#i like this so im posting it here too

[art-blogge]

Kay’s very-definitely not-fun time-loop hell-zone

It was a normal morning. Sir Kay had finally come downstairs to join his Master and fellow Servant- His adopted kid and his boyfriend.

"You're alive," Griflet plainly stated upon seeing Kay, to which Kay nodded and put his eyepatch on.

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't cook this morning, I stayed up late doing some tax forms."

Kay looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. He was still a bit drowsy, so he missed whatever Master Kidd said, but perked back up when his own name was uttered.

"--Kay, could you make sure Griflet doesn't wander off? It's his turn to take the trash out!"

Kay nodded and watched as Grif walked out the front door, trash bags over his shoulders. Kay heard the sound of the cans hitting the ground, and sighed before raising his voice.

"Stop THROWING it, Grif! Just put it in the cans!"

No response. Kay was about to walk away when Griflet very suddenly shrieked. Kay immediately rushed to the door and threw it open with enough force to dent the wall it slammed into.

Griflet was dying, Kay realized with horror. Griflet had JUST stepped outside, and less than a minute later he was dying on the pavement, the tell-tale golden glitter sparkling off of him in contrast to the fresh blood along the driveway. There was no sign of a struggle, no sign of anyone or anything else being there.

No. Nonononono. Nononononononononononono. Kay tried to rush to Griflet's side, but he didn't make it- Instead collapsing a couple of feet away from a fit of dizziness. No, no, he could process the blood later, Griflet was--! -- Kay woke with a gasp, still in his own bed. Oh. OH. It'd just been a nightmare. Kay held his hand over his heart, trying to will it into slowing down. There was nothing to be worried about! There shouldn't be. Just to be sure, Kay got up and looked outside the window. Nothing. The driveway was clean, and the trash wasn't out. There wasn't anything to be w-- What was that?

Kay rubbed his eyes and looked again. No, he'd definitely seen SOMETHING just behind the cans. That was no wild animal. Furrowing his brow, Kay went downstairs after putting his eyepatch on.

"You're alive," Griflet plainly stated upon seeing Kay, to which Kay nodded.

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't cook this morning, I stayed up late doing some tax forr..." Kay trailed off, recognizing that he'd just said this. Hadn't he?

He completely missed what Kidd had said, only tuning in when his name was said.

"--Kay, could you make sure Griflet doesn't wander off? It's his turn to take the trash out!"

Kay nodded and then paused.

"Wait. Grif, can you hold on a second?"

Griflet stopped in the doorway, looking back at Kay. This was his chance.

"I think you're going to die. Don't ask why, but I don't think this is ending well. I saw something weird outside the window and it's worrying me."

Griflet blinked. He didn't seem fazed by this at all.

"Nothing can kill me. I'll rip it to shr-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence due to the inky-black tentacle... thing, that was now through his chest and backside. Griflet yelped in pain, dropping the trash bags and clawing at the tentacle that had pierced him, to no effect. Kay immediately withdrew his sword and tried to cut through it, also to no avail. Griflet sunk to his knees as the tentacle withdrew and vanished around the doorframe, the death sparkles beginning to shine.

"I fuckin' told you!" Kay snapped, dropping to his own knees next to Griflet, "Stay alive this time, will you?!"

Griflet didn't say anything in response. He just kind of looked at Kay with a real guilty expression, and-- --- Kay fell out of bed in a panic. Okay, there was. There was no way that was a dream that time! He jumped up from the floor and peered out the window again. Yep! There that thing was again, lurking behind the trash cans!

Without a second thought, Kay sped downstairs, not even bothering with his eyepatch.

"You're ali-" Griflet started to say, but Kay interrupted.

"I'm alive, yes, but you won't be if you go outside! I've seen you die twice today, we're not doing it a third time!"

Both Kidd and Griflet stopped and stared at him. With their attention, Kay continued speaking.

"The first time I thought it was a bad dream, fine, okay! But twice? No, Kiddo, Grif's not taking the trash out and I'm not watching him do it!"

Wisely, Kidd decided to stay out of this situation and shuffled into a different room. Griflet did not, tilting his head slightly and continuing to stare at Kay.

"You can't rip it to shreds, Grif. You said that and then got shanked."

"Hm," was Griflet's entire, extended response to that statement.

They stood there for a couple of minutes. Nothing happened. After a few more moments of nothing, Kay looked towards the window. He didn't see anything this time. Phew.

"Okay, I think it's gone now, but I still don't think we should go out there. I don't like the chances and I really don't wanna watch you die a third tim--"

Something crashed through the window, directly into Griflet. This time around, Kay was the one who screamed. Kay didn't even get a good look at what the hell THAT was, because-- ---- "You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

Bed. Again. Kay put his hands on his face and groaned as loudly as he could manage. Okay, there. Now it was out of his system. Let's try this again, faster this time.

"You're ali-"

"Shut up, I'm alive and you won't be," Kay stated with a startling amount of very serious confidence, "You've died three times in front of me today. Kidd, back room. Grif, I'm locking you in the fucking bathroom. Block the window while you're in there."

Griflet responded, but Kay ignored it, grabbing Griflet by the arm and forcefully dragging him to the bathroom. Griflet looked confused, but went with it- With all the weird things he'd dragged Kay through, it was only fair he believe what Kay was telling him.

After making sure Griflet had blocked the window somehow (Griflet did not specify with what he'd blocked it with, which was concerning), Kay sat down next to the window. He could see the shape wriggling behind the trash cans still, and it started to peer around before seemingly spotting him. Kay stared at it, and he assumed it was staring at him, too. Kay flipped it off.

Something crashed in the bathroom, LOUDLY, followed by Griflet yelling "I'LL KILL YOU!". Kay winced, and after a moment of deliberation, left the Thing by the cans alone to check on Griflet.

When Kay got to the bathroom door, there was no sound at all. Oh no. Oh, no.

"You've gotta be shitting me," Kay murmured, definitely smelling blood from the other side of the door.

"Don't worry about it, I'll clean it up," Griflet croaked from the other side of the door. Oh. Maybe he was okay, then? Kay opened the door and Immediately Regretted That Decision. At no point of his life had he ever had a desire to see what Griflet looked like when cut in twain. And despite this! Despite clearly dying on the spot, glittering away! Griflet was still trying to use a towel to contain all of the blood.

Needless to say, Kay shut down on the spot. ----- Kay didn't move. The complete shut-down of all higher processes persisted over the day resetting, and he just... Laid there, unable to process anything more than the previous image. It was stuck at the forefront of his brain, and nothing was removing it any time soon. He didn't even register the crashing, or Griflet shrieking. ------ On reset, Kay immediately woke up, but he felt violently ill. Okay, he'd better skip this one. He wouldn't be able to function like this. He hated how quickly he'd gotten used to this, too- He wasn't built for this sort of thing, was he? ... No, of course not, that would be absurd. He wasn't Griflet, he wasn't designed in Ye Olde Alien Sims... And there was Griflet screaming. Kay sighed, closed his eyes, and waited. ------- He still felt sick on reset, but he had to move. He HAD to do something. Griflet had died six times already!

"Kay? Are you okay?"

Kidd leaned into the room, looking concerned. Well, that was different.

"No. I watched Grif die again, Kiddo. Time loop. You didn't come up here before, what's up?"

Kidd blinked and almost forgot to say why he came upstairs.

"Grif's dad said you were feeling bad. You're not sick, are you?"

"No, of course not," Kay quickly reassured him, waving his hands, "If I was sick, I would've locked the door so you can't get in."

Griflet's dad, huh....... Kay had a plan for the next loop. Just wait for the inevitable scream.. -------- Kay skipped all of the previous steps he'd gone through on previous loops. Completely ignoring Griflet's greeting, he immediately asked to speak with Griflet's dad. He had Questions and it was Urgent.

Upon being passed Paimon (the orb), Kay knocked on it.

"Hey! Yog! What the fuck is going on?!"

Paimon lit up, and after a moment of static (from plugging in headphones), Griflet's dad answered.

"A lot, but I cannot interfere directly," Yog admitted, but his voice did not betray his emotions on the matter. "If I left Griflet to his own devices, he would most certainly attempt the exact same method of escape every single time." A brief pause, and then he added "Griflet, there is a threat outside, behind the garbage cans. It can kill you in one hit. Be careful."

Griflet nodded and headed outside, leaving the trash bags behind. Once he was definitely out of earshot, Yog continued speaking.

"I am sorry to force you into this position, Sir Kay. No one else can. I am unsure why Griflet is not retaining his memory, it may be related to his deaths. I'll work on it in the background. Death in twenty."

Kay sighed, hard. So that's how it was. Seeing the Thing coming out from behind the trash cans, Kay shielded his eyes with one hand and waited for the inevitable. It was over in seconds. --------- "Grif, I gotta talk to you!" was how Kay started the next loop. Best to start immediately. Griflet was there in seconds, patiently waiting for whatever Kay had to say. Kay had a lot to say, and patiently explained exactly what was going on. He also made sure to write it all down in a pocket notebook, which he jammed into his, well, pocket.

"In the end, listen, Moron. If you die, we have to start this entire loop over," Kay finished, crossing his arms. Griflet thought about this for a couple of moments.

"I see. So we can spend more time together if I die lots and lots."

"NO!"

Kay threw a pillow at Griflet, and Griflet let it connect. -3 hp.

"You die too fast for that to mean shit," Kay finally replied, shaking off the shock of Griflet having said that to begin with. "I don't want to watch you die more. I want this over with. I'm going with you this time."

Griflet wanted to object, but Kay didn't let him. None of that "But then how do I protect you?" shit. It was Kay's turn to try.

...

Well, he definitely tried, but he got instantly downed as soon as he attempted to stand in front of Griflet. He didn't even need to roll over to know Griflet also got one-shot, and he just sighed. Okay. Let's try this again. ---------- Kay called Griflet upstairs again, and explained the situation a second time. He slightly abridged it this time- For time reasons- and didn't let Griflet make the stupid comment. Kay was also pleasantly surprised to learn that everything he'd written down in the pocket notebook had remained, so he quickly added to it.

"Grif, this is the tenth, FUCKING, loop. If this one goes badly, I'm letting myself die next loop."

Kay was bluffing... Mostly. He hated every part of this. He didn't sign up for this! If they failed this loop (and they most certainly were going to), Kay had every intent to try and fight this Thing by himself. ----------- Kay went out to fight the Thing by himself. He didn't say a single word, just went outside and flipped off the wriggling Thing. Nothing happened. Kay blinked. Was... Was Griflet specifically the target here?

It turned out, yes. As soon as Griflet stepped outside, the Thing started priming to launch a tentacle. Kay put an arm out in front of Griflet, and shook his head.

"Get back inside. This is mine."

To Kay's shock, Griflet listened. It didn't help. ------------ For the third time in the row, Kay explained everything to Griflet in his own room. He took extra time on this one, explaining what had happened to Griflet every single time. As Griflet processed this information, Kay scribbled down the contents of the last loop.

"Wow... Ten deaths in one day. That's a world record. Amazing"

Well, at least one of them was amused by this.

"Eleven," Kay corrected, before sighing. "I don't know what to do, Grif. And don't say "I'll tear it to shreds", please, I'm goddamn serious."

They thought about it for a while, and occasionally one of them would voice a particularly stupid idea. Kay would immediately shoot down Griflet's dumb ideas, and then shoot down his own when Griflet attempted to agree with them. They got absolutely nowhere.

Then Kay noticed. Griflet was still alive. His surprise must have been very clear, because Griflet looked at him oddly.

"I think this is the longest we've lasted," Kay explained, looking towards the window, "I didn't want to say it because I know it'll get ruined."

Griflet didn't respond to this. Instead, he asked his own questions.

"The first step to time looping is recognizing you are in a time loop. The second thing is to recognize the conditions that trigger the time loop. Is it the same thing killing me every time?"

"Yeah, it is. Your dad is resetting every time you die, I think. He wasn't specific."

Griflet nodded, and then pulled out Paimon. Unlike Kay, he didn't knock on it or anything- He simply addressed it.

"Dad, are you resetting this time loop?"

Yog answered affirmatively, then added that this loop was about to reset before hanging up on them. They didn't have time to process this before Griflet was impaled through Kay's window.

"That's a big "oof" from me," Griflet muttered, and then died. ------------- Kay used the following loop to collect his own thoughts. There had to be a way to avoid this, right? What could they do as hum--- Well, that was the first problem. They were Servants. There was probably PLENTY they could do to avoid this. Kay smacked his own forehead in embarrassment, opting to not share that detail with Griflet later.

"Did you think of something?" Griflet asked, not bothering to knock.

"Yeah, about how stupid I am-- Why are you up here? I didn't call you up here."

He hadn't. Kay hadn't called for Griflet at all this loop. Griflet narrowed his eyes, thinking.

"I got used to it," he said, explaining nothing at all to Kay. He proceeded to explain that he didn't remember anything else, just coming upstairs and then being miserable. He was starting to remember.

"That's useful!" Kay exclaimed, jumping up, "If you're able to remember, it'll make this so much easier!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Griflet admitted, before being called downstairs by Kidd. Kay went with him, just to see how Griflet would die this time.

It proceeded to be the same way as usual- Getting stabbed straught through the torso.

"I'll remember this," Griflet threatened, clawing at the tentacle, "I'm gonna tear you to shreds!"

Griflet then expired. -------------- Griflet barged into Kay's room before Kay even had a chance to open his eyes. This startled Kay enough that his hand leapt to his sword, only relaxing when he saw Griflet.

"Kay, I died again!"

"Yeah you fucking did. Did you remember this time?"

Griflet thought about it, drumming some of his gauntlet claws against his armor.

"I got stabbed. Kidd wasn't there."

Huh. That was... Kidd had barely been involved in any of this, thankfully. Kay had no intention of getting their young Master involved, though, so he didn't do anything with this information.

"Have you figured out what entity is killing me so we can figure out it's weakness?"

Kay shot Griflet a flat look for the question.

"If I goddamn knew entities, I'd tell you. It's behind the trash cans. Look yourself, Beastmaster Griffy."

Kay pointed out the window, and Griflet looked outside. He pulled up his menu and started scrolling through his Bestiary, comparing the Thing with what he already had recorded. Amorphous... Non-earthly.... Size unknown....

"The Wailing Writher," Griflet finally said, pulling up an entry. Kay couldn't read a single thing (it not being in English), but there was a picture to use. A horrid thing, with a base of tentacles, and tens of facial features- Mostly mouths.

"It's Uncle," Griflet added, noting Kay's clear confusion. Oh. Oh. That explained a lot, actually, and Kay let that be known.

"It's that piece of shit?! Again?! That explains so goddamn much!!" A pause. "But wait, I thought he liked you. Why would he kill you?"

"Ah. That's simple. That's how we bond as a family, I think-" Griflet wasn't given a chance to finish that sentence, because Kay threw a pillow at him. -3 hp. Griflet ignored it and kept going.

"-Except Dad. Dad doesn't try to kill me."

"That would be the opposite of my job," Yog piped up from Griflet's menu.

"Anyway, this isn't within the first fifteen times he's tried to kill me," Griflet casually said, like it would make things any better. Ignoring Kay's outburst of "Permanently?!", Griflet suggested they figure out a way to stop him. Kay stared at him like he was raving mad.

They didn't get to finish planning, because Griflet's uncle charged through the window and impaled Griflet. Again. --------------- They hadn't finished the plan, but they didn't have anything to lose. If they lost, the loop would reset. They were going to use this to their advantage.

Kay walked outside, having donned his Ascension 1 armor. Griflet was presumably behind him, in Spirit Form. Kay hoped that Griflet wouldn't wander off like he usually did- That'd ruin everything.

The Thing saw Kay, but ignored him. Perfect. Sure that it was looking at him, Kay fingergunned, and Griflet appeared behind the Thing with an LED flashlight pointed straight at it.

"Eat this, Nyarlathotep!"

Nyarlathotep proceeded to shank Griflet immediately. Okay, this plan needed work.

"Surprise," hissed Nyarla, all of his mouths grinning.

Griflet groaned, and then started mumbling incoherently. When asked to repeat it, Griflet mumbled "This is just like that one scene from Blue's Clues."

Both Nyarla and Kay stared at Griflet, squinting and having no idea what the hell he was talking about. In hindsight, Kay should have gone after Nyarla now, but he also wanted to know what the fuck Griflet was talking about.

"You know..... When the mail arrives?"

"Excuse me, what?"

That was it for that loop. Mission failed miserably. ---------------- While Griflet was waiting to strike, Kay sat down on the driveway and started writing down what had happened in the last few loops. He saw Nyarla getting close and inched away, frowning.

"Stop trying to kill my boyfriend. I like him alive."

"Okay," said Nyarla, directly before impaling Kay. Ah. So that's how it felt. ----------------- Kay sat a little further away this time. He didn't get involved in Griflet's sneak attack, and just watched Griflet get demolished. By this point, it wasn't even bloodshed- It was just Griflet dying again. Kay worried about actually getting used to this. Pros: He wouldn't be so afraid of bloodshed. Cons: He'd be used to Griflet dying violently.

"You know, I could adapt to this if I wanted to," Nyarla casually mentioned, throwing Griflet's body to the side like a trash bag. Then he impaled Kay again. Oh. Okay. ------------------ They tried a different approach this time. Griflet went outside, dual-wielding flashlights, while Kay followed him in Spirit Form. Kay was also equipped with two flashlights, and he was also ready to unleash flames if the situation called for it.

Descending upon Nyarla at the same time, they unleashed several light sources directly into Nyarla's eyes, stunning and hurting him. Seeing this working, Kay took a deep breath, held it for a couple of moments, put one finger in front of his mouth, and blew, releasing a stream of fire along the path of the flashlight's beam. It was working! It was working! It was--

Griflet got slammed aside by a single tentacle, sending him flying. Both of his flashlights fell to the ground, and Kay immediately sprinted to grab them, all while keeping his own high-beams on Nyarla. As a tentacle reared back, Kay pointed one of the flashlights at it, forcing it to recoil back. Kay kept all of his attention on his enemy, fierce determination snarling across his face. He wasn't doing this again! He refused! He adamantly, genuinely, absolutely refused to go through this again!

Something touched his arm, but Kay only spared a quick glance to his side. It was Griflet! He was still alive!

Grunting in pain, Griflet grabbed onto Kay's hands to also hold the flashlights. Kay felt his own hands getting warm, and he was sure Griflet felt it too. Not important right now, though! After jamming the flashlights into Griflet's hands, Kay withdrew his sword from its sheathe.

"Kay? What are you doing?" Griflet asked, squinting. Kay glanced back at him and smirked, giving a single nod. Griflet knew exactly what was about to happen just from, and promptly shut up.

"Master! Permission to launch a Noble Phantasm?!" Kay shouted, charging up. He didn't actually care what Kidd's answer was- He was going to no matter what. He wanted this OVER.

Without a hint of hesitation, Kay approached the cowering Thing, chanting under his breath. His sword started to cover itself in thorny scales, and a multi-colored flame erupting from the hilt coated even that.

"Hope you're ready for what you deserve! Here's Chapalu's Scale Sword!"

Nine blazingly strong slashes, and the battle was over. What was once Griflet's uncle (or an avatar of his) was now a pile of steaming, neatly cut and cauterized alien flesh. It was over.

"Kay!"

Griflet nearly bowled him over, barely stopping before he could topple them both over. No response.

"Kay?"

Kay barely registered Griflet speaking, much less him being there. He felt... Exhausted, oddly so. Why? He'd only used a single Noble Phantasm... Ah. His brain had decided that now, in his moment of weakness, it was the perfect time to start jamming images of Griflet's previous deaths to the forefront. Everything he'd put off thinking about was returning with a vengeance. Fucking stellar.

Griflet had grabbed onto Kay as soon as he'd realized that Kay had gone unresponsive, and tightened his hold when Kay started to sag in his arms. Ah. This again. He must be exhausted, Griflet figured. Kay had been killed several times over the time loops, and he wasn't designed for easy revivals. All the damage must have caught up with him. That, or the other thing. It didn't matter. What mattered was getting Kay inside, and maybe finally taking that trash out. - - It took him a few moments to find his bearings and shake off his exhaustion. As soon as he did, though, Kay's heart leapt into his throat. He was waking up inside? Had they failed anyway?! He very abruptly sat up, and immediately regret doing that, as it made him nauseous.

The feeling cleared after a few moments, and he blinked as the last brain-fog lifted. Wait. This wasn't his room. There was confetti on the floor. He knew as well as Griflet what that meant--

"Mission completed!" chimed Yog from a nearby chair, Paimon resting on the cushion. Sitting on the floor next to this was Griflet, who had been doing who-knows-what with his menu until he saw that Kay was awake.

"Mission completed, Kay," Griflet repeated, in case Kay hadn't registered it, "You did it. You beat my uncle."

Not even a moment later, Griflet changed the subject.

"I took out the trash, and I took out the giant Crab Assassin that was lurking inside of our bathroom while you were sleeping off the revive sickness. That killed me earlier today, Dad said."

Kay blinked. Absolutely none of those words got through Kay Processing, especially not in that order.

"The fucking what?"

"The giant Crab Assassin," Griflet repeated, making a "Stop-Making-Me-Have-Extended-Dialogue" expression.

Kay decided he wasn't going to ask, actually. A few beats of complete silence passed, and then Paimon shifted slightly, as if turning to look at Griflet. Griflet noticed, did nothing.... And then covered his face with his hands.

"Kay," Griflet muttered, not uncovering his face, "Uh. Um..... Thanks. Without you, I would not have gotten through this without you. Certainly, I would have ended up trapped for all eternity."

Kay stared. That was a fucking first. Griflet never thanked anybody unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Don't forget the pre-marital hand-holding," Nyarla added from the windowsill.

"Pre-marital hand-holding...!" Griflet echoed, clearly beyond flustered, "I have committed a grievous sin...!"

"You Moron! We've been dating for months!!! That's not new!!"

Kay huffed, frustrated. And then he paused. He thought about everything that had just been said. And he slowly turned to stare at Nyarla, who was still there like this was a normal thing to be doing.

"Hey, wait! Get the fuck out of my house, you fuckin' inky bitch!"

Chapalu's Scale Sword- Searing Cat O'Nine Blows [B+], NP1, 200%. Good-bye, Nyarla. No afterlife would possibly want you.

[inkskinned]

the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

[mjulmjul]

Katya / Goncharov

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!

mothwing (and hawkfrost)

[a-sketchy]

potatoes of indeterminate size

[haunted-xander]

For what do you live?

[slavhew]

charmed, i'm sure

[collophora]

Do yourself a favor and go read the entire fanfic work of @fanfoolishness

(In order: Under sun and shade, Blind Side, and Breathless (patching up is one of my fav too, I just had no cool sketch idea for it)

[puppyeared]

axolotl

[unsanctitude]

tried to make a new elf to introduce to the abysmal ecosystem here. brought to you by Women who stare at thiings

[art-blogge]

Local jester actually does something, more at 9

The one time the Royal Jester was minding his own business, he finds what may as well have been a murder scene. The one time, Sir Dagonet emphasized to himself, looking over this entire mess of a Chaldean Breakroom. Why had he assumed it was a murder scene? Well, that was simple. There was blood quite literally everywhere, and there was a guy dead against a wall. Well, probably not dead. The only people in Chaldea that weren't Servants were the staff, and there was definitely a body still here... So not actually dead. If any Servants had died here, their bodies would have been long gone.

Focus. Focus. Dagonet took a deep breath and took a second look around the room. This time, he spotted things he'd missed he first time, like scorch marks on the nearest wall, a crushed birdcage(?) on the other side of the room, and the little cube on the floor next to the dead guy.

The Jester's first course of action: Checking the guy. Dagonet knew who this guy was, and wasn't remotely shocked that someone had attempted to kill Sir Kay- That was common even back when they were alive. Squatting down next to Kay, Dagonet lightly prodded him with his jester staff for a reaction and got no response. Okay. So Kay was either unconscious, paralyzed, fucked over in a way Dagonet couldn't think of at the moment, or a mix of the three.

What actually confused Dagonet in this situation was that he couldn't actually find any injuries on Kay. A few scrapes and cuts, sure, but nothing actually substantial. Maybe two of the scrapes were bleeding, at most, so it wasn't injury or blood-loss that'd felled him. Despite this, Kay was pale- Enough to be concerning. Perhaps it'd been a mental attack? But that wouldn't explain all of the blood around the room. That also wouldn't explain why the little cube had decided that biting his hand was a valid course of action.

Dagonet opted to ignore the cube for now. He definitely recognized it- Yes, hello to you too, Add- and knew there was no way he would get any useful information out of him. Add was as much as a nuisance as Kay, intentionally so... But wait. If Add was here, then Gray must have been here at some point. That meant one of two things: Either Kay had entered a situation where Gray had already been, or vice-versa. Hmmm. No way to tell just yet.

Dagonet considered the way the blood splattered, and where the floor was clean. Was it feasible someone had been standing Here, and got shot in This Direction? Maybe? But there were no bullet holes in the walls, so a literal shooting was out. It would have needed to be a shotgun at point blank for this kind of splatter, anyway.

He slowed down the investigating here. Dagonet knew Add was watching him, and he hadn't considered the idea of Add tattling. About what? Well, that he was smart at all. He was the Royal Jester, why would he be smart? People knowing that he was smart was about as useful to him as people knowing his Class-- Harmful to his reputation, and it'd ruin his favorite strategy. Add continued to say absolutely nothing, which made Dagonet uncomfortable. Was something wrong with the Logic... The uh.... The cube's Pseudo-personality?

Based on the faces Add was making at him, no, no there wasn't. He was just being difficult. Of course. All Kays are the same, no matter what form he's in.

Hmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Dagonet could always investigate the scorch mar----

His thought process was interrupted by the electronic door sliding open, and he immediately forced himself to jump as if surprised. People were here!

"Something definitely happened here!" Dagonet exclaimed with the biggest grin he could manage, "I don't think the crowd that was here would've liked my jokes much!"

The response was being stared at by Gray and one of Chaldea's doctors. They didn't know a single thing. Good.

"No, I don't think they would have," Gray uncertainly responded, not quite sure who she was dealing with. Add wasn't commenting, oddly enough, prompting her to pick him up off the floor while the doctor checked on Kay.

"I'm not gonna say anything! Not a thing at all!" Add announced, bouncing in Gray's hands. After a few more bounces, he added "You can't shake my cage! You can't make me do anything!"

He was right, Dagonet figured. Add's birdcage was still on the other side of the room, and still in it's crushed condition. Dagonet wasn't sure how in sync Gray and Add were, and opted not to add his own input. He was gonna ask if there was a reason for being difficult, but again, Kays will be Kays. Maybe the two Kays had made some kind of agreement.

Maybe the doctor needed help moving Kay, Dagonet noticed a moment later. The doctor was an ordinary human (probably), so definitely needed some Servant assistance.

"I'd take off a hand and offer it to you, you know!" the Jester joked, moving in to give the doctor a helping hand, "You know! So I could give you a hand?"

The doctor stared at him. Dagonet felt accomplished. That had absolutely been annoying as hell. Okay, right, actually helping now. ---- -------- Sitting outside of the infirmary, Dagonet was indecisive about if he should ask Gray about what had happened or not. Was it in character to ask? Probably not.

"Sad clown!" Add yelled out, and Dagonet immediately looked up and towards him (and Gray). Oh, well, if Add of all people had noticed, then maybe it wouldn't be too out of character.

"Yeah, a little. Can I ask you two what happened to Sir Kay the rude in there?"

That covered it nicely, he figured.

What he didn't expect was for Gray to shrug.

"I'm not entirely sure myself. Sir asked me to see if that group of Servants would settle down, because they were giving him a headache."

"As if everythin' doesn't give him a headache!" Add chimed in, before having his face pushed into the sofa cushions for his crime of being sassy.

"When I got there, a bunch of Servants were fighting already," Gray continued to explain, "Sir Kay was already there, against the wall where you found him. I thought he had gotten cursed, but I didn't feel anything of the sort afterwards. He didn't look well, so I went to find help."

Okay, most of this made sense to Dagonet, but a few things still didn't add up.

"But wasn't that your Add-cage?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

Gray nodded to confirm this, and explained that "It was. I left Add there with Sir Kay in case something happened. I don't know what happened to his cage, and Add won't tell me."

She finally released Add from sofa-cushion-hell, and bounced onto the floor, away from Gray. He still didn't seem willing to explain anything, opting to instead look as smug as possible. Dagonet didn't think Kay could ever get more smug, but Add had proven that he most certainly could.

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes, with the only sounds being from Add bouncing on the floor, and Dagonet occasionally twitching his funny little jester staff. It made a very annoying jingling sound, and this was very intentional. Someone would eventually complain, breaking the silence.

It half-worked. Add complained, but instead of starting a conversation, Gray remembered a task she was meant to be doing for Reines. As Gray excused herself and tried to catch Add, Add cackled and hopped away.

"You want an answer, clown? I'll give ya a hint! Mad dog got a hold of my house! Ihihih!"

Since Add had stopped jumping around in order to give that information, Gray was able to catch him and hastily make her exit. Dagonet was alone again, meaning he could actually take this seriously again. Mad Dog..... Oh, Add had probably meant Sir Lancelot and his tendency to use anything as a weapon. A birdcage could be used as a blunt-force weapon, Dagonet supposed. That was another mystery solved, and it helped answer why a fight had probably broken out. Lancelot was unpredictable as a Berserker, so either he started something or responded with more violence. Blaming Lancelot was too easy though. It didn't feel as conclusive as Dagonet had wanted it to. No, he'd definitely have to ask Kay about it.

Dagonet decided to peek into the infirmary through the little door window. He saw Kay awake (and looking very uncomfortable), and immediately chose to barge in, shaking his staff for maximum jingle and presence announcement. He didn't even get to speak before Kay complained.

"Fuck, not you. Can't you be somewhere you're needed for once, court jester?"

"I AM where I'm needed, good knight!" Dagonet cheerfully responded, plopping down into a cheap hospital chair. Kay didn't say anything, so he kept going. "You look miserable, and I'm a court jester! Tell me anything! It's not like anything I say or know matters!"

Obviously that was a lie, but it was his favorite way to bait out information. As a Royal Jester, he really wasn't allowed to get in trouble for anything he did- Jester's privilege! Nobody ever suspected him when information got leaked, either- Why would they? He's just a funny little guy!

Despite this, Kay didn't take the obvious bait, to Dagonet's surprise. Kay just shook his head and looked at the floor.

Okay, fine. The hard way it was. He trusted Kay with this kind of information.

"Just tell me who messed you up so I can shank 'em," Dagonet plainly stated, causing Kay's gaze to immediately snap to Dagonet. Confusion was clear in Kay's eyes, so Dagonet leaned forward and templed his hands together.

"You heard me, bucko! Work is work!"

Kay shook his head again before responding, clearly very uncomfortable.

"Don't worry about it. Nobody did anything to me. It ain't fine, but it ain't your business. And you ain't making jokes about it."

Dagonet stopped asking about that. New course of action, then. Kay always had something to complain about, so he may as well enable it.

"What DO you wanna talk about then?"

"Oh, let me tell you! I'm gonna kill Grif, that's for sure! He keeps ditching me!" ---- -------- Absolutely none of the information Dagonet got from Kay was of use. At least half of what Kay told him was completely without context. What the hell was "Orb-Dad", and was he meant to be concerned about it? Probably not, if Kay wasn't. Oop, he'd stopped listening. Better tune back in.

"---And that stupid little gremlin Avenger, too. What part of "Don't do that" did he not get? He got what he goddamn deserved."

Jingling, Dagonet tilted his head.

"Go on? Go on, Sir Kay, what'd he do?"

"The stupid gremlin Avenger set off Marhaus in a crowded room, that's what he goddamn did. You can't--"

Kay cut himself off and took a quick look around, as if making sure someone wasn't present. As soon as he was certain, he continued speaking.

"You can't mention Tristan in front of Marhaus. It sets him off, which is stupid 'cause he can see and talk to Tristan just fine. I don't fuckin' know."

That was new information. Dagonet hadn't even known that Marhaus had manifested. He'd have to visit him later. He liked Marhaus.

"And there was another Berserker?" Dagonet guessed, "Add only said a Mad Dog was there, so that means Sir Lancelot, right? Our favorite rabid weapons dog?"

Kay nodded, looking frustrated.

"Add wasn't supposed to say shit, but yeah. Lancelot panicked and lost his shit. Beat the hell out of Marhaus with a birdcage. Everybody else was just tryin' to separate them-"

"And you?" Dagonet cut in, raising his eyebrows. Kay responded by just looking MORE frustrated and looking at the ground. Clearly, something had gone wrong.

"I tried to keep them apart, didn't go so well," Kay stated, not looking up, "I don't trust you with the rest, and I ain't tellin' you."

That was fair, Dagonet figured. Okay, fine. Time to bust out the trump card statement!

"You can trust me! You're super important to our King, so I wouldn't betray you," he announced, sincerely smiling. What he said was completely true-- The King would hate if anything happened to Kay. Kay didn't seem to agree, crossing his arms and looking at the wall.

"I wasn't the last time I saw you," Kay muttered, furrowing his brow. He seemed to realize what he said a moment later, and quickly followed it with "Don't worry about it, loser."

Dagonet knew EXACTLY what he was referring to. There was no way he wouldn't. He remembered that entire incident clear as day, even if most of the knights involved didn't. The only incident where Kay wasn't favored by the King was the Camelot singularity, where they'd both gotten slain by the Lion King's forces. Dagonet knew he immediately had to comment on this, or his chance to talk about it would be lost.

"Maybe she didn't, but after that whole speech, Sir Kay? I was certainly following you. You were right, of course! That wasn't our King."

Kay froze. Dagonet had hit the nail on the head! It WAS what Kay had been talking about! If it hadn't, Dagonet had been prepared to brush it off as "shenanigans", but he didn't have to.

"That shit completely ruined me," Kay quietly admitted, looking back at the floor, "Stained my Spirit Origin and everything. I can't even fight well anymore."

Dagonet decided then and there that he'd need to assassinate both the Lancer and Ruler versions of their King, even if they weren't the same entity. Lancer Alter would be on thin ice. On second thought, maybe he shouldn't. Eh, this is the kind of situation where the simulator shined.

"Okay!" Dagonet finally responded, startling Kay, "Then don't! No one needs to know, Seneschal! Just call me if you need help! If I'm not busy, I'll be there faster than you can blink!"

Kay hadn't expected that, judging by his facial expression. Kay also hadn't expected the sudden splattering of blood against and under the door, which caused him to yelp and cover his face with his hands. To be fair, Dagonet hadn't expected that either, and was quick to go check what had caused it.

"What the hell is up with today...?" Kay groaned, miserable. He already felt incredibly sick, and incredibly lightheaded. He turned his head and shifted a hand to look at Dagonet, but Dagonet had completely vanished without a sound. The idea that Sir Dagonet the jester- Who jingled as often as possible- was able to move that silently startled Kay out of the near-faint. He quickly put his head back into his hands, as the smell started getting to him. But... How absurd.... No, he just definitely missed Dagonet leaving, right? There was no way-

"I'm back!" Dagonet announced, suddenly back at Kay's side, ignoring how badly he startled his fellow knight. "Sorry, I went to check out what that was about! You wanna go somewhere else? You're allowed to leave, I asked!"

"I don't wanna see what happened out there," Kay grumbled, moving his eyepatch to his other eye. Blood wouldn't register if everything was monochrome (he thought, lying to himself). ---- -------- They ended up leaving anyway, with Dagonet physically picking up Kay and carrying him into a clean hallway so that Kay didn't need to look. Neither of them addressed this when Dagonet put Kay down, and no one else commented on it.

"That funny little Avenger came back for round two," Dagonet now explained, jingling and stifling laughter, "Like he didn't expect what was gonna happen? What a joke Servant he is!"

The Avenger's karma had caught up to him. He'd attempted to set off a different Berserker, only to be one-shot in retaliation. He hadn't even bled all that much, Dagonet had quickly noticed, but he opted not to mention this part. Clearly, Kay didn't want that sort of information. (That, and Dagonet wasn't even sure what the black substance was. Was.... Was that Grail Mud? Was that what it looked like up close? He didn't want to ask.)

"Get fucked, idiot," was Kay's entire response. Dagonet agreed with that sentiment.

"If he could, he probably wouldn't be causing problems for the rest of us!"

Kay nearly snorted, and Dagonet puffed out his chest. He was definitely still funny. ---- -------- "There you are."

Sir Griflet entered scene, looking like he'd been murdered at least twice over. But not a speck of blood on him, Dagonet immediately noticed, which was either pure luck or very intentional.

"I beat B.B.," was Griflet's entire explanation.

"Yeah, and you ditched me in a room full of Berserkers," Kay shot back, clearly irritated, "Guess who got fucked over in that exchange!"

Griflet stared at him, taking a moment to load a response that wasn't "I'll rip them to shreds".

"You?"

"Great job!! Wow!!" Kay responded with an inappropriate amount of exaggerated sarcasm, all of which flew over Griflet's head, "You did it! You acknowledged that I got fucked over!"

Dropping the sarcasm, Kay bitterly added "Now stop ditching me! If something actually happens to me, you're fucked!"

Dagonet suddenly felt like this was a very common complaint of Kay's, and that it wasn't exclusive to today. He opted to activate his Presence Concealment and just, leave. He'd helped out enough today. Kay could deal with this part himself. ---- -------- Eventually, Dagonet was able to get a FULL explanation of what had happened in that room. He asked the dual Lancelots, and apparently both had been present- Not just Berserker, as he'd been previously lead to believe.

Angra Mainyu- The Avenger- had been trying to set off a Berserker for the better part of an hour, having expressed a desire for bloodshed. All of the Berserkers (and Saber Lancelot) had JUST started ignoring him when Angra managed to find Sir Marhaus' trigger by complete accident, getting himself completely obliterated on the spot. Berserker Lancelot had panicked, but Saber Lancelot had initially held him back from doing anything he'd regret later (which would be literally anything in that situation, the Lancelots made sure to note). Kay had intended to do the same, but had collapsed from lightheadedness before he could. The scorch marks on the wall near him had been from his own hands- He'd originally intended to scare Angra off, but never got the chance to.

Gray had entered around this point, slipping past the Servants who had very quickly opted to leave this situation before it could get worse. Saber Lancelot quickly asked her to find help, so she placed Add's birdcage down next to Kay and hurried out. Nobody wanted to get involved in that, apparently, explaining why she probably got back so late.

At this point, Angra had managed to revive himself. Thinking himself to be a real comedian, he intentionally set Marhaus off a second time and immediately bailed, leaving the Lancelots to deal with the explosive fallout. Finally, Saber had released Berserker, and Berserker spotted Add's cage. Needless to say, that caused more bloodshed, but it ended the threat. Pain stopped Marhaus, Saber emphasized. That was important information, even for a little jester like Dagonet.

At that point, Saber had dragged Marhaus out of the room, intending to get him medical assistance. Berserker, not thinking properly, had just followed them.

Now there was only one blank spot in the story left- Add and whatever he wasn't mentioning. ---- -------- "Now, don't ya worry about that! Lets just say I performed a pseudo-personality sync and I saw some stuff that ain't getting removed from my archives! I ain't built to... Maybe I am? I ain't gonna look at that!"

This explained nothing, but good enough. Thanks, Add.

[brother-emperors]

DO NOT BE AFRAID

this is combining Ovid's Heroides and the Excidium Troie because I can't stop thinking of Hermes telling him not to be afraid. what the fuck!! Ares is wearing the crown that Paris gave him.

I have. thoughts. about Paris. he's almost got this Troilos parallel in my mind, that the event that defines him in detail exists in a lost narrative that we don't have (the Cypria), but everyone else knew. the event that defines Troilos is his death (murdered, butchered by Achilles, the violence of which haunts everything after. Achilles, child killer, you can't escape that!), and the event that defines Paris is the Judgement. what's a lost text but a kind of grave!!

idk I don't think that Paris before the Judgement would recognize himself after bc when you become god touched, it rearranges your guts. you become transformed in the worst way possible! how could you recognize yourself! but I also think that all the Parises after the Judgement would recognize each other because that event is so locked into the trauma of war and the scar it leaves on the land, it's like a scar on the narrative too. it exists like this forever, over and over again, so you exist like that forever too. Troy collects grief and despairs.

Troy as trauma: Reflections on intergenerational transmission and the locus of trauma, Andromache Karanika

and Paris is like. a miserable little god/corpse-puppet or something, like a match for the gods to throw onto gasoline.

The Excidium Troie + Ovid's Heroides:

Excidium Troie, trans. Muhammad Syarif Fadhlurrahman

Ovid, Heroides 16 (trans. Harold Isbell)

a collection of things regarding Paris that made me go 😬 but under a cut bc this is getting. very long.

The Divine Twins in Early Greek Poetry, Corolla Torontonensis

Iliad 24 and the Judgement of Paris, C.J. Mackie

Elegy and Epic and the Recognition of Paris: Ovid "Heroides" 16, Elizabeth Forbis Mazurek

Ennian Influence in "Heroides" 16 and 17, Howard Jacobson

Paris/Alexandros in the "Iliad", I. J. F. de Jong

[tianhai03]

didnt have the time to do a full finished drawing, but i tried to keep up with my tradition for redrawing the same good bro day drawing ive done for 3 years already :')

(last year's, which also has links to prev years as well)

[mythuna]

POE NEW CARD!!

[fauxbia]

Okay!!! Finally (Finally, this has been months in the making and redone several times) I made a lineup of my Iterator designs!!! They're done and I'm really happy with them.

Misc headcanons under the cut

All: Asexual, Trans

Looks To The Moon: She/Her, Demiromantic Lesbian

Five Pebbles: He/Him, Greyromantic MLM

No Significant Harassment: They/Sometimes He, Aromantic

Seven Red Suns: They/Them, Demiromantic Bi

Moon and NSH are both Gen 1. NSH was Moon’s first junior and friend, and they are extremely close because of it.

Suns is early Gen 2 and was created by a particularly aesthetically inclined group, resulting in their slightly more ornate clothing.

Pebbles is put off by NSH’s humor, thinking that if they’re a Gen 1, then shouldn’t they act like it?

NSH’s humor is actually sourced from their life experience. They’re relatively comfortable with themself and know how to see the bright side in most situations. (Moon’s collapse not being one of them. They were completely devastated; even moreso once assigned Senior in her stead.)

Moon loves Pebbles and wants him to be happy and healthy. He thinks she’s too overbearing, but loves her too deep down.

[swordmaid]

brienne but she's wearing 1949 cocteau's beauty and the beast inspired fit!!! this is the inspo pic i used if ur curious.

gonna be posting more of this redesign thing (and also jaime's ver) some time in the future but i just wanted to share this one <3