#i love this painting so much because I grew up in this road

[hairtusk]

The Long Causeway, Looking Back to Heptonstall, Yorkshire by Stanley Warburton (1919-2012)

[heesdreamer]

HALF RETURN

PAIRING ➩ jay x reader

SUMMARY ➩ your small towns yearly fall festival was your biggest pride and joy but getting your friends to help volunteer was nearly impossible. luckily one of them was stupid enough and too secretly inlove with you to help himself from offering.

WC ➩ 15.6k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ Surprise! It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and wrote something that I actually enjoyed but this was a lot of fun to write and hopefully the start of me coming back on here in the future. It’s not my most exciting or hot and heavy piece of work but if you’re looking for a light fluffy small town read then I really hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. Happy fall everybody and thanks for your patience and support as always. NOT AT ALL PROOFREAD

The cold bite of fall had always been your favorite time of year, finding it easiest to romanticize both its pros and its cons.

Which was something you did with just about everything and everyone you ever encountered, making them larger than life as a character in your story before they were leaving and their starring chapter was turning the page with them.

So it was your favorite time of year for many reasons, the realistic ones like the fact it was the slowest months of work and you got more paid time off than you probably deserved, but also because it was so terribly romantic in all the sniffly nose and itchy sweater goodness that came along with it.

That’s why it was no surprise to the people around you that you were constantly surrounding yourself with fall activities and hobbies. Your small town didn’t offer much, mainly known for biking through the winding roads of the mountains and the sleek dark concrete that always seemed to be wet because of the constant rainfall. It did, however, have a yearly fall festival that you had been volunteering at since you were in middle school.

You’d always heard people growing up who talked about wanting to get out of your hometown, dreamily describing big cities they’d seen on vacations and how much different the world was past the mountains and trees.

You never felt the longing to escape something this beautiful and rare and while you figured the world outside was as amazing as they described, you preferred where you had grown up. It was quiet and easy to memorize, everybody knew everybody and treated each other like family so nobody stole from others or treated them poorly. It was easy to love and, in your mind, easy to stay in as you grew old and had your own family.

Despite your own strong feelings towards your hometown, your friends probably wanted to escape it more than the average person.

You’d spent more than a few dozen hangouts laying in various basements across old couches and listening to them talk about their dreams, dreams that would take them hundreds of miles away from this town and hundreds of miles away from you.

That didn’t stop you from excitedly rushing over to the assigned hangout house for the weekend, your bike tires going so fast they were kicking up mud onto your bare legs as you pushed your thighs past your limit to peddle.

You were hurriedly hopping off once you caught sight of the familiar house, leaning your bike against the chipped paint on the side of it and quickly kicking off your dirty shoes as you greeted the mother of one of your best friends. She wasn’t at all thrown off by your quick entry or the fact you were disappearing into the basement before she could respond or tell you to clean off your dirty legs, more than used to your group of friends coming and going as the sun set.

The sounds of your pounding footsteps didn’t even grab the attention of the group of people hanging out in the basement, only one looking up to watch you as you stumbled in.

“I have great news.” You announced with a large smile, hands extended towards them to really drive forward the importance of your words .

Jay, one of your lifelong friends and the one who had watched you as you entered, raised his eyebrows in question and sat up slightly, a direct opposite of the others who didn’t even bother to acknowledge you yet.

“Mrs. Potter broke her leg.” You squeaked out the news and clenched your hands into excited fist, your smile only faltering when Sunghoon was turning to look at you with a confused glare and Heeseung stopped plucking at the guitar strings he was tuning to give you a look of bewilderment. The room fell silent and you dropped your hands against your sides in upset.

“I know she can be a bit of a nag but is that really something to celebrate?” Jungwon had an eyebrow cocked as he looked at you finally but you could see a hint of amusement on his face.

You were dramatically groaning and sulking your way over to the couch, flopping down onto the spot next to Jay and failing to fully notice the way he was tensing up for a second and then awkwardly clearing his throat when your leg brushed against his. You wrote it off as him being weary of the mud on your legs getting onto his pants, giving him a quick sorry glance before scooting over a tad.

“Of course I’m not happy about her broken leg.” You shot Jungwon a glare for his purposefully wrong assumption and he gave you a smile, eyebrows raising and hiding behind his bangs for a second. “But since she’s injured, may she heal quickly, that means there’s an open job at the fair.”

The finality of the news drew out immediate reactions from your friends. Presenting in the form of an eye roll from Jungwon as he immediately lost interest in the conversation, a disbelieving laugh from Sunghoon and an apologetic smile from Heeseung.

“Sorry Y/N but I helped you last year.” He was shaking his head and plucking at the strings again, happy he had an excuse and the others didn’t.

“That was six years ago.” You deadpanned at him, remembering all too well considering how terrible of a volunteer the tall boy had been. It wasn’t long before he was being asked to step down by the couple who ran it so his position could be filled by somebody who didn’t let the popcorn machine overflow or hand out free prizes to any kid that sniffled and gave him their best begging puppy eyes.

He just shrugged at your correction and your frown deepened despite the fact you’d already figured they’d say no considering they’d been doing so for almost a decade. You had hoped the guilt from Mrs. Potters injury would have been enough to convince at least one of the four boys.

“You’ve been asking us for all this time and we’ve never accepted. Why not ask Jake from the soccer team, doesn’t he have the hots for you?” Sunghoon was speaking in a bored tone as he relayed the information, not paying enough attention to notice the way you froze up and stared at him in confusion.

“Dude…” Heeseung trailed off as he shot his friend an annoyed stare, stretching out his leg so he could kick the boys knee in a form of scolding.

“Jake likes me?” You sat up straighter and stared at the oldest boy, trusting his word over the other threes. “Like Jake Sim? How long have you guys known about this?”

They exchanged guilty looks between themselves and you turned to look at the boy closest to you for answers instead.

Jay had always been the most mature out of your little group, even when you were all kids pushing each other around on the playground. He seemed like the oldest at times even though Heeseung took that role, strikingly alert and calm when situations caused everyone else to panic. You definitely weren’t the closest though friendship wise considering he wasn’t the biggest talker, more likely to stand in the corner and take small sips of his drink than actually engage in your loud conversations.

You always figured this was because he didn’t have any friends outside of your circle. The other boys had some more casual buddies, take Jake Sim for example, but Jay pretty much stuck to himself if he wasn’t with the four of you.

He had a certain energy that you weren’t used to seeing growing up, something about him being different than the others and that was including you and your friends. Even his look stood out, jet black hair with piercing eyes that only looked more intimidating considering he primarily wore dark clothes and a hint of smudged eyeliner.

Most people in town, and school growing up, found his presence overly intimidating and you’d heard your fair share of whispers about him and your group of friends.

His attempts to be seen as scary and keep people away from him never was turned onto you and you’d dealt with a lot of teasing from the others boy, making fun of Jay for having a soft spot for you or pouting that he let you do things he always refused to do for them. He’d glare at them until they shut up and moved on or he’d offer a soft shrug, followed by a hint of a smile when you giggled lightly at his lack of denial.

That’s why you were turning to face him now with wide and begging eyes, leaning against his side and wrapping your hand around his hoodie clothed arm to make sure his attention was on you, despite the fact it always seemed to be anyways.

“Did you hear Jake saying he likes me Jay?” Your voice was sickeningly sweet and you could hear the other boys groaning in disgust at your attempts to butter up their friend.

It didn’t seem to be working this time considering he was just staring at you with a blank expression, gaze dropping to where your hand was holding him for just a second like he was considering something before he was shrugging softly. You pouted again at his lack of response despite knowing your friend was a man of few words.

“He wouldn’t tell Jay anyways doofus, he knows that he-“ Heeseung was laughing as he started to speak and explain something that was abruptly cut off by Jungwon aggressively chucking the magazine he was flipping through in his direction.

The older boy let out a yelp and held his hands up in surrender. You looked back at Jay confused and waiting for him to fill in the blanks, even more lost when you noticed him glaring at Heeseung with a slightly fearful expression under the anger.

You suddenly remembered you were still holding onto his arm and you gently squeezed it to try and bring his attention for you, grateful it worked when he was awkwardly meeting your gaze again and sighing softly. You cocked an eyebrow in silent conversation as you waited for him to tell you what they were being suspicious about, grateful that in the background Heeseung had started to strum at his guitar again and the other two begun to talk about nonsense.

“Do you think Jake likes me enough to help me with the fair?” Your voice was a low whisper as you stared at him, leaning in slightly and missing the way his jaw clenched at your question.

“You know me and Jake aren’t friends Y/N, I wouldn’t know anything about it.” He was overwhelmingly glad your friends weren’t paying attention anymore because he knew for a fact his voice had taken on that extra sweet tone he only used with you, meeting your volume and also whispering softly despite the fact you both didn’t need to.

You were pouting again and not moving away from his face, so busy in your thoughts you once again failed to notice the way his eyes were dropping down to your pushed out lips that were closer to his than usual.

He knew you were just being dramatic, something you commonly were regardless of the situation, but he couldn’t stand seeing the expression on your face or the disappointment in your eyes. He was taking in a big breathy sigh, getting your attention again as you squeezed his arm and gave him another wide eyed and hopeful look.

“But you don’t need to ask him anyways because I’ll volunteer with you.”

You were breaking out into a wide smile at the same exact time the other boys in the room were making shocked and angry exclamations, being drowned out by your excited shriek, you closed the distance between you and Jay and leapt forward to give him a hug, pressing his back against the armrest of the couch and practically falling into his lap out of excitement.

“Dude what are you talking about? What about band practice?” Sunghoon’s annoyed tone was seeping through your happiness and piercing it with a knife of realization causing you to sit up slightly and look down at Jay in confusion.

“He’s right, what are you going to do about practice?” You were pouting at him again but slightly above him now considering you were still halfway in his lap with your arms wrapped around his neck. You watched the way his ears were turning red the longer you stayed in that position but you assumed he was just flustered from his plans colliding. “I can ask Jake if you’re busy it’s really no big deal.”

You heard a pained grunt from behind you and turned to see Sunghoon cradling his knee with a hurt expression, you followed his line of sight to see Jungwon glaring viciously at him.

“Sunghoon’s an idiot Y/N don’t listen to him, Jay is completely free to help you out with the fair.” Jungwon had taken on a sickeningly sweet tone and your nose scrunched up in disgust at the sound of it, looking between the four boys suspiciously.

None of them were meeting your gaze full out but you tried to ignore how weird they were all being about the situation, more excitement creeping back up at the confirmation you’d have help with the fair, especially since it was Jay who was miles more mature than the rest of them. You were squeezing him back into a hug with another happy squeal and he returned it weakly, eyeing Jungwon viciously over your shoulder.

——

You’d spend most of the following Monday morning getting ready for the first day of setting up the fair, tightly wrapping your scarf around your neck and settling your ear muffs just loose enough so you’d still be able to hear while avoiding the cold chill as it got later in the day.

Your morning hot chocolate was abandoned on the kitchen sink when you heard the soft bells chiming from outside your house, typically occupied by numerous other louder ringings but you knew who it was immediately judging by its gentle sound.

Looking out your living room window confirmed your suspicions seeing Jay sitting on his bike at the end of your drive way and staring down at his hands. He was picking at his fingers, a habit he’d adapted after the callouses from his guitar started to form more often.

Your fist was banging on the thick glass roughly, a smile on your face building when he jump slightly on his bike seat and looked up towards your direction with a startled expression. You waved at him and his shoulders released a little bit of tension, turning your hand over and fanning it towards you, silently instructing him to come inside.

He was hesitating for a second before you saw him gently lowering his bike down onto your front yard, bouncing in your stride as you went to open the door for him.

“I figured you’d want some cocoa before you were stuck in the cold all day.” You were quickly explaining your invitation inside to him as soon as you swung the wooden door open, he’d barely gotten up the steps and gave you a surprised look before nodding swiftly in agreement and coming inside.

You walked back to the kitchen with him in tow and tried to ignore the weird nervous feeling building in your stomach. You’d been alone with Jay countless times so you hadn’t thought much about it but the more you reflected back on it the more you realized you’d mainly sat in awkward silence for short durations waiting for the others to come back and ease the tension.

Pouring the steaming hot chocolate into a new mug for him, you told yourself to not take it personally.

Jay had always been on the quieter side and you knew it had nothing to do with you, as far as you were concerned. This was confirmed a bit when you glanced over your shoulder to see him awkwardly standing against the wall near the doorway, watching you as you poured the drinks but quickly diverting his attention around the room when you made eye contact.

You laughed softly, handling the hot handles carefully as you turned slowly, nudging your chin towards the living room so he understood where you were heading as you walked past him.

“Thank you again for helping me Jay.” You were speaking in a low voice as you sat on the couch, leaning over to hand him his drink considering he sat an entire cushion away from you. “I know you didn’t necessarily want to.”

He wasn’t responding out loud, just give you a soft nod of his head and looking down at the cup of hot chocolate awkwardly, twiddling his thumbs around the mugs handle and shifting in his spot on the couch. A frown was instinctively forming on your face at his silence and you wondered for a second if you should make up some excuse to free him of his responsibilities, maybe tell him you’d actually found somebody else to help out.

But then he was glancing at you and the corner of his mouth turned up just enough for you to notice and you felt better, a wide grin breaking out on yours.

“Oh.” Your eyes widened suddenly as you remembered something you’d gotten for him as a thank you, quickly telling him you’d be right back and rushing up the stairs to your bedroom, leaving him on the couch.

You returned swiftly with the fabric in your hands to see him sitting tensely in the same spot, waiting to see what you’d gotten so excited about. His eyebrows raised when you approached holding the long string of material and you smiled more at his clear hesitance, sitting directly next to him on the couch and turning to face him.

“What is that thing?” He was questioning in a low tone but you could hear the humor in the question, clearly amused by the monstrosity you were holding.

“I’ve taken up crocheting recently.” You explained to him with a smile, stretching out the clothing in your hands to show him exactly what it was you were gifting him. “I figured I’d make you a scarf so you didn’t get too cold helping me. It even matches mine.”

Your excitement was clear despite the fact it clearly didn’t match your store bought white scarf. The black fabric was lumpy and awkward, random strings sticking out in places they weren’t meant to be and barely forming a straight enough line to properly be a scarf.

Jay couldn’t have cared less about how the gift looked, he was flushed in the face just due to the fact you’d chosen to make him it in the first place. He figured you would have done it for whoever agreed to help you and he imagined you’d be gifting them all a lot of hand made things if the hobby managed to actually stick, but your smile when you shifted towards him more and indicated you wanted to put it on him was a gift enough in itself.

He watched your face closely as you delicately wrapped it around his neck, crossing the ends so it wouldn’t slip off easily or open up.

You were meeting his gaze for half a second and giving him a proud smile before a bright flash from the side of you was startling you both, jumping away from each other and widening the distance you hadn’t even realized was closing. You turned your head quickly to see what had made the interruption and a low groan pushed past your lips when you saw your mother standing there with her polaroid camera.

“I’m sorry! You two just looked so cute matching together.” She was giving you a sheepish grin as she poked her head out from behind the blocky camera, eyes teasing and glancing between both of you.

You glanced at Jay to see he had completely tensed up again, jaw tight as he avoided looking at you and stared towards your mother before going back to picking at his rough hands.

She wasn’t exactly wrong about the two of you matching, the scarves being the main point of focus but it didn’t help that Jay was wearing his typical head to two black clothing and you’d gone for a lightly colored white and tan pallet today, so perfectly opposite it almost looked intentional.

“It’s nice to see you as always Jay, it’s been a while since you’ve come around.” Your mothers tone was sweet as she spoke to him but you could see the curiosity on her face, causing you to quickly stand from the couch and butt in.

“Thanks mom but we really have to get going, can’t be late on the first day.” You gave her a tight smile and instinctively reached your hand backwards for Jay to take it.

It was left empty for a few seconds and you glanced over your shoulder to see him staring at it with confusion before he was setting his untouched mug down and clasping his rough hand in yours. You tugged him forward and he made a small shocked noise as you dragged him out of the house, listening to your mom call out wishing the two of you good luck with the fair.

You both stayed silent as he picked his bike up from off the wet grass and waited for you to unlock yours, your hands moving fast to switch the numbers and remove it from the rickety old piece of wood your mother called a handrail despite barely being stable enough for a twig to lean on it let alone a human.

Suddenly you felt an emotion you rarely did, embarrassment flooding through you as your neck got hotter and hotter under your scarf.

You found yourself wondering what Jay thought of the state of your house even though all the boys had been there over a dozen times and you’d never once considered picking up the messes your mom made in a rush or raking the pile of leaves and twigs surrounding your old porch.

Almost everyone in town was around the same class in terms of wealth and status, with the small exception of families like Heeseung’s who could afford weekly maintenance on their yards and a fully finished basement with little risk of flooding, but he was very generous with his extra space and would slyly cover lunches and treats without making a big deal about it.

You’d surprisingly never been to Jay’s house and you weren’t sure the other boys had been either.

He always insisted on walking home or being dropped off in the center of town claiming he had a ride on the way without giving too much information. You’d see Sunghoon, who was your usual driver, push it a few times but the uncomfortable look on the older boys face made you take a mental note to not pry for more details yourself.

You sighed when the lock finally popped up and glanced up just enough to see him still watching you patiently, not bothering to make snide remarks about your speed or rush you like your other friends might’ve.

“Sorry about my mom.” You started speaking once you pushed your bike over to where he was standing with his, both of you rolling them out of the driveway and down onto the empty street. The potholes were full of the brown rain water and specs of gravel here and there made it a bit risky to go too fast on your bike but you mounted it anyways.

He didn’t reply directly other than a shake of his head that indicated he saw no issue with it but the silence was killing you and you waited until his bike was steadily riding next to yours before speaking again.

“She’s just so overbearing sometimes and it’s totally embarrassing oh don’t worry she won’t do anything with that photo, I’m not even sure the camera fully works I think it’s just for the effect.” You were definitely rambling but it wasn’t out of character for you to be filling silence with nonsense and excited monologues.

“Your mom is nice.” He was talking suddenly and it indirectly cut off your next stream of verbal thoughts, surprised at the fact he had actually added to the conversation instead of just giving you soft nods and listening. “Atleast from what I can tell.”

You were staring at him with your mouth parted but only for a few seconds so you didn’t run into anything, nodding your head and swapping roles as you fell silent. You ignored the urge to ask about his own mother and turned a corner a little too sharply, thankfully not enough to fall into the dirty street but it still brought a small laugh out of him and you smiled in response.

“It’ll be really easy on the first day.” It was better to switch the line of conversation to something less invasive so you could avoid embarrassing yourself further and he went back to nodding as you spoke, riding slightly in front of you with his hands tightening and unclenching around the handle bars.

You mentally decided you’d learn how to make knitted gloves next.

——

The day thankfully went as simply as you had promised it would considering there wasn’t too much to do yet with the booths just starting to get set up as vendors picked their locations for the year and unpacked their truckloads of goodies.

You couldn’t keep the smile off your face as you dragged Jay around, equally as happy about the fair finally happening and the fact you’d managed to have a friend to share it with after so many years of having to keep the excitement to yourself.

Jay was a very good sport about the muddy grass and the chaotic setting of the field that was always used, much more patient with you and your high energy than the other boys would’ve been. You kept your hand locked around his elbow as you pulled him from vendor to vendor, introducing each familiar face to him and giving him a quick rundown on what they sold and where they came from.

You loved the fair so much because it meant you got to see new faces and hear stories about the towns neighboring yours for once, a large amount of the attendees coming from other places to promote their small businesses. The vending was a small part of the entire celebration but it was your personal favorite.

“This booth is the best.” You were leaning a bit closer to him so none of the others heard you and took offense to your bias and he glanced at you from the side of his eye. “Aren’t they beautiful?”

Jay shifted in place as you both studied the half set up booth full of custom made jewelry with shiny metal clasps and crystals you’d never even heard of let alone actually got to see in person.

“She makes all of these herself?” His voice had taken on the same whisper as yours had and you nodded as you followed his line of sight to see the owner of the booth, an older woman who was hanging up a sign with shaky hands and furrowed eyebrows.

Your hand was falling against your side as Jay moved forward and it lost its place on his arm, a frown forming on your face for just a few seconds before a smile replaced it as you realized what he was doing.

His voice was low and gentle as he spoke to her so you couldn’t quite hear what he was saying but she made an appreciative noise and handed the sign over to him so he could help her get it in place, her less shaky hands patting him on the shoulder thankfully once he was finished.

You took a step or two closer which was enough to get his attention and he looked up at you swiftly, eyes widening a bit like he only just now realized he’d left you standing there instinctively.

Surprisingly he was coming back to your side and bending his arm enough to indicate you could hold it again, something you quickly did even if your cheeks flushed a little at the realization you’d been holding onto him the entire day without really even noticing that wasn’t something you typically did.

“How lovely.” The vendor was practically cooing at the sight of you and your mouth dropped open at the implication of both your stance and your matching scarves. “What a kind young man, you’re a lucky lady.”

Jay made a noise that could only be described as strangled and you would have laughed at him if it wasn’t for the bashful look on the woman’s face, clearly regretting her words and assumption because of his reaction.

“I am, aren’t I?” You were giving her a sweet smile before gently patting his arm and watching the side of his face to further bask in his embarrassment.

You could hear her laughing in relief and delight at the sight of the two of you but you were more focused on how red Jay was turning and the way he was intensely attempting to not look at you. You grinned harder before waving goodbye to her and tugging him along, causing him to let out another distressed sound.

“What was that?” He was shocking you by speaking up and questioning your motives but you only laughed at the serious tone he’d taken and continued walking.

“I mean she’s not entirely wrong. I’d say I’m very lucky.” You tilted to the side to bump against him and he let out a scoffed laugh that made your smile grow, pleased you’d gotten him to loosen up a little bit.

You’d taken him a little past the vendors now so the buzz of the moving people and trucks had quieted down, instead being replaced by the clucks of chicken and the soft noises the cows in the barn were making.

The sight of a farm wasn’t uncommon where you lived but this one was particularly amazing to you considering the sheer size of it, making it the perfect space to host the crowds and heavy machinery that came along with the fairs open weekend. The large field would soon be filled with food trucks and a ferris wheel standing taller than the trees surrounding you, children running with caramel apples and a petting zoo full of the same animals in the red barn behind you.

“It’s really something.” Jay was filling the silence and you snapped out of your envisioning to glance at him, finding him also looking out into the field and watching the place come to life. “I didn’t realize how different it would be from just attending.”

“Atleast you don’t find it as boring as the others do.” You’d stopped walking by now in favor of leaning against a large pile of hay stacks and people watching, not surprised that he remained upright and stoic instead of joining you. “I’m really thankful you decided to help me this year even though you’d miss band practice.”

His head snapped over to you in shock and you laughed at the slightly panicked expression, shrugging your shoulders and picking at some of the loose straws of hay underneath you.

“Jungwon wasn’t exactly subtle but I’m grateful nonetheless.” You were standing back up at that and wiping the back of your pants to get the dust off of the fabric, looking back up at him and slightly squinting your eyes against the sun. “You’re a good friend.”

He was scratching the back of his neck and shifting his foot again awkwardly at the compliment but you were glad to see him nod in light acceptance.

“Wanna get some hot chocolate?”

——

A week continued on just like that with Jay arriving to your house a few hours before dinner time and the two of you riding to the field together, your voice overly filling the silence with his light hums and brief comments reassuring you that he was still actively listening.

Jay was providing more than just company, actually assisting you when it was finally time to start helping you and doing the volunteer work your other friends were so eagerly avoiding.

He was lifting heavy slates of wood without being asked twice and waiting for further instruction as you added a fresh coat of bright red paint to the apple bobbing booth. You knew you’d made the right choice with having him help (although your options were limited) and the other regular volunteers seemed to agree.

“Didn’t realize you were into strong guys.” The voice suddenly in your ear was making you jump and nearly spill your apple cider, glaring at the person joining you for the shock even though you were instinctively leaning closer to her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You were mumbling around the styrofoam cup and she laughed mockingly at you, knowing you long enough to see through your indifference.

Cindy was twice your age but you’d gotten along from the moment you eagerly offered to volunteer, her parents being the founders of the fair in the first place which made her the rightful owner once they had passed away a few years ago.

She got on your case regarding just about everything but the tough love was a breath of fresh air considering the type of overbearing and coddling affection you were used to from your mother. It was almost your worst nightmare for her to catch you watching Jay as he helped the other male volunteers move logs and heaps of old wood away from where the mini rides would be installed.

“Honey I know heart eyes when I see them and yours are practically bursting out of your thick skull.” Her hand was reaching over to try to steal a piece of your warm pumpkin donut sat infront of you and you aggressively swatted at it with a scowl.

“He’s my friend. I’ve known him since I was like basically a baby.” You were trying to keep your tone flat and unsuspecting even though you weren’t even quite sure why you suddenly felt on trial.

You weren’t even purposefully eyeballing Jay or whatever she had called it but he just so happened to be directly in your line of sight and coincidentally he had removed his zip up at some point, most likely needing the cold chill because of all the heavy lifting he was doing with a surprise ease.

“Well he’s definitely not a baby anymore.” She made a small appreciative noise and you turned to her with your nose turned up in disgust, taking a moment to soak in her typically eccentric outfit.

Cindy was definitely one of the most interesting people in your town aesthetic wise, big chunky earrings being used as decorations in her large unkept hair and layers and layers of jarringly opposing patterns and fabrics. It somehow worked on her and you always loved the fact she looked like a little halloween trinket come to life.

“That’s disgusting, you could be his mother you know.” Your eyebrows were furrowed but she knew better than to take your annoyance serious, shrugging her shoulders and directing your attention back to the topic of the conversation with a ring covered hand.

“He watches you about as much as you watch him.” She had the same tone she always had when she felt like she was proving you wrong and in this case, she was. Jay was eyeing the two of you as you spoke but trying his best not to make it obvious, getting distracted enough to trip over a log and nearly crash into one of the bigger burlier men working.

He was far enough away that you couldn’t hear the interaction but you laughed at the glare he received and the way he threw both of his hands up in surrender, backing away and giving you a quick embarrassed glance before picking up the log he tripped over.

“Oh what a mess that boy is.” She was successfully stealing the rest of your donut and you sighed in defeat, leaning against her more and letting her signature vanilla scent hit you full force. “Doesn’t speak much does he.”

“You talked to him?” You didn’t quite understand why that peaked your interest so much but she chuckled at the eagerness in your question, nodding her head and chewing the soft donut for a few seconds before answering.

“He came over to old Betsy’s booth when she was using the restroom and I was filling in for her.” She seemed to miss the irony in her calling somebody around her age old and you didn’t dare point it out to her. “Kept eyeing the necklaces.”

You couldn’t think of a time Jay would’ve gone back to the jewelry stand without you and your eyes narrowed further.

“Well did he buy anything?”

“Don’t remember.” She hummed the words so casually but you knew better than to believe her, sitting up off her shoulder and turning your body so you could fully face her with a stern look. Your normally bubbly exterior was easier to lose than you usually preferred around your strange friend but you assumed it was because she never once minded you on your grumpiest days.

“You so totally remember.” Your finger raised accusingly and she glanced at it with a quirked eyebrow, her large red hexagon framed glasses almost blocking her amused expression. “Cindy what did he buy?”

You assumed she was going to make another excuse to not answer you directly but the universe, in all it’s twisted ways, actually offered a real one in the form of one of the senior volunteers calling for her attention and waving at you before urgently fanning her over.

“Looks like I’m needed elsewhere.” The air of mischief surrounding her had intensified as your own lighthearted annoyance followed suit and you rolled your eyes as she glanced back out into the field. “You’ve got better company incoming anyways.”

She was gone just in time for Jay to reach the two of you and he watched her back for a few seconds as she strolled away, a silent question floating around his furrowed eyebrows as if he was worried he was the reason she’d left so suddenly.

Your friend typically had an anxious energy surrounding him but it bothered you more so right now so you cleared your throat to get his attention and smiled when he finally gave it, patting the spot Cindy had just left empty and not scooting over when he jumped into a start and walked around the table to sit next to you.

“I heard you’ve met Cindy.” You nudged him with your elbow and he titled his head to grin at you in the most genuine way you’d seen from him in all your years of companionship, eyes squinting against the sun as it slowly set with a certain lightness you quite enjoyed. You figured the hard work had made him too tired to keep his guard as high as usual and you briefly considered asking the volunteers to give him more logs to move.

“She’s a character.” He took a second to form the sentence and it came out in slow patches like he was trying to find the nicest word to describe her eccentric ways. Your mouth was opening to inform him it was okay to be offput by her before he was talking again. “She reminds me of you actually.”

That shut you up and you felt a sudden unnecessary guilt for not immediately knowing if he was complimenting you or doing the opposite.

You hadn’t even noticed you were leaning against him again until he stiffened up at your unusual reaction, an apologetic look on his face making you feel even worse. It was beginning to frustrate you that you couldn’t stop embarrassing yourself in front of him, the ability beyond foreign and not something you’d ever even considered before.

His hand was cold when you reached out to place yours over it, not exactly holding but just letting your palm rest on top of his knuckles.

“I’m glad actually. I think she’s probably the most interesting person on earth.” You were watching his reaction to both your statement and the touch before forfeiting first and looking past him in the direction she’d gone.

“I doubt that.” He sounded strangely heavy and it was a tone unlike any you’d heard from him, immediately bringing your gaze back to his face in an attempt to decipher it.

Jay remained as stoic as he usually was and you were suddenly glad for the lowered sun, hoping the lack of lighting in the field managed to hide the light dusting of your cheeks.

——

It was almost refreshing to be back in the basement with the rest of your friends, not having any type of embarrassment in the pit of your stomach since Jay currently wasn’t here and for the first time in two weeks you weren’t having to overthink why you were feeling so weird.

Even though the other boys were trying their best to make you as awkward as possible, all staring at you with questioning eyes after Jungwon asked how it’d been volunteering this year.

“It’s fine.” You knew as soon as you gave a vauge answer that they were going to get suspicious, your eyes slowly closing in regret as they got an excited buzz to them and immediately hounded in on you like a pack of dogs (or over enthusiastic kittens).

“This is the first time since we were preteens you’ve talked about the fair and not went on for hours.” Even Sunghoon was being unusually perceptive and leaning forward on the edge of his arm chair.

“Can you guys not be super annoying about this?” You winced as you said it, already prepared for how rowdy they’d get at the admittance that there was something to be annoying about in the first place.

Not even Heeseung was exempt from the almost childlike giddiness they all had now and you rolled your eyes at the way they were all smacking eachother and overlapping sentences of ‘I told you so’ adjacent statements.

Luckily you were saved by the sound of Heeseung’s mom calling your name from the top of the stairs, shouting it a few times to try and outmatch the volume of all the boys talking at once. You managed to hear her exasperated tone beneath it and you left them to their theatrics without another word, finding her standing in the kitchen with the phone in her hand and an impatient look on her face.

You glanced at her apologetic before taking the phone from her and waiting until she was back at the table doing her crosswords before you actually put it up to your ear.

“Hello?” You knew it wasn’t likely to be your own mother calling about your whereabouts considering she ever rarely actually did, trusting you and knowing you were an adult who didn’t need checking in when you were usually only ever at a handful of places.

“Y/N?” Jays voice coming through the speaker was enough to make your stomach form a tight knot, not even fully processing the breathy and shaky way he was speaking before understanding something was wrong.

“Where are you?” You weren’t sure why it was the first thing you thought to ask him and he took a few painful seconds to even answer, your hand tugging at the chord connected to the wall anxiously as you waiting for his voice to come back and let you know he was still on the other end.

He was hushed when he muttered the address too and you felt little to no guilt about rushing out of the house without saying goodbye to the boys, formality and patience totally fleeing your mind as you picked up your bike off the side of the house and took off down Heeseung’s long smooth drive away.

Your thighs were burning as you made your way across town to the rundown area Jay had given an address for, heart racing in a similar pace to the buzzing in your ears that had started as soon as you were hanging up the phone.

The sun was setting now and you knew it was only a matter of time before your mother started to wonder why you were gone far past dinner but you couldn’t even begin to think about that or your friends realizing you weren’t coming back down or Cindy checking her jeweled watch when you didn’t show up for your usual hot donut before volunteering.

Nothing else was currently even a drop more important than Jay and the way he rushed out the address, one you didn’t even need an explanation for to understand what it was. The hesitance in the delivery told you exactly where you were heading and that was only part of the reason you felt sick as you rounded the corner sharply into the barren seeming neighborhood.

The houses with boarded windows and bright red ripped notices on the doors would’ve led you to assume the place was abandoned if it wasn’t for the mass of bright lights coming from the house on the end of the street.

You forfeited your bike in the middle of the road in exchange for running and you skidded to a stop when you realized you’d managed to completely sprint past Jay, not noticing him considering the way he was practically hunched in on himself and missing his usual stoic expression as he stood under a large overgrown tree.

Instead his face was an eerie combination of absent and horrified, gaze meeting your wide eyes but leaving you with the terrible feeling he was looking straight through you.

“What happened?” Your voice seemed to echo and his face was red and blue from the lights behind your tensed shoulders, your hands being painted with the same shades when you were reaching up to cup his cold cheeks.

He had the scarf you’d made for him around his neck and your heart ached at the idea he might’ve been on his way to meet up with you before whatever had occurred did. Your thumb brushed over its bumpy fabric when it smoothed over his skin and he practically leaned into it despite your friend’s usual disinterest towards physical touch.

“Can we go somewhere else?” It took you a few breaths to even realize he’d been the one to speak and you nodded instinctively, staying frozen even when he stood up and by default placed himself directly infront of you.

Your boot bumped against his shoe when you went to take a step back and he quickly looked away from the house and continuously flashing sirens.

You were wondering if it was a good idea to leave or if he still was needed by the officers scattered throughout the yard and near the patrol cars, sparing them a glance over your shoulder as you started to follow him. You didn’t meet any of their eyes enough to understand what you should do but there was no way you were going to leave Jay alone so you sighed and followed after him.

He was leading you around the back of the house where you could see a tilted garage and a bunch of shrubbery, almost enough to be completely hiding the car underneath it all.

Jay didn’t look at you once as he started to pull twigs and piles of bushes off the hood and windshield, failing to realize the way you were hugging yourself now to fend off the cold and anxiously peering back around the side of the house as you waited for somebody to come and try to stop you from leaving. Nobody came and eventually he was stopping to take a harsh breath before opening the door and looking at you expectantly.

Despite your nerves, you still followed suit and climbed into the old car. The air was stuffy and you could almost taste how long it’d been since it was put to any use especially obvious with all of the dust lining the dashboard and creating a fine film over the cup holders and stick shift that Jay was wrapping his hand around without a second thought.

“I didn’t know you had a car.” Your voice was filling the car only after you’d been driving in silence for a good fifteen minutes, leaving the town limit a few blocks ago and entering a long stretch of road you’d never been down before.

It was true considering there had been over a few dozen times everybody had complained about the lack of cars in the group, instances where you’d had to cancel plans because it just wasn’t manageable with your bikes. Even Heeseung didn’t have a license even though his mom was always telling him he’d have access to the family van sitting in the garage if he just took the road test.

You didn’t miss the fact that there was a lot you didn’t know about Jay, clearly more than you even realized considering how confused you were tonight by all the missing pieces.

“It was my dad’s.” He was finally glancing over at you but his tone of voice let you know this wasn’t something he wanted to talk about further, nodding your head in understanding and watching him as the trees grew larger around you and the road twisted and turned.

“Are you feeling okay?” You didn’t really know what to ask him considering how little you knew about the situation but he was still nodding slowly and it looked genuine from what you could tell.

You decided it was best to just stay silence so you didn’t accidentally say the wrong thing and Jay took a deep breath before doing the same thing, neither one of you speaking for the next thirty minutes as he drove and stared ahead at the road.

You opted for looking out the window at the large stretches of land and water, roads now slick and shiny with the rain that had been falling during your drive and making the night even more gloomy than it already was. You hoped your mom had seen the weather and assumed you were staying with a friend tonight instead of riding your bike home, your stomach turning a bit at the idea of her calling around to try to make sure you were safe.

Heeseung or one of the other boys knew to cover for you if she called his phone, repeating the practiced line that you had fallen asleep on the couch and forgotten to check in with her beforehand.

But then the worry would land with them and that thought made you frown too.

You weren’t yet regretting following Jay but you hoped you’d get to where you were going soon, suddenly wondering if he even had a destination in mind or if he was just going to keep driving forever and ever.

It didn’t take long to get your answer considering he was pulling into an empty parking lot sitting above a small hill that led down to what you assumed was a dark beach, a cold chill from the water filling the car once he turned it off and the low rattle of the engine disappeared.

He was just sitting there in the drivers seat with a faraway look on his face, picking mindlessly on the callouses covering his hands like he always did.

You were suddenly remembering what was the cause of the lump in your coat pocket, sitting up a bit and reaching your hand inside until it wrapped around the soft fabric you’d been molding for the past two weeks.

Jay was already watching you curiously and his eyes flickered up to yours when he realized what he was you were now holding and presenting out to him across the center console, a hopeful look on your face as you nudged it in his direction.

“You made these?” His question had an obvious answer but you had a feeling he just wanted to hear you say it.

“They match your scarf.” You shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal even though you’d gone through an entire roll of fluffy yarn to make the small pair of gloves, messing up the instructions from your old crocheting book numerous times before you finally got them to a functional point.

Your heart was filling with pride when he was pulling them on and flexing his finger inside, seemingly fitting thankfully considering all you had to go off of for sizing was the amount of time you’ve stared at his hands playing guitar.

“They’re perfect.” He looked so sincere and thankful that it threw you for a few seconds, your eyes widening as you nodded your head and smiled at him shyly. “Thank you seriously.”

“It’s no problem. Did you want to get out?” The intensity suddenly filling the air was making your cheeks flush and you wanted nothing more than to be out of the old car, even if it met facing the cold chill waiting for you outside.

He seemed like he was considering it for a few seconds before he was opening his door and stepping out, making his way over to your side before you could process how fast he left and you faltered when he was opening your door for you.

Thankfully he didn’t seem to take your delayed reaction to heart and you were scrambling out before another awkward second passed by, feeling even more grateful when he was unexpectedly bending his arm and letting you wrap your hands around it like you would at the fair.

It brought a level of comfort to you that you hadn’t begun to understand fully but you welcomed it all the same, walking closely to him as you left the parking lot and the hard concrete under your feet turned into wet feeling sand that slowed your pace down automatically.

The beach was fogged over from the cold weather and you could barely see the water due to the darkness now completely surrounding you, relying solely on the sound of the waves crashing against the shore to let you know you were getting too close.

You and Jay walked in silence like that for a few minutes, alongside the water but far enough that it was only barely touching the sides of your boots whenever the waves rolled over and spread out into the sand.

He was eventually pausing in his stride and you glanced at the side of his face expectantly, seeing that same blank look he had when sitting in the car and feeling your heart tighten with the urge to help him any way you could. You weren’t even sure where to begin but it felt right to slowly sit down onto the sand, holding his arm loose enough that he could feel you moving before you tugged him down too.

You smiled a bit when he sat quickly beside you and you warmed even though the floor was cold and damp underneath you.

You decided to keep holding onto his arm even though you weren’t walking anymore and that left you practically hugging his side while you sat facing him with his own gaze towards the water, your legs pressed up against his and his glove covered hands crossed over his stomach cautiously.

There’d been dozen of instances where you had to sit in close proximity to Jay but never once had you experienced one where you were having to silently tell your heart to calm itself incase he could feel it beating out of control.

“Are you alright?” You couldn’t physically take the silence in the air anymore and he looked at you as you spoke.

His gaze was heavy but as kind as it always was when situated on, a tiredness to him that you weren’t used to seeing. You squeezed his arm and they softened even further while his head tilt to the side at your affectionate gesture.

“I’m sorry I took you all the way out here. I wasn’t really sure where else to go so I just drove.” He was quiet as he spoke and you almost didn’t hear him over the crashing waves.

You suddenly felt a twinge of guilt for being so skeptical about following him into the car and allowing him to leave the limits of your town.

“I don’t mind, it’s a beautiful place.” You heard the irony of the statement at the same time amusement passed over his face, both of you knowing it was far too dark for you to visually appreciate the beach. “It’s cool you can drive.”

He actually did laugh at that, a light one closer resembling a scoff but it seemed genuine nonetheless. You didn’t expect an explanation for him keeping his ability a secret and he didn’t offer one.

You fell into another lapse of silence but you found more comfort than awkwardness in this one, enjoying the closeness of the moment and trying to put yourself into his mind for a second.

Jay was all you could see with how low the light was, just the side view of his face that you’d been accustomed to for such a large part of your life that it was almost odd to be feeling so overwhelmed by the sight of him. It definitely wasn’t the time to be trying to understand why you had been feeling so off kilter around him these days but you knew the clock was clicking for you to figure it out.

His jaw was tense like it got whenever the boys got too rowdy in public or the times in high school when people would whisper in the halls as your small group passed.

It wasn’t a secret that Jay had a certain protective nature surrounding him but your silent friend had never looked as bothered as he did right now.

You were wrestling with yourself in your own mind and trying to shake the idea that he was possibly uncomfortable with your sudden clinginess. You had a reminder on a constant loop that he was the one who initiated the small contact almost everytime and his cheeks flushed red almost as much as yours did whenever you squeezed his arm in yours.

“My mom got arrested.” His voice was cutting off your rampant irrelevant thoughts and your mouth parted slightly in surprise from the sudden admission, immediately snapping shut when you noticed him watching you from the side of eye.

“Jay.” You went to speak words of comfort but his lips pursed and his eyes shut for a second like he was pained so you swallowed your sentence and waited for him.

“It’s not a big deal and it’s not the first time or the last.” He was beginning to rush through the words like he didn’t think he could manage to get them all out and you watched him carefully, forgetting the cold weather and the wetness coating the fabric of your pants. “I called you because I knew seeing you would make me feel better but I don’t really need to talk about it or anything.”

“Then we don’t have to talk about it.” Your voice was firmer than usual and his shoulders relaxed.

You weren’t even thinking when your hand was reaching up to touch his face, turning his head towards your direction so he didn’t really have a choice but to look at you.

Your hands were undoubtedly freezing against his skin but you still took the opportunity to absentmindedly rub your thumb against his cheek and jaw, observing the way he almost melted into the touch with something close to pain in his expression.

This was nothing like the arm holding or the hands brushing when you passed him a paintbrush, crossing over the line of things you could fit in the category of your newly developed friendship without the connection of the group. This was something else entirely and you chose not to place it anywhere for now, letting it exist here on the beach without the weight in your chest following along.

“Did it make you feel better?” Your voice was almost a whisper but you had no doubt he heard you considering how close your faces had gotten now that you made him look at you fully. “Seeing me?”

You knew the answer already when you asked it but you still weren’t prepared for the way he softly nodded while leaning into your touch further, eyes big and puppy like in direct contrast to his usual stern and more feline gaze. Vulnerability had completely taken over his typical stoic attitude and you felt a surge of pride for getting to see him like this.

Jay had been consuming your thoughts since you started hanging out one on one and it felt far too important of a moment to let pass you by.

You barely had to shift yourself forward to be able to kiss him but the slightest sign of you moving spurred him to close the gap instead, pushing his lips against yours and taking you by surprise.

The beach was almost quieter as the two of you kissed softly, the waves sounding like they were further away since all you could focus on was the warmth radiating off of him. You were flushed from how delicate he was with you and how it lacked any real heat considering it was much more of a romantic kiss than you both trying to turn the other on.

He kept his eyes closed when you pulled away from eachother and you rested your forehead against his, watching his expressions closely and not wanting to lean back incase the lack of touch made him reconsider what had happened.

You’d be stupid to not understand Jay had always had a soft spot for you but just because the boys teased him about it didn’t mean he actually felt like you were somebody special. He was a gentleman in all aspects of his interactions so you weren’t certain enough to bet on the fact he had any type of feelings for you that would make him see this kiss the way you did.

“Please don’t regret this tomorrow.” He said it in one quick whisper and your heart twisted at the same time your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I won’t, of course I won’t.” You hoped your voice was firm enough to make him believe you but you could tell by the look on his face that he was still skeptical.

You didn’t know how else to prove it to him besides kissing him again so that’s exactly what you did, hands cupping his face and pulling him into you much more passionately than you had the first time. This go around there was a lot more movement and a soft noise escaped you when you felt his gloved hand on your knee.

It was hard to connect the fact the Jay you were kissing was the same Jay you’ve known almost your entire life. He was the same boy who used to scowl on the swings at the playground and silently pay for your snacks at lunch or hold the door for you when entering Heeseung’s house.

You were almost reverting back through all your platonic memories with him as you kissed and seeing him in a different light than you had before.

This time when you stopped kissing you fully leaned into him until you were practically hugging without having your arms around each other, the sudden longing to just feel him close overwhelming you as you tried to pretend it was simply because of the cold and not because he opened up apart of himself to you tonight and that seemed to be the final piece you needed to understand how you felt.

“We should go, you’re going to catch a cold.” He was speaking again in a far away voice and you would’ve declined and asked for just a few more minutes but he was already standing up.

You suddenly felt the most distant you had in a long time from him and your throat was tightened even when he offered his arm in your direction, the action coming across more robotic now than him actually reaching out for you.

It was hard to not overthink considering he was driving you both home in silence, the hills and forest of the town coming into sight as you left behind the empty stretches of road and sky above the ocean.

For once you found yourself looking out the window with longing as you passed the welcome sign back into where you’d grown up, finally slightly understanding why most people had a hard time coming home after being somewhere else for a change.

You didn’t stop thinking about the beach or the road leading even further away until he was pulling into your driveway, the car making a funny scraping sound as it pushed itself up the slight incline.

Jay sighed softly, the first noise he’d made in a long time that wasn’t covered by the radio commercials and the heat running on high with that loud rattling noise, shutting the car off completely as you both sat there in silence.

“Are you able to go home? If you need somewhere to stay I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind as long as you stayed on the couch.” You were speaking swiftly with your eyes slightly widened and he smiled at you gently even if it didn’t quite seem genuine.

“I’m alright, I’ll figure it out.” His tone held a stubborn finality that you didn’t bother trying to question again even though it hurt your heart to think about him searching for a place to stay.

You almost begged him to just come in and warm up for a bit, maybe use your phone to call some of the boys and ask them if he could go there before he just started to drive around in circles but you decided against it.

Instead you leaned far enough that the middle console was pressing against your stomach and you kissed him softly on his cheek, rubbing the clumpy fabric of his scarf before sitting back in your seat and smiling shakily as you tugged the door open and stepped back out into the cold.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Your head cocked so he understood it was a question you wanted answered and he took a few moments before he was nodding his head and starting the car again, lifting his hand off the steering wheel for a brief second in a wave as you closed the door.

——

Jay didn’t show up the next day but you still stood at the end of your driveway with your bike in your hands for twenty minutes, shifting from the cold and slight embarrassment even though nobody was around to see you left hanging.

You filled your mind with the calming thought that he was just busy and he’d show up any minute panting from rushing over here, or maybe he’d even bring his new car and you wouldn’t have to ride your bikes in the cold anymore.

You’d have a good day setting up the fair and you wouldn’t have any awkward silences about the kiss, infact maybe you’d even kiss again when he dropped you back off at home later.

The thoughts and daydreams only entertained you until half an hour had passed and now you’d officially be late so you had no choice but to flip up your kick stand with your foot and mount your bike with a deep frown.

Even then you still felt guilty about leaving incase Jay showed up late at your house and found out you had left without him.

The rational part of you knew that wasn’t going to happen and if anything he could come to the fair and just meet you there but you could tell from the first hour that he wasn’t going to and he wasn’t anywhere waiting for you to come back. He simply hadn’t shown up and you were beyond stupid for thinking otherwise all morning.

It actually hadn’t even crossed your mind that he wasn’t going to show up.

You ran through the possible scenarios, coped with the inevitable tension in the air and the chance of an extremely awkward conversation where you had to confess your newfound feelings for him.

You’d even practiced over how you were going to say it all morning as you got dressed down to the last word but not once did you think he would simply leave you there alone like a completely fool.

Jay was a lot of things, he was reserved and shut off and maybe a little bit blunt at times but he was certainly never cruel and especially not to you. Your friends seemed to agree considering how appalled they were when you stomped down the steps with wet leaves wrapped around your boots and frowned as you explained what had happened.

“Wait you kissed? You like Jay?” Heeseung seemed utterly confused and you couldn’t tell if he was playing up the surprise or if he genuinely wasn’t paying attention to the obvious signs.

“Dude have you even been here? That’s not the problem, what do you mean he didn’t show up?” Sunghoon was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands cupping his face in distress.

“I shouldn’t have kissed him without asking how he felt about me first.” You ignored his question and shook your head as you slouched back into the couch, more upset with your self now than anything else.

All the boys looked around at each other in shock and the air got heavy again like it always seemed to whenever the topic of you and Jay came up. Your eyebrows furrowed into a glare and you settled it onto Jungwon who looked the most guilty, hoping he’d spill whatever it was that they weren’t saying to you.

“Jay is totally into you.” He was letting it out in one breath of air and the other boys collectively rolled their eyes and swatted at your friend. “He has been forever and we all totally make his life hell because of it.”

“Why on earth would you guys do that?” You were practically yelling now even though it was hard to stay mad at them when they all looked so guilty. “Just a few weeks ago you were trying to get me to ask out Jake Sim.”

“We were trying to get him to finally grow a pair and make a move.” Heeseung made you groan at the crude wording but despite your annoyance you actually understood the ways they were trying to help especially since it had actually worked up until you screwed it up by kissing him.

You relayed this thought to them and they looked just as stricken by the fact Jay had not followed up after your kiss as they did the first time you said it.

They did their best to cheer you up with covers of your favorites songs and less argument filled board game rounds but you couldn’t stop the hole in your heart from deepening everytime you thought about it. Your anger towards yourself slowly transferred to him instead as the night went on but even that felt wrong.

Opening night of the fair was finally happening tomorrow and you could barely feel the usual excitement, even when all the boys told you they would be coming to keep you company.

You gave them a soft smile before bidding them goodnight and you truly did appreciate what they were trying to do but it wasn’t the outcome you wanted.

That still didn’t stop you from waking up early the next morning and getting yourself ready, pinning your stray hairs back with cheap pumpkin decorated pins you’d had for a decade and pulling on the new pair of gloves you made (finished off with much neater edges than Jays had been).

The others were going to arrive any moment to accompany you so you sat on the couch finishing your hot chocolate and tapping your feet against the carpet with anticipation, doing all you could to ignore the pit in your stomach so you could still have fun and appreciate all the hard work you and the other volunteers had contributed.

Rough honking from outside made your head pick up expectantly and you set your mug on the coffee table before rushing to the window and smiling brightly when you saw all of your friends waving from inside an old car you didn’t recognize.

It wasn’t until you opened the door that you caught sight of the driver and you faltered a bit, long enough that he had stepped out onto your driveway and waved at you with a sheepish expression.

“Hey Y/N, hope it’s okay that I tag along.” Jake Sim was standing infront of your house and he apparently was one of the few people your age in town that owned a car and even worse, your friends were giving you encouraging looks behind his back.

Heeseung lost his thumbs up when you glared at him through the windshield but you made sure to smile at Jake reassuringly.

“Of course it’s okay Jake, it’s good to see you.” You tugged open the passenger seat door and tugged at Heeseung’s hoodie until he was groaning and unbuckling, squeezing into the backseat with the others and allowing you to be in the front.

You let the boys talk loudly and play their music while you sat in silence during the short drive to the field where the fair was being held, finding it harder to ignore the fact somebody was missing when all you could think about what your drive back from the beach.

Jake quietly humming wasn’t enough for you to forget how Jay kept a tight grip on the steering wheel or shifted in his seat at a red light.

The comparison of the two definitely wasn’t fair especially since you were almost positive your friends had begged Jake to give you all a ride under some faux promise that you would find it kind enough to give him a shot. He was always nice to you in school and definitely wasn’t trying anything sleazy now, instead arguing with Jungwon about the speed limits and his backseat driving.

Your heart warmed the second you were approaching the field and you could see the Ferris wheel peaking over the trees, car slowing down to allow the groups of people and large families to cross the street in front of you.

The turn out was probably the biggest you’d seen yet and even your friends were making noises of excitement as they peered out the windows and took in the rows of games and smaller kiddy rides.

“Woah this is awesome.” Jake sounded genuinely amazed from beside you and you glanced back over your shoulder to smile at him. “You guys did a great job.”

You knew he must’ve been referring to the larger group of people who volunteered but you still couldn’t help but think of all the work Jay helped do and how much he contributed this year.

“Thank you Jake.”

——

It was almost like a homecoming as you walked across the field and let the mud build up under your boots, a caramel apple in hand and the other wrapped around Heeseung as he laughed and tried his best to win your group another stuffed animal despite the fact the three boys behind you were holding two each.

“Holy shit.” You couldn’t help but be impressed when he knocked all the pins down again even though you quickly covered your mouth apologetically when the mother of a child near you sent you a sharp glare.

“Here you go madam.” He’d put on a funny proper voice as he handed you the small pink stuffed lamb and you mockingly curtsied at him as he squinted his eyes against the sun and surveyed the area. “Alright going to go attempt to brave the portapotties, wish me luck.”

“Hold your breath.” Jungwon was quick to chirp behind you and you groaned at the imagery, pulling your arm out of Heeseung’s so he could half jog over to the bathrooms and feeling a slight chill run over you at the loss of body heat.

Somebody was clearing their throat from beside you and your eyes widened a bit as you turned to see Jake standing there now, a sheepish expression on his face with his elbow angled at you invitingly. He must’ve picked up on your walking habit by now and you smiled bashfully at him before accepting his arm.

“Are you having a good time?” You started walking together as you spoke quietly, your two friends behind you talking loudly in weird voices as if they were making their animal prizes communicate.

“It’s beautiful.” He actually sounded like he meant it, tone a little breathy as he turned his gaze to the Ferris wheel and nodded appreciably. “I understand why you love it so much.”

You were actually enjoying his company despite the ache in your chest and you were glad he got to tag along with all of you, hoping you’d get the chance to see him with the boys more often including the one you were missing the most right now.

It’d been a few hours into the fair and you knew Jay could come another day by himself if he really wanted to but the thought of him missing opening day and feeling how special it was hit you harder than you wished it would and you were almost antsy for your friends to leave so you could go and mope to Cindy and ask her for some advice.

“Look who I ran into.” Heeseung sounded excited from behind you as he returned from the bathrooms and your eyebrows raised curiously, turning in unison with Jake.

Your mouth dropped open a bit when you saw Jay standing there awkwardly, hands in his pockets and a torn expression on his face that turned into one of confusion when he realized you were linking arms with Jake Sim. He didn’t say anything and neither did the others boys, not at all matching Heeseung’s enthusiasm and instead sending you glances like they weren’t sure what reaction was appropriate.

To make matters worse, Jake clearly wasn’t reading the energy and instead was nudging your side affectionately and giving Jay a wide smile.

“And you thought he wasn’t going to show up.” He didn’t know the history behind the two of you or anything that had happened so you couldn’t really fault him for his embarrassing comment, realizing now he must’ve caught wind of some of the things the boys had said about you not expecting Jay.

The comment was enough to break the tension in the air for something much worse and you watched the boy in question purse his lips and nod his head in bitter understanding, pulling a hand out of his pocket to rub the back of his neck.

“Well this was nice but I’ve gotta go.” He didn’t wait for anybody to say any words of parting and instead he was turning on his heels and leaving.

You scoffed and removed your arm from Jakes gently, stomping away from them to follow behind Jay and trying to ignore the clueless boys confused questioning to your friends about what he had said wrong.

“You’re just going to leave?” You waited until you were closer to the barns to speak even though you were pretty sure he knew you’d been following him. “You don’t have anything you feel like you want to say to me?”

He looked surprisingly calm when he turned around to face you but your anger didn’t settle much even when you saw the hurt and lost expression he had, staring down at you and all of your fury like he thought he deserved it.

“What is there for me to say?” His voice was low and you frowned again at how defeated he seemed, how easy it was for him to end the conversation even though you felt like there was a thousand things being left unsaid. “I don’t want to interrupt your time with Jake.”

You let out a noise that was close to a laugh but without any sign of amusement, anger taking over any type of sadness or confusion you felt about the situation. He wasn’t saying it like he was at all angry at you for being around Jake but that almost made you more upset, seeing how simple it seemed for him to just walk away with no explanation.

“By my time with Jake do you mean the time I’m spending waiting for you to show up knowing you wouldn’t?” Your voice cracked a little as you took a step closer to him. “And when you finally do you’re just going to leave? I mean did the night on the beach just mean nothing to you?”

“The night on the beach?” He was now starting to show a little emotion outside of the almost cowardly demeanor he’d had, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared down at you now that you were closer. “The night you pity kissed me?”

It was almost hard to believe he’d say something like that and even harder to comprehend that he genuinely meant it, he wasn’t attempting to hurt you or being unnecessarily cruel like most people would but instead he actually was going off the notion you’d kissed him out of sympathy.

“How could you think that way?” You tried to soften your tone but you were just so upset about everything and even more so now that the fairs opening day was passing you by and going so poorly.

Jay was just looking at you and you were almost worried he was going to start crying, the pained look not going away even when you were closing the gaps between the two of you and bringing your hand up to his cheek. He leaned into it when your thumb rubbed against his skin again but he didn’t answer your question.

You could feel his hand on your lower back like he was afraid you’d back away prematurely but you had no plans to go anywhere despite being upset with him, you could see how hurt and confused he was and that trumped your own feelings that could be dealt with afterwards.

He had been a constant in your life for as long as you could understand the notion of having a friend but you felt like you were just now seeing him for the first time ever and you were almost embarrassed that you didn’t know how to help him especially since he always seemed to know what to say to you when you were upset.

“You have no idea what you are to me.” He’d lost the helplessness in his voice now that you were touching him and the pained tone was more stemming from your closeness than anything else.

There was nothing you could say to that that would properly convey how you felt about the hushed reassured confession so instead you kissed him.

He was immediate in the way he put his other hand on your back too and pulled you closer to him, turning your head and relishing in how different it felt to kiss him standing up.

Jay made a low noise when your hands moved from his face to his hair and you wanted nothing more than to pull another from him, your tongue swiping across his bottom lip seemingly doing the trick as you felt his hands squeeze your waist instinctively.

You pulled away from the kiss to try and breathe but he was immediately following after your lips and connecting them again which made you decide you didn’t at all mind continuing even if it meant replacing air with the feeling of him against you.

You didn’t even realize you were moving until your feet with tripping over his and your back was hitting what you assumed was the barn, a small laugh leaving your lips even though it was muffled by his moving against you feverishly. Jay was kissing you like he’d never get to do it again but by now you’d caught on to the fact he’d thought about this alot longer than you had.

His hand was leaving your back to stop at your knee, pulling it to the side easily so he could slot his own in between yours and press impossibly closer.

“God you’re everything.” He was breathing heavily as he spoke and you whined a bit at how low his voice had gotten, sounding similar to how it did when he’d get focused on one of their songs or scold the boys for messing around too much.

“Can you stay with me here?” Your own came out surprisingly squeakish and you flushed in embarrassment.

He was nodding softly and your hand left his hair to sit on the back of his neck for a second before you were kissing him one more time quickly, smiling a little when he took a step back after and grabbed your free hand so you’d stumble forward with him.

“I’m sorry I was late.” He said it so casually like you were just two regular people going out and he was a little tardy for a date but you figured you could talk about how the situation hurt you later and try to enjoy the rest of the day.

You were leading him back towards your friends but dropping his hand as you approached, not fully sure you wanted to deal with their teasing and quick comments. Jay was easily understanding what you were implying and he fell back into his silent nature, giving them quick head nods when they expressed excitement over him joining you.

It was beginning to look just like your regular hangouts until you all agreed to head towards the ferris wheel and suddenly Jake was turning towards you with a shy smile and his arm bent in your direction.

You couldn’t fault him for assuming you’d want to continue linking arms now that you were back but your heart clenched for a second knowing who was standing right behind you.

Jay was such a quiet and stoic person that you didn’t necessarily think he’d sit there throwing glares at any guy who tried to speak to you but you were either extremely wrong or the energy of the day had gotten to him because you could feel his arm snaking around your waist just as you turned to see the annoyed expression he had and the harsh way he was watching Jake.

All discreetness was thrown out the window at that and you watched the boy across from you purse his lips in bitter understanding before slowly pulling his arm back against his side.

“Don’t be rude.” You were whispering the scolding words in Jay’s ear but leaning against his side so he knew you were okay with the show of affection even if it had started as possessiveness.

He didn’t say anything in his typical fashion and you tried to ignore how giddy the thought of him being jealous made you. You stayed close to him as you waited in line, listening to your friends joke around as you felt his hand squeezing your side impatiently every few minutes.

It was a no brainer that you’d be sitting next to him when an empty carts started to make their way around the wheel and you smiled softly at Heeseung and Jungwon fighting over who got to sit with Jake, pushing them slightly when the working attendant started to look extra impatient.

Jay glanced at you from the side of his eye before putting a hand forward to signal you to get on first, following behind as you scooted across the metal bench and watched him close the door tightly.

“Are you scared of heights?” Your voice was teasing as you leaned against his side to looked closely at the nervous look on his face. He glared at you lightheartedly and when his eyes didn’t leave your face for a few seconds you realized he was going to kiss you right as he did.

His big hand was cupping your cheek to pull you in closer and the feeling of him moving against you was enough to override the embarrassment of kissing before the ride had even moved you out of view from the crowd.

You practically kissed the entire time your cart slightly jerked forward to allow new people onto the ones under you, slowly lifting you higher and higher as your heart raced.

Kissing Jay was a completely foreign feeling but you felt like you couldn’t stop now that you knew what it was like, finding the low noises your friend made absolutely addicting to the point they were overriding your system and everything you’ve ever thought about him. You never once considered what he would feel like this close to you or how he’d look when you pulled apart to breathe, dark eyes low and hazy and his lip reddening.

“Is this what you expected when you offered to help me paint stables?” You were grinning as you spoke and he brushed some of your hair behind your ear.

“Not necessarily but a guy can dream.” He surprised you by joking back and the ride jolted alive suddenly, both of you lurching forward for a second before dissolving in a fit of laughter.

From the top of the ferris wheel you could not only see the fair and all of the work you’d put into it but you could see a large part of your small town, the gravel roads you struggled with your bike on everyday to Heeseung’s and the railroad tracks that led to the side of town you’d found Jay on the night he called you.

Off in the distance you could even make out the long stretch of road where the trees broke away and the sea inevitably began.

Jay was softly calling for your attention once your cart stopped at the very top of the ride, your hair blowing in the light wind as you turned to face him. The sun had nearly set now and he looked particularly handsome when he was lit up by the lights adorning the metal beams under you, that nervous look returning as he shifted his body to face you.

He almost looked as if he was planning to tell you something, maybe even make a speech of some sort but instead he was closing his mouth and reaching into his coat pocket to pass you a small box.

You took it from his glove covered hands and glanced up at him with wide eyes, already having a relatively good idea about what was inside the box. He raised an eyebrow at you as a way to urge you opening it and you quickly untied the soft ribbon keeping it closed, both of you keeping quiet like you were scared to ruin the moment.

Inside, surrounded by shredded wrapping paper to keep it safe, was a beautiful handmade necklace with a golden seashell at the end of the thin chain. You knew right away who had made the piece of jewelry and your eyes filled up with tears as you looked at him.

“Sorry I’m not as crafty as you but I figured I knew somebody who was.” He was trying to joke around to soften the heavy atmosphere but you could see the hesitation on his face as he waited for you to say something. “It’s the right one right? You kept looking at it the first day you brought me here.”

“It’s perfect.” Your voice was breathy and it came out as one word but you knew he understood, his shoulders losing some tension as he shifted closer to you and took the necklace from your shaky hands.

You sniffed a little bit and turned around so you could lift your hair and assist him in putting the necklace on you, getting a full view of the town around you as you did so and barely even noticing the fact the ferris wheel was beginning to move again.

All you could focus on was his cold hands on your neck and the weight of the seashell as it softly fell down in the middle of your collarbones, your heart thumping so hard you worried it woukd shift it from its place.

His apprehension was still obvious when you turned back around to show him how it looked on you but his eyes lit up at the sight of it, meeting your gaze just in time for you to lean in and kiss him again.

[hoseoksluna]

A CELEBRATION OF 2K FOLLOWERS — PLEASANT, GOOD AND MERCIFUL | jjk

pairing: non-idol!boyfriend!jungkook x f. reader 

genre: smut, angst, fluff — the whole package

word count: 8.9k

summary: jungkook wanted to make the night better for you—but what he didn't expect is that he would come across his true, unabashed self while doing so.

taglist: join | cp: wattpad, ao3

warnings: jungkook, physical violence, jungkook is wearing that mesh top and that exact outfit (god, help me) and he's horny (god, help me again), abandonment issues, dissociation, panic mode, fear, swear words, dom/sub dynamics, protected sex, oral sex (f. & m. receiving), deepthroat:), teasing, pda, jungkook smokes and jungkook uses his busan accent (you have been warned), religion, praying, anxiety, hyper-independence, trust issues, begging, a little bit of a praise kink — barely, cowgirl:).

note: because we hit 2k incredible followers, i prepared this for you, my babies. a full fucking package of drama, smut, angst and fluff—all from jungkook's own pov!!!!! this is all for you bc i love you sm. thank you, guys, so much for being here with me, sticking around and reading my stupid fics. enjoy this one shot and let me know what you think. i'm sending you so many kisses until you get sick of me. seriously. i won't stop. i love you. MWAHMWAHMWAHMWAHMHWA.

It is a lucid dream, really, the way the lustrous colors of the fireworks bloom across the charcoal sky. They intertwine with the darkened clouds, like vines of wild flowers, that try and fail to remain hidden and Jungkook thinks you burst with even richer, emotive colors. 

With your kaleidoscopic glitter on the high points of your cheeks, and the tiny stars that you stuck on each arch of your brow. 

He can feel the vibration of the deep bass, belonging to the music, coursing down your chest as he stands behind you, drifting his hands down the upper half of your body while the rest of the strangers are hypnotized by the rapper on stage that he has very little knowledge of. The reason why he paid for the tickets, pumped a full tank of gas, drove you all the way to the countryside outside of the normality of your daily life and never let go of your hand—despite the fact they grew uncomfortably clammy due to the stifling heat—was because you loved the man. The vulgar headliner, whose lyrics nearly made his eyes fall out of his sockets once he fully and consciously listened to the songs that you always sing when you do your makeup or hum at random times when you’re doing your own thing. 

And what’s worse, it made his dick hard when he heard you scream out the swear words and the filthy imagery painted in the vivaciousness of the songs.

You, who scarcely cursed. 

Who omitted the vulgarity when rapping along. 

He doesn’t think he ever caught those words coming out of your mouth. Not even when he was balls-deep in you. 

Multiple times. 

It had only been four months ago when he found you and his long silent heart gained your voice. It was the sweetest, most languid sound that ever graced his ears and in an instant, you became a fleshly sanctuary of serenity. One he would find himself needing more often than he liked because the truth is—Jungkook doesn’t date. 

He considers relationships an unnecessary house of pain. If he spends a long time there, he forgets what the outside world looks like. Forgets how to get home. Forgets the roads and the rules and moralities of life and society because, deep down, he lets go of himself for the girl. 

He would kill a soul if she found herself needing it. Or at least destroy one so she would have a peace of mind. 

Break hands and break noses of people who looked at her wrong. 

That’s who he is and as much as he tried to change it, he failed every time. Failed like the clouds up above. His effort to stay hidden from you vanished into thin air because you would invariably find him and his heart would start praying with your voice. The pathetic thing would beg for mercy from the world. His knees would wobble and he’d let them sink right in front of you—all because of your deeply inert calmness and briskness that would, strangely, pour the nectar of mollification over his bloodstream. 

And he gave in to you because you didn’t ask, nor expect, anything from him. 

You didn’t do what the others did. 

You were independent and so full of life, of a different world, one he wanted to take a peek inside. 

And what he didn’t predict was that the road would be molded for his feet. And once he kissed you and learned the ins and outs of your intellect and the chambers of your heart, he still remembered the streets that line the outside world—its names, even. He remembered the address of his own apartment building, the number to his door and to the pass code. 

And so did you. 

You didn’t ask him to kill for you. And you didn’t ask him for tickets to see your favorite artists. 

He did it because he unreservedly loved you. 

And here you are, giggling, rubbing your little ass up against his groin and he detects happiness prickling his nerve endings. His hands are enveloped, snugly, as if no one was around and the artists traveled across the country for you, around your waist while your hands are up in the air, pointed fingers erect, dipping up and down to the rhythm of the music. 

And what he could never predict, not even in a million years—he’s enjoying himself. Feels the traces of the same vibrations ricocheting off your back into his chest, where the song enlivens him. 

He’s enjoying himself because you are enjoying yourself, brimming with elation and the radiance of your smile as you laugh, dance and scream out curse words that he’s equally enjoying hearing. 

Jungkook makes a mental note to pull those sounds out of you later in the early hours. 

And then you turn around, surprising him. You cup the side of his neck while you point that index finger in his face, screaming out the lyrics. And Jungkook regards it so overwhelming that he can only stare. Doesn’t know the lyrics to scream them back at you and make your experience better, but he’s learning them as he’s consuming them from you, his eyes tracing over each movement of your mouth that engraves them in his brain. He feels your hips moving under his palm at the bottom of your spine and when you roll your body forward, colliding into his like a star that meets its lover once only to never see it again, and brush your lips against his—he’s so horny and so in love with you that his eyes wet, his emotions rushing in and clouding his sight. 

The background fades out, fully, into the charcoal of the night, the colored lights softening and it’s just you that is the distribution of incandescence for the people present—and for him. And then you go down, dragging your hands down his stomach and his thighs, only to spring right up, grab his hips and make that collision happen—against the laws of the universe. 

A different star. A special one. 

Out of his darkened peripheral view, he can sense the audience having a way better time than they did before you turned around to face him. But Jungkook doesn’t give a fuck. 

Not when his cock is so tight in his pants. 

Thankfully, you’re obscuring it with the shape of your delightful body. He thinks he’s going to run with you to his car, pump more adrenaline into your body, so you can refresh the drowsy grass with a pristine layer of dew through the sound of your laughter. He also wonders if you’re wet yourself underneath that gray dress of yours and just as he’s about to lean over and yell that question into your ear, you turn around and get ready for the next song. 

And catch the glance of some guy to your right as you do. Jungkook grits his jaw because you linger for a second longer that he doesn’t particularly like.

A certain fever poisons his veins, but at the same time he feels the pinpricks of a cold sweat at the top of his spine. Who the fuck does he think he is, staring at his girl like that? 

But when he follows that line of the half broken gaze, he finds the guy’s slender face scrunched up in disgust. 

Oh, Jungkook might be ready to throw some hands and get him kicked out of this place, tell the cops it was all him so you can continue enjoying yourself in his arms. He’s seen some people sticking their tongues down their partner’s throat and he’s giving you a dirty look for dancing? 

This can easily be his very last night alive. 

Instinctively, Jungkook bunches up his fists and he’s ready to go after him, but you scream out and emit out your excitement, taking a deep breath to go absolutely mad as the rapper begins to perform the song that he’s heard you jamming out to the most. You take his hands, beaming at him from behind, and uncurl them on your tummy. Your glance was too brief and there’s still a furrow to his brows and now he worries you think he’s being a buzzkill. He doesn’t want to ruin the night for you, so he draws in closer to the crook of your neck and begins to dance, softly, with you. Your hands intertwine with his and you bang them in the air, jumping up and down at the bridge of the song that the headliner hypes up. 

And then you’re singing in a different language and he’s done for, his heart tightening in his chest. The one he’s heard your mother talk in over the phone while you replied in English. Jungkook squeezes you so hard and you let him, your smile growing. Your voice is more throatier and low-pitched and Jungkook senses your foreignness swathing his cock and he knows there’s a bigger tent in his pants. He presses it against you, makes you feel it and you throw your delicious ass. 

His eyes nearly go cross-eyed as he rolls them back, tilting his head. The wind sweeps across the sweat of his exposed forehead, sifting through his hair and he can’t wait any longer. Desire has overpowered the poison in his veins in such a mighty way and he begins to stand in the middle of a crossroad. 

Wait forty five minutes until the rapper finishes the show and then get stuck in the crowd as everyone tries to leave at once. 

Or wait two more minutes and then bolt to the car to fuck your brains out. There’s a higher chance you and him won’t be caught sinning in the backseat. It’s midnight and the villagers are asleep. And in the forty minutes, while everyone enjoys the last show, he can make you come so many times and ascertain that your experience will be heightened and ultimately better. 

He’s also sure you’ll be able to hear him—if he leaves the window open a little bit. 

He’s ready to turn you around, the decision throbbing in his sternum, but you make the move first. Swiveling on your feet, your body faces him, though your head doesn’t. Once again, he follows your gaze. You scowl at the guy, your brows knitting and your glossy mouth rounding before moving into the shape of the lyrics. You throw a dirty look his way one last time and Jungkook laughs in pride, his heart constricting in the love he bears for you, and he pulls you in, disposed to kiss you. You wrap your arms around his neck and open your mouth just as he kisses you—and it’s you who darts out their tongue, rolling it against his. Jungkook squeezes your bum, slapping it gently—and it’s simultaneous the way you and him both peek at the guy’s reaction. 

The fucker is grinning. 

You give him a vulgar gesture, the moonless blue light enveloping around your middle finger. 

Jungkook laughs so hard that heads turn in his direction and he’s fucking delighted. You devour it with your mouth, sucking his lips so intensely that he stops breathing. He senses you sealing it in him and he can’t wait any longer. 

He needs you and he tells you. 

Breaking the lip lock, he peppers kisses on the sensitive spot behind your ear, wafting his hot breath there. He feels the gooseflesh on your arm right upon his ear, too, and electricity courses down his stomach. Fuck, he loves it so much. Thinks you’re so incredible and he wants to fuck that fact into your guts. 

“Let’s get out of here. I want you,” he rasps, drifting his hand up your bum to the ends of your hair, bunching them in his fist. “I want to give you this dick. You deserve it.” 

You suck in a harsh breath and withdraw to look at him. He bites his lip at the way his words painted a palette of such flushed beauty on your face, using colors this festival has never fucking seen. And his mouth ends rise in a prideful smile, not for his ability, but for your body. For the way it’s able to react to him so wonderfully. 

And he blushes when you begin to mouth the lyrics again while dipping to the seat of the amphitheater and sliding his blazer over his shoulders. 

He knows why you did that. 

And you validate his knowledge when you take his hand and lead him away from the concert, keeping close to him just to be cautious. 

You did it to camouflage the evidence of his arousal for you. 

And when you walk by the guy, you let go of his hand. Throw both middle fingers in his face. “You wish you had someone to leave with, huh?” 

The fucker puts his dirty hand on you, stopping you from walking away, and Jungkook doesn’t fucking hesitate. Like a bolt of lightning, he grabs his collar and fumes in his face. 

“What makes you fucking think you can touch my girl, huh? Juk go sip na?” he snarls, shaking him, his Busan dialect impulsively spilling out, darkening his voice and the latter question—‘Do you want to die?’ He watches a tendril of challenge line his eyes with murkiness and what happens next is too fast. 

Too fast for his liking. 

Knuckles collide with his cheek and at the rapid, unexpected and jarring contact, his lip ring cuts his gums. Jungkook grunts at the twinge that overpowers the throbbing on the side of his face, metal percolating through the aftertaste in his mouth, but he doesn’t let go of the guy’s shirt. In fact, he tightens his hold. Seethes. Is about to push him off and leave before things get even uglier, but then he feels your hands on his back and his heart stops, your voice mute, despite the fact your whole face twists in fear and is smeared with harrowing emotions that he’s never seen on you. Shrinks at the sight of your wet, bulging eyes. Of one singular tear grazing your lower lashes in a caress before plopping onto the wildflower meadow of the glitter on your cheek. 

“Get back,” he tells you, despite the swelling of his own emotions at your state of mind. But you don’t comply in time, unclench your fist and step back because far too soon, in the middle of the distraction, another collision bursts in this impenetrable darkness. 

Falling into you or falling for you even deeper, he can’t tell the difference within the numbing pain and his temper coaxes his exceedingly too easy tears to blur his vision. You don’t topple back on your hands, for Jungkook catches you in time with a strength that you somehow help him remember that he possesses. From the force of the guy’s jab, he was only pushed into you, but it doesn’t diminish the grave mistake he made. 

One he will pay for. 

Straightening you, Jungkook guides you towards the edge of the amphitheater and you step back, at last, startled. Turning around, he swings his fist into the guy’s face and he whimpers like a little bitch. 

One hit for your dignity. 

A second one for your tears. 

And the guy would’ve received a third and a fourth one had he not been held back by different pairs of arms all of a sudden. But he shakes them off. Pushes the guy back to his seat. He lands awkwardly on his tailbone with a hard thud and moans in pain. Suits him right for thinking he’s allowed to touch you, make you cry and remain unharmed. 

Jungkook shakes his head, his chest rising with heavy breaths and numbing, adrenaline-infused fury. “Sit here and keep your fucking hands to yourself, gaesaekki. Who the fuck do you think you are, making my girl cry by hitting me?” 

The music cuts out and the rapper hollers. Jungkook turns around and finds all of the attention of the audience and the headliner on him. Doesn’t want to put you on the spot like that, so he rolls his eyes in annoyance, finds your rounded ones and tips his chin further towards the exit, signaling to you to walk that way, so no one gets to look at you. You’re still standing by the edge of the amphitheater with your tear-stained cheeks and his heart aches, though once he sees that you’re covered by the shadows, he lifts a palm towards the stage and strides off, placing a hand on the small of your back and leading you towards the grassy hill. 

People are fucking testing him and he’s not in the mood. Not in the slightest. 

He’d go with his original plan—take your hand and run with you to his car, but he needs to cool off. His anger is sapping all the delight he gained from your microcosm of joy and he doesn’t want to ruin the night more than he already has. Jungkook curls an arm around your neck, tugging you flush to his side as you strut together with no one around. Lifts your chin so he can inspect how you’re feeling on your face. 

Your cheeks are glimmering, damply, carmine in the yellow light, accompanied by the faint burn of the stars up above, but your eyes have lost their great spark and you’re no longer beaming. They trace over his deadened cheek and mouth and you whimper, stopping dead in your tracks and burying your face in his chest. You wrap your arms around his middle, a hand stroking his back—and Jungkook feels himself drifting to a state of coma. The rapper’s lines decline the harder you nuzzle your face in his mesh-clad pecs and he can’t move his own hands, can’t hug you back, his panic cascading down his sternum, which he senses your warm weight upon. A ringing noise fills his ears, but he can’t wilt. He has to put you first and make things right. 

But his body doesn’t listen. 

He wills strength into his muscles, lifting his head towards the unmerciful heavens and letting your voice sound out his prayer. You evidently need physical support and emotional reassurement and he can’t give that to you out of his own weakened will. Not when he needs it so despairingly and eminently because he’s hollowed out on the inside. Not when he can’t hear a damn thing owing to the ringing in his ears. 

He can’t ask you for help, so he lets you pray through his heart to his father’s God. 

But nothing happens.

Radio silence. 

White noise. 

A feeble, miniature whine loosens from him. He’s not sure if you heard it and he hopes you didn’t, and for that sole reason—he does the unthinkable. 

He begins to pray with his own voice. 

Because there’s nothing else to do. 

Give me strength. To be there for her and not mess this up more than I already have. Fix me for her and help me make this night better for her. 

The tiniest of lights against your face unbolts ajar in him, vines of the flowers of mitigation blooming from that sliver of open space—right into his arms that abruptly lift and wrap around your shoulders, pulling you as close as humanly possible. 

The ringing lessens. 

And then his lips move. 

He kisses your forehead, dwelling there for a moment, basking in the fact that his prayer worked, and mentally, he ejects the trepidation and agitation away and out of his system, though the fear loiters in his ribcage. The fear that the mistake he made is unfixable. And there’s no thrumming of the bass to distract it. 

What’s worse, his lower regions still ask for a release. He might not be as hard as he was, but the pressure of an ungratified arousal still palpitates in his groin. The unlit disorder of his feelings encourages the blood to pump his cock erect, slowly, and his breath quivers—as well as his body. 

The shakes are back. He knows them, intimately, from his past relationships. Feels the long-gone ghost of abandonment catching up to him—and he fears, terribly, that you’ve somehow learned its ways and you’re about to use them on him because of the way he ruined your night. Cover him from head to toe until his mind numbs and he forgets, foolishly, the direction to his home. 

To solitude. 

He lets go of you and nudges you towards his car. Lets you walk the rest of the short way. But he notices that your forehead, the place he poured his frail love upon, is smudged with blots of blood, the little stars on the arches of your brows crooked and devalued. He’s barely able to get out a cigarette out of his pack and place it in the center of his parted lips, his heart cracking and turning painfully. Though, somehow he does it—he gnites it to life, takes a big drag and hides his hands behind his back. Hides his shakes away from you. Because it’s easier to ruin yourself than it is to give. 

You don’t know about them. And in the four months he’s been dating you, he didn’t have a reason to tell you about them. Thought they were lost for all eternity, the tables turned—them forgetting about him. 

But now he realizes how naive he was. Begs his shoulder to stop trembling from the impact of his deeply-embossed issues. Wishes they were as beautiful as you when you gaze back at him with the weight of your love and he feels it, swiveling to lean against the side of his car. 

It’s a life jacket that straps him down. Abates his shakes. And he’s able to take another drag, pursing his lips in a small ‘O’ when he exhales the smoke, so it doesn’t get near you. 

Your hands are behind your back, too. They support your tailbone against the solidness of the vehicle. It reminds him that he’s glad he hurt the guy, but now he wishes that you weren’t such a delicious brat because he could’ve made you happier and pinker with the amount of orgasms he would’ve given you. Would’ve driven you home and washed you clean. Would’ve made you a late night snack to bed and held you while you replayed the songs in your head. 

Nevertheless, it’s him who needs to be held. 

Foolish, his sensitivity. Another thing you don’t know about. And he’s not too sure, at this very moment, if he’s able to let you in this closely. Let you hold him and stop, ultimately, his shakes. The fear of possibly letting that happen, only to get left behind after, paralyzes him on the spot and even though he can’t breathe, he still manages to flick the ash off his cigarette and puff on it, desperately. Needs the smoke to hold him down, mollify the raging disorder in him—the macrocosm that is too gritty and stony for your delicate feet. 

He allows a full, audible sigh to leave him and he hangs his head, but he shouldn’t have done that. 

Because he divulged to you how fucked up he is. 

You lift a hand to him. “Come here, Oppa.” 

But he can’t. He can’t get close. His legs are numb and the thick-soled boots his feet are shod in are too heavy. His fear keeps them planted that safe distance apart. And Jungkook plays it cool. Licks his lips, lifts his head and sucks on his cigarette. Feels something dripping down his jaw and he wipes his hand on the bone. His cheeks hollow out and the smoke gets in his eyes, stinging them, blurring the spots of blood on his fingers

A different type of wetness coats them now. 

“You wanna go home?” he asks, then cringes at his stupid words. The smoke makes zig zag patterns in the air as his hands shake harder. And then the breath he takes is too difficult. His chin wobbles, the tears rush in and he can’t stop it. “They’re still—” A soft sigh, a whimper. His breathing speeds up because it seems as though his lungs ask for too much air and he can’t inhale enough of it. The tears threaten to pour out and crown his fear. Ruin his life. But he keeps going as if nothing is happening. “Making hot dogs in that food stand over there. The night’s not over.”

And then he’s sobbing, sinking to his knees as his legs give out under all that weight of his issues compressing him. The cigarette burns on the concrete, as abandoned as he soon will be. And his hands feel the rough material of his jeans, needing something to bring him back to a painless reality. He’s tasting blood and the fumes of the smoke and then he sees your sneakers in front of his knees, the pink Calvin Klein shoes that he bought you last week, and he sits back, feels his head being lifted, feels himself being pushed to a point of absolute submission. 

And that’s not something he’s able to stop either. 

You sit down on his thighs, sinking your fingers behind his ears and into his hair, forcing him to look at you and he has to blink multiple times in order for his sight to clear up. Sees, while he whimpers pathetically, his bloodstained, fearful girl seeing him. The real him. The flawed, broken him. 

“Gguk, Ggukie, what’s happening? Talk to me, baby, please.” 

He only sobs. Can’t get a word out. Because you’re here and you’re going to leave him—now that you’ve seen that he’s not a half of the man you pertain him to be. That he’s weak, pathetic and emotional. That he has problems that he doesn’t like to talk about. Unresolved issues that will affect you and guide you out of his life. 

You press him to your neck, holding him to you, and you shush him, gently, rocking him from side to side. Run your wet hand up his hair on the back of his head while the other one rubs large circles on his back. The light opens wider in him—and as he listens to the lullaby of your voice, it distracts him from the fear. It stills the ringing in his ears and blesses his arms with strength that he uses, without thinking, to wrap around you. 

Something lukewarm plops onto the side of his aching cheek as he, little by little, calms down, and he realizes it’s your precious tears. The salt to his wound. 

You’ve cried too much when you should’ve been laughing so hard that you’d be sick from it. 

“What happened? Tell me.” 

Your hand caresses his bad cheek, careful around the bump that your feather-light touch traces, and it’s how he finds out it’s even there. He finds out his bleeding is from his mouth because you wipe at it and clean your fingers on your dress. And then you’re back to stroking his hair, your long fingernails scratching, tenderly, his scalp, spreading alleviation down his body. 

You’re patient and gentle, tolerant and kind, despite the fact you deserve an explanation and he’s unable to give it to you. 

It’s what makes his rationality snap back to normalcy and he tugs your dress down, withdrawing from you and helping you stand to your feet. He’s here to make your night better, not unleash his problems at you. He takes your purse dangling from your hand, replacing it with his palm, and hauls you towards his car. 

But you stay put and he bounces back to you as if he were on a leash. 

And maybe he is—because you stayed at the horrendous scene of his worst. Bound to you in a way that he’s too drowsy to comprehend. Even his fear is tired, scurrying away to some shadowed corner of his soul, instead of attacking him and remaking the scene. 

“Give me my purse back and let me buy you that hot dog,” you say, with a hint of a remarkable harshness that makes him submit to you on a higher level. Something positive that he can’t pinpoint breezes through his clavicles and he wipes his knuckles across his eyes, shyness encasing him like steel—like a shield, giving him the hope that maybe, just maybe, he can overcome this with you. 

You didn’t leave. You didn’t disappear. You didn’t wrinkle your nose. 

You held him. Cleaned the blood off his mouth. Put him, somehow, back together like a puzzle piece. Knew how to do it without needing to look at the full picture. 

He hands you the chain strap of your purse—and it’s more of a symbol of his submission to you. Of the acquiescence and the meekness that you seeped into his pores by your touch. And, oddly, he feels whole. 

His walls are broken down, but he feels whole. Confident, soft, and manly. 

Because he has you and you’re here to take care of him. 

You’re quick on your feet as you yank him by the two of his fingers. He follows behind you, but all he can look at is your pendulous, brown, leather purse, suspended from your small hand, and how that shift of the dynamic in yours and his relationship occurred by that exchange. How it’s felicitous, pretty and sturdy. How he can come back to it and remember it—if he ever wavers. Remember that it’s the cure to his shakes. 

Letting himself be taken care of by you. 

The festival has ended and the ladies at the food stand are packing up to leave. It overwhelms him how much time his issues have stolen, but when he watches you go from nice to bratty in a millisecond, convincing them to make that last hot dog from him because he feels faint and needs some greasy food in order to get home and they comply, his love for you rises sky-high. Your own expression of love for him tidies up the debris from his broken walls and he’s so warm all over that he feels as though he’ll explode. 

You pay for the hot dog and leave a huge tip, thanking them with a smile that makes his heart quiver in a way that is pleasant, good and merciful. You hand it to him and it’s another exchange that wets his eyes, that makes him dip to your mouth and give you a chaste kiss that you more than deserve. You coo, deeply, into the kiss, and it’s a sound that he’s never heard from you. A dominant, prideful sound that stirs the butterflies in his stomach that carry your name on their wings to beat so ferociously that he can’t breathe. 

In a different way now. Pleasant, good and merciful. 

You walk away from the stand and sit with him on the sidewalk. Jungkook lets you have the first bite, sliding your leg over his as he holds the hot dog to your mouth. People are exiting the amphitheater in hefty crowds, but he doesn’t care. Can’t peel his eyes off of you as you open your mouth as wide as you can and take a big bite, whining and fanning your mouth due to how boiling hot it is. He can see the half chewed up sausage on your tongue and if he didn’t love you, he’d look away now, but he can’t because he does love you and your secret, indecent ways enthrall him enough that he can’t help but to kiss you again. Kiss the ketchup and mustard off of your upper lip. Clean you up like you cleaned up his debris. Blow on the sausage in your mouth a little to make you laugh and you do more than that. You chortle so hard that you nearly choke on it and he laughs, too, strangely. 

Thinks the hot dog is the best one he has had in a long time solely because you had that first bite. 

It fuels him with energy, yet he feels lightweight. Feels as though everything’s going to be okay, despite the fact those issues in him are a persisting threat and they can be triggered anytime. But something tells him you can handle it. 

You weren’t afraid to throw your middle fingers in a guy’s face because he had a problem with your public display of affection. Weren’t afraid of Jungkook’s ugliness. Weren’t afraid to fight the ladies so you could fill up his stomach with his favorite food. 

You can handle it. 

It’s all he thinks about as he drives you to his apartment with his hand on your thigh. 

And it’s all he thinks about when he kneels before you while he takes off your sneakers and lingers there, scattering kisses just below the hem of your dress. And you know where this is going because you pull him back by his hair and as he looks up at you like this, a peasant to a queen, his heart hammers so intensively that all he wants to do is cry while he makes love to you. 

He came across his salvation—in the worst of it all. 

“Let me clean you up,” you hush out, and Jungkook doesn’t understand because you already have. Internally. And outwardly all the same. He can’t postpone this any longer. He has to give back to you, give you his gratitude on a silver platter. He needs to do it because if he doesn’t, he’ll crumble. 

“No,” he rasps in a whisper, closing his mouth over the inner of your thigh, placing a singular kiss there before he returns his gaze back to you. “Let me, please.” 

Maybe you can see his desperation in the glossiness of his eyes and it awakens your pity for him, for in a blink you nod, and for the second time today—he doesn’t hesitate to do the next thing. He fists the fabric of your dress and yanks it up over your tummy, nuzzling his nose into your clothed mound. Pink, like your sneakers. 

He inhales you. Inhales the beginning of your arousal—and the beginning of a brand new scene that will color his life in a soft manner. 

Dragging the waistband of your panties down your legs, he tosses them on top of your shoes. Yearns for your legs to part your royalty for him and in order for that to happen, he carries you, bridal-style, over to the white of his bedding. Pretends it’s clouds that he’s laying you down upon because he’s about to make sure he’ll bring heaven down to you. 

The heaven that helped him give back to you earlier in his worst. 

He hooks his fingers under your socks and slides them off, one by one. Makes you sit up to rid you of your dress. Ruins your ponytail in the process, but he quickly fixes it by lugging your hair tie down your length, rubbing his blood away on your forehead with his saliva-coated thumb once he places you back down. 

And it’s not an expression of his dominance, the way he disburdened you from the daytime. That has long ceased to exist in him since that exchange. 

It’s an expression of his servitude to you. 

Of his lessening and your heightening. 

And it’s pleasant, good and merciful. It doesn’t feel as though he’s giving all of himself. On the contrary, it feels as though he has just discovered his true self. 

He won’t forget the address of his home because he’s not staying over anywhere. 

He is at home. 

And your folds revealing your royalty as he spreads your legs is the feeling of homeliness. His mouth on your warm, swollen clit is the epitome of all domesticity and the only thing he can fear at this very moment is his future homesickness if he rips his mouth off your cunt. 

And you getting wet so easily just from being taken care of like a queen confirms and validates all that he’s feeling. 

And he lets you know. 

Peasants are savages and he eats your pussy like it. Sucks on your clit with a verve that surprises him and makes his cock tight uncomfortably in his pants, especially when you make those deep, guttural noises of yours. You’re not the soft girl he knew that omitted swear words in her favorite filthy songs. You’re a vulgar woman, rolling her hips into his mouth as he lets you use his tongue. 

And he stops—just to beg for those words. 

“Let me hear you swear for me, please.” 

You whimper, flopping into the mattress, only to raise your torso using your elbows. You grip the hair on the back of his neck and hump his mouth, but then you suck in a breath and draw back, sobered up all of a sudden. 

“Does your lip hurt?” you ask, rounding your brows in pity and Jungkook’s heart quickens at the portrayal of your care towards him. His senses flick to that faint throbbing on the side of his pierced lip and he perceives that he forgot about his physical pain. His cheek throbs as well, but it’s all bearable. 

You help him remember. 

“It doesn’t hurt, baby.” 

But the hand that gripped his hair slides over to his lip, caressing it with a thumb. “But it’s swollen. I don’t want to hurt you.” 

He also remembers that he was bleeding from the same place and he checks your folds if he spattered them. With the same digit, he runs it over them, finding no taints of it. Sends a quick, internal thank you to God. 

You’re pure—he doesn’t want to mar you. 

“You’re not hurting me. You’re saving me,” he utters without a breath, the words more raw than anything he’s ever said to you, alongside his first, secretly sensitive I love you. And while he doesn’t let his lungs lift, you inhale all of the air for him, wafting it over him as you pout ever so slightly. And then you caress him—the good side of his face and he does something he’s never expected to do. 

He invites you in. 

Rests his head on the apex of your thigh while you continue to brush your hand in circles. Over his cheekbone, his temple, long strands of hair and ear. An ouroboros of love so unsullied and intact that the world’s upcoming destruction could never afflict it, never even come near it. Jungkook pushes your leg back and darts out his tongue. Mirrors your circles over your clit and the gentleness he uses to do it with pull such alluring moans from the bottom of your throat that he’s nearly at the peak of his own orgasm. 

And it just makes him hungrier. 

He turns you over to your side and closes that leg of yours over his head. Flattens his tongue over your clit and eats it like his life depends on it, one hand holding yours while the other slips to your heat, rubbing the hole until you go mad. And he’s not holding your hand to keep you bound. He’s holding your hand to keep his sanity and not come in his pants like a boy. 

You move your hips so his fingers enter you and you scream out at the sudden fullness. Jungkook drips in sweat, your walls slowly stretching around him sending tingles down his spine, and he’s moaning when you fuck yourself on his digits. 

It doesn’t take long for you to come. 

It is the final piece to your own puzzle and your orgasm thunders through you, the swear words tumbling out of your mouth like refreshing raindrops. You interweave them into his name, adorning it, making it prettier, and Jungkook is so overwhelmed with pleasure that all he can do is suck on your clit until you convulse so hard that you can’t take it anymore.

You may have lost your spark earlier, but now that you’ve come so magnificently, you’ve become it. The star of light isn’t something that gets attached to your eyes whenever you’re happy anymore. 

You’re the queen of all firelights and constellations. 

He lets you lie on your side as he hauls himself up to face you. He touches your skin besprinkled with the beads of perspiration, kneading the fleshy parts and ending up at your neck. Your eyes are closed when he reposes his head on his pillow besides yours and he detects his pleasure creating a new kind of joy within him, one that etches a lopsided smile on his face. 

You said the words for him while your orgasm coursed through your body. He wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Thank you,” he whispers against your lips, kissing you with a certain roughness that makes you whine and withdraw. You give him a playful dirty look, fragrant with your love, and Jungkook’s smile deepens. 

“Gentle,” you reprimand, fluttering your eyes back shut. “Don’t be a masochist.” 

He laughs through his nose, his heart constricting, and he kisses you with the gentleness you spoke of just to show you he can do it. 

You hum in appreciation and Jungkook thinks this must be the best day of his life, despite all. 

“There we go,” you praise, sleepily. “Gentle, so your boo-boo doesn’t hurt.” 

He caresses your face in circles in your fashion, watches you visibly relax and your eyes close all the way, your eyelashes brushing against him. His sleep-kissed queen. 

“You wanna sleep?” he asks, fondling the shell of your ear. He doesn’t mind if you’re too tired to take him; he’s willing to study the way your mouth parts and lets out long, restful breaths as you drift off to dreamland. 

He thinks it would be an honor. 

Everything had changed. The way he sees you, the way he loves you, the way he senses yours and his connection. The pupils of his eyes have been purified and he’s acknowledging himself with the ins and outs of his own relationship. 

Everything is new. 

You shake your head, humming out a sound of disagreement. “No, give me a second. You made me come really hard.” 

He nods, even though you can’t see him, and he sifts his fingers through your hair. Trails his kisses from your cheek to your neck and shoulder, dwelling there as you recuperate from your intense orgasm.

And then you’re swinging your leg over and straddling him. Your lids are so heavy from your little eye-shut that he silently coos at you, but your tiredness doesn’t stop you from mouthing kisses down his mesh-clad chest. From unbuckling his belt and freeing him from his pants. The mesh shirt is the only thing you keep on him. You bunch up its hem in your fist, stabilize his cock with your other and you swallow him. 

Not all the way, though. 

You rid him of his sanity because you pop your mouth, over and over, on the tip of his manhood. He feels the sound deep in his groin, right beneath your hand, and his chest can’t help but to shudder with each suction, his face scrunching. He unabashedly whimpers for you and you like his noises so much that you give him what he never asked you for. 

You do take him all the way. 

And your throat is your scent floating through the air of yours and his home. 

Heady, oriental and feminine. 

You slobber all over him, running your tongue sideways upon the veins along his length and Jungkook slinks in and out of his conscience. The pleasure you’re blessing him with brings him to a rose garden when you gag around him. The pink petals tickle his stomach, encouraging his shudders, and all he sees is you in the middle of that garden. A mighty statue of its queen—with a mouthful of cock. 

And then he has to physically pull you away from him because if he felt the tightness of your throat one more time, he’d be spurting ropes of cum down your esophagus. 

You’re feral, staring him down with a maddened smile, returning to your original position on his hips. And as delighted as he is to have you be in charge, he remembers something. 

He hasn’t put a condom on. 

“Wait.” 

Jungkook holds your waist as he rummages in his bedside table and once he finds the package he was looking for and rattles it, he finds it empty. Cold sweat trickles down the back of his neck, but he remembers something else as well. 

“Did you not put it in your purse?” he asks, the scene where he hands you the last square of the rubber for you to keep in your purse in case you get in the mood during the festival shooting out before his eyes. 

You nod. “Yeah, I think so. Can you go get it?” 

He sits up with you and kisses you, gently, prolonging the kiss until you whine and he thinks twice before provoking you. He can’t help it—you just keep saving him. 

Walking through your corridor, he sees your pink sneakers first, embellished with your panties of the same color. A smile tugs at the aching corner of his mouth, but he doesn’t mind. Thinks it heightens the experience. Bending to pick up your brown purse that he set beside your shoes, the time seems to slow down as he’s reminded of the exchange out there in the countryside. The shift of dynamics that liberated him. Jungkook grows emotional, his feelings liquifying and prickling his eyes. 

And it’s automatic and absolutely instinctual—the way he dips his mouth and kisses the leather material. 

Gently. 

Opening it, he fishes out the white square and hangs your purse on the hook among his jackets. Gives it a long, meaningful look before he returns to you. 

And you’re the one who wants to put it on him. You’re so diligent, tugging the peak of the rubber multiple times so you’re unequivocally certain that you did it right. And when you tug him, he whimpers so inferiorly that you emulate his hunger. 

You depict it so eloquently when you fight through your residual overstimulation and sink down on him, little by little. And the more inches your walls squeeze around, the more his new role settles within him. 

Peasant with his queen. 

You ride him like it. 

You bounce on him with such hard thuds that it provokes the pressure in his groin. His balls tighten so rapidly and the cinematic view of your breasts slapping against each other doesn’t really help slow down the incoming explosion of his orgasm. A glistening ring forms around his cock from your slick—and Jungkook genuinely considers, right here, right now, buying you a promise ring that will be an eternal reminder of this sublime salvation. 

And you’re as aware of the shift as he is because once you reposition your weight onto your feet, you pin his hands back and use them as leverage. Intertwine your fingers with his. His vision gets filled with spots of white. You clamp down on him with each stroke and even though he can’t move, he feels unshackled. There’s no ending to his moans. He’s so close, the pressure deepens in his groin, and he needs one more thing. 

One more thing and he’s done. 

“Kiss me,” he rasps, and you slow down, crying out, your orgasm catching up to you just the same, but he needs your attention, so he begs. “Please, baby. Kiss me.” 

Lowering yourself onto your knees, you lean forward. “Fuck, I love it when you beg. I’d give you anything you ever wanted.” 

His stomach spasms. Your nipples sail over his chest and you shudder, the mesh fabric stimulating you, and then you’re swirling your tongue around the arc of his open mouth. 

Teasing him, like the vulgar, bratty woman you are. 

Extra careful around the lip ring and his swollen flesh, healing it in a way. 

Jungkook whines your name. “Please.” 

You kiss him just once, but he needs more. Lifts his head off the pillow, chasing your mouth. You begin to swirl your hips in circles on the tip of his cock, just like your tongue, and the intense pleasure he gets from it forces him to bang his head back. 

You go for his neck. His collarbone. His nipple. 

And Jungkook can’t hold back anymore. 

His orgasm bursts in his groin and all the roses in the garden swell with freshness. He imagines he’s filling you up, instead of the condom and it elevates the momentous shocks of the explosion descending down all of his nerve endings. He hiccups and that’s it for you. You let go of his hands to massage your clit and you follow him out into that garden, his name and curse words trickling out of your mouth that lowers to his in a final, years-long kiss. 

His last rope oozes out of him at the feeling of your soft, wary tongue and he wants to weep due to the density of your care. More shrubs of roses bloom around your statue in that garden—and once again, he can’t peel his eyes off of you. 

Can’t stop brushing your hair back to see more of you. More of your rose-flushed complexion. More of the spark of your being that irradiates you from within. More of your care and love. 

And you give it to him. 

You wash out the dried blood on his face in the shower. Brush his teeth with extra care, which makes it more than difficult for him to stifle his tears. He lets you be a witness to his sensitivity and you welcome it, cradle it, hold him while the toothpaste foam numbs his achy lip. And it scares his fear away, most peculiarly. 

You hold him in bed, too, amidst the crisp, flower-scented linen of his fresh bed sheets, and you apologize. 

“I’m sorry for what happened tonight. If I hadn’t said a thing, you wouldn’t have ended up bruised and swollen,” you croak out, shifting the cold compress lower on his face, and you break into tears that trigger his. He had wished you weren’t a brat, but for a far different reason, and he tells you. 

“It’s an honor to get punched in the face for you.” He smiles through his tears and you sigh, removing the cold compress. “But I did wish things ended differently. I wanted to fuck you in my car. Keep the window open so you would hear your favorite rapper. But if things went according to my plan, you wouldn’t have healed me.” 

You sniffle, your eyes rounding at the onrush of your tender emotions, and Jungkook watches the waterfall of your tears. His own flows and mingles with yours, joining in unity. 

“What happened to you when we left?” you ask and Jungkook knows he wouldn’t avoid this question for long. Deems you deserve to know because of all what you’ve done for him. And he readies himself, pausing before he bares himself, fully, to you. 

“I got into panic mode because I blamed myself for ruining your night and…” he trails off, aware of the fact he needs to be more specific, and he takes a deep breath, wiping his tears with one hand before slapping it back on the duvet. “I have a constant fear that the people I care for will eventually leave me,” he explains and a wisp of pride envelops his bones for managing to get those words out for the first time in his life. You snuggle closer to his side, placing your head on his shoulder, and he gazes down at you. His fingers find your ear on their own and it comforts him enough, to touch you like that, that he’s able to continue. “I got left behind a lot of times in my past, which is why I swore off love. It just hurt too much and I stopped having the capacity for it. And when we left the concert, I thought you’d leave me, too, after what I’d done.” 

You press the cold compress back to his cheek. “I could never leave you, you’re mine,” you whisper, and another stream of tears soaks through the dish towel wrapped around frozen vegetables. Jungkook doesn’t take your words for granted. He puts great meaning to them and hides them, safely, in his sternum. “And you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t ruin my night. It was all me and for that I’m sorry.” 

He squeezes your arm. “Don’t be sorry,” he says and means it. Lifts his head and plants a cold kiss to your lips. 

Gentle. 

“I love you, Ggukie. It’s me who should be fighting for you now.” 

Jungkook laughs through his nose. “No, I’ll keep protecting my queen.” One more kiss, gentler. “I love you,” he adds and means it. 

And he falls asleep like this. With you clinging to the side of his body while keeping the cold compress intact and unmoving with your forehead. One that he removes in the middle of the night and warms up the iciness of your skin by smothering it with his body heat. 

Returns to the rose garden and gapes at the statue of you, hand in hand with you—as a changed person, a sensitive, flawed and submissive person that is loved and accepted. 

Finds it hard to believe even in his dream. 

And you’re there when he wakes up. 

Drooling, indecent and vulgar as you are. And he wouldn’t want anyone else.

𓂃 ౨ৎ LOVE-KISSED BABIES: @tkslovechild, @jjk7k, @parkinglot-nights, @bethvar, @Sexytholland, @yoongibaybee, @crystaleah,@fennecnco, @lil-kpopstan, @euphoricmyth, @jungkoock, @cinmmongirl, @hobiberrystuff, @kam9404.

© 2024 hoseoksluna, all rights reserved.

BACK to masterlist

[golden-cherry]

deal - cl16 (30/?)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Series Summary: Your whole life has gone to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the Monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it’s his apartment.

Chapter Summary: The Leclerc family dinner is something else.

Warnings: this is just cute, mentions of injuries (due to Monopoly), alcohol consumption, Arthur Leclerc

Word Count: 3.8k

series masterlist

previous part

A/N: happy birthday to the lovely anon from yesterday! this is not smutty, but I hope you'll still like it! feedback is appreciated!

When Charles brings the rickety Renault to a halt and pulls the handbrake, you can hardly believe your eyes.

The car is parked in front of a large, white house that is surrounded by green ivy on one corner. The black roof perfectly matches the black shutters leaning against the wall of the house, giving you a glimpse of the interior. Above the double doors of the entrance is a small balcony with a black metal fence and small flower boxes in which beautiful, colorful flowers are sure to bloom in summer.

It looks like a painting.

You stare open-mouthed through the windshield. "It's gorgeous."

Your friend smiles. "My mother had it renovated last year. The façade was crumbling a bit and the windows were no longer in good shape." He shrugs his shoulders. "But otherwise it's stayed the same. I grew up here."

You can hardly take your eyes off it as you get out of the car. "It's beautiful. It must have been great growing up here."

"It was." He rounds the hood and stands next to you. "Unfortunately, I was always on the road because of karting and the older I got, the less time I spent here. But this house holds so many memories." He exhales deeply. "This is my home."

You turn your head in his direction before reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "Thank you for taking me with you."

Charles smiles gently at you and pulls you a little closer so that you can feel his warm breath on your face. "Don't get too excited. You haven't met my brothers yet."

You tilt your head a little. "Are they that bad?"

"The worst," he whispers and leans forward a little. His gaze flickers briefly from your eyes to your lips. Your heart leaps a little. "But I'm the worst."

"Shouldn't I stay away from you then?" you ask him. He's so close to you that you have to tilt your head back to look at him. "Good girls should keep their distance from bad boys, shouldn't they?"

Charles releases his hand from yours and gently places it on your neck, leaving you no choice but to look at him. His other arm wraps around your waist and he pulls you all the way against him. Chest to chest, he looks down at you before licking his lips. You can feel the arousal pooling in your panties. "Are you a good girl, mon amour?"

As one of the front doors opens, he disengages from you with a smooth movement, as if nothing had ever happened and as if it wasn't running through your mind how you would have loved to get down on your knees for him right there. As he walks towards the house, you can see his back muscles dancing under his shirt. How you wish you could scratch him with your fingernails and -

"Maman. It's so good to see you," he greets his mother, who kisses him left and right on the cheek, snapping you out of your super non-platonic daydream. Which maybe isn't the worst thing, Charles is your friend after all.

"Yes yes, it's nice to see you too," she replies, before pushing past him and coming towards you. "Chérie, I'm so glad you're here!" The woman hugs you tightly before also kissing you left and right.

"It's nice to see you again too, Pascale," you smile. "Thank you so much for inviting me. The house is gorgeous."

"Thank you, chérie," she replies and reaches for your hands. "Come on, come on. Let me show you the house." Before you can say anything back, she pulls you towards the house, past Charles and through the door. "Charles! Your brothers will be here soon. You can set the table," she calls to him over her shoulder.

"Of course, Maman," he replies and when you look back at him, he rolls his eyes in mock annoyance.

"And please take the good china! We want to make a good impression."

"Of course, Maman." Charles, who has followed you into the house, closes the front door behind him.

The inside of the house looks like it's from another world. Large, white tiles adorn the floor, the furniture is kept simple, but still looks luxurious and so expensive that you'd be worried about scratching the surfaces with your car keys if you put them down. The lower floor is open plan, with a large kitchen with a kitchen island, a glass dining table and the living room. There's a soft-looking sofa in front of the fireplace, where you can definitely warm up on cold days. There are countless pictures on the walls - a mixture of art and personal photos.

"Would you like something to drink, chérie?" asks Pascale as you stop in the kitchen and she lets go of your hand. She opens the fridge and starts rummaging around in it. "We have water, orange juice, spritz, wine and cola."

"I don't need anything, thank you," you reply with a smile. You're a little overwhelmed that she's being so nice to you. You're not used to parents being so sweet and kind. Yours certainly weren't when you lived with them.

"All right, then. If you need anything, just take it. Make yourself at home." She squeezes your shoulder briefly before scurrying past you. "Charles! The table!"

"I'm on it," his voice comes from another corner of the room before he steps back into your field of vision. He is holding expensive-looking tableware in his hands, which he carefully spreads out on various coasters on the glass table. "Could you please take the cutlery from the top drawer there? There must be six of us. Enzo wanted to bring his wife Charlotte."

You take the cutlery from the drawer and count it off before joining him at the table and distributing the items. "I'm a bit nervous," you confess quietly. As you place a fork next to one of the plates, Charles grabs your hand.

"We can leave if that's too much for you," he suggests. " I'm sorry. My brothers aren't that bad. They're nice and funny and I think you'll get along fine." He strokes the inside of his wrist lovingly with his thumb. "You really don't need to worry. But if you want to leave, I can understand that."

You shake your head slightly. "It's all good. Your mother cooked dinner especially for me and it would be rude to leave now." You chew the inside of your cheek. "I just want to make a good impression."

Charles takes the rest of the cutlery from your hand before interlacing his fingers with yours. "You really don't have to worry about that, mon amour. She already loves you."

You raise an eyebrow in confusion. "And how do you know that? Did she tell you that?"

"She didn't need to," he replies with a smile. "When I introduced her to Annika back then, she reacted differently. No kisses, no dinner to get to know each other better. And she definitely didn't ask her to feel at home here," he explains, placing his free hand on your cheek. "She has good intuition and the fact that she took you to her heart within minutes just shows me that I made a good catch with you."

"Excuse me! There are children here!" a male voice shouts across the room. You would have liked to take three steps back to put some distance between you and Charles, but he keeps you in place.

"I don't see any children," replies the man in front of you, glancing over your head towards the kitchen. When you turn around, a young man is standing there, grinning and leaning against the kitchen island. "All I see is an annoying little brother who doesn't know when to hold back."

Playfully hurt, the stranger puts his hand on his chest. "Ouch. I'm not the one who can't seem to just pull through ." Before you can say anything back, he takes the few steps towards you and stops in front of Charles. The two stare at each other for a moment before a wide smile spreads across the shorter man's face. "Good to see you, big brother."

Charles releases his hand from yours so that he can embrace his baby brother. "You too." With a smile, he hugs him before gently pushing him away. He turns to you. "This is my little brother Arthur."

"It's nice to meet you," he replies and - in true Pascale style - gives you a little kiss on each cheek before winking at you. "Maman has already told me about you, but she didn't tell me how beautiful you are."

"'Keep your hands off, Arthur,' your roommate warns his brother, but he just waves it off.

"Don't worry, Charles. I'm not here to take your girlfriend away." You raise your hand and open your mouth to correct him, but he turns on his heel and walks back towards the fridge. "I'm here because I was promised good food. And maybe a game of Monopoly?" He waggles his eyebrows in anticipation.

Charles shakes his head vigorously. "Absolutely not. Last time Enzo nearly lost a finger because you thought he was cheating the bank."

Arthur rolls his eyes. "The whole thing would be unfunny without a bit of violence." His gaze shifts from his big brother to you. "What about you? Do you like Monopoly?"

"Monopoly? Maybe we should look for the first aid kit first," laughs the young woman who has just joined you. With her long blonde hair and wide, pearly-white smile, she looks so beautiful that it almost takes your breath away. Without giving the guys in the room a glance, she walks straight up to you and hugs you tightly. "Hi, I'm Charlotte. Enzo's wife." She gives you a quick hug before pulling away from you. "I like your top."

You introduce yourself to her as well before thanking her for the compliment. "Is Monopoly really that crazy in this family?" you ask quietly, watching Charles and Arthur tease each other in the kitchen.

"When it comes to winning, the men behave like animals," she explains, putting her slender arm around your shoulder. "That's why it's all the better that you're here now. Maybe they're acting a bit more grown-up this time then."

"Everyone here is an adult," another person defends themselves. The black-haired man tries to get Arthur out of Charles' headlock. "My little brothers might be a bit wild, but we're all old enough to behave reasonably." As he separates the two bickering men, he stands between them with his arms outstretched.

Arthur points his finger at the eldest of the three brothers. "You once knocked over the whole board because you had no more money to pay Charles."

Charles briefly runs his fingers through his tousled hair to get it into style. "And you once kicked us out of your apartment because you didn't have a hotel to take out a mortgage."

Before you know it, Enzo grabs his little brothers and tucks them under his arms, but Charles is quicker. With an elegant twist, he wriggles out of his brother's tight grip and twists his arm a little so that he can't get hold of him again, while Arthur tries with all his might to free himself.

"I told you," Charlotte whispers to you. "Like animals."

"Are you out of your minds?" Pascale's voice drowns out the boys, who abruptly move away from each other and blink at their mother. Arthur's face is red, while Enzo tugs his shirt right. Charles throws you a grin and a wink. "I'm cooking for everyone here and you're acting like children! Come on now! You know what you have to do!" she nags her sons, who quietly apologize to her and then scurry back and forth to put the rest of the things on the table.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" you ask the young woman next to you, but before she can answer you, Pascale is standing in front of you.

"Please take a seat. You're our special guest today and if I even see you lift a finger…" She gives you a stern, loving look before pulling one of the chairs from the table. With a nod, she tells you to sit down. Her look leaves no room for discussion.

"Would you like a glass of wine? I've brought a lovely sweet Riesling," Charlotte asks as she takes two wine glasses from one of the cupboards in the kitchen.

"Yes, please."

As she sets your glass down in front of you, the men also sit down at the table while Pascale places various bowls in front of you. When Charles tries to sit on the chair opposite you, his mother promptly stops him.

"The chair is broken, chéri. I'm afraid you'll have to use that stool there," she says, pointing to the small stool in the corner of the room.

Without hesitation, Charles swaps the pieces of furniture, but when he sits down, he grimaces. "My goodness, that's uncomfortable. It's sure to give me a backache."

"Maybe your lovely girlfriend can give you a back massage later," Arthur suggests, wiggling his eyebrows. Before he can react, your friend has reached into one of the bowls in front of you and thrown a piece of bread at his little brother. "Ouch, what the hell? I didn't say anything! It only becomes ambiguous when you make it ambiguous."

"Boys, pull yourselves together, otherwise it'll be the last time I invite you all here for dinner," Pascale scolds her sons, but you can tell she's not serious. She sits down at the table in front of them. "Now eat before the food gets cold."

-

"How did you two meet?" asks Enzo, popping a spoonful of vanilla ice cream into his mouth.

The pasta that Pascale cooked especially for you tasted absolutely fantastic. While you ate together, you talked about all sorts of things. About Enzo's work, Charlotte's recent seminar, new recipes that Pascale really wants to try out and your photography. At the beginning you were worried that you wouldn't be able to join in as you didn't know anyone from this family, but there was never a moment when you felt left out. It feels nice to be part of a family again - even if it's not your own.

Charles, who stretches his back briefly, looks at you across the table. "That's a funny story. Would you like to tell it?"

As all eyes turn to you, you have to swallow. You weren't expecting the attention. But Charles looks at you so gently and his smile is so warm. He makes you feel like you're not in the wrong place.

"He surprised me when I came out of the shower half-naked," you grin back. All you hear from the corner where Arthur is sitting is a whistle.

"Hey, that's not quite true," your roommate defends himself. "You were living in my second apartment without me knowing! Joris rented you the apartment and didn't tell me. And when I turned up there, you came out of the shower. It's not my fault." He raises his hands. "And you wanted to beat me up with a magazine!"

You reach for your wine glass and take a sip. "You were a stranger who suddenly appeared in my apartment. How else could I have reacted? You were so close to calling the police."

"You were standing half-naked in my apartment. It could have been that you were a crazy fan and somehow found out the address."

Charlotte looks up from her bowl of ice cream at you. "Didn't you know who he was?" As you shake your head, she claps her hands several times in delight. "Oh how cute! Just like in the fanfictions you can read on the internet! That's awesome!"

Her husband gives her a puzzled look. "You read fanfictions about my brother?"

Charlotte rolls her eyes. "Are you crazy? Of course not! But every now and then I just hear about it."

"And you've just decided to share the apartment," says Arthur as he scrapes two more scoops of ice cream out of the ice cream container.

"Yep. Just like that," Charles explains, and you smile gratefully at him. You're glad you don't have to explain that you're unemployed. Especially since everyone at this table is pursuing promising careers. Your friend smiles back affectionately before arching his back. "And it would also be the best decision I've ever made if I didn't have to sit on this stupid stool all evening. My spine feels like pebbles."

"Don't be like that," his mother grumbles at him. "You're still young. Your back pain can't be that bad."

"Arthur is younger than me. Shouldn't he be sitting in this chair then?" Charles tries to get out of it, but he falls silent when Pascale gives him a dirty look.

"But I don't have a girlfriend who can rub my back later," grins the youngest Leclerc. "I'm sure she won't mind."

"Arthur!" Pascale reprimands him. Her gaze shifts to you. "I'm so sorry. I thought I'd brought her up better." She puts her head in her hands.

"Oh, Maman." Charles gets up from his uncomfortable stool and you can tell by the way he looks that his back is actually hurting. He stands behind his mother and puts his hands on her shoulders. "We know you did your best. And we actually turned out well." He can barely suppress his grin. "Except for Arthur."

"Hey!" Arthur jumps up from his chair so quickly that you fear he's going to fall over backwards, but Charlotte just manages to catch it. Arthur chases his big brother around the room while Enzo stacks up the ice cream bowls to take them to the kitchen.

"Wait, I'll help you," you offer, reaching for the cutlery that has been left behind, but Pascale's hand on yours stops you in your tracks.

"If you lift a finger, the same thing will happen to it as with Enzo's fingers at Monopoly," she threatens lovingly and gets up to clear away the rest of the things herself.

You look at Charlotte uncertainly and she waves you off. "Don't worry about it. She doesn't mean any harm. She just wants you to feel comfortable here and make sure you have everything you need. You'll get used to it over time."

"Thank you," you reply with a smile. "I think if you weren't so nice to me, I'd be really scared of you."

The blonde has to laugh. "Unfortunately, I hear that a lot. But I know what it's like to be new to this family. It can be quite nerve-wracking and overwhelming. But they're all lovely people. You don't need to worry about that." She puts her hand on yours briefly before rising and joining her husband in the kitchen.

A short time later, you feel two large hands on your shoulders. "Are you all right?" Charles asks as you lean your head back to look at him. "My family didn't scare you off, did they? Or are you sick of it and don't want anything to do with me anymore?"

"A terrible family," you reply and feel his thumbs rubbing gentle circles into your skin. You feel warm.

"I can understand," he nods and leans down towards you so that the tips of your noses touch. "So that's the last time we'll see everyone. I definitely prefer your company to that of the others."

You have to stifle a giggle. "You're only saying that because you're hoping to get a back massage from me as soon as we get home." Your mouth goes dry at the thought of running your hands over his muscular back and feeling the soft skin under your fingertips.

"You're right about that," he admits. "Shall we go? I've had to share you with my family long enough."

"You want to leave already?" asks Pascale, who has rejoined you at the table. You didn't even realize she was back until she started talking.

"Yes, maman. My back really hurts and we have a lot to do tomorrow," he apologizes. It's news to you that you have plans. But maybe it's just an excuse so that you can be alone again more quickly. And you definitely have no objections to that.

Friends, sure.

"All right." She puts her hands on her hips. "But I'll expect you both back here at Christmas. I'll prepare your old room so you can spend the night here." Her smile is warm and heartfelt. As you get up from your chair to say goodbye to her, she wraps you tightly in her arms. "It's so nice that you're part of our family now. I'm already looking forward to having you back here at Christmas. It's only a few more days until then."

"Thank you for your invitation." You return her hug. "I haven't felt like part of a family for a long time."

Apparently she sees something in your gaze, something sad, because she has to swallow before she starts speaking again. "We've been through a lot as a family - and I think you have too. You're always welcome here. No matter what happens. Even if you need someone to be there for you in the middle of the night. The doors of this house are always open to you." She blinks away a few tears and you briefly consider hugging her again.

Which you finally do. "Your family is wonderful. You've raised three great sons. If your husband was anywhere near as kind-hearted as they turned out to be, then he must have been the most lovable person in the world," you whisper to her.

"He would have loved you. I'm sure of it." As she breaks away from you, she wipes her eyes once. "Thank you for looking after my son. There's no denying how good you are for him."

As if on cue, Charles stands next to you and puts his arm around your waist to pull you close. You feel his body heat, the pressure of his fingers on your skin.

After this morning, you had been unsure whether you would ever be so close again despite the misstep, or whether you would keep your distance because the situation would be awkward for people who are actually just friends. But Charles' smile is genuine, his gaze gentle and his lips soft as he presses them lovingly to your forehead.

"She's the absolute best thing that could have happened to me."

[mewhenimanangel]

cherry, eren jaeger

—synopsis. you and eren reunite after almost two years.

—chapter 10 ౨ৎ

𝜗𝜚 content!: au-college/university, time skip, black reader, au-modern, reuniting, confessions, oral sex, breastplay, piv sex, missionary, filthy smut, long chapter

previous ౨ৎ

nia’s ౨ৎ notes: this chapter is pretty long but i felt it was necessary. i loved this story so much it was so cute and so sweet. thanks for reading! 🫧🎀

today was lana's birthday, her 21st to be exact, and you were driving down to her apartment for her party, you were quick with your movements considering you were running a little bit late and it was an hour and a half drive down.

it had been almost two years since you graduated from high school. since then you committed to your dream college about an hour away from home and you were studying for your dream career.

you had a part time job at a clothing store near by and a paid internship at a marketing brand company, so you were always busy between those obligations and classes. but there was no way you were going to miss your best friend's birthday.

your college experience was enjoyable for the most part - you joined the dance team, and were part of the honors program for the school. you were lucky enough to find a really nice roommate, evanie, who you grew fairly close to the last two years, you guys even agreed to continue being roommates as long as you attended the school.

you met a few friends at uni - brooklyn, who was a total party girl and who always brought the excitement. brooklyn's girlfriend, dana, who was a little more introvert than brooklyn, but was really funny and a talented artist. and you met parker, a charming and caring guy with a lean body, in your statistics class freshman year.

who which you hooked up with a bunch of times, and though he assured you he loved every second of it, he decided to come to terms with the fact that he was gay and you guys decided to stay friends.

thanks to brooklyn, you went out a lot more than you thought you would. clubbing, sleepovers with the group, a road trip to the beach - which you missed an exam for, you went to parties here and there, hooked up here and there.

you hadn't really been in any relationships in college, it was more or less, sex. you had this thing with a guy you'd met at a party. his name was daniel, but insisted everyone called him danny. he was on the basketball team.

your thing with him lasted about two months before he accepted a transfer offer to a better school and decided that whatever you and him were, wasn't enough of anything to hold on to. but there were no hard feelings, you were thinking the same.

after he transferred halfway through this school year, it had you thinking about eren again. who you had a sneaky suspicion would be at this party tonight, though lana swore he wouldn't.

it's been almost a year since the last time you spoke to him. not because of anything bad, you just grew apart.

he went to the university of marley and you both just got so busy that you never really talked much anymore.

over the summer before college, you had hooked up at jean's fourth of july party. no one knew about it.

once the barbecue was over, eren offered to drop you home. though, once he pulled up outside your house, something came over the both of you and you smashed your lips against his.

you were lucky eren's windows were tinted so nobody could see the way you crawled over the console to sit on his lap while his mouth left marks all over your neck. or how you grinded your hips against his growing dick.

his hands tangled in your hair as he laid his car seat back and pulled his pants down.

you shook the memory out of your head as you turned left down an intersection. you called lana to tell her you were on your way as you anxiously checked your back seat to make sure her gifts were in fact there.

you had gotten her a designer bag you knew she always wanted and you got dana to paint a picture of the two of you when you were younger.

you searched for five minutes for a parking spot outside of lana's apartment before you went up the elevator to her floor.

you rest the painting and the gift bag at the side of her door before you knocked, it was a rather big painting and you didn't want her to see it just yet.

lana opened the door with a big smile on her face and arms out ready to give you a hug. "happy birthday oh my god you're becoming a big girl" you joked as you squeezed her tight.

"ugh i'm just so glad you made it" she hugged you tighter. "of course i would make it" you said as you held her arms. you took the chance to look past her for a second, the apartment was filled with people - some you recognized, some you didn't. there was music bumping, and people dancing.

you could see a table by her windows filled with mini sandwiches, snacks, deserts, and pizza. everyone was dressed nice as lana told everyone to.

there were pink streamers and flowers decorating her already decorated apartment. she offered for you to live with her full time and as much as you would've loved to, it was just too far from your school. so during the summers, after going back home to your mom, you would spend weeks at a time at her apartment.

"i got you a present" you smirked as you leaned down to grab the gifts of the floor. "ooou you did?" she smiled.

you showed her the painting and she smiled before thanking you and bringing you to her bedroom.

"i'm definitely hanging this up in my living room once all these people leave" she told you and you giggled.

"oh and i have this" you handed her the gift bag as she opened it to find the purse. "no fucking way! how did you buy this?? don't you have student loans to pay off?" she joked.

"alright not too much cause i could take it back real quick" you laughed "i got it when it was on sale" you told her.

"you know im just playing with you, thank you so much" she hugged you again. "did connie come yet?" you asked her. "no not yet" she smirked "why, worried about eren showing up?"

"no!...no i'm not worried. i'm sure he's moved on too. it's just been a while" you shrugged. "you want me to tell con not to bring eren?" she asked you as she lead you out of the room.

"y/n! oh my god i've missed you so much" sasha threw her arms around you for a hug. "i didn't know you'd be coming" she told you. "hey sash, i've missed you too" you smiled. "you have to try the mini sandwiches" she told you. "oh i will" you giggled before she walked over to the table of food.

you said hi to some more familiar faces, occasionally falling into conversations with them - usual questions about school, work, life, etc. before lana found you again.

the sun was beginning to set and you joined your friends in the living room, dancing and sipping on your drinks.

"i'll be right back okay?" lana told you and you nod your head as you continued dancing with mikasa and sasha.

she opened her front door to see connie and eren standing on the other side. "oh baby i'm so sorry. there was so much traffic" connie immediately threw his arms around her. "happy birthday my love, im so sorry" he kissed her forehead.

"it's okay, you can make it up to me later" she winked before bringing him in for a kiss.

"hey eren" she waved before he brought her in for a side hug. "what's up, happy birthday"  she smiled and thanked him.

she closed the door behind them before grabbing connie's hand. "come on baby i wanna show you what y/n got me" she pulled him to her room.

eren perked up at the mention of your name. obviously he knew you would be here but actually being here knowing you were in the same room was a little too real.

"yo man, what took y'all so long" ony dapped him up. "so much traffic" eren hugged him. "it's good to see you bro it's been mad long" ony told him. "yeah man i've been keeping busy"

they talked for a bit before eren’s eyes scanned the room before landing on you. you looked even more beautiful than the last time he saw you, you looked so mature and confident.

your complexion was a little more tan than before, your hair looked as though you’d cut it shorter and it was straightened. you were in a pretty yellow dress and a cute little pair of open toed heels. there was a glass of wine in your hand as you talked to someone he didn’t recognize.

his heart sank when you looked over for a moment and your caught his eyes on you. there it was again, those tantalizing eyes and that charming smile.

the last time eren saw you was in armin’s pool as you all decided to do one last hang out with the group before you would be going your separate ways. after that the most you and him did was text, which fizzled out, his last message with you dating back nine months.

you felt your heart pick up when your eyes landed on eren. his hair was even shorter now, almost back to the way you remembered he wore it in middle school. he looked like he had put on a bit of muscle and grown an inch or two. his outfit looked nice and put together. you indulged in the thought that he got dressed today with you on the brain, the way you did.

you just stood there looking at each other, it became almost rude to the people you were both talking to. you excused yourself from your conversation before making your way over to him.

“hey stranger” he said first, same old grin on his face. ony took this as a sign to step away and let the two of you mingle. “hii, it’s so nice to see you” you reached out to hug him, holding out your drink. his arms wrapped around your waist.

“how’ve you been? you look good” you told him. “thanks,, i can definitely say the same about you” you didn’t miss the way his eyes trailed over you for a second as your lips curled into a smirk.

“so what’s up with you?” you asked him. “just keeping busy you know, school is slamming me. i’ve been working with some brands though”

the two of you talked for longer than you realized, catching each other up on your lives. you poured him a drink before you made your way out onto lana’s fire escape. you talked about your respective college experiences, work, your internship, his projects with brands, anything your minds led to.

talking with him made you realize how much you’ve both grown since the last time you saw each other and just how much you both missed each other.

you took a second to really look at each other as, just for a moment, eren’s eyes dipped down to your lips. a sly grin drew on both your faces as you let out a giggle.

“i have to ask, are you…seeing anyone?” he asked you “no not necessarily” he searched your face for an answer before you laughed. “no, no i’m not” you told him.

he took a step closer to you, standing so close you could feel the fabric of his jeans brush against your knee. you looked up at him, still taller than you even with your heels on, waiting for what he would do next.

“so,, does that mean i can do this?” he brushed your hair out of your face, letting his hand rest on your cheek and leaned in. you grinned as you followed along and held onto his waist, lips meeting for just a moment before connie knocked on the window, making you both jump and step away from each other.

“save that for later, we bout to sing happy birthday come on!” he told you before stepping away.

you looked at each other and laughed before climbing back into the apartment and joining everyone in singing happy birthday.

you and connie were first to give lana hugs and kisses and get your pictures taken before everyone else did the same. the whole time, eren’s eyes were just on you. he missed your smile, and your laugh, and the way you always made other people smile.

once the party was over you, connie, and eren stayed behind to help lana clean up. the four of you talked for a bit, munching on cake and the finger foods you were helping her put away.

“well i think it’s time i head out” you yawned. “okay there’s no way you’re leaving, your campus is like an hour and a half away. plus you’re still tipsy” lana insisted.

“how about you stay in the second bedroom?” she offered. you took a second to look at eren, hiding the small smirk on your face. lana clocked it immediately. “um i can take her” eren spoke up. “hm, very well then.” she nod her head before coming to give you a hug.

“stay safe and make sure he has a condom” she whispered in your ear and you giggled.

eren led the way out of lana’s apartment and down to your car. you let him drive since he had less to drink than you did and he drove to his brother’s apartment where he was staying.

he led you upstairs and opened the door to a spacious apartment with big windows overlooking the city. “jesus what does your brother do” you asked as eren closed the door behind you. “he’s a doctor or something like that. he’s not here though” eren told you as he leaned against the counter and watched you look down at the city.

you turned around to see a mischievous glint in his eyes. he cleared his throat before showing you to the guest room. “um there’s some clothes i had left in there from when i came down here with my mom if you wanna change” he told you.

“aw how is she?” you asked earnestly. “she’s good, she still loves and misses her prized dancer” eren grinned.

ʚɞ

you woke up in the middle of the night looking for water when you saw eren sitting at the kitchen island, doing something on his computer.

he turned your way when he heard the door open. “oh hey, can’t sleep?” he asked you. “nah, just thirsty” “there’s some water in the fridge, i’ll get you some” he got up to take a bottle of water out and handed it to you and you thanked him.

“what are you working on?” you asked him. “something for a class, i was supposed to finish it earlier but i put it off for lana’s party….which I’m glad i did cause i got to see you” he turned to you at the last part.

“i missed you a lot you know” he told you. “i missed you too. it was so nice seeing you again”

he didn’t say anything for a moment and you watched as though the gears in his head were turning.

“y/n….i really want to be with you. i can’t keep ignoring it anymore. i’ve wanted to be with you since we everything senior year. i tried to just push it down and get over you and try on new people but nobody fits, nobody but you. i don’t want this to be like last time, i don’t want this to be the last time i see you for another two years. it’s time for us to grow up and for me to admit that i really fucking want you and i think you want me too…”

you felt like you got the wind knocked out of you with the mini monologue he went on declaring his feelings for you.

“of course i want you too. i want you so bad eren, i don’t think my feelings for you ever really went away. i just, i don’t even know i was just a stupid seventeen year old who didn’t know what to do but i do know now. i want to be with you ren”

a moment went by before eren pulled you in for a hug. “god i’ve been dreaming to hear you say that” he mumbled into your shoulder while your hands played with the back of his hair.

he lift his head off your chest to look up at you and before you could even think, your lips were on his.

the kiss quickly changed from a soft pace to the two of you kissing like your lives depended on it. it was filled with years of tension and need.

eren stood up from the chair, pushing you up against the wall behind you as his hands dipped underneath the shirt you wore and held on to your waist. your mouths continued fighting to taste each other as your arms were wrapped around his neck.

you groaned in his mouth when you felt him grope your boob from under your shirt and his thumb grazed over your nipple. you felt him smirk against your mouth. “still like getting your tits played with?” he teased before moving to leave kisses and marks down your neck.

he reached for the bottom of your shirt and pulled it over your head, throwing it somewhere in the living room. he grabbed your boob and put it in his mouth, letting his tongue swirl over your nipple and sucking on it like a sweet.

a moan fell past your lips as you felt your face getting hot and you tangled your fingers through his hair. he pointed his tongue directly on the sensitive bud, reveling in the sweet noises you were making, like music to his ears.

you could feel your panties moistening by the second as you let your head lay back on the wall. he moved off your tit to show the other one some love, groping at it before putting it in his mouth.

he kissed along your collarbones before meeting your lips again. your hand dipped between your bodies and you teasingly grazed your fingers over the tent in his shorts. “mm what are you doing princess” “haven’t heard that one in a while” you grinned. “i wanna suck your dick” you looked him straight in the eyes.

“i won’t stop you” he smirked. you lowered yourself to your knees, keeping your eyes on his. you reached for the waistband of his shorts and pulled them down, revealing his dick print against his boxers. you pulled those down too.

face to face with his flushed dick, you wrapped your hand around it, slowing pumping to tease him. you licked a kitten lick over his tip, smirking when you heard his sharp inhale.

you pumped his cock between your fist as he let out small moans. most of the guys you’d hooked up with during college were too full of themselves to make any noise during sex. you enjoyed the groans he gave as he carefully held your hair in his hand.

you finally put his dick in your mouth, starting with his tip while you continued jerking him off. you slackened your jaw and manually breathed through your nose as you felt his cock fill your mouth. eren was definitely the biggest you’ve been with.

you combined your vacuuming lips with the licking of your tongue and it sent eren over the edge. one hand held onto the wall in front of him while the other kept a hold on your hair.

“fuck you’re so good at that” he whimpered. you licked along a vein near his tip and you felt his dick jump in your mouth.

“fuck y/n, think i’m gonna cum” he began shifting his hips, pushing himself further in your mouth. you felt his tip touch the back of your throat and you willed yourself not to gag, tears pricking your eyes. “you want my cum in your mouth, princess?” you nod your head.

a few seconds later he came and you swallowed every last drop. somehow, he was still hard and ready to go.

you got off your knees and he hugged your waist before kissing you again. “i’ll make you some tea for your throat” he said before lifting you up and carrying you back to the guest bedroom. he closed the door with his foot before laying you down on the bed.

you propped yourself up on your elbows as he pulled your pants and your panties down in one swift motion before he pulled off his wife beater, throwing all the pieces of clothes somewhere in the room. you think this is the first time you’ve seen each other fully naked.

“you’ve been working out?” you asked, trailing your hands over his soft abs. “yeah but i haven’t been in a while” he crawled on the bed and spread your legs, placing himself between them.

he squeezed your boobs before trailing his hands down to your vagina. you moaned feeling a finger rub over your clit before dipping in your hole.

he smirked before reaching over to the nightstand and pulling out a condom. “no need,,i’m in the pill. i wanna feel you” you told him.

he leaned down to kiss you again. “gonna fuck you so good baby” he whispered in your ear before lining his dick up with your entrance.

he eased himself inside you, hands gripping your hips as his hips snapped against yours in an erotic rhythm.

you felt him fill you up, brain going fuzzy. you reached behind you to grip onto the pillows. “oh my fucking god, ren- feels so good” your words came out airy as every hump inside you made you lose your breath.

your tits bounced and you felt the bed squeak as eren got more rough with his thrusts. “you feel so fucking good princess, like this pretty pussy was made for me” his grip on your hips got tighter.

your pussy engulfed his dick, you could feel his balls slapping against your skin.

the room was filled with the vulgar noise of your skin slapping against his, your pornographic moans, and eren’s grunts. for a second you wondered if the neighbors could hear you.

but you were too busy getting fucked out to care.

eren threw your leg over his shoulder leaning down to deepen himself inside you. “oh my god eren i’m gonna cum” a moan ripped out of you at the new angle.

“go ahead baby, wanna feel you rush on my dick” he kissed your forehead, holding on to the headboard behind you.

it didn’t take long for the knot in your stomach to snap and you were cumming all over eren’s cock. he followed suit soon after too and the two of you sat there for a few seconds trying to catch your breaths.

he pulled you in for a hug and you could feel his heart racing against your chest. you stayed like that for a while, hugging each other while eren’s dick was still buried inside you. “i think i love you y/n, if that’s not insane to say” he said, making you chuckle.

“it’s not. i love you too” you said before he pressed his lips against yours. this one much different than the one before - this one soft and gentle and sweet.

you kissed each other, never wanting to let go now that you’ve made your way back to one another.

[im-his-druidess]

Hi!

I've had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while, but I'm not the best at writing.

How would Vincent or Bo react to an S/O that came into town and was just a complete southern belle ? Maybe a bit ditsy but overall well meaning patient and kind. Like grew up pretty rural as well but maybe ended up moving to the city for college and finding out it wasn't really for her, so she's on a road trip back home and maybe gets lost. Some accident happens and she ends up in ambrose. Kinda similar to what happens to Allison in Tucker and Dale vs Evil if you've ever seen that movie? Without her friends of course 😅.

I always thought it would be interesting to put them next to someone who just completely contrasts there personally. They do say opposites attract!

Can be ABO of you'd like ! I have no preference

(Ps. Sorry for how long and hyper specific this is I've just had this thought for a while)

Good question!

I always liked the "Opposites Attract" idea so I always think about stuff like this. I even made my main OC due to these type of thoughts 😌

I think Bo would get the most amusement out of this situation. As much as he abuses women and forces them to be with him (Like tying Carly up in his murderfuck dungeon) he would absolutely love to have someone come to him willingly. Would feed his fantasy of having a normal life with a normal lover that wants him and treats him like a person.

He would absolutely dial up the charm and get you flustered and would flirt outrageously. Soak in you helplessness and sweetness before the real horrors begin.

Vincent would still be extremely cautious. Learning from a young age that wolves hide in sheep clothing. that just because someone smiles sweetly at him doesn't mean they want to be his friend. Would absolutely wait for the other shoe to drop and will sometimes, if worked up enough, strike before you even get a chance to prove or disprove his expectations. Forcing you to be his muse and greet him with that same sweetness or else face his displeasure.

If he's in a better mood then he might even try to sway you with pictures he's painted or sketched, scripts of poetry scrawled neatly on the bottom, and wildflowers appearing on the hood of your car where you're sleeping or outside the door of the room in their house that was so graciously offered to you.

When Vincent falls, he falls hard, and nothing will change his mind about making you his in every single way he knows how. Almost taking advantage of your ditsy behavior and sweet demeanor to make you stay with him.

[meloethelavendeer]

Some of my Kris headcanons because they are my second favorite character

And also just cause I need to get these down on to paper (?)

Favorite colour is grey

Some other colours they like are blue and pink

15 years old

Loves halloween

Eyes are naturally red

Their knife is a gift from catti

Sort of struggles with being human, wishes they were a monster

Loves psychological horror games, especially indie ones

Autism

Their favorite animals are rats and cats

Looooves the aesthetic of plague doctors and masks in general

Nonbinary, this is quite obvious but still

Struggles with dysphoria a bit, alot of people see them as quite masculine when they just want to be androgynous

Some outfits include all black ones with fishnets and stuff, a cute pink and blue striped dress and a some neat accesories

Has alot of outfits in their wardrobe, just reaaaaally attached to that one sweater.

100% has tried to cosplay their dark world form

Fucking hates the government

Favorite drink is apple juice

Ex Christian (or whatever castle town follows), now an athiest (maybe pagan)

Likes emotional music and classical music.

Has pulled some pretty crazy pranks before, some even getting in the local papers

"A message written in toilet paper has been found in the middle of the road this morning, it spells LIGMA"

Figured out they were nonbinary with the help of monster teen, they were quite good friends.

Loves the moon and night

100% would be bullied and called a furry in human society

Right handed

Surprisingly agile, tries their best to keep athletic but doesn't really work out

Would absolutely adore ultrakill

Just says stuff sometimes, utters random phrases that don't make much sense

Big anxiety huge anxiety suffering anxiety

Enjoys doing stuff with both their hands and feet, has learnt to play games and write using their feet.

They use this to bully noelle for having hooves (light-heartedly, of course)

Paints their nails black

Tries to do make-up but fails miserably and it makes them really fucking sad.

Loves messing with people, irritating them. One might say trolling them

Their voice is quite unique. It's rather deep but they try their best not to have it sound masculine. They often talk quietly so it doesn't really have that gravel to it.

Oh btw amab kris

Grew up on Windows seven

And the ps3 as well

As a older sibling idk how younger siblings work so like no kris and asriel headcanons

Chill with most people unless they are assholes or problematic.

Trying to grow out their hair or at least make it a bit bigger.

Really really wants piercings but toriel refuses to let them have any (asgore has promised he will do his best to get them some for their 16th birthday)

Really jealous that they can't do magic, learnt magic tricks as a result

Pansexual

Gets more real world crushes then fictional crushes

Says really morbid things sometimes as "fun facts"

Wanted to be possessed by a demon and constantly joked about it

Now that it has happened they do not enjoy it at all , and nobody believes them when they talk about it. Except maybe susie.

They do appreciate it when the player tries to do best by them. Which is rare.

They still want us gone though.

Always talks about being evil but doesn't really want to hurt anybody, they care alot about their friends.

Yeah, that's all. A lot of these are projections, tbh but I'm glad I got it down.

[unique-high]

More Hearts Than Mine | Namjoon x Blk Fem reader.

Summary: Your heart wasn't the only one he broke.

A/N: The song lyrics will be written into the ff. Wrote this on a whim because I really love this song and couldn't help but think of Namjoon for this. Sorry for any mistakes.

BEFORE: “I can't wait to show you where I grew up.” You tell Namjoon one night. This will be his first time meeting your family, and seeing where you grew up that made you into the woman you are today. You were going to show him your favorite places and take him to all the best spots. You'll walk Namjoon around the foothills of your town. After hearing you talking about your hometown for six months now; It's like Namjoon has been there before. Walked the asphalt streets, tasted the local foods, and saw the landmarks. He wanted a real feel of it, though. He'll fall in love with your hometown and your family like he has with you.

It's the morning of your trip to your hometown. You and Namjoon are packing.

“We'll probably have to sleep in separate bedrooms.” You tell him as you move around him to get to your suitcase. He doesn't mind the separate bedrooms. You have told him the kind of people your parents are and he respects that. He'd asked you question about your mama, then your dad, and then your little sister.

“You think they'll like me?” Namjoon asks.

“Yes. I told them so much about you and they can't wait to meet the guy who has taken good care of my heart.” You smiled at Namjoon. You would spend all night on the phone with your little sister telling her how great of a guy Namjoon was until your mama told her it's time for her to get to bed.

You look over the clothes that Namjoon has in his suitcase. “Pack a shirt for church because we'll go.”

He has a nice black button-down that he packs. You sit on the bed next to Namjoon's suitcase. Bringing home someone new was nerve-wracking. You rub the palm of your hands on your blue jeans.

“Uh, Listen.” You said. “I'm not trying to scare you off, but I thought we should talk a few things out. Before we hit the road.”

Namjoon moves his suitcase over on the bed and sits next to you. His pinky finger resting on top of yours. His way of saying I won't be scared off.

You rest your head on his shoulder as you talk to him.

First, you warned him about how quickly your mama falls in love a little faster than you do. She would immediately pull Namjoon into a warm welcoming hug that'll make him feel like he was home. She'll make him a big home-cooked meal with her favorite recipes that's been passed down from generation to generation.

Then you warned him about your dad. How he would check the tires on Namjoon's car and make sure the engine sounds good. You told Namjoon your dad will pour him whiskey over ice and want to hear his views about the current events of the world. Then he'll take Namjoon fishing and pretend that he doesn't like him.

Of course, you told Namjoon that if he ever broke up with you, he wouldn't be just breaking your heart but theirs too.

Then there was your little sister you really had to warn him about. How she would ask him a million questions, say anything she can to turn him red. She'll ask if he's going to marry you while she paints his nails fuchsia pink.

Then you warned him about your high school friends. They'll buy him drinks and fill him in on the crazy nights you can't outlive. And how they'll get him to play truth or dare to initiate him into the friend group.

AFTER: It was only two months later when you showed up back in your hometown, standing on the steps of your childhood home without Namjoon this time. When your mama opened the front door, the first thing you did was hug her and breakdown in her arms. She knew without you even telling her. Your mama felt every heartache you've ever been through. So she understands when mangle sobs push their way up your throat into the warm air of the house. Namjoon had been the one. So you thought. There were forevers and forevers in his words, yet forever meant nothing to him.

Then there was your dad who hated seeing his little girl all broken up over some guy. He'll pour you whiskey over ice and He'll tell a lie and say Namjoon ever really liked you. But your dad could see how that boy looked at you like you were the stars shining in his world. Of course, your dad couldn't hate him, and neither could your mama.

Then there was your little sister who curled into your side, wiping your tears. While saying something like: “He really did love you, Y/n. But you know, love can scare people away sometimes, especially when they never experience true love, so they run because it feels like a lie, like all the other love they had before. Maybe that's Namjoon's reason.”

He broke their hearts more than yours.

[bubbiethesaur]

Hi! hope you're doing well<3

I was wondering if we could possibly have a sneak peek of the new chapter?

No pressure ofc! Feel free to completely ignore this ask👍

Love your writing!! Have a great day/night!!

The second I saw your ask I about exploded because I was traveling home from a trip and didn't have access to my laptop. BUT I'm home now and I would heckin' love to show a sneak peak for LRA chapter 19. (tis unedited, so please forgive any typos)

(Btw I flipping love giving sneak peaks, crumbs, answering questions, etc) Beware ch. 19 spoilers below the cut

You were home. Or close to it, at least.

A familiar dirt road lay under your feet—dusty and full of rocks and hoof prints—a path you’d driven hundreds of times and knew better than your own face. It wound like a clay-crafted snake up and away into the hills, between scrubby oak full of glistening leaves blown gold in the sunshine, pines wider than you were tall and needles longer than your hands stretching up and up into the sky. 

Your gaze lingered on the ditches lining the road and the thick forest beyond, and it took you an embarrassingly long time to realize what was missing from the picture—the fences. As far as you could see, there wasn’t an inch of scruffy white fence to be seen. Not even a bit of tangled chicken wire. Just road and wood and a rich summer blue sky so huge and blue you could almost drown in it.  

Maybe it was the dust or heat of the sun, but there was a haziness to the view. Like it was all just a painted landscape that an artist had smeared with a careless brush of the hand.

As you stared, something stuck between your ribs. It was all so familiar, so beautiful, that it hurt—like a dulled knife between your rib bones—deep and painful. Throbbing. 

Closing your eyes, you inhaled warm air full of dust, spice-tinged pine, the sweet-sourness of undergrowth—and the ache bloomed.

You’d missed this place.

A dull thump-tha-thump caught your ears, bone-dry grass rustling, and your heart skipped. But your shoulders relaxed as a familiar tan and white dappled mare tromping out from under the cool shade of a tree. You popped over the ditch lining the road at once.

“Hi there, Daisy,” you muttered softly. Hot breath puffed over your palms, grassy and thick with heat. She snuffled loudly into your hand, gumming at your skin. “Sorry, old girl. I don’t have any treats on me.”

She snorted and shook her head, faded blonde man flickering like strands of wheat in the sun.

You stroked a hand down her neck, patches of tan and marshmallow white. She felt so warm, big doe-eyes peering at you beneath long lashes.

Sighing, you buried your hand in her thick mane, careful not to pull as coarse strands slipped between your fingers. The sensation didn’t ground you as much as you would have liked. You felt so alone, the bitter taste of dirt and iron dripping between your teeth. 

A branch snapped behind you, the crisp crackle of sun-dried grass—like a tiny bird’s bones crunching underfoot. You froze, your pulse thumping in your ears as the sounds grew nearer—too light for a small animal, too loud for Sun or Moon—

“Hey, squirt.”

You stopped breathing.

[winterisawriter]

⋅•⋅⋅•first love,

late spring⋅•⋅⋅•

Geto Suguru x fem!reader.

Suguru loves Y/n.

Y/n loves Suguru.

But sometimes even love can’t be enough.

•

|this is my first time writing so sorry if it’s suck or for the grammar errors|

•

♡ — ♡ — ♡ — ♡ — ♡ — ♡ — ♡ — ♡ — ♡

“Sometimes i wish i have never met you.So that i wouldn’t have become who I’m about to be.”

Suguru often thought about the first time he had met Y/n.He did a lot recently,just to compare it to where they were now.And the more he thought about it,the more he asked himself: “How did we end up like this?”

For Suguru there was always been – and I repeat always been something about Y/n that attracted the attention of everyone who wandered around her.Maybe it was the delicate color of her pure skin,her big,Witchery beautiful eyes that shimmered with naivety in the sunlight.Or maybe even for her soft lips,god,Y/n peach-colored lips:the cracked lower lip from the cold and all the kisses she hadn't given yet, scented with butter-cocoa and vanilla ice cream.He always wanted to kiss her lips,it was even impossible not to stop and look at them for a while.

Y/n was a flower,a freshly brushed daisy with a simple form but with an almost hypnotic power, everyone wanted to play “she loves me,she loves me not”at least once with her and with her constantly changing little body.Y/n was a daisy that overflowed with pollen,pollen that Suguru,just like a bee,wanted to collect and carry straight into his heart full of love.

But he wasn’t a bee.

She was a flower and like every beautiful flower,to grown and be loved,she needed the warm rays of the sun.

Suguru wasn’t the sun,he wasn’t even the moon.He was just a little,nameless start among other billions.Something much smaller,nothing special,nothing much.Just a little star that was watching her from afar.

The first time that he saw her he was only ten years old and it was a Tuesday,it late in the afternoon and the spring had just started.The warmth of the rays of the sun,the delicate smell of the blooming flowers and the colors of its petals,framed that moment perfectly like it was a portrait.

At the time he didn’t knew her name yet,so in his mind he just called her the “stranger with a sweet smile”because her smile was the first thing that he had noticed in her.

She seemed to be around his age,maybe a year younger.Suguru saw her stop in the busy streets of Tokyo just to be able to admire the first cherry blossoms of the year.

Her hair was moving to the rhythm of the spring breeze,her fingers ran between them in an attempt to tame them,as a sweet smile creeped into her chapped lips.He saw her reach with her hands to the old purple camera dangling from her neck,retracting them almost instantly to enjoy the blossoming of the shoots with just the help of your gentle eyes.

She was out of place in the frenzy of a city always on the move.

A pink salopette with cherries on it,a white t-shirt with the print of a cartoon character,butterflies clips in her hair,pink striped socks and red sandals with little backpack shaped as a heart.

Rosy cheeks,big round eyes,the bare skin of her arms covered in drawing of flowers and animals with different colors,bitten nails painted in yellow.

For Suguru she seemed like a breath of fresh air in a world of skyscrapers,people running everywhere and smog.He could tell she had never seen the city,but grew up on the country side,as her head was spinning to take a look around.

As he was holding his mother hand,Suguru begged the red of the traffic light to last longer, just to be able to admire her from afar for a few more moments.

But she didn't wait to be looked at further. The little girl moved her gaze to the ground,as her mother placed a gentle hand on her shoulder,jumping over a crack in the concrete, and she walked in the opposite direction to his.

Will she ever come back?Will she go back down that road again,sooner or later?

He need to know.

He would like to enjoy her smile once again.

Suguru had thought about her that night,from the little house of his family in the hills he could see the whole city. Although reduced to a confused cluster of purple lights and full of its skyscrapers blurred by the rain breaking on the glass of an empty room,he could do nothing but think of her,where she was,what she was doing.

Was she listening,like him,to the pleasant sound of rain in a desperate attempt to fall asleep?

Ah,what a pathetic cheesy boy he became.

She would say that if only she could read his thoughts,wouldn't she?No she wouldn’t,he didn’t even knew her but she seemed to gentle,to kind.From the way he saw her smile,the way the her eyes shined she wouldn’t say something like that even though she would’ve thought that.

But he didn’t care,at half past ten,after his mother had tucked him in bed,he had found himself alone,in his room,wondering what she did to his head.How did she managed to get into him so deep with a smile that wasn't even aimed at him?Why does he still hope to have a chance to see her again?

His family had always been religious,he was used to go and visit the temple out of the city and to be grateful before every meal.His parents had educated him in that way,but now he really thought that there was a god somewhere that really listened to his prayers.

Suguru saw her again the next day,he had just came out of school and was helping his mother with the groceries.He saw her,the “stranger with the sweet smile” coming out of the convenience store on the other side of the sidewalk that he was using to go home,in the company of a plastic bag in her hands maybe too heavy for her.She was wearing an adorable long floral dress down to her knees,her unmissable smile and the same backpack.

She made him think that she was heading towards the park for a picnic by the river:the four-thirty Sun that timidly caresses her skin among the fronds the centuries-old trees,her eyes that close to better listen to the chirping of the birds returned to nest,her mother playing with her hair while she admired the flowers.

He didn't even have time to take courage,join her and offer to help her carry the shopping bag that her mother greeted someone inside the store with the hand and started to walk away with her.Just as she appeared,she disappeared along one of the many streets that intersect the main one,leaving him only between faces that have nothing to tell.

Suguru had finally and officially met her a week later.It was Monday,lunchtime and he was sitting peacefully by himself in the elementary school yard.

He had thought about her that morning,as he walked down the streets along side his mother to go to school.He had looked for her at every bus stop,behind the windows of every bar,hoping to see her have breakfast with a croissant in one hand and orange juice in the other,among the dull eyes of those who walked on the sidewalks,under the cherry tree to which he had not paid enough attention before the week before.

She wasn’t there,but her presence was still vivid in the air.

He never realized how beautiful it could be to watch the flowers bloom until she showed him how to do it through her eyes full of curiosity.

He would like to learn from her.

Observing something seemingly obvious comes back to arousing a happiness.Being able to smile just by watching something grow.Without even knowing him,she taught him that beauty really seems to reside in the little things,that no matter how imposing everything around them was and under everyone's gaze, nothing will be a better spectacle than life that blooms next to us in silence,hidden from the eyes of the most distracted.

Then he saw her again,in her pale blue school uniform,her hair tied in a pony tail with a green scrunchie and the same butterfly clips.She was on her knees by the flowerbeds,her hands were moving fast on a white paper that she had ripped out from her notebook.She was drawing he could tell,seeing all the scattered crayons.

The sun was up in the sky and the chilly wind was swooshing between the trees,as Suguru was reading his book about the starts and the planets,a paper flew directly in his face.

Confused he was looking at the drawings on it,different types of flowers in every color.For being made by the hand of a little girl,they indeed were beautiful.

"I-I’m sorry!”her voice was gentle,almost as she was afraid to let it out.

Now that she was close to him he could feel it,the strange sensation that was making his stomach churn,his palm sweaty and his inside mushy.She had like a sort of aura,something mystical,an enchantress and temptress that was drawing him to her every second of the day.

As he got up he watched her run towards him,her little Barbie shoes light up with every step she took towards him.

"Did you made these?”he asked,handing her the paper.

She smelled like roses and vanilla,now that she was closer he could see her scraped knees and the sponge-bob patches on them,the lip gloss ring that she had probably found in a bag of cheeps but especially her gentle smile.She was a year younger than him,as he suspected,as he read her class on her uniform.

“Yes.”she murmured softly,her cheeks were red and her eyes shied away from his dark ones.

“They are very beautiful.”he complimented her“I liked the daisy.”he said again with a sincere tone.

The little girl was holding the paper to her chest like she was embarrassed that someone had seen her drawings “That’s not a daisy,it’s a marigold”she had told him.

Suguru scratched the back of his head,he liked to hear the sound of her voice,he didn’t care what she was talking about as long as she kept talking to him “There’s a difference?”he asked confused.

Before she could tell him the bell rang and everyone,including her,were running back inside the school.

Suguru hadn’t seen her till Thursday,till it had stopped raining and the teachers had let the kids out to play again.He have wondered several times what her name might be.The real one,the one that her parents call her to wake her in the morning,the one that her friends use to get her attention,the one with that she used to introduce herself to someone new while making a short bow of respect.

During these two days of rain,he had tried to look for her in the school halls,in the empty classrooms and even in the parking lot.But she seemed to have disappeared,just like she was a vivid dream of a creation of his imagination.

Maybe it's because he associate her with the same tree where he saw her for the first time,maybe it's because I can't get her rosy cheeks out of his head,or maybe because he was nothing but a poor deluded:it's been two days since he saw her and,although he knew well that the chances of seeing her again were high he couldn’t help but feel sad.

The next day everything changed,the sun was up in the sky,the birds were chirping loudly.He came to a conclusion sooner that he expected.That day Suguru walked towards her,she was still sitting under the cherry tree,two braids hanging on her shoulders with the watermelon hair ties shining under the light,but this time instead of crayons and papers she had a book in her lap.

“Astronomy for beginners.”the title said.

Suguru couldn’t help but smile as a strange tingling feeling was growing inside his stomach,a foreign warmth crawling from his neck to his ear where he could hear his heart beating fast.

“Hi”he said gently to not startle her.

“Hi.”she parroted with a shy wave of the hand.

“Would you like some of my lunch?My mom gave me too much rice.”he asked politely as he gestured to his bento,it was an excuse to talk to her again.

“Oh”she looked around,lifting her teddy bear backpack before looking at him again “But i don’t have anything to give you back.”she sounded apologetic,as she held the empty paper of her onigiri.

“It’s alright,i wouldn’t be able to eat much anyway.”he reassured her,sitting next to her on the grass.

They stayed quiet for a few minutes,enjoying the cooked rice,shoulder to shoulder under the branches of the cherry tree.

“What are you reading?”Suguru then asked,peaking over small figure.

“I’m reading about the constellation of Andromoida,but I can’t understand much.”she murmured,she felt awkward to tell him that since she saw him with a book about the stars she wanted to learn more about them.

“You mean Andromeda?”he corrected her gently with a giggle.

“Y-Yes that!”she exclaimed blushing.

He nodded “I can teach you if you want,I know a lot about the stars.”he stated proud of himself.

She looked at him with vide,bright eyes “Really?”she asked happily.

He nodded “Only if you teach me the difference between a daisy and a marigold.”

She smiled,warmer that any sun “Deal.”

“My name is Suguru.”he then said,holding out his hand for her to shake “What’s yours?”

And with that answer nothing had sounded more beautiful that the name coming from her lips “I’m Y/n.”

“Y/n”he repeated immediately,tasting every letter on his tongue.Has any name ever been so beautiful?Has his name ever been more beautiful than when he heard her saying it for the first time?

From that day on,Suguru and Y/n had spent every minute together. Counting the days would be useless.They lived within four walls,under a cypress and on the chairs of a café.They held tight in each other's arms, deeply,like two best friends,like two lovers.

They grew up together,they shared memories and secrets,pet animals,gifts and holidays.Suguru had dried the tears on Y/n face when her cat died,holding her into his arms.She had took him with her at the greenhouse and he took her with him at observatory.They were together during school and in the evenings after that.

Everything was going on perfectly,he was happy for the very first time.They shared their first kiss when she was thirteen and he was fourteen,it was awkward as they bumped into each other noses two times,but it was special.Under the pillow fort in her living room,with only the pale light of the flashlight and the storm outside the window.

“Did you know that human emit a certain amount of light?”he asked with a soft voice.

Y/n had been sad that day,crying in his arms as he tried to calm her down.That was the anniversary of her father death,she didn’t remembered much about him since she was just a small child when it happened,but still,inside her heart,she was hurting.

“What?”she mumbled,her eyes were a little red,her cheeks wet as she was holding her teddy bear to her chest.

Suguru nodded,holding the flashing “In a thousand years you could look back through a telescope and see us still moving.”he told her,shifting closer to her.

Y/n brows furrowed “You really suck at comforting people.”she laughed a bit.

“Maybe,but now you are smiling and you know something new.”he giggled with her.

“People don’t emit light,you are just messing with me.”Y/n shook her head,the smile still on her face.

“Yes,they do.”Suguru insisted “We see starts that died thousands of years ago.The starts,in turn,see us.The past and the present that it’s already past,will always be happening.We can die but somewhere,in some place,we are light still living and we always will be.”he explained,his voice was soft and beautiful just like every time that he spoke about something that he loved.

They were closer than before,their knees touching,their breath fanning on each other cheeks “I like this story.”Y/n murmured,her eyes lost in his.

“Yeah?”he said and he saw her nod “You can take it,it’s yours.”he murmured too.

“I’m going to write a book about it and you know how I’m going to call it?.”she said jokingly.

“How?”the storm outside was increasing,but he didn’t care because he could only focus on her lips and hear her heartbeat.

“The boy who sucked at comforting people”she said in a make-up voice and moving her hands theatrically.

Then he hit her with a pillow and they played and laughed like this for at least five minutes.The pillow fort crumbled above their heads,blankets everywhere as she was on her back while he was standing in front of her holding himself up with his elbows.

“You are glowing.”Y/n whispered.

The flashlight scattered on the pavement was pointing directly at them with it yellow light and she could outline every little and magnificent detail of his beautiful face.Oh,how much he had grown from the little kid she had met.He was becoming a man and he was so handsome with his dark eyes and long hair.

“So are you.”he responded,one of his hands were caressing her hair lovingly.

Suguru never felt like this before for no one,she had bewitched him,body and soul.Everything in him belonged to her in the exact moment he had first seen her on that spring day.He loved her so purely,he grew another heart to try to fit all the love but it still overflow from his eyes whenever he looked at her.

She smiled again,her face was red but she felt calm,at peace.Suguru always had this kind of magic on her,to make her feel safe and protected “So the starts already saw me kissing you?”she even felt bold as she lowered her gaze on his rosy lips.

His heart was beating fast in his ears “Yes and they will see it forever.”he whispered before closing his eyes and the distance between them.

Everything was perfect,Y/n was his girlfriend,he had a best friend that loved him dearly and he was one of the strongest around.So when it all started to go wrong?When did it end all the enjoyment?When did he started to feel sick?

His mind didn’t have pity for him,it kept remembering and remembering.What had happened with Riko,the aching sound of the clapping in his head,the way his best friend looked at him,his girlfriend crying in his arms.The grief,the things that he lost,the people he knew got his surrounded and he felt like he was drowning.

There comes a time when in order to bloom you have to imperceptibly approach the act of dying.So,at the age of seventeen,for Suguru there had been the indissoluble impulse to end it.He would have allowed himself one last attempt.Reduce physical pain with a hint of honey on the nose.

His honey was his Y/n that always liked to kiss him on the nose for good morning,he never care about how bad the things could’ve been because he knew he had her on his side.To have her kissing him and said that it was incredible to have met someone special as much as him.

Till he had almost lost her.Another mission went wrong,her beautiful face was scarred and he understood that there was nothing special in him,not if he couldn’t protect her.He was just like everyone else,just a little star that you can’t notice.

The sense of vomiting started to come after he had eaten,when he thought too much.He didn’t feel like looking at her lively eyes that supported and he didn’t wanted to feel her warm hands caressing his skin.

It didn’t felt the same anymore.What was he doing?Who was he doing all of this for?

He’s met with the same answer: “For Y/n”

Suguru and Y/n love each other,and that could even be said by those who have never really known love.

They love each other on common days, when the biggest commitment they have to complete by the end of the day is to clean the dirty cups of the breakfast,and in the special ones,when Suguru is willing to take his girlfriend to the end of the world in order to remind her that if he was crazy in love it was her fault.

There was nothing more that Suguru loved than having her hold on to him even on the hottest evenings in August and in the empty afternoons spent watching the and sunset,while her skin reflects the sun's rays.Be close to her on the sad Sundays of September and December, while they listen to one of the songs that she likes so much lying on the couch and while his hands wander under her purple sweater.

Feeding each other McDonalds fries and drinking from the same straw,while on television they send a replica of a Spielberg movie that neither of them likes but that"It's a cult Suguru,you can't despise it.It’s the law".

Taking a hundred polaroids in every place they decide to go even by chance,just because they were bored and she couldn’t stay at home for too long.Listening to the same song for whole days without getting tired,then abandoning it later because they wanted to discover something new to fall in love with.Claim that dramas are things from fifteen-year-olds or thirty-year-olds sad and lonely women,but ending up not missing even an episode because to see her curl her nose annoyed by his:

“Look Y/n,that’s you.”while he compare her to those half ineet of the protagonists he like so much.

Waiting for her for more than an hour on the stairs of the school while she finish her class and he got out from his early,just to wait for her.Then going in his dorm room and kiss her everywhere,her neck and feet,her hands, land whisper to her ear that she is beautiful, beautiful,even in the darkness of the night and in the early hours of the day.Getting up at four in the morning and leaving the school in secret because she had one of her strange cravings like wanting to drink a hot cappuccino with cream,and he can't resist satisfying her every whim.Start a TV series and never finish it,start another one and finish it on the same day.

Reading one of the books Suguru had bought in her mother library and being interrupted because Y/n was a little slut and no one has aver striped down herself naked in front of his eyes like she did.Skipping classes at school because he didn’t know how to be with her in that place but only out of this world,and then he wakes her up,buy the first train tickets to her hometown and he takes her away with him.

Going to art exhibitions,to the aquarium or to the observatory and having her stomach burning because he keep whispering dirty things in her ear,not being at the center of her attention,and end up in a bathroom the size of a box touching each other breathlessly.

Going out with Satoru,Shoko,Nanami and Haibara and competing for who can drink and kiss more people in the club and never be jealous because Suguru had only ever kissed her.But then hearing Y/n screams and yells because one girl wrote her number on his arm with a black marker,putting next to it a little heart.

Even now,when everything inside him was burning him alive,Y/n managed to be the water to calm him down.Taking him to the bathroom under the jet of water when his panic attacks start,and whisper to his ear that everything is fine,that nothing will never happen as long as he was with her.

“I wish i could go back to the time you first told me your name.Others time i wish i had never met you.”he didn’t even realized that he let that thought slip out his mouth.

When everything was easier,when none of them were in that fucked up sorcerer system but just kids in love.Where he could keep her safe from thunderstorms and spiders,giving her kisses that tasted like strawberries as they laid under the sun.

Other times he wished he had never met her,that he didn’t saw her that day in spring.Loving her wasn’t worth the idea of losing her,how terrible it was to love something that death could touch so easily.If he didn’t had her maybe he would’ve stayed the same,it’s was crazy the power that she had on him.He felt guilty,like an asshole to care about the rest of the world only because she was walking on it.

Instead he was there,stuck.How many more people had to die before his eyes,how many before it will be Y/n turn?

Y/n was on the verge of falling asleep,her ears perked up slightly at his mumble“It’s late Suguru,you should try to sleep.”hearing her voice whispering in his ear during the night made his stomach churn.

It was late,almost three in the morning as he could read on the clock on his night table,and even though his body was aching his mind didn’t let him sleep.He worried a lot,he always did as a child and kept doing it even as a teenager.

“Will the flowers in the garden grow?”

“Will the river flow in the right direction?”

“Was i right?Was i wrong?Will i be forgiven?Will i do the right thing?”

All the questions that clouded his thoughts started to strangle him.

“You didn’t eat much tonight.”Y/n kept talking softly in his ear,caressing his long dark hair,holding thigh on him “Do you want to go and grab you something?”she asked,trying to not sound to worried.

Suguru opened his eyes,only the little blue light of his clock illuminated the room,but he could make out the girl that was laying next to him.He had memorized him in the years that they had spent together,her beautiful eyes,her cute nose,her rosy lips.Her hair were messy on his pillow and smelled like his shampoo,she was wearing one of his shirt,a pair of panties and fuzzy pink socks.

She was worried,he could feel it and see it whenever he turned around to look at her and it was killing him.

He looked at the scar on her face,her slightly wrinkled and slightly pinker skin stood out like a blue gecko on a white wall.It started on the bridge of her nose,crawling down her left cheek in a perfect diagonal till under her jaw.Suguru shifted his gaze a little further to the left and lingered on the little mole on her nose,the one the he liked to kiss was now erased by the monstrosity that happened because of him.

He wasn’t the only one looking,even when his eyes were closed and he pretended to be asleep he could feel her intese gaze on him.Y/n would’ve stay awake just to observe him,the boy that once she knew better than anyone was disappearing under her eyes and she couldn’t do anything to stop him to drift away.

She observed how the bones of his pelvis were so protruding that they could also be seen from his jeans and every time she accidentally touched him in bed she was afraid he would break,he was so thin!His warm breath always tasted like cigarettes and mint tea in the morning,of cigarettes and coffe in the evenings and of cigarettes in the nights.When did he started smoking?When did che stopped eating?Did he slept enough?No.

He didn't sleep at all and when he turned on his side and saw her,as she gave up and dreamed who knows what,her hair disheveled and her lips slightly detached he felt that nauseous sensation again.

What a cliché.What a stupid routine.

Every night they slept together and every night he was forced to look at the skin of her face and the skin of her side that came out of the of his shirts that she was wearing,every night he was forced to have to feel her breathe,to feel her on him.His hands,God his hands trembled like leaves on a winter day to stop himself to reach over a touch her face,her hair,her lips.

He couldn’t bring himself to be around her just as much as before,to touch her,let alone to make love to her like he did almost every night.So he had let her take the lead.He had watched her adjust her hair and fix her makeup to look pretty for him,cooking him his favorite dishes and buying him flowers.

Red peonies.It was red peonies that she had left next to his bed that morning.Love,passion,honor and respect all the things that felt foreign to him.Y/n had chosen the bright red because every time she came to visit him it was too white.White were the walls,white was his skin,thin as hosts,and white was the ghost he was becoming.White were his pale and worn-out lips,waterless water lilies that can only dry out. White were the edges of the bed,rough sheets that she held crying and crumpled like fragile paper under the grip of her fingers.

She went to many flower shops,before she had found them of this color.The soles of her converse are worn on the sides.She have shunched her feet so much these days.Maybe she’ll have to throw them,maybe she’ll wait for holes to form where they press their heels.But she didn’t care,not if she could do something to make him happy again.

“I’m alright.”he lied with a faint smile,he closed his eyes again not baring the sight of the scar on her face.

He felt her shift closer to him,like she wanted to become one with him and for a moment he wished that she could do it.He wished that she could crawl inside his body,find where he is most ruined and love him there.

“I saw you talking with Yuki today,”she started slowly “you seemed a little shaken up.Are you sure that you are alright?”she asked again.

Suguru felt his heart clench,the emptiness that took his breath away was becoming bigger and after that afternoon there was no coming back for him.It’s wasn’t Yuki fault,he would never blame her for what she was talking to him about,unaware of the monster she was creating.

But everything that had happened to him and to the people around had contributed to bring him where he was now.Small variations in the initial condition produce large variations in the long-term behavior of a system.

On balance,then,a single action can inevitably determine the future.It is the very principle of the universe:every action,every single movement,corresponds to a reaction;every failure corresponds to another.

Every interaction he had with a human being during his existence inevitably changes that life that,with a word or a gesture,he have touched. Sometimes following his heart,doing something that makes him or others happy,as on that occasion,creating a series of chain events that would follow one another until their own destruction.

But,as they had ignored,guided by the craving to complete their mission,you only know what happens in your life,not in that of others.And when you damage a part of someone's life,you don't only damage that part.Unfortunately you can't be precise and selective.When you damage a part of someone's life,you are damaging their whole life.

Everything influences everything.

“Yes,i’m fine.”he turned to his side,his eyes still closed.

Y/n was quick to follow him,wrapping her arm around his waist,her face in his hair “Alright i believe you.”she hummed “Do you want me to come with you tomorrow?”she asked again,tracing invisible shapes on the cold skin of his chest.

Tomorrow that would’ve been another mission for him,in a small village not far away from the school.

He fell still,swearing that if she made another sound he would’ve put his head through the wall “There is no need.”he said in a flat tone.

“But- ”she tried to protest.

“Now go to sleep,it’s late.”and with that she fell asleep,holding him close to her while he was slowly drifting away from her for the last time.

“Good night,i love you.”she kissed his back,snuggling close to him to try to keep him warm.

‘Please’ Suguru thought ‘hurry and leave me.Don’t say that you love me’

“Good night.”he replied with a sour taste on his tongue.

The next morning Suguru had woken up before her,he spent the first lights of the morning just looking at her,the nauseous feeling was suffocating him to the point where he had to get up and open a window.It was the end of spring again,just like the first time he had saw Y/n for the first time.He often find himself thinking about that day,in the busy streets of the city,just to compare it to where they were now.

When he had first introduced her to Satoru and Shoko he had told them that one day he was going to marry her.The light that she emitted,was everything he wasn’t and everything he needed,he knew it since the first time he had laid his eyes on her.

Y/n was a flower and she needed the sun.Suguru wasn’t the sun,he was just a star,too little and too far away.

He kissed her hair,then her forehead,her lips for the last time before disappearing.

“I’ll see in you in two days?”she mumbled still sleepy and with her eyes closed,enjoying the feeling of his lips on her skin.

Suguru swallowed “Yes.”

“I love you,be careful.”she said to him,kissing his cheek.

“I will.”

Two days after the world came crushing down on her,suddenly there was only pain everywhere in her heart and soul.Spring brings cherry blossoms but winter seemed to reign.

She couldn’t and did not wanted to believe the words that came out from Yaga sensei mouth.The filled report,the way Satoru was screaming beside her when she became as still as ice.It couldn’t be true,Suguru couldn’t be capable of what they were accusing him.He could never kill innocent people.But didn’t he came back like he promised her?Did something really happened?

“Come back here.”Y/n didn’t even have the courage to say these words out loud.And yet, they come out of her lips without realizing it.

“Suguru is not there”Satoru warns her. Suddenly her world goes back to being gray,devoid of color,devoid of shades.

He was supposed to be back by now,after two days that he went on a mission alone,he needed to be back.

Once Satoru left,murmuring something about Yaga sensei,Y/n crossed the threshold of Suguru room with the heart in her throat,the accelerated beat covering her thoughts,the wheezing... But it's empty.He is not there.The ground begins to sag under her feet as the world around her becomes silent.It doesn't make sense.

“It doesn't make any sense” she keep repeating to herself.

His room looks so perfect,so tidy,there's not a single thing out of place... except their two chairs.They are placed next to each other in a corner of the room,almost as if they felt the need to to be close.Y/n was confused.And Suguru never leaves anything to chance:every object in his room makes sense and she couldn’t ignore those two chairs.

She had spent every night in his room,she had spent years with him and in his last few months where he was acting strange she could feel that he was trying to tell her something but didn’t knew how.

Y/n found the courage to take a few steps towards his chair,bare,placed in an almost unusual position:it was always in front of the window,about the center of the room where they could watch the clouds or the rain together.Then she moved her gaze to her chair. Nothing different,nothing unusual.What the hell did he want to tell her?What does all this mean?

“What happened to you Suguru? What do you need me to understand?”she mumbled to herself,looking around for answers.

Her eyes lingered to his desk and then she saw it.The red peonis that she had bought him were not in the right place.Usually she would’ve place them next to the window so that they could feel the sun,but right now the vase was on his desk.In the last months Y/n was the one that took care of his room,cleaning it and keeping it in order,so it was definitely Suguru who moved the vase.

Y/n moved the vase,from behind it,a letter and a sheet of paper stuck between the wall and the porcelain slips to the floor... she doesn’t think twice before grabbing the paper to read what's written on it.Casually shuffled,she opened it.

There is no doubt that it is Suguru’s.Y/n let her gaze dwell on every letter,which composes the words,giving her time to get to the point and feel her body stiffen so much that the paper slips out of her hands.

“You have everything it takes to keep shining so don't shut yourself down.I want to keep looking at you from afar.”

“It's not possible...”her broken,silent voice rumbled in the empty room.

Her mind retraces the last days they spent together,his words,his looks,his impassive certainty.The way he was disappearing more deeply.Was he leaving her?Was he breaking up with her through a stupid letter?Did he really killed innocent people?

Y/n gathered the forces she had left and drag herself out of the school.She ignored anyone who tried to stop her or talk to her,this time she would do her own thing and follow her instincts, letting it take her to Suguru,as it has always been.

A busy city.Yellow shutters in the suburbs,the engine bursting and Shoko that was still calling her to the phone.On Tuesday the observatory of the city was free for the visitors,the sign of the building seems so new to her right now,yet she’s been there so many times that two hands wouldn't be enough to count them.

She took a deep breath in front of the billboard with the name of the protagonist of this month's exhibition:today,on one of the last days of spring,there would’ve be an exhibition about the constellation of Andromeda.

The building looks deserted... is it possible that there is someone inside?After that,Y/n moved the first steps towards what was their beginning,what brought them up to this moment.

She felt lost as she roamed in the big empty halls,the bright imagines of stars,planets and other constellations made her eyes burn or maybe it was just the urge to cry.

“Did you know that in Greek mythology,Athena had put Andromeda among the starts after her death to make her immortal?”his voice came in like a hurricane,as he spoke she shattered.

Y/n turned around and finally saw him after two long days.Suguru was there,a few centimeters from her but he was kilometers away.He was wearing a black hoodie that seemed to big for him,black pants and his dark hair were free on his shoulders,only some of them where tied back in a bun.

He was so beautiful that the stars could cry for him.

She remained silent,her mouth slightly open and the words stuck in her mouth,her eyes were lucid and her throat was burning.

“You didn’t know?”he was so calm and casual about the whole situation that made her want to scream.

“Tell me it’s not true.”her voice came out shaking “Tell me you didn’t do it,please.”

Suguru looked at her,her hair were messy,her lips quivering and the light that once belonged in her eyes had disappeared.It hurt him to seen her in that state,he was the cause of it,he knew it and he hated at the same time.

“Perseus had saved her from a sea monster and then he fell in love with her.After their death they became immortal in the stars.”he continued as if he didn’t heard her.

Y/n hands were hitching in her gloves,she wanted nothing more but to run to him and hold him,kiss him and telling him that everything was going to be fine.

“We hadn’t been talking for months and now you are telling me about some myths?”the urge to cry was becoming bigger with each word.

One morning,in the past year,they woke up next to each other and suddenly the didn’t spoke the same language anymore.They hadn’t been talking ever since,only short and empty conversations that lead nowhere,until now.

“Suguru,what’s wrong?Please,talk to me”she pleaded,still refusing to believe the truth.

His hands were in his pockets,his eyes empty and he didn’t moved an inch “If this was to be the last time you are going to see me,what would you say?”his own heart was breaking,she could hear it through his cold demeanor that this was hurting him as much as it was hurting her.

“I’ll wait for you.”Y/n immediately let out,her eyes widened.

Suguru shook his head “No,i can’t let you do that.”not after all that he have done.

“You don’t get to make that choice for me.”she stubbornly replied,raising her voice.

“I’d say that thank you and that i love you.”he breathed out,now she could see a small crack in the armor that he had been wearing in the last year.

“Please don’t do this.”she was crying now,her leges were trembling as she walked towards him.

His hands were stained in blood,but she didn’t care,she let him hold her anyway “I’ll always love you.”he murmured in her hair.

“Why are you doing this?”the reality of him leaving her came down crushing her body,knocking the breath out of her.

“Because i can’t save you!”in front of her now she could feel him,the boy that she feel in love with all those years ago finally came back to the light “I can’t make you immortal,not in a world like this!”all the suppressed emotions cracked his cold facade and she felt like something was dying inside of her.

“Suguru- ”she tried to calm him down,as he let go of her.

“I can’t lose you,Y/n.I won’t survive it.”he looked the most vulnerable and human she had ever seen him.

Wiping the tears away from her eyes,her vision still blurred,with heavy breath “So you decide to just walk away?Write me a letter and disappear?”she asked.

“I’m doing what’s the best for you.”he tried to make her understand,it wasn’t easy for him either to give up on the life that he had dreamed to have with her.

“By killing people?”she screamed in disbelief.

“By making the world a better place for you.”he said slightly irritated “Don’t you understand?I want you to live a full happy life,not having to recognize your body on the obituary table!”he continued.

“It’s you what’s best for me!”she sobbed out.

Suguru eyes became watery,he had to restrain himself to just pick her up and go hide somewhere with her where nobody could hurt them “I’m not anymore.”she needed a sun not just a star.

It was a direct stab to her heart,but what hurt her the most was knowing that she didn’t do enough to help the state he was in.“How long have you been feeling like this?”she asked.

He didn’t even needed to think about it “I couldn’t sleep at night because i knew it was over between us from quite some time.”he answered,swallowing each word.

Suguru had thought about how everything started now that he was ending it.He could still remember the sweetest of their first kiss,when time slowed down and he couldn’t hear a single sound.He had no idea of what was happening around him,he was just glad that finally a piece of happiness had found him.The first time that he made her smile felt like the warmest of the sun had made his way inside him for a while.

Then the light inside him slowly died.He went from starting his morning with the ache to see her,to wake up from nightmares,the memories of her skin still clinging to his like it’s was the last time that he got to feel her.He had to do something,to change something before she became another ghost that hunted him in his sleep.

After that decision everything felt so strange to him,so distant and she didn’t deserved it.

“Please”her whole body trembled as she tried to reach out to him “come back with me.We’ll explain everything that happened and leave everything else behind while we still can.”she pleaded him.

“And live there rest of our lives on the run?”he asked shaking his head “I don’t want that for you.I-"

“This is not about what you want!”she interrupted him “You said that you are doing this for me right?Than stay with me!That’s all i ever wanted!”she confessed,wiping the tears from her mouth.

“I don’t want to be with you!”with each syllable a layer of her heart was peeled off “Not if i know that someday,because of those people out there,you will die trying to protect them.”this was suppose to made her feel better but it just pained her more.

“That’s our duty,it’s what you believe in.”she tried to make him remember“We help people that can’t stand up by themselves!”she felt a sense of dizziness,like she was stuck in a nightmare and she couldn’t wake up.

He stayed quiet for a moment,his skin crawling down his face to reveal the new identity that had taken the place of the sweet boy she fell in love with “And who help us uh?”together with that question a hole took place inside her chest.

Y/n felt like the rope that tied them together was cut as she was slowly falling,this time without him to save her “What?”it came out from her mouth with a sour whisper.

Suguru clenched his fist “Who help us,Y/n?”he asked again.

“I-I…I don’t-”her tongue felt heavy and she felt so stupid for never thinking about it before.

“You don’t know right?”a dry chuckle rumbled in his chest “We are just kids,whose gonna help us while we are helping the others?No one”his jaw was tense and his eyes had a fire that she never saw before.

“And you know what the best part is?”he retorted,with a fake smile on his lips “That they don’t even know that we are here,dying to protect them.”

He scared her.But she was more afraid of herself,of what she could’ve done for him and to be with him as the words he said started to make sense in her head.After everything that happened,when will it all stop?How many needed to die?How many Riko and Haibara there needed to be before they realized what that system was doing to them?To save people that were creating the problem in the first place and didn’t even thanked them?It was time to break the wheel that was slowly moving towards them,before it was too late.

“What is your plan then?Killing everything that comes across you,till we are the only one left?”as she came back to her senses,holding herself up with a hand against the wall.

“Yes.”so simple,so plain “I want to build a society only for sorcerers”without a inch of emotions.

She should’ve been worried,start screaming,running away or maybe even trying to kill him.The love of her life just confessed that he was about to commit a genocide,all for her.Maybe she was the real problem,maybe she was the sick one as she begged him to stay once again instead of find a way to stop him.

“I-I can change if that’s what you need!I will become stronger so that you don’t need to do all that!”Y/n exclaimed immediately.

“Y/n..”even her name felt foreign on his tongue.

“Then make me come with you!”she tried again,anything to stay with him.

“And make you do things you don’t believe in?”he said arching a eyebrow “We aren’t like this”

“But we love each other!Isn’t this enough?”she place a hand on her own chest,trying to shield what remained of her heart from his next words.

“No,love is not going to keep you alive!”Suguru insisted.

“So you don’t love me?”Y/n voice echoed through the emptiness of her soul.

“I love you,Y/n,but i don’t like you anymore.”he simply stated,his voice cold and distant.

“What?”was this a sick joke?

First he tells her that he wanted to make the world a better place for her and then that he didn’t liked her?

“Don’t you understand?I can’t even look at you,i can’t bring myself to touch you or to breathe around you!I can’t be with you without reminding myself how miserable and powerless i’am.”Suguru felt his chest burning,his lungs were about to give up on him just like his legs.

Y/n stood there like a statue,afraid that if she made a single movement she would break into pieces.All this time she had ignored the way he would avoid her eyes,her soft caress,all the times he didn’t said “I love you” back or initiated a hug or a kiss.

“That’s not true.”she lied to herself,out loud for him to hear.

“Y/n,please don’t make this harder.”it was hurting him too,like it did in the past months.

“I’m not!We are great together,that’s what you told me and to everyone else.You told me i’m your greatest love.”she protested.

“I was wrong.You are my greatest failure and I’m sorry for let it happen.”his eyes darted to the scar on her face.

“Suguru you don’t mean that.”she shook her head forcefully “Something bad had happened to you and I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you.But I will now.”she continued,trying to convince both of them.

“You want to help me?”he asked,his dry lips and pale face shined under the neon lights.

“Yes!”Y/n said immediately.

He nodded,his dark eyes were glassy for a second “Then you have to let me go.You need to let me let you go.”

Even when they were little,a small part of him knew that he would had never be enough for someone as magnetic and beautiful as her.It was him that wasn’t worthy and he dragged her along with him,suddenly her loving arms,her sweet smile weren’t worthy anymore when he looked at the bigger picture.Why would he stop there?Why couldn’t he create the perfect world?It was really for her or for the guilt he felt anytime he looked at her face knowing that he wasn’t able to protect her?

“What?No!”Y/n yelled in disbelief “We love each other,we can go through this together!”it started to became harder and harder to breathe.

“Love didn’t do any good to us and it’s time that you realize it.”Suguru seemed made of ice as he spoke “You need to let this love go.”

“It’s that’s what you want?Get over me?Make me hate you so that you can move on with you plan?”Y/n wasn’t crying anymore,she had finished all her tears and a sensation of numbness took place in her bones.

It would’ve been easier,leaving without saying goodbye,having her hating him so much that she couldn’t breathe.The light inside Y/n was the most precious thing for him guard,he couldn’t let the world suffocate it.

“I just want you to see you shine.”Suguru slowly said,like he was reading to her one of his astronomy books.

“By leaving me and saying the we aren’t meant to be?”she scoffed“Is this worth it?Losing everything worth more than being alone and becoming a mass murderer?”she emit with such a discomfort,tired.

“It worth more than say that i want this life.To be with you and pretending that everything is perfect around us when it’s not.”he took a step back,placing his hands in his pocket.

Y/n felt like vomiting again,nodding her head,her heart reduces to ashes “You want to do this for me but my love for you is not worthy for you to stay?”

Suguru didn’t answered immediately.“For Y/n”his mind kept repeating inside his head, “Even if she will hate you,you are doing this for her.For Y/n.”

All for her.

“All I know is that love is supposed to make you feel stronger,but whenever i’m with you i feel like a week little boy again.Sometimes i wish i have never met you”he admitted for the first time,she had poisoned him with her love,making him believe that he was incredible,something special when in reality he wasn’t“.So that i wouldn’t have become who I’m about to be.”

If he took a step closer he could’ve seen the way his words were emptying her chest “So it is my fault?Is that what are trying to say?"she whispered with a choke.

He didn’t knew how to answer that.

“It is mine!I was trying to protect you,I was trying to keep you safe.It was like I had this one job.I had a job and I was doing it wrong.I ruined everything and that's why I'm sorry.But i guess that’s what I do:i disappointment the people that I love the most”

That was what he wish he had told her,but instead he stayed quiet.The anger,the guilt was burning him alive,not making him see the true reality of things.But how could he live with that?Knowing that she was out there in a fucked up world and he wasn’t doing nothing to change it?That he was too weak to keep her safe?

There was a moment of silence,they just stood there,in between and under the starts that he loved so much to tell her about.

An hour,a minute,a second.Every moment of their lives together seems to be punctuated by ticks slipping out of their hands in a few moments.The only thing she could do to hold them back and feel them for a few more moments on her skin was to try to cling to the present,living it.

“I’m sorry.”she admitted “I’m sorry if i had ruined you with my love.”a soft kiss on her forehead as she closed her eyes to savor that moment.

“I’m sorry that our love wasn’t enough.”he whispered,disappearing forever.

His goodbye felt like waking up from a dream,like knowing that from that day on nothing would’ve been the same.They would’ve been forever carved in the universe,the stars would be able to look back down on the earth and still see them,holding and loving each other even after their deaths.

Suguru loves Y/n.

Y/n loves Suguru.

But the story still ends this way.

That story destroyed her.Their story,although in the end she could have considered it only her own,at least in the last year.Y/n didn’t knew exactly when he stopped fighting.Maybe he had put a point scared by the idea that she could do it first,that she could confess that she didn't want him anymore after all that had happened.Frightened by the thought that they could become the shadow of their regrets.She didn't know when and if he stopped loving her,seeing himself in her future,considering her the only one for him.

It could have gone differently,Y/n said to herself years later.But no.Because she knew it well how they were:stubborn and clumsy,too serious,too hasty,proud as hell.When did he decided that he wasn't worth it anymore?It would have been enough for her to see him angry,to see him disappear,to feel him like ice.But no.With immense calm he decided that he was no longer for her and she,so resigned and afflicted,tried to stop him and felt like she had never known him.

What should have she told him?She didn’t know.She felt like she didn't know him.And then she believed that she had stopped believing in it.He always told her that his strength was her.It's not that she didn't trust them,but she trusted him more.His hands in hers,his splendid words,the dreams he built around her to protect her from everyone.

He protected her from him too,so he told her.As if she could ever want anything else.As if when she think of love she don't think of him.As if she could ever hate him.But when did he had decided to leave?Or rather,when did he had decided that he wouldn't come back?Because she went on but in every gesture she keep looking for him,waiting for him.She think of him every morning,but also in the morning and every hour in the middle.She always think of him,she always think of his perfume,his looks. To all the empties it had left her of him.

So many things have changed since he’s not there,but she know that if he came back she wouldn't explain them to him:they're not worth anything because he wasn’t there.And since Suguru was gone,Y/n was wherever he was.

[tangledbea]

I was originally just going to ask just about new dream, but I'm curious as to what love language all the gang has based on their personalities!

Eh, I haven't answered this one in a while (though I have definitely answered it before).

First, I'm going to preface this by saying that I don't think that most people have only one love language. And I don't just mean how they perceive love and how they show love. I mean, in general, most people have more than one.

Rapunzel: Rapunzel spent her entire life with Gothel, who regularly put her down, denied her hugs and comfort, left her all alone (or so she thought) in the Tower, and acted like everything she did for her was a big fucking deal. The only thing Gothel did was bring her things: paint, fabric, seeds to grow flowers, wax for making candles, a guitar...

Therefore, Rapunzel feels loved when people spend time with her. She's extremely touchy-feely and loves hugs and holding Eugene's hand or his arm, giving and receiving kisses, even platonically. When people do things for her, she's over the moon, and she will bend over backwards to do things for those she loves. But she seems the least impressed with receiving gifts, and when she does like it, she attributes it to acts of service more than gift-giving. However, she gives gifts as her first line of trying to get on someone's good side. (Look at how she tried to win over Monty, and how she tried to make Cassandra "feel better" on the Day of Hearts.)

Eugene: Eugene grew up with nothing and (as of the movie) no one. He fashioned himself a persona that didn't need anyone, but he was lying to himself.

Eugene thrives on quality time, which is why he's constantly planning dates for him and Rapunzel. He loves gifts, because he loves being pampered and spoiled. He's actually really big on physical affection, even though he tried to deny that he was. He needs words of affirmation, to be reassured that he's handsome, smart, brave, good. The one he's least keen on is acts of service, because he's so used to taking care of himself (not that he rejects acts of service). However, he gives acts of service so readily. He's self-sacrificial for those he loves.

Lance: Lance grew up in the same situation as Eugene, but took from it a much different mentality.

Lance wants stuff. Gifts are his favorite. But he's also big on acts of service (asking Eugene to help him go rob the Baron retrieve a treasure). He's extremely physically affectionate, quick to throw his arm around the shoulders of those he cares about, or hug and pick up his girls. The fact that Adira doesn't like to be touched is a massive roadblock for him (as well as her just not being interested, lbr). He enjoys doing things with people, but is also fine doing things alone, and he doesn't seem to thrive on words of affirmation. Lance is extremely honest about who he is, and doesn't fall for words of flattery, no matter how sincere.

Varian: As a social outcast, semi-estranged from his dad (at least at the beginning), this kid is all about the words of affirmation. He wants to be told that people are proud of him, that he's doing well in their eyes. He also really enjoys quality time, being together for the sake of being together (his excitement over a road trip with his dad, helping Quirin with the pumpkins and having Quirin help him with his invention in the epilogue). He shows love through acts of service, and asks favors of people (then gets really mad when they don't respect him and screws with his stuff, causing problems - acts of anti-service, if you will). He doesn't seem hugely physically affectionate, and doesn't come across as needing gifts to show love.

Cassandra: Cassandra blatantly isn't impressed with gifts, doesn't really like to be hugged, and isn't fond of being around people. Of everyone in the group, she's the easiest to slim down to one love language, both giving and receiving: acts of service. She defines herself by her service, and gets upset when people won't do things for her in return (take her side in a fight, for example). To a lesser degree, she'll take words of affirmation, if they're done sincerely. (Her believing you mean it is another story.)

However, Cassandra is pretty good at giving love languages that speak to the person she's giving them to. for example, despite not really being into hugs, she hugs Rapunzel when she needs it.

[harryshairclippy]

I just realized there is absolutely no way I would be able to make an end of the year fic rec because it would just be tooooo long. I'm splitting things up for the first half of the year!!

I'll Fly Away - @juliusschmidt - 122K

Harry and Louis grew up together in Lake County, Harry with his mom and stepdad in a tiny cottage on Edward’s Lake and Louis in his family’s farmhouse a few minutes down the road. But after high school, Louis stuck around and Harry did not; Harry went to Chicago where he found a boyfriend and couple of college degrees. Six years later, Harry ends up back in Edwardsville for the summer and he and Louis fall into old patterns and discover new ones.

ft. One Direction, the local boyband; Horan’s Bar and Grill; families, most especially children and babies; Officer Liam Payne; many local festivals and fireworks displays; and Anne Cox, PFLAG President.

I Don't Wanna Face The Music - @hereforh - 95K

Louis likes to think he's a pretty normal, typical lad. He likes spending nights at the pub with his mates, he loves football and is very close to his family. So when he moves to London for uni, he doesn’t think much will be different.

Until he makes these new friends who are nothing like his mates back home and change his life for the better - and this one boy who messes with his head from the get go and makes him question everything he has ever thought about himself.

Stranger Stars - @sunshineandhisrainbows - 212K

Five years ago, Africa offered a grieving Louis Tomlinson an escape from an England he couldn't tolerate. Now it's become home as he leads overland tours across the continent with his best friend and driver Zayn Malik. What's meant to be just another ordinary six-week trip from Cape Town to Nairobi turns into anything but, when future lawyer/current photographer and songwriter Harry Styles and his friends join Louis' latest set of passengers.

Mine Would Be You - @crinkle-eyed-boo - 114K

Louis blinks his eyes open, his eyelids fluttering as the room swims around him. He takes several gulps of beer once he confirms that he’s definitely not hallucinating, that the very first portrait Harry Styles ever painted of him is hanging on that wall.

Louis stares at the wall, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest as he realizes that there’s not just one painting of him, there’s five, the portraits lined up like they’re some sort of storyboard depicting the rise and fall of his deepest love. His greatest heartache. A pain that cut him so deep that he left the fucking country, severing all ties with his life in New York, now suddenly surrounding him as if he’d never left.

Fucking shit motherfucker fuck.

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn't intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

Perfect Storm - @cherrystreet - 80K

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

Golden - @sunshineandhisrainbows - 128K

Harry is fully dressed when Louis returns to the room. He’s slumped on the edge of the bed, fingers twining awkwardly around the edge of his pink flounces. “Can I come?” he blurts when Louis opens the bathroom door. Louis freezes. “What?” “North. With you,” Harry clarifies. “If you’re going north, could I come too?”

On a rainy night in Auckland in the middle of his world tour, popstar Harry Styles loses his ability to carry on. Instead of continuing to Sydney and the rest of his tour, he seeks sanctuary with Louis Tomlinson, a man with a macadamia nut farm and a mysterious past.

Sun Means The Sky'll Be Blue - @moonhusbands - 91K

As the only singleton under thirty attending his cousin's five-day wedding, Harry is desperate to find a date, or at least a reason to get people's questions about his love life off his back. So when Louis, Harry's old uni roommate and fellow wedding attendee waltzes back into his life, Harry seizes the opportunity, pretending Louis is his ex-boyfriend and that it's a sore subject not to be mentioned.

If it's a little bit closer to the truth than Harry would like, well, he's a master at living in denial.

So cue a mess of trudged-up feelings, past misunderstandings, a rekindled summer romance and a whole lot of sexually-charged bickering.

Being of the Jealous Kind - @louisandtheaquarian - 24K

A-list actor Louis Tomlinson and his partner fashion photographer Harry Styles weather the storm that is Louis’ fake relationship with his costar in the lead up to this year’s Academy Awards.

Featuring a fluffy teenage meet-cute, an angsty wine drunk Harry melting down over pap pics, Louis habitually overusing the word “baby,” and cameos by a vintage Umbro sweatshirt, the peace ring, and one hell of a Larry hug.

Or the justice for To Be So Lonely fic. Based on the lyrics to TBSL and a prompt where “Louis has to fake date some celebrity, while his boyfriend Harry sits at home.”

Late Night Talking - @kingsofeverything - 53K

Louis Tomlinson has a new album coming out and a second world tour on the horizon. Promo season gets underway with a stop at Late Night Talking, the late night show hosted by Harry Styles, and Harry Styles just happens to be the man who blew a chance to date Louis a decade ago.

With A Little Kindness - @jacaranda-bloom - 33K

The man lays his hand on Harry’s forearm and Harry looks up as the stranger leans in. “I just wanted to say,” he whispers. “Can I cover your bill? I’m a big believer in paying it forward and I can see you’re struggling. It’s none of my business, of course, but I’d really like to help.”

OR the one where Harry is a struggling single parent who doesn’t have time for relationships and Louis is a generous stranger who is unlucky in love, until fate decides to step in and bring them together.

Loved By Your Mother - @gaymoustache - 31K

Harry stretches out like Venus with her lover, growing sleepy in the late afternoon light with a baby growing inside her. Perhaps not literally, not physically. Not exactly.

or

Harry struggles to come to terms with wanting to have children, and what that means for their relationship. Canon compliant, set a few years into the future.

you taught me how to love (i taught you how to stop) - @thedevilinmybrain - 50K

"I was always better at hand to hand than you," Harry growls, even as he leans his weight into the blade. It's small, sharp, has a handle of gold roses.

"I don't know about that." Louis moves his arm forward, makes the presence of the barrel of the gun fit snugly to Harry's hip. "I think we just play differently."

"You going to shoot me?" Harry asks, those wild eyes tracking over Louis' face. "Do it."

"I think I've put enough scars on you," Louis answers, means it about the stretch marks still lining the sides of Harry's stomach, but it lands a little too raw. There are other scars on Harry's body that Louis blames himself for, scars inside too.

your memory over me - @shimmeringevil - 64K

Three years have passed since Louis last saw him, but all it took was a few minutes in Harry’s presence for him to be relegated to the desperate twenty-one year old that was practically begging his boyfriend for an ounce of reassurance that he still cared about him.

Harry shouldn’t be here. He’s brought too many unresolved feelings with him, that Louis thought he’d never have to face.

It’s Harry’s apparent apathy that’s the most difficult to come to terms with. Anger, he could handle. Regret, he would welcome. But Harry’s amiability, and carefree demeanor can only be born from indifference.

He’s moved on. He doesn’t care. And that is something Louis doesn’t think he’ll ever be strong enough to face.

-

OR - The worst heartbreak of Louis’ life walks right back into it when his parents invite their family friends on an all-expenses-paid trip for their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Facing a past that he tried to bury long ago, Louis learns that some people have a way of sticking with you even when they’re gone.

knock knock, i love you - @beautlouis - 86K

“Well,” Louis says, searching for something to relieve this tension. “I think if a bloke gets kicked out of his stats exam for a knock knock joke, he deserves to hear the punchline, yeah?”

“Oh!” Harry says, beaming. “I forgot where we left off, what was it again?” He looks overjoyed to be exchanging a shit joke.

“Ah, you said knock knock, then I said who’s there, and then you said Noah,” Louis supplies helpfully. He hates that he's actually curious about the rest of the joke. “So, Noah who?”

“Oh,” says Harry, in a much different tone, dragging out the syllable. He looks bashful now. Louis cannot keep up with this boy, it's going to kill him. “Right, well.” He shuffles his feet. Fuck, what kind of knock knock joke gets a boy nervous? “Noah a good place we could get something to eat?”

[Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.]

i'm a captain on a jealous sea - @thedevilinmybrain - 15K

It’s not that Louis doesn’t like Nick. He is, if he’s being honest, kind of indifferent. Louis gets that Nick is just doing his job most of the time, being loud and prying, not having boundaries. But it’s just a little too much for Louis’ taste. Louis, who has learned over the years, when to be loud and when to know that coy is the game. But, it doesn’t matter really. He’s not required to like everyone, doesn’t have to make nice with them outside of having a camera shoved in his face. He can let Nick be Nick and it shouldn’t affect Louis at all.

Except.

What Louis actually has a problem with is the way Nick Grimshaw looks at Harry.

One More Time Again - orphan_account - 232K

Harry looks down to where Louis is cradling his hand between his own. Louis' hands are slender, the bones delicate, the nails bitten short. The 2-8 on the backs of his fingers is gone, but the faded scar from a skateboarding mishap in Year 7 is still there.

Harry's hand is awkward, knobby-boned and naked, no rings, no tattoos. It's too big for his wrist and his wrist too big for his arm. Yet it still somehow fits in Louis' in the painfully perfect way it always did.

He blinks back the sting in his eyes.

On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right.

A canon-compliant fix-it fic (sort of).

Darling, so it goes - @disgruntledkittenface - 195K

Harry Styles is a world-famous actor at the height of his career but a personal low point when he meets His Serene Highness Prince Louis of Monaco by chance. He doesn’t think they’ll ever see each other again, but after striking up a correspondence, it turns out they have more in common than he thought. Then they start to fall for each other. Louis is different from anyone Harry has dated before and their relationship moves fast as Harry realizes he’s ready for a change. Soon Harry finds himself adapting to an entirely new life, in a country where he doesn’t know the rules, the customs, even the language. Harry is used to people underestimating him, and he’s more determined than ever to prove them wrong.

He just needs Louis to meet him halfway.

Grace Kelly AU.

Sweetest Devotion - @brightgolden - 61K

After his divorce, all Harry wants in life is to provide a stable, loving environment for his three-year-old daughter, Evie.

Never in his wildest dreams has he ever considered that life might come with the presence of his teenage crush — Gemma’s friend from secondary school, Louis Tomlinson.

Luckily, Harry isn’t still pining over him.

Or so he thought.

Went Down In Flames - @itsnotreal - 26K

Louis was in an absolutely shit storm. He had let it go on for too long. Let it go too far. But he had a plan. And tonight, said plan was going down. He was going to tell the boys he was proposing this weekend. ‘Harry’ would turn him down, albeit gently, and Louis would play the heartbroken boyfriend. He’d gotten this far. All he had to do was lock himself in his bedroom and cry a little. He’d been in a few plays growing up. Piece of cake.

Except. It didn’t go that way. Of course, it didn’t. Because the universe, the beautiful chaotic bitch that she was, just had to have an actual Harry Styles and he just had to be Niall’s best friend.

[fallingrealms16]

Sterek Fic Recs PART4 <3

I realise not many people see these fic lists that i make but those that see them and read them i appreciate you, MUAH <3

(also the majority of these are by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas) because their work is just so good i couldnt help but read all their works)

I Was A Teenage Werewolf by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)

456K Words // Chapters: 50/50 // Hits: 199K // COMPLETED

//Explicit//

Stiles just knows he's going to get lost in the woods. There must be a Laura Palmer reference in there somewhere. A fork in the road retelling of Teen Wolf where Stiles is the one to get bitten.

2. Pretty Melody by thepsychicclam

30K Words // Chapters: 1/1 // Hits: 80K // COMPLETED

//Explicit//

Stiles hasn't seen Derek in six years, so when he shows up at the bar where Stiles works, claiming to be some indie rock star, Stiles can't believe it. Stiles has even more trouble believing that he and Derek are about to have a one night stand. Soon one night turns into two and three, and seeing Derek causes old wounds to open for Stiles. As Stiles reconnects with Derek, he finds himself painting things he's been avoiding, and he thinks maybe he'll finally start to heal.

3. Beastly Lover by M4nEat3r

18K Words // Chapters: 19/? // Hits: 31K // UNCOMPLETED

//Explicit//

Stiles signs up for a werewolf dating site and meets someone, but who he ends up with isn't who he expected.

4. All The Better To Smell You With by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)

9K Words // Chapters: 4/4 // Hits: 11K // COMPLETED

//Explicit//

A post-break-up Stiles finds himself standing on the front step of the rebuilt Hale house. He needs a place to stay and Derek has always accepted him as a member of his pack and one of his best friends. The only problem is, now that Stiles is seeing clearly, he's suddenly realised that maybe he never got over the pesky crush he had on a certain sourwolf and being in the same space is just going to make things awkward. Or is it?

5. Four Day Drive by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)

5K Words // Chapters: 1/1 // Hits: 5K // COMPLETED

//Explicit//

What happened between Stiles going to arrest Derek and when they arrive in Beacon Hills. This fic posits a previous sexual relationship between Derek and Stiles while Stiles is still underage hence the tag.

6. A Teenage Love Song by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas)

155K Words // Chapters: 26/26 // Hits: 73K // COMPLETED

//Explicit//

Stiles is sick and tired of how much he fucks up. His dad is disappointed, his step-mom judges and his step-brother can do no wrong. It's not that he doesn't love them, he just gets so tired of being different. Now he's being moved lock, stock and barrel to Beacon Hills aka the town his mom grew up in so they can go live in his grandma's house and his father can get him back on the straight and narrow. It's going to suck.

7. Permanent Fixture by linksofmemories_archive

80K Words // Chapters: 4/4 // Hits: 434K // COMPLETED

//Explicit//

Derek is Scott's older brother. Stiles is Scott's best friend. Derek is falling in love with Stiles. This is a bit of a problem.

[atombonniebaby]

I've had this idea in my head for a while now...

We all know how much Mac hates getting wet so how would he react when faced with the prospect of a "new" New Year's tradition introduced by his Scottish boss?

The original plan was screenshots, but I had to do a write up!...so maybe today I'll get some proper visuals...but for now I hope you enjoy this silly one shot! (And if anyone wants to do some drawings...I'd love to see some of this hilarity brought to life 🫶)

just so we're clear...Deacon's swimsuit depicted below is 100% what I Invision them all wearing variations off...because...why not? 🤣 (Oh...but not Hancock and Danse...you'll see!)

Happy New Year Tumblr Buddies! Slainte Mhath!❤️

Here's to new Wasteland Traditions

"You can't be serious..." MacCready searched the boss' face. Shit-eating grin aside, there was not a single sign of a lie.

"I'm tellin' ye lad... every year without fail... rain or shine." Nate sat down on the couch beside his young companion. "Sometimes even snow." He added after a brief pause.

"So you're telling me you dressed up and—”

"Dressing up was optional... traditionally ye just shed to yer kegs and run right in."

"Run into water?"

"Cauld, sobering, icy waters."

"I guess you Scots really are crazy," MacCready chuckled to himself, "or you're full of Brahmin crap."

"Oi," Nate elbowed him. "It's real. On the day o' the new year, we'd head tae the shore, and strip to our undergarments and bolt intae the sea. 'Tis invigoratin', got the blood pumpin' in a way nothing else did. I dinnae even reckon bein' chased by a Deathclaw could get me heart goin' as fast as that did."

MacCready laughed at the mention of the oversized lizard. "Running from a deathclaw is different. You know you'll die if you lose, running into the ocean is just stupid."

"Hypothermia is nae joke, lad... and it didnae need to be an ocean... could be a river... ye know... like that one that runs aroon' Sanctuary..."

There was something in the way the Scot was talking that made MacCready nervous. That sparkle in his eye was never a good sign. "Not on your life!”

Nate's grin only grew wider. "Oh c'mon! Ye'd be the only one bein' a wee rad-chicken! Preston, Sturges, Codsworth, the settlers around Sanctuary…and even Dugmeat all want tae do it."

"Right... and Dogmeat told you that how, exactly? Did he write it out on the dirt using a stick?"

Nate gave a belly laugh at that. "Gave me a paw."

"You are full of it." MacCready shook his head. "No way in hell am I doing this."

"No even for five hundred caps?”

"Five hundr--" MacCready choked on his words.

"Counted them maself... put them in a nice big jar ...but there is a catch... last man standin' ...or lady... gets it!"

MacCready groaned. This was stupid, beyond stupid, but the caps..."Fine."

"Attaboy!”

Sanctuary Hills Annual Loony Dook.

MacCready stared at the painted ply board sign as if it was personally insulting him. Perhaps it was. If it hadn't existed, he wouldn't have been standing out in the rain.

He glanced at the plastic blue pins of Rad-X piled up in the little shed next to the sign, blankets too. Nate was prepared for everything.

MacCready's laugh was almost incredulous. "Is that why you've been hoarding all the supplies!? Because you were planning this stupid event!?"

Nate laughed in response. "Notice that did ye?"

MacCready sighed. "How can I not notice!?"

"I hardly want folks getting sick from radiation poisoning while they're havin' fun. Now, c'mon, come help me welcome our guests," Nate elbowed him in the ribs before gesturing to the rest of Sanctuary.

"Fine!”

"Let's get the show on the road," Nate smiled, marching off toward the gates where the majority of the settlers were gathered.

"Hey, Blue!” Piper called out to them as they approached.

"Ah, monsieur! It is quite the spectacle you are throwing here today," Curie said as the two came to a stop. "I must say, I am rather excited to try this 'dooken' as you call it. The effects of immersion in such cold temperatures will be most fascinating!"

"Ye'll love it, lass," Nate replied.

"Where the Frick did you get bathing suits?" MacCready asked her, noticing the bright pink ruffled one piece she was wearing.

"As it turns out," Piper began. "Curie has a remarkable sewing ability...she even made something for you..."

"You made me something...?"

MacCready would have blushed if it weren't for how cold he was, the likelihood of any color filling his cheeks was slim to none–even with all his layers!

Curie nodded enthusiastically. "Wi, Monsieur Nate provided me with a list of attendees!"

He did what?

"Here you go!" She handed him a bundle of striped green and white fabric.

"Thanks... I think." MacCready looked at it skeptically. It was a one-piece suit of sorts. Not unlike what the girl was wearing, but with longer legs.

"Deacon's is blue and white, Preston also, but different shades! They look most handsome!"

"Why thank you, ma'am," Deacon appeared behind the doctor. "I think you look very dashing yourself."

"Merci!"

He looked ridiculous, a similarly striped suit to the one in MacCready’s hands, he guessed the red cape was his own addition.

"This IS most invigorating," followed another voice, this time belonging to a smiling tin can.

"Danse...lad..." Nate paused. "Do ye no think that's cheatin', son?"

The ex-Brotherhood Paladin just shrugged. "On the contrary, General. Without the appropriate protective clothing, my Power Armor provides no protection from the elements."

"Without protective—are you telling me you're in your birthday suit under there!?" MacCready blurted out.

Danse simply nodded. "Affirmative."

"General, your friend from Concord has arrived...and he brought company," Preston joined the fold, Minutemen blue in his bathing suit, and still wearing his hat.

"Jacob is here!?" Nate sounded more excited than he intended.

The group glanced at each other.

"Who's Jacob?" Piper asked after him.

Nate just waved her off.

"Does our good General have a secret to share?" A gravelly voice asked from behind them.

"John," MacCready turned to face the ghoul and he couldn't help it. His eyes dropped lower.

What the actual fuck!? Could that even be considered clothes? Red leather Speedo, cowboy boots and his signature hat...that was all he was wearing.

"My eyes are up here, kid," Hancock grinned as the younger man realized what he was doing.

"Wha--I wasn't—"

"You were," Hancock's smile turned into a smirk.

"Well ain't this quite the gatherin' and you thought people would pass up the opportunity for tradition!" Another accent entered their midst.

"I'm only here for the caps...got my eye on a new mod for my rifle," another familiar face pushed through the throng of bodies.

"Aiden's here too?" MacCready muttered under his breath. The ex-minuteman Gunner hunter didn't seem to know where to look as he came to a stop.

"Gotta say, Slick, you got a lotta people who care about ya," Jake leaned against the wooden railings of the bridge.

"Well, ain't you a handsome one!"

MacCready's smile widened. Cait!?

"Uh...thanks..." Aiden mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I uh...I'm just gonna..."

"Don't take it personally, darlin'," Jake smiled. "Aiden's not much for conversation."

"Who else are we expecting, Monsieur?” Curie asked.

"Nick's around, he's keepin' Dugmeat busy so folks can get ready and I do believe Strong is off huntin' fer our supper," Nate answered.

"Splendid! Would your boyfriend like a costume, Monsieur?”

"Boyfriend!? I—"

Nate cleared his throat.

"Thank ya, darlin'," Jake smiled at the doctor. "Much appreciated."

"Hey, Sharpshooter!"

MacCready froze. No...fuck no...he didn't hear that. He refused to turn around and look.

"Mac?"

No.

"MacCready!"

"Beau..." the mercenary reluctantly turned.

Fuck! Sturges was wearing one of those swimsuits too, and the size of him. It was...indecent.

"Howdy," Sturges tipped his head and smiled.

MacCready was dead, dying, or just having some incredibly vivid hallucination. No way. Just fucking no.

"What's wrong?"

"I'd harbor a guess our Merc here is wondering how you can fix his plumbing," Hancock chimed in.

"I—"

"Think he's wondering if your equipment is up to the task," Deacon added.

"That is most absurd," Curie commented. "Sturges is a mechanic, not a plumber."

"A certified handyman," Piper giggled.

"Shut the fu—uh heck up!"

Hancock snorted.

"That's enough...quit teasin' the poor lad." Jake stepped in to defend him.

"Yeah, lay off the kid." Nick Valentine decided to join them, standing by Nate's side, no swimsuit for him...it was almost like he was programmed to wear nothing but his detective gear. "You know how sensitive he is."

MacCready felt like he was about to spontaneously combust.

"I'm gonna go change before I get the urge to shoot someone." MacCready stormed off.

"Someone's touchy," Cait noted.

"More like he can't handle the heat," Hancock countered.

"You should probably change as well," Nick suggested to the newcomer. Knew the fella from all the times he stopped by that information broker who had taken up residence in Diamond City. "The Ron"? Or something like that.

"Right you are, Mister Valentine," Jake agreed. "I will be right back."

"So polite! Monsieur Jacob makes a most agreeable guest," Curie smiled.

"I know, right! He's a peach." Piper grinned. "Got yourself a good one there, Blue."

"No foolin' you lot, is there?” Nate just laughed. "C'mon, we might as well get a move on. It's comin' up to noon soon."

MacCready stood in front of the bathroom mirror. It took him a few minutes to figure out how to put the damned thing on. It was too tight in some places, yet hung awkwardly from his body.

At least his hat matched, because it was staying on.

A knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts.

"You got lost in there?” Jake's voice carried through the wooden door.

"Just give me a second!"

"Alrighty..."

A few deep breaths, and MacCready was good to go.

"Not a word...not a single freaking word!"

Jake held his hands up and took a step back. "Wouldn't dream of it."

MacCready stomped past the engineer and back towards the group.

"Christ, and I thought I was pasty... lookin' at ye, it's like a white sheet slapped 'er a skeleton."

MacCready glared daggers at the smug looking bastard and wished he had his rifle. How is this bastard not shivering? MacCready could barely keep himself from trembling, and he's standing there, barefoot with no shirt on. Only thing he has on is a pair of red plaid trunks and his glasses.

"Har har... can we get this over with already?"

Nate grinned from ear to ear. "Ye sound like ye don't wanna do this."

"Oh? What gave it away?" MacCready crossed his arms across his chest, the cool air and heavy rainfall chilling his skin.

"All the shivering, mate," Nate gestured to him. "Ye need to move...maybe jog on the spot...keep the blood pumpin'...else ye won't make it tae the end."

MacCready growled at him. "Can you stop patronizing me and just start the damn thing already!?”

Nate looked around the group, taking stock of each person involved. There was a gathering now, a relatively small crowd, but the amount of people willing to participate was surprising.

"Sir..."

Nate near on jumped out of his skin. "Where the blasted hell did you come from!?"

X6-88 lowered his sunglasses and blinked at him. "I arrived via relay at 1200 hours, sir. I was ensuring the young sir was adequately prepared for the festivities."

"Dad?” Shaun emerged from behind the courser.

"Shaun?" Nate was utterly confused. "What are you doing here?"

"Father heard you were hosting an event and thought I should attend," Shaun smiled.

The sight of him. Pajamas, Welly boots and a rain hat, standing beside X6-88 in his ...everything black bathing suit. MacCready's sides ached. He was laughing, unable to control the burst of hysteria that bubbled within him.

"Escaped synths will be shaking in their boots," MacCready managed to wheeze out.

"I believe Ms Curie has made an adequate fit for me... sir," X6-88 said in reply.

It was the boots, the damned combat boots! MacCready laughed louder.

"I do not believe you are in a position to be mocking me, Sir. If my calculations are correct, you have a higher chance of being affected by hypothermia due to your lack of body fat and muscle mass. Perhaps you should reconsider abstaining from the use of cigarettes and alcohol, it would improve your health immeasurably."

MacCready stopped laughing. "Did you just..."

"I believe the term is 'kicking while he's down,' sir."

"A'right...enough eh that." Nate stepped in.

If MacCready didn't know better, he'd have thought the courser was smirking at him from beneath those glasses.

"First things first," Nate opened the shed. "Take a couple rad-x tabs each...Codsworth is gonnae countdown from ten and ring the bell...when he does, ye run in. Simple as that. The last person out wins the prize. We've got fires burning, food grilling and booze on tap...so enjoy yerselves, aye?"

MacCready pulled his cap lower over his brow. This was going to suck.

"Let the games begin," Hancock shouted.

"Okay!" Nate announced. "Everyone in their positions. Codsworth, get ready to count us down, son!"

"As you wish Master Nate!" The Mr. Handy spun in place.

MacCready rolled his shoulders, trying to get the stiffness out of them. He could do this. He had to win. Five hundred caps were on the line.

The merc watched the crowd gather around the water's edge, everyone ready to make a break for it as soon as the robot started counting.

"Are we ready to commence the New Year's celebrations, sir?"

"Aye Codsworth." Nate smiled.

"Very good, sir. I shall begin the countdown now…Ten!"

This was it.

"Nine!"

MacCready bent his knees, ready to sprint.

"Eight!"

A quick glance left and right, and he noticed all the other competitors were doing the same.

"Seven!"

His eyes locked with Nate's, and the bastard winked at him.

"Six!"

Was he planning something?

"Five!"

The sniper shook his head.

"Four!"

He could beat Nate. He's hardy...grew up in a cave!

"Three!"

Focus, Robert. Just focus.

"Two!"

He was doing this for Duncan.

"Happy New Year, everyone! GO!!!”

He couldn't do this.

MacCready darted in the opposite direction as the rest of them.

"Ye wee bastard!" Nate shouted after him.

Fuck you, old man! He was out of there.

"Not on ma watch, laddie," Nate's footsteps pounded after him.

Shit, shit, shit.

"Stay the heck away from me!”

"Och, quit bein' such a rad-chicken!" Nate sped up.

MacCready's heart was racing, and he wasn't sure if it was from running or the adrenaline pumping through his veins. Either way, he needed to outrun the bastard.

"Ye're slowin' down!"

"Like hell I am!" MacCready shouted back at him.

Suddenly, there were arms wrapped around him.

"Got ye! Now intae the drink we go!" Nate lifted him off the ground and over his shoulders.

MacCready struggled in vain. "Put me down!"

"Not a chance! Ye're goan in!”

The world moved in slow motion. He could see Nate's feet running over the grass and dirt as he neared the water's edge. People were cheering, and dogs were barking.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

Nate dove forward, releasing his grip on the merc, and they plunged into the icy cold waters below.

For a moment, MacCready floated through the murky depths. Then, he kicked upwards, breaking the surface of the water with a gasp.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Duncan forgive him! MacCready flailed as the frigid temperature of the water hit him. "It's freezing!"

"Aye, it's a wee bit nippy," Nate said calmly, swimming beside him. "Just breathe...in and oot."

"Breathe!?" MacCready screamed at him. "I'd rather—holy shi--"

"See, now ye're gettin' it," the older man was grinning like a madman.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"No if ye freeze...flap yer haunds aboot a bit..."

"C'mon, Mac! Dad knows what he's talking about!” Shaun called from the bankside.

"Your father is insane!" MacCready pointed at the boy.

"Our father!" Shaun smiled and gave him a double thumbs up.

What?

"Get it together, son!" Nate splashed water in his face. "Ye can do this."

MacCready growled and splashed him back. "I hate you."

Nate laughed. "C'mon...I can tell ye're getting used to it."

"I hate you so much," he swung his arms forward, moving them through the water.

"Nah, ye don't...if ye did, ye wouldn't be here now," Nate swam close to him. "It's just water...it cannae hurt ye."

MacCready glared at him. "I'm not..."

"Course not...yer the toughest son of a bitch I know..."

"Tougher than you?"

Nate's grin grew wider. "Guess we'll see."

"Bring it on, Old Man," MacCready's shivering subsided as he kept moving.

"Enough eh the "old" talk..."

"You're over 200...that's old..."

"That doesny count..."

"Says who?"

"Says me!" Nate ducked under the water, and MacCready braced himself for the inevitable.

A sudden tug on his foot, and the merc dropped beneath the surface. The shock of cold hit him once more, and he clawed his way to the top.

Nate surfaced and shook his head like a dog, somehow the glasses on his fat head still stayed on.

"Fun, ain't it?"

"How are you not frozen?" MacCready was panting now.

"Been dookin' since I was a wee lad," Nate answered. "The cauld...it's in ma blood."

MacCready cursed under his breath. "Sure, whatever you say."

Nate just laughed in response. "Another one down..."

"Huh?"

"Seems Piper's given up."

MacCready glanced around. Sure enough, the reporter was making her way back to shore.

"She's smart," the merc remarked.

"Ye did good, lass!” Nate shouted after her.

"Thanks, Blue," she waved before wrapping herself in the towel Codsworth had waiting for her.

"Woo...goddang I can't feel my digits!" Jake's voice cut through the chill in the air.

"Here's hoping your tongue is next..." Aiden drawled.

MacCready chuckled at the snide remark.

"Ma chère, this is most invigorating!" Curie was just... standing there in the water.

"That's one way of putting it," Piper pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

"I can't...I'm out...ye are all mad!” Cait finally relented.

"I have to agree with you," Preston shivered, retreating.

"As long as I outlast the Brotherhood's cheer squad...I'm a winner..." Deacon chittered next to Danse.

"My training has prepared me to withstand all manner of conditions...you should consider admitting defeat while you still can."

"Nah-uh, Tin Can," the spy retorted. "I once disguised myself as a snowman for six hours...wait till you hear where I placed the carrot..."

Danse just grunted at him.

"This is a rush!" Hancock stretched his arms above his head.

"You say that until your bits fall off," MacCready jested.

"How do you know mine haven't already?" Hancock teased him back.

"Ugh...why the hell am I here..." Aiden grumbled.

"Because Slick asked us to be...so quit your complainin'..." Jake answered.

"Ye alright, sweetheart?"

MacCready nearly swallowed a mouthful of water when he heard that. Sturges was staring right at him.

"I'm fi--fine!" he stammered.

"Yer shakin' like a leaf," the mechanic continued, sweeping back his wet hair.

"I'm just...cold...nothing I can't handle," the merc replied, trying not to stare.

"Well good luck to ya...I need a beer." Sturges swam past him, heading toward the bank.

"I'm with him on that one," Aiden followed.

MacCready gazed longingly at the shoreline. It was tempting. He could just give up now.

Nate smirked at him. "Don't ye dare..."

"I wasn't..." the merc lied.

"Sure ye weren't–”

"It appears something has entered my armor! I appear to have been compromised!" Danse's booming voice rang through the air.

"Nothin' in this water but us, big guy," Hancock called out.

"I can assure you, I am not mistaken! There is something alive inside my suit!"

The spy swam closer to him. "Maybe it's a bloatfly larvae...they like to burrow in wet organic materials..."

Danse froze. "What?"

Deacon tried not to laugh.

"I must terminate this creature immediately!" Danse was starting to panic.

"I shall accompany Monsieur Danse in his endeavor," Curie volunteered.

"I'm out...I'm not missing this! Thanks for the swim, guys." And with that, Deacon climbed out of the water.

"Fascinating...perhaps I should join them," X6-88 followed suit.

"I ain't missing this... Tapping out," Hancock was next.

And then there were three.

"How're ye feelin'?”

"Fine..." MacCready answered.

"Naw really, how are ye feelin'?" Nate asked again.

"I feel...alive," the merc admitted.

"Ye still cold?"

"Too numb to tell..."

Nate let out a belly laugh at that. "That's the spirit."

"Slick?" Jake was shivering now. "I think I'm at my limit."

"Aye...let's get ye warmed up and some scran in ye," Nate agreed.

MacCready watched them climb out of the water. Nate gathered up a blanket from Codsworth and slung it over the pair of them.

"Ye coming, lad? Or do I need tae send Strong in tae get ye?"

MacCready watched them for a moment, Nate's arm resting protectively around the engineer's waist as they walked back toward the common area.

He...he won?

"Yeah...I'm coming..."

"Well done Master MacCready! A stupendous display!” Codsworth greeted him as he clambered out of the lake.

"Thanks, Codsworth," MacCready replied.

The Mr. Handy draped the blanket over his shoulders. "Come now, you must be famished after all that excitement."

"I'm starving..."

Nate rested his head on Jacob's shoulder, fresh clothes and a warm fire and an assortment of familiar faces, it was the perfect way to spend New Years.

"I hope everyone enjoyed themselves today," he said softly.

"You know I did, Blue," Piper replied as she sipped her hot chocolate.

"Me too!" Shaun sat cross-legged on the floor with Dogmeat's head in his lap. "This place is pretty great!”

"Indeed sir," X6-88 agreed. "The festivities were quite enjoyable."

"Oh it was most enjoyable indeed, Monsieur! Perhaps we could participate in this 'dooken' again next year." Curie leaned into Cait's side.

"Ye can count me in!" Cait kissed her on the forehead.

"What are you gonna call him?” Hancock asked, his chin propped up by his hand.

"Call who?" Nate frowned.

"His Stowaway," the ghoul said, nodding to the bundle in Danse's arms.

"My desire is to call him Cutler...but I fear I may not be able to adequately tame him..."

"Cutler is a fine name for a Mirelurk," Preston reassured him.

'I think so too," Hancock agreed.

"This is fascinating. I have never observed a juvenile hatchling in this state before," Curie commented as she peered over Danse's arm. "He is so well behaved!"

"These creatures are normally quite aggressive...but this one...I find it...endearing." Danse admitted.

"I know that feeling," Hancock smirked.

MacCready shifted in Beau's embrace, stretching his legs out in front of him before settling into the comfortable warmth surrounding him.

"Happy New Year," he yawned.

"Happy New Year," Sturges echoed, pulling him closer.

An array of voices replied with similar sentiments.

It made Nate proud. Somehow in the midst of chaos, they found each other, and despite the differences they once shared, the prejudices they had held, he brought them together. He only hoped it would be enough to see them through whatever the Wastes would throw at them next.

Nate leaned over and kissed Jake on the cheek. "Welcome tae the family."

[devonpravesh]

strand!reader x tk strand x carlos reyes summary: you’re finally back on duty, but your twin brother couldn’t have picked a worse timing to break up with his partner. note: timeline and events are off, but i love an angsty and jealousy story.

The city's vibrant lights painted streaks of color across the night sky as you found yourself settling into the passenger seat of the police car. Your return to duty, after being shot and recovering on medical leave, had been anticipated with a mix of trepidation and eagerness. Next to you, Carlos gripped the steering wheel, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

An awkward silence enveloped you two, punctuated by the occasional hum of the radio. Finally, you broke the ice. "So, Carlos, how's everything been since I was out?"

Carlos's eyes flicked to you briefly before returning to the road. "Busy, as always. Can't say things slowed down much."

"That's Austin for you," you replied, attempting a small smile. "Always something happening."

"Yeah," Carlos agreed, a hint of relief in his tone that the conversation was progressing. He cautiously continued, "It's good to have you back," a touch of warmth in his tone, which you repayed with a bright smile.

After a moment, you decided to prod further. "So, who was your partner while I was out?"

Carlos shifted in his seat, his gaze averted. "Officer Lee. We managed."

The unspoken tension grew thicker, the weight of your words hanging in the air. You pressed on, your voice gentle. "Carlos, I hope you know I'm not holding anything against you because of... well, you and TK."

Carlos sighed, his features a mixture of unease and gratitude. "I appreciate that."

A silence settled between you two again, the unease palpable. You took a breath, wanting to bridge the gap. "Carlos, our partnership predates whatever happened between you and TK. You've been a trusted partner and friend. Hell, my best friend even."

Carlos looked at you, his expression softening. "Thank you. I feel the same way."

The tension eased a fraction, but there was still something unsaid between you. Carlos hesitated before asking, "Does TK ever mention me?"

You smiled faintly. "He does, sometimes. But he's been really focused on his sponsor, Cooper, lately."

"Cooper?" Carlos's brows furrowed.

"Yeah," You explained. "He's been helping TK through his recovery. Former addict, really supportive."

Carlos's jaw tightened subtly, a touch of jealousy in his eyes. "Supportive, huh?"

Just as the tension threatened to resurface, the police radio blared to life. A voice filled the car, commanding and urgent: "All units, bank robbery in progress on Fifth Street. Respond immediately."

Carlos's grip on the steering wheel tightened as he hit the siren, the car surging forward.

As you raced through the city streets, your differences and personal histories seemed to fade into the backdrop of urgency.

But the lingering unease couldn't be ignored, and Carlos couldn't help himself from asking another question. "How much time do TK and Cooper spend together?"

You glanced at him, your brow furrowing slightly. "A lot, I guess. They attend meetings together, have dinners... and sometimes TK has phone calls with Cooper at, like, 3 a.m."

Carlos's expression darkened further, the jealousy now undeniable. The tension in the car was palpable, your personal lives intertwined with the city's pulse.

As the car sped through the streets of Austin, your professional bond took center stage, overshadowing the complexities of your emotions.

--- You lay on your bed, your tired eyes fixed on the glow of your phone screen. The quiet of the night was interrupted only by the distant sounds of the city outside. This was a familiar moment of solace for you, a chance to unwind after your shift.

"You awake?" a voice asked from the doorway.

Distracted, you assumed it was Mateo, who often raided your snack drawer. Without looking up, you responded, "Yeah, sure, grab whatever you want."

The figure hesitated for a moment before speaking again, and this time, you caught the shift in tone. "Can I... just lay down next to you for a bit?"

Recognition dawned in your eyes as you saw your twin brother standing in the doorway. "TK!" you exclaimed, your face lighting up as you quickly sat up. "Sorry, I thought you were Mateo."

TK grinned, stepping into the room. "You're always too focused on that phone of yours."

"You caught me," You admitted, patting the space beside you on the bed. "Come on, join me."

TK eagerly slipped onto the bed beside you, the old mattress dipping under his weight. He let out a contented sigh. "Feels like old times, doesn't it? Remember when we used to hide out in each other's rooms when mom and dad were fighting?"

You smiled, a hint of nostalgia in your eyes. "Yeah, those were simpler days."

You settled in side by side, the familiar comfort of each other's presence enveloping you.

TK turned to you with a curious glint in his eyes. "So, how was it being back on duty with Carlos? Working together again after all that time?"

Your eyebrows lifted, surprised by the directness of the question. You considered your response before answering, "Honestly, it was better than I expected. Carlos and I have put, uhm, your history behind us, and it felt good to be back in the field."

TK's eyes gleamed mischievously. "Was there any drama? Did he ask about me?"

You chuckled, nodding. "Actually, he did ask about you. And, well, I might have mentioned Cooper."

This time, TK's eyebrows lifted, surprised by the mention of his sponsor. "Cooper, huh? Why'd you mention him?

"Honestly? Just to get a reaction out of him," You bit your lip as you looked at TK, not sure how he was going to react.

He slowly nodded and choose his words carefully. " And? Did he react?"

You laughed softly. "Yeah, and get this, he got very jealous, to be honest."

TK's excitement was hard to hide, but he attempted to keep a nonchalant demeanor. "Really? That's interesting."

Rolling your eyes playfully, you leaned closer. "TK, stop playing games. If you still have feelings for Carlos, don't dance around it."

TK's expression turned thoughtful. "You think it's that simple?"

You nodded. "Sometimes it is. Just be honest with yourself and with him." The exchange took a more serious turn as your voice grew earnest. "You know, TK, you need to put your pride aside. Stop holding back."

TK sighed, the weight of his emotions evident. "It's complicated."

"Maybe," You agreed, "but if there's a chance for you two to find your way back to each other, I hope you take it."

As TK opened his mouth to answer, the bedroom door swung open with a theatrical flourish, revealing Mateo standing there with an exaggeratedly dramatic expression on his face. "Ahem," he coughed dramatically.

Startled, you and TK broke off your conversation and turned to face the unexpected interruption. Mateo's entrance was met with a mixture of surprise and bemusement on your faces. You raised an eyebrow, your lips twitching into a small smile. "Mateo, what are you doing?"

Mateo straightened up, his expression quickly morphing into one of mock innocence. "Oh, nothing much, just wondering if your snack drawer has miraculously transformed into a bottomless pit of deliciousness since the last time I checked."

TK chuckled, his attention momentarily diverted from your earlier conversation. "Is that so, Mateo?"

Mateo nodded enthusiastically, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Absolutely! I thought I'd investigate this culinary phenomenon and perhaps partake in some midnight sustenance."

You rolled your eyes playfully, your earlier seriousness momentarily forgotten. "You're ridiculous, Mateo."

With an exaggerated flourish, Mateo placed a hand over his heart, feigning deep emotion. "Ridiculous? Me? I'm simply a curious seeker of snack-related knowledge!"

TK burst into laughter, unable to contain himself. "You're something else, Mateo."

Grinning, Mateo took a dramatic step forward, as if about to embark on an epic quest. "Well then, lead me to the hallowed land of snacks, oh noble lady!"

Amid your laughter and Mateo's theatrics, the earlier intensity of your conversation faded into the background. You gestured towards a small cupboard in the corner of the room. "Go ahead, noble knight. Your snacks await."

Mateo bowed grandly, his hand on his chest once more. "Thank you, fair lady."

As Mateo rummaged through the snacks with a theatrical flourish, you turned to TK, a playful glint in your eye. "Looks like our conversation got hijacked by Mateo's quest for snacks."

TK grinned, shaking his head in amusement. "Leave it to Mateo to bring humor to any situation."

Indeed, as Mateo emerged from the snack drawer triumphantly holding an array of treats, his antics had successfully lightened the mood. He distributed snacks to you, TK, and himself, and you all settled back onto the bed, the tension from your earlier conversation now replaced by shared laughter.

[perennialwitness]

The Real OG(an excerpt)

Please say the following aloud:

When you’re here, 

You’re family. 

If your mind made the connection to Olive Garden just now then we probably come from a similar background. Semi-suburban– too far to take public transit into the city, close enough to drive. Forty-five minutes, with no traffic. And we all know there’s no such thing as ‘no traffic’, only varying levels of density. The freeways more like rivers than roads, their red halogen flood line rising and falling with the moon and the weather. Kept fed by a sprawl of Commuter Towns, their  farthest edges in constant creeping development.

I grew up in one of these places, vast stretches of single-family homes connected by high-speed stroads. A town with clearly delineated lines between the Blacks and the Whites, everyone else fell somewhere in between. Then there were Subsections within that for the rich(meaning they more than likely owned their home) and the poor(straight down past section 8 and into the dusty outskirts). Streets would change suddenly from one to the next. The asphalt under your feet rapidly degrading as you made your way toward the Blacker, Poorer side of town. It mattered that you knew this. It was a way to communicate things oftentimes hard to say aloud. For instance, I lived on the poor Black side and went to school on the poor White side. Anyway,

Growing up, family events that warranted a drive to the city were rare. If it was your birthday, graduation, funeral, divorce– didn’t matter, there were only a handful of places to celebrate, all of them inhabiting the same mile long shopping plaza. There was; Applebees, famous for their happy hour specials. Chevy’s, Tex-mex where they make the tortillas out in the middle of the restaurant, which had the appearance of a beach cabana. Sizzler or Red Lobster if you were feeling extra spendy(dim lights, lots of wood grain, for date nights and so forth). And then there was the Olive Garden, which was reserved for nights when you really wanted to fill up. 

“Ain’t no bigger bang for your buck than Olive Garden on a coupon,” My step-dad would say then he’d rap his overstuffed wallet against the table and let out the hoarse rattle that was his laugh. He was right, if you were smart about it you could make one dinner last three days easy. 

Truth be told the food is barely food, classic recipes trimmed down to the bare necessities as a way of cutting costs and increasing turnover. Heapings upon heapings of pasta swimming in sauces brewed by the vat. Bread sticks, soggy with butter and oil, coming out in the dozens from the kitchen like clockwork. Servers in a mad dash to ensure every table’s basket full, lest they screech about meal comps, how they were advertised endless breadsticks and how they would sue if they weren’t offered compensation.

Bigger bang, bigger buck. 

To their credit the owners of the Olive Garden had tried to keep the place classy. The walls were painted to look like the cracked plaster of a Mediterranean villa, there were “stone” columns wrapped with vine decorations, arranged by someone unconcerned with structural support. Italian-sounding string accompaniments droned over the PA to complete the immersion. It was, all things considered, a nice place to bring the kids. And my parents, swept up in the fantasy, would drink wine there, instead of their usual Whiskeys and Vodka Sodas. They’d pretend they were in love, and we-- the kids I mean-- we tried our best to behave like “family”.

In my adulthood I avoided these places. Not because I cared about the quality, I don’t have qualms with cheap bad food. My aversion was psychological. These chains represented a place and a lifestyle that I couldn’t return to. The make-believe of it all. The gamified domesticity. It isn’t simple to correct your vision, removing the blinders is painful, seeing the truth of things deteriorates the sense of self. There’s just too much comfort in familiarity. So easy to lull oneself back to sleep amongst the herd, so more than anything else what I feared was regression.