#i keep forgetting that zack is fucking HUGE

[sephirthoughts]

look at tiny little Biggs

and this WALL of Zack

and then you remember Biggs is a normal sized adult male

[frownyalfred]

So I’ve seen your other posts about Snyderverse!Bruce, and they reminded me of an article I read recently. It mentioned that Zack Snyder‘s vision of Batman is one that suffers from trauma, and, as a result, is someone who looks for other ways to cope (I think we all understood this)

He appeared on Joe Rogan Podcast to discuss his films. At one point, he spoke at length with Rogan about Batman and he basically said this :

“It might be in the theatrical cut, but it’s definitely in the director’s cut. Where he wakes up and there’s some chick in the bed with him, from the night before,” said Snyder. “Because I always say, Batman f— to forget, for sure. Batman’s a drunk, for sure. Because he has huge trauma, and you wonder why he’s a playboy, and anybody…f—— to forget is a common, that’s a real thing. That’s a way to deal with trauma.”

So basically for Snyder, Bruce uses s*x as a drug in BvS.

I think this interpretation only fits Ben Affleck's Bruce Wayne/Batman. I honestly enjoyed watching his performance, it was refreshing to see a new side of the character.

What’s your thoughts on this ? Do you agree with him ? And do you think he understood the character well ?

I've always loved that scene in BVS because, in the span of like 2.5 seconds you see 1) Bruce waking up after sex to some random girl 2) empty bottles of wine worth a small house next to the bed from the night before 3) Bruce taking a handful of mystery pills and washing it down with the aforementioned wine in one gross swallow.

I agree that it fits this particular flavor of Bruce, and not the canon typical version. He's coping using a variety of substances/escapes, from alcohol to sex to pills to violence. He's lost it in almost every way imaginable, including lashing out at Alfred (although this one doesn't leave, though I'm not sure it's because he approves or wants to stay so much as Alfred fears for Bruce's life if he leaves).

How does an addictive personality like that mesh with the hyperfocus and rigor of being Batman? It's an interesting question. We see Bruce, as Bruce Wayne, coping via every method available. As Batman, it's largely limited to violence, fear over national security, paranoia, etc, and rigorous training and intelligence gathering. Is the fear and paranoia a drug, in a way, too? Is it keeping Bruce alive the same way as the other things?

What I really like about the BVS era of Superbat fics is that the good ones really hammer home on that -- the Bruce who will fuck Clark, will take him home, and have it mean absolutely nothing. It's just another coping mechanism. It's not a pivotal reveal of intimacy and vulnerability like in other Superbat fics. You can fuck Bruce, can break his back, can drink with him and fight with him and still never know anything about him.

But that changes when Clark dies. The guilt claws at all of those coping mechanisms. Bruce could've left him in the Kansan dirt, but we see him becoming obsessed with Clark, even more so than before. And that guilt finds a link to the employees who he saw die, Robin he let die, all of it.

And all of a sudden, we see that energy being channeled into building a team. Building tech for the team. Rebuilding Wayne Manor, for the Justice League. It would be very interesting to see if Snyder intended to continue Bruce's issues with alcohol and grief through that period. Does having Clark back help? How does he recover from a period of what was essentially several addictions and massive trauma/grief?

[strayheartless]

Okay let’s torture Zack today: ADHD PARALYSIS STYLE!

Getoutlfbedgetoutofbedgetoutofbedgetoutofbedgetupgetupgetupgetuplazazylazazylazy-

This has been going on for too long now. Why can’t he just get up, huh? Why does this have to be a fight every fucking time? Just get the fuck up dude!

He doesn’t move. Instead his thumb shifts to scroll past another video. He knows Angeals about to bang on the door and demand to know why he’s not out of bed; he knows it’s going to spark a lecture, and he knows his brain is going to feel like it’s been lit up like a firework just hearing anything other than silence. He’s not doing it on purpose. He knows he needs to move.

There’s a knock at the door, and that gets him moving. It doesn’t sound like Angeals knock, it’s too hesitant. Also nobody has walked in which means they don’t have a key…

He opens the door to Cloud who’s standing there looking a little unsure. “You good?” He gives Zack a once over, closing off a little at whatever he finds, pulling his scarf over his mouth in nervous habit.

“Yeah I’m fine why?” Zack blinks. What did he forget?

“We er, we were going to meet for lunch.” Cloud looked away from him, and Zack feels like a grade A asshole. “It’s okay if you changed your mind, it’s just- a text- I mean… a text would have- it’s fine.”

“Cloud I’m so sorry!” He cried trying to stumble around looking for clean cloths from the pile of washing that’s mixed with the dirty laundry on the chair. “I completely lost track. I’m- I- I’m reall-“

He hadn’t realised he’d started crying until Cloud makes him stop with a hand on his arm, and he takes a huge stuttering breath. Why does he keep doing this!? Why does he keep forgetting these things and then upsetting his best friend!

“Zack breath,” Cloud says, kind of commands actually.Zack stops and focuses a little more on taking some breaths.

“Good, that’s good. Just… did you forget or did that thing happen again?” Cloud asks and Zack holds up two fingers to indicate option 2.

“Okay,” Cloud sighs and tries a little smile that he only ever seems to give to Zack. “Okay, that’s fine. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have put that pressure on you. Do you want to eat here, or do you think you need to get moving to kickstart something?”

Zack took another breath and struttered “m-moving.”

“Okay, I’ll leave you to get dressed then. 300 second okay?”

“Okay.”

Once Cloud closes his door again Zack moves around the room like lightning. He shoves on a shirt that smells clean, does his belt, grabs his phone and wallet and shoves his feet in his shoes.

Outside Clouds holding Zack’s coat out already and helps him into it.

“283 seconds. New record.” He bumps his elbow into Zack’s side lightly, making the other man laugh breathily.

“Cloud I really am so-“

“Don’t. I know you are and you don’t have to apologise. I get that it’s hard for you.” Cloud cuts him off.

Zack just looks at him. How can one person hold so much acceptance in one tiny body? How can somebody who’s known him for no more than a year accept and help him in ways not even his parents could.

Cloud never makes Zack feel bad for this. he never gets mad at him, when he has every right to. All Cloud has ever done is occasionally been insecure himself and even then he changes his approach when Zack explains.

“I really love you, you know that right?” He asks, wrapping his arms around Cloud. “Like, a lot,”

Cloud blushes “shut up,” he says, leaning into the side hug.

He doesn’t say it back, but he doesn’t have to. Zack knows Cloud loves him to and that makes all the difference in the world.

[spillingmymind]

Pre therapy

Unraveling, so much anger, grief

Been trying to communicate more but what comes out is often mean.

Towards Zack, I feel like I’m becoming his energy. For taking the house from me and still demanding more, being vengeful

For attacking mom and leaving me to wipe her tears

I’m just angry at the situation and hate that I’m here

Towards Kristin, hate seeing pictures of my old stuff that she didn’t let me keep or even sell. She had me believing my stuff was ugly, nothing uglier than her yet I still miss her and wonder if I’d be better off having never left. But I’m starting to cringe at pictures of her. I forgetting much of the abuse, perhaps I need to be processing it, avoiding less. That podcast talked about how powerfully fucked up it is to be strangled.. ya that was terrifying. So much happened on or right off the road.. her erratic driving to threaten me, roadside fights made public, chasing after her as she threw my things out the window. Her chasing me when I tried to leave, peeing my pants I was so scared

Ripping a huge ball of my hair out

[gojosatorailme]

How Lookism characters would eat you out

- Daniel, vasco, zack, gun, goo, Dg

Daniel Park

He’s a virgin. Cant expect much homie

I’d expect him to be a quick learner so he’d look at you throughout it, very experimental with it

Soft kitten licks soft kitten licks soft kitten licks.

Oh? You like it here instead? Okay! He’ll go crazy 💯

Id see him as quite shy and nervous as he wouldn’t know what he’s doing though he’d get more comfortable and confident with reassuring words!

As he gets more used to it you’ll be in tears

Soft and sensual licks, his face buried inside you flicking his tongue the way he knows drives you crazy

UI Daniel on the other hand… a menace. Absolute menace.

Forget walking bby you’ll forget how to think all together

Goodluck soldier

Vasco

I LOVE VASCO

WHYRE HIS BONKERS SO FUCKING HUGE????

He’s so cute I feel like he’d be so dumb and lick the left flap

Like I KNOW he’d do smt wrong by accident bc the poor guys just so confused

Somehow has a charm to him like somehow

Maybe it’s bc his milkers are so large you get delusional or maybe it’s bc his abs are all sweaty and he looks hot but theres SOME CHARM THERE

Vascos so cute

Would put your release before his like it’s a priority he’d put the burn knuckles on the line for it

Wants to make you feel good so teach him the way and he’d do wonders

Zack Lee

Stop joking honey hes a taken man

Keep scrolling home wrecker 🤬🤬

joking he’s also in the virgin gang ^^

Whole worrywart

He’d ask if he’s doing this right, if you feel good, or literally anything

I see him as a body worshipper or like he’d be into praise

Pls tell him he’s doing a good job

Very sweet I love zack

Still a taken man tho keep scrolling boo 😒

Gun

Would he even eat you out or would he get straight to pounding your brains out let’s think for a second

Have a strong feeling he’d be so aggressive

Strong and power licks. Like not even kidding

Have you seen his body maybe he does tongue workouts too u never know??

You want him to go slower? He’ll go faster. You want him to go faster? He’ll go slower. You want him eat you out at all? He’ll dip.

He’s such a menace for what

yk how he takes glasses off during fights? He does it while eating u out and I find it so oddly hilarious

Imagine he outs the glasses on and somehow gets turned on by it GOODBYE

Slaps ur genital area?? He’s mean. He’s just mean.

This is supposed to be like nsfw but it’s a parody atp I feel like gun was such a leash kid it’s so funny HE PROBS BIT A TEACHER IM FALLING IT IDK

He’ll go feral on u 💯 dick in or tongue in idc he’s a beast

He’d degrade u Roo like calling u a little slut for being turned on by how mean he’s being with u

Goo

HES JUST LIKE GUN BUT MORE GOOFY??

WOULD HE EVEN EAT U OUT FOR FREE?

Better get the bag before u think abt getting his tongue

u silly thing

He’d laugh idk and the vibrations would make your eyes roll back and ur all shivering

Would lick the left flap. But on purpose.

Teases u on purpose hes just so mean

he would listen to u either like no going fast hed go slow no going slow her go fast HES JUST LIKE GUN MF

Dg/James Lee

……….

Theres a lot to say but a lot not to say.

Eye contact. Mega eye contact.

Him as James Lee? A menace. I mean it’s already Canon that he’s a menace so why do u think he won’t be one in the bedroom?

ur so silly!

He’s James Lee the living legend of the first gen that’s know to be the best at literally every fucking thing HE WON POETRY LIKE MAD RESPECT IM SO BAD AT POETRY

If he’s good at everything he’s probably a god in the bedroom

ITS ALSO CANON HE HAS A BIG DICK

Maybe I’m biased and I love James but. Yeah.

You’ll be screaming, crying, fucked out, and all but keep going u got this!

him as DG however…

The same. Literally the same.

Both would be such a tease.

Also part of the mean group those little fuckers

He’s so unexpected to like could he giving u small kitten licks one second and the next his tongue is faster than flash like in being so fr

To conclude, he’s a god in the bedroom and I’d like to experience it first han-

The sex legend

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Since series three of Mythic Quest is over what are your predictions on series four? Also what overall thoughts on series three of Mythic Quest because I still feel in the mix about this series.

First I want to say, thank you for asking! My answer ended up kinda long and rambly so I'll put it under keep reading in case anyone isn't interested. But I'm really happy to be able to discuss this!

I'm not sure I have any predictions, but I do really hope they follow up more on Zack's plan from season 2 in season 4. They completely dropped it, even though he was outright trying to manipulate employees and hurt the company. It's weird they didn't bring that up at all in s3. I also hope we get more character development for Dana, Rachel and Jo (I mentioned a while back that I'd love a Rachel backstory episode and I am sticking to that). I'm not a huge fan of Brad, Jo and Dana being split from the MQ office, but I hope that's at least done better than the splitting of characters in s3. I just hope s4 gives decent stories to the other characters again. They did it so well in s2, but fucked it in s3.

Also they better fucking bring back that bit of someone running to Brad for help and Brad already knowing what they want, and saying their words to them at the same time (did that make sense?) It's small, but I missed it in s3. It was a fun bit.

My ideal version of MQ season 4 would have more Rachel and Dana because to me the show is about them (it's not, I'm just constantly starved for good lesbian representation and want more of them being cringey lesbians). On a serious note, I just hope the other characters have more to do. Also more Carol would be great!

As far as s3 goes, I was quite disappointed with it. It had some great moments and I will say the Christmas episode and Sarian were life changing, but the rest was meh at best. It felt like the only characters that had something to do were mainly Poppy and David, and a bit of Ian. And the rest were just there?

The Rachel and Brad dynamic was rushed as all hell, which sucks bc I really like their dynamic, but come on it would not take Rachel one speech to suddenly be a greedy capitalist. Even with the whole idea of "she talked herself into it" it doesn't work imo. There should've been more manipulation on Brad's part for it to work, and it should've taken longer than an episode. (Also multiple people have brought this up already, but it makes no sense that Rachel dropped her goal of writing. I'd get it if she dropped out of Berkley for one reason or another, but her outright abandoning her interest in writing was weird)

Dana felt like she was barely there for a lot of the season imo, which sucks bc she's a cool character! And they barely did anything with her until like the last few episodes.

I hate that all of s3 was building up this movie deal, only for it to get cancelled at the end? Like what the fuck was that! Movies get cancelled often, sure, but for that to just not go anywhere at all was bullshit in my opinion. David standing up for himself was iconic, but the movie just being cancelled like that wasn't a good choice.

Also why was Brad the janitor for only like 2 seconds? Why did he hint towards having a plan, but had nothing? Brad as a janitor could've been so interesting since he was the head of monetization a year before, and now he has to try to get that back somehow. But they dropped that too.

Of course, a lot of people also wanted the Brad Breakdown Episode. I didn't know Danny Pudi had teased anything like it so I never expected it, but it is weird to name your episode To Catch a Mouse, stick Brad and Jo right in there, and nothing? At all? Did the writers forget about the animal sorting episode and Brad being labeled a mouse? Did they forget that Jo directly fucked with him for being a mouse? (Also side note: am I stupid or does it not make sense that Brad had the janitor costume on again in that episode if he's not the janitor anymore?)

The fact that CW didn't get a mention outside of the first episode was also disappointing. People theorised that CW's speech was gonna have an impact on some of the other characters, and I wish it would've. At the very least there should've been a scene where they're talking about CW because he was their friend after all.

I feel like I'm rambling a bunch now and I'm sorry. Simply put, I just hope s4 is better.

[theblackbirdsgemimagines]

Ramble away, cause I feel the twisted head rot, I kinda wanna see what you think about our bois. ~ a pocket sized dragon hops in excitement.

A POCKET SIZED DWAGOOOOOONNNN 😭💞💞💞 That’s so BLESSED, and tysm omg, I’m very glad to just spill out my barking on every boy, bc yEAH THE BRAIN ROT SKDHAKDB

THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL LOL

Everything I breathe ends up relating to TWST in some way, like at this point just let me take my friends, cousins, and pets, and of course Lulu and Seb, and I will have 1. A Gottdamned Harem, 2. So Many Children, and 3. NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. Kwfhskdhjwek

Ok this is gonna be long bc I gotta cover all my boys, so rip lol.

Dorm Leads:

Riddle

GOD, my Fucking Baby, my CHILD, my SWEET BABY BOY, I’M 👁💧👄💧👁

I would die for him, beetch, he is PRECIOUS ♥️

He reminds me of how I feel Ciel would behave if S/O took the place as Sebastian’s contracee, too, so like 🥺 Lots of feels 😭

Is Son, I have adopted him now. If you mistreat him, don’t ever speak to me or my son ever again. I’ll FIGHT his MOM, don’t TEST me. I’m his new mom now. His BIRD mom. So proud of him, he’s like...one of the few that’s actually shown growth in canon after his overblot kshdkadjs

Leona

👁💧👄💧👁

.....I am a Mere Simp....

Ya’ll.... I swearh to ghOD I simped hard for Scar back when I was a wee thing, I did NOT expect to simp for him AGAIN LATER IN LIFE, what the FUCK aidhskdhskdj

Like shit bitch, damn, you may not be king of Afterglow honey, but you can be king of my heart if you wAnt to bb....

Leona: *smiles once, even if it’s smugly*

Me: *WEEPING* Look at hiiiiiiim!! My sunshine booooooy! 😭

Does this make me a furry

Probably

I am too Simp to Care Anymore

I HESITATED TO GET ATTACHED BC THIS BOY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN WOMANIZER IF I EVER SAW ONE, BUT HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE EVERY SINGLE MORNING AND I WAS A GONNER SNDJAJDHSJ

FUCK

Call me a Herbivore again, bully me //SLAPPED

Azul

He secretly a lil shit sometimes, but tha’s ok, it’s mostly in a silly way, especially post overblot~ UvU

The sweetest bby everytime I read fanposts on him, like god, ah 💜💜💜 WHOMST COULD BULLY SUCH A CUTE CHUBBY OCTOBABY I’LL FIGHT ALL OF EM!! A sweetheart 10/10 would be his friend 💗 Not making contracts with him tho, lol

...ok maybe SOME after his overblot, but they’re able to be easily reversed now, so it’s way more chill andhsjdj

Kalim

FUCK!!!! F U C K!!!! BABYYYYYYY!!!! BABY!!!! I HAVE ADOPTED HIM IF YOU TOUCH HIM YOU D I E

He is literally so sweet, anytime anyone was like “you’re so nice it’s annoying” I WAS READY TO COME FLYING IN TO BITCH SLAP THEM LIKE AJDHSKDHSJ (even if I also loved them lol)

Like NO you are WRONG whfksjd

He has also grown so much, and I am proud ♥️🧡

Vil

Jesus Christ, canon Vil is Hurting Meeeeee ajdhskdhsj

My fave fanon Vil is the one that recognizes all different types of beauty, though~ uvu and is v encouraging to anyone that may be struggling with self hatred 💜

Canon: Vil is pretty~.

Me: Wow, wtf???? He IS so pretty... How rude I didn’t think you were serious! Wow him??? Pretty??? Wow??? Wow...

Idia

I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t seen him very often, but of the few times that I have: BIG same, huge mood, and Me FUCKING Too, goddamn akdhakdj

Idia is my Anxiety and Anime Nerd personified tbh lol

What Ortho is to him are what all my comfort characters are to me, honestly.

Like what would you like bby, you want that singing voice?? Ok here comes a synthesizer just special for you~. Ily, mwah~ u3u 💕

Malleus

HEAVY BREATHING

Ok maybe it’s just the lack of story/info out on him yet, but I don’t currently simp as hard for him compared to Leona, I’ll admit jajdkajd

BUT BOY HOWDEY DO I EVER STILL S I M P...

He Is Baby... And I Lob Him....

I am going to smooch those horns and forehead crown of beautiful scales 🖤🖤🖤 I am going to do it!!!! Here I go!!!

HE CAN HAVE ALL THE ICE CREAM AND TAMAGATCHI DATES HE WANTS I’M- 😭

This man is too precious for words, and I have so much childhood nostelgia to ‘enchanted’ woods, and being in the mountains, so he has Old Fae Friend vibes to me~🖤

DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON F-

Ngl I ship him and Leona a lil bit lol

No, not just bc that makes a poly with my two faves easier, but that is a bonus factor jadhajdj

Vice Dorm Heads:

Trey

Oh my god, the Daddy to my Mommy with all these newly adopted lil kids of ours, ya know??? What a wholesome sweetie and funny lil shit jahdksdh~

I love him, I would gladly make tarts with, AND for him 💚💚💚

The kind of boi who I’d ship HARD with anyone he started dating bc My God it would warm my heart So Much 💞💞

Ruggie (unofficial but may as well be at this point lol)

He took a while to grow on me kadhskdhsj

But I think he’d be a sweet, if a trouble-maker of a friend to have~.

Dank you for taking care of my sweet lion bby, honey, I’m sure Farrena is a sweetheart, but boi I hope he gets his shit together to fix up where Ruggie lives 😭

I think if I met his granny, I’d CRY jadhajsh 💗💗

Leech Twins (?)

Idk if they’re vice leaders, but who cares lol

THESE are the older Big Brothers in every sense of the word. (My canon ages most everyone up just a bit, save for Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Cheka, and anyone already 20+)

The ANNOYING older big brothers, lol.

The ones that hug you to death (Floyd), or use you for an arm rest (Jade), and specifically Do the thing you asked/told them NOT to Do.

This is fine with me tho, I’m an only child, please give me the experience of annoying older brothers lol 💙💚

Jamil

I used to hate you bby, I’m so sorry akdhskdhs

I’ve adopted him now, and I’m v proud he’s trying, but making clear what his boundaries are, and trying to come out of a shell he was made to be in for so long 😭

AND HIS DANCING IS SICK LIKE HONESTLY I’M SUCH A PROUD MOM 💗💗💗

Rook

God. FUCKING Rook, lol.

IDK IF I SHOULD TRUST YOU, but I also kinda wanna be your friend akdhakdjs

HE CONCERNS ME but he also seems nice and v sweet sometimes, lmao

Blz don’t stalk me tho 😬

STOP SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS AROUND SCHOOL YOU BLOODY HEATHEN FRENCH PRISS, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

Also, if he DARES hunt cute animals around me, especially BIRDS, I am going to GRIP him jahdkahdsk

He’s like if Lord Druitt was a Little More Nice and a Little Bit Less Creepy ajdhak

Lilia:

GOD.

I LOVE THIS FUCKING GRANDPA.

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS FUCKING. GRANDPA.

I absolutely hc him as nonbinary w/masc pronouns, I absoLUTELY do.

I adore him, I love him, I haven’t gotten a squish (hardcore desire to be someone’s friend, lol) this hard for a character since AngelDust, I-

Pwease be nonbinary friends with me, Lilia 🥺

THE ONLY PERSON HERE SHORTER THAN ME, BUT I’LL TAKE IT AJDHAKDHJS

Anyone know Corpse and how he plays Among Us? That’s how I see Lilia playing his video games with friends and I JUST I JUST I J U S T

The Spencer to your Carly.

He and Crowley are free to compete as Dad with me too like honestly kshdkadjjs

He’ll always be granpa tho uvu 💚💖🖤

Extras:

Ace

God, the Fucking Annoying Middle Brother that pranks you ALL THE DAMN TIME, but I love him andhakdhsk

Deuce

THE BROTHER THAT WILL BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES 💙💙💙 SWEET BABY BOY

The Josh to Ace’s Drake. The Cody to Ace’s Zack. The Freddie to your Carly and Ace’s Sam.

If he and Ace started dating, tho, I would CRY.

But regardless who they end up dating, it’ll be slow burn friends to lovers, and literally the most adorable shit to watch EVER 💞💞💞😭

Cater

Seems Like A Womanizer But Actually Drinks His Reapect Women Juice And We Stan That 🧡

Can always count on him to help tou get the best Magicram shots, bless you Cater 🧡🧡

Also rly wanna be his friend, ngl 😭 Even IF he pranks me a lot kadhakdhsj

Jack:

H E AV Y BR EA T H IN G

Ngl my feelings for him are in the air IDK IF I WANNA SMOOCH OR NOT YET I JUST KNOW I LOB HIM HE GOODEST BESTEST BOY 💛💛💛😭

If all three Savannaclaw bois got in a cuddle pile with me, I would Not Be Mad

How can I give this boy love, tell me and I will Do It

Gift him all the cacti’s he WANTS💛

God he drinks that respecc women juice bright and early on his run every morning, you KNOW he does 💛💛💛

I wawnt to pet his ears an tail an fwuffy wolf form 😭

I WAWNT TO SEE THE BOY SMILE AND BE HAPPY 💞💞💞

Sebek

CHILL CHILL CHILL CHILL CH-

He is a v devoted guard tho, we love to see it UvU

I don’t have more info on him hekdhskdj but his fanmade content seems v v sweet~ 💚

Silver

HE ATTRACTS BIRDS AND I CRY ABOUT IT PLEASE BE MY FRIEND AND TEACH ME HOW 🥺🥺🥺

Him being raised by Lilia and Malleus literally gives me so much Fucking Seratonin....... God 💞💕💗💗💞💞💗💗💕💞

Ortho

IS BABY????? IS BABY!!!!!! I’M LOVE HIM I’M ADOPTING HIM IS BABYYYYYYY 💙💙💙💙💙

Cheka:

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

He is so FUCKING CUTE what the FUCK!

Leonaaaaaaa... 🥺 Your NEPHEWWWWW 😭

I might steal him from Farrena tbh, lIKE MY CHILD NOW~ 🧡🧡

I just sob and hug him every time I see him honestly 😭

Teachers:

Dire Crowley

Ohhhhhh god oh god oh god

Be my dad. Please. Be my dad. PLEASE be my dad. Ya’ll think I’m joking, I’m not. Please adopt me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

This man as a father gives me so much dopamine and oxytocin and seratonin??? I have been weeping for WEEKS, please adopt me, Sir

Fathers with zero braincells being wrapped around a daughter’s little finger makes me so weak, and I am just here with Daddy Issues like ajdhakdhsj BLEASE ADOPT ME MISTER BIRD MAN

Crewel

Ew.

Forgive me, I haven’t seen much content with him in it/that could be considered wholesome, bUT JADHWKDJSJ

UncoMFORTABLE

Please keep the kink talk out of the classroom, S I R

Call me puppy one more time, see what happens, I’m not scared to fight a teacher akdhakdhsj

Trein

The Dad Figure that tries to be the stern part to Crowley’s blumbering kahdkqrhsjdj

Don’t feel as much attachment to him emotionally, but I like him~

Just let me pet your cat sometimes and give you holiday presents, and we’re cool~ ♥️

Vargas

Found the womanizer //SMACKED

And of course, I can’t forget Grim~!

He’s grown on me, and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the room, and then myself 😭

I will pet and snuggle and hold him all he wants and feed him all the tuna his heart desires uvu 💙

[softboywriting]

Opposites Attract | Shawn Mendes AU

Summary: Shawn. He is your brother’s friend, bad boy, long time crush and now, your new housemate. You’ve had it bad for him since you were a teenager, and he knows it too. There’s just one little problem, he isn’t your type. Or is he? Will Shawn prove to be more than the guy who picked fights and got in trouble or will he be the same guy you knew growing up? [bad boy] [fluff] [mild nsfw]

Word Count: 11k

|Masterlist In Bio|

The day you told your brother you needed a roommate because your old one moved in with her boyfriend, you were just intending to vent. Zack was halfway across the country going to college to be a lawyer, how was it he just happened to have someone to move in with you? It was the last thing you expected to hear from him, that he knows someone looking for a place, but you were desperate and rent was due soon.

The day Shawn shows up is one you won’t be forgetting any time soon. It was six in the morning, you had just woken up and gotten out of bed. It was a nice morning, cool, so you had the windows open while you made breakfast. The sound of birds was beautiful as you sang along to the radio on the kitchen counter. Life was good. Until the sound of a very loud motorcycle interrupted everything.

Loud engines weren’t anything new in your neighborhood. Most people had second hand cars and not all of them were the best. You live in a college town, beat up cars is the norm. But this was different because it was clearly a motorcycle and it was in your driveway causing a racket.

Before you could get to the front windows the sound stops. The engine shut off. You opened the door and that’s when you saw him. Shawn. Standing by his bike unloading a huge duffle bag that’s strapped to the back. When Zack said he had a friend coming to meet you about the roommate offer, you didn’t expect him to bring his stuff. In fact you didn’t remember Zack telling you which friend it was.

Shawn turned and smiled at you, a hand raised in greeting. Your heart stopped. Of all of Zack’s friends, it had to be Shawn that needed a place to stay. Shawn, the guy who picked fights with everyone in school. Shawn, the one who stole a car with Zack when they were sixteen and drove it into your neighbor’s pond. Shawn, the one who bought you your first shot when you turned nineteen and then knocked out your boyfriend for flirting with some girl at the club you were at. Granted the last one was well deserved and Gauge, your ex, was an asshole. But it just had to be him. The one person you have a history of feelings for.

You couldn’t believe you were staring him down on your front porch after all this time. All six foot and three inches of muscle, tattoos, piercings, perfect wavy brown hair and a photo ready smile. He was a handsome, problematic son of a bitch and you were playing with fire the moment you let him into the house.  

_____________________

One month. It’s one month of living with Shawn before he asks if you have a boyfriend. You’re in the bathroom, the door is open, and you’re washing your face. It’s just a normal Tuesday night and he just pops the question.

“So, you got a boyfriend?”

He’s leaning against the door frame oh so casually, arms crossed in his black tank top that shows off his full sleeve of tattoos going up to his shoulder. He’s huge, way bigger than you remember him being and you think it’s definitely because he’s bulked up. You couldn’t imagine being on the receiving end of a punch from him when you were back in high school, you definitely couldn’t imagine it now.

“Uh, no.” You turn to look at him with your face scrub smeared across your face. “Why?”

“Just curious.”

“Why?”

Shawn shrugs and you aren’t buying it.

“You looking to knock someone out? Because that’s what you did to my last boyfriend.”

He chuckles and leans his head on the door. “Gauge was a dick. You really haven’t dated since you were nineteen?”

“Oh I’ve dated.” You rinse your face and grab your moisture. “I just haven’t had a boyfriend, like a long term relationship.”

“So you’ve had hook ups?”

“Dates.” You level your eyes and pull away your hairband keeping your hair out of your face. “Hook ups imply sex.”

Shawn follows you as you walk out of the bathroom and head for the kitchen. He’s like a puppy on your heels and you can’t help but feel like he is asking all these questions for a reason.

“So you haven’t gotten laid in a while?”

“Shawn!”

“What?” He raises his hands in defense and walks back against the counter. He crosses his arms and smirks. The audacity. “We’re adults. Sex is an adult topic.”

“I’m not talking about my sex life with you.” You sigh and open the fridge to find something to make for a late dinner. You had worked over time, picking up a half shift for a friend who had to pick up her sick kid at daycare.

“You’re such a goody two shoes.”

“And you’re a nosy Nancy.”

Shawn rolls his eyes and runs a hand over his hair. “Curiosity is not nosiness.”

“Arguable. Why do you want to know anyway? Why are you curious?”

He shrugs. “We live together. I just thought I’d get to know you a little better. It’s been a few years since we really talked.”

You pull a pack of chicken from the fridge and walk around him to grab a cutting board. “Well, I’m pretty much the same person.” You look at him and give him a once over. He doesn’t fail to notice. “It seems you are too.”

“Yeah? What’s that mean?”

“It means I’m not going to hook up with you. You’re my brother’s friend and even if you weren’t, you aren’t my type.”

Shawn scoffs and grabs a banana from the fruit basket behind him. “And what is your type?”

“Good boys.” You quip, walking around him again to put your chicken in a pan.

He chuckles and remains quiet. You’re shocked.  That’s what it took to shut him up huh? You feel like this isn’t the end of this conversation. Shawn wasn’t one to relent so easily. And while he wasn’t your usual type of guy you might flirt with, you’d be damned if you said he didn’t pique your interest.

____________________

It’s pouring rain the day you lock yourself out of the house. A week ago your washer took a shit and you’ve worn everything in your closet. You packed everything up that morning and took it to your parents house half an hour away. You decide to drive home at the first signs of a storm, your mom saying she would finish up your laundry for you if you wanted to pick it up tomorrow.

By the time you pull in the driveway, it’s pouring rain and thunder is rumbling across the sky. Shawn’s bike is parked under the eve of the side of the house with a tarp over it. You hurry out of the car and up to the front door. You scramble to find your house key on your keyring and realize it’s not there. You loaned it to Shawn when he lost his keys a week ago. He found his eventually but he didn’t give you back yours.  

“Shawn!” You yell, pounding on the door. “Shawn let me in!”

The wind picks up and you shiver, pulling your jacket across your chest in an attempt to keep some of your body heat in. There is no response from inside the house. You press the doorbell relentlessly and start pounding again.

The lock clicks and the door opens to a soaking wet Shawn in a towel. “What the fu-”

“About time!” You push past him and into the house, water dripping off every inch of your body. “I need my house key back by the way.”

Shawn closes the door and turns to face you. “I’m sorry?”

You push your hair back out of your face and stare at him. He’s just as soaked as you but for a much better reason. There’s water running off the end of his nose and you can’t help but stare at his piercing. He’s got a ring in it today instead of his usual stud. It’s hot. Way too hot.

A grin spreads across his face and he licks some water off his lips. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” You snap out of your daze and remember that you’re drenched. “Give me my key when you’re done showering.”

“Yes ma'am.” He saunters past you, winking as he pushes his hair back. It’s so cliche but god damn did it work. You were fucked for him.

Fifteen minutes later and you walk into the kitchen to start some lunch. Shawn is already in there, sitting at the table looking at something on his phone. He’s still half naked, just wearing a pair of his running pants. You wish he wasn’t in there though because you are in clothes you usually reserved for men you were trying to get into bed with.

All of your clothes were at your parents house. Literally everything but one pink nightie like tank top and a pair of silky black shorts. You can’t help the flush that rises on your cheeks as you turn away from his gaze to start making a sandwich.

“That’s an awful pretty outfit for making lunch in.”

You won’t turn and look at him. You know he’s right behind you now. “Yeah well, all my clothes are at my parents house.”

“I have clothes you can wear.”

Good point. But you weren’t going to ask him for clothes. You didn’t want to smell like him and have thoughts of him being all over you. God no. This was bad enough, having him stand behind you and chat about your lingerie.

“It’s fine. I’m already wearing them.”

You see his arm, tattoos all up the forearm, before you feel his body against your back. He’s hot, in every sense of the word. He reaches up to get something overhead in the cupboard and he is so obvious. This is so painfully intentional it hurts.

“What are you doing?” You ask, trying your best to sound completely neutral.

“Getting a bowl for cereal.”

He leans forward, on his tiptoes no doubt as he presses flush against you, pressing you into the counter. He’s so big and so…fuck…you push back against him in an attempt to get him to move off of you but it ends up resulting in him dropping his head to your ear.

“You wanna do that again?” He purrs, free hand coming up and grabbing your hip.

Your body heats up, flushing from head to toe as he stands there’s waiting for your answer. You are so hot and so turned on you’re glad he can’t see your face.  

Shawn lowers his cereal bowl from the cupboard and places it in front of you with a chuckle. “I might not be your type but I definitely turn you on.” He slides his hand over your stomach and places a kiss behind your ear. “I know you think about me, and it’s okay, I think about you too.” He gives your hip a little squeeze and steps back with his bowl.

Immediately you miss his heat, but it’s fine because you generated enough of your own to melt the polar ice caps. You let your shoulders fall as you stare blankly at the sandwich fixings on the counter before you. You can hear him idly making a bowl of cereal behind you and you just…can’t turn around yet. You can’t face him. He absolutely knows you’re completely fucked for him and he is going to play it to his advantage.

____________________

Shawn is surprisingly well behaved for the next week. He doesn’t flirt with you or anything. The most he says that’s outside of a normal conversation is that he likes your outfits for work. There’s no insinuation to the compliments, it’s just him genuinely telling you that you look nice.

Saturday night a few friends invite you out for drinks at a club in downtown for your friend Trisha’s birthday. They ask you to bring Shawn after meeting him one day when he brought you your lunch you had left on the counter at home. You know the girls just wanna oggle him and that’s fine, Shawn is definitely a gorgeous guy.

The lot of you get to the club and post up in a booth on the outside of the dance floor. You and Shawn sit beside each other facing Trisha and her boyfriend Oliver while your other two friends Kate and Macy head to the bar to get drinks.  

“You wanna go dance?” Trisha asks you, leaning her head on Oliver’s shoulder. “I love this song!”

You scoot out of the booth and Shawn has ahold of your shirt. You glance back and he releases you, looking away. Did he not want you to leave him?

“What’s wrong Shawn?” You ask loudly over the music and he shakes his head.

“Nothing. Go have fun!”

Trisha drags you away, giggling as some bass boosted Taylor Swift song starts to play. Kate and Macy join the two of you and together you guys dance and sip your drinks.  

Time passes quickly while you’re having fun. Songs start to blend together, bodies in never ending motion as you completely let go of all your worries for a few hours. You’re sweaty, drunk, a total mess as you walk up to the bar for a glass of water. You may be at your limit but you know you still need water.  

Shawn is sitting at the end of the bar, chatting with some girl with long blonde hair. You catch his eye and he looks past the girl to you. She doesn’t seem to notice and you can tell by the way her very animated story is still going on. Suddenly your view is blocked by a guy in a black shirt that smells like cheap cologne.

“Hey sweetheart,” the guy purrs, leaning against the bar.

“Hi.” You turn to face the bartender who’s got his back turned while making a drink.

“I saw you dancing out there. You look like you know how to move.”

“I do. I learned to walk when I was a baby.” You deadpan, trying to give this guy a hint that you aren’t interested.

He laughs, as if you told an actual joke. “You’re a tough one huh? I love feisty girls.”

“I bet you do.” You push away from the bar to go join Macy and Kate. The guy’s hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you back.

“I wasn’t done talking to you.”

You jerk your arm away and rub your wrist. “Don’t touch me, and I was done talking to you, so step off.”

The guy steps toward you and suddenly you’re staring at the back of Shawn’s head. He has stepped between you and the douchebag. “The lady doesn’t seem interested, why don’t you move on?”

“Why don’t you mind your business pretty boy.”

Shawn chuckles and you’re all too familiar with that particular laugh of his. It meant bad news for whoever he was chatting with. “You should really just leave her alone.”

“Fuck you gonna do about it?” The guy shoves Shawn and you step back to avoid getting knocked over.  

“Shawn don’t,” you mutter as if he was going to hear you over the music.

Before you can manage to actually say something loud enough for either guy to hear, Shawn’s arm is pulled back and he’s punching the guy in the face. The guy reels back, catching himself on the bar and people nearby start to gasp and clear away. Security steps in just as the guy lunges for Shawn.

You back away and go back to Macy and Kate. They’re both totally wasted and Trisha is at the booth with Oliver making out. You aren’t sober yourself and you don’t know what to do. You don’t want to watch Shawn fight and you sure as hell don’t want to get kicked out for getting involved. You watch from across the dancefloor as security drags both of the men outside and you grab your purse off the booth seat. You don’t bother telling anyone you’re leaving, you were just going to take a cab anyways since Oliver started drinking and he was meant to be the designated driver.

Once outside you see Shawn by his bike, wiping his face with the back of his arm. You go over to him and he looks at you as he swings his leg over the seat of the bike.

“What the hell was that about?”

“That guy was harassing you.”

“I would have been fine. I’ve dealt with assholes before.”

Shawn rolls his eyes. In the lights of a passing car you can see blood on his face, smeared from his nose no doubt. “Yeah well, he shouldn’t have grabbed you. That’s a red flag that he will do much worse given the opportunity.”

You fold your arms over your chest and look away. “I would have been fine.”

“Yeah, maybe so. But what about the next girl he preyed on if you got away?” Shawn kicks the bike to life and gets himself steadied. “You want a ride home?”

“No. I’ll call a cab.”

“Suit yourself.”

He pulls out onto the street and you watch as he takes off, the engine growing ever distant. You call a cab and wait, sitting on the edge of the street. Fights like this is why Shawn wasn’t exactly your type. Why he couldn’t be someone you got into a relationship with. It’s been four years since you saw him before he showed up ready to move in and he really was the same guy. You can’t believe you let yourself get involved with him, at least you didn’t let it go too far yet. You could still keep your distance. Maybe.

_____________________

Shawn doesn’t come home for a week after the fight at the club. You have no idea where he’s staying or if he comes home while you’re at work. He hasn’t called or texted you and his bedroom door remains ever open. You did try calling and texting him several times but to no avail. You can’t figure out what went wrong, what happened. You think maybe it has something to do with the fight at the club but he didn’t seem to care if you were mad at him about it so you dismiss that as a reason.  Your other worry is that he’s in jail for some reason, for what, you have no clue.

Friday you walk out of the laundry room, the landlord had called a guy to fix the washer a few days ago, and you see Shawn standing in the kitchen with his back to you.

“You came home.”

He turns and you drop your laundry basket. He has a little black ring in his lip. That was definitely new. And he also has a butterfly bandage on his eyebrow that makes you think he may have gotten into another fight.

“Are you okay?” He chuckles, walking over to you and crouching down to help you gather the laundry you’ve dumped everywhere.

You just gawk at him, eyes fixed on his lip. It’s so hot. You didn’t think he could be sexier but God you were so fucking wrong. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine. Where were you?”

“I was staying at a friend’s.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I needed some time to think. Sorry, I just…I needed to get away.”

You reach out and touch his eyebrow. There’s a cut leading up into his hairline from it. “Are you okay?”

“That?” He touches over your fingers and you pull away. “I stood up too fast at work. The car I was under wasn’t as raised as I thought.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…I’m kind of a clutz I guess.”

“You? Never.” You smirk and he smiles as he stands and passes you the laundry basket. “How about the lip ring?”

“You like it?” He moves it with his tongue. “My friend Casey did it for me.”

“It’s… different.”

He grins and you flush, breaking eye contact. “You like it don’t you?”

“It’s dumb.”

“Uh huh.” He bumps your basket to get your attention and your eyes snap to him and his eyes soften. “Do you like it though, for real?”

“Yeah.” You smile. “It’s nice. I’m glad your home.”

“I’m glad to be home.”

_____________________

Waking up to the smell of sausage is a treat. You never have time anymore to make breakfast that is more than a bowl of cereal or a microwaved breakfast sandwich. So when you wake up and the house smells like breakfast back home, you almost cry.

You wander into the kitchen, expecting your mom to be making waffles on her old griddle and sausages in her cast iron pan. No. You get something entirely better. It’s Shawn.

A sleepy, messy haired, glasses wearing Shawn standing at the stove in a worn to hell tee shirt and jogging pants. He’s looks incredible, like an angel in your kitchen.

“Hey you,” he grins, turning to look at you. “Good morning.”

“What’s all this?”

“Breakfast.”

“Breakfast?”

“And an apology.” He sighs softly. “For fighting and not coming home.”

You didn’t expect that. Not from him. “It’s okay, you’re home now.”

You walk into the kitchen and lean against the counter beside him. He’s got eggs in one pan and little sausage patties in the other. Not just cooking but multi tasking. Wow. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“I can get by.”

“It smells amazing.”

Shawn flips his eggs and looks over at you. “How do you like your eggs?”

“Over easy is fine. Soft yolks are fine but hard whites are a must.” You watch as he moves easily from pan to pan, checking the food before taking it out and serving it on two plates with toast he had already made.

“I saw Gauge yesterday.” Shawn says as he sits down with you at the dining table. “He brought his car into the shop.”

“Yeah? Still a piece of shit?”

“Yeah.” Shawn laughs around his toast. “He said he was looking for you.”

“What? Why?”

Shawn shrugs. “Dunno. I told him you left town years ago.”

You take a bite of sausage and sigh. “I know what he wants. He thinks he can get me back. He messaged me on Facebook a few weeks ago but I blocked him. He was on some bullshit about how he’s a new man.” You roll your eyes. “Like he was ever a ‘real man’. What a joke.”

“I know you aren’t really looking for anyone right now so I just wanted to steer him away, and he’s an asshole.”

“I’m not looking for anyone? Who said that?”

He pushes his remaining breakfast around on his plate and clears his throat. “N-no one said anything. I just sort of figured since you haven’t had anyone around since I moved in and stuff.”

“I haven’t had anyone around because you moved in. You’re hard to explain.”

He snorts.

“Come on. Seriously. Can you imagine going to a girl’s place and there’s this fit, tattooed and pierced guy living with her? Wouldn’t you be suspicious?”

“You have a point. So it’s my fault you haven’t been dating?”

“Well… Not completely.”

“Not completely?”

“It’s whatever.” You finish your food and take your plate to the sink. “Thank you for breakfast. It was really good.”

“Of course and…if you need to talk about…y'know stuff, I’m here.”

“Thanks Shawn.”

“Anytime.”

_____________________

“Do you remember that place we used to go camping with our families?” Shawn asks one day while helping you clean up the kitchen. It’s chore day and the two of you have been scouring the house top to bottom for hours.

“The spot at Summit Park?”

“Yeah! I couldn’t remember the name of the place. I had a dream about it last night. Do you remember when me and Zack caught that massive catfish up there?”

“Ohmygod yeah!” You rinse the sink and turn to face him. “I haven’t been there forever.”

“Let’s go then.” Shawn tosses his cleaning rag in the sink and peels his dirty shirt off over his head. Jesus Christ you could see him shirtless a thousand times and you’d never get used to it.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s fun. Let’s get out of the house, get away from town for a few hours. We need a break anyways.”

“Okay…yeah…let’s do it.” You head to your room to change into something that isn’t your old sweats and holey tee shirt.

You meet Shawn outside and you stop when you see he’s on his bike instead of waiting by your car. He’s even got an extra helmet sitting on the seat. Oh no. Oh hell no.

“Come on,” Shawn grins, patting the seat in front of him.

“No way.”

“Yes way.”

“I am not getting on that death trap with you.”

He climbs off and stands before you with your helmet tucked under his arm.  "When are you going to trust me?“

"When I lose my mind.”

“Oh come on.” He sets the helmet on your head and the buckles dangle beside your face. “You know I would never hurt you.”

“It’s so dangerous,” you eye the black and silver bike warily. “What if we crash?”

“Honey I’ve been driving this thing since I was eighteen. I think I know how to handle it. Besides, were just going to Summit. It’s all highway and dirt roads the whole way there.”

“There’s no seat belts.”

Shawn lifts your arms up and swings them a little. “Got'em right here. You hold onto to me.”

You groan. Part of you swore years ago you would never get on a motorcycle. They’re dangerous and unstable. There was something terrifying about driving at high speeds with no seat belts or enclosure that put you on edge. But there is also part of you that wants to do it because it’s Shawn. It’s Shawn and you actually do trust him.

“Okay.” You close your eyes and take a deep breath. “Lets go before I change my mind.”

Shawn smirks. “I knew I could get you to do it!”

You regret everything immediately. Shawn is a jerk. A complete jerk. The second the two of you get out on the seemingly endless highway that leaves town he kicks the bike into high gear and starts flying down the open road. You have to hold on for dear life as he approaches what you assume to be a hundred miles per hour.

You close your eyes, grip him like he’s all you have left in this world, and wait for it to end. You feel the bike jerk, Shawn changing lanes around a car no doubt and you make the mistake of opening your eyes. A red car passes in a blur and for some reason your brain convinces you to look forward in response. Regret. Big mistake.

Shawn is in the middle of a cluster of cars and trucks. He’s weaving in and out, not slowing down for a second. The back end of a semi approaches rapidly and you dig your nails into his jacket and let out a scream. As soon as you’re sure you’re going to become a human version of a fly splattered on the back of the semi’s doors; Shawn is turning, jetting over in front of a car and taking off, speeding up to whatever you assume is the bike’s max speed.

There are no other cars as far as you can see, just open road, trees and farmland. Shawn is laughing. You can feel it in your chest. He lets out a loud yell, tilting his head back and just hollering into the vast emptiness, adrenaline coursing through his veins no doubt.

Ten more minutes of rumbling, rushing, wind whistling agony and Shawn finally starts slowing down. He turns at the sign that says Summit Park and you can’t even yell at him. Not yet. You’re still reeling, heart pounding from his little stunt.

Shawn kills the bike and you stay frozen against his back. He puts his hands over yours and you just aren’t quite ready to unpeel yourself from him. Your hands are stiff, fingers dug into his jacket.

“We stopped.” He pats your hands. “Hey, you okay back there?”

“You’re a jerk,” you whisper into his back. “A huge, metric fuck ton of a jerk.”

He chuckles. “You lived though.”

“Barely.” You peel yourself away from him and he gets off, leaving you sitting on the bike. “I’m never riding with you again.”

“Why? Because you got a little scared?”

“Because you almost killed us! You were weaving in and out of traffic like a mainiac!”

“It was fun! I was completely in control the whole time. I thought you trusted me.”

You pull off your helmet and set it over the handles. “I trust you enough. That was…that was…you didn’t give me any warning.”

He steps forward and takes your hands. “I’m sorry.” He looks down and you can tell he’s serious. “I just thought it’d be fun to get you a little adrenaline high.”

“Just…warn me next time.”

A smile spreads across his face and he gives you that troublemaker look. “Next time huh?”

“Shut up.” You drop his hands and shove him a little.

“You liked it!”’ He wraps his arms around your waist and spins your around as you squeal. “No, you loved it didn’t you?” He sets you down and kisses your head, making your heart stop.

“You’re pushing it.”

“I’ll keep pushing it.” He purrs and steps away toward the camping area. “Come on, let’s go explore.”

You shake your head and follow after him. Sure you’d been scared to death but part of it was fun, the adrenaline rush was unlike any other. What was he doing to you? Ugh.

____________________

Shawn sits on the dock beside you and passes you a bottle. It’s definitely not water and you raise your eyebrows at him. “Really? Day drinking?”

“It’s just a little bit. You seem tense.”

“Have you already drank some?”

“Not yet.”

“You aren’t going to drink and drive.” You set the bottle on the opposite side of your lap out of his immediate reach. “I’m fine, and I’m not having any alcohol. Where’d you even have this?”

“In my bag on the back of the bike.”

You sigh.

“Come on.” He bumps against your side. “We don’t work tomorrow, we could just stay out here and get away from our boring lives for a few hours. I’ll rent a cabin for us.”

“But I didn’t bring any clothes? And what about food? We can’t just go camping impromptuly.”

Shawn reaches around your back and grabs the bottle. He opens it and takes a drink much to your protest. “We can if I can’t drive us home.”

“Shawn!”

He takes another drink and smirks at you.

“I can’t believe you.” You lay back on the dock and stare at the sky. “This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

“Nah, it’s not even in the top ten.” He sets the bottle down and gets up. “Stay here, I’m going to go to the ranger station and pay for a cabin.”

You close your eyes. How on earth did you manage to let him rope you into this situation? You never should have agreed to ride on that bike with him. Now you’re stuck out in the middle of nowhere on an impromptu camping trip. He was going to pay for this.  

A few hours pass and the sun begins to set on the lake. Shawn had gotten a cabin close to the water and some food from the ranger station. You forgot they had a little store in there for campers who forgot things. You and Shawn spent the majority of the last few hours hiking in the woods and looking for firewood while chatting about the good old days when your families and some other family friends would all come out twice a year for a week long camping trip. It’s not going as bad as you thought it would and you are actually having a good time reliving your youth.

You’ve gotten a fire started in the little pit outside the cabin and you and Shawn are sitting around it eating your pop tarts and trail mix he picked up. The sun is almost below the horizon and you can feel the temperature drop a bit. It’s chilly and Shawn comes over and puts his leather jacket around you.

“Remember the first time we kissed?” He asks as he sits on the log beside you.

“What?” You laugh, looking over at him. He looks so good in the glow of the fire light. It dances off his eyes and the ring in his lip. Fuck he looks incredible. “We’ve never kissed.”

“Oh yes we have. You don’t remember? It was here.”

“What are you talking about? How much of that bottle have you drank?”

He stokes the fire with the big stick you found earlier behind the cabin. “Wow. I’m hurt you don’t remember. It was probably the second to last time we all came up here. I think it was right before graduation.”

“When you snuck that bottle of jack daniels from your dad’s liquor cabinet?”

“Yeah, and all of us kids sat around the fire after our parents went to bed and passed it around.”

You laugh. “Yeah, that was the first time I ever had alcohol. God it was so gross.”

Shawn smiles at you. “You were only like sixteen right?”

“Yeah, almost seventeen. You were such a bad influence.”

“Hey, I just brought the booze. I didn’t make you drink. Anyway, we were all playing truth or dare remember?”

“Oh God yeah. I remember! That’s when Derek kissed me because I fessed up to never having been kissed!”

Shawn’s face falls. “It wasn’t Derek.”

“What? Yes it was. Derek was sitting next to me and you were over by Kelsey and Kaley and they were all over you because you had just gotten that tattoo on your forearm.”

“Yeah but when Derek got up to piss or something I came over and grabbed the bottle and sat down. And why do you remember that the girls were all over me? You jealous?”

“Fuck no.” You roll your eyes. You were at the time of course. “And I didn’t realize you came over.”

“Yeah I came over and we started truth or dare. You confessed to never having been kissed and like an idiot I said I’d fix that and you said okay and I kissed you. I shouldn’t have because you were really out of it and that was no way to have a first kiss.”

“I-” you shake your head. “That makes sense actually. Because I asked Derek about it a few weeks later and he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. I guess it wasn’t acting.”

“Yeah so…”

“So…now what?”

“We can get in the lake? Go for a swim? I’m not even remotely tired yet.”

“You’re out of your mind.” You look over at the calm waters of the lake in the cool evening air. “It’s too chilly for swimming. It’s nearly November.”

“Nah.” Shawn stands up and pulls his shirt over his head.  

“No, oh my God. You are not going out there!”

Shawn smirks. “The hell I ain’t. Are you coming with? Or are you a little chicken shit?”

“I am not a chicken shit!”

He pulls his belt off and tosses it aside, going for the fly of his jeans and getting them ready to push down. “Prove it.”

“No! I’m not getting in that water.”

“Chicken.” He tugs his jeans off and heads for the lake. His big form is illuminated by the soft moonlight and you can’t help but stare. How was it that he looked good in the dark? How was that a thing?

You follow him down to the dock and stand there with your arms crossed as he lowers himself onto the wood slats. “Go on, get in.”

He sticks his feet in. “Oh yeah, that’s chilly.”

“You aren’t gonna do it. Drop the tough guy act.”

“Oh I’m gonna do it.”

You roll your eyes and turn to go back to the cabin. “I’m going back to the campfire. If you need me I’ll be-”

Your foot catches a loose plank and suddenly you’re not on your feet and all you can see is darkness followed by cool water flooding into your nose and seeping into your bones. You surface, body cold as hell and you look around for Shawn.

“Are you okay?!”

You whip around, desperately treading water to stay afloat. “What the fuck am I supposed to wear to bed now?” You shout, as it’s the only thing that comes to mind after you register that you aren’t dying.

“I have spare clothes in my pack on the bike.” Shawn says as he gets closer. “I’m more worried about you. Are you okay? What happened?”

“One minute I was on the dock and then I tripped and here I am!”

Shawn gets closer and you grab on to his arm. “Easy, damn you’re gonna leave bruises.”

“I can’t stand up.” You kick your legs tiredly. You hadn’t been swimming in ages, you were not cut out for it. “It’s too deep.”

“Oh. Fuck.” Shawn grabs on to you and you float against him. He’s not moving which means he’s just standing on the bottom of the lake where it’s shallower. Must be nice.

“Can we just get out? It’s cold.”

“Yeah. Hold on to me.”

You wrap your legs around his waist and he puts one arm around your back as he heads for the shore. The water gets lower and lower as Shawn walks up the sandy shore line until you’re fully up on the land. He doesn’t put you down though, no, he just carries you effortlessly to the campfire.

“I’m f-freezing.” You double over in front of the fire and Shawn goes to his bike. He returns with a pair of boxers and a tank top.

“This Is all I have. Let’s go in and get you out of these clothes. I’m sure there’s a blanket in the cabin.”

The next hour or so you spend curled into Shawn while wearing his boxers and tank top with his leather jacket around you. The cabin had no blankets and only a large fold out camping cot to sleep on. It was no surprise though, the cabins are basically just a rustic shelter from the elements with a working sink and toilet.  

“I’m sorry I brought you out here.” Shawn says softly, petting your hair back. “You must be miserable.”

“No. It’s been an adventure.” You curl into his chest and he presses as closes as he can for you to get warm. “I know it sucks that I fell in and I’m cold now but it’s not your fault. You were just trying to get me to have some fun, do something totally different.”

“You’re really not mad?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Can I ask something totally unrelated?”

“Sure.”

“You said you don’t date because of me and other reasons. What’s the other reasons?”

You close your eyes and sigh softly. “I just don’t like dating to be honest. I’m over playing games with people. Phone tag, social media prowling, do you like me or don’t you? Hook up or more? I just want something stable, something permanent.”

“Something serious.”

“Yes. Exactly. Something serious. I’m ready to settle down, maybe have a kid before I’m too old.”

Shawn squeezes you tight. “I get that. I think I’m at that point too, wanting something serious that is.”

“Yeah.” You yawn. “Maybe someday we’ll figure it out.”

He chuckles and settles his hand in your hair. “Maybe.”

_____________________

A week has passed since the camping trip and you and Shawn have been spending a lot more time together. The two of you regularly eat dinner together, make each other breakfast and even go on jogs sometimes. So the night that some heavy storms roll in, you aren’t surprised that Shawn joins you on the couch when you can’t sleep.

“How’s it going?”

“Fine?” You look over at him and he puts his arm around your shoulders. “I just can’t sleep.”

“Are you still afraid of storms?”

“I’m not afraid.” You mumble, turning up the TV over the sound of thunder rumbling outside.

Shawn chuckles. “You’re definitely a little afraid of storms.”

“I just don’t like all the noise.”

“Uh huh.”

You lay your head on his shoulder and he runs his hand through your hair. The two of you sit in silence, watching the baking show rerun on TV.

“What’s it like?” You ask suddenly, brain wandering off and thinking about Shawn’s piercings.

“Hmm?”

“Your lip ring. Doesn’t it bother you when you talk or eat?”

“Not really.”

“No? I’d think it’d get in the way.”

Shawn turns your head to look at him and you swallow hard. “You want to know what it feels like, don’t you?”

“What? No?”

“Mmhmm. You were thinking about how it’d feel against your lips.” He leans in and you let out a little whimper. “You like to stare at my lips don’t you?”

“N-no.” You look down, his nose ring the only thing you can see he is so close. “I wasn’t…I don’t…”

Shawn presses his lips to yours and you close your eyes, balling your hands in the comforter on your lap. He pulls back just enough to talk. “Did it feel weird?”

You shake your head.

“Want me to do it again?”

You nod.

He leans back in and kisses you again, this time with a little more force. His hand finds its way into your hair and he licks at your lip. You give in and let him explore your mouth. He’s eager, tasting you and teasing his tongue against yours. He pulls your lip between his teeth you feel his lip ring bump against your bottom right fang tooth as he goes back in to stroke your tongue with his and you pull back.

“What’s wrong?” He purrs, eyes half lidded as he chases your lips with little barely touching kisses and nips.

“We can’t be doing this.”

“Says who?”

“Me. You’re…you’re not the type of guy I want to get involved with. I told you I’m looking for something serious.”

Shawn twists his fingers around in your hair, mouth still only centimeters from yours. “And I told you I am too. I’ll be your good boy.” He breathes into your mouth and bumps his nose with yours, eyes pleading. “Give me a chance?”

“I know you Shawn.”

“And I know you.” He presses his forehead to yours. “Please?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Shawn grins and toys with his lip ring with his tongue. “I’m gonna be a such a good boy for you. Just you wait.”

_____________________

Tuesday morning you find yourself in the backroom of the library where you work. Usually you work on the main floor but today you’re in the archives with some of the restoration crew. Your job is fairly simple, clean, dust, sort. That’s all. It’s extremely important though. Without a librarian like you, books would be everywhere and no one would be able to find anything.

You stand before one of the large metal shelves, returning books on ancient pharaohs that some researcher was using for his work. Some of the books are so old they have to be stored in air tight bags after each use to prevent further deterioration.

To your left you see something move. Just out of the corner of your eyes, a quick flash of darkness and then it’s gone. You figure it’s probably Kate looking for something.

You look back down at the book in your hands and sigh. Secrets of the Ancient Tomb of Cleopatra. You flip it open and suddenly there are hands covering your eyes.  

“Hello?!” You reach back, patting at the body behind you.

“Guess who,” Shawn purrs in your ear and you turn around.

“What’re you doing in here?!”

“Macy let me in.” He smirks. “I just gave her a smile and she was like putty in my hands.”

“Of course you did. Why are you here?”

He leans against the shelf opposite you. “I brought you some lunch.”

“You… brought me lunch?”

“Your favorite.” He grins. “Chicken parmesan from Alfredo’s Kitchen.”

You almost start drooling at the thought of it. It was seriously the best thing you had ever eaten but it was so expensive you rarely got to eat there. “You shouldn’t have.”

“Ah, c'mon.” He steps forward and cups your face in his hands. “It’s nice to get spoiled now and then.”

“You’re trying to sway me.” You narrow your eyes. “You’re buttering me up.”

“Maybe just a teensy bit?” He plays with his lip ring and you stare at it. “I don’t need to butter you up too much though do I?”

“Oh shut up.” You shove him back and he laughs. “Where’s this lunch then?”

“Up front with Macy.” He points to the doors to the main floor of the library. “And there’s another thing. Just something for you.”

You narrow your eyes and head for doors. He follows you out but when you get to the front desk to turn and say something he’s gone. On the desk there is a small floral arrangement of pink roses and little white flowers. The son of a bitch was playing with your heart strings now. He knew pink roses were your favorite, god, he was infuriating.

“You’re so lucky.” Macy sighs, face in the roses. “I wish I had a man like that.”

“He’s not my man.” You grab the take out box of food from Macy’s outstretched hands. “He’s…he’s complicated.”

“It always is with those types.”

“Macy.”

She laughs and sinks down in her chair. “Can I keep the roses on the desk?”

“Sure. I’m going to lunch.”

“I’ll let Kate know. Have fun!”

_____________________

“Pink roses huh?” You ask yourself as you open the front door carrying your vase of roses. Shawn was something else.

“Hey honey,” Shawn purrs as you walk into the kitchen. It’s smells incredible, like sauteed garlic and herbs.

“Are you seriously cooking dinner for me? And don’t call me honey.”

Shawn walks around the kitchen island and takes the roses, setting them aside before taking your hands in his. He’s got his glasses on, hair a mess, and he’s wearing your pink cat printed apron. It’s too cute.

“I’m making dinner for both of us, not just you.”

“Shawn. You don’t need to do all this just to get me to give you a chance.”

“You don’t like good boy Shawn?”

You roll your eyes. “I didn’t fall for good boy Shawn.”

His whole demeanor changes and he drops the good boy act, walking you back against the counter. “You fell for me huh?” He bites his lip as he looks you over. “You made your decision a long time ago, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t.”

“You did. Don’t lie, I know you.” He runs his hand up your side. “You’ve wanted me since you were a teenager.”

“Shut up.” You mumble, looking down but he tilts your chin up. “You’re the worst.”

He chuckles and leans in, nose bumping yours. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

You swallow thickly. He’s not. You’ve had it bad for him since you were about fourteen years old. He had it all. The looks, the attitude, an air of mystery and a bad boy reputation. He was exactly the kind of guy you didn’t need, but you wanted so bad. You’ve had it with good boys.

You run your hand up his tattoo covered arm and over his shoulder. “I…I wanna take it slow if we do this.”

“Yes ma'am.” He grins, leaning in and you pull your head back.

“I mean it.”

“I know. You call the shots.”

“Good. And one more thing-”

“You talk too much.” He grabs the hair at the base of your neck and brings you in for a heated kiss. It’s just as good if not better than the first one and he has you whimpering for him. Never did you think you would be coming undone in the hands of the one man you pined after forever.

______________________

Friday you get home early, walk into the house and drop your purse by the door. Shawn is home for sure, his boots are in the shoe tray. It’s unusual he’d be home before you, especially since you’re home early as it is.

“Shawn?” You call out as you wander toward the living room. “Did you come home ea-”

You get to the entryway of the kitchen to the living room and see Shawn. He’s pacing the living room and has his phone up to his ear.

“I can’t do that.” He stops and stares at the blank tv. “You know why I can’t.”

You lean against the wall and eavesdrop. It sounds like a pretty serious call.

“Yeah I remember. I’m not stopping by.” He starts pacing again. “You know why I don’t want to. It’ll look bad and I’m not about that anymore. I’m serious.”

You raise your eyebrows. What was going to look bad?

“Stacy, I know we talked about this.” He drops his voice. “I’m not doing that anymore. That’s final. We broke up a year ago, let it go. I’m moving on.” He shakes his head. “Yes I’m with her. No, you’re not going to change my mind.”

You feel a wave of jealousy washes over you and churn your stomach. He was on the phone with an ex girlfriend and it definitely sounds like she’s trying to get him to come over for a booty call. You don’t really want to hear anymore and you walk across the living room to go to your room.

Shawn turns as you cross the living room and calls out to you. You ignore him and go to your room, closing the door.

“Hey,” Shawn pushes your door open a minute later and you turn to face him.

“What?”

“I’m gonna go out for a few minutes. Are you alright? You seemed pissed or something.”

“I’m fine.” You quip. You can’t believe he’s actually going to go over to her house when he just said he wasn’t going to. Wow. Just wow. Your heart hurts, you thought he was better than this.

“What’s your problem?”

You cross your arms and let out a disgusted laugh. “Nothing.”

He crosses the room and stares you down. “No. What’s your problem?”

“Why would I have a problem? Go do whatever you’re going to do.”

“Oh cut the shit. You were listening to me weren’t you?”

You shrug. “I heard you on the phone. I dunno what’s going on.”

Shawn crosses his arms. “I’m not going over to Stacy’s if that’s what you think.”

“Okay? Not like I care. You’re an adult.”

“Oh my God you’re infuriating.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Let me clear the air here. Stacy and I used to be together. We broke up. Then it became this weird booty call thing but I am done with that. I’m done. I don’t want you to think I’m gonna sleep around while I’m interested in you. I’m not going to her place, I’m going to meet Casey and help him with his truck. Stacy called out of the blue as I was getting ready to leave, I swear I am not going anywhere near her.”

“Oh…I just…” You look down, ashamed you thought he would do that sort of thing when he’s been pursuing you for months now. God you look like a dick.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” He pockets his phone. “You really think I’d do that? I want to be with you. I swear.”

“I’m sorry.” You turn and look away, guilty for feeling like he’d do something like that. He comes up behind you, running his hands down your shoulders. He kisses the back of your neck and you feel weak in the knees.

“I only want you.” He holds your hips. “You’re all I think about.” He kisses across your shoulder.

“I must seem like a bitch.” You sigh. “We aren’t even together and I’m acting jealous and jumping to conclusions and making you out to be a jerk when you’re not.”

Shawn wraps his arms around you and pulls you against him, his tattooed arm heavy across your chest. “Insecurity is a bitch, and it’s okay, I forgive you. Four years ago I was much different and I can understand your hesitations. I’m trying to be better now because I want better. “

“I’m still sorry.”

He rubs your shoulder lovingly “And for the record, we’re not together yet,” he purrs, biting at your ear. “Not until you decide on what you want.”

“Yeah.” You lay your hands over his arm. “I’m kind of a tease aren’t I?”

“The best kind, so I don’t mind.” He kisses your jaw and you lean your head against him. “I have to go meet up with Casey now. I’ll talk to you later honey.”

“Don’t call me honey.”

He steps away and pauses in the doorway. “Sorry, you’re right. Not honey. I meant Princess.”

“Shawn!” You throw a pillow at him.

“Ugh! You’re right.” He grins and you narrow your eyes. “Babygirl.”

“GET OUT!”

He walks away cackling and you sink on to the bed. He is actually going to kill you with the pet names.

______________________

“Get up, I’m taking you somewhere.”

You roll over and look at the shirtless body on the bed beside you. God. He looks insanely hot. Why did he exist? How?

“I’m sleeping in.”

“Nope.” He pulls your blanket down and you try to grab it back. “Get up and shower. I’m taking you somewhere and it’s a surprise.”

“But it’s my birthday, I don’t want to go anywhere yet.”

Shawn growls and crawls over you, pinning you to the bed. Your heart picks up and your eyes go wide. He’s so big, so, so big. “Get up.”

“Or else what?”

He leans in close and you flick your tongue out against his lip ring to surprise him. He presses his mouth to yours and you break your arm free of his hold to grip his hair, pulling harshly and making him bite your lip. You moan into his mouth and he rolls his hips down against you as you bite back.

“As much as I’d kill to take this further, we actually need to leave.”

You stare at him, lips throbbing and damp. He plays with his tongue ring absently and you wanna kiss him again. “It’s my birthday. Can’t we do what I want?”

“Yes, but I actually have an appointment we need to be at in half an hour.”

“An appointment? What is this surprise?”

Shawn pushes up and kneels, straddling your hips. He’s obviously half hard and it’s very visible against his tight black boxer briefs. He’s obviously not shy about it either as he palms over it while talking. “It’s a surprise. Hurry up and get dressed.” He says and crawls off your bed, heading to his room to get dressed as well.  

Half an hour later and Shawn is walking you into a building, guiding you by your hands since as soon you left the house he insisted you wear a blindfold. Honestly you had no idea what his surprise could be until you step into the doors and hear a very familiar whirring noise.  

You push up the blind fold and you’re standing in the entryway to a tattoo and body piercing shop.

“No.”

“Oh come on. I haven’t even said what we’re doing!”

“No! Shawn! I’m not doing anything here.”

He rubs his thumbs over the backs of your hands in his. “You always said you wanted a rose tattoo. A pretty pink rose.”

“You…”

You huff. Of course he would remember the conversation he had with you after getting his first tattoo when you were sixteen. You said you’d get a rose one day, right on your back shoulder area. God. You were sixteen and dumb but you did still want it. “You little shit.”

“Come on.” He grins, biting his lip. “Be a bad girl for one hour.”

“I-” you look around the shop and it’s so nice. You’d feel horrible if you walked out and wasted the appointment Shawn set up. “You’re a bad influence.”

“I’m the best influence, and I’m paying.” He pulls you in and puts his arm around your shoulders. “Come on, I set you up with Olivia. She’s incredible.”

Ten minutes into your tattoo and you’re really feeling it. You were told once that the pain gets numb and becomes more annoying than anything else. That isn’t the case. Maybe you’re a weenie to pain. Maybe you are too nervous and it’s all in your head. Either way you’re crying and Shawn has just sat down in front of you.

“You okay?” Shawn asks softly, taking your hands.

You’re sitting facing the back of the chair, arms hung over the backs of the armrests and your chin on the headrest.

“It hurts.” You take a deep breath as Olivia wipes some blood off your shoulder. “I know it’s almost done though.”

“It’s not numb? Is it like raw feeling?”

“It’s more like I can feel everything and it’s like I’m getting poked by a bunch of thumb tacks. I think I’m focusing on it too much.”

Shawn leans over and Olivia pauses. “It’s beautiful honey.”

“Don’t call me honey.” You grit your teeth and he leans in, pressing his forehead against yours.

“You’re doing so good.” He smiles and you can’t help but smile back. Though you’re sure it’s more like a grimace. “I’m so proud of you. My bad girl, getting her first tattoo.”

“Only, tattoo.”

“That’s what I thought too.” He leans back as someone walks over. You turn and look at a guy in all black with a bunch of facial piercings.  

“I’m ready when you are.”

“Are you okay alone?” Shawn asks, cupping your face. “I can stay.”

“I’m fine. She’s almost done.”

Shawn pecks your lips and stands up. “Alright Casey, let’s do it.”

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“You’ll see.” He grins and Casey chuckles.

The two of them walk away and you watch them disappear into another sectioned off station. You’re suddenly more focused on Shawn then you are on your back. Before you know it Olivia is finished and bandaging you up.  

______________________

Your birthday party is insane. Somehow Shawn got together with Kate and Macy from work along with a few other friends and they rented a private room at the club. You’ve been drinking and celebrating and dancing for hours now and finally you’re ready to rest.

You see the perfect seat. A black denim clad lap calling your name. You walk over and stand in front of Shawn. He holds your hips and smiles. “I need a seat.”

“I’ve got one right here.” He glances down and you straddle him, hiking your dress up enough to sit comfortably.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. Happy.”

Shawn runs his hands up your sides and back down over your hips. His eyes have that hungry look you’ve seen a few times since he moved in. There was no doubt he was ready for that green light from you.

“Have you had any cake yet?”

“No.” You look over at a slice sitting next to you on the table. It was your favorite. Chocolate cake with whip cream frosting. “I should probably eat something.”

“Let me help you.” Shawn cuts a piece with his fork and holds it up for you. You bite the cake and he grins big. “More?”

“Mmmhmm.”

Shawn gives you bite after bite until you finish the slice. It’s oddly intimate, as if sitting on his lap wasn’t enough. “You got some frosting on your lip.”

You lick your lips and he shakes his head.

“Let me.”

He leans in and licks the corner of your mouth as he kisses you. The two of you make out lazily, hands in each other’s hair as you swallow the taste of each other’s kisses. Sweet, bitter, cinnamon and cream. Everything you’ve been doing shots of and everything he’s been sipping.

You roll your hips against him and he groans, teeth closed around your lip. You do it again and his head falls back.

“Are you giving me a lap dance?”

“Am I?” You put your arms on his shoulders and look down at his lolling head. You roll your body against his and he lets out another groan. He sure is sensitive tonight. “Tell me what you want.”

“You,” he rasps, fingers digging into your hips. “We need to get out of here.”

You lean in and press your lips to his ear. “Isn’t that a little bit wrong? The birthday girl leaving her own party?”

“Mmm, yeah. Ditching to fuck the bad boy. Such a bad girl.”

“That’s what you like right?” You giggle against his ear and he slides his hands over your ass, fingers toying with the thin lace trim of your panties.

“I also like sweet,” he bumps your jaw with his nose. “Good girls.” He kisses down your throat and you tilt your head back. “Who do just what I say.”

You let out a shuddery moan and he bites at your collar bones.

“Are you gonna be my good girl?”

“Y-yeah.”

“We should get going then.”

_____________________

You lay back and stare up at Shawn on the bed. He’s on his knees in front of you pulling his shirt off.  You’re already stripped down, a result of his skilled hands and urge to please, and you’ve got bites down your chest and stomach from him as well.  

Shawn tosses his shirt aside and your eyes go wide. He’s fit. That’s nothing new. But the little metal piece of jewelry in his nipple is new. Very new.  

“You are such a liar.” You smirk, sitting up in front of him. “You said you got a touch up today.”

He grins and bites his lip. “You like it?”

You run your hand up his chest and brush against the piercing gently with your thumb. He hisses and moans softly, the site is still very tender. “I’m not gonna lie, it’s hot. But why?”

“Lost a bet with Casey.” He moans again as you brush the little silver bar. “Fuck, you gotta go easy on me.”

You lean in and kiss his chest a few times around his pec. He watches you, hand in your hair as you flick your tongue out and barely touch the tender skin. That’s it for him.

He guides you back, crawling over you and taking your mouth with his. He’s careful of your back, making sure you’re comfortable as he explores your mouth, jaw, neck.  You’re so hot and turned on, you can’t get enough of him. You run your hands up his back, scratching gently as he rolls his hips against you.

“Shawn,” you arch up against him as he slides his hand between your legs. “Please.”

He lets out a little growl of pleasure as he teases you, mouth on your neck, driving you wild. “Easy honey,” he purrs against your ear. “I’m wanna take my time with you. It is your birthday after all.”

_____________________

Two months later

“God I’m so tired of this.”

You look over from the books you’re sorting and Macy is leant against the shelf in front of you. She looks like she’s in pain. “Macy? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’ve got horrible cramps this period.” She takes a deep breath. “Don’t you hate that?”

“Yeah.” You chuckle and go back to your sorting. Actually. You don’t remember your last period. “What’s today?”

“The twentieth?”

You stand up and place your books on the cart. “I’m going to take a lunch.”

Macy looks at you funny. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just hungry.” You walk out of the archives and across the main floor of the library. You were far from hungry. You were about to be sick.

The second you get home you dig into the medicine cabinet. There’s a pregnancy test in there from your old roommate and you take it out with shaking hands. You can’t remember your last period, or the one before that. The night of your birthday you can’t remember if you used protection. You have every time since, for sure. But that first night. You just can’t remember.

You hear the front door open and Shawn calls out your name. You had texted him, asking him to come home for lunch. He knows something is wrong because you never ask him to leave work.

“Honey?” He knocks on the bathroom door and you wash your hands, leaving the little white test stick on the counter as you open the door.

“Shawn…”

“What’s wrong?” He holds your face, checking over every inch of you. “Are you hurt? What ha-” He’s seen it. The stick on the counter.  

“We fucked up.”

“What…” He looks from you to the counter and back three times. “What?”

“Two lines.” You pull away and grab the test, holding it up for him to see.

Shawn takes the test with shaky hands and looks at the two very bright pink lines in the indicator window. “You’re pregnant.”

“At least two months, since my birthday. I can still go and-”

“I’m gonna be a dad.” Shawn says softly. He tosses the test at the counter and grabs your hips. “I’m going to be a dad!”

“What?” You shake your head. “You’re excited? This isn’t supposed to happen, we fucked up. This…I-”

Shawn smiles. “You said you wanted a kid. You said you wanted something serious, to settle down, right?”

“Y-yeah but I…we just…So soon?”

He cups your cheeks and stares at you lovingly. “I’m here for you. Whatever you decide. I’m ready. I’m ready to go all in if you are. I’m ready for a white picket fence with a dog in the yard and a baby on the way. We’re halfway there, we already have the house and the white picket fence.”

You holds his arms and he trembles, tears in his eyes. “You’re sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my whole life. We’ve known each other for years, I know we just got together recently, but I think this is how it’s supposed to be.” He leans in and bumps his nose with yours. “I’ve never been happier then I have been the last two months and I can’t see myself with anyone else.”

You laugh softly, and he kisses you.

“I love you.” He kisses again. “I love you and I want to marry you and have babies with you and spend every damn day with you.”

You wrap your arms around him and he holds your head to his chest. “I love you Shawn.” You close your eyes. “I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too honey.” He kisses the top of your head. “I can’t wait to start my life with you.”

“I think you already have.”

“Yeah.” He chuckles. “And I couldn’t ask for more.”

End

——-

Thank you so much for reading! Please reblog if you enjoyed it :) -A

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

[prairiedust]

Gimme Shelter livewatch under the cut.... I was on my phone when I wrote it so apologies for the typos

“Patchwork Community Center: Care Given to All” with a huge, lurid heart. Hmmm.... patchwork having two meanings here.....

Pastor (?) has 2 Timothy 2:22 tattooed on his arm! “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (NIV) Are we looking at growth and found family in this episode?!?

Oh that’s the alleyway!

Hitting mythology themes— Connor is an Anglicized version of an Irish name— Conchobar mac Nessa is maybe the most famous bearer of the name, from Irish mythology— he’s the king who lusted after Deirdre and had her locked up until she came of age, which is probably neither here nor there as far as this poor Connor is concerned...

That thing has a big lurid heart on his overalls better run lol— Oh shit it’s an evil Teddy Ruxpin!!!! Thanks Davy Perez!!!!

That’s the thing animal control uses to manage aggressive animals??? Is this saying something about the Patchwork people?

And that’s it for the cold open.

——

The uh, the mcfuckin what, the Camelot Palace Casino? Is this a tour of the legends of Ireland and Britain all of a sudden? What’s with hitting this theme so hard so fast?

Uh-oh the whole Highway to Heaven reference has me side-eyeing Dean’s suggestion for Cas snd Jack to leave the bunker... Dabb even “spoiled” that line in a tweet lol... in that show the cop and the angel got their (vague) assignments from the big guy.......

Oh SHIT “we’re standing in what I call ‘the trap zone’” Perez is coming for my whole life with this episode!!!! And they’re doing highkey “season one totally-normal Winchester investigation questions script” I love it!!!!

“Slasher flick” Oh we’re revisiting Mint Condition. This is fine.

AND TOMBSTONE THIS IS NOT FINE DAVY! We’re running the good times backwards what did I say about this being the flipside of Last Holiday!

H2H again but this time it’s sus... plus I’m with Zack, I totally want the cozy murder spinoff I imagined Adam and Michael doing plz

Oh the Cas and Jack dynamic here is so sweet.

Pastor just leaving his door open like there’s no such thing as a thief bless his heart. They must be torn up about Connor but Pastor was the last one to talk to him so he’s sus I don’t make the rules.

Oh no Red’s a THIEF!!! Who ever would have guessed. Okay I did NOT expect that jumpscare because of the way Connor’s murder primed me, that was masterfully done.

That’s vaguely an Ohio Star quilt square on the sign behind her except um I forget what that tilted square in the center turns it into? It’s chiming with something... I’ll have to look that up later.

“Divide and conquer” no never split up in a slasher movie that’s how you get murders use the buddy system!

Gonna stop a sec because I just realized that Zack is two-faced. The British dandy was an act. The killer is wearing a Cinderella mask. Ok I’m gonna make a prediction that Zack is actually the killer, a la the demon in Repo Man...

Okay there was definitely a beat after Dean said “Glad soneone’s taking charge” [ofHell] and the focus shifted to Sam. Hm.

“We’ve got to set her up for her own death” so meta, these writers are gonna shred us.

I love being shown how much Castiel has changed throughe Jack not understanding the Kool-Aid reference. And the cats line lol. That’s both amazing and poignant.

That’s a log cabin pattern in the cafeteria. Home. Makes me think back on other quilts we’ve seen this season and if “weaving” is the right metaphor for writing lol. I mean, the action of “patching” is synonymous with “mending” or even healing, but patchwork is also a craft with a long, long history in America (idk if quiltmaking is called patchwork everywhere) of taking a few often mismatched fabrics and cutting and sewing into something beautiful. There are generally two kinds of quilt tops— patterns, like we’ve seen so far in this season, which are carefully planned and involve precise measurements, and “crazy quilts” which also require skill but are often more freeform and piecemeal. But both aspire to be beautiful. That’s an interesting way to conceptualize a serial text... as both creating and mending....

That prayer was sweet and not at all what I was expecting.

I get the finger-cutting for Valerie (stealing=sticky fingers) but not for Connor? Tenuous connection still betw lying and writing? It’s evocative of Se7en but the killer seems to have the same MO for all the killings (I attended CSI for a while.)

Snow White is making me uneasy. Oh she’s the preacher’s daughter... we’ve seen that in early days, too.... oh.... oh....

It’s not the AV guy despite having seen all the AV equipment around Valerie. That’s too easy.

“A saint is a sinner who keeps trying-“ no scroll back, the important part was “we all have to take care of each other.” That’s a theme in the series.

She’s all in pink....

dean and amara on the same wavelength about food lol

Ha ha inversion of “oh you’re a fan of religion? name all seven gods then.”

Castiel’s testimony just wrecked me.

“Members serve the gift of food” hmmm the signs in this episode are tip-top

Gonna just watch for a while.

Oh crap “each is a finger” oh it’s about the sins of the father— No Cas no, you’ve fallen for the misdirection!

Oh okay good, Chuck’s not done snuffing worlds. That had me REALLY WORKED UP ha ha because Amara has no reason to lie right?

That was a really good conversation.... and implying that Former Death bent the truth...

Oh fuck I’m gonna cry “I wanted younto see that your mother was just a person” YES! DISMANTLE THIS MYTHOLOGY AMARA!!! Name it!

THE MYTH THAT YOU’D HELD ON TO FOR SO LONG did they just— THEY DID

rigging the game— ftfoh with the casino metaphors already we know the house always wins except when it doesn’t

Lying, lying, lying,

Do we even know Snow White’s name yet? And why was Connor a liar? Because I think we can make a guess at this point.... ah ha ha her name is sylvia— “forest spirit” she’s Mrs Butters— and she’s after hypocrites— but the killing isn’t supernatural, just churchy?

Oh shit SHE IS A DEAN MIRROR IF SHE STABS JACK I’LL FLIP A DAMN TABLE

....

....

prairiedust.exe has encountered an error and must be restarted

....

....

Okay so “Dad” steps in and stops Sylvia’s attack on Jack...

Why is that Zack? What????

“I’ve been lying to you” oh here we go

Oh it would be death #3, remember what Dabb said about threes a long time ago, two attempts that are unsuccessful and one that satisfies the parameters— but no he’s a jack :((((

I have to stop watching for a while.

Okay I finished it. Holy cats do I have some Thoughts about this episode.

What I loved: Revisiting Dean’s anger, BUT the parental mirror here (in retrospect, at least for me) was a John mirror-- all the mothers (exc for Rowena) in this episode are dead. And Pastor Joe didn’t apparently embrace his wife’s faith until she had died, and then his vision was radically different than his wife’s was-- much like John’s reasons for becoming a hunter were vastly different from Mary’s... but much like “patching” this subtext was possibly even more “healing” than having John back in the 300th ep... This was... looking at a child’s anger when they’re in the middle of their own family mythology. Am I implying that Dean’s anger is immaturity? Eh, it’s... unripeness. I have an old meta in my drafts about the heroine’s journey and why Mary’s story conformed to it while feeling totally unfulfilling in her actual character arc and I’m so glad I sat down and examined that rather than finish it. I have a lot I want to say about Cas’ testimony too, but that has to sit a while. ALSO also, Cas has already thrown away his shot by making the Empty deal, right?....

LANGUAGE! Cas saying “I found myself lost” is a bonkers sentence, right? It’s like when people say someone “turned up missing”-- AND it does not have the same meaning as “I realized I was lost”-- you get a double whammy of the connotation “to search for.” I loved loved loved how language was such a big deal in Last Holiday and then again here, I need to rewatch while paying closer attention to Sylvia and things she says... but these two were sister episodes in so many ways, that when I said there was a “lack of narrative mirrors” in Last Holiday, that’s only because the lens for that kind of reading is Gimme Shelter. That is not the first time spn has played with a “coin” or paired structure-- I think the first time I noticed it was Fan Fiction/Ask Jeeves but I was a transfer student from another fandom at the time lol. But of course, we get a huge truth bomb at the end of the episode, and again that splashy cymbal all over lying...

What I got wrong-- Zack wasn’t the killer but he’s fishy as hell-- he stole Sylvia! Is this part of Rowena’s “people generally end up where they deserve to be” except she’s built in an express lane? “Do you need a driver” is that his actual job now? Taking unripe souls to Hell Orientation? What’s up with him being there... the other shoe did not drop. So there is a third episode out there somewhere where this might get wrapped up? The conversation between Dean and Cas can easily be something that happens offscreen, and I don’t think that it would be the first time we miss an “important” conversation, especially since we know roughly what will be said and how it will wrap up-- it’s an “open text” of a sort. Maybe a fanfiction gap lol, I can’t wait for the codas.

Also, the fingers thing being Sylvia’s father’s favorite analogy is where she got her MO, something that I definitely didn’t see, although it fits right in with her father’s slightly pithy character. I think it’s interesting again how we’re playing with threes and fours. Three fingers got cut off but it was apparent that Valerie (valorious one) wouldn’t die until finger #4.... Jack really seems to be our last hope.

[billhaderlovebot]

vampire barry hcs.

@gazebros and i put together our collective genius again and created some self indulgent vampire hcs for our Babey.

after barry leaves the army, he's greeted by fuches.

a very old and very rude vampire who's never quite adapted to modern life as well as he thinks he has.

he turns barry himself, so that barry will have to do what he says. sire bond, and all that.

twilight wasn't lying about the excruciating pain stuff.

barry actually is pretty chill with being a vampire.

he's forgotten a lot of his time as a human, so he doesn't have much to compare it to.

he thinks it's cool that he doesn't have to sleep as much, and he can sleep for actual weeks at a time if he wants to.

the sunlight thing is a bummer.

he doesn't die, or anything, and he's usually okay if it's cloudy, but staying out too long in direct sunlight kinda hurts.

he's okay, apart from the whole, uh, blood sucking part.

he's okay with doing it to survive, but then he finds out what fuches really wants from him.

to kill for the sake of killing.

to get people out of the way.

and he has no choice.

he joins the acting class, he supposes, as an escape.

he hates how easy it is for him to kill.

he hates his own strength.

he's put his foot through the floor more than once while running down the stairs, late to class.

he's torn off the door and broken quite a few light switches, tearing them out of the ceiling.

he hates that he can sink his teeth into a human's throat as easily as if it were butter.

he hates that draining the life from someone is as effortless as it is. second nature.

he needs to be around humans, he finds.

he needs to remember that there's a reason for him being here.

not just to kill.

to live

and experience

and create a new life separate from the one he's forgotten so much about.

and in the acting class, he meets you.

and you're so wonderful.

you make him feel like he's alive.

his heart doesn't beat any longer, but he seems to forget about all that when he's with you.

and apparently, the thing about vampires being hopeless romantics is not a myth, because he falls for you so hard.

it doesn't take you long to figure out he's a vampire, either.

it was small things, really.

he was cold. and sometimes he didn't move for like... a solid hour.

also, um, his complete lack of reflection threw you.

but you were too far in love with him for it to bother you.

"so, were you waiting for me to ask you about your obvious vampirism?"

"huh?"

"barry, you're dead."

"oh. yeah. will you be my girlfriend, by the way?"

"fuck yeah."

the first time he kisses you, he ends up pushing you through the drywall of his apartment.

"holy shit, are you okay?"

"yeah, yeah, fine, i'm just... inside the wall."

"sorry."

"you're a good kisser."

you forget he's a vampire, sometimes.

when he's coming to stay at your house, and you go inside to make coffee or whatever, and notice that he hasn't come in with you.

he's just standing on the doorstep.

all polite and stuff.

just waiting.

in the rain.

"bear?"

"hm?"

"what are you-- oh!"

"yeah, you gotta invite me in."

"shit, sorry. come in."

"it's chill. wanna watch zack galifianakis?"

and then you spend the whole night debunking vampire myths.

it's 3am, and barry is ok because he doesn't need sleep for another few days.

you're sprawled on your bed, and he's running his fingers through your hair, and you're just staring up at him with The Biggest Heart Eyes.

and he knows he would do anything for you.

the human girl he fell in love with.

"your eyes are so beautiful."

that kinda stops him in his tracks.

"are they? i don't know what they look like."

"wait, you- don't you remember?"

"my human life is kinda... fuzzy? like trying to see through dirty water. and it's been about seven years since i've seen my own face. fuches burned all the pictures of me, all my records. took me off the grid."

and you lost your absolute Shit™

because that's fucked up.

because barry is the most beautiful man you've ever seen and he doesn't know what he looks like.

"they're blue. like, the softest blue. and kinda grey, too. and sometimes... when you laugh... you get these little eye crinkles-"

"im in love with you."

"that's the first time you've said that to me, barry."

"well, i am."

barry doesnt care much for how he looks, but he loves the way you describe him. so he lets you continue.

"your hair is brown. really... fluffy looking. i just want to touch it all the time, you really make shit hard for me."

he grins

"and my lips?"

"oh... soft."

"mhm."

and he kisses you so slow and soft and Your Heart Falls Out Of Your Ass.

barry is cold. he doesn't have blood. so. he's cold.

but he does feel it sometimes.

and there's not much he can do about it when he does.

"hi, i can't come to work today because my boyfriend doesn't generate body heat and hasn't slept in two weeks so i need to warm him up."

vampires don't sleep, my ass.

he's always falling asleep on your chest, or with his head in your lap listening to you talk about your day.

he can go without it for a long time, but he loves waking up next to you. he also just loves watching you sleep. listening to your breathing and your heartbeat. the rush of blood.

let's be real, sometimes he finds it hard to not, like, drink your blood.

but one feed and he's good for a couple weeks.

let's address the elephant in the room.

the sex thing.

y'all watch twilight and you're laughing because edward won't have sex with bella.

and barry completely has a straight face.

"no dude i could literally kill you."

"yeah, uh, that's never once stopped you."

breaking the bed Every Other Night.

his heightened senses and vampire awareness means he's So Good at sex.

his attitude to changing you is so relaxed.

he's kinda like. "yeah. if it happens, it happens. you get to be my girlfriend literally forever. that's pretty rad."

"so if you go at it too hard and snap my spine just change me quick."

neck kisses are his Thing.

they're so fucking hot.

vampire neck kisses? that's the dream.

barry can't eat garlic. it makes him sick.

apparently, he gives ZERO FUCKS.

he eats some of your homemade garlic bread and you spend half the night sat on the bathroom floor with him patting his back while he throws it up.

"barry, you stupid bitch."

he tried to drink animal blood once, too.

and again, he threw up.

"babe, i don't care if it's ethical, it's fucking disgusting."

he's always riled up when he comes home from a hit.

you can't be mad at him, because you know he doesn't have a choice.

it's considerably harder and more dangerous trying to calm down a vampire, though, so sometimes you sit there while he smashes things, and wait for him to finish so he can come and cry on you.

the circumstances under which he changes you are not pleasant.

fuches finds out about you. he finds out where barry has been hiding, and he beats you within an inch of your life.

and barry finds you in your apartment and he knows what happened.

you're beaten and broken and bloodied on the ground and he has to stop breathing because he can smell you and he could drain you right there if he doesn't watch himself.

and he's never been bothered about changing you but now it's happening.

now he's faced with your imminent death and he could very well lose you and he freezes up.

your eyes meet his frantically but he's not sure if you know he's there.

he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth, and he can taste the blood, and it almost pushes him over the edge.

he dips his head down to your neck, and the rush of blood he's become accustomed to is so much weaker.

your breathing is shallow.

"im sorry."

he knows this will hurt.

and it does. he has to take you somewhere, quick. because you scream until the screams don't sound like screams anymore.

he takes you to the same place fuches took him when he turned. it's a bunker, far enough away from anyone to rouse suspicion.

and he holds you to him while you writhe in pain and beg for him to kill you as the venom changes every cell in your body.

he can't do anything about it.

at some point, he doesn't know when,

you stop screaming.

you stop moving and breathing and he's worried that it hasn't worked.

that he's done it wrong.

but the change is visible.

your features are the same, but different.

your skin is as smooth as marble and almost as cold.

the way you move and speak and hold yourself is different.

but you're still you.

and you're alive.

and he kisses the remaining life from you as soon as you sit up.

"hello."

"hey, bear. that fuches guy is a bastard."

"i know."

"no, he really ripped into me."

"i know."

"thanks for not letting me die."

"no problem."

"i love you."

"i love you too."

though barry only has eight years of experience, it's still eight more than you have.

but you adapt to vampire life very easily.

somehow, you find your feet faster than he did.

"i think we should invest in a space heater."

"mhhm."

now that barry doesn't need to hold back, you have to retire to remote cabins for days at a time to fuck. because you don't get tired easily and you're very loud.

desks and walls and bedframes being literally obliterated.

really

at one point the bed falls through the floor

with the two of you on it

and you don't fucking notice.

you keep pretending to move countries to throw fuches off your trail.

it's kinda fun, setting up elaborate scent traps and making him think you're somewhere in europe when you've not actually left the state.

everyone at the acting class begins to wonder why the two of you look so good, but also so washed out.

"they're vampires, im telling you."

"shut the fuck up, man, what if they can hear us?"

y'all are so extra. drinking blood out of capri sun pouches and going out in the sun in huge sunhats and clout goggles.

going as stereotypical cloaked vampires for halloween and spending hours freaking people out in the hall of mirrors.

soft vampire love, guys.

y'all have napped for literal weeks at a time. just holding each other.

you just love each other so much.

let vampires be SOFT.

because you are.

barry just holds your face and looks at you. he's never going to be able to get over how fucking ethereal you are, even his heightened vampire sight can't take it in

"do you think that we're going to be this in love forever?"

"yeah."

"how are you sure?"

"because i can't function without you."

[alexandriteobscuraarchive]

((I know I did a brief post about this last night but I wanted to do a more in-depth one as well.

I truly love this character and it honestly surprises me that it's only been a year, it feels like I've had him for a lot longer, forever even. Danny is a character that reminds me why I love writing in the first place and the depth and nuance to his character is something that is not only moving, inspiring and challenging but also something I won't ever get tired of---especially when I manage to (somehow fuck if I know lol) get someone else interested in him on a deeper level too.

And there's no way I'm going to forget the people I write with; especially @killtool ! I owe the most to you, Zack, and I love both you and our interactions more than I can properly say. Talking with you ooc about AoD, it's characters, our analysis and theories, even something as simple as 'hey this song matches our characters!' is a huge delight to me and all of that combined with our fuckin amazing threads and other interactions (and yes, this absolutely applies to ALL of my AoD muses not just Danny. My Rachel wouldn't be the same without her Zack after all, and the dynamic between him and Gray is wonderful!) just makes me love everything all the more. You make me want to share anything new that I discover and with you being the first person to know whatever it may be, I love working off of and matching your enthusiasm and dedication. I know that my feelings of Danny always being a muse of mine is in part, a large part tbh, thanks to you. Thank you for writing with me and listening to me ramble about stuff over discord and if I've ever made you feel even half as inspired or energetic as you do me then I'm pretty much set for life.

Thank you to everyone that's enjoyed this character and also continues to do so! He's not the easiest character to write with but you've all worked really hard to see where I'm coming from with him (or perhaps have even given him a second look as far as canon stuff goes, be it the game, anime, etc) and I appreciate you immensely for that. I promise it's worth it and I'll do my utmost to keep this blog the fun, engaging place that it is! I feel like I've accomplished a lot (and for me personally that's a big thing to say) and that I've barely even scratched the surface.

Thank you again for enjoying this character and this blog and let's continue forward together~❤️💚 ))

[loverontheleft]

Ready to Leap (Chapter 49; The End)

AU with B as a band teacher and reader as an English teacher. Fluff and smut. Chapters 1-48 can be found on my Masterlist in my bio.

Brendon x reader.

Warnings: So...we’ve (@beautiful-tragic-fallout) created a points system for smut. Also! The new decade brought us new scale items. Enjoy. 😘

0.25 for handjob

0.25 for fingering

0.25 for masturbation

0.25-0.5 for (mild) cum-play

0.5 for blowing him

0.5 for going down on her

0.6 for cockwarming

0.75-1.0 for sex, vanilla

1.5-2.0 for sex, advanced positions

3.0 for bondage, spanking, other kinks, or public sex.

This chapter has a smut score of 1.75, and other warnings include language, dirty talk, minor angst, fluff, literary analysis, and...that’s all I think.

I’m tired and it’s over and done and I’m at peace with it. We had a good ride, y’all. My eternal thanks to @panicsinning for blessing me with this storyline, @beautiful-tragic-fallout for helping me with angst and letting me rant about plot points, @i-think-im-ready-to-go and @yagirlcammmm for always lending an ear when I needed to arbitrate an idea with myself, my patrons for encouraging me always and telling me I’m not crazy, and all of you readers for hanging in there with me through my emotional bullshit. Maybe one day I’ll do a redux of all of this and make it something better. For now though, I hope it’ll do.

-||-

“This is-“ you falter as you step into your home. “This is weird.” Brendon’s hand squeezes yours and you squeeze back reassuringly. “Not - I don’t think it’s a bad weird. Just a strange weird. Being back.” You take a shaky breath and turn to press your face to his chest.

“I know, Kitten,” he soothes, stroking your back. “I know. But it’s okay. We’re okay.” His lips find the top of your head and you steady yourself. “Do you want to go upstairs and I’ll bring the bags in?”

“I don’t - I don’t want to go up there alone,” you finally whimper. Your eyes are closed; you don’t know what seeing the wreckage of the nursery will do to you, but you don’t anticipate it will be anything good. He nods; you feel it rather than see it, and his hand moves in soft circles over your back. “Why don’t we both bring in bags and then we can go up together?”

“That,” Brendon murmurs, “is a great idea.” And with that, you both turn and head back to his car to retrieve the small amount of luggage you brought with you on your retreat. As you trudge up the stairs, he calls your name softly.

“Bren?” You meet his eyes and he looks uneasy. “What is it?”

“Zack and I - the day trip we took - we came back here and cleaned up the nursery.” He looks down at the floor. You’re silent. “I just wanted you to know before you got in there and saw it.”

“Okay.” Your voice is flat, unsure.

“We - renovated it.”

“You renovated it?” You repeat, still unclear on what he’s really saying. He nods. “What does that mean, you renovated it?”

“I-“ he falters. “We - you wanted a big walk-in closet, so-“ you’re afraid you understand now, so you cut him off by turning on your heel and pushing open the bedroom door. “Y/n-“

You ignore him and race to the nursery room door, shoving it open. The sob that forces its way out of your body sends you to your knees. You grope blindly, tears rolling. “All of her things-“ you gasp in anguish. “Where did you put all of her things?” You turn and stare at him, fury blazing in your eyes. “Where are her things?”

“Storage mostly. And- well. Some things got thrown away.”

“You-“ you’re broken, staring at the carpet. “Storage? Thrown away?”

“Y/n, please-“

“You put our baby’s things in storage like we’d forget about her? You threw her things away like she’s trash?” You’re on your feet now, hitting his chest as the sobs wrack your body. His hands wrap around your fists and he holds you tightly.

“Y/n, take a breath.” His voice is firm and his eyes are steady on yours. “Breathe.” You take a shaky breath and he nods, telling you to keep going. “I’m going to talk now,” he says. “All of her clothing and the larger furniture pieces are in the walk-in storage shed at the back of the property. The pieces of her crib got thrown away. I also threw away the diaper genie.”

“Why would you-“

“Because we don’t need a room dedicated to her to remember her. Because we love her and will always remember her and a room dedicated to our loss isn’t healthy.”

“But what if we-“

“Don’t,” Brendon says in a low voice. “Don’t, Y/n. I know what you’re thinking and the answer is no.” You feel crushed and he must read it on your face, so he amends his response. “I don’t mean no, we won’t have more children. I want a family with you, darling. I do. But I don’t think we should focus on that right now, regardless. But what I do mean is, even when or if we have a second child, no, we won’t use this room or those furniture pieces. Y/n, we both know we couldn’t stand to have them in this space, using that furniture.” You process this and he drops your wrists. “I know. I know it’s hard. But it’s the right thing to do. Do you still want to hit me?” He eyes you warily and you shake your head wearily.

“I’m just so tired.” You feel numb and you step back from him. “I’m going to take a nap.” He can hear the dull quality in your voice and he reaches for you. You pull away though, and, stripping your clothes off, crawl into the bed that now feels so foreign. You take another hesitant breath before turning to look at him. “You can come to bed too if you want.”

He takes the invitation graciously and crosses the room, shedding clothes as he goes. When he gets into the bed, you roll over and cling to your pillow. “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you sooner,” he whispers. “I should have prepared you. I just - I really loved seeing you so content on the car ride home and I didn’t want to -“

“I understand.” It takes a huge amount of effort for you to say those words, but you realize that you do mean them. “And it’s okay. I forgive you.” Those words are easier but just as true. “It’s just strange.”

“All of it is strange,” Brendon agrees, hesitantly scooting closer to you. “Can I - hold you?” You nod and he scoots even closer, pressing his face to your shoulder. “Get some rest. I love you.”

“I love you too,” you whisper, squeezing his hand. You mean that one too. You feel a sense of relief wash over you both. You’re going to be okay.

-||-

“Darlin,” Brendon groans, rolling over and burying his face in your neck. “I don’t want to get up.” He groans again and you sigh, flinging an arm over his body. “What’s on the to-do list for the day?”

You open one eye and squint at him in the early morning light. “B, you know nothing has changed. We’ve been home for - what? Three weeks now? And the stay at home order has been in effect for...two weeks and three days? You don’t have to get up, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Social distancing continues and we don’t need to do anything. We can lay here all day.”

“Mmmmmph,” he mumbles, nuzzling your shoulder. “Good. All I wanna do today is make you breakfast in bed, make you come a few times-“ he hesitates. “Is that okay?” His nuzzling of your skin becomes soft, warm kisses as you ponder. The sex has been varied like your mood - there are some days when you’re crawling up the wall for him, absolutely desperate for him to fuck you, and others when you just need to snuggle into his hoodie and turn off all the lights and sleep the days away. But his offer now-

“Uh huh,” you whisper, luxuriating in his embrace. “Yeah. You’ve been so good to me these past weeks - and I know no one could have expected this - but…you’ve made it pretty okay-” you fall silent. “So much for that New York trip, huh?”

“Yeah,” he agrees sleepily. “Don’t you worry though.” He yawns once, rolling onto his back and bringing you with him, curled into his side. “I’m still gonna take my Kitten on the best vacation when all of this is over.” You purr contentedly and kiss his chest. “I might go back to sleep for a while,” Brendon manages through another yawn. “Will you be okay?”

“Yup,” you say through your own yawn. “I’m gonna sleep more too.” You snuggle down into his arms and close your eyes. “Maybe we can finish the backyard when we get up?”

“Sounds good,” Brendon agrees, voice revealing that he’s fading fast. “Sleep well, love.”

-||-

You’re the first to crawl out of bed and you sigh contentedly as your feet hit the soft carpet. You shrug into one of your silk robes he left draped over the post by your head and, standing quietly, slip into the closet. You catch your breath the way you always do - your hand flying to your throat. You’d think you’d be used to it by now - her room, her nursery - gone. This gorgeous walk-in closet in its place. It is gorgeous, you concede, running your fingers along the glossy shelves as you pluck a pair of leggings from a pile. You wiggle them up your hips and, letting the robe drop, you cross to a different stack of sports bras and t-shirts.

You turn to the center of the room and let your gaze wander over the long table running the length of the room, covered in trays with your varied accessories and jewelry. Social distancing has caused you to par down your accessories, so you slip your engagement ring on (you always sleep with your wedding band on), and slide a pair of diamond studs into your ears.

Turning to a large 3-way mirror, you examine yourself. “Fine,” you say with a shrug. You grin when Brendon stumbles into view behind you, sweatpants slung low on his hips and bare chest still flushed from sleeping pressed against you. He comes up behind you and caresses your hips and pressing his mouth softly to your neck.

“You are fine,” he purrs, and you giggle, swatting at his ass playfully. “What?” He looks teasingly offended, and you roll your eyes. “You do! Fine as hell. My wife is fine as hell and I want to kiss her.” He nuzzles your neck longingly. You turn in his arms and embrace him eagerly. “I wanna do a lot more than kiss her,” he mumbles against your lips. “If she’ll let me.”

“Yeah,” you whisper, running your hands through his hair. “Yeah, I want you too.” He smiles once more and kisses down your neck. His hands slide up under your t-shirt and he gets it off of you with ease. It drops to the floor and he sets his attention next on your bra. He sheds that with just as much ease and his hands come up to cup your breasts.

“Look at my wife,” he murmurs in your ear. You meet his gaze in the mirror and take a sharp breath. “Look at my sexy wife. Topless and letting me feel her up, play with her nipples-“ he tugs at both gently, making you moan low in the back of your throat. “My wife is fucking gorgeous. Now to get these leggings off of her-“ he removes his hands from your breasts and slides your leggings down your thighs. “No panties?”

“No panties,” you confirm in a hoarse voice.

“What a good girl Kitten is for me,” Brendon groans, shedding his own sweatpants to stand behind you totally naked. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Uh huh,” you gasp as two of his fingers just barely trace your heat. “I did.” He grins and kisses your shoulder. You cry out as his fingers go deep, scissoring inside you. “Oh fuck, Brendon...”

“Brace yourself,” he says in a low voice. His eyes are dark and his lower lip is swollen from biting. You obediently place both hands on the mirror and he grasps your hips with one hand; the other is still working fervently between your thighs. “You want me?”

You nod. You can feel the slick head of his cock nudging the back of your thigh. “Please. I want you so badly.” You gasp when he pushes into you in one firm thrust - “oh fuck yes!” Your fingers claw at the mirror and you lift your head to watch him pant and moan behind you.

“So fucking tight,” he grunts, both hands on your hips. “So fucking tight.” Your legs are pressed together by your leggings that are only halfway down your thighs and he’s pushing hard against the resistance.

“Remember when-“ you gasp, throwing your head back and moaning as he goes deeper, “you fucked me in your office? And had me keep my legs together?”

“Yeah,” Brendon manages, smacking your ass and working harder. “Yeah, I do. That was so long ago.”

“It was,” you agree. “It was like- 39 chapters ago.” You meet his eyes in the mirror and he looks confused -brows furrowed, eyes narrowed. “Sorry - I mean - so many months ago. What? Somebody’s saying stuff. I don’t know.” You toss your hair back out of your face and push back against him for more. “Fuck me.”

“Absolutely,” Brendon says, hips slamming into yours. Your slip of the tongue is forgotten and you whine in pleasure as he drives you closer and closer to orgasm. “Look at us,” he says gruffly. “Look at us fucking. Look at you, taking me like this.” His voice alone is enough to send you over the edge; his cock throbbing inside of you is almost too much.

“I’m gonna come,” you whisper weakly. “Oh fuck me; I’m gonna come.” He smacks your ass once lightly and tells you that you’re exactly right, you are, and you groan and press into his touch. He reaches down in front of you and grazes your clit lightly- you scream and feel your entire body go rigid as your orgasm rips through you. “Oh fuck!”

“Fuck yes,” Brendon sighs in pleasure, gripping your hips once more as he comes, pushing hard into your tightening body. “God, I love you.” His words are staggered between thrusts and you murmur it back to him as your own climax pulses in time with his. “I fucking love you.” He kisses your cheek as he pulls out of you and you whimper, turning quickly and falling into his arms. “Commere, Kitten,” he soothes, lifting you off of your feet.

“Sleepy,” you mumble, nuzzling under his chin. “I’m sleepy now. I got ready for the day and then you came in and fucked all the energy out of me.” He laughs softly and kisses your forehead.

“I’m not sorry,” he teases as he places you on the bed and tugs your leggings all the way off. You giggle and shake your head and say you’re not sorry either. “Good,” Brendon says with a gentle smile. “Now you rest more. I’ll go see what I can do about making you breakfast in bed.”

“It’s noon,” you point out as you wiggle under the sheets and blankets. He grins at you from the doorway and you feel a rush of pleasure go through your body. Your husband is really gorgeous and kind and wonderful. It’s going to be a good day.

“Maybe so. But who are you gonna tell if I make you funfetti pancakes at noon on a Tuesday?” He cocks an eyebrow at you and you grin, shaking your head.

“That’s right. Absolutely no one.” Brendon smiles like he knew that’s what you were going to say, and with one soft blown kiss, he disappears towards the stairs.

-||-

“B?” You’re sprawled over the couch with your head in his lap while he drops bites of funfetti pancake into your mouth. You chew gratefully before nudging him lightly in the stomach. “B, you know what Thomas Foster says about meals?”

“Who?”

“He’s a professor of literature at University of Michigan.”

“You didn’t study at University of Michigan, did you?” Brendon looks at you curiously. You shake your head and he laughs. “Okay, I didn’t think so. You were saying?”

“Thomas Foster. He says anytime people share a meal, it’s communion.” You blink up at him and he laughs again, running his hand through your hair. “Why are you laughing?”

“Because this is my favorite kind of communion,” Brendon says playfully. “You, naked and sprawled on top of me.” He ruffles your hair affectionately. “I wish church was always like this.”

“Hush,” you say, laughing now too. “Not communion always in a religious sense. Just - building a community.” Brendon pauses as you let this sink in. He nods after a moment, passing you another piece of pancake.

“I like that. Building a community. You and me. Our own little community here in this space, one meal at a time.” He nods again, decisively. “This Foster guy sounds pretty smart. What else does he say?”

You grin, stretching and turning to kiss Brendon’s bare stomach. “He says everything is about sex.” Brendon’s eyes light up and you smirk. “Except sex.” His face falls and you burst out laughing.

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Brendon protests, lifting you up into his arms so you’re straddling his lap. “Let me prove him wrong.” He kisses you softly and you melt, pressing against him needily. “Let me prove him wrong.”

“Prove him wrong,” you murmur, running two fingers down his chest and kissing him back longingly. “Prove him wrong.”

-||-

“You know what else he says?” You’re drowsy, wrapped in the blanket Brendon tugged from the back of the couch and snuggled into his arms. You look up at him tenderly. “Foster, I mean.”

“What?” Brendon’s sleepy too, and he has every right to be, you think to yourself. He worked hard, making you come three times on his fingers before he’d even let himself feel you on his cock.

“He says that violence and death in literature, and ultimately life, have deeper purposes. Even if that purpose is just to make some commentary on the unnecessary cruelness of the world, that’s an important message for the audience. Life isn’t fluffy and wonderful and everything isn’t going to go our way all of the time. We will get knocked down and we will hurt and we will be sad. But it’s important. Especially when the people who suffer the most keep going. Keep moving forward.”

“And,” Brendon mumbles into your neck, fingers tracing over your stomach, “do you think that’s what we’re doing?” He hesitates. “Moving forward?”

You sigh and rest your hand over his. Both of you sit in the moment, heavy with the loss of your daughter. “Yes,” you say finally. “It is. We’re not moving on. But we are moving forward.” Brendon sighs now too, closing his eyes and wrapping his free arm around your waist.

“And we’ll be okay?” You can hear the fear in his voice. “I can’t lose you, Y/n. I can’t. I’ll struggle with you every goddamn day but please - I can’t lose you. Promise me you won’t give up.” The anxiety in his eyes causes you physical pain. You knew your breakdown hurt him, and you knew it scared him - he keeps going. “I said this the night I asked you to marry me- I know it’s scary and I know it’s a lot. I know it’s a leap, but...Y/n, I knew we could make it then and I know we can make it now. Will you keep holding on with me, keep moving forward with me?”

“Yes,” you say softly. “It is scary and it is a lot and it is a leap. But there’s no one else I’d rather keep moving forward with.” He smiles and you kiss him gently. “You won’t lose me. I can’t promise much but I can promise these three things: I’m yours. You won’t lose me. I’m ready. I was ready then and I’m ready now,” you tell him. “I will always be ready to leap with you into whatever our future holds.”

The End

[aweirdkindofyellow]

Here I Am, There You Are

Jack Barakat x OC 'Rachel has been best friends with Alex, Jack, Rian, and Zack since high school. What happens when one of them gets married?'

Part 1

I woke up the next morning with somebody else’s arms wrapped around me. Often when I woke up in new strange places, I needed some time to remind myself where the hell I was and what I was doing. This time, I didn’t need anything to remind me what had happened. Everything was as clear as day. I could still remember Jack acting all civil in the Uber, confusing the hell out of me again. It was like he was playing with my emotions for his own entertainment. But, back in the hotel, things flipped around yet again. We went up to his hotel room, which he had already been in the night before, making sure to bring all my belongings with us this time, and the rest was history. Shifting a little to get more comfortable, I managed to wake up Jack. At first, he just stirred a little, but then his breathing became louder, and eventually he let out a loud groan. As expected, he was probably experiencing a horrible hangover. That mixed in with being woken up by another person was the worst combination. “Huh?” Jack grumbled, seemingly needing those extra minutes to remember that he wasn’t in his own bed at home. “Morning.” “Morning,” I whispered back, turning around to face him. He did indeed look like he needed a couple more minutes to wake up, if not hours. So, I decided to let him take his time without me around to make him dizzy. “I’m going to take a shower, okay?” He gave me a thumbs up and I got out of bed. Taking my bag with my change of clothes, I slipped into the bathroom, blowing off the fact that I was fully naked. My reflection was horrifying. Not only was my (classified by agencies as) honey blonde hair, which had been full of product, sticking up weirdly as a reminder of the night before, but my makeup was smudged completely. I quickly closed the bathroom door before Jack could see, making sure to leave it ajar so he could run in if he suddenly felt nauseous. I worked through my hair with a brush first, knowing it would be a lost cause if I wettened it without detangling it. It was more work than when I actually did it in the first place. Next was trying to get off all that smudged eyeliner and mascara, which I was more prepared for and had makeup wipes for in my bag. As soon as I knew taking a shower would only help my situation, I moved to the shower and inspected the dials and handles. Once I finally figured it out and turned it on, there was a knock on the door. Not a knock on the door to the bathroom, a knock on the door to the hotel room. I froze in place, wondering who it was, and decided to listen in before I hopped in the inviting water. Jack groaned once again, but got up anyway. After a bit of fumbling and another knock at the door, he grumbled out an “I’m coming!” Although I couldn’t see the faces, I could recognize the other voices as well. “Hey, Jack,” Lisa greeted, concern coating her words. “Have you seen Rachel? I barely got to see her yesterday and apparently she didn’t check in either.” My eyes went wide. Did I have to make an appearance and announce that I was okay? But I looked horrible and was completely naked. There was no way I could just casually walk out and act like it was all normal. Even if I quickly wrapped a towel around myself or put on some clothes, the conversation would have already moved on. “No, sorry,” Jack replied, his voice rough and hoarse. “If I see her, I’ll tell her you were looking for her.” “Okay, thanks,” she sighed, both with relief and even more unease, “I just want to see her before we leave on our honeymoon, which is in like an hour.” “Is that your shower running?” Alex’s deep chuckle came from the same direction, making me take a few steps away from the bathroom door. “Yeah,” Jack simply said, the croak of the door telling me he opened it a bit more, but not enough to invite the guests in. “Woah, what happened in here?” Lisa wondered, sounding shocked. “Well, let’s see…” Jack clapped his hand together, making him flinch at the sound he had created himself. “The bed sheets are all crumpled up, my suit is spread across the room, there’s a dress on the floor that most definitely isn’t mine, and there’s a condom wrapper on the bedside table. I’m not really sure, actually.” “Dude,” Alex laughed yet again. “And you don’t even remember?” “I am so fucking hungover right now,” Jack answered, making my heart drop. His prior statement still made it sound like he was making a sarcastic joke, but this said otherwise. “Man, well, good luck with that.” I didn’t listen to the rest of their conversation. Instead, I did what I came here for, and that was to take a shower. All the negativity and bad feelings had to be washed away. I ignored the fact that Jack was in the room next to me as soon as I got out of the shower and dried myself off. It was difficult to do with him shuffling around, but he didn’t enter the bathroom once. I just changed and dried my hair, praying he would leave the room temporarily so I wouldn’t have to see him anymore. But that was too much to ask for. I came out of the bathroom holding my suitcase to find Jack sitting on the bed facing me while cradling his head. While I had enjoyed his presence a few minutes before, I sure as hell didn’t anymore. I now knew what he thought about last night, and I didn’t want to deal with that. Despite knowing how drunk and horny he was, I still managed to fall under his spell. And I had literally told him I wasn’t a girl that did one night stands that evening. “You can go, now,” I muttered, refusing to look at him although I could feel his gaze boring right through me. I could only imagine his surprise to find out he had slept with me. He nodded and silently got up before going into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, I threw my suitcase on the bed and opened it as quickly as possible. Since I was wearing the clothes and shoes I had brought along in it, I now had enough space to stuff my dress and heels in. I didn’t even bother to fold it nicely so it wouldn’t end up wrinkling. Even the underwear I couldn’t find from last night didn’t matter. I didn’t need those filthy things anyway. With the water still running in the bathroom, I sneaked out of the hotel room. I didn’t need to look back. I just had to go downstairs, get breakfast, maybe run into Lisa, and get back home. Just like that, I had managed to ruin my friendship with one of my best friends; all because I was so damn stupid. When I exited the elevator in the lobby, I saw Alex at the front desk with all of his large suitcases for his honeymoon. They needed to leave soon, and it was obvious they were all ready and excited to go. I didn’t know exactly where they were going, but I knew it was one of their favorite vacation spots. Lisa, however, was nowhere near, I walked past, ready to go into the food hall, only to be spotted by Alex. “Rachel!” he called out and speed walked up to me, leaving all of his bags at the front desk without close supervision. “Hey.” “Hey,” I smiled back, trying to push away all the things that had happened the day before, “I didn’t get to congratulate you yesterday. So, congratulations!” “Thanks.” He hugged me quickly, his eyes glancing in the direction of his belongings just to check. “Anyway, Lisa was worried about you. Apparently, you didn’t check in.” “Yeah…” I exhaled, knowing I couldn’t act like nothing had happened at all. “I sorta had a one night stand. Not really my thing, though. I’m never going to be doing that again.” “What? No way,” he shook his head in disbelief, but I shrugged to show him I wasn’t lying. “With who?” “Eh, I’m not sure. Kinda left before he woke up and didn’t really look back.” It was a lie, of course I knew it had been Jack. I remembered every little detail, even how he accidentally closed the door on my foot while we were making out. “Oh my god,” Alex laughed. “Stone cold, Rachel, stone cold!” If only he knew why I left so quickly, then he’d be saying that to somebody else. Jack would be in so much shit. Alex knew me way too well and knew I’d never willingly have a one night stand with anybody, stranger or friend. I nearly wanted to tell him just because Jack would be so dead. But I didn’t need to ruin Alex’s bliss. As soon as their honeymoon was over, I could mention it to him. “Anyway, I’m going to get some breakfast, okay? Tell Lisa I’m in there if she still wants to see me,” I brushed off his comment and dragged my suitcase behind me as I started to walk away. “Will do.” Alex gave me one single nod before returning to the front desk. Somehow, I managed to sneak into the buffet without having to tell the people my room number. Not checking in the night before could have seriously screwed me over this morning. Of course, I could have gotten back at Jack by telling them his room number, making sure he couldn’t get in anymore. But I wasn’t that petty, and there wasn’t even a reason to do so. Plus, the number wasn’t exactly something I knew. I got myself a bowl of yogurt and added some of the mixed fruit in it, picking up a banana and a spoon in the process. There was more than enough space for me to sit. All I really wanted was to sit by myself in a corner and regret all my life decisions. But then I made eye contact with one of my other best friends who had been in the wedding party. Rian flashed his teeth and beckoned for me to come over. He was sharing a large table with Zack, the plates at the empty spaces telling me they had had more company before. But I knew I couldn’t just ignore them now. So, I went up to them, struggling to hold my breakfast in one hand and drag my suitcase in the other hand over the carpeted floor. “Hey, guys,” I tried my best to give yet another believable smile as I put down my bowl and collapsed the handle. Before I could sit down, Rian rushed up to me and gave me a big hug, also not having seen me at the wedding reception. I hugged him back, still marveled at how much he had grown up. When I first met him, he was this chubby kid that wore shirts that were way too large for him. Now, he had gotten rid of that extra weight, replacing some of it with muscle, and his weird curly locks were gone. “How are you?” He asked me cheerfully as he broke the hug and pulled out the chair for me to sit on. Always the gentleman. “Yeah, pretty good...” I shrugged as he sat opposite of me and Zack. “No headache?” Zack poked with a wink. “Or did you cradle that glass of water for hours as well?” I punched him lightly, picking up my spoon so I could start eating. “I’ll have you know I had six more drinks after that water!” Were they also glasses of water? Yes, they were. Did Zack need to know? What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. This way, if anybody found out about my little mishap with Jack, I could still say I had six drinks after the guys tried to get some life in me. “Going hard, aren’t ya?” He laughed, letting me eat my bowl of yogurt. What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was that Jack was also going to get some breakfast. Of course it was stupid of me to think that he would just stay up in his room forever and I would never have to see him again. Lucky for me, though, I spotted him at the buffet beforehand, so I could at least shield myself mentally. Somehow, he joined our table just as Lisa came bouncing in to talk to me. There was still a permanent grin plastered on her face, the weight of her ring on her finger making her feel beautiful and important. And she was. Who wouldn’t feel that way after their wedding? She was still the one person everybody admired. Jack sat down across from Zack, the furthest away from me as possible. While it was the only seat left for him without him being excluded from the group, I still was more than grateful that he decided to sit so far away from me. I didn’t need his menacing glare to be worse than it already was. I really was trying to look anywhere but at him, but it was very difficult knowing that he was staring right at me with disgust. “Holy fuck, Jack,” Rian burst out, remembering something and leaning forward, hitting his hand against the table to get everybody’s attention. “I don’t know who you were with last night, but you were being fucking loud!” I continued to look down at my yogurt, hoping a blush wouldn’t spread across my cheeks. None of the guys really seemed to take any mind, they were more interested in whatever Jack had been doing. Jack just stared back at them, his eyes flickering between his friends. At least it meant his attention was no longer on me. “You know,” Lisa interjected, standing at my end of the table, “Rachel had a one night stand as well.” My silence was short lived. Everybody’s eyes fell on me now, shock stiffening their entire bodies. They all knew that I wasn’t the one to just sleep with a person and never look back. I had always been in some sort of relationship. Jack, however, didn’t flinch. He just continued to stuff a piece of waffle in his mouth, not even bothering to look in my direction. “Okay, stop judging me.” I raised my hands up in defense, in turn dropping my spoon in the yogurt and swallowing what was in my mouth. “I’m never going to do it again. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Literally, it sucked so bad. I was lucky I could sneak out of there; didn’t want to give him a fright since he couldn’t remember a thing. But, hey, I can take it off my bucket list now and hope I’m never faced with it again.” “Now, why would you say that?” Jack frowned, cocking his head to the side. Of course he had to get all defensive without giving away that both our sexcapedes happened to be the same one. I shrugged, leaning back in my chair. “Maybe you enjoy them, but I don’t. Not really my problem, just a preference.” “Okay, well, I’ve got to get going,” Lisa once again interrupted, luckily before this rivalry between me and Jack could blow up to something that didn’t just seem like him feeling I offended his ways. “But I’m glad to know you’re okay.” “Yeah, I’m so sorry I kind of disappeared on you,” I told her and got up from the chair. I hugged her tightly, swaying the both of us slightly, making this my most heartfelt hug the entire morning. I still couldn’t believe I had let myself be such a party pooper, and I really was sorry for it all. “Have fun on your honeymoon.” With that, Lisa said goodbye to everybody else, giving us all one last wave, her fingers closing up and down while the palm and thumb stayed in place. At least I still got to congratulate the bride and groom and didn’t have to feel guilty for the rest of my life. They probably didn’t even realize that I didn’t come up to them during the reception because of my own selfish reasons, not because they were so busy and having fun. I sighed, taking my last bite of watermelon and pushing my bowl forward a couple of inches. “I’ve also gotta get going. But it was really nice to see you guys again.” “Awe,” Rian pouted while Jack looked at me with wide eyes, “can’t you hang out with us a little longer? We haven’t even been able to catch up yet.” “I’m sorry, guys, but I’ve got a flight to catch.” I twitched my lips to give a sorry smile and started shuffling my chair back again. “But if you ever pass through LA, whether it be on tour or for personal reasons, contact me.” I did manage to get them to let me leave. Zack and Rian both gave me very nice goodbyes while Jack just looked around in panic. I really had to hold back my eye roll until I walked away. It wouldn’t be Jack if he hadn’t forgotten that we both lived in LA, actually quite close to each other. There was quite a large chance that we could run in. And now he suddenly realized his plan of fucking me and leaving me alone wasn’t going to work. I waited around in the lobby, feeling weird that I could just walk away without checking out and paying. All I needed to do was order an Uber, wait a little longer, and then I’d be off. Soon, the whole memory of last night would be very distant and it wouldn’t matter anymore. “Rach, wait!” Jack came jogging up to me from the food hall, his own phone in his hands. There was no way he had already finished his breakfast at the rate he had been picking at that waffle. He must have ran out after me. “What?” I exhaled, waiting for my phone to connect since it had died but had received a second life from my power-bank. “I, umm…” he breathed heavily, scanning my face with his eyes. “You, umm, you never gave me any Advil.” “Excuse me?” I scoffed. Did he really think I now owed him more than just my body? He was a fucking asshole. “No, no,” he shook his head, going to grab my arms but deciding better of it, “you promised to have Advil and sparkling water for me, remember?” I frowned. Yes, I could remember joking that I’d have it ready for him in the morning after our first kiss. But what did it matter now? It was an empty promise, just like that kiss had been. Was he trying to prove that he could actually remember last night? But then why would he tell everybody he couldn’t even remember coming back to his hotel room? There was something really screwed up about him. “Seems like things don’t always go as planned,” I shrugged, pleased to see my phone had service again and I could get that Uber to save me from this situation. “Rach, no, please,” he begged, his pleading eyes looking at the screen of my phone as I went to the app. “What do you want from me?” I asked, fed up with him, as I turned off my phone so we could finish this conversation. It wasn’t like I wanted to talk to him, but the rage in me was only going to ruin my day even further, I had to let it out. “Are you now trying to tell me that you can remember last night but are an asshole who acts like nothing happened? I told you I was not up for a one night stand, not ever, but you manipulated me. You saw that thong and just went for it.” “No, that wasn’t-- I-- Rach… You were saying how insecure you were. I couldn’t just--” “So you took advantage of me?” I gasped, shaking my head at him and unlocking my phone once again. “You knew I wasn’t in the right mind to say no to anything. Getting with insecure girls is easy, isn’t it?” “No!” he continued to deny, taking my phone out of my hands and stuffing it in his back pocket, knowing I wouldn’t reach in to grab it. “When I told you I had a crush on you in high school, I wasn’t kidding. I just never had the guts to pursue it because I thought you were way out of my league. You dated all the jocks and Alex, apparently. I didn’t have any chance. I forgot about it. But I felt horrible knowing you were so insecure about relationships. It made me wonder if I could maybe fix that and be that guy who didn’t just want to use you as a one night stand. But I panicked and Zack was the first person I saw. So, yeah, I may have been a bit over my head. Actually, I’m sure of it. I would have never kissed you if I didn’t have a little liquid courage. So, I don’t know where I went wrong, but I really didn’t intend for it to come over like this.” As moving as his speech was, pulling at my heartstrings, I still couldn’t just forgive him like that. “You just acted like you didn’t know what happened. You spoke about it like some routine. And now you’re trying to tell me it meant more to you? Do you hear how hard that sounds to believe?” I crossed my arms and held my hand out to get my phone back. “But, Rach, you’re the one that disappeared. You walked out on me. How do you think that made me feel?” He shook his head, refusing to give my phone back. “Because you told Alex and Lisa that you hadn’t seen me and described the events like it was just another morning for you!” I wailed, just wanting to get my phone back so I could leave. How people around us weren’t looking at us strangely, I don’t know. But I was done with it. “What, did you want me to tell them that we slept together?” He finally gave my phone back, harshly pushing it in my hand, causing me to immediately order that Uber without hesitation this time. “Cause I wasn’t just going to do that without knowing how you felt about it. What if you didn’t want anybody to know? What if I acted all happy about what happened just to find out you couldn’t care less? I didn’t need them to know I got my heart broken on their wedding night.” “Then why are you coming with this now? Why not earlier?” I sighed. I was starting to feel for him. I also wouldn’t have wanted to boast about it, just to find out Jack couldn’t remember a thing. But still, it wasn’t okay. “We’ve been friends for over ten years, nearly fifteen, and you never thought to say anything? Hell, if you said something this morning when we woke up, it would have been enough for me.” “Then what are we fighting about? Miscommunication? Cause that is a shitty thing to fight about if we both want the same thing out of this.” I froze. There was no good come back to that. Jack was right. Here we were, fighting with each other because we were both upset about the same thing. We both thought the other didn’t care, but wanted them to. We wanted it so bad that we were blaming each other instead of noticing that we also didn’t do anything ourselves. Jack could have told me all of this years ago, and it wouldn’t have done anything. Maybe it would have compromised our friendship, because I hadn’t ever thought about him like this. Last night, though, I couldn’t help but see him in a new light. Jack unearthed his feelings that he had managed to hide in high school, and I didn’t need to look for a stranger that would understand me and treat me right, I already had that person in front of me. It was a lot more simple that we made it out to seem. Jack must have noticed my silence. Just like the night before, he sneaked his right hand up to cup my left cheek. He lightly stroked my skin with his thumb, waiting for me to push him away. But I couldn’t. I was awaiting him, looking right into his eyes and hoping it was enough of an apology. He tried to send the same message back to me, eventually causing our lips to be pressed up against each other again. His scruff felt the same way as the night before, but he smelled way better. There was no overabundance of cologne and sweat, it was just soap and deodorant. It calmed my nerves. This time, we were broken apart by my phone buzzing. Jack sighed as I pulled away and took out my phone, disappointed to see that it was my Uber driver telling me he was right outside. I had hoped it would have been my savior, but now it was just the end before we reached the happy ending. “Text me when you’re back in LA, alright?” I asked him after texting the driver that I’d be out in a minute. “Okay,” he nodded, glancing out the window and at the black car that was waiting for me, before giving me a sad look. I grabbed his chin with one hand, my thumb on the left side of his face and my fingers on the other side. I carefully tilted his head down and kissed him briefly before taking hold of my suitcase’s handle and walking out of the hotel to go back home.

[dobie2112]

I Guess We’re Done

Day 5 promt: Fight

Book: The Sophomore

Characters: Kaitlyn Liao / MC (Brenda) / Becca Davenport with a tiny bit of Zack and Tyler   

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine

Summary: Kaitlyn is not happy to find out about MC (Brenda) and Becca

tagging @choices-september-challenge

     Kaitlyn smiled as she walked towards the living room. Today was the day! She was finally going to ask Brenda to go out with her again. It had been long enough since they had broken up and the issues that had caused the break up were no longer a factor. She had been hanging out a lot more with Brenda and the tension of their break up was pretty much gone.

     Kaitlyn had made huge mistakes in her previous relationship with Brenda, but she was going to make up for it. She was just happy that Brenda hadn’t started dating anyone else. She barely even noticed Zack and Tyler playing video games on the couch, lost in her thoughts of how great it would be once she and Brenda got back together.

     “These walls are so thin!” Zack laughed, nudging Tyler with his elbow. “I could totally hear everything when Brenda and Becca were having sex last night!”

     “What?” Kaitlyn rounded on Zack. “Tell me you’re joking!”

     Zack looked to Tyler for help.

     “You’re on your own, man” Tyler said. “I wasn’t even here last night.”

     Zack just shrugged his shoulders at Kaitlyn.

     Kaitlyn stormed into Brenda’s room without even knocking. She was insanely jealous, maybe she didn’t have the right to be, but she was. Brenda and Becca, she thought, tasting the bile at the back of her throat. It didn’t even sound like a couple. It sounded like a stupid kids television show or something.

     “Something wrong?” Brenda asked, looking up from the article she was writing. 

     “How long?” was all Kaitlyn could manage to get out.

     Brenda looked at Kaitlyn, puzzled. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

     Kaitlyn balled her fists at her sides. Was Brenda playing with her or did she really not know what Kaitlyn meant?

     “How long have you been fucking Becca?” Kaitlyn spat. “Is that specific enough for you?”

     Brenda stood up and walked over to the window, pressing her forehead against the glass. Apparently she and Becca hadn’t been as discreet as they’d thought. She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous. What did it matter to Kaitlyn who she was seeing? It’s not like she and Kaitlyn were dating anymore and everything with Becca started after they had broken up.

     “Answer me!” Kaitlyn growled.

     “Umm...towards the end of Freshman year...umm...how do you know about that?” Brenda asked, still not looking at Kaitlyn.

     “So it’s true!” Kaitlyn said with disgust.”You and Becca! Ugh! How long did you wait after we broke up until you started fucking her? Or did you not wait until we broke up?”

     Brenda turned away from the window and looked Kaitlyn straight in the eyes. All traces of nervousness now gone. “How dare you!” Brenda said, angrily. “Becca had nothing to do with our break up.You were too busy with your band and sneaking around with Natasha to have any time for me! Remember?”

     Kaitlyn remembered all too well. She had made several huge mistakes, but she was ready to be a great girlfriend now. She wanted Brenda back desperately, but how was that going to happen if Brenda and Becca were together?

     “We’ve been broken up for awhile now, Kaitlyn.” Brenda stated. “Why are you acting like I’m cheating on you?”

     Kaitlyn didn’t respond for awhile. She knew she was going about this all wrong. She knew this wasn’t the way to get Brenda back, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “So, that’s what you’re into, huh? Kaitlyn scoffed. “Girls that treat everyone else like shit?”

     “I was into you for awhile.” Brenda countered. “You tell me!”

     “What could you possibly see in Becca, besides the fact that she’s hot? I mean I’ll give you that much, but jeez!”

     “Shut up, Kaitlyn! You don’t know a damn thing about Becca.”

     “I see how she treats people, even you! I just can’t wrap my head around how the two of you possibly got together.”

     Brenda couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. “Actually, you have yourself to thank for that,” Brenda cried. “After you blew up at me outside after the riot at your show, I couldn’t face going back to the house just then. I couldn’t believe the things you said to me when it wasn’t even my fault!”

     “I apologized for that!” Kaitlyn interrupted.

     “Not that night you didn’t! I went for a walk and ended up at some bar. I ran into Becca, who was having an incredibly bad night as well. We talked and I found out she’s really not that bad once you get past her walls. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but then it wasn’t.”

     Brenda sat on the edge of her bed. “Why now? You don’t want me seeing anyone or you don’t want me seeing Becca?”

     I don’t want you seeing anyone but me, Kaitlyn thought, but what she said was “Becca’s a bitch! She’s mean to everyone and she’ll just end up hurting you!” Kaitlyn was crying now too.

     “Even if she does, do you think it will be worse than how much you hurt me?” Brenda snapped.

     Kaitlyn put her head in her hands. Everything was her own fault. The reason that she and Brenda broke up. The reason that Brenda and Becca were together now. There had to be something she could do. “You and Becca have been together for awhile now, right?”

     “Yeah, so?”

     “You haven’t told anyone. Why is that?” Kaitlyn asked, seizing on something that could possibly drive a wedge between Brenda and Becca.

     “Becca thought we should keep our relationship a secret for now.” Brenda explained. 

     “For this long?” Kaitlyn pressed. “See! She’s still treating you like shit! Making you sneak around! Ashamed someone might see the two of you together!”

     “Becca treats me like a damn princess...when we’re alone.” Brenda said, a little sad that Kaitlyn might have a point.

     “Liao!” Becca yelled from the doorway. Both Brenda’s and Kaitlyn’s heads snapped toward the sound of Becca’s voice. Neither of them knew how long Becca had been there.

     “You blew your chance.” Becca said, walking over and taking Brenda in her arms. “Now back off!”

     “Stay out of this Becca!” Kaitlyn warned.

     “Stay out of it? This whole fight is about me. How am I supposed to stay out of it?” Becca held Brenda lovingly, gazing into her eyes. “I want you to know that I don’t care who knows about us. I am NOT ashamed of our relationship despite what Liao was telling you.”

     Becca turned to Kaitlyn, surprisingly sympathetic. “If you must know, the reason I wanted to keep things secret is because I know you still have feelings for Brenda. We all live in the same house and I didn’t want you to feel like we were rubbing it in your face. But to be honest, your happiness is not my responsibility.”

   Becca let go of Brenda and walked over to Kaitlyn, pointing her index finger an inch from Kaitlyn’s face. “I’ll let it slide this once, but believe this Liao, if you ever try to make Brenda think that I don’t love her again, you and I are going to have a serious problem.”

     Did Becca really just say that? Brenda thought, smiling to herself. Did she really just say that she loves me? Forgetting Kaitlyn for a moment, Brenda rushed over to Becca and kissed her passionately. Becca returned the kiss with as much passion.

     “I think we’re done here, Liao.” Becca said, pointing to the door.

     Kaitlyn could see the love in both Brenda and Becca’s eyes as they looked at each other. “Yeah.” Kaitlyn said, leaving the room with tears running down her face. Brenda loved Becca now and it was her own fault. “I guess we’re done.”

[banshee-cheekbones]

"why haven't you kissed me yet" for shyan!

thanks to the lovely people over at the bfu writers’ discord, this spiraled into a 5.7k monster, and the title just about sums it up. 

relevant notes: contains lots of drinking, background Standrew, lots of fluff, and making out in a closet. 

on ao3 here.

BuzzFeed Presents: We Got Drunk and Played Three Typical American Party Games.

Ryan has worked at BuzzFeed long enough to learn that, across the board, when someone is about to ask you to participate in a video that could be potentially embarrassing or particularly ludicrous, they get a certain glint in their eye, some mixture of guilt and amusement.

He doesn’t know what it says about their workplace culture that he can recognize such a glint from across the room, but ten minutes after he sits down at his desk on a Monday morning, when he looks up to see Zack strolling towards him, he immediately knows that something is up.

“Ryan!” he says, perching on the very edge of Ryan’s desk. “How’s it going?”

“Just tell me what you want,” Ryan answers, leaning back in his chair. He hasn’t even finished his first coffee yet; it’s entirely too damn early for this. To his credit, Zack takes it in stride, simply shrugs and continues.

“How would you like to spend a few hours drinking on the company’s dime?”

Ryan has to admit, that does sound intriguing, but that being said, there has to be some kind of weird twist, some angle at work, so he doesn’t allow himself to get sucked in quite yet.

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch. Not really, at least. It’s not going to cost any more than a few hours of your time, and maybe a little bit of your dignity.” He trails off a little on the last words and at least has the decency to look somewhat embarrassed, a trait that Ryan thought had already been successfully bred out of most of the people he works with.

Before he can answer, Shane pipes up beside him.

“What dignity? Ryan lost all of his two seasons ago.”

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan retorts, smacking Shane on the forearm. To Zack, he says, “Because of that comment, I’ll only do it if Shane comes with me.”

“Fine by me,” Zack says with another shrug. “Shane, you in?” Ryan twists in his chair to face Shane, who is frozen in the middle of sipping his coffee, eyes comically wide behind his clear-framed glasses. After a moment, he finishes his sip and nods, wipes coffee film from his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Sure. Why not.”

“Awesome!” Zack says as he pushes himself off the edge of Ryan’s desk. “I’ve got six more people to recruit, so I’ll come grab you guys around noon, alright?” Without waiting for an answer, he ambles off, and it’s only as he turns down a hallway and disappears from sight that Ryan realizes he doesn’t know what the actual concept for the video is.

“Damn it,” he groans, turning back to his computer and downing the rest of his own coffee. “What the fuck did I just agree to do?”

“What did we just agree to?” Shane retorts, jabbing him in the side with one finger. “You’ve dragged me down to your level, Ryan. Again.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Ryan asks, narrowing his eyes and spinning in his chair until his feet bump into Shane’s shin. Shane just stares at him, face expressionless, and eventually, realization clicks in Ryan’s head. “Wait, was that a goddamn short joke?”

Shane’s face lights up as he laughs, and damn him, Ryan hates that he finds that adorable, even when it’s at his own damn expense.

“Bit slow on the uptake there, buddy,” Shane comments, using his foot to spin Ryan back towards his desk. “Maybe you should grab more coffee.”

“It’s not my fault your ‘jokes’ have hit a new level of cryptic.” Ryan pushes away from his desk, gets to his feet and grabs his empty mug. “But I amgoing to grab more coffee. And I’m not bringing any back for you.”

“Ryan, that’s just cruel.”

“No one to blame but yourself,” Ryan calls back over his shoulder as he leaves, fully intending on bringing a cup back for Shane regardless of what he said. There are a number of kitchenettes, snack rooms and canteens scattered around the building, but the kitchenette nearest the Tasty studio always has the best coffee, so even though it’s the farthest away from his desk, he heads there. When he walks in, there’s a fresh, untouched pot sitting on the burner, and he makes a beeline for it. Andrew and Steven are sitting at the small table in the corner of the room, shoulder to shoulder, watching something on Steven’s laptop, and before Ryan can say hey, Andrew pauses the video and glances up.

“Did Zack pull you into his video too?”

“Yeah,” Ryan answers as he leans up to grab a mug for Shane from the cabinet. He has to admit that he’s begrudgingly proud of Zack; the guy seems to work fast. “Me and Shane both. Do you know what we’re doing? He just told us alcohol was involved.”

“He said the concept was drunk people playing American party games,” Steven says. “Spin the bottle, truth or dare, seven minutes in heaven. That kind of stuff.”

Ryan fumbles with his mug and nearly drops it on the floor.

Here’s the thing: he has a crush on Shane. He hasn’t tried denying that to himself for the last few months. It’s just there, always in the back of his mind but, for the most part, he’s been able to keep it in the back of his mind, keep it quietly locked away, only to be set free when he’s alone at home in his bed.

But if he has to kiss Shane on camera for some stupid video?

He’s pretty sure there’s no way he’s going to be able to come back from that.

“Are you alright?” Steven asks. “You look like you just saw a ghost.” He snickers quietly at his own joke, and Andrew rolls his eyes expansively, even as a tiny smile ticks up at the corners of his mouth.

“Just tired,” Ryan answers. “Doesn’t really seem like Zack’s kind of shtick, does it?”

“He said it was Eric’s idea, but Christian dragged him off into the woods or something. I wasn’t really listening,” Andrew answers. Ryan blinks a few times before he simply shrugs it off; dragging someone off into the woods certainly wouldn’t be the weirdest thing one BuzzFeed employee has done to another on short notice.

“Well, I’ll see you guys there,” he says, carefully grabbing both mugs of coffee. As he makes the long walk back to his desk, he tries his best to reassure himself that it’s going to be fine. If there’s going to be six other people involved, maybe fate will smile kindly upon him. Maybe he won’t end up having to kiss Shane at all.

It’ll be fine. Really.

He’s still a few feet away from his desk when Shane glances up, spies the dual mugs of coffee, and grins.

“Aw, Ry, I knew you weren’t going to hold out on me.”

And even though he says it in a goofy tone, over the top and saccharine, Ryan’s chest still aches with fondness, and he settles for muttering, “Yeah, don’t get used to it,” as he sets Shane’s coffee down in front of him.

Maybe it’s not going to be fine after all.

True to his word, just before noon, Zack shows up at their desk and leads them over to one of the larger filming rooms. There’s been no attempt to really decorate it, but there are a number of beanbag chairs and throw cushions arranged in a loose circle in the middle of the room, and there’s a table pushed against one wall that’s sagging from the weight of all the alcohol piled on top of it. They’re the last ones to arrive; the others are scattered around, already drinking, and Annie is working on setting up some static cameras in the corners. Zack claps Ryan on the shoulder and tells them both to get comfortable before he bounds over to help Annie, and Ryan swallows heavily as he heads over to the table to grab a drink.

“This is going to be a disaster,” he mutters under his breath as he grabs a beer to start.

“Would you rather do this or the fear box video all over again?” Shane asks as he stares down at the table, spindly fingers dancing back and forth in thin air before he finally grabs some kind of cider in a purple can. Ryan shudders with revulsion at that particular thought.

“Yeah, fuck that.” After popping the cap off his beer, he drops down onto a beanbag next to Sara. Within minutes, they’re so embroiled in a conversation about Star Wars, Shane groaning at appropriate intervals, knee knocking against Ryan’s, that Ryan almost forgets what the actual purpose of them all being gathered together is.

But then Zack drops an empty wine bottle into the middle of their loose circle.

“Alright, we’re gonna do the intro and then start with spin the bottle,” he announces. “If any of you are uncomfortable at any point, just tell me to fuck off. Or give me the finger. Whatever you want. Just let me know.”

While he and Annie finish fiddling with their equipment, Ryan takes a deep breath. He’s glad that there’s some lifeline he can grab onto if things get to be too much, but all he can do is hope that he won’t need to grab hold of it, that he’ll be able to make it through the day without his inconveniently large crush making itself known.

“Why are you both so tense?” Sara abruptly asks, lightly kicking Ryan’s ankle.

“What?” Immediately, Ryan glances over at Shane, who actually does look about as tense as Ryan feels. Both of his hands are wrapped tightly around the can of cider, and one of his feet is tapping rhythmically against the ground, although it stops a few seconds after Ryan looks at him.

“I’m not tense,” Shane says, taking a huge swig from his drink. “I was just trying to think of the best way to get you two to stop talking about Star Wars for five minutes.”

“Well,” Ryan answers as Zack flashes them all a thumbs up and starts counting back from three, “I think you’re about to get your wish.”

Round 1: Spin The Bottle

Since, according to the majority of them, spin the bottle is the most boring of the three games (Kate and Niki disagree, which leads into a ten minute debate, and Ryan does not envy whoever is in charge of editing this mess), they decide that each person will have three turns at the bottle and then they’ll move onto truth or dare. Even then, the process takes a long time, and Ryan’s finished his first beer and is onto his second by the time he gets his first turn.

As he leans forward and rests his fingers on the bottle, the knowledge of how close he is to Shane sinks in. While they’re in separate beanbags, the chairs are pushed so close together that their knees are mere inches apart, and Shane’s arm is actually resting on the edge of Ryan’s chair, subtly invading his space.

(But does it really count as an invasion if he doesn’t mind?)

He shakes his head, all too aware of the presence of the cameras, and gives the bottle a firm spin. When it comes to a stop, it’s pointing at Sara, and she beams at him as she starts rummaging through her pockets.

“Wait, I have something for this.” Eventually, she pulls out a tube of lip balm, slathers some on, and replaces the cap with a pop. “Alright. Lay one on me.”

Even though Ryan is comfortable enough in their friendship to know this isn’t going to make things weird, he still feels awkward leaning over and quickly pressing his lips against Sara’s. That awkwardness evaporates a moment later, when he leans back and realizes what the taste on her lips is.

“Is that coffee? They make coffee flavored lip balm?” Sara nods and grins, and Ryan licks his lips again, because it truly is bizarre just how much the lip balm tastes like real coffee.

“How come you didn’t do that when I kissed you?” Jen asks from across the circle. This time, Sara winks and pulls a different colored tube out of another pocket.

“If you land on me again, we can try this one instead.”

Shane is the last in the circle to go, and as he cranes forward, Ryan tries to keep himself composed, tries to sink back into his beanbag and drink like this is no big deal, like he’s not internally losing his goddamn mind because there’s a chance his first (and maybe only) kiss with Shane is going to be on camera.

Instead, the bottle ends up pointing at Kate, and Ryan’s so relieved (or maybe it’s disappointment that he’s feeling) that he pounds back a third of his second beer in one swig.

The second round is uneventful, with the exception that Ryan discovers that Steven has ridiculously soft lips. When Shane spins the bottle, it lands on Jen, and he kisses her cheek so sloppily that she wrinkles her nose and says, “Is that actually how you kiss people?”

It’s a question that Ryan didn’t know he needed an answer to until she asked, but infuriatingly (and also unsurprisingly), Shane just winks before he settles back in his beanbag and polishes off his cider.

During the third round, Ryan runs out of luck.

Maybe it’s because the beer is starting to sit heavily in his head and stomach, but it takes a few moments after the bottle comes to a stop for him to realize that it’s pointing at Shane. When he glances over, his head feels like it’s full of furiously buzzing bees, so loud that he can’t focus on anything that isn’t Shane. Their arms are pressed together, and their pinkies are so close to brushing that the thought makes Ryan’s throat dry.

Before he can figure out how to proceed, Shane’s other hand performs some quick series of movements that ends with his can upturned and the remnants of his cider soaking into the front of his pants.

“Damn it!” he says, jumping to his feet. “I actually liked these pants.”

“And I think that’s the end of spin the bottle,” Zack comments as Shane brushes past him and exits the room. “Let’s take a break before truth and dare. Have another drink. I’m gonna go find another beanbag.”

For a moment, Ryan thinks about going after Shane to make sure that he’s okay, but in the end, he decides against it. After all, there’s no telling what part of the building Shane’s going to, if he’s going to steal some pants from the wardrobe room or one of their coworkers, and it was just a spilled drink; lord knows that they’ve both done more embarrassing things on camera.

He takes a quick break to hit up the bathroom and grab a snack from the nearest canteen, and when he comes back, he plucks another beer from the still overloaded table. He sinks back down beside Sara, who simply stares at him, eyes twinkling over the rim of her glass of wine. After a moment of trying to interpret the look in her eyes and failing miserably, he simply sighs.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she answers, eyes still twinkling. “Shane’s normally not that clumsy, is he?”

“Maybe he’s tired,” Ryan says, and even though he’s not defending himself, it still sounds like a weak excuse even to his own ears.

“Maybe,” Sara says demurely, moving her drink closer to her mouth. Ryan can still see her smiling through the glass, but before he can comment on it, Shane comes back in, wearing a maroon pair of pants that, Ryan is displeased to note, hit him in all the right spots and make his already endless legs look even longer.

“Damn it,” he mutters into his beer as Shane grabs another can, this one light pink, from the table. Sara giggles and pats his arm consolingly, and even if Shane wasn’t about to sink down beside him, Ryan wouldn’t bother to try and convince her that there’s nothing worth consoling him over. He knows that she knows.

He just hopes that nobody else knows.

“Did I miss anything?” Shane asks, plopping down into the new, clean beanbag and popping open his can of spiked cream soda.

Ryan shakes his head, does his utmost best not to stare at how the pants are clinging to Shane’s thighs, and takes another sip.

“Nah. Didn’t miss a thing.”

Round 2: Truth or Dare

Because so much of the afternoon has already dragged by, Zack unilaterally decides that they’ll each only take two turns for truth or dare before they move on to the pièce de résistance of the afternoon.

Before they can actually launch into the game, Kate chimes in with, “When we played this in high school, we had a rule that if you really didn’t feel comfortable answering a truth or doing a dare, you could finish your drink instead.”

Ryan thinks that sounds like a potentially dangerous idea that could also lead to some great material, so when Zack asks them all if they’re okay with it, he nods, after which the game begins with Zack asking Jen what she picks.

They make it to the second round before someone bows out; when Steven picks truth and Jen asks him to tell the story of how he kissed Andrew for the first time, Steven shakes his head and downs the rest of his drink, cheeks pink.

“None of you would ever let me hear the end of it,” he says, licking his lips and laughing before he turns to Andrew, who also picks truth.

When it’s Ryan’s turn, he picks dare, and Sara makes him record a video of him saying, with an utterly straight face, ghosts aren’t real, after which he has to post it to both Snapchat and Instagram. Once that’s done, he pockets his phone and turns to Shane, whose eyes are looking a little bit glassy.

Which Ryan can’t blame him for, because he’s pretty sure if he stood up, the room would have a distinct sway to it.

“Alright, big guy,” he says. “Your turn.” Shane hems and haws for a few moments before he shrugs.

“Gimme a dare. The best one you can think of. Let’s end this with a bang.”

Just like that, it seems like every original idea Ryan’s ever had vanishes from his mind. Technically, he supposes that he could pay it forward from Sara, could make Shane post something about how ghosts are totally real and he’s just been pretending to be a skeptic this entire time, but that seems cheap.

After a moment, an idea does come to mind. It’s incredibly stupid, and just thinking it makes him feel like he’s fourteen again, but it’s the only thing he can think of.

Besides, a part of him, a part that he probably wouldn’t listen to if it wasn’t for the alcohol floating through his system, is curious.

“Alright,” he says, hoping with everything he has that the nervous energy flooding his veins isn’t obvious on camera. “Here’s an oldie but a goodie. Kiss the person in the room you find most attractive.”

There’s almost zero hesitation on Shane’s part before he picks up his latest drink, some kind of fruity vodka concoction, and slams it back, throat bobbing as he swallows. When he’s eventually done, he drops the can to the floor, a trickle of liquid leaking from the corner of his mouth.

“Look, I can’t pick,” he says to a chorus of well-natured boos. “It’s not my fault you’re all so beautiful.”

Ryan joins the chorus of boos, but his stomach has dropped somewhere below the floor, and the buzzing bees have returned to his head. His curiosity, rather than being sated, has only gotten worse, and they still aren’t done filming.

The next time Zack asks him to participate in a video, Ryan’s going to straight up throw something at him.

“Convenient timing,” Zack says, pulling his headphones off and yanking his phone out of his pocket. “Pizza’s here! We’ll be right back.” After setting all their equipment down, him and Annie head out, and Ryan immediately gets to his feet with excuse about needing some fresh air. It’s not actually a lie; his head is swimming, and his legs are definitely not as sure underneath him as they should be, so he heads down the hallway to the nearest exit. It opens out into an alleyway that leads to the loading dock, and he props the door open with a rock before he slumps back against the stuccoed wall and takes a deep breath.

This is ridiculous. He’s been crushing on Shane for years, he suspects, on some level or another, and he’s been wholly aware of his crush for months now. He’s spent nearly every single day of those months in close proximity with Shane, and even at the worst of times, it never felt thisoverwhelming to be near him. He’s never felt like his head was going to actually implode.

Maybe it’s just because Shane is acting so bizarre. He’s always been honest, has never shied away from doing or saying things that Ryan wouldn’t, but he’s acting cagey now, like he’s dancing around something.

He takes a few more minutes to try and ground himself before he heads back inside. The pizza is stacked in the middle of the circle, and Ryan grabs yet another drink and a slice before he settles back. Shane is in the middle of trying to woo Jen into being a guest on a new episode of Ruining History, but once she gets distracted by an incoming text, he turns back to Ryan and claps one huge hand on Ryan’s knee.

Ryan feels like he’s been branded.

“You alright, buddy?” His hand lingers on Ryan’s knee a beat too long, and Ryan is caught between pressing up into the touch or yanking away.

(He knows which of the two options would be better, considering his goal of not having his stupidly massive crush revealed by day’s end, but that doesn’t mean it’s the option he wants.)

“Fine,” he answers, biting into his pizza. “Just been a long day, y’know.”

“Yeah.” Shane’s hand finally slides away from his knee and drops back into his own lap. “Almost done though.”

The end may be in sight, but so far as Ryan is concerned, it still can’t come soon enough.

Round 3: Seven Minutes In Heaven

By the time the pizza is cleared away, it’s clear that, even with the introduction of food, the energy in the room is flagging. The circle has dissolved into something more resembling a loose blob, and people are absently sipping at their drinks, like it’s more a habit than an actual thing they want to do.

“So, Andrew,” Zack starts once they’re officially filming again, “do you guys wanna go first?”

At some point while Ryan was outside grabbing some air, Andrew relocated himself to the corner of the room. Steven is stretched out on the floor beside him, head pillowed in Andrew’s lap, fast asleep. Andrew is absently running his fingers through Steven’s hair, and without pausing his movements, he looks from Zack to Steven and back again, and answers, utterly stone-faced, “No.”

It’s not a tone that leaves much room for debate and, wisely, Zack doesn’t try. He simply nods before he turn to face the rest of them and asks, “Any volunteers?”

Ryan knows that they’re going to have to do it eventually and, frankly, the sooner they can get this over with, the better. Besides, while he knows that whatever closet they’re going to be stuck in is wired for sound and camera, part of him wants to see if Shane will remain so damn cagey when they’re stuck in a tiny space, when he can’t come up with some way to get out of it.

(He just hopes that his own imagination doesn’t run away with him when he gets in there.)

“Alright, c’mon big guy,” he says, wrapping his fingers in the sleeve of Shane’s shirt and hauling him up. Ryan wobbles on his own feet for a few moments and has to give his head a firm shake in order to catch his bearings. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

The closet is right across the hallway and, thankfully, isn’t horribly small; it’s packed full of cleaning supplies and lined with shelves, but there’s still enough room that they don’t have to be standing toe to toe. Once they’re both inside, leaning back against opposite shelves, Zack flashes them a thumbs up and reaches up for the light cord hanging from the ceiling.

“See you in seven minutes!”

With that, the room plunges into darkness and Zack pulls the door shut. Moments later, there’s a faint but audible click as the door is locked from the outside, followed by footsteps that rapidly fade away.

While the closet is more sizable than Ryan expected, it still doesn’t feel like there’s enough oxygen in the room. His head is pounding, and his fingers itch with the urge to do something, to reach out and touch Shane in some way.

He suddenly has a very bad feeling that the impulsive part of his brain is about to betray the logical part, and like a car crash, there’s nothing he can do about it but watch.

“So this is kinda cozy-”

“Why didn’t you kiss me today?”

Sure enough, there’s the betrayal.

He can’t see Shane, but he can feel the room’s atmosphere change, can tell that Shane has gone completely and utterly still. If it weren’t for the lock on the door, Ryan would simply say fuck it, bolt out of the building, use up some vacation days and try to forget that this ever happened.

Eventually, just when he’s thinking about maybe changing the topic, playing oblivious to the fact he said anything at all, Shane clears his throat.

“What are you talking about?” There’s a creak, and the darkness in front of Ryan changes as Shane steps away from the shelves, moves closer to Ryan.

Ryan swallows.

“Uh,” he begins, trying to find the words. The air feels even thicker now, like he might suffocate on it if he isn’t careful. “When we were playing spin the bottle. You spilled your drink instead of kissing me. And I don’t think it was an accident. And then-”

“It wasn’t,” Shane interrupts quietly, and the rest of Ryan’s spiel, about what happened during truth or dare, dies so quickly in his throat that he nearly chokes on it.

“It wasn’t?” he repeats, wishing like hell that he could see Shane’s face, that he could get some indication that could help him determine whether the slow warmth spreading through his stomach is wholly premature.

“No.” One of Shane’s hands brushes along the outside of Ryan’s arm before it settles on the shelf beside him, close enough that Ryan can feel the fabric of Shane’s shirt grazing his bare arm. “I…” He pauses just long enough to sigh before he continues. “Look, if I’m gonna kiss you, I don’t want it to be because of some stupid video. I want it to be because you want it too.”

The warmth spreading through Ryan’s stomach abruptly surges up into his head.

“Oh.” A sudden bolt of bravery hits him, and he tentatively reaches out until his fingers skim along the slight curve of Shane’s waist. He settles his hand firmly there before he continues, “I want it. I really, really do.” On an abstract level, he’s aware of the exact circumstances that pushed them into the room, aware that their every movement and word is being recorded, but that’s not important. What’s important is that Shane is stepping even closer to him, that one of his hands is running up Ryan’s bicep before it comes to rest on the side of his neck.

“You’re sure?” Shane leans in, and their noses awkwardly bash together before his forehead drops against Ryan’s. “This isn’t just-”

While Ryan isn’t a psychic, can’t say definitively that Shane’s next words are going to be something about the video, he can’t bear the thought of Shane thinking he’s a liar so, while it’s rude to interrupt, he cranes up on his toes and follows Shane’s warm breath until their mouths brush together. The rest of Shane’s words stutter to a stop, and he breathes a quiet sigh against Ryan’s lips, a tiny bitten-off oh that Ryan wants to memorialize in every possible way.

While Ryan has imagined their first kiss an embarrassing amount of times, he never pictured anything quite like this: in a darkened supply closet at work, their friends only a few feet away, a shelf digging hard into the base of his back and a little too much alcohol soaking into his brain.

But hey, he’ll take it.

Eventually, Shane pulls back a little and takes a deep breath. His hands have somehow both landed on Ryan’s chest, are fisted in the fabric of his shirt tight enough that it’s ridden up, and he bumps his nose against Ryan’s.

“Wanna do that again?” he asks, and while Ryan can’t see it, he can sure hear the grin in Shane’s voice.

“Fuck yeah,” Ryan answers, a little surprised at how out of breath he feels. “C’mere.”

The next kiss is firmer, lasts longer. The one after that is the first with tongue. The one after that is the first where Ryan gently sinks his teeth into Shane’s bottom lip and tugs.

And whether that’s the true catalyst, after that, he loses track of individual kisses.

It feels like a levee has broken, like everything he’s forced himself to hold back over the last few months is pouring out in one fell swoop. He wants to touch Shane everywhere he can, wants to know every last inch of him. His hands flit up the swoop of Shane’s neck, along the line of his shoulders, down over his chest. Occasionally, they tangle together with Shane’s, and Ryan almost wants to pause for a few moments, just to fit their fingers properly together, to see how it feels.

But he suspects that he would have to stop kissing Shane in order to truly appreciate that, and he’s damn well not ready to pull away yet.

Eventually, the shelf digging into his lower back becomes too painful to ignore. He doesn’t want Shane to have to experience the same thing so, as he steps forward, he uses his grip on Shane’s waist to turn him so that Shane’s back ends up pressed against the door of the closet. Shane hooks his fingers into Ryan’s belt loops and pulls him back in before Ryan can so much as take a step towards him.

The next time he has to pull away to breathe, he busies himself by pressing a series of quick kisses along the jut of Shane’s jaw, relishes in the groans that Shane gives him in response. He’s just moved down to Shane’s neck when he hears footsteps on the other side of the door.

By the time the significance of those footsteps sinks into his brain, it’s too late.

The door clicks open, and Shane goes stumbling backwards out into the entirely too bright hallway. He doesn’t let go of Ryan’s belt loops, and Ryan goes crashing into his chest, which leads to the two of them falling to the floor. The breath rushes from Shane’s chest with an oomph as Ryan lands on top of him. His teeth sink into his own tongue, and he curses as he turns his head and looks up at where Zack is staring down at them with a grin so obnoxiously bright that Ryan thinks it could illuminate a room.

“So,” he says. “How was your seven minutes?”

“If you put literally any of that footage,” Ryan starts, jerking his head back towards the closet, “in the video, I’m going to kill you.”

“Fine.” Zack shrugs so casually that Ryan knows there’s something he’s missing, but he’s a little too drunk (both from alcohol and from kissing Shane) to figure it out. “You guys can head out, if you want.” With that, he walks back across the hallway, and Ryan catches him saying, “Sara and Jen, you’re up!”

“Jesus, you’re heavy,” Shane mutters from underneath him, which spurs Ryan to his feet.

“Whatever, shut up,” he says, reaching out a hand to haul Shane to his feet.

“Hey, it’s not that I’m opposed to you being on top of me,” Shane continues, raising his hands defensively. The collar of his shirt is crooked, and his hair is an absolute mess, tugged into unruly spikes. “Just might be better if it’s on a bed. That’s all.”

The warmth that abruptly left him when they spilled out of the closet starts building in Ryan’s stomach again.

“Yeah? Your bed or mine?”

Shane grins at him.

“Surprise me.”

When the video premieres two weeks later, Ryan discovers that, by pure technicality, Zack did keep his promise; none of the footage of them making out inside the closet has made it into the final product.

The part of them falling out of the closet, on the other hand, has.

Normally, he’d leap up from his chair and hunt Zack down, but Shane’s foot is pressed against his calf underneath the desk, and that single point of contact is enough to keep him in his chair, keeps him from doing nothing more but muttering about how he’s going to get revenge.

“Don’t worry,” Shane responds, casually dragging his foot down to Ryan’s ankle and back up. “I already have some ideas.”

(And if Ryan wasn’t totally gone on the guy before?

Well, after that comment, there’s absolutely no turning back.)

[thedomtreader]

I'm sure you are tired of anons but I remember you from Myspace, the nostalgia hits hard when someone from your past suddenly shows up. In the roleplay community there were those hardcore RPers who were completely put off by your personality, but now looking back you, Zack, and Taryn helped keep minors safe in that community. Brittie had such a shitty attitude and whined about how you never roleplayed with her but it clearly said on your account 18+ because of your style. Ugh her and Callie were so fucking annoying.

Ha, yeah the LOTR roleplayers had a huge stick up their ass. I didn't even do anything! It's not like I went into their chat room and harassed them because then it would be justified but no they just come over like "Tone down your Jack Sparrow attitude, some of us actually care about the art of roleplay." Really does this pay your fucking bills?! Remember when the Twilight roleplayers joined? Christ, that annoying as hell because then we had those accounts with two characters. It caused such controversy, the main issue was "it's just an excuse to cheat", again, this is all fiction so I'm not sure why you're so invested in the storyline. I'm sure now it wouldn't be a big deal but back then? Fuck, accounts were getting spam reported, I was friends with one account and he ran Legolas and one of the Twilight characters (I hate that franchise), when he made a new account it was just Legolas. Decided to play it safe.

Callie is a cunt. I could list the reasons why I hate her but I'll give two important ones. Taryn told me that while being tortured, Callie strung along this story that her ex girlfriend (who doesn't exist) knew someone who magically knew people associated with Taryn's abuser. The whole thing fucking pissed me off to no end, Taryn was vulnerable and Callie chose to play a vicious mind game like that, at least Brittie was trying to encourage her to leave the situation. The second one is Callie was part of that Livia Malice Scandal, she knew the pedophile, was best friends with that bitch! There's no fucking words, she helped a pedophile prey on minors. Don't forget how pissed Zack was when that exposure happened, he KNEW.