#i mean i was planning on blowing myself up in a couple days but then i changed my mind (i like u guys too much)

[1o1percentmilk]

hmmm yeah i should think of somewhere to put myself just in case tumblr blows up

[surielstea]

The Best I Ever Had

Based on this request.

Pairing: Eris x Fem!Reader (Azriel’s ex)

Summary: Reader seeks revenge on her ex-boyfriend, and that revenge just so happens to take the form of a very willing Vanserra.

Warnings: Smut | Minors DNI | p in v | fingering | cervix brushing | no aftercare (not Eris) | angst (not Eris) | manipulation (not Eris)

7.6k words

I've been dating the shadow singer for a little over a year now— but calling it dating seemed to be a stretch. It started with a few dates but inevitably it turned into a cycle of him telling me to come over, we'd hook up, then I'd leave in the morning. If he wasn't busy I'd stay for breakfast, but that was pretty much it.

Now I lay next to him, thoroughly fucked out and sweating. Azriel was a busy male but when he fucked, he fucked good. That fact made me feel selfish for wanting more than just being a casual hookup.

I sigh audibly, sitting up and slipping out of the bed, waddling into the bathroom to get myself cleaned up. That was another thing, once Azriel got what he wanted he was kind of done with me, so aftercare was absent and it made me feel like shit.

I huff as I wipe myself down with a warm rag, then splash water over my face and pat it dry with a soft towel.

I met the spymaster through Morrigan, I hadn't been particularly close to the inner circle but Mor was a good friend of mine, and of course, I could see the way he looked at her, admired her with a silent devotion. He has for years while I just watched in the background. Then the three Archeron sisters showed up and he began doing it to Feyre's sister Elain, or Nesta's friend Gwyn. But never me. Never looked at me that way. I was slowly realizing I was becoming a placeholder until something better fell into his lap.

I turn the faucet off and leave the bathing chamber, shuffling back to the bed, slightly defeated. I slide onto the mattress, my boyfriend already sounds asleep with his winged-back facing me. I yawn and decide I’ll voice my opinions tomorrow after a full night's rest, perhaps over breakfast, I could tell him how I feel.

With a plan in mind and enough exhaustion to make a pegasus pass out, I was able to find a light sleep.

The morning greeted me with an empty bed, Azriel's spot empty, and I doubted the male was downstairs making me breakfast. I grumble a curse as I flip the blankets off of me and get up. I simply glance at myself in the mirror and brush my hands through my hair before leaving his room in my nightgown, rubbing at my eyes as I descend the stairs and into the kitchen.

The clatter of a fork sounds and I turn to my left to see the silent shadow singer who had just finished eating. "You didn't want to wake me up?" I say, squinting at the male's silhouette framed by large windows of the morning light behind him. He shrugged in reply. "Figured you'd rather sleep," He murmured as he stood, collecting his dishes and walking towards me.

As he brushes past me towards the sink I remember the loose plan I had put together last night.

"I was thinking," I start. It was now or never. He turned his head to me slightly, signaling that he was listening while he placed his dishes in the basin. "We've been going out for about a year now, maybe we should do something special?" I offer and he turns to me fully, slight confusion creasing his brows. I didn't understand what was so puzzling about it.

"Like what? And when?" He asks, his tone making me feel like I was scheduling a business meeting. I roll my eyes and take a few steps closer. "I don't know, you're always busy," I sigh, making my annoyance clear. He bristles. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that.

"I just mean, would it kill you to take a break for a day?" I look up at him, my arms behind my back. I hated this. Hated the way he looked down at me as I begged him to just give me the slightest fraction of his attention. He blows out a long breath in contemplation. "I suppose I can take a day off in a couple of weeks," He utters like it's such a chore to leave work.

"A couple of weeks?" I balk with wide eyes and he shrugs again. "I'm not that flexible," He explains and my frown deepens. "Just the other day you took off to help Morrigan with writing letters to the continent," I argue. "That's, different," He said with a slight hesitance in his voice. "How so?" I cross my arms over my chest.

"Because that's Mor," He muttered and a pang of hurt bloomed in my chest. My lip quivered at the words but I maintained my composure. "Listen, I'm not trying to make you sad I'm just telling you the truth," He craned his neck, stretching it out like I was tiring him out with this conversation. "Which is?" My brows raise a fraction. He opens his mouth, then shuts it again, rethinking what he was about to say.

Instead of speaking at all, he leans in and presses a light kiss to my lips, his hands coming to the back of my neck as he slants his mouth over mine. There was no passion behind it, just a move to shut me up and I was a fool to fall for it.

He kisses down my jaw, making his way to my neck where his marks from last night were already fading. His other hand finds my thigh, pushing me up against the counter and hiking up my dress. "Az," I place a hand on his chest. "Az, I don't want to have sex," I murmur, pushing him away and he backs off, confusion in his eyes because that hack has worked every time before.

"I just, I wanted you to look at me the way you look at Elain, or Gwyn, or—" I start. "Don't be ridiculous," His hands come to my cheeks as he interrupts me. "I'm not with them now am I?" He tilts his head. "No, but, you would be as soon as they called," I reason and his gaze falters because he knows I'm right.

"Don't think like that," He shakes his head. Then presses his lips to mine again, his hand returning to my thigh. "Don't think," He whispers and that sets me off. I push him away harder, sending him stumbling a few feet back. He looks at me like I've gone insane. I'm sick of it, sick of feeling so compliant when he wanted me and when he didn't. I was easy to please, and he liked easy, but he loved a challenge more.

"If you're not going to even take the time to make your girlfriend feel like she means anything to you, then," My breath hitched and a stupid smirk came across his features when I didn't finish my sentence. "Then what?" He scoffs. "You're gonna break up with me? Then when you can't find a male who fucks you better than I can you'll come crawling right back, I know how you are," He crossed his arms over his chest and I hated it. Hated that he was right. Because he was such an arrogant asshole but he was handsome and knew how to pleasure a woman. Which was rare to find in the Night Court.

"No, I'm done this time," I stand my ground. "Don't be like this," He sighed at the dramatics of it, looking up to the ceiling like I was draining him. "You always do this," He shakes his head. "I'm serious," I bite out. "Yeah, sure you are," He scoffs, unbelieving of my words as he leaves the kitchen without another word.

I'm serious. I hated being treated like this. I have a long life ahead of me, I can find someone better, perhaps go to another Court where I won't be given such limited options.

I collect my things, forgetting about the rest of my clothes in Azriel's room as I shrug on my jacket, I looked ridiculous with the oversized leather jacket over my short nightgown but I was only going home.

I gave one last look at the house before slipping out and closing the door with a particularly hard slam, making sure he heard I proudly took my leave.

My pride didn't last long before tears began to stream down my face. It was foolish to be crying over my own decision but I couldn't help it. Leaving him meant leaving the entirety of the inner circle, and as close as Morrigan and I were, she'd choose Azriel without a second thought. I knew it, she knew it, and he definitely knew it. So now I was walking through the streets of Velaris teary-eyed, hands shaking as I attempted to wipe them away but inevitably I gave up and just let them run, let myself crumble into the dejection of it all.

I had a house in the hewn city, it wasn't a home necessarily but, it would make do for a few nights until I figured myself out. I muster all of my energy and source my power, before winnowing back to the Court of Nightmares. I sigh in relief to be home, a shock to myself since this is the last place I'd ever want to be. Yet here I was, in my shitty apartment with little to live for. I slump onto the couch and curl into a ball, then just allow myself to bawl and promise myself this is the last time I’ll ever cry over the shadow singer again.

It had been a week.

Azriel was right when he said I’d crawl back to him. This sort of thing happened often, we’d argue then I’d leave until eventually I got too lonely and find my way to his doorstep, he’d take me back and we would pretend to forget about what had happened until the cycle repeated, over, and over, and over again.

But I was done this time. I promised myself I was done and I’m sticking to it. A week was the longest I had gone without going back to him so I took myself to the flower shop down the street to treat myself to something as a reward. Flowers had always brought a smile to my face. Azriel never quite understood when I’d bring him to the gardens, he didn’t see the beauty of them, the way they all lived so harmoniously with each other. So he rarely went to the flower markets with me, it especially hurt when I found out Elain and him had visited the gardens more than—

I shook my head, voiding my thoughts of the spymaster and focusing on the beauty of the white dahlias in front of me. I picked up the bouquet and went to the clerk’s cart to pay. I had visited her whenever I was in the Hewn City, so it was nice to see the familiar face.

She smiles brightly when she sees me. “Just the dahlias for today?” She asks in a raspy tone and I nod. “Yes, but I’ll most likely be back tomorrow for those daffodils tomorrow,” I say, placing five marks down on the counter. “I’ll be looking forward to it,” She says, taking the bouquet from my hands and wrapping it in a burlap paper. “My tulips bloomed this morning, they should be in stock by the end of the week,” She hinted and I grinned at her memory of my favorite flower. “A pleasure as always, Moe,” I say as she hands me the wrapped bouquet.

“Have a good day!” She calls back and I wave at her from over my shoulder before walking down the cobblestones back towards my apartment.

It was a short walk, only around the corner, I had been a few yards away from my apartment yet somehow I still managed to clumsily ram right into a wall while staring down at the flowers— no, not a wall, a male who barely even faltered as I stumbled back. "Sorry, you alright?" Warm hands come to my shoulders, steadying me. I look up to see a familiar set of amber eyes, ones that could only belong to one Eris Vanserra. "Oh, it's you," He uttered but his voice didn’t carry any distaste, only simple curiosity in his gaze. "Are you okay?" The male asks and I was surprised at the concern of his voice.

I often ran into Eris, so much so that it had become sort of a thing between us. I had never loathed him like the others, I understood him better than the rest of the inner circle who had never tried to see more than just a monster. It was clear to me that he was nothing like his father, no matter how much he tried. So clear that it had been a shock to me when Rhys didn’t understand he was only wearing a mask, even when the High Lord had to do something similar while Under the Mountain.

"I'm fine," I shrug with a hurried motion, Eris was also good at reading me, leaving me terrified that he’d somehow see right through my feigned smile. "You sure?" One of his hands left my shoulders only to lift my chin, angling it up towards him. "Who's got a pretty girl like you crying?" He tilts his head, and I blanch. How was he so good at that? I pull away from his touch and avoid his piercing gaze.

"I'm fine," I repeat. "You're a terrible liar, sunshine," He intoned.

Sunshine. A nickname that was only used to remind me that I didn't belong in the Night Court, didn't belong with the Inner Circle at all. There was no place for the sunshine in a place that thrived in darkness.

"Where's that bastard of yours, I doubt he'd like you running around the Hewn City dressed like that," He gestures to my low-cut dress, my cardigan parted just enough to reveal any excessive, albeit impressive amount of cleavage. I press the flowers to my body and a smirk grows over his lips. "He wouldn't care," I grumble. "Really?" He tilts his head. I shrug. "We broke up last week," I don't know why I told him. Some undiscovered part of me has always trusted him, so much that my actions have often betrayed my own thoughts.

"Is that right?" A smile curves his features, nothing but amusement in his tone. "You could at least pretend to feel bad," I frown.

"Why? He lost something he didn't deserve, you gained the freedom to be with someone better. It's a win in both cases, for you at least," He justifies, and a small smile tugs at my lips. "There she is," He admires and maybe it was because I was looking for revenge, or maybe it was because Eris and I had always flirted, but I couldn't help but feel this magnetic pull to the male.

"Hey, do you want to come inside?" I offer, brushing past him and walking up the steps of my apartment, he blinks in shock, I was surprised with myself just as much but I didn't show it. "Just to talk, I'll open a bottle of wine?" I added and his cool demeanor returned.

"Why not," He hummed.

"You're telling me, he did all that— then didn't even provide aftercare?" Eris said in pure disbelief and I nodded with a sigh, thinking myself stupid for letting a male treat me so poorly.

I had spilled most details of my relationship with the Shadow singer to Eris, it may have been wrong to vent to one of the male's many enemies but I owed him nothing anymore, it wasn't like Eris could do much with the details of our relationship anyway.

We sat on my couch, too small for his large legs so I was positioned with my feet in his lap, not that I was complaining once he started tracing shapes on the tops of my knees mindlessly. Eris actually listened, it hadn't been something I hadn’t experienced in quite some time. This easy conversation that made me feel like he wanted to be a part of it. Perhaps it was the three glasses of wine or the glint in his eyes, but what he said next left my head reeling.

"I have a meeting with him today, maybe I should mention it," He hummed, his tone so casual I could hardly tell if he was being serious or not.

"It hurt," I mumble, unsure if I was referring to the sex itself or how he treated me. "It shouldn't," He replies with that damned look in his eyes, reassuring every part of my turmoil. "I know," I shrug.

He doesn't reply, his eyes linger on mine, something beneath that gaze that reminded me so much of how I used to look at Azriel, a certain yearning that I've known so well it was hard to mistake it for anything else.

But before he does something he'll regret, before he gets me attached his breath catches in his throat and he suddenly stands. I look up at him curiously with creased brows.

"Well thanks for the drink, sunshine," He says. I stand, following him to the door like some dog. Was I capable of honing independence for five seconds?

"I appreciate the gesture, but I don't need to be walked out," He gives me a crooked smile, and something foreign pangs in my chest, something I hadn't even felt with Azriel. "But, it was just," I struggle to find exactly what I wanted to say. "Never mind," I sigh, spinning on my heel, angling back to the couch but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back to face him. "It's okay, use your words," he eased and I swore I didn't imagine his thumb stroke on the back of my palm.

"I was just going to ask if you wanted to help me get back at the spymaster," I utter and his brow lifts a fraction. "Are you always plotting in that pretty head of yours?" He leans against the doorway, clearly interested. "You can say no if you want—" I start. "Tell me what I have to do," he sighs and a small smile curves my lips.

"How would you feel about faking a relationship, for the sole purpose of making him mad, nothing more I promise," I say. His brows raise and his hand leaves the knob of my front door. "Why don't I come with you, to the meeting?" I propose. A grin curves his lips. "Look at you scheming," He hums and I roll my eyes. "Who do you think I learned it from?" I smile and he returns it. "Go get cleaned up then, I'll wait," He leans against the closed door and I nod, spinning on my heel and walking down into the hall.

Faking a romance with Eris had been easier than I had thought. Our touches were casual, before the others had even arrived he had his arm slung around my shoulders as if he'd been at my side for the past century. Maybe this was all to get back at Azriel, but my hand on his abdomen didn't have to be there, and I didn't have to look up at him like he stole the breath from my very lungs but it was involuntary, something that couldn't be helped when around him.

He was regal, his features sharp and his words sharper. But more importantly, he actually looked at me, looked at me like I was anything worth importance and more than just a distraction. "You nervous?" He asks, his other arm coming around my waist as I turn to him fully. Everything was so natural, whatever this tether was between us rendered any awkward tension and allowed a casual intimacy.

"No," I shake my head and I meant it, I didn't feel scared with his arms around me, his warm hands splayed over my waist as if they were meant to be there. "You think we'll be convincing enough?" He tilts his head down at me. I peer up at him through my lashes, wrapping my arms around his neck— something about him made me feel so bold, so powerful, so content.

"You want to practice?" He offers with a smirk. "It couldn't hurt," I whisper, his mouth just inches from mine. "Unless you bite," I add and his smirk widened. "Only if you want me to," He shrugs. I grab him by the back of his neck and pull him down, his lips sealing over mine with a fervent force that was unknown to me, his hands mapped my body as he slowly pushed my back into a trunk of a tree, he was entirely addicted to the way I felt, the way I tasted. He was at my mercy and entirely satisfied with the fact.

I arch up into him and he kisses me deeper, pushing me harder into the tree as his tongue swiped over my bottom lip with a needy intent. I parted my lips just wide enough for his tongue to take control, worshipping my mouth like a temple and I could only let him, knew no better but to comply because I loved it, loved the attention, the feeling of him giving me his all while I met him halfway, giving and taking.

“Gods, are you done?” A familiar voice grumbles from the distance and I freeze, Eris’s lips slip from mine, and a broad smirk breaks across his features as he turns to face two winged men, revealing me in the process.

Their eyes weren’t on Eris like mine were, they were pinned directly on me. I smile softly as Eris possessively tightens his hold around my waist, fingers digging into my skin through the material of my dress.

Cassian and Azriel continued to gawk at me, the both of them held straight expressions but their eyes didn’t leave me once, brows twinged upward in both shock and concern, as if I was in any more danger with Eris than with Azriel.

“Are we going to get this over with or are you going to continue to stare?” Eris cut through their gazes and both their eyes snapped towards him. “What’s she doing here?” Azriel seethed, crossing his arms over his chest like he always did when he was infuriated. He was so easy to read for a spymaster. Eris seemed to have recognized this too, anyone angry had little control over what they said, making Eris gain the high ground.

“We can trust her, if that’s what you’re worried about,” The male beside me retorts. Azriel only ground his teeth in reply.

The meeting had started and they began talking about politics, to which I quickly tuned out. Azriel made a few digs at me but it was nothing but a toddler lashing out over not getting what he wants.

It was amusing to watch his cool demeanor deteriorate while Eris found every weakness and dissected it with insults and remarks, I just stared up at the red-haired male with an amused grin, my arms wrapping around his torso, occasionally pressing kisses to the top of his hand that had been slung around my shoulders.

I can remember kissing Azriel’s hands, the scars, it was one of our better moments. It was a low blow to do it to Eris too but it had happened without thought, like an instinct and it made Azriel absolutely feral.

Once the meeting was over Cassian was quick to grab Azriel’s arm and tell him to winnow before he could say anything he’d regret.

“Always a pleasure Cassian,” Eris smiled to the male. “Shadow singer,” He nods his head. “If you don’t mind I’d like to leave early, we have places to be,” Eris looks at me with a smile and I return it. “Yeah enjoy my sloppy seconds,” Azriel spat and I smirked. “You’re the one who told me to find someone who could fuck better than you,” I scoff. “Don’t be jealous because I did.”

“Jealous? Why would I be jealous when I had you before you started whoring yourself around—” He started. “Az,” Cassian warned, even his brother was upset at him. It felt good to make him hurt, felt like power. Eris looked like he was about to retort, looked angry, and angry meant having little control over what you say so I placed a hand on his abdomen and he clamped his mouth shut with a low growl. He knew this was my battle, knew it should go out on my terms. However, that didn’t stop his fingertips from singing with fire.

“It’s humiliating, honestly Az,” I tease. “Don’t call me that,” He bites but I ignore him. “First you lose Elain to Lucien, and now me to his brother?” I say like it’s something to study, a truly demeaning tone. It made him furious. “Maybe you’d be better off going for girls who don’t want you,” I shrug and the spymaster snarled, Cassian winced at the indirect mention of Morrigan. “Just a suggestion,” I shrug, then look to Eris, signaling that I’m finished.

“Excuse us,” Eris flashes them a smile as he slips his warm hand into my cold one. Eris doesn’t wait for them to reply before he winnows us away, back to my apartment.

“You’re a lot more cunning than you look, Sunshine,” Eris says, his hand leaving mine in favor of coming to my cheek as I peered up at him. “I wasn’t too mean, was I?” My brows crease in worry. I wanted to get back at Azriel, sure, but I wasn’t looking to break any alliances. “There’s the girl I know,” He uttered. “I didn’t mean to be impolite— I just,” I begin to ramble until he tilts my head up manually to face him, making me seal my lips shut at the wonder in his eyes, how he looked at me the way no one has before.

“You were perfect,” He reassured. “And watching you tear him apart was awfully attractive,” He smirked. “I did not tear him— what do you mean?” I snap my head up to look at him and he shrugs. “I’m just saying, I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t want to,” He shrugs. He wanted to?

“Do you, still want to?” I asked meekly with his hands on my cheeks and my heart pounding against my ribs so loud I was sure he could hear it.

“So shy,” He observes with a growing smile. “That’s okay, we can work on that,” He says like it’s a pressing issue, clearly excited to corrupt it out of me.

I rise onto my toes and crash my lips onto his, warmth blooming in the pit of my stomach at the sensation. My hands came to his jaw while he traveled down onto my waist, one finding purchase at my hip while the other came under my hip, tapping twice and indicating for me to jump. I wrap my legs tightly around his torso as he catches me.

My back bows as he leans into it, tilting my head to the side and opening my mouth for his tongue. We blindly stumbled down the hallway, he must’ve been guessing his steps because he was too busy with his lips on mine, too enamored with our kiss to ask which door was my bedroom.

He got lucky and opened the door to the master chamber, quickly closing the door behind him.

I didn’t want to waste another moment without his skin to mine, a moment without him inside of me, a moment without his hands in my hair— so I was grateful when my back met the mattress of my bed and he crawled over me, settling between my open legs, hovering above me with his hands on either side of my head.

We were both panting when he pulled away, need blazing in his eyes like a fire and I leaned closer to smother it, or get burned by it, I hadn’t decided yet.

His lips reconnected with mine and I was quick to reach for the buttons of his shirt, pulling him free from the fabric that strained against his muscular arms while he worked at the ties of my dress.

We were a tangle of limbs and needy pulls until eventually he thrashed my dress off and I unbuckled his pants. He breathed deeply as he pulled away, taking my bare body in, studying every curve and fill of my figure. Gods he looked like an animal with that glint in his eyes. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” He confessed, head dipping into my neck and leaving sloppy love bites trailing from my jaw to my collarbone. “You imagined this?” I murmur, attempting to tease him but it came out all too soft and innocent. “Fuck, every night baby,” He admits and my cheeks flush.

He manages to get his pants off, freeing himself from the constraints of his boxers. I nearly gasped at the sight of him because, Mother, he was huge.

“Eris I don’t think I can,” I look down at his erect member with creased brows, afraid he might split me in half.

“I know baby, it’s okay, we’ll stretch you out first,” He reassured, placing a gentle kiss on my neck and I nodded, trusting him.

“You want my tongue or fingers?” He questions and his sultry gaze leaves me wanting his lips on mine. “Fingers,” I say, only because I favored his lips when they were kissing me. I’d have to see how good he was with his tongue at a different time.

He flashed an animalistic smile before leaning down and sealing his mouth over mine, tongue immediately finding its place swirling with mine, not a battle but a dance.

He practically rips my panties off, and then two of his fingers dive into my soaked folds, my arousal lubing his hand. He smiles at the feel of me, how wet I was over just a few kisses.

His thumb made contact with my clit and I arched, a soft moan slipping from the base of my throat and he caught it with his mouth. He smirks, his fingers beginning to circle over my pulsing entrance, I ached for him, for all of him.

“Eris,” I pleaded out and that was all he needed before he sent both of his long, wide fingers into my cunt. I gritted my teeth at the stretch, holding back moans as he began to curl them expertly inside of me, flicking over that sensitive spot with ease like he knew exactly where I wanted him.

“Fuck, so good at that,” I murmur incoherently, sweat lining my brow as he continues to pleasure me with his hand alone.

His thumb returned to that delicate bud, teasingly circling it with the perfect amount of pressure. My breathing becomes heavy as a symphony of moans is pulled from my chest. There was no way to explain the feeling in my abdomen, the feeling he caused. It was engrossing and hot, so fucking hot.

He was like a furnace above my body, absorbing all the heat from the room so he could possess it, burning over me.

“Eris, I can’t s’too much,” I whisper helplessly and his hand continues to work, continuing its relentless pleasure over my pussy.

“Be a good girl and cum on my hand, alright?” He instructs and I suck in a sharp breath, feeling that orgasm pick up then tumble over that fine line. My legs jolt as I find release, doing exactly as he said and reaching my high on his fingers alone. “That’s it, just like that,” He hummed, helping me down from my climax as he pulls his fingers from my stimulated cunt.

“You think you’re ready to take me Sunshine?” He tilts his head with a caring look in his eyes, if I didn’t know any better I’d think he was being mean, but his touches were gentle and his movements were slow, hinting that if I wasn’t ready he would stop and we could go to bed now.

“I want you inside Eris,” I confess. I wanted him more than just inside. I was ready to cut myself open and allow him to dissect me, analyze me. But I’d have to settle for this connection instead. “Please,” I beg, tears at the corners of my eyes from my earlier release and he nods. “Tap me twice if it’s too much alright?” He kisses my cheek with the intimacy of lovers who have been tangled in bedsheets for decades. “Okay,” I nod.

We watch as he aligns his heavy cock with my entrance, a pearl of his pre-cum budding at his red, angry tip. He swipes himself through my folds a few times, the weight of him alone enough to satisfy. He lathers himself in my arousal, then strokes himself once, twice, until finally, he pushes his head into my aching slit. He grunts at the tight feeling and I was unsure if I was pushing him out or sucking him in.

He moves deeper, going quicker as to get the most uncomfortable part for me over with. His movements remain gentle, my fingers intertwine into his deep, auburn hair. Whiskey-colored eyes stare down at me half-lidded and it only leaves my heat sopping wet.

I swallow my moans as he reaches halfway, then deeper. He brushes over that perfect, sensitive spot then somehow goes further. I hadn’t even known it was possible to be so fucking long because by the time he had sheathed himself entirely his tip lightly kissed my cervix.

I writhed beneath him as he began to pull in and out, thrusting his hips at a leisurely pace, feeling out what made me feel good and where he was when I moaned the most. He was specializing this entirely to me and how it made me feel.

“Faster,” I panted. “Fuck, Eris I want you feral,” I plead, the tears that had been threatening at my eyes now spilling onto my cheeks, down onto the mattress below my head. He followed my instruction, picking up his pace and beginning to piston himself into me with such a maddening force that the bed began to creak against the power.

He held me tight so I didn’t move up the bed with his movements, and the sounds, the wet, lewd sounds of his cock entering me over and over sent me into a moaning mess.

“Spread your legs,” He ordered. I did as he said, going as far as I could manage. “That’s it, wider baby,” He hummed and I let out a cry of pleasure as he brushed my cervix at his next thrust, breath leaving my lungs momentarily at the feeling. He smirks at the way I squeezed him tighter. He grabbed my thighs and forced my legs apart himself, folding me in half and bringing them up to my chest, holding me in a mating press.

I whimpered at the realization that I was completely vulnerable for him, laid entirely bare and I fucking loved every second of it.

A fire roared in the hearth, the warm light making his skin practically glow with the sheen of sweat on his chest. “You’re so tight,” He grunted out in between thrusts. “You feel so good wrapped around my cock.” My pussy pulsed at that, at the unapologetic force of his shaft as he rammed into me, the dirty words, the perfect sounds that filled the room.

Eris continues to push into me, faster this time, his speed outmatched and the look in his eyes, pure lust. He leans down and trails kisses from the side of my neck, taking in the expanse and leaving it with marks and saliva. He kisses to the back of my ear, his soft whimpers inaudible if he was any farther sent me reeling, gods he whined every time he drove into me and I loved every fucking moment of it.

“All mine,” He purrs at the shell of my ear, his breath fanning over my jaw. “All yours,” I reply and he twitches at the devoting words. “No one else can fuck you this good, isn’t that right?” He hums and I mewl— because he was right, he sent me to planets of pleasure, the emotion behind each of his thrusts left me convulsing.

“Mhm,” I nod. “Best I ever had, Eris,” I pant and he smiles, nipping at my earlobe before returning his attention to rolling his hips over mine, his balls slapping against my ass as my slick drips onto my thighs.

He continues to push into me, every injection harder and deeper than the last leaving me to spiral beneath him. His base rubbed against my clit and that had been my breaking point. “Eris, I’m gonna—” I couldn’t even get the words out. “I know, me too baby go ahead,” He allowed and with his next thrust hitting my cervix I found that sweet ecstasy and it was more than just a wave of pleasure it was a tsunami, crashing down onto me with a force I thought I’d never recover from. I felt full, complete.

He followed soon after, his release pumping into me and painting my walls white, and gods he was so close to my womb I could feel his warm seed seep into my cervix while I milked his cock dry.

I pant and my legs jolt as he guides them away from my chest and slowly pulls himself from my throbbing cunt, still squeezing him in despite just experiencing the best orgasm of my life.

He flipped over onto the pillow beside me. Our pants filled the room as the fire dwindled into ash and we were left in the darkness, with nothing but the company of each other.

We lay there for only a moment before Eris left my side on the bed, pulling his boxers back up. I assume he’s going to leave now that whatever transaction this was is over, and even if I felt my heart crumbling to pieces I’d let him go. We didn’t owe each other anything, there was no reason for him to stay anymore, even if I wanted him to.

I ignored the noises of clothes ruffling and drawers opening, closing my eyes and waiting for him to leave until I got up to clean myself.

That was until warm arms came beneath my back and thighs, hoisting me up into his arms bridal style.

“What are you doing?” My brows crease, arms wrapping around his neck involuntarily. “I’m getting you cleaned up,” He explains with such a casual smile it makes my heart beat twice as fast.

He led me into the bathroom and placed me on the cool counter, the apex of my thighs aching with an already developing soreness. “Why don’t you tell me about your day?” He offers, finding a rag beneath the sink and wetting it with warm water. “You were with me for most of my day,” I mumble and he smiles at the fact. “Tell me about before, talk to me,” He says and an odd feeling begins to spread in my chest, the kind that made my cheeks flush and my head spin.

So I did. I told him about my day, how I went to the flower market and ran into a familiar face, how I invited him in for wine and it managed to end in the best sex of my life.

I also told him about how I felt when I was getting my revenge on Azriel. Told him that it made me feel powerful, but also that I was satisfied where it ended and I wasn’t interested in associating with him at all any longer.

I told stories, topics varying in length until I was sure I had been talking his ear off— but he was listening, chiming in now and then, signaling that he was still tuned in to whatever I had to say. It was healing to talk about all of this while he cared for me, his touches gentle and his calloused fingers warm. He healed internal scars with those hands.

When I cleaned myself up I wiped myself down and then changed into a nightgown before getting into bed. He took his chance to go above and beyond, he even offered a bath but I told him I was tired so he only wiped me down in touches so featherlight I would’ve missed it if I hadn’t been staring at him in the low lighting the entire time.

He brushed through my hair and made sure I was okay and safe. I had realized he was so gentle with me because of the way his father had treated women in the past, his mother in particular. Becoming a male like that seemed to be Eris’ greatest fear, which made clear why he was so soft with me. And perhaps it was also because I deserved the kindness.

“This one?” He held up my softest nightgown and I nodded, putting my arms up so he could slip it over my head. He grinned as I adjusted the dress down past my head, leaving my hair in my face, making me grin wildly. He reached out and brushed it behind my ears.

“I love that smile,” He hums and my cheeks burn with a blush. He then leans in and presses a loving kiss to my lips. I had never experienced anything quite like it and now I never wanted anything else. He pulled away, analyzing my features beneath the dim light, and if I wasn’t red from his earlier comment I definitely was now.

“Alright, let’s get you into bed,” He reached beneath my thighs and hoisted me up into his arms, carrying me back into my room and then laying me down on the soft mattress.

I sigh contentedly as he slips into the bed beside me. “Can you hold me,” I whisper, feeling confident enough around him to ask such a thing. “Was planning on it,” He smirks, wrapping his arm around my torso, and pulling me right into his chest.

I smirk excitedly, slinging my leg over his torso and wrapping my arms around the back of his neck. “I thought you were tired?” He murmured as I pecked all over his face in lazy kisses. “I don’t want to waste this,” I confess and his gaze softens. “I’ll be here in the morning,” He reassured and I swallowed thickly. “Promise?” I murmur and he nods, pressing a hard kiss on my forehead. “I promise, sunshine.” And those words sent me into the first peaceful slumber I’ve had in a while.

Eris had not been in the bed next to me when I awoke. A sense of hurt and betrayal ran through me at the sight of the empty bed. I audibly groaned in defeat, muttering curses into my pillow because last night had left me so hopeful, but I suppose what’s easy in the evening is a drag by morning.

I huff and slip from my covers, adjusting the straps of my nightgown and leaving my bedroom with small, waddling steps due to my horribly sore legs.

I continued my slow, depressing trudge until I made it into the kitchen and froze at the sight of Eris leaning over the stove, making breakfast.

“You’re going to get burned cooking shirtless,” I warn, ignoring the visible release of tension in my shoulders. Because he held up his promise, even better, he’s making me food. He whirls around to face me with a small smile. “I won’t get burned,” He scoffs, holding his hand out to the fire of the stove, the flames growing then reaching towards him and forming into a ball in his palm.

I marveled and walked closer, staring straight into the flickering ball of heat, dangerously close. “You won’t either,” He says, uncurling his fingers and allowing the fire to stretch into a line of flames leading from me to him. My breath hitched as the flame came into contact with my skin but it didn’t burn, in fact, it barely even tickles. The serpent of fire twines around my wrist, dancing along my skin and I smile, looking up at him excitedly like I was the one controlling it.

“See? You’re safe,” He says then retracts the flames and feeds them back into the fire at the stove. Safe. That was the feeling that’s been filling that pit in my stomach.

“Now, you hungry?” He tilts his head and I look up at him in wonder, why was I ever settling for less when I could have everything I ever wanted with him?

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips hard onto his, attempting to show my gratitude through the action, my chest pressing to his as his arms came around me, heating my frame as I exposed my fragile heart to him and he returned the movement with the same tenderness. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He mumbled against my mouth, making me smile giddily up at him.

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[mitsua]

Redamancy

Loving someone who loves you back.

🪼: so this was supposed to be an Izuku snapping at reader but I couldn't bring myself to write about this man being mad... I´m sorry not sorry but maybe in the future I could actually get that done. Maybe? Idk today I wanted to cry myself to sleep.

Warnings: rude people, mentions of self-depricating thoughts (but none explicitly written), low self-steem, crying

Genre: reverse comfort Series: Boku No Hero Academia

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya × GN! Y/N Words' count: 1.26k

Izuku's known as a selfless man, a selfless hero—your selfless hero at that.

He's always looking out closely while on patrol to do not let the slightest suspicious thing get out of his sight and catch danger in any form that may present itself, day by day.

People recognize him, greet him, smile polightly, shout excitedly, ask for a photograph with him, a signature—yes, his status has really given him a grand popularity.

But just as much as he greets back, gives small chats, returns a bright smile, shouts back, takes photographs and gives off signatures, he also encounters rude people every once in a while.

He brushes it off, he really tries to when it does so happen.

His first thought being 'they might just have a bad day, everyone has it!', always empathazing and letting people's disrespect get lost in the wind.

Until that wind comes back in a hurricane when the bad day hits him instead.

He brushes it off, or so he thinks. But he knows and you know too—everything anyone's ever told him got into him one way or another.

Thus making him the person you're so proud of to call today your husband, yes, you admit Izuku has this great mindset of turning the imposible—even if it's with tiny steps—a little more possible with progress.

He has a contagious positivity, you know it and he knows it.

'Then why can't I be positive today too? They need reassurance,' he thinks as he just got on a mission out of the city on places were being too powerful or too weak were seen badly.

He's tried greeting, smiling, but has only received scoffs and some offensive comments towards heroes in general. A tiny percentage of the poblation going too far and talking about him in specific being the last drop to spill the glass.

He gets in his hotel room—after being ignored by the workers when he entered and gave a small 'goodnight' out of his habit of being polite—plops in the bed and moves his hands to rest on top of his eyes.

'Don't cry,' he pleads himself. 'They're way more debastated here, you must show a reassuring attitude to let them see heroes mean no harm.'

A tear falls, then a second one and a third one.

It's not until he's fully sobbing with all the harsh emotions he bottled up in the day or even when he was still in the city that he hears his phone had your shared favorite song as your contact's ringtone that he stops spiralling further. A videocall from you.

"Hi! I just wanted to call to tell you goodnight quickly, I know you must be tire-" a sob. You heard him sob once, then twice.

"Izuku?" You got worried, he still hadn't said anything and he got his camera turned to the ceiling that could barely be seen due to the lack of light in the room.

Thinking he might have had a rough day you come up with a quick plan to help him.

"Hey, I know you're usually the one talking but I'll kindly request to do so tonight," you ask and even though he didn't answer either way you spoke again, "alright, and-well, I know I said I'll talk but I'd like to do something else as well..."

For a moment there was complete silence, then bed sheets being shifted around and a couple of grunts coming from your side. It gave Izuku's mind the chance to start wondering towards self-depricating thoughts again, until he heard something close to a documental.

"Aaand with that final blow Pro-hero Deku achieves victory and citizens' safety once again! ...Watch him throw his fist in the air meaning peace has been brought to us again!" A male commenter's vivid voice declared. "Deku helped a grown adult cross the sidewalk, look at this cute pictures!" Then a female's. "Oh, I'd kill to get Deku to patrol in my city," a foreigner's voice mentioned exhasperatedly.

You were showing him a copilation of videos fans of his had made of all his greatest and little heroic actions. Each of them spoke so highly of him—discussed and analyzed his movements and in-the-moment decisions through and through—just as he once did with the heroes he admired. He now was one of them, people admire him.

He could see and feel people's positivity reaching out to him, to help him too. By now, his tears had stopped, only a few sniffles could be heard.

"And last but not least," you whispered to do not break the comforting low volume tonight's call has had, "So, what do you think about Deku?" a reporter's voice. Izuku perked up at this and you internally celebrated you could see more of his face now that he's grabbed his phone with both hands and brought them closer to watch the video you were reproducing in your laptop.

He recalled that voice and that question. "The kindest and brightest people I've ever met, really." You answered.

This interview had been made by fans all across the country once the news about Deku's fiancé were leaked out. You turned to admire Izuku who had been surrounded with more paparazzi. The camera caught it all.

He remembered hearing that voice only faintly behind him.

You've both had been returning from a date and (un)fortunately been caught by a fan of his. People crashing into each other to get a hold of you two. They managed to separate you from him to interrogate you individually as on their plans.

But once he started politely answering some of their questions, he couldn't hear anything else than his voice and cameras' clicking.

You never told him they had interviewed you too, how could he not seen or thought about that?

Izuku observed keenly through the whole thing. You only spoke praises and your eyes, oh your eyes, they kept solely on his form.

Sure, you apologized a couple of times for going out of topic or speaking too much—'just as I'd do,' he thought—but kept on doing it seemingly in an unconscious manner.

"Why'd you choose Deku?" their last question. "Izuku, he has taught me about many good things in life I can no longer count them with both hands, he's been the sweetest and most honest being I've known-also, a greatly empathetic and understanding person, and for that I admire him even more, but also know about some of his struggles and as my love grows stronger each day my heart begs to help him, I want to help him too."

Your eyes got glassy as you spoke, the people got silent, internally crying for such words from you and both of you being so lucky for being with each other. As some started cheering you both and cooing, you'd made it closer to him until you could catch him by surprise in the middle of his last question with a peck on his cheek.

Then the screen turned black.

Now you both were sniffling...

"I love you Izuku, I really hope I can show you and help you just as much as you've done for me." You expressed firmly, closing your laptop and smiling through some tears.

"Thank you, thank you so much-I-I really appreciate I do-don't know what to say-" "-don't worry, there's no need Izuku, I, I just hope my message has gotten through..."

"It did," now that he had the screen closer, it enlighted a bit more his face and you could see him smiling too. "I love you too."

All writings' rights reserved © 2024 Mitsua. (Credit to the respective owners of the picture and tagged anime character.) ⌇ my navigation!

[starsturniolos]

I think he knows

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Fem Reader

Synopsis: Matt is y/n’s childhood bestfriend. Y/n has always had a thing for Matt , but unbeknownst to y/n , matt knew the whole time.

Warnings⚠️ : smut , fluff , teensy bit of angst if u squint, use of nicknames (baby, love)

This is my first story on this app so bear w me pls😭

————————————————————————

It was just another day , a day that I had planned to hangout with Matt. I check my phone and I see that he had texted me that hes here. I skip along my porch steps and run to the car , waving eagerly at the blue eyed boy waiting for me in the vehicle.

“Hey y/n!” Matt says , his eyes lighting up at the sight of me.

“Mattyyyyy!!! Ive missed you!” I squeal and lean over to hug him lightly.

“Ew never call me that again. Strictly Matt.” Matt says , playfully disgusted.

“Awwww cmon matty you know you like it.” I say in a playful sing-song teasing manner. Matt scoffs and starts the car. I set up my things for my passenger side of his car. Matt begins driving us to a café and I adjust my makeup using his mirror.

One of matts hands grips the steering wheel and the other rests on the center glove compartment. I had always liked Matt, not like a friend. I like liked him. My life would end if he ever found out , and to be honest part of me thinks he knows.

“Soooooo, how was your morning matty?” I tease again. He scoffs and blows the question off.

“It was fine l- i mean y/n” Matt speaks.

“Wait what were you about to call me?” I ask and look at him, my eyes practically pleading him to repeat himself. “N-Nothing y/n dont worry about it.” He says and adjusts his pants.

“Whatever you say matty.” I say and flip open my phone, matts instagram profile pops up I go to comment on his post. A couple hours pass and the ride had stayed an awkward silence ever since that nickname nearly slipped matt’s lips.

“Were here.” Matt states and gets out the car to go open your door. “Such a gentleman.” I say and he blushes slightly.

Matt and Y/N walk into the café and get a table for two at the counter, the view is perfect. The sun a perfect orange contrasting with the purpley pinkish sky. Y/N picks up the menu and starts looking at the options.

I kick off my heels and start putting my feet on top of matt’s white airforce 1’s. “Being a girl hurts.” I complain and move my feet on his shoes playfully before sliding them back on my feet. As I remove my feet i see matt adjust his pants again.

“Whats wrong Matty? Youve been moving a whole lot tod-“ My words are interrupted by matts lips pushed against mine. I let myself get lost in the passionate kiss before he pulls away, looking into my eyes, searching for the right words to say.

“Does that answer your question y/n?” Matt asks and continues to look at me with desperation and lust in his eyes.

“N-No, W-Why did you kiss me Matt?” I ask, not knowing what to do.

“Because im inlove with you, y/n. From the day we met I knew I had a crush on you, and you do too. I can see the way you look at me, how you copy what I do, what I wear. How you try to get along with my insufferable friends just so you can hang around with me. I know you like me y/n. I like you too.” He speaks with a breathy voice, continuously searching for the answer in my eyes. Without a response, I pull him into another kiss, this time more desire and lust overwhelming us.

Matt slams a hand on the table, $200 leaving his palm. He pushes me out the door, his lips never leaving mine, he opens the car door, pushing me down on the carseat, quickly taking off his shirt and starting to try to unbutton mine. I submit completely, letting his hands roam my half naked body.

“Matt..~” I moan softly. My eyes never leaving his.

“I know baby I know..~ So eager for me..~”

His praise only makes me want him more. He leans down to kiss my neck, continuing to undress me. I soon get too impatient and rip my skirt off by myself.

“Mmm..~ Somones needy..~” Matt coos, a smirk paints his painfully beautiful face. I nod and buck my hips toward him, his erection now resting comfortably on my stomach. I whine in a effort to get him to fulfill my needs.

“Shhh..~” Matt whispers softly. He unbuttons his pants, pulling his boxers down aswell. His erect cock springs out and I lick my lips. He preps my entrace by entering two of his fingers, curling them slightly at the end, drawing helpless moans from my slightly agape lips.

“May I?” Matt asks with a grin on his face, satisfied with my horny expression. I dont say a word, I just nod frantically, consenting to his words. At this cue, he pulls his fingers out, licking them clean.

He gives his dick a stroke and then slowly pushes inside of me. An immediate moan leaves my mouth, my head tossed back and my back arched. “Oh fuck, Matt..~ Y-Youre so big..”

“Mmmm you feel so good ma.” He says as he starts thrusting in and out of me, grabbing a hold of my wrists as I squirm beneath him.

“Youre taking me so well baby. I didn’t know youd be so tight. You dont know how long ive thought about this.”

I say nothing but moan, letting my legs wrap around his waist. “M’gonna cum..~ P-Please let me cum.” I moan out desperately, waiting for his permission.

“Fuck yeah baby, cum with me.” He says smirking, he grabs my waist harder as we chase our highs together. After we have hit our orgasms, matt pulls out and cleans me up.

“Okay love lets get up.” He says, grabbing my hands moving me up, picking me up off the bed. He sets me on the floor and I collapse to the floor. “Mmph.. fuck.” I sigh.

“Shit baby you okay?” He asks and quickly lifts me up. He rubs my back lightly and kisses my forehead softly.

“Fuck matt, you took my ability to walk.” I giggle and blush slightly.

“My pleasure” He replies and laughs with me. He walks me to the bathroom and we shower together. Later we talked about our feelings and now he’s finally mine.

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 10:

You been stressed out lately. Yeah, me too…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

"Take care, ma belle!" I said and she nodded.

"We will text every day!" she said and I smiled, as best as I could.

"Pinky promise?" I looked her in the eyes.

"Pinky promise!" she blushed a little.

After one last kiss on her forehead she walked to the car and got in, then opened the window.

"Good luck in Portimaõ, Charlie bear!" she said with that beautiful smile that made my knees go weak. JK started the car and they drove off. I walked on the streets, watching as the car turned left. And she was gone. I don’t know how long I stood there, as someone said my name.

"Charles? What are you doing in the middle of the road?" Joris asked and I turned around "Get off there, mate!"

"I was saying goodbye to Lizzie." I swallowed hard and walked back to my house, Joris following me.

"Oh… I see. It’s good for her, I guess? She wasn’t having it the easiest here, right?" he said and I looked at him a little confused.

"What do you mean?" I asked and he just shrugged his shoulders as we stepped into the elevator.

"Well, it was loud, busy, she couldn’t catch a break outside." he said hastily and I eyed his expression. In the last months I had more than once the feeling that Joris wasn’t completely honest with me, that he was hiding something. And not just him, also Riccardo, Marta and even Arthur. But I couldn’t grasp what.

"You sure that’s it?" I asked again and Joris closed his eyes for a moment "Joris?"

"There’s a video. From you and Lizzie. On your boat… when Lizzie had a little problem with… you know…" he began and my eyes widened. I knew exactly what he meant "Yeah, well anyways, someone filmed it and put it on Instagram… she saw it…"

"When was this? And why haven’t you told me that?" I was mad.

"On Friday, that’s why she asked us to not talk about it. She didn’t want to ruin your birthday…" he said and I scoffed. That’s so typical for her.

"That’s why she was coming back from the toilet looking like she cried? Not because it was all too much? It was because of that video!" I said and Joris nodded "Great. And no one told me. Were there some more posts like that over the last months?"

"Umm… yeah. A few more…" Joris admitted and I stormed out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. As Joris walked in and closed the door I was already sitting on the sofa, looking through Instagram.

"Show me, the accounts, the videos, everything…" I insisted and he shook his head "Joris! Show me!"

"Charles, it won’t help Lizzie at all if you see them, there were really mean ones and she was relieved that you didn’t know about them. So please, don’t look at them now!" Joris pleaded and I looked for it myself, searched for Lizzie’s name as a hashtag, but after a couple of minutes I put my phone down. They were putting her down, bashing her, it wasn’t just a bunch of sexist comments that she’s overrated and compared to "real" drivers she wouldn’t stand a chance, no, there were fan accounts taking everything she was doing apart, the way she dressed, the jokes she made, the way she behaved, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Other’s were comparing her with Camille and how much prettier and well fitting Camille was for me. Which was ridiculous, Camille was pretty, no doubt, but Lizzie’s beautiful, natural, simply gorgeous. And in what way did Lizzie behave wrong? I read through some comments and they were all just nasty.

"So this has been going on for the last year?" I said after I had composed myself.

"Yeah… once I found out about it I confronted her, but you know her! She was playing it down, saying she didn’t care about it. She just wanted me to not tell you about it, because it was a little embarrassing, her words not mine, and she didn’t want you to see that…" Joris sighed.

"This stops now. I will post something." I said and picked up my phone again.

"Charles, don’t do that! These haters will blow up her phone as soon as whatever you’re planning to do is out… she’s away from it all now, she can heal! So let her do that in peace!" he pleaded and I looked at him for a while.

"I hate it when you’re right…" I mumbled and leaned back "She will be okay, right? Lizzie? She will get over all of this bs and… she’ll be the old Lizzie again?” My old Lizzie.

"I think so…" Joris answered and plopped down next to me "It’s going to be good for her, focusing on herself without… without any other thoughts."

"Yeah, she needs that now." I said and nodded. I wanted nothing more than for her to recover, not just physically, but also mentally, because as it seemed there was a lot of damage as well. I was mad at her for not telling me. But on the other hand, it was typical for her, always putting anyone else first before thinking about herself. She was the most selfless person I’ve ever known and most of the time she was this selfless because of me. That’s why it hurt even more reading her post in the evening. I knew that she was playing it down how she felt, but I didn’t know that it was this bad. How couldn’t I see it? How couldn’t I see how bad the last weeks, no the last year, was for her mental health? Maybe I should’ve focused more on her…

"So, have you thought about it?" Camille asked and I looked up at her confused "Us, moving in together?"

"Umm… well, no, not really. Sorry, there’s just so much going on right now, you know? Lizzie, the race tomorrow, the media, I just… I just hadn’t had the time to do so!" I said and Camille rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, we’ll you should focus on the race tomorrow, that’s the only important thing right now…" she sounded mad, I nodded absently and she sighed and got up "I’ll take a shower, you’re coming with me? Charles?"

"Huh? Oh, no, no I gotta go and see Andrea…" I lied and scrambled up.

"Why?" Camille asked.

"I feel a little tense in my shoulder blades, I want him to take a look…" I grabbed my phone and key card "Don’t wait up…" I left the room and leaned against the wall. Why couldn’t she stop talking about moving in together? We’re not even dating for a year!

I pushed the button for the elevator and as the door opened I stepped in without looking.

"Charles? Are you okay?" I looked up at Sebastian "You’re a little pale?"

"Umm… yeah, I just- I just… I don’t even know what to say." I mumbled and leaned against the elevator.

"Where were you going?" he asked me and I shrugged my shoulders "Alright, then I guess you’re coming with me."

The elevator doors opened and we were one floor above mine. I followed Seb and as he opened up the door to his hotel room he gesticulated for me to walk in first.

"Look, Daddy is back!" I heard Hanna say in German as Seb closed the door behind me.

Emilie and Matilda ran up to us but stopped abruptly.

"Girls, say hi to Charles!" Seb said and they smiled at me, both a little shy "Oh come on, you’ve seen him before!" he picked up Matilda and walked further into the room, signaling me to follow him. As we entered the lounge area of his suite Hanna got up from the sofa, carrying little Philipp, and gave me a little side hug.

"Hi Charles, what a pleasant surprise!" she smiled at me and sat back down "Come on, sit down!"

"I don’t want to interrupt or anything!" I said, now I was the one being a little shy.

"Oh no, you’re not interrupting! We’re just watching a movie before the kids go to bed." Hanna said and the girls started to protest.

"Nooo! Can’t we watch another movie?"

"Pleeeeeaaaaseeee!"

"No, we said one movie! And I even got you ice cream!" Seb said and gave the girls each a bowl of ice cream who sat down on the floor at the coffee table, then he sat one bowl down in front of me and Hanna and took the sleeping boy out of his mums arms "I won’t tell anyone, I promise." he winked at me and I laughed.

"Thanks!" I chuckled and took the bowl "So, what are we watching?" I looked at the girls and Matilda looked up.

"Frozen! Do you know it?" she asked me excitedly and I nodded "We just started, so you didn’t miss anything!"

"That’s good! I don’t want to miss all the good parts!" I said and she laughed, then she pressed play.

After a while Emilie got up and plopped down in between her parents and Matilda looked up at the slightly full sofa, she then looked at me and decided to scooch in next to me in the big armchair I occupied. Seb looked over and smiled at me as I was adjusting my arm so the little girl was leaning comfortably on me.

As the end credits rolled, I looked down and Matilda yawned and slowly sat up.

"You’re a nice pillow!" she chuckled a little and I laughed.

"Thank you! I think that is the best compliment I’ve ever got!" I said and she smiled.

"Alright girls, come on, time for bed!" Hanna got up and extended her hands for the girls to take "Say good night to Daddy and Charles. Come on now!" Both girls hugged Seb carefully who gave both his daughters a kiss on the cheek, then Emilie walked up to me.

"Good night, Charles." she whispered, still a little shy.

"Good night, Emilie." I smiled at her and she grabbed her mum's hand.

"Good night, Charlie!" Matilda hugged me and then walked to her mum as well.

"Good night, Matilda!" I laughed and watched them disappear into the attached bedroom.

"I think Emilie has a little crush on you!" Seb chuckled and I blushed a little "She talks a lot about you, when you’re not around, of course." he looked at me for a moment "So, why were you wandering around, looking like you’ve seen a ghost? Not knowing where to go?"

"I needed a bit of time away from… from my girlfriend…" I confessed quietly and he just nodded.

"I get that, sometimes I need a little breather as well, I mean especially now with the kids." he said and I looked up "Yeah, it gets kinda loud at times. I mean, I can’t always bribe them with ice cream and Disney movies."

"Probably not, no!" I laughed.

"So, I need a breather because I have now 3 little monsters running around, you need a breather because of your girlfriend…?" he looked at me and I sighed.

"She’s just a little clingy at the moment and wants us to move in together… but I…" I exhaled deeply, contemplating my next words.

"But you’re in love with Lizzie and you don’t know what to do?" I looked at him with wide eyes "Oh come on, Charles. The way you look at her? Talk about her? The way your face lights up whenever someone else talks about her? How you smile when you’re texting with her? I think the only person on this planet who doesn’t know about your feelings for her is Lizzie herself! And that’s because she’s just as oblivious as you!"

"Is it really that obvious?" I asked and Seb laughed.

"Well kinda. But I’m glad that you at least don’t deny it." he answered and I laughed now.

"I tried to, for years. But no, not anymore…" I said and Seb nodded.

"That’s good, but, with all due respect, why are you dating Camille then? I mean I only talked once with her and she seemed to be nice, but still?" Seb asked and I swallowed hard.

"Lizzie and I are… she’s- umm she’s the most important person for me, she was always by my side and just the sheer thought of losing her? Because she doesn’t feel the same? Or even if she feels the same, it’s not working out somehow? I think, no I know, that I couldn’t survive it!" I explained and Seb looked at me for a while.

"I think it’s clear as day that she loves you as well. But maybe she has the same fears? So I think you should just tell her. And break up with that girlfriend of yours that you’re clearly not loving. It’s not fair to her and for yourself." he said and I nodded slowly.

"Maybe, but for now Lizzie has to focus on herself. She needs to focus on her recovery. I promised her I would do anything to help her get into F1. So she needs to be ready when I finally and miraculously keep that promise." I said determined and Seb nodded.

"Yeah, about that… you don’t know about it from me… but back when I was driving for BMW Sauber, one of the managing engineers there was Felix Bayer. He’s heavily involved in the upcoming Audi F1 team… we stayed in touch over the years. And it looks like we might see them way earlier on the grid than we all thought." Seb was smirking a little.

"Do you think they would consider Lizzie?" I asked excitedly and Seb nodded slowly.

"They want a young driver and an experienced one. And they want one German driver. Do you still have all of your old videos from karting? Perfect. Maybe someone should edit a little application video for Lizzie, highlighting her abilities and strengths. And then maybe someone should send it to Felix…" Seb raised his eyebrows.

"Maybe someone should do that!" I answered.

"She’s already on their radar, but you know, a little advertising never killed anybody." he chuckled.

"She is?" I asked.

"Since last season… but they’re a little worried about her recovery though… I said to Felix that if anyone can do it, then it’s Lizzie." Seb stated and I nodded.

"That is true." I smiled, thinking about our dream of both driving in F1 might be coming true. Finally. "Alright. I leave you to it." I said and got up, as Seb wanted to get up as well I just shook my head "No, stay. He looks so relaxed. Don’t wake him. I’ll find my way out alone." he nodded and leaned back down.

"Good night, Charles. Rest up well for tomorrow!" he said and smiled at me.

"Good night, Seb! You too!" I walked to the door but stopped and turned around "And Seb? Thank you! For everything! I will miss you next season. A lot."

"I’m still on the grid, kiddo, you can always come to me, no matter what!" he said and I smiled.

"Thank you." I left.

P4. Not the worst result. But still no win. Not even a podium. Camille left already and I was sitting in my drivers room. Calming myself down a little. The media was asking me only about Carlos today, how I felt with him being so good as he’s going to be my new team mate. The internet made it only worse. All the comments about how he will dominate me next season, how he will be the clear number 1 driver. That all was still in my head as Lizzie called and I tried my best to hide it from her, I failed, as always. She just knew me too well.

"You shouldn’t look so relieved when your girlfriend tells you she won’t come to the race track because she’s sick?" Andrea said as I hung up with Camille.

"I’m not! It’s just, it’s better like this for her if she’s sick! I don’t want her to come if she’s not feeling well!" I said and Andrea just shook his head.

"Sure, if you say so." he mumbled and waited for me to get back into position "How is Lizzie doing?"

"She’s good. Being in Switzerland seems to really help her…" I answered and he smiled.

"She’s one of the strongest people out there, that’s why you and her are this close!"

"Because she’s so strong?"

"No, because you’re both strong. But I know that she helped you through a lot and I think you and her are good for each other. It’s like you’re soulmates, so yeah…"

"I get it."

"Let’s get you into your car."

I closed my eyes for a moment and focused on the silence as someone tapped on my shoulder.

"Seb?" I was confused.

"Look over in the box!" he said and I turned my head.

Lizzie. Smiling and waving at me. Here in Monza to support me. I smiled and closed the visor.

The whole race I thought about her, how I wanted nothing more than to make her proud so when I jumped out the car after finishing on the podium, I walked over to my team as I saw her standing a bit away from them. I ran up to her, picked her up, hugged her tight to me and twirled her around. She was here because of me. Interrupting her recovery for me. Why was she so perfect.l?

Lizzie and I talked the entire ride back into the alps, JK in the car in front of us stopped in front of a cozy looking house. And I parked next to his car. Lizzie, almost half asleep, got out of the car, stretching a little. She grabbed my hand and pulled me with her.

"Come on, we’re just in time to see the sunrise!" she said and we sat down on the porch. Her head on my shoulder. After a while I heard her breathing even out and realised she fell asleep. I gently picked her up and JK showed me the way to her room where I laid her down, took her shoes and jacket off and tucked her in. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and left her room.

"How is she doing?" I asked JK as I sat down on the sofa and he closed his book.

"She’s doing good, she’s headstrong, that’s good, she really powers through the recovery… at least the physical one." he said and sat up "There is a lot of trauma hidden behind her smile, a lot of anxiety, fear. I need to figure out how I can get that out of her."

"She’s not opening up? I thought you guys were really close?" I asked him and he chuckled.

"We are close, I have to admit, with none of my other patients before I bonded this fast. And she confides in me with a lot of things… but there are things she’s keeping to herself, issues we need to tackle otherwise we won’t progress." he answered.

"How can I help? You want me to try and talk to her?" I offered and JK sighed.

"There is something you can do, please listen to me, you won’t like what I’m about to say, but bear with me, okay? You and Lizzie share more than just a normal bond, it’s more than friendship. Your emotions are almost tied to one another as it seems. In the week after your race in Portimaõ? She was demotivated, in a foul mood, always thinking about you, how you sounded in this message, or on this call… she’s focusing too much on you instead of herself. And that is at her given state suboptimal. And it’s also not really healthy for you, thinking constantly about her recovery instead of focusing on your races!" he explained and I waited for him to continue "What I’m saying is, you both need to focus on yourself. And I think in order to do that, we should restrict your contact, don’t give me that look, please wait, tell her the things she needs to know. I’m back in Maranello, back home, I’m in Turkey now. That’s it. Whatever she’s texting you, don’t reply. No matter how many times she’s calling you. Don’t answer your phone. I know it sounds hard, believe me it will be hard for her when the one person she always confides in, the one person who is the most important one, cuts her out like that. And that’s what I need. l need her to break. As soon as she lets all the negativity and thoughts that consume her right now go, I will be able to help her mentally as well. But she has to open up. And she’s not doing it on her own, so I have to push her. And this is the fastest way."

"You want me to ghost her? To cut her out completely? She will not just break, JK! She will be devastated! She will hate me! I can’t do that to her! I can’t hurt her like that!" I was shocked by what he asked me to do.

"She won’t hate you! As soon as she’s accepting that we need to do more for her mental health and we’re making progress in this direction, I will tell her the truth! She will be mad, definitely, but she loves you, Charles. She could never hate you! Think about it!" JK got up and left me alone with my thoughts.

Was he right? Was this the way to help her? By breaking her heart? By ghosting her? It will kill me to not be able to talk to her, but this isn’t about me, it’s about Lizzie. And if JK thinks this is the way to help her, then I would do it. I would do everything for her, just how she would do everything for me.

After we took a long walk, we picked up some groceries from a little store in the village and some kids recognised us, it was sweet that they also knew Lizzie and showed her nothing but love, after the comments in the media over the last months this must’ve been a good feeling for her and I was more than happy to take pictures with her and the kids.

"They loved you, ma belle!" I smiled at her as we walked back to the house and saw how her cheeks were turning slightly pink.

"I think they were more interested in you, but they were sweet anyways!" she said and I pulled her into my side.

"They asked you first if you are who they think you are! So I’d say they were quite happy meeting you!" I said and Lizzie just laughed a little.

"Whatever!" she mumbled and the rest of the way we were walking in silence.

JK left me and Lizzie in charge of the toppings and took care of the fire and the dough and after some time geh air was filled with the smell of fire, dough and fresh tomatoes. I didn’t know if it was the pizza itself, the fresh mountain air or Lizzie’s presence, but the pizza tasted better than any pizza I had before. According to Lizzie she felt the same, although she wasn’t showing her appreciation by eating the pizza. I’ve seen in the last weeks that she was eating not much, or sometimes even nothing, but she always said it’s because of the medication she was taking. As JK left, he signaled her to eat more and she just sighed, grabbing another slice although not eating it. Her answer to my question was almost the same as always before, not really hungry, the medications, always full because of JKs superfoods. I knew she was only trying to change the topic when she joked about pineapple on her pizza, but I jumped right in there, asking her if there was something wrong with her brain. The second the words had left my mouth, I regretted them, I apologised, but she wouldn’t let me, saying it was okay, which it wasn’t. How could I say something like this? How stupid was I? After that video? I must’ve hurt her but she hid it, like she always did.

But this time it was different. Usually she would make a bad joke and laugh it off. This time she shushed me with a finger on my lips, looking me deep in the eyes.

"Shhh… stop, please! Stop apologising. It’s fine. I’m fine. Okay?" I nodded slowly, mesmerised by her natural beauty, her eyes sparkling, left index finger still on my lips, right hand on my cheek. So close I could see the grey swirls in her stormy blue eyes. I put one hand on her hip, the other covering hers on my cheek. I closed my eyes, swallowing hard. Every fibre in my body aching for her, screaming at me to finally kiss her, to finally make her mine. I opened my eyes and leaned in closer.

"Good night guys." JK’s voice made us both flinch and pull away from each other. I cleared my throat, feeling the heat rising up my chest into my cheeks, I ruffled my hair looking at her.

"It’s getting late? I think I’ll take a long shower and then go to bed!" she said and yawned.

"Yeah, you go showering, I’ll take care of the dishes!" I nodded and grabbed our plates and glasses and then walked away, at the door I turned around "I’ll put your pizza in the fridge!" I watched her get up and walk inside. My heart was racing. I almost kissed her. And it felt right. Every second of it felt right. My body was craving her. My mind was craving her. It felt so fucking right. But it wasn’t. I wasn’t right. She wouldn’t be so shocked and awkward if it felt right for her as well. I sighed and washed the dishes. I put some cling film over Lizzie’s pizza and put it in the fridge. I leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. Something like this couldn’t happen again. I stood there for another minute as my phone vibrated. Camille. She was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. What I was doing to her wasn’t fair. I should at least try and give her all my love and dedication, like she did to me. But I just couldn’t. It wasn’t her face I wanted to see, waking up in the morning. It wasn’t her I was thinking of before I fell asleep at night. And it certainly wasn’t her I wanted to kiss after a good race. But she was happy. Hurting her just because I am an idiot? That didn’t feel right. But the plan I had, falling in love with her over the course of the last months, forgetting the feelings for Lizzie, didn’t work. Not even in the slightest, a couple of minutes ago clearly showed that. But what else could I do? At least having Camille as girlfriend stopped all of social media to paint me and Lizzie as the perfect couple. Lovers. The questions about us stopped almost completely. That was good. Lizzie thought I was in love with Camille, so she wouldn’t get suspicious, that was good as well. And Camille was happy. She loved the attention she was getting, loved that some brands reached out to her, gifting her designer clothes, jewelry, hand bags. Getting a big Instagram following. At least she got something positive, if I couldn’t love her the way she deserved it. Maybe JK was right. I had to detach myself from Lizzie for some time, not just for her sake, also for mine. My phone vibrated again, this time it was a message from Seb, checking in on how we were doing. I replied to him that we’re alright and walked back into my room. I hoped that tomorrow, Lizzie and I wouldn’t think about what almost happened between us.

"That lake was freezing!" I said as we walked back up to the house and Lizzie next to me only chuckled. What happened last night thankfully didn’t make things awkward.

"You get used to it after some time!" she said and as she took her next step she slipped slightly but before I could react JK held her to his side and she smiled at him "Thanks." she laughed as JK only smiled back and held her close to his side the whole way back.

"Hot shower and then some tea and lunch, I have a new flavour." JK said and Lizzie looked up at him.

"Please no more ginger!" she almost pleaded and JK only laughed.

"Oh come on! It’s healthy!" he laughed and Lizzie just groaned as we stepped on the porch and JK took our wet towels and hung them over the banister and Lizzie and I took off our shoes.

"Oh wait, here you go, princess." JK pulled down her zipper as he walked past her as if it’s the most normal thing to do, it almost seemed natural how he did it. And did he call her princess? I’ve seen that they’ve become really close, but what was going on here? It’s highly unprofessional to flirt with your patient or your therapist. Was it just flirting?

"Charles? You good there bruh?" JK asked and I realised that Lizzie was gone as I looked around "She’s under the shower. Come on, let's get ready for lunch." and with that he walked inside.

Was there something going on between them? And for how long now? I walked in and went to my room as I noticed the door to Lizzie’s room was open, just a crack. I walked past it as I heard JKs voice and I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t help but to spare a glance inside, just to see Lizzie, only with a towel covering her front, standing in front of JK, back turned to him and he was gently stroking her back. I swallowed hard and quietly left. Back in my room I went straight into the shower, getting rid of the wetsuit and standing under the hot water stream. It only made sense that they would start to feel more than just a normal patient/therapist bond. They lived together in this truly romantic place with no TV, bad wifi and almost no service. They only had each other. I wanted Lizzie to be happy, that it was with her therapist, well I guess at least he’s a decent guy. I turned off the water and got out. Dressing up and then checking my phone, 7 missed calls from Camille. I sighed. Lizzie is happy. JK‘s a great guy. I had a girlfriend. It all was good. One last moment to relinquish in the silence and then I called Camille. Feeling absolutely nothing but jealousy.

Leaving her didn’t feel right. Leaving her knowing I wouldn’t be able to call and text her felt worse. The whole drive back to Maranello I thought about Lizzie and JK, I even asked myself if he only wanted me to stop contacting her because he felt threatened by me? Ridiculous. No. I had to trust him on this one. He will focus on Lizzie. I will focus on myself. That was all I could do for now.

Reading all her messages was truly heartbreaking and I hated myself whenever I just swiped them away. Ignoring her calls when I knew that she was probably almost in tears because I didn’t pick up after her sadder getting messages. But I promised JK I wouldn’t contact her, only giving her a head up whenever I traveled somewhere. I was fully focused on my races now. Ignoring Camille mostly, trying to get as much distance between us as possible. I had to figure out how I could break up with her, without breaking her heart. I dreaded it. I tried to keep myself busy, stayed in Maranello and tried to talk to her as little as possible. I was shocked when she stood in front of me in Turkey after the race, hugging me, taking my hand in hers and walking with me back into the Ferrari hospitality.

"I missed you, so I thought, I’d surprise you!" she almost yelled and I forced myself to smile at her.

The next week I spent in Maranello, before I returned home for the weekend to prepare for the last stint of the season. Camille would be gone for the next 3 weeks, a girls trip with her best friends to Mexico and I was more than happy about it. At least like this I didn’t have to feel guilty all the time for not breaking up with her already.

I was just boarding my plane to Bahrain, as my phone buzzed. Lizzie. I wanted to swipe the message away, as I saw the first words of the message: JK told me. I’m not mad… I swallowed and opened the message as soon as I sat down. JK told her everything. She wasn’t mad, she understood, but she was still hurt, especially that it seemed to be so easy for me to cut her out like this. I immediately sent her an answer that it wasn’t easy at all, that it broke my heart reading her desperate messages and not being able to respond. I told her how sorry I was but I just wanted to help her and JK said this was the right way. Before I could wait for an answer I had to switch off my phone. As soon as I landed and switched it on I checked my messages. Nothing. Now she was the one ghosting me.

"What do you mean, you’re not coming home after the last race?" Camille sounded annoyed.

"I’ll have to stay for some tests for the new season, also some tyre tests…" I began but Camille just scoffed.

"Okay, that doesn’t explain why you’re not here until one day before New Year’s Eve?" her voice sounded harsh.

"Camille, I’ll stay here until the 17th, then I fly to Maranello for some simulator work and then I’m celebrating Christmas with my family…" and she interrupted me again.

"And why can’t I celebrate with your family as well? I’m your girlfriend? Why can’t I come wherever you’re celebrating?" she almost shouted.

"Because I can’t invite you to someone else’s home! It’s just a small gathering. We’re not renting out a huge house somewhere! We’re staying at someone’s home." I tried to explain.

"Someone’s home? You’re kidding me, right? You’re fucking kidding me! You go to Lizzie! You’re celebrating our first Christmas together with Lizzie instead of me!" now she was really furious "I can’t believe you! I’m your girlfriend! If you don’t want to stay here and celebrate at home, you should at least invite me! But no! Not when you’re going to Saint Lizzie! I was by your side and supported you last year! Not her! But fine! Celebrate with your holy Lizzie!" and then she hung up. Problem solved. For now.

The last race was done, P13, the tests were done. Tyre tests as well. I made my way to Maranello for some final simulator tests before I would head to Ludwigsburg on Sunday. I was coming back from a break as I heard two Ferrari employees speak about Lizzie being removed from the FDA. I was confused, I knocked on Mattia’s office but he wasn’t inside. One of his assistants told me he was in one of the conference rooms with some Ferrari officials. I thanked her and walked to the conference rooms and glanced through the glass door. Mattia, Massimo Rivola and some officials whose names I didn’t know sat there, discussing something. I knocked and Mattia looked up. He nodded and I stepped in.

"Charles, how can I help you?" he asked and I looked between him and Massimo.

"Is it true?" I asked and Mattia and Massimo exchanged some very guilty looks "You’re kicking Lizzie out of the FDA?"

"Charles, listen, it’s not that easy…" began Massimo but I interrupted him.

"What did she do wrong?" I asked.

"She didn’t do anything wrong, Charles. It’s just that we have only a limited number of spots within the FDA and it’s unfair for the other talented drivers if a spot is taken up by someone who isn’t driving anymore!" Massimo explained.

"But when she comes back and starts driving again? Who will support her then?"

"You mean if she’s driving again?"

"No, when! She’s working so hard on it! She will return and then she will need support and help to get back in! No one will let her drive for them if you drop her!" I had to refrain myself from yelling.

"Charles, we know this means a lot to you. But at the moment, this can’t be our concern anymore." Massimo sighed.

"Can’t be your concern anymore? She almost died! She didn’t do anything wrong! She won 2 championships under your wing! She always highlighted how great you are and how loved and supported she felt! But you just… you just drop her like she’s worth nothing!" I was furious but also desperate, they couldn’t do this to Lizzie.

"We’re sorry, Charles. But the decision is made. The statement will be released in the next hour." Massimo said, his words final.

"Who told her about it?" I asked after a moment.

No answer, only more guilty looks.

"You didn’t even tell her? There will be a statement out and she knows nothing? What the fuck?!" this time I shouted at him and Mattia got up.

"Charles, you're upset, I understand you. We all love Lizzie! But this is business. We have to do what’s best for Ferrari. Please understand. Go now, go home and have a nice winter break. No, Charles. This decision is final." Mattia tried to calm me down.

"Don’t release the statement. Not yet. I’ll see her tomorrow. Let me tell her before she has to find it out through a statement." I pleaded.

"We have an email ready that we wanted to send out before the statement will be released…" Massimo said and I nodded.

"Send it tomorrow in the afternoon, I’ll talk to her before then…" I said and Massimo and Mattia nodded "Merry Christmas." I left the room and walked straight out of the factory. I took a deep breath and got in the car. I decided to leave immediately. The faster I’m leaving, the faster I‘ll be there.

Ludwigsburg. The first time after we left for Monaco she would be home again. The first time in months I would see her family again. And the first time I would see Lizzie again, after our almost kiss. I was nervous. How do you tell your best friend, that you just ghosted for weeks, that she got kicked out of the FDA, because they couldn’t keep her in, occupying a spot without driving for them.

Merry fucking Christmas.

————————————————————————

Little Note:

That's it, chapter 10 is out - writing a whole chapter out of Charles POV was really fun!

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram.

[seijorhi]

ok ok i have been thinking about oikawa <33

tw: baby trapping, infertility, yandere vibes, oikawa is an awful, terrible man

namely, oikawa with a darling who for whatever reason can't have kids.

he wants a family with you more than almost anything else. a pretty wife, a nice big house, a wall for his trophies and medals, and a couple of adorable looking kids to tie the whole picture together. that's the dream.

you not being able to get (or stay) pregnant naturally throws a kink in that plan, but not to worry, where there's a will, there's a way. surrogacy is out of the question, he can't have too many people prying too closely into his relationship with you.

adoption's a little easier to manage, especially if he's not tied up with the red tape of the 'official' channels.

he'll just come home one day, two little bundles of joy in arms, and introduce you to your babies; a boy and a girl, how sweet!

and no, you don't need to worry your pretty little head about where he got them from, they're your babies now, that's all that matters.

except, no amount of him telling you that makes you feel anything maternal towards the twins. you're concerned about them, absolutely, you're not some cold, unfeeling monster. you'll take care of them when oikawa leaves, read to them, feed them, hold and soothe them when they cry – but that doesn't make you their mother.

(and you shudder to think about what happened there)

unfortunately, seeing you look after his children awakens something inside of him. he's always been insatiable, but when he fucks you now, your thighs pushed back, his cock driving into you with a relentless pace, he gets this manic, intense look in his eyes, starts talking about how he's going to fuck another kid into you, how he's gonna keep you barefoot and pregnant. you're such a good mama, aren't you, he'll give you all the kids you want. he'll give you everything, you just have to take it.

and you know he knows that's an impossibility, but in the heat of the moment you get this sick, twisty feeling inside of you.

you can't just wait around for him to find a way to follow through on that promise. you have to get out. it's bad enough that you have to leave those poor babies with him, but on paper at the very least, they are his kids, and you're not their mother.

but your husband is nothing if not perceptive. he turns to you one night, a sweet smile on his handsome face, 'you know i'd be beside myself without you, i don't know what i'd do if i lost you.' he laces his fingers with yours, brings you hand to his lips and kisses it softly, holding your gaze the entire time. '… what'd happen to those kids without their mama around.'

you hear it for the undeniable threat that it is.

your blood runs cold.

he wouldn't... he wouldn't hurt the babies, right?

oikawa's many things; jealous, perverse, possessive, with a mean streak that borders on sadistic at times, but that's always been directed solely towards you. you... and anyone he deemed a threat to your relationship.

he's already done awful, illegal things to get you here, is it really such a stretch to think he'd do worse to keep you tethered?

while you might not view the babies as yours per se, the same can't be said for oikawa. he's a doting father, he adores them – whether they're his blood or not.

he wouldn't hurt them.

he wouldn't.

but the next time you see him with his daughter in his arms, lifting her up to blow raspberries against her stomach as she giggles and squirms in delight, you can't help the bolt of fear that shoots through you, the sudden urge to rush forward and take her from his arms. to protect her.

even if doing so only makes your husband grin.

[disgruntleddd]

AITA for wanting to cut ties with my ex?

I (22) have been friends with my ex-fiancé (21) since we were 14. We were best friends for years and they crushed on me for ages, until we finally started going out when I was ~18. We were each other's firsts and we got engaged when I was 20 and they were 19. We moved in together when I was 21 and they were 20.

Last November (six-ish months ago now, jeez, time flies) they broke up with me. They were sexually assaulted in a club and told me that the experience made them realize that they want to be more upfront with their boundaries and desires. They don't think we're compatible like that and wanted to date someone more similar to themselves while still being my best friend, like we were before.

For a while, I tried to make it work even though I was absolutely miserable being around them knowing that what we had was gone. They had an online friend, we'll call him D (24), who they'd grown close to over the course of the year or so we'd lived together. Well, they already had a visit planned months in advance for D to come out and stay in our apartment for two weeks. They told me that they were romantically interested in D, and wanted to see how things went in person. I didn't want to ask them to cancel such an expensive trip so short notice, so I sucked it up. At the time, I expressed that I wanted D to sleep on our fold-out couch (we have a two-bedroom, and they got their own bed after the breakup) but they told me that who they invite into their bed is none of my business.

Anyway, so, my ex lied to me. Turned out that they'd already been dating D for a couple of weeks before the visit took place. The walls are not thick so I heard them fucking more than once. My ex invited me out to drink with them and I ended up crying because it was really painful to watch them hang off of someone else and loudly make jokes about all the sex they were going to have later.

Fast forward a couple of months, and D gets kicked out of his apartment and needs somewhere to live. This is where shit hits the fan, and what prompted this post.

D has never liked me, although he tries very hard in a shallow way to make me like him. (I think it's an anxiety thing — he wants me to like him because then I feel less threatening, not because he actually cares about getting to know me, you know?) I overheard a phone conversation between Ex and D where he was ranting about how I have no friends because I'm such an unlikeable bitch, I'm never going to change or improve myself, he fucking hates me, I'm a narcissist, Ex needs to move out and cut ties with me because I'm so toxic, blah blah blah. D also has schizophrenia, multiple personalities due to severe childhood trauma, he age-regresses (constantly; his default mental age is ~17), and he's an alcoholic. All of this to say that he is a very paranoid and depressed person.

(Side note: I expressly told my ex that I didn't want him to stay in our apartment. They said that they understood and assured me it would only be for a few days while they found him a place. It's been ~3 weeks now, and he's still here.)

I was woken up one night a week ago by my ex and D having a very loud conversation about suicide. D was having a mental breakdown/panic attack and ex was actively having to keep him away from pills and knifes. I laid in my bedroom and listened to D describe a fantasy in which he takes a gun and blows his brains out in front of me — apparently because I am a huge source of depression and anxiety for him, on account of me not liking him.

I don't believe I've been mean to D. I simply don't care about him. I do my best to not acknowledge him/pretend he doesn't exist. My ex disagrees.

They claim I've been outwardly cruel to him and that my hostility is the reason for his near suicide-attempt. They called me all sorts of names and pinned the blame almost entirely on me.

That night of the panic attack, I also became anxious that D would try to do something to hurt me or my two cats. (He has a history of animal abuse/murder.) I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife to sleep with because I was too tense to get back to sleep.

Well, D found out about the knife and apparently he is now terrified that I'm going to do something to him (and he could have only known about it if my ex told him, as he does not enter my room EVER), which my ex also blames on me.

My ex made the decision to break our lease and move out around a month ago. Rather than find a new roommate, I decided to get a small one bedroom apartment for myself. My ex seems upset about this. I told them blatantly that I don't want to see each other or even communicate once the move is completed, which I don't think they've grasped. They keep making remarks about trying to stay in contact or me visiting them at their new place.

I am a college student and I have a job. I have missed three of my morning classes this month already because my ex and D both like to stay up late at night and play games in the living room and/or drink together. They both talk very loudly and this can go on until 2 in the morning. It's nearly impossible for me to relax and sleep with their constant activity. I also do the dishes, feed the pets, clean up after them, sweep, take out the trash, throw away the beer cans they both leave everywhere, hell, I've even done their laundry.

The only thing my ex does is cook occasionally, which they seem to think is an effort towards our friendship, when they consistently prioritize D's dietary desires over mine, never help me with my groceries, and when they order food, never get anything for me. If there is enough food for three, then they will offer me some. That's about it.

They make no effort to spend time with me and actively avoid having difficult conversations while at the same time accusing me of moving out because I'm "running away from my problems." They want to be both my best friend and a good husband.

Oh, yeah. Ex and D are married as of last week, ish. No idea why. Not my problem.

But, the way I see it, it is functionally impossible for Ex to prioritize someone as high-maintenance as their new husband AND be my friend at the same time, considering all of the emotional conflicts going on in our fucked up little situation here.

(Side note: all of this is IGNORING the 3k my ex owes my parents, as they helped us both out when my ex lost their job last year. My ex told me that they're frustrated because it feels like my family is "ganging up" on them, and that they were under the impression my parents would just forgive the money and all of us could part ways on good terms. I have literally no idea where they got THAT impression.)

I feel ignored and underappreciated. I am also fairly confident that I'm being gaslit, as Ex constantly blames me for my feelings AND for D's feelings. I am posting this now because I legitimately cannot tell if I'm overreacting or not. Ex makes me doubt my thoughts and the validity of my actions. (RE: the knife incident, they chastised me for scaring D all because I was "paranoid," when I brought up the phone call I overheard, Ex told me that D was just drunk/angry and didn't really mean it, the last time I complained about them both being noisy (during sex) it was brushed off as me being bitter that I'm still single, etc)

I know that Ex is also stressed and dealing with a lot. Am I being too harsh? Am I overthinking this? Should I buckle down and try to make it work? I've been friends with them for ⅓ of my life — they've been with me through my worst and my best. So much of who I am is shaped by them. I don't want to give that up, but I also think that maybe I need to if I'm ever going to improve myself/my mental state.

I am legitimately looking forward to moving out on my own, being responsible only for myself, only cleaning up my own messes, focusing on work and school and potentially maybe even making some new friends. I don't want Ex in my life anymore, I just want to put the last year behind me, and I think they know that — they're just in denial. They want to have their cake and eat it, too.

[wayfayrr]

Love your work and househusband has me in a choke hold. But I have an idea what if when a month or two with reader and sage in reader's world with him getting used to it and knowing the ins and outs of reader's life and so getting rid of some of reader's friends who got too touchy for sages taste and when things so perfect as he doesn't have to do hylia's bidding anymore and monsters aren't attacking and people are finally understanding that reader is his and he getting almost all of reader's attention then when he gets back into the house from shopping he finds the traitors (chain) in the living room and now the chain know reader is OK and the bickering between the chain and sage happens again altho much easier since reader is gone at work at times. Like the idea reader works at an office and when tired from work goes to coddle sage.

May I be 👾 anon

Of course you can be 👾!! ✨✨ It's great to have you and I'm glad you like it!! And you're certainly not the only one that househusband Sage has in a chokehold ASDKMFVJFG, the idea of him being all domestic is straight-up addictive.

But for Sage to have everything so perfectly in the palm of his hand only to be reminded of everything if the chain just drop in? It would infuriate him. If there wasn't the chance that his darling could either come home at any moment or that their neighbours could call the police, the chain would be gone. But he can't risk this life that he's earned after everything that disgrace forced him to endure. That he's put so much effort into making it perfect for both of you, taking care of anyone in the way. He had it all. And now these traitors think they can just come and steal you after all of his hard work? like they deserve what belongs to him? they're no better than Hylia herself.

Below the cut is a short snippet of reader getting home to find Sage and the chain, because I just couldn't help myself ASKNDFV

 It’s strange to think how easily Sage has settled into living here now. Seeing as it’s been less than three months and he seems so much happier than he ever did in Hyrule. I still worry about the chain every so often, but now things are starting to look less like we’ll ever go back to them. While it was stressful a couple of weeks ago, now it just seems like everyday life with the added bonus of having someone to go home to at the end of the day. Sage mentioned he was planning something for today, going for some ingredients in order to attempt to make something special. That alone's a huge improvement, given he usually only goes shopping with me. 

Why is there - Is that arguing?

“Sage is everything alright I could hear– Guys? What? When did you get here?”

They, They’re actually here. They’re safe and alive. The shadow didn’t manage to kill them. Although Sage looks like he might. His bags strewn across the floor and his knuckles white from how tense he is. But not before Wind chirped up.

“[Name] you’re alright! We’ve been looking for you for so long!”

“You’ve been looking for me? But surely you should’ve been focusing on… you should’ve been going after the shadow.”

Time’s grimace wasn’t what I needed to see at that moment however, it answers the question enough. He barely took a step towards me before Sage had me in his arms growling at him. Warning him to stay away from me. Like he was before they went missing. The others didn’t take that lightly, not with how openly he was being possessive; with only Rulie being calm enough to try defusing the bomb that is clearly about to blow. “It’s not like we aren’t chasing the shadow, but you’re important to us [Name]. But we can all go back to Hyrule now, can’t we?”

“I mean -” “No. I - We don’t want to go back there. We’re better off here.”

[slxsherwriter]

Blood Magic

Fandom: Halloween 2007

Pairings: None

Warnings: Blood, self harm (not true but tagging for those that would have an issue)

Word Count: 1439

A/N: Things were kept fairly purposely vague here. Let me know if you want any more! No beta.

The moon was high in the night sky, the only light in the empty forest clearing. A terrifying setting to some but to her, it was nothing but comforting. Out among the trees and the nocturnal life, there was no judgement. No harsh gazes, no whispered words behind her back. Simply her and the natural world. So much power to draw from, a place to commune and reconnect with the universe. The perfect spot to be able to perform the ritual. Letting out a small sigh, she settled down onto the ground, making herself comfortable. A smile was worn and her eyes briefly closed. Soaking in the moment and appreciating the quiet, She was able to find a center, which was just what she needed to concentrate. She could sense the few owls in the area and mice moving underfoot. There weren't any large predators in this forest. Just another reason that it was the spot for her.

Opening her bag, the young woman remained silent, not wanting to break the peace that was blanketing the clearing. She would have to disturb it soon enough but for now, set up could be done silently. Candles, a knife, and a small bowl were removed from the bag. The candles were laid out in a carefully planned pattern in front of her before the bowl was placed in the center. A critical eye was given to the setup, the woman leaning back to get a bitter view of the setup. Satisfied with the result, she nodded to herself. Each candle was lit in the same slow and methodical way that they had been setup.

Knife in hand, she closed her eyes, missing the crunch of leaves that came from behind her. Or the looming presence that drew steadily closer.

"With this offering, I give myself unto the earth and ask for the spirit in return." The knife was brought to her palm, a steadying breath taken, before it sliced deep into the flesh. Blood instantly pooled around the silver blade before dripping into the bowl in front of her.

It was just as she had closed her hand into a fist that the heavy boot hitting the ground behind her caught her attention. Whipping around, she was greeted with none other than the Boogeyman of Haddonfield himself, Michael Myers. Part of her had thought the man a myth, a legend to keep others behaving in the small town. Urban myths were gaining popularity these days after all. She should have known that there was some level of truth there. Proof of the fact was standing right before her now, looming with a menace and a threat of harm. The energy she felt radiating off of him was like nothing she had experienced before, sending a shiver down her spine.

In her haste of movement, she had knocked over two of the candles and the bowl was sent wobbling. Instinctually, she raised a hand to block the blow that was coming. His knife entered into her already cut hand, though this time the blade pierced straight through flesh and bone, embedded into the palm of her hand and appearing on the other side, nicking her cheek in the process.

The movements happened so fast, she couldn't recognize what was occurring. He had interrupted the ritual and the spell.

Her mouth dropped open to let out a pained scream but nothing came out. The pain in her hand faded, only to be replaced with a blinding, body numbing pain that ran from the top of her head to the tip of her toes, coupled with this overwhelming sensation that was suffocating at best. Her entire body locked, muscles spasming painfully, leaving her unable to do anything else against the next onslaught that came. Except nothing ever did.

Her vision was hazy, unfocused, but she could make out the shape of the man hanging above her, arm raised. But he wasn't attacking. Her brain moved as sluggish as the rest of her body felt in that moment, meaning she didn't comprehend what was happening, what had happened, or why he wasn't attacking. Sprawled in the middle of the small ritual setup, she was nothing more than easy prey for the man. Eyes opened wider when the thud of the knife hitting the dirt beside her head registered. It hadn't entered her chest, her throat, or her head. That suffocating feeling was still present and she still couldn't place it. It was not like anything she had experienced in her life before. Another thud and yet, no more pain. The only source was radiating from her hand. Again and again, the knife was plunged into the ground beside her head. Never once did it hit her, never was there any additional blood drawn.

Slowly, the constriction in her throat eased and the pounding in the back of her skull began to fade. Her vision cleared along with it. The towering mass of a man that stood over her, chest heaving and hands clenched at his sides, came more into focus. Little by little, with minimal movements, she slowly pushed herself up into a more seated position. There wasn't any move made to get away from him, at least not yet. The new found situation was delicate. She hadn't expected to find herself alive after all, not once that blade of his that had already caused so much death and destruction had been dug into her own flesh. Never had she felt more acutely aware of her own body; the thrum of her heart, the expansion of her chest, or the bite of fire a little too close to her skin. Michael cocked his head to the side just slightly, but he remained a statue, not moving another muscle. A wave of confusion washed over her. Ever so carefully, she inched forward to get away from the fire even when it put her closer to him.

Her movement didn't not bring any ounce of movement from him. She had no idea what to make of it. Cradling her injured hand close to her body, the pulsing, throbbing pain a reminder of the injury that needed to be treated, her eyes remained locked on the figure before her. There was no telling what his next action would be.

Again, it occurred so suddenly that she was caught off guard entirely. One second she was on the ground, the next she was in the air, in his arms. No excess pain, no difficulty breathing. He was not making an attempt to squeeze her to death. There was enough power in his frame to manage such a feat. No, he was simply holding her off of the ground. Not cradled against his body exactly but also not held out like a rag doll. Blood stained them both as the seconds continued to tick by, nothing being said or done. It took her several more seconds to be able to gather enough courage to speak.

"I need to wrap my hand…" The most pressing thing? Probably not. But it was the safe thing to be able to focus on. Otherwise, she might have lost all sense of composure. Did she really expect any sort of response from the masked killer? No. No she really hadn't. If anything, perhaps the simple act of speaking would be what was needed to kickstart the process of her death.

Instead, what it did was make the man turn and start walking, with her still in his arms. With nothing else to focus on, she finally was able to give thought to what she had felt before and the lingering sense of something else that was still present in her mind. While the ritual had not been completed, something had been exchanged. She closed her eyes, trying to sort it all out in her mind. What else was she supposed to do anyway? It wasn't like she was escaping the ironclad grip of Michael Myers. There was nottelling where she was going or what the man planned to do with her. He wasn't one to play with his victims. That was a well known fact.

Blood as an offering. But spilled with malicious intent, from a blade that wasn't her own. A blade that wasn't cleansed. The candle pattern disrupted.A jolt of realization went through her. Had she just performed soul magic by accident thanks to his attack? When she had asked for the spirit, she had meant the Earth. Could it be possible that some of his spirit had been transferred instead? The thought made her stomach churn for a moment. Oh, shit.

[thenightfolknetwork]

(a friend wrote this, and didn’t get the chance so submit it, so I’m putting it in for her!)

Let me just start by saying that I didn't mean to blow up all of my colleagues. It just sort of happened. One minute I'm in a meeting, getting increasingly more frustrated with the idiots prattling on around me, next I was standing up and yelling at them while ignoring the start of my magic boiling in my stomach, next I was standing in a pile of rubble with red mist fading into the sky. Like I said, it just sort of happened.

The arresting officer, however, didn't exactly see it that way. Neither did the jury, or judge, or either lawyer. I got in a lot of trouble for that whole... incident. Like, a lot of trouble. Like, a major fine, and some jail time and my girlfriend testifying in court that I'd been unstable to begin with kind of trouble.

At the very least, the psychiatrist (the only halfway useful witness that the idiot public defense managed to find) was able to verify that given the level of magic that I'd been using for my old job, I had most likely been verifiably out of my mind when the explosion occurred. So rather than several lifetimes worth of prison, I just got a very special lock on my magic that blocked any of my abilities to use it.

That was... a big transition, to put it mildly. Before this, I'd been something of a prodigy with my magic, and I loved using it. Like, more than I loved that girlfriend. So suddenly not being able to, and having to find a job without it, and the whole thing resulting in me no longer having any living friends...

Yeah, that took a while to come back from, even just emotionally. But I did. I made friends. I found a job, which I didn't love, but I liked. I even started dating again. But then one day, me and my friends were kind of messing around with some things (a couple of them have magic, so "messing around" can get messy in a number of ways), and to be honest, I'm not totally sure what we did, but the lock on my magic came undone.

My friends, I'm pretty sure, just think that I'm manifesting it late. It's rare, but it happens. I never told them about what happened at my last job. I still don’t really want to.

But with suddenly being able to use my magic again… don’t tell the judge, but looking back, there were absolutely signs that my magic was starting to spiral out of control. The thing at the office just happened to be the first one with major casualties. And already, some of those sorts of signs are coming back.

I love my new friends, and my new life. But I also love my magic. I don’t want to hurt my friends, but I can’t figure out a plan that doesn’t end with them or my magic gone again. And I barely made it through losing my magic the first time. I don’t think I will again.

Can you please give me some advice? Should I tell them, so at least they have time to run away? Should I turn myself in, since there is no way that using my magic again is legal? Or do I just keep using my magic and hope for the best? I really don’t know what to do here, but I could use some help.

First things first, reader – I want to be very clear that I am not a legal professional, so please do not take anything I say here as serious legal advice. Especially if it sounds like I'm advising you to do something illegal. Which I would never do. Of course.

With that out of the way, I can say that I'm not especially surprised this magical lock of yours has failed. Studies have shown time and again that such measures are not a sustainable solution to the issue of emotionally triggered thaumaturgic flares. Not only can these devices fail, as you've experienced, they also do nothing to solve the actual causes of these flares.

A far more sustainable solution to your problem is a combined approach of cognitive behavioural therapy and acute thaumaturgic discipline training. Together, these can help you manage both the emotional side of your problem, by helping you recognise and handle stressful situations before your magic is activated, and help you keep control of your magic even in the throes of emotional distress.

I strongly recommend you seek out a therapist with experience in thaumaturgic discipline. NHS waiting lists for this kind of care are appallingly long, so if possible, you might consider paying for private care instead. Consider it a very worthwhile investment in your future health and happiness.

I hear your concern that you can feel signs that your magic is already starting to slip out of your control. Have you considered the use of thaumaturgically resistant materials?

Court-ordered magical locks are designed to suppress any and all magical activity on the most profound layer of existence. This is, in my opinion, a little like dropping a nuclear bomb on one's garden in order to stop slugs eating your cabbages. A more measured response would be to experiment with silver jewellery, salt-water swimming, or rosemary balm. Hopefully, these will dampen your magical abilities, and give you a little breathing space within which to work on the underlying issues at play.

You've done extremely well to get through the pain and trauma of this previous incident and build a new life for yourself. I have every faith that, with a little hard work and perseverance, you will be able to get through this as well. Good luck, reader.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[barbiecrocs]

The blonde bastard

Laurent Thierry

tags! teasing, begging, switching, oral(male receiving), blow job, hand job, edging, sex so good it got Laurent speaking French, alcohol consumption, low key sadistic reader, "I wanna break him"

WC. 3450

Barbie's note... Hey yall🧍‍♀️... So I know I haven't posted in a while and that yall are fed up with not having material, but I've been going through the craziest writer's block ever. Then this idea came to mind after I watched Great Pretender and everything just came out because this show has been my personality for a while😭😭. Anyway, that's all, enjoy the new year!!

You gulp as you turn your back on the consequence of making a deal with a confidence man. “The clock started ten minutes ago, mon amour. Time is ticking.” You look over your shoulder to where the voice is coming from, only to be met with Laurent entirely at your mercy, his wrists tied together behind the chair, ankles tied to the legs, and his long, heated length standing proudly by itself. A sigh leaves your mouth as you think, ‘How did I get here?’

—

“Cynthia, stop laughing! We’re being serious!” You and Edamura pout as you stop drinking the half-full glass of wine he poured for you. “Oh, I know, and I feel you. Wouldn’t we all like to make the blonde bastard fall to his knees one day? But I just can’t stop myself from laughing. Your plan is too simple. Don’t you think he’ll see right through it?” Your mouth opens to combat her, but Edamura takes the words from your mouth. “How is it simple? We’d turn on him mid-heist, take the money for ourselves, get paid by his enemies to rat out his location, and turn on them by sending them to a location with fake police and get paid off there because they don’t want to go to jail. If that doesn’t scream intricate and complicated, then I don’t know what does.” He slams on the table with each sentence to emphasize the deceitfulness of your scheme as you nod along, but none of it phases Cynthia as she sighs. “I’m only going to tell you guys this once because I don’t even like the idea, but the only plausible way to get him on his knees is sexually. Which will already be hard to do, but I don’t see him swallowing his pride otherwise.” Your breath hitches with her response, and your hands fly to hide the hot blush creeping onto your cheeks. The way that she says it without blushing or getting shy has you feeling like such a dork compared to her.

 “This is where I leave the conversation, but mark my words, we’ll get him.” Edamura finishes his drink and sets it back on the table, leaving the cleaning to you. You don’t notice it, but Cynthia watches you like a hawk as you bid Edamura goodnight and down the rest of your wine. “Would you like another one?” She asks, and you nod yes, “Don’t think I could have this conversation any other way. So another glass it is.” You smile, already feeling the buzzing and heat flutter to your face. When she’s finished pouring, your lips immediately make contact with the rim of the glass as an inquiry floats into your head. Feeling bold off of liquid courage, you pop the question. “Why would you know that about him anyway?” She’s halfway through refilling her glass when you catch her by surprise. She tilts her head in confusion, still not catching on before her eyes go wide with realization, “Oh god! If you’re implying what I think you’re implying, then you’d be wrong. Trust me, we haven’t done anything like that. You have him all to yourself, hun.” You’re unsure if the heat dusting your cheeks is a blush or a drunk buzz, but you cover your face in embarrassment. “I mean, you do want him, yes?” A warm silence passes through as you think long and hard about what you really want from him. “I want to break him, his pride, wipe that playful smirk off his face, and make him genuinely beg for something. Show him that he’s not so high and mighty and knows everything just because he always acts like it. I just want to knock him down a couple of notches. The satisfaction I would have if I could do that.” You snap out of your trance when your rambling stops, only to see Cynthia looking at you as if she saw a ghost. Her mouth’s agape, her eyes wide open, and her brows almost touching her forehead. “Oh… Never in a million years would I have imagined that somebody like you would go into so much detail about something like that.” You immediately cover your mouth and begin to sink into your seat on the couch, scared that you overshared or said something completely out of pocket for even a cons man. Just then, she eagerly leans in like a nosey little kid, hands on her knees to keep herself from falling forward. “How do you plan on doing that, though?” As if to save you from the question, the man in consideration walks in unbeknownst to your attention. Cynthia begins to chug the rest of her drink before leaving the glass for you to clean up and gracefully gets up from her seat on the other side of the glass coffee table. Before you can ask where she’s going, the voice least you expected to hear at the moment makes itself known.

 “A little get-together, and I wasn’t invited. How cruel. Let me guess. Edamame was here, huh? I can understand why he wouldn’t tell me, but you? I thought we were closer than that, bavarde.” He scans the area, seeing only two empty glasses before sitting half a foot away from you and pouring some wine into the glass that Edamura used. A stiff calmness passes through the air as you watch him take a refreshing swig of the expensive wine Cynthia bought. You don’t notice it, but you end up staring so hard that he catches on, watching your eyes drink in the sight of him piece by piece. Staring at his lips as they turn a slight shade of the deep red wine, his fingers as they firmly but delicately hold the glass to his mouth, and lastly, his eyes, which you only just now noticed were watching you back, causing him to smirk. The glass clinks onto the table as he turns his body towards you, laying an arm around the back of the couch. “So, you want to break me, huh?” You choke on your wine before finally finding your grounding, “I- I’m going to hit the hay-” You shoot up from your seat, but he grabs onto your wrist and pulls you down on his lap, “Oh no, don’t do that because I’d actually like to take you up on your interest.” He slides an arm around your waist, and a hand comes under your thigh to spread your legs. “I’d love to see what you can do, but I have one condition.”

—

If you can’t make me completely submit in thirty minutes, then I get to show you what I can do.

Of course, you pushed for forty minutes since you said it was unfair that he was way more experienced than you. So you might have just fucked yourself before he could with this deal. Still, you fight the urge to leave him tied up and run so you don’t go down without a fight.

 After briefly giving it some thought, you finally make your move by slowly stripping everything but your underwear and straddling a very bored Laurent’s hips. You make sure not to slide his length inside but leave its aching self behind your butt. “Finally, something is happening. You know, you’ve wasted a mighty fine ten minutes sitting there-” You interrupt him, wasting no more time on thoughts and words, and begin leaving kisses along his jawline. “Oooooh. Spicy first move.”

 “Shut up.” You say and begin putting your hands to work. One squeezes his cheeks together to prevent him from speaking, and the other sneaks behind you and gently rubs circles on his tip. He jerks up into your hand, and you nip his jaw as punishment, which isn’t the last time that happens. Precum begins to bead on his tip, and you gather some on your finger before putting it in your mouth while maintaining the finest eye contact. Laurent’s head falls back before you feel him buck under you. “Mhm!” You hear him bite back in his most tranquil voice. You smirk and pause your actions, “Hm? What was that?” He looks at you in muted shock from the way that you almost don’t sound like yourself. Then he sees the cloudiness in your eyes and puts two and two together that you’re tipsy. “Who are you?” You snicker at the genuineness in his voice, “The person who is going to break you.” With that answer, you slide off his lap, leaving a wet spot on one of his thighs, before dropping to your knees in front of him. You gulp before looking up at him, wondering if this is a good idea, only for him to give you a smug smile that boosts your confidence. Taking his dick into your hands, you spit on the tip as both of you watch the thin stream of warm liquid slide down to his balls, “That tickles!” You ignore his complaint and start stroking at a slow pace after spitting a couple more times regarding his pleasing length. You hum in arousal as your mouth entertains itself with his inner thighs, pressing soft kisses onto them before surprising him with a couple of nips.

 “Nice try, but easing your way into this at snail speed isn’t going to break me how you want it to.” You refuse to look his way, already knowing the expression he’ll be wearing if you do, the same shit-eating grin he always has. Viewing what he said, you have no problem brewing another idea.

 Feeling bolder than the last time, you don’t hesitate to start phase two of your plan. You stop nipping Laurent’s thigh and begin kissing your way to the tip of his shaft. Only then do you tease the tip gently with your teeth before finally taking it between your lips. And your lips are the only thing it touches. You focus on not bobbing your head and strictly kitten-licking the tip. He jerks up into you only to run into your teeth like a brick wall preventing him access. “If you want my mouth so bad, ask for it.” You glance at him and see his head tilted back as if the decision put his life on the line. But in reality, he was just trying to give himself time to cool down and let time fly by with his pride still intact. 

The knee-jerk reaction to look at you when you lick a line up his shaft for his attention wins, and he almost gives you a facial immediately. ‘What a sight for sore eyes.’ He thinks to himself. His eyes start at the bottom, where your legs are gathered neatly under you, then your ass which you poked out for him so generously before finally moving up to your lips that glistened with spit and precum. ‘Fuuuuuck!’ He thought to himself. He wasn’t sure if it was the liquid courage in your veins or if you were just a different person when you were horny, but he was confident that you were not the same shy tsundere he was talking to in the hotel’s living room. That shy person would never touch him like this. That tsundere wouldn’t have even admitted to wanting to break him. But he’s here now, so there is something that he undoubtedly doesn’t know or have right about you. 

You grab his attention by tapping his thigh since the licking wasn’t making him decide any faster. He redirects his eye line from your lips to your eyes, only to be met with the beautiful stare that captured him the first time you met him in a casino where you single-handedly scammed some rich guy for all he was worth. He clears his throat, trying to sound like he wasn’t about to pop if you breathed on him too hard. “Please, Y/n.” He asks. You frown, knowing you should be satisfied with what he gave you, but deep down, it feels like it’s not enough. Sure, he said please, but he still has that damn smug smile on his face, and he couldn’t even throw in the extra neediness you wanted. You want him to beg like it’s going to save his life, like if you don’t touch him, he’s going to die of yearning and blue balls. You need to rip that smile off his face and fast.

“I know you can do better than that, Laurent. Otherwise, I’d have to leave you high and dry. And you wouldn’t want that, would you?” You egg him on by sucking his tip harder than usual as you watch his stomach dip and do flips. He pushes out a heavy sigh of relief before you put his pleasure on hold once again and start kissing around where he needs you the most. Just when you start kissing up his length again, “Fuck, please don’t leave me hanging, bavarde.” You freeze from hearing the genuineness in his voice, and your head snaps up at him, expecting to see Laurent torn to shreds with his hair sticking to his forehead and panting faster than his ability to get a word out. But you’re met with a slightly different-looking smile. His brows furrow together while his lips shake up a tiny storm, and his teeth that you can barely see through his almost closed mouth grind together, ‘This is the hottest he’s ever looked.’

You smile at him and spit on his tip before gulping him down inch by inch until your nose reaches his pubic area. Trying your best not to gag, you move slowly while your fingers work magic that you didn’t even know you had on his balls, smiling when you hear his nails claw on the end of the armrest. “Thaf fewl gud?” You tease. Only to feel another heartbeat deep inside once you see his chest rise and fall quickly with his teeth encasing his bottom lip to suppress his heavy, serene groans, “C'est tellement bon, bébé.” He pants out, finding himself physically incapable of breaking eye contact with you even though he knows that’ll only make him finish faster. It’s just the euphoric way his cock slides down your warm, wet, and tight throat with ease that makes him want to explode a thousand times.

 ‘Not experienced my ass!’ He complains, regretting that he chose to go easy on you and allow you extra time. Now, he’s dangerously close to cumming down your throat as you suck all his pride away. And him cumming isn’t even the problem. It’s the matter that he held his head up so high, thinking that you wouldn’t even know what to do if you got near his dick. Then he was going to make you scream all night long once your little forty minutes were up, and you’d just keep on coming back to him when you were sexually frustrated because, in his head, there’s no way or anyone that can fuck better than him. And he was the best of all the girls he's fucked, but that other part. Oh, he is so wrong. And you’re only going to make it harder for him.

You start bobbing faster once you get comfortable with his size, even going as far as to take the opportunity to try out some stuff that you heard makes it more pleasurable for guys. You try moaning around him to produce vibrations, give him the salt and pepper to create friction when your mouth gets tired, and even ever so slightly rake your teeth along his shaft, which he wasn’t a big fan of, so you go back to the first two. “Are you close?” You ask after feeling his leg tense multiple times. “Je suis si proche.” He nods with his answer, knowing that you still aren’t as fluent as Cynthia in French, only to regret being so kind when you pull off of him. “Beg me to cum. You can’t cum otherwise.” You say, laying your head on his thigh while letting your fingers ghost up and down his very sensitive shaft. His head tilts back for the first time in a while, but you already know he’s trying to stall and let time run out. So you take it a step further and give your sore knees a rest by sitting on the end of his legs so his dick is in front of you. “No stalling. I need an answer now.” He takes no shame in staring when you start rubbing your panty-clad cunt against his erection, listening to each moan you throw in when the friction against your bundle of nerves becomes too much. “Come on, Laurent.” Words that sound like a siren’s song when said in this scenario, and he’s praying to god that he doesn’t give in when you move your panties to the side, exposing your glistening clit to the cold air. You lean forward, laying your head on his shoulder while gently grinding into and stroking his length, letting any shlick that oozes from your pussy melt onto him. “I’m waiting, Laurent.” You hear his breath hitch, and thinking you are getting a response out of him, you pop up. Only to realize that it was just him shying away from you with his eyes shut tight. Frustration begins to cloud your mind, and you grab him by his jaw, forcefully turning his head back over to you. “Laurent, you’re cheating. Honestly, I should win by default-”

 “Fuck!” He stiffly shoots out. “My… My answer is no!” Your teeth begin to grind until you feel his cock twitch with need in your hand. Realization and confidence paint a smile across your face, “Are you sure? Because your mind is trying desperately to resist my touch, but your body is falling victim to it so hard.” He shakes out of your grip and looks away once more, “I am sure.” You groan, “Then you leave me no choice.” You stroke him a couple of times before lining his dick up at your entrance, taking three fingers to transfer your shlick to the tip of his cock for easier access. The sensation is mythical in he has to clench every muscle in his body to not jerk into you, knowing that he’s going to explode during penetration. “Say goodbye to your pride. There is no way in hell you can come back after cumming on the first up and down.” You probe him at the entrance a few times, getting ready to sink onto him, but before you can. ‘Bloob, bloob, bloob, bloob, bloob.’ rings three times on the Apple watch Laurent is wearing. A heavy sigh is exiled from his mouth as all you can think is how close you were while untying him.

 But it’s hard to feel bummed when you catch a hot glimpse of Laurent greedily finishing himself off. His head lolling back onto the back of the chair with his bangs sticking to his forehead due to the sweat. Both of his hands double-fisted his length as fast but gently as possible before deciding that one was enough and started tweaking his nipples with the free hand. Then, his long legs stretch out, taking up more room than needed as they twitch with each jerk. And lastly, the string of curses that you swore you’ve heard your name floating around once or twice, which you certainly did. 

He delivers his last thrusts into his hand before cumming and collapsing back into the chair with a more fucked out expression than before. You roll your eyes and start gathering your clothes, “What are you doing?” He asks, immediately hopping out of his chair as if he didn’t just have the most insane and unhinged-looking orgasm ever. “I’m getting dressed to head back to my room, obviously. Why else would I be getting dressed? To sit around here? No.” You retort, prepping your shirt to put it on.“You must not remember the other half of the deal.” 

“Nope, I remember it just fine. I just figured that since you orgasmed right now, you’d be all done for the night.” You’d think he saw you as a clown or comedian because before you got the last word out, he was hysterical while rolling on the floor laughing. “No, no, no, no, no. That isn’t how this is going to play out because I have stamina and libido for days, and I haven’t had sex for a while, but I do have you here. Ready to play. And I'd be the dumbest man alive to watch you walk out of here after the torture you just put me through. So I think it’s time that I show you what I can do.”

Should I post part two?😵‍💫😋

[hotheadrednecksimmer]

Vault Tec Legacy Challenge

A couple days later back at Vault 95

Jameson: Is this okay? Is this helping?

Mabel: *breathes out* This is better.

Jameson: Okay, you just let me know when you want to move to a different position.

In the middle of the Vault

Val: Mom's gone and Dad is busy with Mabel. This is awful! It's my birthday.

Clem: I'm here, sis.

Val: yeah, great. My annoying little sister is here.

Clem: Hey!

Val: Okay, you're not that annoying.

Clem: I heard Mr. Ben is making a green cake!

Val: EW! I can't wait to see it!

Clem: I'm gonna blow out your candles before you will! HAHA

Val: DON'T YOU DARE!

In the Dining Hall

Clem: Look how GREEN!

Owyn: It looks so gross! Haha so cool! My dad is the best at making cakes!

Branson: I want one of these for my birthday!

Val: Well, you can't, because it's for my birthday!

Ben: I can make you one to Branson for your birthday, Val don't be mean to Branson.

Val: I'm sorry Branson, I'm sorry Mr. Ben.

Ben: It's okay Val. Let's sing Happy Birthday and blow out your candles!

The kids and Ben sing Happy Birthday to Val.

Val aged up into a teen gaining the trait, Self Absorbed. Her aspiration at the moment is Soulmate [Which I'm probably going to ignore because I personally don't think teens should have young adult/adult aspirations].

Val as a teen! [I also did not plan for the boys to be up there, that's so funny. I think Owyn has to pee too. I saw the hat and had to put it on her, I couldn't stop myself.]

In the Medical Bay

Mabel had a difficult birth, with Jameson no where to be found.

Introducing our newest Vault Dweller Bellamy Graham born at 8 PM at 21.1 inches and 7.6 lbs. Mabel gave birth to Bellamy by herself, Jameson no where to be found.

In the Dining Hall

Saylor and Ben have a small birthday party for their little girl, Ophelia!

╭┈◦•◦❥•◦ First | Previous | Next

╭┈◦•◦❥•◦ Updated Character List

[shurislover]

All Of Me

Letitia Wright x Black Fem Reader

Baby Mama Drama Part 2

idk how many words but this is kinda long

Summary

- It’s been 2 years since Letitia’s big turn around. She has been in Aria’s life ever since , she’s gained your trust and love back. She non stop shows you and Aria love in the media anytime someone asks. This is the Letitia you’ve loved from the start and you were glad to have her back.

“ Babyyyyyyyyy wake up I have a surprise planned for you “- Letitia laughs as she shakes you awake

“ I don’t want to get out of bed, and quiet down I don’t want Aria waking up , we trynna take our naps“ - You groaned

“ Aria isn’t here , I dropped her off at my mothers house. She’s staying the night because I have something special for you. “ - Letitia smiled

During these 2 years Letitia changed drastically. She was there for you and Aria 24/7 , her anger issues were pretty much non existent, She was 2 years sober from drinking. She cut off every person she’s slept with expect Eva because they started off best friends and you loved Eva she was a great Godmother to Aria.

You groaned

“ Alright alright fine , let me go shower. What am i wearing today ?” - You asked

“Something sexy”- Letitia smirked

You jokingly rolled your eyes and gave Letitia a quick kiss on the lips and walked into the bathroom.

——

You finally finished blow drying your curly hair and was satisfied with the way you looked

You decided on wearing a gold dress with shoes to match

“ Mmm you look so good I could kiss you “- Letitia smirked

“ So do it “ - You teased

Letitia softly grabbed you by the chin and pulled you closer, your lips connected to hers like a magnet. At this moment nothing else mattered.

Her hands slid down from your face

to your arms

to your waist

This kiss felt like you guys were in Heaven. You were so weak in the knees for this woman. You craved her 24/7.

Her hands then slid down to your ass as she softly grabbed you.

You could help but moan in her mouth.

At this point y’all have been kissing for a few minutes and your lungs couldn’t take not having air anymore, so you gently pushed her away and licked your lips

“ Let’s go before we end up not going anywhere & I end up eating you out on this couch “ - You winked

“ I mean I wouldn’t stop you “ - Letitia grabbed you hand and guided you towards the couch

“ Nope we are going. I need to know what you have planned, I got woken up out my nap for this” - You giggled

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Letitia surprised you by taking you to a restaurant, but not just any restaurant it’s the exact restaurant she asked you to be her girlfriend for the first time.

She had gotten a private and secluded part of the restaurant so we could have less distractions from others.

She had set up the tables with your favorite flowers ( sunflowers ) , rose petals sprawled all over the floor and your favorite R&B playlist playing in the background.

“ I’m so lucky to have you. “ - You broke the comfortable silence

“ Actually i’m lucky to have you. I appreciate you so much y/n and i’m very grateful you gave me another chance to redeem myself. Im so lucky to have Aria too, that girl is my whole world and i’m grateful I can be there for her every moment“ - Letitia smiled

The moment she brought up Aria , it made you think about a question that’s been on your mind for a couple months.

Honestly you were ready for another baby. You and Letitia have spoken about it but the conversation just drifted off into another conversation. You knew Letitia wanted another baby but didn’t know when.

“ Hey pretty mama. Whatcha thinking about ?”- Letitia asked as she sipped her sparkling water

Before your brian could think of a lie you blurted out

“ Another baby”

Letitia choked on her water

“ Woah , I was not expecting that answer “ - she smiled

“ Do you not want another baby ?” - you questioned

“ I definitely want another baby. The other day i watched you hold your best friends baby and couldn’t help but imagine you with another one. Just thinking about Aria and you with a baby on your hip waiting for me to come home .”- Letitia sighed

“ Let’s go make a baby then ?”- You shrugged

“ You’re so bold today, maybe later I have the surprise to give you but first let me use the restroom. - Letitia jumped up and jogged out the room.

You sat and admired the flowers for a bit wondering what’s taking her so long to pee.

Before you could continue your thoughts the lights automatically dim.

“ Um ? Tish ?” - You stood up confused

Cause all of me loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Then your all time favorite song starts playing.

All of Me by John Legend

Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose, I'm winning

And that’s when the water works started. You watch as your girlfriend walked out with her hands behind her back

“ What are you doing this time ?” - You sniffled

She stood right in front of you and smiled

“ The moment I met you for the first time will always be one of the best memories in my life because it was the day my life changed. I remember you on the red carpet at the Black Panther premiere and I couldn’t take my eyes off you. That day I knew you had to be mine. “

You couldn’t help but smile.

“From that exact day we spent every minute together and I fell more and more in love with you. I loved having you by my side. I loved taking you to different places. I love how you always wanted to travel with me to promote my movie. You stuck by me through the toughest times in my life and I am forever grateful.

After months of being around each other I was so excited for to you meet my family because I knew my mother would love you. And I was absolutely right. Not sure if you know this but my mother and I watched how you played with my little sister and was in awe of how much of a kind person you are. My mother whispered to me “ you gotta marry this one, she’s a keeper “ From that day I knew you were the one I wanted to share every single moment of my entire life with.

That next day I made you my girlfriend and I couldn’t wait to show you off to the world. I remember putting in my story “ Incase you guys are wondering what’s making me so happy it’s this girl right here “ Man being with you made me so damn happy. So happy I proposed 3 months later.

“ That was the quickest I ever moved in a relationship “ - You laughed

Letitia couldn’t help but laugh with you.

Y/N , you encouraged me to get up every morning and do great things. You encouraged me to go out and have fun, to let loose. Ever since losing my brother it’s been so hard for me to be myself and not hide away from everyone. But you helped me come out of my shell and I’m the happiest i’ve ever been. You are truly my inspiration, my rock , my sun , my everything.

You stuck by me for so long even when I didn’t deserve you by my side. I did so much in life I regret. I made so many bad decisions to the point I lost you and our child, and till this day I still regret my decisions. I made sure if I wanted you both back in my life I had to change my ways. And i did just that. I took time away from everything to make sure I could be a good person not only to you or our baby but to myself. I’m extremely grateful for you giving me another chance even though sometimes I don’t think I deserve it. I love you so fucking much it hurts.

I am making a promise to do everything I can to be the perfect person for you and to be the wife you absolutely deserve. I will do everything in my power to make sure your beautiful smile never fades. God has given me the greatest and most precious gift I could ask for and I am so thankful. I am looking forward to the day when my last name will become yours again. And yes I did say again. I want our love and support to be even stronger this time.

You watched as she took a small step back

“ Y/N will you make me the luckiest woman on Earth. “

Your heart started beating so fast, it felt like it was gonna pop right out your chest.

Letitia got down on one knee

“Will you marry me ?”

You stood there in shock ? Because the love of your life was there in front of you with your dream ring.

The tears poured right out

“ YES YES A MILLION TIMES YES” - You squealed

Letitia slid the ring on your finger and picked you up in the tightest hug.

“ I love you do much baby “- You mumbled

“ I love you even more.”- she smiled

———————————

On the car ride home you were beaming. You’ve waiting to experience this day again. You felt like a kid on Christmas getting a gift they’ve waited all year for.

You wondered why your phone was blowing up because you haven’t announced anything yet. You opened your eyes home and seen you received over hundreds of text messages , phone calls , notifications from different apps so you checked Instagram first and couldn’t help but smile

liked by evssofficial and 348,768 others

letitiawright - found my Mrs Wright

view all 22,000 comments

kehlani - finally, happy for you both

evssofficial - YES YES !! been waiting for this one

letitiasbbygrl - IM SO HAPPY IM SCREAMING

lupitanyongo - proud of you tish , can’t wait for the wedding

shuriheartsriri - NO FLIPPING WAY. SHE DESERVES ALL HAPPINESS

You scrolled through the comments and were soo happy with all the positive comments , you turned off your phone and gave Letitia a kiss on the cheek.

“ I love you forever and always “ - you mumbled

“ And i love you to infinity and beyond “- Letitia answered back

……………………………………………..

i finally finished lmaooooooo i changed the idea of this so many times , and im very thankful for how patient you guys have been. and thank you for showing Part One so much love.

I’m always open for some ideas you guys might have. Hope u enjoyed 💕

[avissapiens]

Jockbull Summer Final Week Set B (1/1/24-7/1/24)

Model Used is Oliver Forslin

The bulk of this set was a total wash ngl

1.

Started on a totally new training regiment. A modified Prebuilt PPL from Jeff Nippard (registered Shortstack big titty science bro). So im usually more honed in on that and I want to give myself as good a chance as possible with the new movements. That unfortunately doesn’t mean freeballing it.

2.

Ideally i’d like to work at my own gym once this is all over. Maybe get some of the richer high schoolers with Mommy’s money to hire me out so they stop training like morons. But it came to my attention that they already hired on 2 new trainers out of nowhere that i’d never seen before. So who knows. The alternative course would be applying at my University rec center now that it’s finally reopened. It would mean a massive readjustment of my schedule and soo much stress having to come in on days i don’t even have school. But it would mean a bit of extra security in income since the school would pay out of the Student’s rec center registrations. Plus, there are a fair few studs on campus. Not many since it's a research university in the middle of a city, but there are some. I suppose the final option that might end up blowing up in my face is leveraging the 4 years of hard community building work i've done and going into Online coaching. Combine the hypno spin with an actual plan to help dudes transform. I think that's pretty reasonable.

3.

Got a single one of these in on probably the worst day to get it in on. No sleep. Minor fever. House bullshit and an infinite amount of fucking stress leading on to the rest of the week. And then the next day realizing that 25 mins straight of decently high resistance cycling isn’t great for my fucking knees. Sighhhh. The relationship with cardio is so precarious.

4.

Same justification as number 1. This Nippard programme has Dropsets integrated intp some of the exercises and I want to stick to it fairly closely. It’s not bad, but the stimulus to fatigue feels so weird. I don’t get crazy pumps from it which is a bummer cause i’m FINALLY back on carbs and could swell tf up. But this workout tuckers me out and leaves me sore the next few days. Which doesn’t normally happen unless its for novel movements. Interesting state of things Mr Nippard. I shall keep at it for now but i feel like i got a better stimulus with my own designed workout.

5.

Speaking of being back on carbs. The first couple weeks of shifting from a heavy cut to maintainence again (roughly. I imagine i’m still in a slight deficit), is that your body retains more water again because of the new replenished thirsty carb stores. This means I look fairly soft, fairly round. Especially in my cheeks. SOooooo fewer pics taken because i would like to not take psychic damage.

[shipmistress9]

Made to Order - 4

AN: Oh, look. That plan I mentioned with four big plot points for 'chapter two'? Yeah, it turned into four separate chapters after all. How… very not surprising. 😂

Previous Chapter AO3

. o O o .

When my phone pings with a new message, I flinch. I can’t help it. It’s been like this for three days now, ever since Violet was here again and I made an utter fool of myself.

With every message I receive, I expect her to call me out on my inexcusable behaviour. That I’m acting unprofessional if she’s being gentle or that I’m a creep if she’s being brutally honest. I don’t think she’d cancel the order, not after my official account received a generous down payment from a Dain Aetos. But she could refuse to meet in person again, and I couldn’t even blame her for it. Maybe it would be better that way anyway. No more chances for me to get entangled even deeper in this mess.

Studiously, I keep kneading a fresh batch of gum paste and ignore both the phone and my ever-spiralling thoughts. They can’t lead anywhere anyway.

After a few more minutes, the paste is smooth enough even for Liam’s taste, and I stow it away into the fridge, wrapped up air-tight, of course. At the rate Liam is currently modelling one flower after the other, we’ll need this new batch by tomorrow.

“Do you need help here?” I ask as I slide into the bench opposite of him, the sturdy work table at the back of the bakery between us covered with modelling tools and countless flowers already drying.

Liam’s lips twitch into a grin, his eyes never leaving the large rose he’s working on. “So desperate for distraction? But sure. Could you prepare a few more petals for this one?”

I quickly check my phone, the message I got earlier, and am relieved to find it’s just another customer confirming an appointment. “No idea what you mean,” I say, absentmindedly placing the phone onto the table next to me.

Liam snorts, knowing how little I enjoy this fiddly work. Give me dough and fillings and let me experiment with aromas and spices. Let me construct a cake with many layers and frosting, built for perfection. I even enjoy decorating the final cake with fondant, more frosting, or various decorations. But making these filigrane decorations? Not my favourite part, and I gladly leave this to Liam. But the least I can do is help as best I can, so I reach for the gum paste the rich colour of orange peel and do my best not to mess it up.

For a while we work in companionable silence, and as always, I’m amazed at how easy Liam makes it look, how realistically his flowers seem, as if they would move if a breeze were to blow by, and how accurately he colours the paste accordingly to the palette Violet gave me, an almost pinkish salmon hue this time. There really is no question about who of us is the artist.

My phone pings again with another message, and even though I see directly that it’s just a confirmation for a delivery, I flinch again. At some point, I will have to face her judgement. It’s only a matter of time.

“Is everything okay with you?”

“Sure,” I reply without looking over to him. He’d see right through me. He probably does, anyway. “Why shouldn’t I be okay?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Liam drawls, pushing the stem of the next finished rose into the styrofoam block. “Maybe because you’ve been incredibly tense and nervous lately. Even more so than usual. I know that something’s bothering you, okay? Don’t even try to deny it.”

He really knows me too well.

I grunt, hoping beyond hope that he’ll drop the topic. I don’t want to talk about this whole mess, wouldn’t even know what to tell him at this point. It’s all just so stupid. Who ever gets a severe crush like this on a customer just from a couple of short interactions? Ridiculous.

“Xaden?”

I sigh and open my mouth, still not sure what to tell him, when the entrance bell to the front room rings.

“I gotta take that,” I say, too relieved about the interruption to wonder who might be coming into the shop. There’s been no appointment today. Or was there? I’m not even sure anymore. Gods, constantly thinking about Violet Sorrengail is really messing with me.

Which becomes even more obvious when I enter the front room and see her standing there by the door when I’m absolutely sure it can’t be real.

I’m such a mess.

I close my eyes and count to five, slowly, giving my mind time to catch up with reality. But when I open my eyes again, she’s still standing there. Her hair perfectly styled into a messy-looking braid that’s hanging over her shoulder, a light dust of make-up making her eyes shine, her lips even more inviting than ever as she once again contemplates all the different cakes with a little smile on her face.

Gods, I’m so fucked.

But at least she came here again and she also doesn’t seem to be angry, a little voice in my head tries to calm me. Isn’t that a good thing?

Swallowing, I quickly rebuild my composure before stepping closer to the counter, into her viewing field. “Violet?” I ask, my voice only slightly quivering. “Did I forget an appointment?”

At my words, she pivots toward me, the smile on her face growing even brighter. “Hey, Xaden. No, ah, we didn’t have an appointment. But I just got the final list and I thought I’d stop by to discuss it? If you have the time now?”

I blink, a bit stunned despite her perfectly normal words. So, she doesn’t hate me? Doesn’t think I was overstepping with how obvious my interest for her must have been? Or didn’t she even notice? Fuck, I wish I could look into her head, know what she’s thinking. “Yeah, sure, now is fine. But you could have just sent it over as well.”

I gesture over to the sitting area, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t have time to stay long and I… Well, I was going for a walk anyway, so I thought… why not stop by in person?” She gives me another heart-stopping smile and brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. And in the light reflecting off the floor, it almost looks like there’s a blush on her cheeks. But no, I must be imagining that. It’s just the light. It can’t be real.

Wordlessly, I nod, keeping my eyes on the sheet of paper she places on the counter between us and my hands well out of reach of hers. I can’t afford slipping up again just because she’s standing less than a metre away from me.

“So, the allergies first, I’d say. Dain’s allergic to nuts, of course. I could have told you that as well.”

She chuckles, shaking her head, but I refuse to look at her. Because I know if I do, I’ll lose it. My head is just too full with thoughts like ‘She’s back!’ to really comprehend much else.

“And then someone from the in-laws is apparently allergic to apples?” Violet shrugs, thankfully unaware of my thoughts. “But that’s it there. Ah, and Dain’s mum apparently requested not to use any sugar substitutes. Don’t ask me from which new conspiracy theory that stems.”

“Noted,” I say with a slight smirk, keeping my composed front easier now that we’re back on professional topics.

But also, apparently it’s not just her future father-in-law she doesn’t like, as it seems. Honestly, doesn’t she have any close friends who’re in the right position to talk her out of this wedding? Because if I can see this is not right for her, then… Too bad I’m definitely not in the right position to change her mind, though. I mustn’t. And who am I to judge her decisions anyway.

“No apples and no… uhm, how severely is Dain allergic to nuts? Should I just keep all crunchy brittle and such away from this cake, or are any traces of nuts in, for example, a chocolate frosting a problem already?”

At this, I do look up at her again, after all. I really can’t avoid looking at her for the next two months, so I better get used to it. But, damn, does she look pretty. Even prettier than the last times she was here, it seems. More awake. Happier. Almost glowing even with that true smile on her face.

“No, small traces of nuts aren’t an issue. It’s just whole and untreated walnuts and sometimes hazelnuts that can cause a reaction, but it’s never been life-threatening and chocolate in general never caused a problem.”

I nod. “Okay, that makes things easier.” I read through the following list of possible fillings, sometimes with names behind them. They’re good solid suggestions, enough to pick from—but somehow something is missing. I’m usually a pretty good judge of character when it comes to which cake is someone’s favourite. And even though I don’t really know yet which one I would have picked for Violet… none of these really match. “Well, I can work with these,” I say nonetheless.

Violet lets out a relieved little sigh. “That’s good.” She pushes the list toward me, then steps away, ready to leave.

“Do you want to see a few first flowers for your cake?”

The question is out of my mouth before I can think, and I wish I could slap a hand over my lips to stuff it back in. Yes, I know I don’t want her to leave already. But do I really need to make a fool of myself again?

Grimacing, Violet throws me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I really wish I could. But I’m just on my lunch break and really need to head back.”

Right. She probably has a job somewhere. A whole life, for Dunne’s sake, with a fiancé and all. And I just keep being an idiot over and over again.

“But… I could stop by tomorrow evening? If that doesn’t mess with your schedule? Because I’d really like to see them.”

This time, it is on me to smile. “Yeah, tomorrow evening is fine.”

“Perfect,” she grins. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow,” I nod.

Violet leaves, but even after she’s gone, long after she’s out of my sight, I still can’t stop grinning. She doesn’t hate me. Maybe, she really didn’t notice my slip-up, after all. Or she’s used to people falling for her left and right. Wouldn’t surprise me with how gorgeous she is.

I take another heartbeat or three to bask in the lightness her visit left in my chest, that fluttering something when she smiled at me, then I head back into the bakery. There are lots of flowers waiting to be made.

As I sit down again, Liam studies me with a strange look. “Okay, now, you have to tell me what’s up with you.”

“What do you mean?” I reply, biting my lip. In my mind, I still can see Violet, hear her laughter. Surely he’s not wondering about me being overly tense anymore?

Liam puts aside the half-finished rose, one in a soft apricot colour this time, and raises both eyebrows at me. “Xaden, you’re smiling. I know you broody and serious and troubled and anxious. I mean, it’s not that I haven’t seen you happy, either. But when you’re visibly happy like this, there’s always a good reason for it. So shoot. What’s up.”

Snorting, I shake my head. He really knows me too well. And he’s right, isn’t he? I’m happy.

I’m happy when there really is no reason to feel that way.

My shoulders drop as do the corners of my mouth, the lightness in my chest evaporating. What’s the point in being happy? Sure, Violet doesn’t hate me, which makes working for her easier. And, of course, I like working with her, it’s easy, fun, simple. I like being with her, around her, like talking to her, listening to her, looking at her.

But that’s the problem. I like it too much. I like it too much when there’s no path that could lead to more. Because I wish there was, no point in denying it. But there never will be.

My lips twitch up into a smile again, but it’s a sad one now. “It’s nothing, Liam. Nothing.”

. o O o .

Since Violet didn’t specify when she would be here, I spent a good time waiting for her in the front room. I probably have other things to do, but somehow I don’t care. All that matters is not missing even one moment of her being here.

When she arrives, my face lights up, I just can’t help it, and I walk to her directly to greet her. There’s that beautiful smile on her face when she sees me, her eyes gleaming with happiness. She lifts her arm as if to hug me in greeting, and for a brief second, I reason with myself that it’s perfectly fine to hug her if that’s what she wants. Everything to make the customer feel welcome. But fuck it. I want to hug her. No other reason needed.

All but brimming with joy and uncalled-for excitement, I lean down to accommodate her—when she brings her hand to the back of my neck and twists her head just so that our lips meet.

For the fraction of a second, I freeze, too stunned to react. She’s kissing me! But then my eyes flutter shut and I give in.

I tilt my head to meet her at a better angle, shuddering at her little mewl as I kiss her back. My lips move with hers, sliding, pressing. My hands landed on her shoulders but now one is moving up to her neck to pull her in even deeper while the other is sliding down, along the curves of her sides, finally settling on her tiny waist. Amari help me, she feels so good beneath my hands, her kiss so sweet. I pull her closer and feel her smile against my mouth before she parts my lips with her own, her tongue seeking mine. I can’t help it and groan into her mouth. This is everything I wanted, everything I dreamed of, it’s—

With a start, I wake up. My eyes are wide, my heart pounding in my chest as the memories of my dream settle in my conscious mind. What the fuck…?

Unable to lie still for even a second, I all but jump out of my bed and head to my bathroom. The water is icy, but I don’t care, and only after my face is dripping and I’m fully awake do my thoughts start to make sense again.

It was just a dream.

It wasn’t real.

Violet didn’t kiss me.

But, fuck, do I wish it was real.

Sinking down onto the edge of the tub, I bury my face in my hand and let out a low curse. “What is wrong with me?” I mutter to myself. “She’s engaged, for fuck’s sake. I can’t fall for her, dammit!”

But that’s exactly what’s happening, whether I want it or not. Whether it’s sensible or not. My shoulders slump and a short desperate laugh escapes me as I can’t fight the truth any longer. I’m falling for her, hard. And no amount of logical arguing is going to get me out of this.

. o O o .

In a way, admitting my feelings to myself makes things easier, I decide as I pick a few of the flowers Liam made and arrange them on a styrofoam stand. Or at least I hope it does. Yesterday, the logical part of my brain was dreading seeing her again this afternoon. Nothing good could come from this, after all. And at the rate she’s ripping away my self-control, who knows what might happen the next time I slip up.

But by now… It’s not that these thoughts aren’t still there. It’s just that… without having to fight how I feel, with letting myself feel what I feel, I think it will be easier to keep my interactions with her at an acceptable level. I’m falling for her and I can fight these feelings just as little as I can change that there’s no future for us. All I can do is somehow deal with the whole mess.

So I’ll just roll with it. Because there’s also another part of my brain, the part that’s just excited, just looking forward to seeing her again. To spend a little time with her. To enjoy her voice and her smiles for however long I can.

Deep down, I know this is not the most healthy way to deal with my feelings. But it’s the only solution I can come up with.

. o O o .

When I enter the front room, she’s already sitting in her usual space, visibly content. Once again, I take a short moment to just enjoy seeing her like this, a moment to look at her unrestrained before I let her notice me. And I already feel lighter, more in control. Nothing weird will happen while she’s here, I swear to myself. And I always keep my promises.

“Hey,” I greet her, my defences already built up against her greeting smile. And to my relief, it’s indeed easier on me this time.

“Hey to you, too. And thanks again for meeting with me. I’m not keeping you from work, am I?”

“No, don’t worry. From Wednesday to Sunday, I’m busy preparing the fresh cakes for the weddings, but since most of them are during weekends, Monday and Tuesday are usually calmer.”

Violet nods. “Makes sense.”

“Do you want something to drink today?” Again, I know it’s just a normal question, just the usual politeness towards a customer. It doesn’t matter that it might mean more to me, as long as I keep my emotions in this tight little bubble.

Out of habit, I turn to start the coffee machine when Violet replies, a little hesitant. “Could I… maybe get a hot chocolate again? Honestly, I’ve never had one that tasted so delicious.”

The smile tugging at my lips is real as I nod. “Sure. Just give me a minute or two.” It’s still stupid, to grant her this special treatment. But I can enjoy the simple fact that she likes something I prepared, can’t I? It’s innocent, nothing meaningful.

When I return to her, I hold her mug in one hand and the stand with the pre-picked flowers I prepared earlier in the other. That’s what she came here for, after all, despite me offering to show her yesterday only having been an excuse.

“Mmh, thank you,” she hums, taking the mug and inhaling deeply. “I’ve been thinking about this for days now. The hot chocolate.” She takes a sip and sighs. “Even better than I remembered.”

I smile again. “You’re welcome.” I like the thought that she thought of me as well, for whatever reason.

Violet takes another sip, visibly getting comfortable, and I don’t fight the happiness this sight brings me anymore. What’s the point? Obviously, she’s happy now. Whatever bothered her before about her wedding must be out of the way now. Which is good. I’m glad for her. Nothing could have developed between us anyway, so I ignore that sting.

“And these are the flowers you made?” Her eyes are on the petal paste roses, filled with clear awe. “They look so real.”

“They do, don’t they?” I say, not hiding the pride I feel. “And yeah, we made them. Well, mostly my coworker, to be honest. My area of expertise is more what goes into the cake.”

“Glad to hear you’re at least honest to her,” a voice calls from behind me, and I flinch. Why is Liam back already?

I turn in my seat, now trying harder to suppress my emotions. If Liam sees how annoyed I am about him being early, I’ll never hear the end of it. “I’d never take credit that’s not mine.”

Liam cocks his head, making a show of thinking about my words, and then nods. “Fair enough.”

With a small sigh, I turn back toward Violet. I’m a little disappointed that I don’t get to enjoy this meeting as I planned to, but it’s probably better this way. With Liam around as a buffer, I’m definitely not going to slip up again. “Violet, this is Liam, my co-worker.”

“And roommate, foster brother, and general life saver. At your service.” He makes a show of bowing towards Violet, and I can’t help but roll my eyes a little. He’s such a flirt. But maybe, that’s good. Makes our interactions lighter, easier.

Violet chuckles. “Nice to meet you, Liam. I’m Violet.”

“Violet is the one who ordered the cake with the orange roses,” I explain, waving at the examples in their stand. “Which is why she’s here. So see a few first samples.”

“I see,” Liam drawls, giving me side eyes. He knows damn well that a meeting like this it’s not typical.

“What are you doing here already, by the way?” I ask, stirring the conversation away from any possible follow-up questions. “Shouldn’t you still have classes?”

“Classes got cancelled because our prof called in sick. I’m attending art school,” he explains for Violet. “I only help out here in my free time and because I can get credits for my courses for modelling some of these decorations. And because Xaden here would be entirely lost without me.” He nudges my shoulder with his fist.

“Thanks, asshole,” I mutter but can’t help smiling. He’s not wrong, after all.

Violet eyes us with a tiny smirk. “I see. So, you’re the one I really need to talk to here? Regarding the decorations?”

Liam’s shoulders square and a wide grin spreads across his face. “Absolutely. Xaden can’t even tell the difference between pinkish orange and salmon colour. So if you’re here to talk about the finer details for your cake, I’m your man.”

Violet laughs, soft but real, and I can’t be annoyed at Liam, not when this is how he makes her react. My happiness is not what’s important here, only hers.

“Well then,” Violet says, her chin resting on her propped-up hand. “What do you, as an expert, think of our plan for this cake? Any thoughts?”

At that, I snort. Liam has always thought about how people want their cakes.

Grinning, Liam sinks into the chair between us. “I’m so glad you asked. Are you sure you only want roses? Because no matter how realistically I make these, on their own they will always look weird and artificial. Now, if you’d let me add some greenery and filler flowers, though? That’s what makes the decoration really pop.” He holds up a hand to halt her protest and I let him because I agree. We’ve had this conversation a hundred times already, after all. Without customers, though. “I know what you want to say. The decoration is supposed to stick to the signature colour palette. But trust me, adding greenery doesn’t interfere with that. Think of the bridal bouquet and the general flower decorations. Those will come with greenery, too, and nobody will think it looks weird or out of place. Why should it be different for the flower decoration on the cake? Come here, let me show you what I mean.”

He gets up and beckons Violet to follow him, which she does after throwing me a little glance. I settle back in my seat and watch as Liam stirs her through the room, showing her different examples, some simply with petal paste leaves, others with baby’s breath or other flowers woven into the decoration.

And I find myself… feeling content. Seeing her following Liam’s explanations with true interest, the little smiles she throws at me in between, her honest laughter filling the shop every now and then. Maybe this wasn’t how I expected this meeting to go, but that’s okay. Because I truly could get used to this, just having her around, just for the joy of it.

What does it matter that nothing can come of it when I can simply enjoy the little things? Like how her entire face lights up when she smiles, the blue outshining the amber in her hazel eyes. The curve of her lips and the way her hair shimmers when it reflects the light. Not to mention her witty comments and the inner strength she has to posses for going through with something despite the difficulties.

It’ll only last for less than two months, but until then, I want to enjoy every moment I can. Maybe it’s stupid, my heart telling me it would never be enough.

But it has to be enough so maybe, it will.

. o O o .

AN: Yeah, Xaden, that's the way to go. Get used to having her around. That's totally not going to blow in your face...

(PS: Since it sounds better and also fits better to the word I'd use in my native tongue, I replaced 'gum paste' with the alternative phrase 'petal paste', in case anyone was wondering.)

Next Chapter

[takeariskao3]

So, full disclosure

chapter 16 of the path from you has been hanging over my head for months and i think most of you have guessed why... for those who haven't or who are curious to know more about why it's taking so long, i've decided to be pretty open and candid below the cut. there aren't any outright spoilers but more just an explanation about the process i've been going back and forth on since.... february ?? (ffs)

this isn't directly in response to that anon from last night but they did make a valid point that i have been promising an update and failing to deliver so, if you're wondering why, keep reading

i very much realize that this is my hobby, and i do it for fun, and i don't owe anyone an explanation but i still feel like i can give one anyway. most of you have probably guessed that the next 3-4 chapters of the path from you are harry and ginny reaching their boiling points and finally having it out (in more ways than one)

my problem has been that i have a very specific order of events in my head about how it should all unfold but everytime i sit down to write, harry and ginny jump ahead three chapters and start ruining all my plans. i think they, and i, are ready for some conversations to start happening, however, if they break one wall, then they all come crashing down and to be honest, i'm a little bit attached to what i've already written in 17-18-19 to truly be able to blow it all up again.

now, with that being said, i also think i've gotten to the point where i know it's time for some reconciliation. unfortunately, my ego/pride/self-confidence is getting in the way a little bit because, in my opinion, a well-executed emotional payoff separates a good writer from a great one, and in the spirit of full honesty, i want to be great.

this version of harry and ginny, and all of you who have stuck with me for this long, have earned a damn good moment and i really *really* want it to be the best possible unfolding of events it can be. full of heart and vulnerability and passion.

the people that i talk to almost everyday about this fic (@narukoibito, @fairsquare16, @corneliaavenue-ao3, @herblazinglook, @ginwhisky, @brightlybound, & @valfromcall) can tell you that i have been laboring and struggling and agonizing over this chapter for months. this is not something i take lightly and this fic means a whole lot to me in a lot of really personal ways, so i have been taking a massive amount of time getting us to where we are because i want to get it right. i want harry and ginny's reasons for ending up where they are to feel honest and i want their resolution to feel cathartic. and maybe this is where i'm crippling myself, by trying to make it perfect, but dammit HARRY AND GINNY DESERVE PERFECT

thank you to everyone who reached out last night and over the past few weeks with love and encouragement and support. you guys mean more to me than you will ever know. any good vibes you can throw my way while i write tonight would be much appreciated. chapter 16 is close. i had a revelation a couple nights ago about why i kept getting stuck so hopefully this newfound direction will finally get us to the finish line.

i guess i'll end by saying this, if ever you are curious about what i'm working on or what's coming up next or why an update is taking so long, just ask. i am an open book. i swear i'm not intentionally holding out on you. and if i promise an update and come back a few days later saying its not ready yet, please remember that i am trying to put out the best possible version of my stories and i am just as disappointed as you are that i'm not updating.

as always, thanks for reading and for allowing me the space to create this version of h/g's love story.