#i simply have never seen him act/look masc

[mlm-mod-taka]

Could I get Mondo Owada reacting to being called “pretty boy”? Preferably with easily flustered!Mondo. (I’m genderfluid, so masc or gn are both fine for me!)

CALLING HIM "PRETTY BOY" • mondo x gn reader

hello anon, thank you for requesting! i really missed writing for mondo, i seem to have forgotten how much i loved him. my crush on him is part of the reason why i chose taka! other than the fact that i love taka and relate heavily to him, of course. writing this made me remember why he was one of my favorites. thank you all for the support towards my return! it means alot to me. anyways, i hope you enjoy this, anon!

tws/cws: (flustered) yelling, mentions of past toxic masculinity.

|| -> mod taka <3

he'd be caught off guard by someone calling him "pretty". people used alot of words to describe him. words like scary, unruly, rude, loud, obnoxious, the list goes on. it happened so often that he got used to those kind of adjectives being attached to him.

there was also his toxic masculinity making things harder for him, as usual. he always thought "pretty" was something reserved for girls, and was meant to be taken as an insult if it was said to a man. he remembers a few of his physically weaker/shorter members being called a pretty boy by other gangs as a way to tease them.

he was trying to work on it though, with alot of help from chihiro and taka. being a man wasn't just about how you looked, it was about how you carried yourself and treated others, he needed to remind himself of that. even if it was a slow improvement, he was still making progress.

so when you stared dreamily at him as he dried his hair while letting out a big yawn, and you whispered "you're such a pretty boy" in a voice so full of love and admiration, his brain fully short circuited.

i feel like how he'd react after recovering from the initial flusteredness would depend on how long you two have known each other. but either way, he's definitely gonna blush and be super shy. this is mondo we're talking about!

if things were still new and fresh between you two, his nervous habit of yelling would activate, saying that he wasn't pretty, you were pretty! have you seen yourself? you were the prettiest pretty to have ever prettied! why are you calling him pretty instead?!

he sounds angry, but you knew he wasn't, this was just how he reacted to something he wasn't used to. you remember this is how he acted as well when you called him handsome at the beginning of your relationship. you just continued to admire him as he carried you in front of a mirror to show yourself just how pretty you were.

now, if you two have known each other for awhile, he'd react much less explosively, looking away with a blush as he pouted, grumbling "im not pretty..." under his breath while he avoided eye contact with you.

you simply continued to watch him with a smile while his face turned more and more red at your attention, trying to ignore the amused and loving look you gave him.

and he'll throw the towel at your face if you try to tease him about his blushing, resorting back to yelling about how you should stop looking at him like that, the blushing continuing to deepen as he storms off to calm himself down in the bathroom.

he just needed some time to warm up to you more, and to also warm up to those kind of words being attached to him. he'll get there eventually, you just needed to be patient and gentle with him.

the final stage is you two knowing each other for a long time, being completely used to the others attitude and sharing vulnerable things that youd never feel comfortable sharing with anyone else.

if you call him a pretty boy then, he'll still blush and act bashful at first, but will wear a cocky smile after he recovers from the initial reaction. "hmph. damn right im a pretty dude, and dont you forget it!" he lets out a laugh as he continues to dry his hair with a happy look and blush on his face.

as the time you spent together goes on, he'd be more and more accepting of new things you introduce him to. you helped him step out of his comfort zone and grow out of bad habits without rushing him or forcing him.

while he still thinks the adjective "pretty" doesn't fit him well, a compliment from his beloved is still a compliment from his beloved at the end of the day. he'll happily take it, after alot of nervous shouting and while wearing a red face.

and, you didn't hear this from me, but he's super flattered at being called pretty. he thinks about it at night, smiling to himself as he remembers how lucky he is to have someone that genuinely tries to understand him, and loves him for who he actually is. he loved you so much, he hopes you knew that.

[hetfieldlovebot]

mustaine x trans masc reader

req:3 dave ask who cheered!! im not a dave main but i tried my best

the prompt i was given waaaas

“late 80s dave and a groupie have a quickie in the dressing room between megadeth’s main set and the encore”

-

between the loud cheers of the audience outside and the bumbling about of drunkards in the dressing room, you were not even sure if you should have come here. megadeth were huge and it was a miracle you had even got into the after party.

the crowd cheering for an encore didn’t go unnoticed by you, you sigh and sink back into the couch you’d taken residence in for the last two hours.

swiftly interrupted by dave bashing his way in through the door, weaving around the drunkards in an adrenaline fuelled frenzy. looking for the first person he could get his hands on and use for his own desires.

groupies. unaffectionately called by others but to him, objects. objects of his possession that he could get anything he wanted from. he’d even taken to making a mental list of his conquests but noticing you, the small meek figure slumped on the couch like it was gonna consume you at any moment. it intrigued him.

“you.”

he said it so simply, with force. a cocky grin splayed across his face, he had no time to waste, grabbing you by the arm and leading you into the room over, conveniently empty.

without a word, somehow you’re lifted and pushed down onto a table, not a sound indicating whether you were for or against this.

“hello sweetheart, haven’t seen you around before. just gonna use you while i have a few minutes.”

you look at him dazed, blood running with adrenaline but you decided to make this a game. it was your first time in a situation like this and you wanted the control. to see your mighty idol crumble before your eyes.

“no.”

“excuse me? what did you say?” he chuckled and raised a brow, eager hands reaching for the buttons on your jeans. you make no attempt to stop him but just look at him, not displaying any discernible emotion, unlike the usual groupie who would practically beg to be in your position.

“no. i’m okay thanks”

he laughed and shook his head, looking down at you with intensity as if your protest was fuelling the fire further.

“you’re a funny one, but don’t lie to me now. this is what you’re here for no? to get me off, to make your favourite musician feel good?”

he slides down your jeans, taking his time to run his fingers down your thighs tenderly squeezing at them.

“im quite alright thank you, i don’t give out to those who don’t ask.” your voice steady, a softness to it but not in a way he’d seen before. he was impressed.

“awww come on pretty, don’t act like that you know you want it.”

he hooks his finger around the middle of your underwear pushing it aside and baring all of you. the slick in between your folds dripping down, betraying what was coming out of your mouth.

“i-“

“knew it, look at that pretty pussy, dripping just for me. i’ll be honest i don’t have a lot of time, so are you gonna help me out or not?” his face curved into a devilish smile. pulling himself out and prepping with a few strokes, his throbbing cock almost pointing at you.

“beg for it.” your voice confident but your body squirming slightly.

“the fuck did you just say to me?”

“i said, beg for it. surely you know how to ask nicely?”

he broke out in laughter and pulled your underwear down completely. ripping them off your ankles and chucking them to the side. shaking his head as if it was completely preposterous what you were asking.

“oh you want me to beg for it do you? you want me to get on my knees? tsk. i had you pinned down for a difficult one but i thought you would’ve caved a lot sooner.”

he leaned down and whispered into your ear

“but ill give you what you want, alright? and then heres whats gonna happen, im going to fuck the shit out of you, so hard you’ll never forget how i feel. absolutely ruin you for anyone else, all in a few minutes. and you’re going to take it like a good boy.”

he tilts his head and bites at your neck harshly, sucking the tender skin there, drawing the blood to the surface and marking you deeply. he leans back up and looks down at you with a smirk, almost laughing at your whimpering state.

doe eyed, you look up at him, goosebumps on your skin and hair raised as his words have its effect on you. you keep your poker face, but every time he touched you sounds spilled out as if you weren’t in control of your own body.

he trails his hands down you patiently, groping at your chest, then your hips, a little firmer there and then finally your thighs. swiftly, to your surprise, he buries two fingers deep inside you. he leans down again, lips trailing from your neck to ear before whispering

“please baby, let me fuck you, wanna cum in that pretty pussy so bad…so bad…fuck… you’re so hot. wanna fuck you till you can’t walk, i need it so fucking bad.”

embarrassingly that all it took for you to be gripping his hair and begging him to fuck you. whining and grabbing st his shoulders.

“fuuuuuck, so fucking needy aren’t you? ‘m gonna fuck you so hard, thats what you want hm? bet you’ve been thinking about this all day, praying id choose you. pathetic.”

before you even have a chance to process what he was saying he slips his fingers out of you, lining up and frantically thrusting inside. without a care for your need to adjust, relentlessly chasing his own high.

the burn was overwhelmingly good, slicked enough to take it but you weren’t quite prepared for the actuality. his deep grunts and growls piercing your eardrums as he held you down by one hip and the other groping you wherever he could reach. your chest, your other hip pushing you further, slamming his own against you.

the table underneath you shaking with his strength and the filthy sounds of the mess at where you joined would surely be heard by passing partygoers. your own sounds growing louder as he thrusted impossibly deep, hitting right at the sweet spot.

“yeahh taking my fat cock so good, letting it split you open and just letting me use you as i please. so pretty like this. fuck.”

his movements become more rapid and desperate as you whine, clawing at his back and scratching deep marks down it, something he’d remember you by.

“d-dave…i-i..”

“thats right pretty boy, cum on me, make a mess all over this dick. let me feel it while i fill you” he growled in your ear, rutting his hips faster, so close to his own breaking point.

you gasp as you feel the sensation build in your stomach, fuzziness travelling down your thighs and up to your head as you moan loudly, calling his name over and over and over again.

you squeeze your thighs around him in a desperate attempt to pull him closer somehow as if it could even be possible. tipping over your edge and cumming hard making an utter mess.

he’s not far behind and as he feels you clench down on him, he lets out a growl that could only be described as heavenly as he let himself go. his fingers digging into your hips as he came hard, filling you up and even in the aftershock of it all he was still just fucking his cum into you, making sure you felt every last part.

he pulled out of you, smirking and pulling his jeans back up, hearing the crowd still chanting for encore as you were sat there half naked and completely fucked out, thighs still shaking.

he raises his brow and shakes his head before speaking in a cocky tone.

“you better hope i don’t see you again, cause i won’t be so nice next time.”

[crownedmango]

Jay and Silent Bob Headcannons

Figured I’d finally post these here, Probably super unoriginal but shhh

—————————

•Silent Bob is cannonically Gay! As for other things, I think it’s the usual cis male with He/Him pronouns and all that jazz- but he’s slaying regardless

•As for Jay, I’m not sure what his actual confirmed orientation is, but I believe he’s pansexual with a heavy lean towards males/masc presenting (and has definetly struggled with that part of him-)! He probably uses He/They pronouns too- look at him- GNC lookin’ motherfucker

•They sell a shit ton of weed during the pride parades they go to! They adore the events and do practically every activity available to them. Their best seller is the joints rolled in rainbow papers and the multicolored weed inside. They will also beat the ever loving fuck out of cops and assholes trying to cause problems - Somehow they never get hurt during this… probably because someone above is watching them do it with a warm smile on her face

•Jay Doodles, a LOT - All while Silent Bob was using his creativity to be an engineering and tech genius, Jay was focusing on his music and art. The two obviously didn’t go into any job fields, but they still very much have these skills refined. Jay mostly shows his talent off with his constant singing and dancing, but from time to time he’ll get out a sketchbook and pencil and start doodling whatever comes to mind… We’ll just say it’s mostly Silent Bob he draws, he is his muse after all!

•Jay is a loud mouth and Silent Bob is- well- Silent, obviously- but regardless, they sometimes switch these roles and Jay is actually a way better listener than most people think. Silent Bob only ever really talks when he needs to, is telling his Chasing Amy tale, or when it’s just him and Jay and he feels safe

•Jay collects a lot of trinkets. Shiny things, Nerdy stuff, whatever people decide to try and trade in for weed- things like that, and Silent Bob is more than happy to keep it safe in that trench coat of his until they get back to the apartment

•Speaking of said Trench Coat, Jay will hide himself against Silent Bob and keep himself tucked away in said coat and against the other, especially if it’s too cold out. Jay’s gone “missing” on occasion because of this

•You’ve never seen PDA before until you’ve seen these bitches. Yeah normally they’re just standing around, goofing off, but they also end up very handsy with one one another, holding hands, holding one another, kisses, the whole shabang! Anyone interrupts them while it’s happening and they’ll simply gaslight you into believing otherwise or just act like nothing happened

•Silent Bob actually works out quite a bit, so he’s more-so muscle than he is fat, though he’s still got quite a bit of chub - and Jay goes crazy for it despite the more-so “mean” nicknames. Jay always sits and politely (ferally- actually-) watches the other work out - Jay acts as a hype man the whole time and is in charge of the tunes that play

•Jay has a horrible habit of Stealing Silent Bob's shirts to wear around the house on lazy days to the point most of Silent Bob’s wardrobe is in Jays room, and he has to always go in and take all his stuff back

•As mentioned before they’re totally cool with PDA, but sometimes they have to be more discrete due to just how the people around them act and feel about it, so something Silent Bob likes to do is light Jays joints with his Cigarette, and Jay goes crazy for it every single time

•They totally shotgun their joints too

•The only person whose opinions Jay cares about is Silent Bobs, everyone else is practically white noise to him, and he always brushes them off or quips back with something brutal. When Silent Bob has something negative to tell him, gets angry or annoyed with him, anything of the sort, Jay feels like he’s shattered into a million pieces, and it takes him a moment to recollect himself again, and he always goes unnaturally quiet for a while, but the two always have an eventual heart to heart about it, and things are quick to be patched up and worked on. Silent Bob rarely does get upset at Jay though, playfully annoyed at most, as being with the blonde every second of everyday he’s learned extreme patience for the other - especially since Jays mouth always moves faster than his brain 90% of the time

•They always take care of each others hair given how long they have it, however Jay’s usually needs higher maintenance given how blonde and long it is and god knows that man couldn't sit still long enough to take care of it himself (Some Days Silent Bob practically has to wrangle the other in long enough for him enough to even brush it)

•Jay’s very sensitive on the scalp and ears, and people have a terrible habit of trying to feel his hair without asking due to its general length, Softness, and almost impossible golden color, so he constantly makes sure he’s wearing his beanies (he feels naked without them regardless of the touchy problem). The only time he lets someone touch those areas is of course Silent Bob, who always gently works his fingers through the other’s hair and knows just exactly what causes the other to practically melt and purr from the sensation

•Silent Bob and Jay actually both know ASL since Silent Bob is a selective mute, but Silent Bob tends to play charades or use his phone for emojis cause he thinks it’s funnier to make everyone guess

•They slow dance with one another quite a lot - It was one of the few things that caught Jays attention when he’d sit and endure those “stupid romancey chick flicks” that Silent Bob liked to watch, and he had instantly clung onto the idea.. now it’s just something they do every now and again

•Usually Silent Bob does all the fighting on behalf of Jay, since the loud mouth is prone to getting himself into a handful of situations - a lot of the situations are mind blowing on how he even managed to get himself there - and Silent Bob is his muscle anyways, so it’s expected by most. Silent Bob usually can step in and swing before anything can even happen to Jay, but if the blonde gets hurt to any degree it’s like something snaps in Silent Bob, and he becomes an immovable force, a powerhouse, A- well- you get it, he gets scary.. he managed to effortlessly toss two angels out of a moving train after all. Jay always swoons when watching the other fight for him, practically sends tingles down his spine every time

•They go on double dates with Dante and Randal from time to time, and by God it is always an experience, the two chatter boxes that are Jay and Randal, are constantly going back and forth about whatever comic, movie or insane train of thought they managed to land on the entire time, while Silent Bob and Dante sit quietly and listen to the other two, they exchange unspoken words from time to time, Dante always breaking his silence however to scold Randal or defend himself from whatever insane “fact” Randal had spouted out, which then causes the two to go on and on about whatever it had been while Jay and Silent Bob sit and laugh at the bickering couple. It’s always a nice time though, they’ve all become better friends over time and they’re like an odd little family

•Their wedding wasn’t all that much really, a simple little party with their friends, Dante and Randal the best men obviously - and of course, God herself there to officiate the wedding.. The Metatron did most of the talking though. Their rings are simple golden bands with eachothers names engraved on the inner part of the rings, most of the time they keep them somewhere else like in a pocket or around their neck, or leave them at home, they say it’s because they don’t want to risk losing them, but really they know how harassed they’d constantly be harassed by the “redneck inbred fuckheads” that come around

•It’s VERY easy for Jay to get sick in the winter, and when that happens, Silent Bob has to practically tie the man down to the bed because the blonde simply refuses to actually lay in bed and rest, always wanting to get up and do something. Once Jay knows he can’t escape the others mother henning behaviour, he gets fucking whiney.

[semimedieval]

the chuji and obsidian date, part 2: you, uh, you look.... beautiful

Chuji and Obsidian arrive home, completely unshaken by their date's brief foray into Robberie And Crieme, and find themselves accosted by Charlie.

I can forgive Obsidian's *eyes bug out* A DATE? behavior earlier by the fact that, apparently, going on a date in Indikum is roughly equivalent to getting engaged. Or maybe Charlie's just like this. Who's to say.

Chuji and Obsidian got home, only to be attacked by Charlie who shrieked "HAVE YOU SEEN MY SPARK?!" "Ehehehe....no? Couldn't she have, I dunno, gone shopping?" Obsidian asked weakly. Charlie ran around in circles, Chuji frowned "Uh Charlie. Obsidian and I have to get going on our date if you cou-" Charlie's face stared into chujis eyes "WHAAAAAAAAAT?!" Obsidian's eyes went big. He backed away from Charlie. "OH MY GOSH! Where are you doing?! A daaaaaaaaaaaaaate?!" He straightened and did a little soldier pose "Obsidian, you are a brave man.. COME ALONG!" charlie grabbed his hand and tossed him into the bedroom "Ahh! What?" Obsidian panicked. Charlie dove into the wardrobe and tossed out kilts, tees, gloves and jackets "YOU JUST HAAAVE TO WEAR A TIEEEEEE!" "What in the world? NO WAY! Chuji told me a date was just a sit-down meal!" "NO WAY!" Charlie yelled "A date is a step forward! Higher into love!" He twirled around That sounded ominous.

It does not sound that ominous. Once again, Obsidian is taking losses in the Try To Act Like You Like Your Own Girlfriend Challenge. But that said, Charlie is definitely also being a freak here. No winners all around.

"I really don't know about the fancy clothes, though...." He shoved the bundle of clothes at obsidian "Put these on! I'll get Chuji care of!" he dashed and locked the door behind him. he skipped down the hallway giggling "Chuuuuuujiiiiii!"

First off: Augustine writing Charlie makes Jack writing Charlie look realist and understated.

Secondly: I can understand Obsidian's reluctance to wear a tie. I think Gabe and I would have also probably opposed dressing up tie-level formal for our first date, but then that was at Soup and Taco. If you think about it, Colin is our Charlie (facilitates us dressing up and doing a romantic thing we've never done before together, which one of us had staunchly opposed prior to the event. In our case the romantic thing was 'dancing', not 'going on a date', but still. Really makes you think.)

That said, I have to stop applying real-world logic to Chuji and Obsidian's relationship in Adventures of the Extranei: Element Powers RPG. There is simply none to be found.

Then I insert Quartz back into the scene, nonsensically, for the pure purpose of this bit. Which, you know, fair enough.

Quartz had dropped home for a minute because she'd forgotten something. "Obsidian?" she called through the door. "Are you sulking again?" Charlie turned and grabbed quartz hands skipping and swinging her around "CHUJI AND OBSIDIAN ARE GOING ON A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!" Miles away, Monoceros thought he heard someone scream the word 'date'. Quartz unlocked the door and came inside to find Obsidian struggling. "Obsidian?" "Oh, hello, Quartz," he said absentmindedly. "Do you by any chance know how to tie a tie?" "Of course not!" Quartz said indignantly. "Go ask Charlie or something." Giving up, Obsidian draped the tie over a chair and went to find Chuji. Quartz went back to Spark and told her about what was going on, giggling the whole way through.

Quartz, later in your life, advanced iterations with you will be hit with the Masc Academia Swag beam as per my personal whims, and then you will know how to tie a tie in adulthood, and probably better than Obsidian. But hey, the good news is that a) Obsidian got what he wanted out of the night and did not, in fact, wear a tie, and b) this scene is cute in 2.0 :)

In the doorway of one of the spare rooms, she paused to watch Obsidian try to find his way into a tailored black jacket with a smile; he and Chuji must have been getting ready for their date. She’d never seen him wear formal garb since Sylva’s funeral, which must have accounted for some of his discomfort.  “Hey, don’t feel nervous,” she said cheerfully. “You guys are going to have tons of fun - just relax a little bit.”  He looked up and smiled a little bit. “Worry about your own love life, Quartz,” he said firmly. “Unless you have any idea how to tie a tie - then you can probably worry about mine until I’ve got myself together.”  “You know you’re fine as you are, right?”  “Charlie insisted.” Obsidian frowned. “It’s an expensive place, apparently.”  “Well, tell us all about it. Give her a kiss, won’t you?” Spark winked at Obsidian companionably and pulled Quartz down the stairs, leaving him to struggle with the glossy length of red silk

Sometimes I give 2.0 a lot of shit for its characters not behaving like real people, and then I remember the standard of adherence to 1.0 that it sets for itself and suddenly it's a masterclass in characterization.

But meanwhile, Chuji, too, is getting dressed. Concurrently with this sleepover happening, Augustine was sketching the dress and Chuji's entire look. It's maybe buried somewhere in a Scratch project, and maybe isn't. We'll never know and it's not good etiquette to roll up to Kelly and Misha's house and ask.

Augustine and I are doing RP With Ourselves crimes here, but it's okay because we're sitting in the same room and giggling wildly the whole time.

Charlie skipped away with a dress in his arms "LOOK Chuji! ISN'T THIS PRETTY?!" Chuji gawked at Charlie Charlie walked over to Chuji. "here." he said calmly (?!) Chuji stared at the dress. Chuji slipped the dress over her head and fixed it Chuji gawked at the girl in the mirror. She was wearing a knee white strapless dress with ruffels a silk purple sash and on the bottom was a purple pattern. The mirror girl blushed and stared. Charlie popped his head in the girls room "I'll be curling your hair and doing your make up!" Chuji spinned around "Make up?!" "Of course!" he leaped into the room and tossed chuji onto a chair in front of a mirror. He held back his laughter as he put on blush.

Things that it's easy to forget in the dire preteen behavior climate of today: makeup was as foreign to us as 'going on dates' was, and none of us ever wore it until the very end of eighth grade or so. In fact, the SBA handbook had fairly specific and strict guidelines about what kind of makeup you were even allowed to wear. The most notable Makeup Wearer we knew was meredith, whom we hadn't met yet. Our standard for preteen 'makeup wearer' enmity was Redhead Girl's Enthusiastic First Mascara Experience. I don't know if Jack, Augustine, and I would have survived middle school in the tiktok era.

Anyway, Obsidian wonders how Lupus manages to wear stiff button downs every day (you KNOW it's real when you give him your texture sensitivities AGAIN!!!!!), and sits down to wait for Chuji while Charlie completes her 80s movie makeover, which of course is what Adventures of the Extranei really needed. This, of course, mandates Obsidian pulling a "Wow, um. You look... you look beautiful."

The girl that came out of the girls' room wasn't his Chuji. Obsidian stood there, gaping at her. Chuji muttered as Charlie pushed her outside "now repeat after me; grande bay restuant on tenth tail street!" "Hands off now." chuji growled little flames in her hands "Hello," he said, as if he were meeting her for the first time. "I'm Obsidian." Then he realized how silly that sounded and laughed. It was still Chuji, after all. The flames died "Hi obsidian. I'm a girl who has been attacked by Charlie." "Nice to meet you," he laughed, kissing her cheek. Chuji blushed and laughed. "Now then. Charlie made me repeat our restaurants address fifteen times so we are good to go." "That's good," he answered, and they started down the street.

Despite the heinous 90s cliche vibes of this exhange, it has rights for small things, like Chuji being completely fed up with charlie's trope enforcement, the acceptably sweet banter, and Obsidian living up to Boyfriend Bare Minimum standards for once and kissing Chuji's cheek.

I do think - like I've said before - that there is something compelling about the idea that these two people whose default modes of existence are Living Together and Dying For Each Other going on a normal date in a normal town. This is why the robbery is silly - because their night in Siren's Point should feel foreign by way of its peace and normalcy, should tempt them rightfully into thinking, "we are just kids. why can't we have kid problems?"

I thought I'd be able to swing splitting the Chujisidian date into just two parts, but predictably, getting ready is now getting a post of its own and the date itself will be returned to in part three. But first, my new letters of rec project probably bears taking a glance at.

[bts-mbti]

Oh! What do you mean about Jimin falling back on masculinity (not sounding accusatory or anything!) he always seemed flexible to me after accepting himself u know with what the heck is men, hurry up and be me someday, and esp w filter, he just seems to embody both masculine and feminine energy to me really well which is partly why he’s one of my favorites

i spent some time trying to figure out how to point this out, but it's honestly pretty simple. jimin's still not actually comfortable with his femininity because his femininity is conditional on his masculinity to be allowed to exist.

jimin has taken ownership of his femininity, which is far (Far) above where he began his internalized misogyny journey. and none of this is to discredit his growth & the fact that he is still the most challenging to gender norms in the group and that i love him to fucking bits for it. but true self-acceptance is unconditional, which is difficult for type 2s and 3s, especially when they wing each other. 2's nature is to be in conflict with what it wants, 3's is to be oblivious to what it wants, and they both turn to other people/the world to find it. the combination, particularly on a sx/so type like jimin, is a pretty intense lack of stable self-worth, which intersects in a nasty way to his r/s with gender.

without elaborating too much on gender politics, jimin searching for what the world rewards (w3) to be loved (2-core) leads him to cisheteronormative gender roles that i remain unconvinced he naturally falls into or wants to participate in, and just desires because he's internalized gender as intrinsic to his worth as a person.

a person is more than their gender or gender expression. jimin has yet to internalize this, even tho he’s internalized that it’s okay for him to be feminine in some ways (and does not look at other people this way). i’d describe it as him having one foot in the water of deconstructing his r/s with gender, but he isn’t willing to go further yet (or maybe doesn’t realize there’s further to go). probably bc there’s something he’s avoiding in the deep end.

but when i said he falls back onto masculinity, i meant exactly that. when jimin's unhappy or going through a hard time he craves masculinity. it doesn't always translate to his exterior, but it always shows up in his behavior (classic 2 -> 8 disintegration, in a gendered hat). this is stereotypical low Si behavior as well--desiring what's familiar in the face of committed change even if (especially if) it's not healthy.

it's funny bc i wrote this after i’d just seen his weverse magazine photo where he's posing shirtless all sexy-man-like, and he's quoted literally saying "i want to be better, and cooler". cool is a gendered term for jimin, and korea as a whole as i understand it. i don't think him using better and cool together is a coincidence, nor is it that this is coming up as he faces doing solo work (which he's clearly insecure abt) & their emotional break.

[ilycorisradiata]

don't leave

ಌ don't leave: scaramouche x masc!reader

ಌ theme: after finding out who really had caused ruin to the kaedehara clan, you express your distrust in the balladeer.

ಌ cw: masc reader, no pronouns used for reader, only "good boy" used to describe reader, sfw, swearing, (slight) angst

ಌ wc: 721

ಌ notes: just a lil drabble in between fics n studying, i was listening to too many sad songs lol

“I’m not sure I can trust you anymore.” You whisper as he looks down at you from some stairs in Inazuma city. His glowing indigo eyes, staring at you in the dead of night. Emotion swirling in those orbs, but his face trained to show nothing of the sort.

“What do you mean by that, exactly?” He shifted, a jingle coming from the ornamental accessories that hung from his hat. Glowering at you, as if you’d insulted his whole being and everything he’d worked hard on all these years.

“I can’t seem to trust you after what you did. I thought I understood why you are the way you are, but I don’t know anymore.” Looking to him, hoping for some miracle that he’d stop putting up that wall of his and tell you that you could trust him. That he’s worth trusting, that he is actually doing the right thing. It was deathly quiet. Your hands sweating and shaking, closing them into fists to keep Scaramouche from knowing.

You had just found out through Ayato that Scaramouche was the one raking through Kaedehara clan's belongings, and that he was the one behind what had happened to Kazuha and his family. You were hating the fact that you had to keep it a secret, that you knew who ruined Kazuha, his bloodline... Staring up at him, searching for anything, even if it were a slight bit of remorse.

“I’ve always been like this, and I’ll continue to be like this. You know of my goals, and I aim to achieve them.” He scoffs at you, turning away and looking over his shoulder

“You claimed to have known me… but you never had a clue about me, not a single. fucking. clue. You act as though you’re some good boy to them all, that you can do no wrong… Being with me contradicts that, and you will soon also hurt those around you. Just like I have.” Whispering that last part to himself, he walks away from you. You didn’t want it to end like this and you’d come to care for him over the lasting months, you wanted him to at least show that he hated what he did. That he wasn’t some violent monster people made him out to be, that he was just someone who was misunderstood. He could be saved, and he could be stopped if he’d just let you in.

You reached for his hand, holding onto it and he stops in his tracks. He doesn’t turn to you, simply letting a crackling of electro swarm around your hands as a warning. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you, and he knew you knew. However, he was that violent monster people made him out to be, and it was all being driven by the things he’d heard and seen since he was created.

He’d known from the start that there’d be consequences in getting close to you, that you’d make him crumble and regret the things he’d done. Because he already did, and every time he did something, the thought of you suffocated him. Had he met you the day he’d woken up again, if you’d been there this whole time, maybe he wouldn’t have done this. Maybe he wouldn’t have taken the hand the Fatui outstretched to him that day, and maybe he wouldn’t feel like this. All of this was because of you.

“Kunikuzushi…” You squeezed his hand, anything to get him to look at you. He did eventually turn to you, and you could see the way his face contorted in regret.  Regret for everything, and that he was too far gone from having people forgive him.

“Please, don’t leave.” He tried to tug away at your hand, to leave. But how could he? He was already wavering because you did make him wish this had been different, that he could be with you normally. Meeting in secret, practically betraying the trust of your friends for him… He didn’t deserve you. He had to leave.

Looking at you with tears thinly lining his eyes and trying to blink them away, realising he was showing vulnerability. Eventually pulling his hand away from yours, he turns on his heel to leave you for good this time, leaving you standing there in the bitter cold of that night.

[will1]

MY FRIEND ASKED ME 4 MY LGBT TF2 HCS!!! i wrote a bunch of paragraphs 4 the guy and thought i might as well post em here 2 lol. never done a hc post but why not. ALSO i am sorry if these r bad takes plz have mercy on me scout- unfortunately has alot of internelized homophobia so he acts like,,, super duper straight and masc 2 appear as hetero to both his brothers and the other mercs. chases women and LOVES WOMEN BOOB WOMEN to keep this up, but after seeing how litereally everyone else is gay and realizing that it is NOT BAD!!! he chooses LOVE WINS, so in short bi becuz he is BI HIMSELF ((also ive heard alot of trans hcs and i like that idea, either for him being ftm or mtf later down the line   pyro- genderfluid?? more like,,, genger GASOLINE, fire burn fire. probably has like a gay autistic who loves fire flag saved on their phone. uses all pronouns and has multiple neo pronouns but in the same way they r nonbinary in general?? i thinks, id ont know if hes r ace or if they have jst not found someone they have a crush on, in the same way i think shed get really silly crushes on people like shawn mendes or something. also pan and does not care about gender at all  engineer!!!- ppl think that he is straight, these people are WRONG!!!  i think he'd b bi without the urself way!! maybe influenced by pyro and has tried he/them pronousn b4, hot single dad looking for other dads  demoman- OUUUGH he is  silly 2 me, absoloutely wild with gender presentation and i would htink he absoloutely would show up to bars wearing makeup and painting his nails or wearing skirts ((hehahe scottish) and ROCKING IT. uses any pronouns even tho he still prefers he/him. pan sexual and when drunk or sober flirts with any attractive person in the vicinity. does not depend on who it is  soldier- LOVES MEN((and also zhanna)), GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS LESBIANS (saw something about people asking him(usa) for his(usas) pronouns and he just screams america at them, usa/usas LOL)  sphee- like demoman in the way i think he gets manicures and wears really lavish dresses. definetely wiill sleep witj anyone no matter gender, win 4 all sluts ever /j spy would wear those damn expensive I just killed my husband robez….  snipaoer-  DEFINETELY demisexual, scared of litreally any relationship ever and if u touch him he will explode and migt start crying LOL,  has never really thought about his sexuality cause that means actually acknowledging the idea that anyone besides his poor parents will ever love him and THAT IS NOT A THING??? duh :/, simply exists in a state of completely unlabeled and 2 scared to thing any harder about it lol, meeting spy is the most emotional damge that life has implanted onto him the last 2 accidently just became backstory headcanons instead of lgbt ones, oops  heavy!!!- like sniper never really thought about it,, all hes ever seen has been straight people so he never evn rlly thought that being gay was like... a option. also never really had many real life crushes on people as a kid and thought the guy celebs were a bit prettier then the womenz, did not think about this either. meeting medic was like a whole new thing 4 him cause 1, first person hes ever been emotionally attached 2 very much besides his family. and 2, its a guy. was  confusing 4 him to figure out at such a late age but didnt scare him 2 much, and also his whole family was like YIPPEE!!!!! our lovely misha finally has a date thank god. they r all so supportive and love hearing about medic whenever heavy sends letters. heavy writes about him alot, his mom alwas asks when they r gonna have a grandson and heavy is like,, ma??? were gay, and his families all like, ADOPT A KID ,, heavy is not sure about medic being a dad LOL ((sorruy this became a heavymedic hcs instead of just heavy hcs, but i feel like medic is important to his lbgt-ness)) MEDIC.0- saving the one im least sure about 4 last- apparently he had a wife in the past but i think this was just to please his parents and 2 appear straight cuz this weirdo is a RAGING homosexual. poor wife had it rough and thought he was cheating the whole time, sad loveless marriage for both of em. in his teen years he was a part of alot of lgbt and punk groups in germany bcuz it is funny 2 imagine him with his hair all spiked or somethign eagain medic prob did not protest as a 20-something cuz he didnt wanna lose his medical liscense, doesnt matter cuz he did anyways LOL. but now that he is old he absoloutely loves it and litearlly does wahtever he wants, i think he likes to look nice, as in wear sweaters and button ups and nice shoes and slacks when he is not working. he is like a gay mr rogers

[plague-of-insomnia]

The Case Files of Jeweler Richard, Manga, Volume 1, Ch 1, Pages 1-2 — Translation & Vocabulary

I am slowly working my way through the first manga volume and taking meticulous notes to help improve my reading fluency.

I’ll share some of my notes here on tumblr for anyone who may be interested/find it helpful. (I have not included any notes about particles or individual kanji.)

Please keep in mind I am self study and while I have done my best to ensure accuracy, it’s possible I could have made some mistakes.

Below the vocab I’ll include the resources I regularly use.

I shouldn’t need to say this, but this whole process has taken a lot of time and energy, so please respect that. Don’t take credit for stuff that isn’t yours, but feel free to use this if you find it helpful for your own learning process. (Or you’re just anxious for the official English release.)

~~ This is a series: {Part 1} {Part 2} {Part 3} {Part 4}~~

~~#~~

Manga Title: 宝石商リチャード氏の謎鑑定

Original Japanese:

いまだかつてこんなに美しい人間におれはお目にかかつたことがない

いわゆるあれを本気で信じるところだつた

人助けから始まる運命のなんちゃらをー

My Translation:

I’d never seen someone so beautiful before. From the moment I saved him, I began to believe that such a thing as “fate” truly exists.

~~#~~

Vocabulary

宝石商 (ほうせきしょう) - jeweler, jewelry shop {宝石 alone means gem, jewel}

鑑定 (かんてい) - judgment, expert opinion, appraisal

(い)まだ - as yet, not yet

かつて/かって - once, before, never before, first time, still not happened

こんなに - so, like this, in this way

美しい (うつくしい) - beautiful

人間 (にんげん) - person, human being

おれ (俺) - I/me (masc)

お目にかかる (おめにきる) - to meet or be recognized by someone of higher status {usage in this sentence is past tense)

こと - thing, incident, occurrence, situation; something the speaker doesn’t feel close to; pretending to {this word occurs a lot in this chapter}

ない - nonexistent, not had; indicates negation (inexperience); verb negating suffix

いわゆる (所謂) - so-called, so-to-speak, what it’s called

あれ - that (distant in space, time, psychologically); something understood without directly naming it; that person (same or lower status); “down there” (slang for genitals); period/menses (slang); expression of surprise or suspicion

本気 (ほんき) - seriousness, truth

信じる (しんじる) - to believe (in), place trust in, confide in

ところ + だ - place, site, address, one’s house, part, space, room; as a result; about to, on the verge of + “to be”/state of being

人助け (ひとだすけ) - act of mercy, helping someone else

始まる (はじまる) - to begin, to happen (again), to originate (in), to date (from)

始める (はじめる) - to start, to begin, to originate; to open or establish (a business); to start (doing something)

運命 (うんめい) - fate

なん* - difficulty (難); what, how many, large number of, euphemism for genitals/sex, you-know-what, je ne sais quoi (何); soft (軟)

ちゃら* (ちゃ-) - (can also be written in katakana) forgiving a debt, getting even

*see reblog

~~#~~

Primary Resources

Keep in mind this list isn’t inclusive. It’s simply the apps, sites, and books I use most.

I’ve listed them roughly in order of how much I use them.

Dictionaries:

Shirabe Jisho (iOS app) - my #1 most used japanese app. The dictionary doesn’t have everything, ofc, but it’s available offline, allows you to search in various ways (including drawing kanji), gives sentence examples, and allows you to create word lists and flashcard sets

Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (iOS app) - a good back up for looking up kanji and finding compounds; can also help with lookalike kanji

Nihongo Japanese Dictionary (iOS app) - my backup when I need to confirm or can’t find something in the SJ app

http://thejadednetwork.com/sfx/ - Sound effect and action dictionary, helpful for manga

Romanjidesu.com - online only, but useful, especially if you need to look up sentences or phrases, since the translator will link to the entries. Also will explain inflections for verbs, etc to help you understand and recognize root words, etc.

Translators:

Romanjidesu.com - breaks down sentences by word, then click to access the dictionary entry, but don’t rely on the actual translation

DeepL Translate - no dictionary but the best machine translator I’ve found (and it’s free and fast); great if you’re stuck or want to confirm your own translation/interpretation

Google Translate - definitely not great for Japanese, but can help catch misspellings/look alike kanji sometimes

[gunkyengines]

4, 7, and 9, for the s/i questions if you're still taking them!

Ohhhh my gods @jetsetspy I’m so sorry for answering this question so late ;-; My answers are under the cut!

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

Bellamy doesn’t have much of a backstory just yet, but I do know this:

·         Their family isn’t a huge part of their life, aside from a younger sibling, who, to this day, I have not yet named.

·         They want a sense of belonging somewhere, and have a number of self-image complications (it’s not really a set of “issues” to them, because they’ve found comfort in their body and self over time, but they still have wishes about what they could be seen as—androgyny is a tough line to straddle).

·         They hate the nickname “Bella”.

·         Bells, as far as I’m concerned right now, finds their sense of belonging amongst the ‘Bros ever since they just sorta started… tagging along, I guess? It was just an act of good will from the prince and his guards and a bit of hitchhiking on Bells’ end that got them where they are now.

·         They were originally a bit of a vagabond prior to meeting up with the guys. Hitchhiking, walking absurdly long distances, camping out often, all that jazz.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

Junko is a character who I largely based off of my late-high school self for both self insertion and coping reasons, but a few things do set her apart from me. As in, she’s a pretty close approximation, but by no means is she a direct, direct copy of me.

She’s a student at Kosei Academy, simply due to the fact that I read on the wiki that it’s speculated to be a catholic school (I was brought up in the catholic education system, so, I could find some accuracy and likeness in that), and attended meetings at both the drama and art club there. She has bitter memories of the two clubs, as she was betrayed by the one major figure in both: her childhood friend Hideo Sunjaya. Since then, she’s taken to expressing her creative outlets in circles outside of her student life, and finds her passion in writing. At the time of Persona 5 canon, she’s set on becoming an editor. In the future canon, she does in fact achieve this goal. In this way Junko’s less of a model of who I was, and instead she’s what I hope to be.

She comes from a somewhat broken home, but has a strong relationship with her mother. Despite her current disconnect, Junko feels that she owes it to her parents that she has such a good understanding of her own identity, as they were supportive when she first came out as sapphic, and continued their support when she decided to be GNC and soon after came into her identity as a demigirl.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

Lizzie is a pretty lighthearted simulacrum of a more feminine version of me, translated loosely into the scope of the year 1899. I’m by no means a historian, but here’s Lizzie’s life.

Elizabeth Beaufort is a born and raised resident of the town of Valentine. Her mother is whatever the RDR2 universe’s equivalent of Quebecois French is, having moved to Saint Denis due to a family matter down there, and subsequently met her father. A Valentine resident himself, he beguiled her mother and convinced her to move to Valentine and live as the wife of a livestock owner (he comes from some blue blood ‘round those parts—as mentioned by the VDL in Chapter 2, the town is a goldmine of trade).

As a lady of relative privilege, life was… well, it was what a privileged life is. Sheltered, simple, and for the most part pretty damned easy. However, her naivete wasn’t something that her mother would stand to see Elizabeth keep, as she wanted a strong daughter who wouldn’t simply bend to the hand of tradition. Would I say that Lizzie would’ve most certainly rallied with those girls in Rhodes? YES. I’d rather die than portray any iteration of myself as complacent rather than progressive lmao. Elizabeth Beaufort flows in the vein of RDR2’s… I guess, progressive* writing? More** on that below, I guess???

*I don’t actually know how well it was received by everyone else, and honestly, I’m not even gonna try to speak on anyone else’s behalf but my own—I found that RDR2, despite some shortcomings, made itself a relatively hospitable environment for me as a white queer.

** Lizzie does struggle a lot with her internalized homophobia? Like… she had a lot of difficulty when she was younger coming to terms with the fact that she’s bisexual. This is less prevalent in her backstory considering it only ever surfaces post-canon. Yes, my SI and her FO came out to each other at random after being married to him for approximately 3 months. And it went fuckin’ great cos guess what!! Theyre both bi!! WLW/MLM solidarity!!! Don’t @ me.

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley was brought up amongst a gang of outlaws, and her being born a woman changed nothing about the things she was taught by said gunslingers. She left the group she once called family because of the leadership turning sour. From that point forward she went it alone, shifting in and out of her identity as Gilley Wright and her masculine persona (a pseudonym-turned-identity) Giles Kingsley, to keep herself straddling notoriety and anonymity.

·         Gilley only started wearing her hair short because of an encounter in which her longer hair was used as a means to pull her back into harm’s way. She lopped it off shortly after out of the feeling that it was a necessity, but soon found that she preferred it that way.

·         Thaddeus, her large draft horse, once pulled carts. She took him during a robbery so that she’d have an adequate mount for her getaway. The connection was instant between them.

Taeko Atou – Tokyo Ghoul OC

Taeko went by another name before her time in the 20th ward. She had another face, another life. But that was a self she had to leave far, far behind. Before “Taeko”, she was a reckless twentysomething ghoul living off of her father’s money, basking in the upper echelons of society, indulging in Scrapper shows and seeing humanity as nothing but an unprepared buffet. The danger ranking on her CCG profile demonstrated as much.

One night, however, her cushy life changed drastically. She went out drinking after a Scrapper show with one of her friends and decided to go hunting with her. Things were as usual, they stayed in their territory, but ended up getting apprehended by a group of Doves. During the getaway, her and her friend were separated, and she had no way of knowing whether her friend was alive. Drunk, desperate, and rather terrified, she decided to abandon all else and ripped her mask off to taunt the officers. They deserved to see her face, covered in gore and as ghoulish as they came! Nothing mattered to her at that point and she wanted to give them a scare…!

That is, until the next morning, when she recovered from her hangover and realized what she’d done. One of those Doves got a picture of her. In a panic, she called her father to ask for some sort of mercy money to clear the issue up. He’s frustrated with her constantly getting into increasingly worse trouble and tells her this: he’s going to pay for her to completely change her identity and her face so that she can move elsewhere, completely out of the way of harm. After that, he’d be cutting her off, leaving her with only the savings that she had prior to the cut-off. No more handouts.

This is when she became Taeko Atou, a pseudonym based off of her Scrapper show guest alias, “Miss AT”, and moved to the 20th ward. She has to adjust to average life a la Schitt’s Creek or Arrested Development.

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Bells LOVES anything that’ll make them look cute and androgynous. They’re super partial to a femme prince aesthetic. Blouses and linens and vests and suspenders and a bunch of that cute shit. (Yes, this is my preferred fashion style and I wish I could look like that all the time.) They’re also into stuff like your average sundresses and such when it’s too hot for “princey” attire because hell yeah.

·         They’d hate to wear… hm… short party dresses? Cocktail dresses n shit. (No shade to those tho theyre cute. Just not Bellamy’s style.)

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Junko’s super masc and butch in her presentation, binds her chest, does the simple graphic tee + jeans thing a lot. Think “Kanji Tatsumi but a lesbian”.

·         She lowkey doesn’t like wearing overly feminine clothes, like, she does not vibe with dresses.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Lizzie is pretty standard when it comes to clothes: blouses and skirts, dresses, all just… really basic stuff. She likes simple and solid colours, maybe simple patterns. She’s also like… very cottagecore. Probably likes overalls if she ever wears ‘em?? I’m not a frickin’ historian and I’m not gonna google early 1900s clothes styles at this hour don’t @ me.

·         This is literally just because I’m basic as all fuck and I like a skirt/blouse or sundress style outfit. I don’t wear it often but that’s my jazz y’know?

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley’s another one of my more boyish characters. She doesn’t deliberately go out of her way to look like a man unless she’s under the guise of her male persona Giles Kingsley. But let me tell you—she goes all out for those occasions, even electing to simulate stubble on her face with cosmetics. Think “cowboy drag king” and you’ll hit the mark.

·         Other than that, she just wears whatever’s convenient and comfortable.

 9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?

As dumb as this sounds I completely burnt out after writing only 2 self insert likes/interests profiles, forgive me lol.

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Favourite Food: Bells is indecisive, but they will gladly eat anything Ignis puts in front of them. They’re thoroughly convinced he uses magic in his cooking. (They’re only half joking about that—it’s so good!) If they were made to decide a top three, it’d likely be Garden Curry, Broiled King on a Stick, and Moogle Mousse with Kupoberry Sauce. Honorable mention being Gyashi Chips (yes, they like what’s effectively Eosian kale chips).

·         Favourite Colours: ANYTHING PASTEL will win Bellamy over, along with any colour considered light and airy. White, silver, pale green, soft gold, baby blue, lavender, and also whatever the sky has going on at any given time of the day—they’re an aesthetic little shit.

·         Favourite Activities: Travelling, leisure shopping when funds allow it (if given the means, Bellamy will 100% engage in excessive retail therapy, no joke), swimming, loving their friends, talking about books and music, gardening, and (I know this sounds vain but bear with me) preening. Yes, they’d be a vlogger in another life. Don’t @ me

·         Bells loves to talk in excess about what they like, and on occasion, when words fail, they tend to express it through squealing, jumping, etc. If someone points out how passionate Bells is about these things, they’ll end up flustered and ask the person if they could continue. I guess you could say Bellamy stims? I’m not diagnosed with anything, so take this with a grain of salt, but I do have stimming habits.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Favourite Food: Junko’s pretty partial to miso soup. It’s one of her weaknesses. Total comfort food. (Bro I fuckin’ love miso soup.) As well as baked goods like cupcakes.

·         Favourite Colours: Red, black, silver, pink, blue, purple.

·         Favourite Activities: drawing (sketches, scribbles, doodles, colouring, etc., singing, baking/cooking, writing, and she learned to love gardening after getting close to Haru.

·         Junko tends to show her happiness through verbal and artistic expression, she’s also the type that tends to crack jokes (mostly shitty puns followed up by finger guns).

Again, thank you so much for asking, thank you so much for asking! QwQ Asks are still open, everyone.

[imbringingexyback]

Trans ask-thingy

I should have really seen this coming when I made @a-chilleus​ do all the questions earlier :’)

1. what is your gender? nonbinary, transmasc. I would say male but the lack of fucks I give about having a dick makes me question it

2. what are your pronouns? He/him or they/them. He/him mainly as its easier for people to use

3. what is your gender presentation like? In a word. Gay. I love dungarees but also mostly wear super skinny jeans & floral/very jazzy shirts. I love rainbows & stripey tops as well as crop tops & cut-off vests. I don’t really wear any jewellery other than my ear piercings, ‘the one ring’ from LOTR that my Dad made & the flag bracelets I made (Trans, ace & gay)

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit? Not sure really but a t-shirt/shirt that is loose enough to hide my hips & not feel uncomfortable but fitted enough to show off my frame. Probably black skinny jeans & one of my many floral shirts with my glittery gold brogues

5. what makes you feel validated? Being called the right pronouns, people seeing my as male/non-binary without any doubt about my identity (e.g. my housemate treating me just like she does her other male friends automatically because she forgets people see me as ‘female’, or people saying they could never see me as female). Also, people not being surprised by my femininity when inhabiting queer spaces as I’m just a camp guy

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)? I like my hair as it was really blond but I like it now it’s dyed red & its still soft & fluffy. I like my freckles because they constantly multiply & are cute af. I like my eyes because they’re electric blue & so detailed with flecks of greyer blue. I like my collarbones as I like fiddling with them. Finally, I like my neck because although I want a deeper voice & stuff my neck looks cool in pictures sometimes.

7. favorite trans meme/bit of trans humor? I also like the very common trans names like @a-chilleus​ said. Me & my housemate have a joke where I loudly (& in a panicked tone) go “where is my dick?!!!” & act like i’m frantically looking for it because it makes us laugh. I just like most trans memes because they’re relatable and cis people don’t get them

8. how did you pick your name? Can’t really remember other than it being between Elliot & Robin & then me realising I really didn’t like Elliot cause its close to my deadname. I don’t really like Robin either so now I need to find a new one

9. what does your name mean? apparently it means ‘fame-bright’ & is of French & German origin

10. do you have any trans pride merch? I like it being called ‘merch’ like we’re a band! I have a trans-flag woven bracelet I made, a trans flag, a number of gender-related t-shirts including the Stonewall one & ‘Gender does not define a dragon’ & a fuck tonne of pronoun badges & pin/enamel badges

11. recent happy trans moment? Meeting Esme (@a-chilleus​) & talking trans stuff with them whilst on camp & then just like hinting to our friends Gareth &Lizzy that I was a raging tran by showing them pictures where I have a trans flag around me & being in the men’s changing-room with them. Like honestly that was so freeing cause we got to educate our (very accepting) cis friends on some memes & hard shit & I got to overshare so much 😉

12. favorite trans headcanon? Trans Peter Parker. It makes so much sense to me & I’d love the representation.

13. favorite canon trans character? Non-binary Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens) is fully cannon as they’re angels & I’m still in love with it! Jake in Tales of the City is an awesome trans character too & I love him

14. favorite trans blog(s)/trans blogger(s)? definitely @a-chilleus​ because they have the same interests as me, @born2jasper​ because Jasper is my best buddy at uni & when he does blog it’s cool shit

15. favorite trans celebrity? Oh my. Fox Fisher does amazing work for trans activism & they’re a cutie. Elliot Fletcher I’ve been a fan of since he was regularly on a trans youtube channel & now hes been in TV shows & repping the trans community. Laverne Cox of course. Indya Moore for their no-shit attitude.

16. song that gives you Big Trans Feels? Wrabel- The Village, is literally about being trans & having no-one in your family accept you but it being “something wrong with the village” rather than it being about you being wrong. It was written after Trump did all the shit things to trans people. Literally the line “it’s a lie though, burying disciples, one page of the bible isn’t worth a life” makes me cry cause of all the trans people who feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel for them. The music video left me sad but it’s an amazing song

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self? You’re not broken, & your friends have your back & will accept and love for who you are, not who you pretend to be. Society is gonna fuck you up but you’re stronger than you think

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be?

i mean i’m living my idea fashion look tbh

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality? Just makes me gayer but I’m still ace so…

20. do you have a comfort item? Blankets mostly at uni cause I snuggle under them/with them cause that helps my sensory overload calm down. Big comfy jumpers are good for when I feel like hiding my body

21. what makes you feel euphoric? When strangers call me ‘he’, when dogs like me, when I’m accepted into a new group as ‘one of the lads’. When I look more masc face-wise (if that makes sense)

22. what genre of media would you love to see more trans characters in? all genre’s tbh as there is a lack in every genre. But definitely fantasy & action. I’d love to see a bad guy get slapped with a packer to distract them because the trans hero had nothing else to throw :’)

23. claim something as trans culture. Walking around going ‘masc masc masc’ or ‘lads lads lads’ is trans culture

24. give some love to your trans friends/mutuals (alt: give some love to the trans community in general) I’ve tagged the ones I know mostly but to every trans person who sees this. YOU’VE DOING SO GREAT, YOU LOOK GREAT, YOU’RE VOICE IS WONDERFUL. YOU ARE SIMPLY KILLING IT!!

25. what’s your favorite part of being trans? Tbh the memes are pretty solid. But honestly, it’s the community you find in each other when you need It, it’s the joy of finding out someone else you know is trans, it’s the celebration of the little &big things together. I especially enjoy knowing there are people that get why I have to triple check that I’m flat before going anywhere, the cis friends who will go into men’s bathrooms with me to scope them out & just the re-defined masculinity & femininity.

[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Three : THE DESOLATION OF THE GRINDR USER

« Grindr is a sociopath nest », Anonymous 

Grindr was launched on March 25, 2009. About a month or so earlier, I lost my virginity to the sweetest guy you could imagine. I met him on what we could consider one of Grindr’s ancestors, Gaypax— I still have that account, out of nostalgia. The design is so ugly I wonder now how I did spend so much time on it (we weren’t picky back then…) So Grindr was born at the exact time my sexual and romantic life was unfolding. It means that, except for the few years I’ve spent frenetically masturbating to La Redoute’s underwear catalogues and downloading dirty pictures of Brad Pitt naked with a very slow wifi, I’ve always been accustomed to gay apps.

Recently, the new and improved french magazine Tétu published an article called « Faut-il brûler Grindr?». Though not as detailed as I was hoping it would be, it did not changed my general opinion about the dating app paradigm. 

FLASHBACK France, 1971. A young gay man living in a beautiful city called Paris. Mike Brant just released his first major hit, Rock’N’Roll is slowly dying and Les Bidasses en Folie is this year’s biggest success at the box office. Unfortunately for him, the Gay Rights Movement is just at its infancy, homosexuality is still considered a mental illness and sodomy is punishable by law. So he shut his mouth and do his dirty business privately. he spends time around Place de Clichy and finds very discreet bars that can welcome him without too much judgement. He takes long walks toward the Tuileries bushes and sucks a stranger’s dong without any verbal exchange. He ends up marrying that fine young Marie, daughter of a friend of his dad, makes a couple of kids and from time to time, goes back to those places, shameful of himself.

That was the life of a gay man in France. If he didn’t get killed along the way. CUT TO 2009. Grindr is the first official gay dating app launched around the world. In France, the ban on sodomy disappeared in 1981 and since 1992, you are no longer considered a crazy person for being attracted to a person of the same sex (well, not from an official medical point, anyway). The app came to fruition through a simple question asked by its creator, Joel Simkhai : « WHO ELSE IS GAY AROUND HERE? ».

By 2012, 4 million people were using the App. 27 million as of 2017. Tinder followed in 2012 — you are welcome, straight people. Then SCRUFF, GAYROMEO, HORNET, BLUED, … What is wrong, then ? You damn well know something is wrong.

SMARTPHONE, 21st CENTURY’S NEW BACKROOM

If you go to a bar, you have to talk to the bartender, exchange a least a fews words with strangers, even dance as your look around and are being seen by others in the flesh. If you go to a gaybar, the same thing happens. If you go to a gaybar then the gaybar’s backroomn, rules change.

As the dating apps was closing in on worldwide domination, it became clear that the natural human kindness and respect would ultimately have no effect on the way people would communicate with one another on Grindr. I’ve been working in a bookstore for the past four years, you see. I expect a “hello”, “goodbye” and a smile during any interactions with clients — from them and myself. So there’s nothing more annoying that someone coming up to you, barking what they want to and leaving without any civility whatsoever. The Grindr equivalent would be Step 1 : A DICK PICK (or ass pick. I once had a fisting commemorative photo sent to me) straight up. Step 2 : A terribly convenient “cc sava tu ch?” or a “cho?” Step 3A : If you are polite enough to answer something, a conclusive “tu reçoi” or “tu bouge” Step 3B : you did not answer a singe word and the guy either sends you a “????” or insults the shit out of you. I sometimes do not answer impolite clients at work. Guess what ? Bitches say hello if you stare down at them long enough. On the internet, never gonna happen.

I remember the first couple of times I went on Grindr. I tried to answer everyone, even a “no, thank you”. There was always some “Hello”s, “How are you?”s, a few “My name is”s. But as the years went by, gay men (as I mostly talk to gay or bisexual cis men on these apps, I can only give my opinion on that category of people) adopted a series of unofficial rules to talk to each other.

1. If we are on this app, we are ready to fuck. 2. We do not have time for small talk. 3. We do not need your name, but dick size and multiple nudes are welcome. A picture is worth a thousand blablablahs. 4. We need to be very precise about what we want, so as not to waste our precious time. 5. Seriously, give us a full diagnosis of your body shape through pics, boy. 6. Chems ? 9. There are no rule 7 & 8, because 6 & 9. Now, turn around.

There are also lots of personal rules users seem keen on sharing them publicly as to implement unofficial rule number 4.

NO FEMS, NO BLACKS, NO ASIANS

“Pretty chill guy here. Very open minded and friendly. I love men from different cultures. Just no Asians. Asians leave me alone. I’m not racist” “Don’t message me. I’ll message you :). No Blacks Asians or fems. Love it when fats call themselves masc. hahahaha.” “Tell me if top/btm. Don’t really believe in “vers”. […] Attracted to Latin & White (trying to sound PC)” “Chill masc sane… just described nobody on here… Over 35, Asian or fem = block.. haha” “99% of you are losers. I’m the top 1%. So prove yourself first” The last one was written by a white male, by the way. They all were.

In our modern society, we’re not fools enough to believe that racism disappeared and everyone is accepting of others. Just look at the whole series of events called “while Black” where white people called cops on black folks for getting out of their airbnbs, talking in a Starbucks without ordering or falling asleep in a communal room at college. Nevertheless, you don’t see parades of racists proudly marching with “NO BLACKS” signs on the streets — you see another type of marches, yes. Free speech and stuff, sure. So why has it become acceptable in people’s minds to shade light on their racism in their profiles, barely hiding behind the “sexual preference” bullshit excuse ?

In an article dated September 2018 called “Why is it OK for online dates to block whole ethnic groups?” (2), the Observer related the appalling anecdote of an elderly white man who responded to a Grindr user of asian descent : “Asian, ew gross”.

I myself was told that I was too fat, too small, too twinkish, then not enough of those, or too white (but so we’re clear : RESERVE RACISM IS NOT A THING. STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A THING!).

Racism also works with the beliefs that if you look or act a certain way, you obviously are what someone’s fantasy is. You are a black man so I assume that my hole will expand by ten once you’re inside me. You a blond light weight with feminine traits. You’re a submissive bottom and a real whore.

The world works on assumptions (ex : the myth of the BIG BLACK DICK or the for-sure global instinct that Tom Hanks would never have to face any #MeToo accusations) and apps follow that same path but without any policing. The absence of ramifications from someone’s actions further implement a feeling of unapologetic mindfulness — the same way being in a dark backroom with strangers you can’t see does not seem to add any consequences to what you’ll do next.

Recently, Grindr tried to course correct its past errors by creating “Kindr” (3). Was it a new app that would prevent people from actively using hate speech ? WELL WHY DON’T YOU PREVENT IT ON GRINDR THEN ? Was it a new platform to exchange ideas and experiences so that we can find another way to communicate together ?

Here’s how they introduce Kindr on their official site : At Grindr, we’re into diversity (MONEY), inclusion, and users who treat each other with respect. We’re not into racism, bullying, or other forms of toxic behavior (YOU ARE THE TOXIC BEHAVIOR). These are our preferences, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to better reflect them. Same app. New rules (DID YOU THOUGH?) Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Their type. Their tastes. But nobody is entitled to tear someone else down because of their race, size, gender, HIV status, age, or — quite simply — being who they are. (AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT PUT YOUR BUSINESS IN A RISKY POSITION) Join us in building a kinder Grindr. (DO YOUR OWN DAMN WORK). Express yourself, but not at the expense of someone else (OR US). Report discrimination when you see it (LIKE WITH THE JEWS BACK THEN. ALSO, WE THE USERS, ALREADY DID THAT). Use your voice and share your story to call out prejudice and spark change. Together, we can amplify the conversation and take steps towards a kinder, more respectful community (SEE, WE AT GRINDR ARE WOKE).

There you have it. A marketing scam to ease the pain of millions of users whose relationships and self esteem were affected by Grindr’s lack of interest in their consumers. How many years did it take for a simple statement from the CEO ? What’s actually concrete about these actions ?

in the community guide lines, it is stated that they “will remove any discriminatory statements displayed on profiles. […] Profile language that is used to openly discriminate against other users’ traits and characteristics will not be tolerated and will be subject to review by our moderation team”. FINE. So, if someone says “no short fat asians”, theoretically it would be removed from the profile. But if it says “more into vanilla and spice than chocolate and rice. So hit me up if this is you” (an actual Grindr profile, by the way), what can a Grindr moderator do about it ? The racism is still there. Are we to believe that EVERY single profile is being reviewed in detail ?

#deletegrindr was a popular hashtag over a year ago. I’m not on twitter and I still heard about it. Was it a cultural shift in the way gay people wanted to treat other gay people ? Were we on the verge of a revolution ? Nop. Grindr released data informations of thousands and thousands of profiles about HIV status (something that you can put on your Grindr profile) to third party companies. Since then, Grindr released the Kindr initiative and rewrote its policies.

I’m not against dating apps. I think it was a wonderful tool back in the day to extend one’s horizon, explore and experiment with love, sex and adventures. It no longer works that way. I didn’t even talk about the spreading of drug using through profile description and the real danger of stimulants in someone’s sex life.

#deletegrindr should come back and this time, it has to work. Silicon Valley, go make an app from scratch. One that would implement actual kindness to the machine, not based on popularity. Think of what people need, not what they want. People are shitheads. I’m a shithead. What I want is never good for me.

And YOU. You, little queer boy reading this. Don’t go on Grindr before going to bed to check the hotties in your area. Forget about that 6'2 monster cock Swedish god that lives nearby and offered you a quick hump for the ride. Ask him for a drink, put down your phone, get to know him a little and then fuck his brains out. You’re still gonna fuck but you’ll find humanity where there was once none.

That’s my preaching for the night. I gave up long ago on apps. I delete them all and stay away for months. Then, I feel lonely and get back to one or two. I met this new guy that way (4).The nice thing about it was that we did not talk dick sizes, favorite positions or any sexual desires until way after we actually met (and we’re talking two full weeks of messages). I’m not on any dating apps now.

(1) https://tetu.com (2) https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/sep/29/wltm-colour-blind-dating-app-racial-discrimination-grindr-tinder-algorithm-racism (3) https://www.kindr.grindr.com (4) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ezra_Miller

[healthgnome]

Dear, Isaiah because it’s come to my attention.

It has come to my attention that the past back-and-forth of abuse accusations have been slowly resurrected and I see now that it is certainly within my time to once more explain my side. I truly wish not to be slandered and lied about on such a big platform and I wish the same for my friends, Ryan and Zayne. I genuinely try very much to be a decent, good, and helpful person. Sometimes I slip up as anyone would but I certainly know that I would never try and genuinely bully or hurt someone. For any time I might have joined in on some fun-making - trying not to go overboard and apologizing if I did end up actually hurting- I once again of course apologize for that. I go with the flow of how I think a dynamic is working and sometimes a dynamic does involve some making fun meant in no big harm. A prime example of such would be the friendships between Mark (Markiplier), Bob (Muyskerm), and Wade (LordMinion777). Where it is within understanding that they are all good friends but Wade gets the brunt of a lot of jokes. Any time there is sincere hurt, not that we have seen- but I guarantee there would be apology.

In Any Case, now that that introduction is out of the way I shall diffuse all that has been said in a post made by former friend Isaiah AKA (currently) @for-abused-kids about myself, Zayne (@thevvytchbytch) and Ryan (@literallyrealdeadstuff).

Not one of us have “stalked” your blog on a daily to find out if you have talked shit. If you mean during that whole giant commotion, sure there was a lot of digging in order to actually provide evidence for the claims we make. After that? Maybe checked out some posts to make sure there wasn’t still any sort of slander on any of our names, or we were informed of such a thing taking place. And yes, you have had their name(s) and mine on your blog in a “talking shit” kind of way.

We did not go to your house after dark, how would you know if you weren’t there. That is assumption. (and you know what they say lol) And a letter was written to your parents coming from a place of concern and explanation. I had not wished any abuse on you to happen.

As well, you are repeatedly saying that we lied to your mother telling her you ripped up the note. It was not meant to be a lie or anything of the sort, we simply had no contact and therefore wanted to make sure the note was actually read.

Hmm. I would really like to point out though that you claim that Zayne had the audacity to go to your home and deliver this note with someone who stole from your home while at the hospital. Do not act like you are not leaving out very important parts to this statement, and that the counterpart, leader, truest perpetrator, and manipulator to this was someone mentioned throughout this letter.

There was a lot of yelling between yourself and Zayne. A lot of it was not meant in harm, which was understood at least eventually; a lot of it was out of anger because something had happened, was done, or was said. And there was a lot of back and forth.

Allan was a friend of all of us for a while until he was slowly let go from all of us because he is a bad person. Personally, I stayed friends because my really fucked up brain could not handle being any more alone than I already was. You had liked him for a long time. Told us about it, or when certain things may have happened; sometimes these feelings went away (which is normal), and sometimes they were strong. I can provide proof for this too. Yes he was an awful person, and I was usually on your side when he did bully you. I did exclaim, and of course I understand how feelings work, that perhaps not being friends would be a good idea. I also told Allan this countless times but he enjoyed messing with you and I am not him nor could I control his actions.

The competition? There was a small friendly barely-a-competition thing going on in regards with Zayne. And it had barely lasted as well. At least from what I understood.

Ah yes the cum stains things. We used the word cum out of what we thought would be respect for your identifying away from femininity. Just as we would use the word “dick” or any variations thereof rather than vagina when referring to most of us and genitalia. Which sounds gross to say but we are teens, most of us horny, most everyone on T, genitals were a common point of discussion. And yes, you did leave vaginal discharge stains, or cum stains or whatever you feel most comfortable calling it, on the futon. And this is a pretty normal thing from what I know. People “get wet” and people have sexual liquids. It be like that.

From what I, and many others know, you do talk to a lot of people, including children, about your trauma.

I don’t remember you purposely triggering Zayne with Ed Sheehan, you did not have control anyway; Allan was the controller and was persistent on having that song on. However, you have attempted to physically hurt Zayne when you punched them. It did not actually hurt because it was frankly weak (not that I could do much better). What next you’re referring to after this is that Zayne was allowed by yourself to punch back; they simply know how to and are stronger than they appear.

Oh god. The Asian thing. That’s a huge bag on it’s own and has been talked about previously, you want more info on this or another post? Talk to me. Here is a link to a post with a bunch of evidence of this and other things & here is a link to a quick post by Ryan. There will also be a couple of photos at the end of this. But simply, Isaiah, your evidence was hardly; you have very white features, two very white parents, and have never presented otherwise, this coming from a very white person.

Congruently, have you seen Ryan or a picture of him recently? He has anything but thin lips. If you’d care for an example of thin, look at me. His hair is quite thick, has varying curls throughout as has been complained about and explained in the past. As well, it does deeply tangle itself if not taken care of daily. I, on the other hand never brush my hair- at the same length- and it barely gets more than a little disheveled. There is evidence of all of this. He does not at all have a small nose. Whilst not the darkest person, the summer provides a pretty good tan, more so in his youth. His father is actually not white- which is a known fact rather than a guess. If he is at least a quarter black, and has those features, I think it’s fair for him to claim that he is mixed on a hookup/dating app.

Oh, and I am quite aware of all of the arguments you’ve had about your father and his heritage. It’s what sparked that one post about the “Native American” 80’s/90s festival necklace. Which was a genuinely funny incident if you look back on it.

I have heard varying things to do with you imagining sex with anyone you are friends with. Just as I have heard varying statements about a lot of things that you exclaim to have or currently happen in your life.

We have called you straight as you have called yourself straight or straight-passing because of the fact that you were or are masc-aligned and would now prefer to date fem-aligned individuals due to trauma. But considering you are not mono-attracted to only men/masculine leaning individuals, you are not completely gay either. So if you can call yourself one you can essentially call yourself the other since you seem to be comfortable enough doing so. (I’ve recently seen a word to use for nonbinary-straight attraction! it’s “strayt”; similarly, there is “gai.” I bring these up not to make-fun or cause harm but they may be useful to you.)

In regards to Ingrid, as far as you have spoken to us and as we have seen, you have changed what you claim to have identified as whilst dating her. From secretly trans, to a cis girl, to questioning (not in this order, necessarily). Regardless, for many reasons it seems as though this was an unhealthy relationship.

You have taken stories right out of others lives and claimed them to be your own, these would be delusions, dear, not hallucinations. And it is at least a possibility that a lot of other things are delusions, too. This coming from someone who has had experiences with some sort of psychosis, delusions, hallucinations, gas lighting (from yourself, Isaiah. as well as from others.) and other such things that I can explain more if asked. And there is evidence of this all, as well.

I have never been abused by my parents. They are wonderful individuals who also try to be good, decent people. They have taken in my friends (including you, Isaiah) and done a lot to help them in times of abuse and need as well. That being said, there can be, from what I’ve seen, varying degrees and methodologies of abuse that different groups take part in. They are all horrific and I absolutely, full-heartedly, condemn all of it. But that is a fact given by apparent evidence. This being said, your parents have Not admitted to doing all of this, at least not to yourself, but to your sisters. I am genuinely curious as to why, if they’d admit doing harm to them both to you and in writing, why would they not come through with all of this to yourself?

On this topic, Stockholm syndrome, while something truly awful, is a kidnap-specific symptom. You can google how it affects others, but those websites are a lot less trust-worthy. We both went through the Hell of the junior research project and you are an academically intelligent person, you should be able to tell the difference between a trustworthy site and an untrustworthy one.

As far as your gender, speculations have been made based upon a lot of things you have said, and some seeming fetishization of nonbinary people. This is not said to invalidate your feelings or anyone else’s for that matter. It is simply that you are a rightfully suspicious individual. Again, this coming from trans people both binary and non- alike.

Regarding what I’m pretty sure is the video of you sitting on my legs, Isaiah, I don’t remember if there was an apology (whether or not in the video) but this wouldn’t be the first or last time something like this had occurred.

Finally, you have abused me. You have done me harm and I now understand that. I have tried to do a lot for you but you have done a lot to and taken advantage of me and my mental state. 

Once again here is a link to a post with A Lot of evidence. Want more? Contact me.

As always, best regards to your mental health,

former friend, Alana.

PS; Please, for the love of everything, do stop misgendering Zayne and use *their* correct pronouns ( they / them ) !

The photo below contains obviously curly hair, not-at-all thin lips, a not-at-all small nose, etc. You can see.

[seagreenflowers]

for your consideration this pride month:

A non-binary, bisexuals probably homophobic opinions on gender and sexuality

for starters, i’d like to say this is just my personal opinion and i don’t expect anyone to actually read this other than maybe one friend i have on tumblr and people i specifically send it to, but in the event that this blows up because ya know, it’s the internet: I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s gender expression, sexuality, person opinions, labels, or thoughts on the community. this is just how i personally view everything concerning LGBT from my lived experiences.

to begin, i think that there are two main opinions from people in and outside the community over the number of labels we use and they generally fall into these categories either: “we have too many, these fucking snowflakes” and “i don’t really care, you do you” there are very, very few actually “”snowflakes”” that use the terminology we’ve all seen and had opinions about. therefore, why is it still in use? why do they have their own pride days in the month? well, from what i can see, my best guess is the definitions of everything are very muddled and the minute differences are expanded upon in ways that simply do not make sense to me.

for example, the sheer number of words we have for an attraction to multiple genders, while they all have their own differences, why can there not just be an umbrella term and people describe their individual sexual desires to the people they need to define it to. just to make my case here’s the words i’ve found:

bisexual

pansexual

omnisexual

polysexual

queer

all of these words have a basic meaning of attraction to more than one gender that it is inconceivable to me why we need all of them. if there’s discourse around how bisexual doesn’t just mean two, then why does poly exist? and if there’s discussion about bisexuals not always have a gender preference then why do pan and omni have distinctions? to me personally, in a perfect world, we need zero labels, but how we live today, we need the labels. if straights and gays aren’t equal and we take away the distinctions, they’ll never be equal. but stemming from that, i have qualms with words like this that feel like preferences over an actual distinction in sexuality. because the argument from the community (which i 100% agree with) is that you don’t Choose sexuality, things that feel like Choosing demean the entire system. things like bi where you see gender feel to me like “when looking for a partner, i Choose based on gender” definitionally and maybe that’s a misinterpretation of the word choice because in dating and sex everyone has to experience choice, that’s consent, but really you fall in and out of want instead of saying “i’m looking for a 5’4 blonde girl that has freckles” because as much as you can have a wish list it will never be fulfilled in the way you intend because people don’t bend to specifications. and maybe that thought process of not looking for a gender or a set of attributes makes me pan, but that’s not how i identify, so this is where we get to the point. if people don’t identify with the words that most describe how they actually feel because there’s another word that explains them, why do the words exist in the first place!

this is why it took me 4 years to actually come to the conclusion that i was bi. 1. because of the sheer number of words to describe how i was feeling but 2. if bisexuals can have any split between male and female attraction (doesn’t have to just be male and female but for examples sake) if i am not split 50/50 that would fall into the realm of poly and omni. and 3. girls are cute but are girls like date cute or are girls just like delicate cute (but that’s beside the point)

now i think i continue to beat a dead horse if i go into discussions about asexuality and all of its subgroups 1. because i’ve proven my point with multiple gendered love and 2. that’s not my community i would get something wrong and that’s not my intention. but GENDER!! FUN!!

so anyway that i go into this is going to sound offensive and it will get kind of rude but it’s out of pure inability to comprehend most of this. if someone wants to educate me, go right ahead.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GENDER IDENTITY AND GENDER EXPRESSION

gender identity is the gender you feel. the sex. male, female, non-binary.

gender Expression is how you interpret that label. things like demi girl and gender fluid feel in this category to me because you Cannot in any case change gender day to day. period.

you are allowed to dress more masculine and feel more comfortable masculine one day and feel more comfortable feminine another. that’s not your gender changing!!!!! that’s just PREFERENCES!!!!!!! that’s Choice!!!!!!

what i’ve always understood in my heart the way to tell if you’re feeling a shift in expression or in identity is these 3 categories: perception, privates, personality. the three Ps (i did just come up with this)

are you worried or uncomfortable with someone using a certain name or set of language that hints to gender (such as queen v king) [the pronoun discussion is for later i don’t find it appropriate to include it here] this is perception

do you dislike something being a part of your body, not because you find it ugly, uncomfortable, or unnecessary but because you Want the Parts of Another Sex. for example there’s a difference in “oh i wish i didn’t have a uterus because i hate periods” and “i wish i didn’t have a uterus because the thought of that being a part of my body makes me feel sick because i want *male anatomy*” that is privates

and finally, personality. just because you’re a tomboy doesnt make you trans. just because you like dresses or skirts as a boy, doesn’t make you trans. everyone’s personality and individualism is what makes this difficult. you’re allowed to have interests that are “of the opposite gender” that don’t make you trans.

and something that i feel is an important distinction and will lead us into the pronouns portion, and this sounds rude but it’s not, it’s the truth. there are a lot more people that claim ftm than mtf. there just simply are, and the problem with that arises with a lot of women are upset about the condition of being a woman in today’s society, with all the pressures, expectations, lack of rights, etc etc that they would rather be perceived as a man. they would rather be a man to avoid the constant taunting of women and as much as that’s relatable, being fed up with the human condition of womanhood DOES NOT MAKE YOU TRANS. all of the “she/they non-binaries” that arise today that have no problems with being identified as a woman in public, that have no want to change their physical bodies because they want the ones of the opposite sex, and act Like A Woman *are not really trans* because that demeans every aspect of what it Actually means to be trans and honestly it’s kind of insulting to be someone that experiences extreme gender dysphoria to just see people with the desire to be less of a woman out of, here’s this again, Choice, when really they’re mad about society. and oh boy is it completely valid to be mad about the conditions of women, and it is valid to identify as she/they or he/they. it’s just, the distinction between people that actually experience gender dysphoria and the ones that don’t like the way that boobs make the world interact with them.

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK ARE NEOPRONOUNS????? i don’t get it. i’ve never understood it and i don’t think i ever will but like, bold claim, furries and otherkins aren’t Part of the lgbt community???? and i might be mislead on what neopronouns actually are but the only time i’ve seen them actually used are in cases with otherkins and the like wanting to be referred to as pronouns that correspond with their *preferred species* which is a whole other can of snowflake worms that i don’t have time to get into today but like,,,in my humble opinion, i feel as tho he she and they kinda cover the spectrum. you’re fem identifying, she/her. boom, solved. ur masc identifying he/him. lovely, awesome. you feel in between, they/them. great. excellent. you have kinship with both femininity and androgyny she/they (or vice versa he/they) but like IM NOT CALLING SOMEONE LIKE “”BUNSELF”” CAUSE YOURE A BUNNY. THATS NOT HOW LANGUAGE WORKS???? this is only a phenomenon of the english language because most latin languages DONT EVEN HAVE A THEY/THEM FOR EVERYDAY CONVERSATIONS. and we have the AUDACITY to come up with this stuff???? i don’t- i don’t get it. like i speak spanish (i’m not a native, i’m still learning so don’t roast me if i say something incorrect) and it’s nearly impossible to find a way to refer to yourself as a they/them because the words simply don’t exist. i’m lucky enough to be okay with he/him pronouns but in languages and cultures were every single thing you interact with is labeled with a gender there’s simply no time to come up with and incorporate things like Neopronouns when we can’t even find a way to express the basics in another language... and the whole point of the LGBT community is to be inclusive to everyone no matter their sexuality, gender, race, ethnic background etc etc but this is something that quite blatantly leaves out most of the World.

anyway, these are some of my opinions. feel free to ask questions and ignore typos. once again i’m open to education, but this has been my ted talk.