#i remember carrying a whole box of them n knew they cost more than my paycheck n i wanted to cry

[celamoon]

Summary: Saiki isn’t supposed to have regrets, but he thinks that letting you wither away from him was his worst mistake.

Warnings: Hanahaki, Mild mention of Star Tears, angst

You first talked to Saiki in middle school. You had been classmates with him since kindergarten, moving almost always at the same time he did. You wondered if it was the universe telling you to befriend the boy.

Your only early memory of the boy was that he was the undefeated Rock Paper Scissors champion of kindergarten. He grew to be antisocial later on in middle school but you loved his hair clips so you asked him where he bought them. He had looked at you incredulously and had told you he had them custom-made. You wouldn’t stop pestering him about them afterward, especially since you caught him red-handed burning a sheet of paper.

“Is that…”

‘Don’t you dare tell ANYONE’

“Only if you finally tell me where you bought your hairclips”

Saiki looked 100% done with you and you had stuck with him ever since.

You noticed a handful of things about it Saiki after you started being friends with him. You noticed that his eyes light up whenever he was eating coffee jelly. You noticed how despite the fact that he claimed his friends were nuisances, he still hung around them. You noticed how his eyes were a certain shade of purple, and how he was much more caring than he claimed himself to be.

You had stuck around him despite knowing that he could read minds, and he had given you a germanium ring in your first year of high school, claiming that it was so that he wouldn’t hear your thoughts. You got a bit of privacy after that, and you started to wear the ring out of habit in your high school years.

The first issue came in your second year of high school. Saiki had managed to keep himself on the down-low so far, and you had stuck around with him as his self-proclaimed best friend. Nendo was his pal after all. He had caught the attention of Teruhashi, the school’s goddess. Saiki had told you that she was far from how she seemed, but you didn’t mind that much. She was pretty, and you didn’t mind at first.

Then came the petals. At first, you thought you ate something that had petals inside them, but it became clear when you wouldn’t stop throwing them up. You had caught Hanahaki, and you were in love with your best friend. You hid them well, and you never coughed despite how much Teruhashi was trying to catch Saiki’s attention at school.

The first time you weren’t able to hold it in was during PE. Teruhashi had made a move on Saiki, and he didn’t push her away. You had to excuse yourself to the bathroom so that you could let your lungs breathe properly. It was a bigger batch than usual, and you knew that didn’t mean anything good for you.

You went back to PE as if you hadn’t just thrown up an entire basket of flower petals.

The second time came when Teruhashi visited Saiki’s family for cooking lessons. It had become a tradition for you to visit Saiki every weekend. You had walked in, almost missing the familiar tuff of blue hair. You greeted the family, and you set the coffee jelly down on the table. Teruhashi had asked you if you were into anyone and you had managed to avoid her questions while doing Saiki’s suspicions at the same time. When they turned the tv on you felt your lungs collapse and you rushed to their bathroom to let the petals flow. They were stained with blood that time.

The third time came when you visited the shrine with the two Saiki brothers and Teruhashi. You stayed with Kuusuke after Kusuo and Teruhashi managed to dodge the influx of hate, and you had started to cough violently after Kusuo dragged Teruhashi away. Kuusuke caught you and you threw up a bud before him. His eyes widened and you had brushed it off as a magic trick you were preparing. Kuusuke didn’t believe you, but he let you off that time.

The fourth time came when Teruhashi asked Saiki out on a date for summer. You had been fine with the flowers so far, and the petals were still rather small other than that one bud from the shrine visit. But you felt your stomach lurch when you saw Teruhashi asking Saiki out on a date over summer. You ran to the bathroom, missing the look of concern on everyone’s face. You threw up premature flower blossoms that time. When you got back, you told them that you had a bad lunch.

Kuusuke called you the day of the date, and he had taken you out for a drive. When he passed the amusement park and brought you in, you felt your lungs tighten and you started coughing up half bloomed flowers. That confirmed Kuusuke’s suspicions. He brought you to his lab to run a few tests, and after the x-ray scan, he was completely sure that you had Hanahaki. He urged you to make a move on his brother.

“You can’t keep this to yourself forever,”

“I can,”

“No you can’t y/n, you’re going to need the surgery unless you confess,”

“Then how about this…”

You had made a bet with Kuusuke instead, if Kusuo found out about your petals first, then you would admit defeat and you would confess to Kusuo, if Kusuo made a move on Teruhashi first, then Kuusuke would fund your surgery so that you could get rid of those godforsaken feelings for the psychic. He agreed, sure that his brother wouldn’t be able to miss the fact that his own best friend was throwing up petals. You prayed secretly that Kuusuke would win the bet so that you could live out your fantasy.

You found that it was hard pretending to be ok, you hadn’t stopped coughing up flowers since summer, and that new transfer student who was rather close with Saiki wasn’t helping. Aiura was her name. She wasn’t as pretty as Teruhashi, but she was certainly different from the others. You had stopped talking as much as before, telling everyone that you had a rather bad cold since school started.

You had caught her clinging onto Kusuo like his lover one day after school. You were waiting for him to finish school so that you two could walk home together, but you had caught him with Aiura instead. The look on his face had you make a double-take before you confirmed it. You watched as she talked about their love life with the girl with pigtails, and you had listened as she talked about how active they were. You felt the flowers climb up your throat and had run away before anything else could happen.

The final straw came when Teruhashi was noticing the differences for everyone. She had spent the entire night memorizing everyone’s names accord to Kusuo, and you had listened to him narrate the whole situation. Kusuo talked about her quite a bit by now. You weren’t even surprised anymore when he brought her up. You parted ways with him to deal with your club’s paperwork at the office and the next sight was not one to be expected.

You had won the bet. You were heading outside of your clubroom when you had saw Saiki princess carry Teruhashi to the nurse’s office with your very own two eyes. You had won the bet even though you prayed that you wouldn’t. You had won the bet and that meant you needed to get the surgery. You prayed you wouldn’t win, yet it seemed that god liked Teruhashi more as usual. You ringed Kuusuke in the middle of the school day because of it.

“Hey, Kuusuke?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I won the bet…”

Kuusuke, as promised, sent the money for the surgery to your account. Now it was up to you whether or not you wanted the surgery. You knew you did, but a part of you desperately wished that Saiki would love you back so that you didn’t need to get the surgery. You were throwing up full-on flowers by now. No longer the buds you suffered from, no longer the premature flower blossoms you threw up once. You had little to no time unless you confessed to Saiki soon.

Then you remembered that he had let out an ‘offu’ at Teruhashi. You had heard it while you were nodding at him in class. It was loud, in fact, Teruhashi heard it but she thought she was hallucinating. You remember the sound of your own heart breaking when you heard it, you felt like the world had crashed down on you. It had happened a while back, but now you were completely sure about it. Saiki was in love with Teruhashi, and you couldn’t do anything about it.

The surgery was half a success, half a failure. Your feelings had gone away for Kusuo as promised, but you lost your voice because of it. You weren’t able to speak anymore; you couldn��t talk like you used to. You went to school with tears in your eyes because of it. The first person to notice was Kuboyasu, who greeted you but when you didn’t greet him back, he asked if your throat hurt. You burst into tears because of it.

The group gathered around you at the sight of you in tears. You never showed strong emotion around them, you only helped them with their issues and bottled your own up. You let out small hiccups and Nendou was surprisingly the first one to point out how you didn’t have a voice. You typed on your phone in tears, and you held it up for everyone to see.

‘I lost my voice permanently’

The group was in shambles afterward. Kaidou was asking how, Kuboyasu offered to beat up the person who caused it, Yumehara pulled you in for a hug. The group wanted to know, and you still wore your ring so Saiki wasn’t able to read your mind. You typed that you had gotten surgery for your throat since you caught a sickness and the surgery was a success at the cost of your voice box. You didn't give them any more information after that.

Toritsuka offered to summon a spirit to hopefully help you be able to speak again but you turned him down. Aiura tried finding out with her glass ball but it didn’t work either. Kaidou pushed you for further details. You didn’t tell anyone that the surgery was for Hanahaki. Nendou offered you ramen, in hopes that it would cheer you up, you shook your head no. Not that day at least.

Saiki was in shambles at the news, how had you even lost your voice to begin with? You hadn’t done anything and unless you got surgery within the span of a weekend, you weren’t able to have lost your voice. He reaches for your hand and tries to take the ring off. You ripped your hand away with a sad smile, signing him it’s ok, that it wasn’t that important anyway. Saiki was still bothered by it.

Akechi was surprisingly the person Saiki resided in for help. He was always able to figure things out even without it being written fully for him. Akechi didn’t even bat an eye when Saiki approached him. He had actually expected it. Saiki stood there in shock as Akechi explained about your sickness.

“She got surgery for Hanahaki obviously. She didn’t have a terminal disease or else she would’ve been hospitalized for longer than that. The fact that she had Hanahaki affect her throat as well only means that she was severely affected by the flowers. I think I saw her throw up coffee flower petals once. She was throwing up behind the school while we were picking sweet potatoes with the class. She made me swear to not tell anyone but since she got the surgery I assume that she’s ok with people knowing now,” Akechi rambled, and Saiki lost himself at coffee flower petals. She had been in love with him, how dumb could be he? He was a psychic for goodness sake!

You started carrying around a tablet to communicate with people better. You always wrote down comments about certain things, and you always laughed along with everyone. It was like nothing had ever happened. You acted like nothing had ever happened and Saiki hated that.

Saiki was bothered and you figured out quicker than he liked to admit. You knew him way too well. You had walked up to him after school one day asking if he was ok. He promised you he was, but you didn’t believe him. So you dragged him up to the room and forced him to talk to you about what was bothering him. He asked you the only question on his mind.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You had paused. He had spoken to you with his actual voice and you frowned.

‘Tell you about what?’

Saiki looked exasperated.

“About the flowers, the Hanahaki, the surgery. Why didn’t you tell me?”

You blinked at him, shrugging before writing down your response.

‘It didn’t seem important’

You figured that Akechi had told him. Saiki groaned.

“I think my best friend throwing up flower petals is very important thank you very much”

‘It’s not like It matters anymore. The feelings and flowers are gone'

“But your voice-“

The loud noise of a digital pen was heard on the rooftop. The silence was suffocating.

‘But this, but that, it’s all over anyway it’s not like it’s important anymore’

Saiki chooses his next words carefully.

“Were you in love with me?”

You pause and nod your head enthusiastically. Saiki feels his own heart break.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

‘You liked Teruhashi. All the signs pointed to it and I got Kuusuke to pay for my surgery’

Saiki’s shoulders droop. It felt like he was holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. He reaches for you, and you take a step back. He wants you to know he loved you too, he wants to show you how much he liked you, how much he was actually in love with you.

He finds it’s too late however when you shrink away from the touch you used to cherish and love. You excuse yourself from the rooftop to meet up with Nendou and the others for your daily after-school ramen. Saiki watches your figure escape his sight. The feeling tastes bitter to him. It tasted like that cup of dark coffee he had once watched you down after pulling an all-nighter.

Saiki isn’t supposed to have regrets, but he thinks that letting you wither away from him was his worst mistake. He swears he hears the twinkling of stars when he starts crying. Perhaps this was the universe’s way of paying him back.

[honeyhenry]

A Tiny Valentine

A/N: Another little instalment of the Tiny!AU that I have been writing this month! I hope you all had a lovely valentines or galentines or palentines! Now onto my favourite little family! Please feel free to request some more about this AU or my Syverson AU because both are helping me through this month! 🥰

Warnings: none! just some sweet fluff!

Read Tiny here!

Read Tiny Vol. 2 here!

You’re awoken by the squeaks of a fussy baby, opening your eyes in time to see your husband shush the child cradled in his right arm ever so tenderly. Henry catches you looking from where you laid in the bed and grins, making his way towards you with Will in tow.

“Good morning, and Happy Valentine’s day, Mummy” his deep voice giving you butterflies still after all this time as he leans in to kiss you, 5 week old Will pressed between your chests, a warm safe haven for him as his parents shared their love on the cosy Sunday morning. Sitting up, you cradle Henry’s face in your hand, whispering a treasured valentine sentiment back, before turning your attention to your second, yet no less important valentine.

“Hello baby boy, good morning! Are you wishing me a happy Valentine’s too?”

Will now weighs in at an impressive 2.3kg, and hasn’t left your or Henry’s side in the past month. His tiny frame fits so perfectly into the crook of Henry’s forearm which is much larger than the precious child it helps to support. Somehow he’s managed to fit Will into a new, slightly-too-big onesie decorated with a large heart detailing the words “I Love my Mummy” inside of it.

“Yes, I have fed, burped, dressed, undressed, changed, re-dressed, and soothed him since 6am. He likes his early mornings but we did have a small poo-splosion. It’s been dealt with, and we’ve had a chat, haven't we Will?” Henry addresses the question to his son, who pays him no mind, other than to clench his little fist, making you laugh.

“Here, I’ll take him. I want cuddles from my littlest Valentine.”

“Oh I see how it is...maybe I’ll have to return everything I got you and only give you the gifts from Will.”

You’re about to reply that he needn’t worry, that his Valentines will come later tonight, but your jaw drops as Henry pulls a few bags onto the bed, alongside the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers that must be 10 times the size of Will, and have cost him half the earth.

“Henry!” you gasp, careful to hold Will securely as you shuffle up the bed to see the gifts he has presented to you.

“A couple of the gifts were supposed to be given just before you gave birth but I wanted to wait until now, so you’d still  get them on Valentine’s Day.”

You look at him with utter adoration, tears almost spilling over and you manage to hold it together until-

“Oh no, Henry” you cry out, immediately setting a pit of uncertainty in Henry’s stomach.

“What? Is something wrong? Is Will okay? Is it the flowers?”

You sigh and let a few tears slip out, cuddling Will close, looking down at his sweet innocent face, not wanting to meet Henry’s gaze. It doesn’t do much good, as Will truly is his daddy’s double. 

“I- I didn’t get you anything. I completely forgot, I’m so sorry” you whisper, wishing you could turn back the clock and remember to at least put some of his favourite chocolates or cologne in the shopping cart when you last went out. “Like, not even a card. I’m a rubbish wife.”

“Well that’s just ridiculous. I could’ve sympathised with you until that point but I’m afraid you’re completely wrong. On all counts.” He moves up closer to you on the bed, resting a large hand on your knee while using his other hand to gesture his points.

“First of all, you are not a rubbish wife. I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. You are perfect and I really hope that these gifts will be worthy of you wearing them or eating them or just having them exist around you. They cost money, but money doesn’t light a flame compared to what you got me for all my birthdays, valentine’s days and Christmases combined.”

He keeps one hand on your knee, with the other now moving over to hold Will’s whole hand with just the tip of his finger. Wrapping his palm around the familiar pointer finger, you hear the tiniest sigh from your son’s body, feeling utterly relaxed in your arms and holding Henry’s hand.

“But he’s 5 weeks old-”

“He wasn’t even meant to be born until the end of this month, and I would've told you the same thing as I’m telling you now if that was still the case. You grew him and nurtured him and now we get to know him and love him every single day. I can never thank you enough for the gift of our child.”

Resting his forehead to yours, you sit there in that moment, soaking it up in the hopes to carry the weight of the emotions for days and weeks to come. Upon the gift opening, with Henry explaining each gift while Will lay in his arms, you realised that you truly had been spoiled rotten by your boys. Will had “bought” you a framed picture of the constellations in the sky at the exact time and place he was born, as well as a year’s supply of your favourite breastfeeding cookies sitting in a large crate out in the kitchen.

Henry had truly outdone himself, assuring you that the flowers were from him “but Will helped with his floral expertise, obviously.” He had waited to give you the last gift deliberately - a long, smooth rectangular box wrapped very delicately. Opening it, you see a note inside, setting the box down as you read aloud.

“January is represented by the garnet stone. Derived from the word “seed”, this fruitful gem keeps the wearer safe. And May is represented by the emerald to mean “rebirth”...and gives the wearer foresight and good fortune...what does that....oh Henry!”

You lift the box and remove the protective paper to reveal the most beautiful necklace you’ve ever seen. There are small diamonds detailing it and allowing it to glint in the light, alongside a small cut of garnet and emerald woven together in parts.

“Happy Valentine’s darling. It’s mine and Junior’s birthstones. Had to send it back when he came early to swap February for January. And more can be added...whenever they need be.”

You knew the tears would start again, and before they can mark tracks on your cheeks, you leap onto Henry to kiss him with passion, careful not to knock Will in the process.

“You are the most loving, thoughtful, wonderful person in the whole world. It’s beautiful and so personal...and I know it couldn’t possibly compare, but how about some Valentine’s pancakes? We can show Will how to properly celebrate.” 

The three of you head to the kitchen soon after, cooking up a storm and dancing to the love songs playing on the radio. You even have the opportunity to feed Will again while Henry expertly flips the pancakes in the pan. He plates them up, drizzles them with your favourite topping, and feeds you while you feed Will.

One thing your son will never have to question, is the love that his parents have for each other.

taglist: @ohmygoodie​ @michelehansel​ @la-cey​ @palaiasaurus64​ @sassy-pelican​ 

request / feedback etc. here!

[yyxgin]

— FROM HOME || LEE MINHO

PAIRING: neighbour! minho x gn reader

GENRE: fluff + angst

WORD COUNT: 3.4 k

WARNINGS: eating behaviours, sad ending aaand I can't really think of anything else

this is a part of the @districtninewriters dear skz, with love event !! make sure to read all the other wonderful stories other members wrote for this !!

You studied the envelope you were holding, flipping it over a few times in your hands. The quality of the paper was nicer than normal, almost like whatever inside was more important than just a regular letter. You weren’t expecting anything, let alone anything important or special.

But it was definitely your name on the front.

The handwriting was oddly familiar-- the loopy curves and edges of your name bringing you the so well known feeling of longing as you recognised the owner of the handwriting, making your heart thump with the black ink on the envelope. You quickly opened it, revealing what was inside-- a letter written on a piece of lined paper you were so sure he tore out of the notebook you gave him a few months ago. 

Your eyes skim over the sentences, making your eyes well up with tears. You curse at Lee Minho under your breath, because how dare he say those things to you over a letter? Did he really have to be such a coward not to tell you to your eyes? 

You throw the letter back to the floor of your hall-- to the place where you first found it, concluding he must have slipped it under your door when you were still asleep, opening the door and sprinting down the staircase leading to his floor. 

You weren’t going to let him leave like this.

Your eyes skim over his room-- the room you’ve been to multiple times before, but now it looks a little different when it’s half-empty and the posters that were hanging on his walls were taken down into a big cardboard box. You hear his feet shuffling around the bedroom, making you look up from your place on the dark gray rug he had placed in front of his bed, locking eyes with the owner of the apartment-- your neighbour, Lee Minho.

You’ve met him the first week you moved into the apartment. It wasn’t anything romantic, how the teenage books always used to say, he didn’t even help you with the oh so heavy boxes you carried into your apartment all by yourself because the elevator just had to be broken the same week when you decided to move in, hell, he didn’t even take out his mail without a shirt on like the movies used to show. No. The way you met Lee Minho was kind of unpleasant and you’d be more happy to meet him any other way but this, but it seems like god had different plans for the two of you.

You met Lee Minho under bad circumstances, and those were that your washing machine broke exactly the first time you tried to use it. Well, it didn’t even break, to be exact, it just wasn’t really plugged well into the canalisation, as your neighbour himself told you when he paid you a visit after you managed to successfully be unaware of the whole thing and accidentally flood out his apartment with it. 

His face was scrunched up in frustration back then, yet he still acted polite and explained the matter to you in a calm way. When you let him into your apartment, shocked, he not only fixed your washing machine, but managed to steal your heart right there and then-- in his grey sweatpants, crouching on your wet floor. 

“I am so sorry, I really had no idea it wasn’t done properly… my cousin did it for me, since I’m totally useless and I just trusted him with it, but it turns out that I really shouldn’t have…” you mumbled, hands shaking and your lower lip nervously trapped in between your teeth. You wanted to give off the best first impression you could, yet all you managed to do was embarrass yourself in front of your neighbour and on top of that, flood his entire bathroom, which meant he had to get the walls repainted.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know. Let’s hope it won’t happen again.” he smiled, the frustration leaving his face in the instance, the furrowed eyebrows replaced by a welcoming glint in his eye instead.

“I will pay you for the paint you’re going to use for this-” you gestured to the wet spots on his walls. He managed to invite you over to his apartment that was situated exactly below yours to show you the damage, which you accepted, because it was your fault, after all. You felt terribly bad and embarrassed to be the cause of his trouble.

“No! It’s okay,” he smiled again, subconsciously squeezing your shoulder, “you don’t have to. You can… come help me repaint it and then we’ll be even.” he grinned at you. 

And that’s how you ended up at his apartment a few days later, a paintbrush sitting in your hand and a paper hat made of newspaper decorating your head made by your neighbour so you wouldn’t dirty your hair with the white slicking off the ceiling. See, Minho told you he knew how to do it himself, but the truth is, the renovation of his bathroom was clearly all just improvisation and neither of you knew how to do such a thing, but it only made it more fun for the two of you. 

You bonded over your shared frustration when trying to keep his three cats out of the small room that day. I mean, he couldn’t thank you enough when you saved Dori from drinking up the paint he left opened on the floor, a relieved sigh escaping his lips being all you needed to hear to make your heart burst with adoration.

“What are you thinking about?” Minho tears you out of your reminiscing, raising his eyebrows at you.

“Oh, nothing,” you mumble, drifting your eyes to your hands in your lap, sighing, “I just remembered how the two of us met. I’m surprised you even wanted to be friends with me after I flooded your bathroom back then.” you grin, hearing him giggle.

“I was so mad that day I seriously thought I was going to throw a fit, but when I saw your scared eyes, I just couldn’t do that to you.” he laughs, sitting next to you and offering you a glass of orange juice. He discovered your addiction for it when you bought a whole carton of it last winter and managed to drop it on the stairs, making it spill everywhere with a loud curse leaving your lips, resonating through the whole apartment complex. 

You take a sip from the glass, smiling at him and looking him in the eye again. “I would have cried if you threw a fit.” you snort.

“Oh I know, I could tell, trust me.” he laughs. It seems like Minho always knew what was the right thing to say in moments like these. Over the past few months, Lee Minho grew into your best friend. There is only so much stuff you can hide from your neighbour-- with the walls being thin and rumours spreading quickly from the elderly ladies living in your apartment complex, but to be honest, after all this time, you would trust him with your whole life.

You can’t even count the times he must have heard you crying in the middle of the night, or the times when he made the effort to go up the stairs and knock on your door when he did just so you didn’t have to cry alone. You felt a little embarrassed the first time he did it, but after a while, it was nice to have somebody to lean on when things got rough. He was always there-- exactly 20 stairs below you-- and you knew you could always count on him with everything.

“You knew me too well even back then,” you roll your eyes at him, catching the playful glint in his eye once again. 

“I wish I could un-know some things though, you know-”

“Don’t even start-”

“-like the time when you ran out of toilet paper and called me to bring some in, like seriously, Y/N?” he glares at you, teasing even the last bit of you in his so familiar nature. Yes, this was the Lee Minho you knew.

“Not my fault you used it all up the evening before when you came over! It was totally not my fault!” you yell out, accusing him.

“Not my fault your cooking made me sit on the toilet for 30 minutes-”

“Let’s just stop talking about this.” you cut him off, laughing to yourself.

It felt kind of pathetic, but he really knew every bit of you. He knew every centimeter of your apartment, and it wasn’t just because it was the exact copy of his-- just decorated differently-- it was mainly because he’s spent so much time in it. Minho was your neighbour, your first friend in this big town, he was your closest friend and your companion. You felt connected to him on a whole another level you never knew even existed before. It was crazy.

“Right. I still have to pack these things,” he nods, motioning to a few of his books sitting on his bed-side table and the cat toys laying in the corner of his bedroom. Soonie, Doongie and Dori were at his parent’s house for the time being and the apartment without them seemed even more empty now that the tree creatures weren’t walking around the rooms and jumping into your lap. 

You sigh, nodding along with him. You get up, bringing the cardboard box closer to your feet and start carefully placing the books into it, avoiding eye contact with him at all cost. With every item disappearing into the boxes and bags sitting by the door in his hall just waiting to be moved, you feel like a bit of your soul is leaving, bit by bit. It doesn’t feel right.

“Thanks for coming to help, by the way,” Minho cuts through the silence, making you look at him. His eyes look at you with sincerity and longing in them and maybe you understand the feeling way too well, but neither of you dare to act up on it. Not now, that he’s not going to be your neighbour anymore.

“It’s nothing, really,” you mumble, “that’s what friends do. Besides, I doubt you’d be able to do it all on your own, since you clearly need my help with everything in your life.” you tease, grinning at him.

He shakes his head in disbelief, poking your side. “Yeah, you’re right,” he laughs out, “but really, I mean it. It’s hard enough for me to… you know… leave… but you helped me so much with sorting out my feelings and the mess in my apartment as well, so I’m really thankful.” he nods, giving you a warm smile that always used to leave you breathless.

“It’s okay. I know it must be hard for you.” you say, closing the box and moving it to the door of his apartment. You look back to the room-- the only thing left in the small space was his grey rug you used to lay on more times than you can count, staring into the ceiling as you listened to your friend rambling about his day next to you, and his bed you, admittedly, slept a little too many times in for the fact that your own bed was literally 20 stairs away. 

“And you?” he asks, voice small and hazy.

“Me? What about me?” you furrow your eyebrows, taking a seat back next to him.

“Is it hard for you too?” he repeats.

When he first told you about the job offer he got from the other side of the state, you were a tornado of emotions. You felt lost and terrified of being lonely, but the emotion overtaking all of it was joy-- pure joy and pride that your friend was finally being recognised for his hard work and skills. You hugged him tight that day, leaving a shy peck on his cheek you regretted in the instance when you saw his reddened cheeks, telling him how proud of him you were and how he should definitely take the chance. 

It was the best thing that could ever happen to him-- and that is exactly what you told him back then. 

“Do you think I should go?” he asked, voice unclear and coated in nerves.

“Do what your heart desires.” you told him. Although you never wanted him to leave, to move out of the safe space he created for you in the apartment below yours, you never wanted him to miss the great opportunity he just had. His career and his well-being meant so much more to you than your own happiness.

And so he took the job offer and here you were, almost two weeks later, helping him move out to the other side of the country, and it hurt you, it hurt you so damn much, but there’s nothing you would have done differently.

“This isn’t about me,” you mumble, staring into his eyes. You wonder if they tell on you-- if he sees the sadness in them, the fear of losing him forever. They say your eyes are the window to your soul and you wonder if Minho sees inside, because you are inviting him in. You’re going to miss him, but you will probably never tell him. Because that would only make it harder for the two of you.

“Tell me.” he insists, taking in your emotions, his voice barely louder than a whisper in your ear as he comes closer to you, intertwining your legs on the fuzzy rug.

You scoff, shaking your head. “What do you think?” you ask.

There’s no way he doesn’t see the state you’re in. You haven’t slept in days, your dark circles making their visit under your eyes ever so often since you discovered the possibility of losing the person that is the closest to you. You tried to put a happy face in front of him, you really did, but Lee Minho knows you too well. You know he knows. You both just pretend he does not.

He rests his forehead against yours, your breaths mixing. The closeness of your bodies makes your heart race. Sure, you’ve been this close before, but it has never felt as intimate as now. You stare into his eyes for a moment before you let your eyes instinctively close on themselves just so you don’t let them wander to his lips, because that would surely let him know a little too much about the feelings you have for him. 

“It’s hard to let you go, but I know you’ll truly shine there, you know?” you let out, whispering. You open your eyes to find him staring at you, eyes filled with sadness and fear, flicking in between your eyes and your lips, just how you were scared of doing a few seconds ago. You wonder if he’s going to kiss you, if he’s going to give you the last goodbye, but he doesn’t.

His lips reach your forehead instead, placing a loving kiss onto your skin, but the butterflies in your stomach act on it with the same intensity as if it was a real kiss.

“You’re going to do amazing, Minho. Don’t be afraid. I believe in you.” 

And with that, you pay your goodbyes. Neither of you say it, but the both of you know that it might be for the last time. It feels like an end-- maybe because it is, but hell, you still treasure these moments just as much. You really did have fun with Lee Minho in your life.

Your feet reach the bottom floor, hands hurriedly banging onto the wooden door. Your breathing is quick, hands shaking from nerves. There’s no way you’re letting him leave like that. You know you already said your goodbyes at his doorstep yesterday, but after reading the letter, things were put into a whole different perspective.

You recall the words on the paper, the sentences running through your head like a broken record as you continue to bang on the door.

Dear Y/N,

I know we already said our goodbyes, but I can’t sleep and I feel like I have to write you this letter. There are so many things I want to tell you, but can’t, simply because I am a big coward and I’m also, coincidentally, bad with words, but I guess… here goes nothing.

I know you felt it last night. I regret not kissing you on my crusty grey rug you love so much (you can keep it if you want), but at the same time, I regret nothing. Perhaps ending it all with a kiss would make it only harder for me us.

From the day I met you, I knew you were going to be someone special. And not like, special in a way that you are special, because we are all just ordinary normal people, but special to me. You stole a big chunk of my heart and you never gave it back, so I guess I’ll just let you keep it haha. I know I told you I didn’t yell at you for the washing machine because I didn’t want you to cry, but it was mainly because you were too beautiful and I got nervous, so…

You told me to do what my heart desires when I first told you the news. I know it sounds cheesy, but what my heart desires the most has always been you. I know you’d feel bad for keeping me here, though. We have always been dreaming together and my dream has finally come true. It hurts me to know you won’t be there by my side to live it with me and it hurts me to know your dream hasn't come true yet, but I am rooting for you. You know that.

Anyways, I am spiraling a little. I wish this wasn’t so hard for me. 

I should have asked you out on a date long, long ago. I missed out big time. But I guess it’s too late to do that now. 

It hurts me to know I won’t be just a floor away from you now. It hurts to know there will probably be another dude moving in in a few days that will get to live though your first meeting (and I hope it won’t be as disastrous as ours was), but at the same time, I don’t want you to be hanging on me. 

Promise me to be happy. Promise me to never change. 

And the most important thing I wanted to tell you is that I love you. I’ve always had and maybe I always will, who knows. I know it changes nothing. I guess I just selfishly, desperately wanted you to know. In case you didn’t know it already.

Oh, and your cooking’s actually nice. 

I love you. 

I’m going to I miss you already. 

— sincerely, your favorite neighbour, partner in crime, washing machine repairer, pain in the ass, and the most fabulous best friend,

Minho. ♡

Once you finally realise you own a spare key you were supposed to return to your best friend last night before saying goodbye, your hands instinctively take it out from the huddle of keys from your own apartment and unlock his front door. 

Your feet dash through his apartment, reaching his bedroom, but finding it empty. 

You nervously turn around, seeing the boxes from next to his door had disappeared, just like his suitcase had, when it truly hits you one last time-- he is gone.

He is gone and there’s nothing you can do about it now. You loved each other, but now, it’s too late.

You reach his bedroom and find the grey rug still there, waiting for you. Your feet wobbly meet the middle, letting you fall to the floor as you hug yourself on the floor, laying in the emptiness of his room, missing the way he’d always lay next to you and his cats crawled on top of your body. 

And you finally let yourself cry-- you let it all out, because the truth is, even though you never said it to him, it is so damn hard for you. It feels like a piece of you left with him.

But perhaps, what hurts you the most about it all is, that it’s never coming back. 

You didn’t even get to tell him you love him.

[wayward-dreamer]

Always Remember Us This Way

Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader

Word count: 3,785 (prompt in bold)

Summary: Maintaining the facade of a normal life while hunting was harder than Dean had imagined.

Warnings: Swearing, Some fluff, Smut: Brief dry humping, Dirty talk, Unprotected sex (wrap it up before you tap it, people), ANGST, Tears, Sadness, Dean’s self deprication rears it ugly head.

A/N 1: This turned out WAY angsty-er than I was planning lol, but let me know what you guys think! Happy (not so much) reading and enjoy! :)

A/N 2:  This is for @deanwanddamons 2K Followers and 1st Blogiversary celebration! My prompt was: “I just wanted to take another look at you” from A Star Is Born. Congratulations lovely, and I hope you enjoy!

Dividers by @talesmaniac89.

It was a relief to drive through the main streets of Lebanon, Kansas after a hunt. It meant that all was well. Seeing the locals and driving past all their regular spots always centred Dean. It made him feel like he was back on familiar ground and he could breathe easier.

Dean smiled as he parked the Impala outside his favorite diner. He had dropped Sam off at the bunker and gone into town, but not to bring back food, as he always did. He closed the car door and leaned against it, crossing his arms across his chest as he waited. His smile widened as he spotted the reason he was there coming out of the diner.

Y/N smiled at him as she opened the door, carrying two large, white paper bags, no doubt filled with food. Her satchel hung over one shoulder, her uniform stuffed into it, having changed into a long, black summer dress with a floral print and flip-flops. Her Y/H/C hair was tied in a high ponytail, swishing side-to-side as she hurried over to him. When she reached him, he pulled her in by her hips and kissed her, feverishly. Her hands were full, but she leaned her forearms against his, wanting to feel his skin against hers.

“Hey” she whispered against his lips. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too” he smirked as he leaned in and kissed her again. “Sorry it took so long to get back.”

“Yeah, well… those roaches aren’t gonna kill themselves” she laughed as she looked into his eyes.

Dean hated lying to her about pest control being his job that took him around the country, but it was the only way to keep her safe from the life he really lived.

She held up the bags and smiled. “Bacon cheeseburgers and fries, and two slices of pecan pie.”

“You really know the way to my heart, Y/N Y/L/N” he smirked.

“Sure do, Dean Campbell” she said, pecking his lips.

Yet another thing he felt guilty about: not being honest about his name. The whole town knew him and Sam as the Campbell brothers, the ones that kept to themselves but were incredibly friendly and willing to help out in any way they could, when they could. If only they knew just how much he and Sam had done for this town.

“We blowin’ this joint or what?” he asked, as he held onto her shoulders and led her over to the passenger side of the car.

“Yes, please” she replied, as she walked ahead of him. He opened the door for her and she smiled. “Such a gentleman” she said, winking at him as she sat in the passenger seat.

Dean drove them to a clearing just outside of town, a place they considered theirs and had been to many times before. He always brought her here because it was away from prying eyes and countless questions if they stayed in town. He parked near a tree, the sun setting in the distance, glistening over the grass as the last few rays reflected off the blades. They got out of the car and Dean took out a blanket from the trunk, setting it down on the grass. Y/N sat down and folded her legs underneath her, opening the first bag as he settled down next to her.

“Thanks” he said, grinning as she handed him the wrapped burger and box of fries.

She watched as he dug in and hummed around a mouthful, laughing a little as he closed his eyes.

“Don’t judge” he mumbled around the bite, his cheeks bulging with burger.

She laughed again, leaning in and kissing his big cheek. “Never.”

They laughed and talked about random things as they ate, their conversation never sparking suspicions from her, which Dean was thankful for. As they talked, they both couldn’t help but remember how they met. He recalled how it was her first shift at the diner and she was completely lost, tripping over her own feet and landing straight into his arms as he launched himself out of his seat so that she didn’t fall flat on her face. One look into her Y/E/C eyes and he was done for. Y/N remembered staring up into his green orbs and seeing his perfect lips, wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of her days feeling them against hers.

By the end of that shift, he and Sam had eaten a free lunch and Dean had walked away with her number on a napkin.

That was nearly a year ago. In that time, Dean had been away so many times, sometimes spending weeks away because of hunt after hunt. She never questioned him, never doubted him and never accused him of anything. For all this, Dean knew he didn’t deserve her but was grateful all the same that he did have her.

However, he couldn’t help but feel that if things got more complicated with their Chuck situation, he would have to break it off with her. The last thing he needed was Chuck knowing about her. If he didn’t already.

After eating, Dean had laid back on the blanket, holding Y/N close to him as he gazed up at the stars. The sun had completely set over an hour ago, and they were basking in the light summer breeze that blew over them. Y/N’s head rested on his chest, her arm around his torso as she looked up at the sky.

“I wish we could stay like this forever” she said, softly. “I’d never let you leave” she let out a small laugh, not realizing how much that one sentence killed him.

He sighed heavily, the thoughts of what they were dealing with not leaving his mind.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she asked, moving her head to look up at him. The crinkles around his eyes were deep as his eyebrows were pulled tight into a frown.

He looked down at her, his face instantly relaxing as he looked into her eyes. “I’m pretty sure they’ll cost more than that.”

“Hey” she said, cupping his jaw. “Whatever it is… it’ll work out.”

He shook his head, closing his eyes. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” she asked in return, stroking her thumb along his jaw.

“Just know what to say without knowing the full story” he replied, as he continued to look at her.

“It’s a gift” she joked but frowned when she noticed he didn’t let out even a small chuckle. He sat up, his back to her as he stared up at the sky. Y/N sat up and scooted closer to him, trying to look at him as he turned his face away.

“Dean” she whispered as she cupped his jaw and slowly turned his face to look at her.

“I guess I’m just trying to figure out how you can trust me so easily, without knowing about my life” he lamented, shaking his head. It had always baffled him how she took everything in and didn’t question it. Not once.

“Because I don’t need to know about it” she said, shrugging. “I know your heart. I know you’re a good person. I feel it. That’s all I need to know.”

He smiled softly, shaking his head as he marvelled at the fact that she could be so open and trusting. He wished he could be like that with people other than her and Sam.

Dean leaned in and kissed her, passionately, lifting his hands to cup her cheeks. He deepened the kiss, humming at the taste of pecan and cinnamon on her tongue, feeling her hands move into his hair and her fingernails lightly scrape his scalp. She moved her hands down to his shoulders, lightly pushing him back to lie down as she slowly straddled his hips, her legs on either side of him. She leaned down and pressed herself into him, the kiss growing more eager. His hands travelled up and down her back, moving down her thighs and slowly lifting up the skirt of her dress. He pressed his hands to her smooth skin, warm against his palms. Her hips began to roll into his, slowly. She hummed against his lips as she felt his jeans begin to tighten, against her core.

Y/N continued to roll her hips against Dean’s, feeling her arousal grow and wet her lacy panties. She continued to move her hips, feeling Dean’s cock strain against the fabric of his jeans. She sat up; her palms pressed into his chest as she smiled down at him. Her hands moved down and her left one began to rub his hard on through his pants. She watched him bite his lip and smiled, both hands working to open his jeans. Once she had taken his belt off and undid his jeans, she sat up slightly and pulled them down to below his knees, doing the same with his boxers, seeing his hard cock spring free. She grinned mischievously as she slid her covered pussy back and forth against his cock, the fabric of her panties against his skin.

“Shit” he gasped, feeling the sensation of the lace against his hard on.

Dean reached down and lifted up the skirt of her dress, moving it to the side to see her black panties. He hooked a finger into the fabric and pulled it aside, biting his bottom lip as he saw her. He moved his thumb against the folds, feeling her wetness. She let out a small whimper as his thumb brushed against her clit, slowly circling it.

“Shit, Dean” she gasped, as his thumb picked up the pace a little. She softly grasped his cock in her hand and held it against her, rubbing the head against her folds. “Fuck.”

“Fuck, Y/N” he muttered as he watched what she was doing.

He took a hold of his cock, a cue to her to sit up, holding the head to her entrance. Dean moved his hand away as she slowly sank down, his cock buried completely within her. She moaned loudly, knowing there was no one around for miles. She began to rock back and forth slowly, humming when he grabbed her hips, his thumbs stroking her hip bones.

“Fuck” she gasped, as she pressed her hands into his covered chest, smiling down at him. “I missed feeling you inside me.”

“Shit, sweetheart… I missed being inside you” he agreed, as he began to move her hips a little faster.

She threw her head and moaned wantonly, meeting him thrust for thrust as she picked up the pace. “Don’t… don’t leave me again.”

Dean closed his eyes, trying not to let her see how affected he was by what she just said. He sat up and pulled her close, pulling down the front of her dress and the cups of her bra. He leaned down and kissed her breasts, her hands coming to the back his head to pull him closer. She moaned as he kissed and sucked at her nipples, pebbled from his ministrations and the breeze blowing around them. She thrusted down harder and faster, the moment far too overpowering.

“Dean” she said, moving his head to look into his eyes. “I’m so close.”

“Me too, sweetheart. I want you to cum with me” he groaned as he looked at her.

She grinded her hips down against his, feeling the coil in her core begin to tighten. Dean cupped her face, making her look him directly in the eyes.

“Look at me” he said, staring at her. “Look at me when you cum on my cock.”

She gripped his wrists tightly, looking at him with hooded eyes as her mouth curved into an ‘o’ as the pressure grew.

Their thrusts became erratic, as she felt everything build up. Suddenly, as they looked into each other’s eyes, the coil in her belly snapped, causing a loud, drawn out moan to leave her lips as her juices flowed down his cock. Dean let out a strangled moan as he stared into her eyes, cumming deep inside of her, coating her walls with his release.

They pulled each other in, hugging tight as they breathed heavily. Dean leaned his forehead on her shoulder, as she combed her hands through his hair. Neither of them wanting to let go of each other or the moment. Dean didn’t want to let go because then he would have to face the reality of everything he felt guilty for. Y/N didn’t want to let go because she feared if she did, he’d leave again, with no certainty of when he’d be back. She wanted to remember this moment and remember them this way. Together. Always.

They took a few moments to stay the way they were, before they redressed, packed up and left for her house. The car ride was quiet, holding a peace between them that they only felt with each other. They made love in her bed, making up for lost time and hoping that it would be a long time before they would have to separate again.

However, as Y/N fell asleep in his arms, Dean stared up at the ceiling if her bedroom. He knew the reality. He knew what he had to do to keep her safe as their situation with Chuck grew more dire.

He just wished he didn’t have to.

Dean woke up before her even though he had only slept for a few hours. He watched her for a few moments, a content, small smile on her face as she slept, her breath even. He slowly got out of bed, careful not to move too harshly and jolt her awake. He stood up and put his boxers on, going in search of his phone. His jeans had fallen at the foot of the bed and he picked them up, taking out his phone from the front pocket.

He looked at the lock screen, seeing a couple of missed calls and a message from Sam.

Didn’t want to bother you when you’re with Y/N but Cas has a lead on Chuck. Wants us to meet him in Colorado. Get back to the bunker soon, we can go over the plan.

Dean frowned. He had wished he had more time before they got something on Chuck, so that he could spend time with Y/N. He knew that was too good to be true.

“You’re up early” he heard her voice behind him.

He turned around, seeing her sitting up in bed, holding the sheet to her naked body. She rubbed her eyes and smiled at him, looking even more beautiful in the morning sun that filtered through the window.

“Yeah” he sighed, his voice betraying him, not being able to say anything else.

Dean watched as she wrapped a robe around herself and walked into the kitchen, getting the coffee started. As he dressed, he didn’t know how to begin to tell her he couldn’t stay for coffee. He couldn’t stay for a few more hours. He probably wouldn’t be back any time soon.

He may not come back at all.

Dean continued to watch her as he stood at the end of the kitchen bench, dressed and ready to leave. He didn’t know how to find the strength to tell her what he needed to. It was only going to break her heart and he didn’t know if he could live with that. However, breaking her heart was better than her being dead. Which she would be if Chuck ever found her.

“Just how you like it” she smiled as she brought over a mug of hot black coffee to him. She looked at him, not knowing what was about to happen. He wished he could keep it that way, that he didn’t have to say anything.

“I can’t stay” he said, clearing his throat of the roughness that had occurred due to his emotions. “Something’s come up. I gotta go.”

“Oh” she said, surprised and hiding her disappointment quite well. “When… when will you be back?”

Dean shook his head, wishing she hadn’t asked that. “I don’t know.”

She frowned, confused. “But… but you just got here.”

“I know, Y/N, but I have to go” he told her, slowly grasping her hand on the kitchen bench.

“Can’t someone else go?” she asked, shaking her head. Her voice was starting to shake as she tried to keep it together.

Dean smiled sadly. “I wish.”

“Why… why do I get the feeling this isn’t about a pest control job?” she asked, showing doubt in him for the first time since he met her.

“I’m sorry” he said, knowing any way he answered her question wouldn’t help her.

“You really don’t know when you’ll be back?” she asked, her voice small, not trusting it to speak any louder.

Dean felt that invisible hole within him become bigger, the guilt eating at him. “Y/N, I… I might not be coming back. At all.”

She flinched as she looked at him, pulling her hand away. “What?” She felt pieces of her heart beginning to flake off the longer she talked to him.

His jaw clenched, trying to keep himself together. “I might not be coming back to Lebanon.”

He didn’t want to do this to her but if something were to happen on this mission, he didn’t want to leave her with false hope that he would be coming back.

“So… so what does that mean?” she wondered, her eyes welling up.

He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and never leave, but he couldn’t. He had a job and responsibility. That had to come first. He couldn’t be selfish anymore. No matter how much he wanted to be.

Dean shook his head, not being able to say anything, hoping that gesture would be enough. Y/N felt a clenching in her chest, her heart no doubt breaking at the realization of what Dean meant. How, after a year of being each other’s rock, could it all be over?

Y/N felt Dean move in closer to her, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She shook her head, desperately grasping his jaw in her hands and kissing him hard. It was bruising and painful as they roughly kissed, pulling and biting, but it was a sign that neither wanted to let go. Tears ran down her cheeks as she kissed him, faltering as sobs took over her body. Dean pulled away from the kiss and held her against him as she cried. He leaned his chin on her head, his heart breaking as he listened to her crying.

“I…” she gasped, not being able to breathe. “I-I t-told you not to leave” she cried, shaking her head against his chest.

“I don’t want to” he whispered, his emotions getting the better of him too, as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“Then don’t” she sobbed. “Please.”

He shook his head, closing his eyes. “I can’t do that, Y/N. I’m sorry. I’m doing this to keep you safe.”

“I don’t understand” she said, looking up at him with her tear-stained face close to his.

He knew that she wouldn’t, but he had to say it all the same.

“I… I have to go” he said, cupping her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“I…” she trailed off, not being able to say it. She knew it would break them both if she did.

“I know” he whispered, smiling at her through his sadness. “Me too.”

Dean leaned in, softly kissing her lips. It was passionate, loving and held everything he felt for her without saying it. He reluctantly pulled away, quickly walking away. He walked to her front door and opened it, not turning back to look at her. If he did, he’d give in and stay.

“Hey” she called out from the threshold.

Dean turned around, seeing her looking more vulnerable than he had ever seen her.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice gravelly.

“Nothing, I just…” she smiled, shaking her head. “I just wanted to take another look at you.”

Dean smirked sadly, pushing down what he was feeling in that moment as best as he could. Every fibre of his being wanted to walk up to her and take her in his arms. Stay with her and never leave… but he couldn’t. He turned around and walked to the Impala, getting in and starting up the car. From the corner of his eye, he could see Y/N still standing on her porch, watching him. He started the engine, revving loudly as he pulled away from the house, tires screeching loudly and no doubt waking up her neighbors as he backed out and accelerated forward, speeding away from the house.

Y/N watched as Dean sped away, tears falling down her face as she continued to look out at the street, even after he had disappeared. She wiped her face and steeled herself, turning and walking back into her house. She shut the door behind her, as she went onto going about her day, as normal as possible.

She knew she had to shut down and stop herself from feeling the pain. It was better that way.

As Dean drove back to the bunker, his mind reeled. Had he made the right decision? Maybe he should’ve told Y/N the truth. Would she have accepted it and him? What would it mean for her fate if she knew?

He suddenly felt overwhelmed, his hands numb around the steering wheel. He pulled off to the side of the road, not being able to continue driving. He gripped the steering wheel tighter as he leaned forward, breathing erratic as everything took over at the same time. All the sadness. All the guilt.

He slammed his hands down on the steering wheel repeatedly, kicking the door open as he got out, leaning his hands on top of the car when he stood. He hung his head, trying to take deep breaths of the fresh air of the early morning. He closed his eyes, feeling the tears roll down his face. He wiped them away roughly, but more kept coming. He clenched his fists as memories of Y/N flooded his mind, the emotional weight of everything taking over him.

As he stood on the side of the road, trying to keep calm but failing, his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was most likely Sam, calling to find out where he was.

However, he ignored it as he quietly cried, his forehead resting against the cool metal of his beloved Baby.

His memories of Y/N were all he could think about as the weight of his mistake consumed him.

-x-

Tags: @flamencodiva @deanwanddamons @winchest09 @katehuntington @akshi8278 @hobby27 @michellethetvaddict @spngirl05 @kyjey @halesandy @440mxs-wife @stoneyggirl @deanswaywardgirl @wonder-cole @that-one-gay-girl @redbarn1995 @marianita195 @babypink224221 @deans-baby-momma @parinarain @thoughts-and-funnies @mandalou29 @ellewritesfix05 @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @supraveng​ @roonyxx​ @supernatural-love14​ @vicmc624​ @prettyboyswow​ @lunarmoon8​ @supernatural-bellawinchester​

[pretty-setter-bois]

elephant in the room

request; none! this idea popped into my head n i thought it was funny. also, this takes place during episode 4 ღ

summary; sexual tension between you and our resident ‘innocent boy’. but daisuke’s there too.

word count; 2611™

warnings; suggestive themes (no nsfw!), daisuke bby cuts his finger while cutting potatoes, maybe haru not being as innocent as we deem him to be ☛☚

prequel

     DAISUKE’S PHONE RINGS as he walks along the roads on the private property he owned, eyebrows knitting and lips pursing as he looked at the contact calling him, answering nonetheless. “what?”

“you got some time right now?” haru asks. 

wasn’t it his day off?

“yeah.” he leans forward in anticipation. “hurry up and get to the point.”

“sorry, to do this while you’re off duty, but could you help me with something? well, it’s not like absolutely need your help, but...” haru rambles.

“i don’t mind coming over, however...” daisuke looks at the road ahead of him, knowing the journey was long. “why didn’t you ask (L/N)-san? she lives much closer than i do, and-” a small, repetitive beep continued for a few seconds, cutting him off.

haru had hung up.

     DAISUKE HAD SPOTTED haru on the bench, beginning to fall asleep. “hey. what do you need?”

“hey. sorry about this.” he jolts awake.

“hurry up and get to the point.” he replies, arrogant. “is something wrong with that child?”

the kid runs towards them, pointing towards daisuke. “is this the man?”

“yeah.” haru confirms with a nod.

“mister! please, can you find shiro for me?” he begs.

“what’s going on?” he turns to haru.

“shiro has gone missing!’ the boy exclaims.

“well, basically, a puppy named shiro has gone missing.” haru explains. “can you use your AI butler to find him?”

that was how daisuke got roped into this mess, following a wild goose chase in the shape of a white dog, without HEUSC.

he fools the kid into running off to find his dog, the smug smile playing on his face disappearing as haru drags him after the kid.

they meet an old woman on her yard, finding out that the dog the boy thought was shiro, was actually a cat.

they leave the yard defeated, taking tsuyoshi (the boy) to the police station to find out where he lived, and take him home.

     THE DETECTIVE DUO were in the grocery store, daisuke pushing the cart as haru gathered the ingredients they needed for dinner. daisuke dangerously eyes the natto haru placed in the shopping cart, not wanting it near him at any cost.

you, on the other hand, completely oblivious to them, were happily shopping among the tiny store. you placed all your items in your basket, unknowingly standing behind them in line.

you had to admit, the crisp-ironed white dress shirt and dark, navy blue vest looked completely familiar. “kambe-san?”

“(L/N)-san,” he turns around casually, revealing haru behind him.

“what are you doing here?” your voice quiets down a little, shocked at the sight of the man behind him as you addressed daisuke.

“shopping. i wish you a pleasant experience while shopping in this... grocery store.” his nose crinkles while he tries to remember the name of the building he was in.

“yeah, you too...” your voice wavers, and you want nothing more but to return to your timid ways.

“you should have dinner with us. it would be nice to partake in an activity together outside of the office. this is what you would call a hangout, am i correct?”

“yeah.” you giggle at his formality and absence of knowledge for casual words, not yet noticing haru’s strong stare towards you.

     “WHEN I SAID ‘yeah’, i was agreeing to your question about hangouts.” you jog on the side walk, trying to keep up with the tall men in front of you (though you would soon find out that daisuke was a lot closer to your height than you’d originally thought).

“i apologize, would you like to go home?” he asks as formally as he does bluntly.

“she’s already here, so she might as well eat with us, right?” haru says, and it’s the first sentence he’s spoken that was addressed to you.

his voice is so much softer, so much higher compared to the octaves it dropped to last time-

you squeeze your eyes shut, taking a deep breath and opening them as you try your hardest to focus on whatever the pavement was made out of and nothing but.

he was thanking whatever higher power above him that he was walking in front, as every single on of the features on his face was a telltale sign that he was on the verge of breakdown. 

daisuke stops in front of the building, admiring it (or so you thought). you stop behind him, as the pathway to the stairwell was blocked, and you were more interested in what he had to say than being in haru’s line of sight.

“what are you doing?” haru turns towards him.

“this is where you live?” he asks.

“got a problem with that?” haru exclaims.

“no.” daisuke blinks, before the three of you set foot inside haru’s humble abode.

“it’s a bit cluttered, but don’t worry about it.” he motions.

“so you really do live here?” daisuke asks again, and you think about getting involved before haru kicks him out and it becomes just the two of you.

“stop pestering!” he becomes agitated, but leads you both to the kitchen. “i have to cook some rice first... alright, can you chop up the carrots and potatoes over there?”

haru hands his fellow detective a potato, as daisuke stares at it intently. you decide to intervene, feeling bad that you’d ended up in his house without him being able to make a decision. “i’ll help!”

haru nods, taking things out of his shopping bag as you focus on his eyes. they had returned to their usual, golden yellow, and his pupils were normal again. 

they had darkened to a gorgeous light brown hue a few nights prior, his pupils largely dilating to a radius you’d never seen on eyes before-

you move to one of his drawers, the one he kept knives (and corkscrews, which you’d learned earlier) in to help daisuke with cutting vegetables.

daisuke noticed that you’d known exactly where it was without guidance, but brushed it off and focused on the task at hand.

once you’d found one, you stand next to him and begin to cut potatoes effortlessly, humming a small tune you’d heard somewhere on the bus.

daisuke looks over, trying to copy your actions, failing with difficulty. how did you make it look so easy? 

“need help?” you ask with a smile, to which he nods, primarily focusing on the potatoes.

“like this...” you unknowingly stick your tongue out in concentration, sturdying his left hand around the vegetable and guiding his right hand with your own, all while standing beside him.

haru couldn’t keep his eyes off of the both of you, mentally cursing daisuke for using the opportunity to get closer to you. why was he jealous?

“ah!” he yells, being too distracted to notice the hot steam that tickled — and almost burned — his hand.

“are you alright?” you ask, peaking your head through the door.

you’d gotten comfortable with the situation, knowing that you’d be here for a while. might as well suck it up and act like an adult, right?

“yeah...” he breathes, ears twitching at your voice.

it was just as harmonious as it was when he’d heard it then, had you always sounded like an angel? you didn’t even have to speak words, incoherent noises being more than enough proof-

he tries to shake the thoughts out of his head, counting the grains of rice to distract him from being distracted. he was doomed.

you, completely unaware of his thoughts, decided that daisuke had had enough practice cutting and could do it on his own. not even a minute later, he speaks up.

“the first aid box.”

you look up, confused.

“i injured myself. bring me the first aid box.” he repeats.

“huh? like i’d have something like that. just lick it, it’ll heal.” haru shrugs.

you inspect daisuke’s finger, noticing that the cut was larger than an average cut you’d get from cutting vegetables.

you nimbly make your way to the shelf, opening it and reaching for the band-aids. damn it. even on your tippy-toes you weren’t tall enough to reach it.

you feel a presence behind you, one you recognize. you recognize it because it’s the only one capable of making your heart race, the speed of your mind competing against your heart with thoughts-

“(L/N)-san?” daisuke asked, eager for your return as he would not be able to cut the rest of the potato.

“yes?” you squeaked, glad he couldn’t see you trapped in between the sink and haru.

“where are you?” he continues with his question.

“i’m getting band-aids, give me a second.” you manage to speak.

so you knew where the band-aids were, too. he thinks. 

at the mention of band-aids, haru gets them from above you and places them in front of you. you let out a small ‘thank you’, and get back to daisuke.

realizing that you had to get back to the kitchen to return them, and you couldn’t bare another awkward interaction, you place them on the table and continue with your work.

     “THIS IS ALL you have?” daisuke asks, stepping out of the shower in haru’s clothes.

you couldn’t help but marvel at his appearance, how does his hair feel like? is it as fluffy as it seems? he looked absolutely adorable.

“you know, you’ve been complaining this whole time.” haru points out, and daisuke crosses his arms on his chest behind him.

you were also glad that daisuke took short showers, as being alone with haru made the elephant in the room grow bigger.

said man put your food on to plates, and the three of you carried your plates to a table, you being on either side of them.

“thank you for the food.” you nod, before beginning to eat.

you had to admit, this was much better than the packet-ramen you had originally planned to eat.

he looked at you while you were distracted, devouring something from hunger as he began to-

-eat his own food, shaking his head again. the three of you had finished your food, and you washed the plates and spoons as a token of gratitude for the meal.

you’d arrived at the table after finishing, only to be greeted by an awkward question from daisuke. “have you been here before?”

“what do you mean?” not quite comprehending it.

“haru’s apartment.” he tilts his head towards you. “have you been here before?”

your eyes widen, a shaking fist making it’s way towards your chest as you blushed red. “wh-why would you say that?”

“you know where everything is. the knives, the ban-aids, the sponge.” he bluntly deducts.

you looked at haru, who gulped and tried to avoid your stare. so this is how the night was going to go down?

“n-no, not at all!” you nervously chuckle. “all houses look the same in this area, so it was easy.”

“do all people put their belongings in the same places too?” daisuke asks. what he meant as a simple question became more evidence against your lie.

“um...” you shy away from the question.

“i got something you might like.” haru says, and like that, the conversation is dodged. for now.

dry-cured ham was thrown into the mix (and spit out by daisuke, to which you tried and failed to stifle a laugh).

haru gets up and goes to the kitchen, throwing in a bunch of ingredients to make something he referred to as a ‘kato family special’.

“a can of tuna, bean sprouts... pour some soy sauce with tons of wasabi in it... and lastly, some bonito flakes.” he explains as he cooks.

he serves it to daisuke, and you watch intently as the millionaire takes a bite. was he going to enjoy food that us commoners eat?

“are you going to have some, (L/N)-san?” he asks.

“ah, no thank you. i’ve had some befo-” you cut yourself off, realizing what you had just said.

“you’ve been here before.” he bluntly shrugs. “why hide it?”

you don’t respond, instead excusing yourself for water (and a change of dreaded atmosphere). after you return, you announce, “i think i should take my leave now... it’s getting late, and if i wait any later, i wont be able to leave.”

“your phone.” daisuke simply points out.

damn it. it had died earlier, and thankfully, you had a charger (so you wouldn’t have to ask haru for one). you’d come here walking, and since it was late, you didn’t want to leave without your phone at least at a decently charged number.

“i guess a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt...” you awkwardly chuckle.

     “INSPECTOR ASANO, YOU are ordered on indefinite leave effective today.” the tv announces, the movie you’d been roped into watching coming close to an end.

haru and daisuke sat behind you, the only difference between you three is that you were the only one sober. you didn’t want another repeat of last time.

haru began rambling about justice, about how some people lived a life with everything given to them. daisuke, on the other hand, was on the verge of falling asleep.

his subconscious self made his way to wherever he ended up, saying that he wanted to sleep. you yourself had gotten up, knowing that you had to get going yourself.

as you were getting up, you felt something tug at your wrist. a drunk haru. “don’t leave. it’s late.”

“well, i kind of have too...” you nervously giggle while rubbing the back of your neck.

“why?”

“well, i can’t sleep here. there’s no where i can sleep.” you shrug; a lie.

“then sleep on the bed.”

“i’m pretty sure daisuke’s sleeping on the couch, and i’d hate to kick you off of your own bed-”

“i’ll sleep on the bed too.”

your face gets red, your arm gets limp in his and your brain can’t comprehend anything. “wh-what?”

“i said i’ll sleep on the bed too, why should it matter.” his words are slowly spoken. “i mean, we’ve done it before, right?”

haru was always bolder when drunk (proven by last time), and it only left you blushing and limp.

“b-but... daisuke’s outside, how-what is-”

he cuts her off, pulling her towards him as she falls forwards. their lips, the only thing on their minds, being a mere inch away, connect themselves as if having minds of their own.

what was meant to be an innocent kiss soon turned into a heated one, and then a make-out session, and then you staying over. you’d dreaded the repeat of last time to happen, but now that it had, you couldn’t be any more grateful.

extra;

     YOU’D WOKEN UP early, lazily putting on whatever you’d discarded the night before. you dashed to the bathroom to at least try and wash up, before daisuke caught you and questioned you again.

you open the door quietly, almost letting out a shout of surprise. in the bathtub, daisuke was sleeping soundly yet in an uncomfortable position. you quickly scramble for your phone, thinking that he couldn’t get any more adorable than he was now.

you snap a quick photo, deciding that it was all the waking up that you needed, and made your way to haru’s room. you woke him up softly, watching as his eyelashes slowly blinked awake.

you give him a quick kiss on the cheek, before he mutters something incomprehensible and goes back to sleep. maybe one day, the elephant in the room would be addressed.

NOTES ☀♕❣⁂ღ

so um, this was a ride. i’m glad i finally have a haru imagine! our bby deserves some love! also, daisuke with his hair down, a whole BABY.

[fangirlyah]

✦ pumpkin pie - Edmund Pevensie x Reader

summary: MODERN!AU secondary school starts, and your life is completely different from the pevensies’...would it be possible for them to connect in some point? 

warnings: none

word count: 2k

a/n: present / past

the rain was pouring outside of the apartment on a sunday afternoon. even from your bed you could hear the soft sound of the bonfire in the fireplace burning out and smell the scent of the coffee you did a few minutes ago. 

being in college wasn't easy, not just because of all the work and study you had to do, but also because it meant being apart of your family for a lot of time. you were lucky though, edmund was by your side. 

you met at secondary school and hate each other right away. he was this bad boy wannabe with the perfect life and you were the girl who always wore a smile on her face, even in the darkest times. 

there’s a saying that the adviser and helpful friend was the most hurt one, and in this case it was true. an empty home and a cold meal waited for you every day after school; you were the few people in school who didn't live there, you weren't a pupil because of the fact that you lived only five minutes away from school, so no one walked you to your house or make you company for a few streets. sometimes you thank that, because you knew no one would appear at the door to welcome you home and it embarrassed you a little. 

at the age of eleven, you already had a key to your front door and you knew how to make a meal from scratch, your mother said it would help you in the future, but sometimes you just wished to watch your mom make dinner and help her with it, like all the other kids. but you were mature enough to know that, since your dad left you, your mom had to work double shifts to pay food and expenses. 

a thing you liked to do when you ate at the kitchen counter alone, was to close your eyes and imagine the pevensies sitting beside you. a large table and exquisite food in it, everyone laughing and having a good time.  

being an only child wasn't easy, so when you watched the two brothers and sisters being so close you usually felt jealousy, you were so alone and so scared to admit it. you had friends who never came to your house nor knew your situation. one of your friends was susan pevensie, although she was older, you two had made an incredible bond when a school assembly took place and you two ended up sitting beside one another.  

for someone would be weird to hear that you hated edmund pevensie when you held such an admiration for the closeness of the family. but there was an encounter once that made you burn that feeling in your skin.

it was in the first week of school, you were still a little girl and he hurted you some much and edmund didn't even know. you remembered that it was lunchtime and you sat beside the first person in sight, no one was friends with anyone yet. that morning your mom had put you into a taxi cab and sent you to secondary school like a package, she put the ingredients of a sandwich in a lunch box and you put it together on the way to school. 

if you think very hard, you could still feel the embarrassment you felt when you took your badly done sandwich. 

“who made that foulness?! does your mother doesn't cook for you?” edmund was still a kid when he said that, so he didn't know that not everyone had a mother who cooked fancy meals every day. he was still a kid to notice how much you started hating him after that. in fact it took years for him to find out your dislike. he realized one day you greet peter, susan and lucy but not him; edmund didn't think too much of it, a lot of people didn't find him dearing. 

“christmas eve is in two weeks! this few months passed in a rush” one of your classmates said, she had always been fond of any holiday celebration. 

“what are you guys going to do?” every girl at the table started talking, the only thing that you could hear over all of the crashing voices was that katie was planning on visiting her grandparents at yorkshire. 

“and you, y/n? you didn't say anything” of course susan would notice, you slapped yourself in your thought; it would have been more simple to say some nonsense while everyone was speaking. now the attention was on you and you only had a few minutes to think of a movie scene you had watched, and make it yours. what did blair waldorf do for christmas eve in season three? 

“I think my grandma it's coming..” lie, she was dead “she makes this amazing ginger cookies every year” lie, she sucked at cooking while alive. 

everyone seemed convinced, you weren't an open book so that simple false details of your life left them satisfied. but again, not everyone. susan pevensie had stopped you by the stairs and invited you to her home for christmas eve’s lunch. you accepted right away, saying that your grandma had texted you saying she wasn't coming; you knew she didn't believe but she left you alone, so it was enough. 

when the day came around, you stood in front of a mirror. your sixteen year old  self adorned by a delicate dress, nothing special just an a-line dark purple dress. you opened the clutch bag on your hand and counted the pounds inside, it was enough for the train you just had to resist the urge to buy a snack from the trolley.  

the pevenises’s house was thirty minutes away from yours, so before you stood in front of the principal door, you had time to rehearse what you would say or how you would act. the idea that susan may have told her family about your solitary christmas situation, put you more nervous. you decided to push the thought away, but when you saw her mom open the door with such a pity face, you realized you were right. you knew that the woman didn't do it with any bad intentions but you felt bad when she grabbed the pumpkin pie you had made and watched you with even more sorrow. 

nevertheless, the night was pretty good. better of what you had experienced if you had stayed and ate spaghetti freshly thawed. 

“we are really glad you made it, y/n” peter said while he served more potatoes on his plate.  

“I'm actually the delighted one, this food is really appetizing” lucy smiled beside you, proud that she had helped her mom do all the food. 

“what would have eaten at home? I know you are a great cook!” your friend susan said “she makes the best cinnamon cookies ever!”  

“emm...probably i would have made some pigs in blankets and some brussel sprouts for my mom” it was the first time you talked sincerely with someone about what happened inside of your home. 

“is your mom not such a great cook as you?” mister pevensie asked. 

“she doesn't have the time to, so... i learned how to do it and now I’m better than her” while his family laughed, edmund realized why you hate him so much. it was years ago, but still to that day he wondered why the pretty and nice girl was softhearted to everyone but him. now he knew, edmund had hurt her feelings in first year and it seemed that she didn't forget.  

the classes returned to normal, after the holidays, he tried his best to like you. edmund had tried carrying your books, helping you with chemistry when you struggled and even checking that you are not forgetting anything in the classroom when you went home. you kindly rejected his offers; a part of you still had resentment but the other one told you it was stupid to keep umbrage to something that happedns years ago. 

it wasn't still a friday afternoon, it was raining and you hadn't brought a coat to school. it was the only evening they had free, and edmund decided to ask if you wanted him to walk you home, even if it meant wasting his entire afternoon.

for the first time you accepted. 

the first two streets were a complete silence. in the third you talked. 

“i know i already thank your sister, but...i just...i had a great time at your house before the holidays, so thanks...again” the freckled boy giggled at your adorable shyness, making you smile. you always knew he was a handsome young man, but..since when the school blue hat suited him so well? 

that phrase started what would be a nonstoping conversation until you reached your house. turns out edmund liked your pumpkin pie a lot, and he wanted to ask you if you would do some for him but he didn have the courage; you told him he didn't have to be shy around you, but you were around him. your house wasn't as big as the pevensie’s, but it was big enough for three two people. 

“thank you for coming with me, I know this cost you your free afternoon”  no one was home, as always, so you had no rush for coming inside but you supposed that he wanted to go back already. 

“it’s the least I can do after what I did…” you were facing each other, for the first time ever. 

“we were children, edmund” you tried to pretend you didn't care. 

“i didn't knew anything about you, that was why-” 

“you don't have to pity me” you interrupted him, that's why anyone knew about your mom, because the first thing people did when they found out was to pity. 

“I'm not, I'm admiring you” it was true, he thought he couldn't survive in your place; a scramble egg was science for him, imagine making a whole meal. you smiled at him while he did the same. 

“goodbye, edmund pevensie”  as you walked to your porch you heard him go:

“goodbye, y/n y/l” 

the entire weekend your head concocted thousands of ideas of how to talk to him again, what would you be your excuse? after hours of thinking you got the perfect plan. 

monday morning you entered the school gate with a little paper bag in your hands. you would be lying if you said that your hands didn't start shaking slightly, when you saw him go down the stairs with a sleepy face. he saw you immediately as your gaze was in the thing you were holding. 

“hey edmund” he stepped in front of you, ready to go to the canteen and grab breakfast. 

“hello, y/n” kids passed beside you, but neither of you were popular enough to catch the attention. 

“I...emm, I cooked some pumpkin pie and… I did too much so I decided to bring you some” lie, you did it just for him, you just ate a bite to taste it. he grabbed the package from your hands with a smile. 

“would you eat it with me?” 

“hey honey!” edmund’s head appeared at your bedroom’s door “is there any pumpkin pie in the fridge?” 

“ed, you are going to get sick of it if you keep eating it like a maniac” you left the book, that was in your hands, at your bedside table as you saw him get inside the room and head to you. he laid down gently on you, giving you a kiss. 

“I won’t, I promise” his smell always gets to you, how he smelled so good all the time. you shared an apartment near your collage, and one of its good things was the scent that came out of the bathroom every time he showered. 

“you have been eating the same dessert since we were sixteen, and now we are twenty-one, how did you not get tired of it?” that day had been a long one, full of study and stress. so when the night came and the rain started, the first thing you did was to make a nice dinner for you two. he was finishing his coffee and started starving pumpkin pie.

“that pie started everything between us, I can't get tired of it” he kissed your lips and you let his tongue go into your mouth. how was it possible that you ever hated him?

[firelordzukohere]

Interior Décor

Hello!

When I made this 4 chapters, I initially thought: “Oh 4 weeks? That’s a long time!”

Why didn’t anyone tell me it wasn’t that long!?! I feel like I just started this and I’m already sad it’s over! Please let me know if you want an epilogue or even some cute little one shots. I already have one in my head but I want to know if anyone would even be interested in it. Please let me know!

Finally,

Thank you everyone who read, re-blogged, liked, commented, or messaged me about this story. I haven’t posted a Zuko fanfiction since I was probably 15 years old and the support I received then wasn’t half as much as I have now. You guys are amazing and wonderful and every single notification I got made me smile brightly. I’d seriously get people asking me why I’m smiling at my phone so much. I’m so grateful to each and every one of you for everything, from my whole heart. Thank you so much. 

Please enjoy the last chapter of Interior Décor! I truly, truly hope you like it!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zuko X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Slight Aangst(heh), and some implications

Word Count: 5k

Summary: Iroh felt it was time for the Palace to reflect the time of Peace and Love that Zuko promised five years earlier at his coronation. He takes it upon himself to hire an interior decorator to help his nephew out and work together. What he didn’t expect was for Zuko to possibly find his own peace and love in the process.

Chapter 3: Jacquard >> Chapter 4: Trompe l’oeil >> Epilogue

The next morning, (Y/N) woke up to a chasm in her chest the size of the Earth Kingdom. It was as if several Earthbenders decided to practice their bending inside of her and leave a massive chunk missing from within. She already yearned to see Zuko again.

Burying her face further into her pillow she moaned. Why did they have to get along so well? Why couldn't she have just worked with Iroh the whole time instead of the Fire Lord? Didn't he have people who were supposed to handle the menial stuff like her, instead of himself? She never considered the fact that all the advisors that would come up to him throughout the couple of weeks wouldn't really stay around much. They always seemed busy doing other things, leaving the Fire Lord to his own devices. Leaving him to spend his days with her, laughing, talking, comfortable silences, and dancing.

She remembered how it felt being led around the floor by him. The moment was so intimate, so right, and she wanted to dance with him all over again. It was like a cloud carried her around, a warm, attractive cloud.

Another groan escaped her lips before she pulled herself out of bed to go and make some tea. Her aunt was already outside meditating for the morning, so she had to be silent as she set the pot on its stand and bent some fire to warm it up.

The silence was disturbed when there were three knocks on their front door. Her aunt looked over at her, brows furrowed in confusion at who could be here this early in the morning.

(Y/N) walked toward the door and slid it open to reveal a courier holding a large package wrapped in intricate silk.

"(Y/N)?" He asked, and she nodded in confirmation. The man shoved the package into her hand before rushing back to his ostrich horse and riding away. She stared at him dumbfounded for a moment and then balanced the package in one hand, shutting the door with the other.

"Ooh! A gift! From the Fire Lord?" Her aunt gushed walking up behind her to examine the beautiful box. (Y/N)'s face burned before she moved to the counter to unwrap the present. She wasn't sure if she hoped it was from him or not. If it was, that meant her aunt could possibly spread more rumors about her having an affair with the Fire Lord, but if it wasn't she was sure there would be a twinge of sadness that this random encounter wasn't from him.

As she removed the silk, opened the box and lifted what was inside, she gasped. It was a beautiful dress, very obviously Fire Nation red, but golden lace lined the halter neckline, and the bodice was covered in red roses with green leafs. The skirt was massive as she continued to pull it from the box. Once the item was fully out she couldn't help but admire the beauty.

However, she was slightly annoyed. This must have cost him at least a hundred gold pieces. She knew she had told him that her wardrobe did not consist of a dress that would be acceptable for the celebration, but that didn't mean he had to go out and buy her a new one!

"Oooh look! There's sleeves!" Her aunt said next to her pulling out sleeves that were the same gold to match the neckline. "And a note!" She handed (Y/N) the note and looked at her intensely to see who it was from.

(Y/N),

You said you didn't have a gown and that's the reason you wouldn't come tonight. I had my tailors work over time to make you this because I cannot imagine spending this evening celebrating you, without you there. I will not make a big fuss about you, so you can slip in silently and leave whenever you feel, but please come, at least to see how amazed everyone is going to be at the site of your hard work. Please come, for me.

I truly hope to see you tonight.

Zuko

P.S. I know you're probably worried about my tailors, they were not overworked and have been overly compensated for their duties.  

(Y/N)'s face was as red as the gown as her aunt ripped the note from her hands to read it. With a gasp she looked up at her niece and grinned furiously.

"Exactly how close did you get with the Fire Lord during this time? You implied he was in meetings most of your work days." Her tone pointed and (Y/N) frowned. "Dear, this note isn't just a client 'Thank you' this appears to be a subtle declaration."

Grunting angrily, (Y/N) shoved the dress back into the box and snatched the note and the sleeves from her aunt, forcing them inside as well.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not going tonight anyway. It's highly unprofessional of me to go to this party especially in a dress the Fire Lord had specifically made for me," she grumbled. "I'll just return the garment tomorrow and explain to him how offensive it is for him to expect to buy my attendance to the celebration." Her voice a low hiss as she pushed passed her aunt and into her bedroom, sliding the door shut angrily.

Sitting on the bed, she stared down at the box in her hands. She wasn't exactly angry at Zuko's gift, but she was angry that now she was put in this position. If she went, her aunt would spread all over town that she and the Fire Lord had more than a professional relationship and if she didn't she would waste the tailors' hard work and possibly hurt Zuko.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

His words rang in her mind as she stared at the golden lace. She honestly only cared what he thought and the fact that he wanted her to go tonight really resonated through her.

Please come, for me.

With a sigh, she placed the box down beside her and dropped her face into the palms of her hands. The internal battle she was dealing with was ripping her apart.

It was easier said than done to ignore what people thought and said about her. If she went tonight, the entire nation's eyes could possibly be watching, scrutinizing her and the Fire Lord.

What was she supposed to do?

Zuko's voice filled her mind once again, "We're supposed to do whatever makes us happy." Why was he always right? He was obviously learning from the notoriously wise Iroh and now passing that wisdom to her.

There was a knock on her door causing her to lift her face from her hands.

"Come in," she mumbled and watched as the door slid to the side and revealed her aunt holding a cup of the tea she had forgotten was brewing.

Sitting down beside her niece, her aunt handed her the cup and then sighed, the deep sound filling the tension stagnant room. While (Y/N) always had a great relationship with her aunt, a strain had formed when her aunt had spread the rumor about her and her first client. She wasn't sure if her aunt ever realized that their bond had weakened slightly, but she tried her best to act as if nothing was wrong.

"I know you know this," her aunt started, "but sometimes I struggle with keeping to myself. I've been alone for a long time. Your uncle died young, your mother and father shut me out after, insisting that I needed to find a new husband or I'd bring shame to the family, and my parents were never really around after your mother and I were married off. Any chance I can, to form a friendship, I take, even if it means hurting the people I love dearly in the process." The older woman frowned as she pat (Y/N)'s knee gently, "I've hurt you with my gossip, and I realize that. I was so excited for your new business and when I thought your first client could also potentially be someone to share your life with, I was happy for you..." trailing off, she couldn't help but sigh again, "but I didn't expect people to take what I had said and turn it into something to harm you. I didn't understand why these women began saying you were a homewrecker when it was common knowledge his wife had already left him. Instead of shutting those rumors down though, I made them worse, and in all honesty, it didn't stop me from creating new ones either."

(Y/N) felt the tears sting the corner of her eyes, begging to be freed from her, to relieve and soothe the pain she was enduring at the memories. They wanted to wash away the sadness. She loved her aunt, but the woman definitely caused a lot of hurt in her life. Even now, as she really did find herself fond of the Fire Lord, she couldn't help but hold back due to the idea that her aunt could spread rumors that would hurt her again. Instead of allowing her pain to show, she gulped down the tea, hoping that it would ease up some of the tension in her body. Once she finished she rested the cup on the bed and stared at her hands, waiting for her aunt to finish whatever she wanted to say.

"I hurt you when I accused you of having anything but a professional relationship with the Fire Lord. I know you're a strong woman who has had to battle many hardships in her life, especially when it comes to love and happiness, and I know I didn't make any of that easier on you even though I was supposed to. For that, I am genuinely sorry." Turning to the box next to her, she lifted the note out and handed it to (Y/N), "I think you should go." The woman whispered and (Y/N)'s head shot up to stare at her aunt. "He clearly cares for you, it's written in this note without even saying it outright. You've been even happier than normal these last couple of weeks whenever you wake up to go see him and when you come home after spending the day with him. I haven't seen that look since you first started your business and you shined at the opportunity to do something you loved. (Y/N) don't let this opportunity of love slip away, even if there is a risk of what people might say. Let them talk about you. As long as you're happy and you've got what you want, let them boil in their own gossip and rumors."

The sob escaped, and (Y/N) shoved her face into her aunt's neck, wrapping her arms around the older woman. Letting her niece cry it out, (Y/N)'s aunt rubbed her back reassuringly and held her tight.

"Thank you," (Y/N) whispered causing her aunt to smile and caress her hair as she pulled back.

"I love you, my dear," the woman smiled, and stood up quickly. "Now, we've got until sunset to get you dolled up and ready for this celebration. When you walk into that room, no one will be able to keep their eyes off of you, especially not that Fire Lord." Her aunt winked before pulling her up and dragging her out of the house toward the shopping district.

Just after sunset, (Y/N) was standing inside her house, dressed in her gown, with her hair curled and flowing around her face, only a small portion was pulled back into a proper bun with golden leaves pinned around it in a circle. She had gotten her makeup done, with golden and maroon hues to accent her dress, and simple gold sandals hidden underneath the dress for easy walking and dancing.

"You look like the queen of the Fire Nation," her aunt gushed as she finished tying the back of her dress. "The poor Fire Lord won't know what hit him when you arrive," she swooned as she came back around to give her niece a final once over. "The party has most likely already begun, so I suggest you get into the carriage now. It's better to arrive fashionably late where everyone will be able to get a good look at you in your grand entrance," she teased.

(Y/N) hugged her aunt and thanked her for everything. She was grateful the woman had talked her into attending the celebration and helped her prepare for it. Their embrace, though only lasting a few moments, seemed to help repair the crack that had been formed for years. When they released, (Y/N) smiled and made her way outside to the carriage they had requested for the evening. A palanquin would have been too expensive, but a carriage was nice, especially since it wasn't too breezy outside to ruin her hair.

After one final wave to her aunt, she was on her way to the Palace, both nervous and excited to see the Fire Lord again.

His eyes darted around, wondering if he'd be able to catch a look at a familiar face with beautiful (Y/E/C) eyes and long (Y/H/C) hair. While he knew that she didn't have to come, he had hoped he had possibly convinced her to with his gift and his note. Though he wanted to spew out in the letter that he didn't want another day to go by without seeing her face, he had to instead be smart about it, in case she didn't return the feelings that swelled within him.

Smiles and hopeful eyes surrounded him as he made his way through the brand new ballroom, filled with diplomats and various other important people that didn't really feel very important to him. Several women had already come up telling him he owed them a dance or two, to which he merely smiled and noncommittally nodded. There was only one person he wanted to dance with tonight and if she wasn't going to be there, he wouldn't step a foot onto that floor without her.

"Ah! Fire Lord Zuko!" A Fire Sage stepped into his path with a bow. "I've been meaning to introduce you to my daughter, Tora," the man gestured to the young woman beside him dressed in a long golden dress with her hair pulled into a tall ponytail. "She's been talking nonstop about this party and the ability to finally dance within the Fire Nation Palace." The Sage chuckled and shoved his daughter toward Zuko.

"It's an honor to meet you Tora," Zuko said, bowing with respect, watching as she flushed but not returning the motion. She giggled and rested her hand on his bicep, squeezing slightly.

"It's my honor, Fire Lord, my father has spoken nothing but good words about you since getting the opportunity to work with you after you took over from your father, shame he didn't turn out to be the man everyone thought he would be." Zuko tensed slightly. No, he turned out to be everything everyone wanted him to be, because the Fire Nation blindly followed his father due to the previous ideals his grandfather and great grandfather had set in their time.

"Yes," Zuko said, already losing interest in the conversation at her words, "it's quite a shame…" he mumbled, looking around to see if anyone could spare him. That's when he spotted a familiar face. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go check on the food for this evening," he rushed away, pulling his arm from her grasp in the process.

Striding up to his hero, Zuko pat his uncle on the back with a grateful smile. Iroh turned to look at him, his face full of roast duck that was being served on a stick.

"Nephew!" Iroh mumbled with his mouth packed, "this party is wonderful! The ballroom is beautiful." Zuko nodded his head, looking around at the glow of the lights from the chandeliers and the ornate imagery of dragons and fire painted into the ceiling. "Speaking of beauty, where is the wonderful creature behind this room? I assumed she'd be here to celebrate with you." The older man said with a wink. Zuko's face flushed for a moment before he took a piece of duck off of Iroh's skewer and shoved it into his own mouth, taking a second to come up with a proper reply to his uncle's very loaded question.

"I've invited her, but she implied that she didn't really like the idea of celebrating herself, she felt it unprofessional," his voice thick with sadness as he thought about her not wanting to be around him. Iroh patted his nephew's face and smiled.

"Don't count your losses yet," he said reassuringly, "she could still come." Zuko nodded his head, hopeful but still disappointed.

He wasn't sure how it happened so quickly. It felt like he went from loathing the idea of someone spending several weeks in his house, going over everything wrong with it, to counting the time until he'd be able to see her again after she had just left for the day. Their bond formed so quickly it didn't seem to be something solid for him to consider, but no matter how hard he tried to banish it from his mind, she just walked right back into his head, perfection and all, telling him that it wasn't that easy to get rid of her. He loved how strong she was but also that she cared so much about him and even his uncle in the small time they knew each other. She was fiery and passionate about her job and he wondered if that would translate the same into a relationship as well… a relationship with a certain head of the Fire Nation.

However, he was worried that he'd never be able to see her again. What if she didn't come tonight? He'd be stuck wondering what would have happened if she had. Would he admit to her his feelings? Would she have returned them? Would they have danced together? Kissed?

Zuko let out a deep sigh and removed himself from his head, turning his attention back on his uncle who seemed to be examining the table of food for something else to enjoy. Shaking his head with an amused grin, Zuko grabbed a slice of ash banana bread and popped it into his mouth, enjoying the warm, sweet taste.

"Sir," his advisor Shuro appeared next to him, "the council would like for you to have a quick word with them in the chambers, it appears there are some rumors of an attack on the Earth Kingdom by Fire Nation rebels," he whispered. Zuko groaned and nodded his head, gesturing for his advisor to lead the way, also grabbing Iroh by the arm and pulling him along.

He wanted this to be a no work event, where he could enjoy himself, his people could enjoy themselves and maybe, just maybe, he could spend the evening with someone he cared about.

As (Y/N) entered the ballroom, she couldn't help but notice several eyes land on her. Scrutinizing  faces from several women and lots of whispering began as she strode into the room, looking around for the Fire Lord himself. She knew she could spot him in a crowd of thousands, so when she didn't see him, she had to assume he wasn't there. Frowning, she made her way quickly to the food table to find something to distract her from the ache in her chest at the fact that he was most likely busy with someone else, whether that be a possible courtship or someone from the council. She picked up a single tea sandwich and nibbled on it, looking around the grand room at all the people. Some were dancing, which made her smile, others were swaying while they talked, a few were laughing and drinking heavily. It was a wonderful atmosphere filled with merriment and joy, something the Fire Nation had been without for the last one hundred years, of their own accord, of course.

Women were dressed in beautiful gowns some Fire Nation colored, others from various Nations like the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes, some even differing from the cultures and made up of glorious silks that were every color imaginable. She was definitely grateful for Zuko providing her with the dress, because anything she had remotely close to acceptable would have paled dramatically in comparison.

Munching on her sandwich, she watched as a man strode toward her with a smooth smile on his face. Her heart dropped knowing that this wasn't going to be good, he looked ready to hunt and she didn't feel like being the prey today.

"What's a beautiful woman like you doing over here by yourself?" He asked, flipping his head to the side and flashing a toothy smile at her. Internally groaning, she returned a curve of her lips that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm waiting for someone," she said politely.

"Obviously he's a fool for leaving you alone," the man sidled up to her, reaching behind her to grab a fig and attempting to seductively eat it while staring her in the eye. She let out an unamused giggle, it sounded more like a sigh than a laugh, and shook her head.

"He's just a busy man," she amended, but it didn't help. After finishing his fig, he grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him.

"Let's dance while you wait for him, though I'm not classically trained, I can hold my own," his grip on her fingers was tense but she managed to rip herself from his grasp and frown.

"I'll pass thank you," she replied harshly. Before he could say another word, she stormed away, attempting to look for any relief in sight. That's when she saw an escape and ducked for it, hoping no one noticed as she slipped down the stairs and out into the beautiful garden. The turtle ducks quacked happily in the glow of the moonlight that now lit up the whole garden.

She let out a breath she had apparently been holding in since her departure from the creepy man, and leaned against the large tree in relief. Tonight was not exactly going how she planned. While it may have been her imagination, she wanted to walk into the room, have everyone stop to look at her in awe, and then watch as the Fire Lord shoved his way through the crowed to pull her toward him in front of everyone and kiss her deeply.

Instead she had been scoffed at, hidden in a corner hoping that maybe she could find some peace in food, only to be rudely manhandled by some obviously drunken man who didn't understand she wasn't interested in him. She felt like a fool for thinking that tonight would be magical, like those tales her mother used to read to her when she was young.

Zuko was too busy for her, she should have expected that. He was the Fire Lord for crying out loud, why did she think he would drop everything for her? Maybe it was because he had during the redecoration… or maybe it's because she hoped that his feelings for her were somehow as strong as hers for him.

Again, she was just a fool though, thinking that the Lord of the Fire Nation would actually see anything in her other than a decorator. That's what she had wanted wasn't it? A professional relationship that didn't come with the backlash of rumors and heartache? Why did she feel so empty though at that thought? Why is it, instead of picturing Zuko as her client, she only saw him as her friend, and even potentially more? Why did she even come here tonight?

Zuko was finally free from his meeting, grateful they had found a solution for the possible Earth Kingdom attack. Now he was able to enjoy the night and freely walk around and mingle.

With his gaze once again darting around the room in hopes of seeing her, he realized he was disappointed that she seemed nowhere to be found. At the sight of the Fire Lord back within the party, several women rushed forward, begging him for their dance now. Zuko cringed outwardly and held up his hands assuring the women that he wasn't really the dancing type. He insisted that he needed a bit of air and politely circled around them to escape their yearning eyes.

The Fire Lord made his way to the garden, silently going down the steps, hoping no one had spotted him in his departure. He froze though, when his eyes landed on a familiar figure crouched down next to the pond, petting the turtle ducks with her finger.

"You came…" he breathed out relieved as he walked toward her. Her head turned to look at him and her face lit up. Standing tall, she watched as he strode up next to her, his face bright with a smile. "You…" he paused as his gaze finally examined her. "You look… good," he said awkwardly and then slammed his palm to his face, causing her to giggle.

"Thank you, it's a Fire Nation original," she teased, attempting to let him know she wasn't offended by his lack of words. "You look really nice too, but of course you always do in Fire Nation colors." His face burned at her compliment. Turning toward the party that still went on in the ballroom she smiled, "you sure know how to throw a party, Fire Lord Zuko, everyone really seems to be enjoying themselves."

"Are you?" He asked, curious as she was out here by herself. She looked back to him and nodded her head with the corner of her mouth turned up slightly.

"Yes, I just can't seem to keep myself away from this garden and these little darlings," the woman said, gesturing to the turtle ducks. "Have you gotten some time to relax and have a little fun?"

"Not really, but that's okay, I have a new bedroom I can use to unwind and relax in at night," he winked, finally gaining a bit of confidence to flirt with her. Another laugh escaped her and Zuko's heart swelled at the sound. "(Y/N), I'm really glad you came tonight. All day I dreaded the idea of having this party and not enjoying it with you." At his words, she blushed. "I also don't enjoy the fact that I won't be seeing you everyday anymore and I want to find a way to remedy that." Letting out a harsh laugh, (Y/N) shook her head.

"Trust me Fire Lord Zuko, you won't even remember me after a couple of weeks." Her insecurities rearing their evil head, attempting to shut down the fluttering in her chest.

"No, I'll remember you," he said, stepping toward her. Her eyes met his and he could see the fear within them. "I'd rather not risk that though and just see you as often as I can." His voice was low and husky.

"What would you have me do? Decorate something else? We did most of the Palace, everything I didn't touch was already perfectly fine."

"The Palace is perfect now, thanks to you, but I was thinking you might want to come and see me, not my Ballroom or my Throne room," he teased with a smirk, resting his hand on her cheek. "Maybe we could have lunches and dinners together, or take a trip somewhere, I'd like you to meet my friends and get to know them because I think they'd love you," he paused and took a deep breath, "like I'm beginning to." She sucked in a breath at his declaration. "I'd like the opportunity to spend every spare minute I have with you and laugh with you. I love your laugh so much (Y/N) it makes my entire day. I play it through my head all throughout my meetings, trying to remind myself of it until the next time I get to hear it," obviously a giggle escaped her lips at the sentiment causing a goofy smile to appear on the Fire Lord's face.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asked, sounding fearful, "I know we talked about it but what will people say when they see us together?" Shaking her head nervously she wasn't sure what to do, everything he said sounded wonderful but she didn't want him to make a mistake.

"I know what I want, I want what makes me happy, and that's you. Do I make you happy?" He asked, his voice determined.

"Yes more than anything." Her words left her lips in a whisper, "I couldn't believe I was falling in love with the Fire Lord until I woke up this morning and felt like someone had taken my heart out and left a hole in it, at the thought we wouldn't be together again."

Zuko grinned before moving his hand to take hers, and resting his other one on her waist. She smiled back at him, aware of what he was trying to do before placing her hand on his shoulder and allowing him to sway her around the grass. Their eyes never left each other's as they danced to the softened music behind them in the ballroom.

"I swore to myself that if I didn't get to dance with you tonight, I wasn't going to dance with anyone else," he replied with a chuckle, rubbing her back with his thumb as he guided her. "You're the only one I want to dance with… other than Aang, but that's a dragon thing," he joked and she laughed again.

He couldn't stop himself, at the sound of her laugh, he dipped his head forward and captured her lips with his, relieved when she reciprocated the action with fervor.

Their swaying stopped but their mouths didn't part as Zuko moved his hands to fully encase her hips and hers slid up to his neck where she pulled him closer, as if it were possible.

When they both separated for air, Zuko let out a smile, before pecking her on the lips once more with affection.

Standing on the platform with a bright grin on his face, Iroh watched as his nephew and (Y/N) returned to their dancing stance and swayed in contentment once more. He was grateful Zuko was finally able to enjoy himself and was happy that it was with someone as wonderful as she was. Behind him, Shuro popped up asking Iroh if he had seen the Fire Lord anywhere, Iroh shook his head and led the man away, ensuring that his nephew got some peace and love.

Master List

Tag List: @royahllty​ @mangoberry43​ @mrskeishasdead​ @taeeemin​ @blushbadger​ @shortmexicangirl​ @fire-lady-livi​ @jujugentle

[mochikeiji]

Rockabye, My Love

↠ Pairing: Akaashi Keiji x Reader

↠ Warning: slight fluff, soft father/daughter moments, angst. Trigger Warning: mentions of death, depression.

↬ Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Every lyrics had a deeper meaning in them than just words that'll fit a song. Yours was heavier than anyone could think of, and Akaashi was singing it to his beloved baby girl.

↣ a/n: ohayo world! I'm sorry for late posts, expect the upcoming ones soon. School was giving too much works again. Thank you all for loving my Day 2 fic in Akaashi Week!! Also, the lullaby in this lyrics is the same tune as Isabella's Lullaby from The Promised Neverland.

⇢ Day 3: Single Parent AU

"Love, don't you worry too much,

You're doing fine.

You are the most precious thing I have loved.

I will never allow the cruel world to take you— away nor hurt you any more.

I will sing you this song when the world, caves on.

You'll be fine, I will never leave you.

You are the most beautiful thing that has came.

I will protect you forever, my love."

Life is difficult in many ways. It's either we were born different, have lost someone dear or have lost ourselves. It's no wonder how millions of people from all around the world, evert second, minute, hour— someone gives up on everything. It was cruel, disturbing, most of all heart breaking.

Akaashi never understood your true intentions. He was one hundred percent sure he had kept an eye on you at all cost. He's made you smile brighter, he's understood you more than anyone. He made you feel alive.

Yet now you ended up being dead to your own inner demons.

He remembers coming home after receiving good news from his company. He had received a promotion and a week off just for you. That was when the hospital had contacted him. He can recall his ragged breathing when he was allowed to place a foot in your room. Your monitor beating in an ever agonizingly slow rhythm, he knew it wasn't normal and immediately ran to your side.

He wanted to yell, scream, ask you why, why did you do this to yourself but he couldn't, not when you looked at him so scared and weak. The doctors had told him that he had only a few minutes with his wife, the drugs you've intake was too much, not everything was removed nor pumped out of your system. Akaashi never felt so depressed in all his life after that situation as he buried himself into your chest, listening to your lullabies that soon died down along with the light in your eyes.

That was the only reminisces he's had with you,the lullaby you would sing to yourself as a teen who strived to survive the world, a lullaby for his anxieties and own demons to be tamed, and the last thing you ever said. He was happy that over the years before your death, you had given him a customized music box that had the right notes of your song, only this time no one was singing it.

Fingers tapping anxiously on his work table, Akaashi started to fiddle with his thumb and then his index, losing his focus despite looking at the same drafted page lit up on his computer screen. He kept eyeing the pack of cigarettes that was just on the edge of his window— he needed one right now. Cigarettes were the last options he has for when he couldn't calm his beating heart or let his emotions out. But he knows how wrong it was to be damaging his health, and he knows he's going to get an earful from Bokuto since he visits his apartment every weekend. Even if Akaashi tries to hide his dirty deeds, Bokuto wasn't stupid to read through his eyes like before.

Foot was starting to bounce, his eyebrows were beginning to furrow, as if he was irritated, in trouble, or something. It wss getting harder for him, who wouldn't after losing their wife? The person he's loved since his teen years, the one he's vowed to never make her feel like how she did in the past. He failed you. He blames himself for all that matter, if he's added more precautions, maybe you'd still be here.

He bites his lips and whimpers, hands ruffling through his tossled hair and holding his head as his elbows were supporting him on the table. Everything was closing in once more, the walls to his workspace became suffocating, how he wishes one of his friends or yours would come knocking at his door even though it was already 2:30 am knowing how reckless he's getting. He swore he wasn't going to die sooner as you did. He promised to himself to let you and his memories live on, because once he dies, no one will ever remember the battles you've fought for, the good things you've done to many, and the love you've shared with him throughout the years.

"It's so hard without you, love.."

Eyes finally cracking with tears behind his glasses, he lets them stream down his face with his body shaking on his chair. Soon enough he was bound to get another headache from extreme emotion and will probably lay the whole day about it. But none of that mattered to him anymore.

He just wanted you back.

But his cries weren't the only ones that can be heard in his apartment.

Jolting up to realization, he carelessly wipes away his tears with his sleeves and tumbles our of his chair straight to his room. His heart was beating fast in worry and adrenaline, he thought the source of the crying in his room had been taken away or worse.

But it turns out, it was just his little baby girl crying in lonliness.

As he got closer, her cries were getting deafening, but he didn't mind. Not when his heart was swooning with guilt when he thought of giving up and caving to his own needs when he's forgotten he has a reason to continue on.

With the night lamp on at the side of her crib and his bed, he cooes at the sobbing baby with sweet nothings to catch her attention. Th cries immediately died down and replaced with sniffles and the baby looking up hazily at the dark figure above her.

Smiling, Akaashi carefully picks her up from the crib to cradle her on his chest. Giving her small pats on her back with hush whispers when he feels her stretch on his body.

"Shhh, I'm sorry, were you lonely?"

Grabbing on the string of his lamp shade on the nightstand, he pulls the string, allowing more light to glow in his room, and for his little girl to finally see that she wasn't alone anymore. Akaashi swayed gently as he remained in eye contact with the baby, smiling ever so slightly at the unreadable expression his daughter was possessing and played with her fingers.

"Maybe I should work with you around, you never really like it in the dark, do you, baby?"

His little girl cooes at him, curious of what language he was speaking to her and hopes he understood what she was saying as well. Akaashi's heart swelled at the adorable sound and nuzzled his face softly on her stomach, the baby still confused as ever but just clenches her hands in wonder.

His anxieties and thoughts disappearing in the air whilst he sat down on his bed and held his baby near to where his hesrt was beating. The same day you died, was the same day you had given birth. It was a miracle for the baby to be healthy despite what you had intake. He remembers after your announced death, the nurses had to usher him out, but only to drag him into another room where lies a bassinet and a couple of IV's attached and treatments.

When he got closer, his world was shaken that day. The sight of you and his baby alive and now existing after 9 months of waiting was there right before his eyes. But his heart broke at the thought of him being the only one to raise her, and her not having to meet her beloved mother. He was so emotional that day that he almost lost it when he realizes why she was kept in there and why there were so much stuff in this room. He didn't want to think thag he was losing another one when he had just met her.

The nurses explained that there was nothing wrong with the baby, just taking further check ups and to ensure she was absolutely healthy. He was already been forced outside your room that no longer held light, he wasn't going to leave the room where his daughter was until he holds her in his arms where he knows she'll be at the safest.

As time went by to now, Akaashi feared her growing up in the future. She resembled mostly to you. She was a dead carbon copy of you and he was terrified she'd experience what you have as history might repeat itself. The very thought of his daughter having something inside her little head without telling him scares him, Akaashi knew how cruel the world can be and hoe each second in life matters because we are unaware of the deaths happening at those time.

He prayed his baby girl wouldn't go through what you did as a child and carry it until she grows up. He hopes and believed in his own strength that he wasn't going to fail her this time— that there will be no person by her side and will lovd and protect her other than her daddy.

His tears blocking his vision of her as he held her tightly. He whimpers at remembering his thoughts earlier. He wanted to curse himself from thinking of leaving his daughter to fend for herself in this world and to find a way to be back to you. But he knows he was still with you, your daughter was the last love you could ever give him and he was going to love her more than anything.

The trembling of his body stops when his baby started to cry and squirm in his hold. Her whimpers breaking his heart when he couldn't solve her distress, it seemed like she was in pain and he knew this situation like in the past.

"Shh, shh, I'm here. I'm always here. I'm sorry."

Reciting out the same line he's used when he held you against his body that night. You cried and held a hand to your heart that day as he hugged you tighter. The demons inside you he had curse to go away and leave you alone. But they didn't.

An idea popped in his head and reached out inside his nightstand drawer. The little music box you have crafted for him still looked the same as it was before since it was taken with good care. He proceeded to wind it gently to let the soft tune play as he stood up once more to cradle his crying baby.

"Love, don't you worry too much,

You're doing fine."

He sings the first verse of the long memorized lullaby you sang for him. Using his thumb to wipe away the little tears that had escaped his daughters eyes. Her cries were stopped momentarily and were replaced by sniffles. Her dazed eyes making eye contact with her father's.

"You are the most precious thing I have loved."

Akaashi would be cringing thinking his voice was terrible, but the little girl in his arms seemed to be intrigued and loving the harmonized voice of her daddy and an unknown tune from the background.

His voice was smooth and soft. Completely out of character from his monotone one, but enough to capture the attention of someone.

"I will never allow the cruel world to take you— away nor hurt you any more."

He couldn't tell if he was singing the lullaby to her or he was making a silent vow to her. The lullaby you sang to him for the first time he tried searching for in the internet what the lyrics meant and who wrote it. Sadly, there were no results that came up that day.

And you never really told him how you got that song and who it was referring to in the lyrics.

But nevertheless, the lyrics could never be at the right time as it was now. It felt like he was reminding himself of what his role was from now on and what his daughter should always remember as she grows up.

No one was going to hurt her on her watch.

"I will sing you this song when the world, caves on.

You'll be fine, I will never leave you."

At the end of that line his voice cracks as he held back his own tears. He can hear only now your voice and hoe you would thread his hair during nights of distress. How he missed so many cracks of your voice from being too intrigued with the song. How he missed the fact that you needed him the most those nights of terror, yet you chose to make him feel secure and loved without leaving anything for yourself.

Slowly, his mind was connecting all the lyrics and your actions in his head. You were a self reliant person.

You sang this song in reminder that you were loved, beautiful and was protected by the few people that truly loved you. This song was meant to keep you alive.

To keep him going.

And now

It was a vow from him to his daughter.

"You are the most beautiful thing that has came."

Smiling sadly down to his baby now calmed down and listening intently to her daddy, Akaashi leans down to press kisses on her face with his tears sliding down.

He should've sang this to you when you needed it the most. A reminder of what you truly were to him. He hopes deep inside, somewhere up there or in his room you were listening. Listening to him remind you and his daughter— his world and universe, that he was going to be stronger and fulfill his own promises.

One day he was going to meet you in another life he believed, where he'd make you stay, where you and him will raise your little girl once again and he'll wake up next to you. Where he'll be the one singing this lullaby tune as he hold you both in his arms.

But for now, it was just going to be him and his baby girl.

"I will, protect you. Forever, my love."

[stevesnailbat]

i shouldn’t be feeling this, but it’s too hard to resist | robin buckley

summary: Y/N is falling for someone, but it’s not someone they planned to fall for.

warnings: mutual pining, slightest mentions of homophobia

word count: 1.9K

a/n: this fic is loosely based off girls by girl in red!! i feel like the song just fits robin so perfectly, so here’s my take on it! i’m changing my writing style to be more inclusive also, so the perspective is different on this one! the gif used above is by @harringtown once again!!!

You knew you shouldn’t have said yes to it. But there you were, sitting on the edge of Robin Buckley’s bed, chewing on your lip nervously as you waited for her to come back into the room.

You and Robin were meant to be nothing more than coworkers at Family Video, maybe acquaintances at most. You had planned on it staying that way, and on keeping your distance. But, there was always just something special about Robin. There was something about Robin's smile that was so convincing, so inviting, so beautiful. There was something that kept pulling you back in for more. 

Just friends, you told yourself, nothing more. You didn’t want it to progress into anything more—it couldn’t possibly progress into anything more, not if you wanted to save yourself from the judgement that would most likely ensue.

When the door opened once more, you had to look away, avoiding eye contact with her. You could feel her eyes on you as she walked in with the widest grin, plopping down on the bed next to where you were perched. She sat a bowl of popcorn down on the bed along with a movie and a few boxes of candy after sitting down.

“I snuck a copy of Carrie from the store, I remembered you said you liked that one.” Robin said as she leaned down to rifle through some things under her bed. “Do you want to drink? I bought some wine because I thought it’d be fun to, y’know, let loose for once.”

“Oh—uh—yeah!” you reply with a nervous smile, only making eye contact with her for a fraction of a second. “I’ll take some.”

She smiled over at you again as she pulled the bottle and corkscrew from under the bed, working to open it as soon as she took it out. You cursed yourself for how awkward you were making the situation, but it was unavoidable. Every time you looked at her you felt like your heart was going to explode, so you avoided it at all costs. You knew it was wrong, what you were feeling about her. It felt so wrong that it made the pit of your stomach turn in knots and your heart ache. The feeling wasn’t going away any time soon, though. 

Robin could tell something was up from the moment you walked into the house, truthfully. In the past four months of working with you, she’d developed a theory that you just flat out didn’t like her, so she wanted that to change. There were shifts where you would ignore her completely, and others where you’d only give her a sympathetic smile when she’d talk to you. 

She didn’t know what she did, but Robin wanted to get to the bottom of it. She had randomly sprung the idea of hanging out on you in the middle of a shift with her and Steve, you couldn’t say no to her. When you said yes, she was downright thrilled to actually get to know you after working quietly alongside you for this long. 

You couldn’t help but stare at her as she worked the corkscrew into the bottle, taking in every little detail of her face for the first time. You couldn’t bring yourself tear your gaze away as she continued, eyes wandering as she tugged her lip between her teeth. It was impossible to not think about how soft her lips looked, and how perfect she looked altogether. If someone could read your mind, they might think you were just jealous of the girl. But, truly, the feeling was something much more than jealousy. It was something along the lines of a feeling of longing and desire.

“Finally!” Robin proclaimed, setting the cork on the bed beside her as you broke from your daze. “Here, you can have the first drink and get comfortable while I get the movie set up.”

You nodded and smiled at her, but suddenly lost all desire to drink the alcohol in your hands. There was already a feeling of intoxication building inside of you, built on being around Robin alone. Just looking at her was enough to make you feel a little drunk. Her beauty was overwhelming to you, almost painful to think about in a way. Slowly, you had come to terms with the fact that what you were feeling wasn’t temporary, that what you were feeling—despite how wrong it felt—was there to stay. 

“You alright?” she asked when she turned around to see you still sitting on the edge of the bed, frozen with the untouched bottle still in your hand.

“Yeah—yeah, sorry. I’m fine.” you lied, forcing a smile onto your lips as your heart pounded against your ribs.

“You don't seem fine.” Robin pointed out, setting the movie on top of the VCR as she furrowed her brows in concern. “What’s up?” 

“It’s really nothing, I—I guess I’m just tired, that’s all.” you lied, hoping she wouldn’t see through the thinly-veiled lie you were telling. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be boring and fall asleep as soon as I get here."

“It’s okay!” she said quickly, moving away from the TV to sit next to you on the bed again. “We can just hang out and talk instead, if you want, of course.”

“Yeah, that’s fine!” you stammered abruptly, looking at the bowl of popcorn next to you to avoid her gaze again. 

“Are you going to homecoming next weekend?” she asked, moving around on the bed to face you once more as she broke the odd silence. 

“Yeah, I’m supposed to.” you laughed bitterly, rolling your eyes at the thought of it.

“You don't seem too thrilled about that. Do you not have a date or something?” she implored, reaching her hand out to take the bottle from your hands. “Or do you have a date and just not like them?”

“Yeah—Yeah, that one.” you said, cringing about it once more. “I’m supposed to go with my brother’s friend from the football team but I’m not interested at all. He’s—He’s just not—“

“He’s just a typical jock who’s boring and doesn’t want to have any real fun?” Robin interjected, eyebrows quirking up as a smile grew on her lips.

He’s not you, Robin Buckley. He’s not the girl with perfect skin and pretty blue eyes that looks fucking perfect in a flannel. He’s not the one who makes you want to scream into a pillow about what you were feeling. That’s what you wanted to say. You wanted to grab her by the shoulders and tell her that you really, really wanted to go with her, but you knew you couldn’t. What would your family say? What would everyone at school say? And most importantly, what would Robin even say if you told her?

“Yeah, I guess that’s probably what it is.” you sighed, shrugging your shoulders to brush it off in the most casual way possible. “I don’t want to act like I like the kid for a whole night, it feels like such a stupid waste of my time.”

“Well, don’t go with him then.” she suggested simply, watching as you tilt your head at her straightforward proposal. “Is there someone else that you actually want to go with?”

“Yeah—I mean, I don’t—I don't know.” you stuttered, a blush settling onto your cheeks as the words slipped from your lips.

“I heard you say yes at first, you can’t take that back!” she said, her eyes lighting up with amusement. “Who is it? Is it that one kid who comes into the store all the time?”

“God no! That kid isn’t in there to flirt, I think he actually just watches a different movie every damn night.” you giggled shyly, heart skipping a beat at the sound of Robin laughing with you. 

“Well, who is it then?” Robin asked again, shoving her hand into the bowl of popcorn as if she was watching some interesting movie. “Actually, just tell me about them. You don’t have to name any names, just tell me why you like them. Is that easier?”

“Yeah, that works.” you sighed, chewing on your lip as you finally looked over to her. “I don’t really know where to start, I guess. They’re really like, one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. Obviously we’ve went to school together for a while, but I really have grown to like them a lot—like a lot—in the last few months. And—And I feel like shit for pushing them away for so long, but I just can’t bring myself to fully face how I feel.”

Robin continued to listen intently as you spoke, but was catching on rather quickly. She was shocked, to say the least. She never would’ve known that you felt this way, and would’ve done something about it a lot sooner if she had. There was a twisted feeling in your gut as you spoke, looking to Robin to see the waves of realization hitting her all at once. 

“Why don’t—or didn’t—you want them to know?” Robin questioned, tearing her gaze away from yours to stare at her hands. 

“Because I’m afraid of how they feel about me, and of what other people will say if I try to be with them.” you said softly, heart sinking as Robin’s smile faded into a focused frown. 

“Yeah, I was scared too.” she replied, making your eyes go wide in shock for a moment. “I still am, I guess. I just have people who I know will actually support me, instead of ones who would disown me.”

“You—You’re—”

“Yeah, I am.” Robin laughed softly, a bittersweet smile on her lips. “I’m not very good at this whole thing yet. Which is obvious, considering I didn’t realize you might actually like me until just now.”

“Might like you?” you laughed, making her look up at you with a hope-filled gaze. “I really like you, Robin.”

“Well good.” she sighed, inching closer to you as she spoke. “Because I’m tired of shoving my feelings away every time I see you.”

You smiled, looking away for a moment as butterflies filled your gut. There was a feeling of relief in the air that was quickly replacing the dread and doubt that had filled the room minutes before. Robin reached to put her hand on top of yours, making your heart flutter for a quick moment. Her free hand hooked under your chin, pulling your gaze back to hers as she smiled at you longingly.

“I’m glad you could finally talk to me about this.” she admitted, her thumb rubbing along your cheek gently. “And I’m glad we could both get this off our chests.”

“Yeah, me too.” you replied with a nervous smile. “And since we’re on the subject, there’s something else I’ve been wanting to get off my chest for a while.”

Robin knew exactly what you were doing as she saw your eyes flicker towards her lips, but the feeling still made her heart race. You both had wanted this to happen for a while, and it was finally happening. You cupped her cheek and pulled her into the kiss, keeping it short and sweet. Her lips were just as wonderful and sweet as you had expected, and that thrilled you. 

“Do you wanna watch the movie now?” you teased, brushing a strand of her behind her ear. 

“I think the movie can wait, because I wanna do that again.” she laughed, pulling you back in for another sweet kiss.

tags (join here!) : @sourapplebaby @harringtown @jxnehxpper @charmed-asylum @heart-eye-harrington @daddystevee @a-magey @lemonypink @igotmadskills @ilovebucketbarnes @simplesammyx @willowrose99

[freerebelmentality]

The high cost of living

AN:  ***TRIGGER WARNING*** MENTIONS OF DRUG USE AND OVERDOSE. **  Ok may I request a Winchester brothers x sister reader where the reader is depressed harms themselves and feels like she not good enough and is a drug addict like does weed and other drugs drinks to relieve her pain and her brothers found out and are not happy it and the reader just not having it and doesn’t want help and can’t handle being lectured about her brothers so she runs away and overdoses and her brothers find her but in the end her brothers help her in recovery and it fluffy in the end And can the reader age around 16-19 is up too you i hope this is ok for u if not I can change it. Requested by @supernerdycookietrashblr ** I took out the self harm and just stuck with the rest of the request. Sorry if this got way too long but I got carried away and I just really enjoyed writing this. Ideas came and wrote those down. So I hope you all will enjoy this and enjoy reading

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Word Count: 2,762

On the road again, you thought while sitting in the back of the Impala.

Looking out the window, seeing the trees pass by at great speed is when you begin to feel sick.

“Dean, Dean. Pull over, Im going to be sick” you say rather quickly

With one quick stop, Dean pulls over to the side of the road and puts baby in park

“Geez, are you ok? You want some water? Mint? Mouth wash?” Sam asks as he rushes to your side.

“Mouth wash?” you reply while Sam runs back to the car and searches his bag for his mouth wash.

“Feeling a little hungover? Or just sick, sick?” Dean asks as he comes check on you as well

“A little hungover” you lie to Dean while Dean goes back to the car and reaches for a beer.

He decides something a little stronger than beer.

He pulls out his flask and walks back to your side.

Sam notices how incredibly sickly looking you’ve become and begins to worry that you are coming down with something.

You knew you were coming down from your latest high, well more like from you latest fix and you needed another. Fast.

Dean hands you the flask and you greatly take it from his hands and drink the entire thing. The whisky made things a little more tolerable.

“Thanks man, I needed that” you tell him and walk slowly back to the car.

Dean and Sam looked to you and noticed how you were walking. Like as if you were in pain and cold. The weather was warm and a beautiful day really.

“Are you sure youre feeling ok?” Dean asks as soon as he gets into the car

“Yes, step on the gas. I wanna go home already” you irritatingly reply back.

Dean didnt like that, so he did what he was told and stepped on the gas to head back to the bunker.

Finally arriving.

You get out of the car as fast as you could and into the bunker. You ran all the way to your room and found your stash hidden in your room.

You felt as though you werent moving fast enough but you made it to your room.

Dean and Sam looked at you oddly as you ran fast into the bunker.

“What the hell is wrong with her?” Dean asks as he takes the stuff from the car and into the bunker.

“Maybe she needs the bathroom again” Sam replies following Dean.

“Hmm’ is all Dean says and goes to his room to put his things away.

Once you got the needle ready, you sat on the toilet and poked the needle into your favourite vain. You pulled back the syringe to draw blood is when you injected the stuff. Slowly

Once the stuff reached your body is when you started to forget about everything else. Your withdrawals, depression, everything. Numbing out everything perfectly.

Or so you thought.

You came out of your room to look for your brothers to hang out with or just to get them to stay away from your room anyway.

“Are you feeling a lot better?” Dean asks while turning away from his cooking

“Yes, I feel a lot better” you reply way to happy but oh well you replied anyway

“Ok then” Sam says while he adds more notes to the folders in front of him

He has been adding the men of letters archives, well the both of them have been doing that and they thought you were doing the same but you dont remember a thing from your last hunt.

All you thought about was how to get your next fix or even next high. Weed wasnt cutting it anymore ever since getting into the opiates.

Stupid for getting into those. Oh well choices were made and it makes the feelings go away.

As the days go by which weeks go by as well. Dean and Sam begin to notice how incredibly bad you got while hunting, sick, and more sicker.

After the sickness, you would be at your normal self and be the great hunter they knew you to be. But when the sickness came, it was as if they didnt know who you were. Didnt look like you or anything.

“Let me know when she goes out, ok?” Dean asks Sam as he watches you walk to your room

“Uh, ok. Why?” Sam asks not really sure if he wants to know the answer but he is curious to see what Dean is up to.

“I want to look through her room, I want to see if Im right about something. If not then I am going to feel like a complete dick about it later” Dean explains himself as he looks towards the hall.

“Right about what?” Sam asks looking out for you as well

He hears you coming out of your room and walk the hallway and waits for you to appear.

“Hey guys, Im going to head out for a bit and I will be home in an hour or something” you tell them and head out the door.

You didnt give them any time to say anything cause you needed to head out and look for the number one thing you have been needing. You needed your next high. You needed it bad.

“Ok, go” Sam says to Dean as he books it to your room

“What exactly are we looking for?” Sam asks as he digs through your stuf

“Needles or drugs” Dean replies as he sees a box in the bottom of the sink in your bathroom

Dean hoped it wouldn’t be the things he is looking for. Other wise all of you weird behaviour he has noticed for the past couple years would be more understandable now.

He has seen this type of addiction before in fellow hunter friends, their addiction to opiates and how they passed to overdosing.

He opens the box and sees his worst nightmare

“Sam” is all Dean could say and drops the box

Sam rushes to Dean’s side and sees what has fallen to the floor.

All the used needles, cotton balls and spoons. Along with the rubber bands. He also sees the unopened rigs.

“No” Is all Sam can say

He doesnt understand why you would want to inject anything into yourself with poison.

They get out of your roomand wait for you to come back to the bunker.

Dean has a few words for you.

Sam has a few questions for you.

They couldnt believe their baby sister would turn to drugs

Dean is beginning to understand the border line alcoholism but he always thought it was just something to help you sleep. He didnt think it was something to settle the withdrawals.

The next morning, Dean and Sam are still seated in the library waiting for you to walk through the doors. None of them moved from their seats, they stayed seated like that and waited for you. Dean was to heated to even move from his seat.

His anger turned to worry when you never showed. Until now, his nerves settled and now all he wants to do is hug you and lock you away. But he needed to say a few things first before he can do that.

As you come walking down the stairs and see your brothers in the library looking at you all tired looking. You were about to say something when you see a familiar box. Your heart begins to race.

“Morning guys, sorry I didnt come home last night and sorry I didnt call or anything” you say to break the ice but knew you should have said nothing and should have went straight to your room

“Y/n? What the hell is this crap?” Dean asks opening the box and pushing it towards you.

Your heart begins to beat rapidly because your brother has found your dirty secret. Your life long dirty secret.

“You went through my room?” you ask not even going to lie about the box they found.

What was the whole point in lying? They found it, they figured it out and you werent going to lie about it.

It was as if you secretly hoped they would find it, maybe them finding it would finally get you to stop and go to treatment.

“Of course we went through your room. We wanted to know what was making you feel so crappy and during hunts” Sam says next, he finally finds his voice.

“You found my dirty secret. Now what?” you ask as anger begins to form.

“Why? How long? This needs to stop now” Dean replies sternly, he didnt want to get too angry. Otherwise he would have ruined the whole plan he had.

“Or else what?” What are you going to do if I dont stop?”  you ask while looking to both of your brothers

They both went quiet, they didnt want to give any ultimatums cause they feared you would pick the poison over them and they knew you are going to pick that over them.

They wondered what they did wrong to make you turn to something else to numb out everything.

Sure Dean hasnt been the poster boy about opening up his feelings about anything and he feels he should have done that with you. At least.

Sam should have pestered you more about opening up. How he does with Dean, he should have done the same for you. He didnt and he feels ashamed.

“You know, I’ll make things easier for you” you break the silence and walk down the hall and into your room

“What do you mean make things easier for us?” Sam asks as he follows you down the hall

“Where the hell do you think your going?” Dean asks next following behind Sam

You grabbed what you could and what you thought was clean. At least it was warm clothing anything, it was beginning to get a bit nippy out there.

“Im leaving. That way I wont be such a burden to either of you anymore” you reply while walking back down the hall and up the round stairs

“Y/n, no. Stay here and we will help you” Sam pleads with you as he follows

“Y/N!! Stop” Dean raises his voice

“You arent a burden. Stay, so we can figure out how to help you and let us help you” Sam continues as he looks to you.

You are at the top of the stairs and finally with one final thought. You turned the door knob and walked out.

Dean runs up the stairs and tries to block you from going any where but he is too late. He ran out the door and you were gone. He yells for your name, looks around and continues to yell for you.

Nothing, it was as if you disappeared into thin air and he wondered where you went or what direction you took.

“Son of a bitch” Dean says as he looks around with both of hands behind his head.

Tears fill his eyes as a lone tear streams down his face. He falls to his knees, feeling defeated he let this happen. Defeated he let anything go this far and didnt notice anything to begin with.

Sam comes running to him and looks around as well.

“Sam, shes gone. I couldnt catch up to her. I let her go” Dean tries to keep his emotions together. But he releases a sob

“We’ll find her, someone has to see her and security cameras are every where and one of those ust of caught her” Sam says as he helps Dean to his feet.

Months went by, Dean and Sam never stopped searching for you. Drove from town to town, Dean always tracked better when he was on the road. But his leads always went cold. You knew better to go off track cause you knew he would track you.

Finally Dean’s phone begins to ring. He takes out his phone so fast and answered it like his life depended on it. In a way it did.

Dean talks on the phone for a long period of time and Sam is getting anxious. He doesnt what is going on or who is calling.

Finally Dean gets off the phone.

“Well who was that? What did they say? Say anything about y/n?” Sam asks way too quickly

Dean couldnt understand a word he said, all due to the phone call he just got and that shocked him more.

“That was Y/n’s doctor. She was admitted yesterday and he told me that they saved her from an overdose. That its their third time saving her from the overdose. Why they never called the first couple times was because she didnt list any family members as emergency contacts. Sam we got to go. We got to get our baby sister” Dean finally says and begins running to his room to begin packing.

Sam couldnt believe those words came out of Dean’s mouth. More like he couldnt believe you wouldnt add him or Dean as your emergency contact to begin with. Until now.

They drove for hours and hours.

As they stand at your door, they see you laying on your hospital bed, IV in one hand while the nasal cannula is inserted.

Your attention is brought to the door and you couldnt believe your brothers are standing right in front of you.

“Hi” you break the silence as the greeting came out a little raspy and small

Your brothers came further into the room.

Dean is the first one who hugs you.

“Hi, I missed you” as a tear streams down his face

He hold yous a little longer, feeling as though he is going to wake up and realize its all a dream and have to wake up to a bunker without you in it.

“I missed you so much” he says as he holds onto you a little longer and tighter.

He feels as though you were going to dissolve away if he let you go. Again

“What the hell happened?” he asks taking a seat by your bed side

“I chased and ended up here” you simply answer your brother.

Well you felt ashamed by answering him

“Your face” is all Dean could say

He sees the bruises on your face, the dark circles around your eyes and how sunken in your face is. He is thinking as if he is looking at your skull.

“Ooh, I owe money to my dealer and he made an example out of my face. A few times. So to medicate, I chased the high so much, that I practically chased myself in here” you reply to your brother and look around the room

“The only way for us to get you out of here is you go to treatment and get help. Dean and I were talking along the way and thats our ultimatums” Sam says while Dean looks to him in annoyance

Dean wanted some time with you before he sent you to treatment.

“Ok, ok. I will get the help. I will go to treatment, I wanna come home” you tell them as you begin to cry.

Sam is happy and hugs you. Tears stream down his face as a sigh of relief escapes his mouth

“Thats what I want, for you to come home and go get help. We want to be there for you. We love you” Dean says as he hugs you.

He felt relieved he heard those words coming out of your mouth, as if all of his stress has been removed and now he can finally settle his nerves. Kind of.

For them it was an eternity. Dean felt as though he was in hell all over again but this time felt longer.

Sam felt like he was in the cage all over again in trying to look for you. Or he felt as though he didnt have a soul. Having you around was better and you are Sam’s other half just like Dean is his other half.

When all three of you are together, its as though everyone feels complete but when separated, thats when everything crumbles.

You felt like you are getting your family back, after being away from your brothers for so long. Well more like after running from your problems and creating more. You really felt like you are getting them back and earning their trust.

You and your brother hunted like a family again. Better than ever.

[jamielea81]

When We Were Young

Chapter 6

Description: Leaving the only home your daughter had ever known wasn’t part of the grand plan. But then again, sometimes taking chances can change your whole life. And you should know that, you’ve been doing that since the start.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Cursing maybe. Over use of the word goodnight. Fluff. Alcohol consumption.

Word Count: 3,926

A/N:  I’m sorry this took so long! I’ve been battling major writer’s block. This chapter is a little long than the normal word count I post with this series, so I hope you all enjoy. As always, this is strictly for fun and I mean no harm to this actor. Please let me know your thoughts as I love to read them. Likes and reblogs give me life.

*Italics are internal thoughts*

Catch up with Chapter 5

**

“Great job, Carmen!” you yelled then immediately cringed at the volume of your voice.

In your defense, a bowling alley on a Saturday afternoon was not a quiet place. All lanes were in use and frankly it was hard to hear yourself think. Carmen gave you a friendly wave before taking a seat next to Ellie.

You were supervising six fifteen and sixteen-year-old kids as part of Ellie’s sixteenth birthday. This was technically celebration two of three. Being that her actual birthday was on a school night, just the two of you went out for crab legs and root beer floats. Her pick which you were perfectly fine with being that you loved seafood. Root beer floats were an afterthought as the two of you window shopped down the busy street from the restaurant. Cookies strategically placed in a window display drew you in, but ice cream sounded better. When Ellie ordered a float, you followed suit. This afternoon she wanted to go bowling with her friends followed by pizza at your place. It had taken a good hour picking up the five other kids in your trusty Cherokee, but you didn’t mind.

“Mom, are you sure you don’t want to play?”

“Nah. You kids have fun.” You stood, reaching for your purse resting on the empty seat next to you and looped it on your shoulder. “Do you guys want something to drink? I can grab a pitcher of Coke or Sprite.”

“Could we get both? Please mom,” Ellie asked.

“You got it,” you said with a smile before turning away.

They were old enough to bowl by themselves, so you really just wanted to give them some space. None of her group of friends drove yet, so rather than having everyone get dropped off, you volunteered to pick up. Ellie insisted that you stay rather than driving home just to turn around to come get them. According to Ellie, you had been dubbed the “cool” mom. You weren’t quite sure what you did to deserve that title. Sure, you were always willing to drive one of her friends home and you always had snacks at your house, but none of that made you feel cool.

Most of the kids you knew except for Aaron. You heard Ellie mention his name a time or two and heard her on the phone with Carmen mentioning his name again. Your sneaking suspicion was that she had a crush on him. He was a polite kid that was a bit on the tall side and a little lanky. Ellie had never approached the subject of dating with you, but if she wanted to do it in a group setting, you were more than fine with that. She was sixteen now, so even if she wanted to do a non-group date, you probably wouldn’t fight her on it.

As odd and surreal as it was, Chris was currently at your house setting up the bonus room for Ellie. You had caved and decided to make the first floor of your row home a bonus space for her. When you discussed it with Chris, he had asked to split the cost with you. It threw you for a minute, but he argued that he wanted to give her something for her birthday and didn’t know what to buy her. He threatened to buy her a car when you initially told him no, so you agreed to split the cost of the room. Chris had recently purchased a new couch for his home, so he was giving you his old one. The large space was also getting a table and four chairs for school work and craft projects with friends. A flat screen tv was being mounted to the wall and a couple of bean bag chairs were being added to the space. You’d let Ellie pick out some knickknacks and framed art to finish out the space the next time you two went shopping.

Things had gotten better after your heated conversation with Chris. He felt bad and the poor guy wore his heart of his sleeve. He was beyond sweet and timid with you the two times he was over at your place after that day. You actual had to pull him into the kitchen with you and tell him to knock it off. You were fine. The two of you were fine. Families could be difficult and you knew that from experience. It was over as far as you were concerned and you just wanted to move forward. Chris had started to reach out to you more by texting every few days to see how you were or send you a meme or two. It was nice. You couldn’t argue with that.

**

Chris had made himself scarce by the time you brought the kids back to your place. Only Chris’ family and Gwen knew about your family situation so he couldn’t just be hanging at your house when you arrived home with a group of teenagers.

“Oh, my goodness! Mom! This is amazing!” Ellie exclaimed once she stepped through the door. “How?” she asked, throwing her arms around your middle.

“Happy birthday baby girl,” you whispered into her hair. “Chris and I did it.”

She pulled her face back, wide eyed. “Chris did this too?” she whispered.

You nodded your head yes. “It’s our birthday gift to you. We’ll go shopping next week so you can decorate the space a bit. Sound good?”

“Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she cheered pulling from your embrace and stepping into the room.

“I’ll order the pizzas,” you shouted as you walked up the stairs.

You sent Chris a quick text letting him know that Ellington loved her new hangout spot and was currently entertaining her friends in there.

Chris: Glad to hear that sweetheart

Whoa. That’s new.

You hummed to yourself before quickly exciting your text thread to order pizza. Once that was taken care of, you poured yourself a glass of wine and waited for the pizzas to arrive. Gwen had sent you a string of texts confirming that she had her flight booked for her trip in July. She was staying with you for a week and wanted to do all the touristy stuff. That was fine with you because you hadn’t gotten around to doing that yourself.

Your phone rang and you quickly clicked the accept button without paying much attention.

“Dude, yes, we’ll do the freaking tea party thing.”

You heard a chuckle that most certainly did not come from Gwen’s mouth.

“When do you want to do the tea party thing?”

It was Chris. Of course, it wouldn’t be the friend that had been non stop texting you for the last twenty minutes.

“H-hey! H-hi Chris,” you said, promptly clearing your throat. “What’s up?”

He chuckled again. “I’m trying to figure out what tea party you’re talking about.”

“Oh! Oh, I was just making plans with my best friend for when she comes to visit in July. I thought you were her calling.”

“Well, that still doesn’t answer my question. A tea party?”

“You know. The famous one. She wants to see all the Boston things.”

He chuckled again and if you were being honest, you really liked the sound of that.

“Ahhh. That one. Of course,” he said and you could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah,” you drawled out. “So, what’s up?”

“I was just calling to ask that you call me when the kids are gone for the night.”

Your heart rate picked up. You could feel it thumping wildly in your chest.

“Call you?”

“Yeah,” he answered lamely. “I want to help clean up.”

Oh. That.

“Plus, I still have your spare key, so I want to return that,” he added.

“Ye-yeah. Sure. You don’t have to clean up though. It’s just pizza and cupcakes.”

“We’ll see...Give me a call or shoot me a text and I’ll stop by.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later then,” you said softly

“Bye Y/N.”

“Bye Chris.”

**

Ellington was gone for the night as she was sleeping over at Carmen’s house. The other kids had been picked up by another parent shortly before. The house was in relatively good shape considering you had six teenagers over for the better part of four hours. You had failed to pick up paper plates and cups, so you had dishes to do in addition to a table that needed to be wiped down as well as a floor to be swept. Chris was on his way over and he made it abundantly clear that you were not to start cleanup and until he got there. He was really trying to do his part as a parent. Or whatever he was. It was still too new and your mind hadn’t fully figured it out yet.

Not wanting to smell the pizza any longer, you took the three boxes outside and stuck them in the trash can just as Chris’ headlights hit you. Rather than dashing inside and looking like a weirdo, you stayed put and waited for him to exit his SUV.

“You don’t listen, do you?” he said, warning tone in his voice as he reached you.

“I couldn’t take the pizza smell anymore. I’m pizzaed out.”

“Likely story,” he teased. “And pizza? Thought she wasn’t a fan of cheese.”

“Only in some circumstances. Unique kid, remember?”

Chris hummed at that, following you into the house. “What’s the damage?”

“Surprisingly not bad. I think the older they get, the less of a mess they make,” you answered, as the two of you surveyed the room. “Plus, I think the fact that there were only two boys-”

“There were boys here?” Chris asked, cutting you off.

“Yes, Christopher. Ellie has boys who are friends. Although, I do think she likes one a little more than a friend.”

“Isn’t she a little young for that?” he asked.

“She’s sixteen! I’m surprised she hasn’t had a boyfriend that I at least know of, sooner,” you replied, carrying the six plates up the stairs to the kitchen. Chris was behind you, with the glasses stacked into two piles.

“Yeah, but, still.”

You chuckled at his response shaking your head.

**

Chris was currently lounging on your couch with a beer in his hand. You rarely drank it, but with him over at least once a week, you started to pick up a six pack every other week to have some on hand. Wine was more of your forte, although you weren’t particular about it. Ten dollar bottle, thirty dollar bottle, it was all the same to you.

“How old were you when you first had a boyfriend?”

“Hmm. That’s tough. I mean when I was a kid, like ten or eleven, I had what I thought was a boyfriend at the time, but of course that was like for a day or two and then you forget about that kid,” you laughed softly. “But dating was different for me. My parents had very particular standards, so I really only dated the sons of my parents’ friends. Kind of arranged courtships if you will. Even though I had a couple of boyfriends in high school, it wasn’t all that exciting or great for me. I dated in college, but nothing terribly serious. But I would consider those real boyfriends because they were with guys I wanted to be with.”

“Your family is pretty uptight?”

“Oh yeah. Getting pregnant wasn’t really in their life plans for me.”

Chris offered you a soft smile. “You went all Girls Gone Wild in college then?”

You ducked your head and covered your mouth as you snorted a laugh. “Hardly. I may have had my independence, but I didn’t go crazy. I was just able to be me for once.”

He nodded his head. You noticed his cheeks were bright red.

God, he’s good looking.

“Sorry!” he chuckled out. “Well, I’m glad you were able to find yourself in school.”

Each of you took a drink, you from your wine glass and Chris from his bottle of beer. It was quiet, but it wasn’t awkward. The comfortable silence was welcoming.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, of course,” Chris replied.

“What made you donate sperm?”

Now it was your turn for your face to heat up. You honestly just wanted to know, but damn if it wasn’t a weird question to ask someone.

Chris chuckled and shook his head. “Money,” he said shrugging his shoulders. “I was eighteen and interning in the city. Needless to say, I was making next to nothing,” he sighed. “A buddy of mine had done it a few times and talked up the cash he was making.’

“Understandable,” you said.

“I only did it once. I was scared to death my mom would find out, so it only ended up being a one and done for me.”

You gave him a soft smile. “Well, thank you for doing so,” you said, lifting your glass in salute. “It brought me Ellington.” Chris’ eyes went soft and he raised his glass to you.

After a moment you chuckled and Chris perked up.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s just,” you giggled again. “Your file said you were a pediatrician who acted in theater for fun.”

“I swear I never said that. I wouldn’t do that.” His plea was a bit panicked but sounded sincere.

“I believe you! I’m sure they beef up those files. Ellie is perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“She is. We can agree to that.”

**

“El! Did you borrow my earrings again? The white gold hoops?” you yelled from your bedroom.

Tonight, was Ellie’s third and final birthday celebration, but this time it was just going to be her and Chris. He was over at your place making Ellie chicken enchiladas per her request and you were finally having a much-needed night out with your co-workers that you now considered friends. This was the first time the two of them were spending time together without you there. This was also the first time you were having an adults’ since you moved to Boston months ago. It was fine. You were fine. You weren’t freaking out at all.

Ellie came running into your room. “Sorry!” she said dropping the hoops in your open hand.

You pecked her on the cheek. “No problem.”

“You look great mom.”

“Thanks, baby.” You ran your fingers through your hair and took a deep breath to calm your nerves. “How’s Chris doing out there. Hasn’t burned down the kitchen yet, I hope.”

She giggled and shook her head no. “He says he’s a great cook. I’ll let you know.”

“You better.”

Amy, your manager was picking you up in fifteen minutes. A group of ten or so were meeting at a restaurant that had live music on Fridays and tonight was a nineteen eighties tribute band. The plans were dinner, drinks, and dancing. You weren’t sure on the dancing, but you weren’t about to poopoo that plan to your manager. She had become a close friend over the last few weeks, she didn’t need to know that you did not dance. You weren’t bad per se, you just weren’t all that coordinated. Get a few drinks in you, and you were pretty out of control on the dance floor.

“You don’t think I’m overdressed?” you asked.

“No, this looks really good.”

The restaurant was a little on the nicer side. So, even though you were there mainly for the music, you didn’t think jeans were the way to go. Looking in the mirror attached to your closet door, you pulled down on the waist, making the red wrap dress reach your knees. The fabric had a tendency to bunch up, making it hit a couple of inches above your knees. You liked your legs, but your conservative upbringing never really left you completely.

“Any boys going to be there tonight?” Ellie asked, wiggling her eyebrows?

“Boys? Ellington…really?”

She chuckled softly. “Just asking.”

“Yes, there will be men there. It’s a work thing and I work with some men. Plus, it’s a restaurant, so there’s bound to be a few more.”

You started to walk from your room to the living room, shoes in hand.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

You turned around surprising her as she jumped back a step. “Hey! Who’s the mother and who’s the daughter?” A fake scowl on your face which Ellie easily picked a part as she started laughing, throwing her head back.

“What are you two ladies going on about?” Chris said, stepping out of the kitchen with his hands on his waist. His eyes met yours and his mouth parted. “Wow,” he said softly.

You bit your bottom lip and turned back toward the couch taking a seat so you slip on your shoes.

“I was just teasing mom about her night out.” Ellie said, not catching on to the tension in the room.

Chris nodded but kept his eyes on you. “You look great.”

“Thanks,” you said with a soft smile.

“Are you getting ready to head out?” he asked.

“Yep. My ride should be here in a few.”

“Good,” he nodded his head. “Dinner’s about ready. Want to set the table for me El?”

“On it,” she said, moving into the kitchen passing by Chris and giving him a slight hip check.

“Smells good. Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells.”

“Funny. I’ll have you know, my ma taught me to cook and I do just fine thank you.”

“Ellie will be the judge of that,” you replied, standing up now that your shoes were securely in place.

“I guess so,” he grinned.

Your phone chimed, so you quickly dug it out of your purse.

“That would be my ride,” you said to Chris who nodded before turning back to the kitchen.

“Ellie, Amy’s here. I’m heading out. Call me if you need anything.”

Ellie jogged out of the dinning room through the kitchen. “We’ll be fine. Have fun. Meet boys,” she said wrapping her arms around your waist.

“Yeah. Yeah.”

**

You couldn’t get the damn key to work. It was your third attempt, missing the lock all together on your first two tries. Amy’s car was still parked in front your house running with the lights on.

“Need help there girlie?” she called through the open window.

You laughed louder than you meant to. Drinking two more drinks than necessary was really getting to you.

“I got it! I got it!” you yelled back. The key was in the slot, all you need to do was turn it and you were home free so to speak. “Go home! Love y-”

The door opened causing you to fall forward but before you could hit the ground, strong arms caught you by the biceps.

“Whoa,” you whispered.

“You okay there, Y/N?” Chris chuckled helping you to stand on two feet.

“I’m-I’m fine. Thanks for catching me.”

“You good?” Amy called out.

You stepped back out the door and away from Chris’ arms, blowing her a kiss. “All good!”

Amy waved and drove off down the road. Turning back to your door, you stepped inside walking around Chris who closed the door behind you.

You had a permanent smile on your face, mostly due to the alcohol but partly due to the night. You had honest to goodness fun and it had been awhile. Your co-workers were a hoot. The food was good and the drinks were great. The band was high energy and talented. Half way through the set, you were forced out on the dance floor by some of your new friends and you actually had fun. Everyone was dancing too close for you to be too uncoordinated, so your secret was still safe.

“You didn’t have to stick around,” you said climbing the stairs.

Chris jogged up the stairs to catch up to you. “I know, but I wanted to clean up and didn’t want to leave Ellie home alone. She’s in bed already. Aaron called,” he said, giving you a look.

“Ah, Aaron. The boyfriend not boyfriend.”

“Yeah. Whatever that’s about.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “He’s a nice boy.”

“I don’t trust sixteen year old boys,” he said, leaning against the island and crossing his arms.

You smiled at him before reaching into the fridge to grab a bottle of water. You lifted it and waved it but Chris shook his head no.

“Not that quiet and studious boys can’t be punks, but I just didn’t get that impression of him. Besides, Ellie is a smart girl and we’ve had the sex talk.” The last bit was said in a hushed voice.

Chris raised his eyebrows, a small grin playing on his lips. “I didn’t quite hear that.”

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the word sex, but suddenly you were beyond flustered.

“The talk. You know. Not the birds and the bees, but birth control and waiting until you find the right partner,” you said. “Sex,” you whispered.

Chris threw his head back and laughed loudly. “I love that you feel the need to whisper the word sex.”

You shrugged your shoulders and lifted the bottle to your mouth taking a long drink. When he didn’t look away, you just kept on drinking, refusing to continue this side discussion.

He finally chuckled and looked down. “Did you have fun tonight?”

You set the bottle on the counter behind you and pulled that smile back on your lips. “The best time. It was hard moving away from friends. It’s nice to have friends here now.”

“Good. I’m glad sweetheart.”

There was that word again. You belly flipped and you had to grip the counter behind you to stay on your feet.

“I’m going to take off. I’ll call you.”

“Ye-yeah. Sounds good Chris,” you replied.

He started his decent down the stairs and you took a moment to yourself before you followed. Chris was slipping on his boots when you made it to the first level.

“Drive safe.”

“I will,” he replied softly but made no move to leave.  

The two of you stood motionless, soft smiles on your face. It almost felt like a game about who would look away first.

“Well.”

“Yeah,” you replied.

Chris chuckled and pulled you in a hug. It was unexpected as the two of you hadn’t hugged before.

“Oh.”

“Have a goodnight sweetheart,” he said into your hair.

You started to pull back, but his arms were still around you. “You too. I mean, you have a goodnight too.”

He smiled brightly at you, nodding his head slightly. It’s then when you lost your mind. Leaning in, you brushed your lips against his. You quickly dropped your arms forcing him to do the same. Your brain was at a loss as to what to do next. Chris’ eyes were wide but he still had a soft smile on his lips. When neither of you moved to take a step back, you decided to end the night before you made it anymore uncomfortable or tried to kiss him again.

“Okay, goodnight,” you said.

“Goodnight?”

“Yeah, goodnight Chris.”

“Okay.”

He opened the door, took a step outside and turned back to face you. “Night.”

“Night,” you replied.

You shut the door and flicked the deadbolt. Pressing your back against the door, you closed your eyes and took in a few calming breathes.

I kissed Chris. What was I thinking?!

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[iraacundus]

Butterfly Lies - ONE

chapter one ✭  masterlist ✭ next ✭

mafialeader kun x reader

words: 4k

genre: fluff, smut (in later chapters), angst

warnings: mentions of knives and guns

money makes people do strange things, is what people would say, it can even motivate them to murder. kun didn’t have people killed for the money, he had them killed for the power, he was a monster among men, is what people would say. in reality kun had only ever been motivated by one thing, his love for you

-----------

Kun had always been kind of sketchy. Even the day when you first met him at fifteen, you knew he wasn’t your average guy. You had been coerced by a group of friends to go shoplift the all night supermarket with them. You remembered standing outside with them in a group, going in two by two to steal vodka and gum. It was freezing cold and a stupid idea.

You had always been a well behaved kid so when you ‘friend’ told you it was your turn to steal some stuff you started to panic, mostly because they had asked you to go first, they thought you were naïve enough to try it.

You weren’t. But you did panic, instead of telling them you didn’t want to steal anything you just ran away. You hadn’t even know where you were running to but your feet kept moving, one in front of the other.

It only took those few minutes of you running to be lost, no idea where you were, twilight fading into dark. You had no phone and no money, you were just lost.

You started to walk back in the direction you vaguely believed to be the right one, two frightened to ask any of the people around for directions. You had never lived on the best side of town but now you were firmly in the worst part.

After about half an hour of aimless walking you sat down, head in your hands, really starting to panic. When you felt a tap on your shoulder you were sure the next conversation you were going to have would be your last.

Kun always said you were kind of dramatic.

It was him who had tapped you on the shoulder and sat down next to you, an easy going smile on his face. You felt a warmth from his presence which is why you didn’t immediately get up and run for the hills again.

You still thought he was kinda sketchy though. He was around your age, maybe a year or so older than you.

“You okay there?” He asked you, unbothered by your panicked demeanour. You shook your head.

“I’m totally lost,” you replied, deciding the details of your exact situation could be withheld. You had decided Kun seemed like the kind of guy who would have just stolen the vodka. You knew that was a biased judgement. You looked at the bruise on his cheek and his dark clothing and decided he looked like a gang member. The handle of a flick knife sticking out of his pocket hadn’t helped.

You hadn’t been wrong.

“I can give you some directions if you want, my name’s Kun by the way,” he said, holding out his hand for you to shake. If all gang members were that polite you didn’t thank they deserved they rep.

Kun was rather unique you came to find out.

“I’m y/n,” you replied, shaking his hand timidly. His grip was firm in comparison, he just had a certain kind of confidence.

“Well y/n, I’ll walk you back to your neighbourhood, no need to fear when I’m around… not a lot of people mess with me.”

Looking back you could almost laugh. He may have worn dark clothes and carried a knife but there wasn’t much threatening about Kun at sixteen. He had fluffy hair and a bright smile. One of the first thoughts you had when you were saw him was that he was kinda cute.

So you became friends from that day onwards. He walked on you home and you thought you would never see him again.

Yet two days later he turned up at your door with a phone with his number in. You didn’t want to take it at first. You knew it probably wasn’t obtained legally. However you couldn’t afford a phone of your own so you took it from him.

You blamed it on the smile, you couldn’t say no.

To some he may have just been a local teenage criminal, but to you he was like a personal hero.

He was always there for you even when he didn’t support your choices.

Like when you started to date Minjun at seventeen. Kun hated Minjun and he hated that you liked him even more. You could tell just from the glare he emitted any time your boyfriend was near. He also told you he thought Minjun was a bad guy. You brushed him off, didn’t listen.

Four months later you wished you had listened when you walked across the room at a party only too see Minjun kissing another girl. He wasn’t even trying to hide it which you were not sure if it made it worse or better.

Either way you turned up at Kun’s apartment crying your eyes. Kun never asked any questions, he didn’t say ‘I told you so,’ he just hugged you and let you cry until you felt better.

His apartment at the time was small and he shared it with like four of his friends but none of them ever seemed to bother you. Not even as you loudly wept in their kitchen.

“You were right, he’s an asshole,” you said as Kun handed you some water and a jumper of his to wear, it was a cold night.

“I’m sad I was right… for your sake,” he said frowning as he looked at your tear stained cheeks, “I swear I will fucking beat that guy senseless, he deserves it.” Kun’s knuckles were white against his own glass of water, you were scared it would smash.

Because Kun did have a scarier side by eighteen. You never really asked him what he was involved him, but you knew it had become much more serious. Whenever you had met up with him he always had cuts and bruises.

He would get phone calls at random times of day and just leave apologetically. There was always the faintest smell of disinfectant in his car. And it scared you so you never asked.

“He’s not worth it,” you said, really hoping Kun wouldn’t get himself into trouble by beating up someone like Minjun who had a rich dad who could afford rich lawyers.

He didn’t listen though, the next time you had seen Minjun he had two black eyes, something you had no idea how Kun had achieved without lawsuits.

You had tried to have a go at Kun for beating him up, tried to express how that wasn’t the answer.

Kun just shrugged,

“Some people just need a good punch in the face, I’ve always wanted to hit him, him not deserving you was just the tip of the iceberg.”

You had to admit Kun just got more intimidating over the years. Three years later you were sitting with him in a restaurant eating dinner. He had offered to buy you dinner to celebrate your end of year results for university.

He had taken you to a fancy restaurant that you would never have chosen. He talked and laughed with you as you ate, the same way he would have when you were sixteen, but he didn’t seem to fully be there. You could tell his mind was focused on other things, no matter how well he hid it.

“Are you okay?” you asked him, your fingers playing with a glass holding the most expensive wine you had ever drunk, “you seem worried about something?”

Kun shook his head, obviously lying to you.

“I’m as fine as I’ve ever been. Do you like the food?” he countered. You didn’t press the matter. You still never asked questions. You liked your version of Kun and so you knew you probably wouldn’t like the answer to any questions you could ask.

“The foods great, but probably overpriced,” you said, causing Kun to smile. He pushed a small box over to you, scrunching up the tablecloth slightly as a result. That seemed to panic the waiter nearby. It was a fancy restaurant.

You took the box and opened it. Inside was a beautiful but rather ostentatious bracelet. You could only imagine what it cost.

“I told you to stop buying me things Kun,” you sighed slightly. It wasn’t that you weren’t grateful, but it was hard to accept such lavish gifts, “I don’t have the money to get you nice things in return, I got you a frog alarm clock for your birthday, you can’t just buy me diamond bracelets for every time we meet.”

“I didn’t steal it, if that’s what you are worried about?” Kun said, his eyes glancing to a recent text message.

“That is not the issue. I just don’t want you to spend so much money on me when I can’t do the same for you and probably wouldn’t anyway because it’s sort of over the top.” You explained.

Kun turned his phone over and held his hands up playfully.

“Okay this is the last one, I will stop. I just wanted to give you a present for being such an amazingly intelligent student, Lucas helped me pick it out.”

Lucas was a friend of his. You didn’t know many of his friends, in fact Lucas and Sicheng were the only ones you knew. They only really showed up when Kun asked them too, they sometimes had drinks with him at Kun’s favourite bar but you didn’t like spending time with them.

Not because you had anything against them but it was with them that Kun was different. He was much more cold and almost never smiled.

You could never understand why.

You held out your wrist as Kun fastened the bracelet, it was one of the most wonderful pieces of jewellery you had ever seen. Even if you only had your seven pound hoop earrings and your ten pound ring to compare it too.

You really wanted to ask where Kun was getting all this money all of a sudden, but at the same time you still didn’t want to know.

Kun only became colder, even towards you in the weeks that followed that dinner. He would talk less when you met up and more often than that he would blow you off before you even got to the proposed location.

You ignored his antics and went back to studying. You had a life outside of Kun, one that was very different. You had lots of friends at uni, guys you would hook up with casually, you weren’t interested in dating. You were a top student in your economics class. Not even your closest friends even knew Kun existed.

When he wasn’t there you missed him. For years he had been your closest friend, your teenage hero. So when a whole month had passed in which he had ignored your calls, you decided to give up your policy of non-interference, no questions asked.

You got the bus to his apartment and climbed up the many flights of stairs, looking for the best graffiti you could find on your walk up. The whole stairwell was covered in art of a single letter. The letter V.

When you got to Kun’s apartment and knocked on the door you didn’t get an answer even though you could tell the light inside was on.

You banged on the door again harder this time.

“Open up Kun, I know your ignoring me and I’ve had enough, if you could at least explain why, it would be appreciated!” you shouted.

You started to hear whispering and rustling from inside the house and so you decided to wait. A few minutes later a boy you had never seen before opened the door.

“Are you y/n?” he asked, his head just visible in the small gap he had opened to talk to you.

“Yeah, I’m looking for Kun, last time I checked he lived here?” you said, slightly confused as to what was going on.

“Yeah he moved out about six months ago, Xiaojun’s calling him now… I would let you in but Kun said that I was never allowed to let a girl named y/n into the apartment unless he was here so, I apologise for that. I’m Ten by the way,” He gave you an apologetic smile before closing the door in your face.

You sunk down against the wall, seriously questioning your continued choice to be friends with Kun. You didn’t understand how he could take you out to a fancy dinner one week and then ignore you for the following month.

You didn’t think sixteen year old Kun would have done the same.

It was dark before you saw a black SUV pull up by the apartment block and Kun get out. He jogged over to the building and up the stairs before stopping in front of you.

“Have you really been sitting out here all this time?” he asked, his face concerned.

“Only because you told your buddies I wasn’t allowed in,” you replied, unamused, “you didn’t want to mention it to me that you moved house?”

“I’m sorry,” was all he managed to say.

“I only came to look for you because you won’t return my calls. What’s wrong Kun, did I upset you or something because if so we can fix it, don’t just ignore me, we’ve been friends for years.”

“I’m not mad at you or upset with you, I’ve literally never been mad at you y/n,”

“Then why have you been ignoring me?”

“It’s complicated and..”

“I’m top of my class I’m sure I can follow.”

You realised that in asking him this you were finally asking something about the life you had never asked him about before. Sometimes you wished you had asked him what he was doing from the start.

Kun didn’t reply, he took your hand in his and started to lead you back down the stairs and out to his SUV.

He opened the door for you to get in. It was as nice a car inside as it was outside, soft leather seats that were heated and a touch screen dashboard.

“I’ll show you my new apartment,” was all he said before starting the ignition. The silence was pervasive so you switched on the radio, only to hear the news headlines.

“A series of murders have been linked to gang violence, possibly associated with the rise of the gang known only as V, though this is thought to be an alias. Police have launched an investigation but are no further in.”

You switched the radio straight back off. You had seen the graffiti, you knew that whatever Kun was involved in it had to do with this V.

Kun sighed slightly. He must have been able to tell you knew from the way you violently turned the radio back off, his eyes glancing at you in the mirror.

“I don’t want you to hate me,” Kun managed to whisper as he pulled up in front of a rather large, sophisticated looking apartment building. He got out, leaving the keys in the ignition for the valet. You followed, before he could go round and open the door for you. Gripping your phone in your hand tightly.

You didn’t think the elevator with two other people in was the best place to tell him that you would never hate him so you waited until he opened the door to his apartment and let you in.

The apartment was twelve times nicer than his old one. It was huge, had views of the city and expensive furniture. He had a large flat screen tv and soft cushions on his sofa.

“You’re doing well these days my friend,” you said, trying to ease the tension, “can we sit down?” you asked. Kun nodded, walking round and taking a seat next to you on the sofa.

“Before you say anything, I promise I won’t judge you. I’m not even asking you to tell me what you do or why, I have never asked you to do that. I know that what you do for a living isn’t legal and that’s up to you. I do care about you ignoring me though.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, running his hands through his hair, “I’ve been busy in something I just didn’t want you to get caught up in, it has been kinda stressful. I don’t ever want to ignore you or make you feel like I don’t want to hang out with you because you have to know by now that’s not true.”

You wrapped your arms around him tightly, pulling him into a hug.

“You know that just because I don’t ask, doesn’t mean you can’t tell me, if you would rather get it of your chest I’m willing to listen. That’s what best friends are for.”

Kun pulled away shaking his head.

“I don’t ever want to get you involved in what I do.”

“Just remember I’m not fifteen and scared of the dark anymore,” you laughed, teasing your past self. Kun still didn’t laugh. His lips a firm set line.

“But you would be scared of me and I haven’t been trying to win you over for all these years just to lose you.”

His words were not a revelation. You had always been aware that Kun had some sort of crush on you, he never really hid it. You knew that had been his main issue with Minjun. He hadn’t mentioned it for almost two years and so you had thought he had finally gotten over it.

It wasn’t that you didn’t find Kun attractive, it was more that you weren’t willing to risk your friendship.

You had never been one to take risks.

“If I wanted to know would you tell me?” you asked him.

“If you wanted to know what?” he replied, playing dumb, stalling, clearly afraid you were going to ask even though you had just promised not to.

“If I wanted to know what you do, what V is, where you suddenly got all this money?”

“Probably, though it might be an abridged version of the truth,”

At least he was honest about his inability to be honest.

“Ten seemed nice,” you said, changing the subject, “he was very polite about not letting me in.”

“All my friends will be kind to you,” the way he said friends not quite sounding right. You were becoming more curious, you just wanted to know. You had been content with not knowing all these years but when he was making the news.

You suddenly were unbelievably curious. Only the pained sound of Kun’s voice when had talked about losing you prevented you from asking. You didn’t want to upset him. Preserving your friendship was still the goal.

“I think we should watch a movie,” you said grabbing the remote from the table, “unless you have work?” you paused, not thinking that Kun was probably as busy as before.

“Work is cancelled for the evening, a movie sounds great,” he said, finally managing to smile for the first time, “pick whatever one you want.”

You turned on a lighthearted animation. You weren’t really focused on the film, just happy that Kun wasn’t ignoring you because he was upset. You always felt calm when you spent time with him.

Near the end of the film it was almost midnight, you had rested your head against Kun’s shoulder, your eyelids heavy. You weren’t sure exactly when you fell asleep but woke up sometime later.

The sun was streaming through the gap in the curtains. For a moment you had no idea where you were. You realised you must have been in one of Kun’s spare rooms.

You wondered back out into the living room looking for Kun. There was a note on the kitchen counter that he had left.

Had to go to work – if im not back when you get up I left a toothbrush for you in the bathroom and there is cereal and juice in the cupboard help yourself. 

You went back into the bathroom and brushed your teeth before rifling through Kun’s cupboards in search of the cereal.

You had managed to find the milk and cereal and were only missing a spoon.

You searched through some of the smaller draws almost jumping back in fright when you saw a gun inside one of them. It was in the centre of the drawer amongst some old chopsticks and napkins.

Even for a gang member you thought it was strange he kept a gun in his drawer. You had never been scared about any of Kun’s work until that moment. The reality of him having to hide a gun for protection was one you had been hiding from.

Just the night before you had decide to ask nothing. Now you were worried about how much danger Kun was putting himself in.

You closed the drawer slowly, your heart beating fast.

When you heard a noise at the door and voices outside you panicked, the same way you had panicked at fifteen. This time you couldn’t run so you opened the drawer and pulled out the gun pointing it at the door.

Finally the door opened and Kun walked in, with Ten following behind. Both of them immediately throwing their hands in the air at the sight of you with a gun.

“Jesus Christ y/n, put the gun down what are you doing,” Kun called out.

“It’s just you,” you stuttered, your whole body shaking from adrenaline as you let the gun fall to the floor. You had no idea why you had been so afraid, why the gun had put you so on edge. “I heard voices and the door banging and…”

“So I’m gonna let you guys talk,” Ten said, backing out of the door slowly.

Once the door had closed Kun ran over and picked up the gun, placing it back inside the drawer.

“How much danger does your job put you in, is it even safe to stay here?” you asked, “because I would very much not like to be murdered in my sleep.”

“I wouldn’t let anyone kill you y/n, not in my flat, not anywhere,”

“See none of what you said there is that this is a safe place to be, fuck. I should have known that if you were involved with a gang linked to murders there was some danger but what people are out to get you, do you sleep with a gun under your pillow?”

“It’s complicated. No I don’t have a gun under my pillow that would be dangerous for all kinds of reasons. I keep one in my bedside table and one here in the kitchen drawer which I forgot you could stumble across, I’m so sorry it scared you.”

You started pacing up and down slightly.

“Can you not just quit?” you asked, ninety-eight percent sure the answer would not be the one you wanted.

“You know it doesn’t work like that.”

“Your boss would kill you right? For being a traitor, the leader of V whoever he is.”

Kun laughed slightly but not because anything was really funny.

“I wouldn’t kill myself no, but that still doesn’t mean I can just quit, people rely on me, I have stuff I want to achieve.”

It took you a while to realise what he was admitting to you. The worry in his eyes increasing with all the seconds you remained silent.

“You are the leader? You’re a gang leader, my closest friend leads a gang that is on the news for killing people.” You began to just word vomit, speaking your thoughts allowed. You thought your dramatic nature was justified given the situation.

“A few years ago all you did was steal bikes for a guy named Doyoung and get into fights. How did you end up… I don’t want to know. I’m willing to level with you Kun, I’m panicking here.”

Kun seemed helpless to help you.

“I’m still me,” he said pulling you into a hug, “I’m not saying there isn’t a danger y/n, but I’m in charge of a pretty sizeable gang, I have the power to protect myself and those around me.”

You panicked less as he hugged you, even in this situation his touch was calming.

“Why did you tell me now that you were the leader?, you could have lied,” you asked him.

“Because not telling you hasn’t made you love me any more.”

[kyber-kisses]

I, Alone

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: cursing, canon level gore, character death. . . angst.

Summary: when a simple hunt goes terribly wrong, y/n is the only person who can attempt to fix it. . .but at what cost?

A/n: had this idea rolling around for the past few days, if it gets enough likes I’ll write a six part story for it! Hope y’all enjoy and feedback is appreciated! I was also listening to Ashes by Claire Guerreso so if you really wanna vibe with this fic. . .

Pacing back and forth across the old frayed carpet of the run down motel you gnawed almost mindlessly are your nails, eyes darting across the darkened room to the two motel beds. The silhouettes of two bodies making your stomach churn. Your tears had long since dried on your cheeks, your energy drained to almost nothing.

It was never supposed to go like this.

It was supposed to be a simple hunt. Three hunters against a couple spirits. No big deal. Ghosts where practically a milk run case at this point in your career. . . So why did it end the way that it had?

You had to think of something. Anything to fix what had happened.

You paused your pacing at the foot of the nearest bed, eyes falling over the now cold corpse of one Dean Winchester. Through the darkness you could still easily make out the massive tears in his shirt, now darkened with drying blood. A few feet away his brother lay in a similar position, chest still and unmoving.

You wanted to cry, scream, anything to release all the emotions bubbling up inside you, but you remained stoic, too tired to even attempt a lone shriek.

They were gone. The closest thing you ever had gotten to a family now lay lifeless and cold on faded cotton sheets. Hazel and green eyes now permanently shut to this earthly plane-

No. No- quickly shaking the thoughts from your head you ran a bloody hand through your hair, sinking to the balls of your feet between the two mattresses.

“Please forgive me.” You whispered, popping back up on your heels and reaching for the impalas keys.

You had one card left to play, and damn if you weren’t going to use it.

*. *. *. *. *. *.

Emotions were an annoying thing.

They always found a way of weaseling through the cracks in the walls you put up to keep yourself steady. They gnaw at your insides and make you lose control of what little you did have reined in. But right now you were trying harder than ever to force them back down your gullet.

This was for the best. . . Even if it meant giving up your days to make sure they had some left. 

The countryside lay dark and quiet as you walked across the ground, boots crunching against gravel while you shifted the small box in your arms. The air was thick with the scent of yarrow flowers, almost to the point in which you believed you could wrap yourself in it. Jaw clenched like a shock absorber for your emotions you knelt down to place the old shoe box in the ground.

It almost seemed too simple- at least for something of this scale. The contents of the box rattled as you set it down. Grave dirt, the bones of a black cat and a picture of yourself. The three small ingredients that would cook up your fate.

Quickly burying the box, you said the words before waiting patiently. A soft summer breeze blew across the crossroads making a shiver crawl up your spine. You weren’t scared though. You were just eager to put things back together.

If Dean were here he would be telling you that you were blinded by grief, that you weren’t thinking straight. . . But then again if he were here you wouldn’t be doing this in the first place.

Dean was gone. He was laying lifeless in a cheap and darkened motel room next to his baby brother. . . But he wouldn’t be that way for long- not if you could help it.

Growing impatient, you threw back your head “You really gonna make me wait here all night?!”

“Careful Sugar, you’ll wake the neighbors.”

At the sound of the new voice you dropped your shoulders, spinning around on your heel to meet the black eyed gaze of the crossroad demon before you. Long black hair cascaded down her shoulders, red lips twisted up in an amused smirk.

“You normally keep people waiting like that?” Shoving your hands into the pockets of your coat, you took steady strides across the empty road towards her, showing her that you weren’t afraid.

“Only ones with an attitude like yours.” Tilting her head she stepped forward, heels grinding against the loose gravel as she circled you. “Now tell me, what is Nancy Drew doing all the way out here? I doubt the Hardy boys would be pleased to hear you’re out in the dark with a demon. . .” She paused, eyes scanning over your face. “That is unless they’re d-“

“I need you to bring them back.” Your words coming out sharp as you glared back at her, jaw still clenched.

“Oh and why would I do that? If the Winchesters are really dead- then it’s best for my species if they stay that way. Doesn’t make much sense to bring our biggest threat back onto the playing field.”

Taking a deep breath you continued to try and keep you emotions under lock, but unable to hide the waver in your voice. “Please. They’re all that I have.”

You watched her expression shift momentarily, pausing her steps to think. After what felt like an excruciatingly long minute, the corners of her lips turned up in a smirk.

“Alright, fine. I’ll bring back your precious Winchesters. . . But you will not be around to see it.”

You wish you could say you were shaken by her words, but wasn’t that the whole reason why you came out here in the first place? To pawn away your life in exchange for the people you loved most in this world?

“Fine by me. My soul is yours for the taking.”

“Oh I don’t want your soul.” She cooed, moving to drag a single perfectly manicured nail along your jaw. “Seeing as I am bring back the Winchesters of all people, I thought I would make it a little interesting.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, that instead of marking your soul for hell, I’m going to strip all memories of you from their minds.” She explained, watching in amusement as your face fell. “They wont remember you and you will have to live the rest of your days knowing that.”

“Why?”

“Oh I think you should be able to piece that together for yourself. Yes I could always physically torture you in the pit- but mental torture is so much more fun.” She grinned. “That is the price if you want me to bring your beloved Dean Winchester back from the great beyond.”

Her last words successfully made you freeze, your entire body going rigid as your wall keeping your emotions back began to crack.

“Oh yes, I know about that too. It’s so easy to see in the way you look at him.” She cooed, clearly finding your pain amusing. “Miss Y/N Y/L/N. . . In love with the righteous man. Too bad he’ll never know.”

Push them back down Y/N, push your emotions back down. She’s trying to break you. Don’t let her.

“Deal.”

And with one quick step she had her lips against yours and your fate was set in stone.

“Oh, and best be gone before they wake up. You wouldn't want your deal to go bad so soon.”

*. *. *. *. *.

The air felt heavier from the moment you slid back out from behind the wheel of the impala. Maybe it was the fact that you knew it would be the last time you sat on the worn leather seats- or maybe it was just the utter weight of emotions still rising inside you.

Rolling the keys in your hand you slowly eased open the door to the motel room, stepping back into the poorly air conditioned space. You didn’t bother turning on the lights, the neon sign just beyond the moth eaten curtains illuminating the area just enough. All you had to do was grab your belongings and high tail it out of there before they woke up.

Quickly crossing the room, you placed the keys of the impala back on the nightstand where Dean had last left them before crossing over to the small table and haphazardly tossing all of your things into your duffel and shouldering it.

It was best if you moved quickly and didn’t dwell on your emotions. If you stopped you were sure to break. No second glances or momentary pauses. Eyes on the road ahead. Don’t look back.

Unfortunately you made it all of five steps to the door before that entire plan flew out the window. Your steps faltered and before you could stop yourself you were looking back over your shoulder at the occupied beds.

Even from your spot you could see that your deal was already taking affect. Their shirts were no longer in tatters and the blood was gone, almost as if it had never been there to begin with. In the dim light you could see the slow and steady rise of Deans chest telling you that he was alive. That’s he was okay. And that your work was now done.

Slowly sinking to sit on the side of the bed, you folded your hands, finding it difficult all of a sudden to look up. You had to say something- even if he couldn't hear you.

“Goodbyes are never easy, are they? And it isn’t easy to leave when it’s the only option available.” You words coming out in almost a whisper as you spoke. “I have so many things I want to say to you- but they fall short knowing that you won’t hear them.”

Another crack in your wall formed when you looked over at the relaxed facial expression on Dean, his eyelashes fluttering in his sleep. It was rare to see him this peaceful- this calm. But you drew comfort knowing you had helped make him that way.

The crack was enough to fill your eyes with tears. “And here I am having to say goodbye to the only person that I felt cared, the only person that I felt happy around.” You paused, finding the words stuck in your throat. “How am I supposed to just do that without feeling like I’ve lost a part of me?” Your voice finally cracking as you felt the first wave of hot tears run down your face. “All those times we would just laugh and talk and do normal things that normal people did- I had never been more happy.”

As much as you know it’s best for you, and him- and everyone you can’t ignore the inexplicable pain your carrying in your chest. Even though you want to hug him and stay by his side longer, you can’t. Waking up to a stranger would be a confusing feeling for him and a painful one for you.

“I never expected our lives to separate one day.  We’ve known each other since we were kids.” You continued, delicately lacing your hand through his now warm one. “But I’ll never forget the moments you laughed with me, cried with me, helped me. . . And vice versa. But you’ll still have Sam and Cas. . . And in the end you’ll be okay.”

Pushing yourself up from the bed, you let go of his hand, using the back of it to wipe away the tears. Before you could walk towards the door though you leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, paying no attention the the stray tear splashing down onto his face.

“Just know that whatever comes next, I love you.” Your whisper barely audible to your own ears. The words were pointless though. He wouldn’t hear them or remember them.

And before you could realize it you had your duffel back on your shoulder and you were slipping out the door. Leaving everything you called home behind.

Crossing through the almost empty parking lot you set your sights on the future. The next course of action was to hot wire a car and get back to the bunker. You still had belongings there that you needed to pack up before the brothers returned home.

Walking across the street you could feel the rough cracks in the asphalt through the soles of your boots, each steps feeling as though you had lead strapped to your feet. It was only when you reached the alleyway close ahead that you stopped once more, the magnetic pull of your family tightening around your core as you looked back, just in time to see shadows pass by the now lit up room you had just exited.

And the remaining pieces of the wall you had tried so desperately to fortify crumbled, taking you with it. A choked sob left your throat and your hand flew out to steady yourself of the brick wall- but the support didn’t last long before you knees buckled and you slid down the wall, sobbing into your hands just beyond reach of the nearest street lamp. Tears of both relief and anguish soaked your cheeks and you didn’t try to stop them.

They were alive. But you weren’t so sure about yourself.

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[smolbeandrabbles]

This Is What You Came For - Nolan Sorrento x Reader (Ready Player One)

@mandy23b​ @wltz-bby @happyskywhale #mendotagsquad

GIF Credit: X

Nolan Sorrento + 29 - “How is my wife more badass than me?” Requested by @purebloodwitch​ Author’s Note: Alright! Second to last 100 Sentence Challenge request! We really are almost there now! 🙏😁 This is a Ready Player One AU. You’ll figure out the AU as you read 😉 I made... some Tron references in this! I don’t think enough to warrant you having needed to see it-!  😁 Maybe you’ll want to look up what exactly a Light Cycle is. (Specifically how you use one in Tron: Legacy) Also I know that the Cycle would technically be in her OASIS inventory but I really like the idea of her just carrying the stick around strapped to her belt or thigh or something to use it. So ignore that inaccuracy!

Disclaimer: AU / Neither RPO or Tron has anything to do with me. / gif not mine / lyrics not mine / References to Lacero

Premise: With the final Key of the OASIS up for grabs, and IOI certain that it will be theirs - you’ve become unnecessary. When it all goes wrong, there’s only one Sixer that can step up to the plate...

Words: 4948

Warnings: AU / Swearing

_______ Baby, this is what you came for Lightning strikes every time she moves Yeah Baby, this is what you came for Lightning strikes every time she moves And everybody's watching her But she's looking at you, We go fast with the game we play Who knows why it's gotta be this way We say nothing more than we need I say "your place" when we leave Baby, this is what you came for Lightning strikes every time she moves And everybody's watching her But she's looking at you --- Yes, I am gonna win, And I’ll light the fuse, And I’ll never lose And I choose to survive, Whatever it takes You won’t pull ahead, I’ll keep up the pace And I’ll reveal my strength to the whole human race Yes I am prepared to stay alive And I won’t forgive, vengeance is mine And I won’t give in because I choose to thrive Yeah, I’m gonna win! Race, It’s a race But I’m gonna win Yes, I’m gonna win 

---

You weren’t supposed to be here. In fact you weren’t even supposed to be on standby near IOI plaza. You were supposed to be at home - a simple spectator to the final challenge. Today was, of course, the day that IOI claimed the third key. Your husband, the OASIS for himself. Buuuut, as usual with Nolan, it had to be done the hard way - and everything appeared to be going terribly.

It wasn’t so hard to get your motorcycle from point A to point B and before you knew it you were hurrying towards the War Room. You heard the whispers and murmurs get steadily louder as you rushed from room to room; but especially as you ran the walkways over the Oologists. Y/N’s here! Y/N’s here! Y/N’s here! Yeah - everyone knew what that meant.

“Y/N! Ms.Sorrento, I-!” His assistant caught you as soon as you flung the doors to the correct floor open. “Paul, now is not the time to tell me what Nolan does or doesn’t want me to do. It looks like he needs me and, regardless of that, I think the sixers need help.” Several of them stood to attention as you clambered up on one of the platforms ready to strap yourself in. Good kids that respected you. Well, that came with the territory, you had spent time training a few of the best here too. Michael, their drill instructor and another guy you liked plenty, rushed over to perform final checks and run down exactly what was happening with you, he knew this was serious too. “Shall I inform him you’re here!?” Paul seemed to be halfway to the door already, “Nah, he’ll figure out soon enough!” You gave Michael a fist bump as you pulled on your gloves. “Andrew up there?” Nolan’s head of security seemed pretty important to keep around right now. “Uh… I don’t know I-” “Don’t worry, just make sure he is.” You took a breath regarding your visor for a moment. Okay – time to teach these kids a thing or two, again.

You were something of a marvel within the OASIS yourself - though you weren’t about to brag about it. IOI’s secret weapon, and boy did they desperately need you right now. F’Nale, but with covert OASIS based operations. And you were very alike; you understood why Nolan trusted her as much as he did you. An “official” I-R0k; although you would never like the comparison, considering you could trust him about as far as you could throw him, and didn’t understand why Nolan had so much faith. You two didn’t get on, which is why you’d been left out of a lot of this key stuff. For this to run smoothly Nolan had to keep the two of you from clashing, and I-R0K was the one getting paid for things you would consider less than legal. Except you had two keys, and they ought to remember that. Besides, it looked like his faith was going well...

You glanced up to Nolan’s office with a gentle sigh as you slipped on your visor to log in. Am I going to have to rescue you again, husband dearest? Much like him you didn’t wear your wedding ring - his in a box in the left pocket of his jacket ‘over my heart, where it matters’ is what Nolan always said. Yours on a chain around your neck, which you would often kiss for good luck, as you did now. The familiar start up screen greeted you with those five letters you knew all too well; before presenting you with a host of IOI portal options. Your flashed smile was confident as you stepped towards one.

Sector 14, Anoraks Castle, Planet Doom

 *** You knew what you were as much as everyone else did. Nolan’s last line of defence. IOI’s secret weapon. Everyone knew, if they didn’t already, that it was serious when you took to the War Room floor and suited up. You would never call yourself a Gunter and you certainly weren’t a Sixer in the traditional sense, you enjoyed your time in the OASIS sure – and you were probably in it a little too much for Nolan’s liking, but that made you perfect. You knew what you were doing, and you weren’t restricted. For one thing, your Avatar still retained her original name. Today you’d changed into your battle uniform, but usually you could blend freely with everyone else. Working for him sure, but unlike the Sixers you were invisible. Before you’d met Nolan Sorrento you’d been a stuntwoman – when movie making still existed. It didn’t make the transition to becoming a fitness instructor that hard, and eventually that led to becoming a personal trainer for the elite (no one else was paying for such a thing these days). Nolan wasn’t one of these people, Nolan was someone whose form you’d commented on once or twice to help – and also a man who infuriatingly thought he knew everything. He’d in no way been your favourite person, the kinda rich corporate asshole that thought his money could buy him everything. But he liked your attitude and soon enough you realised that Nolan was only pretending not to listen to you. You warmed to him, and he you – to the point you knew he wasn’t kicking around your gym just for his workouts. You got hired as his trainer, and then promptly dropped as you started dating. Nolan wasn’t one for dating people he hired, because he liked to avoid scandal, which is exactly why you weren’t an official IOI employee. But he was as married to his job as he was to you, so, it had to bleed into your life somewhere. Truth was when it came to your relationship you were firmly in the drivers’ seat; and Nolan Sorrento needed you. Badly. Possibly none more so than he did now. You’d spent this morning at home – wishing him good luck before he left and letting him know you’d be on standby. Nolan had flashed a confident smile, and told you you didn’t need to be. “We have that… Orb of Osuvox thing, you can take the day off.” You were pleased he was at least pronouncing it correctly, “Okay. But with two keys and being arguably the best Sixer you have-” He crossed the room and kissed your forehead, “Y/N. That’s exactly why you need to stay…” He took your hands in his, touching his head to yours, “If I keep you safe here, then I know if things start going wrong, we still have a chance.” “Babe…” You pulled back, “Am I not your chance?” “We have this.” His blue eyes flashed in over-confidence (Which was correct in hindsight!) “Relax. Watch it here instead. You’ve done your part.” You tipped your head, before pulling him to you fiercely by his shirt collar for a fiery kiss – you’d have removed it, if you didn’t know that he had to go. “Finish it.” He blinked hard and swallowed harder, to Nolan that felt like a promise. Like the and hurry back was lingering unsaid on your lips. “I… I will.” Only that was before you’d watched that level 99 magic artifact implode on him, and you’d reached for your motorcycle keys then. No matter what Nolan said; you were always going to be on standby for him, you would step in if necessary, no matter the cost. The only thing that kept you on the couch for any longer than that was watching the appearance of Mechagodzilla. Now there was a movie Nolan had you watching 1000 times and yet still waxed lyrical about. How excited he was to tell you he’d built one in the OASIS. You had gifted him with a miniature figurine of it for his desk, and there it sat, his pride and joy. It always made you smile when you saw it. But even his faithful mechanical monster wasn’t helping him this time. And as you watched that explode you sprung from the couch. “SHIT!” Did that mean Nolan would have zeroed? No, no, no, no! That shouldn’t have happened. This shouldn’t be happening! You snapped the viewing screen off and sprinted to the garage – very nearly cursing yourself. You should have gone with him; you should have pushed Nolan, made it clear he needed you for moral support and no wasn’t an option – then you’d have been at HQ right now. Hell, you should have BEEN on that field right now, you could have gone from here - but what you really needed was IOI intel, portals, and access to their inventory. The one thing that gave you pause before you started your bike ignition was the vibration of your phone in your pocket, you pulled it out; ‘He needs you.’ was all it said – hastily written by his assistant, you pocketed it again and took a deep breath. Hand stilled for a moment over the gold band pressed against your chest under your shirt. “Yeah… No shit.” You always felt at home on bikes – and felt that it was always a quicker way to navigate through the city. You’d get to IOI Plaza quicker than you ever would in a car at any rate. Your OASIS vehicle of choice was a Light Cycle – Tron was one of, if not your all-time, favourite 80s Pop Culture movie. Although your current mod meant you had a version closer to the type in Legacy, a little easier to carry around and extremely fun to mount. You’d always flashed Nolan a grin and referred to your bike as ‘an ACTUAL gold piece of 80s media’ only for him to scoff at you. But yours had won you that first key before anyone else in IOI had, and you got to waltz into his board meeting and practically demand to be employed. (Unsurprisingly, Nolan didn’t really want you involved. Oh, until you proved you could do it!) The Light Cycle games were also ever popular in the OASIS, and you were the current reigning champion. Those had cemented your place in the OASIS, rather than your role as an IOI agent – it was unsurprising that everyone assumed you were a gunter. Many had tried to beat you, and all had failed – now it was time to put all those skills to a different kind of test. Hopefully you could win this one too. Nolan was counting on it.

*** Your avatar materialised on just the right side of the battle. Maybe a little too close to danger, though. You took a couple of steps back from the shattered bridge, giving only an obliging glance to the lava before turning to the castle; the real fight was in here. “Taking the bridge out isn’t a bad idea… I suppose…” – It was likely the only credit you would give I-R0K. This particular part of the planet looked like more of a winter scene than the rest of it. And not from any cheery Christmas movie, you thought, much more like the Day After Tomorrow. The wind whipped your avatar’s hair around and left a distinct chill on your VR gear; you shivered against the cold involuntarily before you broke into a run, hoping you weren’t too late. You had highly modified your avatars coding, twice, for these exactly moments. Within seconds you deployed her fairy-like wings. You couldn’t remember exactly when you’d last used them practically, rather than for extra show. But if ever there was a time, it was now. Beneath what you could hear from the OASIS itself was the nearly comforting noise of the war room and the murmur rippled – this was serious business. You could leave nothing to chance. The sound of real fighting echoed off the ice as you kept running, letting you wings vibrate against the cold air to give her lift, hopefully this would work! *** At first Parzival wasn’t sure what exactly had hit him, only that his right hand side had taken the brunt of the force. Luckily not enough to take out his armour quite yet. Looking up, he faced an avatar he’d never seen before skidding across the ice to a stop, whereupon she used her wings to right herself. Those must have been coded by the person to whom she belonged; he’d never seen a mod like that. He suddenly found himself with a sense of dread; dressed in a black leather jacket reminiscent of Sorrento’s own, underneath was a T-Shirt emblazoned in lights: IOI-6whatever-her-number-was. A Sixer?! But with an avatar like that she wasn’t just a regular one. He stood shakily, eyes flicking back to Sorrento – who looked more than a little surprised that she’d just joined the fight. Parzival smiled; Nolan was off guard – now was his chance. Z got just two paces – albeit at a very good run – before you were back in front of him. Every step he took you mirrored; wings stretched out defensively. These might have been kids, but you weren’t opposed to getting up in his face. Your eyes glittered in a way that made the colour seem unnatural (your favourite, if he was wondering), and Parzival was forced to take a slight step back. “Don’t. Fucking. Touch him.” You were more than happy to take the space he’d conceded. “Fine. I’ll just take both of you!” You had to give him credit, almost admired the attitude, eyes narrowed. Parzival wasn’t about to back down without a fight; hell, you might even find this one enjoyable. “You sure about that when you can just walk away now – it might be less painful for you.” “This is my world – and I’ll protect it from IOI and HIM by any means necessarily!” You sighed, with a shrug, “Suit yourself-!” There was just no way around you. Parzival realised he’d have to go through you and he wasn’t sure how many more of these painful hits he could take. You were highly trained and knew what you were doing – it raised so many questions as to why he’d never met you before. “Y-Y/N!” “Save it!” You didn’t even turn to Nolan’s avatar as you snapped, holding your hand up to silence him, give this kid an inch he’d likely take a mile. (Also you weren’t entirely happy anymore about your husband leaving you behind, but now wasn’t the time for that). You went for Z again – weapons unnecessary; your avatar was fine with relying on your own fighting skills and knowledge. Especially in close combat – magic was nice, but you’d still take your own instincts over that. Really you should have told him he didn’t have a chance, and you weren’t bad at dodging his tricks either. Given you were IOI’s best kept secret, there was probably too much going on in Parzival’s head right now to keep focus on what he was doing. He didn’t have any friends to save him. Your next sharp strike had him down on the floor – flashing red in warning that any second, he could be taken off the board. And it was painful, you made sure of that, to keep him there for a minute. You had a couple of other idiots to deal with before you removed him from the top of the scoring. For the first time since you’d got here you acknowledged the cavernous area you found yourself in; it seemed to be nothing but ice and stretched on endlessly. That chill still clung to your VR equipment and as you caught your breath it fogged up in the virtual air. I-R0K pulled you back to the matter at hand; “You’re a little late to the party don’t you think-!?” You didn’t even regard him properly, eyes flicking across, face hardened; “Shut your damn mouth. I got here didn’t I-!? Thought you boys wouldn’t need my help. Thank me later.” Then as a snarky aside, “This is all on you, I guess? A lot of good your plan did-!” “It woulda been fine. It’s your company that was infiltrated.” You did actually turn to Nolan then, arms folded, “HIS company.” Nolan looked a little affronted, but held his tongue. You knew he wasn’t about to chide you for being here. Looking between them again you couldn’t help but smirk; “I see your little orb didn’t work.” “It was taken down from the inside.” “...Exactly.” That still counted, you didn’t know why I-R0K was trying to pretend that it didn’t. “That’s not my fault.” “No one thought to just turn it back on?” They looked to each other and you realised it’d never crossed anyone’s mind, “Oh god, men!“ You ran your hand over your face; “So. What happened?” Nolan came in to defend his old friend from your onslaught – painfully aware of how much you didn’t get on; “It’s not exactly on him, my rig did get hacked.” You raised an eyebrow, “You still using that ridiculous password?” “Yeah.” His eyes flickered gold. “You still got it on a post-it?” “No.” His answer was far too quick, voice pitched slightly, and you sighed folding your arms once more, “I told you to change it.” It sounded like something a teen would use anyway - Bo55man69? Who was Nolan Sorrento kidding? “I… I was getting to it!” He stuttered as you gave him a hard look. “Little late for that... if you two idiots will excuse me!” Then you finally regarded the third man in the room looking between you utterly confused, yet still on the floor where you’d left him. Best not to leave him unchecked for long – you could bicker with these boys all day, it wouldn’t win Nolan the final key. “Now, Parzival, where were we?” The teen stood on his feet, he had a couple of tricks left, he knew that – maybe back up would even arrive. In fact, he was sure that if he just swept you from the equation it wouldn’t be so hard to take out the other two. Parzival leant around you to regard the Cataclyst, half buried in snow. Maybe he could use that as leverage, Sorrento might not care about setting foot in here again, but he surely wanted control. He wasn’t sure you and the other one would be best pleased about the prospect of Zeroing out. You followed his eyeline, and in that split second where your concentration wasn’t on him, he darted forward; “Oh no, you don’t!” Nolan dodged to the side, which was kinda unhelpful, because he was a lot bigger than both of you so could probably have taken a decent hit with his Avatar no problem. But, sure, instead he was content to watch you scrap with a kid over the most destructive device in the OASIS. You dragged Parzival back across the ice, letting your wings do most of the (literal) heavy lifting. “Why are you making this so hard-!?” “I can’t give up!! Not for everyone that actually knows a damn thing about what this place stands for!” You laughed, dropping him and firmly positioning yourself between Nolan, the Cataclyst and him. “Trust me, you’re only seeing what you want to see about the OASIS. You’re only seeing what you want to see about Nolan too, but you’re also a man running out of time. You can leave, right now, you can stand down. Parzival you have choices.” “I’ll NEVER let the OASIS fall into the hands of IOI.” You weren’t exactly sure how he was going to get out of it, but if he wanted to continue to fight you, you were down with that. “Suit yourself, but when this ends – remember I gave you the choice.” He came at you again, and this time you knew the only option was to take him out. *** For just a moment you let yourself regard Parzival sympathetically. In all honestly you got it, why everyone had gathered here to stop IOI from swallowing up their favourite pastime. But their perspective was what they saw, IOI and its loyalty centres. Your husband, the face and the front of that. On any other given day, you’d be on the other side fighting him and you knew that. You were painfully aware of it. But you knew him; you knew you couldn’t change the company and Nolan needed the support of IOI to get to this point. Maybe Loyalty would go, maybe it would stay – maybe when he got what he wanted, you could persuade Nolan to do anything. But he needed this. For what the OASIS had done to his family, he needed this more than the kid standing in front of you. And that was your only thought. “Sorry, kid.” And you meant it as you delivered that final blow. Parzival zeroed. For him, the game was over. There was eerie silence for a minute and you looked to the floor, feeling solemn, folding your wings away again. That would weigh heavily on you for weeks, you knew. From across the field the two men watched you in disbelief. You had actually done it. IOI was guaranteed the win. After all that, Nolan Sorrento only had to clear the final challenge. “How is my wife more badass than me?” Nolan murmured, shaking his head slow. “Well I don’t really think it’s that hard-!” He glared at I-R0K momentarily, eyes sparking back to that gold, before you spoke up. “Leave.” “What?” You didn’t even look across to I-R0K, “Your job is done here and I want you gone.” “Are you kidding me!?” “Unless you want to zero out too.” Your eyes were harsh and cold, and despite the obvious grumble Nolan nudged his friend, nodding in agreement. “You got me this far, old friend… You’ll be well paid.” You received a glare, before he jabbed a finger at you, “Don’t you DARE mess this up-!” and with that, logged out of the game. Now alone, you regarded Nolan properly for the first time since you got here. You wanted to run to him, but you knew it wasn’t over. You still had to beat the challenge and get the key. “Where are you?” He spoke first. “Downstairs.” You gave a little nod, “Andrew with you?” “…Yes.” At least his security was there, that seemed important to you. Even if the fight was in the OASIS. “You came all the way here… for me?” You titled your head, Nolan already knew his own answer, it was his lack of belief that got you; “I couldn’t let you do this alone. Not after what I saw.” “Guess I should have let you come.” “Well…” You smiled gently, “I’m here for you now.” *** You both stood in front of the final problem, with you looking for a final solution. They had won it and still failed, that wasn’t the key. It had to be something so Halliday and so out there, that it was so obvious… that’s what made it so hard. Nolan was a little less patient with you; “So how do you beat it? If it’s not about... winning?” You looked up to him, with a raised eyebrow. How exactly was he going to run the OASIS again? Maybe you’d be best zeroing him and winning it all for yourself. “Boy, you still got a long way to go.” You nudged him gently with your elbow and went back to studying the game hard; “It’s the right game we know that - the ice broke after a minute for everything else except for this one. But winning can’t be the objective.” Then it clicked; “Oh-! Of course.” “Of course what?” He was still clueless. You were trying to imagine the OASIS full of all Nolan’s favourite pop culture references instead. You didn’t think you’d find yourself complaining at all the 90s/00s obscurities somehow. As long as he kept Tron – or it’d be divorce. Instead you pointed to the retro TV; “The whole damn competition is about Easter Eggs and this game... was the first one.” You picked up the controller with a smile, “It’s about finding the Easter Egg-! Literally!” Nolan tipped his head, curiously, as you continued to explain, “Warren Robinett hid his name on the start screen, sort of, back in a time when creators didn’t get shit for things they worked so hard on...” you nodded back towards Nolan, “Kinda think you’d know a little about that.” Glad it wouldn’t show up on his OASIS avatar, Nolan’s faced burned slightly at your mention of his Gregarious days. He didn’t have to say anything though, his eyes had a habit of changing colour to give away his emotions and they’d flicked back to gold. “So, you can beat it?” “If that’s the answer, yeah!” You gave a single confident nod, coupled with a gentle smile And for once he smiled too, one so beautifully genuine all you wished was that you were seeing it on his actual face; “You’re a star!” “Oh no.” You shook your head firmly; “Your Oologists found the game, they deserve the credit. They deserve a hell of a lot - let’s be honest here!” And you’d make sure they got it, you did always like checking in on the kids and asking them about their latest piece of Halliday trivia whenever you happened to be kicking around HQ. You swallowed hard; “Okay, Noe, lets just hope I’m right!” *** The gravitas of the moment demanded you to stare up at Halliday’s avatar with a certain level of respect. It felt too wrong to be right. But you knew the man you’d married, and hopefully this would give him just the opportunity needed to show more than only you who he really was. You bowed your head, before stepping forward to take the Crystal Key delicately as it was offered. Voice soft as you bit your lip. “Thank you…” As you did so, the ice before the both of you cracked, raising from it a door of the same gem stone. You hopped down from the podium and back across to your husband, who was staring at the door with the same type of hesitation. You noticed his hand was over his heart – because even in Nolan’s haptics he would be able to feel that wedding ring digging into his skin, transferred to his shirt pocket when he wasn’t wearing his jacket. You couldn’t help your little smile at how absentminded and soft it was. He wasn’t even thinking about the OASIS when he was sitting in his office doing that. “Is this really happening?” “Uh huh.” You looked to the door, “Let’s go see what’s really waiting on the other side.” “Y/N- Wait-!” But you were already jumping across the ice path towards it and Nolan had no choice than to follow you to the door. Three holes for the three keys; yours were his and you took a step back from him. But he was still hesitant. “What?” “After all this, I just can’t…” “Honey…” You took his hand and made him look back to you, “You’ve wanted this for five years.” You looked back to the final key in your hand, taking a deep breath, “This is what you came for.” “What if I do the wrong thing?” “I know you.” You held the Crystal Key out for him, “You won’t.” Nolan took it from you gently, opening his inventory for the other two, Copper, then Jade… before he looked back to the Crystal one and paused again. You wondered what was happening around you, mass cheering? Were people upset? Your focus was Nolan, everything else was drowned out. Everyone knew what the official line for the plan was. Could the man you loved go ahead with it, that was the question – even if it was only on your lips. You regarded him for a minute, key in one hand, your fingers laced with his other and you wondered if he would really go through with it. Nolan had long had issues with the OASIS; it was in part responsible for the death of his sister, and he also held the belief that people spent far too long escaping the problems of the real world here instead of facing the ones outside. Now he truly had the keys to the Kingdom - would Nolan Sorrento shut it all down? Would he monetise it? He pandered that one to board and shareholders alike, but could he really go through with such a thing? You didn’t like to guess that he could - but making it exclusive to those that could afford it wouldn’t solve his problem. Those that could afford it would be pivotal in fixing the world, after all.

Nolan glanced to you and exhaled, squeezing your hand a little tighter, he’d dreamt of shutting this down since he’d lost her. And that’s what he really talked to you about in the dead of night curled up in your arms when no one else could hear. He gave a firm nod and turned back towards the door “Okay. Let’s do this...” Then looked back to you, placing your avatar’s hand over his, “You got me here, Y/N. So I won’t do this without you.” You could feel yourself start to well up, you weren’t one for crying and usually you’d curse yourself. But this once you’d let them come. “Nolan…” I love you. I love you too. I love you SO much. He gave a nod of encouragement, and a gentle smile – you returned both. “On my count…”

Whatever came next, and whatever Nolan chose to do here - you’d do it together.

---

15/16! Woo hoo! We’re there! One more to go and we’ve done it!! 😁

Thank you for reading and enjoying these so much so far! Hopefully we’ll go out with a bang! 😉💙

[suddenlysackler]

For the Sake of Kindness (Nice to Meet You Series)

Paterson x Reader

Nice to Meet You: a series of one shots based off of this post. Previous installments can be found here:

Adam Sackler

Charlie Barber

TW: N/A

A/N: i’ve been on a Paterson kick recently and this gave me all the warm fuzzy feelings like he does. Thank you for reading!

...

It wasn’t that you were opposed to taking the bus over the Hudson to work every morning for a week, it just wasn’t...As convenient as driving to campus was. But it was necessary — the mechanic had found a host of issues with your beat up old Volkswagen during a routine inspection and had convinced you with a bit of coaxing to let them try and salvage it before you went to go buy a new one.

Of course, you knew they were sucking you dry, but you were so exasperated and tired after five hours spent at the garage in the mid September heat.

That was how you found yourself climbing onto a bus on a Monday morning, bright and early, to head into Manhattan and teach tired undergraduates about authors that had long since been gone, forgotten from the world and filed into the anonymity of history books, libraries, and syllabi. 

While you slip quarters into the fair box at the front of the bus, you glance up through your eyelashes to say good morning to the driver. The man you see has a kind face and he smiles when you offer him a soft hello. 

“Good morning.” He says, the baritone of his voice striking you right in the center of your chest and you can’t help the smile that creeps onto your face as you drop the last quarter.

Paterson can’t stop himself from smiling as you make your way back to find a vacant seat, a thin paperback in your right hand and your backpack in your left as you shuffle awkwardly down the narrow aisle. He can’t stop himself from thinking about you as he goes through the route, picking up and dropping off various people. He’s never seen you before — where could you be going? Were you new to town? What stop would you get off at? Would he see you again on one of his outbound trips later in the day?

The questions he asks himself and the little narratives he proposes about who you are and what your life is like distracts him from his normal activities. The people watching and making small talk and usual day dreams rooted in people’s conversations that he picks up that ultimately makes his way into the stanzas he scribbles into the tattered notebook that sits in his lunch pal and sometimes distracts him from his food.

He’s so absorbed in these questions he asks himself, in these little worlds he creates and erases and then creates again that he hardly notices the fact that your face changes from serenity to annoyance to confusion to panic for the remainder of the trip. He hardly even notices that you’re now frozen to your seat in the back of the bus when he pulls into the bus depot, the only rider still onboard after forty five minutes. 

When he stands to stretch and take a deep breath before pulling up to pick up more passengers, he catches it. The puffy, bloodshot eyes. The little sniffles that are now audible after he’s cut the engine. 

Paterson turns to look at you and his face is just as kind. You don’t detect any sort of judgement in his expression — he doesn’t look like he’s about to berate you for being on after he’d given his last call for everyone to clear out of the bus and he doesn’t look like the type of person to laugh in your face if you tell him the truth. If he cares to even know the truth.

“Are you okay?” He asks, that same baritone warming you up from head to toe.

You shake your head vigorously and Paterson immediately walks to the back of the bus after pulling the keys out of the ignition and storing them in his pocket for safe keeping. 

He takes a seat in the row in front of you, rests his arm over the back of the bench and twists to look at you. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“Talk about it?” You ask, the sound almost pathetic as the whimper that bubbles past your lips. “I’m just lost.” The admission is as embarrassing as it sounded in your head. A young woman well past the age of anybody really caring to ask whether or not she was lost. Well past the age that society might deem it appropriate to walk with your tail between your legs up to the bus driver and ask for help.

But Paterson doesn’t snicker, doesn’t roll his eyes or preach to you about the fact that you’re still in, well, Paterson. That you’re at the bus depot and that would probably solve most of your problems anyway if you bothered to check your phone or even the route map stationed at the payment turnstiles. 

He just nods empathetically. “You must be really nervous. I’m sorry you got lost.” He says sincerely. 

You blink once, twice, three times, completely taken aback by his demeanor. “Do you happen to know what bus I would need to take to get to Upper Manhattan?” You chance asking him, hoping that his initial kindness wouldn’t evaporate too quickly.

Paterson feels like he could melt right into the plastic of the seat he’s perched on, hanging on your every word as if you were Plato and whatever came out of your mouth might lead him to discovering the meaning of everything, as cliché as it sounded. 

“You’d take the 190, it picks up from the same stop you got on at.” He says, swallowing the growing lump in his throat that was so indicative of his sudden need to ask you every single question he’d thought of on the ride to the bus depot. The redness of his ears at his admission of knowing exactly where you got on is already a tell tale sign of the fact that he’s been thinking about you. “If you’re really in a hurry, I can give you some cash for a taxi.”

You resist the urge to balk at the man in front of you — you’d priced out multiple ride sharing services that morning in a last minute effort to avoid taking the bus to work and even with a set price it would cost over $50 to get to campus. “That’s so sweet of you.” You respond, shaking your head and giving him the most gracious smile you can muster. “But I can cancel my first class for the day if I’m really running that late. It’s okay.”

“Are you a teacher or something?” Paterson asks, standing and stretching just a bit. He knows he has to get going; he has a schedule to keep to and now you need to get somewhere too. 

“I’m a professor at Columbia University.” You shrug, sitting up a little bit straighter and sniffling, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hand. “I really do appreciate your help, thank you...” You continue on, hesitating when you don’t know how to address him.

He holds out a hand, then retracts it, then thinks better of it and holds his hand out again. “I’m Paterson, uh, Pat. Paterson.” He fumbles with his words, his cheeks starting to heat up as much as his ears had. 

You smile and take his hand, shaking it firmly. “Thank you, Paterson.” 

Paterson’s smile matches yours and it stays on his face as he makes his way back up to the driver’s seat. He’s a little surprised when he turns to buckle himself in and sees you right there next to him. “Is there something else you needed?”

You’re already fumbling with your wallet, trying to fish out the exact amount of quarters you would need. “Just paying my fare again.” You mumble, distracted as you count.

He shakes his head, putting his hand over the coin slot. “No need. It’s okay — you’ll need those to get onto your other bus. And you’ve got to take the subway, too, if you’re going to campus.”

When you glance up from your wallet his eyes are sparkling and he still wears that warm smile that could light up the world if he tried hard enough. “Thank you. Really, thank you.” You whisper, stomach flipping as you really looked at him for the first time. 

Instead of returning to your seat, you hold onto the pole closest to him and began to talk to him. He mostly asked about you — what you taught, how long you had been teaching, what your lesson plan would be for that day. His eyes lit up when you mentioned people like Allan Ginsberg and Ezra Pound and he mentions some of his favorite works of literature and poetry. Mentions a copy of Leaves of Grass that currently lays on his bedside table in his new apartment, the worn pages and cracked spine a lovely contrast to the modern design that still felt foreign to him. A house but not quite yet a home.

You liked talking to Paterson. The forty five minutes it takes to get you back to where you started fly by and you find yourself worrying your bottom lip and taking just a little bit longer to get off the bus than you would have under normal circumstances. You wished you could have spent the rest of the day talking to him, if you were being honest. 

“Thank you again, Paterson.” You say, stalling really as you stand with one foot on the pavement and one foot on the bus.

“Of course.” He nods and you can’t help the disappointment that rises in your chest when he doesn’t ask you for your name or a number or an address or even the building he could find your office in on campus. “Remember, the 190, outbound to Manhattan.”

“The 190.” You smile, stepping off and giving him a small wave. “Have a good day.”

He echoes your sentiment before shutting the doors and pulling away, sneaking glances of you in his rear view mirror. His palms are already itching and his mind is desperate for his lunch break so he can start writing about how the sun hits your face, how your voice is a melody that will surely be stuck in his head for days and days to come.

Naturally, he’s surprised when you climb onto his bus three days and seven whole notebook pages worth of writing later. You’re smiling brightly, even brighter than you had been when you had said your goodbyes on Monday, and you’re not carrying the backpack he’d watch you sling over your shoulder — you’re carrying a small blue envelope instead with writing on it that he can’t quite make out. He’d been hoping to see you again, catch a glimpse of you before you got on the 190 if you were taking the bus regularly. However, he’d all but resolved to never seeing you again, not wanting to cross any boundaries by looking for you in the university directory or asking whoever had been driving the 190 on a particular day if they had seen someone who looked like you.

“You sure you want to get on this bus?” Paterson asks as you drop a few quarters into the fair box, his smile playful.

“Oh I’m sure, Paterson. Pat.” Your smile is just as playful and as you slip your last quarter into the the slot, you wish him a good morning even sweeter than the one you’d offered on Monday before sitting down somewhere toward the front of the bus. 

At the next stop you stand and stretch, almost immediately standing to get off the bus. “Thank you.” You say, eyes glowing as you pass him the envelope. “This is for you.” 

You hop off of the bus without saying another word, without giving him a chance to try and give the envelope back. You just hope that he would open it.

Paterson’s hands have never been more unsteady and he’s never been so grateful to get to the bus depot forty five minutes later. He doesn’t stand to stretch after the last passenger gets off of the bus like he normally would. Instead, he shreds open the envelope with his name scribbled onto it in, in his humble opinion, the most beautiful handwriting he’s ever laid eyes on.

You’d slipped a simple thank you note into it with a five dollar gift card to one of the local coffee shops you frequented. Your words were kind and gracious and, on the bottom of the piece of card stock beneath your name, you had scribbled your phone number next to a request to get coffee sometime when he was off duty and could talk for longer than the first part of his bus route.

Your name tumbles past his lips over and over again and his index finger traces the words you’d written. Over your phone number and the suggestion of seeing him out of the realm of work. He can’t help the smile that stays on his face for the rest of his shift as he thinks about how he’ll call you tonight when he gets home, after dinner. How he’ll ask to see you Sunday when he’s finally off for a change and pick your brain about poetry and literature and writing. 

He thinks he might even chance asking to see you again after your coffee date, too. 

[therainroguefanfiction]

⍚ HaikWeek!! 2020 ⍚ Day 5 (Tobio Kageyama) Pawns

📑 Table of Contents | « Previous Day

Genre: Fluff, Friendship, School, Slice of Life

Word Count: 2,564

Pairing: Reader x Kageyama

World: Haikyuu!!

Prompt: Best Character Development & Patterns/Habits  

Author’s Note: Here is the next entry for @haikyuuweek2020​~ This fic is written from the perspective of the reader but it’s written as if they were speaking so instead of saying “you believed him” it would be “I believe him”. You’ll see the reason for this at the end of the fic ;)

━━━━━━༻⍚ 🏐 HaikWeek!! 2020 🏐 ⍚༺━━━━━━

I first met Kageyama-san in elementary school. He was quite an energetic child and got along well with the other kids. He was the cool kid that everyone wanted to play with and be friends with. The other children were always vying for his attention and he was happy to share it.

Even back then, he was quite sporty, always carrying around a volleyball and drinking a milk box. That was how the other kids tried to get into his good graces, they would bring him milk boxes. Perhaps that attributed to his current height. I am not too sure about this.

In elementary school, he was on a little league volleyball team called the Little Falcons. While they never played in official tournaments, they did well and Kageyama-san was always so happy whenever he was on the court. It was if there were no darkness in his world as soon as his feet stepped onto a volleyball court.

Back then, he was a bit of a class clown. He loved to make people laugh even if it was at the expense of himself. Because of this, he often found himself in trouble with Miko-sensei. His older sister would often scold him when she came to pick him up, but he would just smile and laugh it off as if it were no big deal to him.

His grades were not all that impressive, I remember. He had to get a tutor to make sure he did not fail and I believe this was because of his intense love for volleyball. It was all he wanted to do, what his heart most desired. I believe that is what first attracted me to him.

Even at a young age, he had so much drive. He knew exactly what he wanted in life and nothing would stop him, not even terrible grades.

When he entered junior high, he was excited to join the volleyball club at Kitagawa Daiichi. He wanted to be a setter and he was already quite skilled at this position. He was a natural on the court, as if it were meant just for him. It can be hard to express in words, but I will do my best.

When Kageyama-san stepped onto the court, it was if something magical was happening. His accuracy and precision were frighteningly on point and I recall overhearing the senpai talking about how he was a prodigy. This made sense to me as someone that had grown up watching his playing the sport. He most definitely was a prodigy, but he also put in the effort.

People believed that he was born with natural talent and that is how he got so far, but I find that hard to believe. I have seen the work he put in, tirelessly practicing every moment he could. Nothing else mattered to him.

Perhaps he heard these things said behind his back.

Perhaps the way Oikawa-senpai treated him affected him more than he was willing to let on.

Perhaps he truly did just lose his way.

I can not say for sure what caused his shift in demeanor, but I can say it started halfway through our second year at Kitagawa Daiichi. His demeanor started to shift, subtly at first, but by our third year, it became glaringly obvious that he had become a different person.

He was no longer that excitable kid that just wanted to play volleyball. He became determined to stay on the court even at the cost of his friends and teammates. The other students simply could not keep up with his accuracy and insane quick attack. Not for lack of trying, they tried very hard to keep up with him, but Kageyama-san was on another level entirely.

Eventually, they stopped trying. No one wanted to play with him because it was not fun for them. It was stressful and irritating. I would often hear the cruel things they said about him behind his back but I never felt like it was my place to speak up in his place. I regret this now, but dwelling on the past garners no results.

I worried that his new attitude would further isolate him from his peers, thus ruining any chance he once had of achieving his dreams, but I was just an observer. What was I meant to do? I did the only thing I knew I could – I kept my faith that Kageyama-san would once again find his way.

At this point in time, he was walking blindly through a long, dark tunnel, searching for any source of light to save himself. While it is my belief that the first speck of light came in the form of one boy from Yukigaoka junior high, I do not believe that this was enough to break through the darkness that had settled over him.

High school was another chance for Kageyama-san. I truly did believe that but I knew that he still had a long path laid out before him before he could dispel the inky blackness that had invaded his life.

The first thing he did was join the volleyball club. This gave me hope for several reasons – the first being the fact that the speck of light from Yukigaoka junior high was attending the same school and also planned to join the team. The second reason was because of my brother’s best friend, Daichi, who happened to be the captain.

Both of these people shined so brightly, rushed forward with such a fierce determination to achieve their own dreams and break through their own limits. Meeting these two men, along with the rest of Karasuno’s volleyball team, became the catalyst for Kageyama-san.

It took several months and he relapsed into his old habits on more than one occasion, but he has changed from that isolated king back in junior high and he is now a better person because of it. Though his grades remain poor, Kageyama-san gives his all to volleyball, to the Karasuno volleyball club.

He has regained the meaning of teamwork and has once again realized that volleyball is not a sport that can be played by one’s self. This makes me happy, because it would be a shame to see so much talent wasted.

I chose Kageyama-san for this project because I have watched him grow and change all of these years and, though he hit a rough patch in junior high, he has found the light at the end of the tunnel and broken out for all of the world to see.

He is not the lonely king anymore.

Kageyama-san is now a pawn, but that is not a bad thing for he is working together with the other pawns in order to take down those that stand in the way of their dreams. These pawns are protecting the king, who represents their dreams, and the queen, who represents the Karasuno volleyball club.

You looked up from the pages in your hand, looking out at the class as they stared at you with wide eyes. Even the teacher was surprised by the subject of your presentation, who sat at the back of the room looking like a deer in headlights, his face the shade of a tomato. No one knew what to say.

Amai-sensei cleared her throat, clapping her hands. “W-Well, thank you for sharing your project with us, Y/N-san. You were very thorough!”

“Thank you, sensei,” you murmured softly, bowing to her before returning to your seat. You could feel the other student’s eyes on you as you settled down, but you paid them no mind, stuffing your paper into your notebook before returning one of the earbuds into your ear, pressing play on your phone.

The class had been given an assignment exactly one week ago and it was fairly simple – choose someone that you thought had experienced major character development and explain this development. Most of the students chose fictional characters, people from history, or even family members, but you had chosen your classmate – Kageyama Tobio.

You had never spoken to this boy but you had known him since you were both kids, living in the same neighborhood. All throughout school, you managed to find yourself at the same schools and in the same classes with him, so you had witnessed his growth first hand.

When your brother, Aki, and his best friend, Daichi, found you in the kitchen one day working on said project, they tried to convince you to write about someone else. Not only were you putting personal information about the boy’s past on display for the whole class to see, they worried how others would view you.

More specifically, they worried about Kageyama’s reaction. He was known for his angry outbursts, after all, and since you had never interacted with him, they worried about your image. You weren’t the least bit bothered by the possible consequences, though. You thought Kageyama was an interesting boy and you felt proud of his accomplishments.

He had come so far and, even though he fell down along the way, he was able to climb back up and be a better person. In your opinion, it was an incredible story and you thought this could be a way to express your feelings to him. You put your heart and soul into the project and could only hope he realized that.

Your eyes slid over to him but he was slumped over in his seat, head lowered so that his bangs formed a shadow over his face. You could see his expression, but his body was tense. Had you really crossed a line?

When the final bell rang throughout the school, you added the second earbud, turning up the volume of your music before picking up your bag and exiting the classroom.

Because of how distracted you often got, a bad habit of yours that your brother tried to break, you had been forbidden from walking home alone so you always stayed behind after school, alternating between watching your brother play baseball and watching Daichi play volleyball. Today was Daichi’s day so you headed for the gymnasium.

You were just arriving when a large hand landed on your shoulder, tugging you backward. The earphone was ripped from your ear, coming to dangle down by your waist. Your eyes widened, snapping over to the person that had grabbed you. Kageyama stood there, huffing and puffing like an angry beaver, face twisted as if he needed to use the restroom.

Aki and Daichi always were telling you that you needed to pay more attention to your surroundings. Perhaps it was time to listen to them.

You shifted your weight, waiting for him to speak. His gaze had always been intense and piercing, you knew that after years of observing him, but it was on a whole nother level when it was directed right at you.

“Why the hell did you write your paper about me?” he demanded, trying to search your blank expression for any sign that might help answer his question.

You focused your gaze on a line of ants that were slowly making their way across the pavement. Eye contact had never been something you enjoyed or were good at maintaining. “I-Is it not obvious?”

“Of course not, that’s why I’m asking!”

“Oh,” you frowned, fingers tugging at the loose thread on your bag’s strap. You had been hoping your feelings would reach him through the assignment and you felt a bit upset that you had failed to properly express yourself. Feelings were hard, after all.

Kageyama felt his eye twitch. Oh – was that really all you had to say? Why were you so nonchalant? With the monotone expression you wore, it was impossible for him to get a read on what you were feeling or thinking.

It had always been that way ever since the two of you were kids. Back then he had been intimidated by your blank face. It didn’t help that the other kids claimed that you were a witch and would curse him if he upset you. Of course, being a kid at the time, he believed this whole-heartedly and some part of that stuck with him all of these years.

“I apologize if I have upset you, Kageyama-san. That was not my intention.” The words sounded sincere but he had trouble fully believing them when you spoke in such a deadpan voice. “If it will make you feel better, I will ask sensei to give me a failing grade. Good day.”

His eye twitched, mouth falling open as you gave him a soft bow before turning back around and continuing on your way. Shaking his head, he rushed forward, using his body to block you from going forward. “That’s not – I don’t – I mean – ugh!”

Your lips tugged downward at his obvious frustration, eyes turning down toward his shoes. “My brother often tells me that I have no sense when it comes to people… he warned me that you would be upset, but I chose not to listen. Please forgive me.”

“S-Stop apologizing,” he muttered, feeling his cheeks heating up for a reason he couldn’t quite determine. He tried to hide this behind his fist as he looked off to the side, not that you had your gaze on him to begin with. “Just tell me why you wrote that about me.”

“Because… I think you’re amazing, Kageyama-san.” It was subtle, but he picked up on how your voice lightened just the tiniest bit. “I really admire you and, in a way, I was trying to show you my admiration and support.”

“W-Why didn’t you just tell me then, idiot?” He put his hand over his heart, feeling it race beneath his palm. His body was starting to lose its composure and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“Oh,” your eyes widened a fraction, finally lifting to meet his own. You looked confused, as if that thought hadn’t occurred to you.

He wanted to facepalm so badly, but he thought you were so cute the way you were looking at him as if he had just turned the light on in a dark room. Swallowing down his nerves, he forced himself to hold your gaze. “I… thank you. What you said… I really appreciate it.”

You tilted your head. “I thought you were mad?”

Kageyama quickly shook his head. “No! I was just… confused.”

“I see,” you shifted your weight, mulling over your next words. “Would it be possible… can we be friends, Kageyama-san?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, feeling a new round of heat rushing to his cheeks. He only hoped you didn’t notice. “I’d like that, Y/N-san.”

Faint as it was, he noticed the soft tilt of your lips as you smiled, his eyes widening like saucers. You were already a really attractive person but when you smiled, it was a whole new level of attractiveness. He was positive his heart stopped at that moment and he clutched the pole beside him, his body shaking.

Your smile instantly dropped, hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Are you feeling sick?”

“I-I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Your face is awfully red.”

“I said I’m f-fine! I just… need a moment.”

“Okay,” you offered him a small nod before continuing toward the gym, unaware of his eyes following you, shimmering with warmth.

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