#i was watching a show today and one of the quotes that was within it REALLY resonated with me whenever it comes to who barton is-

[mad-hunts]

what chess piece represents you?

the black knight.

you are a black knight, the black sheep, the underdog. as the only piece that can jump over others, you can easily get yourself in and out of situations - always catching people off guard with your charisma and cunning. you move in the shadows, trading information with shady people, getting the upper hand through not always good methods. how far do you think this road can take you? for all your charisma or cunning, lies can only get you so far. one day, that mask you've put on will slip, and you'll be left defenseless. but until then, oh black knight, live like there's no tomorrow - because there might not be.

tagged by: @divingdownthehole.

tagging: @lvebug, @twcfaces, @talentforlying, @forensisch, and anyone else who might like to do this quiz!

[rachelzeglertruther]

Why You're Wrong About Rachel Zegler

This is a long post, but there's a lot of context missing from the Rachel Zegler "discourse" that I thought I could add with my history of watching this unfold from the beginning.

The Snow White Thing

You probably know this part. There's a curated video of Rachel going viral, framed to make her seem like she's never seen Snow White, she hates the story, she hates the character, she's ungrateful, and single-handedly ruined Disney's brand. The clips from these videos are not new— they were released nearly a year ago in September 2022 and nobody cared about them at the time. Why? Because all the full interviews she did that day at the Disney Exo in 2022 showed a young, charming woman who was excited and proud to be cast in an iconic role. The interviews were very well received and it was a non story. Now that it's been edited down and cut together in a malicious way, and the people sharing them are purposefully misquoting her, they've twisted the context. Normally, this would be a non controversy. Even if that video wasn't taken out of context and spliced together to make her seem like she hates the film, most people wouldn't care. The issue is the response to the video.

Let's get this out of the way: Rachel Zegler doesn't hate Snow White. She relayed that she was afraid of the forest scene as a child and didn't revisit it again until after she was cast in the role. She has since then watched it several times and has expressed for YEARS before that interview came out that she was incredibly honored and grateful to be playing such an iconic Disney princess. If you watch the full videos that those clips came from, this comes across immediately to anyone with their own mind. If you hate someone for being scared of something as a child, I don't know what to tell you. If the role was being given to the biggest Snow White fan, you would be correct that she doesn't deserve it. Unfortunately for you, this role requires talent and Rachel has the Golden Globe and critical acclaim from people who matter within the industry (her peers and critics).

You know who does hate their beloved characters in beloved franchises but the general public still applauds them? Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Daniel Craig, and Robert Pattinson. They've all expressed outright contempt for the roles and the films they were part of, but nobody cared. People had fun with their quotes but they still respected them. Rachel said nothing even closely resembling their remarks, but she's being torn to shreds. Are we seeing a pattern here?

Rachel never said a single bad thing about the character or the animated film— she said that it was outdated and that set people over the edge, foaming at the mouth to have her burned at the stake. If you think it would be perfectly fine to have a movie about an abused 14 year old girl run away to play housemaid for a bunch of men, get kissed in her sleep/death by an adult man, and then wake up to fall into his arms in 2024, that's certainly a hot take. If you're against remakes, direct your ire at Disney. But if you truly think that plot would work with young girls today, you're the one who's out of touch. It would do far more harm than good to portray a young woman in that light.

She also never said that there was anything wrong with romance or love. She said that the new Snow White wasn't only dreaming of that. I can't stress enough that this wasn't her decision… she was describing the plot of the new film that was written by Greta Gerwig and approved by Disney. There's a prince in the film and he will also have a more developed personality and storyline. If you have a problem with the writing, wait until it comes out so you can write your strongly worded letter to Greta. If you have a problem with the concept in general, take it up with Disney. There's no need for you to be defensive over hurting the legacy of a multi-billion dollar company or a 87 year old cartoon written by a proud racist antisemite. This is the most confusing part of the hate campaign to me because it wasn't even her opinion— she was literally describing the plot of the film she had nothing to do with. It also isn't a new thing. Disney actors have been promoting their newer films this way for years.

It's perfectly okay to like things that are problematic. It's becoming an issue that we refuse to acknowledge that maybe some things we love are harmful. What we can't do is justify why it's not problematic, and in fact everyone who calls it out is the problem and NOT their precious cartoon. The 1937 Snow White was an amazing feat of animation. It's a classic for a reason. But it was also Hitler's favorite film and was directed by a white supremacist (the one who is "rolling in his grave" due to Rachel's existence, according to his son). Things don't exist in a vacuum and we can't ignore the bad parts.

How We Got Here:

The thing that everyone is missing is the source of this campaign. This started in September of 2020 when transphobic actor Gina Carano made fun of trans people by changing her pronouns to beep/bop.boop. Rachel indirectly called her out by coming to the defense of the trans community.

She never called out Gina by name (though she rightfully could have). Mind you, Rachel's first film hadn't come out yet. Nobody knew who she was outside of those of us who were anticipating West Side Story and were fans of her covers on YouTube. She was a "nobody" in the industry. Take this part with a grain of salt because I can't confirm it, but Gina and her fans directly blame Rachel for her being banned from Twitter. Again, I really don't think that matters as she's harmful to the trans community and shouldn't have a platform. What does matter is that fans of Gina (which, let's be real, are just fans of transphobia) have been stalking Rachel's every move since then. Unfortunately for them, there wasn't much they could use against her other than to call her woke and #snowbrown when she was cast a year later as the Disney princess. The noise has always been there, but unless you were a fan of hers, you probably didn't hear about it. It wasn't until two years after this that they had something else against her.

If you've recently seen a video of Rachel crying circulating that claims to be her reaction to the recent Snow White backlash, it's an old video. It's from a vlog from her youtube channel posted in June 2022. It was in response to these exact same transphobic anti-woke conservatives who thought that they had something when she did an interview on the red carpet of the Shazam premiere. When asked why she joined the DC universe, she responded "I needed a job." It was generally well received by most people who thought it was cute and funny, but those who were waiting in the shadows latched onto it as an excuse to send her death threats.

The video was also about a month after she was invited to present at the 2022 Oscars and was made to seem like she bullied the Academy (as a no name newcomer, mind you) into letting her attend. In reality, a fan left a comment on her Instagram asking what she was wearing to the event. She responded that she wasn't invited but would be rooting for everyone from her couch in her boyfriend's pajamas. It was the public who demanded she get an invite and the Oscar's must have agreed that it was very odd that the lead actress of a film that was nominated for Best Film wouldn't get an invite. Whether it was an oversight on their part or a scheduling issue with Rachel's filming, I truly think there was no malicious intent from either party. Keep in mind, she used to be very active with her fans (she's a huge fangirl of things herself and has always had a strong relationship with her fans) and she wasn't used to her comments becoming articles and national tv segments. This was the first time it happened to her. It appears she learned that she's not just a girl who posts on YouTube anymore and she's going to be put under a microscope for every move she makes. She has since shut down her Instagram comments and rarely interacts with fans outside of liking comments these days because of this.

I know this is long, but I need people to understand where this is all coming from. It didn't just happen out of nowhere. It's an orchestrated campaign built by violent conservatives, and thousands of women who saw Barbie this summer are hopping on the bandwagon to beat another woman into submission because they have a lot of internalized misogyny to deal with. She's not smug, you just hate women. It's okay to find people annoying, but it's valuable to look into why you think that. If you see a confident young woman expressing views that don't actually harm anyone and you think she needs to be "humbled" and "put in her place" by the entire internet dogpiling her, you've lost your mind. Using "body language experts" (fake job) to diagnose her as a psychopath is so vile. Everytime someone mentions her name online, the comments beneath it are full of the most violent, misogynistic, racist things I've ever seen. If you're contributing to that, you've chosen your side. Reevaluate or seek help.

I'm tired of seeing this happen to young women. We let this happen to Jennifer Lawrence, Brie Larson, Millie Bobby Brown, Halle Bailey, and Jenna Ortega. It's one thing to call out celebrities and hold them accountable when they're doing something actively harmful, but that's not what this is about. That's never been what this is about. We pick these girls to pieces and examine them and pull them apart to justify our hatred of young women who rise to success too quickly for our liking. We dogpile and try to stamp out the flame before they burn too bright. Barbie is still in theaters and you all loved it, yet you're demanding that a bright girl with a big future be small and submissive and humbled because you have issues. That's not feminism. You're just the girls who would have bullied Weird Barbie for using her hands too much when she talks.

[imrllytootiredforthis]

A Night at the Bar

Pairing: felix x reader

Pt.2 Here

Summary: A regular night out with your friends turns into something more when you meet a new kid going to your school

Warnings: fem reader, dom reader, sub felix, college!au (everyone’s 18+), dry humping (he grinds against her leg, whatever that’s called), nipple play, mommy kink, pet names, oral (f receiving), probably more that I forgot

Word Count: 6.8k

A/N: So I’ve been asked a few times of I have a taglist and I was wondering if you guys wanted me to make one? Just lmk. Anyway, as always ignore my bad grammar and possible spelling mistakes lol

18+ Minors DNI

It had been an uneventful night.

All you had really wanted to do was stay home, cuddle up in some blankets and watch a movie, maybe even make some microwave popcorn. 

But, the people you decidedly called friends refused to let you spend yet another Saturday night being a quote unquote ‘hermit’, holed up in your apartment like always.

“Besides, school is starting soon! Don’t you wanna get out before you’re going to have a truckload of schoolwork to worry about?” Samantha claimed while rummaging through your closet, settling on an outfit and throwing it in your direction. “Put this on.”

So they dragged you to the new bar that opened down the street. 

Music made its way outside from within, low bass pounding in your head before you even entered the place. You rubbed at your temples, grimacing at the way the headache building in the forefront of your brain throbbed in protest.

It started out fine, as it always did.

Gossiping about your classmates and teachers and updating the others on whatever happened in your life lately.

But then it got boring. And when it got boring, desperate measures were pulled out.

Your friends pestered you about turning away the guys approached you, offering you free drinks. They scrutinized you for sending away a ‘hot’ one, telling you that you needed to take charge and finally get a permanent man as opposed to your regular hook-ups.

And so they took up the challenge upon themselves.

Firstly: What was your type? 

“What about him?”

“Really? He’s pretty cute.”

Secondly: Judging you base on the fact that you didn’t like any of the guys they suggested 

“Him?”

“Why not?”

“Yeah, he’s fit. You must be blind if you don’t want him.”

“Like, look at those muscles, that hair!”

Thirdly: Getting mad and giving up on the game

“Well what is your type then?”

“Come on! Why are you like this? We’re just trying to have some fun! Don’t take it so personal!”

When they were done bothering you about boys like excited schoolgirls, they switched up topics and moved on to begging you to dance with them.

As the bright lights flashed leaving coloured imprints in your vision, you bluntly told them no.

The idea of dancing right now felt gross and judging by the way the sweaty bodies of the crowd moved, with gyrating hips and wandering hands. ‘Whispering’ that was almost yelling and guys on the side with drinks watching like they were searching for their next prey.

Nope. Absolutely not. You wanted no part of that and no amount of begging could make you. Refusing, you ordered another drink as they boo’d at you, fake heckling as they left. 

And finally, you were alone. Well as alone as you could be in a crowded bar that was a prime way for everyone there to catch the flu, which was actually going around right now.

In fact, you shouldn’t have even left your house today. You should’ve stayed home with your blankets and popcorn and proceeded to binge watch your favourite show for the 50th time.

You wished with every ounce of your being that you could go back in time and tell yourself to never go out tonight.

You should’ve turned down your friends and stayed in the warmth and comfor-

The next thought disappeared. 

It wasn’t an electric spark like movies describe attraction but it was...something. Something that caught your attention. Made you freeze in place, eyes caught, unable to look away even if you wanted to-and you didn’t want to.

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to come out here after all...

Brown-his eyes were brown. 

And his blond hair was mussed as if someone had purposely shaken it up. His face was youthful-around the same age as you with adorable freckles dusting across his rosy pink cheeks and makeup probably better than your own. 

Something akin to a shy smile played across lips. He licked them and looked away for a split second then back at you as if he was checking to see that it was really him you were looking at.

You smiled, he was cute. 

Your friends were wondering what exactly your type was.

This. 

This was your type.

The cute ones that looked softer, sweeter. Nervous with almost hint of uncertainty. Body language alone that conveyed they were gentle. A touch feminine in a way if that was an appropriate thing to say.

He lifted his hand and gave a little wave, awkward with a smile to match but endearing. 

Adorable. 

Yes. This one, whoever he was, was your type.

Should you gesture for him to come over? Or should you walk over?

Someone said something and his gaze left yours.

You huffed, taking another sip of your drink. Too late for that now, you thought bitterly.

But still, you couldn’t stop staring.

He was with his friends, on the opposite side of the room. Loud and practically screaming in their corner of the bar, laughing and slapping each other on the back. 

You could recognize a few of them. 

Chan you have a few classes with and had worked together for several group projects. The two of you exchange conversations now and then in class and you could confidently say that you were friends.

And you could pick out Seungmin and Hyunjin from past interactions or travelling word. The rest of them you could recognize from passing in the halls or seeing around in general but you couldn’t quite place names on.

But you’d never seen that one before.

Maybe he went to another college or didn’t go to one at all. Maybe he was one of their family members and was visiting.

Enough speculation, you were gonna find out.

You downed the rest of the cup and crossed the bar, shoes clicking with every step.

“Channie!”

Eyes turned to you at the use of his name and Chan laughed with a smile, opening his arms for a hug. “Y/N!”

You obliged, letting him pull you into his arms whilst trying to ignore the scent of alcohol coming in waves off of him. He hung off of you, drunkenly slurring to the others, “Guys! This is Y/N! Y/N, meet the guys!”

You jumped slightly, wincing as he yelled it in your ear. “No need to yell. I’m right here.”

Chan slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide in a comical way. “Sorry.” He whispered loudly.

“Sorry about him. He’s kinda drunk.” One of them offered.

“Thanks, I couldn’t tell.”

Someone snorted at the smirk you made and you turned to see the whole reason you’d approached in the first place. 

He blushed, silver ear piercings glimmering in the dim lighting. 

“Sorry, I’m not familiar with all your names.” All while you spoke the words your eyes never left him. Those ridiculously cute freckles hypnotizing you.

Chan broke the trance with his slurred speech, stumbling slightly and almost putting you straight on your ass with his weight. “That’s Han,” 

He only gestured in the general direction so your only clue as to who he was pointing to was the way the man you assumed was Han waved with a bright smile. 

“That’s...Hyunjin,” 

You smiled with a nodded head in greeting toward him. “That’s Changbin, um Jeongin and a-” Chan gestured wildly with his hand, eyes barely staying open, “...Seungmin!” 

Each waved at their name, making your life much easier as you struggled to support your friend’s weight.

Suddenly Chan got up and stumbled over to one of them. “That’s Lee Know.”

The poor boy’s eyes widened as his Chan stumbled, foot catching on nothing but thin air as he tripped over his own feet, falling straight into him, both of the boys falling to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

You nearly laughed at the pissed expression on Lee Know’s face. They were both covered in the drink he had been holding when his hyung knocked him over.

They were all rushing around you to pick up Chan, unpinning the other boy from under him while the others went to the bar to ask for napkins to try and clean the mess up.

The chaos ensued and you tried your best to help but in the end you ended up just standing there, watching on the sidelines as the others handled in cleaning everything.

“I’m Felix.”

You hadn’t realized he was that close until he’d spoken, close enough that you could feel his warm breath against your neck and smell of mint and beer in his breath.

At your flinch, he chuckled awkwardly, laugh deep just like his voice. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you...It’s just that Chan-um,” his stutter increased when you turned to look at him. The weight of your steely gaze settled on him once more sending chills down his spine. “I uh, -sorry what’s your name?”

You laughed, a beautiful sound. 

He wanted to make you do it again.

Felix hadn’t wanted to go to the bar that night either.

The others had said they were gonna show him around tonight, just give him the basic run-down of where everything was but then Han had pointed out that this place had just opened.

The next thing he knew, they were in the bar, drinking and laughing.

And it wasn’t that he didn’t like partying or going out like the rest of his friends, he just didn’t want to go out specifically tonight.

The area was new and he’d much rather explore the rest of the city than be here in a loud sticky bar. Sure he’d visited a few times and could recognize a few streets but now he was moving here to pursue his dancing career. He needed to at least know how to get to school on his own before it started.

“I’m Y/N, as Chan said.” God, he wanted to cry. Here he was, talking to you, someone beautiful and most likely out of his league. Acting like a blushing schoolboy with his first crush.

“O-oh yeah, what Chan said. I’ve had a few drinks tonight-I’m really sor-”

“-no need to keep apologizing Love, it’s okay.” you purred, smirking at the way he blushed, eyes averting as he subconsciously licked his lips.

“I was wondering if you could uh, drive Chan and I home? I’m bunking with him right now and well both of us have had a few drinks...”

You pursed your lips. “Why doesn’t one of the others take you then?”

Felix’s eyes widened as he scrambled for an answer. “Well-...they are going to their own place for the night.”

It was a lame excuse and he knew it. You knew it. Anyone who heard it would know it. But nonetheless, you were going to do it as long as you got to stay with the pretty boy a little bit longer.

“Okay.” You looked over the swaying bodies to see Chan being supported by Han and Seungmin with his arms swung around their shoulders. 

“I think that we should leave soon before the poor boys are left permanently deaf.” You pointed out, Felix’s attention turning towards the way his roommate was screaming into the two boy’s ears. 

“I agree.” 

It wasn’t easy attempting to get the older boy’s nearly limp sluggish body into your car.

The entire time he screamed about random topics such as what he ate for lunch yesterday and raving about how much he loved Seungmin, who told him to shut up as he clipped on the seatbelt. 

Felix started to get into the passenger before you stopped him, throwing a paper bag at him. “Nope, you’re in the back making sure Channie here doesn’t make a mess in my car.”

Reluctantly, he got into the back. A sad expression, reminding you of a kicked puppy plastered across his face.

The car ride was loud, with Chan shouting unintelligible nonsense and Felix apologizing to you over and over with you telling him to shut up and stop apologizing.

Three stops for Chan to barf on the side of the street and what could’ve been a ten minute drive that resulted in an almost half an hour drive because Felix barely knew his way there, later you finally arrived at their house.

Together, you and Felix lugged him to his room. His body weighing on your like a bundle of bricks.

As soon as he saw his bed your friend flopped backwards onto it with the coordination and gracefulness of a baby deer walking for the first time.

“Should we do anything else? Dress him or something?” You wondered aloud as he promptly fell asleep, not so quiet snores leaving him.

“Nah, he should be fine.” He led you out of Chan’s room and into the kitchen which was opened to connect with the living room. 

He rummaged around, gesturing for you to sit on the barstool which you graciously obliged. “You hungry for anything?”

“I’m good, baby. I should probably actually get going.” You pulled out your phone, sending a quick text to your friends who bombarded you with messages and voicemails wondering where you were. Too wrapped up in that to see the way he froze at the name.

He didn’t want to admit how the names you called him affected him. 

Didn’t want to admit the fantasies that ran through his head when he heard you say them, rolling smoothly off your tongue.

Baby, Love, you called him those and they all made him so, so needy. Needy for you. For you to whisper them to him as he sat on his knees between your legs, gripping his hair between your fingers, controlling his movements the way you wanted to.

The thought was enough to get him hardening. He internally cursed himself, hoping you wouldn’t notice.

You looked up to only see him frowning, “No! Don’t go.” You slid your phone into your bag, jaw clenching. 

Had it been any other situation you would’ve said yes. Any other random guy’s house you would’ve probably already been on top of him, finding all of those places that would make him cry out in pleasure.

But he was drunk. And you were still level-headed enough to know that it would be wrong for you to do anything with him in that state.

“I think I should, both of you guys are good now.” You got up from the seat, slipping your bag over your shoulder, giving him a friendly smile to mask the want that you were sure was apparent in your expression.

He crossed the kitchen, leaving the leftovers he’d pulled out of the fridge, getting close. “Please don’t go.” The small whine in his words left you wanting to shove him against the kitchen counter and wreck him here and now.

He was drunk. That was that and you weren’t going to do anything but you were still curious. “Why should I stay?”

His mouth opened then closed. Eyes falling down to your lips, trailing farther down to what would be considered indecent before snapping back to your face.

“What would you say if I asked you to kiss me?” He asked so innocently with a big pout, bottom lip jutted out.

His eyes told an entirely different story as his face, lust blown pupils wide enough to swallow the entire iris of his pretty brown eyes.

You moved closer to him. Close enough to count the individual freckles on his face. “I’d say you were drunk.”

His frown deepened and he moved backwards, grabbing your arms to pull you with him until the couch hit the back of his knees and slowly, without breaking eye contact he laid back…

With that, he looked down to the wrist he was holding before lifting your hand up to those pretty pouted lips, slipping your middle and pointer finger into his warm wet mouth. 

His head cocked to the side as he wrapped his legs around your hips making you stumble right up against him and his very obvious hard-on.

Holy fuck.

A hot liquid tension filled the room and you tried to restrain yourself from jumping him then and there. “You’re drunk Felix.”

But god, the way your fingers felt in his mouth, wet tongue laving around them before lapping; a lewd sucking sound that had you clenching around nothing, almost taking over your rationality as he took your digits farther down as if he was trying to deepthroat them.

Unlatching from you he looked up, eyes serious albeit still wide with want. “I’m not drunk. I swear.”

“How many drinks did you have tonight?”

“Two.” He thrusted against you and you bite your lip to keep the moan at bay.

“Are you sure?”

He sat up, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. “Yes.” A stray whimper left him, the noise shooting arousal straight between your legs. “I sobered up in the car. I promise.”

Your bag slipped off your shoulder and fell to the floor as his thrusts continued. Heavy pants and whines leaving him in earnest at the friction his tight pants provided as he ground against you.

It was getting increasingly harder to not shove him back onto the couch but you needed to be absolutely sure. “Are you a hundred percent positive Lix? Don’t lie to me just because you want me to fuck you, Love.”

You could feel him shiver at your words, ignoring all but the last one. His plush lips moving against your throat, biting and licking your heated skin causing a traitorous moan to leave you with a gasp.

“Felix.” Your fingers laced into his hair, pulling him back to look at you.

He let out a helpless cry. From being pulled away from you, from the delicious feeling of you pulling his hair, from the way your other hand held his hips down preventing him from moving.

“Are you absolutely sure? We can do this another time if you are but don’t lie to me just because you wanna get your dick wet right now.”

You didn’t tell him that was a lie. That you most likely wouldn’t seek him out again but you needed to be sure if you were going to do anything with him tonight.

His hips desperately tried to move in vain at the grip you had on him, hard enough to leave bruises on his pale flesh. “I promise! ‘M sober!”

You leaned ever so closer, the tips of your noses touching. The feel of his warm breath against your lips. If you moved ever so slightly...your lips would touch his. “Then what do you want me to do baby?”

A glassy sheen covered his eyes as he whined. 

“Please.”

And just like that you could hear the sound of your willpower snapping clean in two.

Tilting your head to slot your lips against his. He whimpered out, your fingers growing ever so tighter in his hair as the other switched from holding his hips in place to setting them at a pace to grind hard and quick against you.

His mouth opened wider, allowing more access for your tongue to slip inside. Your moans rang out in sync, breathless and wanting as his heels dug into your back trying to pull you impossibly closer into him. 

Arms move around your neck, clinging so helplessly, so wanting, as if he thought that if he let go of you now you’d disappear out of thin air and leave him here all alone. 

You kissed him raw and hard until you had no choice but to pull away from lack of air, leaving his lips with a bite to his bottom one while dragging him by his hair away.

There’s spit glistening all over his lips and a blush coats his face and neck, already looking so fucked out. “Love,” an involuntary shiver ran through him, almost violent through his vulnerable state. “Lift your arms for me.”

He obeys with no question, unlatching from around your neck to raise them above his head, letting you lift the hem of his shirt over and throw it somewhere forgotten on the floor.

“Lay back kitten.”

The name is received with a mewl, almost exactly as like a cats and he nods quickly, you feel his heart race under your touch, breath heaving faster. His legs loosen but don’t let go as he falls back onto the couch.

And fuck, you wish you could take a picture. 

Make a painting out of it. The beauty of it rivalling the finest of the renaissance. You’d hang it up where only you could see it, remembering each time you looked at it the way he looks here and now forever. Look back at it and see how utterly gorgeous he was.

Yes, this was exactly your type.

Felix bit his kiss-bruised lips, blond hair highlighted against the black fabric of the coach. You let out a soft groan to see that the freckles continued down his chest, littering all over his chest and shoulders.

“Shit, kitten. ‘M gonna ruin you.” 

The words were meant to be smooth but they came out nearly a moan as you leaned over him to trace your nails along the spots and his pretty pink nipples, watching with a smirk of satisfaction as he squirmed under you, loose whimpers and restrained moans coming from him as you rubbed the buds, quickly turning into hard peaks from your ministrations.

“So sensitive aren’t you? ‘S anyone else ever played with your nipples before baby?”

He gave you no reply. Too caught up in the moment, too lost in the new sensations you were gifting him. Too dumbed down to the pleasure to control the words falling from his lips. “Please Momm-.” 

Just barely catching himself, he tensed, eyes flashing to look up at you, hoping you didn’t notice the words or the reaction to them he had.

He’d never meant to call someone that in bed before. Much less you, beautiful and somehow willing to give him a chance.

Sure, he’d felt like saying it tons of times before. With his past girlfriend he’d accidentally called her it while he’d been thrusting into her in missionary. She was submissive just like him and had just called him daddy. They’d both already known about their similarities and had just rolled with whatever happened in the moment but apparently this was too far for her and she’d broken up with him because of it.

What would you think? Call him a freak and leave? Leave him now, all needy and horny. Spread out on the couch like this?

The thought was enough for his thighs to tighten around you, pushing you to put your entire weight onto him. He didn’t want you to leave, couldn’t even stand the thought.

You stopped. Stopped your thrusts. Stopped the way your fingers danced along his chest in a way that made his head spin in the best possible way. Stopped it all and a voice deep inside his brain screamed in protest, his head burying into your neck, hoping to anything that you wouldn’t leave him. 

“I asked you a question, Felix.”

His head was hazy. He couldn’t remember what you’d said, didn’t even think he’d heard the question in the first place. 

Luckily, you spared the poor boy, pulling him back to look at you. 

Shit, here it comes. You’re gonna call him disgusting and gross which he could handle if you wouldn’t look at him with those disgusted eyes that made him want to cry and not in a good way.

But you don’t say those words?

Instead what comes out of those perfect lips is, “Do you want Mommy to make you feel good baby?”

Was he dreaming? He felt like in he was in a dream. 

That same voice from before shrieked in happiness.

“Yes! Please Mommy! Need you, ah!” His fingers gripped onto your hair as your lips latched around one of his hardened buds, nipping slightly before sucking. “Ha! God! Please, fe-feel so good, don’t-don’t stop, please Mommy!” He sobbed.

His words had heat zinging straight to your core and you began grinding against him harder and harder, trying satiate that ache settling between your legs.

He watched in a lust-filled fascination, trying to keep his eyes from rolling into the back of his skull, trying to keep his tongue from hanging out of his mouth as strands of drool dripped down his chin. But he couldn’t keep back the breathy incoherent pleas, mixtures of faster and slower and close and mommy that had you clenching around nothing.

You could tell he was close, very close. Not only from the way he chanted it, repeating the words over and over like they were the only things left in that pretty head of his. But also by the way his breathing grew erratic, his pulse hammering and fluttering in his chest against your lips.

And then...and then it...stopped?

He whimpered at the sudden loss of stimulation, eyes flying open to stare at you, glittering with unshed tears and confusion. They searched yours, as if he could figure out why you stopped in the depth of them. And he could. The teasing light in them. An inward smirk as he cried out and rutted up against you, trying to chase the high that was quickly dissipating.

Your finger still traced over his pecs, soothing and tantalizing all the same. “W-why’d you stop?” He whined in frustration at your lack of movement.

Red splotches that you know will turn to purple bruises covered the expanse of his chest. Such a pretty visual just for you to see. 

Just for you, no one else. Your little toy to play with and ruin, to use for your pleasure and he’ll love it all the same.

Sweat and saliva covered him-both yours and his. It was gross and lewd and fucking hot. 

“Jus’ wanna play with you for a bit, baby? Don’t you wanna let Mommy feel good too, Lixie?”

He nodded with vigor, chest still heaving and hips still subtly trying to press up against you which you let slide from the way that sparks of pleasure shot up your spine. 

“Yes Mommy, Lixie wants to make you feel good too...” His voice was higher now and he paused as if trying to decide whether if he should continue or not. “Could I...um...”

You tilted his chin up and nodded for him to continue. “Could I eat you out...?” He was so quiet you nearly missed the question but decided to spare him from repeating himself as you bit your lip to feign thinking.

“Aww, does baby wanna taste Mommy?” Despite the teasing lilt, he nodded, earrings jingling with the movement. 

You smiled and let your hand ghost down his neck, feeling his throat bob under your hand. Milky skin soft and smooth, practically begging to be marked up by you.

Finally after what felt like forever of teasing touches and small kisses, working him up only to back away once his moans got loud.

You repeated it several times before pulling away completely. Felix whined in protest, making desperate grabby hands at you as your hands untwined his legs from around your waist.

“Be a good boy for me and get on your knees baby.”

His whines quieted down at that. And he slid off the couch, falling to his knees on the hardwood floor eagerly wide-eyed. 

His hands folding behind his back, looking up at you with a pleading look, completing the perfect picture of obedience. 

‘Just when I thought he couldn’t get any prettier,’ you mused, letting yourself sink back into the couch, spreading your legs to make room for the boy.

It was so hard to restrain yourself from ravaging him then and there, edging him until he cried from the pleasure, begging you to stop and let him cum and still ignoring him. 

Going on and on until you decided that he had enough.

You beckoned him toward you and with no hesitation he was scooting closer and pressing his face sweetly against your lower stomach, looking up at you in a silent ask of permission.

He shudders against between your legs as your hand reaches down to play with his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp. Eyes shut in bliss he begins to nose against you. "Please."

It’s a whine-a plea, a beg to let him give you pleasure.

“Yes,”

The warm, comforting smile he gives as he stares up at you makes your heart skip a beat.

 Tantalizingly slow, he tugs at the waistband of your pants, lifting yourself up so the fabric falls to pool around your ankles. And with an ungraceful pull, they’re landing somewhere across the room to find later on.

A shudder runs down your spine as you feel his hot breath lightly ghosting across you. And with open-mouthed kisses and nudges he slowly parts your legs, coaxing you to vocalize how good it feels.

He looks unsure. 

And he is. He hasn’t done this in awhile, doesn’t really remember what to do. His eyes flash up in quick glances to to see your face, trying to decipher if you enjoy what he’s doing or not.

A soft moan escapes your lips as he teases you, nipping and mouthing everywhere but where you need him most. But you can’t tell if it’s from inexperience.

Then your eyes catch him and you can tell by the way he periodically glances up at you between licks, stopping when you seem to be enjoying it that it’s a kind of payback from your teasing earlier.

“Lix.” You warn, a subtle edge in your voice telling him to hurry up.

He stops with a whine, unable to do anything but melt against the comfort of your plush thighs. He wishes that he could stay like this forever you, devouring you and hearing the way you praise him and-

“Lix.” You warn again, voice hardening as your hips start to push towards him in slow restrained grinds.

He pauses to look up at you with hearts in his eyes before his attention moves back down, watching, heart pounding and cock throbbing as evidence of your arousal drips down your skin and onto the fabric of the couch; practically salivating.

Growing too impatient with him, you grip his hair and shove his face into your pussy, throwing your head back with a moan as his tongue begins to eagerly lap at you.

He whines into you, the vibrations provoking a drawn-out groan that has something bubbling up deep inside you.

“Mm, such a good little slut for me kitten.” Breath hitching as his lips wrap around your clit, sucking gently. “Yes~”

His ever-willing need to please you, he shifts closer and pulls one leg over his shoulder allowing him to more access of you. At this you can do nothing but bite your lip and find purchase in his silky smooth hair, digging your fingers-almost painfully-into his scalp.

It doesn’t faze him, if anything it makes him go harder as he continues to lick you, alternating between deep thrusts of his warm muscle into you and harsh tonguing around the bundle of nerves.

“Oh, yes baby. You’re doing so good, ha, making me feel s-so good kitten,” He whimpers at the praise, the vibrations pulling a deep groan that has him palming himself over his pants.

You’d greatly underestimated the skills of the boy. A tongue on him like no other that had you gasping for air.

With your fingers already intertwined in his hair it’s easy to pull him away from you. He whines and tries in vain to bury his face into your pussy again but it’s your steely grip that prevents him as his long tongue sticks out, far as it can go.

He pouts with a long whine, “Mommy...”

You’re breathless at the view, him between your legs, your leg hitched over his shoulder, bottom lip jutted out, his face covered in your juices as he shamelessly bucks into his hand.

It’s positively erotic.

You don’t say a thing, drinking him in. Before you finally challenge, “If you can make me come before you do,” gesturing toward his little problem, “then I’ll let you come. If you don’t...” you shrug, letting the challenge hang in the air, waiting with a bated breath to see his reaction.

Nodding once, quick and determined he dives back in with a new fervor, lapping and licking all around you. Whining and whimpering, gasping breaths and making noises out of some kind of cheap submissive boy porn, desperate in his mission to please you.

And it isn’t long until you’re gasping as well. Sucking gulps of air into your breathless lungs, lightheaded as waves of pleasure pulse through your veins and flood throughout your body.

Praises and degrading terms fall from your lips, calling him a good boy, your little toy, your precious baby, your slut, your Lixie. Marvelling at how he’s so willing to please, acting like a whore as he gets hard from just tasting you.

Telling him how good he’s making you feel, mindless blabber that he eats up, moaning into you and rutting harder against his hand, hanging onto your every word.

He’s close, he knows it and he knows that you are too. The way your legs tense around him and your words raise higher in pitch. Telling him not to stop, that you’re close, that he’s your good little kitten

And that’s all he wants to be.

In this vey moment all he wants to be is a perfect little brainless toy for you, pleasing you, craving your touch and aching for your hands on his body.

One last suck to your clit and you come with a cry, fisting his hair tightly. That mixed with the way your thighs tremble and clench around his head, holding him in place. He nearly comes too, mewling causing shockwaves of overstimulation to run through you.

It takes a few minutes for you to come down, finally releasing his head and petting his hair. 

Only to realize the way he humps up against your leg. Tongue hanging out, thrusting like a bitch in heat as he moves faster and faster, chasing his high.

But he doesn’t expect you to meet his thrusts, pushing your foot to meet him, he lets out a loud gasp, palming at your legs for more. “Look at you, baby,” you coo, hand slithering down to press against his lips.

He opens, inviting your digits in with little prompting, resuming in his efforts. “Such a pretty little kitten for me...” your other legs slips off his shoulder, planting it more suitably against the ground. “Getting off on my leg like a little kitty in heat aren’t you?”

Frustrated tears slip down the angles of his face, farther ruining his already smudged makeup as a gargled moan slips out around your fingers.

The thought of the blushing cute boy you met eyes with a the bar, contrasting to the one you see now. On his knees below you, humping your leg at an earnest pace as those pretty brown eyes you intensely stared at earlier slip back and finally shut. In fact, his entire head slips back. Blunt nails dig into the soft skin of your leg and high pitched whines vibrate in his throat.

He can hardly think and hardly wants to. 

Felix wants nothing more than to be reduced only to the mind-numbing ache pulsing heavy between his legs. Nothing but pleasure and sensation, overwhelming and all-consuming. 

The feel of you comforting him through, fingers pressing firm on his tongue while the other rubs over his throat and jaw. He’s finally free to. To lose himself in it all knowing that you’ll be just as happy to watch him falling apart because you know it’s happening because of you.

“Come whenever you need to kitten. Mommy’s gonna take care of you. S’okay.” And he lets go with whimper, clinging to your leg like a lifeline, comforted knowing that you’re there the whole way through. 

Nothing compares to this feeling; floating as waves of ecstasy wash over him unyielding and harsh, making his toes curl and stealing the breath from his lungs like he was winded.

The sight is gorgeous. Thrusts not stopping even in his peak, unconscious as he whines from self-inflicted overstimulation. 

You watch, breath hitched as his pants darken with his release.

Gradually, he comes back, grimacing at the uncomfortable sensation. It’s cute, the way he pouts.

His eyes are still dazed as you gesture for him to come sit with you and on wobbly legs he does. Laying on top of you with his chin propped up on your chest to look at you.

“Thank you.” He whispers.

You pet his hair, pushing the sweaty strands back and wiping away the tear stains on his cheeks. “No need to thank me, Lixie. If anything I should be thanking you.”

He looks at you, smiling wide with metaphorical heart-eyes and you could feel the blush rising on your skin. 

“Wanna take a shower? I dunno about you but I think I really need one right about now.” Your strokes stop to cup his warm cheek, thumb swiping under his eye.

“Yeah, just gimme a moment to remember how to walk.” Both of you lightly chuckle, his voice back to its deep cadence. 

**

After you lay in his bed, hair wet and wrapped in a towel, his fluffy from you blow-drying it.

His light snores fill the room, having fallen asleep as soon as his body hit the bed. You couldn’t blame him after such strenuous activities.

Now he lays, tucked against your chest. His body is curled up as if he wanted to feel as small as possible with your arms wrapped around him and body cradling his. 

For the first time in a long time you felt...happy?

Normally after sex you there was little to no words, much less cuddling exchanged afterward. You’d offered in the beginning but after being rejected several times, left alone with them scurrying out of your apartment immediately after, you’d stopped asking. You didn’t kick them out but just didn’t ask, always allowing them to have the option of whatever this was but no one had ever taken you up on it.

But you decided it was nice. It was a strange experience that left you feeling fuzzy and warm inside. You could get use too-

Cold ice replaced the new fondness you felt.

This feeling, the feeling you’d felt budding the entire night-you’d never think you’d feel it again-much less for a one-night stand. 

It was a big and overwhelming feeling as you looked to the sleeping man in your arms, looking like a sweet angel even in his slumber.

You felt a sudden urge to lean down and kiss him on the forehead, tuck back the loose strands of hair that fell across his face, trace your fingers over the complexion of freckles on his-

Fuck. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Suddenly the room felt unbearably hot, smothering you until you could barely breath properly.

You needed to get out of here. Now.

**

Felix woke up the next morning with a yawn, stretching like a cat and reaching over to...?

He flipped over and...you were gone? The bed was cold. You’d been gone for a while. Maybe, you’d just gone to the bathroom or-

Felix threw the covers off and jumped out of bed, quickly throwing on some clothes before walking out of his room.

Maybe you’d be in the kitchen, making breakfast or drinking coffee. You’d greet him with a soft smile and a ‘Good morning sunshine!’

His fantasy was short-lived as all he found was Chan in the kitchen, sitting with a glass of water and a piece of toast on the barstool-the same one that you’d sat on last night.

Chan looked up as he entered the room. “Morning.” He nodded, lacking the nice way your voice rolled when you spoke, making shivers run down his spine.

“Morning.” Felix couldn’t coat the disappointment in his reply.

Luckily, Chan sensed nothing out of the ordinary as he continued eating, taking another bite before swallowing. “By the way, don’t care if you bring someone home but keep it down next time will you? You woke me and probably the entire apartment complex up.”

He froze and turned to look at the older man, blush coating his face, “O-oh, you uh, heard that huh?”

He snorted. “You could say that. I heard a lot of things I didn’t want nor need to hear last night.”

“Stoooop!” Felix covered his pink cheeks with his hands. 

He was never going to be able to ever live this down. 

Chan shrugged with a smirk before as if trying to be casual, clearing his throat. “So, (Y/N) huh?”

His ears perked at her name. “Yeah...by the way, did you see her leaving this morning? She just left without waking me up or anything...”

Taking another bite, he shook his head wordlessly. “Nope. Besides, she doesn’t really date much. Isn’t really the type to wake the other party up when she leaves more like leave the bed cold-or so I’ve heard.”

At the way Felix’s face dropped at the accuracy of his situation Chan stuttered, trying to backtrack. “Uh, I-i mean-you never know! I can...give you her number, send her a quick text to check up y’know.”

“Ah, no that’s okay.”

Chan nodded awkwardly. “Do you want me to show you around today? School starts soon and you should really learn your way around.”

Distracted in the way he mechanically got water from the tap, Felix replied without even looking up at his hyung. “Yeah, yeah. Sure, we can do that. Not like I have anything better to do.”

A/N: Sorry about my little obsession w/ Felix’s freckles but like, how could you not? I left this open for a pt.2 so lmk if you wanna see that, my requests are open and the rules are here

[catalina-infanta]

The Question of the Collar & the Dark Rise Trilogy

I am pro collar. And Ill tell you why.

I have been seeing a couple posts on this topic and people go back and forth, but none have fully encapsulated what I see as being one of the biggest reasons I believe the collar is consensual and probably a kink. I also think there is a possibility it also allows free will, but today I shall argue for why I believe it’s consensual on James’s part, because that is where the doubt lies within the fandom it seems. It is very clear to me that Will is erotically enticed by the collar also, but who really needs convincing of that?

So, firstly, there are so many instances where we see that James is visibly turned on by the collar. See how Will acknowledges James in the quote below as looking already surrendered, and going “pliant as if the same hot gold ran like sweet need through his veins” :

James is clearly very turned on by the collar, it’s in the text in many instances. The words used here are evocative: need, pliant, sweet, and hot.  Where do you see that kind of language other than in the erotica and romance genres? It then goes on to talk about how his shirt is open, how his eyes are glazed, and how he is “yielding”. Basically, this is a sex scene without the sex. The collar is an object of lust for the duo, and this is being communicated to the audience. Authors, when writing, do not use evocative language by accident. No. They paint a picture with words to influence their readers emotionally in the direction they want our minds to go. Every detail is planted on purpose when you are a good author. And Pacat is a good author!

But there is so much more. Here, in the next scene, James is seen wetting his lips:

Wetting one’s lips is a sign of attraction. If you don’t believe me, just Google it! We also have another scene where James’s pupils are blown wide when watching the collar in the throne room scene; yet another physical sign of attraction in a human being and something we see in novels all the time.

But Pacat goes further than just showing the physical signs of being turned on. If Anharion consented to a collar that controls him (to what extent it controls him, we are still unsure) we should see the signs that this is something he is possibly interested in emotionally. Or at least, something Anharion was interested in and James responds to at least on some level. And there are so, so many signs. This is shown through what he likes, shown through what he does, says, and what others say about him (not just Will, but Sinclair as well as others). Why is Pacat seeding all these comments about James’s need to serve, to please, other than to put in our minds that there is an aspect of James/Anharion's character that this is something he likes, and that it is a possibility that the collar might have been his choice in the past? It’s a kink for sure, and something James may determine he is not interested in in the next book, but for the sake of argument, look at the screencaps below:

Will is picking up on something about James’s personality, and James is relieved and perhaps surprised that he has been so transparent. It is clear to Will that James likes to take orders. After all, before he was Sinclair’s (the Dark Lord’s) man, he was the exemplary novitiate, wasn’t he?

In an even better example of this below, we see him kind of asking Will that Will's request for James to come to him after opening the gate become an order. But, why ask this? What purpose does it serve James to make Will give him an order? Why does James want it to be an order?

Will catches on and gets it, equally turned on. His lips curl (in a smile) and lowering your lashes is a sign of submission in human interaction; James is lowering his lashes showing submission to Will. James is aroused here too, because in the next moment he asks Will to kiss him.

We have it from others perspectives too, here below, we have Sinclair telling James he likes to serve, he is a born submissive and to “belong” to someone, echoing what James himself has said to Will countless times:

And just to top this with a cherry, Sinclair’s scene with James he tells us James, upon a successful mission, liked being praised and “sitting at his feet”. This calls to mind the imagery of the chain at the bottom of the throne.  

In terms of similar character types in Pacat's work, Erasmus from Captive Prince comes to mind. He was a collared slave and we get some glorious descriptions with him being quite the submissive with the “lowered lashes” (ring any bells?) :

May I just interject to reiterate that the language around the collar is really so sexual, I don’t think I need to post more about this, because some of the screencaps above illustrate this, but I am sure you can all imagine and remember how you felt reading those scenes; they were enticing. I just cant imagine Pacat would use such romantic, erotic, and lush imagery if this collar were the instrument of coercion, compulsion, and humiliation, and even possible r*pe, that we are supposed to think because this is YA fantasy genre and not horror. Someone might argue that they weren’t sleeping together when Anharion was wearing the collar, but I would counter-argue that of course they were! Everyone who knew about the Dark King and his Betrayer knew they were in a romantic relationship, from James’s father, to Gauthier, to Kettering. And we are only supposed to think the collar is all these bad things based off the second hand knowledge passed down by characters like Gauthier, or the vague and evasive language used in the last chapter by both James and the narration (but this is not really shown by James's feelings when he has it put on him). But when James first puts it on, he is described as “hating how good it felt” as well as having some rather erotic flashbacks to Anharion and Sarcean (and that didn’t sound coerced to me, it sounded romantic and swoon-worthy, it sounded like he was being "filled up" which is a way my old therapist friend used to describe being emotionally fulfilled by one's partner). So, why would the principle couple be one that started in coercion and assault? Maybe this is something else being said by Pacat about purity culture, and how there is nothing morally wrong with kink as long as the two are consenting, loving adults who trust each other? James CLEARLY trusts Will to "hold the key" so to speak as he asks him to in the throne room. Just because some of us dont explore our sexuality in this way doesn't make it wrong and I think Pacat is challenging the readers (as Will is being challenged) to reconsider their biases about what is "wrong" not through the lens of what other people think but through what two people feel is right in the loving and trusting relationship that they have together through Total Power Exchange. This is not a story about abuse. Who would want to read that?

No, this is something else in my opinion. I think the collar is completely in line with the desires of Sarcean and Anharion, and their reincarnations are now echoing those desires thousands of years later and they will see whether it is ultimately something that they want to explore together in the next book. The collar was consensual: it is not in line with the YA romance fantasy genre to have a couple start out so grossly abusive towards each other, especially when the language is evocative of romance, and the personalities are showing desire. I think we are meant to challenge our assumptions here about people and what is considered “normal” instead of just thinking if a couple doesn’t fit our idea of a perfect mold that there must be something wrong with them. Also, please remember that Pacat is twisting our heads in one direction with the characters own misconceptions and half truths, when I believe he is planting enough evidence to surprise us (and Will) in the last novel with the revelation that has been hidden in plain sight all along: that Sarcean wasn't hurting Anharion. On the contrary. He was freeing him.

[alonetimelover]

Action! - tolerate it - 2020

Pairings: Harry Styles x Director!Reader

Summary: YN sees how much Harry is distancing himself from her and their relationship. She decides to confront him, not realising the cascade of events about to happen and the feelings she had buried within herself.

Warnings: angst! swearing, mention of unfaithfulness

Word count: ~3,0k

A/N: Another one based on a song, like the title says: tolerate it by Taylor Swift. Hope you enjoy it! x

requested by @abbeyroad069 I hope it meets your expectations 💗

part 2 - champagne problems

series masterlist let's talk about action!universe

20th of June was, like any day in California, warm and sultry.

Sun high above illuminating his face through the dimmed windows. Book that she recommended to him in his hands, flipping pages from time to time, annotating it. Scribbling in his notebook after having found a noteworthy quote. His hair falling into place like dominoes, the pink hair-slide having been forgotten from the gym the other day. Rolled up sleeves, showing his multiple tattoos and shorts, short enough to give her a peak of his Brazil one. 

She was sitting opposite him watching. Observing his head hanging low, reading the book she loved so much. His chest was rhythmically lifting with each of the deep and calm breath. His left hand, folding down the pages he’d already read. The right one fiddling with the pencil. 

She noticed everything he did and didn’t do. 

She sat and watched him. 

“I can feel your eyes on me, baby,” Harry spoke without sparing her a glance. “You’re staring.”

“I’m admiring.” Scrutinising. 

Harry closed the book and turned to her, “are you?”

“Yeah.”

“Not now, at least. Also that plant hasn’t changed since the day we bought it,” he noted, noticing her eyes watching the flower. 

He was wrong. Not for the first and probably last time. That plant was the fourth she brought to their shared house. The first one, that Harry was alluding to, was overwatered, because before it, YN hadn’t known much about plants and had thought they needed water like people, every day. But it was succulent. YN replaced it within two weeks. 

The second plant, a completely different one - a fuchsia, didn’t last longer. This one being unfortunately knocked over by a dog of YN’s friend, and chewed on, leaving just two flowers. Nothing she could’ve done with them, she searched it up. 

The third one lasted the longest - almost three months. She only needed to replace it, having learned she was allergic to ficus. After weeks of a runny nose, sneezing whenever in a living room and lacrimation, she went to a doctor, did allergic tests and wallowed over her proud achievement that a living plant was. However, she gave it to her best friend, knowing it would be in good hands. 

Harry didn’t notice any change. It couldn’t have been easy for him though. Today was the first day in five months that he decided to actually spend time with YN. During those months he was meeting up with his new costars (of a movie YN was a director of), his management (discussing newest album), his bandmates (talking over new tour dates). All of that after having begged YN for moving in with him in LA, due to worldwide quarantine. 

“You know it’s an orchid?” She asked after some time. 

“Sure.”

“And the one we bought together was a crassula.”

“You threw away our Farquad?” He asked, exaggerating the hurt.  

 “Three months - no, wait - almost four months ago. I overwatered it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s not even the funniest part,” YN started to sound sarcastic. “I then bought a totally different plant that Doger knocked over and ate. Then another one that I - how it turned out - am allergic to. This one is the fourth plant here. I bought it two weeks ago. Isn’t it hilarious?”

“You’re being sarcastic. And I don’t even know what for, YN.” Harry reached for his book, attempting to restart the chapter. 

YN was very much surprised by how quickly and drastically the person she loved could change. One talkative person who wanted to discuss the slightest and smallest problem with his partner was not here. One caring person, who was hurt whenever his loved one was, felt absent. One gentle man, who looked after his partner trying to be the best for her lost the title.

“You understand it’s not about plants?” 

“It sounds like it is,” he said dismissively, staring at the book. 

“But it isn’t. It’s about you, about us, Harry.” She emphasised the pronoun.  

“YN,” he sighed, closing the book once again. “You’re starting this pointless argument for the third time this month.”

Fifth, she thought. It was the fifth time she tried to talk it over with Harry. Perhaps, she felt, she was misreading everything. Perhaps, the neglect she felt wasn't real. She must have been exaggerating the situation. Nothing changed. He loved her as much as yesterday or two years ago. It was pointless after all.

She was waiting by the door just like she was just a kid. Waiting, having laid the table with a ‘fancy shit’ as Harry called the tableware that he’d got from his mother. It was their anniversary. YN wanted to celebrate it simply, a cosy dinner with his favourite dish, Harry’s best wine and Phil Collins playing in the background. Nothing over the top. Just them, solemnising their third year together. 

He was late. Two and half hours late. 

Was she mad? She should have been, but was hopeful. Always putting so much faith in him. 

“What are you doing still up, love?” He asked tiptoeing into the house, five hours later.

“Happy anniversary!” 

She smiled from one ear to the other, holding up the cake she had baked by herself that morning. Even though, deep down she was sad and disappointed, celebrating this milestone was more important. They’d forget about this tardiness tomorrow, only remembering what was worth it.

“Oh! Indeed, happy anniversary, babe.” His eyes not knowing where to look. He forgot.

She hated being called babe. 

“Did you have dinner?”

“Yeah, I’m full.” He patted his stomach, simultaneously taking off his black trainers. “We went to this new sushi restaurant I’d talked to you about. It was amazing! The chef was so nice, giving me a tip on how to chop the spring onions correctly.” Oh, how eager he was about it. 

“Exciting. So you won’t be eating any tacos I made?” She asked hopefully. 

“‘M sorry, YN. I’m so tired, I'm just gonna shower and head to bed. Tomorrow’s morning I’m meeting up with Olivia to talk over the few scenes we’ve got together,” Harry said, yawning and already going up the stairs. 

Harry’s and Olivia’s characters didn’t have any scenes where they would talk with each other. 

“It’s not an argument. I want to kindly and calmly talk with you. When was the last time we actually discussed our relationship?” 

“Is there anything to discuss? We’re fine.”

“Harry,” YN sat up straight, giving Harry a pointer that he’d better listen. “You don’t only discuss your relationship when something’s wrong. And,” she paused, pondering about the next question, “you really think we’re fine?”

“Yes!” He lifted up his voice, becoming edgy. “Day after day you’re insinuating something. Just say it fucking straight, whatever that is on your heart, lay it on me.” 

If she did as he had said, would it mean the end? The confrontation was the last thing she wanted. Especially when Harry already was wired. But at the same time, when would be a better moment?

“I don’t think we’re fine. We’re growing apart,” she admitted. 

“It’s your opinion.”

“Yes, it is! Thank you for noticing, Harry,” YN expressed sarcastically. “Don’t you see how much you’ve distanced yourself from this -” She pointed between them. “This relationship?”

“Distanced? I’m working, YN. I’m trying to write an album. I’m working on three films. I’m managing a relationship with you.”

“Managing?” Her voice smaller, the weight of his words landing on her.

“Of course, it’s the only fucking thing you’ve heard. Of course.” He scoffed, shaking his head.

Harry stood up from the armchair, throwing his book on an oaken coffee table. His hands brushing over his hair and then beard, he’d grown over the quarantine. 

“It’s not. You’re working, Harry. I understand that. I see you writing music and preparing for your roles. I’m here. Just like you wanted me to be. How you begged me to be.” She tried staying as calm as possible. “I am here and you’re not.”

“What do you want me to do, YN? Hmm? I can’t be at the two places at the same time. I can’t give you as much attention as you crave. I can’t.” He was throwing his hands up and down, talking with them as well. 

“Is it craving attention by just wishing your partner was there for you?”

“You think I’m not?”

“Stop asking stupid questions, Harry!” She broke her calmness, all her feelings finally having space to leave her body. “You’re not here. Not at home, not in this relationship.”

“I just said, I can’t give you all the attention you crave, “ he repeated. 

“Love?”

“What?”

“What about love? Can you give it to me?”

“Oh, now you’re sounding ridiculous. I’m done with this conversation, YN.”

He moved swiftly over the table and rushed towards the stairs. 

“I love you, Harry. Can you say it?”

He can’t, she said in her mind, observing how his shoulders tensed, halting his movements. Then, her eyes started getting teary. But she wasn’t going to cry in front of him. No. She’d wait and just like over the last two weeks, she’d wait for him to go to sleep, then she’d sit down in the downstairs bathroom and sob. Sob for minutes or hours. Shaking with all the emotions trapped inside, hurting every inch of her body.

She knew her love should have been celebrated. 

“If it’s all in my head just tell me now,” she whispered, knowing he could hear her. “Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow. Tell me that for the last five months you haven’t lied about where you were going. Tell me that you really didn’t forget about our anniversary. Tell me that she’s not the one you’re going to every day. Tell me I’m wrong. I beg you,” she whimpered. 

Pathetic, she thought. 

He still hadn’t moved. Maybe he was preparing his apology, or a break up discourse, where YN’s thoughts. 

“YN,” Harry sighed, still not looking in her direction. 

“Tell me I’m wrong.” She pressed him. 

“I - I don’t know.”

“You don’t know if I’m wrong or you don’t know what to say?”

“I didn’t cheat on you.” His voice was low, like it wasn’t really his. 

Many would laugh but she had never thought about it. She trusted him too much to even consider it. From day one of their relationship to this day, she’d never believed any rumour, any post on social media, any article, any fan, any ‘friend’. She believed him, she believed his ‘I love you’s, his ‘I care about you’s, his ‘you’re the love of my life’, his ‘you’re the only one for me’. No doubt there. 

What she thought and worried about was him falling out of love.

And there were more and more signs it had already happened.

“I know. It never crossed my mind.”

Harry’s mood was changing constantly for the last 20 minutes. From very relaxed, to riled up, then annoyed and eventually scared. His mind was full of enigmas he couldn’t solve. Mixed emotions and feelings, messing with him. 

“Then what are you accusing me of?”

“Assuming I - we - are fine.”

“YN-”

“Harry. Be genuine. If not with me, then - then just with yourself.” The least she could do was make him realise it.

“I am. I - I am genuine. I -” he gulped. “I love you.” 

It was like a dagger stabbing her in the heart. The sentence, echoing in her brain, quizzical voices talking over each other, ragging on her. 

Where was that man who’d throw blankets over her barbed wire? She made him her temple, her mural, her sky. Temple, she went to ask for advice, direction, forgiveness and adoration. Mural, she appreciated all over and watched being appreciated by so many. Sky, she couldn’t imagine living without, looking up to it, thanking it for its presence. 

“I love you.” 

But this one was full of it, full of actual love. It could say everything just by the way she expressed it, all feelings inside it. No more to add, nothing to cut. Just three words. Three sincere words. 

“Please,” he begged, knowing what was awaiting him. “Can we go to sleep? We’ll talk about it tomorrow, I promise.”

Letting it slide would mean not talking about it until the moment she’d grow some confidence. She couldn’t do it. As much as it hurt her, what was coming, she needed to be strong. She needed to hear it. No matter the heartbreak. 

“You’ll break that promise. Promises about coming home on time, meeting me up for lunch, going with me to that new sushi restaurant, showing me your newest idea for a song. Promises you break, one after the other since February.” She stood up, walking up to him. “Promises about missing me-”

“Stop.”

“Promises about caring about me.”

“I said stop, YN.” His voice slowly gaining power. 

“Promises about loving me-”

“I said stop!” He shouted, making her flinch. “Stop it, YN! The way you feel doesn’t give you a reason to put it on me, making me feel like a monster, like the one responsible for everything.”

“But you promised all those things, not meeting them at the end.”

“So what?”

She begged her brain to play with her. He didn't just say it. 

“Harry, you lied so many times that I don’t know what’s true anymore. Last month, you talked about meeting Jeff for coffee and the next day there were photos of you with Olivia all over the internet. Few days ago you mentioned the trip with Chris and Gemma, but the same day the trip is going to be, are the days Gemma is spending at her parent’s farm and Chris is visiting our house. Today you said you loved me and - and -,” she couldn’t say it. 

This conversation felt like running up to the finish line of the run, you didn’t want to participate in. One that wouldn’t bring you fulfilment. One that would leave you sore all over, but mostly hurting your poor heart. One that the winner - you - would be an actual loser. 

He stood silently, looking down at his white socks. He couldn’t bring himself to look in her eyes. She made him aware of his feelings. Or the lack of them. This whole conversation not only angered or annoyed him but mostly made him think. Why did he lie so many times? Why couldn’t he stop? What was he thinking then and now? When did it all start? When did he lose it? Where was he, not realising he was hurting one person he promised not to lay a finger on? Why wasn't there any guilt? If so, why couldn’t he look into her eyes?

“When was the last time you asked anything about my life? Do you remember what show I’m working on? Do you remember the date we scheduled to fly to London? Do you remember anything?” She started listing everything that was bothering her.

“I told you about that new show,” she started answering for him. “Stranger Things. I wrote that one character, a guy who loves music, is an outcast. Character that is so close to my heart. One, I’m proudest of. Do you remember talking about it? Or rather me telling you about it?”

Silence. 

“What about that one conversation about going upstate to my cabin? We’re supposed to leave in three days. Or are you meeting up with Olivia to discuss scenes that you do not have together?” 

Perhaps she was jealous. And perhaps, deep down, she thought about the possibility. The infidelity. She was so stunned with the love he made her used to be, trust he provided, that the concept of him being unfaithful was buried within other problems. 

“I’ll pack some stuff and leave for a few days.” It was all he said, before moving upstairs, leaving her flabbergasted. 

Like in a trance, all feelings leaving her body, she walked to the couch and sat down. Thoughts were swirling in her mind, making her numb. She looked across the room, finding the photo of her and Harry from their first visit at Anne’s, laughing maniacally because Gemma had said something funny. It was the first time she met his family properly (in real life, not on FaceTime), seven months into the relationship. It was crazy how now she considered them her family too. Even more than her own.

Was it all going to collapse now? 

“Now, lovebirds, big smiles for the family album!” Anne shouted over Christmas music playing loudly. 

The warmth coming from the fireplace behind her, and the one provided by Harry, made her cheeks feel hot. Matching sweater she had bought for her and Harry, tickling her neck, big woollen socks she got from Gemma tucking her. They were right after the big dinner, carols singing and gifts exchanging. It all felt like Christmas portrayed in movies. 

“It’s an honour, you know,” Harry whispered. 

“What d’you mean?” She looked up at him. 

“Mum has a big album with only a few photos from each year ending up there. I think it’s the last vacant space for 2018, love.” Harry squeezed her closer to himself, cuddling her. “Now say cheese or gimme a kiss.”

“I’m not kissing you in front of your mum!” she protested with a teasing smile. 

“Don’t be a prude,” he joked. “One, little kiss?” 

“Nope.” She popped the ‘p’. 

“Don’t make me beg.” Harry pouted, stepping on the dangerous territory. His pointing finger holding her chin, making her look at him once again. 

He smirked, “you look even more beautiful today, my love.” Smirk turning into his winning smile. 

“You are unbelievable,” she shook her head, slightly puckering her lips. 

“Okay, that’s enough flirting!” Gemma yelled. “Mum snap a photo before you become grandma.”

They laughed in embarrassment but underneath feeling peaceful.

With a Gucci suitcase in hand, Harry appeared in a corner of her eye, almost swimming to the front door. 

“I’ll be back in a few days. I - I need to think about it all. I lo - I’ll see you then, YNN.” 

Just that. 

The door closed, soon being followed by the sound of the engine starting and slowly withering. 

She knew her love should’ve been celebrated. But he tolerated it.

And she did nothing.

She sat and watched him. 

[chaos0pikachu]

So I wrote a bit about the film making of The Sign already but I wanted to dive a bit more into the VFX aspects b/c the show is - justifiably imo - getting a lot of praise for their work.

So I'm going to quote this video by VFX artists that I think sums up why, overall, the CGI works in The Sign:

"It's very interesting with a smaller budget Jurassic Park was crunched into choosing their VFX shots very very wisely and they didn't hold shots for longer than they needed to."

(I recommend watching the entire video, there's a lot of great discussion and education on how VFX is done in film. They're not simply "reacting" but talking about the techniques used in the film making itself.)

This is partly what The Sign is doing really well, they're not lingering on any shots, they're using their budget well by picking the most impactful moments to include more expensive and complicated CG effects.

What I love about smaller or mid-budget films is you can tell when the crew had to get truly inventive, creative, and purposeful when choosing how to portray a specific effect or action in a scene. Jaws is one of my favorite examples of this; Jaws cost 9 million (about 51 million adjusted to inflation) in 1975, and the shark animatronics (there were 3 pieces) was difficult to work with. This led to Spielberg and the crew switching things up and going for that shark POV that's now really famous.

It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't 100% planned or originally intentional, there was an issue, and the crew reworked things within their budget so they could still accomplish their creative goals.

The iconic first scene of the t-rex in Jurassic Park is a combination of an animatronic and CGI. In the video above they talk specifically about how this was filmed, and how setting the scene at night, with a singular main light source, and covered in water, really helped make the t-rex look "real". And why that scene holds up really well even today.

The Sign has used moments of CGI very sparingly which works within the story yes by building up tension within the narrative mystery, but also in the film making. They're not overwhelming the audience with it, whilst also using real sets and props to blend in with those scenes AND using a lot of the CGI in specific spaces.

The scene in ep01 where Phaya meets the Naga for the first time is a good example; the water is dark, there's only a singular light source (above) and there's a general lack of background. With only one light source, the VFX artists don't have to worry about shading every inch of the Naga to photorealistic standards, the image doesn't have to be insanely sharp b/c the water adds a layer of blur to everything, and since it's already a mystical creature the audience already has a higher suspension of disbelief anyway making us more forgiving to the fact this is not a "real" creature.

Compare this mythical creature with the dragons from Game of Thrones:

I want to first say I do think the special effects of GOT were really good, the VFX team's work is to be appreciated. But see how there's more light sources required for these dragons? They're just not just within a limited area, they're outdoors in the open which requires more math (literally) on where the light will bounce and reflect, plus all the disparities in texture on the dragons themselves. See how parts of their wings are more noticeably red then others?

Game of Thrones was a show with millions upon millions in it's budget, so they can indulge, The Sign doesn't, so they have to be smart. And they are!

Another standout scene so far in the series as far as filmmaking goes for me is from episode05.

If you look closely you can see the edges around Phaya are a bit blurred out and rewatching the scene you can see an image of him is almost transposed over the actor as well. It gives it a pseudo 3D effect, which helps blend the actor into the fake background which makes it less obvious it's, well, fake.

Then there's the Big Moment, the reveal of our Garuda:

I'm partially not convinced this was 100% CGI I'm wondering if they used a bit of claymation or maybe a miniature or something (maybe a puppet?). The weight of the movement and body feel like something more close to the use of a puppet or animatronic than straight CGI. (If you want to read more about miniatures in film I recommend this article on Godzilla 1954!)

But what I find smart about this shot is that the focus of the camera is on the Garuda, Phaya is much smaller and lower in the frame. I say this is smart because being distance from Phaya allows for the Garuda and the background to take up more space in the frame and contrast less with the real elements, ie Phaya's real human body. It also makes the Garuda more imposing, dominating the frame at a higher angle, and gives a sense of largeness in comparison to Phaya's smaller human self.

Since the Garuda is against an already fake background there is no need for a "light source". Notice how the Garuda has no shadows or light reflections, unlike the Naga from before (or the t-rex)? This makes less work for the VFX team b/c now they don't have to math out where all the bits of shadow, light, and color textures would come from, everything is flat and singular.

Keeping the Garuda at a distance as well, means we're not looking at or for the details of their feathers, or body. We see there is texture to them, but it doesn't need to look photorealistic b/c of that distance in the frame.

Contrast it with Simba from Lion King 2019, or Detective Pikachu:

Again, I think both look very good, but they need to because the audience is so close to the characters in frame. If Pikachu or Simba didn't have this level of care and detail put in when the audience is literally right in their faces everyone would notice how fake they look and complain (I mean I still complained about Lion King but b/c it was a bad and visually boring film but the VFX team did a great job).

We know this because Ant Man Quantumania didn't put the same care and effect in and it looked horrible. Everyone clowned Modak, and fair, but it wasn't just him that looked bad. Entire set pieces look clearly fake, like why is Ant Man suddenly in Zanarkand??

In the second image, look at Scott and Cassie's clothes, you can see the light on their clothes (especially Cassie's) isn't the same as what's happening in their surrounding environment (which is a lot jfc). It's also just poor film making because the frame of both shots is cluttered to the god damn BRIM with STUFF our eyes aren't sure what to focus on. There's a lack of perspective and weight given to the scenes (compare these wide shots to Jurassic Park when our protagonists see the dinosaurs in an open field for the first time, there's a sense of WONDER). So our human characters get completely lost in the frame and feel overwhelmed entirely. They also stick out because the CGI isn't fully well rendered.

Possibly my biggest chaotic take to date, I prefer the CGI in The Sign to Ant Man 3 there I fucking said it. Ugliest MCU movie to date I said what I said.

There is at least care going into The Sign, there's thought, there's creativity, there's a sense of passion. I can forgive that the Garuda isn't photorealistic because it doesn't need to be, it needs to be visibly believable within the world it's set in and it does. The show has been very smart about when to employ it's special effects, and how to film them. It's taken care. It has more in common with films like Godzilla Minus One which had a budget of 15 million and looks phenomenal, way better than Godzilla vs Kong or what we've seen from Godzilla x Kong (which I am looking forward to b/c I'm godzilla trash).

anyway watch the sign it's gucci

[sebsxphia]

ptolemaea. | the verses.

a preacher!rhett abbott series. | preacher!rhett abbott x reader.

￫ you’re back in your home town and uncertain about your future that lies ahead of you. but, there is one man in your small town who gets your attention. one man who soothes your racing mind and guides you on the righteous path. your local town preacher, rhett abbott. he somehow already knows you inside out and he only has the best intentions for you… right? based off ethel cain’s, preacher’s daughter.

verse 1. ptolemaea. | god knows i tried.

￫ you find yourself in a confessional booth with preacher rhett abbott as he guides you on the righteous path.

verse 11. ptolemaea.

￫ you and your local town preacher, rhett abbott, spend a night together in a motel room. rhett is there to calm your racing mind and have you admit your sins.

verse 111. ptolemaea. | these crosses all over my body.

￫ preacher rhett offers you the hand of god to calm your woes.

verse 1v. ptolemaea. | the blood of christ.

￫ rhett suggests a solution that could soothe your cramps from your period.

verse v. ptolemaea. | august underground.

￫ you’re looking to take control one evening and tell your preacher to close his eyes and count to ten.

verse v1. ptolemaea. | r.a.

￫ you and your sinful preacher outline your future together in the back of his pick up truck.

verse v11. ptolemaea. | the thoroughfare motel tapes.

￫ you and rhett are nearing the end of the line and he has a sinful idea to document the beginnings of your time out west.

verse v111. ptolemaea. | the family tree in god’s country.

￫ you and rhett have finally found peace within your home, and rhett wishes to reassure you that he’ll protect you forever.

verse 1x. ptolemaea. | spirit in the basement.

￫ all you can feel and see is darkness, but someone else is there with you. you pray for your preacher in these desolate times.

ptolemaea. | the collective verses.

￫ all of the verses in one post as a book.

sunday sermons.

preacher abbott lore.

when rhett asks you to run away with him.

rhett and his cowboy hat.

riding rhett’s thigh.

troublemaker and the town pastor.

“pride is a sin, little lamb.”

rhett comforting his distraught lamb.

condoms are a sin.

convincing you not to pull out.

teaching you how to touch yourself.

“jesus’ tomb is the only thing that should be left empty today.”

wiping his spend off the corner of your mouth.

“that's not the lords word, angel.”

when you use your safe word with rhett.

squeezing your thighs during sunday sermon.

motel showers.

showing off rhett’s spend during sunday sermon.

seeing you pregnant in a sundress.

god lives on in rhett.

morning sex with rhett.

the polaroids rhett has of you.

“go fuck yourself.”

making preacher abbott a bracelet.

“am i goin’ to die for loving a man like you?”

bringing your stuffed lamb on the road out west.

your pussy and the false idols.

if rhett’s little lamb had bad anxiety.

rhett blowing smoke into your mouth.

rhett can tell when you’ve been touching yourself.

age regressing with preacher rhett.

bath time with rhett and little!reader.

preacher abbott using anointing oil as lube.

preacher abbott learning to braid little lambs hair.

un-lit cigarette between his lips.

preacher abbott’s cross dangling over you.

standing by the motel window with a cigarette.

rhett helping his precious little lamb have a smoke.

fucking his little lamb to sleep.

rhett helping you grieve.

finishing on little lamb’s stomach.

what if it was a dream?

a polaroid of willoughby rhett.

rhett wearing little lamb’s promise ring.

“yeah, i fuckin’ better be.”

preacher abbott watching little lamb pray.

willoughby rhett since they left.

willoughby rhett and the slaughter.

preacher abbott’s tattoo and little lambs thoughts.

in another life.

a quote, by little lamb.

preacher abbott, little lamb and their kitchen sink.

half return, by adrianne lenker.

the subconscious haunting of little lamb.

willoughby rhett and preacher rhett in the church basement.

preacher abbott testing the waters.

preacher abbott massaging your sore breasts.

sunday hymns.

listen to the appropriate music whilst reading here.

sunday reflections.

nighttime with preacher abbott on the road out west.

the sights out west with preacher abbott.

little lamb’s nightmares as they lie asleep next to preacher abbott.

the cannibalistic love preacher rhett has for his little lamb.

little lamb’s home town and where preacher rhett came to pray.

god knows i tried.

r.a.

the thoroughfare motel tapes.

you're just a feral dog i worship in bedroom ceremonials.

little lambs home with preacher abbott out west.

willoughby rhett abbott.

little lamb i.

little lamb ii.

thoroughfare.

[ thank you @h0neyfire for the wonderful photos! <3 ]

[ultra-raging-ghost]

Alright. Imma just say it. Something is wrong with the theme park and Ollie. Because at first, it just seems really sweet right? Ollie seems charming and super nice to Bad- a true friend, if you will. But what initially started out as "getting help" for a "surprise for cucurucho" in the form of a ferris wheel turned into Bad being responsible for an entire theme park. Ok. But like. Why tho.

Also what is up with the snakes and raccoons that just randomly appear every time Bad tries to show the bunny workers his work- therefore inadvertently causing him problems that lead to bad reviews by the bunnies. And more importantly: Bad owing Cucurucho more debt each time.

There's something interesting about that last part and this whole situation intrigues me so much if Cucurucho really is manipulating Bad into becoming closer, and ultimately, slowly integrate him into the Federation.

- alchemicaladarna

EXACTLY

see the thing is i have to agree with bad that i think cucuruchos setting bad up for a debt payment so theyre forced to interact daily! Like a baby trap but with financials kjkhjgvhjbnjk

i wrote this in a post like i think two ish days ago that cucurucho seems to be testing bads boundaries, which includes forcing bad to somehow pay cucurucho or be in debt to cucurucho, both things which bad hates because he really likes being at the top of the ladder on the richness scale!! Like he checks that stupid thing so often just to make sure hes still at the top when in reality theres like a 10K GAP between him and the second richest person on the server

Like its so sus how this is the second time cucuruchos made bad indebted to him within the past couple days. And bad really couldve just refused to pay cucurucho back (it was just a netherite block that bad didnt even have that we WATCHED cucurucho destroy) but instead bad bended and said that he'd find a way to pay cucurucho back even if getting a fucking BLOCK OF NETHERITE would take FOREVER

AND THE THING IS!!!! THE THING IS!!!! I am 90% confident cucurucho didnt expect bad to be honest and give him back that whole stack of netherite blocks, it was a VERY OBVIOUS TEMPTATION to try and get bad to refuse to give them back but instead he did so and cucurucho panicked and decided to fabricate a false debt on his own

But the thing is, a block of netherite is something one can forget about especially when bad doesnt actually have it, so instead he made bad in debt with something a little more tangible, something bad cant just give back to him all at once (or that he didnt want to - of course bad could do it he has WELL over 12k but bad hoards his money like a dragon). So instead cucurucho charged bad an exuberant price for something he shouldnt have even known existed just so bad would be forced to interact with him and go out of his way to give him exactly 12 coins a day!! Cucurucho was even nice enough to take 3k off just because he likes bad (thats a quote, that was crazy)!!!

AND cucurucho did the math in his head, if bad were to stick to their debt agreement bad would be paying him back for a little under 3 years !!! Bro had a fucking calculator on hand!!! 2.74 years i believe were his calculations, a thousand days!! Bro is counting!!!

like im just saying its so sus,, its so sus i UNDERSTAND and i hope its on purpose and that they DO SOMETHING WITH IT!!!

AND SIDE NOTE!!!! THESE BUNNIES ARE SO CRINGEFAIL!!!! WHY ARE ALL OF THEM ALWAYS ON HALF A HEART???? The bear fed workers werent doing allat!!!!! It seems like every time a rabbit is around bad theyre always on 2 hearts constantly getting downed, every other time bad sees ollie hes picking her up from getting downed, he had to save the two tie rabbits several times today, sipi kept getting downed, etc. etc. that cant not be planned, its like they go out of their way to be weak to be able to make these accusations that cause bad to get fined that cause him to be in debt like THATS CRAZY RIGHT???

I dont think i saw any bear fed workers get downed until fucking CELLBIT started killing them, and pre-theme park weve rarely/never seen a bunny properly get downed, even when they were around bad, Ronnie was mostly stalking and hiding and jumping around and excited, they didnt get downed nearly as much!!! Its crazy!!!

EDIT: EDITING THIS TO SAY. LOWEST OF KEYS. REALLY SUS THAT OLLIE CLAIMED IT WAS FOR A CELEBRATION FOR CUCURUCHO, BUT REFUSED TO ELABORATE ON WHICH CELEBRATION... BAD ASKED IF IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY OR LIKE A BOSS APPRECIATION DAY OR SOMETHING AND SHE JUST AGREED NONCOMMITTALLY AND REFUSED TO ELABORATE.. A LITTLE ODDDDD

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

The Knight & His Queen: Part 1

Fic Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist

Dieter Bravo x OFC

Summary: While looking for the perfect Christmas gift for his niece, Dieter Bravo finds himself in a small mystic shop, owned by the sweet and eccentric Amina. After an impromptu tarot reading with unexpected and surprising results, the two quickly find themselves entranced by each other.

Warnings: Spicy language, alcohol consumption, smut, & mentions of drug use. Mystical topics such as tarot readings, spirit guides, chakras, etc. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Chapter Quote: “The first one’s free. That’s how I get you hooked.”

Amina POV

My Monday morning started like most of my days had recently. I woke up…alone. Even though it had been seven months since splitting from a long-term relationship, it was still weighing on me. I was such a mixed bag of emotions, struggling with loneliness but also swearing off men for the foreseeable future. I felt stuck and unsure of my path forward after watching all of my plans crumble down before me within hours, altering all aspects of my life. All because my significant other suddenly decided he needed someone a little less eccentric for his corporate lifestyle.

I was finally settled into my small LA apartment, everything was unpacked, but it still didn’t feel like home. As I lay staring at the ceiling, I could feel a dark shadow over the place. Like this wasn’t where I was supposed to be or like an important piece of my life was missing. 

I was jolted out of my thoughts when my long-haired black cat, Miss Pickles, jumped up on top of me. Her intense green eyes showed her annoyance that breakfast had not yet been served. She gave a low growl before rubbing her head roughly against my chin. 

“Alright, alright, I’m getting up,” I said to her with a huff. 

There was a chill in the air as I made my way to the kitchen to portion out a bit of premade raw food onto Pickles' recycled green glass plate. She sat on the counter, impatiently whipping her tail about as she watched me prepare her meal, then meowed excitedly when I sat her plate on the food mat. She wasted no time digging in. I gave her a quick scratch above her tail as I walked toward the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. 

I emerged from my bedroom, wrapping a deep forest green scarf around my neck. I grabbed a dark red coatigan from the closet and shrugged it on over my olive green tee, kicking my favorite brown leather lace-up boots out of the closet as I did so. After putting my boots on, I walked over to the island, digging through my large brown leather satchel to make sure I had everything I needed for the day. Pickles walked over to paw at the feathers clipped into my wavy black hair. I paused my movements, laughing at her sudden attack, before giving her a quick pat on the head. She stood, swatting me with her tail as she turned to paw at my tarot deck that I was about to stick in my bag. She let out a loud meow as she looked at me, then back to the deck. I sighed. 

“Why bother? You know it’s gonna be the same thing that it’s been for the last seven months.” 

She meowed at me again, “Fine… but don’t get mad when I say I told ya so.” 

I grabbed the deck, tapped it three times, then did a quick shuffle before pulling my one card for the day. Death. Again. The end of possibilities in one aspect with a transformation on the horizon. Clearly, I had not let go of whatever baggage I was holding onto from my past since the spirit guides were still telling me to move on and close that door before the next could be opened. I rolled my eyes, grabbing the card pouch to pack them away and toss them in my bag. 

I sighed, “See, what did I tell you? The same damn thing.” 

Pickles whipped her tail out of frustration and meowed again before jumping down to go sit in her window. 

“I’ll see you after work. Please try to stay out of trouble today,” I added before grabbing my bag and heading out the door. 

I walked two blocks in the crisp December air to my shop, Enchanted Curios, that I opened five years ago. It was a mystic shop of sorts, with carefully curated spiritual items from all over the world. Anything from books, herbs, crystals, totems, elixirs, and home decor lined the shelves. It was fairly popular since there was a little something for everyone. It was one of the things that made me too eccentric for my ex. He had wanted me to give it up for something more fitting to his high class persona. The judgy looks he got when he shared what his fiancé did for a living was too much for his fragile ego to handle. He had set foot into a world that was no longer compatible with mine and it became the final crack in our already crumbling relationship. 

I entered through the front door of the shop, turning on the pink neon sign that indicated we were open for business before making my way around to turn on all the other displays and diffusers for the day. I could hear the shop manager and my best friend, Heidi, in the back near the loading dock talking to one of the delivery guys as he carted in boxes off his truck. Once they were finished with the delivery, Heidi dramatically walked through the beaded curtain from the back, “Good morning, Mina.” She was a little too chipper for it to be so early. 

“That must have been the cute delivery guy from the candle place,” I said with a smirk. 

“It was. I’m pretty sure he was flirting with me this time. I think I’m gonna ask him for his number when he comes back.” 

She looked energized and excited by the thought of this as she bounced on the balls of her feet. 

“Did you pull a card today?” Her mood shifted, more serious now as she took in my glum expression. 

“I did. Still the same.” I rolled my eyes as I moved to straighten up the counter displays. 

“Maybe you should try dating again or something. Wouldn’t that help take your mind off you-know-who?” She moved to lean against the edge of the counter on the opposite side from me. 

“Ugh, I don’t think I’m ready for that. I just don’t trust my judgment when it comes to men right now. I’m feeling a little vulnerable and I don’t want a rebound thing, you know what I mean? I don’t want things to get messy.” 

“What if you knew what to look for? Take out some of the guessing. The cards can give you an idea.” She was practically vibrating at the thought. Heidi was new to tarot reading, but she was a natural, immediately in tune with her intuition. She wanted to do a reading for anything and everything at this point just for practice.

I gave her a dismissive laugh as I shook my head, “You’re too much sometimes.” 

“No, I’m serious. Let me do a three card spread for you. Let’s see what happens.” 

I gave her an admonishing look, not wanting to go down that road, but she wouldn’t let it go as she reached for her deck under the counter with a grin. 

“Ok, fine. I’ll humor you,” I relented, leaning against the counter to watch her work. 

Heidi went through her routine of shuffling and clearing the cards before pulling the first one. 

“Ok, so this card represents you, the Queen of Cups. Full of compassion, creativity, and intuition. Well grounded, sensitive, and empathetic… this card is associated with water which can be gentle, but powerful when needed. Also, the Pisces star sign…” She raised an eyebrow at me, questioning if that was correct. I nodded. She looked pleased with herself before continuing. She pulled the second card, the Knight of Wands.

“This card represents your ideal partner…interesting. He’s gonna have that masculine fire energy and lots of charisma. That’s definitely not you-know-who…” She had a smirk on her face as she glanced in my direction, waiting for a reaction. 

“Ha ha. You’re hilarious,” I said sarcastically, before waving for her to continue. 

“So, your guy is most likely gonna be either a Leo, Sagittarius, or Aries. A very passionate and enthusiastic lover. Probably adventurous in the bedroom too…I feel like you could use a little adventure in your life.” She busted out laughing as she watched my eyes widen in horror at her words. 

I shook my head, “Was it that obvious?” Heidi nodded, “I could tell just by looking at the guy that he probably wasn’t a good time. Too uptight for that.” 

I chuckled, “I guess there’s no hiding that my sex life has been very vanilla then. I sure know how to pick em…”  

Heidi laughed before continuing, “Ok, I feel like this guy is gonna be super energetic and bold. Maybe even a little eccentric and spiritual in his own way. He’ll probably love attention and be a little impulsive and impatient…but your water energy could help him balance those things out.”

“Great…so a man child then. Got it.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes at her. 

She gave me a pointed look, “Come on, be a little open minded…please. It might help get that death card out of your life.” 

I raised a brow at her, not at all encouraged or impressed by her words. She shook her head at me as she pulled the third card from the deck, the lovers. She inhaled deeply, eying it in the spread, “Well…this card is meant to tell us what your relationship would be like if you found this person.”

We stared at each other for a beat, both of us surprised by the pull. “Well, I feel like that’s a long term sort of meaning behind it. A serious connection of souls…like a true life partner…a spiritual connection with a strong bond. It’s an honest relationship of trust and respect for each other…which you totally didn’t have before...” 

A sly grin spread across her face. She seemed pretty damn proud of herself. 

“I don’t believe that. That sort of thing doesn’t exist,” I said, shaking my head as I made my way toward the front display window to place one of my handmade statues in a recently vacated spot from a sale. As I stood arranging it just right, a young girl, possibly in her teens, stopped to admire the display. She was soon joined by a tall man that I didn’t pay much attention to. I smiled politely at the girl before walking back toward the counter. 

I noticed Heidi had focused on the two figures outside as I approached her, “Ooof, Mina, I think that guy was checking you out. He’s kinda hot.”     

“He’s with a kid, I’m sure he’s married…Not interested,” I shot back without even giving him a second glance. I heard her huff out a sigh of defeat beside me as I moved to pick up the cards off the counter, accidentally dropping a few in my haste. All were facing downward on the floor, except one…the Fool. I suddenly felt goosebumps form on my skin as I looked back toward the front store window to see the man and young girl continuing down the sidewalk until they were out of sight.   

“Mina, you ok?” Heidi asked suddenly with a concerned look. 

“Yeah, I just…never mind.” I furrowed my brow, confused by the shift in energy that I had just felt. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, leaning down to pick up the cards.

As the day turned to evening, I forgot about the odd feeling I had. Choosing to focus on updating inventory instead. I was standing by the side wall double checking numbers when I heard the low tinkling of the bell above the front entrance. When I turned, still looking down at my clipboard, I nearly crashed into a towering stranger.

“Oh geez! I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed, nearly dropping my pen and clipboard over his sudden appearance. 

When I finally looked up at him, he had a half smile on his pillowy lips as he slowly slid his dark sunglasses down his nose before removing them altogether. I noticed he had what looked like a bullseye tattoo on his left hand, just between the thumb and index finger. His chocolate eyes were wide as he took in my expression. He didn’t say anything at first, looking just as surprised as I was. I laughed nervously under his gaze, “Umm, did you need help finding something?” 

“Uhhh, yeah, sorry. I was…um outside earlier with my niece. She noticed the…statues in the window.”

He held my gaze, not blinking as his eyes darted around my face. I could feel the energy shifting again causing goosebumps to form all over my body. 

“Oh, the magical creature collection?” I raised my brows in question. 

“Yeah, she’s been looking for one of the horse things with wings. Do you know if they make one of those?” He scratched at his patchy beard, looking unsure of himself.

“I don’t have any made right now, but I would be happy to do a custom piece for you.” I smiled nervously as he processed what I was saying, realizing that he actually looked a little high.   

“Ohh, so you make them? That’s… amazing.” He sighed in relief, visibly relaxing some. “Is that something you could have done before Christmas? I don’t want to put you in a tough spot with it.” 

“Absolutely, let me just run and grab the custom order forms.” My smile widened as I moved toward the checkout counter. I passed through the beaded curtain in a flurry, looking through the supplies on the shelf. Heidi appeared next to me from the office asking where the fire was. 

“I need a custom order form.” I could feel my heart rate picking up. 

“Why?” She asked as she peeked through the curtain. “Is that the guy from earlier…with the kid?”

I responded with a clipped tone as I turned to face her, “Yes. Where are the forms?”

“Under the counter, where they always are…” 

She was staring at me with wide eyes and a smirk, “What’s gotten into you?” 

“Nothing, I just couldn’t find them,” I said over my shoulder as I went back out front toward the checkout counter. I took the opportunity to get a better look at him from a distance as he looked around the shelves. He had dark brown hair that looked like it had been carefully crafted into a messy style, sticking out in all directions. He was wearing a gray and black zebra print sweater with dark cargo pants and lace up boots. I could see the glint of a small silver hoop in his left ear lobe and a couple of large rings on his left hand. He definitely had some interesting style choices.

After I found the forms, I made my way back over to him. As I approached, he nearly dropped the wolf figure incense burner he had been inspecting, before quickly sitting it back on the shelf and patting the top of it for good measure. He quickly turned to face me with a crooked grin on his face as he squeezed his hands together. 

“So, you said she wants a Pegasus sculpture, right?” I asked, scribbling notes on the order form. 

He nodded, “Yes, but not a white one. She was pissed that they’re always white.”

I quirked an eyebrow in his direction, waiting for him to clarify.

“She said she wants a dark one… I guess maybe black? I think flat black is boring though… maybe you could add undertones of purple and blue? Sort of like a Raven’s feathers… but also make it pretty.” 

“Pretty?” I raised both brows at him this time, unsure of what he meant. 

“She’s thirteen, do with that what you will,” he added, shrugging at his explanation. 

I nodded, figuring that probably meant a long flowing mane and some girly teenage flare. 

“How big would you like this to be…height wise?” I was still scribbling notes as I waited for him to respond.

“What’s the biggest you make?” 

I paused, that wasn’t a normal question. It was usually ‘how small can you make them’ because of the cost. I looked up at him, gauging his reaction, “Twelve inches…those are pricey though.” 

“Oh, I don’t care about that…it cost what it cost. Also…I noticed you have crystals. Do you think you could add some in around the base? That would be cool, right?” 

He briefly looked excited by the idea, but then he pinched his brows together in question, suddenly unsure of himself again. 

“Yeah, that actually would be. I’ve never thought of doing that…” 

I was surprised by his suggestion as I watched his lopsided grin return. He suddenly looked like a big fluffy dog who was excited about being called a ‘good boy’. His brown eyes further added to the illusion by sparkling brightly and crinkling at the corners. I was momentarily transfixed by him, before snapping back to reality. 

I cleared my throat before looking down to scribble a couple more notes on the order form as I spoke up. 

“So, I’ll do a mockup drawing for your approval. I’ll also pull some paint samples and crystals for you to look over. I have some new iridescent paint shades that I haven’t used yet that I think will look really neat on this piece.” 

When I looked back up, he was intently staring at me with wide eyes. Once he realized I was done speaking, he nodded enthusiastically with a small smile on his face. He had odd mannerisms, but there was something almost endearing behind them. 

“Hey, I noticed the tarot reading sign...I’ve never done that before, is that something you do…personally?” 

Heidi suddenly appeared at my side, “Yes, she does do them, and she is excellent at it. Would you like a reading? I can go grab the deck for you…” She glanced toward me, widening her eyes and raising her brows, silently telling me to do it as she nudged me toward the small bistro table where we did the readings.

“That’s…I would love that.” His lopsided grin returned as he closed his hands into fists at his sides, almost vibrating from excitement. He seemed to radiate a childlike energy that was kind of infectious. I couldn’t help but to smile over his enthusiasm. 

“Yeah, just have a seat. Is there something specific you need guidance on or want to ask the cards?” I questioned as I sat down across from him, moving the decorative crystal ball out of the way to make space for the spread. 

He seemed to be momentarily distracted by the decoration as I pushed it out of the way, “It’s not real. I think it’s just a glass paperweight actually…” 

He chuckled, reaching to run his hand over the wooden stand holding the ball, “I was just admiring the detail in the base. I love elephants.”

I gave him a small smile as he met my gaze, “I do too. That’s why I got it.” 

Heidi reappeared at my side with the deck and gently set it in front of me. I picked it up, taping three times before shuffling.

“So, what would you like to know about?” I asked him. 

“I’m not sure…I didn’t know I would be doing this. What do people typically ask about?” He scratched at his chin, seeming unsure of himself again. 

“Oh, you know…jobs, money, major life decisions…” I replied.

Heidi cut in, “Or relationships…love.” I narrowed my eyes at her, and she gave the both of us a beaming smile in response. 

The man laughed, “My love life is a disaster. It seems I keep going after the wrong kind of people. I’ve kind of given up on all that.” 

He glanced over at me, but quickly diverted his eyes to look down at his hands on the table. 

Heidi’s eyes lit up and her smile grew impossibly wider, “You know…you could do the three card spread for him. To see what characteristics his ideal partner would have.” 

I furrowed my brows at her. What the hell was she up to? 

“You know…the one I did earlier this morning.” She gave me a pointed look. 

“That might be interesting to know,” the man said in a low voice. “Yeah, let’s do that. Maybe it’ll change my life,” he chuckled as he relaxed back into his seat. 

I gave him a tight lipped smile as butterflies formed in the pit of my stomach. I shuffled the deck a few more times for good measure just to make sure Heidi wasn’t up to some funny business. 

“Ok. Let’s get started then…” 

The handsome stranger raised his brows and leaned forward in his seat to get a better look at what I was doing. His energy shifted to something more serious and intense as he awaited the outcome. I pulled the 3 cards, leaving them face down to add a little dramatic effect. When I flipped the first card, my breath nearly caught in my throat. It was the Knight of Wands. I suddenly felt Heidi’s hand resting firmly in my shoulder. She didn't have to say anything for me to know what she was thinking. My eyes shifted upward to meet his. He seemed to sense my hesitation as a concerned look formed on his face. 

“This card represents you and who you are as a person. Is your star sign a Leo?” I didn’t know that for sure, but my gut said it was. 

His mouth hung open slightly, “Yeah…how - how did you know that?” 

I smirked at him, “This card represents someone who is either a Leo, Aries, or Sagittarius. My gut said Leo.” 

“I’m an Aries moon,” he added as the corner of his mouth lifted. 

Heidi interjected, “Ooooh, doubling down on that fire energy…nice.” 

She winked at me, then they both laughed as I shot her a dirty look before continuing, “The Knight of Swords tells me you're adventurous, but not in a typical or expected sort of way. You tend to be passionate and creative about your endeavors and full of confidence and enthusiasm. Your charismatic energy often attracts people to you...You can be a little impulsive with your choices, so it might be a good idea to slow down and think through things every once in a while.” 

He was listening attentively, now leaning forward with his elbow on the table, “That is freakishly accurate, and I humbly accept that advice.” 

I gave him a half smile as I moved to flip the second card, “This card represents your ideal partner…” I paused, looking down at the card in shock. It was the Queen of Cups. There was no way this was actually happening. What were the odds?

I glanced up at Heidi, who was covering her mouth with her hand, her eyes round. She was just as shocked as I was. The stranger glanced between us with a perplexed look. I cleared my throat before speaking again, “The Queen of Cups represents the star signs Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio…. the water signs. This person would balance out your fire energy and bring emotional stability and compassion to the relationship. They would be very in tune with your feelings…an excellent communicator. They’ll probably have a creative side that you would strongly connect with. They would also be very intuitive when it comes to making decisions, which could help balance out your impulsive habits.” 

The man exhaled slowly, “Wow. That’s…that is life changing. I’ve clearly been going for the wrong type,” he chuckled in astonishment. 

I was still reeling from the cards, almost afraid to flip the third. I felt a little lightheaded and had a chill creeping up my spine. I forced a smile before reaching for the last card. It was the Lovers. Heidi let out a low, “Holy shit,” as she took in the spread. 

“What’s wrong, is that a bad card?” The man asked with a worried tone. 

Heidi chuckled before walking toward the beaded curtain, shaking her head as she went, quickly disappearing to the back. I let out a nervous laugh, meeting his gaze before responding, “No, it’s…not a bad card. It’s ideal actually. It represents the overall energy of the relationship…long term. It shows a meaningful and honest connection between partners. Like a soulmate type situation…an intense emotional and sexual connection. A strong harmonious bond, two opposites that make a whole.” 

The tension left his body as he sunk back into his seat, considering my words. “That’s…a lot to take in. I didn’t think there was potential for something like that…for me.” 

His brows pinched together as he studied me, the gears in his head working to make sense of it all. 

“Can the cards tell me when I’ll meet this person…or what I need to do to find them?” 

He seemed almost desperate now. Like he finally had the answers to something that had plagued him for an eternity and needed to act on it at once. 

“I mean, they don’t give specifics, obviously…but we can see what they have to say. I’ll pull one more and see what we get.” 

I reached for the deck to pull one additional card. When I flipped it in my hand, I paused briefly, feeling another wave of goosebumps breakout across my body. It was the Fool. I inhaled deeply, tilting my head to the side as my eyes met with his beautiful brown ones. They were rounded with anticipation. I set the card down, face up. 

“I’m not really sure how to interpret this. The fool isn’t necessarily associated with time…it usually means new beginnings or a new journey. An unexpected opportunity you should immediately take the chance on when it’s presented. So maybe you’ve already met the person and you just need to take the leap to give it a try? Or maybe it could happen at any time at an unexpected moment?” 

I could feel my heart rate picking up again…I was feeling something, but what, I was unsure. The man chewed on his plump bottom lip as he studied me, digesting my words. He raised his brows, “Well that certainly gives me something to think about.” 

I gave him a small smile, “Indeed. That’s…a lot to process,” for the both of us…

Our eyes locked for a moment, before I shook my head to clear it and looked away. 

“Umm so, your order…” I reached for the clipboard I had set to the side. “I need you to fill in this top part with your contact information. I’ll shoot you a text once I have the mock up ready so you can come in to look at it and the samples for approval.” 

When I met his eyes again, there was something different about his expression. I felt like he was looking into my soul. It also made me clench my thighs together, that familiar ache forming in my core. My breath hitched slightly, before I moved to hand him the form. He gave me a smirk before glancing down to fill in his information, almost like he could sense the effect he just had on me. 

While he scribbled on the form, I stood and collected the cards from the table and took them to sit on the counter. When I turned back around, he was there in front of me with that goofy crooked grin of his. He held up the clipboard to hand over to me. As I took it, he cleared his throat to speak.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I got your name…in case I have questions or…” he started wringing his hands together. He seemed nervous to ask. 

“It’s Amina, or just Mina is fine too. Let me grab a business card for you.” I couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across my face as I turned to pull a card from beside the register and handed it to him. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard that name before…It’s beautiful. It…suits you.” I could fill my face flush as he looked down at the card, biting his lip, and scratching at the back of his neck. Was he flirting with me? I wasn’t sure, but I felt like he was.

I smiled shyly, “Thank you.” 

His eyes widened as he looked back up at me, “Oh, I’m Dieter.” He hesitantly reached out to shake my hand. As soon as our skin touched, I felt the warmth of him spread throughout my body, igniting something deep inside. His large hand engulfed mine as we held onto each other a beat too long. Once we realized the awkwardness of it, we both chuckled and dropped each other's hands. 

“Ugh, well I have a thing for work, so I need to go…but I guess we’ll talk soon…and I wanna check the shop out properly too. It seems right up my alley. What do I owe you for the reading?”

“Oh, nothing.” I turned to point toward the tarot reading sign, “The first one’s free. That’s how I get you hooked.” I bit my bottom lip as I winked at him. What the hell was I doing? It seemed to momentarily take him off guard, but it didn’t take long for his grin to return. 

“Well, you most certainly did that.” He snickered as his tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip. I probably focused on his mouth more than I should have. I hoped he didn’t notice. “I’ll see you soon. Have a good evening,” he said with a hand flourish, before turning on his heel and exiting the shop.   

I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding as Heidi busted through the beaded curtain from the back. “What the hell just happened? Did that really happen? That’s not normal…right?”  

I rubbed at my forehead, stiffly shaking my head from side to side. 

“No, I don’t think that’s normal…that was really fucking weird.” 

Heidi reached down and grabbed the clipboard from my hand and started looking over the attached form. 

“Oh shit.” Her eyes widened as she looked up at me. 

My head snapped up to meet her gaze, “What?” 

“I thought he looked familiar. That was Dieter fucking Bravo,” she said excitedly. 

I shrugged, “I don’t know who that is…”

“The actor...” 

I stared at her blankly, “You know I don’t watch a lot of movies…”  

“Jeez Louise, never mind. I think he was into you though.”

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t start with that. He’s a customer. No.” 

She gave me a sarcastic look, “The cards disagree.” “That had to be a coincidence. Maybe I just didn’t shuffle them well enough or something.” 

That had to be what it was, right?

Next

[thefandomenchantress]

So I know I’m a little late to the party on this one, but I wanna talk about the David MV.

I finally decided to watch that nearly three hour video on the Literature Girl Insane MV, (by @/1moreff-creator) and HOLY SHIT IT’S SO GOOD. I wish I watched it sooner and wonder why I didn’t, I watch almost exclusively 1+ hour videos about random topics I know nothing about, and now there’s one for something I care a lot about! Why didn’t I watch immediately?!?

But my lapse in sanity aside, it finally got me motivated enough to talk about the David MV!

��Except only the part about Ace because of course that’s all I want to talk about. 9 out of 10 of my posts are either about him or have him involved somehow.

Anyways! Here’s the part I find very interesting!

This is arguably where Ace is most relevant, and therefore it makes sense I want to talk about it today.

Now, first things first, the Roman numeral. V (five) is Ace’s Roman numeral, as assigned by the crossword. The line attached is:

“Right now, why do you go insane?”

Which definitely fits. Ace could easily be framed as going insane, because he has mental breakdowns at a worryingly high frequency. Him and Veronika (who this might also be referring to if color theory is to be believed) are basically assigned the role of being seen as mentally unhinged within the class.

(…Ever think about how weird it is that the title is Literature Girl Insane, implying the star of the MV, David, is going insane, yet Ace is the one getting called insane, possibly by David? I think that’s interesting. But let’s get back on track.)

As established by other Roman numerals, the words in the background when a numeral shows itself also apply the character attached to said numeral. This is most obviously shown in the line near the top of the photo.

“A cat has 9 additional lives”

This is also easily applicable to Ace, since he survived Nico’s murder attempt against all odds. If Eden and Teruko hadn’t just so happened to be on the 2nd floor and walked into the gym when they did, he would’ve died. While the actual methodology of Nico’s murder attempt is unknown, it’s also possible that him even surviving long enough for Teruko and Eden to find them was a miracle. Either way, it fits.

The last quote on-screen intrigues me the most. It’s a quote from Hamlet.

“I am but mad north-northwest. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a hand saw.”

Now, first let’s look at just those words, without further context. It’s important we know what the words themselves mean before we do anything else. Let’s start with the definition of north-northwest, since that word is pretty important to the quote.

I’m sure most are familiar with north, east, south, and west. The four main directions on a compass. As well as Northeast, Southeast, Southwest, and Northwest. That splits the compass into eight directions, splitting the sections of north, east, south, and west in half.

Similarly, north-northwest is a direction that comes from splitting the compass into sixteen parts. It’s the half of the northwest section that’s closer to north.

Next, what the hell does “I know a hawk from a handsaw” mean? It’s almost half the quote, so it’s important we know.

Well…*extremely loud sigh* Shakespeare, as you know, was alive a very long time ago. As such, he writes in old-time-y English that’s hard to understand. And this quote has the misfortune of being something people argue over the translation of, at least as far as I could tell while researching.

Some people think Shakespeare meant a heronsaw, a type of bird, not a handsaw. Others think that no, he meant handsaw, but heron, in his time period, was also a common word for a tool that holds plaster/mortar/etc..

Either way, Shakespeare was probably referring to two types of birds, or two types of tools, which have key differences from one and other. I don’t think which one the DRDTdev thought was right really matters in this instance, since the quote makes sense either way. 15/16s of the time, Hamlet (the speaker of the quote) is sane and can tell two birds/tools apart.

The quote is, in summary, saying that Hamlet is mad only when it’s north-northwest, aka 1/16th of the time (I’m not sure if that somehow connects to there being 16 participants in the killing game, but I’m going to assume it doesn’t). The other 15/16s of the time, Hamlet is perfectly sane, thank you very much.

So, without context, this quote is saying that Ace is only insane 1/16th of the time. The rest of the time he’s sane.

Next, I think another important thing we have to do is take into account the whole screenshot as a whole. By that I mean we should not only look at each line individually, but how they relate to each other. In bold is the “why do you go insane?” Line, and to the left, in a font that blends more into the background, is the Hamlet line.

There is a contradiction of opinions here. One person says, “Why do you go insane?” while the other insists they’re only a little bit insane.

This could be referring to the opinions of David and Ace. After all, one could argue it was David underestimating Ace that led to his secret being revealed. David doesn’t bother being careful around Ace in the trial, despite Ace’s volatile nature. He piles suspicion onto Ace by saying it’s weird he didn’t see him on the second floor the night before the murder, even though it isn’t. After all:

Ace was in the gym. David was in the relaxation room. Those are on opposite sides of the floor, so of course David wouldn’t have seen Ace. He didn’t even have to walk anywhere close to the room Ace was in. But David saying this information like it’s weird and suspicious makes everyone else think it is.

David thinks: But what’s Ace gonna do about it? Somehow get the whole class on his side, even though almost everyone likes me more? Is everyone really going to trust the mentally unstable (one could say insane), dumb, cowardly jockey over me?

Yes, yes they will.

All this is to say, David, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t really care about Ace throughout chapter two. He steals Nico’s secret from him, antagonizes him in the trial, and doesn’t care. Ace doesn’t matter. Ace, of all people, can’t be the one to ruin him. So who cares if Ace dislikes him? Ace is of no use to David, and Ace certainly isn’t smart enough to figure out David’s scheme. This is what David believes.

However, this leads to him not taking Ace’s volatile nature seriously enough, believing he is above the harm of someone like him. But hey, even a pawn can play a vital part in checkmating a king.

When David pisses off Ace, believing Ace can’t do anything besides get angry, yell, and make himself look more suspicious…That turns out to be a crucial mistake that ruins everything.

…Y’know, the irony of the class idiot being the one to beat the so-called master manipulator will never not be funny to me.

Anyways, we can sort of apply this to Hamlet, too. If Ace is Hamlet, since this is Hamlet’s line, and David is Claudius, his father-in-law, we do have a pretty good parallel.

Claudius, who secretly killed Hamlet’s father and then took his throne, is secretly not as righteous as he seems. However, Hamlet finds out about Claudius being the one who killed his father and seeks revenge. Claudius thinks Hamlet to be mad, but when Claudius isn’t around, Hamlet says, “But my uncle-father (Claudius) [is] deceived. I am but mad north-northwest. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a hand saw.” Eventually, Hamlet kills Claudius. So in DRDT terms, Ace finds out about David’s manipulation, David is unaware of this, and Ace eventually kills David’s public persona. Obviously this is an extreme simplification of the plot, but still.

…Of course, there’s also a chance this contradiction of opinions isn’t about Ace and David specifically. After all, David isn’t the only one to boil Ace down to his core traits of “dumb, angry, overall not a well-adjusted individual”. The whole class does this, at least for the most part. This Hamlet quote could just be trying to say what Ace has been saying. That everyone sees him as a loudmouth, stupid, cowardly and nothing more, when in reality there’s more to him than that.

I might have gone a little overboard with this part…I got excited…Hopefully this all actually makes sense, I had to revise some of this post because it got ramble-y and overall pretty cluttered.

So yeah. Here’s my (very late) contribution to the David MV discussion. Here’s what I think Ace’s part means. If you want me to elaborate anywhere, feel free to tell me, or if you want to tell me your thoughts, I’d love to see that!

[felassan]

I was sent a link to an 'interview with Mark Darrah about BioWare' video that I hadn't seen before. it's called "Mark Darrah on BioWare, Dragon Age 4, & EA's Impact" and [here is the source] link. the interview took place in 2022, so bear that in mind when watching, but it still has interesting insights and things in there. Mark had been invited on to chat after his BioWare Magic video. the video description reads as follows:

“Mark Darrah spent over 20 years with BioWare and has overseen its many incredible RPGs such as Baldur's Gate, Knights Of The Old Republic, Jade Empire, Mass Effect, and most notably on his portfolio, Dragon Age. He was also present during the pre-EA era and experienced much of the changes within the company after BioWare had been purchased by them in 2007. Today, he joins the show for a sobering conversation on the status of this once beloved gaming titan after speaking out in a recent YouTube video of his on "BioWare Magic" in which he holds the developer accountable for their bad processes. The conversation goes into deep waters no other outlet has reached yet, so we do hope you enjoy our biggest interview yet.” [source]

the rest of this post is under a cut due to length.

this post is just some notes and transcribed quotes of interest from the video, in case that's of any use to anyone, for example for accessibility.

Dragon Age: Dreadwolf / 'current or recent general BioWare'

Mark explained the ‘hockey stick’ analogy about game development that he has previously outlined in a video on his own channel. There is a tendency in game development, that is not unique to BioWare, to focus on “microscopic efficiency”, especially so in studios that have gotten bigger and bigger. This ends up building a backlog of content and things being built in isolation from each other, and devs working in isolation from one another. But at some point, a game has to come together for different reasons, like an upcoming demo is approaching or money is running out etc, and when that happens, this completion tends to build upon itself and it ends up happening rapidly. At BioWare, historically the idea of ‘don’t worry, it’ll all come together really fast at the end and it will be great [like magic]’ [I am paraphrasing there] was called “BioWare Magic”. This term is from the late 90s but it still has bubbled around within the studio in more recent times. Mark said, “I think it’s partially because of the way that the leadership works on projects at BioWare. There’s a leapfrogging that happens. So the team that led KOTOR ended up being the team that led ME1-3 and Anthem, but meanwhile, between those games, other games are being done with different leadership teams. So culture can have this weird sort’ve almost, like it takes two steps forwards and then one step back as a new leadership team kinda gets into the driver’s seat. Because basically, what ends up happening is that the team that is closest to ship, at least for the big games, tends to drive the studio to a large degree.” There are other leadership teams in the background at those times, but from a culture perspective they are largely in the background.

Sonic Chronicles had a team of just over 20 devs and Mark led this. The smaller team size meant they had more agility and more ability to control and understand what was going on in a way that doesn’t really exist on larger teams. “Something that BioWare has been struggling with is, BioWare has had big teams all along. In the Baldur’s Gate [era], it was teams of 100+ people at a time, at a time [in the industry generally] when teams elsewhere in the industry were tiny. So BioWare has processes that have been around for a long time that are actually pretty good at dealing with team sizes between, say, 100 and 200 people, but what’s been happening for a while is that those teams have started to get beyond 200.” “What has happened at a lot of other studios, they have processes that work at 60 but don’t work at 150. They’ve had to develop new processes to work at larger sizes. BioWare kind’ve got to skip that step, they didn’t do that, but now they’re having to do that, because now we’re beyond what their processes can handle.”

On what prompted Mark to make his ‘BioWare Magic’ video: “I don’t know, it was just kind’ve, it’d been chewing away at me and I know that James Stephanie Sterling, it’s one of their go-to things, when they’re talking about process, is to go ‘BioWare Maaagic’, when talking about BioWare specifically or just game development in general, because someone did say that, on Anthem, I don’t know who but I do have my suspicions. So I think maybe it was just eating at me for a while. I don’t think anything in particular triggered it.” “BioWare Magic kind’ve became a term that I recognized as something that was being used to kind of paper over things that weren’t great, processes that were problematic, on DAII. Part of the reason it was gnawing at me was I kind’ve felt like this was a term that we had left in the past. We talked this way in the early days of Baldur’s Gate, Neverwinter Nights and DA:O, but that we had learned our lessons – I think most people had, but I think there remained enough people in senior enough positions that hadn’t had the experience of shipping as many games, or had been in places where they hadn’t shipped for a long time, or had just kept this romantic view of ‘just keep going, just keep driving, it will all come together in the end.’”

“As to why the revamps of Anthem and stuff [got cancelled], I don’t know. EA has launched things that have fallen on their face, Battlefield 4, Battlefront 2, that then they’ve spent the time to fix, but in the case of BioWare, that hasn’t been the case. That’s not what happened with Mass Effect: Andromeda. Maybe it’s partially because BioWare is doing multiple things at once. If you’re at Dice, and you want Battlefield 4, and it’s a problem, it’s like, well, ‘you better fix it because you got nothing else to do’. Whereas with BioWare, it’s like, ‘well, you could fix it, but don’t you want those resources on Dragon Age or Anthem or whatever’s coming next?’ So maybe it’s that. I don’t know, I’ve thought about this and I can’t.. It could also just be ‘too big to fail’. Battlefield was too big to fail. Anthem wasn’t. It disappointed but it wasn’t a franchise that needed to continue.” “[looter shooters] It’s a tough genre, there weren’t a lot of people who understood it from a dev perspective.”

On the EA “scapegoat” / blaming EA: “I think there is some truth [in it], I do think it’s an easy scapegoat and I think it’s very easy to say, ‘oh, Big Evil Corporation’, but you have to remember that, honestly, I mean BioWare would have probably shut down in 2007 or 2008 if we hadn’t been acquired by EA. The coffers were pretty empty before it got acquired by BG Holdings or Elevation Partners, the company that sold BioWare to EA. There was no money left. So they kept the company going, it’s hard to be too mad at them. I think that EA doesn’t understand what BioWare is. I think EA ultimately understands sports games, and shooters because you can kinda treat them a lot like a sports game and you get away with it, they’re quite competitive. But if you look at the franchises within EA that are not like sports games, The Sims, BioWare [franchises], they’ve struggled with that, they don’t understand and they’ve had a lot of trouble, and so when they look at BioWare, what they see, RPGs are expensive. So what they see is, thee are expensive, they don’t sell as well as Battlefield, what’s up with that? Has EA had negative effects on BioWare? Absolutely, but I don’t think necessarily in the way that people think. So, like, some of the stuff you’ve heard about Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, it’s like, ‘it’s gonna be a live service extravaganza’, ‘it’s gonna be singleplayer’, like that bouncing back and forth, that’s mostly coming from EA, that’s the kind of stuff that you’re getting from EA. But in terms of second-to-second pressure around what the futures of the individual games are, it happens, but that’s usually just rogue executive, not actually EA saying ‘we need this to be more BIG HEAD TURTLE RACING’, that’s not really happening. Or if it’s happening, a decent Executive Producer can judo it out of existence. So I do think, yeah, I mean, was there pressure on DA:I and ME:A to be on Frostbite? Absolutely, like that was politically basically effectively mandated, so there’s been impacts, and honestly I think maybe, since I did the BioWare Magic video, I’ve been thinking about this. One thing that happened before EA was that BioWare games slipped more, like wayyy more, which was probably why the company was almost out of money. So games have slipped since EA, but other than SW:TOR, games have not slipped years, except because of massive externalities. So Dreadwolf has moved, but because of it basically being restarted, but other than those externalities, things haven’t really moved as much. And I think maybe the reason why BioWare Magic maybe worked in the past was because you pivoted eventually and then you just kept going until it was great. If your date can’t move as much, you’ve pivoted and then you run into the date [and crash], and you’re just, that’s what it is, and you’re done.”

On Frostbite and whether the ‘omg Frostbite Bad’ stuff from players is overblown: “Every time you change engines, there’s a consequence to that. I do think there’s a fetishization of engine use by fans, but also honestly by devs. I think there’s a ‘grass is always greener’ [thing going on/mentality]. My feeling is, the best engine to use is almost always the engine you just used. So if you just shipped a game on Frostbite, probably you should use Frostbite for the next one, because you’ve built things to ship that game, so you can build on top of it. There are extreme circumstances where that’s not going to go, Eclipse was long in the tooth and it didn’t look very good, and so it’s hard to imagine that you could continue going down that road and continue using Eclipse indefinitely. Bethesda has essentially done that with their engine and it shows, but it’s left them being incredibly successful. Honestly, the mistake that I think that was made at BioWare regarding Frostbite, it’s again this sort’ve, independence of leadership. DA:I was made using Frostbite and we went in learning the lessons that Mass Effect had learned on ME1 from Unreal, like respect what the engine is, build on top of what’s there, don’t try to force it to be something else. And a lot of stuff was built and then ME:A started in the middle of DA:I’s development and basically started over again from blank DA:I. And then that’s going on, and then Anthem starts, again before DA:I has shipped, and starts effectively AGAIN from a blank sheet. So for me, for BioWare the problem wasn’t Frostbite, the problem was never Frostbite, the problem was we went through the pain of adopting an engine three times when we should’ve done it once.” “I’m sure there was somebody there that wanted DA:I to be on Unreal, but I didn’t feel that from the team as a whole. What I would’ve wanted to see, in a world where resources were unbounded, would’ve been a fast follow of DA:I, something that came out in 18-24 months, built not just on Frostbite, but on the DA:I tech base. I think there was an opportunity there. You know, we’ve pitched all kinds of stuff inside of Frostbite for, in early Joplin, like making the tools available to the public, like modding and what happened with DA:O and NWN, where the tools were available for building modules and things like that. There was no appetite for that within EA at the time. Interestingly enough, right before I left [his EP job], there seemed like there was growing appetite, but now with the latest news on Battlefield, I’m actually wondering if they won’t ceremoniously take Frostbite out behind the shed and shoot it in the head. They’re definitely laying blame on Frostbite for, in the case of Battlefield, which I mean, of all the franchises where I feel that’s undeserved, that would be Battlefield.”

On leaving BioWare at that time a few years ago: “Casey and I did not coordinate our departures. Certainly I didn’t coordinate with Casey. Casey resigned a day after I did. It is possible that I triggered him to resign. I don’t believe that’s what happened. There was timing for other financial things that sort’ve lined up for both me and him that I suspect was probably the trigger for both of us, but we were not coordinated in this. It was frustrating, and was it getting more frustrating? I don’t know that it was, but for me at least, because we were getting to the period where Dragon Age was going to be in the primary driving position for BioWare - I don’t think that anything corporate changed in November, early December of 2020 that triggered me [to leave]. Casey would’ve been in conversations that I wasn’t in, so it’s possible that there was a trigger for him that I’m not aware of.”

Is the idea of ‘omggg classic BioWare’, the spirit of that era, overblown? “I don’t think so. I think that actually, the thing that makes a BioWare game special, for me at least, is the characters, the followers specifically. Obviously when you look at Anthem through that lens, you can kinda see a glaring problem. You have characters, but they’re not followers, not as present as they are in other games. But the funny thing is, we never said that out loud until, pretty much 2019, in the post-Anthem world, was when I think people started to really say out loud like, ‘you know, it’s about the characters, stupid!’ I think we’ve had conversations in the past where it’s like ‘BioWare tells its stories through characters’. There’s been the knowledge, but I don’t think that there’s been the acknowledgement of, say the thing that’s most important out loud and make sure that you’re respecting that. There was almost like, we were too confident in it and we’re like ‘we don’t need this because we can set it aside, we can have characters that are just in your base, we don’t need followers’. It took us saying it out loud to really acknowledge that. I think that that is still true, and I think there is still a pedigree at BioWare that can execute on excellent characters. The reality is, if you look at the story of, frankly, any BioWare game, they’re not amazing, what makes it amazing is you’re experiencing it through other characters, that elevates the story overall. Of course, that’s how it always has been and how it should be.”

On Dragon Age: Dreadwolf and the then-recent reports on its rumored release time [remember this video is from 2022]: “I don’t know where the ‘it’s got 18 months left to go’ measurement is coming from, but timeline, that makes perfect sense to me. They would’ve needed to adapt, and even like when I was still there, we were probably headed towards, yeah, probably towards 2023 even then. So I think that it’s very plausible to me, and I think that if they’ve been able to increase their completion urgency and bring things to further phases earlier, they could be in really good shape. There was stuff getting there when I was still there a year ago, and if they were able to be stable enough to keep that stuff, then they probably have a really good foundation to build upon. And I would think that they probably were able to keep the things that were nearing completion when I left, so, I mean, they probably have, for 18 months out they probably have - so I’m trying to say this correctly. Not that they have more things that another BioWare game would’ve had 18 months out, because that’s actually the problem, tons of things. [but] they have more done 18 months out than any other BioWare title probably has ever had. So a tighter core, maybe not as much stuff yet, but a tighter core, but that will let them go faster when they’re going. Essentially, if they’ve taken the hockey stick, and they’ve pulled this part up, and I think they have, then I think it should put them in significantly better shape going forward.”

One of the podcast/media folks shared the following comment: “What I personally have been told, I never call it a report or a scoop or anything like that because it’s just a sentiment, but the sentiment that had been shared with me [about DA:D] is sort’ve like, ‘we need to nail this’, not like a desperation like ‘we’re done if we don’t’, but like, we want this high score, we want to remind people why they love BioWare games.” They then asked Mark about whether he views DA:D as a “do or die moment” and about what the vibe inside BioWare was around this. Mark: “Not in the early days [of DA:D’s development], as that’s pre-ME:A and pre-Anthem. But I think, in a post-Anthem world, I think ME:A was, could weather that, but ME:A and Anthem together, yeah, I think there is some truth to that. Now would EA shut down BioWare? I don’t know, as you say they’ve done it before [to other studios], also studios become effectively in-source houses for other studios. There are fates that are almost as bad as being shuttered. So is it actually do or die? Honestly, I think the reputation matters more, because if people give up on BioWare externally, why would EA keep them around? If everyone just decides that BioWare is a bunch of hacks doing garbage then why would EA bother? One of the things that has kept EA kind of interested in BioWare is, BioWare is kind of like the sub-arm of a movie studio that makes the Oscar Bait. So maybe that excuses it for some people, it’s like, well yeah, your games cost more and they sell less than the Battlefields, but Battlefield was never gonna win Game of the Year, even if they made a perfect Battlefield, it’s probably never going to win GOTY, it’s the nature of the disrespect certain genres get. Like how you can make a perfect Marvel movie but it’s never winning Best Picture. So I do think that if BioWare is making quality that is respected and making people excited, that gives it leeway within EA that another studio that’s making things that may sell better may not get. So I do think that this needs to be a good game, and I actually think EA knows that too, and I think EA recognizes that, you know, they deserve some of the blame for Anthem and some for ME:A, less, but some. So I think that when they look at that, when they look at Jedi Fallen Order, a game that honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense within EA, it exists in part because it kind of brought in a studio that made it. Like it’s not the kind of game that EA would typically greenlight. But when they see it and that it did well, they’re not stupid.”

How much corporate-speak is there in a ‘I’m leaving the studio’ announcement letter like Mark’s when he left his EP role at BioWare? “So most public things, if it’s on the website, it’s gone through somebody, like there’s legal, it’s gone through somebody to approve a message. One of my frustrations in EA is just how, I mean, I was effectively like second Community Manager for Anthem because they weren’t willing to tell me ‘no’, and so I was able to basically put out messages that wouldn’t have survived the process. But I mean, they didn’t pay me anything to say nice things, I didn’t get paid anything on my way out to be nice, so I do actually believe that the core of Dragon Age remains strong, that there are definitely people there that know how to make a great game, and there are people there that know what the IP is, and I think that they are well-positioned to do that.”

“In terms of what, like, something that made me say ‘no, that’s enough, it’s over’ [re: his time at BioWare], there’s good days and bad days. I don’t know that there was any particular project that made me say no, enough, I’m done. Anthem isn’t the high point of my career both as a leader and also in terms of the product that came out the other side, but I don’t feel like there was a moment of ‘no, we’re done.’”

Other BioWare things

To a degree, BioWare have been a victim of their past success and were just leaning on that, or the thought from upper management was doing so. “I think that’s also partially weirdly caused by the leadership teams being somewhat isolated. I was responsible for shipping DA2. That was a big wakeup call for me and leaders on that project. But other people didn’t experience that, they were on Mass Effect at the time and then they shipped ME3 and had a different blowback for different reasons, but not for the same kind of development reasons, so they learned different lessons than I learned. They learned a lesson about the endings, but not necessarily about the way games come together.”

On Anthem’s failure and the cancelled attempt overhaul Anthem Next: “I think there’s tons of blame to go around for Anthem, certainly part of it should fall on me. For a lot of Anthem’s development, the team, this was before I was on the project, the team was not really recognizing that it was a looter-shooter. So you have to remember that this was a game that started development before Destiny even came out. No one knew what Destiny was except that they were making it clear it wasn’t an MMO. I feel that one of the early mistakes that was made was that when Destiny came out, when Borderlands was out there, there was a reluctance to draw that connection and say ‘this is BioWare’s Destiny or BioWare’s Borderlands’, that gives that clarity and draws that connection. A lot of it just came together really late. The leadership team had lost its ability to make decisions, or had that ability taken away potentially, so there was just a lot of churning happening, and decisions being made and unmade, or being left unmade for a long period of time. But what that means is, when I came in, I’m great at making decisions, and in a vacuum, decisions got made, but what that effectively resulted in is I just took the stick and pushed it down. I’m used to working with a leadership team that pushes back and I think what happened is this leadership team was so desperate, so hungry for decisions to be made, that rather than pushing back on the stick that I’m pushing towards the ground, they’re actually pulling it towards the ground like ‘Yes, finally!!’ And instead of me aiming like this [motioning with his hands like a plane’s downward flight] and the resistance happening like this, I think what happened is this actually caused us to go way too fast [and crash land]. It’s hard for me to see a path where things are actually way better, because we knew a lot of things, we went into the Christmas break before it shipped having not done a complete balance pass through the loot structure, and we did it in this awful hotseat way with QA playing the game 24 hours a day over that break. So we knew that things were shakey, but the team was tired, and you know, EA wanted it in the fiscal year, and the problem is.. so I do see a path [in an alternate universe] where you get a better Anthem, but that path requires the game to basically enter Beta around the time when it launched, and then sit in Beta for six months, say, and then launch in August or whenever that would have been, but EA wasn’t that company then. I don’t know if it’s that company now [video is from 2022], but it certainly wasn’t that company then. It wasn’t prepared to put a game out into Beta for that long and spend the time. I think if we had just spent six more months on it without having gone into Beta, it would have been better, but it wouldn’t have been what it needed to be. It needed to get out into the world and get the pushback.”

“There was a lot of politics in Frostbite [as an engine choice]. It was Patrick Söderlund’s engine when he ran DICE, he was in a very senior position, he could push for it. I think EA still remembers forcing render-ware down everyones’ throat and that blowing up in their face. So I think they’re reluctant to mandate it simply to save a few bucks. At the time, when DA:I, I can’t remember if it was me or Aaryn Flynn, at the time I would’ve described, Unreal was like a NASCAR car. A good fast car, you can go in a race. At the time I would’ve described Frostbite as a Formula One car. Way faster but way harder to drive, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, in a NASCAR you can probably not kill yourself. In an F1 car, I think you’re gonna plough that thing into a brick wall in 3 seconds and you’ll die. And that’s what you’ve seen happen with Frostbite in that sort’ve time period, back in the 2012 - 2015 time frame. Teams that approached the engine with respect did well, teams that didn’t ploughed their car into a brick wall. But I don’t know that that analogy still holds, I don’t think Frostbite is still the graphically-superior engine to Unreal anymore. Back then it made sense to use Frostbite, we could get a better-looking game using Frostbite than using Unreal. I question if that is still the case.”

“In its very core EA is a publicly-traded company. I haven’t worked in a senior level at other publicly-traded companies, but it is very visible. It is difficult to move a game between fiscal quarters. It’s virtually impossible to move a game between fiscal years, because of just like, that is the way the company, I’m not gonna say it’s run by its CFO, but sometimes it feels like it’s run by its CFO.”

DA:I was a victim of the moment in time it was made in, when open-world games were like taking over the universe. “It’s bigger than it needs to be by somewhere between 20-50%.

The team made DA2 in very difficult circumstances and were very aligned the whole way through.

The perception of a game in its first week after launch can make or break a game forever. This put a cloud over DA2. “Though it’s become the BioWare game that’s most fashionable to love, second after ME:A. DA2 was flawed because of the pace at which it was made. ME:A was flawed because things like bugs and things that should’ve been caught escaped. ME:A is a better game now than it was at launch [patches].” “DA2 has sort’ve recovered from the initial kneejerk reaction it received. ME:A has actually repaired itself into a better game.”

“I don’t think there was a reason that ME:A was excluded from the remaster [MELE]. I mean, the easy answer would be, it’s on Frostbite, the others are on Unreal, so to include it means just from a logistics perspective, it’s just a lot of extra work. I mean honestly, it still looks fine, so it’s not in as desperate of a need of a remaster either, it’s not on last generation.”

On the difference in design philosophy between DA:O and DA2 and why it happened: “It’s mostly marketability. The marketing for DA2 was supposed to be ‘tree houses and frat houses’. It was like, we’re gonna make sure that the game is appealing to the people that love DA:O as the tree house, but we’re also gonna make this thing that’s AWESOME and EXPLODING. The problem is, what happened in practice is that the marketing kinda forgot the tree house completely and didn’t market to them at all, and leapt into the frat house marketing and only made this sorta thing of ‘bruuuh! Bro! You can totally bro, bro!’ It’s essentially a victim of confirmation bias. The marketing said, this isn’t DA:O, this is a heavy metal guitar riff of a game, and then when you played it and it’s more action-y, you just went yep, it’s exactly what I was worried it was going to be, and you basically discounted it. There’s a love-hate relationship with even the term ‘RPG’. I think we’ve grown past this as an industry but also BioWare has as well. I think, ‘RPG’ is seen as inaccessible, that only a very small amount of people are willing to play, so there’s been an attempt to say like, you know, this is the kind of game that anyone could enjoy, to try to reach a branch out to other people. Accessibility does matter because RPGs are expensive, so you want to make something that can appeal to as broad of a group as possible, or alternatively, you need to decide that you’re making a game for a smaller group of people and scope and budget accordingly. The other universe path for DA:O would’ve been to stay in the vein of, effectively, turn-based or pause-n-play, tactical RPGs, and accept that the game sells 4 - 7million copies, 7 on the very upper end, and budget accordingly. So that’s where EA has an influence. If there are two options, EA are definitely gonna say you wanna go for 10 million. And honestly, one of the things that I think that has hurt Dragon Age has been, it’s never been allowed to just be what it is, it’s always been, much more than Mass Effect, it’s been subject to, ‘but could you be more, could be more accessible, could you be bigger?’ Even though DA:I is the best-selling BioWare game of all time, and before that I’m pretty sure it was DA:O. I think because Mass Effect has a cultural impact because of N7 that Dragon Age simply doesn’t have. ME has genius branding.”

[source and full watch link]

[herohimbowhore]

The Eruption of Mount Vesuvius: An Allegory for Ferrari

Scuderia Ferrari holds the title as the oldest and most successful Formula 1 team, having competed in every season since 1950. Where others fell away, Ferrari has remained.

If you were to ask someone to say something about Ferrari, then there’s a few way it can go.

First, is perhaps the most common. Enzo Ferrari’s famous quote that was probably true for most of us. “Ask a child to draw a car, and certainly he will draw it red.” And Enzo Ferrari was correct. The first thought when asked about a red car or more specifically, a red sports car, is Ferrari. (And Lightning McQueen)

Then, maybe another well-known quote will come to mind. “Everybody is a Ferrari fan. Even if they say they’re not, they are Ferrari fans. Even if you go to the Mercedes guys and they say ‘Mercedes is the best brand in the world,’ they are Ferrari fan.” Sebastian Vettel said this in 2016 during one of Mercedes’ most contentious internal championship battles.

During the Monaco Grand Prix in 2022, Lewis Hamilton (the face of Mercedes in F1 himself) proved Sebastian’s statement true. During an interview with an Italian newspaper, Lewis said, “I would say one thing: if I could sit down with the fans on the bleachers over there, I would support Charles. I am a Ferrari fan.”

And if you’ve been watching Formula 1 for the past few years, then you’ll think of how the once great Scuderia has become a clown show. Questionable strategies, awfully hilarious pit stops, and great drivers with their potential wasted. All of it is a common occurrence within the Scuderia that we have grown to expect as fans and are shocked when their plans actually work out.

Contextualizing Ferrari with the song Pompeii by Bastille and the eruption of Mount Vesuvius seemed like the most coherent way to understand this downward spiral from a once great and lauded team to its current form.

Pompeii is one of the most well-known sites of a major volcanic eruption and a disastrous end to a once great city. Perhaps it is the perfect allegory for Scuderia Ferrari as we know it today.

Eh, eheu, eheu

Eh, eheu, eheu

Eh, eheu, eheu

“Eh, eheu, eheu,” at first may just sound like a vocally beautiful start to a song about a tragedy forever remembered and memorialized in ash. But it is a Latin phrase, roughly translating to, “eh, alas, alas.” The phrase is an exclamation of pain, grief, and fear. It is an exclamation that many fans of the Scuderia can relate to. With every race weekend, there is fear of what may go wrong this time and grief at how badly it does go.

I was left to my own devices

Many days fell away with nothing to show

The city of Pompeii, before the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, was a wealthy city. The residents, or at least some of them, lived luxurious lives with little responsibilities.

Ferrari, on a similar note, has rested on its storied history and has enjoyed luxuries that the other teams in Formula 1 do not get.

Ferrari has competed in every season of Formula 1 since the 1950 World Championships. Due to this, they have over 1000 race entries and status as a long-standing team.

One privilege given to Ferrari is the "historic bonus" from prize money. Despite not winning the constructors' championship, Ferrari tends to get more prize money at the end of the season than the winners. Since the 2021 regulation changes, Ferrari has received $35 million. Before 2021, the LST payment was $70 million, half of which was deducted from the prize money pool.

Another privilege enjoyed by Ferrari is the power to veto rule changes that won't benefit Ferrari or the sport as a whole. Thus, giving Ferrari more power than any other team in Formula 1.

Ferrari obtained the power to veto regulation back in 1980 as a means to keep them in Formula 1. During the renegotiations of the Concorde Agreement in 2019, Ferrari was able to retain the veto power. However, a key thing to note is that the veto power is used sparingly by Ferrari. It was last used in 2015 when Ferrari vetoed the FIA's plans to introduce a €12 million engine price cap. The proposal at the time had gotten a majority vote by the teams before the veto was utilized by the Scuderia.

So, Ferrari has gotten these unique luxuries and privileges for being an integral part to Formula 1 and the history it has within the sport. But despite all of this, there is "nothing to show for it" these past few years. Since the days of Michael Schumacher at the team came to an end, the Scuderia has been on a downward spiral.

You could argue that 2007 was a good year, they won both championships, didn't they? But, were it not for McLaren's Spygate scandal and then McLaren drivers, Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso, more focused on beating one another, it's highly unlikely that the championships would have gone to Ferrari.

And the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love

Grey clouds roll over the hills bringing darkness from above

Before the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79 AD, there were signs signaling that the volcano's period of dormancy was coming to an end. Most notably, in 62 AD, 17 years before the eruption, there was a major earthquake that devasted Pompeii and the surrounding region. The earthquake caused damage to buildings, with some of them collapsing, and a disruption to the water supply in the city. Now, we know that it was the first indication of Vesuvius awakening. Seventeen years later, when Vesuvius erupted, Pompeii was still rebuilding from the earthquake in 62 AD and the ongoing tremors that it had endured since then.

Regardless of how much time residents of Pompeii spent rebuilding after 62 AD, they never really were able to because ongoing tremors and quakes kept the walls tumbling down.

These days, as fans and spectators of the sport, we expect to see some sort of Ferrari blunder when it comes to pit stops or strategies. Monaco 2022's double-stack pit stop that cost Charles Leclerc a win at his home race comes into mind, or maybe Austin 2023 when Charles Leclerc was put on a one-stop strategy that took him from pole position to sixth place before disqualification due to the plank, or any number of impeding penalties that Charles Leclerc and Carlos Sainz have gotten due to their team not relaying the information to them.

But just like the 62 AD earthquake in Pompeii and subsequent tremors, signs of Ferrari's downward spiral could be seen soon after the end of the Schumacher era.

We could think back to the Japanese Grand Prix in 2007 as Ferrari driver, Kimi Raikkonen, was in a championship fight with the McLaren drivers, Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso. The wet weather conditions of the Grand Prix required that extreme wet weather tyres be used. However, both Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa were forced to pit so the tyres could be changed after the race had started under the safety car. While Kimi was able to finish 3rd, it did put him 17 points behind in the championship.

Another major blunder shortly after the Schumacher era that comes to mind, is the 2008 Singapore Grand Prix. A highly contentious race for many different reasons. You may recall Singapore 2008 for Nelson Piquet Jr. crashing, Fernando Alonso taking the win, and the entirety of the Crashgate saga with Renault. But as Crashgate was occurring, Ferrari was doing as Ferrari does.

In 2008, it was once more a McLaren driver and a Ferrari driver battling for the championship with Lewis Hamilton and Felipe Massa, respectively. When Nelson Piquet Jr. crashed and a safety car was brought out, many drivers chose to pit as there is less time lost during the pit stop. Felipe Massa, three seconds ahead of his championship rival, Lewis Hamilton, chose to pit. But unlike Lewis Hamilton and other drivers who had decent pit stops, Ferrari released Felipe too early with the fuel hose still attached to his car. A Ferrari mechanic was dragged along with the fuel hose and Felipe had to stop at the pit lane exit to release the hose. Thankfully, the mechanic was okay, but Felipe's race was compromised and the race ended with Lewis in the championship lead.

We were caught up and lost in all of our vices

In your pose as the dust settled around us

When Mount Vesuvius erupted, material from the volcano covered the residents of Pompeii who had not been able to escape the city. A common image that comes to mind when thinking of this is the stone bodies covered in lava that cooled and retained the shape. However, as the lava cooled around the dead, the bodies decomposed until there was a void left in those shapes. Since the 1860s, archaeologists and scientists have used the negative space in the rocks to recreate replicas of bodies with plaster.

The dead of Pompeii were left in this void and stasis. As are so many of the drivers who came to Ferrari with hopes of winning with the Scuderia, wanting to bring back glory to Maranello, and do as Michael Schumacher once did.

Felipe Massa, Fernando Alonso, Sebastian Vettel.

They all joined Ferrari with hopes of winning the championship with the red team and all of them left with their dreams unfulfilled. An empty void of their potential was decaying from the inside as Ferrari continued to make endless blunders and not deliver cars that could win the championship.

But regardless of it all, nothing ever changes in the Scuderia. They're still caught up in the historic past as the dust settles and drivers with great potential leave.

Oh, where do we begin?

The rubble or our sins?

Oh, oh, where do we begin?

The rubble or our sins

The eruption of Mount Vesuvius was devasting for the city of Pompeii and the neighboring city of Herculaneum, but there were some survivors who were able to escape and relocate. Archaeologists have traced some survivors and figured out that they relocated to other cities with social and economic opportunities.

After disaster strikes, there is a question of what do we do first? Do we focus on the the physical things we can see like the rubble? Or the root causes of the disaster that we can't easily see?

Ferrari constantly treads this line of deciding what to focus on. Should they focus on the obvious with the pit stops, strategy, and car. Or the power struggles within the team and personnel.

The inner struggles within the team are endless.

Possible tensions between teammates Charles Leclerc and Carlos Sainz (which have been denied by both drivers, but instances during race weekends kind of make it seem like there is some tension - especially when it comes to qualifying orders)

The Sainz camp beefing with Charles Leclerc: Carlos' mother liking tweets about Charles not having honor, Carlos' father declaring "war" on Charles by saying that it's always Carlos that has to follow team orders and team orders are non-existent when Charles is behind.

The Lapo Elkann tweet about Santander, the Spanish bank that joined as a sponsor after Carlos Sainz joined the team

Departures of staff and Team Principal Fred Vassuer saying that Ferrari is "miles away" from a perfect structure

Ferrari has internal and external problems that they have to deal with before they can have a successful season. It's very obvious that the car isn't fast, the pit stops tend to be awful, and the strategy is rarely good, but there are also so many internal problems with fights for power in the Scuderia.

But if you close your eyes

Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

And if you close your eyes

Does it almost feel like you've been here before?

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

If you close your eyes

Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

In the four days leading to the eruption, the city of Pompeii experienced small earthquakes that continued to increase in frequency. However, as stated above, small earthquakes and tremors were commonplace in the Campania region where Pompeii was. So, for the thousands of residents, it wasn't a sign of death and destruction and life continued on as it normally did. Until Vesuvius erupted and there was nothing to be optimistic about, giving into the grief and pain.

At this point, after nearly twenty years of watching as Ferrari fumbles and destroys the hopes of its drivers and fans, it has come to be commonplace to expect the least from Ferrari. Pole positions are things of dread, double-stack pit stops are nightmare fuel, and openly fans think that drivers should leave the team if they want any chances of winning.

But yet, there is hope.

A look back to Monza 2023, when the Tifosi surrounded Charles Leclerc. The crowd sang "Leclerc bring us the Championship," having complete faith in the driver who went through the ranks from the Ferrari Driver Academy and made his way to Ferrari after just one year in Formula 1.

And it's not just the Tifosi that have faith and resilience in the face of what should be a demoralizing downward spiral from the heights of greatness with Michael Schumacher. Charles Leclerc continues to push and put the car where it shouldn't be with 4 pole positions this season. Making it the second most pole positions for a driver this season, only behind Max Verstappen's 11 pole positions. Always striving for more and not settling for being in the midfield.

The eruption of Mount Vesuvius and Scuderia Ferrari are two Italian tragedies nearly 2,000 years apart. Echoes of one another despite only having an Italian background in common.

[book-of-legends]

( @gholdengodaily ) Mac @ Sirius: "Sorry for the intrusion, couldn't help but over hear your talk about this 'Universe Gate', stuff and I gotta say, you've got me curious. Why were these universe gates made to begin with? These a new thing 'round here, or've they existed for awhile?"

"It's a pleasure to finally speak of something I've studied so extensively, Well... to someone who's actually interested in it, unlike that butterfly creature." "I enjoy questions, after all, I wanted to become a university professor and I was going to become one, but unfortunately, the stars had other plans for me."

"As for your inquiry, the universe gates are not new. They're very old, older than me, perhaps... even older than my mother, Lunala. That is to say, they're hundreds and thousands of years old." "They were created during the deity war. I believe during that time Lunala and Solgaleo didn't have their own realm yet. They were merely stardust wandering within Xerneas' own Realm. Please do not quote me on that however, I'm an engineer, not a historian. From what I was taught, they were created so Arceus could wage war on the other gods."

"As the story was told to me... Arceus, The Creator and God of All was quite upset their creations began, well... creating. At first, it was The God of Distortions, Arceus's banished kin who upset them. They had created the gods Xerneas and Yveltal to rule the soul realms. But then from there, those two gods further gave life to their own creations, the minor, sub and demi deities that rule us today." "Arceus was isolated in the God Realm at the time, they knew not of this and when they found out it sent them into a rage. Because of those two giving life to new deities, their title was no longer 'The Creator' that belonged to Xerenas and Yveltal. Instead of accepting this, it chose to wage war on the other gods, and well That was the start of the deity war." Journey quickly butted in at the mention of Arceus, "Seer, you're telling it all wrong! That's not what happened!" They huffed. "I should know because I was actually there, unlike your dumb nerd books and mom."

"The Deity War was a dumb war between BOTH the gods and the mortals!! It was the gods and their magic users! Arceus only asked me to create the portals because of that! You know!"

"So they ordered a meeting between the major deities, them, and me of course. Because I'm way more special to them than both the mew and... whatever their name was. I got to watch the whole thing!"

"I think I did too good of a job because after I showed them..."

"Guess they didn't need me anymore..." Journey's smile quickly shifted into an annoyed look. "I dunno why! I was like the best demi-deity any god could ask for! I always did what Arceus told me, I always created what they wanted me to. I was perfect! Ugh." They crossed their arms. "Sometimes I wanna go back to the God Realm, but Lunala said I live here now because... 'Your god didn't actually care about you Journey, Blah blah blah!' Yeah, yeah! Sure. If they didn't care why was I super important to them! Hm!?" Sirius gave the Hoopa a look of pity and concern, they didn't seem to care or notice.

→ Journey appears to hold Arceus in high regards? For some reason?

[ Ask from @gholdengodaily & @borealis-siblings ]

[merrivia]

“What people call insincerity is simply a method by which we can multiply our personalities”- Oscar Wilde, The Critic As Artist

“[in reaction to the quotation above] So to act or perform is not the opposite of your identity or your character or interior self, it’s simply another manifestation of it, another means of realising yourself”- Sos Eltis - on Wilde’s Plays

One of the aspects of the Captive Prince trilogy that I think captures a lot of people’s interest, is the layered psychological complexities of Laurent and Damen. We are watching dramatic events of statesmanship unfold on a large scale (the machinery of politics; the movements of armies; the fates of nations) but we are also keenly aware that we are intimate observers of the intensely private lives of Damen and Laurent, and their relationship. Really, the whole trilogy is a masterclass in characterisation, the reader highly alert to what floats on the surface and what is concealed, kept hidden, suppressed, what transforms with time and experience and is made new, when it comes to the essence of who Damen and Laurent are.

I heard the quotes above today (here, if you’re interested) and immediately felt they captured the heart of the tension between the performed self of Damen the slave and Damianos of Akielos, and too, Laurent’s performative selves around Damen and his authentic personality. 

I think what’s key here is that you cannot splinter yourself into selves which function separately of each other, no matter how hard you try. The choices we make in the external self we present to the world, even in our deceptions, often (not always but often) rise from a place within us that have a psychological reality (it is very difficult to pretend to be something you completely are not, long-term). Furthermore, acting the part requires action and how you act and behave, inevitably, will have some sort of effect on you, and your true internal self (whatever that effect may be).

The problem arises, when it comes to cohesion. Human relationships rely on truth and trust- of knowing others, and being known. We may allow a person to be multi faceted, but there can only be one of you. No one gets to be more than one person.

In normal basic narrative convention, it is the villain who is unmasked, who has lied and in the unmasking, his false persona ‘dies’ and his real persona emerges. Pacat does show how overly simplistic that is with poor, antagonistic, manipulated Aimeric and Jord’s comments. Pretending to be two things to justify your actions doesn’t work. (We’ll leave the Regent out of this conversation for there are those people, very few in number I hope, capable of great evil, who lose their humanity and that would be him).

What do you do then, when your protagonists- your heroes- have been lying for survival? The multiple selves they have been forced into, must now be healed, the fragmented must cohere.

Let me apply this to Damen, first.

When Damen comes to Vere, his persona as Laurent’s slave becomes an avenue for him to, as Wilde puts it ‘multiply his personality’. He can become something beyond just Prince Damianos, beyond Exalted. The act of pretence allows another part of him to manifest; a part that was buried beneath the surface of his royal status. Someone who can show humility and deference, as well as dominance, someone who can socialise with those ranked far lower than him in an easy, likeable way, someone who can learn to see the world outside of his own cultural mores (ones that have been drummed into him as a child), and be objective of the flaws within them. Someone who can enjoy the thrill of a mad-cap adventure, of using his brain and brawn together in a way that delights him. Thus Damen-the-slave is arguably a hitherto unseen facet of Damianos-of-Akielos, made real by the performance. 

With the arrival of Nikandros, Damen is finally forced to/allowed to shuck off his identity as Damen the slave and become Damianos the King. Interestingly, an entirely new role for him which will allow him to take his new self forward.

This allows us to see another aspect of identity- the metaphorical dying off of the old you when your fundamental values are torn down and must be reshaped.

He has been irrevocably changed by the events we see in Captive Prince. No one truly loses their old self entirely, but he understands he can never truly return to the person he was before.

What now of Damen’s relationship with Laurent? I think Pacat realised that had this happened in front of Laurent, it would have caused too great a schism in the pretence the two colluded in. I think it was too much of a psychological blow for Laurent to take.

In fact, I think Laurent knows this and as part of his planning, had Nikandros arrive at Ravenel after his departure, deliberately. It’s a very cool-eyed piece of planning too, as not only does it protect him emotionally but it also allows him to appear innocent of Damen’s identity to the Veretians, and saves him from having to act out the part of a great betrayal which would potentially disrupt his plans to use Damen in a military sense. Laurent nearly always kills multiple birds with one stone.

Damen is given space in this moment in the novels away from Laurent, is given his oldest, closest friend, in Nikandros, who loves him, given a piece of Akielos almost, in being surrounded by his own people, talking in his own language, and in doing so, he starts to come together as himself.

But what of Laurent, and his relationship with Damen?

The only way to heal this is through Laurent’s acceptance of who Damen is. Truly, once and for all. I’ll come back to how this happens, in a moment.

Let us now look at Laurent’s journey. Difficult, private, complicated Laurent. For him, all of this will be far, far more painful.

So Laurent too, is changed by his own insincerity. It is clear that he has to make some very difficult choices in Captive Prince, torn between a venomous hatred of Damen, his uncle’s machinations and the ways in which he can, if he were to be objective, use Damen as pawn to further his own ends. The hatred wins out at first, clearly, his hand only stayed by the Regent, by force. After Laurent is stripped of Varenne and Marche, then forced to the border, he must act in a way that suppresses his hatred, swallowing it down so far that we barely see it for much of Prince’s Gambit. In to that pool of venom though, the small pebbles of Damen’s decency, his trustworthiness, start to make ripples, and with each adventure they have, Laurent fundamentally starts to change as the part of him that can trust, does come out and trust. Laurent is playing a part of pretend partnership with his enemy, but he cannot deny the part that he is playing is completely false, because it is not.

Even Laurent performing as a pet, could be viewed in a new light if we see these things as manifestations as opposed to outright lies. Damen blames the earring for reframing Laurent as sensuous, but it is Laurent’s performance that allows his deeply-buried sensuality to be expressed. Laurent is not, as he wants people to believe (that Damen almost believes) “made of stone”.

Laurent’s reactions in Chapter 3 and 4 of King’s Rising, when he is pure, acidic poison, pushing Damen away as far as he can, is all about pain, about self-protection and self-denial. I could spend an age unpicking it all, all the layers and complexities and hurt, but honestly this already overlong post would be three times as long. And it’s gruelling, I think to read, and to analyse. It’s so private and intimate, it puts us all through the emotional wringer. I’ve picked just a few moments:

It breaks all our hearts to read this. We know Laurent is capable of great cruelty when he’s angry. But this is cruelty from vulnerability, from a place of great inner pain. To love Damen feels like giving up his love for Auguste, the ultimate betrayal. It’s also a huge cornerstone of his identity.

Look at how his hero-worship of Auguste helps him to survive Govart in the cell:

Oh Laurent. The vulnerability in this is just heart-breaking. How clear is it, that this is how he survived for so long? Every time he felt like fear or despair might overcome him, he thought of what Auguste- the brave, golden hero of his life- would do and uses that to battle on. He is so used to being completely and utterly alone, that no-one will rescue him:

Re-reading this, even after having read the novels a few times, brings me to tears.

Laurent is going to have to undergo a Earth-shattering change to accept Damen. Anything else just wouldn’t work. He is suffering when he says he endured Damen’s “fumbling attentions”, his face “white” because I think he is being split in two, his heart torn.

His mind, at this point cannot accept Damen as the ‘prince-killer’, as Auguste’s murderer and the man he is in love with.

The two also must confront the lies between them, to heal. That Damen the slave was a deception.

I think it is easier for Laurent to pretend that Damen as a slave is not in any way Damen as a person. It’s cheating, I think, to ask him to kiss his boot, as if the actions we do when in fear of death or pain, defines us totally. It’s a way for him to try and run away from the truth. Damen, in saying he is “the King” is right to say it. Laurent has to accept Damen as an equal, recognise his power, before they can move forward.

It is very hard to watch what Laurent does next. How hurt he is, but also how he wants to hurt Damen. He’s lashing out but underneath it, is a vulnerable young man, in pain and who can’t help but show it. Who would rather Damen leave him, hate him, as doesn’t that make it all so much easier? Maybe part of him wants Damen to look at him and see, this is who you love. But also, take responsibility for how much you hurt me, then and now.

Damen has this ability to penetrate Laurent’s defences, and when he says “it won’t bring your brother back”, the “violent silence” (what a great oxymoron) shows just how it lanced through him. Laurent’s response really is him saying what, do you think you’re so noble? That you know me and can teach me to be better? To heal? And yet you were willing to wreck me, by fucking me under false pretences when you knew my uncle’s intentions, when you knew it could destroy me?

He’s not wrong either. Damen was being selfish. The first time they had sex, it was a desperately painful moment of Damen having to leave and wanting to stay with the man he loved. He took what Laurent offered, even though he shouldn’t have. Pacat’s commentary on this suggests it all happened too fast, and that had it been slower Damen would have stopped it, would have realised Laurent was not in the right state of mind. Wanting to forget is not the same as wanting the man you love.

Laurent’s mimicry of Damen at his most vulnerable, in his own language, of how much he wanted Laurent, when he had utterly forgotten himself and thrown his soul into making love to him, hurts because it’s meant to hurt. Laurent crosses every possible line to push him away, to belittle him, because Laurent’s only known mode of survival is to use anything and everything at his disposal, honour be damned.

I think in these two chapters, this is Laurent’s attempt to sunder himself completely from Damen. To revert back to Laurent, Crown Prince of Vere, heir apparent, poised to take his throne, a cold and ruthless strategist.

But the part of him that pretended, and was changed through the pretence, is alive inside him and cannot now be simply planned away.

The journey through King’s Rising to bring them back together is Pacat showing step by step how Laurent will finally allow the two parts of himself, the part that loves Auguste as a brother and the part that loves Damen as a romantic partner, to come together.

Pacat writes this exquisitely in the scene where they have sex with no pretence between them, where the naked, stripped down vulnerability of sex functions finally as them coming together as their true selves, baring their souls:

That phrasing “the painful exchange of brother for lover” is Laurent understanding that it is time to let someone else have supremacy over his heart, to let himself love Damen, to understand that the way in which he mythologised Damen as a grotesque enemy and Auguste as his heroic protector, must now be exchanged with human reality.

In this moment, the two seem reborn. Damen thinks that he “never felt more like himself” as they join together. Laurent for the first time uses his “little name” reserved for intimates, “like it meant everything, as if Damen’s identity were enough”.

When they wake up the next morning, they both finally seem like themselves. Two young men. In love and able to delight in each other. A fundamental part of their healing has begun. It will continue, in the Summer Palace, perhaps continue for a long time, but it began with their fractured selves coming together, so that they too, can come together, and be together, free to forge new selves now as part of a pair, halves of a whole, for the rest of their days.

[gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot]

Chapter 12 Nemo dat quot non habet (No one gives what they do not have) - Cartagena Part 3

Took me a bit longer than expected but...

Warning: Mostly fluff and a bit of serious talk, mentions of self harm

Dialogue between <...> is in Spanish

OCs mentioned are Freya (Mini @sofasoap ), Olga (Zhar @nrdmssgs ) and Florrie and Mylène (Petra) belong to @siilvan

Taglist: @glitterypirateduck @letsreadallday @jamesrifftapes @mmyrrhh @sofasoap @sinyaaa

Previous / Masterlist / Next

‘‘Never thought I’d see the day’’

Christine had to laugh at Simon’s grumbled comment, her eyes darting to what she could see of his face before going back to what they both were watching. Johnny and Gabi, dancing salsa among other patrons at the bar they were at, after having dinner.

‘‘You never thought you’d see Johnny dancing?’’

‘‘Didn’t know he could even move following a rythm’’ Simon snorted, shaking his head lightly. ‘‘God knows how bloody difficult it is to make him follow directions’’

‘‘Don’t be like that’’ She laughed again, her fingers tapping on her thighs, following the music. She had been dancing with Gabi until the previous song, then preferred to sit and allow Johnny to dance with his partner. ‘‘Freya and I taught him… he said he wanted to learn because it was a good way to pick hens up’’

‘‘Freya… think I met her last December, when Johnny’s mother and her came to base to pick him up to go North. His twin sister?’’ Simon nodded slowly when she gave an affirmative hum, absorbed by the music, and leant back in his chair with his almost finished beer in hand. They had chosen the darkest corner in the bar they could find, both for their own comfort and to avoid needless chatter with other patrons. That allowed him to drink without fear of being seen or ogled at. He didn’t mind Johnny looking, and he had waited until Gabi had left the table to dance. And everytime he had lowered his face mask, Christine had looked away politely.

His mobile phone vibrated in his pocket, and with a grunt, Simon left the beer on the table and checked the device. Curious, Christine looked at him briefly, quickly realizing he was smiling under the mask, while he typed an answer to whoever it was.

She wasn’t sure where it came from. But a dark, piercing wave of jealousy made her throat tighten in a knot, and a hollow void open in her chest, right where her heart was.

‘‘Who is it?’’ Fuck, why did she ask. What if it was some…

‘‘Price’’ Simon answered calmly. If he noticed the dark venom in her voice, he didn’t show it, but his voice was like molten lava on her ears. She couldn’t help but lean towards him, and suddenly, Simon grabbed her chair and dragged it closer while ignoring her sudden yelp, until their thighs were pressed together. ‘‘He asks how is everything, every day’’

‘‘You are fond of him, aren’t you’’ Christine looked down at her drink, stirring the straw and making the ice cubes clink together, trying to distract herself from the heat she felt on her face. Stupid jealousy. But the fact that he wanted her closer made the dark flames soothe a bit.

Next to her, Simon nodded to himself, acutely aware that something was off within her, but for the life of him couldn’t figure out what.

‘‘If I’m alive today, is thanks to him’’ And to Laswell, he thought. And to Kyle and Johnny. And even to Nikolai. Baffled, he suddenly realized how many people were closer to his dark, stunted heart than he previously realized. Mylène. Olga. More than the fingers on one hand.

Christine seemed about to say something when in that moment, Johnny and Gabi returned briefly to the table to have a sip of their mostly watered down drinks.

‘‘Having fun, here in yer dark corner?’’ Johnny teased, chuckling when all he got was a glare for both of his friends. Gabi giggled and sat down for a moment, grabbing her phone.

‘‘Oooh, this poor man’’ She rolled her eyes, and started to type an answer to some text. Johnny tried to look over her shoulder.

‘‘What’s the matter, hen?’’

‘‘Grizzly’’ Gabi chuckled when Riot exhaled a grunt, trying to focus on her drink and not roll her eyes too hard. ‘‘He’s trying to woo Florrie and is asking if I know her favourite flowers’’

‘‘Florrie is the little bird working with ye and Laswell?’’ Johnny looked over her shoulder, grinning. ‘‘Cute little thing’’

‘‘She is a doll!’’ Gabi nodded, smiling widely, in the middle of typing, Then she stopped, thinking. ‘‘Ok, what was the name…’’

‘‘Gaillardias or chocolate cosmos, but I wish him luck finding them in the UK’’ Christine huffed, stirring the straw again. ‘‘Tell him to get her poppies. If he can find californian ones, the better’’

‘‘Oh yes! Good idea’’ Gabi started typing again, without losing her smile. Christine pushed her knee with hers.

‘‘Don’t tell him it was me!’’

‘‘Too late!’’ The younger woman avoided another push from Christine’s knee, laughing, and returned her phone to her bag. ‘‘Phew, I couldn’t remember… Crisis averted! The poor sod is desperate, and she is no better… How did you know, by the way?’’

‘‘Uh… last week we were at Heather’s and you three were yapping about flowers’’ Christine tried to shrug it off, looking desperately at Johnny and Simon, but both men knew better. Gabi’s eyes flashed with delight.

‘‘You were listening!’’

‘‘Hard not to’’ Christine grumbled, leaning back in her chair as Gabi leant forward, all smiles.

‘‘So, what do you say we go have some fun before going back to the apartment?’’

‘‘Not interested’’ Simon shrugged, and Christine looked at him with gratefulness before giving her own reply.

‘‘Not interested either, but you two have fun’’

‘‘We’ll try!’’ Gabi giggled, and hugged Christine tightly, a bit too tight for the blonde woman’s liking, but she allowed it with an indulgent chuckle.

‘‘Try to be good instead’’

‘‘Where’s the fun in that’?’’ Johnny chuckled, bending down to kiss Christine’s cheek, and then patted fondly Simon’s shoulder. ‘‘Ye know, Lt, if ye need’em…’’

‘‘Fuck off, MacTavish’’ Simon grunted, but the Scot just laughed and followed his girlfriend out of the bar. The Lieutenant continued grumbling while him and Christine collected their things to leave as well.

‘‘If you need… what?’’ Christine looked up at him, with curiosity in her blue eyes, and Simon felt his ears starting to burn.

‘‘Nothing, don’t worry about it. Let’s go’’

It was a warm Spanish summer night, and there were still rays of sunlight in the horizon. The streets were full of people coming and going, drowning the atmosphere with the constant chatter and laughter.

As they walked down the street to the building where their rented apartment was, Simon almost stopped in his tracks when her pinky finger hesitatingly brushed against his. He dared to peek at her, but she was looking away, apparently interested in the shops, her ears and what he could see of her cheeks red.

Softly, just as hesitatingly, his hand closed around hers while he also looked away, his ears equally burning, but with a stupid grin under his face mask.

Maybe it was true life could be good.

In silence, they continued on, only stopping if something at a shop caught her attention, feeling her fingers tapping lightly against his to the rythm of a music that wasn’t there. That felt way better than her knee bumping against his leg.

‘‘Do you want ice-cream?’’ Christine looked up at him, raising her eyebrows, tugging lightly from his hand in the direction of the shop. He shook his head, but followed her inside, reluctant to let go of her hand.

‘‘<Hi, may I have a chocolate ice-cream, please? … That size>’’ She ordered in Spanish, trying to maneouvre with one hand to take her wallet out of her pocket, only to find Simon’s hand placing a five euro note on the counter. ‘‘Oh no, don’t you dare’’

He simply ignored her, and the shopkeeper, an elderly woman, smiled openly while filling up the ice-cream cone.

‘‘<Is that your boyfriend, dear? Does he want anything?>’’

‘‘<No…>’’ Christine blushed, still trying to fight to place her own five euro note on the counter, with Simon pushing it away. The shopkeeper giggled, looking pointedly at their hands, still intertwined.

‘‘<He isn’t your boyfriend?>’’

‘‘<Yes! No!>’’ She sputtered, even redder, and feeling even worse listening to the chuckling rumble coming from Simon. ‘‘<I mean…>’’

‘‘<The boyfriend doesn’t want anything, thank you>’’ Simon said, annoyingly calm and collected as always, but the bastard seemed to be having a great time, judging by the way his dark brown eyes sparkled.

And he managed to pay.

‘‘You didn’t have to pay’’ Christine protested once they were in the street again, continuing their path towards the apartment, but she was happily tasting the treat, with her face mask under her chin. Simon shrugged, still keeping her free hand in his.

‘‘I wanted to…’’ He looked down at her, chuckling for himself. ‘‘… sweetheart’’

She almost choked on the ice-cream, feeling her ears burn. It took a few deep breaths before she was able to even dare ask.

‘‘… are we dating now then?’’

And now it was his turn to feel his blood run cold. What were they? The question seemed stupidly childish. For months, Simon had avoided thinking about it, about the officiality of it. Dating, like two teenagers. Fucking hell.

And still, being together, hand in hand, felt strangely… apropriate. As if it should be.

‘‘I think we’re way past dating, lovie’’ He sighed, and for some reason, instead of feeling dread, his own words brought him a strange sense of peace. Acceptance. Still, he tried to tease her. ‘‘I’m afraid you have ruined me for anyone else’’

His teasing flew over her head completely.

‘‘… so have you’’ Christine murmured meekily into her ice-cream. Feeling like a fool, and ridiculous, but at the same time stupidly hopeful. The tiny voice inside her head was yelling at her that she didn’t deserve it, but she consciously tried to drown it.

‘‘That’s why you got all jealous about me texting back at the bar?’’

She wished the ground would open and swallow her.

‘‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’’

‘‘Sure you don’t’’ Simon chuckled quietly. It wasn’t expected, but it felt good. To know she felt possessive of him. Maybe it wasn’t that bad that he felt possessive of her too.

She grumbled something under her breath and offered him her ice-cream. He lowered his face mask to take a bite out of it, his eyes looking fondly at the back of her head when she turned away to not look at him by accident.

They kept their comfortable silence, walking hand in hand, until way after they arrived at the apartment. Like an old couple that understood each other without words, showering one after the other, and then crashing together on the sofa to watch the telly until Johnny and Gabi came back or they were too tired to stay up.

‘‘Where did you get that?’’

Christine turned her eyes from the tv to him, and then down to her thighs following his gaze. She was wearing again his t-shirt and her pyjama shorts, and the pinkish scar on her right thigh was visible, like the previous night.

‘‘Oh, that was in Colombia… Kate sent me to eliminate a cartel boss’’

Simon nodded, still looking at her pale, supple thigh, almost wishing he had the balls to run his fingers along the scar. They were basically cuddling again on the sofa, with Christine comfortably nestled under his right arm, and her folded legs almost on his lap.

‘‘He put up a fight?’’

‘‘Oh no, that part was easy. His bodyguards not so much though’’ She shrugged, touching the edge of the scar. ‘‘He had guard dogs. Hungry beasts that chased me all throughout the estate until I climbed up the barbed wire and… I got stuck’’

He looked at her now, confused.

‘‘You got stuck on the barbed wire’’

‘‘I didn’t want to shoot the doggies!’’ She defended herself, trying to not smile. ‘‘So instead of getting out the way I came in, I had to improvise and… I got stuck. Trying to free myself I cut my leg with the barbed wire but it wasn’t that serious, I just bruise and scar easily…’’

‘‘You got stuck on the barbed wire’’ His voice was as gravelly as ever, but there was a slight rumble in there that made her almost shiver.

‘‘Yup. Hanging like cold meat in a deli, I was’’

Simon shook his head and leaned back against the sofa, looking at the ceiling. His shoulders shook lightly as he tried not to laugh at her. But in the end he couldn’t help but chuckle openly, the mental image was too much.

‘‘I like your laugh’’ Christine blurted without thinking, and she could have died just there if he hadn’t kept laughing at her. ‘‘You laugh so little’’

‘‘I don’t often have reasons to laugh, beautiful’’ Simon looked at her again, reaching out his left hand to brush away some strands of her hair. She took the opportunity to trace lightly the tattoos on his arm. Her fingers stopped over the bomb when she felt burned, scarred tissue underneath.

‘‘That one was a bet’’ Simon hummed, looking at her fingers on his skin, and praying to any gods listening that Johnny kept his woman away from the apartment a little more.

‘‘A bet?’’

‘‘Yeah. I wanted to cover some scars too. Had a mate in my first assignment that dared me to drink until one of us passed out’’ Simon’s eyes twinkled with amusement at the memory. ‘‘The thing is, we both passed out, but he was gone first. So… I could choose where to get the tattoo’’

‘‘And the loser?’’ Christine’s fingers continued tracing the designs of his tattoo sleeve, and Simon tried very hard not to shiver.

‘‘Well… let’s say he’ll sit on it for the rest of his life’’

‘‘Oh’’ Christine laughed, and for a brief, fleeting second, Simon’s hands moved towards her waist.

Noises starting to come from outside the main door, and she turned her head to look in that direction. With the movement, the scar that marked her throat was in full view, and Simon doubted, but in the end, went for it.

‘‘What about the one on your neck, lovie?’’

It was curious, Christine thought. Had it been any other person, she would have felt dread at the question. But it was him.

‘‘I tried to cut my throat with a broken chair’’ After a couple of heartbeats, she decided to add more. ‘‘I couldn’t use my hands, I was tied up. During one of the beatings the chair broke, and I tried to end it’’

He had imagined as much, given how light and uneven it was, but nodded all the same. Gently, he took the hand that was still tracing his tattoos, and guided her fingers to his inner wrist, making her follow a couple of long lines that started there and went almost up to his elbow along his inner forearm. Covered by his tattoos, they were practically imperceptible.

Christine’s eyes found his, and Simon just shrugged, cocking his head to one side. There was no need for words.

They had never needed them. They understood.

Before any of them could think about a way to break the silence, the main door opened and Johnny and Gabi rushed inside. The happy couple barely paid attention to them, making out and grabbing at each other on the way to the master bedroom, where the door slammed shut.

‘‘Well, there goes our tranquility’’ Christine smiled, snuggling against Simon’s side again, but grabbing his arm this time, with her head against his shoulder. He was about to ask what did she mean when he heard it.

The sounds of two people going at it. Passionately.

‘‘Fucking hell…’’

‘‘Turn the volume up’’ She giggled, but it wasn’t enough to drown everything.

From time to time, they looked at each other and chuckled quietly, but as it went on, her giggles were louder, and he found it difficult to not follow her in them. And in the end, they were openly laughing their ass off, with the background noise of a bed creaking and the passionate sounds of lovemaking.

Of course they made sure to loudly clap at the end, to show their appreciation for the performance, laughing even more when Johnny cursed them out from the bedroom.

[itaehynz]

INFRUNAMI !

THIRTY • WE DID IT

★ wc: 3.5k words!

☆ warning(s): fluff, kisses (small pecks & stuff), tears may fall.

STILL ON THE PHONE WITH CHAEYOUNG, you continuously talk about what you plan on wearing tomorrow for your "date" with yeonjun. she's been saying yes to every outfit that you've showed but only one really stood out to her. as you notice how she reacted once you tried on that one, you carefully ask "do you think i should wear this one?", she stares back at you through her camera with the hugest grin on her face. "you most definitely SHOULD wear that", she says making sure her liking for the outfit is clear as day.

"okay, i'm gonna go with this one then," you say before huffing slightly as a joke. chaeyoung begins clapping & whistling as if you were one of her favorite performers singing her favorite song. you giggle at her reaction finding it funny how she's way more excited over this date than you are.

you grab a couple of clothing hangers before hanging your clothes on your closet door making sure you know exactly where your outfit is once you wake up. you begin to straighten out your bed & start walking out your room to the bathroom to go brush your teeth & prepare yourself for bed.

"chae, do you think yeonjun'll ask me to be his partner?" you say with utmost curiosity in your tone. chaeyoung hums slightly before saying, "i honestly don't know, you know yeonjun better than me, but the only thing i can really promise you is that when he's ready to ask you he most definitely will."

you smile a little but quickly stop smiling as you grab your phone & walk back into your room. you began to make yourself comfortable and ready for bed before telling chaeyoung that you're beginning to feel a little bit tired. she hums once again & tells you that you can go to sleep but make sure to call her in the morning before getting ready for your "date".

you start to bid her a goodnight while you both begin saying your 'i love you's' & 'sleep well's' before hanging up the phone, putting it on the charger & setting an alarm before drifting off to sleep for the day you have ahead of you.

—

(12:00pm)

waking up to the sound of an alarm blaring in your ears at 12:00pm is not the best thing in the world, but atleast you're seeing yeonjun today. you take your time waking up because yeonjun said he's picking you up around six thirty, which gives you just enough time to make yourself look your absolute best. you walk to your kitchen to grab something small to eat whilst you watch a little bit of the newest season of 'alice in borderland'.

midway through the first episode, you reach for your phone to call chaeyoung like she had asked of you. you open your contacts to press her number & set up your phone on the coffee table carefully. while watching it ring you start to think that she might still be asleep, but knowing her she most definitely is asleep.

but, even though chaeyoung is someone who LOVES sleep… she does also enjoy going out & hanging out with her peers for a while, which is why she loves the quote, 'we're here for a good time, not a long time.'

as you're processing your thoughts, chaeyoung finally picks up the phone. speaking in her always cool & casual tone, she says to you "hey hey yn! how'd you sleep bae?". you automatically snap out of your thoughts once you hear the sound of chaeyoung. you smile at her, "hiii chae, i slept well thank you for asking bae bae, i'm a little nervous for today though..." you say before your smile slowly starts fading away & having a face slight sadness take over your previously carefree expression.

chaeyoung sighs and starts to think about what she can possibly be said to you without being too harsh or careless, "ynnnn, please stop worrying about later on, it's all gonna go well. i can promise you that, take deep breaths & release yourself of all tension within you before leaving your house okay? everything will be fiiiiine~" she says with a genuine smile which makes you smile.

chaeyoung is one of the main people that looks out for you, making sure you're always okay when you start getting a little anxious, like right now. you've always loved her for that. chaeyoung laughs a little when she sees your goofy smile & you start laughing as well.

it's been a couple hours into the call & it's seeming to be around the time you need to start getting ready. you begin walking upstairs to the bathroom outside of your room to brush your teeth, maybe do your makeup and whatever else you need to. chaeyoung's making herself lunch & you ask her what she plans on making, "a small salad with a sandwich— i'm not too hungry as of right now but i just wanna eat something so i don't starve, you know?", she says as you respond to her with a slight hum and go back to rinsing your face.

—

( 5:23pm )

chaeyoung's already finished her sandwich & you've finished putting everything on, as of now you're just adding some finishing touches, making sure everything's good. you ask chae if you look okay and which she obviously says yes to how nice to you look.

you're sitting in your living room watching ep3 of 'alice in borderland' as you receive a message from yeonjun. your eyes slowly skim over the message which says,

jun! 🫧: is it okay if i pick you up sooner? i had everything prepared faster than i expected 😭

you smile at that & respond back quickly.

yn: yes ofc, no worries i'm ready anyway!

he hearts your message before typing back & saying,

jun! 🫧: okay great i'll be there at 5:40? is that okay?

yn: yes that's fine, i'll be right here waiting for you 🤗

you type back before placing down your phone & smiling to yourself.

"why're you smiliiiing, was it yeonjun?" chaeyoung says with a smirk on her face. "how did you know it was him what the hell," "c'mon who are you talking to you right now, yn?" "you're right" you say before laughing slightly. "he said he'll pick me up at 5:40," you say while checking the time, reading 5:38. "soooo, he should actually be here in a few?" chae says with a slight smile on her face. "yeah he'll be pulling in front in a littl—" you say before getting cut off by the honk of a car outside of your house, which is who you're expecting— yeonjun.

"OH, hang up the phone yn & go hang out with your future boyfriend, i'll talk to you later!", chaeyoung says while smirking and raising her eyebrows at you. "okaaaay, i'll talk to you later chaeeee", you say before hanging up and grabbing your coat to leave the house.

once your coat's on, you make sure to go turn off all of the lights & begin taking your leave to go to yeonjun's car.

as you walk out your house, you see yeonjun roll down the passenger's seat window waving at you with a huge smile on his face. you wave back with a smile & open the passenger's seat door before quickly getting in. you both reach out to hug each other before yeonjun locks the car & begins driving off to your awaited destination.

—

after around 40-45 minutes, you've arrived at the very long awaited location & see that it's a little cottage with fairy lights and flowers decorating the outside. yeonjun comes around the car to open the door for you and you step out of the car in pure awe. you cannot believe what you're seeing. 'yeonjun really showed out, oh my gosh' you think to yourself before you look over at yeonjun with your lips slightly parted & wide eyes.

you look back over to the cottage before saying, "yeonjun, this is... wow". he slightly chuckles at your reaction, "is that a good wow or a bad wow?" "don't be stupid." you say with a slightly serious expression. "of course it's a good wow yeonjun, this is beautiful." "ohhh okay, now let's go inside before the food gets cold!" he says to you before grabbing your hand and starts running toward the cottage while dragging you along with him.

if you thought the outside of the cottage was beautiful, you should've seen the inside. the wall was decorated with the polaroids of you guys together that your mothers have taken throughout your childhood years, more fairy lights on the inside, a picnic blanket laid down with a wooden picnic basket sitting on it & to top it all off, cute little fake candles. yeonjun made everything so beautiful, it can't help but bring you to the question, 'will i be his partner by the end of tonight?'... and the answer to your question will be unknown until the end of this night.

you and yeonjun have now fully walked in the cottage. you both choose to sit across from each other and start talking a little. you notice that there's a small bag next to him & can't help but ask him what's in it, "it's some games that we can play if you want to! i figured you wouldn't wanna start eating immediately so i brought some stuff for us to do just in case," he says. you flash him a gentle smile before saying you'd love to play games as he picks up the bag & hooks up a nintendo switch to the tv you didn't even know was there. "since when did you have a switch?" "oh it's not my mine it's beomgyu's, he left it at my house when he came over & i just thought, 'hey why not use this for tomorrow?'" he says before chuckling slightly. you laugh along with him & watch him as you finishes plugging and hooking up the wires to get everything together.

once he finishes hooking up everything he asks you to hand him the mario kart game card & hands you a controller. he takes a controller for himself and starts up the game, you watch as he goes straight into the character choosing menu & tells you to pick one and the vehicle you want to use. "i'm gonna beat you yn," "no you're not, i'm actually really good at this game" you say before playfully rolling your eyes & batting your lashes. he smiles at that and starts choosing the maps so you guys can get started.

-

the first three rounds are over & it's officially the last round. you've came in 2nd place the past three rounds and now you're determined to win the last round to prove to yeonjun that you're 'the best' at this game. the fourth & final round starts with a countdown which has you picking up your acceleration so you can be in front of yeonjun right when the game starts.

you're dodging every obstacle & making sure to pick up power-ups every chance you get, meanwhile yeonjun picks up a shell & launches it at you. you stare at the screen in shock as you watch him hit you & take your first place spot away. now you're on the edge of your seat waiting for the perfect moment to use your shell, you end up right behind him and take the chance to throw the shell at him. with such ease, you've successfully hit him which leaves HIM in shock. you start laughing and pass the 2nd finish line which brings you the third & final lap.

'you're almost there' you think to yourself but before you can finish collecting your thoughts, yeonjun hits you with a shell once again & takes your first place spot once again. you're not even shocked at this point, you knew he was good at the game & he told you that himself! with how hard you're pressing on the acceleration button, you're almost 100% sure that when you finish there will be a small dent in your finger.

you're officially nearing the last finish line which means the lap will finish & you'll lose to yeonjun in second place AGAIN. you're not letting that happen, so right when he's about to hit the finish line... you hit him with a shell, which leaves him in shock once again. you watch as his character spins around a couple time & you officially pass the finish line. with how much happiness this last game has brought you, you can't but get up and do a little victory dance.

"UH HUUUUUH, I BEAT YOU, YOU LOST AND I WON." you say while spinning in a circle doing your little dance. he claps for you & laughs at how funny you look while dancing, "ok ok, i'll admit that you're pretty good but don't forget how i beat you three times in a row before you got first place", he says before cackling like a witch.

you stop dancing & slowly turn to look at him, he's smiling at you. you've seen that smile before, it's not just any random smile showing that he thinks you're funny... it's a genuine smile. a smile that only someone who's deeply in love with you would have. you can't help but get a little shy & look away with a shy smile on your face, "are you ready to eat now?" yeonjun asks you while still smiling. "yeah i'm a little hungry now" you say while still looking away, he says okay & asks if you'd like any sauces with your food. you say yes & ask him if he could add them on top for you, he nods his head softly before going to the back and add the sauce, which is what you're assuming.

he comes back out with three closed trays of your food & he hands them off to you. just as you're about to open it, he stops you? "don't open it yet, let me put something on first and then we can start eating together, is that okay?", you nod before he walks over to the tv & switches the hdmi to regular tv and uses the remote to go over to netflix. "you've started watching the new season of 'aib' right? what episode did you get up to?" "the third one," "okay great me too, i'll put that on and then we can start eating!" he says while you nod your head in agreement.

once he puts on the show, he takes his seat back in his spot across from you. you begin to open your first tray & see words written in sauce saying 'will u',

you're slightly confused so you look up at yeonjun to see him staring at the screen with his chopsticks in hand. you begin to open the next tray as you feel obligated to, and to your surprise it also has words written out in sauce, but this one says 'be my'.

you're starting to put the pieces together as your eyes begin to widen before you quickly open the next tray to see that it says, 'my partner?'— as if on cue, yeonjun sighs & calls your name in a slight whisper but it's still loud enough for you to hear. you slowly look up at him with curious eyes as he says that he has something to tell you. you nod your head before putting all your focus on him.

"i've been in love with you for the longest. i've been a little bad at hiding it lately but that's because i wanted to make sure you'd get a slight hint? moving on, ever since you've moved in down the street from me— i've been crushing on you since then. i've been crushing on the way you talk, your energy, your confidence, your beauty, your flaws, just everything about you in general. but the thing is, you have no flaws- everything about you is perfect. to me. you're the most amazing person i've ever met & i've been waiting to do this for the longest but i was scared. scared that you wouldn't like me back, scared of rejection. it's took a lot in me to even talk to you sometimes because of how nervous i was. but i'm ready now... ready to be the best boyfriend to you, ready to continue being your bestfriend while being your boyfriend at the same time, ready to take you out on REAL dates & make you feel comfortable in your own skin. so this brings me to the question i've been scared to ask since day one— will you be my partner? it would make me the happiest man alive to have you as mine & just be yours."

oh my, he just confessed his true feelings to you and said that he's been in love with you since the day he'd met you.

"yeonjun... i'd be HONORED to have you as my boyfriend. you are the sweetest person i've EVER met and i've been in love with everything about you since the day i had met you as well. if anything, i'd be the happiest person alive to have YOU as mine... and, i'm super sorry for not realizing my feelings sooner— i was in denial for so long because i'd never think that somebody as amazing as you would like me. but i guess i was wrong... i truly admire you & the way you do things... you're so perfect & i'm truly glad i met you, so yes. i'd love to be your partner— no hesitation."

you say as you go in to hug him. he wraps his arms tightly around your waist and pecks a kiss slightly on the left side of your neck. you continue to hug him as you bury your face into his neck and whisper the words, "i love you". he smiles against your neck & says "i love you so much more yn".

you're definitely gonna be staying like that for a while.

—

you both are cuddled up in each other's arms as you both stare at the tv screen. you're laying your head on yeonjun's shoulder & he's laying his head on top of yours. you both have finished your food & it's starting to get a little late. yeonjun pauses the show, "do you wanna start going home & i'll come over tomorrow so we can pick up where we left off?" "yes please do," you say as yeonjun nods & begins picking up the empty food trays to throw them away.

you start to move the picnic basket & begin folding the picnic blanket and turning off the tv. you walk back near the door with the basket in hand to grab your coat & put on your shoes as yeonjun comes back and does the same. he begins to smile at you & you smile back and give him a peck on the lips. "let's go jun, it's really getting late" "okay love," he says as he unplugs the fairy lights and opens the door for you before grabbing your hand and quickly rushing back to his car.

he opens the passenger's door for you and closes it behind you as soon as you're in. he starts the car & turns on the heat before pulling out of his parking spot slowly to start the ride back home.

—

yeonjun starts slowing down a bit as he begins to pull in front of your house. after he stops the car, he taps you lightly to wake you up from the nap you had taken. you slowly open your eyes slowly and look around to see where, once you realize that you’re home you say, “oh”. you look over at yeonjun and sees him staring at you with a fond smile, you start to blush a little which makes you look away. he laughs at that & starts unbuckling his seatbelt “cmon, i’ll walk you to the front!” he says as you begin to smile at how generous he is.

he’s watching you unlock the door & once you do, he looks back up at you. you do the same. he flashes a smile at you, you flash one back. “i’ll see you tomorrow okay?” “okay. i love you” “i love you too,” he says before pressing quick peck on your lips. as he pulls away from you, you can’t help but smile. he gets back into his car and waves at you through the passenger’s seat window, “bye bye jun!” “bye my love!” he says before slowly pulling off.

you walk back into your house & take off your shoes to lay down on your couch for a second and just think about how today went. you start smiling to yourself at the thought of how yeonjun asked you to be his partner & how sincere he was when confessing. you begin to blush and start kicking your feet slightly, “HE ASKED ME OUTTTTT” you say before giggling really loudly.

your giggling stops a little & you let out a little content sigh… you begin thinking to yourself, ‘he asked me out.’ and just as you finish processing your thoughts— you start giggling uncontrollably again…

what a wonderful way to start your christmas break right?

★ prev + masterlist + next!

☆ taglist: @recreatiun @blahbluhblahbluh @iheartsxna @shiggyscumdump @2ynjns @ioszzn @luvsoobs @boba-beom @nobodyshallenter @wccycc @ellesalazar @nyfwyeonjun @bucketofhiros @hyuneyeon @urmumhasacrushonme @xxxx-23nct @sansluvr @ahnneyong @jayeonnature (closed!)

★ author note(s): cannot believe this is the final chapter. i’ve had so much fun making this whole story 🥹🥹