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#i know im ill but like i also.. have to get myself into the headspace. like today i blasted sad music with an iced coffee after serrating my
schizononagesimus · 6 months
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i have a disorder called gets a fic idea then blacks out until it's done
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29121996 · 1 year
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#i rlly just gotta get through the next month and then life will feel worth living again#i mean im gonna be on autopilot and living in that weird headspace i get when everything feels Too Much#but once i see twice ill have a new found joy for life and . itll kickstart something in my brain#it alwahs does#t1975 did jt last time#however . i do not wanna be alivs for the next few months bc despite the minor relief i feel#i feel like ive nust lost everything and theres a emoty Pit in my chest#its fun its fine its for the plot#anyway i wanna fucking kill myself. here we go again i gotta get this over with eventuslly#rip the bandaid off or something#bc evsn tho i know how i want this to pan out - there is a middle part i dont wanna deal with or accept is haopening#but too bad bc it IS happening !!!!#and . i cant or wont talk abt this bc its sl fucking delusional and . cringy but i am a just a teenage girl in a 21yr old#but FUUUUCK this makes me SICK and i should 100% activate my ego or wtv it is im supposed to Have#but diggity dawg .#side note i feel like i have imposter syndrom or something bc the way i do feel abt this is very . New#like i do genuinely think my self esteem or something has gotten better bc i am so fucking sad dont get mw wrong#but i also dont feel like ive lost a chunk of who i was this time. its just . Upsetting ti know that i dont get to experience that anymore#i gotta find a new way to mmget the same happiness or whatever.#i dont nnow.#i wanna die abt it regardless even if i think im okay#bc i am inherently and i will be !!!! but . hnhnhnhnhnhhn u all get it .
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reystenius-01 · 5 months
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Sweet and Sour
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Summary: Alexia comes home from that game to a sick reader. Comfort and fluff ensues.
(okay theres a bit of angst as well, i couldn't help myself, im sorry 😭)
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Alexia didn’t know whether to cry, to yell, or to hurl a water bottle against the nearest surface. They had lost. Barça had lost. Their first defeat of the season could not have come at a more dangerous time, in the first leg of the Champions League Semi-Final. 
It was their first home defeat in five years, as well.
And to add salt to the wound, you weren’t around. You weren’t at the game today. You were at home, incredibly ill to the point where looking at a screen hurt your brain. You weren’t there for Alexia to cling onto, to reassure her that everything would come up blaugrana at the end of the day.
At least, though, you were at home, getting better for the second leg. You’d save them, Alexia told herself, as she applauded the fans for coming and attending. The fans deserved better than whatever the hell that performance was out there.
God, it kept replaying in her head. That miss. That fucking miss.
She could’ve levelled it, put her team on some somewhat stable ground for the away leg at Stamford Bridge. A part of her shattered when that ball went wide, it took majority of her willpower to get right back up afterwards. 
The little head-slaps she usually gave Vicky were lighter now, only just. As much as Alexia would love to give Jona a piece of her mind (she’d do that tomorrow at the latest), you were waiting for her at home. 
The mere thought nearly brought her to her knees. 
Though she knew that you would understand, that you would be the usual radiating beam of positivity that you always were despite feeling like you got hit by a truck, a part of her feared that you’d be disappointed, not just of the team, but of her.
Alexia was brought out of her thoughts as Jona walked into the locker room. The usual post-match speeches were given, but a chunk of Alexia’s brain was just all mush after that game. It was mostly a blur, and she could hardly remember what she had said in her own speech. Thankfully, she didn’t need to do media. The last thing she needed right now, especially in her current headspace, was for some reporters trying to bait her into making a scathing comment.
She wanted to go home to you. And at the same time, she didn’t.
The team bus was mostly silent on the way back to the training ground, a few of the girls conversing in hushed tones, some faint music coming from the back of the bus. Alexia hadn’t texted you yet. You needed the sleep, so you could get better and get back to the team.
Salma’s head was on her shoulder, the girl having fallen asleep a few minutes into the bus ride. Alexia’s heart went out to the girl, and she had encouraged her to keep her head up. 
The minutes went by like a blur, and before Alexia knew it, they were back at the training ground. The radio played faintly in her car as she drove back to your shared home, making a quick stop at the pharmacy to pick up your antibiotics, since the pharmacist had called her to let her know that your required dose for tonight was ready.
The first thing Alexia noticed when she got home was the smell of soup. You must’ve made some boxed instant soup or something, her thoughts confirmed when she saw the box and the seasoning packets. There was still some soup left in the pot on the stove. Well, there was dinner sorted.
She set the bag from the pharmacy down on the kitchen counter before heading upstairs to check on you. She quietly entered the bedroom, and saw you curled up in bed, your breathing steady and peaceful. She smiled softly, grateful to see you resting. You could be a little stubborn at times.
Carefully, she approached the bed and sat down beside you, reaching out to gently brush a strand of hair from your face, also gently holding her hand against your forehead to check on your fever. Thankfully, it wasn’t that bad anymore.
“Hey, amor,” she whispered, her voice barely above a murmur. “I’m home.”
You stirred slightly, blinking sleepily as you looked up at her. “Hey, pretty girl,” you murmured, clearing your throat and sitting up a bit so you could lean against the headboard. “How are you? How was the game?”
Alexia hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. She didn't want to disappoint you with the loss, especially when you were just starting to feel better.
“It was... challenging,” she said finally, hating how small she sounded. “But you know how it is. Win some, lose some.”
Your brow furrowed slightly, concern flickering in your eyes. You knew your girlfriend the same way you knew how to breathe. There was no way she’d ever use the words ‘win some, lose some’ to describe a game, especially a Champions League semi-final, at home no less. 
​​You studied her for a moment, your eyes searching her face. “Lex, what's wrong?” you asked gently, sensing her reluctance to talk about it.
Alexia hesitated, her heart heavy with the weight of her missed chance, chewing a little on the inside of her cheek. “I... I had a chance to level the score,” she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. “But I missed.”
Your heart broke then and there, not because of the loss at all. Your girlfriend, the Alexia Putellas and the two-time Ballon D’or winner looked so… small in front of you. Your expression softened with understanding, and you reached out to take her hand in yours. “Hey, it's okay,” you said soothingly, your voice filled with reassurance. “That’s football, love.”
Alexia noticed you shift closer to her a bit, your thumb stroking the back of her hand gently. You were keeping your distance a bit, not wanting to get your girlfriend sick, even more so now.
“But it was such an important game,” Alexia said, her voice trembling with emotion. “And I let everyone down.”
You shook your head, gently squeezing her hand. “You didn't let anyone down, Lex. You gave it your all out there, and that's all anyone can ask for. We win and lose as a team,” Alexia wasn’t looking at you, but you were looking at her, studying her. You could see her biting her bottom lip to keep herself from crying in front of you. “Mi vida, mírame.”
Alexia nibbled on her lip some more, before shaking her head. Your hand left hers, reaching up to gently hold her chin and encourage her to look at you. “Ale, mi niña bonita. Please look at me.”
She let you turn her face to face yours, and your thumb immediately reaching up to wipe away the tears that were escaping the corners of those gorgeous hazel eyes.
Your heart ached for her. She looked so vulnerable in that moment, and it pained you to see her so torn up over the match. “Alexia, listen to me,” you said, your voice firm but gentle as you wiped away her tears, albeit a little croaky as well. “You are so much more than just one missed chance. You are strong, talented, and resilient. And no matter what happens on the field, I am always going to be proud of you.”
Alexia's breath caught in her throat as she looked into your eyes, seeing nothing but love and admiration reflected back at her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion.
“Don't apologise, amor,” you said softly, shaking your head. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Alexia shook her head, a shaky sigh escaping her lips. “I just... I hate feeling like I disappointed the team, the fans… and you.”
You reached out, cupping her cheek gently in your hand. “You didn't let anyone down, Ale,” you insisted, completely sure of what you were saying. “You're an incredible player and an amazing captain. And I couldn't be prouder of you–”
You doubled over, turning your head away to cough into your arm, your other hand patting your chest. 
“Amor,” Alexia all but jumped to your side, hand rubbing your back despite you trying to keep her at a distance so that she didn’t get sick.
“I’m…” Another stream of coughs escaped you, and Alexia pulled away briefly to pour you a glass of water. “I’m fine, Ale, thank you.”
You accepted the glass, taking a few sips to soothe the irritation you felt in your throat, massaging it gently. “Maybe you should take some medicine,” she suggested, worry evident for your health.
“After this,” you set the glass on the bedside table, grabbing Alexia’s hands again and getting her to sit beside you. “It's okay to feel disappointed, Lex, but don't let one moment define you. You are capable of so much more than you realise, and I know you know that.”
Tears continued to stream down Alexia's cheeks, but there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes as she listened to your words. “I just want to make you proud,” she admitted, her voice slightly above a whisper, sounding more like herself now.
“Oh, bebita,” you murmured, your voice soft just like your smile as you bunched up your sleeve, wiping at Alexia’s cheeks. “You already make me proud every single day.”
Alexia sniffled, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Even when I miss crucial chances in important games?”
“Even then,” you replied without hesitation, your gaze locked with hers. “Because you give your all out there, and you never give up. You always fight, and fight to make up for it.”
“You always know just what to say,” she whispered, a soft sigh escaping her as she looked at you.
“What can I say? I’m just so wise,” you replied, pulling a face, making Alexia chuckle and lightly shove your shoulder. “Hey, no bullying the weak and feeble!”
“You aren’t f-fuh–?” Alexia tried to copy your pronunciation, and with each attempt, your smile grew. “Amor!”
“What?” 
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Just…” Alexia put her hands on your shoulders. “You’re not weak.”
“I know, mi amor, I know. You aren’t either,” you put one of your hands on top of one of hers, gently caressing her knuckles. “We’re still in it. We’ve been here before, no?” You looked at her knowingly, yet so softly and so full of love.
“Mhm,” she hummed, her smile getting bigger.
“We just need a bit of faith and trust. No matter what happens, win or lose, you’re one of the most amazing people in my life,” you reached out to run your hand through Alexia’s hair, still a bit damp from her post-match shower. “Want me to brush your hair?”
“I want you… to take your medicine,” Alexia said with a smile, and you groaned.
“Is it the tablets?”
Alexia pursed her lips as she stood up, stifling a smile as she held out her hands for you to help yourself up out of bed.
“Amor,” you whined, kicking your feet a little like a child being denied ice cream from a street vendor.
“Come on, my tough and pretty and sexy girl,” Alexia wiggled her fingers. “You can handle a few pills, lovely.”
“I told you that a few months ago, and you banished me to an air mattress on the floor because you didn’t want me catching whatever bug you had,” You held onto her hands, standing up. Alexia’s large hands patted your waist a little before holding you gently. It was an adorable habit of hers. “And then, you proceeded to beg for me to come to bed with you just because you couldn’t stand being apart from me for the night.”
“Come, come,” Alexia had a smile on her face as you went on your little rant, leading you down the stairs to your inevitable fate of having to ingest some pills. You hated the feeling of pills in your throat, even when you took them with water. “Don’t be stubborn.”
“Alexia, don’t be mean to me, I am ill,” you stopped at the bottom step, Alexia looking up at you slightly, tilting her head and smiling at the sight of you pouting.
 You grumbled when she wrapped her arms around your waist and picked you up into her arms, begrudgingly wrapping your legs around her waist to hold onto her as she carried you into the kitchen, “Be careful, you played a rough half of football.”
Alexia glanced at you, brow furrowed. You weren’t supposed to be on your phone or any technology for that matter.
“Mapi called,” you smiled innocently, fingers scratching her scalp, the midfielder closing her eyes at the feeling briefly. “It’s been a while since she used short sentences.” Alexia winced. “Too soon, yep, sorry.”
“The doctor said you need to have three tablets–” Alexia braced herself for the mush of words that were about to come out of your mouth.
“Amor!”
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d1s1ntegrated · 3 months
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hiii im back again !!!
can i request shiggy hcs for a reader who chronically bed rots (i was trying to find a better word for it instead of chronically but alas) but they basically just stay in bed watching whatever and sleeping (forgetting to eat is also a habit of mine when i do it ;-;)? thank u <33
OFC U CAN!!! i am also a chronic rotter. i know how it feels bb i got u!
bed rotting x shigaraki hcs
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the first time tomura saw you bed rot, he thought you were sick.
"are you okay?? are you getting up?"
when you explained you just...couldn't...he nodded and crawled into bed next to you.
he and you both understand it's not the healthiest, but he's no stranger to a bad habit or two.
so when he learns that some days are just gonna be harder than others, he prepares like a mf
we're talking doomsday prepping.
he and a few other league members will go out and steal a bunch of shit: snacks, water bottles, etc
charges all the electronics and makes sure there are chargers nearby
gets nice clean pjs to lay in for you
regardless of whether its related to a chronic illness, mental shit, or not, he makes sure he learns what you need, if anything during that time.
because thats what he would want for himself :( thats what he needed. he understands it
helps you brush your hair out (he kinda sucks at it but hes doing his best okay)
sleeps next to you when you're sleeping, because gods know he needs it too
especially likes to watch shitty animated movies with you when you guts are awake
will send you memes/posts instead of showing them to you even though you're right. there.
you guys dont have to say anything to each other for hours on end, and you're still content just being there together.
plays dumb games on his phone
shows you him bullying villagers off his animal crossing island to get you to laugh
"i fucking hate barold hes so fucking ugly GET OFF MY FUCKING ISLAND YOU PLEB" (sorry barold lovers shiggy is NAWT a fan)
if you forget to eat, he will also forget, until you hear his stomach rumble and you both go "oh fuck"
adhd mode as fuck
gotta keep the big lights off for this
if you're the only one in that headspace, he'll do his best to just be there for you and make sure you take care of yourself
even if that means dragging you by a foot to brush your teeth or at least have a quick rinse in the shower
cause he knows if you dont, you'll feel bad for not
but he's very gentle and understanding always, because hes been there
and he will continue to be there regardless
all he cares about is that you're at least safe and healthy with him
cuddles and kisses you incessantly
just loves being next to you always, this just gives him an excuse to be clingy
✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶
okay this was really cute, also helped me channel some of my own personal guilt ab bed rotting ;-;
thank u for the request <3
shit like this gives me the motivation to not only keep writing, but to be kinder to myself, because thats what shig would want. i hope this has the same effect for you guys.
love u all, take care of urself <3
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scream4ash · 2 months
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tw 4 addiction, talks of self harm, talks of disordered eating, mental illness, self destructive tendencies, just overall me being a piece of shit.
hey, guys. ash here. i guess i wanna apologize for just dissapearing. when i had originally started posting, and decided i was going to be a writer i was sober, n in a better headspace. since then i have relapsed, n fallen into the cycle of addiction n destruction n just overall have not been in a good place.
i have struggled with substance abuse since i was around 13, mainly being alcohol or weed due to easy access. more recently in january of this year i had started abusing antihistamines. that way, i could tell myself it was just medicine, there was no harm in what i was doing. for those of you who don’t know, antihistamines are anti-allergy meds.
on march 17, i had overdosed. my girlfriend had found me on my bedroom floor seizing out. i was brought to the hospital via ambulance, n released the same day. i would love to say i stopped, n i realized the way im going would kill me, but i didnt. i had overdosed again 8 days later. this time when i was brought in to the er i was put on suicide watch. then i wouldve denied any attempts at harming myself, but deep down i didnt care the outcome. though im just now realizing i never really cared about what’d happen to me, but i think part of me always knew. i knew the consequences, i decided that god shall decide my fate.
i was then transferred from the er to a psychiatric unit where i was treated for depression n bipolar disorder.
when i was released a week later i decided it would be a new chapter. i had gotten a job, i was sober, n most importantly people saw me.
that lasted for around two months. the euphoria i felt had all come crashing down. i had slowly rejoined the forgotten, my own friends forgetting about me. i had fell back into isolation n self-hatred. i was fading out again, n no one noticed. no one noticed when i had started skipping meals, or the way my body physically could not allow itself to keep a single bite of food down, or the lack of sleep, even the empty look in my eyes. i have yet again fallen into the hand of addiction, seeking comfort from what i know is no longer there, what may have never been there in the first place. i have barely left my house, only going outside to walk my dog. i can no longer recognize who i see in the mirror. more recently i havent even been able to get out of bed to go to work.
i feel the need to clarify that i am 19 years old, the life i am living is not the life to live. i am actually all alone in the world. guys, if u, or a friend, or a parent, or a loved one, hell even ur worst enemy. if anyone u know, or may know of is struggling with addiction, let them know you are there. let them know that you havent gave up, youre still fighting for them. if ur thinking about trying drugs, or alcohol, hell even weed. don’t. take it from me. dont.
i havent been very active on here, n i am sorry. i am going to reopen my requests and start posting short works/blurbs. i will also get to the requests in my inbox, n those will be filled as blurbs. again, i’m sorry 4 bailing on you guys.
also so super sorry for the sob story, idk. kinda feels good to get this shit of my chest. idk, makes me feel like u guys know me kinda.
@calumikey @ashen-char @f4ngtooth @theactualqueenelizabeth @brittanysnowsgf @iheartambss @phorsphyn @spiderb00 @allsovls @jennaortegaswifey @liaisbaeee @xxxninjaxxx23 @chaejiberry @nohumanityhope @blakeroni @mm-myluv @amberfreemanmygirlfriend @lilahaga @mikeymisser @carolcunha7 @not-alesha @burninghotlava @shaunashipmanism @chaoticghosthoagiegoop @paigesbabymama @spidersareskrunkly @ghostampire @cursedashes @yveslish
tried to tag all of my followers, or as many that it’d tag. idk, i really want this to be seen.
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thatneoncrisis · 3 months
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20 questions for 20 writers!
tagged by @waitineedaname thxx
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
21 works, i feel like thats a healthy number
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
i have 439,385 words, a very large chunk of that is from We Have Always Lived in the Apartment
3. What fandoms do you write for?
right now its the locked tomb, used to be homestuck, i have some crossovers with the magnus archives and one with john dies at the end
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
We Have Always Lived in the Apartment -- TLT horror mystery modern au
Insert Jesus Allegory Here -- solkat focused continuation of karkats pesterquest route, i NEED my new fics to get more popular than this oh my god
Gehenna the First -- TLT houseswap au with harrow as god
the gap between a tragedy and comedy (in this life its just you and me) -- TLT coffee shop au.
What's Eating Gideon Nav?  -- TLT catholic boarding school horror au
5. Do you respond to comments?
not typically, theres some weird thing with my head where i kind of hate that it counts my comments in the total comment amount. i cant explain it i just dont like how it looks, plus just repeating variations of "thank you!!" feels hollow after a while. im more likely to answer direct questions about the story rather than general commentary i do love talking about my thought process and intentions
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
ok so i cant actually tell you this because none of those fics are Done yet but all you need to know is that i consider all of my TLT fics tragedies to some extent. take that as you will. i dont even Like the word angst really it portends a level of melodrama id like to avoid
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I'd say its a dead tie between A Brief Lesson In The Occult and Shit. Let’s Build A Fort. i can barely look at these anymore and if you read them and feel compelled to tell me you like them: dont. i can do better now
8. Do you get hate on fics?
never to my knowledge has anyone ever publicly disliked one of my fics. in fact sometimes i dream about someone posting it in their discord group chat and making fun of it because im so curious about what theyd say
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yes i have. i do it almost exclusively as satire or character analysis as i find like, the physicality of sex to be inherently kind of goofy. liek the second you have to describe a dick or boobs with words the magic is gone it just becomes weird silly looking flesh. so i like focusing on weird and bad sex, unsatisfying or clumsy sex. sex that changes you in no significant way
10. Do you write crossovers?
yes i have. A Brief Disappearance and Statement of David Wong are both TMA/JDATE crossovers and i DID write a homestuck/TMA crossover but its not on my ao3 i guess? odd
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
no? does that happen?
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
i think once someone asked but i have no clue if it happened
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
@notedchampagne is my co producer in all things forever but ive basically written everything myself and they help polish it up
14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
shiiiiiiite uh. jade/davepeta still means a lot to me. i think there are a lot of really engaging ships in TLT but i always kind of default to griddlehark i just kind of understand them the best
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
eventually SAM and i would like to circle back to our fanventure Therapystuck but we both got really busy with school, work and a general lull in the HS fandom. also maybe someday ill go back to Insert Jesus Allegory Here i liked the direction of the story i just have to get myself back in that headspace. being into homestuck Does something to you, like psychologically
16. What are your writing strengths?
after asking some friends theyve told me im good at tone, prose, funny metaphors, and dialogue but a caveat for the last thing as "I have yet to see how your Own guys talk and how you'd handle distinct voices from scratch so I'm only giving you about 80%"
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
i hate like. writing Around the important bits of a scene. i love the physicality of characters and what it reveals about them, along with pieces of the scene the narration deems important or interesting enough to mention to the audience. but im always worried im jsut fucking yapping. also i hate like, political scenes theres a rhythm to them that i dont quite understand. people sitting around using specific language that Feels important in a way that doesnt make it clear im bullshitting like 99% of what theyre talking about
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
AHAH. GOD. i actually looked this up the other day because theres an original story i want to write where i want to make it clear theyre basically speaking french the whole time, even though its written in english. i only speak english (i took some french in hs, its left me though i want to pick it up again) so i wouldnt know anything about how it reads to polyglots but i guess theres really only so much you can do outside of literally learning a new language just to write a story for free. ive seen a whole host of tips so i gues sit just matters how you employ them
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Homestuck. my only regret is that i wasnt a better writer
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
FUCK christ uuuuh. favorite right Now would be The Apartment but EVENTUALLY id like it to be Gehenna the First because its the hardest to write and i need it to pay off. if you havent read it uhhh. hi. hello. you should do that. i think its really cool and fun and junk
CHRIST who to tag i dont follow big writers uuuh @tranquilitybasehotelcasino and @accidentallyadorable sure have fun
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void-with-a-keyboard · 4 months
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thinking about solar and how absolutely fucking pathetic of a man he was
constantly nervous and trying to not offend ppl while also just trying to have ppl like him
while i COULD talk about solar/lunar bc thats a very obvious ship (like. theyre right there lmao) but i came here to talk about solar/sun bc i was looking through some of my old oneshots i made when solar first showed up (like- literally on ao3 there were FIVE fics about him. I WAS EARLY) bc i wanted to kiss his flat fucking face so badly
BUUTTTT one of the oneshots was of solar and wutever fuckin insert i used interacting and like. trying to get solar used to gentle touches since im a FIRM believer that that man had NEVER felt a gentle hand on him once he existed (except for maybe when he interacted with his sun in the headspace but thats not actually physical) and it was like "okay lets see how u react to certain things and get u used to it"
and i was like... wut if it was sun doing it with him? i feel like in the beginning he would try and avoid sun as much as he could while also DEEPLY yearning to be around him. bc he just misses his brother so much and he wants him back but he knows this isnt his sun but it hurts to see him and not be able to even touch him. not bc hes not allowed to, hes just too scared to make any moves to get closer.
IM GETTING A BIT OFF TRACK BUTBUTBUT- ill discuss sun and solars early relationship LATER in another post so imma talk about wut im REALLY here for
sun is just hanging out with solar and tries to help him figure out his feelings cuz hes like "i have no fucking clue wut im feeling or wut to do with myself" and sun is like"fuck it i can help" (pretend this is in character LMAO im just being silly and over simplifying :]) and they like- "practice" with solar being used to more gentle touches. like just holding hands and hugs and petting and all that stuff. bc even tho solar trusts sun he still has a deep burning feeling that he will be hurt at some point and sun makes it his personal goal to at least help him not feel like that as much
and ofc they end up kissing. y do u think im here??
solar is an EMOTIONAL MESS. bro does not know wut to do with himself but it doesnt matter bc he feels happy and safe and DAMNIT is he gonna enjoy it
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zeltqz · 1 year
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niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀
i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool
YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3
tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post
tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha
tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)
tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.
i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book
dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.
for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.
getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?
hope that makes sense!!
tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.
rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.
thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.
also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.
tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.
there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.
if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.
tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.
tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.
just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.
i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.
i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.
if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))
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gg-selvish · 1 year
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thinking about my history in this fandom and how i'm doing now and it's putting me in a really rotten headspace. i don't really feel like i add anything good to the fandom these days. my opinions get me mass-harassed until i go priv, my fic flops even though it's longer and i'm putting more heart and love into it, and just posting my thoughts makes me lose followers. my user subs have been stagnant or declining. i think i've just been here long enough and at this point i've overstayed my welcome.
i've flirted with the idea of retiring a lot and never really committed to it because i'm so in love with my characters and their dynamics and the feedback i get from my readers but the current climate and recent reactions to whatever i put out... i was never really liked by the masses here but it feels like the circle of people who tolerate me being here is dwindling. im gonna give the chapter i posted today a day or two to see how it does and if it also flops and i can't finish it i'm just gonna orphan it as incomplete and leave good luck charm as my last fic. i think i'd be content with that.
you know i say all of this and we all know i've never actually committed to leaving, but i guess i just wanted to share how i've been feeling lately and how disappointed i am with myself. i haven't been meeting my own standards this whole year and this constant failure is really painful. plus constantly being hypervigilant to getting blasted by people who hate my existence. i just wanna give up. idk. ill give it time but i really am not happy with how i've been doing as writer. or just a person in the public eye. i've never felt underappreciation, it's always felt like genuine hatred awkwardly balancing with tolerance.
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is-that-plural · 1 month
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urgh not to feed into the whole demonization stuff but postal dude from the POSTAL game franchise is plural coded (and i am allowed to say this having DID.. bc i get so mad when singlets say he has "split/multiple personality disorder" (also bc its the outdated name) but when i see someone who is a system say he is im likd. YES (also most of the time those people who claim MPD on him are doing it to demonize the disorder and add nothing else.. like no nuance or whatever at all or deep discussion) GOING TO RAMBLE SORRY (should also probably content warn. postal is a pretty violent/graphic/dark humor franchise so theres gonna be bringing up of violence and guns, and also some semi disturbing imagery?? mostly it just being eerie, demon visuals, and scopophobia).. oh also religion trauma talk ALSO SPOILERS FOR POSTAL 1997 (?) AND POSTAL BRAIN DAMAGED!!! -------------------------------------------------------------
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so, in POSTAL 1 (1997), theres this whole thing where, if you look at postal dude's voicelines from Rick Hunter, iirc (my memory is a bit rusty) theyre labeled with "demon", and his death/pain sounds are voiced by Vince Desi and arent labelled as such. its also heavily implied that postal dude is TERRIFIED and scared, but then his voicelines are him making snide and mocking remarks. it has been implied that he may be "possessed by a demon" but also that he has multiple mental conditions.
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now, in POSTAL: Brain Damaged, this becomes extremely obvious. we are now more into the future, and Dude has to fight against other dude inside his own head. Other dude is the "demon" from postal 1997.
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(other dude on the left, postal dude on the right.) other dude's speech at the final cutscene, he specifically talks about how they are basically one in the same, while he also cannot be killed or defeated. (and um. after this he gets shot in the head by postal dude, and "dies" but ill get to that.) (i know alter death isnt real, but us, along with other systems weve seen, have said that in headspace , an alter for example may look like they are dead or something happened to them, but that didnt actually kill them and they arent dead. it has been said this is usually a stress thing, or a coping mechanism. we have done stuff like this before.) so i dont believe other dude is dead. ALSO! when postal dude shot him, he brought up not being able to remember things he learned in childhood after that, and his brain was going all dumb,, https://www.kapwing.com/videos/66bab3c776014924d543c4c6 (tumblr wont let me put a video so i hope this link will work!! if it doesnt you can just look up the final cutscene of the game, but like the warnings i put up above they are fighting and he does get shot.) -------------------------------------------------------------- FINAL THOUGHTS my take/headcanon whatever u wanna call it, as a DID system, is that he may have DID or OSDD-1a. but instead of just claiming that and not digging into anything else or finding nuances, here's some other stuff. as a persecutor in our sys myself who also recently fused with postal 1997 being the source, and also our other few postal introjects (a few who are also persecutors), Postal dude and Other dude are system coded. I think Other dude is a mislead persecutor who is fully convinced he is a demon, on top of Postal dude thinking the same about other dude. A big thing that happens with many systems because of trauma, especially religious trauma, is thinking they are possessed (and sometimes even those around the system also calling them possessed,) and because postal dude never got the help they needed, they have some, what i like to call, internalized demonization. the first case we ever see the postal dude is in 1997 (which is also the year the game takes place in and not just the games date), and to my math, postal dude is canonically 53-54 this current year. of course he wouldnt have gotten help, especially how under researched CDDs are still to this day! and i do think they have religious trauma, i mean, the entire thing for postal 1997 is dude thinking he is cleansing the earth for god or something. POSTAL 1997 has "diary entries" (which turn into "war journal" after a bit) and they all have very obvious religious ramblings. so, my conclusion, postal dude has DID or OSDD-1A, heavy internalized demonization, religious trauma, and is system coded. i rest my case. also... just look at this image bro tell me he isnt plural,,
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SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG I JUST LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS and despite this might being seen as demonizing DID, personally i and a few others ive met who like postal and are systems dont see it that way and postal actually makes us feel seen lol
!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL THANK YOU FOR THE RANT
a rant is actually Really needed, because i can only do so much research myself on media we're unfamiliar with, so for you all to give your reasoning and explanations is absolutely PERFECT !!
Rating: CASE CLOSED: That Dude is Plural !
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ne0nlightzz · 1 year
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Mk im not gonna make my blog all abt this but right now im torn inbetween forcing myself to keep calm or spiralling and letting my thoughts drift to the worst scenarios possible and back into a very dark place. But i will say if KOSA actually happens im fucked and so are so so soo many other minors on the internet, especially if they are also part of the lgbt+ community.
as much as i hate to admit im genuinely fearful of the possible outcomes of this and go to the worse case scenarios imma admit im fricking scared. this mixed with my states version of the 'dont say gay bill' being passed like two months ago has me questioning if this is all frickin worth it.
but what i actually came to say, besides the little spiralling breakdown im trying to avaoid, we have to fucking stop this, like sign every petition and anything we need to, call every single mf we need to, just to do anything and everything to make sure KOSA does not pass and ruin so many people's lives and put so many people in danger and also basically change the internet and society as we know it. ill probably make a better post about this soon, one more detailed and when im not in as bad of a headspace, but we've gotta at least try our damn hardest to put a stop to this useless bullshit. and i also wanna say, this is coming from my more fearful and hopeless point of view i try not to give into or share, but maybe we need to start pulling together our fandoms and communities irl, maybe we need to get ready to start groups, programs and other stuff for our states n all so we can still somewhat keep together even if its more local and seems impossible, maybe it'll be worth a shot if all shit goes to hell and so we don't have to fully lose things that we love, like out fandom communities, or writing communities. im too sure how itd work but i just thought id pitch a idea if all shit goes down the drain and we still need a upside to the hell or something.
heres some links ive found through others tumblr posts[all linktrees, carrds, etc go to their rightful owners ofc] and i highly recommend scrolling through the stop kosa and other related tags on here (Tumblr), reading up on everything and signing and doing everything you personally can, especially for those who can't do anything.
This was not heavily checked for spelling/grammar errors because im trying to not freak out and im also dyslexic lolz
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dungeonsandblorbos · 3 months
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hi! I love your blog! I didn't ever think of writing about ttrpg on my writeblr blog, so thank you for sending me down that tunnel! It's making me see my table top characters in whole new ways to think of them as oc's. (and honestly inspired by you im thinking of rebranding my blog to include ttrpg stuff now yay) Quick actual question, since this is an ask after all, how do you like to get to know a new oc when you have first created them?
aww, thank you! glad to know i can offer some inspiration there, and i look forward to learning about your PCs/campaigns too if you do end up posting stuff about them! 🥰
and ooh, that's a great question. there's a few different things i like
for my PCs, i usually only have vague ideas at first, so the process generally starts with me pouring over the rulebooks for the right class/subclass, background, feats, etc. to match the vibe i have in mind. this helps me narrow in on a more specific vision of the character and sometimes even gives me some new ideas to play around with. from there, it's often a lot of just writing things down, either in the character sheet or on my designated backstory doc, until it's time to actually play. it can take a few sessions to feel out a new PC and settle on how i play them, but i never really fully know them until i've "been" them, ya know?
if i'm getting ansty or want to do more character work in between sessions, i like working through lists of questions (especially when they're DM-provided). i really enjoy Ginny Di's POV Roleplay video series, especially this one: POV Roleplay: You're treated by a healer video link, as a more interactive style of questionnaire. essentially, Ginny takes on the role of a D&D-style NPC and has a "conversation" with you, with pauses in the video to allow you to respond in character. it can feel kinda silly at first, like a bizarro adult version of Dora the Explorer, but once you get comfortable with it, it's a pretty fun way to get into the character's headspace and explore how they think and interact with others in a zero-stakes, non-canon environment.
finally, i tend to do a lot of daydreaming and expanding their backstory doc. like, when i say that i am mentally ill about Cerris or Ariel, i am not exaggerating. i have hyperfocused on them to the degree that for, like, a month at a time, any time i wasn't actively focusing on something else, i was thinking about one of my boys. it's how i'd deal with long public transit to and from work when i didn't have headphones (and at least once missing my stop because i was too engrossed in blorbothinking). it's how i'd fall asleep. it's how a quick shower would turn into twenty minutes of me standing under the hot water not actually bathing, just thinking about character things. and Ariel's backstory doc (which also contains a good amount of worldbuilding content, as i got to help the DM develop the country he's from) has ballooned from its original, like, 4 pages to a solid 18-20. i have family crests and pedigrees and height comparison charts and explanations of noble social customs and naming conventions. it's ridiculous.
in a similar vein, i'll sometimes write letters and journal entries from their perspective, or random backstory scenes. these are especially helpful in getting a feel for the character's voice, which is a key part of writing and roleplay for me!
for non-PC characters, both player-created NPCs and OCs for non-TTRPG projects, i'll do some of the same things, but a lot of it ends up revolving around the simple question: what do i need them to do in the story i'm trying to tell? what characteristics and storytelling elements are going to best allow them to fulfill that goal? it sounds very formulaic and detached when i write it out like that, but in practice it feels much more personal, like helping a character discover their purpose in life
anyway TLDR: basically i give myself free reign to hyperfixate on the character and think about nothing else for at least a week straight 😂 when you spend that much time thinking about a character, it's hard to not figure out almost everything about them!
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themistressdomme · 6 months
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Hey 🤗 I wondered if you have any tips for fellow dommes who happen to be switches. See, I sometimes get halfway into a bdsm scene/session and find myself mentally slipping out of my dominance amd into sub space. How would you suggest keeping yourself in a dom headspace in these scenarios? is there anything that helps?
I feel like I can be really dom, then ill reach a certain point of desperation where I end up not being able to gather my words enough to be a dom and just want to be submitting and syart begging to be touched even if I was supposed to be the one in charge here. It can work just fine if I'm with another switch, but it can also be rather inconvenient especially when I'm with someoen who isn't a switch, if say they just need a purely dominant woman.
Thanks ❤
- 🐇 (im new here, but you may have seen me/know me on mommyghostfaces page lol)
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Hello darling! 🤗
Hm, that's such an interesting question! I can't say I'm an expert and that my answer will help since I've never been in your shoes before, but I can give you some suggestions? Purely out of my noggin!
Perhaps when you feel yourself getting really desperate, but you still want to maintain Domspace for reasons such as being with an entirely submissive woman, you make her touch you? (Obviously this is all consensual). Make her serve your needs. Some things that you could say, for example, are:
"Show me how much you want to pleasure me."
"Show me how good your hands/tongue/mouth are/is."
"Get on your knees, where you belong, and eat."
"[Insert your title here]/I'll be generous, touch me. Go on, show me how much you want me/how much you want to serve me/worship me."
Etcetera, etcetera!
Obviously I don't know what kind of Dom(me) you are, so I can't specifically give you a tailored set of examples to use. I hope I helped, even in the slightest! If you want to talk more about it, you can DM me, if you're comfortable! Otherwise, keep coming back in my askbox, lil fox! 🥰😘
🦊
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meatriarch · 7 months
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GET TO KNOW THE MUN !
what made you pick up the muse you have ? : stares at the roster: ...uhhh...well, maria i chose in a toss up at first between testing out between her and ana, but went with maria because i have a habit of picking up muses that are usually challenging to write from the start -- in this case being, how do you develop for a muse who haunts the narrative rather than is directly part of it. i also just enjoy taking and really going wild with the personal interpretation routes on characters, picking specific points and running with them which i did with maria, and which i did with danny and then nancy. just enjoy scruffing characters with just enough or barely anything to them and going wild. its like having a template at first lmao. and then my remake tcsm muses were picked up because im a 03-06 remakes truther, i just enjoy it more than i do the concept for the original timeline. i enjoyed the dynamics of the hewitts, i loved them as characters and im happy that although they arent part of the of timeline or the games', that theres people open to writing with them and indulging in my ( & lambs ) connecting of the families into one c: birdie's been a remake oc for years on & off, and then pepper i know is a recent add & havent gone over her yet but im re-crafting them both to make them a little more intertwined into the game canon (: but maria's my main muse because she'd just been so easy to write? which i havent had a muse take up so much headspace in some time now but i truly do adore her so much.
is there anything you really enjoy writing ? : unfortunately angst and darker themes to a point are my go-to's. im big on looking at complicated thought processes, on traumas, on grief and rage and how both manifest differently. im out of practice on alot due to writers block but i do remember a time when i was big on writing g.ore more viscerally than i currently do, but that was mostly one-on-one with a writing partner offsite. but i enjoy and typically am more interested in darker plots or connections; but im also a sucker for icky-sweet and endearing themes too c; i just often find myself feeling off about it at the start because i feel i come across cringy at times and i typically second-guess alot of the softer prompts i try writing for lmao but once certain dynamics get formed and im more familiar with who im writing with then it becomes easier c: its partly why im slower to ship with.
is there anything you don't like to write ? : i wont write Certain Brands of darker themes and i prefer not having them on the dash so i usually just wont follow if i see them being written by current or potential mutuals. but otherwise, theres not a whole lot that im exactly against writing. i wont really write usfw content unless ive been writing with someone long enough to feel comfortable with them ooc & if theres at least some chemistry between muses. everything else is just dependent i guess.
how do you come up with your headcanons ? : alot of it just comes in swinging, others are influenced and thought up following someone on the dash bringing up something or there being a random post that got reblogged / spotted that inspires it. some of it comes from just brainrotting backstory info, some of its from tt audio edits lmao or just tt in general sometimes. but ive written a whole mess of different types of characters, and sometimes certain aspects of past ones i feel can fit into current and so bits and pieces of those older characters sometimes get adopted into my portrayals here c:
do you write in silence or listen to music ? : depends!! alot of music DOES inspire alot of the writing! but oftentimes actively listening to music as i write distracts me too much. so ill often instead put on specifc songs in a queue to get myself in that vibe headspace for what im planning to write and and turn it off and dive in -- when, of course, the writers block fuckin' lets me write- lmao
do you plan your replies or wing them ? : i sometimes toss in little notes to myself in the drafts as i set them up, but otherwise? not really. im an A-thru-Z writer -- meaning alot of the time, when i start a draft i either write it out start to finish in one go, or thats the only one ill focus on to try and finish. if i bounce around between drafts like most people do i usually burn myself out for whatever reason. usually if i cant finish it in one session though i have a hard time revisiting it another day, because i lost that initial fuel for writing it through all the way. which is also part of why im fairly slow with replies, im sowwy- ;w;
do you enjoy shipping ? : yes!! i love it but im also big on building chemistry between them first and then going into that route if i feel they click. i dont autoship, even if the muses are in a relationship in canon. because sometimes its simply a matter of interpretation of canons that just dont mesh too well between how muns write them -- and thats okay! but once i feel that theres that connection between them, and doubly so if myself & the mun click ooc too? its so over. like for here especially, the dynamics between maria & lamb's johnny is my most ridiculous ship dynamic ive ever worked with and i love every second of it. the amount of different ways we've developed them for their different routes ( and that we're STILL adding to ) has been so much fun and i adore them so much for all the complicated ways their ship goes. c: but yes, i like exploring ships with people whether in fluff or dire or complicated or same stardust, it just very much depends on the chemistry aspect <3
what's your alias / name? : renee! my middle name c: but if you also call me by fog or creature im gucci. im the cryptid standing awkwardly in the middle of some dark dense trees that scurries away out of sight into the fog when im Perceived lmao
zodiac sign ? : im a capricorn moon, sun, and aquarius rising. (: im a multi-placement capricorn though.
Birthday? : january tenth!
favorite color ? : darker greens so -- viridian, platho, forest (:
favorite song? : uhh... its hard to narrow down so ill just say deftones' passenger / digital bath / entombed / s.extape / cherry waves / rosemary c:
last movie you watched ? : oh. uh. tv / movies i havent watched often at all in so long but hmm... honestly probably the remakes i think? to get clips from.
last show you watched?: haunting of hill house c;
last song you listened to? : rosemary -- deftones
favorite food ?: either carne asada fries / carnitas or salt & pepper wings (:
favorite season ? : autumn!
do you have a tumblr best friend ?: i think just from how we've clicked, i'd say lamb <3 just with how much especially we've crafted not just between maria & johnny but also with johnny & the hewitts c; however i'd also say rae & kels too! i love them all dearly and i send them kisses to the sky for being so much fun to have been writing with & getting to know for these past six months <3
TAGGED BY : yoinked from kels c:
TAGGING : anyone go ahead and swipe this <3
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cuntryhuman · 7 months
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CONTACT YOUR GOVERNMENT AND DEMAND A CEASEFIRE FOR PALESTINE
For Eu look up:
Voices in Europe for peace
For Usa look up:
US campaign for Palestinian rights
BOYCOTT FOR PALESTINE
FOA (Friends of Al-Aqsa) have organized a boycott in support of palestine. Here are the key companies to boycott:
HP (Hewlett Packard)
Coca-Cola
Israeli produce
We will be ending our call to boycott PUMA once the contract with IFA officially dissolves in 2024. Until then, we encourage you to continue boycotting PUMA products.
Please help to spread the word by sending this copypasta to as many blogs as you can and/or going to FOAs website where you can find posters to download and print out
I have. I have hundreds of times. But also as if now im trying to disconnect from the news because im fucking sick on the daily to the point i cannot move most days. I understand your reasoning, but also consider
I AM A CHILD
A CHRONICALLY ILL CHILD who KNOWS hes dying at twenty. I don't buy from the brands period because 1, i dont weird expensive/brand shoes, as im poor, i get my shit from handmedowns. 2, i *mostly* try to eat healthy through whatever the food pantry has.
Listen, i understand talking about it. it's a genocide. But you also have to consider
It's a genocide
Not everyones in the mental headspace to hear about it everyday, like myself. Right now im avoiding topic like this for several reason, me being sick for one, two im currently dealing with legal stuff relating to my moms ex boyfriend who SAed me, while being attacked on another blog and accused of faking my own race. Yes, it's bad. But god bringing awareness like this will only harm its purpose, especially for blogs like me that are personal blogs meant as a self escape.
Im trying, ok? But right now, im putting myself above all else as it's something I've never done, and it hurt me. Im trying to heal myself. This is the equivalent of those slideshows on TikTok that are " swipe 4 cute animal" then show you the most god awful things going on. again i acknowledge, this shts fucking AWFUL. but I as a human genuinely don't have an affect because im 1, too poor to afford first hand items. 2, too sick to be able to deal with myself and the stress of constant negative bombardment.
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angeldiaries777 · 1 year
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vent trigger warning: angeldiaries777
sowwy if theres any spelling mistakes uwu :p
in my little mentally ill brain i always can see where somebody is coming from and when anyone does anything i can always rationalize it even if its something gross or horrififc like my brain doesn't process that cuz im pretty sure im bi polar but anyway like i just justify what they're doing in my brain cuz i think like how i am impuslive sometimes and do/ used to do batshit crazy stuff mostly to harm myself rarely if ever others im rlly emotionally mature and kind but like not everyone knows me or my history/ lore as a person so they wouldn't get it so when someone is mean to me ( never happens anymore i never leave my room) but uhmm yeah like ill just think that its normal behaviour because especially a year ago and even a little before that even now i still have like really bad episodes and i just do things and say things i would never i think mine is cuz of social isolation and boredom at this point in my life but i would like just think oh what if they just randomly blurted out things they didnt know were true or didnt meant cuz i do that in social situations a lot like i just say a lot of random stuff or whatever my headspace is in that moment like everythings just gets blurry and i lie sometimes i used to but ive always been very brutally honest i just dont know this is one thing ive never told anybody and it freaks me out sometimes cuz im scared of fucking up one day purely accidently and having to face consequences so if anyone else also has this fear id love some reassurance
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