#i noticed him not looking kurt in the eyes the very first time i saw this episode

[andcrsonn]

hi, i’m having feelings. first of all, the way he can’t even look kurt in the eyes when asking him to dance because he’ll NEVER admit it but he’s nervous and shy and flustered

and also, his bravery here. i know he’s a lot more confident now but he’s doing this in a room FULL of people (and several known bullies) after getting the shit beaten out of him for going to a dance with another guy a few years prior. he just... wow. and darren’s acting. UGH. i just love this scene/episode. AAAAAAAAAAA

[haledamage]

One of the kiss in the rain prompts, your choice, with Nadia/Kurt :3

a hopeful kiss in the rain a playful, happy kiss in the rain

I couldn’t pick which one I liked best, so I decided to use a couple of them! they deserve it :3 special guest appearances by Síora and Sieglinde and their exasperated support of their best friends. I’m very proud of them for not locking anyone in any closets to get them to finally admit their feelings (it was a close call)

Nadia/Kurt and how I think their romance confession actually went. Because I know my girl and there’s no way she waited until That One Romance Scene to smooch her man for the first time. ~3200 words, takes place right after Kurt's third companion quest, so spoilers for that and the conversations after it

---

Kurt kept a keen eye on Nadia as she weaved through the crowd of the Coin Tavern in San Matheus. Though tonight’s lot was perhaps more trustworthy than most, and filled with far more folks than usual who would jump to her rescue in a moment’s notice, it was still his duty to keep her safe, and that’s what he intended to do. He knew better than to let his guard down, even among friends. Especially among friends, if the last month was any indication.

And if, perhaps, he watched her with more than just her safety in mind, eyes lingering on the curve of her lips as she smiled or on the elegant movements of her hands as she spoke, well. Certainly no one in this crowd would fault him for it.

“So that’s her, then,” Sieglinde stated, drawing his attention temporarily away from Nadia to where she sat next to him. The two of them had wedged themselves in a shadowed corner with their backs to the wall, where they could see the entire tavern. Old habits. “The girl you were always talking about, your protege at the palace. Pity it took something like this for me to finally meet her.”

“Aye, that’s her.” Kurt sighed and reached for his mug, though he didn’t raise it to take a drink. “Seems like dangerous business being my ‘protege’ these days.”

“Looks to me like she’s weathered it just fine,” she teased. “Don’t think she minds a bit of danger.”

That just made his frown deepen. “Just because she can face it doesn’t mean she should have to.” Into his drink, he muttered, “Especially not on my account.”

“Come now, Kurt. She’s older than you were when you met her,” Sieglinde pointed out. There was a softness to her voice that told him she wanted to say more about everything he’d endured by the time he was Nadia’s age, but thankfully she let the words linger without voicing them. “Wiser too, I’d wager, and much more charming.” 

He gave Sieglinde a sharp look, though he didn’t deny it. It only earned him a playful smile in return. “More patient, too,” he eventually added. He couldn’t keep the fondness out of his voice, and unconsciously his gaze drifted back across the room to Nadia.

She was leaning over a table full of Nauts and former Ghost Company recruits, her eyes shining and face bright with laughter. Her tablemates stared up at her with nearly identical dazed, starry-eyed expressions. They weren’t the first to be enchanted by the force of nature that was Nadia de Sardet, and wouldn’t be the last.

“She would have to be.” Sieglinde watched Kurt watch Nadia, and saw those same stars in his eyes. “Does she know?”

“Know what?” The answer was almost automatic, the reflexive habit to hide his desires, to push aside his own feelings so they wouldn’t get in anyone else’s way. A habit Síora had been trying to break him of for months now, and Nadia had been trying to find a way to counter for far longer than that.

Sieglinde smacked him on the arm, hard enough to feel it even through the padding of his armor. “Don’t play dumb, Kurt. You can fool your nobles, but you can’t fool me. I know you too well.”

He sighed, pulled off his hat so he could drag a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter,” he said eventually, quiet enough that he could barely be heard over the din of the tavern crowd. “She deserves better than some bitter old mercenary like me.”

“Perhaps she does.” He appreciated that she didn’t try to offer any platitudes or pretend he was anything other than what he was. She had never been one to dance around the truth. “But even a blind man could see the way you look at her. And the way she looks at you.”

As if she could sense that they were talking about her, Nadia glanced in their direction, her eyes locking on Kurt’s with deadly precision.

She smiled at him like they were the only people in the room, sweet and warm and much too intimate for this place. It made him want to whisk her away from here and take her somewhere he could keep that smile all to himself.

It took longer than he liked to push that feeling away.

“Seems to me ‘bitter old mercenary’ is exactly what she wants,” Sieglinde murmured, going in for the kill while his guard was down.

Then someone came by and forced Nadia’s attention back to her table, and the moment was lost.

When she finally looked away, Kurt let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “It doesn’t matter,” he said again.

Sieglinde chuckled to herself, the sound somehow both fond and derisive. “You’re a stubborn fool, Kurt.” 

There was no bite in her words, but it still made Kurt feel strangely defensive, and he rounded on her like he expected her to draw her sword on him. “What would you have me do, then?” he snapped, both louder and sharper than he intended. “Court her? Ask her to risk everything for me? Or should I beg her uncle for permission to--”

“You think that girl cares one bit what her uncle thinks about anything she does?” Sieglinde hissed. “The only man whose opinion has ever mattered to her is you. Stop pretending you can’t see that.”

Kurt scoffed darkly and reached for his drink rather than bothering to reply. Doing so would mean admitting that she was right, and he refused to give her the satisfaction.

In the lull in conversation, his attention wandered once again, compulsively, inevitably, back to Nadia.

It wasn’t that he was afraid that she didn’t feel the same for him as he did for her. If anything, he was afraid that she did. 

He had known for a long time that she was attracted to him. She had been since she was a child, and had never been shy or subtle about it. The compliments, the cheek kisses, the fond yet teasing way she always said his name--those weren't new developments.

But they had changed since coming to Teer Fradee. Everything had. Or maybe it hadn’t; maybe the only thing that had changed was him. Maybe all the island had done was help him realize that Nadia was no longer a little girl with a crush, but a grown woman who knew exactly what kind of man he was and still smiled at him like he was the sunrise.

“Tell her how you feel, Kurt.” He had almost forgotten Sieglinde was still there, but thankfully managed not to startle when her voice interrupted his long-overdue epiphany. “If not tonight, then soon. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.”

“I know.” The words hurt to say, and his voice came out rough and raspy even by his usual standards.

She was kind enough to ignore it beyond a companionable pat on his shoulder. “Leave your doubts in the ashes with Hermann where they belong, and stop letting ghosts hold you back.”

The shoulder pat became a firm grip as she used him to leverage herself out of her seat. “I’ll get the next round. I hope you’re not here when I get back.”

Kurt lifted what remained of his ale as Sieglinde melted into the crowd, draining the mug in one swig. He slammed it to the table, then forced himself to his feet and went to find Nadia before he could talk himself out of it.

---

Nadia could feel the weight of Kurt’s eyes on her all afternoon as she drifted through the tavern talking to friends both new and old. It took constant effort to keep herself from seeking him out over the crowd, and even then she had only succeeded half the time. She had resorted to finding a chair facing the opposite direction, to remove the temptation entirely.

Síora had yet to decide if she found the whole situation amusing or exasperating. At the moment, she leaned more towards the latter. “Will you catch fire if you look at him, carants?” she asked dryly. “Is that why you act this way?”

Nadia forced herself to stop looking over her shoulder, giving her friend a sheepish grin. “Am I that obvious?”

“You are as subtle as a charging andríg. And yet he still pretends he does not see it.” Síora rolled her eyes, but her expression softened quickly into a playful smile. “You are more patient than I am, Nadi. I would have tired of his hesitating long ago.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” She had to resist the urge to defend Kurt, to point out all the perfectly valid reasons he had for holding back. Instead, she leaned forward conspiratorially, resting her elbows on the table between them. “What would you have me do, then? Flavia suggests I should just show up naked at his door one day.”

“Knowing Kurt, he would simply offer to loan you a shirt.” Síora laughed, and Nadia joined her. They both knew he wasn’t dense enough to actually misread a situation like that, but Kurt had a habit of being intentionally obtuse where Nadia was concerned.

Síora leaned back in her chair, balancing precariously on its back legs, giving her friend a shrewd look. “You should tell him the truth. As plainly as possible, so he cannot hide from it. Whatever happens next is his choice.”

“Maybe,” Nadia responded vaguely. She gave in to the urge to glance in the direction of Kurt’s table, only to find it empty.

Síora’s chair returned to solid ground with a loud clack of wood on wood. “What are you waiting for? A sign from the spirits? Arrows drawn in the sand, encouragement written in the clouds?”

“That would be nice. Is that really so much to ask?”

Síora’s attention shifted to something in the crowd behind Nadia. “It would appear not.”

Before she could ask for clarification on that cryptic statement, a hand landed gently on Nadia’s shoulder. She had a feeling she knew who it belonged to even before she looked up into familiar gray eyes.

“Could I trouble you for a moment?” Kurt asked as soon as he had her attention, the question leaving him in a rush. “There’s… something I’d like to talk to you about.”

“Of course.” Nadia caught Siora’s eye as she stood from her seat; the other woman looked positively smug. She valiantly ignored it, smiling at Kurt instead. “I think we could both use a little fresh air. Why don’t we take a walk?”

---

Outside, it was cool and quiet, the bustling city feeling almost serene after the hectic tavern. The day was verging on dusk, oranges and reds starting to paint the edges of the heavy clouds that hung overhead. A light rain fell, just enough to make its presence known, but there was much more to come, if those clouds were any indication.

Kurt jumped when Nadia took his arm. Not dramatically, barely more than a twitch really, but enough for her to notice. She gave his bicep what she hoped was a comforting squeeze as he led her away from the tavern.

They strolled at a leisurely pace, in no hurry to get anywhere and with no destination in mind. Kurt watched the road, as if the cobblestones under their boots held a particular fascination for him; Nadia watched him from the corner of her eye, trying to judge his mood from what she could see of his profile.

“Is something the matter?” she asked, when it became clear that he wasn’t going to speak first. “You seem… distracted.”

He laughed quietly, but there was no humor in it. “I suppose you could say that.” He finally lifted his gaze from the ground to meet her eyes, but only for a moment before his attention returned to the street. “It’s nothing you need to worry yourself over, Green Blood. Recent events have just dredged up a lot of history. History that was better off staying buried.”

Nadia no longer bothered to hide the way she watched him. “I’m not going to force you to talk about it, but if you want to, I’ll listen.” She slid her hand down his arm to lace their fingers together instead. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

She was surprised when Kurt started speaking, but her surprise quickly gave away to anger when she heard what he was saying. In a measured voice that did little to cover how painful the subject was for him, he told her about his life before they met. About Hermann and his ‘elite training’. About the conditioning, the torture, the abuse. About even worse atrocities that made the words catch in his throat, refusing to be given voice.

Some of it she already suspected; the rest answered a lot of questions that still lingered from the years Kurt had been her master of arms. The careful, respectful distance he kept her at when she was a child, never touching her in any way unless necessary and asking permission first when he had no other choice; the way he never raised his voice, no matter what trouble she and Constantin caused; the care he took not to injure them during training; the routine check-ins about her well-being, and that her teachers and peers weren't mistreating her; all of it suddenly, horrifically, made sense.

It turned out that burning at the stake was too kind of a fate for Hermann after all. Nadia wished she could go back in time to do it differently. She'd have dragged the bastard all the way to Tír Fradí’s volcano and personally fed him directly to en on míl frichtimen.

“Kurt…” she started, but words failed her. ‘I’m sorry’ felt trite, ‘thank you for telling me’ too unsympathetic.

He smiled at her like he heard everything she didn’t say. “You don’t need to worry about me, Green Blood,” he told her again. “It was a long time ago. He went up in flames, and my memories with him.”

That wasn’t true, and they both knew it, but Nadia let Kurt keep his lie.

Before he could change the subject entirely, though, she closed the gap between them so she could wrap her arms around him, hugging him as tight as she was able. She half expected him to pull away, but he returned the hug without hesitation.

“I know how hard it was to talk about this,” she murmured, her voice muffled slightly by his thickly padded armor. “Thank you for trusting me with it.”

“It means a lot that you’ve been with me through all of this, Nadia. I won’t forget it.” There was more emotion in his voice in those two sentences than there had been while telling her about everything he’d endured.

She shook her head, nuzzling her face deeper into his shoulder in the process. “Kurt, I care about you. I never would have made you face this alone.”

Kurt went suddenly and completely still, and it took longer than Nadia would’ve liked for it to dawn on her why.

“Would you…” he cleared his throat before continuing with less of a tremor in his voice, “can you repeat that for me?”

Oh saints and spirits, this wasn’t how she wanted to do this, but there was no way she would take it back, not ever. If her time on Tír Fradí had taught her anything, it was that one had to take their moments when they come.

She released him and leaned back enough so she could see his face. He watched her with a mix of trepidation and hope. “Kurt. My dearest Kurt…” she touched his face, tracing her fingertips over the arch of his cheek, the sharp edge of his jaw, the scar on his chin, “I care about you. So much.”

She wasn’t sure which of them was more surprised when he kissed her.

It was just a brush of lips, barely more than mingling breath, and over almost as soon as it began. Nadia barely had enough time to feel disappointed about the brevity of it before Kurt kissed her a second time, soft but no longer hesitant, sweet and warm as a summer morning.

His breath left him in a quick, astonished laugh when they eventually parted. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he confessed, barely above a whisper, studying her face like he’d never seen her before. “Forgive me my foolishness for making you wait.”

The rain started to fall around them in earnest, cold and dismal, but Nadia paid it no mind. Nothing short of divine intervention could have pulled her away from him. “You are worth waiting for, Kurt.”

Kurt lit up with a smile she’d never seen from him before, genuine and joyful. “As gracious as she is beautiful…” he cradled her face between both hands, his thumbs gently caressing her cheeks, “what have I done to deserve such a gift?”

“I can make you a list, if you’d like. Would you prefer it chronologically or alphabetically?”

His laughter was the loveliest thing she’d ever heard. She couldn’t resist kissing him again, to see if it tasted as sweet as it sounded.

They were well and truly soaked by the time they parted again, and Kurt, ever the responsible one, frowned at the icy water that dripped from the brim of Nadia’s hat. The chill had started to seep into her bones, and it was only due to Kurt’s warmth and her own sheer force of will that she wasn’t shivering yet.

“We should get out of the rain. Wouldn’t want you catching cold.”

An innocuous statement; an obvious one, even. But one that raised an interesting question: “Back to the tavern? Or the house?”

If they went back to the tavern, they could rejoin their friends and pretend nothing had changed. It would be the more proper thing to do, to return to their chaperones and allow their courtship to follow a conventional pace. Going home meant having the rest of the night to themselves… to whatever end they chose.

“I think I’ve had my fill of crowds for the day. I want you to myself a little longer.” There was a promise in his voice that made her breath catch, followed by a surprising bashfulness as he dropped his gaze, the growing puddles on the ground around them suddenly fascinating. “If that is what you want, of course… I don’t mean to presume…”

“Yes,” she said quickly, before Kurt could find a way to talk himself out of this. “I want that too.”

He relaxed, tension draining from his shoulders, replaced with a tentative, but hopeful, version of the smile from before. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that.”

The storm picked up even more, stalling any further conversation. Nadia grabbed his hand as she took off down the street, practically running down the rapidly emptying alleys for the short distance to their home.

She pulled him back into her arms as soon as they crossed the threshold, her lips finding his again even before the door was latched. There was no telling how long it would be before they next had to brave the storm; she wanted to make the most of whatever time they had now.

[artsy0wl]

Secret Admirer

This is a fun little Nightsilver fic. As well as my first for the ship. I kind of got interested in the ship after finding some really good art of it. Mainly from the Fox movieverse. Though I may try to expand on it in other adaptations. In the meantime, though, I wanted to share this.

This is meant to be a simple and sweet fic where Kurt has a secret admirer. It takes place after X-Men Apocalypse.

Roses are red,

Kurt’s fur is blue,

Nightcrawler has an admirer,

Can you guess who?

One little poem was enough to cause chaos. When it showed up in Kurt’s room, Kurt didn’t think much of it. It was cute, and it certainly got Kurt’s curiosity, but he wanted to take it slow and investigate on his own. His compatriots disagreed.

Scott was reasonable about it. He offered to help Kurt look for his admirer, should the blue mutant choose to pursue it. He also offered safety tips.

Ororo was also intrigued by it. She found it cute, if a little cliché. But she love the idea of Kurt having a secret admirer.

Jean and Jubilee, meanwhile, were a bit more energetic when learning the news. They wanted to find Kurt’s admirer for him. He deserved to find love and that was all that mattered.

~

Blue fur in twilight

Eyes shine like electric diamonds

Embrace silver waves

This haiku was found in Kurt’s coat pocket. How it got there, he had no idea. Maybe a student snuck it in there when he wasn’t looking. It held a clue in the form of carefully placed color choices and phrasing. Blue fur was a reference to Kurt. Electric eyes could be a comparison to how his glowed, or perhaps implied a weather based admirer.

Ororo was the first suspect because of that. But after a few moments of inoffensive interrogating, Jubilee was able to cross her off with a bang.

Silver waves was Jean’s term to investigate. She wondered if it could imply a mutant with water based powers. Maybe even ice, since it could have a silvery transparent look. Ororo could be a possibility, but with her excluded, Jean investigated other mutants, only to turn up short when the mutants who had water based powers claimed they weren’t interested in him. And Bobby, the only ice based mutant on the premises, stated that, while Kurt was certainly someone he wouldn’t mind dating, he didn’t believe he was Kurt’s type and Bobby had a boyfriend already.

Kurt, meanwhile, was enjoying moments of relaxation. Since he wasn’t doing the investigating, he could catch up on some reading. No one bothered him, save Jean and Jubilee with reports and Scott clearing the air with questions on how to ask Jean out.

When they weren’t around, everyone seemed to leave him be. It was peaceful. Yet, he never seemed alone. Several times, he could have sworn he felt a breeze run passed him. But with no windows opened, he wasn’t sure what caused it.

Come to think of it, Kurt realized he hadn’t seen Pietro much since this started. He saw him in passing, the speedster stating he had a lot of work to do. Pietro also appeared oblivious to what was going on, or at the very least indifferent. He shrugged off the love letters as something endearing, but not his business, wanting to respect Kurt’s boundaries in regards to it. It was sweet of Pietro, if only a little bizarre. Kurt assumed Pietro would have been curiously nosy about this kind of stuff.

~

Beautifully blue elven cat,

With raven black hair I wish to pat,

Dainty and gothic,

Strong and catastrophic,

Wait for a humble and silver chat.

This poem felt ominous and planned. Was this flirting in poem form? What was an ‘elven cat’ and why did his admirer call him one? Was Kurt’s admirer going to show themselves soon?

Sitting on the couch in the lounge area reading, Kurt ignored the speculations and scheming that Scott, Jean, Jubilee, and now Bobby, were involved in. Kurt felt a quick breeze before noticing that Pietro was sitting next to him. His arm slung around the blue mutant’s frame as Pietro eyed Kurt with curiosity. Kurt kept his sight on his book, but waved his tail a little to signify he knew Pietro was there.

“Any luck on this secret admirer business?” Pietro inquired.

“Not really.” Kurt confirmed, turning the page. “I haven’t been investigating much, but I welcome the mystery.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t know why I would have a secret admirer, but it’s kind of sweet in an awkward and mysterious way.”

A low hum escaped Pietro as his arm wrapped around Kurt’s shoulders. A slightly purple hue painted Kurt’s face as he was pulled closer to Pietro.

“What makes you think you don’t deserve an admirer?” Pietro inquired. “You’re adorable.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a bit funny looking.” Kurt mused, still a little purple in the face. “Demon and all. People seem to think I’m some scary monster.”

As though attempting to comfort Kurt, Pietro hugged him. It wasn’t right that people called him a monster and demon.

“You’re not a monster.” Pietro argued. “You’re an elven kitten.”

“I wouldn’t say… what did you say?”

“You’re an elven kitten. An adorably blue elven cat with electric eyes.”

Pietro’s hand ran through Kurt’s dark hair, patting his head oh so gently. Finally setting his book down, Kurt looked at Pietro with wide eyes.

“It was you?” Kurt realized.

“Yes.” Pietro confirmed with a nod. “I’ve fallen for you. Hard. Since they day you teleported into my life.”

Pietro’s free hand cupped the side of Kurt’s face, causing the mutant to turn an even deeper shade of purple. Flattered, shocked, and confused, Kurt had so many questions. His mind felt like a tornado of surreal curiosity.

Until this point, Kurt never considered the option that he was loved in such a way. And though Kurt wasn’t on his mind most days, Kurt couldn’t lie that Pietro was charming in an energetic and optimistic way. Like a super charged bunny with a smile that made Kurt’s heart flutter. But one thing plagued Kurt’s mind.

“I… I never would have thought… Why me?”

“Because you are sweet, strong, and are deserving of love.” Pietro stated, chuckling as the flattery ruffled Kurt’s perplexed feathers. “You're so cute when your confused.”

Leaning closer, Pietro barely hovered over Kurt’s face. Warm breathes tickled Kurt’s face, anticipation and curiosity growing.

“May I kiss you?” Pietro asked.

Stunned, Kurt froze for a moment. The question itself was innocent enough, but what he asked for was a surprise. After a moment of silence, Kurt nodded, sealing the deal with a literal kiss.

The kiss was soft and gently, closing the case of the secret admirer. Neither one care if anyone saw, as both relished the soft intimacy. Both craved the affection, not wanting it to end. And it was all thanks to three lovely poems.

[forabeatofadrum]

So Much Better

Summary: Kurt is very excited to make his Broadway debut in Deaf West’s production of Legally Blonde. He plays the Voice of Emmett and he has to work with Blaine, a Deaf actor who’s been part of the show since the very beginning. They grow closer through the process.

Notes: This is my @klainesecretsanta2022 gift to Terra (@klainedreams34​)! The original prompt was: Kurt and Blaine are both making their Broadway debut in the same production, however, one of them is deaf. If you’d like a reference, you can look up deaf west spring awakening on YouTube! I am a huge fan of Deaf West’s Spring Awakening, so I immediately selected that prompt.

(Also, while we’re at it, please read Terra’s fic Wild Child! I am obsessed with it.)

For this fic, all the spoken language is “written like this, between quotation marks”, including simcom or when someone speaks through an interpreter. All the written language is written like this in italics. All the signed language is WRITTEN LIKE THIS, IN ALL CAPS. I chose all caps for the ASL since ASL gloss is written in all caps. That being said, I wrote all the ASL in English, so I did not follow the ASL and glossing rules.

Enjoy!

Read the fic on S&C | Read the fic on AO3 | Or read the fic here under the cut:

--

“I am here because I want to be challenged.”

Everyone claps politely and Rachel sits down with a satisfied grin on her face. She’s basking in the praise and Kurt envies her confidence. It’s almost his time to introduce himself and he’s incredibly nervous.

This is his first role on Broadway.

This is a show that tries to break boundaries.

This is a show he wants to be proud of.

Yet, he can’t help but be anxious. What if he is terribly miscast? After all, if you had told Kurt a year ago that he’d play the Voice of Emmett in Deaf West’s production of Legally Blonde, he wouldn’t have believed you.

Kurt, of all people, as the straight romantic male lead?

Well, of course, that is partially true. He’s technically voicing the role. A Deaf actor will embody Emmett, but they will play the role together and Kurt’s high-pitched gay voice will be heard by the hearing audience.

When it’s finally time for Kurt to speak, he gets up. All eyes are on him for now.

“Uh, hello, my name is Kurt Hummel,” he says and signs. He can’t sign at all, but he did teach himself how to introduce himself in ASL. He looked up some things, since it’s important. Luckily the interpreter takes over for the rest. “I will be playing the Voice of Emmett and I am here because I want to challenge others. Thanks.”

He sits down again and the round continues.

When it’s time for Blaine Anderson to do his talk, Kurt sits up.

“Hello, my name is Blaine Anderson,” the interpreter speaks for Blaine. Blaine is signing and it’s captivating. “I play the role of Emmett and I am very happy to be here. I am here because I want to show the audience how Deafness can enhance an existing story. Thank you.”

Kurt and the others wave their hands as applause. When Blaine sits he looks at Kurt and smiles. Kurt nods back. He knows that the two of them will be playing the role together, so they’ll be seeing each other a lot.

He noticed Blaine from the beginning. This is the first time that the entire cast is officially meeting, but the moment Blaine stepped into the room, Kurt saw him. Kurt’s done his research on Deaf West Legally Blonde so he knew that he’s going to be sharing the role with Blaine. Still, seeing him in real life is different.

The roll call finishes and the group disbands for a small break. Most of the cast is familiar with each other. Deaf West Legally Blonde had a run in Los Angeles before it transferred to Broadway, but some people, including Kurt, have joined the cast. Rachel playing Elle Woods was a huge deal, since she’s the lead. So far the new hearing cast members and the new Deaf cast members hang out separately, since there is a language barrier. Only April Rhodes, who plays Paulette, is a hearing member who can sign.

But Rachel was right: they’re also here to get challenged, so Kurt steps towards Blaine who is rapidly signing to Quinn Fabray, the Deaf actress who plays Brooke.

“Hi,” Kurt says. Quinn and Blaine share a look, and Blaine smiles.

HI, he signs back. Kurt recognises that one. K-U-R-T, RIGHT?

Kurt nods.

Blaine quickly signs something to Quinn, who nods and walks off to Santana, the hearing actress who plays Brooke with Quinn.  

YOU SIGN? Blaine asks.

NO, Kurt shakes his head. He takes his phone out of his pocket and points towards it. Blaine nods. They can also ask one of the interpreters to help, but this works as well.

Kurt hands his phone to Blaine so that Blaine put in his number. He quickly sends a text.

KH: Hello!

The screen of Blaine’s phone lights up.

BA: Hello, it works!

I think this might be the easiest right now

KH: Yeah sorry I don’t know how to sign

BA: That’s fine. You’ll learn

I can teach you

Although you won’t be fluent. It takes years

KH: I looked up some signs but it is difficult

BA: It’s fine

So, how did you become part of the show?

Kurt knows that Blaine Anderson has been part of this show since the workshopping days. Kurt only joined for this production and this spot was opened up because the actor who did the role in Los Angeles joined another Broadway show.

KH: I just auditioned. I love the original and I saw the casting call and I took a chance.

Kurt still thinks it’s a miracle that he got the role. Rachel as Elle was a given in Kurt’s mind, but Kurt still can’t believe this is real.

BA: I think you’re great

That message surprises Kurt.

KH: Oh?

BA: Yeah I’ve looked you up

Kurt has some Off-Broadway and regional credits. They’re not big roles like this, but he’s proud of his work, so he smiles when he sees that message.

KH: I also looked up your stuff with Deaf West

Kurt wants to write some more, but the small break is over. Everyone’s called back. Blaine sends him one quick final message.

BA: We’ll talk more, yeah?

Kurt sees that Blaine’s looking at him so he gives him a thumbs up.

--

Rehearsal is heavy, especially for the newer cast members. Kurt plays a Voice, so he doesn’t have to sign in the show. As a result he spends most of the rehearsal with the other Voices. He also has music rehearsal, which is something the Deaf cast isn’t part of, expect for when they’re also rehearing the signing. There are some music rehearsals where everyone signs instead of sings, in order to get the timing right. This show is all about working together. He goes through staging, tech and blocking with the entire company. All the Voices are constantly next to the actors who embody the roles.

In the first week he hasn’t really gotten the time to sit down with Blaine to talk about Emmett. Everyone’s just busy getting the basics together, although he and Blaine have texted a little bit over the week. They know they will be seen a lot together, since they play the same role.

This production is truly something he’s never done before. He’s never had to share a role like this. Sure, Kurt’s been an understudy for one of his Off-Broadway roles, so he technically shared that role with someone else and that led to cooperation, but they weren’t on stage simultaneously.

When Kurt and Blaine finally have time to sit down with an interpreter, they go over the script together to go through every line Emmett has. They’re in their dressing room and they flip through the pages. They both approach the role in a different way. They’re going through their big number, Chip On My Shoulder, which is the song where Emmett and Elle really grow together.

“Hello Kitty…” Kurt reads out loud with a smile, “I always loved how Christian Borle said it in the MTV proshot.”

Blaine has a questioning look on his face.

“Oh, uh, he said it in a really deadpan voice and he draws out the words,” Kurt explains, “And he put a pause between Hello and Kitty for humorous effect.”

Blaine squints his eyes slightly. Right, of course. How do you explain sound and speech to someone who’s never heard it?

“Can you do that?” Blaine asks.

Kurt watches Blaine’s signs as he listens to the interpreter. He’s already realised that it makes it easier to recognise the signs.

YES, Kurt signs back, I THINK.

And Kurt in turn signs when he’s able to in order to practise.

“In my opinion, Chip On My Shoulder is probably one of the most important moments in the show,” Blaine continues, “Maybe I am biased, since I play Emmett, but I think it is more monumental than So Much Better.”

“Well, yes, we get to hear Emmett’s point of view,” Kurt agrees, “His life. His motivation. We already know about Elle. This is the moment she starts to share the spotlight.”

Blaine nods eagerly.

“Exactly!”

“What do you think Emmett’s main motivations are?” Kurt asks. After all, they’re here to do a deep dive on their character. “For helping, Elle, I mean. I always thought it was a mix of pity and kindness. He’s a kind guy, so when he feels bad for someone, he wants to help.”

“Oh, I have an idea.”

TELL ME, Kurt signs.

“For starters, in our production, Emmett is Deaf,” Blaine points towards himself and he winks, which makes Kurt laugh, “I think that his initial annoyance with Elle only gets exacerbated because of this. Elle is this very privileged hearing rich girl who walks in thinking she can just own the place, whereas he had to work very hard to even get into Harvard. And I know we make Harvard a more Deaf friendly school, since Emmett isn’t the only Deaf or hard of hearing person in this university, but it is still harder for them.”

“Look, they laughed at me, like they're laughing at you/We can't win if we don't follow through,” Kurt sings.

Blaine nods.

“Yes, people don’t always take us seriously, so that line stood out in particular.”

“Huh,” Kurt says. He’s been a fan of Legally Blonde the musical ever since he watched the proshot on MTV. He’s known the lyrics by heart, even before he auditioned. Yet, he’d never thought of it like that.

“Plus,” Blaine continues, “He’s also different from other Deaf characters in our show since he’s from a poorer background. That is why he also stands out in the group of Deaf Harvard students like Vivienne and the Deaf Delta Nu ladies.”

YOU’RE RIGHT, Kurt signs.

I KNOW, Blaine signs with a smile.

“So it’s not out of pity or kindness, but out of recognition?” Kurt says and Blaine nods.

“Well, also out of recognition,” Blaine clarifies, “I agree with you that Emmett is too good for this world so he’d help Elle even if he didn’t have that recognition.”

“Like in the original.”

Blaine nods again.

“You said on the very first day that you were excited to show a Deaf perspective and how it can enhance the show.”

Blaine’s eyes widen in surprise.

“You remember that!”

“Of course I did,” Kurt says with an ‘isn’t it obvious’ tone.

“Yeah, well, it isn’t much,” Blaine shrugs, “But it’s something and even though it’s small, I think it already adds a lot. Kind of like how they added the ban on signing in class in Spring Awakening. Did you see that show?”

Kurt nods. It was one of the best Broadway experiences ever and it’s one of the reasons he auditioned for this show, despite his own reservations and doubt.

“It’s great that, like in Spring Awakening, the original script isn’t changed. It just adds new meaning to the existing text,” Kurt says.

YES! Blaine signs excitedly. His movements become more eccentric and the signs take up more place when he’s really excited and Kurt loves it. He loves to learn about communication in a new way.

The two of them share a smile. Glad to hear they’re on the same page. He’s already overheard Kitty, another new cast member and who plays the Voice of Vivienne, talk about how it’s quite difficult to connect to Mercedes.

Kurt was afraid that he and Blaine also wouldn’t click, since Blaine has shared this role with another person, but it’s going well.

Kurt gets pulled out of his thoughts when Blaine taps the table.

“Hm?” Kurt gives him a questioning look.

“And what about you?” Blaine asks.

WHAT? Kurt asks back.

“You said that you wanted to challenge others.”

“Oh, right,” Kurt says.

Now, Blaine has a questioning look on his face.

“It doesn’t really have anything to do with the text,” Kurt motions towards the script, “I don’t think it’s super relevant for how we want to characterise Emmett.”

Or at least Kurt hadn’t thought about it like that.

He tries to talk around it, since he hasn’t shared his doubts about his casting with anyone, not even Rachel. Rachel probably wouldn’t get it. She’s too caught up in her own excitement and Kurt’s a bit jealous of it.

He wants to be exuberant as well, but he just worries about what the audience will think.

“Okay. I still want to know,” Blaine says when he realises that Kurt isn’t saying it outright, “Out of interest. You must’ve had a reason for it.”

Kurt sighs. Well, if they are going to work together then they will definitely get to know each other better. No matter what, Blaine will find out at one point down the line. Maybe it’s best to tell him so early in the process.

“I want to challenge the audience… with my voice,” he answers.

Blaine frowns. He doesn’t get it.

“When I auditioned for this role, I took it with a grain of salt. I was certain Finn would get the role of Voice of Emmett, but Finn encouraged me to try it anyway.”

“Wait, sorry, Finn who voices Kyle?”

Kurt nods.

“Yup, he’s my brother.”

Blaine looks impressed but then he realises he’s interrupted Kurt and he motions towards him to proceed.

“When I got the callback, I thought they were joking. But they weren’t. They wanted me as Emmett, and after a couple of audition rounds… here I am!”

“Here you are,” Blaine agrees.

“And I couldn’t imagine them casting me, a gay guy, to be the male romantic lead in Legally Blonde. So I am afraid that I am miscast and that the audience will hate it.”

“Wait, wait,” Blaine looks confused, “Gay guys play straight roles all the time and vice versa. If you’re a good actor, and I know you are, then it shouldn’t be a problem. I am gay too, and I’m not too worried.”

Kurt’s momentarily thrown off by Blaine saying he’s gay that he’s lost for words.

Blaine is gay too?

Two gay guys are playing Emmett?

Blaine tilts his head when Kurt remains silent and Kurt realises he’s waiting for Kurt to say more. Kurt tries not to blush and he pushes the gay revelation away for now. There is still a major difference between the two of them.

“Yes, but it’s my gay voice,” Kurt says, “My high-pitched gay voice. When I pick up the phone, a lot of people think it’s my mom. Acting will be fine, especially since you’re doing all the blocking and the big romantic scenes are between you and Rachel, but everyone will hear my voice and realise that something feels wrong.”

“Correction. Not everyone will hear your voice,” Blaine quickly points out.

“Right. Of course.”

“But I guess I don’t really understand,” Blaine looks apologetic, “I didn’t know there was a thing like a gay voice.”

“There is,” Kurt affirms, “Of course not every gay man sounds like me, but my tone and the way I speak might be seen as gay. I used to get bullied for it at school. Kids would just mock me by mimicking my voice when I walked past them.”

Blaine nods.

“And I love my gay voice. I always have,” Kurt quickly adds. That’s very important. Kurt loves being gay and he’s always been unabashedly himself. “But it has closed doors for me, especially in the entertainment world, so I am not sure if the audience will appreciate it.”

“But you want to make them appreciate it,” Blaine points out, “You want to challenge people.”

Kurt nods.

He really does. He wants to show the audience that he can play this role of Voice of Emmett. He is confident that he can do it, but it doesn’t take away the fear that others won’t see it. A miscast can doom an entire show and Kurt has a big role.

Blaine raises his hands and he’s about to say something when someone knocks on the door. Kurt and the interpreter instinctively look towards the door. Blaine sees it and he understands what is going on when Kurt gets up to open the door.

“Hey Kurt,” Santana says and then her eyes widen when she looks over his shoulder.

“What?”

SORRY, Santana signs to Blaine. Then she nods towards the interpreter to indicate that she needs help. “I didn’t know you were here as well. I wouldn’t have knocked if I knew.”

IT’S FINE, Blaine signs back. He gets up as well. I WILL GO.

WAIT, Kurt signs.

Blaine shakes his head.

“We can continue later,” he shrugs and he and the interpreter leave Kurt and Santana alone.

Santana watches them go.

“You two seem to be getting along,” she says.

“Yeah.”

“Good. It’s an adjustment for newer people,” Santana says. She’s played the Voice of Brooke since the beginning and she has a strong bond with Quinn.

“Is there something you needed?” Kurt asks.

In the end, Santana only needed his opinion on her outfit. He appreciates that he’s being seen as the fashion guru in the cast, but he wishes he had stayed with Blaine just a bit longer.

--

And just like that, the first week of rehearsal is over. It was one of the busiest weeks of Kurt’s life. He knows it isn’t going to be less busy, but he’s gotten used to his new routine. He, Finn and Rachel travel to the theatre together. They have lunch in the city together with some others. Then it’s more rehearsal and when he gets home he goes over all the new signs that he’s learnt.

But for some reason he can’t get the hang of the TRUE BIZ sign. It doesn’t help that this is a sign with no English translation. Kurt’s embarrassed to say that he didn’t know that ASL and English aren’t analogous. ASL isn’t “English with your hands”, but it has its own words, structure and grammar. Saying that it is English also feels wrong, because there are differences between the sign languages in other English speaking countries.

Basically, Kurt’s struggling.

He’d love to ask Rachel for an opinion, but she isn’t home. She is out with Finn. Besides, maybe it is better to ask an expert.

Kurt knows who to ask. He grabs his phone to text Blaine.

KH: Hey can I ask you a question about signs?

BA:  Yes sure

KH:  How do you use true biz again? I know how to sign it, just not how to use it

BA:  You can use it as a synonym for actually, definitely, totally

As in

true biz I am playing Emmett

so like, I am totally playing Emmett

Kurt quickly films a video of himself signing it and he sends it to Blaine. Blaine sends some thumbs up emojis back and Kurt smiles.

--

“Broadway!” someone yells and the interpreter signs it as well. As a result, the crowd goes mad. It’s their first day in the theatre! In that first week they were stuck in a rehearsal space with tape on the floor, but now the set’s been built and it’s time to move to the stage.

People are smiling and crying and filming. It’s one big bundle of joy.

COME ON! Blaine signs before grabbing Kurt by the shoulders and leading him towards the stage door.

WE ARE HERE, Kurt signs back and Blaine nods.

Together they walk in. It’s an amazing feeling and both can’t stop grinning. After exploring the theatre a bit more, it’s time to find their dressing room. They share a big dressing room with Finn and Dustin Goolsby, who play Kyle, Will Schuester who plays Professor Callahan and Sebastian Smythe who plays Warner.

Finn and Dustin are already inside when Kurt and Blaine get there and Finn gives them both a thumbs up.

It’s as if everything’s slowly falling into place. They’re in their still bare dressing room. They are in the theatre! The sets are finished. The costumes are basically done. It’s all going uphill from here, Kurt’s certain of it.

Blaine and Dustin immediately start signing to each other and Kurt and Finn also talk about taking it all in. Will and Sebastian also arrive and they all bask in the glory of Broadway.

They’re all called to the stage for more formal information and Kurt and Blaine go together. They’re still grinning.

I , Blaine signs and then he adds another sign that Kurt doesn’t know, so Kurt copies it with a questioning look.

D-R-E-A-M, Blaine fingerspells, DREAM.

It takes a couple of times for Kurt to get it, since he can fingerspell well, but reading it is still difficult. When he gets it, he smiles and signs SAME.

TOGETHER, Blaine signs.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Kurt signs back.

US TOGETHER. BROADWAY!

“Fuck yeah,” Kurt automatically says, but Blaine must’ve understood because his grin widens. They’re going to do it. Together. Kurt can’t say that the anxiety about his potential miscast is gone, but Blaine really encourages him by being so enthusiastic. Sure, Blaine can’t hear him sing, but it shows that he likes Kurt’s work for other reasons as well.

He’s really happy that he got paired together with Blaine.

--

Of course, it isn’t all work and business. The cast loves to play around behind the scenes. They all need it in order to stay sane during the long rehearsal days.

And most days they immediately go home to fall to their beds.

Other days, they go out.

The entire cast is at an arcade. It is incredibly loud. The noises of many arcades is overwhelming.

Kurt and Blaine are playing Mario Kart and there must be something off with the machine because the tones are so high, it is grating and probably not supposed to be like this. Blaine, of course, doesn’t care.

LOUD, Kurt signs and points to the machine.

Blaine laughs.

REALLY?

YES!

And Blaine just laughs more. Kurt likes his laugh. It’s nice.

--

Kurt and Blaine are at Blaine’s apartment, once again going over the script. They revise their work every now and then, even outside of work. That’s because they’re very dedicated to it.

They’re doing it through text this time, since they didn’t ask one of the interpreters to come along. It’s fine. Communicating through texting and writing is obviously more demanding than signing or speaking, but they both agreed it’s okay.

They want to do this right with the role.

After all, the Voice of Emmett is basically Emmett internally. Something he does not want to share with the outside world. They have already worked on how Kurt is going to deliver those lines and how Blaine will sign along, but they also want to show the relationship between Emmett and his voice in their blocking.

What does Emmett’s Voice represent? In Spring Awakening, the Voices would represent a character’s inner thoughts, or a character’s innocence, or a true self.

What is Emmett’s true self?

BA: I think Emmett has a lot of thoughts that he cannot express easily.

KH: As in?

BA: Well, I think that in Take It Like A Man, we can play around and show Emmett’s true feelings towards Elle.

KH: We might have to discuss it with the director if we want to make big changes.

Luckily, the Artie is very open to input from others.

BA: True

But I think it’d be nice if you might move more closer to Rachel, while I am in the changing booth. To show Emmett trying to reach out.

And then when Rachel is done paying and moves back to me, you quickly turn away.

KH: That’s brilliant!

BA: Yeah?

KH: Yeah! Like, he is letting himself long for Elle, but he doesn’t know how to tell her. He is so close in Take It Like A Man. He’s starting to realise his feelings, but he can’t admit it yet!

BA: And yes, you, his Voice, understand it more than me. Since you embody his thoughts.

Kurt and Blaine give each other a high five. They are a great time. Other Voice actors are also closely working together with their counterparts. Even Kitty and Mercedes have found a middle ground. Still, it’s clear to everyone that he and Blaine are probably the closest.

The two of them hang out all the time.

The two of them have lunch outside the theatre.

The two of them text a lot.

The two of them also visit each other on their days off, even for non-work related things.

The two of them are true friends.

Kurt knew he was going to grow close with the cast, since the collaborative nature of the show practically demands it, but he didn’t know he was going to get an actual best friend out of it. He can’t imagine doing the show without Blaine at his side.

They go over more moments that has a potential. Blaine moves closer, since they use Kurt’s copy of the script. It’s easier to annotate it all in one place.

Kurt writes something down during the iconic and I don’t have to hit on interns, professor line. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see Blaine watching him intently and when Blaine notices, he looks a bit alarmed, but Kurt just smiles.

They’re doing this together.

--

Legally Blonde is a highly anticipated show, so of course there is a lot of press. The cast performs some numbers in the rehearsal space for the press and afterwards they get bombarded by interviews.

Kurt and Blaine are paired together, which was to be expected, so they actually met up the day before to go over possible answers for possible questions.

“So, what is it like to play this character together,” the interviewer asks. The interpreter is stood next to them.

Kurt turns to Blaine to see if he wants to answer first. Blaine notices and raises his hands.

“It’s really fun,” he answers and Kurt can’t help.

SAME, he signs, which in turn makes Blaine smile.

“It is a unique experience and a collaborative project,” Blaine continues, “I have been with this show since the workshopping days, and Kurt is new to our Broadway run, and we both have our own history with the show and our own interpretation. And of course, I had a different Emmett with the previous guy who played his Voice, but it is really cool to learn Kurt’s perspective as well. It’s clashed sometimes, but it’s great to actually be able to have a conversation about Emmett. We both really care for him.”

“Yes,” Kurt cuts in when he realises Blaine’s done, “We’ve jokingly referred to Emmett as our son.” Kurt also signs SON when he says that.

The interviewer laughs at that. Kurt and Blaine do too. Blaine’s laugh is nice to hear. It’s quiet.

“But yes, I’ve had thoughts about Emmett, as a fan of the show. Blaine has had thoughts about him, since he’s been playing Emmett for longer than I have. I was a bit nervous coming in, because I am new, but Blaine and the entire company has been very welcoming.”

“Now of course you’re both making your Broadway debuts!” the interviewer says and Blaine waves his hands as a cheer. Kurt nods. “Although, Kurt, you have some other credits in the city as well.”

This actually surprises Kurt. He didn’t expect the interviewer to know this. It’s a huge cast, so it’s impressive if they did a thorough review of every member and Kurt respects them for it.

“True,” he says, still sounding impressed.

“This is definitely a step away from your usual stuff,” the interviewer continues, “What spurred you to audition for this role? A role like Emmett isn’t something people would think about when thinking about you.”

The interviewer looks genuinely interested, so Kurt doesn’t assume there is a malicious intent on their part, but he’d be lying if he didn’t say that his stomach just dropped a little bit. They didn’t outright say why this role might be ill-fitted for Kurt, but they don’t have to.

Maybe they aren’t even talking about Kurt’s voice, or his sexuality. Maybe they don’t even mean ill-fitted. But that’s what Kurt’s mind latches on to.

Next to Kurt, Blaine moves a little bit closer. He knows that it is a sensitive question. Kurt composes himself and he puts on a hopefully dazzling smile.

“Well, as I said, I am a fan of the original,” Kurt says and he focuses on not sounding nervous, “And I am also a fan of Deaf West’s previous Broadway musical Spring Awakening. So I saw an opportunity to do something I am really invested in and I took it.”

“Besides- I mean, if I may,” Blaine gives Kurt a questioning look and Kurt nods.

GO ON, he signs quickly.

“Besides, our show is all about new ways of showing a well-known story,” Blaine points out, “And the beauty of it is that the creatives did not change a single line in the script or a single lyric. As this guy once said-” Blaine puts one hand on Kurt’s shoulder and uses the other one to point at him for extra emphasis “-we want to challenge our audience.”

“Yes, I don’t want to take away from the work as a company of a whole,” Kurt quickly says, “But I also love the opportunity to show audiences what I can do.”

YES! Blaine signs. He still has the other hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

Luckily, the interviewer then moves to Blaine by asking him about his theatrical background and Kurt feels relieved. He hopes it isn’t super obvious.

Since Blaine is giving bigger answers, he uses both hands to sign and Kurt admits he misses the touch. It was very comforting. Kurt’s a bit lost in his own thoughts, so he admittedly misses some of Blaine’s replies, but when he starts talking about family, Kurt’s interest gets piqued.

“- supportive, but it wasn’t always rosy. It was a bit hard to tell my parents I wanted to study acting,” he lets out a sigh, “They knew that being Deaf would bring obstacles. I’d have to work twice as hard for anything, which is something we allude to in the show, and a creative career is already tough for hearing people. But I am glad I am here. I am glad to prove them wrong.”

The interviewer laughs.

“I understand they wanted what they thought was best for me, but I also wish they had been supportive from the beginning.”

“Are they supportive now?” the interviewer asks.

“Oh, absolutely. So is my brother. He’s also an actor.”

“Your parents must’ve been bewildered to have two acting sons.”

“Definitely. But Cooper is hearing, so it was different for him, or so they thought. It wasn’t until I told them about the Broadway transfer that they started to realise that this is working out. They’ve been supportive enough to at least come to all my other shows, but now they see that it is the real deal. So I also hope that when people see a show filled with a lot of Deaf people, they see it is possible. Spring Awakening and Big River paved the way for a musical like this, and we will keep going.”

“Well, we’re glad you’re here!” the interviewer says.

“Same,” Kurt says and signs.

The interviewer thanks Kurt and Blaine before moving on to more people. The interpreter follows. Kurt and Blaine take a breather. That was a more in-depth interview than they expected.

YOU OKAY? Kurt asks.

I’M FINE, Blaine answers, I NEED A BREAK.

Kurt looks around. There is so much press, so they can’t really afford to leave. This is a huge day for their show. Still, he agrees.

LET’S GO, Kurt signs and he nods towards a door that leads out of the rehearsal space.

WE CAN’T, Blaine looks alarmed.

Kurt doesn’t know how to sign “just for a small minute”, so he signs SECRET, SMALL, FAST and luckily Blaine gets it. The two slip out of the room unnoticed.

Once they’re in a hallway, Kurt leans against the wall and he lets out a deep breath. He knew press was going to be part of it, but he expected that he would be asked very basic questions.

His phone buzzes in his pocket. He looks over to Blaine, who has a phone in his hand.

BA:  So that was a lot, wasn’t it?

Kurt smiles.

KH:  I did not expect to semi-admit to my anxieties like that

BA:  Me neither

KH:  Are you still anxious about your parents? What you said sounds kinda rough

After all, Kurt can’t imagine his dad not being supportive. Yes, his dad has also had doubts and concerns, but he still fought for Kurt. Kurt still gets a warm feeling when he thinks about his dad going to McKinley, demanding that Kurt should be allowed to try out for Defying Gravity. He didn’t understand it, but he knew Kurt wanted it.

By the time Kurt’s out of his thoughts, he sees that Blaine has sent a long answer.

BA: It was, but it could’ve been worse. My parents at least sign. 80% of hearing parents do not sign. They didn’t have this view in their head that Deafness is something that needs to be fixed. My family learnt ASL for me, they let me to go a Deaf school, and they did a lot for me in that regards. Thanks to them I am the confident person I am today and I had a language and a culture and a community. So I suppose I was a bit nervous about this career, because it felt a bit ungrateful. They did so much to help me excel, and then I choose acting? But in the end, what they did is called good parenting, and with good parenting, I shouldn’t feel like I owe it to them to give up on my dreams just because they don’t agree with me.

How are your parents?

I never really asked.

KH: We never really talked about it.

BA: True

KH:  My mom died when I was young, but she always encouraged the creative side. My dad and stepmom as well.

I told you Finn’s my brother, right?

My stepmom is his mom.

Our parents couldn’t be more proud of us.

BA: Sorry to hear about your mom

But glad to hear your stepmom is lovely

KH: Well I am glad to hear it’s all okay with your family now.

BA: Yeah better late than never

The two of them share a small smile. Their moment gets interrupted when the door opens and Lauren, the Deaf actress who plays Enid, pokes her head around the corner. She looks relieved when she finds them.

THERE YOU ARE, she signs.

SORRY, Kurt and Blaine both sign immediately.

WE NEEDED A BREAK, Blaine signs.

Lauren looks at Blaine, then to Kurt, then back to Blaine. A smile forms on her face and she has an amused look on her face. Kurt tries to see if Blaine gets why Lauren is looking at them like that, but Blaine looks slightly confused as well.

Lauren signs something but it’s too advanced for Kurt to keep up, but Blaine notices and quickly texts it to him.

BA: They were looking for us, so we should probably head inside. Someone wants to do an interview with some of the Voice actors and another person wants to interview me, Mercedes, Quinn and Lauren.

OKAY, Kurt signs, I UNDERSTAND.

Together they follow Lauren back inside.

--

Everyone is rehearsing the final number. It’s huge, since every member of the cast is on stage. Kurt and the other Voice actors are on the higher level pedestal in the back and they sing. In front of them, all the others dance and sing as well.

Honestly, it looks pretty cool.

“Oh, and if you could give one second before we all go,” Rachel sings and signs. Then she moves to Blaine who is standing to the side with others. She takes his hand and leads him to the middle before signing and singing: “Emmett Forrest, please make me the happiest woman I know.”

Rachel goes down on one knee, which is Kurt’s cue to sing: “Omi, omi, omigod!”

Everyone else joins in and Blaine and Rachel kiss while the other actors dance, sing and sign around them. Kurt isn’t singing during that part, since obviously Emmett is busy. He always feels a bit weird during this moment. Blaine and Rachel know it’s just a rehearsal, but they’re going all out.

Finn, who stands next to Kurt for this number, looks at him while he sings. Then he looks back to Rachel and Blaine kissing.

Luckily, Rachel and Blaine break apart to resume their parts.

“And now I found my love,” Kurt and Rachel’s voices blend together, “I found my way to love/I finally found my prize!”

Once the song is over, Artie gives some notes and they take a small break. Kurt and Finn walk back to the wings and Finn lets out a laugh.

“It’s still kinda weird,” he says.

“Hm?” Kurt raises an eyebrow.

“Watching my girlfriend kiss another guy,” Finn answers.

“That’s acting,” Kurt shrugs.

Finn gives him a look, as if he waits for Kurt to say more about it. But Kurt just frowns.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing,” Finn says quickly. Too quickly. Then he turns on his heel and awkwardly walks away.

What just happened?

--

The show is finished.

They have their final dress rehearsal, in front of an audience. A free audience. Kurt’s friends are in the audience as well. It’s basically a preview of the upcoming previews.

The actual previews are nerve-wracking. Legally Blonde has ten previews in a row and the first preview is the first show for a paying audience.

The show goes almost flawlessly, in Kurt’s opinion. There were some slight technical problems with the big screen that sometimes shows what’s being said or sung in writing, for example during Whip Into Shape, when the actors need both hands for the jump rope section, or when Elle yells from the supply closet.

But apart from that, it’s going great. Everyone’s amazing and on their marks. No one is flubbing lines. People laugh at the delivery of lines of the hearing cast, which makes Kurt happy. He and Blaine worked very hard on trying to nail the comedic bits, in both English and ASL, and Kurt’s happy to report that the audience laughed at the Hello Kitty part, among other moments.

After the show, the cast and crew is ecstatic. They all want to go out into town. Not for too long, though, since they have nine more shows to go through.

Kurt waits outside for some others when he overhears some audience members talking about the show.

He smiles when he hears the happy comments.

But then…

“I only didn’t really get the right vibe from the guy voicing Emmett, though,” one person says and Kurt tenses up.

Kurt hears the sound of papers being turned.

“His name is Kurt Hummel,” someone else says.

“Does anyone know him?” a third person asks.

Kurt hears disagreeing sounds.

“He can sing nicely,” one of the three says, “But I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling it. If it hadn’t been for the other guy playing Emmet, uh…”

“Blaine Anderson.”

“Yeah, him! If it hadn’t been for him, I don’t know if I would’ve liked the Elle and Emmett storyline as much.”

The stage door opens and Blaine appears with Brittany, the hard of hearing actress who plays Margot. When Brittany sees Kurt, she immediately looks back to Blaine, as if she’s wondering if she should leave Kurt and Blaine alone.

Blaine raises his hands, but Kurt puts a finger to his lips.

Both Blaine and Brittany frown.

PEOPLE ARE TALKING, Kurt signs. He signs close to his body to indicate that he’s practically whispering.

WHAT IS IT? Brittany asks.

Kurt once again puts his finger to his lips and he focuses on the three audience members again. He’s missed some part of the conversation.

“… saying he isn’t talented!” one of them says, “He is. He can clearly sing, but I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it.”

“I think that maybe it’s because I didn’t expect Emmett to sound like that,” the other person says back and Kurt, well… his shoulders slump.

???? Blaine signs with a frown.

WAIT, Kurt signs back.

“Like, not to sound like an ass, but it just didn’t feel like a convincing Emmett,” the third person says in agreement, “Blaine’s back must be hurting from carrying that role.”

The three of them laugh and Kurt purses his lips and he looks down. He listens to the three audience members criticising his work and he knows it’s only three people, but it hurts. It hurts right where it hits the hardest. Kurt hears how they walk away, still talking about the show, and Kurt tries not to cry.

It’s just three people.

But if they already feel this way, then they won’t be the last.

Suddenly there’s a hand on his shoulder and Kurt’s head jerks up. Blaine’s staring at him with a concerned look.

YOU OKAY?

I’M FINE, Kurt signs back.

DON’T LIE, Blaine signs and he sighs. Then he quickly looks back to Brittany and he signs something to her. She nods and she leaves them alone.

I DON’T KNOW THE SIGNS, Kurt admits. He’s gotten so much better at ASL in the past weeks, but this is too advanced and also his mind is all over the place.

T-E-X-T ME, Blaine signs back.

So Kurt takes out his phone and he does. It’s a long read and Blaine also takes his time reading it.

I’M SORRY, he signs when he’s finished, THEY ARE WRONG.

HOW DO YOU KNOW? Kurt signs back in annoyance, signing sharply with quick movements, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. YOU NEVER WILL.

Blaine’s eyes widen and Kurt feels like shit.

BLAINE… Kurt trails off.

But Blaine turns away.

FORGET IT, he signs and he walks off.

“Blaine,” Kurt yells out, proving himself to be even more of an idiot. He realises what he’s doing and instead he runs after him and grabs Blaine by the elbow.

BLAINE, Kurt signs again, DON’T. TELL ME.

Blaine hesitates for a while, but then he holds up his phone.

Kurt nods. By the time he’s opened his message app, he already has a message.

BA: You’re right, Kurt, I don’t understand it fully, because I don’t understand how voices can sound weird when hearing people speak.

But I can understand feeling insecure about a voice.

I don’t speak for a reason and that is fine.

And I can also understand the nerves. Do you think everyone will be open minded about Deaf people in a musical? Maybe it won’t be outright ridicule, but people will think weirdly about it.

Kurt remembers when Spring Awakening hit the Broadway scene. There were indeed some people who couldn’t stop talking about deaf people in a musical, as if it was something weird. And as Blaine said, people didn’t outright think it was a bad idea, but it just confused people and Kurt knows of people who didn’t see it, because the confusion bled over to scepticism.

Deaf people in a musical? How can that even work?

BA: We are here to challenge people, remember?

You said it yourself.

It sucks what they said, but it also shows that they don’t get the show. Legally Blonde in itself is about challenging people’s views. Elle proved people wrong. We will prove people wrong.

YOU’RE RIGHT, Kurt signs, SORRY.

I’M NOT MAD, Blaine signs and Kurt raises an eyebrow and Blaine relents, MAYBE A LITTLE.

Kurt now sends a message.

KH:  I didn’t want to imply that you don’t know what it’s like to be judged

BA: I know

KH: I’m just really upset

BA: And you can be. But tomorrow is a new show. A new chance.

Kurt wants to reply when another message pops up. It’s in the groupschat of the cast and crew and it’s Marley, who voices Margot, asking who’s coming along for some drinks. Both Kurt and Blaine see it.

But Kurt sends back that he’s tired.

He was going to go out, but now he’s just too upset.

He switches back to the conversation with Blaine and writes:

KH: You should get going, the others are waiting

BA: Yeah

KH: But I will see you tomorrow.

BA: See you tomorrow.

Kurt looks up from his screen and he gives Blaine a small smile. Blaine steps forwards, but then he changes his mind on whatever he was considering. Instead, he steps back and waves and they part ways.

--

There were three people giving Kurt shit.

And then two more after the next preview.

And then a whole group of people after the third.

By the time the fourth preview has happened, he’s losing it. Kurt can’t go outside anymore in the fear of overhearing more people talk shit.

Kurt’s sitting in the dressing room with his head in his hand. The fifth preview is about to start in an hour. Will and Finn are doing vocal warm-up. Dustin and Blaine obviously don’t care, but Kurt does. Does he have to hear them sing so well?

And yes, Kurt can also sing well.

Or… maybe he can’t. He did get a note from the Artie on his singing. He wasn’t doing great during the fourth preview, since the nerves just overtook him. He missed a line as well. Fuck. When he got home with Finn and Rachel, they already asked him if he needed anything or what they could do. But what can he do? He will only mess up more.

He wants to call his dad, but his dad keeps talking about how excited he is to be there at opening night and Kurt doesn’t want to let him down.

Oh no.

This is going to go downhill from here.

He will be nervous and the nerves will make him mess up, which will lead to more shit comments, which in turn will make him more nervous, and then he will mess up even more-

There’s a hand on his shoulder, pulling him out of his panic spiral, grounding him back to reality.

Blaine sits down next to him.

It’s silent, so Kurt looks around and he realises that the others have left them alone. His phone lights up.

BA: I asked the others to leave.

THANKS, Kurt signs.

WHAT IS WRONG? Blaine asks.

Kurt holds up his phone to indicate that he’s going to type.

KH: I can’t go on

BA: Why?

KH: I can’t do it. I am not fit for this.

BA: Everyone has pre-show jitters.

Kurt shakes his head. This is different from pre-show jitters. He’s had pre-show jitters before, but he’s never felt like this. He is Kurt Hummel. He usually has the confidence to overcome things like this. He’s usually not this beat down.

Well, Kurt supposes that every creative person has a breaking point. Unfortunately for him, his is during his first Broadway run.

Kurt texts all of this. He also tells Blaine about how the criticism is hitting and about how it’s been happening after every show.

KH: I can’t go on. I want to quit. I’ve never wanted to quit before, Blaine. Do you think I can quit?

NO, Blaine signs quickly, sharply and he uses a lot of space to do so.

But Kurt lets out a teary sigh.

KH: I can’t do this, Blaine. I might have to talk to the director. If this keeps happening, then it’s clear that this isn’t the place for me. Maybe it’s the best that I leave before the opening, so that Roderick has time to step in.

Swings and understudies usually don’t start rehearsal until after previews, but if Kurt quits, then Roderick will get promoted. And he has a gorgeous voice. Maybe this is meant to me. Maybe this was never Kurt’s role.

BA: Whatever you’re thinking, stop

Kurt looks from his screen. Blaine looks at him with an intense look on his face. He’s silently pleading. Kurt shakes his head and shakingly writes

KH: What do I have to offer? If I can’t do my work properly, it’ll make it worse for everyone. Why should I stay?

Kurt waits for Blaine to answer, but he doesn’t. He sighs and gets up to leave. He must look for Artie. But when Kurt leaves, Blaine stops him.

Blaine starts signing something and Kurt doesn’t get it, but it looks familiar.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND, he signs sadly.

Blaine’s face falls.

Normally, Kurt would sit down and try to understand, but he is in a hurry now. The show is about to start.

I MUST GO, Kurt then signs and leaves. Blaine doesn’t stop him.

--

A Broadway theatre is huge, so it takes some time until Kurt finds Artie. He’s asked everyone he’s passed and it turns out that he is on stage. Kurt’s behind the curtain and he walks to the wings when he hears his name.

“Kurt is not doing so great,” Artie says.

Kurt stops in his tracks.

“Do you know what to do?” Mike, the choreographer, asks.

“I don’t know. How can we support him?” Artie asks the others, “He’s clearly struggling with something, which is a shame. His roommates have already asked me for help.”

“But what could be bothering him?” someone says through an interpreter. Kurt can’t peek through the curtains, so he doesn’t know who else is there.

“I don’t know,” Artie says, “We need to see if he’s open to talking about it. It’s a shame.”

“He was doing well up until previews,” Mike notes and Kurt nods. Mike is right. That feels like ages ago.

“What’s changed? He did a stellar job and the audience loved him!” the interpreter says. Kurt tries not to snort, because he knows it’ll lead to tears.

“I don’t know,” Artie says again, “Shelby, do you think we can ask Blaine? He and Kurt work together the most, they’re perfect together. Maybe Blaine knows.”

Shelby is one of the ASL masters for the show. Blaine likes her.

“And go behind Kurt’s back?” Shelby sounds a bit affronted.

“I agree with Shelby,” Mike says, “We should first talk to Kurt. What can it be? He’s doing great and the audience indeed seems to like him.”

Kurt frowns. First Shelby, now Mike?

“Yes, yes, I too have heard all the praise,” Artie says, “I particularly liked the comment of one audience member who loved how he sings the end of Chip On My Shoulder. He and Blaine really care for that number.”

“I overheard some people saying that he is a breakout star of the show,” Mike says.

“Yes, and some of my friends said that he is great too,” Shelby adds, “Even when they cannot hear him, his subtle stage acting is wonderful and people appreciate it.”

Kurt’s still standing behind the thick curtain and he listens to how Artie, Mike and Shelby talk about his great work.

Is this… true?

Well, why would they lie? They don’t know he’s here.

Kurt turns around.

Maybe Roderick will have to wait a bit longer until he makes his Broadway debut. Kurt is still not fully convinced. It feels like a huge relief to hear that there are people who like him, but he also knows that people do not like him. He can’t say all of his doubt has disappeared as snow before the sun, but if people think he is doing great work then the least he can do is try to keep it up. And that’s not what’s happening right now.

Artie said it. He did great, but he got worse.

Kurt goes back to the dressing room to only find Dustin there. Blaine is gone. Well, they will see each other on stage. One more preview cannot hurt, right?

--

Emmett isn’t on stage for the first twenty minutes or so. Usually, Kurt and Blaine watch the show together from the dressing room while getting ready. Every dressing room with a Deaf or hard of hearing member has a nice TV with a view of the stage and with text on the screen.

Kurt watches how everyone acts their hearts out.

He needs to do the same. He cannot let this cast down. Yes, he’s struggling, but he doesn’t want to drag everyone down. He doesn’t want to drag Blaine down. If this show still goes horribly wrong, then he’ll talk to Artie about what to do.

On screen, Rachel does her big dance number at Harvard. It’s almost time to go on. Kurt checks his hair and make-up one last time before going down to the wings.

Blaine is waiting there.

He gives Kurt a quick nod. Kurt feels like he has to say something, but before he knows it, they’re cued to go on stage.

The entire show goes well. Blaine is a wonderful actor and Kurt’s happy to shadow him. They get laughs at their comedic bits.

“So I’ll give you ladies a moment then!” Kurt says and Blaine signs it. The audience laughs and they only laugh more when Blaine turns to him and they act that Emmett and his Voice cannot get out here soon enough, with Blaine shooing Kurt to the side.

The get more laughs at the Hello Kitty line and afterwards Kurt tells Blaine people liked it.

GREAT, he signs.

Honestly, it’s going great. Kurt’s turned off his thoughts and he tries to focus on the show. He does flub a line, but he quickly recovers and improvises. Luckily, Rachel can hear it so she waits a few more seconds before she does her line.

The second act has a lot more Emmett and Elle, but there is one moment where they can take a break. Emmett isn’t on stage during the big Elle and professor Callahan scene. It’s a nice break, because the song Legally Blonde comes next, which is a big emotional one, so Kurt and Blaine need to get into the mindset.

Rachel starts the song and does her blocking. The prop door slides to the centre of the stage and Kurt and Blaine follow along. Once it’s ready, they lean against it and Rachel walks up to them.

“There she is, intern of the year!” Kurt says. Blaine also looks radiant while signing it to Rachel.

“Thanks for your help and for all you’ve done,” Rachel sings and signs while she walks to Blaine. Kurt steps to the side, so that the focus shifts on Rachel and Blaine. “Thank you for treating me decently.”

“What’s wrong?” Kurt asks.

“Maybe someday you can visit me/Give me a call/Say hello.”

Rachel reaches for the doorknob but Blaine puts his hand on it and uses one hand to sign.

“Wait/Where are you going?” Kurt sings.

“Sorry I’m letting down everyone,” Rachel walks away and Kurt and Blaine trail behind her.

“What brought on this?”

“You did your best with a hopeless case.”

“That’s ludicrous!”

“You were the best thing about this place!” Kurt and Rachel sing together.

“Elle you should know-”

“Callahan hit on me!” Rachel says and signs.

“He what?” Kurt always makes sure to sounds super affronted here.

“He kissed me, then he fired me, and he made it very clear I don’t belong here,” Rachel turns away from Blaine to walk to the door.

Blaine grabs her arm to make him look at her.

HE’S WRONG, Blaine signs angrily. Kurt was so caught up in Blaine’s small acting that he forgot the first part.

“Hey, we’ll fix it!” Kurt joins in, sounding angry and upset, “We’ll fight it.” He stands on the other side of Rachel.

“Emmett, please,” Rachel sounds teary and she touches Blaine’s cheek, “There’s no reason for me to stay.”

Then she goes through the prop door and it’s time for Emmett’s big love declaration. Blaine moves away from the door so that he can turn to the audience, so that his signs are clear to see. Kurt stays at the door and he knows that he needs to turn towards it, to Rachel as Elle, but when he starts to sing, he realises something.

“What about love?” Kurt signs and he slowly looks to Blaine instead, who has his back turned to him, “I never mentioned love/The timing’s bad, I know.”

And Kurt cannot see Blaine’s signs, but he knows what he’s signing. Kurt remembers.

This is what Blaine was signing to him in the dressing room. Back then it didn’t click, since Kurt as a Voice actor, doesn’t know the ASL gloss of the script by heart. But now he remember this part.

“But perhaps if I’d made it more clear,” Kurt continues to sing as he keeps looking at Blaine, “That you belong right here/You wouldn’t have to go/Cause you’d know that I am so much in love-”

“Back to the sun/Back to the shore!” Rachel’s voice joins from the other side of the door while Kurt’s doing his long note, “Back to what I was before.”

Blaine quickly moves back to the door for the next line.

“Please, will you open the door!” Kurt sings while Blaine is so close to him, he almost bumps into Kurt.

“Lie on the beach/Dream within reach/Don’t stray beyond!”

“We both know you’re worth so much more!” Kurt sings. Blaine was signing this to him earlier.

“Some girls fight hard/Some face the trail/Some girls were just meant to smile.”

“If you can hear/Can I just say/How much I want you to stay,” Kurt sings and since his eyes are still on Blaine, he sees that Blaine quickly looks at Kurt out of the corner of his eyes. It almost throws Kurt off.

“It’s not up to me/Just let me be/Legally Blonde.”

“I need you to stay!” Kurt sings and again, Blaine shoots him a look. Does he realise that Kurt’s seeing him?

Rachel finishes the song.

“It’s not up to me/Just let me be/Legally Blonde.”

The lights go down and the applause is massive. The door gets slid off stage and Kurt, Blaine and Rachel leave.

WE DID IT, Rachel dries her tears.

PAH! Blaine signs too.

Kurt wants to say more, but his mind is a mess. He can’t stop looking at Blaine.

When Blaine and Rachel realise Kurt isn’t going to say much, they leave together to discuss the song a bit more. Blaine does look over his shoulder, back to Kurt, but Kurt just nods. What else can he do?

Did Blaine confess his love to Kurt in the dressing room?

Since there is another big break for Kurt and Blaine, he has the time to think about it. Emmett will be back for the finale, so Kurt goes back to the dressing room. Only Will is here, which makes sense since Callahan will also be absent until the finale, but where is Blaine?

“Have you seen Blaine?” he asks Will.

“No, sorry,” Will answers, “Aren’t you the one who’s with Blaine all the time?”

“Usually, yes.”

Kurt scours the theatre but to no avail. By the time he’s seen everything, it’s almost time for him to go back to stage. Of course that means Blaine has to be on stage as well. Blaine arrives behind the prop doors of the court room. Rachel has just gone in.

WHERE WERE YOU? Kurt asks, I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.

OUTSIDE, Blaine answers, I NEEDED A BREAK.

A BREAK?

But then Kurt hears Will’s line and he signs to Blaine that it’s time to go on. They’ll hopefully talk later.

--

Blaine and Rachel kiss on stage. All the others dance around them. Kurt and the other Voice actors watch from their pedestal.

It is awkward to see. It was always awkward to see. Blaine and Rachel are really going for it.

Kurt remembers what Finn had said about watching the kiss. It made him weirdly jealous. Is Kurt feeling the same? He’s so deep in thoughts that Finn has to poke him.

“And now I found my love!” he sings quickly. Right on time, thanks to his brother.

“My god!”

“I found my way to love!”

“You guys!”

“I finally found my prize!”

And Blaine and Rachel kiss again and Kurt feels uneasy.

--

After the bows, Kurt immediately wants to talk to Blaine, but Artie wheels to him.

“Kurt, a word?”

“I-” Kurt looks around and his eyes find Blaine. Blaine’s staring back.

Artie coughs.

“Kurt, please.”

“Right,” Kurt turns back to Artie. Hopefully Blaine doesn’t think that Kurt is the one initiating. He’s not going to tell Artie he’s quitting.

Kurt follows Artie to a more private place. Mike, Shelby and an interpreter are waiting inside. They tell him everything that has been discussed earlier, but obviously they do not know that Kurt has overheard them.

“So yes,” Artie concludes, “What can we do to help? Do you need resources? Maybe we can hire someone to talk to-”

Kurt holds up his hands. He appreciates it, he really does, especially since he knows that Broadway is still brutal, but his mind is elsewhere. The longer he stays here, the longer he has to wait before he can find Blaine.

“Guys, thank you,” Kurt says genuinely, “It is true that I am struggling and that is impacting my performance, but today something happened that has lifted my spirits and I want to see where it’s heading now.”

“Good to hear that,” Mike says, sounding relieved.

“But you will come to us if things are going downhill again, right?” Shelby asks.

TRUE BIZ! Kurt signs, which makes Shelby smile.

“… Can I go?” Kurt asks awkwardly and the moment Artie nods, he turns on his heel and bolts towards the dressing room.

“Woah there,” Sebastian says when Kurt basically runs into him.

“Have you seen Blaine?” Kurt asks.

“He just left,” Sebastian answered, “He and Dustin said something about the Deaf cast going somewhere specific? His signing was a bit too fast…”

“Oh.”

That’s too bad, then. And maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe Kurt shouldn’t rush into whatever he was rushing into. He says his goodbyes to Sebastian and he declines Rachel’s invitation to go somewhere with some cast members. He goes home and he needs a good night of rest, since today was a lot.

Once he’s draped on his couch, everything’s falling into place in his head.

Blaine…

Blaine loves him?

Not only that, but does Kurt love him back?

Because Kurt thinks he does. He’s loved Blaine for a while, and he just didn’t realise, but now that he’s had this epiphany, it’s all crashing down. They became friends through their work. They help each other out. That’s how it started, but it became something more. They started to like each other as a person and they hung out more, even outside of work.

Fuck.

Just like Elle and Emmett.

Kurt laughs at that.

He wonders if others know. He remembers the look on Lauren’s face when she found the two of them outside, alone. Brittany looked intrigued as well that day. And of course Finn mentioned that it’s weird to watch Blaine and Rachel kiss because he’s in love with Rachel. It’s also weird for Kurt.

He’s not in love with Rachel. Far from it. He’s in love with Blaine!

A surprised, but happy laugh escapes his throat. He’s in love with Blaine and it honestly feels great. Now Kurt understands why he always felt warm and fuzzy around him. Now Kurt gets why he always wanted to go to the theatre early to see him.

Fuck.

What now?

Kurt is still Kurt, so his planning mode overtakes his brain. He needs to do something. He wants to do something. He grabs his phone and looks up the nearest flower shop.

--

The next day, Kurt’s running a bit late. It’s because he had to make a detour. Finn and Rachel left without him.

“Where are you going?” Rachel had asked at breakfast.

“I need to arrange something,” Kurt had answered, “See you two at work!”

Now, he’s climbing up the stairs to his dressing room with a small bouquet of roses in his hands. He passes other cast and crew members who gawk at him. Some look confused. Others look surprised. But some also give Kurt a knowing smile.

“Get your man!” Madison, who plays Pilar, hoots when he passes the one of the girls’ main dressing room. This leads to others cheering and hooting as well.

Kurt’s beet red by the time he’s at his own dressing room.

Of course, Blaine (and Dustin) did not hear the commotion, but Sebastian, Will and Finn did and when they see Kurt standing in the door opening with the bouquet, they can put the puzzle pieces together.

Will taps Blaine’s shoulder, so that he turns around, and when he does his entire face morphs into a look of surprise. And hope. There’s a bit of hope there.

WE MUST GO, Dustin signs and all the other guys quickly agree.

“Finally,” Sebastian mutters when he passes Kurt. Finn also gives him a tap on the back. Dustin and Will smile and Dustin signs something really quickly to Blaine. Kurt can’t really see it, but Blaine barks out a laugh.

Dustin closes the door behind him.

THIS IS FOR YOU, Kurt holds out the bouquet with one hand and he uses the others so sign.

THANK YOU, Blaine signs with a smile. He accepts it but then puts the flowers on the table so he can sign. I LOVE THEM.

Kurt has so much he can say. The thoughts are still swirling in his head, but he doesn’t know the signs and he doesn’t want to text, so he signs the one thing he knows for sure. The one thing that matters.

I LOVE YOU.

Blaine’s smile widens.

I LOVE YOU TOO, Blaine signs back and Kurt’s pretty sure he has a matching smile on his face.

WHEN WE MET, I LIKED YOU, Kurt signs slowly, AND THEN I FELL IN LOVE. YESTERDAY, I UNDERSTOOD. HERE WE ARE.

It’s not the most eloquent and romantic speech, but it’s all he can do and judging by the smitten look on Blaine’s face, the point has still come across.

CAN I KISS YOU? Blaine asks and Kurt’s nodding before Blaine’s even finished the sentence.

Yes, yes he can. Why aren’t they kissing yet? Kurt puts his hands on Blaine’s face and he kisses him. Blaine kisses back. It’s wonderful. It’s only the first kiss and Kurt already can’t get enough of it. Blaine puts his hands over Kurt’s and he deepens the kiss.

Kurt can’t believe he didn’t realise that this was right in front of him, but better late than never.

--

The applause is enormous, even when half of the audience isn’t making noise. Kurt watches from the wings how everyone takes their first Broadway bow. The ensemble moves aside for all the other characters.

Emmett is the second to last, so once April has moved aside, Kurt and Blaine run on stage. Blaine was on the other side of the theatre but they meet in the middle. Blaine holds out his hand and Kurt takes it. Together they run to the front of the stage to take their bows.

It’s opening night.

They’re making their Broadway debut.

Rachel takes her bow and then the entire company comes on stage, including swings and understudies and crew members, so that they can take their last bow of the evening.

Once all of that is done, they run off stage and the energy is off the charts. People are yelling, in English and ASL. People are weeping. It’s a commotion, but a good one. Everyone runs back to the dressing rooms in order to get changed into their opening night outfits.

Blaine looks absolutely stunning in a navy check patterned suit. Kurt ties the matching pink bowtie around Blaine’s neck and when he’s done, he gives Blaine a small kiss.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, he signs, MY BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND.

YOU ARE MY BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND, Blaine signs back.

Kurt is wearing a fancy suit jacket with flowers on top of a pair of black slacks. The jacket is dark pink, which felt appropriate since this is Legally Blonde. Everyone wears at least a little bit pink.

Someone coughs.

Kurt looks at the direction of the sound and Blaine follows.

“You guys done flirting?” Finn says and he tries to sign along, “We have an opening night to attend!”

YOU AND RACHEL FLIRT ALL THE TIME, Blaine retorts.

COME ON, Kurt signs.

Once they’re in the lobby of the theatre, Kurt and Finn are immediately approached by their parents. They flew out to be here, since they wouldn’t miss it for the world.

“Oh, dad, this is…” Kurt reaches for Blaine, “This is Blaine.”

BLAINE, Burt signs, NICE TO MEET YOU. KURT TALK A LOT.

ABOUT YOU! Kurt adds.

WHERE YOUR PARENTS? Carole asks.

They’re here somewhere. Blaine was already looking for them before Kurt and Finn’s parents basically jumped on them.

Blaine excuses himself so that he can see his family and he kisses Kurt’s cheek before leaving. Carole swoons.

“Oh, shut it,” Kurt says and he feels red in the face. He’s not a teen anymore, yet he still feels like that when he’s being kissed in front of his parents.

“I’m happy for you, kid,” Burt says. He indeed sounds happy. “You were great on stage and Blaine seems lovely.”

Kurt is happy. He has a boyfriend and he’s part of a show he’s proud of. He’s still anxious for the upcoming reviews, but his cast and crew has his back, and he also tries to listen for positive feedback instead of focusing on the negative.

Kurt chats with his family for a bit longer until he’s called for press with Blaine. He and Blaine give a lot of small interviews about how they feel and what they achieved and if some of the interviewers notice how close they are, then they don’t comment on it.

After that, Blaine also introduces him to his family. Blaine signs differently when he’s with his family. He’s looser. Faster. He also signs with this when he’s just with the Deaf cast. Kurt can’t really follow it, but Blaine’s family is happy to help, especially Blaine’s loud brother Cooper.

Kurt’s working hard on learning more sign, so that communication will be easier, and Blaine’s mom also compliments him on the signing.

“Thanks, I’m still learning,” Kurt says and signs. His signing also becomes more English when he speaks at the same time.

“Well, not everyone does, so I am happy that Blaine has met you,” she says and signs back.

“Yeah, we’re really proud of Blaine,” Blaine’s dad says and signs and next to Kurt, Blaine beams.

“We didn’t fully understand it in the beginning, but it’s clear that you love what you’re doing,” Blaine’s mom signs to Blaine, but she speaks for Kurt, “And you’re doing a great job. The audience loves you as much as we do.”

Blaine looks like he’s about to cry from joy. Kurt steps away so that the Andersons can hug each other.

Kurt’s parents find them and both families meet each other and it feels right. Everyone hits it off right away. Kurt and Blaine have only been together for a few days, but it’s so good.

After all the serious stuff, it’s time to head to the afterparty. The parents went back to the hotels and Kurt and Blaine don’t mind since there’s a lot of partying, dancing and kissing and they end up going to Blaine’s place around 2am. They have to be in good shape for the next show, so they can’t get hammered.

If they thought being friends was great, then this is the next step. It is so much better than before.

–   

End notes: And that’s a wrap. I really hope you liked it, Terra. When I saw the prompt, my mind immediately latched on Legally Blonde. I got the idea from Amelia Hensley, the actress who played Thea in Deaf West’s Spring Awakening. The Deaf and HoH cast was asked in the Vlog of Purple Summer which show they’d like to see in ASL and she answered this one and I agree. I was so happy to hear that Legally Blonde is also one of your favourite shows.

I watched a lot of extra stuff for this fic (like the aforementioned Vlog) and I made a post here with links and some extra comments on how it impacted the fic. If you liked this and want to know more about ASL and ASL Theatre, you can find some information there.

Thank you all for reading!

[nicsnort]

Gravita Anima (part 9)

Nightcrawler/Fem!OC/Quicksilver Long-form romance and drama fic. All chapters are posted to Ao3.

Intro (with link to full Ao3 story) First Previous

In Lucy’s mind, there was nothing. It was gray with shades of white and darker gray swirling around. In the midst of it sat a still version of Lucy. She sat on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chin, her long blonde hair draped around her, and her gaze blank. 

When she sensed Xavier, her eyes lit up and flickered towards him. She blinked. She seemed to be processing that there was a person with her.

Xavier looked around at the area they were in. It was very blank. Very drained. He saw the woman on the ground. She had noticed him, that was a good sign. “Miss Ansell, my name is Charles Xavier. I am here to help you.”

The mind-Lucy stared at him without speaking. She seemed almost distracted. Her eyes glazed over for a moment before she blinked, and they came back to life. The light was momentary as fire and emotion filled them. She seemed to recognize finally that something was off and that ‘something’ was the man’s existence. 

Her expression shifted to one of annoyance and irritation. She raised her hand and swiped at him -- the delay lasted just a second before black, pure black, shot from one of the darker gray areas and wrapped itself around Xavier’s body. The material wrapped itself around him like liquid but felt like velvet. In it, he could see a variety of frightening images -- a man coming at him with a knife, a body of a girl crawling towards him broken and beaten, spiders, and the like. General frightening images, but all that seemed fairly realistic. 

One word filled the air. “Leave.”

Whatever Xavier had been expecting was not what happened. He had seen frightening images in people’s minds, their memories before, but to force them into his own mind while he was in another’s was disconcerting. While he knew the tendrils of ooze were not real his body still reacted as though he was in a living nightmare. Xavier pulled out of her mind with a short cry of fear.

Around Xavier, the group jumped slightly at his cry. “Professor! Charles!” Jean and Hank said quickly, checking on the older man. His face was white and his hands shaking slightly.

Elle reacted as well, without thinking she reached out with comfort and calm to drive away the fear that he was obviously experiencing.

Kurt watched as the Professor regained some of his color and his hands became steady once more. His shoulders lowered and he was no longer trembling, nor did he have an uneasy gaze or look about him. 

Before he could speak, the Professor’s gaze landed softly on Elle. His voice sounded at ease and soothed. “Thank you for that, Ms. Hughs. What a pleasant power you have.”

Kurt blinked. His tension turned into confusion. A pleasant power? He blinked and turned his yellow gaze onto his guest, as did the others. Lucy was momentarily forgotten. “...You’re a mutant?!” Kurt called out in surprise.

Embarrassment flooded Elle’s cheeks. Kurt’s surprised exclamation just made it worse. “Sorry,” she muttered, unable to say much else. She was staring in half-horror at the floor. She had just used her powers on the leader of the X-men and he could tell! Oh god! What if the others realized she used her powers on them?!

“Do not apologize.” Xavier sounded like his normal self: calm, welcoming, assured. “You are in a safe environment here, Ms. Hughs.”

“But...what are your powers?” Kurt asked in earnest. He was still processing this information and feeling a bit foolish for not knowing this somehow.

“She is able to influence anothers’ emotional state...a gift that...came in handy today.” He gave the blonde woman a curious look on the bed before looking back at their other guest. “Is that correct?”

Elle could tell he had done this many times before. For once someone helped her calm down. Right, this was a safe place. An oasis. A school for mutants. These were the X-men. Taking a deep breath, she steadied her own emotions. “That’s right,” she was able to say in a normal voice. “Emotions and perceptions...it is useful for keeping people calm, and stopping fights…”

Kurt smiled wide. Perhaps in his excitement, he didn’t think she might feel uneasy. After all, her power was hidden, so why be embarrassed? “That is amazing!” He remarked. And it was. To soothe people in their times of need, it was such a responsibility but a rewarding one. 

“Marvelous, a literal empath,” Hank said with a smile. He, Jean, and Xavier could easily tell she was still a bit uncomfortable.

Elle used the moment to draw focus away from herself, however. “You were frightened. Lucy’s powers have to do with dreams and nightmares. She feeds off them, as she puts it. Perhaps this is something related to that.”

Xavier nodded once. “Yes,” he laced his fingers together as he looked thoughtful, “that would make sense as to what I saw in her mind. I am not sure what she needs, Hank, but perhaps rest may be the solution.” There was uncertainty in his voice though.

“From everything that we gathered, Charles, I concur. Bed rest just might be what she needs,” Hank replied checking a few settings on the medical equipment. “I was planning on staying down here for a while doing some research I had to set aside for my meetings. I will keep an eye on her.”

“Thank you all for taking care of her. Especially you, Dr. McCoy, I know she will be very embarrassed when she wakes up seeing how you first met,” Elle replied, the red in her face mostly gone. Kurt’s excitement at her mutation kept it there just a bit. An X-man thought her power was amazing!

“It sounds as though everyone has had an eventful day. I believe the students will have begun to gather in the kitchen. Ms. Hughs, I trust Kurt will escort you to dinner and then Jean will have a room ready for you if that is acceptable.” Xavier said with a small smile. He began to move his chair towards the door. “I believe it is Spyke and his group’s turn to do dishes tonight...which means Flick and her group will outdo themselves with a variety of dishes to pick from.” 

Kurt nodded. “Of course, Professor.” He glanced at Hank. “Want me to bring you a plate, Hank?”

“Thank you, Kurt, that would be most appreciated,” Hank told Kurt half-distractedly. His mind was already a buzz organizing the work he needed to do. “Perhaps, I should start with the genetic sequencing…”

Elle hadn’t realized that it was expected that she would stay the night. She supposed it would be okay. There wasn’t anyone waiting for her at home and she was off work tomorrow as well. “That sounds lovely. Thank you for the hospitality.”

Kurt walked with Elle down the hall, following Jean and the Professor, and seemed to be thinking. It was only when they got out of the elevator with the others did he speak. “Your powers must assist at the protests.” He finally both stated and asked Elle. “Is that why you are an activist?” From not too far off, voices could be heard.

A little bit of red returned to her cheeks at Kurt’s question but she was able to answer without hesitation. “Yes and no. It is why I run along the front lines, stopping conflicts from escalating during protests. But I like to think I would be an activist even if I didn’t have these powers. It is the best way I can help after all.”

They all left the elevator and made their way toward the dining room. On the air wafted the scent of cooking food. 

Jean and the Professor had given the pair their privacy. Not that they would have much of it once they entered the dining hall, or peace either. Kurt’s yellow eyes landed on Elle, and he smiled. “Of course, you would be.” It was sincere. She would absolutely be fighting for equal rights if she weren’t one of them, either. “You are kind like that.”

“Thank you,” Elle replied to his compliment, her cheeks deepening just a bit in their red. Oh, dear. She had it bad. Elle really had to be careful from here on out.

_______

Next

[chocoholicannanymous]

Evil Author Day #3

February 15th is Evil Author Day - you can read more about it on Jilly James’ site, but in short it’s about posting titles or descriptions or parts of stuff that’s not actually ready for posting, the evil part being that there are no promises what so ever that there will be more.

What I’m posting under the EAD-tag either isn’t finished and might never be, or it could be considered finished only I’m not happy with it.

Either way: Enjoy. Or not.

Follows Doesn't Hurt At All, A Little Hurt (Goes A Long Way) and (It Hurts) To Have To Be This Honest With The One You Love.

Posting this one under the EAD-tag as I have never been able to be satisfied with it.

AN: Timelinewise, Kurt goes to London during the first week of April, Adam returns to England first week (or so) of June, and Kurt sends the first email to Adam beginning of August. This takes place about two weeks or so later.

Love Hurts (When You Do it Right)

Part 4 of Doesn't Hurt At All

Kurt picked up his book, read two paragraphs, then put it down again with a sigh. He'd been repeating that process now for close to twenty minutes. He'd also shredded two napkins, rearranged everything on the small table, and finished half a lemonade.

Being early for this meet-up had probably not been one of his brightest ideas.

Then again, it was possible that the meet-up itself wasn't that bright of an idea.

Kurt swallowed, looked at the time, and considered – for at least the tenth time – if it might not be best to cancel. Just...walk away, send Adam an email about being detained, and then never approach the subject again. He could do that, right? After all, it wasn't as if Adam even knew that Kurt was staying in London for the time being – he'd assumed Kurt was on vacation. (Which, admittedly, had been exactly what Kurt had been aiming at. He'd wanted to reduce the pressure on Adam. Maybe he had, but the pressure on himself? Very much present, and very much too much.)

Four minutes until he was supposed to meet Adam for the first time in nearly six months – for the first time since spooking, and refusing to be in a committed relationship. And see how well that worked, with the running back to Blaine and the getting engaged... Kurt ignored the snide inner voice. He'd messed up, and he'd done so repeatedly, and horribly. To leave now would be another mistake, and that's why he was going to stay, no matter how many butterflies seemed to have taken up residence in his stomach.

The seconds ticked by slowly, and a minute past their agreed upon time Kurt's stomach sank. No Adam. Adam, who never was late. Kurt blinked to avoid the tears that wanted to well up, and gave himself a stern talking to. First of all, he didn't really have any reason to be upset – he'd placed himself, and Adam, in this position on his own – and second, well, public transportation could be tricky. Maybe Adam was simply stuck on the Tube?

Either way, he would wait. He'd finish his lemonade, to begin with, and then reassess.

Twenty-four minutes past the hour saw Kurt out of both lemonade and hope. It didn't look like Adam was showing. Still. He'd give it until half past, and then... Then he'd go back to the apartment and cry into a pint of ice cream or something.

(A Long Island Ice Tea or five sounded tempting, but Kurt had learned by now that alcohol acted as a depressant and thus did not make him feel any better. Quite the opposite. Plus, if he drank when already down... Well. “Stupid” was a kind description of his behavior then.)

“Kurt?”

Oh! Kurt looked up, and was met with Adam's kind face. Looks like maybe I won't need that ice cream. At least not quite yet, he amended after taking a second look – it was obvious from the other man's body language that he wasn't entirely comfortable, or happy, with the situation, and it was as if he'd tried to close the shutters of his usually expressive eyes. Maybe I should make that two pints.

Kurt tried to keep his trepidation from being noticed though, choosing to nod and send a small smile the Brit's way.

“Adam. I'm happy to see you.”

And he really was. No matter the outcome of their meeting, Kurt would be happy – and grateful – that he'd gotten to see the other man again. He wanted to know that Adam was fine, that he'd gotten on with his life even after Kurt had screwed things up. In the end, that knowledge meant even more to Kurt than the possibility of losing some of the guilt he carried over his cowardly actions and the end of their relationship.

“Kurt.” There was a standoffish quality to Adam that Kurt had never seen before, not even when mocked by other students, and his heart ached knowing that he deserved it. “I have to say I was surprised to hear from you, and even more so when you asked to meet up. To be quite honest, up until just now I wasn't sure if I should go through with it.”

The confirmation of his suspicions shouldn't hurt so much, but yet it did. It wasn't anything he hadn't expected, or earned for that matter, but the words still made his heart sink even further in his chest.

“Well, while I understand that – and I really do – I'm happy you came. I know I could have tried to apologize through email, but it didn't feel right. I wanted – no, I needed to actually talk to you. And if you never want to see me again, I'll understand. I'm not going to lie, I want us to stay in touch, I really do, but I am going to respect your wishes here.”

It would be hard, yes, but somehow Kurt suspected all things worthwhile were. Also, considering he'd complained about others not being willing to respect his wishes, well. “Do unto others” and all that, right? Treating others the same way he himself wanted to be treated was a good way to live, Kurt knew, and it was time he did. Adam was a really good place to start.

“Not to be rude, but why should we? I was willing to try that, you know, when you got back with your ex, only I couldn't even get you to look at me. I have absolutely no desire to be someone for you to use when trying put yourself back together again. Once was enough. Actually, no – once was one time too many, but. I'm sure you get my point?”

Yeah, he got it. He got it straight into his bruised and battered heart, alright. But. As much as it hurt, Kurt felt he deserved it – and more, considering how he himself had hurt Adam. Still...

“I do. And you're absolutely right, it shouldn't have happened even once, regardless of how it was never my intention. I never meant to use you, never. I do understand how it looks though, I really do.

“And I don't expect you to be there for me again – I don't expect anything from you. I would love it if we could be friends, or even just friendly, but also know exactly how badly I screwed up. So, as I said, if you never want to talk to me again after today, I promise you that I will respect that. If that's what you want, I will do everything in my power to make sure you never have to see me again.”

And he would, no matter how little he wanted to. Because Adam deserved so much, the least of which was respect. Kurt had failed him too many times when it came to that. He refused to do so again.

“I just... I owe you, Adam. So, so much, for all you gave me. And if you want me to repay that by leaving you alone, then I will. But don't you want closure? To be able to let all that crap go? Because I do. I'm trying to get over it, and heal, but honestly? The past has a way of dragging me down, and I would love to be able to cut that loose, and just live.

“And I think that as long as I feel this guilty over what happened with you that's going to be hard. As for you, well, in your shoes? I'd want to know what the hell happened.”

Adam's mouth twisted into an unhappy, sour grimace for a second, then relaxed again.

“But I already know what happened, don't I? You lied to me, and you used me – intentionally or not, there's no other way I can take what you did – and then you went running back to your ex, like it was all a game to you.”

“It wasn't!”

“But that's what it felt like. You were happy to date me for weeks, months even, but god forbid you commit. Instead you went back home and had sex with the guy who cheated on you. Then you didn't tell me about it, not until Santana basically forced you. And yeah, sure, we weren't exclusive, as much as I wanted to be, but Kurt? Not being exclusive didn't mean it didn't hurt. Because unlike you? I was committed.

“Still, I thought 'okay, he's been burned, he doesn't mean to hurt you, it'll be fine, we'll get through this'. Because you promised me I wasn't your rebound, that you wanted to be over him, and that you wanted to try. And so I trusted you. I trusted you, only to have you go back to Ohio only to come back with an engagement ring. You didn't even have the decency to give me a heads-up, Kurt. I had to find out through others. Hell, I wasn't even lucky enough to hear the gossip. Oh no.

“All those stuck-up brats that only stopped outright mocking me to my face because you pulled rank with them? Yeah, they took great pleasure in informing me about your changed relationship status. Telling me how you'd finally decided to 'get rid of the trash' and such.”

Kurt felt sick to his stomach, not just because of his guilt but also because of the hurt and the venom in Adam's voice. He had a good idea of exactly how nasty some of them had been, and how they'd relished in hurting Adam. And it was all his fault. He'd fucked up, and while he'd certainly paid for it, Adam had suffered just as much.

“I could have dealt with you deciding to break things off with me, Kurt. I wouldn't have liked it, no, but I would have accepted it. But that's not what happened. Instead you just threw me aside, showing me less respect than you do than yesterday's paper. Not only did you start dating someone else, after telling me you weren't ready for a relationship, but you started dating the guy who treated you like crap and who you told me you didn't want to go back to. And to top it all off you agreed to marry him?

“And as if all that wasn't enough, you waited until everyone who cared to bully me had had a go before trying to talk to me yourself.

“You owed me better, Kurt. I don't care that we weren't boyfriends, that we were only dating casually, you still owed me more than that. As someone who was both in love with you and trying to be your friend, I deserved more.”

Kurt swallowed down his tears and his shame, because Adam was right. The way Kurt had acted was so beyond okay it was hard for him to understand why Adam hadn't simply just spat him in the face when Kurt had tried to talk to him – both back then and now.

It was, he acknowledged, a testament of exactly how much of a good guy Adam was.

“You're right. You deserved so, so much more, and the way I acted was deplorable. I owe you so much, the least of which is an explanation. It's just hard finding the right words. It's always been. And all of this, it's going to sound like a bunch of excuses, like me trying to shift the blame of my behavior onto others, I realize that. Just, this is the result of hours of therapy. Because yeah, I needed that.

“I've needed it for years.

“When I left for Lima it was only to be there for my dad. I had absolutely no intention of getting back with Blaine – he wasn't even on my radar. I was planning to come back and keep trying the dating thing with you. We were going somewhere, I thought, and I wanted to see where that was. I wanted to see what we could be. Because I looked at you, and I saw sunshine, and I liked that.

“And then I was back, and everything was closing up on me. Blaine was around from day one, everywhere that wasn't the hospital, and sometimes there too. And he was...familiar, I guess. And I know, that's not an excuse, or even a good explanation, but it's the truth.

“And the longer I was there, the harder it was to see past him. Past the memories connected to everywhere I went, past the memories all over my room, because I hadn't had the heart to clear them out. Past everyone telling me we'd been so good together, that we belonged together, that part of being a couple was forgiving each other for mistakes, on and on.

“Add that both Rachel and Santana, the only ones who knew you, kept comparing you and what we had to Blaine and what I had with him, and making it all negative. Not putting you down, just... Making you sound less. Making our relationship sound like a cheap knockoff, and all emotions between us like a pale copy of what love and passion was supposed to be. And I was enough of an idiot to think that they had a point.”

Adam's face closed off and he started standing up, making Kurt panic.

“Being with you didn't hurt!” he blurted out, terrified that Adam wouldn't let him explain. Then he flushed scarlet, as the people at the next table turned and looked at him.

“Adam, please...”

He blinked back tears as Adam sat down again, both grateful for it and terrified it'd be for nothing as Adam looked as close to furious as Kurt had ever seen him.

“What are you talking about, Kurt?”

“Do you know how many guys have been interested in me? The first was so deep in the closet that his response to kissing me – without my consent, by the way – was a death threat.

“The second was Blaine, and he only went for me after he got shot down by who he really wanted, and he wanted to change like 90% of who I was.

“The third was you.

“That's it. That's my romantic history.” Kurt swallowed back a lump of humiliation and old hurt, and continued.

“Between the two of them Blaine and David made love into something twisted. They probably didn't mean to, it just... It happened. My friends... They were always in relationships, but never truly healthy ones. There was always something, you know? Mike and Tina came close, I think, except for how they got together when she was still dating someone else.

“And my brother was going to marry Rachel, only on the day of the wedding instead of taking her to the town hall he took her to the train station and sent her to New York alone. And that's not healthy, that one person feel that they can make that kind of decision about the relationship. Of course, Rachel saying she was going to stay in Lima to marry Finn instead of going to NYADA was hardly healthy either.”

And then there was Kurt's stupid crush on Finn, and how twisted that had made things, and... Well. No need to drag up everything.

“I used to think they'd end up together some way in the end after all, but now... They loved each other, I know they did, but I don't know if they could ever have been healthy together.

“It took me quite a lot of therapy to realize that I'd pretty much told myself that it wasn't love if it didn't hurt. It took even more before I could say that love shouldn't hurt, that if it hurts there's something wrong. It took me months to be able to say that what you and I had was real. That the fact that it didn't hurt proved it was. That it could have been everything – if I'd only let it.”

Kurt hated how his voice broke and wavered, hated that even after all the work he'd put in to become stronger talking about how fucked up he'd been made him feel anything but strong.

“When I told you about what happened at the wedding you acted as if it was okay. The same happened when I wouldn't commit to you. You never pushed for more, never pressured me to do – or be – something else. And I took that as meaning that you didn't really care.

“Stupid, I know. But... It was what I knew. I didn't understand that allowing me to decide for myself was something you did because you cared – because you did like me, and because you liked me, not who you could make me into. I had forgotten what it was like to have my wishes respected, because to be honest no one's done that fully since my mom died.

“I didn't know how to be in a relationship with someone who wouldn't push for me to do as they wanted, not what I needed, who didn't try and make me less so that they could be the one looked up to. Some part of me expected you to take offense at me doing well, or use it to your own advantage. Not because of anything you did, but because it was what I was used to.

“I was fucked up, and I should have found a therapist a long time ago.”

Once he'd started it was as if he'd forgotten to keep things inside, and he just kept talking even though Adam looked at him as if he'd pulled of a mask, revealing himself as an alien. The doors were open, and everything was coming out.

“It wasn't just about romantic love either. My dad was a part of it too. He... I love him, I do, and I don't doubt that he loves me, but sometimes... Sometimes I need more. Sometimes I resent him for not giving me more.

“Dad never said it out loud, but I always knew I wasn't what he'd hoped for in a son. Parts of me, yes, but me as a whole? Never. And that made me feel as if I had to earn his love, and acceptance. It drove me into doing all kinds of things I wasn't really into, in the hope that he'd be happy.

“I learned basic mechanic skills to please dad, I watched shows that made me so bored I wanted to cry, I hid things I loved, I gave up ballet, I tried out for the football team, I tried dating a girl... All so that dad would approve. Not just of my interests, but of me.”

Saying those things hurt, because Kurt really did love his dad, and criticizing him was hard. But, they were all true, and holding back had never helped. Quite the opposite, I'd say.

“After mom died I kind of got into a mindset of doing whatever it took to keep dad – in every way. Turns out, that also meant accepting a marriage proposal because dad thought I should. I remember coming out to him, and how scared I was, because I knew that his love wasn't unconditional. I knew that I was most likely going to disappoint him, and that he might love me less for not continuing to pretend I was 'normal'. And I would have, only I felt like it was killing me. I was scared that I would lose my dad by being honest, but I was even more scared that I would lose the will to live if I wasn't.

“And then when he told me he knew, and continued to tell me he loved me even after, I was so grateful that I ignored all the warning signs. Dad loved – loves – me despite being gay, and having to accept that breaks my heart.”

“Dad hated the idea of me dating in New York, and since I never told him any of the bad things about my relationship with Blaine he thought we had been good. He liked the idea of me only being with one boy – it was the next best thing to me staying single and celibate until I turned 30 or something, you know?

“So when we broke up, and I told him it was because we couldn't do long distance, well, dad never expected us to stay broken up. He figured it was just us being young and that we'd get back together once Blaine was in New York if not before.”

It had been so obvious, or should have been, that this had been the reasoning behind Burt bringing Blaine with him to New York over Christmas. Helping the two of them reconnect. Kurt avoided even thinking about the possibility that his dad would have pushed for him to get back with Blaine even if he'd known the whole truth, but he could tell that Adam was thinking something along those lines.

“For some reason dad thought that me getting married to Blaine was a good idea, and somehow I took that as me having to do just that. As me having to repay dad's acceptance with compliance.”

He choked out the words, feeling as if his life depended on no longer holding them in. And, miracle of all miracles, Adam reached over and rested his hand on Kurt's arm in a gesture of support. Only for a few seconds, but it felt like everything Kurt could ever have asked for.

His next words came out in a whisper.

“Sometimes I wonder if me not telling dad the truth about all the ugliness in my life was because deep down I didn't trust him with it. Didn't trust him to side with me, instead of saying I deserved it for being myself.

“The same goes for the ugliness in my relationship with Blaine. I didn't tell dad, because subconsciously I didn't expect him to take my side. He... Well. Let's just say he doesn't have the best track-record when it comes to taking my side against other guys.

“And when it came down to it, he didn't this time either. When I broke off the engagement my dad immediately sided with Blaine. He didn't even stop to listen to me, or consider my wishes. In the end that was what drove me out of New York. Not Blaine stalking me, or all my friends siding with him, but my dad's failure to support me and trust that I had good reasons for my choice.”

Bringing it up still hurt so much, even after all the therapy he'd had, and Kurt knew that just a month ago he would not have been able to to have this conversation, to lay himself this bare in front of Adam.

Burt Hummel had failed as a dad, utterly and completely, and that hurt more than anything. More than his friends failing him. More than Blaine betraying him. It was almost as painful as losing Finn.

Almost, but not quite, because while it felt like Kurt had lost his dad just as brutally as he'd lost his brother, at least Burt was still alive. The option to mend the fences some day was still there.

“Anyway, that's not an excuse, just like none of it is, but it's part of why I had such a hard time believing fully in you. Having a stranger be that accepting and supportive when my blood couldn't be bothered? It had to be fake. It had to be, because I couldn't deal with what it said about my life if it wasn't. It wasn't fair to you, and you deserved so much better, but that's how it was.”

“I'm not saying we ignore everything that's happened, and just go back to dating like I never went back to Lima and got stupid. Like I didn't hurt you. I know we can't do that. Not only would it be impossible, but it also wouldn't be healthy.” He should know – he had, after all, done exactly that with Blaine. “Too much has happened, and we're not the same. At least, I'm not, and I don't really think you are either.

“But could we start again? Could we try? Because Adam, I know it was my fault, but I'm not ready to lose you. I miss you. I want you in my life. You're one of the best people I've ever met. You're someone I'd be honored to call my friend.”

Kurt almost stopped there, almost allowed fear to keep him quiet. He'd come too far though, and something told him that unless he put all his cards on the table now he'd come to regret it.

“I'm not going to lie. I'd love for us to be more than friends again – would love it if you gave me a chance to love you, because I could. So easily.

“And if you're willing to try, again, if you're willing to trust me with your heart? This time? This time I'm ready. This time I'm free to move on, to commit. It would be just the two of us, no ghosts, if you're willing to give me a chance even though I haven't deserved it.”

Kurt held his breath, impatient for an answer and scared of one at the same time. Seconds ticked by and became a minute, then two and three, and Kurt's heart sank. Maybe he was too late. Maybe he'd misread Adam, again, and all this was just about closure to the other man.

You know you had to try though. Even if nothing comes of it, you hadto. The inner whisper came, as it occasionally did these days, in Finn's voice, and Kurt listened. You had to do this for your sake, because you'd never have been truly free otherwise, but most of all? You needed to do this for him. Either way you'll be fine, little brother. You know you will. You're strong enough to stand on your own if you have to.

He was broken out of his musings by Adam drawing a shaky breath, then speaking, voice a little wavering with emotion.

“Hi. My name is Adam.”

“Hi, Adam. I'm Kurt. It's a pleasure meeting you. I don't want to be too forward, but you seem like a really amazing guy. Would you like to meet up for a cup of tea some day? Maybe catch a movie?”

And as Adam met his smile with one of his own, almost as brilliant as the ones from before, Kurt felt his heart burst with joy and the soft hum of a triumphant melody rise in his soul.

See? I told you you'll be fine. Love doesn't have to hurt, little brother. Not when you do it right. He'll show you, just you see.

~ The End ~

[spongebobafettywap]

Hhh I don't like the new origin story personally. It's supposed to explain everything, make complete sense and be all in the feels but... It doesn't ? At all ?? At least not for me.

The timeline is now more broken from all the continuity errors : Nightcrawler's still officially 30-35 years old while Destiny is stated to be born in the 1850's-1860's cuz the writers really hammered in on the "Irene Adler from Sherlock Holmes" shtick. We got to see her in Immortal X-Men post WWII looking her age, as in old with white hair and wrinkles, cuz she doesn't slowly age like Mystique at all (it's one of the most pivotal part about their dynamic and relationship of Immortal vs Mortal), so ? Was Nightcrawler born before both WW ?? When Margali herself wasn't even around yet since her father was a young soldier still during the wars (who am I kidding the writer for this comic hates Margali judging by how he straight up killed her in his last one shot) ??? Destiny shouldn't look or be younger than 90 years old by the time Kurt was born (he was 21 in the 1980 annual) so why is the comic acting like she's still in her 20's-40's when she supposedly had him ??

Nightcrawler is supposed to be made from like what ? 50% of Destiny's DNA (unaltered and full on hers) + 30% of Mystique's + 10% of Baron Wagner's (an old infertile human...) + 10% of Azazel's ? Okay so why the H did he end up looking like a (+)70% Azazel baby when none of his other children ended up like that with the usual 50% ratio ??? From all his powers coming from him (because they retconned the way Mystique's were and always worked meaning Kurt doesn't actually have anything from her on that aspect), his appearance both as a mutant and when depowered (Some of Azazel's kids are just blue and depowered Nightcrawler is the human disguise Azazel uses without a beard...), his daughter TJ having a retractable tail like Azazel to Sinister's chimera experiments (splicing different mutants's DNA together to make a new one) which had Kurt's DNA mixed with two other mutants (Rachael and Ajax) resulting in Cardinal, who just looks like Azazel with red hair and red eyes, there's a fundamental lack of any "Destiny" in him. It doesn't help that Sinister (guy who makes entire genealogical trees of everyone as a flex) now has a longtime history of going against Destiny so you bet your ass he would have ran his DNA bank computer looking for any descendants of hers, saw a good 50% on Kurt and exploited that ratio to the ground for his splicing experiments. (Kurt is now the og spliced baby too)

And like we really lost something important here in the tone. Because no matter how you looked at the one from Lobdell or the one from Austen (a continuation of and addition to Lobdell's technically), there was a deep layer of tragedy to Nightcrawler's origins and you couldn't help asking yourself if things couldn't have been different for both Mystique and him if she wasn't in such a precarious situation to begin with when she had him (knew this would have happened at all) or if she just tried harder to keep him. That's why the Age of Apocalypse version of them is interesting, this is why the What-if where she raised him from birth with Destiny and Rogue was good addition. It showed that there WAS an alternative... But it wasn't in the cards he got. It was beyond either his or Mystique's control and it was just the usual uncertainty of life being at play. You felt bad for Kurt and even sympathetic for Mystique because she was somewhat a victim of circumstances. It was a tragedy because life back then was unpredictable for both of them

Not here. Mystique and Destiny planned everything, worked years for it to go exactly as intended, went to very specific terrible people for it, picked exactly what they wanted for Nightcrawler (the "child they always wanted") to look like... And on the first notice/freak ass future vision, just unceremoniously abandoned him. After all of that. Did Destiny just never check for the immediate future of them both raising the baby during the entire pregnancy ? Or noticed how her diaries never mentioned him once but did for Rogue many many times ? Then, they felt SO guilty about it that, instead of trying to make the life they forced upon him be slightly better in any way shape or form, they chose to FORGET about it to live their current lives with this adoptive daughter of theirs in peace of mind. Mystique, for some wtf reason, decided to keep the knowledge of her biological ties to Nightcrawler and has since then used it against him whenever. Destiny, the one who wanted this kid in the first place and was the reason he was suddenly abandoned because they just "could never ever possibly raise him due to VISION" (*points to the What-if story where they did raise him and she was pretty much the reason why Kurt died because she did jack and didn't even care that he died*), chose to erase everything. Gg to the one who started it all.

Nightcrawler's origins isn't a tragic story anymore. It's a comedy : the set up ? payoff ? All there. The punchline? The writer wants us to sympathize with Mystique and Destiny in these new origins like the other ones did for Mystique. They want us to sympathize with selfish lazy cowards, who've lived consequence free of the child abandonment they committed and even abandoned said child again in that weird event with Sinister this year, all in a heartbeat. Because Mystique suddenly remembered that she "cared" since that kid was related to her lover... Instead of caring because he was HER KID even with the memory erasure (that factor never stopped her from raising and loving him in those other realities)

So Kurt now : 1) is the closest thing to an IVF baby genetically profiled to be a certain way by the same parents who abandoned him at birth in a place where he was eventually found... Near death. 2) has not one, not two, but 3 irredeemable deadbeat parents (+ one straight up dead) and we now have to like two of them every time they'll get shoved into any stories that includes him (yes from the way this one-shot ended, he's an inclusion, not a main character) and 3) has no actual free will of his own. His argument with Azazel about how much fate/destiny was at play in Kurt's life when they had their fight in Heaven? Azazel was right. It's just that Nightcrawler's life was under someone else's thumb than his, Mystique and Destiny from the very start sure but also Charles since he apparently knew everything ALL ALONG being the one who erased their memories when they asked him to... The very guy that rescued Kurt from a mob, got him in the X-Men, had him face these two ladies time and time again, was there when he wanted to investigate Mystique after she name dropped Margali (never got answered still) and was his confident after the whole Azazel debacle. That guy

I just can't, man

Well yeah but to be fair Kurt's age has always been a problem given that he was originally written to be born just a few years after WWII. Best resolution I have for this problem with his age that I am amazed isn't official canon yet is just make him one of the many ageless mutants, I don't see WHY that's out of the question given Azazel and Mystique's nature.

lol wow gotta love how much contempt X-men writers have for Margali, its not enough to make her a Supervillain they also have to kill her off whenever they get the chance, she's only the only remotely healthy parental relationship Kurt has had with a person who is still alive why even try to write her properly?

The retcon with how he's made is so messy, its like okay they want to make it so Mystique and Destiny are his parents but then they realised they can't exactly just remove Azazel from the picture so now they had to make a version of having their cake and eating it too. So Mystique and Azazel had a baby together but then Mystique put that baby into Destiny. That's how I understand it, I know apparently they tried to factor Baron Wagner into it when its just like wow damn who was even asking for that irrelevant character to be involved? The actual origin makes little sense given that Kurt as you said inherited nothing from Destiny (almost as if her being his mother was a stupid idea or something!)

But you are right now instead of it being a love affair between Azazel and Mystique that ended up exposing her as a mutant due to a mutant child and having her run out of town. Now its some really convoluted origin to Nightcrawler, him being a child of like 3 parental figures and apparently of the 3 only Azazel even remotely cared about him. Which is just you know really amazing writing for all the people who demanded Mystique and Destiny be both his parents lol great job now they both look like even worse parents given they had a kid together and they opted to abandon him for no real reason.

See when it was Mystique on the run it at least made some kind of sense she abandoned him in a Moses basket as her life was too dangerous to involve a baby in and she had no one else with her at the time, now its just like "oh yeah you know me and my partner already had an adopted child but we also had a biological one that we gave up for no reason". It's also funny how Destiny wanted this child but then she doesn't have like any interaction with him or concern over his well being at all in all her years of existing as a character.

I don't like this origin much either as it really does play more like a comedic parody of comic origins than anything actually serious, but the one good thing about it is the hardcore Destiny fans didn't get it their way either.

[lady--lioness]

The rain

One more day, one more letter. A new visit to the post office.

Pallas always went there with two hopes: one was to get a response from her father. The other was the possibility of finding Bernhardt, in the same way she saw him there for the first time. She managed to see him once in the distance, from her place in the queue, but wearing the yellow sash she didn't dare to attract his attention so as not to expose him, and other times she had found him talking angrily with other gentlemen, and Pallas, as a lady , had been educated never to interrupt such conversations.

Pallas had to give up the first hope, since she, again, was leaving empty-handed. But she handed over the new letter she wrote, and walked slowly towards the door of the building, turning her head constantly hoping to take her second hope at least. She looked at every corner as discreetely as she could, but got nothing. Bernhardt wasn't there.

Pallas sighed, but as she approached the exit, she saw several people blocking the door. Pallas then noticed that it was raining, and people were waiting for it to slow down or stop, taking refuge in the door and under the ledges. An unexpected downpour that caught anyone near her by surprise. Pallas didn't like getting wet in the rain, but she didn't wear a cloak, much less had an umbrella. She would have to wait with all those people. If only Bernhardt were there...!

"My, Lady Pallas herself."

Pallas shuddered when she heard that comment uttered by that voice. It couldn't be anyone else.

"...Herr Heinrich. Good morning."

"Good? Have you seen the sky?"

"I was trying to be just polite, Herr Heinrich."

"And I was trying to be funny. As you see, I'm terrible at comedy and you're terrible at spontaneity. We aren't made for show business."

Pallas smiled to please him, hoping the conversation would end there. But in front of her she saw how he offered his arm to her.

"I have an umbrella. I can accompany you if you want."

Pallas observed the people around her discreetly. Some people were already observing them with prejudice in their eyes.

"The sash, mein herr. I wear the sash."

Kurt looked at the long yellow belt Pallas was wearing tied around her waist with a flirty bow.

"Very pretty. The color suits you. Let's go now? I've finished my business here and I have to return to the headquarters as soon as possible, and it's a long way to the Pleasure district."

"You don't mind being stared at?"

"I'm a soldier helping a lady in the rain. If people want to think that's bad, they can go to hell!"

Pallas was somewhat surprised by such words. He sounded like something Rosaspina would have said. She felt comforted. But at the same time, somewhat uncomfortable and guilty. She reluctantly took Kurt's arm, and they walked out into the street. Kurt opened the wide umbrella, they walked a few steps, and then the soldier offered it to Pallas for her to take.

"Excuse me, but you are taller than me, you will get less wet than if I..."

"It's for you. Go home. See you."

Kurt broke away and started walking in the opposite direction.

"But, sir!"

"You don't want me to come with you, but you wouldn't have accepted the umbrella either, so I tricked you. Go back to the brothel, I know you can do it on your own. You'll give it back to me later," Kurt said out loud, pointing to the umbrella.

Pallas, who hated getting wet, was trapped under the black umbrella. She watched the strange soldier leave. On the one hand, she resented him for his deceit and lack of chivalry, but on the other hand, she felt comforted by his consideration. Even though she was alone, she felt strong; Somehow, that man made her feel that way... Even if it turned against himself.

[iguana-eyanna]

Utterly In Euphoria

Pairing: young!Charles Xavier x mutant!Reader

Summary: the reader is a teacher at Professor Xavier's school. All of her students try to play matchmaker for their favorite teachers

Warning: overexertion of mutant powers

It was spring in New York. The soft rays of the sun graced everyone to head outdoors, as well as young lovers to admire the beauty of blooming trees filled with fragrances. It was a beautiful sight indeed, especially at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.

All of the children, including the teenagers, loved to spend the day outdoors during this time. They all thanked you, their favorite teacher, for creating such a bright environment when they were filled with seasonal blues. You discovered your powers at a young age where you could grow any type of plant at your will.

From then, you made it your duty to create a loving environment as some of your students didn't have great experiences growing up. So what way to start off the school year with the season of rebirth?

Your older students especially took notice of this, specifically Jean Grey's age group. They were your first students upon being hired by Professor Xavier and you couldn't be blessed by such talented kids.

Now, you were dismissing your class that was held outside. "-and don't forget to read up on the chapter from today!" you called out to the students who were already packing their things. "I guess everyone's excited for tomorrow." a voice said behind you. You smile and turn around to see the professor approaching you.

"Can you blame them? You told the whole school to take a day off for the annual spring picnic," you replied, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. "Which you have initiated five years ago. I just wanted to come by and offer my assistance for preparations." You smile brightly ear to ear by his generosity.

Not far from the distance, your older students look at their mentors.

"Yep, they're totally flirting," Jubilee stated. "C'mon, do you really think the professor is capable of flirting? I never even seen him date anyone." Scott replied. "Well, maybe because he's waiting for a particular person." Jean chimed in, smirking.

"You're thinking what I'm thinking?" Jubilee asks eagerly.

"I don't think it's wise to interfere with our teachers' personal lives, friends." Kurt disagreed nervously, but it was too late. The girls started making their plans while the boys had to reason them that this was a bad idea.

What's the worst that can happen?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up around 5:00 in the morning, eager to start the morning. Using your powers can be very draining, especially when you're decorating the entire campus with breathtaking plants. But you would do anything for your kids, especially if that meant you weren't able to celebrate at full energy.

You wore a lovely yellow spring dress that matched your pale yellow bicycle. You have lived in the greenhouse upon your request working at the school, so using the bike was a great way to transport. You make your way to the outdoor quad, ready to start a wonderful day.

All the teachers and the older students took part in preparing for the Spring Picnic. Hank made catering arrangements for food while the older students set up tables and utensils.

You were high on a ladder, growing Wisterias on a branch. Professor Xavier was below the tree, talking to Jubilee and Alison Blaire to be careful of tonight's fireworks. He started to mention last year's Fourth of July accident that made you chuckle, making him look up and smile at your contagious laugh.

After the girls left, you started to feel your powers weakening. 'Almost... done...' you thought to yourself as your eyes begin to flicker. Before Charles leaves, he looks up to your drained figure that was dangerously swaying back and forth on the ladder.

Charles screamed out your name as he saw you fall. He grabbed Jean's attention to the scene unraveling, allowing enough time for her to use her Psychokinesis to save you in midair. Your body was slowly descending to Charles as he grabbed you tightly in his arms and placed you carefully on his lap, using his telepathic abilities to make sure you were alright.

You regained consciousness, fluttering your eyes open to see Charles in your view. "Are you alright, Luv?" he asks in concern, trying to check if you had any concussions. Your senses start flooding as you realize that he's holding you from your fall.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry," you said quickly, getting out of his chair so you could situate yourself. A group of students ran to you both, concerned about your well-being. The professor thanks Jean for saving your life as she gives you a bone-crushing hug, for the young Grey girl thinks of you as a mother.

"Miss, I think you should rest for a bit. We got it from here." Scott said to you. "Wise words, Mr. Summer. She has indeed worked tirelessly for today's festivities." The professor said.

"I think you both should walk over to the greenhouse, just in case you have a spell again miss," Jean said to you both. You give at each other a puzzling gaze, blushing lightly. "Thank you Ms. Grey for your concern. But I do not wish to make trouble for-" You interrupt him a bit too eagerly. "Please, I insist." you offered the professor. He smiles at you while you grab the handles of your bike as you both start to head over to the pathway.

Jean used her telepathy to reach out to Peter Maximoff. "Okay, they're both heading to the greenhouse. Now's our chance." Peter quickly and runs towards the pathway, setting up a special surprise for the two lovebirds.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I just want to say thank you... for catching me." You told Charles as you walked beside him with your bike in tow. "Of course, I hope that you're feeling better," Charles replied while looking at you.

Before you could talk, you noticed a little picnic set up a few feet from the greenhouse. "What's this?" you inquired, bending down to see a note attached to a closed basket. "We appreciate all that you have done for us, so please enjoy lunch with the professor. Sincerely, your students." you read out loud, smiling proudly. "These kids... always up to their antics." you laugh out loud.

"Well, we shouldn't let this food go to waste, shall we?" The professor offered as you accepted his proposal, taking out the food from the basket. In there was a variety of fruits, cheeses, crackers, and small cut meats. You settle on the picnic blanket as Charles inched closer, trying to lower himself on it as well. You offered to help him and inched closer to him, as he guided himself out of his chair to lay next to you on the blanket.

The next few minutes were a little awkward as the sudden realization that you were having a romantic meal with your boss. He may have sensed your stiffness so he tried to break the ice. "You really have outdone yourself today, I just have wished you wouldn't push yourself over the limit." He kindly remarked as picks up a cracker.

You look down at your hands and give him a sad smile. "I know, but I love these kids more than everything. If that meant I have to be bedridden in order to see them smile, that's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Please understand, I didn't mean any ill intent by that remark. It's not just the kids who care deeply for you." His eyes glistened. You stop what you were doing as you stare at Charles. "I've crossed a line, I'm sorry." He looks away. You move closer and reach out for his wrist as he looks up at you.

"It seems I am at a cross with myself..." he whispers as he stares deeply into your eyes. "How so?" you questioned lightly, trying not to scare him away.

He coughs in his throat as he props himself up a bit. "Before I initiated the school, I was but a selfish man. I thought that with my abilities, I was able to accomplish peace with everyone alike. Unfortunately, I was too blinded to see that I was wrong. Then it led to a path of pain and loss as I forced everyone in my life to run away from me. But ever since I met you..." Charles said as he puts his hand over yours. "I am utterly in euphoria. You are filled with so much compassion and honesty that I have still yet to master. It comes to you with so much ease and it makes me fall deeply, madly in love with you." He concludes as he catches his breath, not knowing what you are going to say.

The professor may read minds but he would never use his powers against you, not in a million years.

You slowly reach to the sides of his face and lean in, placing a soft and tender kiss on his lips. He holds the back of your head as he wants you closer to him as his body screams for every ounce of yourself.

What felt like an eternity, you both pull away as both of you looked flushed. You slightly turn red as you unknowingly used your powers to grow a whole field of rosebuds around the two of you. Both of you laugh in hysterics from the incident. As the laughter died down, Charles puts a strand of hair away from your face, studying your majestic features.

"Am I allowed to feel this way about you?" He says, more as a question to you.

"Yes... I will never deny you of this feeling," you said as you both kissed again as an abundance of flowers grew around you, defining the blossoming relationship you two shall share for years to come.

Somewhere in the distance, a group of teens are high-fiving each other from secretly watching the touching moment, as well as a certain speedster who is crying happy tears.

[multifandomfanfic]

Perfect

Pairing: Kurt Cobain x fem! Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: Kurt Cobain and Y/N reading at a park on a warm spring day.

Word Count: 875

Request?: Yes!

@thistheivyseason

Sorry this ones a bit short!

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

The sun beat down on my face, forming a thin line of sweat above my upper lip. My eyes were closed as I immersed myself in my surroundings via my other senses. I felt the sun, Kurt's chest just underneath my head, and the soft grass beneath me. As the wind blew gently through the leaves, I heard the sound of trees rustling. The fresh flowers emitted a beautiful and fresh scent that was carried by the gentle breeze. There were no words to describe the utter bliss I was feeling in that special moment.

I opened my eyes, allowing them to adjust to the bright light. I shifted my gaze to Kurt. He had one hand holding a book and the other lightly stroking my hair. I hummed.

“I like that line.”

I whispered softly. Kurt took his eyes away from the book and met mine. He beamingly smiled. His smile never failed to brighten my day. When he grinned at me, it warmed my heart. Every time I saw him, it was as if I were seeing him for the first time. It brought back happy memories of when we encountered each other for the very first time at my friend's party. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and he couldn’t take his eyes off of me. It was at that moment when I knew he was made for me.

“I do too.”

Through the back of my skull, I could feel the steady beat of his heart. My head shifted slightly as I watched his chest rise and fall.

“Do you want me to keep reading?”

I gave a nod. He drew his gaze away from mine and back to the pages. He resumed the story. As Kurt's soothing voice filled my ears, I let myself drift off. I sighed, allowing my entire body to relax. I became heavy and sank into the ground. A gentle breeze passed by, briefly cooling me. I adjusted my dress, making sure it hadn’t shifted.

I took his opposite hand in both of mine. I rested them gently on my stomach. He intertwined our fingers, squeezing lightly. I grew sleepy, Kurt’s very familiar raspy voice gradually lulling me to sleep.

A small push on my shoulder began to gradually bring me back to reality.

“Hm?”

I hummed through a closed mouth. I opened my eyes, noticing that the sky was significantly darker than before.

Kurt gently nudged my shoulder, urging me to awaken.

“I would let you sleep but it’s getting dark. We should make our way home.”

I groaned.

“I don’t wanna stand up.”

Kurt reached behind my back and under my knees. He hoisted me off the ground and carried me through the park. I nestled against his shirt, savoring his cologne's soothing scent. As he carried me through the grass to our apartment, he tenderly caressed my back. The park was across the street from our apartment, making the walk easy for Kurt.

I nuzzled my face into his shirt as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He dragged me up the stairs, the slight swaying making it even more difficult to stay awake. He opened the door using the hand behind my back, kicking it open with his foot.

The soothing, slightly musty scent of our apartment filled my nostrils, proving a comforting sensation. Kurt carried me into the bedroom, placing me gingerly on the bed. I collapsed, already feeling the exhaustion take over me.

I felt Kurt’s soft lips kiss my temple. I hummed in response.

He sat on the bed next to me, lightly stroking my arm. I felt the calming sensation of his calloused fingertips lightly graze over my skin.

“I love you Y/N.”

I rolled onto my back and looked into his bright blue eyes. I could tell he was as tired as me. Under eye bags were forming. I cupped his face in my hand, running my thumb over the bags.

“I love you too. So much.”

I paused my movements. He was staring down at me, a small grin faint on his lips.

“You need to sleep.”

He shook his head.

“I’m alright. I’m not tired.”

I scoffed.

“Yes you are. I can tell.”

I moved over, creating a space for him next to me. I motioned towards the bed.

“Come on. You need your beauty sleep.”

Kurt rolled his eyes playfully.

“Fine. You’re the boss.”

I grinned.

He took off his high tops before joining me in bed. I rolled to my other side. Kurt was lying next to me, my back flush against his chest. His warmth seeped into my skin, causing a soothing sensation deep within my bones. Everything was so perfect at that moment. Kurt was fast asleep in seconds, his steady breathing lulling me to sleep. I could feel myself drifting away once more. My body was tired, so I went to bed with the confidence that Kurt would still be there when I woke up.

“She was a wild, wicked slip of a girl. She burned too bright for this world.”

Kurt burned too bright for this world. There was no doubt about it.

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Makeup [S.B]

Sirius Black x plus size!reader

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: a toxic relationship history and a bit of insecurity because of it.

A/N: I did a questionnaire a few days ago to see what kind of reader you would like me to do. This is the first one I do base on that questionnaire and I want to say the following:

The only reason the reader is specified as "plus size!reader" is that if there is someone who fits this description, feel comfortable.

You will never see something like "her FAT body" NO, NEVER

Much less that the One shot revolves around their weight (neither nationality, nor gender identity, nor sexuality nor all the things that they put in that questionnaire). I only write about NORMAL people in normal situations. All bodies are beautiful, we are all beautiful.

So, if you are a plus size person, welcome. If you are not, you can also read it without feeling left out in any way.

I really hope that you feel comfortable with everything I write and that you know that I seek to be as inclusive as possible. Without more to say, thanks for taking the time to read my stuff. Tell me your opinion, if you want!💕

You looked in the mirror one last time.

Sirius, the boy of your dreams, had asked you out on a date and you wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.

You had met him because you both lived on the same floor of the condo block and it was inevitable to bump into him from time to time. It wasn't the best place to live, it was small and a little dirty, but it was the only thing you could afford and the fastest you could find after that happened.

You liked the way Sirius smelled because when he crossed the corridors, you could perceive a mixture of leather (you supposed it was due to all the clothes he used of this material) and an elegant cologne that drove you crazy.

At first, it scared you a little to see him with that piercing in his eyebrow and his multiple tattoos, but later you realized that he was really nobody to be afraid of, on the contrary, he turned out to be a very tender and sweet boy.

The first time you spoke to him it was because you were struggling to open your door while carrying boxes and bags that you had brought from the supermarket. The boy noticed you were having trouble and walked up to you to offer his help, so (still a bit wary) you said yes.

Once he held your purchases, you could open the lock, but when you turned around, you noticed that Sirius was secretly looking at the contents of your bags and when he realized that you had caught him, he blushed.

"Sorry I'm a little gossipy," he said shyly "I'm Sirius"

"I thought you were a gossip"

"No, my name is Sirius" he laughed and it was your turn to blush.

"Oh, sorry"

"Okay, anyone can get confused" he murmured with his charming smile, handing you what he was holding in his hands "I live in the 512" he informed you. Of course, you knew he lived in that apartment; you had seen him come into its thousands of times "In case you need anything. You know, some plumbing or things that have to do with tools and that shit of men" he murmured kindly. You frowned a little and then he quickly added "I mean, it's not that girls can't do that and it's okay if you know how to do those things, you seem like a smart and capable person. It's just that sometimes it's tedious and requires strength... and it's not that you don't have strength, I mean...” Sirius couldn't continue because he heard you giggle and then realized he was looking like an idiot “Just call me if you need anything and if you want to do it, yes?” he explained to you and you nodded with a smile.

"Thanks for offering your help Sirius" you replied, looking at him over your bags.

"You’re welcome, miss..."

"Y/N" you completed. He smiled and wrapped a dark curl around his finger that fell unruly from his ponytail.

"I'll see you later then, Y/N. It was nice to greet you" he said by way of farewell and you nodded to respond.

You haven't felt like this with any guy since you met your dear (sarcasm) ex-boyfriend. The insecurities that he had created in you kept you from thinking about having something else later and you honestly didn't feel ready to have your heart broken again.

But Sirius continued to be kind to you. Whenever he looked at you, he made an effort to have a topic of conversation, even if you were not so eloquent, and little by little, he was gaining your trust and your affection. As the weeks went by, you became good friends who chatted in the elevator or occasionally (when you weren't late for work) went downstairs just to share a little more time.

Until one day Sirius showed up at your door with his clothes stained with something that looked like paint, his hair tied up in a messy way and smelling of burned food. He was so beautiful in his own way and you were so afraid of falling in love with him because you knew beforehand that having something else would be impossible.

After all, no boy would ever love you. It was something that your ex-boyfriend had commissioned to get very well into your head.

"Go out?" you asked a little confused after he asked you. You didn't want to misunderstand things.

"Yes! We could go wherever you want. For ice cream, to dinner, to a park, to the cinema... I don't know, wherever you can think of”

"Why?" was the first thing that occurred to you to ask. Now it was Sirius' turn to look confused.

"Well, I thought it would be an opportunity to meet and... spend more time together" he explained and although you had understood the idea it seemed impossible to think that the boy had any kind of interest in you "But it's fine if you don't want to, I don't pretend be upset"

"I'd love to," you rushed to say, fearful that the opportunity would slip through your grasp. You saw him smile and after exchanging a few more words he left with a smile that you couldn't see, but that was pure joy.

Finally, the day of "go out" arrived and you were about to tell him that you could not go. You were nervous, more than nervous you were anxious about what could happen or what he could say about you.

You had searched your entire wardrobe for something decent to wear and after pulling and removing and taking out the clothes and trying them on, none of them convinced you. You looked in the mirror and didn't feel like it was enough of an outfit to date a man as handsome as him. In the first place, you did not even know why he had chosen to go out with you, because, although you considered yourself a nice person, you could not boast of being the most interesting.

Don't think about it, don't think about it, you kept repeating yourself as you continued to get ready and looked at the wall clock waiting for the time for Sirius to knock on your apartment.

Once you were with your outfit ready, you looked yourself up and down and although he did not completely convince you, you decided to tell yourself that you looked beautiful. Still a little nervous you looked at the makeup bag that was under some things on your dressing table. You hadn't put on makeup for years, because you were still scared to hear the comments in your head with that horrible voice.

You look like a whore.

You shook your head to ward off all the negativity and taking a breath you plucked up the courage to open the zippers and remove the beautiful makeup that you had abandoned. When you were finishing and without giving a chance to regret there was a knock on the door that took you by surprise. You went out and found Sirius wearing a striped t-shirt and ripped jeans that reminded you of that blond singer... Kurt was his name?

"Wow" you heard him say and he caught you staring at him adoringly. But you noticed that he looked at you the same "You are beautiful" he said with a smile. You frowned, again a little afraid that he was lying, but you tried again to push away those ideas of self-sabotage and smiled widely.

"I'm glad you like it. You look very handsome, you look like...”

"A rock star? I know” he said winking at you and managing to make you laugh “It's a joke, thanks for the compliment, sweetie” he replied, with his pretty smile of sealed lips. Just when you were smiling at him you watched him pay special attention to your makeup and put on a face that completely terrified you, taking all your confidence.

"Something wrong?"

"Your makeup" he pronounced. You felt your heart squeeze a little.

"You do not like? I can go take it off if you find it ugly or something like that…”

"Ugly?" he asked offended "No! It’s beautiful, but I feel like it lacks a touch. You know, the cherry on the cake that stands out in your eyes” he explained. You looked at him confused for the third time and he snapped his fingers as if the answer had suddenly come to his head "Eyeliner"

"Eyeliner?"

"Of course! Don't you like to use it? " he said kindly, turning his head to the side. You denied.

"I never learned how to do it" you lied. There was a bit of truth to it, but it also had a lot to do with the fact that he kept repeating that you looked vulgar with the eyeliner.

“I'm good at it! Come with me,” he murmured. He took your hand carefully and dragged you gently through the hall until they reached his apartment. You were a nervous wreck when he invited you to join him. "Sorry about the mess, I'm really the most distracted person on the planet and I forget to arrange things," he said with an embarrassed smile. You looked at some vinyl lying around, clothes, food packages, paintings, a guitar. There was a certain peace and beauty within all that mess, completely reflecting the boy who was desperately searching for his favorite eyeliner.

"Come," he asked once he left his room. You sat in a red leather chair he had and he leaned in your direction, very close to your face "Raise your head and look slightly down" he asked you and you listened. He took you by the chin with one hand and you saw him stick his tongue out just a little bit (as a sign of his concentration) while drawing on your eyelids. When he indicated that he had finished you saw him smile from ear to ear, which you imitated when he saw yourself in a mirror.

"Wow..." you whispered. Years ago, you loved putting on makeup and especially eyeliner, so seeing you again like that you were surprised. Besides, he was right, his hand was excellent at it.

"Now it's perfect, right?" he said excitedly. Perfect, that's how Sirius described what was in front of his eyes.

"Yeah... it looks much better" you admitted shyly. You couldn't believe that Sirius could make you feel so comfortable and calm, as well as help you maintain your confidence in yourself.

"I just hope I don't meet jealous guys for not having someone so pretty accompanying them," he said flirtatiously, making you laugh because of your nerves and making you blush "Shall we go?" he asked smiling and extending a hand to help you up.

You looked at him, still amazed to have found someone like that in your life, and took his hand with a smile.

Who would say that sometimes love stories begin like this?

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[free-pool-trash]

happiness - peter maximoff

yay a new peter fic <3 i was feeling a little unmotivated for a few days (since our boy wasn’t in episode 8 at all :/) but im back 😎 although im back in school so i might be on and off for a while 😩✋🏻

!!!it’s not a songfic those lyrics at the start are just my inspo!!!

word count: 5k <3 😳

warnings: maybe swearing but i dont think so i cant remember, peter being sad, angst, but mostly fluff, WandaVision spoilers maybe??? I pretty much made up this plot so idk, endgame spoilers, reader was an avenger, kissing but it’s not graphic😽 probably some mistakes yk how it is

feedback is appreciated <3

tagging: @enchantedcruelsummer (should i make a peter maximoff taglist? let me know and I’ll do it)

masterlist

haunted by the look in my eyes that would’ve loved you for a lifetime

leave it all behind

& there is happiness

Loneliness had always been something that plagued him. That and a plethora of other negative emotions.

There wasn’t a day that went by where Peter Maximoff wasn’t made to feel like a loser. Admittedly, he’d never held himself to a high standard, he grew up thinking that he’d never fit in anywhere and eventually that thought mutated into a lifestyle as he began isolating himself from the world around him, either far too good or heartbreakingly not enough to be a part of that crowd.

He liked spending time with himself. Nobody else knew him the way he knew him, and still, he found nothing but an overwhelming hollow space where his deepest most important hopes, aspirations, dreams and self discoveries should have resided.

Peter had always put this feeling of exile down to the fact that he was a mutant, it was the most likely explanation, right?

It was only when he’d decided to join the X-Men that he finally came to the conclusion that maybe the rest of the world wasn’t the problem, nor was his mutation the problem, but that he himself was the problem. For even in a school full of people exactly like him he was still the same loser that he was in his mother’s basement.

And he was under no illusions that that was exactly what his teammates saw in him; nothing. No potential. Just a space holder to bring the numbers up.

Super speed was incredible. That’s how Peter acknowledged jobs well done, he praised his speed but never himself. He just saved Charles and Erik from a room full of armed guards? No that wasn’t him, that was simply his speed. He saved an entire mansion full of people from a potentially fatal explosion? Nothing special, Kurt probably could’ve done the same.

Forget all of the good deeds and saved lives because the bottom line of it all, to him at least, was that all he was good for was cheeky one liners and hopeless kleptomania.

His life took a turn for the worse when he found himself being mind controlled in an alternate universe. And even then, he was playing the part of someone that wasn’t him, the thought humbled him, reconnected him to his roots and reintroduced him to his life long philosophy that he’d never be anything more than a social pariah. Not even an alternate reality could accept him for who he was. There wasn’t a warm welcome and despite not knowing what was going on, the definition of “imposter” or the weirder, “recast”, still shot to kill.

He settled on the notion that he was an inter dimensional waste of space. At least in WestView he could be blissfully ignorant, let the real him be drowned mercilessly in favour of being an integral part of someone’s life- to feel important, even if it wasn’t real.

When WestView fell apart he was completely lost. In every sense of the word. In a new world with no way home and as it turned out, nobody was looking for him. Although he didn’t expect anyone to care, it still stung that nobody did. He always hoped that one day Erik would step up as a father figure for him, this; getting kidnapped and smuggled into a different dimension, seemed like the perfect moment for that epic father son moment, but it wouldn’t surprise Peter if his father has yet to notice his disappearance.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, he came into contact with a beacon of hope. A guiding star that might possibly lead him to an existence consisting of something other than misery and self loathing.

It offered him a choice; return to being the self proclaimed loser he was known as or start fresh as someone new and mysterious, with first impressions yet to be made and conclusions about him yet to be drawn. Peter had known himself to be rash in the past, when it came to making decisions he had the tendency to act impulsively, never putting too much thought into how his decisions would affect his life in the long term. The choice before him now is no different, he knew exactly what he wanted going forward, however selfish the choice may have been, the second he realised it was an option his heart was set on it.

That previously mentioned beacon of hope arrived to him in the form of a girl, in the form of you. An ex-avenger and close friend of Wanda’s, you were hired by S.W.O.R.D to help them clean up the more ‘sensitive’ fallout that the fall of WestView brought about. Obviously, they were sticking you- the only other avenger with magik- on babysitting and rehabilitation rather than letting you go after your best friend who had gone completely off the rails. Having said that though, you didn’t want anyone else handling him.

You hadn’t watched WandaVision, nor were you even aware that any of it was going on until it had reached a boiling point and you got a call from Monica Rambeau, she’d begged you to come and wait on the edge of town while she went in and act as her eyes on the outside along with Jimmy Woo.

That’s where you stayed until the hex broke down.

As soon as the barrier came down the base you manned was overrun by an armada of terribly confused and distressed citizens, Monica and Wanda were not among them but in their places stumbled in Darcy and the man playing the role of Pietro.

Jimmy appointed himself to Darcy, who in all honesty seemed relatively unscathed by the situation while you made a beeline for the dirty blonde charading as your former, dead teammate.

Peter was, to put it simply, completely enthralled by you as soon as you’d strolled over to him and in the moment he’d put his almost magnetic attraction to you down to the fact that you were the first friendly face he’d seen upon breaking free of Agatha’s possession.

But one thing in particular struck him; you’d asked him his name. You hadn’t immediately assumed him to be some knock off Pietro, as everyone else had. You acknowledged that he had his own personal identity and despite how often he caught himself hating the person he was, he found that when it was torn away from him that he wanted it back. The simple question you posed gave him the opportunity to regain his identity.

“Peter. My name is Peter.” He answered you, almost unsure of himself and you found your interest in the man piqued even further.

He remembered with perfect clarity the way you’d offered him a grin, tilted your hand, extended your hand and said, “Well it’s nice to meet you, Peter. Come on, I’ll be your babysitter for the next while.” There was something about the way you’d laughed after saying the words and the slight, yet unmistakable, glint of mischief in your eyes that had him captivated from the get go.

With you came a whirlwind of new emotions. After only a few weeks of knowing you, Peter noticed he wasn’t as lonely as he had been back home. He didn’t hate himself half as much either, he wasn’t entirely free of self deprovative tendencies and maybe he never would be, but undoubtedly, he likes himself more in this world than he ever had in his last. He thanked you and your determination to make him “a functioning member of society” for that.

It didn’t feel belittling, the way you helped him. You hadn’t dragged him to your favourite mall every weekend just to taunt him about how he couldn’t stop himself from stealing something. Even the very first time, when he’d sped away from you and returned within a second adoring a pair of freshly stolen sunglasses. Your only reaction had been to laugh and casually place your hands on both sides of his face.

“At least remember to take the tag off next time, speedy.” You’d muttered, subtly pulling the tacky stickers off the arms of his shades. No, you weren’t dragging him sight seeing or forcing him to help you go clothes shopping because you thought he was a loser who needed reforming you were doing it because you were a true friend who wanted him to succeed.

The pair of you seemed like two peas in a pod. Which to be fair, you were. Peter Maximoff intrigued you in every sense of the word. He was new, quite literally other worldly, he was kind, he was funny, he was perfectly mischievous and completely wonderful.

What caught your eye the most was the way he held himself, as if he wasn’t entirely comfortable in his own skin. It became apparent to you that he lacked confidence with the phrases he usually tacked onto the ends of his sentences. When you’d invite him to hang out in the beginning his response would always be something along the lines of, “Sure. If you want me to.” But the excitable puppy dog eyes told you that he was dying for someone to want him to tag along some place.

There was a certain understanding between you. You were both more than accustomed with the harrowing feeling of being alone and even though you’d never exactly voiced those thoughts with each other, you couldn’t deny that his was a spirit kindred to your own and he felt it too.

Since the Avengers has disbanded, one of your best friends, Natasha, was dead and your other best friend, Wanda, was gone completely off the rails and the people chasing her wouldn’t let you anywhere near her or even attempt to help pull her out of her darkness. You were being kept as a wildcard in case they needed her taken down. Peter was no stranger to the feeling of being cast aside and so he quickly responded to your frustrations, and in doing so, forced himself out of his comfort zone to be there for you. To his complete shock though, you’d been so appreciative of his efforts.

You never failed to thank him for the little things he did for you, always complimenting his mutation when he’d use it and giving him the recognition he never received at home. The friendship he formed with you was so… two sided, again, something he wasn’t accustomed to before. It didn’t involve him giving everything he had to offer and receiving nothing in return, you matched his energy meticulously and never left him hanging.

In a series of firsts, he didn’t wonder whether or not you genuinely liked him, never feeling the need or want to question it as you’d left him with no reason to doubt.

As he walked around the mall with you now, his mind brought his attention back to the question you’d asked him rather casually a few nights ago. You were both lounging on your couch, watching some ridiculous reality show (a favourite of yours and Peter’s) when you’d turned your head to look at him, a thoughtful look on your face. “Do you think when S.W.O.R.D figures the technology out to crack into other realities, you’ll go back to yours?”

The question had taken him aback for a second, in all honesty, he hadn’t thought about going home, not when he was with you at least and considering he’d become your roommate about three weeks after he got out of WestView, the thought of returning to his old life had barely crossed his mind.

Being an ex-Avenger you were fairly well off, you lived alone in a two bedroom apartment in New York that you’d bought to be closer to Stark tower. Peter had nowhere to go and aside from having a spare room to offer you’d also been sort of lost in the current of the busy city with everyone you once loved in the area either dead, on the run or busy elsewhere.

While the question hadn’t crossed Peter’s mind, it had crossed yours on several occasions. He’d been staying with you for six months and the moment you realised that he was becoming one of the most important people in your life, the thought of him leaving you too weighed on your mind but at the end of the day you wanted him to feel happy. He deserved to feel happy and if going back to his reality brought him that happiness then you’d support him.

“Dunno,” he’d replied, turning to face you, chucking a handful of popcorn at you when you looked incredulous at his response, “To be honest I haven’t really thought about it, m’way too busy babysitting you anyway.” He joked, effortlessly dodging the few pieces of popcorn you attempted to throw at him.

For the last few nights, the question haunted him, but it wasn’t just the question that was bothering him. You were at the forefront of his mind as he replayed the past six months of his life which also happened to be the best six months of his life. WestView put him through hell but coming out the other side of it and meeting you felt like heaven.

He weighed up the pros and cons of returning to his native timeline. The cons: he’d have to leave you behind, he’d go back to being the loser who nobody took seriously, his talents would be downplayed and disregarded and he’d inevitably end up revisiting his lifestyle of solitude. Then there was the pros: he’d get to reunite with his pac man machine. He couldn’t manage to think up anything else.

If he stayed he’d have everything he ever wanted and needed. You’d be there and he knew you always would be, besides he couldn’t leave you knowing that you needed him. If he left who would wake you up when you had night terrors about the catastrophe that your reality was still recovering from? There would be nobody there to comfort you when you woke up from the nightmares, reliving the deaths of Natasha, Tony or Vision and the experience of being snapped out of existence? If he wasn’t there to make you laugh when you were about to cry then who would be? In his heart of hearts he knew you had a huge support system at your disposal, he’d met most of them. Even though he was well aware that Sam visited you as often as he could, that Bucky wrote you letters on a monthly basis and sometimes tagged along with Sam on his visits, that Stephen Strange appeared in your apartment whenever the urge struck him, that the literal god of thunder invited you out for beer whenever he was visiting Earth, that the little spider-kid, also named Peter, swung by your apartment at least once a week to tell you all about school and his good deeds. Despite knowing all of this and knowing all of these people loved you dearly, Peter wanted to be your main source of support, he didn’t want to be someone who came and went, who’d love you then leave you. He wanted to be with you through anything and everything and the feeling that you’d love him for a lifetime had him satisfied with the decision he was about to make.

If leaving his old life meant he could stay here, with you, and experience happiness for more than a fleeting moment then he’d simply; leave it all behind.

“I’ve been thinking about what you asked me the other night.” He spoke through a mouthful of curly fries. You were sitting in the food court of the mall when he decided to let you in on his desire to stay with you indefinitely.

You raised your eyebrow, “You? Putting thought into an answer? Peter, I think I’m starting to become a bad influence on you.” You told him teasingly, taking a long sip of your drink as he rolled his eyes humorously.

“You’re a terrible influence which is exactly why I’ve decided to stay here and put you on the straight and narrow.” The glee you felt at his statement was undeniable, your eyes lit up and your lips curled upwards.

“You’re staying? Really staying?” Your smile was contagious, Peter’s face now painted with a wide grin as he nodded his head.

In a moment of weakness he frantically added, “Y’know only if you want me to though. If you don’t that’s completely cool.” He rushed through the words, feeling more embarrassed when the fond look on your face never faded.

“Of course I want you to stay. You mean a lot to me.” You reassured him, a gentle smile on your lips as you reached across the metal table, intertwining your fingers with his.

Peter squeezed your hand gratefully, holding it in his grasp securely and allowing his smile to return to his face, “I know. You mean a lot to me too.” It was somewhat of an understatement, he was starting to understand that you didn’t just mean a lot, but that you meant everything.

His resolution lifted a huge weight off your shoulders that you wouldn’t be losing yet another best friend. You were glad he’d be with you when everything blew over with Wanda, the two of them definitely had the potential to develop a beautiful sibling relationship and they both deserved that. Of course, Peter would never replace Pietro and having known them both it was obvious just how different the two men were, the only thing they had in common being their powers and last name. Still, he and Wanda would still be able to work on it. He didn’t hate her after WestView and you knew Wanda well enough to know that she was kind hearted and she’d be more than willing to give him a chance. When she eventually comes back to her senses, that it.

As the months went on, life with you and Peter seemed to only get better. You never stopped laughing, your nightmares died down and Peter had taken on a whole new lease of life. Yourself and Peter were the perfect example of meeting the right person at the right time, you balanced each other out and accentuated the other’s good qualities.

Peter could now say with complete confidence that he was happy and what’s more is that he was finally sure that he was making someone happy.

Up until nearly eleven months of living together your relationship had been purely platonic, save for the constant flirting but flirtation pretty much ran in yours and Peter’s blood. Peter wasn’t going to lie to himself, he’d fallen for you the second you’d peeled the security tags off his stolen sunglasses.

You, on the other hand, had been fighting with yourself because yes, you love Peter but you couldn’t have told him when there was the possibility he’d eventually leave and now so much time has passed and you’ve got such a good thing going you didn’t have it in you to ruin it.

However, all of that changed when your original Maximoff best friend came knocking on your door.

Wanda was on the run. She’d caused an amazing amount of chaos but Stephen Strange and S.W.O.R.D were hot on her trail and now she needed a place to lay low with the twins. She figured there was no place more reliable to go than to the always open arms of her best friend, who conveniently had a divinity for earth magik and could muster up a protective barrier without raising suspicions. And that’s exactly where she found herself; outside your door.

You’d been chasing Peter around the apartment when you heard the knock on the door. Peter was on the opposite end of the kitchen to you, using the bar as a shield from you. “You better get that.”

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you?” You glared as you spoke, it was his own fault really. What sort of idiot jumpscares a witch while she’s mid-meditation? He’d frightened you so badly you accidentally blasted a ball of your signature green energy and ruined your favourite couch throw pillow. When you were ready to pounce on the scared speedster the knocks sounded again, more frantic this time.

With one last glare towards Peter you stomped towards the door. Your anger melted away completely when you saw her. Her hood was up and she looked completely exhausted, two small hooded little boys by her side.

“Wanda…” You breathed out, relief flooding your system at the sight of her alive. She didn’t get a chance to speak before your arms were pulling her against you tightly, hugging her as if your life depended on it. Wanda returned in your embrace, allowing herself to relax for the first time in nearly a year, she sniffled against your shoulder, holding back tears as she realised how much she’d truly missed you.

Billy and Tommy watched in confusion as their mother cried into your shoulder. They didn’t know who you were, all their mother had told them was that they were going somewhere safe.

It was the yell of one of the boys that caused you and Wanda to separate, “Uncle P!” With that you felt a familiar rush of air across your leg but instead of Peter appearing one of the kids was gone.

You shared a perplexed look with Wanda, although your confusion was for different reasons.

“Hey hell raisers!” Peter responded, catching the mini speedster who all but threw himself at him barely regaining his balance before the other child had flung himself into the hug.

“Wanda? Those two… are they...?” You started, at a loss for words Wanda cut you off quietly, her tone as disbelieving as yours.

“My children? Yes. Is that…?” You nodded your head numbly, anticipating the end of her question.

“Your fake brother? Yeah.” Quickly, you realised you and a wanted woman catching up with the door wide open wasn’t ideal and you ushered Wanda inside, shutting the door when she walked in.

“Hey.” Peter greeted her simply, as if he hadn’t been used as a meat puppet in her altered reality. It wasn’t in his nature to hold any grudges.

“Hi?” Wanda replied, her voice still twinged with confusion.

“Peter, will you keep an eye on the kids for a bit? Wanda and I have some catching up to do.” You asked him with a nervous laugh, just thankful that Wanda was too tired to argue with your suggestion.

Peter ruffled the boys’ hair and gave you a grin, “Only if you stop trying to kill me.”

You rolled your eyes as you began to lead Wanda into your bedroom, “You’re on probation, jerk.” You called over your shoulder.

Once you were securely in your bedroom, the door locked and sitting comfortably you fixed Wanda with an amused look, “I’d ask you what’s new but I’m not sure I even wanna know.”

Wanda gave you a sad smile while she shook her head, “No, you probably don’t. I will tell you tomorrow, I don’t want to get into it tonight. I’m so tired.” She admitted, her voice overcome with sadness.

“I’ll pump up the air mattress and you and the boys can sleep in here for however long you need. I’d offer you the spare room but that’s where Peter’s been staying and I don’t think empty food containers are the kind of decor you’d be into.” Wanda nodded, squeezing your hand gratefully.

“So his name is Peter?” She asked, curious about the man Agatha had used to trick her in WestView.

You nodded in confirmation, “Yeah. Peter Maximoff, actually.”

Wanda’s brows came to a furrow at that, “Maximoff? So he’s a relation?”

“Yes and no. Peter is from a different reality but he’s still a Maximoff and he’s got super speed. So, and this is just my theory, while you’re not directly related he could still be your brother- if you wanted him to.” You explained, as gently as you could, not trying to push her too far but to nudge the idea in her direction.

Wanda, to your surprise, didn't seem to hate the suggestion, “What is he like?”

A genuine smile made it onto your face then, as you shot into your description of your roommate, “He’s caring, funny, a little bit of a kleptomaniac but he’s working on it. He’s understanding and moronically selfless, moronic in the sense that he doesn’t even realise he’s being selfless. Huge pain in the ass too.” Wanda had a soft smile on her face by the time you’d finished.

“You like him.” Was all she said and you let out a laugh in disbelief, standing up and opening the door.

“Go grab a shower. I’ll have Peter blow up the air mattress while I go introduce myself to my god sons.”

“I thought you’d at least wait until I actually asked you.” Wanda laughed as you walked out of the room.

Things moved fairly quickly after that. As promised you introduced yourself to Billy and Tommy as their god mother, which they seemed more than thrilled about and you assumed that excitement had to do with whatever description of you Peter had given them. Wanda and the twins were all cleaned and fed and had all but collapsed into bed, foregoing the air mattress and huddling together in your double bed instead.

“Where are you sleeping, mother Teresa?” Peter teased as he noticed your eyes drooping where you stood.

“On the couch probably. Or the air mattress.” You mumbled, cutting yourself off with a yawn.

Peter, unimpressed with your options, scoffed, “No way. Come on, you can bunk with me.”

Much like Wanda, you were too tired to argue and you let Peter pull you to his, surprisingly clean, room by the hand.

You both crawled into the bed, lying close together despite the amount of empty space on the mattress.

“How are you feeling about all of this?” Your soft voice broke through the silence and Peter turned his head to look at you.

“About Wanda?” You nodded your head, watching him intently as he rolled onto his side, facing you more comfortably.

Peter shrugged lightly, “I’m feeling ok. Just glad the twins still see me as their cool uncle.” You let out a small laugh at his response.

“Wanda was asking about you. Seemed interested in getting to know the real you.” You informed him, your heartwarming as you watched a hopeful look fall across his face.

A lull settled over the room once again and Peter caught himself staring at you. His eyes drifted over every visible part of you, reminding him of most of the points on his pros list for staying in your universe; your eyes, your lashes, your nose, your lips, you.

“What’re you thinking about?” The sound of your tired voice pulled him out of his thoughts and ultimately pushed him to bite the bullet and tell you how he’s feeling. With you curled up beside him, in his bed, fighting sleep just to stay in his company for as long as you could; he knew there would be no better time.

“Just about how happy I am to be here with you.” He answered you honestly, the butterflies in both of your stomachs fluttering in sync at his words.

You trailed a hand under the duvet and onto the bedsheets between your bodies, feeling around until you found his hand and gently intertwined your fingers. “I’m happy you decided to stay.”

“What you’ve all gone through in this timeline sucks- don’t get me wrong-“ Peter started sincerely, scooting closer to you and dropping his head back down on the edge of your pillow, leaving the pair of you practically nose to nose as he went on.

“And I hate that Wanda had to go through so much… but I’m really glad that it led me to you.” Peter swore in that moment, right after the confession left his mouth, that he could die right now and be completely content knowing that you now knew how he felt.

His heart stopped, and he thought that maybe he was about to die, when you gave him the softest, sweetest smile he’d ever been on the receiving end of and whispered, “I feel the same.”

Time moved in slow motion as he felt you moving your intertwined hands towards your lips, your lips pressed gently against the back of Peter’s hand before you brought them to rest against your chest.

It was a fact to say that Peter Maximoff had never felt intimacy quite like this before. But, experiencing it now, with you, led him to wonder how he’d ever survived without it. He wasn’t sure whether it was natural to crave more, especially when the affection you were showing him was so gentle, but he didn’t care as he let the impulsive side of him take over.

Not sparing another word, Peter closed the small distance between your lips and his. His free hand cupped your jaw while yours wasted no time in getting tangled in his silver hair.

His lips moved softly and surprisingly slowly over yours and he savoured the feeling of your hand holding his while your other got lost in his hair, your body pressed up against him, the way your jaw moved against his palm as you reciprocated the movement of his lips and the taste of your lips, promising himself he’d never let the memory slip from his mind for as long as he lived.

With complete clarity, Peter could say he had felt true, genuine happiness and he had no doubt in his mind that there was absolutely nothing Charles, Hank, Scott or anyone else from his original timeline could say to make him leave this happiness behind. Because in the process of forgetting his old life, he couldn’t deny that he has undoubtedly found himself in the position of a man who had so much more to live for.

[crash-cinematic-universe]

tiger lilies, self destructing, and richard siken

pairing: peter maximoff/reader

summary: to peter maximoff, love is an anomaly that scares him more than anything else. however, you might be able to help him overcome his fear.

warnings: language! but that’s about it. kind of cheesy at some points but yknow what im not lactose intolerant

notes: this is the monsterous fic thats been kicking my ass this past week (6.2k words babey!!!) i was originally going to add ~~steamy~~ section to this one but i decided against it to make it readable for those who don’t wanna see that kind of stuff. if you want me to separately publish that then just lmk!!  (if any of yall wanna talk about richard siken to me then please do, his work is so good)

taglist: @stranger-names ,  @gooseyhouse , @parkersdarling​ 

1. 

To Peter Maximoff, physical affection has always been a touchy subject-- no pun intended. His speed is a blessing, but also a bitter curse. He moves at the speed of sound, bouncing off the walls and tearing up the roads; he moves impossibly fast, and no one ever tries to catch up with him. People get tired of Peter rather quickly, not bothering to get attached to him when they know they can’t keep up. 

That’s why it’s so jarringly startling when you decide to stick around. When faced with the grand decision of throwing in the towel and leaving Peter behind or sticking around and trying your best, you chose the latter. It was surprising, to say the least. Peter waited patiently for the distance between the two of you to start growing; he waited for the void you once filled to open up again. However, the void never emptied, and the distance never grew. 

To anyone else, this would be a wonderful experience. Knowing that you wouldn’t be left behind or forgotten about would be comforting to anyone else in Peter’s position. However, this did the exact opposite for Peter. He wasn’t comforted or relaxed, on the contrary, he was always on edge. The future was cruel, and the mystery of it all felt like torture. 

To quote the great Richard Silken, “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” Peter lived and breathed by this ideology, that everyone he loves would have to leave eventually, whether it be by their own volition or not. It was obvious that you didn’t plan on abandoning ship anytime soon, so Peter decided he’d take matters into his own hands. If you weren’t going to be the first one to walk away, then he’d be the one to run away from you. He soon came to learn that loneliness was at its most bitter when you’ve come to taste the sweetness of love. 

Love was a strange, complicated beast that Peter Maximoff had never dealt with before. If he were to be completely honest, love scared him. It scared him more than dying scared him. To Peter, death was an escape. Death was the end of a tiring journey, it was safe and simple and easy. Love was the opposite, it was the mouth of a dragon and the edge of a blade. It was the beginning to something so fragile and powerful, something that could end in flames. 

Peter realized he loved you on a summer afternoon. The sun was shining and you were in the shade. He sat down next to you, and within minutes Kurt and Ororo appeared at your side. They seemed so put together, so sure and strong. Peter felt out of place-- he felt as if he were standing outside of a cabin looking in through the window at your wonderful friendships. He watched with his nose pressed against the glass as you walked across the room and opened the cabin door to let him in. 

Peter realized he was in love with you in the middle of the night. A thunderstorm raged outside the mansion walls and raindrops kept time as Peter walked down the hallway. You were sitting on the floor of the common room next to a dying fire, a book clenched tightly in your hands. For a moment, he just stood against a wall and watched you. As creepy as he felt, a part of him believed he’d ruin your night by making himself known. He was okay with being a fly on the wall if it meant he’d get to see you. Peter wondered if there was a world where he had the pleasure of knowing you, without you having the burden of knowing him. 

Still, you saw him. And you knew him. And you waved him over with a smile. He felt the urge to run, to leave you here alone with yourself, but he stayed put. Then, one step at a time, he moved forward. He got closer and closer before he found himself standing at your feet. 

“You’re welcome to stay,” you told him. He believed it. Peter sat down next to you, letting his shoulder brush against yours.

“What’re you reading?” He asked. Peter already knew what you were reading, he read the cover of the book the moment he sat down, but he still wanted to hear it from you.

“Crush by Richard Siken,”

“Oh. What’s it about?” Peter already knew what it was about. He’d read it at least fifty times.

“It’s kind of hard to explain. I’d much rather just read it to you and let you decide for yourself,” Peter’s stupid little heart lurched, and he almost cried at the thought. He held it together, though. 

“That would be nice,” He said softly. 

“Sorry about all the writing in the margins, I can’t help myself sometimes.” Peter scanned the sides of the pages, marveling at your notes. Some of them were reactions, littered with exclamation points and question marks and bold letters. Some of them were underlined phrases and little doodles-- most notably a little drawing of a chameleon on a tiger lily. He loved them.

“It’s okay. Literature is meant to be marked up-- what’s the point of reading if you don’t get to share the love?”

“That’s a good point,” You grinned. Then, the reading began, and you allowed Peter to rest his head on your shoulder as you read to him. Even though he’d heard the poems a billion times by now, they sounded brand new coming from you. He listened closely. You were arriving at his favorite part, “You are Jeff” section 24. 

“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you...” You read on, not noticing the way Peter’s eyes had shifted from the book you were holding to your face. Peter’s mind wanders, and he curses himself for missing the lines you were reading “... You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.” 

Peter felt like he was going to cry. You kept reading and he kept looking. It was getting late, and Peter was getting tired. Your voice had softened and slowed, and the fire that was burning in the fireplace had all but died. Peter was the one that fell asleep first, and you followed closely after. Both of you had lingering smiles on your faces. 

2. 

Intimacy is an odd thing, isn’t it? Thinking critically, intimacy is just vulnerability with more layers. It’s the closeness between people, it’s allowing yourself to connect with someone you care about. It’s stripping yourself down to muscle and bone and hoping the other person doesn’t let you bleed out. It’s a level of trust that is more than closing your eyes and falling backwards; it’s closing your eyes and letting them push you over the edge into the unknown, and trusting them enough to know you’ll be okay when you hit the ground.

It didn’t take long for Peter to realize that he had trouble with being intimate with other people. Too many times had trusted someone to push him over the edge, only to realize he’d be shattered when he hits the ground. After that, he decided intimacy was overrated. It’s not like anyone was going to have that kind of relationship with him, anyway. 

Of course, then you came along and uprooted his entire worldview, like you had with everything else. He found himself thinking about you at every waking moment, which inevitably led to him… thinking about you at every waking moment, if you catch my drift. Sure, intimacy involves more than just physical intimacy, but Peter knows he can’t ignore the feeling that rises in his stomach whenever he’s around you. For the first year or so of your relationship, Peter became very familiar with the feeling of an ice-cold shower. 

What Peter didn’t take into consideration was you. For some reason, Peter struggled to understand the fact that you were just as attracted to him as he was attracted to you. It was no secret that Peter was insecure, but he never really realized how much his insecurity affected his relationships. If he couldn’t love himself, how could anyone else? Peter is the only one who gets to see his persona in its truest form, and every time he has to avert his eyes. It’s safe to say his physical appearance has been the cause of very many painful-- and occasionally tear-filled-- sleepless nights. 

He told you this. He told you everything. He told you about Erik, he told you about his childhood, he told you about everything he loved and hated and feared and yearned for. That ordeal alone was scary enough, knowing that at any moment you could decide you didn’t want to deal with him anymore, but as always, you stuck around. You told him everything. You told him about your family and your struggles. You told him about everything you loved and hated and feared and yearned for, and not once did Peter even think that he wanted to walk away. This is the kind of intimacy that, over the years, Peter had struggled with less and less.

Still, it was the sexual aspect of intimacy that freaked him out. It was a beast he’d never dealt with, a feat he’d never faced. That being said, as every day went by Peter became more and more… frustrated. He didn’t know how to approach the subject, so he'd just let the subject approach him and wing it. 

And as he sat on his bed watching as you twirled around to Tears for Fears “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”, Peter realized he didn’t have much to worry about. 

“Dance with me, dollface,” you laughed, reaching out for him. You looked like someone straight out of a movie, the lim blue light coming from Peter’s arcade machines illuminating a halo above your head. You put Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez to shame. Peter took your hand, grinning like an idiot as you twirled him around. 

There he was, dancing in his mother’s basement with his favorite person in the entire world. He wasn’t a great dancer, and neither were you, but that didn’t matter. Peter was dreading this visit-- he hated the idea of being back in the basement that made him feel like a failure. But you assured him that you’d be there with him, and that getting to see his family would make it all worth it. His family isn’t what made it worth it, though. 

“Brain Damage” by Pink Floyd came next, slower and a bit more somber, but still danceable. Your arms shifted to around his neck, pulling him closer than he already was. Somehow, you ended up with your back against the wall as the song came to a close. He kissed your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips.

“I love you,” Peter spoke softly. This was a small victory-- he’d been so scared of the mere idea of loving someone. You were the only one who got to hear his love confessions. They were for you, and for you only.

“I love you too,” Peter would never, ever get tired of hearing that. Knowing that you love him is enough to keep him going for a hundred years. And he knows the odds, he knows that love is rocky and painful as much as it is beautiful. He knows that love can feel sweet in the beginning and go sour overtime. He knows that first, second, third relationships don’t always work out. But he thinks this is going to work out. And Peter doesn’t think this will ever go sour. Maybe that’s his blissful ignorance talking, maybe he’s jinxing it, but at this moment, he doesn’t care. Right now he is at his happiest, at his most content. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” You asked softly, pecking Peter on the cheek. He could feel the warmth radiating off of you, and Peter grinned. In an instant the tv across the room began playing the opening credits to the first movie that popped into his head. 

“The Breakfast Club?” You questioned. Peter shrugged.

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for a good coming-of-age kind of movie,”

You sat against the headboard of Peter’s bed, allowing Peter to settle beside you. Your head rested on his shoulder, and he was quick to grab your hand. Peter loved the closeness. Over the past year, he’d come to realize he was a very affectionate person. Previously, Peter hadn’t known soft, physical love; the only time anyone would ever touch him would be as punishment or defense, not love. Love. Peter had gotten more comfortable with the idea of love, because when he thinks of love he thinks of you.

3. 

Every good story has a villain. A villain that you love to hate, or hate to love. A villain you can sympathize with, a villain you can’t excuse, a villain that the mere mention of makes you sick to your stomach. An unexpected villain. An obvious villain. A villain that’s just trying his goddamn best. Sometimes the villain is defeated, sometimes the villain changes their evil ways. Sometimes the villain dies and the crowd cheers. 

Peter Maximoff never thought he’d be the villain of his own story. He tried his hardest to be a good person, but there was always that side of him that made him afraid. He was like an explosive; whenever someone got too close, he’d detonate and destroy everything around him. It was a self-defense tactic, albeit counterproductive. 

It killed you to see him that way. He told you about the relationships he’d lost to himself. He told you about the abandonment and the loneliness. It broke your heart. He tried to distract himself, drowning himself in work so he’d never have the opportunity to ruin what he had with you. Peter Maximoff was a walnut tree; every time he planted his roots and began to grow, he’d kill anything that grew too close. However, the constant working started to wear Peter down.

It started with the late nights. He’d collapse next to you at four AM, knocking out the minute his head hit the pillow. Still, he’d be awake before you were, already scrambling around trying to complete various tasks. He was like a machine that was running from it’s problems. The late nights turned to all-nighters, and the few hours Peter managed to salvage set aside for sleep had shrunk to a few minutes at a time. He didn’t eat anything with even a hint of nutritional value. At this rate, he was going to work himself to death. 

The worst part? Peter knew what he was doing. He wasn’t stupid. He just needed to shut up the little voice in his head that urged him to act out. The entirety of his childhood, Peter destroyed what he created. The need to be isolated, the feeling that he deserves to be alone spread throughout his body like a cancer. He locked himself away in the basement, trying desperately to stay out of everyone’s way so they wouldn’t shut him out. People tried to coerce him out of his cave, to pull him out of the bottomless pit he threw himself into. Peter saw them as the sirens trying to lure him into the ocean of loneliness, and he wasn’t going to fall for it. In his eyes, anyone who tried to help him were the villains of his amazing, heroic tale. Fortunately for him, one by one, they started to give up on helping him. They thought he was a lost cause; a fucking loser who was destined to wallow in his own self-pity until he died. At first, this was a triumph. He defeated them, he outwitted the sphinx and slayed the dragon. But a part of him hated himself for becoming the worst-case scenario that every parent feared their child would grow up to be. 

He pulled himself out of his pit and back onto his feet, all by himself. It was hell on Earth, but he did it. That cancerous feeling of uselessness retracted back into itself, now residing in the place next to Peter’s heart. However, that horrifying fear of becoming a burden began to grow again, this time when Peter was in his mid-20s. He began to overcompensate, and that led him to where he was; always on the brink of collapse, running on nothing but coffee and twenty minutes of sleep. In return, Peter got to have friends. In his mind, that was fair. In your mind? Not even close.

You managed to catch him in his bedroom as he was in the midst of simultaneously scribbling in a notebook and reading an open novel. Peter Maximoff would always be the most beautiful person in the world in your eyes, but at that moment, he looked like hell. Your plan seemed foolproof, but then again, you weren’t sure what you were walking into. Lately, Peter didn’t seem like himself. Probably because of the lack of sleep. 

“Peter?” He looked up at you, eyes half-lidded. “I got you something.”

“You did?” A sleepy smile was all he could muster, but that was google enough for you.  

“I did. It’s to mark exactly three years since I first met you,” you sat down on his bed, placing the small wrapped book right next to you. Peter glanced at the calendar on the wall-- oh god, you were right. It’s been three years to the day and he forgot. He deserves the title of “World’s Worst Boyfriend”. Scott will probably be upset that he’s losing his title.

 “What’re you up to?”

“Finishing up some old work I’ve been putting off,” he punctuated his sentence with a yawn. “Some of my old work and some of Hank’s, too.” “Why are you doing Hank’s work?”

“He seemed stressed about something, thought I might help clear his head,” The sentiment is sweet, you’ll give him that.

“Alright, well, can we talk for a minute?” Alarm bells went off in Peter’s brain. There has never, in the history of the universe, been a good conversation that started with ‘can we talk for a minute?’ or any of it’s cruel variants. 

“Actually, I’m kind of busy right now, can this wait?” It was obvious that the answer to that was no, but still, he felt the need to ask. 

“Not really, no. It’s important.” Peter saw the next few seconds playing out in his head. The inevitable had come to fruition; you realized that you could do better, and now you were cutting him loose. He couldn’t blame you, not really, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to rip him to shreds. He realized that whatever you brought for him was most likely a parting gift. How sweet.

“Oh. Alright.” 

“Well, I’m going to give it to you straight,” you sighed. “I’m worried about you, Peter.”

Oh. He’s heard this speech before, he knows the spiel. He can vaguely recall a guidance counselor telling him the exact same thing before Peter decided to call him a slew of expletives. The tar pit in his chest began to grow.

“I’m fine.” This was a lie. The first lie in a long chain of lies that Peter was about to tell to you, his favorite person in the world. He loved you, but in that moment his vision clouded over. You weren’t the person he loved and cherished anymore, no, you were just another faceless blur that provided a temporary escape. 

“Really? I feel like you’re pushing everyone away, you’re pushing me away.” Peter was becoming more and more irritated by the second.

“I told you, I’m fine. I’m not pushing you away. 

“Don’t lie to me,” your voice is firm and unwavering. “You don’t sleep, you almost never eat-- I don’t think I’ve seen you stand still for more than three minutes once in the past month--”

“That’s just how I am,” Peter huffs. He wanted this conversation to be over. “That’s not your problem.”

“Your wellbeing is my problem, Peter, that’s the whole point of being friends with someone. Even more so now, because you’re my partner and I care about you--” 

“Then stop,” Peter rolled his eyes. He's more irritable than normal-- most likely because he hasn’t slept in days. He could almost feel the venomous arms of isolation creeping around him. It’s a sick pattern, he knows; every time someone gets close to him, he feels the need to self-destruct before they lose interest. Even now, even after all this time, Peter’s still powerless against the poison in his veins. 

“What?” You’re losing your reserve and your stature. He can tell. You’re slouching and picking at the cuticles on your thumb. It’s almost as if he’s been shoved into the back seat, and is now being forced to watch as a stranger takes the wheel and crashes the car. So much frustration, so much hurt, and it’s all coming out right now, onto you. Peter already regrets this entire interaction, but still, he manages to spit acid. 

“Stop caring. Just leave, I know you want to. I know every night, you lie awake and think about all the different ways you can leave me in the dust. Not that it would matter to me.” This is another lie. Your eyes flash with hurt, but you stay put. You know he’s just being an asshole because he’s exhausted and too stubborn to admit that you’re right. He’s egging you on intentionally, trying to get you to snap and walk away. 

 “Peter, god, I love you but sometimes you can be so...”

“So what? C’mon, be honest with me,” He huffed. 

“Frustrating,” You surrendered. The poise you once held was gone. “I know it isn’t your fault-- I know you’ve trusted so many people so deeply and been betrayed or sold out and I know you’ve loved so many times and been thrown to the curb without a second thought. But I don’t know what I can do to convince you that I’m here for you, and that I love you. I’ve tried everything, and it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. I want to make this work, but I need you to work with me.” It’s evident in your voice that you’re desperate. You’re just hoping you’ll get through to him, somehow. “I need you to want it as bad as I do-- hell, I need you to want it at all.” Here it comes--

“You ever think, maybe, I just don’t want you to be that person for me? I’ve spent my life being independent, my entire existence so far has been built around the fact that I’m going to end up alone. People come and people go-- people like you and Charles-- and they tell me they care. They tell me that they love me and that they're here for me. And then they get tired of me and they leave. I wish that you would just leave me the fuck alone and let me live in solitude,” There it was. The lie to end all lies. The words tasted awful coming out of his mouth, and the whole ordeal left his mouth tasting very… sour. Peter had to look away, he couldn’t look at the expression on your face.

“Fine. If that’s what you want.” Your eyes never met his, but you paused before you exited the room. “I know you’re probably just… I don’t know, going through something, but you’re being an asshole. Don’t talk to me until you’ve sorted your shit out. Enjoy your solitude.” You left the room impossibly fast, your fists clenched so tightly Peter feared that your nails would break the skin on your palms. He struggled to keep it together-- why the fuck did he do that? 

Peter collapsed onto his bed, and it’s only then that he realized you left behind the gift you got him. A part of him thought he should return it to you, but the other part of him urged for it to be opened. He tore the wrapping paper off before he realized what he was doing. The hardcover book the wrapping paper concealed was handbound, the cover littered with your beautifully familiar handwriting. In big, bold letters The Best of Poetry in the Humble Opinion of Y/n L/n was scrawled at the top. 

Peter vividly remembers a late night you spent talking to him. You told him about your favorite poems, outlining each and every little detail you loved about them. Some of them he’d read already, some of them he hadn’t, but all of them sounded like artwork coming from you. He opened the front cover, and you’d written something else on the inside. 

“In the words of the wonderful Peter Maximoff, ‘What’s the point of reading if you don’t get to share the love?’. This is me, sharing the love.” 

Carefully, Peter opened to a random page in the book. He saw the notes in the margins and the doodles and the exclamation points and before he knew it Peter was on the verge of tears. He was barely containing himself, and then he read a specific annotation you made. 

He had opened to the first page of “The Worm King’s Lullaby”, one of your all-time favorites. A specific line was underlined, one that Peter was all too familiar with: “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” Beside it, you wrote:

“As much of a genius Mr. Siken is, I have to disagree with this. If you love someone enough, you’ll never leave them and they’ll never leave you. Even if they die, even if things don’t work out, you’ll always have a little part of them to carry with you. Carry this part of me with you, Peter. Not that I plan on leaving anytime soon.” 

That was it. The floodgates broke. Everything that Peter had held back came pouring out-- the past 10 minutes finally caught up with him, and they hit him like a bus. He sat in the corner of his bedroom, his knees pulled up to his chest so tightly he thought his legs would snap. Peter wanted to rip all his hair out or punch a hole in the wall or hold his head underwater until he was nothing but an obituary and a headstone. His chest burned and the pit of despair inside his chest had overtaken his system, and he hated himself with a burning passion. Why did he do that? Why did he do that? Why the fuck did he do that?

Peter Maximoff had his breakdown in solitude, revealing in the fact that he was, undeniably, the villain of his own life.

4.

As it turns out, ‘getting his shit together’ is much harder than Peter originally anticipated. He's trying, he really is, but it's hard. Especially without you there. Peter knows that he fucked up, and he knows that he needs to work for your forgiveness. And don’t worry, he’s going to work for it. 

It had only been a week, but the entire mansion could tell that something was off. Life just wasn’t the same without the randomized gusts of wind that would knock people off their feet; no one had been seriously injured or had something stolen from them. The whirlwind that was mansion life, while still chaotic, lost it’s fun. 

Charles tried to keep things running smoothly, but he was an old man and didn’t exactly understand you and Peter. People would knock on your door every now and then, but you didn’t answer. You were much too busy analyzing exactly how much of a bitch you were being-- realistically, the answer is 0%, but you didn’t see it that way. No, from your perspective, you saw Peter having a mental breakdown and you ditched him. Pretty shitty move.

What you didn’t realize was that Peter was doing the exact same thing, however, the blame falls mostly on his shoulders, and boy does he know it. He’s been scripting his grand apology, trying desperately to find the right words to express exactly how sorry he is. Peter was never very good with words-- it’s always too hard to know if you’re going to say the wrong thing and mess everything up. Although, it’s hard to see how the scenario could get any worse.

He made the executive decision to start with “I’m sorry”-- a solid start to any apology. Sure, he could stop there, but Peter realized that he’d probably need more to win back his partner. So, he managed to scribble down a few more lines on a tiny notecard he was supposed to use for studying. Oh, what a wondrous redemption arc this would be; Peter gets into a fight with his wonderful partner and ruins their relationship and then struggles to come up with a coherent apology. 

“I’m sorry about what I said, that was shitty. I shouldn’t have said that.” Peter’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration. God, he was going to die alone, wasn’t he? Maybe this is the cruel punishment the world is dealing to him, the universe is deciding that Peter’s redemption arc would be better if it, well, didn’t exist. Even so, he isn’t planning on giving up or giving in just yet. 

He scrapped what he had so far and started at the beginning once again. His 9th grade english teacher would tell him to write about what he knows, and though he doesn’t know much, he’s an expert when it comes to himself. Peter knows how he feels about you, he knows how sorry he is, and he knows that he really, really, really wants you to know that he didn’t mean a word he said about not wanting you. Peter knows about love, at least a little bit, and he realizes he’ll need more than just words.  

His mind drifts to that night, years ago, in front of the fireplace. He vividly remembers a tiger lily and a chameleon scribbled in the margins of your book. Realistically, Peter couldn’t get his hands on a chameleon, but a tiger lily was a different story. In high school, Peter took a botany course because he thought it’d be easy. It wasn’t, it was boring as all hell, but it seems like his slacking paid off. He knew tiger lilies were indigenous to Asia, but they’d become quite common along New England-area roadways. 

Peter grabbed his jacket and took off, tearing through the roads like his life depended on it. In less than 10 minutes, Peter found himself in the middle of New Hampshire drenched in rain. In hindsight, he probably should’ve checked the weather before leaving. Nevertheless, he takes off into the small wooded area that laid passed the road’s end. Dozens of mushrooms dotted the muddy ground and mossy rocks clouded his peripheral vision. The rain begins to lighten as he spots a bright orange tiger lily peeking through the remains of a tree stump. He sprints over to it.

The tiger lily is bloomed and beautiful and Peter can’t tear his eyes away from the wide array of speckles and splotches and color. It’s pristine, but some of the petals are torn or wilting. The roots stretch into the stump below it, and Peter leans closer. The stump is old and worn, fungi and bugs eat away at the base next to a large hole where a family of worms reside. The stump is ugly, sure, but it’s useful. It helps keep the bugs fed and keeps the worms warm. There’s a metaphor here somewhere, but Peter is too distracted to find it. 

He gently picks the flower and spins on his heel, taking off once again. The rain makes it harder to run, but it’ll take a lot more than water to stop Peter. By the time Peter gets back to Xavier’s the flower is a little crushed, but it’s still somewhat pristine. 

He has the flower, he has the apology, and now all he needs is courage. Thankfully, that courage comes quickly as he instinctively knocks on your bedroom door. He probably should’ve stopped to collect himself, but he was riding a wave of adrenaline that wouldn’t come back. 

“Go away, Jean,” You called from inside. You sounded tired, and it made Peter sad. 

“It’s-- uh-- it’s not Jean,” Peter can hear your hesitant footsteps approaching the door, and suddenly the courage he managed to build up drained. His hands are shaking by the time you open the door. You look up at him, and Peter looks back at you, and suddenly everything is much harder to do. He looks down at his feet. 

“Hi.” Your voice is hoarse, but clear. 

“Hi.” Peter’s voice is uneven and quiet. You stand there in silence for a minute before Peter pipes up again.

“So, uh, you’re probably still mad at me and I get that, but I just want you to hear me out. I-If that’s okay,” You nod slowly, and Peter takes a deep breath. He thinks about the written apology that sat in his coat pocket, and he makes the last-minute decision to forget about it. He’ll speak from the heart, or, whatever people in rom-coms do. 

“I’m sorry. It was really shitty of me to get angry at you because you were worried about me-- although, I guess shitty is an understatement. Everything that I said about, yknow, not wanting you or Charles or anyone else around anymore wasn’t true. I need you guys, and I love you guys and it was unfair of me to push you away. Solitude really sucks. I guess I’m just not very good at navigating relationships,” He exhales, and his chest shudders. “I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore, I just thought I should make it clear how I feel.” It’s only then that he remembers about the tiger lily in his hand. “Oh, and this is for you.”

“A tiger lily?” you smiled softly. “These are my favorite-- how did you know?”

“I’m just observant, I guess. You usually draw them when you’re bored, I figured you’d like to see one in person,” You gently took the tiger lily in your hand. The silence that hung in the air was deafening, and Peter realized that was probably a bad sign. His chest drops just a bit, and he takes a small step backwards.

“I guess I should probably leave you alone--” Peter can’t get very far, because you immediately jump forward and wrap your arms around him. Eyes wide and heart pounding, you can feel Peter’s arms lock around your waist. 

“Thank you,” You whispered. “Please don’t go.” Peter was smiling so hard his cheeks ached, and a horrible weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The close-contact was refreshing; he didn’t realize how much he missed it until that moment. He was pretty sure he would never, ever let you go. Not again.

5.

To Peter Maximoff, physical affection has always been a touchy subject-- that is, until you came along. You proved to him that he deserved physical affection, that his mutation and his personality and weirdo quirks didn’t make him lesser or unlovable. Peter Maximoff deserved love, and you were the one who never failed to love him. 

You sat on a wooden chair in front of the fireplace, reading to the group of children sitting at your feet. The emotional lines of “Snow and Dirty Rain” fell from your lips, and with every turning syllable the small group would listen just a little bit closer. Peter did, too, desperately trying to hear every single word you said. Class was almost over, and once the students were dismissed you’d probably stop reading.

“I made this place for you. A place for you to love me. If this isn't a kingdom then I don't know what is,” Your eyes tore away from the page to look at the kids at your feet. They fell upon Peter, and a smile erupted on your face. 

Peter vaguely recalls the twisted idea of love that he held as a teenager. He thought love was a dragon to be defeated, a battle that could be won or lost. It’s clear now that love is the opposite-- it isn’t a fight or a battle or a thing to be conquered. It’s more like a flower; it needs to be cherished and cared for in order to grow. Sometimes the flower wilts and dies, and that’s natural, but sometimes the flower lasts for a lifetime. 

Love wasn’t a dragon or a knight, it didn’t have a hero or a villain; it was much more like a tiger lily and a tree stump.

[moonbaby26]

Title: Diamond in the Rough

Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Reader

Summary: Continuation from last chapter. You and the others get some more down time in your last day and night on the ship together. Reader talks about some sensitive things with Peter, culminating in more bonding and fluff at the end.

Warnings: Some cursing, mentions of sex and arousal. Nothing explicit though.

Chapters: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Taglist: @drikawinchester , @n0obmaster69 , @alexloveskili , @what-a-silver-lining , @bluesprings18 , @weakmoony-stuff , @slytherinsi-mp , @wintwrsoldiwr , @tommy-braccoli , @amourtentiaa , @cringingmemeries , @bi-panicatthe-disco , @himbos-are-my-lifeblood , @simp4mcuwomen

Peter Maximoff x Reader Masterlist

—————————

“So you really weren’t going to tell me that you just said ‘screw it, peace out, guys!’, and pulled the sacrifice card to throw yourself out of a plane?”

Peter’s voice carried through the barracks as he looked at you like you were the crazy one for once.

“Well...it was in the middle of crashing at the time.” You countered, much quieter by comparison and looking to Jean or Kurt for any help here. Some of you were sitting on the floor, others on the beds, roughly in a circle as you talked.

But Kurt only piped up to make it worse. “Yes, I did not like that at all. Next time we must find another way. I thought too that you’d chosen to go down with the plane so we could escape, (Y/N).”

“But you can fly right? None of us could fly.” Scott butted in a bit unexpectedly though, on your side of the argument no less.

“(Y/N) can levitate like me.” Jean corrected. “The flying is newer though, not yet perfected.” She smiled at you then in a way that told you she wasn’t about to let you back out of getting credit for that risk taken in Egypt. “You still hit the ground, hard.” She added. “I went back in your mind to make sure you’d made it after we teleported.”

The others all looked at you, and you tried not to lose your nerve. “My energy field was still up though when I hit. That’s the important part...”

“I mean I could jump off a building with a helmet on, I’m pretty sure it still wouldn’t work out for my head.” Peter retorted, though with a very self aware look before he finished. “And no, that’s not what’s wrong with me.”

Scott actually laughed at that, which surprised both you and Peter at least. Maybe he was different when alone with Jean, but in front of the group he’d stayed fairly no nonsense since Egypt. Though who could blame him for being a bit uptight after all he’d been through recently.

“We did all get pretty wrecked.” Peter admitted after a moment though. “Thanks for the save, Jean. Up top.” He held his hand up in front of her to signal for a high five.

She obliged, but a bit half heartedly. “I had the Professor in my head though, egging me on. He helped me unlock that. But I still couldn’t have done anything if you all hadn’t held that guy in place for that long for me. He just would have escaped.”

“I wonder what happened to the woman?” Kurt considered. “Do you think she learned her lesson too?”

“I doubt it,” Ororo answered then. “We called her Psylocke. But she just wanted to be more powerful. I don’t think she’d care now about who we hurt.” She looked at all of you at that. “I am sorry...if I hadn’t said well enough before. I thought he wanted to make the world better for us, but he didn’t. He really did just want to control everyone, human and mutant alike. I was wrong.”

Scott shrugged. “You figured it out by the time it really mattered.”

“And he probably just would have tried to kill you if you’d shown disloyalty any sooner than that,” You agreed.

“Can’t stay mad at anybody with a sick mohawk like that anyway.” Peter commented too, clearly admiring her hair.

Ororo chuckled. “If I’d known other mutants like you all before, things likely would have been a lot different.”

“Well you know us now.” Jean offered.

“Yes, I’m new here too,” Kurt added. “There’s a lot to learn. I’m glad Raven found me as well to bring me to the school. I never had mutant friends either in the circus.”

“Woah, wait. You were in a circus? Like the whole bit? Elephants and clowns and stuff?” Peter turned his head to look at him, curiosity easily peaked.

“Ja.” Kurt replied.

As those two went off into a separate conversation about whether or not there’d been bearded ladies, strong men, and the like in the Bavarian circus, you just looked back to Jean.

“We’ll definitely have a lot to catch up on when we get home. You think Jubilee is going to be mad that she missed all the action?” You asked, only half joking.

“Oh man,” Jean conceded. “She’ll be all over us wanting details.”

But her next words surprised you a little as her voice so easily transitioned just into your mind afterward for privacy, her lips no longer moving.

“You know as soon as she finds out you met someone, she’s going to go nuts wanting details about Peter.”

You could only look at her for a moment. It was such a strange thing to consider. This had all happened so fast. But with her bringing up that point, it was the first time you’d really thought about what it would be like to potentially introduce him to other friends of yours back home, to try and communicate what he meant to you already.

Could you call him your boyfriend? Would you say you were dating? He’d already called himself that label, but did that mean you could say it? Would the others even believe it was possible to feel these things for someone you’d only known such a short time? Would they think you were naive, or just caught up in the whirlwind of the moment and that this would all fade?

“Hey, relax. I wasn’t trying to send you into a tailspin.” Jean’s mental voice broke back through that wave of anxious thoughts. “I haven’t known Scott for very long either. If anyone wants to waste energy judging us, I would say that’s their problem.”

“Yeah,” You just answered then, remembering you still needed to respond in a way that made sense to the last thing she’d actually said out loud, about Jubilee. But you went quiet afterward, letting the others steer the conversation to new things as you all continued just trying to pass the time.

It wasn’t too very long later though when you’d had another visitor to the barracks. You were all a bit surprised to see Moira walk in, noticeably without the Professor and carrying something in her hands.

“Some new brass arrived today, or officials I mean. They wanted to speak to Charles themselves.” She said quickly, obviously realizing by your looks that you were all wondering the same thing of where he was. “But I wanted to come by and take care of this for the ones that needed pictures.”

As she spoke, she raised up the thing in her hands as if that should also be some clear explanation for her purpose here. It still took you a moment honestly to realize it for what it was, accompanied by what she’d said.

“For your licenses and passports that we’re printing.” She clarified anyway before continuing, the polaroid camera in her hands. “You two,” She pointed at you and Peter, and then at Raven. “And you. You already had valid driver’s licenses. We’ll reuse those photos for a new license and passport. Charles wanted everyone to have both, as you’ll still need to travel within the U.S. as well once we’re back. The rest of you I need current photos of.”

The thought of Peter actually taking the time to get a driver’s license seemed pretty absurd when he could travel anywhere much faster on foot, but before you could ask him anything, Hank was speaking up.

“But I already had a license and a passport,” Hank responded in some confusion.

Moira looked a little awkward, but still answered kindly. “But the pictures were of you before. It won’t match how you look right now for us to get back into the country.”

Raven snickered and Hank shot her an unamused look.

“Uh, but I can’t take off my glasses. You want me to take it with my eyes closed?” Scott asked dryly, though it was a legitimate question.

Belatedly you realized this also meant he’d been completely prepared to drive one of the Professor’s cars illegally then, before you’d asserted yourself to be the one to drive you all to the mall that day. This was a mental note you’d have to save for later.

“Glasses on is fine. We’ll note it as a medical exemption.” Moira answered easily, though already looking for a spot to have them stand against. “And this might actually be better to do in the hallway, if you could- Hey!” Her hands were abruptly empty, as she startled, then looking around.

You blinked after the flash that came almost simultaneously. A hand squeezed your shoulder before Peter pulled back away, the stolen camera in his other hand as the photo began to eject from it.

“I thought you couldn’t move like that with your leg,” Moira chided, now realizing what had happened. “And that thing isn’t mine to break, just so we’re clear.”

“You’re like three feet away, I don’t have to run if I can just lean over and grab it.” Peter responded smoothly, pulling the photo out before offering her back the camera. “So what, that thing is CIA issue? If I push the wrong button is it going to laser me or something?”

“No.” She huffed. But didn’t look as if she wished to extend the conversation any further to get drug into this right now. She just motioned for the others to follow her into the hall as she then turned away. “Come on, guys. We’ll try to make this quick.”

Peter didn’t seem to mind either way, just putting his attention back to the photo he was now holding as if it were a prize. “What do you think?” He asked you after a moment, the image becoming more and more visible as the film developed.

You saw yourself there, though surprisingly not a terrible image considering you hadn’t even been prepared. Your expression in the photo was simply neutral, glancing elsewhere even as Peter’s smile was wide and bright, him leaning in with his face almost touching yours in the photograph.

“I’ve taken worse,” you said truthfully, but then looked back to him, amused at his seeming satisfaction with it. You wondered if he was actually planning on keeping the photo, instead of it just being a little joke. Wouldn’t he rather a better one at least?

“What?” He questioned, seeing your expression. He flicked the photo gently. “It proves you’re real if anyone asks later.”

“Why would you have to prove...” But you ended up just smiling, and gave up before you even really started, seeing how happy he still looked. “If you want a picture together, I’m sure she’d let us take another if we asked. You know, if we asked nicely, and didn’t just steal her camera this time.”

“I like this one.” He insisted though, holding onto it regardless. “It really looks like you.”

“Um...wouldn’t I always look like me?” You asked quizzically.

“It’s real,” He tried to explain. “Natural? If we took another you’d just smile on purpose.”

You still didn’t fully understand. He was smiling in the picture after all. But to his point maybe, he did look almost giddy in the photo. Not something you would be able to replicate on command. “Okay.” You said, fine either way. “If you like that best.”

“There is something I think I’m going to ask Moira anyway though when she comes back,” He admitted.

It wasn’t very long either until you were able to find out what that was.

When the others did start to file back in after taking their pictures in the hallway, Moira had just leaned in the doorway briefly to thank them. “We’ll have these made up in time for tomorrow for your travel documents, thank you.”

She was already turning to leave again before Peter stopped her.

He cocked his head, piping up. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

She did pause, but her look back at him was slightly wary. Likely not knowing if this would be more humor or not. “Yes?”

He didn’t mess around though this time, just getting to the point outright. “Do you think you could send somebody to my Mom’s house? You know, just to say everything’s cool and I’ll be home soon? She’s probably losing her mind right now.”

Moira’s expression changed fully at that, empathy going to the forefront. “Of course. Yes. What’s her name? Her address?”

That mood faded just as quickly though as he raised his eyebrows, teasing. “Well shouldn’t the CIA know that?”

She sighed. Staring at him as the annoyed look returned.

“You’re so serious,” Peter smirked. “Magda Maximoff, suburbs outside D.C.” He rattled off a street address afterward, but still continued, “We’re in the phonebook anyway. Prof.’s been there too, he’d know.”

“We’ll look it up.” She agreed. “See you guys later.”

With that she was gone. The rest of you settled back, just sitting and talking again. And you’d gone off with Peter down by your beds after a while. Just the two of you again.

You’d realized obviously before now by their interactions that the Professor had met Peter at some point previous to his coming to the mansion the other day. But like so many things, in the rush of everything, you hadn’t learned much more.

“So Xavier’s been to your house. Was he trying to recruit you for the school?” You asked, honestly just curious. Though it was a little disappointing to consider you may have had a chance to meet Peter much sooner if he’d accepted any kind of invitation like that then.

You had been sitting on the bottom bunk together again, but he leaned back behind you now, stretching before putting his arms behind his head. He pulled his legs and cast awkwardly back up into the bed as you shifted to try and let him get how he wanted.

He looked pretty content though as he lowered an arm back to put it across your lap. “Well that was years ago. He had hair, he was walking. He didn’t want me for your little private school though. He just wanted me to help them spring my dad from the Pentagon...but I don’t think he knew it was my dad either then. It was all Logan’s plan to bring me. Really I didn’t find out much else. These dudes just showed up at my house, and I went with them to commit a felony.” He shrugged a little. “Probably not that smart, right? But I didn’t have anything else cool to do that day I guess.”

You wondered how much of that story Xavier would really tell you if you asked one day. You could only imagine what reasoning someone like the Professor would have to do something so brazen, even if it was to help Erik. Especially when Xavier had always preached to you all the importance of staying within the law and not using your powers to exploit any rules that would apply to non mutants. For now, you only asked a little bit more though. “How many people actually came to your house to do that then?”

“Oh, it was just three. Prof., Hank, and Logan.”

Well that made it even more interesting really. Hank was also so well known for always following the rules. But then again, he also was one of Xavier’s longest friends, like Raven and Erik. They’d all known each other since many years ago.

But this was the second time Peter had said this name of ‘Logan’. Shouldn’t you know that name? Well yes, you knew at least one. You couldn’t forget the name Jean had told you back in Stryker’s base. The man who’d gone on a rampage, though also cutting you violently from your own restraints before he’d escaped. Honestly you might even have scars from that when this was all said and done. But the name in and of itself wasn’t that unusual of a name. And what Peter was talking about apparently occurred years ago.

“I don’t think I know a Logan,” You said honestly. “Was he a mutant too?”

“Oh hell yeah,” Peter answered, raising up a closed fist. He made a noise, and a motion you didn’t understand as if he was doing something in midair with his fist, before adding. “Three big claws come shooting out this dude’s hand. It was so gross, but badass.”

You stared, the realization finally hitting hard. It couldn’t be a coincidence then. “Peter!” You exclaimed abruptly. There was just no way they were two different people. It was too unique of a mutation. “That’s the guy!”

“Huh?” He looked up at you in surprise. Confused at your sudden excitement.

“The one from the base! Didn’t Jean tell you?” Without thought, you lifted your shirt enough to show him those long claw marks still red across your stomach. They were dry now, already trying to heal. But it was three in a row, still clear as day. “The guy that tore through all those soldiers and freed me, she told me that his name was Logan.”

“She didn’t tell me that.” Peter stammered slightly, definitely caught off guard as you’d raised your shirt. “She just said to expect you to be bloody when I went looking for you.” He was staring at your exposed skin now though. “So Logan did that?”

You tensed slightly as you felt his fingertips graze your abdomen. It wasn’t unpleasant, just a bit unexpected. You lowered your shirt back down, but noticed obviously when he just let his hand stay under it.

When you didn’t show further aversion to the touch though, his hand continued idly wandering on the skin that was unbroken. “Well damn, that’s super screwed up then. I know they said a guy went full rage mode and tore the place up. And yeah, I saw the bodies he left when I went looking for you. But they didn’t say his name. I didn’t see him either before he took off.”

“It has to be the same person.” You reiterated. “But if you really want to be sure, you can always think of those memories of him, the Logan that you knew. If you let Jean look into your thoughts later, she could tell you for certain if it was him.

Peter looked a little disconcerted, but just agreed anyway. “Yeah, sure. I just, man how long did they have him there then? What a dick that Stryker guy was. Fuck him.”

But after the little bit of anger, he was only looking back at you. That thought of Stryker seeming to also remind him of your initial meeting with him. “How’s your ribs?”

You felt his fingers trail up across them at the question. “Sore,” You admitted. “But what isn’t?”

His voice was quieter then though, his hand moving back down before it reached your chest. “Then don’t jump out of any more planes please.”

You paused, wondering if he really was so bothered about that to have brought it up again. You’d all played so fast and loose that day though, doing whatever you felt you had to do. “It was a big day of firsts that’s for sure.”

“No kidding.” He agreed.

And nothing was ever going to be the same again was it? Even when you were all home again and the mansion was finally rebuilt. Were you all just going to go back to class like you hadn’t almost died? Would you just pretend that you didn’t know there were still entities out there that wanted you dissected, destroyed, or both?

“I think it gave the Professor a lot to think about too.” Is what you finally said. “I feel like he’s going to change some things going forward. But I don’t know how much yet. I don’t know if this could really mean the resurrection of the X-Men.” It was a crazy thought. Xavier and Hank never really liked to talk about that part of their past. They’d lost a lot then, or at least that’s always what you’d inferred from the bits and pieces you had heard over the years.

“X-Men...” Peter repeated, making a face like he wasn’t sure if it was a decent name or not. “Guess it’d still be better than being called Charlie X’s Angels or something like that.”

You smirked. “You know they used to all have codenames too.” Though you were sure not all of them were self named. “Xavier was just Professor X, Hank was Beast, Raven was Mystique, Scott’s brother Alex was Havok, your dad was Magneto of course. But there was Banshee, Darwin, and Tempest as well.”

He gave you a contemplative look. “Can I call you Lite-Brite then?”

Your look must have clearly said no, but he just kept going, very amused at your reaction.

“Glo-Worm?” He offered instead.

“Seriously? You’d name me after a bug?”

“Nah, they’ve got these super cute toy ones. Wanda had one. She slept with that thing all the time. They glow when you hug them.” He was grinning again now. “I mean, you’re comforting too right? Think I could make you glow?”

“I don’t think it works that way.” But honestly you might be lying to save face as he was now rubbing his hand further up into your shirt again.

“Don’t we all lose a little control when we get excited?” He countered, his tone getting a little more dangerous. “I know I do.”

You felt that statement was likely a bit of a trap, hesitating as your curiosity swelled. What could happen with his powers if he did have an uncontrolled moment like that? He was likely right though. Just like the onset of mutant powers came for most of you around the same time as puberty, they could also be triggered by intense emotions or stress. So it was reasonable to think that another powerful feeling such as arousal could also lead to some issues for those of you already less experienced in controlling yourselves.

“Brings a whole new meaning to safe sex doesn’t it?” He said as he let go of you then, putting his hands back behind his head. He still looked too amused, even though he seemed to sense when you needed another break from the touching to process your own thoughts.

“Did that happen with her?” You asked though. Not afraid, but yes, maybe some concern in your expression. You really hadn’t considered any of this before.

His smile faded at the unexpected mention of Crystal again. But he only hesitated a little, looking at you as he answered honestly. “Sometimes. She uh, burnt me a couple times. In the literal sense. She was like the band, Earth, Wind, and Fire. I mean she could control water too, but I liked the band joke better.” He frowned slightly. “She always hated that joke though.”

“Did you do anything to her?” You responded quietly before you could think better of it. Was this really any of your business? No, not really. But, it could be a part of your future.

There was a little surprise in his eyes, but his answer was immediate. “Babe, I’m the last person you’d ever have to be afraid of.” He looked bothered still as he continued though. “And no, I never hurt her. She would have knocked me into next week if I had.”

“So what does happen if you lose control that way?” You still asked, deciding you still did want to know.

He gave you an awkward look. But if he was going to offer out this information, it seemed there was going to at least be a small price for it. “If I’m really riled up? Turned on? You can say it outright you know.”

You weren’t going to say it in any more explicit way than that though, but you nodded at least. “Yes, you know what I mean.”

He sighed at your modesty, but reached out his hand after a moment. “Let me see your wrist then. Way easier just to show you.”

Well, if it was anything dangerous, he wouldn’t be so casual about it would he? You did offer him your wrist, not knowing what to expect as he clasped his hand around it.

You could tell he was focusing on something for just a moment, before the oddest sensation you’d ever felt shot from your wrist, down into your fingertips, and all the way up into your shoulder before you jerked your hand back in surprise.

Your reaction didn’t seem to faze him at all though as he’d easily let you go. It looked like you’d only done exactly as he expected. “You’ll still feel it for a bit after, just so you know.”

And you could still feel it, fading but definitely there as you flexed your fingers. “What did you do?” It wasn’t painful, but it was like a tingling, instantaneous whenever he’d done it. Not just through the skin, but into the bone, the muscle, everything. The only thing you could liken it to at all is when a limb woke up from being asleep, yet it wasn’t as uncomfortable as that and it was far deeper.

“Well you asked what happens if I get too excited. I, uh, vibrate?” He tried to call it something without really knowing what to call it. “I’m no science guy, but I’d guess it moves everything I’m touching down to what, the atoms right? So that’s what you’d feel. But it wouldn’t just be from my hand. I was doing it on purpose there. If it wasn’t on purpose it’d be literally all of me doing it.”

So that would mean, well...that would be a very intense sensation to say the least if you would happen to be having skin to skin contact in more places than one when he would accidentally do that. You tried not to let your expression change much at the realization. The last thing you wanted to do was to throw this very personal dialog further down into the gutter.

“I still think you’d glow though.” He added confidently. “And if your energy deal is always as warm as it was in that elevator shaft back at the base, I think it’d feel really good too. Just for the record.”

Yes, this was definitely teetering on that edge of going fully into a place you weren’t ready for just yet. But you only had yourself to blame. You asked him to elaborate, and he did. You knew your powers could be a lot more than harmless though. Much more than warmth. You didn’t know if it’d be too pessimistic to mention that right now though.

“I don’t know what I would do.” You finally said, just speaking the truth when you didn’t know what else to say.

“We can talk about something else you know if you want.” He poked you gently in the arm, seemingly offering you an escape route if you wished to take it. “Like we’re still going to the mall at some point right?”

“Definitely.” You answered gladly.

“You should come over too, play some video games when we get back. I’ve got an Atari and a Nintendo. Or we could watch a movie. You like Bruce Lee? Karate Kid? Stuff like that?”

The genuine eagerness emerging in his tone was something you really appreciated. A reminder that in reality, even though he evidently enjoyed any physical contact he was allowed to have with you, it was only a part of the whole picture. He just wanted to be around you too.

“Yes, I think that’d be awesome. I haven’t seen many of those movies, but usually Jubilee picks for movie night. Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles...over and over.”

He laughed. “Oh, no way. There’s more to life than Molly Ringwald. Time to expand your horizons!”

You were smiling too, about to say something back when Scott’s voice carried from further down the barracks.

“Hey, they brought dinner if either of you want to eat!”

“But is it even worth a crap!?” Peter called back immediately and just as loudly.

“Heck if I know!” Scott answered and you could swear you heard a lot less loud Jean tell him to quit yelling in her ear.

“I’m still salty about that fake strawberry garbage from earlier.” Peter said, just to you then as he sat back up.

It wasn’t much of a surprise to you though that the food would be brought to you all this time, considering the episode in the mess hall before. The only thing that did surprise you was that it would already be dinner time. Though it was hard to have much concept of time right now really, especially when there were no windows to see the sun or sky below deck.

But it did give it more of that prison feel too. The hours running together, locked away in close quarters, and now with government mandated food being dropped off impersonally. It either felt like prison or being in a rare species exhibit at the zoo.

“Well, you said you’re like a hummingbird metabolism wise, right? You have to eat something.” You spoke, while hanging back to give Peter a chance to get up on his crutches.

Really the hummingbird analogy you were liking more and more though as you personally thought they were adorable, and they literally were the bird equivalent to him in your opinion. This flamboyant little bird that beat its wings so fast it could actually hover in place or disappear in a blur once they did decide to take off. Not to mention the exclusive high sugar diet.

“Glo-Worm,” Was all he replied back, but very pleased when it still got a strong reaction from you.

“Please don’t make that one stick. It’s a lot less cute than Hummingbird.”

But he just offered a non-committal smile, walking past you. “We’ll see.”

——————————

Some few hours later, when it was time for lights out again, Peter had wanted to take a shower so you were already in the bottom bunk alone.

You tried to stay awake to wait for him, but you must have already been asleep for how bad you startled when you felt something pressing down against the mattress beside you.

And when you shot up, you were even more confused at the sudden pressure against the top of your head before you finally woke up enough to realize Peter now had his hand splayed there, pushing your head back a little.

“Woah,” He whispered in the dark. “You about nailed the top of the bunk. It’s just me.”

You relaxed, trying to look at him before you felt him let go, laying down beside you. As you laid down as well, he shifted several times, trying to get comfortable.

“I hate this damn cast.” He complained. “Do you know how weird it is to have to shower with a garbage bag tied around your leg?”

You could feel his still wet hair though on the pillow as he nuzzled in closer with you. You’d both joked a little earlier about looking forward to getting to share this bed one more time tonight before heading back to the U.S. and your sort of more normal lives tomorrow. The emphasis of the joking though had been about getting to continue the kissing that had been interrupted on the flight deck.

But now that you were here, you found you really just wanted to hold him and enjoy the warmth and quiet together. Because you didn’t know when this chance would come again. Would you go your separate ways tomorrow? You back to New York and wherever the other displaced students were now staying, and him back to D.C. to reunite with his mother? He wouldn’t be able to run and come to find you again until his cast was off. And how many weeks would that take, even with mutant healing factors?

You didn’t really know what the exact plan was after you’d arrive in the U.S. either, but maybe there was something you could do after all. “Hey.” You said quietly after a bit, hoping he was still awake.

“Mmm?” He made a questioning noise, hugging a bit tighter to you.

You took it as enough response to say that he was listening. “So they said that we’re landing in New Jersey tomorrow, right? Well everyone else is going to want to go north to get back to Salem Center, New York.” You didn’t really need to clarify where the school had been though, he’d obviously already found it. “But you’ll need to go south to get back to D.C., and it’s not like Xavier is going to expect you to find your own way home. Someone’s going to have to drive you and-”

But Peter didn’t even let you finish, already very on board with the idea. “And we give Prof. the old puppy eyes and beg for it to be you.” You knew he was grinning again then just by his tone. “I like it. Road trip.”

You felt relief that he approved of your spur of the moment plan, but then again he’d already said he wanted you to come over to his house sometime. You wouldn’t be able to stay very long you were sure, but at least you’d get the car ride together if this all worked out. And you’d get to see where he lived, maybe even hang out for a little while before having to drive back to New York.

It was funny how just like that you now had something to look forward to again. But would Xavier really be on board? Would he feel comfortable letting you drive back alone? You’d just have to convince him that you were old enough now and capable.

“I guess I should have cleaned my room a little better before I left.” Peter mused. “Can be a bit of a train wreck, just like the dude that lives in it.”

“Oh, someone else lives there too?” You teased slightly.

But Peter only played along. “Yeah, a real piece of work. Guy just plays video games all day, and wears out the same shitty records playing them over and over with the volume up. Maybe reads some comic books or jets off to nab some Twinkies from the convenience store down the block. Real outstanding citizen. I heard he’s dating now though. Who the hell would want that charity project?”

“Hmm.” You knew he was only half joking, Peter really still seeing himself in the way he just described to a large degree. But you were patient, and determined to keep working on building his self confidence little by little. “I think if he met someone then, it’d be someone who believes in the old ‘diamond in the rough’ expression. They must really just like him for him. They probably even see his real value even when he can’t yet.”

Peter was quiet for a few moments at that before you felt him run a hand through your hair. “I guess that would make him really lucky then. He probably should bust his ass to make sure he doesn’t disappoint them then and screw that one up.”

You smiled softly. “All he has to do is be himself. If you have to fight too hard just to maintain a relationship, it likely was never right to begin with.”

“Been there, done that.” He at least agreed, but was now running his fingers down along your face.

You knew what he was hoping for and leaned in to meet him as you kissed. It was very soft though, like he was still thinking of what you’d said. He didn’t press for much more either, just a few more kisses before he nuzzled his face back down against you.

“I’m still going to do the best I can.” He spoke quietly against your neck. “I want you to be happy.”

“I am.” You said. Feeling every bit of those words as you stayed warm against one another. It felt safe. It felt right.

And no one said anything else. You were both content to leave it that way, falling asleep just as you were.

———————————

(Continued in next chapter here)

[beeroses]

Keyed Up

@lilacyennefer​

@write-it-motherfuckers​

^ Thanks to these two blogs for the prompt. It got the writing motor going! And kudos on the gif to the owner, it is not mine! Nor are Tig and the Sons, which I voluntarily relinquish to Kurt Sutter and his brilliant, twisted mind!

Warnings: Language and a lot of not-so-subtle Tig 

Story based on this prompt below : 

Living in Charming wasn’t Plan A. By God, it wasn’t even plan H. Yet, that’s where Y/N’s been living for the last year and a half and it has been most probably the best year ever. Between working 2 jobs and handling, well, let’s be fair, an entire kindergarten of adult bikers, life’s been busy but quite bright and fulfilling. Handing up hanging around the Sons has been a series of happy coincidences that went from meeting them at the diner you worked at to helping bartending on busy weekends at the Clubhouse to them bluntly asking that you helped with bookkeeping. Starting first with the garage, you became quite aware of what was going on around the lot but got no details. But when you started doing the books from the club, they couldn’t hide you their activities anymore. Instead of fleeing, like they thought you would, you actually found a way to possibly care about them anymore. Instead of the whole thing scaring you, it actually got you very protective of them and more scared of them getting hurt than you getting mixed in the very bloody scene they played on. 

One Son brought a side of you that you didn’t know existed, before meeting him : something along the lines of a momma bear with her cub or a giant mountain gorilla with his offspring. The question remained though as to which came first? Did you start worrying about Tig more because of much he knew just how to put himself in the worst possible scenarios? Or did you over exaggerate the actual amount of danger surrounding the man? One way or another, although you always made sure everyone was alright, you paid extra attention for any kind of scratches or heavy bleeding on Tig. 

- We’re off on a run for a couple of days, Sweetheart, will you be able to come keep an eye on the garage, Jax asked you. 

- Of course, have some books to finish up anyways and it’s gonna be so damn peaceful without all of you around to bother me! 

- You do know you’re faking bothered and you’re not even good at it, right ? Tig asked you, smirking while making you blush slightly. 

- It’s not because Y/N answers your every needs and calls that you’re not a bother, Jax replied, rolling his eyes at the obvious manoeuvre Tig was trying to pull. 

- No, it’s because I’m Y/N’s favorite, he answered back, putting a very confident arm comfortably around your shoulders, pulling you to him, while your face felt so hot, an egg could’ve fried. 

You quickly got up, mumbling something to do on the something about something that you promised to something and disappeared in the other room. The boys were left chuckling about it and Tig was left wth a tingling all along his arm, where he held you. 

When the boys left, you finally showed yourself again to say goodbye and tell them that everything was under control. 

The hours and days ticked by painfully slowly while the Sons were off doing God knows what with God knows who. You managed to close a lot of books that were piling up but deeply missed the ruckus that the boys brought around the clubhouse : it made it alive. 

You did have many very decent qualities to you, but being the kind of person that always had a phone around in case of emergencies wasn’t one of them. Which meant, it often stayed on your bedside table or on the kitchen counter for the entire day, because ou forgot it there that morning. You always said it made you mysterious but for most, it just made you impossible to reach. Calendars have always been a big mess as well. Never fully knowing which day it is, you still always found yourself at the right place where you’re supposed to be. 

Leading to that evening. It was engraved in your memory that the boys were coming tomorrow therefore, obviously, they couldn’t be coming tonight, right? 

You went out with friends for an old-fashioned diner-movies-gossiping, which basically always ended in : When are you and Tig finally get together? And you desperately changing the subject, blushing and babbling about him being just a good friend, nothing more, just like the others. our friends laughing that you could actually believe yourself. 

The thing is, tomorrow would not be the day the boys arrived home because tonight was. And your cellphone may have been beeping and lightening up and ringing, the fact it was tuckered under a pillow on your couch made it absolutely impossible for you to notice it. 

You came home fairly late that evening, fiddling with your keys when you heard loud noises coming from the inside of your house. Panicked, you took  a flower pot from your porch and slowly unlock the door and opened it. Peeking inside, you waited for indications as to where the sound was coming from. You heard nothing for a while and decided to go in slowly to try and found out what was going on. And then, coming out of your bedroom door with a baseball bat in his hands stood… Tig. Fucking. Trager. You put the flower pot down and opened the lights to see him bleeding from his arm and with a scratch on his head. 

- WHAT THE HELL TIGGY?? 

- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR 2 HOURS STRAIGHT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT YOUR CELLPHONE??

You blushed slightly, realizing your phone was left at home and the boys were actually worried about you. You took it from under the pillow and threw a shy smile at Tig. 

- Oops… Hey! Wait a minute. How did you actually get in?

You pushed pass him, ignoring the bleeding he had on his arm for another minute while you went to look at your bedroom window. You turned back at him and sighed, rolling your eyes in *faked* annoyance 

- You have got to stop breaking into my house.

He smiled coyly at you. 

- I wouldn’t have to if you’d just give me the keys, while throwing you a flirty wink. 

You grabbed his unhurt arm and dragged him to your bathroom where you could deal with his injuries. You forced him to take a seat and took upon yourself to find something to treat him. While you looked for alcohol swabs, he took his sweet time detailing your face, your eyes and your body in the nice clothes you decided to wear to go out. When you turned around, you saw his eyes glued to you and couldn’t help your blushing. You dealt with his minor injury quickly and threw all the stuff you used away. While your back was slightly turned to him, he grabbed your waist and pulled you on his lap. Feeling his breath on your neck and on the soft skin right behind your ear made you both giddy and very nervous. 

- I’m not kidding, if you’d just give me that key of yours… he murmured, lips close to your ear

- Tiggy, you just threw yourself through my bedroom window, I don’t think giving you the key would be safe, you mocked, trying to keep some kind of composure. 

- What if instead of crashing through your window, I wanted to come crash here, sometimes, he insisted teasingly, while you felt his nose in the crook of your neck and his hand on your thigh, making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

- Tig… you breathed out.

Hearing his name being said so close to a moan made him turn your head towards him and pull you into a steamy kiss. After a while (could’ve been a minute, could’ve been three hours, you really did suck with time), the two of you pulled away to try and catch a breath. You stood up, turned around and left the bathroom. Tig, left alone with wide eyes, started freaking out, thinking he went too far, too fast, again. But this time, he bit his tongue for pushing away someone he truly cares about. Panicked and wild-eyed, he gets up and starts following you to explain but bumps into you when he gets out of the bathroom. 

Standing there, with a crooked smile on your face, you grabbed his hand to pull him into another kiss while discreetly slipping your key in the hand you were holding. You felt him smile against your lips while he grabbed you to pull you even closer to him. 

Nothing needed to be said. He had your key and you had no certainty that he wouldn’t still break into your house just because. But you sure wouldn’t have it any other way, because he may had your key now, but you had him and it’s all that mattered. 

[pettyvxbes]

COLSON BAKER x READER - OCEAN EYES IV

BRIAN, JIMI, JANIS, KURT, AND. . .COLSON?

"Can we get two 16oz house drips, one black with two sugars and the other with two sugars and a splash of cream?" He ordered, remembering exactly how you took your coffee, even after all the time you'd been separated. It made you smile, knowing that you still occupied some space in his mind.

"So this is your coffee shop?" You asked, leaning against the side of the counter as you waited for your drinks.

"Yeah, I opened it last year. It turned out pretty cool." He smiled as he looked around the room. You could tell he was proud of it.

"It's badass" You agreed with him.

"If you're hungry, we serve brunch." Colson handed you a menu to peruse. "This is actually why I was at the farmers market. All of our fruits and vegetables are local." You looked over the list of food, noticing all of the fresh ingredients.

"That's so cool. Everything sounds delicious." You said, flipping the menu over to continue exploring. On the opposite side, you found a cocktail menu. Some of the drink names made you chuckle. There was 'the gunner,' 'sex, dope, and cheap thrills,' 'screw me' with its counterpart, 'screw you,' and the 'you know I'm no good.' Without even seeing the ingredients, you immediately thought that the last one sounded like a drink you'd choose.

Colson exchanged the menu in your hands with a coffee cup filled with hot coffee. You looked at him and gave him a weak thank you smile which he inadvertently returned, and just like that, you were taken back to the first morning you had ever spent together.

You woke up randomly as the sun was shining through the tiny window of your dorm room. You were still wearing the same clothes from the night before. It confused you because you hadn't even remembered falling asleep. The last thing you could recollect was laying with Colson in your XL twin bed, which he noted multiple times was fantastic because his tall, lanky ass fit perfectly.

"Good morning," Colson whispered. It took you a moment to fully wake up, but you noticed how your bodies were intertwined when you did. Your head was on his chest, and his arm was holding you close to him. It was cozy.

"Good morning." You repeated, squeezing him and nuzzling your face into his neck. "How long have you been awake?" You asked sleepily, afraid that you were the only one who had dozed off.

You and Colson had agreed to stay up as long as you could talking to each other. After all, it was the first time you had seen each other since Atlanta, and even though you had basically talked every day for the last 3 months, you still had a lot to talk about.

"Not long, maybe like fifteen.. . twenty minutes" He shrugged. "I didn't want to wake you. I just wanted to lay here and hold you a little longer, watch you sleep, smell your hair." He squeezed you, placing a small kiss on the top of your head. "I wanted to memorize all of it because this weekend will be over before we know it, and then It'll be back to facetime calls and falling asleep on the phone."

"Blahhh, don't remind me." You pouted, sitting up to face him. You enjoyed every single second you got to spend with that blue-eyed boy in your bed, and you never wanted it to end. He had quickly become your best friend, your person.

"Sorry. Y'know, you're fucking cute when you're sleepy" Colson smiled at you, no makeup and hair a mess. To him, you were perfection. "Oh, I ordered coffee." He said excitedly as he sat up, reaching for the cups on the table next to your bed. "Remind me to thank your roommate later. She was not very happy when she was woken up by the Doordash driver." He chuckled.

"She'll get over it" You took the warm cup from him, sipping slowly. Careful not to burn your mouth. You immediately spit the coffee back into the cup, scrunching your nose up at the taste. The coffee was sweeter than a glazed chocolate donut filled with thousands of tiny sprinkles. You thoroughly enjoyed coffee, and you liked to be able to taste the flavor in every sip.

"Shit, did I get it wrong?" He asked worriedly. It was one of the topics you had discussed last night, and he had already forgotten.

"Yeah, but we've never had coffee together, so I'll give you a free pass." You joked. "Two sugars and a splash of cream," you reminded him with a small smile.

"I swear I will never forget again." He promised, passing you his coffee to share.

"Let's sit back here" Colson's voice pulled you from your memory. As you followed him to the back of the coffee shop, you noticed photos of different famous musicians on each table.

"What's with the pictures?" You asked, gesturing towards a table with Kurt Cobains' face on it.

"They're all a part of the 27 club." He could tell by the expression on your face that you had no idea what that meant. "a bunch of artists and entertainers that died at the age of 27." Colson explained.

"Oh." you gasped, finally understanding the name of his coffee shop.

Colson led you to a table in the back corner. It was secluded enough to offer a little privacy from the rest of the customers. You took a seat, instantly noticing the photo that was on your table. It was him. Your narrowed eyes and knitted brows caught his attention, and he followed your gaze to determine the look of confusion on your face.

"You're 31." You stated the obvious.

"Yes, but most days I feel like my life ended when I was 27." He let out a small chuckle.

You took a sip of your coffee, waiting for Colson to elaborate further. Quickly getting distracted by the liquid in your cup. When the coffee first hit your tongue, you could taste a combination of floral and fruity notes, but as you swallowed, you noticed a nutty caramel tone. It was unique and unlike any other coffee, you had ever tried.

"Mmm," You hummed quietly, approving of the noteworthy java in your hand. "You remembered how I like my coffee." You said without thinking.

You regretted it almost instantly. You didn't want to discuss your past relationship or talk to Colson like old friends. You just wanted the explanation you deserved so you could be on your way. It wasn't necessary to spend any more time with him than need be. You didn't want to conjure up old feelings any more than you already had by being in this stupid city.

"I said I would never forget, didn't I?" He looked at you like you made the whole world spin, and for a moment, it was like time stood still.

"God. I'm so stupid." His words came out as a whisper as he looked away from you. Shame and guilt wallpapered his face. "I made the biggest mistake of my life by losing you, and it's something I'm never going to forgive myself for."

"Why'd you leave Colson?" You were blunt, and your words were shaky.

"Because y/n, you deserved better." He paused, collecting his thoughts before continuing. "I was laying there with you in my arms that morning thinking to myself, 'how can I possibly love this amazing woman the way she deserves to be loved when I don't even like who I am."

The sadness in his voice was evident, and you could clearly see the pain in his glossy blue eyes. He hurt himself just as much as he had hurt you.

"I was the biggest fuck up on the planet. You sacrificed your happiness to be with me, to support my dreams, and be my biggest fan. . .I was selfish, and I took you for granted. I broke your heart, and somehow you still managed to see the best in me. It wasn't fair to you. -- Y/n, I had to go because I knew that staying would have been even more painful for you. I was a sinking ship that was burning, and I couldn't bear to be the reason you went down in flames too." A silent tear slid down his cheek.

You sat there speechless as you listened to the explanation you had waited years to hear. You hadn't even realized it, but at some point, you had started tearing up too. Colson reached over, wiping the tears from your face.

"I hate myself for fucking things up with you." He said, staring at you.

You didn't know what it was about him, but when you looked into those blue eyes, you saw a reflection of your soul staring back at you. He was your person, always had been, and always would be. You and Colson had a once-in-a-lifetime connection. The kind of connection that made you feel alive by just being near him, even the silence between you, was comfortable because you felt complete in each other's presence.

"You are worth so much more than second thoughts and maybes'. I am so sorry y/n" You could feel the emotion in Colson's words. His apology was like rain on a dehydrated garden. Grossly overdue, but miraculously just in time.

You sat in silence for a few moments before speaking. "Earlier, when you said you lost your life at 27, what did you mean?" You questioned.

"Y'know, everyone thought I was overreacting after our breakup. . ." He started. You had no idea where he was going with his response, but you let him continue." what they didn't get was how much of my life you really were. . .You were more than just another relationship down the drain. You were my past, my present, and my future. Y/n, you were my life."

At that moment, you understood why his photo sat on a table in that coffee shop. He was a part of the 27 club, not because he physically perished at 27, but because that was when he lost the only thing that ever made him feel alive, you.

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