#i mean technically we are talking about surgery pain here but its not like all the chronic pain disappears for surgery

[milkweedman]

Second round of seedlings so far ! I have no idea what any of the flowers coming up are (ran out of labels a few years ago and now i just like to guess until it's big enough to be obvious lol) but the beets (red shoots with green leaves) and spinach (no closeups but its the ones that look like little grass) are doing well, as is the singular melon that actually germinated. Not sure what happened there, maybe i planted the rest too deep. The sage, basil, amd parsley are all from the first round of seedlings and just growing slowly and steadily. Should probably thin them, i guess...

Also, the lavendar outside is doing that molting thing again which i love, and the Old Stump in the front yard is looking particularly nice today.

[axiang-n-chengling-s-dads]

Eun Dan Oh: Changing Her Fate

“I just want to live my own life. I want to live as the Eun Dan Oh who says and does what she wants. (...) Let’s change our fate together.”

She was supposed to die

There is much to say about Eun Dan Oh, but there are two things I want to discuss first. Number one, I feel strongly that she was not supposed to live till the end, and that there could be no other protagonist of the show other than her.

To start the first one off, here is the character sheet for ‘Secret’.

Here, Eun Dan Oh is right down in the really extra characters, whereas Kim Ae-Il is actually right beside Baek Kyung. In contrast to this, over the course of the story, Dan Oh gets a lot of screen time (page time?), with her heart disease, Bake Kyung’s changed feelings towards her, the healing of her heart, and the ‘happy ending’ for them, whereas Kim Ae-Il barely has any lines at all.

This means that Dan Oh, by constantly changing the stage and bringing herself to the author’s attention, added to her importance in the story. It is possible that Baek Kyung’s changed feelings in the shadow also impacted the stage.

Secondly, is this line by Dried Squid Fairy. When Lee Do Hwa asks him if its possible that Eun Dan Oh might die.

“It is only possible because she is an extra.”

This hints at the fact that if she become more important to the plot, i.e. not just an underdeveloped extra, she might live. Now as we know, by changing the stage constantly, and sometimes becoming a part of them, she became more important to the plot. If she had not, she’d have still been an extra, and possibly died.

My third argument is the storyboard that Eun Dan Oh sees of her surgery before she dies. The doctor shouts out her name in despair, a teardrop falls from her eye, and most importantly-- she visibly flatlines in the storyboard.

When Haru switches the medical papers, this surgery goes to Ju Da’s grandmother-- as per what we already know, she must now technically face the same fate as Dan Oh in the storyboard.

That however, does not happen. When both Lee Do Hwa and Oh Nam Ju talk about the surgery, they express that the surgery went ‘well’. Of course, flatlining during a surgery is not great, and definitely causes complications, so the fact that Ju Da’s grandmother doesn’t face much means that not only were the roles switched like they are every time, but the basic story in itself changed.

It makes a lot of sense to me that initially Eun Dan Oh was destined to die. She would be an extra that could be killed off without much pain to the readers, but the incomplete love story between her and Baek Kyung would force the readers to now look for, and root for, a reciprocated one-- Nam Joo and Ju Da. This trope (unfinished love story of the second or third leads) is often used in romances and many k-dramas, and it makes sense that this is what the author wanted to do.

However, Eun Dan Oh becomes more than just a love-bridge, and forces her way into making more and more pages for herself, allowing her character to develop fully.

Her Philosophy

The second thing I wanted to talk about is her way of looking at things, and why it means she is the only person who could have been the protagonist of Extraordinary You.

"Because my life belongs to me.”

This is one of the first things that Dan Oh says when she finds out she’s a comic character. In fact she also says something similar later on when she loses her self-awareness. Even in that state, Eun Dan Oh is adamant on writing her own story. It is this persistent need that pushes her and all the other characters to change the stage. She is the one who pushes Do Hwa to go to Ju Da, and the one who pushes Baek Kyung to find his real self too.

“I’m going to change it (the stage) until the end.”

Like Soo Hyang had said before, people’s version of happiness or fate is different for everyone. While Ju Da thinks she’ll be happier following the fate of her character, it is only Eun Dan Oh who is confident that a happy ending is one which she writes on her own. She believes that changing the stage i.e. taking the narrative of the story under her control, and rebelling from the writer is the most significant thing to do. While other characters eventually cave in to the author, it is Dan Oh who rises time and again to change the stage.

"I chose to like Haru and I choose to change the stage.”

One of her most powerful beliefs is the faith she has in the power of choice. It is what helps her overcome the fear of the previous novel, and of dying-- that, in the shadow the actions and feelings and motivations she has are the real ones, because she chooses to have them everyday. It also helps her deal with the consequences of her actions-- that they’re due to the choices she made, rather than the ones that were thrust upon her.

“They all have their stories, and the things that are precious to them, but they have no choice but to do whatever the writer wants.”

In the world of comics, everyone has their designated positions. There’s the male lead, the female lead, supporting roles, and extras. The time you get, the character depth you have all depends upon this hierarchy. Eun Dan Oh is the one who discards this completely, treating each person, not as their role, but as real people. “In Eun Dan Oh’s world, you (Haru) are the male lead.” Her wish of being more than an extra is not to be the main character in the author’s story, but to get more depth and justice to her personality and character.

“They are cliches, but we’re the only ones who know how cruel and sad this is. Because we’re just Dan Oh and Baek Kyung before our characters.The Dan Oh of ‘Secret’ wants to thank you, and the Dan Oh of ‘Trumpet Creeper’ forgives you.”

Eun Dan Oh, by viewing characters as people first, puts into motion the thought process that finally ends the cycle of pain and hatred among everyone. She forgives him for killing her, Jimichi Fairy forgives him for killing his lover, Baek Joon-Hyun lets go of Trumpet Creeper too. This lets the characters let themself develop into breathing beings, instead of just their roles, and break free from the author’s constraints.

My favourite of course, is her take on why they keep on repeating lines, which I’ve spoken about in the post about the Trumpet Creeper here.

Eun Dan Oh is one of the most incredible characters, for her determination, persistence, and her way of thinking. She emodies the butterfly, the smallest flutter of whose wings brings about the biggest typhoons.

[jazzistolkienfanfics]

Breathing - Aragorn x reader (modern!AU)

hi! could you do prompt #53 with a female reader and aragorn? thank you!

@elvish-sky​ oh joy, another sad aragorn fic (jk jk). i wanted to write this one as a modern!AU because of some research i was doing before school ended for science and ... i just thought of the concept and liked it, okay hush

53. “You said you were okay!”

Type: Imagine Pairing: Aragorn x reader (modern!AU) Summary: Y/N hasn’t been entirely honest with her boyfriend, Aragorn. Warnings: angst, sadness, death, Word Count: 1,704 words

Y/N laughed loudly as the black Newfoundland puppy chased its fluffy tail, the dark fur sticking up as though it had been struck by lightning. 

Aragorn grinned at her, taking yet another long moment to watch her - to savour everything about his beautiful girlfriend. Just like every time she giggled, he wanted the seconds to last forever. He wanted every day he got to be with Y/N to last forever, because one day, they would be unable to make new memories. 

One day sooner than he would like. 

He tugged the sleeves of his RSPCA volunteer jacket down as he sat by her side, whistling for the dog to come and sit by his side. It obliged, just as all the animals in the shelter, or anywhere, always did.

Animal whisperer, Y/N would tease him. Like Doctor Dolittle!

Aragorn looked to her again, the smile still on Y/N’s face. Flushed s/c cheeks. Hooded e/c eyes with heavy bags under them, yet she still looked beauty. H/l messy h/c hair, kept out of her face by a f/c ribbon.

Then, the things people tended to stare at. The bag by her side, much like the wheeled kind some people used to shop. The nose cannula hooked behind her ears, a long tube carrying oxygen from the bag. A surgery scar protruding from her f/c shirt’s neckline. 

Those things didn’t bother him. He loved her. 

“Are you okay?”

Aragorn blinked at Y/N’s question. Normally he was the one asking her that question, or supposed to be. “I-I’m perfect.”

She smiled again. “That’s good.”

He stood, pulling her to her feet as well. “Come on. My shift’s up.”

Y/N jokingly pouted. “But the puppies!”

This time, it was Aragorn who laughed. “We’ll come back next week, I promise.”

“Next week,” she echoed, a sadness in her voice that her boyfriend didn’t detect.

---

Y/N coughed, making a face as the last of her pills went down her throat. She took dozens every day - it was part of her necessary, pre-determined hospital routine. 

Her nurse, Legolas, (A/N - stan male nurses) passed her some water, which she gladly swallowed, hacking again. 

“Good job,” he grinned. “Everything’s doing okay. Lung function is at 54 percent, a little lower than last week, but it will get higher again.”

She’d definitely expected that, though her heart still sunk.

“I’ll let your boyfriend in now.” Legolas laughed at the annoyed look on his charge’s face. The sound faded as he took on a more serious tone. “But, you remember that it could get even worse anytime, especially-”

“I know,” Y/N interrupted, her voice scratched and broken. “I know.”

“Be careful,” the nurse reminded her again, as he left the room, Aragorn passing through the door before it could even swing shut. 

“Going alright?”

Y/N grimaced. “As well as can be expected. I hate my lungs.”

He took her hand, squeezing it tightly, like he would never, could never, let go. “I know you’re strong, Y/N/N. You can’t let CF beat you.”

Ah, yes. There it was - the casual reminder Y/N couldn’t go a day without hearing. Stressing how she was holding her life in an hourglass, which was rapidly running out of time.

Cystic Fibrosis. An often terminal lung condition, meaning Y/N’s lungs functioned at low percentages, causing difficulty in her breathing and weakened immune system. She was often lucky to spend more than a month out of the hospital, thought that hadn’t been the case recently.

She’d been continually relapsing, her lung function decreasing with every checkup. 

To put it simply, it sucked. Royally. 

“Here,” Aragorn offered her her nose cannula. “Hook up, and I’ll distract you.”

Y/N slipped it on, taking his hand and dragging her portable oxygen in The Granny Shopping Bag™️ with the other. smiling.

Well, at least, her mask was smiling. Inside, she didn’t know if she had the energy or will to anymore.

---

Y/N knew it was a risk, and she was exactly aware of the million and one ways this could go wrong. 

But she didn’t care. She was going to live whilst she still could. She was done with giving up her life, letting down her boyfriend, because of some stupid mucus. 

Besides, he didn’t know. He didn’t know it all, and she wasn’t going to stop them from being unable to make happy memories together by burdening him with more bad news. Being the protective guy he was, Aragorn probably wouldn’t even let her leave the hospital if her found out.

“Ready?” said-boyfriend-in-question asked.

“Hell yeah,” Y/N grinned, straightening the edges of her denim jacket. 

They stood at the archway entrance to the Rivendell National Park - a beautiful wonderland of pale trees and swirling leaves, in the deep of autumn.

Technically, Y/N wasn’t meant to engage in ‘prolonged physical activity’. But technically, she wasn’t even meant to be alive right now.

No one, least of all her, knew how much time she had left. Y/N wasn’t one to waste it. 

Together, she and Aragorn stepped through the archway, and explored the ‘whole new realm’.

---

After ten minutes, her lungs were burning, but she didn’t say anything.

Aragorn was looking so happy - a goofy smily affixed upon his face, his dark eyes lighting up as he swished his head from side to side to admire everything with childish wonder. 

The National Park was beautiful, but the air was thin, and Y/N was struggling not to audibly struggle. She hated being dependent on people, and she would. Not. Worry. Him.

Something felt different this time - her breathing was quickening even though she was walking extraordinarily slowly, and she was in more pain than she should’ve been

Y/N signalled for Aragorn to stop, doubling over and coughing until her throat was raw. She couldn’t breathe whilst the mucus was crawling up her airways, and she’d rather clear it than suffer.

“Get it out, Y/N,” Aragorn encouraged her as she straightened, worry sketched all over his face. 

Her coughing was done, and she went to take a nice big inhale, but ....

She.

Still.

Couldn’t.

Breathe.

Breathing should’ve been something natural, easy, if she had been just a normal young woman with her normal boyfriend. 

She wished that lying didn’t come to her easier than breathing.

Y/N collapsed, choking, almost about to pass out as Aragorn immediately fell to her side, pulling his phone from his pocket and dialling an emergency number.

“Oh my God,” he gasped, his breaths coming shortly as well as he scooped her up into his arms. “Oh, God. Y-You’re going to be okay, Y/N.”

Funny how good they’d both become at lying.

With that thought, Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut, without the energy to keep themselves open.

“Y/N!”

---

Aragorn sat in the waiting room with a feeling like acid being poured down his throat and then regurgitated. 

She shouldn’t have collapsed like that - it was highly medically improbable given what he knew about Y/N and her Cystic Fibrosis. Unless ... there was something he didn’t know.

He shook his head as soon as that thought came to him. He trusted Y/N. She trusted him. He had to have faith in her.

The sound of footsteps encouraged him to look sideways, where he saw Y/N’s nurse, Legolas, with four cups of coffee in his arms.

“Expecting someone else?” Aragorn laughed as he was handed one of the cups.

“Oh, no,” Legolas replied, with an unbelievably straight face. “I intend to drink all the coffee.”

“How is Y/N?” 

The nurse winced. “I will be honest with you - she isn’t going so well right now. The fact that she was still walking with you ... that’s pretty amazing given her lung function and diagnosis.”

“What do you mean?” Aragorn furrowed his eyebrows. “She-she’s fine, isn’t she?”

Legolas stared. “Y/N didn’t tell you, did she? Oh, that stubborn little-”

“Tell me what?”

He averted Aragorn’s eyes. “Tell you that she was diagnosed with Burkholderia Cepacia and she was given another six months to live with her current lung function.”

“What?” All the air rushed out of his lungs, and suddenly, he knew how Y/N felt when it was hard for her to breathe. “H-How long has it been?”

Again, the blond looked awkwardly to the floor.

“How long?!” It was a shout this time, and Aragorn could feel himself on the brink of tears. His beautiful girlfriend, lost to the void ... he could not cope with it.

“Seven months.”

He fell back in his chair, coffee discarded, his shaking hands covering his face as his cheeks dripped with tears. This couldn’t be happening. This could not be happening.

A doctor rushed out from the ER, making a beeline for Legolas. Her nametag read ‘Tauriel’, her long red hair flying behind her as she ran towards them.

Her face was sober.

“He-he should come. Now.” She motioned towards Aragorn who stood immediately.

“Is Y/N alright?”

Dr. Tauriel did not answer his question, just motioning for him to follow her. 

---

Y/N wasn’t moving. For such a joyful young woman, she was lying unbelievably still. 

There was a crowd of doctors around her, but they all moved back at the sight of Aragorn.

“I’m sorry.” 

He didn’t know who said it ... all he could think about was how much paler Y/N looked than her normal s/c. 

“She-she’s just a-asleep, r-right?” Aragorn stuttered on the words as more tears fell down his face. “Y/N’s o-okay?”

Dr. Tauriel shook her head. “I’m so sorry. We-we couldn’t do anything.”

“You said you were okay!” Aragorn cried, talking to Y/N even though she couldn’t hear him - would never hear him again. Jut like he would never hear her. “You told me you were okay ...”

“Get him out of here,” someone said quietly, and Aragorn was pulled to the door.

He threw one final look over his shoulder. 

Y/N’s hair was spread out over the pillow. Her hands had been folded over her chest. She still had her nose cannula in, but that had never made her less beautiful.

Even in death, she still looked like an angel.

She was still the most beautiful person Aragorn had ever known.

A/N - guys this is my new favourite fic so please spread it! @elvish-sky​ thank you so much for this request, and everyone, thank you for reading!

[anotheronechicagobog]

Functional Dysfunction - Rheese - Chapter 1

written by @anotheronechicagobog​

A/N: This is a new series I’ve been trying to work on and I’m so happy that I’m finally done the first chapter! It’s IMPORTANT to note that this the fic I took a survey for a while back so; Sarah Reese has a double specialty of ED and Neuro. Also, it’s a bit AU so be prepared for that. 

Warnings: swearing, vomit, unplanned pregnancy, talk of abortion

The waiting room was a decent size, but she still felt small. Surrounded by medical diagrams and leather couches, and pregnant women, and pregnant women with children. She felt completely out of depth and she was finding it hard to breathe. Her tunnel vision was only broken when the nurse called her name. The older woman smiled at her obvious nerves and Sarah was instantly relieved, not because of the woman’s assuring demeanour, but because she knew that if she had gone to a doctor at MED instead of Planned Parenthood, she would have instead been met with shock, judgement, and awaiting a comment from Doris.

“Dr. Singh will be with you in a few minutes.”

“Thank you.”

So Sarah laid back on the examination table in the flimsy blue paper gown with her unmentionables in the breeze, because of course, Sarah found herself in a situation where she’d need a transvaginal ultrasound instead of a pap smear. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, trying to calm herself down.

“Ms. Reese?”

“Hi.”

“Hello, I’m Dr. Singh. You believe you’re pregnant?”

“Yes, I took two home tests, I’ve been nauseous but only between two and four in the afternoon and one and four in the morning, I missed my period, I’ve been fatigued, and my breasts have been sore. And it’s... Uh, it’s Dr. Reese, actually.”

“Okay, then. Are you in your residency?”

“Halfway through my second year.”

“So you know how this works then.”

“Yes.”

“Did you bring any support? We have counsellors and resources you can use. Your mental and emotional wellbeing is just as important as your physical health.”

“I’m fine. I just want to get the pregnancy confirmed and then book an abortion. I’m in my second year of residency, the father was a one night stand, and my main source of income comes from my mother who would not approve of me having a baby out of wedlock.”

“I completely understand. Med school was hard enough for me without pregnancy and then a baby. We’re still going to have a counsellor talk to you about it beforehand, make sure that you’re making the decision for you and not for anyone else.”

“Alright, I guess.”

“Well, let’s get started, shall we?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah was right, she was pregnant. She wasn’t surprised and it didn’t change how she felt. So when she walked into her next shift she didn’t expect a concerned Maggie to approach her. “Hey Sarah, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Maggie, why? Did something happen that I don’t know about?”

“You’re pale, you haven’t been eating much lately, and you’ve been more tired lately. What’s going on Reese, are you sick? You can talk to Goodwin and she’ll give you time off.”

“I’m grateful that you’re worried about me Maggie, but I’m not sick or anything, I promise. It’s just stress.” Sarah tried and failed to tell herself that she wasn’t technically lying, but pushed that thought to the back of her mind and took in Maggie’s disbelieving demeanour.

“If you’re sure...”

“I am.” Maggie gave her a look that clearly said ‘I don’t think you’re telling the truth but your lie is plausible so I’m letting it go for now’ as she exited the doctor’s lounge, leaving Sarah alone. She took a deep breath as she put her stuff in her locker before grabbing a clean pair of scrubs. After she’d changed into them she looked into the full mirror of the dressing room, staring herself down. She willed against herself not to do it and lost. She turned to the side and placed her hands over her abdomen. She knew that the fetus inside of her was tiny, the size of a sesame seed, but... She didn’t know what she was doing, truthfully. So she shook her head and squared her shoulders before tying her hair back and walking up to the nurses’ station. “What have you got for me, Maggie?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Andrew Pierson was seventeen and optimistic, something that both she and Rhodes admired. It made their daily rounds and checkups much easier. On most days they both went at the same time so that both departments were able to get first-hand results and to prevent miscommunication. The only problem was that they were always at 3:30 pm, smack dab in the one-hour afternoon window of Sarah’s ‘morning’ sickness. She did her best to quell it in advance; ginger tea, fresh air, mindful of what she’d had for lunch, and she was always drinking water. Sometimes though, like today, morning sickness couldn’t be quelled or repressed. She and Rhodes were discussing Andrew’s latest brain scan and what his injury meant for a valve replacement, when it reared its ugly head like never before. The bile was rising up her throat, fast and hot. She stopped talking in the middle of her sentence, drawing attention from her colleague and her patient. She didn’t register dropping her tablet. She darted into the adjoining bathroom and emptied the little liquid she had in her stomach. Even after it was all out she had to sit there dry-heaving. The burning discomfort in her throat didn’t bother her like it used to, and the painful twisting in her stomach annoyed her more than anything else at this point. When the hellish nausea finally passed she was able to register that she wasn’t alone. Rhodes stood behind her, holding her hair back for her. She turned to look at him and he clearly felt unbelievably awkward, like her, but she did see worry clearly on display behind his eyes. “What’s going on, Reese? You’ve been sick all week.” She hastily got on her feet, only for Rhodes to have to steady her when her balance wavered and mind spun from doing it too fast. After she was okay enough that Rhodes could let go, she warily made her way to the sink to rinse her mouth, only to find that there was some vomit on the edges of her lips and chin, only furthering her embarrassment as Rhodes tried to make eye contact in the mirror.

“It’s nothing-”

“Okay, stop. This is not nothing, you don’t think I’ve noticed how pale and nauseous you get every day? I may have my head wrapped around for too much but I’m not an idiot. Not to mention, you literally just dropped our patient’s brain scans to vomit. You are not fine, actually, you know what? Let’s just go down to the ED, get you checked out-”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Reese, these are continual symptoms, they could be the sign of-”

“I’m pregnant.”

“... Oh.” Sarah bit out harshly, turned the water off, and left the bathroom, leaving Rhodes standing by the toilet, as she blinked back tears. The look in his eyes, the acknowledgement, the pity. She picked up her, thankfully undamaged tablet, as a demure Dr. Rhodes came to stand beside her again. “I’m very sorry Mr. Pierson, I think I ate some bad sushi yesterday. Let’s just finish our appointment and then we can get you started on your new preparation plan so that you’re ready for surgery, okay?”

“Sounds good, and I hope you feel better soon, doc.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Rhodes had spent the remainder of Andrew’s appointment standing beside her clearly shocked and somewhat muted. When they both left though, he steered her into the closest conference room he could find. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I am, now if you’ll excuse me I have other patients that need my care-”

“What about you? Who’s caring for you? You’ve been really sick, and although pregnancy explains it, it doesn’t change the fact that you have concerning symptoms or that Maggie is one bathroom trip away from admitting you into the hospital herself. Because I haven’t heard anything about you in any of the gossip I’m going to assume that you haven’t told many, if any at all, people here. So is there anyone who knows? Anyone who can help you out? And what about the father? I mean you’re pregnant, you’re going to have a baby. Have you spoken to Goodwin yet? She’ll work with everyone to make sure that you’ve got everything you need-”

“Okay, stop! No one knows and I want to keep it that way. I’m not... I’m getting an abortion. And I just...” Sarah took a deep breath as she blinked her tears away. Not now, not at work, not in front of Dr. Rhodes.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay.” He stood there awkwardly, his arms hovering around her form, unsure of whether he should embrace her or not. Sarah shrugged his hand away and took a few controlled breaths. “I won’t tell anyone, but, does anybody know? And I don’t mean from work, I mean in general, do you have someone to talk to about this? Or take you to and from the procedure?”

“No but it’s fine, I’ll just call a cab after.”

“What if something goes wrong during the procedure, who are they going to call? You have to list an emergency contact.”

“I’ll be fine, everything will be fine.” Sarah took a steadying breath as she tried to quell her morning sickness, again, and stop her body from shaking. “Are you trying to reassure me? Or yourself?” Sarah honestly didn’t have an answer for that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah cursed herself constantly over the fifteen-minute drive it took to get to Molly’s. Not only did she reveal a pretty damning secret to one of the hospital’s top surgeons, but she hadn’t been able to get out of going to the bar with the rest of the ED staff. And since Molly’s was a firefighter bar, owned by a few members of the 51st firehouse, the father of her child was most likely going to be there. She sat in her car, trying not to let the dread fill her as she stared at the ornate door of what was now her least favourite bar, not that she enjoyed drinking enough to have a favourite. She took the seat next to Maggie and tried to join in on the laughter that was being shared amongst her colleagues. But she couldn’t, she felt hot and cold all over, her breathing was tense, her chest was constricted, and her smile didn’t quite meet her eyes. The fact that Jimmy Borrelli, the father of the unborn child inside of her that he didn’t even know about, was staring at her with familiar lust-filled eyes, and that Connor Rhodes, currently the only person who knew about her pregnancy, just entered and looked at her with a mix of shock, horror, and concern, did absolutely nothing to help with her stress or her pregnancy symptoms. Rhodes made his way over to the table with a guarded look on his face. “Hey guys, how about I get the next round?”

“You’re not new anymore Rhodes, we know you’re not a complete stuck up ass, you don’t have to keep trying to bribe us.”

“Thanks for your words of kindness, Halstead, but this isn’t bribery, this is me offering beer.”

“... Fair enough, man. I think we’re all up for it.”

“Great, hey Reese, would you mind helping me carry it all over?” The meaningful look Rhodes sent made it clear he was using this as an excuse to talk to her away from their co-workers. “Sure.” She tried to sound chipper as she hopped out of her seat, but her voice was tired and it cracked partway through the word. Rhodes visibly frowned and Sarah could feel the concerned stares from her co-workers. They walked to the counter and nodded at Hermann, ready to wait until he was available. “I know that you’re... ‘Cancelling your subscription’,” he spoke lowly, mindful of all the ears around them and how fast gossip flourished among the groups present, “but you still, you know, have it. Should you be drinking?”

“I’m not. I’ve missed too many get-togethers and because of my, uh ‘binge-watching’. People, Maggie in particular are getting suspicious. And honestly, even though I’m ‘cancelling my subscription’, I can’t bring myself to do anything to harm... You know. I, uh, I don’t even drink, really.”

“Yeah, I know. Is there anything else I can get you, then?” Sarah shook her head even though her stomach had turned on her and was eating itself. The bodily organ betrayed her, making an audible growl that could be heard above the music bursting out of the speaker directly above them and the loud mixture of conversations that made nearly everything inaudible. He raised his eyebrow as she scolded herself internally and tried to ignore the warmth creeping up to her cheeks at his bemused expression. “You sure about that? How about some food? I hear that Mills has taken up working the kitchen here, the food should be good.”

“The food is great! And I’m not just saying that because I own that place.” Sarah jumped at Hermann’s voice, not knowing he’d gotten back to them.

“Would you mind showing me a menu then, Hermann? I won’t turn down free food.” Sarah nodded her head at the man standing next to her with a slight smile on her face, feeling better than she had all day if she was being honest. “Oh, is the good doctor buying again?”

“Yes I am, which reminds me, three pitchers of Coors please, and-”

“Spaghetti and meatballs.”

“And spaghetti and meatballs, please.”

“You got it. Here’s your beer, glasses for everyone, and your food’ll be brought over to you when it’s done.”

“Great.”

“And Reese?”

“Yeah?”

“Give us a good review, will ya? We could use all the help we can get to gain some traction for the kitchen.”

“You got it.”

Sarah eyed the tower of glasses she had in her right hand, concentrating far more than necessary if she was being honest, to make sure that she didn’t drop them. When Sarah set the glasses and full pitcher down she took the opportunity to look around the tables at her colleagues. Everyone had gone back to their conversations, and weren’t regarding her with caution, except for Maggie and Manning. They shared a look with each other, then her. “I’m fine, promise.” They shared another look with each other before discreetly taking her hands into theirs. “We don’t believe you.”

[frasier-crane-style]

Terminator: Dark Fate

I have no idea how TSCC came up with two seasons’ worth of innovative scenarios about Terminators and these cinematic universe motherfuckers can only redo T2 with more CGI.

This movie is plotless. It has no real plot. It’s like Now That’s What I Call A Terminator Movie! There are so many callbacks and borrowings from all the other Terminator movies that it passes the point of homage and just becomes plagiarism. The bad Terminator is the same as the T-X, metal endoskeleton with a T-1000 shell. They kill him with a Terminator power core. They say Come With Me If You Want To Live and I’ll Be Back (twice! It’s the first thing Sarah Connor says and it makes no sense in context, it’s just something people say in Terminator movies). In fact, it has anti-plot, since it undoes a lot of the story developments in Terminator and T2.

The premise is basically just we’re going to remake Terminator 1, but people don’t like reboots, so we’re going to bring back Linda Hamilton and make it a technically kinda sorta sequel (sure, Skynet was wiped from existence, but another, completely different, yet exactly the same AI called Legion was created and did the exact same thing. Which also happened in T3, but they had the decency to still call it Skynet). But otherwise, it’s entirely people being chased by an evil robot from the future and trying to destroy it. 

That’s it. That’s all there is to it. T2 had the whole thing about preventing Judgment Day before it happened. T3 had Judgment Day actually happen. This one, nothing. There is nothing going on under the surface other than a bunch of action sequences and explosions. Even T3 got some mileage out of the idea that Judgment Day was inevitable. Here, our cast learns that Judgment Day was already ‘averted’ once slash that it’s destined to be repeated and they basically go “Eh. Figures.” I’m not kidding.

Wait, that’s not fair. Let’s count out the TWEEESTS.

1. In a very contrived way, the script waits an hour and a half to actually explain why heroine Dani has been targeted for termination--you know, the thing Kyle Reese explained to Sarah Connor the moment they were out of danger--all to set up this big ‘reveal’ that Dani isn’t the NuSarah, she’s the NuJohn (yes, they actually say this aloud, just so you soup sandwich motherfuckers in the audience get it). Hear that, neckbeards, John Connor is now a woman! And Mexican! And she’s got a bit of a gay vibe, because it’s 2019 and God forbid we have a heroine that isn’t a bit bicurious. If she has a cock and balls, my bingo card will be a winner.

2. Months after killing John Connor and thus completing his mission, an Arnold-model Terminator started a family (wow, that was quick) and learned the value of human life and eventually switched sides. This is a crazy new idea that also happened in Terminator: Genebissss, so it’s done and dusted in ten minutes, even though Arnold is the most engaging character. (He’s saddled with a lot of yuk lines about how he’s a comically serious Terminator, yet (teehee) works as an interior decorator, but at least he has a personality.)

3. The other good Terminator is Grace, who needs meds to keep up her cyborg strength or she’ll crash (this never affects the plot) (it’s like they read something about Rey Palpatine having no flaws and so they decided to give Grace the ‘flaw’ of literally having her own Kryptonite). She’s not a Terminator, she’s an augmented human, which means she can make MCU-style wisecracks every five minutes. (”I didn’t hear anything.” “That’s because you’re not a cybernetic super soldier from the future.” Actual dialogue.)

4. Linda Hamilton is back, baby! Yes, that’s right, they dragged her away from doing guest spots on Lost Girl! Can you believe???? She’s become a Terminator hunter that ambushes Terminators as they come back from the future and destroys them, because Skynet was both able to send back an infinite number of Terminators AND because now they can easily be destroyed by one five-hundred-year-old woman. 

This makes it a bit confusing why they have so much trouble taking out Ghost Rider, given that he’s a T-1000 skin with a creamy T-800 center. It seems like if you hammer him enough, he’s got no endoskeleton, and that’s all she wrote. That’s what happened to the T-X. Can his liquid metal skin just walk around without the other half of him? If so, what’s the point of the endoskeleton? The T-1000 managed without it and that seemed a lot harder to kill. At one point, Sarah hits the bare endoskeleton with a bazooka, which seems like it should’ve been a mortal blow, but it’s the first act, so I guess not.

And is it supposed to be funny that the opening takes place in a car factory where (in 2019!) the human workers are losing their assembly line jobs to machines? Because they’re all Mexicans? None of them ever look at a Terminator and go THEY TOOK OUR JOBS, but man, that one is all teed up for the Rifftrax boys.

For a movie with, as I said, no plot, it’s very rushed. They seem to be saying “yeah, it’s a dumb Terminator movie, you know the score,” (even tho it’s halfway aimed at people who aren’t Terminator fans; more on that in a minute) because it seems to take all of ten minutes for both good guys and bad guys to find Dani and start getting into CGI stunt double fights, which means the story has very little time to breathe and we have very little time to get to know any of the characters. The bad guy spawns practically at Dani’s front door! And pretty much does everything by massacring a bunch of people and then hacking a computer. The T-1000 had some intelligence, some charisma. This guy’s a big nothing.

And the Dani character is useless. She starts the story already super assertive, is barely traumatized at all by her loved ones being killed and her own life being endangered. There’s none of that relatable feel of an everyman suddenly being told they have a grand destiny and an incredible responsibility, because right from the start she’s standing up to her mean boss and doing the Nevertheless She Persisted thing. And all this while being literally five feet tall and looking all of twelve years old. 

I love these Spy Kids movies.

And at least the original two movies were smart enough to leave the future John Connor mostly to the imagination. This one actually shows us Dani as grizzled military badass, beating up guys and delivering inspiring speeches (would it surprise you to know that humans fighting among each other “is exactly what Legion wants”?), and it’s just--oh man. If ever a political leader is enough to make people think back to the good old days of Trump and Biden...

And if we’re going to talk shit (rightfully) about Jai Courtney’s Kyle Reese not being at all scruffy or traumatized or feral, it should be noted that Grace seems pretty well-adjusted for a post-apocalyptic guerrilla fighter (who all wear Starship Trooper uniforms). Aside from a tendency to smash the face in of everyone she comes across, whether they’ve done anything to deserve it or not (Sample dialogue, to a doctor who is looking at her X-rays after performing life-saving surgery on her: “Did I give you permission to look at my private parts?” SMASH. No, really!)

They really go all in on this cringey, woke af “You’re not the mother of some MAN, Dani. YOU ARE THE FUTURE!” And yet, there’s a hilarious amount of toxic masculinity in this movie, just without the dongs. About every other line Sarah and Grace have is generic tough guy bullshit about how they’re going to kick someone’s ass, how they’re suspicious of someone, how they’re hostile towards someone. If they had dongs, you would think they were the smallest dongs possible, because they are compensating for something, BIG TIME. Between the T-800 and Sarah and Grace, everyone in this movie seems to outright hate each other, to the point that Arnold’s killer cyborg is one of the more pleasant characters. It gets to where you just want someone to order a fucking decaf. Does the fact that Sarah Connor has a vagina keep it from being ridiculously over the top how she spends all her time either blowing up robots or drinking herself into a stupor? C’mon. You can’t complain about male characters having ‘man-pain’ then give Bad Grandma a pass over her ovaries.

And that’s it. It’s a Brundlefly shit between yet another dumb girlpower reboot for the people who’ve never seen a Terminator movie and a sequel with Sarah and Uncle Bob to try and get that last drop of blood outta this stone. They’re trying to make something that appeals to both people for whom this is their first Terminator and people for whom this is their latest Terminator and it just doesn’t work. The newbies don’t have any emotional investment in these characters and the Terminator fans don’t like it that all the old movies were rendered meaningless to prop up Grace and Dani.

Hilariously enough, I actually played Terminator: Resistance recently, which is a fun little mid-tier shooter that was meant to tie in to this movie... and it completely ignores all the Dani/Grace/Legion BS to take place in John Connor’s future war and tie in to the first two movies. That’s how forgettable this movie is. Its own damn video game adaptation pretends it doesn’t exist. Fuuuck.

Oh! Oh! Oh! And in that big, bad, sexist original Terminator, which was so unwoke and problematic, Sarah saved herself and finished off the Terminator herself. Here, Dani has to be saved by Arnold at the climax. The 35-year-old movie is more feminist than this one. Fuck you very much.

[braveskyered]

Dames Special - Valentine’s

It is highly recommended that you read Knights before reading this, otherwise you may miss some context.

SPOILER WARNING!

This reveals heavy spoilers for Knights, if you have not read Knights up to Part 18 and onward, please turn away now. Otherwise, read at your own risk.

SPOILER WARNING!

-

“Ah… I’m sorry, Elaine. I know this isn’t the best, since I couldn’t get a reservation at the Adagio in time, but—"

Elaine held a finger over Arthur’s lips with a fond smile, “It’s perfect, my star.”

Seeing Arthur’s face turn red will be a sight Elaine will never get tired of seeing. Sure, maybe it is cheesy to decorate the kitchen table with a big red cloth and gold trim with a fancy vase full of red, white, and pink roses in the center, complete with takeout from an Italian restaurant, but it’s still wonderful all the same.

“Our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple. I wouldn’t have this any other way. Now…” Elaine said as she pulled out a chair for Arthur, “Shall we?”

“Shouldn’t it be the man doing that for the lady?” Arthur asked in amusement as he sat down.

“Oh, hush. You know I never follow tradition.”

Once Elaine sat down in her own chair, the two started to eat. The food didn’t look the best, but it’s still delicious and she made sure to savor the taste for as long as she could. It didn’t matter to her where their meal took place, but the fact that she could enjoy it with her husband is all she wanted for this special day.

The sound of something metallic clattering against something hard reached her ears, causing her to look up to Arthur before glancing at the floor. Did Arthur drop his fork?

“Is everything all right, my star?”

“Y-Yeah,” Arthur nodded before standing up and kneeling down beneath the table, “Sorry. Butterfingers. I’ll get another fork.”

As Arthur went to the kitchen sink, Elaine left herself in deep thought. She wondered if Arthur had any past Valentines, or how he celebrated it back in his old hometown. She did recall Arthur saying that he had never loved anyone before he met her, but there was something about his tone in the few times he would talk about his past in Tempo. A longing, perhaps?

Well, it shouldn’t matter. He’s here with her now, and she will see to it that he will have the happiness he deserves. When Arthur came back to the table, they resumed eating their meal.

- - - - - - -

No matter what happens, no matter how much one wishes for it to be, time marches on. He isn’t sure how these bills are going to be paid off in time, or how he will be able to work as a chef again. His wife is able to somewhat manage, but he knew it’s only a matter of time until she can’t anymore.

His right arm ached, which made things worse, for he had lost it just two years ago.

…

“Joe, you need to eat.”

“I’m not hungry, Lokia.”

“Was everything okay at the restaurant?”

“We had a dinner rush for Valentine’s Day,” his wife said as she set tray of food down on the table next to the paperwork, “So we should be able to meet our sales goal.”

Joe sighed in relief. Some profit is finally coming in, which means being able to pay some of their bills and their few remaining employees. Their medical bills, however…

He isn’t sure who has it worse, him for the loss of his right arm, or his wife getting burns that has scarred her for life. The fact that they’ve both been injured at the same time made things more difficult. Joe had managed to finish his physical therapy and has gotten used to living with just one arm (his non-dominant arm, no less), but Lokia will eventually need to get more surgeries so she can regain some more movement in her hands and neck. It’s a miracle that Lokia can still work as a chef at all, even if it’s not at the pace she used to do.

Technically, Joe could’ve used the prosthetic that was given to him, but…

The arm, made from the blueprints that Arthur had left behind and mirrored by Lance, did do its job of giving Joe some degree of normalcy, but the general appearance of the prosthetic itself, and the fact that it would become too painful to wear after a while… Joe wondered if Arthur designed for the arm to be painful on purpose, to remind him of the time where everything went wrong. Or maybe it was unintended to be like that but didn’t bother to fix it until finding out what happened to Lewis, and then deliberately choosing not to do so as a way of self-punishment.

It sickened Joe to think that the last one is probably true. Either way, he couldn’t bring himself to wear it for too long despite Lokia’s occasional insistence. Lance had never even offered to build the arm in the first place. He just did it without anyone asking.

“Here,” Lance said gruffly as he slammed a long yet somewhat thin box on the table, “I did the best I could, but I know it’s not perfect.”

When pressed for details, the mechanic gave Joe and his family a glare of disgust.

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I only did this because I know my boy would’ve done the same thing for you if you hadn’t forced him out of here. Whether or not you use it is up to you.”

Ever since that day, Lance refused to interact with the Pepper family outside of repairing their cars or the arm, and even then, he would just have any of his employees to do the talking. A part of him wondered if anyone at Kingsmen Mechanics would do a shoddy repair job on their cars on purpose, but after Lokia once accused Lance of doing such a thing, the mechanic all but told them to take their business elsewhere.

“Unlike you, I’m not petty enough to want someone dead. I prefer my customers being safe on the road. If any of my employees do anything outside of proper repair, they’re either written up or fired. I’m still replacing the brake pads on your van whether you like it or not, because it wouldn’t be good on our conscience if your daughters were to get hurt in an accident. But if you don’t want us to do anything, then all you have to do is say so.”

The words… hurt more than the Peppers care to admit.

“Joe?” He looked up upon seeing his wife right next to him, the smell of the food becoming too much to ignore, “Please. You need to eat. I cut the meat into bite-sized pieces.”

He let out a breath before pushing the papers he was looking over aside, giving Lokia the room she needed to push the dinner tray in front of him.

“I managed to get the last of the spray paint off our door, by the way,” Lokia said out of the blue, “I should be able to finish replacing the damaged parts of the gate by tomorrow.”

Joe hummed as he watched his wife leave. He really didn’t want to think about the vandalism that had been going on with both the Pepper Paradiso and the family home. If there’s one thing that parents should never go through, it’s outliving any of their children. They just managed to lay their son’s body to rest just two years after it had been found.

That should’ve been the end of it, yet…

“It’s all your fault!”

“I lost my family because of you!”

“Rotten Peppers with awful taste!”

The words that the townspeople had left for them, whether it’s yelled at them, painted, or worse, etched onto their property, left them plenty of reminders of their foolish mistake.

And it all happened because they blamed the wrong person for the loss of their son.

They were told that a demon had taken control of Arthur and used him to shove their son Lewis to his death, but they couldn’t help but think that Arthur was still at fault in a way. He should’ve resisted, fought back, but instead just… stood by while their son was killed. They knew it was irrational, but it was all they could do to cope with their grief. They didn’t know what to think of the ghost that their son had become and knowing that the ghost also held resentment for Arthur in the few times they’ve spoken to him (…it?) only fuel their own.

In the few times Arthur dared to interact with them, whether it was to pick up food Vivi ordered or the few times to see if anything needed fixing, Joe and Lokia made it clear that Arthur wasn’t welcome, lashing out whenever he showed up by himself. His daughters were too young to know what exactly happened to Lewis, but Belle and Cayenne learned to hate Arthur, too, while Paprika remained in her own little world wondering why her big brother isn’t home.

The young mechanic got the hint, and for a few months did he not appear before them.

Things finally came to a head when Arthur showed up suddenly on Paprika’s birthday, holding out a large paper bag bearing the Pepper Paradiso logo to them. When demanded on why Arthur came back, the mechanic said it was to fulfill a request Lewis had asked of him.

Arthur should’ve been the one that died instead of our son!

The slap that Lokia gave Arthur, the rock that Belle had thrown and hit the back of his head, the anger and humiliated sadness Joe felt as he stomped on the box, not caring what was inside of it upon hearing Paprika’s cries when Arthur tried presenting it to her. It was good riddance when Lokia literally threw Arthur out of their home before tossing out what the latter had brought without even looking at it.

Regret and shame would come back at them tenfold starting the very next day.

After coming home from school, Belle had found the tossed-out box at their front door with a note saying that it looks like it was thrown out by mistake, as it was a package in Lewis’s name.

“I got the Christmas present for Paprika,” Lewis told his parents when he was alive, “Arthur’s holding on to it for me.”

Arthur was in the hospital during the holidays. He may have even forgotten about it after all the trauma of losing an arm and friend had put him through. He had to have found it later and tried to make things right.

The shame the family felt didn’t stop ever since. They thought to apologize, but how could they face Arthur after what they did?

The hell that came after them less than a week later was even worse, and everyone in the town became tormented with nightmares. Eventually, the survivors of those lost to the nightmares started to lash out.

And it was all because of the Peppers wanting an innocent man gone and out of their lives.

- - - - - - -

“This has been a lovely dinner. Thank you, Arthur.”

“I’m glad it suited to your tastes.”

Elaine looked down at one of the side dishes on Arthur’s side of the table, “Oh, you didn’t like this?”

Arthur looked down at the small bowl still full of soup before shaking his head and smiled at her, “Not really, but if you want it, you’re more than welcome to it.”

For a moment, Elaine thought she saw a look of sadness in his eyes, but upon hearing him speak, she disregarded the thought and thanked him.

Arthur then proceeded to clean up the table while Elaine took the bowl and a spoon to finish the soup the former didn’t eat.

The zuppa toscana has just the right amount of spiciness. Elaine wondered if there’s a way Nana Niniane could get the recipe so the rest of their family could enjoy it.

But that’s for another day.

[bangchanshehe]

The Trespasser pt.4

You were on top of the world with the new title of leader of your family’s clan. You were the strongest clan in all of the orient and you were proud. But your family feels that there are threats still lurking around making you a target. When they introduce you to a potential man for a business and marriage merger will it help your clan or make matters worse?

Word count: 3.7k

Wonho x Reader, Shownu x Reader, Jooheon x Reader

The past few days had flown by and you did lots of menial and dumb tasks to make time go by. Everyone around the house questioned you when they noticed you cleaning the house up or doing lots of overtime, thinking that something was bothering you. But like the holed up and skeptical person you typically are in these types of situations you smiled and replied with a total lie.

The truth was that you were technically okay regardless of how the entire “proposed marriage deal” went, but you just felt still so insecure about how a baiter for a very powerful family would want to get into a marriage at such a young age. Sure, if it had to do with the family business and Marriage for profits it would make sense. But baiters are notoriously known for being completely cut of from their emotions, which is why they can lie and sleep around with people the way that they do. They take but never give anything in return and it made you question Hoseok’s authenticity.

And although you were not looking for an emotional, and legitimate marriage of love you did want for your legal husband real or fake, to be loyal to you and your business and have honest intentions. You could care less if Hoseok was the leader of his family’s clan or not, you just wanted the mutual benefits of being partnered with a Shin.

You went over everything that you wanted to ask Hoseok as you got ready for your meeting at Icon. It was 8:30 and you looked over your figure in the mirror and smiled to yourself. You looked damn good, suited up in a solid black fitted pant suit, and jacket… minus the shirt underneath allowing for your black lace bra to be the focal point of your outfit. You put on your fire engine red lipstick and matching red heels and then strut out of your bathroom.

You felt your phone vibrate and you looked down at the screen

Shownu: Just arrived

You smiled at the text from Shownu and your body instantly relaxed a little bit. You had planned to have him there for a little bit more security, but asked him to blend in with the crowd, so you could talk to Hoseok without any uncertainty on his end.  You grabbed your keys waved bye to the boys and then stepped out into the night air, ready for what was next to come.

  The drive was only 20 minutes from your secluded house and you pulled into the parking lot of Icon in what seemed like no time. You put the car into park, scanned the parking lot to see if you could recognize any vehicles or people walking around and then picked up your phone to text Shownu.

Me: just arrived, about to go ins-

You dropped your phone, when a sudden knocking on your window startled you. You let out a huff and looked over with a glare to whoever caused you to be scared and then relaxed a little when you recognized Hoseok hunched over, looking inside at you with a wide smile.

You picked up your phone, took out the keys and stepped out of your vehicle giving Hoseok only a polite head bow and smile.

“Sorry to scare you” Hoseok said rubbing the back of his head and giving you a smile  “I pulled in at the same time as you and figured it’d be easier to go in at the same time instead of having to look for one another inside.”

“ah, no worries “ you gave in. what he said did make a little sense from a logical standpoint “shall we?” you asked him pointing with your hand towards the building

“yes, please” he said with a megawatt smile  

You walked silently for a moment and as you got closer to the front doors Hoseok cleared his throat and leaned in closer to your ear.

“By the way… you look really good tonight.” He confessed

You turned your head to look at him and then scanned his outfit. He looked really good in black trousers and a black button down shirt tucked into his pants with the top few buttons undone. He knew what he was doing trying to draw attention to his chest and then you laughed to yourself. You were doing the same thing weren’t you? Marketing yourself. His hair was parted nicely and styled back, and his skin looked flawless.

You would typically respond with a polite response back, but Hoseok knew that he was good looking and it was no use using flattery on him.

“thank you” you responded with a small smile before turning back to the doors and entering the loud and busy club, bypassing the people waiting outside to get inside.

As you entered you felt the pulsing of the bass of the music vibrate through your body, and the lights strobe and dance across the club in a hypnotizing manner. The smell of alcohol, cigarettes and sweat clouded your nose and countless bodies, swayed on the dance floor. You lead Hoseok towards the back of the club where there were private booths and took a seat in a corner booth were there were few people and privacy curtains.

As you sat down Hoseok smiled and reached for the curtains, making sure to close them tightly as to block out as much of the music as possible.  You watched his arms as he worked on the fabric, unfashioning it and pulling it to a close.

“Do you want to order anything?” Hoseok asked you

You gave him a small smile and shook your head no.

“I don’t drink in public.” You answered his question

Hoseok raised his eyebrows and nodded his head “good, neither do I, unless its important for a job” he responded. “so… what questions do you have for me?” he asked right off the bat

“lot of things, as I’m sure you could imagine….” You stared off “ first… my parents mentioned that you had seen me many times when I was a child, but I never met you? Why is that?”

Hoseok raised a single eyebrow and contemplated for a moment on how to respond before he gave you a very simple one. “I had a very busy schedule as a child”

“look… I don’t mean to be rude. But if I am even going to consider a contractual marriage with you then I need to know a little bit more about you.” You spoke up and Hoseok shifted in his seat and looked down at the table before looking up at you with a stern expression. “I know that you were in some sort of accident and had an injured back, but why would you even bother coming to see me if you had to leave for such a said busy schedule”

“okay that’s fair” he replied with a deep sigh “when I was 12 I was in a drunk driving accident. The driver hit our car and it caused us to flip and the car caught on fire. I had to have 2 spinal surgeries, jaw reconstruction, titanium plates in my arms and a knee surgery.”

You looked at him with wide eyes as you processed what he told you. You could not even begin to imagine the amount of pain that he had to be in.

“It took a long time to heal and for a long time I was completely wheelchair bound, because my spine and body wasn’t strong enough to support me. I had lots of physical therapy, and because of my condition I wasn’t able to tolerate lots of moving around from place to place or sitting in one spot for long.” He continued

“I’m sorry that happened. That had to be very difficult to get through at such a young age.” You spoke up “but I’m still curious as to why you would still come to events involving me”

Hoseok’s serious demeanor suddenly dropped a little and he let out a small smile and chuckle “actually I’ve been told from a very young age that you would be my wife. Our parents have been planning our marriage for a long time.” He confessed

Your jaw dropped a little and you sat back in your seat remembering your mother call Hoseok her “Son-in-Law”. Had it been anyone else you would have not been so convinced so easily, but you didn’t doubt it for a moment after the whole spectacle your parents put you through at their house.

As soon as you let that idea settle in your mind you decided to ask Hoseok more questions that had been weighing on your mind.

“so is it still true that you have no intentions of pursing the leader position of your family clan?” you asked him

“it’s true. After my accident I had a lot of time to think about my future and what I wanted to do, and I decided that I was lucky enough to get a chance at life so I wanted to do something that would allow me to have a little more time to enjoy my life and the finer things.” He answered

“so then what does this marriage do for you?” you asked him

“well…” he said and then cleared his voice and adjusted his posture “since im physically unable to be the leader, the marriage allows for the clan to stay in control of the shin family. It essentially puts me in the most control without having the title or workload of leader if anything happens to my brother.”

“your brother Is in control now?” you asked and you received a nod in return “and what exactly is your position now?”

“I handle some business deals and negotiations with my brother behind closed doors, but on an everyday basis I usually just bait.” He confessed

“and it doesn’t bother you that you cant take the position?” you asked him

He gave you a smile, but you could tell that he was straining his jaw. You could imagine how difficult it would be to constantly struggle with your position and health. And then to top it off he had to be here with you because he had no other choice, if he wanted anything to do with maintaining the family’s control.  

“of course it bothers me… I’ve been trained since young how to run the business and now all I can do is sit back and watch other people do what I was supposed to do. And don’t get me wrong my brother makes a great leader, but the way he executes some deals really gets on my nerves.”

“that’s understandable” you agreed “since this would be a contractual marriage, how would you expect our family to benefit your business and vice versa?” you asked him

“money and business isn’t an issue, the only thing we are wanting to take from your family through the marriage is a healthier reputation, and if absolutely necessary allyship in times of warfare with other clans.” He answered sincerely

You nodded your head and concentrated on his request “then our needs are similar. This marriage in most needed in our case for reputation as well”

“good” Hoseok said softly

Hoseok gave you a polite smile and you returned one to him. Prior to the meeting you felt very uneasy about the possible outcomes of this meeting, but after talking with Hoseok you realized that they two of you were here for pretty similar reasons.  Hoseok’s clan has a reputation of having the weak son, and your clan was labeled weak because you were a woman. Which made both of you an easy target, but with each other as reinforcement you both become closer to indestructible.

“so lets talk more about you and I and not the business…” you started giving Hoseok a more relaxed impression. Hoseok looked you up and down and gave you a small smile before leaning into the table and crossing his arms Infront of himself “how long do you ideally want for this marriage to last?”

He thought the question over for a minute and then responded “honestly, the longer the better. And I think that stands for the both of us if I’m being honest”

You rolled your eyes slightly at his response  “I’m not saying that I’ve agreed to anything yet, but an indefinite contract marriage is a little… excessive” you said “how would you feel about starting off at 1 year to get comfortable and familiar with one another and the business and then if we still feel as if we can get along and be beneficial to one another we can extend and redraw the contract?”

Hoseok considered the proposal for a solid minute and you held your ground and you gave him a serious look as you maintained eye contact. Finally, he gave you a small smile and then broke his silence.

“do you find me to be unsatisfactory as a potential husband?” he asked you seriously

You laughed and shook your head before giving him a small smile “my request has nothing to do with you not meeting my standards, but everything to do with whether or not I find it to be a good business move.” You answered and Hoseok sat back in his seat a little “to be quite honest the only reason that I’m here is because my family requested it of me and I think I might potentially be extra security for the clan, not because I have any interest in getting married. In fact, I have never considered marriage or even a serious relationship to be in my near future.” you answered

Hoseok nodded in understanding “so you aren’t seeing anyone?” he asked

You were about to nod your head but you hesitated for a moment unaware of how to go about addressing your relationship with Shownu and Jooheon. It wasn’t like you were completely single because you did have somewhat of a relationship, even if you didn’t have titles for each other. You weren’t together but you also weren’t just friends. Friends with benefits?

“something you can’t put a label on?” he asked you

You gave him a small nod in response, and he smiled back at you

“if we do proceed with things is it going to be an issue with your friend?” he asked

“they already know about this arrangement and what it could possibly mean for the future…” you said without think twice about how much you just shared

“THEY?!” Hoseok asked with wide eyes and a shocked look on his face “like two people at once?” he asked you looked up at his with wide eyes at his reaction “do they know about you seeing more than one person?” he continued to ask

You scoffed a little pissed that he would insinuate that you were a cheater “of course they know about one another.” you answered “and yes… I didn’t plan it but it just happened to be this way”

“wow” was all he said as he looked you up and down “okay just a few more questions…and don’t get mad at me for what I’m about to ask” he commented making you curious as to what he could say to piss you off

“how realistic do you want this marriage to look to other people?” he asked you and you relaxed

“realistic enough that people won’t want to fuck with either one of us” you answered

“okay then what would the living arrangements look like?” he asked

You stopped for a moment caught off guard by his question, and quite unsure not having ever considered the question.

“do we have to live with each other?” you asked

“of course, if you want it to look real….” he replied “I live at home with my parents so its probably not ideal for the kind of lifestyle you want”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked him

“well… you live on your own and you have… partners” he answered honestly

“if things proceed then I would be willing to open up a bedroom and office for you” you replied

“and would things be strictly business or would we be open to pursuing one another?” he asked and your eyes went wide at how brazen he was being

“just business!” you quickly replied “as I said earlier I have no intentions of being in a relationship. Anyways… being a baiter wont make things complicated for you after the contract begins right?” you asked him

“no… not at all” he said with a small smile “usually the baits take anywhere from 2 to 6 months and at most I would be gone for only a few months at a time but that is only for the tough and rare cases” he explained

“as long as you can insure that my home and clan won’t be in danger from your baits following you to my home then I am totally fine with whatever you need to do” you answered

“usually during the job I stay in an old apartment so that there aren’t any issues or slip ups.” He answered and then was silent for a few moments “okay well I think that you and I have some things to think about now… and decide if we want to seriously continue to the next step” Hoseok said with a smile

you nodded your head and gave him a polite smile. “you can stay if you like, but since we are done here I will go home.  and I will try to get back to you soon with more information” you politely bowed to him and then stepped out of the private booth.

“Wait!” Hoseok called after you

You hand just made eye contact with Shownu as Hoseok called you and you turned your head to address him

“I’ll be leaving too…. This isn’t really my scene” Hoseok said with a smile “let me walk you out!” Hoseok offered and you gave him a smile

As the two of you made your way across the club you noticed the vibe had shifted in the crowd of people. The music had gotten more seductive, the clients were drunk, and people were no longer just having a good time. Most were partnered off and grinding on strangers, giving them a look like they were ready to fuck on the floor if they could.

When you finally reached the front of the club you took a deep breath, enjoying the smell of clean air. You clutched your arms and looked up at the night sky to see the stars and moon hanging just above you, happy to just be out of the sex fueled building.

As you stepped as much as ten feet away from the front door you hear it open once more, and without even looking behind you could tell that it was Shownu. Hoseok however decided to look back and he scoffed before turning back around.

“is he one of your guys?” he asked calmly under his breath just loud enough for you to hear

You just barely peeked over your shoulder to confirm and then hummed as an answer.

Hoseok chuckled and then gave you a smile “I’m guessing that he’s one of the two that you mentioned?” he asked and you turned to give him a look of curiosity “he looks like he wants to bite my head off, so I figured that it was safe to assume”  he joked

Now you completely turned to look back at Shownu and chuckled at the look of disgust and unhappiness on his face. You were sure to get an earful when you got home about all of his opinions on what type of a person Hoseok is. You let out a soft sigh and then smiled down at the ground. This night could have taken many different turns, but you were relieved that things were at least starting off on a half decent track.

 When you had finally arrived in front of your car, Hoseok gave you a soft smile before pulling his phone out of his pocket and handing it over to you. You took the phone and looked up at him with wide, curious eyes. Did he want for you to save your number in his phone? You unlocked the phone and quickly added the number for a second phone.

Of course things were starting off well, but you weren’t dumb enough to give him your personal number. If he needed to contact you he could email or text your spare, unregistered phone.

You handed the phone back to him and he quickly tucked it back into his pant pocket.

“thanks for meeting me tonight, it allowed me to understand you and the contract a little bit more” he said politely

“yes, thank you as well. It was very important for me to have some clarity before I decided to move forward” you said as politically and general as possible, hyperaware that you had a nosy Shownu lingering over your shoulder.

Hoseok gave you a smile, looked you up and down once more and then turned to Shownu and gave him a cheeky grin, before yelling out a little too confidently

“Hey buddy, take care of her for me tonight”

He winked at Shownu and then moved on to find his own vehicle avoiding the death glares and cursing that was falling out of Shownu’s mouth like fire. You turned to give Shownu a secret glance before you quickly got into your car, avoiding having to have any kind of conversation with Shownu while he was this annoyed.

Shownu stared at you with a frown through the windshield for a moment before he resigned and finally got into his own car, ready to follow you home.

You let out the breath that you didn’t know that you were holding in and turned the volume to your music up slightly, because you had exactly about a 20 minute car ride until the second hard part of the night begun.

[blindprof]

It’s Complicated

When people first hear me say that I am blind or severely visually impaired (B/VI), the most common reaction is surprise…followed by sympathy…followed most often by awkward silence. This is totally understandable. Unless you are regularly interacting with differently abled people, disabilities are uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable and awkward around people who live with other forms of disability.

Heck, I’m still awkward around other people who are B/VI. And even this is understandable. Because each person is unique. Each manifestation of visual impairment is unique. Each path to and with B/VI is unique. Each person has unique life experiences, coping mechanisms, support networks, etc. We are all strangers in a strange land. I’ll have other posts dedicated to the whack-a-doo personal and social psychology of B/VI. For now, the focus remains on the physical, or rather the perceptual.

The second reaction is usually a question: “How bad is it” or “What do you see?” And my answer is “It’s complicated.”

In my first post, I laid out some more technical details: I have a visual field that is less that 10 degrees, night blindness, color blindness, uncorrectable myopia, light sensitivity, etc. But it’s not apparent how these details really affect what I see and how that impacts what I can do. This post will go into greater detail into what and how I see. Later posts will focus on how I (try to, with varying levels of success, stupidity, and hilarity) cope with these limitations.

It probably makes sense to start with my visual field, as this is the aspect of my vision that “qualifies” me as legally blind. However, before getting to that, we really need a basic understanding of how humans see. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it short and simple.

It may be easiest to compare the eye to a modern digital camera. A camera lens gathers and focuses light; it also constrains the amount of light passing through by altering the size of a mechanical aperture. In the human eye, these functions are performed by the lens and the pupil, respectively. In a digital camera, the lens focus light onto a CCD or CMOS sensor, which is a dense grid of light sensitive “pixels,” each generating a small electrical charge proportional to how much light (within a certain wavelength) is hitting it. The human retina is the biological, electrochemical equivalent. Finally, a digital camera has wires that transport these electrical signals to a computer, which then interprets the signals to create a digital image. Here, the human analogues are the optic nerve and the visual cortex within the brain.

As I noted in my first post, I have Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), which primarily impacts my retina. Due to the wonders of genetics and epigenetics, other parts are impacted. But for now, I’ll focus on the retina. Characteristically, people with RP find that their retinal “pixels”—millions of light-sensitive “rod” and “cone” structures, as well as protective retinal pigment epithelial (RPE) cells from which the disease gets its name—stop functioning from the outside in. We don’t know the exact cause, nor is there yet any proven way to slow, much less reverse the process.

Of course, this is a biological process that is unique to each individual. For me, it has progressed relatively slowly from childhood. I can recall early symptoms as far back as age 6. I’ll have a separate post at some point talking about progression. But it is notable the process is neither steady nor predictable. I’ll have periods of relative stability followed by periods of perceptible loss. It’s rarely like a light switch, but rather more like a dimmer. Each area of loss will appear darker with less usable information until it is just “clicked off” by the brain, presumably redirecting its limited processing resources to doing something other than trying to interpret shotty data from dying cells. For me, the progression has also been very spotty—for example, I retained some usable vision in the extremes of my left-right periphery until just a couple years ago, despite progressively losing most of my peripheral vision between there and my center.

The result today is that I have very little of my retina remaining that pretends to function “normally.” I can detect very high contrast light vs. dark in some of my periphery, but nothing there that you would qualify as usable sight. My central vision is still somewhat functional, but has been fading rapidly of late. As I said, it’s spotty, but on average in good light I have maybe 10-15 degrees total horizontal vision and less than 10 vertical. And much of that is probably equivalent to what most would consider to be peripheral vision. To help better “feel” what this means, here are a few examples of how this manifests itself in my day-to-day life.

When I’m sitting across a table from you, I can see your face but not your hands. If I’m not socially distant, I might be able to see your eyes or your mouth, but not both at the same time. I often creep people out during a conversation because I’m constantly losing eye contact and moving my eyes to different parts of their body. I promise, I’m not “undressing you with my eyes”—people talk with their entire bodies, and I’m simply trying to catch as many visual cues as possible.

When watching TV from 10 feet away, I can “see” my entire 55-inch screen. But less than a quarter of that is in my central vision. I have to move my eyes to see detail or read signs or captions. Sports and fast action scenes are difficult to catch. A fast action, dark scene with subtitles…oy…the Battle of Winterfell may as well have been a BBC Radio broadcast.

I can read, though usually only slowly and for short periods, especially if it is paper and ink. I see only a few words at a time, so my eyes have to constantly move. This causes a lot of eye strain, and I have trouble keeping both eyes properly oriented and occasionally have periods where one eye twitches uncontrollably—obviously I’m channeling my inner Mad-Eye Moody.

And of course, navigating unfamiliar or unpredictable environments is very difficult. I navigate by moving from waypoint to waypoint, and if I don’t know the waypoints or if things jump in my way, well, bad things happen. Or maybe funny things.

More on all of these and their many repercussions in future posts.

People ask, “What do you ‘see’ in the places where you have no vision? Is it blackness? Emptiness? Blurry?” Again, it’s complicated, but for the most part, my brain has just removed those areas from its visual processing “algorithm.” So, I see the same thing that you see when something is beyond your peripheral vision…just nothing. There are long periods of adjustment as I lose sight—kind of like losing a limb and still expecting it to be there. But eventually it’s just not a part of the picture that my brain paints of the world around me.

Unfortunately, that’s not all. Night blindness is often the first detected symptom for folks with RP. What is left of my retina doesn’t detect light well, so I need much more of it. The result is that I’m totally blind in low-light situations. I need direct light to see any kind of detail. I carry a flashlight everywhere I go and use it regularly day and night.

So, I need bright light. But it is also my nemesis. My eyes compensate like one would with a digital camera…by cranking open the aperture (pupil) and turning up the gain on the sensor. This does allow me to function semi-normally in certain situations. But it also results in severe light sensitivity. As with a camera, the wider pupil also results in loss of detail, and bright light can almost entirely wash any other visual information. To make matters even worse, although my pupils do function, they are VERY slow to adjust.

The results of all of that are varied. I’ll post more details in the future. But for example, I am no longer able to read a computer screen for any length of time without inverted colors. It’s like trying to read while staring at headlights. I truly need dark mode on all of my devices. Also, changing lighting conditions are challenging, especially when they are extreme. When I come in from outside, my eyes can take many minutes to adjust. And bright light sources like sunny windows in otherwise moderately lit environments can really cause havoc.

Finally, a common comorbidity with RP are cataracts, which cause hardening and blurring of the lens. Of course, this one hit me, as well. A number of years ago, I had cataract surgery. It was great. I was the youngest patient in the surgery center by like 30 years. The process involves using a magic wand to dissolve your natural lens and replacing it with a plastic one. This gets rid of the blurring, but entirely removes the ability to focus. As a bonus, I did go from needing coke bottle glasses to just needing a couple of diopters of correction. But this further complicates reading, and means I’m constantly donning and doffing my specs or having to look below them to read. Minor in the big scheme of things, but it does make me look and feel like a damn old fart.

Okay, if you made it this far, you deserve to be let off the hook for now. There’s more like the fact that my corneas—the eyes’ (usually) clear “lens caps”—now seem to cause my sight to remain blurry for the first couple of hours of each day. Or that the eye strain can sometimes get so physically painful that I have to close my eyes for long periods during the day. But this is a mostly complete and accurate snapshot of what I’m currently living with physically.

I guess I didn’t present too many funny or uplifting or forward-looking things in here. Truth is, you kind of have to muddle along with me through these sewers to eventually find the humor and hope in all of this. Because it’s complicated. But I’ll get there if you’re patient.

[dailyaudiobible]

07/23/2021 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 8:11-10:19, Romans 8:9-25, Psalms 18:16-36, Proverbs 19:26

Today is the 23rd day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is a joy and a privilege and an honor to be here with you today around the Global Campfire as we come in and take the next step forward together. Right now, this part of the year, this part of the month, we find ourselves in the book of second Chronicles. We’ve been reading for the New Living Translation this week, which is what we’ll continue with today. Second Chronicles chapter 8 verse 11 through 10 verse 19.

Commentary:

Alright. So in the book of Romans we had been discussing the law, its role, its function, its revealing of our failures and how it showed us what sin was and we’ve basically been talking about sin since for the last couple of days. And we get a really good picture of what we would…what we would call the now and the not yet, which is something that's described about Paul's writings, where there is a now. And, so, Paul was very confessional about his own struggles. Now he does the things he doesn't want to do. And he does the things that he doesn’t want to do, and who…who can free him, and only Jesus can free us. But we have this kind of squatter, sin, who has no claim, but if we obey then we become a slave. And, so, we always have this choice. And, so, it's essentially Paul's conviction that sin will get us in the end, in this mortal body. In other words, we will die in this mortal body, but sin has no claim to our Spirit and day by day we are being transformed into the likeness of our Savior. In fact, it's the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead that's with in us. And if the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, raised Christ from the dead than we can expect the same things, that we will experience resurrection as well. So, that's kind of a summary of what we are reading today, but let's just put it in Paul's own words. “Christ lives within you. So, even though your body will die because of sin the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. The Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead. He will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.” And, so, Paul’s saying this is a…a current state of reality for us, but we’re in the in between. This is a process, and this is where we are. Our bodies in a sinful world are going to wear down but our Spirits will be renewed every day. And ultimately the not yet will be the now and we will be restored to complete perfection as it was intended to be. Paul says it like this, I quote, “yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later for all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who is children really are, for we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time and we believers also grown even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We too to wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us.” Okay. So, that's the not yet. That is what we are hoping for, a time when sin is no more, and death has died, death has been swallowed up in victory. So, essentially if we had a boil down what we've been saying over the last few days it is that sin is a thing and sin, even though we are free from its claims to us is something that we can still choose to obey. We can still choose that kind of slavery if that's what we want. We’re just not perpetually in that state. It doesn't have a claim to us anymore. We died to it and we’re resurrected spiritually. We have right standing before God. We have been grafted into his family. We can call him Abba, Papa, Father, Daddy. We don't have to be afraid. I mean, I have a little boy, his name is Ezekiel. He’s gotten really popular around here this year for reading Daily Audio Bible Kids and he’s doing a great job, but he’s a little boy and he does things that are wrong from time to time, and he does things that he knows are wrong from time to time. And if he has to come and confess or acknowledge because something's been discovered that he has done, something that he knows is wrong he doesn't come to me in terror. He’s not afraid of who knows what I might do to him. He comes and he knows he's done wrong. So, he already knows it was wrong. He's already learned. He may have punishment. He may have consequences that have arisen out of his own actions, but he doesn't have to have terror. He's my son. I am his poppa, his abba, his daddy, his father. So, we may wrestle with the things that we struggle with that we’re trying to medicate or soothe or fill or whatever. We may choose things that ultimately separate us from God or are sinful but we don't have to live in terror of our Father. We need to run to our Father, confess our ultimate and utter dependence and kick the squatter out of our lives. This may be theological, even technical in some ways, but this is the good news. God wants you back and will never stop wanting that for everyone. And, so, let's carry that forward into this day and into this weekend.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, come. May we rest in the knowledge that You really do love us, that maybe we exasperate You at times because of our foolishness, but You really love us deeply, individually. You know our stories. You know who we are and where we've come from. And, so, we come to You. There is no other place to go. Even when we choose things that are destructive in our lives, help us Holy Spirit to rapidly recognize what's going on and rapidly return to our source of life itself. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

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And it's where you find the Prayer Wall and pray for one another around here. That's in the Community section. And of course, all this can be accessed on the web at dailyaudiobible.com or using the Daily Audio Bible app by pressing the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner. So, you can find the Prayer Wall in the Community section.

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that on the web or in the app as well. On the web there's a link on the homepage. In the app there’s is a give button in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you. Thank you humbly and profoundly for your partnership as we continue our journey, the voyage of a lifetime across a year and through the Bible together in community. If that is life-giving to you than thank you for your partnership.

If you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, the little red button at the top or there are a number of numbers that you can call depending on where you are in the world. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to dial. In the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number to call. And if you are in Australia are the lands down under 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family God bless you God bless the Hardin family and the reading of the scriptures. I am Lauralee. I am 16-year listen her. I am 16 years old…17 years old in Christ and I'm just calling. I came to work to this morning and got news that Adrian Lubetkin died last night. Father your word says it's appointed to man once to die and then face judgment. We have prayed for Adrian, that her own understanding about death would be changed in the last couple weeks, that you would perform heart surgery on her. And I have great faith because I saw you do it for my dad. I witnessed it, I saw it. So, I have great faith, that even though I didn't see it that you answered our prayers for Adrian according to your will because you don't delight in the destruction of the wicked and you want everyone to be saved. So, we asked and I trust you that I will see her and that you performed a miracle because you are God of miracles and You're good and You love your creation. I pray that You have made her one of Your very own and we’ll see her later in the name of Jesus. Thank you have a good day.

Hello DAB family this is the Disciple that He loves in Ohio. I've been listening for years now but have never called. I just desperately need prayer for my daughter. She's 15 and has been battling depression since she was 11 or 12. She has such a good heart and at times I just see glimpses of the person she's supposed to be but she's stealing and lying and is so far away and she just says all the time that she doesn't see a point of living and she wants to die. It just breaks my heart. I've prayed over this girl and loved her and asked angels to protect her her whole life and it just, I'm just worried. I'm afraid I'm going to lose her. She talks about dying and wanting to be dead all the time. I'm doing everything I can to get her the help but she just seems like she's getting worse instead of better. I just ask that everyone can come against the spiritual powers of wickedness and that are taking over her and that she would turn back to God and she would be healed over depression and her suicidal ideations. Thank you so much. I love you.

Hi this is Micah in Awe in Kansas City MO. I wanted to pray today for people today that are struggling with mobility issues. Shandra from Maryland you really touched me with your encouragement. And I tasted just briefly what it's like to be immobilized for…for about six months. I was on a knee scooter and kind of hurt to use my other foot to push the knee scooter but I still was able to. And I remember thinking of how…how much of a struggle it would be for someone in a wheelchair and how inaccessible certain places were like just different stores and I wanted to make a change but I just never did but I still want to and today I'm asking all of you out there whether your mobile or immobilized to pray for people that feel or are physically immobilized and not able to get around to where they want to go and feel like they're trapped. Let's pray. Lord today I ask for people all over the world not just DABbers, not just listeners, but everybody who struggles with immobilized…that are immobilized that you can help them feel free even when they are trapped, that you can help them with quality of life and joy when they can't do the things that they once were able to do. We ask for assistance with machinery and equipment that can help them, like if someone wants to get out on trails, some sort of like wheelchairs type bike or something. I don't know what it is but Lord you know what can be done. And I ask for changemakers, like…like make me a changemaker in the mobility area, that these people can have better quality of life and freedom Lord. But we know that our real freedom is in you Lord. Set them free internally and give them great joy. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Hey DAB family this is Sam in Seattle. I haven't gotten on to do a voice recording in a while but have kind of posted on the DAB friends and I’ve been keeping up there. I am coming to ask for prayer for people that are involved in family court. It's torturous. It's downright disgusting the things that are happening and how people with mental health conditions are allowed to use the court system to inflict wrongdoings upon the people that they have abused before or people that have been charged with domestic violence or assault on people, right? They are allowed to use the family court system to attack people's character, their jobs. So…and I…I've heard a lot of single parents on here before, you know, asking for prayers considering their kids and custody things. I even know there's somebody down South from me, I think you're in Kent, maybe you're in Tacoma, but a man that has been going through a lot of custody stuff too. So, I just…I want to ask for prayers for people that are involved in family court and the children…the children that are getting abused through this. Thank you.

Good morning Voice the bass player calling in from northern Nevada and I wanted to call and pray for Joe the Protector Who called to pray for someone else and…but mentioned that he started a new job recently and he's…he's having problems with other guys on the job not being believers. And, so, I pray for…I’m praying for Joe, that…that he could just keep a good heart, a good amount of positive thinking and thinking of the Lord and His goodness during his workday. But he also mentioned that he has three daughters or four daughters I think he said and none of them are walking with God. And I can relate to that because I have four children also and there's only one that I would consider to be walking with a Lord Jesus. And, so, I wanted to pray for all the people out there that have kids that are…that are not saved. You know, our children are the biggest blessing that we have from the Lord. A pastor friend of mine said having children is like having your heart outside of you walking around. And it's true. So, Lord Jesus I just pray for everyone who has children that need to be saved, that need to know you, that need to have their hearts changed by the Holy Spirit. I pray for all of them in Jesus’ name. And everyone have a great week. God bless.

[winterreader-nowwriter]

Right By My Side

Details: Reader’s sister (Sierra) and Reader are in a car crash and Sierra dies, but not everything is how it seems. Tony is there for the Reader.

“Since you picked the movie, I’m driving.”

Sierra laughs, “No way, you’re not driving. Your driving is crazier than Tony’s. Both of you should have your licenses’ revoked and as a federal agent I think I could do that.”

I laugh and shake my head, “Federal agents wish they could drive like us. Our driving is awesome, you just can’t handle it.”

“One of the many reasons why you two are married, but nope, I’m still driving.”

As we get into the car, me in the passenger seat, sadly, I have an uneasy feeling. Shaking it off, I put my seatbelt on.

As we cross the intersection, a car comes speeding out of nowhere and swerves into us, before either of us can react. The car goes flying and then starts spinning. I look over and Sierra and I grab each other’s hands and then my head slams back against the headrest and everything goes black. 

I wake up to a stabbing headache, blurry flashes: being wheeled into a hospital, seeing Tony, going into surgery before everything goes black again.

I wake up to a dull headache, everything hurts. I lift my hand to my nose. There’s a cannula there. I pull on it, but a hand gently pulls mine away, “Honey, can you open your eyes?”

I open them and bright light floods in and I wince and blink a few times to clear my vision. I’m in the Medbay. Tony looks worried but relieved from a chair next to my bed. I try and sit up, but wince. “What happened?” I rasp. The headache from before returning.

Tony gets up and hands me a cup of water and only then do I notice the brace on my right hand. He speaks quietly, “You were in a car crash with Sierra. Do you remember?”

I try and sit up, Tony already had his hand on my shoulder preventing me from sitting up, “Stop trying to move. You have some broken ribs, a sprained wrist, a broken leg, and a concussion.”

“What about Sierra?”

Tony answers, “She’s fine. Well relatively speaking. Because is anyone fine after a car crash? Especially--”

I interrupt him, “Tony...”

He continues, “She has a broken and sprained wrist, a concussion, and some broken ribs. Pretty similar to you.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. At least she’s okay. I blink tiredly and Tony notices. “You should get some rest, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I close my eyes. I see me and Sierra in the car, right before the crash and I try and move. To tell Sierra, but I can’t talk or move. I start screaming when a hands shake my shoulders. “Y/N!” “Y/N!” I gasp and open my eyes. Tony is breathing heavily and sits back down and rubs soothing circles on my hand. The heart rate monitor is still beeping crazily. Tony puts my non-injured hand on his chest and takes slow breaths. He waits until my breathing is back to normal before asking, “Nightmare?”

I nod slowly and take another deep breath before asking, “When can I see Sierra?”

Tony gives a soft smile, “Maybe later today. It’s around 2 a.m., so when she wakes up. Think you can go back to sleep?”

I shake my head and he pulls out his tablet, “Genius idea on my part.”

I smile at that, while he sits next to me careful not to move my leg or IV. He pulls up Criminal Minds and I lay my head on his shoulder. He kisses my forehead before pressing play. We watch at least three episodes before I fall asleep. 

When I wake up again, daylight is streaming in through the window. I try and sit up, and am pleasantly surprised that the stabbing pain I was expecting is more of a deep bruise. Bruce walks in and his eyes widen. “Y/N, you’re up. How are you feeling?”

I gesture to my ribs, “What happened?”

Bruce responds, “Well you know Shuri and T’Challa brought their advanced vibranium technology and Stark Industries is further developing it?”

I nod and he continues, “Well Tony, Dr. Cho, and I implemented it into our medical department. Dr. Cho regenerated the parts of your ribs you broke when she was plating them. Your leg will take another week because she couldn’t regenerate all of it at once.”

That explains a lot. I ask, “Did the same thing happen to Sierra?”

Bruce nods, “Both of your concussions will take longer to heal than everything else.” Bruce takes his glasses off, “I’ll let you rest, call me if you need anything and stay off that leg.”

Tony walks in soon after Bruce leaves and says softly to not bother my head, “Was Banner sentencing you to bed rest?”

“Technically he said to stay off my leg. Can you help me up?”

Tony sighs, “Can you at least wait until tomorrow, so you don’t give me a heart attack.”

“You have an arc reactor, I don’t think a heart attack would phase you.”

Tony nods thoughtfully, “Probably right, I should figure that out.”

I swing my legs over the bed and Tony asks, “Wheelchair?”

I shake my head, “Wheelchairs are for old people and I’m fine.”

Tony continues, “But what if and this is just a thought; you sat in a chair and I had to move it over to the next room. So it just happened to have wheels on it, so it could be easier for me of course.”

I laugh and wince a little, “Fine, just this once.”

Tony grins, “I painted one to match your suit.”

“You did not.”

“I did. I wasn’t sure if you would agree so I didn’t build a hovering chair, but that can be arranged.”

I shake my head and smile at him, “Tony, help me into the chair before I change my mind.”

Tony kisses me and gently picks me up and puts me in the wheelchair.

I wheel over to Sierra’s room and see her sitting up in bed. “Sierra! You’re okay! How are you feeling?”

At the same time, she says, “Y/N! You’re okay!”

After a few minutes, I say, “You’re going to stay with us until your better, I don’t want to hear any excuses.”

Tony says, “We have the room and Y/N is the most stubborn person I know.”

Two and a half weeks later...

Tony walks up behind me and says, “It feels weird for Sierra to be gone. I’m almost used to her living with us.”

I nod, “Definitely, I’m going to miss living with her again… I know it’s only been a few days, but I miss her already.”

Just then Natasha runs in, “Panic button was pressed, let’s move. Y/N, you might want to sit this one out.”

“Why? The doctor cleared me yesterday,” I respond while pressing my watch. As Natasha responds my suit’s nanotech is at work.

“It’s Sierra.”

I don’t respond, just press my watch so the window opens and shoot out of the Tower towards Sierra’s place in Brooklyn. I burst through the door blasters at the ready. I enter Sierra’s kitchen and see her on the floor, a glass cup shattered next to her. Tony arrives soon after and clears the house, but I don’t move. I check for a pulse, but there isn’t one.

I stand frozen even as the crime scene techs arrive and Tony pulls me into his arms and crying. The next few days pass in a blur. On the day of the funeral, it was raining and I thought it was fitting that even Mother Nature knew one of its best people was gone.

After that, I shut down. I spent a while sitting in bed staring at the ceiling, barely sleeping or eating. One day, I was still sitting in bed, when Tony walked in. He didn’t say anything at first, then, “Sierra wouldn’t want you to fall apart, she’d want you to move on.”

I don’t say anything and he continues, “That asshole wins if you let yourself fall apart.”

I finally look up at him and he looks slightly relieved but still worried, “It’s my fault,” I whisper, my voice raspy from disuse.

Tony shakes his head, “She was poisoned with botulinum toxin because of her job, there was nothing either of us could have done.”

I nod knowing he’s right, but also hoping that will end the conversation. Tony gets up, “The best revenge is living well. So come on, this is your last time sitting in here, it’s been four weeks.”

I hadn’t realized it had been that long. I stand up and Tony asks, “Does that mean you’re back in the land of the living and Shawarma?”

I nod, “It’s been too long. And I know she’s gone... ” I break off crying.

Tony hugs me, and whispers, “You’re strong enough.”

When I’m done crying, he grabs my hand, “I started a bath for you with most of your bath perfumes and there’s Japanese food ready when you get out. When you’re done eating, we’re going to go to sleep and in the morning I’ll be playing ACDC while we go over the week’s schedule.”

He kisses me and I hug him hard, “Thank you for everything.”

He smiles, “You’ve more than made up for with all the stupid things I’ve done, and honey, I’m right here for you.”

Taglist: @snarky--starky

[backtobackbakubabe]

Baby its Cold Outside (Part 5)

Bakugo x Reader

Just a really sad Bakugo

Words: 1729

PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE PART 5 HERE , PART 6 HERE PART 7 HERE PART 8 HERE PART 9 HERE PART 10 HERE PART 11 HERE PART 12 HERE PART 13 HERE PART 14 HERE

*****************************************************************************************************

This can’t be happening. This isn't real. This was his biggest fear. Y/n lay limp in his arms, blood pooling at a rapid pace. 

He let an anguished, almost feral scream. It was so loud there was the slightest pause in all the fighting. He hugged you tight to him and rocked you back and forth. “You cant be gone. You cant. You promised. You promised me y/n that you wouldn't put yourself in danger...” He kept muttering as tears streamed down his cheeks. 

Iida knelt down next to him, “Bakugo, she’s still alive. Her pulse is faint but its there. She’s a fighter. Now I need you to let go of her so I can get her out of here and to a hospital. Okay?” 

He gave you one last hug before giving you a long kiss on the forehead. “Please save her Iida.... please.” 

Iida leaned over and picked you up gently before sprinting off, away from the fighting. Once Iida was out of sight Bakugo wiped his tears and looked to the ongoing fighting around him. Backup was on the way... but they weren't going to need them because... because he was going to kill all of them. 

Bakugo knew what anger felt like. Before y/n, it was his primary emotion. But now sitting here in a pool of her blood..... He had never felt a rage like this before. Ignoring the screaming pain in his legs he stood up. “ANYONE WHO DOESNT WANT TO GET BLOWN THE FUCK UP GET BEHIND ME NOW!” 

His fellow heros knew this was not an empty threat and all made an effort to scamper behind him. He didn't waste any time, sending off the biggest explosion he’s ever had right as the last person got out of the way. He could feel his hands cracking under the pressure and his head felt like a balloon. But he just yelled through the pain and pushed harder. These fuckers were going to pay for what they did. 

All the sudden it all stoped. He grunted in frustration as Aizawas hand came down on his shoulder, “It’s okay Bakugo... You got them.” In all honestly Bakugo’s emotional outburst scared his comrades. They had never seen him so out of control, so vulnerable,.... so powerful. He had left the entire alleyway in charred bits and pieces. His flames had gotten so hot that he could see a sizzling pile of bones off to the side. He was unstable. He was losing it. He was scaring them. 

He looked at Aizawa with numb eyes, “Is Y/n..... Is she.....” 

He couldn't even bring himself to say it. Saying it out loud would make it true. She's not gone, she cant be. 

“Last I heard she’s in critical condition. She’s in surgery and we won't know much more until she gets out.” 

Bakugo slumped down to his knees. Gravity was taking him. He was exhausted. He was in pain. His body was begging to just shut down so he didn't have to deal with this anymore. “Please bring me to her.”

Aizawa leaned down to inspect Bakugo's mangled leg, “Well she’s at the hospital which is where you definitely need to be right now. She won't be out of surgery for hours, so let’s see if we can get that leg looked at while we wait.” 

He gritted his teeth, “I don't care about my fucking leg....” 

This time Izuku and Kirishima stepped up next to him, each taking an arm to help him walk. Kirishima turned to Aizawa, “Thank you for coming to help... but I think we can handle it from here. We’ll get him to the hospital and call and let you know once we know anything.” 

Bakugo grunted as they started moving, “Deku... I asked you to do one fucking thing...” Then he blacked out. 

*************

He woke up to a beeping noise. He almost expected to wake up in a hospital bed. But instead he was on a cot in someone else's room. He groaned as he sat up. His head was killing him. 

“Hey man take it easy you’ve been asleep for for almost two days. Don’t sit up too fast.” 

Kirishima was sitting in a very uncomfortable looking chair with a magazine in his lap. “Where am I. Whats going on?” 

Kirishima gave him a sad look, “We’re in the hospital man. Recovery girl fixed up your leg but your hands are going to need a while to heal. You went plus ultra and them some... How are you feeling?”

The memories all flooded back to him and hit him truck. Y/n... 

“Don’t fuck with me and don't sugar coat it shitty hair.... Is she... Did she...?” 

Kirishima put a hand on his shoulder, “See for yourself.” And gestured behind him. 

Bakugo was slow to get up, almost scared at what he would see behind the curtain. He pulled it back with a bandaged hand and his breath got stuck in his throat. There you were. You had a thick breathing tube down your throat, and there was a bandage on your forehead but it was you. Tears pricked his eyes as he pulled up a chair and sat next to you and took your hand. “How did I get here... I mean why didn't I wake up in a room of my own?” 

Kirishima blushed, “Well uh... Technically you do have a room, and technically you are supposed to be in there. But I knew when you woke up the only thing you’d care about was y/n... and I was scared you might blow the place up. So I moved you here and have been keeping a lookout for you.” 

He didn't deserve a friend like him. 

And so a routine began. Bakugo sat in one chair while Kirishima sat in the other. Kirishima would always go get food sometimes Bakugo would actually eat it. They didn't talk much other than the occasional small talk, which he was thankful for. 

After about a week and a half Kirishima convinced him that he needed a real shower and good nights sleep in his own bed. But Bakugo didn't want to back to his apartment without you. It would feel too empty. 

So he did something kind of impulsive. He called your landlord and terminated your lease. He spent the next three days moving all of your stuff into his place. 

It was almost therapeutic. During this time he could pretend you were just off on a mission and he was going to surprise you when you came home. He cleaned out half of his closet and scoffed at how many pairs of shoes you had. He swears he’s only seen you wear like 3 or four of them. 

He was judging you the whole time he cleaned out your kitchen, “Shit does she really not own any real food.” He wondered how you survived before you started dating. 

He was doing okay until he got to the hoodie he ha leant you all those months ago in the snow. He held it to his nose and sure enough it smelt like you. He didn't have many tears left in him so he just sat there in the middle of your almost empty apartment and stared at it. Your last words echoing in his ears. 

You had said you loved him... And he never got the chance to say it back... What if he never gets to. 

Next thing he knew he was back at the hospital. It was way past visiting hours but he’d like to see someone try to keep him out. 

He ended up back in that same chair he basically lived in and took your hand. “Y/n.. you stubborn stubborn women. You have no idea what you’re putting me through. Remember when I asked you, no scratch that begged you to always put your safety before mine? I know you do because we’ve fought about, like a lot. Well you just had to have the last word huh?” 

He put his head down on his other hand while he played with your fingers, “I moved all your stuff into my apartment by the way. I know you’ll probably throw a fit when you find out because I didn't ask you first but I’m okay with that.” 

“You now you really need to wake up soon. Your birthday is coming up and if we’re being honest I don't remember which day it is. I only remember its in February because at UA I would always get you something and slip it into your bag when you weren't around. And you’d always comment later that someone kept forgetting your birthday but you couldn't figure out who it was... yeah that person was me.”

He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It wasn’t like you could hear him anyways. “Listen what I really came here for... was to tell you... I love you too. Its not a new thing either. I think on some level I’ve always loved you. Even that first day when everyone thought we were going to kill each other. Do you remember?”

“You were sitting on a bench in the courtyard practically shaking from nerves. You were terrified of the entrance exam. I, being the charming asshat that I am, decided to call you out for it. I think I called you a weak ass crybaby. Told you heros aren't scared of anything.” 

He paused laughing at what came next, “Well you weren't having any of that. No. So you teleported behind me and pulled down my pants in front of all the students about to take the entrance exam. Oh I was so mad! But then you teleported back with that stupid gorgeous smirk on your face and you told me, heros were never caught with their pants down either yet here we are. I remember I was so mad I blew up the bench you were sitting on. It’s still there you know? After all these years, there's just a charred bench that no body sits on.” 

He picked his head up to look at you, “You know if this was one of the cheesy movies you always make me watch, you would have woken up while I was talking... I really cant do this without you baby. Please wake up already.”

[goalcaufield]

funny business - s. knight note: nsfw content (whoops! it wasn’t supposed to. but.)

these four white walls and that stupid constant beeping was starting to drive you insane. it had only been twenty minutes since you woke up from your surgery, but you were already ready to rip your iv out of your hand. your knee was killing you, you felt extremely groggy, and all you wanted was to be back in your own bed at home. 

you groan, which comes out more strangled than anything, and try to resituate yourself to get more comfortable to go back to sleep. however, the world seems to be extremely against you. 

“see? she’s still asleep! i told you it was a good idea we got all this stuff now,” you hear one of the boys, one of your best friends speak. and god you can hear that stupid smirk on jack’s face - how he always got when he was right about something. 

“yeah, yeah, whatever j,” alex is next to speak. you pop one eye open and all 3 of the boys freeze, teddy bears and balloons in their arms. 

“hi baby,” spencer breathes out with a smile, and he takes a few steps forward to reach your bed. he pushes the hair away from your forehead and presses a lingering kiss before his hand falls to your cheek. “how are you feeling my love?”

you lean into his hand, a lazy smile making its way onto your face. “tired. in pain.” spencer smiles sadly knowing that there’s nothing he can do to help you. but you reach up and place your hand on top of his. “but i’m a little better now, because you’re here.” 

“wow, what are we, chopped liver? not like i haven’t known you since we were five years old, y/n.” jack scoffs and the two boys place their ‘get well’ gifts on one of the open hospital chairs. 

“j,” you sigh, “it’s different bub. you know that.” 

jack just rolls his eyes, but spencer hands you the teddy bear he got for you, a light brown bear with a red heart that had ‘i love you!’ written across it in white letters. there was a card tucked behind the heart and the balloon tied around it. 

“oh spencer knight,” you grin like a fool but accept the gift gratefully. alex and jack watch the interaction between you two, and while they think it’s grossly sickening, they still can’t help but smile. 

“you saw your mom, right?” jack speaks up and you nod. your mom was right by your side when you first woke up, and she had disappeared a few minutes ago to grab your nurse so she could give you more pain medication. 

“do you guys want a minute?” alex asks looking between the two of you. “cause we can leave for a few.”

“if you don’t mind,” spencer says glancing down at you. luckily the two boys leave you alone. 

“what’s up, love?” you ask, head tilting sideways. spencer steps back to grab a chair and he pulls it up next to your hospital bed, wasting no time before he’s grabbing your hand and pressing his lips to the skin. “spence,” you giggle. 

you can feel his smile forming against your skin. “i was just worried sweetheart, that’s all. i know you were going to be okay, but still, that nagging thought is there.”

you smile sadly, your free hand going up to brush through his messy blond curls. “i love you, you know that?”

“of course i do,” he smiles and turns his head so he can kiss your hand that fell to his cheek. “i just wish i could help you. i know you’re in pain and i know you’re gonna be in pain for a while.”

you sigh. “about that. i’m sorry i won’t be able to go with you to prom. you can still go, i understand if you want to.”

“are you crazy? there’s no other place i’d rather be than with you, my love. i’ll gladly spend prom night cuddled up with you watching movies.”

“and this, this is why i am in love with you, spencer knight,” you whisper and bring his lips to yours, but right as they brush you hear a throat being cleared from the entryway. 

“obviously someone is feeling a little bit better, miss l/n,” the young nurse teases you. “how are you feeling hon?” 

“in a lot of pain,” you admit, causing spencer’s hand to squeeze yours. 

“that’s what i’m here for,” she grins and sets up bags of medication to flow through your iv. “you may feel a little drowsy, but that’s normal. if you’re nauseous just press that button, okay?” she points towards the red ‘call’ button on your bed remote.

you thank the nurse before she’s leaving the room, which leaves you and spencer alone once more. “where were we again?” spencer plays dumb with a cute smile on his face before he’s leaning in to kiss you again. this time your lips actually meet, and you most definitely let it get a bit more heated than you originally intended. one of your hands runs through spencer’s hair and the other stays planted on the back of his neck. however on the other hand, one of spencer’s are trailing underneath your hospital gown and the other rests on your hip.

“we left for like five minutes!” alex shouts as him and jack walk back into the room. spencer pulls away from you quickly and his cheeks are bright pink. “jeez, spence. you know you two can’t have sex, right?”

you’ve never seen that boy look at you so quickly before and it’s a miracle he didn’t give himself whiplash. “y/n, what is he talking about?”

“spence,” you laugh, grabbing both of his hands. “technically we can’t. unless you wanna risk hurting me, which i’m sure you wouldn’t.”

spencer lets out a huff and leans back in his chair, pulling his hands from yours to cross his arms over his chest. “we can just be careful?”

you roll your eyes. he’s got an innocent look on his face for the not-so-innocent acts he’s thinking of, but you know he doesn’t mean anything bad. “maybe in a week or two. but for the time being, you’re gonna have to suffer.”

luckily your mother walks into the room clueless to the conversation that’s going on but is able to stop it before it continues. “hi honey, hi boys. y/n/n, you should be able to be discharged by tonight.”

“oh thank god,” you mumble, letting your head fall back against the pillows. “movie night, spence?”

spencer snaps out of his pouting phase, and a grin forms on his face. “please?”

meanwhile your mother is hesitant. “y/n, you’re gonna have to be extremely careful, you know. i’m not joking. i don’t even think you should be on the same couch together in all honesty.��

“but, that ruins the whole point of movie night,” spencer pouts at your mom, but she gives him a stern look in response.

“can’t promise you anything, mom, sorry,” you mumble knowing she probably couldn’t hear you anyway. however spencer does, and the little giggle that leaves his lips is enough to make you smile over at him.

the next few hours of grueling. your doctor comes in to lecture you about the do’s and don’ts after your surgery, which includes all of the basics. ice it. take your pain medicines. no strenuous activities. try to stay off it as much as you can. stay persistent with physical therapy, because it wouldn’t benefit you at all if you weren’t.

once you’re finally discharged later that night, spencer is right by your side helping you into the wheelchair your nurse provided for you. you’ve got all the teddy bears the boys got for you in your lap, the balloons flying right above your head for everyone to see. none of those boys left your side, not until spencer was helping you carefully into the passengers seat of your mom’s car. 

“i’ll see you in an hour, yeah?” spencer asks with his hands next to you on the seat. you nod and peck his lips. “see you in a bit, love.”

“see you sweetheart.”

“spence, you didn’t drive here alone, right?” your mom asks, and spencer glances up at her. 

“no, jack drove. why?”

“you guys can have your movie night. hop in the back, kiddo.”

the smile on spencer’s face is equivalent to a little kid that just got ice cream after hours of begging, and he happily gets in the back of the mini van for the ride back to your house that’s about half an hour away. 

you end up dozing off in the car leaving spencer and your mom to talk about god knows what. but they keep each other occupied and they manage to not wake you up, and you wake up only when you feel spencer’s hands carefully moving under your body to carry you.

“spence,” you mumble, but he’s quick to shush you and you oblige, wrapping your arms around his neck and resting your head on his chest. “we’re still having our movie night, you know. you’re crazy to think that we aren’t.”

spencer’s chest vibrates as he laughs. “you’ve had a long day love, i get it. we can just have a whole movie day tomorrow.”

“no, we’re having movie night now,” you grumble and he sighs in defeat. spencer carries you into your house and up to your room, and when you open your eyes again you nearly cry. spencer had made you a little ‘get well’ basket with all of your favorite things - from candy to movies to a new fuzzy blanket you were sure you’d get use out of that night cuddling with spencer. “spencer you did not have to do this.”

“but i did,” you can hear the smile in his voice and you turn back to kiss the underside of his jaw. “i love you, spence. more than you could ever imagine.”

“oh i’m sure i love you so much more, y/n,” he mumbles and kisses your forehead. “now i think i was promised a movie night?”

spencer carefully situates you on your bed, taking the yellow fuzzy blanket from the basket and setting the basket on your night stand. he then gingerly gets into the bed next to you, careful not to disturb your left leg even if he was on the opposite side. you place your hand and head on spencer’s chest as he turns your tv on in search of a movie for the two of you to watch. a grin forms on his face when ‘atlantis: the lost empire’ comes onto the screen, your all time favorite movie, so of course he presses play.

usually spencer is pretty decent when it comes to keeping his hands to himself. key word being usually. but it seems that because he can’t - or he shouldn’t - his hands seem to do a bit of wandering on their own. his hand slips underneath the waistband of your sweatpants and underwear, and while you know you shouldn’t egg him on, the moan that escapes you lips is just enough to do that. spencer knows you like the back of his hand, after nearly three years of dating that’ll just happen to a couple, spencer barely has to touch you to get a reaction out of you.

“spencer, we can’t. you heard the doctor, ‘no strenuous activities,’” you try to make him come to his senses, but would that happen? oh god no. of course not.

“yeah, well, eating you out? i don’t think that’s strenuous for you, love.” you can barely process his words before spencer is sliding out from underneath you and is making his way down your body. he hooks the band of your sweatpants around his finger and pulls them down, extra careful when he gets to your knee, and discards them when he’s able. he presses his lips to your thighs sucking a couple of hickeys into the skin before he pulls your thong to the side. 

“spence, please,” you whine, fingers tangling in his curls. he looks up at you through his eyelashes before his lips wrap around your clit. you try to keep you body to the bed, but spencer’s arm going to rest across your stomach makes that easier. 

“love, you gotta be quiet, your mom would kill us,” he mumbles, and instead of letting out a moan you whimper right as spencer licks a stripe right up your folds. needless to say, the kid knew you way too well.

you can’t help but tug on his curls, some sort of substitute for not being able to make much noise, but spencer isn’t complaining. if anything it just makes him smirk against you and go twice as hard as he was before. he pushes a digit into your entrance, which almost sets you into overdrive, and you can’t help but roll your hips against his lips.

“you can cum princess, it’s okay,” spencer mumbles, and that’s all you need before you turn your head to moan into your pillow. you’re panting as spencer basically licks you clean, then proceeds to kiss up your body until he’s hovering over top of you. “that wasn’t too strenuous, was it darling?”

you peek one eye open, and of course that stupid spencer knight smirk is right on his lips. “oh shut up, spencer.”

“hm, don’t think i will princess.” 

[ninjanonymous]

I’m pissed off, and sad, and scared, and I have a lot to say right now. This all needs to be said, for my own sake if not for anyone else’s.

Very recently, the Supreme Court ruled 7-2 that employers under the Affordable Care Act are now allowed to roll back access to birth control for their employees, as long as their religion disagrees with it. This ruling was made in the name of religious tyranny, and NOT that of religious freedom. Christian-run businesses can now force their beliefs onto their employees by actively denying them the healthcare that they very much need.

Can you imagine the outrage there would be if SCOTUS decided that it was suddenly okay for a Muslim-run business to break FLSA standards during Ramadan? After all, if a Christian-run business shouldn’t be forced to pay for all ACA-protected aspects of an employee’s healthcare, why should a Muslim-run business have to sacrifice profits when eating lunch during Ramadan is against their religion?

“Oh, but there are federal protections to keep something like that from happening.” Are there? Are there really? The ACA gave employees FEDERALLY PROTECTED access to birth control through their employers, because an employer’s religious beliefs shouldn’t be used to control the freedoms or hurt the wellbeing of others. Now look where we are.

This court ruling essentially dictates that religion can make you exempt from federally-mandated rules for the sake of profit. It puts the employer’s beliefs above the beliefs and wellbeing of their employees. It puts any company’s self-proclaimed God over the law, and allows them to forgo worker protections because, according to them, it’s what Jesus would want.

And where do we draw the line? Should a company that’s run by a Jehovah’s Witness be allowed to deny coverage for a needed blood transfusion? Can a religious company claim that any illness is a righteous punishment from God, and the use of modern medicine to treat it would be sinful? What would that mean for something as devastatingly expensive as cancer treatment? What if the CEO doesn’t agree with vaccines? And really, why even stop at access to healthcare when there are any number of ways that a company could encroach on their worker’s rights in the name of God?

Too many people in this country are entirely dependent on their employers for their health insurance. Healthcare costs in America are the highest in the western world by far, and life-saving treatment is often prohibitively expensive without it. This SCOTUS decision may ultimately deny many Americans their constitutional right to life.

Employers pay private insurance companies to provide care for their employees. This is a blanket expense. They don’t get an itemized bill for the healthcare that they’re covering. They’re paying for general healthcare coverage to be provided by insurance company, and that’s it. The employers are not the insurance companies themselves. They are not the ones processing the claims and choosing which to deny and which to cover. Your medical record is private, protected information. Your employer does not have access to that information under HIPAA. If your employer isn’t allowed in the room with you during your doctor’s appointment, they absolutely shouldn’t be allowed to pick and choose what care you can and can’t receive.

These companies are literally just saying, “see that person right there? I don’t like that they’re on birth control, because I’M a Christian, and that’s against MY beliefs, so now THEY can’t have it.” A Christian forcing their beliefs onto someone else isn’t religious freedom, just like a Muslim forcing their beliefs onto a Christian wouldn’t be. This is religious tyranny the and Christian-backed persecution of women.

And for this specific ruling, it really is that arbitrary. This ruling is a poorly-disguised move to further strip away the rights of women in the name of Abrahamic theocracy. The idea that this decision would save money for these employers is completely asinine, considering good reproductive healthcare and access to birth control reduces long-term costs overall (I will be adding the stats and sources to back this up in a later post).

And here’s an important reminder for you all: reproductive healthcare is still basic healthcare. Taking care of one’s needs regarding their reproductive system benefits their overall health. And even if you disagree with me there, “birth control” is a pretty damn big misnomer. While it is commonly used to prevent unwanted pregnancies, there are a myriad of other reasons that a woman might need it for.

Birth control can control hormonal acne. My own mother was put on it for this reason back when she was a teenager.

It can be used to help regulate one’s mood. A dear friend of mine is on it for this reason. She suffers from severe depression, occasionally to the point of suicidal ideation. I am fucking terrified about what this court decision could mean for her.

It reduces one’s chances of getting uterine cancer. I have a family history of uterine cancer, and it can be hard to detect. They only found it in my grandmother by chance when they were performing an unrelated surgery.

It reduces your chances of forming ovarian cysts. Women with PCOS often suffer from these, and they can be quite painful. My mother had to have a football-sized ovarian cyst removed from her abdomen, and histology found that it contained pre-cancerous cells.

It can relieve symptoms of PMS and PMDD. Again, this is a form of hormonal mood regulation, as well as a means of controlling many of the unfortunate physical side effects of the menstrual cycle. PMS and PMDD are often topics of ridicule, but their symptoms can have a serious negative impact on one’s day-to-day life. I’ll add more information on this later, since there’s a lot to cover.

It can help regulate one’s menstrual cycle. For reasons I shouldn’t have to explain, knowing when blood and viscera is going to start pouring out of your crotch really helps with being prepared to deal with it. It also helps to avoid really embarrassing situations in public, or the need to clean bloodstains out of clothes and furniture. Irregular periods are a gruesome guessing game. I’ve been there. I don’t want to go back.

It can make your periods less painful. Periods happen when, once a month, the uterus sheds its inner lining. As in, the person having their period is bleeding internally, because one of their organs is shredding and expelling parts of itself from the inside. That shit hurts. Many women have reported vomiting or passing out from period pain. For me, the average period cramp can be compared to really bad gas or diarrhea pain. You know, the kind that has you breaking out into cold sweats on the toilet while you silently beg for mercy to any god that might be listening. Fun, right? I’d recon my pain level is about the average, too.

It can be used to manage menstrual migraines. Did you know some women get migraines in conjunction with their periods? Migraines are debilitating. Imagine having them chronically, getting them frequently around the same time every month, then being denied affordable access to the one medicine that was keeping it in check because your asshole boss says that Jesus wants you to suffer. Bonus points if you get fired because the migraines had a negative impact on your ability to work.

It can reduce your risk of anemia. Some women get really heavy periods. Like, crazy heavy, to the point where they bleed so much that it’s unhealthy. Technically speaking, I fall into this camp. I’d hemorrhage to the point of needing a transfusion if I went long enough without birth control. Gee, I sure hope the insurance-throttling company that I work for isn’t run by a Jehovah’s Witness.

Birth control is the only non-invasive way to control uterine fibroids, which often go hand-in-hand with endometriosis. These are non-cancerous growths within or around the uterus can cause uncontrolled bleeding, and may be quite painful in and of themselves. A ridiculously high number of women have this, myself included. Most women that have them have no or very few symptoms. I was not so lucky.

And that’s just a few of birth control’s many uses. And actually, let me talk about my fibroids some more for a second, just so you all have a better idea of what it means to live with this shit. TMI time. I take birth control. I’ve been taking it regularly for about five years now. I’ve never had sex before, and I don’t plan on it any time soon. This is the one and only reason I’m on the pill.

Five years ago, during my freshman year of college, I started bleeding out of the blue. Really, really badly. This “spotting” was sudden, and heavy, and unrelenting. I’d completely bleed through a super tampon in less than two hours, when one of those would last a good eight hours on my heaviest day during a normal period. I had to sleep with towels on the bed, and set an alarm to wake up early so I could take deal with the shed blood before it got too bad, and to give myself extra time for cleanup before classes. After going from horizontal to vertical for the first time in several hours, getting to the bathroom was a race against time and gravity.

I lived like this for a full month. Tampons and pads, for those of you that have had the privilege of never needing to buy them, can get really pricey. Doubly so for a broke college student, triply so when they need to be extra-large packs containing extra-large products, and quadruple-y so when that broke college student is still managing to bleed through those products at an absurd rate. And, it hurt. The pain was worse than usual; the camps were sharper, more persistent, and sometimes it felt like someone was jabbing a big needle into my abdomen and twisting it around. I was taking OTC painkillers constantly, and they barely made a dent in the pain.

The bleeding started just over a week after my last period had ended, so it was way too early for it to be my next cycle. I figured that maybe my cycle was syncing up to my roommate, or some other chick on my floor had some weird hormonal imbalance, and the outside interference from other people’s hormones was screwing with me enough to make my own body act weird. I figured I’d just have to wait out this one bad period, and everything would settle back down to normal. But, two weeks passed and absolutely nothing changed. The bleeding wasn’t slowing down, and I started to get worried that it wasn’t just an abnormal period. I waited a couple more days, then booked an appointment at the health center. It was more than a week until they could see me.

The consensus was fibroids. They couldn’t give me an official diagnosis without an ultrasound, but all signs pointed to that one conclusion. They said that the only way to make the bleeding stop was by taking birth control. I wasn’t happy about it, since my mom had me convinced that birth control would actually increase my risk of cancer (not true, as I later found out), but I agreed anyway. The nightmare was over a few days later.

So, off topic but still related, I had surgery on my foot a couple months ago. It had to be immobilized for a while, and I was put on blood thinners to prevent any clots from forming while I recovered. Birth control pills can actually increase the risk of blood clots, so I made the choice to hold off on taking those for a while, just as an added precaution. Sure enough, only five days later, the bleeding and the pain was back. Again, it had been only a week since my last period.

I still need to be on birth control. It is a medical necessity for me. My fibroids are still around, and I’ll still spot and cramp up if I miss a pill. I’ve recently been told by my doctor that a permanent fix, and my only other option for treatment, is a hysterectomy. I am 22 years old. Most surgeons would never dream about performing that procedure on me, even if it didn’t already come with its own health risks.

And hell, even if it is used just to prevent pregnancies, what gives someone else the right to deny a woman her bodily autonomy? Human beings are sexual creatures. They’re going to fuck, regardless of whatever laws or religious doctrines are involved. We are quite literally built to have sex, and it’s entirely healthy to do so. There are plenty of peer-reviewed studies that go into detail on the matter; just hop onto Google Scholar and see for yourself. And, maybe, preventing pregnancy is a need in and of itself. What if a woman has a condition that would make pregnancy extremely high-risk? Is she not justified in taking birth control to protect herself from grievous injury? If she’s married to a man, does that married couple not have a right to sleep together without fear of one of them literally dying for it? Even by Christian standards, it doesn’t seem right.

This decision that the Supreme Court has made is utterly shameful, and countless law-abiding American citizens will now be denied access to needed care that they otherwise couldn’t afford without insurance coverage. This is truly a loss for America and her people, and one that will cause suffering for decades to come.

[climbnapkin18]

Cristal ® Fat Freezing Treatment

Cryolipolysis Fat Freeze

Content

Prior To & After Fat Freezing.

Just How Does Fat Freeze Job?

CoolSculpting modern technology provides safe and regulated cooling, targeting fat cells with several device heads made particularly to attend to certain body components. This suggests that, whilst we are targeting the pockets of stubborn fat by freezing them, your skin is untouched. As a fat freezing therapy, it functions to target details places on the body to contour for a smoother silhouette. The body has the very same quantity of fat cells as the day you were born. Fat cells broaden as well as agreement as an individual gains as well as loses weight.

LA Lipo Cryolipolysis Northamptonshire ='text-align:center'>

After years of study as well as clinical studies, CoolSculpting ® has been improved. Dealing with the concept of Cryolipolysis-- which is freezing the fat cells, creating them to die and become gotten rid of out of the body through its natural lymphatic process. This suggests CoolSculpting ® does not change the body's natural systems to get rid of fat, however works effortlessly to achieve this objective. The cryolipolysis machine we make use of is based on this principle making use of sophisticated technology.

Prior To & After Fat Freezing.

When I was supplied the opportunity to attempt cryolipolysis at the skin clinic co-owned by The Apprentice's Leah Totton as well as Lord Sugar, I initially had visions of myself looking less like a cow, and also more like Gigi Hadid. The treatment promises to reduce persistent fat pockets - think belly rolls, saddlebags as well as even double chins - by around 10-30% per session. The variety of fat freezing therapies you need will depend on the area you're dealing with as well as the size of the fatty build-up that you're attempting to minimize. For example, chin fat freezing might take less time than CoolSculpting the stomach, because it's a smaller surface. We'll have the ability to offer you more in-depth guidance and also guidance once you have been examined at your complimentary examination.

The results have been medically proven by many tracks and also determining the fat layer by means of ultrasound after cryolipolysis to validate results. There are numerous medical tests as well as testimonials in clinical journals that confirm the results and we have had some impressive results with up to 45% fat reduction in the cured area on several customers. Minimize that stubborn fat with our most current and also state of the art cryo fat freezing innovation! Appreciate the advantage of instant results with our highly advanced as well as advanced fat-loss coolsculpting therapy programmes. This treatment is wonderful for persistent pockets of fat, as well as will lower them. It's not the ideal therapy if you want to loose weight around your body. I would recommend that you begin your fat burning initially, and also think about this as the treatment to offer you extra assistance on persistent locations, or to have in conjunction with fat burning.

How Does Fat Freeze Job?

The FDA approval verifies both the safety and efficacy of the tool. Fat cells that go through cryolipolysis in other words are iced up throughout the CoolSculpting ® procedure progressively filtrate and also leave the body through the body's natural processes.

MEA Energy-Based Aesthetic Devices Market - GlobeNewswire

MEA Energy-Based Aesthetic Devices Market.

Posted: Mon, 03 Feb 2020 08:00:00 GMT [source]

This therapy absolutely eliminates of fat cells so you'll have less fat cells than you did before. Nonetheless when you place weight on, the fat cells engorge-- so they inflate like balloons ... and also you grow. Fat Freezing is a totally non-invasive, risk-free and also reliable therapy for the decrease of body fat. It uniquely targets frustrating locations of fat such as muffin tops, like takes care of, bingo wings and back fat. This therapy does not require any kind of anaesthetic, pause job, no garment post-treatment or once a week massage therapies. Are you bothered by persistent pockets of body fat that just will not move, regardless of how hard you diet regimen or exercise? At Rose City Body Center we can help in reducing your lumps as well as bulges at a portion of the price of cosmetic surgery with Lipoglaze Fat Freezing.

? We Can Address Any Kind Of Questions You Have Regarding Fat Freezing At Cosmesurge.

That claimed, if you are just one of the countless people that is troubled by issue fat on your body, we can help you feel more toned overall, and also help you return to feeling your finest. All physique are unique, so we always offer an appointment process to figure out if it's best for you. We'll additionally talk about the number of treatments you might need as well as the expected results you could attain. You might just require one session of treatment, but you may desire 2 to assist you lastly meet your fat decrease goals. Throughout this time, your body will be normally clearing itself of the fat cells that have actually been damaged as part of the therapy. The fat cells you lose won't return, however we do advise maintaining a healthy and balanced way of living, as fat can build up once again somewhere else. That's the leading step you can require to maximize your CoolSculpting ® outcomes.

Cool4D™ Non-Invasive Cryolipolysis Fat Reduction from Cluederm - News-Medical.net

Cool4D™ Non-Invasive Cryolipolysis Fat Reduction from Cluederm.

Posted: Tue, 22 May 2018 20:06:35 GMT [source]

This individual treatment doesn't just stop after your therapy, however we provide cost-free recurring advice to our individuals whenever they have any kind of inquiries. The majority of patients begin to see arise from about 3 weeks post-treatment, which comes to a head approximately 6-7 weeks after treatment. For numerous, this session is enough, nonetheless some clients choose to have a couple of even more therapies on the very same area. This relies on the goals you are wishing to achieve and the place of the fat you are targeting.

Many people question does fat freezing really work with persistent locations? And the response is of course - this chilly freeze fat loss method is a reliable way to eliminate fat that won't change through regular diet regimen and also exercise. The average weight reduction for CoolSculpting differs from patient to person, but the process can provide as much as a 27% reduction of fat. At your examination, our coolsculpting specialists will evaluate your viability for treatment as well as create a customised therapy plan that is mosting likely to give you the very best outcomes. Cryolipolysis a new procedure that entails the non-invasive air conditioning of body fat to break down fat cells, leading to a decrease of body fat without damages to various other cells. Our therapies are commonly a mix of technically innovative procedures as well as more typical methods while we give the best client treatment from the moment you come in for an appointment.

How long will I be swollen after CoolSculpting?

There typically is minimal recovery time after CoolSculpting. You will be able to return to your normal daily routine immediately after the procedure. access la-lipo.co.uk Cryolipolysis results Wallingford here! is common for the treated area to feel bloated and to look swollen for the first three weeks after CoolSculpting.

As soon as the cold temperatures has destroyed the fat cells they are progressively gotten rid of by the body similarly that nutritional fats are damaged down, over the next 8-12 weeks. As the fat cells are removed gradually by the body, no adverse impacts have actually been tape-recorded in regard to liver feature and cholesterol degrees.

That is why the treatment remains to function months upload treatment and results often much more long-term than other treatments. Lots of people ask us why cryolipolysis therapies are very important for the skin.

Can CoolSculpting go wrong?

Additional rare complications that may occur after CoolSculpting include: pain that starts several days after the treatment and usually resolves when numbness goes away, or after about a month. scarring or changes to skin color. reduced movement or response of the tongue following procedures involving the neck or chin.

[windyfiend]

By nightfall, after the suns had drawn down and slipped beneath the streets, an unsteady stillness had settled on the city. The smoke had cleared, the red stains washed clean, a killer caged in the belly of the palace, but in the dark the whispers grew louder.

By midnight, the shadows screamed for the truth.

Alexis worked by the light of a moth that clung to the blank wall of their barrack room. They sat hunched at a desk with tweezers and a knife, slow and carefully precise, picking apart the insides of a dissected bomb recovered from the stash in the sewer.

With a delicate touch, they drew out a tiny vial of blue shining liquid and held it to the light of the lantern-moth’s wing--

  *RRRRRING!*

They jerked and saved the falling vial with a catch. The rotary telephone blared twice more before they picked up the receiver with a hesitant hand. “...Hello?”

[Hey, it’s Pallas, are you asleep? Listen, a couple of kids are missing. There’s a woman here at the station who says her granddaughter hasn’t been home since the vigil, and nobody can find her best friend either. Could be runaways, but after what happened today--]

“What are their names?” Alexis interjected. They clutched the receiver until it shook.

[Briony,] said Pallas. [And Runa.]

Alexis closed their eyes. “Runa isn’t missing,” they said. “I know where she is.”

--

“What do you mean she’s with the  artificers?!” Pallas shrieked as soon as Alexis opened the door. She glowered, bristling in the moonlight, like a tiny angry dog in white frills and high boots. She gripped her hoverboard as if debating whether to smack Alexis with it. “We don’t even send  dead  kids to the artificers! What the  hell  is wrong with you!”

Alexis raised a hand in surrender but didn’t move out of the narrow space behind the door. “That was my reaction at first. But I think she’s okay--”

“You  think?!”

“We should talk to Runa,” Alexis ended the conversation while they stepped over the threshold and pulled the door shut, a hoverboard gleaming under their arm. “If she was the last person to see Briony, she’s our only lead. We’ve already lost a day.”

Pallas dropped her hoverboard, stomped on it and folded her arms, her jaw clenched against the spout of insults that stoppered her throat. “So are you gonna get dressed, or are you conducting an interview in your pajamas?”

Alexis glanced down at their soft slippers and matching pawprint fabric. “It isn’t pajamas,” they explained. “It’s a tunic.”

Pallas made a show of rolling her eyes before she glided away down the starlit street.

Alexis swept after her. “It’s not pajamas!” they insisted, echoing in the night.

--

  *knock knock knock*

Alexis waited in front of the ornate wooden door, a glance cast toward Pallas, who stiffened and huffed and bulged her angry eyes as if she might pull her dagger on whoever answered.

Locks clicked and swished one at a time, then the heavy door hushed open. Sebastian stood in the same clothes he’d worn on the beach, backed by the dim flicker of candlelight. Though dark circles weighed heavy under his eyes, he offered a proud and curious smirk.

“Well,” he purred, and tipped his head to see Pallas balling her fists, “isn’t it late for you little birds to be out of bed?”

“Where is she?!”  Pallas wheezed through clenched teeth. “What did you do with her?!”

“Sebastian,” Alexis commanded attention with a slow and even voice, “this is Pallas, a fellow Scythe officer. We’d like to speak with Runa in connection with the disappearance of a young girl.”

“Ah. Runa. She’s sleeping, of course.” Sebastian stepped back with a flourish and opened the door wide. “But I’m sure she won’t mind if we wake her.”

Alexis marched into the smoky gloom, but Pallas hesitated several moments longer, staring into the dark doorway as if it were the hungry mouth of a dragon. But Sebastian quirked an amused eyebrow and Pallas, indignant, stomped stiffly inside.

Her stomach twisted. A knot of bile burned in her throat, and she shivered while the door slipped softly closed behind her.

One side of the wide vaulted room-- its polished wood and empty shelves reminiscent of a repurposed library --paled in the dead blue light of hanging lamps. Upon metal tables lay what remained of the four Light operatives that Kieran had dispatched that afternoon: a severed hand upturned like a dead spider. A leg peeled apart like a flower blossom. A head with its skull exposed, the face lifted away like a facade. It was unclear which parts belonged to which body. Lavender scented candles burned to mask the smell.

“This way,” Sebastian beckoned and strode to the other end of the room, where he rapped a polite knock before easing open a hidden door. “Runa,” he sang softly. “Come on, wake up. You have visitors. You remember Al, don’t you?”

He lifted the cloth from a table lamp teeming with moths, and light bloomed in the grand little room. There were tapestries and lush carpet, a gilded mirror and a polished chestnut wardrobe, and a soft four-poster bed that was far too big for the little girl who slept in it.

Pallas was the last to step inside. Her disgust twisted ugly and furious. While Alexis approached the bedside, Pallas whirled on Sebastian, snatched his collar in a fist and thrust him with a quick forceful  bang  against the door frame. “Is that your bed?” she hissed through a hateful sneer, her sharp eyes close and level with his. “Why is this child in your  bed,  Artificer?”

Sebastian raised his ringed hands in peace, his gaze half-lidded. “One, I’m not using it.” He lifted a lazy finger. “Two, it’s far more comfortable than a corpse slab, which was the other option. She’s just been through a harrowing surgery--”

“What did you do to her?”  Pallas rumbled like thunder.

Sebastian let out a slow, quiet breath. His smirk sharpened cold. “I find your imagination  most  alarming,” he said.

“Alexis?” yawned Runa. She shifted against the overstuffed pillows and rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost one in the morning.” Alexis knelt beside the bed, smiling gently. “I’m sorry for waking you. I brought a friend with me: the person threatening Sebastian right now is officer Pallas. She’s nicer than she looks, don’t worry. How are you feeling?”

“Okay.” Runa offered a tired smile in return, then pressed her palms in the soft mattress and began to sit up.

Alexis jumped, an alarmed hand on her shoulder. “No, no, don’t get up! Your spine--”

“It’s okay!” Runa laughed, and she grinned while she sat up on her own, straight and easy, away from the support of the pillows. “See? I can do it!”

“You’re pushing your luck,” Sebastian warned through a smirk.

Runa wrinkled her nose at him. “You  said  I could!”

“In the morning,” he countered. “The roots haven’t set.”

Through this exchange, Pallas’ grip weakened. The fury in her bared teeth proved harder to maintain while the child showed none of the expected signs of trauma.

Runa huffed a sigh and fell back into the pillows. “It’s  technically  morning,” she grumbled.

Alexis offered her a gentle smile. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Runa. I was worried.” The smile faded just a little. “You still need your rest, so I’ll skip to the reason we’re here so you can go back to sleep. We’d like to ask you about Briony. Could you tell us what you remember about the last time you saw her?”

Runa’s eyes grew wide and she clamped her mouth shut. “She was with me!” she blurted quickly. “We were playing on the hill until way after dawn, and then we saw the lampcatcher coming so she ran home and and that’s all, Briony isn’t a thief, I swear!”

Alexis raised their brows. Pallas stepped curiously closer.

“Runa,” Alexis began carefully while Pallas drew up a chair next to them, “were you and Briony involved in the graffiti on the windmill?”

Runa swallowed. She wiped her sweaty palms on the duvet. “What windmill?”

Pallas, with a pained exhale, sat down and leaned on her knees. “Why do you think we’re here?” she asked kindly.

Runa glanced quickly from Pallas to Alexis and back again, the faces of two Scythe officers both watching her expectantly. “U-um,” she stumbled over her words and squeaked, “stolen paint cans?”

Alexis shook their head slowly. A hand curled into a braced fist. “Runa,” they said gently, and met her guilty eyes with their own, “Briony is missing.”

Runa’s mouth fell open. Her body became completely still, not even a breath, as if she could stop time in the moment before she understood what they meant.

“She can’t be,” Runa whispered, and she shook her head for emphasis. “Not Briony. She’s hiding, she has to be.” She tried a smile, the sheets rumpled in her fists, while hot pressure burned behind her eyes. “I’ll help you find her.”

[embarrassingsmartphonegame]

Anything (Chapter 2) - Nik Ryder x f!MC

Summary: After surviving an attempt on her life, she discovers there are worse fates than dying. And they’re all ice cold. 

Warnings for this chapter: descriptions of depression, excessive alcohol usage, non-explicit sexual content

Link to the previous chapter

==============================================

Three months later.

Nothing.

Nothing.

‘Still nothing.’ Leah groaned as she rolled over to the other side of her queen bed. The other side was cold; she estimated that the woman from the previous night left a few hours prior. What was her name? Something that started with an A: Aisha, Asha, Ashley? Whatever, it didn’t matter. The name of the man from 2 nights ago didn’t, and neither did all the others.

Wordlessly, she got up and walked around her bedroom, shivering as her bare skin made contact with the air. It was already May; why was she always so cold? She considered for a moment packing some broccoli in her lunch because she read somewhere that being cold all the time could mean she was anemic, but she had to rush that morning to get to work on time so no time for lunch.

“Good morning!” she greeted as she entered the office, putting on her usual chipper facade. No one looked up, save for old Rob from accounting who gave her a grunt in response. When she got to her cubicle, she let her face slip into the same old neutral expression and got to work. 

‘Fri-yay,’ she thought to herself sarcastically as she read the latest TGIF email from Janice from HR. Bless her heart for trying to keep morale up in their office. Leah deleted it immediately. More paperwork, more emails, more denying invitations to co-workers’ baby showers. The day passed by in its usual gray, clicking blur. She never did get her broccoli; that would’ve been a wild day if she did.

She got home that day at precisely 5:30pm like she did every other day. At 5:45pm she had her usual small dinner prepared, and at 6:00pm she’d finished eating while mindlessly watching a trashy reality show involving a woman from Brazil coming to the U.S. to marry some ugly guy who still lived with his mother. She snorted at their antics, and the episode and her meal ended quickly. She tried for the millionth time that month to take part in her beloved hobbies again: dance, paint, pluck at the strings of her old violin. 

“Years of violin lessons...these fingers are like lightning!” She slipped the rings off the goblins’ fingers as Nik started an argument to distract them, her mischievous grin never leaving her face.

She pushed down the aching in her chest at the intrusive thought, picking up her bow.

“My mom still plays!” she quipped, strolling with her newfound father through the warm glow of Lamrian.

Leah almost slammed her beloved violin down, but she kept control. She always did. It was only 8:00pm: too early to go to bed and get nightmares again. Wordlessly, she slinked into the only clean dress she had left: a little red number whose bloodstains and memories she knew wouldn’t get noticed in the dark by the other club goers or her. She didn’t want to wear it. But it was either that or a maroon velvet dress with thigh high slits and even more painful memories. She’d meant to throw that maroon dress away, but when she got home 3 months before it was hurriedly buried deep within her closet and she didn’t have the energy to look through it. Piles of dirty laundry were scattered through the floor of her room and she pushed them under the bed in a sorry attempt to make it look somewhat presentable. She lined her eyes with black eyeshadow and eyeliner and slipped into some heels before leaving her apartment.

Nothing.

She woke up with the red dress on the floor the next morning, her bed thankfully cold and empty again. It always was annoying if someone tried to stay, but she was now usually able to go after the ones who wouldn’t. But something was different this time; her phone was buzzing. She groaned, thinking it was her another courtesy invite to a baby shower. To her relief, it was a text from Kristin, and she read and responded to it through squinting, hangover afflicted eyes:

Kristin: heyyyyy bestie! surprise, I’m coming to your town tonight! I miss you xx

Leah: Huh way to give me a heads up, bitch! Lol jk, I miss you too and you know I’m not busy. Dinner and drinks later?

Kristin: you know it babe

Leah suddenly remembered it was Saturday, so she didn’t have to go to work that day and deal with the endless indifference of corporate life. Her thighs sore and bruised from the previous night, she slipped on a large white t-shirt and silently headed to her kitchen. There wasn’t much; she hadn’t gone grocery shopping in 10 days and used the last of her groceries for dinner the previous night. She sat at her small dining room table, stirring her usual cinnamon into her coffee and flipping through the messages of that week: a picture of Cal and Donny on a fishing trip, a sample of Vera’s latest song, Katherine talking about her latest catch. A rare genuine smile graced her features as she responded to all of them, making sure to apologize for taking a week and a half to respond...again. She tried to warm herself up with the coffee and cinnamon combination, and she hugged herself without much success.

The rest of the day passed by slowly, and the only productive thing she did was throw her giant pile of dirty laundry in one washing machine and then the dryer. Who cared if the clothes weren’t supposed to be washed together? Certainly not Leah. Pretty soon it was 10:00pm and she stood in front of the one club in her small town waiting for Kristin.

“Leahhhh!!!” Kristin squealed and ran over, pulling her into a tight hug. Leah inhaled sharply; she may have healed very fast and the skin was nowhere close to being open, but the scars were still slightly tender to the touch. She told all her hookups she had open heart surgery as a child, and they never questioned it. She hugged Kristin back and bit back a groan of pain. 

“Kristin!! I’m so happy to see you!” And she meant it. She actually meant it, especially after she almost lost her because of the...she shook her head, willing those memories away. Ignoring the stinging on her chest, she hugged Kristin tighter, jumping up and down a little. “So why exactly are you here?”

“What? I can’t just see my best friend?” Leah raised an eyebrow, but she let it go. Asking Kristin to explain anything she did was like asking a fish to explain astrophysics in Latin. Last time she tried was junior year of college and Leah would never get those 45 nonsensical minutes of her life back. It wasn’t unusual behavior for her to take a random trip to see her over the years anyway.

“You’re right, let’s get some shots in us!” Leah and Kristin hopped over to the bar, and pretty soon there was a line of tequila glittering in the darkness. Music blared out of large speakers, vibrating in their ears. They each clinked a shot glass together and knocked it back. Leah immediately felt warm and dizzy and her face flushed, since she hadn’t eaten anything that day. In fact, she didn’t remember much of what she did that day...or really the past few days. 

Leah laughed as Kristin launched into a story from something weird that happened to her back in New York, and pretty soon the line of shots was empty with Leah drinking most of it in a span of 15 minutes. The rest of the night passed in a blur. Random men kept buying them drinks and Leah kept chugging them, unconsciously desperate to feel that warm and dizzying effect some more. It felt like she was drifting off into space as she danced with some guy named JT or whoever who worked for ClickIt. She swayed to the music and let him run his lips across her neck and bend her over without a care in the world. Nothing, nothing, nothing mattered to her at that moment. Nothing. Until she felt soft hands pulling her away and dragging her through the crowd and away from the shouting man behind her. She blearily looked at whoever was pulling her, and she was surprised to see it was Kristin with an uncharacteristically sober, serious look on her face. 

“Yeesh, Kristin, since when have you been the one to cockblooooock?” Leah joked, her words slurred. Kristin led her to a quieter corner with a free couch and sat her down. To her surprise, Leah felt Kristin tugging at her dress, and she realized that she was actually placing it back over her chest. And she was too drunk to worry about her scar showing.

“I think you’ve had enough,” Kristin said, holding her by the shoulders.

Leah snorted. “Good one.”

“Leah, seriously, I never say this. But you’ve had enough.” Kristin swiped the drink from her hand that she didn’t even realize she was holding (and spilling on herself).

“Hey, what the hell! What’s gotten into you?” Leah pouted.

“Uhhhh what’s gotten into you is more like it! You’ve been acting really weird these past few months and we’re all worried!”

“‘We?’”

“Me and Vee. You’re not yourself,” Kristin explained, gazing into her brown eyes intensely. Leah inhaled sharply.

“What are you talking about? I’m still Leah! Come on, Kristin, I’m just having fun!”

“No you’re not.”

“What?”

“Honestly, Leah, I know I’m your party queen friend, but we’ve also been best friends since we were 18. I know you’re not having fun because your smile is sooo fake and it’s only because of the alcohol. And that guy you just kissed? Totally not your type.”

“Well ok fine maybe I’m having a midlife crisis or something. Been invited to too many baby showers and shit,” muttered Leah, her drunken brain letting words slip out.

“You’re 25!”

“I could die at 50!” ‘Technically did die at 25,’ she thought bitterly as she tried to reach for her drink in Kristin’s hand, but her best friend held it away from her.

“Seriously, Leah, this isn’t you!” declared Kristin, shaking her a little.

“What isn’t me?!” Leah started shouting, frustrated.

“All of this! The responses to texts that take weeks, the fact that you don’t play the violin anymore, the fact that you’re so goddamn skinny now! Leah, I think you really need help,” Kristin pleaded, her warm puppy dog eyes glimmering in the darkness.

“Kristin, really, I’m fine. I’m just busy with work, that’s all.” Even in her drunken state, Leah knew she was deflecting. 

“At that job you hate and put minimal effort into? You really expect me to believe that? I know this is about how you got attacked in New Orleans.”

“Don’t,” whispered Leah, a chill running down her spine. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Did you forget I got mugged and was in the hospital for a week? I still have no idea what happened, but I can tell you I get it more than you think.” Guilt flashed through Leah’s throbbing mind as she recalled Kristin pale and prone in that alleyway before she ran to try to evade the bloodwraith. If it weren’t for her being around, Kristin wouldn’t have gotten hurt. It was all her fault. Leah stayed silent.

Kristin continued. “I know you. You thought since you almost died, you should stop taking risks, stop putting your own life in danger. You stopped being your usual brave, chaotic self. So you ran back to Wyoming—which, may I remind you, you only came back here after college to care for your dad and he’s gone now. You hate your job, you hate where you live, you don’t even talk to your mom anymore; why are you still here? And don’t tell me it’s because you can’t find work anywhere else; I know you haven’t tried yet. I thought you wanted things to be different this year.”

Leah flinched at the mention of her dad—no, stepdad. It was true. She did come back to care for him after college, but he eventually succumbed to the cancer after years of her caring for him. She and her mom were never close in the first place, and she definitely couldn’t face her after Elric. “Ok maybe I decided to play it safe from now on. What’s wrong with that? I was too reckless in New Orleans and that’s what almost got me killed.”

“What’s wrong is you’re contradicting yourself.” Kristin gestured at the rest of the club. “Playing it safe yet you’re constantly here and getting drunk and sleeping with a new person almost every night for the last month. I know you haven’t been eating well and you haven’t been talking to your friends as much. You’re literally depressed now, and I can’t stand by and let you go on like this.”

“...Maybe you have a point,” she finally conceded, running a hand through her hair. It was no use arguing. “But I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what exactly I’m running from.”

“Love.”

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about. You fell in love and you’re scared. When I saw you in New Orleans with that Nik guy, I haven’t seen you that alive in years.” Leah froze at Kristin’s unintentionally poor choice of words, but then rolled her eyes. She had no idea there was more, even if a small, buried deep part of her admitted Nik was part of the reason she left. Leah pushed down her last happy memory of them dancing on the float at Mardi Gras.

“Kristin, I knew him for a week.” And what a hell of a week that was. “Sure he was hot, but it was clearly just a fling. Come on, you know I’m not that stupid.”

“I’m not saying you’re stupid and this is just about a guy. But you are running away from things. Come on, can you really say you’re happy here?”

For the first time in months, she inadvertently let warm tears roll down her cheeks and sobs catch in her throat, and she had never felt more human, more alive since leaving New Orleans. Kristin wrapped her arms around her and let her cry as some new pop song about being in love with a liar blared from the speakers of the bar. Leah leaned into the familiarity of it all, feeling like a 19-year-old getting her heart broken for the first time again. This time she was a heartbroken 25-year-old pondering how her life turned out this way. As her sobs turned to hiccups, she thought about how lucky she was to have a friend like Kristin, who’d been calling her out on all her bullshit since day one. The two stayed in the corner for a few more hours, allowing them to catch up more.

At around 4am she and Kristin parted ways, promising to stay in touch better. Kristin gave her a weary look as she headed back to her hotel. Leah stumbled back into her apartment and into her bed, alone for the first time in a month. She wrapped herself in a ball in a blanket and closed her eyes. 

Crrrkkk!

Leah’s eyes snapped open. With trembling hands, she took out the baseball bat from under her bed and poised it up in her arms, ready to take on whoever was breaking into her apartment. She stalked as quietly as she could (which was not very) outside of her bedroom and turned the lights on in her living room to see if anyone--or anything--was there. The bat clanged to the floor as her eyes took in the figure in front of her. 

“...Father?!”

==============================================

Tagging: @furiouscloddonutpeanut @nighthunterkatherine @saivilo @samara-rani @god-save-the-keen  @xxdangerouscapri15xx 

A/N: Lol so how about that Nightbound finale? I personally got frustrated with both the fact that it’s a standalone and how they handled Nik and MC’s diamond ending where MC basically begs Nik to love them and all of a sudden things are okay. Of course this fic is taking some liberties (mainly because I wrote the first chapter before the finale) for that added drama. Also yes, MC almost hooked up with TJ from LoveHacks because I can’t think of anything more embarrassing. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter! Next chapter I promise we’ll see our favorite cursed Nighthunter. I don’t know how fast I’ll update this, since I’m moving and starting medical school soon, but writing is my stress relief and I’ll try my best to make it not too long.