joining our dad on speaking engagements, either accompanying him to speak at different churches or speaking with him at loads of different marriage conferences. It’s such a blessing to see my parents be so richly rewarded for their dedication to the Lord!

The Leonard Family - Mason (34), Adalynn (33), Noah (10), Luke (8), Aaron (7), Paul (6), Joshua (4), Caleb & Jonah (1)

We’re excited to be expecting baby number 8! As time passes and I’m blessed with more children, I’ve realised I have a very consistent pattern of getting pregnant when the youngest child is almost 2 years old. Well, since the twins 2nd birthday is coming up I decided on a whim to take a pregnancy test and it was positive! As usual we’re not finding out the gender until the baby is born, but with the current numbers I’ve got I’m going to guess that this baby is a boy. The boys are excited to have another sibling on the way, but while we wait for the new baby to join us I’ve got the boys focusing on their school work. The oldest four boys are steadily progressing in their work and are loving school, they also love working on gaining their scout badges before the end of the year so they can progress onto the next level. Another exciting thing in our house is the nativity play that our church is putting on this Winterfest, the boys are in the children’s choir meaning that all our music practice has turned into Winterfest practice. Mason’s sister Molly is getting married soon as well, so the family has been gearing up to host people at her wedding in the next few months.

The Collins Family - Barrett (31), Kyleigh (29), Chloe, Allan Jr & Benjamin (8), Rose & Violet (6), Daisy (6), Marigold (5), Olivia (3), Preston (1)

Barrett & Kyleigh are also expecting a baby, this baby joining the family will be baby number 10 with the gender being a surprise! They live in Newcrest so they’ve got the advantage of being by the big house and seeing my parents all the time, as well as all my siblings who still live at home. Kyleigh and I are in the same boat are up to our ears in school books, but when you add in the fact she’s got 2 extra kids than I do, it’s amazing how calm she is about it! You’d never know she’s actively homeschooling 7 children whilst also running after two toddlers, she makes it look so easy! With everything happening in their house they’ve got plans for even more disruption, an old family friend that owns a construction company has offered to add an extension to their house purely to be a blessing to them! They currently live in a 3 bedroom house and the current plan is to add a second floor to the house to give them more room to grow, and with them adding a new baby every year I can tell there is going to be a lot of growing for their family to do.

The Moreno Family - Francisco (33), Zoe (29), and Javier Jr (2)

Francisco and Zoe are also expecting, and when we were all together they shared that they were having a baby girl! They’re not sharing the name they’ve picked out now, so we’re all waiting for baby girl to make her appearance so we can hear the no doubt beautiful name they’ve picked out. Little JJ is growing in leaps and bounds, it’s so hard being far away from family, which makes us cherish these times that we get to be all together even more. In other news, they’ve officially moved out of Oasis Springs and are excited to be starting out this new season of life as they get settled in Windenburg. They’ll be stationed there for the next 2 or maybe even 3 years, meaning that Zoe gets a few years living close to our sister Amira as well as our cousin Brittany. 

The Wright Family - Shane (26), Maggie (25), Arlo & Iris (1)

Shane and Maggie are enjoying their new season of life with the twins growing into toddlers and enjoying the learning curve that comes with having not one, but two toddlers running all over the place. Shane continues to work at the design agency, and now that the twins are slightly older Maggie has started going back to doing more freelance photography jobs, and is hoping to start back at the office full time soon. Their current plans for the winter include a family skiing vacation at Mt Komorebi along with Reece and Stacie and their in-laws for Winterfest. 

The Collins Family - Reece and Stacie (24), Liam (3), Hazel (1)

Reece and Stacie are also enjoying life with their family of 4 after the addition of little Hazel. Liam is starting kindergarten which is keeping Stacie busy with them as they start an official homeschooling programme, with the addition of Hazel’s basic toddler care as she attempts to be like her big brother. As well as starting school, the mother’s at their church have created a play group to help the kids socialise with each other since most of the families homeschool their children, so Liam is making new friends at church too. Their plans for winter include a ski holiday in Mt.Komorebi with Maggie, Shane, and their in-laws as well as with Stacie’s mother and sister.

The Collins Family - Beckett (23) and Mandy (21)

Beckett and Mandy made the journey home from Selvadorada in time for Harvestfest with the entire family. There’s not pregnancy news on the horizon for these two, but their lives are full of blessings in other forms; They’re in the process of fundraising to continue to build a church in Selvadorada, they hope to be able to educate the Salvadoradian population on the ways of the Lord with this new church. Currently Beckett pastors at an old church building, with Mandy helping teach english and Bible at the local school, she also sometimes helps the local midwives with deliveries and aftercare for postpartum mothers. While they’re in Newcrest they’ll be travelling to various churches in the local and wider area to help fundraise, as well as catch up on all their shopping whilst they’re still here, they’ll also head over to Oasis Springs to see Mandy’s family before they leave. Over the winter they’ll be hosting Macie, Celeste, Annette, as well as other youths from Newcrest Baptist as they head over to Selvadorada on a missions trip! 

The Eichelburg Family - Thomas (23) and Amira (22)

Amira is also expecting! The couple announced their pregnancy to the family when they arrived at the big house, she’s currently in her second trimester and currently doesn’t know the gender of the baby. In Windenburg she helps with the children’s church programmes or volunteers at a local charity shop in her spare time whilst Thomas is at work, now with the pregnancy she’s got other things to keep her busy. She’s planning to have her baby shower in her third trimester, so that should happen sometime in the next month or so, it’ll definitely be easier for her with Zoe moving close to her now. Their winter plans include planning the baby shower, escaping on a quick babymoon, and preparing to welcome their new addition before the new year! 

The Roberts Family - Felix (25), Priscilla (20), and Andrew (1)

Priscilla and Felix are enjoying this new season of life with little Andrew, he’s definitely put Priscilla through her paces as she learns how to deal with a toddler that’s her own child and not a child she can give back to their parents at the end of the day. Felix is working at his father’s offices as an Attorney, so is kept busy during the day before coming home to Priscilla and Andrew in the evening. Whilst Priscilla is loving time with Andrew, she can’t deny that she’s definitely praying to get pregnant soon! Their winter plans include helping campaign for the local conservative candidate in the local primary elections, as well as Priscilla helping coordinate their church’s winter show.

Charles (19) and Lorilee Mitchell (18)

These two are engaged! Charles proposed to Lorilee just before Harvestfest, hence the now allowed hand holding. The family is so excited to have another boy get married, with the couple planning a winter wedding in the bride’s hometown of Windenburg. Charles finished up with his pilot’s license soon before he proposed and he’s started working with the missions centre attached to Newcrest Baptist to help with their ministry efforts. He’s saved up enough to buy a small house a few miles away from my parents, so the couple will have a house to move into after their wedding.

Macie (31), Annette (21), Parker (18), Ashton (16)

There are the current singles at home, Macie is still living at home but is making herself useful to those around her in an effort to be a blessing and to pour herself into others to glorify the Lord. When she’s home in Newcrest she helps Ashton with difficult work and cares for the garden, visits her local nieces and nephews, serves at church, and bakes goodies to gift different members of our church family with. When she’s not home she’s travelling to see her many siblings and nieces/nephews scattered around everywhere, she also leads programmes at various christian retreats for young ladies and older single ladies as well. This winter she’s travelling with others to Selvadorada on a missions trip and will stay with Beckett and Mandy, as well as helping to prepare for Charles and Lorilee’s wedding.

Annette is primarily works as a babysitter/mother’s helper for the different women at church, as well as helping babysit her nieces and nephews or even her cousin’s children. When she’s not doing that she’s travelling to women’s retreats with Macie to help run the programmes or work in the kitchen.

Parker has graduated highschool and has started working for a construction company that is owned by a member of Newcrest Baptist, he’s starting out as an apprentice and hopes to learn enough to make this a full time career.

Ashton is the youngest and is currently the last Collins child being homeschooled by Casandra, she’s working through her final year and is on track to graduate early in the spring. The family is planning a graduation party to celebrate the youngest child finishing school, and the official retirement of our mother as our teacher!

The four pregnancies

The four pregnant women got together for a picture, it’s such a blessing to be pregnant at the same time as my sisters and my sister-in-love! Between Zoe, Kyleigh, and I we’ve got a combination of 17 children, and we’re adding 4 more since we’re all having singletons. Once all these children are born my parents will have a total of 26 grandchildren, what a blessing!

(AN) I just want to say thank you to everyone who left their condolences after I shared that we lost a friend, her funeral was last week and some friends were able to fly back to the states and see her laid to rest with full military honours. This is such a great community and I love being a part of it, thanks to everyone for being so great 💛

[takadasaiko]

Conflict of Interest (a Superman & Lois oneshot)

FFN II AO3

Summary: His daughter’s relationship with Clark Kent has always been a conflict of interest for Sam, but never so much as it had been that day. Set after the main events of 1.12

Conflict of Interest

He had warned her. When Lois had dropped the bombshell that she'd agreed to marry Clark Kent, he'd warned her. She wasn't just marrying the bespeckled reporter that she'd fallen for - while lying to her for the first several months of their relationship and putting a bullseye on her back for the ones that followed - she was marrying Superman. Their lives would never be normal, no matter how much they wanted it to be. How much they pretended, because that's what it really was once the boys came along. Lois might know her husband's secret, but little boys that had no concept of the kind of danger they'd put their mother and themselves in? No, there was no way to tell them, and that left their parents lying to them, because their father - Lois' husband - wasn't normal. Earthquakes collapsed bridges during family dinner and supervillains didn't give a damn about PTA meetings.

Sam had hoped one of those warnings might stick all the way up to the wedding, but he'd raised a stubborn daughter. For a brief time he'd wavered back and forth on if he should assign one of his more promising up-and-comers to play liaison between Superman and the DOD. That didn't happen, though, and as he had stood on the Kent farm in full dress uniform and watched as the alien that the world had come to rely on so heavily lifted his laughing daughter up into his arms and spun her around, he had grimly started to come to terms with the fact that it never would. It was a clear conflict of interest and the military wouldn't blink twice before stripping him of all involvement with Superman if they ever found out. If they did that, though, Sam wouldn't be able to protect his little girl. To protect his family, and if he liked it or not, that included her husband.

They'd made it work, the two men finding a new and awkward balance between family and work. Sam had kept the casual meetings to a minimum. It wasn't until the boys were born that things started to get more complicated. Suddenly Lois wanted him around more. There were Christmas invites and birthdays, not to mention the once a year dinners that Martha Kent somehow thought he was required to attend. He even made it to the occasional pee wee football game or piano recital. Still, Sam was able to compartmentalize for the most part. He and Clark had lost the formal undertones of their conversations outside of the DOD and most days it was like talking to two separate people that wore the same face. So much so that Sam could almost understand how a pair of glasses somehow threw the world off his scent.

Somewhere along the way they got closer. Clark never approached him for parenting advice - Sam imagined that Lois had had a few warnings for him on that front - but there were moments when he caught the question behind the question the younger man was asking. His own father had been gone for years unless you counted some hologram something or the other that had access to the history of his home planet that apparently took on his biological father's form, and it was clear that Clark held a respect for Sam, even if there were a frustrating amount of times that they didn't see eye-to-eye on something. Personal conversations were had behind closed doors and eventually, as long as no one else was around, he became Clark even in red and blue. He was, no matter what name others referred to him as at that very moment, his son-in-law. He was family, and Sam always did whatever he thought was necessarily to protect his family. Sure, it was a conflict of interest, but one that he had told himself benefited everyone in the long run. He helped to protect his daughter's husband and, in turn, his daughter's husband helped protect the world.

He had just never expected to have to choose.

Clark Kent was many things, and one of those was steadfast in his devotion to the world that had welcomed him. He felt a responsibility, he'd told Sam time and again, and Sam believed him. That's why the four star general had thought that the worst case scenario that he'd authorized John Henry for was going to be just that. He'd been firm with Lois - give her an inch and she'd take a mile with it - and was treating it like any other threat. It wasn't until Irons was boots on the ground and Superman had laid him out like a ragdoll that it became evident that the worst case was also the reality and Sam was left with two choices: trust the man that he'd come to respect or take out the alien threat before he could destroy the very people that he'd once loved.

It couldn't be a conflict of interest. The world depended on it.

And with that, Sam had authorized Irons to put his son-in-law down like a rabid dog.

A long, loud car horn dragged him out of the horrible day's memory and Sam realized he'd simply stopped his SUV at the point he should have hung right down the dirt road leading to the Kent farm. A neighbor he was blocking down the east-bound lane made a frustrated gesture as he swerved around him and Sam steeled himself to make the turn. Well, they'd left the lights on for him. Apparently he was still an acceptable guest even if maybe not a welcomed one. It was fine. It was late enough that the household would be asleep and he could grab a quick shower and sleep for a few hours before hitting the ground running the next morning with the sun. After some rest maybe he could find the words to tell Lois… something. He was proud of her, he wished he'd had her resolve, he was sorry he put her through that. Something. Heaven knew she deserved it and he had promised things were going to be different.

Sam pulled the SUV up and parked it in front of the white paneled farmhouse before he killed the engine. His overnight bag was already in the guest room and he all but fell out of the vehicle, exhaustion snapping at his heels. He trudged up the path and was at the next-to-top step before he realized that he wasn't alone. "Clark," he greeted roughly, drawing the younger man's attention over to him from where he was leaning heavily against the railing that lined the porch.

"Sam. Hey. Get everything wrapped up?"

"We'll be wrapping up for a few more days, but we have -"

"Can it wait 'til morning?"

The question stopped Sam mid-sentence and he registered the pained expression on his son-in-law's face. A little pale, a little hunched over. He looked beyond exhausted. "You doin' alright?"

Clark forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "All alone in here," he promised, tapping a finger to the side of his head. "Just like the scans said."

"I know they did." Sam shifted his weight, feeling oddly uncomfortable under that blue-green gaze he'd long since become accustomed to. He loosed a long breath. "Listen, Clark…"

"If this is going to be an apology, I don't need one. I don't want one."

"I did give John Henry the green light to kill you."

"And it was the right call."

"Clark."

"In the moment, it was the right call." He grimaced and plucked his glasses from their place so that he could squeeze the bridge of his nose. There was a long, tense silence between them before he put them back, the weight not lifting off of him as he did. "He would have killed everybody we love."

"He?"

"The Kryptonian Tal-Roh tried to use me to resurrect," Clark answered softly.

Sam moved a little closer to better hear him. Not everyone on the property had super hearing. "Who was he?"

His gaze was distant, fixed on the cornfield that stretched out beyond the house he had grown up in. "A general. Zod. My father - Jor-El - knew him, but I only know the highlights. They're nothing compared to having him battering around your head even for a few hours."

"Is this someone we should be concerned about moving forward?"

"I don't think so. I think it was all or nothing. Either he won or I did."

"Glad you came out on top."

"Me too." He perked up, head swiveling towards the door like he heard something and Sam saw a shadow before his daughter became visible. She was dressed for bed in pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt with a Smallville High crow on it. Her house shoes had quieted her steps.

"Dad," she greeted, though it half sounded like a question as she pushed through the screen door. "It's freezing out here." Well, at least it didn't sound like she was about to turn him away. She did, however, turn to Clark. "The fresh air helping your headache?"

"A little."

"No one gets away from that one, huh?" Sam murmured, thinking about the one constant response from everyone they'd spoken to the night the Kryptonian consciousnesses had been ripped from them.

Clark gave a small, mirthless chuckle. "First one I've ever had. I think it's safe to say I'm not a fan."

The attempt at a joke tugged very slightly at the corner of Sam's lips and he risked a glance back at his daughter. Lois, though, was focused in with a worried expression on Clark. The tiny smile instantly vanished. "I'll let you two get some rest."

That brought her attention back around. "Is there any update?"

"It can wait 'til morning," he echoed Clark's earlier request. "Good night."

Sam thought he heard a quiet response as he pushed through the screen door and into the house. Shower, then bed. Tomorrow would be a new day and by then he was sure he'd know how to say what needed to be said. How to convey that, despite what Clark had just said, he disagreed. He hadn't made the right call that day. He should have taken a page from Lois' book and had a little more faith in the man that had proven himself time and time again.

And he would. It was time to end the conflict of interest and choose his family.

---

Notes: I've been wanting to write a one shot touching on Sam and Clark's relationship for some time now. I have two unfinished fics, but apparently this is the one that I could finish, so here we are.

Seriously considering a second chapter that follows Clark and Lois after Sam leaves and their conversation between his return and the next morning's debrief. Anyone interested?

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

March 2021 Picks!

Okay, this is pretty shocking. I am actually starting this review with two weeks of March left! However, you will notice that I haven’t watched a ton of stuff this month. Instead I’ve been reading more for my program. I have continued with some favorites though, and even finished some series. 

Here come the spoilers....

NANCY DREW

I HAVE to start off talking about the CW’s Nancy Drew because I am LOVING IT this season. Wednesday’s cannot come fast enough (as you have probably seen on this page already). I am SO obsessed that I have actually started re-watching season 1 again (got it as a X-mas present, but available with HBO Max). It’s just SO GOOD! Obviously, I remember how that mystery concludes, but there’s things I’m noticing that I didn’t the first go round and even a few things I forgot. Some of those episodes feel like a lifetime ago because it was a pre-Covid world. Watching this show just makes me so happy. There’s great writing, plot, and THIS CAST! They are AMAZING. It is rare that I can say I like an entire show’s cast. That’s how you know you have a hit. I love the pairs. George and Nick are such a good match and make so much sense. I know they are not canon in the original series, but this show is its own thing and I think the choices they made with George and Nick’s characters are great. I just want George to be alright. She’s been through so much already. I also LOVE the potential of Nancy and Ace and I seriously think we’re headed there with the show. So many breadcrumbs and I am loving them all. I often re-watch a lot of the episodes instantly to make sure I have found them all. (See my page lydia-yougowith-stiles for more gushing on that.) Now we just need Bess back with Lisbeth and everything would be golden. 

WANDAVISION

I LOVED the ride that was Wandavision. I have never watched anything like it and I don’t think I ever will get that same experience again. It was so tough to wait for a new episode every Friday and it’s crazy that we haven’t had a new one for two weeks because it’s over. (Haven’t started Falcon and the Winter Soldier yet, but plan to.) I can definitely see myself re-watching the series as a whole in the very near future. I loved all the speculation and fan theories out there after each episode was released. I know some people are upset that they decided not to include some stuff, but I was okay with it. I feel there’s so much potential and we’d love to see it all, but there’s also the hope we can see more of it with Wanda’s character in the future. For an Avenger who was underrepresented in the MCU she FINALLY has the recognition of being one of the strongest people out there. I cannot wait to see where she is headed in Dr. Strange Multiverse of Madness. I feel this is not the end of “Vision” and the boys either. I seriously loved their family and the scene (which I chose the above picture from) was one of my favorite moments of them. We got to see them fight as a family, which made it even heartbreaking later. 

SUPERMAN AND LOIS

From one super family to the next, I have been pleasantly surprised with how much I have enjoyed the CW’s latest additional to the Arrowverse: Superman and Lois. While I am feeling the burnout of the CW’s superhero shows, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel specifically for Superman and Lois. The trailer didn’t draw me in, but I decided to still record and watch the pilot. I am very happy that I did. I love the tone of the show and the decision to show an older Clark and Lois raising their twin sons. (Even though I am continually feeling like Tyler Hoechlin is far too young to have 14 year old twins. He’s 33, so that “would” have made him 19, but it still feels like they try to make him look older as Clark.) As a lover of Smallville (which was my first real experience with superheroes), I love being back in the small, farm town and seeing Clark at his roots. Lois is great and very Lois like in her wanting to take down Morgan Edge. The couple has great chemistry and they feel like a family with the boys. I liked the twist (even though I felt it coming) that Jordan has powers and Jonathan is “just” athletic. While I liked that this was a way for Jordan to bond with his dad, I am hopeful that Jonathan will get something later down the line. If not then I hope he becomes more like the Stiles and stays human but can be apart of the team in another way. I don’t want him to go evil or anything because of his lack of powers. I really enjoy his character and how supportive he is for his brother. 

BLOWN AWAY SEASON 2

The second season of Blown Away came to Netflix at the perfect time. I was missing this show after watching the first season in the later half of 2020. Glass blowing is something I knew nothing about, but was drawn in by the trailer of this competition show. It was so mesmerizing and satisfying to watch (although, I would never try it myself). With the season being so short, I was ecstatic to discover the show got renewed for a second season. This latest season was just as fantastic and we tried to drag out watching the episodes as long as we could to make it last even longer. Seriously, check this show out if you love interesting competition shows that you’ve never seen before. You’ll be wanting to book a trip to visit the Corning Glass Museum in NY. 

VIOLETTA 

Well, your girl did it! After three seasons of 80 episodes a piece, I FINISHED Disney Channel South America’s telenovela VIOLETTA. What a fun ride it’s been. From eagerly awaiting the next season to be released on Disney Plus, to adding the songs to my phone. I feel like my Spanish improved, but I’m sure once the subtitles are removed I’ll be hopeless. This was such a fun time with some out of this world stories, but they were so entertaining. While there were times I wanted certain plots wrapped up, I understood why they were dragged out because of the length of the show. Season three as a whole wasn’t my favorite. While the beginning was very strong, the middle was rough and I found myself taking a lot of pauses. (I really felt I needed to finish when my sister-who started long after me-finished the show and I was still on like episode 50.) Despite, all of this, it did pick up in the last 20 episodes and I just wanted to marathon through because it was so good. Once I was finished I felt so accomplished and a bit sad. I want to continue watching South American Disney shows available on Disney Plus, but due to the long commitment I think it will be some time before I do. Plus, right now I would definitely compare it to Violetta a lot because I just finished it and it was my first experience. 

[lu-undy]

Chapter 104 - SBT

Here it is!

"When is she due, Micky?" 

"A few days, maybe a week, now, Mum."

"And he's always holding her like that?" 

"Yep… Holds her more than anythin' else. Even took his week off of work for her." 

Mundy and Caroline were preparing a tray of tea and biscuits while Lucien was on the sofa, holding Perle on his lap. 

"And how is it goin' with him?" She asked. 

"Mum, he… He's amazing. I…" Mundy sighed and turned to look at Lucien, through the door. The Frenchman was absorbed by whatever he was saying to Perle and didn't pay attention to Mundy, leaning on his side on the doorframe. "I don't know how to say this."

"Just say it as it comes, Micky."

"Might come out weird."

"Micky, I'm you mum. I know you. You don't have to make excuses or anything." 

Mundy leaned his head on the doorframe too. 

"He's… perfect. He's everythin'. He's… Y'know, sometimes I think about how it was before."

"Before you met him?" 

"Yeah, and even before we lost the farm, how I used to get mad at Dad and all… And then I look at Lu' and all this frustration that I had with Dad just… melts away. It's almost like it was worth gettin' mad and going to the desert for days if it meant that I'd get with Lu' in the end." 

"Aw, Micky… Listen to you, big boy…" 

"I-I'm sorry. Might be a bit too much, the way I said it." 

"No, please…" Caroline joined him at the door. "Go on." 

"I uh… When I think back, I wonder how I managed to live before him. And then I realise that…"

"That what, baby?" 

"That I wasn't." He answered in a sigh. "Everythin' makes sense with him, and nothing does without him." 

"Aw…" 

"I don't even know if that makes sense." 

"It does, Micky, oh it does…" Caroline turned to the whistling kettle and dealt with it. 

"Really?" Mundy followed her. 

"Yeah. I felt the same for your father back in the days." 

"Not anymore?" 

"O'course I still feel that way for him, that's why I stay with him. For better and for worse, in health and in sickness." 

"Yeah… Never thought I'd get it one day, but now I do." 

"And it made you grow into an even better man, this relationship with your Lu'." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. You're so much more calm, and confident too! You used to be so shy and bottle up everythin'. Sometimes even I found it hard to understand you, Micky. But now, you open up more and you even talk about your feelings…! I didn't even know if or when you had a girlfriend or a companion…"

"Never really happened." 

"Really?" 

"No one came even close to what I'm havin' with Lu' now. It was just uh… y'know… Not more than a few hours, if we're both drunk…"

"Oh…" 

"Yeah, 'm not proud of it." Mundy blushed. "But it was never something when I could have decent conversations, or even just feelings for the guy, or the sheila. It only happened with Lu'."

Caroline smiled sweetly at her son. 

"Head over heels for him, you are, eh?"

"Yeah, at least." Mundy chuckled. 

"By the way, did you think about what I told you the other day?" 

Mundy raised an eyebrow but soon he understood his mother. 

"Oh, yeah. But he's too busy with the kittens. Will give it more thought after." 

"Fair enough. Now please, be a good boy and carry the tray for your old Mummy, yeah?" 

"Sure."

Mundy obeyed and followed his mother to the living-room.

"Mon bébé… Oh? Tu as senti ça? C'est un petit! Ils sont presque prêts!"

[My baby… Oh? Did you feel this? That was a little one! They are nearly ready!]

Lucien had his hand on Perle's side, feeling the occasional kick of the young life brewing there.

"Meow!"

"Oui! Je l'ai senti encore!" He laughed and Perle brushed her head against him.

[Yes! I have felt it again!] 

"Here we go for a cup of tea…" Caroline brought the tray. 

"Mundy, did you think about-?" Lucien asked.

"Yeah, I did, Lu', I got an extra lil' bowl of water for Pearl, don't worry." Mundy and Caroline sat left and right from Lucien. 

"Thank you." Lucien said and took the bowl Mundy handed him. He got it close to Perle who sat up and started lapping at the water. 

"You seem very worried for her." Caroline gave Mundy his cup of tea. "Did she have a bad delivery in the past?" 

"Not that I know of." Lucien answered. “But she must stay hydrated. She is drinking for four now, five including herself." 

"There are four kittens?" Caroline asked. 

"Oui, that is what the veterinarian said."

"Aw…"

"Lu' even has that book he's reading all the time about it."

"About what?" Caroline asked.

"Cat pregnancy." Lucien answered. "I want to be prepared for the delivery and to welcome the little ones. The bed is ready and waiting in our room, did Mundy show you?" Lucien asked. 

"N-no, he didn't…?"

"Lu's a bit…"

"He says I am doing too much." Lucien said. "I am merely trying my best. It is an important event in the life of our baby here, so it is extremely important to me. Besides, it is exhausting for her, mentally and physically." Lucien scratched her, brushed her and pampered her all day long. 

"I'm tellin' him he doesn't need to be such a mother hen but it's almost like he's gonna get the kittens…"

"We are, Mundy - oh, oui, ma chérie, voilà. Tu es fatiguée? Tu peux dormir, Papa veille sur toi." 

[Yes, my darling, there you go. Are you tired? You may sleep, Papa is watching over you.]

Soot jumped on Mundy's lap to then lie next to his wife. 

"Oui, Soot, tiens lui compagnie, brave garçon…" 

[Yes, Soot, keep her company, good boy…]

"Even Soot is helpin', eh?" Caroline asked as she took a sip of her tea. 

"Oui, he is an excellent future father. He bathes her everyday, thoroughly, and helps her stay warm." 

Caroline smiled sweetly. 

"May I ask, Caroline…"

"Yeah?"

"Any names you would suggest for the kittens?" Lucien asked. 

"Oh, I… I don't really know. I'm not good with names…!"

"Yeah, you are, Mum." Mundy wrapped an arm around Lucien's shoulders. "You chose my name and I'll never complain about it." 

"Mundy is so beautiful and exotic." Lucien added. 

"Oh, well… I just liked the sound of it." Caroline chuckled. "But Lu', what does your name mean? Where does it come from?"

"Ah, well…" Lucien slowly leaned back on the sofa, paying attention to disturb Perle the Soot the least possible. "My mother told me that she was the one to choose this name for me. My father was missing when I was born. We learnt only later that he had passed. She chose Lucien because of the meaning. It comes from the Latin lux, which means 'light'. My name means 'the luminous one'. She named me thus, hoping that I would bring her the light of hope." He smiled, albeit with bittersweetness. 

"That's very sweet…" Caroline said. 

"Indeed, she was." 

"Is she still…?"

"Non, she passed away a long time ago unfortunately." 

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Thank you, Caroline."

"Carrie." Lucien's eyebrows jumped. "If I call you Lu', you can call me Carrie." 

Mundy blushed from his end of the sofa. 

"But enough about old stories and let's look at the future." Lucien looked at Perle, asleep on his lap. "I cannot wait for the little ones to get born." 

"It'll be a lot of little mouths to feed, eh?" Caroline said. 

"Oui, but it is all ready, aren't we, Mundy?"

"Hey, I raised the previous litter mostly on my own, eh? Did I do a bad job at it?" 

"Well…" Lucien teased with a smirk. 

"Well, what? Dare tell me they were badly raised, I dare ya!"

"They weren't badly raised but uhm, a few things could have been improved, I believe." 

"What?!" 

Caroline chuckled at the banter. 

"You boys are made for each other." 

Mundy blushed beyond his ears and Lucien's cheeks turned pink.

"Mum…!"

"You remind me of Mike and I when we were younger." 

"By the way, how is he?" Mundy asked. 

"Would you rather I left you alone?" Lucien asked. 

"Nah, don't be silly." Caroline answered. 

"I would perfectly understand." Lucien insisted. 

"Lu', you're family." Caroline said and put her hand on Lucien's. "You need to know these things as much as Micky does." 

She put her cup back on the tray and laid her hands flat on her knees. 

"He's… Better, I think, in a way at least." Lucien and Mundy listened keenly. "He is talkin' again and living normally, so that's good." 

"But…?" Lucien felt it coming.

"But he… He doesn't really wanna talk about you, Micky."

"What d'you mean?" The Aussie asked. 

"Whenever I come back from visiting you, I always tell him that you're doin' fine and, y'know, give him the latest news. But he doesn't really react to any of it… He's hearin' me alright, eh, but he just doesn't answer anything."

Mundy lowered his head. 

"Is he eatin' and sleeping well?" He asked. 

"Yeah, like he used to. I sleep better too. But he's still a bit off for anything that concerns you."

Mundy sighed. 

"I… I'm so sorry, Mum, I-I wish I could do somethin'... Other than leavin' Lu' that is, cause that's never gonna happen."

"I know, baby, I know." Caroline said. "I wish I could do something too." 

"I might have an idea." Lucien said. "But I need to ask first, would Mike accept to see Mundy coming at your door?" 

"I-I don't know." Caroline said. "You guys want to visit?" 

"Just Mundy, I think my presence would be too much."

"No." Mundy answered. "We either go together or none of us go. He's got to understand I'm not ready to compromise on you, Lu'. I've always taken his side and taken it on my shoulders, his rants, his anger, everythin'. This time, I won't yield." 

Lucien turned his head to face away for an instant. Caroline noticed it and frowned at Mundy for his bluntness. He blushed and looked where his mother was nodding at. 

"I-I mean… I… Uh… Hm." Mundy took Lucien's hand in his and pulled it to his own chest. "It's both of us or no one, is all."

"I know, Micky." Caroline gently nodded. "But what was your idea, Lucien? Maybe we can make it work differently?" 

-- A few days later, in the evening -- 

"Meow…" 

"Oui, mon bébé, je sais, moi aussi je l'attends. Dad ne devrait plus tarder."

[Yes, my baby, I know, I am also waiting for him. Dad shouldn't be much longer.]

Lucien was sitting on the bed, in his pyjamas with his book about cat pregnancy in one hand. The other was busy petting Perle and Soot, scratching and lazily brushing their black and white fur. From time to time, he would turn a page and read whatever could make the passing of time less dull, under the night lamp. 

Whenever some noise would interrupt his reading, his ears would prick up, along with Perle's and Soot's. But he knew that if Soot didn't move - and if Perle didn't try to - then, it wasn't Mundy yet. 

Eventually, it did happen. Soot and Perle were bathing each other when the black male slithered out of bed. 

"Meow…" Perle pushed herself on her paws to stand up. 

"Ma chérie, non, regarde-toi, tu peux à peine tenir debout. Reste allongée avec moi, Dad et Soot vont venir, ne t'inquiètes pas." 

[My darling, no, look at yourself, you can barely stand up. Stay on my lap with me, Dad and Soot will come shortly, don't worry.]

Perle meowed in protest but soon agreed with her Papa when she realised that her belly was too much of a burden to jump down the bed. She curled back on her Papa's lap and complained.

"Meoooow?"

"Why, you ask? Because you are bearing fragile children, mon bébé." He brushed her long, white hair and paid attention to never pressure her belly. 

"Hey, luv'." Mundy entered the room while Soot slithered back on the bed. "Look at you, babies…" The Aussie removed his clothes to stay in a tank top and boxer shorts before joining Lucien and the cats in bed. 

"Won't you be cold with only that?" Lucien asked.

"Nah, you and the cats keep me warm."

"Meow!" Perle raised her head and pushed herself to her feet. 

"Bonsoir, mon amour." 

[Good evening, my love.]

They exchanged a kiss and Lucien naturally used Mundy's shoulder as a pillow. Perle and Soot lay between them. 

"Meow…?"

"Yeah, sorry, Pearl baby." Mundy scratched Perle on her head. "I was busy with work and all… The electricity cut on the workshop and a few other rooms. Turned out it was only a fuse in the end."

"It took you a long time…" Lucien complained and snuggled against his lover. 

"Sorry, couldn't tell it was as simple as that at first." Mundy looked down his chest. Lucien was lying on his shoulder, Perle and Soot sharing his chest and stomach. "Look at all of you, I was only gone for a few hours, eh?" 

"We missed you." Lucien said.

"Meow…!" The cats answered. 

"Aw, sorry. Did I miss anythin'?"

"Perle is getting more and more tired."

"It's gonna be soon, eh?" Mundy answered as he laced his arm around Lucien. 

"Oui. I can't wait but I am also apprehensive."

"Why?" 

Lucien closed his eyes as he felt Mundy slide his fingers through his locks to scratch his scalp.

"We will be grandparents, Mundy." 

The Aussie switched off the night lamp and Lucien put his book aside, on his night table. 

"We were grandparents before, eh. It's not the first time." 

"Oui, but this time we will attend the event of giving birth itself…! Last time, you saw the kittens days after their birth, and I? I saw them much later!" Lucien sighed with a smile. "We will see them open their eyes and… take their first steps, eat solid food for the first time…" 

"You really talk about them as if they're your own babies, eh?"

"It is as close as it can ever get." Lucien answered. 

"Would you… Would you have liked to have more children?" Mundy shyly asked and started regretting when he heard Lucien take a deep breath and sigh. In the darkness of the night, he couldn't see it, but Lucien frowned. 

"I do not know. I don't think I want more children. I just… I would have loved Jérémy to…" Lucien didn't manage to finish his sentence. "Sometimes, I think about the future, not just for you and me, but the future beyond us. Once we pass, nothing will remain of us but a lifeless body. No one will carry our name, our values, us." 

Lucien looked down and saw Perle and Soot had fallen asleep, forming one mass of fluff on Mundy's body.

"Yeah, guess you're right but you're also very wrong, baby." Mundy answered with a low voice, and pulled Lucien to rest his head on him. "You're the only reason some people made it through the war, you're the only reason some lives didn't end back then. You'll be remembered, for sure, and if you think about it, the simple existence of these people and their children is your doin', even though they're not your kids, eh." 

"Maybe, but it is very impersonal. None of these people will have a part of me in them. But those kittens, as disturbing and mad as it sounds, these kittens do have a part of you and me, as much as Perle and Soot do." 

"It's not mad, baby. It's the truth. I mean, I remember the first time I saw baby Pearl stop at a crossroad… That was madness." Mundy chuckled and Lucien smiled. "But also, that showed me what kind of man you were, and turned out you weren't so different from me." 

"What do you mean?" Lucien asked as his eyes slowly closed. 

"You showed me that you were a family man, a man who could care deeply for people, even though the suit, the tie, the balala-thingy and everythin' didn't show it much. Your heart was bigger than what it seemed and even if your attitude and all tried to hide it, your heart was still bigger and sweeter, baby." 

"Aw… Mundy… Did you really think all that when you saw Perle stop at the crossroad?" Lucien's hand slowly slid to Mundy's chest and gently scratched it on the tanktop.

"Yeah, but thing is, I didn't stop to put it into words. But now you taught me to do it, and here we are." 

"What, mon amour?"

"Remember I had that chat with you, a long time ago, and I told you that you managed to put words on things I couldn't. D'you remember that, doll?"

Lucien hummed and weakly nodded against his lover's chest, next to Perle's fluff. 

"Well, back then, you said that it was because I was scared of lookin' inside me, scared of what I'd find. But now, I'm not, not anymore. I just… I feel like I've got my life together, and in my own hands. I have a beautiful, uh… I-I don't even know what to call you, I mean, boyfriend seems childish, partner sounds like we're doin' business…"

"What about lover?"

"It's nice but… You're more than that, Lu'. You're so much more. I grew up with you, I changed. I'm so much less shy now, I'm more confident and I feel like a proper man, with a family to take care of. Lu', you… You've made me a man."

Lucien opened his eyes and raised his head to Mundy. 

"Mundy…? These are very strong words." 

"Yeah, I know." Mundy frowned.

"Are you sure about this?" Lucien turned to his stomach to rest on his forearms. Mundy looked in his eyes and slid a hand on his cheek and through his long, silky hair. 

"Yeah. I'm sure. You've changed me, Lu'. I'm more responsible now, I'm… I've always feared that day that I'd have a family on my shoulders. I can hardly take care of myself alone so takin' care of other people was just not possible. But I had it wrong in my head. O'course I can take care of a family. If the family is you, Pearl and Soot, yeah, I'll carry you all on my shoulders everyday if I have to. I just… I just love you." 

Lucien smiled and pushed himself closer to Mundy, pressing his lips against his lover. The Aussie's hand gently pushed Lucien's hair away from his face. 

"I love you too, mon amour." 

Another quick peck was exchanged and Lucien laid his head on Mundy's shoulder. It didn't take them long to fall asleep.

[sokkadora]

tattooed heart; an ellie williams x fem!reader

chapter 3: a cold morning

masterlist here.

part summary: a tad bit of backstory on how joel, ellie, amelia and you met, seth being annoying, y/n and dina escapades, ellie apologizing for the kiss.

trigger warning: none .... i think

a/n: enjoy! and please check out my book safety net on wattpad! my account is @/CATRAMITYS <3333

- ☽ iii ༓ iii ☾ -

                life in jackson could be described as fairly easy - slow and consistent. the people who were living there never actually left and there weren't many people that would move into the city. most people you've known since they were the ones living inside the walls ever since you had come there.

some of the children were born there, yet most of the people came to the settlement as the time passed, seeking protection from the fireflies, infected or bandits. and so far, so good. the settlement was started by maria, tommy's wife, and her father a long time ago. when tommy left the fireflies in search of a normal, peaceful life, he ran into wyoming, finding this place. before their hard work, it was quite hard to manage - they needed to protect the settlement, build walls around it and make sure the people in there were safe, yet the young married couple was way more ambitious.

they wanted to make the old hydroelectric power station work again and that was one of the settlement's biggest projects to date. and to the wonder of everyone, they made it work again, so jackson had a stable supply of electricity almost every day. except for huge storms, which you all were waiting for to end sitting in the dinner, telling each other stories in the light of candles and so. these occasions were fun.

the city was independent - you had your cattle, horses, hens, and pigs, you had women who could sew clothes and make fabrics, you had a few men who were capable of making a gun. also, your mechanics were capable of making a few old cars work if the things would get really bad. in spring and summer, you always made sure to harvest vegetables and fruits, hunting throughout the winter mostly. you had a school and a kind-of-a-cinema when you were bored. for existing in a post-apocalyptic world, jackson was fairly normal.

and though you never got to know your parents, you had amelia. this lady was pretty old in the time she found you — she wasn't that kind of a brutal survivor who would bash someone's skull, twist her knife inside someone's body, or shoot them dead. she was the quiet traveler who was purposely avoiding big cities, who was traveling through woods and walked among rivers to see where her road will lead her. from the moment you bumped into each other, you became friends. family even. but once you got bit, she almost shot you. until she found out you were immune.

you and amelia didn't know what to do, but once amelia caught word of an old man and a 14-year-old immune girl traveling to the fireflies in salt lake city, you two went to find them. it took a few months to find them, the two of you almost giving up after taking shelter in what you thought was an abandoned apartment in pittsburgh.

SUMMER OF 2033:

"y/n, in here." amelia called for you quietly, gesturing to the apartment inside. you nodded, glancing behind you before quickly moving inside and locking the door.

you let out a sigh of relief, readjusting your ponytail and checking out the apartment. amelia jumped in front of you, pulling out her handgun, "get behind me, sugar." she whispered, softly moving towards the bedroom where she heard noises.

once she opened the door, the two of you aimed your guns at the people inside, two dark skinned boys, one around your age at the time and an older man with a red haired girl also around your age.

"amelia, they're not bad." you say, lowering your gun slowly to look at them better. the older woman glances at you before putting her gun down too.

the young man steps forward with his hand outstretched towards you, "i'm henry, who are you?" he asks nervously, glancing

you look up at him, then glance at amelia. she nods, signaling that it's okay, "i'm y/n." you respond with a small smile.

henry grins a bit, gesturing to the others, "we all just met but, this is joel," he starts, gesturing to the older man in the flannel, "this is ellie, and this is my little brother sam." henry finishes, gesturing to the girl and the boy.

"amelia and y/n." amelia introduces, gesturing to her then you. "sorry for the, uh, abrupt entrance. we thought this apartment was empty." she laughs nervously, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"no worries. we were about to head out anyway." henry starts, beginning to walk out. "wait, would you two like to come with us?" we're planning on getting out of this city tonight."

you and amelia look at each other before she turns her head towards the henry again, "i don't thi—"

"amelia, c'mon! safety in numbers, remember." you remind her, crossing your arms over your chest and looking at her knowingly.

the woman scoffs and shakes her head, looking at her lap for a moment, "fine, okay, we'll join you guys."

upon leaving the apartment, you, sam, and ellie began to talk to each other. once you found out she was 14, like the immune girl, you went up to amelia while you were waiting in henry's "office".

"amelia, can i talk to you for a second?" you whisper to her, gesturing to a quieter spot. amelia's eyebrows furrow in confusion as she looks away from the outside to you, nodding.

once in a quieter spot, you tell amelia your hypothesis about ellie and joel, them being the two you’ve been searching the country for, "no, no way. they're probably just father and daughter."

"don't daughters usually call their fathers dad instead of their actual names?" you ask her, irritated while your arms fold over your chest. amelia stares at you blankly, hands resting on her knees. "this is the man and the immune girl we're searching for, amelia. we have to tell—"

"guys?" a voice calls into the room, making yours and amelia's head shoot towards the sound. it's sam. "henry says it's time to go." sam tells you two awkwardly.

amelia sighs heavily, rising from her place on the desk and looking at you, "you and i will finish this conversation later."

that conversation never went as well as you hoped, you and ellie finding out that you both are immune in the radio station during a slow game of truth or dare. neither of you knew what it was, but henry gave you the basic gist of it.

ellie was thrilled to know she wasn't the only immune person, and she wasn't alone in that area. after losing henry and sam the morning after, you four headed off to find joel's brother, tommy in wyoming after finding a car.

after finding tommy and heading to the university of eastern colorado, things only got more rough from there. joel and amelia both got impaled, barely making it out of the science building alive before getting on their horses and passing out. resulting in you and ellie panicking before getting yourselves together and finding a nearby town to stay at for the winter.

during that winter, you encountered david, and his friend carl. you and ellie almost lost your lives after getting captured by them, then joel and amelia swooped in saving you and ellie from becoming the monsters you both fear.

the rest of the journey carried into the spring, you, joel, ellie, and amelia becoming much closer during the time from winter to spring. once you all got to the firefly hospital and joel and amelia found out what the cost for the vaccine was, they saved you and ellie.

you both had become to loved and valuable to them, neither wanting to bear the loss of another child. and they lied to you both to keep you safe. so after they took out most of the fireflies in the hospital, including their leader, marlene, you all headed back to tommy's, to jackson.

you and ellie both stopped the elders before entering jackson, "hey, wait." ellie called, looking to you for a bit of comfort.

amelia and joel turned around, looking at the two of you. you bit your lip as ellie started talking, "back in boston — back when i was bitten... i wasn't alone." she reveals, glancing between joel and amelia.

"my best friend, riley, was there and she got bit too." ellie tells everyone.

"and i was with my best friend, carly." you tell the group, fidgeting with your fingers. "we didn't know what to do. so, she says 'let's just wait it out. y'know we can be all poetic and lose our minds together. we're still waiting for our turn."

"then it was tess." ellie states, fidgeting with her fingers anxiously.

"then henry and sam—" you continue the statement for her.

"none of that is on you." amelia states, stepping a bit closer to you and ellie.

"no, you don't understand." ellie says sadly, rubbing her face.

joel suddenly steps forward, "i struggled for a long time with survivin', and you-" he briefly clutches his watch. "no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for. now, i know that's not what you want to hear right now but it's—"

you shake your head, looking away before turning back at joel, "swear to us." you interrupt, looking between the two adults seriously. "swear to us that everything that you said about the fireflies is true."

joel and amelia look between you and ellie with a hesitant look, "we swear." she says to you two, placing a hand on joel's shoulder.

you and ellie take a pause, processing everything before looking back at amelia and joel, nodding, "okay." you say together.

MARCH 2ND, 2038:

that was how you got into jackson. the first months there were pretty weird to you - the city had rules, schedule and they gave you food every morning, midday and evening, calling it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. the first week, you spent with vomiting since your food wasn't used to eat regularly. it was also pretty hard trying to trust strangers before you realized they don't mean you any harm. amelia was immediately capable of working at their farm with their animals, while you were getting the jobs like cleaning up mess or help in the kitchen - which meant that you didn't see each other that much.

- ☽ ♡ ༓ ♡ ☾ -

but after last night you and ellie went your ways after the talk with joel and amelia. there were many exchanged glances as she walked you home although you insisted you were fine. when you stood in the doorway of your house, ellie kissed your cheek before waving goodbye shyly.

a knock wakes you out of your sleep, groaning as you sit up and walk to the door, "just a minute! geez." you call out, walking to the door while scratching the back of your neck tiredly.

once you open it, you see dina. your other best friend, "hey dina." you yawn, squeezing the door handle as you look at your friend who's already dressed. "oh shit-"

"yep. hurry up and get ready, stupid." dina grins, stepping inside and sitting on your couch as you head into the bathroom with a new set of clothes. "maria also wants to talk to you."

stepping out of the bathroom, you reload your pistol and grab your switchblade that joel made you, "alright, dina, let's go."

she nods, opening the door as both of you step out into the cold air, "are joel and amelia up yet? or ellie?" you ask curiously.

"tommy and amelia went out early for patrol. something about a herd or infected up north, i don't know where joel is, and ellie, is still asleep. like ellie." dina tells you as you nod in understanding, chuckling at the last part of her sentence. "are you four... good?"

you glance up at her, sighing, "yeah, i guess so." you shrug, looking away and itching your nose.

once you and dina get downtown, she leads you into a restaurant, "this way." she says, motioning towards the nearly empty restaurant.

once you two enter, dina walks away to socialize with the others. you glance at her anxiously as she just smirks, shooing you in maria's direction.

"hey, y/n! over here!" maria calls from across the bar, making you groan and walk over unenthusiastically.

you walk to maria, "yes?" you ask, rubbing your face with your gloved hands.

"seth has something he wants to say to you." maria tells you, glancing towards the kitchen.

you glare at maria, irritated, "i don't wanna hear what that bigot has to say."

maria looks at you with an unreadable expression, "do it for me, please?" she asks gently.

you scan her face over, and sigh, resting your foot on a small crate, "fine."

"seth! seth, come here." maria calls towards the kitchen.

"fuck me." you mutter under your breath, as you look up.

seth walks out of the kitchen sheepishly, with something in his hands, "hey. look last night, i was drinking too much." seth starts, making you scoff quietly.

"sure." you say in disbelief, crossing your arms as you rest your right leg on the stool next to you.

"i'm trying to say i'm sorry!" seth exclaims, getting more irritated with you. "maria tells me that you and dina are heading out." he tells you, making you glance back at dina. "i made you two some sandwiches." he reveals.

seth places the sandwiches on the bar counter, giving them a pat before scooching them towards you.

"okay." you mumble, staring at him awkwardly.

"they're steak." seth informs you, gesturing towards the sandwiches you haven't taken yet.

maria gets tired of the awkward silence as she takes the sandwiches as she shoves them into your chest, "thank you, seth." she says assertively, scaring seth back into the kitchen.

turning around with the sandwiches, you bump into dina, "what've you got there?" she asks curiously as you shove the sandwiches into her hands.

"some... surprisingly decent looking bigot sandwiches." you scoff, dusting off your pants while looking around the outside room.

dina lifts them to her nose, taking a whiff, "they smell absolutely scrumptious." she says in a fake posh accent, making you laugh as she secretly throws them away.

"come on you two, time to go." maria calls from the doorway of the restaurant, gesturing to the outside. "y/n, i need to talk to you for a minute before i head back inside."

you stop next to maria, gesturing for dina to go ahead without you as she closes the door, "are you amelia and joel good?" maria asks quietly, making you roll your eyes. "they seemed to be in a better mood this morn—"

"we're fine maria." you interrupt her, your eyes closing in annoyance as you're getting tired of this question.

the blonde woman puts her hands up, "just wanted to make sure. i worry y'know." she chuckles, bringing you into a short embrace. you nods, pulling away, "go find dina." she tells you heading into the restaurant as you head on your way.

you find dina and overhear how she's about to start a snowball fight with a bunch of the kids. you sneak up behind the kids, snowball in hand. dina glances up and spots you, making you put a finger over your mouth to shush her. she looks back at the kids, egging them on as you come up and headshot a girl named, isabella.

this made the kids go feral, sending them to one side of the playground as you and dina hid on the other side, laughing your asses off.

you and dina played with the kids for around fifteen minutes before you heard ellie's voice. you turned around and saw jesse, waving politely at him before returning to the game.

"dina! come on! you and i are paired for patrol today." jesse calls out to his ex, making her roll her eyes before heading out of the playground, following jesse.

"hey, y/n! can i talk to you?" a familiar voice called, you turn your head to see ellie. you smile and wave at her before putting the snowball fight on a pause so you could talk to her.

"hey." you say breathlessly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"hey." ellie responds awkwardly, tapping on the wooden fence.

"i just wanna say sorry for ditching you after the... thing last night." ellie apologizes, making you tilt your head in confusion.

"oh, no, it's okay. i totally get it. i- i just- i felt bad." you tell her, looking at her apologetically while fidgeting with your fingers.

ellie shakes her head lightly, "why?"

"because, i started the whole thing and i... i just shouldn't have kissed you in front all those people and—"

"no! it's okay, you were drunk." ellie says, laughing off the light embarrassment.

"well, still i don't want you to think—" you start before ellie interrupts your once more, making you chuckle lightly.

"no, i'm not reading into it or anything." ellie tells you, making you shake your head.

you look up at ellie, smiling softly, "you know what i love about you?" you start, making ellie blush a little. "how you let me finish my sentences."

ellie chuckles, shaking her head, "alright. well, we should probably get going." you nod, before a snowball nails ellie right in the shoulder. "ow!"

you turn around angrily, glaring at the kids, "what the fuck?!" you exclaims at them, making them giggle.

"i'm not even playing!" ellie yells at them.

"cause you're a chicken?" one of the kids yells out, making the rest taunt ellie playfully.

"i hate those kids so much." ellie mutters to you irritated, making you look at her mischievously.

"you wanna fuck 'em up?" you ask evilly, giving ellie a side glance.

ellie looks to see if anyone's coming before nodding, "yeah, i do." ellie leaps over the fence as you both start playfully shouting at them.

"you asked for it!" you yell at them.

"you better run you little shits!" ellie exclaims, you and her taking cover behind a structure.

the game was the first to ten hits wins, it took you and ellie a minute, but you beat to little shits 10/3.

"no fair!" isabella whines, wiping the snow off her coat.

you spread your arms out victoriously, "eat it shrimps! how's it feel?" you brag to them, making them all run up and tackle you. "you'll never get away with this!" you yell happily as they dog pile on you before ellie comes and rips one off.

"get off of her you little monsters!" the red haired girl exclaims, making them scurry away before helping you up.

"i guess i asked for that huh?" you ask your friend, heading towards the gate.

"yep." she deadpans at you, making you smile. you both exit the playground, heading to the stables. "so, jesse wants us to do the creek trails. he's gonna relieve amelia and tommy."

"oh, okay. that's nice he assigned us together." you tell ellie, greeting the lady at the front of the stables. "you're gonna like this one."

someone yells to you and ellie they'll take your horses in so you can grab them. yelling out a quick thanks, you head over to grab your horse, moon. walking to the east gate, you pet his neck, greeting him.

"look who decided to join us." jesse tease you and ellie, making you roll your eyes.

"ha ha, you're so funny." you tease back, elbowing him gently in the side and taking your rifle from him.

"open it up!" he yells up at the gate keepers. "settle down. alright. you all know the drill." he assumes, looking to all the patrol groups. "run your routes, mark your logbooks, clear any infected you see. you run into anything you can't handle, you come back." jesse tells everyone. "be smart about it. alright, get going."

you and ellie glance at each other with a small nod, getting on your horses and riding off towards the creek trails.

[theotherackerman]

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

Summary: Historia Reiss could not have approached Mikasa Ackerman with the idea of joining a band at a better time. After a falling out with Armin Arlert and Eren Jaeger, Mikasa decides to take her up on her offer joining alongside Ymir Langnar (bassist), Sasha Blouse (drummer), and Annie Leonhart (guitarist). With their new keyboard player and lyricist, they set off on a journey that takes them away from their hometown. After winning battle of the bands, they score a record deal. As they set to record their first album, their past begins to catch up to them.

RATING: MATURE

Ships:  Mikasa/Eren, Historia/Ymir, Levi/Hange, Armin/Annie, Pieck/Jean

Other Tags:    Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, girls supporting girls, Alternate Universe, music inspired, their friendship is super important

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan.

NOTES: December 26th

PROLOGUE: TIS THE DAMN SEASON

Somehow watching Star Wars the day after Christmas had become a tradition for Eren, Armin, and Mikasa.Maybe it was because Christmas was rough for all of them. So they had made their own little tradition.

It had started in high school when Armin and Eren were in complete disbelief that Mikasa had n ever seen Star Wars. They had just exchanged gifts including a book Armin received from Eren about the special effects in Star Wars.

“How can you have never seen Star Wars? Didn’t we watch it with you when we were younger?” Eren asked her as he picked up wrapping paper from the floor.

Mikasa simply shook her head.

“Well we’ve got to change that. Armin, you still have the dvds?”

“Of course, I do. I’m not going to get rid of Star Wars.”

“Right, right. You think grandpa would care if we came over tomorrow?”

“Hey, what if I have plans tomorrow?” Mikasa asked.

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” Armin turned his head to the side.

“Well no...but..”

“Okay, great. So tomorrow at Armin’s place.”

And that’s how it had started. Mikasa wasn’t sure if she actually liked Star Wars or if she just loved her two best friend’s reactions to it. Armin and Eren performed their favorite lines as they watched. One time they had bought shitty cheap lightsabers to have a battle one year which resulted in both Eren and Armin getting a black eye.

The venue changed frequently, a different person hosting each year. No matter how bad things got, how many family members died, none of that matter.

Because every December 26th, it was time for them to settle in front of the tv and watch Star Wars.

Until this year.

This year, there was no settling in front of a tv.

There was no exchanging of gifts.

This year, there was radio silence between the three of them.

All because of what had happened last year. It was New Year’s Eve. Armin, Eren, and Mikasa had gathered together. Mikasa had her father’s ring. She was going to ask Eren to marry her.

She was kneeling in the kitchen but Eren’s eyes were numb.

"I'm just going to be honest with you, Mikasa. I just dated you so I could know what it was like to fuck you. And I have to say, you're as good as I'd thought you'd be. But now  I'm done with this. You're just a slave who does what everyone else wants them to do. A people pleaser. I can't be with someone like that."

"Eren…" her voice cracked.

"I've always hated you, Mikasa."

BAM!

There was a connection of a fist to Eren's jaw. He stumbled back.

"How dare you say those things to her!" Armin yelled at him. Eren swung at Armin, hitting him. Armin punched Eren again. 

Mikasa pulled Armin off of Eren and shoved him to the other side of the kitchen. 

 "I don't need you defending me!" She screamed.

And then Mikasa ran from the house.

And Eren spat blood.

And Armin disappeared from the house

But the box holding Mikasa's dad's ring sat on the table all the same.

Mikasa sat in her room, watching the steam rising off of her cup of tea. Her book of lyrics sat in front of her.

She wondered about Armin and Eren. How were they doing? Were they coping okay with Eren’s father dying last year…..No.

She took a deep breath as she looked at the blank page in front of her.

She and Historia had written thirty six songs as options for the new album but that didn’t matter.

She had to keep writing. It was a way out of her head while still coping with everything.

If she wrote, she didn’t have to think about her dead parents, Armin’s dead parents, or Eren’s dead parents. She didn’t have to think about Armin’s grandfather dying earlier this year and how Armin had to be alone this year. She didn’t have to think about Ymir and Historia still fighting and what that meant for the band. What did that mean for the band?

Write.

Just write.

She took a deep breath.

Just as she was about to write, there was a knock on the front door.

She could hear Levi talking to someone.

Was it his partner?

She wasn’t sure.

She was stalling.

She needed to focus on writing.

The door to her room opened. Only one person didn’t knock when they came over so she didn’t bother to look behind her. The thud sound of someone falling onto her bed and the smell of whiskey only confirmed what she already knew.

“Things didn’t go well?” Mikasa asked, now she was really stalling.

“Oh no, things went fucking great. Can’t you tell?” Ymir’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “I went to get drinks with her sister and her. Her sister hates me. She thinks Historia can do better.”

“Did she say that?”

“No. She just...I don’t know. I think Historia told Frieda what happened last week. Maybe, maybe she’s right. Maybe Historia is better off with someone like Reiner or that farm boy…”

Mikasa put her pen down before turning around.

“You and I both know you don’t mean that. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I’ve never seen you feel sorry for yourself before. What did you say to me when all that happened? Pull yourself together. Fuck her sister. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is your feelings and Historia’s. Fuck everyone else.”

“I think I said fuck a few more times in there.”

Mikasa nodded before she turned back around.

It was a strange friendship they had.

It had started due to the fact that Historia and Eren were normally nominated for king and queen of the high school dances. Since they could not dance with who they wanted to, they ended up dancing with one another.

Then Historia had come up with this idea for a band. An idea that would cement Ymir and Mikasa’s friendship.

A knock came from the front door again.

“Mikasa!” Levi yelled from downstairs.

She looked over at Ymir. The other girl was currently wrapping herself up in Mikasa’s blankets. No one outside the band and Levi knew that Mikasa was back in town for the holidays.

“Mikasa!” She heard him yell again.

She took a deep breath before she left her room. Eren couldn’t be here. He didn’t know. Not to mention he probably never wanted to talk to her again just like she didn’t want to face him again. If he was here, she’d….

She’d do something.

“Sign the delivery paper so this man can do away,” Levi gestured to the man holding a box and a scanner.

“I told you, sir, it can only be signed by..”

“I don’t care.”

Mikasa signed the paper, the man handed over the package, and Mikasa closed the door. She pulled the tab to open the cardboard box. Inside she found a smaller box. She dropped the cardboard box. She didn’t open the smaller box.

She already knew what was inside and who had sent it.

“What is that?”

“My father’s ring. He returned it.” She held the box out to Levi who stared at her for a moment. “Keep it safe for me, will you?”

The older Ackerman just nodded. Mikasa picked up the cardboard box off of the floor and threw it into the trash. She didn’t notice the letter inside that had floated to the floor. Levi would find it hours later.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

I hate the way... chapter 3 is here! (and on AO3)

and it’s kind of a long one.

----

“You can tell dad I have a job. Here. At the garage. A job I enjoy and it helps me with my course work.” Robert said to whoever he was talking to on the phone.

Aaron had just arrived at the garage for his shift and apparently had walked straight into an argument.

“Yes, I know that.” A pause. “He knows where to find me.”

“No Vic. I told you. I’m going to mum’s. He can’t stop me.”

“Yeah I’ll think about it. I’ll text you. I have to get to work now. Cain is here. Bye.” Robert sighed and hung up.

“Everything alright?” Aaron asked carefully.

“Yeah, fine.” Robert said quickly. “It’s complicated…”

Aaron nodded.

“Alright. Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just… I came out to my dad last night. In the middle of an argument.”

“You weren’t out?” Aaron asked, confused. Robert was about as out and proud as it got as far as he knew.

“Not really. I mean… I’m pretty sure he knew me and the lad that helped out on the farm last year were more than just friends or co-workers or something… but I think he just… ignored it? And I never really flat out told him. Until last night.”

“And I’m guessing he didn’t take it very well?”

Robert sighed.

“Not exactly. I didn’t expect him to really.” He paused for a moment. “My dad and I don’t get on. I want to study business and I like computers, he wants me to take over the farm. And he doesn’t approve of my choices. Including being bisexual.”

“But that’s not a choice.”

“That’s not what he thinks. He just sees it as just another thing I’m doing just to piss him off. Because my whole life revolves around that.” Robert rolled his eyes. “Sorry for dumping this all on you.”

“No, don’t worry, it’s fine.” Aaron insisted. “What are friends for, eh?”

Over the next week or so, Aaron spent most of his free time at the garage with Robert. Cain left them to it mostly, as long as they both finished their work at the end of the day, he didn’t care what they talked about or when.

“I can’t believe you don’t know it! It’s a classic!” Robert was excitedly talking about a comic series he was rereading and how he was counting down the days until the film adaption of it would hit the cinemas. “I need to educate you.”

Aaron laughed.

“I don’t know. It never really did it for me.”

“I’ll bring my copy in next shift. You can read it and then tell me what you think afterwards. I’m telling you, it’s really good. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“Alright. Sure.” Aaron said and grabbed some crisps from the bag they were sharing. “I never took you for a comic book nerd.”

“What can I say, there’s more to me than meets the eye.”

“Yeah I’m beginning to see that now. I’m learning so much about you these days.”

Robert smiled.  

“Good or bad?”

“Mostly good. You have a terrible taste in music, but other than that… you’re alright.” Aaron teased.

“There is nothing wrong with my taste in music!” Robert protested laughingly.

“My gran has better taste in music than you.”

“What do you like then, mister music snob?”

“I don’t know. Anything with some guitars in it… and a nice beat.”

“Why? So you can dance to it?”

“God no. I don’t dance. I look like a twat even attempting to.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad. Show me some moves.”

“No way. Absolutely not. No. Way.”

“Oh come on. Just do it. Just go like this.” Robert got up and pretended to be ballroom dancing with an invisible partner. He held out his hand for Aaron to take but he batted it away.

“No way.” Aaron said, laughing at Robert grabbing a mop as his dance partner.

“Are you training for Strictly, Sugden?” Cain emerged from his office, shrugging his jacket on.

“Who knows. I might even win. And I’ll tell everyone you let me practise in your garage because you wanted to support local talent.” Robert joked, making Aaron laugh and even Cain cracked a smile

“Alright. Well I have to go get some parts for that Porsche there.” Cain told them, nodding at a car parked in the workshop. “Dan will be in later for his shift but he had to take his kid to the dentist first or something… please don’t burn the place down while I’m away.”

“I think we can manage that.” Robert said and Aaron agreed.

“And do your actual work alright lads? No messing about with that mop the whole afternoon.”

Cain got in his car and left the two of them alone.

Robert put the mop back and walked over to the Porsche.

“Look at this. It’s beautiful. I’d kill for a car like that.” He ran his hands over the bonnet and onto the roof.

“It’s a nice car.” Aaron agreed.

“Nice? It’s not just nice. It’s my dream car. As soon as I can afford it, I’m buying one.” Robert vowed. He tried the door, happy to find it unlocked and got behind the wheel.

“What are you doing?” Aaron hissed. “You can’t do that.”

“I’m not doing anything. Just wanted to see how it feels.”

“Cain will kill you if he finds out.”

“How is he going to find out? I’m not going to tell him. Are you?”

“Of course not. But just get out.” Aaron stressed.

“In a minute. Come on, join me.” Robert all but stroked the steering wheel. “Come live my dream with me.”

Aaron hesitated for a moment but then got in.

“This is just so I can make sure you won’t damage anything.”

“I’m being careful, I promise. Relax.” Robert told him. “Just sit back and close your eyes. Imagine driving away from this place, away from the village, just you, me, and the open road.”

“I get to come along?”

“Of course. I’ll need some company. And after driving for a while we’ll find a nice spot to park and watch the stars.”

“Stars? How long have we been driving?”

Robert chuckled.

“Don’t ruin the moment.”

“Alright. Sorry.”

“And then… and then I’ll pretend I know astrology and point out constellations to you.”

“I don’t know astrology either so I’d believe anything.”

“Good to know.” Robert said and Aaron heard the leather creak as he moved in his seat. “And then… I’d do something I’d wanted to do for a while… but wasn’t sure if I could.”

“What?” Aaron opened his eyes and saw Robert leaning over the gear stick, face inches from his own.

Robert pressed his lips against Aaron’s, who was too shocked to do anything about it, let alone kiss back or even close his eyes.

“Sorry… I shouldn’t have done that. Let’s.. just forget that ever happened.” Robert stammered when he got no reaction from Aaron. “I’m sorry.” He moved to get out of the car but Aaron stopped him.

“No. I just… I wasn’t expecting it… Can we try it again?”

Robert smiled and leaned in again, this time Aaron happily kissed him back and he quickly decided kissing Robert was his new favourite way to pass the time.

Later that day, when he was lying on his bed in his room above the pub, Aaron kept smiling to himself, touching his lips and thinking back to the way Robert’s had felt on them.

They’d spent ages kissing in the car until Dan showed up for his shift. Lucky for them he hadn’t noticed anything.

Aaron’s phone buzzed with a message and he grabbed it hoping it was from Robert but instead it was Adam asking for an update.

Right. Because that’s all it was supposed to be. A trick so Adam could go out with Robert’s sister.

I’m out mate. I can’t do it anymore. It feels wrong.

- Come on bro. We’re almost there. Eyes on the prize!

Over the next few weeks Aaron and Robert kept growing closer. Sharing quick kisses at the garage when Cain wasn’t around and Dan wasn’t looking, as well as spending their breaks snogging on a pile of old tires at the back of the garage.

One Saturday, about a week before the dance, Adam had been freaking out at Aaron over text so much, he’d switched his phone off.

He had more important things on his mind anyway.

Things like Robert all but dragging him into the office the second he’d walked into the garage.

“Cain is out for the day. Dan’s not coming in because his kid is sick… so we have the place to ourselves the whole day.” Robert announced and kissed Aaron.

He pushed him backwards onto Cain’s desk and pushed his jacket off his shoulders.

“Really? In here?” Aaron asked breathlessly.

“Well the Porsche is gone… and I don’t think the two of us will fit in that tiny beetle.” He grinned, making Aaron spread his legs and standing between them. “Unless you don’t want to…”

“I didn’t say that.” Aaron said and pulled him back in for a kiss.

Just as things were getting interesting, and Aaron was fighting with the buttons on Robert’s shirt, trying to undo them instead of ripping them off, the moment was ruined when they heard footsteps on the gravel outside.

They stopped what they were doing and listened for the footsteps, hoping whoever it was would go away.

“Aaron? Where are you hiding mate? Your mum said you were here.” Adam called out as he wandered into the garage. “Aaron?”

“Shit, shit, shit.” Aaron hissed under his breath as he tried to get himself together enough to face his friend. “Stay here. Adam is dumb but he’ll figure it out when he sees you like that.” He told Robert.

“Aaron? Are you here?” Adam called out again.

“I’ll be right back.” He said and kissed Robert again for good measure and stepped away to go meet Adam, only Robert pulled him back in and stole another kiss.

“Hurry.”

Aaron smiled and walked out of the office. Just in time to stop Adam from coming in.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you, mate. Didn’t you hear me just now?”

“Yeah, yeah I heard you. I was just working on something on the computer. Had to save it.” Aaron lied. “What’s up?” he slung an arm around Adam’s shoulder, planning on steering him out of the garage asap so he and Robert could get back to more interesting things.

“I’ve got good news for you. Great news even.” Adam beamed.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes! Vic can go out with me. Her dad got rid of his stupid rule so you’re off the hook!”

“W-what?”

“You don’t have to pretend to like Robert anymore. Vic is a free woman! Free to date yours truly.”

Aaron’s heart sank.

“Oh… right…”

Panic washed over him when he realised Robert had heard everything.

“Her dad wants to meet me tonight though.” Adam went on, completely oblivious to the absolute train wreck he’d unintentionally caused. “So I better get going and get cleaned up at home to make a good impression.”

“Yeah… you uh... you should.”

“See you around bro. And thanks again for your sacrifice and dedication.” Adam joked and left.

Aaron bit his lip and glanced into the direction of the office. He considered running away and pretending none of it had ever happened… but he actually liked Robert… a lot… so he figured he at least owed him an explanation.

He took a deep breath and walked back to the office, secretly hoping Robert didn’t care and would be happy to pick up where they’d left off five minutes ago.

But of course that wasn’t the case.

Instead he saw Robert angrily buttoning up his shirt and looking anywhere but at Aaron.

“I… I can explain…”

“Don’t bother. I heard enough.”

[hutchhitched]

Social Commentary in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Part III

Part 3. Yeah… There’s a whole lot going on in the last third of the book, and I may have had to put it down a few times because I got really excited about how she wove the new book with the original trilogy. I know some people thought Part 3 was over the top, but I found it purposeful and deliberately on the nose, and I think that’s why it works. If you want to see my thoughts on the rest of the book, here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2.

 Major spoilers below:

Tagging some who asked me to and/or are interested: @the-tesseract-wrinkling-time​, @shesasurvivor​, @everlarkedalways​, @xerxia31​, @infinitegraces​, @panemposts, and @endlessnightlock​. Some others are tagged throughout.

 Before we move on to Part 3, I have to backtrack to something from Part 2 I forgot to include in the previous meta (I blame being up till 7 am and only getting four hours of sleep for that). In Chapter 18, Reaper stabs and rips the Panem flag and then uses it to cover the fallen tributes. The reaction of the mentors is shock and horror that the flag has been treated in such a manner. There’s a lot to unpack here. First, desecration of the flag in the US (and I’d guess most other countries, too) is almost always guaranteed to get a reaction. There have been attempts to pass a constitutional amendment to make it a federal crime to burn the flag. Others argue burning the flag is something protected as freedom of speech. Yet, official guidelines for how to treat the flag are broken all the time by letting it touch the ground, not lighting it, not taking it down during inclement weather, and turning it into a massive symbol of patriotism by holding it horizontally on a football field. I saw someone make reference to the outrage against NFL players kneeling during the national anthem as being disrespectful to the flag (even though that was a suggestion of a military veteran, as opposed to sitting during the anthem instead) rather than being outraged at the actions those players were protesting (police brutality against African American men). So, who is it that rips down the flag? Reaper, the tribute from District 11. Rue and Thresh were District 11, as were Chaff and Seeder. All were portrayed in the movies by African American actors. It’s fairly clear in the books that it’s a predominately black district. In other words, it’s likely Reaper is also a black man who tears down the flag of a country that oppresses him so he can provide cover and give dignity to the dead tributes. Now, think about it from a “rebel” perspective, and imagine that’s a Confederate flag that was ripped down. I know in the books that the Districts are the rebels and the Panem flag is more connected to the Capitol, but still. The debate over the (mostly successful) removal of the Confederate flag from former slave states has raged in the US in the past decade. Probably the most famous image of that debate is when a black woman climbed the flagpole at the South Carolina Statehouse and ripped down the flag. Remove the flag of the government that oppresses you, which is what Reaper does.

 Something I find really interesting is the lack of technology in this book. Panem obviously has advanced technology, but it’s not nearly as present as it is in the trilogy. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that’s a result of the depressed economy, and by the time we get to the 74th Hunger Games, the economy in the Capitol has recovered and been used to develop new technologies and products that make life easier for citizens. That’s a post-World War II/1950s consumerism analogy if I’ve ever seen one. Post World War II affluence in the United States was a major factor in the development of new weapons and technology. Because American workers were making more and had savings and wages rose 100% between 1945 and 1968, Americans spent more, bought more, and paid more income tax. The solidification of capitalism as America’s economic system helped the US “win” the Cold War against the Soviets. Because Americans made more and were subsequently taxed more, the government had more money to develop new weapons and technologies. The first computer, the hydrogen bomb, vaccines for polio and smallpox, NASA, and the development of ICBMs all took place during this era. A strong economy typically makes people think the nation/government is strong. Not coincidentally, an early counterculture developed during the 1950s that protested against increased consumerism and senseless spending. The Beats/Beatniks/Beat Generation disliked that Americans spent so much money on frivolous things while others (African Americans, the rural poor, and so on) suffered. Sounds a lot like the Capitol citizens who spent lavishly and didn’t care about the districts. As a slight aside, Allen Ginsberg, one of the Beat Generation’s poets, wrote Howl, which calls out capitalism and repression. I wrote The Cry for @promptsinpanem’s prompt Howl in homage to that. Someday, I might actually expand it.

 In Part 2, I wasn’t sure who had the power, and I really couldn’t figure out Highbottom. That’s mostly cleared up for me by the end of the book. I was intrigued by Pluribus Bell’s (many bells, I love it!) story about Highbottom and Snow’s father before Snow left for District 12. It was the seed that let me hope we’d get more information, and we did. Crassus Xanthos Snow is Snow’s father. Crassus was a member of the First Triumvirate (Julius Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus) and helped transition the Roman Republic to the Roman Empire (from pre to post Hunger Games). He also gained power and influence as a soldier during the slave uprising of Spartacus (became a hero during a rebel uprising). Also, Xanthos is a city in Turkey that’s been conquered repeatedly but always recovers (Snow lands on top!). Highbottom’s first name is Casca, who was one of Caesar’s best friends, but he ends up being the first person to stab Caesar during his assassination. The break in the relationship between the two men is clearly why Highbottom turns on (young) Snow, and the explanation about how the Hunger Games come to be is a pretty big allegory to the betrayal of Crassus (Caesar) by Casca. Also, that explains why Highbottom didn’t ever really seem to be supportive of the Games, even though he was credited as their creator. ( @everlvrks)

 There are a lot of references to Roman names and places in this book and the trilogy. The Capitol seems pretty obsessed with the Classics and wants to reflect that type of lifestyle and elitism. During grad school, one of the books I had to read discussed the obsession America’s Founding Fathers (Washington, Hamilton, Jefferson, and so on) had with the Classics. They emulated Greek and Roman ideals. The District of Columbia (Washington, DC) is named after the Roman goddess of Liberty. Jefferson’s and Washington’s homes use classical architecture like domes and columns and many of the federal buildings (the Capital and White House) reflect that. Add on the Washington Monument (an obelisk—which are found all over in the ancient world) and the columns of the Lincoln Memorial and the dome and columns of the Jefferson Memorial, and well… The Founding Fathers were Deists who revered the Classics, which is why I (a religious historian) always laugh when people tell me the US was founded on religion. Yeah, and the Civil War wasn’t fought over slavery, either.

 Before this book, I would never have thought about Snow having a history with District 12 or a stint as a peacekeeper. I even looked ahead to the title for Part 3 and still didn’t realize that was going to happen, but it makes sense. First, Snow seems to have known Katniss much better than can really be explained. Her hunting outside the fence and her escapes to the Lake were never really solitary because he knew the area. He’d been there before. He’d visited Lucy Gray in the Seam, been to the meadow, and so on. Some people may see that as too much, but it absolutely fits with the draconian oversight of the Capitol during Katniss’ time, and it indicates why Snow was so intrigued and obsessed with her. Second, Snow’s experience in the military would have worked wonders for his political career. He won the Hunger Games, served as peacekeeper, visited the districts, became the youngest person to qualify for officer training, and went to the university. That’s a stellar resumé for a budding politician. Clearly, he was exceptional. Terrible, but exceptional (which is said about super-villain Voldemort in Harry Potter, too).

 I had to stop and put the book down and wiggle with glee when the tree appeared in the distance. I didn’t think we’d get the actual Hanging Tree in the book, but that might have been the most thrilling part for me. It wasn’t overt. She didn’t name it. She just set the scene, but I knew what it was. And then to have the hanging and the man yell out to his “love” and the mockingjays pick up his cry and for Snow to see a mockingjay and immediately hate it… Oh, good night, nurse. It’s just too much. That’s when I made this post. I’ll admit, I have a thing for lone, massive trees. My dad has one on his farm, and there’s a huge, very old Burr oak that’s a local tourist attraction close to where I went to college. I felt like I was driving down the road and seeing it rise from the distance, which I did way too many times during undergrad and grad school.

 References to the Covey having traveled and planning to again travel north were clear indicators that District 13 was alive and well (sorry for the on the nose pun) even back then. It seems obvious to me that Snow kept that information in the back of his mind as he took power and anticipated an eventual attack from there. The fact that his family’s fortune was destroyed in District 13 makes it even more appropriate that the final rebellion came from there, too.

 I didn’t like Lucy Gray in the first two parts of the book, and I’m still not completely taken with her. There’s just something about her I don’t quite trust, and I’m not convinced she was completely in love with Snow. Sejanus thinks she is, but I’m also not sure I trust him to be the most perceptive person either. I’ve discussed this briefly already with some others, but I’m still on the fence about her. I acknowledge that she doesn’t have the same power as Snow does, so it’s not possible by definition for her to play him, but I do think she’s manipulative. Peeta is, too, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does indicate she’s not exactly who she says she is. Lucy Gray’s job as a performer gives me even more pause because her living is made by putting on a show, by performing, by convincing an audience that what she’s doing is authentic. For lack of a better way to put it—If Lucy Gray is a performer, how would Snow ever know what’s real and what’s not real? Sound familiar? (This part’s for you, @lovely-tothe-bone.)

 The songs:

Deep in the Meadow—It’s a lot disconcerting that Katniss’ lullaby to her sister is a song Snow’s heard before out of the mouth of the woman he once loved. Equally disturbing to know that he’s been in the meadow, and I really thought that the song was going to be about Lucy Gray and Snow together there. I’m glad it stayed a lullaby and not a love song. I think it’s fabulous that Katniss and Peeta reclaim the meadow for themselves as a place where their daughter dances. It’s a little bit (a lot) poetic.

 The Hanging Tree—Well, now that we know where that story comes from, I like it even more. The only part of the book I didn’t really like was Snow thinking he had something figured out and then rethinking and then changing his mind and so on. There was a little bit too much of that as he tried to decipher song lyrics, and particularly with this song.

 The public domain songs—I grew up singing these songs (although with some slightly different words), so they all brought a smile to my face. Probably my favorite rendition of Keep on the Sunny Side is from the movie Oh Brother! Where Art Thou? The entire soundtrack is very bluegrass, and good bluegrass is delightful. And it’s nice to know what the Valley Song really is.

 Unnamed—Okay, so my favorite was the first one at the Hob (pp. 362-364). I’m no songwriter, but I could hear the tune, and it was very Lumineers (maybe crossed with the Dixie Chicks?). Upbeat and peppy and feel good, all the way. I also find it interesting that music and concerts are outlawed in District 12 once there’s a new base commander. An allegory on the tendency to cut art programs first? On the power of art as a motivation for action? Both?

 Which brings us to the star-crossed lovers of District 12, or something. Obviously, this brings up images of Katniss and Peeta, but probably the most famous reference is in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet with the star-crossed lovers taking their lives. That’s often read as them being fated to die, which is something Snow seems to follow. He mentions his destiny and fate many times and doesn’t do a very good job of recognizing his choices. There’s one time during the Games when he resolves to do the right thing, but otherwise, no. Shakespeare does also say in Julius Caesar that the fault is not in our stars, but in ourselves (which John Greene used in his book title). Snow doesn’t want to take responsibility for what he does. He chooses to follow the rules instead of what is right. He’s legalistic instead of ethical. There’re a lot of philosophical and religious undertones to that, but I’ll let that float for a while.

 On page 386, Lucy Gray tells Snow, “You’re mine and I’m yours. It’s written in the stars.” I’ll be honest, I almost dropped the book when I read that. In Catching Fire, Katniss says the same thing about Gale, but she doesn’t end up with him. They aren’t fated. She ends up with Peeta, who she chooses to love. I should have known from that point that Lucy Gray and Snow would not end up together, but I still wasn’t sure how that was going to happen. I really did think she was going to break up with him or betray him somehow because that was the only thing I could think of that would make him stop loving her and turn into what he becomes. A broken heart is a really good reason for revenge, but what actually happens so much worse. ( @mtk4fun  and @norbertsmom )

 Snow and Lucy Gray decide to run away together, just like Katniss and Gale were going to in the original trilogy. Lucy Gray is worried the mayor’s going to kill her, and Snow doesn’t want to live without her. Except he realizes really quickly that he doesn’t like life on the run. It’s beneath him. He deserves better. He’s entitled to and fated for more, he thinks. On top of that, he’s passed the officer’s training exam, and suddenly there’s a way out of the pit into which he’s fallen. And then he lies to Lucy Gray.

 Lucy Gray’s said all along the most important thing to her is trust, and then he lies to her. He doesn’t tell her he had a hand in turning in Sejanus. He doesn’t tell her because he’s afraid of losing her, which is a selfish reason, not one to spare her feelings or to protect her. He lies to protect himself. By the time they get to the cabin at the lake, he’s decided he’s not going with her, and she’s realized he’s lied to her. And then the weapon he used to commit murder (for her or him?) is there. Snow snaps quickly after that. There’s a metaphor, I’m sure about him losing his hold on reality and self-control when he’s past the boundaries of civilization, but he falls really, really quickly. He goes from wanting to tell her he’s changed his mind to attempting to murder her. The only thing that really stops him is the snake bite, which is not fatal, but reminds me why I didn’t trust Lucy Gale. Was it deliberate? Did she leave him on purpose? Does she escape him, or does he manage to cut her down? Either way, he doesn’t choose love. Love, which is a selfless act, isn’t his end game. He chooses himself. He chooses being selfish and looking out for himself instead of others. He doesn’t like being vulnerable. He clinically plans to marry someone he doesn’t love, so he never feels exposed again. In short, he makes the opposite choice Katniss does, and that makes all the difference.

 A few other things because this is way too long at this point:

 Peacekeepers: Boot camp for peacekeepers was interesting and strongly resembles the process of the military stripping down differences and making each soldier part of a machine. Haircuts, uniforms, routines, and so on are all about stripping away his identity, and he hates every second of it. He’s too good for that, and there’s entitlement all over the place. That’s very different from the peacekeepers from the districts who join the military as a way out of poverty. I mean, Snow does, too, but only because he’s forced.

 Betrayal: Recording Sejanus and Snow justifying it was hard to read. It was harder to read about the execution. And then to have the Plinths take Snow in after he returns to the Capitol is absolutely the worst. Despicable behavior.

 Poisoning Highbottom: It doesn’t surprise me, and it’s exactly what the rumors in the original books were. Snow kills his rivals to ascend.

 Snow’s role in the Games: The Hunger Games change dramatically between the 10th and the 74th. It’s clear Snow has a significant role in how and why that happens. The tributes aren’t caged and are housed in luxury. The cattle cars are replaced with a high-speed train with lots of food. The tributes get stylists and prep teams instead of being unwashed and dirty. In other words, the treatment of tributes becomes more humane, which becomes even more problematic. At least Lucy Gray knew she was being offered up as a sacrifice. No one lied to her about what she was. The implementation of these ways to fatten the lambs up for slaughter is horrific and cruel and very Snow.

 Finally, the purpose of the Hunger Games changes for Snow by the time we get to the end of the book. They are no longer just a way to punish the districts. They’re a way to exert controlled warfare instead of a messy war between the Capitol and the districts. It’s still kids being forced to kill kids. The tributes are still kids in cages. They’re still “not from here.” The Capitol kids are to be protected, but the parents in the poor areas aren’t able to take care of their own. It’s all deliberate. Collins doesn’t pull punches about the treatment of migrant children in cages or the murder of schoolchildren. What she does is point out that we don’t really mean what we say about protecting children. We’re only outraged for our own, not for those who are different. Suzanne Collins doesn’t have time for white privilege, American elitism, tyrannical government, excessive capitalism, or excuses, and her book reads that way. I loved every word of it.

[stretchjournalemerson]

Everything Stays

By Mila A.

*names of some characters have been changed.

When my parents sat down my 8 year old self and told me that my hamster had died, I just looked at them. “Oh…” I said after a while. “Can I get a new one?”

I remember them looking at each other with a concerned and surprised look on their faces. “Aren’t you sad?” My dad asked. I gave a quick answer of “yes” and went back to my room.

When my dad pulled my 10 year old self out of the children center at my moms work to tell me that Grandpa had died, I just stood there. “Oh… can I keep playing here?” Is all I said. He said I couldn’t, and that we had to go see mom. My mom and dad hugged and cried in the dingy cafe kitchen at Golds Gym as I stood and watched, their grief beyond my understanding.

Death terrifies me. Not of it happening to me, but of what it does to the people around it. It changes everything, making a home in its witnesses' hearts forever. It’s helpless and powerful and controlling, and I hate it. I was intensely close with my grandpa, a rugged, bearded sailor with a beautiful house and farm in Long Island. He was a veteran and stuck to his intense beliefs about manhood and respect like they were life and death. I was close with him, but I refused to feel his death. I believed that to feel it would mean that I accepted it.

No death is easy, but I wish I could say Grandpa’s death was a simple one: a funeral, family bonding, a grieving period, and coming to terms with the death as you continue on with your life. I wish I could look back on my grandpa's death with only happy remembrance. I wish that his death hadn’t altered the entire course of my childhood. But death is death, afterall. Maybe there is no such thing as a simple one.

During the funeral process we were staying at Grandpa’s house with his wife, Edith, and their young daughter, Ella. Edith is not my biological grandma, and is a decent amount younger than Grandpa. Their daughter was only a few years older than me at the time of his death. Their house was beautiful, with intricate stone walls and high vaulted ceilings. During what came to be my last time in the house, I overheard a whispered conversation between my parents. Much of the conversation went over my head, but I heard mentions of calling a lawyer. I quickly scrubbed the conversation from my brain in hopes that nothing more would come of it. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my brother, in hopes that not talking about it would keep it in some far away land separate from reality. This didn’t work, however, and the legal battle started when we got home from the funeral. My parents didn’t talk about it with me, but I could tell it was serious. All I knew is that Edith had changed my grandpa’s will so that she got everything and we got nothing.

Edith had always been a confusing figure in my life. I couldn’t pinpoint an exact reason as to why, but I always felt watched when around her, as if she was looking for a reason to dislike me. It was her and her daughter, and my family and my grandpa. They weren’t a part of our family and never seemed interested in joining. I never knew anything about her life, what she did, or how she met my grandpa. I had no real reason to expect it, but I wasn’t at all surprised by her betrayal. I also never learned the reason behind it. Was she a scared widow who didn’t know how to get by without her husband, or were her actions completely based on greed? I never really cared about motive. No matter what, her actions were unredeemable to me.

The main attraction of this story happened three years later. The legal battle was in full swing until Edith and Ella went missing. The two had told friends they were going on a trip yet didn’t return. Two missing women and a dramatic legal battle? The media had a field day. News sites from all over began covering the disappearance with reporters contacting my aunt and mom daily. I was 13 at the time and had my first phone, which was my mom's old one. Since the phone number was still registered as hers, I received many of the phone calls from reporters trying to make sense of the situation. I even received a voicemail from Good Morning America inviting us onto the show.

Even three years after his passing, I still wasn’t feeling my grandpa’s death. I also wasn’t registering the fact that my family was. I remember telling my mom about the call from Good Morning America, expecting her to find it as crazy and exciting as I did. Instead, she just looked at me for a few seconds and told me to delete the voicemail. She didn’t reply to any reporters or read any of the articles being written about our family, and I didn’t understand why. I realized later that to my grieving mom and aunt, this wasn’t a crazy kidnapping story but instead a reminder of who they lost to death and greed.

The situation didn’t last very long. It was revealed that the two hadn’t been injured or kidnapped as many had speculated but were in hiding instead. They came back and the legal battle continued. Two years later Edith disappeared again but the media had grown bored at that point. She came back, wrote a poorly rated book about the situation, and continued with the legal battle. Another year and the battle was over. We won mostly everything, including the multi-million dollar house in Long Island and an expensive car.

It wasn’t until after the legal battle was done that I started to come to terms with what happened. My mom told me that we were selling his house and the farm he and Edith owned nearby. My heart sunk as I thought about all the memories that were being sold away. Some of my happiest memories come from Long Island, where he had lived. Grandpa’s house always smelled old, but not in a bad way. There were stone walls and animal furs and a grand piano. I would sit on his leather couches and reread Percy Jackson over and over again. I would get in everyone's way when the family made pancakes in the kitchen. I would wander the farm for hours, breathing in the sour smell of the horse stables. I’d chase barn cats around in hopes of befriending them. I’d sit and watch the ducks on the farm pond and create stories about which ones were in love with each other. That farm was my playground; it was all a young girl could want. Those were my years of childlike wonder.

Grandpa was in the background of each of these memories, completely inseparable from the best years of my life. He'd be reading a book next to me in his recliner, or in the farm with me feeding the animals. The loss of the house and farm is what made me realize how significant of a loss Grandpa’s death was. The fact that I would never be back to the foundation of my childhood reminded me that I would never again see the man who made my younger years so great in the first place.

For a while after this realization, I was bitter. I wondered if I would still be able to go to the house and farm if Edith hadn’t caused all the drama that she did. I resented her for causing division after my Grandpa's death instead of unity. Her selfishness made my family’s grief a spectacle, and her actions drew out the mourning process for years.

Out of everything, my journey towards acceptance was sparked by an Adventure Time song. It came after a 7 episode mini-series called “Stakes,” where the character Marceline thinks about her past and her life as an immortal vampire. Her attempt to cure her vampirism causes her past to come back and threaten the lives of her and her friends. After she goes on a journey of growth and reflection she defeats the evil and accepts the fact that the past is the past and that she will always be a vampire. The song, called “Everything Stays,” plays as the series closes. The chorus goes, “Everything stays, just where you left it / Everything stays, but it still changes / Ever so slightly, daily and nightly / In little ways, but Everything Stays.”

The message of the mini-series and song is that life goes on and changes, but the memories and happiness you once felt always remains. The song made me realize that treating my old happy memories with bitterness does nothing but tarnish them. My childhood happiness exists inside me in the memories I have of my grandpa. The events after my Grandpa’s death did force me out of that childhood wonder, but they didn’t make it disappear all together. “Everything Stays” portrayal of your memories as something tangible and constant inside of you made me choose to hold Grandpa close to my heart.

Death still scares me, and I don’t think there will ever come a time where it doesn’t. Processing my Grandpa’s death did show me I have more control than I thought I did, however. I can control how I hold the memories of those I’ve lost. My memories aren’t symbols of what I've lost, they’re reminders of what once was. They’re happy, innocent, and joyful, even if what happened afterwards was not.

My memories of my grandpa are strictly mine. Not Edith's, and not deaths. I decide what to do with them, and I choose to remember.

Acknowledgements: I’d like to thank Adventure Time for giving me a song that would come to represent the happy memories I have with my grandma, and I’d like to thank Grandpa for being such an inspirational and caring man. I could write 100 more pages about him and his character alone.