#i might go into more depth on my thoughts if i have energy later or if someone asks

[dangoulains-devotion]

yuffie has many interesting elements to her but people refuse to move past "i find energetic kids annoying" and it makes me sad

[the-teapot-collection]

i refuse to believe that doflamingo was ‘born evil’ because i refuse to believe that anyone can be born anything. i think people can be born predisposed to certain traits, but that children behave as they are taught, and when he becomes ‘evil’ is when he’s an adult that has never reflected on and altered his behavior.

this is probably in some part projection as someone that had some learned behaviors i had to unlearn in like high school, but i stand by it.

[tteokdoroki]

nagi has beef with any of your pets cuz why do they get to lay around all day but he doesn’t :(

*ੈ🌩️‧₊˚— feline foe + seishiro nagi.

૮˶ᵕ ༝ᵕ˶ა synopsis — strangers to enemies except it’s nagi and your pet cat.

⭑ warnings — please read + mdni ! characters aged up to 20s, fluff, semi-smutty, mentions of sex, suggestive towards the end, dry humping, owning a cat lol, the cat walks in on you, established relationship, pro player!nagi, fem!reader - not beta read !

⭑ words — 2K.

⭑ notes — thank u lambie for sending me this ! i thought it was too cute an idea not to write! also i queued this to post on nagi’s bday so happy bday to my bf <3!! enjoy! - m.list ✩

it might sound vain, but nagi was sure that before it arrived, he was the centre of your universe.

he had all of your attention, always. you went out of your way to bring him lunches at the stadium during practices and helped him drink water or energy drinks on the pitch at his games because you liked to believe that it would bring him good luck and he let you. his teammates heave with jealousy each and every time.

when your days were done, you’d let nagi settle his head in your lap while you brush back his hair and scratch at his scalp — letting him game to his heart's content in your company. nagi might have been pampered too and much to the point where he expected to have all of your attention… so he doesn’t quite understand why all of it shifts to a brand new presence in your lives. 

your cat. 

miruku. milk.

it’s a ridiculous name for an animal, nagi thinks, it’s a pest. annoying. but he couldn’t say no to you when you’d brought the stray cream-coloured kitty home, soaked in rain from where you’d chased it around his apartment complex trying to bring it inside. if he said no to you, that would’ve been another issue in itself — and nagi hated when you fought. it was bothersome having you play silent treatment.

so you keep it, the kitten, and everything changes for seishiro nagi. for the worst.

miruku can do everything nagi isn’t allowed to nd gets away with it as well. he raids the fridge if you leave it open, doesn’t have to pay to replenish it because of course cats don’t have income. he wakes you up at ungodly hours for playtime which usually consists of you sitting on the edge of the bed and kicking around a ball of yarn for the kitty to play with. it’s irritating for nagi, having your warmth stolen away from him and pulling him out of the depths of slumber by your lack of presence— all because the stupid cat wants to play ball and you just can’t seem to say no to it. 

the feline that’s suspiciously close to looking like your boyfriend if he were to be an animal is also allowed to sleep in. miruku naps where he pleases, in the linen closet, the corner of the kitchen where the water pipes run hot, on top of the drier and especially by the front door where he trips up nagi on the way in from practices. it’s like the cat is purposely trying to make the pro-player’s life even more difficult than it’s meant to be and you find it’s every single movement adorable. 

the worst place miruku could possibly nap is seishiro’s favourite spot— on your chest. nuzzled against your boobs on a warm sunday afternoon where your boyfriend should be, where your boyfriend should be making you giggle by sucking hickies into your neck while he thumbs at the skin underneath your breasts. he should be suckling on the sweet expanse of your skin lazily, working you up just enough to offer yourself up to appease seishiro’s insatiable appetite.

and its so sick that he can’t because of your pampered little pet. you’d just brush him off and tell him ‘you’ll get your turn later, sei,’ which makes nagi hate that stupid fucking cat even more than anything.

you don’t ever let seishiro sleep in these days, ripping the blankets from his tall frame every morning with a slice of toast hanging from between your pretty lips as you say. “get up sei, wake up for me, baby.” you coo sweetly, briefly letting go of your breakfast to kiss his forehead before you rush out of the door. “i won’t be happy if isagi or reo have to wake you up for practice. ‘kay?”

“mmm…lil’ longer. please angel.” he groans but you weave your fingers through his snow white locks to scratch at his scalp before you tug on them slightly. 

“up. seishiro nagi. i’ll see you later!” the tone you use is warning, and prompts nagi to shift int he sheets to get out of bed. 

he huffs, stretching his limbs a little too similarly to your kitty companion before the realisation hits— miruku is laying in your spot, comfy and cosy. sleeping. and it only pisses him off more. that should be him.

“you’re a pain.” seishiro narrows his eyes at the snoozing feline, scratching it under the chin and the twitch of miruku’s ears tells him that he’s been acknowledged as a rival. 

so be it. 

“how come this cat gets away with everythin’ ‘nd i don’t?”

nagi whines into your neck, watching with darkened and narrowed eyes as his feline opponent hops up onto the couch to join you both in your late night cuddle session. miruku makes his presence known, pushing his head under your chin affectionately and clawing at the fluffy blanket draped over you and your boyfriend. you obviously find it adorable, your hands slipping from seishiro’s soft white hair to tickle just behind your pet’s ear— completely discarding the man tucked into your side. 

“what are you talking about, sei?” you mumble absentmindedly — missing the way the striker squirms in his seat and squeezes you close by the waist, as if to pull you away from the offending kitty.

seishiro grumbles out a response. “he gets to sleep in, but when i do it, it’s a bother. same for when he gets in the fridge too, and when i nap on top of you—“

“stop complaining about him, sei. miruku is just a baby!” you scold your boyfriend, hugging your kitten to your chest, cooing down at him as if he really is a baby. nagi seethes from beside you, that should be him in your arms and not some cat-like freeloader from the streets. miruku blinks up at the white-haired pro player slowly, his mouth opening in a petty meow that almost makes nagi hiss back in response. 

“i’m supposed to be your baby.”

“and you are! but you’re just a little more self-sufficient than my precious lil’ kitty— he needs me to take care of him.” 

“why don’t you just take care of me? cats are s’pposed to be independent,” seishiro nuzzles into your neck, his lips still pouty against your skin and you’d be a liar to say you weren’t overwhelmed with affection for your two boys. “‘n looking after the two of us must be a drag…” 

rolling your eyes, you turn your head to capture nagi in a surprise chaste kiss just to sate him— brushing your lips over his delicately. “i do take care of you, seishiro. some might say you’re a little spoilt with how much i do,” smiling into the kiss, you scratch your nails through his scalp in the way that he likes, a lot similar to your feline friend before jumping up from the couch with a clap of your hands. “now which one of my boys is hungry?”

miruku is promptly shooed to the floor beside a frustrated nagi left without your warmth. the pair share a brief moment of eye contact as your boyfriend runs a hand over his face in annoyance. 

“i hate you.”

“meow.”

the final straw for nagi is the night your cat makes it into the bedroom while you’re having sex. 

he’s pent up, training has been more intensive than usual and all he wants to do is come home and lose himself in you. you let him, falling into the sheets with seishiro nagi, your hands lost in his sea of perfectly soft white hair, your mouth on his, your legs wrapped around the small of his waist as he sinks into you for the first time in a long time. you share a moan, muffled by nagi’s tongue working it’s way down your throat and his entire body weight thrown over you. 

somehow he manages to tear through your clothes, tongue hungrily lapping over your pert nipples while you tug his aching cock free from the confines of his shorts. tears sting at your waterline as nagi presses into your cunt without much prep. he’s so big, you feel as though he might already be kissing your cervix without even moving and you tug hard on his hair at the feeling of nagi twitching within your walls.

“s-sei, god. fill me up s’good—!”

he cuts you off with a throaty moan, eyes rolling back as he gives an experimental thrust. “s’no fair…s’pretty. so tight around me, fuck, angel…”

the moment is perfect, he’s dizzy with love and desire and all caught up in the heat it all… that is until your stupid fucking cat starts screaming bloody murder from outside your locked door. 

“leave it,” seishiro grunts, pawing at your sides and languidly rolling his hips into yours. “s’probably nothin’, angel.” 

you gasp and nod, delirious with ecstasy and pull him closer but miruku seems to whine again— scratching pathetically at the door. “sei, what if—?” 

“he’s fine, jus’ focus on me, pretty thing.” and for the most part you try, you let nagi have his way with you— let him pin you to the bed and make you see galaxies and you’re both about to burst when he swears to the fucking stars he feels that cat’s paw between his balls. 

he doesn’t remember what happens next, just that he sees red or turns it and you are equally as embarrassed— shuffling out of the room to deal with your pesky cat, draped in one of sei’s spare hoodies. 

that’s when nagi decides he’s had enough. 

his final plan isn’t to get rid of miruku but instead to steal your attention away from the dumb animal. 

nagi puts a little more effort into cleaning up himself and the house for you once he gets back from practice at blue lock ( after multiple face times to barou and isagi, reo and others ). he stops by a flower shop and puts together an arrangement that he thinks you’ll like because the colours remind him so much of you. 

when you come home, your eyes light up at the bouquet on your sparkling countertops and the sight of your boyfriend lounging around in your kitchen on his phone. “baby, did you get these for me?” you swoon. 

“yeah. on the way back from practice i went to that flower shop you always talk about.”

“sei, that’s not even on the way home,” you smile and his heart flutters in his chest. “you didn’t have to go out of your way for me.”

nagi bristles with happiness as you make your way into his arms of your own accord and hide your face in his toned chest. “i’d do anything for you, angel,” he mumbled into your hairline and uses a finger to tilt your head up for a gentle kiss, quickly distracting you from miruku who’s jumped up onto the counter. “missed you, s’much.” he knows exactly what he’s doing when he presses his cock between your thighs, dropping his lips to your neck wetly. 

“m-missed you too, sei but…gotta feed the cat…” 

your kitten purrs at your side but seishiro rolls you over, nailing your hips down to the countertops and grinds into you feverishly. his plan is working. 

“no buts, need you. god… s’not fair bein’ away from you f’so long. baby…fuck.” he’s whiny and needy, grabbing handfuls of your ass to slide you back and forth on his growing erection so that you become putty in his hands. you’re so lightheaded that you don’t even hear your cat meowing for your attention— clinging onto nagi’s broad shoulders for dear life. “unless you want me to stop?”

you blink up at your boyfriend, teary eyed and ravenous— for once not reaching out instinctively to pet miruku but instead reaching up to tug on seishiro’s soft snowball locks and bring him down to your height. “i don’t want you to stop, seishiro,” you growl, your voice dipping into sensual and sultry territory. “i want you to fuck me.” 

“can do, angel.” he coos, letting you drag him by the hand towards your shared bedroom.

nagi throws a smug look over his shoulder at your unhappy cat, grinning from ear to ear as miruku hisses at him in defeat.

nagi: 1 - miruku: 0

[pressureplus]

I actually have this request in my head for a while now... but I'm not sure if you be up to do it so thank to let me know if you will do it or not. Fem! Reader who is happily married and live together with Sebastian (when he still human). Until, Sebastian was arrested and sentence to dead. Reader found no long after his dead that she was pregnant. Years later, Sebastian manage to escape Hadal Blacksite probably very injured in the process. He was soon spotted by the kid that look similar to his human self (the kid probably be now close to be a teenager now), as the kid call up their mother. Sebastian was shocked to see his wife come to view.

I'm looking 👀

Love this dramatic shit, I'm SO here for it!

I'm going to be referring to your son as S/N, so y'all can name your boy yourselves! (I'm real interested in the stuff you might choose, so if you wanna put them in the replies, I'd love to see your baby names!)

Smaller Hands

Pairing: Sebastian Solace x Fem!Reader

Au: [Unnamed]

Warnings: Mentions of Pregnancy, an Absent Father, injury, and Imprisonment

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟

He had been running a very long time before he got to where he was now.

Escaping the Blacksite was only the beginning of his long, long journey home. He had wrestled himself from the depths of the deep ocean and fought his way all the way up to the light far, far above him.

Breaking through the surface of the water had provided him with a hope he never thought he'd see truly grow into something he could really hold. Sunlight and open air and a horizon that stretched endlessly in every direction... Sebastian hadn't known freedom in over 10 years, but there it was.

The way the natural light caught the glint of his wedding ring had him already tearing through the water with a grin, energy back in his tired body. It certainly wasn't his original ring, no, that one wouldn't fit on his new, much larger hand anymore, but the replacement that he got so he could wear a ring on his hand and not just as a pendant was enough of a visual reminder of his love, sending him treading the water the way this body was made to do. He had to get to his wife.

He had to see his Y/N again. That's always what his efforts were for.

It was days before he even reached a beach, and weeks of dragging himself through the shadows and the alleyways, keeping himself out of sight. He would squint at road maps and try to figure out how he was going to get himself home, not very well able to get on the public transport or drive himself there with a body like this. He had to be more than a little creative with how he was going to cross the countless miles between his lover and himself if he wanted to make it there at all. He'd spend his seemingly endless days hopping trains and swimming rivers just to close the distance faster, like it may wash away the last decade he's had to go without her.

Sebastian could only hope she waited for him, though those chances were next to none. She had been there the day he was 'executed', watching him get taken back to the chair that was supposed to put his story to its end. She has every right and reason to think he died that day, and he could never be angry or upset if she decided she still needed to be held the way his other hands used to hold her... Would these hands even fit her anymore? They'd outgrown his first ring... Would they be too big to hold hers anymore? The painful thought was a reoccurring one, and it plagued every dream he had in the moments he would manage to rest.

He's nearing his old cottage now, beaten and scarred from the long trip home, more than a little bit tired and definitely hungry. He's barely going to make it if he manages to get to the doorstep at all, but more thankful than ever he'd made his home with her outside of the city and out into the woods so he might have a moment to his thoughts. He could very well find her with another man, or he could find a completely new family, or even find nothing but flowers and trees- The life that he made with her could be all but ashes on a breeze that swept this place years ago. She could be a memory and this could all be for nothing just as easily as anything else. He wouldn't even have a right to be angry... He wouldn't even feel a right to cry if she's decided to move on.

"SNAKE MAN! SNAKE MAN!!!"

He's shaken from his pondering by an unfamiliar voice, a starry eyed child fumbling out of the bushes like a little animal.

He nearly panics and flees before the brave, feral little boy reaches out for his hand and looks up at him like something right out of a story book- Which, he supposed may be fair given the way that he looks now.

"Are you a forest monster!? Do you grant wishes and eat people and stuff?!" It's clear the boy doesn't know fear, young and small still, with new eyes... But familiar ones.

Sebastian's heart drops into his stomach when he begins to recognize the thick, dark hair and deep brown eyes. This boy is the spitting image of the way he looked when he was around 10 or 11... It's like he's been pulled right from Sebastian's old childhood photos.

Too dumbfounded to speak, Sebastian stands there, every muscle in his body tense while his eyes flick around the boy's face trying to figure out how this could be.

"S/N! What are you doing talking to strangers, you were supposed to be at least playing in the yard and not the woods before the sun started setting." Y/N rounds the trees with a stubborn look on her face and immediately freezes when her gaze meets Sebastian's.

The air is knocked out of the both of them, leaving them only able to stare, and he notes the way she's remained nearly the same as the day that he was forced to leave her behind. Like a flower that never wilts, she stands as beautiful and as amazing as she was when he had first met her. Frozen with an expression he can't place, she makes no motion to do anything at all. The larger man acts first at the realization she must be frightened of him, going to put his two unheld hands up and open his mouth to explain himself-

"You said not to talk to strangers, this is CLEARLY a forest monster." Little S/N beats both of them to the punch and confirms to Sebastian all at once that his attitude is as strong in his blood as that unruly dark hair is.

"Heed your mother, would you? I could very well eat you." Sebastian ushers the child forward with a playful threat, the boy in reference pouting and looking back up at him.

"Come on, I'm only out a little bit late! It's not dark yet! Monsters only eat people in the dark." The boy argues, unfamiliar with the idea of real danger, it seems, but certain of himself the way only children really can be.

"Sebastian I can't believe it... Is it you? Am I losing my mind?" Putting the scolding and corrections on her son's statements off for a better time, Y/N looks up at the mutated form of her lover, hoping she might be right. When Y/N speaks, it's soft and uncertain, a hand going to rest on her child's shoulder so as not to lose him while she's distracted.

"You recognize me?" His heart practically jumps into his throat and he struggles to cope with how quickly she's guessed it was him.

"If not for the way one soul knows another, then for your voice and... Our ring." Unafraid just as well, she walks right up to the towering creature and brings her hand up to the necklace it's strung onto around his neck.

"Am I too late?" Sebastian asks, still scared.

"You're late, but never too much. You had better come home now though." She gets firm near the end and he laughs, melting.

"Awe that's no fair! I'm in trouble for being a few minutes late and he gets to be gone forever!" The boy whines and Y/N seems to laugh when she ruffles his hair.

"You can be out of trouble because it's a special day. Now, let's go home and get you to bed." Y/N's eyes stray back up to her husband, the fondness that was there in those beautiful eyes he fell in love with was something that had grown blurry and hard to recall until now. The way her gaze rested on him so softly brought him back like he'd never left in the first place.

"I think I have some things to talk about with your monster, here." She smiles at him and goes to slide her hand into his, the cold feeling against his palm of her own ring -the matching one to his from the promise that they'd made at that altar a long time ago- made him feel warm again, and made him feel alive.

"Yes, I've got a lot of things I've been waiting to tell her for these years we've spent apart."

[vaporvipermedia]

My Rook Headcanons

[Mostly about his body]

Finally..my time has come.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

We all know that I have to start off with my Fox Beastman!Rook agenda. Even when he’s presenting himself in human form, people can see that his teeth are not normal. Having four sharp canines that peeks out whenever he smiles. Since too many people have noticed, he just resorts to more affiliative smiles.

The reason why Rook wants to hide his beastman traits was for the thrill of and excitement of people finding out who he truly is after all this time. Like: “Hmm, what if I just gaslight my friends into thinking that I’m fully human only for them to find out later that I was actually a beastman? Wouldn’t that be quite silly? Very mischievous if you will?”

He’d like to imagine their expressions switch into complete shock and surprise. Eyebrows raised, mouth agape he’d think it would be such a wonderful surprise. Thinking their reactions would be absolutely beautiful

His potion making skills are very exceptional to say the least but it took a lot of trial and error. Getting some chemical burns when messing with test-run potions.

Although the potion Rook created hides his more visible fox features, his ears and tail do come back whenever he gets too excited or gets a major spike of energy. Something that Rook never thought would happen. [That's why he’s scarily good at controlling his heart rate. He trained his body in order to make sure his features remained hidden.]

Ok, say it with me now. THIS. MAN. HAS. SCARS‼️‼️ This man would not have so much flawless skin while being a hunter. It’s frankly impossible. From nasty tumbles, to possible encounters with wild creatures, ANYTHING!

I feel like Rook picked his skin a lot as a child. Especially scabs. Leaving some permanent marks on his body. He probably did this due to the stress of going out into the forest, wondering what might try to attack him.

Dimples…I don’t have to go in depth with this. We both know we are on the same track here. He has dimples whenever he smiles. It’s there. It’s visible. Let’s move on before I go insane.

Listen…Listen…He has a birthmark on his lower back that looks like the Orion Constellation. IT JUST FITS! CMON!

Rook’s hair is actually a little bit curly and got it from his father’s side. But most of the time he tries new hairstyles to give himself more variety. That variety involves him straightening his hair sometimes.😭😭

BUT AS A BONUS IF HIS HAIR GETS WET HIS CURLS WILL POP OUT! SO THAT’S A WIN!

[Clutching my fist in anger] FRECKLES! FRECKLES DUSTING HIS CHEEKS AND BODY! THEY EXIST THEY ARE THERE! I KNOW THEY ARE!

Tans easily during the summer. [Got that from his mother] His hat can only do so much.

Hear me out. I’d like to think that a piece of his ring finger is gone due to an incident with a beastman child when he was younger. And instead of being afraid of that event, that drove him to becoming more interested towards beastmen behaviors. So his ring finger is a constant reminder of his curiosity and that very incident.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Whew…ok now I can pass away peacefully. Thank you for listening to my mad man ramblings. Well, actually you had no choice in the matter since I hunted you down inside of your own house.-

But nevermind that! You’re free to go.☺️🫶

[srvbryn]

Luke Castellan. A shot of espresso

Not set in riordanverse & FLUFF — MASTERLIST

Luke Castellan X immortal!reader

Summary: he wants to be immortal with her, she wants to relinquish her immortal to be normal with him

Warning: a decade timeskip, literally a bed time story, this one is so boring and long + a lot of dialogues A LOT

"I want to be with you, forever. I can't bear the thought of a life without you."

Your gaze met his, sorrow reflecting in your eyes. "But, Luke, you don't understand. Immortality comes with a price. I've seen civilizations rise and fall, loved and lost countless times. I don't want you to endure the pain that eternity brings."

He grabbed your hands, desperation etched on his face. "I don't care about the pain. I want to be with you, face everything together. I want to be by your side for all of eternity."

A bitter smile played on your lips. "Eternity is a heavy burden, Luke. Mortals live vibrant lives, but immortals watch those lives fade away. I don't want you to sacrifice your fleeting existence for me."

Anger flashed across his features. "My existence means nothing without you. I want more than just a short life. I want a forever with you."

A heavy silence fell, and the weight of an impossible decision hung between you.

Finally, you spoke, your voice strained. "Luke, I love you too much to let you make such a sacrifice. Mortality brings beauty in its brevity."

His eyes filled with frustration and anger. "I don't want a short-lived beauty. I want a timeless love with you. I'll find a way to make it work, to be with you."

Tears welled in your eyes as you pulled away. "You can't comprehend the weight of eternity, Luke. It's not a fairy tale. It's an endless journey, filled with pain and loneliness."

His voice grew desperate, "I don't care. I want to be with you."

"You're not thinking clearly," you whispered, your voice strained. "I've seen the consequences of immortality. It's not a gift — it's a curse."

Luke's frustration boiled over, and he snapped, "I don't care about the curse. I care about you. I can't imagine a life without you by my side."

A tear trickled down your cheek as you admitted, "I want to give up my immortality. I want to live a normal life with you, experience the short joys and pains of mortality."

He shook his head, refusing to accept your choice. "No, we can find another way. There has to be a solution that allows us to be together."

Your voice softened, a mix of love and sadness. "Luke, sometimes love means making the most painful choices. I want to live a mortal life with you, not bound by the weight of eternity."

He slumped, defeated, realizing the depth of your decision. "I love you, but I can't bear the thought of losing you."

You pulled him into an embrace, whispering words of comfort. "I love you too, Luke. Let's savor the time we have together, even if it's not forever."

— love sometimes requires letting go, even if it means relinquishing immortality or embracing mortality.

A decade had passed since you chose to give up your immortality to live a normal life with him.

The small town you both called home now echoed with a child's laughter, a testament to your blossoming love.

The modest house you shared held the warmth of a home filled with memories.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting hues of orange and pink across the sky, you sat on the porch, watching your child play in the yard.

Luke joined you, his arm wrapping around your shoulders. "Our life might not be eternal, but it's certainly full of love."

You smiled, leaning into his embrace. "I wouldn't trade it for anything."

Your child ran over, a vibrant bundle of energy. "Mom! Dad! Look what I found!"

You both turned your attention to the little one, who proudly displayed a handful of wildflowers.

Luke ruffled their hair, a proud smile on his face. "Those are beautiful, just like you."

As evening settled in, you gathered around the dinner table — a treasure you wouldn't trade for the world.

Later, as you tucked your child into bed, they looked up at you with wide eyes. "Will you tell me a story, mom?"

You chuckled, sitting on the edge of their bed. “Once, in a small town nestled between rolling hills and whispering forests, there lived a family unlike any other. Mom, Dad, and their child lived in a warm, loving home.

You see, a long time ago, Mom was an immortal being, someone who had seen centuries unfold like the pages of a story.

But one day, she met Dad, a brave and kind-hearted mortal. Their love was so strong that Mom decided to give up her immortality to share a mortal life with Dad.

From that choice blossomed a life filled with laughter, joy, and love. The house echoed with the patter of little feet, and the yard was always alive with the sound of playful giggles.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, Mom, Dad, and the little one would gather on the porch.

The sky would paint itself with colors, and the world would hush into the magic of the evening. Dad would wrap his arm around Mom, and they would share stories of adventures and love.

In the yard, wildflowers grew, each petal holding a piece of the family's happiness.

The little one, a ball of energy and curiosity, would find treasures in the grass, such as the time they proudly returned with a handful of wildflowers as beautiful as the love that surrounded them.

At bedtime, when the stars sparkled like diamonds in the night sky, Mom would sit by the little one's bed. "Once upon a time," she would begin, "there was an immortal who chose to embrace mortality for the love of a mortal. And in that choice, they found a lifetime of joy, love, and the beauty of fleeting moments."

The little one's eyes would grow heavy with the magic of the story, drifting into dreams filled with love, warmth, and the gentle whispers of a life well-lived.

And so, in that little town, under the watchful gaze of a starlit sky, this extraordinary family created their own enchanting bedtime stories—a tale of love that transcended the boundaries of time, and a reminder that the most magical moments are often found in the simplest joys of life.

Goodnight, little one. Sweet dreams in the embrace of a love that lasts a lifetime.”

Your child's eyes drooped with sleep, a contented smile on their face. As you left the room, you found Luke waiting in the hallway, his gaze filled with gratitude.

"We created something beautiful, didn't we?" Luke whispered.

You nodded, intertwining your fingers with his. "Our own little eternity within the finite."

[from-the-clouds]

texas sun - joel miller x f!reader - vol. xiv

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist | previous chapter | chapter summary: The final chapter pairing: joel miller x f!reader words: 9.2k (I love being insane) chapter warnings: SMUT (18+only) - unprotected sex. Insecurity/Jealousy. Angst/arguments. Discussions of death, blood and injuries. Alcohol & Marijuana use. Fluff. Bisexual reader (happy pride ya'll!). As always please dm for more specifics. a/n: This could probs use another round of proofreading but it would've delayed this even longer sooooo.... Here we go! I feel pretty emo right now and I might make a more in-depth post about my thoughts at a later date bc I just finished writing this in a hot daze so I can't put all my thoughts coherently together. But I just wanna say thank you to everyone who supported and gave love to this story. This is by far the most popular fic I've ever written, and I don't really know how? Or what I did to deserve all the love but I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. Thank you for sticking with me through all the angst and delayed updates and everything. I'll never forget you and I'll never forget Joel x Reader!! Thank you so much, I hope the finale lives up to your expectations! ❤️

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I’m not the kind of man who tends to socialize I seem to lean on old familiar ways….

-May 16, 2024-

“Are you sure you’re okay if I leave you here alone?” 

Ethan’s voice jolts you out of a daze, and you blink your eyes open, realizing that you’d dozed off while sitting upright in a patio chair, the cheesy romance novel you’d been reading still lying open on your lap. Turning to look over your shoulder, you find him standing with one foot on the deck, and one foot still inside, cut in half by the sliding glass door.

Clearing your throat, you straighten up and nod. “Of course. I’ll be fine.”

Ethan studies you carefully, like he’s not entirely convinced. He’s been hesitant to leave you alone unless it’s absolutely necessary – only stepping away from the house to go on patrol shifts and to bring home meals from the mess hall. Recovery has made you feel like a burden to him – to all your friends in the community, really. Everyone….well, almost everyone, has been supportive, but you’ve never been comfortable being openly vulnerable.

Unfortunately, it’s too hard to deny the pain that you’ve been in since the accident, the trouble you have getting around, the exhaustion that clings no matter how many long naps and twelve-hour nights of sleep you get. According to the doctors, being so tired is just part of recovery – rest is important, but the concoction of pain medication you’ve been prescribed only makes your drowsiness and confusion worse. It had been a big deal that tonight you’d mustered the energy to drag yourself outside to sit in the fresh air. 

“I’m fine,” you assure Ethan, once again. “Have fun on your date.”

“It’s not really a date,” he says, almost a little too quickly. “We’re just hanging out.”

“Right,” you say, matter-of-factly. “Do I know who this person is?”

Ethan looks at his feet. “You remember the day this shit happened?” he asks, gesturing towards you. “Before you left on patrol, the girl that said hi to me? It’s her. Her name is Alex.”

“Oh?” you tilt your head, give him a small smile. “She was cute. How’d you ask her out?”

“Well,” he begins, scratching the back of his neck. “I may have…uh, gotten some advice.”

“You didn’t think to ask me?” you’re able to muster up a small smile.

“I would’ve, I just…..” he shakes his head. “It seemed stupid…with everything you have going on.”

“It’s not stupid,” you say, feeling a wave of guilt. Even though he’s the one looking after you, you haven’t spoken to him much about anything going on in his life. In fact, you haven’t really spoken to anyone in a long time, beyond thank you’s and blanket statements like I’m doing better. You feel disconnected, and more lonely than ever. If you ever get enough energy to leave your house, you expect most of the people in the community to have forgotten you exist. “Who’d you ask?”

“Uhm….” Ethan runs a hand through his long dark hair, shifts his weight. “….I’ve been assigned on patrol with Joel Miller a lot lately….so….”

You almost laugh when he uses Joel’s full name. Joel has been such a huge part of your life – sometimes the hero, sometimes the villain – that you don’t need to hear his last name to know who Ethan’s talking about. You could know a thousand Joel’s, and he’d still be the first person that came to mind. But Joel is still a sore subject, and Ethan knows it, which is why you suspect he’s avoided telling you this in the first place. You feel your eyebrows knit together, only able to let out an unenthused. “Oh.”

“I just, you know….he’s a guy. And it sounds like you even liked him at one point so….he must know something, right?” 

“That was a long time ago,” you say quickly, regardless of the fact that he’s right.

It’s probably not fair to blame Joel for everything that has happened to you. You know this, deep down. But you’ve been so helpless and isolated since you’ve woken up in that hospital bed that you’re desperate to find someone to hold accountable. And Joel hadn’t visited you in the hospital once. By this point, he’s abandoned you so many times that your resentment feels justified, even if your current state is not directly his fault. Because it was you, after all, who had walked into the path of those men, too angry to think clearly, too weak to take them down alone. The only person you can blame is yourself, and you really don’t want to.

“Did he tell you to take her out on patrol, make her cry, and almost get her killed?”

Ethan clicks his tongue, looks down, almost ashamed. “No. He did not.”

“You should be careful with Joel,” you warn.

“I was…” Ethan says. “But I don’t think it’s that simple. I think he’s actually alright.” 

“So you’re friends with him now,” you state, hoping he refutes. But instead, he looks up at you, frowns, and lifts his chin.

“What happened to you was horrible. It shouldn’t have happened. And yeah, maybe you think he’s the reason you almost died…. I don’t know the specifics so you can believe whatever you want. But I know that he’s the reason you’re still alive.” Ethan’s voice breaks, and you feel tears brimming your eyes before he continues. “He brought you back here, he donated his blood, he-”

“What?” you cut him off.

“What do you mean, what?” Ethan asks. “He was the only person there who had your blood type. You would’ve died if he didn’t. They didn’t tell you this?” 

“Whatever it took to make him feel less guilty, sounds like,” you say, dismissively.

Something hot burns in your veins, something that must have always been there since you woke up, but you’re only feeling it now. It’s unsettling, Joel being a part of you that way. Your lives had already seemed intertwined enough already. But now, he’s inescapable.

“Well, he stayed by your side every night while you were asleep. Fuck, I mean, he was probably there just as often as I was. He made sure I ate, and slept and showered and… and he never once asked for anything in return. He cares about you as much as I do, clearly, so I don’t think it’s wrong to think he’s a good guy….”

You must not care about me that much, you want to say, but you stop yourself. Because it’s not true, and you’d only be saying it to hurt him. You have nothing to defend yourself with, no way to convince him otherwise, and so you just stare at him until he shakes his head and slips back inside.

Ethan is stubborn, he always has been. And it’s a special kind of stubbornness, fueled by anger – so common in most of the young people you meet these days. You understand why they’re all like this. When you’re robbed of your childhood – you get stuck there….waiting….. Like someday you’ll have a chance to do it all over again, regardless of how obvious it is that you won’t. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-May 25, 2024-

Things get better, albeit slowly. You begin to wean off the pain medication, which makes you more alert. It’s still difficult to leave your house, but you can move around it more easily, and you don’t spend all your days sleeping. Luckily, you aren’t as stir-crazy as you’d been expecting. 

One afternoon, Ellie Williams shows up on your doorstep with a bag full of groceries. 

“Maria wanted me to bring these to you,” she says when you open the door. “She told me to tell you she’ll be over tomorrow, but she wanted me to give you these to tide you over.”

“That’s very nice. Thank you for bringing them to me,” you try to take the bag from her hands, but she steps back just a little, like she’s unsure if you should be carrying anything. You let your hands drop to your sides. “Would you like to come in?” 

Ellie hesitates for a split second, adjusting the bag in her arms, and then nods. “Sure.” 

Stepping to the side, you allow her into the home. Because of how warm it is outside, you’ve opened all the windows to let the breeze through. 

“Sorry for the mess,” you say, Ellie following you into the living room. There are stacks of books and pill bottles with instructions scattered on your countertop. You haven’t swept the floors in awhile and all the hard surfaces are covered in a thin layer of dust. It’s not really that bad, but you don’t have the energy or strength to be on your feet for long – let alone to clean the house. 

“I don’t mind,” Ellie says. “It’s not even that bad. I don’t know why older people worry about leaving your house messy and shit….no offense.”

“There was a time it used to matter,” you tell her. “And I see where you’re coming from, but my thing is – if you’re going to live somewhere, you should do what you can to make yourself feel comfortable.” 

Ellie purses her lips, as if you’ve made a good point but she doesn’t know how to answer. Instead, you continue. “Can I get you anything? Water?” 

“No, I’m okay,” she puts the bag on your kitchen counter.

“You can sit if you’d like,” you tell her. “I just need a moment to put these away.”

When you walk into your living room a few minutes later, she’s hovering near your record player, looking through the vinyls. The turntable was already in the house when you’d arrived years ago, but it was buried in the closet and broken. Ethan had managed to fix it after a little troubleshooting and scavenging for parts. Now, you both were always looking for records to bring home, and had amassed quite the eclectic collection – jazz, funk, hip-hop, and everything in between. 

“Wow,” Ellie says, running her fingers along the shelved records. “You found all these?”

“Some of them were already here. But yeah. Ethan and I are always on the lookout on patrol. I can play you something. What do you like?”

“Eighties, I think,” she says. “But…I also haven’t heard as much.” 

“Well here,” you thumb through the records, pull out a worn copy of Speaking In Tongues. “How about some Talking Heads?” 

You pass the record over to her, and she stares at you blankly. It’s only then that you realize — she’s never used a record player before. There’s a familiar pang of sadness before you show her how. 

“Are you feeling better?” Ellie eyes you wearily once the music starts, and you settle onto the couch, feeling a little worn out after being on your feet.

“Yes,” you say. “I’m older now, so it seems like healing takes a lot more time.”

Ellie nods, then bobs her head to the music a little. “This is better than most of the stuff Joel likes.” 

“Oh yeah,” you smirk, and instinctually, you recall his enthusiasm for all things old-school country. “I remember that,” you say softly.

With so much time on your hands lately, you’ve found yourself thinking of Joel a lot, reminiscing on the time you’d spent with him and Sarah. What Ethan had told you about him staying by your side was definitely making you reconsider your assessment of him, even if you were still hesitant. It was probably a trap to think you’d ever be able to feel those things with him again, but if remembering them brought you comfort, you weren’t going to resist it. 

“You’re more than welcome to come over to listen anytime,” you offer, and she nods excitedly. 

Ellie stays for longer than you expect. You talk a fair bit. She tells you about what she’s learning in school – but mostly how ‘fucking useless’ it is. She wanders around your living room and pokes through your stuff without asking, but you don’t think to stop her – you just answer her questions and let her be curious.

Eventually, the sun dips below the horizon, and she excuses herself to go home, insisting that Joel will ‘fucking kill her’ if she’s out too late. Even though you’re exhausted after entertaining her for a few hours, you find it feels nice. Being on house arrest, essentially, had left your starved for connection outside Maria and Ethan.

You see her out the door before returning to your refrigerator to look for something to eat. Ethan will be back from patrol any minute, so it may be nice to make him something even if you have almost no energy.

But when there’s another knock on your front door, you’re shocked to see who you find staring on your porch. 

Joel.

You almost forget to speak at the sight of him. It’s been weeks since your accident and he might as well have moved away from Jackson since you hadn’t seen him at all. 

“Hey,” you say, tentatively, taking him in. He seems preoccupied – cheeks flushed, hair rumpled, and out of breath, like he had run all the way to get here.

“Have you seen Ellie?” he asks, not even greeting you in return. “I’ve looked everywhere and I-

“You just missed her,” you cut him off, not because you’re trying to dismiss him, but because he's clearly distressed. “I’m surprised you didn’t see her on your way over.”

Joel sighs, eyes closing in relief. “Thank God.” For a second, you glimpse the frazzled and overworked father you used to know. “She stayed out too late, had me worried sick.” 

“She’s fine,” you say. “Although she did say you might kill her if she didn’t get home soon.” 

Joel gives you an almost imperceptible smile, but seems mostly irritated by Ellie’s suggestion. “I would do no such thing.” He shakes his head and takes two steps backwards. “Thank you. Didn’t mean to be a bother.” 

Your mind floats to a memory of Joel on your front porch, late getting home from work and looking for Sarah, and you can’t help but feel a bit of sadness and longing for a simpler time, a surge of affection. 

Joel is halfway down your front porch steps when you speak again. “You aren’t bothering me.”

He pauses, turns to look over his shoulder. There’s something he wants to say, you can feel it, and you step outside, letting the door fall shut behind you and remaining huddled against the siding, and he turns to face you fully, sighing. “I’ve been meaning to stop by, actually….” 

“Oh…really?” you can’t keep the surprise from your voice, and he notices.

“Yeah,” Joel rubs his fingers together, a nervous habit of his you know all too well. “Yeah. I- well, I wanted to apologize to you.”

You’re so startled by the words you can’t answer right away. But the split second of hesitation causes Joel to continue, looking to fill the empty space. 

“I’ve been waiting to find the right thing to say….but it doesn’t seem like that’ll ever happen. I’m not even sure I know where to start.” 

“Oh,” is all you can manage, still taken aback. The only thing that doesn’t surprise you about his admission is the sincerity. You could say a lot of things about Joel, but he isn’t a liar. He always tells the truth. Maybe it’s why he pulled away from you to begin with. It’s easier than the alternative – spending time with you, which would force him to be honest. For how much you’ve changed, you’d probably do the same. 

But the thing with Joel is that you’re exhausted. You’re tired of the back and forth, of the push and pull, of the constant struggle to hold your care over each other's head, hoping the other will break first. Maybe this is a fresh start. 

You step closer to him, and you see him study the way you move. Of course, you’re trying to look strong, but he can surely sense the weakness. He’d always been good at that, better than any of the others. Your hand comes to rest on the porch railing for support. 

But…..

There’s that voice in the back of your head, the one that tells you this is a mistake. The one that reminds of the pain you’ve often earned through vulnerability. It likes to think it’s served you, protected you, and it has. But it’s not always right.

“I suppose I owe you an apology, too,” you say. “At the very least I should thank you for what you did.”

Joel shakes his head, dismissively, but looks to where your hand rests on the porch railing, looks back up to you as he reaches out. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

His hand clasps over yours, and to anyone else, this might be nothing. It’s so innocent, unassuming. But the effect it has on you is palpable. He squeezes once, and you flip your hand over, squeezing his back, giving him a gentle smile. “I am too.” 

Joel’s eyes fill with a warmth you haven’t seen in twenty years, and your stomach flutters, your heart races. A part of yourself that you’d considered long dead seems to rouse.“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“I told Ellie we’d go to the mess hall together,” Joel says. “Otherwise I would.”

You blink once, and Joel sees it, immediately continuing on. “But maybe Ellie and I can come another time, join you and Ethan?”

“Yeah. He’d like that,” you say. “That might be nice.” ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-June 20, 2024-

You think that at the end of a long winter, bears must hate coming out of hibernation. 

It must suck. They spend months sleeping, doing almost nothing, and then suddenly they’re forced to function again – to hunt, to eat, to roam, to survive and socialize. You imagine there has to be a learning curve, a desire to crawl back into their den and never leave again. 

Or maybe you could be wrong, and they love it. And you’re just a wimp who hates feeling uncomfortable.

All you know is that you’re huddled in the back corner of the Tipsy Bison, nursing a whiskey – and it’s the last place you want to be. 

You’re overwhelmed. 

And despite the fact that you regularly used to attend community events, it’s been so long since you've been out in Jackson that you feel like you don’t belong. To some extent, you’ve always felt this – too hardened by the outside world to fully assimilate, especially when the town throws dances. But in the past, you at least attempted to convince yourself otherwise. 

Two weeks back, the doctors had cleared you to go about your daily activities as normal  – within reason, of course – but you hadn’t exactly jumped at the opportunity. Tonight, Ethan had accused you of becoming ‘antisocial’ and ‘reclusive’. You had agreed to attend – but only to beat those allegations. So far, you are definitely not. 

You scan the crowd, taking in the people spinning around the dance floor. Some of the women are wearing dresses. You can’t help but feel a little envious of how easily they’re able to perform femininity, which is something you’d given up on a while ago. It hadn’t exactly served you before arriving in Jackson, and you predict it would be humiliating to start trying now. After all the things you’d experienced, you were left marred with scars and wrinkles, stretch marks and loose skin. Since then, you’ve remained loyal to the combination of men’s denim and tank tops with flannel-button downs overtop. 

It doesn’t always stop the men in the community from descending like vultures. You might be the last pick – there are plenty others who are younger and prettier – but you’re still an option. Bea, your old partner, had always theorized that some men were particularly drawn to sapphic women, that it was ‘the ultimate challenge’. Maybe there is some truth to her theory, but you like men….sometimes. So there is always a part of you that yearns for their validation, for as many times as you tell yourself you don’t want it. But it never feels good to get it after you’ve watched them exhaust all their other options.

It’s pathetic, but it makes you think of Joel. He and Ellie had been over to yours and Ethans last week for a nice dinner, and you had tried to gauge whether there was any romantic connection between you still. Occasionally, you’d caught him looking at you with a wistful smile, but he could have been lost in thought. It’s not like you needed that from him or anything, but it might be useful information. After all this time, Joel is still so handsome, and probably has an impressive selection of potential partners here in Jackson – women of all ages. You hope he’s not here tonight – you can’t see much besides the dance floor at this point – because the thought of him cozied up to anyone here, combined with the acrid taste of the drink in your hand, makes you want to gag. 

You take another look around the room. Eugene, your partner in crime – quite literally – is walking towards you, which helps quell your spiraling mind . If you talk to him, say hello to Tommy and Maria, maybe Ethan will see the effort you’re making and you can sneak out without having to deal with anyone. It’s wishful thinking, but it’s worth a shot. The sooner you can get home tonight, the better.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel can’t stop staring. 

He knows it’s impolite. He knows that he’s not being subtle. He knows that if any other person in this bar followed his eyeline, they’d pick up on what he was doing in an instant. But every minute he doesn’t get called out for it, he becomes more and more emboldened. 

It’s the first dance he’s ever been to in Jackson, and the only reason he’s here is to placate Ellie and Tommy. But even they have abandoned him in favor of better companions – his brother is deep in conversation with Maria, sitting across from him in a booth, and Ellie is out on the dance floor dancing with one of her new friends, Dina.

Joel just can’t help himself. He still feels guilty for what he’s done, but he can’t shake the feeling of a soft hand clasped within his own – the first time he’d felt any semblance of hope since arriving here. Tommy and Maria had already slyly let him know about all the women who were interested, but he couldn’t bring himself to entertain their advances. There’s only one he wants, and she won’t even look in his direction.

When he’d first noticed you, you were whispering with Eugene on the opposite side of the dance floor. According to Tommy, you spend a fair bit of your time with the old man, which Joel initially thought to mean that you had some sort of entanglement. At first, Joel thought that couldn’t be possible. But you were deep in focus as you listened to Eugene’s words, nodding and leaning in closer and closer, and Joel thinks Tommy might be right. He wants to understand what you see in this man – tall and unkempt, covered in tattoos with long, graying hair and a beard to match. But Joel catches himself in his judgment, he’s probably just as unappealing – not just because of how he’s aged, but because of how horrible he’s been to you in general. 

The next time Joel sees you, you’re at the bar, chatting with a man who Maria had introduced him to not long ago, a resident who is new in town. Joel had been too busy focusing on the fact that he’d been in Jackson long enough to not be its newest resident that he couldn’t remember his name. He wishes he had, so he could keep tabs on him. Of course, he can’t blame the man for being drawn to you – Joel knows very well that you’re hard to miss in a crowd. 

Still, Joel bristles when you both step away from the bar, and the man’s hand lands just above your sacrum. He actually finds himself tensing up, resisting the urge to intervene, because it’d likely only make you angry. Plus, maybe you are interested. That question is answered quickly when you reach behind your to clasp the man's hand and place it back at his side. Where it belongs, he thinks.

“Joel!”

He snaps his attention to what’s in front of him – interrupted, and probably for good measure, lest he get himself too worked up. Ethan approaches with a girl his age, her arm linked through his. Joel stands to greet them. 

The terse understanding between himself and Ethan while you were still in the hospital had somehow turned into a friendship, especially after they’d begun getting paired up on patrol. Ethan reaches out for Joel’s hand to dap him up, slinging an arm briefly over his shoulder.

“How’s it going, kid?” 

“Good, good,” Ethan nods, pulling back, and gestures to the girl next to him. “Joel, this is Alex.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says. “Ethan’s told me all about you.” 

“Really?” Joel asks, feeling a little bewildered. 

“Only good things,” Alex says quickly, as if she senses his apprehension. Ethan puts his arm around her waist. Joel recalls a few weeks back when he’d asked for advice on how to ask out a girl. Joel hadn’t pried at the time, but now he seems to understand, and is surprised by the swell of pride he feels. “Ethan says you’re a fucking badass,”she giggles after she swears.

Joel looks over at Ethan. “I don’t know about that.” 

He shrugs, changes the subject. “Since when do you come to these things?” Ethan asks.

“Ellie dragged me out,” Joel answers.

“I did the same with my aunt,” Ethan chuckles. “But now I can’t find her, and I’m pretty sure she’s escaped.”

“Oh, is she here?” Joel plays dumb, like he hasn’t been aware of exactly where you have been all night. “I haven’t seen her.”

“I think she was with Eugene earlier,” Alex has to stand on her toes to speak into Ethan’s ear. Joel watches Ethan’s nose wrinkle. 

“Do you know Eugene at all?” Ethan turns to Joel. “I’m trying to figure out what’s going on there, but she won’t say anything.” 

Joel wishes that he had more information. “Tommy says they seem close.”

“I know that,” Ethan says. “I wish she would just be honest with me. It’s not like I would be mad. Whatever,” he shakes his head. “We can talk about it another time. I just want to find her so I can introduce her to Alex.”

“We should say hi to Tommy and Maria first,” Alex says, and Ethan nods in agreement before saying goodbye to him. Joel claps a hand on Ethan’s shoulder as he moves past him, and Alex gives him a shy smile in acknowledgement. 

Focusing back on the crowd, Joel realizes that you’ve vanished in the short span of his last interaction. Maybe you’d rejected that guy, and then he’d retaliated. Maybe you’d gone home with Eugene. Joel shakes his hand. It’s none of his business. He doesn’t need to get involved. It’s not his job to look after you, regardless of how much better he feels when he does. Old instincts. He can’t help himself.

He settles on watching Ellie and Dina spin each other around on the dance floor. Eventually, Tommy and Maria, then Ethan and Alex all trickle out of the booth to go get another round or head to dance. Joel stands to release the booth to someone who actually needs it – and is left in the corner, nursing a nearly empty beer that’s now flat and warm. He looks towards his family and friends, but for some reason, he still feels alone. 

Joel isn’t sure how long he stands sulking, but he starts when someone approaches from behind.

“Having fun?”

You’re a pace or two back, one thumb hooked through a belt loop, a whiskey in your opposite hand. Joel looks back at the crowd a moment, then at the ground. “No.” 

“Neither am I,” you commiserate, stepping alongside him. 

Joel considers offering that Ethan was looking for you, but selfishly does not want to give you a reason to leave, so he stays quiet. You observe the dance floor like he is, smiling slightly at the sight of Ethan and Alex dancing. The flannel you’re wearing over a gray tank hangs loosely off one shoulder, and Joel wants to reach out and touch the exposed skin. You take your last sip of whiskey, bring a finger to swipe under your bottom lip, and Joel wishes he knew what you might taste like right now. He scolds himself for fantasizing.

You don’t speak either, and you stand in silence for a while, until you eventually pop your hip, shifting closer to him. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’re already standing so close that your arm gets pressed up against his. Neither of you acknowledge the contact, but Joel is acutely aware of how your skin burns hot against his own. He feels comforted by the affection, even if it’s unintentional.

“Want to leave?” Joel asks, and can hardly believe that the words came out of his mouth, even if he wanted them to. 

You look over at him, not bothering to hide your surprise, but your expression evens out quickly, and you give him a single nod. “Yeah.” 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel’s still not convinced this is real. It feels too much like a dream, the weather outside is so pleasantly warm it feels like he’s floating as you walk down the street. He had never expected you to agree to leave with him, and now he doesn’t know what to do, or what to say.

The greater distance you put between yourselves and the bar, the quieter the town is. Most of Jackson’s residents are at the dance, save for the guards at the front gate and the handful of people that had been mingling just outside.

He heads in the general direction of the neighborhood, even though he lives on a different street. 

“What are we supposed to do now?” you wonder out loud, and you sound a little incredulous, like you’re equally as shocked to find yourself beside him. The question carries a bit more weight than it would have coming from anyone else.

Joel contemplates. He’s not sure what he wants from you – there are a lot of things, actually – but he doesn’t know if he really deserves any of them. For now, your companionship is more than enough.

“You’re welcome to come back to mine,” he offers.  “But if you’re looking to keep drinking, all the booze is back at the bar.”

“I’m good.” You shake your head like you’re uninterested, but look over at him with a sparkle in your eye. “I have something better….” 

You reach into the pocket of your flannel and produce a rolled joint between two fingers, looking over your shoulder. “Those dances are usually terrible, so I always come prepared.” 

Joel can’t help the chuckle that escapes him, and the sheepish grin he gets in return makes his cheeks feel warm. “Where’d you even get that?”

“You’ve never been on patrol with Eugene, have you?” you ask. “He has a place just out of town where he grows it. I’ve been helping him since we first got paired up, and in exchange, I get to sample the supply.”  

Of course. Joel would’ve never imagined that was the reason you were so close with Eugene, but it suddenly makes incredible sense. He shakes his head in a combination of relief and amusement. “You really haven’t changed.” 

“Oh, I’m sure I have,” you answer, smiling to yourself and looking at the ground. “But of course I haven’t shaken all my bad habits.”

“That’s not true,” Joel mutters.

“Well, you haven’t changed either, for as much as you’ve tried to convince me,” you nudge him gently, offering him the joint. “What do you think?” 

Joel plucks it from between your fingers and puts it between his lips. “I think I have a lighter at home.”

“Sounds perfect.” 

In the front hallway of his house, you slip out of your tennis shoes, shuffling behind him in your socks, pausing occasionally to study some of the doodles that Ellie had drawn and hung on the walls – it wasn’t exactly a priority to decorate these days, but they certainly livened up the place. He knows how much Ellie likes you, despite the fact that she doesn’t gush, but the odd comment here and there says as much. Joel remembers how difficult it had been to keep Sarah away, and Ellie now is no different. He doesn’t seem to be able to help himself, either. 

You sit next to Joel on his wicker couch, curling your feet up under you as he lights the joint and study him while he takes the first few puffs. He does it without thinking. That’s how soft Jackson has made him. Normally, he’d be too stressed about being out of his wits. But he can’t see how hypervigilance has served him since settling down. He feels safe here, and somehow especially because he’s with you. 

When he passes the joint your way, you look at him wistfully. “Old times,” you say with a grin. 

Joel nods as he exhales, coughing. “Old times.” 

“Oh yeah,” you say, as if you just remembered something. “You can’t tell Ethan about this. He doesn’t know, and he will give me shit about it. I need him to take me seriously.” 

Joel shakes his head. “Well, you know, it sounds like he and Tommy both think you and Eugene are together.”

“What?” your head jerks forward in shock, eyes going wide. “Oh my god, no. Do people think that?”

“I’m just sayin’,” Joel wants to mention how he had seen you whispering to each other at the bar earlier, but then realizes it’d give a bit too much away. “That’s what they think.”

“Well....historically speaking I might’ve liked older men…. but not that old.”

Joel purses his lips. “You’ve lived here awhile, huh?” When you nod, he continues. “Has no one caught your eye?” 

“Uhm….not really. But….” you trail off, looking into Joel’s backyard. “To be completely honest, I  don't think about that much these days. I guess I feel like I have a lot to be grateful for. I don’t want to push it.”

Joel understands, and nods pensively.

“What about you?” you ask. 

“I guess I feel the same.”

That causes you to smile a little bit, look over at him. “I bet you already know this. But the women here would line up down the block for you.”

Joel can’t help but roll his eyes, though he wonders if you would, too. Even if you did like him, that didn’t seem like your style. 

“I’m serious. I’ve heard the things they whisper behind your back. All their fantasies about you are pretty creative...”

“Fantasies?” He grimaces. He imagines none of them know anything about who he really is. You’re the closest thing, and all he’s done is hurt you. “I’m sure you were quick to set them straight.” 

“I don’t say anything,” you say, then continue on, a little quieter, looking at him from under your lashes. “I like to keep you to myself.” 

Joel isn’t sure how to respond to that. You have every right to tell all of them that you were once together, and all the ways he’s hurt you since. Yet for some reason, you’ve chosen to protect him. 

“So….all this time….” you wonder. “You had to have been with other people, right?”

Joel doesn’t think to hold back. “I had a partner for a long time. Tess. First, it was all business, I helped her smuggle things in and out of the Boston QZ…and then, I don’t know….we got along, we trusted each other and…” Joel trails off, hoping you’d put together the rest before he has to go into too much detail. “She was real fuckin’ tough. Scared me a little at first. You would’ve liked her.”

“Well, we already have one thing in common. What happened?”

“She’s the whole reason I ended up out here….with Ellie,” Joel explains. “But I lost her a little over a year ago.”

He hopes you don’t ask how. Maybe someday he’d be willing to go into detail, but talking about it generally is hard enough as it is. But fortunately, you seem to pick up on his hesitance. “I’m sorry, Joel,” you say softly.

He shakes his head. “I was an asshole. To her. I should've....after Sarah died I didn’t want to get attached, so I kept her at arms length and I... I wished I hadn’t in the end. It only made things worse.”

“Yeah,” you nod, look down. “I’ve made that mistake before.”

Joel doesn’t want to linger any longer on the memory. “What about you? Were you with anyone?”

“Uhm, yeah,” you fidget, looking uncomfortable. “I had a partner….for like ten years."

Ten years? He had been with Tess for more, but something about that information feels jarring. He’s shocked Tommy never told him this. Did Tommy even know? Suddenly, it dawns on Joel everything that could’ve happened to you since you’ve been apart. Entire lifetimes. And he’d said such horrible things when you’d fought. He remembers your face when he’d told you that you didn’t know what it was like to lose a child. Maybe you had. He’d been so cruel and inconsiderate just because he was uncomfortable. 

His throat feels tight, almost scared to learn anymore. “What…what was his name?”

“Well, Bea….was her name.” 

Joel is sure he doesn't hide the shock well. “Sorry, I didn’t know…”

“Yeah,” you say. “I don’t think I did either. Well, I sort of did, but I was too young I think when I first realized to make any sense of it, but…. I met her and…yeah,” then, you smirk. “I mean, I went to an all-girls school and I had a really bad relationship with my dad so…it definitely makes sense. ” 

Joel considers this, smiles along with you. “But anyways. Her and I met shortly after my brother died and it was kind of the same. We kept each other alive, things developed from there. We ended up getting involved with this group who lived in the middle of nowhere. That’s a whole other story, but…” you wave your hand. “I loved her, and I lost her right before Ethan and I got here.” 

Joel sees all the pain in your eyes, and wishes he could say something to take it all away. He knows he can’t. You look back out into the woods in his backyard, take a deep breath, and reach back towards the joint that you had put out not long before, lighting it again. Joel gets the sense that both of you had done the most amount of sharing possible for the time being. 

“Look at us,” you take another drag before passing it over. “Old times.”

“Old times,” he repeats, a smile working its way onto his face. 

“This used to be my favorite thing to do with you.” 

“It was nice,” Joel agrees….hesitates before continuing. “But I can think of some things I liked better.” He gives you a knowing look, and you roll your eyes, laughing easily at his joke. It feels so good to make you laugh, to see you smile. Why had he spent so much time resisting?

“Touche.” 

What happens next spills out of Joel so quickly he doesn’t think to stop it. “I tried to look for you….after all this happened. I didn’t have Sarah anymore, and I thought maybe….I don’t know. It was the only thing that kept me going for a while.”

“I did too,” you confess. “But…I was with Vincent and Ethan, and I felt like I couldn’t leave them alone for something that might just be…. I always hoped you both made it. And I’m so sorry she’s gone. I really did love her.” 

“I know you did,” Joel reaches out to take your hand. “I know. And I shouldn’t have said those things I did. I’m still not sure why you’ve been so patient with me.”

“Hmm,” you shift so that you’re closer to him. “You waited around for me back then. It’s only fair that I’d wait around for you now. I want you in my life. I don’t care what that looks like. But it’s too hard to forget about a person that you loved.” 

Joel wants as much from you as you’re willing to give, and he can’t tear his gaze away from you. But he wants you to see him, all of him, before he takes it. 

“I’ve let a lot of people down. I’ve done a lot of h-horrible things,” his voice cracks, and tears well in his eyes. 

“I have, too, you know? Those things still live with me. But I think what matters is who we are now,” you reach out, fingertips brushing the scar on his temple, and Joel swears that even if you don’t know the story behind it, you can see right through him. “And I know who you are.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” 

“You won’t,” you say. “No more than anyone else has. And if it makes you feel better…when people hurt me, I’ve gotten pretty good at hurting them back.” 

“If I do, I’d hope you would.”

“I will. I promise,” your thumb strokes his cheek, marveling at him. “I would suggest a blood oath or something but….I heard we kind of already did that…”

He’s given you every warning, every barrier, and you’re still here. He can’t believe it, and he doesn’t think he can hold back any longer. “Come here.”

He kisses you. He wishes that he could be slow and tender and gentle like he used to be – and certainly he’s still capable, but he realizes that he’s been depriving himself of something he wanted for so long, and can’t seem to control himself. 

Your hands land on the side of his face, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you onto his lap. Maybe you’re somewhat taken aback by his urgency, you hum against his lips, but you don’t resist at all. Joel maneuvers you so you’re straddling his thighs, and he grips your hips, your ass, coasts his hands up your side. Your lips part in a moan, and he slips his tongue into your mouth. 

For a while, he stays there, savors the taste of you, whiskey and smoke still lingering on your lips. His hands cup your jaw, feel your body, grip and squeeze and stroke and you let him, continue to let him. He tries everything, wondering if you’ll tell him to stop, if you’ll decide you’ve had too much, but you don’t. Then again, he should know by now that you’re a woman who knows what she wants. He just finds it’s hard to believe that he’s the thing you want.

You break away from him, just a little, and Joel presses his nose to your neck, kisses your pulse point. 

“Should we go upstairs?” your voice is raspy and breathless. “Will Ellie be home soon?” 

“Probably not for a while. We can be quick.”

“Hopefully not too quick,” you raise your eyebrows. Joel can’t help but laugh a little. He relishes in the way your hands rake up and down his arms, exploring him, touching him. Of course he wants you, but even just this would be enough. He’d be content with less, he hadn’t realized how starved of affection he’d been.

You’re able to pry yourselves off one another to make it up the stairs, and Joel guides you with a hand to the small of your back. When you get to his bedroom, he opens the door, but stops you before you go inside. 

“Hold on,” Joel mutters, winding one arm around your waist, the other behind your knee.

“Joel, what-no, you’ll–” he pulls you into his arms. 

“Do you really think I’m not strong enough?”

“I didn’t say that,” you chuckle as he carries you over the threshold and into the bedroom, breath puffing against him before he lays you down on the bed. 

When he hovers over you, your fingers wind into his hair, nails raking against his scalp. He savors every sweet sigh he’s able to pull from you, hands cupping your breasts and squeezing your hips. You’re so pliant and open beneath his body, it makes it easier to not feel guilty about what he’s doing. He knows he shouldn’t feel guilty, you’ve said as much, but it might take some time before the feeling will die completely. Hopefully, he has enough time with you to see it off completely.

Clothes are removed quickly, intentionally, as you both bare more and more of yourself to each other. And while he wishes he could’ve been there to see the ways in which your body has changed, you’re still as beautiful as ever. 

Joel, however, is hesitant to give himself away completely. When you tug at the hem of his shirt, he hesitates. 

“I don’t know if-” he pauses. “If you want to see all that.”

“Joel,” you stare at him knowingly, kneeling across from him as he stands at the edge of the bed. “I do.” 

So he releases your hand, and lets you pull it over his head. Carefully, you study him, his body littered with scars. He knows he’s not as in shape as you remember. These days, he hardly can look at himself in the mirror after a shower. He expects you to be disgusted, or at least see it flit across your face before you compose yourself, but you don’t. Your fingertips drag through the smattering of hair on his chest and down his torso, tracing several prominent scars – each one with a story – but you linger on the one at his abdomen, frowning. 

He sees the question on your face, but you don’t ask it. Instead, you return to press yourself against him. “I’m so glad you’re still here….”

You kiss him, then, and Joel can only kiss you back. 

Joel isn’t the only one with battle scars. Some of them he feels are his fault, but you seem less self-concious about them, which gives him a surprising amount of confidence. Maybe it’s just a reality of what happens when you make it this long. 

When you’re finally bare beneath him, he admires how you look, stretched out and waiting, chest heaving and shivering with anticipation. He slides his hand between your legs – feels you already wet and warm, sinking two fingers inside. Your walls flutter around the intrusion, back arcing off the bed when you sigh out his name. Joel.

He’d forgotten how nice it felt to hear that. 

Joel is already thinking about what he’d like to do to you next time. He’d be more careful, more patient. He’d bury his face between your thighs to see if you tasted as good as he remembers, he’d let your fingers curl into his hair. But right now you both seem desperate for the same thing. 

He pumps his cock a few times with his hand, he can’t remember the last time he’d been this hard – the last time he’s wanted anyone this badly. Even with Tess, it had always felt like the both of them were hurrying to scratch an itch, her eyes would wander like she was thinking of other people, and maybe he was, too. 

Joel lines himself up with your slick cunt, teases you a little, and you roll your body down to meet him, gasping when his blunt head slides in – just a little. 

He can’t hold back. You practically suck him in, so tight and hot around him he finds it immediately overwhelming, but he doesn’t even think to pull out. Only when he’s fully seated inside you, and given you a chance to adjust, does he start to move. 

It’s euphoric. You’re both older now, more mature, but he still remembers all the things you liked, even if it takes a moment for him to find the spot inside you that makes you cry out, legs wrapping around his hips. 

Unlike before, you don’t bother trying to hide from him. You kiss him, hold him, touch him, look him in the eyes, tell him how good he feels – you don’t hold back. Joel relishes every word you say, clings to the praise and gives it back. Your lashes flutter when he tells you how pretty you look.

He can think of nothing else other than bringing you pleasure, can tell you’re getting close when you begin to rut against him, and he reaches down to let the pads of his fingers slide over your clit.

When you come, you whine his name, lock your lips with his own and he swallows your moans. The feeling of you so impossibly tight and wet and pulsing and squeezing him so tightly has him following closely after. 

His head is still buried in the crook of your neck when you speak again. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

The second Joel pulls out, he starts missing how close he felt to you. But you fix that by rolling over onto your stomach, curling up at his side, head on his chest, and arm across his stomach. 

“Joel. Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

He’s far from it. But he’s starting to think if you say it enough, maybe he’ll start to believe it. He turns his head to kiss you gently, slowly. “So are you.” 

“We can do this again, right?” you ask. 

“Yes,” he says. “Yes, we can.”

“Good,” you settle back against him, and very slowly, he dozes off with you right beside him. He doesn’t want to sleep alone again, and luckily, he doesn’t have to. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-December 4th, 2026-

When you return home from patrol, you find Joel in his living room – boots off and socked feet propped on the arm of the couch. You don’t notice his eyes are closed, that he’s asleep, until you get closer, see the book he’d been reading resting on his chest as he snores lightly. You can’t help but feel for him – he’s probably exhausted from constant patrols, so he must be tired. 

But mostly, you’re just overwhelmed by the love you feel for him, catching him in a quiet moment of vulnerability. Hesitantly, you reach out and squeeze his foot. It’s gentle and tender enough that he blinks his eyes open and looks around, taking in his surroundings, rather than jolting awake like he often does. When he sees you on the opposite end of the couch, he melts back into the pillow he’s propped against. 

“Hey, stud,” you lean against the arm of the couch. 

“Hey,” Joel answers, voice still gruff with sleep. “How long was I out?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just got in.”

“Hmm,” Joel closes his eyes again, folds his hands across his stomach.

“You’re wearing the glasses I got you,” you point out. They’re simple. Rectangular black frames. You’d found them on patrol, and brought them home after Joel had been complaining that he could barely see when he read before bed. But he’d tried them on and insisted he hated the way they looked, so you’d ended up using them most of the time.

“They do work,” he grumbles, like he’s ashamed to admit it. “But I still think they look stupid.”

“You look like a sexy librarian,” Joel rolls his eyes, but you can tell he’s suppressing a grin. There’s always a bit of defiance about him, he can’t fully admit how you get him so flustered even after you’ve spent so much time together. You press your thumb into the arch of his foot and he groans. “That feel good?” you ask. 

“Yes.”

“Whatcha reading?” You gesture towards the book. 

“Some book about the moon landing,” Joel lifts it off of his chest, where it lay face down and open, looks at the back cover. “For Ellie.”

“How sweet.”

“It’s a little dry,” he deadpans. “But she likes this stuff.” 

You shift your massage to his other foot. Joel stretches, his arms lifting above his head, the shirt he’s wearing rides up just so, so you see a sliver of his lower belly before it disappears again, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

“Are you tired?” you ask. 

“Always,” he says through a yawn. 

“Me too,” you yawn along with him, since they’re contagious. He pulls the glasses from their perch on the bridge of his nose and shuts the book, placing them both on the coffee table in front of him. You take your hands off his feet and he sits up a little straighter, holding out his hand. 

“Come ‘ere,” he says, and you do. 

He grunts as you settle into his arms, head nestled against his chest, sprawling out almost on top of him, the only way you both can fit like this on the couch.

“You’re so warm,” you say softly, letting him wrap his arms around you. 

“You’re cold. Your hands are freezing,” he holds them in his own.

“It’s cold out.”

“Don’t know why you left today.”

“Obligations. Patrol.”

“Fuck that.”

You laugh into his chest, pausing for a moment before speaking again. “You know, I think we might be boring.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, we don’t really leave the house. We spend all day reading. And we’re old.”

“We’re not that old.”

“But we’re getting up there.”

“Sure, but…” Joel trails off. 

“Everything’s so quiet, so calm.”

“I think that’s what most people would describe as content.” 

“Are you content?” you ask, lifting your head to look him in the eyes. 

“I’m happy,” he says softly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. “Are you?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Then don’t worry about the rest.”

“Okay,” you settle back against your husband's chest, feel his lips brush your forehead.

His fingers search absentmindedly for the ring on your finger he’d found while clearing out a pawn shop not too long ago. The one he wore looked nothing like your own. But the marriage had been long overdue, and neither of you cared what the rings actually looked like. 

Nowadays, you split your time between his place with Ellie, and your own with Ethan, but end up in his bed every night. At this point, you don’t think you could sleep without him. 

Years ago, another lifetime, you’d had a conversation underneath a sky full of stars. You’d told him that for you, good things had never lasted. Joel had made a promise. 

This will.

It took time. There was a lot of pain. But in the end, he had told you the truth.

-

-

-

[brokenmachinemusings]

so. what’s up with diving?

a lot of people tend to think that diving is some paradoxical thing which has happened but also hasn’t at the same time.

i’m here to say; no it isn’t. all dives did not happen originally, and alter the course of time later.

there are plenty of other posts who go into more detail than mine will, and they mostly focus on season two.

i’m here to focus a bit more on s1. not in detail, just pointing some things out before i go completely batshit. and some thoughts. actually, mostly thoughts.

well, in short, diving never actually happened before the aforementioned dive, which in turn — not always, but usually alters the timeline. sometimes the changes are so minimal it’s barely consequential — sometimes they’re so important they kill someone, get someone stabbed, or save them. obviously, the butterfly effect.

i really do wish i could go in depth in this post outside of my simple disorganized thought processes but i don’t have the time or energy for that. alas, physical as well as mental illness and busy schedules strike again.

studio lan also likes to play around with these concepts. maybe to throw us off, maybe to hint towards the bigger picture, who knows.

well. that’s not what this post is about. i just wanted to point out some examples. which are, here, as goes;

while rewatching, i’m still on ep1, but the most obvious thing is emma upsetting the cup. hers is more of an accident, obviously just spilling over the table.

cheng xiaoshi WHACKS that cup. while it might be for comedic effect, i see quite literally no one pointing this out — and it spins around and hits mr. zhu’s head. and then falls on his pants, which is the timeline reorienting itself.

the next example is have, which is on top of my head, is one that really baffles my mind how i don’t see anyone speaking about xu shanshan more. while lu guang watches the photo, she’s giggly about the message she receives and we all know it cuts off right before liu min enters her apartment — well, that’s not important, but i did want to point out how she’s giddy.

cheng xiaoshi simply solemnly stares into her phone as he reads dong yi’s message. which might be a whole can of worms to unpack later, but either way, it always struck me as kind of odd.

we don’t have concrete evidence that xu shanshan was murdered — but in my personal theory, she was in the original show’s timeline (not the og tl itself), before cheng xiaoshi managed to overwrite it. from her being depicted as a victim once, to cheng xiaoshi’s plan — i doubt li tianchen or liu min cared enough about her to actually have to go through with it.

anyway, i do think cheng xiaoshi’s plan practically worked, especially since li tianchen managed to go “oh shit, there’s people with my type of power, i must see this,” and actually left her alone.

i do think some kind of “alternative timeline” was mentioned, but that’s kind of evading my memory right now. i’ll get back in on you in the next 100 business days. maybe more or less.

well, i completely forgot to mention xss being mentioned in the newspaper after cheng xiaoshi’s whole meddling which ended up with her turning into a victim — again, kinda steering the timeline. and again, another butterfly effect, considering that turns into xu shanshan dying having to make a plan to avoid her death, catching liu min, lu guang getting stabbed, the li twins, all of s2. which is to say, this is heavily hinted at for not happening in the timelines prior which lu guang had experienced.

ah, speaking of lu guang. sweet boy lu guang. who’s from the future, and considering the timeline being rewritten, he cannot return to the future. this is also implied, or could be a plot hole. considering every time li tianchen touches cheng xiaoshi while the latter is possessing someone, he gets forced out of said body, to the present — as for lu guang, he fully stays there, in the past which isn’t the past, more like a new present or future. with all of his plans intact. sucks that the future he’s aiming for isn’t changing, though.

there’s also the mess which is s2ep8-9. you know, the speedboat episodes. it isn’t quite obvious at first, but lu guang is lu guang the first time. and well, he wasn’t expecting anyone to know his password either. he likely just stashed the phone away for safekeeping, for his own dive, but then the cops found it and cheng xiaoshi decided to dive in — it’s a bit of a mystery on how cheng xiaoshi knew exactly what to do as well. since he was likely very disoriented the first time he was brung out of his possession by li tianchen. well, i’m not one to really delve into this, again there’s other people who have in far more detail than i.

i mean, yes, time nodes are a thing and the timeline reorients itself however it needs to be. no matter how much of change might take place, how out of hand it can get. but it has this margin of error as well. it’s quite odd, really, i can’t quite describe it either.

there’s some kind of mindfuck theory about time not actually being time but i won’t get into that. i don’t remember what it said. but shoutout to you, other theorists.

in short, i don’t think i made this clear due to my incessant rambling; diving always alters the timeline. even if only little deviations happen, it always alters what it was originally supposed to be. and it only happens once, unless you count lu guang diving into himself multiple times… but that isn’t as clear, considering like i said, the future changes — which is stated in the donghua itself, but it changes and he theoretically dives into a different version of himself. theoretically.

well, whatever the case, thanks for reading. hope this makes sense — kind of at least, if you’re interested on my thoughts on anything let me know. or if i forgot to cover some part in more detail.

happy 0913, hope everyone survived well today. i, and cheng xiaoshi, sure didn’t!

[ballgame]

I'm going to ramble a little on my thoughts on magic in Deltarune, but I'd like to preface this by saying that a lot of this falls more under the realm of speculation (and at times headcanons) rather than genuine theory-crafting. I'm fully prepared to have some of these ideas be completely blown to smithereens come later chapters.

I'm not exagerrating when I call this rambling, so I'm putting it under a read-more.

I like to think that the Deltarune reality is the way it is because its Earth is just innately less magical. This is of course working under the assumption that Undertale's Earth is innately magical in some sense, with both monsters and humans pulling from that innate magic in their own ways.

DR monsters are still likely largely physiologically the same as UT monsters, but they can't effectively use their magic because almost all of it goes into sustaining their bodies. I'd wager that the limited magic they do have isn't even quite understood in-universe as being magic, if it's observed at all it's likely called something else. This difference is potentially also why they're more "sturdy" than their UT counterparts, since they never adapted to relying on environmental magic, potentially having slightly more physicality (although they presumably still turn to dust, so not too much more).

Humans on the other hand do not use magic at all, since there's no readily available source to draw it from. Hypothetically they could get and use magic in other ways, since it still exists outside of Dark Worlds to an extent, but I'd reckon these methods are either completely unknown due to a lack of research or are extremely underground/taboo (think about how Kris turned to "occult" stuff when trying to learn magic).

Less magic could potentially also help explain why the functionality of SOULS is unknown in Deltarune. In Undertale, monsters are said to be attuned to their SOULS due to their body being composed mostly of magic. So if DR monsters have less magic than UT monsters, or rather their bodies use it more stringently, this attunement might be dampened or outright nonexistent. This would then majorly stunt the study of souls in early history and limit the wider understanding of them.

Hell, I actually think that the line of logic I've presented here could even explain why Dark Fountains can be created in Deltarune in the first place. This was never a conclusion I was planning to come to, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense to me. Let me explain:

So there's a good possibility that "Darkness," the force that Deltarune's plot revolves around, also exists in Undertale. Entry No. 17 seems to imply this, since it's most likely from Gaster when he was the royal scientist. The very scant concrete, official information we have about Gaster actually does well to explain why he would know about it, since researching ways to draw energy from the Earth to create and maintain the CORE would naturally lead him to learning about darkness if it does indeed exist in Undertale. Now, if Gaster needed something like the CORE to even scratch the surface of what darkness is, then that would seem to suggest that it exists as a layer under the Earth's magic (not in a literal physical sense, I'm speaking metaphysically here). Normally, to draw power from the Earth you need determination, but I would assume the amount of DT an individual would need to reach past magic and into darkness is insurmountable for even the most determined human. But, in a world virtually without magic, one like Deltarune's, darkness is allowed to bubble up from the depths.

[silverskye13]

Hi, I just came from reading the last chapter of RnS, and I am once again shaking by how strong it made me feel, which is also finally giving me the strength to ask this, finally.

How do you write compelling, logical emotions? Like, you are writing as you go, and yet I go back and everything reads with such a sound conclusion, like the characters are feeling what they're meant to be feeling, like their emotions are deeply complex and it's just, how? Are there any tips you can give?

Have you studied any writing theory, or have you got any advice on dissecting pieces of writing for improvement? Because I feel like there's oh so much I can get from "improving from writing more"

Thank you for the kind words. Gosh I'm glad the emotions all make sense. I feel like that's one of the harder things to juggle -- especially when posting chapter by chapter, where sometimes weeks go by between scenes. It gets easy to lose things.

Answers to questions [as best I can] under the cut, because I can see this getting long and rambly.

How do I write compelling, logical emotions?

Uhm! This is a bit hard for me to articulate, because writing emotions is very intuitive to me. I'm a very emotionally aware person -- generally speaking I can recognize how I'm feeling and why very quickly within myself. That, I think, helps being able to write them. But some tips that are hopefully helpful:

Study yourself Emotional intelligence aside, the best way to write feelings is to figure out what they feel like. It doesn't have to be in-depth. You don't have to psychoanalyze yourself. It is enough to be able to go "I'm nervous. My stomach feels tied in knots, my throat is dry." or "I'm happy. I feel like I could dance, there's energy I need to get rid of. I feel full to bursting." Any time you've read something and gone "Oh god, that's exactly what that feels like!" It's because someone sat down and studied it for a few minutes. Sit with the uncomfortable feelings, or bask in the good ones. Root yourself in the moment and really stew. It doesn't have to be for big life events. If a movie makes you feel excited, just take a second to describe how it feels. If a book makes you cry, give a thought to what the tears are like. The next time you sit down to write a feeling, you might not be able to remember exactly what it felt like, but you will probably remember the words you attached to it.

Emotions in real life aren't logical, but stories are If you've ever gotten really angry, or really sad, or just any Big emotion, you know they're often overwhelming and paralyzing in their own special little ways. It is so easy to get swept up in the feeling of a thing that your brain turns off, and your body does crazy irrational things, and then its hours later and you've calmed down and it feels like you'll never get that emotion back again, because it was just so... much. That is allowed to exist in a story, but writing incomprehensible feelings takes your reader out of it after awhile. We need something to stay rooted in, if only so we have a reason the character is feeling as they are. Story emotions have a beginning, middle and end that you can chart. We see what causes them, we feel them, they come down from the high, and then they get a resolution. All of that doesn't have to happen at the same time. The character can feel anger over something and it drives their progression for the rest of the book. But, if at the end of the story, we don't see a resolution, it gets harder to believe -- even if in real life, emotions aren't always nearly so neatly tied. [Depending on the type of story you're writing, sometimes you might choose to intentionally leave emotions unresolved by the end, but generally they're still addressed in a "X was still angry, and would always be, but life moves on" sort of way. As long as it was an intentional choice that thought was put into, and that's evident in the character, people will believe it on a writing/empathy level.]

Emotions keep your character relatable, so keep them reasonable Emotions are how your readers connect with your character. Its the little moments where you get into their head and empathize where your attachments grow. Being able to see not only that a character is feeling something, but also see why they feel that way, does a lot of heavy lifting for making you like a character. Even if their feelings are inherently irrational [ie. thinking your friend hates you because they don't want to hang out one day], if you know why the character would feel that way [main character has social anxiety, which has been a problem through the whole book] you can sympathize with them, and care about their struggles.

Think about body language There is so much more to emotion than just "his stomach tied itself in knots" and "his anger was a lightning strike." Emotions are movements and mannerisms. Even something as simple as pacing can convey a thousand different things: quick steps, talking with your hands, in fast circles, leaning forward, beaming [Excited, sharing ideas]. Slow, ponderous steps back and forth in a line down the hall, hands clasped behind your back, brow drawn, gaze low [Contemplative, troubled, turning an idea over and over]. Stomping, storming, glowering, fists clenched, stopping sometimes in front of the door you're pacing in front of, scowling and turning back to your solitude [angry, bracing yourself for an unpleasant confrontation, could be calming down or could be building yourself up to something]. Body language can sometimes convey more of an emotion to the reader than writing how the feeling feels can, especially in a limited POV where you're only inside one character's head.

Physical pacing to show emotion, through word choice Make. Your readers feel things. With punctuation. This is where reading poetry will really help your writing, tbh. Poetry is where punctuation gets really contemplative, really intentional, and you can use that to your advantage in prose too. My thoughts are running. You can tell they're running because I'm in a rush and the words are longer and this sentence is running just like I am. It's one step over and over and over, and ignoring periods for commas because commas feel a little more like a step and less like a hard rest -- and sometimes you do breaks because it feels like a tumble what does this make you feel? It's breathless your readers are waiting for you to stop so they can stop reading and it feels distressing like maybe it's panic or thinking too quick and -- There's something. Creeping. Up on you. A hesitant feeling, like a predator in the grass. There is something disjointed here. In the sentences. The hard stops make you pause. The longer sentences lull you into something. It feels off-balance. Unsafe. Are you scared? Hesitating? What is it, exactly, creeping? You can also get really crazy with it. A character isn't thinking clearly so y o u s ss t art b r e a k i n g up t he wo r d s. You have to be careful. It has to be legible still. But it can be bold, and it can mean something and it can be eye catching and it can be a thought without acknowledgement. Play in the space! Words are toys.

Emotions are your stakes, just as much as bodily harm is If your readers care about how your characters feel, you have a compelling tool to drive their care for the rest of the plot. It's not just bad enough that they could be physically hurt by a situation, putting them in emotional distress makes your readers distressed. This does, however, need balance. In the same way you wouldn't keep your foot on the gas in a car at all times from point A to point Z, lingering too long on one emotion when your readers are invested emotionally drains your readers. There needs to be periods of rest and happiness, to balance the periods of emotional turmoil, guilt, and apathy. If you've ever read a book and thought "Man this character is a crybaby, they never stop whining" or "this book is making me depressed. Everything keeps going wrong all the time!" the balance is skewed too far towards the sad/depressive emotions, and you are emotionally distancing yourself as a result. Something similar happens the other way, if you ever read something and feel like the characters are never in danger, or the plot isn't taking itself seriously. Everyone's tolerance for this is different, but generally speaking, adding small moments of comedy and levity to temper hardship can go a long way to keeping your characters emotionally relatable -- so many people cope with humor anyway.

Read and analyze what you like in other works For the same reason people trace a drawing when they're trying to figure out how the original artist drew it, for the same reason you first knit a pattern instead of knitting a sweater from scratch, pick up a book you love, that gets you emotionally invested in the characters, and really pick apart why you like it. Write down words or descriptions you thought hammered an idea home. Reread a scene once or twice and feel your heart squirm over it and ask yourself why? Just, sink your teeth in and analyze. It helps a lot.

And on the subject of analysis...

Have I studied any writing theory, or have I got any advice on dissecting pieces of writing for improvement?

Also kind of hard to answer! Specifically because I haven't studied much writing theory, outside of reading comprehension classes in high school that I'm 10 years removed from now. If I had to give advice, I think it would have to be from my experience which is: Read a lot and take notes.

You're correct, "practice writing" can only get you so far, in the sense that anything in a vacuum is hard to learn from. If I've only ever eaten a PB&J, it's gonna be real hard to learn how to make spaghetti. Chances are I don't even know tomatoes exist. So, read a lot, and read critically, and take notes.

When I say read critically: I mean read with your eyes open. Ask yourself "why?" as often as you can. A book makes you cry, why? Is it specific to the character? Is it because you want them to be happy or because they're going through something you've been through? A book makes you frustrated, why? Was an important plot point forgotten? Are the characters hard to understand? If so, why are they hard for you to understand? Does the author not explain their motives correctly, does it feel like you skipped a chapter? Or is it because their motives are understandable but you still think what they're doing is stupid? I recommend going back and reading your favorite book with that lens. "This is the best fight scene I've ever read!" Why? Was it important to the characters and therefore important to you? Did it wrap up a plot point well? Was it just fun watching the bad guy get beat up?

I learned how to do this first with descriptions. A few years ago I was reading Kings of the Wyld, and about halfway through the book I realized I thought Nicholas Eames was the best writer I'd ever read. That's objectively untrue, I'm sure there's some better, but it's how I felt and I wanted to know why. So I read the book again. I figured out it was because his descriptions were great. It wasn't just that I could see what was going on in my head, the descriptions told me things about the world.

"The wheat was as gold as the Summer Lord's beard." It's autumn, the wheat is ready to harvest and they have a god named the Summer Lord who is cloaked in gold. That's a lot of information packed into one sentence.

"He had learned long ago that harboring regrets was akin to stashing embers in your pockets: hopeless and bound to hurt." That says so much about the character. He has regrets, ones he's worried over so much he's learned how futile it is. And the image of someone holding onto embers because maybe they deserve that pain is poignant and relatable. We have all done something we regret.

I started writing down all the descriptions of his that I liked, picking them apart to see how they work. I like descriptors that inform you about the world, that are unique to the character, and that are rooted in the physical. I think that's successful writing, so I emulate it.

If you want to get better at writing, really study the stuff you like and ask yourself why you like it. If you can't do it in your head, if you can't just read a book and figure out what went well, write it down! It doesn't have to be a 10 page paper. Just writing "I loved X character and I think xyz reason is why" is enough to get you started. The more you practice figuring out what you like, the better you'll get at identifying and describing it. The more you know about those things, the better you can transfer it into your own work. Study can be really fun when you really dig your elbows into it.

I also think it's equally useful to do this to media you don't like. Pick a book you hate and do the same thing. Why don't you like it? Is it because you don't like the themes, or because the characters were too frustrating to relate to? Was it because the plot seemed forced? Were there plot points and ideas that seemed awesome that the author just ignored? Figure out what you don't like, what you think doesn't work, so you can figure out how to avoid it.

The thing about studying anything is: everything has rules. Learn the rules. Learn why the work [or why they don't]. That's studying.

Learning when its appropriate to follow or break them, that's writing.

This turned into a very, very long rant! Hopefully it helps :'D if not, my apologies.

[ddarker-dreams]

THAT GOJO FIC THOUGH??? an absolute masterpiece and soooo beautifully written. definitely felt super in character for him - equal parts eerie, entitled, and light-hearted? loved loved loved it.

i’m curious (not necessarily a request…unless?) just want to pick your brain about what that relationship between gojo and reader might look like as adults or a few years in the future. does his yandede tendency worsen? does reader ever try to leave or just accept how things are? what, if anything, would anger your interpretation of yan!gojo? how does he keep reader under his thumb for so many years? do others understand what he’s doing and what their relationship truly is? what even is their relationship? haha i’m so sorry i just loved your gojo so much and am foaming at the mouth for any more scraps you may have to offer

THANK YOU VERY MUUUUUUUUUCH there's something about questionable men that turns my pupils into hearts each and every time.

as for your questions, let's see... first and foremost, i've decided that the fic i discussed writing is like the 'baseline' universe with 'it's graduation, isn't it?' being a branching yandere narrative (or AU i guess)?? i came up with a backstory for the darling in IGII and thought it had enough potential to be explored further. so, all this to say that i'm working on the main story right now which will flesh out reader's relationship with shoko, geto, and gojo in particular. this'll give additional context to the relationship gojo and reader have in the yandere fic! for their time in high school, i've decided to split the story into three main arcs, each one taking place during reader's time as a first year, second year, and third year. (i have ideas for post high school-to the present day in when the main events of JJK pick up, but i'll focus on that later).

here's a general overview of the start of the fic. presently, its working title is 'golden girl.'

2005 — reader's first year arc.

takes place primarily from reader's perspective with the occasional shift to omniscient perspective. reader's from another country, so she's unfamiliar with all the politics/bureaucracy in japan's jujutsu scene. in-depth look at her first day at jujutsu tech, her initial impressions of shoko, gojo, and geto. gojo does something that reader views as irresponsible, kickstarting their decades long relationship with reader disliking him 😭

exploring the quintet's dynamic with one another. reader still thinks gojo is annoying, is okay with geto but finds something about him mildly unnerving, gets along best with shoko. gojo has intense 'kindergarden boy pulling the hair of the girl he has a crush on' energy. reader sloooooooowly warms up to him.

reader at this point has a rose-tinted view of jujutsu society. while she isn't ignorant to the reality sorcerers face when going about their jobs, she assumes everyone at the top must get along so everyone can best preserve the public's safety. can't fathom why it'd be any different. as such, the story's tone up until this point has a slice of life-esque vibe.

the first real conflict in this arc comes in the form of an assignment gojo, geto, and reader receive. a zenin sorcerer got whooped on what should've been an easy job, dirtying the family's image. to rectify this, the zenins pester jujutsu tech to send in the heavy artillery (aka gojo and geto) so it looks like the job was so difficult, some of the best sorcerers had to handle it. reader is also requested to join them for reasons that'll be revealed later.

(more under the cut because whewie this got long)

gojo and geto can pretty much see through the petty politics going on. they explain the machinations to reader, who decides to take the assignment serious regardless. gojo in particular is very blasé about the entire thing because one, that big ass ego and two, he's a teen. bad combo.

the assignment itself takes place in an abandoned nursery on the outskirts of nagoya. here, the three encounter the curse 'the caretaker' and its 'little ones.' now it's psychological horror time. gojo's arrogance exacerbated by reader's insistence on following protocol clash bad. the fight ends up not being so simple after all due to the curse's abilities. they eventually realize reader's cursed technique is Suspiciously best suited to work as a counter, but at grave risk and damage to herself. thanks zenins. ultimately, reader pulls it off, but receives heavy injuries in the process. gojo and geto are pissed about this entire thing. character development for the squad that'll play into their themes into adulthood (gojo's wish to upend the higher-ups, geto's disillusionment with jujutsu society, and a secret third thing for reader).

in what will serve as a parallel for post star plasma arc, the three are able to 'overcome' the event enough and grow closer for it. everyone's coping mechanisms kinda sucks but not to the degree it'll suck after the events of post star plasma arc.

reader's like oh boy, that was an eventful first year haha! i sure hope my second year isn't anywhere near as chaotic haha! :)

as for where the narrative would branch into a yandere AU, that'd take place mostly in reader's third year. personally, i think gojo would be a bit of an unhealthy weirdo no matter what in a romantic relationship, but just not to the Full yandere extent. so you'll see him up to some questionable shenanigans even in the main fic.

i apologize, i ended up laser focusing on gojo's relationship with reader so much that i didn't really answer your other questions GJSDKLFS i just feel like the events of the main story will go on to shape yandere and non yandere gojo's behavior with reader enough that without context, it won't make as much sense.

[the-way-astray]

HEY so I skim read your new Keefe hate post and I have some thoughts I'd like to share (all good ones!!)

As someone who also wrote a very long essay about [a] fictional character(s) while citing the page number and book word by word, you freaking ACED it. I'm always gonna be impressed when people take the time to cite your source and give a in depth explanation about it

You're lowkey not too wrong about Keefe infantilizing Sophie. For something silly and stupid, like "Iggy ate my mallowmelt!! >:( Now im mad!!" yeah I bet Sophie would seem cute lol. But for when she's genuinely angry and pissed?? Maybe lay off a little bit dude 😭 Like cmon she can murder you with her mind- There are moments where he does talk about how powerful she is though, throughout the series, but tbh as much as he does that he probably inhantilize her too *shrug* I need to reread the series, but you are making some sense.

I need Keefe getting mad and someone asking him if he's on his period LMAOOOO

Anyways as someone who loves Keefe you're making valid points. He has his flaws, and sometimes he isn't the best person. In summary

Never post that on pinterest. Those crazy Keefe loving, Fitz hating, Sokeefe shipping 11 year olds will MURDER YOU. I will respect your opinion, but they sure don't.

(your opinion is valid and you have facts *clap and approving nod* you have my respect.)

the post in question

okay, first of all, i need this essay immediately. i literally do not care what it's about but words! lots of words! about kotlc! need.

ooh, thank you so much! i mentioned this in the post itself, but this is a rework. the quotes were originally in one post (copy-pasted from another post) and the explanation was in a reblog, which was hella annoying, so i condensed them. i suppose it does make much more sense now. and my explanation is based in the fact that i don't think people were understanding why this isn't a good thing to be saying, period, when i posted it for the first time. even without context.

yeah, keefe displays a consistent attitude of "sophie is so adorable and small and cute and ditzy and soft". seriously, if you don't believe me, read his perspective in unlocked (or don't, because i'm going to do it for you in my part two keefe rant). it's why i don't buy his accepting sophie as a leader in stellarlune (done in a very, very tell-not-show way, may i add), unless he went through some serious development in unraveled. i may have to dedicate a whole post to that topic . . . anyway, yeah, him calling her powerful and talented feels very, very, very tell-not-show, and when you look at his internal thoughts in unlocked, it portrays her very differently. i'm not a fact of the way he sees her, truly. it feels very dumbed down and uwu-ified. no quotes from unlocked have been put into the post, so i'll have to update it later, but if i included unlocked quotes, this post would be like sixteen times its length. but yeah, you should reread the series before you come to a serious opinion. i'm obviously incredibly biased.

GOODBYE I WAS CITING THAT POST BECAUSE IT GAVE OFF THE EXACT ENERGY I FEEL KEEFE GIVES OFF . . . I DON'T EVEN THINK ELVES HAVE PERIODS (please nobody bring back that cursed discussion again, please, i beg) BUT YOU'RE SO CORRECT. SOMEONE WRITE A HUMAN AU WHERE THIS HAPPENS IMMEDIATELY

yay, a level-headed keefe lover, i love you guys. lol . . . i don't plan to go on pinterest anytime soon, or ever (and i also don't even think pinterest's format even allows for a long post like this . . . ). honestly the thought would have never even crossed my mind, because keepblr is my one true love and i'd never cheat on her. but now that you mention it, it might be funny . . .

[yuesya]

Okay now I just have to ask. After Satoru kills Toji what happens then. Does Satoru heal shiki's eye? Doe she remain half blind and is demoted a rank? Or does she find a way to unlock reversed cursed technique as well? Will she go up a rank ( assuming that she's a grade one at 16/17 ) ?

You don't have to answer all my questions, I was just kinda wondering.

"You're an idiot."

Shiki sniffs, "I don't want to hear that from you."

Her cousin scoffs, and moves to sit on the ground beside her, arms haphazardly thrown over his legs. "What, you think I'm lying?"

The girl crosses her arms, ignoring the burst of pain that accompanies that movement, and does not respond. As much as it galls her to admit, he's not wrong.

Looking at the situation logically... Shiki should've ran and reported the situation or called for backup the instant she'd seen that Zenin man standing over Satoru's corpse. Anyone who was capable of taking Satoru down without a scratch like that was definitely more than capable of going toe-to-toe with her and likely putting her down as well. And that wasn't even taking into account the man's insane physical capabilities.

Heavenly Restriction was quite terrifying, wasn't it?

... But it hadn't occurred to her to run. The only thought that had been left in her mind was kill, a singularly overwhelming desire that had taken over her entire being.

Satoru always needles her about being a born killer for her instincts, but contrary to what he or anyone else might believe, Shiki has never experienced bloodlust.

Not until today, at least. And as for what she has to show for it...

The girl blinks tiredly with her one remaining eye. Sitting down like this in the aftermath of everything, she can't believe that she'd continued charging that Zenin like a deranged animal while missing half her field of view and with her sense of visual depth shot to hell.

(But at least it wasn't an entire loss.)

"Does it hurt?"

"What do you think?" Shiki deadpans. "Want me to gouge out an eye from your face?"

"Excuse you, that was a yes or no answer," Satoru raises a hand as if to shove her, then takes another look at her bloodied, disheveled state and seems to think the better of it. "... Man, you really need to get on top of learning Reverse Cursed Technique so you can keep yourself in one piece. It's just multiplying negative and negative to get positive energy."

"Don't make me hit you."

Her cousin laughs. "As if you can hit me in the first place!"

Certainly not in her current condition, at least. "What did you do to get the Sorcerer Killer coming after you, anyways? It's not like you to pick pointless fights."

"He was after Amanai, the Star Plasma Vessel," Satoru shrugs. "Not that it matters anymore."

Shiki hums in vague agreement.

The two sit together peacefully in silence on the stone steps for a moment. Neither look back at the cooling corpse of the Zenin behind them.

"You should be Special Grade," Satoru breaks the silence. "I saw you fight. You more than qualify for the rank, even with only one eye. I'll nominate you for it."

"Don't bother," Shiki shakes her head. "With only one eye, I'll be lucky not to be demoted to Semi-Grade One. We both know the reason why I'm not already ranked as Special Grade, anyways. Two Special Grade sorcerers from the Gojo Clan? The Kamo and Zenin will riot."

It had always irked her, that Satoru was Special Grade and she wasn't and would never be-

But somehow, rankings suddenly don't really seem to matter anymore.

Funny, isn't it?

...

(Geto is the one who finds them later, falling asleep on top of each other and bleeding out in front of the jujutsu school. Shiki only has half a mind to register Wait, is that the Star Plasma Vessel? Aren't they supposed to merge with Tengen? before she's out like a light again.

It's been quite an eventful day.)

[rachelsshowerthoughts]

Far too sleepy to conjugate this Aware AU thought but given the kids evolving understanding of their own status as victims and the specifics of their abuse and their parents actions.

I do wonder if Chloe picked up on some of the scummier stuff indicated by Andre's actions?

Like, on one hand's she'd definitely know 'something' is off once she's keyed into the fact he does not care and just throws money at her until he wants her around for a photo op or to play pretend.

But I don't think she'd necessarily key into the fact his enabling of her lifelong Audrey imitation comes from more than negligence. Which I maintain is does cos we know he made some efforts to...

'Parent'

At least in the sense he gave her advice on school elections and would sometimes be cajoled into helping with stuff like that. None of it requiring ay emotional labor on his part of course, nor actually effective parenting, but it was something of an attempt.

Thus, given Chloe's impersonating has last for years but also subtly shifted in how its directed at Andre, that feels deliberate.

One can argue it was unconscious, but still required decisions.

Anyway point being, I am unsure she'd realize that side of things right off the bat, but instead have it as some kind of rude awakening. Like she thought she had all this on lokc and understood.

Her mom is hateful & cruel and never loved her, enjoys hurting her as much as anyone else & does not want her to succeed or outshine her.

Her father is selfish and only superficially cares, he only wants a daughter when it suits him & otherwise just wants her out of the way.

Then this realization hits, maybe just life stuff, maybe the lead in to that scene I shared with Adrien & Nino & her storming in, maybe due to an alt Maladiktator or someone else notes it?

Madame Bustier taking Andre out 'for' Chloe still rings to me as her identifying the main issue at the very least, though how much she knows or thinks is up in the air.

...

Gosh this is grim, even the most charitable read to Andre is fucked up.

Cano you believe I got her cos I realize Maladikator probably wouldn't happen as Chloe would not want Audrey to stick around?

Added note:

Cousin not required but just imagining one of the club members, maybe for fun points Lila, overhearing Bob Ross's "My talent-less son!" and just being like, "We are no longer only recruiting fourteen year old's, welcome our newest member, XY!" - "How did they get here so fast?" - "Trade secret." (Miraculous)

(May your sleep be peaceful! This will still be here if you want to respond later!)

I think Chloé would take a while to get the . . . I don’t know, depth? Of her father's fucked up-ness? Cause, like.

Ok, the way I see it - Emilie disappears. Adrien starts falling apart, and Chloé is the only one really there to pick up the pieces. In addition, let's say that summer was some kind of show or event, that meant Chloé was also dealing with both her mom and dad A LOT. So, as Adrien is having realizations about HIS dad (with grief as the catalyst), it triggers Chloé's realizations about HER parents. I imagine there's some shouting matches (maybe they want Chloé to be at some event, Chloé is refusing cause Adrien needs her, there is screaming, Chloé doesn’t go, backlash, etc,etc,) but with Audrey, the realization happens all at once.

Chloé always KNEW, on some level, that Audrey doesn’t care about her. It might have taken different forms, but this is where Chloé would realize it’s more than that. Audrey doesn’t just not like her, she straight up doesn’t LOVE her. The only care Audrey has for Chloé is as a possession. And this is a horrible thing to realize, it fucks Chloé up, but it also isn’t exactly NEW information. Chloé is AWARE her mother doesn’t like her, she just thought that, before, it was something she could change, could do something about. Now she knows that she can't do anything, so fuck it! Screw you, Mom, I'll do what I want! (I imagine Chloé hits that "manic energy, let's-fuck-shit-up!" phase of a breakdown, and then just keeps periodically ending up there. Makes a bonfire of all the shoes her mom has ever sent her - or sends them all to charity, whichever would piss her off more.)

But André would be harder, because even if he DOESN'T actually love Chloé, he's much better at acting like he does. And Chloé would have some genuine affection for him, so I think it would take longer. Maybe go through stages?

Like, at first, Chloé sees her dad as a coward. He bends to everything Audrey (or Chloé) wants, never really stands up for himself. Chloé is MAD at him, for not seeing how damaging Audrey is, for always bending to her will. She wants to spend as little time with him as possible, because he keeps trying to play "peacemaker", and Chloé is furious. Can’t he see what she's doing!? What she's ALWAYS been doing!? Why take HER side, isn’t Chloé his daughter!? Does that matter at all!? How dare he, how DARE he-!!

But, again, André is the parent who actually shows affection, and who Chloé spends most of her time with (vs Audrey, who only shows up when it suits her. I imagine André at least made token efforts to be there for Chloé, regardless of motivations). That confuses Chloé, cause she's thinking of "abuse" (not that she's calling it that) within a specific context. Audrey, Gabriel, Tomoe . . . there are differences, but on some level, all are strict control freaks, who need everything to go their way. As long as André is getting the attention he wants, he's much more flexible, so he muddled things a bit. So Chloé thinks about it, and she's spending time with Adrien, Kagami, Sabrina, and . . . ok, hear me out.

Marinette has, at some point, been brought in as Kagami's friend, and at least now is AWARE of the home lives of everyone else. And she's horrified, but she also introduces the idea that maybe André or Emilie were victims too. Cause the thing about abusive relationships, is that it’s someone conditioning you to react a certain way, to not realize something is fucked up. Most people IN abusive relationships don’t realize that the relationship they are in is abusive, cause most don’t start out that way. It’s slow, incremental changes you don’t realize are happening, until someone is looking in from the outside like "WHAT THE FUCK, how did you not NOTICE!?", but it was so slow, you didn’t notice at all, until the knife was at your throat. And Marinette is enough of an optimist (plus full of misplaced guilt) that she desperately doesn’t want BOTH parents of her friends to be abusive jackasses, so what if André and Emilie are trapped in these relationships? What if they need rescuing?

And Chloé ALSO wants that, so now she starts seeing her dad through that lens too. And I can see it leading WEIRD PLACES, cause now Chloé feels she has to PROTECT HER DAD. So, she's spending more time with him, she's trying to subtly hint about divorce, she's getting into screaming matches with Audrey, defending her dad, cause at least he was THERE when she was growing up!! Audrey, of course, sees it as a challenge, so starts getting André to take her on more dates, spend more time together, which Chloé does her level best to sabotage - can't have her dad stuck with HER! André, meanwhile, is soaking all this up. His wife and daughter, fighting for his attention? It’s really feeding his ego, to feel this important, so he starts INCITING these incidents himself. What does he care how it’s hurting anyone else, it’s proving how IMPORTANT he is, isn’t it?

I can see Chloé eventually getting Akumatized, to go after Audrey (defend, have to defend), and André trying once again to mitigate the situation - it’s all okay, dear! It just means we love each other! So, Akuma!Chloé tries to use her powers to show him Audrey DOESN'T love them, and. Well. That . . . does happen. Both André and Chloé can see, feel, that Audrey doesn't love them. But. Well, André KNOWS that. He gets that Audrey doesn’t love him, but still deems him important to her, and that’s what feeds his ego. While Audrey knows that André loves her as a status symbol, as something to boost himself, which she deems acceptable, as it allows her to control him.

But the connection works both ways, so. Chloé can feel how much Audrey doesn't love her, but aLeo how André DOESN'T actually love her. Can feel how shallow it is, how thin, how it's tied into his own ego and pride. She can feel from both of them, how there isn’t any love, any care, for Chloé herself as more than anything but a possession. And even if, on some level, she knew that, it’s different to having it CONFIRMED.

And with that connection still in place, both Audrey and André can feel Chloé's heart shatter as her love for them dies and turns to despair . . . and neither of them understand it at all.

The "fight" afterward can barely be called that. It’s Chat Noir holding Akuma!Chloé as she breaks down, while Ladybug gently breaks the item, casts the cure. When the Akuma is purified, André, of course, tries to patch things up - are you ok, dear? See, your old man is fine! - but this time, Chloé doesn’t even let him get close. She turns, walks away. Cause, those Akumatized might not remember much, but big moments? Emotional moments? They remember those, so Chloé remembers. She remembers the sensation, the feeling, of knowing her parents don’t love her. That to them, it’s all a game they want to win. Well, fine then. If they want to play that game, go ahead. Have fun. Enjoy yourselves. It clearly matters more than she does, so that’s it. She's out. Chloé isn’t playing this game anymore.

She's done.

(Chloé calls XY, asks her cousin if she can chill on his couch for a few days. XY, just freed from his dad, says sure, is everything cool?

Not even 24 hours later, XY is calling up the lawyer who helped him get out from under his dad. Does he know anyone with a background in custody battles?)

@tumblingxelian

[theawakenedstate]

7 Powerful Strategies for a Structured & Consistent Spiritual Growth Journey (With a Spiritual Planner)

If you were to sit down at a coffee shop with me and ask what was the top spiritual growth lesson I learned this year, I might surprise you with my answer. The hugest thing I learned this year was Strategy! Specifically, Structure, Organization, and Strategy naturally enhance my Intuitive Flow aka Spiritual Alignment. This gives me back my Time, Energy and Focus. I know it shocked me too when I started thinking about it.

At the start of the year, I enrolled in a very in-depth marketing course and it changed my entire content creation world! Have you noticed? 😉 The Main Aha moment from the entire program was that I realized how much I was lacking strategy across the board of my own life, so I started expanding that outward to other areas of my life.

Some of these being Fitness, my Spiritual practice, Goal Setting Process, My Meal Prep in the kitchen, my content Process and so forth. I’m going to be honest with you, if I can find a way to get out of doing things manually or Creating more Flow in my workflow – I am the first to do it!

Structure is not a bad thang.

Why Do We Need More Structure, Organization, and Strategy as a Spiritual Person?

The Short Answer: Awareness. As a Spiritual person bringing more Mindfulness and Conscious Awareness into my life has consistently proven to be the strongest method to Personal Well-being,Positive Mental Health and Emotional Empowerment. Why?

Conscious Awareness is the dynamic opposite of reactive behavior.

Without Structure, Organization, or Strategy, we’re just a loose cannon floating in the wind without a purpose to our actions. Without awareness, We cannot create real change. In other words, we’re either more reactive or running on unconscious impulses in our everyday decisions. I invite you to consider how many times you impulsively open an app on your phone and get back to me on that….how many times did you click it?

As we live in the digital age of society, we have to be aware of how much Reactive behavior is created purely from External Influence in our day-to-day lives for our own mental and emotional health.

Examples of reactive Influence:

For example, Your goal today is to Film a Video for Youtube. Scenario: scroll Instagram, you say 5 mins of scrolling. You see someone’s post about the full moon and then you get in your head ‘maybe i should be making a post about the full moon too?!” Suddenly half an hour later, you’re on Canva designing the perfect Full Moon Post. You didn’t realize you were actually procrastinating and forgot about the video! Or how about this one:

You read about the latest conspiracy theories and suddenly you’re externally influenced by them. Then you decide to start doom scrolling and suddenly you’re feeling paranoid or unsafe to leave the house! As Spiritual People, It’s important to have Mental Discipline to promote more mindfulness and conscious awareness so we can reduce our reactive thoughts with pure conscious thought. This helps your Intuition the most, besides it’s better for your health too.

One of the Strongest ways to do this is with more Structure, Strategy, or Intentional Planning!

The Benefits of Structure & Intentional Planning

When it comes to Structure usually one of the hugest excuses we put up is that “it’s not intuitive” to plan or structure our day. There is often a language of “I can’t use strategy because I lose my Flow or Intuition”. WRONG. This is what I’ve discovered:

1. You Have the Right Mindset to Accomplish Your Tasks naturally enhancing your Intuition

I actually find the opposite to be true. The more I’m intentional, I am literally programming my mind towards exactly what I wish to achieve and the mindset I need to go with it. This naturally enhances my intuition and I’m more likely to tap into Magnetic Aligned Action in my daily tasks, like a mofo GPS programmed to a destination!

2. You’re Naturally More Consistent with your Spiritual Practice

When we add more structure or Strategy to our Spiritual practice we are more likely to show up consistently to it. This allows us to give up our excuses of “I never have time, space or energy for my spiritual growth, journaling or yoga practice”. Also with the benefit of more structure, you’re more committed to doing the Inner work and Meeting the Promises you make to yourself. Hence More Confidence & Soul Certainty! (Solar plexus Chakra empowered! )

3. You Gain Back Your Time and Even Energy

Do you know how much, wasted energy goes into something when we’re not structured on the goal, task, or outcome? Sure we can argue here that Flow takes us on detours for a reason. However, think about how much time is often wasted when we’re not even clear or Intentional about what we’re going to do. For example, If you know what you’re going to eat for dinner tonight, you are less likely to spend an hour trying to figure out What’s for dinner or rummaging in the cabinets for ideas. Then on Hungry impulse, you make something really unhealthy because you’re now starving. In the same way, If you have a sacred space you go to each morning at 8 am to journal or meditate, you are more likely to show up and just do it. Instead of, you know waffling around with your own resistance and ego mind-chatter talking you out of it. Likewise, If you put on your workout gear, with the sporty bra, you are more likely to just jump into your workout. Case in point. Structure changes lives. 😉

So now that we know the benefits of Structure, What are some easy ways you can start to Incorporate More Structure into your Spiritual Life? We all need a little bit of Order inside of all of this collective chaos, right? Right.

7 Ways To Track, Plan, and Create More Structure for Your Spiritual Growth Journey

Since I carry my own Spiritual Awakened Life Digital planner with me every day and it helps clear my head on the daily, I started adding more of my spiritual growth into my Daily Planner. It felt pretty natural to start adding my spiritual journey into my daily, weekly & monthly planning sessions. Now when I go to Plan my Entire Week, I have my Birds Eye View of my Momma Everyday Tasks, My Career Tasks, and My Spiritual Growth all together! This helps me stay organized and helps my Mental well-being too.

Let’s be frank, Writing things down keeps my mind clear and sane. I am less stressed when I write things down, this makes me naturally more Intuitive and Present-minded.  Here are 7 ways I track and structure My Life included in both my planner & Journal

1 – Break down your Entire Week with Intentionality

Do you know what’s happening during the entire week or are you flying blind by the seat of your pants? Probably the most used page in my entire planner is The Weekly Intentions Page.

At the start of the week, I allow myself some time to loosely plan what my focus is for the week with Intention. Each day is broken down, I see my weekly schedule. I write down my Self-care ideas, Mind-Body Spiritual Practices, What I want to work on for fitness, business, Important Dates I have, School or family gatherings, Fun Activities, and so forth. I plan the Bird’s eye view of All of my goals both Spiritual, lifestyle, and business. There is something about the Bird eye’s view of my schedule that just clears my brain completely.

2 – Use Habit Trackers For Your Meditation or Spiritual Practice

One of the most unconventional things I do for my Spiritual practice is I like to use Habit Trackers for Radical Conscious Awareness. This is a mini trick that I NEVER see mentioned in personal development and It’s helped me with Self-Awareness repeatedly so I can Track my consistency, emotions and energy levels. Habit Trackers are really helpful if you have a hard time Following through on your spiritual practice or you have a lot of excuses to commit to a practice (real talk). The Habit tracker gives you a reward system to promote consistency, discipline, and Structure! You know if you commit to 25 days of Meditation, you now have the Awareness of How often you are meditating vs. just going off your impulse of meditating when you feel like it. You can also set up habit trackers with a Fun End Goal in mind, like if you do 25 days of meditation you treat yourself to an oracle deck or a gourmet chocolate – depending on your personality this may or may not work for you. Play with it!

In general, incorporating Habit Trackers into ANY SKILL or HABIT you’re wishing to bring to life is so so good for increasing motivation and consistency in any skill. I cannot recommend Habit trackers enough for Conscious Awareness and more Mindfulness.

3 – Track Your Self-Care & Mental Wellness

Another way you can Track Your Spiritual Growth with more Structure is to lay out a Self-Care Plan! With a Holistic Wellness Tracker you can Write down your weekly plan of Self-care & mental health. For example: How many hours you slept, your Spiritual practice, self-care routine, mindset work, Daily Joy and even Creativity. Keeping track of your Mental Wellness, allows you to see where you may be lacking. Maybe you need more daily joy, mindset love, consistency of spiritual practice or more daily recharge with a self-care ritual. When we keep track of our Mental Wellness, we’re more aware of how we might be letting things slip through the cracks like sleep or self-care for instance. This awareness also gives you a look into Why your mood or emotions might be behaving in a certain way. Now you’re aware you got only 5 hours of sleep last night, maybe you won’t be so hard on yourself that you’re not as productive as you should be. 🙂

4 – Increase Your Mindful Eating with a Food Log & Meal Prep

If you’re working on increasing more mindful eating, looking to lose weight, gain weight or simply eat more healthy, you could start recording a weekly food log for more Awareness. Some people are not aware of What They eat throughout an entire day or especially during the holidays! (guilty 🙂 ) This helps give you the Conscious Awareness of Tracking what you eat from Morning to Night. You might surprise yourself with this, maybe you’re not realizing what food groups you consistently crave or eat. In the same regard, maybe like me, your food diet has to change for your menstrual cycle and you cycle sync your diet around it. Being aware of the shift in what you’re eating during each phase of your cycle is also hugely beneficial to less painful symptoms and hormonal Mood swings.

Likewise, we have to talk about the Benefits of Meal Prepping! My man used to think I was crazy because I always Prep a week ahead on what i’m making for the week. Now I use Everyplate for designing my meal flow for the week and then on the weeks I don’t use Everyplate, I write down a list of ideas of new Pinterest recipes I want to try each day of the week. Maybe I don’t want a big fancy thing on Monday so this is an easy meal day and so forth. This is a very unconventional way to increase your Mindful Eating Habits by structuring ahead your meal plan for the week.

5 – The Mindful Breakfast of Champions: Using Daily Intentions in your Daily Schedule

Do you want to know How I stay organized with such a crazy schedule sometimes? One thing I cannot live without is my Daily Intentions! I always take the time every single morning to write my intentions for the day and often look at my planner for my daily schedule. (I’ll be honest, sometimes I am not THIS ORGANIZED with my schedule, I am a mom afterall and distractions happen allthetime…mylittlepony) but Daily Intentions are a MUST.

In my Spiritually Awakened Life Planner, I have it broken down by: Weekly Goals, Daily mantra/affirmation, Daily Vision, Spiritual Practice breakdown, Daily Joys, Movement Exercise isolation by muscle group, Daily Schedule, your Classic To-do List, followed by the big kahuna, Daily Intentions.

Do I do all of that every day 7 times a week? Not always, I like to take the weekends off and holidays 🤣 However, This combination keeps me Mentally Disciplined and Structured with Pure Intention for my Daily workflow. I’m like a Laser beam of intent when I do it!

Sometimes My Daily Schedule looks like this:

For example, After I do my Daily Affirmations and set up my Intentions, I look at asking myself: MIND: Did I do my daily journaling for my mindset and Intentions?

BODY: My Daily Movement and Muscle Isolation today?

SOUL: What is my spiritual practice today? WEEKLY GOALS: What’s my 3 Goals this week? TOP PRIORITIES: What are the Top 3 Things I must focus on today? BRAINDUMP TO-DOS: Write down my Daily To-do List. IMPORTANT DATES: What needs done this week? & What is happening? DAILY MANTRA: What is inspiring me lately? DESIRES: How do I desire to feel today? ➡️This Mindful Schedule setup allows me to easily live with more Intention in my Daily Routine and Spiritual Life. I invite you to consider: how can you start to add more Intention into your daily routine?

6 – Working with the Moon with Monthly Rituals

One way to bring more Flow into your Structure is by creating a practice of working with the Moon. You can set up New moon Intentions and Full Moon Releasing rituals to help you begin your journey into Moon Rituals. This is something I do periodically where I set up my Own Manifesting and Healing Rituals for the Moon. I use my Digital Planner as a Guide to help keep my notes in order.

You use the New Moon Sheets for your Goals and Intentions you wish to call in.

Then you use the Full Moon prompts for Healing, Releasing, Closure and Letting go.

It’s one of my favorite ways to add more rituals into my Spiritual Life. Working with the moon has enormous benefits to it. This is why I also recommend Moon charting If you’re new to working with the Moon so you can see the benefits yourself. Right now it’s featured in our Giftmas – 12 days of Gift giving for the Holidays.Try it out yourself!

7 – Yearly Vision & Goal Mapping Even By Quarter!

Here’s the truth, If you don’t sit down and ask yourself what you even want, how do you know? This is where Yearly vision and Goal Mapping come in. The #1 Way to get more Intentional with Spiritual Growth and Consistent Goals is to Know What you’re aiming at.

What is your Target? aka Your Vision, Goals & Soul Desires.

If you have no target – You have nothing to aim towards and this is what you tell the Universe. In my Spiritual Awakened Life Planner, There is Yearly Visioning, Quarter Goal Check in and Goal Mapping sheets. These help you develop clarity on your goals and desires, period. This is so you know how to go into the New Year with supreme FOCUS and know your WHY behind your Goals, keeping you in more alignment.

Getting Clear on your Spiritual Growth, regardless of what you’re wishing to accomplish, requires sitting down and looking at the Vision. You can’t get clear on growth or worry about your lack of consistency, if you don’t know what your direction even is. Likewise, you can’t make a resolution on trying to lose weight, without a REALISTIC PLAN to back that up.

Why Resolutions Often Fail is the Lack of Realism

This is why most resolutions fail. They don’t have the Mindset or Realism to back up their goals with consistent action due to lack of planning. The best way to add more Structure to your Spiritual Journey is to Get Clear on your goals. Do you have goals? What is the Vision for your Life? What do you even want? How do you desire to feel? Do your thoughts support your goals? Are you taking action on them? This is work we do heavily in Awaken Your Aligned Vision Workshop. The Workshop for Your New Year Goals to help set you up for success in the New Year. It’s now featured inside of The new Monthly Membership, The Soul-aligned Life Academy!

In conclusion, My biggest lesson of the year is that strategy is KEY to Intuitive Flow and Alignment. I know that Tracking my Spiritual growth, Daily Intentions & even goals in my one place every day lets me reflect. This is one of the most excellent ways to be consistent and add more structure to your Spiritual Awakened Life. I hope you enjoyed these powerful strategies to help you on your own spiritual growth journey.

How do you like to track your spiritual growth in your planner?

Drop a Comment and Let me know below!

Your Spiritual Growth is so important but are you consistent with it? Sure you could do All of this in a Journal or Squeeze into your Daily Lifestyle Planner…. However if you want everything just laid out for you, Check out my Spiritual Planner, The Spiritual Awakened Life Digital Planner. Available now in Celestial Midnight and Celestial Unicorn Design. A Perfect Companion for Your New Year Vision, Monthly Spiritual Goals, and Daily Intentional Planning. Find out more info and a BTS walkthrough below.

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/consistent-spiritual-growth/

7 Powerful Strategies for a Structured & Consistent Spiritual Growth Journey (With a Spiritual Planner)

If you were to sit down at a coffee shop with me and ask what was the top spiritual growth lesson I learned this year, I might surprise you with my answer. The hugest thing I learned this year was Strategy! Specifically, Structure, Organization, and Strategy naturally enhance my Intuitive Flow aka Spiritual Alignment. This […]

[cowardlybean]

GOING IN TEH ASKBOX TO BYPASS CHARACTER LIMITZ SORRY FOR INCOMING ESSAYZ

OKAY SO POINT 1 I think teh fact that Reigen is inspired by Mogami is SO interesting especially bc in 7th Div reigen is shocked to see psychics that aren’t Mob. I don’t know if hez just surprised that derez other people with Telekinesis powerz and not just spiritual stuff or if he thought Mogami was just a showman but it’d be rlly funny and interesting if itz teh latter . Reigen thinking that Mogami was also a fraud but a very talented dedicated one and maybe idolizing it th way you might idolize liek an actor in a movie . I imagine th details of Mogamis suicide are very unknown to th public since he kept so much hidden in his final years so all most people including Reigen really know is ‘mogamis mother died, mogami disappeared from the public eye, and some time later he killed himself’ . Reigen doesn’t I imagine know Any of th in depth bullshit but could at least extrapolate that th media and paparazzi were not kind about his mothers condition or his mental health . so during Separation Arc when reigen himself is experiencing th nightmare dimension and feeling like extremely alone falling into that swirling vortex he remembers mogami (moth imagery in teh alleyway baby!) and is liek Oh my god I can’t end up someone like that I have to make something of myself . But ends up just getting caught up in th vicious media cycle in an entirely different way though hez able to do what Mogami didn’t and call out to someone . something about fighting vicious cycles by being willing to swallow your pride and ask for help .

SECOND POINT I go back and forth on dis ! see in th manga it is very explicit that Mob has no one at home whatsoever but th anime seems more vague about it? we still don’t see his parentz but itz much less upfront about ‘mob has literally no one at home’ and I sometimes interpret it as liek . he is so lost in his own misery and wallowing that he doesn’t even interact with his family or process deir existence . and how falling into that pit of misery can hurt otherz around you as well as he just becomes so entrenched that it seems like he simply has no family . he has a brother but dey don’t talk , so ritsu doesn’t bother intervening with bullies , dey have no bond . he goes home to his parents’ house but goes straight to his room because he has no energy at all . I like dis interpretation bc it plays into Mogami only changing th bare minimum to make th point of ‘this could happen to you’ to Mob . BUT ive also seen it positioned as like . th idea that that level of depression and suffering can almost become absurd to th sufferer , so it makes sense for what is essentially a torture dimension like Mogamiland to take that literally and perform th absurdity of actually removing his family relations altogether . while I generally perceive Mogamiland as more down to earth (relatively speaking, it is still cartoonishly miserable bc even though th bad things aren’t unrealistic all joy and good has been surgically removed) th idea that Mob quite literally goes home to an empty house because hes reached an absurd level of suffering , th same as how Mogami refused to reach out to anyone or seek any help and instead chose to rot alone in his house (something its hard to be angry at him or blame him for but that hes still like, complicit in, if that makes sense?) with no one else . reflecting how deeply unrealistic th mentalities you develop at that low of a point are , Mogamiland itself becomes absurd and bends logic to keep Mob trapped and too miserable to question it . if itz th latter case of Literally No One i imagine th absurdity rules help tether reality together . he can function on school lunches because miserable people may eat very little , his house is empty and cold and unpleasant but it stands and functions , because those are th bare minimum things needed to survive (all that Mob is doing) and to keep th illusion that he can have nothing better until he breaks .

POINT 3 OH YOUVE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD (RIPS OFF SHIRT TO REVEAL CHEST TATTOOS THAT SAY NUMBER 1 MINORI ASAGIRI FAN) (AND ALSO A MAJOR MOGAMI FAN BUT MINORI FIRST)

Minori I imagine is like . Considerably worse off mentally den Mob right after th arc . Mob is obviously pretty fucked up by 6 months of hell but in typical Mob fashion is able to repress that pretty handily up until confession arc when Everything is opened up by force . it’ll be on his list of things to discuss in therapy for sure lmao . but largely hes good at repressing and also part of th moral of th Mogami arc is that wallowing in your own misery does you no good so he wants to live best foot forward . Minori does too i think , because she wants to change , but I think it’s a lot harder for her . shez lived on her perch of untouchable popular girl for a While , and even if she was acutely aware that things would Not Be Good if someone else rose above her , all she had to do was stomp down any threat effectively enough . between that and just being a teenager who has had a good life itz extremely hard for her to process such an extreme terrible theft of control from her . her body was puppeted , used to lie about and severely injure her father and many others , and she was used as a scapegoat , her actions in Mogamiland were things she really would do but it still must be frightening to be trapped in your own mind especially once Mob snaps and she realizes Oh . That’s what this exists for . To kill me . Mogamiland is a conveyer belt with Minori’s death at th end , that is Mogamis ultimate goal to make Mob change and see his point of view . so not only does she know that she barely escaped th slaughterhouse but she also knows she horribly tortured th guy who was strong and kind enough to save her even after all she did . bc it would be easy for a lesser story to have Minori scared straight , and i do think she does become very paranoid , but th primary reason she changes is because Mob made her want to be better , he made her want to be as courageous as he was . I think post-Mogamiland she is very physically and mentally fucked up but intent on Being Better TM but she doesn’t fully know what that means yet , doesn’t know how to unravel social standards she carefully built up herself or not just be forgiven because people are scared of her . I think she struggles really hard w learning to be kind and develops a lot of moral obsessions , getting really really upset and angry at herself if she so much as Thinks something bad bc thats proof she hasn’t changed and that th evil spirit is going to come break her fingers again . learning to actually be better without wanting to actively die every time she does something mean is a long process she has to work through but I think itz one she does work through w her dads help . I like th HC that she gets into crafting and that slowly leads into being able to care about more and more living things . her big stupid idiot cat she got that she threatens to sell to th circus while giving it treats even if it is icky . very fucked up girl trying her best , I think she reaches out to Mob eventually and dey get together for lunch or something every month or two . casual friends , derez an underlying sting of trauma for both , but friends nonetheless who are happy to see each other getting better . Mob says she should move closer to Seasoning City one day and shes like ‘do you even realize how many city destroying events there have been in the past 3 months alone. no.’ she and teru would be CRAZY gossip buddies lmao

MOGAMI……….i know hes in that damn jar . dis ask is getting looooong so I don’t wanna linger on him too long but I imagine he and Matsuo have an extremely tense dynamic up until th jar is broken in WD arc , and Mogami wanders for a few days before actually deciding to track down Matsuo again . unbearable as he finds him , Matsuo walks a line between human and spirit that not many people do , and is one of th only people that talks to him up front to his face because he too has experienced being thrown aggressively off his high horse . I think dey have a weird gay thing but either way I think dey definitely stick together bc dey both come to realize that dere Are other people in th world capable of understanding dem . Mogami is perpetually kinda fucked up but I think Mob changed him at least a little . enough to have let Minegishi go in WD arc and accept that maybe someone Can change sometimes .

hi . Mogami arc is my favorite arc

I'M ABOUT TO GO BATSHIT INSANE OH MY GOD

just in case lemme just. put this under the cut

OK OK in 7th div i think what shocks Reigen more is the fact that there are adult psychics? or rather. a lot of adult psychics LMAO he asks Ritsu earlier if he can help out at the office so i Think he knows other psychics exist (but he probably wouldnt guess they're all somehow miraculously concentrated in seasoning city AJHSDGHGHEGFGH) but with Mogami in particular, I'd like to think in his younger years he fully believed it all, going on spirit hunts of his own, but as he grew he'd think "yeah its all a scam" bc of his own scammery until Mogami arc throws it all into question. BUT APART FROM THAT. YOUR MIND. YOUR BRAIN. THE COMPARISON OF SEPARATION ARC AND MOGAMI'S STORY IS SOMETHING I HADNT THOUGHT OF BEYOND JUST THE MEDIA HOLY SHIT. oh my god knowing Reigen and his random knowledge on every little subject i feel like hes the type of guy to go on google rabbit holes and after Mogami arc that would reawaken his curiosity in the guy and later during separation arc he's thinking "i cant let myself get to that level, i have to become someone" AUGH I LOVE THE WAY THOSE TWO ARCS INTERTWINE. something something Reigen having some kind of support to reach out to but Mogami being utterly alone,,. but yah i think its so funny to imagine that Reigen Just picked up a lot of the showmanship from Mogami and didn't think the guy was legitimate ASDJHGEFGH.

THIS REAWAKENED MY FIRST INTERPRETATION OF MOGAMILAND WAIT ID COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN UNTIL NOW after I watched it for the first time I assumed that Mob's parents (or possibly just One of his parents) were in a state similar to Mogami's mother, and thats why they arent present and now i'm thinking thats a bit of an inbetween point, in that its something that could be a reality but its also Mogami's view of a cold, hard world to live in. I'd like to think that the behavior of all the other people in Mogamiland is how Mogami imagines they'd act, because of how vicious and horrible he views humanity, not the way those same people in reality would truly react. Like enforcing his view of the world onto Mob is his point, so the world acts and behaves the way Mogami believes it to? Any absurdities (like living off school lunches alone) are what I'd call gaps in the cognitive world, because id say its gotta be pretty hard to make a perfect recreation of reality without both unconscious bias and mentally skipping over forgotten details?? Apart from that, I definitely prefer the interpretation that Ritsu is still Mob's brother in Mogamiland, but they're distant, because it reenforces how Mogami really had nobody to reach out to, especially not his family. ANYWHO. idk how to wrap this point up into a neat bow so just take my ramble

SOMETHING ALSO ABOUT MOB AND MINORI RECOVERING FROM MOGAMI ARC is that he remembers he has people who care about him there, and he resolves to appreciate them more than ever before (and then the wounds are reopened in separation arc etc etc) but Minori doesn't really have anyone she could connect the experience to? I feel like the friends she has are. likely not the best, and she's absolutely been horrible to people outside of Mob. So while she wants to better herself for Mob's sake, bc of the kid who saved her damn life from some incomprehensible evil spirit who'd puppeteered her, I'd think her initial instinct would still be to prevent herself from falling to the same position her victims were in. The same courage Mob had needs to be built up, she learns over time to lower her defenses of her status and maybe in some way stand up for others (though bc of her trauma with losing autonomy, i dont think she'd be to open with any kindness at first in fear of losing the position she has). Her pedestal is already crumbling with the rumors of her being absent (popular girl who rules the school "getting sent to the psych ward" would get her looks and whispers in the hallway) and that definitely doesn't help her after having been used as a puppet. She'd definitely grow out of it though, through feeling her way through having autonomy back and to slowly unravel the hierarchy she'd built herself into. AND AUHGHRFGH. not to be insane again but TTTAAAC made me appreciate Minori SO MUCH MORE bc of her role. her getting into crafts and having a cat?? after it all??? AFHGFHGRHGR. i need to see more of her and the rest of the cast, she and Teru would be buddies and i KNOW IT!! not enough Minori content in the world i need to get on that

MATSUGAMI IS REALLY FUNNY TO ME SOMETIMES guy fascinated with evil spirits x the one evil spirit you should Not fuck with. Matsuo definitely has smth to say about sprits still having lots to learn in their afterlife, he's probably seen spirits from all walks of life and how they eventually move on. Mogami probably chills out a little from the bone-chilling monstrosity he is in his arc, maybe a little reflection would do him good. Sitting in that bottle definitely makes him think about things (gee maybe i shouldn't have put those kids in a hell dimension for 6 months. but then again theyre in middle school what do i know/j)

SORRY IM NOT. THE BEST AT ARTICULATING THOUGHTS BUT I ALWAYS APPRICIATE AN ESSAY IN MY ASKS