#i spent SO long on this im relieved its done

[lynxsakura]

🦆: “The houthe ALWAYTH winth!”

[holmsister]

I think one of the things Dungeon Meshi is definitely about is how different people deal with being an outsider/marginalised/neurodivergent/what have you and basically what im getting at is that Kabru is TEXTBOOK "high functioning [insert diagnosis here]". Its that how they say it still? Don't care.

Basically. This man shows up and you listens to him talk and see how his party treats him and you think. Oh this is a cool guy who has his shit together. And then after like two pages you find out that he has constant flashbacks to Utaya that make him completely freeze, anxiety attacks, thought spirals, is incapable of analyzing his own feelings, is a stuttering mess when the stakes are high, has never done a chore in his life, keeps putting himself in triggering situations and re-traumatising himself, and the icing on the cake is when you read the extra material and it turns out he regularly forgets to eat and lives in a depression nest of dirty clothes and self-medicates insomnia with alcohol and also is 22. Which also kind of puts Misilril not wanting to let him go in another light - yeah for sure she's controlling and infantilising and also its not like she was really helping his issues but also she was not entirely wrong in her judgement. This man does NOT know how to take care of himself. He knows how to do the bare minimum so when he shows up at work the next day he can fool his coworkers into thinking hes got it together enough. For a bit.

He is DEEPLY unwell and he knows it but he is carried by the desperate wish to avoid another catastrophe. If he stops for a moment he KNOWS he'll collapse so he doesn't.

I also think this is why him acting nurse to Mithrun is such an important part of his arc. Its like. This person who has spent all of his adult life focused on a single objective disregarding everything else is faced with what happens when you do that for too long. And the result is a wet tissue of a creature who looks like he doesn't know where he is most of the time.

He is a man on the brink. I have no doubt he felt relieved when he decided he could trust Laios - not even in a Labru way, straight up because he knew he could not keep going like this.

But also like. Of all the characters in the manga, I think Senshi and Kabru are the most lonely ones. Except Senshi seems to be OK with solitude - for sure it's not entirely healthy to be alone for as long as he was but he definitely did well enough. He is very good at taking care of himself. Meanwhile Kabru *knows* a lot of people but can you really say he has friends? Rin, maybe, arguably, but even she does not seem to truly know him, you know? He keeps himself hidden from everyone. I think the only time we see him entirely honest is when he says to Laios that he wanted to be his friend, and hes so shocked when it comes out, you can tell he did not mean to say it. And differently from Senshi, he does NOT fare well alone. He likes people, he needs people. Again compare with Mithrun - he has like a squad of people taking care of him. If Kabru had a breakdown of that size can you say his party would go out of its way to help? Im not sure. Not because they're bad people, but because he's simply not that intimate with any of them.

Idk man it just struck me all of a sudden. Laios is weird and offputting and doesn't care about other humans the way Kabru does and YET he is infinitely more successful at building deep, meaningful relationships and taking care of himself as well. I think this is part of why Kabru is so fascinated with him as well. He can tell Laios has something he doesn't have. Wait this is turning into a whole another post I'll write this next time.

[pyrondeeznutz]

Ticci Toby Headcanons

PT.01

Toby Rogers past, upbringing, pre-proxy headcanons. See proxy era headcanons here ⬇️

CW: Slight mentions of animal abuse, domestic violence, psychosis, bullying, car crash, gore

<NOTE> Im a psychology nerd so I tried to make it as realistic as possible. This is my first time doing anything like this but I have a lot of thoughts about Tobys character. Its not proofread so ignore any typos or grammatical errors. Also… its very long… I have… so many thoughts…

BIOGRAPHY .

PATIENT NAME: Tobias (Toby) Erin Rogers

BIRTHDATE: April 28th, 1994

AGE: Currently 19 years old

HC/EC: Brown hair, brown eyes

ETHNICITY: White American

BIRTHPLACE: Denver, Colorado

FAMILY: Connie Rogers (mother), Dan Rogers (Father), Lyra Rogers (sister)

DIAGNOSIS: Congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis (CIPA), Tourettes Syndrome, Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Bipolar Disorder (Type 1, psychotic)

THE GURNEY .

Toby was in and out of hospitals from a very young age due to his wide range of physical and mental health concerns

His earliest memory was when, at age 4, he hit his head after falling onto cement and didn’t cry, scream, or even really acknowledge that he was hurt

After seeing the bloody mess her young child was in, Connie ran Toby to the hospital where tests were ran to determine what caused his lack of pain response

Finally at age 8, Toby was diagnosed with CIPA. This condition not only prevented his brain from generating a pain response but also responses to extreme temperatures (frostbite, heat burn, etc)

Due to these dangerous health issues, and his neurotic mother, Toby was put in homeschooling from a very early age. Connie was too protective of her son to allow him to go out on his own at his age

His earliest memories revolved around roaming hospital halls, his parents fighting over medical bills, being talked to by social workers and doctors, having tests done, minor surgeries, etc.

DEAR OLD DAD .

Dan Rogers was a difficult man. He never admitted he was wrong, he spent his evenings drinking on the couch, and always had something to complain about. The best words to describe this man was angry, bitter, and reckless

He wasn’t a father by any means. To Toby, the man was more of a nuisance than anything. An alcoholic manchild who stood in his way

The boy never got along with Dan. His father would see him as a burden, bringer of unnecessary medical costs. He severely emotionally and physically neglected his children from their birth. Dan never wanted to be a father.

Due to the costs of Tobys medical problems, Dan would continuously attempt to “prove he was faking” his CIPA, and yell at the boy for his strange twitches due to Tourettes. On one occasion, Dan put his sons hand in a pot of boiling water to try and elicit a pain response that never came.

As Toby got older and more independent from his mother, he would often mouth off to his father, talk back, or straight up ignore him. There was never a moment of peace between those two

Being the money maker in the house, Dan was usually very overworked and stressed. He turned to alcohol to relieve this, and his bad temper got worse when he drank. Often to the point his outbursts would lead to physical violence against his family

It was like walking in a minefield for Toby and his family. And since the supposed “man of the house” was a drunken mean old man, Toby took it upon himself to protect his family from his fathers wrath.

He would purposely act up to direct Dans fist towards him. The boy couldn’t feel it anyways, and being hit, pushed, grabbed, was better than having his sister or mother be hit or yelled at.

The young boy spent his childhood in a rage, he was powerless against his father.

MOTHER DEAREST .

Unlike her husband, Connie was a quiet woman who cared deeply for her children

She was well-mannered, motherly, and kept to herself. And while she was a good woman, she had her fair share of flaws

You would catch her dead before you ever caught her losing control over her emotions. Connie grew up quick and that stuck with her. From a young age she took care of her manchild of a husband

She couldn’t afford to lose herself to silly things like emotions. She had a family to care for, a house to clean, meals to cook. Her priorities lied on appearance over her health

This was one of the many reasons she couldn’t leave her husband despite the years of abuse

Despite all the violence, berating, assault. This life was her own and it was just another thing she had to live with

Toby loved his mother, he really did. He knew she did the best given the circumstances. Connie kept her children fed, clothed and housed. Thats all he could really ask for

But he despised from the depths of his soul how she could just sit by and let the abuse happen. How she never left Dan. How she never cared enough to leave despite not knowing what lied in store for them beyond that house

To her, Dan was a safety net. He provided money, insurance, he paid the bills, put food on the table. Connie quit her job in order to homeschool her son. There was no choice

To Toby, his mother was a coward who never stuck up for herself. And god forbid he ever turn into that

So Toby fought the battles his mother couldn’t. He said the words his mother didn’t dare to speak. He took the beatings and his mother did nothing but ask her husband to stop

SOUL SISTER .

In the chaos of that household, Lyra was something of fresh air for Toby

While the two did fight as any siblings do, they had a mutual care and understanding for each other

Lyra would keep a makeshift first aid kit under her bed for whenever Toby got into minor accidents or if their father went too far some nights

Like her little brother, Lyra had a lot of anger in her. She would always try to stop Dan from going too far and she was good at talking Toby and their father down from ripping each others throats out

She would channel this anger and frustration into sports like boxing, soccer, rugby. It was easier to express her feelings through physical means than ever talking about it. The girl was a perfect mix of her parents

When he was younger, Toby had a very bad and hostile relationship with Lyra. He was young and didn’t have any clue how to handle his emotions and would often threaten or physically hurt his sister

But as he grew up, and they bonded over the related abuse, and they would be there for each other, Toby developed tender care for his older sister. If she got a boyfriend, he would be ready to attack at any sign of disrespect. If she brought over friends, he would stay in his room not to embarrass her.

Just as he was with his mother, he was very protective over Lyra. She did so much for him, and he wanted to keep her safe. It was a tangled, messy relationship but they made it work despite her attitude and his anger

CONDUCT .

Toby grew up completely isolated from other kids, families, etc. The most socialization he got was going to family events or being dragged to the grocery store with his mother.

All he knew growing up was violence. And so when he was around other people, he would project everything he learnt from his father onto other kids

From a very early age he was made to feel small and insignificant in his own home by the people that were supposed to take care of him. And so whenever something challenged him out of the house, he would do whatever he needed to do to put them below him

Sometimes Toby would project this violence onto small animals, occasionally moving onto bigger animals such as cats. The feeling of killing something smaller than himself with his own hands gave him a sense of power and control he never had

Due to his untreated ADHD, the boy would often be loud, hyperactive and intrusive. He would have temper tantrums and outbursts as well, and his mother never knew how to handle it

He was a problem child from birth. Not only causing problems for himself, but for everyone around him

Toby would talk back, curse, say strange and vulgar things, refuse to apologize or admit he was wrong, and would run away from home occasionally.

But despite these behavioural issues, Toby always refused to touch alcohol. Despite all the anger, dread and frustration he felt he swore he’d never become the kind of man his father was

BULLY .

Around 12 years old, Toby’s parents decided it would be best for him to get properly socialized and placed him in a public school

He was now old enough to recognize that bleeding is bad and how to check for injuries despite his CIPA, which allowed Connie to calm down tremendously when it came to her anxiety surrounding her boys health and safety

Despite his mothers insistence that he would love public school, he’d make so many friends there, and that everything would be fine, Toby knew damn well he wouldn’t do well there. He was already bullied by his own father, imagine how other kids would react. He’s seen the movies.

And of course Toby was right. Due to his Tourettes, his tics would often confuse, scare and gross other kids out. They would either straight up treat him like a diseases rat or ruthlessly bully him

The boy was called every name in the book, from “twitchy freak” to “ticci Toby”

Alongside the ostracism and harassment from his peers, his tics and behavioural issues would cause him issues with his teachers. They would often scold him for being a disturbance in class

Making and keeping friends was near impossible for the boy. Talking to a “creepy loser” like him was practically social suicide. He was weird, strange, and given his history of fighting the other kids he was probably dangerous too. No kid wanted to be around that.

On occasion, the other boys would get physical with him and he would always hit back, leading him to get in more trouble with the school staff

Toby would be beat down at school and go home to have it done to him all again by his father

Eventually the school year came to an end and Toby was put back in homeschooling

Even though the torment in middle school came to an end, that didn’t mean the bullying stopped. He was now a known freak and the perfect target for kids who were a bit too much like him. They would harass him online until they got bored, and god forbid he saw any of them in public

It made the angry, powerless boy feel even worse in his own world. There wasn’t a night that went by where he didn’t think of going off and getting his revenge. Make them pay for ever fucking with him.

THE CRASH .

When Toby turned 17, he had finally got himself medicated for his recently diagnosed Bipolar Disorder which caused manic / depressive episodes

He was put on antipsychotics and stimulant medication for his ADHD

While he was being treated, his sister got a job and so did his mother. Outside of all the familiar instability and violence his father caused, life was good

Toby was going to be 18 soon and his sister promised that when he became a legal adult, she would take him to move out with her

He didn’t have any friends, he didn’t really have any plans for his life, but he had a life ahead of him regardless and that was enough

The boy was working through pain too great to imagine, he was carrying 17 years of fear and dread, he was so young holding on to so much

But he had a way out. He was going to get a job and move out with his dear older sister and maybe even go to college. He was going to overcome this

That was his views at least up until the crash

Lyra was driving Toby back home from a doctors appointment when it happened

His tics were acting up, it was rather distracting

He was so caught up in his own little world and trying to get through the frustrating twitches that he didn’t even have a second to process what happened

The next thing Toby knew, the car was swerving right into a lamppost and the air bags were deployed

And the next thing Toby saw was his sisters mangled, bloody body. The force of the steering wheel crushing her bones and shards of glass piercing her skin. The physical trauma near shattered her ribs

And the next thing Toby heard was the pained groans and wheezing from his dying sister

Thats the last thing he remembered before he woke up in a hospital bed with his broken arm being patched up. The doctors wouldn’t even let him see his sister who was under surgery in the emergency room

He didn’t get to be there by her side when she died

He didn’t get a goodbye

And while he was surrounded by family, his aunt Lori was even there to support his mother, Tobys father was nowhere to be seen

Dan was too drunk to drive, and too lazy to call a cab. He didn’t care about Toby and he didn’t care that his daughter just died. One less burden.

In one afternoon Tobys entire life slipped through the cracks of his hands

HIM .

The grief was sickening. It was heavier than the weight of the world. The silence that flooded his once loud house from his sister blaring her Beatles albums was deafening

These were the kinds of things that only happened in movies. People didn’t really lose their family members, and these things didn’t happen to people like him

It wasn’t fair

The one good thing in his miserable life, the moment things were finally getting better. There was no hope anymore, Toby was hopeless

He thought of ending his life every night as he stared at the ceiling, not getting a wink of sleep. But he couldn’t do that to his mom. She never showed it, but it showed clearly from the weight in her steps, the tired look in her eyes. He knew she was carrying a burden too great to bear

He couldn’t take away both of her children

So he would lie there night after night hoping to wake up from the gutwrenching dream just to hear her laugh, sing, blast her shitty music. He never really liked The Beatles, but she did. But she did.

It was all too much for him. From the moment Toby stepped out of the hospital he hadn’t felt real. The boy was living two steps away from reality like there was a sheet of plastic in between him and the world

Days would go by where he would forget to take his medication, or where he would simply just sleep the entire day away

On the days he was awake, Toby would feel like he was going insane. He wouldn’t feel real, he would see things out of the corner of his eye

Sometimes he’d swear he saw something outside his window at night

A strange creature standing under the streetlights

And it only got worse from here. Toby would almost always refuse to leave the house, he stopped sleeping, he felt like something was watching him

The boy would spend hours staring outside his bedroom window. The forest in his backyard had eyes and they were watching him

A wave of sickness overtook Toby. He would wake up with bloody noses sometime and no medicine would get rid of his strange cough. Sometimes he would sleepwalk and end up waking up on the edge of the forest behind his house, cold and alone in the dark of the night

It all added up. It was too much. The anger, the fear, the paranoia. The little voice in the back of his head telling him to just do it. Get revenge. Make him pay.

ABLAZE .

The years and years of abuse. Everything his father had done. He wasn’t there. He was never there.

Why should a man like that deserve to live? 17 fucking years of making Toby feel small and insignificant

Not today. And not anymore. The world was in the boys hands now, and so was a knife. And that night was the night Toby Rogers killed his own father.

No words could describe the feeling of adrenaline and rage that overtook the boy that night. There was no other option, this was the way it was always going to happen

Everything Toby has ever been through has led up to this. It was his own divine prophecy

And God showed no mercy that night

23 stab wounds drilled into his fathers chest, his face bloody, beaten and unrecognizable. Toby smashed his tiny bruised fists ruthlessly into his fathers now deceased body.

The only thing that stopped him was the scream of his mother. It was something primal, something deep from the pain in her gut.

Toby ran into the garage and grabbed two axes that belonged to his father, one old one new. Alongside that he grabbed gasoline and matches. He was going to do what he knew best. He was going to destroy everything.

And so the boy ran down the street of his neighborhood pouring the gasoline along his way and dousing the rest over the trees as he stood at the edge of the forest

Striking a match, the dry grass and trees caught on fire and immediately exploded into flames. The heat and blaze engulfed the boy and soon it began catching onto the rest of the forest

This was the end, he thought. Strangely enough, even though his heart was beating in his throat and his body was shaking, he felt calm. He had no regrets and he was fine with this being his ending.

His mind went blank, everything felt like a static screen, he could feel himself getting dizzy and there was a loud ringing in his ears

The last thing he saw was a tall, faceless creature in the midst of the smoke and fire as he collapsed to the ground.

And that was the death of Tobias Erin Rogers.

[soggyriceee]

Uhm— I'm new around here so hello!!

Can I request for König? Can't get enough of him really—

Anyway, straight to the point.

So, basically. König and Reader had a mission together yada yada, then it's done— they go back but König realizes that Reader, uh sadly, was left behind and noone saw them—curse the shortness ong—and yaeh.

This can be either oneshot or HCS! You an also adjust this request to your liking jsjss

Thank you and have a good morning/afternoon/evening!

lost and found | Konig

hi anon, thank you for your request! I wasn't too sure if you wanted to go nsfw with this or kinda like a fluff/angst so I can def do a part two nsfw if you'd like hehehe. not proof read!

"Konig.. its kinda hot. im tired." you mumbled behind him, dragging your feet through the mud and dirt of the forrest. "keep up maus.. were almost to the safe house." he said softly, turning his head back slightly to give you a small smile. you sighed, nodding your head slowly.

you and your team had just come back from one of the most physically challenging missions you've had yet. some of the enemies men had planted multiple bombs scattered throughout the forrest, some close to civilization, some not. you all had spent the day finding them and defusing them. hopefully all of them. it was surely a scary mission, not knowing exactly how many bombs there were planted. but given the round area of where they were, it definetly did help.

but that didnt mean you weren't any less tired. being the shortest one there, your legs got tired and gave out easily. so much so, people often realized when you were present or missing. Konig had loved that though, how small you were. its one of the reasons you've become one of the best operators on this task force. your insecurity became a strong suit. but this insecurity often got in the way of your ability to keep up.

your ankles and legs were cramping bad, and you couldnt take another steep muddy hill. without realizing you began to slow down. you tried to call out to the team, but they were already much more ahead. "eh, I know what safe house they're going to." you said to yourself. finding a tree stump, with as little moss as possible, you sat down, grabbing your ankle in hand. you threw your boot off, sighing at the release. "god this feels so much better" you sighed, closing your eyes.

your hands worked on your ankles, relieving as much stress and tension as you could before getting back up. of course you thought Konig would be mad knowing you didnt stick with the group, but your safety and well being comes first. he was the one who told you so anyways.

standing from the stump, you stretched your back out, grabbed your gun that you had rested behind you and made your way back towards where they were walking. Konig was right in it wasn't taking too long to get to the safe house. maybe another 5 or so minuets walking.

there it was, the dark green brick house. no lights came from the inside, the door was closed. as you got closer you actually began to realize nobody was inside. tilting your head, you walked over to the heavy wood door, pushing it open. as expected, you were greeted with nothing. " what the fuck.." where could they have gone? this was the closest safe house, the one you all went to for each mission.

grabbing your walkie from your back pocket, you began to radio the team. "konig do you copy?" static from the other side. "konig do you copy?" you asked again, voice more firm. but again, radio static. thats when the panic began to kick in. where could they have gone? there wasn't many safe houses you knew of in this forrest, maybe it was new? you mentally cursed yourself for this, but began to relax. Konig would come looking for you. you knew he would. but how long will you be alone before he comes? what if you get attacked?

you grabbed your gun, opening up the mags. 2 left. it wasn't horrible, it was unlikely even if you were to get attacked. but there was nothing such as impossible, at least thats what you believed.

looking around the safe house, you quickly began to realize there wasn't a lot in here for survival. walking over to the sink, you pulled on the lever. brownish water came out. so that was no longer an option. food was limited but available. what were you expecting? just by the look on the outside of the house you could tell this house was old, probably way before even Konig became apart of this team.

you grabbed one of the bags of chips and made your way to the surprisingly not moldy couch, grabbing one of the magazines from the glass table. " Hot Topics of 1999".

yea, this was an old ass house.

~~

Konig searched high and low for you in the large house. he hadn't realized her loss in presence until they all grouped up in the large living room. of course he didnt panic at first, believing you had just fallen asleep in one of the rooms since you were complaining about your body hurting earlier. but when 3 hours had passed and everyone else was up, eating dinner, he grew more than worried. he grew anxious.

he jogged up the stairs of the house, searching every single room twice, then three times. you simply were not there. Konig was not one for showing emotions, but this time he couldn't stop his chest from rising and falling fast, his breath catching in his throat each time.

grabbing the dresser, he bent over it, trying his hardest to calm down. "she's not dead, she's not dead." he said to himself. but how could he prove that. you'd been alone for hours at this point, and as the leader of this team, he felt like he failed you. he felt like he failed your relationship.

of course, he knew you'd disagree with him immediately, but he wouldn't allow it. his job as a leader and boyfriend was to keep you safe and protected. he had promised you the night he pulled you into his room, kissing you without giving you the moment to think. " im never gonna let anything happen to you.. ever." he said softly. and now, look.

that anxiety turned into a mix of anger as well. he lifted his head, wiping his teary eyes and making his way back downstairs. " im going to look for our Lieutenant. stay put dont leave this house unless the rescue team comes. am I understood?" he spoke into the room, cutting off everyones conversations. they all nodded, watching Konig grab his night vision goggles, weapons and some food, shoving it into his backpack. " do you need help sir?" one of the men asked. but Konig just walked out the house, ignoring anyones offer for help. he wanted to save you, keep you protected. that was his job.

~~

night fell and you slowly began to loose hope. rescue teams always come the morning after and it was sun down at this point. sleep was something you did not get, your own anxiety keeping you up. you kept calling on the radio but got no response from anyone. how far could they even be? its impossible they've already left without you, right?

for the first time in a while, you began to cry. you were a touch person, inside and out. emotion was something you didnt show too often, another reason you were such a good member of this team. but the thought of being left alone in a forrest, a country you aren't the most familiar with. it worried you. it worried you more that you'd never see Konig again.

thats when you decided to get off you ass and stop waiting to be saved. you'd find your way to them, one way or another. you began to search the house for real now, hoping to find any ammo possible. you found more shotgun ammo than assault rifle. figures. but you lucked out in finding one mag in the bathroom.

suiting up, grabbing the rest of what snacks were left, you made your way out into the forrest. you looked around, trying to figure out which direction they could be in. but honestly you had no idea. it was dark, the flashlight clipped to your gear was a tiny one, only able to light up a small path. who knows what you could run into? or who?

but you were determined to find your people and get home. get home to Konig and never let him go. you began to walk, looking behind you, clutching your gun to your chest. the grenades and smoke bombs would only bring more attention to you, but you brought them anyways. just in case.

~~

you felt like you'd been walking for hours in a straight line, no turning, no going back. and you had yet to encounter any weird sounds, movements or figures. until of course you saw a mini fire, no tent or person. just a fire.

at first you thought it was a good idea to go and see if there was any food, water or even just a person to help you. but then you remembered your safety training. ' never, I mean NEVER, approach a random fire in the woods if lost. you dont know if it could be us, a trap from the enemy or a crazy person. its better to play it safe and seek shelter elsewhere." you'd remember Konig telling you, only you in fact. it was wrong, but he would tell the others to take the more dangerous route in situations like this. but with you, he didnt. he always 'played it safe' with you. and at first you didnt take offense. but, when he pulled you onto his lap, he smiled, saying ' I give you the safest route because id rather pick up your living body than your dead one, meine liebe." he whispered, eyes darting across your face.

and so you made the choice to keep walking, not looking back to see who it could possibly be, hoping to soon find your team and the warehouse they were in.

~~

Konig hadn't heard the footsteps at first, his head pressed against the tree stump. he was dozing off, so tired from his hours or looking for you. but just when the footsteps began to disappear, he woke up. he rubbed his eyes quickly, scanning the dark forrest. the fire helped illuminate the space around him just enough to get to see a small figure and a dim light walking away from his little camp. he knew it was a dangerous move making a fire, but he did anything he could to help you find him.

and so, without even thinking, he took the fire out, grabbed his gun and gear, following after the figure and hoping his night vision goggled would help him. he hadn't the perfect eyesight, but he was able to see exactly where the figure was going with the help of the slowly dying night light. that had to be you, who else could it be. and he knew yelling your name would not only draw attention to him, but it could scare you. you could run off in the opposite direction, once again loosing him.

so, as quickly and quietly as he could, he began to jog. he pressed his gun to his chest to stop the rustling of it, trying his hardest to jump over any tree branches large or small. he was so determined to see you. he had no clock on him, but he could assume it was late late in the night, maybe even early morning. you'd been alone for hours and hours on end and he couldnt help but tear up when he thought about pulling you into his arms, holding you and never letting you go.

but he was so caught up in the fantasy, he hadn't realized this figure had stopped. when he did realize it, he stopped immediately, freezing on the spot. he didnt want to charge the person, mainly because he didnt want to get shot. so he watched as they turned around and he realized it was you.

~~

you heard shuffling behind you, only getting closer and faster. your heart began to pump in your chest and you immediately felt sick. you were a trained military lieutenant for crying out loud. but, forrest was rarely something you needed to deal with. never a situation where you got lost alone in the dark forrest either.

so you stopped, the shuffling stopping soon after. gripping the muzzle of your gun, as well as the trigger, you turn, holding it up. you tried to put on a brave face, but the tears of fear did not hesitate to make their presence known. your chest was rapidly moving up and down, your heart going 100 miles per hour. you had no intention of shooting anyone or anything, but in order to keep yourself safe you had to.

"w-who is there" you whispered out, hoping to get a persons voice rather than an animals voice. " liebe.." a voice whispered back. you swallowed, shaking your head. that wasnt Konig. you were truly going crazy now. he'd been at the new safe house, not even realizing you were gone yet. he wouldn't come back just to look for you.. right?

but when a gun was thrown in front of your feet, accompanied by a knife and pistol, you looked up into the dark. " its me.. please tell me your okay" it was Konig. his accent was hard to miss, let alone the nickname. it was him, and for the first time in the last 12 or so hours you've been alone, you'd felt the safest you'd ever felt.

~~ he tossed his gun over, along with a pistol and knife. he'd do anything for you to know it was him. and he'd do anything to get you in his arms again. " its me.. please tell me your okay." it was silent for a bit before hushed cried came from in front of him. he pushed his night vision goggled off of his head before running over to you, pulling you into his chest.

your arms immediately wrapped around his figure, your sobs muffled into his chest. " im here now liebe.. im here. ill never let you out of my sight again." he whispered, his arms hugging around your head, pressing you deeper into his chest.

~~ Konig and you never separated the following morning. you both decided to keep pushing forward as the safe house was only another mile and a half straight. " I shouldn't have stopped. im so sorry" you said into his neck, still wiping away the tears of happiness and just worry. Konig had refused to let you walk anymore, saying ' you've done enough walking. let me take care of you."

" no liebe. i should've listened to you and stopped. im so sorry we lost you. the old safe house was one we'd been directed not to use since there wasn't much in there. thats why I brought you those." he said nodding down to your hands. in them, was a sandwich he took from the house. and he refused to let you share any with him. " there will be more for me at the house. I hope. you need to eat more than anything." he said, turning his head away from the sandwich anytime you offered.

" please.. it'll make up for loosing me in the forrest." you smiled, batting your lashes up at him. this earned a chuckle from him, a slight head shake following. " how about I make it up to you some other way, hm? for now, enjoy that for yourself." he said, winking down at you.

a blush covered your face, your head hiding in his neck once more. he chuckled at your reaction, pressing a kiss to your forehead. " I love you, liebe. so much. ill never loose you again." he said, looking forward. the warehouse was coming into view now, the large plot of land lit up by the house lights. it was kinda a dangerous, risky place to have a safe house, you began to think. but then again, you all were miles and miles into a random forrest, who would really find you?

the sky turned a dark blue, birds chirping in the trees. you assumed it was maybe 4 in the morning now, yawning at the thought of it being so early. " we're almost there maus. then we can sleep together." he smiled, another kiss pressing to your temple.

and he kept to his word. when you both got inside, your team was all waiting anxiously in the living room. " captain! we were so fucking worried, we were all about to go and look for you both." one said, running up to greet you both, the others following. you smiled at them all, loving how attentive they were of you both. " are you hurt? or hungry? we can make you both some food." another called out, handing you both two water bottles.

" thank you guys but we're fine. we all need to sleep, the team will be here in about 3 hours." Konig said, patting the back of one of the men. you hadn't realized it, but your shoes were covered in mud, and you could only assume how dirty your body was. groaning, you looked up into Konig. " I feel gross so im gonna go shower first." you said, handing him the cold water bottle. he nodded, smiling down at you. "okay maus. ill be up shortly."

that shower was one of the best you'd had. the feeling of safeness and warmth from the water. knowing Konig was right downstairs. knowing your team was downstairs. you felt like you were being dramatic, and a bit cliche, but you hadn't felt more grateful for a group of people in your life. not more than this moment right now.

you were so caught up in thought, you completely missed Konig slipping into the shower behind you. "oh you scared me!" you gasped, slapping his chest. but he just looked down at you, his eyes staring deep into yours. it sort of scared you, considering it was a look he'd never really given you unless you were in trouble. " k-koni?" you whispered, waving your hand in front of his face. but he only moved closer to you, trapping your body against the wall. his hand rested beside your head, the other beside your waist. " i.. cant stop thinking about losing you." he said, his eyes drifting down.

"Koni it was an accident. what matters is im here now and safe. we can all-" "no. I failed, as a leader. as your boyfriend as your guard as- as.. I just failed you." he said, shaking his head angrily. and it was kinda cute, seeing him so worried about you. so protective over you. " Koni you also just saved me.." you said, your hand reaching up to his face. but he shook his head, looking back into your eyes. " maus please.. let me show you how sorry I am."

| agh so slay, I hope this was good! like I said if you doo want another part with smut lmk bc I will write that for sure. but this was cute and I liked it a lot, THANK YOU ANON FOR YOUR REQUEST <33

[lains-reality]

hey lain! im so sorry if this post is long asf but i just spent like 25+ minutes reading your posts and replies to anons. i (well ego, actually) has spent every day since she learned about non-dualism seeking something that would "click." she was desperately trying to find what she needed to do to realize self, because as much as she told herself in her mind that she understands non-dualism, she really wasn't understanding. so anyway, she basically just had this feeling of "i'm done trying. this is exhausting and i'm so damn tired of this. there's nothing to try. the fact that i desire things and want to understand things etc., is all irrelevant." so with that, she started scrolling thru your posts, reading them fully rather than skimming them (she's lazy and doesn't like reading all the way, she always just skimmed long posts💀💀)

she just wanted the most simplest understanding on what to do and now she knows that it's literally just to stop identifying with ego. so i, my actual self, literally does not need to ask questions. i do not wonder what to do, all thoughts of "what do i have to fix" is ego. i do not have to convince ego that i am not her because... she isn't real and self doesn't think anyway, so anytime i have one of those exhausting mind battles where i think i'm telling ego that everything is fake and an illusion, i just need to remember that both of those thoughts are literally the ego. so feeling like i need to read more information, or i need to convince myself of something, will always be the ego, not ME. ALL THAT I NEED TO DO IS NOT IDENTIFY WITH EGO.

and let me tell you, i paused reading for a sec to "test it" (not necessarily testing anything but i was just getting into the feeling of not identifying) and i genuinely felt the difference. like i felt what i was supposed to, the freedom and desirelessness yk? every thought in my mind, every feeling i had, any desire i was thinking about "getting" i just said quietly said in my head, not me. that's all ego. and i didn't bother convincing or reassuring myself like "see its just ego so relax, okay i don't need to worry. i'm not ego! remember that!" because the only thing that ever needs reassurance is ego, and reassuring her is identifying with her. i didn't bother trying to "believe" anything because i knew anything further was ego. and if i am not ego, it is absolutely pointless to do anything more than just observe the thoughts and let it pass. i'd be holding my own self back from freedom by doing anything more than observing and letting it pass.

basically i just wanted to share that, because i got this giddy and relieving feeling because i know exactly what i need to do. it's not even something i "need to do", it's not a process, it's just a simple look at anything that makes me feel not free or like i'm desiring and thinking "not me, just ego." and moving on! i already feel less stressed because i'm not trying to achieve desires, i don't feel desire, ego does, but i'm not her so i don't have to fix it or remove the desire, i just let it pass on. i feel so relaxed now and just empty (in a good way. i'm emptied of hopelessness, desire, confusion) the "click" ego wanted so bad is basically this. and its so SIMPLE. i know that the habit of identifying is still kinda there for me though, but understanding the simplicity of this now and not feeling the need to search for "what to do" is gonna make it so easy to break the habit once and for all. thank you so much for your posts lain sincerely. i might delete tumblr to avoid the ego's habit of mindlessly opening the app and scrolling for hours cuz she thinks she needs to find the secret krabby patty formula to realizing self but at the same time your page brings such a comforting and safe feeling that i love 💙💙💙

i'm so glad you understand! it's good that you finally practised, you can read everything and get nowhere if you don't take the leap ♡

keep going!

[rain-ghoul-appreciator]

ok ive the brain was braining and i have ended up with headcannons on how the ghouls died and all the lovely shit

(tagging @ominousposting cause our ideas r so similar its kinda scary) ((super telepathy magic right here kids)) (((cause im like 98% sure ive never seen they're ghoul lore posts before this so i dont really wanna say i got inspo from them but yea its cool we're cool everything is cool 🫶🫶)))

under the cut and obv tw for death, murder, overdose, disease, drowning, fire, suicide, car accidents and poison (wow thats a lot)

phantom

died in 2010 from a car crash

will not get in a car no matter how empty the roads are

was only 17 when he died

youngest ghoul in the band (death year wise)

has all the humor from the 2000s still and it drives everyone absolutely nuts (inspired this post)

aurora

died in 1925 from accidental poisoning

was one of the flapper girls and was from a fairly wealthy family

was 24 when she was accidentally poisoned by a drink that was meant for someone else

3rd oldest band ghoul (death year wise)

still absolutely loves 1920s fashion and experiments with it by adding current trends and basically becoming the fashionista of all time

cumulus

murdered in 1953 by her husband

queen in the kitchen then, queen in the kitchen now (like seriously she can make anything and everything and its kinda scary cause how tf does she do it)

was 33 when she died cause her husband thought that she was to old and not good enough for him anymore (fuck this random guy)

4th oldest band ghoul (death year wise)

found some of her old cook books from before she died and makes nice little homecooked meals for all the ghouls every sunday because it makes her happy seeing all of them happy

rain

died in 2003 from suicide

emo kid emo kid emo kid (that kid was mcr's second fan) ((frank iero was the first obviously)) (((but he was second)))

was 15 when he killed himself, his parents were devastated

2nd youngest band ghoul (death year wise)

was absolutely stoked to find out that mcr was one of the biggest emo bands and influenced so many other bands (he almost passed out listening to music again for the first time)

mountain

died in his sleep from a disease in 1979

was the kindest guy ever but when he got sick everyone kinda avoided him cause they didn't want to get sick and felt bad seeing him like that

was 27 when he died and his whole neighborhood wished they could have done something more

5th oldest band ghoul (death year wise)

was really excited when he was introduced to the greenhouse for the first time because his room was always filled with plants before he died and it felt like his own little piece of home

sunshine

died 1995 from breast cancer

was very lonely because she spent most of her prime socializing years in a hospital bed

eventually died at 29 and was happy when she did

3rd youngest band ghoul (death year wise)

purposefully grows out her hair really long so she can cut it and donate it to make wigs for people with cancer cause she wants to help ppl be more confident with themselves and not end up like she did

dewdrop

died in 1991 from drowning

never really learned how to swim because he lived in the middle of a desert where there was no water so he felt like he didn't have to worry

was 25 when a friend pushed him off a boat as a joke and he was never able to get back up

4th youngest band ghoul (death year wise)

even though the element switch hurt like a bitch and ripped a whole piece of himself out, he felt somewhat relieved because the lingering fear of water was no longer plaguing his mind

aether

died in 1864 from a house fire

had 2 kids and a wife and they lived out in the country side in the middle of no where

was 38 when the house caught fire and he died saving his family from the flames

2nd oldest band ghoul (death year wise)

was still so incredibly british when he was summoned that dew had a heart attack when he started talking

cirrus

died in 1798 after being murdered by an angry mob

was a major activist for womens rights and had her own little rebellion against all the stupid expectations set for women back then

was 32 when an angry mov finally snuffed her out and killed her along with the rest of her little rebellion

oldest band ghoul (death year wise)

is still a hige advocate for women's rights and has to try not to laugh when someone says that she looks like/acts like herself before death (cause they obv dont know thats her lmao she cracks up everytime)

swiss

died in 1981 from a drug overdose

was an addict and wanted to stop but he couldn't afford getting help and his family didn't want to be associated with him so he was kinda on his own

overdosed at age 35 because he couldn't live like this anymore so death was the only option that he believed was available

5th youngest band ghoul (death year wise)

refuses to do any other drug than weed because he is still so extremely paranoid about becoming an addict again or accidentally overdosing

[ofsappho]

This might be kinda a weird question… so I’m aroace and I’ve been drawn to the Theoi for a long time so I’ve been on my HelPol journey recently and sometimes like… I guess I wanted to get some general thoughts since you worship Aphrodite? I recently saw a post about Aphrodite Pandemos that was kind of relieving and inspiring talking about love in more broad terms than we generally talk about in society. So I wanted to ask from your experience do you think there would be any problem with me trying to build a relationship with her being aroace? Idk it’s just an anxiety I have I guess and idk who to ask about this.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

Hey Anon, I'm really sorry, I just spent like an hour or so writing a very long and detailed answer to this ask only for Tumblr to eat it up. I can't find it in my drafts or anything which tells me all of it is gone now. I will try to rewrite it the best I can. (I actually might start crying because the post was very detailed and labor-intensive. Boo.)

IM SO SORRY ITS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO SIT DOWN AND ANSWER, I HAVE BEEN VERY TIRED AND BUSY. BUT HERE IT IS.

I'm glad my post about Aphrodite Pandemos resonated so much with you! That was definitely the intent. I have Very Strong Feelings about how I feel that Aphrodite has been reduced down solely to her romantic and sexual aspects by the modern day pagan/polytheist/witch/etc community at large. This both does her an immense disservice as a god and is emblematic of the western capitalist hyperfixation on monogamous romantic + sexual love. Which we should be leaning away from, not into.

But you definitely came to the right person with this ask. I have never worshipped Aphrodite in either her romantic or sexual aspects.

So, specifically, I am devoted to Aphrodite Areia, or Aphrodite the Warlike. And along with Aphrodite Areia, I also worship Aphrodite Hoplismene, or Armed Aphrodite, and Aphrodite Nikephoros, Aphrodite the bringer of victory.

She has never interacted with me as solely a goddess of romantic love or sexual love.

In my experience, she is truly a goddess of love and war, love for war and battle and bloodlust, the instinct to fight and struggle, and a representation of ALL facets of the human emotional experience, love and hate. And given that emotions and feelings are what make us human, I view her as goddess of humanity itself. Emotions and relationships are the literal backbone upon which civilization and communal living is made possible, and she governs them. No matter who wants to discredit that. And so she is one of the most important gods to humanity as a whole, thought highly underrated (to me, this is UPG)

As someone who has struggled with (and is now recovered from) borderline personality disorder, finding and worshipping Aphrodite Areia has been instrumental in my recovery and my path to an overall higher quality of life. BPD takes regular emotions and regular emotional responses and amps them up to ridiculous, hyperintense, overwhelming amounts. And that is so hard to live with and so destabilizing. Obviously I’ve done copious amounts of DBT and I’m on good meds now, but we live in a society that not only shames the expression of emotion but also greatly stigmatizes any expression of mental illness that is not “cute” or “harmless”. And one of the things that Aphrodite Areia has led me to do is accept my great capacity for goodness and harm without feeling shame. This is the way I am, and while I can choose to move away from being destructive and I can choose recovery, that doesn’t mean I am bad for being this way. To worship her was to love myself in all my facets.

I am capable of good and harm and that makes me powerful. And to someone like me, who has spent a lot of life either literally powerless or feeling powerless, recognizing your power is one of the best feelings ever.

And I’m not going to lie to you and shy away from her association with specifically war and violence. I do enjoy fighting. I do enjoy the parts of myself that aren’t optimal for living in a society with others. I view these qualities as a part of the animal I am, that cannot and should not be changed, and Aphrodite Areia helps me redirect them into more positive and productive goals. My life has not been easy and I suspect it never will be. Everyday has been a fight and I take the parts of me that long for a fight and apply it to getting up in the morning. I throw myself at my trauma and my life circumstances and my struggles with all the tenacity and ferocity of a soldier going into battle. And so far, I have won.

This is also the same impulse that induces me to do shit like bodycheck cops at protests because they won’t hurt me the same way they will hurt other protestors, that makes me yell back at guys being violent and aggressive on the bus, that spurs me on to fight for a better future everyday. Because in order to sustain a lifetime’s worth of struggle towards equity, towards decolonization, towards the end of white supremacy and racism, towards something better, you have to love the fight.

On a TW note, I was raped last year and since then, my relationship towards love/sex has obviously never been the same. She has been a comfort there too, helping me fight my trauma so my rapist will never truly win, in the end. I have also prayed to her to avenge me, and while I have no contact with him, I like to think that somehow, someway, she’ll get him.

So to return to your actual question, I think there are absolutely zero problems with you being aroace and building a relationship with Aphrodite. And anyone who tells you otherwise is, quite frankly, wrong. You just have to find the facet of her that rings the truest for you and your relationship with Aphrodite is no one’s business but your own. To be honest, you probably will be pretty disconnected to most (if not all) communities online and offline for Aphrodite worshippers and devotees because they are all unilaterally about her romantic/sexual aspects. it drives me up the wall and is the reason I don’t engage in any of these communities, because i don’t really have much in common with other worshippers and there’s no value for me in sharing space. i just do my own thing in the corner of my blog/life. But don’t let that deter you if you truly feel like this is a relationship you want to grow and nurture. In my beliefs and experience, Aphrodite is there for everyone, even if people devalue emotions/relationships and devalue her. You can find your own way and you can build an incredibly meaningful worship of her if that’s what you want and need. She has a million different aspects and they are not all about romance and sex. Please feel free to message me again if you’d like, anon, I’m happy to talk more and answer any further questions you have!!!

[rucow]

ok here's my interpretation of the phantom, specifically female phantom bc im a lesbian and i crave more women characters in fiction who have actual depth and are a bit unhinged :'D

(please keep in mind that i haven't read the book yet and that my way of seeing her is based mostly on my own imagination and also me projecting very hard on her😭)

putting this under a read more bc its Long long

first, here is my art of fem!phantom ! and one more art of her

to begin, i headcanon the phantom to be named erica with a c, like the flower that grows in harsh conditions and that's very enduring and requires little water to thrive. i think it suits her! please look up "erica flower" and see for yourself :)

i think 35 is a good age for her, the same age as how long the broadway poto has been running for before closing :')

let's talk about her early life. she was born to a loving mother somewhere in eastern europe (modern day romania perhaps 👉👈), and her appearance was indeed unique but not disfigured. she was born with a birth mark of sorts that affected half of her face and her hair as well, causing strands of her black hair to lack pigment and appear as white (im thinking maybe vitiligo? idk exactly but the point is she looked Unique). she has grey eyes. besides that, as an infant she had a very quiet and calm personality as well, not really crying loudly like most babies do and often staring deeply at people, appearing "creepy" to them. (hint: she was just autistic)

erica's mother loved her. she thought these traits made her special and beautiful, not strange or unsettling. her mother would sing to little erica every day and night, but thats something erica doesn't remember, because her mother died far too soon (i like to keep the cause of death vague) and so little infant erica ended up in an orphanage.

now, the caretakers in the orphanage saw these unique traits of hers differently than her mother did. where erica's mother saw beauty and something special, these people saw Evil and Wrong. they thought they could pray away erica's "affliction" and "cure" her, both her appearance and her quiet reserved odd personality.

she was only about one year old when one of the orphanage caretakers tried a new way of "curing" erica via pouring acid on her little face. the acid dripped onto her neck as well. erica doesn't know this is what caused her scarring. as far as she knows, she has always looked the way she does. she thinks she was born this way, that she was doomed in some way, and sadly she will never know the truth: that this was Done to her

erica spent her first years of life in bandages and healing. even after she had healed, the orphanage caretakers kept her bandages on because they didn't like to See her. they didn't want to acknowledge what they'd done, so they kept her hidden and covered up and pretended her skin would be fine under the bandages.

(this is based on the 2004 film) the travelling fair. members would occasionally visit orphanages and other institutions while pretending to be interested in adopting, when in reality they were interested only in finding children they could exploit. when they saw little erica, who was still only a few years old, they knew they could make money off of her. the orphanage's caretakers were most relieved to be rid of her.

and then we all know what happened, and how a young madame giry took young erica and brought her to the opera and kept her safe and hidden. but erica was deeply traumatised and acted purely on instinct, she was completely nonverbal and nonresponsive. to this day, erica and madame giry still don't speak; their agreements are speechless and they both prefer it that way. erica is very uncomfortable acknowledging her past, so she secretly appreciates madame giry for not prying despite the fact that she witnessed little erica Murdering a whole grown man (again, she acted purely on instinct, she was protecting herself)

the opera was all she's ever known, and she has watched singers and managers and dancers come and go, while she remained. art and drama are all she's ever known. she's never felt the breeze in her hair or the sun on her face. she has access to the opera's roof, but she only goes there at nighttime when she can't be seen, and only on extremely rare occasions. art is her only escape and her only outlet. she doesn't just create music, she also paints, and she can sculpt if she has the materials for it. she creates any and all art

erica is incredibly smart as well, and has a vast knowledge on many topics despite lacking any form of education. she learned to read by watching the operas, because sometimes there would be signs and written words on the props. she paid close attention to any and all information she could get, and there were a lot of old things stored down there beneath the opera house that helped her learn and discover new things. but even so, her knowledge of the real world is incredibly limited. she has no idea what the sea sounds like, or what mountain air smells like

having so little to do, she focused her attention on the operas and on studying them, seeing what could be improved and thinking of how to make them come to life. she found most of the singers and dancers lacking, she felt no one really understood the passion required to make a performance feel alive. but that is probably because the performances were just a job to most of those people, while for erica it was her entire lifestyle. at the end of the day, the performers and managers and whatnot would go home to their families and see to their lives, while erica can never leave the opera house. she's fixated on every aspect of it, from the music to the choreography to the management... she constantly sees things that could be improved, and that leads me to my next point.

she started disguising as the phantom in order to help bring her vision to life, by communicating what she wants changed in the operas. of course, her social skills are lacking, so she puts on an act when interacting with anyone, and she doesn't let herself be seen. acting is the only way she knows how to approach another human, so adopting the role of a phantom wasn't hard for her. its easier to be the villain than to be herself. she is, in both literal and autistic terms, masking. she also sees how women are treated, and how they're not taken as seriously as men, so she dresses herself as a man and uses her naturally deeper and lower voice to seem as one. she's also very tall, which really helps on the rare occasion that she's spotted, though it's usually only her shadow that gets seen

now, christine. erica pretending to be christine's father/angel. again, she did this because its easier for her to play a role than to be herself. she knows that no one would accept her for her true self. she doesn't even really know herself, she's never had the chance to discover herself.. what she's like when she's laughing with friends, or how she acts when caring for a pet or child.. she doesn't know herself at all, all she knows is her work, her passion, her escape: music, art, acting. dreaming.

at first, erica did use christine as a way of making her dreams come to life. she can't perform herself, both because of her appearance and because her voice doesn't allow her to sing as a soprano. so she sees christine, alone and aimless, and begins refining her talent. erica never realises how intensely she feels for christine until raoul comes into play. she's possessive, not really in a romantic sense, but because christine is all she has. christine is the only person who willingly meets with her and listens to her, even though she doesn't know her true identity

seeing christine face to face and in the flesh is what really awoke feelings in erica though, and what made her want to have christine to herself, though she doesn't know how to go about it other than pretending to be something that christine can find trustworthy and desirable (again, the whole masquerading as an angel thing). but erica tries, she tries to drop the façade and be herself. she tries to ask christine to trust and accept her, but you can imagine how difficult and terrifying it must be to be that vulnerable with someone for the first time in your life.

when the unmasking happens, erica basically goes into full panic mode, and can't regain her composure. she doesn't know that christine's intention wasn't bad, but she's truly deeply traumatised and acted on instinct once again, which caused her to lash out at christine as a form of defense. she was really really scared in that moment, and once she became rational again she felt immensely guilty for lashing out at christine and for frightening her :')

she pretty much hates raoul. because he's what she can't be: a safe presence for christine, someone she can feel protected by, someone who can OFFER her a life of freedom and warmth. someone who can be seen in public with her, someone who wont ruin her reputation. erica has nothing to offer but her creations, her music, her hidden passions. she hates raoul because she can't be him. because she can't compete with him. she feels this way about most men, its just that raoul just so happens to be the man that christine is closest to

the murder of buquet. erica had always despised him, for obvious reasons. he reminded her of the men at the travelling fair, with the way he would describe her just for shock factor, and she didn't know how to process that. he was always watching the dancers too closely. his death was a perfect way of showing that she should be taken seriously and that her demands should be met. his death also meant the death of any memory of her past. also, he saw her. she couldn't let him live anyway

the masquerade! don juan triumphant was basically erica's vent art/music (she needs healthier coping mechanisms /lh). erica declaring herself christine's teacher in front of all to see...a cruel act which served to humiliate christine and force her into being associated with her. with the phantom. a complete parallel to christine and raoul's secret engagement........

erica's SINGING. it's just as unique as the rest of her, each word she sings is filled with emotion and passion and meaning. she sings low, and her voice can be soft and forcefully powerful in the same breath. she sounds unearthly, especially since she has no training herself yet she knows how to express herself through song. if only she knew how lovely she sounds,,,,,

performing the point of no return with christine on stage was the highlight of erica's life. she had abandoned all fear and showed herself in public, in front of all to see, JUST to be with christine and to show christine her heart. yes, she knocked piangi out (she didnt quite kill him, because shes Not a mindless murderer) to steal his role, and she doesn't regret it. singing with christine is erica's favourite activity and she wants the whole world to see how well they complement each other. madame giry nearly had a heart attack when she saw erica on stage

erica didn't see it as herself kidnapping christine. in her mind she Had to do this, because it was the only way to make christine understand her and force her to SEE how she feels for her..... and she never intended on killing raoul. would she take her frustrations out on him and brawl with him and choke him and whatnot? yes. would she kill him? no. she can't do that to christine. but it Did feel good to fight him. fighting for her life is all she's known after all

erica was so desperate to show christine her heart that she was willing to say and do anything, and her making christine choose between raoul and herself was her last desperate attempt. though inside she knew christine can't choose and that it isn't fair to force her to do it. when christine kissed her, and comforted her, and told her shes not alone, it was like the heaviest stone was lifted from erica's heart. she snapped out of her desperation and let christine go, because she truly wants to see her happy and safe, even if with someone else. erica had always known she doesn't stand a chance, she knew she can't win christine over, but she dreamt of it anyway. and if she spent less time trying to manipulate christine, she would've seen that christine was always willing to know her and to be with her

also, for any astrology nerds out there: i hc the phantom to be a pisces (with a scorpio moon and capricorn rising) :') basically i made her be an emotional wreck who gets Very obsessive about her passions. art flows through her

that is all :) im sane about her (not true)

[pinnithin]

work got me down as usual so i gotta ramble

a master sergeant who works in my flight apologized to me yesterday for something i didnt even take offense to. long story but its annual award season so a lot of our time right now is spent workshopping the award packages from our squadron so they'll be competitive at the wing level. and this guy wrote one for an airman who'd done really well this year, but due to a misunderstanding it looked like he'd plagiarized the previous year's, and we discovered this in the middle of the meeting in front of the other flights and it just kinda made us look dickish.

anyway, i didn't really care, because i didnt do it. felt bad for the airman but she'd earned a pretty significant early promotion like a week prior so it was probably fine if the award got tossed (it didnt - they let us rework and resubmit it). but in the end nobody died, nobody got hurt, whatever. it wasted like 3 hours of everyone's time but we're salaried so its not that big of a deal. the master sergeant in question was not present at this meeting to defend himself, but my superintendent called him to give him a piece of his mind because he made us look like assholes in front of the other flights. i didnt get into it because i didnt really care.

this week rolls around, the guy catches me to apologize and explain that it was a mistake and he thought he was copying valid bullets from past awards (common practice - theres only so many ways you can explain that a guy inventoried a warehouse real good). he told me he felt like shit all weekend because of it and he dreaded coming to work this week after "putting us through that" in front of the squadron. and i was like, man. thats a really small silly thing to feel like shit over.

and i was all "man its okay, they let us resubmit it, mistakes happen, nobody got hurt etc etc" and he was like no but you still had to defend your reputations in front of the other flights and my mistake put you in that situation and i was like, really? thats what youre upset about? MY reputation? you realize i dont care what any of these people think about me, right? and i didn't even make the mistake - that was you! and if people think im a jackass because one of my guys made a mistake that was easily fixable then thats their problem. there are way more important things to worry about.

he looked relieved and then got really quiet and was like, how are you like that?

like what?

how do you just let this stuff go all the time? i beat myself up all weekend over this and youre just... fine about it?

this isn't the first time someones asked me this, albeit more casually like "youre so chill LT i wish i was as chill as you" yknow but he seemed like genuinely concerned and i had to pause for a second before being like. therapy? its therapy. im like this because im in therapy.

i mean its also the constant exhaustion and being jaded and desensitized to this hellish war machine, but i can cope a hell of a lot better with it. i have to actively work at it to maintain a healthy mindset or ill go berserk. this is not my natural state i had to build this.

this guy is ten years older than me, has been in the air force for, i wanna say 13 years? crippled with anxiety and guilt over, what, embarrassing (not really) his boss? i just felt so fucking bad for him.

and theres so many people here who are like him, who hold themselves to these impossible standards because of the weird mind games this brutal industry puts everyone through. i have met more people with work induced neuroses in the three years here than ive ever seen anywhere else in my life, and im sure i have a collection of my own that im blind to as well. this job is merciless and will grind you into dust with no remorse if it means making the jets fly faster.

like, duh, its the military, what did you expect. obviously working for the business that kills people will mess you up. but it still sucks, right? ive met really good people here who have been irreparably damaged in their service and they wont even get help because theyre too afraid to damage their career in the job that hurt them in the first place. it sucks. it sucks to see.

not just people who've been here a long time, literally everyone i know here deals with some kind of trauma (mild though it may be for some of the newer kids, youre still getting shipped away from your family and everything you know for a job you might not even like, in a cruel profession, and thatll upset anyone just a little at least). i know people who've been here 3 months who are like this is the lowest ive ever felt. i know people who are 3 months from retirement who are like i put my life into this job and all it did was chew me up and spit me out.

once again. military. it should be obvious. i can still be sad about it though i think. maybe nobody whos a good person voluntarily joins the military, so maybe we all kind of deserve it, but i think we're still allowed to be kind of upset about it.

i have one year left. i have complicated feelings about it. ive also been irreparably damaged here, but at the same time im at the point where i really like the person i am and i would not be that person without having to go through the fucking pits of hell in this shitty ass job. i know part of it is because of my own efforts to unfuck myself after i got horribly fucked over and had a nervous breakdown in mid 2021, but now i kind of have that point of reference to ground me? like anything i do from now on has never been as hard as that part of my life was. and i dont think i would have taken therapy and recovery as seriously if i wasn't dealing with ptsd. so i dunno.

im not sure where im going with this its just like. fuck this place. fuck this fucking job. i only care about the people ive met here and i feel like im abandoning them by getting out next year, but if i stay inside a burning house i'll die too yknow

[timmicita]

i cant believe i spent 3 months of my life on this… here it is, the most self indulgent thing i will ever make

[liannelara-dracula]

GIRL I JUST GOT AND IDEA . HC . What if the triplets werent Cordelia's son, I mean they found out that for Karlheinz plans , their mother ( who was gentle and loved them) was locked up in a tower because she was useless for him and then he gave them to Cordelia and now on . Would they save her? How would they behave with her treating them with love? Im really curious about how these three sadistic fuckers would react to a real good parental figure( knowing how broken they are and it would take centuries to , at least, turn then "normal")

Hi Love,

omg what a wonderful idea, sorry I took so long to answer. I made these hcs more general regarding the three of them. I hope you like it tho. Let me know if you have more questions. These are the asks I love the most tbh. You really blew my mind with this question love. Anyways let me show you what I have here.

-Liannelara

———————

Prompt

Requests are open

Rules

———————

Omg girl that is a cool idea actually. Very interesting tbh.

Okay, I picture that when they found this out they were hella shocked.

But honestly angry too and also generally curious tbh.

Like if they if hated their father a little, now they really hate him.

I think Ayato was mostly shocked and angry, as was Laito but I see him being curious at the same time.

Kanato on the other hand is probably only curious since he doesn’t exactly have any sanity left tbh.

So they’d probably want to figure out what was going on and how this all happened.

They probably asked for their brothers to pitch in with their knowledge too bc why not.

Plus I could also see that they would help even if they act like they don’t care.

I think they would want to save her, especially if they found out she was a good person.

I could also see them wondering if its really worth it too.

But I really see that with some thinking they bothered to look for her.

She is probably in the demon world so they spent months looking for tbh because her whereabouts were unknown to everyone.

I wouldn’t be surprised if their mother was from a noble vampire family but she didn’t have any useful power so that’s why Karlheinz locked her up.

Or really had her be banned to see her children, all for his social experiment.

And the names they have are not their real names obviously but even their actual names that are probably Romanian, wouldn’t be their birth names that she gave them.

I see that Karlheinz changed everything just for there not to be suspicion.

But somehow they still managed to find out bc of some loop he forgot to tie.

So apart from meeting her and confronting her they wouldn’t know how to deal with her love.

For instance, I see that this would all move them in different ways.

Like Kanato, it could pull at his heartstrings and possibly make him tear up but then the next minute he thinks she’s just manipulating him; causing him to lash out.

This would only hurt her seeing one of her children is no longer sane and that his very own father lead him up to this.

As for Ayato, he feels moved by what she says but he’s mostly shocked and may get angry sometimes from how she speaks lovely to him.

He does want to get to know her but he isn’t going to just let her in bc again everyone (who has been through stuff) builds a wall when they get older.

Especially once we’ve gone cold with emotion, we don’t accept everyone so easily.

So he is willing to listen but when his arrogant strike runs through she might point it out.

Kinda like, “Is this what he taught you? My child, arrogance isn’t something to be proud of even if you are of royal blood. You must be humble and kind to appeal to the hearts of many.”

Overall like any normal mother, she lectures out of the goodness of her heart because she hates to see him this way.

Laito on the other hand is really stubborn, as much as he loves the fact that Cordelia isn’t his mother and she was just some random woman that abused him and it wasn’t his own blood that did it, he still isn’t going to let things go.

He feels a little relieved and deep down carries a sense of hope that she may be in fact a good person.

Although, because he is so hurt he wouldn’t admit that and he would be stubborn to change.

He probably wouldn’t take in what she has to say for the longest time bc he hates all women and doesn’t think any of them are good or sincere.

So it would take him forever to believe his mother and see that not all women are monsters.

I can see that his mother was abused and that she was able to level with him bc I think in time when they visited her she began to understand where all her sons were coming from.

And think she put two and two together and found out a bit of Laito’s past a reached out to him.

This is something she probably said that made him change: “I was young too once and I understand what you feel from the tragedy you hold close to you till this day. What was done to you and I, my son, was unjust. I was never given the choice to raise you or any of your brothers, so therefore I couldn’t save you, nor give you my undying love as a mother should. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I hope you understand.”

He’d be the hardest to reach out to and accept his mother’s love.

Like Ayato and Kanato would be convinced quite quickly and they would grow to love their mom.

Meanwhile, Laito would still have mixed feelings and if he should trust/except her.

I think through enough break through tho he would realize what love is through seeing how his mother cares for him even if she doesn’t know him. And plus she is willing to get to know him and love him.

Like she isn’t like everyone else and she is probably the only woman that could restore them back to their senses.

Of course this would take years but they would grow to be fond of her in due time.

Though I do see that she’d have be persistent and fight tooth and nail to prove to them her loyalty and love for them.

Will take maybe a century or almost a century for Laito to be convinced.

Ayato and Kanato would take maybe decades too because vampires have stronger feelings, because heightened senses so I do believe that they may not trust as fast.

So in general if she is persistent enough they will grow to love their mother.

If she gives up on them then there chance of hope to restore them is never.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ˏˋ 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝐼 𝑑𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 ˎˊ˗

©𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟔~Present

[boydiisaster]

HI ITS LATE NIGHT AND IM HAVING OM BOYS BRAINROT UHHHH if your asks are still open, I couldnt tell from ur pinned post so if ur asks were closed im super super sorry D: but,,could I request poly headcanons of Satan, Barb and a FTM MC? thanks sm :DD -✨ me im sparkle anon now yup yup

poly headcanons with satan and barbartos

reader: male, he/him pronouns (please dni with this work if you're fem aligned)

tw/cw: dysphoria mention

author's note: i've always wanted a specific anon omg hi!!! and requests are almost always opened, i'm just a slow writer who finishes his works then instantly deletes like half of it cus he doesn't like it anymore [weep] but thank you for requesting these two!! i hardly ever get requests specifically for satan and barb so it makes me very happy <333

satan

I personally headcanon Satan as someone who loves baking, so trust me when I say that you will never go hungry with him as one of your boyfriends. He'll constantly ask if you've eaten today, ready to whip you up something if your answer is no.

He sends you cat pictures all the time. He even asks if you have any other social media outlets where he can send you more cat pictures. You would tell him no, but due to his detective skills you doubt your accounts would stay a secret to him for long.

Satan loves movie nights. Horror movie nights with you are a blast, especially when you watch Devildom horror movies. The Human Realm's slasher and paranormal movies don't compare to how scary and bloodthirsty the Devildom's are. When you get scared, Satan holds you close and rubs circles into your back, whispering that it's okay. He even offers you some of the cat-shaped suckers that he regularly buys from the candy store.

He reminds you to take off your binder every day. Satan literally sets a timer once you put on your binder, and once it's passed 8 hours he contacts you. Satan is smart, but he's also the type to panic easily, so even if you keep your binder on for more than a minute after his timer goes off he'll freak out and worry that by going a little over the scheduled time your ribs will shatter like porcelain.

(I headcanon Satan as trans ftm, but for these specific headcanons let's say he's cisgender.)

Please reassure him that his boyfriend's ribs aren't made of glass and that they won't break so easily. He's panicking, MC, help.

barbatos

Despite not having much free time on his hands, Barbatos tries with all his might to give you the perfect relationship. Pretty much every free moment he has is spent with you, minus the moments where he just needs alone time.

Overall, he's a very caring but stressed out lover. An out-of-character headcanon I have is just to relieve stress he blasts heavy metal and trims his hair in the bathroom of his room late at night when Diavolo is asleep, cup of black coffee and a late night sweet beside him. (He's not one for energy drinks, so I'm sorry if you like them.)

Barbatos actually gets flustered quite easily! All you need to do is make a move to hold his hand in public and already you've got an embarrassed demon on your hands. His face always resembles a tomato after you're done complimenting his cooking, as well.

"Thank you, MC," he'll say behind a gloved hand, trying hard to not let you see him in such a vulnerable state.

Unlike Satan, Barbatos isn't as worried about your ribs. He'll still remind you to take your binder off of course, (if you wear one), but he knows your ribcage isn't going to burst if you wear it for a little longer than you're supposed to.

Just don't wear it for more than an hour after you're supposed to. Then he'll turn into Satan.

"MC your ribs are going to crack please take your binder off."

If you experience dysphoria, Barbatos is always there to try and make it a bit more bearable. He offers masculine compliments or goes as far as to suggest putting a spell over you to help. He even asks if you'd like him to talk to Diavolo about paying for you to start testosterone or get a surgery. He knows it's incredibly expensive in the human realm to do so, but there's nothing a little bit of magic and the literal Prince of Hell can't accomplish!

satan and barbatos

Sometimes you and Satan go up to the Demon Lord's castle to deliver some lunch for Barbatos, just to make sure he remembers to eat. He's so busy taking care of other people that sometimes he forgets to take care of himself. It happens, and it worries you, but you needn't fret because Barbatos has you and Satan to care about him.

Satan's brothers are so jealous of all the food Barbatos and Satan cook for you, especially Beel. It embarrasses you to no end the looks the other six brothers give you after your boyfriends cook you up what could qualify as a gourmet meal from Ristorante Six.

"It's not fair!" Leviathan whines as Satan sits a heaping plate of delicious human realm food down in front of you. "Why does MC get the special treatment just because he's your boyfriend?!"

"That's exactly why he gets the special treatment. You just answered your own question," Satan hums, smug grin on his face as he watches Levi nearly tip back in his chair from trying to demonstrate how angry he is.

You smile awkwardly and while Satan's back is turned offer up a piece of chicken. Leviathan takes it happily, mouthing "thank you."

"MC?"

You jump, banging your knee against the bottom of the table. You wince. "Yes?"

Satan gives you a playful smile. "You're too nice for your own good." He then pecks your cheek. "That's why I love you."

Sometimes the three of you will go out shopping together, always stopping by bookstores or tea shops before hitting your actual destination, which is sometimes just a larger, more fancy bookstore or tea shop....

It's okay though, because afterwards you make a trip to Madame Scream's and buy some desserts for each other. It's cute whenever Satan or Barbatos pick out a dessert they want you to try and mask it by saying "It just looked good, I thought you would enjoy it."

Barbatos leaves you a kiss on the back of your hand once your day is over and he has to get back to the Prince, saying that he loves you and that he'll see you tomorrow, throwing in a "darling" or "love" somewhere in there. It's romantic. Him and Satan make the best boyfriends, especially if you're fond of old books or creepy curses. The entirety of the dark academia aesthetic makes up your relationship with those two. Throw in a bit of baking and that pretty much sums up your boyfriends and you.

It's adorable, though. Everyone's jealous, especially Mammon.

[the-witch-of-one-piece]

*pops in* hello!

How are you today?

Soo cause you have open requests.. ( and writes for Benn 👉👈) could I ask for Benn Beckman with fem reader. And Benn is impossibly busy few weeks (cause Shanks and the rest of the went batshit crazy once upon a time ) and he is taking care of the chaos and not spending proper alone time with the reader and she is sad, but understanding and tries to hide how much is hurts her and her captain finds out at makes sure Benn will spend some time with her?

It can be nsfw or sfw I really dont mind either..

Thank you so much! I really really enjoyied the event btw 😁

Take care!

A/N: Hello Ochizo love!!! doing well thank you for asking! Oh of course I can do this. Thank you so much I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was fun to do I'm looking forward to doing more!!! I hope you enjoy!Take care as well!

Benn Beckman x Fem reader: I'm here SFW

Sitting on the deck watching Benn giving the crew orders on what to do. He could never leave them unsupervised for one minute alone. "That goes there make sure it is not upside down those are perishables." his arms were cross his eyes follow the crew to make sure they were doing everything right. Maybe you just wanted his attention for a bit but he had duties because he was the right hand man for Shanks that came first. Its been so long since you and Benn have had some private time together. When he was done with the bullshit on the ship for the day he was exhausted at times falling asleep before you could even get a word to him. You didn't want to become one of those girlfriends to always nag or bug him on wanting to spend time together either.

Passing by Shanks as he tried to wave to get your attention but you kept going looking down on the deck floor. Seeing the sadden expression on your face. "oii ____________." he patted your head.

Waking you out of your sadden state " Yes captain." twirling around to see him.

"You feeling okay you don't seem to be your glowing ball of sunshine. Whats on your mind?" Your captain asked you. Shanks did care about each and everyone of his crew members. Since you were dating Benn his right hand man he wanted to mark sure you were alright you guys did form a bond, both can be very loud and crazy together keeping Benn on his toes.

"Its nothing just tired." putting up a fake smile.

"I know you better than that." Shanks scratching his goatee. He was thinking long and hard to see if he could find the issue without having it come out of your mouth.( shanks is a smart cookie okay ya'll) managing to figure it out. "go get some rest." patting your head once again giving a comforting smile.

Shanks seen you off to your room maybe he has been relying on Benn for a lot the past few weeks and he is barley noticing the effect on you. He did feeling guilty, Shanks began to Search for Benn who was still having the men move the cargo around. "Hey Benn." shanks said cooling tone.

"Hey captain." his eyes still watching the men work. "Did you need anything?"

"Nah I'm good just bumped into ______ down the hall. She was out of it." Shanks sighed. Catchings Benn's attention "when was the last time you both spent time together." he asked.

Benn thought about it . He was caught up in his work he failed to realized how you were doing. "Its been a while."

"Maybe you should go spend sometime with her. Plus you been a bit grouchy too maybe you need to relieve some stress." shanks giving him a shoulder squeeze. "I can take over."

You were in your room laying on your side facing the wall your legs slightly curled up. The door opened,"Strange to see you in bed already." hearing your boyfriends voice. You sat up looking at him as he closed the door, making his way to the bed.

"I thought you had work to do?" asking him. You knew he had work to do but he was here with you.

"Shanks is taking care of it for the meantime.I wanted to check on you."

"im fine really everyone needs to stop worrying." the same fake smiled

"I know when you're lying to me your nose grows." he lightly flicked your nose.

"Ouch." you covered your nose. "Benn I d...." he cut you off

"I want to apologize to you."

"You didn't do anything you don't need to apologize." you shook your head and waving your hands.

"I do... I got caught up in working and fix the shit show on the ship I neglected you for sometime. I'm sorry ______.."his hand was rubbing the top of your hand.

Taking a deep breath in then releasing it."You are forgiven." you smiled slightly.

"You know you do owe me an apologize as well for not coming to me sooner. I need you to come to me when your are feeling down or want my attention. Just so you know I wont turn you down.. You're my girl." his hand running through your hair.

"I"m sorry Benn. I will be more vocal the next time."

"Sorry just won't cut it this time." He crawled on his hands and knee towards you on the bed trapping you underneath him "I think we both been neglecting other needs that are important." on his knees he sat up slightly taking his shirt off throwing it on the floor then his came too you.

[raineydays411]

Steve Harrington sucks.

Steve Harrington x Henderson!reader

A/N: Yay! My first request done!🎉✨ Please don’t hesitate to request anything, and I hope you enjoy. Sorry it tooks so long, I just started school.

Summary: (Y/n) Henderson has been through some shit in her 17 years. Her father leaving, an overprotective mother, bullies, interdimensional monsters, government conspiracies, etc. Needless to say her life was constantly changing.  There was one thing that will always remain the same though. And that was the hatred she has for the one and only Steve Harrington. 

Request from anon.

Masterlist

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 You and Steve have never seen eye to eye. You haven’t for a very long time. You two used to be best friends, but that was a long time ago. Before high school and cliques mattered, and before Steve was known as “King Steve.” But once you two entered freshman year, Steves popularity rose and you were left behind. 

Even though you and Steve no longer associated with each other, that didn’t stop you two from fighting any chance you got.

You two argued about everything. If you said the sky is blue, Steve would argue that its actually purple. No kidding, he actually made the argument that the sky was purple. Needless to say, you two hated each other.

“Steve, I swear if you don’t move your feet I’ll--”

“You’ll what Y/n, please tell me what you’ll do?

“ I’ll take your feet and shove it up you---”

“Can you guys not...”

It was always like this. Ever since Steve started dating Nancy it was like he was always there. And because Nancy was your best friend, you got reacquainted with the King of Hawkins High.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After everything Will with through with the Upside down and El, you were relieved that it was over. You could go back to your normal life of being a big sister and being top of the class. But then your brother started acting weird. 

It started on Halloween, he came home and was holding his ghost trap thing from Ghostbusters weirdly. You thought it was a rat or something at first but something seemed off.

Then Mews went missing. Mews was given to you on your thirteenth birthday, so loosing her was devastating to you. You still had faith that she just ran out and was lost somewhere in the woods. You spent hours looking for her but no dice so far. You were in your room when your mom called you from the kitchen.

“Yeah?!” you shouted, finishing up some missing flyers for Mews. 

“Can you go find Dusty for me? It’s getting dark outside.” After the incident with Will and Barb, the parents became a lot more wary when it came to being out after dark.

Rolling your eyes, you get up from your small desk and walk out to the kitchen where your mom is. As you get closer, you smell the weird concoction your mother is making on the stove. Your mom wasn’t the best cook.

“Did he mention where he was going?” you ask, scrunching up your face at the sight of the...stew??  

“He mentioned something about Lucas and a code red?? Whatever that means.”

“Code red?” you ask, you weren’t too nervous because code red could mean anything. and Dustin tends to be over dramatic. But still, a small voice in the back of your head is warning you. 

“I’m not too sure dear. Would you like to have a taste before you leave?” aaand that was your cue to leave. You start rushing to the door

“Sorry mom! I better go find Dustin before it gets to late.” 

You start to make your way down the road when a flash of red catches your eye, you walk towards it . You realize its just some pieces of meat. Then you see what looks like a trail. Leading from your basement to the woods. A bad feeling settles in your stomach, and before you go in the woods, you get a hockey stick that you wrapped with barb wire a few months ago just incase. 

Then you follow the trail of meat into the woods.

You follow the trail till it leads you to the junkyard. By the time you got there it was already dark and surprisingly foggy.

“Dustin?!!” You shout, seeing the pile of meat stopping. You step over it as you walk around shouting for your brother.

“Hello!!? Dustin this isn’t funny, moms worried about you.” 

And that's when you heard it. A low growling sound. Right behind you. 

“Y/N!! WATCH OUT”  

You spin around to see what looked like a demogorgon, but on all fours like a dog. And it was slowly walking towards you. Growling as it stepped closer and closer. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you tighten your grip on the hockey stick. Adrenaline rushing through your body. Your senses heightened as you focused on the creature in front of you. You lowered your body into a crouch to prepare for an attack. You slowly backed away slowly as it stalked toward you. You heard what sounded like Lucas or Dustin tell you to run but you knew if you turned around, that thing would pounce on you and you’d be dead. And if you died, what would happen to your brother? To Lucas?  

Then the demodog lunged at you. The muscles in its leg tightened as it jumped toward you. You held your breath as you swung the stick with all your might, hitting the monster in mid air. It yelped as its body was flung sideways. It layed there for a moment them leaped up on all fours again, You backed away but never took your eyes off it. 

“Holy shit what is she doing” a girl?? 

“YEAH THATS MY SISTER!” Dustin

“Y/N THREE O’CLOCK! THREE O’CLOCK!” shit.

You can see another figure moving in your peripheral vison. Another one. You position your body so your able to see both dogs at the same time, but then you hear chirping and growling from all ends. You were being surrounded. 

“STEVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” 

Then, Steve Harrington runs out of a broke down bus, bat in hand as he settles up behind you. 

“What the hell are you doing here Harrington?”

“Saving your ass Henderson, what does it look like?”

“I had this under control”

“Oh yeah, being surrounded definitely screams under control.” 

You aren’t given a chance to respond as another demodog leaps at you and Steve, forcing you to swing out and hit it again straight in the head. Another dog leaps at Steve, and he manages to hit it with the bat. 

“We’re going to die if we stay here” you say assessing the situation. 

“ No shit sherlock.” 

“Shut up and listen” You shout. “you run back to the bus. You need to protect the kids. I’m going to distract these fuckers. When I say the word, you open the bus door and let me in. These things hunt in packs, so they won’t chase both of us if I run first.”

“Henderson thats--” You don’t hear the rest as you dash from the spot. As predicted the dogs chase you and don’t pay no mind to Steve. You can see Steve reluctantly run back to the bus as you take a lap around the junkyard. You have to hit some more dogs but you manage to get back where you were. 

Then you were tackled. Dropping your stick you scream in pain as the demodog digs it claws in your shoulder. You struggled to get your stick as the other dogs get closer and the one on top of you is lowering its flower mouth to your throat. 

“Y/N” you hear your brother scream desperately. You find the strength to kick the dog off of you and launch yourself off the ground. You scoop up the hockey stick and swat the other dog that was in your way as you sprint towards the bus. 

“NOW STEVE LET ME IN” You screech as you near the bus. The doors slide open as hands wrap around your arms and pull you in. 

You lay there for a few seconds breathless. Muscles burning and ears ringing. You ignore the kids talking over each other and Dutsin fretting over you. You just breath, feeling a bit safer than you did outside. Then something rams into the side of the bus. The kids start screaming and Steve shouts something. You gather your strength once more and stand up, your body screaming at you. You see those demon dogs are trying to get in through the roof. You watch Steve start fighting them as you push the kids behind you. You step forward to help when suddenly they stop. Then they all run away and its quiet. After a few moments you feel weak and slump to the floor.

“Woah woah, Henderson” Steve surges forward and grabs you by the shoulders, you hiss in pain as he grabs the wound, “Shit, this is bad”

“Bad? What do you mean bad? How bad??” Dustin questions, his eyes watering at the thought of loosing his sister.

“I’m fine Dusty.” You say standing up. “ It probably just needs a cleaning and some stitches that all.” 

‘You look like you should be an extra in a WW2 documentary.” Steve deadpans. “You should go home.”

You roll your eyes “ Oh like YOU would know what that would look like, you don’t even show up to history class.” 

“ That's not the point Henderson, your arm is about to fall off.”

“I am not leaving these kids here defenseless.” you say crossing your arms, but wince as you do.

“First of all they have me, and second of all, you can’t even move your arm! You’d be in the way.” 

“ I’m sorry but who was the one that distracted those things? Who came up with that plan to get you back in the bus??” you say, annoyed at the accusation of being useless. 

“she has a point” muttered Lucas, earning him a smack in the arm by Max and a glare from Steve. 

“Listen Harrington” You say poking him in the chest. “ I’m fine, im not going anywhere, and I can kick your ass even with my arm fucked up. Now we’re going to get out of this FUCKING bus and figure out what the fuck is going on. AM I CLEAR?” 

A shocked silence settles in the bus. Lucas and Dustin chuckled and Max smirked in admiration. Steve glared at you, simply saying “Crystal” and turned around marching off the bus. You roll your eyes as Lucas and Max get off as well, leaving only you and your brother.

“That was really badass. The way you fought those demodogs back there.” Dustin said looking up at you. 

You smile and ruffle his hair. 

“ I wasn’t going to let them get my Dusty Bun” You say in a baby tone pulling him in for a hug. He groans at the name but hugs you back. 

“HENDERSONS MOVE YOUR ASSES” Steve shouts. You roll your eyes and nudge Dustin towards the door. 

“Come on, before King Steve blows a gasket” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You find out that Dart killed Mews and are absolutely devastated. Dustin felt guilty as he was basically the reason why your beloved cat died. 

“It’s fine Dustin, now I have even more of a reason to kick their doggy ass.” 

You walk ahead of the group seething in anger and fear. Your arm was still sluggishly bleeding and throbbing in pain. 

“You really should do something about that shoulder” Steve said as he walks up next to you. 

“Sure, let me just stop at the hospital while my brother and his friends chase flesh eating dogs from another dimension.” you reply in an sarcastic tone.

“I’m just trying to help.” Steve says in a soft tione

You roll your eyes and mutter a fine. You then rip a strip of fabric from the bottom of your shirt and wrap it around your shoulder. 

‘There are you happy now?”you ask

Steve is stunned, he never realized how...tough you are.In fact this whole experience has made him realize how smart and resilient you’ve become. Far different from the shy quiet girl you used to be when the two of you were friends. He never wanted to stop being your friend, in fact he even harbored a little crush on you but he just got caught up in the popularity and attention. Then he got with Nancy and started seeing you constantly again, only now you hated him. It hurt him in ways he didn’t understand. And while he’ll always love Nancy, he’s starting to realize that maybe he’s starting to fall in love with you too.

You look at him weird, as he just stared at you with this weird look on his face. You walked past him as the entrance to the lab becomes clear. 

“Hey guys” You shout. “We’re here.”

Then you hear it. Bone chilling roars fill the air. The lights are out inside the lab and you can hear the screams of the people inside. and then rustling comes from the woods. You push the kids behind you and Steve as you tighten the grip on your weapons. 

“Steve?” “Y/n?’

“Nancy?’” “Jonathan?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After finding out El was actually alive and Will’s interrogation, you officially have seen it all. You, Steve, and the rest of the kids stayed in the Byers house while the “A team” went back to the lab. You finally were cleaning your shoulder when you heard the rumble of an engine. 

Great Billy Hargrove.

“It’s my brother! If he catches me here he’ll kill me” Max says, he tone laced in fear. You and Steve look at each other, and then Steve walks out to deal with Billy. 

“Quick hide and don’t let him see you” you say moving toward the door. You open it in time to see Billy knock Steve down and kick him. You flinch and are just glad that it wasn’t you. 

“Oh” Billy coos, “ Are you gonna let me in Princess or am I gonna have to move you?” 

“Moving me sounds fun, how about we try that” you flirt back, hey anything to get him to calm down. 

He chuckles. “Nice try toots but I got a bone to pick with my step sister.” And with that she shoves you out of the way. You realize that you can’t fight Billy off alone, so you run to help Steve. 

“Come on Harrington, up you go” You try and help him up. You hear the kids shouting and some stuff smashing. “Come on Steve, he’s on there with the kids.” You say urgently.

“I’m gonna kill him.” Steve says, finally getting up. You and Steve rush into the house to see Billy holding Lucas up against a shelf. Steve then rushes to the two, as you go to the kids making sure they’re behind you. 

“YOU’RE DEAD SINCLAIR, SO DEAD” 

“No, you are” and with that Steve punches Billy in the face. You pull Lucas away, checking him over to make sure he’s alright. The kids are cheering Steve on as he beats Billy. 

“KICK HIS ASS STEVE” 

Then the tables turn. Billy smashes a plate over Steves head, knocking him down and punching him in the face. They get into the living room and Billy isn’t stopping. He’s punching Steve in the face continuously. 

“STOP YOU’RE GONNA KILL HIM” Dustin screams 

“BILLY NO” 

You rush forward and try to pull him off. “Billy thats enough, he’s already down!” he just pushes you to the ground and resumes his beating. You get up, desperate to help Steve. 

“Y/n!” You hear Max yell.  You look at her and she hands you something. 

Will’s morphine. 

Without a second thought you ripped the cap off the needle and injected the drug in Billy’s neck. He flinched and stood up, giving poor Steve a break from his brutal beating. 

“youbitchwhatdidyoudo” He slurred as he pulled the needle from his neck. He then fell on his back, half unconscious. Max, surprising you all, took Steves bat and yelled.

“From now on you leave me and my friends alone, you understand?!” 

“Screw you.”

She brought down the bat between his legs. Your eyes widened as she slammed the nail covered bat on the floor between them. 

“SAY YOU UNDERSTAND. SAY IT! SAY IT!”

“I understand” Billy finally whispered as the drugs took over. After watching that you ran over to Steve. You checked his pulse just to make sure he was alright.

“Alright Harrington, get up” You said. “Come on Steve.” 

“Y/n, we don’t have time.” Mike said. “We have to help El.” 

“How are you even going to the tunnels Mike? It’s too far to walk.” You say as you put Steve's head on your lap. 

Max then walks up to Billy and pulls his keys out of his jacket. “Y/n can drive us.” she says. Then the whole party laughs. “What? What's so funny?”

“Y/n can’t drive us” Dustin said laughing. You glare at him from your spot.

“Why not?” Max asks.

“Because” Mike replies, “ She failed like three of her drivings tests”

“Yeah, unless you want to hit every mail box on the way and get whiplash, y/n is out” Lucas chimed in. 

“Hey! I was not that bad” you yelled incredulously. “ Besides what would we do with Steve?” 

“Leave him here?” Mike said

“With Billy?” You asked

“Yeah we could just tie Billy up or something” 

“We are not leaving Steve” Dustin said. “He’ll be chill when he wakes up, I promise.” 

“We still can’t go” you say. The group groans

“Why not” Mike says

“Because, I can’t drive you.” You reply. Then Max ‘s face brightens 

“I can drive.” She says 

Suddenly, you’re in the backseat of Billy's stolen car, Steve sprawled across yours, Mikes, and Dustin's lap as Max drives erratically to the field. 

And then Steve wakes up. 

“y/n??” He mutters looking at Mike, Mike gives him the side eye as Dustin starts talking.

“Hey buddy” Dustin says “ He kicked your ass but you put up a good fight”

“Dustin!” you shout

“What?” 

‘Oh god” Steve says realizing what was happening “ Oh my god stop the car!!”

“Steve I promised them you’d be cool if we brought you” 

“oh god 

“Make a left here” “you’re okay” 

“Steve relax she’s driven before”

“yeah in a parking lot””That counts!”

“Stop yelling!”

“Stop the car, stop the car” Max takes a sharp turn 

“WOAHH” “STOPTHE CAR”

“Steve calm down” “I told you we should have left him!’“

“AHH SLOW DOWN” “CALM DOWN”

“EVERYBODY SHUT UP! I’M TRYING TO FOCUS” 

Max hits the breaks as she makes to to the field. You all stumble out of the car and head to the trunk, getting ready to head into the tunnels. As you’re putting on your mask and goggles Steve stumbles to the back of the car yelling, 

“HELLO! Do you guys hear me, we are not going down there!” 

“Y/n how could you let them talk you into his” “ARE YOU DEAF? HELLO?

“WE ARE NOT---” 

“STEVE!” Dustin shouted, “The fact of the matter is that a party member needs our assistance. We can’t just abandon her.” 

“...fine” Steve says, and he puts on the bandana and goggles. You walk up to him and hand him his bat. “ Wow Harrington, you’ve never looked better” 

“Ha ha, get in the hole” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After struggling to get into the hole, you finally made it into the tunnels. It was dark and damp in there. Cold as you and the party walked further and further into what could be your doom. Specks of...something floated in the air and the walls were covered in what looked like vines. Steve was at the from of the line while you were at the end.Making sure both ends were covered and there wasn’t any chance at a sneak attack. 

You stood at the back with Dustin as he kneeled down to tie his shoe and then a flurry of that white shit sprayed in his face. He started freaking out immediatly, screming and spitting

“SHIIT! ITS IN MY MOUTH!”  

Steve ran over to him and started asking whats wrong. Seeing Steve so worried about your brother warmed your heart, especially because it’s been so long that Dustin had a male figure who cared about him in his life. Now that you think about it, Steve has been really protective over Dustin these past few days, in fact he--

“Hey Y/n, are you okay” Steve says, interrupting your thought. 

You look at him and nod, “We should keep going”

He nods and take his place back in the front. The group only had to walk a few more steps till they reached the hub, 

“Let’s torch it” Steve said as he stepped forward. The kids spread out, pouring gasoline on every inch of the  cavern.  After you were done, Steve pulled out his lighter and flicked it on. 

“You ready?” He said. You all nodded and prepared to run for your life. Steve threw the lighter and the whole hub was lit. The everyone ran. Mike got caught as a vine wrapped around his leg. Steve struggled to it get off when you came around.

“Stand back!” you yelled and swung you hockey stick down on the vine a couple times. This cut it in half as you heard it..squeal?? You then helped Mike up and urged him to start running. You were almost back to the hole when you were stopped. 

A demodog stood in the way of your freedom. Hunched low and growling as it wait for you to make your move. Thats when Dustin spoke up.

“Dart” “Shh Dustin get behind me” You shushed him, trying to pull him away from the creature but with no luck. He slowly walked toward iy.

“Dustin what are you doing?””Get away from it” the rest of the group whispered as he pulled a candy bar from his pocket.

“yumm nougat” He said, breaking the candy bar into pieces and fed them to the demon dog. ‘There you go buddy, eat up” He then waved to you. 

“hurry up go” He said still crouched down. Carefully, each member of the party passed by. Creeping passed the demodog who paid no attention.

“Bye buddy” Dustin whispered as you and Steve pulled him away. 

You finally got to the hole. You and Steve helped each of the kids up the rope. Rushing as you heard the rest of the demodogs running to find you. You finally got Dustin up the rope when you saw them. The pack of demodogs running full speed toward you and Steve. There was no time for either of you to get up the rope. Steve pulled you into his chest as the pack drew nearer. You tensed up, waiting to get torn apart by these creatures.

“Y/N! STEVE” Dustin cried, being held back by Mike and Lucas. 

The closer they got the harder it was for you to breath. You closed your eyes and dug your face into Steves chest.

They ran past you. The demodogs run right passed you and Steve as if you weren’t there. You feel them run past your legs, bumping into you as they are called somewhere else. 

You sigh in relief . You look around the cavern, realizing you’re not dead. Steve laughs a breathless laugh as you smile, the threat of death gone. You realize that you’re still pressed up against him, and look up. Staring into the brown eyes of the one and only Steve Harrington. His goggles pulled up against his forehead and his bandana around his neck. 

You don’t know if the adrenaline or you not giving a fuck, but you fling off your safety glasses, pull down your bandana ans surge up.

Capturing Steve’s lips in a kiss.

He makes a little ‘oomph” sound in surprise as he realizes what's happening. But then he relaxes and kisses you back, wrapping his arms around your waist. Your hands go into his hair as you wrap your arms around his neck, prompting him to  lean closer. His tongue brushes against your bottom lip and you begin to let it in when--

“OH GOD, REALLY?” 

Dustin. “GUYS THEY'RE MAKING OUT’”

“Ewww, come on do you really gotta do that here” Lucas complains.

“Yeah! we don’t wanna see that” Mike says, frowning in disgust. 

“Come on’ Max says, pulling Dustin and Lucas by the collar of their shirts. Mike following behind them.

You pull away from Steve, giggling as you see the awe struck face he's making. 

“Come on King Steve” You say, starting to crawl up the rope. “Before Max starts joy riding and leaves us here. He shakes his head as he watches you get to the top and starts climbing. 

“Hold your horses Henderson, I’m coming.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 5 - ao3 -

The Nightless City was like nothing Lan Qiren had ever seen before in his life.

It was grand and glorious, everything writ large on a massive scale – the number of people, the number of buildings, the size of the buildings…it was said that Lanling City was more crowded and full of people, but that was because it had a smaller scope, shoving all those people into a small area, while the Nightless City never ran out of space because any time it did it would just expand its borders further.

For someone like Lan Qiren, who longed to travel to the strange parts of the world and see all sorts of things for the first time, it was a dream come true –

Or rather, it would be, if only he had the ability to give it the attention it deserved. Which he didn’t.

The issue had initially arisen in the week leading up to their departure from the Cloud Recesses. Like all the other disciples, especially those nominated for their musical talents, Lan Qiren had spent a great deal of time in the library pavilion, perusing score after score in search of the one that they would present as their own individual selection.

He’d found one he rather liked: an exceedingly complicated piece, composed for the guqin, meant to signify the orderly chaos of nature and winning mastery over the internal chaos within. It had been a challenge to master the complex finger work, not to mention the necessary qi fluctuations required to properly showcase the song even if he had no plans to wield it as a spell – no one actually needed roots to leap up from the earth to try to trap his enemies in the middle of a musical demonstration – but he’d accomplished it, meeting even his own stringent standards for excellence. He’d been very proud, and eager to display it at the discussion conference.

His brother, in conjunction with the teacher that would be accompanying them, had rejected it.

They hadn’t even let him demonstrate that he’d adequately mastered it – their teacher, the swordfighting master that his brother liked so much, had taken a cursory look at the score and deemed it too eccentric; his brother had judged it too flashy, and thus too risky. They had recommended he perform one of the more traditional Lan sect songs that they knew he had mastered perfectly: Inquiry, perhaps, or Evocation.

Lan Qiren had decided to ignore them.

He hadn’t told them that, of course. He’d kept his decision hugged close to his chest, buried beneath a façade of calm that was easy enough to keep in place since most people couldn’t tell his stressed expression from his regular one, and his tone never really got that far from a monotone anyway.

He’d kept that secret, turning it over and over in his head, unable to think of anything else, unable to enjoy the distant travel (well, unable to enjoy it as much as he should), unable to really appreciate the grandiose opening ceremonies, the sect leaders of the Great Sects seated together on their platform, the smaller sects beneath them…

Luckily, the music competition was scheduled for the very first day of the conference, right after the opening ceremony. First there was the technical challenge, in which they all played together – that made it especially difficult, because a single wrong note by your neighbor could knock off your own playing if you weren’t focused, while the judges were all cultivators powerful enough to sharpen their hearing and pick out any discordant sounds even out of the large crowd of them all going at it together – and then the individual performances.

Lan Qiren had the honor of going fourth.

He went out there, saluted the judges, saluted the audience of sect leaders, sat down on the platform and played the song he wanted to play. If perhaps he had his heart in his throat because of a mixture of nervousness and anticipation, if perhaps his gut churned, feeling unusually full of spite and rebelliousness – he put it all aside in favor of the music.

Nothing mattered when he played but the music. Nothing.

When it was done, he stood and saluted again – the judges, then the audience – and retreated back to the area where the Lan sect was standing. As he’d expected, his teacher was waiting for him, hands behind his back and apparently calm on the surface; a small jerk of his head, and Lan Qiren knew to obediently follow him.

They couldn’t leave, of course, since that would be rude, but they went a little ways off to the side to a more secluded corner of the field where they could be safely ignored - everyone’s attention was on the performances.

“Do not tell lies,” the teacher said, a censure, and Lan Qiren dropped into a deep salute.

“I did not lie, honored teacher,” he said, eyes fixed firmly on the ground. “According to the guidelines set out when the event was announced, each disciple has the right to select his own music for the independent portion of the competition, provided that they can perform their selected composition to an adequate degree of mastery. Although you and my brother recommended that I select Inquiry as my performance piece instead, I did not accept your recommendation, and have never said that I would.”

His teacher’s frown deepened. “I would have expected better of you,” he said, and Lan Qiren’s shoulders curled inwards a little, the words cutting as deeply as any knife. “Quibbling over such a technicality with your elders – do not forget, arrogance is forbidden.”

Lan Qiren held the salute in place. “I understand, honored teacher.”

“Have you anything more to say to yourself?”

Lan Qiren thought about simply accepting the punishment that his teacher’s tone warned was inevitable, but – he really, truly did not believe he deserved it. And so, even though it might only make it worse, he opened his mouth and stumbled clumsily through the argument he had written out in advance, citing the rules and prior interpretations of the rules that he believed supported his actions. He was very confident of his grasp on the rules, but less sure of his persuasive powers and altogether despairing of any oratory skill, and yet...he had to try.

His teacher listened in stony silence. When Lan Qiren was done, he said, “I had never supposed you to be born with a lawyer’s tongue,” which was an insult – the Lan sect, like most cultivation sects, were gentry and thus had no need to seek employment in the magistrates’ courts. “Do you intend to continue on this rebellious path?”

“No, honored teacher,” Lan Qiren said emphatically. “In all other respects, I will listen to your orders, and my brother’s, as if they were carved on the Wall of Discipline.”

His teacher huffed disbelievingly, but he flicked his sleeves and went back to the crowd of Lan sect disciples currently spectating the next player in sequence without imposing any immediate punishment. That was an implicit concession to Lan Qiren’s argument: if he had failed to be convincing, a punishment would have been imposed at once.

Lan Qiren straightened himself out of his salute – his teacher had not granted him permission to rise throughout his recitation, and he hadn’t wanted to make his rebelliousness worse by presuming – and allowed himself a brilliant smile.

His teacher’s departure did not mean that he would escape all censure; his brother, sitting up at the sect leader’s pavilion, would undoubtedly have his own views on the subject, and of course simply disrespecting age and authority in public was reason enough for discipline. But Lan Qiren had done it. He had maintained his own position despite adversity and remained true to himself; he had not yielded, even if only in such a small matter, and he had persevered. Truly, it was as the rules said: have a strong will and anything can be achieved.

He looked around to check to make sure that no one had noticed their little interchange, mindful of his promise and his brother’s instruction that he not lose face, but it didn’t seem to be that way. Even on the sect leader’s pavilion, the sect leaders were all watching the performance – Wen Ruohan even had his head tilted to the side as if sharpening his hearing so as to listen more intently, which Lan Qiren supposed was further evidence that he wasn’t as disinterested in musical matters as others had speculated, and also that whoever was playing (he wasn’t paying attention) must be quite good.

It didn’t matter. Lan Qiren hadn’t played his selection because he’d been obsessively determined to win; he had only wanted to display some part of himself sincerely, and he had done so. Whatever else happened, that was sufficient.

He took a moment to find his calm once again, allowing his face to return to an expression of neutrality – gloating was unseemly, and forbidden by the rules, if other lose to you, don’t look down on them, even if the victory here was minor – and then at last returned to his place among the other Lan sect disciples.

He watched the remaining performances calmly, and without incident.

After the competition was done, the judges began to debate their rankings. Musical competitions were generally not favored at discussion conferences because of the need for careful consideration before victory or defeat could be determined – unlike in a contest of martial strength, when the contestants were near to each other in strength there was no immediate understanding of who had won – but Wen Ruohan had apparently planned ahead for that.

He announced that the contestants and audience would be dismissed while the judges’ deliberations were ongoing – in order to allow them to begin enjoying the wonders of the Nightless City, he explained with a supercilious smirk – and that the results of the competition would be announced shortly before the banquet planned for dinner.

Lan Qiren was not surprised when the sect leaders largely stayed behind, at least initially, to continue conversations; he was only relieved that he had a small reprieve before his brother came to scold him. Similarly, he was unsurprised when his fellow disciples immediately split into groups to go out to explore the Nightless City, and when those groups did not include him – even the ones that he would have otherwise expected to invite him, the ones he was more friendly with, cast fearful glances at their stone-faced teacher and apologetic ones at him; no one wanted to be associated with a troublemaker lest they be dragged into the mire alongside them.

It was fine.

Lan Qiren nodded at them, indicating that he understood, to their evident relief, and turned to look at his teacher in silent question. It was not unthinkable that he could go out alone…

“Perhaps you should stay behind,” his teacher said icily. “You can use the time for contemplation.”

Lan Qiren had promised himself: one rebellion, and nothing more. He raised his hands into a salute.

“As you say, honored teacher.”

Instead of following the others out, as he might have otherwise wanted to do, he turned his feet instead to one of the internal gardens in the Nightless City, brightly lit and shining, with a bench for him to sit and observe the designs, seeking calmness and clarity.

Maybe he could meditate a little. At least that would help pass the time -

“Congratulations on your victory.”

Lan Qiren raised his head, surprised out of the trance he’d settled info.

He had not expected anyone to find him in the garden where he was lurking, least of all Lao Nie.

“What victory?” he asked, and the older man grinned at him.

“Your imminent one, of course,” he said, gesturing for Lan Qiren to move over on the bench and settling down next to him once he complied. “That was a fantastic performance you gave earlier, and it wasn’t like we weren’t all expecting the Lan sect to win the music competition anyway.”

“Expecting the Lan sect to win doesn’t mean that I would be the one to win,” Lan Qiren mumbled, feeling his cheeks and ears go hot. “Arrogance –”

“Forbidden? Big surprise,” Lao Nie teased, and Lan Qiren ducked his head.

Technically, as a junior, he shouldn’t be acting overly familiar with sect leaders from other sects, but Lao Nie – no one ever called him Sect Leader Nie, and it wasn’t disrespect but fondness that drove them – was an exception to most rules. His Nie sect was longstanding allies of the Lan sect, and he himself was effortlessly charismatic, charming and gregarious. Even Lan Qiren’s brother admired him.

Lan Qiren also admired him.

It had been Lao Nie’s occasional intervention that had convinced his brother to take Lan Qiren along on some night-hunts when he’d been younger, and while they weren’t especially close by any means – Lan Qiren suspected he was currently simply too young to interest Lao Nie as an equal, as opposed to a junior in need of mentoring, and he longed to get old enough that that to no longer be an issue – Lao Nie was one of the few people Lan Qiren knew that had never minded indulging his eccentricities.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” Lao Nie remarked. “With all your talk of travel, I would’ve thought you’d be out exploring the city.”

Lan Qiren’s mood, which had been starting to improve, plummeted.

“Hmm. Sore spot?”

Lan Qiren’s shoulders were up by his shoulders. “I shouldn’t complain.”

“That just means you want to,” Lao Nie said wisely, and nudged him a little with his shoulder. “Did you get ordered to stay behind? You? You never break the rules.”

“I didn’t break the rules! My teacher made a strong recommendation that I reconsider my selection for the independent performance portion of the competition…”

“And you didn’t take the suggestion?” Lao Nie was smiling. “What a show of rebellion.”

Lan Qiren flushed red again. He was being teased, he knew.

“Since you’ve already had one rebellion, why not another?”

Lan Qiren frowned, not understanding.

“Go out,” Lao Nie clarified, still smiling. “There’s still at least half a shichen before dinner; you could see some of the city, apologize later – no? Why not?”

Lan Qiren was shaking his head. “I promised I would listen to my brother,” he said simply. “He instructed me to listen to the teacher, and the teacher said to stay, so I’ll stay. Perhaps tomorrow he will yield and allow me to explore by myself.”

“By yourself?”

“It would trouble the other disciples to be associated with me until there’s been an appropriate opportunity to review my behavior and determine if punishment is required –”

Lao Nie shook his head. Presumably things were different in his Nie sect, as they often were.

“Well, if you really need some company to go out, let me know,” he said.

“I couldn’t presume –”

“I’m offering,” Lao Nie said firmly, and this was why he was Lan Qiren’s favorite sect leader other than his father. Sometimes, secretly, even more than his father. “Really, I don’t understand your sect sometimes. What’s the point of keeping you so restricted? You’re already an adolescent, you’re old enough to join your own night-hunts…you can go night-hunting, right?”

“I can,” Lan Qiren confirmed, because he really was old enough to have gone on his own - old enough to night-hunt and swear oaths, that first formal stage of adulthood - but then conceded, “With company, and permission from the sect. Otherwise, disciples are only permitted to leave the Cloud Recesses to visit family.”

“…your family is the Cloud Recesses, Qiren.”

Lan Qiren shrugged.

“Don’t you feel stifled by it?”

Most of the time, he didn’t. Lan Qiren truly loved his home: he loved the routine of it, the rules; the peacefulness, the predictability, and all the familiar people; he loved the comfort of knowing where everything was and why. There was no place in the world he would rather call home, not even if he had the rest of it placed at his feet.

Still, sometimes…

He shifted a little in his seat, and decided to be a little daring. It was only Lao Nie, after all. “Well, knowing I’ll be able to leave one day helps.”

Lao Nie laughed and reached out to pat Lan Qiren’s head. His hand was large and warm.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t consider a little adventure, earlier on…?” he asked, trailing off.

“No, Sect Leader,” Lan Qiren said, and he wasn’t even that regretful. “I promised my brother. It’s important to him, you know, that I not lose face for him and the sect, and that means it’s important to me. So I won’t. I wouldn’t do that to him.”

Someone cleared their throat.

Lan Qiren looked at the doorway even as Lao Nie pulled back his hand: it was Wen Ruohan, standing there with his hands behind his back, a false smile on his lips and his eyes glittering with some strange and inexplicable emotion. “Several of the other sect leaders are demanding that you come and settle a dispute,” he said to Lao Nie. “Assuming you’re not too busy.”

Lao Nie chuckled. “For my fellow sect leaders? Never. I’ll be along momentarily.”

Wen Ruohan nodded, surveying them both briefly – Lan Qiren felt strangely vulnerable beneath his gaze, and he didn’t know why – before turning away in a swirl of robes.

“He seemed angry,” Lan Qiren observed, wondering why, but Lao Nie was already shaking his head.

“Oh, Hanhan’s more bark than bite,” he said confidently, and Lan Qiren nearly choked. Hanhan? Who would call Wen Ruohan by a diminutive? And anyway, since when did Lao Nie do that – had their relationship changed since the Lan sect conference or something? “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him. Enjoy your upcoming triumph, Qiren!”

Lan Qiren didn’t bother to remind him once again that he was not sure to win, watching him go after Wen Ruohan with long, loping strides that Lan Qiren could only envy, his own frame gawky and still uncoordinated.

He sighed.

“ – such a fuss!” He could still hear Lao Nie in the distance, the older man’s voice carrying a little too far as always. “Really, Hanhan, haven’t you done enough already, with all those rumors that are always going around since last time…?”

A brief pause, murmurs in lower voices.

“ – more honored in the breach. Even in the Lan sect!”

And then there was laughter.

Lan Qiren wondered what Lao Nie meant by that. Was he talking about Lan Qiren? To Wen Ruohan?

Surely not.

[danniburgh]

Rushingly Bittersweet, (Javier Peña x f!reader) part 1.

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc//f!reader with name.

Summary: After the fall of Escobar everything starts happening way too fast for Javier; his raise, his new office, his new team, the Cali cartel's operation, the sudden arrival of a new agent that was transferred to his team for no apparent reason, the way he was falling in love with her almost unintentionally.

And he couldn't seem to stop any of that.

Word count: +2.1k

Series warnings: talks and mentions of misogyny and sexism, cursing, smoking, drinking, eventual sex, cartel shit, watch me make some shit up to fit reader inside the narrative, guns, dea shit, feels, javier actually being a little bit more introspective, just basically me inserting reader into the third season

Chapter warnings: depictions of misogyny and some cursing

A/N: This chapter is set in season three, episode one. // this has been simmering in the back of my head for way too long, i even made a post about it just trying to ease the weight of my thoughts but my mind keeps racing with more things about this exact story, so here goes nothing. THIS GOES ALONG THE CANON OF THE THIRD SEASON kinda (so yeah, spoilers if you haven’t watched it yet), i actually had to watch it to write this because in the end, you’re a fucking DEA agent baby (also please keep in mind that english is not my native language, im really trying for this to be GOOD) 

Read on ao3 // fic index // Masterlist // fic playlist

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓 let me know if you wanna be tagged

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You knew you chose a difficult job, hell, a difficult career, you knew you had to prove yourself, your worth and your abilities countless times, at this point it wasn’t even that much of a surprise anymore. Every time you encountered another man in the office or in the field, you had to spend an incredible amount of time first proving you were capable and you knew what you were doing before even getting to work.

Yet you got comfortable in your previous destination, you had a team, you had people to trust and trusted you back, they knew you were more than capable, you didn’t have to tell them to listen to you or your ideas, you didn’t have to ask for anyone’s approval. You were just another agent.

But now you had to do it all over again.

“Shit” you growled, trying to unwrinkle your blazer with one hand, the flight down to Colombia hadn’t been at all gentle to you and you were tired and cold. Your feet were sore, your back was killing you, you were fighting the desire to get rid of your suit skirt and run to put some pants on, everybody was lying when they said Colombia was a hot place, the air was chilly, and the dress suit you were wearing barely provided any meaningful heat, and the fact that nobody went to pick you up at the airport made you even more frustrated. You were still pulling around your suitcase because apparently the embassy is such a fucking mess that not even one person told you where you were going to live yet. 

You showed your badge to the guards at the doors and they let you in without much of a look. You walked right through the lobby into the elevator, sighing in relief. Thanks America and its air conditioned buildings.

The elevator doors opened and you walked straight inside of the DEA offices, they were small, cramped and dark, great, just how you liked your work spaces.

“Hi” you said, approaching the small front desk, the receptionist looked up at you and smiled, it was the first smile you saw in a while and that made you feel a little less frustrated, you pulled out the badge again and showed it to her “can you please direct me to the office of Javier Peña?” you asked.

The girl tilted her head to the left in confusion.

“Are you agent Martin?” she said with her thick american accent, you put the badge again in the pocket of your dress pants and nodded to her.

“Yes, is he– is he expecting me?” 

“Not really, but agent Feistl is,” she said, pointing to a cornered desk almost in the back where a blond man was sitting, he looked up at the sound of his name and you sighed again.

“Oh, yeah, I talked to him on the phone, thank you,” you said, smiling a bit back to her while you walked around the unoccupied desks in the front of the office “Feistl” you said his name once you reached his desk, stretching out your hand to shake his “agent Martín” you said “it’s nice to meet you” he looked at you, frowning, but took your hand nonetheless and shook it.

“Chris Feistl” he said, a little taken aback and another man approached both of you “this is my partner, Daniel Van Ness” the larger man gave you a single nod and you shook his hand again.

“You’re agent Martin?” Van Ness said.

Here we go again.

“My last name is Martín, first name Florencia” you said, accentuating the í in your last name, inhaling the tension around and making it your own, yet another time “I’m guessing you were expecting a man?” you dropped, they looked at each other “don’t worry, it happens everytime” you finished with a small grin.

They remained silent, looking at you, yet another time you let them, although for a single moment you actually wondered if there was something wrong with the way you looked; you gave a glance to yourself on the elevator walls on your way up and aside from your hair being close to look like a mess you were ok, you take another second to try to analyze the men in front of you, the way they were standing, the expression on their faces, they were shocked that was for sure, but also… relieved? and somehow… happy?.

“Is there anywhere I can put this?” you asked, glancing at the suitcase.

“You came here all the way from the airport?” Feistl asked, you nodded.

“Yeah, no one showed up so I just grabbed a cab” Van Ness snorted and you looked at him. He didn’t say anything, “where’s my desk?” you asked again, starting to feel more frustrated but also a bit amused when again they didn’t say a thing, “you did get the memo that you’d be getting a new person today, right?” you questioned in a huff, a bit louder, looking at them in utter disbelief. Fucking embassy, fucking DEA.

“Is agent Martin here?” you heard your name being called from behind you, the men in front of you just widened their eyes and looked at you. 

“That would be me” you announced, turning around, seeing a tall, tanned skin, sweaty man approaching you, “and you must be Javier Peña” you said, allowing yourself to be more assured, stretching your hand again.

“You are agent Martin” he said, making it sound half like a question, half an assertion, looking at you up and down, he put his hands on his hips, not bothering to take your hand.

“Florencia Martín, yes sir” you dropped down your hand and pronounced your last name again, trying to get american people to pronounce your name was hard, and you hoped at least Javier Peña would understand it, yet he said it wrong. He just stood there and you glanced at him discreetly, he, differently from the men behind you, was a walking ball of frustration, you sympathized and tried to read his posture. He was trying to be cocky but his try died in his eyes, he was shocked, surprised and not at all entertained.

“No wonder why I couldn’t find you in the airport” he growled.

“You were also expecting a man” you affirmed, this time, a small hint of disappointment grew inside your stomach “don’t worry, it happens all the time” you repeated roughly. You turned around to your new partners, not caring and ignoring the look your new boss was giving you “my desk?”

Van Ness pointed a small cubicle behind his and Feislt’s big desks, you suppressed a sigh and walked towards the space, still pulling your fucking suitcase, feeling the looks of three men in your back. You were used to this, you had done it countless times, and you knew you weren’t the only woman that has gone through this. But after spending the time you spent in one single place, with the same people, doing the same thing, after having an amazing partner that had believed in you since the day you almost punched the shit out of him on the academy, after having your own office to work with him, after having faced many masculine faces disapproving you being in the same rooms as them while chasing bad guys, after receiving thousands of condescending looks when you said anything, and yet being capable of raise everybody’s expectations, starting it all over again not only sounded hard, it also sounded exhausting.

Javier couldn’t believe his fucking luck when he looked at you. He certainly was expecting a man, Washington only told him so much and he assumed what everyone did when they heard your last name, in the end it was a masculine name. For some reason he felt guilty when you told him you always get that reaction.

He tried to examine you, ever the analyzer, but he got nothing, not from the way you were still standing in front of the ridiculously small cubicle, tapping your foot against the carpeted floor, or the way you kept putting a thin strand of hair behind your ear and it kept falling in front of your right cheekbone, nothing from the way you reached for the manila folder that was waiting to be picked up or the way your fingers moved around the pages. You seemed unreadable to him and he didn’t like that. Not one bit.

You turned around when you felt his stare, he was still just standing there, looking at you.

“Is this really everything I have to be briefed on?” you questioned him lifting the folder in your left hand. He nodded and turned to the right to walk to his office “well fuck that” you murmured under your breath. You heard Van Ness snorting again and looked at him giving you a small smile, maybe you didn’t say that as quietly as you wanted, you gave him half a grin and he shook his head.

You took off your blazer and sat on the incredibly uncomfortable chair.

“Shit” you whispered again.

“Fuck” Javier said under his breath, loosening his tie and crashing into his chair. He rubbed his eyes with the ball of his hands and sighed. What the fuck did the people at Washington think. He was after a whole fucking cartel, he didn’t have his trusted partner this time, he was alone and he had to lead a team to do that, he had just lost two agents after they were stupid and reckless going around Cali and they dared to send down one random chick in some sort of replacement that for some reason seemed just so small and frail to him.

He was pretty sure you weren’t due to the fact that you were a DEA agent, but when he looked at you the only thing he could notice was the way your eyes were dimmed, maybe due to the fluorescent lights or the fact that you had flown who-knows how many hours to be there, or the way your hands seemed way too delicate to even handle a gun, or how your body looked breakable to the touch. 

He didn’t like the way his mind was forming his thoughts about you, it wasn’t right to think that way of a woman- no, a person- no, an agent he had just met, he just knew it was the macho part in him that saw you that way. He knew that if Washington had sent you all the way down to a god forsaken country fighting an unfair war, you had to be capable to endure it.

Javier scratched his stubble and reached for the thinest folder he had on his desk, it was your file. He grinned when he opened it, unbelieving of the almost non existent amount of information it had about you. It did have your full name, though, so, mistaking you for a guy was indeed his fault, just because he didn’t read the file before. 

He browsed through the last locations you had been sent to and raised his eyebrows when he saw the amount of time you’d spent in the last place. No wonder why you were being so reluctant about everything you saw and how you were being treated. He remembered how he felt when he was a newcomer and he remembered what he had to go through with Steve when he first came to the country, it was awful, and even without the language barrier, as your file said you did speak spanish, he assumed you must feel like an outcast. It was never easy, arriving at a place where everything seemed like it belonged there but you.

Javier closed the file and threw it back to the pile of manila folders in front of him. He did have his doubts about you, and surely he was wondering why he had only been sent that joke of a file and nothing else, and he didn’t want to make your stay in Colombia or at the embassy a living hell, but he did want to see what you were able to do, he couldn’t wait for you to show him what you had in you.

That last thought sent him for a bit through a deliciously nasty tangent, and he had to bring himself back to the initial train of thought: you. 

You were now his. No– you were now in his team. He was now your boss. He couldn’t think of you in any other way even if sometimes it couldn’t be avoided.

Javier rubbed his lower lip with his thumb, wondering what were you working on before arriving, trying to think what was happening in México that made you stay that long.

And a question was forming in his head… What the hell did you do to be sent to Colombia?

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