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bluebeary-jay · 1 year

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How easy you are to need

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel notices that the peaceful life in Jackson has its consequences. he is not happy about it (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: TONS OF ANGST, but also FLUFF, established relationship, ahh intrusive thoughts (how much i hate them), Joel is probably ooc but i don't care anymore, also he's soft and insecure and vulnerable

Warnings: body dismorphia and lots of self-loathing on Joel's side, at one (two?) points borderline on smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hihihi, swearing, drinking (just mentioned), suggestive stuff bc apparently i can't help myself 😌

Word count: 8K ! (8028 specifically woah)

A/N: the next fic will definitely be shorter bc i really need to start caring less about the quality of my work, it takes way too long for my liking. buuut anyway as always 🎶i hope yall will like it🎶 this is my birthday gift for you guys 💕

Joel looked at himself in the mirror with furrowed brows.

He pulled in his stomach and tried to zip his pants. It still fit, but barely. He undid the zip, turned to the side and looked at his reflection again, just to make sure.

Yeah. This pair was definitely loose until a while ago.

He glanced at the door, but didn’t hear you coming, so he sighed and looked in the mirror again. Joel was never particularly muscular, but he could no longer see those thin lines which accentuated his torso before. There was also a bit of fat above the hem of his jeans, and his frame seemed somehow heavier…

Good thing his left ear was directed to the door, because he heard the moment the water in the shower stopped running, which meant you were coming back from the bathroom. Joel spared himself one last wary look and zipped up his pants before turning around to your shared bed where his shirt lay discarded.

He was putting his arms into the sleeves when you entered. A couple of light steps, and then Joel smiled when he felt your arms wrapping around his torso. He glanced over his shoulder at you.

“You took your sweet time in the shower,” he pointed out, and he could feel your smile when you pressed your face to his back.

“We finally have hot water, so I’m gonna use it every chance I get.”

“You left some for me?”

You huffed a laugh and went around him, moving his hands away and starting to button his shirt yourself.

“There would be, if you took a shower with me.”

“Next time, sweetheart,” he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead softly, combing his fingers through your wet hair. He hummed. “Your hair smells nice.”

“It’s that shampoo Ellie didn’t want.” You shook your head with a smile. “I have no idea why, it’s fantastic.”

You buttoned up the last button and smoothed your palms over his chest and down, lastly resting them on his waist. Internally Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he could always feel this fold when you put your hands in that place.

“You look handsome,” you whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes and such a soft, love-struck expression on your face that Joel felt his throat constricting. Everything but the sight of you faded from his mind, and he joined his hands behind your back, pulling you closer into his chest and basking in this precious smile you blessed him with. “Especially with the bed hair.”

“It’s your doin’, you know,” he murmured in response, nudging your nose with his and reminiscing how you tugged and raked your nails through his hair the night before. “You gotta be careful with it, sweet girl. If you continue doin’ it, m’gonna go bald soon.”

You hummed noncommittally and leaned against his chest, standing on your tip-toes. “I’ll take it under consideration. No promises, though.”

Joel lifted his hand to the back of your neck and kissed you slowly, reveling in the soft sigh that left your lips. You rested your palm above his heart, leaning forward to the point that you would fall over if he wasn’t supporting your weight.

But Joel held you tight and close to his body, gladly steadying you as you deepened the kiss, once again tugging on his graying hair in that way he adored. He wanted to tease you about it, but his thoughts strayed to the image of his body again when you lowered your hand from his chest to his side.

“You remember that tonight is this party?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Joel gave up pondering about his physique and sighed heavily at your question, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Yeah, I remember. Regrettably.”

“I don’t want to go, either,” you whispered with guilt, as if someone would hear you both. “But Tommy really wanted us to come and… Just don’t make me go alone.”

“Hey, darlin’.” Joel took your face in his hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I promised, didn’t I? M’not gonna leave you there on your own.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them. “And mind you, I gotta make sure no one will try to seduce and steal you away from me.”

You giggled, and you were standing so close that Joel could feel your eyelashes tickling his skin. He held you close when you tried to take a step back, and your lips collided again.

“That is the one thing you don’t need to ever worry about,” you murmured quietly into the space between you two. “How could I even look at other people when I have you all to myself?”

Joel’s reflection in the mirror flashed across his mind again and a small wave of uncertainty rippled through him, but it quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes and looked at him with this raw love radiating from them. Your every word, every affectionate gesture only confirmed his conviction that you meant every word you said.

So why did he still feel so uncertain?

*****

Life in Jackson was perfect. Considering the state of the world right now, living here was like winning a lottery.

Joel had a lot to be thankful for, he was well aware of that. No longer had he any fears or sense of guilt about going to sleep and leaving you and Ellie defenseless if something were to happen. He didn’t have to count rations anymore, worrying that the kid would be forced to march all day hungry. There was now no need to keep a watchful eye for new clothes if someone’s worn off, ripped or got soaked from walking in the rain, posing a threat of you or Ellie catching a cold.

Back in Boston it wasn’t much different, though he and you had at least a bed to sleep in, as uncomfortable as it was. But there was never enough food for all those people Fedra kept there, and the winters were cold as hell, leaving at least one of you a bit sick every year.

None of those things were keeping him awake at night anymore. The only people he had to take care of – you and Ellie – were safe and comfortable. None of you had to starve or freeze, and you all didn’t have to continue walking across the country for days and days without end, struggling to survive.

Maybe that was the problem.

Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew that those luxuries he had an access to now were at the root of his problem. Before you all settled in Jackson, you were constantly on the move, fighting for your lives in one way or another, so of course he was… leaner and more fit back then. It was never something he paid attention to, though, never something he concerned himself with.

But now you three were living here, surrounded by more people than Joel could count, and he couldn’t help but… notice things about them.

Especially about all those men and women who looked at you in a different way.

Due to the nature of the party Tommy invited them to – mainly consisting of dancing and talking in the biggest bar in Jackson – Joel had a lot of time to ponder about his situation, all while nursing his drink and looking at you from across the room with his elbows resting on the table.

You were chatting with one of your friends near the counter, laughing and smiling so beautifully. No matter where Joel’s eyes strayed, they always came back to your person, as if you were the moon against the pitch black sky, reflecting some imperceptible light.

Some guy he knew by sight – Chuck? Bart? – walked up and tapped you on the shoulder, and from what Joel could tell, he was offering you a drink. He was standing way too close, though, and you took a step closer to your friend, shaking your head. Chuck – or Bart – persisted for another half a minute, but eventually shrugged and shuffled off, his movements tense.

Joel didn’t move. He knew from experience that you’d let him know if you needed his help.

As if sensing his gaze, you turned your head and sent him a radiant smile. He mirrored it, lifting his glass slightly like he was toasting you, which made you do the same before resuming the conversation with your friend.

His smile disappeared as soon as you stopped looking at him. Joel sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, feeling a headache coming from the dull lights and loud chatter all around.

It were moments like this when it hit him just how old he was compared to you.

You were a sweet, young thing. Funny, sharp, drop-dead gorgeous… No wonder some people were seeking your attention. That guy was just one of the half a dozen he saw or heard about since you moved to Jackson.

Joel knew you were a loyal sort – God, he knew that, he knew you for so long now – but every time he saw you talking to someone else, his treacherous mind started to wonder if he wasn’t somehow keeping you chained to his person.

It was probably alcohol talking, but Lord, if he wasn’t reminded of how old he was compared to you every time he saw you next to your peers. You still had so much life ahead of you, and he was pushing sixty, for fuck’s sake. Before long he’ll be old and decrepit, unable to bring something useful to the table or help you in any way, and you’d still be as pretty as ever, trapped in a relationship with an old man.

For example, that guy – Chuck, or whomever – was way closer to your age, had handsome features, and Joel knew for a fact he was working at tree felling, so he had to be muscular, too.

Joel was once, too. Once.

He subtly ran his hand across his stomach under the jacket, his brows furrowed, and leaned back on the bench to get rid of those damned fat folds.

He sighed and downed the rest of the liquor in his glass, trying very hard not to think about it, not to put himself down like that and let those cruel thoughts fester in his mind, but no matter what, he couldn’t stop comparing himself to this guy, and also… how you looked next to him.

Shit. What if he was doing you more harm than good by continuing to stay with you?

“I could pickpocket you and you wouldn’t notice.”

Joel looked up, abruptly pulled out of his thoughts. You were standing over his table with your head tilted and still that beaming smile on your face.

“What are you thinking about, handsome?”

He opened his mouth, glanced in the direction of the bar, and closed it. There was no sign of any of the people you just talked with.

“Nothin’,” he replied, maybe a little too dryly, so he quickly changed the subject. “You havin’ fun?”

“Yeah, it’s nicer than I thought.” You looked around and then spotted the empty glass on the table in front of him. “Do you want me to bring you another one?”

“No, there’s no need,” he grumbled, but you had already put your drink down and sent him a wink.

“I'll be right back, baby.”

Joel hissed your name but you just looked over your shoulder with a smirk, swinging your hips provocatively to the music and ignoring him completely. He sighed heavily, slumping in his seat.

He needed to get his shit together. Fuck his insecurities, he didn’t want to take his frustration out on you when you were nothing but a ray of sunshine in his life, always so good and affectionate.

Joel’s thoughts came to a sudden stop when he searched for you in the crowd and noticed another man, this time one he didn’t know, swinging his arm over your shoulders while you waited at the bar. He tried to read your body language from here, but you didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable with the man’s actions. Joel furrowed his brows, a pit of uncertainty forming in his stomach again... but then you threw the man’s heavy limb off your shoulders and went back to Joel’s table as soon as you got the drink.

“Thanks, darlin’,” he murmured, taking a large gulp despite telling himself earlier that he was done drinking for today. “Were you okay back there?” He pointed his chin towards the bar.

You sat down next to him and smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”

Joel knew you long enough to recognize when you were teasing him, and he smirked despite the doubts swirling in his mind.

“Was that guy givin’ you any trouble?” he asked lazily, deciding to play along.

“Would you beat the shit out of him if I said yes?” you asked with your eyebrows raised, and Joel shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“Probably.”

You giggled and bumped his shoulder with yours playfully.

“Then no. Peter’s a good guy. Just a little,” you seemed to be looking for the right word, “uhm, persistent.” When Joel sent you a dubious look, you rolled your eyes and made a face. “He’s politely hitting on me, but doesn’t get that I’m not interested. He works at the same place I do.”

“If he keeps makin’ you uncomfortable, that’s not very polite.” You squinted at him and Joel lifted his hands in fake surrender. “M’not sayin’ anythin’. You can take care of yourself, I know that.”

You hummed melodically and glanced at the bar, then back at Joel. Then back at the bar again where that Peter guy stood. Joel noticed you biting the inside of your cheek, so he gently nudged your knee with his.

“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?”

“Maybe you could help me make it clear that I’m taken?” you blurted out quickly, making him crack a smile and chuckle under his breath.

It was so very easy to forget about all the problems in the world when you were there, sitting right next to him and warming his soul and body with your mere presence.

“Come ‘ere,” he breathed and tugged you gently to sit on his lap. You faltered, but he gave your hand another light tug, and finally you let him guide you, putting one arm around his shoulders and making yourself comfortable.

Joel’s hand mindlessly went to rest on your thigh and he rubbed it comfortingly. That Peter guy, as he noted with satisfaction, was staring right back at you, eyeing the way your body was pressed flush against Joel’s with a twisted face.

Once the eyes of the both men met, Joel leaned in and kissed your neck, keeping eye contact the entire time. Peter turned away, taking a large swig from his glass.

Joel felt your muscles relaxing, and you giggled adorably next to his ear at his antics, hiding your neck between your shoulders when he nibbled at your skin lightly. Then your hand covered his, the one lying on your thigh, and stroked his skin lovingly.

Maybe Joel was keeping you chained somehow. Then again, he was but a selfish creature after all. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to ever truly let you go.

*****

The next few days – which then turned into weeks – Joel spent wondering. Mostly about what to do with his predicaments.

He had a couple of them.

The first problem was the nights. They became more difficult since he noticed… details about himself that weren’t there before, and which bothered him more and more with each day.

Joel used to love the nightfall, especially since you all settled in Jackson. In those evening hours no one bothered him, he could finally relax, spend some time alone with you, and later collapse on the bed to get a good-night sleep.

Well, not anymore.

The bedtime unexpectedly became the most stressful one for him. He was so fucking mad at himself, because laying down and having a chance to hold you in his arms was something he treasured for the longest time, but now his own insecurities stood in a way of it.

You loved cuddling and being close to him in your sleep, and Joel was never bothered by it – hell, he initiated those moments more often than not. But now he started noticing more and more how this layer of fat on his stomach moved and looked like when you draped your arm around him or snuggled closer to his chest, and it became all he could think about.

It bothered Joel so much that he started wearing a t-shirt to bed, even though he hated it with all his passion. When you asked about it, he lied that he’s cold, but in reality he was always sweaty by morning. It didn’t seem to make any difference to you, though, and you didn’t shy away from pressing your body close to his, and even slipping your hands under his shirt when you were spooning him. Some days Joel was waking up with you lying on his chest or having your arm slung across his belly, and every time it caused a lump in his throat.

He knew you didn’t mean anything bad by it – for God’s sake, you probably didn’t even have any idea that he had a problem with himself – but what once was a wonderful start of the day, now became a bitter reminder of all those things he was insecure about.

Recently he built a habit of waking up before you – he did it often before, but he always stayed in bed and waited for you to open your eyes, too – and carefully disentangling himself from your embrace. It wasn’t like it didn’t feel wonderful to be enveloped by you in this way, but once he stirred awake, lying still was a herculean task. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was itching and buzzing, he was sweating from nerves and a lot of horrible, self-depriving thoughts were flooding his mind.

So once he woke up, he’d go take a shower, trying to be a little bit louder than necessary in hopes that you’d already be awake when he gets back – so that he wouldn’t feel so guilty about not laying back down next to you.

The second of his problems was that you began to watch him more closely.

He didn’t know when it started happening, but in hindsight he realized it was just a matter of time – he was acting weird, after all, and you knew him too well not to notice anything.

A couple of times in the last few days only, Joel caught you staring at him in silence. Your eyes were solemn and your forehead sad, though you were quick to smile and act like nothing was amiss as soon as he turned your way.

You must have known something was wrong, but Joel didn’t ask about it. Honestly, with all that was happening in his own head, he didn’t want to know.

But at the same time it was as if nothing odd was happening. You were your usual self, a blessing in Joel’s life, and you still sought to be close to him and spend as much time together as possible. You still told him you loved him, surprised him with unexpected gestures of affection…

Just like today – you hugged him from behind while he was dressing up, started kissing his shoulders so tenderly and murmuring sweet nothings into his skin… In those moments Joel could almost forget about everything that was nagging him. It was easy to believe that you still liked the way he looked, that he was deserving of you, when you treated him with nothing but overwhelming love.

But the itch in the back of his mind never really disappeared. Even though he wanted it to.

Those thoughts filled his mind while you were sitting on his lap, telling him some story from work in a soft voice. You two were at Tommy’s, waiting for him to get back from helping his wife with something, and the day was so beautiful that you all went out onto the patio in front of the house to enjoy the unusually warm weather for this time of the year.

Joel’s hand was on your thigh, stroking it absentmindedly, while he nodded to whatever you were saying, but for the life of him, he could not focus.

Has your physique changed as well? Joel didn’t care about those things, of course, and in his eyes you were as breathtaking as ever – maybe even more, since so many of your worries disappeared and he got to see your smile more often. And you still felt perfect under his hands when he was holding you at night, still looked like a goddess every time he got to admire your naked body.

But even though he wouldn’t have cared either way if you gained some weight or looked any different, his body still bothered him.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and Joel fixed his attention to the wind-blown tree crowns in the distance.

Maybe he should start exercising.

Joel never liked the idea of waking up early and running down the streets in a sweat-soaked t-shirt, or going to the gym where everyone seems to stare and judge you, but it was never necessary.

With how much traveling, heavy-lifting and working he had to do, he never concerned himself with the way he looked. Hell, these things are the last on your mind when you’re fighting for your life in this god-forsaken world. But here, in Jackson, it was different. Life was good, and you were happy. And as stupid as it sounded for him, Joel wanted to look good for you.

Maybe he should ask Maria to assign him to extra patrols. He already volunteered for the morning ones, but perhaps…

“You’re quiet.”

Joel didn’t realize you stopped telling your story. He pressed his lips together and his hand on your thigh stilled.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” you reassured him quickly. Then you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head gently. “I don’t mean ‘now’, though, I mean… lately, in general.” Your eyes were flickering across his face, like you were hoping to read the answer from his features. “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

No. Hell no. It was bad enough that Joel himself was aware of his issue, he didn’t want to make it even more noticeable by pointing it out to you.

Which reminded him – he moved his torso away from you only a few millimeters.

“No, babygirl,” he answered. He brushed some hair behind your ear, smiling softly even though inside he despised himself for lying to you. “Everythin’s fine.”

You didn’t seem convinced and still were studying his face with concern. Joel resumed petting your thigh, wanting to put you at ease. He could worry about himself, but he didn’t need to concern you with his problems, too.

“I promise,” he added. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

That look in your eyes didn’t disappear, but you hummed and dropped your hands. It didn’t take a genius to know you didn’t believe him.

“If you say so,” you answered at last, and then covered his hand on your leg with your own. “But remember you can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.”

Jesus, your kindness was only confirming his concerns if he was the right person for you. Joel shook his head with a crooked smile.

“You’re gettin’ sappy.”

“It’s because I’m worried,” you shot back without skipping a beat, swatting at his chest with the back of your hand. “And you’re not making it any easier.”

“There’s nothin’ for you to worry about,” he repeated, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. But he failed.

You pressed your lips together and then made a move to get up from his lap without a word. Joel held onto you delicately, not letting you stand up.

“Wait, darlin’,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “Didn’t mean to say it that way. I just… feel tired. Sorry.”

Your eyes softened when you took in the regret and weariness on his face. Joel felt your fingertips on his jaw, but before you could question him further, Tommy returned from the inside of the house with a grin.

“Age is a heavy burden, eh, ol’ dog?” he teased, apparently having heard the last bit of their conversation. The younger Miller placed three bottles of beer on the table, and winked at you. “That’s just how it is for us now. Enjoy your youth while you still can, punk.”

Joel felt a sharp jab in his ribs, not unlike being stabbed. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at his brother, less alone laugh at his teasing.

Of course Tommy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but his words were just a bitter reminder of the ever-present pit of Joel’s stomach.

The weight of you on his lap suddenly felt a lot lighter, and he himself felt so, so very heavy and tired.

Old.

Joel could feel your eyes boring into his face, but a second later you turned to Tommy, taking the burden of filling the uncomfortable silence.

“It’s already started for me. Sometimes I feel like my bones want to kill me prematurely.”

“M’sure Joel won’t let that happen. He’d fight your skeleton if you said it’s botherin’ you.”

You snorted and shook your head, but your smile faltered when you turned to Joel again. He almost broke down right then and there from the guilt and tightness in his chest.

And the dark feeling inside him just grew when your eyes stayed sad and concerned for the rest of the day.

*****

It had to end.

Joel could no longer pretend everything was alright like he wasn’t dying on the inside every time you did as much as hold his hand. He felt horrible about lying, avoiding spending time together and denying you affection he knew you so loved receiving.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted this affection, too. Undisturbed with self-doubts and guilt.

He fucking craved it.

Those last few weeks, his evenings were mostly spent away from you and the warmth of your shared home. The nights, on the other hand, when he would sneak in and quietly lay down next to you (but just a little further away), became full of intrusive thoughts and wallowing in self-loathing.

No matter what excuse he came up with, you were persistent in holding and being close to him during the night, and Joel discovered that the only way to prevent you from doing it was to come to bed after you’ve already fallen asleep.

But it was a damn torture.

The worst part was when he was coming home to the sight of you lying amongst the tangled sheets and blankets in his bed. No matter if you were drooling or a pillow has imprinted itself on your cheek, every time this sight made Joel weak in the knees. You looked like a gorgeous, priceless painting, and it pained him to disrupt your rest with his arrival.

He tried to volunteer for evening patrols, because then he’d have a real reason to come home late, but not only Maria didn’t want to pair him with anyone during those hours – she also suspended him from all patrols whatsoever. Joel was understandably furious, but the damn woman threatened to tell Tommy about it if he kept being ‘a stubborn pain in her ass’. She sent him back home, murmuring something about spending more time with you, which he tried to pretend he hadn’t heard.

Joel sighed, sitting up on the edge of the bed and hiding his face in his hand.

If Maria of all people could see that there were some problems in your and Joel’s relationship, then you had to notice, too.

Christ, he was the worst.

Joel didn’t want to push you away, of course not. He wanted to stay with you more than anything, but that desire did nothing to diminish the guilt suffocating him. For some time, he felt like the luckiest man alive, having the privilege to call you his and every day come home to you. But now with all those little things he started to notice, he felt like a fraud.

It wasn’t even about him not deserving you anymore – it was that you didn’t deserve this fucking treatment he was giving you these past few weeks.

Fuck, he had to tell you the truth. About the patrols, sneaking out, distancing himself, all of it. He couldn’t bear lying to you a day longer.

Joel stood up and pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and patted himself under his armpits and on the back, then reached for a clean one.

He’ll figure it out. He just needed some time to come up with a way to–

“Morning, handsome.”

Joel flinched and turned around quickly, not having realized you were awake, but whatever excuse he had in mind, it fell dead on his lips.

You stretched with a groan, reaching one arm high above your head and rubbing your eyes with the other hand. A sleepy smile danced on your lips when you looked back at him with sparkles in your slightly puffy eyes, and Joel didn’t have any other word to describe you than ‘ethereal’.

“What are you doing?” you asked groggily, relaxing against the pillow and looking him up and down.

“Uhmm…” he hesitated, clutching the t-shirt that was in need of washing close to his chest. His gaze was drawn to the window. “Goin’ out, actually. I’ve got some work…”

“No, you don’t,” you interrupted him and swung off the covers from his side of the bed. “Get back here.”

Joel looked at you with surprise.

“What?”

“You heard me, Miller. Get your ass back on the bed.”

He crumpled the shirt in his hands, hesitating, but his eyes softened as soon as he looked back at you and your raised eyebrows – like you were challenging him to just try and refuse you.

But how could he, when you looked so pretty lying in his bed and demanding to have him close to you? How could he ever deny you anything?

With a defeated sigh, Joel started putting the t-shirt back on, but the sound of you humming in protest stopped him. Your face was grumpy when he glanced up.

“Nah. No shirt.” You extended your hand in his direction, making a grabbing motion. “Come here.”

Joel didn’t move. “Why?”

You rolled your eyes and dramatically flopped down onto the pillows, looking up at him with an adorable pout.

“Because it’s been a long time since I got a chance to admire my handsome, sexy man,” you answered with sincerity, and then grinned. “Now come here. If you ditch your shirt, I’ll consider ditching mine.”

He still didn’t move. You were patient, but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to do anything, you sent him a small, sweet smile. “If you get cold again, I promise to do something about it, love.”

Joel physically felt his heart softening at your words and at the sight of you.

With a silent sigh – and only a split second of hesitation – he took off the t-shirt and quickly laid down on his back next to you. He felt a bile rise in his throat, though he had no idea why, and it became almost choking when you shifted closer to him, putting one hand on his chest.

“You’ve deprived me of this beautiful view for too long,” you whispered, kissing the place below his collarbone, and then going up to the base of his neck. “I missed seeing you like this.”

“There’s nothin’ to miss,” Joel muttered, not moving a single muscle. He had his hands entwined on his stomach and to look in your direction was the biggest effort anyone could demand from him now. “We sleep next to each other every night, sweetheart.”

“You know what I mean,” you breathed into his neck, leaving love bites wherever your lips strayed. “You’re going out so early these days. And you work late.”

“Patrols,” Joel grunted with gritted teeth, his muscles tense and breathing ragged as your warm palm caressed his waist. “Sorry.”

“You work too hard, love.” You sat up and swung one of your legs over his lap. Joel actually shivered when you took his hands in your own and placed them on your hips. “Let me help you relax.”

Oh, fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, Joel was sure he was going to drop dead at any second now.

“Darlin’…” he began, but you made a noise in your throat and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pressing your body to his. Joel loved when you initiated those moments between you two, and you looked so fucking hot sitting on top of him – but for the life of him, he could not relax.

“It hits me every once in a while how lucky I am to have you,” you whispered in such a sweet, adoring voice, like you didn’t hear him. You pressed your lips against his stubble again, igniting every inch of his skin with your touch. “Let me enjoy you. I love you so much, you know that?”

“I…”

I love you, too.

Lord, he loved you so much. Why was it so hard to return your affections, then? Why did he feel like the biggest crook by letting you love him?

Joel let out a shuddering sigh he didn’t know he was holding when you pressed your lips to the edge of his jaw, before capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, but heated at the same time and, without even thinking about it, he found himself wrapping his strong arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest. You smiled against his lips and murmured something he didn’t quite catch.

A groan escaped him when you bit his lower lip lightly, your soft palm going down, from his chest, to his stomach, down…

He couldn’t do it.

Joel abruptly rose to the sitting position and grabbed your wrist, his eyes sad and painful.

“I’m sorry, baby” he said with furrowed brows, gently setting you aside and off his lap, before standing up quickly. “I’m so sorry, babygirl, I love you, I promise, but I can’t… I don’t feel good today. I’m sorry.”

“Joel…” you started, but he shook his head, putting his t-shirt back on and turning away from you not to let you see the absolute wrecked expression on his face and wetness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he kept saying, feeling like he’s about to throw up from the nerves and the burning shame. He cursed himself internally, wanting to turn around, to take your face in his hands and kiss you deeply, but he… he... “I’m so…”

All strength left him in a blink of an eye and suddenly he slumped on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. Joel desperately tried to get a grip on himself, but his chest felt so tight, and all the worry, all the guilt and fear, and self-loathing came crashing down on him all at once.

“M’sorry, darlin’,” he whispered hoarsely, his lips trembling and that damn muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt the mattress dipping and your tentative touch on his face.

“No, no, baby, it’s alright,” you started saying quietly, trying to take his cheeks in your hands, but he didn’t let you. “Oh, Joel… Come here.”

You gently pulled him into your arms, guiding his head to rest in the crook of your neck. Joel hid his face in your skin, realizing with dread that his own shoulders were shaking.

For God’s sake, he needed to stop, he needed to put himself together and not show any weakness–

But it was you. It was your warm embrace and your loving hands brushing his hair, and your quiet whispers while you held him. It was your kindness and understanding, and stubbornness coming from love. You weren’t someone he had to hide from.

So he let you in. He let you hold him.

“Joel, please. Talk to me,” you spoke up after some time, and though your tone was soft, it somehow sounded too loud in the silence of the room. “I need to know what’s going on with you, you’re worrying me.”

“Nothin’ is goin’ on,” he answered out of habit, not even moving a muscle. “I just… fuck, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing and talk to me.” Joel pursed his lips, while you massaged his back gently. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna get through it together, okay? It’s gonna be okay, love, I promise.”

He planned on telling you. He wanted to tell you and get it off his chest, but… he wasn’t ready. Not now. Not when he broke down in front of you, for fuck’s sake.

But you deserved to know. If not to help him, then at least to make you aware of what you’ve gotten yourself into. It wasn’t fair to keep you in the dark and at arm’s length because of his absurd fears.

He wetted his lips and inhaled softly, but no words came out.

You gently lifted his head and Joel immediately squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no way he’d be able to say anything if he looked at you.

“You can tell me, baby,” you whispered sadly, touching the side of his face. “Anything. I promise everything will be alright.”

Joel was silent for a couple of moments, before he swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his pounding heart.

“I don’t have any extra work,” he started very quietly, so his voice wouldn’t break. “I was lyin’ to you, and I… I’m so sorry about that. I don’t get sent on any patrols now, actually…”

He shook his head and sighed heavily, faltering. He knew that wasn’t the problem, and although lying to you was one of the things he was guilty of, it wasn’t what started all of it. And you must’ve known it, too, because you kept looking at him, not saying anything.

“The thin’ is, I… God dammit,” he murmured, turning his head away from you and hiding his face in his hands, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t… I don’t– I have a problem with myself,” he finally blurted out, not even caring now if you understood his muffled words. “I keep…”

Fuck, man, just say it.

“I’m… I’m not as fit as I used to be,” he murmured, not moving an inch in fear that you’ll spot the wetness on his eyelashes. “I don’t want to do you harm, darlin’, keepin’ you from… Jesus, I don’t know. From livin’ your life, happily and to the fullest.”

“Joel…” You whispered with pain in your voice. “Is this what it is about?”

Joel shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath, still as quietly as he could.

“I’m old,” he said with tiredness he didn’t know he had in himself. “And you… You’re so pretty and young, I…” He lowered his forehead onto his hand, rubbing his temple. “I would like nothin’ more than to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’. But I’m afraid I’m not… not good for you. You could do so much better–”

“Hey. Hey, none of that.” You forced his hands away from his face by cradling it in your own palms. “There’s no one else I’d rather share my days with.”

Joel just shut his eyes tighter, trying to contain the tears that started to gather in them.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But in a couple of years I’ll be… God, I’ll be fuckin’ sixty, and you–”

“Do you really think I care about that?” you asked softly, brushing your thumbs under his eyes, but he shook his head, like you didn’t understand. “Joel, I love you more than anything in this world. And I know you love me.” He heard the faintest smile in your voice, and it made him feel so, so terrible with himself – that you were trying to make him feel better when you shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have been another one of your worries… “So where’s the problem? I want to be with you. Only you.”

Joel pressed his lips together and before he could stop himself, he draped his arms over his lap, like he was trying to hide the evidence of his insecurities from you, even though his torso was already covered by the t-shirt.

“You’re young and beautiful,” he repeated, still unable to find strength in himself to look you in the eye. “And I’m anythin’ but. I just don’t wanna…”

Joel didn’t know what else to say.

He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to spend another night apart from you. He didn’t want to push you away.

“Just don’t want you to be unhappy,” he finally murmured.

You let out something between a short chuckle and a stifled sob, and your fingers found Joel’s, still wrapped around his stomach.

“Do I look unhappy to you?” you asked, almost in disbelief. Joel finally willed himself to glance at you, if only to see for himself – which turned out to be a mistake. Your eyes were sad and teary, but not full of hurt or distaste like he feared, and you still had this faint smile on your face. He quickly turned his head away and you must’ve realized how you looked because your hold on his fingers tightened slightly. “Not right now. In general, did I ever do something to make you think I’m not happy with you?”

“No,” he answered quietly, not even having to think about it. “But it doesn’t…”

“I told you before, how can I even look at anyone else when I have you?” you spoke up when he faltered. “You’re beautiful to me, Joel, even if you don’t believe me right now. You’re amazing and kind, you’re fucking hot, and yeah, maybe you’re stubborn at times, but I love you so much, and every day I find another reason to fall for you all over again.”

Joel met your eyes again, looking for any hesitation or deceit – but he didn’t find any. As always, you were sincere in everything you said.

He realized, with another wave of tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, how much he missed your affection that he alone deprived himself from. How much he longed for this intimacy that once came so easily to him.

“M’sorry,” he muttered at last, lifting his hand to your face and trying to ignore those damn tears spilling from behind his eyelids. “Never doubted you, babygirl, but I just didn’t know how… how to tell you.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you nuzzled your cheek into his palm, planting a kiss on the inside of his hand. “It’s alright, c’mon here.”

Not letting go of his hand, you tugged him gently and leaned back on the pillows. With great effort he refrained from fighting you, and instead let you pull him down, laying his head on your chest.

And in an instant, everything was alright again. The moment Joel heard your heartbeat under his ear and felt your gentle hands on the nape of his neck and his back… it was like coming home. This feeling of warmth spreading across his limbs made him feel safe for the first time in weeks.

It was so long since he fully let you hold him.

Maybe that’s what he’s been missing.

“I adore you, Joel Miller,” you whispered into the top of his head, holding him close to your heart. “All of you, and just the way you are.”

Joel couldn’t help it – a small smile crept onto his lips.

“Called it,” he murmured. “You’re gettin’ sappy.”

You snorted and kissed his hairline. “I think you need it, handsome.”

“Maybe I do,” he conceded, not moving his head from your chest, and sighed tiredly. “Dammit, missed holdin’ you like this, babygirl. M’so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you countered, but he continued.

“I just didn’t know how to talk about it… How to tell you that I feel bad. About… the way I look.”

Joel felt your hands on his cheeks, and although he really didn’t want to move from the position he was in, he let you lift his head.

“I love the way you look,” you said quietly, in a tone that made Joel’s old heart flutter. “And our bodies change, there’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, I’m really happy that both of us can enjoy this kind of life.” You leaned in and nudged Joel’s nose with yours, closing your eyes. “Every change of our bodies is a sign that we’re finally safe after all we’ve been through.

“But you look gorgeous as ever, sweet girl.”

“M’glad to hear it, Mr Miller,” you teased, but then your smile turned wistful. “But you know, I was insecure about my looks, too, not sure if you noticed. My stomach and thighs, and,” you rolled your eyes, “well, my butt.”

Normally Joel would throw a playful remark, or try to make you giggle, but this time he stayed silent. He just listened to your soft voice, drinking in your features.

“It worried me for some time. But you still put your hand on my leg when I was sitting with you, and you never shied away from telling and showing me,” you stressed this word, a teasing note in your tone, “how much you like my body.”

“‘Course I do,” he murmured quietly, lifting himself on his elbows and leaning over you despite your huffs and efforts to keep him in place.

“So I thought that maybe you didn’t care about this extra weight, or even didn’t–”

The rest of your words were swallowed by Joel’s lips when he kissed you deeply and hungrily. So many strong emotions were swirling inside his chest, he didn’t know anymore what to do with himself. At first you tried to continue your train of thought, but soon gave up, erupting into giggles when Joel latched his lips onto your neck and wrapped his arms around you in an attempt to bring you in even closer.

“I didn’t care,” he was whispering into your skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. “I don’t.”

“Then you see– Joel, stop it!” You squealed when he carried on with his assault, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.

“M’so lucky to have you,” he whispered while peppering your face in soft kisses. “Thank you, babygirl.”

You finally managed to free your arms, and you cupped his face in your hands with a huge grin that Joel decided he wanted to see every day. Another adorable giggle escaped you when he snuggled his scratchy cheek into your palm.

“I know it will take time,” you said gently, but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. “But no matter how long it’ll take, I will make you understand how incredibly attracted I am to you.” Joel hung his head low to hide a bashful snigger, and your smile grew. “Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah. Understood, ma’am.”

“Good.” You pulled him closer to plant a slow kiss on his lips, and asked seductively: “I can start right now, if you’d want to. I don’t want my handsome man to feel insecure about any part of him.”

God, he loved you so much.

Joel hid his face in the crook of your neck again, his heart squeezing with adoration and disbelief at how it came that he’d been blessed with someone like you.

“Y’know what, sweetheart? I think it’d do me good.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #joel tlou #i will actually be taking a break because i have uni stuff to do which i REALLY neglected on behalf of this fic #i really got carried away with this one and the final scene took me so long to write omg #i really tried to approach this topic with respect and understanding and i very much hope it's alright #soft joel miller #joel miller fluff #the last of us fic

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kandidandi · 1 year

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gone so far might as well make the character sheet

#kandidandi drew a thing #moondrop #y/n #ysf #this is the few months after #moon is WRECKED #tried using bleach to scrub off the blood and messed up his clothes and exoskeleton :(#i actually dont know what y/n's half face would look like without the bandages and im too scared to look up references so #its ok the bandages make them recognisable i think #moon plush so cute aaagg #bro didnt dilute the bleach what a moron muhaha #its ok he was panicking its ok tis not his fault he forgot

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serevena · 2 months

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Leaving Tonight.

Pairing - Ellie Williams x Fem!reader

a.n - hey everyone :))..I’ve really been trying to write what makes me comfortable enough to put on my blog, as well as trying not to worry if it’ll get thousands of notes. I’m just all about the vibes of my fics now..this doesn’t mean I’ll stop writing smut however, it’ll just be less frequent or have a buildup beforehand. So if you like that, don’t worry..this has been sitting in my drafts since last year and technically isn't finished but i also feel like ending it on the note it does is..evil, so it's perfect. Enjoy. <3

Warnings - Provocative language, Ellie self sabotages, potential tlou II spoilers, mentions (?) of a canon character death, mentions (?) of grief, depression, the whole nine yards, copy and pasted from the game, no comfort because I’m a monster!

It’s like a bunch of broken picture frames but,

The smell of pumpkin spice filled the air of you and Ellie’s shared home. You both had the perfect life. Running away from your small town to live together. As one..

In another reality.

But this one, no..that was nearly impossible considering the circumstances.

The photo still remains the same.

Considering Ellie had watched someone so close to her take their last breath. At the hands of a woman she still didn’t know. At the hands of a woman she was infatuated with in every worst way possible.

And you were just standing in the way.

You tried to pretend like everything was okay. To take Ellie’s mind off of the horrors she’d been exposed to. But it was just..impossible. You knew she couldn’t forget something like that. Let alone be a happy girl. And she would never put that front on just to comfort you.

Even if she loves you.

It’s haunting me, making it harder to breathe..

The air was off. your girlfriend..was off. you could feel it the second you woke up from your nap. but how? why? why could you sense it? why was that feeling here?

you shook from the cold as the light illuminating from the only light in you and Ellie's shared room wavered, flickered from the open window. little drops of your tears of oxalate, the rain, soaking the chipped paint of your window sill. The door was open, and you called out to Ellie, wondering what she could be doing up at this hour.

I’m leavin’ tonight..

“Ellie..” you stood feet away from her, hearing rustling from her bag. The same bag she carried all of your shared memories to this house with. The same bag she’d leave this house with.

And you knew..god, you knew. You felt like you were treading on ice, making sure not to fuck up your words or else she’d been gone just like that.

Your body was warm..coldness and heat fighting within your skin. You were scared. But, frustrated.

“I have to finish it.”

She has to finish it. She has to avenge Joel no matter what.

No matter what.

I swear to God the voices wouldn't shut up.

#castasplla #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie tlou2 #ellie x y/n #can anyone tell I tried to incorporate 2021 tlou tumblr into this #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us 2 #ellie williams x fem!reader #ellie #ellie miller #ellie x fem reader #tlou ellie #ellie x you

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skelecentral · 5 months

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I attempted the evil art style challenge and it was very hard 😭😭

#evil art style challenge #myart #doodles #sansnomaly #sans x y/n #killer #killer sans #the saturated colors. drove me mad #I’m not even sure it looks good - I really need to work with high saturation more often argygbhjhf #anyways what I changed: thinner lineart - sharper angles - killer as a tall thin anime boy - more saturated colors #I also tried to use cooler colors but I didn’t stick with it all that much in the end ashgmg #anyways my internets down rn (I’m on a data hotspot now) because of the ice storm in my area #so I’m really bored #which is what sparked this 😭😭#have a good night y’all

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angelsberrymilk · 5 months

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GUYS I NEED HELP PLS

Does anybody know any fanfics where Castiel learns abt human culture? sarcasm? unwritten rules and expectations and dumb random rules?? I need him exploring humans so bad. idc what ship it is. as long as he's learning new stuff and being silly.

probably fluff and some crack. but he makes me laugh regardless so anything with him exploring the human world will do PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

give me any usernames, any links either on tumblr or ao3 I don't mind at all.

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rambunctioustoons · 10 months

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knock for the password.

#daycare attendant moon #daycare attendant fnaf #moon fnaf #moon x oc #moon x y/n #moondrop x oc #moondrop x y/n #masc y/n #rhys #my art #give me more jesters bring Silly Goofy #makes him guess the password to get back in. tries to use keys. already took those from him - ajfjakfjkc #very quick doodle to get it out of my brain #silly scenes live rent free and i just gotta draw em #anyway Moon totally makes up games with unfair/dumb rules that YOU have to guess along the way adhjajc

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faevi · 8 months

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LIFEGUARD!LEVI - PART TWO (smut)

Scenario: It’s the night of the bonfire and you’re ready to let loose with Levi; the lifeguard you’ve been crushing on.

AKA - Smut.

Other Parts: PART ONE HERE.

Word Count: 10,014.

Content / Trigger Warnings: Please let me know if I missed anything!

Sex (obviously), unprotected sex, creampie, cunnilingus/eating out, blowjob, handjob, public sex, outside sex, sex on a beach, doggy style, cowgirl, cursing, brief mentions of alcohol, pet-names, slight dominant implications, praise, messy? saliva, cum, etc. I think that’s it! (:

Notes: I barely edited it and so if you find mistakes, please just ignore. It’s been so long since I’ve done writing so it’s a bit rusty but I just want to get back into writing. Please read and hopefully enjoy. I'm a little nervous LMAO. T T

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS, PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT !!

"If it's a bonfire we're going to. We have to dress like, ultra slutty."

You swear your eyes could have gotten stuck by how hard you rolled them from your best friend's words; lips curling up to form an amused smile. You're sitting in front of the dresser, hands blindly scanning across your make-up products. ”You should totally dress ultra slutty, Eren will love it.” You point out, voice laced with playfulness and you quickly glance towards your best friend to see her reaction. Bingo. Completely flustered. You heard all about your best friend and Eren’s obvious flirting from Levi when he helped you sign out from the hospital. Apparently it was an absolute cringe-fest in Levi’s perspective. Personally, you sure it would have been cute to see Eren pitifully attempt to comfort your best friend, only to lead on commenting how hot she is AND that the ocean would totally not punish such a hottie or her best friend. The comforting worked, at least. You could see it in the way your best friend sheepishly giggles and drops down onto your bed, fingers twirling her hair.

It’s currently afternoon on the Saturday. Only a few days ago were you in hospital. Only a few days ago were you saved from… basically an actual death experience. You died. Briefly. Thankfully, Levi saved you. Breathed life back into you and was there every step of the way to the hospital. Even though you insisted you were completely fine. It was rather endearing that the older male refused to let things go easily. Not to mention, you had your first kiss with him in the back of the ambulance. May not be romantic in most people’s eyes but to you, any kiss with the lifeguard would be a romantic one. He invited you to a bonfire that very same day and now, it is that day. Bonfire time. Your heart thumps wildly in the your chest, inspecting yourself in the mirror.

You’re not against slutty. Slutty is fun. Adventurous. You always feel good when you style yourself up that way. You know it’d work like a charm on Levi but, for tonight… You think that you want to go down two routes. Who says you only have to stick to one style? You bite back a small smile before standing up to walk to your set of drawers, tugging the bottom one open. Your best friend watches with eagerness, crossing her legs. “Ultra slutty?” She asks.

“Not just ultra slutty. I think I’ll leave that for him to just see… Hopefully.” If things go right tonight. Many would probably find you shameless for thinking such ways for only knowing him for just over a week but, hey! One night stands exist and you just feel it in your core. You feel your attraction for the lifeguard deepening so, yeah, maybe seduction is one of the plans tonight. Asides from spending quality time with the male, adventuring further to see if what you have with him is clearly only physical or could it potentially be more?

You pull out the two piece bikini in a fiery red, dangling it playfully from the tips of your fingers for your best friend to see. You definitely expected the excited clap from her and the ramblings of how Levi or any man you’d want wouldn’t be able to resist you and you giggle, cheeks hurting from smiling so wide. You could only hope. To hide the bikini, you pick a sundress from your wardrobe that is white and pink petals looking like it’s floating across the fabric. Perfect. Pretty enough to hide the danger beneath.

Not wanting to waste anymore time and desperate to be there at the bonfire location, you swiftly move towards the bathroom, pointing playfully towards your best friend. “You get ready, too. Don’t make us late.” You warn before closing the door and turning the shower on. You place your planned outfit on the counter before breathing in deeply, trying to settle your nerves.

“Right, let’s do this.”

------

He kept insisting on picking you up. You declined every time. Maybe silly in another person’s eyes but, you wanted his raw reaction to your appearance when you arrived in front of everyone. Sure, it may be a simple sundress for the public eye but, your playful side easily slipped out when you were preparing and so, a bit of a cleavage and dress length at the knees sounds like it’d be more than enough to keep his eyes on you, wondering what could be underneath.

You bite back a giddy smile, listening to your best friend ramble on as you hold onto her hand in the backseat of the uber for moral support. If you didn’t, you felt like you’d melt into some sort of disgusting pile of goo on the uber’s seat and have to pay for cleaning. It’s a miracle that your heart isn’t out of your chest yet.

“I swear, Y/N. Eren better look at me after all this effort I put into this.” Your best friend says with a frustrated huff. You raise an eyebrow as you look towards her. She’s in a pair of tight booty shorts, the strings of her bikini exposed as they’re wrapped around her waist, nothing covering the matching bikini top. You snort softly, squeezing her hand.

“He’s going to be frothing at the mouth, truuuuust me.” You reassure her and look out of the window. The sun is setting, sky full of soft pinks and oranges. Not a cloud in sight. The uber continues to drive down the spiralling road towards the secluded location of the bonfire. It’s part of the beach still but an area that’s closed off to the public. Not everyone, you assume. Apparently the captain in charge.. Erwin, was it? He’s part of the family that owns this part of the beach. Whoever it is— You feel both relieved and spoiled.

The driver slowly comes to a halt in front of a pair of gates, rubbing the back of his neck. “I can’t go any further. Is this okay?” He asks as he looks over his shoulder. Both you and your best friend are already hastily unbuckling yourselves to open the door. “This is perfect, thank you!” You smile warmly and swiped on your phone to add an extra tip. You share pleasantries with the driver before you hear your best friend starting to whine after already expressing her gratitude. ‘So impatient’, you think fondly as you close the door and look towards the gate.

With your arm linked with the other girl, you inspect the fence and just as you were about to press the button for the buzzer, the gates swing open to allow entry. “Come on in, Levi’s gir—“ The stranger’s voice from the intercom is suddenly cut off with a sound of a strangled laugh and you blush. Gir.. girl? Girlfriend? Just girl? Whatever it is; you couldn’t help but grin, heart swelling up with fondness and pull your best friend in with you. It’s rather cute to think that maybe Levi has shown excitement for your approach. The feeling is mutual and so it’s only fair for you feel elated. Your free hand has your dress bunched up as you walk along the sandy path, winding through tall trees, enjoying the sounds of the waves in the distance and the birds twittering away in the tall trees. Each step making your heart ache with anticipation. Why does it feel like eternity since you’ve seen Levi? Are you really crushing that hard on the lifeguard?

Eventually, the trail that has been going up a slope, finally leads down towards the private opening of the beach. You already see the small group of people and the bonfire starting to blaze. Your eyes were scanning, looking for the black-haired male. “Come on, Y/N! Stop daydreaming and get your man.” You hear your best friend playfully hiss against your ear before letting go to run down the sandy hill, arms up to greet the others. Firstly, you could see Eren snapping his head towards your best friend and choking on the beer in his mouth, spluttering. A hand comes up to cover your mouth, hiding the amusement. At least your best friend succeeded.

That’s when you see him. Just a bit behind Eren spluttering about. Levi is smacking a man’s hand away from his shirt that’s unbuttoned to reveal his smooth and toned chest. Even from here as you walk down the hill, you can see his eyebrows pulled together to form a scowl as the other man’s hand— A tall blonde; continues to try and unbutton Levi’s shirt further. He nearly managed to unbutton the one hiding his abs if it wasn’t for Levi’s swift hand smacking the taller male.

“Being a Captain doesn’t mean you can strip me down, Erwin. Stop that—.” Levi warns, face expressing slight annoyance towards his Captain. Though, you have a feeling his respect for the tall blonde is sky-rocketing.

“Aw. Come on. Do it for Y/N. Bet it will turn her— Oh.” Erwin pauses, taking a sip from his ice cold beer as he looks directly at you, smiling. Levi’s gaze follows until his cold gaze meets yours. Instantly, his eyes fill up with a familiar warmth, widening a little and even before you, he couldn’t resist looking you up and down. The tightness of the chest of the sundress, flowing into loose fabric that barely covers your soft thighs, looking so squishable. His fingers twitches. You bite back a knowing smile. Sundress was the perfect answer, it seems. Simple yet, impactful.

“Should I finish my sentence?” Erwin breaks the silence with a deep laugh, hand threatening to unbutton Levi’s shirt once more. “Go annoy someone else.” Levi mutters, completely distracted but still aware enough to smack Erwin’s hand for the final time as he steps closer to you. Erwin smirks behind Levi’s shoulder before deciding to finally leave you two be.

“You arrived safely— That’s great. Great, right. You look great.” Levi says a little too bluntly, his nerves clearly giving him away. You smile, eyebrow raising and you just couldn’t help but tease the black-haired male further.

“Just great?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“You don’t sound so convincing. To think I specifically chose this for…”

Levi has a hopeful glint in his eye when he eagerly waits to hear his name fall from your pretty lips. Still, he’s not going to let your teasing get the better of him. “You look beautiful.” Levi says softly, voice laced with genuine warmth, coaxing butterflies to start fluttering in your stomach, gut clenching. “Thanks. ‘Cause I did choose this for you.” You say softly, leaning in. Your fingers help smooth out the collar of his buttoned up shirt, deliberately grazing against his skin. “Keep some of this just for me later, won’t you? I don’t want everyone to see.” You tease softly through a whisper against his ear, hearing his breath hitch with anticipation.

Levi’s hand automatically lands on your hip and both of you could agree in silence that it just felt right for him to hold you there. A soft chuckle escapes and he decides to play along, ignoring that fact that his daily job literally means often shirtless. “All for you, princess. The same goes for you, huh? If I see any part of this dress becoming undone in front of their eyes, I won’t be too pleased. You’re mine for the night. Aren’t you?” Levi asks breathlessly, steady gaze focusing on you. Rosiness dusts across your cheeks, feeling more warmth than just the sun. Even your heart picks up the pace in heartbeats. Two minutes in and he’s already showing his possessive side. Just the way you like it. It’s endearing, really. As if you’re attending not just for him? Silly.

“I’m leaving for what’s underneath as a surprise.” You hum sweetly, snaking your arms briefly around his neck to pull him in until both of your bodies collide. He’s not much taller than you; bodies able to press perfectly against one another. Even with fabric pitifully trying to block the way, you could feel the warmth radiating off of his body, his muscles tensing from the contact of your soft curves. Levi’s gaze clouds over as he stares at you with pure desire; wanting you in completely.

Not yet. You pull away with reluctance, hand touching his bare chest lightly for a moment. “Later, just you and me. What we both wanted since day one.” Levi says soft enough against your ear and your teeth bite down on your lower lip. It’s always nice to feel reassured that it’s all mutual. The lifeguard you’ve been craving wants you just as bad, if not, worse. Levi desperately needs you and he is no fool to his yearning. Your eyes once more look over him and his fingers twitch with the urge to hold onto your waist. To pull you in close and basically say ‘Back off, she’s mine.’ to his fellow co-workers. He couldn’t, though. Possessiveness in front of others so soon doesn’t seem appropriate. Still, you smile when his hand rests on your lower back and he guides you closer to everyone else. You notice your best friend already giggling at Eren’s words.

“Let’s entertain them for a bit before we sneak off, shall we?”

You smile at his words and nod.

------

You find yourself thankful for the bonfire blazing away near you, arms crossing against your chest and hands caressing along your bare arms. The night sky above is glittering with stars but, it still wasn’t enough. Nothing could resist either of you from looking at each other. Levi’s gaze flickers towards yours, his long fingers now dancing gently against the side of your waist. Everyone was too drunk to notice just how close he is to you. It feels comforting to know that you both shared the idea of not becoming intoxicated.. Why? Sometimes being drunk can heightened ‘certain’ experiences but, it’s just not one of those times. It’s as if both of you want to be clear headed. To remember every single detail—

“Can we just get out of here already?”

You bite down on your lower lip to prevent yourself from grinning too much as he whispers against your ear. The hot breath fanning against it leaving you to squirm. “Took you long enough.” You huff, hands latching onto his to give an eager pull, head tilting upwards slightly to look into his clouded gaze. “Lead the way, Mister Lifeguard.” You tease through a purr and he rolls his eyes before he does pull you along, not needing to use much of his strength to do so. Levi makes sure to pluck a towel from the sand as you both finally depart the others.

No one seemed to bother or care to look in your direction as you part from the bonfire. The summer air still warm enough to keep you from shivering properly but.. You fake it. Just a little bit. Free arm to rub along your bare arm as you feign interest in your surroundings. The sandy hills and gentle waves. Levi noticed instantly and without questioning; cause hey, girls feel cold easily — He wraps his arm around your shoulders to gently pull you in, lips grazing against your temple. He couldn’t get over how beautiful you look. Especially under the moonlight. Absolutely irresistible and the older male personally, couldn’t wait to strip you out of your pretty little sundress.

You find yourself leaning into Levi for support as you walk across the sand, feeling your feet sink into it. You have no clue as to where exactly you could go on a beach for some ‘fun’. All you really know is that you’d do it right here if he expressed desire to. Except, he seems to be a man on a mission. “Nearly there, Y/N.” Levi reassures, thumb caressing against your bare shoulder and nudging against the strap of your dress. You could sense his own desperate needs deepening. It’s cute to know that you’re not the only one who is getting impatient. “You know, I’d be happy with right here.” You decide to say, glancing over your shoulder. The bonfire is far enough to look like a tiny dot against the sand. The older male pauses— following your gaze to where they basically abandoned their friends. His long fingers drag through his black hair, teeth clenching together. “You’re tempting me, Y/N. I was planning to take you—”

You cut him off. “Take me there on a future date. Keep it a surprise. Just..” You trail off as you step in close until the front of your body presses against his, hands gently trailing down the length of his arms before so boldly lacing your fingers with his. Your fingers are short compared to his but, fit so perfectly between the gaps of his. Levi could see your gaze clouding further with need and something stirs in his stomach. Fuck. It’s a miracle that he even lasted this long. If he really could have had it his way; he would have been buried deep in your cunt on day one.

“Fucking hell, Y/N.” Levi groans out in the mixture of frustration and affection towards you, one hand letting go of your own as he firmly cups the side of your neck. His lips press against yours hungrily to form a passionate kiss; one that already leaves you breathless and head spinning. You lean up on your toes, ignoring how you sink further into the sand as your soft lips move eagerly against his own pair, easily falling into the rhythm that he provides. His head tilts to deepen the kiss as he pulls you as closely as he could against his body. It baffles you that some commented on him as ‘tiny’ just because he’s shorter than the other men and few ladies on the lifeguard team. Even now, it feels like he towers over you in simply power, leaving you weak at the knees. He loves it. Being able to lean over you as his tongue swipes along your lower lip for permission. Playfully, you refuse it. Keeping your lips pressed together for just that moment. “Sweetheart.” He warns through a low grunt, his hand that hold yours, giving a squeeze before his other hand against your neck travels down to your waist.

You feel saliva smearing against your chin as his tongue drags teasing and slow against your soft skin. The dark-haired male murmurs on how sweet you already taste, mind spinning with the idea of how you’d only taste sweeter between your legs. That’s what motivates him to pry your lips open with his skillful tongue until you’re whining at the invasion. His tongue glides against every inch of your mouth, before rubbing against your tongue. It’s messy. Filthy, even. When you feel the slick saliva dribbling out from you not being able to control anything. He’s the one in control and fuck, do you love it. Your first kiss in the ambulance was nothing like this. It was sweet and to be frank, you didn’t think he’d ever kiss you like this. Silly you, for thinking he’d always be proper and not being able to let go.

Levi is ready to let go of it all completely. His cock is throbbing painfully, eager to be released from it’s constraints. He refuses for now because to him; this is all about you. His pleasure is just a huge bonus. You could feel it despite the layers of clothing. It’s pulsating against thigh, pressing into you. Your hand that he let go of clearly needs to be busy. You try to be sneaky with your movements— simply resting your hand against his own waist, moaning into the kiss. You inch closer and closer. Levi’s hand is swift to slap yours, causing you to gasp at the stinging pain. The pain subsides as he squeezes his hand around yours, pulling away from your lips. Both of you are standing far too close, bodies pressing together. You’re panting, lips coating in the mixture of his and your spit, glistening in the moonlight. He almost goes cross-eyed from just admiring how fucked out you already seem to be just from a kiss.

“As much as I’d love to feel your hand on my cock, I’m the one in control right now. Understood, pretty girl?” Levi whispers against the crook of your jaw, nails digging into the flesh of your hand and you couldn’t help but whimper. Your heart races with excitement from witnessing this dominant side of the lifeguard. It only leaves you squirming, thighs pressing together as a pitiful attempt to contain yourself. “Yes, Captain.” You say lightheartedly, free hand coming up to do a small salute with two of your fingers. Levi bites back a smile from witnessing the endearing act, leaning in to press chaste kiss along your jawline, his hand letting go of yours to slide behind your body, fingers now splaying out across your ass cheek. He bunches the fabric of your sundress as he squeezes the tender flesh of your ass. Your hands grip hopelessly onto his shoulders, needing to hold onto something so you wouldn’t fall from your knees becoming so weak. Discovering only now, that you’re ultra sensitive to the man’s touch.

His tongue dances across your warm flesh as his lips travel down to your neck. “Mark me—” You gasp out as both of his hands now continue to grope your ass cheeks relentlessly, only wishing you were out of the stupid dress now so you could feel the warmth of his palms and nails scraping against your flesh. Levi only hums in response, finding your responses to his touch to be adorable. He definitely likes this needy side of you. His teeth grazes against your neck before he kisses on the warm skin, directly in the middle of your neck. He sucks harshly on your skin, tongue gliding across to feel you squirm in his strong hold. He pulls away with a soft sigh, bringing a hand up to smear the saliva further across your neck, inspecting the dark bruising that has now formed from his eager lips. Perfect. Everyone will see it and that’s what he wants. “You’re all mine, you know? No one will lay a hand on you without receiving broken bones in return.” Levi murmurs, prompting you to exhale out sharply. Possessiveness. Another mega turn on.

“Levi, I swear if you continue to tease me.” You whine, leaning forward to press your own needy kisses against his exposed collarbone, nipping playfully at his pale flesh, watching with eagerness as blood rushes to the surface and leaves a lovely red hue across his skin. His hands that were continuing to tenderly grope your behind pulls away, grabbing the towel that was hanging over his shoulder and drags it off. “You’re impatient. I like to take my time, y’know.” Levi comments with an amused chuckle, watching as your feet shift anxiously in the soft sand. He deliberately goes slow with his movements so you continue to be restless; draping the towel over the sand. It’s definitely not big enough for the two of you. Levi is used to the sand from his profession so he doesn’t give a flying fuck. Neither did you, but… you appreciate the gesture and say nothing. “You’re such a gentleman. From giving me CPR, visiting the hospital and now laying a towel down for me? Phew, lucky girl.” You express with a giggle escaping.

Levi rolls his eyes, gently taking hold of your hand to guide you to step onto the towel. “Am I sensing some bratty moments in our future, Y/N? I’ll put you in your place.” He says, voice dropping lower and his piercing gaze never leaving yours. Oh. You blush profusely, fingers bunching up your dress. You just know the damp patch on your bikini bottoms are going to be completely obvious now. “You are lucky, though. I wouldn’t do this for anyone else. Well, minus the giving CPR. That comes with the job.” The lifeguard remarks, his hands coming up to delicately pull on the tied straps of your sundress, eyes revealing deep hunger as you move to pull the loose fabric down before him. The dress pools around your bare feet, finally revealing the dangerous red bikini. You feel somewhat vulnerable as you stand on display for the lifeguard. He’s quiet as he stares intently.

His cock is starting to hurt, throbbing further as he takes in the glorious sight of your gorgeous figure before him. Levi’s gaze scans across you, taking in the way the tiny strings seem to sit perfectly on your hips. The thin fabric barely able to cover your breasts as they spill out from the sides. You’re dangerous and red, is now his favourite colour. His fingers twitch and it takes everything within him to stop himself from just tugging your bikini bottoms aside and rail you hard. Fuck, his mind is a swirling mess of filthy thoughts. From how you must taste to how tight you’ll be when you squeeze around every inch of his raging cock. Fingers drag through his hair as he shakes his head, lips curling to form a smile of disbelief.

“Y/N, you’re messing with me.” He groans, stepping forward to tenderly cup your cheeks as he presses another fierce kiss to your swollen lips. Usually, he’d love to take his time. Kiss you breathless. Over and over but, you standing before him in nothing but a sinful looking bikini? Fuck his patience. You try to lean into the kiss but, Levi pulls away. His strong arms easily scoop you up and before you could even process it; you find yourself now laying down on the beach towel, blinking innocently as you look up at him, panting softly. He’s kneeling above you, one hand traveling along your side as he quietly admires how beautiful you look on display beneath him. It’s a sight that he thinks he’ll never get used to but, a sight he’ll desperately crave to witness daily to worship for eternity. The tips of his fingers glide along your stomach and he smiles from seeing you squirm from the ticklish touch.

“Noted.” He says and you huff, moving your left knee to nudge against him. “You hush.” You retaliate, lips still forming that pout that he’s a sucker for. Levi’s fingers now brush against your covered womanhood, thankful for the full moon as he’s able to see the damp patch so clearly despite the pair of them being surrounded by darkness. “Baby girl, you’re an eager little thing, aren’t you?” Levi teases, fingers gently pressing further until you feel the fabric press against your sensitive clit, causing your toes to curl and teeth digging into your lower lip as another pitiful attempt to prevent yourself from giving away too much. That even this touch alone is enough to let you unravel. The corners of his lips curl up to form a smirk and he pulls his hand away. The hand unbuttons the rest of his shirt undone until his chiseled abs are now on display for you. Saliva already begins to drip from your parted lips as your gaze focuses on his toned body. The way his bicep muscles tense with his movements of shrugging his shirt off.

He tosses it to the side, arms trapping you between as he grips onto the towel on either side of your head, wanting a moment to admire you once more. “You have no idea how fucking hard I am just from looking at you.” He says, speaking softly as he leans down to kiss just beneath your chin. You bite down on your lip, eyes glancing up to the stars as you feel his lips leave a trail of kisses down towards your chest. The tip of his tongue teasingly dips between your pressed together breasts, hands coming up to squish them together. You glance down as you watch the lifeguard bury his face into your covered breasts, your own hand coming up to cover your mouth, muffling the soft sounds that escape. Levi breathes in deeply, inhaling the subtle sweet scent of whatever perfume you’re wearing. God, he could never decide if he’s a boob or ass man. He selfishly wants both. Blindly, he reaches around to untie the bikini. You oblige by arching upwards.

“Good girl.” He praises with ease as he tugs away the skimpy bikini top and lifts his head to watch as your breasts spill out and be free from the clothing that barely contained them. He sighs heavily, head hanging forward. This is unfair. How could someone be so perfect in every way? Half of your face hides behind your hand as you shyly glance towards him. “What is it? They’re not.. bad, are they?” You ask timidly, wondering where your confidence is. Levi shakes his head quickly, large hands now cupping your breasts to give a loving squeeze. “Beyond good, darling. Are you getting shy on me now? Cute.” He comments as his index fingers gently flick against your hardened buds, noticing the way you whimper from the contact. The mere thought of you responding so sweetly to a moment of pain is enough to fuel the sadist in him but, it’s not time for that.

He lowers himself over you, one hand still massaging your soft breast. The warmth of his breath fans over the one receiving no attention before his lips wrap around the sensitive nipple to suck on sweetly, lips parting further to take more of you into his mouth, groans muffled. You pant heavily, one hand coming up to thread your fingers through his silky hair to give a sweet pull. It only encourages him. Levi shifts, his right leg pressing against yours, guiding it to move up with his so your legs were spread out further and his covered crotch is pressing against yours. You could feel it. His contained length throbbing against your soaking core. Everything he does, leaves your heart racing and lips forever to parted to let out the needy sounds. The way his leg pushed yours upwards so he could press down against you. The way you could feel his tongue swirl around your nipple as he sucks on your tit with eagerness, drool seeping out as he frankly did not care about leaving a mess.

The towel bunches up slowly beneath you as you continue to squirm against it, unable to do anything but take what he happily gives you. The pleasure leaving you hot and flushed. Your toes curl into the sand and nails grazing along his scalp. The reactions only encourage him, pinching your other nipple to tease, twisting and pulling just hard enough for you to feel the sweet pain that leaves you whining out for him. “Levi..” You whine out loudly, face turning to rub against the towel, feeling completely blissed out just from the attention to your breasts. The lifeguard only hums in response, deciding to switch his mouth to the other nipple to suck on, tongue flicking against it. His hand moves to squeeze the other breast, smearing his saliva against the squishy flesh. His back stays curved just so he could give your breasts attention as he slowly grinds against you, finally needing just a tiny bit of relief for his hard aching cock. The friction coaxes out a low moan of your name, teeth grazing against your nipple before he pulls away with a heavy pant.

“Levi, please— Let me.. Wan’ touch you.” You plead quietly and if it was any other day, Levi would have happily gave in to feel either your hand or wet mouth around his cock. He promised to himself tonight that this was all about you, though. “You’re going to lay there and take what I give you. Like the good girl I know you are.” He gently reminds, hand caressing your rosy cheek as he gazes down at you; eyes a swirl of fondness and desire for you. You pout a little, ignoring how your heart flutters from basically being treated like a pillow princess. Well… minus the pillow. He waits to see if you’d retaliate and soon smiles when he knows you’re obeying him. Truly, such a good girl for him. He adores it.

His hands gently grip onto your knees to keep your legs apart as he leans down to press hot, sloppy kisses down your soft tummy, allowing you to wiggle beneath him. “Tsk, how are you going to handle me fucking you if you’re already so squirmy?” He teases, teeth latching onto the edge of your bikini bottoms to give a teasing tug. You whimper, hands covering your face once more as you feel so flushed. The cool night breeze isn’t enough for you. You just feel so hot as you lay there for him, taking every touch he blesses you with. Levi could smell your excitement and it drives him further, fingers quick to untie the sides of the bottoms before he tugs them off. Instantly, your face heats up. You didn’t think it could feel any hotter but, it’s only natural when he’s staring so intensely at your dripping pussy.

“Fuck.” He curses out in near disbelief again from just how pretty you are; pussy alone. The entirety of you is nearly beyond what he can comprehend. Fingers are gentle when he they push apart your slick covered folds to inspect your further. The way your clit looks so inviting to suck and kiss on. The way your juices just slowly drip downwards onto the towel. The way your hole clenches around nothing and looking so inviting for his cock to just bury deep in. He has to wait, though. Just a little longer. If it’s possible. His long fingers stroke up and down your pussy, watching in silent amazement at how quickly his fingers get coated with your excitement.

“Such a pretty pussy.” He compliments quietly and you’re panting from feeling his featherlight touch of his stroking fingers, your hands gripping onto the towel. Were you always this sensitive? You couldn’t remember being this riled up by a man’s touch. Maybe it’s because it’s the lifeguard and you clearly festered both a romantic crush and deep attraction for him. Levi shifts to look at you as his fingers become more firm with his touch. It’s still gentle, swiping up and down slowly and barely brushing against your clit. You feel it throb and let out a whine, trying to angle your hips to feel more. Levi chuckles softly, pressing loving kisses to your inner thighs that quiver. “So needy for me.” He purrs softly, finally giving in for you. Long fingers tease around your tight entrance before slowly pressing in middle finger in. His own head hangs forward as he feels your inner walls squeeze around the new intrusion. It feels so warm and inviting. Wet enough to practically suck his finger in.

With one final kiss to your womanhood, Levi’s tongue meets your clit. You choke on your own moans from the new sensations. Your velvety walls squeezing around his finger that slowly pumps in and out. You feel his tongue swirling around your throbbing clit, the pleasure surging up your body already enough to coax you to tremble. You feel too sensitive— Clear from how your legs clench around the lifeguard’s head. Levi doesn’t mind at all. In fact, he’s just endeared and encouraged to go further. His long middle finger continues to slide in and out with ease, pushing in deep as he could to feel more of you as he presses sloppy kisses and tongue dragging against your clit. His wet muscle flicks against your clit repeatedly, watching with eyes alight with passion for your reactions. Each squirm. Each wiggle. The way his name sounds like a prayer you’re chanting between your needy moans. All of it is glorious to him.

He slides his index finger with his middle to stretch your hole out further, watching as you sob out in ecstasy already from the pleasure that washes over you in waves. Your eyes stay open as you stare up at the night sky, lips open and drool seeping out. It feels so good, the way his tongue expertly rolls against your clit and how his long fingers seem to reach further, angling enough until your body jolts with something further. “F-Fuck.” You stutter out, hand quickly gripping onto his black hair. Levi’s head tilts slightly, keeping his fingers angled as he continues to relentlessly finger you in the same position, enjoying the wet sloppy sounds of your pussy and your internal walls squeezing around his fingers. It only drives his imagination to go crazy and crave for further things. He’s not going to. Not yet. Not until you cum around his fingers first. He’s evil like that. One orgasm is never enough for his eyes to witness.

Your eyes roll back before closing tightly, the sounds of your moans becoming louder as his fingers continue to abuse the sweet spot in you, leaving you trembling and your face scrunching up. Unable to contain just how heavenly it all feels. Your stomach begins to feel tight and hot. The desperation to let go going further. Fuck, you know you need to. You try to hold it back. Thinking it’d be unfair to climax without him doing it alongside you. “Le-ah… Levi— Please. I can’t— If you keep— Nnghh..” You whimper out loudly, unable to form a proper sentence to warn the lifeguard. He snorts quietly, face burying further against you as his tongue rubs against your clit and fingers skilfully sliding in and out. Not too rough. Just enough to drive you further. Your nails dig harshly into his scalp as you try to grip onto his hair. The stars seem to double in the sky as your built up high finally snaps.

His arm wrapped around your thigh loosens up once he begins to feel your thighs tremble hard through your orgasm. The lifeguard watches in silent adoration, taking in every way your body relaxes. Muscles tensing up, only to relax. Toes curling and legs squirming against the towel and sand. You’re panting heavily between your needy cries, face still scrunched up as you truly can’t comprehend the explosion of an orgasm you’re feeling. Just from his fingers and tongue alone. Your body and mind feels like jelly. Unable to think of anything as you lay there, happily riding the absolute bliss. Levi’s hands tenderly stroke your thighs, smearing your slick across your skin.

“Such a good girl.” He praises you gently, prompting a shy smile to appear across your face. “Hush..” You mumble, knee bumping against his face lightly from where he lays. Levi chuckles softly before leaning down to slowly drag his tongue up between your folds, collecting more of your sweetness to consume. “The sweetest, too.” Levi groans out. You whimper softly, feeling too sensitive from just climaxing. He doesn’t care. “Please let me just touch your cock. I haven’t even seen you yet! Bit unfair…” You complain, lips forming your signature pout once more. Levi snorts. He is leaning on his knees now, hands rubbing still along your legs, fingertips massaging your muscles.

Levi thinks it’s a miracle that he’s even lasted this long without whipping his cock out and, could he truly deny himself this pleasure? The dark-haired male’s tongue drags along his lips, still able to taste you. “Come on, then.” His long fingers gesture for you to sit up and his eyes widen momentarily from just how quick you obey him. You sit up properly, eyes eager and darting from his face to his crotch. “You’re like a puppy.” Levi comments, ignoring the way your cute eagerness just makes his raging cock throb.

His fingers slip past the elastic band of his boardshorts before he slowly begins to pull it down. He’s still teasing you. Intentionally and you know it. You huff quietly and your eyes focus on seeing a nice trimmed area around the base of his— Oh. You watch as his thick erection finally springs out from the horrible constraints. He’s big, which unsurprisingly you weren’t truly expecting. All you knew was that you’d be obsessed with his cock no matter how it looks. You lean in close to inspect the way his cock curves slightly, two veins protruding slightly along the length of it and the perfectly pink-ish tip leaking with pre-cum already. Will it even fit? You couldn’t help but wonder.

Levi watches you anxiously as you just stare at his cock, hand extending out to brush the hair out of your eyes. “Hurry up and touch my cock. It’s what you wanted.” He huffs out the order, prompting a shy giggle to escape you, cheeks feeling hot. “Your cock is so pretty, I’m obsessed.” You say sweetly, shifting your body until your knees dig into the beach towel, one hand planted against it as your other reaches for his length. Your fingers wrap around the base of his cock, feeling it throb in your hold and your warm breath fan against the tip. Levi’s breath hitches, looking down at you in a rather vulnerable position. Ass hovering up before him and face pressing against his erection. He finds himself wishing he could tattoo this image in his mind to have for life.

He tries to stay quiet, minus the soft panting that escapes as he tries to contain himself from not showing too much. Your hand begins to gently stroke along the entire length of his cock, fingertips just being able to touch around the thickness. He’s going to stretch you out so well and your pussy is already dripping with need. You look up at him from beneath your long lashes as your lips wrap around the leaking tip and suckle on it gently, allowing saliva to dribble out. Levi groans, fingers threading through your hair to grip firmly as he focuses deeply on both the sight and the way his cock feels the wet warmth of your sweet mouth.

Your tongue teasingly swirls several times slowly around the tip, enjoying the salty taste of his pre-cum that leaks as your hand continues to move slowly along the length, fingertips pressing lightly against the protruding veins. Your wrist twists lightly with each stroke and Levi couldn’t help but mutter filth beneath his breath from how good it feels. Just from your hand and tongue alone. It encourages you to squeeze around the base of his cock as your lips stretch around the width of his throbbing cock, moans muffled by your mouth stuffed full. It sends vibrations along his length and he strangles out his own moan of your name, tugging on your hair.

You begin to slide your mouth along. You keep your jaw nice and slack so you’re able to take most of him into your mouth. The tip brushes against the back of your throat as you take him further, prompting you to gag lightly. It sounds heavenly to his ears, always been a lover of the wet sounds of a blowjob. He presses gently on the back of your head, forcing you to take more, which you do so eagerly. You don’t care about choking. Hell, you love the feeling of it. Throat stuffed full of his cock and the only access to breathe is through your nose heavily. Your throat muscles constrict around his pulsating cock and it coaxes a tremble out of his body, hips bucking slightly.

Your tongue presses against the underside and no matter how much you slurp up your saliva, more just continues to spill out. The blowjob is filthy and loud. Just the way he likes it. Levi wouldn’t give a flying fuck if one of their friends happens to walk by on the beach. All he can think about is your heavenly mouth wrapped so sweetly and taking every inch of his length. He didn’t care about the salty air or sand between his toes. He just wants you. As you continue to fuck your mouth onto his cock, he could feel the hotness in his stomach tighten with the need to release. The desperate build continues and this isn’t where he wanted to finish. “Fuck— Baby. Stop, I want to fuck you properly.” Levi breathes out heavily, eyelids heavy as he looks down at you.

You whine, wanting to continue to taste his cock on your tongue but, you obey and slide your mouth off with an audible pop. You couldn’t stop yourself from breathing heavily as you lacked air for so long. A string of saliva connects from your lips to the pulsing tip of his length. Your chest rises and falls with each deep breath, leaning forward to give the tip a loving kiss. Levi hisses lowly, already kicking off his boardshorts properly before reaching into the pockets for the condom he tucked away hours before.

“No.” You say, playfully swatting at the condom in his hand, still on your knees. He looks at you for a moment with an eyebrow raised. “Wan’ be stuffed full of your cum.” You say sweetly and his brain instantly short-circuits. Cum. Inside. Fuck. His hands roughly cup your cheeks, forcing you to kneel up before he presses a fierce kiss to your lips. You couldn’t help but moan at the taste of yourself still lingering on his lips. “You’re so filthy, I’ll break you.” He breathes out before his hands forcefully move your body. You found yourself turned around, unable to see him. A soft mewl escapes your lips as his hand pushes against your back until your breasts meet the towel and sand. You could barely focus on trying to straighten the fabric beneath you as his large hands grope your ass cheek with roughness.

Levi’s nails drag along your ass before his hands spread outwards until he could see everything. Your face feels hot once more from being moved into such a compromising position, nuzzling your face into the towel. He watches as your juices slowly drip from your pussy, clearly ready to invite him in. He’s going in bare. No condom. He’ll be able to feel— Fuck, he couldn’t wait anymore. Courtesies be damned. One hand keeps you spread out for him as his other holds the base of his cock. For several moments, he just rubs his throbbing length between your slick folds, breath becoming heavy. “Don’t you dare stay quiet.” He warns you gently before pushing the tip of his cock into your tight hole.

You whimper loudly when you feel just the head pressing into you. You could barely focus on how both of his hands grip onto your ass now, ignoring the stretch of your cheeks and only wishing you could see his face. The lifeguard watches as he slowly sinks his thick cock into you, deep desire for you only growing as he witnesses every inch disappearing as your velvety walls seem to grip onto his cock and pull him in. As if your body acted alone on wanting to be filled to the brim of his cock. Levi’s head tilts back as he groans at the heavenly feeling of your tight, wet hole.

Your hand reaches out to pitifully grip onto soft sand, trying to get used to the sweet painful feeling of his erection stretching you out so quickly. You pant heavily between whimpering moans, mouth hanging open and eyes barely able to focus on the dot of red in the far distance; the bonfire. Here you are, ass propped up and Levi’s cock buried so deeply inside of you. Levi’s hand reassuringly strokes along your side as he leans forward to press chaste kisses against the back of your shoulder, feeling his hot breath. “You feel like fucking heaven..” Levi mutters breathlessly and selfishly, he doesn’t even wait for your signal to continue as he starts to pull out, only to fuck back into you.

You blush at his words, head tilting to press against the towel and it muffles your already loud moans as he takes his time fucking into you. Levi feels almost delirious as he feels your slick walls stretching out for him but staying wrapped so snug and tight around him each time his length invades your sweet hole. He grunts, reaching out to grip onto your hair, forcing your head to tilt to the side so he could hear your beautiful moans of his name. You squeeze around his length, feeling him dragging along your inner walls. It only leaves you sobbing out for him, addicted to the pleasurable feeling. How will you ever live without his cock again? It drives the lifeguard further and he picks up the pace of his thrusts. Skin slapping against skin becoming louder and mixing with both and his own sounds that continue to escape.

The dark-haired male drills his cock into you relentlessly, fucking you into the ground of the beach. The sound of the gentle waves weren’t enough to mask anything anymore. He’s thrilled by the squelching sound of your pussy as he continues to fuck you, fingers gripping onto your hips hard enough to leave bruising. Levi’s eyes are closed tightly, riding the sweet pleasure he feels as you continue to squeeze around him. Your moans turn into loud cries, body jerking forward each time he slams his thick into your hole, stuffing you full to the brim. One of his hand travels along your hot skin until it presses flat against your lower stomach. He’s leaning over you, whispering into your ear.

“Feel that, baby? Can feel my own cock inside of you.” He presses down further, feeling your stomach bulge as his cock fucks into you deep. You whimper loudly from feeling every inch, tears glued to your long lashes. “L-Levi, please..” You beg, arching into his hand. He chuckles breathlessly, reaching for your hand in the sand until his fingers lace with yours. He pulls his length out until it’s only the tip before he slams back into you. He repeats it, breath ragged and unable to ever get used to feeling of your sweet dripping cunt. “Ah~ Wan’ face— see.. please!” You babble out, feeling as if your mind is slipping away as you’re completely embraced by the pleasure he blesses you with.

The lifeguard is panting heavily, heart jumping at the idea that briefly crosses his mind. Even if he loves the stunning sight of your cunt squeezing around his invading cock; the idea of you on top becomes more appealing. Levi slides his cock out, noticing it already dripping with your juices. “Come on, Baby.” He groans at the loss of your hole, hands lifting you up. Your body already feels like melting jelly, but you obey his guidance by moving until bodies are twisting and he’s the one now laying down on the crinkled towel, cock slapping against his toned stomach.

“Good girl. So pretty. Such a pretty girl, going to make me feel all sorts of pleasure, hm?” He praises, prompting you to feel giddiness as you straddle him with ease. One of your hands gently takes hold of his cock once more to position against your needy hole. Sweat lightly coats both of your bodies and Levi is watching with silent desperation as you position yourself. He needs your cunt again. His palms caress your weak thighs as silent encouragement, chewing on his lower lip. You finally sink down onto his cock and the pair of you moan together. All over again, you feel the stretching pain subside quickly as his length buries deep inside of your pussy. You look down to see the lifeguard looking like he’s on some high, which he definitely feels like he is as your warm, slick covered walls clench around his throbbing cock.

Pretty moans are dragged out of you as you begin to ride his length like it’s the only thing your body was created for. You move eagerly; up and down. Unable to contain the ecstasy that surges through you. Levi thinks the entirety of you is an enchanting sight — From the way your breasts bounce, to how your cunt just swallows his cock so eagerly each time you slide down, the wetness of your womanhood aiding with each swift slide. Even the way you roll your hips is heavenly. His hands slide up your thighs, fingertips ghosting across your hips. You angle yourself into his grip, pressing your chest against his. You whimper directly against his ear, pressing wet kisses to his jawline as you fuck yourself onto his perfect cock.

His hands squeeze your hips before he holds you in place, preventing yourself from grinding down on his cock and begins to pound up into you, head falling back onto the beach towel as he groans from the pleasurable feeling that continues to smother his own length. You gasp sharply when his thickness begins to drill into you, abusing that sweet spot that leaves you seeing extra stars for the night. You’re clinging onto him, nails digging into his shoulders as you sob, feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated from the way he fucks deep, dragging along your walls that continue to clench, as if your hole is begging for him to stay inside.

It’s all becoming too much. You’ve become a big crybaby in his arms as you just simply enjoy being used by the lifeguard. Utterly drunk off of the delectation and all over again, you could feel the rush of the orgasm approaching. “Le-Levi!” You choke out as you tighten your hold on him. Levi groans, feeling his own orgasm rapidly approaching him as he fixates on his hips thrusting upwards sharply. “Let go, sweetheart.” He whispers, sounding like the oxygen was already knock out of him, strands of hair sticking to his temples from the sweat. Your face is buried against his neck and as you hang on for dear life, the last few sloppy yet deep thrusts sent you over the edge for the second time.

Your mind is completely wiped, eyes rolling and crying out loudly for the lifeguard as your body trembles on top of him, walls clenching repeatedly squeezing around his thickness as if hungry to milk him of every drop of his own cum. Levi groans, arms wrapping around your waist to embrace you, giving one last final thrust through your orgasm until he finds himself chasing you over the edge. He’s panting heavily, thigh muscles tensing and hips stuttering as his cum spills from the sensitive tip of his cock, pumping you full of his hot, sticky cum. “Good girl, fuck.. You feel so- fuck..” He murmurs breathlessly, unable to focus on anything but the pleasure surging through his body and leaving his head spinning.

He slowly rides out both his and your orgasm by slowly thrusting into you, noticing how much full you feel from his seed filling you up to the brim and even dripping slowly from your stuffed hole. His cock being coated with a mixture of your slick with his cum. You’re panting heavily, an occasional whine escaping in response to his cock slowly sliding in and out of you; each glide of his cock with ease. “You’re perfect.” He whispers softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as you continue to cling onto him.

You feel like you’re floating, completely buzzed from being blessed with two orgasms. Truly overstimulated, you don’t think you’d be able to handle anything else. You feel sweaty and sand— It was unavoidable, even with a towel. You couldn’t stop yourself from giggling as you continue to lay on top of him, pressing lazy kisses to his neck. The corners of his lips curl slightly from hearing your endearing giggle. “What’s so funny?” He asks with an eyebrow raising, hand caressing along your back. “I never fucked on a beach before. Was definitely an experience.” You comment lightly, ears finally starting to tune in on the wind through the trees in the distance and the waves of the ocean. “A good experience, I hope.” He grunts as he finally decides to slide out of your comforting warmth, feeling his own sticky cum oozing out onto his lap. He refuses to move, just hugging onto your waist.

You squirm from the sticky feeling between your legs, pouting at the loss of his pretty cock inside of you. You shift yourself until you’re hovering above, face to face. “The best experience.” You whisper before leaning down to press a loving kiss to his sweet tiers. You could still taste yourself on his lips and it prompts your face to heat up. He smiles against your lips, a hand coming up to cup the back of your head. His lips move slowly against yours, savouring the kiss and pouring everything into it. It leaves you breathless again, fingertips brushing along his neck before you finally pull away from the kiss.

Quietly, Levi sits up slightly to try and straighten out the towel beneath him, one arm still wrapped around your waist. You grin, brushing the sand out of his hair. Well, the best you could. He smiles softly towards you, gaze holding warmth. He uses his strength to move you with ease until you’re both laying on your sides, facing each other and legs tangled. Clothes lay forgotten to the side, abandoned condom on top. Your hand rests against his toned chest, silently admiring him. Tonight was perfect. Sure, to others it may not be so appealing to fuck in an open space. You’re 100% sure that the sounds of your pleasure would have carried with the wind towards your friends at the bonfire. Everything was public. Still public, as you lay beneath the stars and gentle moonlight. You like it. Even if others exist on the beach — Night or day, it always just felt like you were in your own world with Levi. Besides, it’s rather attractive that someone ‘oh so serious’ seems to be into public sex and possessive over you.

Levi takes hold of your hand, bringing it up to his lips and he kisses each of your knuckles tenderly before his long fingers lace with yours. He didn’t care about the bodily fluids drying up. He just wants to hold your hand. He wants to hold you, all through the night. To hell with the mess, really. Both of you can just wash up later at his apartment. Mm. He smiles at the thought of you sharing a shower with him. You give him a questioning look, head tilting slightly and your thumb caressing his hand lightly. Levi inhales deeply before leaning in until his forehead rests against yours, noses brushing against each other.

“I just look forward to even more time with you.” He whispers, not caring how bold it is of him. It’s how he feels. It’s genuine. No one else has ever captured his heart like you did when you walked through the door to ask help for the lost little girl. Levi is the type to be honest and he definitely refuses to hide anything from you, the one he’s falling in love with. You smile softly, easily melting at his words. Heart becoming jelly, just like your body. You kiss him softly before snuggling into him, closing your eyes. You have no intention of moving an inch away from the lifeguard that you’re falling so deeply for. You look up towards the dark sky. Your previous empty mind now swirling with love and affection you hold for Levi. You breathe in before you finally, sigh out happily.

“Me, too.”

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lilttlefloffu · 2 years

Text

With time he can enjoy stay close Y/N and cuddle when they don't have task to do.

#ask fnaf #ask #doodles #sun/moon x y/n #sun/moon fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf the daycare attendant #security breach #fnaf #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #I tried using a new brush I don't hate it but I didn't like it either

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aestheticsyoutubers · 1 year

Photo

jeremy dooley, letsplay ↳ unknown video

#jeremy dooley #achievement hunter #letsplay #unknown video #aestheticsyoutubers #aesthetics #youtube aesthetic #youtube #i tried finding the video for this and i just wanna say something #anyone who's like 'message for content source' can fuck right the fuck off #just fucking put it in the tags?? like the rest of us?????#it's literally not that fucking hard?????#a n y w a y #on a scale of one to fuck off i'm gonna tell you where you need to be

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bluebeary-jay · 11 months

Text

scattered thoughts / sharp focus

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel is taken away from you and upon finding him almost-dead... something in you snaps ((kinda part 2 to clouded judgment / clear mind, but you don't necessarily need to read that one))

Tags: ANGST, angst with happy ending, near death experiences, Joel has surprisingly little screen time but you'll see he was there in spirit

Warnings: REALLY graphic descriptions of violence, small panic attacks, KINDA torture(?) 😳, choking, lemme know if i missed something

Word count: 7.5K

A/N: i can't believe i've finally finished it! i aimed for a worthy successor to cj/cm aaand i hope i managed but jeez was it hard. also i told myself i won't be writing sth like that again but i kinda have an idea for the final part (would be hurt/comfort 🤭) so let me know if it's sth you'd like to read. anyway as always happy reading!! 💕🥰 comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, i absolutely love seeing what you think of my fics!

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You swallowed your tears and rested the chin on your hands, trying to push back the wave of panic threatening to drown you.

“Tell me again.”

Tommy sighed, his own eyes empty and worried.

“I don’t know who those guys were, but they obviously knew Joel. There was a dark man leadin’ them, and I think he had somethin’ wrong with his lip, but it was too far for me to take a good look. The group consisted of five, maybe six people? And I shot one of them, but he appeared to still be alive when they were leavin’.”

You were silent for a couple of seconds, trying to make sense of it all.

“And where did they take him?”

“I reckon to the old ski resort on the top of the mountain. We ventured pretty far from here to investigate these tracks.”

You nodded and steeled yourself, taking a deep, trembling breath and quickly drying your tears.

“Okay. I’m going.”

“You’re not.” Maria leaned over the table, her expression unyielding. “The decision is final.”

“I am going,” you repeated fiercely, slamming the flat of your hand against the tabletop, but Tommy gave you a stern look, which made you bite your tongue. “Look, I get that you don’t want to lose even more people in a rescue mission–”

“This is not what it’s about,” Maria retorted, almost looking hurt by your words. “Believe me, if I wasn’t carrying another human being inside me, I’d already be going after them. But you have to take other things into consideration.”

“She’s right,” Tommy spoke up quietly, though equally irritably, and you turned sharply to look at him in disbelief. “The route to the resort is very advantageous to fall into an ambush. They could shoot us off like ducks and we’d have nowhere to hide.”

“I don’t care,” you ground out, looking from one to the other. “We can’t leave Joel. He’s your family, for goddamn–”

“You think I don’t know that?!” shouted Tommy abruptly, bringing his hand down onto the table, too. “He’s my fucking brother and was family way before you were even born!”

“Tommy.” Maria kicked him under the table, keeping one hand on her belly. Her husband flared his nostrils, clearly agitated by your words, but you were too angry yourself to care right now. You two glared at each other for some time before Tommy clenched his fists and turned around.

“M’goin’ to get some air,” he said gloomily over his shoulder, already at the door leading outside. Maria sighed and looked at you again.

“Please. Don’t do anything stupid, and I swear I’ll send a group out as soon as this blizzard ends.”

“He can be long dead by then,” you answered gravely, really set off by Tommy’s reaction and his words. You tried to will your tear ducts to hold any signs of stress and worry, not wanting to show your friend how broken and helpless you felt inside. “If it was me, he’d already be halfway there to save me, Maria.”

“I know. But just think about it. If something happens to you…” She shook her head. “How do you think I’d be able to look Joel in the eyes and explain why… how…”

She genuinely seemed at a loss of words, and you sighed, rubbing your eyes tiredly.

“I understand where you’re coming from, I really do. But I need to get him home, Maria. I have to.”

With that, you stood up, feeling like you were going to suffocate if you stayed in the room any longer. You didn’t look back even when you heard Maria calling your name softly.

There wasn’t any sense in discussing the matter with any of them – you made up your mind to go and save Joel and there was no way anyone would make you stay. He wouldn’t hesitate to go and get you if anyone dared to lay a hand on you.

You remembered that one time when he killed a group of men who wanted to use you as a bargaining chip to gain entry to Jackson. And how afterward you told him you’d do the same for him, unable to bear the painful and guilty expression on his face.

Now you planned on doing just that.

You were scared – of course you were, you weren’t stupid – and the nerves were practically eating you alive, gnawing at your bones and hurting your muscles from the inside out.

But the worst was the fear of never seeing Joel again. Of something happening to him. And you couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t at least try…

“I’m coming with you.”

Your head snapped to the side. There stood Ellie – dressed in a warm jacket and a hat that didn’t cover her ears. Her eyes were full of fire, and you recognized the anger and determination in her expression as the same which were almost suffocating you.

Of course she was eavesdropping on the conversation. It was Joel that it was about, after all, her dad in all but one sense.

And suddenly you understood what Maria meant by not being able to look Joel in the eyes if something happened to you.

“No,” you said curtly, walking past her and out onto the street in the direction of your house.

“I’m not asking for permission.” Ellie was right behind you, and the force of her steps showed just how angry and frustrated she was – just like you felt. “I know you’re gonna go after those guys, and I’m coming with you.”

“You’re not,” you repeated more sternly, not turning around to face her. You reached your house and fumbled to open the door. “You’re staying and that’s fina–”

You stopped yourself and sighed, pressing your forehead against the wooden surface.

It was unfair. You were unfair. If those exact words spoken by Maria have set you off so much, you wouldn’t be surprised if Ellie…

“You’re not my fucking mom, remember?” the girl barked angrily, and you let out a shuddering breath, stressed to your limits with everything that happened in the last few hours. “You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do just because you’re older!”

It’s okay. It’s gonna be fine. Everything is gonna be okay.

“I know,” you whispered after a couple of seconds of silence, still not turning around. “I’m sorry.”

Ellie didn’t answer. You repeated your quiet mantra and glanced over your shoulder at her. “But Ellie, I… I can’t let you go. Joel would never forgive me if something happened to you.”

Jesus. Exactly like Maria.

Ellie still looked pissed at your earlier words, and she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Well, you’re not the only one who cares about him, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. But you’re the one he cares about the most.”

Ellie opened her mouth. Closed it and furrowed her eyebrows, but the irritation in her eyes dimmed. You gave her a small, apologetic smile, trying not to burst into tears.

“He’s gonna be fine, you know,” you lied smoothly, opening the door. “And Maria said she’ll send a group to retrieve him as soon as the storm eases up a bit.”

You didn’t even need to look to know that she didn’t believe you. To be honest, you wouldn’t believe yourself either in this situation.

You waited several seconds to see if the girl wanted to say something else, but after a few moments she spun on her heel and went back, not saying anything. You stared after her, but when the thick snow made her figure just a fuzzy shape, you gently closed the door and pressed the heels of your hands to your eyes.

It’s going to be fine. You’ll get Joel back and all will be okay.

You took a couple of deep – albeit shaky – breaths to pull yourself together, and when you were pretty sure you weren’t about to start crying, you made your way into the kitchen. And stopped short.

At your table sat Tommy, fiddling with his thumbs.

“Fuck, Tommy,” you mumbled, trying to calm down your pounding heart. “You scared the crap out of me.”

The younger Miller looked up, but stayed silent. You looked at each other for a few tense moments, but ultimately you sighed and left him in the kitchen, going to your room to get a backpack and another, more fitting, set of clothes.

He was still there when you returned to the kitchen with your stuff, but you didn’t even pretend you weren’t preparing to head out. The man watched silently as you put the backpack down by the door, went to retrieve and reload your gun, and gathered some essentials on the table, not once glancing in his direction.

You were persistent in ignoring Tommy’s presence, but then he finally spoke up.

“We can go before dawn. I’ll get the horses ready and we will take the fourth gate.”

You froze and stopped what you were doing, then turned around and placed your hand on your hip.

“We can’t take horses up there. Not in this weather.”

“We’ll leave them at the fifteenth checkmark. That place in the East where there are so many swallows durin’ spring.”

You nodded, and your gaze softened when you looked him over. Tommy was just as worried about Joel as you were, you knew it. He was just better at hiding it.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” you murmured, feeling terrible that in such a short amount of time, it was a second person you were apologizing to. “But you know I have to go after him. You know that.”

“Fuck,” he swore quietly, sighing. “Yeah, I know. There’s no way I ain’t goin’ either. Just… I just hate doing somethin’ behind Maria’s back.”

You didn’t answer �� because what could you say? That he didn’t have to go with you? As much as you wanted to save Joel, pretending not to care about the dangers or anyone’s opinion, you knew you’d probably die if you went alone. But it didn’t mean you were going to ignore all that Tommy was risking by coming along with you.

“You don’t have to, Tommy,” you whispered. “You have your wife to think about, after all. And your–”

“I know,” he interrupted glumly. “Don’t worry. All of us will come back.”

You nodded. You really hoped he was right.

*****

At first, everything was going according to plan.

At least, until Ellie decided to show up.

She surprised both you and Tommy a couple of miles outside of Jackson, probably thinking that it was far enough that you won’t try to send her away.

You tried anyway. You were understandably furious, not only because she didn’t listen to you, but also that she trailed after you both for so long in this weather. Her reveal caused a short screaming match and a couple of nervous tears shed by you, but eventually you and Tommy decided it’d be more dangerous to make Ellie go back to Jackson alone. So she continued with you to the house where you left your horses, then past it and in the direction of the ski resort.

You didn’t know how many people were at the resort, and there were only the two of you – well, three, counting Ellie, but no matter her stubbornness, you weren’t going to let her go in – and an attack was too risky in this situation.

So you decided to sneak in. To distract and draw the kidnappers’ attention long enough for you to get Joel out. It was still stupidly risky, but it wasn’t like there were much more options that wouldn’t end in those guys killing all of you. The plan was that Tommy would find a vantage point and be on guard to take down any threats with his sniper rifle if you were noticed, while you go get Joel.

Ellie… Ellie didn’t take no for an answer. And as much as you hated that she tagged along on this dangerous rescue mission, you had to admit that she came prepared. Apparently some time ago Joel taught her how to make trap mines and she pitched the idea of planting some up the mountain to create an avalanche.

Well, you and Tommy were both very much against setting off a full-blown avalanche, but it wasn’t a bad idea per se. So it was agreed that Tommy will help her set the bombs in some strategic places while you wait for a signal to go in.

The sneaking in part was surprisingly easy. The people staying there didn’t leave any guards outside, probably because they didn’t expect that someone would actually look for them in this weather, and it seemed that there weren’t that many of them inside like you feared. You had a vague idea where Joel might be, based on the positioning of the people present, so you reckoned it’ll be the wisest to wait nearby.

It took about an hour of hiding in one of the empty rooms (you had to change your hiding spot once, because someone decided to randomly sweep the perimeter) before you heard distant explosions and panicked, angry yells, and then a rumble of the mountain. You suspected a fair amount of snow was falling down the slope, and you prayed that Ellie and Tommy were in a safe place when that happened.

You heard the sound of footsteps getting further away. Then more of it. It was eerily silent, and you counted to ten in your head, before slowly exiting your hiding spot.

Just as you suspected, Joel was held in the lobby, tied to one of the decorative columns, and even though his back was to you, you’d recognize him anywhere, even by hands or the back of his head alone. A quick glance around the room confirmed that there was no one around, but still you preferred to stay on guard. You silently tip-toed to where he was sitting on the floor, mindful of all the debris scattered on the floor and keeping your head low, and breathed a sigh of relief when you finally reached him.

“Don’t move,” you whispered, barely moving your lips. Your fingers touched his wrist and he budged slightly. You angled your face closer to the left side of his head, hoping he’ll hear you better this way. “It’s me, Joel. I’m gonna get these off you, okay?”

Not waiting for the reply, you took out your knife and started to cut the thick, coarse rope binding Joel’s wrists. You winced at the burns underneath, but you managed not to cut him, which was a feat with how tight the ropes were. He was very still, probably not wanting to handicap you.

“Okay,” you whispered when the last of the thick strands were cut through, and you carefully slid the remnants of the rope from his wrists. “Now follow me, Tommy is…”

Your voice died down when Joel’s arms loosely slumped down, along with his head, and a second later his torso started tilting to the side before heavily hitting the ground.

Your heart stopped in your chest.

“No.” The whispered word escaped you when you hurried around him, now not caring about staying hidden. “No, no, no, please…”

You rolled Joel onto his back and only now saw the damage done to him – his nose broken, face covered in blood, a gash under his left ear, and a still bleeding gunshot wound in his arm. He didn’t look dead, didn’t have that lifeless emptiness around him, but his eyes were closed and his chest was still. You put your ear to his mouth, desperate to feel his breath on your skin, but…

No, it can’t be, it can’t…

You couldn’t feel anything.

“Joel,” you said quietly, taking his face between your hands, but tears were blurring your vision. “Come on, please open your eyes.” A choked sob broke out of your throat and you shook your head when he still didn’t even as much as stir. “Love, please…”

That’s when your eyes landed on a small, glass vial lying discarded some feet away. You looked from it to Joel, tears clouding your vision, and scrambled forward to check it out.

As you suspected, the syringe – because that’s what it turned out to be – had the traces of a thick, translucent liquid in it left. There wasn’t any writing on it, but the glass was clean, unlike various other bottles and wrappings scattered throughout the facility. You stared at it for a couple of seconds, then fixed your gaze on Joel again.

Just as the sound of footsteps started to echo down the hall.

You froze and strained your ears to make sure you didn’t imagine it, then took a look around the room. The doors were slightly ajar, but whoever was coming here, they couldn’t see you just yet. Panic seized your insides and you turned to Joel again.

“Sweetheart, please wake up,” you whispered pleadingly, shaking his shoulders and slapping his cheek lightly. “Come on, look at me, open your eyes…"

The steps were getting louder by the second. You tore the glove off your hand with your teeth and tried to very quickly check Joel’s pulse, but either in your panic you couldn’t find it, or the heartbeat was too slow for you to pick up.

You didn’t consider any other option.

There wasn’t much time left, so finally you left him and quietly went to hide behind the door, waiting for the incomer to walk in. Your hand reached for the gun on your belt.

And paused.

There couldn’t be any other option… right? Joel was alive, you just failed to find his pulse. He…

He was lying, still in the place you left him, and you couldn’t see his chest moving. The blood was flowing from the wound in his arm, staining his jacket and the floor… Your hand, the one holding the pistol, was covered in it, too…

Then you did something you never expected of yourself.

The gun stayed in its holster, and you went to grab from the ground one of the heavier pieces of debris you noticed before, a long metal pipe. Your hands tightened on the metal, and your eyes stayed on Joel’s lifeless form. You took a stifled, nervous breath. Then a deep, steadying one.

The person in the hall was really close now. Joel still didn’t appear to be moving or breathing, and it made your own chest feel tight and painful.

He couldn’t be dead. He couldn’t.

But if they did this, if… if he won’t ever open his beautiful brown eyes again, say your name in that entricing raspy drawl…

The doors to your right opened and your face twisted in rage and resentment. Your muscles tensed and focus sharpened.

The man who walked through the door made a noise of surprise at the sight of Joel lying on the floor – and that inhaling sound, that maddening noise seemed to taunt you, because how dared he breathe when Joel’s own breath was stolen from him, when you weren’t sure if it was still there – right before you stepped forward and swung the pipe with all your might.

The man – dark skin, with short hair – fell down with a loud cry when the harsh metal hit him right in the temple. Your eyes scanned his figure for a weapon, and you hit him again, this time somewhere near his stomach, when he made a move to reach for his knife.

“What did you give him?!” you asked with malice and venom that were so alien to you, you almost didn’t recognize your voice. The man’s eyes focused on you for the first time when you kicked his blade away, and his confusion turned to anger.

“Crazy bitch!” he spat, heaving for air, and lunged at you, but the open wound in his skull must’ve slowed him down, because without any problem you managed to raise your makeshift weapon before he could grab you.

Since you met him so many years ago, you always had Joel to watch your back. Now you were alone, but somehow that thought didn’t scare you. It exhilarated you.

An unpleasant, hair-rising crack echoed in the room, followed by the stranger’s scream, when the heavy metal smashed the bones in the forearm.

“I asked… a simple, fucking, question!” you snarled at the man, bringing the pipe down again, aiming for his hand this time. He moved it away at the last second, which enraged you even more, so with a mad, frustrated scream, you smashed his knee, using the pipe’s momentum when it bounced off the floor. “What the fuck did you do to him?!!”

He screamed, loudly and terribly, cursing at you with every shaky breath he took, and–

You felt so unlike you, so… out of your skin, somehow… but you wanted to make him suffer. You wanted to know this inhuman cry of pain that was reverberating through the walls of the resort was your doing and your power over this bastard. Because of what they did to Joel.

Then a loud bang rang out in the air, and you instinctively ducked your head when a part of the door to your side was shot off. You dropped the pipe – no use for it now – and drew your gun, noticing with surprise that your heart was steady and your breath even, as if you didn’t almost get shot just now.

Another bullet was sent in your direction, and a woman’s voice yelled something inaudible, while you stood still and counted the seconds.

Three, two…

In a rapid movement, you came out of cover and aimed at the person standing in the hall, firing twice. The first bullet hit the woman in the arm while the second seemed to burrow itself in her stomach. She fell backwards with a curt cry, and the man lying at your feet roared with rage.

“No! You fucking bitch, leave her alone!!”

Your motions were almost automatic as you put your gun away and picked up the metal pipe again, its end splattered with blood. The man in front of you had to see something in your eyes – despair? emptiness? hatred? – because his face fell and he started quietly begging for you to stop and let him go. At least that’s what you assumed he was saying, because you didn’t listen to him one bit.

“Do not…” you started, unexpectedly calmly, bringing the end of the blunt weapon down. The impact caused his shinbone to break, and you lingered for just a moment to hear the bitter cracks of the shattered bones, “fucking… go anywhere. Don’t you dare move, hear me?”

The man didn’t answer, just cursed and wept in pain. The sound was horrible, but you almost didn’t notice it – or more accurately, didn’t care. Which would be even more concerning if you weren’t aware of the woman lying injured in the hall behind the door, and Joel, still unmoving and cold to the touch on the other side of the room.

Slowly, not hearing the black man’s cries or distant gunshots from where Tommy probably was taking down the enemies, and not caring about the blood of a stranger covering your jacket and pants, you dropped the pipe and took out your gun again. Then you made your way down the corridor, your eyes locked on the woman who shot at you.

She was groaning in pain, clutching at her stomach. When she noticed you, her hand reached for the pistol which lay discarded next to her, but you quickly lifted your own and aimed at her before she touched it.

“Don’t move,” you murmured, which would sound almost soft if it weren’t for the empty look in your eyes. The woman scanned you up and down, and slowly lifted her hands.

“Who are you?”

“What did you give him?” you asked like you didn’t hear her, coming closer to kick away her gun to the far end of the hall. The woman’s eyes followed the weapon, then shifted to you.

“Do you even know what that man did? What is he guilty of?”

“I know. Now answer the damn question. What did you give–”

The door on your left slammed open and you only had time to turn your head before a heavy body collided with you, pushing you to the wall. Your head hit the bricks with an echoing crack, knocking the breath out of you. A man who surprised you grabbed the material of your jacket and slammed you into the wall again, but you managed to grab his hair and yank it hard, which allowed you to step to the side and away from the point of disadvantage that being trapped against the wall was.

The man – taller than you, with a black eye and without one of the front teeth – was quick to recover, however, and catched the wrist of your hand that held the gun, pushing it to the side when you pulled the trigger. From the corner of your eye you could see the woman you shot curling up and covering her head, then trying to scamper away, but the wound in her stomach was a significant impediment.

You fired again, trying to wrestle the gun from the man, but his grip was strong and after a few seconds of struggle he managed to knock the weapon out of your grasp, sending it flying to where you kicked off the woman’s one earlier.

Not sooner than your hands were empty, his elbow collided with your face, hard, and you cried when a gush of blood started pouring from the broken nose and a cut on your lip. Fear washed over you, and sheer luck caused you to duck to the side in time, avoiding a fist to the temple.

You stumbled backwards a few unstable steps, breathing heavily. The guy was smirking, acting like he already won – but you weren’t about to die in this sleazy, stinky place, leaving Ellie all alone and never knowing why they abducted Joel in the first place.

Joel…

“You’ve made a huge mistake,” said the man quietly, taking one, then two steps forward and swinging again. You backed away a second time, feeling your heart pounding in panic and knowing you didn’t stand a chance against a man of his stature.

Finally your luck ran out, and the man managed to hit you in the jaw, making you taste blood on your tongue. Before you could recover, one of his hands shot forward and grabbed you by the throat, and then, still keeping his big hand on your neck, he brought your entire torso down, slamming you to the ground. You hit your head hard and the glass shards on the floor embedded themselves in your skin, but in the next moment the sound of your painful scream was cut short. The grip the man had on your throat tightened, and you started to have difficulty breathing.

Your eyes budged in fear as realization of what was happening dawned on you, and you started to kick and struggle wildly, reaching for your attacker’s face, but he moved out of reach, still putting his whole weight down on you.

Your fists were hitting his forearms, your nails scratching his cheeks, whatever to make him let go. But he didn’t, his hands still squeezing your throat so strongly and crushing your esophagus.

“After I kill you, I’ll go kill your friend,” your attacker snickered, smiling viciously as he watched ice-cold panic enveloping you. “He’s not worthy of keeping him alive that long, anyway.”

Something ignited inside you at his words.

Joel.

You suddenly remembered the many self-defense lessons Joel had given you, so that whenever he wasn’t there to protect you, you could do it yourself. He was always so afraid for your life…

Slowly and with great effort, your fingers crept down, searching for the handle of your hunting knife, while dark spots started to appear before your vision, partially covering the sneering face of the man crushing your windpipe. He said something else – something you didn’t even hear because of the ringing in your ears…

And then with the last bit of your strength, you yanked the knife out of its sheath and buried the blade in the side of his neck.

Several things happened simultaneously: the man cried in surprise and let you go, the woman shouted a warning – too late – and you swung your leg over him, straddling and stabbing the man over and over again. His neck, his chest, his face, you didn’t even see what you were hitting. Screaming your lungs out and burying the blade in him again, and again, and again.

And again.

With an outraged, desperate cry, the woman lunged at you, but the adrenaline coursing through your system made you not even register something cutting deeply the skin of your arm, your veins and muscles giving way. You spun around, tumbling with her to the ground, but quickly managed to pin her down, blocking her arms in place with your knees, and pressing the tip of your knife to her chest.

She immediately stopped moving.

“Last fucking chance,” you croaked with difficulty, your neck bruised and swollen. “What… did you give him?”

You didn’t know if it was the sight of you, bloodied and wounded, the fact that you just violently killed her friend, or something else entirely – but now the woman looked scared.

“Okay,” she whispered, trying not to breathe too deeply, and glanced nervously at the blade pressed against her skin. “Okay, I’ll tell you, just don’t… It was a tranquilizer. Nothing dangerous, we just put him to sleep for a couple of hours. He was putting up quite a fight and the guys were getting antsy that he’ll pull something off before–”

“He’s not breathing,” you rasped viciously, sputtering blood onto her face. The woman flinched and took a shaky breath.

“His heart rate is slowed down, but it doesn’t– it shouldn’t kill him.”

You clenched your teeth, then exhaled. Inhaled.

You have to take a grip of yourself. He is alive. He has to be…

Should be.

The weight with which you had pinned her to the ground became lighter, and the woman sighed with relief when you removed the sharp end from her chest.

“It shouldn’t… kill him?” you repeated emptily, trying to dismiss the pain in your throat when you were speaking.

“No.”

Your head was still buzzing, but you tried to push it to the side, to focus on what was important right now.

“Why… did you take him?”

And just with that one, quiet question, the woman’s expression changed. You were considering letting her go, since you already hurt her pretty badly, but the sudden shift in her behavior set off alarm bells in your head once more.

“He’s a murderer,” the woman said, as if it was the most obvious answer. “A monster that would do everyone a favor if he got put down.”

White, blinding fury flooded your veins and it felt almost as if electricity was cracking above your skin. Your hand held the knife tighter.

‘Put down’, like… like an animal. She was talking about the man you loved–

You weren’t able to stop the hatred and rage flowing out of every pore of your skin. In one swift motion you plunged the knife into the woman’s chest, making her choke and gasp in surprise.

“You cannot call him that,” you spluttered, barely able to speak from the pain. “You…”

And then your hand forced its way lower down, still holding the handle of your weapon. Cutting through the woman’s – now struggling and screaming in agony – abdomen and guts.

They went so far as to abduct Joel, they took him from you, hurt and shot him, wanted to torture him, to make him suffer before they ultimately kill him…

But they didn’t, he can’t be dead, he can’t–

The woman was conscious the entire time as you were ripping her insides apart, and her screams died down only after you reached the navel.

Your vision was blurry and faltering when you stood up, but your heart was still beating steadily. There was an echo of a scream in your ears, though you couldn’t tell if it was your or the dead woman’s voice.

There wasn’t anyone else in the hallway. In the back of your mind you hoped that Tommy took care of any remaining enemies, because if they’d come running here, you didn’t think you’d be able to hear them in time.

Clutching your injured arm, you slowly made your way to the room where you left Joel and the man who attacked you first. Your gun was lying near the entrance and you picked it up before pushing the door open and staggering inside.

The man wasn’t where you left him. Instead there was a big pool of blood, forming into a wide, smeared path leading further into the lobby. At the end of it you saw him, groaning and crawling to the exit.

You reloaded the gun and walked closer. At the sound, the man turned his head and his eyes widened when he saw you.

“You fucking psycho!” he spat, bracing himself on the elbow of his left arm – the only one still working. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! When she sees it, they’ll come for you, and they’ll make sure that the two of you will fucking pay for it!”

His words were flowing through you as you struggled to keep your vision focused. You felt weird – almost like waking up way too early and finding your body not listening to you entirely.

Then you realized. The hungry, burning anger was gone, the embers of hatred slowly dying out. There was only smoke and emptiness left inside you.

“I don’t care,” you mumbled, not loud enough for the man to hear you, but that didn’t matter – two seconds later he was dead, his brain splattered all over the floor behind him.

Your hand was shaking. Cold crept up your limbs, embracing and almost choking you as you breathed in, out, faster and faster as you finally comprehended what you did.

Your eyes moved down to the man’s indented knee, completely smashed into a bloody mess. The other limb was all wrong, his foot sticking in the opposite direction and no wonder he had to crawl to get away from you, you destroyed his legs, you…

You staggered backwards, your pupils darting to the hallway just for a second before returning to the battered corpse in front of you. The back of his skull was gone now, but how did he stay conscious for so long after you smashed his head with a metal pipe? There was so much blood on it… How much pain he must have felt after you left him?

And that woman… He begged you to leave her alone, and you… you ripped her open…

You moved back, back and further away, before tripping and falling to the floor. Your breaths were fast and shallow, and you reached for your neck, sore and swollen from almost being strangled, trying to will your lungs to work.

They were bad people. They took and hurt Joel, and planned to kill him. You had to kill them, they’d kill you in a heartbeat, they…

It wasn’t like you’ve never taken a life before, but it was the first time that you inflicted pain on somebody on purpose – not in self-defense, but because you wanted to retaliate. It was done in revenge.

You didn’t know for how long you had sat there when you heard someone saying your name. It sounded like… No, it couldn’t have been his voice, he was unconscious, he wasn’t breathing…

Suddenly, Tommy’s face appeared in your blurry field of vision – of course it was him, their voices were so similar, after all – and there was a deep crease between his brows. He looked worried and fearful, and–

“Snap out of it,” he said firmly, shaking your shoulders harder than he should have. Your name fell from his lips when you didn’t answer, and his eyes followed yours to a battered body on the floor. “Look at me. Look at me.” Tommy forcefully turned your chin in his direction, and his eyes were full of sorrow and pain. “You did what you had to do.”

You shook your head, swallowing the tears that streamed down your face. He didn’t know what you did. He didn’t understand what happened here, what happened with you… You yourself didn’t know what happened to you.

Tommy brought you closer to his chest, enveloping you in his strong embrace and the smell of leather and gunpowder. You choked on air, unable to stop the sobs racking your body, and deaf to his words, for the only thing you could hear were cracks of bones, screams of pain, and your own vengeful cries.

It was so loud in your mind that you almost missed a quiet grunt coming from behind you.

*****

Joel slowly opened his eye, then groaned and closed it again. He felt like shit and it was so hard to breathe, but he pushed through the pain and discomfort from the wound in his side, and tried again.

The first thing he saw was the greenish curtain, hiding the rest of the room from him, but judging by the fact that he was lying in bed, alive, with apparently all his wounds dressed, he figured it wasn’t the same place that group of angry youngsters took him to.

Lifting his head and turning it to the other side was a tremendous task, but it was so worth it – because there was you. Sitting in a chair next to him, asleep and with your head lying on folded arms on his bed. Joel smiled softly, but then furrowed his brows as a pang of anxiety shot right through him.

Your face was a mess, with cuts and bruises healing, your brow was split, and one of your forearms had a bandage wrapped around it, now a little dirty around the edges. Joel couldn’t see clearly, but your neck seemed… dark, as if the skin was bruised there, too.

What the hell happened?

He lifted his arm – the tingles and needles pierced his stiff limb – and brushed your cheek lightly, trying to wake you.

“Darlin’...” he murmured, and you stirred. He tried to say it again, louder this time, but his throat was scratchy and he winced at the feeling. There was no need for it, however, because in the next moment your eyes fluttered open and then widened when you took in the sight of him, realizing he’s awake.

“Joel!” Your hands – God, he missed the feeling of them – cupped his face gently, and your eyes filled with tears in the matter of seconds. “Oh my god, baby…”

“Hey, hey, I’m fine,” he breathed out quickly, not wanting to see you cry. “It’s okay, darlin’... I’m here.”

You sobbed with a dazzling smile, your beautiful eyes dancing across his features before you darted forward and pressed your lips to his firmly. Joel could almost taste the desperation and worry in your shaky breaths and tears that fell from your eyes and onto his tongue. He wanted to tangle his fingers in your hair and bring you in closer, but a sudden, sharp pain pierced his arm when he tried to move it, and he hissed into your mouth.

“Sorry,” you whispered and moved away quickly, letting out a broken laugh and brushing the unruly strands of hair away from his forehead. “I’m just so happy you’re okay.”

Joel wanted to ask what exactly had happened while he was out, but before he got a chance, you leaned in again and started softly peppering his face in kisses – first his cheek, then his forehead, then the tip of his nose and his chin. And Joel didn’t have the heart to stop you.

And that’s how Ellie found you both. She gagged when she saw the display of affection, but there was a grin on her face when he looked over at her.

“Gross,” she scrunched her nose. “But I’m glad to see you awake.”

“Yeah, well, I still feel pretty shitty,” he grunted, scanning the kid for any injuries, but she didn’t look any worse for the wear. His eyes strayed to your neck again, and the concern came back double-barreled. “What happened to you, sweetheart? Where–”

“I’ll… go get the doctor.” You stood up abruptly before he could finish, and looked over at Ellie. “Will you stay with him?”

“Yeah. Sure.” The teen shrugged, but now was avoiding Joel’s eyes, and he felt more uneasy and agitated by the second.

“Okay. Be right back, love. Gonna grab you some water, too.” You squeezed his hand and smiled. Joel’s eyes escorted you, and when he made sure you were out of the earshot, he turned to Ellie.

“What happened?”

“Well.” The teen blew out her cheeks and went to take a seat you previously occupied. “You were attacked during the patrol…”

“Yeah, no, that I remember,” Joel interrupted quietly. “They shot me, took me to that ski resort. But how am I here? Did she…”

He trailed off. Ellie looked at the curtain you disappeared behind, then back at Joel. “Listen, I wasn’t there, so m’not sure,” she mumbled quietly. “But after she and Tommy got you out, she was sorta… different.”

“Different how?” he asked sharply. Ellie bit the inside of her cheek, looking away. “Ellie.”

“I don’t know, okay?” she answered in a sudden burst. “She looked like hell. You saw her neck, I think someone tried to choke her, and she had an ugly cut on her leg, a fuckton of cuts and bruises… And the doctor spent hours getting all the glass shards out of her.”

Joel got up as much as he could, feeling a pit of anxiety rising in his chest. Ellie was silent for a while before she spoke again, this time surprisingly softly.

“Remember when you beat the shit out of that soldier when we were escaping QZ in Boston?” Joel nodded slightly – she did, too. “Yeah. She had a similar… kind of look on her face, and it looked… not exactly scary, but alien.” The teen looked up. “My guess is she did some fucked up shit to get to you. Tommy said she’s been having real bad nightmares since then, but he doesn’t want to tell me–”

Ellie snapped her mouth shut at the sound of footsteps, and a few seconds later you emerged from behind the curtain. You had a tall glass of water in your hand and a small, hopeful smile that grew when your eyes fell on Joel’s face.

“I know you’d probably prefer something stronger, but water will do you good,” you said, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they were just talking about you. Joel watched as you carefully sat down at the edge of his bed and put down the glass onto the table to his side. “One of the nurses will come here in a couple of minutes. You were unconscious for a couple of days so they want to make sure everything is okay.”

“I told you I’m fine, darlin’...”

“Please.” You gently took his hand in both of yours, staring at him with concern. “For me?”

Joel looked you over, his eyes lingering on your bruised neck and the bandage around your thigh which he didn’t notice before. Then he glanced at Ellie with worry, not knowing how to approach this problem or ask what exactly happened to you.

Your eyes were a little red and puffy, and he briefly thought about what the kid said: that you have had terrible nightmares, that apparently you went through some sort of hell to save him. It seemed that whatever you had done, it took its heavy toll on you. And he couldn’t bear it.

Joel hated the thought of you risking your life for him, of the experience branding you so deeply that you lost sleep because of it.

Because of him.

The only thing he could do right now was to be there for you. And maybe – just maybe, if he tried hard enough – to do something about those of your scars that he couldn’t see.

He lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it, keeping his eyes on yours the entire time.

“Okay,” came his soft answer, to which you smiled with relief. “Whatever you wish, darlin’.”

No snarky remark, no groaning or muttering could be heard from Ellie, and that worried Joel much more than he’d ever admit. He exchanged a worried look with her while you were distracted, drawing patterns on the back of his hand with tender fingers.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he heard you say quietly, though it was unclear whether you were talking to him or yourself.

Either way, Joel squeezed your hand tighter, now feeling oddly afraid of letting go.

“Yes, darlin’,” he confirmed in a soothing manner. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

#joel miller x reader #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller x you #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller angst #joel tlou #tlou hbo #btw i tried to do some research on tranquilizers and anesthesia drugs but i didn't find anything clear so. everything you read is made up #i could have wrote it better but.. eh #it was challenging enough and i can't believe i've spent almost a month on it

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