#i should probs make my own play tag for this instead of the main one but i'll figure that out if i make more posts like this. anyway

[dangoulains-devotion]

[aclosetfan]

For the Salty asks: 1, 3, 5 and 6?

Thanks so much for playing along! Ima be real with you 2 out of the 4 questions you asked really opened up a can of worms for me, and I’m so sorry. I put the less stressful ones first, and the other two are under the cut! Anyway, these were super fun to answer, but plz don’t hate me for it!! 😂😂

for anyone wondering, here’s the ask list: Salty Asks List 

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

lmao yeah. It’s petty, but honestly, people’s personal morals really bleed through into their fandom opinions, and I’m not willing to put up with any unnecessary hate, especially in environments that are supposed to be fun. I’ve even blocked a few people. In the ppg fandom specifically, I’ve blocked a person who, I guess, thought it was necessary to try to gate-keep with racist/sexist/etc. terminology and ideologies, and I truly don’t have time for that 🤷‍♀️ (a lot of people probs know who I’m vaguing, but if you don’t, you’re lucky)

I can’t say I’ve ever unfollowed anyone for any innocent/not-in-conflict-with-my-morals fandom opinions. Usually, if I don’t agree with something, I just keep scrolling because lol whatever. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.

but ngl I have unfollowed people who just get annoying 😬😬 lol

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

I went into this fandom without having too many preferences, so I didn’t have a pairing that I’ve previously hated!

I guess I could say that while I never really hated them, the color-mixing and color-clashing ships weren’t ever on my radar until I came across the fandom content. Now, I really like them! Particularly, Brick and Bubbles!

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

Before anyone gets pissed off at me, before you get into my answer for this question, I’d like to really stress that you’ve got to go into it with absolutely zero fanon context. Like, erase all your headcanons from your mind. I’m dead serious. Because I literally DO NOT get why ANY rrbxppg ship would realistically work ever.

Okay, canonically, these six little funky science experiments were dead set on ending each other. The boys were absolutely horrible to the girls. And the girls literally KILL the boys. I know in fairytale romances, nothing stops love, but bruh, it’s hard to come back from murder 😂 And yeah, I know Clipsville showed the girls and the boys together as older teenagers, and they weren’t trying to kill each other, but that was an obvious gag. In the documentary, it was revealed that that particular “clip” was made because a bunch of people wanted the boys and girls to interact again, and CN gave into the demand. (also, lol I know it super embarrassing, but I did watch the documentary. I just really like Craig McCracken) I just don’t think that realistically a canon pairing between the two sets of triplets would ever be considered a healthy relationship. 

Also, ethically, I just—okay listen, I go back and forth with this allllll the time, but the ppgxrrb ships make me confront the “Would I sleep with my clone?” question way too often. Depending on my self-esteem, the answer changes each time. Like sometimes I’m like fuck yeah I would! Other times I’m like, ew, no, I’d have to consider my clone as a twin! I know counterparts aren’t technically clones, BUT the boys really do come across as identical to the girls in the show. The only difference really is their moral alignment (I’m nixing any gender argument). So, I’m like, omg, can I honestly pair these six together in any way??? Are they too close to each other genetically in some sense for this to be morally right??? Like if you ship Brick and Buttercup together, would that just essentially be shipping Brick and Butch/Blossom and Buttercup together in some messed up way??? Is Brick just Blossom, and Blossom just Brick?? Is it better just to ship color-matching instead of mixing???  

On top of all of that, wouldn’t the boys and girls be pseudo cousins since Mojo was the Professor’s lab monkey? Technically, in canon, Mojo ends up being both sets of triplets “creator,” so could the rrb and the ppg be considered siblings of some sort? Some of you are probably like, wow, calm down. Stop thinking about it. They’re science experiments. It’s not so deep. Which I get, but I can’t stop, so let me hit you with something ten times worse: should the girls (or the boys) actually be considered biological siblings? Does sugar, spice, and everything nice make you genetically related? Nothing put in the stirring pot was organic—just a bunch of chemicals. If you ship the boys and girls together this could be a good thing! BUT, but, could some sick fuck use this information to somehow justify shipping siblings (ppgxppg or rrbxrrb) together??? This is a literal nightmare to think about!!

All in all, I can’t think about these pairings too much without getting caught up in the logistics of their existence even if they’re fictional lmaoooo! If it wasn’t for the fandom, I wouldn’t ship them together at all. I just think it’s amazing that the ships took off like they did lol, because their literal (fictional) existence is just one giant mind fuck for me. Anyway, I ship them at the end of the day, but tbh I do it with a bit of a guilty conscience. Is it morally correct to ship clone-like counterparts? Or should counterparts be treated like twins? Does it even fucking matter at the end of the day, it’s just fiction? I don’t know the right answer. But I do know the pairings don’t make sense. 

Aside from the ppgxrrb, I don’t think there are many other BIG fandom wide pairings. Still, I just want to say that I don’t get why people ship Ace and Buttercup together. The pairing sounds off a few major alarms in my head for obvious reasons. There’s also a bunch of crack ships that involve crossovers with other cartoons. Generally, I don’t mind them, but it seems popular to ship Aku (from Samurai Jack) and Blossom together. And I’m real sorry to those devoted shippers, but again I do NOT get it. I see a lot of romantic fan art depicting romantic situations with Blossom still drawn as a child, and like I get Aku is an immortal demon, so “age is just a number,” but again, BIG ALARMS go off in my head.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*

🙃 🙃 Kind of don’t want to answer this, but I will anyway because only a few people actually read my blog lolol, so lol, yep! And it’s the reds. Don’t shoot me lol. When I was in middle school, I got into this fandom, forgot about it, and then came back when I was hit by a round of nostalgia. I’m finishing up college now, and I can confidentially say that the fanon content for the reds hasn’t changed one bit. Or the demand for it.

I tended to find that a lot of red content follows many archetypes that I’m just not into. Their stories can get a real cringey, real fast. Blossom is always written like this “perfect, except she’s not (but she really is)” character. Like she’s the girl you WISH you could be, but she’s also going through a shit ton of stuff that no person IRL would be able to handle without having a mental breakdown. And sometimes, in some stories, Blossom does have a mental breakdown, but in a sexy way, so she’s still perfect. Generally, there’s still something problematic about Blossom that makes it easy for a reader to relate to her on some level, unlike the way people write Bubbles. And then there’s Brick, who’s broody, hyper-possessive or jealous, and hot figuratively and literally (gotta love the fire/ice trope). He’s the only boy—no! Wait!—the only person who could ever possibly outwit Blossom, and he is just so undeniably attracted to Blossom. They’re the smart power couple that should honestly just hook-up in Chapter One to save everybody time, but they don’t. Nah, they’ve got to survive at least two love triangles before they even consider admitting they’re attracted to each other.  

And don’t get me wrong, none of that’s bad, but there are a million fanfics that go through the same song and dance with these two. And it’s kind of easy to tell when someone’s hardcore projecting onto Blossom because the type of person they’re personally attracted to is the way they write Brick. And I’m not knocking anyone self-projecting onto characters, sometimes people got to do that to give themselves a fun mental break, but bro, I don’t want to read about it. For one, smart broody assholes aren’t my type. Maybe when I was in middle school, but not anymore. And two, it’s just not interesting to me, which is a real shame since the reds are a majority of the fanon content.

Maybe if I found more red stories where the plot isn’t character-driven but plot-driven, so I see the romance between these two characters in a context where it’s not the main focus of the story, it would solve my issue with the pairing. I haven’t found many fics like that, though.

I can’t really think of any reds fic where I’m like ey, this aint bad unless it has a “major character death” tag attached to it lmao (which are always plot driven stories). However, in all honesty, since I’ve stayed away from red content for a while now, I don’t know the current state of things. Maybe there’s been a load more development for these two, or people have broken away from the same plotlines, but I’m too busy to check. I do browse people’s fic rec lists from time to time, but it sort of feels like everyone just puts the same fics on their lists and moves on.

And before someone’s like, “well, you can say all this about the greens or the blues,” just know I’m fully aware. The greens make me cringe too because there’s a shit ton of possessive and abusive storylines filling their story tags. And what makes me super uncomfortable is how people make Buttercup hit Butch or call him derogatory names, oftentimes unprompted. I don’t know why people make Buttercup such an unlikeable and overly aggressive person. I also don’t get why they make Butch some perverted idiot, but to each their own, I guess? Still, I see these green-character patterns most often in red-focused stories, which is another reason why I avoid them. I’ve found a lot of green-focused content that strays from the abusive tropes I try to avoid. Considerably less than I’d like, but the greens are typically the b-plot pairing, so that’s to be expected. Personally, I’d really like to see more content with the greens finding some kind of inner peace, and recently, I’ve seen a few fics that have tried to tackle this concept.

And lol, if you’ve read some of my posts before, you already know that I think the blues are an underdeveloped fanon pairing. The fandom can’t ruin that pairing for me because it never does anything substantial with it.  

Anyway, at the end of the day, I’m just personally not into the way the reds are popularly written, but I get why people are and that’s good with me. 

[jasontoddiefor]

Title: Sea shells and all the things he left behind

Summary: Dick Grayson didn’t go to the beach. He didn’t watch any ocean documentaries, he didn’t talk about his childhood and he most certainly did not work with the mers at Blüdhaven’s Ocean Life Rehabilitation center. And then they brought in a kid clinging to an injured mer and Dick was 9 years old again and drowning.

AN: @thursday-batfam-prompts Prompt 7: Mermaid/Siren. Inspired by Gifts From the Sea.” Please go read that story!!

Dick already knew it was going to be a bad day when he got up. His back hurt and his throat itched and he had the taste of seawater on his tongue, though maybe that was just residue from his tears. Dick couldn’t recall what he had dreamed, but when he closed his eyes, orange flashed in front of his vision.

It was better if he didn’t remember.

Dick contemplated staying home sick, playing catch up with another happy kids’ show he had missed out on when he noticed his phone vibrating. It was nothing new for Dick to wake up to a hundred messages or more - the benefits of being friends with a lot of people who kept odd hours.

To his surprise though, it wasn’t the Titanic Idiots group chat blowing up his phone, just Wally. He was getting a new message every second - either Wally was taking his break way too early or they had an emergency at work.

Dick’s shift didn’t even start until twelve and it was what - nine in the morning?

Instead of bothering with reading through all of the messages, he just called Wally. The phone rang only once and his friend already answered.

“Dick! Holy fuck, you need to get your ass here like immediately we’re way too understaffed and nobody knows what we’re supposed to be doing Roy already called up OLRC main office this is why you don’t let a bunch of volunteers and marine life bachelors work on their own without any superior supervision of you know the people who have actually been trained to deal with-”

“Wally. Breathe. Calm down. What’s going on?”

Dick could hear Wally take a few deep breaths before he continued speaking, only a bit slower than before. At least Dick could make out where a sentence started and where it ended.

“We’ve got an emergency. A kid showed up with an unidentified and severely injured mer today. We think it’s a mermaid, but it doesn’t have a tag from what we can tell, and it’s super hostile, well as hostile as mermaids get given they’re the shiest mers, so we can’t get near it. The kid won’t speak either and separating the two already probably broke Donna’s arm. We need some more manpower here.”

Dick couldn’t wait to eat breakfast. Nutella, marmalade, honey - whatever would get rid off the salty taste on his tongue.

“Wally, I don’t work with the mers, you know that.”

“Yes, Dick, and I’m sorry, but you’re the only guy we’ve got.”

Somehow Wally managed to ooze his frustration and worry over the phone. “Please, Dick. You can look after the kid in the meanwhile and I can help check on the mer, but we need someone here.”

Dick’s premonition proved to be true. He should have just stayed in bed. He marched into the direction of his wardrobe, checking if he still had any clean clothes left.

“Give me thirty minutes to get dressed and grab breakfast and I’ll be there.”

“Thank you so, so much. I owe you.”

Wally’s evident relief made Dick smile. The redhead was Dick’s oldest friend. He had helped Dick find his place in a world he hardly understood, willingly shared a dorm with the resident weird kid and had managed to get Dick this summer job in-between college classes, if anything, Dick owed him.

“No prob, Wally,” Dick replied and ended the call.

He quickly grabbed an old pair of jeans and a shirt he was pretty sure was one of Roy’s hand-me-downs. Their small kitchen was always stuffed full due to Wally’s metabolic disorder, so it didn’t take much time to find something sugary and eatable that would still fill him up and prepare him for the stress that was to come.

Twenty minutes later, he was standing in front of Blüdhaven’s Ocean Life Rehabilitation Center. Dick didn’t even study marine biology. He was taking theatre classes, set on his goal to be as far away from the ocean as he could possibly be.

Yeah, that had turned out exactly like planned.

Not trusting himself to not stall any longer, Dick stepped into the strangely deserted building and headed straight to the part where they kept the mers. Before he could even reach the actual aquarium though, Wally already caught him.

His friend looked way too tired for someone who started his shift two hours ago. He stood right next to a couple boxes, his right hand holding an energy drink while his left was occupied with a donut.

“Dick!” Wally exclaimed and quickly swallowed the food in his mouth. “You’re here!”

Dick just rolled his eyes and focused on everything but his stomachs doing flips. “You did ask me to come. So where’s the kid?”

“In the office right here,” Wally said and pointed at the closed door behind him. “The kid’s not speaking at all. We’ve tried every language we’ve got between all of us, even some clumsy ASL, but the kid won’t react. Wouldn’t even look us in the eyes. And since he still has a knife, we don’t want to surprise him. CPS has already been notified, but they’re overrun as always and won’t come until the afternoon, but maybe you can get him to talk? You’re great with kids.”

That was an exaggeration. Dick was good with kids because he could keep them entertained and tell them the stories that captivated them. Generally speaking, that included kids up to age twelve. Everyone above that? Nope, not Dick’s age group.

Dick sighed. “I mean, I can try. Just don’t expect much, alright?”

Wally smiled, exhausted, but as bright as always. “I’m not expecting a miracle, Boy Wonder. Let me just finish and I’ll introduce you. If he doesn’t start screaming on sight seeing the terrible bags under your eyes-”

“And whose fault are they?”

“- then I’ll leave you two and look after the mer.”

Wally inhaled the remains of his snack and wiped his mouth clean on his jacket. Then he slowly opened the door.

The office had been pretty much emptied. Dick recalled that this was Dinah’s office/private break room, but she was on vacation until the end of the month. All of her belongings must be in the boxes.

When Dick and Wally entered the room and the kid looked up, measuring him. The boy had dark hair and his skin was quite pale by comparison. His blue eyes were sharp, evaluating. He definitely wasn’t keeping silent because of shock then.

The boy was dressed almost normally, aside from the old blood sticking to his hoodie. He wore jeans that had obviously been wet in the past hours. No wonder if he had shown up with a mer - Dick should have asked Wally how that had gone down.

“Hey, kiddo,” Wally said. “This is my friend Dick. He’ll stay here with you now if that’s alright?”

The kid didn’t react. He kept staring at Dick and playing around with his knife and the cord of his necklace. Dick studied it and almost took a step back when he realized what he was looking at.

Shark teeth, dark black scales, corals, fish bones, and two shells.

The necklace was identical to the one Dick had stuffed in the darkest corner of his dresser, except Dick’s had seven shells more, one for each year he had survived. Dick had almost thrown it out in anger multiple times, but in the end, he’d always kept it and felt guilty for even thinking of destroying it.

Suddenly, the puzzle pieces slotted together smoothly.

Dick had grown up multilingual until his parents had died. And then, after, he’d spoken only some English. His primary language had been his adopted father’s language made up of clicks and snarls.

“Who are you?” Dick asked, his throat almost hurting from the sounds, and finally, the boy paid attention.

His expression was a stunned one, like Dick’s question had torn down a wall so high you couldn’t even imagine anything lingering behind it.

While Wally looked at Dick like he was crazy, the kid already had tears forming in his eyes.

“You speak!” The kid still had a strong English accent, he couldn’t have been learning to speak for long.

“I was taught, like you,” Dick replied. “What are you doing here.”

“You speak,” the kid only repeated, hope almost choking him. “You’re human and you speak! You’re eldest-who-can-fly-on-land.”

Now it was Dick’s turn to be stunned while the kid started crying for real.

“You’ve got to help us. He’d got hurt badly after missed-love-bright-as-the-sun died and then venom-in-his-blood came and he said not to come but I didn’t know who else to turn to-”

“He-” Dick’s eyes went wide and he jumped up. “Come with me, now.”

“Dick, what the hell is going on?” Wally shouted as Dick turned into the other direction and leaped into a sprint.

He and the kid quickly followed him, but all Dick could think of that they were going to be too late, that he wasn’t going to make it-

“Dick, what are you doing!?”

“Siren!” Dick shouted back. “The mer is a siren, not a mermaid!”

Behind him, Dick could hear Wally starting to curse. None of the people on shift were actually experienced in handling anything above a selkie. And if the kid was as close to Bruce at the necklace suggested, then he wouldn’t just stop at a broken arm, no matter how injured he was.

Dick pretty much kicked the door to the aquarium open, and not a minute too late. Roy had just fallen into the water and a massive dark body was pulling at his clothes while the others desperately tried to reach for him.

Why had nobody broken the cabinet with the tranquilizers?

Dick didn’t hesitate, he didn’t even bother to kick off his shoes or get rid off his jacket, he just jumped right into the water, followed by the hysteric sounds of his friends.

“Where is my son!?”

The water engulfed him and Dick is seventeen and leaving the next, fifteen and on the surface for the first time in years, thirteen and complaining he’s slower than Kori and Babs, eleven and falling asleep on scales, nine years old and drowning alongside his parents, except he got saved by-

“Bruce!”

The siren suddenly let go of Roy, who struggled to get back to the surface and just stared at Dick like he couldn’t quite believe he was there.

“Dick,” Bruce said. “My eldest-who-can-fly.”

The name Bruce had given him when he’d taken Dick into his family had changed. Somehow that was still what caught him off-guard the most.

Dick had left screaming, spitting poison, but he was the-eldest now, not the-reject-who-left though that opened a whole other can of worms.

Bruce looked less like the predator he had just moments before. His eyes were still dark and cat-like, and his massive black tail with razor-sharp fins lingered in the deep of the pool. He had more scars than years ago, never mind the many festering lacerations they needed to take care off as soon as possible.

But Bruce’s expression was made up of terrified hopefulness. Dick was glad he didn’t have a mirror. He didn’t want to know what face he was making, but going by the sound of roaring waves in his ears, he was close to heartbreak as well.

“Hi, Dad.”

The words were much too weak for what he wanted to say but-

They’d have to be enough for now. 

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

@moldygreenblue (tumblr why are you always like this? ;w; lemme tag) 

I believe I went off on her a little before (outside her dungeon, x) Anyway Futaba’s there for a number of reasons:

 I hate her dungeon, her shadow, just her whole arc from a lore perspective. The rules are broken....no...shattered for her, not just P5′s rules but previous games’ rules. (I think I mentioned it in these posts x, x, x, btw these are all pre Royal.....Atlus probs saw a post about it and was like “we need to add doubts in Royal maybe now it’ll make sense!” srry boo but she says it’s no her mom and her cognition should reflect that right away you still messed up, also too little too late).

I’m pretty sure I remember talking about how I do no think she is a good representation of mental illness, she basically is cured with the “power of friendship” after a week (of being conscious), and they only use her lingering issues when they need it for plot reasons (on top of the fact iirc the writing between main story and CoOp is contradictory, iirc she’s like “MC you’re the one who saved me! I can only go out if I’m with YOU!” and then the next day of one of my playthroughs Yusuke literally picks her up and she’s like “oh I’m fine now, and it’s thanks to EVERYONE!” and it’s just....pandering for a romance in that CoOp). It pisses me off she’s the rep for mental illness. 

She takes up too much screen time, and it feels like a lot of actual issues/obstacles we could just....overcome is instead made so we NEED to use her (I’m looking at you dungeon 3 of PQ2, you can suck it, Fuuka should’ve been the focus, literally makes no sense for Futaba to be the focus????) 

Ties into point 1 but still deserves it’s own point. I hate how she’s like “THEY STOLE MY HEART! THEY CHANGED MY COGNITION!” but....we didn’t.......we literally didn’t. Did we help/save her with our intervention? Yes, but it’s not cause it was supernatural, we just showed up for her. Did WE solve her issue supernaturally.....no....not really, we didn’t get a chance (remember how....there was no treasure! oOo yeah we go into her Palace, but that’s not really changing her, it’s us going in irl and being like “yo ya gotta go outside! get that sunny D!” than us screwing with her dungeon). She solved it herself, Yaldy gave her the app, she ran into her Shadow, she accepted her Shadow, she solved it on her own. Not only is it a straight up lie, and conflating someone changing their mind/”heart” with the PT way of changing hearts (as well as the fact you know....we didn’t change her cognition, she did), but it also reduces her own involvement in her own healing process and overcoming the obstacle herself. We were just the spark, the rest of the flame emerged from Futaba. Like listen, the IRL stuff we did was important, but when it came down to the wire, it was her own memory and faith in herself and her mom that helped her confront herself and her false memories (because y’know...she couldn’t hear us). And it pisses me off that the writers would take something important to a character and her message, away for some bullshit reason.

I dunno some times she acted like an ass and it was just annoying, I already had Makoto/Yusuke/Goro/MC(even Mona/Ryu at times, to other’s not each other, obvie they do it to each other) kinda getting away(or have gotten away) with that without much reprimanding. (and tbh, anything that could possibly be redeemable, is either nonexistent, or overshadowed by the fact she’s mostly just there for her be connected to a literal mother of a plot device, no her hacking isn’t needed you have superpowers and another world WHY do you need to rely on her????literally states in the first dungeon you can’t use a phone camera in the metaverse even, but for some reason a laptop is fully working?????I know one is part of the phone and the other is a comp but it’s our only tech we know/can relate back to, so what does it mean Atlus? Is the comp allowed but the phone isn’t? Why? Just explain. Here’s one I just made up for you: Phone has to have the app open at all times in the metaverse! Or, actually no tech works well in the Metaverse, which means no laptop, one or the other choose please)

Oh she kinda screws us over, until we joined we didn’t have any connections to doing anything illegal. Yeah she throws that out the window. I mean we can always sell her out, but we are her enablers/accomplices.

Someone I know who was studying hacking at the time (for their work) was like “she’s kind of pulling that shit outta her ass.” And it hurt them to watch any of her scenes play out (I think the wire tap was the one thing she got a pass on tho). It doesn’t help it’s not really explained enough (so they can see if it’s plausible). To them it’s cringe, to me it shows convenience for the story (obvie I care more about how it hinders the story skadlfj;alfj and if it’s like they say, it annoys me even more). 

Spinoff wise I hate how she tries to grope Anne and Makoto in P5D, and I hate how she takes up a shit load of screen time in PQ2 (I don’t care Hikari is a shut in, gdi Fuuka earned that spotlight in dungeon 3, it makes no sense why Futaba would do it, hell Fuuka should’ve been chiming in due to her knowing what it’s like to be bullied, same with Rise iirc she was also bullied, like god damn, PQ2 really went “We’re gonna give all the screen time to P5 kids even tho they won’t really do jack shit with most of it, and just have P3/4 kids chime in enough to remember they exist”) 

Basically I don’t like what she brings to the table, esp since the game makes us rely on her. She doesn’t spark the exact same amount of rage that Makoto does (tho if you saw me my last playthrough during Futaba’s dungeon I’d say it’s pretty close), but it does feel insulting from a long time fan/lore fiend/just a freaking viewer trying to consume the medium that’s seeing there’s some toxic stuff in her writing (and I don’t mean “toxic” I mean “it’s really bad to freaking think that friends will fix your mental health, it won’t, and it’s unfair to you and your friends to even think of putting that onto them” bad levels of thinking). 

I also find she’s a wasted opportunity, such as “oh what if we solved this mental illness with supernatural means? what could possibly go wrong? Esp with how drastic the change is for other people we’ve done it to! :D” *cough* *cough* If only they figured out that’d be kinda interesting *cough**cough* Oh mean what a violet coughing fit, I mean violent.... >.> *in a bad canadian accent* I really need soome air eh?..........8U ANYWAY, the biggest role she serves (besides spotlight stealing to justify having a hacker), is a connection to her mom and showcasing that even “good people” can have palaces.....sadly the latter seems to fall on deaf ears on even fans of this game.....and the writers/characters. So uhhhh good job failing at the latter (for awhile at least), and uhhh....we could just NOT have the former! I think the gov could be shady without them also getting in on supernatural stuff but that’s just me. 030

[langdvnshepherd]

Headcanons: Being pregnant with Duncan Shepherd’s baby (Duncan Shepherd x fem!reader)

Word count: 3.4k (let’s just say I got a lil carried away)

Warnings: fem!reader, pregnancy, morning sickness, mentions of smut, breeding/pregnancy kink, childbirth, lil bit of angst, tons of fluff

A/N: Hello everyone this is the first thing I have ever written, like ever. I am a hoe for domesticity, so this was obviously my first choice. If you have a second, please let me know what you think! I’ve only recently made a blog after months of stalking the tags on my main blog, so I’d love it if you guys can give me any feedback on whether or not this is any good lol. Also, not that anyone would...but if you guys ever want me to write anything I will GLADLY do so I am at home bored most of the time so.......let a hoe kno!

Let’s be honest, the baby is NOT planned in any way, shape, or form

Never in Duncan’s life did he see himself having kids

He always saw himself as the type of guy that would work at his family’s company and sleep around with hot girls until he died

Until he met you

You worked for a media company in D.C. that sent you to an event for The Shepherd Foundation very much against your will

He saw you sitting at the bar keeping to yourself and thought you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen

He made it his goal to see that you went home with him at the end of the night

But you weren’t giving into his flirting as easily as he’d hoped 

That boy tried literally everything in the book to turn you to putty in his hands, but you weren’t buying any of it

You played along with his unapologetic attempts to woo you, letting him think it was working

(It lowkey was definitely working, but you knew better than to get involved with Duncan Shepherd of all people)

You curved his ass right as he leaned in to kiss you

Turning your head away from his that was slowly moving in on yours to whisper in his ear

“It’s late, I should probably get going. See you around?” with the biggest shit-eating grin you could muster

Duncan’s face was immediately bright red

He had never been so turned on in his life at a woman playing him the way you did

He sought you out at every event he goes to after that

You’d give him a flirty wave or raise of your glass to him from across the room the next few times you saw him, always meeting up eventually to taunt each other again and again

After a torturous game of cat-and-mouse you finally went home with him one night and had the hottest sex of your entire life

He wrecked your shit

We’re talking zipper on the back of your dress is destroyed, bruises on your hips, hickeys on your boobs, you had a slight limp for a day or two

Duncan teased you as you hopped out of his bed and winced as your legs made their way across his room to grab your clothes

Since your dress was basically in two pieces after Duncan ripped it off of your body the night before, he insisted that you go home in one of his t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants

“Gives me an excuse to see you again when you return them, right?”

You only intended it to be a one-off thing, but you found yourself thinking about him often

What it would be like to wake up next to him every day

What it would feel like to have his arm around you in public

If you two ever had kids, what would they look like?

Duncan also quickly realized that he liked you more than just for sex, which scared him

As we have discussed, the boy is only known for a quick fuck and not an actual relationship

After a handful of bootycalls, you agreed to start seeing each other more frequently 

Definitely still for sex, but occasionally just for dinner or to watch a movie at each other’s place

It took months of casual sleepovers and you each having your own drawer at each other’s apartment to come to the agreement that you were officially dating

Before you knew it, you’d been together for 5 years and couldn’t picture your lives without each other

The day you both find out you’re pregnant, he finds you in your bedroom pacing up and down the floor

Immediately knows something is wrong but you won’t give in and tell him what’s up

You finally responded to his pleading by gesturing to the bathroom with a tilt of your head – too afraid to say the words out loud just yet

Poor buddy probably had to sit down when he sees the test sitting on the counter

“What are we gonna do?”

“I have no fucking clue.” your voice barely above a whisper

You two were practically married at this point after being together for so long

Neither of you could see yourselves with anyone else

But you still had goals, both in life and in your careers

Sure, babies were bound to come

They just weren’t something either of you would have even considered for at least a few more years

Is still extremely supportive and lets you know he wants whatever you want

In all honesty, you couldn’t really think of a valid reason to not keep the baby

You still had some things you wanted to get done before settling down and having kids, but you loved Duncan and knew that he was it for you

You’d always assumed you’d have kids eventually, so having them early was just a small hiccup

But on the other hand, you two hadn’t talked about having kids apart from passing comments when you gushed over a cute baby that passed by on the street

You weren’t sure if Duncan was ready, but you knew that you could be if you had to be

Swallows hard when you tell him you want to keep it, not because he doesn’t want the baby, but because he knows his life is about to go through some big changes

Holds you close and kisses the top of your head

“I love you, okay? Whatever happens, we’re gonna be okay.”

He didn’t really know if it would be, but he loves you too much to have to think about you worrying

Looking back, that little moment in your shared bathroom was one that you both would never forget

He’s very hesitant at first but quickly warms up to the idea of having a baby with you

In th beginning, he’d grow kinda distant

He wouldn’t know how to act around you now knowing that you’re pregnant

It wouldn’t be anything too dramatic, just a few awkward silences here and there when he isn’t sure what to say or do

You two usually have a glass of wine at dinner and as he’s offering it to you he pauses in his tracks and is just like “…..Oh, right. I forgot. Never mind.” giving you a small, playful smile, but it reeked of sarcasm and somewhat of disdain

He probably makes excuses to not have sex because he doesn’t want to think about there being a baby inside of you while he’s pounding you into the mattress

He’d think you wouldn’t notice his reluctance but you would

It bothers you

Makes you second guess your decision

You were deadset at this point on keeping the baby, so maybe being with Duncan wasn’t going to work out

You bite your tongue though

You trusted that Duncan would come to you if he was ever doubting staying with you through the pregnancy

But those dark thoughts haunted you in the quiet of the night

Avoids touching your stomach for a while

Snuggling your front into his chest instead of spooning so he doesn’t have to hold your belly

The reality is still foreign and unfamiliar to him and he really just doesn’t know what the fuck to do about it

He hates that he acts this way, but he couldn’t avoid his lurking feelings

Probs doesn’t sleep well for a while

Let’s be honest he’s scared out of his goddamn mind and doesn’t think he could possibly ever be a good father but he loves you so much that he’s praying to god the idea of having a kid will get easier

Holds your hair when you’re getting your shit wrecked by morning sickness

No amount of vomit chunks could make you unattractive to him

Figures the best thing he can do in the situation is just to be there for you

He helps you into the shower to rinse off and crawls back into bed with you after

Sometimes he calls out of work when you’re feeling extra shitty just so he can be there for you

Let me drill this into your mind that this boy is  s c a r e d

I’d think Duncan switches into protective dad mode when something drastic happens like you start spotting or bleeding really badly and think you’re having a miscarriage and have to go to the hospital

That’s when reality actually hits him and he’s like there’s a baby in there that’s alive and I helped create them and after that he starts to be more comfortable with you being pregnant

Thankfully everything is good and the baby is perfect

When you come home from the hospital late that night and get into bed, he lets out a huge sigh into your hair and reaches his hands under your shirt to finally wraps his arms around your belly

Once again, he probably didn’t think you’d notice

But you definitely did

He had never really fully embraced the idea of you being pregnant, but the thought of potentially losing the baby was enough for him to get his shit together

Even though you’d barely be showing, he rubs his thumb along your stomach comfortingly until you both fall asleep

For once, he slept peacefully that night knowing that both of his babies were alive and well

From then on, he becomes a lot more loving and caring towards you and the baby

And also gets so fucking excited thinking about a mini-you or mini-him running around the house?? Sign him UP!

Keeps the ultrasound sonograms in his wallet/frames them and peaks at them while he’s working

Is probably more in tune with your pregnancy than you are

“Did you know that the baby is the size of a grapefruit now? Next week it’ll be the size of a rutabaga.”

“No, Dunc, I didn’t know that. That’s nice. Can we please go to sleep now? I’m tired.”

He used to greet you when he came home from work with a kiss on your lips

Now it’s one kiss on your lips, another on your belly

Duncan 100% talks to your stomach and no one can convince me otherwise

Especially after he feels the baby kick for the first time

You’ll both be on the couch watching some dumb re-run of a show you’ve both seen a million times and he’d lay his head down in your lap and talk to the baby while gently rubbing your belly with his hands trying to get them to start kicking

“Hi buddy! It’s your dad. Hope you’re having fun in there. I can’t wait to meet you. You get in the way of me and your mom having sex sometimes but that’s okay. I still love you so much.”

Earns a swift smack in the chest for that

You have to tell him to shut up sometimes because the baby goes nuts when he starts talking and it makes you feel like you’re gonna be sick

It’s still one of your favorite things tho let’s not play around

Most of the time, you just let him go on and on to your belly while you rub your fingers through his hair

Will literally do anything for you even if you don’t ask because not only does he love spoiling you but wants to make sure he’s doing whatever he can to help out with the baby while you’re pregnant

Wake up at 3am with a craving? He’s got his keys in his hand before you can even tell him what you want

Make a passing comment about noticing a few stretch marks? He comes home with 7 different lotions and insists on being the one to rub you down with each of them

That turns sexual but that’s an entirely different discussion for later

He hears you huffing in the bathtub about how you can’t reach your legs to shave? You bet your ass he hops in and helps you

Tries to say you don’t have to shave your legs for him and that he could care less

“Yeah, no shit. I’m not shaving my legs for you. I’m just tired of feeling my scratchy leg hair while I’m trying to sleep with no pants on.”

“…Okay….fair enough.”

Regardless of the gender, you both agree to have a neutral-themed nursey

Not only goes with Duncan’s rich-bitch aesthetic, but super girly and boyish things just don’t float your boat

You go with light shades of beige and grey

Same goes with baby clothes

Lil grey singlets with stripes and tiny little beanies and matching socks

Basically I am a hoe for minimalist, gender-neutral baby items so I am projecting that onto these hc’s

I also like to think that pillow talk becomes essential during your pregnancy

It’s the only guaranteed time you two have every day to catch up with each other, and you always talk about the baby

You talk baby names for at least 20 minutes a night until you guys finally decide on one

“What about Pearl?”

“Duncan, I am NOT naming our kid Pearl.”

He comes up with the worst names and you always give him shit for it until finally he throws out one that sticks

Is literally so proud the night he finally came up with a name that you both could agree on

You talk about the things you still need to do before the baby comes like building the dresser or picking out bedding for the crib

You always end up falling asleep mid-conversation nestled into each other with each of your hands intertwined and laying against your belly

The man’s nesting gets out of control and we all know it

Duncan comes home with a new stuffed animal every time he goes to the store

You send him to Target for toilet paper and peanut butter?

He comes back with one of every kind of those Wubbanub things he could find in the baby section

“It was just so cute I couldn’t not get it? It’s like a pacifier AND a stuffed animal? They get to have both at the same!time!”

Buying shit so often he probably gets two of the same thing without realizing

“They’re just gonna puke or shit all over it anyway? Probably better to have a backup if you ask me.”

You probably find him just sitting in the nursery sometimes, usually in the middle of the night

He’s either admiring his handiwork because he put together the changing station without looking at the directions

Or once again, trying to sooth his worries about becoming a dad

His baby is going to be home with him soon, and this will be the room where they sleep

He is a big nervous boi about it

Pregnancy sex

Duncan becomes obsessed with how big your boobs and belly get

The breeding kink,,, jumps out

He’s ridiculously hard at the idea that he’s the reason your stomach and tits are swollen

That his baby is growing inside of you

Absolutely loses it when you wear his shirts around the house

You always wore them anyway, but the fact that they used to come to your thighs and are now snug at your hips makes him wanna,,,nut

He loves grabbing your boobs even when you’re not being intimate

If you’re laying in bed watching a movie, he’s got his arms snaked around you with one resting on your belly and the other draped around your chest to grab a handful of boob

Forgets that they’re always sore and gets yelled at more than a few times for being too rough with them

At first, sex is normal and occasionally rough like it always has been

Eventually becomes extremely sensual and about being as close to each other as you can

He takes notes at how sensitive you are and ensures that you’re left a whimpering, screaming mess by the time you cum

Is over the moon that you are just as horny during your pregnancy as he is

While he gets excited about having a baby, his anxiety kicks in again as you reach the finish line of your pregnancy

It finally hits him again that oh shit….this is a real, breathing baby about to come into the world that he is responsible for

You start becoming more agitated, swollen, uncomfortable, crying all of the time

You lash out at him sometimes

He knows you don’t mean it, but it still gets to him

Has him questioning himself more and more

What if he couldn’t do it?

Starts reading a shit ton of baby books and begging you to go to classes with him

Despite his efforts, there’s really nothing he can do to make himself feel any better

He confesses one night in bed that he’s scared shitless he won’t be a good dad

Probably starts crying a little bit

You turn to face him and hold his hands close to your chest

“Listen, Donut. If you love this baby even half as much as I know you love me, I am positive that they will be more than okay. I’ll be right here with you to figure it all out. No one is good at it at first. It takes a lot of getting used to. Plus, they always say the worrying goes away the second you actually hold the baby in your arms.”

A few weeks after that, your water breaks in the middle of the night

Duncan immediately jumps out of bed to grab your hospital bag and help you put on your clothes

Holds your hand the whole ride there

Brushes your knuckles across his lips to try to calm the both of you

In a few hours, both of your lives will be different forever

Do I need to say it again?

Boy is about to shit his pants he is so scared

His heart hurts every time you cry from the pain of contractions because there’s nothing he can do

He is basically useless at this point, which he hates

All he has to offer is his hand for you to squeeze so hard it feels like the bones in his fingers might snap

When you feel like giving up, it’s finally his turn to give the pep talk

He tries his best and it comes out shaky, but he means it

“You’ve got this. You’re the strongest person I know. Remember what you said? It all goes away when you finally get to hold them. Let’s meet our baby, yeah?”

After a particularly excruciating push, your grunting is replaced by shrill little cries

Both yours and Duncan’s eyes go wide and your breath hitches in the back of your throat

The past 9 months have led up to this moment and you’re finally meeting your sweet baby for the first time

Duncan’s shaking like a leaf when he cuts the umbilical cord, unable to take his eyes off of the baby

You’re just as shaky when the nurse places the baby against your chest

Immediately you’re crying your eyes out

“Look at them, Duncan. They’re so beautiful. We did it.”

Duncan probably can’t form words right now

Probably just mumbling “Oh my god. Oh my god.” over and over

He just smiles and nods, trying to hold back tears while leaning over the hospital bed and stroking the baby’s cheek with the back of his hand

After the baby’s crying dies down, you shift over to the side of the bed

You make Duncan take the spot next to you so he can finally hold the baby

He’s hesitant

He doesn’t want to fuck up or hurt them but wants more than anything to finally meet his baby

Still kinda in disbelief that the woman who refused to go on a date with him for months turned into the love of his life had loved him enough to be currently sitting beside him in a hospital bed after having pushed a 7-pound baby that has half of his DNA out of her vagina

As soon as he takes the baby in his arms he’s overwhelmed with love and relief that his baby is here and alive and crying and kicking and he actually created a whole ass human

“Hi, love. It’s nice of you to finally show up. We’ve been waiting a long time to finally meet you.”

Doesn’t even notice, but the tears are f l o w i n g

Back then, he wasn’t sure he believed you when you said that his worries would leave him when he finally held his baby, but now he knows exactly what you meant

He’d do anything for the small bundle in his arms, and the woman lying beside him

Sorry if this is trash y’all I just wanted to give writing a shot!!! Once again pls lmk if it’s good in any capacity I would greatly appreciate it!

I guess I’ll tag some of my favorite writers? Lmao y’all I literally don’t know what the fuck I’m doing someone be my friend and teach me

@ritualmichael @langdonsoceaneyes @wroteclassicaly @thedeviltohisangel @ccodyfern @icylangdon 

[gundampilot]

Inspired by @dialup2002 to post some more old stuff. :) This is a desktop screenshot I posted on my DevART account January 2005. Kicking it with Windows XP, but I loved/preferred the classic style that I was accustom to (95-98-ME). I made the wallpaper used, but I’m having trouble finding a copy of it. I’ll prob try to remake it in non-1024x768 resolution lmao. Not sure if this is from 2005. It might have been from 2004, but I hadn’t posted it yet. I did that a lot. Some fun notes about some of the software icons pictured (lots of info):

Firefox - THE FIRST BROWSER TO DO TABS OMG. I was a huge advocate for Firefox, especially in its initial releases. They were doing things on the internet nobody had really seen up to that point, and made it popular! Since I had so many issues (as most people do) with Internet Explorer, I was shopping around for a new browser at the time of this shot. Google Chrome didn’t exist yet. (Can you imagine??)

IE - As stated above, I disliked IE. It was kept for various reasons, however. Such as testing website layouts, since the mass-majority of people used it and things looked different in browsers when you were coding.

Opera - While giving Firefox a try, I also managed to snag a very, very early copy of Opera. I’ve always been the type of person that loved to try out new stuff as early as possible, and this was a very special piece of software that I wanted to give a go. The reason that it was special? You had to send away for a CD for it. That’s right, kids. They snail-mail’ed me a CD because it was considered “commercial software.” I paid to get that browser lmfao. I was super super hyped later in 2005, because it became “freeware” and I was able to more-easily push my friends to try it out. The devs were (and still are) seriously awesome. This is why I still use Opera as my main browser today! Ya’ll should try it if you aren’t already! You can even use your most-beloved Chrome extensions on it. :)

Soulseek & WinMX - Holy crap, you guys! lmao Is anyone here old enough to remember these programs?? XD This was basically where most people went after Napster bit the dust. This was when we were all scrambling, trying to find a new P2P sharing program. This was right in-between the eMule/Donkey phase and before the Limewire/KaZaA fiascos where people’s computers were being overloaded with viruses from companies trying to stop pirating. Ahh, the wild, wild west... Days were so exciting when you spent hours downloading something that could potentially ruin your computer lmao

WS_FTP - Still one of my favorite FTP programs for Windows! Works like a charm! These days I use Transmit 5 for Mac, but this was my first program ever for file transfer protocol. It’s basically a tool for uploading files to my website’s server, because back when I first registered it, there was no web uploader for that kinda stuff. Now I stick with that because it’s easier and I’m used to it lol

Veo Digital Studio - Used to use this for my webcam back before webcams were built into laptops, and before they were common enough to have amazing freeware available for them.  (Also this is hilarious.) The quality was horrible, but I was hella excited to take pictures and share them with friends and on my blog at the time. From what I remember, there was something I used after this that was some type of South Korean selca software. Haduri? Something like that. It was really cute and even let you do little animations. :) 

Animation Shop - Okay. So... from what I remember, this might have been owned by the people that made Paint Shop Pro? I think it was Corel. I honestly don’t remember where I got this from, but this is what I used to use to make animated gifs (because Photoshop just....didn’t for some reason? I had to use PSP at some point, I remember that. I just don’t remember why lmao. It might have been my copy didn’t allow it, or my computer was just too shit to run it good enough, or just stopped working because....Windows). 

Adobe Photoshop 5.0 - I originally got this rip from a friend of mine, whose dad got a CD from his company that he worked at. It was an official/real license, which was really awesome! I think this was the first version of Photoshop I ever owned (!!), which is pretty amazing to think about about! I had that CD copy for a few years. I initially was gifted a copy of the CD around 2001-2002 or so. I know for a fact I had newer versions (7.0 was legend before CS suite came around), so I’m not sure why I was using this one at this point lmao. My guess is, like mentioned above, something happened with my computer and I didn’t want to format it and reinstall everything lol or because it was the fastest version I had installed to boot up and do a quick photo edit.

Adobe Photoshop 7.0 - I do remember this took a long time to start up. I can only imagine this was like a bad pirated copy or something, or was so bloated with new stuff in it, and that’s why I kept 5.0 for a quick boot. I know I used this majority of the time, though. Most of my backups for brushes and fonts are from backups that include 7.0 as a zip. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  My computer wasn’t the most powerful at the time, despite what I pushed it to do, so this is prob why.  But hell yeah! Photoshop represent! lol I still use it today, and its still one of the first things I install on a fresh OS install. Enjoying CC 2017 these days.

Nero Start Smart - I was so excited to make mix CDs and share them! Back in the day before you had stuff like playlists that were sharable on YouTube/Spotify, etc, you had this to share music. Or play in your car. Or CD walkman. Nero was a software you could burn your CD-Rs and make your own laser-etched album art! I begged for years to get a CD burner lmao. Back when casette tapes were still around enough that my parents were like “but why???” lmao. They were not common back in the day like they became over time, just, like, included on your computer. Back then you had to buy one and install it into your computer tower yourself! I got mine I believe.....in 2001? It was the year after the Playstation 2 was released. The first one I got was just a very standard burner. Did a very specific type of CD burning at a low (slow af) speed. It was $700 lmfao. Let that sink in for a minute because my parents didn’t let me forget about it for the next four years lmfao. I saved up birthday and Christmas money and went halves on it. Then I upgraded to the one that this one was! c: Which did the laser etching, and DVD burning! (And you better believe I was burning DVDs of stuff I was downloading online lmfao this was the golden age of the internet where everything was just available everywhere as long as you had the patience to download that shit, because it took forever to download)

Volume Control - My dad and I messed with the wires on all of these random computer speakers and stereo speakers that we had collected over the years and hotwired our own version of a 5.0 surround sound in the room, which was mounted to the ceiling corners and above the computer station. It was lit. I needed Volume Control easily accessible because sometimes the speakers needed redirecting, or I needed to turn the beats down because my mother was tired of my fifth time playing the Gundam Wing OSTs and Miyavi. (It was metal, okay???)

Windows Media Player - I did not use this to listen to media. Let me reiterate that. I did not use it to listen to media on. lol this was specifically used to rip tracks from CDs that friends lent me, because it was the easiest software I was able to use to change the KBPs for quality control and the ID3 tags so I could save it and organize it for use in Winamp and know wtf I was listening to lol. Nobody used WMP for listening to music.... xD 

Winamp - The best music player. Period. Still. Nothing beats it. Pls, pls, Nullsoft! Come back and make a native version for MacOS. :’((((  I would buy it! Doesn’t even have to have new features or look different. Classic look, pls pls! 

Media Player Classic - Do people still use it??? This player was amazing! Paired with k-lite codec pack, it played everything. It was like VLC before VLC. And it looked good. Clean. Small. Could be installed anywhere which was nice. And the codec packs just made everything look and run fantastic! 

Recycle Bin - .... Trash XD 

Magnifier - This was for my dad because he had bad eyes and couldn’t remember CTRL +/-/0 to increase the text on pages that he wanted to read.

My Documents - Where I saved all the stuff I downloaded. Not the real My Docs. Just a folder that I named as such, with a custom icon. I don’t know why I wanted it there lol. I think to just have a uniform square on my desktop haha

Journal - I renamed this. I forget the original name of the client, but it was the official client of LJ. It was basically a program that let you write up posts for Livejournal and you could format things, draft them, etc, and post without uploading to your journal/blog. I liked it because sometimes I couldn’t post right away, and it made making drafts a lot easier for me to go back and edit. It also let you edit past posts, which was really convenient instead of looking for it on the web version one post at a time.

AIM+ - I loved AOL Instant Messenger, but over time the ads became too much. I invested a lot of time in 3rd party clients. I was constantly switching between AIM+, Adium, DeadAIM, Pigeon, Trillion, etc. Depended on what I wanted to do that day. Want to clone a SN? Want to skin the colors of the chats? Need transparency? Want to customize your lists? Want to log into more than one msg system at once? They all had their strengths. This was my msg service of choice. Back in the day you were either on this, MSN, or Yahoo!. Some people rocked ICQ and there were a few others, but these were the most common from who I knew/hung out with. I miss those days. <3 

You can see WinMX running in the taskbar lmfao so I was prob downloading something at the time of snagging this quick shot. I also had DevART open (prob because I was gonna share this on there). I really wish I had more programs open at the time of this! XD It’s wild to look back at some of the software changes over the years!

Anyway, that’s one of my oldest screenshots that I can find that I’m able to share right now. :) I’m going to be posting a remake of that wallpaper that I did later today for those of you that want that, too.

If you read this far, thank you!! Hope you had fun reading about old stuff! 

[miphastudies]

17 Questions for 17 People

Thanks @its-bianca​ for tagging me in this! Sorry it’s taken so long, we’re in a third lockdown and I’m pretty sure my body thinks that time no longer exists.

Nicknames: Kim, Kimbo, Kimberlim, Kimothy, Kimberley Dibberley (For some reason my family thought that a nickname based off Cat’s other personality from Red Dwarf, Dwayne Dibberley, was funny and it’s stuck with me my whole life), as well as KIIII (shouted by my sister when she was about 2 and couldn’t pronounce my name, my best friend now yells it when she wants my attention) and Kim-Kim by my Dad who refuses to believe I’ve grown up (beats Kimberley Dibberley any day) 

Height: 5'9 - towering over most men is fun, I suggest it to all of you, I’d rather round it up to six foot, but I probs stopped growing at 20.

Hogwarts House: Well I got Gryffindor when I first went on that site, but being my goth self I had to take the test again until I got Slytherin - as far as I remember I had unicorn hair (or horn?) or something of the like in my wand but I’m not gonna fuel JK’s anti-trans pockets by visiting Pottermore ever again. 

Last thing I googled: The soundtrack for Futurama’s Luck of the Fryrish episode, I knew Simple Minds were on it but I could’ve sworn Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty was on it, but apparently not. I spent a good half hour trying to sing it into google with their new song-analysis thing to no avail, so I ended up siphoning through all the songs Lisa Simpson has ever played on her Sax to find out what it was (I should be doing my dissertation proposal but my tutors haven’t got back to me yet so what can ye do).

Song stuck in my head: yknow wha I’m just gonna list the songs that have been stuck in my head so far today because it’s too many to be just one as I keep cycling through them (also gonna link them so you can see how garbo weird my music taste is)

Run - Joji Alive - Pearl Jam Clinging On For Life - The Hoosiers Tension - Avenged Sevenfold  Boots of Spanish Leather - Bob Dylan Nutshell - Alice in Chains Jaded - Aerosmith  The Sea of Tragic Beasts - Fit For an Autopsy 

I’ll add my current favourite at the bottom too for good measure (Honestly I spend way too much time listening to music and I regret nothing)

Number of followers: Currently 85. I’ve got about 2k on my main blog but I’ve not touched that since July 2017.

Amount of sleep: Good lord, so I aim for 8 hours, sometimes I only get 5.5 or something along those lines, other times I depression nap during the day and can’t sleep at all, sometimes (like this morning) I’ll go to get up at a normal person time such as 9am when my body naturally wakes me up, but it’s so dark and gloomy outside and cold in my room that I just stay in bed and end up accidentally falling back asleep. 12pm gang rise up xo 

Lucky number: 7

Dream Job: Hopefully I get somewhat successful in monetising my hobbies, I’m working on it all atm (I don’t know why but I really hate telling people about my plans because I’m deathly afraid they’ll mock me or do whatever they can to ensure it doesn’t happen, I’ve got this list of things I need to do for my own mental health sellotaped to my laptop stand that had things like when to clean the house, do my laundry, shower, exercise etc, and my old flatmate/friend saw it the other week and mocked me, so I haven’t followed it since and need to find some sort of other way of organising my life instead). But yeah, hopefully hobby based, I don’t want to be stuck in an office job all my life, and I want to leave the UK (although I don’t want to leave my family) so hopefully I’ll be successful enough to bring em all with me.

Wearing: Well I was gonna wear jeans and my Unus Annus longsleeve but I decided to go full kitchen witch and wear this black milkmaid looking dress with long sleeves that I’d bought for work when I got my thigh tattoo started (all the old men appreciated the legs but I didn’t make any more tips, oops)

Favourite song: My favourite song of all time would be The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony , the band formed at my college, has great meaning and has resonated with me since I first saw the music video after it was played at my Stepdad’s funeral in 2002. Weirdly enough on my last day of college, right after my last exam, I went to get the bus home - put my Spotify on shuffle (bearing in mind I’ve got 805 songs on this playlist) and this came on straight away. That’s probably not important to most people, but being pagan, I like to think that small things like these are signs from loved ones that have since passed. Not too happy that it’s used as the England Rugby theme because it gives me anxiety every time as though I feel like everyone hearing it doesn’t have the same emotional connection with the song as I do, but idk. I saw Richard Ashcroft live and he played this and I legit bawled my eyes out in public, safe to say I’ll try and hold it in next time. I suggest you all have a listen to the song or even watch the music video for it, it’s the most simple but most meaningful music video to me. 

Favourite Instrument: I’m left handed and I had this Yamaha acoustic guitar that my stepdad gave me - and taught me to play when I was about 5, a few months before he died (it’s still weird to me that I had no idea he had cancer at that point and instead spent his last few months teaching me his favourite hobbies) all he had was right handed guitars, so he taught me to play Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters upside down on this 20 odd year old right handed acoustic. He hadn’t played upside down himself before but did it so I could see what he was doing. I remember sitting in our green living room on the couch with him moving my hands to the right position (I don’t know where my mum was in this scenario, probably in the kitchen). He’d brought this guitar with him the first day I met him, it was probably like 11pm but I was 4 and thought it was 3am or something, but I heard voices coming from the living room and had gone to investigate - there sat my mum and my stepdad having Chinese on the living room floor, laughing together, my stepdad saw me and had brought sweets for me and my brother for when we woke up, but he beckoned me over, gave me a lollipop, stuck a two litre bottle of tizer in front of me and told me to dip the lollipop in the drink and lick it (not a good idea as I would’ve been bouncing off the walls, but I think I must’ve had a sugar crash and fallen asleep). My mum had no idea he was coming as he’d sneakily been texting her, asking what her favourite drink was, her favourite food and flowers etc, after they met in a pub when my mum was at a hostel with my brother after my Dad had taken me. My mum told him that the council had given her a place and he decided to show up and surprise her with all her favourite things and play guitar for her after my brother and I had gone to bed, I don’t remember much time passing before we’d moved into his house (where my mum and her new husband live to this day), but they got married a few months later and I still can’t play that Metallica song (I did try to teach myself more of it though). I also had this black left handed Ibanez prestige that my Dad got me for Christmas about 9 years ago, I could play quite a lot on it but eventually just stopped. Very good at piano though. 

Aesthetic: I’m not sure what this entails but I’m a sucker for neon/RGB/cityscapes and that type of malarkey. Also space. Love da space.  Also whatever Cornwall would be considered as. Cottagecore? I think that’s only an animal crossing related aesthetic but I’m claiming it nonetheless. 

Favourite Author: I’m a big goth so it has to be Stephen King by default. I’ve got copious first editions of his books from the 70′s and 80′s that my Mum bought when she was a teen. At my flat I’ve got Carrie, Christine, Salem’s Lot, Misery and The Shining first editions and the others are in my room at my Mum’s house. I don’t tend to read for joy like I used to, or write for fun either but I’m hoping I do more in 2021. Currently reading The Outsider by King, it sounds eerily familiar to a novel I wrote for coursework in college in 2014 and I’m half pressed to think he’s stole my brain ideas. I’m watching you Stephen. Always watching. Always. 

Favourite animal sounds: I don’t have favourite sounds, but my husky Nanook is my favourite animal because he’s dumb and I love him. Also Kookaburra sounds are terrifying and you all should go listen to what a koala sounds like. When I go to Adelaide (hopefully this year, if not next) I am NOT stepping foot in a nature reserve unless I’ve got an anti-kookaburra noise suit on. They obviously don’t exist so I’m gonna have to make one.

Random: I’m part of a viking reenactment group where they use actual swords and fight each other, and we have to basically sign our lives away when we join, to say that if we die, it’s not the groups fault. I don’t actually do the fighting though, I’m part of the villager group, so I do all the crafting and food making and most of the teaching when we do shows. I’ve not yet been to a show as I’ve had uni to go to, but my parents, sister and brother do - They stayed within Whitby Abbey last year during the Viking festival where everyone did the show and the adults got drunk round campfires in the castle grounds. Zacky Vengeance once complimented my shirt if that’s something. I’m also colourblind, got glared at by Liam Gallagher in the Liverpool Echo Arena parking lot and have too accurate a sense of smell.

Sorry this was so long, obviously I felt like word-dumping and my brain has a lot to say as I find too much meaning in these things.  Thanks again for tagging me! I’ve not got 17 people to tag as I don’t interact with anyone at the moment but I’ll come back to this and add people as the week progresses :) 

[koibitoaii]

AZALIA’S FULL MUSE LIST & THEIR STATUS.  

lets play a game where before you open this - you try to guess how many muses i have. the answer: way too many. 

kagura mikazuchi. honestly a disaster. needs so much re-doing. haven’t been active on her in so long it’s ridiculous. she’s got a lot of headcanons though tbh. mermaid heel is a good guild. kagura is a good girl. who knows when i’ll be active on her? not me. her icons are so bad i’m actually weeping.

jenny realight. not that bad tbh?? i’m planning to change her theme a bit - but all of her tags are my current system thank the gods. but jfc i hATE her icons so i’ll probably remake those which will take #time. i love her a lot though. 

sorano aguria. the bane of my existence is this fucking blog. honestly there’s a STRONG chance that whenever I bring her back to the living world i’ll move her blog all together. but it looks like a while away before i bring her back. 

irene belserion. does she even count as my muse when i barely did anything on her before setting her into a hiatus? who knows. she’s totally au tbh - needs serious revamping, but i love her icons a lot. and she’s fun for plot purposes. 

cana alberona. my first muse ever. i’ve had her for, jesus fucking christ almost five years, but been active on her for maybe two of those. but boy do i adore her. she also needs her tags fixed, her theme changed, her pages updated. but her icons are hella cute. 

sting eucliffe. my son. the light of my life. my self-indulgent masterpiece. he’s so cute. but beware bc my portrayal of him is honestly a lot softer than it should be & i’ll admit it. it’s just what happened though guys. he made it his own. probs won’t be active on him for a long time to come - but i might fill his queue here soon so there’s that. he too needs a new theme. 

 aries. more like owner of my ass. aries i love so much. would love to be active with her but it’s just?? so hard?? to do interactions that make sense with other characters in main verse. it’s painful. she needs a new theme. but i love her you guys. if you want my heart && soul make a leo to throw @ her. it’ll all be yours. please. but yes aries is. perfection. 

lisanna strauss my sweet baby girl. the purest bean to ever exist. lisanna is actually pretty active!! I’m so proud!! I need to make more icons for her in the new style - but yeah. she’s active. she’s alive &&& thriving. it’s a blessing. 

sayla. LMAO is she even a muse. haven’t touched her in....three years. maybe more. everything about her blog is a mess. she still has an autoplay bc apparently i did that three years ago. but somehow i just. can’t let go of her entirely?? who knows why?? not me. 

mirajane strauss. mira is recently revamped & i don’t know how active i’m gonna be on her if i’m being totally honest. just that i’m feeling her somewhat && have every intention of #trying. 

juvia lockser. juvia is my girl. her & lis are the loves of my life. juvia is vaguely active. meaning that if i see i have a reply due on her i’ll respond within the weekish. but there’s not a lot happening on her blog tbh. but yes. 

OTHER FANDOMS: 

bakugou katsuki my newest child. the explosion boy. the angriest dork to ever grace the world. he’s active, i’m slowly trying to build up the courage to fully expand in that fandom && actually talk to new people. very slowly. but tbh if you’re reading this you know me from the ft fandom &&& you should come harass this boy. 

dimitri irvine my original character. this man right here is a literal toddler & making him respond to things is a constant battle. that being said, he’s actually fairly active. come bother him. please. it’ll liven up everyone’s lives. 

emery mallaroy. em is yet another original character && the proof of how goddamn lazy i am. because i would be active on her - but all of her icons are on another computer &&& i still haven’t moved them. so. she’s not active. hasn’t been for a while. 

aurelia riviere the first original character i ever made. part of the same immortal squad as dimitri & emery. she’s actual sunshine. if sunshine constantly thought about her dead ex-boyfriend WHO HAS BEEN GONE FOR CENTURIES RAE LET IT GO ALREADY && was pretty much incapable of living in any one place for very long. her activity is as sporadic as lottery winners so. there’s that. 

wow you’ve reached the end of this depressing ass list. you deserve an award. it once again hits me how unactive i am. you might be wondering why i made this in the first place. mostly it’s because i have an actual fucking blog that’s supposed to be dedicated to listing my muses but that’s SO MUCH WORK TO MAINTAIN & i feel like it always ends up looking hideous so. instead. we have this. 

[composeregg]

There’s been a notable uptick in hate going around lately and oh boy am I pissy. Especially since all this hate is mainly focused on Josh, and his relationship with Neku most times. And all of it I’ve seen has been used to try and promote a different ship (mainly NekuShiki, sometimes BeatNeku), so I’m gonna just go off and say some stuff here.

First: Ship bashing. you don’t need to fucking bash a character to try to support your own ship. That’s just fuckin rude and distasteful, gtfo. BeatNeku is a wonderful ship, so is JoshNeku, so is JoshBeat, I’m kinda meh on NeShiki because 95% of the shippers I’ve encountered have vehemently hated Josh, also it’s a bit het for me, and EriShiki is 500% better imo. You do you tho, as long as you don’t bash other ships to support your own.

Second: On Joshua. A lot of what I see says how horrible the fandom is for reducing Josh and Neku to gay stereotypes, meanwhile, these people will go on and fucking on about how Josh is a manipulative abusive fuckhead who deserves nothing. Hows that for stereotyping and reducing a beautiful complex character to like two character traits?

Now, I’m a Josh rper, I’ve been here since 2014, building my hcs for Josh, looking through the game, and he’s an enigma, a mystery that is fun to dig into, so I have some complex ideas for this complex character.

Josh was a fucking shithead, yes. He manipulated Neku in the Long Game, killed him to be his Proxy, did everything he fucking could to get Neku to hate his guts, and then he put a gun in Neku’s hands and said “if you don’t shoot me I will destroy shibuya.” Because he fucking wanted Neku to shoot him.

Josh was canonically depressed, misanthropic to the core because of isolation and disappointment. He hated himself, he was poisoning Shibuya, and the two choices he had were to Erase himself to stop the poison from spreading, or have someone replace him. He picked Neku as his replacement, and as a small chance that maybe things could get better.

He did not expect to come out of that duel (metaphorically) alive. Every single thing he did was to get Neku to shoot him, but in the end they bonded, Joshua was someone that Neku related to more than the others, because they shared the same world-view. This is literally stated within the game, how Neku and Josh are so similar, and how they bonded over misanthropy.

Joshua is clever and cunning, and he used that to his advantage, because you’re not going to care about how someone might look back on you and think about you if you don’t plan to be around. Neku didn’t shoot, Josh had a “change of heart” because Neku, the most misanthropic person in Shibuya besides himself, who he tried to get to hate him as much as Josh hated himself, proved Shibuya could still change, while also being the one person In Joshua’s existence who valued his survival as more than the city, Hanekoma tried to get Josh replaced with Sho, and Hanekoma was his father figure (imo), a person he could trust, until now.

So Josh and Neku meeting up after the game? First off Josh is afraid to, because he doesn’t deserve Neku in his life. But Neku invited him, Neku wants to know why Josh did all that he did. Josh would be hyper-aware of his actions against Neku, of the power imbalance between them. 

so, third: On JoshNeku alone. This ship does not happen without major struggle, without more character development and long hard talks. They have a shit tone of Issues to work through, from Josh’s manipulation, the power imbalance, both of their mental states because holy fuck they’re both kinda fucked up. Josh would never be the one to initiate anything, he keeps it back, on low, because it’s not his place, Neku needs to make the decision to go forward with their relationship because Neku is the one he has hurt so much. You cannot smooth over everything and make it lovey-dovey and happy, they have issues, and that’s part of the appeal of it. They grow together, work through it all, figure out how they might be part of each other’s life, and that dynamic is wonderful. Ship with conflict and a strong dynamic are fun, appealing, and that is where I find  the interest, because that development is necessary.

Four: On shippers and shipping. Almost every single joshneku shipper I know is well aware of this dynamic, of all the issues, and we definitely do not ignore them, or sideline them for other stuff. But we also like to indulge in the fun parts, overplay silly stereotypes and the one-dimensional character portrayals of the fandom, because it’s ridiculous, it’s for laughs, it’s light-hearted, and it’s enjoyable. We’re allowed to do this silly stuff and have fun with our ship, because we understand it, and we don’t need to fucking show that context, three pages of background on how they worked through their issues and got together, or write up an essay on every post acknowledging the problematic parts of the ship, whenever we want to post something less serious.

Those of you out there are constantly fucking saying that we ignore all the problematic parts of the ship, that we only play up stereotypes or over-simplify the characters, and you are literally shitting all over the shippers. You people out there are saying that we are horrible for shipping such a ship, how awful we are for ignoring all this stuff, when we don’t, at all. You are attacking shippers, instead of giving reasonable criticism about the ship. I am not here to force you to ship Joshneku, but I am fucking fed up over being attacked by yall again and again.

A bit ago, to someone who posted hate that I saw on mobile in the tag, I went “hey do you think it’s possible you could take measures to keep it out of the mobile search results because seeing hate for my ship is never fun you understand?” to which they called that anon hate, fought with my friend over it, and repeatedly emphasized how we should just learn to skip over some posts and how they don’t as to see the ship in the main tag (you know, a perfect comparison to a ship tag /s. I’m fucking pissed with twewy hate in the twewy tag, I’d be pissed it if Like NekuShiki and saw hate in that tag, because that’s not what the tag is for). 

and my fifth point would be over neku and shiki but I’m not going to get into that because I keep the discussions about ships I’m not fond of to chats with friends, and like I said, I’m not here to persuade anyone to ship my ship, or to not ship their ship, cuz that’s just mcfuckin rude. I don’t go around posting about how much I dislike my notp all the goddamn time, so I’m sure you guys can manage!

SO, don’t like it? I don’t fucking care! Just keep your fucking hate out of the tag and we’ll be good! Stop shitting on a character to support your own stuff! 

I’m done ranting. This will probs be the only shit I say about this and I don’t plan on getting into a huge-ass fight with those posting hate. I just had to vent.

 Egg out.

[rxpunzelwrites-blog]

what my kiddos are doing for valentine’s day!

laura tagged along with lydia and rosy for a lot of the day because she normally spends the day with lydia and felt a little lonely probably. but then she left the two of them to do their own thing and now she’s scotty’s valentine and eating donuts with him.

audrey isn’t even aware it’s valentine’s day. she was probably alarmed by the all the paper hearts in messina then eventually shrugged it off and went to work.

harper spent it with toby of course, and baked him heart shaped cookies and they probably went for lunch with their kiddies! she also baked rhodes a batch as well and kissed him all over his face and told him she loved him no less than thirty times.

reuben had to help bill pick out a valentine’s day gift from tori and suggested that he take her on a ghost tour. whether or not he took that onboard is up to jenny :’) and then reuben pulled himself to dinner and asked daisy on a second date and probably just took her somewhere nice for dinner.

mickey didn’t celebrate valentine’s day because it’s shane’s birthday which is a hundred times more important to him. he saved up his money and bought him a vintage signed photo of gregory peck.

dennis went right ahead and bought bret flowers and they weren’t crumpled this time and he says that he’s only making up for squashing them on their auction date and that he didn’t even know that it was valentine’s day but he said all this with a stupid smile on his face and probably helped with the rosy surprise even though he complained the whole way through it.

alice spent the whole day making out with jay. probably in front of quinn at some point. i am so sorry.

leon sent an anonymous card to freddie because he’s in way over his head. silly boy.

atticus kissed eeeeeeveryone on the cheek today. but finn and reggie and amelia and annie got TWO kisses. he didn’t get anyone any gifts bc he claimed that he is their gift and that they should feel blessed.

wren claimed quinn as her valentine like she usually does. she made him a card like she usually does. and she kissed him like she usually does. later on, she went birdwatching with henry and tried to ignore all the flutters in her tummy.

rosy spent her day with lydia and got the best surprise EVERRRRR. she definitely cried. and then when laura left them alone she demanded that she and lydia cuddle in bed for the whole night and then told lydia that it’s the best valentine’s day she’d ever had. also realised she’s in love with lydia but didn’t say it out loud because she wants to tell bret first and ask if he thinks she should tell her.

wilhelm literally just spent the day with ringo starr. his ankle still hurts so he couldn’t even dance, poor bb.

felix wrote little valentine’s day cards for raegan, hazel and monica and then he sent one to eddie ‘from mallory’. but yeah it’s mostly from him. felix loves valentine’s day oh my gosh.

jack sang love songs all day, i’m not joking. he probably shyly serenaded ivy as well.

justin definitely asked raegan out on a date. and then as a joke he’d pretend he’d asked colton out as well and then he’d pretend to be worried about being double booked and then insist that indy needs to come now as well so there’ an even number. it probably wasn’t even his idea because he’s too dumb for that so raegan is welcome to take the credit.

callum debated asking what scotty was doing and then decided against it and just wished kai a happy valentine’s day through the wall before ultimately just going to work and spending his night on the docks.

brody lmaaaao okay so brody bought hunter a bunch of the saddest looking daffodils in the whole entire world because that was all he could afford. and he left them at her desk and claimed that it was so he could ‘keep up appearances’ oh my god i’ve been waiting to type this all day.

riley received lots of valentine’s cards from his students and took them all home with him and pinned them on his wall after he conferred with barry just to make sure that none of them were serious love letters. he sent monty a card and said he only did so because that’s what the two of them usually do.

sutton probably went to hang out with kara and ollie fully aware that it was valentine’s day but didn’t mention it and if it was brought up he would feign ignorance like ‘oh??? it’s valentine’s day???’

let’s not talk about how greyson is doing today

elsie kept herself to herself even though she contemplated wishing tara a happy valentine’s day but decided against it. angelica probably tried to corner her for a kiss but she ran away.

wardo is the most loved up fucking goober right now. he spent the whole day kissing louis and then dancing with cecily and ivy and was even nice to ulysses. wardo was in the best mood ever today okay.

elliot cooked chicken nuggets for melody and then took her to a monster truck rally. he asked for a kiss from raegan and was probably denied it, but he definitely gave rhodes a big kiss. and he’s super worried about him after the break up.

pace and cece didn’t give each other valentine’s gifts, but pace wished everyone he came across a happy valentine’s day. he filmed a lot of people getting their gifts and even caught a proposal on camera so he’s had a good day living through other people’s happiness.

angelica gave everyone all the kisses including lizzie, bea, jess, seth, katie, carter, cassie, conrad, melody and nearly elsie. basically if you think there’s a chance that angelica would have reason to kiss your oc then she definitely did.

dean spent the day watching finding nemo with mellie and baby hadley :)

joe hooked up with someone he can’t remember the name of. very romantic.

sybil went ghost hunting as usual, possibly with byron and if anyone tried to suggest something about that she’d threaten to curse them.

ella had class but brought hazel cupcakes home for her to decorate. she probably uploaded the footage to her youtube channel.

aaron is spending the day with his girlfriend but let it be known that he text astrid saying, ‘happy valentine’s day, maine x’

harvey was working but as you can see, he’s talking to kenny which means he’s very happy about that.

nathaniel spent the day with will and jane and kissed them both and basically just tried to keep will’s spirits up.

will isn’t doing good right now and he misses alex a lot and he feels edgy and anxious but he spent time with nathaniel and jane anyway bc he knew it would make nate happy.

dixie was working but when she saw séamus in the lobby, she definitely wished him a happy valentine’s day and then spent the rest of her shift blushing about it. also her momma made a sculpture in her pottery class and ‘in the spirit’ of valentine’s, she gave it to mr croft. innocently, of course, but dixie knows better and wasted no time in telling cassie and david.

cecily spent her day playing with apollo and smiling and giggling at wardo and louis. she let wardo dance with her and she hugged ivy and after some encouragement from her brother, she got brave enough to kiss louis on the cheek and wish him a happy valentine’s day before all the excitement got a bit too much for her and she scurried off to the museum. but then she saw david and got all frazzled again :’)

levi IS GOING ON A SORT-OF DATE WITH AMELIA AND THAT’S THAT ON THAT.

dustin is making fun of all his students’ valentines. because he’s a dick.

diego probably isn’t doing a lot bc when is he ever but i like to think he enlisted caroline’s help to draw a picture of a butterfly so he could give it to cedric.

chase is getting high af and hooking up with whoever wants him. mess.

max is having the time of her fricking life and sent valentine’s to practically all of messina. she’s wearing heart themed everything today and her muse is through the roof so she’s probably planned like six new novels and she’s LIVING. and she’s asking after everyone else’s valentines and how they’re going and fangirling over all the cute things.

holly walked into a novel idea. glared at katie. left.

benji probably got another kiss of david because i say so that’s why.

jutta has no valentine but she plans to find one when she goes out clubbing tonight so really she’ll be fine.

taylor sent valentine’s to both darren and ronnie from BOTH her and james because she knew james wanted to but wasn’t brave enough, and it also helped her feel less guilty about everything that’s happened between her and the boys lately.

bennett got piss drunk then found some randomer to sleep with so he can forget about calvin and hero.

kit is in a surprisingly good mood today. simon gave her chocolates which she didn’t eat, but gave them to cody instead. then she baked cakes for daisy, simon, lo and beau. she was probably super shy about giving lo one but again, she’s in a good mood, she got over herself and did it.

simon woke up feeling sad but he still went into work and bravely wished billy a happy valentine’s day AS A FRIEND before saying the same to everyone else in a novel idea. then he went home and gave chocolate to kit and beau to be a gentleman.

evie demanded that jax be her valentine because she knew he hasn’t quite managed to work up the courage to ask ronan out and ronan remains oblivious.

oz gave out free candy to everyone and tried not to be sad when daisy told him she was going on a date with reuben so there’s that.

caroline heard that amelia and cassie were both otherwise preoccupied but decided that was okay because she woke up and tackled jason and gave him a big kiss on the cheek as well as a card that says ‘i love you to infinity and beyond’. she also bumped into gabe and pretended to not know it was valentine’s day pls just give me this.

mellie is probs very anti-valetine’s day right now. she’s avoiding che and probably pouted if indy did end up giving into justin and going out, so she watched finding nemo with dean instead.

ronan was working and being oblivious about jax and i hate him for it. he probably spent what free time he had attempting to find a date for his cousin, abel.

alfie baked all his friends a heart shaped pie and gave them all kisses even though he’s a little bi awkward around scotty rn because he’s not sure if he’s allowed to kiss his cheek anymore, but his spirits were up anyway!

emma was on set and i’m sure that drew did something charming so there’s that :’)

ellis arranged so many flower bouquets today and you can bet your goddamn ass she went to pick clara up at school and gave one to barry whether he liked it or not. she also graciously camped out in calvin’s room in order to give rory the space should he bring someone home :’) and because of that she probably bulled calvin into letting her braid his hair.

seth spent the day with all of his friend - not just katie. he gave all of his friend a valentine’s day hug - not just katie. he went out at night with all of his friends - not just katie. AND YES HE’S SURE HE STARED LONGINGLY AT /ALL/ OF HIS FRIENDS NOT JUST KATIE, THANKS VERY MUCH.

noah literally spent the whole of rehearsal belting every single iconic broadway love song at isaac just to get a reaction from him.

conrad was bullied by anya into wishing lizzie a happy valentine’s day. he’s going to be embarrassed about this for the next three months.

carter as we know was cassie’s valentine and the two of them shared alllll the candy and chocolate together. and then he met teddy and let a stranger hug him and that’s very important for him. also, he pined over jess. as per.

kevin WAS SNAKED BY CARTER FUCKING HEFFRON. he’s v displeased and pouted at katie for being the mastermind behind the whole thing.

piper probably took a selfie with hunter and sent it to brody saying that she was stealing his valentine. 

robbie spent it with blair and was appalled when jimmy showed up to ask if he could take blair out because EXCUSE ME CATTLE MAN THAT’S MY VALENTINE AND I NEED TO MAKE ALL THE MEMORIES WITH HER. so my headcanon is that he obnoxiously tagged along.

beau got cakes from kit and chocolate from simon and bought lo a big tub of marshmallows :) she’s not really up for celebrating though after her break up.

bailey sent all of her sisters gifts and then went to the stables so she could assist couples going on valentine treks together. she briefly contemplated how lonely single life can be but swiftly got over it.

adam definitely gave mack a card and a teddy literally just to piss off roy because he’s awful.

sawyer was in the ER and probably walked in on bennett and someone on the on-call room and is scarred for life. she debated going to see lux but then realised caleb might be working and decided against it.

micah spent the day at home with jd. he feels bad about not really checking on greyson but he knows he doesn’t treat jd the way he should or spend that much time with him on a good day and he wants to make that up to him on the national day of romance.

foster was working and probably received an inappropriate valentine’s from one of his students that probably left him close to tears because NO THIS IS WRONG WHY CAN’T I JUST HAVE AN EASY LIFE. he probably debated shoving himself back in the janitor’s closet before ultimately deciding to hide away at lunch time and share his babybel with ryke.

jimmy decided to ask out blair for the day and then realised that meant robbie would be tagging along. he was only a little annoyed.

[livinganddyingatdisneyworld-blog]

First Week+

Hey ya’ll.

So my first week here has come and gone. Monday morning was more hectic than I would have liked. I was so tired and was running late, I had to pack up my bags very quickly and I had my Mears driver waiting for me. He had texted me about 8:30 and I didn’t see that til 9, and I got down to him at like 9:15. 

My check-in was at 9:30, and there was a line of cars this time, so my driver had to patiently wait til we got to the front of the pack. I don’t think anyone ever looked at my Boarding pass lol (Just my itinerary). Check-in was quick. I had a nice lady help me with my documents and they took my picture for my housing ID. (Patterson’s are yellow this year, meh) Being back at Patterson feels pretty good. It feels like home (aw). I had feared I might be triggered into some negative feelings but nope. If anything being back makes me realize how much time has gone by and that time heals all wounds, things here have changed and moved on and so have/(or should) I. 

So this girl gave me my new program guide with my apartment configuration on it. It said 1 bedroom/3 person. I’m in building 3 on the first floor. I met my two roommates later in the day on Monday. It’s only been about a week and a half but so far we get along OK, there are still some things that will need to be worked out, but we’ll get there I think. I get along better with one than the other too. The nice thing is that again I do feel very comfortable here already so it wasn’t hard to adjust. My roommates are both very like me, mid 20s, white, American, etc so we’re pretty similar, they are both straight though. Which might be a good thing as long as they aren’t the “toxic” kind of straight I tend to keep at a distance. 

Casting at 11 was confusing because of the way they scheduled the buses and because of the construction around the casting building (yay third parking garage!) I had to figure out what bus to take and when to walk down to Chatham (my least favorite part of Patterson) but I got there eventually. I was like 20 min late to both my check-in and casting but no one said anything, I did the best I could! This lady at casting asked me for my Blue ID and I said I turned it in to my leaders and she said that was the correct thing to do so that made me feel good. There was a nice girl they checked my documents for me and then a guy there to do the “Disney Look” check. My fingerprints still didn’t work and they guy that did them was a little aggressive about it but whatever hopefully it will be like last time as far as that goes. Going back in the casting building is definitely an experience lol. Afterwards a group of us had to wait for the bus so I talked to them for a bit. I got back to Patterson and met my roommates.

Our apartment is nice, fresh and has new carpet. I wasn’t keen on the the 3 in 1 and I ended up taking the top bunk, which works for me but again isn’t ideal. It was funny because it took the confusion out of trying to pick a roomie/room/bed away. I like the building because it’s still close to the main area but kinda off in it’s own space too, just have to walk a bit further than last time. (laundry and garbage won’t be fun, it’s a walk over there). At least I have less roommies and still manageable rent. 

Monday night I made my return to Disney Springs and had Yesake, it was so good to be back finally! I also went to Walmart that night and got supplies. Tuesday I had the day off and went the Boardwalk Bakery(the food has changed, prob won’t go there again). but I still love walking that area at night. 

Wednesday I had my housing at 3 meeting which was the same as last year pretty much. Not a big deal. I stopped in the Grid afterwards and was surprised how low on stock they are. I ended up going back to Walmart for more supplies and went back to Disney Springs for dinner. I went to Earl of Sandwich and tried the wine slushie at Amorettes - it was so good! 

Thursday I had the day free and used it to stay in and rest. I had considered this being a resort day since I couldn’t get into the parks yet but I was tired and it was raining so I stayed in. 

Friday I had my Traditions class. I counted 9 other guys in the room and I sat with 3 of them. The ones I remember are Arvin, JT, Diego, and Steven. We were all Merch which was cool. The class felt pretty fast/tracked and went fast. There were some awkward moments but I knew there would be. I was nervous about going back to Magic Kingdom but it ended up raining and so we played games instead and didn’t have to go. I was relieved. I was nervous about getting my Blue ID but it was there for me. The pictures on both my ID’s are...OK. I changed my pic on The Hub though. They gave me another name tag but I plan on using my old one with my hometown on it from my last program. Overall I did get emotional at certain points in Traditions, (at one point my eye would not stop watering) but it was pretty quick and painless. I was glad to have a later in the day time (mine was at 2:40 and I had to be at the bus/stop by 1:15). I will always prefer a later in the day time. No one in my Traditions seemed to be going to Epcot which was interesting, maybe like 2 others that I heard. 

I decided not to go to the parks that night and instead went to Disney Springs for another slushie and more Yesake! 

Saturday I had free which was nice, I decided that my first park entry would be Epcot of course, and then later in the day I would have my first ride be Flight of Passage. I went to Epcot just to check-out Mousegear and get a feel for it. I felt indifferent to be honest. Like not super-excited but not scared or nervous either. Everything in my program was what I wanted or asked for basically. The Commons would have been nice, maybe I should have been more open to other roles, I probably would have picked the May 21st arrival date if it was offered to me. But Fall Advantage/Merch/June 4th/ and Patterson are all great with me. When I found out I was going to Mousegear I was surprised and happy. Like I just didn’t want to be in MK again, and getting to learn more about Epcot sounded like a great way to spend my 2nd program. (I did not spend much time in Future World last year, I always walked quickly through it to get to World Showcase). Mousegear is one of the biggest shops in the park which is intimidating but I do not claim to know what is best for me (lol). It actually has great reviews from other Cps/Cms that it’s a great location for alot of reasons, it seems very well orgainzed and staffed and it’s an AC/inside area only. You still rotate positions but you only have to learn one store versus several locations. 

After my sneak peak at my new home at Epcot I got on the bus to Animal Kingdom. When I got there I went straight to Flight of Passage, the wait was long and my phone had died (having trouble with the battery). Also I want to note before I forget that the bugs this year seem to be bad (gotten several bites so far, last year not an issue) and when I first got here I had this itchy rash on my arms and neck and apparently I must have done something because the skin basically died and peeled off in those places. Weird! I thought it was a reaction from a bug bite or something. These are just things I was struggling with the first week. As well as figuring out my to-do list and where to put my stuff and trying to stay organized. I definitely spent more than I needed to but I figure it’s my first week and I want to be happy and start out strong and hopefully continue that way. I want to be better about time and money management and this program is a great way to focus on that. I need to figure out how best to get food when I don’t have a car. It’s a struggle. I spent a lot of time before this week getting my body in a good place and I have to keep up with what I’ve been working on. Traveling took so much out of me I was worried I would regress and get to busy to take care of myself but I’m really trying to stay on it. Appearance is everything and then that helps my confidence! I tried to make my hair blonder before coming here and that was another nightmare - I probably wasted like 50+ dollars just on my hair color lol, but whatever. As long as my acne stays in a good place that’s the main thing for me. My spray tan is wearing off and I need to have a pool day still. Shaving everyday is a nuisance and keeping up with it but that’s what you have to do.

Anyway so I went to Animal Kingdom and waited for Flight of Passage - worth it obviously. I really wanted to do at least Everest but didn’t have enough time, so I had dinner at the Canteen, which I’ve been wanting to do for awhile (it was..OK. I mean I love Tofu but I was still hungry after) and I spent 10$ on a tiny little Sangria that I didn’t need....but whatever. I can say I did it and now I know I don’t need it again lol. 

Overall it was a good night at Animal Kingdom, still much more I want to do (I tried to make fastpasses but realized that wasn’t going to work). 

Sunday was my Discovery Day, I had to get up really early and be there by 8am. I was so tired this whole day because I didn’t sleep much that night. It was a really magical day. I won’t go into detail but the boat ride, the welcome, it was all very magical. When I was riding SpaceShip Earth for the first time, I realized some things (lol). It just made me realize how great it feels to be in a place that I feel like this is where I am SUPPOSED to be. How during my last program especially at the end how I said goodbye forever (maybe to MK yes;) but to be at Epcot and realize that maybe I had never done these things before because the universe had plans for me later. (I honestly don’t think I’d ever been inside Mousegear, I just walked past it). My group leaders (4) were very fun and made the day special, I got emotional with alot of things they were saying. Most of my group was people from other countries, very few Americans (my small group was all Asian) It definitely makes me feel a type of way when the only country I’ve been to is Mexico and I don’t speak other languages, but these people are world travelers and speak several languages. One thing that did stick with me was the notion that even we as Americans are considered “international” by tourists from other countries. They look at us (maybe sometimes anyway) with the same interest that Americans look at people from other countries. After my Discovery Day I went home and went to Disney Springs. Here I really splurged and got Yesake AND Earl of Sandwich. I also tried to go to Morimoto Asia but I won’t be doing that again. When I went to Earl the cashier kept complimenting me on my eyes and said I was pretty. It was nice! At this point it had been two weeks since I left Younkers (my last day was Sat May 26th) and one week since I left Sioux City (Sat June 2nd)

Monday I had my first day of training. My trainers name was Casey. She is a former CP and has been at Mousegear for about a year. She is leaving to go work at Toy Story Land which is exciting. I was surprised to find out that they were considering me a “Transfer” and that I would not have to go back to DU for anything. Traditions you have to redo after 6 months (I’m at about 10 months) Dday makes sense since Epcot is new to me, but one day of training? I’ll take it as a vote of confidence but I am not sure I remember everything on the register, and it’s still a new location, things work differently. Casey was great with me through the day and I was so tired and probably not always coherent but I learned alot and got to ask her alot of the questions I had. We ended up arranging for me to have another day of Training on Thursday (her last day is Friday) and then my first regular shift will be on Friday. It kinda feels like I’m her replacement in some type of way. hmm...I’ve met two leaders so far and they seem nice, I also found out one of the coordinators is from MSE (Hi Catie) so I’ll be seeing her. I got HUB access, still deciding if I want to do Food&Wine, took the days off my mom wanted me too, looked at Rostr and took note of the CPs currently staffed at MG. There are currently 30 including myself that are listed as American Cps so that’s cool. Very few guys.There are 5 other guys (Dalton, Grady, Aaron, Charles, and Raul) and one former CP also named Aaron. I do not know how many Cps are new or old or extended or leaving soon (SA, Spring Extenders, Summer Alum etc) I hope I can find some people that can be my work friends but we’ll see....I’ll know soon enough who my allies are and who is not. I’m sure there will be new Cps coming for the Fall program too. On Sunday I decided to try to open Grindr and see who’s out there. I will keep it open for a week and see how it goes. If there’s no one of interest I’ll probably just delete again and wait til August when there’s new people here. I’ve had some of the same guys hit me up which is pretty funny. It’s super disappointing about the lack of guys and options but I will not let guys bring me down. I know they are missing out on what I have to offer so it’s really there loss. (and once you’ve turned me down, do not thing I will give you second chance, I will ignore you)

The main thing is that the people you see most are the people you live with and work with. I’m sure I’ll be getting to see some familiar faces of other castmembers at Epcot, Cps and non Cps, which I am excited about because there’s a lot of cool people that work there! Getting on a routine and figuring out the timing of everything is what I need to work on. Casey showed me that path from the Cast building (I got a locker) to sneak out by Test Track and then walk into the CDS. (the only place you can clock-in) The tunnel is super interesting but the break area is ...underwhelming. Very few selections for food. I never used the temp lockers before but I might here, we’ll see. If it’s raining I might have an umbrella with me. The only bathrooms are down there as well. Another weird thing is that you can’t have water bottles on stage, you have to leave them backstage which might be hard for me, we’ll see. I’ll like the fact that the store doesn’t stay open as late as MK and CPs usually get 2 days off per week. I still need to get new shoes, more socks, and trading pins (I’ll wear the “Earning My Ears” badge as well I suppose. I got my costume and it’s cute! Had a hard time with the pants but found my size. The shirt can be awkward but you just kinda of have to let it hang I guess. I have Tuesday and Wednesday off. Tuesday I had a headache and stayed in all day, later I went to Epcot and watched Illuminations for the first time and got some yummy fishNchips at the UK. I did not know there was extra magic hours so I hung out there til about 11, even though you can’t do any rides. I still need to make a “Disney Do” list but I’m slowly working my through. I don’t plan on picking up shifts ever but we’ll see. I should be open to that I suppose. Not until I have Mousegear down anyway. One more day of training which I’m sure will be alot and then my first days of work will be Friday, Saturday and Sunday. with Tuesday and Wednesday off. We’ll see how it goes! Fake it til you make it I guess. I obviously don’t want to look stupid or awkward, I don’t want to bother anyone with a bunch of questions, or have a bad attitude or have a bad experience with guests. I’ll just do the best I can! So far here has been pretty good, my first week has come and gone and week 2 is fastly moving! My main goals here are to have fun, do a good job, be on time, not let myself get sad or lonely, do more things that I didn’t get to the last time, and try to focus more on the future and my career. I want to use the program to build myself up, not let it tear me down. A fresh start and a second chance is just what I needed, I will miss my mom and Sioux City but this is where I need to be. I can work on keeping my money in check and use my time wisely. My goal is to slowly get on a routine by July 4th ish, one month mark. For sure by the time the transition period happens in August. Summer is my favorite time of the year though so I really just want to enjoy June and July and see what the future has in store. I am sure there are many twists and turns in the road between now and January.