#i tried to break it up into easier to read sections sorry to everyone who has to scroll past it 😭

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

id be so interested in learning abt ur hlvrai2 idea...

ough ok sorry i’m about to brain dump my unformulated unorganized ideas all over this post (tysm for the ask btw). i don’t expect anyone to read all this, but it’s nice to actually write all the ideas down. WARNING long ass post under cut 👇

so like as i rambled about in this post, essentially the science team is stuck in an endlessly looping simulation that was made as an early test of black mesa’s virtual reality/ai tech. it’s built a lot like a game because that format makes it easier to run tests over and over.

anyways, hlvrai happens, they beat benrey, they go to chuck e cheese. but the party is also a cover for gman to temporarily isolate the science team in a little mini pocket simulation as he tries to fix whatever-the-hell is wrong with the main test one. except he fails.

hlvrai2 starts with gordon waking up on the tram, playing this game to test this cool vr tech for black mesa. except gordon is not excited this time. in fact gordon is freaking out because he remembers everything from the previous loop and he is wondering WHY he’s back here. why isn’t the test over. also he only got to eat 1 slice of pizza at chuck e cheese before everything blacked out so that sucks too.

gordon’s not the only one who remembers the last loop. everyone else who aren’t just random npcs also remember. before it was just tommy, gman, sunkist, and benrey who retained memories of previous loops. tommy and gman because their job is to keep the simulation intact, sunkist because tommy made her like that, and benry because he’s an anomaly (human consciousness and alien program/virus thing melded into one). in benry’s case, the memories are more jumbled and muddled in his head. so things don’t make a lot of sense for them.

anyway my idea is that this new loop that they’re in is even more screwed up than the last one. like the seams are really breaking and shit’s getting through. enemies that never appeared in any iteration before are appearing now. sections of the map have either moved or are missing entirely. there are new places too that don’t exactly look like they belong (bubby opens a closet door to reveal a forest, “what the hell is this narnia shit”). it’s super obvious that their world isn’t “real” and coomer, bubby, and darnold have to come to terms with the fact that they’re ai. although maybe bubby not so much because honestly xe doesn’t really give a shit about having a crisis over it (“I’m already a test tube baby—what difference does it make”). but bubby, like the others, would like to escape these endless loops. so that becomes the team’s main goal: find a way out. oh, and find gman too because he’s been missing ever since the loop restarted and tommy doesn’t know where the hell he is and it’s kind of concerning.

darnold joins the science team because he also remembers the last loop and wow this whole situation is just really messed up i guess i HAVE to go on a epic quest now dang. she takes up the healer role with her potions (not a huge fan of the violence), plus he just tends to fret over others in general. benrey rejoins the science team, which of course leads to tension that has to be worked out. now that benry isn’t coded as the antagonist/final boss anymore, he doesn’t have malicious intentions, but they’re still a little shit. they feels bad about what they did but doesn’t really know how to express it other than riling up gordon. though things get better between gordon and benrey as the adventure progresses and they have to save each other’s asses multiple times. he even says sorry eventually.

sooo i don’t exactly know how they break out yet, but they will stop the loops and escape into the actual main simulation of reality, the one that irl black mesa made to preserve humanity. the science team’s simulation was one of the tests that helped black mesa build the main simulation except nobody thought to stop running that test program—hence why the team’s been looping all this time. but yeah i’m still thinking about how it all ends. and also what the heck i want to do with forzen. i think i want him to be similar to be an ai that a piece of alien virus/coding latched onto. i think the alien virus/code used to be bigger and more intact before irl black mesa began messing with the alien tech, then it got fractured off into pieces that eventually found things in the system to latch onto, which is why forzen’s like “we used to be best friends” to benry. because technically there’s a part of them that used to be part of a bigger thing. idk. i think i want forzen to play a bit of an antagonist role, but not as a really bad one or anything. he’s just misguided. and maybe confused. let’s be real he doesn’t really know what he’s doing.

gman is missing because he’s dealing with his “Employers.” aka the super advanced hivemind ai that helps keep everything running in the background. they think the test simulation isn’t worth having around anymore because it’s becoming more trouble than it’s worth and they think gman isn’t able to handle it, so they’re stepping in. they aren’t the reason the test simulation is breaking down—the deterioration just got their attention. gman’s trying to either convince them to NOT erase it all or just stall them long enough in hopes that the science team figure a way out before the hammer comes down.

i was thinking who the main antagonist WOULD be, but maybe there doesn’t actually need to be one. it’s mostly the science team vs the test simulation. i guess the Employers could be seen as the main antagonist, but they’re just doing what they think is best to keep everything running smoothly.

ok that’s it im going to stop i’ve drained my brain resources. if anyone’s actually read all the way through, wow. thanks for slogging through my ramblings. :’)

[sodrippy]

hey im so sorry but i didnt understand this post the article, like why are they doing it? whats the actual reason, i tried to read but i couldnt

hi! thats ok bud, i hope i can briefly explain it a little bit for you! (i also had trouble reading the full article so my answer here wont cover Everything that was written there, but i know these things are 100% happening)

theres different factors that go into it, and every production is different etc etc but some of the main points are:

a. lack of respect for the sound department. on lots of film sets sound is seen as less important than other departments, and this often means they get the least accommodations.

a common example of this is after a take is filmed, a sound recordist might need a redo for them to get a better quality sound recording, but theyre denied due to time constraints; or the boom mic (the ones attached to the end of a long pole thats held out of frame) wasnt able to get close enough for clean audio, or other such things. (a kind of infamous thing with this is the way soundies have to fight for their fucking lives to be able to record one minutes room tone(ambient noise to put under dialogue so it sounds more real) on set with the whole crew silent)

b. sound is unfortunately victim to the "fix it in post" hellscape, where if its impossible or simply annoying to get a good recording on set, higher ups will just push the problems outlined above onto the sound editors in post production. so lots of times editors are starting out with poor quality material to work with

this has become perhaps a bigger problem in recent years with advancements in audio technology, which means that sound editors can do a lot more nowadays than they could 10 years ago. think of how photo editing was hugely advanced by the invention of photoshop, and what sorts of things you can remove and add from images now. similarly with sound editing, theres lots more options for fixing audio now, and a lot of times sound editors have to cobble together passable edits from audio files that arent clean.

c. still on technology, sound needs to be put together AND played in specific ways for different places in order to have the best quality. there are specific settings for cinemas and different ones for streaming direct to tv, and there is sometimes a gap between how sound is mixed and how its played. the article talks about certain cinema chains who play the sound at a lower level than the industry standard, which greatly affects how its heard

d. a really big one recently is creative direction. in recent years the creative "vision" so to speak has really changed and this affects both how directors want sound to be mixed (including extremely loud ambient noise or music, which makes it harder to hear dialogue) and also how actors are delivering their lines. the article talks about a type of delivery style thats becoming a lot more popular recently where actors speak in much quieter or breathier voices which is much harder to cleanly record.

sometimes this is just a personal style choice by the director, or to serve the story, but generally speaking its part of a trend moving towards more "realistic" cinema. similar to how actors have less "visible" makeup or less glamorized styling, theres been a shift towards more realistic audio, trying to better replicate the real world. in my opinion thats incredibly stupid and to hide it behind "creative choices" by a director is a sign that you dont know how to make a well made film.

im sorry this became a VERY long post, and i apologize if its just as hard to read as the article itself but i hope this made sense and helped u to understand the topic a bit more! if u want clarification on anything send me another msg and ill do my best!!

[blu-joons]

Your Relationship Gets Revealed ~ Johnny Seo

You looked to Johnny with a panic in your eyes as he opened up the comments section to the statement that SM had released a short while ago confirming the rumour that the two of you were together after an article had been released.

“It’s fine,” Johnny smiled empathetically across at you, “we’ve got nothing to feel bad about, regardless of what anyone has to say.”

You knew that it wasn’t going to be as simple as moving on without a care about what everyone else had to say about the two of you, especially those who supported him.

It had been a case of dodging everyone for the two of you for some time, knowing that reporters were onto you. Whilst you tried your hardest to get away from it all, eventually they caught up to you, and couldn’t wait to begin to share their findings online.

“What do the comments say?” You pushed Johnny once again, refusing to allow him to shield you from it all. “I bet they all want us to break up, don’t they?”

A soft chuckle came from Johnny as he watched over how nervous you were. He had always been the more level-headed of the two of you anyway, and even though he was nervous too, he was never as terrified as you were.

“Most of them seem happy,” he informed you, keeping his phone away from you, “but of course, there’s a few not so happy ones.”

“And what do those ones say? How bad really are they Johnny?”

His head shook as you tried to reach out and take his phone from him. He was determined to protect you, whatever it took, the last thing you deserved was to be surrounded by negativity for doing absolutely nothing wrong.

But what Johnny failed to realise was the shield he was keeping around you was only scaring you more, with your hand pushing against his arm encouraging him to speak up.

“You don’t need to worry about those ones,” he tried to assure you once again, but your head could only shake back at him. “Put it this way, I don’t want you reading those comments because they talk a load of nonsense that you don’t need to see.”

Your eyebrows raised questionably back across at him, whilst you appreciated his concern, you were more than capable of dealing with a few hateful comments written on a keyboard.

“Fine but let me find bad ones that I want you to read rather than you scrolling through.”

You smiled in relief as Johnny finally caved, scrolling meticulously through the feed until he found a couple of comments that he was happy to let you take a look at.

“You can’t keep me from all of this forever,” you reminded him as you took his phone from his hand, “it’s not that simple.”

Johnny’s head nodded as you read through the couple of comments, trying your hardest to keep yourself composed. As you did, intrigue very quickly got the better of you.

Johnny watched on with wide eyes as you decided to continue scrolling, reading through every single comment that you could until he snatched his phone out his hand.

“That’s unfair Y/N.”

“Why? Especially when all of that is written about me too?” You questioned firmly, biting down on your bottom lip to stop yourself from getting too attached.

Whilst the comments that you were able to flick through were mostly positive, one comment in particular stuck with you. You were sure it was harmless and unintentional, just a fan who was in shock and taking that out on you, but the more it played on your mind, the more you began to doubt whether the fan was telling the truth all along.

“Can I ask you something?” You quizzed Johnny.

His head nodded back at you as he closed off his phone, keeping it well out of reach of you down the side of the sofa where you wouldn’t be able to get to.

“Are you sure this is what you want? This is going to bring a lot of attention onto you.”

No response came from Johnny as his eyes stared blankly across at yours. He tried desperately, but his mind couldn’t understand where such a question had come from.

And then he remembered how quick you were to scroll, he recalled closing his phone off and reading through the comment that he’d managed to take his phone back on. The comment that questioned whether you were really worth all of the hassle that Johnny was about to go through.

“It’s alright for you to say no,” you added as he continued to remain quiet, “I would probably be a little bit doubtful too if I was in your position right now.”

With that, Johnny’s head instantly shook, with his hands falling against your arms to keep you in position and looking at him. “You. You’re the one I want, you’re worth everything that we’re about to go through and more Y/N.”

Before you could reply, Johnny’s arms flew around your frame and pulled you tightly across into his chest. Your hands collapsed against his chest to support yourself as several kisses were scattered gently over the top of your head.

“Johnny, I can’t breathe,” you laughed, nudging his chest gently for him to loosen his grip around you.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered down to you, “I just don’t want you to ever feel as if you’re not worth it or doubt my dedication to you. Whether we’re dating in private or in public, I don’t care about anything else as long as I can go through it with you still by my side.”

Getting through the next few weeks at least was going to be far from easy, although your statement was one of honesty, it was never going to be enough to keep all of Johnny’s fans on side, there was always going to be someone who disapproved of the two of you.

All he wanted to do was keep you safe, whatever happened, Johnny wanted you with him so that he could prove to you, and everyone watching how serious he was about being with you.

“The majority of fans adore you, and that’s what we need to focus on right now,” he spoke up once again, “we can’t let a few negative comments defeat us like this.”

“I’m sorry, I just saw that one comment and panicked, I don’t know what happened.”

His head shook, squeezing you a little bit tighter, “you don’t need to apologise, I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be for you to deal with this when it’s all brand new for you.”

“I can’t believe this is the sort of thing that you guys all go through on a daily basis, now I see why you guys are all so strong.”

“You learn to ignore it,” he reasoned, “and I know that with time you will too, as long as we have each other then no comments are going to get the better of us, how does that sound to you.

Instantly, your head nodded, “as long as we support each other, nothing will break us up.”

“Exactly, and I won’t ever let anything, or anyone, do that,” Johnny swiftly assured you.

“Do you think things will get easier?”

“Of course, they will. Just with time.”

---

Masterlist

[shyficwriter]

Temporary Home: Chapter 3

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Reader x Guardians (With Yondu and Kraglin!)

Summary: Just as things start looking like they'll get better, Rocket seems to ruin it. Hopefully this time he learns something.

Previous Chapter here | Next Chapter Here Or click here to: Start From Beginning

Author’s Note: Shorter chapter this time.

Word Count: 4,075

You might have slept in after having taken a middle-of-the-night walk, but your body had other ideas, waking you up right at seven A.M. Probably had a little something to do with eight strange people living in your house. Who's to say?

Breakfast today went smoother than yesterday. Nothing was spilled, no one was bit. It was almost nice.

However, afterwards you found yourself at a loss for what to do. You knew the garden was already free of weeds from where you weeded the day before, so there went that idea.

Sure, you could sit and relax, maybe try to get to know your new house guests, but you were still feeling too antsy and irritable to do that. You wanted something to keep your mind busy.

Eventually you settled on laundry. The machine was half full anyway and so you went upstairs to grab the hamper from the bathroom and threw it's contents in. Unfortunately you'd need to wait for the clothes to finish washing before you could hang them or fold them, but you supposed maybe you could sweep the floor while you waited.

You finished the kitchen much faster than you would have liked, and so you decided maybe you'd sweep the upstairs landing and work your way down.

You had swept about halfway down the stairs when Peter and Gamora decided to walk up the stairs about the same time as Mantis decided to walk down the stairs, hugging her bear. Upon seeing Peter and Gamora, Mantis then further decided to show them the "wonderful bear" you had given her before bounding down the rest of the stairs and out the front door.

They looked to you as she left, and you blushed and looked down at your task at hand. "Don't read too much into it. Just- you know... Thought it'd keep her from crawling in my bed at night... Seems to have worked."

"Right," said Peter, throwing a cheeky grin at Gamora. His tone was overly inquisitive when he spoke to you next, "Say, would you know anything about the toy car Groot found waiting in his room last night?"

You quickened your sweeping down the stairs. "I should really finish up here. Got other work to do."

Gamora looked pleasantly intrigued, and Peter lightly chuckled as they continued up the stairs.

You were grateful the sitting room was empty when you went to sweep in there, but you were also soon dismayed to have finished the chore so quickly. The washer still had a good chunk of time before it'd be finished and now you were once again left wondering what to do.

Might as well clean the bathroom.

More dismay befell you when you entered, however. Someone hadn't flushed. Again. Know who doesn't have to worry about house mates not flushing? People who live alone.

In disgust, you flushed for whoever the offender was, making a mental note to make a general callout to whoever it was to stop it, before getting a start on cleaning the bathroom.

The washer was finally done by the time you finished, and you jumped on the chance to grab a basket and bring the clothes out to the line. Sure, you had a dryer, but hanging them would keep you busier for longer. You put in your earbuds so you could listen to music while you worked.

Once outside you noticed that's where most of the others had gone. All but Peter and Gamora where in the back yard enjoying the sunshine. Yondu, Kraglin and Drax were shooting the breeze while Rocket pushed Groot on the little wooden car, which was just big enough for him to sit on, down the stone garden path. Groot would squeal in delight until he reached the end, then he would cheerfully run back carrying the car for Rocket to do it again. Mantis had discovered the rope and plank swing hanging from the old oak tree and was gently swaying as she cuddled her bear.

You made your way toward the clothesline on the other side of the yard and faced away from them as you went to hang the clothes on the line.

You were about three towels in when Kraglin taps you on the shoulder, making you jump. You turn to face him and pull out an earbud to hear what he was saying.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle ya, ma'am!"

You frowned, embarrassed. You were usually never this jumpy, especially not on the job, but this whole new situation has been playing with your nerves.

"Would you like some help, there?"

You shake your head, reaching down to grab a shirt to hang on the line.

"Well, would ya like some company?"

You come back up from the basket with another garment and raise your eyebrow at him.

"Not much of a talker, eh?" Kraglin said, starting to feel a little awkward. He was trying to make nice with you, but you weren't giving him anything and he didn't really know what to do. He told himself it'd be easier if you were someone he was trying to steal from. Cap'n was better at stuff like this.

You shrug.

"Well, I just wanted to say it was real nice what ya did for the little fella and the girl."

You look at him, already feeling a blush returning, and repeated what you said to Peter and Gamora earlier. "Don't read too much into it." You reach down to pull another garment.

Now Kraglin frowned. He tried to think of something else to say. Maybe he could break the ice with a joke? "Say, you ever hear about the guy who couldn't get his blaster to fire?"

You raise an eyebrow.

"He had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual."

You tilted your head. "Was that a joke?"

Kraglin made a grimaced grin and rubbed the back of his head, "Ah... yes?"

"Hm." is all you offer and you return to work.

Kraglin tries again. "What about the one about the constipated Krylorian?

You didn't look up. "I think your friends are calling for you."

Kraglin, missing the hint, "I didn't hear-"

You look up, the look in your eyes sending a chill through the former first mate. "Oh yes, they did."

He got the hint.

***

"She turned you away so fast!" Drax laughed when Kraglin returned.

Kraglin shook his head. "Apparently she's not a big talker. Actually almost kinda scary." He glanced back toward you briefly as if to make sure you stayed there.

"Scary?" Drax asked, perplexed. "But she looks all small and weak like Peter, or you?" He shook his head. "You are terrible with women."

"Hey!" Kraglin objected.

Yondu grinned.

"And I wasn't trying to get her into bed! I was just trying to break the ice is all."

Drax looked at you then back at Kraglin in confusion. "It's too warm? There shouldn't be any ice to break?"

Yondu shook his head and said, "No that's- Nevermind."

***

When hanging laundry you noticed some white mushrooms were starting to spring up around one of your clotheslines poles, and unfortunately you couldn't quite tell if it was the safe type or the poisonous type. You might have left it alone, but knowing the little tree child was running around now, you wanted to be sure. Just in case. You told yourself you just didn't want to clean up his vomit if he ate them and got sick.

You knew you had a book on mushrooms, so after you finished hanging the wash you headed inside and towards the sitting room to find it.

Everyone had long since come inside and now Yondu, Drax, Kraglin and Peter were already in there, playing a game of cards at the table while Mantis curled in the rocking chair reading a book of children's fairytales.

You stood there looking through the titles of your books, trying to find the right one, when suddenly you felt a pair of hands fluttering at your sides. You jerk with a gasp and spin around to grab the hands of your attacker and see that it's Mantis.

"Mantis- what are you doing?" You say, your tone laced with a gentle warning. You didn't release her wrists yet.

"You seemed grouchy. I wanted to make you laugh!" She replied cheerfully, not alarmed in the slightest by your tone.

You raise an eyebrow at the innocence of her answer. Eyeing her you say, "I'm not ticklish," before cautiously releasing her and making a shooing gesture. You turn back to the books.

Peter quietly catches Mantis's attention and with a grin nods in your direction, encouraging her to do it again. Yondu sees this and shakes his head softly, grinning at the mischief.

Not twenty seconds go by before you feel her hands at your waist again, and again you jerk with a gasp before spinning to catch her again. "Mantis," you say more warningly. Now Drax is grinning.

You hear snickers coming from the table and Kraglin says, "I think you are." It was funny to him. Just awhile ago you were almost scary in your stoic-ness, now you were jumping and shying away from Mantis's attempts to tickle you.

You glare at them but ignore him. "Mantis, go back to your book," you say firmly.

Mantis just giggles but finally starts backing away as you eye her.

Assuming you're safe you turn back to the bookshelf. You soon find the book you were searching for and reach up to pull it from the shelf when you feel it yet again, this time along your ribs. You jerk your arm down with a small squeak and turn to grab Mantis's hands again, your eyes wide. "I swear I will turn you over my knee!" You threaten, a faint giggle in your voice making you sound a whole lot less threatening than you wished at that moment.

The guys are snickering again and Mantis innocently asks what that means.

You sigh and release her. You had no intention of doing it anyway, it just came out. Something that your elders used to threaten when you misbehaved as a child. "Go." You say, pointing at her forgotten book in the rocking chair. "Read."

Seeing mirth glistening in your eyes despite your threatening tone she obeys with a happy giggle and you turn once again to retrieve the book you had come for. Louder snickers could be heard from Peter when you stopped your motion halfway to turn and check that she wasn't coming back. You narrowed your eyes at him before finally grabbing your book and leaving to do your research.

You found the mushrooms weren't poisonous after all.

***

The next day you decided to practice your archery.

Rocket was still being a shit, being rude to his friends and to you, and he kept fighting with Gamora and Peter. Kraglin somehow managed to break one of your favorite mugs. You found out that apparently Drax had been the one not flushing, and that was super awkward. You left Peter to deal with him. You tripped over Groot's vines at least five times. Mantis managed to startle you so bad you nearly had a heart attack (Though in her defense you had your music in so you didn't hear her approach to ask you a question) Then there was Yondu, who you felt like he was watching your every move.

Needless to say, you were looking to blow off some steam.

You had a target set up behind your work shed and along the wood line of the forest. You pulled about 20 practice arrows and your bow from the shed and walked behind to aim at your target.

You had been out there maybe an hour or two, just shooting the target full of arrows, gathering them up, and then shooting them again, all while you listened to your music.

You had emptied your quiver again when you felt a hand on your shoulder and nearly decked Peter, catching yourself just in time when you saw it was him.

You caught your breath and scolded him. "Don't DO that!"

"Sorry! Sorry! You couldn't hear me with your music in so I waited until you ran out of arrows." he reasoned. To be fair, it was a good idea. You probably definitely would have shot him with one if he snuck up on you like that before you ran out.

You sighed. "What do you need?"

"Nothing. Just, we hadn't seen you for awhile. I thought I'd see where you went. I know it was a little rough with everyone today."

You only grunted in response, going to collect your arrows.

He followed. "Look, I just want to apologize for everyone. I know you didn't need to let us stay-"

You cut him off. "Didn't I? Seems like Fury made the decision for me."

"Cut the crap."

You turn to give him a hard look that said, 'The hell did you just say?'

Peter backtracked slightly. "I mean, I was clearly there the day Fury sprang this on you. You offered before he told you he had already decided. You can't try to tell me now that you don't give a crap."

You narrow your eyes before turning to continue on toward your arrows. "Hell if I can't."

"Well I know better."

You reached your target and started pulling arrows. "You don't know me at all. You haven't even been here four days."

"Ok, that may be true, but we can still try to be friends since we're all stuck together, right?"

You stare at him a couple moments while you pulled the rest of your arrows, before huffing a breath through your nose and looking down.

"You need some time alone with the thought. That's ok." Peter said, relenting. "Just know the gang's not normally like this. They're still adjusting." He lied. He knew they were totally like this, but he was still hoping maybe they'd settle down enough to not make you hate them.

You sighed. He had a point. Maybe you shouldn't be avoiding them as hard as you had been. Maybe if you made an effort to be friendlier this whole situation would go smoother. "I suppose..." you began, "that maybe I have been a little..." you struggled for the right word.

"Grouchy? Scary?" Peter offered lightheartedly. "Like the crotchety old person they try to make you think is the masked monster in Scooby Doo, but it turns out to be some other guy that wants to scare them out of their house?

"Watch it." you say eyeing him, but your mouth twitched. He was right. Perhaps you had been a little 'crotchety.'

"Careful, that was almost a smile." Peter teased.

You broke your gaze toward the ground so you wouldn't actually smile. You weren't ready to let your guard completely down yet. It only half worked.

Peter grinned. It seemed like his plan to chip your shell away was working. Slowly, but still. Progress was progress. He turned to walk back towards the house.

"Hey," you spoke up.

He turned back to face you again.

"You hungry?" you ask. You offered to cook again. Stipulating that it was just because you were bored again, nothing fancy, and you weren't going to make a habit of it or anything, of course.

Peter nodded and smiled, accepting the offer as you joined him to walk back to the house, stopping just long enough to put your bow and quiver back away in the shed.

***

Peter offered to help cook again, and again you declined, stating that you were only cooking spaghetti and it was like the easiest thing to make as you pulled out a pot and filled it with water.

He didn't press it. Baby steps. He had already succeeded in getting you to (almost) smile, he wasn't going to push his luck. However...

You place the pot on the stove and turn on the flame when Peter says, "Ok, but one thing before I go."

"What's that?" you ask, stepping away from the stove to grab the salt container from the cupboard.

Peter took full advantage of you reaching up to quickly aim a poke to your sides, making you jolt with a squeak.

He quickly went to run away, almost knocking into Yondu who had walked into the kitchen for a drink.

"Dammit!" you cry out, unable to hide the surprised laughter from your voice. "You behave or I'll put you in that pot!"

Peter laughed. It was totally worth it.

Yondu just looked at him with a 'What the hell!?' expression, asking, "Why is it funny when she says it?"

***

The pasta was nearly done and you had started working on the sauce when you realized you had run out of dried basil. Knowing you had some fresh out in the garden you decided you'd hop out for a quick second to grab some. The flame under the sauce hadn't even been turned on yet, and you lowered the flame under the boiling pasta just out of habit before you went outside, so you trusted that leaving the stove unattended for five seconds would be fine.

However, fate had other plans.

While you were cooking Groot had convinced Rocket into another game of tag. Whether he deliberately disobeyed or simply forgot, you'd never know, but as he was running from Rocket he ran straight through the kitchen, and Rocket didn't stop him.

Didn't stop him has he climbed on the counter.

Didn't stop him as he jumped over to the table.

Certainly didn't stop him as he hopped onto the vent over the stove, though he most definitely should have.

Maybe it was arrogance on Rocket's part that he could make the jump, or even just sheer ignorance over his ability to keep a grip on the sloping metal, but as Rocket pursued Groot, always just slightly behind the tree child, and he made the jump from the table to the vent hood, he slid, and tried to correct by pushing off the (thankfully cool) saucepan, which knocked the pot off sauce off the stove as he lifted off with a loud clatter as it hit the floor.

Groot was fine, having by now hopped off the cabinet onto the floor. Rocket regained his footing, clinging to the cupboard above the stove as he surveyed the damage.

He knew he fucked up.

That's when you came back inside. He saw your face as you took in the mess, looked over to Groot, and then looked up at him.

He really fucked up.

The rest of the team also heard the clatter from the sitting room a few quickly came to see what had happened.

You didn't notice. You only saw red.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!"

Rocket started to reply with something snarky about not getting your "panties in a bunch" and how it could be cleaned but you cut him off before he could.

"He's made of wood!"

Rocket was slightly taken aback. "What?"

"That stove was- IS fucking lit." You reach over to shut off the burner under the pasta, side-stepping the mess. "What if he had caught fire? Or what if you knocked over the other pot? What if that fucking pot of boiling water had landed on either of you?! Do you even understand what that would have done to you?!"

By now the rest had heard you yelling and came to join the others in standing in the doorway to see what all the commotion was about. You still didn't notice them, you were too angry.

Rocket attempted to speak again. "I-"

You weren't finished. "I get it, he's a baby, he's still learning, but YOU most definitely should know better! But no! You think it's ok to play with him around a lit fucking stove! What the actual fuck! I swear, you're about as thick as manure but only half as useful!"

Rocket looked at the others in the doorway with wide eyes, not quite sure what to say. There was no way around it. This one was on him. They wore shocked expressions but also didn't say anything. Little Groot looked terrified at the (to him) giant angry lady screaming at Rocket.

You took a step back and finally assessed the mess. "And then there's all this!" you say, gesturing at the red tomato sauce now splattered all over your floor, your cupboards, the table & chairs, your stove. There was even sauce splattered on the window above the sink and the curtains, not to mention the walls. It was as if a tomato bomb went off in your kitchen.

You pressed the ball of your hand to your forehead. "You know what? No. I'm not dealing with this. Nope." You open the fridge, pulling out a bottle of whiskey. It was only then you saw the others standing in the doorway. You look to them, gesturing toward the pantry with the bottle. "Figure out your own damn supper." is all you say before walking out the back door and slamming it behind you.

Peter was the first to speak. He skipped asking Rocket what he had done, it was obvious by the red splattering the kitchen. Instead, what he said was more of a statement. "You really fucked up, man. You made her leave her own house."

"Should we go after her?" Drax asked. Mantis just stared at the giant mess as she hugged her bear, eyes wide. You had been very angry.

Yondu and Kraglin could see you out the back window, taking a swig from the whiskey bottle as you headed for the forest, much like you had the other night -minus the drinking of course. "No," said Yondu, "Probably a bad idea. Let her go."

Gamora agreed, and turned to glare at Rocket, demanding that he get down and help clean up the mess he had made.

Rocket actually looked kind of guilty looking toward the back door you had just left through. He didn't even argue back anything snarky, just did as Gamora asked without a word, which didn't go unnoticed as odd to the others.

He could have handled it if you had just yelled at him for making a mess. Could have shot back that you were uptight, had a stick up your ass- it was just a mess. Messes could be cleaned. Shit happens. Get over it.

But what he couldn't handle was that your first words, your first instinct, was to be angry that he had endangered Groot by allowing him to play near the stove. That he couldn't snark at- because you were right. What if Groot had caught fire? Or fell in the boiling pot?

He'd never forgive himself.

***

Hours had passed and half the bottle was gone before you finally returned.

Even in your drunken haze you saw that the kitchen had been cleaned, every trace of the tomato explosion gone. Even your curtains had been washed, dried, and re-hung.

You went to put what was left of the whiskey bottle back in the fridge, and saw someone had been kind enough to plop the pasta in a covered bowl and set it in the fridge so it wouldn't be wasted.

Not that you gave a shit.

Right now you wanted to sleep, and so you made your way to your room and collapsed on the bed.

Sleep didn't come right away. You faced the wall and covered your mouth, trying to hold back sobs from your anger, frustration, and sadness over everything. Even still drunk you had the presence of mind to know you didn't want anyone to hear you cry, especially since one of your new housemates was currently sharing your room and sleeping not two meters away.

The raccoon was a right asshole, the worst of the bunch. You wanted to strangle the little fecker, but knew you wouldn't. What you really just wanted was to be alone again, to bury yourself in work like you had before all this happened. Anything to keep your mind on other things-to push down the painful memories of your past that were now rudely breaking through your whiskey-addled brain and out your eyes.

Sleep did eventually come, and if you didn't know better you could have sworn you heard a gentle voice softly whispering, "Sleep," just before you passed out.

[beelsbaby]

yummy love | Beelzebub

Chapter Eight: Christmas cookies

Summary: Everyone knows that Beel simps for you the most, even you, but you think Beel deserves better. Can Beelzebub break down your walls?

I’m sorry for not posting for two days, college sucks 😡 but here it is! Part 8!

Also, if you haven’t please go check out my 200 followers celebration post, I’d love for all of you guys to participate!

Previous | Next

As you and Asmo walk into the boutique, you were met with different fragrances. It reminded you of Bath & Bodyworks from the human world.

“Y/n! Come smell this lotion, its scent is devildom berries!” Asmo exclaimed while picking up the bottle. You walk over to him and he hovers to bottle under your nose. It smelled like strawberries, raspberries, and and cherries.

“It smells like the berries from back in my world.” You smiled, remembering how much you miss the food from your world.

“You miss your world?” Asmo asks you. You nod, “I do and I don’t. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I mean, I miss the food, the sun, the snow. But I didn’t have so many people who appreciated me like you all do. I love you guys. I’m rambling, I’m sorry!”

Asmo laughs a little as he puts two bottles in the basket, “You’re too cute, Y/n! We love you, too, obviously. Who wouldn’t?”

You smile as you pick up a lotion bottle and smell it. It smells like Christmas cookies. Beel would love Christmas cookies.

“Beel, hm?” Asmo arched his eyebrow. Did you say that out loud? Ugh, of course you did. Will he say anything? Will he tease you?

“Yes, Beel would eat anything, so he’d definitely like them.” He giggles, then gasps “Here it is! The new cleanser!”

You have never been so grateful for a cleanser than you are now. You watch as Asmo puts the entire cleanser line in his basket. You smiled, he looks like a kid in a candy store.

“You ready to go, Y/n? Ooooh what are you buying?”

You turn around and follow Asmo to the cash register, “Oh, just this lotion. Smells nice.”

Asmo looks at your hand and sees the lotion. Winter Delight. The one you said smells like cookies. Also the one you mentioned Beel with. Hmm he thought, this might be easier than I anticipated.

“Wonderful!” He smirks. You pause, it’s almost the same smirk Mammon gave you as you were leaving, you decide to ignore it and pay for the lotion. Asmo meets you at the entrance of the store, “I want to get a new jacket, do you mind, darling?” Asmo asks. You shake your head and giggle, “Nope as long as you model for me!”

“Oh, darling, of course I can!” He pulls you towards the store.

Asmo walks towards the jackets section. You decide to let him do his thing and walk around the store yourself. You don’t see asphalt anywhere so decide to send him a message to ask where he is typical he doesn’t respond he’s in his own little world right now you put your phone back in your pocket. When you look up and see the cutest outfit on the floor display and walk towards it it was really nice

“Oooh Y/n! You’d look so cute in that!” Asmo suddenly gushes. You jump a little, not expecting him to have been behind you. “Oh no no, I was just looking at it! I don’t— is that the jacket you want?” You see a light pink, almost white jacket in his hand.

He smiles, “Yes! What do you think?”

“Try it on!” You laugh. He takes off his current jacket and politely hands it to you. He puts on the new jacket and poses, “Thoughts?”

“It looks amazing on you, Asmo! Definitely get it.” His smile grows instantly as he takes in your compliment. He starts to go on a tangent on how he’ll need new shoes to match. You look out the store and your eyes land on the store across the mall. It’s a spice store. Beel’s sauce!

“Hey Asmo?” You interrupt.

“Oh, yes, Y/n?” He looks at you, he can’t read what you’re feeling, “Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah! Sorry, I just need to run into that store really quick, do you mind if I run in while you pay?” You ask. He looks at the story were pointing to, Devildom Spices and Sauces. He smiles, “Of course not! I’ll meet you at the spa?” You nod and run off the other store.

Asmo chuckles, you both are SO whipped for each other, it’s ridiculously cute!

As you enter the store you walk around the entire store before you finally spot the sauce. You grab two and head towards the cash register. That’s when you noticed a box of chocolates. Hershey’s. Wait a minute you think these are from the human world! You quickly grab three boxes and rush to the cash register. As you’re paying, you get a phone call.

“Hello Y/n? I’m at the spa!” Asmo announces as you picked up the phone.

“Oh I’m sorry Asmo! I must of lost track of time, I’ll be right there!”

You hang up and quickly thank the demon that attended you and rush out the store.

When you get to the spa you see Asmo with three bags instead of one.

“It seems someone got carried away!” You giggle. He laughs, “Yes, but I just need matching accessories! It was vital!”

Both walking to the massage rooms and get situated. Now it’s the time as well thinks.

“Y/n, darling?” Asmo speaks up.

“Yes, Asmo?” You answer back.

He pauses, trying to find the right words. “Y/n, can I ask you something?”

You look up and see how serious he looks. You’re not used to him looking so serious. You knew something was up. Especially the moment he didn’t make a single comment as you were undressing in the dressing rooms. But you are interested in his question, “Sure.”

“Why don’t you think you’re enough for Beel?”

You pause, not expecting that question let alone the bluntness of it you both hear the masseuses walk in so you put your heads back down but you know Asmo is still waiting for your answer.

“I-I don’t know. I mean just look at him he’s the sweetest guy ever met. He’s just so kind and caring. And his smile just lights up the room. He just does so much for everyone he loves and he tries his best to be the very best he can be and don’t get me started on how cute he is! Not even in the human world have I seen somebody so cute and tall and loving! He’s just... perfect. Everything he does gives me butterflies but... I don’t even know who I am, who I want to be. He deserves the very best and I don’t know if I can give him that.”

Asmo is silent for a while, contemplating your speech. Finally, he knows exactly what to tell you.

“Y/n. I just don’t think it’s fair for you to make that decision for him. He might not be the smartest but he knows what he wants and that’s you. It doesn’t matter to him that you don’t know who you want to be, he’s obviously waiting there for you, he wants to help you and wants to be with you! The way he talks about you— I mean it’s just so cute when he just lights up when your name is mentioned. Don’t let the negatives make a decision so important for you, for him. That big guy loves you. He has proved time and time again that no matter how many times you put him down it doesn’t kill his determination to be with you. Can’t you see that means something? That you mean something to him? Give him a chance and most importantly, give yourself a chance. You both deserve to be happy.”

When Asmo stops talking, you could feel tears falling down your and you’re pretty sure the masseuse could feel the tension slip away from your body.

“Y/n?” Asmo asks, scared he upset you.

“I’m okay I’m just a sensitive bitch” you laugh while wiping your tears. He slowly chuckles along, still a little wary.

“Look let me think about this with a clear head, then I’ll get back to you”

He smiles, he knew only he could have completed this task, “Of course, Y/n.”

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I put a lot of emotion in this oOPS

It’s all coming together😈

Let’s see what Belphie can do!

Tag list (Open):

@pumpkinpatchkid

@kpop-and-otome

@moremilkforkags

@witch-o-memes

@aspenflower17

@0-miles-away

@mangobangi

@bakudekuwa

@fluffimemes

@minniboe

@clawsbox

[ilove-cedricdiggory]

You would be okay (Fallen Pt. 2)

Draco x Reader

Request - Yes? kinda? you guys wanted a part 2!

Summary - You tried the unspeakable and were left with this aftermath. Part one here!

Trigger Warning - Mentions of suicide, suicidal thoughts, cursing, it's kinda lengthy. I hope you enjoy!

All that's left is a last embrace.

All that's left is a whisper to say.

Hearts broken,

tears spilled,

frantic moves,

for all that was left was a final exhale.

You expected white, or maybe black even? But all you saw was the yellow of a light. That's a good sign, right?

Go into the light.

But, the light doesn't come with a tight embrace, does it?

For the last of something shouldn't come with another. A last breath shouldn't be met with another inhale, filling your lungs with a type of pain that wasn't physical. A type of pain that filled your head with the doubt of no other.

You failed.

Failed to die, how can someone be that stupid?

"No." You croaked out, feeling the pressure on your body tighten. "No, I'm not alive. No." You opened your eyes, the unshed tears already in the place of your eyelids.

"Honey, clear the room." The soft, warm voice of the mother you dreamed of filled your ears. "Molly, no." You cried, looking up at her. She held your body tightly, her arms circled around you as she held the life of you, afraid to let go.

The tears fell quickly down your cheeks, sobs falling from your mouth. "Sweet girl, it's okay." She whispered, pressing you closer to her. You're unaware of how you long you sobbed, how long she sat there with you, softly pressing her palm down the smoothness of your hair, but your sobs lulled you back to sleep with the hatred of yourself filling your being once more.

One week

You felt like you were a toddler again, for a pair of eyes was always set on you. They didn't look at you with pity, they didn't look at you with disgust, they didn't look at you with doubtfulness. For they looked at you with a love you didn't even understand. A love that had your heart breaking worse than what Draco could ever cause.

You still weren't sure how you survived, how you possibly could have jumped from the astronomy tower and lived to tell the tale, but none of the Weasley's would tell you.

"It doesn't matter dear." Whispered Molly when you woke up the next morning, full of questions.

"What do you think about these?" Fred and George switched up the topic, showing you a prototype that was supposed to shoot multicolored glitter into the room you tossed it into.

"Sorry, y/n, I'm reading." Hermione excused, sticking her nose further into her book, avoiding your eyes with every cost.

Three Weeks

With each day, you ate more. With each second, you smiled brighter. With each look, you felt safer.

You weren't on watch like you had been, everyone seeing the slow progress you were making. You still had unanswered questions, but they sat at the back of your mind, until a bad day.

A day that had you tumbling down the steep stairs of progress, a day that had you quivering in fear of your own self. A day that started with a specific blonde.

You had assumed he was at the Malfoy Manner, you had assumed he thought you were dead. But, when you opened the door to your apartment, Hermione and Ginny standing beside you, he stood from your couch, eyes set on you.

"You're okay." He whispered, his eyes as broken as yours.

"Shit." Ginny looked at the Slytherin and quickly stepped in front of you. "Why the fuck are you here?" Hermione asked, pulling you back behind her.

"Look, I just - I had to make sure she was okay. I haven't left for weeks, I've slept on the couch to make sure I'd see you when you walked in. I - after I saved you, I saw the Weasleys running to you, I was too afraid they'd kill me themselves, so I ran off." He said, stepping closer to you. "Wait - you're the one who saved her?" Ginny asked, looking at the boy. "I uh, I levitated her - like Dumbledore did to Harry at the quidditch game year three. As soon as the owl flew in with a letter in your handwriting to me, after that fight, I knew what you were doing."

Ginny took one more step towards the boy before hugging him, her arms around his neck. "Thank you."

You and Hermione stood in awe. Ginny Weasley, the Ginny Weasley, was hugging Draco. They had all learned to tolerate the man, especially after the two of you got together, but the only person you ever saw try to hug Draco, was Molly.

"But, how did you know where I was? I wrote that at the end of the letter so I could - well, so I could die." You whispered, moving to sit on the couch

Hermione moved to sir next to you, taking the seat Draco might have taken, placing her hand on yours. "Y/n, we don't have to do this. We just came for some clothes." You shook your head, meeting Draco's red eyes.

"I found the letters, about 4 months ago. I had gone into the owl room to feed her the two days you were gone and I saw it with my name. I pulled it out and read it - I didn't know what to do. We had been doing well, you were happy, we had plans with the Weasley's, which I knew for a fact you wouldn't cancel, I just decided to watch you for the next few weeks, make sure you were okay. I knew that you were depressed a while ago, but we had been working on it.

You had been getting out of bed a bit easier, you were baking and singing, I figured you were okay. I know your depression comes and goes, but you were really doing good, so I didn't bring it up." He sat in your love seat, his head in his hands. "I was such an idiot for not bringing it up, I knew better than that. Even if you were doing good, you still wrote them, which meant you were suicidal before then. I'm just a plain dick for saying what I said to you then too. I - I can't believe that I did, you trusted me with your insecurities, with your darkest thoughts, and I used then to crush you." His voice was soft, tears falling from his eyes.

"Hey, Mione, let's go pack up some stuff for Y/n, I think they should talk."

Two months

You were okay.

It was still hard sometimes, but you were okay. You had moved back in to your home, finding a new routine for you. Someone of the Weasley house always popped in on you once a week and Molly set in a Sunday Dinner policy that you could not miss.

You were okay.

You still had dark thoughts, but who didn't? You still had rough days, but who didn't? The only thing you didn't have, was him.

After the day he told you how he saved you, he left. He excused himself when the girls came back, and he left. You were expecting to see him, to hear from him, but nothing. Now, your heart broke a little bit when you woke up and his side was empty, when you woke up and his coffee cup was gone, when you woke up and his designated seat stayed empty.

But, he wasn't going to kill you again.

You washed dishes, you baked cookies (and owled them to the Weasley's), and you went to work.

You were okay.

The day was long, almost as hard as it used to be, but you could do it. People came and went, your mood stayed stable, and your mind stayed blank from all thoughts that could break you.

You were okay.

Right at clock out, you stepped out of the store and - no one.

You walked down the street and - no one.

You stepped into the bakery the two of you got breakfast from that morning and - oh? maybe? the blonde hair, the same height? Nope, bakers son.

A simple hot chocolate, not wanting to be up for hours more, and you were headed home. The muggle tv was set up, courteously done by Harry and Arthur. The hours passed by, your own platter of cookies gone, but, you ate. Comedy movies watched, an episode of How I Met Your Mother finished, but you were then met with a stupid romance movie.

Your eyes watered as you stood, walking to the fridge to find - no ice cream? Really? You bought 4 pints of it the last time you saw it, it was just so hard to find in stores.

You glanced down at your clothes and shrugged, disapparating into the streets outside of the grocery store before walking in and straight to the frozen section. "Stupid freaking ice cream just had to be ate by me. Why can't they make self filling ice cream? I'd pay any damn price for that." You mumbled, the house shoes dragging along as you walked.

"Where is it?" You asked yourself, glancing in each of the doors before bumping into a cart. "Oh, crap, I'm sorry." You spoke, looking up to meet them.

"Narcissa?" You asked, your eyes furrowing. You glanced into her basket to see nothing but ice cream, the very ice cream you were here for. "Uh, that's a lot of ice cream." You said, biting your lip sadly.

"Draco sent me for them, I don't eat ice cream." She laughed, smiling at the girl. "You okay?" She asked softly, meeting your eyes. You had a problem with Lucius, yes, but Narcissa was so lovely - especially after the war. "I'm okay." You spoke, nodding once.

"You know, I said that a lot too, so I get it." You bit your lip, nodding once. "Oh, well, they don't have what I'm here for, so I'll be going." She nodded, you turning around before hurrying out of the store.

You were okay.

You popped back into your home, taking a deep breath. You sat in the room, shutting off the TV before laying back. An hour later, you were met with the pecking of the door, sighing as you grabbed a few knuts for the owl and walked to the door, swinging it open.

"Draco?" You breathed out, looking at the man. "Owl?" you asked, looking down at the owl in his arms.

"I uh, I figured I'd bring you these." He held up the ice cream pints his mother bought, smiling softly. "I was gonna owl them, but I had to see you, I'm sorry." He spoke, and you stepped aside to let the boy in.

After they were all safely placed in the freezer, he turned to you. "Y/n, I'm so so so sorry. I can't just apologise my way back into your life and I know that, but I'd do anything to see you. I was such an absolute idiot and I will do anything I can do to fix it, fix us." He spoke, his eyes meeting yours.

You nodded softly, taking a deep breath.

You were okay.

You were okay.

You were okay.

You weren't okay.

"I've missed you do much." you cried, flopping onto the couch. "And I hate myself for that because you did this, you did it. But you're the only one I could ever trust to really fix me again. But I can't trust you to not break me again." Your sobs filled the air, Draco rushing to hold you once again.

"I'm so sorry, y/n." he whispered, kissing your head softly.

You stayed in his arms until your sobs lulled to an end, looking up at him. "We have to restart." You whispered, looking into his beautiful eyes. "Not just pick up where we left off, restart." He nodded, his eyes bright with hope.

"Well then, y/n, can I take you out on a ice cream date?" He asked softly, pushing your hair back. "I dunno, I've got all the ice cream I can take, this really great guy bought it for me." You spoke, smiling at him.

"Yeah, but you look like a soft serve kinda girl."

You were going to be okay.

~~~

Tag List - @m3ssytrash @drawwithaarya @memorable-fics @gdee703

If you'd like to be on my tag list permanently or for a specific Character, pm me

[a-singleboat]

Locked In

Word Count: 4.1k

Request: great! you’re a really good writer! could I get a Shayne Topp x Reader where they end up doing a bunch of romantic scenes together in a sketch, like slow dancing and a nice dinner and the cuddles, and you guys have been flirting constantly for months and after the shoot Damien, Court, Ian and everyone lock you two in a room because they’re TIRED of it not going anywhere - @mrtopphaasmyheart​

A/N: this actually turned out a lot longer than i thought it would... sorry not sorry!

It was Saturday night when they emailed out the filming schedules for the upcoming month. You were sitting at home, reading a book and being “insanely boring” as your friends had so eloquently put it. 

But as much as you had wanted to go out with your old college friends, that week of filming had really taken a toll on you and your body. Now, as a YouTube personality, you weren’t required to do your own stunts due to the fact that stuffed dolls could easily take your place for comedic effect. However, being a former stuntwoman for a few months during college, you loved the adrenaline crashing through a window or two gave you. 

As Smosh’s stunt coordinator, that meant you weren’t on screen as often as your coworkers. Which is why the upcoming month’s filming schedule shocked you. Aside from a Try Not to Laugh and a few Smosh Gaming videos, you were also scheduled in an Every Blank Ever. Namely, the Every Valentine's Day Ever video. 

Considering Valentine’s Day was a little less than a month out, it wasn’t weird that they wanted to get this video recorded and on its way to editing. What was weird was the fact that most of your filming blocks aligned with Shayne Topp’s. 

It wasn’t a secret that you were the group flirt. Next to Courtney, you were both the most notorious for flirting with your coworkers on screen and, in your case, off. 

But with Shayne… It started five months ago. Five months ago, your harmless flirting turned into something a little more than for-good-fun. 

Five months ago, the flirty little winks you sent in his direction meant more than something friendly and the words exchanged turned into something more than just words. But you were sure that was all you. 

There was no way Shayne felt the same for you. After all, he was an extremely friendly guy and he acted that way to everyone. That was your best defense. That he was just really nice. 

You shook your head as if the motion would shake the thoughts from your mind. You closed your book and laptop, shoving both items off to the side. You reached over and clicked your bedside lamp off, settling in for the night. 

You’d figure it out in the morning, you decided, closing your eyes and letting sleep take you off to another world.

The next morning, you met up with Courtney and Olivia for your weekly Sunday brunches. You had settled on a new place, rather than your regular brunch spot. The only difference was this place offered outdoor seating, which was nice despite the fact that it was still January and it was sixty degrees Fahrenheit. 

You guessed you could blame the warmer-than-average weather on global warming. 

“What’d you do yesterday, Olivia?” you asked as Courtney wrapped up her recount on the movie night she had with one of her many siblings. They had gone out to watch The Turning, much to her sister’s amusement and to Courtney’s torture. 

“I just hung out with Sam,” Olivia revealed, shrugging. “Wrote in my filming schedule in my planner.”

You took a sip of your mimosa, nodding along. “Yeah, I had a mellow weekend too.” 

Courtney kicked your foot under the table. “But did you see who you were paired with for, like, eighty percent of the scenes, Y/n?”

You shrugged, setting your drink down. “Shayne? Yeah, I saw it.”

Courtney poked you this time. “For the Valentine’s scenes. You know, the romantic stuff!”

She wiggled her eyebrows as you fought to keep the smile off your face. “We won’t even be shooting those until Wednesday.”

You and Shayne had about three or four romantic scenes in the Every Blank Ever, marked ‘Breakfast in Bed,’ ‘Dinner,’ ‘Proposal’ (which was a continuation of ‘Dinner’), and one unspecified scene. You figured they’d tell you what the unspecified scene was when it came time to film it. 

“So that means you have until Wednesday to fantasize all about it,” Olivia said, wiggling her fingers like she was a wizard spreading magic. 

You laughed slightly, shaking your head. You held up a hand and asked your waiter for your check. You thanked them when they brought over the little black book, shooing off your two friends as they tried to poke fun of you. 

As the baby of the group, you figured a little teasing was warranted. It came with the territory. 

But by the time Wednesday rolled around, you figured your status of the baby of the group wouldn’t help you much. 

Sarah Whittle, one of your bosses, stood near you as you did up your own makeup. She was waiting patiently for the curler to heat up so she could do up your hair, making you feel much like she was your mom helping you get ready for Prom night. 

“You ready for today's scenes, Y/l?” she asked in a teasing manner. 

You rolled your eyes and took a break from applying your mascara to stick your tongue out at the older woman like the child you were. 

“It’s the breakfast in bed scene first,” you complained as you nearly poked your eye out with the wand. “Why do I need to have my hair curled if I just woke up?”

Sarah picked up the curler after sliding on the black cloth glove that was designed so that she couldn’t burn herself too badly with the heated stick of metal. 

“Well, you’re going to be wearing a hair covering for this scene so your curls can set for the dinner scene,” Sarah explained before winking. “Plus, it’d be less work for me later.”

Since Sarah had already sectioned off your hair, it made it easier for her to curl the pieces and then pin them up with bobby pins to keep them secure. Once she finished, she reached over and grabbed a patterned shower cap and slid it on over the little bundles of curled hair. 

She explained that the residue heat would essentially act like one of those giant hair dryers that you would sit under at a hair salon, but with less health risks. 

After you were finished with hair and makeup, you were ushered off to costume where you were given a nightgown and a robe.

You thanked whatever deity was up there that you had been provided a robe before making your way to set, passing a dressed up Courtney, who waved enthusiastically at you. You resisted the urge to jokingly throw up the middle finger at your friend, instead choosing to wave back and give a tight smile that showed off your discomfort. 

Thankfully, Ian was the scene’s director, which immediately put you at ease. It wasn’t that you had anything against the others. In fact, you loved being able to work with Ryan. It was just the fact that since coining Ian as your Smosh dad, you found it easier to perform better in scenes like these if someone you had already been emotionally vulnerable with was the one behind the steering wheel.

“Okay,” Ian said, clapping his hands together. “Y/n, you’re going to wake up and maybe yawn a little, and then Shayne is going to come in with a tray of food. I want you to take a bite, and chew through it while pretending you like it. You got that?”

You shucked your robe, handing it off to one of the assistants that were on hand. You gave him a thumbs up before settling into the bed, moving down so it looked like you were sleeping. 

You waited, counted three breaths, before you heard Ian call, “Action.”

You waited two more breaths before ‘waking up,’ yawning and groggily rubbing your eyes. You sat up in bed, moving yourself so that your back was flush to the headboard. 

“Good morning, Sweetie,” Shayne said, pretending to have come through a door. He made his way over to the bed and set the tray over your lap. You smiled at him, imagining what domestic life with Shayne would actually be like.

“Good morning,” you replied, remembering that this was a scripted moment. “What’d you make for me?”

Shayne settled into the bed next to you, pointing at each item as he listed them off. “I made the pancakes I made you on our first morning together, as well as the scrambled eggs that I know you love so much, and I got you some orange juice in a mug with a heart on it that I found from our local flea market.”

You acted like it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for you. Putting on a face that would read to the audience that you two were madly in love. “Oh, honey. I love it, thank you!”

You kissed his cheek, thinking nothing of it as you moved onto the next part of Ian’s directions to you. You put a spoonful of eggs into your mouth, making a face at the ‘taste.’

“Do you like it?” Shayne asked, still in character. 

You made a face that was halfway between joy and disgust, acting like it was the worst thing you’ve ever eaten. “It’s great, Steve.”

Ian called for a cut and you reached out beside you as the assistant from earlier rushed to hand you a bucket. You spat out the food, scraping your teeth along your tongue to get the residue egg out of your mouth. 

She handed your your robe next, to which you replied, “Thank you, Julia,” before pulling the article of clothing on. 

Shayne threw an arm around your shoulders as you got out of bed, pulling you back and wrapping his arms around you. You laughed, feeling your cheeks burn with half embarrassment and half oh-my-God-what-is-he-doing. 

“They got us up this early, they can give us a few minutes to nap,” he declared, settling his head atop yours the best he could in the awkward position he had put you in. It was nothing new, Shayne being touchy with you, but this time was different. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint what, but you knew something had changed. 

Maybe it was the fact that you had just filmed a scene in which you both were a couple. The fake engagement ring that sat on your finger reminded you of that. The fact that this was fake. 

“Come on,” Ian scolded, a laugh also written across his face. “The sooner you both get through the next three scenes, the sooner you can go home.” 

You wriggled out of Shayne’s grasp, laughing as he tried to tickle your sides. It wasn’t the fact that you were insanely ticklish, no. It was the fact that his hands on you felt so undeniably right, that your brain had thought of no other reaction but to laugh. 

“Alright,” you surrendered, “I’ll go. I’ll see you at dinner, Mr. Topp.” 

He kneeled on the bed, raising up from his sitting position. He bent at the waist jokingly, a goofy grin on his face. 

“Until then, Ms. Y/l.” 

You gave him a two-finger salute in farewell before disappearing from set, making your way back to hair and makeup. There, Sarah awaited you, anxious to take out the pins and reveal her ‘masterpiece.’

Once your hair was revealed, which did look insanely good, you set to work on applying a modest amount of makeup, knowing that the amount of lights on the set would even out your complexion. 

From years in show business, you’d learned that a healthy medium between your normal everyday makeup and stage makeup was the way to go when filming in a closed set. As far as you knew, you wouldn’t be filming outside or in any dark or enclosed spaces. 

When you were carted off to costume, you were glad to trade out your nightgown and robe with a red dress that really did flatter your figure in the best ways. You gave Lindsay a spin when she asked you to before being carted off to set for the second time that day. 

Luckily, you’d be in the same outfit for the next three scenes you had to film that day, which meant no more back and forth between departments. 

You thanked whatever deity was up there because ten minutes in and the heels Lindsay had put you in were already cutting off circulation to your toes. 

“Okay,” Ian said, and clapped again. It was a habit of his that didn’t look like it was going anywhere soon. “For this scene, we’re going to film the dinner and proposal all in one and splice it in editing and whatever. I’ll stop you if I want to give a little more direction, but you know what you’re doing and so does Shayne.”

You smiled at Ian’s attempt at easing up your nerves. No matter how fake, getting proposed to was always a nerve-wracking experience. 

Shayne walked up to set next, dressed up and looking a little extra fancy. 

You bumped his hip as they set up the scene, threading your arms through his. “You clean up nice.”

He smirked. “I could say the same for you, Y/n.”

You felt the heat rise into your cheeks, hating that Shayne could get any kind of reaction from you. 

You heard Ian call action and immediately started walking. The two of you gossiped about the “hot new Italian restaurant” your boss recommended before arriving at the entrance. 

“Hello,” Damien greeted them, an Italian accent gracing his lips. “Do you have a reservation with us tonight?”

Shayne stepped forward a little. “Yes, Copper. That’s C-O-P-P-E-R.”

“Copper,” Damien repeated, though his accent botched the pronunciation a little for comedic effect. “Ah, yes. C-O-P-P-E-R. Right this way.”

Damien ‘led’ you to your table, though in all reality, the cameras cut as the set changed slightly, the restaurant tables coming in and some of your coworkers coming in to fill the seats around you. 

Damien asked for your order in proper waiter fashion before dashing off to ‘fetch your drinks.’

You leaned in, tucking some hair behind your ear as to not obscure your face from the cameras. “Babe, this place is really fancy. Are you sure you can afford this?”

Shayne scoffed and brushed you off. “Of course, I can afford this!”

He made a joke loudly, and you laughed nervously, looking around and apologizing to the other patrons of the bar as scripted. 

“Babe,” you hissed. “Quiet down, people are staring!”

He scoffed again, doing his little bit before returning to the script. 

“Let them stare!” he announced, climbing onto the table. Your eyes widened as you held onto the table, even though you fully well knew that it was bolted down to the set. 

“Ramona, I am in love with you and have been since I first swiped right,” he declared, putting his hand to his heart. He jumped off the table and leaned over to another table, taking the engagement ring right off an extra’s finger. 

You watched as she acted offended, storming off with her fiance. 

You returned your attention to Shayne, who was down on one knee in front of you. “Ramona, will you marry me?” 

You looked around, acting shocked and repulsed by what had just taken place. You gave it a few moments, waiting for the comedic timing to line up, before bursting out into fake tears and saying yes. 

The crowd around you burst into cheers, you could hear your coworkers clapping and calling out congratulations as Shayne held you in his arms. 

Ian called cut but Shayne didn’t let you go, holding you around the waist with one arm instead of two. 

You saw Ian and Courtney exchanged glances with Damien, but thought nothing of it, enjoying the feeling of Shayne’s arms around you. You looked up at him, staring into his bright baby blues. 

“What do you think the next scene is?” you asked him, leaning into his side. His arm tightened around you.

“I don’t know but I hope it's something to do with dessert,” you said excitedly. 

Shayne cocked an eyebrow at you, causing you to realize the secondary meaning to your words. You slapped his pec, unsurprisingly meeting the hard muscle there, before slapping yourself in the face for not realizing it sooner.

“That’s not what I meant,” you insisted, separating yourself from him. You crossed your arms over your chest as he laughed at what you had said. You ended up laughing a little as well, walking away from the set and kicking off the heels. 

While they were absolutely beautiful, they also made your feet hurt like hell. The assistant, Julia, offered you your casual shoes and you took them, making a mental note to get the woman a gift basket or something sometime in the future. 

Ian came up to you as you were sliding on your Crocs, clicking the toes together happily as your feet were enveloped in the surprisingly comfy croslite. 

“You ready for this next scene?” Ian asked, taking a sip out of his mug. It was nearing lunchtime now, meaning they had less than an hour to film this next bit. 

“Does that mean you’re going to finally let me know what the scene is?” you asked, quirking an eyebrow. He chuckled and patted your back. 

“You’ll figure it out,” he said, clapping your shoulder. “It’s all improv but you’re both extremely great at that!”

You winced at his tone of voice, not believing him at all yet you allowed him to lead you and Shayne into one of the prop closets, already decked out with studio lights and everything.

The presence of the lights put your mind at ease and considering you were wearing a red dress paired with your bright yellow crocs, you crossed your fingers in hopes that they weren’t about to record anything past waist level. 

Ian pushed Shayne into the closet slightly, causing the man to tumble into you. He caught you around the waist while reflexively grabbing hold of a shelf fixed to one of the walls. You felt the heat rush to your cheeks once more, glad that his attention was more focused on making sure the two of you weren’t about to collapse onto the floor right then and there. 

Once he got the two of you back on your own two feet, you wheeled around, ready to confront Ian but was met with a closed prop door. 

You approached the door knob and twisted it, to find that it was locked. You shook it in hopes that this was one of the closets that would just slide open to no avail. You and Shayne were stuck in the closet with one of the hottest stage lights the company owned. 

“We’ll be back in thirty minutes,” you heard Ian call out, the sounds of Courtney and Damien snickering coming from beyond the door. 

“You’re dead, Hecox!” you shouted before resigning. “They’re not gonna let us out in thirty, minutes, are they?”

Shayne chuckled, trying to make the best of the situation. He had already made himself comfy on one of the wooden chests. 

Then, the stage light shut off and that’s when the panic set in. 

“Oh, my God,” you freaked, eyes going wide. The only light was now the half-dead emergency bulb in the ceiling of the prop closet, leaving the both of you in what was essentially the dark. You turned around and started to pound on the door, calling for your boss, Courtney, anybody. At one point, you found yourself calling for the assistant that had followed you around all day. 

“We’re going to die in here,” you lamented, leaning up against a wall. 

Shayne hopped off the chest and came over to you, grabbing your arm and pulling you into his chest. 

“We’ll be fine,” he comforted. “It was probably just a blackout. We’ve been getting them around the studios pretty often recently. They’ll probably come back for us in a few minutes when they realize that the building’s powerless.

You nodded, calming yourself down in his arms. He was right. The crew wouldn’t leave you in here during a blackout… would they?

You started to think about how much of a safety and fire hazard leaving the two of you in here would be and started to panic again. 

“Shayne,” you whimpered. “What if they can’t get back to us? If the building is on lock down then they wouldn’t be able to use their key cards to get us out and I don’t even think Ian remembers where he put the backup keys and--”

You were cut off by a pair of lips covering yours. You let out a muffled noise of surprise, before closing your eyes and leaning into the kiss. Your hands flew to his hair as he pulled you even closer, if humanly possible. 

Now, when someone tells you that the fireworks aren’t real, they probably weren’t doing it right because here, with Shayne, it was like the Fourth of July. You felt the lust, the passion, the absolute adoration for the man that held you in his arms well up inside you until you had to pull away for air. 

You pulled back, struggling to regain control over your breathing. You looked up into his brilliant baby blues and searched for a reason behind what he had just done. 

“Uh,” he licked his lips, “you were panicking and I had to do something so that you wouldn’t pass out or--”

You cut him off that time, standing up on your toes to meet him with another kiss, just as passionate as the last. 

“What was that for?” he asked, when you finally pulled back. 

You bit your lip. “I’ve liked you for a long time,” you finally admitted. “And it sucks that it took our coworkers locking us in a room together that I finally grew up and did something about it.”

Shayne glanced at the still-closed doors. “Yeah, those assholes. Forcing me to get kissed twice by the woman that I am deeply infatuated with.”

He kissed you again, laughing as your lips met. You pulled back and kissed his cheek and then down his jaw, settling one last kiss over his lips for good measure. 

“You know, we should totally fuck with them,” you proposed, a hint of playfulness behind your eyes. “And then go home and figure this out on our own terms.”

Shayne’s eyes met yours with the same intentions behind his eyes as yours. “Are you thinking that I’m thinking?”

You nodded before kissing him again, and again, and again…

It was forty-five minutes later until your coworkers came to your rescue. 

Putting your plan into action, you crossed your arms and turned your head away from him. You were sure there were still black tear marks down your face from when you had started crying earlier, after realizing the power in the building had gone out. 

Ian was the first to apologize upon seeing your disheveled state. Thankfully, he had taken the state of your hair and makeup as a sign you were actually distraught. He apologized, along with the others, for locking you in the prop closet in the first place. 

You told them it was okay and that you just wanted to go home after the ordeal you had been through. 

Surprisingly, you had managed to escape the building an hour later. You met Shayne by your car, giggling as he grabbed you around the waist. He peppered your face with kisses before setting you down, allowing you to unlock your car. 

He entered from the other side as you thanked whatever deity was up there for making today one of the days he had decided to carpool with Damien. His excuse was that he was just going to Uber back to his place, seeing as it wasn’t that far from the studio.

Although that was a load of bull, the two of you were heading back to your apartment to work things out. 

“Those idiots,” Shayne joked as you pulled out of the lot. “They were none the wiser.”

You laughed as you drove away from the building. “I’m sure they’ll figure it out by tomorrow. After all, I’m your ride in tomorrow.”

Shayne shrugged, reaching over the console to grab your hand. “I’m fine with that. As long as I get you all to myself for tonight.” 

“I’m fine with that,” you said, a grin on your face. You would spend an eternity with him if it meant you got moments like these in the future. And you were fine with that.

[chaoticallysapphic]

the great divide part four

summary: Who knew that eight words would be your undoing. If you had known then what you know now you wouldn't have signed up for Suyin's dance troupe, you probably would have left Zaofu just to be safe. But you didn't and fate had branded you with a path that chained you to someone who would break your heart. 

a/n: This is an 18+ chapter, if you aren’t an adult please do not read. As always thank you to the amazing @medeliadracon​ for beta reading this

word count: 4k

You don’t know how you're going to pull off a lie this big, when it came to the secrecy of your relationship with Kuvira it was more like omitting the truth, you technically are close friends you just didn’t elaborate on how close. 

Before today that was the biggest lie you’ve kept, but as you slowly drive to the front terminal of the main dome you realize how much easier it was to keep because you weren’t keeping it from her. 

Instead of speeding off towards your destination, you take your time, the sooner you arrive the sooner Kuvira would send men to look for Suyin and Zhu Li. Part of you desperately wants to floor it, Wei didn’t hold back from his punch and now you feel the beginning of a splitting headache seep through your head. 

But you’ll be fine, a little pain will be okay so long as everyone is safe. When you get a bit closer, the sight before you has you stepping on the brakes. The domes… They’re gone. The sun has been down for hours and yet the city is visible as the metal that once protected it is laying on the ground. What has she done?

Your heart pounds as you pull up to the entrance of the city, some guards are standing by the empty tram when you pull up. Killing the engine you jump out and grab your chest from the trunk. “Why are you alone?” One of the men asked, most likely the one in charge of this section. 

“Something happened, I need to see Kuvira immediately.” The authoritative tone of your voice, a way you’ve never really spoken before, sets the guards in motion. One of them takes your chest and gently places it inside whilst the other heads into the operating booth. You step inside the empty vehicle and sit down by a window. 

The doors snap shut and with a slight jolt, the tram comes to life. You nervously fiddle with your hands as you try to come up with lies for any questions she may fire your way. The entire ride you keep your gaze on your lap, not wanting to see what's become of your hometown. You don’t want to see your parents anymore, not until you’ve achieved your goal. The idea of them seeing you, thinking you're on the wrong side of history makes you sick to your stomach.

After a few minutes, the tram comes to a gentle stop and the doors open up, when you look out you realize you're in the Beifong dome, there’s a residential area in here as well but it mainly consists of the family grounds. A guard steps in and takes your chest for you. 

“I’m meant to take you to Kuvira” he explains, his eyes stray to your cheek for a moment. You stare back until he realizes he’s been caught. His eyes widen as he clears his throat and begins to walk off. You follow after him, keeping your gaze straight ahead. 

It shouldn’t shock you, but when he leads you into the Beifong estate, you can’t help but feel like you don’t belong. The only other time you’ve been inside here was a few days ago when you tried to peacefully convince Suyin to concede but it feels like forever ago. 

You lose count of how many turns you take before he reaches a sitting room, different from the other one, that has it’s doors already open. Kuvira is sitting on the couch with a clenched jaw whilst Baatar is standing by the alcohol cart. When you both step inside, Kuvira’s eyes snap to you, her gaze darkens as it settles on your face and she immediately gets up to walk over to you. 

“What happened, where’s General Yin?” She barks out, her fingers reach up to lightly touch the bruise. Upon contact you flinch away, hissing in pain and her gaze softens. Baatar looks over his shoulder and scoffs at the sight of you as he downs his drink. 

“I…” you begin, your voice shakes. “He attacked me.” Baatar looks at you with a brow quirked in skepticism. 

Kuvira’s fast reddens in anger, “what do you mean he attacked you?” 

“H-He and Zhu Li they were… I guess working together I don’t know it’s a blur.” She stares you down and you feel so small under her frightening glare. What could make this more believable? You think, and it hits you, tears. 

You’ve never tried to cry on demand before but you squeeze your eyes shut as you force flashes of some of your worst nightmares to play before your eyes. 

Kuvira admits she loves Baatar. 

Your parents dying. 

Her… dying.

All three squeeze at your heart but your pesky brain focuses on the last one. An image of her laying on the rubble of a building with a rod stuck in her stomach as blood drips from her mouth. Her skin is becoming paler by the second and no matter how loudly you scream for help, everyone around you stands and watches as she dies in your arms.

Hands gently cup your jaw and pull you out of your torture, Kuvira’s glare has vanished as she tries to wipe away your tears. “What do you remember?” 

Her voice is soft now, soothing even. You let out a shaky breath as you force yourself to focus on that awful scene. “He stopped the car a-and they both got out. She tried to make me come with but I wouldn’t and…” 

You hear Baatar spit out “spirits,” as he refills his glass. Kuvira stays quiet as she listens, silently urging you to continue. 

“He got so angry, they… um they fought about it and I tried to stop them both but he got so angry at me for messing up their plan that he... “ You gulp, “I woke up with a dart stuck in my neck.” 

“Where’s the dart?” Baatar calls out, Kuvira rolls her eyes at his question as she reluctantly drops her hands and takes a step back. You dig your hand into your jacket and fiddle with it, your hands are clammy so it keeps slipping. Finally, your fingers wrap around it and you pull it out for Kuvira to see. 

She grabs it from your hand and growls out “this is one of our own.” She looks into your eyes once more, at your messy appearance and tears rushing down your face. Your mind twists the image of her death, in this version her death is your fault… You didn’t do enough, didn’t stop this in time and she paid the price of your inability. You choke out a sob at the idea of her wheezing as blood gushes from her head. “Let’s get you to your room.” 

Kuvira settles a hand on your shoulder and leads you away, the guard with your chest follows as you walk down the winding hallway before stopping at a large door. The guard opens it up and places your chest at the foot of your bed before scurrying out. He closes the door behind him, leaving the two of you alone. Kuvira flicks her wrist, effectively bending the lock into place before pulling you into her arms. 

You grip the back of her shirt as you continue to cry, you can’t will the image away now no matter how hard you try. It’s ingrained in your brain, clawed itself into the deepest corners of your mind, and settled in for life. 

“You're safe,” she says softly, one of her hands running through your hair. “I won’t let anyone ever lay a hand on you ever again.” She kisses the top of your head before gently tugging you towards the bathroom. She lets go of your hand and begins to fill the bathtub up with water. You bend your armor off then take off your clothes. Your eyes never leave her form as she grabs some oils and bubbles from a cabinet and pours some in, a rosy fragrance fills the room as the bubbles multiple. 

Kuvira turns the water off and turns to look at you. “Will you… get in with me?” Kuvira nods and helps you get in the tub before beginning to undress. You pull your legs up to your chest and space out as you look at all the bubbles in front of you. 

You don’t think you’ve taken a bath with her before. The showers on the train were small and she’d usually enter your room a little bit after midnight. She climbs in behind you and slides her legs on either side of your hips. You rest your head on her chest and sigh. Being close to her like this helps ease your fears and worries. 

The Beifongs are hopefully far away from here by now, and Kuvira is very much alive as she wraps her arms around your waist. You think she bought your lie, you think if she didn’t you wouldn’t be taking a bath right now. 

At some point she cleans the dirt off your face with a wet cloth, she avoids your bruised cheek though. With her free hand, she brings her thumb up and gently places it on your lip as her fingers gently grip your chin to make you look at her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” 

“It’s not your fault, Vira.” You press a kiss to her thumb as your hand trails up to her cheek. She leans into your touch, the two of you sit there staring at each other until you feel your skin turn pruny. 

Reluctantly you both get out of the bath and wrap each other in robes, she pulls you into a soft kiss that you eagerly reciprocate, one of your hands went up to her bun and pulled out the pins keeping it in place. Her black waves fall around her shoulders in a beautiful mess of curls, you think, while you pull away from her, how lucky you are to have been given such a beautiful soulmate. 

“It is my fault, everyone knows I’m close to you and the target on my back grows larger with every day that passes. What if next time they kill you?” Her voice cracks at the end and your heart breaks because you just had a bit of a breakdown at the idea of losing her, so you understand.

“I am not going to die, I promise. I don’t think anyone is stupid enough to try that.” People may not know that you're her soulmate but they do know that you two are very close. She runs her fingers through your hair and sighs. She pulls you out of the bathroom and towards the bed where she begins to untie your robe. 

You flush as Kuvira slides it off your shoulders and lets it fall to the ground, at the sight of your naked form she groans before pulling you into a gentle kiss, her hands come up to cup your face- for the side that's bruised her hand lays on your jaw- as she softly licks your bottom lip and you open your mouth up for her as you wrap your arms around her neck.

As her tongue caresses your own, you feel something wet drop onto your face that has you slowly pulling away and opening up your eyes. She’s crying. “Vira…” 

Her lips brush against your own as she says in a pained voice “I thought you left me when an hour went by without your arrival.” Your heart clenches. You begin to kiss away her tears, she squeezes her eyes shut as you try to ease her worries, her fears. 

“I’ll never leave you,” you whisper in her ear, your lips trailing down her neck as you leave soft kisses against her tan skin. “I might be upset but I will never leave, love you too much to leave.” She pulls you into another kiss, this one a bit more forceful, she’s trying to fill herself up with you to keep surviving, you're her fuel and she’s running low. 

She slowly walks you backward until your knees hit the edge of the bed, you fall onto the plush mountain of pillows as Kuvira unties her robe before straddling your hips. “I love you,” she murmurs as she kisses your neck, one of her hands placed beside your head to hold herself up while the other slowly run down your side, her fingers light as a feather. 

Those soft lips you love oh so much trail down your collarbone, she places a kiss right between your breasts before lifting her head to lay a soft kiss to each nipple, you arch your back, letting out a soft whine as she softly licks at one of them, then blows onto it. She repeats herself with your other one before continuing to trail her kisses down to your core. 

Kuvira kisses your hip bones before nuzzling her face in your stomach and sighing. One of your hands goes to softly grip her hair and she looks up at you through her lashes with her gaze so full of love it leaves you frozen in its wake. Kuvira places a kiss on your stomach before trailing down once more. She leaves a soft kiss on your pubic bone before she slowly ducks down and licks a strip up your slit. You let out a sigh of relief and wiggle your hips, trying to get more out of her. 

She uses her fingers to spread you open as her other arm drapes itself across your stomach to keep you in place. Kuvira continues to slowly lick up a few more times, each time her tongue reaches your clit she applies a bit more pressure, leaving you a panting mess in need of more. 

Finally, as if deciding you’ve suffered enough she dips her tongue inside you. You throw your head back as she uses her thumb to gently rub at your clit, her gentleness is so different from her usual rough behavior in bed (not that you mind, you love both sides of her) but you don’t think she’s been this slow and loving with you since her engagement. 

Kuvira pulls her tongue out of you and replaces it with fingers, her mouth immediately gets to your bundle of nerves where she wraps her lips around your clit and sucks. The arm thrown across your hips moves, her hand going to squeeze at your breast. “Fuck… Vira,” you moan out as she continues to pump her fingers deep inside you at an agonizingly slow pace. 

She removes her lips from you for a moment to say through pants “I just wanna feel you, all of you,” before diving back in. Both of your hands tightly grip at her black tresses, pulling a moan out of her that vibrates against you. She feels you clench around her fingers so Kuvira adds a third and slightly picks up her speed. It’s not as fast as she usually goes but she wants to gently pull it from you, wants to take her time with you because she was so sure you’d finally left her. 

“Come for me, love. Please.” She says, having briefly pulled away from you, she’s swirling her tongue around your clit with her fingers curling inside you, her hand once squeezing your breast is now gently rolling your nipple between her fingers. When she thrusts her fingers back into you, you snap. A string of loud, breathy moans escapes you as you ground yourself on her fingers and let go. 

She fucks you through your orgasm, licking around her fingers as she continues to pump into you. When you feel yourself slowly come down, you gently try to pry Kuvira off of your sensitive core. She resists and instead pulls out her fingers which she happily sucks clean, her gaze locking with your own. When she’s sucked off all of you, she leans down and licks you clean. You jolt at the feeling of her tongue licking up your slit and let out a soft cry, “Kuvira.” 

Once she deems you clean enough she pulls away and leaves a soft kiss on both of your inner thighs before climbing up to kiss you. You moan as you taste yourself on her and eagerly grant her access to your mouth where you both softly run your tongues across one another. You ease your grip on her hair and slowly move them down to cup her cheeks. 

You both kiss each other for a few minutes with your legs wrapped tightly around her hips before you slowly pull away, with both hands on her shoulders you flip the two of you around so you're on top, she laughs, full-on wide smile, head thrown back laugh and you grin. 

“My turn,” you say, kissing that spot right under her ear, and her laughter halts as her breath hitches in her throat. You place a knee between her legs, situated against her core and she immediately rubs herself against it, she’s already so wet which you know is from getting you off. Kuvira might be the dominant one out of the two of you, but she got off on pleasuring you. 

“Y/n '' she moans out as you trail your lips down to her breasts, knowing that her neck is off limits you begin to litter her chest and shoulders with as many lovebites as you can, she continues to grind herself against you. Something about her so desperately trying to get off on your leg has you moaning as you wrap your lips around her nipple, you look up at her through your lashes. The sight is a masterpiece, Kuvira’s head is thrown to the side, half-buried in a pillow as she lets out sharp pants with love bites scattered across her tan skin. 

You release her nipple, taking the neglected one into your mouth and swirling your tongue around the hardening bud. Giving a gentle tug that has her reaching to pull your hair, you let go of it and crawl down. You remove your leg from Kuvira’s core, causing her to emit a frustrated groan.

But you ignore her, when you get down to her lower regions your eyes land on her soulmate mark etched across her left hip bone, “Would you mind helping me memorize the routine?” glares back at you. It seems like yesterday that you nervously walked up to the woman you thought was just so beautiful and said those words. You press a gentle kiss to her mark, Kuvira looks down at you with this gaze full of unending love that makes you want to cry. 

You pull away from her and work you way down to her glistening slit, her slickness is covering her thighs, and fuck, Kuvira never loses control like this. You press a trail of kisses up her right inner thigh, once you get to the very top you lick her thigh clean before turning to do the same to the other. 

Finally, you decide enough is enough and press your tongue inside of her, swirling around and caressing her walls. Kuvira lets out a raspy gasp and she pushes herself against you, loving the way you're making her feel. You gently press your thumb against her clit, adding a bit of pressure before rolling it between two of your fingers. Goodness, Kuvira tastes amazing and you don’t think you’ll ever get tired of her, you fervently keep going, your tongue slowly darting in and out as it licks up any of her cum and soon Kuvira clenching against you, her thighs came up to wrap around your head but you don’t mind, it just makes you go faster, trying so desperately to push her over the edge.

“I’m… I’m gonna” she moans out as she tilts her hips up and lets out a scream that has her biting the pillow beside her. You hum in approval as she lets go and licks her up like you're a starved woman. Slowly her legs loosen and then fall back down, her thighs shaking as you pull away from her. You pant as you try to catch your breath, some of her cum drips down your chin and onto your chest, the sight has Kuvira’s eyes widening in delight.

 You climb off the bed and grab two towels, one of them you use to wipe your face off and between your legs whilst the other is for your lover. You climb back up and gently wipe away the mess you’ve made, she grabs your hand and tugs you forward, effectively getting you to fall onto the bed. You toss the dirty towel behind you and pull her close, resting your head on her chest. 

“I love you,” she says, her voice is raspy and low from her screaming. You press an innocent kiss to her chest and whisper back “I love you too.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Perhaps it’s the fact that your sleeping in a new place or the fact that your tongue fucking caused her to sleep in. All you know is that when you open your eyes, the sun is up and has cast the room in an ethereal type glow. Your heart drops as you hear the sounds of the guards outside practicing fighting in what once was the meteorite garden and people walking past your bedroom door. 

“Vira…” You whisper and gently shake her awake. Your lover’s eyes slowly flicker open and stare back at you in confusion. “Vira everyone's awake.” 

The effectively wakes her up, she pushes you off of her and looks around the room in a panic, her hair is an absolute mess that has you swell with pride, and your eyes land on her chest. Spirits you did a number on her. She immediately gets up and looks around for her clothes, not even bothering to put her robe on. You get up to help her, as you make your way to the bathroom to search, you both stop dead in your tracks. 

There’s incessant knocking at your door, well more like slamming, it stops for a moment and you wonder if the person has left but your hopes are dashed when in an all too familiar nasally voice you hear “Y/n let me in!” 

“Why?!” You shout back as you shove your lover in the bathroom, she closes the doors behind her and you quickly throw on and tie up a robe. When you walk past the large mirror by the door you stop, there is no denying what just went on in here. Spirits the smell is still here, but then a thought strikes you as he goes back to pounding on the door. 

Baatar is necessary for Kuvira to succeed… And you don’t want her too. You let out a deep sigh, preparing yourself for what's about to happen before unlocking the door. The second he hears the click of the locks he’s opening the door himself and pushing through, you stumble back and glare at him. “What the fuck, Baatar?” 

“The staff said she didn’t leave this room last night, so where is she?” He growls out. Baatar pushes past you and looks around the room, taking in the tossed cloths, extra robe on the floor, and rumbled sheets. “Spirits Baatar I know you hate our friendship but do you really think you have the right to act like this?” 

“It’s lunchtime,” he spits out, spinning around to stalk towards you. “She is up at the crack of dawn every morning to practice her bending and go over any paperwork that may have accumulated, then we eat breakfast together and go over blueprints that I made!” He points to himself, screaming out the end of his sentence. Out of fear maybe, or pent up anger you honestly don’t know, you slap him across the face.

The sound echoes through the grandiose room as he holds his reddened cheek. “What are you trying to say, Junior?” 

“I know your in love with her, you practically eye fuck her anytime she enters a room, it’s so disgusting and desperate and I know she is still here so where is she?” You want to bend the metal around him and fling him through the glass window, but he needs to know. He needs to find out. 

“I don’t know you,” you lie, your eyes flickering to the bathroom door. Baatar looks over his shoulder at where your gaze strayed before stalking over and wrenching open the double doors. Inside is Kuvira, hair still a mess with her boots and pants on in the middle of buttoning up her shirt. All of your bite marks are on display for him to see. 

“Baatar…” She begins, his face is beet red with his fists clenched at his sides. “I can explain.” 

“How long have you been with her? How long have you been lying to me!” He tries to get in her face as he did to you. You think he’d have learned after you slapped him but it seems the lesson didn’t stick. Kuvira bends a large piece of metal off the wall and pushes him back with it. Baatar goes flying onto his back and slams into the foot of the bed. 

“I don’t answer to you, I don’t know what makes you think you could ever treat me like that, I am the great uniter and I do not take lightly to men trying to instill fear in me,” she growls out. Stalking towards him with her shirt still unbuttoned, she grabs onto the collar of his shirt and pulls him up into a sitting position. Her face is so close to his, “I wanted to keep you around after I broke it to you, but if this is how you're going to act, then I might as well lock you up like I did your family.” 

His eyes widen as Kuvira calls for the guards, “at least tell me how long, how long did you make a fool out of me?” 

“Three years,” you answer. His mouth drops open in shock as the guard's filter in, “take him away and lock him up. I’ll stop by to talk to him later.” The guards grab him by the arms to drag him away, he doesn’t stop them as he tries to process your words. Three years.

[askdjphantasmagloria]

Smooth Operator (Rewritten)

So, yeah. I decided to rewrite Smooth Operator because I didn’t like how it was written. Here’s how I think it should’ve played out. I hope you like it!

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗

It was dark, cold, and frightful. A lock of red hair whooshes by as a hooded figure rushes through the bushes. They had just had an encounter with a terrifying creature and they were trying to get out of the forest as fast as they could. Little did they know that they would soon stumble upon Queen Poppy and the other TrollsTopians, who were getting ready to play a wonderful round of Glitter Ball.

“Ok, for my team, my third first pick will be... Dante!” Poppy smiled as she pointed towards the Classical ambassador. Honored to be chosen, Dante smiled and bowed to the crowd before floating over to join the queen and the rest of her teammates.

The hooded figure then heard the voices and began to creep closer, their eyes squinting as they tried to remain mysterious. Slowly lifting up their hood, a scarlet red mustache began to appear...

Val Thundershock was also on the Glitter Ball field, assembling her team for the game to come. But then she took notice of the mysterious troll in the shadows and, like always, began to be suspicious. Who was this troll? What did they want? Were they a threat to the society that she and the other ambassadors worked hard to build up? “And my fourth first pick will be... the mysterious figure in the shadows.” She concluded, motioning to the figure. Confused, everybody turned around to look at the stranger that had been eavesdropping on their conversations. Knowing they had been spotted, the troll stepped forward and slowly took off their hood to reveal... my word! It was the seductive siren, the sultry-silked, the devilishly divine god of romance himself... Chaz Deveaux!

Chaz calmly smiled at the crowd, seemingly not alarmed at all by the fact that his cover was just blown by a keenly-eyed Val. Why should he be afraid? He knew what TrollsTopia was all about due to the fliers that Poppy had sent out a few weeks ago. This was finally his chance to find a family! People who would accept him for who he was! No more running, no more hiding, no more drowning in a sea of loneliness and resentment due to his ex-boyfriend dumping him for something that he couldn’t control. It all ended today.

The crowd gasped along with Poppy, who couldn’t believe that one of the bounty hunters whom she had encountered back when Queen Barb had her famous world tour managed to find their way into her beloved city! “Chaz? The Smooth Jazz troll?” She asked, in complete disbelief.

“That’s my name, darling.” Chaz calmly responded, raising an eyebrow in a curious manner. “Why are you so surprised? Was it not you who summoned me with this flier?” He asked, pulling out the piece of paper. Poppy gently took it from his hands, giving it a thorough read before her face lit up with glee. “Oh, you found it! I was worried that we’d have to use one of our scouts to track you down ourselves, but this is way easier! Yes, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. Our city is expanding but I’ve noticed a lack in diversity of music. I was wondering if maybe... you would like to join our entourage? Come live with us in TrollsTopia, Chaz!” Poppy smiled, her eyes sparkling.

Val, extremely confused by Poppy’s optimism, got in between the two of them and looked the pink cupcake-lover in the eye. “Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Poppy, aren’t you going to tell us who this is? Where did he come from, what’s with his hair, and why does he have two tigers following him around?” She asked, motioning to the two tigers that were sitting besides Chaz.

“I am Chaz Deveaux. I’m half-Classical and half-Pop. My hair is naturally like this, but I do make my own conditioners, shampoos, and lotions out of natural ingredients such as Gigglefruit juice and Sparkle Berries. Also, when you say tigers, you mean Saturn and Jupiter? These are my pet tigers. They’re the only thing I have left of my tribe after... the war. Everybody I knew and loved was stolen from me. Everybody who was still alive, died shortly after. I’m the only survivor...” Chaz explained, tears coming to his eyes as he talked about his life story.

“Aww, you poor thing! What an ordeal...” Poppy frowned. She couldn’t believe that any troll would have to go through such a thing. Let alone a guy who was seemingly so sweet and charming on the outside.

“I’m sorry... talking about it gets me all emotional. Yes, I would love to join TrollsTopia. Wherever shall I stay? You didn’t exactly mention a Smooth Jazz section in your poster the last time I checked and while I would love to reside in Classical Crest or just stay with you Pop trolls, none of those areas properly reflect... me. I need something genuine.” Chaz mentioned, brushing a lock of his hair to the side.

“Ah, yes. We don’t really have a place like that at the moment... but thankfully, my ambassadors and I are known for acting on a whim. Give us about an hour, and we’ll surprise you!” Poppy smiled, gathering the ambassadors and leading them away.

One hour later...

Poppy led Chaz along the grassy path as carefully as she could. The former bounty Hunter was blindfolded and as shown from her experience with the Trolls��� piñata festivities, being blindfolded could pose a bit of a threat to everyday life due to the one who’s eyes are being covered losing their sense of sight and therefore not being able to see what they’re doing or where they’re stepping. “A little farther. A little farther! Listen, Chaz, it breaks our hearts that you don’t feel like you belong. So, we’ve been working on a solution! I called up Barb and asked her if we could use that tiny little beach that she was going to give you back when you were hunting us down, and she said yes! If you would just stand right here...” she said, before stretching out her arms to reveal Chaz’s new home. “TADA!”

Chaz opened his eyes and gasped, his face lighting up with nothing but pure joy at the sight of his house. It was gorgeous. A beach condo made entirely out of what seemed to be marble was waiting for him along the beautiful sands of TrollsTopia’s beach. He could see everything, including the ocean stretching over the horizon. Tears began to well up in his eyes. “Poppy... it’s- it’s beautiful. Thank you...” he whispered, smiling softly.

“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet! Come on, let’s go inside!” Poppy giggled, opening the door. Once they were inside, Chaz could immediately see the luxury. A grand fireplace with a picture of him mounted over it, a soft and cuddly fur rug that was just perfect for him to swoon somebody over, comfortable plush chairs that came with built-in cup holders for the jazz troll to hold his many cups of grape wine, a grand kitchen for him to prepare his meals with only the finest ingredients (courtesy of Classical Crest), a deluxe bathroom with everything a troll needs to keep themselves tidy, and a bedroom that was all romantic-themed.

“Wow... thank you, Poppy. I know I haven’t exactly been the best to you during Queen Barb’s world tour, but I was only doing what she said because I didn’t want my music to die out! If she didn’t offer that tiny little island, I would have never even helped her in the first place!” Chaz sighed, facepalming.

“Aww, it’s ok, Chaz! You’ll always have a family here. Your days of being alone are over. Bygones are bygones. After all, my people aren’t exactly squeaky clean either. We all have our flaws. Nobody’s perfect.” Poppy comforted Chaz, giving him a hug. As he hugged back though, Poppy began to internally cringe. She didn’t REALLY believe that Chaz had changed from World Tour! How could somebody who used to EAT other trolls change in the blink of an eye?! Surely he had to be faking it!

The next day...

Chaz was a little crushed, but then he shook his head and smiled. “That’s alright... I suppose I could get used to the new paint job. It does look kind of pretty...” he laughed, trying to remain positive about the situation like he always has. He then gasped as he saw his beautiful beach littered with spray cans and other garbage. “AH! My beach...” he frowned, his heart dropping another few feet.

“Sorry, Mr. Chaz. Queen Poppy never implemented a trash disposal system, so we had no choice but to dump all of our things here. I hope you don’t mind.” Priscilla piped up, the children leaving back to their pods. After that whole mess was dealt with, Chaz decided that maybe a trip into town would make him feel better. He waved hello to any trolls that would walk by, but they all seemed... scared of him. Some would nervously wave back while others would scream and run away. He then overheard a few Classical trolls speaking to each other about Chaz’s music. “Have you ever heard anything so repulsive? Smooth jazz... what a disgrace to our genre. It’s barely a step above lounge music!” One of them said.

“Pip pip to that!” Another one agreed. “The way he obsesses over his appearance is... nasty, to put it the nicest.” A techno troll whispered. Chaz couldn’t believe it. Nobody really liked him. They were only pretending to be nice to him because Poppy said so! Now Chaz didn’t feel positive anymore. Why should he? He was in a world where it didn’t matter what he did. Everyone would always see him as a savage.

“Hey, Chaz! Are you enjoying your stay in TrollsTopia?” Poppy asked, completely oblivious to the situation. A new feeling began to bubble up in Chaz’s chest. All he could see was red. He was tired of being mistreated. It was time to fight back. “That’s it... I have had enough... enough of the stupid pranks! Enough of the mockery! AND MOST OF ALL ENOUGH OF YOU, POPPY!” Chaz growled, letting his frustration and anger merge together as his hair began flowing like a siren’s hair would when she was angry. His hair began to move like tentacles, grabbing the trolls that were around him and holding them up against a nearby rock.

“Chaz! What are you doing?!” Poppy asked, squirming in an attempt to get free. “You think I’m an idiot? I know how you guys REALLY feel about me. All I ever wanted was to be accepted. I just wanted to be loved! But you guys keep treating me like garbage... all because of something I can’t control. If you want a monster so badly, then by all that’s Trolly, I’ll be that monster!” He growled, using his hair to thrash the trolls around.

“Yo, yo, yo! I finally found the red velvet blanket, guys! Would you believe this was the last one on the shelf? What a lucky break!” Synth cheered as he walked in. He gasped, dropping his gift as he saw what was going on. “WHAT THE BARNACLES IS GOING ON HERE?!” He yelled, feeling scared and confused. Chaz turned around, smiling evilly. “Another one? No problem. I can take another.” He laughed, before he began to play his saxophone again.

Surprisingly, Synth was not affected whatsoever! “Uh... what?” He asked, tilting his head before leaning in closer to hear Chaz’s music better. But no matter how much Chaz played, Synth was simply too oblivious to be hypnotized! He smiled at him, placing his hands at his hips. “Cool music, bro! Lemme show you how I play now!” He said, a techno beat beginning to play as water shot up from the ground. Synth formed it into a gigantic water orb and shot it at Chaz, trapping the smooth jazz troll in a ball of sick beats. The ball then collapsed, sending Chaz flying into the distance. The smooth jazz troll tried to launch himself back to Synth to land a punch, but the water had made his hair unable to stretch. Saturn and Jupiter, seeing their master rocket into the sky, emerged from their hiding spots to chase after him. Synth had just saved all of TrollsTopia from Chaz’s rage.

As she caught her breath, Poppy engulfed Synth in a huge hug. “SYNTH! Thank goodness! That was amazing, how did you do that?” She asked. Her eyes lighting up with joy. “You mean that giant orb thing? Oh, I was born with those sorts of powers. I wonder why the music had no effect on me...” Synth thought, before Meadow’s shiny new flower caught his attention. “GIRL! You shine like a glowstick! I could stare at you for hours!” He laughed, swimming towards her as Poppy shook her head and smiled.

“Classic Synth...”

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of TrollsTopia, Chaz fell into an area that was surrounded by marshmallow potatoes... Marshtatoes? He groaned, dusting himself off as he looked upwards. A sinister grin illuminated in the dark, an adorably high-pitched voice ringing out in the silence. “Well hello there... what brings a handsome guy like you to a place like this?” It asked.

“Ugh, I’m glad you asked. I just got kicked out by a walking fish stick. Who are you, anyway?” Chaz asked, raising an eyebrow. From the shadows emerged the mistress of mischief herself, Marshtato Mary. “Me? Call me Mary. And you, my devilishly handsome disciple, may just be the key to helping me get my revenge on those filthy little elves.” She smiled.

“Revenge, you say? Well then...” Chaz smirked, walking closer to her.

“I’d love to join your cause.”

The End

╚═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝

[6knotty6thotty6]

So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck: 

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion. 

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered,  was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it. 

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it." 

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got. 

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it. 

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat. 

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes. 

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not. 

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled. 

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway. 

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you? 

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late! 

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol. 20

I want to try to break the book into three main chunks. The last time I did that, it was easier to write about. So uh, the first chunk has to do with Tohru and her feelings about Kyo, and Kagura's reaction, the second chunk is Akito and Ren's past being revealed (it's totally a mess but it's to be expected), and the third chunk is about things unraveling.

Ok cool let's do it. (The picture was at the end of one of the chapters, I just liked it a lot idk) (also tumblr needs to increase the character limit for the alt text, it's only 200 characters, which goes by quick. twitter has like,, 420, which is more manageable)

Tohru came to Kazuma's house to visit Izusu, and Kagura came to confront Tohru about something. What possibly could it be (as if I didn't say so in the beginning)? Kagura was talking about it a bit with Kazuma, and he said he just hopes that Tohru's feelings don't come from a place of pity (which is a mild "oof" point for Kagura, because that's mostly why she loved Kyo), because Kyo has had to deal with people either flat out hating him, or being nice to him out of a sense of pity. Even Kazuma admitted (earlier in the series. I don't remember when but I remember reading it) that part of the reason he took in Kyo as a child was because he was making it up for how he treated his grandfather, the previous Cat. Over time, those feelings fell away, in favor of genuinely caring for Kyo's wellbeing, but Kazuma doesn't seem to be the one who would forget about stuff like that. (Also it turns out that the previous Cat's partner basically stayed with him out of a sense of pity, as well)

It turns out that Izusu and Tohru were talking about the same thing, and Tohru worried if her feelings for Kyo were selfish, because she wanted nothing to take Kyo away from her, not the curse, not the Sohma family, nothing. Kagura then bust into the room, smacked Tohru across the fucking room it seems, and said, "Then fucking tell him that!!" (direct quote, 100%) Izusu yelled at Kagura for hitting Tohru, asking what right she had for doing that, but given Kagura's nature, it doesn't seem completely out of nowhere. She just got pretty emotional in that moment.

For Tohru, it seemed to knock the right screw loose for her, and she thought back to when she was talking about her father to Kyo, and if he said really anything against what she was talking about, she apparently would've just zipped her lips and pretended she hadn't said anything, and moved on, but he didn't. Which is pretty nice of him to do, honestly. Anyway, when she came to again (because she got knocked out from Kagura's emotion-packed slap), Kyo was sitting there, because Kazuma had called him, ("Hey dude so there was a smackdown here and Tohru got knocked out lmao" is how I'm imagining the call. kjdhkfgjh can you imagine Kazuma saying "lmao" I can't) but Kyo didn't ask about the fight (which was a Wise Lesson from Shishou™), another nice thing for him to do, though in my opinion it would be a pretty easy thing to explain.

Ok, so now onto the second chunk, which kinda has some of the stuff in the third chunk later on but whatever. Story flow, it's pristine today.

It starts with some of the,, maids? or something that are in the Sohma house (they never get names so far as I can tell, and I don't really know what to call them, but at one point someone referred to one of them as a maid, I think? Idk.) talking about Ren, and wondering why Akito still let Ren wander around freely like she does. Another said that Akito can only do so much, because apparently there is a crowd of people in the house that are "Ren-followers", and if she had Ren be completely contained within an area, there's a chance that those followers might start some shit, which would be a headache to deal with. One of the maids said that Akito has been sick (or holed up in her room) for too long, and the rest of the Juunishi are doing nothing to help, which does not help with Ren, who spouts out stuff about how the Juunishi doesn't really care about Akito at all. The maids seem to have a particular thing against Ren, because they view her as an unsuitable woman who somehow managed to become partners with Akira, the previous God, I think, but also the father of Akito.

Speaking of Akito, she has a box. That same box that Ren tried to use Izusu to get back. Something about that box has to do with Akira, and it seems important to both Akito and Ren, though honestly at this point Akito is probably just holding onto it out of spite for Ren, I wouldn't be surprised (I, too, am a petty bitch. I understand the mindset). She asked Kureno if he has any idea what is in it, and when he says he doesn't, she simply says, "Father."

Now we jump over to Ren and Shigure, who are also talking about about that elusive box. Apparently Shigure was tasked to get the box, but obviously he didn't succeed. He said (thought? He didn't say it aloud, it was one of those thoughts thing--- anyway) that he didn't really care, he didn't even want to touch that box, much less even look at it, it was no loss to him. Out loud, he says that it would be inappropriate for him to hold it, and Ren agrees, saying that only she can have it, just like how only she could have Akira, when he was alive. Are you already sensing where this is heading? Well, I'll say it anyway.

Flash back to Kureno, he's thinking about Akira, from when he was younger and Akira was still alive. He remembers Akira as very beautiful, in a fleeting way. Akira was sickly, all the time, and sad. Everyone knew that he wouldn't live for very long. But since he was the head of the house, of the family, it was imperative that he find a partner and produce an heir. That person was Ren, who was one of his care-takers. The rest of the staff (or something??) didn't like that she was going to be with Akira, it seemed unsuitable, but she was the only candidate. She was the only person who recognized how lonely he was, is what Akira said as a defense when people objected. And so, they were married. The older members of the family despised it, the younger thought it was the beginning of a new change, a new era. Ren said (because this section is flipping between Kureno and Ren) that it was only them two (haha grammar): Akira and Ren, they were all who mattered. She was everything to Akira. So when she had Akito, well, that muddled things. Because now there was another person that Akira loved: his own fuckin child. That's right. Ren got jealous of her own child because Akira loved his very own daughter. That's,, that's something. Shortly after that, Ren decided that Akito would be raised as a boy. Or maybe it was while she was still pregnant. At any rate, she said it was because it would be unsuitable for the head of the family to be a woman, but we all know the real reason: it's so that Akira wouldn't be loving another girl, even though that other girl was his daughter. Jfc Ren is a handful. From Kureno's memory, it seems like even as a kid, Shigure recognized that.

Back to Shigure and Ren, Shigure says that he feels sorry for Ren, probably thanks to all that upset she has. She says the same, that the Juunishi have had to deal with the abuse that Akito has dealt to them simply because of that "bond", and that there's no way that anyone could honestly love Akito. Shigure also comments that sometimes he thinks that if Akito had been raised as a woman, she'd look exactly like Ren, which instantly pisses Ren off. She just starts screaming about "Who do you have to thank for Akito being born! I'm the reason that (insert angry comment about how she's the only reason why x happened)". I'm kinda glad she isn't in the series much, this is exhausting. I know she's in the book later, and maybe a bit more in the next few, but jeez. It's a lot.

Anyway, let's end the chapter with Momiji having his curse be broken. The end is near (for the Juunishi, not this post lmao).

The second that the curse breaks, Akito knows it (that's probably the bond. I doubt it's some kinda "we'll be friends forever uwu" kinda thing, it's just kinda an awareness of each other, or maybe just God's awareness of everyone) and races towards Momiji, begging him to not leave. Now that the curse is broken, Momiji is confused as to how those thoughts he had prior for Akito were even there, now that he sees Akito clinging onto him, whimpering and panicked. Momiji waves her away, saying that he'll keep it a secret, and that Akito should go rest, wasn't she feeling sick earlier?

We pan over to the school, where Haru is asking Yuki if he's noticed anything off about Momiji. Haru can't place it, but something seems off, maybe not. Kyo ends up running into Momiji walking down a hallway, and asks him about it (he overheard the others talking about it), and Momiji just out and says it: his curse broke. He said he imagines that Tohru would be happier about it if it were Kyo's curse that broke, and that he (Momiji) lost. (I guess he lost in some unspoken one-sided competition of "getting" Tohru, because y'know she's not her own person who is capable of deciding these things for herself or anything)

Later, Momiji goes back to the main Sohma estate, to apologize to Akito for how he acted yesterday, but also to say that he won't be staying there any longer. Akito takes it like a champ, slapping Momiji across the face and insulting him, saying that he's a traitor, he has nowhere else to go, his family either doesn't remember him or hates him, he'll never be happy! and Momiji's just like, "Yeah lol I already feel lonely", that he can't be with the person he loves, and he no longer has that One Thing that previously connected him to most of the other people he's close with, and that there's no going back. He does say though, that it's not Akito's decision or place to say whether Momiji will ever be happy or not, because he might not be happy now, that does not mean that he won't ever be happy in the future. He then asks Akito how long she will stay at the house, thinking that eventually, everyone will come back to her, that no one will be happy without her. What if it's actually her that is most afraid-- Akito isn't down for an analysis, she just tells Momiji to leave.

Let's now go down memory lane, down a nice and happy time, especially for Akito and Ren: Akira's death and it's after effects. Happy times. (apparently i was wrong, the thing i said was the third chunk that wove in nicely with the second was just the second chunk, i think this is the actual third chunk)

Akito is thinking back (on a rainy morning, extra points for setting the mood) on her relationship with her parents. With Akira, it was nice, he always was kind and caring, telling Akito that she is what everyone has been waiting for, and that she thought she was the one Akira loved the most. With Ren, however, she was always cruel, from the start. She always glared at Akito, she was always mean. Akito hates her. We're brought back to the day Akira died, where Ren bursts into the room, asking why she wasn't notified sooner, why Akira had to die alone. One of the attendants said his condition worsened too quickly to call Ren close by, but also that Akira hadn't died alone; he died with Akito by his side. The attendant said that Akira's will had been passed onto Akito, she was now the head of the family. Ren was angered at that, there's no reason for Akito to still be around now! She only tolerated her child being around because Akira liked her, but now that Akira is gone, there is no one to love or care about Akito. Akito said that wasn't true, that all of the Juunishi will love her, because of their bond. (Which is basically what Akira said. He put most of that stuff into her head, and she doubled down on it whenever Ren said anything against it, which might as well be every single time they were around each other)

Back to the present, Kureno comes in the room to talk about something, but Akito interrupts him, saying that she was happy when Yuki was born, as the Rat. It was mostly just something she used to prove Ren wrong, and she used it as long as she could (much to the deterioration of Yuki's mental health). She thought back, over the years, to all the bad things that had happened, how she tried so hard to keep everyone close, and how all of them had, one by one, come to "betray" (cough cough, try to live their own lives, cough cough) her. After Shigure and Yuki left to their present residence, Ren said that they had given up on Akito. When Akito again mentioned their bond (which, really, now that I think about it, has basically been the singular thing straining to keep everything under control. Akito's sole sense of identity was being God, she's never had anything else.), Ren waved it away, then challenged that if any of the Juunishi can go out into the world, experience it in all it's freaky magical ways, and not be taken in by it, and instead return to Akito, then she will have been proved wrong, Akito's claims this whole time will have been correct. If they failed to, however, Ren said that Akito would have to give up the Sohma name. But Akito believed it, she truly believed she was right, that nothing big enough would come between her and the rest of the Juunishi (Tohru has entered the chat). She had to believe it, she just had to. But now, it's evident, between how Haru reacted upon learning about Izusu, Momiji's demeanor after the curse broke, the general way that the rest of the Juunishi float away from Akito, that it isn't true, and with that, she has nothing to hope for.

Upon this realization, Ren bursts into the room, knee-length hair floating around her, eyes crazed, knife in hand, demanding for Akira. Demanding for that box, and whatever contents were inside. In response, Akito fuggin yeeted it at Ren, she didn't give a shit. It flashed back to right before Akira died, and he soothed Akito by saying that, despite dying, he will always be with her. He wanted for Ren to be happy. He wasn't upset that he was dying so soon, he knew that he was just a man who was going to die, but he was happy that he was able to have a child, and to have had that child with Ren, and since that child was special, it was proof that their relationship was a special one. Back to the present, Ren scrambles to the box, tears it open hungrily to find,,, nothing. The box was empty. It'd always been empty, said to have held Akira's soul, but it was mostly just something to help Akito with Akira's passing. Suddenly, Akito grabbed the knife that fell from Ren's hand, poised to stab Ren but then--

Hiro's curse broke. Ren can thank that bond she always scoffed at for saving her life. But hey, now Hiro can hold his baby sister, which is nice. Yay for family moments.

Boo for Akito, because it's just really grinding in that the curse is quickly falling apart, and there's absolutely nothing that she can do about it. Ren taunts Akito, asking if she was trying to kill her. The attendants blow up, one yelling at Ren for making such a scene, taking a knife with her, and another scolds the first for giving Akito that box in the first place, it's stupid! The first attendant said that Akito knew from the start that it was empty, common sense would say that much! (idk man it could've held one last letter from Akira to Akito, a letter wouldn't affect the weight of the box significantly, it's not common sense)

Akito leaves the room, and Kureno follows. Akito says that it was both common sense but also not, that there wasn't anything in the box. She wanted to believe there was a chance that something was in that box, some kind of invisible energy that would help her. But even after opening it, seeing that it was empty, she still held onto it, knowing there wasn't anything. And that was her common sense, that's what she thought. She'd never been given any other way of thinking, of living, so why and how should anyone expect differently? Kureno says that she can start learning now, that that was what he wanted to talk about earlier, that she can't stay here, she'll never be able to move on, to which Akito cuts him off with "Fuggin now, bitch?? You're saying that now?? That doesn't help me! It would have helped in the beginning! But not fucking now!" (which btw is true. i doubt akito was even allowed to go to a public school, that she was schooled within the estate. i really believe that she's never really been outside of the the properties that the Sohma family owns) Then she stabs Kureno, with that knife she's been holding all this time. She reasons with it saying that Kureno's "halfway kindness" has been killing her this whole time, that it can't be fixed by Kureno saying that maybe Akito should go touch some grass. As Akito is running from the scene (more like haggardly stumbling), she continues thinking that it's Kureno's fault, it's not on her, until she remembers what Yuki was saying at the New Year's gathering about blame. It doesn't really fix anything, it just momentarily makes you think that you're not in the wrong. *record scratch* What if it's Akito's fault, then? All of this? What if it's her fault? What if it's the fault of the person who made everyone change? What if it's Tohru's fault?? (dun dun dunnnn)

Meanwhile, back at the other Sohma house (Shigure's house?) Tohru has some confessing to do. Before that though, Kyo has some confessing to do, though not about the same thing. He tells Tohru that he knew her mom before she died, and that he was the reason she died. He tells her that they met when he was really young, and how they had kinda become friends (in that way that people become friends by talking often, but Kyo never told Kyoko his name, because he had some weird thing about having a name so similar). That all fell apart the day that Tohru went missing. He promised that he would find her and rescue her, but after finding that Yuki had done it (the evidence was The Hat), he lashed out, and never talked to Kyoko again. Years later, when he was at the crosswalk, who was beside him but Kyoko, who he recognized instantly. He wasn't sure what to do, whether to say something to her or hold back. He was totally able to grab her arm, get her out of harm's way, but he didn't, he was too scared. (plus yaknow the whole cat thing) He beats himself up about, still to this day. He does the same with his own mom's death. It was his fault that his mom killed herself, she couldn't stand having such a monster as a child. It was too much for her, and she couldn't take any longer. (It wasn't. I won't say that his mom wasn't put under strain for having Kyo, for knowing that he wasn't human, that he turned into a weird monster if his bracelet was taken off, but from what we've seen of his dad, it was probably at least 85-90% his dad's fault. He was too caught up in the politics of the Sohma family, ashamed of the fact that Kyo was the Cat, the worst out of them, that he couldn't even salvage having one of the good freaks to have as a child of his, and he took it all out on his wife and later his son.)

And the book ends on that cheery note. (Why do I say stuff like that why I am I like this)

[blu-joons]

When You Struggle To Write Your Essay ~ Seventeen Reaction

S.Coups:

You could feel Seungcheol’s presence beside you as you typed away at your computer, glancing across at him, noticing the warm smile that he wore. “I just watched you switch tabs, you’re terrible at playing this game.”

“The essay is stupid,” you stated, slamming your hands on the desk, “Instagram is much better.”

“It’s also an unproductive way to spend your time,” he reminded you, lifting you out of the chair so that you could sit in his lap. “You’ve worked so hard on this essay, don’t let a bump in the road put you off now.”

You sighed back at him, “first of all, Instagram is a very productive way to spend my time and see what everyone else is up to. Secondly, I’ve spent well over an hour on this essay and haven’t got a damn word to show for it.”

“Like I said, you’ve just hit a bump,” Seungcheol tried to assure you, “but you can’t be so hard on yourself about it. Why don’t you take a break for a while, a proper break, at least get away from your computer?”

“Do you really think that’ll make life easier?” You questioned, smiling as he nodded back at you.

His arms tightened around your waist, “let’s do something to distract your mind, whatever you want to do. I’m sure when you come back to your work, you’ll find your flow once again.”

“Although I’ve just spent an hour on social media, I deserve a break, right?”

Jeonghan:

A gasp escaped from you as Jeonghan pulled away just as you leaned forwards to press a kiss against his lips. “I told you, no kiss until you get that section of your essay complete,” he teased, moving back away from you.

“Do you really want to play this game with me?” You sighed, sinking down in your chair.

“I told you how this was going to work, you can’t try and cheat your way out of doing your work by trying to kiss me when I’m not paying attention,” Jeonghan reminded you, taking a seat opposite your desk.

Your eyes stared helplessly back across at him, “why are you doing this to me? I thought it was just going to be a joke, I didn’t think you’d actually stop kissing me. How am I supposed to work without a kiss from you?”

“That’s for you to figure out,” he continued to joke, “I know that you can get this done, you’re just beating yourself up about it right now. The section is nearly complete, and then I promise that I am all yours.”

“Are you going to sit there and tease me whilst I write?” You asked, unsurprised to see his head nod.

He settled himself back against the desk chair, “I’m not going to tease, I’m just going to sit here and remind you of the reward that you’ll get once you finally get that part of the essay done.”

“That’s definitely teasing Jeonghan, no way is it a reward.”

Joshua:

The smell of food caught your attention before Joshua even managed to walk into your apartment. “Don’t be getting any ideas,” he warned you, “this is for you only if you’ve finished writing that paragraph, I left you on.”

“It’s all written, I promise, you can come and see for yourself,” you spoke, pointing it out to him.

“See, I told you that you’d be able to do it,” he proudly smiled, relieved to see you’d finally completed the paragraph you’d been stuck on for most of the afternoon. “It’s a good job I went out and got your favourite too.”

Your eyes lit up, silently cursing at yourself for not recognising the smell of the food straight away. “You’re the best, thank you so much. Let me just save what I’ve done and then I’ll be through to join you for dinner.”

“I wouldn’t move too quickly,” Joshua called out to you, “I went out and got dessert too, but you can only have that if you write another paragraph. And don’t even try and argue with me because I know you’re capable.”

“Are you really using food as a weapon to try and bribe me right now?” You asked of him.

With a smug smile, his head nodded back at you, “it’s working, isn’t it? I know the way to your heart, and it’s by nothing else but food, that’s how you’re going to get this essay done.”

“As bad as it is, I definitely think your right on that one.”

Jun:

When Junhui first began to ask you questions about your essay, you failed to understand what the point was, until slowly answers started to come together. “Write that down, you can use it in section three, can’t you?”

“I think so,” you hummed, writing it down anyway, noticing how big your document was getting.

“What else is there that you need to talk about?” He asked, peering over your shoulder to have a look at the essay brief. “It looks like we’ve managed to get quite a few ideas down for you to write there my love.”

Your head shook at how much was written, “I don’t know who taught you such an incredible skill but thank you for helping me to write almost my entire essay. I really have no idea what I’d do without you Jun.”

“It’s all on you, all I did was ask the questions, and you gave me the answers,” he reminded you, sitting back down on the bed behind you. “Do you want me to stick around whilst you write that into something resembling an essay.”

“It’s up to you, but don’t feel like you have to, you’ve done enough for me,” you assured him.

He shrugged back at you, making himself comfortable. “It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do. I could read over it too if you want when it’s done, make sure that it all makes sense?”

“That would be amazing, you really are the best Junhui.”

Hoshi:

Your smile grew as Soonyoung walked over to you, taking a seat at your desk, staring back at you. “I promise I’m not going to do anything; I’m just going to sit here as moral support whilst you carry on with your writing.”

“Do you know how distracting it is just to have your face there?” You laughed, gently pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“Well, when you hit a brick wall or you’re struggling to think about what to write next, you can just look over at me and I can be your inspiration to try and figure out what it is that you want to write,” he assured you.

Your head shook back at him, “I don’t want to look back at my laptop now I get to look at you. I need to find a lot of inspiration for now, so I might just have to stare at you for a little while, as long as you don’t mind?”

“If it helps with your work, then there’s no complaints from me,” Soonyoung chuckled, resting his head into his hand. “Just don’t stare too long, because you might get lost in my eyes or something and forget about your work.”

“That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea,” you teased, moving a little closer towards him.

Soonyoung quickly moved you back, keeping a distance between the two of you. “You’ve got work to do, don’t be getting any ideas. You can have plenty of what you want when your work is done.”

“You’re a horrendous tease, I can’t believe you’d do that to me.”

Wonwoo:

The moment Wonwoo suggested giving you a helping hand with your essay, you knew it was going to do anything but help you out with your essay. “What even is this thing on? Surely even I can understand what it means.”

“It looks at patterns of migration in variations of native African animals,” you informed him, noticing how quickly his expression dropped.

“Alright, well, with a bit of research I’m sure I can contribute something,” he muttered underneath his breath, quickly doubting how effective his plan seemed to initially be. “Do you have a book or something on it?”

Your head shook, tapping the top of your head. “All the information is stored up here for me to remember, but because you said you’d be such a big help, I’m sure you don’t need a book to research anything, right?”

“Okay, so maybe I underestimated just how difficult your essay would be,” he admitted, sighing across at you, “I know it’s difficult, but you’ve just got to stick at it, I won’t have you give up on all of this now.”

“You’re meant to be the smart one between the two of us, and even you’re confused,” you sighed.

Wonwoo’s head shook, pressing a kiss against the top of your own. “You’re definitely the smart one, there’s no way I could ever do the work that your doing, it’s incredible, really.”

“The offer is still there if you want to write it for me.”

Woozi:

He failed to remember the last time he’d seen you move as he came out from his studio and noticed you still sat in front of your laptop. “Y/N?” He called out, only to be met by silence, walking across to you.

“Sorry,” you muttered as his hand waved in front of your face to try and wake you up. “When did you get out of the studio?”

“I don’t think that matters right now, what matters is waking you up a bit, you’re driving yourself crazy with this essay,” he frowned, pulling your chair away from your desk to give you a bit of room to stretch out.

Your head shook, reaching out to pull yourself back, only for Jihoon to get in the way. “I know that you care Jihoon, but I was only daydreaming for five minutes, we’ve both got work to do, so let’s get on with it, shall we?”

“If you think I’m going to let you go back to doing some work in your current state then you are very much mistaken Y/N.” He established continuing to stare down at you, “I can tell you’ve been daydreaming for a lot longer too.”

“Alright, so maybe I was out of it for a while, but that’s time I need to make up for,” you groaned.

Jihoon continued to shake his head back at you, “when I told you I wasn’t moving, I meant it. For once, I’m not messing around, I’m going to make sure that you look after yourself.”

“I’m too tired to even bother arguing anymore with you.”

DK:

As yet another yawn left you, it was the final straw for Seokmin, walking around to your desk and standing in between you and your laptop. “You’ve got two choices, nap with me, or go and have a nap by yourself.”

“Can’t I just decline both of them?” You questioned, trying to peer around his waist so that you could look back at your essay.

“I’m not budging, and these hips are wide,” he smiled, stepping each time you moved. “Y/N, you’re exhausted, and don’t even try to deny it. At least close your eyes for half an hour and then come back to your work.”

Your head tried to shake, but as it did, another yawn escaped, rendering your argument pointless. “I can sleep for days once this essay is submitted Min, but until then, a trip to bed will just have to wait for me.”

“You’re not going to win,” he joked, staring down at you in front of him. “We can either do this the easy way or the hard way, and I’m happy to do either. So, I’ll leave it up to you to decide what you want to do.”

“That depends, what’s the easy way and what’s the hard way?” You challenged back to him.

His head nodded, “I’m guessing you’ve chosen the hard way,” he announced, bending down and wrapping his arms around you before scooping you off of your chair with ease.

“I would’ve still chosen the easy way I’ll have you know.”

Mingyu:

A strong pair of arms wrapped around you, instantly drawing you out of the daydream that you found yourself in, staring at your half-written essay. “You’re coming with me for a while before you drive yourself crazy.”

“Mingyu, I need to get this done,” you huffed, trying to pull his arms away from your waist, but he was far too strong to budge.

“What you need to do, is forget about your essay for a while, and then you can go back to it with a clearer head in a bit,” he assured you, pulling you down on top of him as he fell onto the sofa, keeping a hold of you.

Despite your protests, it didn’t take long before you made yourself comfortable cuddled into his side. “I’ve still got plenty of work to do, no matter how much you want to use a break as an excuse to cuddle me.”

“I mean it was part of the reason, but also because I’m worried about you too. Everyone needs to take breaks, even if you think it’s wrong. You’ll go back to your essay and ace it,” he assured you, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“You sound confident for someone that makes it very hard to leave a cuddle,” you joked.

Mingyu’s eyes rolled back at you, “to say you were reluctant to cuddle me, you’ve very quickly changed your tune. I guess cuddling me is never as bad as you think it is.”

“There’s nothing bad ever about cuddling with you.”

The8:

Minghao had watched you shut yourself away for far too long when it came to writing your essay, sensing just how unproductive you were getting. “Talk to me about it,” he announced when you stopped writing again.

“What are you on about?” You questioned, jumping slightly at the sound of his voice. “What are we supposed to talk about?”

“Your essay,” he smiled, placing his phone down beside him so that you had his full attention. “It’s supposed to help talking about things, so why don’t you give me some of your ideas and see what you think about them aloud?”

You stared questionably across at him, “are you really telling me that you want to sit here and listen to me talk to you about a subject you have no idea about? Did you even study psychology at school to know things?”

“I haven’t got a clue, but that might help. Explain it to me, and if it’s simple enough for me to understand, then it’s simple enough to go in your essay too, right?” He suggested, noticing the way in which your eyes lit up.

“Do you know, that might not be such a bad idea, I need the practice right now,” you grinned.

His head nodded, moving himself a little closer towards you, “why don’t you go from the beginning in that case, and make sure to write it down. I’m all ears whenever you’re ready.”

“Alright, I hope you’re prepared to pay close attention to me.”

Seungkwan:

As another sigh echoed out around the room, Seungkwan stood up from his own desk, walking around to you, resting his hands against your shoulders. “How’s it going?” He asked, staring at your empty page.

“Terribly,” you frowned, leaning back to rest against his chest, “do you fancy swapping and writing this for me Kwan?”

“I love you, but not enough to write a three-thousand-word essay,” he smiled, leaning down to press a kiss against the top of your head, “you’ve just got to keep working at it, and eventually it’ll all come together into something beautiful.”

His words were kind, but you were far from convinced. “I’ve stared at this screen for three hours, written one sentence, and then deleted it. It’s like I’m destined to just fail this essay and mess up my grades at the last minute.”

“Well, you won’t get very far with a negative attitude like that,” Seungkwan pointed out to you, “as hard as it is, you’ve just got to remain positive for now and trust in that brain of yours that the work will write itself.”

“My brain feels like it’s never been so useless as it is right now,” you continued to vent.

Seungkwan’s lips pressed against the top of your head, “you’re being too hard on yourself, just relax, and I promise that the work will come to you and you’ll get a great essay written.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without your positivity sometimes.”

Vernon:

Your brows furrowed as soon as you looked around to see your phone no longer on your desk, failing to remember where you’d last put it. “Looking for something?” A voice questioned, as the pieces very quickly came together.

“That’s unfair,” you cried out, unsurprised when you looked around to see Vernon holding onto your phone in his hands.

“You keep getting distracted, but you’re almost at the end, all you’ve got left to write is your conclusion. Let me keep a hold of this,” he propositioned, “and I bet in an hour you can have that essay completed to word count.”

Your eyes rolled, however good of an idea of his it seemed to be. “I was doing just fine with this work before you came over and stole my belongings. I’ve barely even been on my phone that much today you know.”

“Y/N, every time I look up, you’re typing away on your phone,” he chuckled, shaking his head at your protests. “You’ll thank me for doing this in a little while once your essay is complete and you’re not worrying anymore.”

“I’m not just typing, I’m doing research as well,” you tried to protest.

Vernon scoffed back at you, “Twitter is not research, however hard you want to try and convince yourself otherwise. Now, get it written, and then you can scroll through your feeds.”

“You really can be evil sometimes; do you know that?”

Dino:

It was obvious to Chan that you were beginning to struggle with your essay, you’d barely focused on it for quite some time, finding every distraction possible. “I’ve got a suggestion,” he called out as you picked up your phone again.

“What’s that?” You questioned, looking away from your computer to his figure that was sat across the room.

“I’ll order us takeout for dinner, my treat, if you get two hundred words done in the next hour,” Chan proposed, noticing how quickly your eyes lit up at the mention of food. “But only if you get your work done.”

A loud groan came from you, “I just knew that food would come at a price, it always does with you. Can’t we agree on one hundred, do you know how much effort two hundred words is going to take?”

“I do, but I also know how much better you’ll feel once you get it done,” he proudly smirked, knowing that he was right. “Just get your head done, if food isn’t a good enough goal for you to reach, I don’t know what is.”

“You promise that two hundred is all I need for takeout?” You quizzed.

Chan’s head nodded back at you with a laugh, “I promise, as soon as you add two hundred words to that essay, a menu of your choosing will be ordered for dinner, and all paid for by me.”

“Alright, I guess I better get my head down then.”

---

Masterlist

[celestianstars]

Everything I Want

Henry Cavill x Black Female Reader

Summary: You’re feeling insecure about your weight and afraid Henry might leave you for someone better. Henry wants to show you that’s far from the case (based off this request)

Warnings: 18+, angst: body image/self esteem issues, mentions of racism, fluff/smut: unprotected, nothing too wild, creampie mention 

Word Count: 4.6k

Notes: I’ve been struggling with similar feelings lately and wanted to write this in hopes it might offer some comfort to others 💓

——————————————————————————

It started with a handful of comments you hadn’t even meant to stumble across, and that was all it took.

You knew the comment section on any picture posted of you and Henry was a dangerous place; for every sweet comment there were at least three others spouting some sort of hate and usually you ignored it as best you could, pushed it aside, didn’t even bother to look...but this time it hurt, far more than you were anticipating. 

Usually you could roll your eyes at the racism towards your darker skin color next to Henry’s, even laugh cause of course they’d be jealous of you, your complexion, your magic, your energy, the fact that you were Henry’s girl, of course they all wanted to be you. 

But these comments were about your weight, the way your stomach looked as some creepy paparazzi dude had snapped a pic of you bending over, the fact that you were chubby, had fat in places deemed less than desirable. It hit you in a years old sore spot. 

It was just the fact that you were caught just being yourself, defenseless, and still, people ripped into you, sowing seeds of doubt in your mind. 

Maybe they were right, you looked odd next to Henry, he was so much more athletic looking than you, what could he possibly see in you, he’d probably eventually leave you for a better looking, bendier, thinner model, you were just some experiment for him. 

You couldn’t stop from tearing up at reading those things, every shred of confidence now in question. 

It was true you struggled with body image and self esteem issues before, you were in fairly good place recently, a lot of it to do with your own mental work and of course Henry’s compliments and love for you was a considerable boost. 

Maybe you’d only been dating the man for a year but you kept falling for the classic English charm he had harder each day, and wouldn’t trade that for the world. 

Your doubts were still there, especially after seeing those comments, your usual routine to hype yourself up was falling flat but you tried your best to trudge through it all. 

---

Henry was usually awake before you but since he was on a break from filming any projects he got to sleep in a little. And that meant more time to snuggle, which you both greatly appreciated, cause nothing felt better than waking up next to him, his arms around you. 

This morning you’d woken up before him, your eyes fixated on the sunlight flitting back and forth across the walls of Henry’s room from the gaps in the blinds. Your mind raced, nothing but bad thoughts and fears.

“You’re up early, couldn’t sleep?” Henry’s deep, groggy voice pulled you from your thoughts. You turned slightly, smiling at how cute he looked, messy hair falling across his forehead, the blue/green of his eyes focusing on yours. 

“Yeah, I tried but nothing. Good morning, baby.” you sighed, trying to make your eyes match the smile on your face. You were sure you were failing and Henry always had a knack for reading you well but you prayed it would be written off as exhaustion. 

He’s gonna leave. He’s gonna leave, this won’t last. 

“Good morning, love.” he whispered back to you, rubbing his eyes before reaching his hand up to tuck a stray curl back into the satin scarf wrapped around your head. 

He loves you. You know he does, he’s not going to leave. 

Your mind wrestled with thoughts of your own worth and what amount Henry believed you worthy enough to be with him. 

You were so sure sometimes that this was all going to crack and fall apart at any minute, watching for any sign of his body language being even remotely hostile to indicate when you should start packing your bags. 

“Are you alright, love? You look a little sad.” he pulled you from your thoughts yet again, his warm hands snaking around your hips to pull you closer to his chest. 

You were desperately trying not to let anything show, insecurities didn’t look cute, he’d leave you for sure if he knew you were having doubts. 

“I-yeah yeah I’m fine. Just tired.” you closed your eyes and sank into his warmth, finding it easier to lie if you weren’t looking at him. 

Henry knew you far too well, however. 

“Can you open those pretty eyes for a minute and look at me?” his voice was back at a whisper, so gentle, coaxing you in that way that tugged at your heart. You didn’t want to listen, he’d figure it out right away if you did but he was asking so sweetly, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone. 

You wanted to turn your back to him, make him see that you were difficult, always needy for reassurance, too afraid to ask, not good enough for him. It would be easier that way. Easier if he just left you now so you could start picking up the pieces. 

“Henry, please don’t. I...can’t.” a lump formed in your throat, you hated the fact that you cried so easily, cried at everything but you couldn’t help it. Your heart sometimes felt too big for your body.

But that was also one of the things Henry adored about you. Your heart was so big, love and kindness just poured from you onto everyone and everything you came into contact with. 

And in an industry where Henry was so used to people being selfish and only out to suit their interests, seeing how you operated on a day to day with this much love was everything to him. It made him want to be like you. 

“Alright you don’t have to look at me, but did something happen? It feels like you’ve been distant lately.” you could hear the concern and slight hurt in his voice and it made you break. 

You started to cry, curling in on yourself, trying to pull away from Henry’s grip as you let the tears come. He wouldn’t let you out of his embrace but instead, made himself a kind of blanket for you, draping himself over you, encompassing you in warmth and letting you cry it all out. 

It concerned him to see you this way, he was thinking of a million possible things that could be making you cry, trying not to think of worst case scenario things while he was at it. 

He didn’t like seeing you cry, it wasn’t very often in the year you’d been together that you’d seen each other cry much but god did it hurt him to watch. 

All he could do was hold you close to him and keep you anchored while you released what he assumed were things you’d been holding in for a minute. 

Henry cupped you’re cheeks, brushing tears away as you clutched onto his arm tightly, almost like you were too afraid to let go. 

“Take a deep breath with me, sweetheart. I’m right here, it’s ok.” 

He rubbed your back and started the process of getting you to be calm, your tears eyes looking back at him so desperately he wanted to scoop you up and make it all better immediately. 

After a minute you were only sniffling, finding it easier to breathe. “Can you tell me what’s going on? I’m here to help you out, babygirl.” 

You were reluctant to say, fear still wrapped tight around your vocal cords. 

But there was Henry. 

The man you had and were falling so in love with each day, his eyebrows knit together in a concerned frown, expression soft for you only. He felt safe and despite your fears you knew you had to tell him. 

“W-well it’s just...I saw some Instagram comments on a picture of us the other day and...Henry they were making fun of how I looked and you know those types of things don’t usually affect me but this time I-I couldn’t…” you sniffle and trail off, feeling overwhelmed. 

“I know it’s stupid, it’s just a stupid comment but sometimes I just feel so hated. All the racism and shit and now about how I look…” more tears slipped from your lashes, dotting the pillowcase. 

Henry listened without speaking first, taking in what you were saying and feeling, letting you have the space to continue speaking in case you found more words. 

To say he was furious was an understatement. He knew of the racist comments, nearly broke his phone the day he came across some in his own comment section. 

You guys had that long talk about the differences in race that were an undeniable part of your relationship and listened to you speak about your experiences being called every slur in the book just for being by his side.

That was a difficult ballgame to play but you and him had managed it well so far and came back to discuss that topic often because it wasn’t lost on him that he was rather ignorant about the way you experience the world. 

But now that these hateful people had found a new way to attack you, Henry could barely stand it. Because you deserved none of it, and to see the way it was hurting you made him sad.

“Baby I’m so sorry. I know that definitely didn’t help with your body image issues.” Henry sighed and kissed your cheek, moving down to kiss your shoulder, trying to comfort you as best he could. 

“No it really didn’t. I know I’m chubby and I’m not as fit or active as you but...they really didn’t hold back and now I feel like I’m not good enough for you. And they’re right, like you deserve someone who matches you and doesn’t look like the sloppy mess I am. I just...I hate myself for not being good enough for you.” you started to sob again, this time pushing away from Henry and rolling over. 

You didn’t want to look at him when he finally said that he agreed. It would be easier this way. 

Hearing that broke Henry’s heart. You truly believed you weren’t good enough for him and it couldn’t have been further from the truth, you were pure goodness to him. 

You felt the bed shift, Henry’s weight no longer occupying the space beside you. This was it, he was severing the ties and you weren’t as prepared as you’d hoped to be. 

Panic flooded your system and you sobbed even harder, curling into a ball. 

“I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me, Henry. I’ll be better. I’ll be better.” 

Your voice was muffled but Henry could hear you anyways. He thought his heart couldn’t have hurt any further than that but hearing you plead for him not to leave you, his heart sank. 

Upon hearing Henry’s footsteps on the hardwood floors, Kal poked his nose through the bedroom door and barreled in, coming straight to your side of the bed. He could sense something was wrong. 

Henry rounded the corner and knelt down by the side of the bed, arm stretched over your body. 

Kal wanted to jump up onto the bed but he kept him back, knowing you were in too fragile a state for Kal’s eagerness to comfort you.

“Hey hey, I am not going to leave you. Ever. You are everything I’ve been looking for my entire life, you’re more than that even. Remember how I used to struggle with my weight too, I felt exactly how you feel and it hurts, it sucks and other people’s opinions have never ever helped but know that with me, your body is yours and I love it any shape, any way it comes or changes. You’ve always been good enough for me.” 

Henry lay his chin on the bed, cocking his head to look at you.

You stopped crying for a second, taking a second to really take in what he was saying. 

“R-really? You could have any model you want, why are you with me, babe? Sometimes it’s hard to believe. Men have left me before, I’m a bigger girl, I know I’m a lot to handle. I can be needy and I know you don’t always have time for that with your work. I just don’t want to tie you down, be a burden.” 

“I’m with you because you're you. No model could replicate what you’ve brought to my life or who you are and how important you’ve become to me. I don’t want anyone else, I’m more sure of that than anything. No one else but you,”

“And maybe you’re needy but baby, you’re a person. I can’t fault you for a human emotion. I get insecure sometimes that you won’t want to be with me because of how much I work, the fact that your family is across the other side of the world, the distance. I worry you won’t feel cherished by me but then you look at me and make those feelings disappear with your words. I’m here and you aren’t going anywhere from my life, no amount of internet trolls and racists will change that.”

The tightness in your chest began to lift, and then he laced his fingers with yours and brought your hand up so he could kiss the back of your hand. 

“You’re my girl, always will be. I just feel it, and I know you do too.” Henry brushed his thumb over your knuckles, pressing soft kisses to your fingers. 

“I can’t believe how amazing you are, I’m in my feelings for a whole other reason now.” you scoff and reach your free hand out to give Kal a scratch behind his ears. 

“I think the same thing about you, daily love. I’m serious, me and Kal are your family, we chose you and we love you and that’s just that. This connection we have is deeper than anyone else knows.” 

He was right, you had to remember that. Nobody else knew just how in sync and in love you two were and nothing anyone said could ever break what you were building with him. 

Your loyalties lay with each other. 

“Can I hold you, love?” his voice was so soft you didn’t resist this time, only nodded and reached your arms out to him. 

Henry scooped you up, turning so he was sitting on the bed and you were straddled in his lap, face buried in his neck. 

You listened to his steady breathing, comfortable with just being in this embrace, letting the words spoken minutes before sink in. He rubbed your back and because he’s cheeky, pinched your ass too. 

“Trying to have a soft moment here, Henry!” you giggle and poke his side. 

“Mmm indeed, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also admire your ass!” 

“What ass? You got more ass than me, zaddy.” you pulled back to look at him, finding him smiling already. 

“Oh yeah, what was it you said to me the other day, I’m ‘triple cheeked up’?” he snorted and you laughed again, remembering how you’d been discussing his ass for a good twenty minutes. 

It was cute how he’d ask you what you meant when you used terms like that. 

“Damn right you are. And me and the whole internet agree you should share some of that cake for those less fortunate!” 

Henry rolled his eyes and moved you so you were laying on your tummy on the bed now, his head resting on your ass. 

“Fair request but I’d rather keep my cake and get all this extra cake of yours to myself.” 

“Man, I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Everything I’ve ever wanted, remember that.”

---

The rest of the morning was spent in happier spirits. You thanked Henry again during breakfast for letting you cry and for reassuring you that he wasn’t going anywhere, stating that you felt much better about the whole thing now. 

It felt like a weight had been lifted and you were glad you didn’t shy away from speaking up even as much as it scared you. You had to remind yourself that Henry loved you and it was ok to feel doubt sometimes, he would always be there to help make you feel better and you had nothing to worry about. He was yours. You were his. 

The usually dreary and rainy English weather had broken it’s chain to give you quite a sunny day today, still chilly but perfect to take Kal for a walk in the park and run some errands, maybe convince Henry to let make a stop at a store you’d been dying to check out since it opened. 

You had just arrived at the park and was about to get out of the car when you spotted someone already taking photos of you and Henry from across the road. 

“Fuck, I’m not even really dressed up. I didn’t put on any makeup today either, Henry I can’t do this. Everyone’s gonna see those pics and say things about me..I-I can’t!” you wanted to cry all over again. 

Maybe it was wishful thinking to assume that after Henry’s pep talk this morning and even through breakfast that everything would be fixed. You were still in a vulnerable state and had a ways to go before your confidence was back in that place you knew it could be. 

Henry turned to face you, his back blocking anyone’s view of you. 

“We don’t have to go out there if you don’t want to. We can go to another park, my love. I only want you to feel comfortable. And remember, your worth doesn’t change because of someone’s ugly and bitter opinions about you. No matter what happens or what’s said, you are still beautiful and smart and badass.” 

Your breathing began to even out as he rubbed your back and kept encouraging you with his words. 

“We can go somewhere else, it’s not a problem, just say the word.” 

Kal was in the back, ears perked up and eager to explore the outside again and seeing his cute fluffy face and then Henry’s, you felt better again, knowing that Henry would be right by your side if you stepped out, reminded again that this was your family. You were safe to be yourself here. 

“It’s ok, I think I can do this. I wanna try.” you nodded your approval and took a deep breath, climbing out of the car. 

Henry did the same, getting Kal and his leash situated before holding out his free hand for you to take, pressing another kiss to your hand when you did. 

“That’s my girl.” 

You’d never get over hearing him say those words, they filled you with butterflies and made you smile, giving you the strength to ignore anybody else, fuck em, you were living your best life with the best man and the best dog, nothing else mattered. 

Maybe regaining your confidence and being able to shut down those thoughts of self loathing and negativity weren’t going to be easy but you could remember doing it before and succeeding and thought this was new territory to navigate and a new situation than the last time, you could do it again, and Henry being there to encourage and support you would be even better. 

You were gonna be ok, periodt.

---

You held hands as you walked, snapping a million pics of Kal being absolutely adorable and saying hi to the usual people you saw walking everyday. 

Things felt serene, calm, like there was an air of hope around everything, it felt fresh and you liked it, wanted to lean into that and soak it in. The sunshine also did wonders to help your mood. 

A good twenty minutes into your walk, Henry pulls out his phone and hands you the leash. 

“I know you said not to address it before but...I’m gonna do it.” he winked at you and at first you were confused at what he meant but then you realized. 

He was gonna make a video addressing people’s comments about you and it half thrilled and terrified you. You didn’t want it to start drama, you’d witnessed the way things got ugly the times Henry replied back in your defense to someone being ignorant but it was incredibly endearing to see him support and defend you so fearlessly. 

You had to hold in your laughter as he started to speak to the camera, starting it off by prefacing what a lovely day it was in London, turning his phone so it was on you and Kal. You giggled and blew a kiss at him before looking away, knowing Henry was about to rip everyone a new one. 

“So I’m here on this lovely Sunday morning with my best girl and the best dog in the world to remind you that racism and body shaming and hateful comments towards the people I love will not be tolerated, we can all do better than that. It’s something I take seriously, as should you because you never know what someone is dealing with privately and it’s also just a cool thing to be decent, kind human beings!” 

You watched him continue on for a little bit longer, bright smile etched upon your features. He honestly looked really hot defending you like that, and then with the concentrated look he had on his face while typing out a caption and uploading it to his insta. He was giving you that ride or die type energy and you were so in love. 

“How was that?” he quirked an eyebrow and put his arm over your shoulder, mindful not to mess up the twists you’d put your hair into earlier that morning. 

“Honestly pretty hot.” it came out breathy and the look you gave him after let him know exactly how you were feeling bout it. 

---

After finishing up at the park and stopping at a couple stores, you were back home, Kal settling down now that he’d gotten his energy out for the time being. 

“So I want to revisit something you said earlier, love. C’mere.” Henry sat back on the couch, kicking his boots off. The way he was sitting, thighs on full display in his jeans, it only served to add to the multitude of dirty thoughts you were having. 

“Oh?” you played innocent, coming to sit in his lap. 

“Mhm, something about the statement I made being hot to you. I want to touch on that again. And also show you how much I love and appreciate your body and how sexy I find you.” his voice dropped in pitch and you were done for. 

He was always so good at these little acts of worship, as he called them. And there was no way you’d resist him. 

You hummed your approval as he pulled you in for a deep kiss, his tongue gliding over yours, your hands and his seeking each other out, tugging at clothes, the need to be so close to each other taking over. 

“You have no idea what you do to me, every day. I swear, love.” Henry nipped at your bare shoulder, standing up and taking you with him. 

His movements were so sure, so strong. 

He lay you on the soft sheets of your bed, careful not to crush you completely as he settled on top of you, lips finding your neck once more. 

“I could never get tired of this, of you. I want you to know that. I want to be here, always.” 

Your heart melts and you get even wetter all at the same time, smiling and moaning softly as Henry undresses you and showers you in kisses and love bites. 

The room begins to heat up and you can no longer breathe normally as Henry buries his face between your thighs, his fingers working in unison with his tongue. 

He flattened it out and flicked it over your clit, sucking and spitting on your pussy, letting it drip down over your folds before pressing his lips against you again. 

His beard grazed against your skin, making your squirm and cry out but he’s so strong his arms keep you in place, his mouth moving along with your hips. 

“Fuck, fuck oh my god, baby!” you dig your nails into his forearm, so close to letting go, the pressure building. 

And then he pulls away and you nearly scream. 

“You’re so unfair!” you huff, but still unable to resist him as he came up for air, pulling him towards you to kiss him. You could taste yourself on his tongue. 

He licked his fingers and grinned at you. 

“I promise you’ll get to come as many times as you want tonight. I just want you to fall apart on my dick, that’s all. I wanna fuck you senseless.” he pushed you back gently, your legs already sliding around his back. 

“Fuck me then, please. I want you so bad!” you whine and rock your hips into him, knowing the friction felt good. 

You asked and Henry was keen on delivering exactly that. 

Your legs were up on his shoulders as he slid into you again and again, going deeper each time, hitting that spot that made your legs shake. 

He pressed warm kisses to your calves and ankles, chuckling when you trembled and pulled at the sheets, the bed rocking back and forth from the force of his thrusts. 

He was so big and thick, it always took some time to get used to but you loved it, loved the feeling of him filling you up so deep, the way you’d stretch around him. 

Henry grunted out praise and compliments about your body, how he thought about you like this when he was away from home, countless times you got him hard at inappropriate times because you were just that sexy to him. That he loved you endlessly and wanted to show you and make you feel loved in a hundred different ways. 

It was so nasty but so romantic at the same time and you were living for it. 

“You feel so fucking good you know that, baby? Come on, look at me while I fuck you.”

It was hard to focus but for him you’d manage anything, biting your lip and surrendering yourself to the emotions and heat flowing between you both. 

Henry kept a steady pace, fucking you hard and deep, coaxing you for more after every orgasm he pulled from you, praising you and telling you that you were his, only his. 

It was everything and you found yourself a babbling mess by the time he came deep inside you with a strangled cry, sweat coating both your bodies, and still he placed sloppy kisses to your lips, laughing with you as you both caught your breaths. 

You kept your legs wrapped around him, wanting him to stay inside you for a little while longer, relishing in the feeling of him. Letting your mind float back into your body, where it solidified the fact that Henry was your man and he loved you and it was as simple and deep as that. 

He was everything you’d ever wanted in a partner and you were the same for him and through your insecurities and rough patches, you’d be there for each other. Nothing could change that. 

“I don’t think I can walk but fuck...I love you, Henry.”

“Ah that just means I get to carry you everywhere. And I love you too, angel. Always.”

---

Ahhh so I hope this was alright! 

Shoutout to all my sensitive black girls out there who struggle with self esteem and self worth, we’re so valid and beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You deserve love and affection and I know you will all receive what you always put out!

Also I’m deep in my Henry feels and hope you enjoyed this! 

Let me know what you think, thank you for reading!!

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[airiervessel]

When One Stops The Kiss To Whisper “I’m Sorry, Are You Sure You-” And They Answer By Kissing Them More with logince?

also combining this with an anon’s request of 57 and logince! // prompts are open! (list)

67. When one stops the kiss to whisper “i’m sorry, are you sure you-” and they answer by kissing them more 57. Breaking the kiss to say something, staying so close that they’re murmuring into each other’s mouths

Word Count: 2241 Pairing: Logince Content: high school au (i’m imagining them as juniors or seniors? so they’re both 17 or 18), childhood best friends, asexual logan, so much pining, healthy discussions of feelings

Logan and Roman are best friends. Logan always acts awkward around their friends who are couples, and he has an asexual pride patch on his favorite jacket, alongside the various NASA and other nerdy patches he has all over it -- many of which Roman helped him sew on. Once, a couple of years ago, during a sleepover when they were staying up late talking about everything, he told Roman that he didn’t think he could ever see himself in a committed relationship. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to do it.

Logan and Roman are best friends. Logan isn’t interested in dating. Neither of these facts stopped Roman from falling head over heels in love with him. 

He reminds himself every time he finds himself staring at Logan’s face, every time he realizes his heart is nearly beating out of his chest whenever Logan laughs. He pinches himself in the thigh when he feels Logan’s shoulder brush his, or when Logan’s hand passes over his as he reaches for a certain book or pen. He acts as normal as he can, flopping down dramatically onto the sofa next to Logan and throwing his legs over his lap like his stomach isn’t full of butterflies, and tries to ignore the way Logan’s fond eye roll and careful adjustment around Roman brings warmth to Roman’s cheeks. 

Everything Logan does makes Roman’s heart sing, and he wants nothing more than to confess his feelings because this is the one thing Logan doesn’t know about him, the one secret he’s ever kept from his best friend. 

They promised, once, at Logan’s ninth birthday party, never to keep secrets from each other again. Roman had helped Logan’s parents and brother plan a surprise party for him, and he had been so excited to see Logan’s face, to see his reaction when he walked in his house after school to find everyone gathered there, ready to celebrate with him. But Logan had been scared by the noise and the number of people and had run off to their treehouse in a panic, and Roman had followed him and helped calm him down from his first-ever panic attack. 

After, when Logan was sniffling into Roman’s shoulder, he asked Roman to always warn him about parties in the future. “I can act surprised,” he whispers, his voice thick from the tears. “But you know I need to prepare to spend time around a bunch of people.” 

Roman had pulled back and offered his pinky, his expression serious. “I promise to never keep a secret from you again, Logan,” he said, and Logan smiled and hooked their pinkies together. 

“I promise too,” he replied, his expression so trusting and open, even after Roman’s surprise had hurt him so much. 

Thinking about that exchange now makes Roman roll onto his back in his bed with a dramatic groan, covering his face with a pillow. Guilt burns in his stomach -- they’d promised never to keep secrets from each other, and here he is, two months after realizing he has romantic feelings for Logan, and he’s kept it to himself. He hasn’t told anyone, not his parents, not his other friends, not even his cat. The first person to learn important things about Roman has always been Logan, and it makes the guilt boiling in his gut even worse to think about sharing this secret with anyone besides his best friend. 

He rolls onto his side, tugging the pillow down off his face and frowning at his stuffed Winnie the Pooh on the other side of his bed. He has to tell Logan. He can’t keep going like this -- the guilt is already eating him up inside. It rises like bile along with the butterflies that appear every time he looks at Logan, the confession burning at the back of his throat before he clamps down and swallows it back. 

Roman is terrified of ruining what they have, of losing his best friend. But he can’t keep breaking their promise, either. 

---------

His resolution to confess to Logan turns out to be much easier said than done, as so many things are. He comes close several times over the next week, when they’re at lunch in their favorite spot in the courtyard, when they’re hanging out in Logan’s room studying, when they’re leaving math class and Logan laughs at something Roman says. Several times a day, the words burn his mouth, but his tongue feels like it’s glued to the roof of his mouth, and his vocal chords feel as though they’re tied into knots in his throat, and he can never say it. 

It’s Friday evening, over a week after Roman’s decision to come clean about his feelings, and still he hasn’t done it. He and Logan are in his bedroom, Logan reading a chapter in their history textbook aloud as Roman works on his current cross-stitching project. He focuses on the needle in his hands, on poking it through the fabric over and over again, the mostly-mindless work with his hands and eyes helping him process the information Logan’s lovely voice is reading. 

Logan stops, apparently having come to the end of the section, and Roman smiles even as he doesn’t look away from his stitching. “Alexander the Great sounds pretty awesome,” he says. “He actually listened to his men when they said they were ready to go home. That’s a pretty good leader, if you ask me.”

Logan usually argues with him on points like this, usually brings up some horrible thing the person did or the stupid way they died to counter Roman’s point, but he’s silent this time. Roman knows he’s not entirely right, knows Logan must have some kind of argument to make, so he looks up, turning his head to look at his best friend, tilting his head to the side in concern. “What’s up, Sir Nerds-a-Lot? You don’t usually let me admire historical figures without bringing up their flaws. Is anything wrong?”

Logan opens his mouth, then closes it, his eyebrows furrowed. Roman lowers his stitching to the bed and turns to face him fully, really concerned now. It’s rare that Logan is at a complete loss for words, and Roman is already running through the events of the afternoon, trying to find something that could have upset Logan. 

“Specs? Are you-” he begins, but he’s cut off by a mouth on his -- by Logan’s mouth on his. Logan is kissing him.

Roman is so shocked he can’t even respond, his eyes wide open as his hands flutter uncertain over Logan’s shoulders. He can see one of Logan’s eyes squeezed shut, and just when Roman is about to melt into the kiss, Logan pulls away, already rambling. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that without asking, I-” but Roman cuts him off as well, taking Logan’s face gingerly in his hands and capturing his lips in another kiss. 

And oh, is it amazing. He always wondered if the books were exaggerating when they described fireworks, but it really is like fireworks are going off in his chest, like bright spots of color are dancing behind his eyelids, like he’s never done and will never do anything as wonderful and amazing as kiss Logan Sanders. Logan’s arms wrap around his neck, his hands wrapping into Roman’s hair, and he hums into the kiss, feeling Logan shudder in response. 

He finally pulls back slightly, though hardly puts any space between them, his lips still brushing Logan’s as he whispers into the small space between them. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time now,” he breathes, and his stomach does a flip when Logan chuckles quietly in response. He presses another kiss to Logan’s lips, and the other returns it for a moment before pulling back, further this time, and stroking his hand through Roman’s hair as he meets his eyes. 

“Why didn’t you?” He asks, his expression open and so clearly happy that Roman has to look away, his eyes drifting to the side as something that feels suspiciously like shame crawls up his back, settling on his shoulders like a lead weight. 

Logan’s thumb traces back and forth over his cheekbone, though, and he brings one of his own hands up to cover Logan’s closing his eyes and smiling slightly at the sensation. “I thought….you have the ace pin. You told me that one time that you didn’t think you could ever be in a relationship. I thought you weren’t interested.” He turns his head slightly, pressing a feather-light kiss to Logan’s palm before opening his eyes, his lips still brushing Logan’s skin as he continues. “I didn’t want to ruin anything. I didn’t want to lose you.” 

Now it’s Logan’s turn to look away, looking sheepish. “When I said that….” he clears his throat, and Roman squeezes his shoulder where his free hand is resting on it. Logan looks back at him and smiles, seeming encouraged. “I didn’t mean that I did not want a relationship. I have, in fact, wanted one very badly for several years. With you, specifically.” 

Roman lets out a gasp at that, tightening his grip on Logan’s hand. “Lo…” he breathes, amazed that Logan’s felt that way about him for so long. 

(Then again, Logan has always been a genius, has always picked up on things faster than Roman, or anyone else, for that matter.)

Logan strokes his thumb over Roman’s cheekbone again, looking amazed that he’s being allowed to do it. “When I said that, I was actually speaking of my belief of my own inability to properly perform in a relationship. Being in a relationship with someone...it requires a great deal of emotional intelligence, which we both know that I do not possess. And…” he trails off again, looking away and pulling his hands away from Roman, who ardently wishes he would do anything but that. 

“And as you said, I am asexual. I would be….unable to. Perform. In that capacity. If we were to date.” Logan looks at his lap, clasping his hands together there and looking as if he’s about to cry. 

“Logan,” Roman chokes out, leaning forward and taking Logan’s face in his hands once again, tilting it up gently and stroking it with his thumbs as Logan just did for him. “Logan, I-” his voice breaks, and he leans his forehead against Logan’s, feeling the other’s hands resting lightly on his waist as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to sift through the roiling emotions in his chest. 

After a moment, he opens his eyes to meet Logan’s, one of his hands moving to brush his hair back, cradling his head as he leans back slightly, just enough so he doesn’t have to go cross-eyed to maintain eye contact. 

“I love you,” he says finally, his voice and heart barreling forward even as his mind struggles to catch up, as usual. “I love you just as you are, and all that you are. I would never-” his voice breaks again here, and he shakes his head, stroking Logan’s hair back again. “I would never make you do anything, anything, that you’re not comfortable with,” he finishes in a whisper. “I would love to be with you in any way that you’ll have me, whether it’s as a best friend, or a boyfriend, or a partner, or...or if you want to--to never see me again, that’s okay too,” his voice cracks once again, and this time tears spill out of his eyes and down his cheeks. 

Logan’s hands fly up to wipe them away, and his head is already shaking in Roman’s gentle grip. “No, no, no, I--of course I want to see you again, you idiot, you’re my...you’re my Roman.”

Roman can’t help but laugh wetly at that, and Logan surges up to kiss him again, and they fall silent for a few moments. When they pull back, Logan resumes wiping at Roman’s face, his expression soft. “I love you too,” he whispers. “And I’m yours. In any way you’ll have me.” 

Roman laughs and kisses him again, pecking him three, four, five times on the lips, then all over his face, drawing giggles out of Logan as Roman moved down to blow a raspberry on his neck. 

Later, they’ll order a pizza for dinner, and sit on Roman’s bed eating it and talking about everything they’ve always talked about, and everything they’ve never talked about. They’ll discuss their own boundaries, and who they want to tell about the relationship, and who’s going to plan their first date. Roman will joke about celebrating anniversaries weekly, and will immediately resolve to do it when he sees how the idea makes Logan blush. 

Later, Roman’s parents will come home and find Logan there much later than usual, and they’ll see how the two of them smile at each other and know that they finally worked things out. 

Later, they’ll fall asleep with Big Hero 6 playing in the background, snuggled close together under Roman’s comforter. 

But that’s all for later. For now they laugh, and kiss, and tickle each other, and bask in the glow of the new step of their relationship. 

Logan and Roman are best friends. They both spent a long time believing their feelings for each other are unrequited, that saying something would ruin their relationship forever. They were both wrong.

[johannstutt413]

(I can’t stop myself, have a horse)

When Nearl had asked the Doctor about her sister joining Rhodes Island, he hadn’t quite known what to expect; on the one hand, another Operator with even remotely the moral backbone as the Elite Operator everyone knew would be an immense help, but never in his wildest dreams would he have expected what happened on their first meeting.

“Come in,” he said, half-bored as he waited for her in his off- oh. “Ah, you’re...um...”

“Kazimierz knight, codename ‘Blemishine...’ Hehe, you must be the Doctor. Nearl told me all about you on the trip here. You can call me ‘Maria’ if you want~” After holding a straight face long enough to introduce herself by name, she’d slipped into a mischievous smile.

That’s where it all started - that damn blessed smile. He got out of his chair and, not knowing what to do with himself, bowed like he’d learned to do in Lungmen. “W-welcome aboard, Maria. Have- eh?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Doctor!” The younger Kuranta had giggled. “I couldn’t help myself. My sister said you fell to pieces around beautiful women, but I didn’t bring one with me, so...”

“Ah, r-right. I’ve been working with her almost since my return, haven’t I?” That was to himself more than anything, but as scrambled as he was, his brain retained it about as well as any other gibberish.

Maria managed to stop laughing, but the smile on her face was still enough to set his heart racing. “Hopefully I’ll have plenty of time to work with you, too! Although, I was curious about the Engineering Department-”

“I can take you there myself, if you’d like.” The Doctor slipped his keycard around his neck. “Closure and her group are rather close-knit, but anyone with an interest is welcome to talk at least.”

“Sounds great! Oh, but I promised auntie Zo- I mean, my other sister Whislash that I’d go see the training area with her after I introduced myself. You, um, won’t tell her I said that, will you?”

See, more gibberish. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” ‘You, on the other hand...’

“Thank you, Doctor. I’ve got to take a rain check on the Engineering Department trip, but I’d love to talk some more. See you!”

------------

“Maria?” Some time later, the Doctor found her hiding behind a pile of boxes in the Trading Post during his usual visiting. “Why are you-”

She grabbed his hand and pulled him behind the boxes with her. “Shh! Sorry, but I snuck in to hide from Zofia. Are you busy right now?”

“...Actually, I have an idea. She wouldn’t say anything about you being my assistant, would she?” He’d stopped losing absolutely all of his brain power in her vicinity over the past few weeks, which brought him back to his usual somewhat-scheming self.

“I don’t think she would.” Blemishine frowned. “But Doctor, I’ve never really done a lot of paperwork before-”

He shook his head. “I can do all of that stuff myself. At least for today, you can come help me with my coffee maker, but after that-”

“Say no more; I’ll have your coffee maker better than new when I’m done with it!” Without another moment of hesitation, she bolted from her hiding place, and still attached to the Doctor by the hand, they were off to his office.

‘This is perfect.’ Gears were turning all the way to the door. ‘As long as there’s something broken in my office, I can keep her with me instead of having her run around on missions like Kal’tsit keeps arranging. Oh, this is going to be great-”

The Kuranta squeezed his hand. “Doctor? I don’t have a key to your office.”

“Oh, we’re here already? Well, we’ll fix that today.” Swipe, click, door open.

“Kind of an old model, isn’t it?” She trotted over to it, immediately taking off covers and hatches with the pocket toolkit she carried with her. “What’s the issue with it right now?”

Oh, right. “It doesn’t heat up anymore, so it can’t start percolating. I’ve tried replacing the battery, but that didn’t work for very long at all.”

“Oh, gotcha! Well, I can fix that nice and easily, then. Let me just get to the heating element and- wait, no wonder it stopped working. Doctor, there’s a tea bag crammed where the power source connects to the rest of the machine.”

“Damnit, Nian.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Well, that’s an even easier fix, then. Sorry about that.”

Maria smiled at him - every time was just as radiant as the first. “Not a problem at all! I’ve been meaning to talk to you, anyway, so, um, if there’s not thing else you need me to do, I can stay.”

“Then, please, stay as long as you like.” The Doctor leaned on his desk; his heart was going into conniptions over this turn of events.

“That long?” She chuckled. “If you say so, Doctor. Can I ask you something a bit random?”

If she’d asked for the moon, he would’ve at least given it a shot. “Of course.”

“I know it’s been almost a month now, but most of the other Operators in my section are older, and I don’t really have anyone else to ask, so...When I got my second promotion, I made myself a new uniform.”

“The one you’re wearing right now, right?” It’d been a sudden change, but not an unwelcome one. “It’s absolutely stunning. You made it?”

For the first time that he’d ever seen, Blemishine blushed. “Uh-huh. It...You really like it?”

“Perfect to break waves in.” Shit, that’d just slipped out-

“You’ve read it?” Distance? What distance? No, she hadn’t been standing by the coffee maker; Maria had definitely always been no less than eight inches away from the Doctor. “That wasn’t a coincidence, was it?”

...Nope. “I heard you talking about it with Istina the other day, so I bought it.”

“Isn’t it a powerful story?” The Kuranta’s eyes were literally shimmering. “I know I never got to be a real knight, but because of that, there’s so much of the world I can see now. Besides, like my sister says, ‘To be a knight is to be the noble light that illuminates the land,’ so all I have to do is be that, and I can be like her...A true knight.”

“Do you need to be like her to be a knight, though?”

Now that was something she’d never been asked before. “Doctor?”

“Sorry, and no offense to Margaret, but why would you have to copy her when you can be yourself?” His eyes were the ones shining now, even if there was genuine confusion in them. “You protect your fellow Operators masterfully, and you hold your convictions closer to your heart than anyone else I know. You’re brave, mindful, attentive, and optimistic even in the face of seemingly unbreakable odds. Who cares if Kazimierz realizes that or not; you’re truly a knight in shining armor.”

“...So this is where you were, all this time.” Blemishine sniffed, wiping a tear from her eye.

The Doctor wiped the next one for her. “Who do you mean?”

“My Prince Charming.” She shook her head. “Margaret and Zofia both said it was just my imagination, but I knew; the way you cheer up so quickly when you see me, how hard you fight to give me what I ask for, all the times you got me out of something so we could tak.... Sorry, I’m just really happy.”

“Don’t let me stop you.” His hand was still by her face, but now his thumb was simply stroking her cheek. Her skin was softer than he’d expected-

-which was even more obvious when Maria kissed him, her pegasian eyes letting her perfectly read the room...

[four-loose-screws]

FE8 Novelization Translation - Chapter 13, Section 1

If you would like to start from the beginning, read a missed part, etc., click here!

FE Game Script Translations - FE Novel Translations - Original FE Support Conversations

If you are interested in donating to support my work, please check out my Ko-fi here. Thank you!

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I call this a “section” because it is not a separate part of the chapter in the book, but divided from the rest of the chapter by a scene break.

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Chapter 13: The Desert Palace

Jehanna was known as the Country of White Dunes. Just as that name implied, the capital city was chosen to be built upon a tiny patch of green land in the middle of a giant desert.

The rainy season was very short, and the air was dry almost the entire year round. Skeletons of animals that had collapsed from exhaustion dotted the desert. However, despite being suffocated by such harsh nature, Jehanna was also beautiful.

The country was ruled by Queen Ismaire. Her husband had passed long ago, and after overcoming countless hardships, she’d come to be a fine ruler for the country. The palace towered majestically over the white desert, and was a symbol of how the queen lived her life.

Eirika’s army traveled along the narrow main road built throughout the desert and towards the capital city. The palace looked so very far away.

What was going on inside that beautiful palace now? Just thinking about it lowered their spirits. Eirika was lost in thought as she swayed gently atop her horse, but noticed a small flower that had bloomed on the side of the road, and stopped.

When she jumped off her horse and went to pick the flower, she smelled a refreshing aroma. 

Tana saw what she was doing, and peered over at her. “It’s so cute! Wow, flowers can even bloom in a dry climate like this!”

“This is a medicinal plant. I forgot its name, but… it’s supposed to be very effective at relieving the pain of wounds. It only grows in dry climates, so it is a valuable plant.”

“Wow… you really know a lot about it! I'm surprised that you know something like that!"

Eirika smiled and stared down at the beautiful flower in her hand.

The person who had taught her all about it was Lyon. He had his very own medicinal plant garden in a corner of Grado Castle’s garden, where he grew a wide variety of plants. He’d even worked very hard to recreate a desert environment and tried to raise plants that only grew in that climate.

Ephraim showed no interest in medicinal plants, and did not come near them, but Eirika often visited the garden with Lyon. Even Lyon, who’d been shy at first, opened up and answered all of Eirika’s various questions on the subject, telling her all the plants’ names, effects, and how to care for them.

“Those without money cannot buy expensive medicine, right? But there are plants everywhere that can become effective medicines. I’m studying medicinal plants, and want to teach the people about them, because it should make life much easier for those suffering from illnesses…”

Eirika was impressed by all the things Lyon passionately shared with her. She still had much to learn about the world at the time, and hadn’t thought yet about the lives of the people.

“You’re so admirable, Lyon! You think as hard as you can to find a way to make everyone happy, don’t you?”

“Oh, I’m not admirable at all… This is the only sort of thing I can do… I’m terrible at sword fighting. I lose even to you.”

When Lyon said that, he seemed embarrassed, so much so that when Eirika looked at him, she felt sorry for him. She couldn’t keep herself from frowning.

‘Why can’t he realize what his own amazing strengths are? It doesn’t matter if he’s bad at sword fighting, because he posesses kindness and intelligence that is unlike anyone else’s.’

This was the same Lyon that had led the Grado Army and conquered Jehanna. Eirika still couldn’t believe it. 

Of course, a commanding officer didn’t need to be an exceptional soldier. It was also conceivable that Lyon was just being used as decoration, and someone else was really leading the army. However, Eirika was still not convinced.

“I’ve heard that Prince Lyon has a gentle personality, and loathes fighting.” Innes whispered, as if he could read Eirika’s wavering heart. He had come up beside her at some point, and was now walking alongside her horse.

“Seems like it was all an act. Perhaps he deceived you and Ephraim to get you two to let your guards down.”

“...That’s...” Eirika wanted to disagree, but she couldn’t find any strength to put into her voice.

Innes had never actually met Lyon, so he was suspicious of him. Eirika could assert that the many different ways he'd shown kindness could not have been false, but it would only be her insisting that her memories were the truth with no proof at all against the fact that they knew for certain that he had conquered Jehanna. 

“I’ve heard that he can use dark magic. Do you know how skilled he is in it, Eirika?”

“...Yes. The bishop that taught him always praised him highly because of his intelligence and passion for studying. He seemed to read difficult books a lot.”

"Then he is very dangerous.” Innes furrowed his brow.

Though he may know dark magic, Lyon never studied it with bad intentions. Darkness was important for bringing peace to people’s hearts. Lyon’s passion for learning magic was always for the sake of others.

L’Arachel was listening to their conversation, and added, “We have no reason to fear the power of darkness, for we have received the gods’ blessing! We shall retake the palace in one fell swoop!”

“No, we do not know if the queen is safe yet. She’s been taken as a hostage, so we must tread carefully.” Innes said.

“You’re right…” All of the energy drained from within L’Arachel, and she sighed deeply.

ー

Eirika’s army set up camp outside the city and decided to finalize their strategy.

There were hardly any people in the capital, and it had become very quiet. At first, Jehanna Palace looked like a beautiful mirage, but from this closer distance, they could see that it was guarded by a sturdy wall. Now that it had fallen into the hands of the enemy, the strength of that wall had backfired.

“The only way to minimize the damage we cause as we attack the palace is to swiftly tear down the front gate. The armored knights should rush in with the cavalry, then the infantry should follow in right after them. Still, we must prepare to damage the palace if need be…” Seth’s expression was dark. 

Innes asked, “Were we able to acquire any knowledge about the palace’s inner structure?”

“No. It is very complex, and we do not know the details of it.”

“That’s not good. We have no idea what kind of traps the enemy has laid out...”

“Rather than tear down the front gate, we should go around the side.”

Eirika and the others all looked up towards the source of the voice that had suddenly cut in from the side.

Those attending the meeting should have been only the army’s leaders. However, at some point, Joshua had entered the tent.

Innes huffed and ordered, “We’re in the middle of an important meeting right now. Please leave.”

“You want to know the inner structure of the palace, right? I’ll tell you.”

“What? Why would you know…?”

“Please wait, Innes!” Eirika stopped him.

Joshua had many years of experience as a mercenary. He might have had an opportunity to obtain a map of the palace at some point. It was unfortunate, but they didn’t have time to question him about it. If they did not hurry, then the queen would be in trouble.

“Please tell us everything you know, Joshua. Are there any other methods of getting inside the palace besides breaking down the front gate?”

“The layout of the palace is very complex. The front gate is not the only way inside. There is also a small passageway that merchants use to get in and out. It is likely that the enemy has not realized it is there.”

“...Can you lead us to it?”

“Yes.” Joshua nodded lightly. 

Innes narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

But Eirika decided to trust him. She had been suspicious of his true motives once in the past, but up until now, he had always fought as another member of her army with all his strength. She did not want to question that sincerity any longer.

Joshua pulled out a piece of paper that had a quick sketch of the palace drawn on it. Though the drawing only consisted of simple lines, it was surprisingly detailed. It had everything they would need written on it, from the placement of the hallways and rooms, to where the stairs and even pillars were. 

“The throne room is inside here. Prince Lyon is most likely leading the army from in there. And in the basement, there is an altar. If they are keeping the queen confined, then it is likely that they are using this room down there to do so.” Joshua pointed at the map and explained. 

Seth and Innes stared at the map with very serious looks on their faces.

“We’ll designate a large enough force to rush the gate and feint an attack on it. They will be a diversion and draw in the enemy, and should attack and retreat repeatedly so that no one is injured. Using that gap in the enemy’s defenses, a small elite force will attack from the merchant’s entrance on the east side. The enemy's guard there will probably be light, so we should be able to attack and defeat them in one swoop. After we establish that area as a base, we will head for the throne room.”

“...Alright.” Innes seemed to agree with that strategy. He raised his head up with confidence and looked at Joshua. “I shall lead the diversion team. At the very least, we will make a scene, and keep them in one area. Eirika, I want you to lead the elite force. Joshua, you will of course guide Eirika down the merchant’s entrance.”

Eirika nodded and looked at Joshua.

He had the same thin smile on his face as always, but his expression looked a bit more stiff than usual.

It wasn’t just a strange feeling. Something about the way Joshua was acting was undoubtedly strange. A dark color shaded his eyes. He seemed to have noticed that Eirika was staring at him, as he quickly turned his head away, and rushed out of the tent.