#i may have voted revenge so i could see the results but i’m using that as propaganda for futct

[gch1995]

The apologist need to shut up about Shmi Skywalker and using her tag. I literally just saw a post that compared the Legends canon where Shmi hears about the Battle of Naboo and scraps up enough money to comm the temple to see if her son is dead or not and brutally rejected to a switchboard operator at a school not releasing info about a student (because the Jedi Order is a school). I debated asking if the Order could ask Anakin but that would require empathy. It is more like an undocumented mother gets her child taken away by the authorities, adopted out, and wants to know if they are alive or not. (Also the Jedi don't owe Shmi her freedom or anything, but they didn't steal her son. Just bought him).

Yeah, that is why the Jedi Order is theoretically supposed to be a school, but before Luke (screw Disney Wars), they operated more like an extremist religious soldier cult. I know people have gone over it on here before, but I’m still going to lay out all the criteria that the prequel era Jedi meet for being a cult again:

1. The leader is the ultimate authority-

If you’re not allowed to criticize your leader, even if the criticism is true, you’re probably in a cult.

Cults begin with a charismatic leader who claims some supreme knowledge. They may call themselves a prophet, messiah, messenger, or an enlightened teacher. They can also be CEOs, military officials, politicians, and self-help gurus.

Cult leaders convince members to forfeit their critical thinking ability in return for a sense of belonging, authority, and purpose. To members, it doesn’t matter what the evidence or logic may suggest, the leader is always right, and their misdeeds are always justified. Criticism of the leader is forbidden.

Yep, the prequel Jedi are a pretty solid 8/10 on this in regards to the Council, particularly Yoda. One of the few times people vote against him in the Order is when they admit Anakin into the Order, even though Yoda thinks he’s “too old.” It’s pretty similar to how Obi-Wan just barely convinced him to let Luke train in the OT movies. Occasionally, he’ll relent, if he knows it could benefit his organization. Otherwise, it’s pretty much whatever Yoda says that goes.

For instance, Mace-Windu tries to tell Yoda that he thinks they should talk to the Senate about their force abilities being clouded, tell them about their suspicions in regards to Palpatine, and tell them about how the clones have been chipped. However, Yoda tells him no, so Mace-Windu quickly gives up on trying to argue with him.

In Count Dooku’s backstory, he cites Yoda as being the problem with the Jedi Order because he’s been in charge for 800+ years and has become corrupted by power as a result. He’s not entirely wrong.

Anakin is so relieved that Yoda is actually willing to talk to him in the Revenge of the Sith novelization by Matthew Stover that he nearly breaks down in tears, which suggests that Yoda has belittles him, portrayed himself as an elite, and ignored his attempts to reach out and shut him down for trying to speak up more than once.

Obi-Wan initially protests against Yoda ordering him to execute Anakin without a fair trial first in Revenge of the Sith, but ultimately almost goes through with it because he gets shut down by Yoda, and thinks he has to please him.

In The Clone Wars, Yoda orders Anakin and Ahsoka to go on a mission to return Jabba back to the Hutts on his home planet Tatooine. It makes perfectly reasonable sense that Anakin Skywalker, a former slave from Tatooine, would feel pissed off about having to return a slave master to his home planet. However, Yoda quickly shuts him down by calling him “selfish” and tells him it’s “for the greater good.”

I could go on with more examples, but, while Yoda is occasionally disobeyed by his recruits, he’s usually not because he’s “the wisest Jedi.” Everyone in the Order is usually too afraid to say no to him since he belittles them or shuts them down most of the time as their leader.

2. The group suppresses skepticism

If you’re only allowed to study your organization through approved sources, you’re probably in a cult.

Cults view critical thinking as an infectious disease and every effort is made to suppress it. Doubting members are encouraged to isolate themselves from outside influences and focus solely on the doctrine of the cult.

Criticism is forbidden. People who contradict the group are viewed as persecutors and are often given labels like “anti,” “apostate,” or “suppressive person.” Members are discouraged from consuming any material that is critical of the group.

Yep, 9/10. The members of the Jedi are cut off from their family and friends on the outside because “attachments are dangerous.” Anakin, Ahsoka, and Luke frequently get labelled as “dangerous,” “selfish,” “greedy,” “arrogant,” and “impatient” for disagreeing with them or expressing valid concerns for loved ones in danger. Jedi are usually never allowed to leave the temple without other Jedi.

3. The group delegitimizes former members

If you can’t think of a legitimate reason for leaving your group, you’re probably in a cult.

Because the cult considers itself the ultimate authority on truth, it can’t imagine anybody leaving it with their integrity intact. Thus, it has to perpetuate a false narrative that former members were deceived, proud, immoral, or lazy.

If former members speak out, they are dismissed as bitter, angry, dishonest or evil. Cults often impose some kind of shunning to shame former members and prevent them from infecting other members with the truth.

8/10. While the Sith technically are morally worse than the Jedi Order, they are still really the only other valid option for personal safety and support that members will perceive if they become displeased with the Jedi Order and want to leave in the prequels era because the Jedi Council cut them off and/or character assassinate their public reputations if they just leave. The only other option you have is to get thrown to the wolves to fend for yourself by the Council for leaving the Jedi Order in the prequels.

Moreover, if a Jedi falls to the dark side in the prequel era, they are not allowed to call out the Jedi for mistreating them, or have a fair trial in court. They are automatically just the “pure evil” enemy of their Order who must be executed by them right away. 

4. The group is paranoid about the outside world

If your group insists the end of the world is near, you’re probably in a cult.

Cults position themselves as the sole refuge from an evil outside world that is intent on their destruction. Cults thrive on conspiracy theories, catastrophic thinking, and persecution complexes.

In an effort to draw in more paying members, cults are often very aggressive in their recruitment efforts which are usually justified as “saving” people from the evil world. Those who reject the cult’s message are unelect, prideful, evil, or stupid.

Yep, the Jedi in the prequels are pretty irrationally paranoid about the outside. 9/10. They cut off recruits from family and friends because “attachments are dangerous.” They think they are the only ones equipped to deal with the Sith and save the world from them, so they refuse to let the Senate know when they’re about to execute them.

5. The group relies on shame cycles

If you need your group in order to feel worthy, loved, or sufficient, you’re probably in a cult.

Cult leaders trap members in shame cycles by imposing abnormally strict codes of conduct (usually prescriptions about diet, appearance, sex, relationships, media), guilting members for their shortcomings, and then positioning themselves as the unique remedy to the feelings of guilt which they themselves created.

Cult members are made to believe they are insufficient or unworthy on their own and that the only way to become worthy is to confess their shortcomings to the group or leader. The leader then becomes the meditiator of worthiness and the foundation of the member’s self esteem.

Leaders who can make followers feel bad about anything can use shame to manipulate followers into doing anything, even if it’s against their own self-interest or better judgment.

Yep, the Jedi are a solid 10/10 for this. They use the whole “Chosen one destined to destroy the Sith in war” title to guilt trip Anakin into staying before and after the war after he marries Padme. In order to be “good” Jedi, they can’t have close relationships, get married, and/or have kids at all. Valid emotional expression and individuality are constantly shamed as “dangerous,” “greedy,” or “selfish.” They force all their padawans to dress a certain way. Yoda and Obi-Wan immediately dump Luke as a student when he tells them he’s taking a break from training to go save his friends, which he’ll be right back from. Instead, they tell him he’s “doomed to become an agent of evil forever.”

6. The leader is above the law

If you’re held to a different moral standard, specifically in regard to sex, you’re probably in a cult.

A prevalent idea among cult leaders is that they are above the law, be it human or divine. This idea allows them to exploit their followers economically and sexually without repercussions.

When confronted, they do not confess, but create justifications for their impropriety. Sexual grooming of members is common. Loyal cult members will perform any amount of “mental gymnastics” to justify or ignore the leader’s behavior.

They’re not sexually abusive, and there really is no proper legal system in Star Wars. However, ever notice how Yoda is the only Jedi who never seems to get called out or personally pay for his sins and wrongdoings? He dies peacefully, and teaches both himself and his recruits to perpetuate those whole emotional detachment and “greater good” mantras to defend themselves, but it’s really based on fear.

7. The group uses “thought reform” methods

If your serious questions are answered with cliches, you’re probably in a cult.

Indoctrination or “brainwashing” is the process through which a cult slowly breaks down a person’s sense of identity and ability to think rationally. Behaviors like excessive fasting, prayer, hypnosis, scripture reading, chanting, meditation, or drug usage can all be used to increase a person’s vulnerability to the leader’s suggestions.

The hallmark of indoctrination is the use of thought-terminating cliches. Platitudes like “follow the leader” or “doubt your doubts” are regurgitated over and over so that members don’t have to critically analyze complex issues.

Yep, 10/10 for the Jedi.

Anakin: I keep worrying about my mother you guys left in slavery and refused to let me talk to in 10 years after having these potentially prophetic force dreams about her in danger. What should I do, Master Obi Wan?

Obi-Wan: Dreams pass in time.

Anakin: Master Yoda, I keep having these potentially prophetic visions of someone I love dying in the future. What should I do?

Yoda: Mourn then not. Rejoice in their death through the power of the force.

Luke: I have to go save my friends from potential danger because this force vision I had of it could be true. I’ll be right back for training.

Obi-Wan and Yoda: Leave them to their fate as the force wills. Who cares if they die? If you leave now, doomed you will be to become an agent of evil forever, and you face Darth Vader alone after less than a month of training in combat with a lightsaber under us.

8. The group is elitist

If your group is the solution for all the world’s problems, you’re probably in a cult.

Cults see themselves as the enlightened, chosen, and elect organization tasked with radically transforming individual lives and the entire world.

This elitism creates greater sense of group unity and responsibility centered on a united purpose. However, this sense of responsibility is often manipulated by cult leaders who coerce members into risky financial behavior, sexual favors, free manual labor, or heightened recruitment efforts in order to “further the cause.”

Yep, the Jedi are a pretty solid 10/10 for elitism. Oh, we only take in recruits with a super high midichlorian count. We’re the only ones equipped to deal with the Sith, and the rest of the Senate can’t know, so we’ll commit treason against their government to take them down. We’ll recruit children as soldiers “for the greater good.” I could go on.

9. There is no financial transparency

If you’re not allowed to know what the group does with their money, you’re probably in a cult.

A group that refuses to disclose its finances is a huge red flag. Ethical organizations have nothing to hide. Cult leaders tend to live opulently while their followers are required to make financial sacrifices. Members are often encouraged to pay their offerings even if it means putting their families at risk.

No, this is the one thing the Jedi don’t do.

10. The group performs secret rites

If there are secret teachings or ceremonies you didn’t discover until after you joined, you’re probably in a cult.

Cults use secret rituals as rites of passage that solidify a member’s loyalty to the group. Initiation into these rites usually only comes after a member has undergone certain tests or made adequate financial contributions.

Often, cult initiations are confusing, bizarre, or even offensive. This mental dissonance between their sense of confusion and their loyalty to the “inner circle” convinces the initiate to double their efforts in order to properly appreciate the proceedings. This only further entrenches them in a shame cycle, making them even more susceptible to manipulation

Yep. 10/10 for the Jedi Order.

They usually make Jedi go through trials to be knighted.

Yoda gave Anakin Ahsoka as a padawan to “test” him on his ability to let her go, even when Anakin tried to say no at first.

Jedi padawan often get abandoned and/or sent on dangerous missions well under the age of 18, and if they survive, then that means they “passed.”

So, yeah, the prequel era Jedi adults are overall a very toxic cult that bred pretty objectively awful people.

They meet 9/10 of the criteria for a cult that I found on this website. If they were supposed to be the “good” guys as an overall organization, it was only because the Sith were far worse.

https://medium.com/@zelphontheshelf/10-signs-youre-probably-in-a-cult-1921eb5a3857

[yeosatinyngz]

ꜰᴏᴜʀ

Previous | Masterlist | Next

Synopsis: You miraculously get sucked into the world of Tokyo Revengers. You’ll have to make some challenging choices and with every choice you make you may make things worse, is it worth it? How will things turn out?

A/N: First of all I just want to say that Choice C was a joke and some of you guys really chose it lmfao💀 This is my favorite comment on the google forms😭

Results are in and 78.6% voted ‘Fix the misunderstanding between Kazutora and the others’ 3.6% voted ‘Move on to the timeskip’ and 17.9% voted ‘Use special attack: ‘this isn’t you🥺’ on Kazutora’

[➤] Fix the misunderstanding between Kazutora and the others

[ ] Move on to the timeskip

[ ] Use special attack: ‘this isn’t you🥺’ on Kazutora

[ ] Do nothing

You decided to send another anonymous note to Baji instructing him to first text Kazutora and explain to him that he wasn’t betraying him, that he was doing it for not only Kazutora but the Toman founders as well. It all comes down to whether Kazutora listens or not.

Luckily he did and Baji organized a meeting with the Toman founders and Baji explained his side of the story to everyone and Kazutora explained his side.

“Nothing can excuse my past behaviors and my current behaviors either, but know that I sincerely apologize for my actions, I don’t deserve to be forgiven but I’ll prove it to you guys that I can change for the better.”

“Kazutora was being manipulated by those shitheads Kisaki and Hanma. He’s not at fault, I joined Valhalla so I could get more information on Kisaki. I’m sorry for not telling you guys.”

“Baji, you could’ve told us and we would’ve helped you. Why did you think that you had to do it alone? We’re your friends.”

Mikey says to Kazutora, “You’re still a part of Toman, I forgive you.” Kazutora teared up upon hearing those words and they all forgave him as well and they group hugged.

“Sorry to ruin the sweet and sentimental moment but this needs to be said, we’ve forgiven you now Kazutora but I think it’s best you get some therapy.”

“I think that’s the best choice for me, I’ll keep working on improving myself for you guys.”

Seeing that everything worked out between the boys you gave yourself a little pat on the back. However, you get an ominous text that sent shivers down your back

No choices this week but genuine question, what timeline would guys be most interested in seeing? Leave comments here

➼Taglist: @crown5 @hishui @bxnnyx @e7t3 @akimochi10

[medusinestories]

Onwards to the episode in which we get to see Flint and Silver each having a very bad day (as well as two literal dicks that nobody had asked to see).

Black Sails VII (s1 ep07)

- We open on Pastor Lambrick's sweaty face as he intensely rehearses the Easter sermon and he’s obviously eaten up by what he did with Miranda. His sermon, unsurprisingly, focuses on sin, keeping sin hidden, and the hell that awaits the sinner. Which leads us nicely onto Flint, who’s distracted (by his own sin? by thoughts of Miranda? both?) during a meeting with Eleanor. Eleanor is pissed that Miranda let Richard Guthrie send a message to the Andromache and then waltz into town to close up his business; Flint tries to take the heat off Miranda, once again protecting her (at this point, he may not know the contents of the letter).

- During this meeting, Flint is startled when Silver first speaks up to say that the mob in the street was bad - clearly Silver is a sort of intruder in this meeting. But Eleanor, after Silver reminds her by unsubtly clearing his throat, tells Flint that he’s not to harm Silver because he was instrumental in setting up the Consortium. Silver looks so pleased with himself in these scenes, and Flint quite defeated when he tells Silver to follow him back to their camp. I love it.

- To parallel Flint/Miranda’s Sulky Sex scene from ep4, we have Anne/Rackham’s frustrating/disconnected sex scene. It shows us a few things about them mainly that Anne wants to keep a lot of control over what happens, hence Rackham being tied up (though of course this might also be his kink), her wearing a shirt that covers up most of her body, and the reverse cowgirl position that means that she’s both in control of what happens and completely avoids eye contact. The position reminds us of the Flint/Miranda scene, where Miranda was also on top, but their scene involved more eye contact (yes glaring counts, he’s still intensely focused on Miranda), gentle touching (on Miranda’s side) and her being naked and open to him. Another parallel is that both Flint and Rackham aren’t in the right frame of mind for sex, Flint being angry and Rackham lost in a sea of worries (and probably also somewhat angry/disappointed at Anne for forcing him into the plot to kill their crewmates). The difference between Flint and Rackham is that while Flint doesn’t seem to have any trouble performing, Rackham is miles away and doesn’t even notice that he’s lost his erection - again. Anne is frustrated by this, and apparently knows him well enough that she offers to put something up his arse, but he’s clearly not in the mood, and she leaves in a huff, abandoning him all tied up as a sort of revenge for his performance problems. Whatever the problem is between them isn’t put into words (because Anne can’t yet, for starters), unlike the one between Flint and Miranda. The intimacy between Rackham and Anne, so often described as close partners, seems much more distant to me than the one shown between Flint and Miranda. I’m not sure whether it’s because of anyone’s sexual orientation, or just the fact that they’re fucking but they’ve never discussed the big important things, such as Anne’s identity/feelings/etc.

- In this episode, Dufresne gains a lot of power: with a freshly (and badly) shaved head and a new tattoo, he’s been promoted to Quartermaster on the Walrus in Billy’s place. And very quickly he has a problem to deal with: Randall revealing that Silver stole the page. Gates had actually already told this to Dufresne, as is revealed at the end of the episode, which might explain why Dufresne is relatively calm during the whole conversation, while DeGroot wants Silver and Flint hanged and Howell is surprisingly ruthless: he brings up the idea that it may be better to kill off Randall in order to get to the treasure, if they can’t make sure he’ll keep quiet about Silver being the thief. Dufresne is actually quite kind towards Silver in the scene where he puts Silver’s memory to the test - a test that could result in his death if he fails it and that Silver constantly grumbles against (I love his grumbling!). Basically, at this point Dufresne remains quite a sympathetic character, which will change a lot as the show goes on, especially after Jannes Eiselen had to leave the show (such a sad story, RIP Jannes).

- In the meantime, the Flint and Gates relationship is crumbling. It's sad to see, especially since they're shown sharing chuckles as they talk about Dufresne's appointment in the beginning of the episode. But then Gates brings up the subject of Miranda and demands explanations about the letter Billy found. We're not shown exactly what Flint answers, but it's clear that he's actually trying his best to give him an explanation without incriminating Miranda too badly. The sad thing is that Flint is actually telling the truth: he actually wasn't involved in any betrayal of his crew and and can only guess at Miranda's motivations. But the fact that he's lied time and again in previous situations, including on the Maria Aleyne where he claimed Lord Alfred drew a weapon on him (and Gates secretly verified that this was a lie), and used men as pawns to advance his and Miranda's plans, is now catching up to him. Flint seems truly hurt when Gates accuses him of using the men for his own purposes, and turns spiteful, telling Gates that he should have been "a better father" to Billy and helped him "understand the world he was living in" (suggesting that such a forthright character as Billy can't really survive in a world of pirates who are all ready to stab each other in the back). After that slap in the face, Gates says he's exhausted from Flint and threatens to take it to the crew. Somehow, this pushes Flint to bare all: he tells Gates about his plan to keep a part of the treasure and use it to build up Nassau, depicting himself as a sort of saviour, doing it for the men's good: they'd rather be rich men in a safe place than dead thieves hanging from a noose. Gates sees this as delusions of grandeur, and tells him that while he'll see the Urca plot through, after that they're done. I actually think he sees Flint’s point, since he doesn’t just throw him to the crew, but won’t admit that out loud. The whole of this scene hurts bad, because you can tell that Flint is desperate and sad to be losing his closest ally and friend, and that Gates is hurting from the loss of Billy and exhausted from the toxic relationship he has with Flint, where he's played enabler to his manipulations for years.

- While Flint and Gates’ alliance is breaking, Silver has to forge one with Randall or die. Randall finds out in the beginning of the episode that he’s been voted out of the crew. This is apparently due to DeGroot’s fears that Randall could be a fire hazard, which the crew took disproportionately to heart. Randall is furious with Silver, who smugly tells him that in these situations, a setback often comes with a new or unexpected opportunity. He’s right, but at this point he doesn’t know that he is the opportunity Randall’s going to latch on. Randall reveals that Silver is a thief, and Silver denies it, saying that Randall is both a halfwit and was in a haze of opium when he heard what he thought he heard; he even tries to convince Randall that he was mistaken (this, my friends, is gaslighting). However, by revealing that Silver was the thief, Randall sets a chain of events into motion which could either end with his death (if Howell has his way, since Randall is an inconvenient witness) or Silver’s (if DeGroot tips the balance, not trusting Silver to remember the coordinates and not wanting to sacrifice Randall for nothing). Silver figures out that these are the outcomes, and tries to talk sense into Randall by making a deal with him: he’ll care for Randall and make sure he can stay on the ship. But it’s only when Silver finally admits that he is the thief and that Randall was right, that Randall accepts the deal. Later, Silver realises that Randall might have orchestrated the whole thing: he’s now got Silver to serve him, doesn’t have to take any risks on the ship, and gets to remain with the crew. Silver wonders if Randall is a genius rather than a halfwit (a word thrown about a lot to describe him). And it seems quite obvious, considering what happened, that Randall still has strong survival skills (an amputee with impaired cognitive skills doesn’t stand a chance of survival outside a crew and he must be aware of it), that he still has a good memory and an ability to pick out useful information and that he’s aware enough of what’s going on to be upset by the crew’s rejection and Silver’s attempt to gaslight him. I think it’s important to recognise that Randall is more than a comic relief or a grotesque character: he’s a disabled man who's lost parts of his cognitive ability and is struggling to survive.

- This episode focuses on Vane facing his past. He seeks out the island where he grew up and its master, Albinus. I’d forgotten or never really registered that Albinus was a pirate and that the men who work for him were mostly his crew - and likely slaves (or children, hence Vane?) that he managed to capture/press into service. He’s retired from pirating and set up a system where his men cut down trees for timber all day, without wages. It’s not clear exactly how he holds so much power over these men, although it seems that everyone is terrified of him. He’s extremely strong physically, seems shrewd, speaks rather well, and his tattoos suggest that maybe he’s involved in some kind of ritual (truly religious or just for show?) which would make him all the more scary to superstitious people. Vane is clearly still frightened: he barely makes eye contact and practically stutters when he first tries to make the deal with Albinus, which is that he’ll take some of Albinus’ men as crew and send Albinus part of their earnings as tribute. It says a lot about Albinus that Vane, after years of having run away, is still so scares that he’s willing to pay him a tribute. But he changes his mind as he stares at a boy bearing the same brand as he does: he tries to persuade the men that Nassau is a pace of pleasures rather than hard labour, and confronts Albinus. The fight is brutal and ends with Vane buried naked, just after Albinus tells him that he’s proud of him. But of course Vane wouldn’t be Vane if he didn’t rise from the dead at the last minute and kill Albinus, goaded on by his inner Eleanor voice.

- In the meantime, Mr Scott returns to Eleanor, apologising for what he did, telling her he betrayed her out of love. However he also reminds her of his slave status: technically, he belongs to her. The argument upsets her, and he quite cleverly uses this moment to ask her to free the slaves who were on the Andromache. And it works: by the end of the episode, she’s made arrangements for the men to work on ships and has bought the women’s freedom and found them jobs in her tavern. But Mr Scott has still decided to leave Eleanor to join Hornigold’s crew, to refrain from meddling with Eleanor’s affairs, since he disagrees with her so strongly re: the Urca. Hornigold approached him earlier in the episode, and the introduction to that scene is quite interesting: Hornigold says to Mr Scott “I’ll need to know your secret” and Mr Scott looks startled and frightened. It seems that he’s startled because he’d been giving food to the slaves, but in light of S3, it could be a much greater secret that’s being referred to. Mr Scott is relieved when he realises that Hornigold is simply talking about tolerating Eleanor, who he clearly can’t stand.

- Flint’s bad day continues, of course, with the big confrontation he has with Miranda. He’s furious about the letter (of which he now knows the contents thanks to Gates), telling her that it could have got him killed, or destroyed the plans they’d made and asking her whether she was trying to embarrass him. This sounds so weirdly petty, and yet it also sounds exactly like the kind of argument that would come up in a bickering couple. Miranda answers that she was trying to help him out of that life, because she wants to move on. This is where Miranda utters the famous “there is no life here, there is no joy here, there is no love here”. I noticed that, covered by Flint yelling at her, and distorted because her voice has gone very shrill, Miranda says another line, which sounds like “you used to love, then”. If that really is what she says, it’s extra-extra-extra heartbreaking to hear (if someone wants to check it for me, it’s around 35:40). It’s obvious that Flint and Miranda’s views on life are very different, and I can’t help but think back to the fact that, as a carpenter’s son from the country, Flint has had to struggle all his life to become who he is. So when he says that you can’t get a life without having a war, and Miranda tells him he’s wrong, she’s speaking entirely from the point of view of her privilege. She’s never needed to fight as hard as he has to be happy, because she got extremely lucky in marrying Thomas. And when she says that Thomas would agree with her, I’m certain she’s right. But life has never been like that for Flint, and there’s no way he’ll ever entirely agree with their point of view. Rewatching this scene is tough, btw, because they both have great points, they’re both hurting so much, and there’s so much to take in between the body language, the facial expressions, the tones of voice and the actual words that it’s a whole whirlwind. And it feels very, very real.

- It’s absolutely hilarious to see Rackham get robbed by the whores taking advantage of his lack of knowledge (and research). He should absolutely have done a better job and has no clue how to run a brothel. He’s lucky Max takes things in hand after having heard from Idelle that the girls were taking advantage.

- Then we have the beautiful Drunk Flint scene. Eleanor notices him feeling very sorry for himself after Gates has pretty much broken up with him and he’s still reeling from fighting with by Miranda. I think Flint feels very misunderstood here. He thought that he was doing something good, to save Nassau and avenge Thomas, and doesn’t understand why they can’t see it, why they only see the terrible methods he uses to reach his goals. So he’s full of doubt, clearly wondering if he’s the villain of the story, and puts the question to Eleanor: is their plan worth it? Eleanor is the only person who still believes in him, which leads us to the only scene that I would ever call straight-baiting. Flint hovers near Eleanor, breathing heavily, and a variety of emotions play over her face during this moment of tension, as she seems to think this is leading to a kiss. It does, he gives her a chaste little forehead kiss and leaves. All the elements are in place to make your average viewer start shipping these two. I actually find it hilarious that the ship barely exists in the fandom (though I wasn’t there in the beginning of the fandom and I guess the viewership changed a lot between S1 and S4).

- The scene with Flint and Gates glaring at each other from their respective ships and Parson’s Farewell playing in the background... epic! We know this is the beginning of a big struggle between them, especially since we find out that Gates has pretty much decided that he’ll hand Flint over to the crew once they get the money. But nnnnggh that scene! The ships leaving on their hunt! Awesome and heartbreaking!

[dajaregambler]

AAside - Gyroaxia Band story - Chapter 4 (full)

Translation of Gyroaxia’s band story from the game ‘Argonavis from Bang Dream! AAside’.

This post contains all parts belonging to Chapter 4.

(Recommendation to read this along the ingame band story, since it’s all fully voiced!)

Part one - “Joint declaration”

-----At GYROAXIA’s sharehouse

Reon: Kenta-san, have you seen this?

Kenta: What?

Reon: How members of Fantôme Iris are dissing us, and that from there fans started to fight each other…

Miyuki: I saw it too. Like, how Fantôme’s comments started it all, although I’m suspicious if they actually did say that

Reon: I was thinking so too but….

Reon: On the contrary, our fans went out to get revenge after Fantôme’s live had ended…

Kenta: I’m aware of it. I had shrugged it off as baseless rumors that would disappear on their own soon.

Kenta: And then it turned out to be a bigger commotion than I had expected it to.

Miyuki: What’re we gonna do? Are we gonna leave it be or

Kenta: The leader of Fantôme shall be coming here tonight. I intend to discuss what we should do about it.

Miyuki: Haha, always first on the move ain’tcha now

Reon: It’d be good if it didn’t influence the voting for the starting live, but…. today they’ll be announcing the results, right

Kenta: What now, are you not confident?

Reon: That’s not….

Miyuki: Well, I’m not worried about our ranking, it just doesn’t feel too good thinking how these strange rumors still out there

Kenta: I’ll be taking care of it. Leave it up to me

Miyuki: Yeah, yeah. Please do so, Kenta-sensei

-

----A few hours later

Felix: ---Then, I shall be taking care of the draft for the statement. Could you verify it for me once I had sent it after returning home as soon as possible?

Kenta: I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll respond as soon as possible.

Felix: I could say the same. Ah… that reminds me, I had forgotten to mention something

Kenta: What may it be?

Felix: Congratulations on reaching first place at the starting live. It’s still an amazing accomplishment, even without the impact of the rumors.

Kenta: Thank you very much. However, I believe that you are not intending to leave things as they are now, right?

Felix: Why of course. We may have ended up last now, but one could say it was a mere warm up for next time.

Felix: It ought to not take long before we get tired of staring down on your backs.

Kenta: …..GYROAXIA will not lose.

Felix: I see… fufu. Now then, I suppose it’s time to---

(Door opening)

Nayuta: Any coffee

Nyankotarou: Nya~

Felix: Good evening, Nayuta. Pardon my intrustion. And hello to you too, you must be Nyankotarou

Nayuta: …..A guest, eh

Kenta: You seem to be well informed, to the point of knowing his cat’s name. 

Felix: Only because I have checked the official blog of your band. A fan ought to know this much, or am I wrong?

Kenta: Haha

Felix: Now, I shall be taking my leave. I would love to sit down and have a nice chat with you when possible, Nayuta

Nayuta: ………

Felix: À bientôt. And to you too, Nyankotarou

Nyankotarou: Nya~

-

Nayuta: …..What did you talk about

Kenta: I had consulted him about what we should do about these baseless rumors. Nothing that should concern you.

Nayuta: ‘Kay

Kenta: Ah, right there is coffee. I’ll go make some right now

Kenta: (Even though I’m doing everything I can to not distract Nayuta with any unnecessary trouble, it has to blow over as soon as it can.)

Kenta: (If... this would put an end to it, though...)

Part two - “Joint interview”

-----At an office

Miyuki: Soft and fluffy chairs, some way too delicious coffee…. at last, the kind of treatment we deserve

Nayuta: ….Oi, Sakaigawa

Miyuki: Mh? What’s up, Nayuta?

Nayuta: It’s time. Let’s leave

Miyuki: Eh? I mean sure it’s been a while since it was supposed to start but… wouldn’t it be good to wait for a bit at least!

Nayuta: Tch….

Miyuki: The management of the Fes had set this interview up for us too. Hold it out just for a bit, okay!

Miyuki: Handling advertising is also an important part for the Fes, didn’t Kenta say so too?

Nayuta: Where is he

Miyuki: He said he suddenly had a meeting to attend and is at the office now

Nayuta: ………

Miyuki: I’ll contact the person in charge too, c’mon sit down!

Interviewer: Excuse me. My sincerest apologies for being late!

Shu: So sorry for bein’ late. Was busy with school an’ all that 

Reiji: Forgive us for making you wait.

Miyuki: Eh? You guys are Epsi’s….

Nayuta: ….What’s the meaning of this

Miyuki: Wasn’t it supposed to be Nayuta’s interview today or...

Interview: Huh? Have we not informed you about it? That it’s a joint interview with the frontmen of the participating bands...

Shu: Aah, that’s ‘cuz I asked to not let ‘em know. Wanted to get a good scare outta ‘em!

Nayuta: ….We gotta leave

Miyuki: Heey hey now! This kinda interview isn’t too bad, is it! And it’s not like you speak a lot on your own to begin with!

Reiji: My deepest apologies for spoiling the mood. Ujigawa has a tendency to enjoy pulling suck pranks...

Shu: Aw c’mon, stop talkin’ as if I’m some lil’ kid

Interviewer: We are very sorry for the lack of communication on our part! I promise it will not take too long, so please….!

Nayuta: ………

-

Interviewer: ----Now then, could you tell us what you think of each other’s bands?

Nayuta: Got nothing

Shu: Eeeh, that’s makin’ me sad. I’mma big fan of Gyro! Nayuta-san’s vocals are a given, but the rest of the band---

Miyuki: Wonder if it’s okay for Nayuta to act like that….

Reiji: Isn’t it more exciting to have an interview with a feeling of tension in the air

Reiji: It’s quite interesting, like Asahi-san himself

Miyuki: Haha… A relief to hear that then

Reiji: ….Speaking of which, that secret live from the other day was exciting too wasn’t it

Reiji: Somehow to the point of Asahi-san collapsing from singing too much….

Miyuki: Hm, aah… that. Yeah, Nayuta just went a bit overboard with giving his all

Reiji: Is his physical condition stable?

Miyuki: All good, good! Not a big deal at all!

Reiji: Then that is fine…. The vocalist collapsing must be undeniably troublesome for the members too.

Miyuki: Well… honestly, what came after that was more troubling than him collapsing

Reiji: Had something happened?

Miyuki: Nah well, it was more silly if anything you know, like a whole coup d’état was being staged! 

Reiji: Coup d'état…. Haha, that does indeed sound quite funny.

Reiji: If you don’t mind, could you tell me more about it?

Part three - “Stand and talk”

Miyuki: ---And with that, the whole coup fell apart. And one way or the other we all got back together again.

Miyuki: See? Told you it was silly, right?

Reiji: ….It’s necessary for the surprise attack to land its mark, if one wants a coup to succeed.

Reiji: For that moment, you have to bow down to those in power and patiently await your turn to strike...

Miyuki: Uum… What’s that about?

Reiji: ….History that I had learned in class about.

Reiji: Either way, thank you very much for talking with me.

Reiji: We’re respectively having our own fair share of issues due the nature of our frontmen, however we shall be doing our best for the Fes going on forward.

Miyuki: Seriously mature for your age, aren’t you….

Nayuta: Let’s leave, Sakaigawa

Miyuki: Sorry, sorry. Got caught up in talking. So, how did that interview go? 

Nayuki: Dunno. You’ll see tomorrow when we get back

Shu: Nayuta-san, good work. Was plenty of fun to talk with you!

Reiji: Thank you for your time too, Sakaigawa-san. I wish you good luck at the live tommorrow.

Miyuki: Ah, hold on Nayuta! Sorry for this, we’ll sit down to talk again some other time

Reiji: ….How did it go with him?

Shu: Wasn’t fun at all. That mister wouldn’ react at all despite pushin’ his buttons

Shu: Anyway, you seem to have heard somethin’ interesting?

Reiji: Yes. Exactly the kind of thing you enjoy.

Reiji: I’ll go collect evidence from the livehouse and hospital at once. I’ll be able to have it done in a few hours.

-

-----At GYROAXIA’s sharehouse

Ryo: Ah, Miyuki-kun and Nayuta, welcome baaack

Kenta: Welcome back, good work today

Miyuki: Huh, you got back too?

Kenta: Yes, it was a simple meeting. More importantly, how did the interview go?

Miyuki: It was… the whole thing turned out different than expected. Nayuta had to do a joint interview with Epsi’s Ujigawa-kun

Kenta: With Ujigawa Shu.... Was there anything strange that happened? 

Miyuki: Nah? It went pretty smoothly, right Nayuta?

Nayuta: Don’t remember. Don’t care

Kenta: Then, that’s fine….

(Door opening)

Reon: Ah, Kenta-san! Did you check online!?

Kenta: What is it, have fans started arguing again?

Miyuki: We commented on it, shouldn’t it have calmed down?

Reon: Not that! Look, it’s about this!

Miyuki: Uuum… “GYROAXIA’s vocalist, Nayuta Asahi has been spotted at the hospital! Troubles arise regarding the continuation of the band”---- 

Ryo: “Which leads to tension between the band members! Are they on the verge of breaking up with LR Fes right around the corner!?”

Miyuki: ...What, what the hell!? Where did all of this come from?

Kenta: I had assumed the possibility about hospital-related rumors spreading but…. not that it would reach about the state of the band itself.

Reon: It’s strange right! And way too detailed! To the point of a coup being mentioned!

Nayuta: ….What’s the meaning of this?

Kenta: I can only think it was one of us that had leaked it. But, how…. doesn’t anyone here remember this?

Miyuki: Think about it, going out of your way to talk about th--

Reiji: If you don’t mind, could you tell me more about it?

Miyuki: ….Eh? Don’t tell me….him!?

Kenta: Is there something you know, Miyuki

Miyuki: ……..Shit! Sure did it this time!!

Part four - “Reiji’s strategy”

Miyuki: While… Nayuta was doing the interview, I had talked to Epsi’s drummer…

Kenta: The drummer…. Karasuma Reiji

Miyuki: But, we didn’t talk too long ago, and I didn’t say anything about Nayuta’s asthma either!?

Kenta: There was more than enough time to spread rumors online about it.

Reon: It’s about an illness, and with how he collapsed at a live, you can make up as much as you want about it….

Kenta: ….There were a lot of awful rumors about Epsi when they were in Kyoto. How they’ll do anything to crush whoever piques their interest, and the like

Kenta: Which makes me suspect that they’re the ones behind our trouble with Fantôme.

Ryo: Why…. why would they do such things?

Kenta: To cut down the amount of rivals for the Fes…. I wouldn’t know for any other reason why.

Reon: Still, to go like that about it… it’s way too foul!

Kenta: They’re still middle and highschool students, but have plenty of funds and human connections to make use of.

Kenta: An example of what happens when a child who doesn’t know any better becomes drunk on power, I suppose

Nayuta: ……….

Miyuki: Goddamnit….!!

Reon: What do we do? Make another statement?

Kenta: Compared to last time, these rumors aren’t completely baseless. Any wrong moves will increase our amount of problems….

Miyuki: I’m sorry, everyone…. All because I just can’t keep my mouth shut….

Kenta: Apologies are for later. We need to focus on what to do about this right now...

Nayuta: Ain’t gonna do a thing

Miyuki: ...Eh?

Nayuta: We’re gonna rehearse. Get ready

Reon: Is it really fine to just leave it at that!?

Nayuta: Don’t give enough of a fuck to play around with some shitty brat

Kenta: Still… will the fans agree to it?

Nayuta: As if I know

Reon: “As if” you say….

Ryo: Then… wouldn’t it be better to admit to everything?

Miyuki: …..Eeeeh!?

Ryo: Let’s admit it at the beginning of the live. About Nayuta’s illness, and our coup d’état too

Kenta: …..Isn’t that asking to invite even more chaos?

Ryo: It’ll be all good!

Reon: How even

Ryo: ‘Cuz we’ll be doing a live right after it?

Ryo: Once our live starts, everyone’s worries will fly right out of the window and they’ll become happy!

Miyuki: What’s with that…

Kenta: ….I see

Reon: You’re agreeing with him!?

Kenta: Because… it might be a chance to demonstrate our power. Rumors and facts, GYROAXIA’s music will bring it all to the ground

Kenta: If it goes smoothly, we’d be back on track for the Fes...

Nayuta: ……..

Miyuki: Nayuta, I’m sorry…. It’s my fault that your fans came to know about your illness…..

Miyuki: But, it’s as Ryo and Kenta said… If it’s with you…. with our performance, everything will be blown away

Nayuta: Cut it out with the whining….

Reon: You’re so….!

Nayuta: I’m only gonna sing

Part five - “What about it?”

----At the livehouse

Gyro fan A: Hey, did you see it? Those rumors online. Like, “Gyro in a crisis of disbanding” and all… 

Gyro fan B: Isn’t that fake? And, Nayuta’s illness….

Gyro fan A: Yeah but… there’s also how Nayuta collapsed during the last song at this secret live the other day, right?

Gyro fan B: Yeah… and it does seem that the members often fight too….

Nayuta: …...Listen

Gyro fan A: Eh…. He’s gonna talk? Isn’t this unusual!?

Nayuta: Everything online, those shitty rumors--- All of it is true

Nayuta: I have a respiratory disease. There’s guys that started going on about quitting

Nayuta: But… what about it?

Nayuta: Even if I fall, I’ll sing. Even on my own, I’ll sing.

Nayuta: As long as I live

Nayuta: …...GYROAXIA

-

Reon: (All you had to say or what… still… it really fired up everyone!)

Miyuki: (Amazing, eh… that it wasn’t “us” either.)

Ryo: (Yeah, this feels nice… everyone looks happy)

Kenta: (Go, Nayuta…. crush them….!)

-

Gyro fan A: GYROOO!!!

Gyro fan B: NAYUTAAA!!

Gyro fan A: Hey, is that illness part true!? He’s still going at full power during the encore!!

Gyro fan B: The instrumental part was amazing too! No way that they’re breaking up!

Ryo: Aah, how nice… this kind of atmosphere… it’s very happy….

Reon: Haah..haah.. alright! The best performance…. yes… yes!!

Miyuki: Fuuh... for real, he’s some kinda monster... the fact that he pulled off a live beyond flawless

Kenta: You did it, Nayuta…. Alright, time to wrap it up

Nayuta: …….

Kenta: Nayuta….?

Nayuta: Oi… dunno if you’re here… some damned guy that has the nerve to pull some shit---

Nayuta: Whatever you wanna do, don’t drag me in it

Nayuta: That shit won’t crush my music

Nayuta: Still, you’re an eyesore. Don’t get in my way a second time. And if you wanna keep going...

Nayuta: I’ll destroy you… at the Fes battle

Miyuki: Haha… As if he’s some pro-wrestler

Reon: He.. was considerably angry

Kenta: Really? Isn’t that---

Ryo: Yeah, it’s the Nayuta that we know

-

Gyro fan A: That was so awesome! But… what Nayuta said at the end there...

Gyro fan B: “I’ll destroy you at the Fes”.... does this mean that a participating band spread rumors?

Gyro fan A: Seriously… that’s straight up awful

Reiji: ………

Reiji: (Failure, huh… No, they turned the tables around….)

Reiji: (There’s many other bands that aren’t this straight-forward… Well, whether it succeeds or not, either is fine.)

Reiji: (As long as Shu has been entertained)

[horansqueen]

Vote For My Next Story

I'll try to keep this short. YOU&ME has ended, and it was a big part of the last few years of my life (along with AM Conversations). It'll probably always be my favorite and best story but that doesnt mean i want to stop writing.

please, know that the oneshots ideas are independent from the story ideas, meaning that i can write a story AND oneshots at the same time so let me know if youre interested!

(click on the read more to read the 10 synopsis of the story ideas I’d like to write)

AM Conversations & YOU&ME ideas:

-oneshots ideas for what happened after the story, before the story, or even in-between chapters in the story. you can send me ANY idea that you would want to read between Liv and Niall or other characters.

-oneshots ideas for any "what if" you can think of (i.e. what if one of them didnt love the other, what if they hadnt seen each other at the bakery, what if Liv had dated Louis, etc)

NEW STORY IDEAS:

NOTES: 

all the ideas are AU. 

 #2 #8 and #9 will include a few of the 1D boys. 

despite the title, #4 is a Niall fic

titles may change

                                   VOTE HERE!!!!

you can also vote by messaging me.

in the form, theres a place for comments but you dont have to leave any

you also dont have to leave your name or anything

thank you if you vote, it means a lot to me!

ill keep this open for a while, until i get enough votes :)

1- UNPREDICTABLE

They haven't seen each other since high school and they hadn't missed each other at all. In fact, they never really could stand each other. Her, a bit of a rebel, listening to punk music, searching for trouble whenever she could... and him, the good boy, popular and loved by everyone, who could rarely be seen without his guitar. It's been a few years already but not many things had changed and they still didn't have anything in common... except one thing. Both of them aspired to become famous with their music. With a twist of fate, they end up in each other's lives again and if they can put aside their resentment for one another, maybe they could bring something incredibly precious to each other. But nothing has ever been uncertain.

This is the story of two opposite persons who share a burning passion that may slowly bring them closer... or make the hatred they already feel for each other even more intense.

2- D.N.A. (daddies now available)

The test was positive. I was pregnant. The problem was, I didn’t know who the father was. It could be my ex boyfriend Liam, his best friend Niall or my best friend Louis. Or maybe it could be that boy I randomly had sex with, Harry... I had no idea and I was not going to find out soon.¸

All I knew was I had to tell four boys that there was a possibility for them to be a daddy in less than a year. Can you just imagine their reaction?

Contrary to all expectations, they accepted their fates.. somehow. And no matter who his daddy was, “little human” was going to get a lot of attention from a lot of men. Exactly like me.

This is my pregnancy story. And it was just the beginning of a long journey.

3- MEANT TO BE

When they first met, Louis was all *MAIN GIRL* ever wanted. However, a decade later the high school sweethearts had change and she felt like most of the sparkles she once had were now gone. Then she met Niall and it clicked instantly and intensely and since then, they’ve been seeing each other in secret, lying to their whole entourage about the nature of their relationship. Feelings started to grow, things started to change, and maybe, just maybe, it’s meant to be. Or maybe not.

A tale of broken hearts, unforgettable love and many… way too many lies.

4- LIVING WITH LOUIS TOMLINSON

Call me Queen Catastrophe. I lost my job, my boyfriend, my best girl friend and my apartment on the same day. Just a little friday afternoon like all the others, right?

Thank god, my best friend Louis was there to save the day. Nothing unusual. I was supposed to crash at his apartment for one night and then walk on my pride and go back to my parents to admit how much of a failure I really am.

However, Louis had other plans : he wanted me to move in with him. That’s when my story really starts. Mutual feelings, drunken sex, grocery shopping, fights that end up with porcelain thrown around the kitchen (I’m an intense person, I know) but most of all, his best guy friend stealing his (our, now) couch at least 5 nights a week.

I despise Niall Horan with all my heart. Him and his stupid charm, his flirty smile and his hands that always ended up in places they shouldn’t. He was threatening to come between Louis and I. He was slowly taking more space in our apartment… and in my heart.

Fuck, I hate Niall Horan with a passion.

5- FOR YOUR LOVE

After months of trying to get pregnant, Niall and his long-time girlfriend found out she was sterile. The news obviously shook their relationship and sparked a few arguments but after a long discussion, they found only one solution : hire a surrogate mother. As days go by, Niall's relationship gets harder and harder to save, and his connection with the surrogate mother of his child becomes tighter. Soon, he gets caught in feelings he can't explain and definitely can't understand. But life is not as easy as just following your feelings.

A story of unsettling feelings, confusing relationships, a deep and strong connection but mostly, decisions impossible to make. Can this really end well?

6- DATING FOR DUMMIES

*MAIN GIRL* has tried blind dates, dating apps, and speed dating to find her soulmate with no good result. Niall has tried pretty much the same without much more success. With all the bizarre, creepy and incompatible persons they meet, they're so close to give up on love until they meet each other through a friend. After a bottle of wine and a long discussion, they start thinking that maybe they were the problem, and that they're too dumb for dating. That's when they decide to make a list of what they individually want and need on a first date and finally decide to try it together. Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and they will both realize that feelings can't be controlled.

When all else fails, the solution will always be to follow your heart.

7- THE BREAK-UP PLAN

*MAIN GIRL* and Niall's relationship had started when they had barely entered their teenager years. Now, over 10 years later, they feel like something is missing. They didn't know anything else besides each other and it had to change. They still planned on spending forever together but their lack of experiences and mistakes seemed to be an obstacle between them.

They agreed on  break that was not really a break. for six whole months, they would be able to do whatever they wanted to do with whoever they wanted to. Going to parties, leaving for a whole weekend with friends without giving any news, dating and even screwing whoever they wanted, nothing was out of reach.

They only had one rule : honesty. Every friday night, they'd meet and spend the whole night together, talking, making out or just cuddling until they'd fall asleep, to make sure their love was preserved.

Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and seeing the person you love the most in the world be happy without you is something almost impossible to accept.

A story about angry tears, painful jealousy, sweet sweet revenge and realizing who your real soulmate is. Watch out, it's gonna hurt.

8- HOT MESS

*MAIN GIRL* has always been a bit of a rebel who didn't really care about much. She just enjoyed life the way she wanted to and never really paid attention to anything else. If she wanted something, she did everything she could to get it, no matter who she'd hurt in the process. After a few years away from her hometown, family and friends, she finally comes back to realize that a lot of things have changed. Jumping in her twin brother Liam's life without being invited, she's about to make a mess of everything he had made so much effort to build by flirting with every single one of his friends without any shame. She's not looking for a relationship, she's just looking to have some fun and break a few hearts... but perhaps, she's about to make a mess of her own heart.

Sometimes, you play the game and some other very rare times, the game plays you.

9- 15 Complicated Rules

I have no idea how I got into this mess but somehow, I ended up with 4 different fuck buddies. I thought I was going crazy until I made a strict schedule of the days and time I would see them, and wrote down a few rules I had to respect myself. A useful guide to manege my 4 fuck friends. Monday for my ex boyfriend, tuesday for my co-worker, wednesday for my old best friend and thursday for a family friend. It could work, right?

I've never been much of an organised person but I honestly thought I could make this work. Everything went as planned for a few months until I broke one rule after the other. That's when I knew I was in deep shit. These are my 15 complicated rules to have fuck buddies. And this is the story of my downfall and the incredible mess I put myself into. After all, rule 15 was 'Never Fall In Love' and I guess that's something I couldn't control, even if I wanted to.

10- DISCONNECTED

When *MAIN GIRL* switches college to finally follow her dreams, she was ready to face anything and everything that would come her way. After all, she had been through so much already, right? The problem was, she didn't expect to be stuck in a room with someone who gets on her last nerves because of a paperwork mistake. Despite trying to find an other place to live or spend her time talking to the administration, she had to face the fact that this situation wouldn't change for a few months. Niall knew how to piss her off and he clearly abused that superpower, doing anything and everything he can to annoy the most pretentious and stuck-up person he had ever met. Perhaps fate is having a good laugh, because they seem to get stuck together way more often than not, but it's not until they let down their defense that they will see who the other really is... if that ever happens.

Apparently, some people are in your life to teach you something and make you grow. Perhaps, if you take the time to listen to them and open up to them, your karmic soulmate can turn into your twin flame... or not.

11- NEW ANGEL

When *MAIN GIRL 1* breaks up with Niall, he takes it harder than he thought he would, realizing in the process all the feelings he had for her. After a few weeks locked by himself in his room, his friends take him out on a crazy night and he decides he needs someone else, if only to get over the girl he loves. That’s when he meets *MAIN GIRL 2* and bring her back home.  However, on the next morning, he realizes he doesn't want her to leave, and that despite the feelings he has for *main girl 1*, he could definitely develop something with *main girl 2*. Everything is going amazingly well for a few weeks until what Niall never thought would happen actually happens : *main girl 1* calls him to tell him she regrets leaving him. Now confused and stressed, Niall is going to have to make a choice between the girl he thought he'd spend his life with, and a girl he just met that makes his heart race. And he's going to get help on his journey from someone he would never have thought of.

A story about making choices, creating connections, messy hearts and confusing emotions.

(i have many ideas for this one but i dont want to give everything away!)

[gstqaobc]

💜💜💜💜PG THOUGHTS AGAIN 💜💜💜💜💜

So we have it, an obvious video of them being together, spouting similar political ideas. The video that I have been asking her for for months and months of video of her and Harry  together well here we have it.They are together, in love, have a baby Archie and a dog Pula running in the background of the lovelyvideo.SSSCCCRRRREEEECCHHHHHHHH SLAM ON YOUR BRAKES !!! First of all, 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣Pula, she is pathetic! The Cambridge family dog is called Lupo!🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Stupid bint cannot even think of an original name for a bloody dog!😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Interesting how they were on a green background. If you know anything about television weather or even CGI in films what is the background what colour is it? I’ll wait I’ll wait you go on think about it Google it do whatever you needed to do, hourglass ⏳ Lala La La La La La La La La La La La La La OK stop it I’ll tell you the colour is GREEN!! So what we had yesterday was a perfect CGI background they even had the dog running across! Behind them! And we had this on my list of available park bench that could be total CGI or a real been one of them sat on I don’t know. She’s floating on it, I’m sorry I’m laughing she’s floating on the bench she’s not really sitting on it at least that’s how it appears to me. We spent 2+ years watching her hang onto him at physically and control every movement he made whether it was with her hand grasp or her hand on his back or whatever here we have another video where they are side-by-side but not touching one another at all! That is to me that is counterintuitive to everything we had seen about how she physically relates to him! Let me say that again that is counter to how we have ever seen 1 million times her conducting herself when she is with him! Even when they are performing official duties She is hanging onto him for dear life whether it’s for 10 inch heels in five sizes too big because she is merching or just her need to physically control him in any environment at any time! That’s the key! That is the key kids! Control! Control and revenge! Her goal is to revenge and cause damage the back result is much more evil and insidious! There is no way on this earth,for this skank of a woman, will I ever to my dying day believe Harry would turn his back on his grandmother and do it as last night a slap in the face by Moaning about how he couldn’t vote in the UK and she basically telling people in America who to vote for! I simply refuse to believe it because it again it’s counterintuitive how we have seen Harry from birth to age 33 until he became involved with this nasty piece of work! Yesterday I saw an interesting piece on the news that was on Tucker Carlson on Fox news and they had a big thing about George Soros and his funding in this election and I’m not going to quote the numbers because I can’t remember but it’s tens of millions of dollars that he has put into the Democrats Joe Biden! I am  going to the Holy Scriptures again because this is where I take all guidance in my life.

KJV Ephesians 6: 12 - 18

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

They are we have it kids!! This is a battle that goes down to good versus evil! The evil is well funded by the father of lies and those who follow him and the backers are those! We are looking at people who want to demolish the monarchy they don’t want Brexit they want the EU and then they eventually want North America and all the other countries to become a one world government. If you read The book of Revelations in the Bible you will see that as well. This is why her Majesty cannot act on a whim. This is why they have been playing the long game! This game is as old as the earth itself! We are not wrestling against flesh and blood but of the flesh and blood that are representatives of the evil! It must be knowledged it is not simple matter of a dopey prince falling in love with some sea hag yachting whore!

Harry spent his whole adult life in the military! He loved serving in Afghanistan he just loved being one of the guys! And you can tell by the Invictus games that he started the passion he has for that for people who served, survived with PTSD and physical injuries! He and William are so close and Catherine they were like the three musketeers! Nothing can come between that except evil. London scoop said someone would fall on their sword and I think it’s Harry quite literally. I will never stop believing in the essence and the truth of who Harry has been and remains to be to this day!

I fully believe that video was CGI with 100%  of my being! Had it been real, do you think they would’ve had Archie there sitting on the bench with them? I mean for goodness sake‘s they had pula running around in the background I’m still laughing at that Pula and Lupo all so Flippin pathetic it’s like a grade 5 Girlfight, copying dog names!Only the consequences are much more much more damaging. I’ve been yammering for months now, Madam show us a video live with you and Harry,  for months! I’ve been saying that! Well here we got it, no Archie but a CGI Harry. So my next request will be all three of you, live tv, being interviewed by Piers Morgan live interview! I just refuse to believe I just refuse to believe here it would be so blatantly blatantly disrespectful to the Her Majesty the Queen! His beloved grandmother! They were so close and they are so close! This is been done for a reason as we all know there’s so much more going on in the background behind this world chaos with the coronavirus with the Black Lives Matter riots with the United States election there’s a whole lot going on behind the scenes that none of us really know and we probably will never know. But I believe Harry to be on the battlefield still I’m not saying that was him in the video, it was CGI. I fear that he may have to literally fall on his sword for his Queen and that we may lose Harry! That is my one of that has been one of my greatest fears and something I have prayed quite a lot about. Harry never spent any time in America except in Vegas when he was partying. Where did he spend most of the time? In  Africa helping being with the locals serving! I’ll stop going on and on and on now! But I will never ever ever stop believing this is an existential fight of God versus Satan! And we all know who is on which side! And if you believe in prayer please pray for our Harry, please pray for Our Queen and all that is good in the world.

Harry, if by chance you read this or hear about it, please know nothing will make me stop believing in you, nothing will stop me believing that you have been serving in a covert overt  role, nothing will convince me that you have turned your back on your family and everything that you hold dear your Queen your country your military peers. Full stop. End of! I will continue to pray for you and please know that there are many who believe in you. We are coming to the I don’t know what word to use the final battle the other combination the climax of this if he will pardon the pun and now is not the time to abandon ship kids now is not the time to abandon ship, we must steady on and stay the course!

💜💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻PG🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜💜

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺 🇳🇿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Welcome to the Back (Part 13)

First Chapter  Previous Chapter  Next Chapter

I said I’d update slower now, ‘cause I want to reduce my phone time. Well. I failed.

- - -

Life was finally going her way again. Lila had known all her research and efforts would pay off in the end, but damn! Was she happy the end was finally here! 

“I don’t get it.”, Alya - poor, stupid Alya - asked her. Lila stood in the middle of the room, clinging to Felix who did a decent job looking fine with it. She hadn’t left him out of her sight the entire morning, except for going to the toilet. “I thought you two didn’t like each other.”

The rest of the class - minus Marinette, who was late again - had gathered around them as well. Lila gave Felix a kiss on the cheek. 

“Do you want to tell them, darling?”

She was the only one to notice how he cringed and leaned away from her touch, he tried hard enough to look happy. Marinette’s future depended on how convincing he was, after all.

“We already met in London, as children.”, he repeated the lie she’d told him earlier. “And we were... friends. That fell in love.”

Geez, for someone this clever he sure was lacking in the acting department.

“It was magical!”, Lila chimed in. “His mother had spotted me in the crowd of one of her shows, and she was so impressed by my looks that she wanted me to model for her. I was paired with him for the shoot and we clicked instantly, didn’t we? As if we were meant to be!”

“Yeah”, Felix choked out, “As if we’re meant to be.”

She laughed and waved her hand through the air.

“We lost each other when I had to move back to Italy, where I lost my memories of him in car accident. But Felix never stopped searching for me, right?”

He nodded.

“Yes, I just... didn’t recognize Lila when we met again, here. She had changed so much.”

“And she changed her name as well?”, Nathaniel doubted with raised eyebrows. She shot him a glare, before smiling brightly again.

“Of course! See, I had turned Queen’s evidence in a case back in Italy, where my testimony helped to bust a dangerous mafia family. The whole ordeal was kept under tight wraps, and I was hiding under a false name in England for a while. For my own safety, I called myself Lara Rouge when Felix and I met.”

She gave Felix a subtle push.

“That’s why I couldn’t find her, after she moved back to Italy when it was safe.”, he forced out. “And why I was so rude to everyone. Because I was”, he gulped, “heartbroken.”

“I only regained my memory yesterday, when Ladybug visited me.”, she hurried to continue. “She used Miraculous Ladybug on me when I told her I had forgotten my time in London, and then my Amnesia was healed! I immediately called Felix to tell him who I was, and now we are a couple again!”

“Wow!”, Mylène gasped. “That’s so romantic!”

The rest of the class seemed to buy it as well. Except Adrien maybe. Some part of him might have realized this couldn’t be true, and maybe he was actually bothered she had replaced him this quickly. But he kept quiet anyway. What choice did he have after all? She almost pitied him.

But alas, she had found someone that was more useful to her, and she didn’t plan on letting Felix go anytime soon. He was hers now. She had won.

As if to sweeten her victory, Dupain-Cheng entered the room.

“Marinette!”, Lila faked a smile. “Have you heard the news already?”

Her smile turned malicious.

“Felix declared his love for me!”

God, she wished she had recorded the look on Marinette’s face. This was just too great!

“W-What?!”

Revenge couldn’t get any sweeter.

“We are in love.”, she repeated. “Felix is my boyfriend now. I’m his girlfriend, the most important person in his life.”

She looked at Felix.

“Aren’t I, Darling?”

He closed his eyes in defeat, but it could be interpreted as devotion so she let it pass.

“Of course, Sweetheart. It’s true, everything you said.”

Marinette was paler than the wall.

“F-Felix, what are you talking about?”

Oh hell yes. She had expected this, anticipated it! And had told Felix exactly what she expected from him, should the moment come. His shoulders dropped. He knew what to do.

“I’m saying that there’s no one I care more about than Lila.”, he said slowly, visibly hoping for any kind of interruption. “Please...”

She shoved him when he trailed off, his next words were especially important. He looked as if he might cry. Drama queen.

“Please don’t make a scene just because you’re jealous!”, he spat out quickly, every word seeming to burn on his tongue. She almost squealed with glee.

As the class fell deadly silent, Marinette took a shocked step backwards. Oh jesus, were those tears in her eyes? And was her lip really trembling?! Lila had to use all of her self control to stop herself from cackling. This was simply delightful! She’d bet that Pigtails regretted trying to expose her now!

“Woah, Felix, what was that supposed to be?!”, Alya snapped and stepped next to her best friend. “Just ‘cause you have feelings for Lila all of a sudden doesn’t mean you get to say stuff like that to Marinette!”

“I’m sorry.”, Felix said sincerely. “That was uncalled for.”

Lila shrugged. It wasn’t necessary to elaborate on the lie of Marinette’s jealousy, and his apology would make him look better. It wouldn’t do for her to have a boyfriend nobody liked, after all. And now that the idea of Marinette being jealous was out in the open, it was going to fester in her classmates minds. Lila didn’t need to do anything, Marinette was going to bring herself down. Her attempts to save Felix would only further the image of her as a crazed stalker.

As for Felix... He didn’t have to like Lila, right now. Sooner or later, he’d get tired of hating her and give her a chance. They were inevitable! She only needed to keep him in line for long enough to let him see that. 

She was ecstatic when she sat down on her seat. Yes, everything was going to be perfect.

Lila was so caught up in her own triumph, she didn’t notice how Marinette gave Felix the tiniest of smirks.

-

They changed the seats, now that Felix was under her thumb. Alya was sent to sit with Marinette in the back, Adrien with Nino, and Felix next to her. She clung to him the entire lesson.

-

She took Felix’ phone. Lila didn’t believe he would text Marinette - any sign that Pigtails knew what was up would result in the video being published! - but better safe than sorry. 

-

She went through Felix’ book again, to see what else he had written since the last time she’d had it. When she found at least a dozen poems that could only be about Marinette, she ripped them out when he wasn’t looking and threw them in the trash, where they belonged. She comforted herself with the knowledge that soon, he’d only be writing about Lila. 

-

She made Alya take a few pictures of her and Felix to put on the Ladyblog. The reporter was delighted to, but had to ask her for her signature first. A ‘Declaration of consent to be published online’ had to be signed so Alya wouldn’t get in trouble, now that Lila was going to be famous. Lila gave it to her happily. It would be the first autograph of many, she knew.

-

She took Felix to the Eiffel Tower, on the date she had planned the very first day. It was perfect, even if the poem she made him write wasn’t as heartfelt as the ones he’d made for Marinette. It was good enough to put on her social media though, where she sent it to everyone in their class. Unfortunately, Marinette wasn’t akumatized when she saw it.

-

She received her invitation to the Awards ceremony at the TV1 tower, and an E-mail from Bordeaux to remind her of their deal. Now was the moment she upheld her end of their bargain and delivered him Felix. She smiled. Time to shine!

-

All participants would be allowed to witness the awards show, as it was the center piece of the contest. They were wasting their time, of course. Officially, there may be a vote, but René had already assured her of her victory. 

She clung to Felix’ arm when they arrived at the tower, waving into the camera’s that flashed. Tomorrow, the news would be full of Felix Leanne’s new girlfriend, diplomat’s daughter and winner of Journalism Junior. She was electrified with anticipation! 

The studio the contest would be filmed in was huge, cameras pointing at the stage from every angle. The participants whose reports had made it into the final selection were guided to the stage, where make-up artists put finishing touches on their assigned student. Lila shooed hers off, knowing she already looked flawless. She’d checked at least a dozen times.

“I’m so exited!”, Alya squealed next to her. The poor girl had no idea she had already lost. “I can’t wait. Hey, Marinette!”

Lila’s stomach turned when Alya waved at the pigtailed brat. Ugh! She had forgotten about that. Everyone who had participated could join the live audience, even if they weren’t published. Damn, why had René forgotten about that? She was sure he’d said Marinette was uninvited!

She inhaled to calm her nerves. It didn’t matter. Yes, Felix as her plus-one was on the other end of the audience, and he had strict orders not to interact with her. Everything was under control. All the better if Marinette was here to witness her soaring victory!

“We’re live in ten seconds!”, Alec Cataldi, the host of the show informed them and looked nervously on his watch. “Where’s Nadja?”

“I’m here!”, Madame Chamack replied swiftly from the other side of the room. She had exchanged a view words with Marinette - Ugh! - and was now racing to the stage. “Ready to go!”

“Alright!”, Alec announces before flashing his brightest grin at the camera. The lights went on.

“Hello and welcome!”, he beamed. “The wait is over; here we are again with this year’s Journalism Junior contest!”

“Over 300 students have sent us their reports.”, Nadja continued. “300 glimpses into the life of Paris’ youth! But only ten of them have been chosen to face the final jury.”

“And that is you! Our amazing viewers from all over France!”

Lila almost yawned while Alec explained the concept in his exaggerated voice. The participants would be introduced and interviewed, then, after the first ad-break, their reports would be shown. The viewers could vote for the report they liked the most, and in the end, the winner would be announced. This year’s price was a backstage ticket for Jagged Stone’s next concert. A perfect chance for Lila to make her lie about knowing him come true.

“Now let’s get started! Who is it whose life you’ll get to know? Any volunteers? Ah, just kidding, you’re all volunteers after all!”, Alec jested when some of their group made a move to step forward. “Hey, how about you?”, he then pointed to Lila, as René had told him to. “The girl with the cute hairdo!”

“Why, thank you, Alec!”, she said in her sweetest voice. “I’m Lila Rossi! My report is called ‘The true secret behind designing’.”

“Secrets, I love it! What did you focus on in your video?”

Lila smiled into the camera.

“The truth!”

Marinette in the last row coughed, and Lila continued.

“My video is supposed to give you a clear and genuine view into my life. At first, I wanted to film my family and all our travels - they are diplomats and ambassadors, you see? Or maybe my wonderful boyfriend, Felix Leanne - Hi, Darling! - but then I thought, instead of showing all the glamor around me, I could show the glamor inside of me. The spark in me I express through my designs!”

The interview went smoothly, and longer than any of the others after her. Bordeaux had made sure she was the center of attention.

Still, she was bored out of her mind as the others hectically introduced themselves before Alec hopped on to the next. It took about 15 minutes, but felt like forever. Finally, Alec turned to the camera again.

“Now, we’re all very excited to see more of our lovely candidates!”

“And we will!”, Nadja chimed in. “Right after the next few ads!”

The spotlights went off and a sigh escaped her. That had gone well! 

“Lila!”, her classmates called from the audience as she walked over. “Here we are!”

Before she knew it, she was surrounded by her groupies again, Felix among them out of necessity. She put on her happiest smile and linked arms with her boyfriend again. Lila loved doing that! Sooner or later, he’d stop flinching away from her.

“You were awesome!”, someone - who cared who it was? - cheered and Lila giggled.

“Oh, thank you! I was really nervous, being the center of attention is always so intimidating! But Felix grounded me, we practiced a lot together.”

She looked on her watch, disappointed that she couldn’t shower in their admiration a little longer.

“Sorry to leave you guys hanging so soon, but we have to go.”, she excused them. “My mother wanted me to give her a call when my report is on, so she can watch it too. She’s with Prince Ali right now, but I’m sure he’ll want to see it too. See you later, guys!”

Not waiting for their reaction, she pulled Felix with her, out of the studio.

“I’m sure he’ll want to see it too!”, Felix mimicked her as soon as they were out of the room. “Seriously?”

“They bought it.”, she shrugged. “It’s not my problem if they don’t have the brains to figure me out. Besides...”

She smiled.

“You did see through me from day one! Now we’re the only ones that know the truth, just the two of us. Kinda romantic, isn’t it?”

His scoff broke her good mood.

“Not really. And Marinette knows it as well, in case you forgot!”

Lila’s face turned sour.

“Just ‘cause she’s a nosy brat doesn’t mean she’s clever.”, she hissed. “Otherwise her future wouldn’t be in my hands, right now, would it?! Now shut up and follow me.”

He didn’t ask where they were going. Smart as he was, he’d likely figured it out already. A bit smarter, and he might finally get Pigtails out of his head! God, she hated that girl. 

Sighing, she pushed up the doors towards an empty room. ‘Jagged Stone’ was written on the tag next to it, since this was the studio he used for music videos. He had filmed in here just a few minutes ago, which is why they had chosen it for their meeting. It was close to the main studio, not accessible to anyone else that might be around, and impossible to prepare with bugs or cameras, since it had been in use the entire time. She wouldn’t put it past Felix to try to record them, but not even he would be able to sneak into this room while Jagged had used it. That, and the fact that she’d had him under her supervision since Monday, calmed her paranoia.

She gave an appreciative nod when she looked around. The room was stuffed with cameras and equipment, and the walls were still covered with black curtains for the background, but that aside, it was empty. No one except her, Felix - and René Bordeaux.

“You’re late.”, he remarked with an arrogant raise of his chin. She sighed.

“We’re here now. As promised.”

She gave Felix a small shove and Bordeaux’s attention shifted to him. A predatory grin spread over his face.

“Ah, my treacherous offspring. It’s been quite the long time, hasn’t it?”

Felix gulped, but his voice was steady when he spoke.

“Not long enough.”

“Careful.”, his father warned, grin widening. “If you forget your manners, I’ll forget my promise to spare your asian little friend. Mademoiselle Rossi here told me all about her.”

“She’s a liar!”, Felix snarled and her shoulders dropped. “I don’t know what she told you, but it’s just a pretty tale! Rossi has never met Jagged Stone, she doesn’t know Prince Ali or Steven Spielberg, and Ladybug hates her guts. Whatever it is she promised you, it’s a lie.”

Lila groaned. Why was he still so hung up about these... details? To their shared surprise, Bordeaux started laughing.

“Oh, Felix, Felix.”, he chuckled. “This just shows how unfit your mother is to raise a child. Stop embarrassing yourself with this idealistic nonsense and get real! That’s how the world runs!”

He gestured through the air.

“People do you favors, you return them; in this case I’ll give Mademoiselle Rossi a lift to popularity. You think I care about some petty lies? Newsflash, boy: The truth doesn’t sell! And once everyone believes her stories, it doesn’t matter whether they’re true or not. I made them reality.”

Felix growled.

“You are despicable.”

“And you a living disappointment.”, Bordeaux snarled back, his grin turning into a furious scowl. “How much time did I waste on raising you ungrateful brat? And you just threw all my lessons away as soon as I was out of the house. You got yourself into this mess, now live with it.”

“I don’t even know what you are talking about!”

“Don’t play even stupider than you are, boy!”, his old man yelled and Lila rolled her eyes. Couldn’t they speed this up a bit? “I’m talking about you going to a public school like a peasant! About you surrounding yourself with penniless scum! About you cozying up to that worthless baker girl!”

“Marinette has more talent than you and Rossi combined!”, Felix shouted. “And both of you know it! Otherwise you wouldn’t have copied her report, and you wouldn’t have cheated her out of the contest!”

“Now, now.”, Lila chimed in before Bordeaux could reply something even nastier. “I don’t want to interrupt this touching father-son reunion, or quality bonding time or whatever, but we don’t have the whole evening.” 

She gave Felix a jealous glare.

“Also, I only copied Dupain-Cheng to spite her, not because she’s that skilled. Geez, if Monsieur Bordeaux hadn’t rigged the vote to let me win, this video would have been a complete failure! I’m doing her a favor, honestly.”

Felix’ eyes seemed to burn holes into her head, but Bordeaux only sighed and regained his composure.

“Oh, whatever. Let’s talk about business, children.”

His faked stage-smile returned.

“Now that young Miss Rossi here has provided me with intel on you, Felix, our time has come. See, not only can I expose this Marina-Girl as a copycat any time, thanks to your girlfriend I also have a steady stream of blackmail material.”

He stared at Felix with an arrogance that made even Lila retch.

“Any disobedience on your side, Felix, will result in immediate consequences for Baker MacDoublename. There’s so much potential for scandals, believe me. If I want to, I can ruin her parents bakery before my first coffee! Or I’ll make her famous as a the shallow user she is, trying to milk the children of rich and noble families like ours or the Agreste’s for fame! Or I’ll-“

“We get the picture.”, Lila hurried him. His monologues were even worse than Hawkmoth’s, for god’s sake! Bordeaux cleated his throat.

“Yes, well. You get the picture.”, he repeated.

“And what do you want me to do?”, Felix hissed. “Play model son? Let you use me for attention to your pathetic shows?”

“Felix, don’t be so rude.”, she scolded him with a pout. “It’s for your own good-“

“You can tell this bullshit to Agreste, Rossi. He might be stupid enough to believe it.”

She crossed her arms, insulted. He just wouldn’t listen to her!

“Adrien doesn’t believe it.”, she said, just to correct him on something. She hated his self-righteousness. “He’s just smart enough to enable it. He knew from day one, and keeping quiet didn’t do him any harm, did it?”

“I don’t even care what you are talking about.”, Bordeaux snapped. “Shut up, both of you! The adult speaks now.”

Lila huffed, but let him have his way. He was just a means to an end.

Satisfied, Bordeaux looked back to Felix, leaning down to his angry spawn.

“You will help me get custody of your ungrateful self!”, he ordered, emphasizing every syllable. “The judge will respect your wishes, and that spineless Evelyn as well. She’ll know something’s up, and when I threaten her with restraining orders - Karma is a bitch! - she’ll have no choice but to annul the divorce if she wants to keep seeing you. That way, I’ll set our family on the right path again.”

He grinned smugly, likely expecting some sort of applause for the plan Lila had thought of. She sighed and put on another smile.

“Very thoughtful, Monsieur.”

“Isn’t it?”, he fished for praise, an eager smirk on his face. It vanished when Felix let out a sigh. No angry, frustrated sigh. No, it sounded relieved. 

“There’s just one problem.”, he said with a wide smile. His entire posture changed from aggressive, helpless to confident and calm. Lila’s stomach twisted in panic. “That’s not going to happen.”

Both Lila and Bordeaux flinched when a slow, clapping sound echoed through the room and the curtains lifted, revealing Marinette.

“Excellent, excellent! An Oscar for Felix Leanne, please!”, she exclaimed cheerfully, the beret she’d made in her video on her head. “And cut!”

The remaining curtains went up as well and Lila whimpered in shock. There, at the wall and with faces varying from angry to triumphant, stood her classmates, Jagged Stone, and Nadja Chamack with her entire camera team.

“You were right about one thing.”, Felix said smugly and patted his father on the back, who was frozen in fear. “Karma really is a bitch.”

- - -

Ya wanna know how they did it? Stay tuned for Part 14!

[disneydreamlights]

Across the Stars: Chapter 1

AO3 | FFN

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

Summary: Tensions between the Separatists and the Republic are climbing as the Senate debates whether there is need for an army. Anakin Skywalker, Senator of Tatooine, has recently returned to Coruscant to speak against its formation, resulting in an assassination attempt that forces him to reunite with long time friends Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and the newly knighted Padme Naberrie for his own protection. [Anidala]

(Or, an Attack of the Clones Roleswap AU)

A/N: What’s this? I’m publishing a multi chapter that’s actually a part of a series? Yes, yes I am. Updates should come every Wednesday since I actually completed this one before getting the genius idea to post it. After that it’ll just be whenever I finish another fic for it will be when the next one is posted. 

The air around Anakin felt charged as he worked on piloting it down for a landing. Normally, he was eager to return to Coruscant after a few days away from the capital planet, Tatooine still far from his favorite planet (though it got better every day. He was proud of Beru for all the help she provided, and he was doing a lot of effort on his own since he’d been voted into the Senate) but tonight was different. The air around the city had felt tense, prompting Anakin to be glad of his decision to fly a small, inconspicuous ship down to the planet. Somebody was after him, he just wasn’t really sure why.

He felt a flash of something, a warning in the air to be careful and wary. He closed his eyes, trying to remember what Obi-Wan and Padmé had taught him years ago, and immediately turned the steering wheel, rolling out of the way of a projectile that had nearly caught his ship. That would’ve grounded it instantly. “Kriff.”

He heard the beeping of his Astromech companion and security detail, yelling at him for his risky flying. “Come on Artoo, we’re fine.” More angry beeps. “I didn’t get hit.”

More beeps, this time sarcastic and irritated from Artoo. “If you’re just going to try to yell at me, be useful and call Mom.”

A holographic projection of his mother appeared moments later. “What is it Ani?”

“You’re already landed, right?”

“Ani?”

“Mom please.” He felt it again, the same disturbance, and this time swerved out of the way of the second attack.

Shmi Skywalker shook her head. “Of course we have, the last person on the cruiser just disembarked. Is something wrong?”

Well, if he was honest, he wanted to say everything was wrong. But he wasn’t about to worry her, plus it wasn’t like he didn’t have things under control in regards to whoever was firing at him. “I think somebody let slip that I wasn’t flying in with the rest of the delegation from Tatooine. I’ve got the situation under control and I have Artoo with me, so I’m fine. We’ll still be landing soon.”

“You ask me not to be worried, but it’s never easy.”

Anakin chuckled. “I promise I’m fine mom. Leave the worrying to Threepio. He’s always been better at it. Just make sure to clear the landing platform. If this goes wrong I don’t want our friend hurting anybody else.” Before she could respond, he hung up, not wanting to worry his mom more in case another attack came. “Ready Artoo? Time to make a landing.”

He was pretty sure R2 was ready to kill him by the time they finally touched down on the platform as he approached rapidly, wanting to avoid a third fire from their mysterious and very murderous new friend. In fact, he wanted to make sure he wasn’t in the ship at all as the bad energy continued to flow around him. “Artoo, let’s go.”

The droid and Anakin emerged from the ship, Anakin pulling up a hood on his cloak to hopefully avoid detection from whatever assassin has his trail. Barely a minute after he was off the ship and approaching the entrance to the building, he was pushed forward, scarcely out of the blast radius with his faithful droid. And he looked behind himself to see the small ship that he had arrived on was absolutely destroyed. “Message received.”

Somebody didn’t want him on Coruscant.

They’d regret trying to get him to leave.

-x-

“Peace is our objective here, not war.” Palpatine’s voice pulled Anakin out of the stupor he’d fallen into as the senator from Malastare concluded his request for aid from the Republic to deal with the Separatist threat coming onto the planet. If he was honest, had the senator not been pushing for the Military Creation Act, Anakin might have felt sympathy, but the creation of an army was not an action Anakin would ever defend. Not one founded on individuals forced to join an army.

He felt his mom squeeze his hand, though she stepped back before he moved the pod out, not wanting the attention on her, but rather on everything Anakin would say. “My fellow senators, when I arrived on Coruscant today to come to this very meeting, an assassin made an attempt on my life. I was fired at three times, and while my skills behind the wheel of a ship saved my life today, had the assassin only been slightly quicker on the uptake when I landed, it’s likely I wouldn’t have made it off the ship alive at all.”

The crowds started to talk amongst themselves, a sign to Anakin that he needed to push. “The reason I was targeted today was because of the bill we’re supposed to be voting on today. Of all the senators against the creation of the creation of an army, I’ve been the loudest, most open about my displeasure, and the one who everybody knows is willing to do anything to get the results I want. Somebody here wants to take that a step further, just to make sure that the bill gets through.” He looked over the other pods, and felt Bail’s approval much to his relief. The speech hadn’t been gone over or discussed with his former mentor, and Anakin had been slightly worried that bringing it up in the Senate would be unwelcome, but it seemed to have been a good idea, even if no prior words had been drafted.

Despite the approval from Bail, the Senate was getting tense, and shouting was beginning. “Ani–” His mom put her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. He had to make his statement clear to the others.

“You’re all booing me, and for what? This whole idea is a joke. You don’t raise an army for protection. You raise an army if you want to start a war. It won’t deter the Separatists. It will embolden them, and then the fighting will be brought right to our planets. Our systems. Our people. You have to stop living in your delusions.” He slammed his fist on the pod in front of him. Not his best move, but far from his worst in the Senate. “People will die. Civilians drafted for combat will die. The people you force to fight this battle will be nothing but slaves.”

He had people’s attention, and their ire judging by the ever increasing yelling from the other pods. Which was good, it was what he wanted from the other senators. He wanted them to remember his words. “This ‘security measure,’” he said the words full of disdain, “that we’re all voting for is nothing short of a declaration of war on the Separatists, and unless you want to claim that you were the one who brought war to the Republic, you’ll vote with me against this bill.”

The outrage in the Senate was tremendous, but Anakin smirked, having done his job at riling up the chambers. Voices rang against each other as Mas Amedda called for order within the Senate to try to regain a semblance of control amongst the Senators.

After a few minutes, the Senate calmed down, and Palpatine spoke. “Due to the lateness of the hour and the seriousness of this motion, we will take up these matters tomorrow. Until then, the Senate is adjourned.”

-x-

Unsurprisingly, within an hour the Loyalist Committee was summoned to the Chancellor's office. Not a surprise, if Anakin was honest. He’d stirred up a storm in the Senate and even if Palpatine wasn’t mad at him (unlikely) the announcement that he’d nearly been a victim to an assassination attempt less than an hour ago was likely not welcome for him to hear, especially since Palpatine had been trying to get Anakin’s favor since he’d arrived on Coruscant five years prior.

Much more surprising to Anakin, was the presence of several Jedi in his office. Council members, if he recalled the faces correctly. He looked them over for Obi-Wan or Padmé in their midst, and quickly squashed down his disappointment at neither of his friends being present. “Senator Skywalker.” He looked down to see Yoda walking over. “Your tragedy on the landing platform, terrible. Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart.”

“Thank you, Master Yoda. I’m just thankful I’d chosen to fly myself into Coruscant. The loss of life had I been on a transport with the rest of the members of my delegation would have been much greater.” Admittedly, a small part of Anakin still stung with resentment over the fact that Yoda refused to accept him into the Jedi Order, but he had mostly put it behind him. “Do you have any idea who may have sent the assassin?”

Windu approached as well, joining the conversation. “Our intelligence network thinks it may have been remnants from Jabba’s gang seeking revenge against you from when you overthrew them and brought Tatooine into the Republic.”

Anakin shook his head. “I think you’re wrong, Master Jedi.” He watched Windu raise an eyebrow and took it as a sign to continue. “I think the Separatists are behind these attacks.”

The room was silent, as though they were processing what Anakin had said. He didn’t blame them. Accusing the Separatists of wanting to kill the single person who was actively against the formation of a military against them wasn’t logical. But every part of Anakin just knew it was right.

“You mean to imply Count Dooku?” Windu asked, clearly skeptical of Anakin’s accusation.

“Not one hundred percent, but nobody else in his Confederacy would have the means or motive.” Or motive. He thought of Senator Bonterri for a moment. Onderon was a member of the Separatist movement, but she was certainly unlikely to try to level an attack on him given how closely they had worked when he’d been a teenager running around the Senate floor. He had little doubt the other senators who had left would be similar. Almost no other member of their group would have an interest in killing him if his hunch was correct.

“Count Dooku is a political idealist, not a murderer.” Master Mundi corrected Anakin, but he said nothing, letting the Jedi have their say.

“He was also once a Jedi, Senator. He couldn’t assassinate anyone. It’s not in his character.”

“Once.” Anakin frowned at Windu’s defense. “As in he’s not a Jedi any longer. There’s no reason to believe he would still hold to Jedi beliefs, and even then, I’m not arguing that he’s the killer, only that he hired one out.”

Before Windu could respond, Yoda spoke up. “Matters not, the killer’s identity does. For certain Senator in grave danger you are.”

“Master Jedi.” Palpatine looked away from the window he had been near to give a kind smile to Anakin, as though he truly wanted to protect him. “May I suggest the Senator be placed under the protection of your graces.”

“You really think that’s a wise decision under these stressful times.” Bail spoke up, and he was right, the Jedi council didn’t need to spare anymore Jedi from whatever peace keeping mission they were on.

“Chancellor, with all do respect, I don’t need protecting, I can handle myself–”

“I’m sure you can, Senator.” The Chancellor cut him off. “I know you are a great pilot, and have a lucky streak, but the situation right now is dire. I understand that you do not want the help of the Jedi, but perhaps you might be willing to accept the extra security if it were Jedi you were familiar with. Perhaps an old friend like Master Kenobi, or Knight Naberrie.”

Anakin clenched his hands into fists, feeling his nails dig into the palms of his hand. He desperately wanted to see Obi-Wan and Padmé again, that much was true, but he having his friendship with them used as a weapon against him soured his mood for a possible reunion, which further sank as Windu revealed that the two had just returned from a border dispute.

“Please, Anakin. You know how much I’ve desired to look out for you since you asked for our help. Allow me to arrange this one thing for you, my boy.” There was nothing more he could do with Palpatine’s plea like that, and while Anakin was sure there was some ulterior motive to what was going on, he had his hands tied.

With nothing else he could do, Anakin turned to face Windu. “Tell Obi-Wan and Padmé I’ll be in my apartment, and that I look forward to seeing them again.”

It wasn’t until he left the office that he smiled as he realized just exactly who he was seeing again.

[Next Part]

[bellamyblake]

major whump prompt if you're still taking. clarke finding out what happened in the cave in 3x10 and taking care of bellamy (soft bellarke is galaxy heart)

Okay, this got kind of long (3k) and I am not sure it’s as soft as it is…painful. But I hope also a little soft? Also it got very anti O.ctavia so please if you don’t want to read about that, don’t even start this.

Also I later realized this could be seen as a ‘before’ fic to the one I posted recently about him being punished from the council after the whole Pike thing.

Hope you won’t hate it, nonnie.

She finds them all back in the cave after Pike had been already arrested and taken by the grounders. 

They were taking a day to regroup and gather their strength before returning to camp when she stumbles upon them using the radio that her mom gave her back at Polis as a precaution and Kane miraculously answers her, directing her towards the right place.

She’s surprised to find Bellamy there too but what takes her aback even more is that he’s chained and his face is beaten to a pulp. 

There are cuts oozing from every part of him-his cheeks, his chin, his nose was certainly broken judging by the way it was so awfully crooked, there was even a gash on his forehead and his entire face was swollen and bruised.

It took her a minute outside with Miller to find out what has happened-the gruesome way Lincoln was killed by Pike and how when they came back with Octavia, Kane and Sinclair she beat the shit out of Bellamy.

And he let her.

“You didn’t stop her?” Clarke snaps at him “You didn’t think she’s only doing this to pour her anger out at him even though from what you’re telling me, he tried to help her before head and she chained him in a fucking cave?”

“We did try to stop her! You don’t understand, she pushed us away-”

“You outnumber her, you could’ve easily overpowered her.”

“Kane tried, so did I, but Bellamy, he wouldn’t let us help. He told us this is between them and we should just let her….do it.”

“Of course he’d tell you that, can’t you see what happened? He wanted her to take it out on him because he felt guilty.”

“Yeah and I know you care about him Clarke, but he is.” Kane joins in on their conversation probably upon hearing the commotion outside. His arms are crossed over his chest and he’s staring ahead angrily. 

“But he is guilty.” she shivers at that and throws her arms in the air frustrated “If he hadn’t helped Pike-”

“He did it because he believed it was the right thing. That doesn’t mean you could let his sister beat the crap out of him while you idly stand by and watch her!”

“We couldn’t stop her, she’s strong, you know that.”

“Bullshit! You’re telling me you, Sinclair, Miller and Harper, who are guards by the way couldn’t overpower one girl?” she stands before him and comes so close they are breathing in each other’s faces. 

Kane’s face falls with guilt if even for a moment. Maybe she should take that as a win but she’s just so pissed off that she can’t. 

“Or maybe that’s just it…you didn’t want to stop her. You wanted to punish him.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why is he still chained?”

“Because he is the enemy!” Kane yells back and that makes her laugh bitterly.

“To who? Pike’s gone, the camp is back in your and mom’s hands. You can become a chancellor now legally if we count all the votes from the last election, so what can one broken beaten up to a pulp boy with PTSD do?” she corners him.

“You haven’t been here, Clarke. You don’t know who he is.” Miller adds in a weak attempt to back Kane who opens his mouth to add something else but Clarke interrupts him

“That’s not true. I’m the only one who ever knew the kind of man Bellamy is and who he can be.”

“Clarke-”

“And that’s not the monster you’re making him out to be. Yes, he made a mistake but did he try to save Lincoln? Was he not the person who helped you catch Pike?”

Kane runs his hand through his curls and sighs.

“He is.”

“Then untie him.”

“No!” the older man cuts her off and by the way he says it she knows he won’t cave now “He might’ve tried to redeem himself but he still supported Pike’s coup and he still went out there and massacred an army. He has to pay for what he’s done.”

“So what? You’ll drag him back to camp and put him in a cell until you figure out what to do with him.”

“I think judging by his condition and his sister’s behavior that would be the best for us all.”

“You mean so you don’t have to feel guilty if she beats the shit out of him again while you stand by and watch.”

“Clarke-”

“I’m through with you, Kane.” she huffs out “If you won’t untie him, let me at least treat his wounds.”

Kane sighs but relents and gives her a light nod. She’s about to move away and head to the cave when he grabs her elbow and pulls her back.

“Don’t spend all our bandages on him. We don’t have enough as it is.” that gets her even more angry. 

Apparently, they may have left the Ark, but the Ark’s rules haven’t abandoned them and their way of behaving. 

One life still mattered more than another and Bellamy’s hasn’t mean much to the council back in the sky either. 

Obviously, no matter what he’s done to save the kids or help the camp, wasn’t enough to make him worth fighting for.

Well, not to her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll use my things.”

“And, Clarke-” Kane tightly wraps his fingers around her arm once more, as if desperate to reiterate his thoughts “He’s dangerous, so be careful.”

“No, he’s not!” she pulls her hand away “You are.”

With that she rushes back in and looks for her bags, searching for the clean patch of bandages she had and the satchels of herbs and seaweed paste that she’ll need. 

Octavia’s by the fire, angrily staring at it while dragging her knife through a stick, trying to sharpen it for whatever reason, probably just to find something to pour some of her desperation onto. 

Clarke wants to feel bad for her, she does, but one glance at Bellamy who stood curled up on his own in the corner with his back to them, made her fume with anger.

“You don’t care to check how your brother is?” Clarke can’t help but ask. That makes Octavia tense if just for a second before she spits out.

“What brother?” loud enough so that Bellamy can hear her. 

Clarke sees him shivering when she approaches him far away from the others so that they have some privacy but still not really separated from them.

She circles around and kneels beside him putting out her things.

“Hey.” she greets him and when he looks up from where his head is buried in his knees and meets her eyes, she wants to cry.

She’s seen him in pain before.

But she’s never seen him that broken. 

Not back in the forest during their day trip, not even after the mountain. 

There was nothing but sadness and complete and utter devastation but also…guilt. 

There was this glimmer of self-hatred that burned brighter than the fire his sister was sitting by, stronger than her own anger.

He’s shivering and badly, she has no idea how long they’ve left him out here for but he must’ve slept curled up on his own and away from the fire for more than one day if what Miller told her was true.

“I need to clean your face, okay?”

“Why?” he asks after a beat when she’s dabbing some clean rags in water, deciding to start wiping the blood away first so she could deal with all the cuts.

“Because they’ll get infected if they aren’t already.”

He reaches to touch her hand but something makes him change his mind and all he ends up doing is let his fingers graze hers for a brief moment that feel like shock lashes against her skin.

“Why?” he asks once more, this time eyebrows furrowed in confusion, lips tightly pressed against one another. 

She notices some bruises around his neck too. 

Did she try to choke him as well or was that a result of another injury?

Clarke reaches out and takes his hand in hers.

“Because it’s you and me.” she says fervently “Always.” his eyes fill with tears and he looks away, ashamed of having been offered something he doesn’t think he deserves. 

If he wasn’t that hurt, she’d kick his ass and force him to say that he matters despite what the world thinks, but maybe in another time, a few weeks or months down the road, she can convince him of it. 

“Now please sit back and lean on the rock so I can take a look at your face.”

He complies. It’s a little hard with his hands chained to the right, he can’t fully turn over so she can use the light of the fire to inspect the wounds because the chains are twisting his hands back in another direction.

Still he manages somehow and she asks him to close his eyes which proves to be the right move when he has to suck in her own breath and try to keep it together once she starts cleaning all the blood and grime away from him. 

Once she has, she can’t tell what is where-his cheeks are maimed by long crescent cuts, his freckles that she used to get lost into, can’t be made out between all the bruises and the blood. 

Some of them are already infected, oozing yellow. Some start to bleed again when she tries cleaning them and ends up staining his face again which frustrates her. 

She’s so lost in her work and anger that she misses the fact that he’s scared shitless of having her there. 

It takes her a moment to realize his breaths come out short and panicked that he’s basically heaving and he’s bawled his chained hands into fists to try and keep it together.

He’s scared of her touch because the last time someone touched him, they beat the crap out of him and it wasn’t someone he didn’t know, it wasn’t a grounder who wanted revenge or a soldier he had to fight….it was his own sister. 

Someone he trusted and loved.

Clarke was someone he trusted too.

But that didn’t mean he was safe. Or so his brain told him.

Fuck, Clarke thought, stopping her actions for a moment and dropping the rag she was holding to cup his cheek.

“Hey.” she calls him again but he doesn’t open his eyes at that, on the contrary, he just squeezes them harder. “Bellamy, look at me.”

“I…can’t.”

“It’s me. I won’t do anything to you okay? I just want to help. You don’t have to be scared.”

He shakes his head in her hands and she relents as her own tears gather in her eyes.

He must be reliving it all, that exact moment where Octavia rushed in here and started beating him.

“I can’t.” he utters through teeth and she rubs her thumbs under his eyes soothingly just when another cut decides to reopen and stain her fingers and his cheek red.

It’s like whenever you touched him, he bled pain and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop it. 

She couldn’t prevent the sadness from spilling out of him, covering every inch of his body.

“That’s okay. It’s fine, just breathe with me alright? Let’s do it together.” she asks and he tries to comply but she notices that when he tries to take a deep breath…he literally can’t. 

His chest heaves, as if it jumps with pain and he sucks in a short one before letting out, all the while wincing at the motion.

“It hurts.” he manages in a whisper and she realizes why it does.

Her hand falls to the hem of his shirt and pulls it up only to reveal his blue and purple ribs.

Octavia didn’t just hit his face.

She kicked him too.

Damn it.

He shivers when her fingers graze over the tender spot and she finds his skin ice cold.

So he wasn’t shivering just because he was having a panic attack then. He was literally freezing.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I know it hurts, I just need to find out how bad it is, okay?” he nods, eyes still closed as she treads her fingers over his strong but really bruised side.  

“I need you to take a few deep breaths for me. Can you do that?”

“Yeah…yeah.” he promises with a weak smile and complies. When she’s done she drops his shirt back and pulls his jacket tightly around him though it’d do nothing to warm him up.

“You have one broken rib. The others are bruised.” she informs him as she goes back to fixing his face trying to tame her anger from finding how wrecked his body really was after Octavia raised her hand on him.

He opens his eyes to meet hers when she gets back on cleaning them up and when he does, there are still tears there though she doesn’t know if it’s from the physical or emotional pain.

At some point after she fixes his broken nose as best as she can, she notices him swallowing painfully and opening his mouth to help his breathing but not before leaning back on the wall. 

She decides to give him a moment of rest before she resumes her work.

“Are you thirsty?” he looks down at the ground and doesn’t say anything but gives her a simple shrug. 

She reaches for her water satchel and helps him move his head up and take a few sips eagerly. 

“When was the last time they gave you water?”

He shrugs again and stares at her hands before she moves to give him some more. He drowns it down eagerly and stops himself before he finishes it off, probably worried she’ll need it too.

She presses it back to his lips.

“I have enough, I promise.”

“It’s okay” he mumbles and she doesn’t want to fight him on it so she just kneels and picks up some dry apples and fruit from her bag.

“Have you eaten anything?” he shakes his head at that, still staring at his hands.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Have they not given you food?” she raises her voice and the talk around the fire where everyone else have gathered again quiets down at her anger. 

Clarke ignores them but he doesn’t-his eyes slide to the place where his sister sits, now half turned to him, eyes shooting daggers. 

He looks away before meeting Clarke’s eyes once more.

“Clarke…don’t.” he begs and she sighs realizing that this is only making it worse for him so instead she moves to his left, so that her back is shielding him from other prying eyes and pushes some apple in his hands.

“Eat.” she orders.

“You won’t let me get away with it, will you?” he asks quietly and its her turn to shake her head.

“No.” he smiles sadly and brings his tied hands up to his mouth, munching down on the pieces she gave him while she takes out more bandages to use later to wrap around his ribs as well as some sea weed paste. 

After, she digs out a small piece of bread and he tries to fight her on taking it so to make him eat even a bit, she splits it in two and they share it.

“Why are you helping me?” he asks again “I killed Lincoln.”

“No you didn’t.” she cuts him off “And I told you why already.”

“Not directly but I-” he continues ignoring the last part of her statement.

“I don’t give a damn what you did, Bellamy, you shouldn’t be tied to a cave and beaten up like a pulp no matter what happened. You made a mistake and you tried to fix it, you helped us catch Pike, you tried to save Lincoln. What your sister did is not what you deserve.”

“But it is.” he says sadly.

“He’s right.” Octavia chimes in from the fire obviously having been eavesdropping on their conversation “In fact, he deserves to die. It’s too bad I can’t kill him.”

Clarke turns back to her, moving closer to Bellamy so that she keeps shielding him from the others.

“Shut up, Octavia.”

“He doesn’t get to play the martyr, not after what he did.” she raises her voice and when Clarke looks back at him, she can see he’s squeezing his eyes again and shivering badly.

Another attack.

Clarke reaches for his face again, cupping his cheeks as painful as that might’ve been for him.

“Don’t listen to her. Focus on me, okay?” she begs of him and he tries to control his breathing while Octavia keeps raging behind them, chopping branches and throwing them in the fire with fever. 

Clarke wondered what would happen if she wasn’t there.

Would she beat him up again?

A beat. And then another thought shakes her to the core.

Had she laid her hand on him after that first fight?

“Hey, here, you can help me-” she decides to give him something to do and what better way to make him focus on something that convince him it could help someone else. “Hold the clean bandages for me alright? You’ll assist me.”

He nods but his eyes keep moving somewhere behind her, watching his sister. He shivers whenever she picks a branch.

“Look at me, Bellamy. Me, okay?” she says, taking his chin and forcing his eyes back on her. “You and I, we’re the only people in this cave, okay? There’s no one else.”

With trembling fingers he helps her pass over the things she needs to finish cleaning his cuts all the while Octavia doesn’t shut up behind them and no one else says anything.

Suddenly, Clarke can so clearly picture them all standing quietly behind while she beat him up to a pulp.

“The one good thing I had going and you had to go out there and fuck it up. You just couldn’t take it, could you? But then again you’ve always been selfish, ever since you were a kid.” 

That’s the tip of the glass for her and Clarke drops the gauze she’s holding before turning around and striding to Octavia.

She grabs her by the collar and fists her jacket in her hands. Octavia tries to fight her, push her away but Clarke’s strong and the others, Miller, Kane, Harper, they all jump from their seats.

“Now they do.” Clarke thinks and it makes her even more angry.

She shakes Octavia a bit before speaking up slowly and quietly.

“I’ve had enough of you. You either shut up right now and take your anger outside or-”

“Or what?” Octavia smiles at her “What will you do, Wanheda?”

“Don’t tempt me!” she hisses in her face and makes sure Octavia looks into her eyes and sees exactly how much she means what she just said.

 “You beat your own brother up, I won’t hesitate to bring it to justice.”

She lets go of her and thinks that Octavia will actually try and fight her but instead she just stands there and breathes heavily, contemplating on what to do.

“She’s right, Octavia. Take a walk.” Kane joins in but it’s another minute before the younger Blake finally huffs annoyed and strides outside with her sword strapped to her back.

Clarke turns around and throws them all a look of disgust.

“Wasn’t so hard now, was it?” and that makes them all look down ashamed.

Good, Clarke thinks. They should be ashamed.

She goes back to Bellamy who’s started shivering worse since she left him but she simply cups his cheek and gives him a soft smile.

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m almost done and then you can rest, okay?” he doesn’t nod or say anything back but he calms down when she goes back to patching up his cuts.

After, she moves to his ribs which are a little harder to fix when his wrists are tied up together. 

She tries to make Kane take them off but he won’t hear a word about it, so she works around that as best as she can. 

Finally, she moves to his wrists that are also bleeding from him struggling against the chains for so long. 

They’re ugly and infected and he tries very hard not to cry out when she cleans them up. 

She can sense it’s a lot for him but he takes it, he takes on the pain because he thinks he deserves it.

She can’t wrap them up, not with the chains still there, but at least she cleans them. 

When she’s done, she takes out the two blankets she was carrying with herself and throws one over his back before sitting next to him and putting the other over their legs.

“What are you doing?” he asks in a whisper. “You’ll freeze out here. Go back to the fire.”

“No.”

“Clarke-”

“I said no, Bellamy, so don’t even try it.” she presses her arm against his and adjusts the blanket. 

He’s breathing heavily next to her, his arms tied up between his hands. He could never lay down and actually sleep, the chains prevented him from that, but she’d make sure he wasn’t going to die out of exposure. 

It takes them a moment to find the most comfortable position and they slump against each other before Clarke closes her eyes and drifts off.

She wakes up hours later from his shaking and his quiet frantic mumbling. 

It takes her a moment to realize he’s having a nightmare, begging his sister for forgiveness. 

She touches his face and finds it burning, curses quietly and tries to wake him but even when his eyes snap open, there’s no recognition in them.

She moves closer to him and pulls his head to her chest so that he’s half lying on her chest while his arms were being pulled in the opposite direction. 

It wasn’t comfortable but it seemed to somewhat help him.

Her hands roam all over his face and hair. She swipes the curls away from his sweaty burning forehead and helps him take a few sips of water while he keeps shivering in her arms.

At some point he looks up at her and mumbles through trembling lips.

“What…happened to us…Clarke?” he asks quietly.

“I don’t know, Bell.”

“Why is there so much pain?”

The tears gather in her eyes and spill before she can stop them. 

“I don’t know.” her own voice breaks as she repeats her previous answer and leans closer to his face, kissing his forehead gently.

He finds her hand with his tied ones and holds it between his big cold fingers, squeezing it tight for a brief moment.

Bellamy never used to be cold.

“Want to know a secret?” he asks looking up at her “Sometimes I wish I died in that mountain.”

She runs his fingers through his curls and closes her eyes as she feels her own tears spill down her cheeks before she speaks up her own honest truth.

“So do I.”

In the morning when the others wake her up with their chatter, she looks down and finds her hands still cupping his cheeks, except now they’re covered in blood from all the cuts he reopened when he tossed and turned in his sleep and she has to bite her lips to prevent herself from crying again.

She picks up another clean rag and dabs it in water and moonshine, cleaning up her fingers and then pressing it to his face.

No matter what, she decides, she’ll never get tired of doing that.

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 55: Return to the Cave of Doom Part 3 - The Defile of Tragedy

Going with the third part of this story that will serve as finale for the season two of this fanfic inspired on Sanders Sides, by Thomas Sanders and Joan S. And before we get into it, one warning. We're getting into one of those angstier episodes were one of the characters in the story is gonna pass away. So expect a lot of angst in this entry of the story. Next entry, by the way, will be the final conclusion of this season. I hope you're enjoying this finale and without further ado, let's get into the story. Until next time.

SYNOPSIS: The gang decides to go to the way the had chosen, through a dangerous defile where they will be unprotected and more vulnerable. Twelve people, including humans, Sides and ghouls, are going to enter it, but they are all very conscious that not all of these 12 will probably make it to the other side... alive.

WARNINGS: Death of a character, therefore lots of angst; romantic moments between Thomas and Nico.

EPISODE INDEX

[Roman’s voice is heard narrating as flashback scenes from the previous episode are shown]

ROMAN: After the tough experience in the Core, we finally were ready to enter the Cave of Doom. However before we could do that, we had to convince Vertigo that it would be safe to enter, as he tried everything he could to delay us, including inducing a state of vertigo into Nico, who got really sick, all because he feared that as soon as we opened the door, he would turn back into Paranoia’s puppet. We finally convinced him that wouldn’t be the case and so we entered the cave. But when we were in our way, we suddenly encountered a rock slide that blocked our way. Virgil told us that there were two alternate routes. One of them was safe, but so long that it would leave us with a very little margin of time to rescue Dillon once we got to the castle. The other route was faster, but much more dangerous as it involved crossing a defile surrounded by two deep pits where we would be almost defenseless against an ambush. We decided to make a choice democratically, and so everyone of us voted which way we wanted to go. But still, there was a tie in the voting, so Nico proposed to draw the result, as there was an equal number of ballots for each option. And so, he picked one of the ballots and he ultimately chose Remus’ ballot, where he voted for going to the defile. How we knew it was Remus’ ballot if the votes were secret? Well, who else would have drawn that obscenity in the ballot just to piss us. No, don’t ask me, I won’t show you that drawing, not even on flashback. The point is that Lady Luck had decided that we should go through the defile, and so we headed our way in that direction.

[intro sequence]

[Thomas and his friends keep walking down the gallery Virgil is guiding them through]

THOMAS: So far, this gallery seems to be quite long, Virgil. Are you sure you didn’t get the long way by mistake?

VIRGIL: Trust me, Thomas. If this way seems long to you, imagine how long the other way was.

THOMAS: … Okay…

[then the gallery slowly goes flat and the walls start getting more far away from each other as they walk]

REJECTION: The gallery is widening. Does that mean that…?

VIRGIL: Yes, we’re approaching the defile. Keep your eyes open now, guys.

[finally, they enter a huge cavern. The ground under their feet turns into a defile where only one person fits, and they can’t see the bottom of the pits on both sides of the defile. Far away on the walls, several meters away from the defile, there are holes, or windows, that seem to communicate with galleries behind them]

JANUS: You were quite right, Virgil. This place is perfect for an ambush. They could attack us with all kinds of projectiles from these windows on the walls. I’m not sure if we made the right choice, guys. Going this way seems suicidal to me, we’re too exposed and almost unable to defend ourselves.

THOMAS: Maybe so… but the choice has been made. We can’t turn back now, we wouldn’t arrive in time to save Dillon. We need to cross this defile and hope for the best.

JANUS: Okay, if we’re doing this, Thomas and Nico, you two must walk together. The rest of us will be ahead or behind you, just in case.

VIRGIL: I doubt that would work for anything as the danger comes from the sides not from the front or the back.

JANUS: At least we’ll have the front and the back covered in case they decided to enter the defile by foot. We’ll still be unprotected from the sides, but the front and the back won’t be unprotected anymore.

VIRGIL: Okay, you may have a point.

[the gang places themselves as Janus suggested, from front to back, in order, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Logan, Patton, Thomas, Nico, Ian, Janus, Height, Vertigo and Rejection. Like that, in single file, they enter the defile. They keep their eyes on the windows that surround them from the walls, trying to avoid looking down. However, Thomas starts shaking, until he stops walking altogether]

NICO: Thomas, are you okay?

THOMAS: I can’t walk any further… I thought I could but I just can’t stand heights… It’s too much for me…

HEIGHT: I wish I could turn myself off for a moment, Thomas. But I can’t control myself.

THOMAS: I know, I’m not blaming you. I wish I could be stronger…

PATTON: Kiddo, remember that we already went through this when we were rescuing Chris. Remember when we had to get to the Mind Palace Center the first time, through that path suspended several feet over the labyrinth? Back then, you were able to control your fears. You just gotta do the same now.

THOMAS: Except that this time it’s not that easy, Patton. Last time, I could evade myself, imagine that the pathway wasn’t so high and just keep walking like an automaton… But now I can’t do that, when I have to keep concentrated on the windows and not tripping on this rocky defile at the same time…

JANUS: [yelling] Well, Thomas, you better put yourself together now, cause we’ve got company! Guys, protect yourselves!

[the windows suddenly get filled with hundreds of ghouls, throwing arrows, stones and everything on hand to the team. They just try to evade the attacks the best they can]

IAN: We won’t last much in this situation! If only Chris was here, he would have taken care of them, he’s the best archer among all of us!

VIRGIL: I know, but we didn’t have time to go to Sandersia and fetch him from his fencing training with Roland. Guys, we gotta resist somehow!

ROMAN: Thomas, you could help us! You could bring out that white shield of yours to protect us, remember? Thomas? Are you listening? Thomas!

[but Thomas is completely frozen, almost like catatonic, with a face of huge fear, looking at the pits around him]

REMUS: Did you realize, guys? Nobody among those ghouls is aiming at Thomas. They’re avoiding to attack him on purpose!

LOGAN: That’s logical, considering that if they made him fall into the pit to his death, we would all die and this place would banish. They don’t wanna take that risk. It’s lucky for Thomas, because he seems to be in panic over his fear of heights.

REMUS: Thomas! Wake up, for f*ck’s sake! We need you!

[a scream of pain is heard from behind. They all look behind and see that Rejection has been hit by a stone on the forehead. A stream of blood falls down is hair. Then he stumbles and falls. Vertigo manages to grab him before he falls into the abyss and keeps him suspended over the pit, holding him by one foot. Rejection shakes his head and recovers full consciousness, realizing what has happened]

REJECTION: Oh, no…

VERTIGO: [trying to rise him up] Don’t worry, I got you, I won’t let you fall!

[Rejection looks at the nearest window to them. There’s a ghoul tensing his arrow, pointing at Vertigo’s chest]

REJECTION: But you must, Vertigo! You must let me fall or they’ll kill you!

VERTIGO: What? No! I won’t let you fall!

REJECTION: If you don’t, then we will both perish! You must do it, Vertigo!

HEIGHT: Look out, he’s gonna shoot!

[Rejection shows a face of determination and, with some struggle, starts untying the boot that Vertigo is holding]

VERTIGO: What are you doing!? Don’t do that! You’ll fall!

REJECTION: It has been great being part of this mission, and it was great that at least I got to see you, Vertigo, one of our friends, free from Paranoia. Please, save the others. Do it for me. Farewell…

VERTIGO: [screeching] Rejection, don’t!

[but Rejection finishes untying his boot and slips out of it, falling into the pit. He doesn’t make a sound, and just smiles at Vertigo until he gets lost in the abysmal darkness. Vertigo doesn’t have time to react to the tragedy as the ghoul by the window shoots his arrow. Vertigo protects himself with Rejection’s boot, and the arrow pierces safely in it]

IAN: I can’t believe this is happening…

VIRGIL: There’s no time for mourning! There’s more ghouls every minute! Soon we will all follow Rejection’s destiny if we don’t do something! We need to make Thomas react now!

NICO: Thomas! Thomas!

[but Thomas has a very different face from before. He’s no longer afraid. On the contrary, he’s looking at the place where Rejection fell and his gesture is of pure anger and wrath]

NICO: Guys, something’s wrong with Thomas.

VIRGIL: Oh, no! What happened to Rejection is… I think, out of anger, Thomas’ letting the Dark Master dominate him again! Thomas, fight him!

[but Thomas’ eyes have already turned green and started glowing. He shows his teeth in a grotesque gesture, and he growls with a demonic voice. He points with his finger at the ghoul that shot at Vertigo]

JANUS: [horrified] I know that gesture! Don’t do that!

[Thomas throws a black beam from his finger. It hits the ghoul on the shoulder. He screams in pain and falls back]

JANUS: Thank goodness he didn’t hit him in the chest, or otherwise, that ghoul would be dead, like it happened to Ira! Thomas, calm down!

NICO: Thomas, I know it hurts, and I know you want revenge, but this is not the way! [holding Thomas’ face with both hands and making him look at him] Thomas, look at me! Remember what the Core told us!

[The ferociousness of Thomas’ gesture slowly disappears]

NICO: This is not a battle we can win if we let ourselves loose in hatred. These on the windows are our friends too and don’t know what they’re doing. We need to save them too or everything will have gone to waste. Remember that the only way we can win is with love, not with hate. Put yourself together, Thomas. We need you, the real you, not the dark you.

[Thomas’ eyes turn back to brown and a tear falls down his cheek. He then kisses Nico]

VIRGIL: Thank goodness that he came back to his senses, although our situation is still not any better…

[while Thomas and Nico are kissing a lightning aura surrounds them. Everyone stops to look at the mystic brightness, even the ghouls. The aura gets brighter and brighter, then suddenly gets unleashed as a wave that spreads around at light speed all around the place. The ghouls are hit by the wave and fall down growling, except Height and Vertigo who remain totally unharmed. They stop kissing and look at what has happened, in shock]

THOMAS: What happened here?

NICO: Seems we unleashed our special weapon by accident, the one we were reserving for the Paladin. [smirks] It’s not my fault that you make me feel such strong emotions just with your kissing, Thomas.

THOMAS: [smirks back] Look who’s talking.

[ghouls on the windows start rising up slowly]

GHOUL #1: What has happened?

GHOUL #2: I… I’m free? I’m free at last?

GHOUL #3: We’re free from Paranoia! Free at last!

VIRGIL: Oh, wow, didn’t expect this to happen…

HEIGHT: Guys, are you okay!? You’re really free!?

GHOUL #2: I think so, Height! We’re so sorry, we couldn’t control ourselves!

[the ghoul that was shot by Thomas rises up. He has tears in his eyes, not of pain but of guilt]

SHOT GHOUL: I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry… It was my fault that Rejection…

VERTIGO: [with tears in his eyes] It’s not your fault. You were just being controlled like everyone else. It’s the Paladin who’s to blame and we’ll make him pay for this. I only wish Rejection was here to see his wish of seeing you all free come true.

THOMAS: And I’m sorry for shooting at you. I wasn’t myself either.

GHOUL #3: We’ll tend his wounds and go somewhere safe to gain strength, but don’t worry, we’ll be there to help you when the final battle unleashes. You guys, be careful now.

VIRGIL: Take care, guys. Thank you.

[the ghouls retreat and everything would have been silent, if it wasn’t for the sound of faint hurtful whining that startled them all. They all looked at the source of this sound. Patton was there, lying down in pain]

THOMAS: Patton! What’s wrong with you!? Did they hit you before…?

[Patton rises his face, his cheeks are full of tears and he has a grimace of pure pain, but still he manages to smile]

PATTON: It’s… it’s okay, kiddos… don’t worry…

LOGAN: [scared] No, it’s not okay, Patton! What is happening to you!

PATTON: It’s just that… your true love is so pure and so strong… and it all was unleashed so suddenly… that I got heavily overloaded. Aw, it hurts… but it will pass… although I don’t know if I could take it a second time…

THOMAS: Oh, dear, we’re so sorry, Patton.

PATTON: Don’t be… this is what had to be done, and so many ghouls got free from the spell, it can only count as a blessing. This is just my fault, because I’m not good enough to store your feelings, that’s all. You’ve got so much love to give, it was already difficult for me to hold it all, and now that I have to deal with love enough for two, it’s just impossible for me to hold it all together. I need to train to be better and I’m only sorry I didn’t do it earlier.

THOMAS: Don’t speak like that, you’re doing your best, just like anyone of us.

[Patton rises up, his grimace has softened up a little]

PATTON: Yes, but this is not the first time this has happened, I should have prepared myself in advance. My bad. But it was mandatory to use that attack this time, so do not hesitate in using it if need be. It will be better than the alternative of letting the Dark Master on the loose again.

NICO: Still, if this attack has so devastating effects on you, we mustn’t use it lightly anymore. Thomas, I think we must reserve it to attack the Paladin and only the Paladin. The rest of the way, we’ll have to count on our own regular strength, for Patton’s sake.

THOMAS: You’re right. We’re not void of resources. Until we get there, we’ll avoid that attack.

PATTON: Don’t worry about me, kiddos. I’m in pain, but I’m fine. I can cope, eventually.

THOMAS: There’s no need for you to cope to such strong pain unless it’s absolutely necessary. Don’t worry, Patton.

PATTON: As you wish kiddos. I’m feeling fine already, so we should get moving.

[they all start walking, but after a couple steps they look back. Vertigo is on his knees, looking at the boot with the arrow and at the pit]

VIRGIL: Vertigo…

VERTIGO: He sacrificed himself… for me… After how much of a coward I was earlier, he sacrificed himself for me. Why? I didn’t deserve it…

HEIGHT: Hey, my love, we need to keep going. Remember what Rejection told you before… that he counted on us to save our friends. He counted on you too, Vertigo, so put yourself together and make him proud, okay?

[Height kisses Vertigo in the cheek. Vertigo just shows a bittersweet smile and nods, then he stands up and throws the boot to the pit]

VERTIGO: Farewell, my friend. I swear your sacrifice won’t be in vain.

[they look at the pit for a couple of seconds, then they start walking]

NICO: How are you feeling now, Thomas?

THOMAS: I’m feeling okay. I’m so overwhelmed by all that has just happened that there’s simply no room in my brain for stupid phobias anymore. I’ll have time to feel the fear later when this is all over. Now I just need to keep on walking.

NICO: Okay…

THOMAS: But how are you feeling, Nico? This is the first time you have been witness of something like this in my Mind Palace. Are you okay?

NICO: I’m not gonna deny it, it’s taken a toll on me. But I can cope. It’s never easy to see someone die like this in front of your own eyes and not being able to do anything about it. But I’ll survive, I guess…

THOMAS: Again, I’m sorry I’m making you go through this. I feel so guilty…

NICO: And again, I’m telling you I’ll go with you to the end of the world. You’re no longer having to go through this kind of bad experiences on your own. Capiche?

THOMAS: Capiche…

[after some time walking through the defile, they reach the other side, which ends in a wider gallery]

IAN: Gosh, it feels so great to be able to walk again without the fear of falling, even if we’re surrounded again by walls up and down, left and right.

VIRGIL: Yep, and the best is this means we’re getting closer to the castle, guys. The battle is far from over, but we’re not far from starting it anymore.

REMUS: Roman, can I talk to you in private?

ROMAN: What? Now?

REMUS: It’s important.

ROMAN: Okay. Guys, go ahead, we’ll catch you in a minute.

VIRGIL: We can’t spread out, guys. Remember the illusions are not over, even if we’ve passed that defile. We’ll wait for you here a few steps away so you can talk, but be quick, please.

ROMAN: Okay…

[the rest of the gang moves away a few steps, while Roman and Remus get closer to the gate to the defile they left behind]

ROMAN: Well, what is it?

REMUS: This is killing me inside… and I needed to level with you.

ROMAN: About what?

REMUS: Well…

ROMAN: Remus, what did you do? Speak now, please, we don’t have much time.

REMUS: I feel guilty over Rejection’s death. It’s my fault.

ROMAN: What do you mean it’s your fault?

REMUS: Had I not put that ballot in the hat, we would have gone the other way and Rejection would be alive now.

ROMAN: Remus, we talked about this. Remember? It was luck which decided that your ballot was the chosen one to decide which way to go. It’s not your fault as you had your right to cast your vote however you wanted. No one’s blaming you. It is a group choice, remember?

REMUS: No it wasn’t, that’s what I was trying to tell you. It wasn’t luck what decided the way.

ROMAN: What? What do you mean? [realization] Wait a minute… you’re not gonna tell me that…

REMUS: I rigged the draw. I replaced all the ballots in the hat with copies of my own ballot.

ROMAN: [yelling] WHAT!? Why did you do that!?

REMUS: Because I feared for Dillon’s life! He… he’s my nephew, Roman. I was afraid that if we went through the longest route, we wouldn’t arrive in time to save him. I didn’t take into consideration your safety and worried only about Dillon’s. I beg you to forgive me, Roman.

[Roman just looks at Remus, then sighs]

ROMAN: Remus… Why do you always have to do anything you want without fair warning… I… it’s not to me to whom you have to apologize, you know? Besides, I’m no one to judge you when I have rigged so many votings in that same hat in the past. I would be a hypocrite if I criticized you for that… but you’re right. When you rigged the draw you put on your shoulders the responsibility of everything that happened, including Rejection’s death.

JANUS: May I speak before you come to conclusions, Roman?

REMUS: You were listening?

JANUS: Hard not to, you both were shouting and we weren’t too far away. Everyone has heard you.

[everyone is looking at Remus with faces of disappointment]

JANUS: Guys, before you start judging him, let me speak. The draw was fair and clean.

REMUS: What?

JANUS: Did you think I wouldn’t know what you were trying to do, Remus? I know you. I know you always show that glance of mischievousness when you’re planning on doing something in covert and I saw how you looked at the hat, so I guessed your plan all along… and replaced back all the ballots as they were just a second after you replaced them. It was only luck that it was precisely your ballot what was chosen.

REMUS: Seriously?

JANUS: Yep, though it was good that you mortified yourself over what happened for a few minutes. I doubt that it would teach you a lesson, you’re Remus after all, but at least you got time to reflect on your actions for a change.

HEIGHT: [angry] Well, the draw may have been fair, but that doesn’t change the fact that he actively tried to rig it! He still has some blame of what happened in my eyes!

JANUS: Before we go on casting blames, may I remind you that it was you and Rejection who started all of this in the first place, when you kidnapped Chris? It’s not like your hands are clean to give lessons about morality.

[Height gets in silence with a face of guilt, but still showing anger]

JANUS: And none of our hands are clean, for the record. There’s not a single innocent person in this room… or gallery. We will all always have something to be blamed for, even if it’s ourselves who put the blame on ourselves. We could go on with this debate as long as you want, but I think it would be better if we just move on, because Remus was right in one thing. Dillon is running out of time and we can’t waste it.

REMUS: Janus!

JANUS: What?

REMUS: Thank you for defending me, and for doing the right thing in my place… but I need to say something.

JANUS: Okay, sorry, go ahead.

REMUS: It’s true that I tried to rig the voting. It was a decision I made on the fly, like most of mine. And I want to apologize for that. I consciously put all of our lives in danger and one of us lost his. Even if Janus fixed it, that’s no excuse for me because I’m still guilty in the grade of tentative. So, I’m sorry. I know my apologies won’t bring Rejection back and I’ll understand if, when this is all over, you just want me to return to my room and never come back. I’ll accept it. I’m used to loneliness, anyway.

[the group looks at Remus in silence, before Thomas speaks]

THOMAS: Remus, what you did was serious, very serious. Had Janus not fixed it, Rejection’s death would have been your entire fault. I hope you are conscious of that. If we did the voting and then the draw was precisely to avoid this, to not put on someone’s shoulders all the weight of what eventually ended happening. And you disregarded that good intention to name yourself the only one capable to decide in the name of the whole group. You tried to impose your opinion over the majority, and that’s something I won’t tolerate to happen as long as I’m the owner of this Mind Palace.

REMUS: You’re right, and I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.

THOMAS: [beat] On the other hand, I know your intentions were good. We are all really worried about Dillon. We try to do what’s best for him, and I can only understand that the fear over his security can blur our reason. And besides, Janus fixed it and in the end it was luck, as intended, what decided our destinies anyway. I can’t speak for the whole group, but on my part, if you promise that you won’t do something like this again, I’m willing to forgive you.

REMUS: Thank you, Thomas. If it serves for something, I won’t put your lives in danger like this ever again. I promise.

THOMAS: What do you say, guys?

[one by one, the Sides and Nico nod in agreement with Thomas. Height, however, remains silent]

THOMAS: Height?

HEIGHT: It’s that easy? Just putting a pouty face and whining “sorry” fixes everything with the Sides? Rejection is dead! Your apologies won’t bring him back to life!

REMUS: I understand.

HEIGHT: [yelling] And don’t act all innocent now, for f*ck’s sake! Don’t act as if you were the victim, because you weren’t! You are a danger for everyone around you, and I don’t want to have anything to do with you! I…

VIRGIL: Height!

[Height looks at Virgil, in anger]

VIRGIL: Remus didn’t kill Rejection. You have a right to be angry, but in the end he didn’t kill him. It was something that could have happened to anyone of us from the moment we set a foot on this cave, and you all knew it. If it happened before or after a voting or a draw is irrelevant. We all know the risks we are taking. Rejection knew them too. The draw eventually was fair, so no matter what, the choice of following that route is still a group choice and that wasn’t changed. I know you’re angry, but if you want to be angry at someone, be angry at the Paladin who set the attack in the first place. That’s our common enemy and the one we must face now. We must stay together as a team or we’ll never succeed.

[Height looks at Virgil with the same face of anger]

HEIGHT: I’ll follow your command as always, your majesty. But you can’t ask me to forgive, because it doesn’t come naturally to me to do so. I’ll do as you want and continue our mission, but after it’s over, I don’t want to have anything to do with him, and nothing can change that.

REMUS: You don’t have to worry about that. After our mission is complete, I’ll never return to the Cave of Doom, so you’ll never have to see me again.

HEIGHT: [voice full of hatred and resentment] Finally some good news. I can’t wait for you to be away from my sight and back into your own filthy nest of worms, like the filthy worm you yourself are…

[Remus shows a face of anger that quickly evolves into a ferocious face that makes the others shiver, as it reminds them of the old Remus they faced in the castle]

REMUS: But until then, we must work together. I don’t care if you hate me, ghoul. I never cared about anyone’s opinions about me. [threatening voice, walking towards Height until he’s face to face with him] But if your hatred puts my nephew in danger, I’ll make sure that you have fair reasons to hate me, is that clear?

HEIGHT: How dare you…?

[Remus grabs Height by the neck, and his green tentacles suddenly appear on his back and point menacingly at Height]

REMUS: [yelling at Height] Is that clear!?

ROMAN: Remus!

REMUS: Shut up, Roman! This is between the ghoul and me, so don’t meddle! [beat, then to Height, with low voice]Don’t put my good will to the test, ghoul. I confessed what I had done because I thought the team had the right to know, but don’t ever think that, if you belittle me so lightly, I won’t bite back. As a friend, I can be a very good friend, but if you decide to make an enemy out of me, I can turn your life into a nightmare and the other Sides can attest that I’m saying the truth. I may be friendly now towards my friends and loved ones, and that sentiment is genuine, but don’t get it wrong, ghoul. [low pitch voice, approaching his face to Height’s until their noses almost boop] I’m. Still. A. Dark. Side. The last Dark Side in this f*cking Mind Palace, and I demand some respect. I won’t let anyone trample on my pride, much less someone who isn’t even a Side like you, ghoul. Not anymore! So stay in your lane, respect my boundaries, and you’ll keep your neck intact. And if you do your part of the mission and help rescue my nephew without hindering anything because of your thoughts about me, we’ll both live our lives afterwards away from each other as we both can’t wait to do. But if you don’t, and the mission fails because of you, I’ll make sure you join your friend on the bottom of that pit. Again, is that clear?

HEIGHT: [hateful voice] Crystal clear, Dark Side.

REMUS: [dropping Height’s neck and retracting his tentacles which disappear into his back] Good, because I’m tired of you wasting Dillon’s time in stupid quarrels. It’s time we get moving, and we’ll start moving now! Off we go, everyone! There’s no time to waste!

VIRGIL: [sighs] Remus is right. Let’s go. The Paladin’s castle is not too far already and the time to face him is arriving at last.

[to be concluded, guys, gals and non binary pals]

[the gang are walking down a very steep gallery. Virgil leads the way followed by the Sides and the ghouls. Remus is a couple steps back of the group, in silence. Roman notices this and joins him]

ROMAN: What’s up, brother?

REMUS: What’s up about what, Roman?

ROMAN: You know very well. Are you okay?

REMUS: That doesn’t matter now. Not until we rescue my nephew.

ROMAN: Hey, it’s my son too. And worrying about him doesn’t mean I can’t worry about you any less. There’s room in my heart for all of my family.

[Remus scoffs, trying to pretend he doesn’t care]

ROMAN: You know what, Remus? It’s not very you trying to hide things from us. If I remember correctly, you were always the one who always said whatever he wanted…

REMUS: …whenever it pleased me. I know. And now, it doesn’t please me to talk about the issue, so I don’t talk. It’s just as simple as that.

ROMAN: However I need to talk about it, because I’m worrying about you.

REMUS: You do? Heh… Who would have thought?

ROMAN: That’s not fair, after all we’ve been through. You know I love you and I care about you. You’re my brother.

REMUS: There was a time you wouldn’t even call me brother, and I still remember it crystal clear.

ROMAN: But that time is long gone. Neither you nor I are the same as back then. Which leads me to wonder why did you do that earlier. You reacted like… like your old self, almost. You even scared me for a second.

REMUS: I didn’t attack first. It was him who went hostile in the first place. I just set my boundaries, that’s all.

ROMAN: Setting your boundaries includes death-threatening Height? He was just upset over his loss. I’m sure in time he would have calmed down and apologized.

REMUS: Maybe, or maybe not. We’ll never know, I guess. But it was also that their useless quarreling was holding us back. And Dillon doesn’t have that much time left.

ROMAN: Even so, it was unnecessary to show such an abrupt fit of violence.

REMUS: [mocking voice] Well, I’m sorry, big brother. I promise I’ll apologize to them and that I’ll copy a hundred times in a notebook that “I mustn’t threaten my little fwiends anymore.”

ROMAN: Remus, I’m serious. [sighs] Gosh, why is it that you always spill your thoughts in the most random instances, but when you really need it the most, you just won’t let me get to your heart?

REMUS: Who knows? Perhaps I don’t have a heart. Like I said, I’m still a Dark Side, remember? Perhaps I am just like that, meant to be mean and evil and when I try to blend in with you, I’m just acting against my nature. [shows a face of hurt] That’s what all of you think about me, am I wrong?

ROMAN: Remus, that’s not…

REMUS: Is it not? Then why have I always had the feeling that I don’t fit in with any of you? Why have always had the feeling that, no matter what I do and no matter what I say, I’ll always be an outcast to some degree? I just decided to act like how you all ultimately think I am, that’s all.

ROMAN: It hurts me that you have those ideas about yourself and us. We don’t think about you like that. I don’t think about you like that.

REMUS: It would be so happy-papi-cute to believe you, Roman. But I just can’t.

ROMAN: Perhaps because it’s all in your mind and it’s really you who outcasts yourself from us, because it is you who doesn’t believe to deserve to be with us. And I think I got to the key of this issue. You reacted like that, because Height treated you the way you really think we all would want to treat you. It’s like your biggest fear suddenly came true and you reacted instinctively, am I right?

REMUS: No, I…

ROMAN: Yes, I am right. You can’t fool me. I know you inside out. You were a part of me, remember? Remus, I…

VIRGIL: Guys, we’ve arrived to our destination!

ROMAN: …well, it’s a shame we have to stop this conversation so abruptly, but you can bet that when this is all over, we’re gonna have a brother-to-brother extensive talk, okay?

REMUS: Do as you want, even though I don’t think we’ll get anything useful from it. Now, it’s not the time to talk. The Paladin is waiting.

ROMAN: Yes. The final battle is here at last.

[resonating-kitty]

So going into the Dream SMP festival, (Under that read more is my thoughts and possible predictions). 

I am not going to put this word vomit in the tags. It is so unorganized and really is just a jumble to thoughts and what-ifs. 

Here are my thoughts. 

“Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it” - Winston Churchill

Tommy

While he has stepped onto the same path that Wilbur did, I would like to note something. Tommy called L’Manburg his unfinished symphony. BUT he referenced the discs. Tommy’s L’Manburg is his discs. He doesn’t give a shit about the nation. The only thing Tommy cares about is the discs. 

Now, Wilbur’s path to insanity, started when his nation (His L’Manburg) was taken from him and twisted into such a thing that he knew, he would never get back. So he sought to destroy it as a way to preserve it or at least his memory of it.

Tommy is so unlike Wilbur in this aspect. While, arguably, if the discs were to get destroyed, I think Tommy would go down the path of insanity, I don’t see that happening.  I think it might be entirely possible that Tubbo will either destroy the disc he has or give it to Dream because Tommy is now on the side, in Tubbo’s eyes, of evil. My vote is to give it to Dream but not during the festival. It will be later on. 

As for the destruction of L’Manburg (the nation), If Tommy and Tubbo become enemies then Tommy would have no problem with letting/helping Techno exact his revenge. 

If Tommy/Tubbo do not become enemies, while Tommy doesn’t care for the nation, Tubbo does, so Tommy would then be against destroying it. 

Also a note to keep in mind is that Tommy could be the subject to the favor that is owed to Dream by Technoblade. And Dream could very well have Technoblade kill Tubbo for the attempted execution. Which would put Tommy and Techno at odds. 

Tubbo

Tubbo really is the next Schlatt isn’t he? He is not the tyrant Schlatt was,  his whole presidency is about keeping Peace in his country. Yet, the decisions he has made to keep that Peace could be arguably seen as tyrannical in nature. 

- He did overrule his whole cabinet in his decision to exile Tommy because Tommy was a liability to his Peace. This caused a rift between him and the rest of his cabinet. 

- He literally sold Fundy to Ant for information. 

- How many times has he used Ranboo? 

- He put Phil on house arrest and vandalized his home. 

He believes that Ranboo is the only loyal one left when in fact, we the audience, know that is not the case. 

Yet, I still do not think that Tubbo is following down the same path as Schaltt. Yes he is planning on hosting a festival. But, wasn’t the last festival’s sole purpose was to root out a spy?

Why should this festival be any different? Sure, they are planning on attempting to kill Dream. But let’s all be honest, that’s not going to happen. Dream has a spy. Dream knows. 

There is a spy in the works. But, I don’t think that spy might necessarily know they are a spy. Which brings me to Ranboo. 

Ranboo

Ranboo, in my eyes, is a complete wildcard at the moment. 

Ranboo is not loyal to L’Manburg. Ranbo does not have a L’Manburg. Ranboo is loyal to those who have helped him. We know Philza helped him so he would never go against Phil. Phil, as we know, is on Techno’s side. 

Ranboo could also be the spy. But not know he is the spy. 

His memory books. Everything that he witnesses or does goes into those books. Dream mentioned he had a spy, a way to get information. Well, what if he is sneaking Ranboo’s memory books and reading them? 

That would explain why Ranboo’s memory book was out of place. Dream forgot to put it back where he had retrieved it or perhaps he did that on purpose. (Dream does love to manipulate young boys doesn’t he /joke)

Ranboo, in my opinion, will be most at risk tomorrow. Whomever read his book knows that he is not loyal to L’Manburg. They know he has helped the enemy. 

And that knowledge, if given to Tubbo, would change Tubbo’s whole perspective of Ranboo and cause him to have to flee L’Manburg/possibly lose a life.

Which would cause him to align with Techno/Tommy/Phil or have Techno/Tommy/Phil save him from dying and then he align with them. (Unless of course, Dream calls in that favor) 

Philza

I’m gonna be honest. I think Philza will end up in the prison. The prison is reserved for the “most powerful member on the server” and what is more powerful than the man who literally has the Blood God’s full trust and loyalty? 

To control Phil’s life is to control Technoblade. 

Right now, the only reason Dream is safe is because of that favor that Techno owes him. But once that is exhausted, what will stop Techno from slaying Dream? Dream could throw Phil into the prison as a way to keep Techno in check. To keep Techno from coming after him. To keep Techno as a tool(?) 

Alternatively, if Philza doesn’t go in the prison then I think he will be the set up for the final hurrah of the server. His death, by Dream’s hand, would make for one hell of a finale of Dream vs Technoblade don’t you think? 

-

So my thoughts on the actual event tomorrow, the festival will not result in Dream’s death but rather the revealing of a spy, who may or may not be Ranboo. He might die but also might be exiled. 

Tubbo could possibly be the one to start going insane after tomorrow. (I mean he would truly be alone then) Tubbo depression arc? (plz no) Tubbo exile arc? (I mean if he kills Ranboo, Fundy/Quackity might oust him) 

Whatever dark terrible thing Dream has planned that will make everyone hate him and cause him to have to go away. That could happen tomorrow. 

That favor could get called in tomorrow. 

So many possibilities so little time. I just know, at the end of the day it will be POG and also PAIN.  

[omfgtrump]

The Don Gets The Boot

FUCK YEAH!!!

ABOUT TIME!!!

Americans have voted in the first female Vice President. A mixed race Black Indian whose mother was an immigrant. Now that’s the idea of America!!!

Yes, The Don gets the boot, but how many Republicans will remain boot-lickers? Seems like Lindsey Graham has his tongue stuck to the bottom of The Don’s shoe. Congratulations Lindsey, in a unanimous vote, you win the “Sycophant of the Decade Award.”

Mittens Romney, whose occasional expression of dismay over The Don’s actions, took off the Mittens and took The Don to task. But honestly, I’m tired of hearing that Mittens shows courage and independence. Crawling out of your bunker every few months to venture your dissent only to slink back in to hiding leaves me cold. Where is your voice on The Don’s atrocious handling of the pandemic? Umm, thought so. I guess that makes sense, as you are the one who thought it was okay to tie your dog, like a piece of luggage, to the top of the car, and believed he was having fun. That takes a lot of denial and wishful thinking.

Many are shocked that The Don decided to tell the American people that he won before all the votes were counted.  Really?

Let’s examine the reasons why he thought won.

It was unfair that pollsters were counting votes after election day, even though the ballots were cast before or on election day.

He didn’t understand that you can’t choose which states to count votes.

He didn’t think it was legal for people from rat-infested cities like Baltimore to vote. So unfair, so unfair.

There are so many more Red states then Blue ones. If he has more Red M&M’s than blue ones, red wins, right?

Millions of people dressed up as other people and voted twice. The Don said: We have evidence of this. A detailed report will be coming out soon. QAnon is working on it as I speak.

Putin promised me that I would win.

There is evidence that at least 5 million dead people voted, and since Joe Biden is practically dead, they felt closer to him and voted for him. You’ve seen the “Walking Dead,” that stuff is real.

Most importantly: I never lose, so this is all fake news.

Frankly, anyone who understands The Don’s pathology, his malignant narcissism, could have written his ludicrous rant. Translated, it goes: I am The Don, I control the world; if it doesn’t go the way I render it, there is something wrong with the world as there is never anything wrong with me. That’s why I win, win, win; and never lose.

His response to the results of the election are identical to his response to the pandemic. “This can’t be happening because I didn’t deem it to be.” Once again we witness The Don’s delusional process at work, hoping if he repeats over and over that the election is illegal, rigged, a fraud, a conspiracy against the greatest president who ever lived; and that it is he, who is democracy greatest defender.

The next 74 days will be like no other transition of power in this country. Anyone believing The Don will go lightly into the night is living in their own alternative reality. Everything he has done and said before tells us that he will do whatever he can to burn the house down. The chances that he can accept defeat graciously are zero! It is not in his DNA. The Don’s entire life is predicated on destroying others in order to avoid losing: losing exposes his underlying smallness and the humiliation it brings is intolerable. He will do anything and say anything to twist reality so he doesn’t have to experience this. Up until this point in his life, he has miraculously escaped every situation that could have confronted him with his true self. He will never accept defeat and when he eventually leaves the White House (willingly?) to start Trump TV, he will turn his rage toward Joe Biden, just like he did to Barack Obama. He will continue to be a force in politics and continue to stoke fear and resentment and seek revenge on those who have usurped his power because that is the only way he can protect himself from connecting to his smallness. The good news is that those of us who do not want to ever hear from him again won’t have to because he no longer will be president. However, his desire to remain relevant to his supporters will make him a real force in Republican politics and he will have no qualms inciting people to violence. Maybe his first guest will be Steve Bannon, who recently called for the beheading of Anthony Fauci and FBI Director Christopher Wray.

Yes, The Don has lost; and the country, for a few moments, can exhale. Millions took to the streets in celebration. Church bells rang out in Paris like they did after the Germans surrendered; in London, there were fireworks. The perpetual state of anxiety that many Americans were thrust into for four years has been mitigated, though pharmaceutical companies are probably upset as profits may decline because fewer people will renew their prescriptions for anti-depressants and Xanax.

The Don made democracy fray at its seams, but the people pushed back. Democracy prevailed. Enough of us felt that another four years would catapult us into an autocracy. It is remarkable that nearly 150 million people voted during a pandemic.

It is also remarkable that 70 million people voted for a man who separated children from their parents, supported White Supremacists, banned Muslims, called Mexicans rapists, is a vowed sexual predator (Access Hollywood tape), was impeached (remember that), is in Putin’s pocket and did nothing when he was given high level intelligence information that Russia paid bounties to the Taliban to kill Americans, paid no taxes, covered for the Saudi Prince who murdered a Washington Post reporter and attacked science promulgating an alternative reality (with the heinous silence and collusion of Republicans) that the coronavirus is about to take a hike, when we are being ravaged and setting records for infections with 1,000 people dying every day.

Experts are saying that by the time Biden takes the reigns that there could more than 200,000 cases a day and increasing death tolls. It didn’t have to be that way, and the task before Biden and Kamala is enormous. Long after The Don is gone, our country will be paying the price for his incompetence, indecency, and heinous disregard for human life. Rather than being closer to a point where would are containing the spread, we are heading in to a very dark winter that will take a much longer time to come out of. The economic costs will be graver than necessary and tens of millions of people will continue to struggle with existential issues of food and housing insecurity. As for The Don, he will seek refuge cheating at golf and not give one iota of thought to the suffering of the American people.

For people of color, members of the LGBQT community, Muslims, immigrants and other marginalized groups, there is relief that his malignant man has been banished and hope that Biden and Kamala Harris’s policies will embrace, protect and uplift them. But these communities also see the numbers of Americans who voted for a vengeful, carnival barker who has deceived them into believing he is speaking for them, that he cares about them. Despite all they have seen and heard, his capacity to stoke fear, resentment and divisiveness allowed them to cast their ballot for a White Supremacist, a man totally void of empathy and morality.  What message does this communicate to these communities? What does this say about America and its capacity to move forward and embrace equity and inclusion?

It galls me when I hear pundits create moral equivalents between the Right and the Left’s extremism and the need for people to come together. I am all for coming together; this country will have a hard time surviving if we don’t. But the Right in this country (which at this point is the Republican Party) has been stoking racial animus, creating obstacles to voting, promulgating abhorrent and dangerous conspiracy theories, stoking violence by White Supremacists groups, and working against equity and inclusion for years. The violence at Charlottesville did not have good people on both sides. Torch-bearing White Supremacist and Nazi groups chanting anti-Semitic tropes are not the same as people fighting for racial and social justice. The oppressed fighting back is not the same as the oppressor asserting itself. Fighting for social justice shouldn’t even be a movement: it should just be. But as sobering as it is, this is America.

But America is also the place where a Black Indian Woman with an immigrant mother can become vice president. Let’s hope that that the part of us that could make that happen is the part that moves us forward during these challenging times.

P.S

I had planned to end this blog with the defeat of The Don, but given the way this transition is going to go down, I thought I would stick around and wait until he actually leaves the oval office and Biden is sworn in. Hold on to your seats!

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[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[ruthfeiertag]

Random Ruminations on Depression

Preamble:

I want to take back the word ruminate. The Online Etymology Dictionary explains that the word “ruminate (v.)” dating from the 1530s, means “'to turn over in the mind,’ also ‘to chew cud’ (1540s), from Latin ruminatus, past participle of ruminare ‘to chew the cud; turn over in the mind,' from rumen (genitive ruminis) ‘gullet,’ of uncertain origin.” Merriam-Webster Online Gives the definition of ruminate as

transitive verb

1: to go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly 2: to chew repeatedly for an extended period

intransitive verb

1: to chew again what has been chewed slightly and swallowed : chew the cud 2: to engage in contemplation : REFLECT

https://pixabay.com/photos/pensive-female-woman-window-staring-580611/

But psychology — and in general I have real respect and genuine gratitude for the healing and support psychology and psychotherapists provide; if I kept a gratitude journal, my therapist’s name would be on every page — has come near to ruining this apt word that perfectly expresses the way many of us need or choose to take the time to ponder and deliberate rather than hasten to judge or get embroiled in the consequences of an ill-considered decision. Psychology, as a field, has decided ruminate should mean obsessively thinking about whatever is bothering one, over and over and over… 

I think one of the reasons this definition has become popular, not only among psychologists, but in the general public as well, is that we have such short attention spans and have come to prize speed over all else. We rush to embrace technology that robs us of our privacy, we don’t stay to watch the credits after a movie (unless there’s an added scene), we expect to know the results of every election before the votes are all counted. Take a breath, people. Being ruminative used to be a positive attribute, one that indicated one was a careful, thoughtful person, not inclined to fling one’s self pell-mell off a cliff. Now it is a weakness, a character flaw that indicates one brings one’s misfortunes upon one’s self because one can’t control one’s thoughts. 

Join me in my mission. Let’s rescue ruminate. Start using it in its proper sense. Fling it with abandon into your philosophical conversations: “I was ruminating upon the meaning of life the other day and wondering just what 42 really has to do with it.” If someone tries to push you into making a snap decision, say, “You know, in order to give you the thoughtful answer you deserve, I need to ruminate on that for a day or two.” When next asked to describe yourself, pause for a moment,  then declare, “I am an attentive, measured sort of person with a ruminative cast to my mind.” (Just don’t tell anyone you’re a ruminant. That will totally undermine our goal.) 

And after we save ruminate, we’re coming back for you, enable.

*****************************

Every so often, the New Yorker slips a suggestion for an archived article into the Inbox of my e-mail. That how I came across Andrew Solomon’s article, “Anatomy of Melancholy,” that appeared in New Yorker’s January 12, 1998 issue. It’s a pretty harrowing description of the depths down to which depression can pull person, and of the biases that still pertain when it comes to admitting to others or to ourselves that we have a mental illness and, worse, might be so “weak” as to need chemical (or electrical) interventions. As I moved through the essay, I can upon this proffered bit of wisdom:

Accuracy of perception is not an evolutionary priority. Too optimistic a world view results in foolish risk-taking, but moderate optimism gives you a strong selective advantage. “Normal human thought and perception,“ Shelley Taylor writes in her 1989 book, Positive Illusions, “is marked not by accuracy but by positive self-enhancing illusions about the self, the world, and the future. Moreover…these illusions are not merely characteristic of human thought; they appear actually to be adaptive.” As she notes, “The mildly depressed appear to have more accurate views of themselves, the world, and the future than normal people. [They] clearly lack the illusions that in normal people promote mental health and buffer them against setbacks.”

hulki-okan-tabak-SKadYI4E7OM-unsplash-scaled

So — why are those of us with depression and accurate perceptions the ones who are mentally ill, while the “normies” with their illusions are the ones who are considered sane? Why are we the ones who are seen as less evolved? Am I the only one who thinks this assessment is a little bit off?

************************************

  In a recent car commercial, actor and apparent guru Matthew McConaughey ruminates (see how easy it is to just slip the word right into a sentence?) out loud about the process of identity formation. He muses 

“Knowin’ who we are is hard — it’s hard. Eliminatin’ who you are are not, first, and you’re gonna find yourself where ya need to be.”

OK: first, shouldn’t the logic of the first sentence — the search for identity — lead to a statement about finding out who one is rather than where one is? I guess that’s what happens when one infuses manufactured sagacity into an advert for a vehicle. And never mind the lack of parallel structure in the second sentence.

But what I keep thinking is, “What if we, as is recommended by Mr. McConaughey, eliminate all the people we are not, only to realize there’s no one left?” That’s kind of who-where I keep finding myself.

*********************************

An ethical dilemma: At the recommendation of a friend, I picked up Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, by Daniel G. Amen. M.D. I haven’t read very far into it, but so far there are some sensible observations about the practicality of having one’s brain scanned for damage so one knows whether medical or psychotherapeutic remedies are most likely to be beneficial. However, on page twenty-nine, our friend the doctor discusses thing that hurt the brain and things that help the brain. Under malign influences, Dr. Amen notes that “even spending time with unhealthy people [is] bad for the brain.” OK: I can see how that can work.

In the next paragraph, Dr. Amen lists things that can boost the brain. This list includes the point that “In many ways, the best thing you can do for your brain is to spend time with healthy people. As we will see, they are contagious. I often say the fastest way to get healthy is to find the healthiest person you can stand and then spend as much time around him or her as possible.” That also makes sense.

BUT — and you may already see the problem here — let’s say I’m a healthy person. I know an unhealthy person, someone with, say, depression, someone who would immensely benefit from spending time with me. Yet if I do spend time with that person, I’ll be engaged in an activity that will be detrimental to my own grey matter. On the other hand, if I choose to protect myself by shunning the depressed person, I’m selfishly depriving her or him of my beneficial “contagion” and preventing that person from attaining the flourishing cerebrum she or he deserves. (Unless, of course, that person has been ruminating. In that case, she or he deserves all the melancholy that infests her or his soul. [That’s an example how NOT to use the word ruminating.]) I’m either allowing harm to come to myself or withholding aid from another, which makes me a pretty lousy human being, and knowing that I’m a pretty lousy human will depress me.

Now let’s imagine that I am the unhealthy person, and I know a tremendously healthy person, in whose salubrious presence I never fail to rally. I have a lot of time on my hands. I easily could spend days with this person and notably sharpen my dulled mental functions and ameliorate my debilitating mood. However, by latching on to this bloom-imparting individual, I will be causing harm to that person’s well-being and will likely disrupt her or his equilibrium. That would make me an insensitive parasite, sucking the life out of someone for my own ends, and being such a draining leech would make me feel horrible and depressed.

So what to do? I hate lose-lose, damned-if-you-do-or-don’t, caught-between- Scylla-and-a-hard-place options.

**********************************

And then Will Wheaton put this up on his Blog:

報復性熬夜

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination, which has a much more beautiful name in Chinese (the literal translation for revenge bedtime procrastination means “suffering through the night vengefully.”), is a phenomena unique to people who feel out of control in their daily lives, so we refuse to go to sleep early, to exert some control over our lives, and to enjoy some quiet time alone, when the rest of our people are sleeping.

I should confess, straight up, that I am, by nature, a night owl. It runs in the family. But I love both this concept and its name. Between the depression and the M.E. and the State of the Union, I’m having an increasingly hard time getting any sleep. I just wish being AWAKE YES I’M AWAKE YES I DO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS OH ISN’T THAT A LOVELY SUNRISE? would wreak some actual vengeance on the conditions and people who are responsible for my near-insomnia. 

 *****************************

Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay https://pixabay.com/photos/fantasy-face-branches-woman-3317298/

I hope my ruminations provide some conceptual cud for your synapses, dear reader, to masticate at the pace of your choosing. And don’t forget: enable is still waiting for us to effect an heroic rescue, one worthy of our idiom.

[dogbearinggifts]

“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”

How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Eight

This is part eight of my series comparing how Luther and Vanya discuss their own trauma and respond to the trauma of others. If this is your first time seeing it on your dash, you can catch up with prior installments here: 

Part One Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five  Part Six  Part Seven

A quick note for this installment: I will only cover part of Episode 9. This is mainly because I got a bit verbose and didn’t want it to get too long. 

Episode 9, Part One: Changes (aka The One With That Scene™) 

Our first trauma mention this episode comes shortly after Vanya discovers her father’s journal in Leonard’s bag. 

Leonard: Vanya, I can explain. Vanya: You’ve been manipulating me all this time? Leonard: No, that’s not true. I’m only trying to protect you. Vanya: From who? Leonard: From your family! They’re the ones trying to hurt you. Vanya, it’s all there, in that journal. Your father was afraid of you. That’s why he put you on those pills. It wasn’t to help you. It was to hold you back. He didn’t trust that you were strong enough to control your powers, but I’ve never been afraid of you. I embraced you. I’m the only one who ever accepted you for who you really are. Your brothers and your sister, they went along with him every step of the way. Vanya: Who is Harold Jenkins? Leonard: He’s….someone like us. A lonely boy. An outsider whose family was cruel to him. All he ever wanted was to be heard, to be loved. Vanya: Allison was right. You’re sick. Leonard: I’m not the one who tried to kill you.

So, the first thing I’ll point out about this exchange is that Vanya jumped to the right conclusion upon finding that book. Her habit of jumping to conclusions has led her further and further down the road to the apocalypse up to this point, and those conclusions (assuming her siblings intentionally excluded her from their meeting because they don’t consider her family; assuming Allison Rumored her because she was jealous) have been wildly incorrect. But in this case, her interpretation of the facts is 100 percent correct. 

Another thing that jumped out at me about this conversation is that the things Leonard says to Vanya? The reasons he gives her for pushing her away from her family and manipulating her into lashing out against them? Those words echo what certain corners of the fandom say about Vanya’s siblings. Not about Leonard being the only one who embraced her for who she is (no one is agreeing with him on that) or about why Reginald put her on her meds (he’s actually right on that one). But when he says that her “brothers and sister went along with him every step of the way,” that sounds eerily similar to what some segments of this fandom say about Vanya’s relationship with her siblings. Furthermore, based on a few excerpts we’ve gotten from her book (namely, the passage where she assumes her siblings “learned cruelty” from Reginald and excluded her accordingly) Leonard’s words echo Vanya’s worst and widely publicized allegations against her siblings. 

And he’s patently wrong. 

There is a chance her siblings excluded her intentionally in childhood, although Allison’s surprise at seeing Vanya off by herself in so many of the security tapes seems to refute this. But in the present, the biggest moment when Vanya was excluded by her siblings—when she walked in on that emergency meeting and Allison told her it was a “family matter”—was both unintentional and a result of Vanya’s own choices. Early on, Diego does tell her she doesn’t belong there, but clarifies that it’s because of the book she wrote; when he later says “She shouldn’t get a vote,” it’s implied that he’s still angry with her because of her book; he’s not leaving her out because of her lack of powers. Reginald may have enforced Vanya’s isolation in childhood, but from what we’ve seen of her adulthood thus far, it seems Vanya’s own choices have isolated her from her siblings far more than Reginald’s influence on them. 

Furthermore, Allison did not try to kill Vanya. She didn’t even attempt to Rumor her until Vanya made it abundantly clear that she would not be reasoned with and Allison was left with her power as her only defense. She came unarmed, her behavior was nowhere near threatening, and the only reason Vanya saw it as threatening is because she refused to trust her sister’s own account of an event that had haunted her for decades. 

Yet a not-insubstantial portion of the fandom not only fails to see this evidence refuting Leonard and Vanya’s assumptions, but they actually agree with Vanya’s emotionally abusive boyfriend who stalked and isolated her so he could use her powers for his own ends. 

I’m not even going to go into how deeply disturbing that is. 

As for what comes after this exchange—namely, Leonard’s death. I’m torn. On the one hand, I’m not going to say Leonard didn’t deserve what he got, because this is a man who has murdered two people (that we know of) with little remorse and is perfectly willing to end the world if it means he gets his petty revenge on the Umbrella Academy for something they didn’t even do. He smiled when he saw Allison’s throat pouring blood and tried to convince Vanya that her sister deserved to die. This man is dangerous, he is toxic, and the world is a safer place without him in it. 

On the other hand, Vanya’s reaction is…troubling, to say the least. She doesn’t lash out at him when he confesses to murdering Helen Cho, and she doesn’t lash out when he lies about her family and tries to manipulate her into seeing Allison’s presumed death as a good thing. No, she lashes out at him when he begins calling her ordinary in a deliberate attempt to enrage her. What causes her to snap is not horror at his actions or empathy for her siblings, but the fact he is forcing her to relive her childhood trauma. 

Furthermore, her retribution is….let’s call it disproportionate. She doesn’t run out screaming, and she doesn’t pin him up against the wall so she can make a getaway. Both of these would be the actions of a timid woman who abhors violence, but Vanya impales him with every vaguely sharp object in his kitchen and walks away without a tear in her eye. 

I’m not going to say Leonard’s behavior isn’t awful here, because it is. And I have a hard time mustering a single ounce of sympathy for him. But he wasn’t threatening her. He didn’t have a gun or even a knife in his hands; he had a book. He didn’t block the exit; Vanya could have easily ran for the door and started screaming until the neighbors ran to her aid. He was simply slamming a book against his hand and chanting “Ordinary! Ordinary! Not special! Nothing!” It is this that makes Vanya decide he must die. 

It’s entirely possible that she was leaning toward killing him when he confessed to murdering Helen, and it’s equally possible that this notion became stronger when she heard what he had to say about her siblings. It’s clear she’s afraid of him in this scene; however, as in her earlier confrontation with Allison, Vanya is the one with the real power here. She is the one who can commit a gruesome murder without lifting a finger. Leonard is the one at her mercy. 

Unlike in her confrontation with Allison, Vanya exhibits no horror or remorse. She doesn’t even pause as the reality of what she’s done hits her full force. She simply gazes at his lifeless body and walks away. 

Like the scene where she slit Allison’s throat, this one refutes the theory that Vanya’s tendency toward violence and desire for revenge at any cost is a direct result of Luther locking her up, because at this point, she has not yet returned to the Academy. Luther knows of her powers by now, but she hasn’t seen him. Yet here she is, murdering her abusive boyfriend without a single twinge of conscience. Leonard may be the very definition of an asshole victim, but that does not make Vanya’s complete and utter indifference toward the sight of his mangled corpse any less disturbing. 

******

Our next trauma mention comes when Luther is sitting beside Allison in the infirmary. She is unconscious and covered in blood, but stable. 

Luther: I know that peaceful dark place you’re in right now. And I know the pain you’ll be in when you leave it and wake up…to someone who’s not quite you anymore. When I woke up, I was angry. I was angry that you were gone, that you’d moved on with your life. And I was still stuck here, alone with Dad in this shitty old house. But I was wrong, because I pushed everyone away and…and that’s including the only person I love with all my heart. Crying Allison, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. And I won’t let you wake up alone. 

I’d like to take a minute to say that this fandom needs to CTFD* about Allison/Luther. Not only because 1) it’s a small portion of the series itself and 2) Netflix harnesses new, cutting-edge, downright revolutionary technology allowing viewers to simply skip the “Dancing in the Moonlight” scene, but because the rather disproportionate fury toward the pairing overshadows the sweetness Luther exhibits in this scene. 

Since I brought it up and I know there’s a good chance it’ll become a Thing if I don’t, I’m going to make my stance on Allison/Luther clear: I am neutral. I don’t ship it, but it doesn’t fill me with rage, either. It was a thing in the comics, and when I read those, I simply saw it as another result of their fucked-up childhood. These are two kids raised in a cloistered environment, addressed by numbers instead of names, and taught more about all the many, many ways to hurt an assailant than they are about the birds and the bees (or whatever sort of lesson “don’t date your siblings even if you’re both adopted” would pop up in). If I were writing the series, I would not have added it in, but the fact it’s there doesn’t ruin the show for me and I feel no desire whatsoever to shame those few fans who do ship SpaceRumor. Klaus/Dave exists. I’d rather spend my time obsessing over a ship that makes my heart sing, cry, and sing while crying than spend it berating others for enjoying a ship that makes my heart go “meh.”

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way….

This is a sweet scene, no doubt about it. Luther isn’t confessing his love to her; he’s confessing something even more difficult to share—his guilt. He knows he treated her badly after his accident. He knows he was angry with her, and he knows that was wrong. In this scene, Luther proves he has not only changed and grown beyond what he was mere days prior, but he exhibits a healthy degree of self-awareness. 

What he says here, “I know the pain you’ll be in when you leave it and wake up…to someone who’s not quite you anymore”—that’s what empathy is. That’s what it looks like in practice. He knows how Allison will feel, because he’s felt that way. He knows how horrific it is to wake up and find that your body has been altered, but that knowledge isn’t limited to Oh, this was bad for me and so I’m going to protect myself from anything that resembles it. His recognition of the injustice he suffered leads him to ensure someone else in the same situation won’t suffer everything he suffered. He can’t reverse the damage, but he can be there when she wakes up—and he’s going to do it. 

But I’d like to call your attention to something else, something that’s even more overlooked than the kindness of Luther’s words: “Allison, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.” 

Some fans have already pointed out that Luther’s whole identity is wrapped up in his position as Number One. Sometimes this is used to draw attention to his anxiety and lack of confidence; sometimes it’s used to accuse him of being Sir Reginald 2.0. But what the latter group forget is that Luther’s identity as Number One is built on the notion of him as not just a hero, but a leader of heroes. He’s not supposed to be the one rushing in after shit has already gone down to do whatever he can to assist victims; he’s supposed to be the one who gets to the scene before shit goes down, the one who keeps the victims from becoming victims and sends everyone home with smiles on their faces. To Luther, always getting the front seat and taking the lead in family meetings are small components of what being Number One is all about. The crux of his identity, the core of being Number One, is saving people. 

And in his eyes, he has failed at that. 

Never mind that he didn’t know Allison was in danger until Diego told him. Never mind that he had no way of knowing Vanya had powers or that Allison would find her instead of Leonard. Never mind that there was no possible way he could have made it to the cabin in time. To Luther’s mind, it was his responsibility to be the hero before Allison knew she’d need one, and all of those things we consider justifications for his absence are excuses to him. 

Luther’s extreme dedication to his every task is what gained Reginald’s favor. But there’s a dark side to dedication, and we see it here with Luther’s self-blame for something that was absolutely not his fault. Knowing Reginald, he likely encouraged this self-blame. When that persistent voice in Luther’s head tells him he should have been there to save Allison before things got ugly, I’d be willing to bet it sounds a lot like Sir Reginald. 

*******

Now, I would like to talk about That Scene. You know the one. Luther, Vanya, and a very bad hug? 

I’m not going to reproduce the dialogue, because it’s not relevant to the points I’d like to discuss. I’m less interested in what is said—and even in what happens—than in the oft-ignored context surrounding it, so that is what I will focus on. 

Let me get this out of the way first: I don’t like what Luther does in this scene. It’s so difficult to watch that I nearly always skip it. What he does to Vanya is horrifying, the scene is horrifying, and I don’t support his actions at all. However, I’ve seen some fans taking him to task for not giving her some of her meds, which have been proven effective. Leaving aside the fact that 1) all of those pills were with Vanya when Leonard flushed them down the drain and 2) her pharmacy will absolutely not give Luther an early refill for someone else’s medication just because he asks nicely, I have a question: 

How was he supposed to get her to take them? I mean…..

Luther: Heyyyyyyyy, Vanya! Long time no see! We’re having a cranberry juice party! Can’t come in until you drink this whole glass of cranberry juice!  Vanya:  Luther:  Vanya: What the fuck kind of party is— Luther: IT’S ALSO A NO-QUESTIONS PARTY! 

Arguably, that would have been even worse. 

Now, part of what makes this scene so awful is that we know Vanya does not plan to harm her siblings. We know she’s genuinely remorseful, and that she has returned simply to say she’s sorry. However, what I think many fans forget is that there is an enormous gap between what we the audience know and what Luther knows. We’ve seen Vanya immediately scream and rush to Allison’s side, trying in vain to stanch the bleeding. We’ve seen Leonard drag her away, and we’ve seen her sit nearly catatonic in the tub as he washes the blood off. We’ve seen her break down at Allison’s message, and we’ve seen her horror as she realizes that this is what Leonard wanted all along. Speaking more broadly, we’ve seen her display the full spectrum of emotion: anger at her siblings, yes, but also joy at getting first chair, gentle teasing when she tells Leonard she’s “sorry you got the ordinary one,” confusion and horror as she replays the fight outside the restaurant in her mind. 

Luther has seen less than five percent of that. 

He wasn’t at the cabin when Vanya slit Allison’s throat, and the only thing Allison has said to him about it is VANYA POWERS. He got the rest of the truth from Pogo, who as we know is practically allergic to saying anything negative about Reginald.** Pogo would never have told Luther that the anechoic chamber frightened Vanya when she was a child, let alone the way Reginald left her alone in there, shaking and crying as he simply walked away. If Luther said something to the effect of “This seems a little extreme,” Pogo probably would have responded with, “Her powers were simply too great. He believed they are limitless, and endlessly destructive. Your sister had little interest in controlling them. This was the only way to keep all of you safe—including Miss Vanya.” So, if you’re arguing that Luther intentionally made her relive her childhood trauma, stop. Just….stop. 

Furthermore, the Vanya Luther has known all his life has been a zombie. She’s been on those pills since she was four, and so he probably has few, if any, memories of Vanya displaying much emotion at all. The only strong emotion he’s seen from her in the course of this series came when she flew off the handle because she erroneously assumed she had been intentionally left out of a very awkward conversation. To us, Vanya’s conduct is a heartfelt display of genuine relief and remorse. To Luther, it probably comes across as overacting. 

So, to recap, here’s what we know: 

Vanya went off her meds involuntarily and just recently learned what the pills actually did. 

She has spent much of that time being ruled by her emotions, never even thinking to stop and take a deep breath until she crossed a line. 

Believing she killed Allison was a turning point for her. 

She is really, truly, deeply remorseful for what she did and relieved beyond words that Allison survived. 

And here’s what Luther knows: 

Vanya went off her meds, possibly by choice. 

She is angry, and most of that anger is directed toward her family—particularly Allison, given her “There is nothing fair about being your sister” tirade. 

She is unreasonable, blaming others for situations she created when she does not like the result. 

She is quite possibly more powerful than the rest of her siblings combined. 

Her first act upon coming into her powers could very well have been the attempted murder of her own sister. 

It’s not just the fact Luther is acting on limited information that’s crucial to the understanding of this scene. It’s what his information was limited to. We see all the evidence and we know Vanya is, while not quite innocent, definitely not acting out of any sort of intent to harm. Luther sees a fraction of what we see, and what he sees is enough to convince him she needs to be contained until they know what to do. For all he knows, she’s returned to finish Allison off and kill the rest of them. 

Now, I hope you’ll pardon a small tangent here: Diego receives much love for insisting that “She needs our help, and we can’t do that if she’s locked in a cage.” Fans point to his being locked in a cell despite his innocence as the reason for this empathy—and all that makes for good character development, but it ignores one vital piece of the puzzle: 

The police didn’t know Diego was innocent, either. 

From his perspective and our perspective, he’s innocent. He was heartbroken and inadvertently planted evidence on a scene he didn’t arrive at until after Eudora’s body was cold. Fingerprints, possibly hair and other bits of DNA were left behind, and when all that is put together with his take-no-shit-from-nobody attitude, the fights he and Eudora had, their possibly acrimonious breakup, and the fact that the last time they were known to speak together, she lectured him on his childish antics and kicked him out without allowing him to speak in his own defense….well, it’s enough to build a strong case, that’s for sure. The police gain much ire for locking Diego up on suspicion alone, but that is literally how the criminal justice system works. If there is evidence beyond a reasonable doubt, the suspect is kept in custody until the police can be certain they did not commit the crime in question and will not commit a similar crime once released. A failure to follow this step can allow a serial killer to roam free (and it has, on several notable occasions). No, it’s not fair or right that Diego could have been convicted on mostly circumstantial evidence; but suppose he had been guilty of a cold-blooded revenge killing. Should the police have let him go then? Should they have said, “Well, we have this evidence against you, and it makes a pretty compelling case, but we’re not 100 percent sure, so be free and try not to kill anyone else”? Point is, they didn’t know what they were dealing with—innocent man or cold-blooded killer—and so they had to err on the side of caution. 

The same principle applies to Vanya. I don’t think Luther was planning to leave her there indefinitely. I am certain he didn’t think she would suffer a psychotic break. He was probably intending to wait a while, give her some time to cool off, and then try to talk to her and see if she’d tried to kill Allison or if it had been an accident. Locking her up was not the right choice, and it was not a kind one, but from his perspective, it was probably better to play it safe and keep her from hurting anyone else. We know she wasn’t guilty, just as we know Diego wasn’t guilty. But the evidence against them both was strong enough to convince the police and Luther that they needed to be kept under watch and kept from hurting anyone else. 

I don’t think Luther was right to ignore his siblings. I think he should have listened to Allison especially, when she said to let Vanya go. But I think I know why he didn’t, and I’ll cover that in my next installment. 

******

Running count of trauma mentions (cumulative of all episodes thus far)

Own Trauma: Vanya 10, Luther 11

Trauma of Others: Vanya 5, Luther 4

*********

*Stands for CALM THE FUCK DOWN. 

**I have a lot more to say about Pogo and his loyalty to Reginald, but I’ll be a good essayist and keep this one focused on Luther and Vanya. 

Read on to Part Nine

[kendrixtermina]

You seem like pretty knowable about Edelgard lore and motivation, so I've been meaning to ask. What exactly was the catalyst that made Edelgard hate the Church of Seiros so much? I know they've done a ton of shitty stuff in general, but what made Edelgard dislike them personally? I looked on the wiki and it either wasn't on there yet or I just didn't understand it. (I want to be able to eventually explain it to my sister who so far thinks Edelgard is evil, she hasn't finished the AM route yet).

IDK if this is something one can be “knowledgeable” about I just played the same game everyone else did, I’m no authority I just like analyzing fictional works for fun.

And whoever added that recent lengthy edit to the wiki article… let’s just say their opinions are discernible.  But they might say the same about me. 

Good vs Sympathetic

First there are some interesting premises hidden in this question - why would a personal motivation be more convincing that a net negative impact on the world at large? It’s the latter a much better reason? 

Like there’s a big difference between saying “they had legit reasons for their feelings/actions” (you could say this even about rhea) and saying that someone’s a force for good. Being understandable and consistent isn’t goodness; IT’s just good writing, and “they can’t help it, of course they acted like this, look at what happened to them” is more an argument for someone being sympathetic/understandable than good. Murder or manslaughter? How much can we blame them for their bad deeds. 

You might have very good personal reasons to hate someone or something, and pursuing that hate at the expense of others could still be a very selfish thing. There are your feelings, and then there’s how you act on them. There are many ways to act on the same feeling. 

Conversely, it is possible to be repulsed by evil or mismanagement just because of its own wrongness/stupidity. If you read about how some evil deed happened to total strangers in a foreign country, you would still be angry and you might even vote, sign petitions or attent protests so it doesn’t keep happening. 

If the Church of Seiros is doing objectively bad stuff, is that not enough to oppose it? Not only does Seiros/Rhea rule everything from the shadows, she’s accountable to no one, and she’s doing a bad job at it. TWSITD are her enemies too but they’re running rampant under her nose and in the recent past, deposed the Emperor and assasinated the king of faerghus to install their own agents.

Rhea may not have intended to let xenophobia, inequality, corruption, obsession with crests and instability to fester but that’s still what happened - and people can’t file complaints because she’s ruling in secret and anyone who complaints in branded a heretic. Almost everyone in the cast has been affected by those issues - the “peace” at the start of the story is illusory. Also, this whole shadow war between Seiros and Agartha is being carried out on the backs of the ordinary people who have no say in anything. At least if you know who the king/lord is you know who to rebel against if there’s no bread.

It’s no good. And as the heir to the largest territory, Edelgard is one of the few people who have a chance to stop it. It’s not easy for her either, given that the empire is thoroughly infiltrated by TWSID agents who would never have let her butt touch the throne if she didn’t play ball, or at least not without a bloody fight that might well end with the empire in splinter factions, aafter all, her father had already been reduced to a puppet ruler (see what happens to Dimitri when he returns to faerghus - Arundel is said to mantain his own personal army)

And since it was one of her ancestors who sold out Fodlan to seiros for power, she might feel that it’s her responsibility to put it right.

The real power isn’t with the people or even the nobles and the rulers of the three factions - it’s with Rhea and TWSITD. They keep burning up people without end for their own causes that have nothing to do with the people themselves, they both see humans as “beasts”… Shouldn’t that be stopped? 

To stop evil is a much better motivation than petty personal grudges.

Edelgard’s thinking

The first thing to understand with Edelgard is that she’s a big picture thinker through and through. For better or for worse she looks at and decides everything based on how it will look in a history book a few centuries down the line. (For prime examples of evidence look at the Dorothea support or some of her lines after fighting Dimitri)

This isn’t to say that she doesn’t have bias or personal influences like everyone else, but she values and strives for objectivity. That means questioning herself alot (something you wouldn’t see that much on routes other than her own as she keeps the tough leader face on in public), it means putting what yields the best results over what she wants or likes, and it means looking at the greater whole. 

She doesn’t just want to get revenge on the specific people who wronged her; She wants to ensue that it never happens to anyone else. She wants to undo the whole situation that allowed for it to happen - even if that means postponing her own revenge and working with those she hates the most. This is very much her putting efficiency and the end result above her own feelings. 

It may well have been Thales and his henchmen who cut her open, but they couldn’t have done it without the cooperation of the corrupt imperial nobles. (likewise, they worked with xenophobic kingdom nobles who didn’t like Dimitri’s dad making peace with the foreigners to orchestrate the Duscur nonsense)

Why were they in power? How were they convinced to allow for such a thing and give Thales the ressources he wanted/needed? Because of the social system that Seiros set up so that crests are equated with power.  

There will always be assholes and evil people, but how much damage they cause depends on wether the system they operate in lets them get away with it.

Also, even when you look just at TWSITD’s involvement, Edelgard’s siblings were butchered to make her a mighty tool for the shadow conflict. Just as Rhea in turn did her own experiments to revive sothis and “regain all that she lost”

So even on the most direct level, what happened was a result of the shadow conflict. 

And it is instrumental to keep in mind that Edelgard wants to remove both shadow factions. 

Her beef’s strictly with them - she knew that the Kingdom and Alliance would probably fight her if she went against the church and was fully prepared to pay that price, but that’s a side effect of going where the enemy is - she handed out letters and pamphlets informing ppl of the church’s evils and asking them to choose sides. 

TWSITD have fearsome power and have infiltrated the empire, but they’re few. The Church got its claws in most local governments. Why not throw the power of the former at the latter, to take down the stronger enemy, and then take out the Agarthans when your power’s consolidated? It’s a decision not about whom to fight, but about whom to fight first. 

Also because of her big-picture thinking she looks at the absolute numbers. In her own words, she’s going for the path of least casualties. 

PPl tend to judge harm caused by action stronger than harm caused by inaction but actually the harm is the same. Acting to remove the two shadow factions will have a cost (the war) but not acting also has a cost - that the dysfuction goes on and on forever. 

She doesn’t particularly want power if it were up to her she’d have chosen a normal ordinary life and she says so on many occasions. But she can stop it, stop the endless sacrifice and dysfunction, so she can’t just let it continue and do nothing. 

Of course with that sorta logic you always have to consider how each action impacts the end result so you don’t destroy all you want to protect because you tell yourself that it will pay off later, after all ‘the many’ are just an abstraction for a lot of individuals. But Edelgard’s not really losing sight of that, she keeps looking to minimize the casualties where she can, she offers people a chance to surrender, you get some lecture questions where she’s genuinely considering what do with rhea if she DOES surrender. 

It’s worth noting that on her route, the war ends the quickest and only the Kingdom lands get significantly wrecked (and the Kingdom always gets wrecked even if it gets rebuild afterwards, it was already in a lot of chaos before the war even started). You have to fight the peeps you don’t recruit but that’s no different in the other routes. Claude manages to seize control of the Church without going through the knights so he manages to pull off an at least equivalent end result (both shadow factions removed, society permanently changed) while offing fewer of the named characters, and lets not fail to give him credit for that,  but he might not have, if Edelgard hadn’t conveniently removed Rhea and just generally blazed a convenient trail for him to, in his own words, “finish the job for her”. Taking in the church with Rhea still in place didn’t work out too well for poor Dimitri, I seem to recall that she used the poor man as a meatshield and set his capital on fire - which is why Claude wisely didn’t touch that hot potato in any route where he doesn’t have Byleth as a bargaining chip. 

Of course that said, going too hard on the comparison would seem to miss the point. While Claude’s and Edelgard’s routes are about their respective grand visions for the future and their badassery as great inspiring leaders, the Church and Kingdom routes are more about people coming together to weather difficult circumstances. Dimitri isn’t really cut out to be a good ruler; but the beauty of his story is how he eventually does his best to become one anyways through the aid of his loyal friends. It’s an underdog story. 

If your sister prefers that sort of story (or just Dimitri himself, as a more emotional, relatable type of hero and a well-crafted, compelling and memorable character) that’s just her personal taste/ good right. 

Edelgard’s personal biases

She surely has a bit of “broken pedestal syndrome” going on, the very human tendency to absolutely reject things you once idealized once they’re proven to be flawed, to assume that if you were lied to often enough, then everything must be a lie… she sure reads what she learns of Seiros’ past actions in a bad light and assumed that Seteth & the others are guiltier/ more complicit than they actually are. 

The problem with Rhea is that she’s selfish, not that she’s a dragon. But if she were the only example you know for what a dragon is like? You might not be too fond of dragons. It’s not like she protests if Byleth spares Flayn and Seteth. 

She doesn’t really know Rhea’s motivation so she has to judge her by her actions and the results of those, and her actions, for all that they come from fear and loneliness, are indistinguishable from power lust by the time that Rhea’s subjugated 30 generations of humans for something their remote ancestors did 1000 years ago. Would she ever have let them go? 

So it doesn’t matter that she only got the partial story on the relics, it’s not the relics she took issue with, but the current state of the world. also Rhea is the one who erased the true records. So the 10 elites totally had it comming, fine - but Rhea’s the one who disseminated the myth that they were heroes in the first place. 

Claude only gets the truth by squeezing it out of Rhea and even then only at the very end, ppl who say that Edelgard “acted on false information” act like Claude just stumbled across the truth with minimal effort. That’s actually more unfair to Claude than to Edelgard if you ask me.... he’s a man who has gathering info as his top priority 24/7

Edelgard’s certainly more steeped in the perspective of her home country where the church is awarded significance and if it turns out to not be good then it’s utterly vile.  Claude has the sort of more detached perspective that he has because he happened to come from another country. Edelgard’s aiming for detachment but that’s only possible to a certain extent when something ruined the lives of nearly everyone you know

At the same time whatever her personal sentiments may be (and im not gonna deny that she does hate the Seiros religion), as far as her actions and decisions go, the engage conversation she has when you have her fight Rhea at the battle:

Rhea:

No matter your reasons, I cannot permit you to go on living any longer!

Edelgard:

The feeling is mutual. I must put a stop to your reign of tyranny!

Rhea:

You must know what a fool you are. The greatest of sins is to make an enemy of the goddess herself!

Edelgard:

I have only made an enemy of the church, not of the faith.

She says in several supports that she personally considers relying on the goddess to be an overly dependent attitude that doesn’t do people good, but that’s just her opinion, she’s not stopping anyone from praying in the privacy of their homes cause thats none of her business and she’s not a tyrant (see what happens if you recruit Marianne or Mercedes, her support with Manuela or the Marianne/Ferdinand support on the CF route, which reveals that he’s actually a believer.)

She just wants the Church, and Rhea specifically, out of politics… exactly what we have in any modern-day country that isn’t Saudi Arabia or the Vatican. 

Megalomania seems the most likely or politically expedient thing to claim but in the end her beef’s not with Rhea’s reasons but the results of her actions which is stagnation, mismanagement and repression. 

Your Actual Question/ Personal Reasons and Catalysts

Honestly? If we’re talking on a strictly emotional/personal level? (As much as that’s an incomplete picture with such a reason-driven character)

She probably bawled for the goddess to save her and her family down in the dungeons, again and again, and no one answered. 

She spent much of her early life just being dragged around, first being kidnapped by Arundel and held captive in the kingdom, then she was thrown in a filthy dungeon where she endured relentless pain and could do nothing but watch as her siblings died one by one. 

She was utterly helpless, a passive plaything of destiny - and then she decided she was done being passive and letting the universe kick her around. She was going to be proactive and do all she could to be in control of her own fate. 

See also the inspiring speeches that she gives to Petra and Lysithea at various points - “Don’t surrender yourself to your fate!” 

Blind reliance on the faith, to her, represents that very surrender, so she rejects it. 

This fear and rejection of being helpless and having zero control is also one of the reasons why she consistently chooses death on her own terms over life on someone elses’. 

That would still not be a valid justification if she wanted to, like, stop everyone from praying, but that’s not what she’s doing. 

[prorevenge]

Act awful all year? Don't expect your re-election or an award!

 This is going to be quite long, so apologies in advance - its a little bit of a two revenge in one, TLDR at bottom. Names changed and all that jazz, her first name is SUPER identifiable so from now on she will be called....Jane.

So, some background - Jane and I met in University when we joined the same nerd club. We became fast friends in the first year, so much so that when it came around to second year we decided to move in together. That was a whole mistake in itself but thats more badroommates territory. A year into our friendship, the committee of the Nerd club was going through its election period and we put ourselves up for two positions, me being top dog and her being second in command, and we got the positions! All was right with the world, I was exited to run the club with my best friend by my side, thought it was going to be a really good year!

Spoiler: It was NOT a good year. Between September and April, she:

Angered three people so much that they quit an event committee that Jane and I were on - all three told me it was because of how badly she treated them, ie belittling them and saying the work they did was crap.

Talked shit about 90% of the clubs membership, including members who had been there years

Complained about having to take part in club events and tried to pawn attending the events off on other people

Would take tasks off of me when she didn't feel I was completing them to her standard, and then get passive aggressive at me for making her do "all the work"

Consistently rude to most of the membership

At one point, rude to our friends within the Union (MASSIVE no-no, if we want to do ANYTHING at all the Union needs to be on our side, they're essentially in charge of all clubs)

Straight up yelled and swore at members on various different occasions, which almost triggered a formal complaint!

I can't stress enough how awful she was. Yes, she ticked all the boxes and was good on paper, but she also upset pretty much everyone in the club in the process, AND a good few people in the Union. Safe to say, even though she was volunteering as lot of her hours into this, she was acting like a real piece of work throughout the whole situation. At one point, she even said she was only doing as many hours as she was so she could get an award at the end of it (this award is basically given to the best committee person that year, in any club and in any position, and it helps if you have a shit ton of hours in your club) which I thought was a bit skeevy. So, since she'd slowly been pissing me off all year, I decided that I was going to try for it instead!

And try I did - I became 150% involved in club activities, including staying late at night to get work done. I made friends with every person in the Union, and was there so much that even the people that didn't know me at least knew my name. I dedicated the majority of my time not doing Uni work to doing club event work, and when the award sheet came around I knew I had done at least as much as Jane had, if not more - and I knew she wasn't going to win. You see, me being friends with the Union people payed off - I had a chat to a few of them, before they decided on who got the award, just about some club events. We got onto the topic of talking about the awards, and someone says "Only one of them would be happy for the other, if they were to win." Immediately faces turn sour, and I just shrug - "It doesn't matter who wins, all that matters is we've improved the club this year: )"., which is something I did/do truly believe. However, her being so rude throughout the year came back to bite her, and I'm sure they took her attitude into account when voting for who won the award.

Cut to the award show, and I can tell she's at least semi-confident she's going to win - she's been talking for the past week about all the hard work she's put in, and lamenting about how she hopes all her efforts haven’t been wasted - obviously hinting at this award that was coming up. Night of, and it comes to announce the award - what do you know, they say my name instead of Janes! I go up, get my award, and come back happy as a clam to a very put out looking Jane. I was told later on that when I went up to get the award, she glared daggers at my back - shockingly not happy that her friend won a well deserved award! And when she took pictures of the Clubs awards at the end (we won a few big ones for a big event we held) she slyly moved my award out of the way so as not to take a pic of it. Cool Jane, you be petty - but I'm not done yet.

Next up was the election period - and once again, Jane wanted to be second in command. Of a club she has done nothing but moan and shit talk the whole. entire. year. I won't be there this year, you see, so she thinks she has free range of the club and can do what she likes with it. A lot of the membership are also graduating, so its unlikely anyone will step up to also run for second in command and beat her. She may be Satan come to earth, but a Satan second in command is better than no second in command. This way, she can still get some sort of award next year - she's been in the committee of a club for two consecutive years, that counts for something!

Until...I find someone to run against her. Because of course I do!

What’s even funnier is that she dismisses the person at first - lets call him Sam - smugly stating that no one would vote for him many times. Sam has been president of a society before, ISN'T widely hated by the clubs member base, and honestly would be a kind of alright second in command. So, instead of going around being as diplomatic as possible when talking to members about the elections, I'm probably too honest. Yes, Jane did such and such as second in command, however she did yell at someone during that event. Oh yeah, Jane has gotten that new game for us which is great, but I think we might have gotten some more if she didn't tell the guy who donated it to us to fuck off. She's really good about doing the paperwork and keeping things running but she doesn't like to come into club meetings so you might not see her much etc etc etc. Just giving people the full, unbiased truth about her - not telling them to vote for Sam, but not painting a pretty picture about Jane either.

Well, queue results night - I've been told the results beforehand, and we are having a club party to announce them. A good majority of the membership showed up to watch what would happen - most of these people were the ones Jane has yelled at or rubbed the wrong way, so they mostly wanted to come to make sure she didn't get in. Jane herself looked fine, like I said she had dismissed Sam as someone who could run against her as she deemed him "incompetent". I made sure to drag that part on for as long as possible and left the second in command position until last. I'm trying to subtly look at her from the corner of my eye when I announce:

"So for second in command next year, you guys have elected - Oh, it's pretty close, but overall, Sam is the winner! Sam is your new second in command!"

Que clapping from every member of the room. Except Jane, of course! She's already up, out of her seat, and storming out. Sends an angry message saying she's not coming to club again, how all of her hard work has been for nothing, how I steal the credit for everything, yadda yadda yadda. I expected as much, to be honest, which is why I lied when I said the voting was "close"

​

It wasn't. The votes were 10 to 40.

TLDR: Best friend and second in command acted like a bitch all year to members of our club and myself - I made sure that I got an award that she felt entitled to, and that she 100% would not be re-elected into the position by making sure someone she hated got the position instead.

Bonus little revenge: When she went home for the summer, she was trying to take 2 of the clubs awards with her as she thought she "deserved them" for her hard work (read: Was jealous I got an award and wanted one too, even though they 100% belonged TO THE CLUB and not to us as individuals). I vetoed that shit real quick, took them from her hands when she tried to take them home, and locked them in a display cabinet in the Union. No awards for you! :)

(source) (story by RAVENGEisSERVED)