#i told myself so many times that i would be happy wit staying friends | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cherrycocaineee · 1 year

Text

36. Draco Malfoy - Avada Kedavra

*Synopsis: During the war, Maggie finds a way back to Hogwarts as she’s worried about Draco and the friends she made there. She’s surprised to find all of the students and teachers standing before Voldemort, while ‘dead’ Harry Potter was being carried by Hagrid. Spotting Draco, she runs out to the center of the battlefield and calls his name. But a muggle at Hogwarts doesn’t exactly make Voldemort happy.*

*Warning - doesn’t follow the movie 100%, mentions of death, anger, and war. Whatever else is considered a warning*

*Maggie’s p.o.v*

Every inch of my body felt like it was broken when I woke up in the middle of my Grandmother’s old farmhouse. There was a hole in the roof and the speculation of whether or not I fell through it came into question. I pulled myself off the ground; a layer of dust was collected on my clothes causing me to dust it off. Coughing from the cloud of dust, I stumbled out onto the porch and gasped desperately for some fresh air. I was greeted by the sickly green color of the England sky; the feeling that something was wrong burned me deep in my bones. As I stared up at the dark sky, the last couple of months hit me like a ton of bricks. Dumbledore was gone forever, just like Grandma Loral; Draco was a Deatheater, which he had refrained from telling me until the night he asked me to see him, and was meant to kill Dumbledore himself. Draco didn’t know that I had witnessed him trying to kill Dumbledore but failing to do so, or me seeing the mark on his arm when he revealed it. Snape, in the end, was the one who had killed Dumbledore and was a Deatheater all along. Harry and I confronted Snape at the beginning of the school year and I had managed to get him alone as he ran off to avoid confrontation. Our conversation was heavy on my mind.

“Snape!” I yelled out; his body coming to an abrupt stop, “Why? Why did you do it?” “A muggle such as yourself could never understand,” he hissed. “You were his friend!” I yelled back, “and Draco! Where is he?” He watched me and time seemed to move ever so slow the longer he held his gaze. The inside of my throat felt raw and sweat was practically pouring from my skin. “I know Draco met with you,” Snape said, “at your Grandmother’s house after Dumbledore’s death. He told you everything despite what you are.” I swallowed hard, being reminded by the burning in my throat how dry it was. “I love him,” I said; Snape got closer to me. “Even after everything he is?” I couldn’t answer that because I didn’t know if I did. That night I couldn’t abandon him, he was in so much pain, but my feelings for him felt rocky. Every part of me wanted to hold on to that love but it didn’t seem practical with where he was heading. “Yes,” I stated. “Then forget about him. With you around, you’ll only put him in danger.”

The next thing I remembered was a flash of light and I was thrown here. For how long was beyond me; it could have been days, weeks, months. I collapsed on the steps of the porch, fresh tears spilling from my eyes as I tried to cope with all the events that have occurred in however many days it's been. It felt like I hadn’t cried in so long and this was much needed at a time like this. My entire world felt like it was crashing before me and there was nothing I could do. I was nothing more than a muggle and I didn’t hold anything powerful inside me like all of my friends and family. It was a curse being born the only muggle to a family of wizards and witches.

When I was done crying, I picked myself back up and went inside. There must have been something left behind here; since no one was able to sell it so all of her belongings had remained here and sometimes I would come stay here when I missed her so much. I picked up an old, tattered photo album and plopped down on the withering couch before flipping it open and looking through the photos. Like every other photo in the magic world, these photos moved revealing a few seconds before and a few seconds after the snap of the camera. There were tons of photos: my grandmother with her late husband who I had never had the pleasure of meeting, my parents who had died when I was terribly young; they were so young and in love based on the stories I was told and the photos I saw, then there was Draco and I. Some of the pictures I hadn’t known were being taken, for example, the two of us sitting in the garden; Draco’s head rested in my lap while I read to him from one of the many story books I kept around. He was watching me so lovingly, not an ounce of hatred in his eyes or heart that day. Another photo was taken with our knowledge; Draco had snuck away from school to see me on a particularly warm day and we were outside enjoying a fresh bowl of cut watermelon. His arms were wrapped around my waist and I was feeding him a piece when Grandma had snapped the photo. I smiled, a stray tear slipping off my cheek and onto the old paper.

I flipped to the next page which happened to also be the last page of the album. There was something written on the empty page in black ink in perfect, loopy handwriting that belonged to my Grandmother. The words on the page were addressed to me which was odd because I had never seen them before. I traced my fingers over the ink as I read the inscription.

“Those who tell you that magic is the most powerful force known to all have never known the true power of absolute, undying love. Maggie, you may be a muggle but your love and heart are just as powerful as any wand.”

All of the memories of Draco and I flooded through my mind as I was reminded of all the times I was truly in love with this boy. Even now my heart aches to be near him, to touch him, to breathe in the unforgettable scent of his expensive cologne. Of course I was angry at him from betraying all of Hogwarts by becoming a Deatheater, and for him to not tell me or trust me with that information was heartbreaking but there was no denying that I was terribly in love with him because there was a better side to him than all of this. I needed to get back to Hogwarts and check on all of my friends, and I needed to find Draco. Fortunately I had managed to pick up a few tricks on how to get to and from Hogwarts after being there for so long. Not many ways worked for muggles but there were a few including a portkey which I was fortunate to own thanks to Grandma Loral. It was a stupid looking portkey, a piece of yarn with a paperclip attached to it but it was damn powerful. This portkey allowed for me to transport myself anywhere my Grandmother had been and that included Hogwarts. Taking a deep breath, I fished the object out of my jean pocket. As soon as my fingers touched the odd piece of trash, I was transported back to Hogwarts with a single thought of the school in my head.

It didn’t matter how many times I used this thing, I would never be use to the sudden landing of the portkey. My knees always buckled and I always ended up falling down because of the lack of balance in my body. Oddly enough, there was no one around. Pulling myself from the ground, I did a swift scan of the halls of Hogwarts. They were in ruins; dirt and gravel and chunks of other pieces of the building were scattered all over the place. Something had definitely happened here. I ran to the window and popped my head out. Everyone was standing out there in front with defeated looks on their faces. Standing a couple of feet away from the people I’ve grown to call family was an ungodly pale man in dark robes in front of an even larger group of darkly dressed people. It hit me instantly, this was the man everyone had been scared of, who Draco had told me about that evening Dumbledore was murdered: Voldemort. Even from up here, I was terrified. Hagrid was walking forward with a person being held in his arms but I couldn’t really make out who it was. All I could really see was the sad look over Hagrid’s face as if he had just lost someone beloved to him. Then it hit me hard with the realization that it was Harry being cradled in Hagrid’s arms.

From underneath I heard some murmuring but couldn’t make out the words. That is until Voldemort started speaking, his voice booming over the schoolyard.

“Harry Potter…is dead!” He yelled.

“No! No!” Ginny screamed, trying to push herself forward.

“Silence!” Voldemort bellowed, raising his wand and throwing a spell towards Ginny causing her to stumble backwards, “Stupid girl. Harry Potter is dead.”

Every inch of my body felt hot and I found it harder and harder to breathe as I held back more tears.

“From this day forth,” Voldemort continued, “you put your faith…in me. Harry Potter is dead! And now is the time to declare yourself. Come forward and join us…or die.”

From behind Voldemort stood a man who looked like a much older Draco; he lifted his hands and waved frantically forward. I could hear his voice as clear as day as he called out.

“Draco! Draco.”

But even in the crowd I could hardly make him out because of the people surrounding him. Then a woman stepped forward, her black hair had a single streak of white in it. She raised her arms openly and spoke in a soothing voice.

“Draco, come.”

Draco emerged from the crowd and slowly approached Voldemort and his family. A low, eerie chuckle left Voldemort’s lips as he reached his arms out to greet Draco.

“Well done, Draco. Well done.”

I watched as Draco made his way to his parents slowly before holding onto who I assumed was his mother. The look on my face made my heart ache. He looked sad and defeated, like he didn’t want to be where he was anymore. Not wasting another second standing at this window, I ran off down the hall to the entrance. I could hear more chatting, a speech is what it sounded like but it wasn’t coming from Voldemort, instead it was coming from Neville. I rushed out the side of the building and some of the students turned to me, gasping at the mere sight of me. I scanned the area and saw Neville speaking to the entire crowd while holding something in his hand, it looked like the sorting hat. He pulled out a sword from the hat ready to use it. That’s when Harry fell out of Hagrid’s arms and pointed his wand.

“Confringo!”

The spell blasted towards the snake beside Voldemort rather than at him but it bounced off and into the crowd of Deatheaters. Harry took off running and some of the Deatheaters started to leave at the sudden situation; most of them were being yelled at by some frizzy haired woman who wanted them to stay and fight. I pushed past everyone, even passed Professor McGonagall who tried to grab me but failed. Voldemort was shooting random spells at Harry, who managed to dodge a lot of them but used his wand to get rid of the ones he couldn’t. I ran past him but muggles have a different scent than wizards or witches, they lack the smell of magic, so as soon as I ran past him he noticed me. His eyes tearing away from Harry and I could practically hear him snarl behind me.

“Muggle,” he hissed, angrily.

“Maggie! No!” Harry yelled.

“Draco!” I screamed.

The blonde haired boy stopped and turned around quickly, his eyes almost popping out of his head at the sight of me.

“Draco! I love you!” I called out, “I’ll always love you! No matter what! Do you hear me?! I love you, Draco Malfoy!”

*Draco’s p.o.v*

“I love you, Draco Malfoy!” Maggie yelled towards me.

Tears started to stream down my face and I yanked myself away from my mother and father as they desperately tried to reach me. The single sight of Maggie filled me with so much warmth, and all I needed was for her to be in my arms. As I started walking faster towards her, her own feet carrying her even faster to meet me, I spotted Voldemort raising his wand towards her. Everything felt slow and I could hear the sound of my heart beating inside my chest rapidly as I watched.

“Maggie!” I cried, time returning back to its normal path and more tears spilling from my face.

She didn’t bother turning around as if she knew what was coming next. Instead, she smiled at me.

“Avada Kedavra!” Voldemort hollered.

A green flashing light soared through the sky towards her.

“Maggie!” I screamed just as the flash of green light hit her.

I felt my mother grab me, trying to drag me away but I just pulled myself away from her again and ran to Maggie’s body that now lay on the ground. I fell to my knees and grabbed her body; it was heavy and limp with no sign of movement. My tears fell onto her face as I cried.

“No, please. Maggie, please, wake up.”

Voldemort raised his wand at me this time but his spell was defiled by Potter causing the attention to be thrown back to him.

I pulled Maggie’s body upwards and hugged her tightly as I sobbed; my mother’s hands touched my shoulder as she knelt beside me. She tried to pull Maggie out of my arms but I didn’t allow it.

“I love her!” I cried out, “Don’t take her away from me!”

#draco malfoy #draco smut #draco imagine #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy smut #draco #malfoy #muggle #harry potter #harry potter smut #smut #dm stories #hp smut #draco fluff #draco fanfiction #fluff #imagines #angst

21 notes · View notes

more-than-a-princess · 7 months

Note

A VALENTINE’S APPLICATION.

your name: The Supreme Overlord of Ice and Snow, Gundham Tanaka

your age: 17

your perfect date: I've never been on such a thing, but I imagine a walk in the woods or a hike would be ideal. Somewhere secluded, within nature, where we could find a clearing to break for a feast. Or perhaps, we simply stay inside and watch anime, or read grand tomes together.

make out in private or in public?: Private. If the mere mortals saw a God do this deed, I'm afraid that it would have dire consequences.

do you like to cuddle?: I have only done such a thing with a bear and a dog, but I believe I would enjoy it with someone that can withstand my aura.

tell me something about you: My magic skill level is at 420, however, I depleted some mp earlier casting a spell to calm a demon, so now it is at a measly 380.

why do you want to be my valentine?: You are my closest friend, someone that will never judge me. You are full of life and light, someone who is popular and so unlike myself. I admire you, Dark Queen. And am hopelessly in love with you.

//Your reply is in my drafts, coming soon~

Valentine's Day Application - Accepting through February 14!

It was crass to ask for Valentine's Day applications while wishing only for one in particular, wasn't it? Sonia had wanted to be open to celebrating the holiday however it was meant to be done in Japan: sending chocolates to friends, gathering up the courage to send a very specially-crafted chocolate to one person in particular, and simply enjoying the red and pink, heart and chocolate-filled atmosphere.

She didn't want to have expectations that were higher than that: nothing like she'd seen in anime, in their very special Valentine's Day episodes. In romantic slice-of-life shows, they were just as pivotal as the Christmas episodes: confessions that made or broke couples. There were no higher stakes, and Sonia tried not to dwell on those too much each afternoon she sat in Gundham's lab, watching him bathe a bear or feed a snake, or allowing her to groom the puppies and kittens that came into his care.

And wondering if, just maybe, he had it in him to care for another human as deeply as he did for his animals. It had been foolish to wish for it, she thought as she brushed over fuzzy bellies and long tails. He had so much to give to those who needed it, she had no right to ask to be a priority, his priority.

Yet...there it was, black and white, in her hands: a request, a wish, that matched her own.

"Imagine," She murmured, her smile soft as she reread the words again and again, committing them to memory as if they would disappear the moment she looked away. "Being Gundham Tanaka and never experiencing a date, or cuddles, or kisses. I would not believe it unless he told me."

Sighing, content and relieved and so many other emotions she'd found herself suppressing for so long, Sonia ran her hand over the page and nodded. She wouldn't cry. Even if there was no one around to witness it, she would not shed tears for something so wonderful: it might give him the wrong impression. That his application saddened her, when it was, in fact, the exact opposite.

"Yes, a thousand times yes," Sonia said. "To my closest friend, the one person who sees me for everything I am and will never judge me for it. I would be happy with anything, as long as it is with you."

#more-than-a-princess answered #phantasmalnightmare #Non-Despair AU: Hope's Peak Academy verse #(Valentine's Day Application meme 2024)#(Sometimes you just gotta pull the good P&P 2005 quotes for romantic moments)#(Sonia is so funny: she thinks that Gundham's kind and giving care to his animals)#(Means he would not want her. Or consider her. Or have time for her)#(I'm sorry she has no idea when people are into her)#(Unless they are Kazuichi or like her for similar reasons as Kazuichi)

4 notes · View notes

thecoldnakedsoul · 4 months

Text

Married in heart for 2 years.

I married and divorced you. In the space of years. You said you needed marriage and I was terrified. I couldn’t understand how little time you had and you kept giving it to me.

I didn’t know.

So a few years ago I had to commit and that’s when you stopped being there. I can see it now. No choosing of me. But I had committed to choosing you and only being with you. You said I was never happy, so I investigated that.

I went to vermillion. And Edmonton. And Camrose. That’s where I found the burger order with your name on a bag at my hotel, where I stayed alone. All alone. I have pictures. I didn’t meet men other then the date I was supposed to go on & changed my mind about. The one who tried to carry me to his room.

I do have friends in Fort Mac but girls that used to live in Cold Lake. Not my family and no one super close. No one I build weekends around. Just people who I can catch up with, but you don’t tell me where my spare time will be. I did have that one guy I had met before you who wanted to know more about God. Then he told me I must be in love with him, so I blocked him and have never spoken a word to him again.

Once when you left me behind—I did go on a date with someone else and that didn’t look like integrity.

For this marriage, I stayed faithful when you didn’t choose me. I stayed loyal when I wanted to be outraged at your disrespect. I honoured your boundaries when you had not changed things with me. I didn’t pry, control your behaviour, or lose my mind.

And you didn’t choose me. I never asked for your money or time when I couldn’t make a way to get there and have it work. I didn’t hold you against your will—you came and went after using me. A few hours max to just fill the time.

You said I was your peace and re set and asked if I wanted you to stay or go. You asked about a bigger house and I didn’t want to give up what I have, since it seems you don’t want to stay. I told you that you had to choose. I can’t choose and make someone stay. I can only be with the ones who want to choose me in return.

Last time I could feel your distress but you don’t let me in. So you will struggle on your own, but likely it’s actually just that you didn’t care. It’s empty inside. It was hollow words. You said you don’t love me. What are intense emotions worth when you don’t open my messages or connect when you have time? My dreams shook me & they leave a feeling in my body.

Love was never an emotion. It was a choice. A choice to love you, stay, hear you, fulfill your desires, etc.

It’s in my head, heart, soul, and body. I was willing to move around the world if you’d choose me.

I was terrified at the thought of staying and choosing ever again. But I did anyways. I practiced. I held myself calmly. I woke up every day and found contentment and delight inside of myself. Except you don’t trust me.

I didn’t stay in love with Steve. I asked myself how he damaged me and how I was taking it out on you? That’s why I was reading “when loving him is hurting you.” I didn’t want to keep bleeding on those who didn’t cut me.

I don’t share all my life when I’m with someone; I share when I’m living alone. Sometimes I need to be witnessed. Else I can fall into a depression. But I would much rather live a quieter life with no social media.

I used to think if it’s good for the goose it’s good for the gander. I fought so hard to believe I would just live the same way my man would live, but I can’t. That’s my character and integrity. So I just won’t choose a man who can be so reckless with me.

And in March when I said I wasn’t sad anymore—I was at the point where I’ve tried everything to reach you. You didn’t want to be found, to connect with me, or to hear me out. You made all your choices. How many options should I give someone who gives me nothing in return?!

So this time I chose the divorce. We didn’t drift apart. We never got to connect. I was the perfect cover because you just kept me talking so you didn’t have to. But I didn’t get to say what I needed to say. I just got caught in your tornado of words.

I’d buy and wear what you wanted & live like you wanted if you would have just let me feel secure first. If you chose me first. If you loved me best. Then I could have done what you wanted. But I am not a toy, a call girl, a mother, or a real wife. So I have a line that I don’t cross to be a fantasy.

0 notes

mytherapyjournel · 8 months

Text

entry 1

Have you ever sat there one day and asked yourself "what the fuck did I do in my past life to deserve this" because there is no way that one person deserves to be handed this much bullshit in one life? I have done my fair share of therapy sessions, been told to journal in all of them. Have I ever done it? Yeah. Did it work? No. Probably my fault for not taking it seriously enough, but let's give it a go then hey.

I think I feel more anger for the things that has happened to me from a young child to an adult at the ripe old age of 27 (almost 27 I should say, there's still 6 days) I hate the look of pity in peoples eyes when I'm anxious in a conversation and accidentally overshare a memory that my brain has numbed myself into thinking is normal. "I'm not a sob story, I'm a success" I tell them, as if that makes what I just said any better.

My therapist told me it's normal to think about the life I could have had if my dad wasn't an alcoholic, the thing is, I know what it would have been because I had it when he was sober. He was a great dad, stern but fair. He taught us right from wrong, how to be a strong woman and stand up for yourself from a very young age, this is all until he had a few too many beers and spirits to wash away his own trauma. Unless you grew up with an alcoholic parent its very hard relate to the feeling of having two dads; The great, supportive, incredible father every child deserves and the angry, violent, and irrational father no child should ever have to witness. It's almost like whiplash with how quickly they can turn into a different person but you learn to adapt. When I'm asked in job interviews "how do you adapt to be successful no matter what situation is thrown at you" a part of me wants to scream "I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE I WAS BORN" but I just give a bland, stock standard answer that usually gets them nodding their heads.

Anger. I held so much anger towards my mother for staying with my father, I now know it isn't fair. I have a vivid memory of my mother crying on the bathroom floor on the phone to one of her friends apologising for my dads behaviour after a day at the races (he got drunk and accused the friends husband of stealing his money, but he put the money away and forgot about it). She was sobbing, begging her friend to not tell anyone. This was the first time I as an 8 year old asking my mother to leave my father for her own happiness, but it would take another 9 years for her to build the courage and succeed at it. My mother was always the strict parent, she wanted her daughters to be raised right with high morals and self respect, until she left my father and I was allowed to go any party I wanted, drink alcohol underage, stay out all night and not worry about school. I was once again experiencing whiplash, but you tell a 15 year old they can do whatever they want and they think they have reached heaven.

I did many things I am not proud of in my younger years, I put myself into risky situations that I have no idea how I survived. I blamed my mum for this for a very long time, I would to think myself "why would she let me do that, she's meant to be a parent". Really I was just young and immature and couldn't hold myself accountable. I remember bringing this up to my therapist once and she turned to me and said "she did the best she could with what was provided to her, she had to choose between being mother or to survive and if she didn't survive, you wouldn't have a mother who is alive" Harsh? Yes. Correct? Absolutely. I hugged my mother tight that day, I thanked her for everything she has done to keep a roof over my head, food on the table and most importantly a safe place to sleep every night.

This when I knew that if I was actually going to be a success story, it would be up to myself.

1 note · View note

chokguerra · 1 year

Text

When I started handling the HR Dept. I told my Manager (CEO) that I would like to start meeting the employees one by one to have a casual talk and check how they are and how can I help? I told him I don’t want to know the employees through their managers only.

He agreed and told me he believed the company needs it.

One time, during one of my meetings with one of the employees, I started explaining to him that the meeting is “just to check how are they” then he suddenly got teary eyed, he said in his 7 years with the company and 18+ years of experience, I am the first HR who asked him something not work related.

At the end of every meeting, my last question is always “can you tell me what you think I can contribute as your HR? What are 3 things or projects you expect HR to fulfill that you have not experienced yet?”

NO JOKE, 95% of them answered “First, this. What you are doing now, asking how we are, trying to know us, making us feel we have an HR is exactly what I am looking for.”

This exercise made me realize that Employees don’t ask much, most of the time they just want and need to be heard and appreciated. Of course, there will be a long list of what else they need such as salary increase, training etc. but it saddens me how they are not receiving the ‘basic’ service from previous HR’s which is to have someone who listens.

Few days ago, 1 of my employees gave me this perfume and I asked him why? He said “because you are a good HR.” Then the day after another colleague came telling me how everyone likes me as their HR because I care for people. Today, I was having a meeting with our Sr. Finance Manager and in the middle, he said he is so proud of my progress, and he sees a bright future for me. He is one of the few people who witnessed how I struggle and worked hard to be where I am now.

To lead HR is indeed a dream come true but not everyone knows and will ever know the BIG sacrifices I made, and I am making to live this dream. Yes, I am SUPER happy, but this wasn’t easy.

Leading and working directly with the CEO is a privilege YET challenging ---- Endless reports, meetings, issues to take care of and tons of TOUGH decisions to make ALONE. Not to mention sleepless nights, missing catching up with friends, cancelling travel plans, not having time for anyone even to myself HAHAHA :/ To the point that I can’t even reply to most of the messages to me! -_-

The pressure and expectations from the top management are TOO HIGH and not to forget I have employees to take care of.

Alongside, there are many things and I admit, I am still learning (in a hard way), and I have yet to learn to survive.

There are times when I am really really REALLY overwhelmed with everything that is happening and I won’t deny it is tiring. That is why words of affirmation, and an act of little appreciation really mean a lot to me. Because most of the time, the world only sees the result but doesn’t have a single clue what is happening in between each progress.

That is why you have to keep doing good to others no matter how small you think it is --- because you will never know who you are helping today with the little things you do.

At the same time, learn to listen without judgement. EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE HEARD.

Lastly, STAY KIND, it costs nothing!

#kindness #life #me #random #effort #choice

0 notes

holisticsoulhealer · 1 year

Text

Good Differences - A Spiritual Story

I love taking every opportunity there is in celebrating all the good differences that make each of us so entirely unique. I hope you, my darling readers, feel that in all that we do, and in the special union that now exists with Jeff and I.

Union is the very thing that is accomplished when we recognize and accept all the many differences and characteristics we all have.

I have witnessed all the many layers that drive wedges between people, and can so often see how to solve those gaps, acknowledge our amazing and unique differences, and return to greater love. In saying that, I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that I myself have left some huge relationships behind, in order to respect myself and be true to who I am. My heart doesn’t let go lightly, even though letting go is very much a personal core ingredient of evolving to this life of mine.

I remember many years ago, meeting with a really bubbly, fun woman at a retreat center, in Northern California. You know when you meet up with someone and there’s an instant familiar sense………they feel like family and it’s instantly comfortable simply being in their presence? She was like that and her whole demeanor was super cool, even with her name being “Sage.”

We were in the same class, learning spiritual principles, and pushing the envelope of opening the heart and claiming more personal understanding. I was “all in” with that class and Sage was delightful company. She was in my bunk house, and I related more to her than anyone else there.

On day two of the five day retreat, Sage asked me if she could be entirely honest, and of course I said yes. She told me sweetly and in an almost shy way that she was someone who preferred the company of women on every level, and was not only drawn to me as a friend, loving my British accent and fun slightly quirky sense of humor, but she was also attracted to me, and wondered if there was any possibility I would ever feel the same. She asked me in such an honest and gentle way, that I wouldn’t have to face her with any rejection or acceptance. It was simply a shared observation and an open hearted question.

I walked with her, letting her know that I had a preference for men on the romantic and sensual level. I did tell her, however, that if I’d have ever imagined or considered a relationship on every level with a woman, it would be an honor to explore that with her. She was filled with all the good differences that anyone would be fortunate to be around. She smiled, hugged me, and we thoroughly enjoyed the rest of our time at that retreat. I was really happy that I witnessed her meeting a lovely woman, who was interested in her on every level, which then completed that interaction we had shared.

As always, please share this post with anyone that you feel can benefit from it! Please like us on your social media channels and subscribe to our mailing list if you haven't already done so! We are mailing out a monthly newsletter and a recap each week of our blog posts and interesting tidbits! This is how you can stay informed with what is new in the world of The Holistic Soul Healer!!

Love & Blessings,

Ruth

Get personal with your Angels!! Connect with me and see what they have to say!!

BOOK NOW!

0 notes

minimonstermovies · 2 years

Text

Hark campers all who wish to hear

A ballad told both strange and true

Of monst’rous beasts, bewitching fear,

And cheeky feywild goons.

Twas summertime in Tennessee

When humid forests are aglow

With lightning bugs for all to see

Atop the lush Plateau.

The year was twenty-twenty one,

To start my senior year of school.

No classes still had yet begun

So all were wont to bool.

But first-years fresh had just arrived

So my friends had worthy cause

To put, as we had been advised,

Our revelry on pause.

The task at hand this eveningfall

Was understood and widely known:

To share with first-years one and all

Their newfound four-year home.

With weather fair, high was our stoke

To claim a campsite big and good:

A clearing of three ancient oaks

Surrounded deep in woods.

Two miles from the gravel road

The posse hiked to have their lark

And gladly make a night’s abode

Under a giant tarp.

With thirty first-years in our band,

Some surely wished that they could voice

Their apprehension with our plans,

But didn’t have a choice.

From metrovilles and suburbs fine,

not howling forests, did they hail,

So circumstance had brought to mind

An older campfire tale.

And so that very night I shared

A story to the young adults

Of how me and JT were scared

Encountering a cult.

How foolish, ah! Was I back then,

To be so frightened for my life!

But vision’s always better when

Regarded in hindsight.

At ten PM the time was ripe

To go and “Legend Trip” a jiff

At one profoundly spooky site

Just off below the cliff.

So those with bold souls undaunted

Hiked off with Ben and us to scope

The place we claimed was so haunted,

Expecting some cruel joke.

No ill-intent was meant, how could

We know that those who stayed behind

Back by the warm campfire would

Be praying for their lives?

These woods had been my happy home

For now three romping, tramping years.

To me no trail was yet unknown,

No cause, had I, for fears.

So trust me when to you I say

It was a sobering surprise

To find the back-at-camp brigade

With terror in their eyes.

A beast they said! A catamount!

But when they made all haste to leave,

The big cat snarled and stalked about

Then vanished in the trees!

Something surely, they must have heard,

A cougar, though, seemed far too strange.

Angus assured us that we were

Far from their normal range.

We tried to reassure the crew,

But ere twenty minutes passed

We questioned all we thought we knew,

Hearing the beast at last.

With primal horror, cold and grim,

Our bodies were at once beset!

A low grumble, a snapping limb,

Then naught but silence thence.

It wasn’t right, it shouldn’t be,

And yet we all had heard it clear.

That was no beast known in Sewanee,

No c’yote, owl, or deer.

Though hard it must be to believe,

Our hearts were solemnly aware

That Angus, Ben, and I indeed

Were dealing with a bear.

At once we told the other folks

The sober weight that this implies.

While many thought it was a joke,

Some texted their goodbyes.

So us three stood sentry there

Where we had heard that frightful sound,

Flashlight beams scanning for the bear

Just past the high campground.

It should have left, that much we knew,

If it had sense it would be gone.

For forty minutes through and through

It growled now and anon.

We shouted, yelled, and cursed our best

With shot nerves tattered, worn, and frayed.

A rabid bear was our best guess,

For still the monster stayed.

An hour is eternity

When you are at your own wits end.

Just out of sight amid the trees

It stalked, but look: what then?

Where once was beast now flashlights shone.

The vicious snarls came to an end,

When, popping up from lying prone,

Waved two of our friends.

Shaking logs and grizzly growls from

A speaker box had us convinced

Beyond a doubt that there was some

Great creature in our midst.

The first-years clowned us then because

When the torment had reached its end

Those pranked most that horrid night was

Myself, Angus, and Ben.

Now with this ballad at its end

I must share with you this warning:

I know not what may impend

Between now and morning.

When ballads told yield ballads more

Of backwood cults and rabid bears,

The pattern now please don’t ignore,

And one and all beware.

1 note · View note

sinisterintuition · 2 years

Text

i’m gay and in love

there was more to this at one point but

#i don’t want to force them into a relationship obviously #but i kind of hope they change their mind #because i can’t forget them no matter how hard i try and it hurts to know i’m still in love and they aren’t #i know there will be other people #and i know i’ll get over them eventually #but eventually isn’t fast enough #i love you my dear and i won’t ask for anything unless you ask for it first #but if the stars somehow align perfectly and the very universe gives me all its luck #maybe you’ll change your mind and maybe i can make you feel the same you make me feel without forcing anything onto you #i want to miss you when you’re gone without feeling stupid about it #i told myself so many times that i would be happy wit staying friends #but i lied #i will try to be happy and i won’t show you how much i want to kiss you and hold you close #but all i can do is hide how i really feel #i can’t change it #you’re too much of a good person for me to forget my feelings for you #and even if i did #i think i would just fall in love again

2 notes · View notes

smittenroses · 2 years

Note

hi i saw requests was open-

unrequited love with Joseph, Aesop and Eli?

on uh our side

please, thanks ^-^

(also i just realised i wasn’t following u, sorry)

Unrequited Love — Joseph, Aesop and Eli

Cw: yandere-like behaviour in the form of obsessiveness, delusions, light self harm and hints of murder (Aesop), obsession (rational), unhealthy power dynamics and isolation (Joseph).

Please skip their parts if you do not enjoy Yandere-like behaviours as it's a central theme of their parts for reasons that become quite clear.

Also please remember (after the last time I posted dark Aesop headcanons): I am an autistic person myself and thus use my experience for writing him, and Aesop's behaviours are not a result of his autism in canon, they are a result of his upbringing with Jerry Carl, and I am simply putting my spin on his behaviours.

I will not hesitate to block if people come to me saying that I am demonising Aesop's autism.

Joseph Desaulniers | The Photographer

Joseph Desaulniers is a man that grew up refined, gentlemanly and... very lonely; after the passing of his brother, he struggled to even form friendships or even register any sort of affections as being comforting. He knew deep within his soul that Claude would want him to eventually move on but its quite difficult when it comes to the fact he spent his entire life trying to find a way to bring him back in order to try and secure a happiness he thought he forever lost.

When you had walked into his life, he thought that you were a gift sent by the gods above — maybe even his brother too — as you lit a spark deep within his shrivelled and decaying heart. He practically began to worship the ground you walked on deep within his mind as you laughed, you cried, you looked at him and he couldn't help but find himself melting. It was the happiest he had ever been since the passing of his brother

That's why his heart shattered immediately when you told him that you could not reciprocate his feelings. It scattered on the floor and was stomped by a million elephants, but yet somewhere deep in his mind he was sort of relieved that you had been so honest about it — he knew that in his mind, you had become simply a replacement for Claude, someone that he knew would never be able to come back no matter how much he would try over, and over, and over again.

Even if he knew it was wrong, he still couldn't help but crave for your touch, for your conversation and watching as you would interact with others caused for his thoughts to darken. You were your own person, yes, but it was quite different when others could have what he didn't: your affection.

As a hunter, he held a significant amount of power over those little survivor friends of yours. Maybe he could convince them to stay away.

Aesop Carl | The Embalmer

Aesop... getting attached to someone is quite alarming at first given his tendency to stay away from people, hell, it even alarms himself when he realises that he strays away from his routine just for one silly person! Whenever he gets infatuated with someone it quickly turns into a disaster so many tend to keep their distance. It doesn't take long until he eventually will lose interest.

It isn't his fault he acts this way; Jerry never showed him how to hold and maintain relationships beyond business matters, so when the need to be loved, to be held, to be seen as someone more than a teammate creeps its way into the crevices of Aesop's brain, it easily becomes dark.

He tends to confuse parental affection and lover affection easily.

It seems that you didn't get the memo about avoiding becoming the Embalmer's latest fixation as the more that Aesop got to know you, the more he fell and those dark thoughts began to swirl around in his head, swirl around, and around, and around until you couldn't get out of his head! You're on his mind 24/7, you're running laps and making him giddy.

You witnessed his first outburst when you rejected him, watching as he slammed his beloved makeup case to the floor and the contents of it spilling out all over the carpet of the manor, quickly gathering the attention of the other survivors as they rushed to separate you from the man. He didn't mean to scare you, he really didn't, but hearing that you didn't reciprocate his feelings made him so mad.

He watched as you were dragged out of sight by Norton as Ada attempted to calm him down, that his behaviour was unacceptable as he stuffed his fingers in his mouth, chewing on already broken skin and nail. No, he loved you and you loved him, why didn't you see it yet?

Maybe he might need to show you his gift sooner than he liked. You needed to know how much he adored you... He never asks for much, please, he needs you.

Eli Clark | The Seer

This man is the only one out of the three that was able to learn how to form healthy relationships in his time outside of the manor so if he's the one interested in you, thank fuck.

He's missing Gertrude dearly and the fact that you remind him so much of her sends his heart aflutter in his chest so much that Brooke Rose has to tell him to calm down before he gives himself a literal stroke.

Probably the sweetest one since he'll do anything and everything in his power to make sure that you're happy and that you are able to go to him for anything. He values himself on being helpful, visions or not.

Probably foretold to himself that you would reject him and was oddly calm when you said 'no', but either way he was still smiling when he said "Then we can still be friends?"

#identity v #idv #identity v headcanons #idv headcanons #idv aesop carl #idv photographer #idv joseph #idv embalmer #idv seer #idv eli clark #identity v x reader #idv yandere #yandere idv #tw yandere #cw yandere #cw possessiveness #tw possessive behavior #tw possessiveness #idv x reader

314 notes · View notes

nojey · 4 years

Text

fans

dream x streamer!reader

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 2.4k

warning(s): cursing, failed relationship, throwing things out of anger

synopsis: (y/n) and dream met through a mutual friend and their own friendship begins to blossom on its own. they start talking more and more and the feelings they have for one another grows so much more than either of them imagined. but as they stream together, they realize how much hate they’ve started to get and rethink whether or not they should be together or not.

looking back on it, meeting dream was one of the best days of your life. that day, your friend, sapnap, had introduced you to one of his friends and from that day forward, a beautiful relationship bloomed. not a single one of either of your viewers knew you two had become friends and it was nice; keeping something to yourself from a whole community that knew almost everything about you. you both went from talking every once in a while, to every week, to every other day, to almost all day, everyday. you grew to know pretty much everything about each other, where he grew up, how his childhood was like, everything from his favorite color to what he feared the most. and as you got to know him more, your feelings for him just grew so much more than you had ever imagined. and you hoped he felt the same way about you.

when he asked you if you wanted to facetime, you were shocked. you guys were only ever either in a discord call, regular call, or texting. granted it had been about 7 months since you both became friends, but you didn’t need to know what he looks like. you like him for the person he is, how caring and attentive he is to his friends, how witty his personality is and how cocky and confident he is. you like him for the passion he has in his heart for the people and things he loves. you never had to see his face to know these things about him. but because you knew this was a big step in your friendship, you accepted. him even asking you to facetime meant so much to you.

he called you with his phone facing the ceiling and you had propped up yours so your upper body was on full display. “clay, you know you don’t have to show me your face? if you’re not ready to, you don’t have to.” you told him. “i’m more than ready to show you what i look like, (y/n). you’re an important person in my life and i want to show you.” he replied. “okay.. if you’re really sure. i just hope you know that whatever you look like, it will not change my opinion of you.” you assured him. “i know, (y/n).” he chuckled. “which is how i know i’m ready to show you.” you smiled. your heart warmed knowing that he trusts you this much. “whenever you’re ready, clay.” you said. “close your eyes,” he said. you did what he asked of you and you heard shuffling. he let out a breath, grabbed his phone and propped it up so you could see his face.

“you can open your eyes now.” he said. you slowly opened your eyes and your breath got caught in your throat as you fully saw him. “wow..” you whispered, still examining his face. “you’re really pretty, clay.” he started blushing and said, “stop staring, you’re just going to fall in love with me.” laughing a bit. you started blushing too and looked away. both your reasons for blushing may have been different, but you knew you were blushing because what he said was true.

for the rest of the night you both stayed up until 3am talking about anything and everything, getting to know each other more than you already did.

the day you both streamed together was about 4 months later. the internet went crazy. your viewers and his had absolutely no idea you two had known each other but they saw the way you two talked to each other; they knew you sounded like you were talking to your soulmate. you didn’t have to watch what you said, you laughed out to your hearts content, you both teased each other in such a flirtatious manner that it didn’t take them long to start thinking you guys were in a relationship.

but with the people who supported you, there were twice as many people who hated the idea of you two together. at first it was bearable, neither of you cared about the hate because you were happy with where you both were with each other. clay was confident that you felt the same way about him that he had for you. he fell in love with you and you knew you had fallen in love with him too.

a few weeks after your first stream together, he asked you if you wanted to fly to florida to meet him in person and you immediately said yes. you started packing your bags and by next week, you were on your way to meet the guy of your dreams.

when you landed, he was already there waiting for you and when you got to baggage claim you saw him and immediately recognized him. you ran up to him and gave him the tightest hug ever; you were finally in his arms. the height difference was evident and he had to lean down a bit to hug you but he felt so content with you being there, in his arms.

“you’re really here..” he whispered. “i’m here, clay. i’m here.” you assured. tears started slowly falling down your face and you buried your face deeper into his chest, taking in the warmth that was filling you. clay started crying too, thinking how lucky he was to be able to hold you close to him.

the day after you flew in was the one year mark of you two becoming friends so you went out to celebrate. throughout the day you guys reminisced back to the nights you both stayed up till the sun rose just talking and created new memories as you adventured through orlando. when it was around 3pm clay drove you to the beach to witness the sunset and you arrived just when the sun was kissing the water. you looked around the beach and saw no one but a beautiful set up with roses on the sand. you looked at clay with a surprised expression, he smiled, took your hand and lead you to where the roses laid. he brought you to stand in the middle of it and took both your hands in his,

“(y/n), when sapnap introduced us i never knew you would be such an important person in my life and i couldn’t be more grateful for you. you have helped me through my darkest times, celebrated with me in my happiest, been patient with me when i was being insufferable, stood by me during the most boring days and acted like you were having a blast when it was only just us talking. you’ve shown me that i can let myself be who i am without caring what any other person had to say about me. there’s so many words that i can’t put together right now because that’s how you make me feel. you make me feel so nervous when i’m around you and all the words in my head just get mixed up and i never know what to say. but i do know that right now, i’m trying to ask you on a date. so (y/n), will you go on a date with me?” by the time he was done with his speech you were close to tears. “of course i’ll go on a date with you clay.”

the night of your date had been the most magical night of your life. in the day you both went to disneyworld and at night he brought you to a hill top to, once again, watch the sunset while you both ate dinner on the hood of the rental car he got. everything was so perfect, it was the best date you’ve ever went on.

he was an absolute gentleman, not letting you pay for your things, opening the door for you, pulling you closer to him when someone got too close to you, treating you like you were a princess and you couldn’t have asked for a better guy to be with.

after you both finished your dinner you just laid down on the hood of the car and stared at the stars, talking about a future you wish had come true. that night you shared a kiss that would be remembered through the horrid months to come.

the day you left orlando, you didn’t think it would be the last time you ever saw clay in person. when you got home you talked like normal, already speaking about a second date the next time either you or he visited. you both missed each other like crazy and you believed you would see each other very soon.

you streamed together more often and no one was blind to the smitten words you both shared, to the adoration dripping in your voices. so many people hated it and you never understood why, was it because they thought you weren’t good enough for him? because they were so protective over him? did they just hate you? so many questions filled your mind when your phone ringing brought you out of it. you reached for your phone and saw that clay wanted to facetime. you answered with a smile on your face, “hi clay!” but it soon dropped when you saw the solemn look that fell upon his. “is everything okay?” you asked. he sighed and said, “we need to talk.”

and everything fell apart.

the next words that came out of his mouth broke your heart. “i don’t think we should continue dating, or maybe even being friends.” you could feel the tears pricking your eyes as you looked around your room, trying to understand why this would come up all the sudden. “what do you mean?” you asked, slightly laughing hoping he was playing some sick joke on you. but when you kept looking at his serious face, you understood he wasn’t and your tears finally fell. he looked at you and his eyes glossed over.

it hurt him knowing he was hurting you; the most important person in his life, the person he believed he would get married to and grow old with, the person he stayed up, losing sleep for just to get to know because you were worth that and a million more.

“i know you see all the hate we’re getting. and that’s only us streaming together. what happens when they find out we went on a date or if we do start dating, what would the fans say?” he said, no longer looking at you through his screen. “why do you care about what they’ll say about us?” you whispered. “look at me, please.” he slowly looked back at the screen to see your face full of tears and that’s what finally broke him.

“our fans. they hate seeing us together, we can’t disappoint them. we can’t dissatisfy them. i know your fans mean the world to you and mine mean the world to me too.” he said, wiping his tears away, wishing he could just wipe yours, kiss your cheek and tell you everything would be okay. “but we can make it work, we won’t stream together as much or at all anymore. we can be like how we were before they knew we were friends! we can make it work clay..” you said. he started getting frustrated, just wanting this to be over with so he didn’t have to see you so hurt anymore.

“i can’t keep going on with my fans hating the relationship i’m in (y/n)! i can’t keep seeing my fans hate you because of me! i can’t keep making my fans mad at me because i have a stupid little crush on you!” he raised his voice. the last sentence hurting you more than anything. and he saw that in your facial expression, immediately regretting it.

“no, (y/n). i- i didn’t mean it like tha-” you cut him off. “a stupid little crush? is that all i was to you clay? a stupid little crush? so what, that whole year we spent getting to know each other was you just having a stupid little crush on me? you asking me to fly to forida to meet you, was that you just having a stupid little crush on me? me actually flying all the way to florida to meet you, did you think i just had a stupid little crush on you? did you think me saying yes to going on a date with you was me just having a stupid little crush? what, did that date mean nothing to you? did that kiss mean nothing? did you not mean anything you said to me the night you asked me on that date? because i meant every single thing i said to you clay. you’ve impacted my life so much in such a good way, but i guess you didn’t feel the same way. was i just a joke? just someone to play with while you were bored?” you asked, not wanting to believe what he was saying.

“no, that’s not what i meant.” he sighed. “then why can’t we work things out!? i don’t understand, clay. if you really did mean everything you told me on that beach then why aren’t you trying harder for us?” you asked, disappointment dripping through your voice. “because i just don’t think we’d work out okay!” he yelled at you. neither of you spoke, just looking at each other. he saw the nasty glare and look of hurt wash over your face. “that’s all you needed to tell me.” you whispered.

you hung up and as soon as the call was disconnected you sobbed. you cried your eyes out. the guy you were in love with made you believe he wasn’t in love with you. you were absolutely devastated and you didn’t know if you’d ever be as happy as you were with him.

---------

in florida, sat a man with his phone clutched in his hands, tears streaming down his face that didn’t look like they would stop anytime soon. he whispered, “what have i done?” he screamed, he threw things, broke picture frames, punched the wall. but doing all those things would never bring you back to him.

---------

twitter

(y/n): hey everyone! i think i’m going to take a break from streaming and all social media for a few months. i don’t really want to go into detail right now but maybe if i come back i’ll explain everything. until then i hope all of you stay healthy and hopefully i come back eventually, i love you all :]

————

authors note:

you guys!! there will be a part 2, send me an inbox or a message if you want to be on the tag list !!

1K notes · View notes

imaginethathaikyuu · 4 years

Text

kinktober - day one

akaashi keiji - friends to lovers

kinktober faq kinktober prompt list

NSFW warning featuring: fingering, dry humping, first time together, unprotected sex other tags: lots of exposition, too many words, years long pining, accidental almost confession, emotional real one, mentions of characters having previous partners, oblivious reader, hidden feelings, slight angst, oh no there’s only one bed! fem reader

word count: 7380

Akaashi Keiji knows everything.

At least, he seems to.

You realized this only a month after knowing him. He turned around to you, the girl who sat behind him in biology, and gave you one look before saying, “You have no idea what this lesson is about, do you?” And you laughed, because it was so absurdly true, while Akaashi turned his desk around and introduced himself as your study partner.

You still don’t know how he knew you were struggling. You thought you hid it well, but his eyes must have caught the poor grade on the quiz the teacher returned to you the week before, or the way you seemed to immediately sulk the moment you walked into the classroom. He could see everything you tried to hide - even things you couldn’t see yourself.

And he wouldn’t let you get away with anything but a stellar grade, so study sessions became routine for the two of you - a friendship was destined to bloom, and fast.

He was too observant for his own good, which was something you learned while watching one of his volleyball practices. He had been inviting you to come watch after study sessions for awhile, but it took you a bit to work up the nerve to walk into the giant gymnasium filled with boys you didn’t know.

As you watched him play, you saw his superpower: Akaashi’s eyes were everywhere at once. On the ball, on his teammates, on his opponents, on his own feet - he always knew where everyone was at any given moment, all while somehow managing to spare you a few knowing glances during the mess of the game.

You never knew how he did it, but you figured you didn’t have to know. It was because he was Akaashi, and that’s it.

But you questioned why no one else seemed to notice it. His excellence was obvious to you, but even his closest friends seemed to gloss over it.

Keiji stood out to you, while to others, he was just Akaashi. Quiet, reserved, sometimes as blunt as a hammer, Akaashi.

He didn’t care, though. Akaashi thrived on being in the background - he didn’t need any of the attention or recognition you wished to give him. And maybe he loved his friends more because they left him be.

Those friends of his, however, all shined just as bright as Keiji did, and were never shy about it. You look back at getting to know them all as a highlight of being in high school; despite never feeling like you belonged in their friend group, you were always happy to be with them.

Keiji pushed you to get closer to the three boys, Tsukishima, Bokuto, and especially Kuroo, right from the first day you met them. They were playing a friendly volleyball game with a few other boys you never really met, and you quickly learned you had no reason to be nervous to meet them.

It was easy to let go and goof off, because that’s all any of them were doing, anyway.

Just because it seemed like fun to get under Kuroo’s skin, you decided to antagonize him a bit. “So, Nekoma’s mascot is a cat, correct?”

Kuroo immediately grew defensive at your tone. “Yes - what do you have against cats?”

“Nothing, nothing! I like to think of myself as pretty cat-like, actually.”

“Show him your claws, Y/N,” Keiji chimed in.

“They’re nimble, and sneaky... and lazy. Something that owls aren’t - just saying. Seems pretty fitting when comparing your team to ours, don’t you think?”

“Akaashi, you better get your cat,” Kuroo grumbled, with a sly smirk that never seemed to leave his face.

“She’s just a kitten,” Akaashi replied, winking at you and immediately taking your breath in a way you’d never felt before. “Not my kitten, though, so you’re on your own here, Kuroo.”

That’s when the first wall came up. You didn’t notice it, not yet, or even realize why it had been built. But as soon as your heart sank to your stomach and erupted into butterflies all because of Keiji’s flirtatious gesture, that wall arose.

And many would follow.

On the walk home from that practice, you noticed every glance he sent you. Every time his shoulder touched yours, you felt it amplified. Your knuckles grazed his and you looked down at your hands - his much bigger than yours, your fingers raring to wrap around his. And they were going to, either out of curiosity or the blatant need to touch him or both, until he stuffed both of his hands into his pockets and away from your potential grasp.

You shook your disappointment off and reminded yourself of what the two of you were: friends. Just friends. Friends only hold hands sometimes, and it’s not on walks home or during study sessions or any of the times you found yourself wanting to hold onto him.

“Kuroo likes you,” Akaashi said out of nowhere. And you laughed.

“You think so?”

“I’m pretty sure.” He sounded distant, his gaze was head on. “Maybe you should give him a chance.”

You laughed again and said, “Maybe,” even though you knew you’d never entertain the thought of going out with Kuroo.

Not with Kuroo or anyone else, but you wouldn’t understand why for a long time.

Two years of friendship had come and gone in almost an instant, but every day with Akaashi was memorable in that easy familiar way only he could offer. He truly was your comfort - everything you needed in a friend, Keiji had. Being so close to him was a blessing, you knew that.

When the two of you ended up choosing the same university, you almost wanted to cry, because you knew nothing could quell your fears of what’s new better than Keiji’s all knowing familiarity. Having your best friend by your side during times of change would make everything easier.

But it was a different story entirely when you became roommates with him. The apartment you shared was small but homey; it had all the comfort you had in your friendship with him, and you thought nothing could be better than that.

It was more than that, though. Months went by of seeing him every day, and it felt like that comfort was leaking through the floor every time you saw his bedhead or heard him singing in the shower or watched him pull another girl into his bedroom.

It wasn’t like the latter was an often occurrence, but just the thought of him being with someone made your stomach turn. But it gave you the idea of seeking your own partners, which was something you hadn’t done in years, and it quickly spiraled into an unhealthy habit.

You longed for familiarity, to be touched by someone you knew. You were desperate for comfortable vulnerability, and you never found that with a stranger in your bed. So, you decided to seek out someone familiar. And when the person in bed with you was an old friend, a realization dawned on you. Rather, it was offered to you.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” Kuroo mumbled, and you did nothing but send him a questioning glare, one he scoffed at.

The two of you had done nothing so far but send a few flirty texts and then sit on your bed; he hadn’t even kissed you yet. You weren’t sure how you felt about it - you weren’t sure if you even wanted him to kiss you.

“I’m not the one you want here, idiot. So why am I the one you brought to your bed?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” you replied honestly. “Are we going to -”

“No, we aren’t. Are you really that dense?”

“What?”

“Look,” Kuroo said, standing up and pinching the bridge of his nose as if he was annoyed that he had to be saying this. And while you watched him, you noticed this was the first time you ever saw him without his signature grin or sly eyes. “If I was a shitty friend, I would have fucked you back in high school, alright? I mean, come on, I had the chance. But I care about Akaashi too much to ever do that with you, and I know you don’t actually want to fuck me.”

You stood up, too, facing him head on. “What does Akaashi have anything to do with fucking me, Kuroo?”

“Everything, idiot. I know you probably think you’re good at hiding it, but everyone knows you’re as in love as you could possibly be with that smartass.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, because you didn’t, but Kuroo wasn’t having it.

“Well you’re the only one you’ve convinced. And, for the record, this isn’t going to help you get over him.”

Still, you didn’t get it. You couldn’t see it - you refused to.

“You’re off limits, dude, Akaashi told us himself.”

“Then why are you here?”

His annoying grin was back. “To see how delusional you really are. And give you some advice. Just admit it to yourself - you’ll feel better, I promise.”

Keiji was your best friend, and that was it.

This wasn’t some story of years long pining and unrequited love.

Was it?

But you thought about it, for just a moment. You thought about being in love with him.

And then you couldn’t stop thinking about it.

You decided, right then and there, that what Kuroo said wasn’t true; admitting it to yourself didn’t make anything better. In a lot of ways, your friendship with Akaashi thrived on your special feelings for him, and it relied on those feelings staying secret to both of you.

You couldn’t even finish the conversation with Kuroo. He swore not to tell, because you made him, and that was it.

That’s when the second wall came up, then the third, then the fourth. You were trapped inside of them. Hiding, only hiding, and safe from anyone who could see you or your heart.

You denied it still, even though Kuroo knew, just to convince yourself he didn’t. No one knew but you; the only one who knew the password to that door was you. You could be hidden, safe, and protected forever, because you made it that way.

Keiji would never know, and everything would stay okay.

Everything but you. And that security wouldn’t last, because a storm was brewing.

But you were content. What you had with Keiji was always enough for you - you had enough. You saw him every day. You got to hear his laugh on the good days and hug him on the bad ones; you got to have coffee with him every morning and secret late night snacks too many midnights. Sleeping alone was fine. Not getting intimate moments was okay. What you had was enough.

It seemed like the more you recognized your feelings for him, the more of Keiji you saw. You were still getting to know him after years of calling him your best friend; you were noticing his habits that you never saw before. He mumbles to himself while he cooks; he picks at his nails when he’s nervous; he overthinks everything, even the smallest decisions.

The latter had always been obvious, but you had never realized it until you lived with him - until you really started to love him.

Every day, you learned something new about him. And every day, you loved him more, in ways you didn’t even know you could. Ways that made it hard to love him from afar.

Months of your love growing during your first year of university seemed to go by too quickly, and soon spring break was fast approaching. A trip with old friends to a lake house was planned months in advance, and both you and Keiji were excited to see the three boys again.

But when you arrived at the old looking house that evening you were met with knowing eyes and a sly grin that hadn’t changed since high school.

“There are only four beds,” Kuroo announced, “and five of us.”

“That’s alright,” Keiji started, but he was interrupted by Bokuto’s loud laugh.

“Oh, I guess we’re sharing a bed, four eyes!”

“I’ll suffocate you in your sleep,” Tsukishima said, meaning every word he said in a way that made Kuroo cackle.

Keiji looked at you. “You don’t mind sharing with me, do you?”

A million thoughts ran through your mind, but you only shook your head. You didn’t voice any of the concerns you had for yourself.

“No problem.”

He gave you a grin. “It’ll be like our high school sleepovers,” and then he took your bag and left to find your shared room.

You remembered the last sleepover you had with him and your heart raced just thinking about it; you spent half of the night pretending to be asleep, and the other half watching Keiji’s sleeping face and wondering why laying next to him made you feel the way it did.

This would be the exact same, except now you knew why your heart would be pounding.

Kuroo was still laughing, but he was looking directly at you. “Are you sure it’s not a problem?”

“Shut up, Kuroo.”

He kept laughing, and it left Bokuto scratching his head. “What’s going on? Why are you mad, Y/N?”

“Because Kuroo is an asshole -”

“Hey now, I’m doing you a favor here!”

“...I still don’t get it.”

“You never will, Bokuto,” Tsukishima commented.

You decided to leave Kuroo laughing on his own - you shouldn’t let him get under your skin, because that’s exactly what he wanted to do. He was doing this on purpose. Maybe he thought he was helping you out, but he was only making things harder for you.

You weren’t going to let him win. You were going to have fun on this trip while keeping our secret seeled, and nothing would stop you - not even Kuroo attempting to play matchmaker.

The late arrival called for a quick dinner and a nighttime bonfire to kick off the vacation the right way; the boys were all too excited for the night and had gotten the fire started before you could even finish unpacking your bag.

When you stepped outside, the cool air hit your skin and froze you all over - you expected low temperatures, but not that.

“It’s cold!” you called out to the boys who were all sitting around the nearby campfire.

“That’s why we have a fire, moron!”

“It’s still cold,” you argued, even though you knew it was fruitless to fight with Kuroo.

“It’s alright, you’ll warm up,” Keiji told you.

“Go warm her up, Akaashi!”

You ignored Kuroo’s comment - you were not in a good place to be entertaining that thought, not when you’d be in bed with Keiji in just a few hours.

Keiji seemed to ignore it, too. “Here, I saved you a seat.” He patted the vacant spot on the bench next to him, and you sat down. “You didn’t bring a jacket, did you?”

“It’s inside,” you replied. “But I’m fine.”

He didn’t even listen to your response, he was already pulling his hoodie off and giving it to you.

“Are you sure?” you asked, holding it in your lap.

“Yes,” he replied. “It’ll keep you warm - you need it more than I do.”

“How romantic,” Kuroo butted in, and it was only now that you noticed the beer in his hand - as well as the few empty cans next to him.

Drunk Kuroo is always worse than Sober Kuroo, even though you could hardly believe he could ever get snarkier. It was like alcohol made him open his big mouth more, and it always made you nervous. Even though you knew he’d never say anything about your secret while anyone else was around, any time alcohol was involved made those chances go up.

“Just being nice,” Keiji said, obviously playing in to Kuroo’s banter. “I don’t see you offering her your jacket.”

“Hey, I just don’t think you’d like it if I gave your girl my jacket, would you?”

Keiji laughed at his slurred words and directed his reply at the group rather than to Kuroo, “He’s only had five beers and he’s already stuttering.”

“We’ll see if he makes it to six before passing out,” you said, and while it made the others laugh, it seemed to rub Kuroo’s drunken fragile ego the wrong way.

“I can handle my alcohol just fine, thank you.”

Bokuto butted in, “Are you sure about that?”

“You’ve been a lightweight since high school,” you added.

Everyone laughed, Kuroo included. With his next words, he must have thought he was playing along with the joke. That you were all in on what he was about to say next. That they would have no repercussions, they would sting no ears.

But when he said them, it sounded like a smack of thunder.

“Yeah, and you’ve been hiding your feelings since high school - some things just never change, Y/N!”

You could hardly hear Bokuto saying, “Feelings? For who?!”

“For Aka -”

“Kuroo.”

You stood up. Keiji’s forgotten hoodie fell out of your lap and landed on the ground. Everything was quiet save for the fire cracking and the pounding of your heart.

Your eyes said everything you needed to tell Kuroo. He stared right back at you, his face white as snow and his mouth hung open as he choked back his words. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. It was the calm before a fast approaching storm, one you couldn’t run away from.

“You weren’t going to say Akaashi, were you? Surely not…”

Kuroo turned his head to look at Bokuto, seeming to have no clue what to say. You kept staring as he shook his head, not having the courage to say anything else.

“Pretty sure he was,” Tsukishima said.

“Oh. Shit.”

You could have denied it - you didn’t. You could have been angry at Kuroo - you weren’t. You could have explained this away as him being drunk and talking out of his ass - you couldn’t.

You didn’t dare turn to look at Keiji as you stormed toward the cabin. You refused to stay and let this situation become worse than it already was.

You could hardly hear the words Keiji had for Kuroo, but they were something like, “Why the fuck did you do that?” and if you had been any less upset you would have been worried for how angry he sounded.

You didn’t know what would happen next. If you thought about it, you were sure you’d fall apart, and that was the one thing you couldn’t let happen. You had to hold yourself together, you had to give this situation the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe if you could just lie down and sleep before Keiji comes inside, you could wake up in the morning and everyone would act like nothing happened. Just because your secret is out doesn’t mean it was over - you could wait out this storm.

That’s what you were doing when Keiji came into your shared bedroom. You lied in bed as Keiji slipped in, your back to him and the blanket pulled up to your chin. And, just like at those old sleepovers with him, you were pretending to be asleep.

You had to be good at pretending if you wanted to stay best friends with him. To be as close as you are, with the feelings that you keep for him, you learned how to hide from Keiji. And you had gotten good at it, too - at least, you liked to think so. You were sure he wouldn’t catch you awake.

You tried not to think about what happened earlier. You tried not to dread what was coming if he knew you weren’t actually sleeping.

Minutes passed and Akaashi stayed awake. Then, he looked over to you.

“I know you’re awake.”

Everything felt frozen, just for a moment, but you didn’t move. You kept your breathing deep and steady, you lied still.

He reached a hand out to you, fisting your shirt into his palm. His thumb grazed your lower back, skin he exposed from grabbing your shirt.

“Stop pretending. You’re bad at it.”

It was like the world stopped spinning. Your world, anyway - the one you had made up in your head. The world where the only things Keiji didn’t know were all the things you were trying to hide from him; the world where, despite never being a good liar, you were good at lying to him.

But that wasn’t the same world Keiji was living in.

“I know,” you replied, voice cracking through the words.

You were sure he didn’t mean what he said in the way you felt it sting your chest, but it didn’t matter. Years of learning, hiding, pretending were all culminating in this moment, and if you weren’t careful you’d end up losing it all.

His hand moved from your back to holding your side. “Will you look at me?” And you didn’t have a choice, because he was turning you to lay on your back, anyway.

So you looked at him, because it’s what he asked you to do, and you felt the first crack in your poorly built foundation when you realized how close he was to you; then, he put his hand on your side and pulled you even closer.

It’s like he was looking through you.

“I should tell you something,” he said, and you had some idea where he was going with this but you didn’t want to find out. No part of you wanted to hear what he was about to say.

“You know… I already knew, Y/N.”

There it was: the collapse.

You couldn’t look at him anymore, so you closed your eyes and tried to keep pretending, even though you had nowhere left to hide.

“Yeah.” The hand on your side was hot and heavy and hard; you hated how much you loved being touched by him, even right now when your made up world was ending. “I know.”

“I’ve always known.”

“I’m sorry.”

You were so close to letting go, to breaking down in the pile of rubble. But you had built your house of lies on unsteady ground, after all; what else did you expect to happen other than this destruction?

You wanted to cry. You didn’t. You couldn’t be angry at yourself or upset, because you saw this coming. After all, Keiji knows everything. He sees things you don’t even know are showing - he’s been able to read you like a book since before he even knew your name.

Of course he knew. You were stupid to ever think he didn’t.

He whispered your name, and then you felt him kiss your forehead.

“I’m sorry,” you said again, meaning it with your whole heart even though you knew it wouldn’t change anything.

“I should tell you something else,” he said, and it was quiet, like he was telling you a secret only you could know. He was treading carefully, choosing his words particularly - he didn’t do that often. You felt him bunching your shirt up in his fist again, you heard him sigh loudly. “I don’t even know how to say it.”

The tears were finally slipping free as you began to understand what he was getting at, so you pulled back. You didn’t need him to pity you.

“It’s fine,” you insisted, trying to push him away. He wouldn’t let you. “I know - I’ll get over it - you don’t have to tell me - I already know.”

“No, you don’t - you don’t know, Y/N, please, just come here.”

“Keiji -”

“Let me show you.” He wasn’t speaking quietly anymore - this wasn’t a secret anymore. “I can’t explain it - let me show you, Y/N - please.”

“Show me what?”

“That I feel the same,” he said, pulling you back into his arms.

For a second, you thought you misheard him.

And then, he kissed you.

Soft, sweet, new lips were on yours, taking your breath as if he needed it to breathe himself, then breathing a new life into you that you never knew could be alive. It was like striking a match, flicking a lighter, starting a fire; you watched the rubble of your once hidden love burn, all at the hands of Keiji.

At first you didn’t even know how to kiss him back. It was too much, too bright, too hot - and then, you couldn’t stop kissing him. You anchored your hands on the back of his neck and held him against you, silently begging him to let you take all that you wanted from him.

You kissed him like you’d never get the chance to do this again, because you were sure you wouldn’t. This hardly felt real, let alone something that would ever happen more than once. So you savored it, you memorized this feeling so you could relive it in your dreams forever.

A whimper reverberated through your throat and against Keiji’s lips and the feeling made him kiss you deeper, like he was searching for a way to get you to make that noise again. As the kiss got deeper, a natural progression came over your position; before you could realize it, Keiji was on top of you and lying between your legs.

His touch was hotter than a flame and yet you couldn’t get enough of it. Every time his tongue brushed against yours, it took a part of you with it, and you were ready to give him all of you.

And then, he stopped kissing you.

He pulled back only slightly, and when you chased his lips he pulled back even more. You opened your eyes and stared up at him, at his blushed cheeks and pink lips and beautiful eyes. You could see the cogs in his mind turning and for a second it was like you were seeing a part of Keiji he’s never shown you before; the veil of his all knowing gaze was being dropped, only because he was letting it.

Because all this time, Keiji was hiding, too - hiding in plain sight. You always thought he treated you the way he treated everyone else, that he knew everything about everyone, but it wasn’t true. He only knew all of your secrets because he took the time to find them. He only saw you for who you really were because he cared enough to know. And, unlike you, he was a good actor; good at pretending you weren’t special; good at building walls that would stay up until he was ready for them to come down.

And with his next words, he made them shatter.

“I love you.”

You kept staring at him, trying to figure out if this nervous boy on top of you really was Keiji.

“Really?”

He nodded.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

You brushed his hair out of his face and rested your hand on his cheek, still completely in awe of him, and this was all too much for you to believe. “Is this a prank?”

He laughed at you, and his nerves seemed to melt away.

“Damn, you caught me.” His forehead fell to rest on yours, your noses brushed. “No, it’s not a prank. I love you.”

Somehow this intimacy felt all too foreign and way too familiar, all at once. It was overflowing, your heart was racing, it was hard to breathe, tears were falling from your eyes.

“Say it again,” you whispered, begging him to assure you of this - to make you believe it.

And he wiped your tears away as he told you, again, “I love you,” and the kiss he placed on your cheek seemed to make you weep even more. “And I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you replied immediately, “I love you, too - it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” It was obvious, now, that this had been bothering Keiji for longer than you could ever know. “I just… wasn’t ready. Especially with volleyball, and then moving, and then starting university, I just - I never had enough of me to give to you. And you deserve all of me, not just what’s left of me at the end of the day - I don’t know. I’m just… sorry.”

You didn’t know how to reply to that in a way that was good enough - all you could think to do was kiss him, because you finally could kiss him, so you did. And it was the same as your first: hot and sweet, familiar and foreign, intimate and overwhelming.

And the more you kissed him, the more it stirred something up inside of you. He wasn’t holding back - not after holding back for years - and it was like he was trying to get any reaction he could out of you. You hooked your legs around his waist and pulled him closer than he’s ever been, and the way it felt to have him pressed up against you sent chills across your burning skin.

You pulled back from the kiss just to take a breath. “Say it again,” you mumbled, because you weren’t tired of hearing those three words yet. A part of you still didn’t believe them.

Instead of saying them, though, he let his kisses trail down your jaw and onto your neck. You could feel the vibrations of his voice when he spoke, “Let me show you.”

And you knew what he meant, but you teased him anyway, “How do you want to do that?”

His hips seemed to move on their own free will, thrusting against you as if he couldn’t stop them. And it proved that he was just as in over his head as you were; you liked that. You liked knowing you weren’t the only one in a daze. You liked having this effect on Keiji.

“However you want,” he said through a dry throat. “We can do anything you want.”

“I just want you,” you told him honestly. You had no other choice anymore - the truth was all you had left.

“You have me,” he replied. “I’m yours - just let me show you.”

Your next kiss was interrupted by his shirt coming off, then yours. You felt his bare skin against yours and you were sure this was enough, that you were content with just this. This feeling was all that you needed.

“You’re pretty,” he whispered to you as his eyes scanned your bare body, and it left you shaking in anticipation as his lips made their way to your chest. “The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

Your eyes couldn’t leave his face as your fingers carded through his hair; you felt his hands travel the length of your body, and every kiss he left on your skin felt like it was touching your heart - all you could do was watch.

His hand moved lower, his fingers were teasing the edge of your shorts, but he hesitated to cross the barrier. You grabbed his wrist and pushed him across it, showing him that you couldn’t wait for this.

That’s all Keiji needed to understand how far you were willing to go with him. His skilled fingers worked against you, slipping into your underwear and touching you exactly where you needed them to, and it was better than anything you could ever dream.

And he did it like it was easy, like he’s spent years getting to know your body and he was doing what he knew would work. Like this was routine rather than your first time.

This sure as hell felt like it was your first time doing this; you had never felt so sensitive or open or vulnerable. But you had never been touched by a man you wanted so much; you never thought you’d feel his fingers spreading you open or see him on top of you - this is something you’ve only done in daydreams, and now it was real.

For the first time you were vulnerable and okay with it. You were letting him have all of you, and you trusted that he would treat you right. And he was. Maybe it was your love for him or the disbelief of the situation or both clouding your judgement, but you were convinced that his fingers felt better than your own.

“Is this okay?” he asked in a whisper, and you replied with a moan that you couldn’t hold in anymore. He laughed, “Does that mean yes?”

“Keiji, please don’t tease.”

“I’m not teasing yet,” he replied with a few kisses along your jaw. You felt his fingers moving more, moving toward going inside, but he hesitated. “Y/N…”

You were pulled out of your daze for just a second as you looked up at his furrowed brows and half lidded eyes; his face left you wondering what he was about to say next.

“I really like the sounds you’re making,” he said, “but if anyone hears we’ll never hear the end of it.”

You laughed, because you had completely forgotten that you and Keiji weren’t the only two people in the world - let alone this house.

“Right,” you breathed out.

“I’ll give you anything you ask for, but you…”

Two of his fingers slid into you, and you held back a gasp.

“...have to stay quiet. Can you do that for me?”

You nodded, trying your best to take deep breaths rather than let your voice out.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you replied, giving another nod.

“Good,” he said.

His fingers curled, and you covered your mouth with your palm.

“Stay quiet,” he said, even though it felt like he was doing everything he could so you’d do the opposite. His fingers curling into you were begging for a reaction, and it was hard not to give him one. “Fuck, you’re so hot.”

Keiji’s hips were moving again, thrusting against your leg like he just couldn’t help it. You wanted to give him more but you couldn’t - your hands were busy covering your mouth and holding onto the sheets for your life, and so all you could do was watch him grinding against you.

“You’re one to talk,” you replied, making him laugh.

Both of you looked down and watched; the curl of his fingers moved in time with his thrusts against you - every time they came forward, you felt his length sliding up your thigh. And when he pulled back, his fingers straightened out.

You’d give anything to have more. “Keiji,” you started, but you just couldn’t get the words out.

He said them for you as he pulled his fingers out, “Can I fuck you?”

You had no other answer besides, “Please,” and you were ready to beg for it if that’s what it came to.

He started to pull his boxers off, but again, he hesitated. The arm he was holding himself up with was trembling, his breathing was unsteady, his entire body seemed tense. Keiji was hanging on by a thread.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked.

You were taken aback. “Keiji…”

“We don’t have to do this now - is it too soon? Are you sure you want me?”

It was hard to listen to his voice when it sounded so honest.

Your hands took place on either side of his face, ensuring he would look at you while you spoke to him.

“Keiji… do you want this?”

“More than anything,” he replied.

“I can tell,” you joked, and he rolled his eyes at you. “I’ve wanted you for longer than I can remember - I don’t think it’s too soon. But we can wait if you want. There’s no pressure, okay?”

“I don’t,” he said. “I can’t wait - I’m so hard it fucking hurts - I just don’t want you to -”

“You think too much.”

He laughed. “I know.”

You let your hands travel down to his chest, hoping you got through to him. “Don’t overthink it. I want you to fuck me, Keiji,” and your hips thrusted against his as if to convince him of how badly you needed it. “Sooner rather than later.”

It seemed to be good enough, he seemed to believe you, because now he wasn’t hesitating to take off his shorts and yours. The view it gave you struck a burning desire like no other - now that you could see all of him, you couldn’t handle not having all of him.

And he was raring to give himself to you, coaxing his cock inside of you until you took it all, and both of you felt like you were about to explode.

“Oh, fuck,” he moaned, and the volume of his voice pulled you back down to the real world.

“Stay quiet,” you reminded him, giggling because the tables had turned on him.

“I know,” he said with a nod. “You just feel so good - you’re so fucking tight - I can’t believe this is happening - oh, fuck, it’s too much.”

“Move, Keiji,” you whined, bucking your hips up to try to feel anything, and he cursed under his breath when he pulled back to watch your desperate attempt at fucking yourself with his cock.

“You can do it,” he teased, pulling his hips back a little more so you had more room to move. “Keep going - fuck me like that, kitten, don’t stop.”

You were dying to feel him meeting your thrusts, because this wasn’t nearly enough, but you loved his teasing.

“That’s it,” he said, “that’s my girl. Taking me so well, fuck, you’re perfect.”

He couldn’t take it anymore, that was obvious as his thrusts started. He took a hold of your hips and held you in place so he could take you at his own pace, and he was everything you could ever need.

Your love for him was spilling from your lips and he was doing everything he could to keep you saying it, bringing you higher with every passing second. Feeling him between your thighs and inside your walls was intoxicating. It was everything you hoped it would be, simply because it was Keiji.

“I’m close,” you said as if he needed a warning - he could probably already tell.

“Quiet, kitten,” he said to you, bringing your lips up to his for a kiss. “These sounds are for me - don’t want anyone else hearing what’s mine. Be a good girl for me.”

“I’m trying,” you replied, and he cooed at your whining.

“I know,” he mumbled, and just by the sound of his voice you could tell he was liking this. And he was going to make it harder for you when his hand trailed down your body so his fingers could circle your clit.

He kissed you hard to stop any sound you were about to make and you were grateful for it.

“I want you to cum for me,” he said, “and I don’t want you to make a sound when you do.”

“Keiji -”

His hips and fingers sped up. “I’m serious. Come on, kitten, be my good girl - make me proud and stay quiet while you’re cumming all over my cock. You can do it, I know you can.”

Any trust he had in you staying quiet until the end was completely misplaced - you knew that when his hand clamped down over your mouth. You didn’t try to hold in your voice at all, and Keiji was having just as much trouble, burying his face into your neck to muffle his noises the best he could.

It didn’t matter if anyone else could hear you; to you, nothing else mattered but Keiji. He was the only other person in your world, the only person your body would ever scream so loudly for. As long as it was him bringing you to this euphoria, you didn’t care who else knew about it.

Let your friends give you hell for it, let Kuroo say I told you so - you’d deal with the embarrassment in the morning. That moment was worth it.

The soft kisses he was leaving on your neck in the wake of hitting your peaks helped you float back down easily. It was like being woken up from a dream, one where the only thing you could remember was how pleasant it was.

“You were not quiet,” Keiji laughed. You felt your cheeks swelling and heating up in embarrassment.

“I couldn’t help it…”

“It’s okay,” he replied. “You still made me proud.”

He lied next to you and pulled you close, and you convinced yourself that you were going to be there in his arms forever. If you were, you’d have no complaints.

A quiet moment passed, and you couldn’t stand the silence. “How was… that?”

He pulled back to look at you with wide eyes, as if he didn’t expect you to ask. “What do you mean?”

“Was it good? Did you like it? Was I -”

“It was perfect,” he said, biting his lip and looking up at the ceiling as if his high hadn’t completely worn off. “It was everything. Don’t get all shy and insecure on me now that you know I love you back.”

“Shut up,” you said with a laugh. “I’m just making sure.”

“Do you need me to prove it to you again?”

“Maybe.”

“I’ll make sure you stay quiet for me this time, then.”

Whether or not the two of you were successful in your attempts to keep the noise down was up for debate, but by the end of the night, neither of you cared.

And the next morning, when you forced yourself to leave Keiji and the warmth of the bed, you found Kuroo pacing outside of your door.

“Y/N.”

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry - I’m so sorry - what I said last night was way out of line, and I don’t expect you to forgive me for it -”

“It’s fine, Kuroo,” you said, because it was. If you were being honest, after the night you had with Keiji you had completely forgotten about what Kuroo said.

“It’s not fine,” he argued. “I shouldn’t have done that - you trusted me not to say anything about your feelings, and then I did. I fucked up - why aren’t you pissed right now?”

Before you could start to think of a reply, the door behind you opened. Keiji’s bed head popped out.

“Can you guys be quiet?”

“Sorry,” Kuroo immediately replied.

Then, Keiji turned to you. “Can you come back to bed? It’s cold.”

You nodded, and Keiji went back inside, and the moment you looked at Kuroo’s face, you knew he’d figured things out.

“Did you guys fuck?!”

You had no response. Keiji, however, called out a simple, “Yeah,” leaving you covering your face in embarrassment.

“Holy shit. I -”

You went back into your bedroom before he could even finish his words, slamming the door in his face so he couldn’t finish his boasting. But you heard him say, “You’re welcome!” before finally trodding off, and you shook off your embarrassment as best as you could.

The breakfast you needed minutes ago was long forgotten as you looked at the view in front of you of the boy who was yours. Keiji was waiting for you with sleepy eyes peeking up at you from soft sheets, a grin on his face, and his arms open.

He didn’t have to say a word - you were in those arms in seconds. Both of you released a sigh of relief; Keiji was warm again, and you were being held by him again.

“Finally.”

“I was gone for, like, two minutes, tops.”

“I don’t care,” he replied. “It was long enough that I got too cold without you here.”

You felt like you should have more to say, but you didn’t.

You’d spent years hoping for a moment like this. It was as soft and golden and happy as you’d ever dreamed, and moments like those didn’t need words. You knew how Keiji felt, and despite all your attempts at hiding, Keiji knew how you felt, too.

And in that moment, when the two of you were lying in the afterglow of intimacy from the night before, finally knowing is all that mattered.

tune in tomorrow for kinktober day 2: royal

#kinktober 2020 #not family friendly #akaashi keiji #Akaashi Keij #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader

3K notes · View notes

happyselves · 3 years

Text

Budapest { Lando Norris x reader one shot }

Breaking up sucks as it is, but to be dumped in an airport where you were going to a grand prix of formula 1 was worse … It was both of your dreams and he renounced it because of insecurities toward you. Admitting a “mistake” he had made with one of your commun friends, sleeping with her. You had to think fast in that airport, either you leave and go live one of your dreams or you step out of his place and go back home and cry for weeks. The answer was quickly found. You leave him and his baggage, not turning your back, deciding to not cry for the asshole you had spent so many time building a life he had destroyed in a snap of his fingers.

However the grand prix didn’t happen how you wanted it to. You had not really thought of him, too busy with the environment around you, sharing for your favorite drivers, freely wearing his merch that you had bought because you didn’t have any reason not to know that you didn’t have someone telling you off. Your now ex used to hate when you were showing your obsession and fascination toward the young driver that was Lando Norris. The dit driver had a great start but all his effort went in vain when the Mercedes driver hit the back of his car and ruined his race, forcing him to retire.

At first you didn’t know how to react, but when you saw him on the big screen in front of you, all the sadness and frustration and all the anger and hatred toward your ex boyfriend was transferred to this. You wanted to leave right away, but you stay, to support your team because Daniel Ricciardo was still in the race. You cheered as much as you could, exhausting yourself mentally and physically but it wasn’t enough and the number 3 car was too damaged to reach the point in the head. It was a shame, but that is the hard law of this sport. After this terrible race you had no heart in celebrating the win for Ocon even if you were extremely happy for him, so you went back to your hotel and went to bed.

The next day was quiet and you spent time in the city, you didn't feel great so you just walked through the city and visited stuff … alone. This time no crowd and loud car could distract you from your own thoughts. Your ex boyfriend was all you could think about now. The memories you had together, the dog, the apartment. By leaving and not facing it you were pushing the moment and you knew it will hurt even more next time you will have to face him.

It was the evening and it was getting cooler, you get your merch hoodie out of your bag and wear it. You find a nice spot on a bench in front of the river crossing the city and you put yourself in a cocoon, your legs closed to your chest and your head on your knees, hugging yourself for comfort as you watch the sunset. The tears came on their own, you were lost in your thoughts and you didn’t notice the man sitting next to you. You were so lost that you were now hearing Lando talking to you in your brain.

“You know it’s a pretty spot to watch the sunset, but not alone,” You puff a quick laugh, even your own mind was making stuff up and you didn’t know why, but you were ready to have a full conversation with yourself. At least your brain was nice enough to create someone that looked like your favorite driver. “ That’s funny, I’m that desperate that I’m talking to myself now, great, next stop the psy,” you weren’t waiting for any response, but you got one anyway. “ Well maybe your brain isn’t making this up ?” Another sound came out of you, were you ready to have a full argument with your own self. “ It wouldn’t be the first time I’m daydreaming about a handsome man talking to me out of nowhere, but I know my luck, why do you think I got dumped just before going on vacation ? I’m nothing … “ You were resigned, the tears kept falling and the pain kept coming. “ Well then he is an idiot, to let a beautiful woman, with great taste may I have, go. This man is obviously blind.” You had a great imagination to be able to hear Lando’s voice so clearly in your head that it felt like he was just next to you.

You turn your head toward what you thought the voice was coming from and there he was, sitting next to you, looking at you with fondness. Damn you really needed help if even your blurry eyes by the wet tears could recreate his whole body and face in front of you.

At any point you thought it might be true even if you were both in the same city, the odds were too big and he would probably be in his hotel room by now enjoying some games with his mates on his computer or watching netflix.

“ That’s not fair that you create this for me, I do not deserve to have such a beautiful daydream like this, seeing him this weekend from afar was one thing but to now trick me and build this masquerade in my mind to ease my pain, that’s really new brain.” You were feeling crazy and you were trying not to sound like one, you were talking to yourself and you were scared that others will think of you as someone with less sanitary than an average human being.

Yet, your fake Lando get closer to you and start touching your arm, you didn’t even flinch when you sense his touch, you know you wouldn’t be able to feel anything because if one thing you learn is that touching isn’t a sense the brain is capable of reproduction to the perfection in your brain when you are dreaming. Then why were you feeling it, why suddenly his touch felt so reassuring and real. You blind repeatedly trying to wake yourself from this sweet dream you were living because this couldn’t be real and it was starting to feel scary.

Lando didn’t move his arm from you even if you tried to gently push him away and put some distance back between you. You weren’t certain this wasn’t reality anymore because as you took his arm, you felt him, your grip on him was real. You lock your eyes on him, focusing on every detail of this creation in your own mind. You knew the shirt he was wearing and the shorts as well, you knew how he looks after running as well so that was a normal thing, but every little detail of him only a person being super close to him could imagine, that you had never experienced and yet here everything was here in front of you. He never felt so him and so real in the flesh. Your fingers found the scruff on his chin and felt the small hair tickling your palm.

That’s where you realise … Lando Norris was in front of you, in the flesh as real as you wear. You come back right back to your senses when you see the sunset and keep drawing beautiful colors in the sky. Lando was amused by the situation, you weren’t.

“ Oh sleeping beauty is coming back from the daydream ?” Somehow he arranges a lock of hair missing on your face, putting it behind your ear. You jerk at the touch now knowing that you were imagining things. You stand up quickly and try to avoid him, walking like a lunatic in front of the bench right to left. “ You know, you are the first fan I've met that acts like this, quite refreshing. “ You stop and track and look at him, really look at him.

“ How do you know I am a fan of yours ?” If this wasn’t the dumbest question you had ever asked, you didn’t know how to be more embarassing of yourself.

“ Well at first I wasn’t really sure, then I saw you on that bench, curl up in a small little ball wearing my hoodie merch, then you basically confirm it when you thought I was a pure product of your imagination,” You were hiding your face now, you bet your cheeks were red. You were mortified to ever have thought you were this desperate that your brain could be creating him, but even more when you knew he had to witness that.

“ I’m sincerely sorry, I ruined your evening run, “ You were apologizing to him, ready to take your bag and run away from this situation, to forget everything that happened. It wasn’t the best timing for you to meet one of your idols, that’s not how you had imagined things to go if one day you would have the courage to try and meet him.

As you tried to take your bag, he stopped you and took your arm. It was like the first, but this time all you could think about was the butterflies appearing in your stomach. Lando was the only person you could dump your boyfriend for … your ex-boyfriend. Before you had time to dive in your thoughts once more he spoke to you.

“ Please don’t go, I should be the one apologizing, I let you think you were insane because I was amused and you’ve made my day to be honest. I felt less alone. “ He was brutally honest suddenly and your heart shattered even more, making your recent break up put on the second plan, focusing on the man in front of you only.

It’s true that you didn’t notice at first, but he was looking tired, not only physically but mentaly. He brings you closer to him, silently asking you to sit where you were in the beginning.

You were both smiling to each other and without any of you being able to control it you end up talking a long time on that bench, not realising it was now dark. Only when Lando’s phone buzzed did you both realise that you had been exchanging your deepest secrets to each other, telling each other's life like you were best friends finding their way back to each other. You even forgot he was a famous racing driver at some point, not caring much because you were now truly seeing the man behind the helmet and you like him even more.

You sense a sort of sadness when he picks up his phone to respond to his manager. Of course they were worrying, he told them he was gone for half an hour, not three hours. You thought he would lie about where he was, being cheeky and keeping his privacy and you were ready to take that small hit behind your head that you bring you both back into your respective life, otherwise he surprised you once more by being honest and telling his manager the truth. He was smiling at you and his eyes were glued on your face with that same fondness you thought your brain had made up earlier. He hanged up and his body turn toward you.

“ So as you can guess I have to go, but I have the feeling that if I don’t ask to come with me, it would be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, so … “ He was scared to continue, evaluating the reaction on your face, but he must have seen something in you that confirmed something in him and made him continue, “ I’m not applying anything, it’s to talk obviously, but would you like to accompany me to my hotel and maybe see each other again ? I’m leaving wednesday night, of course you can refuse I wouldn’t take it bad”

Two choices were now in front of you and you could only choose one. The first one was obviously saying no and going back to England where you are from and facing the hard reality of your ex and the second one was to push your plane ticket to next wednesday and spend time with him. There was actually nothing to think about as you simply said yes to him and followed him to his hotel that night. You didn’t do anything, only talking and even meeting the whole team. You tried your best not to fangirl like a teenager but you couldn’t help yourself showing the admiration you had for everyone of them and they already knew with the hoodie you were wearing anyway. That night was one of the best in your life, you talk all night in his room and end up falling asleep on his chest. It is the first time since you’ve been alone that you finally find peace in your sleep and truly rest and somehow you felt it was the same for him. This is why he asks you to stick around with him, even for the Pirelli test. You were not only living your dream now, but you were living it with him and it was even better. You felt lucky and you were now wondering what would have happened if you had not gone to that place and kept those grand prix tickets. You could care less, Lando made you forget all the pain this ex of yours had afflicted you for the past week. You had fun and everyone was so welcoming and nice to you, explaining everything around the paddock, you even found yourself laughing with Daniel Ricciardo at some point during the day.

The looks you send to each other on the other hand were far from being only friendly, there were something more. Your body was acting on its own and he was so receptive to it. Everyone in the garage could sense something that both of you were ignoring, but they were polite enough not to make a word of it or tease the young driver for it. You were secretly thanking them to not make this moment awkward, you were already still thinking you were in a deep dream or coma, not wanting to wake up just yet.

The day went fast and ended up in a nice dinner in his room, still talking and joking. At some point it was the second night in a row you fell asleep on him, while watching something on tv. It really wasn’t your type to trust a stranger even if this one was famous and you “ knew him “. You didn’t want to live dangerously,but for sure that difficult time ahead of you was making you enjoy the best of life without thinking about the next day.

Lando was stroking you slowly as he was finishing the movie you were watching before you found Morphee, kissing your head before turning everything off and joining you in dreamland as well.

You were sure the people at your own hotel were wondering where you were,and when the next day you finally came back to it, Lando quickly behind you, you could swear you had seen a smirk flashing on the front desk woman’s face. You hadn’t expected the man next to you to find a way and arrange the plane ticket you had to take for going home, to be weirdly the same plane as him and the seat next to him. You both didn’t really want to come back to reality and go to your respecting mundane life just yet.

The last day was as good as the day before other than that bittersweet feeling you had depe down, not wanting to let this go just yet. You didn’t know how you could enjoy this little bit of life he had show you, you were already addicted to this lifestyle, to that travel, hotel and paddock life, this crazy life of him and most important you knew how fucked you were because you realise soon enough that you were already addicted to him quite simply.

Both of you were staying quiet about your soon departure from each other and until the last moment you didn’t aboard the subject, but every good dream had a end and it’s on that parking lot when you saw the whole team leaving one by one to find their car that you realise it was the end of his fairy tale. Lando had held your hand tight the whole time, you were ready to let it go and leave this mind forever when he decided otherwise and asked you where you were going tonight now that you weren’t with your boyfriend. You hadn’t thought of that of course you hadn’t, how can you think about this when this beautiful and genuine nice man in front of you had replaced as quickly as he came in your life all your thoughts. It’s like he knew right away and didn’t let you answer, your luggage was already in the lack of his car with him and you were both driving to his place. Every woman would be afraid, why weren’t you that was the question.

“ I’m not ready to let you go, I don’t want to, “ That what he said to you as he pull his car in front of his house before adding up, “ I don’t even think I will be able to let you go ever in the rest of my life, “ You didn’t know what to say to that, you were only focusing on him, only him and the only thing you could think about right now was the close that damn gap between you two and kiss him. So you did and it was even more beautiful that the fireworks on national day, the butterflies in your stomach were moving so much that you could feel yourself flying except you were still in this car with him, his hands in your hair, messing the already messy bun you had for travelling, savoring every bit of your lips for the first time, like it was the last. When you finally pull away from each other to catch your breath, your forehead finds him.

“ I’m not going anywhere. “

MASTERLIST

268 notes · View notes

adaodinson · 3 years

Text

Not enough

Finally got more inspiration to continue this story :) Hope you guys enjoy.

This story starts in The goblet of fire, but most of it takes place during The Order of the Phoenix.

In my story, Sirius will NOT die, I won´t do that to you or myself.

Summary: After a year of not seeing Sirius one would think things would be clearer for you two, right?

Warnings: Some angst, tons and tons of fluff, lots of crying, yelling, a bit of swearing, allusions to sexual matters but nothing explicit.

Relationship: Sirius Black x gn!reader

Part 2

One year. One whole year (a crazy one, of course) had passed and you still couldn´t get that man out of your head. Every single time Harry had come up to you your heart had skipped many beats, expecting any news from the boy´s godfather. You were immersed in your duties as teacher and counselor all day, but Harry had been your biggest concern during the year. He went to your office often to talk about Sirius. You knew better than to write him yourself. You knew his situation was difficult and didn´t want to make it worst. That and, you never really know what you would say. You had begun many letters but finished none. Words always fell short for your concerns, your happiness, your thoughts.

After he left with Buckbeak many things had happened. The next day was spent arguing nonstop. Fudge had arrived and you had never wanted to punch someone in the face so badly. Peter had escaped. How, you ask. That´s a great damned question. You were told he had been kissed. Nobody questioned it and nobody had wanted to see. He was a horrible person, but that particular “procedure” was something no one wanted to witness. Apparently, he had managed to turn into a rat and fled. Everyone was furious. You didn´t even know how you would tell Sirius.

Of course, this information was revealed the next morning because the idiot that was Fudge had decided it would be embarrassing to share it. The imbecil wasn´t planning on telling anyone. And on top of things, Peter´s existence hadn´t been enough for him to consider Sirius innocent. Sure, legally he had been relieved of his charges, but Fudge didn´t want to make a public statement about that, so even though he wasn´t a fugitive, people would always see him as a killer.

-LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOT. THAT MAN WENT TO HELL AND BACK AND YOU´RE TELLING ME YOU DON´T HAVE ONE BIT OF EMPATHY AS TO TRY TO MAKE THINGS A LITTLE BIT EASIER FOR HIM- You didn´t usually yell at people, but you had never gotten this mad.

That had been a year ago. Now, you were looking at broken, destroyed and traumatized Harry that was arguing with Fudge. Remus had stayed as the DADA teacher, Moody had been hired to keep guard around the school. But, obviously, because poor Harry´s luck couldn´t get any worst, you had just found out that that wasn´t Moody, that Voldemort was back and (this you already knew, but you confirmed it again) that Fudge was the biggest idiot you had ever met.

-How can you not believe me!?- Harry yelled with angry tears in his eyes- I SAW MY FRIEND DIE. I SAW VOLDEMORT RETURN. WHY WOULD I LIE?!- This was ridiculous.

You were currently sitting on the floor, holding the huge black dog in an attempt to keep him from murdering the minister. You hadn´t seen Sirius in a year, and this wasn´t the ideal reunion, but your heart couldn´t help but explode when you became aware that he was there.

Sirius was between raged and the happiest he had been in a whole year. You were there. The moment he first saw you, kneeling next to Harry´s bed in the infirmary, he ran (in his dog form) and tackled you. It was an impulse. The second he did it his mind was flooded with angry words at himself. But when he heard that beautiful laughter of yours, all his doubts vanished.

Right now he was planning how he would kill Fudge and make it look like an accident, but the moment he felt your arms around his neck, and he realized you were sitting next to him, his attention split into listening to the dumbass and keeping his heart from bursting.

Finally, it was Dumbledore, Molly, Ron, Hermione, Snape, Sirius, Remus, Harry and you who were left in the infirmary.

-Sirius, if you would be so kind as to go back to your human form- Dumbledore said. Sirius turned into himself and you felt your knees go weak, your cheeks blush and your heart beat faster. He was gorgeous, like, stupidly gorgeous. He must have noticed your reaction because he immediately winked at you. You swore you saw red cover his cheeks though. Merlin, you were doomed.

-AH NO SIRIUS BLACK- Molly yelled as she grabbed Ron and Hermione and hid them behind her.

-It´s okay, mom. He´s innocent- Ron said.

-He is indeed, Molly. Don´t worry- Dumbledore said and Molly finally relaxed- Now, I would like you two to make amends, or at least an agreement to not go against each other- He said, motioning Snape and Sirius. You held back a giggle. They shook hands very awkwardly but that was over with.

Dumbledore delivered tasks, which included you going with Sirius to do “what he knew he had to do”. As you were leaving, after saying your goodbyes, Dumbledore winked at you. HEY WAIT what in the world is that supposed to mean?! We’re you that obvious about your attraction? Who were you kidding, you most likely were.

Your mind was a rollercoaster of emotions. You were so angry and upset, you wanted to stay next to Harry, you wanted to rest, you wanted to kiss the hell out of Black, you wanted to talk to him and to sleep for three days.

The second the door closed behind the both of you, all your other emotions vanished, the only ones left being those that involved the beautiful man in front of you. He looked down at you and you both burst into laughter, that being the only way you could release some tension. You didn´t even know why you were laughing, and it was clear he didn´t either, but hearing his laughter, dear Merlin, that was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.

When you regained your composure, he turned back into a dog and you walked in a fun silence towards the doors of the castle. That took you a good hour with how big the place was. You used that time to think. To think about him, about yourself, about the both of you. Many things had happened, and the one thing they all had in common was that they were proof of how short and delicate life could be. You hadn´t written Sirius for many reasons, mainly for safety, but you were also terrified of what you felt for him. And, in all honesty, you had your doubts regarding what he felt for you. After all, he didn´t write you either.

You both used Harry to tell each other you were alright, but that was it.

Sirius felt the same, more or less. He was terrified of what he felt for you. He was scared of the way he seemed to lack words every time he thought of you. Almost as if not even his imagination was enough when it came to you. He could summarize it in: I only know they´re real because it would be impossible for my mind to create such a level of perfection. Yet, he was also scared of what you thought, mainly because he was sure you didn´t feel the same way. He was convinced he didn´t deserve you, that you could do so much better than him and that he would only make your life harder, but he also knew that in the remote chance that you did have feelings for him, it wouldn´t be up to him to decide what you do or do not deserve.

You were leaving Hogsmade. Sirius was guiding you to the cave where Buckbeak was hidden. The moment he knew nobody was around, he turned back into a human. That´s when all your thoughts burst. You thought about it for a second and it only made sense. You would do this for yourself, but also for him. You tapped his shoulder without saying a word. He turned to look at you with that beautiful smile of his. You grabbed his shoulders to keep him from walking. He stopped and his expression turned into a curious one. You looked at him with adoration, you were making the effort in doing so. You wanted your eyes, your face to express all the things you didn´t know how to say.

Slowly, you leaned closer to him. He sighed the moment he understood what you were doing. You gave him a few seconds to move if he wanted to, but he didn´t. He nodded and you took that as your que. You threw yourself into his arms and held his neck. His hands went to your waist. You kissed him. He kissed you back. Neither of you had ever felt so alive, so loved. All his doubts started leaving his mind, he could feel the intention in your lips, the eagerness in your tongue. You felt his passion, his longing for love and you were more than happy to be the one to give it to him.

All the stress, the anger, they all left you. You had found him, the one for you. The moment you split (you know, for air) you stared into each other´s eyes, in a mutual understanding that words weren´t enough to describe what you felt. That moment flew by, but it stayed on your mind till the day you died.

You were now in Grimmuald Place. Apparently, Sirius´ job was to clean that horrifying house. You wanted to yell at Dumbledore. Couldn´t the most powerful wizard of your time find another place that wasn´t the base of Sirius´ traumas? You knew Sirius wanted to help with something, but he looked miserable the moment he set foot inside that place. You two had spent days cleaning the bedrooms, given that many members of the Order (and their children) would be staying there during the summer.

You hadn´t had time to have a conversation about the kiss and what it meant. You loved the mutual agreement that it had been beautiful, but you didn´t want to leave it in an unspoken thing. Sirius felt the same way, of course. He didn´t want you to think the kiss had meant nothing to him, but he was going insane.

When your alone days ended it seemed like everyone had agreed to not let you and Sirius get a moment alone. You both tried, all the time, to get together and talk, but either you had to go out on a mission, or you both needed to clean or get rid of a plague, or you were needed in Hogwarts to start planning the next school year.

He was always worried and tried to get news from Harry. He raged every time he saw Dumbledore for not letting Harry stay with him and he wanted to be as useful as he could. He felt more than guilty for the time he spent not doing anything.

This was ridiculous, of course. You had tried to get him to relax at least a little bit but failed. You even suggested to Molly, Remus and Dumbledore that you could dye bits of his hair as a dog so that it would be harder to recognize him, but they didn´t like the idea. You didn´t tell Sirius about this idea though, because you knew he would ask you to do it without thinking.

You didn´t blame him. Not one bit, not for wanting Harry around, not for wanting to tell his godson everything, not for wanting to be outside all the time. Honestly, you felt really bad for him, but admired him like crazy at the same time. He could pity himself and use his years of imprisonment as an excuse to not do anything, he could walk away from everything, but it was more than clear that those thoughts had never even crossed his mind.

It was when, after having an argument with Dumbledore and Molly about what Harry should be told, Sirius punched a hole in the wall and you decided enough was enough.

-Hey! You, macho, get over here! What the hell was that?! Punching walls?! Who are you and what did you do with the Sirius that has no toxic masculinity?!- You knew it had been his moment of bursting, of releasing everything that was inside him, but that was so out of character for him that you felt you had been slapped in realization. He´s not okay, not at all and he needs help, whether he wants it or not.

He looked embarrassed. He knew it was stupid and toxic to punch walls. He wanted to cry. He was disappointing you. You probably hated him now, you probably thought he had used you and didn´t care about the kiss, you probably thought he was an idiot, you probably thought…

But his thoughts were interrupted when you threw your arms around him and cradled his head. You gently moved your fingers through his hair and let him melt into your embrace. Once again he was reminded of your ability to surprise him when he was feeling insecure. He buried his face in your neck and started to relax.

-Black! There´s a…- Moody began but you didn´t let him.

-NO I´m gonna take him upstairs, he´s going to relax! No one gets to ask anything from him in the next three days HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?!-

Everyone had terrified looks that made Sirius giggle. They all nodded. You had always been firm when giving your opinions and taking or giving orders, but they had never seen you like that.

-Good!- You said and led Sirius up to his room.

-You´re amazing, you know that?- He said with loving eyes.

-Of course I know that- you answered with a wink. You took your time giving him a massage, then he took a bath. When he was done you motioned for him to sit in front of you.

-We need to talk- You said.

-We do- He answered.

-I just want you to know-

-I have to tell you- You both talked at the same time. He asked you to speak first.

-Listen, there are many things that I want to tell you. First of all, I understand you want to do everything, I won´t pretend I can even imagine what you went through in Azkaban, but I´m here for you. I can see you crumbling and I feel so helpless because I don´t know what to do. I know we need to focus on the war and on Harry and the kids, but I believe we all deserve to think of ourselves as well. Molly is going mad, Arthur is too, poor Harry is clueless and I… I feel like I could be doing so much more, but I also want you, I want to be with you. I know it´s selfish and probably stupid but since the moment I met you you made me feel alive. That kiss meant everything to me and we haven´t even had the chance to repeat it. I´m in love with you, I wish we had all the time in the world so that I could hear you talk for hours about anything you want to tell me, we could do tons of things together, we could live happily and spend entire days locked up in your bedroom… But I don´t know if we will have that, so if you love me too, I want us to use all the time we can to be together. I want to brag that you´re mine, I want to do this with you- You finished with tears all over your face. You didn´t even realize you were holding Sirius´ hands in yours.

-My turn- he said happily but with tears in his eyes as well- I feel like I´m falling apart. I´ve felt like that since the moment I stepped foot in Azkaban. In fact, I don´t think I´ve stopped feeling that way, except for when I met you, except for when I see you, when I think of you. Everyday I feel like crying and giving up, but the mere thought of you keeps me standing. I hate that we haven´t had time, I hate that I haven´t been able to tell you everything I want to tell you. Even now that I´m getting the chance I´m sure I won´t have the words to express everything I feel for you. It´s so new and so amazing how I always lack words, I never really know what to say, but I know that doesn´t matter, because everytime I feel insecure you always manage to surprise me. You make me feel worthy of love, of a life, of happiness. I thought I would never feel that way again. But I have to , because I can´t conceive my life without you, and I can´t conceive a life with you in which I´m not happy. I love you, and I too want to spend every second I can by your side, till the day I die-.

You were both crying your eyes out. You really needed a good cry, so that´s what you did. You held each other in between kisses and giggles, tears and gasps.

Things were heating up. Merlin, they were escalating. But damn it they had to interrupt again. You heard a loud sob coming from the other side of the door, followed by a bunch of shooshing. You would have gotten mad, you would have yelled at whoever was behind the door until they cried, but the image that was in front of you when you opened the door was… you couldn´t even describe it.

Moody was crying. But crying as in red face, boogers, swollen eyes and gasps. He was hugging Ron, who was also crying (you had never seen Ron cry, or Moody for that matter, or Ron being hugged by Moody), and he was being shooshed by Molly and Hermione, who were also crying.

-Seriously?- You said with a face palm. Sirius burst into laughter behind you and you followed.

-That was bloody beautiful- Moody said as he slapped Sirius´ back. He seemed to use a lot of strength because Sirius looked like someone had thrown a chair to his back.

-I will hex anyone who doesn´t give you two your time alone- That was ironic, given that he was not only the one who delivered your missions, but also the one who sobbed so hard it interrupted you.

-Thank you, Alastor, we appreciate that- you said trying to hold back laughter.

-Harry is going to be over the moon- Ron said while he sniffled.

-You really think so?- You hadn´t thought about what Harry would say about you being with Sirius.

-Of course, he loves you. He will be the happiest- Ron said with a confident smile.

-Not the happiest, that would be me- Sirius said as he put his hand on the small of your back. A shiver ran through your body and you had to hold a giggle that tried to escape your lips. Merlin, you felt like a bloody teenager with this man.

-How about: us?- You said with a playful smile.

-Mmmmm I like the sound of that- Sirius answered while staring at your lips.

-Well, we won´t take any more time from you- Molly said as she hurried everyone to go to the kitchen with her.

-Should we go on with where left off, darling?- You asked.

-After you, madam- Sirius answered as he slapped your ass. You turned and slapped his in return. You both ran inside his room while giggling, like two bloody teenagers indeed. Two very happy teenagers.

#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black fanfiction #sirius orion black #harry potter #no toxic masculinity in sight #I adore this man #jesus shit bernie

41 notes · View notes

agent-whiskeys-sweetheart · 3 years

Text

Meant To Be (iii)

Pairing: Hotch x F!Reader

Summary: After meeting Garcia you make quick work of helping with the case, desperate to prove yourself to Hotch. Once the two of you help the team wrap everything up it’s time for them to return home. Which also means it’s time for you and Hotch to talk. One on one.

Warnings: Nothing in this chapter.

Word Count: 5,288

A/N: I wanna say I’m super happy you guys are enjoying this series cause honestly I’m having a lot of fun writing it! I love you all dearly. (If you’re just now finding this series, that’s perfectly alright! I’m glad you’re here! Feel free to catch up and enjoy the rest of the story. Here’s a link to Part 1 and Part 2 of Meant To Be.)

The elevator ride to the bottom floor of the building was quick, allowing you to make your way to Garcia’s office in a matter of minutes. There was a plaque up next to the door, indicating that you were in the right place. Taking a moment to steady yourself you exhale before knocking on the door. A voice on the other side tells you to come in so you do. Around you are dozens of impressive looking monitors, all of which are doing something different. On top of the long L-shaped desk there were several small trinkets and toys, bringing a sort of life into the dark room. The woman sitting in front of you spins around in her chair to look at you, a quick flash of confusion on her face. She looks extremely kind and everything about her appearance makes you want to smile.

“Hello. My name is Y/N L/N. Are you Penelope Garcia?”

“Yes, I am. What can I do for you?” Once you’re sure you’re in the right place you step forward to shake her hand. She stands so that you are both on the same level now, shifting awkwardly.

“Sorry to barge in like this. Everything has gone pretty fast this morning. I’m a new agent for the BAU. Today is my first day. The rest of the team just left on a case and SSA Hotchner asked me to stay behind and help from here.” Her face lights up with a bright smile.

“Oh, that’s awesome! It’s really nice to meet you! Please come in, sit down. Make yourself comfortable.” With this, she pulls another chair up to the desk and then sits back down in her own. “I didn’t actually know we had any new agents joining us. That being said, welcome! I’m almost always here by myself so the company will be nice. You and I can get to know each other.” You nod with a smile, watching her as she continues what she was doing. There are several different tabs open across the screens with loads of information that she seems to be compiling. When she sees your incredulous face she laughs.

“I know, it’s a lot. I’m just trying to get as much preliminary information as I can to send to the team. That’s what you’ll be helping me with. We collect research, data, important records. Anything they need to find out, we provide. Kind of cool, right?” Remaining silent, you nod. Upon seeing this, Garcia stops typing for a moment. “I know it may not seem as exciting as field work but it’s still very important. Don’t worry, I’ll make it fun. I promise you won’t be bored.” Patting your knee, she continues typing and you watch carefully now. This is where you will be until the case is over so you intend to make the absolute best of it. Everyone on the team has their own special skills and now is the time to learn from Garcia.

“So what exactly are you looking for right now?”

“I am compiling a list of the victim’s friends and family, plus witnesses from the robberies who might be able to give us any information. This will give the others a clear list of where to go first. I’m also seeing what I can find about the people who were at the banks on the days of the robberies in case there’s anything useful they need to know. Financial troubles, criminal records, anything to possibly link the witnesses to one another.” Scooting your chair forward so you can see better, you lean an elbow on the desk.

“What can I help with?” You ask hopefully.

“Oh, I think that was the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t even count on one hand how many times I’ve had someone down here and all they do is sit and look over my shoulder. Sorry, rambling. I can get you logged into a monitor here and it looks like the next thing on my list was looking into the victim’s workplace. Sound good?”

“Yes, absolutely.” She moves over quickly and gets a separate monitor opened so you can begin researching.

“We’ll probably do what research we can in the next twenty to thirty minutes and then we’ll call the team to tell them what we’ve found out.” With that, you make quick work of doing everything you can in the time you have. Even if it is the last thing you ever do, you will prove to Aaron Hotchner just how valuable a team member you are.

++++++++++

The jet takes off fairly soon once the team is onboard. They all stow their go-bags and begin settling in for the flight. It is going to be a longer one today so they are all preparing themselves for the journey. Aaron finds a seat near a far window where he sets the case file down in front of himself and begins reading. His mind is swimming with thoughts and he will do anything to quiet them. The scene plays out over and over in his head, the memory still painfully fresh. Why had he said those things? He was unnecessarily harsh and he is fully aware of this. Now the first memory you’ll have of starting your dream job will be your new boss treating you appallingly. What had even compelled him to speak to you that way? Seeing you had overwhelmed him. The way you looked when you came into his office for the first time. The way your hair framed your face, the light hopefulness in your eyes, the way you captivated him with your movements. Standing there, just feet away from him, you had looked just as beautiful as the first day he met you. God, why did he lie like that? How could he have said he didn’t recognize you when you had stayed in his thoughts more times than he would like to admit over the past year? All the emotions he felt at the mere thought of you made him nauseous and he had no way of understanding them. As badly as he felt for it, he knew that for the time being it would be best to let you work from the BAU headquarters.

“Hotch, are you okay?” JJ’s voice brings him quickly back to reality. The fact that she could see how deeply in thought he was makes him feel an odd sense of shame and he straightens in his seat.

“Of course, I’m fine.” With this, she goes back to her own seat. With a huff of exhaustion, Hotch continues reading. The cabin is silent for a time as the other team members sit reading their case files.

“So,” Morgan’s voice breaks the quiet. “What do we think of Y/N?” The mention of your name causes Hotch to perk up against his will.

“Well, I like her.” Emily is the first to chime in. “I know you guys all got to meet her before me but there’s just something about her. An inherent sweetness. I’m really excited to work with her.”

“Me, too,” JJ says next. “I thought she was kind and open. In this job, that kind of personality is hard to find. I just hope the things she sees doesn’t cause her to lose that. The world needs more kind people, not less. She seems tough though. I think she can handle it.”

“I totally agree,” Morgan adds, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. “She’s got a little bit of fierceness in her but I like that. You’ve gotta be tough to do this job but she’s also sweet. That’s important too. Plus, that kid’s got the cutest smile. Kind of reminds me of my sisters.” At the mention of your smile, Hotch closes his eyes briefly trying to picture that smile directed at him. He quickly catches himself and looks back down at the file.

“Well, I can’t say I know her that well yet but she seems intelligent. She certainly has eagerness to learn. I think that will help her be successful. It’s very ... refreshing.” Spencer says with a small smile.

“I agree. Right off the bat she’s got a very likable energy,” Rossi begins letting himself trail off for a moment. “Although, I have to say there is something about her that is so familiar. I can’t quite place how I might know her though. Her name too, I recognize it. For a second I thought she recognized me too but I can’t be sure.” The rest of the team watches him for a moment as he tries to recollect how he knows you but he quickly comes up blank. “I’m sure I’ll think of it eventually. Nevertheless she seems like a good kid. I’m excited to see her at work. Just a shame we’ll all have to wait.”

Hearing this Aaron shifts in his seat, knowing that the comment is directed at him since he was the one that made you stay behind. He is suddenly very aware of the other team members looking at him.

“Yeah, Hotch. Why isn’t she here? I thought for sure you’d wanna see what she can do.” Derek locks eyes with Aaron, causing him to debate how to answer the question. All his life Hotch has worked to control his feelings and the way that they manifest so his face remains expressionless as he thinks for a short second.

“I think that for right now her time would be better spent helping Garcia and getting used to her new environment. I agree that she does seem very intelligent and more than capable. I would just like to speak with her one on one first before thrusting her into the high intensity atmosphere that comes with our line of work.” However, this answer doesn’t seem to satisfy Morgan’s curiosity.

“She told me when she came out of your office that you said you didn’t remember her. Is that true?” This continued line of questioning makes his blood begin to boil. Aaron Hotchner of all people knows that lies are what cause the foundations of trust to crumble. If he can’t be honest with himself, how can he expect to be honest with his team? And yet, he finds himself unable to expose his own misdeed.

“Yes, that is correct. We’ve had a lot of cases come and go in the last few years and no one should be expected to remember every interaction they have in that length of time. According to her it was only one day and it was a long time ago at that. I apologized to her and she understood. That is the end of it.”

“Look, I’m not passing judgement Hotch. I’m just saying I can understand why she was so hurt,” Hearing this causes his heart to clench. “She looks up to you. She didn’t even have to tell me that, I could just see it. You mentored her in a time that was very uncertain, when she had a lot to prove. She still has a lot to prove and I’m sure she thought that you would have her back and the first thing you tell her is that you don’t even remember who she is? I get it man, you’re under a lot of stress right now but she’s a part of your team. I just thought you of all people would be a little more sensitive than that.”

His words cut right through Aaron’s heart like a knife but before he has a chance to say anything the laptop screen in the center of the cabin lights up, revealing you and Garcia. Glad for a break from the tension the rest of the team members look toward the screen. With one last glance at Morgan, Hotch leans towards him. “We will discuss this later.” His voice is firm and dangerous but he pulls away to look at the laptop. “What did you find?” He directs at the two of you.

Seeing him causes you to straighten in your seat as you ready yourself to put on your most professional face. Garcia begins telling everyone what she was able to find out about the victim. She has significantly more information than you do but once she’s done she allows you to share what you found. The victim worked at a local grocery store but he had been previously employed at the bank where the robbery took place. The team begin building a rough profile based on the information. You listen closely to their analysis of the unsubs, making mental notes on what you might add to the profile. Before you have a chance to add anything, Hotch thanks the two of you for your work and hangs up. For a moment, you could swear you saw a hint of sadness when he looked at you but you were sure it was just a glitch on the screen.

“Sorry sweetpea. I could totally tell you wanted to add something. They can be pretty abrupt like that sometimes.” You simply give a small shrug. “Well, why don’t you tell me what it was? It’ll give you a little practice for building profiles.” She scoots to the edge of her chair, looking at you intently to which you give a small laugh.

“Well, as we know all of the unsubs are large burly men. The five of them could easily subdue the few weaker people that were present at each of the robberies and yet they chose to bring guns. I believe this shows that they feel a certain sense of inadequacy in their everyday lives. Despite their masculine appearance I would suspect they all have mediocre jobs where they are looked down upon or treated poorly. It’s possible that they all work at the same place but I would imagine they probably met somewhere else. Maybe a support group of some sort. The use of weapons gives them a sense of power over the victims that helps them live out their mass fantasy. The victim of the last crime scene was shot in the head which indicates some personal relationship between him and the unsub who pulled the trigger. That could be a good place to start.”

“Well, it definitely makes sense to me. Maybe we can start looking in to possible support groups for these type of men. Oh, and anyone that might possibly have had reason to kill our victim.” Garcia immediately begins typing and you scoot closer to her side.

“Shouldn’t we wait for the order from Hotch?” She laughs at this.

“Trust me, sweetheart. At the end of the day he’s gonna thank us for the head start. One thing to know about the boss man. He likes to see initiative but he also wants you to follow his exact orders. It’s a fine balance but once you figure out how to work the line, he’s gonna love you for it.” The thought of Hotch loving you for anything at all in the world makes your heart flutter. Almost instantly you stop that train of thought and berate yourself for even entertaining it.

“Well, I guess we better get started then.” The rest of the day goes smoothly. You and Garcia coordinate everything beautifully, finding a good amount of information that you save to send to Hotch at the most convenient time. The day seems to be over almost as quickly as it began and you thank Garcia before heading out to your car. The drive home seems to be much more monotonous than before. It seems like you’re back inside your apartment and stretched out on the couch before you can hardly blink. Rolling over, you reach for your phone which you had thrown on the coffee table. With a groan, you begin dialing your sister’s number. As much as today sucked there was no one in the world you’d rather vent to than your sister.

“Well hey there babe. I’ve been patiently awaiting your call. Give me just a minute to get sat down. I want to hear every last detail.” There are sounds of shuffling on the other side of the phone as she finds a seat. “Okay, I’m all good. Now, tell me about your first day at the BAU! Was it everything you dreamed it would be?”

“Yeah, not exactly,” You laugh. “It was kind of rough to be honest.” There is a moment of silence as you think how to begin.

“Okay. Start at the beginning, walk me through it.”

“Alright. Well, I got inside and I was honestly just in awe of being there, just getting to stand in that room. It felt like I was invincible. Derek Morgan was the first one to talk to me. He was just as charming as I remembered. Anyway, he introduced me to the rest of the team and we got to talk for a bit which was really nice, you know? From the get go I really felt like part of the team.”

“Now you know I hate to interrupt but all of this sounds great!”

“Yeah, well, that was the best part of the day and it didn’t last very long. After I met everyone I went up to Aaron Hotchner’s office to give him my paperwork. I’m sure you know by now that I was pretty excited to see him again, right? Well, when I told him how excited I was to be working with him again he told me that he didn’t actually know who I was. He completely forgot about me. I mean, I guess I get it. It’s been a year and a half and he meets a lot of people. Why would he remember me specifically?”

“Y/N, don’t invalidate your own feelings. What he said upset you and it’s okay to be hurt. That would have hurt my feelings too. You’re a really great person and he sucks for not thinking about you ever since he met you.” Hearing this, you can’t help but laugh a bit. Her ability to defend you no matter what always cheers you up.

“Thank you. I appreciate that. I just wish he thought the same. Anyway, I gave him my paperwork so I could travel with the team. They got a case this morning and I was planning to go with them but for some reason Hotch made me stay behind even though I am cleared to be in the field. It just really bummed me out because I was super ready to get out there and start working but I got benched for my very first case. He had me stay with this girl named Garcia, she’s the team’s technical analyst. I mean, she’s really sweet and we worked super well together but I just wish I could have been out there doing the things that I spent seven years of my life training for.”

“I am so sorry. That sucks. I know how excited you were. Look at the bright side, this is only your first case. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to get out there and prove yourself. It’s all gonna work out.” Unable to keep from smiling, you roll over on your side.

“Thanks. I really hope you’re right.” Sensing the fact that you’re still upset she decides to help by changing the subject.

“So, who all did you meet today? I know you already knew a few of the team members but was there anybody new?”

“Yeah, Elle and Gideon are no longer there. I’m really sad I missed getting to work with them but the people I met seem really amazing. The first girl I met was named Emily Prentiss. She was really nice. The other was a guy named David Rossi.” When you finish your sentence there is nothing but silence on the other end of the phone. You wait a minute for your sister’s response but there is nothing. Before you can ask what’s wrong she chimes in again.

“Did you say David Rossi?” There is a tone in her voice that you don’t recognize and it causes concern to stir in your stomach.

“Yeah, why? What’s up?” There is another moment of silence.

“It’s -- it’s nothing. I shouldn’t bring it up. You’ve already had a rough day.” As if she can sense your anxiety she continues. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I promise I’ll tell you later, okay? I just don’t think we should talk about it right now, that’s all.” As much as you want to pry you can tell that no matter how much you ask, you’re not getting the answer out of her. With a sense of unease you agree and try changing the conversation again. Once you’ve changed the topic to something other than work you can feel her ease again and the two of you talk for nearly 45 minutes. After a while you decide to call it a night and shortly afterwards you find yourself in bed. You hadn’t even realized how exhausted you were until your head hit the pillow. Your sleep is dreamless which you decide in the morning is probably a good thing.

++++++++++

The remainder of the case is spent hunkered down in Garcia’s office either doing frantic research or simply getting to know one another. In just a short while the two of you become very fast friends. You realize quickly that you share a lot of common interests and all of your conversations are endlessly fascinating. It also doesn’t take you very long to realize that you actually enjoy the work that you do with her. There is quite a bit of skill required to dig as deeply and accurately as the two of you do. It is a race against the clock to find everything you need in order to help the team and there is a certain level of excitement that comes with that. Of course you still wish you were out in the field but in the end you learn a lot and make a good friend along the way. The case ends rather succinctly with all five unsubs found and arrested with no more casualties along the way. It’s a good feeling, knowing that you helped to catch the bad guys and no one had to die for you to do so. The day the team is set to return you and Garcia head out for coffee before they show up, figuring that you deserve a little treat after all of your hard work. You make light conversation as you make your way back into the building just in time for the team to arrive. You watch them each make their way to their desks, setting down their bags and taking a moment to rest. Of course the last one to walk in is Hotch who heads straight up to his office, shutting the door behind him.

When you feel like it’s an appropriate time you make your way over to Morgan’s desk. Upon seeing you his lips crack into a wide smile.

“Well hey sweetheart! I have to say, you did awesome work on this case.” As he says this, he extends his hand for a high five which you quickly grant him. “I know it wasn’t easy having to sit out but you did great. I’m proud of you.” It takes everything in you not to blush.

“Thanks. I learned a lot and I made a good friend along the way.”

“Yeah, Garcia’s pretty great isn’t she?” He says with a knowing smile.

“She definitely is. She talks about you a lot, you know.”

“Oh, I know. Baby girl just can’t stop thinking about me. Not that I blame her, of course.” At this you lightly punch his arm.

“You are both such teases.” This makes Morgan laugh.

“We gotta keep things interesting.” He leans forward as though he’s about to start his paperwork but he quickly leans back to look at you. “Hey, now that I’m back we gotta go out for drinks tonight. Everyone else is already game so long as you are.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You confirm with a grin.

“Great. You know, I’d say I’m buying but I kind of feel like you owe me.” Your brow furrows in confusion.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, I was trying to get some answers for you so I asked Hotch why he wouldn’t let you on the case and he royally chewed me out for it. In his defense I probably shouldn’t have asked in front of the rest of the team but that decision still just doesn’t sit right with me.” Morgan’s words mingle in your head. It doesn’t sit right with you either but it isn’t really your place to question your boss’ orders.

“I’m sorry he got upset with you. I do appreciate you defending me though. You’re my knight in shining denim.”

“Anytime kid. I’m happy to help.” Getting to talk to Morgan has almost instantly lifted your spirits. However, it doesn’t take long for your heart to drop into your stomach.

“Agent L/N. May I speak to you in my office please?” You hadn’t even noticed that Hotch had come out of his office until his voice drew your attention to him. With a quick look at Morgan, who gives you a reassuring glance, you push yourself off his desk and make your way over to where Hotch is standing. Once you’re at his side he extends a hand, allowing you to step inside first. He follows quickly, shutting the door behind him. “Please, have a seat.” He says, gesturing towards a leather couch on the far wall. As you begin to sit on one end he takes up residence on the other, his knee just inches away from yours. Once you’re both settled he focuses all of his attention on you. He doesn’t seem angry but you aren’t holding your breath. It’s best to just stay professional and speak with him earnestly.

“I’m glad to see you all back safely sir.” You begin. After the stress of the case, you want to make sure he knows that as hurt as you were by his previous decision you harbor no ill will towards him.

“Thank you. It’s not very often that cases end as well as this one did. You understand that, don’t you? This was a special circumstance.”

“Yes, I realize that. I’m just grateful that it did end happily even if it was just this once.” There is an intensity in the way he watches you.

“Good. I just want to make sure you fully know what to expect.”

“I do sir. I did the day that I applied for school. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Staying silent for a moment he nods as if in thought.

“I know before I left I said we would be able to talk. I’d like to learn a little bit more about you and from there I’ll be able to evaluate your abilities before taking you into the field. I know it wasn’t the decision you were hoping for but I hope you understand it nonetheless.”

“Of course. It’s not my place to question you and in the end I learned a lot from Garcia. Plus she was nice to work with.”

“Good. I’m very glad to hear that you were able to make the most of the situation.” He stops for a moment, his gaze relaxing. “I wanted to tell you how well you did on this case. A challenge was presented to you and you handled it with grace. The information you provided was incredibly helpful and your suggestions were very well thought out. I was very impressed.” The softness in his eyes as he praises you leaves a fluttering sensation in your stomach. Throughout the entirety of the case you had been so hell bent on proving yourself to him and hearing him say that you had done well made every hour of hard work worth it. As much as your heart is singing you have to remind yourself to be calm. Even though he is being kind to you now, he had made his feelings known to you during your first meeting. There is no reason to read into things. Clearly he doesn’t feel what you feel.

“Thank you sir. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed when I was left behind but I realized that I’m grateful to be here no matter what. I worked really hard to get here, to be doing this kind of work, and not everyone gets the chance to do what they’re truly meant to be doing. As heartbreaking as the outcome of this job usually is, I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.” With every word the two of you are locked into one another’s eyes. For a moment you can almost swear he is holding his breath.

“I appreciate that sense of purpose. I will always support my team but it makes it easier with members who are invested.”

“I am. Completely. I’m here. I know you haven’t gotten a real chance to see me work but please know that my heart is in this.”

“That was never in question,” Hotch pauses, letting his eyes fall to his lap as he considers his next sentence. “I believe now that I made a rash decision in asking you to stay behind. I can see that you are mentally prepared to be in the field. I apologize for my harsh words. I of course can’t say anything for your physical performance yet but I won’t be able to evaluate the full extent of your abilities until I am able to watch you in the field. On the next case I would like you to join the rest of the team.” A breath of relief leaves your lips.

“Of course. I’m ready to get to work.”

“I know. You’ll have the chance soon enough. In the meantime, if you have any questions or concerns feel free to come speak with me.”

“Thank you sir.” Hotch simply nods in response, beginning to stand. You follow his actions, gathering that he is done with the conversation. As you make your way to the door, feeling much lighter than when you came in, he stops you.

“Agent L/N,” The sound of his voice causes you to turn back. “I just wanted to say again that I’m sorry for not remembering you. I never meant to hurt you. It isn’t that you were forgettable. It’s just that a lot has happened in the last year.” This apology seems much more heartfelt than before and you try to hide a smile.

“I forgive you, sir.” With that you take your leave, making your way right back to Morgan’s desk. The shift in your mood must be palpable because he looks up at you with a smile.

“That’s not the face of someone that just got yelled at by Hotch.”

“No, no he didn’t yell at me. He was just telling me I did a good job and he cleared me to work in the field on the next case.”

“Good for you, kid. I’m glad we’re finally gonna get a chance to see what you can really do,” Nodding you rest against the edge of his desk again. “Now, see? That wasn’t too bad was it?” Looking back towards Hotch’s office you can see him bent over his desk, filling out paperwork. Being able to watch him for a moment without fear of falling apart allows you to crack a small smile.

“No. I guess it wasn’t.”

Tags: @talesfromtheguild @lannister-slings-and-arrows @gryffindorwriter @nopeforyou @sheerfreesia007 @roxypeanut @ohpedromypedro @ssahotchie @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @readsalot73 @the-mechanical-angel @races-erster @maxlordd @pascalisthepunkest @paintballkid711 @hotchafterhours @h0tchner @ssahotchswife @ssahotchhner @technotic-prophecy @klinenovakwinchester @hotch-stufff @annadorothxa @canadailluminate @yoshigguk @gothicxbarbie @romanogersendgame

172 notes · View notes