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lovemesomesurveys · 2 years

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This past year... who were your favorite singers, musicians, or bands? I really didn’t listen to much music last year, but there’s a few songs I liked and that stood out for me such as Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush, I Like You by Post Malone, About Damn Time by Lizzo, Goo Goo Muck by the Cramps, and Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga. A few TikTok songs, too.

what were some of your favorite foods? Well, last year was rough and I wasn’t enjoying food a whole lot at the beginning of the year. In fact, it was actually hard for me to eat. Then for 3 months in the hospital I was unable to eat or drink anything and could only have this formula stuff through a feeding tube. That was a really rough time. When I finally got home, I could only eat a few soft foods, including mashed potatoes and gravy which I ate a ton of for like a month and a half lol. When I finally moved up to being able to eat whatever, my obsession became Taco Bell. I eat that 5 days a week :X I’m also seriously obsessed with Reese’s. Oh, and I may be slowly getting back into my Wingstop obsession, ha.

what was your favorite dessert? Reese’s for sure for the past few months, but before that when I could only eat soft foods I was really into ice cream and cheesecake.

what was the best thing that happened to you? While my time in the hospital was long, hard, stressful, and scary, it ultimately ended up being the best thing for me. Making that decision truly saved my life and put me in the right direction to get back on track. Making it through the year and working on my health has definitely been the best thing that happened. To be perfectly honest, there was a time in the beginning when it looked like I might not stand a chance. I was so much worse than I ever thought.

what was the worst thing that happened to you? My health decline for sure. Like I’ve said many times, I was in really bad shape and it was a very rough time. It wasn’t looking good for me. I’m still dealing with a lot and have quite a ways to go, but I’ve come further than I was then and have made a lot of improvements.

how have you grown as a person? Honestly, I feel like I’ve kind of regressed and feel stunted. I just kind of feel stuck if that makes that sense. It’s like everything has been put on hold since my health issues began. Last year feels like it was completely stolen. I have a lot of growing up to do still even as a 33 year old woman. A lot of catching up to do. There’s still much I need to work on and be more responsible about.

what have you learned? You shouldn’t put off things that have to do with your health. You can’t just ignore shit and hope it goes away. Sometimes things may get better on their own, but some things can end up progressing and becoming so much worse. It’s best to get it checked out because it could literally cost you your life. I also need to work on really hearing and considering the advice given to me and stop thinking I know better or more. I need to learn not to let my fears dictate everything. I had been in denial in regards to how bad things actually were. God gave me another chance and I need to do something with it.

how old did you turn? I turned 33.

what did you do for your birthday? I was in the hospital unable to eat, drink, or do anything really so that sucked. My mom was really sweet, though, and brought big balloons and birthday hats for us to wear. My brother also brought me big balloons. My dad was able to come by for a couple hours after work to spend some time with me. My family did the best they could given the situation to try and bring me some joy.

what did you accomplish? Making it through the year and making improvements.

where did you live? At my house and the hospital for a few months.

who was your best friend? My mom and brother.

This past year, have you.... made a new friend? No.

lost a friend? No. I didn’t have any friends, so there was no one to lose.

made a new best friend? No.

lost someone close to you? No.

attended a funeral? No.

attended a wedding? No.

gave birth to a child? 🤰 Nooo.

"came out of the closet"? No. It’s not a secret that I’m straight.

traveled? I did back in March and April. felt depressed? 😔 Of course. I have chronic depression and last year certainly didn’t help. It was a very low time.

felt suicidal? 😔

felt happy? 😃 At many points throughout the year. I’m largely healed now which is great.

felt at peace? 😊 With certain decisions I made in the hospital.

felt overjoyed? 💃 No.

felt blessed? 😇 Absolutely. I’m still here because of God.

felt amazed? 🤩 No.

fallen in love? 😍 No.

had your heart broken? 💔 Yes, a few times and not just in the romantic sense.

got a new car? 🚗 No.

graduated? 👩‍🎓 No.

experienced something miraculous? ✨ Yes.

had a better year than last year? In a way. Like, in the sense that I finally took some things seriously and did some things I should have done awhile ago to help get better. It took a lot to get me there, though, and it definitely wasn’t easy. I still have work to do, but I’m so blessed to even still be here and be given that chance. There’s been good changes.

had a worse year than last year? I’d also consider it the worst year of my life. I can’t believe things were as bad as they were and ended up in the hospital for so long. I can’t believe all that happened while I was there. My life changed so much to say the least and I’m not in the clear, yet. While there’s been some improvements, I’m also still having a hard time with some things. Apart from my health, I’m also struggling with being bedridden and missing out on life.

been to see the doctor? 👨‍⚕️ Yeah, several times. I also saw a ton of doctors in the hospital.

been to the hospital? 🏥 I think I’ve made that pretty clear.

had a severe allergic reaction? 🤧 No.

had COVID? 🦠 Yes, but fortunately I was asymptomatic.

found out someone you knew had COVID? 🦠 My parents, brother, my aunt, my grandparents, and my cousin all got hit with it. used an epi pen? 💉 No.

had a fever? 🥵 Yes.

had a migraine? 🧠 No.

gone on a date? 🌹 No.

written in a journal or diary? 📔 Yes. My mom had gotten me one with various prompts to give me something to do in the hospital.

given someone a hug? 🤗 Yeah.

cut your hair? 💇‍♀️ No.

danced around your living room? 💃 No.

prayed? 🙏 Yes, a lot.

worshiped Jesus? Yes.

read the Bible? 📖 Yes.

discovered a new favorite book? 📕 Yeah, a few.

gone to church? ⛪️ I’ve only been able to watch the livestreams.

went for a walk in the fall? 🍁 No.

set up and decorated a Christmas tree? 🎄 We had our tree up, but I wasn’t able to help.

threw up? 🤮 Yes.

almost threw up? 🤢 Yes.

discovered a new music artist you really liked? 🎤 I did.

discovered a new song you really liked? 🎶 Yeah, a few. seen snow? ⛄️ No.

seen beautiful fall foliage? 🍁 No.

gone to the beach? 🏝 Yeah, a few times at the beginning of the year. I was supposed to go a few times in the summer, but.... :/

rode a bike? 🚴 No.

rode a horse? 🐎 No.

swam? 👙 No. It’s been over a decade since I’ve swam.

worn makeup? 💄 Nope.

done a craft project? Yeah. I did a couple for Easter and then a few a couple weekends ago with my aunt.

made a scrapbook page? No.

written an essay? 📝 No.

painted something? 🎨 Yes. The craft projects I said I did involved painting.

drawn something? ✍️ Yeah, some random little doodles.

sketched in a sketchbook? ^^^

written someone a letter? 📝 No.

been to a concert? 👩‍🎤 No. I haven’t been to a concert since 2009. :( I miss them.

driven a car? 🚘 No.

kayaked? 🛶 No.

gone on a cruise? 🚢 No.

made a big purchase? Well, purchases when I did my Christmas shopping.

moved to a new home? 🏡 No. My family and I really want to move, though.

got a new pet? No.

lost a pet? No.

gotten a tattoo? No.

gotten a new piercing? No.

started a new hobby? Not a new one, but I briefly got back into one I hadn’t done in awhile, which was bracelet making.

worn a mask? 😷 Yeah, whenever I went somewhere.

felt afraid to leave your house? I still worry about COVID. I rarely go anywhere now due to being bedridden.

celebrated your birthday alone? No.

celebrated Christmas alone? No.

went for a long walk through the neighborhood? No.

Favorites of this Year (Pick one for each.) Song: I already listed them in the first question, but I’ll give you my top 3: Goo Goo Muck by The Cramps, Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga, and Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush.

Book: I didn’t read nearly as much last year as I usually do, but the few I read from a couple series I’ve been reading I enjoyed.

TV show: Oh man, I watched and obsessed over so many shows last year. If I had to give my top 3 I’d say Stranger Things, Wednesday, and Daredevil. There’s several more I could include as well. When I was in the hospital I binged a ton of shows.

Youtube channel: Several ASMR channels, a couple vloggers, and a couple Disney channels.

Food: I answered this already as well, but I’d say my biggest obsessions were mashed potatoes and gravy, Taco Bell, and Reese’s.

Dessert: Reese’s and cheesecake.

Drink: International Delight iced caramel macchiato, Starbucks Doubleshot energy drinks, and the peppermint white chocolate mocha from Starbucks.

Friend: I don’t have any friends.

Thing you did: The beach trips I had at the beginning of the year.

Place you went: ^^^

Person you spend time with: My mom and brother.

Thing you did for your birthday: I talked about what I did for my birthday, which unfortunately was spent in the hospital so I couldn’t do much, but I did get to spend it with my family.

Celebrity: Alexander Skarsgard of course, but I have a few new favorites as well such Sebastian Stan, Oscar Isaac, Pedro Pascal, and Jenna Ortega.

Website: Tumblr and YouTube.

Emojis: I use the laughing face with the tears, the goofy one with the tongue sticking out, and the slanted sad face emojis most often.

Colors: Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow.

Restaurant: I haven’t gone out to eat in quite awhile, but my favorite takeout is Taco Bell and Wingstop.

Tea flavor ☕️: Peppermint or chamomile. Final Questions!

Would you say this past year has been a good year overall? I’ve talked about how I felt about last year in great length already.

What are your goals for the new year? To continue working on my health and making improvements and hopefully be able to do some things as well as a little traveling again.

How old will you turn next year? This is meant for 2023, in which case I’ll be 34.

Did you make any big mistakes this past year? I made huge mistakes.

Do you have any big changes coming? I really hope big positive changes are coming my way.

How will you be celebrating New Year's Eve this year? I hung out with my aunt and watched the NYE stuff on TV.

What was the best day of this year for you, and why? I mean, as scary and awful my time in the hospital was, it saved my life and led to good things, so I’d have to say the day I finally admitted myself was ultimately the best in that regard. The day I finally came home from the hospital was another, and the day I finally was able to start eating and drinking normally again was as well.

What did you spend the most time doing this year? Trying to get better.

#long year in review of 2022 survey #I do a lot of rambling in this one and repeat myself a lot #last year was a rough one #personal #text #survey #surveys

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imdoingsortagay · 2 years

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I’m a free woman

Summary: Taking your girlfriend to one of her favorite artists concert

Warnings: Lady Gaga concert, Fluff, Eve with the FIT, so cute and so gay

word count: 5.1k

a/n: i went to see Lady Gaga live recently🥺🥺🥺 and omg the energy of the stadium was amazing and I can’t help but think it’d be cute to take sweet sweet eve to see lady Gaga so BAM, also if you see that my next couple of fics are inspired by another Gaga song, no you didn’t ❤️❤️❤️

When you find out that Lady Gaga is touring this year and that she’s going to be like an hour away, you make it your mission to get tickets to her concert. No matter what it takes! You knew that she’d freak out if she got to see Lady Gaga live, and frankly after the last couple of years, her dealing with her son going to college and him being a total asshole to her, this was something she needed. Your lovely girlfriend of 3 years was one of the biggest Gaga Stan’s you knew. Eve was a bit scared at first telling you this information, afraid you’d think she was lame for being a fan of Gaga since it’s something that most of the youth today listen to. From what she told you, her music was there to cheer her up when life seemed to challenge her or fuck with her. She never really told anyone besides Julian and Amanda when she first started being friends with them but was met with nothing but positive reactions when she found out they were also fans of lady gags too. The way that you found out this information was really funny and cute. So when you go to her house one day with some food you got on the way and saw her in the living room dancing to Stupid Love by Lady Gaga, you couldn’t help but smile at how adorable she looked. You even quietly placed the food in the kitchen to join her in the impromptu dance party she decided to join. It was so adorable to see how excited she got and you knew she would freak out if she got the chance to see her perform. The moment that ticket sales date was announced you made sure to save every penny and work as much overtime as you can at work to get the best seats in the stadium.

Eve didn’t question the sudden amount of hours thrown on you but was sad that she could only spend a couple of minutes with you before you had to go to each of your respective jobs.

For the next couple of weeks, it was seeing Eve for a good five minutes before you had to leave and many cute texts between the two of you, your girlfriend leaving you some dinner before she had to sleep. You felt bad about the lack of time you got to spend with her but at the end of this, it would be worth it at the end when you see her reaction and the loads of fun you’ll both have.

2 weeks of the same routine later and you get your check, put it in the bank, and see that you have earned enough from working all those hours to buy two-floor seats at the front of the stage. Once you got home, you quickie head to your computer to buy the two tickets for the both of you and order some of her favorite food as a way to surprise her when she gets home.

As you were preparing the surprise for your girlfriend, Eve was driving home back from work, a bit sad because she just wants to hug you, cuddle you, and overall want to be closer to you. She understood very much that work and school were important to you but felt bad that the both of you have only seen each other for a good 5 minutes, maybe 10 if you got up earlier than usual to get ready. She didn't want to be back home and have the house all to herself like she was years ago before she met you and fell in love with you. Never again did Eve want to be as lonely as she did after her son left her home to go to school.

What Eve doesn’t know is that you're at home waiting for some Chinese food from her favorite restaurant to come on time. Her work schedule was something that you memorized very well so as long as it came through within a good 15 minutes that was all fine with you. Luckily for you, it arrives 5 minutes before she gets home so that you can set everything up all nicely for her. All you can do right now is wait for her as patiently as you can to give her all of your attention.

10 minutes later you can hear her car pull up in the driveway and make sure to get into position ( cheesy pose to make her giggle) for when she comes in. To Eve’s surprise, she sees your car in the driveway and was a bit confused since she assumed that you’d be at work by now. Either way, Eve collects her things from the car and starts to think about what she might make for dinner tonight, what she might spend her Friday night doing, and so on. What she doesn’t expect to see is you on her couch all comfy.

“ y/n,” she says excitingly at seeing you and she immediately drops everything in her hands so she can hug you, afraid that maybe this is her mind playing some mean trick on you but she’s happy to confirm that it’s you in front of her.

Eve begins to give you kisses all over your face and you begin to giggle at how adorable your girlfriend is, happy to see her reaction to seeing you. If a couple more weeks of you pushing yourself at work would have happened, there was no way Eve wouldn’t be mad at you.

“ Oh my god y/n, I thought that you were supposed to work today, I was missing you so much in the last couple of weeks,” Eve says as she cuddles next to you, never wanting to leave you at this moment. At that moment Eve looked so fucking cute cuddling as close as she can to you and your heart melts because she was so cute.

“ Well,” you start,” I have a surprise for you, babe, I’ve been working a lot in the past couple of weeks for this, I know that we haven’t been seeing each other for the past couple of weeks and I feel bad about it”. Eve hums in acknowledgment before wondering what might be the surprise is. Surprises were never anything fun and she hoped that it wasn’t bad as the last “ surprise “ she got was when her son had left for college and sent back cookies she had baked for him all night and since that day, any sort of surprise was very much ruined for her.

She didn't even see that you had gotten some of her favorite food from town before she gets off of you and walks over to the kitchen table and is again excited for food. Eve’s excitement about food works in your favor as you pull up the Ticketmaster app to show her the tickets. Eve questions what you might be doing on your phone but after a couple of seconds, you give her your phone for her to look at, and to say that she was excited would have been an understatement because she had the cutest and biggest smile on her face. Weeks of working long hours, dealing with boring coworkers, and getting no sleep at all were out of your mind, the only thing at this moment was the smile on Eve’s face not to mention some tears that you got her tickets to see what she considers one of her favorite artists ever on this planet.

“ Lady Gaga babe ?”

“ yep, “ you say excitingly.

“ You got me tickets to see gaga?” she asks again, in total disbelief that you got her these tickets, and you nod.

Before you know it, Eve is doing her little happy dance, over the moon that she’ll get to see her live and after her dancing, she gives you another hug as a thank you. Making sure to also give you many kisses as well.

“ Is this why you were working all those crazy hours babe? “ She says and the realization on Eve’s face breaks your heart because here she was thinking the worst would happen but you were just saving up money. Both of you stay close to each other in a sweet embrace, happy to be there.

“ I wanted to get something for my best girl,” you say to Eve, who doesn’t hide the way she’s crying and places more kisses on your face. Nobody in her life before you came alone would have put in so much work to get something expensive as the tickets and she was so excited about the concert.

That night, Eve is happy to see you all happy and relaxed to be home and never fails to stay close to you as the both of you cuddle up together watching tv in the living room watching a couple of baking shows, having an impromptu dance battle against each other and cuddling her while she reads one of her books and ending the night with holding each other close.

Eve sleeping with a dorky grin on her face, too excited for the next couple of weeks to go by quickly so that she could be at the concert.

Over the next couple of weeks, both of you planned out everything for the day of the concert, what time the both of you would leave home, the outfits each of you would wear, and so on. Both of you wanted this plan to go as well as possible to avoid it being stressful. When it comes to your relationship, Eve tends to be the one to plan stuff and you were very happy for her to plan the day for the both of you, asking for your input as well so that she wasn’t dictating everything. As always, you assured your girlfriend that it was cute to see her plan out the day and were very much happy with her planning everything.

After all of the constant hours you had been working at your job, the manager happily gave you three days off to relax and it fits perfectly with the plan that Eve had. She wanted to try to recreate one of Gaga’s outfits from her music videos to fit in with everyone else but sadly did not have time due to work.

“ We got everything for tomorrow babe?” You ask Eve as she walks around the house, making sure to check that everything is in place, all the windows are closed, and she checks her bag again to be sure she isn’t anything that’s on her list.

“ My bag is fine babe,” she says as she grabs her bag from the couch,” Did you make sure to have everything on you, babe?”

A quick check of your bag to see that the only thing you are missing is a hairbrush so you quickly run into the house before Eve even has the chance to close it ( it scared her a bit ), grab your favorite hairbrush from the bathroom and run out of the house again past a confused Even who closes and locks the door to get on the passenger side of the car.

“ Ready to head over to New Jersey to see gaga?” you ask and she nods excitingly. The drive to new jersey was not too bad as the both of you jammed out to the songs on your playlist, making sure to add some of Gaga’s greatest hits as well to make the drive go faster. Eve looking out the window while you drive the both of you there, the older woman sometimes taking some naps and trying her very best to stay away from you.

“ Eve you know it’s fine if you sleep on the way to the hotel,” you tell her in her lousy attempt to stay up with you, the music on low in the car. There was only a good 40 minutes left before the both of you would be at the hotel but Eve decided it would be fine to stay up and then sleep at the hotel not to mess up her sleeping schedule.

“ I would rather stay up with my y/n,” she mumbles as she feels herself falling asleep, which you find cute and after a couple of minutes the woman to your right is fast asleep. As much as you loved her, there was no way that Eve would be able to stay up for long hours and respect that she had a good sleeping schedule compared to yours. As Eve slept as peacefully as she could in the passenger seat, you were listening to some music while driving and were feeling excited for the next day to come.

The next 40 minutes go by as you listen to music and hum to the tune. Before you know it, google maps notifies you that you arrived at the hotel. It had been Eve’s idea to get a hotel as close to the venue as possible but if there wasn’t anything available, then a good 10-minute walk would be fine for the both of you. Eve had ended up finding a cute little hotel that’s about a 5-minute walk from the MetLife stadium that was perfect for you to stay at and booked it right away before it wasn't available.

Parking was hard to find since many people must have stayed in surrounding hotels in the area to avoid traffic and it took longer than usual to get a spot. After 20 minutes of driving around and you are finally able to get a spot, getting in quickly before anyone else does and you wake up your girlfriend who’s still peacefully sleeping in the passenger seat. She looks so cute sleeping and you don’t want to wake her up but there’s so no way she could be comfy sleeping in a car. You gently wake up Eve, who’s confused at where the fuck the both of you are before thinking a bit.

She must have had a good sleep from what you could tell.

“ Are we at the hotel y/n?” she asks you as she rubs her eyes to adjust from the light of the parking lot.

“ We still have to walk in and get the room keys Eve,” you tell her and she groans in disappointment, just wanting to sleep but at least the hotel isn’t too far. Too tired to nag about it, Eve gets out of the car to help you get all your stuff together so the both of you can head inside the hotel.

The receptionist was very understanding about the check-in time, not wanting to waste your time with small talk, and quickly gets the both of you out of the lobby to your room. Eve had made sure to splurge a bit on the room as she wanted to treat you to something nice and she smiled as you saw the reaction to the room but most of all the reaction to seeing the bed. Not even giving yourself time to look around and running to the bed so you can get some hours of sleep. Eve was very happy that she recommended wearing comfy stuff on the drive to the hotel to avoid having to change.

“ oh so cute,” she mumbles to herself seeing you on the bed sleeping soundly, and gets your bags to the corner of the room. Eve feeling very tired gets out of her shoes and makes her way to you so that she can cuddle with you.

“ you asleep yet honey?” She asks you and when she gets no response back, Eve slowly but surely falls asleep, with excitement running through her bones with what the next day will bring.

The next day

The first thing that you see when you wake up in sunlight and are aware of what time it is is before looking at the other side of the bed and seeing it’s empty. Wondering what time it even is you grab your phone to see what time it is and see that it’s only 10 am but also wonder where Eve might be.

There’s no text from her and you don’t see her in the room but your question is answered when the older woman comes through the front door with 2 coffees in her right hand and a bag in her left.

“ so they didn’t have much for breakfast here but I managed to find a cute little breakfast place and I got us some food!” She tells you, easily managing to not spill the coffees in the cup holder.

“ so what time did you wake up babe ?”

“8 am, “ she says.

“ And you didn’t sleep in,” you say, a little sad because she’s always been an early bird type of person compared to you and wanted some of her famous eve fletcher cuddles.

“ honey,” she starts as she makes her way to you,” I promise that I’ll sleep in tomorrow after the concert right now I’m just so excited for today.”

There was no fact that Eve was so excited for this concert, the last time you had seen her this excited was when she brought you to the craft store for knitting supplies, which was adorable. Eve looks so cute right now smiling like an idiot, in turn, it makes you smile because you were making memories with the best person ever. And you knew I’m your heart that the woman sitting across from you felt the same in her heart too.

A couple of minutes go by where you look at each other with love and affection before Eve makes the move, slowly leaning into you before kissing you with so much passion. Eve is the one to take the lead as she quickly gets in your laps to get closer to you, always wanting to feel your touch at all times and you gladly give her that as she feels your hands roam around her body, mostly to her hips to keep her in place

“ someone’s horny, “ you say before moving your kisses to her neck and she gladly accepts.

“ This should be fun,” she says before you switch positions to have her under your body

30 minutes later.

“ y/n honey come and eat your food,” she says to you as you walk out of the bathroom in only one of her T-shirts, and she can’t help but stare at how pretty you look in her clothes.

“ did you get French toast?”

“ yep, and an iced coffee for you to go along with it,” she says as she continues to eat her breakfast, a stack of pancakes with some syrup while looking at her phone.

While you were sleeping peacefully, Eve had been looking online for more information on when it’s the best time to get to the concert since the tickets were put tickets and both of you were in no mood to wait in line for too long. She had seen there were no openers so it meant both of you had time to buy food and merch before the concert started.

“ what time did you wanna leave the hotel ?” You ask her taking a bite of the French toast, letting out a small moan at how amazing this taste and making your girlfriend giggle.

“ I’d say since we aren’t too far from the stadium I’d say around 6 pm to get in the VIP line, then it gives us time to find our seats, get merch food and then find our seats,” she explains to you while you listen carefully to her plan.

“ what’s the bag policy Eve?”

“ no backpack but yes on purses”

“ We bringing the reusable one tho ?”

“ yep,” she says continuing to eat her food and looking at her phone for more information.

Breakfast goes by quickly as you and Eve enjoy this time together, eating. Laughing and talking more about plans for later. There was no way that the both of you could go out exploring the city and opted to stay in the hotel til it came time to get ready and leave. Which was easily agreed upon as it meant more time together for cuddling and some well-needed Netflix time.

Also meant that Eve got to choose what you’d both watch and she chose the Great British baking show, a good choice in your option

. A couple of episodes and a season of the show later, the alarm on Eve’s phone rings and signals her that it’s time to get ready.

“4:30 pm already?” You ask her.

“ Yeah honey,” she yells from the shower.

Helping Eve get ready was a fun process as she wasn’t the best when it came to her makeup skill but lucky for her you knew how to do a couple of cute eye looks and made sure to choose colors that go with her outfit. She chose to go with a simple gaga T-shirt that was given to her by you for her birthday, a pair of shorts as the weather called for it, and just some pair of converse. Not wanting to go all out she chose a simple eye look to go with her shirt. After Eve was done getting ready it was time for you to get ready, which didn’t take long and once you came out of the shower in your outfit, there was no denying how hot you looked. Eve had to stop herself from pouncing on you as there wasn’t much time to get ready before having to leave..

“ Holy fuck babe,” Eve says as she looks at the outfit you looked at. You had taken some inspiration for Lady Gaga’s “john Wayne “ music video as it was the easier one to recreate with such little time. She had never seen the pink cowboy hat you were wearing but either way was enjoying the recreation of the outfit so much.

“ You like it babe?” you say as you spin in a circle to show her the complete fit and leave her in shock at the detail in everything.

“ How did you even get all of the detail like babe this is amazing,” she says grabbing your hands to spin you and look at everything, okay not that she just loves admiring you so much and it’s something you don't mind.

“ Amanda helped me actually,” you tell her.

“How?”

“ She has a cousin who’s good at these things and helped me out last minute, “ you tell her. She always was the most fashionably dressed at work and it makes sense you’d go to her. Eve is gonna have to thank her once she gets back to work cause holy hell you look so amazing at the moment. As much as the older woman wants to spend more time talking about your outfit, she decides to help you out with your makeup too, to return the favor of course.

“ pinks and soft colors baby ?” Eve asks you as he looks at the makeup pallet in hand that’s full of an assortment of pinks. You nod to her answer and trust Eve to do what would fit best to the outfit and she does just that.

20 minutes of Eve doing her concentration face, bad jokes made by you and she completes the look. She gets off your lap so that you can go to the mirror and the happiness on your face makes Eve go crazy and feel more confident when it comes to doing makeup.

“ Eve you did amazing,” you say and embrace her in a hug which she accepts right away, never being the one to deny your hugs.

“ y/n what time is it?” She asks you as she gets out of your embrace to collect her items and see that the both of you just finished getting ready on time.

“ it’s time to head over to the stadium Babe,” you tell her as you grab the hotkey and your phone, not needing your wallet since Apple Pay’s usually been the thing you use to pay. Getting out of the hotel is a breeze as Eve practically pulls you away due to the excitement she’s feeling.

“ Someone’s excited, “ you say as Eve pulls you through the crowd of people it seems to be the busier time in the city and you know that she doesn’t want to lose you by accident. Grabbing you from the arms fails so she pulls you closer to her body to hook your arm to yours and the both of you walk to the stadium for a good 5 minutes, seeing the Gaga merch stand at the front. You turn to the woman to your right, who’s amazed to realize that she’s about to see this goddess of a woman live.

It was a good idea to arrive early as the Vip line seemed to be a bit longer than the regular ticket line but not as long as the march line in the front. Most likely there’ll be a couple of merch stands in the stadium before the concert even starts so no rush for the both of you.

The line luckily moves quicker than you expected and before you know it both of you are looking for some food when Eve asks you an important question.

“I know it’s been a while since I’ve seen the tickets but what area are they in?” she asks you in the line for food. When you first got the tickets for the concert, Eve didn’t check the area because at the moment all she could feel was excitement and it just occurred to her now where the seats even were.

“ Well how about we get some food, and shirts from the merch stand, and then we can make our way to where our seats are Eve,” you tell her and the woman tries her best not to act like an excited child at a candy store, doing her very best to seem chill but deep down your girlfriend is so so filled with excitement. Eve offers to pay for the food but as she was getting her wallet from her purse to pay you to beat her to it and she pouts because she wanted to treat you to something nice.

“ My treat Eve and, being with you is already treat enough,” you say which makes her blush right away and hold onto your arm while you grab the food. Never did you think that you’d be in a wonderful relationship, being able to treat her like the queen she is, and yet you never fail to appreciate every moment you spend with her.

There was never a day that Eve always felt all the love, desire, and appreciation from you, even when the both of you are busy. She never got that from her Ex-husband when they were together, her son never seemed to appreciate what his mother had done for him and she thought that she was fated to be alone for the rest of her life after her son left home from school.

And then she met you 3 years ago and she felt appreciated, seen, loved, and desired by you. Eve had someone who made her feel amazing, pretty, sexy, happy, and most of all appreciated. since you had worked long, hard hours at work just to get tickets.

Eve lets herself be taken to the seats in the stadium, walking past different people who were either dressed down in a simple outfit to people who were dressed up in some amazing outfits. As the both of you get closer to the seats on the floor, the amazement that she’ll be only a couple of rows away from the stage makes the older woman jump in glee because this was going to be so amazing.

“ What do you think Eve?” you ask her as the both of you sit down in the seats and she leaves her food on the floor carefully and places more kisses on her lips. She was over the moon at the moment to give a shit if she was kissing you in public, fuck whoever if they decide to tell the both of you to cut it with the PDA.

“ y/n my dear,” she says after pulling away from the kiss to get some air,” You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me”.

“ babe,” you say, feeling yourself start to tear up a bit,” if I wasn’t wearing any sort of makeup I’d be crying right now. I feel the same way Eve”. She giggles at your reaction and holds your hand while the both of you sit together for the concert to start, your girlfriend excitingly waiting with a huge smile on her face as well. You also ended up making a couple of friends as well while waiting, even playing Uno together since you thought it would be a good idea to bring the card game if you got bored playing.

“ Wait did your girlfriend bring Uno cards to a concert,” the woman in front of you asks Eve who only looks at you with a confused look.

“ I don’t even remember when it got in my bag y/n, how the fuck did you do that?” she asks you while the other new friend that both of you made, laughs at what’s happening.

“ I will not reveal my secrets,” you say to her and she can’t help but find you super cute.

An hour later of talking, giggling, eating food, and playing way too many rounds of Uno that it even got a lot of people around you spectating and the concert started. Both of you were excited about this, having been busy for the past couple of weeks, and were happy to get time to de-stress.

During each song, Eve was pulling out all of the dance moves, jumping along with the crowd ( she stretched before avoiding soreness), and singing like nobody’s home. The one song where Eve got excited during the whole concert was a free woman.

Her music throughout the years had helped Eve when she had a hard time with her life and when the chromatica album came out, she was struggling with her insecurities, having her son, her ex coming back into his life and making her be the bad guy in his son’s eyes. The music was there to cheer her up during hard times when she didn’t have you close as you couldn’t go and visit her as well. She was one of many things that helped her continue with each day and Eve sang her heart out at that moment, taking in everything at the concert.

By the end of the concert, Eve was very much full of excitement, glee, and happiness with every song and she could not be more thankful that her wonderful girlfriend gave her the opportunity to do this.

#lizs writing #eve fletcher x reader #eve fletcher #mrs fletcher imagine #kathryn hahn #kathryn hahn imagine

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camb99-cbmi6 · 2 years

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Thank you @vidibit for tagging me to complete this! <3

Name: Cam

Sign: Virgo

Height: 6'1" I think

Time: queued this to post at 6pm

Birthday: September 16th

Favourite bands/artists: I'm more of an individual song/track appreciator than a die hard fan of artists, but some that come to mind are ABBA, Lady Gaga, Carly Rae Jepson, Meghan Trainor, Troye Sivan and John Barry

Last movie: All the way through potentially POTC Dead Man's Chest, I don't recall another since, but I've watched some clips of others

Last show: Currently re-watching The Mentalist

When I created this blog: February 2019 apparently, feels like I've had it a lot longer tho lol

What I post: I don't tend to post too much myself, mostly reblog cat pictures, mutuals selfies and gay stuff

Last thing I Googled: The weather

Other blogs: A couple but none I wish to mention lol

Do I get asks?: Sometimes but I'm not much of a reblogger of "send asks" posts so that's probably why it's not often. My take on it is if somebody wants to ask something then they will, but followers are welcome to send asks if they wish

Following: 421

Followers: 1,088 apparently lol, not entirely sure why or how I got to 1,000 XD

Average hours of sleep: Okay my sleep schedule this year hasn't been great, I reckon probably around 7 if I round up

Instruments: Played guitar a lil as a child, dabble at piano/keyboard too but mostly make virtual music tracks for game dev projects

What I'm wearing: Khaki green t-shirt, grey jeans, charcoal socks (I was gonna post a pic but we're having a non-photogenic day unfortunately lol)

Dream job: Honestly not sure, there are things I would really like to do but I strongly dislike having to do the same thing every single day, which is strange cuz I like routine lol, I can't explain it, but being an actor, train conductor, baker/cake decorator, designer of some sort would all be cool

Dream trip: I'm gonna steal @vidibit's answer here cuz it's a mood lol, would be lovely to travel the globe and meet some of my many friends on here

Nationality: British (regretfully)

Favourite songs: I haven't listened to any songs lately tbh so here's 5 random ones that I picked out of my Spotify:

Last book I read: I believe it was Star Trek Imzadi II but I never actually finished it

People to tag if you wish to participate, @sparkga, @secretly-of-course, @long-life-town@, @duffys, @business-pug, @abyronicgentleperson, and anyone else who wishes to

#Spotify #tag game #cams thoughts #mutuals

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ickle-ronniekins · 3 years

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I couldn’t fit it all in an ask, so I try it this way:

I had my first relationship when I was almost 18 years old. Everybody was surprised when we became a couple and to this day I don’t know why. But whatever - everything was so new. I was his first girlfriend too so we both needed to get the hang out of a relationship, the new feelings while we had to find our own place in this new world with us finishing school, starting work and so on.

When I was 18 I was a completly different person than I am today. I wore a lot of heels, I tried different music, I wore make up every day. And then I started working while he was still in school. I was so tired that we only saw each other on weekends and I didn’t want to wear heels. I wanted my sneakers and I wanted to listen to rock/metal.

At my work I had a coworker, who told me he liked the music I listened to. Who told me I looked good when I wore my chucks. Who told me I looked good with no make up on and my band hoodie. And then I came to my boyfriend after a 12 hour shift and he asked me why I didn’t dress up anymore. He didn’t try it to be mean, but then I noticed that he wanted me to be someone I weren’t. Someone I was at the beginning of the relationship, but that was 6 years ago.

So I ended it. And I’m not gonna lie it hurt like hell. Because we’ve been together for a really long time and I loved his family (I miss his sister so much!) and we had a good time in our relationship. He was hurt, we haven’t talked since then and I think he is married now.

I was single for a while and then I started a relationship with my coworker. Who tells me to this day that I look beautiful without make up, who accepts my nerdy side, who let me decorate our flat with Harry Potter and Marvel things and I am still very much in love with him! Love isn’t easy and love isn’t perfect, we had a lot of trouble in the beginning, we had a lot of trouble in the middle and we had a lot of trouble two years ago. We don’t work together anymore as we realised that wasn’t healthy for our relationship.

We are in a relationship for 7 years now and I really hope that this will last, because now that I look back I noticed that in my first relationship I never felt so comfortable as I do now. I can be myself and he can be himself and we love each other with our flaws (not that we don’t get annoyed from time to time, but that would be boring, right?).

And still when I think back I wouldn’t change it. This formed me to the person I am today and I can finally say that I am happy how I am. I don’t need to find a style I want to wear - I can wear a dress one day, another day I wear a band shirt and the next one a Potter Hoddie. I like all of these things (no heels though and I never really use make up since the pandemic), I can listen to metal and the next song is Lady Gaga. Because I like all of these things and thats okay.

I think its a lot about loving yourself and if you find a partner who lifts you up (not only when you are down, but all the time) you are very lucky.

response: TATI. I MEAN. I’M SOBBING INTO MY SWEATSHIRT

i have so many things to say

first of all, isn’t it annoying as fuck when someone asks you why you do certain things? not even a significant other, just someone in general? my ex always used to say similar things to me: “you look so beautiful without makeup” which was lovely! it made me so happy to hear. but i didn’t wear makeup for him or anyone else, i wore it for myself. so when he started telling me i shouldn’t wear it, i was like “bitch hold up” because it wasn’t his fucking decision lol like the audacity of him to suggest that.

i’m SO happy that you didn’t change for him. it can be so easy for us to take the things people we love tell us and spin them on their heads and turn them into compliments, but i’m so fucking glad you recognized that he was trying to ask you to be someone you were not. you were only trying to be yourself.

and what sucks is, he sounds like he was genuinely kind. so the decision to end it must have been excruciating, and i’m so terribly sorry that you had to go through that. and i think another thing to mention is another thing that is absolutely fucking BRUTAL, which is: when you end things with someone, or they end things with you, you lose not only them, but their family and friends which become your family and friends. it’s the absolute fucking worst.

i am so glad that you found someone who embraces every single side of you! you wanna get dressed up in heels and a hot outfit and wear makeup? you go. you wanna wear sweats and an oversized sweatshirt the next? perfect. he loves you however you want to be and i fucking love that. and who you want to be is just unconditionally yourself, because that is ALL that matters.

AND SEVEN YEARS. girl. i can’t make a relationship last past 3 so good on ya!! wishing you both the very best, and thank you so, so much for sharing your story x

#asks #writing project #WEEPING #we love a guy who loves you no matter what #y'all are really crushing it lately #i'm a HOT MESS #submission

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aforrestofstuff · 4 years

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Okay! I have a burning question for you, my dude. Music is my life, and I wanna know what kind of music the OPM casts listen to. Thanks, my guy!

I had a feeling this would be inevitable lol. I don’t really know a whole lot about music or genres or anything like that so I’m just gonna give you a rundown of each character individually and some song recs along with that just to smooth things out a little. Thanks for your ask, by the way! ❤️ Now my playlists will be put to good use.

A Brief Rundown of the Major OPM Characters’ Music Tastes:

Blast: hc that he doesn’t even have ears since he never fucking LISTENS

Terrible Tornado: Stuff that makes her feel powerful. Loud vocals and good instrumentals. Also, she’s a little angsty since she’s saltier than the gotdamn Pacific almost all of the time. (Recs: Florence and the Machine - How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful, Susanne Sundfør - Delirious, Florence and the Machine - What Kind of Man, Kali Uchis - Dead to Me, Let’s Eat Grandma - Falling Into Me)

Fubuki: some of that real classy shit. Slow songs that are nice to just have a cup of tea with. Nothing too meaty or fast-paced, she enjoys taking a moment to breathe every once and a while since life gets pretty hectic when you’re managing a gang of some 30 hooligans. (Recs: Wes - Midnight Low, any song from Lana Del Rey’s entire discography lol, Florence and the Machine - Grace, The Marìas - I Don’t Know You, Yellow House - Ain’t Gonna Call, Feng Suave - Toking, Dozing)

Silverfang: Stuff from his time. I hc that he was a bit of a party animal back in his prime so he’s gotta have those grooves. Disco to the extremo. Also, another hc: Garou absolutely hates his music. He would play it during training and Garou would contemplate homicide. (Recs: Frankie Valli - Grease, The Edgar Winter Group - Free Ride, KC and the Sunshine Band - I’m Your Boogie Man, Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride, The Main Ingredient - Everybody Plays the Fool, Andrea True Connection - More, More, More)

Bomb: save as Silverfang, although I hc that Bomb was a little more of a nerd growing up. Still, he never missed out on a good party. (Additional Recs: KC and the Sunshine Band - Get Down Tonight, The Trammps - Disco Inferno, Tierra - Together, Cornelius Bros and Sister Rose - Too Late to Turn Back Now)

Atomic Samurai: Old shit. Shit older than Silverfang. He’s really not that old, but his soul is fucking ancient and he’s got that classic “grrr music these days sucks” kind of shithead attitude. (Recs: Jim Croce - Time in a Bottle, Dion - Runaround Sue, The Carpenters - The End of the World, The Band - The Weight)

Child Emperor: Upbeat synth. Stuff to listen to while he’s working on his machines and whatnot. Probably has meaty beats to keep him in tune with what he’s doing, like working around a clock. Probably some groovy citypop in there too. (Recs: Taeko Ohnuki - 4:00 AM, Junko Ohashi - Telephone Number, Tatsuro Yamashita - Magic Ways, Hiroyuki Sawano - NEXUS, Superfly - Kakusei, Mariya Takeuchi - Plastic Love)

Metal Knight: Intrumentals that Disney villains listen to. Deep, dark shit that makes you feel sad. He probably feeds off of negative emotion. What a toolbag. (Recs: Lucas King - Sociopath, Abel Korzeniowski- Table for Two, Max Richter - Never Goodbye, Max Richter - She Remembers, Evelyn Stein - Quiet Resource, Mac Quayle - Adagio in G Minor)

King: video game soundtracks, obviously. Might be some electro funk in there too, as a treat. (Recs: Metal Gear Solid 3 OST - Snake Eater, Mick Gordon - Rip and Tear, Xenoblade Chronicles OST - Main Theme, Persona 5 OST - Last Surprise, Daft Punk - Verdis Quo, Toby Fox - Hopes and Dreams, Disasterpeace - Prologue, iamthekidyouknowwhatimean - Run, Darren Korb - Old Friends)

Zombieman: Dad Music. Old rock that makes you wanna rail some lines of white thunder and dance on top of a car. He’d be reluctant to try out new stuff but does so nevertheless. Just a little bit of weird alternative here and there. (Recs: Poison - Unskinny Bop, Mötley Crüe - Dr. Feelgood, Black Sabbath - War Pigs, Def Leppard - Animal, CRX - Walls, MGMT - Little Dark Age, Pink Floyd - Money, Queens of the Stone Age - Villains of Circumstance)

Drive Knight: Dark synth, obviously. Need I say more? (Recs: El Tigr3 - She Swallowed Burning Coals, Trevor Something - Enjoy the Silence, Greg Drombrowski - Devour, GUNSHIP - Woken Furies, GUNSHIP - Thrasher, Carpenter Brut - Invasion A.D., Kavinsky - Nightcall)

Pig God: this guy probably just listens to ASMR of people eating food lol.

Superalloy Darkshine: Upbeat stuff that’s good for exercise; loving those new jams along with some of the old. He’s got a pretty groovy style. (Diane Ross - Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, Saint Motel - Puzzle Pieces, CRUISR - All Over, Barry White - Never, Never Gonna Give Ya Up, Sade - Kiss of Life)

Watchdog Man: 10 hour loop of wolves howling on a summer night.

Flashy Flash: classical. Some nice instrumentals to listen to while training. Stuff that preferably doesn’t have any or very little lyrics so it’s not too busy on his ears while he’s fantasizing about killing someone. (Recs: Vaughn Williams - The Lark Ascending, Debussy - Rêverie, Grieg - Peace of the Woods, André Laplante - Une Barque sur L’Ocean)

Metal Bat: Modern alternative. A little bit harder than say, Mumen and Kama, but not as hard as Zombieman or Death Gatling. He’s that middle ground where he’s still got some real bangers, but Zenko can listen as well. He’ll play this stuff loudly as he’s doing chores and working out, no headphones ever. It gets pretty annoying. (Recs: Foals - Exits, The Blue Stones - Black Holes, Solid Ground, CRX - Broken Bones, Jungle - Happy Man, The Strokes - Reptilia, We Are Trees - Girlfriend)

Genos: synth. But not just any synth, some heavy, fast-paced synth that’s just like him: speedy, relentless, and powerful. He listens to shit that’ll make you wanna get up and start killing Terminators. Probably. There’s some other synths in the mix too because we love a three-dimensional king. (Recs: Carpenter Brut - Division Ruine, The Protomen - I Still Believe, Carpenter Brut - Leather Teeth, Gunship - Tech Noir, TWRP - Phantom Racer, Le Castle Vania - Red Circle)

Tanktop Master: Dad music but the type of dad music that makes you think your dad was a sappy nerd back in the day. Long tracks that are good for workouts. (Tears for Fears - Woman in Chains, Pink Floyd - Us and Them, Duran Duran - Ordinary World, Billy Idol - Eyes without a Face, A Flock of Seagulls - I Ran, The Alan Parsons Project - Eye in the Sky, Tears for Fears - Sowing the Seeds of Love)

Puri-Puri Prisoner: Pop. Dance music. He doesn’t really get to listen to a lot of music in prison, so he holds on to whatever he can and savors every second of it. (Coldplay - Talk, Bruno Mars - Runaway Baby, Lady Gaga - Bad Romance, Flo Milli - Beef Flomix, Doja Cat - Say So)

Mumen Rider: Hes a lighthearted, soft boy. Likes some fluffy indie tunes. It helps to motivate him when working out or doing hero stuff. He might need to cry every once in a while though, so there’s some sad songs in the mix too. (Recs: Varsity - The Dogs Only Listen to Him, The The - This is the Day, Amarante - Don’t Look Back, Alvvays - Saved by a Waif, The Monkees - As We Go Along, Acid Ghost - Hide my Face, Mogwai - Take Me Somewhere Nice)

Sonic: same as Flash. He’s a little more hip with the times however, so he’s got some more groovy, electronic instrumentals to listen to in addition to some elegant stuff and isn’t opposed to having a little bit of lyrics sprinkled in there as well. In fact, he’s not opposed to uppity pop either. He thinks dancing is frivolous but he secretly does it when he thinks nobody is looking. (Additional Recs: Odesza - Bloom, Pretty Lights - One Day They’ll Know [Odesza Remix], BØRNS - Electric Love, Hembree - Culture, The Cinematic Orchestra - Arrival of the Birds)

Garou: same as Metal Bat. Bang let him have a little MP3 player during his time at the dojo and has since collected a few songs on there. They’re very near and dear to his heart since it’s one of the few good things that came from his absolute disaster of a childhood. (Additional Recs: Foals - Inhaler, CRX - Slow Down, Deep Sea Arcade - Close to Me, Gorillaz - Empire Ants, The Fratellis - Chelsea Dagger, Glass Animals - Take A Slice)

Death Gatling: Shit your old Vietnam-vet grandpa would blast on the back of his F150. He gives me self-righteous asshole vibes, if I’m honest. Like, don’t get me wrong, I like Death Gatling, but he seems like the type of trailer park-dwelling sewer rat to carry a revolver into a Walmart for “self defense” and that’s probably the type of music he listens to, too. (Recs: Megadeth - Trust, Megadeth - Angry Again, Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son, Glen Campbell - Southern Nights, Mötley Crüe - Kickstart My Heart, Quiet Riot - Cum on Feel the Noize)

One-Shotter: I hard hc that he had an emo phase he never quite grew out of. He doesn’t quite listen to emo anymore but he’s still into that alternative shit. Homeboy also likes some slow tunes every once and a while because he’s an emotional dude who’s not afraid of a good cry. (Recs: Anything from Blink-182, Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know?, MGMT - When You Die, Mazzy Star - Fade Into You, Cigarettes After Sex - Dreaming of You, Yon Ort - Other Matter)

Lightning Max: Same as Genos but without the terminator-killing. Fast-paced stuff because he’s a fast lightning dude. A little more upbeat because he’s not as much as an edgelord as Genos, however. (Additional Recs: Carpenter Brut - Hang’em All, The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize, Worn Tin - Sensitivity, B.E.R. - The Night Begins to Shine, Martin Hall - Different Kind of Love)

Stinger: he’s all about that FUNK! Stuff that gets him moving! Stuff that makes him wanna dance! (Recs: Daft Punk - Doin’ it Right, TWRP - Body Image, Wild Cherry - Play that Funky Music, Chemise - She Can’t Love You, Saga - Wind Him Up, Saga - On the Loose, TWRP - All Night Forever)

Okamaitachi: they give me electro vibes! New, modern shit that’s good to dance to or to just sit down and have a listen! Also, some shit that’ll probably play in a coming-of-age teen movie or something. They don’t really vibe with heavy music and that’s alright, babey! Keeping it light and bouncy. (Recs: Tei Shi - Bassically, Varsity - Must Be Nice, Class Actress - Weekend, CHVRCHES - Richard Pryor, Alvvays - Marry Me, Archie, Sobs - Telltale Signs, Goth Babe - Sometimes, ALASKALASKA - Meateater)

Iaian: Nice, low tunes that are good for meditation and to be used for background noise during training sessions. He never really sits down to listen to music, it’s always in the background of something else he’s doing so he prefers to have some soft beats that don’t really interfere with his senses. Tunes so quiet, he sometimes uses them as lullabies; especially since the trauma of losing his arm has since made it hard to sleep. (Recs: Boy Scouts - Saddest Boy, Susanne Sundfør - Mantra, Vashiti Bunyan - If I Were the Same but Different, Starman Jr. - Blue Fairy, Patrick Watson - Je te Laisserai des Mots, Sibylle Baier - I Lost Something in the Hills)

Bushidrill: same as Atomic Samurai just without the shitty attitude. He’s happy to listen to some newer stuff, he just doesn’t like it and that’s okay, baby! Probably some classy shit your wise old grandpa would listen to. (Recs: Dean Martin - Volare, Dion - The Wanderer, Peppino Gagliardi - Che Vuole Questra Musica Stasera, anything from Luis Miguel lol, Franco Micalizzi - Sadness Theme)

Amai Mask: probably just listens to his own music like a putz. If not, he’s listening to the sound equivalent of glittering diamonds. He’s probably got this shit playing at the end of a long day while he’s chilling in a hot bath or something. (Recs: Fergie - Glamorous, Rita Ora - Hot Right Now, Lana Del Rey - Freak, Lana Del Rey - Art Deco, Tame Impala - Feels Like We Only Go Backwards)

Saitama: He doesn’t listen to music much anymore, sadly. He did, however, have a killer motivational mix to get him through his vigorous training prior to becoming a hero. (Recs: Paul Engemann - Push it to the Limit, Journey - Don’t Stop Believin’, College & Electric Youth - A Real Hero, Joe Esposito - You’re the Best Around, Survivor - Eye of the Tiger, The Bee Gees - Nights on Broadway)

Here’s the playlist with all of these songs in order (mostly):

It’s on YouTube because I’m allergic to Spotify. I’ve got a doctor’s note. Also, all of my other playlists are on my little profile thingy so if you want to listen to my pile then go right ahead.

Thanks for your ask, my dude! ❤️ this took up ALL of my energy lol but it was fun.

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labelleofbelfastcity · 4 years

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Tagged by @audiodramatist to answer thirty questions and tag twenty people.

I’m not going to tag twenty but here’s a few @tuesday-jorts @chicken-benintenders @melodramadeity @greyhawkrogue

1. Name/nickname: Will!! But I also like Rapunzel, Juno, Bread, and Gorgug

2. Gender: lesbian

3. Star sign: Virgo

4. Height: 5’5”

5. Time: 9:48 est

6. Birthday: Sept. 16!!

7. Favorite bands/groups: Great Big Sea is my favorite favorite band but I’m also loving The Amazing Devil and The Crane Wives right now

8. Favorite solo artist: Hozier and Ricky Montgomery

9. Song stuck in my head: Judas by Lady Gaga, it’s on Grace’s Calroy playlist and I can’t stop singing it

10. Last movie: John Wick I think?? It’s what Keanu deserves

11. Last show: Two Weeks To Live, watched all of it last night and loved it

12. When did I create this blog: Two years ago I think?? I’m not entirely sure

13. What do I post: Whatever I feel like!! My current special interests are Dimension 20 and Tangled but I don’t limit myself to just one thing, and I post my fic writing pretty regularly

14. Last thing I googled: “I’ll talk to anybody about anything meme” I was making a gorgug meme but got distracted

15. Other blogs: I have an active stimboard blog, and two inactive aesthetic and fashion blogs

16. Do I get asks: Not often?? Sometimes for ask games or about fics

17. Why did I choose this url: It’s a line from the song “I’ll Tell Me Ma” which was playing when I made this blog

18. Following: 389 (this is way too many. I’m constantly overwhelmed but also hate unfollowing people)

19. Followers: 267

20. Average hours of sleep: 8-9 is my sweet spot but usually 6

21. Lucky number: 12

22. Instruments: I’m a percussionist!! I play pretty much everything but I like marching snare, battery percussion, and drum set the most

23. What am I wearing: Fluffy pyjama pants and a sweater

24. Dream job: Okay listen. I don’t have one. I just want to be able to research and write and do whatever I want. And I know that’s not like feasible so I usually just say “professor”

25. Dream trip: Disney with my friends, especially if we don’t have to worry about the cost

26. Favorite food: This one specific disney world Olaf cupcake from like 2014

27. Nationality: American

28. Favorite song: This December by Ricky Montgomery is my current favorite, but The Mermaid Song by Great Big Sea is a constant

29. Last book read: I’m in the middle of The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski and I’m loving it but having a hard time focusing

30. Three fictional universes you’d like to live in: oooo definitely Spyre from Fantasy High, our ttrpg hogwarts squad world, and Corona from Tangled

#belletalks #thank you grace #also if i tagged you do not feel obligated

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #409

“when everything is wrong, we move along”

Are you a good kisser? I mean there's no way for me to actually know, but I guess history suggests I'm not bad. What question do you hate being asked the most? "What does your tattoo mean?" I'm so self-conscious of my "strange" interests that I can't stand that question and I get SO awkward. I know, I know, "Then why did you even get it?" Reason being it makes me happy and I don't want my fears to win anyway. What do you think the hardest part of surviving is? Just that very thing: surviving. Getting through rough patches with your sanity and good health intact. Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother? No. Do you honestly hate anyone? Sometimes I think I still hate the girl Jason dated after me. It's entirely unjustified, and even knowing they're not together anymore (at least, to my knowledge), thinking of her just... makes me angry and jealous and just generally uncomfortable. I also sincerely hate someone who violated my best friend. What song did you hear last? I'm listening to a slowed down mash-up of "Circus" by Britney Spears and "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga. It's actually p dope man. Have you ever walked in on your friends having sex? YIKES no. Where do you find you take most of your naps? I nap in my bed. Do you like sleeping just wearing your underwear and a top? No. I had to do that once and I was SO uncomfortable. Are you named after a parent or grandparent? No. Who was the last person to ask you out? Girt. Do you have nice legs? No. Has a boyfriend’s brother ever hit on you? No. Do you have a nice butt? That's an even bigger "no." I have like, no ass lmao. What do you have a massive attraction towards? Some short Korean dude that is the literal avatar of "chaotic good" lmao. Have you ever made a sex tape? NOOOOOOO and I never will. How do you feel about your weight right now? I am immensely unhappy and just seriously depressed by it. Have your parents ever told you that you’re a disappointment? Oh my god, no. I would die. I feel like they think that, but they've never said or acted so. Do graveyards thrill or terrify you? They give me a feeling of peace, and I find them humbling as a tiny, mortal being that's only here for a flicker in time. They remind me to try and make use of that spark. What song’s your current favorite? I've really been digging "SAVIOR" by SWARM as of recently. Do you miss any of your exes? Yes. Did you ever take pottery class in high school? They didn't offer a course for specifically pottery; it was just included in Art. I made one or two things. Have you ever felt yourself fainting? A few times. Who’s the last boy to make you cry? Guess. His memory, anyway. Did he know that he made you cry? I honestly wonder what he'd think if he knew all these years later, I still have times where I cry over him. When’s the last time you felt like a total asshole? I don't really know. Has anyone ever threatened you? Yes. Would you ever own a rat? I've owned quite a lot. I LOVE rats, and a part of me wants another pair, but I'm just not a great owner of pets that require so much cleaning. Would you or do you ever spank your kids? NO. I will ALWAYS say this regarding this subject: you do not teach your children through fear, nor do you instill in them, deliberately or not, that it is okay to hit people when they upset you. Have you ever considered being a cop? Nope. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive? Not long. Fish husbandry is more complicated than people make you think, so your ordinary fishbowl situation isn't going to work long. Have your parents ever questioned your virginity? My mother has. Dad has never said anything regarding this subject, thank god. That would be uncomfortable as shit. Have you ever spent over $100.00 on an article of clothing? What was it? Fuck no. Honestly, have you ever mooned or flashed somebody? No. Have you stayed up past 3 in the morning this week? Actually, yes. I pulled the first all-nighter in eons a few days back. What was on the last sandwich you had? Ham, cheese, and mustard. Do you own a trenchcoat? Bitch I wish. Name the hardiest piece of technology you own? Christ, my iPod that I've had since middle school. Seriously, a 4th gen. iPod Nano is still running, and I use it HEAVILY. I have no fucking clue how it's still alive. Tell me the last thing you searched on the internet? A definition just to make sure I was using it correctly. Are you currently in a smoking environment? Nooooo. Ma would never allow someone to smoke in here, and I honestly wouldn't either. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Have you ever taken care of a drunk friend? No. How about a hungover friend? No. What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? You gross me out. (: Do you know anyone who can fluently speak more than two languages? No. Have you ever gone in a sauna? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I would hate that SO much. What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? ALWAYS wanted? Probably a ferret. I don't actually want one now, but the idea is still nice to imagine. They're such characters. Is there any TV show that ended that you wish hadn’t? Ugggghhhh, Deadman Wonderland. It ended on SUCH a cliffhanger. I mean the manga continued, so I could've chosen to read that, but I don't read manga. Have you ever seen your parents drunk and what was your reaction? I saw my dad drunk all the time when I was younger because he was an alcoholic for as long as he lived with us. I knew he was either going to be hilarious or volatile and withdrawn. 50/50 chance. I've seen my mom drunk a couple times, and it was always surprising to me because she drinks very rarely. She's a very social and silly drunk, and it's a rare occasion where she seems happy. What’s your biggest body worry when you wear a bikini? Hunny, you would NOT see me in a bikini. Even if no one else was around, I wouldn't put one on. If you had the chance to redo high school knowing what you know now, how would you redo it? I think I probably wouldn't have dated Jason. Do you or anyone you know have an account on deviantART? I have for many, many years, and have friends that do, too. Do you get your eyebrows waxed? Not anymore. If you draw, what's one thing you always have trouble with? HANDS. Who was the first person you made out with, and where was it? Jason, in his bed. When was the last time someone said you were attractive? WOW, who the fuck even knows. Have you ever had to pretend you were sober, even though you were wasted? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever smoked at school? No. Have you ever thrown up from working out? No. Do you think machines will take over the world? I think it's a possibility. Technology keeps advancing faster and faster that I wouldn't be all that surprised if we design them to such an advanced state that they have some sort of sentience. Is the way you typically behave congruent with your ethnic background? What the ACTUAL fuck is this question. Literally fuck off. Have you ever lived in a brand new house? No. Has the last person you kissed met your father? Yes. What’s your favourite breed of dog? I have a strong bias for beagles. As far as visual appeal of breeds goes, I REALLY couldn't tell ya. There are so many beautiful dogs. Do you think more about the past, present or future? I'm pretty obsessed with the past. Do you swear in front of your parents? Dad, freely. Around Mom, I try not to say "fuck" or "goddamn" because she really doesn't like those. I still say some words, though. It's just pure habit. What’s something that’s bothering you? I've just been having envy problems lately, and it's not an emotion I'm used to or enjoy whatsoever. Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn’t want to date? Yeah. Did any particular thing brighten up your day today? Not really. Do you know who your latest ex is dating? Nobody. What are your plans for the weekend? My sister Katie and her husband are coming to visit, and we're probably driving up to a lake that Ash and her little family stay at all the time so Katie can meet the kids. But with that storm coming through, it's questionable if we'll actually go, because it's an hour drive. When were you last in a car? Earlier today to go to the TMS office. I officially start my tapering sessions, so I won't be going every day now. Have you cried today at all? No. Have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas? That is noooot rare, honestly. Depends on where I'm going. Have you ever had bronchitis? Nope. Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? Twice, I wanna say? What do you want right this second? To actually have motivation to draw a picture I have planned. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now would you accept? No. If I weren't so opposed to smoking because of the lung damage I honestly would, though. I'm curious how it would affect my anxiety. Can you control your dreams if you realize you are dreaming? No. When was the last time you cried really hard? I'm really not sure. Do you think you can last for an hour without talking? Very, very easily. I probably do that on a daily basis. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yes, but spelled differently.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''move along'' by the all-american rejects

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bazypitchandsimonsnow · 4 years

Text

Being Simon

Chapter 1: The Past

Chapter 1/2 (All chapters)

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word Count: 8493

Summary: Simon's type of therapy is...unusual to say the least. He has the incredible chance to go back in time to fix what he regrets. However, things get more complicated when Simon meets someone very interesting in the past.

Read on AO3

AN: Ahahahaha I did it!!! I finished a fic! That's a big achievement for me nowadays tbh. This has taken forever because stupid fucking health, but I did it! Of course I'm not 100% good with it but I'm still proud. Being Erica is one of my fave shows ever and is severely underrated imo. Then I saw this post and was like "oh damn that would be great for snowbaz." Now like three-four months late, here we are! Big thank you to @carryonmylovelies as always. She has been a big support for me through this writing slump. I couldn't be more grateful for her <3

World basics: time travel therapy is a thing, no further explanation given, and going back in time to fix past regrets teaches patients how to live better in the present. Patients take over their past selves' bodies for a bit. Patients can return from the past either suddenly or by stepping through doors. So just imagine Simon doing that. Saying much more is spoilers.

I’m gonna post chapter 1 today, then chapter 2 sometime within the next week. Hopefully y'all like it!

———————————————

You know that guy who’s got it all? A perfect job, a perfect partner, wonderful family, a life that people are secretly jealous of? You know that guy, everyone knows that guy. Unfortunately, I am not that guy.

My name is Simon Snow, and I’m a fuck up. But I’m getting better.

“Mr. Snow, Mr. Snow!” Cassidy shouts, waving her hand, “I know the answer!”

“Cass,” I say, “what did we say about inside voices?”

She pouts and crosses her arms. “Keep the volume down for all those around.”

“Exactly. Now, try again.” Cassidy raises her arm with no added sound effects. I point my chalk at her. “Cassidy, what’s the answer?”

She puts her hand down, grinning wide. “It’s 42.”

I hold my hand out to her. “Nice job, Cassy, right on the money.”

She gives me a big high five. The feeling of accomplishment surges through me. God, I love this job. My old customer service work made me feel dead inside. Day in, day out, same old fucking garbage from garbage customers. It was just never something I wanted to do. Now I get to see a little girl smile, and I helped her smile. Yeah, little self centred, but I’ll take it.

“Patrick,” I say, “can you tell me how we can find 8 times 4?”

Patrick nods and starts rattling off the technique he’s come up with. It’s a bit odd and round about but all his. That’s what I love about kids, the strange and unique things their little minds come up with. It’s why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place, before I lost my way.

The bell rings and everyone's on their feet immediately. “Alright everyone,” I shout over the clamour, “make sure to finish chapter three for tonight. And get your worksheets done! We’re going to go over them with a fine toothed comb. Have a good weekend, kids.”

“Bye, Mr. Snow,” they all parrot back. I wave them off, then start on my laptop. Being a teacher means having a lot of paperwork. (Or Google Doc work, I guess.) Everything is in mismatched folders and I have to scour them for my lesson plan draft. Unfortunately, I’m still not great at organization, but I’m working on it. I’m working on a lot in my life.

My phone rings. I look up from my screen, and notice there’s no sunlight from the windows. Holy shit, how long have I been sitting here? I quickly grab my phone. “Hello?”

“Simon!” Todd shouts. “Where the fuck are you?”

“Oh, uh, hi Todd.” Fuck, what did I do this time? “I-I’m still at work...”

He scoffs. “Of course you are. Shit, Simon, I’ve been sitting at Casper’s for an hour!”

My heart drops. I look down at my watch. It’s 6:34. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, love, I just totally lost track of time-”

“Yeah, I guessed that. I should expect that of you now.”

Well, that stings. A lot. I’ve felt like a screw up my whole life, so much so even my parents didn’t want me. Like they had some prophetic vision that their kid would be a no good moron. Therapy has started to rid me of those thoughts, but they still creep up every once in a while. Like now.

“I’m sorry, darling, I’m really sorry. We can go to my place, have take away-”

“No, Simon,” he sighs. “I just...I picked the day, the time, and the restaurant. All you had to do was bloody show up, and you couldn’t even do that. I mean...do you even care, Simon?”

A horrible, familiar pain goes through my heart. I can still hear Agatha’s voice all these years later. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. My thoughts get all muddled up, mixing up old fears and trauma with today.

“I do care, Todd, I really do. I just- I didn’t- I was- We can-”

“Please stop..” He sighs again. I can almost see him rubbing his pretty black eyebrows together. “Don’t stress stutter, it’s alright. Enjoy your work and takeaway.”

“Uh, could we reschedule?”

“No, we can’t.”

I gulp. I hate that I know what’s coming. “Are...are you too busy?”

“No, I’m just...I’m done. I can’t do this anymore, Simon. Hope you do well. I mean that.”

I slump in my chair. “Okay. You too. Bye, Todd.”

“Goodbye, Simon.”

He hangs up, but I keep the phone by my ear. My body feels too heavy to move and get out of this fucking chair. Once again, I screwed up my relationship. And the fact that it’s too familiar is even worse. This is what, the third partner I’ve lost in the last year? An abysmal track record. Before that I had been alone since uni, yeah, but I think it was better than feeling like this.

Slowly, I pack up all my stuff. Everything is quiet, like the world is in mourning for my latest lost relationship. Self centered as fuck but a nice thought. I sling my book bag over my shoulder and walk towards the door. It’s not even a shock when I don’t enter the foyer, but step through and end up in Dr. Margaret’s stony yet brightly lit office instead, complete with torches and pristine furniture. It’s like some medieval version of an IKEA showroom. Dr. Margaret is sitting in her chair with a book in hand, obviously waiting for me. Just another day with a super powered therapist who has her office in a pocket dimension outside of our reality. (That’s my theory anyway).

I speed walk forward and flop down face first on her white couch. “Hi to you too, Simon,” she says. I groan into the cushions. “Good day, huh?” I groan louder. “Tell me what happened or get off my couch.”

I move my face to the side, glaring at Dr. Margaret. She just keeps looking at me blankly from her large leather chair. Dr. Margaret has little time for my whining, something I usually appreciate. “Todd broke up with me.”

“You poor baby.”

I narrow my eyes even more. “Aren’t therapists supposed to be all sympathetic and shit?”

She scoffs. “Sympathetic when you’re not being pathetic.”

“My boyfriend just broke up with me, I’m allowed to be a bit pathetic.” I rub my very strained forehead. “I always get dumped.”

“Mhm.” Dr. Margaret picks up the notepad, the one I filled with my regrets the first day we met. It’s embarrassingly long, but a lot are crossed off too. “Tell me about ‘breakup with Agatha.’”

I groan, head falling back against the couch. “God, that’s one I’ve been waiting for.”

“Stop groaning and tell me.”

“Okay, okay, gimme a sec.” I sit up and put my elbows on my knees, rubbing my temple. Headache is coming. Though I’ve started to actually pay attention to my health and take care of myself now (thanks to Dr. Margaret), the headaches still happen sometimes. Especially when I think about this.

“It was 2003,” I sigh. “Agatha and I had been together for six years. Just before third year finals, Agatha broke up with me. I got really pissed at her. Turned into a huge screaming match. She said I didn’t care, and I called her an arsehole that never loved me.” I run a hand through my hair. Old stress habit. “I’ll never forget the look on her face. She was so unbelievably hurt. I knew it was wrong the moment after I said it, but I was too angry and proud to apologize. Agatha walked out. And that was the last time I ever saw her.” The words piece my heart like a knife. I feel like I'm about to shatter into pieces “We avoided each other all through finals. Right after graduation, Agatha moved to California for her masters. She wouldn’t take my calls, then she changed her number. So I gave up. Haven’t talked to her in twelve years. No idea where she is now and what she’s doing.”

Dr. Margaret nods thoughtfully, placing the notebook down. “What would you do differently? Try to fix things? Stay together?”

I shake my head vigorously. “No, god no. We weren’t good as a couple. But Agatha was one of my closest friends way before she was my girlfriend. I just, I want the breakup to not be so awful. That way we can stay friends. I want to keep her in my life. If I wasn’t such an arse, she would be.”

“Sounds reasonable. Let’s see if you can do it.”

A familiar chill hits me. At first it was terrifying but now I expect it. “Alright.”

Dr. Margaret nods, and the world spins.

———————————————

“You’re not hearing me, Simon!” Agatha screams. “I’m trying to tell you that it’s over!”

I stumble, blinking at Agatha and trying to focus on what’s around me. Dirty walls, Lady Gaga posters, a shitty desk I picked up off the curb. Yeah, this is definitely my uni apartment. And this is definitely Agatha screaming at me, trying to break things off and I’ve just been yelling. She’s so mad but I can’t help but smile. God, I’ve missed her.

“What are you smiling about?! Are you listening to me?!” She groans and shakes her head. “We’re done, Si. I can’t do this anymore. Goodbye.”

She turns around to leave and my pulse skyrockets. No no, not again. “Ags, wait! I-I am listening. Please, don’t leave!”

Agatha freezes, hand on the knob. She glares at me over her shoulder. “What?”

“I-I’m sorry for yelling, that was awful. Can we just sit down and talk this out? Please?”

She looks me over, probably trying to figure out if I’m being sincere. I know I am, but as far as she's concerned I was screaming my bloody lungs out a minute ago. Must be weird for her. Thankfully, she lets go of the knob. “Fine.”

I sigh in utter relief. I sit down on my shitty mattress (pretty sure I got this off the curb too) and Agatha follows. She’s tense, arms crossed. I fiddle with my fingers. The nail beds are all chewed up, hangnails surrounded by dark dried blood. Glad I broke that habit, but right now I sort of wish I still did it. It made me feel better.

“Are you going to say something?” Agatha asks, voice biting.

“Yeah, yeah, just, uh...” I rub the back of my neck. Words are getting fucked up again.

“You’re not going to change my mind, Simon. We’re through.”

“I know, Ags, I know. I don’t want us to stay together.”

Her eyebrows furrow. It’s really cute. I miss when she did that. “You don’t?”

“No, no, we’re not good as a couple. We don’t work well.”

“Oh.” Her arms fall into her lap. “Okay. Yeah, I think the same.”

“Awesome.” I turn towards her with a big grin. “But, uh, could we still be friends though? You’ve always been one of my best friends, Agatha. I-I don’t want to lose you after this.”

Agatha rubs her lips together, But slowly, she nods. “Okay, yeah.”

A huge weight lifts off my shoulders. I grin so wide it hurts. “That’s great! That’s so great. I-I just, I don’t want to lose you just cause our relationship didn’t work out.”

She looks even more confused, and I’m not sure why. “What do you mean ‘didn’t work out?’”

“Well, I-I mean, y’know, we just don’t work as a couple. We haven’t been happy for awhile because things have kind of...fizzled out, right?”

Suddenly, that infuriated expression comes back. She groans and stands up. “I can’t believe you, Si! You really haven’t been listening to anything I’ve said, have you?!”

I stand up too. “No, no, I have! You want to break up, and I get why, we’re not happy together. We’re not a good couple-”

“Because of you!” she screams. I stumble back slightly from the force of her words. “You fucked up!”

A horrible, upset, disgusted feeling takes over my whole body. Like my very soul is sicking up. I step towards her, reaching out. “Ags, I don’t know what you mean. H-How did I ruin things? Tell me what I did wrong!”

She shakes her head and backs away. “I’ve told you a hundred times, Si. If you don’t know by now, I don’t think you ever will.”

Agatha starts to stomp away. I chase after her. “Agatha! Ags, please, don’t-”

She slams the door so hard all my knick knacks rattle. I’m left in silence, except for the thoughts rattling around in my head. Fuck, what did I say? What did I do? I can’t think of anything I’ve done horrible enough to warrant such a response from Agatha. I pull at my hair and gnaw at my nail beds. I mean, this me already does it, so where’s the harm? Fuck, I don’t know what I did. I can’t remember!

Penny. I gotta go find Penny. She always has the answers. She’ll remember why I fucked up. I rush out the door and swing my way down the shitty stairs, careful to avoid the usual vomit puddles. I’m speed walking across the lawn towards Pen’s TA building when I spot familiar frizzy white hair.

“That was fast,” Dr. Margaret says, looking down at her book with a Starbucks drink in hand. She’s dressed in a horribly ugly orange tank top and boho skirt. Perfect for 2003. She needs to blend in with the time period, or at least that’s what she says. I think she just likes to dress up. “Saw her storm out. Looked really mad.”

“What the fuck was the point of this?!” I yell. I’m so angry, I can’t help it. My temper is something I need to work on but I really don’t care right now. “I still cocked things up with Agatha, so she still hates me, and all I’ve learned is that I apparently did something horrible that I don’t even remember because it’s been twelve bloody years!”

She takes a long drink from her large Starbucks cup. “Hm. Quite difficult. What’re you going to do?”

“Find Penny, I guess, She’ll know, right?”

Dr. Margaret shrugs. “Don’t know. You have a phone. Call her.”

Oh, right, phones are a thing. I dig around in my cargo shorts (god, I can’t believe, I used to wear these things) and pull out my old Nokia slide phone. I sneer at the thing. It was my first and shittiest cell phone. I thought I was so cool because my mobile slid out. I was such a prat.

I go to my contacts, and Penny is one of five. That makes me a little sad. I always liked people, but I was always bad at making real friends. I’ve gotten better now but past me barely had anyone. I click her number, and she picks up after two rings.

“Hey, Simon, what’s up?” she asks.

“Um, not much,” I respond automatically. Dr. Margaret glares at me. Right, I don’t need to push down my problems and pretend everything is okay. Penny’s my friend, she’ll want to help. “Actually, there’s a lot. Aggie and I just broke up.”

“Oh Si, I’m so sorry. How’re you feeling?”

“Not too bad. I guess it was inevitable. I’m more confused than anything. Ags said I ruined it by doing something, but I’m not sure what I did. Do you have any idea what she meant?”

“Uh...I really don’t know. She hasn’t told me anything. She doesn’t usually tell me things anyway.”

I sigh and rub my face. “Yeah, true. I’ll figure it out. Thanks, Pen.”

“Welcome, Simon. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” I hang up and shove my phone back in my massive pocket. Dr. Margaret is back to reading. “Well, that was no help.”

“Too bad. Maybe going to the source would be better.”

I frown in utter confusion. “You want me to go talk to Agatha again?”

“She knows what’s wrong. You don’t. Ask her.”

I put my hands on my hips. “You’re never this direct. What’s going on?”

She flicks her eyes to me, smiling slyly. “Don’t trust me, Simon?”

“No! I just know you always have something else going on. Nothing in therapy is ever easy or simple.”

“Know that. Taught you that.” She snaps the book closed. “Do what you think is best, Simon. Then live with choices.”

She stands up, book tucked into her hippie purse, and walks down the lawn. I huff, blowing a piece of stray hair out of my face. “You know I hate when you say that! It’s just pointing out the obvious! That’s lazy therapy!”

Dr. Margaret, the woman who has changed my life in so many ways, makes the “whatever” W sign at me. I chuckle and shake my head. Okay, well, this is probably some weird test (again), but Dr. Margaret has a point. Best to be direct. Maybe Agatha will have cooled down by the time I get there. I should do something nice. Bring her flowers, yeah, that’s a good idea. I look down at my cargo shorts, baggy Eminem shirt, and filthy knock off converse. Definitely need to change too.

I rush back to my apartment. It’s dingy and gross, but there’s a weird nostalgia to it. I should’ve put up more posters. (Why can’t that be a regret? That would be so much easier.) My dresser is bursting at the seams as usual. I throw my t-shirts around looking for something passable, but everything is dirty, tacky, smells like weed, or all of the above.

“Christ, how did I live like this?” I grumble, as if I wasn’t pretty much still living like this a year ago. (Minus the weed. Kicked that after uni, thankfully.)

Eventually I find a plain brown shirt and a pair of jeans with only one tomato sauce stain. Alright, I’m passable now at least. That’ll get Agatha’s attention just because it’s so out of character for who I am in this time. I open the old pickle jar where I keep all my change and scrounge together about 20 quid. Should be enough for flowers, especially before the 2008 crash. The exchange rate is the only thing I miss about the past, honestly.

“Alright,” I mutter to myself, slinging my bookbag over my shoulder, “decent clothes, okay hair, pocket change, bag to hold flowers. Let’s do this.”

I walk out my front door feeling confident, hopefully not too much. Can’t get a big head. Need to focus on Agatha.

“Simon, mate.” I turn around to see Rhys wheeling out of his flat. “What’s up? Heard a lot of shouting earlier, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m cool, man. Agatha and I broke up and things got messy.”

He inhales sharply between his teeth. “Yikes. Sorry to hear that. Can’t believe she dumped you for that snotty prep.”

I stand ramrod straight, then spin around on my heels to face him properly. “What snotty prep?”

“Oh you didn’t know?”

“Didn’t know what?!”

Rhys raises his hands in surrender. “Whoa, take it easy, man.”

Shit. Reel in your temper, Simon, don’t explode. “Sorry, sorry, mate. Just, what are you talking about with this prep?”

“Yeah, this preppy pretty boy Agatha sits next to in our romantic literature and creative writing classes. They’ve always got their heads together. I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my business, but then you said you two broke up, so...”

“So you thought she told me, got it.” I rub my temples. Headache is coming back. “Do you know who he is?”

Rhys scratches the side of his head. “Yeah, think so. Tall, dark-ish skin, grey eyes, posh accent, even more posh clothes. Name starts with a T. Terrence, Terry, Tyler-” He snaps his fingers and points at me. “Ty! That’s it!”

My face scrunches up. “Ty? Ty what?”

“Dunno. Just Ty, I guess. Like Madonna. Dude thinks he’s better than fucking everyone just because he’s rich or something.”

My blood boils to a fever pitch. So Agatha broke up with me for someone prettier and richer. She said it was my fault because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Mission failed, because I am fucking gutted.

“Thanks for telling me, mate,” I say, holding out my fist to him. He bumps his own against mine. “Really appreciate it.”

“Sure thing, mate. Come have a beer with us to commiserate?”

I chuckle. “Yeah, but you may have to remind me later. Brain like sieve.”

“Gotchu. See ya.”

“See ya.”

Rhys rolls down the hall towards Gareth’s. Right, it’s their weekly beer and footie night. I would hang out with them sometimes. I miss that. I should call them when I’m back in 2015. Right now though, I have a mission.

———————————————

Finding Ty will be pretty easy. I know when Agatha and Rhys’ creative writing class is, which is in a couple of minutes. (Rhys skipped a lot of class. Luckily he was a genius so he graduated at the top of our year. And Agatha never went to class when she was upset, so I know I won’t see her.) I run over to the building I know it’s in, a massive hall made from dingy grey stone and filled with caffeine addicted twenty somethings. Then I sit by a tree, waiting to see someone like Rhys described. Oh and when I find him I’ll- Well, I’ll do something. Not sure yet but it’ll be something!

Droves of zombified uni students pass me by. None of them look posh and preppy enough to be like this Ty dude. He sounds like such a twat. What the fuck does Agatha see in him? (Or did see in him, I guess. Time travel is weird.) Maybe Agatha is still with him. Maybe they went to California together. She talked about me going with her for a bit, but I was scared to leave England. I don’t regret staying, but I do regret the crushed look on her face.

The guy passes by me. He looks ridiculous, wearing oxfords, black slacks, and a goddamn tweed jacket with leather patches on the sleeves. It’s the preppiest posh shit I’ve ever seen. I can see his hands, curled around his textbook, and his slicked back hair. Dark-ish skin and ear length black hair. I’m on my feet in an instant.

“Hey!” I shout. He doesn’t move. “Hey, Ty! I’m talking to you!”

He finally turns around, and my heart stops for a second. Holy shit. This guy is beautiful. Like, super model on the cover of a high end fashion magazine gorgeous. He’s got cheekbones sharp enough to cut glass and his eyes aren’t just grey, they’re green and blue mixed together. Like deep ocean water. And right now they’re staring at me like I’ve lost my goddamn mind.

“Yes?” he says. His voice is smooth, strong, really pretty. “You called my name?”

I shake off my small gay panic (technically pansexual panic) and my anger returns. I glare hard at him. “Yeah, I did. My name is Simon Snow, Agatha’s boyfriend.”

His confusion quickly switches to stone faced boredom. “Oh you’re the boyfriend. Well, the ex-boyfriend now, according to the text Agatha sent me.” He tilts his head to the side, ocean eyes scanning me over. “I thought you’d be taller.”

My body feels like it’s on fire. This guy may be hot but he’s a total prick. How could Agatha dump me for him?! “Who do you think you are, huh? Flirting with someone’s girlfriend? That’s fucking low, you pathetic shit!”

He scoffs, putting on hand on his hip. “Very well spoken. If you’re done with your little alpha male display, I have a class to get to.”

Ty turns away. I’m ready to explode. I haven’t felt this angry in years but this guy is getting so under my skin. I grab his shoulder and force him to look at me.

“You don’t get to walk away, dick!” I roar. “Do you think you’re better than me?! Well you’re not!”

“I’m not the one shouting at a random stranger on the quad.”

“I’m shouting because you stole my girlfriend!”

“I didn’t steal her, you sexist shit,” he hisses. “She’s my friend. Are you the kind of arse to not allow his girlfriend to have friends?”

“No! And I’m not sexist! I just don’t like someone flirting with the girl I was with when I was with her, especially when you’re all...posh and shit!”

Ty scoffs again and leans forward. “Well, at least I don’t wear dirty jeans out in public. I have more self respect than that.”

My entire body explodes in a way it hasn’t in ages. My vision goes completely fucking red. I shove Ty, hard. Way harder than I mean to. He stumbles backwards, dropping his books on the grass. He looks at me in utter shock.

“What the fuck?!” Ty shouts. He then shoves my shoulders, and I stumble five steps back. Holy shit, he’s strong.

“Fuck you!” I shout back. I charge forward with all my might. Ty blocks me but that doesn’t stop me. I claw and push and pull at him, no clue what I’m doing at all. I’m just so angry and pushing it all at him. He pushes back just as hard. Neither of us will give an inch. We scrabble like a pair of cats. I can’t think, I just feel. I'm so angry and sad and worthless because...because....

Because I’m losing my friend again. And I don’t know what to do.

My hits get weaker and weaker. All the energy dribbles out like a melting ice cream in July. As I slow down, Ty stops pushing back. My arms fall down at my sides. His hands rest awkwardly on my shoulders.

“Uh,” he says, “are you alright?”

“No,” I choke out. Tears fill my eyes and cloud my vision. “No, I’m not.”

I break down, crying with heavy, ugly sobs. Everything is just collapsing in and around me. I really am losing Agatha all over again. It hurts even more this time. I’ve never fallen apart this badly on a regret. But everything from the past and present, losing all my partners in the past year then Agatha again, is just hitting me in one terrible mental blow.

“Oh shit,” he says. “Um...” I feel his hand move off my shoulder and slowly pat my head. “There, there?”

I snort like one of the kids I teach. I pull back, wiping the still flowing tears under my eye. “Seriously? That’s the best you can do?”

Though it’s a bit hard to tell, I think Ty’s face flushes. He crosses his arms defiantly. “Well, what the fuck are you supposed to do when a stranger attacks you then breaks down crying?”

I shrug. “Dunno, really. This is new for me too.”

Ty rubs the back of his neck, shuffling his polished oxfords in the dirt. I’m still sniffling like a child. “You want to go somewhere private? Where no one can see you?”

My eyes catch a couple of people glancing and outright staring at us. Or just at me. I nod vigorously. “Yeah, that would be good.”

Ty collects up the books I knocked out of his hands. He jerks his head to the side, and I follow behind him. Tears are still streaming down my face. They won’t stop no matter how hard I try. Ty leads us through a secluded area, past large trees and bushes, until we reach a completely hidden, beautiful ravine. Holy shit. Was this always here? I went to this uni for three years and I have no memory of this place. Either I’m super oblivious or getting old. (Probably both.)

We go past a couple more bushes until we come upon a ramshackle rainbow coloured bench against some trees. It looks handmade by some stoned out art major. The mess of cigarette and joint butts on the ground only reinforces that theory. Ty sits on one end of the bench. I take the other, but we’re still pretty close. It’s not very big. We sit in silence for a bit, save for my continued sniffling. Something bumps my arm. I look down to see Ty’s long fingered hand holding out a cigarette pack.

“Want one?” he asks.

“Smoking is bad for you,” I say automatically.

“Like you’re one to talk. You reek of marijuana”

“Fuck, really?” I sniff my shirt collar and get a whiff of weed. I groan, letting my head fall back against the tree. “Dammit. Thought this one was clean.”

“Unfortunately not.” He shakes the box. “You want one or no?”

I sigh and pluck a stick out of the box. Ty takes one as well, then pulls out a pristine silver Zippo lighter. He lights us both with one flame. I watch the paper crinkle and shrivel away into ash. I’m a bit nervous. Technically, I haven’t smoked anything in over a decade. Hopefully I can depend on past me’s muscle memory.

Ty takes a long, deep draft and breathes out a long puff of smoke. I try to mimic him. My lungs burn with the heat of twin suns. I wheeze out, thumping my chest. Ty throws his head back laughing, hair touching his neck.

“You must be a shitty stoner,” he chuckles.

“Yeah,” I cough, “never been great at inhaling.”

“Bring it into your mouth, then your lungs. Don’t do it all once.”

I nod, even though I kind of knew that. Just been awhile. I smoked a few joints but I preferred my old bong. But I try again, doing what Ty said. This time I only cough a little instead of wheezing like the world’s most pathetic dragon.

“There you go,” Ty drawls. He’s definitely mocking me a little.

“Fuck off.”

“Christ, what bug crawled up your arse?”

I glare at him, and his face is completely unaffected. “The bug that Agatha broke up with me for you.”

He scoffs, flicking cigarette ash on the ground. “Your ex- girlfriend did not break up with you to be with me. We’re only friends. I’d never date her.”

“That’s mean, Agatha is amazing.”

Ty rolls his eyes dramatically. “It has nothing to do with Agatha. She’s wonderful. I just don’t like women.”

My eyes grow wider than saucer plates “You’re gay?”

He cocks an eyebrow. How did he get so good at that? Does he practice in the mirror? “You have a problem with that, Snow?”

“No, no, of course not. Just didn’t realise...”

“It’s not like I’m hiding it.” He gestures to his perfectly pressed button down, spotless navy slacks, and polished Oxfords. Okay, he has a point, most straight men don’t take such meticulous care of their clothes. 2003 closeted me had the excuse of being heteronormative as fuck, but 2015 pansexual me needs to work on his gaydar.

“I, uh, didn’t want to assume...” Usually a safe answer in my experience.

“How noble.” Ty takes a long drag. I still hate cigarettes, but the way his lips fit around the smoke plume is kind of attractive. “Agatha knows I’m gay. I told her after she almost kissed me.”

“What?!” I throw down the cigarette and shoot to my feet. The fire in my gut is back, along with the sense of utter worthlessness. I fucked up so badly, made Agatha so miserable, that she nearly kissed a gay bloke. I feel so awful and confused and I don’t know what I'm supposed to do, I’m just mad.

He rolls his eyes, again. “Sit down, alpha male, I said ‘almost.’ I’m not even sure she realised what she was doing, we were both completely pissed. She leaned forward slightly and I blurted out that I was gay. Then she promptly burst into tears.”

My heart feels like someone has reached inside and twisted every vein. My arms relax at my sides. “She...she was crying?”

“Yes, quite heavily.” He taps the cig with one long, graceful finger. (Does he play piano? He should.) “She said she was sorry, then blubbered for an hour about how conflicted she felt about wanting to break up with you.”

The impact of those words send me back down onto the bench. My whole body feels heavier than lead. “She felt conflicted?”

“Of course she did.”

“I-I thought this was easy for her. That our relationship was already going downhill, then I did something so bad she decided to end it. And then I thought it was because she found you, someone better than me.”

Ty scoffs. “My god, she was right, you are completely oblivious.”

I scowl at him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You’re so blind to what you’ve been doing.”

“What’ve I been doing?!”

“You’ve been a terrible boyfriend!” he yells. “You’re forgetful, you miss things, you don’t pay attention to Agatha, and most of all you take her for granted!” He sighs, rolling the half finished cig between his fingers. “Ags says you don’t mean to do it, you’re just oblivious, but she’s still hurt. There isn’t one bad thing you did, Snow. You’ve been hurting her for awhile.”

Every word is slap to the face. My body literally aches with all the guilt I feel. Ty is right. I was an awful, awful boyfriend. Every missed date, every burnt meal, every stupid thing I’ve ever said, they all rush into me. Fucking hell. How could I have not seen it? I always had reasons, and they were always small things. But I guess a lot of small things pile up.

“Fuck,” I choke out. Tears make little wet spots on the dirt floor. I don’t know when I started crying again. God, I’m a mess.

“Please don’t cry,” Ty says, sounding almost sympathetic. “I only have so many cigarettes.”

That makes a laugh surprisingly fly out of my mouth. Yet I’m still picking at my nails, flicking away bits of my cuticle like I want to get rid of my pain. I’m nervously babbling before I even realise it. “My brain’s always filled with...stuff. Keeping my scholarship, keeping my job, working towards my future. E-Everything’s always been about my future, what I’ll do eventually, even with Agatha. She was supposed to be my happy ending after all the shit I’ve been through.”

“She’s a person,” he mutters, “not your goal.”

“I know that!” I rub away more tears. “Well, I’m learning. I dunno. I-I had a shitty childhood, okay? So I’m always waiting for things to get better. And I thought if I did well at school and found a nice girl, things would just fall into place. Turns out shit is more complicated than that.”

I laugh to try to break the tension, but Ty stays silent. I cautiously flick my eyes over to him. He’s still holding his cigarette. It’s burnt down to the filter. His face is stone again, yet I can see the slight tremor in his fingers. It’s miniscule but it’s there. I don’t think he’s okay, but I barely know this guy, I’m scared to ask.

“I don’t know how to fix things with Agatha,” I sigh. “I’m bad at talking, bad at relationships, sometimes bad at friendships. It’s not like I want her back. I...I just want her in life. She’s amazing. I don’t- I can’t lose her again.”

“Again?” he says. My face goes bright red and my breath hitches. Fuck. Stupid time travel, screwing things up.

“Y-Yeah, we’ve had fights before, stopped talking for a while. I know this feeling, I hate it. I want her to be in my life and be happy and I don’t know how to do that!”

“Tell her that.”

I face him, blinking in confusion. “What?”

Ty sighs and flicks the butt onto the ground, crushing it beneath the toe of his utterly perfect oxford. “Tell her that. Say you’re scared and clueless but you want to still be friends, so you want to figure out how to do that. Be honest. What else are you going to do?”

My mouth flaps up and down. Fuck. It’s so damn obvious yet it never came to mind. I thought I needed something big and smart so Agatha would understand. But... “All I need to do is be honest with her.”

“Exactly.”

I smile for the first time since I got here. “Wow, can’t believe I didn’t think of that.”

“You do seem to be a bit thick.” His slight smirk and teasing lilt save me from getting angry. I scoff and shake my head.

“Yeah, well, you seem like a bit of a prick.” He scoffs too, but he’s still smiling.

We sit there in silence for a little. All I can hear is birds chirping and students in the distance. I feel calm. So calm I don’t want to get up for a while. I just want to catch my breath. Ty slowly tilts his head back over the bench.

“I haven’t sat down in awhile,” he says quietly, almost as if to himself, but too loud for me not to hear. “I’m always at class or studying. I don’t sit down and just...sit.”

“Well you haven’t really been only sitting,” I chuckle. “You’ve been helping me.”

“Would it be sad that this has actually been the most relaxing time I’ve had in months?”

“Uh, yeah, and a bit concerning.”

Ty laughs a little louder this time. His smile seems a bit more genuine, but his pretty eyes are a bit sad. It may just be his face. It looks like it’s designed for pouting. “I’m a political science and English double major getting ready for law school. My whole life is stress.”

I chuckle sadly. “Sounds like a nightmare.”

“It is. A nightmare I chose...” He spins the cigarette pack between two fingers. I know he’s just fiddling but it looks so damn cool when he does it.

“Doesn’t seem like you’re happy about that choice.”

His eyes shift over to me without moving his head. “Since when do you know anything about my feelings?”

I shrug, crossing my arms. “I usually know what sadness looks like.”

Ty sighs. He rubs his temple slowly with his elegant ring finger. (What is with my finger fetish today?) “Ever since I was little, it was expected that I follow in the family tradition. Get perfect grades, go to a good university, go to an even better law school, become a lawyer, then finally take over the family practice. It’s what my mother did. It’s what I’m supposed to do.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Doesn’t matter what I want,” he scoffs.

I tilt my head towards him, but not too close to scare him away. “Well, if you could do what you want, what would you do?”

“I told you, it doesn’t mat-”

“Then pretend it does matter. What would you do for the rest of your life?”

Ty sinks further into the bench. It makes his stupid tweed jacket bunch up slightly, and he almost looks like a normal young adult. “Honestly, I just want to read books forever.”

I giggle quietly, and Ty glares at me with a now obvious flush in his cheeks. “Fuck off,” he snarls.

“I’m not laughing at you!” He doesn’t look convinced. “It’s just, when I first saw you, I never expected you to be a total bookworm. You seem too posh for that.” Ty snorts, keeping his arms crossed. He won’t meet my eyes. I lean closer, and he doesn’t back away. “Reading books forever sounds hellish to me, but it sounds like heaven for you. It’s a great idea. Why not do it?”

Ty’s glare somehow gets even more intense. His eyes are just slivers of beautiful grey. “Because I’m a responsible person, unlike you.”

The words hit me right in the gut. I scowl deeply at him. “That is beyond not okay. You don’t know me, you don’t know my life. So you don’t get to spew shit like that just because you’re pissed off. Got it?”

Honestly, I’m surprised how clear and articulate I’m being. A year with Dr. Margaret has made it a lot easier for me to stand up for myself in a meaningful way, not just with growls and punching. But still, it’s hard, and I did this so easily. I’ve really made progress.

Ty scowls back, but I don’t back down. I’ve always been good at standing my ground, thankfully. Slowly, Ty’s face falls and gets less angry. In fact, he looks a bit regretful. We slowly move apart again. He takes a few deep breaths before he finally speaks again.

“You’re right,” he says, “I’m sorry.”

“Good, apology accepted.” I lean my cheek onto my fist. “Seems both of us are having trouble with our futures.”

“Mine is secure.”

“But not happy.”

He rubs his lips together, like he’s chewing his words. “That doesn’t matter.”

“Why not? Why not do what you want instead?”

“Because I’ve already applied to law school!”

“Okay.” I put my back to the bench again, staring up at the sky through the trees. “Well, I’m nearly done with my maths and am about to start my teaching degrees. Then I've got a private school job lined up, but who knows? Maybe I’ll hate the job and quit and work at shitty customer service jobs for years until I decide to get my shit together and find an actually good teaching gig at a school I like.”

Ty’s dark brows furrow together. “That is extremely specific.”

I shrug, hoping my smirk doesn't say too much. “I don’t know, just a possibility.”

“Alright,” he snorts. “My life will be fine, it won’t go off the rails.”

He looks so sure and resolute. I don’t think I’m going to change his mind, and I don’t think it’s my job to. I can’t save everyone, something Dr. Margaret taught me. Plus I just met this guy. No matter how pretty he is, I don’t know him. (Wish I did.) Hopefully he can figure out his own shit.

“Okay. Your life, you can figure it all out.” I put my hands behind my head, leaning back, staring at the sky.

“Your life is going to be fine,” Ty says. “Agatha says that despite what you think, you’re smart. And I’m partial to agree. You have trouble with relationships, but who doesn’t? You’ve still got a good head on your shoulders. You’ll figure everything out too.”

I can feel my face turns bright red, and from the smirk on Ty’s face he can see it. I rub the back of my neck, trying to use my arm to hide my blush. “Y’know, I get why Agatha liked you. You’re weirdly nice and, well, really hot.”

Now it’s Ty’s turn to have his eyes go wide. He looks very cute. “Wow, you’re pretty forward for a straight guy.”

“Whoever said I was straight?” I smirk at him with one eyebrow raised. I hope I look confident and sexy and not just fucking weird.

“Oh.” His voice is almost a squeak. “I’m sorry I assumed.”

“S’alright, common mistake.” I look down at my stupid Nokia. “Wow, you’re beyond late for your class.”

Ty scoffs. “And who’s fault is that?”

“Okay, yeah, guilty as charged. You should probably get to it though. Need good grades for law school and all.”

“Yes, good point.” He stands up, and I follow, hands in my pockets. I both hate and love that Ty is a little taller than me. “But...it was nice to talk to you, Snow.”

“Feeling’s mutual, Ty. So, uh, see you around.”

I grin brightly, then turn around before I say something really stupid. I usually do in front of pretty people. Plus I need to see Agatha. That’s why I’m here, back in 2003. I’m not supposed to be chasing after a pretty guy who went to my uni ages ago. Even if he is like, really pretty.

“Simon.” His voice makes me stop in my tracks and turn back.

“Yeah?”

Ty steps forward and holds out a scrap of lined paper. “Since you’re newly single, and now I know you’re not straight, give me a call sometime? If you’re up to it, that is.”

My brain completely short circuits. Blows a fuse. Maybe every fuse. I just stare at Ty with my mouth hanging open for a bit too long. Ty starts to look genuinely concerned. But thankfully the synapses start firing again and I shake it off.

“Um, y-yeah,” I say. “Yeah, I would like that.” I take the paper. “Uh, thank you.”

“You’re most welcome. I hope to see you around as well.”

I watch as he walks away, and I’m mesmerised by the way his hips swing. Fuck, he is so hot. And he likes me. I honestly have no clue why but I’m not going to question it. I have to make sure to call him before I go back to 2020. But right now I have to find Agatha, so I carefully put the paper in the smallest pocket of my bag, then dash off towards Aggie’s dorm.

———————————————

I knock on the door softly, and there’s no answer at first. “Aggie?” I say. “I came here to say I’m sorry. I won’t yell, I promise.”

Still silence at first. I nearly leave, but then the sound of soft footsteps comes from under the door. The doorknob slowly turns and my pulse increases every second. Agatha is wearing her purple Watford lacrosse sweater, a pair of my trackies that I left behind last week, and blonde hair piled up in a bun. Her eyes are puffy and her cheeks are red. My stomach drops at the sight.

“What are you sorry for?” she asks, voice low and flat. She sounds more tired than angry. For some reason that hurts even more.

I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry for how I treated you, Ags. Our relationship didn’t fall apart for no reason. I didn’t pay attention to what you wanted and took you for granted. I was a terrible boyfriend. And I’m really, really sorry.” I start nervously pulling at my hair. “I-I’m not saying we should get back together. We weren’t happy, and you deserve someone who will put you first. But I still want to be your friend. You’re one of my first and best friends. I’m not sure how to do that, considering I was such an shit boyfriend, but can we figure it out? Together?”

Agatha rubs her lips together, taking slow deep breaths. Her fingers tap against the door one by one. I don’t know if I’m going to throw up or run or both. All are possible. But then Agatha nods slowly.

“Okay,” she sighs.

“Okay?”

“Let’s try to be friends again. I don’t want to lose you either.”

I grin ear to ear. “Okay, awesome, that’s great. I’m so glad you want to as well. I do love you, Ags, and I’m sorry I hurt you so much.”

“Apology accepted, Si, so you don’t need to do it anymore. Let’s just move forward, alright?”

“Alright, yeah, I’d like that.” I rub my neck and nervously gnaw at my lip. “Um, could I hug you? As a friend?”

She smiles softly. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her smile. Not just because I’m from the future, but I can’t remember the last time she smiled back when we were together. I hope I can make her smile more now.

“Yeah,” she says, “that would be nice.”

We both step forward and throw our arms around each other. I haven’t hugged Agatha in a long time either. Sure, we snogged and had sex, (though not very often honestly), but this is so much better. There’s no pressure or nerves. It feels normal. The most normal I’ve ever felt with her.

As we slowly part, we’re still smiling. “You,” Agatha pokes my chest, “need to study for your exam on Monday.”

I chuckle and nod, being silently thankful I’m not doing that exam again. Once was more than enough. “Yeah, I know. This felt more important though. You’re more important.”

She blinks in confusion. I can’t blame her. Past me was always too focused on my work so that I could reach the happy ending I always wanted. Future me is figuring out that there is no happy ending. There’s just life, and I have to make it what I want, not just wait for happiness to fall into my lap. I haven’t got it down pat but I’m getting there. That’s more than good enough.

“Well, I’m definitely glad to hear that,” Agatha says. “Call me tomorrow. We’ll go get brunch, okay?”

I nod enthusiastically. “Sounds great.” The voice in the back of my head reminds me about the small fact of time travel, and that when I go back to 2015, past me is only going to remember bits and pieces of this day. “But, uh, studying may fry my brain. So could you maybe call instead? And I’ll call next time?”

Agatha sighs with exasperation, but she’s still smiling. “Alright, that’s a valid excuse.” She presses a small kiss to my cheek. It’s completely platonic, and it feels great. “See you later, Simon.”

“Yeah, definitely.” I hug her tight one more time before I go. She gives me a kind wave before closing her door. I’m grinning like a mad man as I walk down the hell. I did it, I saved my friendship with Agatha. I’m so damn happy. Plus I met Ty.

Oh right. I reach into my bookbag, feeling around for my notebook. My hand curls over the rings of the spine as I push open the stairwell door. And I instantly fall face first onto the dirty public school floor.

“Mr, Snow!” Ms. Petty, the nicest janitor in the entire school, possibly in the whole world, rushes to me. “Are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” I say. “I’m fine. Just clumsy.”

“Here, let me help.”

I take her hand and she hoists me to my feet. I still feel a bit dizzy, a small side effect of time travel I know all too well now. Ms. Petty keeps a hand on my back until I regain my bearings. “Alright, I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll be alright.”

“Okay, dearie.” She pats my shoulder. “Go get some rest, get your mind off work.”

“Right, yeah, work...”

Ebb gives me one last comforting pat and goes back to sweeping the hallway floor. I wave at her as I leave, hoping she doesn’t see the distress in my face.

Fuck.

———————————————

AN: Chapter 2 will be posted within the next week, i.e whenever I'm well enough to edit it lol. See you all next time!

#carry on #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #carry on fanfiction #being erica au #time travel #time travel therapy #fluff #angst #first meeting #mysnowbazfic

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its-pronounced-quoassoint · 5 years

Text

Power Rangers AU-Chapter 3

Pairings: romantic Logicality, Prinxiety, Demus, Remile

This Chapter Features: YouTuber!Patton, Patton centric story line

This Chapter Warnings: crying, angst, mentions of dead characters, reluctantcy, sympathetic Remus

Credit for this AU goes to @when-day-met-the-knight (specifically this post).

If you would like to be added to the taglist for this fic please let me know in reply!

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Chapter 3-Pink

Patton kept a diary. When he was younger he would stay up late at night, using pens to write in composition notebooks. Assigning different colors to different days of the week, doodling in the margins, dating every page in the top right corner, and taking time to think of a title for each day. At the bottom of every page Patton would rate how well the day was on a scale of one to five and doodle a little face that showed how he felt.

Keeping a diary was one of the few constants in Patton's life. After so much change and heartbreak, holding on to something, as silly as diary keeping, made Patton’s time a little more enjoyable.

When he received his first phone, Patton decided that a digital diary would be more convenient. He downloaded a simple note taking app, and began writing about his day there.

The advantage to a digital diary was he could write wherever he wanted. Patton sat on the bus to school, typing fervently. It was their first day back since the last attack and he had not gotten enough homework done as he would have liked. Patton was letting out some feelings onto his phone and listening to the chatter of the kids around him.

Patton is very aware of the fact that many of them were staring at him in awe. Especially the middle schoolers. Typically his audience on YouTube was middle schoolers. He knew having a few million subscribers got him attention and Patton had accepted that attention as part of his everyday life. It meant nothing to him now. A sort of bitter exchange. He didn’t feel the nervousness he used to when people approached him for pictures. The right feelings he got when young minds randomly appeared next to him and wanted to ask about being a YouTuber. However, that also meant he didn’t get the rush of happiness when some small kid praised or thanked him. He didn’t really feel that delighted feeling of pride anymore.

Patton typed on his phone until the bus pulled up to the high school. Patton stepped off the bus after almost tripping over several small kids in the bus isle. He began rolling up to the school, warm humid air hitting him. It had rained horribly the day before and him, along with several other fluffy haired people, were feeling the affects.

Patton opened the doors for a few high schoolers behind him and walked in. Heading for his locker immediately. After gathering his things Patton began taking his bag to his first hour.

“Hey Pat.” The familiar voice of Naomi, one of his close friends, greeted him.

“Hey Mi.” Patton smiled at her, moving a little in the hall so she could walk next to him.

“How was break?”

“Ugh, did not get any homework for Leed’s class done.” Patton rolled his eyes. “But, ya know, got some editing finished.”

“Well, I don’t think the teachers honesty expect us to have gotten anything done.” Naomi tried to soothe him.

“Yeah.” Patton sighed. They stepped into their shared first hour and continued to talk. A few more friends walked in and began talking with them, but Patton dropped away from them quickly.

He never felt particularly attached to the people in his school. It was hit or miss with people you talked to. Patton was very aware of his social standing as ‘the most popular person in high school’, but he attributed that to his YouTube channel’s success. It wasn’t like he didn’t have friends. He certainly had people wanting to be his friend. However, it was never the type of connection that Patton would see on tv. No best friend sleepovers, skipping class together, eating cookies late at night while watching Netflix. Patton wasn’t proud of the fact that he didn’t have a close friend like that, but he figured he should take what he gets.

Besides, he still had friends.

Lunch was an easy time for Patton. He typically sat with Naomi in the library. Sure that’s not what one would expect from a popular socialite like Patton, but the cafeteria was simply too loud. Hectic and scary were adjectives Patton often described lunch as. He didn’t eat much at lunch either. He never really ate much. There wasn’t a lot of time to eat.

Patton often spent his time listening to his friends’ problems, studying, doing something for the array of clubs he was in, or editing for YouTube. There wasn’t much time for anything else, but that was okay. Patton enjoyed doing all of those-besides studying-so it wasn’t like he missed anything. There was nothing to miss when he didn’t know of much else he could do.

Mondays were usually not the favorite day of the week for any student, never mind any person. However, they were Patton’s favorite. Why? Well, Mondays after school, Patton got to go down to the freshman biology teacher’s room and run the QSA at his school. He loved the QSA. He had been going since 8th grade, when he couldn’t technically go because he wasn’t in high school.

However, he dedicated a lot of time to the QSA and had become the president of the club in junior year. He was elated to be in it and was able to get together a team to spread the word about it and set up fun activities. It was one of the only things about school that Patton documented in his YouTube videos.

Patton didn’t like to talk about school too much for fear of it interfering with him graduating, but he was able to take videos of everything that happened with QSA. Much to the delight of his viewers.

Patton sat anxiously in 6th hour, awaiting the final bell that meant he could head down to the club room. Sadly though, sixth hour was just getting under way, so he would have to wait.

“Welcome back to sixth hour!” Patton’s calc teacher, Mrs. Ryans began. “I know school only had been a few weeks in when the attacks hit, and it essentially feels like the next semester, but we’ll be doing a small project!”

The class cheered a little. Projects for her class were typically easier than usual class work. She would often pair up students to work on it together, making it all the easier on Patton. Usually Mrs. Ryans paired Patton with Logan, who was more than happy to help Patton on the project. Patton loved partnering with Logan, he was understanding of Patton’s schedule and never got frustrated with Patton’s inability to meet in order to work on the project. Though Patton had heard he was quite the opposite with other partners in different classes.

“So, I didn’t really have the time nor the care to make a list of partners, so, your table partners will do for this.” Mrs. Ryans sighed.

Patton met Logan’s eye with a disappointed look and shrugged. Logan returned the sentiment before looking toward Remus next to him. Logan smacked the snickering idiot.

Patton turned to his table partner Dee and gave him a warm smile that was met with a side smile, reserved for Patton alone.

“Donnie can you pass out the papers?” Mrs. Ryans asked.

“Sure!” Donnie smiled and stood, grabbing the stack of papers that explained the assignment.

“Mrs. Ryans! Dee and I need to be partners.” Kayley Holt said a few rows behind Patton.

“Uh, no.” Mrs. Ryans trailed off giving Kayley a questioning look.

“But we have to be. We have co-dependency anxiety and we’re both super anxious without each other! We have to be partners.” Kayley demanded.

Patton looked over to Dee who held a blank expression rivaling Lady Gaga’s ‘poker face’. Patton could tell he was not happy with the arrangement Kayley was trying to pull.

“You know what Kayley, I know you’re lying to me about this so don’t even try and pull this stunt again, but fine, you and Dee can be partners. Just don’t whine when you two both get Cs on the assignment cause you didn’t work.” Mrs. Ryans pointed at Kayley. Then pointed at her table partner. “Roman, you’ll pair with Patton.”

Patton smiled over at Roman who dramatically smiled back.

“This will be due on Friday and I expect it typed, nothing handwritten! Heck knows you people write in hieroglyphics.” Mrs. Ryans dismissively waved her hand. “You will have Thursday in class to work on it if you need but if you don’t you can just have this as a free hour.”

Patton received the paper and began reading over the project. Dee and Roman switched places and the two dove into the work. Dividing it between themselves and scheduling times to meet to work on it.

“Are you free tonight after QSA?” Roman asked.

“Yeah, you?”

“Mhm. I don’t think Logan or Remus have anything going on either. We can all kinda work on it together at my place.” Roman turned to where Logan and Remus sat across the room. “Logan! Remus! Come here.”

Logan and Remus turned to Roman who was waving them over enthusiastically. The two look at each other before Logan shrugged and began walking their way. Logan and Remus sat down across from Patton and Roman, the four began talking about going to the twins’ home after QSA to work on the project.

“Well what am I supposed to do while you three are in your club?” Remus asked

“You can come if you want. We’re doing some stuff for the underclassmen for homecoming.” Patton told Remus.

“I though they called off Homecoming.” Roman looked at Pat.

“Well, they did,” Patton trailed off. “but the freshmen on the QSA group chat were so upset, I mean I couldn’t let them be so disappointed.”

“What did you do? Pay ‘em off?” Remus whispered.

“What?! No!” Patton whispered back. Not fully knowing why he was whispering, so he stopped. “I just argued to the superintendent that they deserved a Homecoming.”

“How? He never changes his mind.” Roman smiled.

“Well, I mean, I’m good at convincing people, I guess.” Patton shrugged. “But yeah, homecoming is back on.”

“None of us go to homecoming though.” Roman pointed out.

“Yeah, but the freshmen and sophomores like going and some juniors go and I know I don’t have time to go, but they deserve some fun. The town’s ten pm curfew doesn’t exactly give any kids the chance to hang out with their friends like normal teenagers.” Patton explained.

“Well, it’s nice for you to do something for them. Having experiences with their friends, like homecoming, will make it all the easier to deal the trauma of the attacks.” Logan finally said.

“Thank you Logan.” Patton nodded. “Now, is that all settled. We just head to your place after QSA?”

“Yep.” Roman nodded.

Patton smiled at him and began texting his foster mother the plan. Class ended a while after that and the four began their walk to the science wing of the school. Heading to Mr. Travis’s-the QSA faculty advisor-room. The room was already full of kids from every grade. Eager freshmen were talking nervously to their friends while the other two seniors looked around commenting on how they were used to it by now.

“Hey guys!” Patton said as he entered.

“Patton!” Jana, a sophomore, squeaked when he entered. “I passed the project!”

“I knew you would! You’ve gotta stop doubting yourself.” Patton congratulated her.

“I know, I know.” She giggled. “Camera?” Jana put out her hands expectantly.

“Here!” Patton walked over to one of the cabinets and pulled out the camera he used for filiming. He handed it to Jana who giddily heded over to tripod and began setting up eqquipment. "Okay everyone, before I begin with what we're doing today can we set up the tables into one long table?"

The group got up from their chairs, still chatting, and began arranging the tables the way Patton had asked. Once done helping, Patton walked to the 'head' of their make-shift table and sat down. Jana started up the cameras and sound and Patton began.

"Homecoming is back on, which means another year of having to find a date, dress nice, and so on. So, what I’ve decided to do, is spend this week, next week, and however much longer making flower crowns.” Patton announced. “I know it’s a little childish, but pride flag flower crowns are so much fun to make and afterward you get really good at them”

“I love it.” Cami, one of the juniors said.

“Thanks Cami.” Patton smiled. “Make some for yourself, make some for our friends, make pride flag ones, make any color ones, doesn’t matter, just use all the flowers. I printed out a bunch of instructions on different types of crowns and other jewelry you can make with the flowers. Just have fun with it!”

Mr. Travis entered the room with loads of flowers in his hand and his daughter trailing behind, also carrying many flowers.

“Here we are.” He grunted, setting them down.

“Thanks Mr. Travis.” Patton smiled. “Let’s get started!”

The club dispersed into groups and began making crowns, chatting with their friends, and goofing around. Patton was pulled over to a group of sophomores and freshmen who wanted to talk.

He looked over to see Logan, Roman, and Remus talking quietly while making the crowns. Patton smiled, even Remus was making a pride flag flower crown.

After some time he walked over to Logan, Roman, and Remus. The three stopped talking quickly and focused a little too intensely on the flower crowns.

QSA ended far too quickly for Patton’s liking, but he and the three others left for Roman’s house soon. They talked the whole way, mainly Remus, and were very quickly entering the home.

Patton and Roman went to the living room and lazily began talking about the project. Logan and Remus went to the dining room and Logan attempted to make progress while Remus threw Cheetos in the air and tried to catch them in his mouth.

Patton looked around the house. It was huge. Large eggshell white walls and intimidating furnishings. It barely looked lived in.

“Hey Roman,” Patton started, “can you point me to the bathroom?”

“Yeah sure, the closest one is just down that hallway.” Roman pointed to a dark hallway. “I’m pretty sure it’s on the right. You’ll find it.”

“Thanks.” Patton smiled.

He got up and headed that way, not quite sure what he was doing. He didn’t need to go to the bathroom, but something about the house felt so familiar. He had to find out why. Why did being in the home feel off yet inviting. It didn’t make any sense. Patton has always been good at feelings. Knowing what they are in him and observing them in others. This though, this was different.

Patton walked down the hallway toward a door, feeling the pull even more intensely. Every step was pulling him forward. Why was it so familiar?

Patton opened the door and stepped into an extremely dark room. Patton’s eyes could barely adjust. Without realizing it he had entered the room and was running his hand along the objects in the room. The feeling grew to an overwhelming point and Patton tried to pull away and go back to the living room, but to no avail. Then something grabbed him. It wrapped around his wrist and tightened into a perfect fit. Patton was finally able to pull his hand back and looked at the thing on his wrist.

A bracelet. Glowing pink and swirling around his wrist.

Patton screamed.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” Patton continued. He just stared at the bracelet in horror trying to get it off him as fast as possible.

Patton distantly heard Logan call his name. Pounding footsteps headed his way and the lights around him were flipped on.

Patton barely noticed, he just focused on tearing the bracelet off of him.

“Patton?!” Logan yelled for his attention.

“Get it off, get it off, oh please just get this thing off of me.” Patton cried out.

“What?” Roman started, but stopped when Patton turned and showed them the bracelet. “Oh.”

“Please just get it off, please, please,” Patton suddenly stopped, staring at Remus. “You-you’re-“

“Remus!“ Roman chided, noticing the mace he had in his hand.

“What? We didn’t know why Patton was screaming! It could have been a minion.”

“Jeez Remus.” Roman shook his head.

“You’re the Green Ranger?” Patton asked shakily. “Which one are you Logan?”

“I-uh blue.” Logan hurried out an answer.

“Logan! You can’t just tell every pretty boy you’re the Blue Ranger!” Roman smacked Logan on the shoulder.

“I’m not!” Logan’s face turned a bright red.

“Oh this is a disaster.” Roman sighed.

“I know.” Logan looked away.

“Look, I don’t care! I won’t tell anyone, I promise! You can trust me! Just please get this off of me! I don’t want to be a Ranger please!” Patton begged.

“Patton-“

“Can you take this off or not?” Patton asked, tears welling in his eyes.

“I-uh-no.” Logan stuttered. “We don’t know how.”

“Fine.” Patton stood and looked at Roman. His expression hard as tears began falling ever so slightly. “I need to borrow your car.”

“What?” Roman asked startled.

“I need to borrow your car, drive to Thomas, and get him to pull this horrible thing off my wrist.” Patton said, his voice steady.

“Patton we-“

“Please.” Patton broke down into a quiet sob. “Please just let me-“

“We’ll drive you. It’s unsafe to drive when you’re upset like this.” Logan said quickly. “Roman let’s go.”

“Ok-okay.” Roman turned and headed out of the room.

The four quickly ran out of the house and into a car. Roman started it up and began driving. Remus sat quietly in the passenger seat, looking at Patton nervously. Logan and Patton sat in the back, Patton silently crying into Logan’s chest. Logan wrapped an arm around Patton’s shoulders, holding him soothingly.

They pulled up to Thomas’s house and frantically ran to the front door.

“Thomas! Thomas! We need you open up!” Roman knocked on the door loudly.

The door swung open and a little kid stood there worried. “What’s going on?”

“Emile! Where’s your dad?” Roman asked frantically.

“Coming coming! What is it?! Is someone hurt! What happened?” Thomas asked. He looked at the four.

Remus and Roman stood awkwardly on the small porch. And a little ways behind them, Logan held a crying Patton.

“Wha-“ Thomas stopped himself. “Patton?”

“Thomas!!” Patton pulled away from Logan and raced to Thomas. He fell into Thomas’s arms and sobbed harder.

“Oh Pat. It’s okay I-I know.” Thomas tried soothing him. “Come on lets all go inside.”

Thomas led the four inside. Patton collapsed on the couch and looked around, drying his tears.

“Thomas, get it off of me.” Patton started shakily.

“Patton, you know that��s not how it works.”

“I don’t care. It needs to come off. I’m not breaking my last promise with Talyn. I won’t do it.” Patton shook his head. Once again grabbing at the bracelet and trying to pull it off.

Emile put a hand on Patton’s bracelet to stop him from tanking at it.

“Patton, you know Talyn would be proud of you no matter what. They knew that it wasn’t a choice you got to make. You were chosen. They would be so proud to know you’re the next Pink Ranger.” Thomas smiled.

“No!” Patton’s tears started up yet again. “I promised! I said I would never! I told them I would never become a Ranger. It’s dangerous and heartbreaking and it tore Talyn away from me! It took Joan and Talyn from me! It took them both and it almost took you!”

“Patton, I know.” Thomas sighed, stepping closer to Patton who only pulled away.

Roman, Remus, and Logan stood in the kitchen eyeing the scene and trying to understand whatever was going on.

“I can’t do this. I won’t do this.” Patton stated firmly.

“Patton, don’t you remember when you were younger and all you wanted to be was a Ranger? You were so excited to be everything Talyn was and more.”

“I was young. And stupid. And I still am. I’m not ready for this. Talyn didn’t want this.”

“Talyn knew that this would happen. They knew you would be Ranger. It was simply your destiny. You know that. We all knew that.” Thomas sighed. “Talyn just didn’t want you to feel pressured. Talyn knew the risks and didn’t want you to go through the pain.”

“If it weren’t for the morphers, Talyn, and Joan, and Valerie, and Terrence, and Dominic would all still be here! You wouldn’t have been the only Ranger for the past ten years! You wouldn’t be doing this on your own.” Patton cried.

“Pat-“

“Thomas, please just get it off of me.” Patton held out his wrist to Thomas. “Please. I can’t do this, please.”

"Patton. I-I-"

"Pat, please." Emile took Patton's jaw in his hand. "I know it hurts, but think about what you're doing. You know you can't take it off. Once it's on you, you can't just take the morpher off. It's there and there's nothing you can do. So, what you need to do, is live up to that amazing loving person the morpher chose. The morpher chose you because you bring heart and care and compassion to the team. You're made for this role and I know you can do it. Though you may not feel it now, it's still there."

"Emile-“

“When we were so much younger do you remember pretending to be Rangers together. You were always the brave Pink Ranger, swooping in your save me from the Dragon Witch. You just wanted to help me. You’ve always wanted to be a Ranger and you’ve always wanted to help people. Please don’t give up on that. You know for a fact Talyn only said that to try and keep you safe. No matter what you’ve promised them, or Joan, or Megan, you want to do this.” Emile stopped him. “You don’t have to be afraid. You’ve got a team by your side.”

They sat in silence. Patton’s tears had dried on his face and he desperately tried to talk but found no sound coming out. His chest heaved and ached. Patton could only squeeze Emile’s hand in his and sniffle.

“I’m sorry.” Patton squeaked. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. Pat of course you’d feel this way. No one expects you to immediately want to be a Ranger. Especially after what happened with Talyn. No one blames you for feeling this way.” Thomas assured him.

“Thank you, I-I know. I know it’s okay. It just still doesn’t feel that way. It doesn’t feel-feel-feel-“

“I’m sure it doesn’t. But it’s okay.” Emile whispered.

Patton collapsed into Emile, just crying into the smaller boy. “It hurts so bad.”

Emile nodded and ran a soothing hand through Patton’s hair. As Patton continued trying to control his sobbing he felt more arms wrap around him. He shifted to see Roman, Remus, and Logan holding him gently, too gently. It was like they though one squeeze would break Patton in half.

“You’re going to be the best Pink Ranger to ever fight.” Roman told him.

“Thank you I-I’m okay.” Patton smiled sweetly at the boys hugging him.

They pulled away, but stayed close.

“I’m going to be okay.” Patton said a little shakily but calm.

I’m ready. Patton wrote late that night in his diary. I’m going to be okay.

Taglist:

@tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors@maddarc@pheonix-inside-reblogs@thisismysanderssidesblog@almost-all-my-ships-are-gay@mostpeopleannoyme@the-smol-est@i-sexually-identify-as-a-mistake@nadja-chamack16@too-bi-too-function

#patton sanders #YouTuber!Patton #power rangers au #thatsthat24 #logicality #prinxiety #demus #remile

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