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enkas-illusion · 5 months

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One of Your Guys

One of Your Guys - Part 1/3

Fandom / Pairing: Jujutsu Kaisen / Choso x f!reader

Rating: NSFW/Explicit - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Content Warning: Fluff, kissing, language, hurt/comfort, slight make out

Chapter Summary: You rant to your friend Choso about your crush and things take an unexpected turn when he confesses something that catches you off guard.

Author's Note: Hello, this is my first attempt at a short story. All characters are in their mid 20s. This is a pure cheesy, sappy, in-your-feelings vibe condensed into a 3-part story. If you enjoy it, feel free to like, reblog or comment; I’d love to know your thoughts. Thank you for reading!

~ Eren's Birdie

Song Dedication: One Of Your Girls by Troye Sivan

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“I really hate to be that person but… I told you so.”

You look at your friend with narrowed eyes, fighting the urge to roll them at him. If you knew you were in for a talking-to when you called Choso over to rant about the shit-show that you call your love life, you would’ve reconsidered it.

His face shows no sympathy for his poor heartbroken friend as he leans against your kitchen counter with his hands crossed at his chest. And rightly so, why would he anyway? Afterall, he’d told you to confess your feelings to your crush before it was too late and now here you are, admitting that ‘too late’ had arrived sooner than you’d expected.

“I know but I was scared of ruining our friendship, okay?” You sigh as your shoulders slump down. He simply shrugs at you as he walks towards the microwave when it beeps. His back is turned to you and a few seconds pass as you observe him following the usual routine.

You wonder whether making hot chocolate can be fixed into one's muscle memory. In that moment, you believe it might as well be the case for Choso as he takes the hot milk out, pulling the spoon out of the drawer while simultaneously grabbing the cocoa container from the shelf above him.

You want to laugh at how ridiculous it all seems. It’s not just the ritual of making hot chocolate, but the ranting sessions along with it that have turned into a daily occurance. How many times have you made your poor friend listen to you crib about your unrequited, unnoticed love for your best friend, Satoru?

In your defence, Choso was the one who’d initially annoyed you to death to get the info out of you. The genius that he is, Choso had figured out that you liked Satoru based on the way you interacted with the latter at a common friend’s house party. If someone were to ask Choso, he would tell them that your eyes would quite literally turn into heart shapes whenever Satoru talked to you.

“I’m sure you’d understand how I’m feeling if you were in my shoes.” you add as he stirs the spoon in the mug. He stills for a split second before continuing the movement.

“Chosoooo say somethin-” you trail off when he turns around to look at you as if he’s fed up with your bullshit.

He walks towards you and hands you one of the mugs before making his way to the living room. You mutter a small ‘thank you’ as you follow behind him. When you’re settled on the sofa, you sit with your legs folded on the seat to face him as he leans back on the opposite end.

As he takes a few sips of his hot chocolate, he can see your brain working overtime to come up with a summary to explain all that you’re currently feeling. He almost finds your struggle to speak up adorable, when usually you always have 10 things to say and then some more.

“Fine, tell me exactly what he said.” Choso breaks the silence to give you an opening.

Your eyes soften with relief at his statement as you take a sip from your mug, “So… yesterday Satoru had invited me to a common friend’s house party but I had declined since I wanted to sleep the weekend away. And when I woke up in the morning, I opened Instagram to scroll a bit as usual and saw Satoru had added to his close friends’ story. I figured it’d be the usual party snaps… I was already feeling the fomo of not going so I clicked on it right away… and what do you know??? THE FIRST FUCKING PHOTO is of this pretty girl on his lap and he’s kissing her cheek. I swear it felt like my heart had dropped to my stomach.” you pause to take a few sips.

“Wait so based on a single snap, you assumed he’s dating her?” Choso frowns, visibly confused.

“No, of course not! Since Satoru often does get touchy like that with me as well, I did not want to assume so I replied to the story. I said something on the lines of ‘congrats on getting the girl big man, don’t forget about me though ahahaha.’”

This time you pause to observe Choso’s expressions and he’s visibly cringing hard. “Don’t say it… I’m aware how pathetic it is.” you pout as you fidget with a thread that’s sticking out of the sofa pillow.

Choso swats your hand away to stop your fidgeting before he gently squeezes one of your feet with his free hand that isn’t holding his mug. “Poor baby,” he teases as he rubs circles over your skin, “Go on, I promise I won’t tease you.”

“Well, he read that within seconds and I got a call from him. He sounded a bit reserved at first as he broke the news to me… apparently, they’d been talking to each other for about a month… I had no idea,” you take a deep breath as it pains you to say the next sentence, “Last night, Satoru kissed her and confessed his feelings. Turns out she feels the same way for him so now they’re together. I said congratulations and cut the call… he sounded so happy.”

You turn your face to avoid Choso’s gaze, trying hard not to let the tears slip from your eyes. He moves closer to you as he places both of your mugs on the coffee table. He pulls you by your wrists, guiding your arms around his waist as his own wrap around your shoulders. As your face rests on his chest, you start sobbing silently.

“Shhh, it’s okay, it’ll pass.” he tries to console you, brushing his fingers through your hair.

“What if I don’t want it to pass? I should be happy that the man I consider to be my best friend has found such a perfect girl for himself, but here I am, wishing it were me instead. Am I a bad friend for feeling that way?” you look up at him, still teary eyed.

“No, you’re not a bad friend. Your emotions are all over the place because something unexpected has happened. You weren’t anticipating this so you’re hurt and it’s okay to feel sad. You’re here crying in front of me instead of trying to sabotage his relationship or whatever… that is proof enough that you’d rather deal with the hurt than hurt other people.” you sigh as you listen to your friend’s soothing words.

You rest your head on his shoulder as you close your eyes. Choso rubs your back gently before adding, “You’d only be a bad friend if you refuse to wipe your tears and snot off my t-shirt later. I’m not even kidding, I want this shit washed with that soft fabric conditioner you have, all crisp and ironed to perfection!”

You slap him where your hands were resting on his lower back, causing him to let out a tiny wail. It causes you to laugh for the first time after having been sad all day long.

Choso moves away, breaking the hug to create some space between as he hands your not-so-hot chocolate back to you. His knuckles rub your cheek to wipe the wet trail that had been left behind by your tears. He opens the palm of his hand to rest it against your cheek gently.

“I know you may not feel like it now, but you’re going to be fine.” he smiles as he reassures you.

You place your hand on top of his as you lean further into his touch, finding it a little too comforting. In an attempt to take the focus away from your problems, you ask him, “Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back?”

“Hmm…you.” he nods. You smack his hand away as you sit up straight.

“Choso! Be serious! You never tell me anything about your love life! You’re always joking around.” you complain.

“That’s because there’s nothing there to tell! I tell you about all the other aspects of my life cause they’re much more entertaining than my love life.” he answers with a tone of sincerity. You pout, not convinced.

He rolls his eyes at your persistence and adds, “Well what do you want to hear about? Would you rather have me talk about all the Tinder dates I fuck and never see again?”

You scrunch your face at the crudeness of his words, “Nope.”

“My point exactly… anyway do you want to watch something?” he asks as he grabs the remote. You nod as you both gulp down the remaining of your drinks. You get up and take the mugs to the kitchen to wash them while Choso scrolls away on Netflix.

When you return to sit next to him, his arm grabs your waist to pull you in closer to cuddle as he presses play. You rest your head on his shoulder as it begins. When you realise what he’s playing, you tilt your head up to look at him. “Really? Bridgerton?”

“Yeah… and season 2 cause it’s the better one. We literally have the whole evening to binge” he states, unprovoked by your almost condescending tone. You decide not to tease him about it.

Before you realise it, hours pass by and you’ve binged half of the show. As the characters were introduced, Choso filled you in on the details and it almost felt like you hadn’t missed season 1 at all. There was additional unnecessary commentary that came along with his explanation of plot points, but you weren’t complaining.

Spending time with your friend like this, where the heartache you felt this morning seemed dull in comparison to laughing at his lame jokes, is exactly what you needed to relax. You let the chatter in your brain melt away and instead focus your awareness on the present moment – a task that had almost felt impossible before you’d asked Choso to come over in the afternoon.

Cuddling so close to him, you notice the smell of his perfume is a lot stronger. You breathe in his scent, a smoky wooden smell with just a tiny hint of something sweet to it. It’s a distinctly familiar scent you’ve grown accustomed to ever since the two of you began cuddling together during your frequent movie nights. The dynamic you shared with Choso was similar to your relationship with Satoru, minus the romantic feelings you had for the latter.

Choso’s right arm rested around your waist while the other rubbed lazy circles on your knee, whereas your right hand was resting on his chest with your torso leaning into his side. And while there was an unspoken agreement that even cuddling with Choso was platonic; your flatmate, Mia, was certain that it was only a matter of time before something would happen between the two of you.

You’re grateful she’s not at home for the weekend to tease you about tonight. If she saw the two of you right now, the teasing you’d have to endure would be insufferable. You smile to yourself when you think about it.

When you get to the scene where Anthony goes feral over Kate’s scent, you joke about how you feel the same way about Choso’s perfume.

“You like my perfume?” he asks, surprised, making sure he heard you right.

“Always have.” you admit, “I know it’s oud, but what’s the sweet floral scent with it?”

“Jasmine.”

“Oh… I like it. It’s perfect, not too sweet, not too harsh.” you say, trying not to be too obvious as you try to sniff at his t-shirt. Before you get a chance to do so, he leans back and shifts his torso to lean in closer to your neck instead.

“Are you wearing any right now? I never really noticed your scent.” he speaks softly and you can feel his breath on the side of your neck. You pull back instantly, feeling flustered and hot. You blink a few times before you shake your head side to side. He chuckles as he goes back to his original position, his focus shifting back to the TV.

Is he seriously oblivious to how close you two just were or does it simply not faze him at all?

You mentally slap yourself for misinterpreting his seemingly innocent actions. He leans back comfortably with one hand on top of the headrest and you shift back into his embrace. A few minutes pass before his hand behind you moves closer to caress your neck, you feel goosebumps rise on your lower spine as you move away from his touch.

“What?” he asks, confused.

Either this man is an idiot, or he’s fucking with you to rile you up.

He pauses the show to hear what you have to say. “Don’t do that. It feels… ticklish.” you choose your words wisely.

“Well, it wasn’t my intent- aww, are you ticklish?” he inquires mischievously as he raises an eyebrow. Before you can answer, he grabs one of your feet as he roughly yanks it, making your back fall flat on the sofa. You let out a shriek as he moves on top of you and cages you between his arms, ready to tickle you.

You start yelling at him to stop, laughing hysterically as he tickles you. You try pushing him away but fail to do so as his muscular figure leans even closer to yours. You have tears in your eyes from laughing and after a while, you’re basically begging him to stop.

When he finally stops, he looks at you with a smug smile of victory on his face as your laughter slowly dies down. There’s a moment of silence when your eyes meet and you get a strange feeling in your stomach. Maybe butterflies, but possibly anxiety for what your instinct tells you is about to happen.

You notice Choso’s gaze move down to your lips and you mimic him. He involuntarily licks his lips as your breath hitches in your chest. He lowers his head till your faces are just inches away from each other and he gently nudges your nose with his.

His left hand moves up to the side of your neck and he caresses your jaw with his thumb. You lift your head up at the same time when he leans down and your lips meet. His lips feel plump and wet as you close your eyes.

Who kissed who first? You wonder but all of your thoughts keep getting lost before they have a chance to rise to the surface. The only thing occupying your mind is the way his lips feel on yours, your skin burning where he’s touching you.

His right hand grips your hip to push it down further into the cushions of the sofa. His hand on your neck moves down to your throat as he chokes you slightly, as if to test the waters. He smiles into the kiss when he hears you moan.

He takes the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. The way his tongue moves has you entranced. His movements feel languid, yet they contain enough force to convey an intense passion.

Your hands move of their own accord as they make their way to hug his shoulders. He breaks the kiss as his lips leave a trail of quick pecks down your neck. Your head tilts back to give him better access. He sucks on the spot just below your ear and your palms bundle up his t-shirt, creasing the fabric.

You moan louder than you’d intended to when he bites the spot and his fingers dig into the meat of your thigh. You feel the heat rise to your cheeks as he licks a strip up along the front of your neck. He hooks your leg that he’s holding around his lower back and presses his hips down to grind against yours.

“Fuck… Choso-,” you say, out of breath. You can feel how hard he is through his sweatpants. He lifts his head up and his hair is all messed up, the smaller strands have escaped the bounds of his hair tie and frame his face in a way you can only describe as delicious. He kisses you on the mouth once again and you have to close your eyes shut to regain your composure.

As much as you don’t want him to stop, you know better than to let the situation escalate even further. Your hands move to his chest and you firmly place them there but don’t push him away.

Fuck. About time you tell him to stop.

You move your head to the side as you try speaking softly, “Chos-”, but he grabs your face to turn it back to him and bites your lower lip, continuing the kiss. You’re pretty sure he can feel your wetness as he grinds his hips, pressing against you. You groan at how good it feels.

You kiss him back, pulling him impossibly closer by his t-shirt. He pulls your bottom lip with his teeth again before releasing it. “Fuck… baby, you feel so good,” he groans as his hand pulls your t-shirt down and his face moves to your collarbone to leave another hickey.

“Ahhh… Choso, please,” you moan at his touch. He comes back up again as he stares down at your neck, proud of the light mark he knows is going to turn dark purple later. He kisses you on the lips once again.

Before your desire wins over the rational part of your brain, you press your hands firmly to his chest. He leans back a bit as he understands what you mean. He reluctantly moves away from your face but his hands still hold you in place. His eyes look hazy and full of lust. By the way he looks at you, you’re certain yours don’t look any different either.

So much for not wanting to fuck up another friendship.

“We can’t...” you mumble, but clear your throat to speak up clearly, “Choso, we can’t do this.”

“Why not?” he retorts softly, his thumb moving across your bottom lip. You sigh as you grab his wrist to remove his hand. He moves his hand through his hair to push back the stray strands as he sits back up to create space between you two.

For a split-second, you find yourself missing his warmth before you sit up straight to look at him. You envelop his hand into yours and you hold it like that as he waits for you to speak up.

“This feels strange… I don’t want to make you feel as if I’m just using your body to get over Satoru. It already feels like I’m gonna lose him as my best friend, I don’t want to lose you too…” you trail off as you lower your head with shame.

“What if I didn't mind you using me to get over your stupid crush?” he replies. It was the last thing you’d expected him to say. Your eyes widen in surprise as you look up at him.

“I think it’s pretty evident that I have a thing for you,” he continues as he looks down at his crotch. Your eyes follow his and you can see the imprint of his hard on over his sweatpants. You look away quickly, not wanting to ogle at the sight.

“It’s just your dick talking…” you almost whisper, not wanting him to hear your accusatory tone. He pulls his hand out of your grasp before running his fingers through his hair once again in frustration.

You know you hit a nerve when he groans slightly as he speaks up, “Far from it… I’ve liked you for a while now. But you’re so blinded by your crush for that blue-eyed snowflake fuck that you can’t see anyone else. Least someone who can treat you far better than he does. Anyone can tell that you have a crush on him… Satoru knows, your eyes tell, he just conveniently ignores it. I’m not sure why you’re so crazy over him but it hurts me more than I'd like to admit when all you care about is Satoru this, Satoru that. Fuck Satoru! What the fuck is it going to take for you to finally see me?”

You’re speechless. Your brain feels like it has stopped computing altogether.

What the fuck?

Even if you want to say something, you fall short of the right words. Your lips part to speak but close again. Choso notices this and his jaw tightens. He mumbles a ‘be right back’ as he gets up abruptly and makes his way towards the washroom.

You’re still sitting in your place when he returns after a few minutes. The edge of his hairline is wet but he’s dried his face. As if washing his face had washed away his agitated state of mind, he looks more composed now.

“Choso..” you get up quickly and walk to him.

“It’s getting late, I better leave. I’m sorry.” he interrupts you. He turns away from you and walks towards the apartment door. You follow behind him quickly as you call out his name again. He knows how much you hate leaving things hanging in a limbo till the next meeting.

He turns around and cups your face with both his hands. They’re cold now. His eyes meet yours as he speaks, “It’s okay… I shouldn’t have sprung that on you like that. You’re going through your own shit. I shouldn’t add more onto it.”

He smiles and leans down to kiss your forehead. You try speaking up but he interrupts you once again. He does not want to give you an opening. He wants to leave things in a limbo tonight. He wants to remember the way your lips felt and not let it be overshadowed by your rejection that came after.

“We’re okay,” he presses and you know he’s not going to listen to you tonight. “Goodnight.”

You put your hands on top of his to hold them in place when you sense him pulling them away. He moves them away regardless and instead squeezes both of your hands. His touch feels so different from how it was just a few minutes ago and you want to cry.

You can’t help but feel as if you’ve ruined your friendship and you feel him slipping away. Maybe you’re being a bit dramatic but he’s being so formal and indifferent that it almost makes you feel sick.

“Hey,” he stops your train of thought, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

No, please stay. You want to say but you don’t dare to. You can’t… not with everything that just happened.

“Goodnight.” you force a smile at him and he squeezes your hands once more before leaving.

You stand there, staring at your closed door for a good few minutes before you turn the TV off completely and retire to your bedroom. Every single scenario and all the endless outcomes play in your head but above everything else, Choso’s confession of his feelings for you plays in your head on loop like a broken record.

You’re still unsure of how you feel about it as you fall asleep an hour later, still thinking about him. You hope in desperation that come morning, you’ll be wiser at deciphering the mess of your emotions a bit better.

MDNI banner: @benkeibear

#erensbirdie #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsukaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen choso #choso kamo #choso x reader #jjk choso #choso #choso smut #choso x you #choso jjk #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

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eusion · 6 months

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⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪&team hyung line taking care of u while ur drunk ⌒☆

pairing ⌒☆ &team hyung line x reader

word count ⌒☆ 1.5k

note ⌒☆ i got carried away at the end. very fun to write.,. my thoughts are consuming me.

k ⌒☆

"u should come! everyone is here!" k says loudly over the phone, clearly drunk. it was only 9pm, way too early to be this intoxicated, but u decided to go stop by since u have major fomo. once u get to the bar, k can spot u from a mile away. u watch as he politely shoves past bodies to make his way towards u, the biggest smile always plastered onto his lips as he repeatedly calls out ur name. once he reaches u, ur hands lock together & ur now following diligently behind the tall man to his table with ur friends.

from the moment he ended the call with u he decided to stop drinking for the night. one thing about k is that he gets sober very quick. after an hour, his vision begins to be less blurry. hes now in observation mode, watching as u start downing drinks & being more loose with ur friends. he always gives u a call u in times like this & whenever u do stop by to have a few shots 'with' him, it never fails to make him the happiest man in the world. however, u always wonder why he never drinks when u visit & why hes the only sober one at the end of the night...

"i can take her home" u hear through the loud music & ringing of ur ears. there is a large chorus of drunken agreements, cups clanking against each other afterwards. u look up through ur eyelashes from ur seat, k standing above u with his hand held out, a small smile painted onto his face. hes holding the jacket u left on ur chair along with the bag u tossed onto the floor earlier. u lazily get up, grabbing onto his wrist before standing up & waving ur goodbyes to ur friends. the walk to the car was mainly silent, carefully guiding u into the passengers side while making sure u dont hit ur head on the roof. "thank u for taking me home... again..." u mumble with ur eyes shut, ur favorite music playing in the car. he hums in response, "its no problem at all. id do it anytime". suddenly u begin to understand why hes always sober by midnight.

fuma ⌒☆

he offers to accompany u on ur late night endeavors with friends & u agree since its been a while since u two have been out together for a nice drink. however, fuma knows that every time he goes out with u for a 'drink', he ends up becoming the dd. he never really minds it since hes content being the one that keeps u safe and sound at the end of the night. knowing that ur in good hands is enough to keep him satisfied.

watching as u down shot after shot, he takes notice of how red ur cheeks gradually get, how much u sway back and forth after a shot & how clingy u become, ur fingers poking at his cheek every few minutes. he shakes his head and sighs in endearment as he watches u become more extroverted compared to the beginning of the night. a few more shots in, ur head is fully planted against his shoulder, hands limp and eyes half closed. sometimes a small mumble comes from ur lips, and although he has no idea what ur saying each time, he will always respond with a reassuring "i know".

"time to go?" he whispers into ur ear, face right next to urs. this is his fifth time saying it this night & each time u manage fight back with some sort of disagreement. as ur rebuttals start to become weaker, his body becomes crouched down in front of u ready to lend u his back for a small ride. on the nights u cant seem to bring urself to get up, he has no problem picking u up bridal style & carry u to his car. small protests can be heard from u as u get carried out of the establishment and into the vehicle. "i know, i know..." he says again in response, gently placing u in the passengers seat & carefully buckling u in before placing his jacket over ur lap.

nicholas ⌒☆

as u take ur seventh vodka shot of the night, u immediately regret it once it starts tunneling down ur throat. u slam the glass on the table, tapping out immediately after saying that was ur last shot of the night. u get up & wobble ur way over to any open spot on the sofa, plopping cozily between two random people & casually sparking up conversation with anyone in the vicinity. u spot ur friend prancing over to u with a wine cooler in their hand, crouching down and feeding it to u like it was water.

"is she okay?" ur eyes dart around, eyes locking onto a man with a mullet talking to the random beside u. the stranger shrugs in response to his question. hes now staring at u, a grin pulling at his lips as he makes his way over to u after he sees that ur now conscious. "now that ur up, take this" he hands u another shot that he just happened to have on hand, his grin turning into something u recognize as evil almost. u groan in response, feeling the vodka from earlier starting to come up from the thought of u drinking any more. ur eyebrows furrow once u hear him starting to laugh, his head cocking to the side in a taunting way. "poor baby cant take another? ive seen u take more, dont stop now".

u regret yet another shot, hovering over the toilet with ur hair pushed back. u were extremely competitive and never backed down from a challenge. the way the man teased u in that moment made ur blood shoot up straight into ur head. u stood up so quick that u almost toppled over right in front of him. luckily, u didnt make a complete fool of urself, his quick instincts saving u as he held u up with his free hand placed on the small of ur back. all u could do was shoot him a glare, bringing his wrist up to ur face and sipping the drink straight from the hand that was equipped with the glass. u suddenly remembered his name after taking that shot. "done for the night?" nicholas questions from behind u, ur hair gathered gently in one of his palms, the other free hand rubbing ur back. u give him a weak nod followed by a thumbs up & a small chuckle was given in response. "ill be here all night, dont worry"

euijoo ⌒☆

"hes kinda cute" u say absentmindedly, staring at the tall man with the plum hair that was a few steps away. u watched him for the majority of the night, admiring how his eyes lit up during conversations & how wide his smile gets when his friends start cracking jokes. ur friend gives u a small nudge at ur side before passing u a shot. "hes in ur department, doesnt hurt to go say hi" u immediately nod & take the shot for the courage, standing right up before immediately sitting back down. u cant bring ur legs to work in this situation. maybe u need more to drink? "pour me a couple more, then ill go up"

u havent moved at all from ur seat on the couch. ur jacket came off, ur head is in the crook of ur elbow and ur six shots deep. ur friends teasingly remark after each shot how u havent had the courage to get up to talk to the man. what was so difficult about this one? ur thought was rudely interrupted by loud cheers coming from the kitchen, head darting up to look around to see what the commotion was about. "looks like ur man lost rage cage..." ur eyes slowly start to widen as u begin to realize what that meant, watching as he hesitantly started to pick up the bitch cup from the center of the table. he did not want to drink whatever terrible concoction it was, his face being the most dissatisfied uve seen all night. ur legs start moving on their own & within a couple of seconds ur posted up right in front of him, calmly grabbing the cup and downing it.

the rest of the night was a complete blur. the last thing u remember was seeing his face right in front of urs, a look of real concern painted on his features, but all u could notice was how his eyes lit up the same way from before. now ur passed out in a random room, blanket covering ur body, a tall glass of water and a plastic bag right beside u. ur eyes slowly start to open, rolling over to check ur phone for the time; 9am. surprisingly, u feel alright even after that night. u sit up, groaning as u begin to stretch ur arms above ur head. u look around and see ur false eyelashes gently placed on a napkin with a few scribbles on it. "thank u for saving me... i hope u feel ok later. wake me up if u need anything - euijoo" read the napkin. u quickly look down from the bed and find that same plum haired boy sleeping calmly on the floor with a few used makeup wipes in his hand.

#andteam #andteam scenarios #&team #&team nicholas #&team fuma #&team k #&team euijoo #&team x reader #&team imagines #&team fluff #&team scenarios #i did not proofread this #just thinking

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lover-of-mine · 9 days

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Okay, I have been desperately trying to figure out what the blue and yellow means, right? I have been driving myself crazy.

And the other day I saw an edit and I was like "I'm stupid, I'm looking in the wrong place" but I didn't have the time to check this theory until earlier today, and now I'm losing my mind. So for this one, I'm gonna use the fact that they are using the sun on a wall and that they completed the blue and green with Buck and Eddie at the gym scene with the bottle and the towel to assume I am right, and they complete these things with other elements of the scene, wall, decoration, everything.

Okay, so, when tracking the blue and green thing so I could make this post, I kept wondering why there aren't a lot of Henren examples of it, this season has given us a few more examples, but I'm pretty sure there are only these 2 examples before season 7. But like, I didn't think much of it even though I didn't understand why.

But Anna, I thought this was about the blue and yellow, why you talking about the blue and green? Well, I think the blue and yellow is the blue and green for queer couples. Stay with me, I promise I have enough proof to create a reasonable doubt lol.

Okay, so, the other day I saw a henren edit that had their first date and I already had the yellow behind Eddie in my mind and was like, that's interesting, their first date is blue and yellow. So I had that in my head.

Then, someone is making a Karen in every episode series, and I saw a set of her in yellow and was like "wait, I need to stop looking for answers in the straight couples, buddie is a queer couple, I need to see if this is a pattern that has already been established for the other queer couple, do henren have different rules?" and yes, I think they do.

Going back to the blue and green thing for a second, the easiest couple to track the blue and green is madney. Every couple has worn blue and green, but they have been blue and green since their first scene. And while they do wear blue and green for inconsequential scenes, they are in blue and green for things like getting back together in season 6, finding out Jee is a girl, the date after Doug, the hospital after Doug, the whole Boston episode is blue and green in nature, I talk about that in more detail in my blue and green meta if you're interested.

So, assuming they are establishing the blue and yellow with henren in the same way they do the blue and green with madney, blue and yellow in important henren scenes sounded like a nice bet since the blue and yellow is present on their first date, right? And the same way Boston is inherently blue and green, tomorrow is very blue and yellow.

But you don't really think I'm telling you I established a pattern with only one episode, right? Using other elements of the scene, considering the way they are using the sun a lot with buddie, I have quite a few examples, going back down to when they accept that the IVF didn't work and that they'll be okay. I also really like the way the club in fomo is lit in blue and yellow.

But Anna, you are using the wall a lot. Yes, I am using the wall a lot. Why am I using the wall a lot? You know how madney is the guide for the blue and green? Their house is blue and green. Like decorations and stuff. Mostly the kitchen, but still. The detailing there, the pans, the blue chairs, the blue couch. Even Jee's room is greenish.

So, henren's house being yellow works, I think.

Another point towards that is the way that Buck's bi awakening is blue and yellow.

So, I'm gonna go insane and say the blue and yellow thing is the blue and green thing but queer.

But, looking at that and knowing that we are using other elements of the scene, buddie gets interesting. The earliest example I can find with henren is in 3x04 when they are discussing the IVF.

So I'm not gonna look before that BUT let's look after just for fun? So, I talked about the blue and green aspects of the grocery store scene, it's is also yellow, mostly behind Buck, there are yellow flowers on that bouquet next to Eddie. This one is a real stretch tho, I will admit that lol

Is this one a stretch? Maybe, less of a stretch than the grocery store tho.

I like this one, the summer camp scene with this interpretation. And the blue chair, and the building back there.

This one, I need to add this because of the oven and the light behind Eddie, but I admit, it's a stretch, but everything here is a stretch so lol

Poker date tho? We're getting closer lol even more when they are getting their winnings and Buck takes the red jacket off.

Also, the beer, they usually drink the genuine beer, that's yellow, and the coming out scene had a blue labeled beer.

BUT my question is actually about the will reveal. Because this scene is undoubtedly blue and yellow.

So, if I'm right, what does this mean for this scene? Because this scene looks like a love confession, sounds like a love confession, AND was talked about as Eddie saying he loves Buck to the core. I have many questions now. But I will accept this so I can stop thinking about it.

Anyway, this is my current theory on the blue and yellow.

As always, if you read this, I love you 💜

#911 meta #911 #buddie thoughts #buddie #do i sound as crazy as i think? aoksapskpalspals #anyway #here #911 spoilers #sorta

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unbidden-yidden · 8 months

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Hey fellow yidden: some motivation for you this Elul

So maybe this year you've done some backsliding on some mitzvot. So maybe you haven't davened as much as you would like. Maybe you missed opportunities to go to things in community because you just couldn't motivate yourself. Or perhaps there were things that you struggled to do individually.

Perhaps the reason that you missed opportunities for mitzvot is because you were afraid of missing out on something else.

Well, as a traditional egalitarian Jew who tries but has ADHD, depression, lots of executive dysfunction, a demanding job, relationships to maintain, and 900 hobbies, I feel you.

But fear not! I have two suggestions for ways to help you seek out mitzvot in every area of your life.

Suggestion the first: Weaponize the FOMO

At least for me, I'm always worried that if I daven as much as I would like to (as one example) I am going to miss out on [x] other thing. However, instead, sit yourself down and consider what one mitzvah you want to prioritize. Then, imagine never being able to do it again.

My friend, that day will come.

Mitzvot are for the living. A Jew being buried in their tallit has the tzitzit trimmed off first. Why? Because mitzvot are the project of the living and all we can know for sure about death is that it will come for all of us, eventually. If you believe in an afterlife, your deeds - good or bad - will accompany your soul on your way home. And you will be comforted and bask in the mitzvot you performed. And if you don't believe in an afterlife? Well, this is your one shot, and whatever deeds you leave behind is all that will be left of you someday.

Better wear those tzitzit now, then.

Suggestion the second:

Look for the kedusha in literally everything.

One of the truly amazing things about Judaism is that every moment, no matter how mundane, is full of opportunities to engage in mitzvot. Whether it's saying Asher Yatzar after using the restroom, washing your hands before meals, saying brachot before eating food, wearing certain clothing (tzniut, no shatnez, ritually significant like a kippah, etc.), being kind to animals (even insects), honoring your parents, visiting a sick or recovering friend, compromising with your spouse for shalom bayit, giving money to the poor, or simply reaching out to a friend who might be sad, lonely, and struggling - there are daily opportunities to connect and to infuse every moment of your life with holiness.

Judaism is so much about how we treat each other, our world, our bodies, and our communities, and these in turn are what help us to understand how to treat our souls and our relationship to the Divine. Judaism is about relationships. And the opportunities don't require you to go to shul, or don tefillin, wait for the high holidays, or give extravagantly. (Although those things are great if you want to do them, too!)

By design, the mitzvot are meant to allow you to connect with Judaism, with yourself, your world, and Hashem at every turn, simply by living your life. It's honestly a very old form of mindfulness, long before that was a buzzword.

So, weaponize that FOMO in one breath, knowing this is the only life we have, and in the next breath, really open your eyes to the opportunities that already surround you in every facet of your life. They are there if you look, and you will never miss out if you keep on looking.

#elul #elulposting #jumblr #every hour is theology hour around here apparently

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w1ldthoughts · 4 months

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Dad and Mini’s Weekend

Anon Requested! One more little treat before I go back to school tomorrow😅

Disclaimer: this is a work of FICTION, the characters are fictionalized versions of real life situations and real people. It’s all based on my imagination.

Masterlist

You were grateful to have a job that was flexible. Before you had Remi, you were in the office probably 3-4 days a week and could work from home the rest of the time which allowed you to travel to away games and support Justin as much as possible, while still having a career of your own. Now that you had a daughter to think about, things were different. You were different. But that doesn’t mean that the work doesn’t stop. So when you had to leave town for a weekend work conference in Chicago, you thanked your lucky stars that it was the offseason.

“Do you need help packing? You know I have a little experience with it.” Justin smiles, looking down at your suitcase. He really was an expert, packing all three of your bags whenever you went on vacation. It was the most efficient folding job you’d ever seen. The man grabbed all of your essentials, easily placing them in their rightful places and zipping it up without breaking a sweat. His tidiness and attention to detail had become even more attractive since you became parents, it really came in handy.

“Are you sure the two of you are gonna be okay? I mean I can call—”

He waves you off. “We’re gonna be fine! She already has a plan for everything we’re gonna do. I just need to follow it. She did say I could come up with stuff to do on Monday though so I have some fun things planned.”

“Trust me, I’ve heard all about these plans,” you sigh, looking at your suitcase. “Remi barely said goodbye to me this morning. She was so busy telling me about how fun this weekend is going to be. Giving me FOMO.”

He grabs your bags and heads downstairs with you to put them in the car. “Please, you’re going to work for a couple hours and sightsee the rest of the time. But seriously, go enjoy yourself. You deserve a little break, she’s cute but I’m convinced she’s got a battery pack attached to her. She’s never tired.”

“I know,” you pat him on the back and give him a kiss. “And hasn’t taken a nap in weeks, so good luck with that. I’ll see you on Monday afternoon. Love you.”

“Love you too baby. See you on Monday but we’ll probably call you tonight before bed, I’m sure she’ll be missing you already.” He closes your car door and gives you one last peck before heading inside.

“Daddy, can I have some choclate milk?” Remi asks, sitting in her chair at the kitchen counter.

“What’s the magic word?” He says, waiting for her to understand what he was getting at.

“Oh…please!”

He nods and grabs her pink sippy cup, filling it up and handing it to her after she says “thank you.”

The duo sits on the couch in the living room to watch Cars, the first thing on Remi’s list. He figured she was tired after preschool because she not only skipped her nap when she got home but she also barely ate dinner. Usually she’d be up and running around while the movie played in the background but tonight she was focused, cuddled into his side with her eyes glued to the screen. Nova was sitting at her feet, fast asleep. After the movie was over, it was time for their bedtime routine. Remi took a bath, got to pick out her favorite pajamas and read three books. Before he could turn off the lights and sing the bedtime song, Remi asked him why he calls her “mini.”

He tells her to wait a second and that he’ll be right back. Justin comes back into her room with a mirror in his hands. Holding it up to her, he says, “look at us, you look just like me. You’re my mini me. My mini.” She grabs the mirror out of his hands and looks at the two of them side by side. “See? We have the same eyes, same nose and—smile? That little hole in your cheek? It’s called a dimple. I have one too. And when I was little my hair was blonde just like yours.”

“We match daddy. We’re the same!”

“We are the same,” he tucks her in, grabbing her favorite stuffed animal, a gray bear named ‘Muffin’ so she can hold onto him while she sleeps. He turns on the white noise machine and the night light before turning off the main lights and walking back towards the bed. Justin kisses his daughter on the forehead and both of her cheeks and she wraps her arms around his neck for a hug. “Nighty night mini, sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. I love you.”

“No bugs can come in here silly. Nighty night daddy,” she yawns. “Love you.”

He had just barely closed his eyes when he heard her on the monitor and he rushed into her room to check on her. “What’s wrong baby?”

“I miss mama.” The tremble in her voice makes his chest hurt.

“Come here,” he sighs as she crawls into his lap. “How about you sleep in mama’s spot tonight? Would that make you feel better?”

She nods slowly, sleep still laced all over her features. He carries her into the room and places her in your usual spot and he can hear her giggle a bit.

“What’s so funny?”

“This pillow smells like mama. Like she’s right here.” She whispers in shock and he shakes his head in amusement, both of them drifting off to sleep with smiles on their faces.

The next day, Remi wanted to get into her costume. She’d been watching a lot of Spidey and his Amazing Friends and was convinced that she was Gwen Stacey aka Ghost Spider. So when her grandparents bought her a costume, she wore it pretty much daily. And her dad had to be Thor…for obvious reasons. The superheroes saved the city from the green goblin’s plan to turn everyone into hamsters and then they had to save Muffin from Doctor Octopus’ evil lair.

“We make a pretty good team, Spider Gwen.” Justin says, putting the Thor hammer on the couch.

“It’s Ghost Spider daddy.” She corrects him.

“Oh I'm sorry Ghost Spider. How about you take your costume off and we take a little snack break? Superheroes need food to keep up their energy.”

After enjoying her apple slices with peanut butter, Remi headed off to her playroom to draw while Justin cleaned up the kitchen so he wouldn’t have to scramble to find things while making dinner.

He finds her sitting at the table, peacefully scribbling on a piece of paper until she gestures for him to sit down in the tiny chair. Taking a look at the chair, Justin is about to tell her he won’t fit before she cuts in like she was reading his mind.

“You can fit daddy. You not too big for it.” The chair is surprisingly a lot stronger than he thought, but he doesn’t want to push it so he settles down on the floor next to her chair, giving her his undivided attention. He’d spent so many days growing up looking up to his dad and trying to put into place the lessons that he learned from him but never in his wildest dreams did he think about how rewarding it would be to have his own child. This little blonde perfect being was his and the love he had for her was out of this world. It really felt like a piece of his heart was just living outside of his body, sitting there mindlessly drawing pictures that would inevitably end up in his locker as a reminder of what really mattered.

For dinner he made her some salmon, sweet potato fries, broccoli and some mangoes. As he was cooking, he played some music and Remi suggested they have a dance party.

“What do you wanna listen to mini?” He asks, holding the phone.

She stands next to him with a serious look on her face, furrowing her eyebrows in deep thought. “The Cars song please!”

Remi starts jumping up and down as “Life is a Highway” plays on the speakers. She grabs his hand pulling him away from putting food on her plate so he can dance with her. Justin watches intently as she wiggles her arms and shakes her little body as she pleases and joins in, imitating her moves and singing along. If he could bottle up these tiny moments he would and he’d savor them just to be able to look back on them in the future because his mini was already growing up too fast.

His point was proven on Sunday afternoon when Remi suggested they make slime or “swime” because she learned how to do it in preschool last week and made you stop at the store to get all the necessary supplies. Although he was secretly looking forward to this little science project with her, it was just another reminder that she was much closer to kindergarten than she was to the newborn stage. He followed the detailed directions that Remi got from school and added glue and food coloring to a bowl and let her stir.

“Do you wanna add in the baking soda?” He hands her the spoon and she dumps it into the bowl.

“Uh oh daddy I spilled. I need a tissue.”

“It's okay, we can clean it up when we’re done. You can keep mixing, you’re doing so well.” Justin runs a hand down her ponytail, proud of himself for successfully getting it all, even if it took him three tries. In his defense, Remi had a lot of hair to work with. “Next, we need to add some of this saline solution and mix it with our hands. Are you ready?”

Remi rolls up her sleeves with her dad’s help and digs into the bowl, kneading the slime with so much joy in her face. The orange slime came out gooey and perfect and they played with it for a while, cleaning everything up together when they were done.

By the time they reached Monday, he was exhausted. But he was in charge of their big activity today and he really wanted to close out this daddy-daughter weekend on a good note. They got in the car and drove to a local marsh about 20 minutes away from the house. He helped her out of the car and they walked towards the hiking trail. “Okay mini, mama’s gonna be home in a few hours so I thought we could do a scavenger hunt. Do you know what a scavenger hunt is?”

She shakes her head no but looks very intrigued.

“I have this egg carton that you helped me paint the other day and we’re going to find things that match the color. So in the pink part we need to look around and find something pink. Think we can do that?”

Remi puts her fist up in the air and it really reminds him of himself, “yeah, let’s go!”

As they worked on completing the rainbow scavenger hunt, Justin went down memory lane for a bit. “A long long time ago, I used to go outside with uncle Mitch and uncle Patrick and we used to collect things. Sometimes we would even bring home little animals like tiny frogs and lizards.”

“Ew daddy! Those are swimey.” She exclaims, gasping when she spots a bright red flower to add to her collection. “I like this game.” Remi hugs one of his legs, holding out her hand so they could keep exploring. Along the path he would look up the flowers based on colors and tell her the names so she could try to repeat them to her best ability. He told her about how someday soon they’d have to go fishing together so he could show her how it’s done. She was just excited to be on the boat again.

Before he knew it, you were texting him to let him know you were picking up dinner on your way home and the two of them found their last items as fast as they could and walked back to the car. You were already in the house when they got home and Remi ran into your arms immediately, not wanting to let go.

“Oh hi sweet cookie, did you have fun with daddy?”

“Uh huh, daddy is the best! I love him,” she mumbles into your shoulder.

“I love him too, he’s pretty great isn’t he. You’re so lucky sugar, you have the best daddy in the whole world.” Justin walks up to you and wraps his arms around both of you, sandwiching Remi in the middle. He gives you a kiss on the cheek and kisses the top of the toddler’s head. “So…tell me everything. What did you and daddy do?”

She takes a deep breath and you know you’re in for a long story. You catch your husband’s eyes and he shoots you a tight lipped smile as he goes back outside to your car to get your bags inside. Remi doesn’t let you go as you walk her to the couch.

“It was sooooo fun…” she begins, telling you every single detail without missing a beat.

#Justin Herbert #justin herbert imagine #justin herbert x reader #Justin Herbert fanfic

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p-redux · 2 months

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So, more info from Hyrox Glasgow 2024! Again, thanks Team for all the DMs, I really appreciate you! ❤️

Reminder of what I posted yesterday.

And

So, today, I get this video of Sarah Holden competing at Hyrox Glasgow, and you can CLEARLY hear Sam Heughan cheering her on. Sam's voice is at the very end. At the beginning, you hear a man with a thick Glasgow accent pronouncing Sarah's name Serah. That's NOT Sam. There's also a woman's voice. And at the END of the video, you can hear Sam's unmistakable "C'mon, Sarah!" This was shared by one of the Team and I saved it to my YouTube Channel. Enjoy!👇

I also received this DM with additional info. 👇 Posted with permission.

Here's the pic where Sam is tagged. 👇

And Sarah posting she got FOMO aka Fear Of Missing Out and spontaneously competed today in the women's open race. 👇 She definitely matches Sam's energy level! I'm tired just looking at her. 😊

Anyhoooo, I also got some conflicting info regarding whether Sam competed yesterday after all. I was alerted to this Tweet. 👇

And then I received this DM from someone I've never talked to. 👇

It's all very confusing. On the one hand, it is weird that if Sam competed, he never posted anything on his own IG. On the other hand, Hyrox DID post his results as if he DID compete yesterday. 👇

If Sam decided to not compete and wanted to give his slot to someone else, why wouldn't Hyrox be able to substitute the other man's name? Everything is computerized, so I don't see why they couldn't have made the change easily. Also, isn't it fraudulent to post results with Sam Heughan's name if he wasn't the one competing?

On the flip side, if Sam didn't actually compete, then he literally went to Hyrox to watch Sarah! Those saying "No, he went to watch his friend, Valbo. who also competed." Yeah, except Valbo didn't compete until 6:00 PM yesterday, and Sam was there at 12:00 PM, when the women's competitions started. Literally RIGHT THERE where Sarah was competing. 👇

No reason for Sam to be there 6 HOURS before Valbo was competing if he only went to support Valbo. 🤷‍♀️

I ran out of room to post pics since Tumblr limits to 10 pics, but I also got a DM saying Sam got a bunch of new Instagram follows who are Sarah Holden fans. That leads me to think they went to follow him because they saw him with Sarah at Hyrox.

So, that's it for now. I'm in the process of vetting someone from the Glasgowish area who approached me with some Sam and Sarah info. If she and the info check out, then I'll post it.

PS. I'm hearing from people that my usual haters and assorted newish haters are gnashing their teeth about my #samarah posts...same as it ever was. This has happened any time I've ever posted about Sam possibly dating someone. If you look at my track record for the last 10 years, my info has been at least 90% accurate. No one in the Outlander fandom would have known about Cait and Tony, and Sam and Cody, Abbie, Mackenzie, etc if not for my INSIDER source info, and me posting it FIRST. Facts, people. So, the hate makes no never mind to me. I keep doing me. I'm here for those who want the info. If that's not you, go somewhere else. Simple as that.

Oh, one more thing...the LIE that I have a restraining order against me from Sam resurfaced in my Inbox. Let's use our brains once in our lifetime, shall we? If I had a restraining order or a cease and desist, I wouldn't still be here, now would I? Doh. 🤦‍♀️ My blog is just like any celebrity news blog. It's called freedom of speech, peeps. And in the USA people have died to protect this right. That's all, folks.

#samheughan #sam heughan #sarah holden #samarah #hyrox #hyrox glasgow #big red oliver #valbo #results #haters gonna hate #freedom of speech

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with-love-from-hell · 4 months

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Neverending Nights

written for Gn!Mc (you/yours)

genre: hurt/comfort

pairing: Mammon x MC (can be seen as platonic/friendship)

Cw: depression implication, self-loathing, FOMO, rejection sensitivity, reader is gn but coded as shorter than Mammon.

"I sincerely apologize, Mc, but I will have to postpone our date tonight." Lucifer sighed, rubbing his temple. "Diavolo urgently needs me at the castle to review RAD's cost analyses and approve a budget for next quarter- especially considering the cost for repairs has been much more significant this quarter."

"That's ok." You mumble mournfully. "I understand."

Lucifer winces, feeling the disappointment glaring through in your tone of voice. "I do hope you know I will be making this up to you ten fold when I have the opportunity, Mc."

You smile weakly before wishing him luck at his meeting and returning to your room. It didn't hurt- at least, not at first. Lucifer was always busy- it couldn't be helped, after all. Besides, he always made due on his promise to reschedule your quality time together- all the brothers did. They valued your time...right?

"Sorry Mc, I'm at a photoshoot with Devilstyle right now! Talk later, mmkay? <3"

"I'm at a banquet to honor one of my close associates. Maybe tomorrow?"

"MC! I'm currently in line at the music shop on Dogma Street! Surce Frenzy is here signing autographs. Can you believe it?! The line is so long though...I probably wont be back until morning LOL!"

"Fangol practice is running late. I won't be home for awhile..."

"Too...tired..."

Tears begin to well up behind your eyes. Even your friends at Purgatory Hall were all out together at a movie without even thinking to invite you... The breaking point, though, was the fact that Mammon didn't bother to respond to your texts at all.

Your stomach feels heavy as you set your phone to the side. Every rejection from your found family replayed in your head on a loop. Part of you was sure it was a coincidence that they all happened to be too busy for you right now, and that this is just what happens from time to time. Another part of you, though, was reminded of all the other times you were cast aside, ignored, forgotten, and rejected by others.

Your kind weren't exactly cruel to you, but there was a sense of belonging shared amongst humans that you just didn't really feel with very many of them. And part of you was convinced that they felt it too, which is why you often felt left out of...well...everything during your time there, and why the Devildom, and the friends you made here, had felt so much more like home to you.

But now, here you lay- curled into yourself in the corner of your bed. The same hurt from back then worming its way from your stomach, to your heart, and up through your throat. Your entire body felt tight and tense; the only catharsis it allowed was from the shuddered breaths and muffled cries that escaped your lips. Darkness shrouded your vision, not even the light from your phone was enough to permeate it. The blanket you've surrounded yourself with closes further and further in on you, slowly making its way over your face and shielding you from the outside.

Had you done something wrong? Maybe you unintentionally said something insulting about one of them and it spread around the group. Did they all hate you now? Maybe your "new shiny object" charm wore off, and they were bored of you- like when a child gets a bunny for Easter and their parents end up getting rid of it after a month because they lost interest. Or maybe you were never really interesting to begin with. They could have been faking it, just to get on Diavolo's good side. Or maybe they were using you...There definitely was evidence to suggest that could be the case. So they'll come back when they need something again...But maybe they never will? Maybe they'll send you back to the human world and forget all about you...

The thoughts hurled their way through your mind rapidly. Somehow, you managed to sift through what you thought to be the plethora of evidence that supported each one of your theories. It didn't make sense for all of them to be correct of course, but you believed it was more likely than sheer coincidence. How else would it explain why Mammon and Belphie just ignored your messages?

You tighten your grip on the blanket you bundled yourself into, pulling the fabric down over your eyes. The self-deprecation and rejections replayed in your thoughts like a broken record. The inside of your mind was so loud, you barely heard the sound of your door flinging open and slamming against the wall.

...barely.

"Oi, human! I just got back from winnin' big at the Casino. Ya won't believe how much I got this time!" Mammon quipped loudly as he strolled into the dark room. The light from the hall spilled in, illuminating your lumpy figure under the blankets. Mammon cocked his head to the side as he noticed you, fiddling with a small box that he was hiding behind his back.

You don't reply, only curl into yourself further, praying for him to go away. You were certain that he was only here to brag, and hadn't even glanced at the message you sent him about wanting to spend time together. Clearly, the Casino and his greed meant more to him. He was a demon, after all.

"Aye! I'm talking to you, Human! This aint no time to be sleepin'! C'mon!" Mammon paused his movements as he reaches the edge of your bed. His brow now furrowed with a mixture of confusion, irritation, and concern. After you don't respond a second time, his anxiety begins to spike.

"What, are ya sick or somethin'?" Mammon shakes you a little to roughly with one hand, but the action becomes more gentle when he finally hears your sniffling, despite your best attempts to hide it. "Hey...what'sa matter?"

You shake your head enough to where you're sure he can see the movement from beneath the covers, but still say nothing. Mammon's frown deepens on his face, now heavily concerned with whatever had you to the point of tears.

"Did someone..? I swear if anyone dared lay a damn hand on ya, their head would be mounted on The Great Mammon's wall!" He growls protectively. Mammon squeezes your shoulder gently, but is taken aback when you swat his hands away.

"G-go away." You mutter.

Mammon blinks, taking a minute to process what he'd heard you say. "Huh?"

"I said: Go. Away." Your voice is louder as you snap at him, finally revealing your face from underneath the blanket cocoon you had nestled your woe into.

Mammon's eyes widen at the state of your tear-stained face. "Hey now...I ain't goin' anywhere 'til you tell me what's eatin' ya."

You sigh, folding yourself back under the blankets without another word. Mammon stands there, confused, trying to think of what to do. Clearly you weren't going to make him leave, despite saying you wanted to be alone. For a minute he ponders what could have you so upset. After his mind continues to draw blanks, he pulls out his phone, trying to see if you had maybe left any clues in the group chat. After reading through the innumerable messages declining the request to spend time with you and you're dejected "that's ok..." in response, he begins to put the pieces together.

"I'm here now, Mc..." Mammon clears his throat, sitting at the edge of your bed. "So...er...we can hang out, if ya want..."

Again, you don't reply to him. The only thing swimming through your mind now is the pity he must feel for you, seeing you like this. He probably thinks you're pathetic.

Mammon shifts his jaw. He hadn't often seen you in a state like this, but something about being lonely must have set you off. He thinks back to all of the times he himself had been lonely, and everyone else was too busy for him. The difference for him, though, was he found comfort in greed- that was his way of feeling less lonely. The casino, the horse track, and even online gambling dens were crowded with demons. Sure, many of them would roll their eyes at him or make snide remarks when he passed them by, but at least he wasn't alone.

He lets out a sigh, fidgeting with the box in his hand. "I'm sorry Mc. I didn't know you were so lonely. If I woulda known, I'd've come right home and skipped the Casino..." He pauses, glancing at your form that lay hidden underneath the blankets. "..but, I also wouldn't've been able to get ya this."

You barely have time to register what he says before a box is shoved into your face. You blink a few times before carefully taking it out of his hands. You swipe the blankets away from your face, taking the chance to study Mammon's intentions. You were surprised again to see him blushing, now turning his head away from you. With an uncertain breath, you open the box. A small gasp escapes your lips, and you snap your attention back to Mammon, who's blush seemed to have spread to his ears.

Inside the box is two sparkly gold necklaces, the heart-shaped pendants appear to be two halves that connect in the center with a magnet, showing that the wearer of each has a "half" of the other person's. "Partners in Crime" is spelled out in black cursive when the pendants are connected to each other. The gift seems befitting of a pair of middle schoolers who labeled each other as best-friends.

But as juvenile as the gift was in theory, you couldn't help but smile. "Thank you, Mammon...this is very sweet."

"Yeah, yeah..." Mammon cleared his throat, trying to hid the reddness deepening on his cheeks. "I- uh- just got it so that other demons wouldn't mess with ya, not cuz I got a crush on ya or somethin'... If they see us wearin' the same necklace, they'll know you belong to the Great Mammon!"

For some reason, the comment doesn't phase you. If he'd said something like that 10 minutes ago, you would have been convinced he wanted nothing to do with you, but the gesture of the gift and the adorable flustered state he was in was proof enough that he cared about you...so much so that he went out of his way to pick up a good quality set of jewelry for you both to wear together with his winnings from his gambling. Instead of acknowledging his words, you hug him tightly.

"I...uh..." Mammon interrupted your thoughts, looking down at you with a sheepish smile on his face. "I still got some money left over from my winnings...did ya wanna order a pizza and watch some movies? I ain't got anythin' to do for the rest of the night and-"

"That sounds perfect." You smile warmly up at him. "Thank you."

Mammon finally returns your hug, squeezing you tightly. "Good. You ain't goin' anywhere cuz I got ya all to myself now, ya got that?! And...no more cryin' like that either...The Great Mammon's gonna make all yer problems go away!!"

You let out a small laugh, nuzzling into his chest. "Sure, Mammon..Sure."

#obey me!#obey me mammon #mammon #mammon x reader #gn!reader #gn!mc #mammon x mc #hurt/comfort #OM!

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 26 days

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AITA for being petty with my friend and not telling her what’s on our quiz tomorrow? 💐

Obviously by the time this will be posted it will have been a While but I figured I’d ask anyway.

I (17X) eat lunch with two friends every day. Let’s call them Jane (17F) and Tina (16F). For the past few months, I’ve been getting increasingly annoyed with Jane over inconsequential things. I don’t genuinely know if these things are actually as bad as I see them because I already know I struggle with jealousy and extreme FOMO, so my judgement is clouded. It doesn’t help that I have trouble making friends, constantly feel isolated, and I only really have these two people that I sit with every day.

One of Jane’s friends Chloe has been sitting with us at lunch because of some drama that Jane didn’t share with us (valid, it’s not my business), and all they do is talk to each other. If someone’s telling the group (we used to be a group of 4+Chloe, doesn’t really matter what happened) a story from the day, the two will continue talking to each other and not listen. Chloe also never engages with us, and if I ever try to contribute to their conversation or even just start one/ask her a question she’s always lowkey weird about it. She’ll answer my question but then want to stop talking to me immediately. Also this is probably a me-problem, but I have literally never seen Jane as happy to see me as she is to see Chloe, and it bothers me a lot, especially since we’ve been friends way longer and she’s never acted that way towards me.

Lately, Jane will just bring her other friends by to sit with us, either for a few minutes or all of lunch, (valid, I don’t mind, especially as sometimes one of my friends will pop by and say hi so it’s be hypocritical of me) and then doesn’t even introduce us to each other (not valid), and then Tina and I just have to sit there awkwardly while they all talk and laugh with each other. Meanwhile I don’t even know these girls’ names. They don’t even like to acknowledge that we exist. They all just kind of sit off into their own little group as part of our big group and Tina and I just stare at each other or hold our own quiet conversations. Once, I mentioned something Tina and I joked about when Jane was in conversation with Chloe, and when Jane said “yeah I heard you guys say that” and I straight up said “oh I didn’t even know you were listening” and Jane got quiet. The only time it feels like Jane and I are normal again is when we’re in our one shared class, but schedules just changed and we’re not together anymore.

That was all prologue, sorry about that, but I needed to be able to explain my annoyance towards Jane for my actions to make sense. Last week, Jane was super busy during lunch all week and didn’t sit with us/didn’t even get a chance to eat once. Understandable I guess but she also never once communicated this to us. Ever. Presumably she told Chloe because Chloe doesn’t sit with us when Jane isn’t there. So that ticked me off a little, but I was able to recognize that I was being irrational and so I was just stewing under the surface. Today she sat with us for the first time in a while but she could not be bothered to engage with us. Tina asked her a direct question twice and she just didn’t respond because she was too absorbed in her phone or just like staring off into space(?) (not sure). I was telling a story and she was literally listening to a video or a voice memo or something with her phone up to her ear and I trailed off before accepting that she didn’t GAF. Tina and I stared at each other with big eyes like ‘is she fr?’ Eventually I just stopped engaging with her and we just chilled in silence.

Here’s the part where I’m not sure if I’m the asshole or not. All 3 of us are in calculus, but different class periods. During my calc, Jane texted me, asking me to let her know if the teacher said anything about what’s on tomorrow’s quiz. I was pissed. Here she was, unable to speak to me during lunch, unable to say “I’m super busy this week so I won’t be around,” suddenly interested in talking to me. To ask about the calc quiz. I wasn’t even planning on asking the teacher, but I said fuck it. I asked the teacher what was on the quiz… and then never texted her back. It’s been 9 hours now and I’ve just left her on delivered. I don’t plan on telling her what’s on the quiz. I plan on telling her that he never said anything to the class (true) or that I didn’t see her text in time (false). This doesn’t hurt her chances on the quiz in any way btw.

I’m just wondering if it’s assholish to find out when I didn’t even care and then keep it from her when she’s the one who wanted to know. Low stakes and stuff but I’ve just been wondering all day now.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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stuckinapril · 7 months

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hello! i also don't have instagram (and personally i've really enjoyed my time having) but i wanted to also ask how/what your experience has been without it (and also ashstfu's if they want to share :))

p.s. i love your blog mwah!!

Ash has absolutely no regrets hahaha. Like she gives no fucks about not having ig at all. It makes sense bc she’s a lowkey person to begin with / prefers to stay out of the loop. The pros outweigh the cons for me as well, but I’ll give you a comprehensive list anyway so you can make your own conclusions. Hope this helps <3

Cons:

There’s less to talk about w your friends. Unless you talk w that particular friend on a daily basis, not many people will be good about updating you about their lives. I actually found that watching people’s stories helps me start a conversation w them on whatever their stories were about, whereas if you don’t have insta you kind of have to dig. A lot of people are just used to others watching their stories rather than actually having a conversation about it, so this could impede communication w more casual friends (or even close ones honestly if they’re just bad at socializing, which a lot of people are now precisely due to apps like ig).

Lots of casual friendships will fizzle out. Insta is perceived as more casual than text, so many people would rather text you through ig rather than something like iMessage. This shouldn’t be a big con if you don’t care about superficial friends to begin w, but if you do it might be a dramatic change / might start to feel lonely.

Small, independently owned businesses love to update through ig, so if you follow those you’ll need another source to stay in the loop through. Same goes w album drops / tours / tickets. That kind of information is almost always shared through Instagram first.

Orgs love to update through insta as well, whether it be your uni orgs or nonprofit orgs. You’ll have to work a little harder to extract information your peers might have acquired just by checking their stories.

I used to follow the paris review / ny times / the new yorker / the washington post etc etc, and I actually really enjoyed their daily posts/stories. Same goes for the once-a-day poem accounts I followed. This is an easy fix tho bc I just substituted it w subscribing to their daily newsletters / one poem a day newsletters, but if you’re not into that maybe take this into consideration.

You kind of become?? A ghost??? The moment you decide to eschew an ig presence, you become inconvenient to a lot of people who couldn’t be bothered to hit you up & learn what’s going on in your life. So definitely prepare to find out who really cares and who doesn’t when you deactivate insta hahahah. This was a pro to me, but I can understand why it’s a con for a lot of people who like their casual networks.

Pros:

You don’t have the compulsion to check on anybody else. At all. Which is good, bc the human brain is absolutely not designed to know what 800 people are doing at any given moment. It’s too much. It leaves you burned out bc of media consumption overload, but not many people realize this. I realized it once I deactivated Insta & magically started having a will to live again hahah.

You won’t be in an imaginary competition w other people. Instagram is all about glamor. It’s all about fabricating a life that does not actually exist, for the purpose of impressing people you don’t actually know. Once you have insta out of your system, you’ll stop comparing your life w the make-believe lives people on Instagram want you to think are actually real. I had a very bad phase of comparing myself bc of ig, so deactivating it really helped me not be so hard on myself.

No FOMO. You won’t feel like you constantly have to be updated on your insta feed. You don’t need to know what celebrity selfie #827262626 is or story #2728727 is about.

You won’t feel the dying need to be perceived. Every trip isn’t about taking pictures you can post on your ig. Every good thing in your life doesn’t have to be something that gets broadcasted to your followers. You’ll enjoy sweet moments in the privacy of your own mind, and you’ll go somewhere for the simple joy of going somewhere rather than posting about it for validation, and you’ll be more present in general. Big pro for me. Very big pro.

No creeping your significant other’s insta to see who they followed, what they liked, etc. Blessed to have never fallen victim to this.

You’ll actually discover who your real friends are—the people who actually make the effort to hit you up to know what you’re up to, rather than choose the path of least resistance (liking your picture and moving on with their lives a second later).

Less time on your phone!!! This is so important. This genuinely scares me sometimes, bc imagine how many hours it would be if you summed every hour you spent glued to your phone over your whole life. The answer will always be too many. We already have so little time on this earth. Digital minimalism really is the way to go if you want to live a life you won’t abhor on your deathbed. This is not impossible to achieve while also having an ig, but this app has been designed by several people to be as addictive as possible. Sometimes deactivating it is better than simply minimizing it.

#social science #ask

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bethanydelleman · 7 months

Text

Northanger Abbey Readthrough Ch 11

Important context for this chapter! Blaize Castle is a FAKE CASTLE:

known as a "folly". It's basically a very large lawn ornament. It was built in 1766, so John Thorpe is lying through his teeth when he says it's the oldest in the kingdom, it's only about 40 years old by Catherine's time.

I love that Mr. Allen refuses to predict the weather when he's not at home. I love Mrs. Allen's little dig about Catherine not minding dirt (makes me wonder if Catherine has ruined a few cushions in her day). I love poor Catherine sitting at the window counting umbrellas and hoping her walk will happen!

Now, I do wonder that the Tilneys didn't send Catherine a note. It was at least 12:40 when the Thorpes showed up, then they talked, and Catherine sees the Tilneys walking towards her lodgings. It must be 1:00 p.m. by then. These Tilneys are rich, can't they send a servant to say they're coming? Did they really expect Catherine to just wait all day?

Great quote:

she meditated, by turns, on broken promises and broken arches, phaetons and false hangings, Tilneys and trap-doors.

Catherine finally has had enough of Mr. Thorpe:

“If your brother had not got such a d—— beast to drive,” said he soon afterwards, “we might have done it very well. My horse would have trotted to Clifton within the hour, if left to himself, and I have almost broke my arm with pulling him in to that cursed broken-winded jade’s pace. Morland is a fool for not keeping a horse and gig of his own.” “No, he is not,” said Catherine warmly, “for I am sure he could not afford it.” “And why cannot he afford it?” “Because he has not money enough.” “And whose fault is that?” “Nobody’s, that I know of.” Thorpe then said something in the loud, incoherent way to which he had often recourse, about its being a d—— thing to be miserly; and that if people who rolled in money could not afford things, he did not know who could, which Catherine did not even endeavour to understand. Disappointed of what was to have been the consolation for her first disappointment, she was less and less disposed either to be agreeable herself or to find her companion so; and they returned to Pulteney Street without her speaking twenty words.

Now of course, we know with hindsight that John has decided (for some reason) that James is very rich, so he doesn't understand why James doesn't keep a carriage. Now Catherine knows that her family isn't super wealthy, so I'm sure all of this talk is just incomprehensible to her. But who in their right mind could understand John Thorpe...

Poor Catherine gets no country walk, no Blaize Castle, and no Tilneys. Her day is ruined and she is consighed to cry forever on a pillow strewn with thorns... (maybe Marianne would, but not our girl Catherine)

It also seems that Catherine is beginning to notice that Isabella Thorpe isn't exactly the great friend she appeared to be at first:

Catherine could almost have accused Isabella of being wanting in tenderness towards herself and her sorrows, so very little did they appear to dwell on her mind, and so very inadequate was the comfort she offered.

I just find this whole chapter so painful, it is the epitome of FOMO, instead of hiking with her crush and his sister, she is forced to endure John Freaking Thorpe and not even have the added bonus of a castle!

The relationship of Catherine and the Tilneys is also full of these small misunderstandings and interpretations of propriety (we will see more next chapter). Miss Tilney feeling for a card and not leaving one can be seen as an indication that she wants to break off the acquaintance, or she may just have had no card. Now since she was planning on a country walk, no card is plausible, but poor Catherine is very worried that the Tilneys were insulted by her behaviour.

As a last note, this man is the worst:

(and so well cast in 2007!)

#northanger abbey readthrough #northanger abbey #john thorpe #the worst day #isabella thorpe #james morland #catherine morland

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silveredsound · 26 days

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How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

#sorry anon this is very much non con silv thinks about fandom and emotions and processes on main #there's a boy who has harry energy although more spoiled and sarcastic and this is delightful as i do actually think #which also i got a rude anon about once #that harry is not as nice as eveyone thinks #i think hes professional as fuck definitely #but i think hes a sarky little perfectionist and this delights me #but chemistry with everyone - thats the harry curse and blessing and the **** ****** one #sorry anon i know this was annoying #but i genuinely just really needed to get this out of me and acknowledge it all #fandom and fandom participation is something that is so important to us all #otherwise why would we have a little blog #let alone create posts of fic or gifs or edits #and god last year i said multiple times to shifty that i wished i had a fandom that i could wallow in as a happy place distraction #its very nice to feel engaged and delighted by something #i hope we can still be mates #i am a popstars and radio dj lover for life #i didn't even touch on teams i like and players and such cos not the point #tw: cancer #tw: death #tw: weight loss #sorry! i should have added those tw before!

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