#i really wanted to put an mp3 on this post but i am forced by the hand of god (tumblr) to use a spotify widget...

[horsetailcurlers2]

do you have any outlaw queen headcanons? (robin lives au)

yes for sure! i’ve admittedly been on my swan queen vibe for a while (so i might be a little rusty at this lol) but i am nothing if not a multi shipper and this is perfect timing bc i have been thinking about OQ lately.

-in my perfect “robin lives” AU, the zelena-is-marian arc never happened lol but for narrative purposes let’s say zelena just had a redemption arc, robin was not killed, and everyone is safe and happy and storybrooke is settled and peaceful with no magical antagonists.

-robin and roland move into regina’s house eventually and it is…. quite the adjustment. he has spent at least a decade living in the woods and sleeping on the ground for one thing. and unlike everyone that came over during the first curse, he very much does not have 30 years of built in knowledge about modern technology. he is absolutely hopeless with it all. it took regina two months to teach him how to use the coffee maker. he only knows how to put on his two favorite channels in the tv (do NOT ask him to put on netflix or even put in a dvd). and he flat out REFUSES to use the microwave. regina finds this all to be some combination of exasperating and adorable. henry just finds it absolutely hilarious.

-as robin settles in and gets more comfortable in storybrooke, he discovers the things he likes about our realm. he loves the music. naturally, robin really likes classic dad bands. like the avett brothers and stuff. he’s always asking regina to help him play their music on his “magic song thingy” (an mp3 player). he also loves the nature channel (sorry if that’s a little on the nose haha). i also think he’d have a fascination with reruns of old family sitcoms.

-he makes her more social. not in a forced way, i just mean that he makes her feel a lot more comfortable going to public social gatherings. it’s a lot easier for her to be around all her former subjects when robin is there with her. and he’s kind of a social butterfly so she lowkey loves seeing him in his element. a lot of her discomfort also comes from thinking that nobody actually wants her there or that they all still hate her so he definitely helps assure her that she is wanted and he encourages her to spend more time around people so she can see for herself.

-sharing her space is very difficult for regina at first. she’s always been a very solitary person (aside from her relationship with henry which is a completely different thing) and every time she’s had to share space so intimately, it’s usually been because it was forced upon her. so she is very grumpy and irritated when he first moves in because he keeps leaving things out of place or because he snores in his sleep or “breathes too loud”. eventually they work it out and she learns how to live alongside another person and she learns to make space for robin while still keeping some for herself.

-he LOVES post it notes. he thinks they are the handiest modern convenience after indoor plumbing and electricity. he leaves an excessive amount of notes for her all around the house- on her vanity mirror, on the refrigerator, on the dashboard of her car. sometimes it’s practical reminders (they’re out of bread, he will be working late, he’s handling dinner that night) but usually it’s just something very sappy about how beautiful she is or what a good day he wants her to have. it’s ridiculous and cheesy and cliche but she can’t help smiling every time.

-the charmings host a lot of the big family gatherings at their farmhouse, but regina’s house is also a hot spot for family dinners (see my regina headcanons about how she secretly loves hosting). they have monthly family game nights at mifflin street but regina has actually been banned from playing. she is confined to being the score keeper or the game master because she gets WAY too intense and it kind of ruins it for everybody else.

-somebody with as much trauma as regina is bound to have some nightmares. the first time they share a bed for not so scandalous reasons, he is so startled and freaked out by her nightmares that he falls off the bed and onto the floor. they aren’t bad all of the time, and a lot of nights she doesn’t even have them. but when they’re bad, they’re pretty bad. once he catches on to what’s going on, he’s exceptionally good at helping sooth them.

-roland LOVES living with regina and henry. he thinks having a big brother is so cool and he is obsessed with “helping” regina in the kitchen. he also really loves the “magic moving pictures” on the tv. at first, it’s an adjustment for him because he misses sleeping in a tent with his papa’s merry men, but he still visits camp very often. regina also puts some of those glow in the dark plastic stars on his ceiling and he LOVES them bc it feels like he’s still sleeping under the “outside ceiling” as he calls it.

-robin’s main love language is gift giving. it seems a little contradictory with the whole “robin hood” thing but it is not materialistic at all. it’s just in the sense that he is thoughtful and perceptive and he likes giving things to the people he loves that show how deeply he knows them. it’s very novel to regina, who has never really received a gift from anybody except for daniel (and henry of course). she mentioned her favorite novel once offhand, and he bought her a beautiful first edition for christmas months later. it’s also the little things: her favorite flowers when he comes home one weekday evening, her favorite candy when he swings by the grocery store, stopping into her office to surprise her with a coffee the exact way she orders it. she’s never had somebody who is just so clearly always thinking about her and prioritizing her in such a way.

-i go back and forth on whether or not they would ever get married (mostly because regina has so much trauma around marriage and they are already in love and living as a family anyway). ultimately though, i think that they would. the idea isn’t so scary to her when it comes to robin (plus at this point she’s had quite a bit of therapy) and it’s what she’s always wanted- to be married to the person she really loves and to have a peaceful simple life surrounded by people who love her.

[standing-hollow]

Chemlab was a Coldwave and Industrial rock (or "Machine Rock") band formed in Washington D.C. in 1989 by Dylan Thomas More and Jared Louche with the help of short-time member Joe Frank. Influenced by the pioneers of the industrial genre, such as Throbbing Gristle, Chemlab brought a rough, experimental approach to their music.

x

[dismuch47]

THE BUFFER

Length: Extra Long Drabble

Timeline: Post Civil War, 5 months in...

Content: Wanda and Vision are finding it rather hard to wait for some quality face-time, especially with back-to-back missions overlapping. And to part when things were just starting to heat up...

Warnings: Spicy fluffy.

A shaky sigh escaped Wanda as her hazel eyes snapped open. How was it possible for her body to be completely sapped of strength, but her mind oppressively restless? She winched as she turned on her aching side, the derelict cot squeaking with the movement of the mattress. It felt good to lay there in the new position…her body heavy like lead... but her unblinking gaze pierced the darkness of the room.

It happened every so often. Not every night… but more than she could count. And it always made her chest constrict and her brow contort with memorized pain. No tears anymore. Just a deep ache, echoing endlessly within herself.

Tonight she had been falling, again. Endlessly. Debris circled around her, as if in a calm, slow motion… though the wind raged in her ears mercilessly. She was reaching out to a hand she knew well. Hazel eyes like her own were wide with desperation. Snowy hair lashed about as he reached back to her. They would never successfully grab hold. And the blood stains on his fitted shirt grew into gory, gaping wounds. Wanda’s heart would thunder as the broken Sokovian soil raced to collide from below. She screamed, voicelessly, as she realized that she would feel his death yet again with the impact.

Wanda finally forced her eyes closed again, breathing in and out and repeat, like Natasha had taught her. The clamminess and racing heart leveled out. She reached under the cot, finding her MP3 player among discarded clothing on the dirty floor. Music had a stimulating effect, which didn’t bother her at this point, as further sleep was now out of the question.

She would not go back to that day. She would not feel Pietro die again. Not if she could help it.

The list of music was uncategorized, so she had to skip over the loud and nonsensical, which had been her twin’s flavor more then hers. She usually found comfort in them, but tonight she needed calm. A rhythm to cling to and ward away the demons within.

It was clear why these nightmares were occurring, and with more frequency. Two whole months without Vision. They had a beautiful and tender farewell, knowing that Wanda’s next mission would take some time and focus. And then his subsequent off-world S.W.O.R.D. assignment would further expanded the impossibility of a feasible rendezvous.

Off world.

Wanda held herself. There were infinite ways Vision could communicate with her when they were apart. The advantages of a being created by and to be one with the technologic rhythms of Earth and beyond. A message on a digital board would flash with sentiments for an instant, enough for her to notice, but for others to briefly shake their heads in passing befuddlement. Vision could keep his eyes on her… though not without challenge, as her team was doing everything in their human capacity to stay OFF camera and grid for safety. If he did find her easily enough… he’d make sure to cover his digital tracks and obscure the path from anyone else. Always watchful.

Which is why the complete silence and blackout of their connection had been so disconcerting. Closer to Earth’s satellites, Vision sent small messages or emojis to an encrypted messenger program he had developed for just the two of them. It made her heart ache, sitting in the computer cafe, looking at the green pixelated hearts. Not being able to feel him.

That was 19 days ago. And his gentle, golden light and warmth was so far away that practically felt nonexistent. Allowing the icy darkness of her past to creep back into her life. It didn’t claw and tear as it once had, but it leered at her from every shadow as she laid sleepless in bed.

She fidgeted on the horrid mattress until she was flat on her back again. Finally the warm night air was getting through the initial cold-sweat that her nightmare had put her through. The music in her ears spoke of nights, love, and intimacies. It made her miss Vision more. Especially since their last parting had changed the dynamics of their unique companionship.

Kisses were innocent enough. Pecks. Affectionate rewards of thoughtful actions and reciprocated sentiments. But with each meet-up, the distance on the hotel suite couches narrowed during evening sitcom watching. Pinkies locked together with a hand graze during sight-seeing, and sharing a single bed had become an innocent, comforting norm. So when laughter had left her breathless and she planted one on the synthezoid while she was practically in his arms… it hadn’t particularly surprised either of them when they let it linger for a few steady heartbeats. And when their lips parted, and silent hesitancy emboldened to yearning…they came back together. More sure of the act. Oh so very much more sure.

There was no sex that followed. It could have. But it didn’t. It was yet another daunting human concept for him… and honestly for her too… to be saddled with right before a long stint away from each other. The kiss… kisses… had been perfect. And wandering hands memorized flesh and vibranium surface and texture. She did remove his shirt. That did happen. And maybe there had been some salacious caressing and tongue tracing of metallic striations.

They should have had sex.

Now Wanda was irritated with herself. She shut off the seductive music and tossed the device back on the messy floor. She closed her eyes and tried to take herself back to one of the numerous hotel rooms she had visited Vision with. Clean linen smells. The food. THE HOT SHOWERS. And Vision. Most of all… Vision. No night with him gave nightmares the foothold they so desired. Not with the gentle whirring of his calculating mind to sooth hers, or the gentle lilts of his humored voice, nor with the gentle stroke of his digits against her hair. This phantom Vision made the ache in her sigh, yet she smiled inwardly. Almost like he was there now. Her essence unfolding itself to his nearness. Warmth in her cheeks and heart. She basked in the feeling, amazed at it’s intoxicating realness...

That’s when she sat straight up in the bed. Blinking at the one window of the room. Wanda tore off the sheets and padded over to it, careful to be soundless in an apartment of light-sleeping soldiers and an ex-assassin. She fumbled with the latch, splotched with corrosion and non-use. The window slid up, with some exertion, and she stuck her head out, auburn hair catching in a soft cool breeze. The building was a dump, but the skies and countryside beyond the town limits was scenic, even in the moonlight. Spring touched it’s fingers upon the vegetation, pale blossoms looking like celestial creatures swaying in the wind.

“Vision.” she whispered.

She paused. Anticipating a response.

“Vision?”

Her hand clutched the bottom of the window for balance, but she squeezed tighter with rising disappointment. She had been so sure. She had wanted him so bad that she had fooled herself. Wanda’s eyes cast downward as she ducked her head back into the room, lowering the window.

“Wanda.”

The woman startled, then smiled ridiculously wide as she quickly lifted the window once more. “Vision!” She kept her voice breathy, for low volume, but it burst with excitement. She reached out to his hovering form as he emerged from the side, pulling his face towards hers for a kiss, nearly toppling out of the window in the process.

Vision chuckled, letting her have his lips, responding in kind, but holding her safely within her perch. “Wanda. I have missed your presence, considerably so-”

“I thought I was going crazy!” She kissed his nose, lips, cheeks… lips again. “I knew you were here but I didn’t see you-“

“My apologies. It appears that-“ Kiss. “… Agent Romanoff has been doing a rather competent job of establishing alarmed snares for both carbon-based intruders, and those of a more mechanized persuasion-“ His lips were stilled by another kiss.

“Sorry about that. She’s a stickler…”

“No, on the contrary, I am appreciably reassured that she goes to such great lengths for the security of her team.” He brushed some wayward hair behind her ear. “I just had to tread cautiously.”

Wanda finally detangled her arms from around his neck and leaned against the sill more comfortably. Vision propped his elbows there as well, lightly entwining his maroon fingers with hers. “When did you get back?”

“I came straight from the stars to you, Wanda.” He grinned, knowing his answer pleased her when she grinned shyly and pressed her cheek to their joined hands. “I know I should have checked-in with Stark and Dr. Cho…but yours was the company I felt I most required.”

Wanda rested her chin on his knuckles. “Two months… is WAY too long, Vis.”

“Far too long.” He echoed her ache. “You look fatigued, Wanda.”

She huffed. “Thanks. I am. Didn’t sleep well.” That’s all she would supply for now. “Did you enjoy your trip off-world?”

Vision crossed a hovering leg over the other, tilting his head thoughtfully. “A vast frontier of terrifyingly beautiful mysteries. And I occupied only a mere point percentage of our known galaxy. I will be processing my findings for days.”

“You loved it.” Wanda grinned.

“Visually it was very stimulating.”

She looked down. “So I guess that means more space assignments.” She felt him tip her face up to his, hands still locked with hers.

“It was a drone mission. Too expensive to send humans, and equipment too expensive to lose.”

“So they sent you.” Wanda said, bitterness edging through.

“I have immense respect for the current Director of S.W.O.R.D., but we both knew it was mostly a publicity stunt. Sending an Avenger to space. A S.W.O.R.D. partner project with Stark Industries. I was the logical, and really only, choice.”

She grumbled “As long as it doesn’t become a habit…”

“I assure you, I am far more inclined to be earth-bound with still so many provocative enigmas of humanity to be uncovered…” Wanda looked up at him, seeing his cerulean eyes roving not too subtly over her night shorts and how they moved across her toned thighs. Within an instant he was back to regarding her face thoughtfully.

Wanda arched a brow. “Provocative enigmas, huh?” She gently reclaimed her fingers, taking a few, slow and salacious steps away from the window. She unzipped the light sweatshirt she had on and let it fall away from her arms. A pink, loose, sleep tank glowed in the moonlight.

“Do you want to come in?”

“Wanda…” Vision’s tone smoothly protested, but his eyes didn’t leave her visage. Their soft bluish glow fluctuated as he skimmed the inside of the room. Considering. “Is that very prudent? With your team so close in proximity-“

“They’re sound asleep.” She assured him, touching each teammate’s mind with her own, making sure that they were truly unconscious. “If you try to slip me out the window, I’m bound to trip off one of the snares too. Nothing comes in… no one goes out… unless you have the unique ability of density fluctuation…” Wanda played with the hem of her pink top. Her whispered tones were now a gentle, more audible alto melody. “And as cute as it is to kiss by the window and moonlight, like two certain star-crossed lovers… I’m thinking we deserve a little more than that. After such a long time apart…”

“5,259,492 exceedingly long seconds.” Vision agreed. He took one last look outside, making sure not a soul was passing by, and then ducked his head in to avoid collision with the window frame. The rest of his form shimmered gold and passed through all matter until he was hovering in her room.

Wanda put her arms up like a ringleader at a circus, acknowledging their surroundings. “Welcome to one of many humble abodes that changes with each mission for team On-The-Run. Sorry for the mess. Wasn’t expecting company.”

The synthezoid’s pleasant expression slightly waned as he examined the room. It was dark, but he could adjust his optic settings to accommodate for the lack of light source. He couldn’t help but notice the warped boards of the floor and some exposed nails protruding up. He analyzed all the weak points where someone of Wanda’s height and build might fall through if enough force applied. The cot looked devoid of any possible comfort required for a human’s successful 7 hours of sleep needed for healthy productivity. The defunct fire alarm didn’t even have a battery in it. The amount of dust and mold alone had to be such devastating havoc on the respiratory system…

Wanda bit her lower lip to keep from laughing. Watching Vision’s expression deepen with concern as his gaze moved from one health code violation to the next was amusing to her. It fell upon the only other piece of furniture in the condemned bedroom: the wardrobe.

“Felons don’t get great incomes.” She supplied, scrunching her noise. Her eyes then narrowed as she thought about it. “In fact… I don’t think we actually get an income at all. It’s mostly favors and connections-“

“Something died in there.” Vision was fixed on that ominous wardrobe.

“Oh yeah. For sure. That smell doesn’t go away. I tried everything.” She looked down and shuffled her things on the floor around with her foot. “That’s why my stuff is everywhere. I’ll take dirt over smell…”

Vision gave her a compassionate look. “I promise to never tease your propensity for 50 minute showers when we meet up in hotels, ever again. Even though the average human only needs 15 to 20.”

“I appreciate that.” Wanda used her index finger to motion him hither. “Now come closer. I think if we play our cards right, we might find one of those ‘provocative enigmas’ you are so fond of…”

Despite the profound concern over his favorite human being confined to the condemned dwelling, the synthezoid gave a grin that made a sincere dimple appear on his chiseled face. He arched a foot and touched down on the hard floor… only for the wooden planks to let out an inane splintered groan that resonated in to room. Vision’s eyes widened with worry, and Wanda’s hand shot up to stop him in his tracks.

She reached out quickly to make sure that the noise hadn’t disturbed anyone. Sam tossed on the couch with a soft snort, but he was pretty much dead to the world. Steve’s brows knitted, but he seemed locked in a conflicting dream that he desired to stay in. Natasha, however, fully open her eyes, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for more noise before she would leap to investigate. Nothing came. And this area had big fat raccoons. Wanda could handle it. Nat’s lids drooped over her blue eyes and she let her head sink back into her stiff pillow.

“Okay… We’re good.” Wanda whispered after a long pause. She waved a hand to hold down the boards with her power while Vision retracted his foot back into the air. She carefully eased up on the wood, commanding its fibers to slide back together, stronger than before, and quiet.

Vision gave a slight grimace. “I do not think the remiss state of this apartment will accommodate for my dense weight. Not enough to be stealthy.” He offered his graceful hand down to her. “But I may have an alternative solution.”

The human smirked up at the synthezoid and gave her hand as she took a few soft steps and leaped. Vision hoisted her up and rested her into a sitting position across his lap, cradling her between firm thigh and compact core. She rested against him, slipping her arms around his waist, while he reclined their angle somewhat, allowing gravity to assist with keeping her in place upon him. They floated wordlessly  for a few moments, happily nestled against each other.

Wanda made some soft happy noises, face practically buried in his chest. She turned her head to the side, resting her cheek over his heart. “You smell amazing…. how do you smell so amazing?”

He stroked her soft hair, smiling broadly down at her. “There was an orchard along the way. I stopped, briefly, to admire the blossoms up close. I apologize if it’s overpowering. I should have phased the particulates from myself before-“

“No, I love it.” She inhaled deeply. She nuzzled her way around the gold and metallic maroon of his uniform’s crest, till she found the warmth of his neck. He tilted his head to the side, giving her free-reign over that shapely area. She pressed her lips there tenderly, breathing him in. Night, spring air, and citrus. The hand that had been resting around his waist snaked up to caress his neck, while she slowly ravaged the other side. A hicky and marks would be impossible on his vibranium infused tissue… but the administrations of her tongue and then teeth caused Vision to swallow and exhale deeply. In a way that thrilled Wanda. She planted one more kiss, incredibly pleased with herself, before moving up to his jawline.

Vision lowered his face down to her, his gaze heavy-lidded, intrigued with her sensual strategy. She reached his lips, her hand cupping his jaw, fingers stroking his textured skin. She took his lower lip in hers, consuming, wet…like lapping at a juicy fruit, and nipped as she pulled away. His lips stayed parted, perhaps caught off guard, but the hitch in the synthezoid’s chest conveyed that the assault to his mouth was indeed welcome.

Wanda licked her lips, letting out a wanton sigh. Her hazel eyes finally reopened, regarding Vision.

“Hi.” she said.

Vision was perplexed by the simplicity of her dialogue. Sexual simulation may indeed have a depleting effect on the human cerebrum’s left hemisphere; typically where language was stored. He varied infinite responses that could reciprocate an equally playful sentiment of desire as well…

“Hi.” he settled with. Not original, but it made the woman crack a sultry smile.

Wanda moved to claim his lips once more.

“Wanda” Vision broke the spell before it could swell. “…We never did have a chance to discuss…to discuss…well, what happened in-in the Netherlands.” Wanda suppressed a smile with his stuttering. A tell-tale that he was breaching a topic beyond his full understanding and had copious questions about. “Not before we had to part ways…”

Wanda cocked her head at him. “And what happened in the Netherlands?” she asked coyly.

“W-well…I am only speaking from my perspective,” he began hesitantly, eyes darting to the side. “…but my understanding was that our intimate, yet casual familiarities with one another has evolved into something more…” Vision struggled to find the right word. Not vulgar, but not chaste. “Well, more.”

Wanda caressed her thumb over his lips softly. The moonlight highlighted the pronounced bow and border of his pleasing mouth, a wet sheen over his lower lip marked where she had been.

“Well, we could talk about it…” she offered, continuing her tracing. “…or we could just continue to explore that…’more.’”

Vision’s eyes darted from her enticing gaze, contemplating the choice. A gentle rumble imitated deep in his throat, as he weighed the pros and cons of transparent communication… vs instant and gratifying, sensory study. Wanda made the choice for him, thankfully, parting his lips with her thumb. Vision’s eyes closed heavily, as he tried not to analyze this clear oral fixation, and surrendered his mouth. Her hand slipped down when she replaced it with her full lips upon his, down to rest upon his rising chest. Her other hand massaged circular patterns into the small of his back, beneath his cape.

The synthezoid raised a hand to tenderly cradle the side of her head as their mouths moved against one another. It was a thrilling sensation, whether passionate and out of tandem, or deep and focused synchronization. A maroon hand slid up from her waist, under the jersey material of Wanda’s pink tank, completely unintentional at first, but Vision savored the soft creamy expanse of her back against his digits. She softly moaned against his lips. The sound of her pleasure motivated him to hold her closer to himself. She welcomed the adjustment, slipping both her arms around his neck. Her legs crossed, toes curling, lost in bliss.

Vision’s airy cape brushed against the floor as they slowly whorled in the air, lost in each other. Oblivious that they were edging closer to the cracked and peeling wall. Their kisses became more urgent. Wanda murmured his name, which gave him validation… and an inclination to elicit more audible responses from her. He released his gentle grasp of her chin, seized a hand sliding from his neck, threading their fingers together before bringing her wrist to his lips to kiss. He had accessed data some time ago that confirmed the wrist as an erogenous zone due to the concentrated nerve endings that resided just below the epidermis. He gently rubbed with his thumb, and peppered with sweet brushes of his lips, and featherlight nips.

Wanda’s head lolled back, long auburn hair swaying in the breeze coming from the window. Vision’s splayed hand at her back kept her from losing balance. She arched into his curled arm, trusting, with lazy abandon, eyes gazing dreamily at the moldy ceiling. She felt him kissing his way up the arm he held captive. She had to let out a laugh. A callback to a time that their viewing of the “Addams Family” show had led them into a heated discussion about how impractical Gomez’s passionate displays of affection were in real-world applications. Like kissing his way up Morticia’s arm in almost every episode.

Wanda was wrong. It was nice…

More than nice.

Vision shushed softly against her skin, relishing her inviting giggles, but reminding her of the required low decibel to maintain covertness. He trailed to where her shoulder met with her neck, drawing her back towards himself, taking his time.

“Vis.” Wanda’s voice was husky. Her heart was about to leap out of her chest. She couldn’t hold out anymore. She roughly adjusted her position, allowing him to assist her, until she had him caught between her legs. The muscle and plate-infused surfacing of his lower abdominals had a delicious hardness against her tender apex.

Vision visibly gulped at new position, comprehending it’s possible implication. He didn’t realize how drastically he was backing up, being airborne.

“Wanda…perhaps we shouldn’t-“

The synthezoid’s broad back bumped into the wall of the room. And for whatever reason, that was enough to jostle the usually resistant window to slam down against the sill, the glass shattering. Wanda squeaked loudly at the sudden noise. Vision sharp attention to the noise source distracted him from the reflexive movement of his arm… which went right through the drywall behind him without effort.

Through. Not phased.

“Oh dear…” He grieved, pulling his elbow out of the hole, debris crumbling down in a dust cloud upon the squeaky floor boards.

Wanda could hear the lightening-fast thumping of bare feet and the click of a gun. Wanda’s hands glowed red and she phased through Vision, dropping to the floor with a thud and flicked  her wrist over her head, sending him soaring through the air and into the wardrobe wall. He visibly disappeared with a soft and abrupt “ah” before the door to the room flung open. Natasha stalked in, gun aimed, pointing it at every corner as she assessed the threat level. She acknowledged Wanda on the floor, resting the aim of her weapon at the destroyed window. Steven followed behind, fists poised.

“She’s unharmed.” Nat confirmed over her shoulder to Steve.

He went over to her to help the young woman up, cautiously looking around. “Wanda, you okay? What happened?”

Wanda tried to speak.

“The window is broken. Did someone try to force their way in?” Nat demanded, doubtful, as her traps outside were famously intricate. She then noticed the hole in the wall. “Maximoff?”

Wanda’s head reeled. To be pulled from paradise to this purgatory at whip-lash speed. “I… I just. I had the window open. Fell asleep… I guess I had a nightmare. Lost control.” She was breathless between excuses, pulse racing. Nat’s icy blue gaze narrowed at her younger teammate.

Steve regarded Wanda with stoic compassion. He put his hands on her shoulders. “It must have been a bad one. You still looked flushed.” The woman bit her lower lip, unable to meet her leader’s gaze.

Nat finally lowered her gun and backed away from the window. “You haven’t lost control of your powers like this in awhile. Maybe we need to adjust your training focus.” Wanda blanched inwardly. That didn’t sound good. Not coming from Natasha.

“Everything good up there??” Sam’s voice called from the livingroom couch downstairs.

“False alarm, Sam.” Steve yelled back.

“Good. Cause some of us are trying to get some shut eye.”

Steve regarded the mess, speaking more quietly this time. “We’ll patch this up in the morning. Though you’ll be happy to know that we’ll be relocating soon. Got a lead on another job.”

“Oh… yeah. That’s… that’s good.” Wanda offered.

Steve didn’t seem assured by the forced sincerity of her response. “Get some rest, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

He gave her a pat to the shoulder and strode out of the room. Natasha stood in her usual power stance, legs shoulder width apart, hands and gun clasped behind her back. The fact she was clad in a sports bra and black high-cuts didn’t  make her any less intimidating.

The bottled-blonde wasn’t leaving. Wanda cleared her throat. “I think I’ll be okay. Thank you. You’re right about the… the extra training-“

“The wardrobe has feet.” The ex-assassin stated dryly. She turned her head to the side. “Say good night… Vision.”

Natasha turned to leave, slightly smirking once she was out of the room.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 1]

Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 2]

A/N: There's 2 parts to this chapter because the post was way long. Part Eighty-Four will be posted tomorrow night. I love yall and hope you enjoy, goodnight!!

Words: 5.7k

Warnings: Explicit language, drug abuse, violence, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"The ambulance is on the way." I hear someone say over the noise of the running water and the blood throbbing in my ears from my mind racing. 

My heart feels like it's about to burst, my lungs feel flat, like they don't have the muscle to expand and let me catch my breath. 

Duff's t-shirt that I'm wearing is soaked with freezing cold water, Nikki's grayish-yellow skin now blue… 

We've been trying to get him to wake up. 

Slash is passed out, being knocked out by his girlfriend, Sally, once he realized what was happening and had a drunk meltdown. 

Me, Sally, Duff and Steven get Nikki from the cold shower and get him back in the living room floor, tearing at his shirt and the buttons fly off. 

"Holy shit." Steven says just under his breath as I go to start cpr but I'm stopping when my hands hit something like ice.

I quickly see what it is and I nearly fall back. 

It's my crucifix that I thought I had lost when I left it in Duff's hotel room a couple months ago…

TWELVE HOURS AGO

"Nikki's getting home later than the rest of the guys." Karen informs me as I finish wiping down the kitchen counter. 

"Why?" I ask and she sighs. 

"He told me he missed the flight." 

"Of course he did." I mumble and she sighs. 

"Well, after that stunt he pulled, I'm surprised he's even getting to come home." She states and I furrow my brows. 

"What stunt?"

"Doc didn't tell you?" 

"No?"

"...Nikki and the guys were on a bullet train and something riled Nikki up and he threw a bottle of Jack at a window and it busted and got all over the passengers, then when they got stopped and the cops got ahold of him, Tommy punched one of them so they'd take him, too." She explains. 

Am I surprised, no. Shocked, no. Disappointed, no. Annoyed? Yes. 

"They are so freaking embarrassing." I sneer to myself.

"Oh, the worst part is what he told the police chief, in Doc's words, 'if my balls were on your chin, where would my dick be?'" 

I widen my eyes, blinking slowly. 

"He said the man couldn't understand exactly what he said so the translator told him Nikki said he was very sorry and they got off." She adds.

"Of course they did." 

She just looks at me for a moment before letting out a soft breath. 

"Vivian, do you think...even the slightest chance you two can--"

"--If there was a chance, I would've gone to Japan with them." I tell her.

She's quiet. 

"I need to feed the dog." I say to her, dismissively, and as if on cue, Whisky is darting in here. "Hey, baby!" I pipe, excitedly, still feeling Karen's gaze on me before she steps out of the kitchen. "Mommy's trying not to kill Daddy." I tell him, pouring his food in his bowl. "She's really trying."

A couple hours later, I'm putting makeup on to go meet Duff when the phone starts ringing. 

"Hello?" I answer it in the bedroom, sitting on the bed. 

"Hey, beautiful, it's Robbin." I hear from the other side and I roll my eyes, chuckling. 

"Hey, beautiful, what's up?" I reply in the same tone. 

"Nothin'." He replies. "I was wondering if your daddy was home, yet?" He asks in reference to Nikki and I scoff. 

"My father is at home with my mother, probably praying or reading the Bible or secretly listening to The Cult records in the garage." I reply. 

"You know who I'm talking about, c'mon." He laughs. 

"No, Robbin, your boyfriend isn't home yet." I tell him. 

"Do you know when he will be?"

"Not too long from now, probably."

"Well, when he gets in, tell him to gimme a call." 

"I might not be here but I'll leave a note." 

"Where you going?" He asks. 

"Out."

"With who?" 

"Robbin."

"Why don't you ever come see me anymore? I haven't hung out with you in months." 

"Because I don't party and that's all you like to do at night." 

"Well, bring your ass with Sixx when he comes tonight."

"Robbin--"

"--Please, for me?" 

"I'll think about it, alright?" 

"Okay, just don't forget to get him to call me." He reminds me and I nod.

"I will."

"See you later...maybe." 

"Later."

We hang up and I groan and fall back on the bed, looking at myself in the mirrored ceiling, before calling Duff to postpone our plans by a couple hours so I can go hangout with Nikki and Robbin.

Once I'm dressed, I fall back on the bed, waiting for Nikki to get in…

I turn over on my stomach and reach for the little radio clock on his side of the bed, my finger pulling the switch on. 

Dopey Christmas music filters through the room and I turn it back off, sighing. 

Whisky jumps up on the bed with me and I sit up so he doesn't lick my makeup off, giggling at his happy-go-lucky demeanor, but something's off in his eyes. 

"He'll be back tonight, baby." I promise, scratching at his chin. "I miss him, too, you know? I know that's hard to believe but I do." I admit to him and he blinks at me. "And if you tell anybody, I won't give you table scraps anymore." I add, the corners of my mouth tugging. 

I kiss his head, leaving a smudge of lipstick and I wince, forgetting I even had the stuff on. 

"Oops." I go to the bathroom and get a wet washcloth, srubbing it off his fur as best as a I can. 

That's when I hear the door open and slam, and I exhale, standing up, tossing the cloth aside and peeking my head out of the bedroom door to see if it's Karen or Nikki. 

"Hey," I say to him and he looks at me. 

He looks like absolute hell. 

"You can stop looking at me like that." He mumbles and I try to speak but can't find the words. 

"Sorry." I finally get it out and he goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. 

I hear the shower start and I thank God because he smells horrendous. 

I light a few scented candles while he's in there, trying to clear out the smell. 

Then I try to search his suitcase for drugs, to no avail. 

"I threw them out before I got to the airport." He says and I freeze up, sighing when he reaches past me and grabs the suitcase, tugging it to the floor before grabbing at my waist, making me turn around to face him. 

I just try to keep my expression neutral, not knowing if he's in a mood or not. 

"You smell better." I tell him to avoid an awkward silence as we're uncomfortably close. 

"Yeah, so do you." He replies and I roll my eyes, about to move out of his grasp. "Wait, wait, no, no, c'mere." He grabs at me tighter, holding me still, chuckling boyishly and I give a sharp breath. 

"You're high," I state, trying to nudge him away from me to give me some space. 

"Hey, I'm being nice." His expression shifts, eyes cutting at me, mouth snarling. 

"Nikki--"

"--No, when I'm pissed you get bitchy and when I'm in a good mood you get bitchy. You're just a fucking bitch. Always have been. Always will be." He snatches himself away, kicking the suitcase out of his way. 

"I'd rather be a bitch than a junkie." I reply as he goes to the bathroom and he's turning around in milliseconds. 

"Fuck you!" He shouts, grabbing my jaw, forcing my back down to the mattress, "fuck you, you condescending, manipulative, evil little witch!" He barks in my face and I keep myself as calm as I can, not wanting to make it worse. 

I shouldn't have even called him a junkie to begin with. 

I knew how he'd react. 

"Don't you ever call me that again, Vivian, do you fucking understand me?! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of your shit and your endless whining when I started shooting up because of you in the first fucking place and I keep shooting up just to escape from the reality that I'm fucking married to a twisted, sick, sneaky cunt like you!" 

My eyes water, a lump in my throat…

"Then divorce me." I let out weakly, my voice cracking. "If I'm so awful then just leave me, Nikki." 

He looks at me, tears in his own eyes, before he gets off of me and goes to the bathroom to finish getting ready. 

NIKKI

I thought couldn't do that. Even when I was miserable with her, I was in love with her. That's contradictory to how I acted and treated her but it wasn't necessarily an endless doting, constant lovey-dovey, in love, thing. It was a poisonous, constant merry-go-round and anytime I would try to get off she'd pull me on again without even realizing it. She'd wear a hot dress, or laugh, or smile, or do something for me, or just say 'Nikki', and fuck, I'd be on her again. The Duff thing wasn't even on my mind that night. I got home, saw she was there, went inside and saw her and it took everything in me not to fall to my fucking knees...only for her to call me a junkie. I shouldn't have grabbed her like that, but at that point I was tired of the going around and around, spinning, dizzy, exhausted from puking...she wouldn't leave me. So I was trying to scare her off. 

I realized after my overdose that there was no scaring her off. She was as sick as I was, she needed help like I did, and until we got it we would still be on the ride. That's when I filed for divorce. I thought of it as my final, "I love you," because I really did it for her, knowing she wouldn't file after I OD'd. We were torturing ourselves at that point. We both needed to just get away from one another. And we did.

"You coming or not, Vivian, c'mon!" I call into the house when the car gets here, rolling my eyes as she takes her sweet, precious time, deliberately, staring me in the eye as she slowly steps to the door, her brow raised, red lips keeping restraint from curling at the sight of me. 

When she walks past, I'm tempted to rear back and hit her ass as hard as my hand can muster, just to see her look at me with her unamused, pissy little look she gives me when I'm being an asshole. 

We get in the back of the limo and she sits as far away from me as possible. 

It's silent on the way to town, the light flittering, through the windows in the back cast light over her face every now and then...we'd be in the floor tearing at clothes by now if this was three years ago. 

Fuck.

How the hell did we go from not getting enough of each other to fucking despising each other? 

Again, like I've been doing all year, I remind myself it's because I fucked up with Vanity.

I hope she doesn't tell Vivian I called her in Japan...It's  like I really miss her or anything, I was just lonely and Vivian wasn't taking my calls. 

She was under Duff, the demon in my ear laughs out and I look at Vivian again, seeing her quickly look away from me as if she'd get caught for staring. 

I wonder what she's thinking about right now...I wonder if she really has been with Duff this whole I haven't been home. 

Not that I have room to bitch, I spent my whole time in Japan with my head in drugs--which might as well be a fucking mistress. 

I give her one last glance before clearing my throat and leaning my head back to rest my eyes for a moment. 

Soon, we stop, and the door flings open, Robbin, Slash, some chick, and Steven all pile in, Vivian scooting over so there's more room for everyone to sit. 

I go to the other window, letting Slash and the girl I'm assuming is with him get beside me. 

Vivian's between Robbin and Steven, and it's evident they've been having some fun before meeting us. 

"Sixx!" Robbin lets out, kicking the seat I'm in.

"King!" I reply, kicking his seat, and he chuckles. 

"How was Japan?" He asks, rubbing his nose. 

"I barely remember." I admit with a laugh and he joins me, nodding. 

"Nikki, this is Sally." Slash tells me next and I lean over him to see her. 

She's pretty hot. 

"Nice to meet you." She tells me.

She's Scottish...interesting. 

I hear Vivian giggle and I peek out the corner of my eye and see Robbin whispering something in her ear, and she elbows him, jokingly. 

"You are, just saying." He says to her and she rolls her eyes. "Just get more and more beautiful the longer I go without seeing you." He adds. 

"Shut up." She nudges him. 

"You are." He chuckles. 

"Sleepy is what I am." She states as Steven tells me something, and I try to hear him, but I'm too focused on what Robbin's going on about. 

"Here," he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a baggie of coke, grabbing his keys and getting some on the tip of it, holding it up to her nose. 

She wrinkles her nose and shoos him away. 

"No, no, no." She shakes her head. 

"C'mon."

"No." She keeps her voice light but stern and he lowers it and looks at her with a smirk on his lips. 

Next thing I know, she's laughing out, "Robbin, stop," while King's dumping the dab of coke on the smooth skin of her tit that's pushed up slightly in her strapless dress. 

She squeals and laughs as he snorts it off, I guess because the scratch of his five o'clock shadow tickles or she just gets off on making me mad, then he starts quickly trailing little kisses up her cheek to her ear and she tries to put her ear to her shoulder, laughing more when his other hand tickles at her stomach…he's nearly got her laid out on the seat. 

My foot makes contact with his stomach and I'm nearly barking when I say, "sit your ass down, Robbin," sharply, making it clear I'm not bullshitting him.

"I was just playing, Sixx, damn." He sniffles, wiping his nose.  

"You don't 'play' like that." I throw at him. 

An intense silence falls over all of us and Vivian just brushes what's left of the coke off of her chest and straightens her dress before giving him a soft, reassuring smile. 

Great. Is she fucking him, too? 

When we get to the Cathouse, Vivian stays close to Steven and eventually Sally when the two of them warm up to each other. 

We make it up to V.I.P. and Viv makes a point to try to avoid sitting beside me. 

But I wait for her to sit and I'm sitting right beside her with a smug smirk while she glares at me. 

"What's wrong, baby?" I lean into her ear and ask over the loud music and she just shakes her head. 

I pat myself on the back when she eventually gets up, mumbling about the bathroom, and leaves us. 

After a few (several) lines of blow, I head to the bathroom to piss, deciding to stop by the women's restroom to see what the hell Vivian's doing. 

She probably snuck out of the window. 

I hear the very faint but distinct sound of Vivian crying, guilt stabbing at me. 

I think I took it too far earlier when I called her those shitty things. 

I just go to the men's bathroom and splash my face with water, the buzzing of coke beginning to numb my mind, thoughts of my imploding marriage, band, and life, being locked up and discarded into a black sea of, "it can wait." 

One thing is retrieved, though, thrown a life line and brought back from the depths. 

I look at myself in the mirror, staring myself down as if saying, "don't you fucking do it." 

Once the high kicks in, I can just feel Sikki scrape me from control, locking me away momentarily. 

Next thing I know, I'm standing in the women's bathroom, Vivian still sniffling in the stall...I don't think she knows I'm in here. 

"I got you this far, you fuck." The demon snarls in my ear.

I swallow and clear my throat, making Vivian go silent. 

"Viv, what the fuck's wrong, now?" I ask and she sighs, staying quiet. 

"Nothing, Nikki." She says and I scoff, rubbing my jaw. 

"It's clearly not 'nothing' because I heard you blubbering the past ten minutes." I point out and she opens the stall, door, looking me dead in the eye before pushing past me. 

"A lot on my mind, alright?" She mumbles, going to the sink and I lean against the stall, crossing my arms. 

"Like what?" 

"I don't wanna talk about it, Nikki." She tells me, trying to wipe the smeared mascara away. 

"Well, I can't read your mind, Vivian, so if you're upset with me about something th--"

Her head hangs low, a small sob coming from her throat, tears dropping into the sink, her hands white-knuckling the side of the porcelain…

"I'm upset with you about everything." She admits to me, sorrow lacing her words. 

I haven't seen her like this since Vanity aired our dirty laundry out. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't you act like--" she cuts herself off, and I realize she's referring to me telling her I loved her while I was in Japan. 

"Where were you, Vivian?" I ask her out of nowhere, getting defensive. 

"Where was I?" She turns to look at me, wiping her tears, rolling her jaw. "Where were you?" She snaps at me. "Where have you been the last four years?" She asks me. 

"I'm not doing this shit here." I grumble, turning to go. 

"You asked me what was wrong, Nikki, and I'm telling you what's wrong because you asked--"

"--I also asked where you've been while I've been out of town, Vivian!" I turn on my heel, snarling. 

"I've been at home, Nikki!" She yells back. "I've been here, and I've been here for six years! Thinking you'd be right here with me but you're not! That's what's wrong! I've wasted six years of my life on someone who--" 

"--You wasted six years of your life?!" I laugh out humorlessly. "How the fuck do you think I feel? How many things I've missed out on because, 'oh, nah, my wife wouldn't like that'?!" I scream. 

"Must not have been too bad because you sure as hell weren't passing up the opportunity to have a year and half long affair with Vanity!" She wretches and it takes everything in me not to tell her I know about her little thing she has going with Duff. 

"Ya know what, I felt bad for calling you an evil bitch and a cunt earlier but fuck it, you are." I reach for the door and I feel something hit at my back, her heel hitting the floor by my boots. 

I turn at glare at her, her emerald eyes lined black, thick lashes blinking slowly, lips parted slightly as she takes in a heavy breath.

I take a step to her, then another and she steps back to the sink. 

When our lips meet, I'm putting her on the sink, wasting no time to get her dress pushed up her legs. 

"Wait, wait, wait," she gasps out, nudging me away while I unbuckle my belt. 

I catch my breath as she gets off the sink and turns around, looking at me in the mirror. 

I just lift her dress and bend her over, pulling her panties to the side before--

"God, you are so high." She grumbles, pulling me from my imagination, picking her heel up and shoving past me.

Damn her. 

I follow after her back to the guys, and within another hour, once she realizes she's just going to be babysitting us--since she's not fun enough to participate in the coke, pills, and booze--she stands up.

"I'm about to head home." She tells us, and the boys groan. 

"Oh, c'mon, Viv!" Steven complains as she leans down to hug him and tell him bye. 

"I'm tired, Stevie." She states, chuckling, wrapping her arms around Slash's neck from behind him, and he pats her hand. 

"See ya," he tells her. 

"Bye." She says. "It was nice to meet you." She says to Sally, next. 

"You, too." Sally replies. 

"C'mere, c'mere, c'mere!" Robbin calls over the music and she raises a brow and stand behind him, leaning over to see what he wants. 

He just grabs her hand and puts it over his heart. 

"You feel that?" He asks her. 

"Yeah, it feels like you're about to go into cardiac arrest." She comments. 

"It's because of you." He dopily replies and she rolls her eyes and pushes at his chest, shaking her head. 

"You're a mess." She tells him and he kisses the top of her hand. 

"Goodnight, Viv, it was good to see you again." He tells her. 

"It was good to see you, too." She replies, smiling, before pulling away. "Bye, Nikki." She says to me in passing. 

"Fuck you, too!" I call after her as she heads to the stairs. 

The next time I'd see her, she'd be trying to help Sally, Duff, and Steven resuscitate me, and eventually trying to throw herself from the balcony in an attempt to not be left behind while I moved on to where ever the hell we go when we die, begging me not to leave her. I didn't, thanks to adrenaline...but even if I did die, if I had anything to do with it, I still wouldn't have left her.

[glitteronadumpsterfire]

Shoutout to @followthecreeper for making this post and @slavet0thegrind for tagging me 🖤

So, since many of us here miss Alexi, I thought I might make a little fun tagging thing where we could remember him and talk about him. It’s up to you if you wanna answer with words or pictures and whether you wanna answer them all at once or daily. Or not at all ofc, I’m not forcing anyone, I just thought it might be nice.

1) When and how did you become a CoB fan?

I was probably uh... I don't know, about 13? I heard them before then but I didn't like them lmao. My sister got really into CoB when I was about 8 or 9. She was really passionate about them (also has a massive crush on Ale... Can't really blame her) so she made me listen to a couple songs (against my will). I remember very clearly she made me listen to the intro of Downfall and it stuck with me. Flash forward to when I was 13 and I asked my sister to put new songs in my mp3. I was like "What about Children of Bodom?" She looked at me and went "...I thought you hated them!" To that I replied that I was sure, I had changed my mind. From then on I listened to those five CoB songs I had aviable whenever I felt pissed or just felt the vibe for it (usually in winter. I remember listening to them on my way to school in like December on the bus while the sun was rising and I was like "WOW. what a vibe")

2) Do you own any merch?

Working on that! I've been wanting a big ass CoB hoodie for the longest of time but I found only tshirts so far in the places I looked. I might have to make my own merch at this point lmao

3) What is your favourite CoB album?

Hate Crew Deathroll. They really said "oops all bangers" with that one

4) What is your favourite project that Alexi worked on, beside CoB?

Probably The Local Band! I've been discovering his side projects only now and I love the idea of these dudes just jamming their favorite songs they grew up with y'know

5) Have you ever met Alexi?

Unfortunately, I have to say no 💔

6) Have you ever seen CoB live?

Still a no 😭💔

7) What is your favourite Alexi quote?

"Y'know"

Jokes aside lmao, probably that one where he says something along the lines of "don't be afraid to mess the song up, just switch off the the amp and get back in when you're ready. Don't be afraid to fail, that won't happen"

I don't know, I think it's really inspiring and gives you the idea of what kind of a person he is. Hell, I wish he was my teacher in high school bc I sure needed to hear something like that back then

8) What is your favourite Alexi moment?

Probably that moment when he pray painted his eyes in Trashed & Lost in Helsinki. I fucking laugh for ten minutes straight everytime. He's a fucking idiot and I love him

9) What is your favourite thing about Alexi?

I don't know, probably the fact that he didn't let fame get to his head. He always seemed so humble and approachable and like someone who truly loved his fans. The juxtaposition of him being as 'tall' as me, but had this fuck you attitude and was the embodiment of pure rage and chaos, with also the guitar skills of a god, while still having the time of being extremely gay (read it as in "showing affection") with his friends without fearing the judgement of others. The fact that he used his demons and fought them by transforming all his will to self destruct into something creative that could also inspire others. My favorite thing about Alexi is... just Alexi, y'know?

10) What is your favourite picture of Alexi?

I have a lot, and I am an indecisive bitch so you get three instead lmao. I think these sum him up pretty well 😂🖤

11) What’s your favourite guitar solo?

Oh man. There are a lot of great ones. I guess Dowfall or Bed of Razors, I get those solos stuck in my head all the time. Bodom Bitch Terror is up there too. I'd add Angels Don't Kill, but that's my favorite CoB song anyway, so, does it really count?

12) How did Alexi - and CoB - influence your life?

Children of Bodom were literally the only death metal band I could stand. I don't know why, but I refused to listen to anyone else of the genre for the longest of time. And there was something about Alexi's hysterical, rage filled vocals together with guitar solos inspired by classical music that always appealed to me, especially when I was pissed off. They were some kind of comfort that I'd always go back to. They -especially Alexi- were like old friends or distant relatives with whom you'd see each other every once in a lifetime, but when you did, you'd get piss drunk together and do stupid shit, it was pure mayhem and fun. There was also this special feel of them being "my own secret thing" like, I never met someone who listened to them (besides my sister of course) and I was never willing to share their music with anyone else (i don't think the friends I had would've liked them and my ex despised them) so they were super special for me for that reason as well. Like, I was never that vocal about it (not as much as I am with Nikki Sixx and Mötley Crüe), but they actually meant a whole fucking lot to me.

13) What would you tell Alexi if you had the chance?

Just... I don't know. Hug him. Tight. And probably say "I love you. You changed my life. I owe you so much"

...And that was it. Now excuse me while I go cry bc I miss Alexi so much 😭🖤

I tag @allulaiho if you wanna do it 🖤

[monomonomagines]

I really hope this is okay to ask for but it's totally fine if not. Could I get Makoto, Hajime, Chiaki, Nagito, Ibuki, Kaede, Rantaro, and Kokichi with a trans masc s/o who's feeling really down and insecure about his voice/softer features? Like, maybe was feeling pretty good about passing but the got called ma'am a lot throughout the day so he starts withdrawing and getting quieter or something like that. Thanks either way, I'm loving all that you've been writing so far!

Wow, I'm so honored to hear that you've enjoyed my writing. I'm not great at accepting compliments but hearing that really made my day. I hope this will maybe make your day as well anon and if anything isn't to your liking feel free to tell me!

Makoto

This is a literal sunshine boy. If you're feeling down about anything he won't give up until you feel better.

He loves everything about you but can understand how your softer features can be upsetting.

However, like you, he thinks you're passing just fine. He knows it actually and he'll do whatever he can to make you realize it too.

So what you may have some softer features? There are men that are born men that he's completely mistaken for a woman so you must be on the right track since he's never done that with you.

You might get a weird lecture on how you're perfectly passable despite what anyone else says but it's just him trying to make you feel better.

If he can't convince you though, he'll do his best to cheer you up another way he can.

It might be getting you your favorite foods and putting a movie on at home while he gives you words of comfort, or if you're way too down for his liking he might drag you outside to do something fun like mini-golf or laser tag.

Either way like I said he isn't stopping until he cheers you up! He isn't the greatest at understanding what troubles you but he always does his best to learn more to help where he can.

Hajime

He's a lot calmer than Makoto, as in he'll simply sit you down to ask you to elaborate on what's troubling you and letting you cry if you need to on him.

He wouldn't be as clueless as Hajime since he normally learns a lot through helping others but he's calm enough to ask you to explain if he can't understand any part of your issue.

Once he's sure he understands what your issue is he feels awful for you. He just doesn't understand why people can't see you as you are and will do his best to comfort.

He won't force you to cheer up or be like Makoto but he will hold you and give you words of assurance as he holds you to his chest.

He isn't against doing something casual like videogames to cheer you up or putting on a favorite of yours but that won't happen until he's sure you're good.

Then he's trying to do everything he can to take your mind off of what's ailing you all while telling you time to time how he thinks you pass just fine.

Chiaki

She's normally too sleepy to deal with a lot but seeing you upset will immediately wake her up.

She'll want to know what's up and won't fully get it at first.

It's not that she doesn't understand your gender orientation or anything about being trans, she just really doesn't get how anyone would make such an obvious mistake as to call you mam.

She won't do much but like Hajime, she'll give you lots of words of comfort and hold you to her.

If you don't feel better after all that she'll simply pull out a ton of fun games together and let you choose whatever one you want.

She'll even let you be player 1 or use her favorite controller, whatever makes you happy.

In the end, you'll know she cares and thinks you pass just fine. It won't seem like she's just trying to cheer you up either. She believes in you being you and knows you'd do the same for her if she had similar issues.

Nagito

Someone upset you and he's upset as well.

How could anyone do that to his hope? His obviously male hope nonetheless!

He might be a bit rude towards whoever made the mistake if anything happens when he's with you but he means well.

He's just him. He's him and he respects your gender and wants others to see you as what you are.

He'd immediately understand from reading up on the subject as soon as you two started dating and is furious that someone would make you doubt if you were passing.

He thought you were beautiful as you were, even if you had some more gentle features. He by no means looks manly himself so if anyone should be getting called mam he thinks it should be him and not you.

Regardless though he'll remove yourselves if possible and drag you out to buy you whatever you want.

He wants to cheer you up and will do whatever, like Makoto to help.

If that doesn't help though he'll go into a more serious mode where he acts more like Hajime and Chiaki, holding you and letting you cry.

He'll spoil you rotten afterwards even more. He'll get whatever you want for food. you can sleep with him tonight, you can have whatever you want. You could even hit him and he'd let you not that you would.

He just wants to make you feel better at any cost so he'll be more extreme than Makoto but don't worry, he won't force you to be. He wants to genuinely make you smile by the end of the day at least.

Ibuki

Aw yeah! Ibuki in the house!

This girl is a little ditzy at times so she might not notice at first if you are upset so things could go two ways.

You could tell her or wait until she does realize.

Regardless, once she does realize she is all over you.

She's being her usual hyper self, playing music for you and talking your ear off to distract you.

She is the least educated on this topic though so she'll be a little clueless with how to approach the situation otherwise.

She'll make sure you know you're loved just as you are more than really tell you how you're super manly or something to her but she does think you are.

She just probably won't think to say it until she ends up getting hit with the thought of, 'Hey I should tell S/o he's super manly and cool!'

The only issue is, this most likely occurs at sometime at 3 AM when you're not together and then she'll immediately call you like it's an emergency to tell you just that.

She'll ramble on after about some unrelated things once she's done telling you how manly and amazing you are but she's trying.

Before that she'll just perform all day for you and even ask you to tell her more so she can write an extra special song just for you!

If you're still down by the next day she'll have that song ready and waiting.

She'll probably even make an mp3 of it just for you to listen to it whenever you do feel self-conscious about any of your more gentle features.

Kaede

Another great but clueless girl. She's not uneducated on purpose but she just isn't as knowledgable as someone like Hajime.

Regardless she'll try her hardest to help soothe you with your own personal concert.

It's the usual stuff she plays but it's filled with enough emotion that her love for you somehow is felt in each note.

She would want you to feel calmed and at ease so that she can question you about your problem more before fully approaching it.

Once she's sure she understands though she'll be a lot like Makoto as in she'll drag you out of the house to do all sorts of fun things.

She may even keep insisting to take pictures a lot to do something like uploading a bunch of posts about how great of a boyfriend you are.

She wants you to see how you two look together and how you pass as a male to her and all her friends.

She'd hope it helps you appreciate every trait of yours but if it didn't she'd turn to smothering you with affection.

She'd even stay the night with you if it'd help you and tell you the entire time how amazing she thinks you truly are.

Like Ibuki and Nagito, nothing sounds forced or as though they're just trying to cheer you up so there are no doubts but there really isn't with any of these teens.

Rantaro

One of the calmer out of the bunch. Rantaro would simply pull you aside as soon as he realizes something is wrong.

He'd notice so quickly that you wouldn't even have to explain that something is troubling. All you'd need to do is tell him what's going on and he'd be the most understanding.

He knows he's pretty feminine himself so he gets what it's like to feel misgendered and would want to make you feel better more than anything.

His methods would mostly be letting you cry it out while holding you and petting your hair.

But expect to go shopping afterward!

Rantaro is going to, like Nagito, spoil you to no end.

Want that great ensemble in the window of that expensive store? Done. Want a new videogame? You get it.

It doesn't matter what it is he'll buy it as long as it'll cheer you up.

He'll also insist that you stay with him so that he can stay by your side as you get a chance to enjoy your spoils.

He's more of a fashion person but if you got anything like food, a movie, or a game, he'd be open to trying it out with you without any hesitation at all.

He'll do anything for you and tell you as often as possible how amazing you are to him.

Kokichi

As usual, Kokichi isn't great at expressing himself to others due to his own secretive nature. However, that doesn't mean your issue goes unnoticed.

Kokichi isn't manly by any means but he's not as hurt if anyone ever somehow mistakes him for the other gender so it may seem as though he wouldn't be able to understand.

However, he somehow knows before you even say anything what's troubling you.

He's great at reading people so he probably knew of this problem for a while before really addressing it.

Now that you're so down though he'll want to cheer you up. It'll be in his own annoying ways and he won't sing your praises as much but you can tell he means well.

He'll try to make you laugh more than anything by telling a bunch of dumb jokes and memes to you or even by messing with people on the streets just for funsies.

Despite his questionable methods, he's great at what he does and will probably succeed at making you laugh a lot that day.

Once you two are behind closed doors he'll be a bit more serious but don't count on much.

He may start out snuggling you and telling you that he really thinks you're manly and that it's not a lie but soon after he'll go back to his previous antics.

He'll just be goofy and childish until it rubs off on you too.

Somehow though it all he makes you understand that you are perfect the way you are without even explicitly stating it.

What a powerful boy. Good thing he's on your side.

[ktstudyblr]

Evening study bugs!

Now that most kids are back at school (at least where I live), now is a good time to talk about revising content! As a freshly graduated eighteen-year-old, staying on top of content when I was at school was something that was imperative to staying afloat (especially doing as many content heavy subjects as I did). Whether you’re more visual or logistical in the way you learn, I’m sure there will be something for every type of student down below with my six tips to revising content.

One) Type to book revision! This method is a really good one to get into the habit of! I’m sure you’re all well aware of the rush of information being shovelled into your brains as you’re frantically taking down notes before the teacher changes the slide. As someone who loves having a tidy and clean workspace, I want my notes book to look the same as well. However, in class, you’re usually having to compromise the aesthetic value of notetaking for information to make sure you don’t miss out on anything (or vice versa)! So I like to use my computer or a spare book to messily write notes down in class to make sure I get all the information I need. This document or book does not exist to look pretty or make you feel inspired by its beautiful typography or its highlighted headings, but rather as a source of the information you learnt in class. The way I use this to revise is by retyping/rewriting these notes in a document/notebook at home where I have the time and energy to put effort into the aesthetics of my notetaking. When you’re retyping/rewriting notes from your class, you’re revisiting content that you earlier may have just had to briefly look over in order to not miss anything. Looking at a tidy and beautiful display of notes not only can help you visually learn a lot better, but it motivates you to keep learning. But just keep in mind that the appearance of notes does not equate to the quality of note taking and personally should not be valued over retaining information. Making pretty notes is fun but it can shift into procrastination if you let it overtake your ability to retain and revise the information!

Two) Cue cards and flash cards! All throughout high school, cue cards and flash cards were my absolute favourite form of revision! And many of you probably use it now as it’s such a popular way to test yourself and emulate the conditions of an exam or test. The difference I find between cue cards and flash cards is that cue cards provide the information in short summaries whilst flash cards prompt the information on one side, and show the answer on the other, hence testing you. Personally, I like to write down my content onto physical cue cards and test myself. That way, I’m also taking the time to revise the content when I’m writing them down onto the cards! If writing them down isn’t your thing (it can be pretty tedious, especially if there’s a lot of information!), there are plenty of online options to type your information out. Studyblue, Quizlet and making them yourself on Word or Pages are all great alternatives to writing down each bit of content! Before I move onto the next idea, I have two helpful tips in regards to cue/flashcards that may be beneficial when writing/typing them up. The first is to try and pace out your time between studying/homework so you can write up cue/flashcards throughout the year. Take it from me, it’s not a great idea to leave all the content to the last week to type up into cue card form. So, it’s a pretty good idea to gradually keep up with cue/flash card making throughout the year. Also, it’s always a wise idea to keep your cue/flash cards after a test/exam has been completed in case you need to revisit them later!

Three) Unusual reminders! Now this one probably isn’t quite as common or widely used, but it will help you remember information that you’re struggling to retain! I wouldn’t recommend using this tip for all of your information because it's rather suited for content that you’re repeatedly having trouble remembering. In the days or weeks leading up to a test or exam, it's a good idea to write down the content in short, summarised points on individual cards/paper and leave them in places/objects that you use regularly. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering a definition, you could write it down on a small piece of paper and tuck it into your shoes, socks, toothbrush holder, toilet door, wallet etc. Using this strategy will force your mind to view content more regularly (without staring at a book mindlessly) and it will often come to the natural conclusion of retaining that information out of the regularity of your habits!

Four) 5-minute rush! This next one is a good strategy you can do on your own, or with a study group! Create a few main topics that encompass all of the information you’ve learnt for a specific subject and give yourself 5 minutes to write down all of the information you can remember related to that topic on a piece of paper or a computer (but no cheating with notes because it defeats the purpose of the exercise!). After 5 minutes, it’s a good idea to compare and correct the information you wrote down to see the accuracy of your results. This is a good exercise to test your knowledge in time-sensitive conditions. However, if you don’t get all the information you aimed for, don’t be disheartened! Treat it as a learning opportunity to grow and learn more information!

Five) Glass and Mirror learning! This next one is fairly similar to tip three and four as it lends itself to some of the same approaches. However, I use this as a content revision technique because it requires a large surface for you to expand your ideas and knowledge on! What you’ll need for this strategy are some windows or mirrors (that aren’t super valuable, sentimental or dangerous for you to access!) and some window chalk! For those of you unaware of what window chalk is, it usually comes in marker-like tubes and will usually read something like ‘applicable to non-porous surfaces’ on the labelling. But again, probably just read the packaging for whether it is safe on your glass and mirror surface at home. I like using these markers on my long mirrors in my bedroom because they take up a large portion of my room and force me to read them. I find this as a good method a revising content because not only am I writing the information down (a great tool for revision), but I am placing that information in an area where I will regularly view it as opposed to a notebook where you can only view the information if you physically search it up. This strategy is great because the information is always at your disposal in plain sight for when you’re ready to do some light revision!

Six) Podcasts! I got this next tip off of one of my teachers when I was in year nine and it’s honestly a really good tip. At the end of each class when you get home at night, it’s a good idea to read over the notes you learnt in class today and record yourself reading it. Once you’ve done this, you can export it into an mp3 file and import it onto apps such as Spotify for your own personal listening! This is a really great method of revision when you’re in situations where it may not be ideal to whack out the books and start working. If you’re on the train or the bus to school, this is a really great way to revisit content learnt in the class prior so that you give yourself a mental refresher for the class ahead! It’s also a good way to get your mind focused for the day ahead (It’s okay, I sometimes have trouble getting my head into the working grind in the mornings too!) It’s a really great strategy all-round but you may just have to get over the obstacle of hearing your own voice in your ear whilst you get to school!

And that’s all for now folks! I hope you guys can perhaps find at least one thing useful in the above tips and that maybe you want to apply to your next study session! I understand not all of these tips will apply to everyone and that’s cool, but I find when studying something that’s not exactly stimulating, it’s nice to switch up your study method and shift your practice in accordance to the demands of what you are and/or having trouble with learning!

Sorry for the lack of upload as well guys! Just started University this week so uploads may be a tad sporadic from now on, but I’ve got some great ideas and posts coming out soon that have been planned for you all to look forward to!

kt xo

[jadedmidnight]

Knights and Days CHAPTER ONE   (The stranger)

     Virgil hated this place. He hated all the social works, doctors, and therapists trying to fix him. ‘THERE’S NOTHING FUCKING WRONG!’ He wanted to scream each time he was forced into another session or test. It’s not his fault that disaster seems to follow him like a stray dog looking for scraps. Whether it was fires starting mysteriously, glass shattering, even animals attacking his foster family (Though they always deserved that one in Virgil’s opinion.). Unfortunately, no one believed him when he said that the fires, glass, and animal attacks weren’t his fault.

     It didn’t matter now. 4 years of the constant abuse and being ignored made him numb to it. This was Virgil's norm. The little 11 years old was far too mature for his age now because of all the things he’s had to endure. Panic attacks were also commonplace for him now. Severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD are what the doctors had diagnosed him with. Virgil learned not to tell them about the strange things that happened anymore. Not the locked doors that suddenly unlocked, things levitating, and DEFINITELY NOT the animals talking to him. No one could EVER know about that. Virgil REFUSED to go back to the institute...

      Unfortunately, it seems that he may not have a choice this time. For once again disaster had struck. Virgil sits on the floor, leaning against the wall with his hood hiding his face. He didn’t make the dog attack Hank, his foster father. The dog was just protecting him. Not that anyone really cared here.

      His last foster father was an abusive alcoholic. Virgil shuddered, memories of the last few months making his breath quicken. Virgil tries to calm down, but they just keep flashing in his head.

      ‘ Hate. Screaming. Fists. Blood. Hunger. Darkness. Alcohol. Weight on top of him. Crying. Stop. No. Pain. Pain. Pain. PAI-’

       “Hey... Hey... can you hear me?” A gentle voice pierces through the cascade of thoughts. Virgil lifts his head up from his knees, peering through his bangs. A pair of gentle brown eyes met his. Virgil forced himself to nod slightly through his panic. The man in front of him nodded in acknowledgment.

      “Ok. That’s good.” He says gently. “Try this ok? Breathe in for 4 seconds. Can you do that for me?” Virgil, his whole body shaking, does as the man in front of him says, taking a rattling breath in for 4 seconds.

     “Very good. Now hold it for six. That’s it.” The man encourages Virgil as he complies, feeling his panic attack starting to lessen slightly.

        “Now breathe out for 7 seconds. Keep doing this ok. That’s it. You’re doing a great job there.” The man continues to coach Virgil through his panic attack until he can breathe normally. The man smiles at Virgil softly.

       “All better kiddo?” Virgil nods.

       “Yeah...um.. Thanks.. for that...” Virgil says softly. The man runs a hand through his brown and light purple hair, sitting beside him on the floor even though he was getting many strange looks from the people who worked there.

       “I know what it’s like having panic attacks.” The adult tells him. Virgil feels calm, even though this stranger was sitting right beside him, talking to him. Virgil wanted to talk to this man some more but his Social Worker came up to them.

      “Virgil, I’ve found someone who wants to be your new guar-“ She pauses when she finally looks up from her files.

     “-Dian. Oh.Well... It seems you already met them.” Virgil looks at her confused, glancing at the man beside him.

     “What?” Virgil can’t believe what she said. The man who just helped him through a panic attack was his new guardian? He’s gonna end up ruining this man’s life?!! The man just smiles softly, kindness practically radiating from him. The man sticks his hand out to Virgil.

    “Hello, Virgil. I’m Thomas.”

________________________________________________________

Thomas’ POV

    ‘So this is Virgil... Should’ve figured that out sooner. He looks so much like his mother.’ I think to myself as hold my hand out towards the extremely pale, underweight pre-teen, worry gnawing at me. I watch as his silver eyes scan me, a look of fear in them. This makes me a bit sad that an eleven-year-old would feel the need to fear someone who is supposed to be their new guardian. I must admit that I feel a bit of happiness when Virgil finally reaches out and takes my hand, shaking it softly.

     “Hey.” Is all he says before withdrawing his hand, placing it inside his black hoodie’s pocket once more. Virgil hangs his head at an angle so that his ink black bangs obscure his face. I send him another small smile.

    “I have to finish the paperwork right now, but you’ll probably be brought inside the office in a little bit okay?” Virgil just nods his head softly, pulling out an old mp3 play and earphones, putting them in. I look at him one more time before following the social worker into the office. I’m not really paying attention to what’s going on. Thankfully I finish the paperwork and now she is just talking to me and Virgil (he had entered almost immediately after I signed the last paper.) as she got the files in order.   My mind is focused on the one standing beside me, thinking of how to tell Virgil the truth about who and what he is. That is till the woman says something that makes me bristle with anger.

    “Now Virgil is known to start fires and break things, so strict discipline is probably the best way to go.” She rambles, not paying attention to either of us. But I see the way Virgil flinches at her words, slowly sinking into himself as she continues.

“You know how teens can be. So rebellious. Though Virgil should probably be placed back into a behavioral and mental institute in my opinion.” Virgil begins to shake after she mentions the institute. I feel my rage burn so quickly that I dont realize I am snapping till I open my mouth.

“He’s pretty much nothing but troub-”

     “Thanks,” I say sharply, trying hard not to go off on this woman. “But I didn’t ask for your opinion.” My voice is emotionless and cold. “We’ll be leaving now. Have a good day.” I all but snarl, taking hold of Virgil’s wrist gentle so not to startle him and leave the room, the door slamming behind us. I let go of Virgil’s wrist and grab the two bags beside the door and practically march out the building.

    “The nerve of that woman!” I mutter to myself, hearing Virgil’s footsteps behind me so I continue on to my van. “She’s supposed to have his best interest in mind. No wonder it took me so long to find him.”

    “Find me?” I pause, looking behind me at the teen. I flinch at the fear and suspicion in Virgil’s face. I sigh, glad we are only a few feet from my van.

     “I’m an old friend of your mother’s,” I tell him softly, the anger at the woman melting away per norm. I never could hold a grudge for long.

    “I’ll explain everything when we get to our house.” I open the trunk of the van with my keys, placing his bags down before turning towards him once more.

   “I promise.” Thankfully Virgil’s shoulders finally relax as he sighs.

   "Okay." Is all he says before getting into the backseat of the van. I smile, glad I could finally fulfill my promise to Marie.

    "They're all safe now Marie. Just like I promised." I whisper softly before getting into the van and begin to drive home.

@nil-the-glitch

@milomeepit

A/N: So here is Chapter One. the next chapter will be mostly a flashback to what Virgil went through as he grew up. Need some background for our lovable storm cloud. I hope you all liked this. Feedback totally welcomed. I’m trying to make them longer, but this is where my creativity decided to ditch me for now and I wanna post this before I chicken out lol. hopefully Creativity with work with me later tonight and let me get a chapter out that’s more than 2000 works. Love you all!!!!

[everlastingdreams]

Dex x Reader: Sugar Crush Chapter 3

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Notes: I remember using google a lot for this chapter lol

Summary:  Reader moves into the same building as one Agent Poindexter. A bond starts to grow between them. Can the reader move on after a traumatic past ‘relationship’ ?

Chapter: 3/?

Trigger Warning:  Mentions of physical and emotional abuse ! YES this one will come with trigger warnings. I tried not to post too much into detail stuff but this entire thing comes with a trigger warning !

Word Count: 2144

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You woke up early the next morning, when you left your ex you had promised yourself to take the most out of every day. Part of you wanted to stay in bed, but you knew that some fresh air would be good for you. He had wanted you to be afraid, afraid to leave, and you did not want to give him the satisfaction of keeping you scared. And perhaps you could meet more people. You drank your coffee before you switched into your running clothes. It had been so long since you had done a morning run. Your ex used to forbid you to do so, afraid you might start running and never return to him and he was right to think so.

You grabbed your Ipod and looked for a good song with a good beat to it. Lastly you took your bag  that you hanged over your shoulder.

You stepped out of your apartment carrying some pancakes you had packed up. The moment you locked your door, Mr.Wilkinson stepped out of his.

“Mr.Wilki-” he looked at you “..Bob” you smiled at him kindly as you caught yourself. “Goodmorning. I have this for you.”

You walked to him holding out the plate of pancakes.

He looked at you puzzled for a moment before his eyes lit up in suprise as he took the plate from your hands “Oh my ! These smell delicious. My wife once attempted to make these, she however used salt instead of sugar by accident.”

“Really ?” you giggled at his story.

He nodded “Really. She of course refused to admit her mistake.”

You laughed at his words “She sounds like she was quite the woman, Bob.”

“She was. She really was.” His eyes were sad for a moment before his cheery mood returned “Well, I should get these inside. Thanks again (y/n). But..”

You waited for him to continue “Yes?”

He got a bit closer to you “You were able to make these pancakes, does that mean you were able to get an egg from the guy upstairs ?” his whispering suprised you.

“Yes. I also brought him some last night to thank him. We talked a bit.” Why were you whispering as well now??

He seemed suprised “He's a quiet one. Keeps to himself mostly.”

“He's seems nice though.” you quietly informed him.

“Good to hear. This city has a lot of good people in them, but a lot of bad ones too.” he pointed his finger at you as if he was trying to teach a child.

“Well, It's time I go out and meet the 'good' people then. I'm going for a run.” you tilted your head towards the stairs.

He put his hand on the doorknob “That's a good plan. And if you run into the wrong people, keep running.” He patted you on the shoulder as he laughed.

You let out a chuckle “I'll remember that advice, thank you, Bob.”

You waited until he was back in his apartment before you made your way down the stairs and out of the building. You had googled for a good path to run.

The air smelled fresh, the rain from the night before was still drying up on the streets. It was only when the sun started to sting your eye that you realised you had forgotten your sunglasses. You shrugged it off. There was no one in Hell's Kitchen that knew you, who would ask about the bruises  or the cut? Why should you care ? You were free now, and as your feet began touching the ground in a quick pace you also felt free.

You had planned to run along the East River Bikeway, it had been a good decision as you were able to enjoy the company of other early runners and the impressive architecture of the bridges.

Knowing that there were other people following the route you were taking had to be a good sign that this really was a good route for a jog.

You had been running for a while now and you stopped for a moment to catch your breath. Your hands on your hips as you breathed out.

You heared a yelp and you looked up and around you instantly. A girl had fallen on the ground. You hurried to her side “Hey, are you okay ??” you held your hand out to her and she took it. You pulled her to her feet again.

“Hey, Thank you. I tripped over an empty beer bottle I believe.” she brushed the dirt off of her knees.

You noticed what looked like a broken MP3 player laying on the ground right next to her feet.

“Is this yours ?” you kneeled and picked the MP3 player up from the ground. The sudden sad look on her face confirmed your suspicions.

“Yes. I can't believe it is broken.” you handed it to her and she desperately tried to switch it on.

The way she looked at the MP3 player in despair made you think that this girl didn't have the budget to get a new one. It made you think back to the days where you yourself missed having one, music just made the world better, a way to escape the harsh reality.

You took your earphones out and grabbed hold of your Ipod “Hey, I'm sorry about your player. Look, I uhm.. I have another one of these at home and I would love for you to have this one.” you held out your Ipod to her. Her eyes widened as she looked at the Ipod in your hand “What ?.. no I can't accept that..” she stammered.

You just smiled at her “I know how shitty it can be to exercise without listening to music. And this one isn't new or anything. Just an old Ipod. I barely use it anymore.” It was a lie, you bought the thing new not long ago. You placed it in her hand and she looked at it in disbelieve “Thank you so much ! This is just.. wow.” her excitement was worth the Ipod.

“You're very welcome. Sorry if the music on it isn't that new, you will notice I am a Queen fan.”

She shook her head as she figured out how to work with the Ipod “That's perfect! I am too. Hey, listen uhm.. if you give me your number, perhaps I can find a way to repay you for this.”

You held up your hand “No.. you don't have to-”

“Please ? you have been so kind.” she interupted you.

You nodded in agreement and gave her a number. Not your number, you didn't want her to feel like she owes you something.

You talked to her for a bit longer before you said your goodbye's and she went back to run in the other direction.

You wanted to check what time it was and grabbed your phone from your bag.

As you took your phone out of your bag to check the time you weren't paying much attention to your surroundings.

That's when it happened, you felt a strong pull on your shoulder almost making you drop your phone.

The pull was short but forceful, and you couldn't believe your eyes as you realised what was happening. A guy was running away from you now, in his hand he was holding your bag.

A gasp escaped you as you saw it “HEY !!!! STOP!!!” you bolted after him.

Hell no, you were not going to let someone just steal your bag like that.

The other runners moved aside in suprise at what was happening. You tried to keep up but damn this guy was fast.

A sudden breeze of air passed over your shoulder, it took you a second for your eyes to register what had caused the breeze. What was that ??

The object hit the back of the thief hard and he stumbled and hit the ground face first.

You stopped dead in your tracks when you saw it happen, the thief was on the ground and next to him.. a water bottle ?

You started walking towards the thief, still wanting your damn bag back.

Someone ran passed you and once they were past you he turned around “Wait here. And call the police.” your eyes now focused on the person in front of you.

Your mouth fell open in suprise as you saw your neighbour from the floor above you standing in front of you, wearing a running outfit and cap.

“Dex ?” you gawked at him.

He nodded as he held up his hand, telling you to stay put. You started to dial the number and explained what was happening to the police. He turned back to the thief who was starting to get up “FBI !” Dex said casually as he walked to the thief “I'd suggest you stay down.”

He grabbed the thief harshly and restrained him with ease as he used his knee to keep the thief on the ground and held the thief's hands behind his back.

The police soon arrived at the scene and Dex pulled the thief off of the ground and walked him over to the police vehicle. You had to stay and tell the police what had happened.

“So he stole your bag and then you were chasing him?” the cop asked you.

You rubbed your arms “That's correct.”

“What happened after that ?” the cop was taking notes as you answered the questions.

“The asshole tripped over his own feet and hit the ground.” Dex spoke up before you could.

You looked at him, knowing damn well that that wasn't the complete truth. You knew the thief was struck by a water bottle and that was what made him fall.

The cop looked a bit suspicious “Is that correct, Miss ?”

“Yes, he tripped and fell. That is when Special Agent Poindexter restrained him until you arrived here.” you decided to lie, he did just stop a thief that tried to steal your bag. Dex's eyes fell on you momentarily when he heard you confirm his version of the story.

“Alright then. I'll be taking this guy back to the precinct. If we should need any further information we will contact you. Have a good day, Miss (l/n).” the cop tells you. “Good job, Special Agent Poindexter.” he gives Dex a tap on the arm before he gets in his vehicle and drives of with the thief.

“I'd take it that throwing a water bottle at a thief isn't something the FBI teaches you, Special Agent Poindexter ?” you turned to look at him, wanting to see his reaction.

He looked around him before he finally looked at you “No, they stick to teaching us how to beat them up or shoot them most of the time.” there was a tad of sarcasm in his voice.

“Shame. It would be a very entertaining sight.” you dryly told him.

He let out a chuckle and moved his hand over his face “Yeah. It would be..yeah.”

“Thank you, Dex. Thanks for saving my bag, I don't know what I would have done without my favorite granola bar that I carry with me. I mean, imagine me running all this time and no snack to reward myself ? It would have been horrible.”

He looked at you before he shook his head and placed his hands on his waist. A smile slowly growing on his face “You are by far the strangest person I've met so far.”

You pretended to be insulted “Says the guy who took a guy down by throwing his freaking water bottle at him.” you crossed your arms “Besides, everyone needs a little 'strange' in their lives. Life would be boring otherwise.”

His eyes landed on yours as he appeared to think about what you had just told him.

There was something in the way he looked at you that made you wonder if he found you strange as in too strange. Or strange as in interesting.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest as well and blinked a couple of times before he spoke “Good point.”

He kept his eyes on you and you were lightly swaying yourself to try and keep yourself warm as the air was starting to get colder.

He noticed your discomfort “Hey..(y/n)..-”

“Do you want to go and grab a coffee ?” the question fell from your lips faster “My treat, of course.”

His brow rose in suprise at your question, a lopsided smile making it's way on his face “Sure. I've got some time.”

“Great. There's a place close by that I know off.” your voice was cheery.

You two decided to walk the short distance instead of running. Chasing a thief was all the workout you needed for the day.

Please let me know if you want to be tagged when I update this series !!!!

[shewasanamericangirl]

screamin bout zi-o 36

i had fun doing this last week, so let’s make another screencap post! of course, i said that, and then it took several days to upload all the pictures because tumblr just stops fucking working sometimes. anyhoo! it’s yuko kitajima roast hour. image-heavy and spoiler-heavy, naturally.

so ginga blew everyone up and they ran away to a sewer it seems.

honestly that theory makes as much sense as anything else on this booty ass fuckin’ kamen rider show

i was just like...he isn’t

but then he was

swartz: she could step on me in those red pumps and i’d say Thank You

hora: i regret so much right now

uhr: *shonen anime character walking down the street pose*

then over quartzer plays and im starting to feel a little lost because i don’t get to hear about the episode according to woz’s book? hello??

yuko’s still out gettin her spa treatments and shit, god only knows how she got the money for all that, and somehow she never crosses paths with the cops or anyone who recognizes her from the news?? uh

honestly yeah?? a queen deserves to look GOOD. her theme music is eerily sexy, i need an mp3 of it right now

don’t get me wrong, im well aware that swartz is being a suck-up to try and get yuko to help with his plan to seize ginga’s power, but damn im kinda shipping swartz with yuko now too...i mean, he WAS looking at her while doing the sexy ice cream thing last week. what flavor ice cream would yuko be? black cherry chip maybe?

(headcanon: woz tries apple pie ice cream and declares it a crime against both apple pie and ice cream alike--but he still eats the whole coneful)

hora and uhr get ZA WARUDO’D down the stairs by swartz

we were all uhr right here

yeaaaaaah she just doesn’t want to fight ginga

tsukuyomi’s a mood. someone put a band-aid on geiz’s forehead pls

ok woz i get that if you’re looking for a despotic ruler to follow that yuko is likely a better bet than sougo, but you’re missing an important detail: if yuko actually had a shot at becoming queen of everything, she’d already have one of you in tow, and you would most likely hate each other.

...majou means “demon queen” in this case, not “witch”, right?

aaaaaand this...is the moment when yuko started making me very uncomfortable. the way she responds: “yes...i do remember. it’s you.”

and sougo’s face just lights up--my guy, she could so easily be lying. she didn’t say one thing about the band-aid or the playground or anything that’d indicate she’s actually sougo’s crush.

like...if not for the fact that sougo had such a crush on the seifuku girl, it wouldn’t be all that major a memory. it likely wasn’t for the girl in question--just a happy sunny day cheering up a lonely little boy. a beautiful memory, yes...but memories fade.

can someone please explain to me why woz’s characterization is all over the place in kiva arc? are you pro-yuko or anti-yuko, woz? i don’t understand what’s going through his pretty head at all honestly. he gets pretty taciturn in the scenes he’s not inhaling pie, but then at times he seems to think yuko’s cool aaaaaagh i don’t know

junichiro: meowing, just wanted an excuse to cook lots of food

sougo: “yay, uncle’s cooking!”

woz: [deadpan monotone] “yaaaaaaay uncle’s cooking...”

ive had enough of this evil bitch honestly but when she points it’s still Good Shit

ridiculous move name, but also an awesome move name

and turning to stone to heal up while the sun’s clouded over? very cool

denied

i noped so hard at this part. like...i really do feel protective of sougo. yuko doesn’t give a damn about him, she just doesn’t want him to get in her way.

nope. no. nuh uh. you two step away from each other right now.

YOU CANNOT MAKE BABIES WITH AN IDIOT FETUS

ok but in all seriousness, do you want time jackers? because, im calling it now, letting oma zi-o go in raw is how you get time jackers.

yeah im pretty sure miho would’ve kept at it if she’d lived, and yuko...shes not gonna listen to sougo

thank you for the much needed reality check furry man

so she’s a...fu-joshi? 👀

☝☝☝

yuko wears such fabulous shoes

was anyone surprised at this point that yuko was the real killer? i sure wasn’t. not after all the obvious lies.

i love her leitmotif. i need it. where do i download

SHE DIDN’T PROMISE SHIT

hey kids! it’s time for *mashes play button* la-la-la lies! yeah, tell me that you love me! la-la-la-lies! look deep into my eyes! la-la-la-lies! say there’s no one else above me! i’m the king of fools, cuz baby, you’re the queen of actually very hurtful and manipulative lies!

that’s such bullshit

now im the last person to be like “don’t play the dead mommy card”--i practically keep that card in the hello kitty wallet my dead mommy gave me. but i bet you yuko’s mom is just fine (aside from living with the trauma of knowing her daughter’s a murderer and pathological liar).

sougo,,,,,pls

thank you tsukuyomi. god sougo really needs a chaperone with yuko around, he’s way too dumb and thirsty.

GUESS WHO’S BACK. BACK AGAIN. fortunately, it seems swartz and woz have been just standing there watching him for the duration of the rain shower.

lest we forget (because i didn’t screencap it), when zi-o took the brunt of ginga’s attack earlier, it sent him flying. now, that’s a human body, which has some ability to absorb force because it’s mostly pretty soft and fluid. yuko’s manhole cover almost completely absorbed this blast--she barely shifted her weight on impact. is it just that she’s THAT ripped? 

then The Boys rider kick ginga to oblivion. rip ginga, you didn’t have a personality or a character arc, we never even saw you un-transformed--you were just a cool looking plot device with pretty attacks. but for that much, we appreciate you!

swartz looks so pleased with himself. he must not have watched the preview for this episode.

YOINK! gotta love how swartz doesn’t look surprised so much as puzzled.

sure am glad kurowoz took his other self’s advice and kept an eye on swartz

i love it so much how woz just has these magic scarf powers and it needs no explanation? hell, he can fly and time travel and make people fall asleep and he’s super strong too, with no explanation? and he’s the comic relief? ALSO HE’S REALLY HOT? woz is a being to behold honestly

speaking of super strong and really hot, yuko is KILLING IT in that gown. i mean...i guess that’s the intention. killing it. cuz she’s a homicidal maniac. haha.

she’s so good at pointing. yuko could be a prosecutor in shuichi kitaoka: ace attorney. (FUND IT)

yuko throws her manhole cover at the boys (rude!) and next we see geiz holding it. a shame we don’t get to see him snatch it out of midair. or did woz catch it and just hand it to him? we may never know.

zi-o. listen to geiz, zi-o. use the fucking watch. just use the watch, zi-o. you seriously plan on just letting another kiva go on a killing spree? do you not get by now what she’s capable of?

thank goodness zi-o has his retainers to make wise decisions so he doesn’t have to.

please note the placement of mars on ginga woz’s suit. very important.

I Love You

lmao

WHERE IS YOUR MANHOLE COVER NOW

my favorite character gets a beautiful rainbow final attack. i feel so blessed.

i mean...protecting all mankind would probably include protecting them from people like yuko. just sayin.

is it bad of me that my immediate thought right then was “at least woz’s attack wasn’t what did her in.”

this shot, especially in the context of the church, definitely gave me pieta vibes--albeit reversed somewhat.

weirdly enough, woz does an outro instead of an intro this episode.

at this point while watching, i said to shylax “you know what this calls for? pie!” but before i could finish--

--PIE! cmon sougo, it’s time to gobble up your feelings!

fucking woz, i swear, you have pie in your mouth and pie in your right hand and pie on your FACE and when your overlord expresses how miserable he is you just go for his uneaten pie with your empty hand.

...is it normal to eat pie like this in japan? because the only times i’ve seen americans make this much of a mess eating pie is when they’re toddlers.

oh hey, what do you know? looks like sougo’s first love wasn’t a violent crazy person after all. she also wasn’t yuko.

sougo’s just an idiot who will mistake any older woman who rubs him on the chin and calls him cute for his sailor girl.

previews!

i blame joshua kiryu

how eloquently this one line sums up not only kamen rider zi-o but kamen rider decade as well. that’s it, that’s the show. that’s the clusterfuck we will inevitably get whenever toei decides to make a kamen rider crossover.

LOOK AT THIS! TSUKUYOMI REMEMBERED SOMETHING! who is she smiling at? is it her dad? is that swartz behind her?! omg baby tsukuyomi is so CUTE!

“a team”. uh huh. is that what the youth are calling it these days? cuz when i was a wee lass, i believe they called it “fucking”.

so what have we learned this week?

very little about ginga

sougo does not remember faces all that well

before sougo dates ANYONE that person should be fully vetted by junichiro, geiz, tsukuyomi, and woz because CLEARLY HE CANNOT SAFELY CHOOSE A PARTNER FOR HIMSELF

i still really like yuko as a character, if not as a person. same as i enjoy junji ito manga, but would be very upset if most of it happened in real life.

swartz loves a woman who can kick his ass

what the fuck are manhole covers in this world

i can’t wait for baby tsukuyomi flashbacks! that, and more tsukasa.

[allenmendezsr]

I Can. Therefore I Will

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/i-can-therefore-i-will/

I Can. Therefore I Will

 Buy Now

    Discover The ‘Secret Sauce’ That Will Supercharge Everything In Your Life And Change Your Destiny At Will Simply By Applying This Simple ‘I Can’ Principle And Attract Virtually Anything You Want In Life!

From The Desktop Of Carolyn Hansen

Dear Self Improvement Enthusiast,

Right now, I am going to share with you something that will blow your mind:

“At any one time, the decisions you make will change the rest of your life forever!”

That is how powerful your thoughts are – you have the ability to change the rest of your life just by thinking certain thoughts.

Unfortunately, most people simply do not know how to harness their mind at all.

Like an out of control wild stallion, people do not know how to tame the power of the mind and it winds up flipping them around like a roller coaster and they wind up thinking and attracting all the stuff they don’t want.

Instead of manifesting their dreams, their minds become a breeding ground of negativity and nightmares.

But there is always a better way than getting stuck in this rut, right?

In fact here’s a true story about how someone went from literally nothing to someone that triumphed against all odds simply because he believed that he could…

From Paralyzed To Powerful…

Have you heard of Bill Bartmann?

His company was named in “Inc. 500”… again! This is the fifth time this ultra successful mogul has made the list.

But most people wouldn’t imagine that this mogul used to be a high school dropout and an alcoholic who had tripped down a flight of stairs when he was drunk.

He got paralyzed and the doctors almost wiped out his future by telling him that he would never walk again – cut down at the ripe young age of 17.

Can you imagine if you were told that you would not be able to walk again at that age? Can you imagine the trauma a young 17 year old with his whole life ahead of him would feel?

The despair would probably eat most teenagers alive.

But he wouldn’t have it – he made up his mind from the start that he would DEFY his destiny. He refused to resign to living the rest of his life in and out of a wheelchair and he did what most people would never do.

As he sat in his hospital bed, he willed himself into moving his toe.

He spent days, weeks just trying… to move ONE toe.

And it took him a lot of effort just to do it, and eventually he made it!

Since that miracle, he spent every single night in the hospital engaging in a regimen of intense physical activity which was equivalent to an Olympic level workout for his condition.

He finally regained the use of his legs by sheer willpower and the belief that he could do it against all odds.

Did You Know That You Have That Same Power Within You To Create Extraordinary Results In Your Life?

I’m going to be very honest with you here…

You have the same ability within you – to manifest anything you want and it would be such a terrible shame to let it go to waste.

You have the power within you to:

I believe that you have all the power within you and I’m going to show you how to harness this power right now!

Why Should You Listen To What I Have To Say?

My name is Carolyn Hansen and I am fitness expert, serial entrepreneur as well as a personal development enthusiast.

I used to be in your shoes.

I had trouble manifesting my dream life not because I wasn’t working hard, but I was doing it all wrong.

After much trial and error, I learned a very important lesson:

Creating your ultimate destiny and living the life of your dreams is not a skill reserved for a select few.

Everyone has the same energy system available to them – that’s why it is not about working ‘harder’ but accessing this power in a smarter, more efficient way.

That is why I’ve created this course just for you.

This course will help you discover how to access your energy and become the creator of your own reality.

Presenting:

The Complete Course On Creating Your Ultimate Manifesting Your Destiny!

In this never before released course, I will take you by the hand and show you how you can sculpt your ultimate destiny by harnessing the most powerful tool in your arsenal – your mind.

This course consists of 8 components:

As you devour the content here, it will reveal the secrets behind creating your dream life.

Let’s look in detail at what you will find within these course materials:

The Definitive Guide Of ‘I Can. Therefore, I Will’

This is the essential guide book to ‘I Can. Therefore, I Will’. In this course, you will unlock the most important tools behind your mind and discover how powerful it truly is. Learn how to make your mind work for you rather than against you when it comes to manifesting your dreams. Learn how your energy, your health, your personal power and goal setting are all intertwined in it’s power.

Here’s what you’ll discover in the main course:

How To Get Started (Page 10) – Everyone knows that taking the first step is usually the hardest step in any form of personal change. You will learn how to kick start your engine and learn the art of changing with ‘ease’ rather than with brute force which does not work.

Increase Your Awareness For What Is Possible (Pages 14 – 15) – Many people tend to live their lives on ‘autopilot’ making choices and decisions based on circumstances and impulse. Learn how to take full control of your every thought so you can turn the impossible into ‘I-M-Possible’!

Harness The Power Of Positive Thinking (Pages 20 – 22) – If you are constantly feeding your mind with negative thoughts, it’s a sure fire way to know that you are not getting what you want but what you don’t want in life. This will help you to turn the tides in your favor.

Easily Take Control Of Your Emotions (Page 25) – Do you feel trapped by your emotions? Have no fear because this technique will teach you how to ‘switch on’ the right emotions and ‘switch off’ the wrong emotions and take full control of them.

Talk Your Way Into Abundance! (Pages 30 – 36) – If you feel that your negative self talk is getting you down, then don’t worry because here, you will have the exact tips on how you can examine your speech patterns and talk your way into abundance.  

The Best Way To Take Action (Pages 41 – 43) – Everyone knows that taking action is important but sometimes it is too hard to get started… read these pages and learn the right way to jump up and take action right away!

Train Yourself Physically, Mentally And Emotionally (Pages 44 – 47) – Learn why living a balanced ‘fitness’ routine for every area of your being is truly essential for you to get what you want in life and blast through all obstacles.

Reprogram Your Mind (Page 49) – Learn how to change the way you think by using _________ the right way…

The Power Of Supportive Beliefs (Page 53) – Have you mastered the art of choosing your reality? This will help you to manifest your dream life on autopilot…

Gain Unlimited Energy (Page 61) – Discover why you say or do something and how it impacts with the universe and what you create from it.

And many more!

The Goal Setting Work Book

This goal setting workbook is very important because we will break down the most difficult parts about goal setting into easy baby steps. It will keep you accountable to your word and help you to internalize daily action habits so that your habits will become a permanent part of your life.

Here’s what you’ll discover in this workbook:

Exercises on what you did great last year and how to propel this year

Set an intention to increase your focus on certain areas of attention

Resolve to change certain bad habits and take on good ones

Set definite goals and propel your success 

Harness the power of specificity

How to set goals from your heart so you will succeed at all costs

How to break them all down into baby steps so everything is achievable

And more…

The Audio Components Of The Product Series

Based on the work of Carolyn Hansen, Dr. Patrick Porter (PhD) has designed a Brainwave Entrainment (BWE) series that will help you to super-charge the core message in ‘I Can, Therefore I Will’.

These sessions are designed to train the subconscious to work in harmony with your conscious mind as you read through and practice the core message in this course.  

Below, you will find in detail what each audio CD will teach you:

Audio 1: Building Your New Thought Generator MP3 Audio

New thoughts lead to new actions. In this program Dr. Porter will help you through the science of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) to use your most powerful asset, “Your Mind.”. As you learn that thoughts are more powerful than things and thoughts create things you will begin to think beyond the past in new and better ways that will help you create the life you really want.

Audio 2: Beyond Positive Thinking MP3 Audio

In Dr. Porter’s over 27 years of helping people he has seen the ‘flaws’ of positive thinking alone and how it actually prevents people from taking action. With this work Carolyn has distilled down the secrets to moving beyond positive thinking into a world of infinite possibilities where your other-than-conscious can take over and put your success on autopilot.

Audio 3: Change Your Inner Self Talk – Change Your Life MP3 Audio

We have constant conversations within ourselves. Is yours supportive and positive or demotivating and negative? Self-talk is the lubrication to action. With the right inner talk powerful action can take place. In this program Dr. Porter guides you through Carolyn’s breakthrough exercises that will having you making your positive change in days instead of months.

Audio 4: Taking the 1st Step to Your – ‘I Can’ Action Plan MP3 Audio

All behaviors are useful in the right context. The problem is if the subconscious is left up to its programming, it will continue to give you what you have already got. Dr. Porter will teach you how to transform negative behaviors into positive patterns of improvement. Imagine your life when procrastination leads to motivation and when fear transforms into personal power.

Audio 5: Creating Your ‘I Can’ – Challenge Breakthroughs MP3 Audio

During Carolyn’s years of research she has noticed that there is a strong desire for a challenge. With this program Dr. Porter will show you why it is important to face these challenges and plan for success instead of counting on failure. Today is the day you choose to succeed knowing that how you do the smallest of things you do the big things.

Audio 6: Living The Dream…Infinite – Possibilities & Opportunities MP3 Audio

Reading and assimilating the wisdom found in the “I Can. Therefore I Will” is the first step. With this breakthrough session you will employ your access to an infinite mind. Dr. Porter will teach you the time tested techniques used by the world’s greatest inventors to awaken their genius in their dreams. As you harness the power of your dreams you will achieve the seemly impossible by accessing your inventive mind through the use of neuro-sensory algorithms to awaken your dreams.

I have learnt so much from this book, it was a tremendous eye-opener for me because it showed me how to be honest with myself and how to live life to my fullest potential.  I’m really excited and feel like I can take on the world now. LOL. Many of the issues you wrote about totally mirrors my life.  And I thought that was amazing! This is probably the first time that I have ever experienced anything that has helped me overcome my procrastination habits in a real and tangible way.

– Nancy Newman – age 29

“I Can. Therefore, I Will”, is dynamite! From first page to last, it went above and beyond what I had expected.  To be honest, I thought it was going to be another compilation of positive-thinking hash. This book is completely different! You’ve got to read it for yourself to see what I mean. I feel she has deposited something very meaningful in me through the pages of this book.

– Shannon Bonner – age 44

Congratulations on your new book!  We have copies of your other books too, including “Weight Loss Motivation Bible”. I can’t begin to tell you how much you have already helped us to improve our life. Last year we lost over 15 pounds between us, thanks to your easy weight loss guides. I can’t wait to get started on, “I Can. Therefore I Will”. It sounds like explosive stuff!

– John and Paula – ages 48 – 50

Your book is brilliant. Surely worth its weight in gold!  It’s so perceptive that everything you say makes absolutely perfect sense. It’s focused to help people like me overcome low self-esteem, unproductive habits and irrational fears. Thank you for inspiring me to get on the right track and a new mindset to achieve my goals and enjoy new successes.

– Amy Mayers – age 32

I love your book!  I especially liked Chapter 7. Your book doesn’t just give a bunch of ambiguous answers to some vague questions. It really delivers! Thanks so much for this genius piece of work!

– Ian Strand – age 53

I separated from my husband of 8 years in November last year.  I had felt then as if my whole world had come crumbling down. I cried when I read your book. It’s both inspiring and powerful!  You’ve showed me that I have so much to live for and so much to look forward to.  You’ve helped make me stronger.  I only wish I had found your book sooner. 

– Stephanie Cormier – age 35

Are You Ready To Access Your Inner Power And Create Your Dream Life?

If you are feeling overwhelmed by this realization of your inner power, don’t worry – I know exactly how you feel when I first realized this power within myself.

Therefore, I would love to share with you a modified quote inspired by a powerful spiritual activist and expert – Marianne Williamson.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? 

Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make and manifest the glory of the infinite universe that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

All I can say is most people tend to fear success more than failure.

They are afraid of the responsibility they have to bear if they actually succeed.

The fear that:

You will actually be responsible for having millions of dollars in your bank account to manage

You will be surrounded by positive, encouraging friends that will help you to get to the next level (whether you like it or not…)

You will have to be with the love of your life – a person who loves you and cherishes you

You will have tremendous confidence in your life to do anything you want without fear

You will be living your dream lifestyle and really, truly be happy

If this dream scares you, then you DO feel the prompting from the universe or from your higher self.

Then I strongly encourage you to take the next step and go all the way with this.

Don’t hold back and let your light shine!

And best of all, I will completely eliminate all risk from the equation:

The last thing I can say is this and this is a quote from the popular movie – ‘The Matrix’:

Morpheus: I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.

So don’t hesitate and walk through the door now by grabbing a copy of this course!

To your success!

Carolyn Hansen

P.S. Your life begins right now. Remember that at any one time, the decisions you make will change the rest of your life forever and you’ll only know for sure once you invest in this course

P.P.S. You are protected by my 100% money back guarantee so don’t worry about the risk. It’s all taken care of.

© Copyright 2017 Carolyn Hansen. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

#1yrago Global trumpism: how India's brutal leader manufactures reality with trumped-up "polls"

Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi is an authoritarian war criminal who is part of the worldwide surge of trumpist leaders and hopefuls, including Philippines president Rodrigo Duterte; Hungary's Viktor Orbán; Russia's Vladimir Putin; South Korea's Park Geun-hye; France's Marine Le Pen; the UK's Nigel Farage, Turkey's Recep Tayyip Erdoğan and others -- bound together by xenophobia, a lack of transparency, violent suppression of opposition, and savvy use of the internet.

We don't yet have a name for these powers yet, in the same way that the early 1930s didn't have a name for the "Axis powers" and even today it's hard to pin down exactly what the Axis was -- a military alliance, an ideological fraternity, a marriage of convenience -- and who was and wasn't a part of the Axis.

But they are starting to cohere into a movement whose shared characteristics are increasingly visible. One element of this is "post-truth," which has been part of the ruling class's playbook for decades (think of Iran-Contra, the complacency regarding the credit bubble, and, of course, the WMD lie that led to the Iraq invasion).

But the new world of post-truth has a different character; as Masha "Autocracy: Rules for Survival" Gessen points out in this important On the Media segment, the autocratic version of post-truth doesn't really make a pretense to being truthful: when Trump says there were millions of fraudulent votes, he is really saying two things: first, for the lowest of low-information voters, he's saying "hey, there are millions of fraudulent voters"; but for everyone else who knows, on some level, that this isn't true, he is saying, "I can say whatever the fuck I want and you egghead liberal pussies can't do shit about it," which serves the dual purpose of demoralizing his opponents and making him seem more godlike to the worshipers in his cult of personality.

When Brexiteer Michael Gove said that "people in this country have had enough of experts," he was acting out this playbook, asserting his faction's right to manufacture a new reality to counter the well-known liberal bias of reality.

The Brexit project is built around this reality-manufacture enterprise. That's why when the best-respected nonpartisan experts released a dismal economic forecast for post-Brexit Britain, right wing politicians slammed them for daring to defy their manufactured world. As Karl Rove said in the early days of this political moment, "[you are] in what we call the reality-based community, [you] believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality. That's not the way the world really works anymore. We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors…and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do."

Which brings me to Modi, who presides over "the world's largest democracy." Modi recently surprised his 1.25B citizens with an announcement that all bills worth more than about $7.50 would be taken out of circulation in 50 days, and that old notes had to be exchanged by queuing up at banks and changing no more than about $150 at a time, with a weekly per-person maximum of about $350. The rubric for this "demonetisation" is to fight corruption, money laundering and terrorism (India is consistently at the bottom of the World Corruptions Perception Index).

However, the move has been controversial (to say the least) -- so widely deplored across all ranks of Indian society that it threatens Modi's reality-manufacture enterprise.

To reassert his trumpian reality, Modi used his app to "poll" the Indian public on demonetisation (like Trump, Modi uses online tools to communicate directly with his base, bypassing the press).

The demonetisation poll is a literal national joke in India, as it is so fantastically biased in its use of leading questions ("Do you think the evil of corruption and black money needs to be fought and eliminated?" is the second question on the survey) and its obvious sampling deficits -- the Modi app can only be accessed by the minority of Hindi/English speaking Indians who also own smartphones, and is most likely to be installed by Modi supporters.

The push-poll methodology is well understood. It featured in a classic -- and now revived -- episode of the UK political sitcom Yes, Minister that is tearing up the charts among Indian internet users.

But also familiar is the use of polls that disproportionately survey a trumpist's political base as a way of proving that the trumpist leader's policies are broadly supported -- this was something Trump himself did frequently in the runup to the election, and is making even more recourse to now that he is struggling to reconcile the ego-bruising reality of having to govern for the next four years as America's worst-performing minority president of all time.

The always-outstanding More or Less podcast (MP3) features the Modi poll in this week's episode as a teaching exercise for understanding the abuse of statistics and polls as a means to political ends.

But as important as it is to understand the statistical incoherence of using your followers' answers to leading questions as a proxy for the entire country's opinion, it's even more important to put this move into its wider context as a post-truth, Rovean, trumpist tactic used to create "new reality."

Reality is real. As Peter Watts points out, there is no negotiating with the climate, despite what Trump thinks: "Okay, we’ll cut our bitumen production by 15%, but then you have to increase your joules/kelvin by at least 5" is not a scientific proposition. But reality assertion can be delayed until the people who denied it have made their exit.

The world's super-rich are engaged in what can only be described as secession. As the world's real economy has been eclipsed by the shadow economy of offshore tax-avoidance, as climate has been forced out of the Overton window and the window is slammed shut behind it, it seems like the plan for the future is to fly from mountaintop to mountaintop, high above the rising sea, interbreeding a race of weak-chinned, entitled, murderous idiots who are brought into contact via Harrier jet for scheduled mating visits.

They don't need to prevent climate change or global economic collapse, they merely need to (literally) rise above it. Just as the criminals behind the 2008 collapse cashed out and walked away free and wealthy, just as CEOs can hollow out their companies, collect bonuses, and deploy their golden parachutes before the crash, so too do the trumpists and their courtiers expect to saunter away from the wreck whistling while the rest of us dig through the rubble for canned goods and drink our own urine.

In ten or twenty years, we'll know what trumpism is really called, and who it applies to. In the meantime, there's another political movement in potentia that we have no name for, the group that Rove sneered at and called "the reality-based community." If you are as worried as I am about Trump, you are fighting the same thing that the Turks who are fighting Erdoğan, the Filippinos who are fighting Duterte, the French who are fighting Le Pen, the Russians who are fighting Putin, the Syrians who took to the streets against Assad, the Occupiers, the Idle No Mores, the Arab Springers, are fighting. We don't have a name yet, and we're not entirely sure what to call the other side, either, but these are the sides, and they are forming.

https://boingboing.net/2016/12/03/trumpisms-global-playbook-h.html

[markwatkinsconsumerguide]

Consumer Guide / No.88 / author of the UK’s First Bubbling Under Book, ‘Hits That Missed’, Michael Hows (aka Colin Driscoll) with Mark Watkins.

MW : Your new book, ‘Hits That Missed’, was 15 years in the making. Why did you set out on this journey, and what were some of the steps (and obstacles overcome) along the way?

MH : When I retired from a job that involved writing I decided to set myself a project which still involved writing. I had always been interested in 1950’s music and I recall Record Mirror published individual dealer returns from which they compiled the Top 20, but there were many other records that were in these returns that didn’t make the charts, so I set out to log these. I didn’t realise how long it would take and what a difficult journey I would embark on.

MW : Why did it take so long?

MH : I first bought up as many of the pre-1961 Record Mirror’s from ebay as I could costing thousands of pounds to lighten the load, as the only place in the UK where these magazines are located en masse was at The British Newspaper Library at Colindale, London (now at The British Library King’s Cross, London).

Record Mirror, which came out weekly, was published from June 1954 and stopped its published dealer returns in March 1961 (the time span of my book). So there are about 350 magazines to carefully trawl through and log the relevant details and put them on a spreadsheet. I could generally get through about ten Record Mirrors per visit to Colindale, but it was not a quiet library and there were lots of distractions so it was tiring maintaining my concentration at times, often meaning I had to double-check the results. I hate to think how many journeys I made to London using the Northern Line to Colindale tube station. I suppose this labour of love did not make economic sense, but it was a project I was determined to complete - although I did not think it would take 15 years!

MW : What type of support have you received along the way from your publisher?

MH : I was lucky that I quickly found an online publisher called Music Mentor with a fantastic back catalogue of 1950’s & 1960’s music books - and was as committed as myself to the project. Without this support I would not have been able to complete the task, particularly in relation to some of the more obscure entries like Jazz & Irish genres and the biographies of long forgotten artists like Nash Lorraine.

It was decided from the outset that we would include all the information from dealer returns - including Classical, Show, Jazz & World Music - not just the pop stuff which became more dominant post-1955. This was a mammoth (i.e elephant!) task and the mammoth took a lot of nibbling away over many often frustrating months - what we hope we have produced is a historical time capsule of the development of post-war music in the 1950’s and the early days of Rock & Roll in UK which so influenced the Beatles & the Rolling Stones - besides being the first ‘UK Bubbling Under’ (the charts as archived by the Official Charts Company) book. We would have loved to have had the support of the Official Charts Company but all they seem interested in was financial return so in the end we did not include their information.

MW : Tell me about the chosen format of the book…

MH : The experience of Music Mentor was key to the book’s layout and the requirement to condense all the information into a reasonable, understandable and affordable number of pages (428 including copious illustrations).

We followed the ‘US Bubbling Under Format’ and UK chart publications of previous decades but keeping our own individual way of presentation.

MW : How has the book been received so far?

MH : If this Book had been published before the Millennium it would have been great - but the music scene has changed completely over recent decades, so much so that artists like Jerry Lee Lewis, Marty Wilde, Chuck Berry & Little Richard - still household names up to the 1990’s - are now forgotten.

So it is a struggle in what now is perceived as a niche market - it means working harder on marketing and this will take time. I am sure there are still an audience out there both in the UK and abroad for this book as it’s entertaining, educational and nostalgic. It is getting across the fact that HITS THAT MISSED is out there. Every little bit of publicity helps, of course.

Online sites like Twitter and YouTube help to spread the message, but some of the “target audience” (probably post-55) may not have wide internet access. There is targeting magazines like Record Collector & Vintage Rock but advertising in these can be very expensive, unlike in the past these mags like the Official Charts are run as businesses with profit margins clearly in mind. There is no such thing as a free lunch these days and when a book (no matter how important or interesting it might be) will not be a big seller it does not make economic sense to market it via this route

MW : Where can we buy it?

MH : The ISBN for HITS THAT MISSED is 978-0-9562679-9-3 so using this number you can order it through any bookshop or on-line. It is also available from the publisher http://musicmentor0.tripod.com/catalogue.html or from Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hits-That-Missed-Bubbling-1954-1961/dp/0956267998/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=hits+that+missed&qid=1559723063&s=gateway&sr=8-1

MW : Tell me about your interest in music in general?

MH : My teenage hero was Buddy Holly and I have seen the Buddy Show many times - but as time goes by I have widened my musical interests to include Folk/World/Classical but Rock 'n Roll will always be my passion - and name any rock ‘n roller and I probably have had a record or compilation of his/hers at some time. Nowadays, I rely on Radio, YouTube & Spotify to connect with music, although I still collect obscure UK artists that have not been compiled. My latest search is for Cuddly Dudley ‘Too Pooped To Pop’ - is there a copy or mp3 out there?

MW : What’s your all-time favorite single and LP?

MH : Very difficult -it does change from year to year - but I suppose for single the combination of ‘Raining In My Heart’ c/w ‘It Doesn’t Matter Anymore’ must take top spot - so nostalgic - the posthumous release after Buddy Holly’s death February 1959. LP must be Simon & Garfunkel’s ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ - not a naff track on this superbly crafted album - which is somewhat dismissed now but in 1970 was WOW.

MW : What newspapers do you read and why?

MH: I am embarrassed to say that my wife buys the Daily Mail for the puzzles etc. and I have been known to skip through the pages - particularly the sport - I am an avid and often nervous Southampton football club supporter - so a sympathetic sports’ columnist gets me interested. Otherwise I pinch a Metro from the local bus station or get my news off the TV or internet.

MW: …favourite news presenters?

MH : My favourite news reporter is Norman Smith. My favourite news anchor is Louise Minchin & my favourite weather presenter is Carol Kirkwood. Actually, the only one to wind me up is Piers Morgan (he’s like marmite, I guess).

MW : How do you relax?

MH : I have been forced to relax after a health issue this year. I am concentrating more on walking my ten thousand steps per day and eating at least my 5 portions of rabbit food per day! Besides that, I am still chart-compiling but this work is unlikely to be published. Then there’s surfing the internet, listening to music in the background, holiday planning, tending the garden, and my family to keep up with.

MW : Now you’re in retirement, any regrets looking back? What are you now looking forward to?

MH: I never look back (other than my music) but not in my life - I am a great believer in Doris Day ‘Que Sera Sera - Whatever Will Be Will Be. The only regret is that my book was not published in the heyday of chart archive publications - not really for me, because all I ever wanted was to complete my project, which I have done, and I now have my book on my bookshelf to prove it, but for my publisher, George Groom-White at Music Mentor, who put so much faith, energy, patience and kindness into the project, as well as time and money - he deserves success with this book and I look forward with help from the buying public to deliver it to him.

© Mark Watkins / June 2019

[iamthechocobabe]

Don’t Wait Too Long

Okay, soooooo, I have NEVER posted anything I’ve written online before, though I’ve written quite a few things, including an Prompto soulmate AU based on @nifwrites We Intertwined series, but seeing as how I’m horrifically shy (as you’ll see was the inspiration to this post, heh heh), I figured I would post one of my own oneshots to test the waters and see what people thought of my writing before I posted that. I’m new to the FFXV fandom, so be nice, please? I feel weirdly proud of this because I feel it relates to me on a personal level (duh). 

The song the oneshot is based around is How Soon Is Now by The Smiths (though I prefer the cover by Love Spit Love). 

Sooo, yeah enjoy :) 

Don’t Wait Too Long 

Word Count: 2,035

PromptoXReader

SFW

You've gone through all your nervous ticks in a minute; you bit your nail for a few seconds, then you bounced your leg, then you bit your lip-it was as if your body was trying to find what made you most comfortable before settling on a habit. Your body finally seemed to settle with picking the skin around your nail while leaning against a wall and looking around the small room of elite aristocrats. Just thinking about how much you stood out made you want to rip the skin around your nails clean off but you managed to find the strength to resist.

You hadn't really wanted to go to this party tonight-it was some rich kids birthday party and he had invited everyone in his graduation class. But the past two years in college had made you become a hermit and you thought it would be healthy to get out and try to socialize...that clearly wasn't happening though. No one's even glanced at you since you got there, they probably didn't even remember you. 

You reach into your purse and grab your mp3 player and stick your headphones in your ears. You may as well have music while you people watch-everytime you thought about socializing, it made your skin crawl so you thought maybe putting on some music would help calm your nerves. It was probably your way of avoiding people, but...whatever.

The first song that plays on your mp3 is horrifically ironic-no one knew how old the song was and didn't really know where it came from. It was found in an old archive three years earlier and had been played on the radio for giggles but you were so enraptured by how much you and this song had in common that you had found a way to convert it to your mp3 player. No one even knew who sang it, all you knew were the words.

I am the son I am the heir You smile softly and mouth the lyrics to the next part. Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar.

You seemed to suffer from a shyness so intense that your only friend was a girl who had moved to Lastallum while you were in elementary school. You hadn't had the courage to make another friend since...you hated it but you also enjoyed your solitude.

A group of kids eating at a small table nearby notice you and look at you strangely for a second before going back to whatever mundane topic they were talking about.

I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You ignore the group and move from your spot to go to a pillar and lean against it-another group nearby notices you and starts pointing and giggling at your blatant ignorance of everyone in the room before moving away from you as if you carried some shyness disease.

You shut your mouth how can you say I go about things the wrong way?

You notice another group of people and remember how earlier, they were talking about one of your favorite books. You considered going over there and introducing yourself because you wondered if you had some other things in common besides your taste in literature. But how to start a conversation like that? They would probably just think you were weird anyway...

I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does.

There's a sudden tonal shift in the room as everyone's gazes strain towards one end of the room towards the door. Sure enough, the Prince and his...friends? Bodyguards? You weren't sure what they were-they had walked into the room and everyone was gushing at their good looks, intelligence, etc. They were about to leave to go to Altissia so the Prince could marry the Oracle Lunafreya, so they were probably enjoying their last week as free birds.

You were gazing for a different reason though-not at the Prince or his intelligent friend or his tough, muscular bodyguard. No, you were gazing at what you considered the prince of sunshine and hope, a boy that seemed to get along with anyone and everyone, a boy that was friends with practically everyone in the room. A boy you had started crushing on your last year of school.

Prompto Argentum immediately started greeting people and taking photos of everything he felt were necessary, party goers, decorations, the DJ...his general attitude seemed to brighten the room. People were always somehow relaxed around him and while he wasn't always the most social butterfly, he was still pretty social. He was everything you wanted and never could be.

There's a club if you'd like to go, You could meet somebody who really loves you.

The group who had snickered at you earlier were now huddling closer to you to get a closer look at the prince and his group-uncomfortable by the sudden crowd, you start to walk away and try to find another spot to lean against. Were you an angsty teen? You didn't care, at this point.

You didn't look where you were going, though and wind up bumping into the guy with glasses just as the prince's group was walking by-one of your earbuds had come loose so you were able to hear the dead silence at the gall someone had to actually approach the group and how the sudden dead silent awkwardness fell around all of you. You found yourself frozen to the spot as the prince's group stared at you, like they weren't sure what to think of you.

"My apologies," the guy-you think his name was Ignis-said.

"Hey, I know you," Prompto came up next to Ignis and smiled at you. "What was your name again? We went to school together, didn't we?"

So you go, Say something. and you stand on your own, Say. Something. and you leave on your own, "Sorry," and you go home, You turn and walk away as quickly as possible. and you cry, You find the bathroom towards one end of the room and duck inside. and you want to die.

You spend almost an hour in the bathroom-the only thing you could think of when you left was what they-everyone- would say when they saw you again. 'Oh, how rude', 'wow, she has some serious issues', and the like. You considered waiting until the party ended and leaving then, but who knew how long that would be? These rich kid parties tended to last awhile, until the early hours of the morning sometimes. You could just suck it up and face everyone or you could just head out while no one was looking and leave as quickly as you could and just go home. You should't have come to this party, it was a stupid idea anyway.

Or you could go out and...talk to people, the back of your brain said.

When you say it's gonna happen now, when exactly do you mean?

You try to force the songs stupid lyrics out of your mind and decide to just duck out while you can; you leave the bathroom stall you were hiding in and exit the girls bathroom and start heading towards the exit. On the way, you notice Prompto and the rest talking to a group of people-of course they happened to be right by the exit but they seemed to be preoccupied with something about Prompto's camera. As you drew closer, you discover that Prompto had dropped his camera and was whining how it wasn't working right. 

You knew about cameras, you know you can fix it...this was your chance to be social. Go up, introduce yourself...

You can’t. 

You exit the room where the party was, breathing a sigh of relief at a break from the constant noise. You weren't aware that the noise was making you anxious until you got out of the noisy room and into the quiet...the quiet solitude of loneliness that you were so used to.

See, I've already waited too long, and all my hope is gone.

You text the car service your college provided that you needed a ride; the automated service texted back saying it would take at least an hour...great.

"This cost me a fortune," the doors to the room had opened and you hear a familiar voice whining. "I can't believe this,"

"It still takes pictures, doesn't it?" the prince asks.

"Not in the filter that I want-HEY!" when Prompto saw you, he yelled and ran to you and you can't help the fear creeping up on you. You feel desperate to run away but he stops and blushes a little, before smiling at you awkwardly. "Sorry I yelled, I just remembered who you were," 

You bite your lip and try to speak, but you can't think of what to say.

"Do you remember? Our last year of school? We bumped into each other in the hallway and I dropped my camera-you probably don't remember but after you walked away in the party, I remembered where I recognized you from,"

You stare at him awkwardly. "You...you remember that?" you said softly. 

"What?" Prompto said. "I couldn't hear you, can you speak up a bit?" 

"I said...never mind," you say a bit louder.

Prompto stared at you for a few seconds and started blushing furiously and looked away. "I...anyway, I'm glad I ran into you though," he smiled an awkward smile at you. "I used to see you around at school all the time, but you never really talked much. I don't think we've ever been properly introduced-I'm Prompto Argentum," 

You stare at his hand for a second before taking it and softly telling him your name. Prompto smiles and holds up his camera. "New friendship means picture time!" He holds the camera at an upward angle so he can take a picture of you two together in the photo. You hesitate, but smile awkwardly with your lips closed and after a click, he looks at the photo and smiles contently. "Pretty cool-wanna look?" 

You nod and look at the picture-the angle was high enough to get a good picture of the two of you together and his cheesy smile somehow complimented your awkward smile. 

"Lookin' good," Prompto smiles, proud of himself for taking a good picture; his finger brushed against the button that goes to the history of photos. The camera switches to a different picture that has you in awe and blushing like crazy. 

It's a picture of you in the room at the party, leaning against the pillar with your headphones in-the lights hit you in a way that makes your hair and face glow and your face looks thoughtful as you people watch. It was actually a pretty good picture and if it wasn't of you, you would have been impressed. 

"Uh, right, let's put the pictures away," Prompto puts down the camera and his whole body turns bright red. 

"You show her the stalker picture you took?" The prince, Noctis, called from where he was standing. He and the rest of them had been standing by the doors to the party and were watching the event between you two take hold, though they weren't close enough to really hear what you were saying. 

Prompto somehow managed to blush even more. "Dude, shut up! Come on," Prompto grabbed your arm softly and gently pulled you towards the small group that consisted of the three boys and some other students they had known in school. "I'll introduce you," 

Your heart’s pounding...you can do this...you can do this...

“I know how to fix your camera,” you blurted it out so fast that it was all one big tangle of words and you want to smack yourself for not speaking more clearly. 

Prompto doesn’t ridicule you, he doesn’t look at you like you’re weird. 

He smiles and hands his camera to you. 

I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does. 

[its-julias-words-blog]

Songwriting and Learning Audacity- Self Directed Project Analysis

Summary:

For my self directed project, I decided to write my own song and record it using audacity. I used several online tutorials as well as my own intuition to learn audacity and get my desired result. This project started as something that I was very hesitant about. I was my first time writing a song, and I had no idea if I would be able to write anything at all- let alone anything good! On top of that, the fact that I had no actual audio recording equipment, and access to only a guitar as an instrument made me scared that this project would not be a success. Though I was hesitant, I feel as though I was able to make something I was truly proud of with this project, and I’m really happy that I took on this challenge! 

How I learned:

The songwriting process was largely something that I improvised, I figured that following tutorials would ruin my creative process, and that I would find it hard to be original. I started writing by playing chord progressions that I found nice, and added a melody and then words on top of it. I found that everything came very naturally and seemingly out of thin air. More than that- I found the process almost magical, like I created something from nothing.

Learning audacity was definitely something more structured, and actually required tutorials to do. I followed several different online tutorials (linked below) to get a general understanding of audacity, as well as tutorials that addressed how to achieve specific effects I wanted. I also sometimes found myself on the audacity forums to find answers to specific problems I had.

Tutorials I used: 

I also found this Wikihow article helpful.

I didn’t find audacity too difficult to master tool wise, but I definitely found it a little finicky when it came to rerecording audio and syncing it up properly. I felt like those actions had a bit of a learning curve to them, and only could be done efficiently with a good feel for the program. 

What I liked:

I found audacity to be a very user-friendly program, with lots of documentation available on how to use it. I didn’t find it hard at all to record or edit my audio, and it was very easy to apply the effects I wanted onto what I recorded. The effects I put on (such a reverb, bass boosting, echo, volume stabilization etc…) still maintained the natural, lo-fi sound that I wanted for the recording, which I was happy about. I also found there was a lot of freedom in audacity to truly produce exactly what I wanted. I could meticulously adjust every setting to my hearts content to get the exact sound I envisioned- something that the perfectionist in me really loved.

What I didn’t like:

The audacity software tended to run slowly on my computer- which is pretty odd considering that resource heavy programs such as Premiere Pro and Photoshop haven’t had many issues regarding lag in the past. Sometimes audacity would freeze, sometimes when recording audio there would be dropouts in the recording due to lag- something that forced me to re-record pieces that I thought came out well. It was also very tough to line up audio, as there were no tools to actually do so. This process was frustrating and time-consuming, and I wished there was a way to do it more efficiently.

The worst thing ever!

Definitely the worst and most frustrating part of this entire project was the moment my audacity software crashed out of nowhere and decided it could no longer read any of my files. At this point I was just adding the finishing touches on the song, and somehow the program just gave up on me! When I googled it, I was told what I experienced was an uncontrollable audacity error, and could not be fixed. Learning this was of course very discouraging for me going forward, and was a big obstacle I had to get through to achieve my final result. Though momentarily feeling like it was the end of the world, I was able to re-record my parts to produce what I think is a better produced recording overall. 

All my audio was lost! 

Conclusion:

I am extremely happy with my results using Audacity, and would definitely use it again for a variety of purposes, which could include writing new songs, editing voice overs for projects or videos, or creating audio compilations. I think that Audacity is a very powerful tool, and I am very happy that I chose to learn how to use it in IDC. As well as this, I think this project really made me less afraid of songwriting in general, and has inspired me to continue to write and make music in the future.

Tumblr will not allow me to embed the mp3 file here, so please find my final mp3 file in the post above!

[itshaejinju]

In Her Sister’s Shadow | Fairy Tail | Chapter 7 |

This is where I left off, there are two more special episode chapters after this that I’ll post in one big one as they both are rather small.

@stunninglyignis @neko-otaku13

 “Hey look guys!” Mirajane shouted, running down the stairs carrying a bottle of medicine.

       I looked up from my spot kneeling beside Master Makarov who was on the ground grasping at his chest in pain. I felt a hand on my arm looking up I saw Gajeel staring at me nudging his head out at the window.

       “What is that bastard doing now?” I questioned – what was a Thunder Palace?

       Mirajane brought Master Makarov to the hospital wing. I followed the rest up the stairs, Can and Bisca went on explaining what we were seeing – Lightning Lacrima. Laxus' 'Thunder Palace' was hundreds of Lightning Lacrima orbs floating around the town of Magnolia. Since I freed everyone Laxus lost his Fairy Tail hostages – but he stepped up his foolish game. Now the whole town was his hostages!

       “I'll fix this!” Bisca said, hefting her sniper rifle off her narrow shoulders.

       I was watching Natsu – he was fuming his attitude changed rather quickly at this sight in front of him. At first Natsu genuinely thought Laxus was playing a pure game. Not betrayal – forcing the male members of the guild to fight each other to save the female members. He believed it in his heart to be a contest to see who was the strongest members of the guild – Natsu went as far as chasing Lucy around trying to fight her. Why was this child so naïve? I knew there was something going on with Laxus I could feel it in his malice towards me that it was something more than his normal rudeness towards me. I should have said something. . .but this is the Master's grandson he wouldn't have thought horrid things about that child so easily. Though now. . .Master Makarov in the hospital bed unconscious from the heart attack.

       A scream brought me out of my thoughts, Bisca was surrounded by lightning being violently zapped. She had destroyed one of the many Lightning Lacrima and it retaliated on her – sending her to the ground in a burnt heap. Was there some way I could deactivate that? It was a thing not really a magical skill that I could mimic to stop it so my natural magic wouldn't work though how about music magic? Could I find a song that could do something? I grabbed at the mp3 player and started to thumb through the songs, there was nothing I had that could safely protect me and get rid of them. Looking up at Natsu again I saw the burning rage of anger build up in his eyes, as his mind put together that these items would kill civilians. They did not have the built up strength like us – so it would kill and not just beat the crap out of them. Natsu jumped off the roof of the building attempting to leave – totally forgetting about the barrier Freed made.

       “Idiot. I'm going to help Erza.” I said turning around, speaking to no one in particular it wasn't like anyone really listened to me anyways so I never expect a comment back.

       “We need to evacuate the civilians!” Lucy shouted as it dawned on her that all these people needed to be warned.

       “Round them up and take them out the South end.” I told her as she saw me heading down the steps again.

       “Aye ~ I will help Lucy!” Happy said excitedly, sprouting wings lifting her up into the sky flying off with ease.

       If that Exceed were to do that to me wearing a skirt or even the robe and bikini I was still wearing right now I would have plucked off his wings. But I'm not as cheery friendly as Lucy.

       “Yes let's get moving.” Cana said as she hefted the unconscious Biscane up over her shoulder.

       “I'll work on breaking this barrier so Natsu and Gajeel can join you guys!” Levy said as she went to the library to get a few reference books.

       “And Laxus is mine!” Natsu shouted as he raced down the stairs to join the rest of us.

       “Where are you going?” Gajeel asked as I headed to a side room, he following behind me looking curious small red eyes surveying me still in the robes.

       “I'm changing my clothes I am not going to fight in this robe and so called bikini anymore.” I said picking up my satchel that was on one of the tables it carried a spare set of clothes.

       “I will guard the door no need for creepers staring at you changing.” Gajeel said as he walked in the room with me.

       “Why are you in here?” I shouted at him – why does he always follow me around?

       He is seriously this hulking metal eating mass of a shadow that I don't need.

       “Guarding the door obviously. . .” He wasn't able to finish his sentence I shoved him out of the room locking the door, shaking my head.

       “Perv!”

       I have never dealt with anyone like him before, ever since he's joined this guild he constantly follows me around begging to go on missions with me. Calling me his 'mate' even doll-face when he thinks he's being cute. Really what was about me that was so fascinating to him? No matter how many times I push him away towards anyone else he comes right back. . .like a bad penny. Though kind of a cute penny – bad but kind of cute.

       “Laxus you're getting your reward.” I said as I tugged on black capri pants, a light blue button up blouse that rested right above my belly button, showing off the fairy tail tattoo.

       Sliding the mp3 player into my pocket I placed a ear bud into my left ear, it clacked against the industrial piercing. The piercing was still new and tender I rubbed the ear gently, I got the piercing a few days before I left Helios it was a gift from Kyoga.

      ~~Few months ago~~

       “Dez-Chan!” Kyoga shouted rushing down the steps of the village hall, large bushy black tail bouncing behind him.

       He dropped calling me Dez-Sama to the 'chan' honorific – well when the head of clans were around he would use sama still. I stopped, midway down the steps only to be bowled over by the tall youth – well he was only a year younger than I am but he seriously acted like he was a good five years younger than me when we are alone. We toppled down the steps landing at the bottom on in a heap, limbs all tangled up in each other.

       “Kyoga-Sama what is going on?” I asked as I looked into his blushing face as he removed himself from my chest.

       “I have a present for you!” He said happily removing himself from me, quickly hiding his red face as he got to his feet he helped me up.

       “Another present? Why are you always showering me with gifts?” I asked confused I had recently received a necklace from him, a special Okami cooked dinner, a dress and now another thing?

       “Because - - you are so nice! And you say that your friends and such never get you proper gifts. . .I want to make up for it. Plus you are leaving me soon I want to give you something so you won't forget me.” He said ending it with a small pout, a pout on a Okami is adorable with small amount of fang sticking out pinching his lower lip some.

       I noticed he was fidgeting with his tail some, I found that was a common trait of the Okami when they were feeling nervous. I haven't found a nervous trait of the Kitsune – they are smug for sure, fun to tease though. He always became a nervous ball of fur around me as of late ever since the last month of me being here he's all nerves.

       “Thanks Kyoga-Sama, you are really sweet.” I said happily, taking the small box from his hands.

       “I'm hardly sweet. . .I'm a wolf we are vicious.” He said shyly blushing a little he was use to people telling him that humans are deathly afraid of his kind, so him being called sweet by a human felt strange to him, though I was his first human.

       I opened the box to see a silver bar with a music note hooked around the center of it, a industrial earring. Peering up at his large yellow eyes I smiled noticing there was two of them as the second moved slightly as my hands shook a little, I wasn't good with presents specially if they are nice ones.

       “It's so pretty Kyoga-Sama – thanks but I don't have this piercing.” I said touching my ears all I had was the traditional lobes done.

       “There is two one for me and one for you – it's a sort of bonding thing with friends matching rings and such is a good thing amongst the Okami.” He said pointing at his ears noticing he didn't have industrial piercing either just the lobes done in gauges.

       “Oh – I am honored!” I said happily, it was the first time someone actually wanted to do something friends do as a bonding experience, strange that I had to go all the way to the other side of the world to do it.

       “Let's go, I know of a cool place we can go – I promise it won't hurt much.” He said taking my hand in his, the thick nails of his hands slightly scraping on my skin some.

       We ended up getting our left ears done, it was only painful for the second hole but Kyoga held my hand the whole time and stared at my ear watching the needle go through. He let out a little yip as it went through his ear, which he tells me is a normal sound as he looked a bit embarrassed by it.

       ~~Present Time~~

       “Make sure to leave Laxus for me!” Natsu shouted at me as I walked out the front door leaving, Levy to read through the books to solve that dilemma.

  'The others are taking care of the civilians and rounding up the remaining members. . .but where is Erza? I need to be with her.' I thought as I thumbed through the play list of the mp3 player, I could find her through the music magic.

       “Music Magic Find Erza - ~ Don't be scared if I'm gone from view ~ I'll always find you. ~ Never doubt I will always find you.” I sung aloud to the song, small musical notes left the mp3 player as it guided me to Erza.

       A few minutes later I found myself outside the local bath house – what was Erza doing here? It was no time for a bath! Special at the public bath house we have private ones at Fairy Tail. . .generally she ends up in my bath tub anyways. I heard nervous shouting, then sound of feet slamming on the ground, my twin emerged from the front of the bath house looking upset beyond belief.

       “EVERGREEN!” She shouted at the top of her lungs looking terrifying, most people would wince and hide at that expression that was on her face right now, one of pure anger but it never really bothered me, her look of sadness was more pain to me then again her true sadness was because of me anyways.

       “Sister. . .” I called out as she turned to me looking wild, two swords at her side.

       “She led me through a false trail I can't believe I fell for that.” She said pouting then walking over to me, looking determined. “You free the others I see? How are they?”

       “They are fine. . .Gajeel and Natsu are still unable to leave but Levy is figuring that out so we can be sure of some property destroying here soon. Bisca is out of commission she went to destroy one of the Lacrima but it back fired and attacked her. I'm here to help you out – Laxus needs to be put back in spot, I can't stand for betrayers.”

       “I know – I just can't believe he would do something as dangerous as this.”

       “His mind is warped, Erza. So Evergreen lied to you – no sense going back after her. Let's use a little bit of music magic, let me find the right song.” I said as I pawed through the playlist.

       “That thing is really handy – who gave it to you?” Erza questioned looking over my shoulder at the play list.

       “The Head of the Okami clan gave it to me as a thank you gift for being so kind to his son.”

       “Oh? A love interest?”

       “No. . .that couldn't happen our cultures are so different – their beliefs on romantic relationships with other species is very strict. Plus I have so much I have to do here before I could go back. . .and there is no way he actually would like me that way. I'm not that great – I'm not you.”

       “You are great – I wish you would see that. A lot of people in the guild see it, clearly Gajeel does.”

       “Don't speak of that weirdo. Here is the song geez I just listened to it wouldn't think it would have gotten lost here.” I said blushing a little turning my head away from Erza and her stares.

       “Oh that's how it is.” She said with a broad smile.

       “Music Magic find Laxus ~ When stars are gone. ~ Pages fade in the tale we knew, Hope is born ~ don't be scared if you can't find truth. ~ We belong never doubt I will always find you. ~ Love is truth darkness falls but our hearts stay true. ~ I'm with you don't be scared if. ~ I'm gone from view ~ I'll always find you. ~ Never doubt I will always find you. ~”

   “That is so beautiful. . .and fascinating.” Erza admired watching the musical notes flutter forward.

       “I know it's so much better than my actual magic. . .I wish I had this instead of this lame mockery.” I said bitterly wishing with all my might that this had been my true magic and not something I needed to use a tool for.

       “But your magic is really good.” Erza said, starting a argument.

       “Whatever, let's move.” I said turning away from her and heading towards the musical notes leading us closer to Laxus.