#i need one those pen thingy that you can use on phone....

[cieric-of-chaos]

I CAN'T FINISH ANYTHING....why do I keep starting a new one....

The last one is basically done but something feels missing I can't bring myself to color it

MY FINGERS HURT... it's easy on paper but i hate erasing when I make mistakes.... it's easy on digital but it's hard to finish and It makes my index finger sore...

[castle-dominion]

5x6 the final frontier

I remember this episode, I am a castle fan from firefly & I loved this episode & the audio commentary & everything about it

We all thought that the guy who got shot was shot with a real thing

derrick storm is a graphic novel, I forgot!

supernovacon? Shiny dsjflksdjfjskh shiny pint sized princess leiea <3

apparently the costume design used some of the old stuff, including stuff from the zombie episodes

14 episodes too many? Oh I was going to watch battlestar galactica that joss whedon show?

JE: Give me Blade Runner - a bleak, dystopian future with sexy replicants. Right? *he & castle bump fists* JE: How about you, Beckett? What do you—?... *stops at her annoyed expression*

RC: Perlmutter, good to see you. SP: Ah, if only the feeling were mutual. a tiny hole? like a bullet hole? SP: No clue

Not all nebula 9 fans will be on that site also ryan pretty af as usual so no need for a pic ig she is so obviously a fan, she could just say "oh plenty of fandoms have websites, I'm sure there is one for neb9"

lol her face when he walks in KR: Oh, I tried to talk to him, but he said he needed a minute to “Muse upon the fragile nature of human life.”

& may fortune guide her journey? really? also that booty tho I love how castle has the chance to meet someone even more egotistical than him

Never meet your heroes

Aww webisodes, that's cute af! I'm a big fan of fanfiction you're allowed to like a show even if it is bad who is this man!? also she went by k-becks? your WHAT NOW? Henry Barnett: You should've seen her as Lieutenant Chloe. Oh, wait. You can! fracking, I heard that mostly in battlestar galactica

RC: Look at my life. (whisper) My dreams come true.

KB: Perlmutter. SP: Detective Beckett. RC: Perlmutter. SP: And non-detective Castle.

that is a hell of a burn SP: Well, as much as it pains me, Mr. Castle is… [marginally or largely] correct.

KB: How is it possible that she's killed by a laser? RC: Easy. Someone shot her with a laser gun. Or maybe she was already dead when she was killed by the laser gun, or she was drugged, I'm sure you would have to sit there for at least a halfminute to burn through that much flesh

KB: Nice one coming from the guy with a life-size Boba Fett in his bathroom. a WHAT

"blasphemous" lmao

KB: posessing a... RC: Laser blaster! KB: ....... laser blaster

this scene with ryan showing the pic on his phone was filmed at 4am bc they screwed up the schedule JE: First of all, ma'am, I must ask you, uh…how are you keeping those leaves on there like that? NEBULA NINE EVE: Why don't you pull on one and find out? JE: *staring at her (eyes)*

Maybe you can't translate well but you can say yes or no... right?

*writes her number on her boob leaf* *esposito looks more uncomfortable than pleased tbh* *she took his pen* (probably glued on)

"obvi" teenager english lol

Castle shut up lol

also I'm still stuck on the fact that they just pulled castle away from his signing

ew weird bug thingy what

Becks u can say "according to my intel" u literally said it launched your career tho?

Nikki heat type pose

Drunk? in the middle of the day? two lieutenant chloes lmao I don't like espt's shirt.

oh my god!!! ALEXIS??? Dressed like what castle? she is not dressed at all apparently the cast was all weirded out bc they kind of movie-raised her since she was a teen you know what good for her she is allowed to do what she wants ig...

Yo cops they paid good money for this!

RC: Then you wouldn't mind relinquishing your weapon. good word gabriel winters is so annoying *shoots it* *it works, & works way too well & tbh they should have been wearing eye protection* mUZZLE CONTROL "Zap" said the lady

As you wish <3 NO SHE IS NOT A FULL GROWN WOMAN, SHE IS A VERY YOUNG WOMAN, plus, you two wanted it in the privacy of your own home!

"what kind of idiot does that" *looks at him* how bad can it be? "burning" desire XP

ryan pretty he so pretty always love his outfits, i love how he has a vest but no tie

KR: This is like the Halloween from hell. JE: Oh, yeah, this is probably too lowbrow for you, huh? You're probably into that boring-ass intellectual kind of sci-fi, like Gattaca ((loved that one)) or 2001. The monolith-- what the hell was that? KR: Don't ask me. No, no, swords and sorcery, that's more my thing, like, uh, Lord of the Rings. ((Ooh ryan is a fantasy guy)) [Esposito looks Ryan over. not gay at all] JE: Yeah, I could probably see you as an elf. Or a hobbit. ((bro you are not much taller!)) KR: HOLD ON THAT WAS THE LONE RANGER Esposito is a fan? he could use the excuse that he did some research for the case ryan doesn't make fun of YOU!

*authorized personnel only door in portal* "that means me!" oH NO ARE THOSE LASERS EVIL?

love donnely. apparently his shirt caused a ton of fighting on set & yet it is capable of great damage? Why did you make it harmful then? You could have made it so it feels warm when you get shot, maybe even hot, but this thing is deadly!

What kind of protection? Probably goggles Hm, license plates Castle, bringing the convo back to needing protection

*cut to castle still being concerned & feeling his face* *beckett talking abt the symbolism* ofc he'd be concerned abt his hair

alexis XD.

S name! esposito seems like he may have a nice outfit but I can't tell

*The elevator opens in front of them with a ding and Castle is there, looking anxious* RC: Hey. Tell me, you guys, do you think my hair is thinning?

*espt looking at his head with a grimace* *castle flinches* he's just playing with him Also why did castle not go wit hthem> isn't he supposed to be shadowin gbeckett?

surprised they are not doing a b plot parallel here

I really want to go to a masquerade ball doing a movie or reboot WITH YOU or what?

sort of? Ah masks

lots of money holy crap idrk if I like ryan's outfit today. It is nice & all but... yk I don't much like those stripes & smth is awkward abt it

yk what valid but her voice is so small

lol castle pretending to be capt max ew, still a crime scene it WAS a stupid show but it was still enjoyable! alexis leaving home! Oh feminism. Good for her.

What was that buzz sound tho?

I like beckett's jacket I also like how max has never NOT worn his outfit

"I need you to resist a little less" "overacting much?"

Ah the mark of cain

They could have just got like,, a handheld uv flishlight

Why didn't he want to show his left hand? was he afraid he had smth else on his hand? phone numbers? bodily fluids?

Except wouldn't he have gotten The Talk about protection "I'm captain max!" He's so proud of that hole in the wall lol there just so happens to be a UV thing there? & then there were detectives behind the door? dang she is insane WOAH HE JUST DID THAT is ther a functional stun setting tho? the two egomaniacs I love it

*tries telekenesis* bribery lol Ooh a nebula nine marathon aw come on as long as it is light hearted youo should totally make fun

*castle trying to close the elevator doors faster*

Fun music, sexy legs, then THAT face & he falls off the bed KB, with a bloody creaver mouth & mask: You want to make out, Castle? Rawr.

So wait if there was a ship is it real?

I was a firefly fan so I mostly only got the firefly references but there were a lot of other scifi members on the crew or smth so they made a bunch of references to their stuff too.

I highly suggest watching the audio commentary. Super fun.

[mulberrysilk]

iwa-chan discovering his crush is a cam girl gets chosen randomly to control her for a session, he chooses a machine and controls her as he watch and stroke himself on her squirming form from his monitor

Dirty Litte Secret

Iwaizumi Hajime x f!reader

tw:.camgirl +.soloplay + masturbation + use of adult toys

Characters are aged up.

words: 1.5k

a/n :Oof , I just 🥺😭 yes. This was hot omggg and I sorta got carried away and even made those fake texts thingies for extra spice

Everyone had a little dirty secret.

And this one was his.

One bored night with the need of release, he found himself on one of those websites, specifically the one were pretty girls communicated with their audience and touched themselves in front of them. It took him awhile to find one he liked, quite a while he thought his hard on was going to disappear but when he came across a specific one, where the voice was one that was so familiar, his breath hitched.

There was no way, he told himself. There was no way that same sweet soft spoken voice that he loved to hear on the daily could belong to the girl on the screen. The girl whose back was facing the camera, naked with only the cutest pair of thigh high stockings  with ribbons on the hem and hips sensually rolling on a dildo.

“Fuck...” Iwaizumi muttered, sitting up on his chair and leaning forward to have a better look at the cam girl that finally caught his eye. His eyes were wide and his pupils were blown with lust, his eyes drinking in the very much naked body of his crush.

He scoffed a little. Was this how you could afford to treat your friends to cafes? Was this how you could afford that pretty little satchel bag from Dior or pay for you tuition fees? Or were they gifts from the one thousand viewers or more who were also watching you ride a girthy pink dildo?

And when his trial minutes had expired, he immediately bought a subscription to your channel.

“Mhm...” you hummed with delight, your eyes glancing at your phone screen that lit up with the notification of a new subscriber. And when you threw your hair over one shoulder to give the camera up it side profile, Iwaizumi squeezed his cock, gliding up and down slowly to the same space your hips bounced on the dildo. “Thank you for the subscription.”

You leaned forward a little more, arching your back to give the audience a better view of your pussy split around the girth of the the lucky toy that disappeared in and out of your pussy, your slick coating the silicone.

And that was the beginning of his addiction to you whenever he sought for release. His go to pornogrpahic visuals to cum to.

Iwaizumi tipped you the most, even sent you gifts under his pen name. And when he saw you wearing the new lingerie set he bought for you in one of your streams and thanking him for the pretty fit that he knew you would like, he would already be palming himself in his sweats.

He wondered if his friends knew you did this on the side.

Their precious highschool friend now in college doing something so obscene and very much out of character from the sweet, spunky girl they knew, but to Iwaizumi this was a gem, a service that he never knew he needed.  

And today was one of his luckiest days, he had won the little competition to be able to choose the next toy you’d play with.

“So, he sent over the toy yesterday and I have to say, he surprised me,” you giggled, wearing the outfit he requested. An outfit that was similar to your highschool’s old uniform, but skimpier.

Your eyes looked directly at the camera as you smiled. It was as if you were really looking at him and only him, even when he was all the way in California.

“You’re real sneaky and smart to choose a toy that you can control from where you are. I’m excited and I promise to be a good girl,” you winked before giving a little strip tease, the comments going wild as you removed each piece of fabric til you were left in nothing but the short skirt and white thighs highs.

Iwaizumi groaned when you settled yourself on all fours, your little beige plaid skirt rising up to reveal your bare  ass, your cunt dripping with your slick having prepared and relaxed your body enough for him to play with. He knew this wasn’t the right way to fulfil the fantasies he had of you. You were just supposed to be a high school crush. Not an obsession or a thought when he daydreamed of having a relationship. Maybe he should’ve said something back then. Would he’d have a chance then?

Slowly, you pushed your hips back, biting your lip as the dildo connected to the machine split your lower lips  apart and slipped inside your walls, filling you up just as good as a real cock would...expect it lacked that human warmth. Nonetheless, it was good.

Iwaizumi gripped his cock in one hand and the other held the remote that would control the machine on his end, he imagined it was him that you were sinking your pretty pink cunt on.

A little surprised yelp slipped past your lips when he pressed the button to start it up, the machine coming to life and beginning to slowly thrust in and out of you. You whined at the feeling, thanking your follower silently at his gift and idea. It almost felt like the real deal. It made you try to remember the last time you have had hooked up with anyone, and with the cam girl persona you took up when you started college to pay for the bills, you really didn’t look for a hook up.

Iwaizumi on the other end, eyes on your glistening core, dialled the machine a little higher, the speed increasing causing a beautiful moan to vibrate through your vocal cords.

It was slightly embarrassing to be dripping this wet but you knew your viewers found your arousal enticing, and with  the specific follower who has been spoiling you lately who somehow knew all the things you like but was very respectful, you didn’t want to disappoint. And you couldn’t shake the feeling of familiarity with their letters and gifts. 

Was it Makki? Mattsun? Oikawa? They were bound to catch on cause if one found out, they’d tell the other.Before the name of the next friend could cross your mind, the cock inside you sped up. Your plush walls were squeezing around its girth and the bulbous tip easily rammed into your sweet spot, your cunt creaming all over the toy.

“Fuck,” you moaned, your head pressed into the pillow, your rear up for your paying audience to see.

Iwaizumi groaned. The sight of the white creamy ring at the base of the toy made him all sort of jealous. That should be his cock instead. It should be him pounding into you til your nothing but a babbling mess. He had half the mind to book a ticket this very weekend to just see you and spill. Confess that he’s been in love with you, tell you it’s been him sending you gifts and in a way, supporting you financially.

But the reality was he was here in California and you were over there.

Little did Iwaizumi know, whenever you’d touch yourself or stuff your cunt with either your fingers or a toy, you would think it was him. That it was him filling you up, thrusting in and out of your sloppy pussy. That it was him making you feel good.

“G-gonna cum,” you repeated in hushed,broken moans and Iwaizumi grunted, speeding up his strokes on his painfully hard cock, pressure building up in the base of his spine.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he groaned. He really wished it was him instead of the machine. Hell, he would fuck you on cam if you asked him too. He’d show the fucking world how you should be fucked right and how needy you’d be for his cock. 

And when you finally came, legs trembling and moans turning into whiny, he made sure to slow down the machine, the cock sliding in and out of you slowly to ride out your orgasm as his own release spilled over his own hand fingers. He wished it was on you instead, wished your skin was painted white with his cum and even better if it was inside of you. What he’d give to have his load leak out your abused cunny.

Coming down from your high, your eyes glazed over the screen, tips and more tips being donated by the second as you caught your breath, lying down on the bed legs folded over each other in your skimpy little rendition of your old school uniform.

Iwaizumi wished he was there to care for you, help you feel better after the toll of your activities and hold you in his arms.

“Thank you for all your sweet tips everyone,” you smiled gently at the camera, Iwaizumi knowing how that smile would tug at the hearts of men and hook them you, like you do him. You answered a few questions before thanking the audience again and shooting them a wink before logging off.

Iwaizumi glanced at his phone, a message in yours and his friends groupchat.

*this is my first time doing these chat thingies AFSGAHS I hope it works lmao*

[sxfik]

I have an idea!

Ok so we all know that Hanseo is abused by his big brother, and if i remember correctly, the jipuragi trio found out about it from the guillotine file for the first time.

Now hear me out, what if the jipuragi trio found out about the abuse from Hanseo himself, not from the guillotine file??

After failing to burn down geumga plaza, Hanseok threw that object at Hanseo, telling him not to dodge it, and it left a scar on his forehead. When Hanseo visited jipuragi, he seemed proud of that scar, right?? Because thats what he got from saving geumga plaza, and he hoped that the scar would show them that he wants to be on their side.

BUT lets forget about all those stuff for a moment.

Hanseok loves to strangle, threaten, and hit Hanseo with the hockey stick. It certainly happens more than once, so i figured that there must be a bunch of scars and bruises on his body right?? What if the jipuragi trio noticed one of his scars/bruises?? I know Hanseo always wear long-sleeved stuff, so its not exactly visible, but what if someone caught a glimpse of it??? Perhaps the scar/bruise was on his arm???

Maybe when Hanseo visits jipuragi, Vincenzo asks him to wash some coffee mugs, and as Hanseo is rolling up his sleeves...

"yo whats that on your arm??"

And maybe Hanseo is like "thats a bruise..? Do you not know what a bruise is??"

Okay, idk. I have no idea how he's gonna react if that happens. I just feel like Hanseo wouldnt be proud of his scars if he didnt get them from trying to save geumga/jipuragi people.

And now im just wondering, what do you think? How would Hanseo react, in your opinion? If the jipuragi trio really did find out about the abuse from Hanseo himself, how would that affect their relationship? Im really curious about what you think

Hhhhhhhh sorry if its too long. I just thought that this might be a good way for Hanseo and jipuragi to kinda get closer with each other...

han seo headcanons (part one)

helloooo, thank you for sending an ask in :D

SORRY this answer is super long and for some reason my phone isn't allowing me to add a keep reading cut thingy, apologies in advance to the amount scrolling you have to do

tw: abuse

i've been thinking so much about this ask and just how han-seo would react to them finding out, and honestly i never really took note of how many long sleeved shirts he wears. i believe han-seok has switched a lot more into emotional manipulation and abuse than physical abuse but he has a lot of anger issues. i'd honestly imagine him using han seo as a punching bag for any and every inconvinence that happens to him, even as an intern.

i also agree with you, han seo is someone who is a very bright personality who tends to hide his hurt and emotions, and he's very very good at it as he has been living under a psychopath his whole life. he's good at hiding his anger (although it definetly bubbles over in smaller outbursts) and especially his hurt (i.e. the scene that han seok throws that candle holder at him and he just smiles back). han seo has a lot of anger at himself for not speaking back or being able to act like himself. like in that scene in the office, you can tell as he curls his fist that he wanted to speak back so badly. even when he finally snaps against han seok, he said "i'm getting tired of being afraid of you." i feel like he'd be embarrassed that even after years, he hasn't been able to escape his abuse

next>

(you can also read the following on ao3)

i feel like this scene and their dynamic would play out something similar to this:

han seo joined the team and has been working with vincenzo and cha-young for around a month. at this point han seo isn't walking on eggshells with both of them, he's a lot more comfortable and visiting their office regularly without choi/han/han seok finding out.

sometimes it's vincenzo and cha-young providing him books to study economics from, maybe even giving some brotherly/sisterly advice to him. every couple weeks, vin and cha-young give him quizzes and slowly, he's getting better and better

over time, he even got closer to the plaza residents (even though the residents were definetly cold to him in the beginning, miri scaring the shit out of him by doing her ghost thing, the lady with the lipstick from bye bye balloon staring him down, snack bar lady refusing to serve him, larry also scaring the shit out of him by doing his zombie routine)

but despite this, they adopt him into their family, han seo doing small errands for the residents, him buying the best coffee, food and getting camera equipment for the snack bar lady's son. han seo gifting the pawnshop couple with cute baby items etc.

(obviously he buys the most expensive shit bc he's still a rich boy, but they dont have to know)

(side note: he'd be fucking adorable with a baby, imagine him being the babies "uncle han seo" who gets them the best gifts !!)

even though he was comfortable with all of them, every once in a while his facade would slip.

every once in a while, someone would make a sharp movement towards him and he'd flinch. or if someone makes a quick step towards him, he'd back up and stiffen up on instinct

even if it was someone patting his back or just making a quick movement, he'd react on instinct from the years of abuse from han seok. but no one ever said anything about it if they noticed.

one afternoon after lunch, they were washing dishes, han seo on washing duty and cha-young drying and placing them back. and han seo was in his full sleeves and cha-young notices his sleeves getting wet

"yah, roll your sleeves back, by the end of this your whole sleeve will be wet! you know how uncomfortable those sleeves would be?"

"ahaha, it's alright noona, i'll be fine"

han seo tries to laugh it off, grining at her with one of his wide grins but there's something off about this one. but cha-young gives one of her patented glares and he rolls them up carefully, shielding his arms from her view, and continues washing the rest.

cha-young doesn't take note of his bruises at first, but noted the care he went through to shield his arms from her. his arms were posed almost awkwardly and he was on high alert

it wasn't until after they both finished and he was drying his hands that cha-young saw the massive bruises he had, climbing up his forearms and under the sleeves

he stiffens when he sees her stare, and quickly tries to cover them but she grabs them before he could hide it

she's completely quiet while she stares at his arms. after a moment, he speaks up

"oh i accidentally banged these against my doorway, they're just small bruises. it's go away in a couple days" he smiles at her again but she could tell from the way his shoulders were frozen and the wavering of his voice that it wasn't the truth

"did he do these?" she asked him, her face completely neutral and her voice barely a whisper. she's still looking at his forearms, her fingers ghosting over the bruises.

han seo just looks down and the silence is enough of an answer for cha-young. he walks away, embarrassed that she found out about it, even though his years of therapy told him that it wasn't never his fault, he still felt the shame and anger of not being able to break free.

he's quiet for the rest of the time, feigning tiredness and finding an excuse to leave the plaza

that night, it was just vincenzo and her working at the office late, in preparation for babel. cha-young's mind was still on what she saw that afternoon. abruptly, she stands up, her hand gripping the pen in her hand as she turned to vincenzo sitting at the other desk.

"did you know that bastard hurt him? he's been abusing han seo this whole time?" she asked vincenzo, her voice seething with anger

"i know."

"you know??? why didn't you ever say anything?"

vincenzo looks up at her from his stack of papers, setting his pen down.

"it wasn't my place. i picked up on it when he flinched when mr. tak reached toward him to place a hand on his shoulder."

cha-young sat back down then, her lips pressed together, and vin went back to his paperwork

"we should get him out of there. who knows what han seok would do in one of his rages?"

"couple nights ago, we went to drink makgeolli and i offered him a way out. i told him if he ever needs to leave, and if he's ready to leave, he has a place at the plaza."

"and is he? leaving that is?"

"no. he thanked me, but said that he needed to stay until his brother and his group crumbles to the ground."

cha-young let out a sigh, biting her lip, the worry on her face all too evident

"hong cha-young byeonosa-nim, we shouldn't baby him. jang han seo deserves revenge against his brother just like we do and the choice is ultimately up to him."

"i know. i just worry."

they stayed quiet for the rest of the night, working late but the topic never leaves cha-young or vincenzo's minds

the next day, han seo avoided her like the plague, not wanting to talk about what she saw yesterday

but while he was studying, she approached him, a glass of juice and a snack in hand, setting it next to him. she checked over his work quietly as he took a break and glanced at his arms, doing a once over just to make sure he didn't get any new ones.

"well done, han seo, you're doing well" she smiled at him and ruffled his hair and han seo let out a breath of relief and gratefulness that she hadn't treated him any different

from then, cha-young and vin only got fonder of han seo and han seo was pretty much adopted by them. after the battle and han seok is in jail permanently, he moves out of his apartment, and gets one closer to the plaza.

mr. nam would show him how the organization worked at jipuragi and put him to work, the paralegal grateful to have an extra hand around the office

eventually, even han seo grows an affection to the instant coffee and buys more for himself and his apartment

vin would take him shopping for suits, both rich boys obsessed with their sleek looks. they take cha-young with them once but she manages to sleep off at every shop they go to.

vincenzo also plays hockey with him regularly and the plaza invites him to plaza game nights. they get up to all kinds of mischief,

han seo loves spicy food, just like cha-young so they make it their mission to go to try every restaurant and compete to see just how much spice they can handle. obviously vincenzo doesn't even make it past the first round of the spice competitions but cha-young and han seo have the same competitive streak that keeps them going

han seo is also dropping hints to both of cha-young and vincenzo that they should get married. constantly teasing vincenzo about cha-young in the way only younger brothers do

obviously on one of cha-young and han seo’s days out, han seo drops hints CONSTANTLY, trying to get her to admit cha young likes vincenzo

and OBVIOUSLY she slips up, and han seo doesn’t let go of it

he does the whole younger brother teasing every single time he catches cha-young glancing at vincenzo at the firm

“cha-young noona and vin hyung, sitting in a tree. K I S S I N—” “HAN SEO!!!”

obviously chayenzo eventually get together but decide to keep it a secret (and of course, they were awful at it)

eventually when they reveal it to the office, mr. nam and han seo react like that one scene in suspicious partner (“quick, act surprised” “*gasp* you guys are together??????? we had no idea!!”)

han seo is basically adopted as a younger brother to both cha-young and vincenzo and even the plaza loves his presence and he gets to have a peaceful existence for the rest of his life

anyways han seo deserves a happy ending with a good family. he deserves a second chance with a family that LOVES AND CARES FOR HIM AND GIVES HIM CHOICES AND ALLOWS HIM TO BE HIMSELF. (and yes this covered more than just one scene but I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS ON HIM) as always feel free to add on :D

[mrsnegan]

[Disclaimer: As always, Jeffrey's single in this little thingy I wrote. 😉]

---

"Hey lovely, how are you?"

My heart misses a beat at his baritone voice and those warm eyes of his.

"Fantastic. T-thank you so much. And you?"

He smiles at me kindly, honestly and motions me to sit down besides him.

"Very good, thanks. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I bet you say that to everyone you meet during Comic Con, don't you", I blurt out, instantly regretting my big mouth.

He looks at me a bit bewildered, then heartily laughs.

"You got me there, that much is true. I like your directness, really fucking refreshing."

I try to grin, unsure of what to think about his reaction to my very inappropriate statement. My cheeks feel heated. Shit. Why was I like this every time I was nervous?

"I'm so sorry, I'm usually a really nice person, that sounded rude. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to meet you, I guess I'm just a little...nervous", I try to explain because even when he said he found my statement refreshing, I feel the need to show him I'm not some self-absorbed bitch.

"Oh hell, no need to apologize, sweetheart, I absolutely love honest people. Why are you even nervous?"

This time it's me who looks a bit bewildered. I muster the courage to look at him directly (and not getting disturbed by his exquisite smell, this perfectly trimmed beard and his hands which casually lie in his lap... I don't even want to go there but my eyes have a mind of their own). I blush instantly, feeling caught.

"You ain't nervous because of me, are ya?"

I suppress the urge to nod, because I want to...what? Don't give him the satisfaction to be right? That's so childish of me. So I shrug my shoulders and add: "I guess I'm just not used to talking to one of my absolute favorite actors. I love your work, your talent and personality, this is all so surreal, to sit here next to you, finally meeting you."

Jeffrey smiles at me knowingly. "You know", he says, "I was the exact same when I met my idols for the first time. So no need to worry about it. Thank you very much for the compliment. And don't be nervous, I don't bite." He winks at me and laughs, oh those dimples.

"I wouldn't mind." Oh damn, did I just say this out loud? "Oh God, I'm so sorry, that was inappropriate." I hide my face behind my hands. I will go down in history as the one fan who couldn't keep her mouth shut and be thankful for the opportunity to meet Jeffrey. He will surely make fun of my fangirl behavior later with his friends. God, I'm so pathetic.

"Well...I wouldn't mind either."

Wait...what?

I feel his hands reaching for mine and let them sink again so he can get a look at my face. My cheeks are bright red, I'm so embarrassed. Though I need to look at him after what he just said. His eyes scan my face and without having time to comprehend what's happening, he presses a light kiss onto my lips.

I blink a few times in utter shock, but not because I didn't like it.

"Fuck it", I murmur and this time it's me kissing him. His hands wander into my hair, pressing me to him some more while mine find a home on his chest. How can a man be this intoxicating and...manly? He's sex on fucking legs and I'm here kissing him. This can't be real, can it? But it is, his tongue in my mouth is real, his scent is real, his shirt underneath my fingertips is real, the sounds he makes are fucking real too.

We detach from each other some moments later. I'm still flying, my blood pumping fast.

"Do you...do you do that with everyone you meet at Comic Con?" I ask out of breath.

He laughs richly, shaking his head. "Feisty. That's how I like my women. Actually no, just with those ones who are as irresistible and beautiful as you. And that are not many."

That's when I also start laughing out loud.

"I won't tell anybody if you also don't", I whisper and smile brightly. Somehow it's so easy to talk to him, despite my nervous behavior at the beginning of our encounter.

"Mouth's sealed", he winks. "But I also need proof I can trust you. Gimme your phone number. The real one."

I shake my head, still giggling. "I see what you're doing here. Smart move. Hold on."

I lean over him to get the pen and one of his pictures he usually signs for the fans. But this time it's the fan scribbling something on it and handing it to him.

"Here, big man. My number, the real one."

Jeffrey takes the piece of paper, smirking.

"Thanks, sweetheart."

We look at each other for some seconds before we kiss again, this time much slower but also much more sensual.

"I fear your 10 minutes are up", he whispers between kisses, "but I hope we'll meet again."

My hands gently run over his neatly trimmed beard, eyes hooded. "I hope so too. I want to know what this beard feels like between my legs."

Jeffrey cackles at that. "You've got a mouth on you, young lady. Like I said, feisty as shit. See you soon."

[a-hundred-jewels]

what, you egg? - chapter 1

Ao3

Fandom: The Penderwicks Series - Jeanne Birdsall

Words: 1408

Tags: Transgender, Coming of Age, (i guess??), Vingettes, Series of Moments, kind of in a similar vein to "Sparkle and Fade", which is that really good penderwicks fic about skye by spark writer on ff.net, the title is a multilayered joke that im very proud of, i see all you trans shakespeare enthusiasts and i love you

Summary:

Rosalind Penderwick has known that she is a girl for as long as she can remember. It's just the rest of the world that needs to catch up.

Or: The childhood of Rosalind Penderwick told in a series of vingettes and short stories as she navigates choosing her name, dealing with her mother's death, and being true to herself.

Fic under the cut (or on Ao3)

chapter 1: names and pizza

The notes were scratchy, drifting through the walkman on the grass. Pressing the headphones closer to her small ears, Leonarda--

“Nope.” She sat up abruptly, and the headphones fell onto the grass. “Nope, nope, nope.”

“Which one was that?” Her sister, Skye, with blond hair and long, lanky limbs, sat up next to her, grass stains smudged on her cheek like face paint.

“Leonarda.”

“Oh. That’s one of the ones Jane picked, right?”

“Yeah.” She flopped back down to the grass and sighed.

“I can tell her.” Skye hugged her knees to her chest. She was six, but tall for her age, almost as tall as her older sister.

“Thanks.” It wasn’t that Leonarda wasn’t a good name. It just wasn’t right. Jane would understand.

Headphones in again, Fleetwood Mac drifted into the girl’s ears and she shut her eyes.

___

“Jane?” On hurried footsteps, the girl ran down the stairs. “Jane, what’s that smell?” No answer. She sped down the hall to the kitchen.

Jane was sitting cross legged on the kitchen table with her nose buried in a book, apparently oblivious to the awful smell surrounding her. She looked up at the sound of feet. “What about Lucy Pevensie?” she said, her eyes shiny like they were still seeing the sparkling snow of Narnia, instead of her older sister standing at the kitchen door.

“What? No, I don’t think I can name myself Lucy Pevensie. Jane, what happened to the pizza? And where’s Skye?”

“What about Susan Pevensie?”

“Jane!” Jane sighed and closed her book with small hands. Patiently, as though she was being asked a very silly question, she said, “Daddy is on the phone because Mommy called from the hospital.”

“Yes, I know that part. You and Skye were supposed to finish making the pizza and wait for Daddy to put it in the oven. Where’s Skye?”

“She’s washing the cheese off her soccer keets.” Jane smoothed her purple skirt over her lap and reached for her book again, but her sister stopped her.

“Jane, why is the oven on at four-hundred degrees--oh my god!” She turned the oven off and yanked its door open. Smoke poured out, and the smoke alarm shrieked in protest. Behind her, Jane started to cry, partly out of her fear of the smoke alarm and partly, the girl suspected, from the shame of being caught doing something you weren’t supposed to. Before anything else could be done, Skye ran in from the bathroom.

“I’m coming Jane! Oh god, please don’t cry! Uh, I can turn the thingy off! Whatever you do, just don’t get--oh.” Skye stopped in her tracks at the sight of her oldest sister. In her arms, Skye was carrying sopping wet soccer cleats and there was guilt written all over her face.

“Girls? What’s going on?” Their father entered the kitchen.

It was one of their father’s greatest features, the sisters thought, that upon entering a putrid-smelling kitchen with the smoke alarm blaring, Jane crying on the table, Skye hugging mysteriously wet soccer cleats to her chest, and the oldest sister standing at a smoking oven, that he knew exactly what to do. In the next couple of minutes, Skye’s cleats were laid across a towel on a radiator and Jane brought to the living room and given some cheese sticks. The father pulled the burning mess out of the oven, with his eldest two daughters watching intently.

“We thought it would just cook, Daddy,” Skye said, biting her fingernails. “We figured that we’ve seen you and Mommy do it so many times that we’d know what to do.”

“I know, honey. Just don’t use the oven again without me around.”

“Or Mommy, right?” Skye looked up at her father.

“Of course,” their father said, his face unreadable. “I know my girls are all very smart, but the oven gets so hot and I don’t want any of you to get burned, or for, uh, this to happen.”

“Okay,” Skye nodded. Her older sister was still looking at the charred pizza on the stove, though.

“I don’t understand why it smelled so bad,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“The smell. We’ve burnt pizza before, when we’re cooking with Mommy, and I don’t think it’s ever smelled that bad.”

Their father frowned. “Good observation, my dear. Skye, what cheese did you use?”

Skye’s small fae scrunched up as she thought. “I don’t know,” she said. “Jane did the cheese.”

Her sister sighed and went through to the living room, where Jane was peeling her string cheese and draping it across her book. She didn’t look up when her sister walked in but said, in a sing-songy voice, “Hello, Susan Pevensie!”

“Not Susan Pevensie, and are you actually going to eat any of that?”

“Maybe,” Jane said. She dropped a strand in her mouth.

Her sister sighed. “Jane, Skye says you put the cheese on the pizza.”

“Uh huh. I did the cheese and Skye did the sauce.” Jane began dropping the rest of her cheese strings into her mouth.

“What kind of cheese did you use?”

“The tiny cheese.”

“The grated cheese in the blue bag that Daddy left on the table for you?”

Jane shook her head. “I don’t like the tiny cheese in the blue bag. I got the red bag out of the fridge.”

Her sister frowned. “We don’t have any more of the red bag. Daddy and I finished it yesterday when we made macaroni.”

“It was really far back.”

The girl bit the inside of her cheek. “Um, Jane, what did the cheese look like?”

Jane thought hard, then swallowed her cheese strips and proceeded to peel more. “Tiny,” she said.

“Was it a funny color?” The girl tried to keep the desperation out of her voice.

“It was speckly.”

The girl sighed. “Jane, why did you use speckly cheese?”

Jane’s lower lip began to wobble. “I thought it would be like how big cheese with holes in it is better than big cheese without holes in it. Tiny cheese in the red bag is the best kind, but speckled tiny cheese in the red bag is even better!” Little tears were rolling down Jane’s cheeks and she started to chew on her hair.

Her sister took her hand and led her into the kitchen to see their father peeling an apple into a long spiral.

“Daddy I put the speckled cheese in the red bag onto the pizza and now everything smells icky!” Jane wailed, running for the comfort of her father. He picked her up and held her close to his chest, her small arms wrapped tight around his neck as she cried into his shoulder.

“Daughter of mine, could you open the windows?” Mr. Penderwick laid his hand on the girls head, her messy curls poking up between his fingers. That’s what he’d taken to calling her -- “daughter of mine.” He’d smiled when she told him that she didn’t have a name yet, but she didn’t want to use her old one, and said that he was sure whatever she thought of would be perfect. He’d also lent her the book of baby names that he and her mother had used to name her and her sisters, years and years ago. The girl treasured it -- but only the first half, which she looked through whenever she felt brave enough. She never looked at the boy’s names, though, not wanting to see her old name -- her first name -- circled in black pen by her mother from all those years ago. And anyway, there were plenty of beautiful names in the girls section. The boy’s section didn’t need to matter.

She opened the kitchen window and leaned as far out as she could, enjoying the cool breeze on her face, and a smell other than burnt, moldy cheese.

In the end, the Penderwicks did have pizza that night. Soon after disposing of the mess Skye and Jane had tried to make, Mr. Penderwick ordered from Antonio’s pizza, letting Skye do the talking the way she liked to.

By the time the order came (one large cheese pizza and one medium pepper and mushroom pizza), the nights events were almost forgotten. The girl sat down at the kitchen table next to Jane and took the blue plate her father passed her with two pieces of cheese pizza on it.

Despite everything, it was a happy evening on Gardam street.

[somethinginthewayiam]

What happens in New York... Part 4 - The event

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Anna (OFC)

Warnings: none

Words: 4859

Summary: The day of Anna’s first solo-event had finally arrived and she couldn’t be more nervous. But not as nervous as she was fearing that Sebastian would actually show up and what effect that would have on her...

Previous chapters:  Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

“Anna? I’ve got a few messages for you”, Sandra appeared in Anna’s office door. As Anna looked up from her laptop, she found the familiar expression on Sandras face, the one she had for the last few days. “Again?”, Anna asked with an annoyed sigh. “He’s very persistent”, Sandra said with a knowing smile and put down the messages on Annas desk.

“Did you tell him to stop calling?”, Anna asked. “Yes, I did…just like I did the last 4 days”, Sandra mentioned. “I don’t have time for this, the Hastings party is in two days and there’s still a lot of work to do, as I’m sure you’re well aware of”, Anna leaned back and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Easy boss, people might think you actually care about him”, she said with a wink and walked out the office.

The next second Libby, the intern, walked in with a big, beautiful flower bouquet and Sandra followed her right back in again. “Who are these for?”, Anna asked surprised. “They’re for you”, Libby said. “From who?”, Sandra asked. “They didn’t say, but I saw a card in there”, Libby replied as she put them down on Anna’s desk. “They’re really heavy, sorry”, she apologized for placing them without asking for permission. “It’s okay, thank you for bringing them in”, Anna said with a thankful smile.

Now Sandra and Libby stood in front of her desk, waiting for Anna to read the card. “I can take it from here, thank you”, Anna said with a raised eyebrow. “Come on, you can’t do that to us”, Libby whined. “Who is this guy and why does he keep calling? And probably send those flowers”, Sandra asked. “Out, now”, Anna said playfully angry and pointed towards the door. She tried to look serious but it was hard to hold back a smile.

As soon as they had closed the door behind them, not without a lot of whining, she wanted to go back to work, but her eyes kept wandering over to the big bouquet. She wanted to not care who the flowers were from, but she knew. She knew they were from him. “I don’t care, I don’t care”, she mumbled to herself and focused on the computer screen in front of her and the e-mail she was about to write before Sandra had come in.

“Fuck”, she hissed and got up from her office chair. She walked around her desk and pulled the little card out from between the flowers. “Please take my calls, you know I won’t stop trying. Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday, maybe we can talk then. Sebastian”, she read. “Oh, you wouldn’t dare!”, she snapped at the card and threw it into the trash. She took the vase with the flowers and carried it out of her office and put it on Sandras desk with a loud bang. “I’m allergic”, Anna explained shortly as Sandra and Libby looked at her with big eyes. “Hold all calls that don’t concern the party”, she said and rushed back into her office, slamming the door shot behind her.

“Don’t forget the centerpieces have to be exactly in the middle, the calla lily facing the stage”, Anna advised the staff at the Roosevelt hotel. She still couldn’t believe she managed to book the Grand Ballroom for tonight. Everything looked incredible and she actually had to hold back a tear when she saw the black and white napkins neatly folded on the dining tables.

“Anna”, she heard Sandra behind her. “Why are you still here? Gladys is waiting for you upstairs for hair and make-up. The first guests arrive in little over an hour”, Sandra scolded her as she walked up to Anna in a simple but gorgeous black and white cocktail dress. Anna looked at the phone in her hand to check the time. “Shit, you’re right”, Anna said with big eyes.

“Go, I’ll take care of the rest”, Sandra said and waved towards the door to signal her to finally leave. “Thank you…and you look amazing”, Anna shouted over her shoulder as she almost ran out of the ballroom and over to the elevators to go up to the hotel rooms. The office had rented a room for the employees who worked tonight to get ready for the event.

Anna had picked up her dress this morning before she had come here for the final preparations. All day long, she was running from the ballroom to the kitchen to the staff area, checking in on the preparations and was briefing the staff for tonight. Now it was time to get ready herself.

Up in the room she took a quick shower and as soon as she was in her bathrobe, Gladys and her team started on hair and make-up. “How are you doing, honey? Everything alright downstairs?”, Gladys asked while she parted Annas wet hair. “It’s looking good so far. It were a busy few weeks”, Anna said and tried to relax for the next thirty to forty minutes she would spend in this room. “You look tired, but don’t worry, no one will see it after I’m done with you, honey”, Gladys said with a big smile and patted her shoulder. The conversation ended as soon as she turned on the blow dryer.

Gladys’ assistant painted Annas nails in a nude pink and another assistant started on her face. Anna endured the whole procedure with a bit of pleasure. It was nice to get dolled up and that she was able to unwind for a few minutes, the night would be stressful enough.

When Anna had put on her dress, she looked at her in the big mirror where she was able to see herself from top to bottom. “You look absolutely stunning, honey, not to toot my own horn”, Gladys said behind her as she looked at the finished job. Annas brown long hair was straightened and put up in a high pony tail, a strand of her hair was wrapped around the hair tie. Her dress was a long, black satin with a heart-shaped décolleté and a broad strap went diagonally from the center of it over her left shoulder to the seam on her back. Her eyes were framed with a small line of eyeliner and a subtle smoky eye.

“Thank you so much, Gladys, this looks amazing”, Anna thanked her and gave her a careful hug to not ruin the dress or her make-up. “Now go and have a great party”, Gladys said and waved her goodbye as Anna left the room. When she rode down in the elevator, she took a deep breath. This was it, the event she was planning for so long was finally happening. This was her moment to show her boss Clarice that she was capable of so much more than just babysitting celebrities. She straightened her back, put her chin up and walked out of the elevator as the doors opened with a little DING.

Anna walked into the ballroom and again she was blown away by the amazing work the staff had done in decorating the room. Now that the lights were dimmed and everything was ready for the big opening, it looked even better than before. “Wow Anna, you look absolutely stunning”, she heard Sandra, who was coming towards her. “Thank you”, she blushed a bit. “Here’s your earpiece, let me help you with the transmitter”, Sandra said and handed her a little, skin colored earpiece and attached the little, flat transmitter inside her dress at the seam at her back.

“So, Sebastian Stan, huh?”, Sandra said as she stood behind Anna, who was placing the earpiece in her right ear. “What?”, she asked shocked and her whole body tensed up. She tried really hard not to show how rattled she was that Sandra had just mentioned his name. “Oh my god, you’re blushing”, Sandra giggled as she came around and stood in front of her again.

“I found the card in your trash can”, she explained when Anna looked at her with big, questioning eyes. “And why-why were you going through my trash?”, she asked, angry about her stuttering. “I was putting the new messages on your desk when you were out and accidently knocked over your pen-thingy and they fell into the trash can. And when I fished them out I found the card. And when I read his name and about the party, I checked the guest list and the only Sebastian I could find was either Sebastian Stan or 73-years-old Sebastian Moskovits and, I mean, come on. Then I googled him and my, oh my, Anna, you lucky girl”, Sandra went on and on as Annas breath quickened and her eyes got even bigger.

“And why would I be a lucky girl?”, Anna asked and tried to play dumb here. “This guy really wants you and he’s hot with a capital H”, Sandra gushed over him. “Why does he need to talk to you and why is he so eager about it?”, Sandra kept asking, totally ignoring the fact that Anna was uncomfortable with this conversation. “There is nothing that needs to be talked about. I don’t know what he wants and I have WAY more important things to deal with tonight. For example, my first solo flight you should be helping me with instead of nagging about some guy who doesn’t know what No means”, Anna put her in her place and Sandra at least had the decency to look guilty.

“I’m sorry Anna, I didn’t mean to be rude”, Sandra said with a small voice. Anna took a deep breath. “No, I’m sorry. Look, I’m just nervous and I need you at you’re A-game tonight to keep ME at my A-game, okay?”, Anna said and Sandra just nodded. “Come here”, Anna mumbled and pulled Sandra in a tight hug. “Let’s focus on tonight and afterwards, I’ll tell you everything at a drink. God knows we will need it!”, Anna said with a wink and Sandra smiled again. “Anna, the Hastings have arrived”, she heard through her earpiece from Theresa, who would be working at the hotels entrance tonight to welcome the guests and ticking them off her guest list.

“Thank you, I’m on my way”, she answered by pushing a little button on the earpiece which allowed her to speak to Theresa. They worked like little walkie-talkies. “Showtime”, Anna said with raised eyebrows and a big smile as she wrapped her arm around Sandra and walked with her out of the ballroom.

Anna let her eyes wander over the chatting crowd. The guests had sat down for the dinner and Mr and Mrs Hastings had just stepped onto the stage to give their opening speech of the night. So far everything had gone as smoothly as possible except for a few mishaps that Anna was able to cover up pretty quickly.

But what annoyed Anna the most was that the only thing she was able to think about was if Sebastian would actually show up. Was he already here? Would he come at all? If he was here, would he really try to have this conversation she was trying to avoid so eagerly?

“Anna, we’re ready with the appetizers”, she heard through her earpiece. “Don’t let anyone come out before the Hastings are done with their speech”, Anna answered by pushing on the earpiece-button.

Anna stood across from the stage behind the last row of the dining tables, in the shadows from where she could oversee anything but nobody would notice her; just how it was supposed to be.

“Hello beautiful”, she heard behind her in a familiar voice and for a second she thought it was coming through her earpiece, but then she felt his presence before she even saw him. She took a vague look over her shoulder and out of the corner of her eyes, she could only see that he was standing close to her but not so close that it would look suspicious.

Both of them were looking towards the stage, pretending to listen to the speech but none of them were really paying attention. “I see you came”, Anna was the first one to speak. “Told you I would”, he replied and she could hear his smug smile in his voice. “And are you here alone or did your ex not give you a heads-up again?”, Anna asked with her arms crossed in front of her chest and wasn’t able to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

“Classy”, Sebastian said sarcastically. “You’re not qualified to tell me something about class”, she said and turned around a bit more to shoot him an angry look, but she got distracted by his looks. Sebastian was wearing a black suit and tie with a black shirt. Anna had to swallow hard to not let a moan escape her throat.

“The ballroom looks great”, he said as she had turned around again. “Mh-hm”, she just hummed. She had to try hard to keep the bitchy look off her face. Anna took a little step forward out of an inner urge to get some space between him and her, but Sebastian followed right up.

“I can only say this once again. We are broken up for several months now and it was just bad timing that she was picking up her stuff when you were there”, he whispered behind her shoulder, just loud enough so only she could hear it. She immediately tensed up. Anna wanted to believe him, but how could she after what she had seen? And a gorgeous man like Sebastian, you never had just to yourself. The worst thing about all this was that she was jealous. She wanted him for herself although she knew she couldn’t and sure as hell shouldn’t.

“You should go to your seat, dinner is about to start”, she responded to his new attempt of explaining what had happened the last time they were together. “Alright, I get it, you’ve got more important things to do tonight and I made my point. But if you think about it again, you will realize that I’m telling the truth here”, he said to her.

“And you look gorgeous by the way”, he mumbled as he leaned over once more and as she turned around to look at him, only saw his back as he walked away. She quickly turned back around; she did not want to know where he was sitting because then she would only look for him. But she couldn’t hold back the smile that appeared on her face.

“Anna, we need you in the kitchen”, she barely noticed the voice coming from her earpiece, she was too caught up in her thoughts and emotions. “Anna, they’re looking for you”, Sandra suddenly appeared in front of her and snapped Anna out of her thoughts. “What? Where?”, she asked as she focused on Sandras face. “They need you in the kitchen”, her assistant repeated. “Oh, okay, sure, I’m on my way”, she said and repeated it through her earpiece. When Anna started walking, Sandra followed her right up. “That Sebastian guy looks even better in real life”, she mumbled right next to her. “Shut up”, Anna hissed, which caused Sandra to giggle as she tried to keep up with Anna’s fast pace.

“Tell that Mickey-waiter-guy that he should be a bit more invisible, he keeps standing in the way of the guests and Libby should check in with Theresa”, Anna explained to her assistant, standing a few feet away from the stage. The band had just started playing and the first people made their way towards the dancefloor. “Okay, got it. Oh, and hottie on 9 o’clock”, Sandra said with a wink and a nod to her left. Anna immediately turned her head and saw Sebastian slowly coming towards her, keeping his distance while she was talking to Sandra. “I let you get to it”, Sandra winked again and walked away with a big grin before Anna was able to hold her back.

“Hey”, Sebastian appeared next to her and now that she was able to see him from head to toe, her breath was almost caught in her throat because, my god,  he looked good. She immediately bit her lip which did not go unnoticed by him. “Found you”, he said with a smirk. “And I thought I was hiding so well”, she countered with a smug grin on her face. “Looks like everything’s going great so far”, he said and took a look around the room.

Some people had started dancing, some were sitting at their tables chatting away. To Anna it sounded like he wanted to start a conversation with her. “Don’t you have someone else to talk to tonight? Doing a little mingling? I’m sure your manager would approve of that more than talking to the event planner all the time”, she said when she remembered that he had told her that his manager had thought it would be a good idea for him to show up at such charity events when she had found the invitation on his fridge.

“Hey, it’s my birthday today, you should feel honored that I came at all tonight”, Sebastian teased her. “I’m sure the Hastings Foundation is very happy about your appearance at this event and is grateful for your donation”, Anna said with a professional smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Sebastian opened his mouth to reply to her snarky comment, but they got interrupted by a female voice.

“Oh, Anna, you outdid yourself tonight”, Mrs. Hastings said as she came towards Anna through the crowd. She greeted her with little air kisses left and right to her face. Sebastian had to hold back an eye roll. Instead he put on his best smile and just stood next to Anna.

“I’m glad you’re happy with the result”, Anna thanked her, honestly relieved that Mrs. Hastings seemed to be pleased with her work on the event tonight. “The room looks wonderful and I’ve gotten so many compliments about the organization, although I didn’t have anything to do with it, so I’m passing them right on to you”, Mrs. Hastings laughed and touched Annas forearm. Sebastian couldn’t help but being a bit jealous of that lady to being able to touch Anna casually without her freaking out.

“Mrs. Hastings, thank you so much for the invitation, it is such a wonderful party”, Sebastian joined the conversation. Anna shot him a little side look to show him that she did not approve of that but she couldn’t say anything in front of Mrs. Hastings. “Oh it is my pleasure. Thank you so much for coming”, she said to him, holding out her hand for an old fashioned kiss on the hand and Sebastian followed right up. You could clearly see that Mrs. Hastings had no idea who he was or why he was invited, but she covered it up with an elegant smile that she had perfected over the years in these spheres of society. And his good looks did the rest.

“Didn’t our Anna do a wonderful job tonight?”, she asked him, completely captivated by his steel blue eyes. “Yes, our Anna is a remarkable woman”, Sebastian said and had his eyes on Anna the whole time. Anna wasn’t able to look at him and couldn’t keep her cheeks from blushing. “Sebastian here just told me that he is really looking forward to make a very generous donation to your foundation, Mrs. Hastings”, she said to change the subject, but also to make a little side blow to Sebastian. “Oh, how wonderful”, Mrs. Hastings said delighted. “Yes, I can’t wait, but I also told this lovely lady here that I would only do it, if she would let me have the next dance with her”, Sebastian turned to face Anna and winked at her, but so that only she could see that. With clenching teeth, she shot him an angry look.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Anna. You should have some fun tonight too, darling”, Mrs. Hastings said and patted her forearm again. “Oh, I’m having fun, Mrs. Hastings. I love doing my job and making sure that everything is going well tonight”, Anna said with a wide, professional, fake smile. “Oh, enough work for tonight, everything is going great. You should loosen up a bit and have fun too”, Mrs. Hastings said. “That’s what I always tell her”, Sebastian said with a cheeky grin and made Mrs. Hastings laugh.

“You should really dance with this lovely man”, she said and pulled Anna a bit closer, “If you don’t dance with him, I will”, she said with a wink and took a step back again. “Oh, Sebastian, it was a pleasure to meet you and thank you again for your donation, I am absolutely delighted. If you would excuse me now, I just saw my lovely husband eating one of those shrimp cocktails again and the doctor specifically told him not to overdo it”, Mrs. Hastings shook Sebastians hand and took off.

“You heard the lady, you should have some fun tonight”, Sebastian said and took a step closer to her to guide her to the dance floor. “Oh, in your dreams! I’m not going to dance with you…I’m working right now”, she hissed at him and took a step back. Sebastian looked at her for a second then dropped his head, silently laughing. “Oh, okay, I get it”, he said. “What? What do you get?”, she asked sarcastically. “You’re afraid you can’t bring it on the dance floor and I clearly can and you don’t want to embarrass yourself”, Sebastian explained. Oh, he did not just say that!

“For your information, mister, I can very well bring it”, she said as she took a step closer again and poked his chest with her index finger. Sebastian looked at her with an amused smile. He had her right where he wanted her. “Then prove me wrong and be my guest”, he said to her with an inviting gesture towards the dancefloor. Anna glared at him and bit her lip as she thought about it. If she would chicken out now, she would never hear the end of it.

“Then bring it on, pretty boy”, she said, turned around and walked towards the dance floor without taking his hand or even waiting if he was following her. “You really think I’m pretty?”, he asked in a playfully innocent voice.

Just as Sebastian joined her, the band started to play “I’ve got you under my skin” by Frank Sinatra and he pulled her close with his right hand on her back and took her hand in his left one. “What are you doing?”, she asked and wanted to take a step back, but he kept her close. “I’m slow dancing with you…because it’s a slow song”, he answered and it sounded like he was explaining it to a four-year-old. “Oh, okay”, Anna shook her head lightly. Was she just being stupid about this?

People around her were dancing, why shouldn’t she? She was clearly overthinking this. Sebastian and Anna were the only ones who knew that they had slept together. Now, they were just two people at a charity event, slow dancing together because that’s what you do at those kind of events.

This one dance would be over in no time and she could survive one song. It’s just Sebastian and not some crazy person…well…

To avoid eye contact with him, Anna looked over his right shoulder and focused on the wall all the way in the back, but that led to her listening to the lyrics of the song.

I'd tried so not to give in I said to myself this affair never will go so well But why should I try to resist when baby I know so well I've got you under my skin

Anna swallowed hard. She felt like she was caught in the act, that everybody would know what she and Sebastian had done. This song felt like a confession performed by the singer of the big band playing on stage. Her grip on his shoulder tightened without her even noticing, but Sebastian sure did. He looked at her face. Anna seemed completely zoned out, her eyes fixed on something in the background. He could actually see the many thoughts running through her mind being portrayed on her face. Sebastian didn’t dare to interrupt her and just kept swaying her to the beat of the music.

I would sacrifice anything come what might For the sake of having you near In spite of the warning voice that comes in the night

Frank was right, she was already too caught up with Sebastian. She thought about him more than she wanted to admit to herself and was too tired to fight it any longer. It was fact that she had slept with Sebastian in Philadelphia AFTER she had found out that he was one of her guests, well knowing that she was violating her contract and probably sacrificing her career. And if she was being honest to herself when she looked back to that rainy day about a week ago, she had felt relieved when Sebastian “found” her on that day instead of getting a cab. She was so tired of fighting against what her mind said and her body wanted.

“Alright, I believe you”, she suddenly said and Sebastian looked down on her face. “Really? What changed your mind?”, he asked surprised. “Frank did”, she said and a light smiled appeared on her face. Sebastian looked confused and Annas smile grew wider. “Don’t worry your pretty head about it. Just be happy that I believe you”, she patted his shoulder and her right hand squeezed his left hand reassuringly.

“Well, since we’re on good terms again, I wanted to ask you something”, he said and spun her around to move a little over the dancefloor since the mood was a bit lightened up. “Don’t push your luck”, she said with a playful frown. “Since it’s my birthday today, my friends and I are going for drinks after this. I’d love for you to join me…us”, he said and stumbled a bit over the last words. Anna couldn’t hold back a smile. She was flattered that he wanted her there.

“That sounds nice but I’m still at work. I can’t go until at least the Hastings have left and they are known to party hard and long”, she said with a lowered voice, wiggling eyebrows and a little giggle. “We’re also known to party hard and long. You can catch up later”, he said with shrugging shoulders and sounded hopeful. “I don’t know”, she said unsure. It was a fight between mind and body again. Her mind clearly said that it was a bad idea to go with him where they had alcohol, but her body clearly was all up for it. The way their bodies moved together to the music, him holding her close as he spun her around again, was something she didn’t want to end.

“Come on, it’s my birthday”, he begged with a playful pout. It looked like he knew exactly what that did to her and he did it just because, but she didn’t mind. “Okay, I’ll think about it”, she gave in. The smile on Sebastians face couldn’t be brighter. He spun her around and dipped her backwards as the last bars of the song floated across the room.

And each time I do just the thought of you Makes me stop just before I begin Because I've got you under my skin yes I got you under my skin

“I guess, I have to get back to work now”, Anna said after the song had ended and the band already started to slip into the next one. “Yes, of course”, Sebastian said and took a respectful step back. “Thank you for the dance, it was very nice”, she said and suddenly felt shy and nervous like a teenager after her first date. “Yes, it really was”, he said and his smile was so pure and honest and beautiful that Anna had to smile herself, it was so addictive.

“I better go now…but come find me before you leave, okay?”, she said and took a step closer to give him a little peck on the cheek, careful not to leave any lipstick on him. “I will”, he said and his eyes felt intense as they found hers. “And don’t forget to make your donation”, she tried to break the tension with a joke so that she started walking and not jump him right in the middle of the dancefloor. That’s why she quickly turned around and walked across the room, over to the staff area and left through the door to the corridor leading to the kitchen. Anna needed a moment to breathe and to realize what had just happened. That man would be the end of her and she couldn’t explain why she smiled about it.

[lonelinessisadisease]

WRITING EXERCISES FOR PEOPLE WITH ADHD/NO TIME

For anyone who's a really slow writer (like me), can’t sit still for very long, just wants a quick warm-up, or is unhappy with the time commitment of writing but wants something written down, here’s how I started practicing:

Method One: 5 minutes, 100 words

PURPOSE: Getting words on a page, letting loose, and simplifying/not over-complexifying ideas.

Find a simple story idea generator. I use https://thestoryshack.com/tools/writing-prompt-generator/, but any general plot idea generator will work just fine (this includes the flashcard method, which you can do at home with a couple pieces of paper). DON’T LOOK AT WHATEVER PROMPT YOU MAKE YET.

Set a 5-minute timer (you can do this using google or your phone). Before you hit start, make sure you have your preferred method of writing ready to go.

Once you hit start, read the prompt. Write. Try not to worry about what you’re writing about, or about including all the things in your prompt. The purpose is inspiration, speed, and relatively coherent creative spew.

DO’S AND DON’TS

Don’t spend your time researching words. Instead, write THINGY or IDK in place of the word or phrase and look it up and replace it after your time is up.

Don’t try and incorporate everything in your prompt. Be inspired, but don’t take it as law.

Don’t worry about the story flow, pacing, PoV, word repetition, etc.

Do make it horrible. Write it so badly you want to rip it into pieces or throw your computer at the wall. Making mistakes means we’re growing, and the easiest way to grow a lot is to make a lot of mistakes. Make crap, be great.

Do stop when your time is up, even when you have a really great idea. Consistency will do wonders for your creative rhythm, and it’ll make it easier for you to not hyperfixate or drain all your energy in one go.

Do feel free to ignore all of this crap and pick-and-choose as you go! That’s what writing is all about. Besides, this is what works for me, not for you. Again, this is a guideline, not the rules.

BENEFITS:

This is really good as a warm-up exercise to get the creative juices flowing.

It’s fast. Who doesn’t have five minutes?

It gives you a goal. Again, not necessarily a rule, but it’s good to be striving towards something, especially when there’s no consequences for failure and lots of rewards.

Instant reward. Our brains (especially if your neurodivergent) love instant gratification, so getting X amount of words written down on a page, no matter their quality, is highly rewarding. When you understand that the point of this exercise is to loosen your rigid “Don’t Wanna Mess Up” creative blocks, getting anything down feels amazing.

LIMITS:

Not for planned-out narratives, or for spending a long time thinking of fancy plots. Both of these things are great, and if you find a way to incorporate them into this then congrats, but I find that this really only works if you give up the idea of writing for the sake of a narrative and instead write for the sake of writing. Telling a story may happen naturally as you go, but the point is getting SOMETHING on paper/document.

IDK there’s probably lots, this just works for me. Do what works for you!

Method Two: Bullsh***ing Supreme (10 min.)

PURPOSE: Dealing with topics you don’t understand, making mistakes, learning, and observing with a new lens.

Pick a topic you don’t feel comfortable writing about. This could include writing about a different culture, field of study, religion, ethical view, or even a fandom you don’t think you know enough about. Try and get specific, and if you need help, think about things you agree with but can’t vocalize. Make it as uncomfortable as you can, and remember, no one else needs to read this. You can delete it right after if you want, though that might make viewing your progress harder.

Set a 10-minute timer (you can do this using google or your phone).

Write about it. Do no research, view no articles, ask for no opinions. Use what you know, what you think you know, and what maybe sounds right. Use nothing else. Don’t actively lie or misrepresent, but write about it from what you know. What was it like to be a Nazi? How do Pokemon battles go? How do governments form? How does it feel to be a woman on her period? How does it feel to benefit from the exploits of capitalism? How does Captain America talk? If you were a black man living in the city, how would your day go?

Be wrong. Be so wrong people could write books about your inaccuracies and cultural missteps. Make your grandmother cry at your ignorance. Be stupid, and naive, and confused. Make mistakes. Cry about it. You’re allowed to feel stupid, and you’re allowed to be wrong.

After your time is up, research what you wrote. Likely, some of it has merit. What kind of cliches and stereotypes did you fall prey to? What kind of background knowledge led to those ideas? What kind of assumptions did you make?

BENEFITS:

This exercise can help you feel more comfortable making mistakes, which is something that will be discussed further in the next exercise. However, specifically, this exercise helps us deal with our inexperience in certain subjects by plunging us headfirst into it. This can help you learn how to take a better approach at introducing variables other than the ones that we live with (i.e. different sexualities, races, genders, religions, experiences, etc.). While it’s a fish-out-of-water approach, which is always terrifying, it’s definitely the most effective.

LIMITS:

You’re going to offend someone. That someone is probably going to be yourself. And it’s going to be really, really hard to make yourself feel stupid about something. It sucks to be wrong.

Longer than five minutes which can feel like a long time :/

Method Three: Backspace Baby (15 min.)

PURPOSE: Balancing mistakes and planning.

Set a 15-minute timer (you can do this using google or your phone).

Write one word. You are not allowed to erase this word. Repeat.

The backspace/eraser is not allowed under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. This includes but is not limited to: narrative flops, grammatical errors, accidental words, singular letters, etc. If you’re writing on paper, use pen and don’t scribble ANYTHING out.

As you don’t delete, try to write some kind of story. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, who it’s about, or how much it changes. Just write, one word after another.

When the timer goes off, you’re done. You did it. Yay. Cry again.

BENEFITS:

You’re going to accept mistakes like there’s no tomorrow.

LIMITS

You’re probably going to cry.

Fifteen minutes is really freaking long D:

[leupagus]

My Stationery Box, or: The Douche Chest, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Being A Terrible Parody Of Myself

So I really love to write letters, and have since i was a kid — when i cleaned out my grandparents’ house I found a few I’d written in grade school, and my parents’ files are chocablock full of the weird collage type things I sent to them in college. 

I’ve also been a huge insufferable fucking snob about stationery since way too young (yes I did have a fountain pen phase, no it did not go well) and have been collecting fancy paper and cute cards and assorted weird writing paraphernalia forever. Up until recently, things were just kind of haphazardly stuffed in various drawers and shelves and I could never actually find any said fancy shit when I wanted it; but a couple of months ago I discovered an adorable little chest of my late mom’s that had previously housed, I think, her knitting and has mostly just been collecting dust since. And voila: The Douche Chest was born:

(Pictured with my elderly laptop and coffee with my coffee warmer, which I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE everyone to buy one day when we’re not under worldwide quarantine, seriously it will change your life.)

Keep Reading for some top tier stationerdery

First off, the stuff that helps me write! I still use my family address book, which was purchased sometime in the early 80s and has the name and address of everyone my parents ever cared enough about to want their name and address, which is actually not that many people. I keep it updated and have added a few people, but mostly rely on my phone’s address book. Mostly I like it because it’s got a lot of my mom’s handwriting.

My planner, which has a whole correspondence section where I keep a record of who I write to regularly, when I write to them, and what kind of stationery they usually get (because there are different types and you don’t want to give a correspondence an inconsistent letter-reading experience! Yes I know, I can’t believe I’m like this either) indicated by the m, s, x, l, b notations. That will be relevant later. Also yes the planner is where I scribble down both story ideas and my gratitude journal. This is what I’m saying in re: yikes.

At my own house, I have a whole huge box of letters I’ve gotten over the years, mostly organized by sender and date. Since I’m at my aunt’s house for quarantine, my correspondence is all being kept in my dad’s old... I dunno what to call it, basically it’s a trapper-keeper type thing that I literally never saw him go to work without. (A running theme of this tour is that a whole lot of this stuff is inherited from/given to me by my parents and grandparents.) Inside is also various labels that have come in handy when addressing packages etc, as well as our local neighborhood directory.

Next up is my pen bag, which is — I mean, it has my pens. I prefer writing with a black .5 tip rollerball type pen, and by “prefer” I mean “I cannot abide writing letters with anything else and will go to Staples and buy a new box rather than use a ballpoint pen except obv not right now, which makes the bag real important for keeping track of all my special pens.” Also pictured: my grandpa’s ancient letter opener that I’m pretty sure he stabbed multiple people with, and my blue Le Pen which I use to annotate my letters when I’m reading them through before sending. I KNOW.

This is my assorted letter-writing stuff storage box (no we’re not even at the cards yet this is TERRIBLE); please note that I sort of jerryrigged this box together myself, which will be another running theme of this tour. Glue, roller whiteout thingies, washi tape (which I don’t really use but people keep sending me?) post-its and my address stamp because no matter what I do, the fuckin’ Audubon Society refuses to send me a single donation request with cute stickers showing my address even though they’ve sent my deceased dad like three THIS YEAR. Anyway. Also please note the incredibly awesome initial stamp thing — I came up with the rough design in college and use it in place of my name a lot, but I went to leoniebunch and they transformed it into this super professional and lovely design that I want to use for the rest of my life. Not pictured: the fucking wax seal I also had made with that design, because yes, I’m like this.

WE’RE STILL NOT DONE WITH THE PARAPHERNALIA: here’s the other misc. stuff that I use on the regular. Cup with sponge because we’re not really licking envelopes these days: tons of weird stickers that I’ve collected, YET MORE PENS, including rainbow ones because one of these days I’m going to write to one of my friends with alternating rainbow colors and they’ll have to murder me. Also pictured: the letter opener which I forgot to put back in the pen bag, as well as my dog’s nail clippers and brush because that’s a handy place to keep them. Also also pictured: my dog, who does not help in any way with letter writing.

OKAY FINALLY ONTO THE STATIONERY, Jesus just writing this all out is making me both proud and ashamed.

I’m sure you noticed in the first pic how everything is meticulously, not to say monomaniacally, labeled. Some stuff might require a little bit of explanation; some stuff is pretty wysiwyg though. For example, BEAR CARDS, which:

(These are sent exclusively to my nephews, who go absolutely apeshit over them every time. Come to think of it, I have a LOT of cards/letter stock/etc that is just for one person or one set of people, which maybe I should talk to my therapist about.)

PUN CARDS are likewise exactly what you think they are; they’re the most recent addition to my hoard, having found them at Powells when I went to Portland in February. They are extremely My Kind Of Thing.

Then you’ve got things like BIRTHDAY CARDS, THANKS, POSTCARDS which like — guess what:

(Please note that of these birthday cards, all but two were actually inherited from my grandmother who passed away in 1986. See if you can guess which two are my purchases.) (Also I’m running out of thank-you cards but to be fair I am rarely grateful so this should last me another few years at least.) (Also shit, I didn’t take a picture of the postcards I don’t think? Whatever, they’re postcards that I’ve either inherited from my parents or collected over the years. There’s also a very odd collection of wolf-themed cards that SOMEONE in my family collected, and that I have been using exclusively for allighater because she’s the only one who could ever appreciate them enough.)

Then there’s the BLANK CARDS and BLANK AND WRITTEN CARDS WITH/WITHOUT ENVELOPES, because sometimes I just need to know what I’m getting into before opening the boxes. I’d say a good 50% of these were inherited from my folks, with the cutsier ones being my own purchases. The cards that these boxes originally contained are looooooooong since used up but they’re nice boxes and that meme about adulthood being an endless debate over whether or not you should keep a box because it’s a really good box is accurate as all hell. 

(There are a lot of cards in here that I bought when I was like, in college — those square ones, for example, were purchased at Faces in Northampton when I was in college and I’m probably never going to actually send them which is kind of ridiculous but see: this entire post.)

And finally, the actual letter-letter stationery! Which I also have an embarrassing amount of! First up is what’s labelled MADOC TREE CARD/LETTER because I honestly had no idea how else to describe it; it was inherited from my grandma who everyone called MaDoc (on account of her being both a ma and a doctor, go figure) and it’s really lovely. I doubt it’s the original intention, but I like to unfold the paper and use both sides of it, because I always have a lot to say. These are used only for family members on MaDoc’s side, and of those, only the ones I really like, which accounts for there still being a lot left.

Then there’s the X-LARGE paper, which isn’t actually that large — it’s just normal computer-sized — but in context is the biggest stuff I’ve got. All of this paper is from my mom, who loved using cute themed paper, and I use this stuff mostly for the friends of hers I keep in touch with (which is actually kind of a lot).

Then there’s the letterhead I use for — okay, so like, we know by now that I’m deeply weird, but this is probably just DEEPLY WEIRD, but whatever, you came this far. So I found a metric shitton of 6 3/4 envelopes in amongst my parents’ office supplies — I have literally zero idea why they had about 5 100-count boxes of these envelopes but I’m one of those people who can never, ever throw shit out, so! I gathered together all the letterhead that they’d also collected over the years from the various universities and hospitals they worked at, cut said letterhead down so that it a) didn’t have University of Tacoma or whatever still on it and b) perfectly fit a 6 3/4 envelope if folded three times. The resulting shape is a little... odd, I’ll admit, but it pleases me greatly and that’s the important thing. In fact this has been my go-to correspondence choice for a couple of months now.

(Also pictured: the cover for this hinky-ass box I made out of a Beekman 1802 box from when we went to their store for their Rose Apothecary popup shop. Zero regrets. Not pictured: the really cute pad of paper I also use for these envelopes that’s a more normal size and shape because where’s the fun in showing you normal stuff?)

And finally, my pride and joy, my Crane Stationery, some of which I have had since I was in high school and my mom bought me a box of it for my birthday (I told you, running theme). It comes in small, medium, and big; yes, I absolutely have rules as to who gets what size of these, too. The medium box kind of fell apart a few years ago so I cobbled a new one together; Crane stationery is notable for not being as exciting as that cover might imply. I’m also kind of pleased that I still have the airmail stationery that I got in college that apparently isn’t sold anymore, which I find baffling because what the fuck is the point of international correspondence if you don’t have to use special stationery? Anyway:

(In re: the lined sheets — I actually have them for every size, because I loathe lined paper but also loathe writing crooked, hence these guides that I put under each sheet as I write. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

So that’s the complete guided tour! If you aspire to have a collection as viscerally unnerving as mine, feel free to send any questions my way. You’re welcome/I’m sorry.

[evolsinner]

⊱┊24

days go by, another one comes across. however, today is that day, and by ‘that day’ i mean, can we all please have a drumroll, it’s fucking parent~teacher interviews! aka an interrogation under the guise of pleasantries. i thought if i didn’t think about it, it’d just fucking disappear, but hey no, it’s still here.

but that’s okay, you see my parents don’t know a thing about it. i shredded all the notices they’ve sent us and made sure to cut the line every time my sneaky ass school called home. so when it came to my last class for the day, which is english lit obviously, i was quite happy that i didn’t have to stay behind like some students.

the class is empty, it’s almost 4 sharp.

“it’s only interviews,” i try to ease mr killian’s nerves. “just tell them what they wanna hear ~ easy peasy.”

“i wish, but it doesn’t work like that, luv. you know,” he looks up from his paper and removes his reading glasses to rub his weary eyes, “believe it or not, but we hate this day just as much as you kids do.”

“really?” i’m shooked. “thought you teachers just loved taking your sweet as revenge on students on this devilish day. it’s practically reverse halloween where the educators aren’t in costume for the first time, huh.”

mr killian places his pen behind his ear, entertained. “‘reverse halloween’, aye?” he leans back on his chair, arms folded and an ankle~on~knee. “you’re too funny.”

“‘funny’?” i walk over to him, admiring the tantalising dark circles underneath his scintillating eyes. “yeah? and what else?”

he possessively pulls me in between his legs, squeezing my booty in fistfuls. “and sexy and fierce and delicious.”

“do you want a bj?”

“oh, and very fucking naughty too!”

“what you gonna do about it?”

“gee, you’re tempting me.”

“mhm,” i bite my lip.

“you are in serious need of punishment, little girl,” he flicks an eyebrow up. “slide down your panties and lean over my desk.”

my eyes open wide, “no.”

“pardon?”

“i mean, there’s no space on y~y~your desk,” i glance at it. “there’s those booklets, essays, midterms, finals, your laptop...”

“i’ll make space.”

“uh, umm,” i step back.

“nuh~uh,” he pulls me in again so that i’m standing with my thighs directly opposite his thingy. “slide ‘em down right in front of me.”

“that’s too close,” i squeak, going red.

“what difference does it make? you a step back or not, i’ll still see it. c’mon,” he feathers a finger down my bare thigh, “you can’t still be shy? i’ve seen every part of you, every inch of you. the hills, the slopes, the blemishes... want me to go on?”

ok, imma prove him wrong. i undo the button and zipper on my shorts, exposing the bright red lacy panties i got just for him.

“you were hiding those from me?” he points to them, sounding offended.

slowly, i rub my hand over the skimpy fabric, sticking a finger behind the elastic.

“such a tease,” sir leans back. “congratulations, darling, you’ve earned yourself 5 more spanks.”

the thought of him spanking me…

“want me to go easy on you?” he asks, and i see rare mercy dancing around in his eyes.

i nod, prolly a goner if i were dumb enough to take my chances with this guy.

“then touch yourself, sweetheart,” the mercy evaporates from his eyes completely. he just went from a saint to a sinner in a millisecond. “mhm,” he nods to my hesitant expression, “slide your hand through your panties and touch yourself for me. if you don’t moan my name whilst finger~fucking your cunt, i’ll give you the belt.”

heck no, i don’t want to get spanked with a belt! that’ll hurt so much more!! i’ve seen it on 50sog!

“y~you w~want me to m~masturbate for you?”

“did i stutter?”

no, but i did.

shocked at how strangely turned on i’m feeling, i slide my fingertips under the double thin lines of the red covered elastic bands. tell me, why did i wear this again? i inch my fingers down further, my breath hitching up and pelvic muscles contracting.

sir slides his hand into his pants and gently strokes his cock, scarring me with imaginary ciggy burns from the way he’s staring at me doing me. “hurry it up, little one, time is of the essence.”

3 knocks on the door and it swings open with a, “hello?”

mr killian speedily sits up.

and i step back right away, pulling my hand out and tugging my shirt over the open zipper. “mum?”

“roséah,” she squints, “what on earth... dear lord, you have a lot of explaining to do!”

i refuse to blink. i think i’m having something like a heart attack. “w~what do you mean?”

“well, for starters,” she struts up to me, “you didn’t tell me that today was parent~teacher interview night.”

i exhale deeply, relief has never felt this good.

“mr killian, i presume?” mum says, holding her hand out.

i quickly fix myself up behind her.

“please,” he smiles, shaking her hand, “call me isaac.”

why the fuck would mum come here without informing me about it?!?

“apologies for not booking in a time slot and barging in like this. had i known,” mum gives me an irritated look, “i would have been more prepared.”

“it’s no worries, mrs blackburn,” sir tries to downplay it. “i reckon i can squeeze you in before my first interview. so please,” he motions to the two seats preplaced in front of the desk, “have a seat.”

“christella will do just fine,” and she takes no time in making herself comfortable.

i roll my eyes, so fucking annoyed and anxious at the same time.

“if you don’t mind my saying so,” sir gracefully says, “but now i know where your beautiful daughter gets her beautiful looks from.”

mum titters, tucking invisible strands of hair behind her ear and straightening out her pencil skirt.

tf.

sir glances at me and it’s so provocative in nature that i can’t look away, hence he does it for me. “do we have a common friend that can get both of us acquainted with one another?” he causally asks my mother with a chuckle.

aren’t they supposed to be talking about me?

“i don’t suppose so, isn’t that a shame?” mum smiles.

“‘shame’ would be an understatement, stella…can i call you stella?”

“you can call me whatever you want, isaac.”

“ahem!!” eww. ew. “mum,” i shake my head at her like ‘did you forget you have a husband?’, “you might wanna..”

“oh, yes, of course! silly me. so do tell, isaac? how has my daughter been doing?”

“well, to be candour, i’m rather impressed at how dedicated rosé is on learning.”

“hm, is that so?” she gives me a suspicious glance.

“indeed,” mr killian sends me a secret wink.

“does she slack off? because you’d tell me if she did, right?” mum asks.

“mum,” i grumble, she’s so embarrassing sometimes.

mr killian chuckles, “you’d be the first to know, stella. fortunately, that isn’t the case. rosé has quite the eye for accomplishing her goals.”

i’m getting lost in him again...

“gets all her work done on time, doesn’t send inappropriate text messages in class,” he proceeds professionally, kinda cocky, “nor does she ever has to stay back late.”

all of which i do the opposite of, i give him a guilty grin.

mum looks rather very taken aback, considering how i am at home. “seems like she’s quite the student?”

“you’d be surprised by what goes on in these walls.”

that not so hidden half~smile sir gives me pauses my mum in her tracks with her next question. i look at her sudden stiffness and notice how she’s surveying mr killian intently, her eyes narrowed into slits. oh crap.

“ahem!” i shift in my seat quickly.

sir coughs and swiftly brings in another topic.

mum gradually returns to her usual manner.

that was close.

when they finally say their farewells, i feel relieved as a fucking kite flying high up in a blue cloudless sky. mum did a few more interviews before she finally decided to go home. mr killian had given her false hope and high expectations, so it was funny when my other teachers informed her that my grades were declining from b’s and c’s to d’s and e’s.

oops, my bad.

-ˋˏ ༻🍷༺ ˎˊ-

it’s late, a major thunderstorm has hit and maxi being the scaredy~cat he is has crept into my room for the night. incoming call from isaac. i decline it. so he calls me again. and i decline it again. busy tryna shoot him a text which he keeps interrupting with phone calls.

daddy🔐 is my furry baby avoiding my calls?

tf he just called me??????

me im not avoiding ur calls jus ctrn cuz baby bro is sleeping in my bed thunder isnt his strong suit :/

daddy🔐 why am i jealous?

lol, seriously? i smile, rolling over to the edge of my bed.

daddy🔐 can’t stop thinking about you...

me jus stop its not dat hard

god, i suck at this.

daddy🔐 i really need to be fucking inside you right now!

uh, what the fuck do i text back?!

daddy🔐 would it be inappropriate of me to ask you what you are wearing since you’re with your kid brother?

haha.

me wow, ur quite the gentleman, arent ya ?

daddy🔐 i try my best.

feeling kinky, i silently remove my oversized graphic tee and take two pictures of myself. then i quickly pop my tee back on before curling up on the bed and hitting ‘send’.

daddy🔐 mmmm leopard panties and no bra, sexy. though i do wish you could move your arm out of the way so i could see my two girls?

no, my boobies are too small and i’m shy!

daddy🔐 such unspeakable things i could to your body right about now. would you like to know, baby?

i’m so tempted to text back ‘yes’, but that’d just get me too hot and bothered which is not a good idea when your lil brother is lying right next to you.

me behave (;

daddy🔐 how about we finish off what we started back in the classroom?

me we hv company rmbr ?

daddy🔐 right.

there’s a while with those 3 flashing dots before he texts back.

daddy🔐 considering we have an audience tonight, i’m willing to keep it pg. on the contrary, was nice talking to your mother today.

me were u flirting w her ?

daddy🔐 i don’t know. was i?

me u so were ! nd evry subtextual sentence u uttered !! she cud hv caught on yanno ?!

daddy🔐 that, i couldn’t help. the look on your face was hilarious. hers too.

i almost lol by just picturing my mum’s face, but i suppress it.

me jus bc u made me laugh dnt mean im not still mad !

daddy🔐 allow me to make it up to you?

me go on...

daddy🔐 there’s this soirée i’m holding with my crew for the long weekend. lakehouse, few beers, great view - thank kinda thing. i want you there.

me y do u want me der ? (;

daddy🔐 ‘cause i wanna fuck you hard on my mate’s couch whilst everyone else is out by the lake.

oh?

daddy🔐 and also because i want you to get to know my people more. (:

he used a smiley face! he never uses smiley faces!

me hmm, guess ill hv 2 think bout it

because i have to ask my mum first!!

daddy🔐 hope this helps?

he sends me a photo or two back, like it was a trade or something. but jesus christ, isaac killian! he was definitely not kidding about having me on his mind!

daddy🔐 don’t ponder too much. goodnight, love.

“rosé..?” maxi murmurs behind me, rolling around.

shit. i drop my phone in an instant and cringe for my luck. “yeah?”

“you’re taking all the blanket and i’m cold..”

“oh, right...” i exhale with relief, placing my phone on the bedside table. i turn around, shifting the blanket over him and putting my arms around him. phew.

i rest my eyes for a second when maxi is like, “what was that?”

“hm?” i smile as he snuggles between my arms.

“that big cucumber looking thing on your phone.”

i almost choke on my saliva. “t~t~that was...you’re dreaming, maxi. this is all nothing but a dream...” i add some whooo noise effect to make it more believable.

“no i am not!” he asserts.

“yes you are! now shut up or go back to your own room.”

thunder cracks intensely and he doesn’t say anything further. thank you, sweet jesus.

[cieric-of-chaos]

Nanamin

redraw of a scene in jjk season 1

I am obsessed with this suit....I feel like he have a collection of neckties will cool patterns...once again thank you nanami for helping me learn new coloring techniques ^^;;

I give up on making backgrounds....I really need one of those pen thingy that you can use on phones... cause my index fingers might one day give up O _O

[27koi]

DIY Alternative/Goth/Punk Attire Hacks

Disclaimer: I do not know everything about alt clothing/accessories, but I’ve been dressing alt for a year or two now. These tips are affordable and fairly easy to bring to fruition (I live in the outskirts of the midwestern suburbs in some sort of Hot Topic desert). Support BIPOC owned and ethical alt businesses if you can to build up your basics, but don’t beat yourself up over not being able to afford some fancy clothes or jewelry. Thrift if you can, too-- it’s cheap(er) buying secondhand clothes and it’s good for the environment.

Now that the basics are out of the way, here are some hacks!

1. Chains can be expensive, whether you’re looking for a necklace, bracelet, earrings or belt accessory. Go straight to the source! Hardware stores like Lowes often have a chunk of aisle dedicated to heavy duty grade chains, and they have a lot of variety in type, color and density. Buy some chain links-- they tend to be cheaper than things like lobster clips, and they’re much easier to attach to the chains. Would not recommend these for earrings, though, but I use them on my belt chains all the time.

2. Have some old keychains lying around? Clip them onto your plain jewelry to spruce it up! I’ve seen some fancy belt chains with a little accessory go for like $20, but you can easily just attach a keychain to a regular one for little to no cost. Plus you can switch them out! This works especially well with earrings, specifically the hoop type.

3. Make your own earrings (if your ears are pierced, of course). Most craft stores sell earring making thingies in the dangle and stud varieties in different colors, and you will be hard pressed to find a craft store without a wall of a bajillion jewelry charms. You’re bound to find some cool gothic charms like skulls or cameos and you can build your eccentric earring collection for cheap without supporting companies like Amazon. If you can find looped wires to poke into things, you can stick them into things like little toys or worms on strings and make even more earrings. And don’t forget to steal from Hobby Lobby get glue or epoxy to fix those things together, sometimes charms will fall out of their metal loops.

4. Finding patches for your favorite bands can be hard and pricey. Luckily, fabric and paint are pretty cheap. Embroidery takes it a step further (and looks a lot cooler IMO) and embroidery hoops and floss and thread aren’t too expensive either. I would recommend buying some white and black scrap fabric (preferably something stiff like canvas or linen that won’t stretch) and white, red and black acrylic or fabric paint (or embroidery floss or thread). You can either make your own designs or trace logos from your phone or computer. You can attach them with safety pins or by sewing, but if you want them to look more finished, you can buy heat n’ bond to iron on the patches.

5. You like dressing in all black? So do I. Black fabric dye is available at most arts and crafts stores, and it’s usually around $3 to $8, depending on how potent it is or how large the dose is. Chuck some of your light clothes you want to darken in a bath of that stuff (after reading the directions, of course) and you instantly have a bunch of new gothy clothes.

6. Unless you get a band tee from the limited selection of Metallica or Ramones tees at Walmart, you’ll end up spending a pretty penny on just one shirt. If you want a more polished look, you can buy transfer paper from a craft store and print stuff from your printer to put on a shirt, but you need a specific printer for that kind of thing. My experience with shirt designing is that paint almost never works the way you want it to on fabric, even with fabric paint. If you have a light colored shirt, using a sharpie or some other permanent ink works good with drawing a design. On dark fabrics, it’s best to cut out a template from paper or cardboard and use a bleach mixture to spray over the shirt to lighten it. Bleach pens also work for drawing on the shirt, but they can get a bit messy. Put a piece of cardboard or something thick in between the front and the back so the marker/bleach doesn’t bleed through. I learned this the hard way. Obviously this works on any piece of clothing, but I use it most for shirts.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, I’ll probably add more tips later.

[oneheadedcerberus]

Transformers Review #2

Here I am again with the second installment of my very own incredibly self-indulgent toy review (potential) series that is an obvious and thinly veiled excuse for me to talk about the things I like + substitute for true socialization in the wake of quarantine.

And since he’s the one I keep on my desk to hold my tablet pen like a tiny, evil secretary who is no doubt plotting against me:

This is War for Cybertron: Earthrise Voyager Starscream.

Right off the bat, it’s a good first impression. The shape and colours are very classically ‘Starscream’, which is no surprise, given the entire gimmick of Earthrise (and the wider Generations line, really) is essentially ‘G1, but newer’. Nostalgia is a deep pool that companies like Hasbro are never afraid to dip into, what can you say?

The reds and blues are lush as hell (although I have seen a bit of chipping on the red paint! Blue seems to be coloured plastic, tho), but frankly the grey is a bit dull and boring. It wouldn’t be so bad if the back of him wasn’t such a wall of grey. Face him forwards on the shelf, I suppose?

The orangey-yellow of the cockpit is a nice splash to really bring the A-game of the primary colours, very eye catching, and all of it topped off with a glossy black head.

His eyes don’t have much to bring to the party with how small and strangely sunken into his face they are, especially with the awning of his forehead casting them into eternal shadow. They’re honestly a bit difficult to see. Maybe its a statement on Starscream and his duplicitous nature? Yeah probably not. They are a lovely red when I shine my phone light on them, however. 

The face sculpt is a good point as well, with nice, clear features and even a bit of a sulky frown, for extra Starscreaminess.

And even if his neck is a kind of hilariously thin, it does give him a good amount of mobility in his head, both tilt and swivel.

His whole body is riddled with sculpting and detail, absolutely covered in little roboty looking lines and bits and bobs that help bring him to life and help the weapons ports and seams blend in. Much like the colours, there’s more on the front than the back, but seeing how the back is mostly jet as a opposed to robot, and thus largely flat and smooth, I can forgive.

His proportions are just the tiniest bit off to my eye - arms just a touch short and his head just a bit small, but that’s probably so it can fit into the nosecone kibble-hat hanging gracelessly off his back, which I would have an easier time being mad at if it didn’t allow for my favourite feature of the whole toy

would you believe this is the first thing I did after opening the box? Because it was.

He’s got large, stable feet perfect for balancing, stepping over ones enemies, or climbing the ranks. You go, Starscream.

Good, solid legs with no awkward hollow sections. Unfortunately the big ol’ solid stompers are about the highlight of the legs- the posing ability on this guy is lackluster, to say the least

His shoulders and elbows are about standard, nothing spectacular, but that up there is as far as his knees and legs will bend. The knees manage 90~ degrees, but he can’t even really sit down, and to move his legs up at all you need to raise his little red skirt crotch flap thingy. They don’t move backwards at all, being blocked by part of the alt mode. Hm.

But, y’know what? He does have those classic turbine tits, so there’s that. Silver linings.

The transformation is about 30 steps, and once I’d done it a few times I found it to be easy to memorize and a decent amount of fun to do. It had some neat little steps such as folding his forearms around the rest of his arms and then hiding them in his chest- after removing the cockpit, of course. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the cockpit in his chest is the actual one in the alt mode, I’m far more used to Seeker molds using a fake-out for that. Although it does leave his chest with a bit of a gap in it in alt mode. Eh. Give and take.

The actual act of opening his chest was damn difficult and a touch nerve racking, it was stuck fast and I ended up having to pry it open (thank you, trusty prybar thing I keep on my desk) all the while being sure I was about to break it. Luckily, it didn’t break and is opening easier now that I’ve done it a few times. The wings did pop off, tho. Good thing they go straight back on.

His legs are pretty simple, pull his shins open, fold them up, clip them together and click them in place, in a move that is similar (but much simpler) to his arms. I actually managed to get to that stage without the instructions before realizing I was baffled by where to stick his arms. I’m not the best at puzzles, ok?

Or, if you are so inclined, you can skip the legs and make a bit of an awkwardly upright gerwalk

y’know. If you really wanna.

Once you get through all the major steps, the alt mode snaps together pretty satisfyingly.

The nosecone really beefs up the length of this thing (it’s actually a bit too long for the lightbox I use for my photos, damn), and the sheer jet-ness of this alt mode makes me kinda want to woosh it around the room making my own low-flying aeroplane sound effects. So I did. At least I resisted the urge to toss him. For now.

On the downside, the underside kinda shatters the illusion a bit. He’s head is well hidden, if technically still visible if you know where it is, but damn does his torso look like a torso. The rest of him might be disguising itself as not-a-body a bit better, but it sure as shit ain’t disguising itself as a jet. And there’s no landing gear. *Siiigh* I suppose you can’t have everything.

The topside, while very jet-y, is a bit of a slab of grey as well. Only the touches of red, white and blue and the lovely purple Decepticon badges stop it from looking kinda unfinished. But, hey the cockpit is semi-transparent, and you can just about make out a lil seat in there for a hypothetical pilot which I think is cute for some reason :). My one issue with the topside is the weapons port smack dab right in the middle there, like some kind of space-robot blowhole.

As for accessories go, he comes with his two null rays and that’s about it. They got well on his arms in robot mode and on his wings for the alt mode (or you can stick one in the blowhole if you really want, I suppose?), but he can’t really hold them in his hands like pistols, just in case you wanted him to do that.

They go pretty well on either his upper arms, as I prefer, or you can turn his arms and put them on his forearms if you so desire.

Sadly, no crown... though I’m sure one is available online if you really, really want.

His box, strangely enough, doesn’t have a secret code in it to fit with the Earthrise gimmick of decoding a star map. It did come with the little red bit of plastic for finding the codes, however.

In conclusion: The alt mode is pretty great and a lot of fun to play with, and I’m pretty happy with this to be the main Starscream of my collection and I‘m certainly not hankering for a new one anytime soon, I do kinda wish he had better posing. And the disappointing legs almost make me wish I gotten the Siege one instead, which I hear has some pretty amazing legs, with super deep knees. Fortunately for me I am a bit of a sucker for an Earth jet alt mode over a Tetrajet, so I can’t despair too much.

And he does do a superb job holding my pen.

Like so.

[bennguintweets]

One Shot: Stupid Love

Requested by anon: “Can u do a short little thingy set when Tyler & Jamie were still playing and Jamie takes a really dirty hit while Tyler is on the bench just watching? Like Jamie is too injured to retaliate so Jordie and a few others come to his defense but maybe tell the story from Tyler's pov because he can hear the other player yelling homophobic slurs at Jamie while he's down? Bonus points if said player looks right at Tyler while insulting Jamie cause he "knows" about the 2 of them?”

Author’s Note: While I did use some factual information, the dialogue is completely fabricated by yours truly to fit the prompt. Please remember that and do not hold grudges against players who seemed cruel in this one shot. Someone had to be the bad guy, and this was just how it played out in my head. Also, big thank you to my good friend who improved the ish out of my grammar before I posted this, because it needed some serious work. Sorry it’s been a year to date since I wrote my last one shot. Life, man, it’s cray. Enjoy! 

~~~~~

Jamie heard a quick rap of knuckles on his hotel room door. It startled him, as he wasn’t expecting anyone, but by the rhythm of the knock, he already knew who was on the other side of it.

“Hey, Mom, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon. Okay, love you, too. Bye.” Jamie tapped his phone screen with his thumb to end the call before lightly jogging to the door.  He checked through the peephole just to confirm the identity of his visitor. He was, in fact, correct but frowned slightly by the disheveled appearance of his friend who was normally beaming at all times.

When Jamie opened the door, however, he received a completely different expression, as Tyler was giving Jamie his infamous smirk now.

“Hey, Segs?” He didn’t mean for it to come out like it was a question.

“Whatcha doing?” Tyler asked while brushing past Jamie to enter the room.

“Sure, come on in,” Jamie teased and rolled his eyes while letting the door shut on its own. “Just got off the phone with my mom.” By the time Jamie turned around to face Tyler, he was already cozied up in Jamie’s bed.

“Wow, you’re having a crazy night,” Tyler smirked, scrolling through his phone with his feet crossed at the foot of Jamie’s bed. Jamie observed Tyler closely. Even though he was still standing by the door, he could see that Tyler’s cheeks were flushed and his skin was paler than usual.

“She always calls to make sure the flight went smoothly. We never travelled much growing up. Didn’t need to really. So she gets nervous now that I fly all the time,” Jamie explained. His cheeks heated in embarrassment immediately after his ramble because Tyler didn’t acknowledge him. He likely thought Jamie was lame, or weird. Probably both, actually.

“But, the night is still young. Want to go somewhere?” Jamie asked in a hopeful voice, feeling the need to redeem himself.

“No, actually I, uh…kinda wanted to hang out here with you… if that’s okay?” Tyler asked shyly. Jamie had never seen Tyler like this before, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“Oh, um, sure,” Jamie hummed, unable to keep the surprised tone out of his voice.

Tyler sighed and shook his head. “Sorry, this is… stupid. I can go. I’m sure you want your alone time. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Tyler sat up straight, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to push himself up. But before he could finish standing up, Jamie was over at his side with a hand on his bicep to stop him.

“Hey, no. I want you… to hang out. I just thought you were… never mind.” Jamie mentally kicked himself for not being able to formulate a sentence like a normal person, so he thought it would be best to stick with simplicity. “Sit,” he hummed and gently guided Tyler back down onto his bed.

“You sure?” Tyler asked, looking up at Jamie through his eyelashes. He looked like a kicked puppy that was hesitant to trust again. It took everything Jamie had not to wrap Tyler in a big hug to make it better, whatever it was.

It was hard for Jamie to explain his feelings for Tyler. Jamie’s never liked another guy before, but he’s also never had a girlfriend. He just figured he hadn’t met the right girl yet. But when Jamie had met Tyler, he’d started questioning things. He would never admit that to another soul, not even his brother, Jordie. It was just… Tyler was like a beam of light to Jamie. Whenever Jamie saw him, he suddenly felt so warm inside, and when Tyler smiled, Jamie swore he’d never seen anything so radiant in his entire life. He loved every minute they spent together, especially those accidentally-on-purpose moments where their arms or legs brushed against one another on the couch. Jamie lived for that, for all of that, and he loved it so much.

“Of course.” Jamie sat down next to him. They sat there in silence for what seemed like hours, staring at the muted TV with their elbows pressed up against one another. The Pens-Flyers game was on, but neither of them were really watching it. Jamie could see Tyler playing with the hem of his shirt out of the corner of his eye. Seeing Tyler in the dumps was throwing Jamie for a loop. He knew he should say something, anything.

“Hey, Jamie?” Tyler asked, his voice sounded soft and somewhat vulnerable. Jamie was relieved he didn’t have to be the one to break the silence.

“Yeah?”  

Tyler stayed silent, so Jamie turned his head to look him in the eyes. Only Tyler’s eyes were cast down towards his lap, eyebrows knitted together.

“Do you think I’m… trouble?”

“What? No. Why would-“

“Do you think I’m worth the hassle?”

“Hey, what are you even saying right now? Where is this coming from?” Jamie asked, quickly realizing that was a dumb question. They were in Boston, and it was the first time Tyler had been back since the trade. Of course Tyler would be distraught. Jamie had thought Tyler would meet up with his old teammates and go to dinner and drinks. He had friends on that team, right? Suddenly, it clicked in Jamie’s head. He couldn’t believe how oblivious and stupid he had been.

“Did someone say something to you?” Jamie asked. His mood was quickly changing from concern to protective. He could feel anger starting to bubble in his chest.

“No. The opposite.” Tyler frowned even deeper. “No one called me, Jamie. Not a single guy asked to hang out tonight. Not even, Marchy. I thought… I don’t know.” Tyler sighed and rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Maybe, they were told not to?” Jamie tried to be the voice of reason, but he knew the minute it came out of his mouth that it sounded ridiculous and Tyler didn’t buy it. Tyler brought his eyes up to meet Jamie’s. He hated that he could see the pain in them.

“Look, Tyler. Fuck what they think.” Jamie paused when he saw the shocked expression on Tyler’s face. Shit, Jamie even surprised himself with the sudden outburst. He wanted Tyler to know he was being genuine. That he cared. Jamie took a breath to finish what he was going to say in a much softer tone. “It’s their loss.”

“You mean that?” Tyler asked, his voice still quiet, vulnerable.

“Yes.” He was looking into Tyler’s eyes, so Tyler could see the genuineness in them. He figured Tyler would break eye contact when he was satisfied, but they were well past the three-second rule now. Jamie’s stomach started flipping nervously, so he decided to change the mood in the room.

“Now stop pouting.”

“I’m not pouting,” Tyler said, giving Jamie his best mock-offended look.

“You are pouting, but you should be excited,” Jamie stated matter-of-factly.

“And why is that?”

“Because you’re hanging out with me.”

“Oh, is that so?” Tyler chuckled and raised an amused eyebrow.

“Yes, and take your shoes off. If you get my bed dirty, then you’re sleeping in it.” Jamie said before unmuting the TV. He could see Tyler smiling at him out of the corner of his eye. Finally.

~~~~~

Tyler was in his own world, blasting music in his ears through his headphones to drown out the thoughts and nerves he had about stepping onto his former home ice. The whole thing was weird to him, being in the opposing locker room in Boston, but also feeling at home with the people surrounding him despite only knowing them a couple months. He tried desperately to listen to the words of the song, but the harder he tried, the louder his thoughts became. He just wasn’t sure what kind of reception he’d receive from the Bruins fans, coaches, and players, and that was the worst part. He wished it would be one of those feel-good moments with a standing ovation and a tribute video played on the jumbotron for the entirety of the arena to see his accomplishments during his time in Boston. However, he fully expected to be booed every time he stepped foot onto the ice because of the negativity surrounding his departure from the city.

“Fuck it,” Tyler thought to himself. “Who cares what they think?” He and Jamie’s talk last night served as a reminder that he was in fact in a much better place now. He really didn’t know what he would do without Jamie through all of this change and hardship. Jamie had been the first one to greet Tyler when he’d touched down in Dallas after the trade, had never judged him before getting to know him, and had made the new city feel like home quicker than Tyler could have ever imagined. Jamie understood Tyler like nobody else. He was a godsend.

“Shit,” Tyler hissed and yanked his ear buds out. He didn’t even realize he was biting his nails until he bit too far down on his thumb. He sucked on it to relieve himself of the stinging pain, but the taste of iron from the blood quickly became evident on his tongue. 

“Hey. You okay?” came a soft voice in the stall next to him. He knew Jamie was keeping a close eye on him since last night. He hadn’t told him about his little episode that had caused him to nervous-puke his brains out, but Jamie was a quiet observer. He figured Jamie knew he had had a rough night before going over to his room, which was probably why he had let Tyler sleep in his bed after passing out in the middle of the movie they’d watched. Tyler had been surprised to find Jamie asleep next to him when he woke up to his alarm the following morning, but they were a good distance apart in the king-sized bed, nothing weird about it. Unless Jamie could read Tyler’s mind and saw just how hard Tyler was crushing on him. Then, that would’ve made the situation much more awkward. But, Jamie didn’t need to know that. Not yet at least.

“Yeah m’fine,” Tyler sighed, wrapping some stick tape around his thumb to stop the bleeding. Jamie probably knew that was a lie, but he was also too nice to prod and call him out on it.  

“Just you and me out there, yeah?” Jamie said, giving an encouraging tap to Tyler’s thigh.

“Yeah.” Tyler nodded, and he believed it.

~~~~~

Tyler would be lying if he said he didn’t hear the crowd when he first stepped onto the ice for warm-ups. There were lots of boos, but he spotted a couple posters welcoming him back to Boston. It was just about how he expected the reception to go, and now that the first lap around the ice was over, he could put the anxiety behind him and focus on the game at hand.

Tyler was going through his usual warm up routine; he was a creature of habit like most NHL players. While stretching out his legs at the center red line that separated the two teams, Tyler saw a yellow and black jersey headed his way out of his peripheral.

“What’s up, Seggy? You miss me?”

“Can’t say I have, Marchy.” Tyler was smiling, but inside he kind of meant it. Nothing against Brad Marchand, but ever since he found Jamie, or Jamie found him, he hadn’t thought about his former teammates.  

“Don’t be like that, Segs. I know you do.” Marchand smirked and gave Tyler a tap on the shin pad with his stick. It wasn’t a hard tap, but it was a little more aggressive than Tyler had anticipated. Before Tyler could come back with another chirp, a flash of white and green stepped in between the two of them.

“Don’t touch him. He’s not your teammate anymore. If you want to talk to him, do it after the game.”

“Oh that’s how it is, huh, Benn?” Marchand gave Jamie a quick look up and down, as if he were sizing him up. Jamie almost laughed because of the approximate six inches he had on Marchand.

“Yeah, that’s how it is.”

“Segs, you just let this guy boss you around like that?” Marchand chuckled and made a gesture at Jamie with his hand, which Jamie didn’t particularly care for. He found himself chest to chest with Marchand within an instant.

“Why don’t you just go back to your side?”

“Yeah? Why don’t you fucking make me?” Marchand said with a little shove to Jamie’s chest. Players from both teams were at their sides in an instant pulling their respective teammate back before a pregame fight could transpire.

“Alright, guys, save it for the game.”

“Yeah,” Jamie muttered under his breath. “You can count on it.”

~~~~~

Tyler glided to the center dot to take the initial faceoff, and to his dismay, Patrice Bergeron was already waiting for him on the opposite side of the circle. The two hadn’t had a great relationship when they were teammates, and then when Tyler was traded, Bergeron added salt to the wound with an interview he gave saying Tyler needed to grow up. Tyler had a few words he wanted to say to him, but he decided to keep his eyes fixed on the ref who was doing his last minute checks before starting the game. Unfortunately, the silence was interrupted by that dreadful and all too familiar voice.

“How’s Dallas treating you?”

Tyler’s head snapped up, because what the hell? All of a sudden he was going to act like he was concerned? No, fuck that. He couldn’t wait to see Tyler go, and Tyler wasn’t about to act like they were buddies.

“Why do you care?” Tyler spat, shooting eye daggers Bergeron’s way. If only looks could kill.

“Well, it looks like you’ve found your fit. I mean you said it yourself, only steers and queers in Texas, right?” Bergeron chuckled.

Tyler felt his heart rate rise to a dangerous level. That bastard. Tyler knew he was going to come up with something snarky, but this? This was way worse.

Patrice had been onto Tyler and his private life ever since the end of Tyler’s rookie season. After they had won the Stanley Cup, Tyler went out by himself for some drinks, because what 19-year-old wouldn’t take advantage of the free underage drinking when it was handed right to him? Anyways, Tyler had drunk until he had felt the familiar buzz and was his usual flirtatious self. What Tyler hadn’t known, though, was that Bergeron was also at said bar. That is until he had made eye contact with him right in the middle of a friendly lap dance he‘d been giving to the random guy he’d been chatting up all night. It was an innocent joke, at least to the other guy, but Bergeron’s eyes had pierced through him as if he was letting Tyler know he could see past the act he was putting on.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He wanted to yell, and get in Bergeron’s face, but he knew he needed to keep his voice down. He didn’t want anyone else to hear the exchange.

“You tell me.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” Tyler swallowed back a nervous lump in his throat and looked away. He needed a distraction to calm his nerves down.

“Does your buddy, Benn, know? ‘Cos you two are awfully close.” The question hit Tyler like a truck. He didn’t realize Patrice had been keeping such close tabs on him. And for what? Blackmail? He knew Bergeron was just trying to get into his head, to throw him off his game, but the thought of Jamie finding out about Tyler’s sexuality nearly sent him into another panic attack. It would ruin their relationship, and he couldn’t allow that to happen. He just couldn’t.

“Shut the fuck up. You can shit talk me all you want, but you better leave Jamie’s name out of your mouth,” Tyler spat through gritted teeth.

“So he doesn’t know?” Patrice chuckled and shook his head. “That’s a shame, because if I were him, I’d want to know.”

“Are you gonna talk all night, or are you gonna play hockey?” Tyler knew that was a shitty comeback, but he didn’t know what else to say without outing himself.

Finally, the head official made his way over to the two of them, allowing Tyler to break his eye contact with Patrice and get ready for the faceoff.

“Alright, boys, here we go. Let’s play a clean game.”

Yeah, there’s no way in hell that’s happening, Tyler thought to himself. He quickly shook off Bergeron’s comments when the whistle blew and got ready to win the faceoff. When both sides were ready, the puck dropped, and the first period was underway.

~~~~~

The game was just as intense as a playoff game, which was unusual since it was only one month into the season and between two teams in opposite conferences. It immediately started off physical, mainly from Bergeron hitting Tyler any chance he got and Jamie hitting Bergeron in response. Once the physicality was consistent between two players on opposing teams, it was like a domino effect for the rest of the players. Then, once the grittiness was present, the need to win the game became so much more important.

Jamie opened the scoring just over three minutes into the first period, but the lead was short-lived when Torey Krug responded with a goal thirty seconds later. The rest of the first period and the entirety of the second were filled with tough, back and forth hockey, but the score remained tied at one going into the third.

Jamie and Tyler jumped over the boards simultaneously when it was their line’s time to play against the Bruins top line. Tyler was the first to the opposing player with the puck, catching the Bruin off guard by his speed. He managed to tie up the puck against the boards, struggling to gain possession. Val Nichushkin came to Tyler’s aid not too long after the puck battle began and was able to kick it free up the boards. After a lucky bounce, the puck found itself against Jamie’s stick with a wide-open net. Suddenly, Jamie felt like life was in slow motion. His eyes grew to the size of golf balls while he instinctively snapped the puck towards the net. Life quickly resumed back to normal pace as he watched the puck go wide of the net and ricochet off the boards.

The Stars’ top line continued to battle for the puck, but to no avail. The Bruin’s defense was able to gain control and break out into a rush out of their zone. Tyler, exhausted from the full shift, made his way to the bench for a change. Jamie, panting equally as hard, followed behind Tyler. But before he made it to the bench, he felt an unexpected, sharp jolt against his ribs, knocking the wind out of him.

“Gotta be aware, Benny. Especially of who you associate with. Don’t want people thinking the wrong thing. Unless you swing that way, too,” Bergeron muttered to a doubled over Jamie. Jamie was too injured to respond, and his head was spinning too much to even process what was said. All he could do was focus on the ice and try and catch his breath.

~~~~~

Tyler stepped onto the bench but quickly turned around to face the ice again when he heard a commotion from the crowd. He immediately caught Bergeron’s smug look that was directed right at Tyler and Jamie on all fours on the ice. Tyler knew. He instantly knew what Bergeron had done.

“What the fuck?!” Tyler screamed and swung his leg over the board with the full intention of beating the shit out of his ex-teammate. But before he could get his other leg over, he felt a hand wrapped around his arm to hold him back.

“Tyler, don’t! It’s not worth it; we need you.” Tyler knew Rous was right. If he hopped onto the ice just to fight Bergeron, he’d be kicked out of the game and maybe even suspended by the league, but he couldn’t calm down. He knew Bergeron attacked Jamie just to get to him. The more he thought about it, the more physically sick he felt.

“He… He just-” Tyler’s emotions prevented him from being able to finish his sentence, but seeing Jordie and his other teammates who were on the ice quickly spring to action to defend Jamie helped him stay on the bench and not do anything stupid.

When the refs started to put the fires out in the scrum, a Stars trainer was able to help Jamie off the ice and down the tunnel to the locker room. Tyler watched as he disappeared down the hallway, wanting to run after him and do what he could to help make him better. But, he was stuck on the bench with a game to somehow finish.

Tyler sat back down on the bench, stick gripped tightly beneath his gloves. He felt completely helpless, which made his jaw clench. Tyler knew the next time he stepped onto the ice he had to have his revenge. That was the only thing in his control right now. He was determined, more than ever, to make the Bruins regret it.

~~~~~

“Tyler, first of all congrats on the win. How does it feel to get the game winning goal, not only against your former team but in an intense game like that?”

“Uh, yeah. I mean it’s obviously nice to win against your old team. Especially in a heated game like that. When your captain takes a bad hit you want to win that much more.” Tyler hummed, trying to keep the anger he still had at bay.

“When Jamie exited the game after taking the butt end of Bergeron’s stick, what was the message to the rest of the team going into the final minutes of the game?”

“Finish the game. Jamie couldn’t be there to fight with us, so we knew we needed to fight for him. I thought we obviously responded well, and I’m glad we didn’t let them take the game after taking our captain from us.” Tyler ignored the bewildered expressions he got in response to his non-cookie cutter answer. He could care less if the Bruins saw this interview. Actually, he wanted them to see it.

“Tyler, last question. What did you think about Kari Lehtonen’s performance in the net tonight?”

“It was everything. He kept us in the game, and I wish we could have given him some more breathing room, but he stood on his head and didn’t allow anything past him.”

“Thanks, Tyler.”

“Thanks,” Tyler parroted before getting back to peeling his sweaty equipment off his body.

Instead of hitting the showers, Tyler slipped back into his warm-up clothes and made his way down the hall to the medical room. When he walked in, he saw Jamie sitting back against the examination bench with an ice pack wrapped around his ribs. Jamie turned his head when he felt another presence in the room, a smile spreading on his lips when he saw who it was. 

“Hell of a wrister, Segs,” Jamie croaked out. Hearing the pain still evident in Jamie’s voice made Tyler want to cry.

“You gonna be okay?” Tyler asked. He didn’t want to talk about himself. In fact, feeling like Jamie’s injury was his fault caused Tyler to be disgusted with himself.

“I’m fine, just some bruised ribs,” Jamie replied while looking down at his ice pack covered ribs.

“How long will you be out?” Tyler’s voice was quiet, scared to hear the answer.

“I don’t know. They said we’d monitor it tonight and make a decision tomorrow. I’m sure I won’t miss the game,” Tyler could tell Jamie was lying, positive Jamie was trying to protect him, to not let Tyler’s concern grow. He made a mental note to ask the doctor on his way out what timeframe for recovery he’d actually given Jamie.

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest and nodded slowly. He was glad Jamie’s condition wasn’t worse, but he still couldn’t shake the ache in his own chest. Tyler couldn’t believe he was actually taking Bergeron’s words to heart right now, but he couldn’t disagree with it. He wanted to tell Jamie exactly why Bergeron hated him so much, and he wanted more than anything to tell Jamie how he really felt about him because Jamie did deserve to know.

“Tyler,” Jamie said softly, “what’s wrong?” Tyler mentally kicked himself for allowing his body language and facial expression to be read like a book.

“That shouldn’t have happened to you,” Tyler sighed and leaned against the doorway. He cast his eyes downwards so he didn’t have to make eye contact with Jamie’s concerned stare.

“It’s hockey, Tyler. It happens.”

“That wasn’t hockey. That was a cheap shot against the wrong person,” Tyler argued. “I don’t know why he didn’t just come after me. I’m sorry you had to pay the price for my battle.”

“Your battle is my battle, Segs.”

Tyler snapped his eyes up to look at Jamie, because that response? How could he not? God, why did Jamie have to be so noble? And so damn attractive while looking at Tyler with his body all banged up from protecting him. If this was a rom-com, they’d be making out by now. But it’s not, and Tyler needed to stop picturing it while making eye contact with Jamie.

“I’m your captain, dummy. It’s what I do,” Jamie chuckled and tossed a small wad of tape in Tyler’s direction, as if to say ‘lighten up.’

Tyler let out a sigh of relief, or was it disappointment? Either way, he forced a small smile and rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, Chubbs,” Tyler teased, gently tossing the tape ball back at him to avoid injuring Jamie more. “You ready to get on the bus?”

“I still need a minute. Save me a seat?”

“’Course,” Tyler answered, and Jamie smiled in return. Tyler turned out of the room, shaking his head as he walked back to the locker room to gather his things.

“Well, fuck,” Tyler thought to himself. “Stupid love.” 

[theartofmusicology]

|| Performer pouches are little baggies full of the essentials we take to every rehearsal/class/practice or lesson. We literally COULDN'T live without them. These handy little bags go into our big everyday bags which if you're curious what's in those let us know and we'll make another post about those!!

What’s In Carolyn's:

Mints - I used to be a gum person but then I had braces for three and a half years so I got out of that habit. I also love that you can actually swallow mints or chew them up if it really came to it. I'm spending everyday being within spitting distance of people so I don't want to have bad breath. Also good when you're getting up close and personal with someone inside AND outside rehearsals 😉

Hand Sanitiser - We are really lucky in that our uni has hand sanitiser machines in almost every studio but it still pays to have a little bottle of it on hand when you're walking around. Especially after playing piano, pop some hand sanitiser on because so many people have used those pianos and will continue to use those pianos. My favourite are the Palmolive one in the Cherry blossom or the White Citrus OR any of the thankyou hand sanitisers.

Mini deodorant - I am a dancer. I think thats enough said. We are all very sweaty after a dance class and sometimes you forget to chuck in your full sized deodorant which is exactly why I have a mini one on me at all times. On top of that, Perth is HOT so you get very sweaty very easily, just from sitting there so you don't want to get all stinky and not have a solution. Although, if you don't have a mini deodorant but you do have hand sanitiser that has a cute smell, when you're really in a pinch, you can use hand sanitiser for temporary relief.

Bandaids - Paper cuts, blisters, skin rips and bobby pin injuries. There are a whole host of reasons why you could need a bandaid. So... you're welcome.

Pain killers - once again, a very necessary thing in our industry. MT kids are loud and very clumsy so injuries and headaches are basically a requirement in our course.

$20 cash - for when you forget lunch, your drink bottle, craving a snack, someone is a tad short on cash or after class snackies. $20 can get you a lot and not everyone takes card (what decade are they in?!) so its always handy to have a little bit of cash on you as well as your card.

Charge cable - We use our phones a lot in class to record vocal lines, take photos and videos and googling things very quickly. If you're on your phone all day, its a good idea to have a charge cable. I   also find that sometimes, I use my AirPods more than I think I will so I can also charge them with the same cable. Also, SO MANY PEOPLE are always messaging our group chat asking if someone has a charger.

USB - quick file transfer when you have bad or no internet. enough said.

Hair tie and scrunchie  - hair ties snap, someone needs a spare one, you need a bun and you've only go a pony tail, your need another hair ie because your pony tail is slipping. There's no many reasons that you might need a hair tie. I also have a scrunchie because I like to have a bow or a scrunchie in my hair 99% of the time if I'm out. I think it just ties a cute outfit together.

Butter menthols / cough drops - sore voice? this helps.

Sticky tabs - Need to remember where you're up to in a read through? need to remember where a song is in your repertoire folder? I don't think there is any need to explain further?

Earphones x 2 - I have two pairs of earphones because one pair has an aux and the other is lightning. We sometimes need earphones in class for our laptops and sometimes my AirPods are at home or flat because they do get a lot of use.

Glasses cloth - I wear glasses, I hate when they're dirty.

Screws and screwdriver - I wear taps allllllll the time and I lose so many screws so this is a quick fix.

Safety pin - broken a strap, leotard straps are too long, skirt has a rip, top is slipping and you're bra is playing peek-a-boo. So so many reasons for a safety pin.

Masking tape - Masking tape is an essential for taping music but it can also be used as a quick fix for a lot of things and is also really good for labelling both clothes and books if you need to.

Lanyard - perfect if you get given something that you have to give back at the end of rehearsals so you can just put it on the outside of your bag and then see it immediately to give it back. Also good when you're meeting a lot of new people and you need a name tag. My recommendation is to have a little card holder thingy on your lanyard with a slip of paper in it with your name on it so you always have a name tag if you need it.

Bobby pins - I don't even need to explain this. I am both a girl and a dancer.

Straw - perfect for cool downs for your voice on the go. Also good for when your voice is getting tired. A few slides and sirens up and down and your voice is good as new.

Blu Tac - perfect for when you're in a practice room and the music stand isn't big enough to hold all your music and you don't want to turn pages, just whip out your blu tac and stick up the music on the wall. There's also a whole host of reasons you can use it. Like if you have fluff on your clothes.

Lip balm - pretty self explanatory, especially in winter. Hydrate those lips because I find it effects my singing and my on-campus lip locking.

Nail file - its so easy to chip a nail, especially when you're dancing. This way you can quickly clean it up on your break so you don't have a chipped nail all day.

Strapping tape and scissors - again, dancer.

PENCILS, eraser and a pen - scripts, music, contracts, paperwork.... you get the gist.

Roll on perfume - cute guy? perfume. lip locking in rehearsal? subtle perfume. dance partnering? perfume. life? perfume

Sports headband - get rid of those fly aways and short bits of hair with a cute headband. Just about every brand sells them. Perfect for rehearsals and when you're doing pirouettes.

~ Carolyn xo 

[jkslug]

foul mouth | kth ceo au

∷ Cursing out and not recognizing your boss earned you his constant (and annoying) attention alongside a new nickname.

Taehyung x Reader

Words: 4,689

∵ fluff

∵ ceo au ,,, e2l au

“Um… you,” a hand was pointed towards your face, “photocopy 2 of everything then man the desk,” now a tonne of papers was slammed in front of you, sending a gust of wind backwards and shocking you from the force they were dropped at.

Getting bossed around was something you had to get used to being a junior secretary at a huge up and coming company- a new junior secretary who also only started three days ago.

There were also nicknames; they were rather degrading as most people never bothered to learn your name until they decided you could last at least four months here. Nothing too special; most people opted for: ’hey you!’ or ’thingy’ and the most welcoming- ’newbie’.

You had to take it on the chin, this was your job -a well paying one- that you weren’t planning on losing any time soon. So the workload and rude coworkers are something you’ll have to get used to, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t annoying as shit.

”It’s Y/N,” managing to wrap your tiny hands around the blocks of paper, you lifted up the weight, ”you should know; you’re the one who hired me Amanda,” your boss or head secretary, Amanda, didn’t have time for ’casual’ conversation (somehow, knowing your name was casual) and anytime anyone brought up anything other than work she shut it down. So making friends was out the window.

”Alright then Adrian,” not even close, “can you stop messing around and photocopy these for me quickly. I want to go to lunch,” you did admire her however; the way she managed to talk with you, the person on the phone, the person in front of her, all while clicking the mouse to add another tab onto the already filled screen on her computer was multitasking skills beyond even your own mother. And the fact that she still managed it with impeccable slicked back hair, untouched skin and a perfect pantsuit combo was some sort of sorcery.

”Chop chop,” Amanda waved her hand in your general direction and went back to her multiple conversations.

The sigh that fell from your mouth was heavy enough to even worry the man standing behind the desk, but nonetheless, work was work and you were willing to commit until this job inevitably kills you.

The walk to the photocopy room wasn’t that far, so you didn’t bother thinking about the fact the trip back you were carrying double the weight until you were there, smacking your head against the photocopier for your sheer stupidity of not doing this in two trips.

”Finally,” Amanda got up from her chair, not to help, but to grab her purse, ”I’m going to get some food and I’ll be straight back as I still don’t trust you here alone. Put the papers on my side of the desk,” oh, that’s a nice feeling.

Being bashed and then ordered around again. You stood there, loads and loads of paper somehow balanced in your hands as you watched Amanda walk away, heels clicking against the tile floors with every self-entitled step.

You set down the papers with a slam next to her computer, the pens laid on her desk dispersed and you didn’t make an effort to pick them up. A favour for a favour.

Expecting a clear desk, you sat down in your chair with the annoyingly squeaky wheel and gasp at your computer screen. You stared at what was normally a flawless sheer black, clean screen that had transformed into a mood board for yellow and pink post-it notes, all similarly decorated with a neat ’A’ at the bottom of the task set on each one of them.

”Fuck sake!” You bang your head onto the keyboard; unintelligible combinations appearing onto your Microsoft Excel and stretching the collum as your profile stays firmly pressed against the board.

”I know the feeling, but maybe keep the language to yourself, you’re in a public space,” an unfamiliar voice ringed in your ears, the tone of was deep, but it was smoother than caramel; you could fall into it and listen to it all day… but once the words registered in your mind your head shot up, hair flying everywhere and out of your pathetically tied bun.

“There you go,” the man watched as you appeared from under the desk like a bunny coming out of a magicians top hat, “you need to let me in. I’ve lost my ID and can’t get through the turnstiles. You have to let me in, I would jump over, but I don’t want to rip this suit.”

Not only were you the secretary for this building and company, you also were the ’gatekeeper’- as you liked to call it. You and Amanda decide who goes in and who doesn’t; people who work here have an ID to get them past the turnstiles, and others, who have scheduled appointments, are given a temporary guest ID to let them in. This guy, however, has neither of those things and Amanda made it very clear: ’never let someone who doesn’t have an ID or appointment through. Or else’.

And as a new employee under her care, you didn’t want to embarrass you or her.

“I can’t do that sir. You don’t have an ID or an appointment so you can’t go through,” you say with a monotone voice a shuffle through papers to make yourself look busy.

The look he fires back to your remark is either completely disgust or shock, ”my face should be ID enough.”

Wow, what a cocky little shit. You scoff and smile, shocked by his attitude.

”Your face? Sorry, but as a person who works here, I’ve never seen you around,” you roll your eyes and turn away, sitting back down in your chair, ”you can’t go through.”

“You’re just a secretary, who have you seen around and what do you do anyway?” You could see the self-entitlement dripping off of him.

Your blood starts boiling and you slam your hands on the desk, rising slowly and building up and ready to burst like a volcano. At first, before you took this job, you would’ve thought the same thing, but finally having the experience of being a secretary and the workload, you were ready to punch this guy square in the face.

”Just a secretary? Sorry, sir,” you over pronounce the sir, ”but i’m not just the fucking secretary, I also manage the damn gates.”

”Revolutionary. You hold the company on your shoulders,” you didn’t much enjoy the sarcasm or smile that this man’s mouth is showing.

“Alright you fucking listen here mister,” you lean over the counter while pointing a finger, officially done with today and this random dude, “I work fucking hard, this job is hard as shit I hope you know that. Also, I’m not letting you in the bloody building, okay?”

The fact that he was still grinning was all the more frustrating; you wanted to slap it off his face.

”You have such a foul mouth,” he speaks softly, but with a teasing smile which aggravates you further.

”You have a foul personality. Don’t come over to me and demand stuff I can’t give you like a spoilt child,” you spit at him. Honestly, if he caught you at any other time, you wouldn’t be this fired up.

”Actually you can because I’m-”

”Mr Kim?”

Both you and the frustrating man turn to see Amanda, standing there, half-eaten sandwich in her left hand, ”are you here for your afternoon meeting?”

Confusion struck; Amanda knew him? Who’s mister Kim? What meeting?

Your confusion wasn’t exactly hidden; it was pretty obvious to Amanda what happened as she clicked her heels back around the desk to your side to look for the guest IDs, all while shouting/whispering in your ear, ”he’s the CEO of the company, Kim Taehyung. And you’ve made him late for a meeting”

The expression on your face was priceless; Taehyung had to let out a small snicker as your eyes slowly but surely widened and your back straightened up. Words were on the tip of your tongue but came out as stupid stutters instead of the calm and sweet, honey voice he had.

Amanda handed over the ID and shook her head, apologizing on your behalf, “sorry, they’re the newbie,” you could feel the cheeks redden and you hoped he wouldn’t point it out, but after talking to him for only 3 minutes, you felt like he’s a person who would.

“Alright foul mouth, think you can remember this face for next time,” the way you tried to hide the incredulous look on your face only made Taehyung smile wider.

Taehyung bid farewell to Amanda and walked over to the turnstiles, letting himself in and running to the elevators.

”Hey y/n,” Amanda nudged your arm; you were expecting a scolding for not knowing who the owner of the company was, but you got, “I think he likes you,” you see her smiling for the first time as she walks back to the seat.

You were left in a daze… he likes you? And Amanda knows your name? It got you blushing even more than usual… Taehyung did, not Amanda.

“What?” You blinked at her. Too many thoughts that ’what’ was the only word you could let out.

“Well, he fired the last secretary because they couldn’t remember his name… so I guess he likes you,” Amanda shrugged.

You visibly gulped. You were in for it. This guy was bad news. And he was your boos.

“Should I get my dog the banana costume or the Dorothy costume for Halloween?”

It had only been a month since you had started work here and Amanda had taken a complete 180. The two conversation topics you and Amanda fall back on when the awkward silence fills the desk is her dog, Grumples (which you didn’t mind, like, at all) and Taehyung, the CEO (which you did mind, making it Amanda’s favourite subject topic)

”Those Dorothy shoes look like they’re from build-a-bear,” you lean over and give your input as she shows you her phone.

Amanda nods in agreement and keeps scrolling, “banana it is,” she copies you and rests her feet on the desk next to yours.

Over the past month, yours and Amanda’s computers slowly got closer and closer together -as did your friendship- and now you were reading a magazine and resting your feet on the desk.

Old Amanda would’ve erupted if she saw the both of you. Maybe once Amanda found a conversation topic that was mildly amusing (Taehyung, unfortunately) she got attached to you.

At least she knew your name now.

“It’s September, why are you ordering now?” You questioned

“I don’t trust delivery services at all,” Amanda responded.

”I can pay for next day delivery for you,” the deep, honey voice had shocked you once again- at least Amanda was there to flinch too.

As Amanda keeps her cool and places a hand on her chest to calm down her heart, you, on the other hand, jump up in your chair with a, ”what the fuck!”

”Wow, foul mouth has foul feet too,” Taehyung poked your big toe on your foot, which is sprawled out the desk; you flinched away while yelping- his hands were incredibly cold.

There was no one in the lobby and your feet hurt from the heels, who really would blame you for taking them off and relaxing- letting them breathe perhaps.

”W-what are you doing down here? Get back to work!” you struggle to fumble off the chair and stand up, blubbering uncontrollably as you slip slightly while trying to maintain some composure.

”You’re the one who’s resting their dirty feet on the front desk foul mouth!” Taehyung retorted, causing a small gasp to fall past your lips in offence; the nickname and him calling your feet dirty somehow cut deeper coming from his lips.

Amanda, like always, sits at the side and watches you and Taehyung’s usual ’run-ins’ with an amused look on her face.

These ’run-ins’ have been occurring more than you would like them to. It seemed to start happening after you embarrassingly didn’t recognise him as the CEO of the company you work for (you have brushed up your knowledge on the company after that incident) and then cursed him out.

The ordinarily quiet lobby (apart from mornings and rush hour when everyone leaves) now always -what you thought- had a scampering child running around in it. Taehyung was constantly there, popping up unexpectedly to get a reaction out of you- specifically a reaction to get you cursing at him again just to tell you off.

Just when you thought you got rid of the insufferable nicknames, another one came out of nowhere. ’Foul mouth’. So what you had a slight potty mouth? It wasn’t a big deal. But when Taehyung pointed it out, it became some sort of horrible thing you should stop doing. Obviously, you didn’t.

Every time the name dropped from his lips it was always spoken as a hum; a horrible nickname sounded sweet with his voice; like he was singing a beautiful song every time he said it, and you hated it. You were sure he didn’t know your name as that’s all he ever called you.

He shouldn’t even be down here; he should be in his office, a hundred feet away from you.

”Mr Kim, leave before I fucking drop kick you,” you slammed your hand down on the stapler, connecting the two papers and showing hostility in your irises.

”I love it when you talk dirty to me baby,” Taehyung rested his elbow on the desk, cheek resting in his hand as he stared at you lovingly; the look in his eyes was bewildering, it looked so real, but you knew it was just some tease.

“Go upstairs,” you hiss as a warning.

“This is so cute,” Amanda chuckled and was practically eating popcorn as she watched you both. Witnessing you and Taehyung squabble was her new favourite pastime. 

You knew because she told you.

Amanda chirping in was ignored and Taehyung continued the conversation, “if you actually read my schedule, you would know I’m going out to negotiate a business deal so-” Taehyung showed his mature side by flipping you off with both hands.

”Of course I read your schedule!” no, you didn’t. You read ’Mr Kim’s sc-’ and tossed it into the trash.

“I know you didn’t, but i’ll forgive you,” Taehyung flashes a bitter smile as you watch a sleek black car pull up in the street through the lobby windows. You didn’t want to guess how much it was, but it looked expensive. The tinted windows and paint job looked as if they cost more than your monthly rent.

Taehyung notices the car too and starts walking backwards slowly, keeping his eyes on you, “bye foul mouth,” a wink was directed at you, as was a shit-eating grin before Taehyung turned around and left the building, pulling a large coat on to cover his already large frame.

A wink. How cheesy.

”Did you see that? Mr Kim winked at you,” Amanda chirped in, poking your sides playfully.

”It was cringey.”

”Why are you blushing then?”

“Should I get my dog the elf costume or the reindeer costume for Christmas?”

“Those hoofs look deranged.”

”Elf it is.”

“It’s November, why are you ordering now?”

You and Amanda looked over at each other- you’ve had this conversation before.

Smiling at the infamous deja vu, you loosely chuck your wallet into the handbag that was definitely too big for the things you normally carry and grab your phone, ”do you want anything?”

”No, just be quick y/n,” Amanda’s workaholic side was evident in that sentence, wanting you back from your break as quickly as possible.

You nod and circle round the desk, quickening your pace as you don’t want to face Amanda’s wrath if you’re late.

”Wait! Y/n!” you whip your head around, expecting to be faced with Amanda’s face, but instead, a thick coat harshly smacked into your face and fell into your arms, ”you forgot your coat.”

Saluting to Amanda, you dash out of the door and give her another reason to scoff at you. You carelessly scramble to pull the coat on; the soft fabric touching your skin as you pulled your arm through the sleeve, tips of your fingers visible at the end.

The doors at the exit automatically opened once you were close enough and you swiftly stepped out, smiling to the bodyguards before doing so.

Cold air breathed into your skin once you stepped outside, hitting you like a truck; red cells rising to your cheeks to protect you from the harsh breeze. Your coat was already wrapped around you, adding another layer of protection as your flimsy dress and wool tights are useless against this weather.

It wasn’t unbearable, but you wanted to get out of the bitter weather and find something to warm up your hands; the nearest cafe to the building was a safe bet.

The place was small and quaint, so whenever someone walked in, the bell would ring and almost every face would turn to you, checking the arrival of the new person is acceptable enough to stay here.

That’s exactly what happened to you; not only did the warmth from the heaters hit your face, about 8 different eyes burned holes into you too- effectively heating you up more.

Looking down, you sauntered forward, avoiding the looks as you neared the counter. The man in front who had just finished his order turned around and- oh fuck.

“Mr Kim?”

The egregious smirk etched its way onto Taehyung’s face -insufferable and handsome as always- as he finished his order with, ”-oh, also a latte for foul mouth too,” he spins around, smile still present, ”you like lattes right?”

”I hate them,” you keep lying so he wouldn’t have the satisfaction of being right, ”and you’re not paying for my coffee- why are you even here?”

”It’s my day off. You really don’t read my schedule do you?” Taehyung looked slightly hurt, but the teasing kind that suggests he’s upset you aren’t obsessed with him. Like you’ll be obsessed with someone so full of himself to think like that.

”I did!” that was true. You eventually looked.

You tried resting on your tiptoes, looking past the tall man, but your view was blocked by his annoyingly becoming face, “and cancel the damn latte!” you shout to the barista, unable to get past the wall that is Mr Kim.

You let out a heavy sigh at him rotating his head around and gesturing at the poor barista to make it anyway.

Stumbling back, you finally got a good look of Taehyung in casual clothes. Well, casual enough for a businessman like Mr Kim. A striped, collared red shirt layered with a navy cardigan and a trench coat you really didn’t want to guess the price of.

Everything looked seamlessly exceptional on him, wearing it with so much confidence is what made him all the more attractive; any piece of clothing that was worn by him gained value by 100% just because it touched his skin. You shamelessly got too lost starting at him to notice the hand waving in front of your face.

”Foul mouth?” a look of genuine concern crossed his face, “stop spacing out.”

The nickname brought you back- does he even know your name?

”A cappuccino and latte to go?” the barista called from behind you, holding the plastic cups towards you.

There was no way you were letting Taehyung pay for you; your pride wouldn’t let you- even though it was just coffee.

You swatted his hand away that held a wad of money and dug into your oversized handbag to pull out your flimsy wallet. You handed the barista a 10 and refused the change.

“I was going to pay for that,” Taehyung held up his arms.

“Tough,” you grab onto both coffee cups, harsh pricks of warmth stabbing at your fingertips and tickling up your arm. To say it woke you up a little was an understatement.

Forcing the coffee into his open hand, Taehyung tried resisting, ”but-”

”Just because you’re ‘rich’,” you used air quotes with your free hand, ”doesn’t mean you have to pay for everything.”

Normally, Taehyung was not one to show when certain words affected him -being a businessman it could come in handy- but those small, simple words struck a chord within him. He never noticed; everyone always expected him to pay; everyone always waited until he reached for the bill first. It was refreshing to hear it.

Taehyung just froze up; a smile on his face and coffee in hand, the heat from the plastic cup is not the only thing sending tingles of amiability up his spine.

It took you a second to notice Mr Kim was staring at you. You couldn’t help but tease, waving a hand in front of his face and smiling at him, ”are you having an embolism?”

You had got him to laugh, which you were curiously happy about.

”No… thank you,” Taehyung looked down at the ground while holding up his cup, grinning just to glance back up at you with that boyish smile that would make any girls heart flutter. Including yours.

”No problem,” the air gets awkward so you step back and out of it, ”I should get back to work before Amanda kills me.”

”I could walk you b-”

”No! I’m fine!” you rush out the door; heart at a pace that wasn’t what anyone would call ’normal’ and cheeks completely burning. The cold breeze was barely doing justice in cooling you down.

”Guess what,” Amanda grins as she looks up at you as she sits on the other side of the desk.

”What?” it was like you knew what she would say, but you ask anyway because you had just arrived and slumped on the customer side of the desk.

”I cancelled the elf costume and went for the reindeer anyway.”

You roll your eyes at Amanda- of course she would.

Amanda greeting you by talking about her dog didn’t cheer you up like it normally would. This morning had been unbearable and it hasn’t even started properly. All it took was one thing -that one thing is waking up late- to screw up the rest of the day.

”We have Mr Kim’s new schedule for this week,” Amanda held out the piece of paper whilst typing on the computer, once again showing off her prodigious multitasking skills.

The paper flew out of her two fingers as you snatched it from her and speed-walked around the desk. Crashing down onto your leather seat you read through it with gleaming eyes that didn’t go unnoticed by your desk buddy.

Things between you and Mr Kim have been… friendly? What was once teasing and cursing back and forth turned into genuine conversations every time he came downstairs, (there was still a little teasing and cursing) becoming significantly uninteresting to Amanda, which was a plus for you- although he did still call you foul mouth, proving your suspicions that he didn’t know your name to be true.

Running your fingers over the ink on the page, you memorized as much as you could on first glance, however, it came to a halt once it landed over the end of today.

Monday 5:30 - Dinner date.

A date? The words tasted strange on your tongue and you haven’t even said it out loud yet. You didn’t even know he had time for dates, but you knew it didn’t sit well with you; a grip was on your stomach and the fact that you felt like that, felt wrong entirely. He was basically your boss.

Your upset face was obviously more noticeable than you first thought as it attracted the attention of Amanda, ”something wrong?” she notices the placement of your finger and smirks.

”Jealous?” she spoke in that annoying mocking voice again.

”No,” you slammed the paper onto your desk, becoming engrossed with your computer screen instead, ”why would I be jealous?”

”Because you secretly like your boss and he’s going out with someone who isn’t you,” she had pinned the tail onto the donkey. The donkey was you and the tail was the cold hard truth.

”Fuck off.”

”Stop sulking!”

You scoff at Amanda as you continue to indeed, pout.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t get that upset over it, it wasn’t a big deal at all; he could even have a girlfriend for all you know. What you were really pouting over was the fact that Taehyung had not come downstairs at all today. It has become a habit and you had got used to it, getting comfortable with his presence being there.

You let out one big, final sigh as you start packing up; you hurriedly shove everything into your handbag, mumbling curses to yourself when you accidentally dropped your phone to the floor.

Bending over while praying it didn’t smash, you retrieve your phone and stand back up straight to meet a face you say you’re comfortable with, but still get scared of every time it appears unexpectedly.

”Mr Kim!” you place a hand over your chest and try to calm down from another jumpscare, ”what are you doing down here?”

”You really don’t read my schedule, do you?” Taehyung studies your every movement as you walk around the desk, ”I have a date.”

You press a smile together and raise your eyebrows, ”have fun,” lowering your face, you start speed walking for the door.

As you listened to your heels click against the floor rapidly, another sound of steps close-by catches your attention. You stopped abruptly and whipped your head to the side to see Taehyung.

”Mr Kim what-”

”I prefer it if you would call me Taehyung.”

”But you’re my boss-” you tried speaking again, but inevitably got interrupted.

”And you’re my date y/n,” your heart sped up and somehow slowed down at the same time. He said your name and date in one sentence, ”so let’s go,” your hand was taken from you as Taehyung dragged you away; Amanda excitedly waving you out of the door.

”Mr- Kim, what’s going on?” Taehyung somehow managed to get you into his car before answering your constant questions.

You were both in the back seat and you could not be more confused. You were his date? He knew your actual name?

Taehyung slowly reached over you, grabbing the seatbelt and helping you strap in; the close proximity was deadly as you held in a breath. You could feel his breath tickling the peach fuzz on your cheeks, which were bright red by now.

”You’re my date,” you felt the seatbelt click in place, ”because I like you. You stand up for yourself, which is hot, and are more caring than you think… and I wanted to take you out.”

You were a stuttering mess, words failing to get out, but you managed a small, ”w-wh-well what if I-I don’t want to go out?”

By the smirk on Taehyung’s face, you could tell he was planning something, ”tough,” you watched his dilated pupils getting closer and closer to you; hands nervously sweating and gripping onto the seat once his lips collided with force onto yours.

You felt two hands softly hold your cheeks, easily covering each one with how huge his hands were.

Just like everything else, Taehyung effortlessly got whatever he wanted and you relaxed, kissing him back; fluttering your eyes shut, your hands fell on top of his, softly caressing them as your lips worked together as if that was their sole purpose.

Everything was still confusing for you, but this felt right. It felt comfortable.

Taehyung was the first to pull away, causing the tiniest whimper to fall from your lips once he did. Your foreheads gently lean against each other; his cheeky grin still visible as you gulped.

”You know… for such a foul mouth, I didn’t expect you to taste so sweet.”

Taehyung may have got a smack around the head for that, but, he still pulled you back and enjoyed the taste of your lips for the whole ride to the restaurant.