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interpolanticssuperfan · 9 months

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nothing natural | ken x fem!reader | part 3 | 18+ only

hii everyone! thank you SO much for the incredible kindness youve shown me and sweet words so far! and thank you all for reading. i accidentally made this chapter longer than i intended to.. oops. i hope i am doing a good job at slow burning because ive struggled with that in the past. warnings: reader goes outside to smoke a cigarette. lol. enjoy and as always feedback fuels me!!

also, i wanted to let you all know that you can listen to the playlist i have been listening to as i work on this fic which is sort of a mix of stuff that reminds me of ken and stuff i think he'd like. idk i love when authors share what they listen to, so you can check that out here.

you can also reply to my posts or message me if you want to be tagged for updates. i am posting a masterlist today for ease of access.

tags: @heyareyoulistening @itsametaphorbriansblog @alyeria

In the span of one hour, you absorbed more information and somehow became more confused the longer Ken spent investigating every inch of your apartment. You explained to him that you did not own this entire building, and that only one unit was allotted to you, but this still impressed Ken.

“Are you friends with all your neighbors?” He asked, squinting closely at the magnets on your fridge, touching them and flipping frantically through the notepad you used for grocery lists, like he needed to see more of your handwriting, more of the things you used every day. Ken murmured to himself as he took in the words: flour, one dozen eggs, croissants.

You’d reinstated yourself at your dining table with your work laptop, creating an elaborate lie for your supervisor as to why you missed the weekly team check in. My cousin’s dog was assaulted by a rabid possum and we had to take him to the emergency vet, please excuse my brief absence… I’m happy to work overtime to accommodate this inconvenience… He was only a puppy…

So on and so forth. You were confident you could schmooze your way out of a write up. Ken couldn’t stand still, couldn’t contain himself – had whizzed through the front door when you unlocked it, bouncing off the walls with questions and comments that flowed freely.

“No, I’m not friends with all my neighbors. There’s gotta be at least forty other people that live here. Are you?”

“I know all the Kens. We are not all friends. But I know all of them.”

“You’re all named Ken.”

“No. There’s Allans.”

“Right.”

Ken gleefully picked up each cookbook stacked on top of a low hanging shelf, tearing through each one and making tiny astonished faces at each new dish he was introduced to. Recipes on the sweeter side piqued his interest – cinnamon rolls, pastries, cookies. You had suspended disbelief long enough to just let Ken do this, let him touch everything even if he moved your belongings out of place. It wasn’t typical for you to have a man over, let alone one who was learning how the natural human world worked. (And had to ask you with stars in his eyes what ovens were for.)

“These pancakes look divine. They’re putting all kinds of stuff in these. I didn’t know you could put blueberries in them. They taste good, right?” You craned your neck to get a look at the recipe he was referring to.

“If you’re a decent cook! You just have to pay attention to what you’re doing, measuring, how long things stay on the stove. It’s like that for anything you cook. I’m not great with pancakes, for some reason I always tend to burn them.”

“So what’s your favorite food?” Ken asks, setting the book down and taking to the fridge, flinging the doors wide open and surveying each salad dressing, bottle of water, every can of cold brew coffee. He ran his fingers along the labels, as if reading braille, receiving telepathic information about these products from just handling them. It was an odd sight. Everything he held looked so small in his hands.

“Er… I guess I really like sushi. But I haven’t had it in awhile. Trying to save money, make a habit of eating at home. And I just like to make simple things.”

“What’s in sushi?” Ken’s rotating a banana in his hands, picking at the stem to see what it does.

“A lot of things. Usually raw fish. Rice that sticks together to make a shape, seaweed, different kinds of sauces.” It’s making you laugh, seeing Ken size up this banana with a puzzled look on his face. “Do you want to try eating that?”

He shifts uncomfortably, placing the fruit back down on the counter like it had offended him. “We have these in Barbieland but they are not nearly as squishy. Ours are rock hard. And not brown!”

Ken was right – that banana was probably past its prime, but you hadn’t cleaned out the fridge in a few days. You’d gotten sick of refreshing your inbox waiting for a reply from your supervisor, so you got up and pulled a knife from the drawer, setting the squishy banana on a paper towel to cut it.

“Here. Try this,” you cut through the peel and divide up a small end slice into two pieces, holding one out to Ken who seems frightened by it, squares his shoulders.

“There’s something inside that peel?”

“Go ahead, just take a bite! You might like it, how else will you find out what you like?”

“But (Y/N), I’m not… hungry.”

“That’s okay. It’s a very small slice, I promise it’ll be alright, Ken.”

His eyes flash with trust at the promise you’ve just made him, so he abandons his apprehension and plops the bit into his mouth. It’s like watching a baby bird clamor for its mother’s offering of regurgitated seed and berry mix. Ken doesn’t instinctively chew, he just lets it sit in his mouth like he’s waiting for the fruit to do something. You raise up the other banana slice, catch his eye and show him how to chew, slowly, and then swallow.

Ken nods, although his movements are strange and exaggerated, but eventually allows a smile. “That was pretty good. Mushy.” He searches your face to see if he’s given the correct answer, which is even funnier to you than him trying food for the first time.

“Did you like it? Bananas are on the sweet side.”

“Definitely. I think I really like them. Can I have the rest of it?”

“So you can taste!”

Ken grins to himself, gives you a proud stance and swaggers to the side, popping his hip out as he starts cutting up the rest of the fruit.

“Oh, yeah. I can taste everything. Nothing I can’t taste.”

“When I go to the store next I can get you some more sweet foods. But you can’t just eat sweets. Fruit is naturally sweet, but for example, you can’t just have ice cream and brownies all the time. Your body will hate you for that.”

“And I can make you pancakes with bananas.” Ken adds, cocky as ever, already physically spreading himself out in your kitchen like he owns the place, thighs open and easy and confident as he leans back. He adjusts quickly to new situations, you’re discovering, with none of the social anxiety most people might feel.

“Let’s save the cooking and… turning on the stovetop… for when I can teach you. It can be dangerous if you’re not familiar with what to do.”

“But what if I want to surprise you, (Y/N)? You wouldn’t want to ruin it, would you?”

“I’d rather ruin the breakfast than have you accidentally catch my apartment building on fire.”

Ken considers this, starts chewing at the rest of the banana slices while still committed to looking cool as he does so. “You’re so right. So, where do you think I should sleep?”

You put some distance between the two of you, since proximity to the blonde had begun to make you feel inexplicably self conscious, and sit back down at your laptop. You hadn’t gotten this far, hadn’t decided where Ken could stay and if he was even going to stay. Stay for what? A crash course in becoming a member of society? Turn him into the perfect roommate who’s convinced you’re dating now? And how in the hell were you qualified to teach him anything about life, fulfillment, health or success when you were far from the epitome of any of those?

“I thought you said you didn’t get tired.”

“There’s something I need to tell you about,” the sudden change in Ken’s tone caught you off guard, so after taking a brief glance at your emails again and confirming nothing of substance had arrived, you folded your hands in your lap and turned your body towards him, anticipatory and patient.

“When Barbie went to the real world, almost everything about her changed. She still looked like herself, but… it was different. She told us that she got a cold.” Ken gestured to his nose, crinkling it up in dismay. “Sniffling. She had to use tissues.”

“You’re worried about getting sick?”

“No, not… right now.” Ken tried again, attacking it from a different angle. “Barbie said the longer she was here, the more she kept changing. Barbies never got sick before. But she had to see a human doctor, and she started making her own food and eating it. Sandwiches. And her flat feet never went away.” Ken’s distress was evident, but you weren’t sure what he was getting at, couldn’t see what panicked him so much about this topic.

“I don’t understand. What are you saying, Ken?” You tried to keep yourself casual, so as not to freak him out even further; he’d already begun pacing, boots clacking against your kitchen tile with each step.

“I’m saying that the longer I stay here, the less I’m going to be like… how I was.” He sounded so unsure, on the precipice of a conclusion, fearful of what he might learn. “Don’t you get it? I’ll have to brush my hair. Call the dentist. Pay taxes. Wear deodorant. I might get a breakout on my chin, just like Barbie did.” The last part sounded like the nail in the coffin for Ken, who looked weak just recalling the memory.

“Taxes? But you don’t have a job, do you? For all the city knows, you don’t even exist.”

“That’s not the point, (Y/N)! I’ll have to get a job.”

“Sorry, I’m sorry. So… it sounds like you’ll become less like a doll?”

“Exactly. And I’ll have to do it alone.” Ken was silent, pensive as you let his confession settle. Perhaps it wasn’t the changes that he dreaded.

It was doing it without any support.

“I see. So you’ll have to sleep. You’ll have to eat. Is that scaring you?” Your intention was to minimize these facts of daily human life, shrink them down to manageable tasks, not to trivialize his valid concerns.

Ken hollowed his cheek, bit the skin in between his teeth and looked around for something to focus on while he reflected on what you asked. Noticing the cage you had set up for your guinea pig, Ken crouched in front of it without so much as a knee crack, raising his eyebrows up inquisitively.

“Who’s this?”

“I should’ve introduced you to her earlier. She’s my guinea pig, her name’s Willa. See her long hair? It’s really beautiful, but she’s pretty high maintenance.”

Sounds like someone else in this room.

Being so close to Willa appeared to calm Ken down, and you watched his shoulders drop slightly, saw the veins in his neck depress, growing less agitated. “Does she have to brush her hair?”

The cookbooks, grocery lists, the banana had inspired Ken to ask countless questions, but meeting Willa, Ken merely watched in quiet awe.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his purported jab. “I help her with it every day. She’s got a special little brush.”

“Hers is longer than mine. At least she gets some assistance.”

Ken sighs deeply, not taking his eyes off tiny caramel colored Willa, who has no idea what’s happening, just lounges in the paper substrate fleece and wiggles her nose up at the blonde staring her down. He rubs meager circles on his knees as if to soothe himself, then sighs again, long and dramatic. From minute to minute, Ken’s moods shift so drastically – he could be lovingly describing his newfound obsession with bananas and then just as easily pivot to jealousy over a guinea pig receiving grooming services from its owner. Decoding him was like whiplash.

“Ken?”

“I’ve been putting off thinking about this part.”

“You mean losing your doll-ness?”

“Yeah.” Ken’s voice is small, terrified, unbefitting of how he presented himself. Put together, well dressed, toned, tanned, oozing with charm. It all dissipated with his answer.

With your foot, you push out the dining table chair adjacent to you, the scrape spooking Ken as he jumps. “Why don’t you come sit here and talk with me? You can bring Willa, she likes making friends. Just be mindful of her.” Nervous, Ken obliges, sticks a hand into her enclosure and waits for Willa to crawl over to him.

To your shock, she comes without a moment’s hesitation, nosing at his palm and blinking at him. Willa ardently disapproved of your last boyfriend, and she never seemed to like the odd hookup you’d bring over after your explosive breakup. She’d ignore any man in the apartment for the most part, but you couldn’t believe how easy it had been for her to warm up to Ken, snuggling up to him already.

“Wow. She normally doesn’t like strangers.”

“Looks like she prefers your friends. She’s so soft,” Ken notes, temporarily forgetting about the needling anxiety he’d been expressing to you, and sits down. At your table Ken seemed larger than life, so full of color and irresistible personality. The most interesting irregularity you had ever entertained. He flattened the backs of his hands on the placemat and smiled down shyly at Willa, gentle like he was convinced the tiniest movement could hurt her.

(A smile that had the power to devastate – could ruin your life, could make you want to throw it all away just to know him; a smile that Ken saved specifically for a defenseless creature that nibbed at his thumbnail.)

“Go ahead and pet her! They like that,” you encouraged Ken, denying the lump in your throat, who obeys and brings a steady forefinger to Willa’s back, warily petting her in one stunted action. Willa rustles, but doesn’t flee or make any noises contesting his presence. “She might try to run away, so just make sure you keep an eye on her.”

“I promise I will, (Y/N). How old is she?”

“She’s two and a half.” You raise your eyes to Ken, who’s entranced by the small animal and her lustrous coat, indifferent to his surroundings now that he’s connected with this hairy comrade. “How old are you?”

“I have no idea. How old are you?”

This shouldn’t have surprised you at this point. Nothing could catch you off guard now as you went down the list, dedicating yourself wholly to figuring out what to do with this guy. Given how unadjusted he is to the world, is Ken your responsibility now? What would happen to him if he went out, unprepared, unassimilated, and tried to do things like get a job, buy something from the store? Had he ever seen currency before?

Would you have to teach Ken math? You failed calculus. More than once. This wasn’t boding well.

“I’m twenty five. You don’t have a birthday?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s how you keep track of your age. Could you look at me for a second? Maybe I can try and guess.” Ken’s reluctant to stop looking at Willa, but does as you say, and it strikes you to admire him overtly like this, free from the guise of contrived modesty, not hiding how strongly you want to see him. He’s open, almost tranquil, those wide eyes continuously following yours, every single aspect of his demeanor softening the more you drink him in.

You couldn’t help but freeze. Pinning him. You could hear the robins chirping outside on the patio. Buses shuttling along on the road outside. Your blood pumping in your fingers, the hot curl of desire in your stomach. At once, everything felt vibrant, felt… exceptional.

Because of him.

Blonde angel, almost porcelain. Kind with your pet. Enthralled with the simplest items you owned. Eager to assist you with any task, however minor. Naively trusting.

Blind to the ways this world could twist and chew you up. Brand new.

You wouldn’t ever be the source of pain for Ken. In that moment, searching his stark blue eyes for an answer to a question you couldn’t articulate, you wrote it on your heart, that no matter what happened – whether Ken stayed in your life, as a friend or something more – you would never hurt him.

You don’t even remember what you were trying to do with him. Mesmerized, you simply just enjoyed the sight, at a loss for words. What was there to say that wouldn’t fizzle out and die on your lips?

How are you real? (He wasn’t.)

How did you get here? (He’d waited for you.)

Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?

“(Y/N)? Did you calculate it yet? Maybe it’ll be easier if I unbutton my jacket. Willa, stay put, I need to do something,” It flew over your head, you couldn’t hear what he said, just gawked and felt your pulse thrum as Ken started to undo the top of his denim jacket. Deft fingers working, you had to be aware of how affected you looked. You couldn’t hide it.

To see more of Ken’s chest physically pained you – it hurt to look, hurt to squirm and act like it wasn’t overwhelming, burning you up. He showed off his defined, carved muscle, smooth and enticing like a joke or something.

Willa sniffed the salt and pepper shaker, not moving even a millimeter away from Ken as he undid the last button with a muffled pop.

Where wisps of blonde hair would’ve led down to the tip of Ken’s waistband, there was nothing, just more of that milky white skin, blameless and pure and teasing. Where ribs should have anatomically been, his chest expanded then deflated, ripples of flesh rolling, then relaxing.

All of him on display. All of him so… bare.

Well – not all of him. Not yet.

You hadn’t felt anything like this before, not ever. You were experienced – you weren’t uneducated when it came to sex, or… pleasure. Yet it was impossible that you’d felt true desire in the past, even for the man you’d fallen in love with and been betrayed by, because those memories shriveled in comparison to what you felt in this moment, seeing Ken like this, expectant and unrestrained and so fiercely magnetizing. You saw your future, you saw his body, you saw Ken’s long eyelashes fluttering and pretty like a girl’s, and it was too fucking much, louder than your heart slamming inside your chest.

You began to question if you were even real. If this was happening. Maybe you were the lifeless doll. Harsh stings peppered out along the slope of your neckline – for the second time since meeting Ken, did that really just happen today? – and you made the horrible mistake of telling him the truth just as he was starting to visibly fidget, awaiting your reply.

“(Y/N)? Is this helping? If not, I can –”

“You’re so goddamned gorgeous. Fuck.”

“What?” Ken blinked, taken aback. He looked like he wanted to say more, to press you, but he couldn’t form a response.

“I’m. Jesus. I am so sorry, Ken. That wasn’t appropriate at all. I’m… supposed to be helping you. I’m sorry.” Dizzyingly, you shot to your feet, dug your heels against the floor just to feel grounded, and reached over the table for your purse.

Weren’t you the one supposed to be in charge of boundaries? Teaching Ken how to act, how not to rush things when you met someone you wanted to get to know?

Ken had flushed a deep shade of peach, an obvious blush that mottled his neck and spread out to his clavicles, nearly reaching his shoulder tips.

“Did I do something wrong? Can you please tell me what it was?” Ken urged, pupils the size of saucers and still dancing to follow your every move. His face was frantic, lips parted revealing more of his perfect teeth, just another element of his perfect face, everything so perfect about him, and your headache threatened to return in full force.

“No – no, you didn’t, Ken. I promise. I just need to go outside and smoke, it’s not your fault, okay? Can you please stay here with Willa? I’ll only be a minute.”

Ken clearly didn’t know what you meant, or what smoking entailed, but he stayed fused to the chair, biting at his lip again in fragile confusion and not daring to abandon Willa. Fumbling for your lighter through the fabric, you caught the unmistakable downturn of rejection swimming across his features, and the notion that you might have inadvertently let him down made you sicker than the intense wave of lust that had just crashed over you, almost crumbling you, reducing you to nothing but a star cursed to orbit a bigger, more important planet.

#ken #ryan gosling #ken barbie #barbie movie #ken x reader #ken x fem reader #ryan gosling ken #female reader

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unholyhelbig · 1 year

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It is the Christmas season... if you want to gift us with more Kate x Reader?

[A/n: Of course I do! Truthfully, this whole universe was the first thing that I wrote that was Kate x Reader, and holds a special place in my heart. Happy Holidays, there is more to come!]

Title: Just Like the Ones We Used to Know

Summary: It's been three years since your disastrous plot to bring a fake girlfriend to the family Christmas. Not much good came out of the endeavor, but you did manage to get the girl. What happens when your estranged family makes a second appearance, disrupting your life with your found one?

This is a Sequel, Read "I'll Be Home For Christmas" Here

When you first saw Clara, you didn’t recognize her. There was a cold feeling of familiarity that hung in the air before your mind caught up with the shock of the situation. Three years. It had been three years since you watched her fade into a small speck in the snow in the rearview mirror. Your fingers had gone numb, just as they did now.

You stood behind the mahogany counter and squinted over the stacks of books before cracking a random one open down the center and covering the heat in your cheeks with words not registering. Fuck- this city was massive and bustling and of course, your older sister chose to walk into your bookstore.

Thankfully, her husband wasn’t around, or at least not where you could see him. Steven struck you as the type of man to wait outside while the December air chilled him to the bone instead of picking up anything remotely interesting, or at least, following his wife like a dog on a lead.

“How to Raise Children Who Aren’t Assholes? Darling, is there something you’re not telling me?” Kate cocked her head in an odd way to read the title. It was, in fact, upside down, and the least of your concerns.

She had brought in a wintery blast of air with her, cheeks blushed with the elements. Kate held two cups of coffee from the café next door, hers a straight black and yours overloaded with cream and sugar that would end up hurting your stomach later. Kate kissed your cheek as she handed it off, nose frigid.

“Clara is here.”

“What?”

She pulled back and scoured the shelves. You set the book back down on in its rightful place and used your hand to grab her chin and focus her attention back on you. “don’t look.”

“You do realize if she buys something, one of us will have to check her out?”

Curse Kate Bishop and her sound logic. You had sent Cassie home early. It was so close to Christmas and the day had gone by slowly, but steadfastly. You had kept yourself busy with each customer and Kate had let out strings of curses as she struggled to wrap the books purchased. She finally gave up and conceded to a coffee run when disaster struck.

“What are the chances she won’t recognize me?”

“You came from the same womb, so slim.” Kate frowned as Clara scrutinized the cookbooks, hugging her designer bag close. “Me, on the other hand.”

You shook your head, “Uh-uh, babe. Clara is the definition of mean girl. Three years isn’t enough to bury her hatred for the stranger that crashed Christmas.”

Storming out of your Politian parents’ home on the biggest day of the year hadn’t been the best move in hindsight. But the more time that passed, the more comfortable you felt about cutting them out of your life and welcoming Kate into it with such open arms.

The two of you spent every major holiday with Garrett and Noelle, who were on their way to having a little girl. That would make three, squirming kids that you’d happily cart around and change diapers for. You’d eaten Thanksgiving dinner in their suburban ranch-style home after watching the Macy’s Day Parade with Kate’s adoptive father and his family.

You had found your own way these past three years, though there were some rough patches. Your first novel was a hard sell but was eventually picked up by a small indie publishing company before they were bought out by a bigger one that ordered three more books in the series.

It was Kate’s idea to open up a bookstore, and when this place went up for sale with a full stock of literature, it was hard to refuse the offer. In the mornings you worked on your manuscript and spent your evenings running the shop. Kate would pop in between meetings at Bishop Security, which had fallen into her lap after some distasteful business practices from her mother, who you had met only once.

Clint and Laura were Kate’s salvation, and in some ways, yours too. They showed you how a family was supposed to be, and showed both of you that it was okay to love and trust and make mistakes as long as you figured things out together.

Clara was not in the cards this year. Clara was never in the cards, and it had been so easy to avoid her up until this point. From your vantage point in the parenting section, she looked relatively harmless.

“Maybe she’ll leave without buying anything.” Kate suggested, “We can hide out here until we hear the bell above the door.”

“Right, yeah, okay.” You took in a deep breath and ran your finger over the spine of a home-childbirth book. “This is why you’re the brains of this operation.”

Kate scoffed with a charming smile. A bell rang, and unfortunately, it wasn’t the one that was above the door. There was no chill from the winter air or the scent of day-old scones from the café next door. It was the tiny silver bell that was situated at the front of the store. A little handwritten sign sat next to it: Probably shelving, Please Ring for Assistance!

You and Kate gave each other a wide-eyed look as you soaked in the realization that you would, in fact, have to interact with your sister. You whispered (You go, no, you go) hastily to each other, both shoving forward before you popped out of the aisle of books, looking disheveled.

Kate straightened first, smoothing down her sweater with a solid smile. You were a little late to recover, pulling awkwardly at the forest-green apron filled with price stickers and decorated with cheesy holiday pins.

Clara lifted a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at you, lilting her head to the side. “Little sister,”

Hearing her voice after all this time sent a chill down to the base of your spine that made you feel woozy. But this was your shop after all, and the cookbook in her grasp was something that she would have to purchase from you. So, you rounded the counter, careful to avoid her searing gaze.

“Would you like to buy that?”

Your voice shook as you swiped the laptop to wake it from its peaceful sleep. Clara gave you a tight smile and put the book down on the counter. She eyed Kate with malice that made you want to kick her out of the store. It would be easier to ring her up and politely get her out. You could always buy another store or give up on the bookshop dream altogether.

“Nice choice,” You noted, keying in the price on the back of the book. Christmas Cooking: How to Satisfy Your Growing Family.

“You’re working here, now?”

Clara ignored your remark and looked around the meticulous swell of bookshelves. There was a second floor where Kate had decorated a live Christmas tree. It sparkled in brilliant color as a faux fireplace cast an orange glow over everything. There were comfortable places to read and sip coffee, a window seat overlooking the city street as snow began to fall.

“No, I own it.” You dropped her book carefully into a paper bag adorned with small snowflakes and reindeer. “That’ll be $16.50.”

She let out a humph of a noise and swiped her card with discontent. Kate was watching the interaction tersely. She grabbed at the closest book when Clara turned and glowered at her. Gardening suddenly became the most interesting thing in Kate’s peripheral.

“I see you’re still trotting around with your fake fling.” Clara slid the bag towards herself.

“Oh no, Kate and I are very much involved.”

“I don’t see how a relationship can be built on a lie.” She frowned.

“Didn’t Steven tell you he owned the L.A Country Club?”

She snapped her jaw shut and tucked the book under her arm. Clara had the posture of a ruler and maintained it as she let out a huff and stalked past you both. Kate gave a delicate wave but held her tongue as Clara walked from the shop and vanished into the crowds the setting sun in winter could bring.

There was a collective exhale of breath as you slumped over the counter. “Oh, fucking God.”

Kate reshelved the book before wrapping you in her arms, you buried your nose into the crook of her neck, breathing her in. “You did amazing, darling, truly. I would have hopped over that counter and… it’s not important what I would have done.”

“You know what this means, right?”

“That we have to up the security.”

“Well, yes, but she’s going to tell my mother.”

“Not your mother.”

Yes, your mother. Who would undoubtedly show up just as Clara had, but with a purpose. You’d seen her do it with your aunt when you were six years old. They had a similar blow-out that lasted much longer than yours had. Her name was forbidden in the house until that desire to reconnect reared its ugly head and she stuck around for another holiday season before crystal glasses and Christmas bulbs started flying, your aunt a stranger again.

Kate gently grabbed both sides of your face. “We can handle this, okay? You are a best-selling author. You’re dating one of the coolest girls in New York City, not to brag.”

“Very humble, Katie.”

She chuckled and soothed the color in your cheeks with her thumbs. “Fuck your family and whatever they throw at us. We’re unstoppable.”

You kissed her, tasting the caramel coffee against her lips. She hummed into the embrace and pulled you back into a comforting hug. You really hoped she was right, but you had a sneaking suspicion that this Christmas was going to be hell.

#Kate Bishop #Kate Bishop x reader #Kate Bishop x y/n #Kate Bishop x you #Christmas au #Hawkeye #hawkeye series #hawkeye kate bishop

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mxtxfoodzine · 5 months

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Hello! I am interested in participating as a writer, but I am a little confused at how this works so...

Did I get it correctly that first, people will sign up with recipes, and then artists and writers will select a recipe they want to work with from a list? Like big bang claims?

Also is there a min. word count?

Thank you and also thank you for modding this project, I loved the 2 previous zines!

Thanks for your question! Basically, this is how the zine goes:

Creators complete the zine sign-up form (different from the interest check; this year's sign-ups won't be out until December 28).

After the sign-up period is over, creators find recipes/dishes they like and "claim" them in a spreadsheet so that other participants know those dishes are taken. These recipes are not provided ahead of time; you have to go out and find one for yourself. For example, if you want to claim hot chocolate as your entry theme, you have to write "hot chocolate" on the spreadsheet, test/finalize a hot chocolate recipe if you don't already have a tried and tested version you love, and write a fic that incorporates hot chocolate in some way.

If you plan to draw or make art for the zine but don't have a recipe to share, find someone who has already claimed a recipe and ask to collaborate with them. For example, if you're a writer, and an artist who chose "fried rice" is open to collaboration, you can work together to make a fic that features fried rice and a piece of art based on the fic (or vice versa).

As I mentioned earlier, you will be required to test your recipe sometime during the creation period (roughly from January-August), unless you have already tried it and can vouch for its quality. If you only recently found your recipe in a cookbook/on the internet, try it at least once and note any changes you make; and if you're sharing something like a family recipe that can't be found elsewhere, make sure to do a test run with exact measurements if you're used to eyeballing them.

Fics must be between 1000 and 7000 words. You can go over 7k if you really need to, but fics under 1k are not permitted.

#asks #mxtxfoodzine

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rwby-necromancer-au · 3 months

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Good start so far! A small step to successfully keeping the house together-🐈‍⬛

[ time passes, and Qrow finishes cleaning the kitchen the best he can ]

[ He wasn’t all too good at cleaning, his own house looks pretty messy and sad. But this was kind of nice to do, even if he didn’t know where everything goes. ]

[ He sighs and looks up at the stairs, time to go check on the kid, he supposes ]

[ Heading upstairs, he looks down the hall trying to find Oscar’s room, noticing a very colorful door. ]

[ Qrow gives a small laugh. ]

Qrow: of course Oz would paint his son’s room any color the kid would want.

[ He heads over to the door and knocks on the door ]

Oscar: yea?

Qrow: can I come in?

Oscar: …ok

[ He opens the door just a small bit, enough to poke his head inside. ]

[ Looking down, he sees the drawing Oscar is working on. It’s pretty detailed for a kid of Oscar’s age. ]

Qrow: your drawing looks really nice kid.

Oscar: thanky…

[ there’s an awkward silence between them for a little bit ]

Qrow: I’m… uh. Sorry, for upsetting you, even if I don’t know what I did wrong.

Oscar: no… I sorry.

Qrow: for what?

Oscar: …Didn’t want papa to leave…

[ Qrow blinks ]

Qrow: you thought your dad was gonna leave because of me? Because you thought he’d like me more than you?

[ Oscar gets tears in his eyes ]

Oscar: mhm…

[ Qrow opens the door some more and steps inside Oscar’s room. He gently closes the door behind him, walks over to him, and sits down ]

Qrow: let me ask you this, has your dad ever done that before to you?

Oscar: no…

Qrow: alright, why do you think he hasn’t done that when he’s met other people?

[ Oscar points at him ]

Oscar: papa trusts you. A lot.

Qrow: more than other people?

Oscar: mhm

Qrow: then why not be mean to Glynda?

Oscar: papa no interest in girls

[ Qrow’s cheeks flush a little bit, realizing what the child is saying ]

Qrow: well, still. Even if your dad trusts me more than other people, he’s never left you before, and clearly he hasn’t left you already. Don’t you think that if he wanted to only care about me, he would’ve already left?

[ Oscar thinks for a moment before nodding ]

Qrow: do you know why he hasn’t left?

Oscar: no…

Qrow: ya want me to explain it?

Oscar: ok

Qrow: it’s because love is not finite. Finite means that it’s… in limited stock, like food at the grocery store. There’s only a specific amount that people can take before it runs out, right?

Oscar: mhm?

Qrow: love isn’t like that. Love is an infinite thing, meaning no matter how much you take, there’s still gonna be some there. And judging by how I know your dad, he’s got a lot of love to give.

To you, to me, to everyone he meets

Oscar: ? Iron wood?

Qrow: well, that’s an exception. I’ll let you in on a little secret, I don’t think I know anyone who likes that guy.

[ Oscar giggles, and Qrow smiles ]

Qrow: but basically, your dad always has enough love for both you and me. He wouldn’t choose one person over the other.

Oscar: ok!

Qrow: what caused you to worry about that though?

Oscar: other day… papa met old mom an’ dad…

Qrow: wait, he met your old parents?

Oscar: mhm, very mean.

Qrow: . . . Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’ve got your dad as your parent instead of those two right?

Oscar: mhm.

Qrow: your dad wouldn’t do that, he took you in for a reason, bud.

[ Oscar nods ]

Qrow: are you done with your drawing?

Oscar: yep!

Qrow: alright, then what do you say about making him something for him to eat when he gets back?

Oscar: dunno how cook.

Qrow: it’s okay, I’m not real good at it either, but how hard can it be to follow a recipe? He’s got cookbooks everywhere in this house so I’m sure we can find something

Oscar: yes!

#necromancer qrow #qrow branwen #ghost oscar #oscar pine

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batfamilybakingzine · 8 months

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🦇 Hello Bat-Fam Baking Fans! 🦇

Our interest check has been up just over a day, and we have received nearly fifty responses from possible buyers, contributors, and moderators. We are blown away by this overwhelming support, and wanted to come on here and say thank you ❤️ Our head mod is working on the Caard with all of the information as I type this, and moderator applications will be open very soon… Just in case you missed the interest check, or would like to share it with someone else, it can be found below!!

#batfamily #batfam #zine #zine interest check #zine info #batman #dc comics #nightwing #batgirl #robin #red robin #black bat #jason todd #red hood #i am struggling with these tags please someone apply to be our official social media mod because idk what i’m doing

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tearsofthekingdomcountup · 3 months

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hello, here is the zine anon again

since you said it’s alright to send you stuff about zines I’m going into a bit more detail about the zines I previously mentioned in case anyone is interested. Unfortunately the preorders for the cookbook zine are already closed but it’s still possible to order the zine as a pdf till they start shipping and it’s likely that there’s going to be a leftover sale too, so if anyone’s interested in recipes from various zelda games you can find the zine on twitter @homemadehyrule

as for the horror zine (also features games all along the timeline) preorders are still open for about a week (till the 15th) and they have a blog here (@bloodmoonzine) in case someone wants to check out some previews of the pieces to see if it’s up their alley. There is also a share goal you can help to unlock by liking and reblogging their pinned post if you want, but no pressure of course. im also going to see if I can find some other fandom stuff that’s currently running, so it’s possible that I pop up in your askbox again in some time if that’s alright with you. Hope you have an nice day!

302 Days since Tears of the Kingdom Released. Thank you so much for the information. And now I will share it with all of you. Anon also informed me that each zine has picked a charity to support, homemade in hyrule will support Action Against Hunger while bloodmoonzine is donating to Medical Aid for Palestinians. Zines are a great way to support for you fellow fans and also get some cool stuff for yourself.

#legend of zelda #loz #fanzines #asks #totk

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tae-ffxiv · 2 years

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Prompt #7: Pawn

It’s a little shop not far from where he works, one Amba had run across by chance some weeks back. He’d wandered in to try and find something, a gift, but hadn’t stayed long, uncomfortable with shopping just for the sake of shopping. But he had picked up a stuffed toy in the shape of an animal he’d never come across before for Khai. He didn’t expect he’d ever have come back. But as it turns out, it is one of the few shops in the city where a used item cost nearly the same as new.

A house cost enough money without also being gouged for the items to put in it.

Khai tries out every other piece of furniture there, happily proclaiming whether or not it is comfortable enough to adorn the future house, and Dayir joins him, minus the exaggerated enthusiasm. Amba starts to wander the little shop. He’s not terribly concerned about furniture - the couch they have now is about the only thing he ever sits on, and it’s perfectly fine.

He finds himself looking at a glass showcase filled with trinkets. Some reading glasses - Dayir already has those. A pair of tinted glasses - hm. Maybe. He glances over a shoulder to where Dayir and Khai are inspecting a footstool. A hollow one, it would seem, as Dayir pulls of the upholstered top, piquing Khai’s interest, who decides he ought to sit in the hollow stool. His ass doesn’t quite fit, and Dayir laughs as he has to help Khai remove himself from it.

“Need something?’ Amba blinks, and turns to the source of the voice. He stares at the shopkeep awkwardly for a moment, then down at the display. “Um.” He points a finger at the tinted glasses, “Do those help you see, or are they just dark?”

The shopkeep looks into the display, “Well, let’s see…” they open up the display, checking the accompanying tags, the pull a pair out to show to Amba, “Looks like these are the only ones that do both -” they offer the glasses for him to inspect. A set with perfectly-round, pink mirrored lenses and brass wire frames. Amba tries to picture Dayir in them, and the image is entirely ridiculous.

“Hm. Perhaps just a regular pair,” he points at a much more normal-looking pair in the display, and the shopkeep pulls them out for Amba to take a look at. They seem fine. He asks the price and pays, slipping the glasses into his satchel before wandering back over to the other two.

Khai is in the middle of inspecting a shelf, standing on the bottom rung to test its strength (presumably).

“I can put all the stuffed toys on it,” he states, looking at Amba. “It’s a perfect size.”

Amba shrugs, “Buy it then.”

Khai grins. “I need to find more stuff to put on it.” He starts to browse around the store, poking at random trinkets.

Dayir turns to Amba, “Oh hey, found this.” He pulls a book from under his arm and presents it to Amba. “Now you can know how long to bake your cookies. And how to keep them from doing… whatever the hell that was that they did the last time.”

Amba grimaces at the reminder of the spiky cookies, and considers the cookbook. “I can’t read it.”

“Oh.” Dayir thinks a moment, then shrugs, “I could teach you to read it.”

Amba frowns, “It’s an annoying language.”

“Yeah, written Eorzean is bullshit, but once you learn it, you’ve learned it.”

“Hmmm…” Eventually Amba takes the book and places it on Khai’s shelf. There’s an odd sculpture there that wasn’t there a few moments before, an abstract depiction of what he assumes is meant to be an aldgoat. Or maybe it’s not meant to be anything.

They continue browsing the store, Amba keeping a closer eye on Dayir than any of the merchandise, only paying attention to the things Dayir seems to take an interest in. There’s some floor cushions they pick up, a few dog beds. A pole wrapped in twine that the shopkeep tells them is meant for cats. A few more odd trinkets for Khai.

Amba stops for a moment to inspect a blanket - rusty orange-red in colour covered in a faded pattern of stars. He takes a mental note of it, and leaves it where it is. He finds a black hat made from wool - likely not well suited to the heat, but the brim is wide. It ends up on the shelf as well.

Eventually they tally up their items and leave, the price burning a somewhat larger hole in their collective pockets than Amba would have like, but it could certainly be worse.

Dayir winces as they step from the low-lit shop into the sun, hand on his brow to shade his eyes, and Amba remembers his earlier purchase, pulling the glasses from his satchel and offering them over.

“Try these.”

“Oh. I hadn’t thought to look…” Dayir puts them on. “Actually a big help, than - oh.”

The glasses are quickly joined by a wide-brimmed hat that Amba puts unceremoniously on his head. Dayir grabs the brim and adjusts it.

“Okay, well. That also helps. Have to say the sunburnt scalp is one of the reasons I stay inside so much.”

They head back to the apartment, grateful the landlord lets them store the shelf in a basement room until they have their new space.

Amba returns to the shop the next day for the blanket, bringing it back to his workplace for Yuhei to embroider. It’ll be a surprise for the new house, and Amba hopes by the time that it’s ready, they won’t be needing the spare mattress any more.

#ffxivwrite2022

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elenajohansenreads · 3 days

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I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday

for my birthday, because I had one new(ish) and one very old gift card to burn. ($20.00 and $1.19, as it turned out; I genuinely don't remember when I got the old one, I found it sitting at the bottom of the junk drawer and wasn't sure it had anything left on it at all.)

I don't think I'd been since before the pandemic; I used to go a lot as a teenager living at home with my bibliophile mother, then less and less as the years went on, and even in the late 2010s pre-pandemic, barely at all because I had discovered the cheapest source of random physical books to try reading, my library system's constant cycle of used book sales.

I know this is hitting me late, and it's going to keep hitting me at surprising times, but I was totally overwhelmed. Not by people (it wasn't that busy and it's a very open space) but by the sheer volume of books, and thus, my choices.

I didn't go in with a plan of what to buy. I used to pick up bargain books there a lot; random cookbooks that looked interesting, or discounted journals, sometimes even fiction hardcovers that were deeply marked down because they didn't sell all that well and the store needed them gone.

I looked through the bargain section (though it's been rebranded and moved to a different place in the store, I could tell by the stock that it was the bargain section) and didn't find a single thing I wanted. I have the internet for recipes instead of cookbooks (half the YouTube we watch are cooking channels!) and they didn't have any fiction I wanted and I definitely didn't need any of the random "learn to do X craft" kits because I pretty much know how to do all of those already.

Which meant I was going to buy actual books and I was not prepared.

I wandered around for a bit and started to feel really pressured; not by my husband, who was with me but perfectly happy to wander around himself and not hustle me out of the store, but by myself, and the feeling of "I'm a writer and book nerd, I write reviews of every book I read basically for fun at this point, why the fuck can't I decide what to buy."

I ended up checking my Storygraph app to remind myself what was on my TBR, combined with the vague knowledge of "oh yeah I can't get this easily from the library system so let's see if they have it in stock."

(I haven't organized my entire TBR this way, but I do have some of it broken down by availability: I can get this from Hoopla, this from Libby, this from my local library branch, but these I would have to request, and so on. I'm trying to work through my TBR now oldest to newest for the most part, but some things are definitely hung up by availability, because buying a book feels like A Big Investment if I have to get it full price in order to read it at all, and I'm not sure I'll want to keep it; shelf space is always at a premium.)

Finally, I walked out with Chemistry by Weike Wang and The Setting Sun by Osamu Dazai, and no more gift cards burning a hole in my junk drawer, mission accomplished.

I'm not even sure yet if this experience makes me want to go back more often (to less the feeling of being overwhelmed through exposure) or never again (because feeling imposter syndrome in a bookstore was so deeply fucking unpleasant, why couldn't I just enjoy being in a bookstore without feeling like I didn't belong there when that's utterly ridiculous.)

#booklr #elena rambles #personal #bookstores

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theuniversalscat · 6 months

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Kari: Lord Honey…. Is that an aristocrat from the medieval period?

Universe: No. That’s a saying in the south.

Kari: What’s it mean?

Universe: it means that his food tastes so good that you will want to slap everyone in the face a lot.

Kari: That sounds a bit violent.

Universe: It’s a figure of speech.

Kari: what shape?

Universe: oblong.

Kari: Got it. I like him. He has a nice fach.

Universe: For all of us, “non Italians” what’s that mean?

Kari: Face.

Universe: Got it.

Kari: So his food is so good that it will cause riots in the streets and mass hysteria all over the globe?

Universe: He’s hoping, yes.

Kari: ok. Cool.

Universe: He’s a home baker, Kari. You ready to get your booty in gear and grab the granny by her pearls and open the can of whoopie pie on this adventure in baking?

Kari: when you put it that way, no. But I would be willing to give it a go, because the way my Ma teaches me to bake is the “5 minute” way.

Universe: What’s that?

Kari: Well, it’s “…let’s stand by the oven and check the thing you’re baking every five minutes til it’s done.” And, to me there’s a few issues with that. 1. I like to sit. 2. Sometimes you can’t see the side down to know if the freaking thing is done or not, and 3. Too many check ups. I mean, I don’t even go to the doctor that often, ok? I don’t get that many check ups! And here I am checking and checking and 45 minutes later that’s 22.1 checks on the thing I’m baking and it’s like, I feel like I have better things to do. For example, I like sit and ruminate and complain but not about my lack of baking skills. Not peek through an extremely opaque oven glass with the light on where everything looks brown anyway.

Universe: how often do you clean your oven?

Kari: not very.

Universe: Then maybe you should invest in his book.

Kari: it’s on my Christmas list.

Universe: Good plan. On a separate note, are you ok with opening presents early?

Kari: It depends.

Universe: on what?

Kari: if it’s timely then it’s necessary. Like if you give me a delicious panettone I’d want to eat it right away otherwise it goes stale. If it’s a fruit cake I’ll get to it in about 6 years…

Universe: Yes, no, not a fruitcake.

Kari: Good, because I’m trying to eat keto esque.

Universe: A panettone isn’t keto esque.

Kari: Oh I know! It’s one of those desserts I have to try regardless. Too many panettones, no fitting in my pantaloons.

Universe: yes.

Kari: Ok, well, if this guy’s cookbook isn’t from the Middle Ages I think I’d like to try the recipes, because I don’t think I’d like the hygienic practices of baking in the Middle Ages. I’d rather not die of dysentery, as a lot of tshirts say now a days oddly enough.

Universe: Yes, Jason bakes from the heart, not any other way.

Kari: Well that’s a relief, although with his washed hands would be even more hygienic… 😉💦👏

Universe: Yes. It would.

Stephen Hawking: Please excuse my friend Kari, as she has an interpretation that is part literalist, and part silly.

Kari: Stephen, I adore you, but you’re an odd choice for a button on this scene…

Stephen: I was the only one left in this conversation. Everyone that heard that Jason baked with his heart, fled. I, myself, am not interested in trying bakery.

Kari: oh no….. 🙈🤷‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Scene.

Appendices-

Universe: we’re not telling her that her gift is her better mood from having written about a nice person.

Kari: I already opened that gift! And I liked it better than a monkey likes a banana cream pie on a blazing hot southern Kentucky day if he visits from his home town in the Southern most part of the Amazon Rain Forest!

Scene scene. 👏💝

#life blogging #love #feel the love #love is all around #love is #jason smith #bakery #baking #baker #home baker #baking champion #food network #i love this guy #buy his book #chef Jason smith

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thegongoozlerreacts · 7 months

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Welcome Home: Halloween Update

well hey would you look at that !! the website got updated for Halloween!! very very excited for what new stuff we've got this time

(also yes i know this update came out a while ago i just didnt have the time to check it out until now ok !?!?!? its been weighing on my mind since i found out about the update)

spoilers under the cut

lowkey got jumpscared from the change LOLOL

Wally is so cute!! and Home's little witch hat?? and the drawings on the rock too??? adorableee

OH MY GOD !! THEY CHANGED THE LITTLE PIXEL ANIMATIONS TOO???? IM EXCITED TO SEE WHAT THE OTHER NEIGHBORS LOOK LIKE IN THEIR COSTUMES

ok heading over to the News page for more info on the update

OMG COOKBOOK PAGES??? what if i cooked these recipes. lets see what exactly they are before i'll decide on cooking them (or trying to cook them LOL)

'Our source has yet to send the full book. I don’t understand why. What is it worth to leave it out? Ripping out pages… What a waste. It takes so long to get everything off of them. Still, we’re patient, aren’t we. If you are reading this, please hurry.'

kinda ominous... i do wonder why they cleaned up and sent only a few pages maybe theres smth up w the whole book?? maybe they dont have the whole book ?? or maybe like, it was just like that and the book's pages are just separated and messed up very interesting

THERES A WALLY DARLING COSTUME?? NO WAY ?? dude its sooo insane how theres just so much merchandise and stuff for this show but its just all lost media like how did that happen?? only time will tell i guess

ooh and another audio recording !! im excited to check it out !! listening to the neighbors' chat and interact with each other is so entertaining

something big is on the way after Halloween, maybe a Christmas/New Years thing?

'Don’t forget to wave down below!' hmmmm sus past news updates have ended with 'don't forget to wave up high' so why is it different now? cuz its Halloween? maybe something to do with Wally's costume being that of a demon?? this change is very interesting

i dont have any idea what it could mean or why it changed, just that it is significant so i guess its time to move on

time to check out the merchandise page!!

omg !! so cute

first the cookbook

OMG ITS SO CUTE !! LOOK AT THEM THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS !!

oh my god. the little rice crispies in the shape of the neighbors faces. GRAHH SO CUTE !!! also Poppy and Sally !!

FRANK AND JULIE !!! also Julie is SLAYING that outfit i want to have that too

now i want to make these. hopefully i'll be able to in the future

how did Wally get even CUTER WTFFF also Barnaby as the caramel apple thats so. it fits him very well

next is the storybook record

yo !! this is an AWESOME cover !! also everyone's costumes?? SALLY's costume?!?!? she is SLAYING that look tbh

wait im laughing at the crispy sweets cereal LMFAOO it was endorsed by them so it makes sense but it just looks so out of place

"However, this particular audio rip skips at 16:56 and quickly jumps past Sally’s dialogue to 18:51. Although the sound between these times is incomprehensible noise, we have transcribed what we could." interesting, i wonder what sorts of secrets are hiding in that alright time to listen

very creepy opening but that makes sense since its a halloween thing

SPITS OUT DRINK BUG SPOTTED i will click the bug after checking out all the new merchandise stuff

the bug is in the way of the transcript lmao

'The Macabre Menagerie of Monstrous Mischief-Making' so is that what Halloween is called in their universe? a fun but very long name lmao

"They ought to make one for the Narrator, though..." aww

the more Sally audio i listen to the more i love her

SALLY: [Scoffing] Oh please, dear narrator! Of course they have!

NARRATOR: Of course.

so the characters are aware of the Narrator?? damn then Sally and Poppy really shouldve made a treat for the Narrator

im laughing at the hesitation the Narrator has when declaring Barnaby's costume lmao??

im cackling

BARNABY: Oh yeah, the invitation said it was a Macaroni Macramé Marmalade Moose? I ain’t sayin’ all’a that, I think Terror n’ Treats is better. It’s got a little genie-say-quoff to it!

SALLY: Wha— t-that’s je ne sais quoi you— You beast!!

somehow Barnaby manages to annoy almost everybody pretty easily (and by everybody i mean Frank, Julie and Sally) its very entertaining

also i agree that Terror n' Treats is a banger name i think that the very long name is the name of the party and not the holiday but either way both names are very fitting for Halloween

the ba-dum-tss when Barnaby makes a pun is sooo funny

i think Sally is like the embodiment of that one tumblr post where its like 'we should normalize nicholasnames. extending names instead of shortening them' or smth its very funny

'Magnificently Marvelous, Majestically, Mystifying Macabre Menagerie of Momentously Monstrous Mischief-Making Celebration' im amazed at how Julie managed to make the already long name even longer AND keep the alliteration

'Is that my favorite regular over there? Gang way!' i ship

'Oh! Did Frank bring one of his fancy molds again?' I SHIP

the Narrator's voice sounds familiar but im not sure why

NARRATOR: Julie waved her hand up excitedly and- Was that thunder? It’s a beautiful day outside!

he sounds so shocked lmfao sounds like something realll spooky is going on

Eddie being the only one being jumpscared by Julie lmfao

WALLY: [Underneath the others’ laughter.] Ha. Ha. Ha. …I don’t get it. Ha. Ha. Ha. IM CACKLING LFMAO

HOWDY: You better believe it, Sal! -So there I was at the counter of Howdy’s Place!- The home of everything you need and everything you don’t, by the way- Just mindin’ the shop, wipin’ down the counters as I do. Admiring the array of wonderful products that you, too, can purchase and enjoy—

NARRATOR: I think we ought to save the advertisements for television, Howdy.

now i understand why he reminds me of an old-timey radio announcer because he's lowkey literally a walking advertisement and i can respect the dedication to be a real-life in-person midroll ad

Howdy sounds genuinely scandalized that his product got marked down so far it became 100% off also?? Eddie genuinely being afraid of this too?? im cackling

SALLY: You… can’t be serious!

HOWDY: As serious as a heart attack! I was practically GIVING IT AWAY! But what was the buy of the century left unbought?!

SALLY: [Laced with sarcasm.] I’m… dying to know.

HOWDY: It was… The very sheet I’m wearing!!

EDDIE: [Eddie screams again!] I knew it!!!

HOWDY: Available now for only… For only… 100% off! [Howdy lets out a sound of anguish as he begins to dramatically cry]

NARRATOR: Barnaby patted Howdy on the back as the caterpillar cashier cried into his shoulders. Maybe these stories are starting to get scary…

im laughing im cackling theyre so silly so funny

'He held the flashlight but it… It’s upside down. Barnaby could you turn that rightside- Oh, thank you.' HELP?? pls. love that

WALLY: Yesterday, I went on a walk. I saw a kite, stuck inside of a tree. When I kept walking, I saw Barnaby. He was practicing his ball-balancing tricks. Then, I saw Eddie delivering the mail to Poppy’s house.

[He paused.]

…Oh! I almost forgot. I also saw a bug, sitting on a leaf. It reminded me of Frank. After that, I turned around and went home.

SALLY: …And what part of that story was supposed to be scary?

WALLY: Oh. I don’t know if it was scary. I had a nice day.

FRANK: Well, I liked the part in your story about the bug, Wally.

this is so cute?? Wally's just the most a silly little guy the music while he was talking im laughing

SALLY: [Sally begins, her tone serious and grave.] Have you ever wondered… Why it is that we stay indoors every night?

oh im kinda scared of this now

'...It is because this town is rumored to have visitors at night… Something from deep within the forest, far beyond the hills and mountains… No one knows what it wants or where it’s going, just that it is persistent.. Just that it arrives here.' very interesting, wonder what it could be and how true it is

and now the audio's glitched out on 'what it is searching for' and it scared the crap outta me glitched out audio is scary as hell

oh wait what ?? the audio came back and it is very clear huh... i wonder why the restoration team couldnt hear it because its not in the transcript and they mention that the audio cuts out at 16:56 and comes back 18:51 and right now there is audio at around 17:16

fascinating

see look this is in the transcript instead of what shes saying right now

[Sally’s Audio is inaudible. If listeners can make out the audio, please help to decipher it with us and your fellow fans. Thank you.]

ok Sally's story about the supposed creature that comes up at night scared the shit out of me and what makes it scarier is how clear the audio is like it doesnt have any static-y noise like the rest of the audio, its very clear

then when she stops talking i was waiting for a jumpscare but it was just Poppy walking in with some treats

NARRATOR: Oh yes, thank you- To all you out there on this Terror N’ Treats night, eat plenty, be merry, and be careful… You never know what will come rustling and scratching into the night! Happy haunting and don’t forget to wave up high!

[The NARRATOR cackles villainously as the audio draws to a close.]

bro the Narrator's evil cackling is terrifying also !! 'don't forget to wave up high' !! it makes the inversion of it on the News page stand out more because its not just a Halloween thing, right??? this official Welcome Home merch storybook audio says it the way its always been said before, so why is the News update different???

very very interesting

well then time to move on to the final new merchandise

THE WALLY COSTUME !!! it looks so goofy LMFAO

truly amazing

now that ive seen everything on the merch page, time to check out the new bug video

the bug is cute tho but its a spider and i am afraid

its called listen

BARNABY: Oooh Sally, you’re killin’ me! So much gabbin’ just to explain why you’re dressed like a clown! …Come to think of it, I should’a known earlier— ya do look a bit funny t’me.

LMFAOO BARNABY !!!

ok so this seems to be a continuation of what happens after the storybook audio, or like at the very least connected to the party its all the neighbors chatting with each other which is very cute

the video started with the usual static that the other bug videos had, and the transcript says 'The camera (?)' so its safe to assume that this is from Wally's perspective

ok uh the video and audio started distorting um.

OH I JUST NOTICED THAT THE CARAMEL APPLE STARTED MOVING

zooms in randomly on the caramel apples in the shape of the characters

i think thats a Wally one behind the Howdy(??) one

a bite was taken out of the apple and no one was shown to have grabbed or bitten it so. i think this is canonical confirmation of Wally's weird thing where he stares at a food, blinks, and then theres a bite taken outta it cuz thats how he eats i guess??

hmm the transcript is a little interesting too, but i might just be reading too much into it

'[Visual ID: Something… Has happened to the apple. A bite has been taken out of it, I think.]'

'[There is a brief pause. What is he doing.]'

hmmm could Wally be the one writing these transcripts?? idk these little things remind me of the way that Wally talks (and of the things he's said before)

'[It sounds like Barnaby pats the camera.]'

further confirmation that its Wally's perspective

and like all the other bug videos, it ends with the audio glitching on Wally's name and static

wait ok so i went back to the distorted part and i thought it was weird that if the perspective WAS Wally, then why is the camera not looking at the apple?

and then i remembered that the video briefly zooms in on a caramel apple with Wally's face

and it might just be the video distortion but it looks like it blinks and after that the apple has a bite taken out of it

but thats obviously not Wally so maybe its more of a hint of whats really happened for anybody who doesnt know Wally bites with his eyes

well to end this on a less scary note and more of a spooky one,

!!! THE STICKERS OF THE NEIGHBORS IN THEIR COSTUMES!! SO CUTE !!

well, thats it for the Welcome Home Halloween update byebye !!

#welcome home

0 notes

sfarticles · 1 year

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A toast to staying home for New Year’s Take the pressure off by welcoming 2023 with a ‘dine-in’ experience

Check out this preview of my next column......

https://www.timesherald.com/2022/12/27/a-toast-to-staying-home-for-new-years/

Filet Steak on Toast with Mustard & Arugula and Prawn Cocktail Shots “A satisfying combination of rare, juicy beef with mustard and peppery arugula. The miniature prawn/shrimp cocktails are eye-catching and popular, and an up-to-date version of a 70’s classic” (Recipes and photos from “From Festive Cocktails and Canapes: Over 100 Recipes for Seasonal Drinks and Party Bites” Ryland Peters & Small 2022. Photographs by Alex Luck © Ryland Peters & Small)

A few days ago, friends and family across the country gathered around the Christmas dinner table for a holiday feast. While savoring the meal, it’s likely many were discussing plans to usher in the New Year.

Currently, you may be trying to make restaurant reservations to celebrate the holidays. There’s no need to put pressure on yourself to go out on the town. Celebrate the joys of 2022 and the hopes for 2023 in the comfort of home with that someone special, or a few good friends and family.

Did you know that people from countries around the world eat or use symbolic foods on New Year’s Eve? In Spain, 12 grapes are eaten at midnight. Pomegranates in Turkey are stepped on, with the more seeds bursting out, the better things will happen in the coming year. In Japan, long Soba Noodles, symbolize longevity and prosperity. Pickled herring eaten in Poland was an interesting one to learn…. now I know why perhaps my 90-year-old dad loves pickled herring. His mother was born in Poland! The silver skin on herring, along with it being in good supply, symbolizes prosperity and bounty. And in the United States, black-eyed peas are considered to bring good luck.

Whatever you eat, and whether you are planning a small soiree, open house, an intimate evening with that special someone on New Year’s Eve, or a casual brunch on New Year’s Day, the food served, and its preparation, doesn’t need to be complicated. Creating serving boards displaying charcuterie, local cheeses, artisanal crackers and breads, nuts, olives, pickles, preserves, dips and spreads is not stressful, and is actually fun to prepare and eat. They are not new to the culinary scene. And restaurants have been serving on beautiful wooden boards for some time now. Several recently published cookbooks lavishly detail how to create memorable and delicious serving boards, no matter the season or the occasion.

The beautiful cover of “The Art of the Board, by Olivia Carney (2022, Gibbs-Smith, $27.99) caught my attention with its beauty and at the same time simplicity. As I turned each page, I took in the advice and strategies for composing boards that balance flavor profiles and textures, using the inventive recipes. From equipment to ingredients plus the beautiful photography, your board creations will be brought to the next level. The chapters cover each season.

The author writes: “Food boards are tactile (which is a fancy way of saying they’re an acceptable way to play with your food as a grown adult) and an immersive experience that brings people together.” Carney was happy to share the makings of the boards below. “Build A Bagel,” “Cozy Hot Cocoa,” and “Ooey-Gooey Fondue-Y” “are perfect for your celebrations. For the recipe for “Ring in the New Year” board, go to https://bit.ly/3jbTYP1 .

Another book to check out for recipes for festive entertaining, with cocktails and accompanying canapes is “Festive Cocktails & Canapes: Over 100 recipes for Seasonal Drinks and Party Bites,” by Ryland Peters & Small editors (with photography by Alex Luck, 2022, Ryland Peters & Small, $16.99). This collection of recipes is perfect for memorable celebrations. You’ll find classic cocktails, sparkling aperitifs, dessert cocktails, party fun drinks and easy-to-prepare small bites. The recipe for a “Snowgroni” is a fun Negroni-inspired twist on a snowball. The Prawn Cocktail Shots will wow you and your guests. With this collection you’re bound to find new drinks and tasty food that bring comfort and joy for end of year celebrations and those cold winter evenings ahead. Enjoy these recipes for Prawn Cocktail Shots and Filet Steaks on Toast with Mustard and Arugula.

Bon appétit, and my best wishes to you and yours in the New Year filled with good food. I look forward to another year of inspiring you with culinary delights.

Prawn Cocktail Shots

The headnote says, “These miniature prawn/shrimp cocktails are eye-catching and popular, and an up-to-date version of a 70’s classic. You’ll need small shot glasses and good-looking cocktail sticks/toothpicks.”

scant 1 cup crème fraîche or sour cream

2 tablespoons tomato ketchup

2 teaspoons Manzanilla sherry

1 ½ ounce of each, fresh tarragon leaves and fresh dill, chopped

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

a pinch of celery salt

½ ounce spring onions (scallions), chopped (optional)

14 ounces –1 lb. 2 ounces cooked and peeled king prawn/jumbo shrimps (about 60), tails left on if desired

1 tablespoon snipped fresh chives or a pinch of smoked paprika, to garnish

shot glasses or small tumblers

cocktail picks

To make the cocktail sauce, put the crème fraîche, ketchup, sherry, herbs, paprika and celery salt in a small bowl. Mix with a fork or small whisk until well combined and smooth.

Spoon a little cocktail sauce into each shot glass and add a few chopped spring onions (scallions), if using. Thread two prawns/shrimp onto each cocktail stick/toothpick. Dip the prawns/shrimp into the remaining cocktail sauce, ensuring that they are coated, then carefully slide each stick into a shot glass, being careful not to smear sauce on the inside of the glass.

Garnish with either a sprinkling of chives or a pinch of smoked paprika, as preferred. Serve immediately. Makes 30.

Fillet Steak on Toast with Mustard & Arugula

The headnote says, “A satisfying combination of rare, juicy beef with mustard and peppery arugula. If you prefer, Dijon, English or honey mustard can be substituted for wholegrain mustard.”

1 ciabatta loaf

2 tablespoons wholegrain mustard

2 tablespoons mayonnaise

1 pound beef fillet

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 ounces arugula

sea salt and cracked black pepper, to serve

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Cut the ciabatta loaf in half lengthways and toast in the preheated oven for about 10 minutes. Mix the mustard and mayonnaise together and spread evenly onto the cut halves of toasted ciabatta.

Brush the beef with olive oil and heat a griddle pan. Sear the beef in a hot pan without disturbing, for about 2 minutes, and repeat on the other side. Transfer the beef to a chopping board and rest for 15 minutes.

Using a sharp knife, slice the beef into enough thin slices to cover the ciabatta. Press the beef gently onto the ciabatta, to encourage it to stick to the mustard mixture. Scatter the arugula over the beef and carefully cut into fingers. Serve with little dishes of sea salt and cracked black pepper. Makes about 20.

Snowgroni – “The festive Snowball cocktail is traditionally mixed with Advocaat and lemonade, with the latter adding a refreshing quality that balances out the liqueur’s richness. (Recipes and photos from “From Festive Cocktails and Canapes: Over 100 Recipes for Seasonal Drinks and Party Bites” Ryland Peters & Small 2022. Photographs by Alex Luck © Ryland Peters & Small)

Snowgroni

The headnote says, “Advocaat is a liqueur made from sugar and eggs (much like eggnog) with a creamy, custard-like consistency. The festive Snowball cocktail is traditionally mixed with Advocaat and lemonade, with the latter adding a refreshing quality that balances out the liqueur’s richness. This hybrid of two classic cocktails – the retro Snowball and the perennial Negroni balances the rich creaminess of Advocaat with the bittersweet intensity of a Negroni.”

½ ounce Conker Dorset Dry Gin, or other dry gin

½ ounce red vermouth

½ ounce Campari

1 ounce Advocaat

5 ounces sparkling clear lemonade

a lime wedge and cocktail cherry, to garnish

Add the gin, vermouth, Campari and Advocaat to an ice-filled highball glass and stir. Top up with chilled lemonade and garnish with a lime wedge and a cocktail cherry and serve at once. Serves 1

Build-A-Bagel Board “Everyone has their own idea of the perfect bagel toppings, and this is an easy way to make sure everyone can build the perfect breakfast.” (“The Art of the Board” by Olivia Carney and used with permission by Gibbs Smith Books.)

Build-A-Bagel Board

The author writes. “Everyone has their own idea of the perfect bagel toppings, and this is an easy way to make sure everyone can build the perfect breakfast. The board is easy to customize for different dietary concerns: including gluten-free bagels, tofu cream cheese — the sky’s the limit.”

Accessories: 2 small bowls, 1 ramekin, Board:16-by-14-inch rectangle, wood

1 (7 ½ ounce) package chive and onion cream cheese

1 (7 ½ ounce) package garden vegetable cream cheese

¼ cup capers

6 assorted fresh bagels, halved

2 tomatoes, sliced

1 cucumber, sliced

2 to 3 handfuls arugula

2 bunches grapes

1 red onion, sliced

8 crispy bacon slices

2 (4 ounce) packages smoked salmon

1 lemon, sliced

1 (6 ounce) package blueberries

3 to 4 strawberries, halved

Lemon rind flower (optional)

Place two small bowls and a ramekin on the board. Fill one bowl with the chive and onion cream cheese and the other with the garden vegetable cream cheese. Fill the ramekin with the capers.

Layer the bagels on top of one another in the center of the board, alternating flavors.

Surround the bagels with toppings, starting with the tomato slices, then the cucumber slices, arugula, grapes, and onion. Add the bacon, smoked salmon, lemon slices, blueberries, and strawberries. Garnish with a lemon rind flower, if using.

To make a lemon-rind flower, use a sharp knife or vegetable peeler and peel the yellow rind (do not include any white part) in a continuous strip from the lemon. Curl the strip in a circle, yellow side out, as tightly as possible without breaking it. Hold it together with a toothpick, if needed.

Ooey-Gooey Fondue-y Board

The headnote says, “You can warm up with this epic fondue board in the comfort of your own home when the weather starts to get chilly. Experiment with your dippers — pretty much anything tastes delicious covered in cheese, right?”

Accessories: 1 fondue pot and 8 fondue forks, or a medium heat-safe dish and 8 wooden skewers

Board:-by-14-inch rectangle, wood

Rosemary Roasted Potatoes

10 to 12 small potatoes, halved

3 tablespoons olive oil

3 garlic cloves, minced

2 tablespoons fresh rosemary leaves

Flaky sea salt

Freshly ground black pepper

Classic Swiss Fondue

1 garlic clove, halved

1 (6-ounce) block Gruyère, grated

1 (6-ounces) block Emmentaler, grated

1 (4-ounce) wedge Appenzeller, grated

2 tablespoons cornstarch

1 cup dry white wine

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

1 teaspoon lemon juice

Freshly ground black pepper

Pinch ground nutmeg

For the Board

1 loaf ciabatta bread

2 cups broccoli florets, steamed

6 to 7 rainbow carrots

1 cucumber, sliced

2 Granny Smith apples

4 ounces chorizo slices

4 to 5 fresh figs, halved

1 to 2 handfuls cherry tomatoes

Rosemary sprigs

To steam the broccoli, fill a saucepan with one inch of water. Place a steamer basket on top. Put the broccoli in the steamer, then bring the water to a boil and steam for 5 to 6 minutes, or until the broccoli is fork-tender. You can also opt to serve the broccoli raw if you prefer! Serves 8

Cozy Hot Cocoa Board – The perfect board for a snowy day(“The Art of the Board” by Olivia Carney and used with permission by Gibbs Smith Books.)

Cozy Hot Cocoa Board

The author writes, “Now this is my kind of snow day! Throw on your favorite holiday movie and leave the shoveling for tomorrow. I added different hot cocoa mixes to my board so people could choose their favorites, but you can also make a big batch of cocoa on the stove and save the board for all the toppings.”

Accessories: 2 medium bowls, 4 ramekins, 2 hot cocoa mugs (optional)

Board: 17-inch round, wood

1 (8-ounce) package mini marshmallows

8 holiday marshmallow cocoa toppers or large marshmallows

2 to 3 handfuls white chocolate–covered pretzels

2 to 3 handfuls peppermint candies

1 to 2 handfuls peppermint white chocolate truffles, such as Lindt brand

1 (3 1/2-ounce) bar dark chocolate peppermint bark 8 candy canes

½ cup white chocolate chips

½ cup milk chocolate chips

1 ounce red, white, and green nonpareils

1 (3 ounce) package Sno-Caps

1⁄3 cup crushed candy canes

1 cup shredded coconut

Whipped cream, for serving

Place two medium bowls and four ramekins on the board. Add two hot cocoa mugs, if using.

Pile the marshmallows high on about a quarter of the board. Place the marshmallow cocoa toppers, pretzels, peppermint candies, truffles, peppermint bark, and candy canes in the open spaces.

Place the white chocolate chips, milk chocolate chips, nonpareils, and Sno-Caps in the ramekins. Place the crushed candy canes and shredded coconut in the bowls. Serves 5.

Stephen Fries, is a newly retired professor and coordinator of the Hospitality Management Programs at Gateway Community College, in New Haven, CT. He has been a food and culinary travel columnist for the past 14 years and is co-founder of and host of “Worth Tasting,” a culinary walking tour of downtown New Haven, CT. He is a board member of the International Association of Culinary Professionals. Contact him at [email protected]. For more, go to stephenfries.com.

#new years eve #art of the board #festive cocktails and canapes

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answertrust · 2 years

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.srt viewer

.SRT VIEWER HOW TO

.SRT VIEWER INSTALL

.SRT VIEWER ANDROID

Supports SRT ingest and transmuxing/distributing in RTMP/HLS/DASH.The following servers support SRT and/or RIST ingest: Hardware encoders are also available at various vendors. Larix Talkback feature allows receiving SRT audio return feed back to mobile devices.

.SRT VIEWER ANDROID

Larix Broadcaster and Larix Screencaster can broadcast SRT & RIST from Android and iOS.

ristreceiver and ristsender apps (demo apps from librist developpers can be downloaded here).

srt-live-transmit (which is a demo app from libsrt developpers needs to be compiled from source).

OBS Studio which relies on the FFmpeg libraries,.

.SRT VIEWER INSTALL

Binaries for linux and windows can be found here and for macos, there's a brew formula ( brew install ffmpeg).

The server setup is more challenging since it requires system/network admin knowledge. The configuration of OBS itself ranges from easy to medium in terms of difficulty. This wiki entry can be considered as fairly advanced in that it requires access to a server and being able to set it up. The other category of users who could potentially be interested belong obviously to the professional broadcast industry. If you are able to set up your own streaming server, maybe redirecting your streams to the main services like Twitch or YouTube and are interested in achieving low-latency with improved network resilience, read on. If you're using exclusively these services, no need to read further.Īt this stage of the adoption of SRT or RIST protocol, you'll have to be technically inclined if you want to use SRT or RIST. Most still use RTMP (Twitch, YouTube, Facebook.). Long answer: None of the main streaming services support the SRT protocol for ingest. The librist wiki has also a lot of useful practical info on RIST.Ĭan SRT or RIST be used with Twitch or my favorite service? Both protocols have been implemented in open source libraries, check libsrt here while librist library can be found on videolan.Ī very good source of info for SRT is the SRT Cookbook. Unlike RTMP, both SRT and RIST are open source protocols ( srt specs are here and rist specs are there). For more info on RIST, check the RIST Forum. The RIST Forum advertises resilience for up to 50 % packet loss (editor's note I did test successfully a transatlantic rist stream from Paris, France to Florida, with obs it worked in spite of the 50% packet loss I simulated through a network testing app).įor more info on SRT, check the website of the SRT Alliance. SRT can recover from packet loss up to range of 15%. (2) low latency (as low as twice the round-trip between encoder and ingest server, with sub-second latency usually). (1) better resilience to network issues (jitter, lost packets, delay, bandwidth fluctuations) with mechanisms for packet recovery (retransmission or ARQ automatic repeat request and also FEC forward error correction) + internet bonding and

SRT and RIST are recent streaming protocols, in a growing list of alternatives to RTMP (among which one can find webrtc, warp/quic etc).

Option 2: Stream SRT or RIST using the Custom FFmpeg Record output.

Option 1: Stream SRT or RIST using the Streaming output.

.SRT VIEWER HOW TO

How to stream with OBS Studio to srt or rist destinations.

Play srt or rist streams within OBS Studio.

Can SRT or RIST be used with Twitch or my favorite service?.

#.srt viewer

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cooltoolpost · 2 years

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The Trouble with Refined Oils

Recently I saw a "actual food" blog owner handing out a tub of "organic ghee" to one fortunate visitor. I stated to my husband, "What in the heck is ghee as well as why would certainly anybody desire it?" I believed that blogger sounded a great deal extra "difficult core" than me regarding consuming normally ... unquestionably since I really did not comprehend the thinking behind the free gift and earthomaya.

I have actually freely shared for months that oils are a weakness of mine as well as among the last areas where our family could utilize a "actual food" transformation. Believe me, the viewers comments that call me out on my use of canola oil as well as food preparation spray have not gone undetected!

So I am pleased to share that my duration of "lack of knowledge is bliss" is over, as well as to help me make this change I've relied on Deliciously Organic blog writer and cookbook author, Carrie Vitt. And also I need to share that after a brief discussion with Carrie about this message I went out as well as in fact bought some natural ghee. I haven't opened it yet, but I will with any luck find the ideal possibility to begin utilizing it!

Prior to we dive into this post I intend to state that if you attempted to avoid polished oils 100% of the moment it would certainly be unbelievably testing to leave the house. So it is very important to keep in mind to strike a balance in between your genuine food mission and also truth.

Here is an in-depth explanation of oils from Carrie Vitt in the first-ever "100 Days of Actual Food" visitor message:

Healthy and balanced fats in your diet plan are important to healthy living. Healthy and balanced unrefined fats boost our immune as well as endocrine systems, are required for energy, as well as aid play a vital role in the health and wellness of our bones.

Olive oil, as an example, that is raw, makes use of olives that have been pressed to extract the oil, but the oil itself hasn't been filtered, heated, treated with chemicals, and so on. To put it simply, without getting as well technical, it remains in its pure state.

In a globe where our interest is offered the current research studies it is very important to recognize which oils are beneficial for the body and which ones to avoid. In general, it is best to eat unrefined oils. Regrettably, these are in some cases difficult to locate, yet I've attempted to remove the majority of the research.

Oils to Avoid A lot of the oils used in the contemporary American diet regimen are hazardous to our wellness. They are refined, cleansed with chemicals, and the majority of originated from genetically changed corn, canola or soy. Most oils discovered on the grocery store aisles are heated up to very high temperatures throughout handling; this warm oxidizes the oils. Oxidation likewise develops cost-free radicals that can harm the cells of our bodies so it is best to avoid them and more post.

The processing increases the shelf-life of the oils and also eliminates a lot of the all-natural flavor, making them extra eye-catching for the commercial food market, but much less attractive to the consumer. Veggie oils, like canola and also corn oil, are generally made with genetically modified corn, canola, as well as soy. So, I recommend you restrict using such oils and also stick with unrefined oils.

Below's a very easy list of oils to avoid:

Grease Organic Grease Soybean Oil Corn Oil Canola Oil Organic Canola Oil Grape Seed Oil Hydrogenated Oils Margarine Any oil that is labeled as refined, hydrogenated, partially-hydrogenated Recommended Oils and Fats Coconut oil has actually obtained a bum rap over the last twenty years since many studies released concerning coconut oil were done on hydrogenated coconut oil. We must as a matter, of course, stay clear of hydrogenated oils of any type of kind so make certain to check out the labels. Virgin coconut oil, processed without chemicals or high warmth, is abundant in medium-chain fats that are swiftly soaked up into the body for energy.

This naturally saturated, yet not hydrogenated, fat is getting renewed attention among scientists as it becomes clear that hydrogenated fats have numerous essential roles to play in our bodies.

When buying coconut oil, make certain you get organic, unrefined, centrifuged oil. To obtain the maximum benefits you truly want to find the most effective oil feasible. Coconut oil is exceptionally secure so it is wonderful to utilize when higher heat is required.

In a common recipe, coconut oil can be used as a substitute for various other oils 1:1. If you are sautéing, however, I have actually found that you need much less coconut oil than you might at first assume (because of low water content), so use it very moderately.

Dishes Utilizing Coconut Oil (pictured).

Stir-Fried Wild Rice with Sirloin Steak as well as Peas. Fudgy Delicious Chocolate Tart. The most effective butter is from natural, pastured cows, unpasteurized, and also ideally cultured. Bright yellow natural butter is a good indication of butter made with milk from grass-fed cows. If you can' t find raw butter, which is made from raw milk, then try to utilize an organic, cultured product.

Olive oil is an incredibly beneficial oil and also is most helpful when used in its raw kind or refined at tool to reduced warm. Olive oil has a tool smoke factor (visually begins to smoke) and so it' s finest to prepare with it at a tool warmth or lower to avoid oxidation, which breaks down the nutrients and timesofindia.

When purchasing olive oil, look for oil that is added virgin, cold-pressed, and unfiltered. This can be difficult because there are no laws on identifying olive oil in the United States.

So, as an example, an oil classified cold pressed or unrefined might not actually be so. The first thing to do when looking for an excellent olive oil is to figure out where it comes from. Call the firm, visit their internet site, as well as figure out specifically just how they make their oil. When you buy it, the olive oil ought to have a golden shade and be gloomy (because it' s unfiltered), as well as be available in a dark green bottle to slow oxidation. The oxidation procedure creates free-radicals which can damage the body' s cells.

Red palm oil is a perfectly abundant red oil which contains oleic and linoleic acid. It's a very secure oil that adds an abundant flavor to recipes and also is my favored for popping popcorn.

Sesame oil is a steady oil that is great for food preparation at high heats up. I also like to add taste by showering it over stir-fry before offering.

Flaxseed oil is abundant in omega-3s and need to be kept refrigerated until taken in. Since warmth will certainly oxidize this oil, it must not be used to cook with, however instead only contributed to salads, smoothie mixes, and other chilly foods. It is best to use this oil in small quantities due to the fact that the body absorbs it slowly.

Some extra healthy and balanced oils and fats to make use of:.

Lard-- ideally from organic, pastured animals. Ghee (cleared up butter)-- great to utilize at heats. Tallow-- preferably from organic, pastured animals. Avocado oil-- great to utilize at high temperatures. Keep in mind that even though you're not going to use particular processed veggie oils in your cooking, it's almost impossible to completely prevent them if you are making use of refined foods, as they are found in hundreds of packaged items. As a result, make certain to read the labels on packaged foods to understand what sort of oils were used as well as pick items that utilize the most healthy and balanced components.

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de-cryptid · 3 years

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Simon Alkenmayer, ARG Gone Wrong

Abstract

To preface, despite the use of research terminology, this is an informal publication.

This post will serve as a cumulative “debunk” of the character and lore surrounding Simon Alkenmayer and the species of “Cousins”. I will be focusing on inconsistencies within the author’s creation, “facts” that don’t stack up to reality, as well as historical inaccuracies that show our immortal cryptid is anything but.

Trigger Warnings: unreality, racism

To start off, I’ll explain what an ARG is and why I’ve titled my post as such. ARG stands for Alternate Reality Game, a fictional adventure of sorts where a falsified version of reality is portrayed through a variety of mediums, attempting to seem genuine and create a sense of intrigue to the audience. For more information and a more in-depth definition, check here.

Some ARGs are labelled openly as unreal, whereas others are implied to be. Some avoid admitting to their fictional nature altogether so as to create even more of a mystery to the audience; I would place Simon Alkenmayer in this category.

The author behind Simon does not wish for the audience to know that he and his kind are a fabrication. The intentions for Simon’s character and his memoirs are to convince as well as enthrall, to the point of insulting the intelligence of those who do not fall for their writings.

The character of Simon, through various social medias (though we will be discussing predominantly his own website and tumblr blog), claims to be engaging in the third iteration of an experiment observing humans. I have explained why this experiment is nonsense here.

Without further ado, let’s dive into where Simon, the character, doesn’t quite hold up.

Introduction

I will begin by dissecting Simon Alkenmayer’s “Monstrous FAQ” on his website, Creature’s Cookbook (link here)

He discusses his initial awakening on the shore of the Black Sea in the year presumed to be 1346 due to witnessing the Siege of Caffa. I have minor issues with this - his recounting of the event is vague enough to remain without inaccuracies for a siege that we have little information on to begin with. However, there is a part of his story that strikes me as... odd.

He awakens, conscious and alert, from what we can assume was being washed to sea. He finds himself quite hungry and devours a plague-ridden corpse. All well and good, but if we go down through his FAQ to the information provided about his biology and his conscious thought, I have some questions surrounding his circumstance.

Take this quote from the FAQ:

Why do you eat people?

I have to. There’s no choice. I don’t know why. I am not sure what the mechanism is, but I presume it has something to do with an enzyme or protein unique to human flesh that is acquired and used by my body. Without human flesh, I am dull, stupid, cannot hold fast to memory. I become ravenously hungry to the point of severe and unchecked violence. It isn’t a craving. It is a necessity. I have experimented greatly with it and find that certain things can change how much I need, but in general, I must eat about 10,000 calories a day, and about 2500 of that must be of human origin.

I’ll come back to this segment more later on, but for now, I’d like to focus on this:

Without human flesh, I am dull, stupid, cannot hold fast to memory. I become ravenously hungry to the point of severe and unchecked violence.

Interesting, yes?

Now, Simon doesn’t know anything from before waking up on that shore, so it’s hypothetically possible he’d have been well-fed on human flesh upon the beginning of his continuous memory without even realizing it. He states he was hungry, which shows us he hadn’t eaten enough to fill himself, and with his condition being described as:

“I opened my eyes, and there I was, and I was naked, and there was dirt and blood and I was covered in it.”

This quote is from his recounting of that first memory, here.

Is the blood his own, perhaps? Or could it be from a spurt of unchecked violence, restoring his rational thought?

If the latter, then would it be fair to assume that he wouldn’t exactly be hungry? He follows his awakening with a meal he describes as unpleasant, which I’d assume he would avoid if he weren’t starvingly hungry. If the former, and his situation has to do with being deprived of food, he would not be conscious enough to remember those initial moments, let alone the taste of his first meal. I do not think this is an unreasonable assumption on my part, but I won’t claim this is definitive proof of contradiction. There are ways to explain this discrepancy, though in my opinion, they would be quite a convenient coincidence to allow for a more interesting initial memory.

To be clear, Simon’s character is, in fact, a writer himself. If Simon admitted that he had to assume these aspects of his awakening on the shore, that would make far more sense, but he does not. I also find it rather convenient he happened to awaken during a specific and memorable historical event, but coincidences do happen.

(With that being said, Simon actually claims not to be a writer and to focus too much on the truth and not enough on the art of telling a story in an interesting way.)

Feel free to read the retelling to judge for yourself.

The following account of Spain isn’t inaccurate to the extent of my research, though my religious knowledge isn’t the most astute; his claims surrounding the simple tradesmen of Madrid and their lack of knowledge on “demonic exorcisms” and gaining confessions could be entirely false, they seem very presumptuous given his apparent circumstance.

I won’t focus on that, though, moving on.

I would like to point to another aspect of his “experiment” that really doesn’t make sense, something I posted about here. As his “gentle readers”, Simon shouldn’t be placing any of the costs onto the audience. Do not feel obligated to pay for the author’s efforts in deceiving you and others.

Biology

Simon explains his biology as being closer to a marine creature than a mammal, which is certainly interesting, and I cannot definitively disprove the evolution of anthropomorphic non-mammals the same way I cannot disprove the existence of ghosts. I will, however, explain why the science of his biology doesn’t match the rules of how living creatures function.

Radiation. He off-handedly mentions having a lot of exposure to solar radiation and suffering no ill effects. I would like to discuss how, to my knowledge, this doesn’t make much sense. Simon’s description of his biology doesn’t mention anything about having scales of any kind, nor secreting any form of mucus coating or other physical protection against the elements. In fact, he says that he remained almost entirely clothed throughout the past several centuries (which seems contradictory to the idea that he would’ve endured a large amount of solar radiation, but I digress). Any creature without such forms of protection is going to be vulnerable to UV rays. Why is this? Well, exposure to sunlight is exposure to radiation; cells absorb light and if there isn’t a means to protect against its effects, as the forms listed above, then it will have an influence on the creation of proteins in the body. Denaturing from radiation is, in fact, one of the most common causes of skin cancer (please never use tanning beds, everyone). Simon’s body heals itself at an impressive rate and he has sustained many an injury, which actually would make his cells more prone to incorrect reproduction, something our immune system can’t detect and destroy (which is a reason why cancer is such an issue amongst living things). You see, the more your body requires you to replicate your cells for, say, healing wounds, the more of a chance that mistakes are made. If your proteins are already being exposed - unprotected - to radiation, that increases your risk of issues like cancer even moreso. For him to have not experienced any such issues with radiation, he would need an additional form of external protection.

Joints. His description of his species’ joints as opening and closing, being springy and able to fold somewhat, doesn’t make any logistical sense and also makes it incredibly hard to believe they would be able to blend in amongst humans. I suggest actually looking into how joints work; here’s a link to get started.

Electromagnetic Fields. I would say this is one of the key areas in which Simon’s author reveals their lack of research prowess and also the area in which the more supernatural elements of Cousins run into the issue of all fictional supernatural beings. If you don’t know how biology and our body’s interactions with electromagnetism work, it would be easy to read something about how Simon’s species can somehow create and tap into these fields, influencing those around them. Problem is, we actually know how electromagnetism work, and those things don’t make sense. Any slight disruption to our magnetic field can be insanely detrimental, as our nerves require specific action potential to communicate in the first place. He states that all life has their own electromagnetic field, which is, well, false. Each cell has an electromagnetic field, the type of cell changing its strength. Our brains are more electrical than our hearts, for example (non-scientifically worded). You can read up on how we’ve even experimented with arguably the most powerful natural electromagnetic field humans regularly interact with in articles such as this one. People like ghost hunters and alternative medicine lovers will often use electromagnetism as a buzzword of sorts, trying to rationalize and legitimize what was previously called spirit, aura, or chi. None of these people actually know how electromagnetism functions; it’s a mystery to them, which is why it works so well in their superstitious ideologies. It’s honestly rather funny to me that Simon’s author chose this as their science mumbo jumbo to try and explain how Cousins can totally exist and also have “extraordinary” abilities.

Human Meat. This is the most obvious flaw in Simon’s author’s lore, the one that stuck out to me when I first discovered his social media presence. Simon states that the reason his species requires human meat (remember that quote from earlier?) is likely from some uniquely human protein or enzyme. I must breathe a deep sigh at this, because it’s simply a sad plot device and ruins the potential remaining realism from Simon’s character. Again, like with electromagnetism, enzymes and proteins aren’t a mysterious enigma to us. We have been able to pull apart our world down to the particles that make up our particles, after all. So here is the issue: there isn’t anything unique about human meat. No protein or enzyme. If there were, it wouldn’t be difficult to isolate, I’d imagine, given how much Simon devotes to research in fields such as vat-grown humans. It wouldn’t be prevalent throughout the edible human body, either. It would likely be organ-specific, as proteins and enzymes don’t just float around our tissues for fun; they each serve a purpose, useful or not. Resorting to the mystery of how humans are so unique amongst other creatures is a cheap tactic one can only get away with in fantasy, where the rules of our known universe already do not apply. But this is sci-fi, and we are already scientifically literate enough to know that isn’t how biology works. To further explain, if it were some aspect of the human biology that made Simon’s species rational, they could achieve the same effect through consuming some other variety of meat in some other concentration/quantity.

There are a few other miscellaneous things about Simon’s species’ lore that don’t add up, such as them supposedly evolving before humans, not alongside, yet requiring human meat or else going into a violent frenzy. Any knowledge on how predation works would make it obvious what the issues there are. Let’s say, in prehistoric periods, Cousins hunted indiscriminately and without mercy. They would run out of viable food, tear each other to shreds, not be able to live long enough to see any kind of sentience.

Another claim he made has to do with how much he eats and how long, therefore, a human body would last.

This post explains the issues, so I won’t repeat myself here.

Myths

Up until this point, my disproving of Simon seems unprovoked beyond wanting to explain my own position. Now, however, I want to discuss the genuine harm that Simon’s author does through their obsession with their own made-up species.

One of Simon’s boldest - and honestly, most irritating - claims is that the vast majority of mythological creatures can be traced back to his species.

This is many things; arrogant, racist, childish, ignorant, and wholly disrespectful to name a few.

Especially given how much false information he attributes to different mythos from cultures the author clearly understands little to nothing about.

I’ve made a post about this in the past, which I will link here. (cw: w*ndigo)

This is not something unique to the entry on ghouls, however. Almost every “Monstrous Myth” post on his wordpress blog lacks in the necessary nuance and cultural sensitivity it takes to discuss them. The monsters in each myth, in actuality, are rarely every based on any event. They’re stories told to unnerve people, or have their origin in traditions that Simon’s author neglects to research.

The absolute arrogance required to take one’s fictional original character and reduce cultures as a means to simply pat themselves on the back should be infuriating to anyone. These myths aren’t to be lightly talked about and rewritten to your heart’s content.

Inner Circle

A few years ago, Simon’s tumblr presence was associated with several other blogs that had large followings. They were considered his friends, talking with Simon’s author behind the scenes, and I would like to share their thoughts on Simon’s character as they are.

Glumshoe

Vampire Apologist

I hope you take the time to read their statements, as the insight is invaluable in understanding Simon’s author and the direction they’ve gone.

Misc

As I near the end of this post, I would like to include some things that I couldn’t otherwise categorize above.

This lie that was wholly unnecessary and only told to make Simon look good, for one, but only succeeded in the opposite;

Inaccuracies noticed not just by myself;

Inaccuracies I’ve noticed;

Conclusion

With that, I’m finished for the time being. If I find need, I will be updating this post with additional links and information, but as it stands, I think the case is well-built. Do feel free to message me, whether to ask for any necessary clarification or if you have anything you think should be added, it’s all welcomed.

Thank you for your time.

#simon alkenmayer

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