#i spy one (1) good boi in the first gif

[slaybestieslay946]

Oh me gosh can you please do a Luke Castellan x reader fic where he’s just so head over heels for her but she’s so clueless and everyone keeps trying to get her to notice but she won’t and like they’re bests friends🤗🤗

tysm for ur request! if you don't mind I tweaked it a bit so its annabeth and percy trying to set up Luke and reader! hope you enjoy!

KISS THE GIRL

word count: 2000

pairing: Luke Castellan x poseidon!reader

warnings: none!

a/n: Even though this is a daughter of poseidon fic, its not part of my future au! for Luke.

MASTERLIST

Percy and Annabeth were standing at the edge of the amphitheatre, talking about something mindless when they spotted you and Luke walking towards the entrance, seeming deeping engaged in conversation. 

Annabeth watched as you laughed at something Luke said and a light blush tinged his cheeks, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Could he get any more obvious?

“Oi, Perce,” She whispered, “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” She asked, nudging him to look in the direction of the pair of you. 

“Yeah, I see my sister with Luke, what about it-” It appeared the realisation finally struck him, “Oh my god, are they-?” 

“I don’t know. He’s definitely into her, I know that.” Annabeth mused, inspecting the pair as they grabbed two wooden swords and began sparring together, laughing as they repeatedly dodged and side-stepped the other. 

“He told you that?” Percy asked, his eyes practically bulging out of his head. 

“Well, no. But it’s pretty obvious, don’t you think?” 

Annabeth then gasped in realisation, startling Percy slightly before he realised it was just another one of her epiphanies. 

“We should get them together!” 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Isn’t that something you leave up to Aphrodite kids?” Percy asked hesitantly. 

“Battle strategy and romantic strategy aren’t all that different.” She shrugged, before dragging him off to draw up new ‘romantic’ battle plans with her. 

STAGE 1: CONFRONT LUKE

Annabeth’s strategy wasn’t all that complicated, and she was pretty certain the most difficult part would be getting Luke to admit his feelings. But, as it turns out, he cracked pretty quickly. 

“Alright, you got me.” He sighed, holding his hands up in surrender, “I do like her, but can you blame me? I mean, she’s so smart, and beautiful, and kind, and-”

“That’s enough lover boy. Cool it.” Percy said, cutting him off with a groan. As much as he had given Annabeth his blessing to go along with this crazy plan, he still didn’t want to hear Luke gushing about how hot his sister is. 

“Sorry man.” Luke chuckled awkwardly, before the pair of boys turned back to Annabeth to lead the conversation. 

“So, now that you’ve admitted it, we need to start brainstorming how we’re gonna get you guys together.” She said, clapping her hands together and producing a roll of paper, with a long list of ideas that she promptly began to read out. 

The list ranged from pretty normal things like ‘take her out on a picnic’ to insane stuff like ‘bring her a monster's head as a gift’. Luke wasn’t so sure you would be a fan of that one, but he had to admit all the other items were pretty good ideas. 

“So what do you suggest, Annie? Work our way down the list?” Luke asked, and his little sister nodded, before outlining which ones she thought would be best. 

“We should start small, you don’t wanna freak her out,” She consulted the list again, thinking to herself, “Ah, here we go, ‘Give her a compliment’.” 

“Ok, I think I can do that.” Luke grinned, his head immediately flooded with things that he loved about you. 

“Just don’t make it weird, or I’ll revoke my blessing.” Percy grumbled, his arms crossed as Luke laughed sheepishly again. 

“Will do.”

STAGE 2: START SMALL

The next week mostly consisted of Annabeth and Percy spying on you and Luke at any possible moment. 

The first of his tasks, to give you a compliment seemed to go well. The pair of preteens watched on from their spot behind a tree as the pair of you separated to go to dinner, and Luke complimented your hair. You blushed slightly, and smiled widely, before rushing off to your own table in the dining pavilion. 

Luke quickly whipped around to look at Percy and Annabeth who gave him enthusiastic thumbs ups. 

His next task was to give you a small gift, and he decided that it should take the form of the matching charm bracelets he made with the younger kids. Annabeth and Percy sat with him as he deliberated over specific colours and shapes of bead, until they were nearly sick of his equivocation. 

But, as much as watching him make it was downright annoying, Percy had to admit the way you both wore your charm bracelets everyday afterwards was pretty cute. 

The final task of the week was to bring you flowers, and that whole day Luke could be seen wading through fields of wildflowers looking for the perfect ones to add to his bouquet. This was then snuck onto your nightstand later that night by Percy, who over the course of the week had become very invested in your blossoming relationship, a fact he would deny to the ends of the earth. 

STAGE 3: ESCALATE

“Alright Luke, time to bring out the big guns.” Annabeth announced, before clearing her throat and reading the list of tasks for the week. 

‘Sit at her table during dinner’

‘At least one compliment a day’

‘One instance of arm-around-the-waist contact’

This was the point at which the Hermes boy began to get slightly nervous. The other stuff before could be pretty easily written off as friendly, but sitting at someone's table at dinner? Only couples did that. 

“Are you sure that’s not moving too fast, I mean-”

“Luke Castellan, don’t be so damn pathetic! Grow some balls, before someone else steals your girl!” Annabeth exclaimed, whacking him over the head with the list. 

He nodded, “Yes Ma’am.”

From then on, he was pretty much unwavering in his determination. He sat at your table every mealtime, slinging an arm around your shoulder, or your waist. Anytime you came up with a capture the flag strategy, he’d praise you intelligence, anytime he saw you, he greeted you with a ‘Morning beautiful’ or a ‘Hey sweetheart’. 

Annabeth and Percy were shocked with his sudden progress, but pretty impressed with the way it was going. At this point, the pair of you were practically dating. 

The only minor setback came in the form of your complete and utter cluelessness. 

Percy had decided to test the waters with you, and gently float the idea of you getting together with Luke. 

“You’ve been spending loads of time with Luke at the moment.” He remarked casually as you both walked back to cabin 3. 

“You’ve just noticed I spend time with my best friend? Well done kid.” You laughed, ruffling his curly blonde hair. 

“That’s not what I meant.” He rolled his eyes, ducking out of your grasp. 

“Then what did you mean?” You asked, hands on your hips, a confused expression on your face. 

“I meant like, you guys being ‘involved’.” He shrugged, trying to make it sound as nonchalant as possible while looking out for your every reaction. He was unreasonably invested at this point, but oh well. 

“What?!” You exclaimed, your voice suddenly going higher pitched, “Nah, no chance! Luke would never.” 

Percy had to stop his jaw from dropping to the floor. It would’ve made sense if you denied having feelings for him, but to be so oblivious of how whipped that boy was for you? He thought you were smart. 

“Yeah, sure. I guess so.” He shrugged once again, before swiftly changing the subject. 

STAGE 4: KISS THE GIRL!!

“Guys, we have a problem.” Percy said, bursting in on Luke and Annabeth’s conversation the next morning. 

“What?” The pair asked in sync, concerned expressions on their faces. 

“Y/N is an idiot.” 

“Woah, don’t say that about her-” Luke began, desperate to defend your honour, but was cut off by Annabeth’s harsh glare. 

“What do you mean, Perce?” She asked, her tone level. 

“Luke, man, she has no clue you like her. Like she is convinced it’s impossible.” Percy explained, and Annabeth’s expression also grew confused. 

“Gods, she really is dumb.” She sighed, ignoring Luke’s chiding at insulting you, “We’re gonna have to really turn it up a notch. Luke, it’s time to really bring out the big guns.”

For the next few days, Luke, Annabeth and Percy spent most of their time rushing around preparing for Annabeth’s so-called ‘masterstroke’. 

And then, after much hard work from the trio, it was ready, and Luke was whisking you away from the campfire to the surprise he had prepared for you. 

“Luke, where are we going?!” You laughed as he dragged you along by the wrist, a piece of cloth tied around your head to block your vision. 

“You’ll see.” He chuckled, gently directing you around a tree root as he led you deeper into the forest. 

“I swear, if you’re kidnapping me I am not going to be happy.” You teased that infectious smile he loved so much covering your face. 

“No, no kidnapping tonight.”

You continued to joke around together as he led you towards his destination, until eventually you came to a halt, and he was untying the cloth around your face. 

You gasped in delight as you saw you were by the pier, and in front of you was a picnic blanket set up with all of your favourite food and drink. 

Immediately you grabbed him by the arm and led him to the blanket, thanking him all the way and gushing about how sweet and amazing he was. Meanwhile, Luke was trying not to pass out from the barrage of affection you were giving him. 

The pair of you quickly tucked into the meal, laughing and joking. But all the while, Luke was preparing his confession, and trying not to let his palms get too sweaty. 

Eventually, he decided it was time, and he made his move. 

“Y/N?” 

“Yeah?” You looked up at him with shining eyes, and he had to remind himself to breathe. 

“I’m in-” His love confession was cut off by the sudden boom of fireworks above you both, and he silently cursed himself for forgetting to organise a signal with Annabeth to start them. She really did have bad timing sometimes. 

“Oh my gods! Fireworks!” You exclaimed, nudging Luke to take a closer look, pointing out which ones were your favourites, and clearly any speculation about what Luke was going to say had escaped your mind. 

Eventually the display was over, and you turned to him yet again, gushing about how lucky they were that fireworks were out tonight. He couldn’t help but wonder how someone usually so smart could be so clueless?

“I organised the fireworks, Y/N.” He said, softly, placing his calloused hand over yours. 

“What, really?!” You blinked owlishly at him for a moment before furrowing your brows and asking, “Wait, how come?” 

Luke couldn’t contain his chuckle. 

“Isn’t it obvious by now? I’m in love with you. I’ve been trying to hint at it for weeks, but clearly I wasn’t being obvious enough.”

“What? Why?” You stammered, shock coating your face entirely. 

“Why am I in love with you?” He asked as if it was a stupid question, which to him it was, because he could list a million things that he loved about you. 

“Because you’re beautiful, and smart, and kind, and generous, and every time I see you I can’t help but smile because you're my best friend and I love you more than anything.” He rambled, wiping his slightly clammy palms on his cargos. 

“Now I’d really appreciate it if you’d put me out of my misery and reject me.” He said sheepishly, itching the back of his neck. 

But, of course, the rejection never came. Instead you were rushing forwards to hold his face in your hands and kiss him, slowly and deeply. 

And, about ten metres away, Annabeth and Percy could be seen high-fiving behind a tree, before skipping back to the campfire in glee.

[illubean]

omg you write for kaido.... would you be willing to write something with him liking a male reader and being conflicted about it? they're much taller than him but secretly like cute stuff (sanrio, cats, stuffed animals, etc.) & kaido doesn't find out until they invite him over to study/hang out one day 😼 if that's too complicated or you don't feel up to it, just anything with kaido would be amazing ! i <3 your writing!

Kaido Having a Crush on SecretSoftie!Male!Reader

Characters: Shun Kaido Type: Fluff, Headcanons, Male!reader

first tdlosk rq yaayy!

Warnings: none

ok not only is he already conflicted about the fact he likes boys

but you're also INTIMIDATING?

he is quaking in his boots what if you are a secret spy from dark reunion!?

no matter how nice you are to him it still comes off as scary because you're just...so much bigger than he is

maybe it's just because he's nervous and still accepting his feelings

and one day when you ask him to come over and help you study for an upcoming exam he take's it as a threat...

you were like "Hey Kaido, mind helping me study?" and what he heard was "YOU BETTER HELP ME STUDY OR I'LL KILL YOU"

and his response in typical Kaido fashion is very meek and cowardly so you're like ???

sooooooooo after class one day you lead him to your house and he's so nervous

1. because he likes you and 2. what if you beat him up and leave him for dead in some alleyway and the studying thing was just a ruse

when you guys get to your house and to your room door his anxiety is at an all time high

until you open the door that is.

your room was decorated with all kinds of plushies, cute posters, collectible figures like sonny angels and all that (this is just stuff i have in my room LMAO)

his jaw actually drops

"This is YOUR room?!?"

you get a little embarrassed and tell him you happen to have an affinity for cute things...

after learning this he's a lot less tense around you yayyy

after you guys get closer he uses it to tease you sometimes

but don't worry, he has a lot more embarrassing secrets

Kaido under no circumstances would ever confess first

because y'know...he's a coward

but if you ever ask him out he will turn bright red and trip over his words for a good minute or so before letting out a meek "yes"

he's got the best of both worlds, a strong intimidating bf to protect him but also someone soft on the inside

he has no idea how you ever got around to returning his feelings

but you do like cute things after all...<3

[grogusmum]

A Smutty Little Jack Daniels Imagine

I've tried to do a Jack "Whiskey" Daniels fic several times, and I just can't get beyond the idea phase...

Maybe I just can't find him, his voice, something unique I can bring to him... I don't know.

Here is one, still just in an imagine/idea phase, I have literally posted and taken down, and I just don't know if it's something... but chatting with @oonajaeadira , she reminded me who I write for and why, so decided to post it again. We write for ourselves but we share for community. I hope you enjoy.

Warning: poorly executed oral sex (f receiving) it's a pity really

Okay, Ginger pretty clearly lets us know that Jack is not the best lover. But generally speaking, as a fandom, we have decided that Jack is a far more generous and skilled lover than canon tells us . Maybe because it's Pedro (and we literally can not imagine it), or because he has such a sincere and tragic love for his high school sweetheart wife and their little baby whom he has lost... idk. So I was thinking, what if we allow the canon to stand?

Jack Facts:

Fact #1: Can't find your clit to save his life

Fact #2: No foreplay to speak of

Fact #3: He's just terrible, just really bad

Until he meets you...

maybe even at the very same Music Festival that he got swiped left at

You see him go up to Coachella Girl with all his corny swagger and get rejected

But look at him, that dimple, that pout, those jeans, did he say 'what's tinder'?? Adorable

She instead goes for the guy in the track suit jacket and ball cap, cute for sure, but a boy

So you decide chat up "Stetson"

After some flirting, you conclude he is incredibly corny and bit of a goofball, but there's an undeniable charm

You like him and take him back to where your staying

He really talks himself up

All "Ride a real cowboy" "have you calling my name as loud as you want" yada yada

You wonder if he's all talk

But he's a good kisser, a very good kisser, and him calling you "sugar" does something to you

Alas, when you get down to it, his head between your legs, broad shoulds keeping them open wide, he is enthusiastic but sadly incompetent

Every once in awhile he brushes your clit with his mustache or that gorgeous nose and it's a fleeting glimps of heaven but he completely misreads every moan and gasp and does more of what ever the hell his mouth is doing

It's bad if you want him to slow down he speeds up, more to the left he does to the right, no instinct

Finally, you pull him up with sigh

Oh my Gods, he is looking at you with puppy dog eyes. With all his big talk, you'd think the problem is that he is a selfish lover, but you can see he wants to please you

So you are kind and ask him about his experience

He can't tell you about the spy aspect of his experience, of course, but what he does tell you gives you the picture of a whole lot if one-off experiences

You ask if there has been anyone he's reslly gotten to know and experiment with

And his high-school sweet heart - love of his life - wife comes into the conversation

He doesn't say, but you can tell she was somehow taken from him, tgeres a bittersweet shine in his eyes

He admits they were each others first- shy and inexperienced and pretty straightforward in their lovemaking but enthusiastic

You nod and tell him if it were you in high school and he simply put his hand on your knee, you would have melted

He looks down with a crooked smile and then up at you with those hopeful big brown puppy eyes

"Okay," you say, "can you be a good listener, Jack?" He nods enthusiastically. "Get down there, cowboy, I think we can sort this whole thing out."

[xjulixred45x]

Rin, Renzo, Juuzou: how would they react to finding out their crush is a half demon? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Awww this is kind of cute, thanks for the Request

(SORRY THIS IS KIND OF SHORT)

Rin Okumura/ Renzo Shima and Juuzou Shima x Half demon Reader: reactions

Genre: Headcanons

Reader: female

Warnings: SOME SPOILERS FOR THE ANIME AND MANGA!!!

Rin Okumura

Baby boy, baby.

To be honest, he probably already knew, being the son of SATAN, I think he can detect demons more easily.

(or maybe the reader is terrible at hiding it and wanted to embarrass herself)

but he really doesn't want to make the reader feel uncomfortable with that, because after all he KNOWS why one would want to hide that kind of information from others.

It makes you feel bad, but you think saying it will make you feel worse. He understands it.

So at first I would try to simply make it clear to the reader that she CAN trust him, that he is there for her, and that she shouldn't feel bad about telling him things.

(although this is done with very good intentions, it can end up causing the reader to feel EVEN MORE guilty for not telling her😅it's the intention that counts, I guess)

Let's say Rin is willing to wait, reader, it's worth it.

But when does she confess it to him? UFF

Partly he is so happy that she trusts him to tell her things (God knows that in the manga he needs it) and he is definitely very grateful to the reader for telling him.

but on the other hand it is difficult for him to pretend that he already knew it before😅and he is really trying not to be obvious.

Rin definitely defends the reader a lot from those who try to discriminate against her because of her demonic heritage (again, he can relate A LOT to that) and tries to be an emotional support for her, a friend.

especially after they start dating, I can definitely see Rin showing more of her own hybrid characteristics in an attempt to appease the reader and make her understand that it's okay to be just the way she is.

It is not necessary to hide it, he is just like her. They are equal. They can be weird together.

Imagine if reader had a queue too? Rin definitely doesn't hold hands anymore, INTERTAINS TAILS.

Additionally to this, I can see Rin letting her crush play with her tail to calm down after a bad moment or if she is very stressed (GENTLY obviously, it is still her weak point. thank you).

Although in general, the relationship with Rin does not change at all when the reader confesses her "secret".

He continues to worship the floor she walks on. still acting like a clingy and loving boyfriend.

It really just makes him very happy to know that someone trusted him (MY BABYOOOO)

Renzo Shima

The little shit--

HE DEFINITELY KNEW, BUT NOT BY THE MEANS YOU WANTED.

Let's be honest, when Shima started as a spy for the Illuminati he surely had to know the origin of ALL his colleagues, obviously including a reader, so he knew VERY well what he was hiding, but since at first it was of no use, he didn't really give it any importance.

It wasn't until he got into a SERIOUS relationship with a reader that he began to take it into account more.

more than anything as it is something that makes her complex.

Although his reaction may depend on whether he has already rebelled as a spy for the Illuminati or if he is still undercover and cannot tell the reader that he has already had contact with SEVERAL hirbids (and that she is the prettiest of them all, obviously).

If it is the first case, he will probably tell her in a super buffoonish way that he already knew, reminding him that he is a SPY after all, but he doesn't see her any less whether she is a demon, human, unicorn, etc.

she is still his adorable girlfriend :)

Although yes, that leaves you thinking about whether you can really leave secrets to Shima...

Now, if it's before the reveal (e.g. in the Myodha arc) I can definitely see him reacting more dramatically, but I don't think he acts out of fear towards his partner, simply because 1- he knows it wouldn't hurt him (but already I would have done it) and 2- unlike Rin, they are a normal demon hybrid, they are not at risk of killing anyone if they get a little out of control😅 so he is fine.

Regardless of the cases, Shima really isn't any different from now on, maybe a little more willing to share some information he has as a spy for both sides with his partner and try to convince them to join, but let's be honest, that's something that Shima would do it regardless of the reader's origin.

He simply wants to have some fun with his girlfriend so they can both be on the winning side! Is that bad? (morally questionable without a doubt, although let's give him points for thinking from a good intention).

probably part of or information that tells a serious reader about all the data about demon hybrids, how superior they are to the average human, how important they are in exorcism, etc.

reader will not have low self-esteem on HIS guard >:(

Although he also makes a lot of jokes about it so that the reader loses her shame and sees it as something everyday, it doesn't always work, but what matters is the intention 😅

still a little shit, but HER little shit ;)

Does anyone talk bad about her in front of him? He would act calm, scream, use many words of affirmation with the reader so that those words do not stick.

and then I would collect some favors from the Illuminati so that said person does not appear in the reader's path again :)

Let's say that Shima takes prejudice "better", but holy shit is he spiteful...

"If you don't want to be mean to anyone, that's fine, I'll be shit for both of us!" Shima's motto at this point.

Just don't let him kill anyone. please.

Juuzou Shima

Not too much to said of him honestly

To be honest, he really had no idea and was somewhat surprised to never notice.

He just thought that reader had a weird family technique!

I already said it in other Headcanons, the man is DENSE as a rock (he gives me those vibes) and definitely even if the reader had grown horns he would definitely believe it was because of some kind of ritual and not because the reader is LITERALLY a demon.

so when the reader comes TO HIM specifically to tell him that she has a secret to tell him, he expected EVERYTHING but THAT (Does she smoke weed? Is she gay? SHE'S IN LOVE WITH ME? WHAT COULD IT BE??)

His brain was going crazy.

but when the reader tells him that he is half demon? blank brain...

He literally didn't know what to say. The man was so scared that it was something bad and it ended up being...this? what a relief!

and no, he really doesn't give a damn if reader is half-demon, and he doesn't really mention it.

As Izumo mentioned, there are MANY exorcists who are demon hybrids, why would I treat the reader differently because of that?

and definitely reprimands the myodha members who DO act differently with readers for this very reason.

the man is a gentleman, both before and IN the relationship.

Therefore, he greatly respects the fact that the reader keeps this a secret and protects said secret WITH HIS LIFE.

Don't worry honey, your secret is safe with him ;)

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

SORRY THIS IS SHORTER THAN USUAL! I take it more like a pre-established relationship(and You know that the more characters, the shorter it is) and SPECIALLY with Juuzou i don't have very good ideas😭 why people like him so much?!

[theragamuffininitiative]

Episode Ratings Guide: The Man from U.N.C.L.E. 

(by yours truly)

Interested in watching a show about suave and silly secret agent spies foiling the plots of evil villainy at great hazard to themselves and looking great and wisecracking all the while? Not sure which of the 100+ episodes are the most worth watching? Got you covered!

This post contains the complete list of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. episodes, each of which are accompanied by a "summary/review" of one-or-two brief sentences and a rating number of 1-5 stars, 5 of course being the best rating and 1 the worst. These are not intended to be a full overview of any episode, but merely a personal opinion on those I think represent the characters and show the best, and display more pros than cons of being created in the 60s. These opinions are entirely my own. 👌

Note: I am posting this in more-or-less its original rough notes form, and some of the ratings come from episodes I only watched once which might be better rated with a second viewing. If I make any updates to these ratings, I will reblog so you can check the notes for that.

Also included here for science: notations indicating whether or not Napoleon (^) or Illya (*) were captured in the episode. (!) indicates both evaded capture that episode. There is some nuance to this, which I mostly left to my own determination: but mainly this is used for direct capture and imprisonment by Thrush, not being otherwise incapacitated. Note: I have not yet finished adding these notations and will be editing for that.

Currently, the entire show is available HERE on the Internet Archives for your watching pleasure. 😊

Episodes and their ratings are below the cut, listed by show order, not rating category.

Enjoy!

S1 Uncle episodes:

(S1 was arguably the best season overall, with a few exceptions, and the only one filmed in black and white.)

The Vulcan Affair: pilot and a good deal of fun, with a decent storyline and the first "innocent" female character that becomes a staple in each episode is actually very charming here as she has a lot of fun being a spy instead of a housewife. Precious little Illya though. Still 5 stars ^

The Iowa Scuba Affair: Fun plot and Napoleon being a good spy. Zero Illya. Good climax at the end though. 3 or 4 stars. ^

The Quadripartite Affair: intriguing plot with the fear gas, some good lines, and Napoleon's first time rescuing Illya. 4 stars. *

The Shark Affair: this one had a very interesting plot, not the best execution of it imho. Some good interaction between the boys though. The "innocent" is more comic relief than femme fatale which I actually enjoy. 3 Stars. ^* (but the capture was kind of intentional)

The Deadly Games Affair: Fun plot where Napoleon has a flirtatious on again off again relationship with a known Thrush agent - the will they/won't they in this case more often being will she try to kill him again. Hitler zombie makes an appearance. “Another tunnel. You've got a lot of gopher in you.” 4 Stars. ^

The Green Opal Affair: mind control island with cheetahs. weird all around, not enough Illya. 2 Stars. ^

The Giuoco Piano Affair: Sequel to Quadripartite, which is fun because Marian is back. Napoleon is wonderfully suave. Fun plot! Some good ole cultural insensitivities. 4 stars. ^

The Double Affair: pretty fun, not enough Illya, and "somewhere in the Austrian alps" over the Griffith Observatory made me laugh so hard. 3 Stars. ^

The Project Strigas Affair: I honestly don't remember much of the plot but it is a fun caper, but the shining points are the guest stars and it's worth it for that alone. Good amount of Illya too. 4 Stars. !

The Finny-Foot Affair: intriguing if swiss-cheesey plot, but the real draw is the interactions between Napoleon and little Chris. 4 Stars. ^

The Neptune Affair: they made Illya leave in the beginning but it was still enjoyable. We stan Harvey Muller. John Banner (Schultz) appearance! 3 Stars. ^

The Dove Affair: ridiculous episode, you have to not at all take it seriously and then you can have a great time. No illya, sad. 3 Stars. !

The King of Knaves Affair: one hilarious bit where I fights off an intruder for N. Otherwise 2 stars. ^

The Terbuf Affair: kind of a mess of an episode but the sincerity of the plot with Napoleon is nice. Illya is fun, even if the whole gypsy thing is a little eesh. Otherwise meh episode. 3 stars.^

The Deadly Decoy Affair: utterly charming and a romp. Our boys protecting an asset…or are they. Neat and silly. 4 or even 5 Stars. ^

The Fiddlesticks Affair: I don’t care for the Innocent girl in this one but the caper plot is solid and there are some very good bits with Illya and Napoleon. 5 stars. !

The Yellow Scarf Affair: not a good episode, ridiculous plot and culturally insensitive. Also no Illya. 1 Star. ^

The Mad, Mad Tea Party Affair: annoying episode, especially with the girl’s acting/character choices. Some fun with a character who infiltrates Uncle HQ who makes up for it a bit. 3 stars. !

The Secret Sceptre Affair: a little cringe in some moments but great story mixed in between Napoleon and his old mentor, plus his loyalty to Illya. 4 Stars. *

The Bow-Wow Affair: a weird one, but lots of Illya content, plus a fox named Napoleon. Easily 3 Stars. !

The Four Steps Affair: Weird and cringe in many ways and otherwise not amazing. The kid annoyed me. 2 Stars maybe. *

The See Paris and Die Affair: Napoleon highkey kidnaps a woman. Has the comedy of I and N fighting each other in character and Napoleon calling himself Javert. They hurt my boy *again*. 3 stars, would be 4 if the plot were better. ^

The Brain Killer Affair: the boys have to save Waverly. Not a bad episode, not a brilliant one. 3 Stars. ! (but Illya was briefly incapacitated)

The Hong Kong Shilling Affair: idk what even to do with this one,, it was wild and nope. 1 Star.

The Never Never Affair: a fun premise and solid execution. Also everyone wants to kill Illya whoops. Make the “Cesar Romero was tall” jokes here. 4 Stars.^

The Love Affair: Token religious cult episode. They hurt my boy and I wish they had played it up a little more with Napoleon but he had a job to do so. 3 Stars maybe. ^

The Gazebo in the Maze Affair: Love this one, it has everything to recommend it. 5 Stars. ^*

The Girls of Nazarone Affair: there's no real reason to watch this one but it is a Trip, it is Insane, and I did laugh incredulously. 2 Stars. ^*

The Odd Man Affair: a good plot with a guest spy, the innocent woman is very likeable, some angst with Napoleon and Illya being concerned about him. 4 Stars. ! (But Napoleon is down for the count)

S2 Uncle episodes:

(Things get a little or a lot sillier and the show takes a minute to fully realize it is now in color, but overall quite enjoyable.)

The Alexander the Greater Affair 1+2: not a bad romp, though not stellar for a season opener despite its two acts. (However, Tracy/Dorothy Provine is great as always.) Possibly the most complex torture/execution setup of the series, and the “possibly” says a lot about the show at large, but also they get caught Multiple Times (feat. mummy illya). 3 Stars.^*x??

The Ultimate Computer Affair: Brilliant and fun, Illya really shines in this one (even as a grubby cowboy). 4 to 5 Stars. *^ (but Illya's capture is intentional)

The Foxes and Hounds Affair: A caper, a farce, a delight. Innocent of the week and plot around her leaves something to be desired. Silliness abounds. 5 stars. *^

The Discotheque Affair: not my favorite plot, but Illya looks sharp in his red jacket and there are exploding vinyl records. 3 stars.*^

The Re-Collector's Affair: Lovely clever plot with a good bit of silliness regarding stolen art and nazis. N is his s1 suave spy self and I gets a rare chance with the girl and is fabulous as usual. 5 stars. ^

The Arabian Affair: once you look past several unfortunate casting and makeup choices and the whole white savior bit, this episode is a lot of fun actually lol. 3 stars. *

The Tigers are Coming Affair: nothing special to me about this plot, some good quips as usual. 2 stars. *

The Deadly Toy Affair: Angela Lansbury guests and is charmingly ridiculous. Fun plot, lots of antics, some great lines. 4 stars.

The Cherry Blossom Affair: not amazing, but the female character has a different nuance and the banter is great. But anyone not white is shown as an idiot le sigh. 3 stars. ^ (though Illya was arrested by good guys and then gave himself up so I don't think it really counts)

The Virtue Affair: everything to love in plot, characters, quips, and really stupid villains with really complicated schemes. 5 stars. *^

The Children's Day Affair: mixed reviews, it's a fun plot, but the villains (and writers?) are gross and weird, but also there's some really solid Illya and Napoleon moments. I'll probably give it 4 stars for those. ^*

The Adriatic Express Affair: second train episode. Amusing representation of one of Illya/David's fangirls and some fun banter in the cell. The female villain is fascinating but otherwise really poor showing. 2 stars. *^

The Yukon Affair: cultural/racial insensitivity aside, a very fun episode, and we love Murphy. 4 stars.*

The Very Important Zombie Affair: not very important, a few good scenes, some heavy cringe territory, 2 stars.

The Dippy Blonde Affair: ridiculous plot but that's the show. Some unique Thrush exposition and characters. 3 stars. *

The Deadly Goddess Affair: Napoleon gets knocked out and tied up twice in this one. Villains are cringe. Great moments of Illya happily seeing Napoleon into a forced marriage. 2 stars.

The Birds and the Bees Affair: 1 star episode. High points are Illya being a soft gentleman and the director made some great camera angle choices. The rest is dumb.

The Waverly Ring Affair: features Napoleon shouting gibberish happily, and a fun plot, and an Illya to save the day plus Napoleon being genuinely clever. 4-5 stars. ^

The Bridge of Lions Affair 1&2: So much to love. The capers! The silliness! Illya chasing cats! Waverly besting the baddies! "Really? Really. Really??" 5 stars.

The Foreign Legion Affair: SKIP. 1 star episode. Bad episode. So cringe. Find the scene at the end where Napoleon rides in on the halftrack and do not watch anything else.

The Moonglow Affair: if the plot were a book and not a 60s TV show it would be so clever but as it is it was fun. IK and NS spend most of the episode out of their minds and April Dancer comes to their rescue. Love her. 4 stars.

The Nowhere Affair: A decent enough idea of a plot but I disliked the resolution. Some fun moments thrown in, and I did like how N snapped back to himself. 2 stars. ^

The King of Diamonds Affair: A Delight! Please enjoy the insanity of the bad guys pretending to be British…or Italian…no one is sure. (And then please forgive the other British representation, especially the opening scene.) 5 stars.

The Project Deephole Affair: a hapless criminal gets caught in the middle of a major sting, ft another of N's gibberish moments and a delightfully antagonistic exchange between I and the baddie. Cringey fight between Napoleon and female villain. 3 stars. *

The Round Table Affair: Fun episode where a villain turns into a protagonist sort of. Not amazing but enjoyable. Silly knight stuff abounds. 3 stars.

The Bat Cave Affair: a ridiculous riot. Not a bad time. 3-4 stars, mostly bc lots of Illya. *

The Minus-X Affair: "Corridors suck!" We know, Illya. Featuring the super drug and anti-super drug trope, and jokes at N's suits' expense. Nuanced side characters. Random plot holes abound. 3 stars.^*

The Indian Affairs Affair: -1 stars, pulls all the Native American stereotypes in absolutely absurd ways, the villain is gross, really not enjoyable.

S3 Uncle episodes:

(The most ridiculous season and not my favorite. It's....a lot. But a few episodes make the exception to be highly enjoyable.)

The Her Master's Voice Affair: the girls controlled by the lullaby episode. Adult character makes as though to spank a teen girl character at one point, like what were the writers on. 2 stars tops.

The Sort of Do-It-Yourself Dreadful Affair: girl androids. 2 stars. Except for the sparkling banter while Illya is locked up.

The Galatea Affair: My fair lady meets parent trap. Illya is great as always. Would improve without the naked bar horse thing which I hate hate hate. Napoleon replaced by Mark. 4 stars, tbh would be 5 if not for that scene.

The Super-Colossal Affair: movie/mob episode, quite fun, ending was a little disappointing but not bad. 4 stars. ^*

The Monks of St Thomas Affair: "very inferior mustard" I and N both very good at their jobs to begin, monk bald caps, cringe with n and girl and inferior plot overall. 2 stars *^

The Pop Art Affair: golf opening. Illya is great as a groovy artist lol. Otherwise 2 or 3 stars at best.

The Thor Affair: DC/Tao/Syn shows up! Culturally insensitive stuff but not the worst? Maybe? Heh. The girl is fun, radio in her tooth lol. 2-3 stars overall.

The Candidate's Wife Affair: uh meh overall. But car scene with "don't you ever turn it off?" "Well it's not my fault, when you've got it you've got it." - truly iconic. 2 stars bc the politics are boring lol.

The Come with Me to the Casbah Affair: inferior episode. Best part is when Illya hides in the hotel and is a perfect gentleman to the girl of the episode. 1-2 stars.

The Off Broadway Affair: 1-2 stars. Funny, otherwise unremarkable, and a bit cringe. Illya on Broadway lol.

The Concrete Overcoat Affair 1 and 2: Clever storyline but with So Much going on. Napoleon's storyline is more insane and comic than usual. Thrush woman hurts Illya and I loathe her so deeply, more angst than usual. 4-5 stars for cleverness with some serious plot. *^

The Abominable Snowman Affair: best features: Illya in flannel and Napoleon's failure to get either girl at the end. No one ever explained the abominable snowman part. 2 stars. ^*

The My Friend the Gorilla Affair: almost unwatchable episode. Illya has great lines. 1 star. *^

The Jingle Bells Affair: for a Christmas episode, kinda meh. Some heart and some laughs but nothing outstanding? 3 stars.

The Take Me to Your Leader Affair: Illya gets the girl this time (though somewhat against his wishes). N gets death by wind tunnel?? Fun fake aliens and Illya sings. 4 stars ^*

The Suburbia Affair: The plot is mostly meh but the set up and gags are golden. 4 stars. *

The Deadly Smorgasbord Affair: no illya. Worse! Fake stand in non-Illya. Decent plot except for the death by sun tan part. 2-3 stars ^

The Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum Affair. Amazing Illya content. Mutiny on ship controlled by Thrush and a drunk captain. 5 stars. *

The Napoleon's Tomb Affair: Napoleon jokes are perfect, otherwise very meh. 2+ stars.

The It's All Greek to Me Affair: Absolute farce, slapstick. Waverly to the rescue is the best part. 2+ stars.

The Hula Doll Affair: Absolutely charming episode! N is forced to pretend he's a Thrush operative, as their captive, and protects their new secretary. I spies on the mother Thrush and is adorable. 5 stars. ^*

The Pieces of Fate Affair: less slapstick, solid plot. The author with amnesia and Thrush Diaries one. Less than stellar execution. 3-4 stars.

The Matterhorn Affair: I don't even know where to begin. I don't have words. What even. They brought the slapstick back. But Hal Smith appears so? And the story is actually pretty heartwarming? Cute ending. 3 stars.

The Hot Number Affair: a worthless plot but an amazing time. Stupid and silly and great. The operator conversation. The kazoos! Sonny and Cher. Illya's glaring at Napoleon. 5 stars.

The When in Roma Affair: had a lot of potential. Cute scene with Illya and precocious little boy. Stolen bus. The ending downgraded this episode from solid to disappointing. 3 stars.

The Apple a Day Affair: Quite terrible honestly. I's part of the plot is ok but N's is a train wreck of the slapstick disaster. 2 stars.*

The Five Daughters Affair (1and2): 2 stars probably. Lots of little stories in one. Some really nice moment but far too few.

The Cap and Gown Affair: worthless episode, but really cute scruffy hippie Illya flirting. 2 stars.

S4 Uncle episodes:

(Here the show returns to a much more serious bent, but loses a certain amount of charm it had in the beginning.)

The Summit Five Affair: really stupid villain, ok plot, questionable directing, but the best part is Napoleon being suspected of double agenting and Illya not believing it for a second. 3 stars. ^*

The Test Tube Killer Affair: solid plot with mediocre execution. Not much in the way of Illya content even though he and N share screen time the whole episode. 3 stars.

The J for Justice Affair: again an intriguing plot but not much real content for Illya and Napoleon. 3 stars.

The Prince of Darkness Affair 1and2: thermal prism episodes. 3 stars.

The Master's Touch Affair: Nice plot. Napoleon rescuing Illya from being tortured and used as a pawn. N is great. 4-5 stars. *

The Thrush Roulette Affair: Interesting episode. Plot not super well executed, prolly due to bad pacing. Illya hypnotized into attacking Napoleon. Bad guy gross. 3 stars. *

The Deadly Quest Affair: Great melodramatic episode, terrible directing choices. Illya is held in a gas chamber and Napoleon must rescue him while being hunted. Suspend your belief a little when N and the Girl are dodging bullets and hiding behind literally nothing and this is a 5 star episode. *

The Fiery Angel Affair: a more culturally sensitive episode than usual but not by much lol. Wonderful Illya content, solid plot tbh, and no girl for Napoleon to woo. 4 stars.

The Survival School Affair: sadly no Napoleon. An okay enough and engaging plot. Illya had an entire episode to himself and they barely let him snark anyone. 3 stars.

The Gurnius Affair: Evil Illya! (Faking it.) Genuinely enjoyable and almost silly again. The photographer girl is fairly likeable actually. 3 stars ^

The Man from THRUSH Affair: zero illya equals sad. But an interesting plot and side characters. 3 stars.

The Maze Affair: charming! A return to some silliness but maintaining the drama. Illya is amazing. Thrush displays the worst target practice ever (say they were honing the gun, that works better). Random girl found halfway through who had no real purpose but hey. 5 stars. ^*

The Deep Six Affair: enjoyable, I and N get taken in by British fellow Uncle agent and his fiance, and also get dragged by Waverly multiple times. 3 stars.

The Seven Wonders of the World Affair (1and2): sad for a series end tbh, and the director did not know what they were doing it all. Docility drugs? Secret cult in a secret desert in the Himalayas?? The Shark Affair did this much better. 2 stars. ^*

Bonus! TMFU Movie: The Fifteen Years Later Affair: probably 3-4 stars, it's mostly fun for the affectionate nods to the original series and seeing our two best silly spies together. Nothing super special about the plot.

[auseyre]

Prompt 14 -KP Superlatives (dealer's choice)

1. Best Hair -Tankhun, and not just because I have a thing for red hair...okay mostly because I have a thing for red hair. But what can I say, it was at least 3 different shades, it was snatched. It was fab. 

Runner Up -Kinn. I know Mile cut his hair for this role and once it was free, it seemed to take the opportunity to fluff up as much as possible. It’s gloriously wild and poofy. 

 

2. Best James Bond Roleplay - Kinn in the white tux

Runner Up-Porsche and his various spying on Kinn

3. Best Comedic performance in a serious role -Pol. I know the prevailing theory is that he was hired to be a companion for Tankhun more than a bodyguard, but he still has bodyguard training so he can actually protect Khun and he’s still included in bodyguard activities, but yeah.

Runner Up -Gun. This man never met a dramatic moment he couldn’t drag over the top kicking and screaming. 

4. Best Prop - Red Ducati motorcycles. These get ridden more than Porsche. Everybody looks good on them. Both Kinn and Vegas let Porsche drive. They actually have passenger helmets that look like they’d protect precious skulls(looking at you Between Us and Love in the Air).  

Runner Up - Kinn’s lucky gun. It’s just sexy and romantic that he gave it to Porsche as a token, okay. It’s also the gun Porsche is using when he’s contemplating killing the man who he thinks killed his parents (which is an interesting meta that I am not doing, nope).  

5. Best Unhinged Moment - Pool pants y’all. In a show full of unhinged moments, this one is supreme for me. I still shudder thinking about it. 

Runner Up - Atticwife Nampheung (pictured hearing this plot point for the first time)

or Mouth Dildo?

I couldn’t decide. Both are unhinged in entirely different ways and are perfect examples of the tonal whiplash of that show(something I adore shrugs). 

6. Best Serious Performance in a comedic role -Jom. I side-eye the comic relief characters but KP was awesome with this? Like every character is heart-warming instead of annoying and still funny. I probably should have done an underrated character post for Jom tbh. I love him. I love the way he supports his friends, giving Porsche the money he won on the fight, staying up to the point of exhaustion helping Tem deal with his broken heart. For all his goofiness, he’s smart and observant and I still think he was deliberately fucking with Kinn, who even if he didn’t know he was Porsche’s boss, was clearly some rich guy out of his element and only there because he was crushing on Porsche. It’s a small role and it could have been just a throwaway part but it’s so much better than that because who he is says a lot about who Porsche is and shows why he became such good friends with the misfit gang. 

Runner Up -Yok. Definitely not an underrated character. I think we all know that Yok is the shit. But again, she’s not just funny and fabulous, she’s smart and she loves Porsche and rolls with all the weirdness he brings with him and gives him great advice and becomes a safe person for Tankhun. She turns what could have been a caricature into the only mature, caring, functional, non-evil “adult” character in the show. 

7. Best Product Placement - Peppermint Field Black Inhaler. I know it seems like the bread is a shoo-in here, but hear me out. Black Inhaler was willing to let their product be used during illegal underground fighting and public sex. The Bread is great but it can’t compare to that. 

Runner Up -Bread obvs

8. Best Facial Feature -Vegas’ smirk 

Runner Up(s) -Kinn’s eyebrows

Pete’s fake smile

Chay’s doe eyes

Kim’s killer glare/dead-eyed stare/flirty smize (the boy does a lot with his eyes)

9. Best Visual Joke - Kinn reading a coffee-table book about coffee while waiting on Porsche to bring him coffee. 

Runner Up-Pol whipping out a finger gun 

10. Best Use of A BL Trope -  Spongebath. Using this comedically as a deliberate seduction technique, basically acknowledging that it’s kind of ridiculous, works very well, letting Porsche’s goofball side and Kinn’s clueless side really shine. It also lets their uncontrolled horniness and Porsche’s ass shine -right in front of Pete’s salad eventually, but oh well. 

Runner Up(s) - Baby is a clumsy bunny(which I think is what @absolutebl calls it, I couldn’t find the exact post)  -the show uses Porsche’s literal tripping as a foreshadowing of his figurative trip up, showing that while he can talk the talk of a bodyguard i.e. ... wear the snazzy suit, he can’t yet walk the walk. He proves that by his behavior on his first bodyguard gig. 

Singing - Can I say that @AbsoluteBL’s hatred of this trope makes me giggle because my mother hates singing so much that I had to verbalize an SNL musical sketch to her instead of letting her watch it? Anyway, this one is pretty obvious, but still notable because they didn’t just let Jeff, Mile, and Barcode show off their pipes. They wove music in as a subplot that allowed it to stand as a character marker for not just Kim, but Chay and Kinn. I feel like “Between Us” scarred me for life with bad singing awkwardly shoved into the plot for no reason, so KP gets so much love from me for this. 

Bonus: Best Hype Man 

Seriously, this guy is more excited than Gun about this coup attempt. He has been waiting years for this. And now my head-canon is that he used to work for the main family and when he was injured in the line of duty, Korn tossed him out and Gun took him in for spite and he’s nurtured a seething hatred for Korn since then. 

Bonus: Sexiest Gesture - Kinn’s finger come hither. 

[jbuffyangel]

No Turning Back: Arrow 1x16 Review (Dead to Rights)

“Dead to Rights” otherwise known as the episode Tommy was right about everything. 

Let’s dig in…

Oliver and Tommy

A great deal of Season 1 is focused on Oliver’s relationship with his father Robert Queen.  The promise Oliver made his father is the force that drives his mission, but there is a flip to that coin. There is an adversary pushing back against Oliver’s mission with equal, if not more, force.

There is no saving Starling City if there is no one to save it from and this episode finally reveals the identity of that adversary. If Oliver had only listened to Tommy, or remotely paid attention to ANYTHING he said in this episode, then so much could have been different. I’m speaking with hindsight, given that this is a Season 1 rewatch, but I don’t believe the writers were trying to hide this point.

It’s Tommy’s birthday and his father Malcolm Merlyn crashes his party. He’s receiving a humanitarian award (HA!) and would like Tommy to attend. Things are pretty chilly with these two since Malcolm shut off the money faucet, but honestly it’s been a good for Tommy.

He’s realized he can stand on his own two feet which gives him the confidence to tell his father to go to hell. 

Malcolm takes narcissism to a new level to show up on Tommy’s birthday and make the event about HIM. It’s always about him, which is exactly what Tommy tells Oliver when they have lunch the next day. Oliver’s heart is in the right place. He encourages Tommy to give his dad another chance because Oliver knows what it’s like losing a father.

Oliver: My dad made mistakes. We haven’t talked about this, but I have a lot of anger towards him. But still I would give anything to have him back because at the end of the day your dad is your dad.

This is the first time Oliver has expressed anger towards Robert in anyway, so I want to be sure to note it and give him credit for naming the feeling & expressing it.

This speech also addresses the complexity of Robert’s death. If you’ve been wondering how can Oliver just pick up this enormous responsibility Robert dumped on him, which is essentially cleaning up HIS mess, and not feel resentful in anyway – then you can stop wondering.  He is resentful and angry as any human being would be.

Oliver can’t express that anger because Robert is dead.  His grief and overwhelming guilt overshadows his anger. This is why Oliver is encouraging Tommy to give his father another chance because he would give anything to have that opportunity with Robert.

But the thing is - Tommy also knows what it’s like to lose a parent. His mother died when he was just a little boy.  Oliver is literally preaching to the choir. Yes, his father is alive but appearances can be deceiving.  Merlyn disappeared for TWO YEARS after his mother died.  Malcolm may not have been physically absent when he returned, but he was emotionally absent.  Tommy is telling Oliver he felt abandoned by his father when he needed him most. He feels like an orphan. It was Oliver’s family that gave Tommy the love he needed.

I’m a little surprised Oliver doesn’t remember Malcolm disappearing for such a long time, but he was a little boy so I’ll give him a pass. What’s astounding to me is Oliver does not put these clues together.

Let’s run it down:

1. The List is comprised of one percenters destroying Starling City with their illegal activity. Malcolm Merlyn is one of Starling City’s wealthiest citizens.

2. He was a friend of the Queens.  Maybe not every rich person is on the List but his proximity to Robert means he deserves a hard look. He also floats in close proximity to Moira (another person Oliver stubbornly refuses to see any connection to the List even though SHE HAS HER OWN DAMN COPY).

3. Merlyn disappeared for TWO YEARS. Oliver came back a trained ninja/Russian spy with exceptional archery skills after five years. He doesn’t pause for even a second to wonder if Malcolm could have also acquired a similar skill set like, oh I don’t know, the DARK ARCHER!!!!

4. MOTIVE. Malcolm’s wife Rebecca was murdered. A super villain is always the dark reflection of the superhero. (Read a book Oliver). Robert’s death spurred Oliver’s mission to save the city. Maybe the Dark Archer’s mission to destroy the city is centered on a similar pain.

5. The Triad hired contract killer Floyd Lawton to kill Malcolm Merlyn. Why are world’s worst criminals trying to kill Tommy’s dad? These people typically don't associate with Disney princes.

6. Oliver has personal knowledge Malcolm Merlyn is a world class dick. 

Oliver can’t ask Felicity to find out where Merlyn went for those two years? You know who does finally ask? TOMMY. Swipe the passport Oliver. Look for a Nanda Parbat stamp. Mystery solved my dude.  This is like watching E.T. miss all the Reese’s Pieces. WHAT AN ENORMOUS OAK TREE!!!

Rather than read between any of these lines, Oliver pushes Tommy to make up with Satan.

Moira is intimately aware of how evil Malcolm is after he murdered one husband and kidnapped another, so she’s the one who wants him dead. She wisely puts a couple layers between Floyd Lawton and her – hence hiring the Triad to hire the assassin.

Unfortunately, Tommy listens to Oliver’s terrible advice and goes to the humanitarian event which throws a kink in Moira’s plan to kill Merlyn. She doesn’t want to kill Tommy’s only living parent in front of him, but that’s how the cookie crumbles kid. Moira is resolved. This is going down – Tommy or no Tommy.

Malcolm does give a damn about his son and breaks out his super ninja skills to save Tommy from Triad thugs. He shoots one in the head at point blank range, which makes a lasting impression on Tommy.

He leads Tommy to his safe room upstairs because he’s always prepared for anything.

Malcolm is just about to reveal the Dark Archer suit to his son, but the bullet proof windows get blown out by a rocket launcher of some kind? I’m not sure on the weaponry, but Lawton is always prepared too. Malcolm is wearing a bullet proof vest, but it doesn’t stop the bullet in his shoulder from poisoning him.

Source: @fogsblue

And guess who arrives just in time to help? UGH.

Source: @olliequeengifs

Oliver explains Malcolm needs a blood transfusion to survive. Tommy’s experiences with the Hood haven’t all been positive, so he is skeptical to say the least and keeps a gun on this loon. Oliver realizes the only way Tommy will listen is to take off the hood.

Source: @olliequeengifs

Tommy has a lot of WTF questions, but it all has to wait as Oliver prepares the blood transfusion.  DAMN IT OLIVER!!! JUST. LET. MACOLM. DIE.

Detective Lance questions Tommy about the vigilante’s identity, since he was saved AGAIN by the Hood, but Tommy answers honestly, “I don’t know who the hell he is.”

Even though Tommy feels betrayed by Oliver he is loyal and still loves him. So, he protects Oliver’s secret. In return, he wants Oliver to answer one question:

Source: @olivergifs

This answer endlessly fascinates me. Oliver will not tell his family, his girlfriend or his lifelong friends but trusts his most intimate secrets with two people he hasn’t known for more than a year. I think there are two main reasons.

He provided the first in Episode 5. Moira, Thea, L*urel and Tommy know who Oliver was before the island. If they truly knew who he is now, if they really see the rage and darkness he keeps simmering underneath that carefully crafted robotic surface, then they will know the full extent of his trauma. They will see him as broken, as less than. Maybe they will hate him like Oliver hates himself.

And Tommy’s reaction to Oliver’s secret identity is a confirmation of his worst fears.

The second reason is Oliver believes his mission will end, so there’s no need to tell anyone. He cannot see the full picture yet, but either Oliver will succeed in his mission or die trying. Given Oliver’s fatalistic outlook on life, the latter is the far likelier scenario he anticipates. In fact, he may believe the only way for his mission to succeed is to die. 

This is the moment it could have all been different.  Now the mission is on a collision course with the Merlyn family. If only Oliver put the clues together sooner, if only he didn’t reveal his identity to Tommy, if only he didn’t save Malcolm, if only, if only, if only…

But none of those things happened and now the consequences will play out. There's no turning back.

Merlance

This episode is the high point for L*urel and Tommy, so let’s just savor the moment.

L*urel throws Tommy a little birthday party and invites Oliver and McKenna over for dinner because everyone is so mature and the best of friends.

Tommy:  I have finally figured out why poets have been in business the last thousand years.

Oh my Merlance. Can’t we just stay this way? This is so close to an “I love you” but we’re still so very far away, which is really sad because Tommy and L*urel are happy and stable. They are opposites in almost every way, but that’s why they work.  We can see the humor, ease and joy in their relationship as Tommy is getting ready for his father’s award ceremony.

Source: @arrowsource

Small moments can mean just as much, if not more, than the big ones in a relationship. In the immortal words of Pacey Witter, “Oh I could do this. The salty and the sweet.”

I don’t doubt for one second that Tommy loves L*urel. The X factor is L*urel. It’s always been her. I believe she loves Tommy. I also believe she’s IN love with Tommy. I just don’t think L*urel knows that yet because she’s still hung up on all her Oliver crap.  The fact she doesn’t know really pisses me off because TOMMY MERLYN IS EVERYTHING.

Tommy knowing Oliver’s identity is obviously going to impact his relationship with L*urel; particularly since I’m sure he will remember discussing with Oliver her obsession with the Hood. AWKWARD. Oliver being a friggin superhero is also going to hit Tommy right in the gonads.

Tommy and L*urel are on a collision course with Oliver now that two thirds of this love triangle has the full truth between them. This collision was probably always going to happen. L*urel deserves the truth from Oliver too and if she finds out it will open a very big can of worms with Tommy.

But why should it? Oliver being a vigilante should not be the driving force for L*urel wanting to be with him. It does not change the fact that Oliver SLEPT WITH HER SISTER. I’m sorry, but there are just relationship deal breakers and that’s one of them. She can forgive him, but that doesn’t mean she has to BE with him.

Stray Thoughts

Felicity has adorable workout clothes. This is not a surprise. I also love that Diggle feels protecting Felicity means teaching her to protect herself. I love this friendship.

“I’m more of a runner.”  Stephen Amell pretending to be in terrible shape is hilarious.

Robert Queen was a pilot. So that’s how Oliver learned to fly.

Sara had a pet black canary. This show has the subtly of a jack hammer.

“Code breaker is my middle name. Actually it’s Meghan.” We were spoon-fed Felicity tidbits like this for a solid three seasons and each one left us craving for more.

Oliver fixed a radio in the flashbacks. It was riveting.

Listen to the @watchover-podcast reaction to 1x16!!!

If you’d like to support the blog, please buy me a cup of tea!

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me.

[kateknowsdramas]

Another thing I love about My Dearest...(spoilers obviously)

I just giffed the scene of Jang Hyun absolutely decimating Yeon Jun. I love this moment for multiple reasons. First, obviously Jang Hyun does it because YJ has ripped Gil Chae's heart out by basically admitting he likes her but that he's not going to choose her. Jang Hyun watches Gil Chae cry and he's pissed. I love that JH is so righteously angry at how YJ is treating both women.

But this scene shows how smart and calculating JH truly is. He's clocked YJ from the moment he saw him in the village - professing his love for the king and his noble ideas. YJ is all talk - he loves having people praise him and two women chase after him. Yet he has no idea about the true world and how it works. He comes from a village where the nobles are all talk and the older women 'teach' the younger women that if they even show skin to an invader, they should die. Not a super great way to help the younger generation grow up.

So JH sees all his nonsense yet steps in to save YJ's life during battle when the idiot CLOSES HIS EYES while fighting the enemy. He has no business being in a battle but he did it because he wanted to satisfy his own ego. While JH is on the verge of death after saving goodness knows how many people, YJ gets praised by the king and is bestowed his ministerial title. Lovely. The noble boy gets what he wants.

In episode 8, YJ and Eun Ae get their wedding and we think they're going to be happy. But nope...YJ screws it up because of his arrogance.

He confesses (while he thinks Eun Ae is asleep because coward) that he didn't go to save her during the war but he chose to go to the king because he thought it would bring him honor and make the elders of the village proud of the boy they raised.

And then what does this idiot do? He thinks he's being brave and noble and calls out the king in front of all the other ministers. And just like JH says, YJ can't determine friend from foe and, boy howdy, the king is so not his friend and basically punishes him for opening his dumb mouth and is going to send him to the enemy as an 'envoy'. Oh, that wasn't what YJ expected...and he tells the king no which is basically one of the top sins ever....oops!

His arrogance lands him in jail and his household stripped of their wealth and kicked out of their house. He truly can't take care of his family because he's so focused on himself and, in his naïveté, he believes that nobles are truly noble and the king is good guy #1.

This was a very long winded way to say that what I love that our writer has done is subvert the idea from episode 1 that JH is a selfish cad and YJ is a brave young noble. JH has demonstrated over and over that he's willing to do the dirty work to save people - and the king. He not only kills invaders, but he goes in as a spy to get info to his people. He also hauls ass to Gil Chae when he hears that she is in serious trouble.

YJ doesn't have the fortitude to stand up and take the consequences. He doesn't understand the rotten underbelly of society. JH's life was stripped away from him as a child - he's seen the true nature of the hierarchy in the country and knows what he needs to do to survive.

I'm sure this is a foreshadowing for either EA or Gil Chae to step in and get this bonehead rescued because there's no way he can do it himself.

[jewbeloved]

Hi I have to things to ask of you 1.the red panda ask is not working for some reason an I really want to read it because I love your work and 2. Do you think you can do a Encanto reader I would like Isabela powers please for Stan group with butters or Craig gang.

Ps your a great writer 😉

Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Tolkien, Jimmy, and Butters with a s/o who can make flowers grows like Isabella🌸💐🌺💖💖

My red panda post has been fixed, thank you for informing me.

Warnings: None

Gender: Neutral

💙 Craig Tucker 🐹

He low-key finds that special power ability of yours adorable.

He would probably melt if he found out you made a flower vase with the colors that matches his everyday outfit. Blue and Yellow.

Stripe also loves the flowers you make too! You and Craig would find she/he sleeping in a flower pile you left behind when you last used your power.

Cue you and Craig taking multiple pictures of Stripe sleeping in the flower pile📸📸📸📸

You would use your power to make flower crowns, necklaces, and wrist bands too! Craig would definitely wear it wherever he goes. He doesn't care if his friends tease him for it.

They wouldn't be teasing him if they had a s/o who had such a unique ability that can make pretty flowers. They're missing out, but Craig wouldn't tell them or anyone about your special ability.

Unless you're okay with it, your secrets are always safe with Craig. He can promise you that <3💙💙💙🌸🌸

💛 Tweek Tweak 🍪

Oh Jesus! this poor boy freaked out the first time you showed him your power. I mean can you blame him? It's not everyday you see someone randomly make flowers bloom outta nowhere!

Please reassure him that you're not a sorceress. (Tweek....why?😭)

He is okay with it, at least it's not something evil or else he's gonna freak out.

Flowers aren't evil right? well....some can be like the venus one. But it's okay! You wouldn't use your power to harm your boyfriend in any way!

Would be impressed if you made a flower bloom with coffee beans inside of it (not meth, just your regular coffee beans you would find on trees like the ones in Jamaica)

Author note: THEY TASTE GOOD! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU BOIL IT IN A POT AND IT BECOMES TEA!❤️❤️❤️

Okay sorry I didn't mean to bore you guys with that ;-;

Ehm, anyways.

If Tweek actually made coffee with the beans from the flower you bloomed, he would be amazed with how it tastes so much better then the meth his parents put in his coffee! He might get used to this.

Tweek is now interested in your ability, please show him what else you can do with those flowers of yours :3💛💛💛💛

❤️ Clyde Donovan 💧

You aren't gonna bloom onions, right?

"CLYDE! THERES NO SUCH THING AS ONION FLOWERS!!".

"WAAAH IM SORRY N/N!!"

Definitely loves your ability and the flowers you bloom. He secretly might use the flowers and mix them into perfume.

But you would know what scent is because you know all of the flowers that you bloom. He can't fool you can he?

Would cry if you make him accessories that are made from your flowers, it's not everyday he gets a gift from anyone.

He'll wear the flower accessory, but never in front of his friends. (HE HAS HIS REASONS OKAY?! LEAVE HIM ALONE😭😭😭 definitely not because he teased Craig and now he doesn't want to get teased himself).

Whenever he's crying (if he had a bad day or rough time) you would try your best to make him happy again by putting on a show for him like making your flowers move in a silly way to cheer him up.

But if he faked cried just to get to see your ability again if you weren't using it for a while...you'd turn your back and ignore him for a few hours. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

💜 Tolkien Black 💸 (Yes I figured I was pronouncing his name wrong this entire time 😭)

He found it strange how someone is capable of making flowers bloom randomly whenever they please, but who is he to judge you? Definitely Cartman would but Tolkien wouldn't allow him to do that.

As a matter of fact, how the hell did the fat ass find out about your ability? Did he spy on you and Tolkien? He better not say a word or you will barrage his mouth shut with flowers.

If you made a huge flower field in a secret place where nobody can find it. You and Tolkien would play around in it for hours as if you guys were swimming in a pool. <3

Flower dates if you made it possible!

His parents would be confused if they see a random flower on the wall in his room and he would make up an excuse like: "Sorry mom and dad, I thought it would be nice to pick out a flower and put it on my wall...". HE WOULD BE SHOCKED IF THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT RIDICULOUS LIE!!.

But that's fine, you both can play around with your flower ability in Cartman's treehouse without him knowing💜💜💜💜💜

💛 Jimmy Valmer 🍭

I think he just found a new muse for his silly jokes. Haha with that aside he really loves your ability as well! You make a lot of colorful flowers that some people probably can't resist.

Probably made a joke about steroids while mixing with it flowers. that was a one-time joke since he didn't know what other kind of joke to make with steroids.

You suspected he probably made that steroid joke because he was taking them again💀 so you decided to hide all of the steroids in flower piles so he couldn't go on steroids anymore! ☺️

But yeah, he loves your flowers and accessories you make with them to give to him! Probably brags to Timmy about it everytime you make something for him.

Would be surprised if you bloom a flower that squirts water out like those prank outfits with the flower on them💛💛💛💛💛

💛 Butters Scotch 🍓

"Oh my (Name)! that's a really mighty special thingy you have right there! can you show me more of it?".

Show. Butters. Right. Now.

He became addicted to seeing your ability. Let him see more beautiful flowers bloom! :D

Whenever he's grounded in his room and can't come out. You would sneak him out of the window

And take him to a special place that you created for you and him. He would be ecstatic to see a huge amount of flowers around everywhere! It makes him feel like he's living in a fantasy world where all of the flowers are huge!

He would store every accessories you make them for him in a vase where his parents won't find out about.

Thinking about it, this makes him want to get you a ring that has flowers on it for the day he wants to marry you when you both get older.💛💛💛💛

HELP I HAVE A NEW HYPER FIXATION! ❤️💛💙 (These 3 hearts should hint it 😌)

[ellena-asg]

I love Stakeout (5x17) episode. I really do. You know, all these McDanno moments like sharing food, talking, confessing, arguing and of course being husbands (oh, I love Ruth).

But my favourite moment is in the end. Danny giving Steve a guitar? Yeah, it's great too. But the best is just after that.

When Steve sees the guitar he... Ohh. He says "Danny, Danny, Danny...".

Yeah, sure. It can mean just "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you" or "Ayy, you're unbelievable, boy" or "Oh, you did it, for me" or "ehh, you didn't have to, you know? but aww thanks".

But I also hear there "I love you, I love you, I love you". I love the tone of Steve's voice in that moment. It's so full of love and friendship and devotion. It's so soft, so warm. And so damn romantic. Yeah, Steve sounds like a lover in a fever. Like a man just kissing his beloved one (and asking for more). I mean, it's so passionate that I can't 😍 And I love that he says Danny's name not one but three times! Danny, Danny, Danny. It's like emphasis. And like mantra. Like a desire to say lover's name over and over again. Steve tastes Danny's name. He loves it. He always loves to call him Danno, Dan, Daniel, sir Daniel, Danny... But this time he says "Danny" in a different way. Like "Romeo, oh, my Romeo" (or should I say: Petruchio? cause sometimes it's like The taming of the Shmuck SuperSeal 😆).

(Has he seen THAT movie? Has he seen 10 things I hate about you and the "guitar scene"? Does he dream about such events, I mean: lovebird 1 buys lover 2 a guitar and lover 2 kisses lovebird 1? Does he dream about kissing Danny? 😉 Oh, Stevie, Stevie, you could then just say "I... I'm really grateful, you know. I wanted to thank you in a... non-neanderthal animal way, I mean... I wanted to be a gentleman" 🤭).

I know that he has been in love with Danny since he met him in his own garage. And yup, it's not a first time when one is doing something sweet and adorable for the other. But in this episode they were SO close. One flat, one room, one couch. No Ohana around. No activities. No danger (like in that episode with them being under the ruined building). Only spying (doing their job) and talking. There was a) we are sitting in the silence or b) we are sitting and talking. And Danny loves talking so... 😉 They were so close physically and also mentally. They were so intimate while confessing things. And Danny was right when he said that thing about Steve. Cause, yeah, Steve sometimes thinks that they're from two different worlds (ah, so romantic 😉). But Danny is right: they are not that different. They share many things, many pains (like losing a brother; Freddie/Matt). They feel each other so well. They're soulmates. And in that episode Steve is like "oh". He knows that Danny's words are true. And he knows that Danny is the best thing in his whole life. He knows that he can always share his secrets with him. But this time he sees it so damn clearly.

So they are so sweet to each other. There is very romantic mood around. There is SOMETHING. They share and share: that couch, food, secrets, feelings, thoughts about each other. And it's all more and more romantic. And Steve is so openhearted, he talks about his old fears and trauma and about the shame. And Danny tries to heal him. They both try - yeah, they don't need that therapy but I think that was a good idea to make them so close again. To make them talk in that intimate way.

So, all is so romantic and in the end boom! Danny gives him that guitar, Danny shows him "I feel you so much, babe and I wanna make you happy and free from traumas". Danny is so cute. So gentle. So gentle that it could make Steve cry. I can imagine that Steve is screaming inside. And that there are butterflies in his stomach 😉 It looks like... something happened. Like... another "something" in their relationship. So romantic something that... Danny, Danny, Danny. Bravo, Williams. More moments like this and this poor boy will finally confess more and more. Will finally confess THAT feeling.

Wow. One damn guitar and we've got McGarrett Romantic Mode On. McGarrett shining like the Sun. McGarrett being so gentle, so much in awe and being... courted by Danny 😊 Oh. My. Poor. Heart.

Ok, confession. You know, I'm not a native English-speaker. And maybe when I hear a word X and think "gosh, it sounds just like word Y" well, I'm wrong. Maybe you would tell me "nah, Ell, no way, two different words, no way". Ok, ok, confession: You know what? When I was watching that episode for the first time, I didn't hear Steve's "Danny, Danny, Danny". What did I hear instead? "Honey, honey, honey" 😁 And I was like:

[istumpysk]

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

TWOW: Victarion I

My little airhead! ❤️

The Noble Lady was a tub of a ship, as fat and wallowing as the noble ladies of the green lands. Her holds were huge, and Victarion packed them with armed men. With her would sail the other, lesser prizes that the Iron Fleet had taken on its long voyage to Slaver's Bay, a lubberly assortment of cogs, great cogs, carracks, and trading galleys salted here and there with fishing boats. It was a fleet both fat and feeble, promising much in the way of wool and wines and other trade goods and little in the way of danger. Victarion gave the command of it to Wulf One-Ear. "The slavers may shiver when they spy your sails rising from the sea," he told him. "but once they see you plain they will laugh at their fears. Traders and fishers, that's all you are. Any man can see that. Let them get close as they like, but keep your men hidden belowdecks until you are ready. Then close, and board them.

Explain to me how somebody can be stupid when they're so clever in battle. Impossible!

Compare this to Barry's strategy: leaving the protection of the walls and running at them.

Barristan: 0

Vicky: 1

+.+.+

Free the slaves and feed the slavers to the sea, but take the ships. We will have need of every hull to carry us back home.

Victarion wants all the slaves freed, whereas Barry told his men spare them if you can. That's not good enough.

Barristan: 0

Vicky: 2

+.+.+

The warship and the cog parted ways. In the distance the rest of Victarion's famed fleet was raising sail. A ragged cheer went up from the crew of the Iron Victory, and was answered in kind by the men of the Noble Lady.

Nobody cheered for Barry.

Barristan: 0

Vicky: 3

+.+.+

Victarion had given Wulf his best fighters. He envied them. They would be the first to strike a blow, the first to see that look of fear in the foemen's eyes. 

Of course he did! A selfless king.

Meanwhile, Barry's monopolizing all the pit fighters, while simultaneously looking down on them.

Barristan: 0

Vicky: 4

It's a blowout.

+.+.+

All that was done and gone now, though. Victarion would have his due at last. I have the horn, and soon I will have the woman. A woman lovelier than the wife he made me kill.

I'm going to guess Victarion Greyjoy has narrow ideals when it comes to physical attractiveness.

Daenerys is currently emaciated, with minimal hair. I won't endorse whatever thoughts may cross his mind when he eventually sees her, but I can't promise I won't laugh.

+.+.+

Three of them, and strong ones. "Send them to my cabin. I'll want the priest as well." The oarsmen were all big. One was a boy, one a brute, one a bastard's bastard. The Boy had been rowing for less than a year, the Brute for twenty. They had names, but Victarion did not know them. One had come from Lamentation, one from Sparrow Hawk, one from Spider Kiss. He could not be expected to know the names of every thrall who had ever pulled an oar in the Iron Fleet.

Agreed! Ridiculous expectation. If they wanted to be known they should have considered being named Ralf.

+.+.+

Moqorro brought it forth, and the dusky woman lifted up a lantern to give them all a look. In the shifting lantern light the hell-horn seemed to writhe and turn in the priest’s hands like a serpent fighting to escape. 

See how quickly Vicky has Moqorro and the enslaved woman of colour cooperating?

Daenerys needs Vicky, like Jon needs Sansa.

+.+.+

"My brother found this thing on Valyria," Victarion told the thralls. "Think how big the dragon must've been to bear two of these upon his head. Bigger than Vhagar or Meraxes, bigger than Balerion the Black Dread." He took the horn from Moqorro and ran his palm along its curves. "At the Kingsmoot on Old Wyk one of Euron's mutes blew upon this horn. Some of you will remember. It was not a sound that any man who heard it will ever forget." "They say he died," the Boy said, "him who blew the horn." "Aye. The horn was smoking after. The mute had blisters on his lips, and the bird inked across his chest was bleeding. He died the next day. When they cut him open his lungs were black."

We have every reason to question whether Euron actually found this horn in Valyria.

A smile played across Euron's blue lips. "I am the storm, my lord. The first storm, and the last. I have taken the Silence on longer voyages than this, and ones far more hazardous. Have you forgotten? I have sailed the Smoking Sea and seen Valyria."

[...]

"Have you?" the Reader asked, so softly.

Euron's blue smile vanished. "Reader," he said into the quiet, "you would do well to keep your nose in your books." - The Reaver, AFFC

What I didn't notice until now is the striking similarities between the mute's death and when Melisandre killed that eagle.

The sound was shocking, ear-piercing, thick with agony. Varamyr fell, writhing, and the 'cat was screaming too . . . and high, high in the eastern sky, against the wall of cloud, Jon saw the eagle burning. For a heartbeat it flamed brighter than a star, wreathed in red and gold and orange, its wings beating wildly at the air as if it could fly from the pain. Higher it flew, and higher, and higher still. - Jon X, ASOS

x

His last death had been by fire. I burned. At first, in his confusion, he thought some archer on the Wall had pierced him with a flaming arrow… but the fire had been inside him, consuming him. And the pain… - Prologue, ADWD

vs.

All eyes turned toward the sound. It was one of Euron's mongrels winding the call, a monstrous man with a shaved head. Rings of gold and jade and jet glistened on his arms, and on his broad chest was tattooed some bird of prey, talons dripping blood.

[...]

It was a terrible sound, a wail of pain and fury that seemed to burn the ears. Aeron Damphair covered his, and prayed for the Drowned God to raise a mighty wave and smash the horn to silence, yet still the shriek went on and on. It is the horn of hell, he wanted to scream, though no man would have heard him. The cheeks of the tattooed man were so puffed out they looked about to burst, and the muscles in his chest twitched in a way that it made it seem as if the bird were about to rip free of his flesh and take wing. And now the glyphs were burning brightly, every line and letter shimmering with white fire. - The Drowned Man, AFFC

I don't know what this means.

Does the horn have something to do with R'hllor?

The sound it made … it burned, somehow. As if my bones were on fire, searing my flesh from within. - Victarion I, ADWD

x

"Here it says, 'No mortal man shall sound me and live.'" - Victarion I, ADWD

Looking back, this feels like R'hllor nonsense.

+.+.+

He brushed his hand across one of the red gold bands and the ancient glyph seemed to sing beneath his fingertips. For half a heartbeat he wanted nothing so much as to sound the horn himself.

Am I crazy, or does that read like the horn has a hypnotic grip on him?

+.+.+

Euron was a fool to give me this, it is a precious thing, and powerful. With this I'll win the Seastone Chair, and then the Iron Throne. With this I'll win the world.

Euron is a lot of things, but he's no fool.

He's never giving up the horn if it's in any way useful.

+.+.+

"Claggorn blew the horn thrice and died for it. He was as big as any of you, and strong as me. So strong that he could twist a man's head right off his shoulders with only his bare hands, and yet the horn killed him."

"Cragorn's died, you know."

"Who?"

"The man who blew my dragon horn. When the maester cut him open, his lungs were charred as black as soot." - The Reaver, AFFC

+.+.+

"It will kill us too, then," said the Boy. Victarion did not oft forgive a thrall for talking out of turn, but the Boy was young, no more than twenty, and soon to die besides. He let it pass.

Lol.

One day you will all come to realize Victarion is as entertaining as Cersei, and then you'll all owe me an apology.

+.+.+

"The mute sounded the horn three times. You three will sound it only once. Might be you'll die, might be you won't. All men die. The Iron Fleet is sailing into battle. Many on this very ship will be dead before the sun goes down – stabbed or slashed, gutted, drowned, burned alive – only the Gods know which of us will still be here come the morrow. Sound the horn and live and I'll make free men of you, one or two or all three. I'll give you wives, a bit of land, a ship to sail, thralls of your own. Men will know your names."

Does it actually need to be sounded three times? Is that written anywhere? Are we only doing that because Claggorn did?

+.+.+

"You will sail with me on Iron Victory," he told them, "but you will not join the battle. Boy, you're the youngest – you'll sound the horn first. When the time comes you will blow it long and loud. They say you are strong. Blow the horn until you are too weak to stand, until the last bit of breath has been squeezed from you, until your lungs are burning. Let the freedmen hear you in Meereen, the slavers in Yunkai, the ghosts in Astapor. Let the monkeys shit themselves at the sound when it rolls across the Isle of Cedars. Then pass the horn along to the next man. Do you hear me? Do you know what to do?"

As discussed in the previous chapter, without even factoring in how the dragons (or Victarion?) might react to it, there's a possibility this horn creates a lot of confusion and chaos.

"Listen for my horn," Ser Barristan told them. "If you hear the retreat, fall back. Our walls stand behind us, packed with Brazen Beasts. Our foes dare not come too close, or they will find themselves in crossbow range. If you hear the horn sound advance, advance at once. Make for my standard or the queen's." - Barristan I, TWOW

+.+.+

They left him one by one. The three thralls, and then Moqorro. Victarion would not let him take the hell-horn. "I will keep it here with me, until it is needed." "As you command. Would you have me bleed you?"

Looks like Vicky has gone ahead with horn blood magic.

"Your brother did not sound the horn himself. Nor must you." Moqorro pointed to the band of steel. "Here. 'Blood for fire, fire for blood.' Who blows the hellhorn matters not. The dragons will come to the horn's master. You must claim the horn. With blood." - Victarion I, ADWD

Do you see how he won't let Moqorro have the horn? Something weird is going on, I can feel it.

If he can bleed, does that confirm he's not dead/reanimated?

+.+.+

Victarion seized the dusky woman by the wrist and pulled her to him. "She will do it. Go pray to your red god. Light your fire, and tell me what you see." Moqorro's dark eyes seemed to shine. "I see dragons."

I see dead people.

Final thoughts:

That's not the end of the chapter.

(my phrasing) Thanks for clarifying, lol.

"My horn...dragons..." is giving this:

I fear my Vicky has done something terribly stupid.

It's okay, he'll be fine. Trust the process. Everything is going according to plan. Falling into molten rock with a ring, falling into the ocean with your brother ... same thing.

Next chapter: Tyrion I (summary #1, summary #2)

-> return to menu <-

[usergreenpixel]

JACOBIN FICTION CONVENTION MEETING 33: MADEMOISELLE REVOLUTION (2022)

1. The Introduction

Well, hello there, my dearest Citizens! Welcome back to Jacobin Fiction Convention! I missed you but, unfortunately, real life ™️ was a bit complicated yet again.

Either way, I’m back at it again, roasting analyzing historical fiction. Today’s “masterpiece” was graciously sent to me by @suburbanbeatnik in PDF form as a future review subject. And boy is it one hell of a ride.

Now, on paper, I was intrigued by a story of a Haitian biracial bisexual female protagonist, as there are many possibilities for that kind of story to unfold in a Frev setting.

Besides, it was written by an author who is promoting the #OwnVoices stories, which is a good intention in my opinion. Let’s see if the execution matches though.

(Spoiler alert: IT DOES NOT!)

Unfortunately, it looks like the book is only available in English at the moment and has to be purchased, mainly through Amazon. But maybe both of those things are for the best, since, upon finishing the book, I will be happy if it stays as contained and inaccessible to the wide audience as humanly possible.

Why? Well, more on that later.

This review will be longer than the ones I usually post, so please keep that in mind and grab some popcorn.

Also, it’s a very explicit book with scenes of sexual assault and gore. Goya’s “Disasters of War” and even “Innocent Rouge” levels of gore. So yeah, please be warned.

Anyway, this review is dedicated to @suburbanbeatnik , @jefflion , @lanterne , @on-holidays-by-mistake and @amypihcs . Love you, guys!

Now, let’s tear this sucker apart!!!

2. The Summary

The book follows the story of Sylvie de Rosiers, an aristocratic young woman born to a slave but raised by her plantation owner father as a free member of local nobility. Although not enslaved, Sylvie never felt truly accepted by the elites of Sainte Domingue.

However, following the outbreak of the Haitian Revolution, Sylvie and one of her half-brothers manage to escape to France, where another revolution is unfolding.

Intrigued by the ideas of Liberty, Equality and Fraternity, Sylvie must fight to find acceptance in this new context and carve out a place for herself.

Sounds interesting so far, right? Let’s see if the story lives up to expectations or not.

3. The Story

I have to admit that the first few chapters, the ones taking place on Haiti, were actually pretty good, or at least not bad. The pacing was good, the storyline building up to the uprising made sense and the introductions of the characters and the world building were fine.

Too bad that this lasted only for about four beginning chapters. The French chapters making up the bulk of the book were awful.

The characters suffer from assassination like they’re mafia snitches, the pacing turns into a speed run, the historical context isn’t explained well at all and the story rapidly stops making sense:

First Sylvie arrives and quickly meets Robespierre and the Duplay family, then becomes an ardent revolutionary, then flip flops between loving Eleonore Duplay and pining for Robespierre, then just so happens to meet Danton and Marat, then becomes a spy, then murders Marat… No, I’m not joking.

All of this is in the book with very little justification that makes sense. The worst part? The book isn’t stated as alternative history, so the author is very dishonest and presents everything in the book as actual history that is accurate to reality when it’s definitely not.

Oh, and flashbacks. The fucking flashbacks breaking immersion like a cat breaking a vase don’t help at all.

There’s also a ton of Thermidorian propaganda as well, so yeah… Fail.

4. The Original Characters

Let’s tackle the OCs first because the historical peeps deserve a separate category here.

First and foremost, I don’t like Sylvie as a character. She starts out as a vain spoiled brat growing up surrounded by privilege and luxury and openly looking down on slaves, especially on women.

Then she witnesses the execution of a rebel and very suddenly goes: “Fuck, slavery is awful!”, renounces her old ways, disowns her father and does a 180. It’s not written well though and is more like a teenage tantrum than character development.

Sylvie keeps flip flopping like this throughout the entire story too. Yay…

Oh, and she’s a Mary Sue. Everyone adores her except the villains, she’s able to charm her way through anything and obviously plays an important role in almost all of Frev! Robespierre even calls her The Mother of the Revolution at several points, even though she did nothing to earn that title.

She also pines for Robespierre for no reason at all, except for “he’s cool and charming I guess”, but in order to get closer to him, Sylvie Sue ™️ starts an intimate relationship with Eleonore Duplay.

So yeah, our protagonist manipulates another person (which is abuse) and plays Eleonore like a fiddle, but she also flip flops between only using Eleonore and actually loving her. Is Sylvie ever called out for that? Technically yes, but it gets resolved too quickly so it doesn’t count.

Also, Sylvie is INCREDIBLY selfish. She’s fine with manipulating Eleonore, fine with Charlotte Corday being executed for killing Marat (in the book Sylvie did it) and taking the blame… Again, everything revolves around Sylvie and she never gets called out on that either and never gets better.

She lacks consistent personality aside from those traits, however. She claims to want safety yet always takes the risky option and refuses to emigrate when it would help her obtain actual safety, for instance.

Gaspard, one of her half-brothers, is a much better character in my opinion, but still underdeveloped. But at least his journey from privileged fop to a revolutionary is less clunky. Too bad he dies with the Montagnards in the end.

Sylvie also has another half-brother, Edmond, who is cartoonishly evil and tries to murder Sylvie at one point.

Sylvie also has a standard issue evil stepmother who is eager to marry her off and thus get rid of her but at least has enough decency to not be actively malicious.

Her dad is loving, but painfully ignorant.

Sylvie’s aunt Euphemie de Rohmer is a good character, always looking out for Gaspard and Sylvie. She does emigrate to London during the reign of terror though.

Okay, now let’s discuss the historical figures.

5. The Historical Characters

I know that I usually don’t discuss accuracy, but an exception must be made here.

Maximilien Robespierre seems to undergo a typical “character arc” of “actual revolutionary turned ruthless dictator”. He is also one again coded as asexual and thus shown as not giving two shits about his lover, Eleonore Duplay. He tries to marry Sylvie for political reasons only later in the book and it’s all but stated that he condones all the violence going on and is called a hypocrite multiple times. Oh, and he also kisses Sylvie without her consent… Err… DID SIVAK CONFUSE HIM FOR DANTON?!!! Okay, one sec…

(Shows up with a bloody face) Okay, let’s continue…

Eleonore Duplay is a promising artist who is fiercely loyal to Robespierre but cheats on him with Sylvie and later turns out to be a member of a women’s secret society that is trying to curb the terror. She’s on board with murdering Marat and is also friends with Olympe de Gouges and Charlotte Corday. Wtf?!

(Checks that the antidepressants didn’t cause a hallucination)

Elisabeth Duplay falls in love with Gaspard and her marriage to Le Bas is portrayed as arranged by Robespierre to “reward” Le Bas for being a loyal Jacobin, but at least she is relatively happy in said marriage. Uhm, okay…

Olympe de Gouges and Charlotte Corday are portrayed as basically saints and also part of the secret society.

Corday in particular is willing to sacrifice herself for the sake of France and Sylvie is fine with that because, apparently, Corday has nothing to live for anyway but Sylvie does.

It’s not like in reality Corday actually had a family and Girondist friends or anything so yeah, TOTALLY OKAY to throw her under the bus amirite?!

Danton, luckily, is portrayed fairly accurately as a crass womanizing brute so at least that’s correct.

Marat is a stereotypical bloodthirsty monster who is supposed to be very smart yet acts like an idiot in the presence of our dear Sylvie Sue.

Charlotte Robespierre makes exactly one cameo and acts like a total ass to both Duplay sisters and to Sylvie (who she just met). Don’t get me wrong, Charlotte was at odds with the Duplay family but not all of them and certainly she wasn’t a bitch to every single fucking stranger.

Augustin Robespierre is merry, a gentleman, loyal to his ideas but also a part of that secret society and also supports the idea of offing Marat. Nice…

Surprisingly, Henriette Robespierre makes a cameo alongside Charlotte and also acts like an ass but at least less so than Charlotte. Except she shouldn’t even be in the book because the cameo happens in 1792, yet Henriette died in 1780. So it’s either a ghost or the author doesn’t care. I’m kind of inclined to believe the latter.

Where are Camille Desmoulins and Saint-Just, you may act? ABSENT, believe it or not! No, I’m not kidding! They’re nowhere to be seen for some reason!!! I have no idea why. They’re not even fucking mentioned!!!

Anyway, let’s move on before I lose my sanity.

6. The Setting

Again, the first chapters are much better than the rest. In the majority of the book the descriptions are not that great and the world building is laughably inaccurate, to the point that, if I were told that it’s a joke fanfic, I’d have believed it instantly!!!

7. The Writing

Thankfully, there’s no “First Person Present Tense” bullshit, but the writing is still full of problems. The aforementioned flashbacks are just one problem, but there are others.

For example, extremely clunky use of French. I’m the beginning of every chapter we get a date and the months are in French. This would’ve been fine but gets ridiculous in cases like “early avril 1793”. What’s wrong with writing “early APRIL”?!

Oh, and in another instance, the houses of families are called “Chez + Family name”, like Chez Rohmer and Chez Marat. It gets weird when the text has phrases like “went at Chez Marat”. Chez already means “at” in this context, so it’s extremely redundant and a damn eyesore. Wouldn’t it be better to say “Went to Marat’s apartment”? Apparently, not for Zoe Sivak!

Also, the author describes all the brutal and gory scenes of executions and torture at an alarming length and with a concerning amount of details, to the point that I got very uncomfortable despite not being squeamish most of the time.

8. The Conclusion

Phew, it’s finally over. As you may have guessed, I don’t recommend wasting your time and money on this pile of trash.

A 13-year old here on tumblr can write a better novel than whatever the fuck this author published.

It’s poorly researched with inaccuracies that even a quick Wikipedia search could fix, the protagonist is an awful Mary Sue, the historical characters get constantly fucked over… so yeah, please skip this shit.

Anyway, on that note, let’s conclude today’s meeting. I think I might need time to recover from reading this book…

Stay tuned for updates!

Love,

Citizen Green Pixel.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

10 comfort shows

I was tagged by @imlivingformyselfdontmindme for this thing. Thanks! The instructions are simple: "List 10 comfort shows and then tag 10 people." But I'm not a big tagger, and a lot of folks I know have done this already. If you haven't, though, and you're interested, please do!

The instructions said "10 comfort shows" not your favorite 10 comfort shows or the ones you watch the most often. So I made a list and I picked the ten that I immediately thought of something to say about. i'm all about comfort viewing and watching things repeatedly so I had to leave quite a few things off of this list.

Future Boy Conan

I've lost count of how many times I've seen this series. It really is one of the most life-affirming, wholesome (in the real way) pieces of media I've ever encountered. The first time I saw it, I went into it expecting to see a fairly run-of-the-mill anime series with some early glimmers of Miyazaki's aesthetic and themes. But it's a frickin' masterpiece. Themes and visual mannerisms you see throughout Miyazaki's career are already here, full-blown, but it's also distinct from his other work in a way that makes it feel really fresh even if you've gone through his whole movie oeuvre. Mostly it just always has its heart impeccably in the right place.

Pride and Prejudice (1995)

Don't talk to me about that movie. This is the adaptation against which all others must be measured. Faithful as heck to the book in most respects (we won't talk about Wet Darcy either), with an incredible cast, not to mention the costumes, set design, and locations. Watching this miniseries as a teenager could be the reason I'm still obsessed with shows and movies where half of the story is told through meaningful glances.

To My Star (1&2)

I really lucked out having this show as one of my first BLs, except that I nearly squandered the opportunity because I wasn't paying close attention and missed a lot of the subtle details. And this is a show that is full of really subtle details! Talk about telling a story through meaningful glances. There's a lot going on on a nonverbal level in this one. It helps that the leads have such a great, nuanced kind of chemistry together and both just seemed to show up for these roles ready to dig deep and be present. Thank goodness I went back and rewatched this one after that first attempt! I know for some folks the second season premise was really painful, but I found it to be completely worth it in the end. I'd happily watch a third season if they made one. In the meantime, I continue to rewatch both series (sometimes in movie form) regularly and I notice different things each time.

Spaced

This show was there for me at a time in my life when I needed comfort shows the most, when I was rebuilding my life after the abusive relationship that consumed most of my 20s. It's usually described in terms of the various pop culture references it uses, the movies the director and one of the co-writer/co-stars went on to make, or in some kind of generational terms as representing a demographic.

But I don't think those things are what make it interesting and rewarding. I guess the thing it boils down to at the end of the day is that it's very much a found family story. And an unconventional love story in which the two leads may or may not get together--after the series--but no matter what type of relationship theirs turns out to be, it will have changed them both for the better. In the meantime they’re facing their fears, honestly fixing their mistakes, and broadening their horizons, and they’re always lovable while being riddled with personal flaws.

Also, after having been raised on Coen Brothers movies and coming of age during the heyday of The Simpsons, I'm a sucker for a really quotable piece of media.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (1979)

When it comes to adaptations, I usually have a strong preference for one while writing off the others. In this case, there are things I appreciate about the Tomas Alfredson film that this adaptation doesn't do as well, but this version has a great deal to say for itself too. The adaptation really captures Le Carré's voice, the cast is incredible, and the whole miniseries just has this wonderful pervasive tone to it that's not like anything else. (The soundtrack is unobtrusive but very effective, and it has a lot to do with that.)

I don't know if it's the fact that this series came out when I was a toddler and has the look and feel of a lot of shows my parents would watch on PBS when I was a child (heck, I bet they watched this very show on PBS), but this suspenseful spy thriller makes me feel relaxed as hell. Having seen it a ton of times helps, too. There's never anything resembling a surprise. But even if this type of series doesn't feel like your childhood and even if you're going to be surprised right and left by the plot, I think it's an incredibly well-constructed piece of work that almost anyone could enjoy.

Emma (2009)

I'm very picky about my Austen adaptations. Emma has been adapted quite a bit, and I've found at least something to like about every version I've seen. But this is the best one by a good margin. I always love Romola Garai in anything, and she's lovely here--assertive, vulnerable, annoying when she should be and charming the rest of the time. She does a wonderful job portraying all of the subtle gradations of self-awareness that build in Emma throughout the story.

But I think the decisive factor has to be the screenplay and direction (not to mention other behind-the-scenes aspects). The folks behind this version just seem to have prioritized capturing the subtleties of the novel more than others. There are a few points where this is particularly apparent. One example is how this adaptation treats Frank Churchill. The 2009 version of Frank shows what a capricious, moody, immature person he is, but it also shows his good nature and the ways he tries to be open (in the novel, he attempts to tell Emma about his engagement to Jane Fairfax on multiple occasions and mistakenly believes she understands him). Hewing to the novel makes for a more complex, engaging character than the two-dimensional cad most other adaptations make out of Frank. The portrayal of the Box Hill incident is another example. This version of Emma has the most uncomfortable, unsparing rendering of Emma's insulting comment to Miss Bates that I've seen, but it also tempts us to laugh along with Emma. The scene in the novel is exactly the same way--it's complicated and makes us acknowledge our ambivalence. This adaptation keeps all of these strands alive in the story and the miniseries is better for it.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

It's weird looking back now on how BtVS seemed back when it was new. Our standards were different for a reason. TV really wasn't as interesting or as progressive as it is now, and the range of both was narrower. Having a cishet white dude showrunner who would willingly utter the word "feminism" seemed like a remarkable piece of good fortune. And of course, we didn't know what was going on behind the scenes.

I imprinted on this show like a baby chick back then. It's not really possible for me to be objective about it. If I think it's good, how much of that is its actual quality and how much is the fact that it seemed like such a gift back then compared to what we were all used to? Well, some of it at least was actual quality, but I can't tell how much. So this show is special to me partly because it's grandfathered in due to circumstances and partly because it's actually good.

I remember when it seemed wild to me that there were people who could talk about  a TV show and discuss episodes by title. BtVS was the first show I did that with myself. Eventually, it didn't seem that remarkable. Basically, this was the show that made me into a fan.

This is another show that was there for me after my abusive relationship ended. I remember at times when I was lonely (which happened a lot; not only was I newly single, I also had to start almost entirely from scratch when it came to friendships) I would look at my little dvd binder thingy with my pile of Buffy discs and tell myself, "If all else fails, I have all these shows to watch until things improve."

She-Ra

There’s that found family theme again! How could you go wrong with a story that starts with foundlings raised by a witch and a clone soldier to fight in their evil army, then follows them as they slowly get their consciousnesses raised and find their own identities and meaningful connections? It's a remarkably subversive and deeply queer show. We were in a miniature golden age for high-quality, politically progressive, LGBTQ+ friendly American animated series for a while there, and this show was not only a part of it but a particular highlight. It's been tapering off for a while now and it's sad to see it come to an end, but at least we got shows like this one and we can keep watching them and introducing people to them.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

I don’t know why a series that’s so steeped in existential dread feels so cozy to me, but it does. Well, I guess it’s because the show is about finding your people, your coping strategies, and the unapologetically weird little hobbies that will help you to muddle through war, loss, spiritual crises, and the challenges of long-term love.

That, and it reminds me of my mom.

A lot of ink has been spilled over this series so I won't try to explain beyond that why it's so special. But I will say that it is absolutely the best Star Trek series. It's unpopular with a certain type of fan, but those philistines dislike it for exactly the same qualities that make it so great.

Kikai Sentai Zenkaiger

I'm indecisive and bad at picking favorites, so I'm not sure what I'd consider my favorite tokusatsu series or even just my favorite sentai series. Zenkaiger would rank pretty high up there in both at the very least. But this is a list of comfort shows, not favorite shows or the best shows, and that's a category in which Zenkaiger is completely unbeatable. It's hopeful, funny, idealistic, and more than anything, definitely the sweetest toku show I've ever seen. It's also easy to pick a random episode and watch it out of context because of the villain-of-the-week thing (not that the larger-scale arc of the series wasn't also compelling).

This is yet another found family show. Families of origin are still very important in the series. The central characters are all trying to find, help, or learn about one or more of their family members. But it's also about blending your found family and your family of origin into a group so inclusive that it includes aliens and robots.

I'm only picking one gif for each show on this list except for this one. I couldn't pass up having one for Kaito, one for Stacy, and one for Zox.

(Edited to add: I switched out the three gifs here for a single replacement because I realized two of the ones I originally used were made by someone who requests that others not repost them.)

[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 1: "Big Time Audition" PART 1

Well, here we go! I'm super excited to be revisiting this show after so many years. I was so deep in the fandom back when the show was on, but it feels like going into it with a blank slate at this point. I have no idea what the fandom is like anymore and also forgot so many of the episodes. Ugh, I wish I could remember what my BTR blog from like 2011 used to be called (and if it even still exists; I might have deleted it). It'd be so cool to take a look at it.

I'm gonna try to just jump right in here. A few things first: I'll be pausing the episodes perodically as I watch in order to write up my posts on here, so it'll be a very "real-time" depiction of my experience, lol. Posts will also always be put under a "read more" on account of length.

Y'all the smile on my face at just the beginning few seconds of the episode. It brings me right back to 2009, watching the premiere with my sister. And I love how there's really no time wasted in making it loud and clear what each of the boys' roles are in the group and what their personalities are like.

Kendall's first line is literally a little motivational pep talk. He's trying to motivate them to do something that's going to get them into trouble, but still...it's in character. (btw, I will absolutely be focusing in on Kendall's character development—and my criticisms of it—as I move through the series)

Anyway, continuing on down the line: Logan counters Kendall's words with math, thus promptly labeling him as The Nerd of the group. Carlos jumps at the chance to cause some chaos (very Carlos. he was my favorite, btw) and James is just not paying attention to any of it. He's just standing there preening.

James is another one who changes a good deal from this first episode, I think. I mean, if I'm remembering correctly, he stays sort of self-absorbed and concerned with his looks, but not quite to THIS degree.

Also, the guys all work well together and fit, but I can't help but wonder how this group came together. It's such an oddball mixture of extreme personalities that you'd be hard-pressed to find in real life. In fact, if it were real life, they probably wouldn't be able to tolerate each other at all, let alone be friends. But that's the beauty of the show.

They do all eventually help Carlos turn the sprinklers on.

Troublemakers. Oh! And I spy plaid on Kendall. He wears plaid in like every episode, doesn't he? I remember that being a thing.

Logan's hair looks very dark. Was it dyed for this episode? I don't remember it being that dark.

I'm only ONE MINUTE into this episode. Yikes; these are going to be long posts, aren't they?

Yes, Carlos gives James the helmet right before they get pummeled by the mob of angry girls! Kendall knows James has to protect his face! Just a little over a minute in, and we have a leader of the group firmly established.

GUSTAVO AND KELLY!!!

I love him.

Meanwhile, the guys are nursing their injuries back at Kendall's house. It's so funny to me the way that Kendall seems to have the rest of them (mainly Carlos?) "trained" in a way? He tells Carlos to give James the helmet, and Carlos does do without hesitation. Then, when James starts dancing on the couch, all he has to do is say Carlos's name, and Carlos tackles James to the floor.

But when you've got a group of buddies like that, someone has to step up and take the reins, and that someone is Kendall Knight.

Look at these goofballs smiling as Carlos and James beat each other up.

The FLIP PHONES

Amazing. This show already kind of feels like a fun little time capsule.

I'd be remiss to not talk about this specific moment (when James and Carlos are throwing hands again) that I recall the fandom latching onto back in the day. As things start spiraling and glass starts flying, Logan simply calls Kendall's name, and Kendall immediately runs to Logan's side.

This is the point in which I probably start overanalyzing, but. Well, that's half the fun of this project, isn't it?

It speaks volumes about who Kendall is, what his role is in the group, and how the other three (especially Logan) look at him. Things are getting out of hand, and Logan is overwhelmed. So what does he do? Simply call for Kendall to take control and fix it. Because that's who Kendall is, right? He's Mr. Hold Everyone Together, Fix Everything All the Time, Carry the World on His Shoulders Guy.

I'll be delving more in that in future posts, I'm sure. Many thoughts.

Also, can we talk about how James and Carlos are just. Destroying Mrs. Knight's home?? Throwing things and about to hit each other with a lamp and a...whisk?? Is that what Carlos has? As a kid, I was like, "ahahaha, funny," but now I'm like, "I hope Mama Knight made those boys pay for every item they ever broke while in her house."

I was originally going to break this up into just 2 parts, but it's already pretty long, and I don't even know if anyone will read it, so I'm going to wrap it up right here for now. I'm sure once I get into the actual series, the posts will be shorter, but there's a lot of ground being laid in this episode, and I'm also still finding my footing on this blog.

Thanks to anyone who checks this out!

[srgntjamesbuckybarnes]

Truth or Dare (1)

Summary: What started off as an innocent game of truth or dare between two noble born sisters, Y/N and Margaret “Peggy” Carter, quickly turns south when Y/N meets Steve Rogers and James “Bucky” Barnes. 10 years later Peggy is getting married reuniting the bunch, tensions rise as the sisters engage in truth or dare one more time before Peggy is married.

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Violence

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: Not Beta'd

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1

1810

Truth or dare? A children’s game designed to get children to embarrass each other, teenagers to compete and act promiscuous, and adults to reveal secrets and set each other up. A simple game with life-altering consequences, if you are caught. It was a game between two sisters, Y/N and Margaret “Peggy” Carter; had they been lower or even middle class no one would have batted an eye.

The sun beat down on the novel between Y/N’s slim fingers, the light reflecting off of the page momentarily blinding her. The house was busy today. Her mother’s sister was visiting which meant everything had to be perfect. Her aunt was a snob constantly criticizing her mother’s every decision. To avoid the chaos, Y/N headed out to the freshly cut grass field to catch up on her growing list of books to be read.

Her younger sister, Margaret, had a similar idea. While Y/N fought a losing battle with the sun trying to read, Margaret had been outside spying on the help. The young maids were in a frenzy working for the matriarch of the house, Amanda Carter. They had busied themselves folding laundry near an open window to enjoy some sort of ventilation, much to Peggy’s delight. She settled on the other side of the window with her back against the wall out of eyesight from the maids. If there was one thing the maids loved to do, it was gossip. They knew everything going on in London and so did Peggy.

“Y/N!” The 13-year-old Carter shouted. Her legs carried her to the middle of the open field in seconds. Peggy had always been so fast and stealthy that Y/N may have been envious had she needed the skills herself.

With a hand raised to her forehead, shielding her eyes from the light Y/N took in Margaret’s disheveled appearance. The younger Carter’s dress had wrinkled from sneaking around the house and her hair was wild from running. Her hands rested on her knees as she panted.

“You know mother will have a fit when she sees you.”

Peggy rolled her eyes, her hands flying up to pat her hair down. “Mother will be too busy to notice.” The younger Carter then plopped down next to her older sister. “You’ll never guess what I heard.”

Y/N smirked, closing the book in her lap.

“Truth or dare?” Peggy bounced with a big grin on her face.

Y/N narrowed her eyes in her sister’s direction. It was indeed Y/N’s turn to answer the dreadful question, but she didn’t know when Peggy would ask the question. Having studied the excitement in Peggy’s eyes, she remembered the younger sister had chosen dare last time and the older sister refused to be outdone. She just hoped her sister’s excitement was from good news and not something awful.

“Dare.”

Clapping her hands Peggy squealed, “I was hoping you’d say that!” Y/N frowned. “The maids mentioned a party not too far from here. Apparently, there will be plenty of boys from the town.” Peggy wiggled her eyebrows.

“Okay?” Y/N raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t unusual for the help to venture into town during their free time. She’d like to say she had heard the rumors of what went on at those parties, but the maids weren’t exactly her friends.

With a deep breath, Peggy replied, “I dare you to go to the party and kiss a boy.”

Y/N gasped. She hadn’t kissed a boy before and let alone one of a lower class. Not that she had anything against the lower class, she just never had a chance to interact with them. Her parents kept to their circle of friends, the wealthy, people with titles. She always imagined her first kiss would mean something, that it would be with a boy she had feelings for. She never imagined her first kiss would be stolen by a game.

“Well?” Peggy pressed, hoping for more of a reaction.

Y/N blinked. “I-I would have to sneak out. I would need a disguise.” It was the only thing she could think of. Her parents would never let her attend a party in town and she couldn’t risk being noticed by someone in town. They could report her back to her parents.

“Good thing it is wash day,” Peggy smirked.

Y/N mumbled under her breath as she neared the party. She wasn’t sure if anyone would be wearing a hat, but she had worn one to conceal her identity a bit more. While the party started before sundown, she had waited until everyone, except Peggy, was asleep to sneak out. Peggy was Y/N’s cover in the event that her parents were looking for her. Since she was supposed to be asleep, she didn’t have anyone to style her hair. The hat kept slipping, not made to be worn with her hair down. Having almost tripped as the hat slipped once again, Y/N yanked the hat off, tossing it behind her. She’d grab it on the way back.

The red glow could be seen coming from the lanterns down below. Loud laughter and chatter drowned out the music reminding her of the parties her parents would have while she and Peggy listened from the top of the steps.

The closer she got, the more her nerves picked up. She was 16 and had never been kissed. What if she did it wrong? Is there a way to do it wrong? What if no one wanted to kiss her? How would she even know if they wanted to kiss her? How would she ask? A million questions swirled around her mind. She hadn’t realized she was there until she was almost trampled on by a girl about her age, in far less clothing, running past her. A tall boy was hot on the girl’s heels as he nearly knocked Y/N over.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

The music pierced her ears, and the loud steady beat of the drum left her in a trance. The melody was almost ritualistic, and she felt like a lamb about to be slaughtered. A bunch of people danced around, some barefoot while others had stripped down to their undergarments. Y/N felt overdressed but she had never worn fewer layers in public before.

“You’re new here.”

The voice startled Y/N. She clutched her stomach turning to the stranger beside her. A pale girl with dirty blonde hair. The Carter girl hadn’t recognized her as one of her maids, but she remained tense. Was it that noticeable that she was new?

When Y/N didn’t respond, the blonde did. “You’re wearing too much. Most people arrived hours ago.” “I’m sorry. Do I know you?”

The blonde chuckled. “Not at all. I’m Hannah.”

Y/N nodded, hesitating for a moment before introducing herself. It’s not like Hannah gave out her last name so Y/N didn’t either.

“Fancy a game, Y/N?”

Y/N perked up at that. She was good at games, she played with Peggy all the time.

Slinging her arm over Y/N’s shoulder she guided her towards a round table with a few people playing cards. Y/N’s eyes widened as she neared the table. Across from two thoroughly clothed men sat two nearly naked women. The lanterns provided a soft glow illuminating the women’s figures beneath their off-white chemise.

“Ever play strip poker?”

“Wait.” Y/N tried to dig her feet into the gravel, but Hannah pulled her along.

“Relax.” Hannah wrinkled her nose. “You’re wearing a lot of layers, that's a lot of chances. You’ll be fine.”

She should’ve never listened to her younger sister. It was a foolish dare. There was a reason her parents never ventured out this way.

“Besides, you could stand to lose a few layers around here,” Hannah added.

Hannah was right. Y/N was wearing too much to fit in. If losing clothing was the price of admission, Y/N wasn’t sure she wanted to fit in. She just needed to kiss a boy and get out but what chance would she have if she appeared as an outsider?

“Fresh meat?”

Y/N felt Hannah squeeze her shoulder as they came to a stop at the wooden table. While the man spoke to Hannah, she could feel his eyes scanning her from head to toe. For a second, she thought he might recognize her and tensed. Hannah nodded pushing Y/N closer to the table.

“Hannah, leave the poor girl alone.” This time the blonde man spoke up. He was short and feeble looking, especially with the tall Adonis of a man sitting beside him.

With a roll of her eyes, Hannah replied, “I’m just trying to help her. She sticks out like a sore thumb.”

The two women sitting beside the men nodded in agreement. Y/N felt insecure under their judging eyes. Here she was standing in front of two males while the women mocked her. Her determination cast her fear aside for the moment. She was determined to prove them all wrong. There were two men here, she only had to last long enough to kiss one of them. Then she’d happily be back on her way home, far away from here.

The brunette raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever played before?” His voice was smooth like whiskey. It seemed to match everything else about him. Y/N could listen to his voice all day, she would love to hear him read one of her books out loud.

After a brief moment of hesitation, she responded, “No.”

He hummed, peaking at the two women across from him. Y/N followed his eyes as if his gaze was a silent warning, a hint at her possible future. He was offering her a chance to turn away.

“Do you want to play?” The blonde man asked.

Hannah slithered to stand behind the men, her hand resting on the brunette’s shoulder. “Bucky is quite good.”

Y/N’s eyes flickered between the men’s and women’s apparel. Unlike the rest of the crowd, the men were fully clothed, unlike Y/N, they wore fewer layers. Just how many layers were the other guests wearing before playing with Bucky and his friend?

“Did you beat everyone here?” Y/N gestured to the poorly clothed guests.

The blonde man snorted. His friend was a charmer, but he wasn’t that good. The two women followed suit resorting to a fit of giggles. Hannah cackled. Bucky didn’t laugh though. Instead, he cocked his head, licked his lips, and sent Y/N a smirk. Her cheeks flushed. The last thing she wanted was for them to alienate her.

Bucky took pity on her and shook his head. “Of course not. We all have bad luck some days.”

Maybe it was the truth, or perhaps a scheme to twist the truth and lure her in like a fly caught in a spider’s web. Either way, the results were meant to have the same effect. She felt more assured. Y/N clicked her tongue staring down at Bucky from her nose. “Well, it's a good thing I’ve never played then.” The brunette’s eyebrows furrowed. “Beginner’s luck.” Y/N winked. A grin broke out on Bucky’s face. “I’ll play.”

Steve nodded, motioning to the rickety chair across from them. The two unidentified women scrambled out of their chairs sending the men flirty remarks before vanishing into the crowd.

“On one condition.” Y/N began, halting the men’s movements. “If I win, I get whatever I want.” It was vague and there was a huge chance she wouldn’t win but she wasn’t about to tell them she wanted a kiss. She would save it for after she won when she had enough confidence.

“Oh,” Bucky narrowed his eyes. “What do you want?”

She could sense he didn’t trust her from the look he gave her. Despite their casual actions, Y/N refused the urge to shrug her shoulders. Her mother’s voice reprimanding her to use her words rang loud and clear. “I haven’t decided yet,” she lied.

Sharing a look with his friend, Bucky leaned forward. “And what do we get if we win?” Before Y/N could answer, Bucky continued, “It only seems fair we get the same deal. Anything we want.” Y/N sucked in a sharp breath. Maybe she should’ve been more specific. If only Margaret knew what she had gotten Y/N into. “Especially considering you do have beginner's luck.”

“Deal.” Y/N immediately felt like kicking herself for her quick response. They had experience which trumps beginner’s luck but the quicker she played, the quicker she could kiss one of them and be on her way.

Hannah placed a hand on Y/N’s shoulder guiding her towards the chair. Her confidence began to deplete now that she was at eye level with the men rather than standing above them. She felt like she had lost a bit of the control she had over the situation, but Hannah reassured her sitting in the chair beside her.

“What are you doing?” Y/N probed.

The corners of Hannah’s lips twitched upwards. “Well, I wasn’t going to let you play alone. Someone has to teach you the rules.”

The game escalated fairly quickly. Y/N was always a quick learner, and her competitive nature only amplified her confidence. She was thankful she had more layers on. Hannah had already started the game in her chemise, so Y/N took the brute force for their team to spare her modesty.

The playful banter and flirty remarks had Y/N grinning from ear to ear. Maybe her parents had been wrong about the civilians. She couldn’t remember giggling so much. Y/N didn’t miss the way their eyes watched her every move with each article of clothing she removed. When the men started to shed their clothes, Y/N avoided staring. Hannah ogled the men insisting Y/N look them in the eyes to be able to call their bluff.

Y/N had learned Bucky’s blonde friend’s name was Steve. She noticed the competitiveness oozing off of him in waves. He had a cute face but dreaded taking off his shirt, embarrassed by his small frame. Bucky was a different story. He remained calm, leaning forwards when his shirt came off and flexing a bit to preoccupy the women. It worked. Y/N now stripped down to her chemise alongside Hannah.

Drunk on the highs of the game, Y/N sprawled back in her chair giggling once again. Bucky couldn’t help but stare at her in awe. The light from the lanterns cast a warm glow on her already flushed skin. Her hair was wild from pulling layers over her head and the dopey grin had bewitched him. Bucky had seen plenty of women dressed like this, but none had stunned him the way she had.

 “Where did you say you were from again?” Bucky’s blue orbs danced between both women’s chemises. One a bit see-through, dingy, and plain. The other was made of a thicker material, pure white, and had intricate patterns embroidered along the bosom.

“I didn’t,” Y/N replied coyly.

A hand ran along her sleeve. “This is beautiful Y/N. Did you steal this?” Hannah asked in a hushed whisper.

It was then Y/N realized her mistake in joining the game. She hadn’t expected anyone to see her undergarments, so she wrote her own under the maid’s dress. A chemise made for nobility. Panic rose inside of her. It was either tell the truth and blow her cover or lie and let them think she was a thief.

“Not all of us are thieves, Hannah.” Steve interrupted hotly.

Maybe there was a third option? A happy middle ground.

“It was a gift,” Y/N settled on. It was the truth.

Breaking the tension, Bucky cleared his throat. “This is the last round. Winner takes it all.”

Hannah gave Bucky a pointed look. “Not fair Bucky. You each have two layers left.” Her hand gestured to each of the men’s trousers.

“There’s nothing under there, sweetheart.” Bucky sent Hannah a cheeky wink.

Y/N’s heart raced as she stared at her hand. She turned them out as she tried to make sense of her cards. She had to make the right call to win. Steve folded after Hannah laid her straight on the table. She could feel Bucky’s heated gaze on her trying to read her face, but the truth was, she didn’t know what she was looking at.

“Four of a kind,” Bucky boasted as he sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his bare chest. Steve patted Bucky on the back congratulating him. Hannah slumped in her chair awaiting the inevitable.

“RAID!” Someone yelled from the crowd.

Chaos erupted as everyone ran in different directions. Y/N remained glued to her seat, frozen in shock. While everyone else ran home, her way home was blocked by the men coming in on horses, the king’s men. She didn’t know her way around here, she had nowhere to go. Running would brand her an enemy of the king.

A hand tugged her own pulling her to stand. Her clothes were thrown in her arms as people pushed past her.

“Come on,” Steve yelled, dragging her by the hand further into the town. What had quickly become one of the best nights of Y/N’s life, hanging out with people her age for once, had swiftly become one of the most terrifying moments of her life. “In here,” Steve ushered her into what appeared to be a run-down barn.

Steve followed her into the barn peeking between the gap in the doors. He didn’t know where Bucky and Hannah had fled, but he hoped they were somewhere safe.

“Is this your barn?” Y/N whispered.

Steve looked back over his shoulder at the girl still holding her clothes in her arms. It reminded him that in his haste to escape, he hadn’t put his own shirt on yet. Steve shook his head turning back to look out of the barn keeping an eye open for Bucky and Hannah as well as the king's guards. “You should get dressed.”

Wings flapped and hooves clicked as the animals panicked sensing danger nearby. Steve shushed the animals, but they only began to cluck and neigh. They were drawing too much attention.

Y/N dropped her clothes, her palms covering her face in an attempt to tune everything out. She couldn’t help but feel like she shouldn’t have left her bedroom tonight. She was trapped all because of some stupid dare, she wouldn’t get to finish. Not only would the night be ruined, but her sister would also win the game. Sliding her hands down her face, her eyes opened locking on Steve’s back. Maybe the night wasn’t ruined? She could still win the game; she could complete her dare.

High on adrenaline, Y/N marched towards the blonde. She tugged on his shoulder to spin him around before slamming her lips on his. She felt him gasp against her lips. A gasp of her own escaped as the barn doors slammed open. The two teens jumped apart, wide-eyed.

“It’s just a couple of kids making out.” The voice dismissed the pair.

Another set of footsteps approached. For a long moment, the only thing that could be heard was the animals in the barn. Then the footsteps grew more piercing stopping directly in front of Steve. His head remained staring at his bare feet, refusing to meet the guard’s eye. A colossal, gloved hand grasped the back of Steve’s blonde hair wrenching his head back. Steve yelped but didn’t say anything. Y/N stood wide-eyed in horror. Steve remained unbothered, almost as if this wasn’t the first time this had happened.

“Steve Rogers,” the guard hissed. “Where is he?”

Steve glared back at the huge man. Y/N wondered if they had met before or if maybe this man knows everyone as the king’s guard. When Steve remained silent, the guard tugged his blonde locks harsher.

“I don’t know,” Steve gritted out.

The first guard who had entered drew his sword. He was slightly shorter than the guard holding Steve, but it was hard to tell all of the guards apart in their uniforms.

“Don’t lie to me boy,” the guard spat. The muscles in Steve’s face twitched as tiny drops of saliva rained down upon his face.

“Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you.”

After a moment of searching Steve’s face for any sign he would cave, the guard shoved him to the ground covered in straw. “Very well then.” With a flick of his wrist, the other guard loomed over Steve holding his sword above his head.

Y/N paled. Her hands ran through her locks clutching the roots. How had everything turned this bad? Steve braced himself for the impact lying on his side on the ground. The straw poked him in the arm and ribs, the friction rubbed his skin raw. She didn’t know Steve, but she knew he didn’t deserve this, no one did. She didn’t know who the guards were searching for but Steve’s willingness to protect the person inspired her.

Steve’s eyes met hers, briefly taking his eyes off of the sword, opting to spend his last moments alive the way he wanted to. Doing what he had done all night with his best friend, staring at a pretty girl that gave them the time of day. A girl that caught him off guard and kissed him despite his frail appearance.

The moment their eyes met; she made a choice. Life or death? With the way the night was going, perhaps they would both be doomed but she had to try. Sprinting across the barn, Y/N shielded Steve with her own body.

“Stop! He doesn’t know anything.” 

The guard held his leather-gloved hand in the air halting the other man’s movements. “State your evidence.”

Steve gripped her wrist, a silent plea to stop. Instead, she intertwined their hands, hanging her head in shame. “He was here with me all night. We had just finished before you came in.”

She could feel the guard’s heated gaze. Steve had been a thorn in the guard’s side for years. He wouldn’t trust Steve alone. The guard clicked his tongue while he examined the clothes bestrewn across the barn floor. Tongue in cheek, he let his eyes drift back to the pair below him. Y/N’s snow-white chemise suddenly stood out in the dirty barn.

“What’s your name girl?”

“Y/N,” she whispered.

Black leather gloves pinched her chin, lifting her head. His eyebrows skyrocketed. “Lady Carter.” His eyes drifted behind her in disgust. “You’re out here slumming it with this filth?” Y/N turned her head, breaking his grasp on her. She couldn’t meet his eye, the judgment clear in his voice. She also couldn’t meet Steve’s eye. She didn’t want to see his reaction to her identity, but they needed each other if they were going to get out of here alive.

She could hear the rustling of clothes but kept her eyes trained on the ground. A piece of fabric landed on the ground in her eyesight. It was her hat. The guard stepped forward, a leather boot coming down on the pair's intertwined fingers. Y/N yelped while Steve grunted, their bones grinding together beneath the weight of the boot. “What will daddy think when he learns that his daughter is a whore?” The guard mocked.

A single tear slipped down Y/N’s face, landing on the guard’s boot. As if being nearly naked in front of the king’s guards wasn’t uncomfortable enough.

“Whatever this is, it’s over.” The guard snatched Y/N’s bicep pushing her towards the guard with the sword. Steve sat up to protest but the guard was quicker, unsheathing his own sword on his hip. The blade pointed at Steve’s jugular, just below his jaw. When Steve inched forward, the guard poked Steve in the throat as a warning. “If I so much as hear a rumor that you were with Prince James tonight, I will not hesitate to finish this. Do you understand?”

Steve wanted nothing more than to keep fighting the guard, he could do it all day. Y/N’s tear-stained cheeks only made him want to fight harder, but he knew better. She sacrificed herself for him. He wouldn’t make it worse for her, he’d save the fight for his next run-in with the guard.

“I understand,” Steve grunted.

The guard nicked Steve with the blade, a promise sealed in blood, before concealing his blade. “Clear out and bring Lady Carter with us. I’m sure her parents are worried sick.”

Next Chapter

[persephones-journey]

Okay. It’s been 2 days since The Last Kingdom wrapped up with its movie. So, I have had time to ponder, and cry, and think, and be in denial, but I think it’s time I share what that show has done for me and how it may have changed my life.

All right, so picture this, I am scrolling on Tumblr on my desktop bored out of my mind, not writing, in fact I think at this point I hadn’t written anything in months. And then suddenly there’s this gif set.

I can’t tell you which person I follows that posted it but I do remember my first reaction: Is that Francis from Reign?

And I was right. It was a gif set of Aethelflaed and Aethelred’s wedding. I was mildly interested but kept scrolling. And then came another gif set; same wedding but this one had Finan and Aethelwold.

I did not know the characters names then but I did know that 1. Aethelwold called Finan an Irishman and I really do have a soft spot for guys with accents and 2. Finan saying ‘I’ll kill ya in your sleep’ had exactly no business being that sexy.

That gif set made me write down the name of the show ‘The Last Kingdom’ into my notebook of tv shows/crime documentaries to watch.

BUT

I did not watch it until later… You guessed it lockdown from COVID. I had so much time, so I binged the series.

And waited all through season 1 for Finan, he didn’t show and man, not going to lie, Uhtred was not making the best decisions. I almost quit the show… but I had a goal: sexy Irishman.

(I’m halfway joking about that…)

When I did reach season 2 and Finan, I found I had fallen for other characters; Ragnar, Hild, Leofric, Beocca, hell even Alfred was all right. But season 2 also brought Thyra, Sihtric, Gisela, and Osferth.

I loved the whole found family dynamic. And it helped a tiny bit that a lot of the actors were fairly good looking.

But I don’t think I actually fell in love with the show until season 3.

I know, all of you are like ‘we get it. Season 3 Finan was sexy, you have mentioned it before’ and I have. But honestly, look at him:

But it was more than just Finan looking sexy, (all my friends are like ‘you’re lying’) it was the Coccham Squad as a whole. They had grown closer and tighter. The storyline for season 3 was the perfect balance of heartbreak and triumph for me. Finan was a smartass, always saying what I was thinking. Sihtric had his spy moment and fake turn. Osferth was sweet and caring. And Uhtred, surprisingly he had grown as a character, unsurprisingly he was still making stupid decisions.

But this season is my fave for more than that. This season, it got that writing spark going again.

And as I moved onto season 4, that spark became a flame.

So I wrote like 600 pages, no chapter breaks, one doc per season of this idea I had. And I told myself that would be it. I didn’t expect the desire to write to last, and if it did I was a hardcore Supernatural girl. I had stories I needed to finish for that fandom.

Finan though, that sexy Irish bastard would not be denied.

And I found myself rewatching the series… I mean, I started at season 2 the episode where Finan shows up. ( sorry Em)

And I got another idea. And I just decided: Fuck it. And signed up to get an Ao3 account and started writing and posting.

Now, this is the part where I get a little emotional. It was through my fic that I met some of my closest friends. I got an invite to a Discord server and the rest is history.

I have laughed with these awesome peeps, cried with them, celebrated their victories, and shared in their defeats. Spent far too many hours talking about how sexy certain characters are *cough cough* Finan and Sihtric.

I found my own family, you could say.

So, yes, The Last Kingdom is over, there will be no new adventures with Uhtred and his pretty boys.

But I will still have my own adventures with the Bread team. @emilyhufflepufftlk @lauwrite1225 @morosemagick @solinarimoon @blah-blah-blah-bla @muddleofnervouswords @medievalfangirl @cibs @93xdiagonxalley @anotherwinchesterfangirl

And I have Uhtred, Finan, Sihtric, and Osferth to thank for that, along with the many other great characters who made that show so damn compelling.

So thank you to The Last Kingdom for bringing me my people.

Oh, and for dropping this incredibly sexy but so nerdy Scotsman on my radar…. But that’s another post 😉