#i just think that kaz brekker needs some soft things

[spideybarnesss]

headcanon that kaz has a quilt on his bed in the slat that his mom made when he was younger. it’s made from old work shirts that his dad and jordie had either outgrown or ripped beyond repair, stuffed with cotton and corn silk and warm beyond belief. it was one of the only things that jordie had managed to save from their time on the streets and when kaz had stumbled back into the alley that they both died in that day, the blanket was still wedged in the narrow crack between the buildings. 

it had smelled like soot and a little bit like jordie. 

[lady-ashfade]

Can you do a kazzle dazzle were kaz is like in love with reader while reader doesn't think so and all the crows tease him and stuff because its somewhat obvious to everyone but reader. And kaz like leaves her anonymous gifts. And then maybe a love confection at the end?

Sorry if your not taking requests

What gave me away?

Kaz brekker x Fem!Reader

I’ve seen so much like this and I just love it! I want kaz to gift me things.

Notes: Longest kaz fic of mine, like I haven’t wrote this much for one character in a while. You can be a crow in this, or just work at the club.

Warnings: Fluffy, cursing I think, teasing from the group, kaz being a little soft. Maybe some angst. Spelling mistakes.

His hooded eyes stared at her fingers as she washed to counter, moving them up he looks at her face. The face that he admired and couldn’t help but feel warm when he looked at her. She wear a dress, not too fancy or too boring. She worked the bar or help the kitchen at times, so she always got stains on her dress. She looked beautiful to him even now, messy dress and a little dirt on her cheek.

She had her lips pouted a bit and at whatever she was thinking about, he found it cute. He couldn’t help but do this often, he just feel in a trace. Kaz let his mind run to far that everyone there notice his absence mind. Smirking, Nina was the first to speak. “You got a bit of drool there, boss.” She leaned close and pointed to the corner of his lips but never touched him.

Kaz broke his trance and turned to her with a glare, “Excuse me?” She laughed and sat back into her boyfriend arms. “You’re partially ripping her clothes off in your mind. And not to mention your heart is acting weird, you wanna go talk to her?” She asked with a teasing small voice as if she was talking to a child.

He took a deep breath of annoyance and rolled his eyes. “She’s using the wrong rag, she should have switched it out a hour ago.” He stated to throw their thoughts off. Nina nodded but she didn’t believe it, no one at the table did. “I don’t know boss” Jesper tapped in, “You were giving her the eyes.” He moved his eyebrows.

“What eyes?” Kit had no clue what he was talking about. Jesper laughed and turned to wylan who already knew what to do. They stare at each other with big eyes and admiring their features, like a puppy. Nina giggled and hit the table, “He looks exactly like that!” Kaz groaned at their teasing, “Stop taking or you’re all out a job.” He grabbed his cane and stood up with it.

“No, boss don’t leave.” Jesper called out as they watch him leave, “Kazzel, we’re sorry.” Nina watched him leave. Once he disappeared they all looked at each other with big smirks. “He was totally drooling.” Jesper laughed. “Totally, now” she pulled out her coin purse. “Who wants to bet on them?” The table pitched in and were planning to get Inej in on it later.

//~//

His office was quiet and he could hear the sounds dying down as the club closed and the workers left, the only person left was you and the other crows. A knock at the door made his ears perk up, he knew who it was. “Come on.” His voice sounded light and low. You step through the door with a tray in your hand and carefully walked. “What have you brought this time?” He continued to write on the paper.

You smiled and walked over to him and set the tray on the table in the corner. “Well, get ready to eat a feast.” You giggle and picked up a big plate. He pushed his paper away, he learned that even if he wasn’t hungry you wouldn’t care. You placed the plate down in front of him and set down the  utensils he needed. “Cabbage rolls, with a small side of eggs. And my favorite, seasoned potatoes.”

He looked up at you, his eyes questioning you. “We didn’t serve these tonight.” You smiled and shrugged, “They just appeared out of no where.” You walked back over to the table to get the other things you brought him. “And you’d feed this to me not knowing if it was poison?” He grabbed the fork and poked the food, but he knew you had made it. “Maybe I want whatever you have stashed around here.”

He hummed and you came back over and set down a glass of water and a smaller plate, a sweet roll on top of it. He remembered when you found out he had a sweet tooth you always got him one, he hated someone knowing that. But if it was going to be anyone he was fine with it being you.

“You better drink the whole glass of water, and eat at least half of everything.” You dropped your eyelids and leaned on his decks. “If that’s all, leave me to it.” He looked back down. Your eyes glanced over a bit and your breath hitched. Nodding you picked up the tray and walked out of the room like he told you.

“You should stay, be with me for a while.” The words you always wished to hear spoke through your head in his voice. You knew kaz was closed off, he didn’t like to show anyone anything he didn’t have to. It was known that he cared about you and the crows…But you hoped he cared more, like you did him. Each night you glanced at him, when he would walk around the bar with a glare and looked like a angry dog. You hated yourself for falling for a man that couldn’t love you back.

The next day you walked through the alleyways as the fog still covered the streets, the sun coming up and the soft light shined. You did like the morning because the way you took, there was never many people. You got to hear the birds that nest around and you could hear yourself think. Entering the club you worked and smiled at the men that work the table set up, you went to the bar. As you got closer you noticed something on the table, a box wrapped in a ribbon that wasn’t there when you closed.

Curiosity got the better of you and you looked at the note attached to it and your eyes widen as you saw your name written. There was no other name or any hint as to who it could be. It could be some sort of bomb or a poisons animal, but sometimes you couldn’t let the wonders stay. So you took of the top of the box and saw a few cookie cutters and your heart stop as you pick one of them up. You remember them from the store you went by, you stayed about a hour just convincing yourself not to waste money.

You looked up to see if anyone was looking at you, if you could spot the person who gifted it but you saw no one. Smiling big you took the box and put it under the corner. Everyone noticed the whole day you were more happy and hopping around the place. Everyone was more alive to see you like that, and it made them feel happier. When Nina asked what you were so happy about, you told her about the gift. “Who got it for you.” She raised a cup to her mouth and then took a bite of her waffle. “No clue, it wasn’t signed.” She was stunned for a moment as you walked off. Then she remembered that your boss was aways interested in your smile, so she put the pieces together.

That was just the start of the weekly gifts that were on the counter when you entered the club. Sometimes it was a flower vase with your favorite flowers. Sometimes it was new baking equipment, others it was just small things you would look at in the market. Once your shoes broke at work and you had to finish the shift with no shoes. Then, a man came in with a new pair as the club closed and that was your final straw.

You needed to find the person. They always knew what you wanted or needed. At first you thought it would be Inej because she couldn’t be seen, but you asked her and she said no. You could tell when she was lying. You asked everyone and they all said no, but you never asked kaz. It wasn’t even on your mind but it you needed to cross every box off. So when you brought him his nightly meal you had the perfect opportunity to ask.

This time his sweet was a cookie in the shape of one of the cutters he had got you. He lightly smiled with his eyes because you had used it. “Kaz.” You set down the glass on his desk. He glanced at you and then back down for you to get the words out. You tried to control the sweat coming off your body and your heart from beating fast.

“I’ve been getting these gifts, and I have no idea who they are from.” He nodded his head and picked up some food with his fork. “And are they threatening?” You shook your head and bit your lips. “No, they are sweet actually. Who ever is sending them is actually paying attention to me.” You fumbled your hands.

“Is that all you wanted to say? Why tell me this?” He sound annoyed. “Because I wanted to know if..” you stoped and looked at him. He let a few seconds pass by and looked up at you as you went silent and frozen. “If?” He asked to get you to keep going.

You needed to just bite the bullet and ask him. Part of you wanted it to be him- No. All of you wanted it to be him. To know that he pays attention to you, noticing everything like you do him. “Are you sending them?” You let out a breath. He stopped for a minute and looked into your eyes, you noticed his lips slowly curl up into a smirk.

“What gave me away?”

That wasn’t what you thought you would hear. And you actually thought you imagined it for a minute. It made your mind fly with thoughts and it took you so much by surprise, you stop working for a moment. “So, it was you?” Your brows raised themselves but crunched, he loved that look. “Hmm, but I should have guessed you would have figured me out.”

It clinked into your brain, it made your stomach fill with butterflies and heart flatter. “So, why did you do it?” You smiled at him. “I like to see you smile. I needed to show you thatI think about you non stop but, i couldn’t say it to your face.” He was truthful. “I-” he took a deep breath and raised his hand slowly and put it above yours. You he had a problem with touch, and that he was working on it.

Before you could voice your opinion he place his hand on top of your softly, it fit over yours perfectly. It was warm and the leather felt nice. “I have these feelings for you, that I don’t know what to do with. But, I’d like to have you as mine.” You smiled wide and tried not to cry, so you giggled at the overwhelming feeling.

“I will be yours, Kaz Brekker.” He actually smiled for the first time, not a small one but a bigger one. You could tell he was trying for you and you couldn’t help but find it adorable, but you couldn’t voice it. “Now, eat up and I’ll be back in a few. I want you to tell me that again.” You pranced out his office like you owned the place and acted high and mighty.

He sighed and chuckled, shaking his head at how much you affected him. The only warmth he felt inside was thinking of you, or seeing you.

“I’ll be yours kaz brekker.” He would replay those words in his head until his last breath.

[sophierequests]

call me what you like

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Requests

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x f!Reader

A/N: Hello thereee, I just saw that I still have some drafts of non-requested fics, so I may just finish some of these before moving on to the newer requests. This is pretty short (and kinda stupid), but I just needed something cute for the vibes.

Summary: Kaz and the reader have been married for quite some years now, unbeknownst to their friends. But what if a slip up causes this shared secret to come to the surface?

Genre: Fluff and Comedy

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: Slight ooc!Kaz, marriage, cringe

“Kaz, do you still need the blueprints of Hoede’s mansion, or can I stow them away? They’ve been rotting here for weeks now, and I doubt that they’ll be needed in the near future.” you inquired gently, watching Kaz as he looked over the bank statements of the Crow Club.

His eyes darted to you and the rolls of blueprints, as he began to mentally consider the possibility of requiring the maps in the following missions.

“There won’t be any need for that any time soon. You may put them away.” he answered, his voice rough from spending the majority of his day working.

You sighed, meeting his gaze again. He was overworking himself again, and both of you knew that. But, no matter how hard you tried, he wouldn’t back down until everything was meticulously planned out.

“Do you need anything else? I can get you some tea? Have you eaten? You should consider taking a break.” you asked softly, stepping closer to his desk.

“I’m finishing that paper, and then I’ll join you for dinner.”

“You better do. Or else I have to drag you down there myself.” you playfully threatened, pointing the blueprints in the direction of his face.

His lips twitched into something akin to a grin, as he eyed you carefully.

“Thank you, darling. What would I do without you.” he cooed, his voice uncharacteristically caring.

Well, uncharacteristically to basically everyone else. Not to you.

“What was that, Brekker? Don’t let anyone else hear that, or they might think Dirtyhands has gone soft.” you teased with a smile, very much enjoying his flattery.

“Am I not allowed to talk to my wife that way?”

“I’m not complaining, love. But someday you might let it slip in front of someone else.”

Kaz nodded, knowing what you were referring to. The two of you had been married for quite a while now, unbeknownst to anyone else. Not even the Crows knew of your marriage or your relationship for that matter. It was hard keeping it a secret from everyone you loved, but in the Barrel, love was not a thing to portray publicly, especially not for one of the most notorious criminals in the city. So, in order to keep the both of you safe, you decided to act as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you.

This had worked surprisingly well. While you and Kaz spent way more time with each other, even trying to work on his touch aversion, your friends tried their best to get you together. They were convinced that there had to be some chance to bring you to admit your feelings for the other. You had to try your best to not let anything slip. To not accidentally touch his shoulder comfortingly after a failed job, or stand just a little bit too close to him while you were out. Especially, having to hide your wedding band pained you deeply, but you managed to attach it to a chain, hanging it around your neck and saying that it was your parents’ wedding ring. Kaz, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have any problems with hiding his genuine feelings towards you. As the years went on, however, he started to act a little bit more careless. His longing gazes getting longer, and his attention span during meetings getting shorter. It scared you that even the Bastard of the Barrel was beginning to crack when it came to his love life.

“Quit worrying. It doesn’t suit you.” your husband smirked, turning back to his work.

You only shook your head, flashing him a quick smile, as you left his office.

This play went well for a few more weeks. Until it didn’t.

It should’ve been a simple meeting. And it was for a while.

The Crows were all sitting at their respective places in Kaz’s office. Jesper and Wylan were sat right next to each other in a love seat, barely inches away from being situated in each other’s laps. Nina and Matthias had gotten, more or less, comfortable on the small couch that was facing the work desk, with Inej lounging on the thick armrest next to them. You sat on the small platform leading up to the window, close enough to Kaz so that you could see every tiny change of expression that flew across his face.

“Kaz, we’ll definitely need the keys to get into the warehouse. I checked the locks, and there’s no way, not even for you, to solve these without triggering the defence mechanism.” Inej stated after recounting some of the other observations she had made on her previous trip to the warehouse district.

“Don’t tell me that we have to go back into Hoede’s mansion.” Wylan groaned, throwing his head back, visibly not enjoying this suggestion.

“I fear we have no other choice.” Kaz grumbled, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

He was obviously unamused by the prospect of breaking into Councilman Hoede's mansion again, but there seemed to be no other way to get into the warehouse.

His hands wandered to the edge of his desk, irritation evident as they reached an empty spot, where the blueprints should’ve been. Embarrassingly, his eyes met yours in an instant, pleading for you to do something about the missing papers.

“Oh, I put them in the upper left drawer.” you answered the silent question, causing Jesper to smirk at you, entertained by the abstract communication system the two of you had established.

Before Kaz could get up, you hopped off the platform and crossed the room to get to said drawer.

“Don’t bother, I’ll get them.”

You heard some of the others - Wylan, Jesper and Nina, to be exact - chuckle at your statement, amused by your quick reaction.

Quickly, you found the plans and handed them over, receiving a thankful nod from Kaz. However, his next words caught you completely off-guard.

“Thank you, love.”

After uttering these words, the room went quiet. Everyone staring at you and Kaz. Your eyes flashed in his direction, shock was plastered on your face, as you searched his eyes, waiting for the pointe of a joke you missed. He already noticed his slip up, the cogs turning inside his head to come up with a possible way to talk himself out of this dilemma. You sat back down slowly, feeling a faint blush taint your cheeks, whilst Kaz turned his attention to the plans in front of him again, acting as if he didn’t just drop a massive bombshell.

“We have to look into an alternative escape route, in case things go south. Our last route worked out pretty well, but we can’t rely on it too heavily, otherwise we’re getting too predictable.” he tried to turn the team’s attention back to the plan again.

Inej either knew exactly what was going on, or she just tried to play into his attempt at saving face, because the professional expression returned to her face.

“As far as I know, there’s a barricaded basement door close to the west entrance. If we’re careful enough, we can slip in almost unnoticed.” she started, her gaze wandering between you and Kaz.

The general attention of the others, however, wasn’t even close to being focused on the factual discussion. Nina wasn’t leaning on Matthias anymore, instead, she was sitting up straight, a mischievous grin graced her face, whilst Matthias just stared straight at Kaz. Jesper’s face wasn’t as joyous anymore. He was currently trying to sort out his thoughts, straining to understand what was going on. Wylan looked utterly shocked, his eyes meeting yours, an unspoken question lying within them.

Before Kaz could continue to speak, however, Jesper shook his head, removing his arm from his partner’s shoulder and shaking his hands profusely.

“Are we not going to talk about what just happened?” he asked, his voice playful, but also genuinely shocked.

“What did just happen? I don’t think that there’s anything to talk about, but the plan, so if you don't mind-” Kaz inquired calmly.

“Oh, you’re not getting away that easily.” Jesper retorted, his gaze moving towards you again, “You can’t deny it, Kaz. You just called Y/N ‘love’!”

“Jesper, I doubt that this is relevant t-”

“Saints, just ask her out already!” Nina interjected, throwing her head back into the couch, “It’s getting painful to watch. And you embarrassed yourself enough already with that statement.”

Kaz paused, his face turning towards you almost pleadingly. You knew that there was no other way out of this situation, so you just nodded slightly.

“Am I not allowed to talk about my wife that way?” he asked, his question sounding rather like a statement.

The room went quiet again. Even Inej stopped dead in her tracks, as her brain steadily connected the dots.

“Wife? As in, you’re officially married and all that jazz?” Wylan sputtered, almost tripping over his own words as he talked.

“Brekker, you’re not serious, are you?” Nina added, her mouth staying a little agape after finishing her sentence.

“He can’t be serious. We would’ve definitely noticed if two of our best friends were married.” Jesper tried to rationalize the uncomfortable situation.

“And also, the Demjin wouldn’t have the guts to ask someone out.” Matthias said, acting as if you and Kaz wouldn't be in the room too.

Inej’s eyes travelled between you and Kaz again, as a knowing smile formed on her lips. She shook her head in disbelief, as she started to talk.

“The ring around your necklace didn’t belong to your parents, did it?” she asked, looking at you intently.

“Nope.” you replied, grinning back at her, as you took off the necklace carefully.

Her head turned, and her gaze shifted towards her boss again.

“There also was no trading mission in Ravka that the two of you had to attend all these years ago, was there?” she added, barely being able to contain her laughter.

“There was. It just wasn’t the reason why we had to delay our departure for two weeks. Adding a honeymoon to a business trip is definitely something to experience.” he answered matter-of-factly, a crooked grin on his lips.

“Don't tell me that you're in on the joke too, Inej?” the sharpshooter inserted himself back into the conversation, still not believing anything that was said.

“Jes, we’re serious.” you chuckled, removing the wedding band from its chain, and putting it on your ring finger.

Kaz’s eyes followed your motions intently, a content expression settling on his face.

“Wait, that job in Ravka was like,” Wylan started, pausing quickly to sort through his memories, “three years ago?”

“You’ve been together for three years?” Nina blurted out, also continuing to stare at you.

“Don't be ridiculous, Zenik. We’ve been married for three years. We’ve been together for way longer.” Kaz stated coolly, having to force a controlled expression onto his features, whilst a smile was trying to break through the surface.

“What?” was the general reaction you got from your friends, some still shocked by this new revelations, others just smiling at the two of you.

You tried to meet Kaz’s gaze again, but he was focused on something else. With controlled motions, he began removing his black leather gloves, revealing a pair of slender pale hands. The golden wedding band he wore on his left finger was a stark contrast to the almost white skin of his hands.

“Djiel receive me, the Demjin is wearing one too.” Matthias muttered under his breath, as your friends started bombarding you with questions.

[grandlinedreams]

hey babes!!! i just want to say that i love your law fics! and i stumbled across the soulmate law fic and you talked how law is so kaz brekker coded 🥹 glad im not the only one!! i would love to see more law in kaz moments just like the scene when kaz treated inej in the bathroom (im not sure if you've done this trope before but i love the tension between kanej) 🤣

GOD BLESS YOU you know what i'm talking abt they're so similar yet different but OUGH YES i had to find my copy and reread the chapter so i could get a good read again hhhfnd

[Heads up!: some good ol' pining, mention of injuries, pre-dressrosa/post punk hazard]

The door to the bathroom is open, shiny tile and bright lighting ㅡ and you, making neat strips of clean cloth for bandaging. Law doesn't knock to announce his presence, knows he doesn't have to. Though you don't look up, you're aware of him.

"There are two doctors on this ship," he intones, "you could have had one of us patch you up."

Snip. Another strip of bandage. "Both of you are injured. I hardly think it fair to ask you to do more while you heal."

"I think you're still bleeding." Law nods to the bright red that blossoms through the bandage that you have wound around your upper arm, approaching. "I can help."

You secure yourself further against the basin, watching him. In the reflection, he catches a peek of the tattoo stamped over the topmost knot of your spine ㅡ he looks away.

"I'm sorry."

You don't ask him what he's apologizing for ㅡ there are a thousand things he could be apologizing for, a thousand that he should.

Apologies don't come easy for a man like him.

"Were you the one who shot me?" He doesn't like the way you stare at him, Law realizes. Too analytical, too much like you're pulling him apart meticulously, piece by piece. He wonders ㅡ if you reach in far enough to pull the dark, wild thing of his heart out, would you be afraid of him?

"No. Butㅡ"

"Then you have nothing to apologize for." His teeth grit, jaw aching with the force of it. You make it sound as though the world deals in absolutes, measured evenly and doled out in the same way.

It doesn't, he knows that. If the world were fair, he may still not have his family, but he'd still have Cora.

"You shouldn't have come with me." He still hasn't moved towards you, evaluating you like a cornered animal despite the relaxed set of your shoulders, the loose curl of your hands for balance on the basin.

"I pledged my loyalty to you, not to a ship crew without their captain."

Law wonders if you've ever lied in your life. You meet his gaze, and his eyes narrow. He should demand you leave ㅡ find some way to get ahold of Bepo and the others, make you leave.

(He needs you to stay.)

He finally slots himself in the space between your knees, takes hold of your arm with one hand, the scissors you'd been using with the other.

Despite the blood seeping through, the wind of bandage is neat, efficient ㅡ you've watched him do it so many times.

Snip.

Bare skin, marred only for the clean, punched hole that oozes fresh blood. If it hurts, you don't show it.

He holds his hand out without looking at you, soft cloth against his fingers that he dabs your wound with.

"What's your intention in Dressrosa?"

Blood seeps into the cloth. "This should be stitched."

He doesn't need to look up to know you're staring at him. He can feel your gaze, fights the urge to look at you. "It's fine."

He winds white bandage around it, lost in the soft loop around your arm as he finally answers your question. "To bring down Doflamingo."

Scissors gleam in the lighting overhead. Your eyes, dark moon pupils haloed by color ㅡ dismantling him, piece by piece. "What are you really after?"

Snip.

The scissors clatter into the basin as his hands meet the mirror on either side of your head. This close, he could kiss you. Let his hands wander, touch, selfishly covet the way he so badly wants to. But he doesn't.

(His hands are bloodstained, and yours are not.)

His eyes lock with yours, his fingers curling. "The means to an end."

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Finally finished the outline of Daughter of the Rain and Snow and I know exactly how the ending is going down almost pretty much (details are blurry, but plot and character arcs are completely outlined and ready to write instead of just bullet points or vague ideas) so out of interest (won’t necessarily stick to it 100% but would still like to know) what would anyone like to see next if you would like to continue reading my stuff?

Explanations below cut

Sequel

I have every intention to write this one, I have characters but thus far not a main plot more of just the premise. Would follow Ahra, Evan, Yara, maybe Vix, and maybe Lilia as our young Dregs and start around when Kaz and Inej left for Ravka since the Dregs was kinda on the verge of collapse whoops. Can’t go into too much detail or they’ll be spoilers for the current fic but there’d be the opportunity for some Aimee and Kiada, and Kanej would still be present but they might not be in focus (again, can’t explain too much or they’ll be spoilers). There might even be some Fiona or some Maya stuff who knows

I really want to write this bc I really want to write Ahra’s story so it’ll probably end up coming around at some point but I realise it might not be the most interesting to y’all when it’s mostly ocs so yeah

Feliks had been more than lenient with Ahra. He’d been the only person who ever gave her a real job - playing her violin in the reception of the White Rose - and when things had predictably gone haywire he’d been good enough to only turn her away, not Evan too. Ahra hadn’t much cared for the job, she loved her violin but she did not enjoy watching the Rose’s clients come and go and she certainly hadn’t cared for having her skin paled and her hair Tailored white for such purposes, but it was easy money and enough to keep them ticking over as all of Evan’s funds petered away on overpriced little medicine bottles. She studied the thin stack of kruge in her hand, thinking of Kaz standing opposite her in the alley by the Slat.

“I don’t need your charity, Brekker,”

“And far be it from me to offer you any,”

Not charity, but she didn’t doubt Dirtyhands had his own purposes in paying her for a job she failed to finish. Still, cash was cash. And medicine was medicine. She tucked it back into her breast pocket and tapped it lightly, slipping round the corner and pulling a bone light from her jacket.

What Evan didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

Helnik

This was an idea I had a looooong time ago and I shared a little snippet scene on here, but then I started writing Daughter of the Rain and Snow and never looked back. I really want to write this one I think it could be pretty cool, it would be relatively short set in between Crooked Kingdom and King of Scars and take place in Ravka; based on a headcanon I have about Nina learning how to use her new power and as a result of it experiencing hallucinations of Matthias being with her that she is fully convinced are real. Following Nina, Zoya, and Genya as they try to navigate this and worry that they shouldn’t let Nina got to Fjerda in this state.

“What time is it?” she mumbled into the cushions.

“A little after seven bells,”

“Saints, how disgusting,”

Nina sighed, in a mixture of content and tiredness. The luxury of the Little Palace was a mostly welcome change from crawling in next to Matthias in the tomb at Black Veil - or even of the hotel room at the Geldrenner. They’d shared a sofa, so close to each other; limbs entangled, chest against her back so she could feel his heart beating. A steady rhythm, no matter what he was feeling. The big bed here was more comfortable, but the closeness felt like an aching absence, as though the few feet between them spanned for miles. She reached out behind her and found something soft that she decided was his arm.

“Come closer,” she whispered, and she imagined the way he’d smile.

He would press her fingers to his lips and she would roll over to face him. She’d reach out and touch his cheek, and he would catch her hands in his.

“Witch,”

“Barbarian,”

“Little Red Bird,” he would say, just before his lips met hers

The sunlight would be warm and soft on their skin as they moved closer, as she felt his heart beating beneath her fingers.

But he hadn’t moved. He hadn’t come closer, or kissed her fingers, or brushed his lips against hers. He had not gently pushed her hand down towards his wrist so their fingers could intertwine.

“Matthias?”

Nina made the mistake of rolling over, and began to scream.

Wesper

There’s a line in Crooked Kingdom where Jesper says if Van Eck really couldn’t cope with Wylan not being able to read he could have told people he was blind, the point being that still would’ve been wrong but that everything he’d resorted to was unnecessary and Wylan shouldn’t feel like it was his fault. So this would be an au where Van Eck did exactly that and Wesper attend Ketterdam university together; Wylan grapples with his father being the worst and falling for Jesper as he fears telling him the truth, Jesper grapples with addiction and wanting to stay at university partly for the sake of falling for Wylan.

Jesper leaned in, pushing one of Wylan’s curls back off his face.

“It’s pity you can’t see how beautiful your eyes are,”

Wylan blushed, letting Jesper run his hand over his cheek and tilt his face up towards his own. Jesper leaned forward but then Wylan squirmed, just slightly, and Jesper tensed as he pulled his hand away.

“And me, of course,” he added, letting his voice take on a teasing lilt to brush past the moment, “It’s a shame you don’t know how gorgeous I am,”

Wylan almost smiled, but he had stepped away.

“I- erm,” he brushed his fingers through the lock of hair Jesper had moved and cleared his throat, “Excuse me,”

And then he was gone.

[not-a-big-slay]

Cruel summer

Kaz Brekker x gn!reader

I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar

Said, "I'm fine, " but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate

And I screamed for whatever it's worth

"I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

summary: it was always complicated with him, but when alcohol starts to question your situationship, you decide to let it all out...

warnings: alcohol, drunk confession, mentions of blood (non- violent)

a/n: did you know im obssesed with writing fics to taylor's songs? anyways, i had this idea on a long car ride, listening to this song and i wanted to write this for the longest time. its super similar to my fic jigsaw, but what can i say, im a sucker for drunk confessions. i made it gender neutral, so its told like "you did this" ,"he looked at you" etc. also, why tf did i think that gn reader means goodnight and that it means something similar like SFW. my first post in 2023, enjoy :)

Your blinking was slower and slower, eyes focusing on your floppy feet that tried to gain balance with every step. You thought you did a good job with not falling, thinking of it as a miracle, yet you entirely ignored the gentle force on your hip, navigating you outside. "When you said we should get a drink, I thought of one, not...several" Jesper with his hand on your side stopped mid-sentence, thinking about the number of drinks you talked him in to, but failed due to his own drunk self. His voice had a surprising echo, and you soon realised so did the other noise around you. Strangers' laughs entered your ears repeatedly, as if they were worried you wouldn't hear them the first time, horses' hooves stepped in front of you and their impact with the stone ground rang like church bells at midnight.

You were so taken by the magic sound that you didn't process Jesper pushing you up into some dark room and almost didn't feel the smooth hands pulling you in. Unwillingly, you fell down, but luckily sat on something soft. You noticed Jesper sitting down next to you and in a moment you were on the move. Oh, carriage, you thought. You adjusted your eyes and looked at the person in front of you, noticing the familiar long straight hair. You smiled and mumbled: "Hi, Inej.". She smiled a little at your drunken face, but was quickly filled with concern. "Whose great idea this was? I swear only you two could get this wasted." she sighed and her hands reached under her, pulling out two bottles.

"Thank you." said proudly Jesper and Inej rolled her eyes. Excitment filled you upon seeing her hands streching to you with the bottle grasped between. You accepted it and brought it to your lips, thinking of the bittersweet taste you drank at the bar, but it was dissapointing when your mouth tasted the cold blunt liquid. Water. You closed the bottle, setting it next to you and said to Inej: "You wouldn't be mad if you were with us. That's on you."

"You should be thankful that I'm even here at this hour." she toughened her voice, but didn't raise it. She knew it was enough to woke up some sense in you. When you two were silent, she continued: "So? Which one of you idiots had this idea?". Jesper didn't speak, however his eyes did when they shot at you. A few hours ago, you met him outside on his regular night door-watching and convinced him- very easily- to grab a drink with you. You needed a distraction in the chaos surrounding you. After a while of trying to shake their gaze off you, you sighed in defeat. "Fine," you exclaimed, "it was me. I just needed to clear my head, and hang out with Jesper, it's been far too long." you crossed your arms and winked at the boy beside you, but a scoff from Inej made you look at her. "Please, we see each other all the time, even Wylan is getting sick of him." she spoke truly, watching Jesper getting offended, but redirected her eyes on you.

She knew of your situation, how could she not when she's almost invisible and nosy. You and Kaz were far over inconspicuous looks and light touches, but boldly flirting at any moment. It wasn't Jesper's style of flirting, but just fearless remarks or answers that made you blush and fastened your heart. It also threw you into overthinking and uncernity of your bond with him. Sometimes it made you think the flirting covers more serious feelings, but often it sang with a friendly banter. It drove you crazy, took many hours of your sleep, and you knew it wouldn't matter if your stupid heart didn't fall for him. When you witnessed Wylan and Jesper's cat fight, you thought it was obvious for both of them that they like each other and they just were afraid to make the first move- even though that didn't go as planned, according to Jesper- or just enjoyed their wordplay. Now you weren't so sure, but you refused to ask the sharpshooter. He would only make fun of you or wouldn't take it seriously. "You seriously fell for him? This must be a dream" you already heard him say and his laugh caused goosebumps on your skin.

"I'm fine." you told her slowly, trying to convince her of your lie and subconciously wrapped your coat over you. Before visiting Jesper, Kaz stopped you in the hallways and was interested in your way outside. "I just thought of getting a drink with Jes." you said and quickly added "or anyone that would like to join." after realizing the Zemeni boy is supposed to be working. He didn't seem fazed by your answer though, probably used to Jesper disobeying orders, and just nodded in understandment. You weren't in the mood to talk to him, the redness in your eyes caused by your regular overthinking was still visible and you wished he would fail to take notice, so you smiled at him and continued your way down, then he stopped you with your biggest weakness.

Him saying your name.

You turned to look at him and noticed his reached out hand holding a coat. You realized you forgot yours in the bedroom when you went to complete the idea of getting drunk. You took it carefully, as though it was a bomb sensitive to touch. You put it on and thanked him shortly, trying to get down the stairs with your shaky legs.

No, you weren't fine.

Inej seemed dissatisfied with your answer, but didn't push. You smelled the scent again, the same thing that made you ordering shots. The smell of leather, gunpowder and his perfume. If the world ever ran out of oxygen, you were sure this would keep your heartbeat going. You wanted this scent to cover you, to soak in your skin and to flow side by side with your blood. Maybe that was the alcohol, but you needed this to happen, right away if possible.

A plan started to form in your mind as the carriage came to a stop and Inej helped you out. She grabbed your hand and placed it over her as she placed her other hand over your hip on the stomach, making her way into the Slat. Jesper walked along, he wasn't as wasted as you and capable of getting in his bed. Once inside, you wished goodnight to him quietly, wondering why Inej beside you flinched and every person still up looked at you weirdly.

When you were upstairs, you stopped Inej before Kaz's door. She looked at you and then in the direction you stared intesively in. "This isn't your room." she explained and tried to continue walking, but you stayed glued on the floor. "I need to do this." you mumbled and looked at her as if she knew what you were talking about.

She sighed: "Can't you do it tommorow? Sober?". You just shook your head. Tommorow you would be fully aware of everything and probably would talk yourself out of it, while right now, you wouldn't feel the consequences fully and could say what you truly feel. Inej stood silent for a moment, thinking whether she should let you fuck up or violently get you to bed. Joy filled you when she just sighed loudly and whispered "whatever" to herself. You waved her and she returned that action in a form of shaking her head and a frown. You took a deep breath and brougth your fist up.

After knocking and regaining balance because of the knocking, the door gradually let you see inside. Soon you were looking at the face of the man you cried for, all confused. "What are you doing here?" he said, but didn't stop you when you pushed passed him to get inside. You needed to cover your tears that already, without saying a single word, treatened to show. You wondered if you could do this. "Are you hurt?" he asked, obviously concerned. He's right to assume this, not every day someone knocks late at night, eager to get in.

"Yes." you admitted and turned to him. He noticed your tired eyes and a fazed out expression. "You're drunk." he observed, his tone did not sound angry or dissapointed, you could only hear the concern he was filled with and that was slowly tearing your heart apart.

"That's irrelevant" you waved your hand, blowing the fact away, so it wouldn't get in your way when talking. He leaned back on his table, supporting himself with his hands and streched out his bad leg: "Of course it is.". You hated this position, it made your knees weak. "What's important is who hurt you." he explained again. You giggled silently, shaking your head, and looked down. His protective trait was one of your favorites. It either made you feel loved or mocked, but right now you felt none of those options. After a moment you looked up.

"Guess."

Kaz sighed: "Y/N, I won't play some stupid game when you're in pain." His annoyance could be heard in the Crow Club and yours could be more visible than your drunkeness. "I'm fine!" you said harshly immidiately after him, "Now guess.". He sighed again after your repetetive plea. He studied you for some time, giving in on your request. "Come on, it's not that hard." you cheered him on, "I supposed someone like you would get it easily.". He can improvise based on little clues about a person, guess and threaten them with their secret he only assumed they had, yet he cannot see his own damage.

You growled impatiently. "Forget it, of course you wouldn't know, you don't even know what you want!" you yelled and started to walk around, surprisingly stable. What you said though wasn't true. You knew what you wanted and still didn't do anything to get it. You were both at fault for your pain and cries, it wasn't fair pinning it on him. Kaz calmly watched you go a few rounds around his room and waited 'till you slow down. "Go to sleep." he said when you finally stopped due to tears announcing their arrival. "No." you whispered, not knowing if it's to him or to your watery eyes. He still spoke: "You're wasted."

"Yet I'm still aware of my feelings! Whiskey didn't help, unfortunetly!"

Concern filled his eyes again upon seeing the tears drowning your eyes. His back straightened, but he didn't step closer to you. You laughed and allowed yourself to cry. Hands wrapped you tightly into Kaz's coat. "I love you, you prat!"

A thing about you when you're drunk is that sometimes, you say things you only think about, without even realizing it. The two of you were taken aback at the same time. Your eyes widened, making eye contact, both of you couldn't believe what you just heard. You were the first to react and laughed, bending forward and back. You looked at him again, a small smile on your face while your gaze took in every detail.

"If this ain't the worst thing you've ever heard." you said. Exhaustion creeped up on you, you knew that sooner or later you will fall asleep, no matter where you are. Kaz was looking down, his expression unreadable. You blinked slowly for a moment, trying to fight the fatigue. It was harder than closing them, but you managed to open your eyes and glanced back at the man, also looking like he fell asleep on the spot. You watched him, mouth opening to say something, when you spotted it.

A smile.

No, a grin. A wide, evil grin appeared on the cold, numb face. Fear suddenly rushed into you. You saw Kaz smile just once and it was before he violently murdered someone. Not a good sign, you thought. Any courage of saying words was gone, you just waited what he will do next. It was like watching a deadly animal, just standing in front of you while you tried not to disturb it. You almost flinched when he looked up, his grin smaller than before yet still shameless. You held your breath, afraid to trigger something invisible in the air, and waited for his voice to reach your ears.

"You should go to sleep."

There it was, the goal of your plan, the dream of your longest nights. You exhaled, surprised but relieved. Eyes found his and you could read him like an open book, finding the mutual feeling you longed for a long time. You smiled and nodded at his words, but when adrenaline left you, the exhaustion filled you completely. You fell back onto his bed, unaware it was there in the first place. He walked over to you, so close you could see the real details on the cane, and gently lifted up your head by the chin. Your eyes were closing, all of your power tried to keep them open. You decided it was time to stop Kaz from studying your dozed off face.

"Can I sleep here?" you weren't sure if you would made it back to your room now, so without waiting for the answer, you laid back and closed your eyes. You heard Kaz walking and a chair shifting. His scent was all around you, sinking into your skin, hopefully flowing in your veins by now. You grabbed the coat and squeezed it onto yourself tightly. Kaz's wide grin was the last thing on your mind before falling asleep.

‎

He looks up grinning like the devil.

[jahayla-parker]

Symmetrical Healing: Kaz Brekker × Sister!Reader

Part 6

Description and Warnings: view miniseries navigation Previous Parts Here

Recap: “Kaz?” Y/n questioned quietly.

Kaz looked over at y/n and pursed his lips slightly. “Hmm?”

“You don’t need to feel selfish for being glad I did the treatment,” y/n expressed warmly. “I don’t regret it,” she admitted as she softly shook her head, “it let me be here with you”. Y/n held silent eye contact with Kaz as he analyzed her words and acted as a human lie detector.

Not seeing any tells, Kaz nodded in acceptance. He gave y/n a small but sincere smile.

“I’ll try to find a way to work on my nightmares so I don’t keep hearing him-“ y/n expressed, thinking ahead.

Kaz sighed loudly. He looked down and fiddled with his fingers bashfully. “I lied too,” Kaz confessed, his cheeks stained pink.

“What?” Y/n questioned, shifting her gaze away from the dried leaves around them. She turned to face Kaz, giving him her undivided attention.

“About my hallucination,” Kaz mumbled. He didn’t want to talk about this per se. But, he also saw what not talking about his own struggles had done to y/n thus far.

Y/n paused silently for a moment a she collected her thoughts. Having found the best way to ask her question, she softly replied, “you had one?”

Kaz nodded wordlessly. However, upon seeing y/n was patiently waiting for him to sort through his thoughts enough to explain, he sucked in some of the crisp autumn air. “It was hi-,” Kaz’s voice cracked lightly as he stopped to correct himself, “J-Jordie.” He knew saying their late brother’s name felt more normal for y/n, so he would do so, even if harder for him.

Y/n remained silent. She simply nodded faintly as she offered Kaz a look she knew would signal for him to continue when he was ready.

“He kept… kept drowning me…” Kaz admitted, shivering at the memory. “He screamed at me… about how horrible I am, how bad of a brother-,” he mumbled.

“Kaz-“ y/n sighed, her lips pulled into a deep frown.

Kaz shook his head. “I don’t need sympathy.” He shifted his tight jaw. “I’m just saying it so you know you’re not… alone in this,” Kaz explained.

“Well, too bad,” y/n huffed. She shot her brother a frustrated defiant stare.

“What-“ Kaz responded, brows furrowed.

Y/n shifted even more, centering her body towards Kaz at a sharper angle. “You’re getting sympathy, even if I have to shove it down your throat like those damn butterflies,” she threatened.

Kaz choked on a laugh. His eyes were wide in shock. But his smirk showed his amusement over y/n’s loving threat.

Y/n smiled warmly at her brother. “Kaz, I love you. Saints, you’re so unfairly hard on yourself when it comes to protecting me,” she informed Kaz. “I know you mean well, but, you don’t always have to do that. And, I don’t want you to if it means keeping things bottled up,” y/n added, knowing her brother enough to know he’d argue. “Especially not by keeping me from knowing what’s going on inside that brilliant mind of yours,” she commented, smiling at the way Kaz’s cheeks flushed over her compliment. “You’ve been through too much yourself, Kaz,” she said, her voice deeply sincere, “even if you don’t choose to look at it that way. I do.” Y/n sat up straight, puffing her chest out dramatically as she added, “and, you can’t fault me for that when you do the same thing when it comes to me. So deal with it”. Y/n lowered her puffed chest back to normal, a soft sigh leaving her lips as she did. “I’m going to want to know that’s troubling you. I’m going to want to help in whatever way I can, or at least be there to listen.” She looked around to make sure no one had ventured over here to check on the siblings. When she saw the coast was still clear, y/n continued explaining to Kaz what needed to happen. “We both need to find a way to heal. It won’t be easy. But, that’s how we both get through this; together,” she hummed. “You want to protect me? You can do that by not letting me question my sanity; by doing what you just did when you showed me that I’m not alone in this,” y/n answered her own question. “I hear you when you say you need me,” she acknowledged kindly. “But, Kaz, like it or not, I need you,” y/n concluded, tension deflating at finally getting it off her chest.

Kaz was silent as he processed y/n’s speech. Once he’d analyzed every word and y/n’s body language, he nodded slowly. This was new to him, but if he had y/n, he could do it. “Okay,” Kaz accepted.

“Okay?” Y/n asked in a semi-squeak. She was surprised that Kaz was so accepting of the request. As much as she loved her brother, she knew he was not typically very accommodating to people’s wishes.

Kaz nodded more adamantly this time. “I hear you.” He swallowed the bile in his throat from the idea of making a promise. But this was his sister, this was y/n; and he could do it for her. “I.. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect at it,” Kaz pointed out, “or even remotely decent”. He sighed loudly. “But, I… I can promise that I’ll try… that… I’ll learn,” Kaz assured y/n.

Y/n felt her eyes watering again. Only, this time it was for a very different reason. “For me?” She asked timidly.

“For you,” Kaz agreed. He nodded his head as he politely held eye contact with y/n.

Y/n smiled at Kaz for a moment in silence. She then closed her eyes as she felt her body relax. “Thank you, Kaz,” y/n hummed.

Kaz shook his head. “Thank you,” he said, resuming eye contact as y/n opened her eyes.

“So…,” y/n murmured softly. “H-how do we even start?” She asked. They had a lot of pain they needed to heal from. How did they go about this?

“Together,” Kaz said simply. “The way we always do.”

~The End~

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[fandomscompilation]

The story of two broken souls (Kaz Brekker x Reader) Part 5

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: eventual Kaz Brekker x Reader

Warnings: drunken men, mentions of gambling, reader likes long baths, Rotty being amazing, a glimpse into reader's past, use of 'bitch'

A/N: Next part! Thank you for the love you show to this series. It feels amazing to get positive feedback. The taglist for this series is open. There's also a prompt list on my page so feel free to send in requests. Enjoy!

Taglist: @d34drapunzel @coldheartedmar @igakc

Gif is not mine.

Morning came and I bid my goodbye to the old lady and promised to visit her from time to time. With just a small bag of my personal belongings I walked the streets to the Slat. Entering the building I noticed how calm it was compared to the Club. I saw few Dregs walking around and my eyes fell to Brekker who was watching me, while Jesper was talking his ear off. I walked to them making the boy falter in his story.

"Brekker." I said nodding my head at him. He nodded back before turning to Jesper.

"Give her one of the free rooms and show her The Club. You're on bar duty with her." He said before walking out of the building. The boy gaped at me for a second and I chuckled lightly.

"You'll catch a fly." I teased making him snap back. He smirked extending his hand.

"The name's Jesper."

"Y/N." I smiled allowing him to kiss the back of my hand.

"So.." He said giving me his elbow to link our arms. "How did you manage to get a job at the Club?"

"Wasn't that easy." I smiled going over the story Kaz and I prepared. "I used to work on neutral grounds, in different types of businesses. But there's only few left and Brekker finally caved in, when I showed my experience behind the bar and knowledge of leading a business." I shrugged acting my part of a normal young woman.

"Hmm, I'm glad you're here. We could use someone new." He gave me a soft smile before opening one of the doors upstairs. The room was small with a bed, a desk and chair, a dresser and separated by curtains small bath. "Not much but with time you can change things up."

"I don't mind." I smiled putting my bag on the bed.

"Alright. Do you need time or would you like to head to the bar and learn few things before the crowd shows up?" Jesper asked leaning on the doorway. I looked around the room again before walking his way.

"We can head out." I said and we both left to the Crow Club.

He was right, the crowd wasn't here yet. There were few people lazily drinking or playing, but not too overwhelming for a first day.

Jesper showed me the most important things, where we keep cash, where are dirty and clean glasses and the most used alcohol. Of course some gave tips but Brekker kept a careful eye on that. I served few drinks under Jesper's eye until he decided that I was fine on my own. He left to one of the tables, while I only shook my head getting back to work. Working at a bar for two years came in handy and I had help from the second bartender.

During Jesper's fun I met Rotty, who was happy to point out certain clients to me. The bar was full of men so he made sure that I knew who to avoid. But Rotty also promised that they looked after every worker, so there was no need to be scared. Oh, how little does he know.

"Hey beautiful." I turned my head to the guy that have been drinking since I came in. His flirty comments and amount of alcohol he drank made me keep an eye on him. "Another one please." I walked up to him and took his pint.

"Payment first sir." I said the same thing to every client today. But the whole day here and I was ready to give them free raign of the bar.

"You think I can't pay?" He slurred leaning further on the bar.

"Those are the rules sir. You pay and I give you a drink. No exception." I sighted glancing to Rotty, who slowly started to make his way over.

"Listen here you little bitch. Give me my beer before it gets nasty." He all but snarled in my face and I took a deep breath in to not smash his head on the counter.

"Are there any problems?" Rotty said standing beside the man. He glared his way before standing up, unsteady on his feet.

"Yeah, the bitch doesn't want to give me my beer." The drunken man was getting angrier with each second and I hoped that he won't cause too much trouble on my first day.

"Did you pay?" Rotty asked and the man huffed trying to swing, but Rotty was faster in getting his arm and bringing him to his knees. "I believe you had enough beers tonight." He grabbed the drunk and led him away giving me a small nod. I smiled back before going back to other customers.

I could feel Brekker's gaze on me when it all happened. But I stopped myself from looking over. Dirtyhands and Blade could be seen together. But Kaz Brekker and me were simply working in the same place, I was working for him. I couldn't ruin this plan if I wanted to keep my true identity hidden.

"Hey Y/N." I turned to see Jesper who threw his arm over my shoulders. "You're off duty. Let's head back to the Slat, Inej wants to meet you." I nodded cleaning the glass in my hand.

"Did Brekker allow it or did you made the decision by yourself?" I smirked glancing to the boy who acted offended.

"How can you say that? I would never go against him." He placed a hand on his heart before breaking out with chuckles. I looked up to the balcony where Kaz was standing. He met my gaze and nodded making me relax.

"Alright then." I put everything away and say my goodbye to the other bartender. "So Inej?"

"Yeah, I told her that we had a new girl. She's happy to have 'another woman around'." Jesper quoted leading me outside and across to the Slat.

"I'm sure she had enough of the toxic testosterone." I laughed making him roll his eyes. It was easy to talk with Jesper. He didn't take life too seriously, but I could tell that when someone becomes his friend they can count on the boy in every situation.

We walked into the Slat and it was bustling with life this late into the evening. Jesper led me to the corner table where the Shu girl was observing the room quietly.

"You must be Y/N." She smiled standing up and I smiled back.

"And you must be Inej." I extended my hand but she brought me in a quick hug. I chuckled patting her back softly.

"I hope you'll stick around for a long time." She said while we sat down.

"I hope so too." I sighted letting my legs relax after a long day standing behind the bar.

We indulge in a light conversation about the Club and Dregs. They told me how everything works and I nodded along absorbing everything. I kept acting like a curious girl that was new to the gang life, after all I promised Brekker that his Crows won't know about the Blade.

They both seemed to welcome me with open arms giving me a sense of belonging. It was a dangerous game, but I was an expert in cutting off people when the time came. No matter the calm I felt around them I knew this won't be my forever.

When the night came I bid them goodnight and headed upstairs. The room was small, but I was used to much worse conditions. Even though I wanted to go and sleep off my first day I made myself take a bath.

My body was submerged fully in water. I was holding my breath and letting the water wash away the tension. I sat up when my lungs started to hurt. Leaning back on the bath I took a deep breath. The water was lukewarm, but I liked to sit in the tub until it was ice cold. I let myself relax closing my eyes and focusing on the tension leaving my sore muscles.

I looked around the field lighted by the rising sun. The grass was covered with the morning dew and I could hear birds chirping in the nearby forest. The surroundings gave off a calming vibe, but I was tense seemingly waiting. And I wasn't wrong, because soon I heard footsteps behind me.

"You made me wait." His velvety voice reached my ears and I could feel the warmth from his body on my back.

"I ran." My voice was void of emotions and I knew it would drive him mad.

"And I promised we'll meet again." I could tell he was growing annoyed with me, quickly. He was never a patient man, but oh how many times did I cross the line.

"How did you reach me?" I asked glancing over my shoulder. He was only centimetres from me, his eyes focused only on me.

"Even you get tired of running, my little eclipse." His hand ran over my arm delicately. I suppressed the shiver, I couldn't tell if it was from disgust or want.

"You won't find me. I'll ran as long and as far I can. I promised you that. And I will keep true to my word." I growled in anger. I was angry at him for still looking, for playing with my mind and heart. I was mad at myself for caring, believing and still being weak.

I turned around sharply and looked into his eyes. He was handsome, but sometimes the most beautiful creatures are the most dangerous ones.

"You will be by my side once again. You'll come to me, soon."

I gasped waking up. The water turned cold. I took few deep breaths to calm my racing heart. This was not good. Something was changing and I could tell it will be my downfall.

[bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue]

SIX OF CROWS DOLLS!

So, at the beginning of July, my mom and I were shopping at a local used bookstore when we found an adorable little Nikolai Lantsov plushie (originally from this Illumicrate box), and I immediately fell in love. I furiously Googled to see if any other Grishaverse plushies existed and was disappointed to see they didn’t—so we decided to take matters into our own hands.…

Almost two months, several late nights, and many trips to craft stores, Dollar Tree, and Wal-Mart later, all six of them are done!!! My mom, a fellow Six of Crows fan and a ridiculously talented crafter, worked really hard on them, adding little details to make each of them true to their canon counterparts. She made them all from scratch, not using any pre-existing patterns or tutorials—she'd never made dolls before and sort of figured out the process as she went.

The dolls themselves fall somewhere between figurines and plushies—they have weighted boots so they can stand on their own, but they're made from soft material (felt, chenille yarn, velvet, etc.) that makes them perfect to snuggle, cuddle, and hug, which I've done in spades. I’m so happy to have these one-of-a-kind dolls, made with love, to call my very own. 💖

Photos of each individual doll and couple are under the cut! If you guys are interested, I’ll also make individual making-of posts for each doll, with photos of each of them in progress—let me know in the notes if that's something you'd like to see!

First we have the Bastard of the Barrel himself, Kaz Brekker! He sports a snazzy tailored suit and tie (made from a ribbon), with some rakish locks of chenille yarn hair falling over his eyes from underneath his impeccably-groomed velvet ‘do. His gloves are black duct tape over his hands, and they even have five individually cut-out fingers! (He does not yet have a cane; we’re working on that. The man needs his mobility aids!)

We decided early on that we wanted all the plushies to smile—I wouldn't really want them to scowl at me while I snuggled and hugged them. I imagine Kaz has some serious schemes being brewed up in that soft little head of his, though...

Next we have Inej Ghafa, the Wraith! She was actually the first doll we made (and was originally much shorter than Kaz and Jesper; her legs became longer when we duct-taped them for stability!). The top of her hair is black felt; the braid is jumbo strands of chenille yarn, braided together. Her cowl (purple felt, held in place by a matching purple pipe cleaner) provides the perfect cover for spying on dark Ketterdam streets, and her boots have beautiful silver trim—well-suited for hiding a knife. Her top has some similar trim, though it's hard to see in these pictures, with a subtle dash of magenta tulle to make her extra glam.

Kanej together—Ketterdam’s ultimate power couple 💖 I love that their height difference was maintained; this was sort of accidental when we made the dolls, but it ended up being a really nice canon detail!

As a licensed Toy Therapist (a profession I made up—I'm sure half a bachelor's degree in English and psychology is enough for me to qualify for licensure; after all, I AM the licensure board!), I have, through many intense sessions, successfully cured Kaz and Inej of their touch aversion—so they have both been the recipient of many, many snuggles and hugs from me. At one point, my mom told me, "You've probably given these Crow plushies more hugs in the past week than the characters have had in their entire lives"—which almost reduced me to tears. One thing I love about these dolls is that if I'm ever rereading the books and thinking, "[insert character here] needs a HUG," I can just reach over and give them one!

Now, here’s Matthias Helvar! His luscious golden locks are made of individual strands of chenille yarn (pulled back into a queue), and his scarf is hand-knitted. Also note the boots, with thick soles and “fur” lining to withstand the toughest Fjerdan winters. In the second picture, you can sort of see some blue “fur” around his collar—this was actually made from a blue glove, with fuzzy lining, that was part of a Cinderella costume for Halloween that I had when I was 6!

Mom and I imagine this is Matthias post-series, after having gotten into a relationship with Nina and overcoming his Wizard Racism, so instead of a serious, brooding expression, he has more of a happy smile. (Because as we all know, nothing bad ever happens to him, ever.)

Nina Zenik, Heartrender extraordinaire! Here we see her in her lovely red kefta with gold trim (the same gold trim used for Matthias' suit—fun fact: it was also part of an old Halloween costume, specifically Belle when I was 5) and some lovely golden boots with flowered trim—maybe the ones she was flirting with in a shop window? Fun fact: she originally had some green staining on her face from a mishap when we tried to use a marker to make her eyes look more green—but then Mom took a darker marker and turned it into eyeshadow. And now this doll has better makeup than me.

Helnik! They look very happy together, if you ask me. Matthias' right arm permanently sticks out at an angle, as you can see—a consequence of the duct-taping we did to his body for stability (it also makes him feel very solid and buff when I hug him, which is nicely in-character). This either means he's constantly reaching out his arm around Nina's back (awww) or he's constantly sticking out his arm to hitchhike and get himself far, far away from all the crazy people in Ketterdam.

Jesper Fahey, decked out in all the Barrel flash! He's rocking the green and gold look with a plaid jacket, tailored pants, and a tulle ascot. His hair is jumbo chenille yarn and it's SO ridiculously soft, oh my god, I cannot even properly convey to you guys how good it feels to nuzzle my cheek against his soft little head. His shoes have tiny laces, and it's hard to see here but his belt buckle has a tiny "F" for Fahey. 🎵 'Cause every girl (and boy)'s crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man! 🎶

And finally...Wylan van Eck! This was the last doll we made (we finished him in the wee hours of this morning), and Mom seriously went above and beyond with him. His hair is red chenille yarn—it turned out to actually be the least curly/kinky of all the yarn we used, but Mom sewed it in specially to make sure it curled on his head. He carries a little messenger bag made of duct tape; inside is some rolled-up sheet music and plans for explosives, tied together with twine that you can see sticking out from inside the bag. (It also has a sticker with the initial W for Wylan—just like the sticker with Jesper's initial on his belt!) And in the second picture, you can see that he has tiny safety goggles! They're made out of duct tape and the plastic packaging of some bobbins for the sewing machine.

A funny quirk: because Nina, Matthias, and Wylan were made after the first three with a different and more standardized body mold, Wylan ended up being the biggest of the three...by a lot. He's a lot bigger than his boyfriend, that's for sure! You can see this height disparity in the first pic. My theory is that one of his chemical experiments went wrong and ended up acting as some sort of growth serum for him. Mom's theory is that he was jealous of being so much shorter than his boyfriend, so he asked Nina to Tailor his height, but Nina got distracted during the process and accidentally made Wylan a LOT taller than he was supposed to be and now can't figure out how to change him back.

Or I can just pose them in photos so that Jesper is standing on a box or something—like in the second pic—so he looks just as tall as he's supposed to be.

And finally, here's a picture of all six of them with the Nikolai plushie that started it all! He looks happy to have so many new friends.

And that's it! I love these guys so much and can't stop looking at them, cuddling them, and kissing them on their soft little foreheads. I'm so happy to have embarked on this project with my mom over the summer—we learned a lot, bonded over crafting and our love of the Grishaverse, and had a lot of fun! Let me know in the notes if you'd like me to post individual making-of posts for each doll—with behind-the-scenes pictures and explanations of how some of the features of each doll were made! NMNF 🐦

[cryptidswitch]

Get To Know Me Tag!

LI was tagged on my old blog by the ever gracious @salemssimblr​

So now I’ll answer it here :P

Show your wallpaper and the last song you listened to

Currently I have a wallpaper from Wallpaper Engine (so the rain and the leaves move!) which is the Mystery Shack from Gravity Falls! This is the night version and then there is a sunny version for the day time it automatically switches to!

The last song I listened to was Anything You Want by JAWNY!

Currently reading?

Right now I’m about to hop back into listening to Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir! My boyfriend read through Gideon and I told him when he started listening to Harrow I’d go back and listen to the rest of it so we could talk about it.

Last movie?

Ponyo! Watched it with the kiddo (not that she paid any attention to it haha)

Last show?

Guys Grocery Games! We finally got access to Food Network on streaming again (thank you MAX) and my mom, Matt, and I binged like half a season today lmao

Craving?

Currently craving these microwaveable shepherd’s pies things that I’m not even sure if they make anymore but the brand was called Crikey’s lmao. I know that’s weirdly specific but cut me some slack, it’s shark week

What are you wearing right now?

Ohhh, are you so curious ask game? ~eyebrow waggle~ God I need to go to bed lol. Currently in a pair of super soft grey jogger pj pants and an olive green crop top cami

How tall are you?

For the longest time I measured in at like 5′4″ and some change but that’s because they always told me to put my back against the wall and I couldn’t do that and stand straight apparently so I’m actually 5′6″ and some change!

Piercings?

Just two lobe ear piercings!

Tattoos?

Currently none, I’ve got several I want but the money and time never seem to line up x.x

Glasses or Contacts?

I have glasses that I need to wear more! I don’t think I’ll ever do contacts tbh

Last thing you ate?

Right now I’m eating Skittles :P

Favorite Color?

Emerald green, any shade of purples, and black!

Current Obsession?

So, I’m an absolute slut for stationary and back to school/college season is coming up and I’m practically frothing at the mouth for all the new stationary coming out! Otherwise I’ve been really into stuff from the Edwardian era lately!

Any Pets?

I’ve got two cats that hate each other lol. One is a one eyed, black and white, manx cat named Ciel (after the anime character) and Smudge who is a teeny tiny tortoiseshell cat

Favorite fictional character?

This is such an evil question lmao. I have fallen deeply in love with Gideon and Harrow from the Ninth House series. Jude Duarte from The Folk of the Air series made me obsessed with the name Jude and I just adore her. Charlie from The Book of Night is a complete and total badass! Kaz Brekker and Inej from Six of Crows, Delilah Greene from Delilah Greene Doesn’t Care, Booker and Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite, Iron Bull and Blackwall and Cullen and Josephine from Dragon Age Inquisition, Arthur and John from Malevolent, Jon and Martin and Bashira from The Magnus Archives, Caduceus Clay from Critical Role campaign 2, and many MANY more! I can’t pick favorites lol

Last place you traveled?

Last place we went to beyond our usual haunts was the mall down in Cincinnati to attempt to go to the Squishables store for Mother’s Day (it hadn’t actually opened yet in spite of what google said)

I will tag anyone who would like to do this!

[ellesliterarycorner]

Writing Morally Grey Characters

Spoiler Alert for ASOIAF, Six of Crows, and A Court of Thorns and Roses: 

Well written morally grey characters are some of my favorite characters to read and write. Seeing them walk that fine line between good and evil, the smallest hint of a tragic backstory, and seeing the loyal friends and lovers who keep them from going full blown dark side. They’re also some of the hardest characters to write because of that fine line. Too far to the good side and they aren’t actually a morally grey character. Too far to the evil side and you get a problematic character dressed up as the hero *cough* Rhysand *cough*. But, today we are making sure that we don’t do that, so here are some tips that I like to keep in mind when I write morally grey characters. 

One Bad Thing = Three Good Things

This is one rule of thumb that I like to keep in mind. You don’t actually have to make them do three good things for one bad thing, but generally for every bad thing your character does, they need to do a better thing. Here comes the spoiler for A Song of Ice and Fire: in A Game of Thrones, Jaime Lannister throws a kid out of a window. Now, we all know that that is a very bad thing, but pretty much for the rest of the books in the series, we slowly start to understand Jaime, and he does good, admirable things to make up for all of the bad that he’s committed. We obviously don’t forgive him for yeeting a child out of a window, we slowly start to like him and understand a little of what brought him to that point. Thuy, moving him from terrible bad guy to a morally grey character we can root for. It’s almost like the character needs to balance out their karma, but karma is the reader’s opinion of them. 

Are You Actually Morally Grey or Just a Shady Person?

There is a big big difference between a character who is actually morally grey and a character who the author says is morally grey. People may think it’s not a big difference, but imho, it is. My favorite examples are the differences between Kaz Brekker and Rhysand. Some people think these two are comparable, but they just aren’t. Kaz is actually morally grey. He has his little murderous tendencies and occasionally says or does things that might make him unlikeable, but then we see him rescue Inej without any real payoff or really any scene the two of them share, and we see the good inside him. People love Kaz because even though he can be ruthless, he never goes too far, and we constantly see the soft, likable side of them. Then we come to Rhysand... Before SJM pulled a 180-switcheroo on Rhysand, for most of the first ACOTAR book, he was a pretty good morally grey character. I couldn’t tell where his head was at, he was scary, and while everyone else was playing checkers, Rhysand was most certainly playing chess. Then, we come to the faerie wine roofieing scene where Rhysand commits an unforgivable, s*xual assault. All of that goes right out the window. Rhysand says he did all of that to protect Feyre, but common sense tells us that is not the case. The author tells us Rhysand is morally grey, but his actions and the textual evidence in the book do nothing to support that fact. Which is why Kaz is actually morally grey, and Rhysand is just a shady person.

Peel the Onion

Think of your morally grey character as a little onion. When you cook an onion, you need to peel it back and reveal all of the layers underneath. The character development for morally grey characters (and all characters really) is the same. Characters bend when you put them under pressure and show a side that people don’t normally see. Show your reader what happens to your character when they are: 

Angry 

Vulnerable

Forced to make a hard decision 

Forced to partner with the bad guys 

Protecting someone they love 

Proven wrong about something 

Fail at a task or lose a battle/competition/etc. 

In which of these situations does your character’s morally grey side take over their actions, and in which do they reveal their softer side?

They Need a Friend

Or a love interest, or a dog, or even a parent really, whatever floats your boat, the storyline, and the personality of the character. The point is all characters especially your morally grey characters need someone they trust and love. Like I said earlier, a huge part of Kaz’s story is him showing hsi softer side with Inej and becoming a better person due to his love of her. She brings out his softer side which helps make him a more likable character. This person could also be someone they meet for the first time and grow to trust or love over the course of the story. Your morally grey character should interact with this person in a different way then they do with the other characters in the story. They should be the first hint that the character can be redeemed and show the character acting in a way beyond their usual morally grey actions. 

Looking in the Opposite Mirror

One of my most popular personal opinions is that all main characters need characters who have opposite trails from them. This isn’t a new idea, and these characters are called Foils. A lot of time they’re put in the story to show what the main character could have been given different circumstances or cast doubt on a character who believes they should be more. Especially for morally grey characters, it’s great to have a character who acts as a foil and contrasts specifically with a certain morally grey trait or aspect your character has. This foil can highlight the negative attributes of the morally grey’s characters particular trait or show the positive light that the morally grey character needs to work to. This Foil could be the villain of the story, but they don’t have to be because their presence in and of itself provides conflict for your character wether that be internal or external. 

To Each Their Own 

I mentioned this when I discussed problematic characters, but my main gripe with both problematic and morally grey characters (because no they are not always the same thing. see Kaz and Rhysand example) is that a lot of authors, especially in YA, don’t trust the reader to form their own opinion about the characters, so they feel the need to retcon or sugarcoat their actions. Not everyone will like your morally grey character, or any of your characters for that matter. The best part, imo, of morally grey characters is debating and discussing the nuances of their personalities and wether or not they really are morally grey. Don’t just tell your readers that a character is morally grey. Show them that character walking the line between good and evil, making the hard choices or even the wrong choices. Let the reader form their own opinion because if you do everything else right and make a complex and intriguing character, readers will be interested in them!

[multistoty]

The moon is a loyal companion.It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human.Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.But there’s something about the darkness, the stillness of this hour that creates a language of its own. There’s a strange kind of freedom in the dark; a terrifying vulnerability we allow ourselves at exactly the wrong moment, tricked by the darkness into thinking it will keep our secrets. We forget that the blackness is not a blanket; we forget that the sun will soon rise. But in the moment, at least, we feel brave enough to say things we’d never say in the light.Words are like seeds  planted into your heart at a tender age. They take root in you as you grow, settling deep into your souls. The good words plant well. They flourish and find homes in your heart. They build trunks around your spines, steadying you when you’re feeling most flimsy; planting your feet firmly when you’re feeling most unsure. But the bad words grow poorly. Your trunks infest and spoil until you are hollow and housing the interests of others and not our own.

They’d kept themselves from the graves or being taken away in manacles. The bells were peeling the time in the slat. Inej having settled far enough away from the bastard of the barrel as to not touch him. Her death like silence not failing. It was a bit of a stake out this evening. Kaz had never said so allowed , but she noticed that some of these people they were disrupting and stealing revenue from were themselves slavers. This one she knew all to well though they needed him alive for now. And kaz cared enough to most likely commit homicide or-she wasn’t sure that broken girl with lynx spots on her face could be brought back. It was a rare occurrence that she had scrounged up enough coins for a meager rope of black licorice off one of the vendors . It was dirty hand’s favorite though she wasn’t sure if he knew how much she secretly hated it. It was force of habit on nights like these. Gently, tanned fingers reached to offer said coil of sugar to him. That face of his spoke of the need to wait for whatever plan made its way through his head. Her own coat pulled closer in the soft kiss of cold air. “Sometimes, I wish I could follow whatever ghastly daydreams go on in that head of yours, brekker.” she teased . It had struck her that their more garishly colored friend had not been asked upon this mission. She nodded to the building leaning in front of them. “Besides, the mark, of course. One might think you were worried.”

@soapyyrps​

[make-me-imagine]

HI HI!!! that’s so exciting you hit 8k! I started following you just before the 7.5k marker and that wasn’t even that long ago!

anyway i’m super excited you always do the best ships, I was wondering if I could get two drabbles with the jealous prompt? one for Shadow and Bone and one for Star Trek (AOS or ENT)? I have no gender preference

a little about me i’m in uni (and like a week behind) I major in Physics and minor in Astronomy, I love engineering and building trinkets and things. I like to image in the grisha verse i’d be a Fabricator inventor either in ketterdam or the little palace. and in star trek i’d be a Science Officer boldly going and all that good stuff. if i’m not in class i’m at my job (a dog training facility) and if i’m not there i’m at a my other job (teaching ballet for ages 3-13) so i’m pretty much never home except to sleep. when I don’t have something to do i get bored quick so i like to keep moving but I love what I do. I’m pretty introverted and I typically don’t talk to people my own age if I can help it. I tend to lose track of time and will actually work on something i’m interested in all night if no one’s there to stop me. i’m also apparently super oblivious to flirts or advance’s cause I think people are just being nice and apparently my being nice back looks like flirting back. and that’s how I ended up dating someone for two weeks without even knowing. I like collecting skills like lock picking or wood working or osteoarchaeology or sewing, just the most random things. I love to read and if I can’t actually hold a book i’ll listen to audio books. i’ve also started mapping stars and making my own planetarium project.

I can’t think of anything else so if you need anything else just let me know! :)

Thank you!~

Also: "and that’s how I ended up dating someone for two weeks without even knowing." WHAT?? lmao that sounds like a moment write out of a fic to me lol

I hope you like them :)

Ships and Drabbles are under the cut~

Shadow and Bone:

I ship you with Inej.

I think Inej would be in awe of your fabricator abilities, and your usefulness and talent outside of being a Grisha. She gets along well with more introverted people, so I think she would be super comfortable and feel safe around you.

Runner Up: Kaz Brekker

'Jealous'

Inej felt a hot burning in her chest as she watched you flirt with the Grisha. She continued to tell herself it was for the job, it wasn't real, you didn't mean it.

She trusted you, but the Grisha that kept moving closer and closer to you with every word? She did not trust.

"Careful Inej" Jesper's voice appeared beside her, making her jump "That jealousy is showing on your face. I'm afraid you might turn green."

"Shut up Jesper." She whispered quickly, her eyes never leaving you.

After a few more painstaking moments, she let out a soft breath as you stepped away from the Grisha after he handed you a slip of paper. She felt the heaviness in her chest start to lift.

Once you reached her, you handed the paper to Jesper who quickly left. Sitting down i the seat beside Inej, you let out a sigh "I'm glad that's over."

Sliding a bit closer so your shoulders were brushing, she slipped her hand into yours underneath the table "That makes two of us."

"How badly did he flirt with you?" She asked after a moment.

"Horribly. I couldn't even understand half the innuendos he was making." You scoffed.

Inej cringed a bit as she glanced back at the man, seeing him looking over at you. She took in a deep breath. "i think we should go before he decides to come talk to you again."

As you looked back over your shoulder, you saw him wink at you and you looked away. "Good idea."

Inej slapped down some money for her and Jesper's drinks before she grasped your hand and led you out of the bar.

As you saw the way she looked back at the man, you smiled softly before teasing lowly "Were you jealous?"

She let out a sot 'Tch' Sound and refused to respond, but you saw a subtle smile cross her face, telling you the answer.

--------------------

Star Trek ENT:

I ship you with Trip Tucker!

Trip is pretty extroverted, but he is attracted to more introverted types. He loves the sides of you that others don't often get to see. He would also think it was adorable how oblivious you are to flirting, until it was him flirting with you. You'd have a moment of "Are you flirting with me?" "Have been for a month now, thanks for noticing" lmao

Runner Up: Uhura from AOS

'Jealous'

Trip glanced at you a few times as you got ready to leave for your shift. He cleared his throat lightly, "So I saw you hanging out with that new engineer, what's his name, uh- Tyler?"

You looked over at Trip, noting the odd tone in his voice "Toby? Yeah, he's pretty nice."

"Yeah...he seems like a ray of sunshine."

You blinked a couple times before you turned fully towards him "Certainly sounds like you agree" You said with a sarcastic laugh.

Trip smiled softly "No, no, sorry, yeah I'm sure he's cool, he just...seemed to be flirting with you."

"Did he?" You asked, frowning.

"Yeah, of course I knew you wouldn't notice, but I did. He seemed pretty intent on getting you to notice him."

You took a small step closer to him "So you're saying you're jealous?"

He smiled but shook his head "No." He said with an obvious lie "I just don't know him, or trust him to back off."

"Well if it helps, he does know we're dating."

"Did he know that before or after the flirting?"

"When was he flirting?!" You asked bewildered.

"In the cafeteria when you were getting lunch! I went by with Malcolm and I saw you two in there, he was obviously flirting."

You rolled your eyes softly and shook your head. "I think you think anyone who talks to me is flirting at this point."

"Oh trust me, I can tell from a mile away when someone is flirting."

You let out a soft laugh "Yeah sure. But if you must know, it was after that, that I told him we were dating."

Trip nodded his head "How did I come up, did he ask you to hang out or something?"

"No, he did not. We were talking about the movie night and I saw me and my boyfriend were going."

"So he was leading you into asking you out!" He said in an 'AHA' manner.

You let out a sigh "Okay, whatever, but he knows now alright?" You let out a perplexed laugh "Can we drop it now?"

He sighed "Fine, but if I notice him flirting again I'm gonna say something."

You patted his arm as you ushered him from the room, "Yeah yeah, alright."

[ink-fireplace-coffee]

consider: 'is that my shirt?' for kanej. CONSIDER.

I AM considering leo

I AM

send me some prompts?

---

Kaz often wondered how much kruge he'd have to earn to ban stairs from Ketterdam.

They were a painful torture for him, just another self-imposed punishment for him to endure. Maybe Jordie could forgive him if he suffered long enough.

But Jordie's gone and he will never be able to forgive you.

True. But who would want forgiveness when you can get revenge? Maybe his new motto, the replacement for his old "brick by brick", could be "step by step."

Step by step, I'll endure it all.

Yeah, it needed a little more work.

Besides, if Kaz had learnt something about leading a gang, it was that respect was the most important thing. Sometimes it could be laced by fear, but other times, respect could look like this: like making sure that everyone knew that his disadvantage could be the best of the advantages. That his cane was the other weapon besides his own mind and that, if he could go up and down those damned stairs even in his worst days, there would be plenty of worse things Dirtyhands could do.

A little mind game never hurt anyone, after all. And Brekker could consider him an expert of those.

Taking his time with the stairs also allowed him to think: the world moved too fast sometimes and he brealy had the time to stop and think at a pace that wasn't speed-of-the-light fast. He would argue that his ability to come up with solutions and alternatives was almost as fast as Jasper's to take out and shoot his beloved guns.

And still, Kaz knew that if anything, he was still a mortal, and inconveniently, that meant having to rest as well. There was no time for that now, though, he needed to check out the numbers that The Silver Six had been doing for the past weeks and-

And every single thought left his mind because there was someone in his office, sitting by the windownsill and-

"Captain Ghafa," he acknowledged, "is that my shirt?"

She laughed. She laughed.

In that brief moment Kaz thought that was the closest thing he would be to believing in Saints.

Inej finished up her braid, able fingers quickly tying a ribbon around it. Silk againts silk, soft to the touch and shiny... Kaz knew one day he would run his gloveless hands through it, a promise he refused to break, even if death came for him before. He would fight Death Itself if so were to happen.

"I though about taking your hat instead. You know, just as a souvenir-" she got up from her spot, crows already saying farewell, and grabbed her captain hat" -, but I think I like mine better."

There was no point on asking when had she gotten back: Inej did as she pleased for once, and Kaz new that freedom had never looked better on anyone else.

"I'm meeting Jes for waffles. Just wanted you to know that I'm here."

"Keep the shirt," Kaz was already limping towards his desk, work having to get done. A distraction from keeping himself from looking at her any longer.

And, as quick as she had gotten inside his office, the Captain of The Wraith was out of it.

If he had stole a glance at her before she turned the corner, he would've seen a blush rising to her cheecks.

If Inej had been a heartrender, she would've felt the way Kaz's breath had stopped, the way his heart was still beating strongly to his chest.

But those were just hypotheticals. Like the one Kaz was thinking about: that if Jordie were looking down at him from wherever he was, he would've been thinking how his little brother had done something good for once.

-----

weak ending but i just have more problems irl and my brain decided to freeze sorry leo :')

[goldengoddess]

dating kaz brekker headcanons

request(s): Hi!! I loveee your matthias head cannons!!! If requests are open, can we get some hc’s of dating Kaz? / Dating Kaz headcanons? 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

a/n: i’ve been scared of writing this because i dont think i can do kaz justice but i shall do my best 

warnings: cursing, teasing threats, kaz’s trauma 

kaz brekker is the definition of ‘touch her and i’ll kill you’ bf 

he's really protective 

even though he knows you could kick ass if you needed 

for a long time he couldn’t admit how much he needed you 

so instead of saying it 

he’d threaten anyone who looked at you wrong 

or he’d leave your favorite cake on your desk 

he never said it was him, but who else knew about your love for red velvet 

or he’d nudge you with his cane if he could tell you were having a hard day

he’d do everything but tell you he loved you 

so one day you sat him down 

all business 

you know 

speaking his language 

and told him that you cared about him and you wanted more 

you’d never seen kaz brekker smile so much 

after that things were different between the two of you 

but kaz insisted on keeping your relationship a secret 

because he knew his enemies could use you against him 

people who’d hurt you to hurt him 

you were his weakness 

and for your safety, he would admit it

but your friends obviously knew 

it was hard to keep the longing glances across the room hidden from a bunch of trained criminals 

“jesus fuck we know already, just sit next to each other i can’t take anymore of this”

jesper’s comment caused kaz brekker himself to blush 

but all of your friends loved the two of you together

they loved seeing kaz happy

and of course they loved teasing kaz 

“so brekker, have you gone soft now?”

“nina zenik i will bury you where you stand if you don’t shut up”

he’d only gone a little soft 

but all of this hiding was not good for a man like kaz brekker 

a man who got jealous like kaz brekker 

he’d stare bullets into the man talking to you at the crow club 

growling about how stupid he looked to jesper all night 

you could practically feel kaz’s glare 

you’d excuse yourself from the man trying to flirt with you 

striding across the club’s floor 

smug and smirking 

he’d roll his eyes at you 

“c’mon dirtyhands, admit it. you were jealous.”

he saved his most vulnerable moments for you 

laying his head in your lap as you both talked strategy

usually he fell asleep with your fingers in his hair 

he’d wake up embarrassed and a little shaky

some days were better than other with kaz 

communication felt like an obstacle the two of you never managed to overcome 

“saints kaz, just talk to me” you’d plead as turned away from you 

“get out.” he’d all but growl 

there were days he could touch you 

and days he couldn’t 

you knew he hated himself for it 

thought you deserved better 

better than this on and off panic he couldn’t control 

but you didn’t love him less

you didn’t need him to kiss you for you to know he loved you 

he’d rip a mans eyeball out for you if you needed it 

those bad days usually ended with the two of you sat on the floor together 

“i’m sorry” 

the first time he’d whispered it, you’d cried

because kaz brekker did not say sorry 

then you’d force him to stay up late

so you could remind him over and over 

that you loved him despite this 

loved the parts of him that couldn’t handle big crowds or touching 

he loved reading to you 

and you loved hearing him speak 

it woke you up and lulled you to sleep at the same time 

you liked sitting on his bed while he counted kruge at his desk 

he’s ask for your advice while planning heists

letting you in on his own underlying schemes 

if you ever got hurt while on a job 

his whole demeanor would change

and as much as you reassured him you were okay 

he would insist on cleaning you up himself 

every time he saw you flinch in pain 

his anger towards whoever hurt you would grow 

and that person would pay 

“i’ll kill them” he would mutter, wrapping the cut on your arm 

he called you angel 

it started as a joke 

a teasing remark as he gave your pointers on your fighting 

“put your arms up, i know you can do better than that angel”

it shouldn’t have stuck 

but it did 

slipping from his lips as he invited you to lay with him 

“come here angel”

it made your stomach flutter 

and from then on you were dubbed angel 

to him and him only obviously 

he’d keep everything you ever gave him in a box 

the letter from when you went away a couple of weeks

or the ticket from the bakery that served your favorite sweet rolls

even the scarf you left in his room one night 

the two of you were so glued to the hip 

that you started copying some of his mannerisms 

even his faces 

“holy shit, they’re both using the scheming face”

the bastard of the barrell surprisingly makes a good boyfriend 

[bookishdream]

Hi, can u do one Kaz Brekker X Reader where he likes the reader's skin, but he is afraid to touch she because of his traumas and hers traumas too, because he noticed how she reacts to other people's touch, but one day he just touches her because he wanted to feel her.

Sorry if got confused, english is not my first language.

thank you for a request, I hope you'll be satisfied with what I came up with! enjoy xx

kaz brekker x fem!reader

He was confused. He didn’t know why he was feeling the way he was. His fingers were itchy, palms getting sweaty every time he saw you. Especially when you showed some skin.

He had this weird urge to touch your hand, to kiss the place where he could feel your heart race, to feel your soft skin pressed to him. He didn’t want to do that in a sexual way, he just wanted to feel every scar and every stretch mark you had. But he knew better than that.

With his phobia and your reaction triggered by even the slightest touch, he knew he shouldn’t have had even a thought in his stupid mind. He was distracted when you were wearing a dress, his eyes were looking you up and down every occasion he had, thinking no one had ever noticed. How of a fool he’d been that whole time.

“I think you should ask her out,” Inej had once said, making him snap out of his thinking. “She’s not that bad, you know.”

“Inej, I appreciate your tries to warm up my heart, but I would have to have one first.” He’d replied, looking down at the money on his desk. He shouldn’t have been surprised, of course the Wraith had seen, she always did.

“What would bad happen if you opened up for someone?” she’d sat on the chair on the opposite of his, her hair braided as always, a little smirk playing on her lips. “You’ve known each other since forever. Also, I think only with her you show some human emotions.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he’d frowned, money in his gloved hands. “Now get out, I need to plan a job.” Inej had only sighed at his words, what a fool he was.

After that conversation, Kaz had been thinking how to avoid you. If you were in the club, he was somewhere in Ketterdam, walking around despite his leg pain. With work it was harder, you all had to work together in order to win over the city, exactly how you and Kaz had planned.

“I think we should kill Pekka Rollins first,” you had said, making an eye contact with Kaz. It was almost two years ago, your hair was shorter, your eyes glowed with sparkles he hadn’t seen ever since. “He’s been a pain in the ass, since I’ve been working in the White Rose.”

“Did he hurt you?” he’d asked, a foolish move, showing how he cared about you. “Touched you in the way he shouldn’t?”

“Kaz, every person who goes there does that.”

He’d sighed, his palms clenching harder on the cane. “I should’ve bought you out the first time I saw you there.”

“Kaz,” you said, touching his hand gently, he hadn’t flinched nor moved. “You bought Inej and both of us know she’s a better help to you than me.”

“You’re right.”

“Of course, I am, darling,” you’d squeezed his palm, letting go after a few seconds. “Now, I shall go. Boss will be angry if I don’t come back on time.”

“Be careful.” He’d pleaded, his voice barely detectable.

“Always am.”

He hadn’t got any idea why you were making him soft, you two had met after he came to Ketterdam. He remembered how beautiful you’d seemed that day, your hair loose, arms high above your head, and you were laughing. That sound he hadn’t forgotten. The pure laughter that had gotten out of you was a thing he still repeated in his head, years after he heard that last time. You never laughed again. Never got this spark in your eyes. Your smile never reached them as well.

“Kaz?” you knocked on the door leading to his room. “I need to talk to you.”

“Come in,” he replied, looking up at you. You had dark circles under your eyes, they were tired. You barely walked. “What is it?”

You took out a pouch, Kaz heard coins jingling in it. “I need you to buy me out.”

Shock made its way to Kaz’s face, you had never asked this question before. Even though he was prepared, he had a wad of money in his safe, just in case. He wanted to ask you so many questions but when you looked at him, pressing your hand to your stomach, rage started burning in him. “What did they do to you?”

“Kaz, please, I have money. Just do it.” You tried so hard to keep tears in your eyes, to not show anything.

“I don’t want your money,” he snapped, regretting it seconds after, he sounded too harsh. He got up and opened up his safe, taking out the money. “I am prepared.”

“Thank you,” you said, sitting on his bed. “Can I stay? I kind of don’t have any place to go.”

“Of course, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” With those words, he left, leaving you on your own.

After some time, that you just laid on his bed, trying to not paying attention to the pain you felt in your lower stomach, Kaz came back. His cane was clicking and he opened the door with a short sigh. The owner of the White Rose hadn’t wanted to sell your contract, saying you were his property. Kaz saw red, he’d hit Onkle Felix with the cane and had just taken the paper, leaving less money that it had been needed.

When he entered the room, you were laying on your right side, your back facing the door, you hadn’t changed. Your eyes were closed, but the breath was uneven. Kaz placed his walking stick beside his bed and climbed up on the soft mattress. He wanted so bad to touch you, to remove those hairs which gotten out of your updo, to caress your cheek. He took off his gloves, eyeing his slim, pale fingers. He laid down on his bed, he had your body next to him, he could’ve touched you so easily if he had wanted to.

Without the second thought, he touched your cheek slightly, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. Tracing your jaw line with his finger tip, seeing how calm you looked, how relaxed your body seemed. He removed his finger, testing his boundaries, yours also. He didn’t want to scare you off both by his trauma and yours.

“Don’t stop.” You whispered, gently opening your eyes, your voice raspy.

“Are you okay with that?”

“Kind of, just don’t stop.”

He wanted to pull you closer to him, to hug you properly, but instead, he took your hand in his and just traced small patterns on your palm. You smiled a little, falling asleep, while Kaz was just looking at you, remembering every detail on your face.