#i know time isn't something you can reach out and touch no matter how close it is

[dark-and-kawaii]

Hey there girlie, I’m having the worst cramps and back pain today. I was wondering how the sweet baby boy Zavrik would take care of his partner when she’s in her monthly hell. I’m imagining how tieflings are basically heating pads because of how warm they are 🥺🩷

Oh no!!!! I’m so sorry you’re going through your monthly right now!!! Never a good time ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ ). I hope these make you feel better and give you some comfort xoxo

₊˚⊹♡ Pairings: OMC x F!Tav/Reader

₊˚⊹♡ Content: Major Comfort - Major Love - Zavrik Is A Cinnamon Roll - True Love

Zavrik becomes the epitome of tender care and warmth during these times, quite literally. As a half tiefling, his natural warmth is so soothing against your cramps and back pain- wrapping you in his arms, his body a living hearing pad that eases every tense muscle. His touch is super gentle, it always is, but during your period he’s extra gentle, slowly dragging, caressing his hand against your lower stomach and wherever else that might hurt. Those words of his he murmurs in your ear are soft reassurances that this will pass, but that he’ll be here until it does. He knows it isn't permanent, the pain and the blood, but he treats it like it is and makes sure that you feel his presence, and his love.

Most would demand the maids draw you a bath, but not Zavrik. Oh no. This man personally tends to you. He warms the water with his magic, and helps you step into the bath. You can just relax while he washes you, using the sweet smelling soaps to work every knot out of your muscles. You are his queen, his world, and he takes his duty as your lover very seriously. And when he's done, he wraps you in the fluffiest towel imaginable and dries you off. Purposely tussling your hair as he dries it with the biggest smile on his face, one that grows when you laugh and tell him to stop.

He anticipates your needs before they’re even spoken. Zavrik is super attentive, paying close attention to the days you start your cycle and the symptoms you have. He remembers them all, and when the time comes, he's already got it handled. He even makes sure the kitchen staff has all your favorite dishes ready and snacks prepared for your cravings… just know if you’re ever pregnant with his child, his mother henning will reach a whole new level xD!

Emotionally, this man is your rock, and he will listen to your every grievance and frustration. No matter what it is. Be it something silly, or a deeper issue you have, he's there to lend an ear and offer advice… even if he doesn’t quite understand what you’re going through, he tries. And if you cop an attitude with him, he knows why. So he won't take offense, he just smiles and shakes his head asking if you’re done yet.

[hamsternamedmarinette]

if it helps, tvtropes seems to be on your side w/ this one

I know it's been over 20 years so the writing team and cast has more than likely been made aware of this goof, but who dares me to ask the voice cast about it if I go see them at a con next weekend

[shadow4-1]

I'm just imagining an a/b/o dynamic where the entire 141, including you, are all Alphas. Except, after a few years of such close contact something starts to shift.

You start to become an Omega.

"Why is this happening to me?" You all but wail. It hurts to breathe, everything feels like it's on fire. Your stomach twists again, painful cramps shooting white hot lighting up your spine. "Why does it hurt so bad?"

Your pack is all around you, trying to soothe you in anyway they can but it's not working. Everything hurts, your teeth feel like they're going to crack from how tight you have them gritted. The wave of pain ebbs for a few gracious seconds before starting up all over again. You whine and sob and reach out for any of your team.

"Whats going on?" Price huffs, his cool hand cupping at your face. His touch is the barest relief even as he drags down one of your lower eyelids. He tuts in an intense concern. "Simon, have you seen this before?"

The larger male drops to one knee. He gives you a quick once over before dipping his head towards yours. He presses the front of his mask to the crown of your head. Through your labored panting you barely hear him take in a deep inhale of scent.

He coughs and stands back up too quickly. Judging by his flighty gaze, something is seriously wrong. Another tremor of pain wracks your body. You open mouth squeal. It's getting so much worse.

"Simon!" Soap growls, trying to bring his fellow alpha back from whatever memory he'd fallen into. "What's wrong wit' 'er?"

"She's turning into an Omega."

Everyone in the room turned their gazes towards Ghost, even you, despite your pain. You? An Omega? But you've always been and Alpha. It was part of the necessary requirements to be a part of the 141. You'd been genetically tested, hormonally tested, and aptitude tested. You were a full blooded Alpha coming from generations of Alphas.

"There's...ngh...no way." You hiccup out, tears blurring your vision.

"That doesn't make any sense. That can't happen." Gaz adds. He rubs at your back. His cool touch soothes even more of your pain into a dull throb, but it isn't enough.

"M' n' Alpha!" You cry out in anguish, the first of many tears finally dripping down your cheeks.

Something about Ghost's words hurt worse than any pain your body was making you go through. Try as you may to deny it, he was right. You could feel your body changing, altering, breaking and bending.

"Why is this happening to me?" You wail.

"There's too many of us." Ghost huffs, he glances around at your pack.

"Why does that matter?" Soap grumbles, scooping an arm around your center to pull you up into a sitting position. "We're a pack."

"That's just it." Ghost sighs tiredly.

"I've never heard of this being 'n issue." Price butts in. He grabs your face again and brushes the tears off your cheeks. "Task Forces are fully Alpha run. They 'ave been for years."

"If what Ghost is saying is right, it's biological, Captain." Gaz huffs, his thoughts visibly racing. "Too many Alphas, not enough Omegas. It means we'd go extinct."

"But why didn't she change earlier?" Johnny asks. You teeter in his hold but he keeps you upright. He lets you lean against his chest. He smells more comforting than usual.

"It's hormonal. She's been with us almost three years now, it takes time." Ghost says. Price nods in agreement.

"I'm an Alpha!" You sob, trying wrench yourself free from the multiple men around you. "I- I don't want to be bred. I don't want to be claimed! I'm an Alpha!"

"We're know you are, Love." Price breathes softly. He continued to wipe tears away from your face with a tenderness that only makes your despair swell further. "But this is happening, and we can't stop it."

"Take me to sick bay, please. They'll...they'll put me on blockers or something! Please, anything but this! I don't want to be an Omega."

The pack looks toward Ghost but he shakes his head.

"This is you first heat. The blockers will kill you."

You scream in pain, fear, and frustration. Another wave of excruciating pain washes over you. You wrench out of Soap's grip and fall against the floor. The tile is cool against your flushed skin.

As much as you hate him for it, Ghost is right.

This is your first heat.

Your back arches off the floor. Your toes curl and you squeal, shaking, gasping, panting hot breaths. You can feel yourself start to sweat. There's a sudden gush of wetness between your thighs. Embarrassment floods you. You try to curl into a ball but your body keeps being wracked with tremors.

"H-help me..." You cry out weakly, sobbing into the tile.

Your pack seems to finally get a whiff of your fluctuating scent. All around you, you watch as one by one each of their gazes grow more and more pointed. All of you know what must be done. After all, you're an Omega now.

...and there's no going back.

[lunarw0rks]

────141 headcanons: touching the belly────

a/n: y'all know i'm a sucker for the the pregs trope so i had to do this request. and i only did the four dinguses for this one, sorry anon ☺️

warning(s): pregnancy, fluff+angst, invasion of reader's personal space/privacy, protectiveness, hurt/comfort?, afab!reader

‧˚₊ MAIN MASTERLIST ⟢ 141 MASTERLIST ‧₊˚⊹

๋࣭ ⭑ PRICE

⌞one of the perks of being married to john is being supported. quite literally the definition of it, in every form. that goes for your baby too, no questions asked. he's more akin to simon in being traditional while you're expecting. wants you home, resting and not lifting a finger.

he's very particular about who he lets close to you, more than ever now. it makes sense considering his work and the general fragility of a new family. in the same way as kyle, he's constantly stressed. wants everything to be perfect for you and soon to be little one.

always has his eye on you, just like he does all his men. there's nothing he doesn't see or already knows about. honestly, may even spot a bad apple before you do. won't even bother with politeness and will shoo them away before their hand(s) even make contact with your tummy.⌝

๋࣭ ⭑ SIMON

⌞ he was already protective enough before you got pregnant, but he's at a whole new level now. practically a full-time security guard by the time you reach your third trimester. ESPECIALLY when you two find yourselves out and about — which isn't often.

on the off chance that you're at some sort of gathering with simon, he's at your side no matter what. eyeing every person who approaches you, only chiming in when spoken to, out of mere courtesy. as soon as you give him any inkling of discomfort, he's asking you if he should go start the car.

one thing he hasn't gotten used to yet is the touching. how people often belaud pregnant women. cross boundaries constantly to get a feel of them and their bellies. it's already hard enough getting the man to relax, but it's hopeless now with all the new people he "needs" to keep an eye on. it's not a matter of him catching someone touching your belly; he'll already be standing there most likely. glares, huffs, will certainly go as far as removing their hand if it lingers long enough.⌝

๋࣭ ⭑ SOAP

⌞doesn't see any point in excluding you from functions if you think you can handle them. loves having you on his lap or right beside him when he's out, even in pregnancy. as long as you're comfortable and able to signal to him when you're too tired or need something — he's just happy you're there.

most of all, johnny is fiercely protective of the bump. more than he is of you (which is nearly unfathomable, i know). and if there's one thing he loves more than you — it's gushing about you to anyone who'll listen. so, initially, he might not notice someone making you tense while amid his blabbing.

but after so long with him, you've learned to accept the flattery for what it is and remember how easy it is for him to get distracted. a firm squeeze to his hand or a tug to his jacket will do the trick. but once realizes what's happening, he's on it (with his new Dad Speed). finds a way to distract the person and slip you the car keys. promises he'll be out in two minutes to drive you home — and he always is.⌝

๋࣭ ⭑ GAZ

⌞ even though he'd prefer you bundled up in bed and waiting for him, kyle still enjoys doing things with you. he definitely gives a wider berth than the other guys, but he's just as vigilant (if not more). he's more subtle about it, if anything.

it isn't just you to protect anymore, it's you and his baby. so, forgive the man for his pinched brows and clenched fists, he's reverted into nothing but a ball of anxiety the further the months progress.

doesn't mind people having a feel of you, usually, when they only mean well (it's typically older ladies anyhow). but sometimes it's a more unsavory interaction; someone who isn't taking any hints, who can't bear to leave the two of you alone. on one hand, gaz understands — an expectant, attractive couple out on a wholesome shopping trip is bound to lure attention. he takes a slower approach, less hostile to avoid upsetting you anyone. brushes it off with an excuse; "oh, love, you got that appointment today, right? don't wanna be late." and then makes his exit, a guiding hand around your waist.⌝

[atebyflowers]

︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎vampire!reader x ellie williams

cw: blood drinking, fingering, sub!ellie, angst (?) . . .

thinking about ellie and vampire!reader being dangerously obsessed with eachother . . . from the moment you layed eyes on her, she was all you could think about, all you could dream about tasting. you promised yourself you'd try to stay away from her as much as possible. "only friends" is what you had decided on in your mind if she would even give you the chance . . . which she did. over time, you two drifted towards eachother so naturally. it was impossible, being with her was so easy, every second close to her made it harder to hold back.

and now, here you are ... ellie seated on the edge of your bed as you straddle her — fighting with your senses, and her words. "we can't keep doing this ellie. . . it isn't good for either of us" you told her, hesitant on where to put ur hands — terrified of sending yourself over the edge uncontrollably. "i don't want to live without you" she whispers, your eyes now meeting — the way she looks at you being the worst weakness possible. "i'm not asking you to" you sigh in response before adding on, "i can't live with myself if something happens to you ellie... something because of me".

your tone put knots in her stomach, sometimes all she wished for was to understand you to the fullest — without any differences pulling you apart. "you won't hurt me, i know you won't" she protests, causing you to shake your head in response. "you don't know that and neither do i ... baby im not asking you to live without me we just can't be ... this close" you respond, pushing back off of her lap, trailing towards your dresser as she focuses on your every move, almost as if she was hypnotized. while she hesitates for a moment, ellie slowly stands up and walks towards you — careful with her movement before she speaks. "i want you to feed" she tells through words spoken just above a whisper, her hands gently reaching towards yours, before making their way up your arm and onto your face — cupping it before you can respond. "i can't control it ellie ... what if i hurt you? what if i can't stop? it's not just an addiction to you els... it's one to me too" you question her, eyes almost tearful as you imagine what could possibly go wrong if this continues — ellie, to stubborn to listen.

"you've done it before .. we've done this before .. you're always careful" she reminds you, and it's true. you have done this before, you've tasted her multiple times. but what you hadn't told her, is how deep the addiction was growing. how desperately you craved for her blood some nights. how terrified you were that one day you might not be able to control how far you go. "i don't want to hurt you.." you finally respond, and with those words — she takes the initiative, pressing her lips against yours with slight aggression in an attempt to shut you up... and you listen. it's as tough as it could possibly be without you taking full control, both of your mouths attached as you follow her back onto the bed — ellie, beneath you as always as your hand trails up and down her leg, tongues entwined with soft moans flowing out.

hesitantly, you move from her mouth and down to her neck, ellie instantly getting louder the moment you began to suck on her skin. "y/n... please" she begs, your body and mind knowing exactly what she wants despite previous conversations. "promise me you'll tell me if it hurts. push me off ellie, please don't let me go to far" you're practically begging as well. "ellie" you add on in a more serious matter, and despite her nearly falling apart from your touch — "yes- fuck okay i will baby just please..." she gasps out, with sharp teeth slowly sinking into her skin, a rush turns both of you on as blood drips down your lips and through your cleavage. "God you taste so good" you whine, loud moans mixed with pain and pleasure make their way to your ears — as one of your hands makes its way down her pants, the other caressing her face as you suck her dry.

it's so messy.. your fingers thrusting inside of her while her blood covers both of you.. your mouth switching between her skin, and her lips — which you can't help but bite down on in the process. "i'm s-so close" she whimpers like an overwhelmed puppy, her body soaked underneath you as your fingers reach deeper than they've ever managed to before.. so consumed in the moment. "c'mon baby.. just a little bit more yeah? almost there.." you tell her as you speed up your pace, swearing you can feel her blood running through your veins everytime you swallow. “god, don’t stop please" she begs, her voice trembling with desperation, her nails digging into your hips as you feel her clench around you. a trail of loud whines and mumbled words come out of her as she releases onto your fingers, your teeth slowly making their way out of her skin — ellie lightheaded, barely able to feel them pulling out of her. as your fingers copy your teeth, slowly pulling out of her dripping cunt, you lick the access blood off of her body — careful not to miss a spot before you bring your fingers to your mouth, consuming every part of her you can access.

"you're okay honey.. i got you" you comfort her with soft words, both hands now cupping and caressing her face as she catches her breath and comes back to reality, the wound on her neck stinging in a way that's so painful it's almost addicting. taking notice to the damp tears covering her cheeks and sore lips, you carefully pry away from her and she whimpers from lack of contact. "shh.. it's okay it's okay... jus need to clean you up els" you reassure her, quickly grabbing a towel and first aid kit. you start off by cleaning up her swollen body, before making your way towards her neck — gently cleaning the wound you had left, before covering it with a bandaid. "there .. s'all better" you whisper, and she smiles sweetly as you place a kiss on both the bandaid and her cheek — taking notice to the way she struggles to keep her eyes open, her body worn out. as you pull her into your arms, she almost instantly falls asleep at your touch, soft hands petting her head and sending her into such a natural state of comfort.

watching her sleep was the one thing you looked forward too every time this passed. everytime she let you feed. but this was different. unknown to ellie, this was the last time. a distressing decision made in your head as you drained the blood from her body, struggling to catch yourself as you fell in and out of the struggle to keep going. it was one out of many times you felt genuine fear being so lost amongst her taste. she was so precious... so delicate compared to you... you could never fully reciprocate it no matter how much you tried. no matter how much she thought you could. and so quietly, cautiously, you slip her out of your arms, careful to not wake her as you sit up. with head in your hands for a few moments, your heart burns, but your mind is strict. one last time, you remind yourself before turning to look back at her — placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, tears welling in your eyes alongside a saddened smile. it was destined to happen. you knew you'd never last, and once it started it would have to end eventually if you didn't want to hurt her. but the realization of how deep the connection would be, didn't hit until your last moments near her.. the more you craved her, the firther you had to stray.

[byexbyez]

love me more | leon kennedy x f!reader

pairing: re4r!leon kennedy x f!reader

summary:

“C’mon, it’ll be convenient.”

You hate that word. You hate that word with your whole being. Back then, it meant something entirely different when he said it. We can get to know each other, then we can get married. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’ll be convenient. Convenient is why you married him. Convenient is why you are here now.

word count: 19k

warnings: 18+ towards the end, angst, yearning, marriage of convenience but there isn't a tangible convenience, strangers to spouses dynamic, grief/mourning, depictions of depression and low self-esteem, also trauma and anxiety, family issues, kinda touch-starved leon if you squint, domestic fluff if you try hard enough, non-linear and vague timeline, mentions of canon typical violence, alcohol and cigarette consumption, p in v smut, brief alternation of POVs, ada wong mention, suicidal thoughts, minor original character, minor character death, spoilers to the hunchback of notre dame, no use of y/n

notes: meant to post this on tumblr after i was done with it but that never happened so here, have it. took me 16 months to post it here lmao. english is not my first language. you have been warned. also beware of a whole lot of mitski and hozier references. enjoy!

-> read on ao3

>> read PART II.

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And I am the idiot with the painted face In the corner, taking up space But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

Me and my husband We're doing better

—Me and My Husband, Mitski

It’s quiet. It has always been that way from the start. Your husband is late, which is not unusual. You sit in the somber light coming from your living room TV. You don’t like the overhead lights, which explains the abundance of lamps around the living room and bedroom in your home. Your husband found it strange that you never turned on the actual lights but it didn’t take him long to realize that you were right. Any kind of overhead light was annoying to him now. He blamed you for his headaches at work.

No matter how many times you told him that he could turn on the overhead lights he insisted that he did not like them anymore. “I like it like this,” he had said. “You’re right, it’s cozier this way.” His head was on your knee, his eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful. You wanted to brush his hair away from his face and maybe scratch a bit as if he was a cat. But you didn’t, you had no idea what he would react like to such an intimate gesture. You turned your gaze away from his peaceful sleeping face to the TV you had been watching on low volume before he stepped through your home’s front door.

It was a fucking joke, really. Thinking twice, three times about touching the man that you call your husband.

You hear his keys jumble from the door. He didn’t tell you what time he would be home, so you didn’t prepare anything for dinner. It’s late anyways. You consider closing your eyes and resting your head on the back of the couch but it hasn’t been long since he told you he could tell when you were not sleeping. You thought about the number of times you pretended and he could tell. Embarrassing. Now that your secret was out, you had to greet him awkwardly.

He calls your name. “Are you asleep?” His voice very faint.

“No,” you answer while untucking your legs from under your butt. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He places the keys on the keyholder. “No lights?”

You reach to your side and turn on one lamp. “I didn’t realize the sun had set.”

“It’s past eleven.” Now that the lamp was on you could see his worried eyes. His five o’clock shadow prominent. “Did you eat anything?” he asks. You can’t tell if he hopes you did or not.

The moment you see the plastic bag in his hand, you shake your head no. Honestly, you were hungry because it had been hours since you ate a bowl of cereal as dinner.

He steps over your legs instead of pushing the coffee table away to make room for himself and plops next to you on the couch. “Brought Chinese,” he says and places the food bag on your lap instead of the coffee table. “You like their fried dumplings.”

You aren’t surprised that he remembers it. He was nice like that, maybe he thinks this is the least he can do. Soon after the wedding, he realized you did not enjoy cooking. It has never been a problem, he knew his way around the kitchen and knew of really good takeout places.  

“Thank you,” you say softly while leaning on the table to place the noodles and the dumplings. “Leon, did you drink?” you ask when you catch a whiff of him.

“Yeah, I’m a little tipsy.”

That explains his lax attitude. He has his arm around you across the back of the couch, he’s sitting close to you. It’s because he wants to eat, you say to yourself. And he’s a little tipsy.

“Did you have fun?” you ask when you separate your chopsticks.

“I wasn’t with anyone,” he says, watching you separate his chopsticks for him. “I had a drink by myself.”

“Only one?” you chuckle.

“One or two,” He cocks his head to your direction and grabs the chopsticks from your fingers. His fingertips are warm.

Unlike you, his body always runs hot. You remember the comment he made when he held your hand and cupped one cheek, kissing you after you two had said “I do”. His breath was hot on the lower part of your face. You somehow felt him everywhere and nowhere at once. “It’s really hot, why are your hands cold?” he had whispered. It was unusually hot on the day you eloped. Leon had to dab his sweat away so often.

“I’m just nervous,” you had whispered back. The hand that he was not holding was trembling, surely, he could tell.

“No need to be.” That was what he said right before your first kiss. It was more of a short peck because he was a gentleman who didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

It was easier for him to say, he didn’t have anything to be nervous about. He looked really beautiful that day and it didn’t help your nerves one bit. You felt like you were committing a crime while signing your documents that sealed the fact that you were now married to Leon Kennedy. You wonder if he felt the same, knowing this marriage was not a real one.

You didn’t lie to anyone really, so why did it feel like you did? You never told anyone you were in love. You never told anyone this was legit. You just told your sister you were married and that Leon was a good man. She had shrieked over the phone, demanded that you quit joking. The moment she was convinced that you were not, she expected pictures of him. The only picture you had of him was from the day you eloped. He had taken your cold hand and placed it on his arm. His other hand on his stomach so he didn’t look awkward. You had raised your small bouquet of baby’s breath to your torso as well. You did not look as nervous as you thought when the photo came in the mail but Leon looked more handsome than you remembered. You emailed it to your sister.

It didn’t take long for her to respond. How the hell did you bag that man??? Do you have blackmail material against him?

We met at work, you replied shortly.

I thought you worked with dudes that are old as fuck.

We don’t work together. Met through a coworker.

Maybe I should change careers. I mean how hard can it be to train as a government agent???

You looked at the multiple question marks she sent after that. I’m telling your husband.

I showed him the picture and he agrees that he’s hot lol. He also would like to have you guys over.

So you both can ask him what he sees in me?

Hey, I’m only joking. We would really like you guys to come over. I want to meet my brother-in-law.

I’ll tell him but he’s very busy.

Sooo what does he do?

Like I said, he’s an agent. Mostly confidential work.

So you can’t tell me?

I really can’t.

You know what? It’s annoying that you can’t tell me what he does but I can understand. What I can’t understand is you getting married. Out of the blue. Without telling me.

That email left a bitter taste in your mouth. She could tell that it was not real. She knew that you were not easy to love. She knew it was impossible for you to get married. That’s why you stalled her invitation for nearly two years. You hadn’t even asked Leon because you did not know how he would react. He knew you had a sister across the country and that she was older than you but never asked about her for a while. You weren’t offended at his uninterest in your life. He didn’t have any reason to be interested in you.

He did say he was an orphan, that one time.

It all made sense after that, he didn’t like to talk about families. Maybe because he wasn’t used to belong. To belong to a family. Belong to someone. Think about them because he belongs to them and they belong to him.

All things considered, you thought Leon turned out more than okay. Closed off but very kind, gentle, understanding.

He leans forward and helps you split one dumpling into two with his chopsticks. His shoulder bumps yours and stays there because he refuses to let go of the back of the couch behind you. When you pull your sleeve over your fingers, he quickly eats one whole dumpling, leaving you with the smaller one that he helped you split and covers your hand with his.

“You cold?” He looks silly when he stuffs his face full of food.

“No.”

“Your hands are cold.” He doesn’t’ say like always but it’s there in his voice.

He doesn’t mind touching you when he’s in a good mood, mostly when he’s a little intoxicated like this. Usually, he’s not a touchy person. You’re glad he’s not, it reminds you that you definitely like him more than he likes you. He needs the little nudge of alcohol to let go of his inhibitions. He didn’t touch you until you gave him the green light on your birthday. He didn’t know what to get you as a gift so he got you yellow roses and the blandest birthday card known to man.

Happy Birthday, from Leon.

“It isn’t anything special, I know.” He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “I’m not good at this stuff.”

But it was special, it was from him; with his emotionally constipated, probably unintended curt message. You knew deep down he had a big heart. He cared enough to stop on his way to get you these. You didn’t think much, because there were times when you didn’t need to think about this, you just reached and hugged him around his waist. “Thank you,” you whispered. “They smell really nice. We need to get a vase for them.”

He finally put his arms around you and you felt the stiffness of his shoulders on top of yours. It was six months into your married life.

Yellow roses. He saw you as a friend. You were okay with it, as long as it meant he was not pushing you away. You were not terrible by any means. Boring and awkward, definitely. But you made it clear to him that he could talk to you about what he wanted when he wanted. He was adamant that it went both ways. However, you genuinely don’t think anything going in your life is worth talking about. Hence, he’s the one who ends up talking most of the time.

He rubs your fingers to bring them warmth. The air of the living room feels awfully similar to that one time he surprised you and laid his head on your lap. That one time you wanted to play with his hair but didn’t. It was just like this. Quiet despite the TV’s low volume, comfortable as the light coming from the lamps was soft on the eyes, smelling of alcohol as he was a little drunk. Unsure as your hands were cold and was this what being friends meant?

Sometimes he craved the quiet. He worked and worked and worked. Voices everywhere. Danger constant. His only quiet was home, you suppose.

“Why didn’t you eat?”

“I ate cereal,” you answer him.

“Has no nutritional value whatsoever,” he mutters.

“Yeah, it’s just me being lazy.”

“I don’t think we have anything in the fridge, I don’t blame you.”

You both finish your food in silence, you pretend to watch the screen in front of you the whole time. You hug your knees to your chest when you’re done and he looks like he can fall asleep any minute.

“How was your day?” you ask to keep him awake. You don’t want him to sleep here and have his back and neck all sore tomorrow.

He rests his chin on his shoulder and gives you a funny look through his long lashes. “Same as always.”

You admit to yourself that you love him like this. He seems free, happy even.

You decide to be bold and tap your shoulder for him to lay his head on.  

He doesn’t seem to be thinking twice as he takes your offer and nuzzles his head on your shoulder. He’s taller and bigger than you, you suppose the position he’s in right now is not comfortable for him. He reaches back around the couch and the other hand crosses his abdomen, gripping your ankle that he is closest to. His thumb draws circles there and your brain short circuits. “How was yours?”

“My day? Nothing exciting. All paperwork.”

He hums as he squeezes your ankle, his hair tickling your nose and lips.

“You really need a shower, Leon.” You make up the courage to smooth down his blonde hair that is sticking up in every direction.

He hums again. “Are you telling me I stink?”

“Yes, mister.”

“I’m tired,” he groans but doesn’t seem tired enough as he pushes his head and messes up your balance on the couch. You have to hold on to the arm rest as he keeps nudging you with his head.

“You’ll feel gross in the morning if you don’t have a shower.”

“You have a point,” he says but does nothing to get up. Maybe it was a bad idea to offer him your shoulder and unknowingly, your ankle. He’s never acted like a kid like this before.

You get up and turn off the TV before you offer him both of your hands. “You’re not tipsy, you’re drunk. Now get up and wash yourself please.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“Yes, you are. You headbutted me.”

He takes your hands and finally gets up. “I think I ran out of shampoo.”

“You can use mine. Brush your teeth while I go get it.” You pat his back.

There’s two bedrooms in the house, one is for guests but you’ve never had guests over since you’ve both moved into this apartment. Leon uses the “guest” room downstairs. He insisted that you take the bigger room. He’s more like a roommate than a spouse.

He’s shirtless in front of the sink, brushing his teeth like you told him to when you knock on his bathroom door and hand him your shampoo. He reads the fragrance and opens its cap to smell it.

“Well, you smell nice so I can’t complain,” he says, toothbrush still in his mouth, dribbling toothpaste everywhere.

You love him in moments like these. This is the moment the wife reaches and kisses the husband. Well, maybe after he’s done dribbling everywhere but you know how this moment should go about. He won’t be like this in the morning. You know very well that he is going to be sober and back to normal Leon. He won’t say anything about his drunk self because he knows you won’t as well.

“Don’t fall in the shower!” you shout as you go upstairs to your room.

“I’m not that drunk!”

The next morning, he sees you making coffee in the kitchen. It hasn’t been long since your schedule got aligned with his. He wonders how the hell you managed to adjust your sleeping hours to the point now you could wake up before him. He used to wake up before you because you often had late shifts.

“Morning,” he says as he smells the delicious coffee that you’re pouring into two mugs. He yawns, scratching an itch on his arm. He did not use to have a coffee machine back when he was living alone. You had brought it with you to this house and saved him from Starbucks’ morning rush hour.

You slide one of the mugs in front of him and give him a warm smile. “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

He blows on the coffee before he takes a sip. “Much better now.” He clears his throat, his morning voice gruff. “I was thinking… We should commute together.”

“To work?” Your eyebrows shoot up.

“Where else?” he snorts. “What’s surprising? Why pay more for gas when we start work at the same time?”

“Wouldn’t that be…”

“It wouldn’t interfere with anything if you think about it. It’s stupid to take both cars to the same place.”

“I might work overtime,” you say and hug yourself.

He nods into his mug and seems like he wants to say more. “Then you can take your car. You’ve just started normal hours. Why are you eager to tire yourself out so quickly?”

So that we don’t have to be awkward around each other.

“C’mon, it’ll be convenient.”

You hate that word. You hate that word with your whole being. Back then, it meant something entirely different when he said it. We can get to know each other, then we can get married. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’ll be convenient. Convenient is why you married him. Convenient is why you are here now.

It is what you repeat to yourself over and over again. It was convenient to have slept with him. It didn’t have to be a big deal. You were lonely. You reckon he had to be, too. Because why else would he want to have sex with you? He did not love you or anything. You could only think of one thing when his face was buried in your neck. You still had his yellow roses. You had preserved them between your book pages.

As he was panting above you, hands grasping your hips with vigor, your thighs caging him in and burning, you felt like a rose stuck between thousands of words never read aloud. Yellow all over, sticking out like a sore thumb between words printed in the smallest font size possible, suffocating. Once belonged with other flowers but now settled down in a place where people thought you’d look pretty.

You hate the color yellow as much as you hate the word convenient. If not, more.

He sees you wince. He cannot guess the reason behind it is his choice of words. “What do you say?”

He is offering, you think. He still likes you enough to ask.

“Okay.”

“Good, we need to get groceries on the way back.”   

People don’t whisper much now that it’s been nearly two years since you two announced to your close work circle that you were married. There were a lot of surprised faces at first, thinking maybe Leon was joking or something. People didn’t know you very well. You were only close with Cathy.

“Perhaps we should wear rings,” said Leon once over dinner. “People don’t believe we’re married.”

“Is that a problem? What others think, I mean?”

He stared at your face while chewing, you couldn’t make out what he was thinking thanks to the dim light emanating from one of the lamps. “They think it’s a joke. Is it so bad that I want to be taken seriously for once? You wanted a wedding dress, I want a ring.”

“When do you want to get them?”

That led to you choosing matching rings with Leon. Simple gold bands. You make sure to wear them to work every day because if you don’t, you worry people will start to whisper again.

First it was, Leon’s not the type to get married, he’s taking the piss out of us, is it April fools today?

Then it turned into: Oh God, he’s serious, he says he got married last weekend.

Eloped? To whom?

He said her name but I don’t remember it, said she’s in archives now.

He’s married to an archivist? How on earth did they meet?

Probably in Donovan’s funeral, saw Hunnigan introducing them.

That wasn’t long ago!

I know, right?

You know some of them thought you had a one-night stand and got pregnant from him. The rumors subsided when that didn’t turn out to be true.

However, people were curious about why Ingrid Hunnigan would introduce an archivist to an agent. It didn’t take long for your name to become known because you had recently switched departments. You had been a systems analyst like Hunnigan, working with late Cathy Donovan. You’d switched to archives after her funeral.

People greeted you when they saw you. Leon’s wife, right?

Yes, but not really.

The first time Leon ever saw you was during agent Donovan’s funeral. He’d gotten back from Spain just a week ago. He did not know agent Donovan well but her name echoed in every corner. She was good at her job. Most of the time, nobody had an idea what she was up to.

“Leon, I want you to meet Cathy’s partner,” said Hunnigan, holding the shoulder of the woman standing next to her.

You stuck your hand out for him to shake and told him your name. It sounded disconsolate coming from your mouth, your own name. Your eyes were dazed, you kept your mouth in a thin line. You didn’t even look at him properly as if this was the hundredth occurrence today, Hunnigan introducing you to someone.

“I’ve heard a lot of great things about agent Donovan.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“Right, she was great,” you said, your eyes straying elsewhere. It looked like Hunnigan’s hand on your shoulder was the only thing keeping you from crumbling down. You looked so small with your shoulders hunched forward. He cringed when he saw you rip out the flesh of the side of your thumb.

Hunnigan went on about Cathy Donovan’s accomplishments to him. You continued to pick at your thumb, him watching your side profile as you kept averting your gaze from people around you. You seemed to be dissociating hard.

“These two were inseparable. I tried asking Cathy to work with me on a small mission once and she praised her so much in turn, I had to suck it up and meet this woman myself as soon as possible,” said Hunnigan heatedly. “I’m such a big fan of Cathy’s, you see, I couldn’t be upset. I love seeing her work with the best.”

“Thanks, that means a lot coming from you,” you managed to say, a beat too late. “I need to use the restroom, be right back.”

Leon knew too well that losing someone was difficult, yet he couldn’t imagine what you were going through. He furrowed his brows the moment his hand made contact with your upper arm. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that, he didn’t want to seem like he took pity on you.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

You made the effort to look him in the eye when it was obvious as day that you were having a hard time keeping your head up.

Your voice barely came out, “Thank you.”

Of course, you did not recognize him the second time he saw you. It was his late celebratory dinner for his mission in Spain. His coworkers had planned a small one, saying he deserved it. Once he was done with his food, he excused himself saying he wanted to get fresh air.

Not too far from the restaurant, you were sitting on a bench alone.

“Those things will kill you, y’know,” he said, eyes pointing to the cigarette you were smoking.

His unexpected voice caused you to jump in your seat. You quickly put the cigarette out by stomping it with your shoe. “I don’t usually… smoke.”

He dragged his feet while walking to sit down on the opposite end of the bench. “You didn’t have to put it out.” Though he thought you were very considerate by doing so.

“Congratulations, for the mission.”

“Thank you— name’s Leon, by the way.”

You stuck your chin out to the direction of the restaurant, “Or so I heard in there.”

“We actually met before. At the funeral.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t remember half the people I met there.”  

“No need to be sorry. You seemed out of it.”

“Yeah, we worked together for a long time, Cathy and I.”

“Look, I know it’s hard and anything I say probably won’t make any difference—”

“You don’t need to—” Your voice quite literally got stuck on your throat, you composed yourself by bringing the side of your fist to your mouth and coughed into it. “I’m trying to get better. I’m here today, which is a miracle in of itself. I know people think it’s probably good to talk about her but I’m just not in the mood, okay? Thank you for your understanding but I don’t need to be reminded, it happened not so long ago.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“No, I know you mean well.” You started to sway your feet on the gravel. It was completely understandable for you to lash out but you seemed uneasy as soon as it was out of you. “Sorry, this is your happy day. I shouldn’t—”

“You realize how many times we said sorry to each other in this past minute?” he laughed. “Also, I lost a partner in Spain. I’m not that happy today.”

Your voice turning faint, seemingly regretting your flash of anger a moment ago, “You probably feel like you shouldn’t be happy.”

He nodded. “He helped me a lot but didn’t make it.” He saw your mouth open and stopped you there. “Don’t say you’re sorry. It loses its meaning when you say it too much.”

“Even if I mean it with my whole heart every time?”

“That means you’re sorry for a lot of things. It’s not healthy to carry that much weight on your shoulders.”

“Right, I’ll be like Quasimodo.” You hunched your shoulders even more forward. “Like the hunchback.”

“From the Disney movie?”

You giggled at his childishness. “Yeah, I heard there’s also a book about it.”

He looked at your squinted eyes and thought you deserved to be happy more.

As you two carried on your now meaningless conversation, he did not know that you were certain on resigning from your job and never turning back to it. You’d started to work on the archives that week, partly because your boss had foreseen you contemplating quitting all together and did not want to lose a highly valuable member such as yourself and partly because you had requested it.

At that point, you were absolutely aware of the fact that they feared you’d never turn back to your former position. And because Cathy didn’t have any plans of ever becoming alive, you also didn’t have any plans on returning. But you knew the reason behind them doing anything you asked was them giving you time to grieve. After that, the pressure would build even more and hopefully make you take your old place.

“It was Hunnigan’s idea,” you said to Leon after he asked you very kindly why you were here tonight. “Basically dragged me here. She thinks I should be around people more.”

“She’s right. I’m glad you came.”

Leon was cute, alright. That didn’t do him justice, actually. It was evident under the street light where the bench was that he worked out regularly. Biceps giving a hard time to his sleeves every time he moved, veins protruding on his forearms, his thighs looking like they’d help him carry ten people on his large back. And oh, his broader-than-the-horizon shoulders. An absolute unit of a man with cheekbones and jawline honed like a Greek statue. With his dark blonde hair falling on his face in that charming way and his oh so kind blue eyes, you knew he was out of your league.

His gentle aura making him seem like a Prince Charming or a white knight or whatever the fuck those Disney movies had.

You planned on never seeing anyone from work again, you had nothing to lose. And Cathy so would say to shoot your shot.

“I’m thinkin’ of getting a few drinks in me, want to tag along?”

“What do you have in mind?” He seemed interested, a good sign.

“You got any suggestions? And don’t say beer because I plan on getting wasted beyond recognition in like an hour.”

“Yeah, be careful. And don’t drink and drive.” The way he took a U-turn on his interest irritated you. You really thought he wouldn’t say no, you were getting along well, flirting even. “Did you come here with your car?”

“Yeah.” You tried to not sound upset. “I’m not a teenager. I’ll take a cab. Drinks will be on me.”

“Ah, thanks but I’ll have to refuse. They’ll probably wonder where I went. It’s my dinner, after all.” The polite smile he gave you was so infuriating.

You got up from the bench. He had the audacity to look you up and down after that. “Then please tell Hunnigan I’m sorry I left early, will you?”

“I will.” He fidgeted and crossed his arms. Oh God, you’d made him uncomfortable. It was just minutes ago he was sort of flirting with you. “Don’t drink too much.”

God, why did he have to be so annoying?

The next time you two met was at the closest pharmacist to work, few weeks after his dinner and your failed attempt to get him in your bed.  

“One box of aspirin, please.” Your head snapped up at that voice. Unmistakably, Leon. With his broad back facing you, he hadn’t seen you yet.

“What can I get you, miss?”

Leon stepped over to the side when they called to you, still not looking at you.

“Eyedrops, please.”

“Miss, are you alright?”

To that, he did a double-take. You’d looked disheveled to the point of worry. Eyes and nose a few shades redder than the rest of your face, eyebags puffy and makeup smudged. With your now extremely frizzy baby hairs doing anything but their job of framing your face, it was apparent that you’d been crying.

“Yes, it’s just an allergy.”

“Can I get you anything for that?”

“No, thank you. I already have meds for it.”

Leon thanked when they gave him his aspirin and turned to you. “Wait here, don’t go anywhere.” He quickly left the pharmacist.

Surprisingly, you did wait for him outside. Why? You had no idea. Frankly, you were hoping to cry more in your car.

Approximately five minutes later, he came to you jogging lightly. He thrusted a water bottle in your hand. “Where’s your medication?”

“What?”

“For your allergy?”

“Oh, um—” You couldn’t find a lie fast enough, usually you were not bad at lying but the way he appeared to be worrying about your well-being was baffling to say the least. “I don’t have it, I mean—” You pressed the water bottle to your stomach and held on to it for comfort. “I don’t have an allergy.”

It was his turn to be baffled. “Are you alright?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“You don’t look like it.” He looked at you and around you as though checking to see any injury. “You should drink up.” He motioned to the bottle and watched you take a gulp.

“Thank you. Oh, you should, too,” You tried to give him the rest of the water while his stare questioned you. “For your aspirin.”

“I already took it. I’m supposed to take it with water?”

“Yes, Leon. Have you been taking them without water this whole time? Then why did you bring me water?”

“I didn’t know that! You looked dehydrated.”

“That’s not good for you. Now I’m worried about your stomach.”

His blue eyes shined like he came to a revelation. “That’s why my stomach burns when I take them?”

How are you this stupid, you suppressed saying, if you had known him well enough at that time, you definitely would. You forgot for a second that you were annoyed at him for rejecting you few weeks ago and find yourself flabbergasted at thinking that he is endearing, in a way.

You made small talk with him about his lunch break and he insisted on walking you to your car.

“Can I help you with anything?” he said sympathetically once you stood in front of your open car door. “You still look…”

Like a truck hit me, you wanted to complete his sentence.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. It just happens time to time.” You tried to make yourself presentable by adjusting your blouse and hair.

“It?”

“Sometimes I cry for no reason. It happens randomly, too, I don’t know when and where I’ll be crying most of the time. Like, I’ll be reading something, it doesn’t have to be sad, I mean— I was reading reports before I came here. Sometimes it gets too much, like now.”

“Will you be okay driving?”

“Yeah! Talking with you definitely helped.” His apprehensive gaze pierced through you. You actually felt like crying again, your chest feeling tight, eyes burning. You stood upright with the support of your car door. “I’ll be fine, Leon.”

“I’m choosing to believe you. Drive safe.” He shifted his weight on one of his legs and seemed ready to take off.

“Thank you. See you around?”

“You probably won’t for a while,” he said to the ground, soothing the itch on his calf with his other leg’s shin. He looked up and squinted his eyes against the sun. “I got assigned a mission. I don’t know for how long.”

“Oh, I’ll be at your celebratory dinner then, if I get an invitation.”

“Well, I don’t know how it will go. I’ll only invite you if you won’t talk for the whole dinner but flirt with me outside again.”

“You didn’t need to embarrass me like that,” you chuckled nervously. “I wouldn’t say I’m a push and pull kind of woman.”

“You can show me what kind of woman you are when I get back?”

“Very smooth, Leon.”

He seemed taken aback. “I’ll see you then.” Suddenly, he was distant again. This time you didn’t know what made him uneasy.

“Yeah… Be safe on your mission.”

He just nodded. You got in your car and gripped the steering wheel tightly until the sight of his leather jacket clad back disappeared. You hunched forward, shoved your forehead to the wheel and tried to take a deep breath. The crying spell didn’t go away as the tears burst down first and then the sobs jerked your entire body.

I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask you, neither should you

Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

—Like Real People Do, Hozier

The inside of Leon’s car smells nice, he takes good care of it.

“I’m going to see my sister this weekend,” you say, averting your gaze from the way he steers the wheel with one hand. His other hand is on his knee, tapping away. The effect his toned arms have on you is humiliating.

“I think I can make it.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t have anything that day. I can go with you. It’s your mother’s death anniversary, right? I think it’s time I pay my respects.”

It’s these things he says that leave you puzzled. He’s incredibly thoughtful, no matter who he’s talking to. He very well could have his day off-work for himself, but he asks anyway.

“Do you actually want to meet my sister?”

“I do. I hope to make a good first impression.”

You think about it for a second and end up telling him. “I sent a picture of you to her back when we got married.”

“How’d you get a picture of me?” he asks, appalled. The only picture he has of himself besides the wedding one is on his badge.

“Our wedding picture, dummy. We have one, remember?”

“Oh, right, I forgot.” You can’t complain because you keep it in a dresser drawer in the envelope it came in. He was on duty again when it came and you’d showed it to him once he was home. The left corner of his lips had curled up and for a second, you thought you saw affection in his eyes. “It came out okay? I was sweating buckets, but you—" he’d said and pointed a finger to your face in the photo. “Your hands were ice cold, I nearly asked you to paste your hands to my forehead just so I could cool down.”

“We still have the picture, right?” he asks.

“Yes, it’s in my room. Why?”

“Can I have it?”

“Yeah, they sent two. Can I ask what you’re going to do with it?”

“Give it to the mafia or hire a hitman to go after you, what else?” He lets out a hollow laugh. You want to record the sound and have it forever play in your ears. “I want to frame it and put it on my desk. People usually have pictures of their spouses and children or even their dogs on their desks, no?”

Yes, you know. You have pictures with your best friend and sister on your own desk at work.

It’s his way of saying you mean something to him.

You call your sister’s name as soon as you see it. “Why do you have this picture here?”

She’s carrying the empty plates to the sink as you hold on to her fridge’s door handle.

She looks up to see you pointing at your wedding picture. It’s on her fridge. You don’t even display it in your own house.

“You printed it?”

“I did,” she says. “It’s a good picture.” Her house is littered with pictures of her and her husband on different vacations, of you and your mother and her together in some.

“You just met Leon today.”

“And I think he’s great. You’re happy with him. That’s all I could ask for.”

You were happy since he was in a good mood the entire ride coming here. It was long but you two had a smooth ride and he amused you with his corny jokes and stories. You tore small pieces of bagel and fed him when he said he was getting hungry. He was tired from driving the whole time, but of course he didn’t have it any other way and jestingly banned you from getting behind the wheel. He did make a good first impression like he promised, although he kept bobbing his cramped leg. He’s now in the backyard with your brother-in-law, chatting about football, probably.

Your sister gets your attention by giving you a side hug and rubbing your back. “You’re my only sister, of course I’m going to have a picture of your happiest day.”

You hug her back around her waist. She even had photos of your birth in the living room. Your mom in a hospital bed, one day-old baby you cradled in her arms, your father hugging your mother and looking down at you with adoration in his eyes. Did he know then, that he would never be there for you to look at you like that again?

“You remember dad, right?” you ask quietly. She was older and was able to tell stories about him to you. “How was he like? Before he left, I mean.”

“Like I told you, he loved us so much. I don’t know if it was the same case for my mom. She later told me she saw it coming, that he likely had another woman.”

“How did mom know?”

Your sister sighs and rest her head on top of yours. “She said she could just feel it. Said he felt distant. He used to come home late leading up to it, sometimes drunk. One day I woke up and he wasn’t home. Didn’t say anything, just abandoned us like that.”

There’s that sadness again, creeping up to your chest and placing a big rock there. You feel like you’re being crushed by it. Your mom had always been ambitious, had dreams for herself and her family, deserved so much more than what she got.

Leon’s laughing loudly in the backyard, your head whips to see the sight.

“Come on, go mingle with your husband. I got it from here,” says your sister and starts to place the dishes in the dishwasher.

“I’ll go get us some beer,” says your brother-in-law and gets up from his chair. The weather is amazing today, your sister had set up a nice meal outside. Leon was getting along with them well. What more could you ask for?

You find yourself alone with Leon when your brother-in-law goes inside the house. You sit next to him and he promptly puts his arm on the back of your chair.

“How’s your leg?” you ask him.

“My thighs are sore,” he groans. “Good thing we’re not driving back tonight.”

“Well, I wouldn’t let you anyways.” You put a hand on his knee and start to massage, hoping it will help his aching legs. You’re even bolder than a few days ago. He doesn’t seem to mind it.

“It hurts here,” he says and grabs your hand, placing it higher on his thigh. “You can put more pressure, I can hardly feel it.” His thigh is firm and thank God, your hands manage to stay stable. You ball your hands into fists and start to punch lightly where he wants. The meat of his thighs doesn’t even jiggle, reminding you that he’s mostly made of muscle.

You focus up on his knees. “I’ll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow.”

“I can—”

“No. You’re tired, Leon. I want to drive, don’t make me upset.”  

“Would you actually be upset if I—”

“Yes, very.” You pinch his thigh and that makes him press his lips together.

“They’re really nice, you know,” he means your sister and her husband. “I feel like an ass for not meeting them sooner.”

“You like them?” You raise an eyebrow.  

“I do.”

“So, any propositions?”

“Huh?”

“Got asked for a threesome yet?” you smirk.

“I’m sorry?” He’s horrified and you find it funny.

“After I sent the wedding picture to them, they both said you were hot. I just remembered it.”

“I’d rather not know that!”

“Relax, Kennedy. I’m just joking. They’re not gonna ask you that.”

He visibly relaxes and puts you in a headlock in a play-fight manner with the arm that was behind you. His nose and mouth pressed up against your hair, he says, “I’ll just tell them I’m a one-lady type of man if they ever do.” You consider biting his arm.

“Can the lovebirds look up here for a second?” chirps your sister. She has come with her camera outside. “It’s the golden hour.”

Leon adjusts his head to look towards the camera and relaxes his hold on you, arm dangling from your shoulder, other hand engulfs yours on his knee, rings clashing.  

“Aww,” your sister coos as she takes the photo. “I’ll send this to you.”

She doesn’t suspect a thing, probably because you’re not pretending anymore.

You splash your face with cold water after you’re done brushing your teeth in your sister’s guest room bathroom. Leon’s inside the room, splayed out on the bed, exhausted after today. It won’t be awkward, you say to yourself, hope to God your hands don’t start to tremble from anxiety.

Leon has taken off his t-shirt, bent one of his knees and put his hands behind his head. Not helping your case by looking irresistible. Even the tufts of hair under his arms are endearing to you.

“How are you holding up?” he asks once you sit on the bed next to him, back facing him. He knows you will visit Cathy too when you get back.

“I’m good, Leon.” You take off your ring and place it next to his on the bedside drawer. “Never been better, actually. I missed them.” You twist your upper body to face him. “Here,” you say as you place your newly washed cold damp hands on both sides of his face in attempts to cool him down.

He shivers, his shoulders going up slightly for a quick second. “That’s nice,” he murmurs, closing his eyes. You’re silent, in part because you’re speechless before his beauty, but you also would like to try to give him a little piece of serenity he needs.

“This used to be my mom’s room when she was living here.”

He hums softly and opens his eyes, his hands coming up to hold on to your bare arms, the skin between his eyebrows pinched.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, hands finding place on his broad shoulders.

He starts to rub your arms up and down, his hands stopping after a while to trace a strap of your tank top with his fingers. All of your worries about intimate gestures going out the window the moment you let his hands wander.

This is the tender domesticity that you’ve been longing for so badly, you want to thank him.

He scrunches his nose. “I wanted to kiss you, now I think it’ll be inappropriate.”

Your breath hitches in your throat. Your grip on his shoulders is now stronger, begging not to tremble. He feels lonely, he shouldn’t have come here. You have to swallow hard. “It won’t.”

His hand goes up to cup the back of your neck, he’s staring at your lips like he doesn’t wish for anything else. “C’mere.” He tugs at your hip to get the lower half of your body up on the bed. He drapes you halfway on his torso.

Once you’re situated to his liking and casting a shadow on his face, he brings you down ever so gently to his mouth, massaging your nape. He’s hot all over, his mouth, his breath on your face, his chest, the hand that’s splaying his fingers on the small of your back. With his soft lips moving lazily against yours, you’re quite literally bursting at the seams. The muffled sigh he drags across your mouth tempts you to press your entire body to his harder and sling your leg across his hips.

His kisses turn into open-mouthed ones and he tastes like minty toothpaste and sunlight on golden hour.

A small noise comes out of your throat, hands straying down to his bare chest and he has to cradle your face to stop. “We should sleep.” His Adam’s apple bobs enticingly. “I seriously don’t want to disrespect your mother’s ghost.”

A laugh escapes your lips as he hugs your head and buries it to his chest, his chin resting on top. “You’ll apologize to her tomorrow.”

It’s okay, you think when you feel the low timbre of his chuckle on his chest. We’re okay. We’re doing better.

There's no plan, there's no race to be run The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun There's no plan, there's no kingdom to come I'll be your man if you got love to get done Sit in and watch the sunlight fade Honey, enjoy, it's gettin' late There's no plan, there's no hand on the rein

—No Plan, Hozier

The fourth time you saw Leon Kennedy was at a bar. You thought his coworkers were going to be there to see him after his mission but it was just you two.

He had emailed you a day before, saying he asked for your email address from Hunnigan, inviting you for drinks the next day and apologizing for letting you know this late.

“Where’s everyone? Am I early?” you asked, despite noticing the table he was sitting at was for two people.

He looked up and you were taken aback by the sight of him. He looked tired. He had a bit of a stubble and his hair was tousled. “No, you’re right on time,” he said, getting up to pull your chair for you. “It’s good to see you.”

“Likewise,” you said, ridding yourself from your jacket. You actually put in the effort to look good that day. A nice outfit, a little bit more makeup, hair done.

As you sat down in front of him, a corner of his lips went up, “You look good.”

“The last time we spoke wasn’t my best moment.”

“How have you been?”

You placed your hands on the table and started to play with your fingers, anxious. “Since then? Better, I suppose. How about you? Your mission went well?”

“Depends on how you define well.”

“You’re still in one piece.”

“If only that was enough.” You didn’t get to see his disappointed expression for long when a server came up to your table and Leon quickly ordered a drink, asked what you wanted and waited with his hands together on the table.

Once the server was away, you slightly leaned towards him. “They should be grateful that they got their best agent back alright.” Although you couldn’t ask him any details about his mission, you knew he was a special agent that was good at this job.

“Hunnigan told me you’re in the archives.”

“Yeah, that happened months ago, before your dinner.”

“Why the change of heart?”

“I—uh…” Your throat felt dry under his piercing stare. “I wasn’t needed there anymore. So I transferred.”

“Really? I heard it’s quite the opposite.”

“Oh, they’re talking about me?”

“Yes, seems like they really want you to work with agents again.”

“I know that,” you said and dug your fingernails to the corner of the table, his eyes following the motion.

“What do you mean?” he said, scratching his jaw. “You said you weren’t needed.”

“I felt like I wasn’t being useful. I tried to quit. They tried really hard to keep me there. Now, they’re constantly asking me to come back after everything.”

“They do know how to squeeze the last bit out of everyone,” he nodded. “Are you happy with where you are right now?”

“As in life?” You rolled your eyes thinking about it. “What does it look like?”

“I was worried the last time I saw you.” He sounded sincere.

“I know, I looked miserable.” Probably looked like the physical embodiment of a cry for help, too. “Can we not dwell on it, please? I’m better now. But now you—” You reach and tap on the middle of the table. “You look like you need to sleep for days.”

“That would be great,” he sighed.

You kept looking at the door but no one from work was coming in. “Why is no one coming, Leon?”

“They won’t, to be honest with you. I only invited you.”

Your back was then one with the chair. “Oh.”

“I should’ve let you know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I don’t mind the quiet,” you smiled. And then you realized, he was doing the same thing you were doing, pushing anyone and anything away.

Him reaching out to you, this was his cry for help. Why you specifically, you didn’t know.

“You told me you lost a partner in Spain, were you close?”

To that, he dropped his chin and stared at his lap. “No, I wouldn’t say that. I didn’t know him. We met under strange circumstances and ended up helping each other. I got the impression that he regretted a lot of things but wanted to believe people could change.”

“I believe people can change, for the better or worse,” you mumbled.

Your server came with your drinks. Leon didn’t waste a second and downed nearly half of his drink. “You tried to quit?” he asked.

“I did. I thought it was time for a little stability in my life. This is as far as I can get to it,” you said and took a sip of your drink which was the same one as Leon. It was strong.

“Stability. That’s unlikely in this job,” he scoffed, fingers tapping at his glass.

“Do you see it as impossible, Leon?” You desperately hoped he would say no, you needed to hear from someone that it wasn’t just a pipe dream.  

He seemed to be thinking for a slow moment. “I guess, for some people, it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“For you it would?” you inquired.

“I once thought I would marry my first girlfriend. I was like what? Twenty, twenty-one? I was really stupid and in love. If twenty-one-year-old Leon saw this, he would be devastated,” he said and raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t think I can find someone who would understand what I do. It’s not like I can tell them. They’d be in danger because of me. I can’t ask them to trust me blindly. I wouldn’t want them to.”

“If someone was willing to accept you as you are, do you think..?”

“Who in their right mind would?” he groaned in exasperation.

“I would. But my situation is different, I have an understanding of what you do. I also can’t be in any more danger than I already am.” There was a beat of silence after you said that. The drink was definitely too much for you, you were sure. Your ears were burning hot, one hand coming up to cool one down with your nervous cold fingers, your eyes roamed the whole place. You chugged the remaining of your drink and wiped your mouth.

“Whoa, slow down there,” he bolted and looked at your abashed face as if he was in a contemporary art museum, trying to understand what the artist meant with their absurd piece.

Feeling self-conscious, you fixed your hair and babbled out, “Why did you get into this line of work in the first place?”

His back straightened, shoulders rolling back. “I was… recruited.” You didn’t quite understand how but remained from prodding any further. “I was the best candidate for what they wanted. An orphan who didn’t have anything to lose.”

It really wasn’t going well for you. You wanted to bang your head against the table and avoid looking at him completely but after what he had revealed to you, you couldn’t be any ruder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

If Cathy were to hear about this, you wouldn’t hear the end of it. Good job honey, that’s one way to woo a man. She would’ve said it in that sarcastic tone which she infamously was a master of.

“No, it’s fine,” said Leon. “You could do so much better than me, though.”

Have you seen yourself, you wanted to exclaim.

Your nostrils were wide, trying to sober you up by hogging as much oxygen as possible, you tried to remain calm, you were feral however. “Why do you keep putting yourself down, Leon? You know, you could’ve called your friends today and they would’ve come running to you. You’re a great person, they don’t give a damn about how successful your mission was. They’re happy that you’re back, that’s all. They are your friends, not the alcohol.”  

He was dead silent, staring at his glass with an expression you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“I’m sorry for overstepping but I saw how they were trying to look out for you at the dinner. There wasn’t even a glass of wine there, celebration my ass. Everybody can tell you’re not fine. I don’t know you that well but even I can tell. What you’re doing to yourself isn’t healthy. It’s self-destructive.”

He wiped his forehead. “You’re the one to talk.”

“Excuse me?”

“Hunnigan’s always talking about how you’re running away every time you see her. She has to drag you everywhere. She’s being nice to you, you could try appreciating that, you know? And you’re clearly stuck up on something, are you trying to repent for your sins or what?” He quite literally disarmed you with his icy stare.

“I’m not Catholic,” you retorted.

“Well, would you look at that. We’re more similar than I thought.” The smirk he had on was sardonic, the furthest from being friendly. You felt an urge to get up and never look back.

“Wrong,” you said as you crossed your arms. “I don’t expect alcohol to solve my problems.”

“Yeah, you’d rather run away from them. And that isn’t going well for you, is it?” He finished his drink and motioned for the server for another. “Also, stop being a hypocrite.”

“Excuse you?” you said with seething anger.

“Are you not trying to ‘get wasted beyond recognition’ right now, as you put it?” he sneered and pointed out your empty glass.

“That was one time, I usually don’t drink. And I’m not planning on drinking more.”

“Oh, did I ruin your fun?”

“Stop that,” you said through your gritted teeth. “Stop being mean. I’m not your friend. You don’t have to push me away. I don’t know why you invited me here. I can just get up and go, leave you with whatever you have up your ass that’s making you act like this. I’m only asking you to stop putting yourself down so much and you’re being all defensive. You know what, I don’t deserve this.” You got up from your chair, grabbing your jacket and purse.

He stood up quickly and tried to follow you. “Sit down, Leon. Your drink is coming.” You didn’t give him any chance to reply and threw the amount of cash that covered your single glass of alcohol on the table.

The walk from the noiseless bar to the nearest bus stop was not pleasant, to say the least. The air was biting cold, hitting your warm cheeks and making you shiver.

Leon only lost sight of you because he stopped to tip the server generously. He fucked up big time, he knew that. It was going to be a pain in the ass if you already jumped in a cab but he had hope that no vacant cab was passing the area on a Friday night.

He was stupid to think this would go smoothly. The last time he saw you, he was concerned about you. The way you’d casually admitted you were not fine was echoing in his mind. He wanted to see if you’d be there by the time he was back from duty. He admitted he was scared for you, for that woman who seemed so small during the funeral, for that woman who had a meltdown in her car in the middle of the day, barely hanging on.

He wanted to tell you today that maybe you should quit. But you had already crossed that bridge.

Maybe you wanted to help people, too. At least at the beginning. Now you wanted peace and quiet, because your life has been anything but. Unlike you, he gave up on that a while ago. He wanted to regard your daring words— I would— as being drunk, he really did.

Ada would never admit she’d want something like that to him, to anyone. Ada didn’t want a stable life, she would never live at a place longer than a month, work with someone more than twice. Even after all of their encounters, Leon still didn’t know what her actual motives were. Raccoon City, Spain, his last mission.

It was pitiful, the way his breath would hitch every time he saw a dark-haired woman wearing red out of the corner of his eye. His heart would pound in his ears for a quick second before he’d realize he was mistaken. He would allow himself, for a brief moment, that maybe it was Ada, here to see him. However, she was never the one to be sentimental. Her every action had a tangible intention that Leon could never guess.

But Leon knew she cared. Enough to save him every goddamn time he needed saving. Enough to ask him to come with her. If he was twenty-one, he would’ve chosen to tail behind her, ready to follow her wherever. Except he had changed, he was not naive anymore. He’d like to think he made the right choice by separating their ways back in Spain. He didn’t know if he was going to be used again.

He also didn’t know what would become of them. Needless to say, he wasn’t going to abandon the mission and ride off into the sunset with Ada yet a part of him wondered about their alternate universe in which he chose to follow her. What would have happened if he just hopped onto that helicopter with her? Where would she have taken him? Was she planning on greeting him properly after all those years? Was he ready to forgive her after Raccoon City?

Perhaps she would have dropped him off somewhere, with a phone number or an address, leaving him confused yet again. Maybe he would’ve reached out, met her in a different circumstance where they didn’t have to constantly run away from trouble. Maybe she’d be living in a small flat and then she’d ask him to come over. Maybe he’d continue to visit her, make himself familiar with her small space.

Except that was not feasible at all, since she was a fleeting kind of woman, just like all the moments they shared. Not there to stay. And none of these would happen, it would always be a different hotel room, different city, barring him from being constant in her life.

A puppy love, he used to think. Young, naive, credulous love. No, he realized, it got older and bigger, sicker. It was time to put it down, put it out of its misery.

He sprinted to the bus station, his hunch was right, you were sitting there, arms folded on your chest, alone. You looked up the moment you heard his footsteps. He left a few steps between you two and braced himself by putting his palms on his knees.

“Why did you come here?” he asked, his eyes were focused on your red nose. Probably from the cold, he convinced himself.

“What do you mean? You asked me to,” you grimaced.

“You said we’re not friends, so why did you come here?”

Your head turned opposite of Leon, resting your chin on your shoulder and hugging yourself tighter. “I wanted some company,” you grumbled, the collar of your jacket muffling your voice. “I think Hunnigan’s right and I might need it.”

“Sorry I’m not a decent one.” He took slow steps to sit next to you on the narrow bench of the bus stop, his shoulder grazing yours. That made you perk up at him.

“I’m sorry for the things I said earlier,” you said, holding his gaze.

“You said a lot of things.”

“Well, I’m sorry for all of them, I crossed a line.”

“Don’t be, I needed the scolding.”

“I didn’t mean to scold you.”

He knocked his knee to yours. “Do you always regret the things you say immediately after? I was an asshole, you got angry, rightfully so.”

“But I was the one who started it,” you pursed your lips.

“Doesn’t matter, we’re not kids.”

“I, uh, called a taxi, should be here in a few minutes,” you said after a minute of silence.

“Okay, tell me something in the meantime.”

“What do you want to hear?”

His thumb caressed his brow, he was contemplating. “Would you consider marrying me?”

“What?”

“Would you marry me? If I asked?”

“No, I heard you the first time.” Your eyes took in every inch of his face, searching for a sign, anything that might explain this. “Leon, are you drunk?” 

“No, I’m nowhere near drunk. It takes more than one drink for me to get buzzed.” He crossed his arms, imitating you. “Think about it, we can both try to live calm and stable.”

Your face was contorted in confusion, still for a slight pause. “People don’t marry out of spite, Leon. They marry out of love.”

“Who said anything about spite?”

“You’re clearly angry at something or someone.”

“I am not.”

“This life you are living right now… isn’t quite what you planned, is it? Some things didn’t go according to plan and now you’re here, trying to steer the reins again. And you’re angry.”

“What are you, my therapist?” This time his comeback didn’t sound as if it was meant to hurt you, but to make the air between you lighter. “I guess I do resent some things, doctor.”  

You went along with his enactment. “Admitting is a huge step Leon, I appreciate the honesty.”

“Now you be honest,” he said, bouncing his leg in impatience. “Are you in a relationship? Am I being creepy by cornering you like this?”

“I’m not and I don’t feel cornered. If I did, I’d just get up and go. You just saw.”

He nodded, his lips in a thin line. “Experienced firsthand how you run away from your problems and I don’t mean it figuratively.”

You chuckled. “You are not a problem in my life.”

“Not a friend either.”

Your smile dropped. “I don’t think we know each other that well.”

He hummed, looking far away. “That’s probably your cab.” He got up, shaking off dust from his jeans. “Take my number before you get in and let me know when you make it home safe.”

You gave him your number but didn’t get to write your name in his contacts as the cab drew near. “Thanks for keeping me company, you didn’t need to run after me,” you said as you handed him his phone.

“We won’t dwell on it,” he winked as he opened the back door of the cab for you. “And think it over, okay?”

“What?”

“My proposal. We can get to know each other, then we can get married. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’ll be convenient.”

“Tell me one good thing that will be convenient.”

“Uh, okay. Here’s two for you,” he said and held up two fingers. “A better healthcare plan and tax benefits.”

You laughed and the driver seemed annoyed that you were still standing in front of the open door. “I should get going.”

“Text me when you get home,” he said when you finally got in the car.

You texted him again two weeks after his ridiculous proposal.

Hi, Leon. Do you remember what you asked me after the bar two weeks ago?

Hi. Yes I remember.

Were you being serious or should I pass it as tipsy nonsense?

There was no response from him for a few minutes and you had started biting your nails nervously.

I was being serious. I wasn’t tipsy.

You stared at his short text longer than it took him to reply. You had already made up your mind but it felt cheap telling him over a text. This was not the proper way of doing this. You also didn’t know how to convey this to him, so you resorted to a playful text.

Ask me properly and I’ll consider it.

I’ll ask you again properly over dinner next Friday? I know a good Italian place.

The next Friday, he kept his promise and said those four words in a fancy quiet Italian restaurant. You said yes.

“I have a request,” you said, swirling your wine before taking a sip. “I want a wedding dress, not like a gown or anything. Just a simple white dress.”

“Sure, I already have a suit that I can wear.”

Your heart tugged in your chest. The fact that you had to buy your wedding dress by yourself, no matter how simple you envisioned it to be, without Cathy by your side was making your ears ring, drowning out all the knife and fork clatter around you.

Here's my hand There's the itch But I'm not supposed to scratch

—Love Me More, Mitski

It’s four a.m. and you want to say you’ve actually seen it coming. Every time something good happens, its catastrophe follows eventually. Just like how Cathy’s mission was going so well until it wasn’t.

It’s four a.m. and the meal you’ve prepared for Leon has gone cold on the dining table. You thought he’d be hungry when he came back from mission, so you went out and bought ingredients, followed a recipe word for word, even made soup additionally just in case he didn’t feel like eating solid food after what his body’s been through. He said he’d be back at one a.m. and he hasn’t contacted you since. You’ve called and texted him numerous times but it was radio silence from him.

He had promised you, before you got married, that he would always let you know when he got back from a mission and he always did. He never once forgot because you were very serious about this, wanted to know as soon as possible that he was back safe.

It’s four a.m. and you feel like you’re going crazy, soaring into a heaving fit as each minute passes by.

The sound of his keys makes you clutch at your chest and before you even realize, your legs are walking you to the front door. He’s being quiet and you wait for him few steps behind the door. His steps are feather light, head bowed down to take off his shoes, he exhales a long breath as he places his backpack down.

He flinches when he sees your silhouette in the dark. “God, you scared me. I thought you’d be sleeping.”

“You didn’t text me,” your voice breaks, your hands are clutching at the sides of your pajama shirt like it’s a lifeline.

“I forgot.”

Your tears threaten to fall down and you’re grateful that it’s dark and he can’t see. You bite down your lip strong enough to make it bleed. “I was worried.”

“I’m fine, you didn’t need to stay up.”

It’s not like you chose to, you physically couldn’t lie down or eat anything when your mind went all haywire, creating the worst possible scenarios it could think of.

“I, um, made dinner.” You point to the table. “But it’s gone cold, I can heat it up. Don’t know if it will taste any good, though. Did you have any chance to eat something? I mean, if you ate dinner, it’s been hours and you’re probably hungry—”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I also made soup, so it’s easier on the stomach. You’re tired, right? Just eat some soup and then go to sleep. I’ll heat that up and there’s also tea in the pantry, supposed to help you sleep. Oh, I filled up the bathtub, I’ll go drain it, the water’s gone cold and you probably want to have a hot shower—”

He cuts you off again by blurting out your name. “Hey, hey, slow down.” His calloused hands come up to hold your shoulders and you let out a small whimper of surprise, your chin dropping to your chest. “I don’t want anything, I’ll just sleep.”

You shrug and escape from his hold, so he doesn’t ask you why you’re trembling like a leaf. “But shower…” you manage to make out and point to the direction of his room.

“Yes, I’ll drain the tub and shower, you go to sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” you say softly. He’s home, you repeat deliriously. He’s here, very much alive. The thought calms your nerves instantly.

He doesn’t turn on any of the lights while navigating his home in the dark. You crane your neck to watch his silhouette move to his room. He opts to turn on the bathroom light first. You listen to the water droplets as you put away the food you made for him in containers. He says something you can’t quite hear when he gets out of the shower.

“Did you say something, Leon?” you raise your voice slightly.

“Yeah, did you clean my room?”

“It was messy. Thought it’d be nice to see it tidy when you came back.”

He doesn’t reply right away and your head turns to his direction as if he can see you through the door.

“Thank you. You didn’t need to.”

You actually cleaned the whole house when he was away, not that he had the chance to see it.

You were aware from the very beginning that this was what you got yourself into. You and Leon never promised each other love. But why are you feeling like this now? Stupid question, really. Because things have changed, you’ve grown to love him and you’re afraid. You’re afraid that one day you’ll have to face the world without him by your side because he has become your anchor, holding you in place where you now call home. It’s nice having his warm hands on you, it’s nice coming home to him.

However, in moments like now it feels like you’re playing house, actors going their separate ways after the lights go out. It awfully feels like you’re standing in the middle of a dark stage, curtains closed so nobody can see what goes down behind the scenes.

You’re in front of his door, first aid kit in one hand, knocking. “Leon?” You know he’s not sleeping. He can’t sleep well after he comes back from his missions, his insomnia making it impossible for him.

The door cracks open and you slide past him before he can say anything, perching cross-legged on the side of his bed, placing the kit on your lap before propping his pillow against the bedpost so he can sit comfortably in front of you. “Let me have a look.” You pat on the bed. “And turn on the lamp, please.”

You can finally see him when he does. The first thing you see is the big purple bruise on his side because he’s only wearing his sweatpants. His hair is wet from the shower, hanging to his eyes, eyebags dark and prominent, one of his forearms is freshly bandaged. Despite all, he’s standing tall in front of you.

“They already patched me up,” he says, showing his bandage.

You take his hand and draw him near, making him sit on the bed with one leg dangling from the side. Half of his face is illuminated like this and you can see the cut on his jaw in its full glory. Your fingers begin to work quickly, cleaning the wound all the while he winces by closing his eyes. “Seems like they didn’t take a good look at you. What happened to your ribs?” you ask to distract him.

“Got kicked. They’re not broken.”

You put the band-aid on his jaw and search his eyes as they open. He blinks slowly at you, understanding that you want to hear more. “Hurts when I breathe but it should be gone in a few days, it’s not that bad.”

You take his unwrapped hand in yours, the skin of his knuckles is very red, it probably hurts when he flexes it. You grab the ice pack you remembered to bring with you and place it on top on his knuckles.

“Not there,” he mumbles. “Put in on my shoulder, it’s really sore.”

You place the pack on the shoulder he points. He tries to turn his head that way but his face contorts in pain and he gives up, exhaling a long sigh.

“Did you have them wrap it up?”

“No, can’t be bothered to rewrap it later.”

“That’s why you have me to do it for you,” you hum, adjusting the ice pack. You’re closer to him like this, able to smell his soap and shampoo from his body. You can make out the shape of his chapped lips and yours ache to kiss his pain away, except you are overheated with grievance.

His eyes bore into you, taking you in. There’s an unassuming hand on your bent knee, squeezing lightly. “Did I scare you?” he asks.

“You promised me,” you gripe to him, fumbling with your fingers on your lap after you place the first aid kit next to you. “You promised me that you’d let me know when you were back. Of course I was scared.”

His forehead falls onto your shoulder, damp strands of hair pressed to the side of your neck as the ice pack tumbles down his back onto the bed. “I’m sorry, honey,” he says breathily.

He’s only called you by your name all this time, so this is new. And stomach lurching. Your cheek knocks the side of his head with your startled reaction.

“I have no excuse,” he murmurs. His palm on your knee slides up, leaving a burning sensation as it goes along your thigh, bypassing your hips and finding place on the curve of your waist.

“It’s okay,” you squeak when you feel his thumb caressing your ribs through your t-shirt.

You don’t remember ever sitting down with him, drawing lines about the nature of your relationship, lines that both of you never meant to cross, because you didn’t. You didn’t discuss anything about boundaries because at the time you were getting married, you didn’t know him much. Both of you assumed that it would naturally develop, silent agreements to come.

It was manageable before, now it confuses you to the point of ripping hair from your own head. There were times where you didn’t think twice about giving him a friendly hug, a pat on the back, a reassuring squeeze to his knee but after getting into bed with him, every action was testing the waters.

It wasn’t even a bed; it was the couch in the living room where you had countless dinners and conversations, the heart of the home, if you will. It felt shameful afterwards as if it happened in an open space, because it was quick and devoid of any intimacy, but it was in the confines of your own quiet home still.

You want to go back to the time when you were friends, and not what this was supposed to be. You want to go back to the time when you didn’t know how it felt to have him like that, when you didn’t know his touch would be so tantalizing, his lips unbearably addicting, his warmth conquering.

Initially, you thought you’d cross any bridge regarding him when you came across it, but there weren’t any bridges around to reach him to begin with. You quickly realized that he had burned them before you, for everyone. So, you painstakingly built each and every one of them with your bare hands, desperate to get to him. And him shaking them felt immensely unfair, all your hard work threatened to fall.

Your hand on his chest pushes him away ever so slightly before his hand drops from your waist. He hisses softly yet the action hurts you more than it hurts him. He yields to your touch, back leaning on his propped-up pillow, waiting for you to gather the scatter of your thoughts patiently.

“Stop confusing me, Leon.”

“What do you mean?”

“What am I to you exactly?”

“You’re my wife,” he says. Obviously.

“So why doesn’t it feel like it?”

“We never guaranteed that it would.”

“Yeah, I know that. All this time I thought maybe we were doing better, now I don’t know Leon, you’re confusing me. Either stop giving me hope or just say it outright.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“That I’m just a fuck buddy to you.”

His jaw ticks, lips curl in disdain. “How shallow do you think I am?”

“I know we never established any boundaries between each other but it’s gotten to a point where I don’t know how I should act around you.”

His face stays stagnant. “You can’t be serious. Your boundaries were set from the beginning. You never had a place for me in your heart.”

Time seems to stop for you in that dire moment, Leon’s blue eyes serving you a new wrench of dismay. “When did I give off that impression?”

“Our first anniversary,” he clarifies hoarsely. “We ate pizza on the couch, remember?”

You do, you even remember the Disney movie he had rented as a cheeky nod to time you two first flirted. The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

“I always wonder why you said yes to my proposal in the first place,” he said after taking a bite from his pizza slice. It had been a year since getting married, Hunnigan was the one to point out to him. Apparently, she was proud of herself due to the fact that she was the one to introduce you two.

“I thought of Cathy and what she would’ve said to me,” you said, watching the animated Quasimodo sing his heart out to the town below him.

“What would she have said?”

“That it is ridiculous and maybe I should say yes.”

“So, you thought of what Cathy would’ve said to you getting married but not your family?”

You turned your head to him, ready to get vulnerable. “Cathy was family to me.”

“I didn’t know you two were that close.”

“Yeah, we met when we were roommates back in college. She urged me to change majors and follow her path.”

“To become an agent?”

“No, she was the one who always wanted to be a special agent. I didn’t know what to do at first but somehow ended up working alongside her.”

“What were you studying before?”

“I was studying to become a nurse. Kind of in my sister’s path, she’s a doctor.”

He scratched his nape, looking ashamed. “I believe I never asked that before, sorry about that.”

You elbowed his side after taking a sip of your drink. “Yeah, you better be sorry for not knowing what your sister-in-law does for work.”

He rolled his eyes upon your teasing. “Were they supportive of you changing majors? Your family, I mean.”

“My family’s always been small. It’s just me and my mom and sister. Dad’s never been in the picture. He left when I was a few months old. My mom raised us herself. And yes, she would support anything I did. She loved Cathy because she would make me do things I’d never do myself.”

“Your mom sounds like a great person.”

“She was. She died four days before Cathy did.”

“I’m… sorry to hear that,” he said, much more ashamed than before. You didn’t blame him, the first year of your marriage flew by really fast, with him on duty most of it. Forget sitting down like this to talk, you rarely got any chance to see him.

“Yeah, their deaths being so close fucked me up really bad. We were on mission. My mom was living with my sister then because she was sick. My sister didn’t tell me her condition was even worse than before.”

“Why?”

“Mom knew we were working on something big and begged my sister not to tell me. She thought she’d see me after I was done with the mission. I had a whole fight with my sister about it. I felt betrayed.”

“I think I would, too, in that situation.”

“I was so fucking unprofessional after that. I couldn’t keep on helping Cathy properly. And she—”

“It isn’t your fault.” He shook his head, meeting your gaze in the space between you two on the couch.

“I’m tired of hearing that,” you huffed.

“None of that is on you. It’s the truth.”

“It’s not. I knew the situation was going bad. Cathy tried to make me believe it was not. Somebody else had to be transferred to take my place instead. I insisted but I had to be taken out. That’s when we lost connection to her.”

“How did you know it was going bad?”

“I could tell from her voice. I know her better than I know myself. I failed to get her help. I should have never listened to her.”

“But you couldn’t do that, could you? She clearly gave you wrong intel. You can’t send back-up until—”

“I could’ve made it seem like she requested back-up. That would’ve saved her, exterminated the mission, but saved her. I’d have faced the consequences of my actions sooner or later. If I did that and saved her, she’d be mad at me for years but who cares as long as she’s safe and sound?”

“I get it. I’d also have someone mad at me if it meant they’d be safe.”

“In the end, she died for nothing. The cult she was infiltrating dispersed after they killed her, all fled to different countries. It’s harder to track them down now. They’re everywhere.”

“You follow through with it? It would be impossible to track down each mission.”

“Why do you think I’m in the archives? I have access to mission reports. They don’t think it is bioweapon related, so sometimes they let me see them.”

Esmeralda was dancing along people’s whistles, captivating every man in the square.

“You said Cathy died for nothing but you actually don’t want that to be true.”

Fiddling with your fingers, you said, “Obviously.”

“You’re loyal,” he remarked. “I’m sure she would’ve loved to see her mission completed. Do you ever think of working as an analyst again?”

“Nope.”

From his expression you could tell he wanted an explanation, so you gave him one, “I don’t want to see people get hurt anymore. It’s a dangerous job, you know it. Why are you asking me?”

“No offense, but then why did you agree to marry me knowing I do the same job? If you’re scared of losing someone this much—it just doesn’t make sense to me.”

You sighed, having a hard time thinking where to even start. “You’re going to call me crazy.”

“I would never,” he said, half-jokingly.

“Okay, I really did think what Cathy would tell me to do. I always listened to her, the whole time we got to spend together. She told me what she wanted to do with her life, told me I looked depressed with what I was studying and maybe we should join an academy together. She was larger than life, lit up an entire room with her presence, never spoke ill of someone, liked to help people in any way she could. I’ve always been shy, so she went above and beyond to find me decent blind dates.”

“She sounds wonderful. She was also your matchmaker?”

“In a way, yes. Dragged me to parties with her so I could have some fun.” You gave Leon a smile, recalling Cathy and her antics in your mind, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Nothing sounds crazy so far,” he reassured you.

Finished with your pizza, you dusted off the crumbs into the box and lifted up your knees to sit cross-legged facing him. “I couldn’t keep someone interested in me for more than two dates.”

“I find that hard to believe,” he replied, his eyes traveling up and down.

“No, seriously. This one time, a guy left mid-date, told me he had a phone call, paid for the coffees and just left. I waited there for half an hour. It dawned on me when I couldn’t see his car outside. Didn’t call me after.”

Leon shrugged one shoulder. “His loss.”

You smacked his bicep playfully as a way of thanking him for his compliment. “I only went on these dates because Cathy thought it would be good for me. I had a few fights with my sister about Cathy and her influence on me. She thought I was like her puppet but I genuinely don’t think like that. I told you I knew Cathy like the back of my hand. It was the same for her. Never pushed me to do something I’d be uncomfortable with. Well, I’d feel awkward at times but it would be momentary, I’d learn so much in the long run.”

“That’s a very healthy way of looking at things. I’m still waiting for the part where you think I’d call you crazy.”

“I trusted her judgment because I knew she only wanted the best for me. She’d definitely try to set me up with you if we weren’t so busy all the time,” you said, lips curling into a roguish smile.

His eyebrows shot up, being brazen about it. “Oh, you’re saying I’d have her approval?”

Especially when you keep raking your hands through your hair like that, you wished to say. “Yes, you would.”

“Thank you, that means so much.”

“You didn’t even know her.”

“Well, she means so much to you, I feel honored that you think that way.”

A haze of grief washing over your heart, lungs expanding, you started, “I also… never mind.”

A comforting hand fell on you shoulder, shaking you slightly. “Now you have to say it, don’t leave me hangin'.”

“Here’s the crazy part,” you swallowed dryly. “Whenever I thought of my future, it was always with Cathy. I didn’t even think of getting married. I thought we’d retire together when the time came, she and Allison—her girlfriend—would live next to me. And if they ever had the chance, they’d marry and maybe have kids. I’d look after them like they were my own, be the best aunt. Isn’t it crazy, dreaming of looking after someone else’s kids and not yours? Sometimes I’d lay my head down and imagine myself in a little community, living next door to Cathy and her family, growing my own vegetable garden—though I don’t know the first thing about gardening but I’d learn! I would also grow pretty flowers and give them out to anyone who decided to come over. Go to the bakery in the morning, greet everyone on the way and grab my breakfast fresh out the oven. I’d get so fat! Eating baked goods every day, sounds like heaven to me.”

“Indeed.” With a fond smile on his face, he took of his hand from your shoulder and fully turned to you, bending one leg up on the cushions. “I don’t think I met an Allison at the funeral, was she there?”

“She was,” you said, remembering the painful conversation you had with her. “She arrived really early and left before anyone from work came.”

“What happened?” he asked, noticing you ripping skin off your fingers just like you had been doing during that day.

“I tried to talk to her. She told me I was a liar and walked out—” Leon interrupted your chain of thoughts by taking your hand, preventing you from damaging your fingers further. “I couldn’t keep my promise to her. It’s awful. I told her before the mission that it was going to be okay, we’d done this with Cathy many times and I’d make sure to keep her in one piece.”

Your other hand had a death grip on your knee, nails digging and leaving indents to keep yourself grounded. “They tortured Cathy while she was captive. She died because she refused to give them any information.”

Leon seemed like he didn’t want you to continue, placed your hand in his as though he was reading your palm and started to fidget with your gold wedding band on your ring finger. “Tell me more about that dream of yours. I bet you wouldn’t even install normal ceiling lights in your house. It’d just be little lamps everywhere.”

Giggling, you said, “Yeah! I’d be that auntie that collects little trinkets and displays them all around her house. I’d learn how to knit and make so many ugly sweaters for God knows anyone.”

“So, no partner living with you? Just you with your trinkets?”

“There’s so many types of love and I just didn’t see myself in a romantic one. It just happened that I never pictured myself alone. That’s it.”

His hands slipped away after your raw confession, broad back straightening, appearing tensed up. Yet again, you couldn’t make out what his expression meant.

Esmeralda was now singing a hymn, Quasimodo staring at her in admiration from the shadows.

“I talked so much today, now’s your turn. I feel embarrassed that you know my abysmal attempts at finding love. How about you, Leon? You got any embarrassing stories that you can tell?”

His answer was quick and mischievous, “Yeah, this one time this lady just got up and left me at the bar. In the middle of an argument.”

You pursed your lips and bumped on his knee on the cushions, restraining a laugh you know he’d get satisfaction out of. “Don’t piss me off, that wasn’t even a date.”

“I had a girlfriend when I was twenty-one, she broke up with me before I started working as a cop.”

“That’s so long ago and not that embarrassing if I’m being honest,” you sniffed at him.

“I already told you about how I thought I’d marry her. I really believed my first ever relationship would live to see its future.”

Offering him a new perspective, you explained, “Well, technically it did, it just wasn’t a bright one.”

“Pshh,” he scoffed, turning to the TV, stretching before bending his arms behind his head. “Wait—you’re telling me I’m the only long-term guy you had?”

His late light-bulb moment pulled a chuckle out of you. “Turning it back to me again, okay. No, I did date a guy for nearly one year. And before you ask, he said I worked too much and wasn’t fun.”

Leon’s face scrunching as if he just ate something sour, he blurted out, “Where do you find these types of guys? Did Cathy set you up with this asshole?”

“No, actually, I found him myself.”

“Is he the one who made you think you’re not fun to be around?”

You were left stumped, unable to think of any answer.

“What? If he is, I disagree with him.”

“You only say that because I go along with your corny jokes.”

“Yeah, that’s the only reason,” he chimed sarcastically.

Quasimodo was saving Esmeralda from the burning stake, the sign that the movie was about to end.

“Your dream,” he cleared his throat. “I could just picture it like a happy ending to a Disney movie. You know, they all have happy endings. Besides, I don’t think you’re insane for wanting a happy, peaceful life.”

“What’s insane about it is that I even imagined myself dying before Cathy. Getting buried before I got to bury her. I’ve never thought I’d live the day she wouldn’t, yet here I am… I wrote an entire script for the rest of my life in my mind, that’s why I spiraled down and down and down when it was not possible to play it out anymore. So, I stopped. It wasn’t healthy for me to continue obsessing over my ruined happy ending. I decided to live in the present. Write as I live on. Be more like Cathy, hopefully.”

There was little beer left in his can but he raised it anyway. “In the loving memory of Cathy Donovan, then.”

“I don’t have any drink left,” you gasped, lifting your can. “Cathy, I’m so sorry, you deserve the fruitiest of Martinis.” If Cathy was there, she would’ve laughed like a hyena, found it hysterical that you managed to call her fruity given the context.

After the honorary toast, Leon leaned back and intertwined his hands on his stomach, eyes fixed on the TV screen where Phoebus and Esmeralda were passionately kissing.

“The novel’s ending was not family friendly, I guess,” you mocked.

“I haven’t read it.”

 “If you’re planning on reading it, my lips are sealed.”

“Don’t know if I have the time. I don’t mind, tell me.”

“It’s painfully sad. Esmeralda gets hanged, Quasimodo pushes Frollo from the cathedral tower in grief and rage. That’s the moment he realizes he’s lost everyone he’s ever loved. He also refuses to let go of Esmeralda, starves himself holding on to her dead body in her grave. Years later, an excavation group finds their intertwined skeletons and when they try to separate them, Quasimodo’s bones crumble to dust.”

“Now that’s vile.”

Toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart Baby, bang it up inside I'm not wearing my usual lipstick I thought maybe we would kiss tonight

Baby, though I've closed my eyes I know who you pretend I am I know who you pretend I am

—Washing Machine Heart, Mitski

“How would I know I’d end up here?” you ask him, voice shaking. “We didn’t promise each other anything, so I didn’t have any hope.”

You want nothing more than to ask him about the teddy bear keychain he has in desk drawer, why he holds onto it, ask whether you should be relieved that it no longer has a key attached to it.

There is that gut feeling, clawing at your churning stomach, that tells you he has someone. Someone else who knows him better than you, who is a better match to him, who makes him happier.

Someone he loves.

“But we had sex, it made me question everything and I’ve come to the conclusion that we were both lonely and weren’t thinking straight. You acted like it didn’t change anything, it almost made me go crazy. Please say something so I can finally understand, Leon,” you cry out.

“I don’t regret it,” he declares. “I don’t regret what we did. And I know how we started this marriage, I assumed it would always be the same after you told me your feelings.”  

“I admit I’m hard to be with.” Your head hangs to the side, brows furrowed. “It’s hard for me to trust someone as much as I trusted Cathy. I’m sorry it took two years for us to be candid with each other. I used to be laidback about who I slept around with before. Now, I don’t know, I think twice about how I should touch you, talk to you. I used to think romantic love was not for me, so I wasn’t worried when you proposed because you didn’t expect it. I thought it wasn’t for people like us.”

“But you are capable of love,” he emphasized. “I know you are. You’re so good to me all the time. You stay up all night worrying when I’m not home, cook food for me despite your hatred for it, remember the smallest things and help me out, talk to me when I can’t sleep. I can’t even repay you for any of it and you still continue to be good to me. See, you’re speaking in a way that’s making me think there’s a chance that you love me and I still can’t say it back.”

Your silent tears unsettle him, this is the first time you let him see you cry. He has heard it before, the soft sobs and small chokes at night when you didn’t know he was awake.

You sniffle, “I know you’re capable of it, too, Leon. If the reason you can’t say it back to me is what I think it is, you definitely are.”

You quickly wipe your tears with the back of your hand when he asks, “What do you mean?”

“There is someone, right? You love them.”

His silence speaks volumes and it becomes your acceptance.

“Don’t let this thing between us hamper it, okay? I’m fine with it. To be honest, I didn’t expect you to keep up the faithful husband act.”

“Jesus,” he howls. “Just how terrible do you think I am? This thing between us is our fucking marriage. Not some situationship. Although I can’t make you think otherwise because you refuse to. I’m only gonna say this once, okay? I respect you enough to not sleep around behind your back.”

“Thank you, Leon, but I’m saying it doesn’t matter. None of it matters.” You take both of his hands, wanting to remember the feel of him. “You love someone else and it’s okay. You’re better off with them. Hopefully they’re better at love than I am.”

You take off your ring and place it in your palm, caressing it. “I know I probably shouldn’t be asking for this but I got so used to the weight of it on my finger. Can I have it as a keepsake?”

He grips your wrist tightly, grimacing. “What are you doing?”

“This is me letting you go.”

“No.” He shakes his head, voice thick. The way he places the ring on your finger again is a wretched overcompensation for not doing it before. You two didn’t have rings at the wedding and you were the one to place it on your own finger after purchasing them. “You’re running away,” he speaks in a hoarse croak. “Where will you go this time, hm?”

“I’ll resign and move close to my sister.”

His palms are cupping your jaw, fingertips in your hair. Him closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against yours is a way of saying I can love you if you give me time, I know I can.

“Stay,” he whispers, narrowing your whole world down to his warmth and you shudder from it. “Just tell me what you need.”

I need you to love me more, love enough to fill me up till there’s no crack left for me to write happy ever afters that will never come true. I need you to fill me full up, love enough to drown it out. Drown me out.

“Kiss me.”

“That I can do, honey.”

You know perfectly well that you’re selfish for wanting him like this. However, you yearn for the still of his hands on you, the irresistible feel of his skin on yours.

A kiss is placed on your temple, another one on your damp cheekbone, another on your jaw. Your eyes are closed the whole time he moves slow with his kisses. He grazes his nose beneath your ear, bringing you close to the brink of tears again. His hot breath is licking the other side of your face after, pecking the corner of your mouth.

“Scoot,” he says before gripping your waist and tipping you towards his torso. “My back is killing me like this.”

You’re afraid of hurting him with your weight but he insists, pulling you and placing you on his lap, getting you to straddle him, your thighs encasing his on either side. Your face a few inches above his, he tips his head back and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. You can see a gash on his shoulder that disappears down his back which you didn’t notice before and you become aware once again that this isn’t the right moment to ask him for this.

“Leon—”

He can tell you’re about to get off him and he shuts you up by pulling you in a crushing kiss, pressing your chest to his with arms around your back so you won’t get away. “Stay here, don’t run away from me,” he says between labored breaths. His fingertips dance on your sides, making the hair on the back of your neck stand. He can probably feel your heart thumping crazy against his chest.

You caress the indent on his chin with your pointer finger, leaning down to kiss it. Leon lets out a delicious sigh, hands feeling up the sides of your thighs.

“Why did you kiss me at the wedding? There was no one to see,” you finally ask.

He lifts an eyebrow, eyes flicking to the side trying to remember it. “The officiant was there. And the photographer.”

You nod and his lips are on yours again, tender this time. He opts to place quick kisses over and over again when he’s done being gentle. A chuckle escapes you when his nose bumps yours.

Fingers drifting under your shirt, he scratches your back up and down with his blunt nails. Any inch of skin he comes across, he kisses. Earlobe, jaw, neck, shoulder peeking through shirt. One hand splaying his fingers on your back, middle finger in line with your spine, right between your shoulder blades, the other one comes up front, lifting the front hem of your shirt. “Take this off.”

He doesn’t move the hand on your back when you’re taking it off, eyes dropping down to meet the new exposed skin. But you feel too naked, even though he’s wearing the same amount of clothes as you. You hug him around his neck, careful not to hurt him, bare chests pressed together.

He clasps the tops of your arms, biting the inside of one bicep.

“Ouch.” You retreat. “Why did you do that?”

“Let me see you.” He tips you backwards after his hand comes up to your nape, your butt slides on his lap, making you sit right on his crotch. He lets out a content hum, not embarrassed of his half hard erection. You cling to his biceps although his hand on the back of your neck is securing you in place.

A kiss is planted to the base of your throat and then to each collarbone. The hand on the front cups the underside of your breast, goosebumps rising on your skin. A wet kiss on the valley of your breasts, his breath cooling it. A low moan from you when he takes a stiff nipple in his hot mouth, finally giving it some attention. He twirls his tongue around it, teasing, before licking it right.

Your hips move involuntarily, rubbing against him through clothes all the while he sucks, kisses, grazes teeth. A jolt of electricity travels down to your core when he switches sides, underwear clinging to your sticky folds. You keen into him, pushing your chest out when he begins to suck a bruise under your breast. Your fingers dig into his scalp, tugging on his damp strands.

You discern his knitted brows and inclined back before tapping his shoulder. “Leon, stop.”

He halts the moment he hears you. The sight of a string of spit connecting his lips to your chest is obscene. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re hurting. You should lay down,” you say while standing up.

His eyes never leaving you, he gets off the bed as well. He seizes you under your arms, picking you up with ease. “See, honey? I’m fine. You don’t need to worry.” He doesn’t let you protest and nips at your bottom lip before sloppily kissing you, tongue claiming every crevice of your mouth.

“No, put me down!” you wail, kicking your feet in the air.

“Okay, okay,” he grins, setting you down on the floor. Your heated cheeks amusing him, he takes your hand and places it on the waistband of his sweatpants. “This is the only thing you need to worry about.”

You decide to be daring and slide your hand down, palming him through layers of clothing. “Fuck,” he huffs, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against yours, big hands pawing at your backside, fondling your ass. Your hand slips past his briefs, touching him without any barriers.

“Oh, just like that,” he encourages you when you pick up a pace. His abs tightening, it doesn’t take long for him to fully get hard. “Ah, wait—”

“Hm?” You look up at him, just holding him in your palm.

“Need to get a condom, be right back.” He squeezes your ass one last time. “You better take everything off,” he teases before stepping away to get to the bathroom.

Second thoughts come rushing to your mind the time he’s undressing and grabbing a condom in the bathroom. Maybe, you shouldn’t do this. It’s only going to make it harder for the both of you. You admitted loving him and he wasn’t able to say it back. But he told you to stay, he needs you, wants what you’re able to give him. And you desperately need to give him all you have, mind and body, even if it means for a short time.

Because you know you will never be able to love like this again.

Your thoughts are interrupted when a packet of condom is thrown on the bed in front of you, hands gathering your hair on one shoulder to return messy kisses to your neck from the back.

Your back meets his pecs, his erection snug between your bare ass cheeks, you sigh softly when his fingers find their way to your clit, making your spine tingle. You hold on to his forearm, clawing at his veins as he gathers your wetness from your entrance, back to circling your bundle of nerves with now soaked fingers. His bandaged hand urges you to spread your legs more before finding place on your throat. He ruts his hips against your ass, breathing loudly while you whine out incoherent sounds.

He groans your name, drawing your attention up to his scrunched face. “You’re so good to me.”

“Leon,” you whimper as he drags two fingers all the way along your slit, pumping them inside. The way you stretch around his fingers distracts him from the rhythm of his hips, making him still. But you crave the friction, arch back your own hips to get him to move again. Your hand winds around and finds his aching hard dick, thumb stroking the precum all over his angry red tip. Your head rolls back over his shoulder and you want nothing more than to properly see.

“Leon, I’m close,” you moan and push his hand away. “I want to see you.”

“Anything you want, honey,” he pants in your ear, tip of his tongue tracing the shell of it.

You crawl to the middle of the bed, endowing him the sight of your glistening slit before laying down on your back, waiting for him to get on top of you. He parts your legs, taking a good look before smearing his tip on your folds, a mix of your wetness and his precum making it extra slippery.

“Please,” you manage to make out, one arm across your chest, another resting on his shoulder.

He rips your arm from your chest and pulls both your wrists above your head. “I said let me see you.”  

He doesn’t let you fuss, fucking up his cock against your clit, allowing himself the bare feel of you for a little while.

He kisses your pout away before retreating to roll the condom on. You hiss as his tip breaches your entrance, legs trying to close on instinct, but he’s laying between them. He gets you used to the feel of him inside before you nod for him to move, slowly at first. Once your back arches and your hips shift, he gets the message to piston his hips faster.

He searches for the right pace just by examining you, what your face does when he tries something new, how your back arches, by the sounds you make. Not too fast, not too slow, he eventually finds an angle you particularly like.

“Too good for me,” he chants whilst thrusting, intertwining his fingers with yours above your head. You notice the absence of his ring but you don’t worry about it because you know he leaves it on his desk when he’s away for a mission, not wanting to lose it.

Your legs hug him around his waist, heels pressing him into you deeper. “Yes, yes, yes…” You keep singing his name when you feel it building up inside.

“Fuck, I’m not gonna last long,” he grunts, listening to the slaps of skin and your frantic cries of pleasure.

“Good ‘cause I’m so close.”

He takes that as a challenge, making sure you reach your high before him. He watches as you do, walls clenching down on his length, lips chasing his.

He’s cooing in your ear between your gasps, coaxing your bliss out of you. “I know, honey, I gotcha. You can let go.”

Your mouth opening in a silent moan as your orgasm ripples through you, hands trembling in his hold, legs trying to shut, your entire body quivering as you ride it out.

Irregular thrusts of his hips bouncing your breasts in front of him, he nestles his face between them, breathing in your scent. He noses the blossoming mark he left under there and moves slow, dragging it out as much as possible.

He sinks boneless on you, his weight feeling comforting rather than crushing. You embrace him as he softens out of you, leaving you feeling empty. He peels the condom off and lays on you for a while, head between your ribs, trying to catch his breath. You wipe away sweat from his temple, frowning.

“You’ll have to hop in the shower again.”

“Give me a few minutes,” he says, voice muffled and nasal. “And you’re coming with me, too.”

“Leon!” you shriek, playfully slapping his twitching bicep. “You shouldn’t tire yourself more.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter. I was gonna ask you to wash my back.”

After a few minutes, you drag him in the shower, helping him soap his back. He stands under the hot rain when you’re cleaning yourself with his body wash, eyes and hands wandering, groping here and there. You smack his naughty hands each time, can’t help but giggle. However, he’s tired and sleepy, so he’s only playing.

You offer to change his sheets but he insists on doing it in the morning and tugs your arm to your room, preferring to sleep in your clean sheets. He nearly falls asleep as you blow-dry your hair, waiting for you in the bed.

As soon as you’re snuggled up to him, he tucks you to his chest, chin on your forehead. Soft sighs tickle the crown of your hair.

“Can I ask you a question?” he murmurs, barely audible.

Your pointer finger stops drawing circles on his pectoral muscle. “Mhm?”

“After your mom and Cathy passed away, how did you survive? There has to be a reason.”

“I actually planned to end it all after both funerals. I told myself to just get past that week. It’ll all be over in a week. But there’s my sister. She came with me to help with Cathy’s funeral. Forced me to eat anything she could cook while I lived on autopilot. She was washing my hair in the sink when I realized I can’t leave her behind. It’s just not fair. She has a wonderful husband but a husband doesn’t mean forever— I mean, look at what my mother got. A deadbeat husband who left her with two little kids. My sister doesn’t have any kids. Worst case scenario, her husband leaves her and—”

He retracts abruptly to search your face, hand on your cheek to steer you to him. “So, you wrote a script again. With a sad ending.”

“My sister is my only family left. I don’t want her to live unhappily.”

“Hey, I’m your family, too. Why are you talking like I’m not here?” He presses a long, soothing kiss to your lips. His fingers tip your chin up. “Look at me. What do you have in that mind of yours? What kind of script do you have for us?”

You lie. “I don’t have one.”

He smiles. “Good. Because we’ll write one as we go on.”

(a/n: a very short part 2 will be posted here in a few days, keep an eye out for that. ty for reading!) >> read PART II.

[dootdootwriting]

♡ SLEEPING with the genshin men ♡

featuring: albedo; ayato; childe; cyno; diluc; gorou; itto; kaeya; kazuha; thoma; tighnari; venti; xiao; zhongli tw: i say shit once, like a tiny bit suggestive in a couple of them if you squint type: pure fluff; established relationship; sfw pronouns used: none a/n: this idea has been rotting my brain since i thought of it before going to bed a few nights ago and now that i have time to burn i'm FINALLY writing it ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

under the cut for length ♡ it is long ♡

ALBEDO

horrible sleep schedule. is always telling you he'll be "just five more minutes" but you know he won't

he feels bad about it. some of his experiments are time sensitive! you remind him he could have started them tomorrow morning instead of eleven at night

once he does join you in bed, he can be a bit shy. you'll have to actively invite him to lay closer to you

once you do that, he feels totally comfortable!

albedo likes to be close to you, enjoying your body heat as much as he can.

sleeping with him is comfortable. he doesn't exude any heat, but he isn't cold, either - so no matter the weather, he's a good nap buddy

his favorite place to sleep is up on his lab in dragonspine, next to you, in a bed covered in furs and blankets so both of you can be completely tucked in. it's like a cocoon of comfort!

++

DILUC

cannot sleep without you next to him!!

he also often stays up late, but is easily convinced to come to bed. his work can often wait until morning and you are really in need of your favorite pillow

he sighs softly, gives you a quiet smile, and blows out his candle before pulling the covers back and sliding in next to you

diluc likes to hold you while you sleep. it makes him feel safe with you in his arms, held securely against his chest

usually you sleep facing each other with your nose a bit squished between his pecs, but i mean... are you complaining?

diluc is a heavy sleeper and doesn't wake up until either you get up or his natural rhythm wakes him up, usually midmorning.

he is not a morning person. it's going to take many kisses and some coffee to convince him to wake up all the way.

++

KAEYA

has a seven step skincare routine that he does WITH you before bed

it's a really sweet and intimate way to get in the sleepy time mood!

he's not one to take care of himself, but he does care about his appearance. so you two have this now.

kaeya likes to spoon you!

he has one draped lazily over your waist, the other curled up next to his head

he's a light sleeper! he shifts around a lot during the night, but whenever he does, he subconsciously will reach out for you

therefore, if you wake up in the middle of the night, it's a coin toss as to what position the two of you will be in. however, nine times out of ten, some part of him will be touching some part of you

sleepy kaeya brain says make sure you're with him and safe!

he wakes up early to report to the knights of favonius, though it's certainly not below him to indulge a few times a year week sleeping in next to you

i mean, how could he resist?

++

VENTI

little shit (affectionate)

this guy will not sleep until you DRAG him into bed and then he's whining the whole way. why would you go to bed when you could stay up singing and having fun!! what about board games!

and then the minute you finally get him to lay down next to you he's down for the count

venti is also a VERY affectionate guy. so while he sleeps he will cling onto you like a koala

he might drool on you just a little bit

he's a really heavy sleeper but he's also a bit of a kicker

he's fallen out of the bed while still gripping your arm in his sleep on multiple occasions.

sometimes, on rare nights, you'll wake up in the middle of the night to hear him softly humming something, still completely asleep.

CHILDE

as a fatui harbinger, he's out a lot

this means that he really does treasure the time he spends with you, especially at night

he's clingy.

childe will take any opportunity he can for skinship

probably sleeps in his underwear (⌒_⌒;)

he will spoon you, he will hold you against him, he will lay you on his chest

he needs to be touching you at all times. unfortunately, he can sometimes sweat.

he trained himself to be a light sleeper. nothing can sneak up on him, even while he's asleep. he's the perfect protection for his beloved partner!

he doesn't want to get up in the morning. you have to poke him and sometimes drag him o.ut of bed by his ankles.

he whines about it but he loves you. and soon enough he's dressed and on his way to work with a quick kiss goodbye.

++

XIAO

"adepti don't need sleep."

ok, well, it's more awkward when he's standing over your bed just watching you sleep

you have to beg him to either go somewhere else or join you

he doesn't want to leave you to sleep by yourself, unprotected... so he reluctantly agrees to lay down next to you

hm. actually, this is kind of nice.

xiao realizes that actually he is a little bit tired. a lot tired.

he awkwardly opens his arms for you to crawl into, and then once he hears your breathing slow down, he allows himself to close his eyes.

xiao sleeps like a log, for the first time in hundreds of years.

this becomes habit. when he isn't spending the night off hunting monsters, he joins you in bed and allows himself a few hours of rest.

++

ZHONGLI

nighttime is when zhongli allows himself to let go

he trusts you with everything, and therefore, as the two of you are getting ready for bed, while he's washing up, he lets his more draconic features show.

his tail appears, his arms take on a darker shade, bright golden veins just visible, and horns make their way to the top of his head

even his teeth shift, becoming just barely noticeably sharper and larger.

it's in these moments when you remember your lover is an ancient being and quite literally a god

zhongli's demeanor doesn't change, though. he's still a gentleman.

he situates himself in bed first, makes himself comfortable, picks up a book, and invites you to lay with him.

he'll stay up for a bit reading by candlelight with you next to him, until he finally gets tired, snuffs out the candle, places a soft kiss to your temple, and lays down next to you

he's another one that likes to hold you while you sleep.

SLEEPS LIKE A ROCK (literally). you swear sometimes it's like his body temporarily turns to stone.

zhongli's body sleeps on a schedule, so he wakes up at the same time every morning to prepare for work.

if you're still in bed by the time he has to leave, he'll leave a letter on his pillow and a kiss on your head before he goes.

AYATO

the evening is his favorite time of day

(the time when it finally comes to an end)

as the yashiro commissioner, he's busy most of the day, and doesn't often have time to spend with you. while he's around, he can't devote much of his attention to you, which he sincerely regrets.

so nights with him are when he shows you just how much he loves you.

he makes sure you're comfortable and helps you get ready for bed, a routine which includes many many kisses and a few apologies for being busy all the time (you understand, and he knows this, but he likes to make sure you know he still loves you)

ayato likes to hold hands while you sleep. there's something so intimate about it that he's such a sucker for.

he doesn't sleep really lightly or heavily, just sort of in the middle. he wakes up to shift his position a few times a night but that's it.

he's also a sucker for being close to you. you'll wake up learning that at some point in the night, ayato has pulled you much closer to him than you were when you originally went to bed.

he has to wake up early, but he hates it. he leaves a quick kiss on your head before he gets up for work, and will check in with you throughout the day, too.

++

GOROU

loves sleeping with you but denies it

he NEEDS to be holding you while you sleep. ever since the incident with yae miko, he's trying to break the embarrassing habit of sleeping with his tail in his arms, and he figures you're the perfect replacement!

light sleeper and twitches in his sleep, a bit like dogs when they dream. it's adorable

subconsciously pulls you closer to him while he's asleep, too. having you near him is comforting.

he's incredibly warm! and his tail is SO fluffy. you might want to sleep on opposite sides of the bed during hot weather.

he hates this though, and you'll probably wake up in his arms. he'll deny moving you and say it must have been you who craved his hugs, not the other way around.

++

ITTO

BIG BAN BIG MAN

he's such an affectionate guy too. just be careful of the horns

his favorite position to sleep in is on his back with you on his chest. he WILL trap you with his arms

doesn't mean to trap you. but he's just so big and strong... it just kind of happens!

snores. it's annoying but endearing. he doesn't even know he's doing it

when he snores, the bridge of his nose will scrunch and it'll look a bit like he's snarling. sometimes his huge teeth come out

he's big, so he also exudes a lot of heat. however, unlike gorou, he won't even let you sleep on the other side of the bed

he Will hold you. there is no escape. he sleeps really soundly and pretty much doesn't move an inch all night.

itto is not a morning person. you have to shake him awake and then he whines about it.

++

KAZUHA

A SWEETHEART

he helps you get ready for bed and then tucks you in and everything <33

actually kazuha really likes to sing you to sleep or recite a poem for you before bed!

won't overtly cuddle you unless you ask for it, but is never opposed to it!

he's just not really sure how to handle it sometimes, so he just kind of keeps to himself unless either of you are feeling particularly affectionate

as time passes, he becomes more confident, and needs more and more cuddles.

kazuha is a light sleeper, but is quiet and careful enough never to wake you up when he does in the middle of the night.

he likes to wake up at the same time as you, so if he wakes up first, he waits for you before starting his day.

++

THOMA

warm warm warm warm

when it's cold out, he's the perfect bedtime buddy. when it's warm, you two sleep on opposite sides of the bed with pinkies intertwined in the middle

like kaeya, he likes to wash up thoroughly before bed. sometimes he even does his hair so it'll look nicer when he wakes up

on nights when it's warm, somehow, in the middle of the night, despite starting on opposite ends of the bed from one another, you'll find that you gravitated towards each other and met in the middle.

he laughs and apologizes and offers to sleep somewhere else. you refuse and hug him even closer

thoma really loves physical affection while sleeping

his favorite is sleeping facing each other, and sometimes you two find yourselves staying up until the early hours of the morning talking until he realizes it's one am and he has work tomorrow.

always leaves you a kiss and a note before he leaves to tend to the kamisatos. and of course you're always welcome to visit!

CYNO

very awkward about sleeping with you

he's just nervous! you have to reassure him you're comfortable around him and would, in fact, prefer he sleep next to you comfortably than on the floor.

it takes him a while to warm up to the idea, and starts off very stiff, but over time, he learns that in fact, he sleeps much better when you're there with him.

cyno sleeps deeply, and doesn't shift much throughout the night. you could probably use him as a pillow if you wanted, he wouldn't object.

he likes when you sleep on his chest the most. the pressure of you being on him is very comforting and he likes having his arms around you.

he calls himself your "general mahamattress," and proceeds to overexplain even though the joke is rather clear. he's very sweet about it.

++

TIGHNARI

sleeping near a loved one is good for your brain!!! there's science to back it up!! probably!!

snuggles you like a koala when you sleep together. there's no escaping tighnari's grip of death.

before he discovered sleeping next to you, it was pretty difficult for him to get to sleep on time.

therefore, in case it's a rough night, he has a bunch of herb remedies for insomnia that are tried and true, his own recipes

he's found that a dab of sweet smelling flower dew on your forehead helps with sweet dreams, and while you're sleeping with him, you rarely have nightmares.

tighnari and his bushy tail are here with you to chase away the monsters!!

he's a forest ranger and a fox. and he gets up when he WANTS. do not try to drag him out of bed you will be (gently) bitten.

also twitches in his sleep. creacher. you know how it is with animals.

basically a gigantic cuddle bug, and pretty much willing to admit it.

[bountycancelled]

decisions

luke castellan x child of hecate!reader

requested: yep! I hope you like it anon

warnings: allusions about death, but no character dies.

content: yall, it's 1 am rn, and I just wanna go to sleep. it's unedited and nothing bad happens I promise. I'll do a proper content thingy in the morning. pls enjoy while I pass out.

"you know those kids are probably gonna have nightmares for at least a week, right?"

you didn't need to turn to know who was behind you as you leaned against a tree trunk, toying with a twig in your hands. Luke castellan seemed to have an affinity for interrupting you anytime you found solace in being alone. you didnt know how he just... knew, when and where to find you during times like these, but he always did. you found yourself minding his presence less and less as time when on.

"they should consider themselves lucky, I was debating whether or not I should just summon a ghost for them tonight, but I figured they couldn't handle it, and this camp doesn't have any trauma counselling so." the leaves on the twig in your hand withered at an accelerated place in your hands, and a part of you felt bad. you usually kept your distance from anything living since you knew your touch had the possibility of having an adverse, and sometimes deadly affect, but tonight was just one of those nights.

Luke chuckled at your words, plucking one of the now wilted leaves from the twig in your grasp as he spoke up once more. "you know, I actually want you to help me with something, if you don't mind. I need help deciding whether or not I should do something."

you rolled your eyes, giving him a pointed look. "you know I can't make decisions for you. I don't have the ability to know what consequences you'll have to deal with."

"isn't hacate the goddess of crossroads?" Luke countered, a small smirk on his face. you knew that he was only pestering you because he thought it was funny that you always needed to explain your abilities and your godparent to people, but you couldn't just keep silent at his bait nonetheless.

"that doesn't make me some kind of fortune teller, I can't decide for you which direction to go to when you reach a fork on the path. I just have a vague understanding over what you're currently debating if you should do."

"okay okay, no fortune telling. but can you at least point me in the right direction? it doesn't matter how vague." he asked, and you tilted your head to stare up at the starry sky, because you knew that even in the dark, Luke could convince you to help him with nothing but a pleading glint in his deep eyes.

he didn't relent at tour silence or your avoidance of his gaze, uttering a small "please?" which finally broke your resolve.

you took a deep breath, finally looking at him once again, your face deep in concentration. "not a guide either. but I get the sense that... if you don't do what you're thinking of doing, you'll regret it." you felt a bit lightheaded afterwards, but the tree you were leaning against was enough security for you.

Luke on the other hand didnt seem to think so, showcased by how his hands immediately went to your shoulders in an effort to keep you up, while also unintentionally coming closer. a bit too close for comfort, but you were too foggy for the lack of distance to hit you yet.

he nodded at your advice, biting his lip before speaking once again, not missing the way your eyes flicked towards his lips and then back to his eyes, almost instantaneously.

"then I'll just go ahead and say it, I like you. a lot." he had expected a few different reactions, you immediately jumping into his arms and accepting his confession (his personal favourite hypothesis), you shyly stating that you felt the same way, you being shocked that he had feelings for you at all (he liked to believe that he wasn't entirely obvious) but he didn't expect what you did next.

instead, you blew air from your nose, giving him a look he couldn't quite place. "you have horrible taste. and you're also delusional. we've had maybe 4 conversations the entire we've known each other, and you like me?" you rolled your eyes, shaking your head at the words you were about to utter. "but I guess that makes me delusional too, because I feel the same way."

he pouted at your words, feigning hurt with a hand placed on his chest. "you wound me. if I had known you were gonna be this mean... I would've confessed sooner." he added with a slight smirk, trailing his other hand from your shoulder down to your waist, leaning his face towards yours.

you were quick to shut down his advance, maneuvering your way out of his hold. "one thing you're gonna need to get used to, castellan. no touching. at all. at least, not until I'm sure I can control my ability. you have a goodnight though." you called out as you walked away from a now needy Luke, leaving him leaning against the tree.

he quickly followed after you, trying to plead his case. "no touching? that's insane, how could I not touch you? I'm not afraid of death, especially if it comes from my hands on your body, or vice versa. I'll happily forfeit my life for a kiss. come on, I'm fine with just a peck. actually, no. I take that back. if I'm gonna die, we need to make out before I go."

you simply shook your head, reiterating your rule, unable to stop a grin from forming on your face. you stopped abruptly, turning to face him with a serious look in your eyes. "... okay. but just a peck. im serious."

it was not just a peck. but luckily, Luke made it out alive. (though, he seriously wouldn't have minded if he didn't.)

[kamisama1kiss]

IM SHAKINH PLEADE WTOYE GOR SALLY FACR

YESSS 🫡🫡 I love writing for Sally Face, so this was something I had very fun writing around with🫶🤭

~~~

What would be their type of love language? {Sally Face Headcanons}

~ Sal Fisher ~

Physical touch

- He melts into your touch like a cat laying in the sun.

- He was very awkward with the first touch of anything hugs, kisses, hand holding, cuddles, and so on and so forth.

- Only growing more and more comfort in your overall aura.

- Holding hands or minimum pinky while walking and in public, feeling some sort of safety when having you close and being able to easily reach out if anything.

- This also happens with his lack of physical touch of growing up after his mother's passing.

- When your cuddles give him a sense of stability, even more so when waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. (sadly often so)

- The very first time your hands gently cupped his unmasked face, tears streamed down his face, warmth of someone's touch felt healing after such a long time.

Acts of service

- Loved to do even the simplest of tasks for you

- Would help with folding laundry, wash the dishes, making your bed

- Every task turned into a duo project with him around. He refused to let you do chores or anything in the matter of fact alone.

- You're doing the dishes, he finds out and boom he is next to you drying the dishes

- Even bringing you small little snacks or drinks as he noticed your lack of intake for the day

- Legit, if anything can make your day even just a little easier, he simply just does it.

~ Larry Johnson ~

Quality time

- You want to spend alone time in your room? Think again it's alone time WITH Larry in your room

- Even if there was no speaking or interaction as he could be painting and you doing who knows what

- Knowing you we're there, knowing he isn't alone only made him fall more in love with you. (If that's even possible?)

- Larry has to go to the store for his mother? He will drag you along with him.

- Jumps at any chance to have you by his side, even for a mere moment.

- Of course, if you genuinely need space, he respects it and comes back when you feel better. Just know he'll be a tiny bit clingy for the next hours or so depending on how long the time separated was.

Words of affirmation

- This man has a way with words like no other. It's almost as if he has been practising for this very moment

- Coming up behind you with no warning, giving you a compliment

- Daily reminds you how proud he is of you for doing your absolutely best, knowing there are hard times for everyone at many moments of their life

- When in more of a public places he can come up with a few smaller comments such as "You've truly been helpful all day." Or "Thank you for being here with me" and words such alike these.

- Now, when we talk more of private settings, he'll get more personal and sentimental. "You make every moment we spend feel like a breath of fresh air." Or "I am truly the luckiest boyfriend, with someone like you on my side"

~~~

I've reached over 1000 likes all together with all my posts! I am so very happy and grateful for anyone who has interacted with any of my content 😚🫶

[luveline]

hurt/comfort for hotch

maybe he’s been having a hard couple of days at work and says something rude to reader, that he doesn’t mean, he’s just frustrated. then they talk it outttt<3

ty for requesting ♡ fem!reader, 1k

"Did you get wholemeal bread for Jack's lunch?" Aaron asks.

You wince where you're sitting at the table, closing the book you're reading over your fingers. "No. I knew I forgot something, I just couldn't remember what," you lament. You'll have to get some before the grocery store closes at nine. 

You check your watch, a little silver thing that cost too much of Aaron's money, and you're so focused on telling time you almost miss his biting remark. 

"It's fine," he says bitterly. "I'll get it in the morning. I shouldn't have asked you." 

Your first instinct is to react in a similar fashion. "Ah, but you ask so little of me." 

He flinches at your tone. You hate to see it, and regret what you've said immediately, but it's not as if he were being particularly kind himself. A weird, stringy silence pulls between you, a tightrope waiting to buckle. The first to walk will be the first to fall; with the mood he's in, he'll bite. Tonight, you're miffed enough to bite back. 

Pissed, you stand up, grabbing your coat where it's draped across the table. 

Aaron holds out a hand. "Wait a second." 

"I don't want a fight," you say honestly. "It doesn't matter. I'll go get bread and we can forget about it." 

"I don't want to forget about it. I'm not being fair." 

You let your arms hang, coat in a ball against your thighs. "Aaron…" 

"It wasn't fair. Sorry." 

It obviously wasn't fair. Everyone forgets things no matter how hard they try, but you recognise that Aaron just got back from a week away. He's stressed, exhausted, and things need to feel normal for him. He asked you for something and you let him down. 

"It's a loaf of bread, Aaron," you murmur, defeated. "I didn't mean to forget." 

"I know." He rubs his brows, melting the last of your defences as he hangs his head. 

To love someone, you have to give in. There are times where you feel hurt and you have to forgive him before you're strictly ready to do so, because he's his own worst enemy in times like this. Though it's harder now, because you're not used to his derision. Disapproval, silent annoyance, sure. 

You put your coat down. 

"Since when are you sarcastic?" you ask gently, stepping into his space. You tilt your head a touch to the side, braceleting the crook of his elbow in a loving hand.

His eyes crease at the corners, short wrinkles stark, shadows beneath them. "I haven't been sleeping well, away from you both," he says. 

You trace the surface of his rough cheek with your eyes before bringing a tentative hand to it, thumb catching against stubble as you smooth it toward his ear. He doesn't smell like anything he usually carries, no aftershave or cologne nor laundry detergent, and the shirt he wears isn't sharply collared. It's safe to say he hadn't planned to be away that long, and even though he's home, he's not home yet in his head. You don't know how else to prove it, stroking his face, cheek in your palm, your other hand climbing his arm to rest over the hill of his pec. His heart capers under your touch. 

"I didn't mean it," he says. 

"I know," you say. Aaron often makes you feel small in the best way, his height, his naturally protective instincts, he stands by your side and you trust him to take care of you. You don't have to look out for yourself when he's in arm's reach. You aren't tall, aren't half as imposing, but you can try to offer him the same comfort. 

"You just need to relax. I get that it's not as easy to leave your work at the door as you want, but you… it's hard for me too. I need your help," you say. 

He closes his eyes. 

"Sorry," you say softly. "For forgetting. And for being sore about it. You don't put too much on me." 

"No, I do. You're right, I ask for a lot." 

"I have a lot to give, Hotchner," you murmur. 

He nods and you really do forgive him, then. You know he's only tired. You don't have to take it personally. 

"Would you hug me?" you ask.

Take care of him by letting him take care of you; he's visibly and heartbreakingly relieved to be asked, wrapping his arms around you. You love the way he hugs no matter how he's feeling, like you're something that needs a gentle hand. 

"Don't hug me too long, Paula's closes in twenty minutes." 

His fingers spread over the small of your back. "It doesn't even matter. Jack asked me for wholemeal bread and turkey and I wanted to get something right for once." 

"With mustard?" you ask. 

"He's a weird kid sometimes," Aaron says. He gets a bit of pep back, giving you a sway from one side to the other. "I'll get the bread in the morning, and I won't act like an ungrateful idiot when I do." 

"I don't think ungrateful is the right word." 

"But idiot's fine?" Aaron asks, his laugh warming your cheek. He kisses it twice in succession, hands roving up, and up, before lifting his head to tuck you neatly beneath his chin. "It's right." 

"What do you want me to say?" you ask coyly. 

"Alright," he says with a laugh, his chuckle vibrating in your arms where you've curled them behind his neck. 

"You're not an idiot–" 

"No, because now I know you don't mean it," he says. Finally, some light in his tone, that playful drawl that demarcates Hotchner-style flirtation. 

"You're not!" you say, leaning back enough to kiss the dip under his jaw. "You're just moody," you mumble into his skin. 

"And you're too good to me." 

"No, I'm not," you say. "You're better than you think." 

He pats your back gently. "You're biassed, honey."

You're super biassed. "Nope. Totally impartial." 

[stardustlixie]

Okay hear me out...

Ot8 cuddling with the reader for the first time they have their head on his chest and his heart starts going crazy cause he's so nervous and he gets all shy and embarrassed ears getting all red 🤭🤭

Ugh I go crazyyy for shy skz

Okay that's all for now :))

~cookiecreates🍪

omg okay. super fluffy scenario. shy skz will actually decay my brain someday I adore them.

I'm gonna do this is a sort of hcs format so if that's not what you wanted, sorry!

chan

• shy baby. this man is a shy baby through and through.

• chan will always be someone to cherish his significant other and he will take everything seriously, every little milestone

• so early on in your relationship, you're at his place for the first time, you both hang out and watch a movie, he's no stranger to touch but you bet he's gonna be super surprised when your hands suddenly wrap around his frame and your head comes to rest on his chest

• the effect would be immediate, poor baby's heartbeat would quicken and all coherent thoughts will leave his brain

• you know how chan's blush starts from his ears before it can reach his face? yeah his ears will be suuuuper red. it's like he's frozen in time, you can see him gulping and you can't stop the laugh that escapes you.

• your giggles are what finally snaps him out of his daze "channie what's wrong?"

• "wha- oh. no. nothing." his arms wrap around your frame and their is a stupid dorky grin on his face the entire time. he does not pay even a second's attention to the movie, too busy memorizing how your cuddles feel to notice the screen. the boy is smitten.

lino

• you know he isn't a very expressive individual at first and it takes him time to open up, he's not the one to be super touchy either so you're very doubtful whether or not you should initiate anything.

• you see him getting jittery offstage after a concert, he must have been overwhelmed, you're new to this, to him, but he's your boyfriend nonetheless and the concern you're feeling isn't making this any easier.

• you drag him away from the staff and crowd and take him back to his hotel room before the rest of the boys, by the time you get him there you know for a fact that he's having a panic attack, he sinks into his bed and it doesn't matter if the most you've touched him is a few hugs to greet him, you wrap your arms around the boy's frame and pull him close.

• if it's two minutes or twenty you don't know, but you separate the moment you're sure he's calmed down, not wanting to make him uncomfortable

• "if you're fine i'll leave, sorry if i kinda over stepped your boundaries there."

• you're very surprised when he just opens up his arms, inviting you to lay down with him, and you smile at his nonverbal invitation before joining him.

• if the shy smile on his face didn't tell you better, then you'd think he's having another panic attack with the way his heartbeat is rising, you can feel it with your head on his chest. none of you says much, but words aren't really needed.

changbin

• one look at this man will tell any sane person that he is the best cuddle giver EVER, changbin is very affectionate, he is touchy. that's how he expresses his love

• but you're not really a very open person, it took him so long to actually get to the point of dating you so he's afraid he might do something wrong or make you uncomfortable if he rushed into his way of expressing adoration, so he mostly just settles for words of affirmation and don't get him wrong, he loves the small smiles and the words he gets in return, but he's craves physical affection nonetheless.

• but one evening he's sprawled out on the couch after a shower, and the power of a curly haired, bare faced binnie isn't unknown to anyone and boy is he surprised when he suddenly has his partner laying on him like he's a body pillow.

• changbin.exe has stopped working.

• his arms come up to hold you in place and you rest your face on his shoulder. "hey binnie", "hey baby" he chuckles, you can hear the surprise and the nervousness in his voice so you just dig your face into the croom of his neck and make yourself comfortable.

• felix has to hear him rant about this for weeks after.

hyunjin

• hyunjin isn't the type to date someone unless he's really invested, but he also isn't the type to do something in a rush. but the boy is very much touch starved.

• it's a painting date at your place, do the paintings you makes for each other go well? yes. but do you also end up smearing paint on each other for the sake of it? also yes. it's almost like a toddler playfight.

• you adore the boy, but he sucks at initiation, so it's you who initiates the kiss that turns into a make out session afterwards, that ends up with you straddling him, but instead of getting off when you separate, you just choose to lie down half on him and half on the bed.

• safe to say the boy is surprised, because it takes him a whole minute to process before his arms come up to hold you. his face is sooo red.

• "hey love. you're blushing a concerning amount." he just whines out a 'shut up' and makes himself comfortable, he never quite gets over the flustered state.

han

• hannie is not a man of patience, he is also not someone with a lot of time. that means you've been dating him for a month and you've been closer to fucking than you've been to spending actual quality time with him.

• which leads to this, you came here to find him working on his song, he gives you a quick greeting but you're not taking that, he's startled when he feels you taking his headphones off and giving him a pointed stare. "han jisung." "hey baby..."

• a minute later you have him beside you on his bed, a movie playing on the laptop he was previously working on. he whines about needing to finish the song but you just tell him to push you off if he dares. he doesn't.

• your head is on his shoulder and if you didn't know any better you'd think his anxiety was the reason his heart was beating so fast.

felix

• sweet sweet baby that he is, he's probably the one who initiated the affection, early on too. but considering your sort of closed off personality, poor baby was sooo hesitant when he did. you weren't very touchy, definitely not as much as him and he didn't want to ruin anything.

• so he was very careful with how he pulled you close to himself, face red the whole time. he was very close to losing himself in an abyss of overthinking when he heard you chuckle, "you're adorable."

• and when you wrapped your arms back around him was the moment you signed up for a lifetime of koala felix. good luck ever getting him off of you now.

seungmin

• he isn't very affectionate. we know. he expresses love with bickering and insults more than he does by normal means. so no surprise that personality trait is apparent when you're trying to solve a puzzle with him.

• "oh lord you're a fucking idiot!" he says when he finds you trying to make something funny out of a few of the thousand pieces of the puzzle. "you're dating said idiot though?" "you being my idiot does not negate the fact that you are an idiot" "whatever loverboy, admit you have a soft spot for me!" "nuh uh."

• maybe it's the way his curls fall over his eyes, or the way his glasses sit at the bridge of his nose, or the involuntary expression of concentration, but something prompts you to push him back on the couch and take a seat beside him, arms coming up around his waist to hold him in place.

• for the first time in his life, seungmin does not have something snarky to say, which surprises you enough to check up on him and find him blushing profusely as he stares at the floor, small smile playing on his lips. "you're real quiet now loverboy." "baby.."

• "huh, wasn't i a fucking idiot just now?" you giggle as you boop his nose, his hands coming up to wrap around your shoulders. "you're baby. for now."

innie

• you weren't even dating when it first happened, you were having a sleepover with the boys and you woke up shivering, in half sleepy wits you decided to snuggle into innie's side while he was asleep.

• he woke up before you, and was in awe when he found the home you'd made beside him, your face completely relaxed, quite comfy with your head on his chest apparently, half of your body was on top of him, so even if he wanted to, he couldn't move without waking you up.

• he just lay there smiling to himself until some of the boys woke up. you were later given photo proof of your sleepy actions by a very amused felix.

• and that's what prompted jeongin to confess.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Overwhelmed

Hardersson x Child!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: Today is a bad day

It's a bad day from the moment you wake up.

Your skin feels all prickly and itchy but no matter how much you scratch it won't go away. Loud noises like the dishes clattering against each other or even the low hum of Momma's music make you flinch and want to cover your ears. You don't like the feeling of your food in your mouth and you cry until Morsa lets you spit it out into her hand.

It's a horrible, rotten day and Morsa has to dig out your ear defenders because even the rumble of the car is causing you to freak out. You're teary and emotional as you sit in Momma's cubby before the game and you whine until someone cuts the label out of your shirt.

You end up between Jessie and Niamh for the game and not even two of your favourite people can make you happy.

Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth and your arms feel all weak. You can hear the crowd dimly over your ear defenders and you scrunch your eyes closed as if to block it out.

Everything feels too much and too little all at the same time. You want to take your shirt off but at the same time, you don't want to be cold. You want to curl up into Jessie's side and hide in her neck but you don't want to be touched at all.

The wind changing, the way it brushes against your face and blows through your hair, is the last straw.

Your sudden sobs catch Jessie and Niamh off guard.

To them it seems like you've just started crying out of nowhere, going boneless and limp and sobbing your little heart out with no warning.

"Hey, hey," Niamh says, reaching for you," What's going on?"

Her touch on your skin makes you sob all the more harder. You slide off the seat and crumble to the floor. The whole bench has turned to look back at you and all the overlapping voices coming through your ear defenders don't help.

Niamh goes to grab you again and you flinch away, crawling under your seat to safety and peace.

You don't come out for a long while. Every time you tire yourself out, something small happens that causes a wave of fresh tears to fall from your eyes.

It's made all the more worse when you eventually crawl out and look at the big screen and see Momma limping off the pitch with the help of the medics.

You suck in a big, deep breath and sob. "Momma!"

"It's okay, it's okay!" Niamh tries to say. By now, she knows not to try to touch you but she isn't really too sure how to help.

Some of the other girls try to distract you but you catch Momma wincing slightly when one of the physios touches her and you feel like your heart is going to fall out of your chest. Someone reaches out for you, an arm cutting across your vision, and you shriek and then sob when the sound grates against your ears.

Momma looks up at the sound.

"Momma!" You move to go towards her but Jessie grabs you before you faceplant down the stairs. You scream at being touched and Jessie does her best to get you safely down the stairs to Pernille before releasing you.

"Momma!"

Your head is pounding at all of the sensations around you and, as much as you would like to be held by Momma, you stay a few feet away from her and sob. You don't like the feeling of the tears on your cheeks but you don't want the feeling of your shirt on your face to dry them.

"Momma, hurt?"

Momma takes a deep breath. "Just a little," She promises," Are you okay, princesse?"

You shake your head miserably and allow her to remove your ear defenders when she takes you down the tunnel. It's quieter there and you feel a little better but not by much.

The sounds of cleats running down the tunnel make you shove your hands over your ears.

"What's wrong?" Morsa asks," You came off! Princesse's crying!"

"I tweaked a muscle," Momma reports," And I think Princesse needs a quiet place to calm down. She's feeling a little overwhelmed."

Morsa makes a sympathetic noise and ushers you both into one of the side offices. She disappears briefly and returns with your baby blanket.

You've crawled under one of the desks, just staring at her as Momma sits nearby and stretches out her leg. Morsa drapes the blanket over the opening of the desk and plunges you into darkness.

It's quiet and it's dark and you expel all of your air. It's no longer cold so you claw off your top and just sit there.

The blanket rustles and a hand appears in your space.

Morsa wiggles her finger at you. You grab them.

She doesn't speak. She doesn't do anything but let you hold her hand. You hold it nice and tight like it's your only lifeline. It feels nice and warm and safe just like how it is when you wake up in the Big Bed sometimes to Morsa drawing little patterns on your arm.

You suck in another breath and poke your head out of your hidey hole.

"Hello," Momma says softly from nearby," Are you feeling better?"

You don't let go of Morsa's hand. You nod.

"I think someone needs a nap," Morsa says," Can I wrap you in your blankie, princesse? Or should we put your top back on?"

"Bl-Blankie," You say. Your voice is a little hoarse from all of the crying and it feels all rough in your throat in a way that you don't like. Your blanket will help you feel better though. It's much softer than your shirt and it doesn't have any itchy tags on it either.

Morsa wraps you up all nice and warm in it and you allow Momma to hold your hand as you all head to the car.

The match isn't over yet but Momma's not allowed back on and Morsa's been subbed off so they take the time to bundle you up in the car. The radio stays off and your ear defenders get placed back on your ears just in case they're still sensitive like earlier.

You're out like a light before Morsa even pulls out of the car park.

[beomiracles]

Hai babes, answer my ask whenever you have motivation!!! Just wanted to know ur thoughts on txt x reader w nipple piercings. Had mine pierced some few months ago and was just wondering on ur take of the boys' reactions! If u don't feel comfortable or have anything to say on the matter pls disregard :)

「 NIPPLE PIERCINGS 」

DREAM RECALL in which your boyfriend discovers that you got your nipples pierced (how wonderful hehe)

pairings txt x afab!reader warnings kai's & soobin's is a little suggestive, hm not much else though :3

#serene adds ✎... I'm super big on piercings and I've been DYING to get my nips done since I was 14 but my mom never allowed it >.< but now that I'm 18 I'm seriously considering it heheheh ! I might extend on this and make something purely nsfw but I couldn't find any motivation for it today sorry >-<

not proofread !

𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐍 is super into it !

▪ out of everyone I feel like he's the one most likely to get it done himself, so he would definitely vibe with it.

▪ loves pinching and twisting the bar (when it's healed) to make you squirm.

▪ buys you extravagant jewellery !! might even be bold and buy something attachable like small chains..

"Fuck, when did you get these?" Your boyfriend wonders as he runs a finger around your freshly pierced nipples. With a small groan you tear your eyes open from what was supposed to have been a small nap on the couch together. That was until your boyfriend's hands had wandered up your shirt, freezing as they came in contact with cold metal.

"It was supposed to be a surprise", you whined as you pushed his hands off, immediately pulling your shirt back down. "Your birthday isn't for another week." — Yeonjun watches you in disbelief as you readjust your clothes, "it was for me?"

Rolling your eyes, you scoff, "yeah you dickhead, but now you've ruined it." Your boyfriend doesn't reply as he stares dumbfoundedly at your now covered chest. You follow his gaze as you shift beneath him, "what?" you mutter as you eye him warily.

"Fuck that is so fucking hot." He states as he swallows, Adams apple bobbing as his attention remains on your clothed nipples, metal jewellery peeking through the thin fabric. That next week he got three sets of new shiny metal for you to try on.

𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 secretly loves it

▪ would probably be very hesitant when you first brought up the idea of getting them pierced, asking if you were really sure.

▪ though once you get them done he can't stop staring, he loves the fact that your nipples are almost always visible through your shirts now.

▪ sucker for having the metal in his mouth where he can suck and lick on it.

"Do you like them?" You ask as you peek at your boyfriend from behind your lifted shirt, hoping to catch a glimpse of his reaction. Soobin remains silent as his eyes dart between your nipples, his lips parted in surprise.

He closes and opens his mouth a couple of times, blinking before he clears his throat. "I uh...I... y-yeah", he splutters, the tips of his ears turning a sheer pink as he shamelessly stares at the sparkly jewellery.

He swallows as he hesitantly reaches out to touch them, large hands easily cupping your breasts. His eyes flicker up to your face when you shudder under his touch, a small grin playing on his lips as he pulls you closer.

"I need to have them in my mouth", he bluntly states and you bite your lip before nodding. — Within seconds he's wrapped his lips around one of them, softly groaning at the cool feel of metal against his tongue. It soon became his favourite thing to do.

𝐁𝐄𝐎𝐌𝐆𝐘𝐔 thinks it's kinky..

▪ doesn't know if he should like it or not at first, thinks the whole ordeal is kinda kinky and he will tell you.

▪ but after the first time you fuck with them pierced he's sold. adores the way they shimmer as your tits bounce when you ride him, or when he feels the cool metal against his chest.

▪ still thinks it's kinky, but for the right reasons because he gets to play with them.

"What the— you got your nips pierced?" The sound of your boyfriend's voice startles you and you spin around on the spot as you hug your shirt to your bare chest. — "You perv!" You shriek, watching the smirk that spread across Beomgyu's face as he leans against the doorframe.

"What? Can't come see my girlfriend in peace now?" He mutters as he pushes himself off the wall and saunters over. You frown, "not when I'm changing, and not without telling me." — "Alright alright", he rolls his eyes, stopping in front of you as he peels your shirt from your hands.

His gaze immediately drops to the metal bars piercing your nipples and his eyes widen. "This is so kinky", he drawls, his fingers twisting the jewellery slightly before your hand smacks him away. "Hey!" You complain as you make a move to tug your shirt over your head.

"What?" His hands wrap around your waist as he pulls you closer, the metal of your piercings grazing your chest. "I ain't say I didn't like it", he grins before sealing your lips in a kiss.

𝐓𝐀𝐄𝐇𝐘𝐔𝐍 likes it but only on you

▪ has quite a conservative view of it, but he quickly grows to love how it looks on you, mostly because he likes everything about you.

▪ won't be as open as the others about how much he likes it, but he definitely doesn't mind you wearing tight shirts.

▪ most likely has a thing for rolling his fingers over the jewellery/and or tugging on it as a form of punishment.

“What? Don’t you like them?” You finally huff. It had been four days of Taehyun blatantly eyeing your chest, but he had yet to even comment on your newest piercing. — You would be lying if you said it didn't hurt you just a little.

Your boyfriend's gaze snaps from your chest to your eyes as he swallows, "no, they're fine.." he murmurs and you frown. "But?" — Taehyun sighs as he bites the inside of his cheek, considering his next words carefully.

"I just...I didn't expect something like that." Your frown deepens, and he's quick to notice it. "I still think you look good in them", he reassures you, grabbing your arm when you make a move to leave as he pulls you to his chest.

"You're always gorgeous to me", he whispers as he presses his lips against yours, one of his hands moving to cup your breast as his thumb massages your now pierced nipples.

𝐇𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐊𝐀𝐈 needs some time to warm up !

▪ not a huge piercing fan so he's very surprised when you reveal your latest additions to him.

▪ quite literally terrified to touch them during the healing process even if you reassure him that it's fine.

▪ really takes a liking to them once he's got used, also loves seeing you in different cute jewellery that he will most definitely buy for you.

Kai's eyes might just pop out of their sockets as he freezes beneath you. Confused, you look down to see his gaze entirely focused on your chest as he pushes your shirt up. "Babe what's..." He trails off as he sees the metal bar puncturing your skin.

"F-fuck doesn't that hurt?" He wonders, though he can't hide the way his cock twitched in his pants, he was sure that you felt it too as you squirmed on his lap.

"They're pretty, aren't they?" You grin as you lean down to press a kiss against his forehead. Your boyfriend nods, not taking his eyes off your chest, "b-but they don't hurt?" he frowns. You shake your head, "not in the slightest."

"Here see for yourself", you take his hand in yours, guiding it to your pierced nipple, watching as Kai's eyes widen once his finger graze the jewellery. "Holy fuck.."

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[daikiswife]

Headcanon: Dating a black Bimbo

notes: Hey hey! English isn't my first language so sorry if it's not perfect!

synopsis: Just, what if Dabi and Shigaraki had a Black Bimbo girlfriend~

warning: fluff, nsfw, cursing, semi-public, degrading, dry humping, cock drunk, pussy drunk, breeding kink, reader is part of the lov.

Tomura Shigaraki

First of all, your relationship is a true definition of "opposites attract". Shigaraki is the quiet type and he's outstanding only when he has to. When you're bubbly, extravagant and kind of loud sometimes.

but somehow you both get together

he likes the way you dress, and even if he doesn't say it out loud, he still wonders why a girl like you would date him

"so how do I look ?"

he stares at you for so long without saying anything, you are way too hot for his poor brain "Take a picture it'll last longer~" you say with a smirk on your lips. "stfu. That skirt is way too short, you hoe." you stick your tongue out to him "yeah yeah, you like it though~"

when you started dating, due to his quirk. he was very uncomfortable with touching you.

but you're touch starved and you need his hands ALL. OVER. YOU.

so he bought some digital artist gloves, spending his time squeezing your waist, thighs and ass no matter if people are watching or not

he'll slides his hand between your thighs, lightly strocking your covered pussy.

he also likes to kiss your neck slowly going down reaching your deep-cut biting your perky nipples through your shirt

he LOVES when you get your nails done make it long af he loves it "next time you should do them in baby blue... it would suit you"

he will definitely pay for your nails.

if you take him shopping he will complain all day about how much he wants to go home to play video games

but if you want something, he'll pay for it.

"Baby, what do you think of this one ?" he lazily raises his head to look at you "You look like a whore" "okay I'll take this one then~"

once again Shigaraki loves your style so he doesn't mind if what you're wearing "too short" or "too revealing", he likes it

but if someone dare look at you in some disgusting ways, he'll decay them without thinking twice

Don't look at his girl like if she was a piece of meat.

Shigaraki is very possessive

he likes to have you close when there's a lot of people around

so you're often on his lap, even during meetings

but you're such a tease, always trying to get him hard when you're supposed to sit still

pretending to find a more comfortable way to sit as you just press his covered cock with your ass

but your actions have consequences

and Shigaraki is not the patient type.

at the second that the two of you will be alone, he'll bent you over any surfaces and shoves his hard penis inside of you

"Aw look at you" he cooed "you're moaning like a dumb slut on my cock~"

he'll go rough on you, making you moaning and screaming. letting everyone around earing you "that's it baby, scream my name let them know who you're belonging to~"

Dabi

From fuck buddies to lovers in blink of an eye

You get under this man skin ngl

He loves your style, that what's peak his interest in you, but now that you both are dating he can't stop noticing the looks of others on you.

Dabi takes any occasions he has to smack your ass and boobs

"Okay I'm leaving see you later baby" you say and he looks at you "not with that skirt. go change yourself" "wtf no! I love this skirt!" he sighs "babe, I can see your bright pink thong from where I am. it's not even covering you ass properly."

like this man will do it in public with a proud smile when you'll turn to look at him

"look baby I got some new nails~!" "you really do like scratching my back, ain't you~" "wha- ITS NOT ABOUT SEX !"

Dabi is not really fond of nails, like he doesn't like it when it's too long and he will never pay for it

but he will definitely pay for nipples piercings

"oh no... I've break one of my nails..." he smirks "oh no you'll not going to require my help to masturbate anymore~"

Dabi is possessive and oddly jealous

if he sees you speaking with an other guy he'll come calmly, grabbing you by the hips, backhugging you while sending death glares to the poor guy.

when the guy is gone, you'll look at him with a disapproval look "What ? At least he's alive."

he loves making sexual jokes obviously but there's those moments when he's looking at you for a short time and his only thought is "damn I love this girl..."

"You're really pretty you know that ?" he says, dragging you on his lap "where did that come from?" "shut up, just take the compliment"

He's really weak for your touch and when I say weak, it's an HEAVY "weak".

And sometimes no matter where you are, you'll be ending with him between your thighs, your legs wraps around him while he fucks you deep and hard against a wall

his lips busy biting your neck and giving you hickeys, holding back his moans

shhh... I know princess~" he whiper next to ears, biting you lobe lightly "But you have to keep it down, people will ear you~"

he'll keep fucking you, filling you with cum before letting you go "You're such a good girl~"

Then you'll both join the meeting like nothing happens

and he'll smirks like an ass seeing his seed slowly running down your thighs

note: I'm sorry if the NSF isn't good I'm not to write those in english :(

[nicholasluvbot]

EYES OFF YOU ✶ ASAKURA JO

in which... jo tries to help you with a subject that he doesnt even take, thinking you'd be impressed.

pairing. asakura jo x gn!reader genre. fluff, jo is a complete loser and down bad for the reader wc. 644 author's note. HAPPY JO DAY !! i dont usually write for idols on their birthday, but since this was sitting in my drafts, i decided to post it! i love losers sm and jo being my fav loser i had to write this for him. also i hate biomolecules.

You sigh as you sit in your seat, feeling the weight of your frustration. Your friend Maki was supposed to help you with a chapter on biomolecules, a topic you'd been struggling with for weeks. But he had suddenly bailed, leaving you alone and stressed. Despite your best efforts, the concepts just weren't clicking.

You flip through the pages of your textbook, trying to make sense of the confusing diagrams and dense text. You barely notice when Jo approaches your desk. He hesitates for a moment before clearing his throat softly.

"Hey, uh, are you okay?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

You look up, surprised. Jo rarely ever spoke, especially not to you. Despite being in the same friend group, your interactions had been minimal at best. His sudden concern catched you off guard.

"I'm just struggling with this chapter," you admit, gesturing to the open book in front of you. "Maki was supposed to help me, but he bailed."

Jo's eyes flicker over the pages, and he nods slowly. "Biomolecules? That's easy for me. I can teach you if you want."

"Really?" you ask, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't know biology was your thing."

"It's not really, but I remember this part from earlier. I think I can explain it." he replies, pulling up a chair next to you.

As Jo begins to explain, you find yourself drawn not just to the subject matter, but to Jo himself. His voice, usually quiet and unassuming, takes on a gentle cadence as he tries to simplify the complexities of biomolecules. His explanations are earnest, accompanied by nervous gestures that betray his lack of confidence in the material.

You notice how his hair, usually neatly combed, falls slightly disheveled over his forehead, giving him a slightly endearing, boyish charm. His glasses, perched precariously on the bridge of his nose, slip down every so often, prompting him to push them back up absentmindedly.

Despite his efforts, Jo falters. He stumbles over definitions, his explanations occasionally trailing off into uncertain mutters. Diagrams that should clarify concepts only seem to confuse him further. You watch him closely, a furrow forming between your brows as you try to reconcile the disparity between his initial confidence and his current struggle.

"Jo," you interrupt gently, "Are you sure you're good at this? Biology isn't even one of your subjects, right?" 

Jo freezes, his face turning a shade of red you've never seen before. He stammers, "I, uh... I just wanted to help. I'm sorry. I thought I could do it."

You laugh softly, shaking your head. "Jo, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. It's actually kinda sweet that you tried."

He looks at you, wide-eyed and still blushing furiously. "I just... I don’t know why i said i’d do it."

"Jo, if you wanted to spend time with me, you could've just asked to meet up outside of school." you teased.

Jo's blush deepens, and he looks down at his hands. "I didn't think you'd say yes." 

Oh! He actually wanted to spend time with you? You were flattered, honestly, and you knew that you’d regret it if you didn’t do something about it.

You smile, reaching out to gently touch his arm. "Well, why don't you ask me now?"

He swallows nervously, finally meeting your gaze. "Would you... would you like to go out with me sometime? Maybe we could study together? Or, you know, do something fun?"

You grin, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. "I'd like that, Jo. I'd like that a lot."

Jo's face lights up with a shy, relieved smile. "Okay, great. How about this weekend?"

"It's a date," you say, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze.

As you both gather your things, the frustration from earlier melts away. Maybe Maki bailing wasn't such a bad thing after all.

[astrecium]

Ah, sorry I forgot! 😅😭 Character of choice in my request is Wanderer^^

- 🍂

where when ? !?

bf!wanderer x reader

cw: reader has a mental breakdown, only. SORRY FOR BAD ENGLISH, it's not my first language

summary: In which Reader's thought's spiraled out of control because of their abandonment trauma, and caused a mental breakdown.

(I didnt know what to make the breakdown about.. sorry if this isn't what you wanted.)

"are you sure you are alright?" Wanderer asked you. It wouldn't matter

now anyway,

he was leaving with one of the student groups he claims to tolerate at the akadimiya. You didn't see anything wrong with that at first, instead, it's nice to see your boyfriend making friends! "Nope, you can go."

Wanderer came to you once again, giving you a quick and small hug. "k, see you later." he said before turning his back to you, reaching for the door, opening it then leaving. He promised he would come back before night, it's ok to trust him now!

the rest of the noon you spent your time doing whatever. watching tv, playing with your phone, reading.. but something kept crossing your mind every once in a while.

"but what if he's actually leaving me? That friend of his is looks pretty enough to attract his attention."

You didn't pay much attention to it. But the question kept coming back, again and again. Consequently, you started thinking more than you should about it. Did you do anything that upset him? Heck, he was once a god, you are just you. Does he actually even like you? He's going to leave you like the others did, you've been through relationships before and this always happens.

and suddenly that was everything you could think about. It's so late now, shouldn't he be home already? Maybe he's having too much fun with them, unlike you, they can be funny to spend time with. You put your phone down, sitting in bed. Maybe you should just wait.

The clock keeps ticking, and you still didn't hear the sound of the keys. The sky is dark already, and where is he? Probably leaving you. You never manage to keep the people you love, do you? You loved him so much, but maybe that wasn't enough to keep him.

you try to get up. But your legs are trembling so hard, you can't bring yourself to do it, so you just crawl to pick up a blanket and cover yourself, sat on the bed biting your nails, unable to do anything but ponder and ponder. By time, you were crying already. Your chest hurts so much, no matter how hard you try to stop thinking about it, it just won't go away. Anxiety growing more and more, Your body feels heavier than usual. You kept yourself under the covers, Covering and "insuring" you of everything but yourself.

*Click!

The lights came on, the key made a noise and you didn't even notice. And there he was, staring at the blanket and shaking. Honestly, he didn't even know what to do...comfort you? He doesn't know how to do this. Giving you space would make him a complete asshole. He would even swallow dry, but being a puppet, his mouth doesn't create enough saliva for him to do that. Light steps took him to where you were, placing a hand that seemed much heavier to you.

"you...fine over there?" The question would almost irritate you if he wasn't exactly the one you need at the moment — you're crying, biting your nails, what does he think. Unable to make any coherent noise other than sobs, you just nod, it was automatic. You weren't right there.” The wanderer sighed, slowly sitting down next to him. He didn't ask why you collapsed, instead he gave you a hug, this time stronger and more gentle, Bringing you close to him, until your head touches his shoulder. There was no noise other than the sobbing, neither he nor you have any idea what to say in a situation like this. He would slap you on the back a few times, sighing a few 'shhh, it's over now.' And it stayed like that until you fell asleep. Your tears wet the sleeve of his shirt completely, but he leaves it to pull your ear later. He kept giving you some gentle taps on your back to calm you down, even if you are still asleep.

He didn't get out of bed that night, no. He stayed there until the morning, only leaving when he was going to wake you up, he went to make you something to eat. He wakes you up in a much 'gentle' way than usual. "We can talk about it if you want or whatever.”

IM SORRY FOR THE TIME THIS TOOK I DIDNT MEAN TO HAVE AN WRITEBLOCK FIR MORE THAN 3 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!