#i know it's december ok we're just going through it

[girlmikeyway]

affirmations

[l0sercat]

Ok stay w me on this being spider noirs vision of black cat and your his suspect so he trys to corner you at a bar dance thingy and it’s just the reader teasing him

Ooooo I like how you think 😏 Also I don't know much about Black Cat 😅 I don't know if this is more fem or neutral so I'll tag both but please correct me!

Spider Noir x Black Cat! Reader

Spider Noir was following you the whole night. You were going everywhere it's a wonder how you can just blend in. You went into a bar so he thought it would be perfect to finally corner and catch you.

He made his way into the bar and ignored the stares he got. All he was here for was you, you were the main suspect in a crime he was solving. He needed to question you but you are really hard to catch.

He makes his way through the dancing drunks and saw you at the bar. He sits in the stool next to you and orders whiskey. You glance at him and look away and then looked again to process the fact that Spiderman is next to you. He lifted his mask to where his lips only showed and took a sip.

He glanced at your surprised face morph into a amused one. Your lips curled into a smirk and you placed your chin in your hand. Spider Noir pulls down his mask after finishing his drink and pays. He then fully turned to face you and opened his mouth to speak but you interrupted him.

"So what's a handsome man like you following around a woman like me?" You asked. He stared at you and let out an exasperated sigh. "Where were you the night of December 7 of this year?" He asked. You let out a dramatic gasp "Your not supposed to be in a woman's business y'know? It's quite rude have you never been taught manners?" You said grinning

His eye twitched in annoyance and he persisted on asking questions. But you keep on avoiding them and just flirt with him. "So for our next date how about you take me to a nice restaurant instead of this cheap place I feel like a prostitute" you lean in closer and drop your voice to a whisper "If you really want to know then come with me to my place" You winked and leaned back.

He sighed for the umpteenth time and stood up. "Well if your going to be no help-" he started. Your eyes widened slightly and cut him off and stood up as well. You leaned into his ear and whispered "If you really want to know meet me on the roof" you then exited the building.

He soon followed suit and went on the roof. He saw you there and let out a cough causing you to look at him with a smile. "How romantic of you to take me to a rooftop, what are you gonna do? Have your way with me?" You say and make your way towards him. "Look I came here for information about the murder that happened if you don't have any then we're done here" he backs up and stands straight.

"Aw come on can't we have a little fun first..." You pout and he rolls his eyes "No because I don't have time for it" "Guys are always impatient with foreplay..." You mumble "Fine if you take me on a nice dinner date or maybe even a rooftop date then I'll tell you everything you need to know" you smirk at him. He ponders for a moment and then shakes his head. "I'll take you on one date and then after it your going to tell me everything I need to know" he said glaring "Yes sir" you said and winked at him before leaping off the roof and disappearing into the night. Leaving him to question his sanity and patience.

[asteroidzzzn]

dance, baby!

pairing: dancer!reader x soccer!ellie

warnings: cursing, reader is delulu and very anxious

word count: 1.6k

a/n: fear not this is definitely not a self insert bc im a dancer whattttttt lol... first fic im posting to tumblr im nervous!

summary: show days were always nerve-racking no matter what. the chaos backstage, constant injuries, and pressure to impress your instructors. it definitely didn't ease your nerves to see that ellie williams had showed up, and was sitting in the front row.

༊*·˚

while the techies adjusted the lighting in the box, you and your friends peeked through the curtains at the murmuring audience beginning to take their seats.

"oh my god, almost all the seats are full!" your friend whispered beside you.

"yeah..." you trailed off, scanning the audience for familiar faces. you giggled when jade pointed out your math teacher in the third row, and your history teacher in the fifth who had brought his two daughters.

you fell silent when your gaze fell to the first row, near the dead center of the stage. ellie williams. she told you she would be sure to come see you dance, but you didn't expect her to actually follow through.

jade poked your side when she noticed your expression.

"hey, you ok? i know it's a lot of people watching but we'll do great."

"i'm fine," you backed away from the curtains. "we should start warming up." she agreed and followed you to the green room. as you walked, your mind wandered to the last time you saw ellie.

ellie made herself comfortable by immediately falling to your bed one the two of you arrived. as you took out your chromebook and notes to begin working on your project, she studied your room.

"sorry it's a bit messy, i didn't plan to have anyone over," you softly spoke up, slightly embarrassed that a girl you just met saw the clutter in your room. especially a pretty girl.

"dude if you think this is messy, you should see mine," she snickered. suddenly her eyebrows raised at the sight of your trophies, medals, and plaques presented on the top of your dresser.

"woah, what's all that for?"

"oh, they're all from dance," you shrugged.

"no way, this one has your name inscribed on it! that's so cool."

you smiled at how amused she was. it was cute.

"are you in the shows the school does? "

you nodded and pushed your chromebook screen slightly down, finding talking to her already more interesting than the project you were supposed to be working on.

"there's a show coming up soon, actually. i'm pretty nervous. we're going all the way to the rose."

her head tilted to the side, as if to ask what that was. you explained the theatre's significance, and whatever more she asked after that. within thirty minutes, she knew all the drama between the dance team, and basically your whole backstory regarding dancing.

she gushed about soccer, and you both found you were unexpectedly very similar. extremely dedicated to your crafts, having the best friends on the best teams, and the shittiest coaches in the universe.

your schoolwork was long forgotten at the foot of the bed as you two laid on your backs staring at the ceiling lit up by glowing star stickers.

"so, your shows this weekend?"

"yeah."

"what's it about."

"ellie, it's december, and this is a dance show. think very carefully."

"umm, christmas themed?"

you laughed, "it's the nutcracker."

"that seems awesome. are you the main girl? y'know, the one that cracks the nuts."

she giggled at her choice of words while you rolled your eyes.

"no, it's always the same girl every year. i'm in the russian, snow, and rats."

she slapped the bed with a gasp and sat up. "oh my god. now i have to see it. you jumping around in a rat costume will be hilarious."

your hands covered your face as you laughed, "no, you can't go see it! that's embarrassing."

"i'll be front row recording. and i'll give money to your dance team, so you should be happy."

"ugh, i'm gonna kill myself," you attempt to sound upset at what you thought was an empty promise, but you can't seem to chase away the smile that appears whenever she speaks.

to be honest, you couldn't understand why you were so nervous. ellie was just another one of your friends at your show. nothing more. just a friend that you had talked to once. that paid $25 to see you dance. and drove 40 minutes to a fancy theatre.

you groaned. i'm so delusional, you thought. everything is fine.

you only danced in the second act, so you decided to sit backstage and read a book to pass the time.

as you lounged on a prop couch, you heard a shriek coming from the wings. you placed your book down and cautiously entered sidestage, and a small crowd started to trickle in.

your heart dropped when you saw jade wincing and sobbing while clutching her ankle. your instructor barged in behind you, shoving past the group of worried girls surrounding jade. the show was only on the party scene, where jade—who played fritz and many other important roles in the show—just ran off.

"what is going on here?" she hissed, grabbing jade and pulling her into the green room.

jade sniffled as she stumbled through the door. "i twisted my ankle...i'm sorry."

the instructor sighed, attempting to release some tension.

"don't apologize, it happens. but who will be fritz for the rest of the show? you're also the lead for russian, so you need to get to teaching one of your friends your choreography and quick."

jade nodded rapidly.

you were both terrified and honored that you were her first choice as an understudy.

jade hugged you one final time in the wings before your cue.

"you're gonna do amazing," she whispered in your ear, rubbing your back soothingly. she pulled away and squeezed your shaking hands.

"you know this. you're the fastest learner i know. go out there and kill it."

you shut your eyes and exhaled. you nodded and turned away, prepping to run onto stage.

the overhead light turned purple. yellow. white. you were on stage. it was thrilling. horrifying. the lights blinded you as you kept your eyes as far away from the audience as possible. as far away from her as possible.

but you couldn't resist. you desperately needed to know what ellie looked like as she watched you.

her eyes sparkled under the lights. she was dangerously close to you, leaning forward in her seat, which allowed you to catch a glimpse at the hint of a smile. she seemed utterly entranced by you.

but, you allowed yourself to look for a second too long. as you attempted to rise onto the top of your box to finish off the last set of turns in the dance, the stage failed you. your foot slipped out from underneath you and you came tumbling down, landing on your back.

you swiftly rose up, placed your arms in the ending position, propped one knee up, and gave the audience a smile, as if it was the plan all along to end up on the floor.

you rushed side stage after curtsying a final time, and your lungs felt as if they were on fire. tears stained your perfectly made-up face, and your head spun.

it was extremely embarrassing that the only thought on your mind at the time was about ellie.

you needed fresh air.

the halls were crowded with dancers rushing towards the lobbies to greet their loved ones that came to watch. you pushed through the people and pried the back door open.

you let out a huge sigh of relief as the cold wind hit your face. you slowly sunk to the concrete and rested your head on your knees, attempting to take deep breaths.

after about ten minutes of intermission had passed, you shot up, realizing you almost fell asleep. the past few hours were packed with so much stress it had you completely exhausted.

you pressed your hands on the floor and stood up, reaching for the door back into the dressing room. you paused when you saw someone peek around the corner of the brick wall.

you froze when you saw ellie cautiously step into the breezeway, holding something in her hands. oh my god. did she get flowers?

your mind rushed with questions and thoughts, simply staring at her now standing in front of you, flowers in hand.

you decided on, "those for me?"

ellie chuckled nervously.

"yeah, i saw everyone else getting them, so i figured i would too. they were pretty cheap and they're the same color as your tutu..." she gestured between the blue flowers and your costume, "i thought you'd like them. i know it's only the middle of the show, so it's actually kinda weird, i guess, but..." she appeared unsure of herself as she spoke. you hoped she could see the harsh blush that suddenly grew on your cheeks as a sign that you loved them.

"i- wow, thank you. trust me i don't think it's weird. i didn't even expect you to show up, to be honest..." you grabbed the flowers and began fidgeting with the petals.

"well i'm glad i did. it's really cool. and the snow part was beautiful."

you scoffed. "yeah, i'm sure i was the most gorgeous dancer on stage with that graceful landing."

she frowned when you quickly wiped your eyes. "you're really hard on yourself, i thought it was still great. and you pulled it off better than i ever could've."

you tilted your head down to hide the smile growing on your face, leaving a slight pause. "i should head back now, i'm sure my friend jade wants to see me."

she nodded and stepped back, swaying on her feet. "yeah, yeah... i'll... see you later, good luck." she began walking to the front of the auditorium.

"thank you again, ellie," you called out to her before disappearing behind the metal door.

as soon as you entered the dressing room, your back pressed against the door, hands clutching the small bouquet, and heart racing.

what was that!?

༊*·˚

a/n: aw they're awkward everyone point and laugh! this was supposed to be a one shot, but i got carried away, so part 2 soon! any feedback is greatly appreciated (*^▽^*) also fun fact this whole thing is based on how my friend got asked out by their now gf, how adorable i love them. for reference, i imagine ellie and reader in this as 15,16,17 ish so in high school, but u can picture whatever floats ur boat, it's just a more innocent and lighthearted little story (✿◠‿◠)

[pastafossa]

How do you get past writer's block? I have a fic that I'm working on that is updating on a schedule, and I made the mistake of giving myself a month off in between parts and now I can't really get back into writing it. I don't want to leave it abandoned because I have a few people who I know are really invested and I don't want to leave them hanging, but I'm having a hard time getting as excited to write it as I did before.

Ok so I'm in a weird place for this, hilariously. Because The Answer That Usually Works For Me (TM) and that carried me through a regular weekly update schedule for almost two and a half years is, in fact, not at present working for me apparently my brain can write through a pandemic but not through recovery from the shit that went down in December/Jan so we found my writing kryptonite. However, I'm going to assume you're closer to 2021 Pasta than 2024 Pasta. SO LET'S GO WITH THE METHOD I NORMALLY USE SINCE IT WAS SUCCESSFUL FOR YEARS. Cause that's the thing: sure, I've written almost a million words, and pumped out chapters for years (ignoring the past few months) but I promise, I hit the same walls as everyone else even when nailing weekly uploads. But over those years, I came up with a fairly solid list of steps that I'd go through one by one.

Fun one first: when I'm in a block, I almost always try re-engaging with canon first. I'd rewatch my favorite episodes, binge a whole season, or even the whole series depending on how much of a boost I needed. For me at least that was often like Pavlov's bell, my favorite story triggering a flood of affection. I'd remember why I loved this fandom and the characters so much, and it could often kickstart my brain and excitement back into gear. If you really want to dangle a carrot and your fic touches on canon, focus on watching parts you're excited to get to in your story. A big one for me in TRT for example was the post-Nobu, Nelson v. Murdock episode, since I'd had that planned for TRT almost since the start, and I was very excited to reach the hurt/comfort I had planned. Even if your fic isn't following canon though, see if it'll give you a creative rush again!

So let's say step 1 doesn't work, either because the canon just isn't hitting the spot or because your fic is dealing with something else. In this case, my next step was usually to jump ahead to write a scene I was really eager to get to. It was often a short blurb, but it was always something I REALLY wanted to explore, and because I'm also a reader who likes exactly the tropes and plots I'm writing, I want to read what fucking happens. Except, fuck, I'm not there yet, am I? And I can't see how that scene finishes until I write my way up to it and finish it. This is my own carrot. Multiple scenes in TRT were written months or even years in advance, simply as a way to bribe myself. This is also an option!

But maybe this doesn't work. Sometimes it didn't. This is when it got a bit more serious. For anyone who was reading at the time, you'd have noticed that I'd sometimes drop side fics, either Matt POVs or one-shots. This was me, in essence, working on the shower principle (basically, ideas/solutions will come if you stop thinking about it and do something else, like take a shower). I figured if I went and wrote something else - either with less stress, or something fun and dopamine-inducing - the part of my brain focused on my Big Fic would wander around the writer's block beneath my notice. And it almost always worked, all while I still kept my brain trained that, hey, even if we're not writing This Thing, we're still writing.

But let's say this doesn't work either. You're well, and truly, stuck. Been there now and then. And, you're going to hate this one. I hate it but it works 9 times of 10. And it is: Write anyway. Half of it was spite. I was not going to give up my schedule, I liked my schedule. The other half was that I knew myself. I knew if I could just get past the chapter/plot/dialogue I was struggling with, I'd be able to roll along again. And so I made a rule: whatever I wrote didn't have to be pretty. It just had to exist. If that meant I wrote, "Jane chased the cat in circles and caught it. She was happy." then that's what I wrote. Because everything, EVERYTHING, can be fixed in editing. But you can't fix what doesn't exist. And so there were those nights when I would scowl and groan and snarl and bash my head against that writer's block until 5 in the morning, but in the end Jane chased that fucking cat adn caught it, it was written. Hilariously, sometimes those chapters have wound up amazing (likely because I spent so much time hammering at them) and reader favorites. There are absolutely, I believe, moments where you can, and should, see if you can push through.

But that brings me to *waves* now. A lesson I've only recently recently and with encouragement. Namely... sometimes brain no go and that's ok. My steps work for me 99.9% of the time, but I've done the above during the past few months, and it just... hasn't dragged me out entirely out of it yet. Sometimes, our brains demand that break, especially when things just aren't going great. There's a reason TRT had a break of roughly 2 years between chapter 4 and chapter 5 (feel free to check the chapter index with dates on AO3!). I had some life things happening and I just was not in a place to write, even if I was still busily plotting and planning and thinking about TRT behind the scenes. And that was ok. We're not machines. I came back like a bulldozer in Jan 2021, yes, and bulldozed through weekly updates, but that break was needed. And now I'm obviously taking a short one again while I recover from everything. It's ok if you're not in a place for it. So the last step is one I've been told a lot by dear friends recently as they helped me through this: be kind to yourself, and try not to stress if none of the above works. The story will always be there, and if TRT is any indication through all its highs and lows, your readers will be there when you start up again.

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- Goodbye 2011

2011

Part 16

18th December 2011 London

Nervously I jump around on the spot hearing thefans all scream just as the VT comes on introducing us

"Ok huddle" Liam says with his arms out. We all huddle together "we are only ever going to get one first show. Let's make this count. I know we're all nervous, but let's go out there and just have a good time. Let's smash it'

"Let's go!" Harry yells making me laugh as we all run on stage holding our microphones and immediately Na Na Na starts playing. After our first song we then sing Stand Up then Wish "Good evening London!" Harry says at the end of the song "t'night is the start of our tour so we want you to sing as loud as ya can t'night. When we first got together we spent a lot of time at my house with a guitar around the fire singing some of our favourite songs. So that's exactly what we're gonna do f'you right now"

Finally it's time for our little medley/solo songs. I sit down between Harry and Zayn. First up is Zayn with I Got A Feeling, then Niall sings Stereo Hearts. As usual I do the high harmony while singing. Next up is Louis with Valarie, then it's Liam with Torn. Finally is my turn with I Wanna Dance With Somebody

"Clock strikes upon the hour" as I start singing I get to from my seat and walk towards the front of the stage "And the sun begins to fade. Still enough time to figure out. How to chase my blues away. I've done alright up 'till now. It's the light of day that shows me how. And when the night falls, loneliness calls" I turn to look at the boys smiling "Oh, I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody. Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody. With somebody who loves me" the boys then all join in "Oh, I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody With somebody who loves me" Harry and Zayn place their arms around my shoulders

“think we should do it one more time don't you?" Niall says

"This time put your hands in the air and clap along" Zayn shouts and we sing the last part of the song acapella.

19th December 2011 Westcliff-on- Sea

"I just want to say on behalf of all of us thank you for turning up here tonight your the best fans in the world and your also very good on Twitter" Zayn says into his mic

"We've actually been looking at our favourite tweets today" Liam says “Ah here they are"

"I traveled all the way from Yorkshire on a train to be here" Louis says

"Oooo I like this one. What have you asked for Christmas?" Liam says

"Another dog" I say into my making all the boys laugh

"And what did ya dad say?" Harry asks

"No" I pout "but I just think cookie is lonely and needs a friend"

"I swear your gonna have a zoo one day" Zayn

laughs into the mic

"This was my favourite tweet" I say and turn to the screen "bloody hell I think I need my eyes testing. Ok errrm 'what have you brought on tour with you from home? I've brought a few photos of my family and friends. Ni?" I look at Niall who responds

"Yeah same. Photographs and a few home comforts"

We go through some more tweets then move on to our next song.

21st December 2011 Wolverhampton

"Ok so tonight is a very special night. Tonight we are in Liams home town. Everyone make some noise!" I shout into my microphone and the fans all start screaming "ok, so, because we are here, Liams family have come out. Where are they?" I ask scanning the front row when I finally see them waving"hi!” I wave back “we hope you guys enjoy the show"

"YN isn't your dad here as well?" Louis asks

"He is! And he brought my baby with him!'

"Cookie she means cookie" Liam says

"She's still my baby. Anyway she's probably asleep in my dressing room, either that or I'm going to find some presents when I go back" I nervously laugh, but I know cookie is most likely asleep

“Now because it's a special night we want to hear how loud you guys can be. So this side of the room you've got me and Harry" Louis says

"This side you've got me and Niall" Liam says

"And you guys have the best. Me and Zayn! Whooo! We’re so going to win”

"Ok ok pipe down YN” Niall says laughing

“Ok so we want to hear you scream as loud as you can. Ready?” Harry says “on 3. 1, 2, 3” Zayn and I pull a face and shake our heads

“We can do better than that can’t we?” Liam says “on 3”

“1, 2, 3” Zayn and I look at each other and smile

“Ok now let the best group go. Are we ready?” I ask and hear cheers

“Ok 3, 2, 1” the middle group scream as loud as they can

“Ok well clearly we won” I say turning to the boys

“m’not so sure” Harry replies

“Maybe we should just get everyone to scream that way we all win”

“Niall ever the pleaser” i mutter “fine. Ok we can all win, but only because you all know Zayn and I won. Ok ready! 3, 2, 1….. woah I think they could hear us half way across the globe!”

“The next song we’re going to sing is Up All Night” Niall introduces the next song.

22nd December 2011 Manchester

“Ok guys the next song we got for you is one of the very first songs we recorded straight off the show” Niall says while I grab a drink. Harry hands me a towel

“Thanks I pant taking the towel from him”

“This is everything about you” the music then starts and Liam starts singing. During the chorus I find Alex standing in the front and sing to him. He blows me a kiss making me smile.

After Daniel does is guitar solo it’s my turn to sing

“And you have always been the only one I wanted. And I wanted you to know without you I can't face it. All we want to have is fun, but they say that we're too young. Let them say what they want” I sing going high at the very end and prolong the note while the boys start the chorus

“Give it up for YN!” Niall says as I end the note then join in with the final chorus.

We then run off stage to do a quick change. At this point I’m so used to changing in front of the boys and they are too. They respect me enough not to look. I check myself in the mirror

“Do you think I should go natural?”

“You want to go on stage nude?” Harry asks raising a brow at me

“No my hair” I laugh “I’m getting a little bored of the red hair”

“What is your natural colour?”

“Brown”

“Go for it you can always change it again right?” Zayn says

“Guys your needed back on stage” with that we run back on stage to sing Use Somebody.

23rd December 2011 Manchester

“So, get out, get out, get out of my mind. And come on, come into my life I don't, I don't, don't know what it is. But I need that one thing And you've got that one thing” we sing and at the end Louis and Liam drag me to the ground making me squeal. I sit on the floor and look at the boys as they get up

“Seriously? Why?” I laugh. Niall puts his hands out and helps me up

“Sorry YN but we had to. It’s the last night of the tour for this year” Liam says

“Speaking of, we just want to say that we are having such a good time tonight, but non of this would be possible without our incredible band. So let’s give it up John on the keys, Josh on the drums, Sam on base and last but not least Dan on the guitar!” Louis introduces the band. Each one then playing the tune to What Makes You Beautiful

“Please give it up for our amazing band” Zayn shouts “and who knows we might come back to that song later”

“We definitely will” I laugh

“Now like Liam said. This is our final tour date for this year. Tonight we will be traveling home back for Christmas. So I want us to sing a Christmas song, are you guys down for that?”

“Depends on the song” Zayn says laughing

“I want all of you to sing along. Oh I wish it could be Christmas…” I point my microphone and the fans sing “ohh I wish it could be Christmas…. so let… for Christmas! Whooo that was amazing” I smile

“M’surprised you didn’ make that into a competition” Harry says then immediately regrets “wait no…”

“To late” I smile.

[sarcasmandships]

his! do you have any peterick fic recommendations? i've already read all your works on ao3 and i'm waiting desperately for updates so until then i need something to read because i feel like i've already read soooo many fics and i'm running out of material plz help :)

hiiii, im glad you like my fics and I'm sorry im terrible at updating i used to be so consistent but uni is just killing me with assignments rn! but i promise the restaurant au will get an update soon and im planning to edit death by a thousand cuts before i add to it again cos im just not really happy with the quality of it, but that will also be coming soon i promise!

anyways onto what you're really asking about; recommendations. im not sure if you're looking for smut or stories with plot so here's just a mix of things i've really liked ( i suck at bookmarking things so I've just searched through my history and there's deffos stuff i've missed im sorry)

Literally just read kick me in the face & ask me how my head feels by fkingdeathwish today - devoured this in a few hours and this fic made me like stories in first person. its so good and also has the best andy/joe/pete friendship dynamics i was smiling the whole time. but also features a lot of petekey tho which might not be ur thing

(smut) going down, down by @pyrchance - i read this the other day and its 10/10

Anything by snitchesandtalkers but some of my favourites are i've been checking my list, crooked love, making out inside crashed cars (smut), silver screen dream, the antidote to everything (except for me), we're friends when you're on your knees (not finished but still so so worth reading), amateur pornographers (smut obvs), a little less 16 candles (a little more bite me)

brutal love by @notastumph- this one is so good but like i also had to take a 5 min break between chapters cos the angst and heartbreak was getting to me so much (in the best way)

and i'll burn by jiksa - just read the tags first

the house on rosewood lane by scarredsodeep - this one is so fucking good, i don't even like horror and i was obsessed with this and couldn't stop reading

hey doctor, i'm certifiable by derridoid (smut) - so good and the ending made me laugh sm

husband on the payroll by das_verlorence-kind - what can i say, i love the fake relationship trope

also ive changed my plea to guilty by das_verlorence_kind - again just check the tags incase it’s not ur thing

accidents will happen by rusty76

again pretty much everything by @annoyingpetekey but some favourites are (i just wanna) get some, so pretty (when you're on your knees), and come on (and fuck me like you doubt me) - all smut

That Schrodinger guy made some really good points, you know? by @earlgreytea68

but i'm reflecting light by looks_a_scream - this one is deffos a favourite

the purgatory of my hips by auralcosm

edgar allan potato by emeralcitydowntowngirl - another absolute favourite, i have such a soft spot for soulmate AUs but I've never read one as good as this, again features a lot of petekey but it is all in the past

to take what i'm given with grace by likeasugarcube - their whole 'marriage of convience' series is amazing but this is the main fic and it is sooo good

anything by littlesnowpea but favourites include love in the middle of a firefight, but there's no preparing for this, and nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy (pls read tags first tho)

december is for cynics by looks_a_scream - another favourite

secrets i don’t want to keep by perceived_nobility (although i think they’ve changed their name to invisible_man now) anyways this one is only accessible if you have an ao3 account but it is so so good an hurts in all the best ways, would advise paying attention to some of the tags tho

Also pretty much anything written by appleremix or vampyerika

Ok so I have like another 30+ pages in my history but this is already so long, so i hope you enjoy some of these assuming you haven't read them already!

[airenyah]

QL Wrapped 2023

i was tagged by @nongnaos and @ranchthoughts thank youuu <333

i meant to upload this at the latest by december 31st, but the thing is when i saw the tag i was a little overwhelmed at first bc i didn't know how to fill it out and then once i had it all written out i had a super hard time deciding on what to gif and then it all ended up taking soooo much longer than planned. and now it's already 2024. oops. well, better late then never...

so without further ado:

You watched 12 QLs this year that's about 264 hours!

(i'm counting only qls that started airing 2023 bc i didn't keep track of every single show that i watched and it's a lot easier to count all the 2023 dramas on mdl lmao)

You primarily only watched QLs from Thailand

i blame my bachelor thesis for this which i was writing on the translation strategies of thai to eng and also the fact that i'm learning thai, so any time i watch a series i'm like "do i watch something from a country other than thailand tonight??" only for a little voice in my head to go "yeah but you COULD be spending your evening practicing thai listening skills" so yeah...

You spent way too much time thinking about these characters: Pat Napat Jindapat

listen. LISTEN. i know ok, i know bad buddy is from 2021 not from 2023. however!!!!! bad buddy was part of our skyy 2 and that included my boy pat and so i'm counting it!!!! i'm always thinking about pat napat jindapat ok bye

no for real tho. i am NOT kidding when i say i have spent hours on end thinking about pat in the year of our lord 2023, two full years after the show dropped:

maybe in 2024 i'll finally sit down and write that meta that's been in my head for two years now

Your favorite show was Moonlight Chicken

it's gotta be the chicken show for me. yeah. it just felt so... idk, real in a way. idk how to explain it. i'm not even obsessing over mlc all that much but any time it pops into my head i go all kinds of 😭😭😭 and 🥰🥰🥰

not to mention the firstmix

the heartliming

and most importantly earth and fourth as an uncle/nephew duo??

i am so🥺🥺🥺

special shoutout also to jimbo the cat (left) who looks almost exactly like coco, my family's cat (right):

Another one of your favorites was Last Twilight

just. the way p'aof shows relationships on screen okay. yeah.

i cry

You are still stuck in this hallway:

yeah i've been thinking about the yank-kiss-yeet scene from hidden agenda and joke breaking down afterwards in that very hallway for 19 weeks straight gay. bye.

The soundtracks you listened to the most were:

(according to my spotify wrapped top 5)

Just Friend? (Bad Buddy)

Our Song (Bad Buddy)

น้ำลาย (My School President Cover)

Secret (Bad Buddy)

yeah. i've given up on the "only 2023 media" thing. if we're talking songs only from series released in 2023 then i've got love love love (our skyy 2) on no. 32 and no more empty nights (our skyy 2) on no. 46 on my spotify wrapped

also if you're wondering what the 5th song (on no.3 in reality) from my top 5 was that's missing above where i only mentioned four songs, well, it's none other than tilly birds' same page? which yeah. is also bad buddy related. surprise surprise 🤭

Your overall bl mood was P'Aof

You created 15 gifsets (of which "only" 1/3 were about making other shows about bad buddy)

you can find them here

You shazammed 295 royalty free background music pieces/songs from thai dramas

fun fact: i haven't mentioned this publically yet but since thai dramas keep using the same music over and over again in various series i've actually started collecting the different songs/pieces and i'm planning on making a side blog about it. i just want to go through some more dramas first before i publish anything. so this is something you can look forward to in 2024 dkjfkfdj

currently shazamming my way through bad buddy (you may have seen my blorbo breakdown about pran in the ep4 sleepover scene the other week that was triggered by me shazamming all of ep4). next on the list: theory of love and the eclipse. it takes ages tho, so don't expect it any time soon

Your favorite acting pair was JoongDunk

(is anyone even surprised by this lol)

no but for real whatever these two have going on, i'm intrigued:

i just. i love their energy ok. they're fun. and they're clearly having fun

i couldn't decide on what to gif so here's a little compilation bc fuck it, this is my post and i get to do whatever the fuck i want

(actually there's more that i could have put in there but i didn't wanna waste any more time with posting this tag game and also i was trying to keep the compilation somewhat short lmao)

they are such silly little idiot boys ("little" says the 155cm tall short person about the 180+cm giants 🤭) and i adore them &lt;3

their energy is essentially this meme and i'm so here for it:

and they just communicate so well when they're performing and you never feel like either of them is "alone" on stage (doing his own thing in his own little bubble), it's SUCH a joy to watch!!!! once again plugging two of my all time fave performances that i've been rewatching over and over again for the last 3 months:

also dunk is just SO little brother-shaped to me idek!! looking at his face just makes me go into big sister mode. it doesn't help that he's only like a month or so older than my actual little brother. AND he reminds me a lot of one of my fave kids from my youth group that i used to go to for years. dunk natachai has klein-andi energy and you all don't know what that means but i know what that means as does my mom and she agrees. so.

tagging:

i feel so ashamed for not making it in time before 2023 ended so i'm not gonna tag anyone but if you see this and you really wanna do it bc you haven't done it yet then please do so and tag me because i say so!!

and mutuals, send me yours bc i'm not sure i saw everyone else's!!!! (@celestial-sapphicss @moonkhao @visualtaehyun @telomeke @waitmyturtles @dribs-and-drabbles did you guys do this already and if yes, send me yours? i must have missed it 🥺🥺🥺)

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Wanna Hear a Joke?

A Maoist tries to explain Food Not Bombs to an anarchist.

That's it. That's the joke. If you were an anarchist, you'd get it.

I don't think they intended to explain it to me and the spouse, but they put up a flyer with a scannable code and we almost went to their event this weekend. Red and Well Read sounds like a group we could vibe with! But, uh, no. Not just no but HELL no. In fact, halfway through the article, I decided if I did go, I'd go with a protest sign. A very simple one with large print:

HUNGRY PEOPLE AIN'T LISTEN.

But that may be a bit reductive, and doesn't address the authoritarian need for cannon fodder that's all over this hot take. I don't want to roll up and try to get some authoritarians to listen to me, especially when they make it this clear they see me as a problem that needs solving. But I can typing! And the internet void beckons me to leave no thought unexpressed!

Food Not Bombs will tell you, in broad strokes, what they are about:

To combat poverty and homelessness

To facilitate community gatherings of hungry people

To allow anyone to volunteer to help cook, and then eat.

It's broad strokes because anarchists. If it's not working for us, we don't say "do it anyway," we hash out something that works for us. And, oh, boy, do tankies HATE that. They want to strongarm their way to a Revolution - somehow, they believe that will go well - and anything that gets in the way is a problem. You can't just feed people! That decreases their motivation and makes them dependent! (And conservatives agree with that! Which should be ringing alarm bells, but it never does.)

The point is that you CAN just feed people. You totally can. It's good for them, it's good for all of us, and if you're willing to push back against the status quo (and maybe go to jail or end up on the receiving end of some police brutality) you can do it.

If there is anything in that for "the Revolution" it's the simple fact that hungry people do not make good decisions, and anarchists (ancaps are not anarchists, please, I don't want to have that discussion!) want to help people make good decisions, because everyone has a right to self-determination - but if you're in a really bad place, you will not exercise that right responsibly.

And we don't know how to deal with that! (To be fair, we don't know how to deal with anything; we have ideas but we need YOUR input.) We'd rather just help get you to a better place and keep our fingers crossed for less toxicity. If you're not able to participate in the process of bettering the world, we need to make some adjustments so you can. A very simple thing to do is ask, "Are you hungry?" and go, "OK, let's eat!" And if, after they've eaten, they might not want to do your Revolution, WTF even is your Revolution? You need to starve people into cooperation? If you're willing to do that before you upend society, won't you be willing to do it afterwards? History says: YES!

History also says starving people are willing to throw in their lot with an authoritarian shitstain who promises to feed them eventually. Willing to kill for them, to die for them, to help them win elections. And this person will not necessarily have to deliver on the food if they don't want to. Deep down, that's what anyone arguing for this kind of "Revolution" wants. As if the only thing wrong with the status quo is who's in charge. All we need is one of those GOOD dictators. That definitely ain't it.

I really feel like I shouldn't have to explain this, but: the main goal of feeding people is to feed people. Are they eating? OK, then that's a win. If they get a little more radical by association, that's fine, they can come back and help cook, or come up with something else to do. But the food is not contingent upon the radicalization! We're not trying to train them like dogs! They are people! They need a little help and they'll probably get back on their feet if society stops kicking them in the groin. A human being needs no Master, and if they want one (outside of kinky playspaces!) something has gone wrong. They have a need that's not being met and they're trying to meet it in a bad way. So maybe we can help them meet it in a better way!

For all the above blog post insists that we must get out there and talk to people, it doesn't provide much space for listening. Y'all wanna get out there and talk AT the chronically unseen and unheard some more? "Hi! Would you let me dictate your needs today?" Maybe they will. Hungry people don't make good decisions. But they won't listen either. And you may find that most of them aren't willing to die for you like you want. Sometimes they are, but often they are not.

Can't we just help each other? One-to-one without anyone having to be the Boss of Help? A take-a-penny/leave-a-penny situation? If we can - safely, without the people in power trying to kill us for it - that's all the Revolution I need. And it's hard enough trying to get that.

Because authoritarians of any political stripe are scared to death of it, and they will try to stop us.

But we're not going away. And it's hard to sell us this bullshit - maybe a couple of us will buy, but not all of us. We don't march in lockstep. Anarchists will resist. And if that's not effective... Why does it bother you so damn much?

[oh-megamind]

Secret Santa Gift Exchange and Holiday Card Exchange

It's that time again! Time to share the joy and warmth of the holidays with the Secret Santa Gift Exchange and Holiday Card Exchange! :D I don't know how many people even visit this site any more but this is an event that has been popular in the past and I'm not about to let the tradition die! This community deserves a Mega-awesome holiday and we're going to make it one! :D But before I get to the rules etc. I need to call attention to one very important rule first:

Only sign up to participate if you intend and are able to send something in return. Let me put this another way as well: If you plan to receive something, send something. It is VERY unfair to everyone else if you sign up to participate, receive gifts and/or cards, but send out nothing. Now I understand that sometimes Life doesn't play out as we might wish; we may sign up fully intending to participate but then emergencies come up or paychecks fall through or any of a hundred different things that might force us to change our plans arise and that's fine -- BUT if something like this happens, please let me know BEFORE the e-mails go out, ESPECIALLY if you're participating in the Gift Exchange. It's only fair to ALL involved that if they spend their time and money (a luxury many of us may not have) to send out a gift to someone that they should have the joy of receiving one as well. If you sign up to participate, please hold up your end of the deal and send something out -- or at least let me know before the participation deadline (Thursday, November 30) that you can no longer participate so I can make sure everyone gets paired off with someone and no one gets left out. Let's make this fair and fun for all! :D Thank you.

OK, now, on to the fun! Everyone is welcome to participate regardless of country! I don't want to restrict this to the U.S. only; everyone is welcome to spread some holiday cheer! So don't let your location hinder you -- we'll have participants from all over the globe! Participation is simple! (As both the Secret Santa gift exchange and holiday card exchange require physical addresses to which stuff can be mailed, if you are a minor or whenever necessary, please get permission from your parents or guardian to participate. Thank you!) Here's how it works:

Send an e-mail to me (megamind@nycap.rr.com, no PM's please -- e-mail is easier to keep organized) with your name, username (or usernames and where from, like LJ, Discord, etc.), an e-mail address I can use to send the final list to, your address, and whether you want to participate in the Secret Santa gift exchange, the card exchange, or both. If participating in the Secret Santa gift exchange, please also include a few suggestions for gift types you might like. It's that easy! I will accept entries for both until Thursday, November 30 at midnight Eastern Standard Time (I'm choosing this date so that participants in both events will have a few weeks in which to send out their cards/gifts so they will arrive at their destinations before Christmas Day, December 25 :D). On Friday, December 1, I will send an e-mail to you with the information you'll need depending on which event you will be participating in!

The rules for the card exchange are simple: Everyone who participates in the card exchange will receive the addresses of everyone else participating, this way you can send cards to only a few on the list, or everyone! :D

The rules for the Secret Santa gift exchange are slightly more complex: There will be a $10.00 price limit on the gifts; this way no one person gets something super-expensive while others get less extravagant gifts. I just want to try to make it fair for all involved. :) Homemade gifts are acceptable too if you get the itch to make something! (All I ask is that if it's Megamind related, like artwork, please scan it/take a photo of it and post it to the community after your recipient receives it in case they are unable to do so; this way the rest of us can share in the goodness! :D Please keep any artwork rated G though. :P) The key here is to have fun! The recipients will have no idea who their Secret Santa is until they receive your package in the mail! That said, here's how the names will be paired for the Secret Santa gift exchange: On December 1, after I've gathered all the participating names together, I will throw them all in a hat and draw names at random. First name drawn will give a gift to the second name drawn, second name drawn will give a gift to the third name drawn and so forth, with the final name drawn giving a gift to the first. This way everyone gets one gift and no one knows who's getting who what! ;D However, if you could send me a few suggestions for things you might like along with your interest in participating I can forward those ideas to your Secret Santa so they'll be able to better personalize their shopping for you! <3 One last thing to note (since this question has come up) is that I cannot fix the results of the random drawing to guarantee a local pairing with your recipient; sometimes I may only have one entry from, say, the U.K. for example, so fixing the results is not only unfair to all but is also impossible. No one will know before the drawing where their gifts will be sent, so all who participate understand and accept that it's possible their match may live in another country.

If you have any questions, please e-mail me at megamind@nycap.rr.com. No PM's please. I will not see them so it's better to e-mail me. XP

And there you have it! This should be easy enough to organize, and loads of fun to participate in! I, myself, will be participating in both the Secret Santa gift exchange and the card exchange! Let the fun begin! :D Happy Holidays, Everyone! <3

[jungle-angel]

🌺🎄Mele Kalikimaka🎄 49.

The kids writing letters to Santa

With Bob

I need to see this auggie's letter to Santa pls!

And thanks for the update abt his first drink with Phoenix so excited to hear it!

EEEEEEEEKK!!!! A iā ʻoe nō hoʻi e kuʻu hoaaloha (And to you as well, my friend). Sorry, I had to use translate for that one, I've picked up a little of Hawaiian here and there but definitely not fluent (lol).

December 14th, 2022

Bozeman, MT

"So are you ok picking them up and bringing them home?" Bob asked Jake over FaceTime.

"I've gotta run up that way anyways and grab the girls from school," Jake informed him. "You guys need anything before the storm hits?"

"I might need Evan Williams with extra honey," Bob chuckled. "It's gonna be a long night from the looks of it."

Jake laughed and shook his head before he hung up. Bob stuck his phone back on the charger before he made his way back over to where you were snuggling with Deidre, quietly rocking her to sleep as a movie played in the living room and the wooden rocker creaked a little bit. "Thing's getting kind of old huh?" you chuckled.

"Great-great-grandpa Jacob had it built when he came home after World War One," Bob explained. "Dad was always afraid it was gonna break one of these days but it's sturdy as ever."

You smiled a little bit as Deidre turned her head in a little bit, still asleep with the tip of her little nose brushing against the threads of your sweatshirt and through the layers against your nipple. "Guess our little snow bunny's getting sleepy," Bob remarked, his hand brushing the thin little wisps of blonde hair on her head.

"Let her sleep," you told him. "When Auggie and Patrick come home, she's going upstairs and those two are either gonna hang with their ants and uncles or your mom and dad are gonna come and get'em."

"I already bribed Dad into coming and getting them," Bob chuckled. "The squad on the other hand....."

You laughed a little bit, knowing that Penny and Maverick, Rooster and the rest of the gang already had their hands full with their own little brood of kids. You heard a truck pulling into the driveway and Jake entering the house with Auggie, Patrick and his twin girls.

"Momma!!! Momma!!! Daddy!! We wrote letters to Santa at school today!!" Auggie declared excitedly.

"Oh you did?!" you asked.

It was times like this that you, Bob and the others were relieved beyond words that you had sent the kids to one of those hippie schools that allowed the kids to write letters to Santa and do all of the other things that you and the gang remembered doing as kids......even snowball fights during recess.

Auggie quickly dug his envelope out of his Luke Skywalker backpack and handed it to Bob who carefully opened the envelope and read the letter.

"Dear Santa, please send my Dad two billion dollars and a fighter jet for Christmas," Bob read aloud before you, him and Jake burst into an unexpected bout of laughter.

"And please help me find my pet iguana, his name is 'Chicken Nugget, but we call him Nugget sometimes," Bob continued on, wiping away a tear from his eye. "I think he ate too many of Mimi's brownies, got fat and couldn't get out the dog door. Please help us find Chicken Nugget if you see him. P.S, my brother Patrick wants some roast beef, a chicken, a pizza......"

You guys could hardly contain your laughter, even as you carried Deidre back up the stairs to quickly put her in her crib. When you came back down, Jake and Bob were all practically in stitches.

"Think this is worth sending to the others?" Jake asked.

"Oh believe me it'll be worth it," Bob answered. "And just so you know, we're showing these to the kids when they go off to college."

[birdmitosis]

Ship fanmix for Voice of the Cold/Voice of the Paranoid from Slay the Princess. If you can tolerate pain, can you tolerate joy? (Art credit to @phospolipid-bilayer, right here!)

Acceptance - So Contagious Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected And I can tell you I've been moving in so slow Don't let it throw you off too far Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?) To say you're the only one breaking me down like this

aeseaes - Mahogany String his neck, would you, would you? Steer this wreck, would you, would you? Tease me, torturous, bend to your death I give in easy, hold me now I'll be reckless, not yet

Andy Grammer - Fine By Me And it seems that every time we're eye to eye I can find another piece of you that I don't wanna lose I'm just saying it's fine by me if you never leave And we can live like this forever, it's fine by me

Angus & Julia Stone - Just a Boy Girl, you make me want to feel Things I've never felt before Girl, you make me want to feel Did I say I'm just a boy? You can hold me to that

Cash Cash - Surrender I was running on an empty heart Not a trace of gasoline Trying to dim every single spark That could hurt, that could burn all of me

Charlotte Martin - Four Walls Here is the part you reach for me Say that you have no need of this Say it again, again, again, again Head up straight, I know what I'm doing Head up straight, I know what I'm doing (I don't)

girl in red - i wanna be your girlfriend Oh Hannah, I will follow you home Although my lips are blue and I'm cold I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath Oh Hannah, oh Hannah, oh Hannah, oh Hannah

Holly Conlan - OK I build up walls no one can climb And I tear them down, this process takes up all my time And now I'm confused on top of it all I was ready to lose and ready to fall But then something about the way you look at me It makes it feel okay, you make it feel okay

Jaymay - Sycamore Down I'm just a cloud, I'm not proud Of how I've been dealing with things No one's allowed into my world To see how I'm feeling If this isn't love What is love if this isn't love?

Keaton Henson - Limb And I will shed my skin Oh, to let you in So lay down your guns for me I'm only temporary

Maria Mena - Just Hold Me But if I wanted silence I would whisper And if I wanted loneliness I'd choose to go And if I liked rejection I'd audition And if I didn't love you, you would know And why can't you just hold me?

Motion City Soundtrack - L.G. FUAD Yeah, so I'm already dead On the inside, but I have learned to pretend It's the only way I have learned to express myself, through other people's descriptions of life I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless (In this department)

Of Monsters and Men - Love Love Love Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person Well baby, I know Oh, cause you love, love, love When you know I can't love So I think it's best we both forget before we dwell on it...

Ricky Montgomery - This December Well, this December, I'll remember Want you to see it when I do It's this state in this state I'm living in It's just a little bit, it's just a little bit lonely in this home It's always colder on your own My darling I, I let the season change my mind

Sharon Van Etten - It's Not Like Take both my hands, tie them behind my back To keep me from holding, from holding, from holding But that's so unlike myself And it's not like I have anyone to hold, or do I want to? These eyes, this heart, these arms have held almost everything But not you, but not you, but I want to

Bonus: DECO*27 - The Vampire (Rachie English cover) Back and forth from good to bad in every heartbeat Let's turn that fear of yours into something sweet Acting like I just don't care and yet I'm feeling everything The distance tears me open, holding back all emotion But if I keep tempting fate then it'll crush me 'till I finally break

(All fanmixes are a perpetual WIP.)

[herehavesomeheadcanons]

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 8 Christmas Trees!

Tamaki Amajiki

💙🐱Let's be real here, getting the tree set up is a group effort with the whole big three. Although… Tamaki isn't much help. Mirio had the bright idea to visit a Christmas tree farm so you guys could pick out and cut down your own tree.

💙🐱It was cold and snowy, as most December days tend to be unless you happen to be anywhere south of Kentucky (*realizes Japan is south of Kentucky* FUCK- oh well). You guys were so caught up in arguing over what was the best tree that you didn't realize you had lost Tamaki! You eventually found him hiding in the middle of a grove of fir trees, just chilling. He looked so adorable that you couldn't help sneaking a cuddle session with him!

💙🐱Once you finally settle on a tree and get it home, Mirio and Nejire are struggling to get the tree to stand upright in the stand. You and Tamaki are standing by giving directions ("a little bit left… now right…" "that's too much! It's gonna fall down!" "Shhhh Tamaki it's fine.").

💙🐱Decorating goes pretty smoothly after Tamaki's initial panic attack about the tree falling down. Nejire uses her quirk to fly up and get the ornaments on the highest bows, Mirio is just tall enough to get most of the middle of the tree, and Tamaki sits on the floor slowly hanging icicle decorations. If you want to help hang ornaments higher, Mirio can give you a boost (and give Tamaki another panic attack while he's at it!)

Fyodor Dostoevsky

🖤🐀Decorating with him is not a group effort. He wants it to be a special moment for the two of you, and Nikolai's antics would absolutely ruin the romantic feel. Don't even try to act sympathetic for that crazy clown, you KNOW I'm right.

🖤🐀He'll take you to a Christmas tree farm because it feels more authentic, and real trees smell better than fake ones anyway. Also there's less of a chance he'll be recognized as a terrorist in a small town. Despite being an anemic wreck, Fedya is not bothered by the cold in the slightest. He's Russian, what did you expect?

🖤🐀Ok now here's the funny part. Even with all his careful calculations about the correct tree size… he still can't get the tree in the stand without help (I'm taking FULL ADVANTAGE of his canonic anemia for full comedic potential!) He'll struggle for a good hour and a half on his own before he finally asks for help. ("Myshka… could you please lend me a hand? I seem to have overestimated my strength…")

🖤🐀Other than that everything goes smoothly. For a rat, Fyodor has a great sense of style, and is slightly obsessive about how the tree is decorated. The lights have to be in perfectly neat spirals, as do the tinsel and garland. And the ornaments have be color coordinated.

Gaara

❤️🏜️How you got a Christmas tree in the desert I have no idea, but we're gonna say ninja magic because why the fuck not. It's Christmas, not everything has to be well-thought out.

❤️🏜️You'll be decorating with Kankuro and Temari as well. Family has to stick together around the holidays!

❤️🏜️Temari is the neat freak, Kankuro is the slob, and Gaara is just happy to be there. While Temari is repositioning Kankuro's ornaments and hitting him with whatever she happens to have on hand, Garra is just calmly hanging ornaments on the tree with a small smile on his face. It's really cute!

❤️🏜️If you want to reach the highest branches, Gaara can definitely give you a boost. No need for dangerous ladders, he'll lift you up with his sand. It's much safer!

Ling Yao

👑💛Knowing Ling, there is no way you guys went and got your own tree. You just hijacked Ed and Al's Christmas! The Elric brothers were just minding their own business trying to untangle the lights, when you and Ling just popped in through the window!

👑💛It's an entertaining afternoon, to say the least. Ling has no idea what he's doing, but he's certainly eager to help out (even if he's not actually much help…) Ed is going to get mad and start screaming at something every 5 minutes. The lights won't untangle, he's too short to reach a certain branch, Ling took the ornament he wanted to hang, etc.

👑💛Ling seems to have a fun time getting on Ed's nerves, honestly. He knows Ed can't do shit about it cause he's the emperor, and he's living for it.

Zenitsu Agatsuma

💛⚡Decorating with the Kamaboko squad is definitely something. They all have such wildly interesting personalities!

💛⚡Of course you have to go get your own tree. Inosuke definitely wants the biggest tree in the whole forest! But Tanjiro and Zenitsu are both a bit more practical, so they're the ones that ultimately end up deciding. Zenitsu whines about the cold the entire time, and only shuts up when you wrap an arm around his shoulder and hold him close while you walk. Then, suddenly, he's not cold anymore.

💛⚡Tanjiro and Inosuke try to work together to get the tree in the stand while you and Zenitsu stand by and give directions. Inosuke is not good at following directions at all, but he's strong.

💛⚡Insouke keeps trying to climb the fucking tree to hang ornaments on the highest branches, and knocking other ornaments down in the process. Tanjiro is the peacekeeper. Nezuko is just happily hanging ornaments on the lower branches. Zenitsu is constantly screaming at Inosuke. It's utter chaos.

Obanai Iguro

🖤🐍Decorating with Obanai is very much not a whole squad activity. Obanai is a bit of an introvert by nature, so he'd rather it just be the two of you (and Kaburamaru). There will be time to decorate a tree with the whole Hashira gang later, but now is not that time.

🖤🐍Yes, you have to go cut down your own tree. Thankfully, Obanai is not obsessive about this process at all. He's perfectly content to let you handle it, and then he'll help you carry it home.

🖤🐍Putting the tree up also doesn't take much time. He might not look it, but Obanai is pretty damn strong (for a 5'3 severely underweight stick figure who doesn't eat-). He's also generally good at following your directions.

🖤🐍Perhaps one of the least obsessive men out there when it comes to decorating. He's not haphazard and chaotic, but he isn't going to reposition your ornaments when you're not looking. He's just a sweetheart, honestly. His only request is that Kaburamaru can put the star on top of the tree!

Freed Justine

❤️🎄Decorating a Christmas tree with a Christmas tree? Fantastic! Throw in the whole Thunder Legion and you've got a recipe for a fun Christmas!

❤️🎄Team bonding time arguing over which tree is the best! You and Bickslow don't actually have an opinion, you're just giving Freed and Ever a hard time for shits and giggles. Eventually Freed will pick out a spectacular tree, once he learns to just ignore your pretend opinions!

❤️🎄It takes forever to actually get the tree set up, because Ever is the one directing the boys which way they should tilt it to get it perfectly even. It doesn't help that you're giving them wrong directions just to mess with them! ("Left… bit more right… now left… bit more… right…" "Ever, can we please hurry this up? My back is starting to hurt." "You're doing great Freed! Tilt it more forward, towards us!" "No that's not right, don't listen to her!" "Y/n, please-")

❤️🎄After like, 2 hours of torture for Freed and Bickslow, you can finally start decorating! Evergreen is still being obsessive over every detail, and repositioning everyone's ornaments. Bickslow likes to mess with her by putting ornaments in the worst possible spots. You and Bickslow are also definitely trying to secretly hang some of the smaller ornaments in Freed's hair. You make it a competition to see who can get the most ornaments in his hair without him noticing! ("Hm… that's strange. I could have sworn there were more of these ornaments, but I don't see them on the tree…" *barely stifled snickering* "what's so funny, you two?")

Envy

🌴🖤Ah yes, chaos time. When you dragged a whole pine tree into the house, Envy was definitely curious. ("What the hell are you doing, human?" "It's a Christmas tree, Envy.")

🌴🖤He's not gonna help you put it up, just watch you struggle. Good thing you planned for this, and had the Elric brothers come over to assist! With their help things go pretty smoothly.

🌴🖤He's not gonna admit it, but he's actually intrigued about this particular tradition. Also he just likes the shiny ornaments. I hope you didn't plan on making the tree look nice this year, because Envy is a little shit who loves to get on people's nerves. He's going to reposition your ornaments when you're not looking. Not to make the tree look better, but to make it look much worse. Somehow he'll also manage to get himself tangled in the lights so you have to help him out. Not certain how THAT happened… how embarrassing.

🌴🖤Try to hang ornaments in his hair. It'll be fun :)

[mondaychildsworld]

I know the end

Previous chapter / Next chapter

Part Six / ?

Rating: E

Word Count: 4.3k

Chapter summary: As you're captured, locked up and get severely hurt, Joel and Ellie is closing in on your tracks. There's thin line between life and death, but somehow the unimaginable happens and you can soon put this behind you. (happy end I promise)

Warnings: This is my worst chapter I've written. So if you don't vibe with any kind of violence, torture, blood and being treated very badly this is you que to skip this chapter. TW: violence, threats, getting burnt, blood, slight insinuation of SA (we're good tho), just straight up torture.

A/N: I'M SO SORRY for this chapter. I feel HORRIBLE for putting my character through this much pain. But she will be ok. It will be ok in the end. I would never end this story on a bad note. But this world is not a nice place to live in either, so it would be hard to write a dystopian story with just fluff and happiness because that's not realistic. But I promiiiiiise you some feelings and smut in the next one very soon to make it up to you. Like... in a couple of days 🤭

And here’s my tiny taglist: @boofy1998 @orcasoul

December 5th, 2023

It’s cold. And hard. Your fingertips trace the surface you’re laying on before you open your eyes. When there’s a big snort in the distance. The sound is not human. You open your eyes in panic. The first thing you see is the ceiling. You quickly sit up and look around. You’re in a stable. 

You stand and peek through the bars surrounding the top part of the stall. Opposite of you are kind eyes and the soft nose of a horse. You relax. 

“Hi there buddy.” you say and you try to open the stall door. Locked. “We’re both locked up in here I guess?”

The horse keeps staring at you, their new neighbor. On the door to his stall is a nameplate, someone had carved “Tucker” in the wood. After greeting your companion and having a look around your stall you try to kick the door open, to see if you can break the lock. 

You sigh when the lock doesn’t give up and start circling around the small room. You got captured, hit in the head and locked up. Great. Now you need to figure out how to get the hell out of here. 

The horse suddenly gives off a fussy neigh. He draws his ears back at the exact moment a door down the hallway bursts open. You curl up in the corner of the stall and hope that they’re not here for you. You hear footsteps approaching and stop right outside your stall.

“Well, well, well…” you hear the man’s voice say. “Look who’s awake.”

You hear a laugh. There must be two men. You nervously glance up and see two faces outside of the metallic bars. You recognize them from before.

“I told you I didn’t want to disturb you” you try, but you can see on their faces that they won’t accept your weak attempts of talking your way out of this. 

“I didn’t want to disturb you” the guy to the left, the one with a dark blue beanie mimics you. He clearly wants to make fun of you and the other one laughs. 

“Tell us why the fuck you’re out here sneaking up on us and where your group of people are.”

“I’m alone, I don’t have anyone.” you try. It is true. You were alone. But it still feels like you’re lying. 

“Yeah, no one’s gonna believe that.” the one to the right tells you. He was the one to slam the butt of the rifle in your head. He’s blonde and has a long beard. “You better give us better answers or you’ll soon regret not cooperating with us.”

“I’m telling you the truth, I got here alone.”

“Bullshit.”

“A pretty girl like you wouldn’t make it out there all by yourself.”

You frown and feel nauseous at the fact that he called you that, it certainly was not meant as a compliment.

“Alright, I’m gonna tell you…” you start, and you do gain their attention because they’re suddenly listening carefully to what you have to say. “To… go fuck yourselves.”

Their hopeful expression falters. The guy with the beanie kicks the wooden door of the stall. You’re kind of happy that you got them like that, but you’re scared at the same time. You try your best not to show it.

“If you wanna play with us, pretty girl, let’s play.” the bearded man says and they leave the stable. 

You still hear them talking outside for a while. There’s a crackling noise, footsteps, and a clunking noise of metal. You hug your legs even tighter to your chest. You can’t help but shake, from the cold or from fear, you can’t tell. 

When you hear the men walking down the hallway of the stable again it’s like you can sense that something's wrong. It’s something in the breeze of winter air flowing inside of the building, like it’s trying to warn you. A chill goes down your spine. 

There’s more men this time. The one from before, the guy with the blue beanie unlocks your stall and walks inside. He’s closely followed by two other men you don’t immediately recognise. They roughly tug you away from your safe corner and pin you to the ground. 

You try to fight yourself free but they’re three, and strong. Way stronger than you. 

“Pretty girl, are you cold?” the guy with the blonde beard appears by the stall door. 

“Fuck you!” you yell at him and squirm. You caught yourself thinking if this is what you think is about to happen you’d rather be dead but when you see the item in your hand, and you’re filled with an even bigger fear. 

When he takes a step into the stall you see the glowing iron in his hand. It’s an old forging tool, all bent and broken, but glowing hot. 

“You have a choice, tell me the truth about why you were sneaking around our farm or… you’ll get a little bit hot.” he smirks down at you. 

“I was j-just passing b-by.” you cry out. “I was just l-looking for a hiding s-spot for the night.” 

You’re hyperventilating by now. The tears are streaming down your face. 

“Hiding from what, sweet thing?” he asks again. 

You don’t know what to answer. You didn’t hide from anything specific. Maybe Joel and Ellie, maybe from raiders and infected, but maybe just as much from yourself. From whatever future you had. By the looks of it now, that future seemed incredibly short. 

“N-nothing.” you sob. 

”Not the right answer!” he yells at you and nods towards one of his men. He reached over you and tore your shirt open. The buttons rip off and you hear them fall to the ground.

“Let’s see how pretty you are after this” the blonde man says and leans down towards you, with the glowing iron in hand. 

You squeeze your eyes shut and brace yourself for what is about to come.

Afterwards, they had left you all alone on the ground with burn marks covering your upper body. You were still in shock. You did your best not to look, but cried while you tried to button up your shirt again. It was ruined. You were ruined. It was all about survival now. 

As soon as you gained some sort of normal awareness back you started planning your escape. By sunrise you were ready. You were hurting too much to sleep anyway.

There was a small window at the top of the wall, close to the ceiling. The metallic bars were too high to climb and squeeze over, but you could maybe fit through the window.

Your problem was to get yourself up there. But you had time to think and look around. There was a bridle on a hook on the door to the horse’s stall, and a broom standing close to yours. If you could reach the broom, you might be able to reach the bridle, throw it up to the old handle on the window, drag yourself up and push the window out. After that you’d get back inside, take Tucker and leave on horseback. 

You set your plan to work and you were determined to get out of this hell hole. The pain was almost unbearable, as you had to put your arm between the bars, shove yourself closer and lean all your weight onto your upper body to reach the broom. 

You gasped loudly as your fingers brushed the broomstick. The movement hurt too much. You had to pause and recollect yourself a couple of times before you successfully reached the broom.

“Yes!” you mumbled to yourself. 

A couple of minutes of trying to wind down and you were ready. You stuck the broom out from your stall, holding the brush part. Tucker jerked back when you reached the broom towards his stall. He nervously stamped around and let out a dull neigh. 

“Sssh sweet boy.” you hushed the horse. “Don’t you worry Tucker, I’m getting you out of here.”

You catched the bridle with the broomstick and sighed in relief. Tucker neighed once more, louder this time. You flinched and hushed him again. You don’t want to get caught, so you’d need to hurry. 

You threw the bridle up high towards the knob at the window frame. You had to throw it a few times before it stuck. 

You took the brindle and put your foot inside of the loop. After a deep breath you braced yourself and pushed yourself up. There was a shooting pain in your whole body from the strain of the movement. 

Just as you pushed the window open Tucker neighed once more and reared. 

“No, no, no, Tucker!” You try to calm him. 

Meanwhile you had your leg swung up and almost outside of the window, the door bursts open and you hear rushed steps. You hurriedly try to crawl out from the window.

“She’s escaping!” someone yells. 

A couple of seconds later, when you’re halfway through the window someone takes a forceful grip on your pants and shoves you back down on the floor. Your ankle is stuck in the bridle. You feel your foot twist and there’s a sudden pain in your ankle. As you hit the floor with your head first there's also a sharp pain in your jaw. It makes you dizzy. 

A painful gasp escapes from your mouth and when you look up, the stall is filled with men once again. You don’t really see who is who, it’s more like dark shadows towering over you. But when your eyes can focus you see one thing, the blonde beard that belongs to the man who burned you. 

“If you only cooperated from the beginning you could’ve had a nice life you know.”

He continues. You spit blood. 

“It’s too late now. If you were a good girl I might’ve decided to keep you.” he says and laughs in your face. “But now, no man alive would even want to touch you with a ten foot pole, not that you’ll leave this stable alive anyway.”

“Mmh…” You sigh, and try again. “Mmhf, f-fuck you.”

“You fucking whore.” He said furiously. That’s the last thing you hear until you feel the harsh pain of a kick in your stomach. Right at your burns. You can almost recall thinking, this is the end, as you once again drift off to unconsciousness. 

“She can’t have gotten too far on foot, right?” Ellie asks. Joel just hums in response. He hasn’t been feeling up to be chatty with Ellie since you left. There is just a dreary cloud hanging over him these last couple of days.

“Why did she leave, anyway?” Ellie asks again. He decides not to respond at all. “Or like, would you guess why?”

He sighs.

“I just hoped she would’ve said goodbye.” she says and looks out through the car window.

“Me too kid.” he mutters.

When he noticed that you had left he had packed up all the things in the truck and went out to look for you. Ellie had found traces in the snow, and they guessed you followed the road up north. So they stopped every few times to check abandoned buildings for any sign of you. 

They figured you didn’t stay too far off from the road, because they did find evidence of someone staying in sheds, caves in the forest or other buildings they found along the way. You had hidden the tracks after yourself pretty well. But Joel was experienced. He didn’t know much about your time before the QZ, but he had lived out there as a raider. So he did know a thing or two.

And you definitely had left a thing or two behind. You were good, he had to admit. But there were remains of a fire you didn’t have time to put out, for whatever reason. In one of the buildings he found an empty can of food you had brought with you. He knew, because the can wasn’t covered by dust and he was the one who found that specific brand the last time they stocked up. 

It was getting late, and it was time for their last stop for the day. He parked the car close to the road, but well hidden just in case anyone drove by. They hadn’t met even one person or infected for a long time, but he didn’t want to risk it.

“Cabin over there?” Ellie points it out through the trees and raises her eyebrows at him. He just nods and they start walking towards the little timber building.

Someone definitely had been there and left in a hurry. There’s signs of a fire someone tried to put out, very sloppily. As they quickly had to get up and leave. Beside the fire lies the insides of a small animal, rabbit, he guesses. 

He has a bad feeling about this, but enters the cabin anyway, You could be inside of there, hiding. He swings the door open, rifle ready to shoot anyone who isn’t you. But it’s quiet and still. The room is a big mess, practically trashed. He lowers the gun and sighs. Fuck. He hopes this trouble isn’t your trouble, in that case the hope of finding you okay just drastically declined. 

“Woah, look at this Joel!” Ellie exclaims from above. He confusedly looks around and finds her on the edge of a loft. He completely missed it. And he completely missed her climbing up there.

“Who told you to go up there?” he snaps at her.

“It’s her,” she just says and lifts her hand up. She holds a blue book. “She was here.”

She tosses the book down to Joel, and he catches it. Quickly he flips through the pages. It’s a notebook. A diary, dated from before the outbreak. Soon he reaches the last written page, dated to this year. He starts to read.

You had signed off with your name. This was proof. You had been in this very cabin, very recently. You can’t be too far away now.

December 6th, 2023

Maybe this is what it’s like to be dead. You always thought life after death would be like floating on a warm, soft cloud. Content. Calm. Together with your loved ones that you lost. With Julie. But this is cold, and hard. Your face feels wrong. Swollen. Misplaced. So maybe you weren’t dead just yet?

Your eyes flutter open and you see the ceiling. The same damn ceiling you saw last time. 

There’s a disappointed knot forming in your stomach. You were severely beaten and went unconscious once again. The concept of time is long lost. It’s hard, not having the energy or will to move your body. 

After some time of drifting in and out of consciousness, you can’t tell for how long, there’s a sound of light footsteps on the other side of the wall. Right outside, the snow crunches slowly. Is this real or a hallucination? Once again, you can’t tell. All you can do is lay in your own pool of blood and wait for the end. Every muscle in your body hurts.

When Tucker lets out a curious snort, you slightly open your eyes. If you convinced yourself you might be alive before, this definitely makes you consider the opposite. There’s a face peeking through the metal bars, a small face belonging to a girl. 

“Ellie?” you mumble and feel the world spinning.

“Oh my…” she looks outright shocked. 

“Are you in heaven?” you quietly ask her. Maybe, just maybe, some sort of higher power sent her here to guide you? So you soon could be reunited with Julie, floating on the softest clouds there could ever be. You don’t believe in god, you never did, but you don’t know how to explain what’s happening to you any other way. 

Ellie’s face disappears for a minute or two, but you can hear her. You just blink up at the ceiling trying the grasp what the fuck is happening right now. The door slides open and Ellie is quickly by your side. She drops the heavy padlock to the floor. 

“Stay with me.” she shakes you carefully. You open your eyes even more and try your best to look directly at her. “Let’s get out of here.”

She carefully pulls you up to your feet, quickly slides and arm around your waist and starts walking. You limp. As you leave the stall you glance back, and see a pool of blood on the floor and immediately feel nauseous. 

When the both of you are outside you’re blinded by the sharp light. The white snow burns in your eyes. A couple of steps later you find Joel in the hallway of the main building. The door is open and you see him holding a man down to the floor. There’s something wrong with your vision, it’s doubled and it’s hard to focus. There’s blotches of red in the snow, on the floor, on his hands. 

“Where is she!!!” he yells a few inches away from the man's face as he shakes the guy beneath him. He holds the man’s collar with an iron fist. The whole world spins around, you’re dizzy, but you know what you see. It’s him, it’s Joel. 

Ellie shouts after him but he doesn’t hear her immediately. He punches the man in the face a few times before he jerks his head up and locks eyes with you. He leaves the man on the floor and rushes up to you. He pulls you in tightly, but you don’t have the energy to respond to his embrace. Your entire body is limp. There’s no strength left.

“What the fuck did they do to you?” He mumbles as he breaks away for the embrace to look you over. Your shirt is ripped open in some places, burn marks peeking through the tears of fabric. Your face… however it did look like now -  probably just as horrible as it felt.

You try to speak, but your brain and your tongue aren't cooperating. You try to answer him, but all you get out of your mouth is an incoherent mumble. He looks back down with worried eyes, looking straight into yours. You try to hold his gaze but it’s impossible. 

It feels like someone dims the sun down, like the sun is an old light bulb that flickers out into darkness. You’re exhausted. There’s arms firmly grabbing you, holding you up. You blink a few times and feel that you’re being lifted up as you’re drifting off into the quiet darkness. 

December 8th, 2023

When you wake up you’re surprised you find yourself in a bed, and not on the cold floor of the stable. You’re covered with blankets, not by dirt in the pool of your own blood. You smack your mouth a couple of times. It’s still dry. 

“He-hello?” you manage so get out. The room is dark. You find a source of light, and try to focus your eyes. The light comes from a gap in the door. 

You slowly sit up a bit so you’re leaning back your weight on your elbows. You clear your throat.

“Hello?” you croak, a little bit louder this time. 

You hear footsteps right outside. The door creaks open and you see the silhouette of a girl. You blink a few times and fall back into the pillow. It’s Ellie.

“Hi, you’re awake?” she asks. 

“Mhm, could you…” you need to pause to cough. “Water, please.”

“Sure, of course.” she leaves the room and soon comes back with a bottle of water. She screws the cap open and helps you take a sip. 

Water has never tasted this good. Ellie sits down on the edge of the bed and helps you dry off the drop of water that escaped down your chin. 

”Sorry.” you mumble. ”What time is it?”

“I don’t know, late.” she just looks at you, like you’re fragile. 

“Where… where are we?” the last memory you have is a blurry mix of snow, blood covered knuckles and large arms carrying you away from the stable. “Where’s Joel?”

“He’s out, he keeps guard of the house. We’re safe but you know, he’s stubborn like that.” she nods and you roll your eyes. You know. 

“We’re at this house, I think this place is called Cora. I found it on the map.” she presses her lips together before she continues. “It’s late, you should sleep.”

You don’t know where Cora is, and you don’t get the chance to ask. She puts the bottle down on the little nightstand next to the bed. She leaves the room and shuts the door, but leaves a small gap. 

“I’m right outside, just tell me if you need anything.”

“Okay.”

You can’t sleep. You lay there bright awake until the sun comes up. If you could, you’d heave your legs over the bed, put on your shoes and sneak right past Ellie and find Joel. But your body hurts too much, so you stay. 

It feels weird being safely tucked in on a real bed. Guarded by the people you left. You’re safe, out of harm’s reach. There’s a pang of guilt in your chest. You don’t deserve this. You really thought that stall in the stable would be the last thing you’d see. That you’d soon be reunited with Julie when you saw the pool of your own blood grow beneath you. You tear up a bit at the thought. This wasn’t how it was going to end. You have mixed feelings about it all. 

After a few sleepless hours on your own you hear mumbling on the other side of the door. After a minute or two, Ellie enters the room. She brought soup. 

“Oh wow, this is way too fancy for me.” you joke a bit and heave yourself up to a sitting position in the bed. You try to accept the tin can but Ellie insists on helping you eat. Classic chicken noodle soup. It tastes delicious. 

“This is all we have for today,” she says apologetically. “Sorry… you must be hungry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” you say and while you give her half a smile someone leans their shoulder against the doorframe, arms crossed. You look up and see Joel. You stiffen a bit and your eyes lock with his. 

“Hi” you say, voice raspy. 

“Hi” he sighs back, worriedly. 

There’s silence for a couple of seconds. There’s so much tension in the air that Ellie has to sense that something must be wrong if you two stay quiet for longer. So you’re the one to speak up, when he doesn’t. 

“I’m fine, I’m okay” you tell him, you don’t know who you’re trying to convince. Joel or yourself. He’s not convinced, the worried look stays on his face.

“Sure” he looks at you straight faced. He doesn’t believe a word you say. You see it in the way his brows furrow and that line between them becomes even more visible. So you opt for a different take.

“How did you know I was there?” you ask. Ellie is quick to answer, and explains that they traced your tracks in the snow and found some of your belongings scattered in the forest. They knew no animal or infected could be behind all that. 

“I told her to stay back but apparently someone doesn’t listen to orders.” He shoots Ellie an accusing glare. He’s not entirely happy with her. 

“Will you please remind me again, who found her?” Ellie argues back. “Who got her out? Without causing any trouble?”

She was right. She was the one who picked the lock and quietly got you out while Joel was outside creating chaos. But Joel doesn’t seem to be too impressed with Ellie’s rescue mission.

“Hey, what if you were hurt?” he’s visibly upset. “What would I tell Marlene then? Oh, yeah, ‘that girl you told me to drag over half the country got herself killed’?”

Ellie gives him a glare and a second later, storms out muttering something you can’t hear. 

“Not too far!” Joel yells after her. He gets an annoyed ‘I know’ back. 

So you’re back to silence. You sit in your bed, fiddling with the hem of the blanket, nervously biting the inside of your cheek. After a minute of Joel just standing there looking at you worriedly, he finally sits down on the bed next to your legs. 

“Did you kill them?” you ask after a while and nervously look up at him. He keeps his gaze down towards the floor. 

He doesn’t answer straight away. He hesitates for a couple of seconds before he clears his throat and finally speaks to you. 

“That’s not important.”

“Did you or did you not?”

“I did.” He's now facing you, instead of studying the flecks of dirt on his shoes. “I don’t know about them all, but I would be surprised if more than one or two got out of there in one piece.”

“I’m sorry if that bothers you.” he adds after a couple of seconds of silence. 

“It doesn’t.” you answer quickly. You think for a second and then add, “I’m glad.”

He just looks at you, a bit oddly and squints a bit. Like he doesn’t believe you. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” he just says calmly, back to his usual stone face expression and gets up from the bed and leaves the room.When he comes back he has brought some warm water and a cloth. He cleans your burns and dabs your swollen face with the damp cloth. The piece of fabric is stained red. You flinch at every touch. But you will be okay.

[go-to-the-mirror]

god i hate when the moral nuance podcast has moral nuance, smh

Anyway! Happy magiversary, first of all, I'm drawing some stuff for it :3, and secondly welcome to my ramble for episode 155. There were some words that were good, and some that was rambles. Enjoy.

@a-mag-a-day

BASIRA Hmm. London’s what, 600 square miles? ARCHIVIST 607. BASIRA (Sighs) Whatever.

I like to think that he just knew that without the Ceaseless Watcher. Know it all prick <3.

ARCHIVIST So I guess we’ll want to look out for a pair of homeless serial killers now. I’ll add it to the list.

I love him your honour <3. Like at a certain point you're going to start not taking All Of The Attempted Murders so seriously, and Jon Jarchivist Sims has hit that point about seven times already. He is going through it.

BASIRA I’m trying to convince her to go after them. To, uh… Hunt them. ARCHIVIST Why? BASIRA Because I’m not going to lose her. ARCHIVIST She goes hunting again, you might anyway. BASIRA And if she doesn’t, she might die. ARCHIVIST Something you’re fine with in certain other cases, and something she’s made peace with.

THANK YOU, JON. Bloody hypocrite. Murder's fine, but nightmares? Oh, that's not allowed. And yeah, Jon fucked up, and he hurt a lot of people, but Christ, so did Daisy, and they had the same bloody agency in it. Daisy killed people - people who didn't deserve to die, she's culpable in that, and Basira's not admitting it because it makes her culpable for enabling Daisy. Which she is, she knew Daisy killed people, only saved Jon because he was her friend, said that she should have let Daisy kill people.

ARCHIVIST (Sigh) Statement of Tova McHugh regarding their string of near-death experiences. Original statement given December 3rd, 2002. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.

(deadpan) Diversity win. The person who killed a bunch of people to extend their life canonically uses they/them pronouns.

And that’s not money from some trust fund. I mean sure my parents loaned me the money to start, but I built my business up from the ground, and we now provide jobs for almost 700 people.

(stares directly into the camera)

I'm not even going to comment on that. "not money from some trust fund" "my parents loaned me the money to start"

Ok, Tova, ok.

Sorry, I’m just… aware of how this story makes me look and I don’t want you to think I’m some selfish monster grinding people up just to extend my own ghoulish life. I’m trying to do good.

I can see the parallels and I do not like it.

If we shove my feelings towards Jon to the side for one moment, I can see the similarities between him and Tova, and how he would see himself in Tova. No matter how I try to spin it, Jon has been hurting people. He's been forcing innocent people - and even if they weren't innocent, it's still fucked - to relieve the worst moments of their life, not only once, but every night, with a new and spooky observer. That's horrifying, that's horrible.

Sure, it's not killing people, and he recognised that what he was doing was wrong, so it's not really on the same level as Tova, I feel, but still, I can understand why he'd see himself in Tova, and I can understand what I think we're meant to see in this.

It's one thing to hear a statement from a victim - an important part in realising that Jon has fucked up, but it's quite another to hear one from someone like him, justifying their awful actions under the guise of doing good. Maybe they (sing.) are doing good, maybe he is, but that does not erase all the people they've (pl.) hurt to get there.

I had to live, I couldn’t die, not then. We were on the verge of closing a deal that would provide fresh water to impoverished communities in a dozen developing countries. Without me, it would fall through.

Mate, killing is not the bloody answer. Sure, they might be doing good in the world, but they don't deserve to live more than anyone, they're killing people - actual living people. That's wrong. Sure, you're allowed to kill to protect your own life, but... it's wrong. They're not doing anything to hurt them, it's wrong. I just think it's wrong.

An old woman, frail and shivering, staring out of the ducks over the water, empty bread bag by her side. If only I could have explained it to her, I’m sure she would have understood. She might even have agreed. But I couldn’t talk to her, and I needed to live.

She needed to live. She deserved to live, everyone deserves to live, and it's wrong to make that choice for someone who you don't even know. It's understandable, what Tova did, but it's their responsibility to not value their life above everyone else's so much that they actually kill someone. That's wrong.

"I needed to live." The old woman was just a person and by saying your ("useful") life is better than someone else's ("useless") life is... bad. It's really bad. Like, uh, yeah content warning for

I thought I’d solved it. If anything else like that happened, I knew what I needed to do.

So, she was going to do it again. Good lord.

This time I sought out a homeless man. Young and strong, though his life was clearly over as he tried to destroy himself through drinking. I followed him into an alley, and his liver gave out, just at the moment the EpiPen was pushed into my leg.

Ah, that homeless initiative, huh. But, of course, their (sing.) life is worth more. /s

God, they (sing.) suck as a person, like what the hell. That's awful, that's horrible.

I do find myself hating them, quite a bit. Good lord.

I made a decision. One I am deeply ashamed of, but I honestly thought it was for the best. I couldn’t keep living like that in the shadow of death, of what I had to do to keep going. One sacrifice, I thought. Just one, from someone with their entire life ahead of them. I took a newborn.

I don't even know what to say. How the fuck are they able to lie to themself so much as to think that killing - what is it now - four people - is good? Is going to "help the world as a whole," god damn them. God damn them.

Like, how do you even do that? Egotistical piece of shit. Believing their life is of so much more value than the people they kill to keep on living.

It was a baby born to poverty, one whose life I thought would bring it pain, and I believed it would be the last I would ever need to do.

Oh, right, classism.

Also like, their language. "One whose life I thought would bring it pain," that's eugenics. That is literally eugenics.

Eventually I realized it had nothing to do with age or health. It was about connection. About joy. The more friends, family, loved ones the person has, the further out the terror of sudden death spreads from me. The longer it keeps me alive.

Fear soup, the fear of death is mixed in with a lot of other things. The Dark, the fear of that oblivion, absence of light, or warmth, of life. The Desolation, in this case, the fear of losing someone to the cruel hands of death or whatever. This is also a desolation statement. Nice hill to die on.

I’m 40 now, and I have taken the life of beloved mothers, respected professionals, pillars of the community. But I have done so much good with my life, I’ve reached further helped more people than they ever could have.

FUCK THEM. I don't even know what to say to that.

I’m not saying how I live is right, or good, but it is the position I have been put in, and a decision I have to make. I never wanted to weigh up the value of a life, to set it on the scales against my own, but that’s a choice that I am forced into. And it is one I will continue to make.

They suck as a person and I want to throw them with a rock.

What is the value of a life? Is it something that can be quantified, put down as numbers, good deeds, bad? And when your life your existence is at the cost of doing harm, what then? I’ve - (laughs) I’ve saved the world, the whole world. Does that give me the right to take what I need to survive?

Great question! I don't know. I don't have an answer? Maybe? No? It's not a definitive yes, I mean... No. No. That's not an option. He's gonna have to die, that's... the only good option, that's not a good option, that's the only option that isn't hurting people that could have been relatively uninvolved.

I don't think anyone should make that decision for you, but you have a responsibility as a person to not kill people for your own gain, that's important.

The needs of the many is greater than the needs of the few only can really work when you're not saving yourself under the guise of helping more people.

If I'm going to be consistent, I'm going to say that no. Jon should stick to old statements, and let himself die when he dies, because he doesn't deserve the trauma of other people. But... I like him a lot, okay.

This relisten is really making me pull away from being a Jon apologist, hate it for that. /hj

I find myself hating her, her callous self-deception. But am I so different? Daisy’s chosen to resist in her own way, knowing full well it might take her life in the end, Melanie too. I respect them for it, but I - I don’t know if I can follow their path. I suppose I have a way out now. One that wouldn’t even kill me, at least, I hope not. And yet here I am still. Am I a coward? I just… what if they need me? What if.

I DONT KNOW STOP PUTTING THESE COMPLEX SITUTIONS WIHT COMPLEX ANSWERS ON ME IM JUST A SILLY LITTLE GUY WHO'S STILL TRYING TO UNLEARN BLACK AND WHITE MORALITY

What would I do? Hell if I know! Probably the same as what Jon did, I'd hurt people, hate myself, hurt people, hate myself in a cycle, and I'm not sure at this moment if I'd do it, if I'd blind myself and possibly die, or not and live as something I hate? I mean, like, it's not even an impossible situation. Maybe he is a coward, maybe I'd be too. But... I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I just don't know.

This is a situation where for most of the time the way out was dying. This is a situation where there is a way out that'll leave Jon vulnerable, both cause I don't think being newly blind is great for general survivability when things are literally out to get you and because he won't be an avatar anymore, he won't have those abilities that while he hates make him less helpless. Of fucking course he told Gerry he liked that he could compel people, it's some of the only control he's had in this whole situation. This is a situation where the two ways out are death, and maybe death, definitely helpless against the many many things that want him dead.

That's a difficult decision.

MELANIE Thanks for telling me, by the way. It didn’t look like it was easy for you.

WHAT IF I WANTED A JON AND MELANIE FRIENDSHIP? WHAT IF?

MELANIE You won’t need to. I’ve - I’ve made a few arrangements, and… (shaky breath) it’s going to be okay. Honestly. I think it is. I - I can’t be a part of this anymore and if this is the price, then I think I’m okay to pay it.

I'm so happy for her <3

MELANIE (Inhale) It’s - it’s the rest of you I’m worried about. ARCHIVIST We’ll be fine. Always have been. MELANIE (Scoffs lightly) Not always.

THEY COULD HAVE BEEN FRIEND, IN ANOTHER LIFE, IN ANOTHER WORLD, BUT IT'S NOT THAT LIFE AND IT'S NOT THAT WORLD, READ "MAYBE THIS IS IT" BY MMMMPH PLEASE

alexa play sense, sensibility by ajj

what if i wanted them to be ok, what if i wanted it to be okay, what then?

jonny why

ARCHIVIST We’ll miss you. MELANIE (Wryly) Wish I could say the same. ARCHIVIST (Quietly) Yeah.

:(

MELANIE (Deep breath) No. I’ve got this. But if you, um… If you could… In five minutes, I would appreciate it if you could call me an ambulance.

LIKE ITS SO COOL LIKE OK LIKE SHE'S ACTUALLY DOING IT, SHE'S GETTING OUT. she's getting out.

I'm happy for her. I just wish she could get out forever, you know? Live all happy like with her girlfriend, not live through the apocolypse.

Well done Melanie, well done.

Well, um, yeah. That's it really. Shambles.

[chierafied]

December Drabbles Day 14 - All Downhill from Here

Read on AO3.

Banner fan art by the amazing @sayuri-liu

For Wiccan. The heart of our fandom. You’ve made it a home for all of us. 💖 Words and this silly little ficlet can’t begin to express my gratitude towards you and all your efforts and endless dedication to our ship over many, many years. Thank you, Wiccan. You’re the absolute best.

Prompt by Kriou90, thanks so much!

Day 14 - All Downhill from Here

The skiing instructor was perky and pink . Sesshoumaru wasn’t sure what to make of her and a part of him felt dubious. Especially of those bright pink pompoms of her hat, that matched the chunky-knit muffler wrapped three times around her neck. But the steady stream of cheerful chatter was taking his mind off from that nervous and peeved part that glowered in a dark corner of his brain.  

Sesshoumaru hated learning new things. Or to be precise, he hated that awkward initial phase of learning something new; the part where he felt like a clueless, bumbling idiot. What he wanted was to excel  but alas, to get to that point some bumbling around had to be endured.  

Whatever could be said about his bubbly bubble-gum skiing instructor, she seemed to know her stuff. She’d guided him through getting the rental equipment and putting on the stiff and weird ski shoes. She’d given him an overview of the slopes. And dispensed such a wealth of tips and tricks on him that Sesshoumaru wasn’t able to remember them all.  

And now they were standing on the top of the trainer slope, which looked like an anthill compared to the other ones. Sesshoumaru was starting to get nervous again.  

"We're gonna practise the snowplough for a while," the skiing instructor told him with a bright smile. "Then we're going down all nice and easy and slow . We'll take all the time you need. And we're not going down until you're comfortable enough to try. Safety first, ok?"  

Sesshomaru nodded, and the tightness in his throat eased, his shoulders relaxed the tiniest fraction at his instructor's reassurance.  

"Great! I'll show you the snowplough now. It’s very simple."  

Sesshoumaru watched raptly as the skiing instructor demonstrated the funny-looking pose.  

"Now, your turn to try it out! Tails out, noses together. Make sure to leave a gap between your skis, though!"  

Sesshoumaru tried to manoeuvre his skis into the right position. They still felt weird on his feet.   

But his skiing instructor kept coaxing, encouraging and advising him. Gradually, his nervousness and awkwardness slipped away.  

"I'm ready now," he informed her after a while.   

"Great!" The instructor chirped. "Let's go down the hill! Remember to shift your weight to turn. And I'll be right behind you, so if you fall, I'll help you right back up."  

That comment finally elicited an answering smile from Sesshoumaru. "All right. I'll be in your care."  

What scattered crumbs of his nerves were left morphed into exhilaration as he made his way down the much too short slope. He might have been slow and his turns awkward, but the slide of the skis had been easy and smooth, the cold slap of wind in his face invigorating. At the bottom of the hill, Sesshoumaru turned to his instructor, grinning.   

"I want to do that again. And go faster."  

"That’s the spirit," she laughed. "Up we go!"  

And so, they did.   

Sesshoumaru loved every second of it, so much so that he stayed on the slope after his lesson concluded and he and his instructor parted ways.  

He was almost reluctant to part with his skis when the time finally came to return them.   The red-haired young man behind the counter accepted the skis and then slid a business card to him.  

"Was supposed to give you this," he said and winked.  

Sesshoumaru picked up the card. His eyebrow ached at the neat print of his ski instructor's name. Flipping the card over, he saw a handwritten phone number. And there, just underneath it, there was an intriguing addition in a looping scrawl. 

"If you need instruction for the after-ski portion of the whole skiing experience, let me know. XO -Kagome" 

Sesshoumaru grinned, thanked the young redhead, and pulled out his phone.  

[heartsyncproductions]

Hello hello, welcome to a look back at 2023 as well as a contemplation of 2024! Throwing the graphic together made me realize I released a lot more things then I thought I did (as well as do a lot of creative work privately since I really only share a fraction of what I make). At the same time, 2023 was pretty weird creatively, so let's talk about it!

First off, I thought I'd share some stats because I grew a lot this year if we're only talking about numbers. I wasn't really expecting it at all since I admittedly do zero marketing most days but here's some stats:

Memory Ghosts hit 100 downloads this year

PRETTYBOY Inc. is Hiring! ended the year at around 1.3k+ plays

Burning Academia [demo] ended the year at 7.2k+ plays

Disruptive Compassion hit 200+ plays (and it was only released in mid December)

Hit exactly 500 followers on my itch.io account

I don't really talk about my writing, but I did make my novella What the Trees Stole available outside of itch.io, and I released a short story collection We are Connected this year as well! In regards to my webnovel, I took a break from volume two to do edits on volume one and I'm hoping to have those done to release the first volume on itch as well as other places that allow you to have a novel available for free.

Anyways, just looking at the numbers I hit so much more growth then I was ever expecting. Anything that hit 100 feels like a win to me, and the way two of the games I released blew past that is wild. With that being said, I felt completely disconnected from most of what I made this year.

I lamented about this briefly when I wrote my post mortem for Disruptive Compassion, but DC felt like the monument to the feeling that a lot of what I made creatively I felt disconnected from. I was working 50 to 60 hour work weeks for the first half of the year (hooray healthcare), and I think I spent the rest of the year burnt out from it. 2023 was also hard in a lot of personal ways, so maybe all of that contributed to me not feeling close to anything I made creatively.

It isn't that I didn't like what I made, it just felt like someone else made it. In my DC post I said it was like being an observer looking at something through a glass screen instead of being it's creator, and that's really the only way I know how to describe it. It also makes it hard to celebrate any of the ways I've improved (especially how much I've improved in regards to my games), because it doesn't feel like I improved because nothing feels like my work. It's been really weird looking at pieces I've made and not seeing any of me in it, somehow.

Again, it's probably just what happens when you have a bad year. But as someone who's been into story telling since forever, it's not really a feeling I'm used to.

Moving away from that so I don't end up ranting for a million years, let's talk goals. I'm going to be honest, I didn't do a lot of what I set out to do LOL. Things I did do, to a degree:

Game Jams: I did Otome Jam (Spring Boy, though I have plans to overhaul it, more on that later), Velox Fabula (PRETTYBOY Inc. is Hiring!), and Velox Turbo (Disruptive Compassion)

Connect with the Community: I think my goal for this was a lot lower then the average persons. I have pretty severe paranoia, stemming from a long time battle with a Specific Mental Illness I don't feel like naming since it's so stigmatized aha. Because of this, I really just wanted to convince my brain that commenting on a post that I enjoyed someone's work isn't weird, or to exist a little more on social media and not exist in the perpetual hell that is assuming the minute I do I will be stalked and doxxed or something. This is also why Discord is the Worst Space in the world for me, because it's impossible to observe it from the outside and deem it safe. You just...join and have to see for yourself which makes it completely inaccessible to my brain. With that being said: I think I did ok! I think doing the Velox Jams really helped with this and even if it was just a little, I managed to leave comments and talk a little about things I enjoyed this year. It might seem like the bare minimum to others, but it felt like some pretty solid steps to me.

Release another game: I released two short, finished ones and two demos! This was a lot more then I was expecting, and I'm pretty happy with it.

Aaaand I'm pretty sure that's all I did that was on the list. Putting it like this, I did a lot more then I thought I did. So much of 2023 was feeling like I was in a rut, that I'm glad it wasn't actually true. With that, leaves the last part of this post: 2024 goals.

Rework Spring Boy: I was going to start this sooner, but unfortunately, I can be easily distracted. Fortunately, in my break I made two short games that taught me a lot about game design and writing that I can take and apply to this! I'm excited for my plans for this game!

Released up to chapter 4 of Burning Academia: I never talked about this here because I thought having my 17+ IF with my 13+ games and writing felt...weird lol. Anyways, I started a Twine IF called Burning Academia (@burning-academia-if is the blog for it if you're interested) which was supposed to just be me trying out Twine. However, I have had a lot of fun writing it so far! Only the prologue is out and chapter 1 should be out late January! I'm hoping to have up to chapter 4 out by the end of the year.

Velox Formido: 36 hours, 2 themes, one game. I'm ready to suffer-

Community Connection: Continue working on talking about the things I like more while interacting with more people in the community! I also realized this year during Velox Turbo I'd like to work in a team some time, but that's more something I'm using 2024 to work towards so I can do something like that in 2025!

Writing: I don't talk about my writing anywhere near as much as I should consider I'm a thousand percent more a writer then a game dev lol. I'm hoping to edit and release volume one of my webnovel How to Bury Fairytales and finish the online first draft of volume two. I also want to finish and publish my dark fantasy/asexual love story novella 'Mercy Dreams' this year as well!

I should probably add a 'try to actually market this year' goal as well, but I know myself. It's not going to happen lmfaO. Anyways! If you read all of this thank you! These are always more of a list for myself then anything, but I do hope anyone here has enjoyed what I've made this year, and honestly thank you to everyone who has played my games or gave me a follow!

Hopefully 2024 I start to feel connected to my work again, and may I continue to grow and improve creatively!