#i will talk a lot about my thoughts on them later/another time when my brain isnt porridge! lol

[sundrop-writes]

Hiii !! I wanted to request a reaction for Derek, Emily and Spencer

When Single Parent! Reader (GN is fine !!) has to bring their daughter to the BAU for a little bit and she won't stop following the Character around and doesn't want to leave "her new friend" when its time to go? Thank you sm in advance if you write it !! 💕💕

i might swing by later with a dif request, this was the first thing my sleep ridden brain blessed me with ;p

I love this so much (I have been in such a parent fic mood since writing the Dad Spence fic, Star thank you so much) - I think this idea is so adorable, I love it!!!

(I wrote Derek's part and then trailed off and left this in my drafts for a few days, so sorry if there's a huge disconnect between the characters' parts. Ooops.)

Requests are currently - OPEN

How would Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, and Spencer Reid react to your daughter becoming attached to them? (Derek, Emily, and Spencer x GN!Reader)

Warnings: mentions of corporate/white collar crimes (embezzlement, etc.); mentions of the reader being threatened by white collar criminals, mentions of criminals threatening to kill a child; as it says in the title, the reader has a daughter but the reader's gender is not described in any way; surprisingly, for this one, I didn't give the daughter a name. idk, I think that's it. (Edit: now fixed so that the reader is actually fully GN and I am so sorry about the mistake before!!!)

It was a pretty basic case. You were an attorney working on a large company merger - you had found evidence of millions of dollars being embezzled, and when you had copied the files with the intention of bringing them to the IRS, you had started receiving threatening letters. It weighed on your conscience - you knew that the men who ran the company had more than enough money and resources to make you disappear, likely leaving your daughter an orphan, leaving her to wonder what had happened to you for the rest of her life. When you received another letter with photos of your daughter at her preschool attached, now threatening her - you had made your decision fully.

You took your files and evidence to the BAU - you had met Rossi at a seminar he gave, talking about how sociopathy is incredibly common in corporate circles - how sociopaths do very well in corporate jobs due to their driven, goal oriented, emotionless nature. And warning signs to look out for if someone is using those traits to cross into dangerous territory. It was a seminar you had gone to out of curiosity, but you were glad that you had taken his card and you were able to contact him now.

He invited you to the BAU, and the team offered to take your case - to find out who was threatening you and bring them to justice.

Derek found you incredibly beautiful.

He was intrigued by your looks at first, and when Hotch mentioned that someone needed to interview you and get the full details from you in order for the team to get a better perspective on the case, Derek volunteered immediately. He hadn't gotten a full briefing - too eager to get to talk to you.

He came into the room with a bottle of water for you, looking to comfort you with his smile and his charms, and he was surprised when Penelope came back into the room and a small girl came barreling toward you, incredibly excited to tell you that she had gotten M&Ms from the vending machine (which Penelope had taken her to).

Typically, Derek didn't go for people who had kids. Any other time, with any other person - it would have immediately turned him off. It would have dampened your attractiveness in his eyes. He generally had a 'no single parents' policy, because he thought that dating someone with kids was just a lot of baggage. But seeing you - he was immediately taken with you. And seeing you with your daughter, somehow made you instantly more attractive.

And he thought the way that you scooped your daughter up into your lap and let her feed you M&Ms with her chubby little fingers was all too cute. It was unprofessional, but the case definitely wasn't the only thing on his mind that day.

Penelope took your daughter out of the room again while Derek interviewed you, and it was only when you spoke of the fear you felt for your daughter - the potential of her being her by the anonymous person, that you actually teared up. Derek couldn't help but to pull you in close, holding you tight in an effort to comfort you (secretly loving how tightly you hugged him back) - and it was in that moment that he vowed to himself that he would do whatever it took to protect you and your child. He would always keep the two of you out of harm's way.

And he certainly tried his hardest to accommodate your daughter when he found out that the two of you would be sticking around the office for the day - to ensure that you would be protected until the team found out who had sent the threats. He got her a kids meal with a toy when he ordered lunch, he knew there wasn't much in the office in the way of "toys" - but he swung by Garcia's office borrowed something she had that was fuzzy and lights up (with the promise of returning it) and he scrounged up a blank pad of paper and some coloured pens so your daughter could have something to do.

It wasn't surprising when she excitedly ran over to his desk and gave him a picture she had drawn of him - a very cartoonish muscled man with his same facial hair and an eggish bald head. His exaggerated features in the picture made you and Morgan laugh, and before you left the BAU for the day (when your safety was assured and the local police were on their way to arrest the men who had made the threats to you) - you found a different pen and wrote your number on the bottom corner of the picture for him.

He knew that something in you had changed him when he started thinking about taking you on a first date in the park - something your daughter could enjoy as well, rather than considering what bar or late night restaurant he was going to take you to.

Emily was surprised by the entire thing.

She hadn't been around children since, well - she was one. Due to events in her past, and due to the way her mother treated her, she never imagined herself being a parent. Ever. She was someone who thought that she was just naturally terrible with kids, like her own mom was. She hadn't met the person she thought that she could settle down with, so she never thought that kids were in the cards for her. So it definitely caught her off guard when your daughter seemed to take to her like a duck to water.

It was in her natural instinct to comfort you. You were so shaken up about the whole thing, the anonymous danger lurking in your life - and she took some extra time to assure you that things were going to be okay, that the team was the best, and they were going to catch whoever was doing this.

She thought it was a natural kindness to get down on your daughter's level and ask what she was playing with, to compliment her cute little doll and then take her down the hallway to grab a snack to give you a few minutes to breathe. The little girl was sweet and Emily didn't mind spending some extra time with her.

On their way back along, your daughter plucked a crossword puzzle book off Emily's desk and asked what it was, and Emily explained it - so then she took a few minutes to find some crosswords for children online and printed them out, and when she came to delivery them, alone with some pens, your daughter enthusiastically asked if Emily would sit and 'show her' - and while you said that Emily was busy and had other work to do, Emily shrugged and said she had a few minutes to spare. Again, she thought it was common manners, sitting with the girl on her lap while she guided her through the puzzles, praising her intellect when she got the answers right.

She didn't see the way you were looking at the pair, pure affection bubbling up in your eyes.

When the day was over, and it was cleared as safe for you and your daughter to return home, the little girl let out a loud complaint that she didn't want to leave her 'new friend Emily' - and Emily couldn't have predicted the way that those words tugged at something in her chest. She didn't know what led her to kneeling down at the girl's level, promising to see her that weekend when she had a free day - that was, if you didn't mind. Getting nothing but a bright smile from you, and feeling a certain spark there.

(She had to resist the urge to punch Morgan in the ribs when she walked back to her desk to nothing but teasing, how she was getting 'the whole family package' on 'her first date'.)

Spencer found the whole thing (secretly) adorable.

It is no secret that Spencer loves kids. He is very good with kids, and it's clear by the way he acts around kids that he definitely wants kids of his own someday. He hasn't met 'the one' yet - the person that he's going to have kids with. Whether that's through the natural, old-fashioned way or through adoption. But he did always imagine that if he raised kids of his own, it would be from infancy.

He never imagined that the person he was meant to be with would stumble into his life with a child that was already walking and talking - but when he met you and your daughter, it felt so right. Even if the circumstances were a bit dark.

He interviewed you about the whole situation, and when you apologized for crying and getting emotional, he was quick to assure you that it was natural - you were shaking, and though Spencer was usually someone to avoid touch, he found his need to hold you so overwhelming. He didn't regret his choice to wrap his arms around you when you hugged him back tightly.

When your daughter burst into the room (no longer occupied making paper airplanes with Emily and JJ), she was quick to ask why you were crying, extending out a small chubby finger to point at you, seemingly warbling with half-baked tears of her own at seeing you so upset. Spencer knelt down and assured her that everything was going to be okay, and then he moved to distract her by taking the little paper airplane out of her hand and telling her that he knew a trick to make it fly so much farther.

And he did. It was simple aerodynamics and folding techniques. And then they stood near the top of the bullpen, silently trying to get Morgan to look up by flying planes onto his desk - and the man couldn't bring himself to get too mad when he heard childish giggling coming from your daughter every few minutes.

You truly felt those butterflies for Spencer turn into more when he showed your daughter a trick that ended with a fake flower somehow coming out of his sleeve - something feathery and pink that he tucked behind her ear for her to keep, having her smiling and laughing brightly on a day where you had been wracked with worry, fearing for her life.

By the time the day was over and both of your safety was assured, you weren't surprised that she didn't want to leave him. And you made the bold move, telling him (rather than asking him) - that he should come over for dinner and a movie on Saturday, and then leaning over to gently whisper in his ear that the two of you could enjoy a another, more adult flick after your daughter was tucked into bed. Your daughter was too excited at the prospect of seeing Spencer again, tugging on his pant leg, waiting for him to agree - and he was speechless at the implications of what you had said.

He couldn't even think of the word 'no' if he tried.

So, it was a date, then.

Criminal Minds Masterlist

[onelittlespiral]

FML:Relax

From the moment I arrived, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I had come on vacation to kick back for a few days and get some action, but the resort had nearly no women and was instead populated with almost all men. They seemed like nice guys when I talked to them, certainly my kind of guys with how jacked they were. Or at least I thought so.

“Hey cutie, wanna come spend some time with daddy?”

“A newbie! Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle and sweet with you.”

“You looking to top or bottom?”

I realized I must have come on the Gay Days, and the men there were not shy about coming on to me. I tried to politely excuse myself whenever they turned the topic to sex. I spent a lot of time at the pool trying to just relax and have a good time, but it was starting to tick me off.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you here before.”

A man came and sat next to me. He was a scruffy guy, tanned and huge like most of the rest of them. The scent of sunscreen and BO rolled off him. His arms were wrapped in some nerdy tattoos but their size clearly showed he worked out hard. If he wasn’t here this week I would assume him to be a good pick for a gym bud.

“Yeah, first time. Didn’t realize I booked…uh…this week. Not really my scene.”

Something in his demeanor changed. It was hard to describe, but I felt a lot more at ease. He leaned over and began whisper to me,

“If I’m being honest. It isn’t much for me either. But fuck these gay guys know how to party. They’ve got just about anything you could want to take, and basically just pass the shit around. You ever actually tried poppers? I was fucked up bro.”

Maybe it was finally meeting another straight guy but I began relaxing.

He continued, “I got some stashed if you want to swing by and try some shit out.”

Maybe this vacation wouldn’t be such a wash.

I stopped by his room later that afternoon. He greeted me at the door and invited me in as he promised to show off the goods. The room was trashed. The floor was strewn with dirty shirts, shorts, and jockstraps. Shot glasses and beers were stuck to the tables. The bed was drenched in sweat. I stepped in and took a seat on the couch, cautions to avoid the mess. He sat down next to me.

“So, what have you got?”

“You now babe,” he said, throwing his arm in the air.

“Whaaaa…haaa” I started before my brain was afloat.

I slowly leaned forward, drawn in by the thick musk that radiated from his pit. I tried to resist but soon my nose was pressed against it as his sweat filled my brain. I tried to pull back but he rested his arm against the back of my head, pinning me as my brain shut down on the fumes. It wasn’t long before my tongue lolled out of my mouth.

“There you go. Relax. Good boy.”

Good boy. It echoed in my brain, bouncing till it was the only thought left. I quivered in anticipation as I continued to drink in his scent and let his hair tickle my face.

“Yeah, lap it up big boy. This is right where you belong. It was designed just for you, to trap guys and help them fit in a bit more.”

What did he mean by that? But as he told me to lap it up, it was no longer good enough to just smell. I gave a hesitant lick. It only took one as his sweat swam across my mind. All functionality shut down as I worshipped that pit. As I did, I began to feel a change. Deep within an itch, a need developed. A need to be desired by this man… no. To be desired by men. Any who would have me. I felt a new power flow through me, a revitalized energy and strength. He pulled my dumbstruck face out of his pit and gave my hair a quick tousle. His hand glided down my cheek to my chin, and with a firm flick of his wrist pulled my lips to his. He pressed my face to his in a deep kiss as new memories filled my mind. Memories of long nights dancing and drinking at bars. Days working out getting shredded before hitting the sauna for some fun. Of pride parades and glitter in my beard. The longer he kissed me the more I felt myself grow completely comfortable in his arms. I belonged here, with all the hottest guys living it up for a week at the resort. I had been coming here for years to show off, party hard, and fuck into the early morning. My old self was being flushed away, leaking out of my cock, while the new personality filled in the gaps.

My body began to change where his hands brushed over my body. Arms swelled as biceps grew to mounds on my arms. Pecs hung heavy with muscle. Thighs and legs sent slow rips through my shorts until they had burst through, leaving my swelling cock to fight the jockstrap underneath. Feet inched across the floor as my toes curled from the strain. Every inch writhed beneath his touch. He pulled me back to inspect me.

“Damn you’re turning out well, some of my finest work.”

I mumbled in agreement, still stuck in a state of ecstasy as I felt new power surging through me. “Time to seal the deal.”

He slid his jock down, and the full force of his sweat and musk sent my brain swimming. I couldn’t resist as he slid his cock down my open throat, balls deep, and began face fucking me. As his bush filled my nostrils, pre slid down my throat in a steady stream. I felt warm all over, as a deep tan set in. I had come to this resort for years and loved sunbathing and showing off my muscles. The heat persisted, turning to a sweat, the sweat turning to a deep funk. It was the same smell invading my mind and body as he continued to thrust, deeper as my body adjusted to years of sucking men off. It felt like no surprise as a dusting of hair covered my pecs, then pushed down my stomach before my shaved down bush exploded. My pits filled in to better capture my own smell, and keep me just a little high on my own supply.

“Fuck yeah little bro, you’re gonna be so good out there.”

He slipped a hat over my head, and my mind filled with a new purpose. To kick back at this resort and fucking party. To feel pride in who I was and become one of the community. But, most importantly, to grow the tribe and bring more guys into the fold. I felt his cock tense in my mouth as my mind slowed down to accept my place as a gay god, to worship my bros and be worshiped. As thick ropes shot down my throat, I felt strong. I smelt rank. And I was fucking home.

The next day, a new guy showed up to the resort. Skinny, shy, out of place. I came over to talk with him.

“First time here, bro?”

“Yeah, not quite sure I belong.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. Throwing my arm behind my head. My musk caught his attention as his eyes began glazing over, “Why don’t I show you around?”

“Ye…yeah…yeah.”

“Don’t worry,” his face was soon resting in my pit, and I saw his muscles twitch with anticipation, “you’re gonna fit right in bro.”

[actual-changeling]

Welcome back to Alex's unhinged meta corner, and today I have something surprisingly not kiss-related—though it is still about the final fifteen because hey, gotta keep the brand image.

I read this post by @goodoldfashionednightingale and began typing a small response. Then I made the mistake of drinking half a litre of coffee on an empty stomach right after taking my adhd meds and my brain began vibrating at the speed of light.

But oh, have I discovered parallels. This, my friends, is about the nightingale, where it comes from, what it means, and what the fuck happened in part 3 of 1941.

Ready? Let's go.

Now, as OP said in her post, s1e3 is important. In the script book, Neil himself says that these flashbacks are where the producers would tell him to cut scenes to save money. They suggested every single one—except for the one he ended up taking out, which was the bookshop opening scene set in 1800. The others are building blocks, you need them to see how their relationship progressed and what kind of important milestones they had.

(side note: author is very miffed that english does not have a separate subjunctive form like german which makes quoting lines way more confusing than it has to be)

The one I want to mention is neither 1941 nor 1967. No, what I want to talk about is 1601. This might be about to get a bit rambly but I will do my best to keep it tidy.

The focus of that flashback is on the Arrangement, yes, but it gives us a lot more information than that.

they both see Shakespeare's plays regularly, maybe even meet in the crowd

Crowley prefers the comedies

Aziraphale does not seem to have a preference, he enjoys the tragedies and presumably the comedies too

there is an oyster woman selling food -> reference to their meeting in Rome when Aziraphale tempted him to try some oysters

Aziraphale reflexively denies their relationship

Crowley might say he is not worried but circles Aziraphale the entire time, keeping watch

they both ask favours of each other and both agree to do them

What stands out to me in relation to what I am about to expand on is the line that Crowley delivers after Aziraphale's little 'buck up'—which Crowley finds adorable btw but that's a post for another time.

"Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety."

Why would he say that? What exactly is prompting this? WHY say that specific line?

At first I thought it might be to tempt Shakespeare because he does commit art theft by just copying that line down, BUT I think there is more to that. So much more, in fact. I am wiggling now because I am very excited about this and my adhd meds are kicking in anyway.

First things first: the line itself.

It appears in Shakespeare's play Antony and Cleopatra, a romantic tragedy, which was first performed in 1607 aka six years after this meeting. Enobarbus is talking about Cleopatra and describing why Antony won't leave her. Her.

Ccrowley uses his—again, who is he even talking about? Hamlet? Shakespeare? Random poetic quote?

No, I think this line is about Aziraphale and it's a code. Right after, the next line from Aziraphale is "What do you want?", meaning that this is their code phrase for 'I have a favour to ask of you'.

Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety

Age will not affect his appearance nor will he ever become boring to Antony. Crowley, who later chooses the name Anthony for himself, tells Aziraphale, an immortal, that he will never age and that he will never grow bored of him.

It's flattery, pure and simple, and it's code at the same time. This establishes the important fact that they might use more of Shakespeare's work as code/already have a system in place (even though he steals Crowley's line for later).

They play their little morality game of back and forth, Aziraphale agrees, Crowley probably manipulates the coin toss, and THEN we find out that the oyster woman is called Juliet.

Why? What is the meaning of that? Why give her a name and that name in particular? Why bring the sexy oysters back into it?

Romeo and Juliet premiered in 1597, so it is safe to assume they have both seen it by 1601, but this is mostly for the audience, not for us-or is it?

Aziraphale gives Crowley puppy eyes until he agrees to make Hamlet popular, and while I don't think Juliet itself is a code word, although it's very interesting that the OYSTER woman is the one with that name (especially adding what we now know about Job), Romeo and Juliet might be.

Yes, the Nightingale song came out in 1940 but the bird has been around for much, much longer, and, as many probably know by now, also shows up in Romeo and Juliet.

This is where I am starting to vibrate at the speed of light because listen to me. Listen.

Crowley is Juliet. Anthony J. Crowley. Antony Juliet Crowley.

(side note: I'm not saying that Crowley chose it based on that—though I am not not saying that—but that it is a clue for us at the audience.)

Why do I think that? In the play, Romeo spends the night with Juliet and then goes to leave as the night begins to end. Juliet tries to stop him and tells him that the birds they are hearing aren't larks, which sing at dawn, but nightingales, which sing at night.

Who is the one always pushing for more? Crowley. He is the one trying to convince Aziraphale it's safe, they're safe to spend time together.

Romeo disagrees with Juliet and says 'I must be gone and live, or stay and die'.

Leave and stay alive, or stay and hell/heaven will punish us. It gets even better though.

We all know how Romeo and Juliet ends: Romeo thinks Juliet is dead, kills himself, Juliet finds him and then kills herself too.

Hey, do you know how Antony and Cleopatra ends?

Antony thinks Cleopatra is dead, kills himself and dies in her arms, then Cleopatra also kills herself—by snake poison; Romeo also died by poison.

The parallels are THERE. They are jumping down our throats! Two tragedies, two sides, several familiar names and phrases, same fear, same ending.

I think by now you can guess how this ties back to 1941.

We do not see how that night ends, but we know it ends. One of them wants to stretch it out, maybe even quotes Romeo and Juliet because look at the setting!

Candlelight, wonderful night they spend together, the threat of Crowley's early demise, and, to quote the play once more, this time Romeo: I have more care to stay than will to go.

Crowley thought it was his last night on earth and went with Aziraphale to his bookshop, to be with him, because he cares more about that than the fact that he will be dragged to hell come morning. Do you remember?

"Expect a legion to come for you first thing tomorrow" THAT is the threat. They have until dawn, just like Romeo and Juliet, which is why she is so desperate for the birds to be nightingales. Fortunately for them, Aziraphale saves the day, BUT there is NO SECURITY. They do not KNOW if a legion will still show up or not. If dawn is a deadline and they will need to fight.

Sure, they improved their chances, but who knows? Maybe they will come for him anyway, it's not like hell is all fair and square.

The best part: it gets even better.

Juliet eventually panics and tells him to go, and Romeo drops a line that huh, sounds oddly familiar, doesn't it?

'More light and light, more dark and dark our woes!'

Remind me, what does Aziraphale say again? Ah, yes. Perhaps there is something to be said for shades of grey.

There is more. Yes, even more. We know the whole rescue relies on a magic trick, a switch. Guess what Juliet yearns for while telling Romeo to go save himself?

Oh, now I would they had changed voices too. While they did not for Romeo and Juliet—they kiss and part—they did for our two. One fabulous switch and we're good.

(side note: Toads? Associated with hell. Larks? Associated with the dawn, yes, but also heaven since Romeo says 'Nor that is not the lark, whose notes do beat the vaulty heaven so high above our heads.')

So, this was a whole lot of information, let's see if I can summarize my thoughts.

I believe the nightingale is a code word that has existed even before 1941 and gained a lot of importance over the years. In 1941, the song is added to the meaning and whatever happened between the two that we have not seen yet, it fundamentally changed their relationship. Maybe they kissed, maybe one of them tried to convince the other to prolong the night but they parted on not-great terms.

The nightingale and the song become a symbol of hope, a goal to achieve, another uninterrupted night, maybe, or an uninterrupted life.

When they part in the final fifteen, it's morning. Crowley points at the sky and says "no nightingales", which at that point has several different layers to it.

No nightingales because their night is over, just like with Romeo and Juliet, and please, please allow me to add another detail, because I am frothing at the mouth over this. The scene I quoted, known as balcony scene, do you know what it is preceded by?

A ball.

Star-crossed lovers defying their sides, falling in love at a ball, getting a hurried, wonderful night together but torn apart by danger of punishment, the nightingale as a dream, as a wish for unhurried time together. Family rejection, torn apart by parents, willing to die for each other so they can reunite in death.

No nightingales. The ball, the romance, is over, their dancing is over, heaven is tearing them apart, and Aziraphale returns to heaven while they are both stuck in a pit of misunderstanding and miscommunication, all bound together by fear for each other.

The thing is, Crowley hates tragedies, he never liked the "gloomy ones", and he does not want them to end in one—luckily, this isn't the end. Yes, they kiss and part, but the play keeps going. We have an entire act 3 to fix what Romeo and Juliet couldn't, to ensure that this is a COMEDY, not a tragedy.

Both Antony & Cleopatra and Romeo & Juliet died out of fear, hurried into making bad decisions because they knew what would happen if their sides were to catch up with them.

Crowley and Aziraphale can reunite heaven and hell with love, not death. This is THEIR story and they are writing the ending. No more day and night, no more deadlines, no more hiding and sneaking about, no more fear of larks and sunshine.

Good Omens will end the way it began: In a garden with two no-longer-star-crossed lovers embracing the song of a lark as well as that of the nightingale.

I hope this made sense to everyone who was no present while my mind started to vibrate itself into a puddle because the thing is I can see Neil doing all of this completely on purpose.

Thoughts? Questions? Additions? Come and join me in my insanity and until next time I have a mental breakdown over this show (probably in like two hours).

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Every Fucking Time

Summary: You want to help Dean, but he knows you can't.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Lots of angst! Smut! Unprotected PinV sex. Slightly rough sex. Dean being an asshole. Dean being a broken boy. Hurt/comfort.

Pairings: Dean x Reader (You)

Word Count: 2,737

A/N: So, I just rewatched 13x18, Bring 'Em Back Alive, and the scene at the end never fails to break my heart. I just wanna make Dean feel better! 😫 But it got me thinking about how unlikely Dean would be to accept that help, and how his anger might manifest. Anyway, this is what spilled out of my brain as a result.

A/N 2: The title is a reference to Dean's line, "Every time we get close, it all falls apart. Every frickin' time." I have changed it to the non-network TV version because we all KNOW that's actually what Dean said.

You just wanted to help. You needed to help. You needed to make it better for him. 

Dean had slipped back home through the rift barely an hour earlier, talking about the apocalypse world Charlie and how he'd left her and Ketch behind, promising he would come back with reinforcements.

Then you, Cas and Sam had given him the bad news; no one could go back, you couldn’t send reinforcements. Gabriel was gone, taking all his archangel grace with him.

“So if it’s gone, then that means that we can’t open that door again. If we can’t open the door, then I shoulda never come back!” He'd shouted.

He'd tried to tamp down the rage and anger that simmered just behind his forced calm. Nevertheless, it exploded out of him making you all jump.

“Son of a bitch!” He'd screamed, sending books and papers crashing to the ground as he swept them from the table. “Every time!”

You could feel his frustration and pain like it was your own as his voice dropped, defeated and broken for the millionth time. “Every time we get close, it always falls apart…every fuckin’ time.”

When he walked away, looking as though the weight of the world was once again on his shoulders, you’d tried to follow after him, but Sam had grabbed your arm gently, holding you back.

“Leave him for now, Y/N. He needs time.”

You should have listened to Sam, but you could feel Dean’s pain like a lance in your side and you were desperate to heal him. So less than an hour later, you went looking for him. But he wasn’t in his room, or the Dean cave. The kitchen was empty and so was the garage. 

You finally found him in the infirmary. He was sitting on one of the beds, sewing together a nasty looking bullet wound.

“Dean!” You called out worriedly as you rushed down the steps. He glanced up at you but then went back to stitching himself up. “Why didn’t you tell us you’d been shot?” You reprimanded him.

He shrugged his unwounded shoulder. “No big deal. Ketch patched me up on the go, just didn’t have time to sew it up properly.”

You watched him silently for a moment, wincing every time the needle pierced his inflamed skin. He’d taken his shirt off so he could tend to his wound, and you couldn’t help but take an inventory of his other numerous scars. Jagged knife cuts, more round bullet holes, and a few waxy looking old burns, all marred his otherwise perfect, lightly freckled torso.

Some of the scars were very faded, barely noticeable, while others were newer; some of them were still red and angry looking. They were a patchwork of pain - a tapestry of more than thirty-five years of hunting, fighting, falling, getting up, and fighting again. 

It made you exhausted just to see it; it made your bones ache.

You stepped a little closer to him, but he kept you at arm’s length with an aura of silent, repressed anger that you could practically see pulsing off of him.

You wanted to help him so badly.

“Dean, I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, not looking up from his work. “No, let’s not. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

You let out a small sigh. Of course you don’t. You thought with a flash of frustration.

You were quiet another minute as he finished the last few stitches. Then you smiled a little, trying a different tactic. “So, there was a Charlie over there? That’s amazing. What was she like? Was she the same as our Charlie?”

Dean didn’t answer right away. He snipped the thread he was using and tossed the small silver scissors back into the first aid kit he had open on the bed beside him. He took some rubbing alcohol and poured it onto a gauze pad, holding it to his wound and sucking in a breath through gritted teeth before answering.

“Yeah sure, she was like our Charlie.” His voice was a growl of pain. “She was a badass, determined to fight injustice, sticking up for her friends, risking her life for them. And yeah, just like our Charlie, I left her on her own to be butchered.”

Tears pricked your eyes. “Dean that’s not true…you didn’t-”

“Seriously, Y/N. Just fucking don’t.”

You were silenced again, watching him clean up and toss the bloody bandages into the trash as he stood up from the bed. He reached for his flannel and tried to put it on, slightly hampered by his newly bandaged shoulder. You stepped forward to help him with it, and when it was on, but still unbuttoned, you slid your hands inside, down over his ribs.

You kissed his chest gently, and felt him twitch slightly. 

“Y/N.” He said quietly and you could hear the warning in his tone. 

You knew he was in a bad place, and the two of you had only recently begun to move your relationship out of friendship and into something more, so sex was still new between you. But you felt the overwhelming, screaming need to help him, to hold him close and let him feel your love shine through. You’d been in love with him for a long time, but you’d never told him. You suspected he didn’t love you back, though you hoped he might someday.

For now, though, you’d settle for being a soft place to land, if he’d just let you.

“Dean.” You said softly, kissing his chest again. “Let me help you.”

He pushed you back and turned away. “I don’t need help.”

You persisted, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. “We all need help from time to time, Dean.”

“Y/N!” He said again, louder this time, his earlier anger resurfacing. “I told you, I’m fine. Just drop it.”

But you couldn’t. You wanted to help him, whether he accepted it or not.

You moved around him, so you stood in front of him again. “Dean, you’re not fine. I just wanna help you.”

Dean scoffed. “Well you can’t fucking help me, Y/N. You can’t make it better.”

“I could try.” You cupped his cheek, but he pulled it out of your grasp, turning his head. You stood on tiptoe to try and kiss him. “Let me try, Dean. Let me try to help you.”

Dean grabbed your wrists from around his neck, glaring down at you, eyes blazing. “You fucking can’t, do you not hear me? You can’t help me, no one can help me! Because all I do is fuck up; all I do is leave my friends and family to die. And fucking you isn’t gonna change that; unless you have some kind of magical cunt that can open portals to another dimension, you can’t fucking help me!”

You felt your stomach drop, and an immediate ache started, high in your gut, clenching your insides and making you feel short of breath. You stepped back from Dean and swallowed convulsively, trying not to let go of the tears that clogged your throat. But it was a losing battle and they were soon coursing down your cheeks.

You nodded slightly. “K, yeah.” You didn’t know what else to say, turning away just as remorse began dawning in Dean’s emerald eyes. “Sam was right…I shouldn’t have come.”

You took off, bounding up the stairs as Dean called out to you. You ignored him, desperate to get away before you collapsed completely. 

You heard Dean following you, chasing you down the bunker hallway and you sprinted away. You got to your room just in time to slam the door and lock it just as Dean skidded to a halt outside.

He banged on the door, but you just moved over to your desk, dropping into the chair and swiping at your tears over and over, unable to make them stop.

“Y/N, come on! Open the door. Look, I didn’t mean that, okay? I just...just let me in.” He banged again. When you wouldn’t open it, he just kept banging. Finally he yelled at you through the wood.  “You know, I can just break down the fucking door! Let me in!”

He slammed his hammer like fist against the door again, rattling it in its frame. You jumped up and ripped open the door just as he was about to start pounding again. So his fist was raised and his features were twisted in a snarl as you looked up at him. But you were calm, even though tears still leaked from your eyes.

“Enough.” You said quietly. “Look, I shouldn’t have kept bugging you, you made it very clear you didn’t want me there and that I couldn’t be of any help. So, it’s fine. I’ll leave you alone now, and you can please stop raging at me and trying to smash down my door.”

You swallowed tightly and then nodded at him. “Goodnight.”

You closed your door softly and walked back to slump onto the end of your bed. You dashed your tears away as quickly as they fell, trying to dash away Dean’s angry words too, but failing miserably. 

After nearly half an hour your tears finally dried up and you decided to get ready for bed, sadness and hurt making you slow and sluggish. As you pulled your big sleep shirt on over your head, however, a noise caught your attention just outside your door. 

You walked softly to the door in your bare feet, cracking it open an inch to look out into the hallway. What you saw made brand new tears cloud your vision.

Dean was sitting across from your door, his back against the wall. His knees were bent slightly with his elbows resting there and his feet planted on the floor. His eyes were shut, his head leaning back against the wall with tears streaming silently down his cheeks. Or almost silently. As you watched, his face spasmed with pain and his breath seemed to catch in his throat, making the muffled sound you’d heard; it sounded like his pain was choking him.

You opened the door wider and Dean sensed you, his eyes springing open. At first it seemed like he might bolt, but then he shook his head as he stared at you. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” His voice was a harsh whisper. “I swear to god, I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”

He thumped his head back against the wall twice. “I just break things. Everything.” He punctuated the word by slamming his elbow back into the wall as well, hard enough that you were worried he’d break the bone.

You hurried forward to kneel on the floor in front of him, squeezing in between his knees. You pulled his hands into yours as you tried to reassure him. “Dean, that isn’t true. You don’t break everything; you fix things, save things. It’s in your DNA to try to right all the wrongs in the world, but sometimes you just can’t.”

He stared at you intently and once again you found yourself desperate to try to ease the bottomless ache you could see in his mossy green eyes.

His voice was barely a whisper as he reached out to run his thumb across your cheekbone. “Did I break us?”

You took a deep breath. “Your words hurt me.” He closed his eyes and nodded. “But…”

You were quiet a moment before deciding it was worth taking a chance, so you just said it. “But I love you, and my love doesn’t break that easily, even if my heart does.”

You took his hand from your cheek and held it against your chest, over your heart. “Not ever. No matter what the future holds, my love is unbreakable, even when you try to smash it to pieces with both hands.”

Dean’s expression was closed off, and you couldn’t see through it to his thoughts. After a moment he shook his head. “Don’t love me, sweetheart. I can’t…I can’t protect you if you love me. Something will come and take you from me - use you to hurt me somehow.” He closed his eyes again and repeated his words from earlier in the evening. 

“Every time I get close, it always falls apart.” He opened his eyes slowly and stared intently into your soul. “Every fucking time.”

He gazed at you for a long time, and you let him, hoping he could see that you weren't afraid to love him, and you weren't going to be scared away.

Suddenly he reached out to yank you into his lap and slam his mouth down on yours. You gasped into the kiss and then whimpered as he clutched you tight to him.

He pulled away from you, breathing harshly. “Am I forgiven? Because I was such a liar. I do need you.” He dipped his head to nip at your pulse point and flick his tongue against your salty skin. “I need you so fucking bad.”

You nodded, flushed and aching for his touch. “You’re forgiven.”

He crushed your lips with his once again, standing up without letting you out of his arms. He pushed you backwards through your bedroom door and closed it with a soft click, as he yanked your t-shirt off over your head, getting you naked in one quick motion.

You pushed his open flannel down his arms, being careful not to aggravate his newest injury. You fumbled with the button on his jeans for a moment, hands trembling, as he palmed your breast and squeezed, pressing his hard, blunt fingertips into your yielding flesh.

You threw your head back as he pulled your nipple into his mouth and bit it gently. You sank your hands into his short hair, tugging sharply and moaning loudly. He pulled away, just far enough that he could spin you around to face the wall. With a hand against your upper back, he bent you over slightly and lifted your arms, so that you braced them against the brick.

Then he raised your right leg, wrapping his forearm over top of it and spreading you open. You felt the knuckles of his other hand brush over your dripping wet core as he unbuttoned his jeans. Seconds later, you felt his tip pressing against your entrance and then you let out a scream of pleasure as he slammed into you hard and fast.

As he fucked up into you, he pulled you open even wider, reaching down with his free hand to rub circles into your clit with his calloused fingertips.

Eventually he dropped your leg, and pushed your feet apart while he pulled your hips back towards him. He never faltered or slowed his pace, just manhandling you into the positions he wanted.

You were bent at a ninety degree angle now, hands still braced against the wall, with your head hanging between them as Dean continued to pound into you so deep that he was almost lifting you off the floor with each thrust. 

He clamped his hand on the back of your neck, using it as leverage to piston his hips forward like a jackhammer. He tilted your pelvis forward slightly and suddenly he was perfectly, relentlessly hitting your g-spot over and over until you were screaming out his name and crashing into a hard wall of pleasure. You shook with your climax, but Dean didn’t stop, riding you through your first orgasm and into several more.

Your throat was hoarse from shouts of pleasure before Dean finally cursed loudly, shouting your name and surging into your body. With one last driving push,  you could feel him spurting into you hot and thick. He rocked his body against yours a few more times as his cock continued to twitch inside you.

Finally he stilled, both of you breathing harshly now, bodies slick with sweat. He laid his chest against your back, his arm still wrapped around your waist, keeping you close, keeping himself locked inside your slick warmth.

“Y/N.” You could hear the thick emotions even in his soft whisper. “You know, you save me. Every time I think I can’t recover, every time I think I won’t get back up. You make me think I can. You tell me I will.” 

He paused and his voice was velvety and warm as he breathed out across your skin. “You save me.” He kissed your shoulder gently. “Every fucking time.”

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters:

@lyarr24

@lacilou

@deans-spinster-witch

@globetrotter28

@suckitands33

@alwaystiredandconfused

@evznackles

@jackles010378

@impala67rollingthroughtown

@krazykelly

@candy-coated-misery0731

@envyaurora95

@spnwoman

@deans-baby-momma

@luvr4miya

@arcannaa

@viviwatchestv

@winharry

@ladysparkles78

@kr804573

Dean Fics Only:

@roonthelittlespoon920

@slamminmine

@zepskies

@safiyas-world

@aylacavebear

@waywardcheshire

Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom:

@kazsrm67

@slut-for-evans-stan

@sexyvixen7

@nancymcl

@hobby27

Everything Incl. Fan Edits:

@k-slla

@leigh70

@eevvvaa

@kickingitwithkirk

@foxyjwls007

@notinthislife50

@roseblue373

@mishkatelwarriorgoddess

@avanatural

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

@deangirl96

@stoneyggirl2

[strniohoeee]

reader is down bad for matt, like she blushes, giggles, goes mute whenever he's around and he kinda enjoys it and one day he finally asks her to go an a date and it ends super fluffy

She’s Got It Bad

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N was out of her mind in love with Matt, but she was shy. Which left her in awkward silent situations until one day Matt puts his foot down! 🌷

Warnings⚠️: None?? Writing kind of sucks also sorry if there’s grammatical errors I never proof read till two days later after I post lolll😭

Song for imagine: This Is How It Feels- D4vd, Laufey

So this is how it feels

To fall in love with you

To always think of you

To always dreams of you

You know when you’re reading or watching a romance book or movie, and one of those super cheesy slow mo scenes happen? Where an 80s love song is queued and the two love interests stare at each other while their hair oh so dainty blows in the wind? And you’re curling your toes as your heart beats for the next scene to happen? Just thinking “I need more! Give me more!” And then it goes back to reality and they end up walking right past one another….

And it wraps you into this hour and a half or 230 page book/movie about the girl wanting the guy….but the guy not really wanting her or simply seeing her as a sister or painfully shoving her in the friend zone? And you’re itching for more. Tired of this back and forth of who will get one another first?

And if you said yes to any of those questions then you are sure looking at my life right now…stuck painfully stuck in the friend zone. Mainly because I put myself there. Let's face it, I'm deeply afraid of rejection. Why ruin something that is virtually perfect.

I had it bad for Matt and I’m not so sure he felt the same way, but I’d never in a million years ever jump at that. I’d rather rip my ears off and tape them to the concrete and then run them over consistently for an hour… okay a bit graphic and a bit over the top but you get the point. He’s off limits and I’ve got it bad for him…

Most of our interactions consisted of short conversations, me blushing like an idiot and even sometimes going silent..offering a nod here and there. It’s even gotten to the point of having to leave the hangout because I was so nervous around him. I mean what if I said something that he found cringey? What if I embarrassed myself which I tend to do a lot might I add? Or even worse…what if he didn’t find me funny?

All these terrible instances bounced off my brain like a bullet ricocheting off of metal walls. As I sat chewing my lip, suddenly my thoughts were interrupted

“Helloooooo” I heard loudly from the other end of the phone call

Blinking out of my trance I soon realized I had been on the phone.

“I’m sorry Nick I got side tracked” I replied gripping the phone again

“Yeah I can tell you went rogue for like 3 minutes there, did you even hear what I asked you?” He asked laughing

“Uhhh yeah and I think you should go with the yellow shirt” I replied praying I wasn’t so far off from what he was talking about

“That was like 10 minutes ago, I asked are you coming or what?” He said huffing

“I’m sorry? Coming? Where?” I asked again as I furrowed my eyebrows

“This is why I don’t call you, you have the attention span of a fly” he said laughing which caused me to laugh

“I’m sorryyyy I was thinking about something” I replied to him

“Aren’t you always… I was asking if you were coming over tonight for movie night?” He said shuffling around

“Ohhh duhh of course I never miss Saturday nights with you” I said getting up to pack my overnight back

“Even though Matt and Chris are joining us this time?” He asked

This is where I hadn’t been listening previously and I almost choked on my saliva trying to form a proper answer.

“Uh.. *ahem* yes of course they can join us” I replied trying to seem chill

“Wow sooo nonchalant about that” he stated sarcastically

“Oh will you shut up” I replied stuffing my duffle bag

Nick opened his mouth to speak but on the other end it sounded like someone walked in his room

“Matt get the fuck out I’m on the phone” Nick said which made me laugh a bit

“Who are you talking to?” I heard Matt ask his brother

“Your girlfriend now fuck off” he said almost hissing at Matt

“NICK STOP” I squeaked over the phone

“I don’t have a girlfriend you sicko” Matt stated sounding annoyed…. I looked up at my imaginary camera (hmm how do I take that response) I thought.

Shaking that feeling off I returned to the call

“Okayyy bye nickkkk see you in a bit” I replied rushing him off the phone

Hanging up the call I sighed deeply… if I wasn’t already nervous to possibly run into Matt then oh boy was I in for a treat

Usually, Saturday nights were for Nick and I and I rarely ever ran into Matt or Chris. Usually it was Chris and him and I had a cool bond. We’d stop to hug and chat for a bit before Chris left to go out. And if I ever ran into Matt it was him leaving with Chris which prompted me to wave slightly and avoid all hugs. Rambling on about Nick needing me for something upstairs each time and not even giving them the chance to respond.

I usually shut my eyes and shook my head when I turned away from them and even muttered a few unkind words about myself to myself….

But tonight…tonight Matt was joining us which meant I couldn’t be awkward around him or else Nick would for sure point it out.

I had gotten to their house with dinner for all of us which we landed on chilis…. Good thing I was 21 I needed a to go drink…preferably strong!

Sitting in their living room as we all began to eat, Nick scrolled through Max as we sat on the floor with our food on the coffee table.

“We should watch Silver Linings Playbook I heard it was good” I said looking over at the tv as Nick had just passed the movie

“I’m down” Chris said shrugging his shoulders

Nick and I usually watched action movies where we’d see a bunch of sweaty hot men fighting bad guys. And most of those movies we’d just yell out if we’d smash the guys or not. I don’t know that Matt and Chris would want to take part in that so a rom-com was for the win!

Max was playing a few ads before the movie and as I was sipping my margarita in a styrofoam to go cup (how niche) Matt had called my name

Looking over at him I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Do you like rom-coms?” He asked me

I felt my ears getting hot and my face too….good thing I’m drinking and I can just blame it on the alcohol.

“I do, I love them actually” I replied nodding at him

“I love them too” he said smiling at me as he ate a fry

“Nice” I said nodding my head and looking over at the tv…why the fuck were their ads still playing? Squinting I turned back around to face him

“Uhh what’s your favorite?” I asked him clearing my throat

“I’d have to say 10 things I hate about you” he replied wiping his hands

“SHUT UP! Me too” I replied getting really excited and loud (blaming it on the alcohol once again)

“No way” he replied laughing

“No! like I swear! I have all the romance movies I’ve ever seen ranked in my notes app and 10 things I hate about you is number one, look see” I replied rambling as I opened up my app and showed him

His brows raised…an impressed look might I add

“Wow Y/N didn’t know you were such a hopeless romantic” he said winning at me

This made my heart flutter and my voice disappear? Sinking into my skin I nodded at him before turning to watch the tv

Throughout the whole movie I kept catching Matt looking at me but he’d look away quickly. This made my skin crawl in a good way though

The movie finished and I found myself emotional. I mean it wasn’t a sad movie but rather beautiful. Nick and Chris had gone to lay on the couch at some point in the movie.

So to no surprise Matt and I turned to find them fast asleep. Shaking our heads we cleaned up the living room and headed to the kitchen to place everything in the trash.

The hallway light illuminating the kitchen as I washed my hands

“I almost feel like Silver Linings Playbook is my number one rom-com” Matt and I both stated at the same time

Laughing I shut the water off and turned towards him

“I guess we really are similar” I said to him as I crossed my arms over my chest

“I suppose so, but I wouldn’t know you’re always running away from me” he said quietly

“Am not!” I replied standing up straight

“You’re always running away from me as fast as possible, you don’t hate me do you” he stated as he wiped down the table

“No” I replied watching his every move

“Then why do you run away? Do I stink?” He asked laughing

“No! You just happen to catch me when I’m busy” I say lying through my teeth

“Right…I suppose so, I do know how to get you at the right time though” he stated throwing the paper out

“Do you?” I asked cocking an eyebrow

“Yeah…when I take you on a date and have all your attention so we can really get to know each other”he says

“Well we’re friends so I do know you” I reply rolling my eyes

“No…know me on a different level that’s not…friends” he says smiling at me sweetly

“Not friends?” Was all I could mutter

“Just say yes to the date you loser” he replied shaking his head

“Yes..sorry yes I will go on a date with you” I replied shaking my head and giggling

“You’ve ever seen Notting Hill?” He suddenly asks me

“I actually haven’t” I stated

“Want to watch it?” He asked me

“But Chris and Nick are sleeping” I replied pointing over my shoulder

“You miss queues don’t you?” He asked cocking an eyebrow

“They don’t call me a ditz for nothing” I replied jokingly

He looked at me with adoration in his eyes for a moment before opening his mouth

“I mean with me…just me” he replied with soft eyes

“Oh....yeah” I replied breathlessly as I shook my head…am I that fucking stupid? I thought to myself

We shut off the tv and the hallway light. Matt led me to his room as I followed behind. It felt so foreign being in a room with a new undertone to it….more than friends

“You can sit closer I won’t bite” he says as he looks over at me

“Right, sorry” I say sitting closer to Matt against the headboard

The air felt awkward as we watched the movie, but Matt slid his arm over my shoulder and pulled me in

“I’m not a stranger” he replied as he snuggled me closer against him

Smiling against him I melted into his touch as we fell asleep to a romance movie. I guess being shy does work out in the end and I’ve always had it bad for Matt but after today? You’re for sure thinking

She’s got it bad!

The End

I wasn’t sure how to end this…it’s so HARD TO END A STORY WTFFFF. Anywho we’re almost at 2,600 followers🥹🥹. Yall I could cry this means so much to me I remember when I had hit 100 followers and I never thought I’d make it this far. I’m so eternally grateful for you all😩🖤🖤. I know I don’t update three times a day everyday like I used to, but I’m so glad yall are sticking around till this day when I post once to twice a week every two weeks. I don’t deserve you, thank yall so much🥹💕💕💕. Stay tuned for more work baes

-J💅🏽

[willowrites]

REQUEST. can you do one for either sam or colby with a reader who’s a medium?

COLLABORATION

PAIRINGS. sam x medium fem!reader

SUMMARY. sam and colby have watched a few of your videos and have been following you on instagram for quite some time. sam in particular has grown an interest in you and wanted to shoot his shot but didn’t know how. given your ability to have one foot in the afterlife and another on earth they’ve invited you to tag along for an investigation …

WARNINGS. nothing! friends to lovers, cute fluffy stuff, a little bit of kissing…

AUTHORS NOTE. i loved doing this because i’ve always dreamt of having the capabilities that mediums do !! hope u enjoyyy

WORD COUNT. 2.7k

you hadn’t always known you had the ability to see and talk to people who have passed on.

you thought it was normal.

you had many imaginary friends who weren’t always imaginary. you had conversations with people who your parents couldn’t see.

there were many occurrences in which you’d see apparitions for one second and then in another, they’re gone.

it was at the age of 11 when you realized that what and who you’d see and talk to were people and things that others couldn’t see or talk to.

you started researching and asking the internet.

are ghosts real?

can i see and talk to ghosts?

what are people who can see and talk to ghosts called?

confirmation of you possibly being a medium struck your brain. you continued doing research since then and now at the age of 24, you’re categorized as a medium who can talk to people who have passed and communicate with them as well as see them.

you set up an instagram and made sure that information was somewhere on there.

@/visuallyy/n

bio: spirits are my best friends

after you create an instagram and put that information in there. you tried to do some investigations of your own.

your first at your own house. you caught some good activity but none people would believe. so after that, you started collaborating with other people whether it was other mediums, psychics, ghost hunters, paranormal investigators, etc.

you enjoyed working with other people and getting to know more about the afterlife and spiritual world so when you got a message from sam golbach you were more than ecstatic.

@/samgolbach

hey y/n, it’s sam from the sam and colby youtube channel. i just wanted to reach out to ask if you were ever up for a collaboration of some sort. we could go check out a haunted location and i think we’d have a lot of fun. i’ve seen some of your videos with other channels and you’re really special we’d love to have you on the channel

let me know!

holy shit.

the sam golbach. from sam and colby.

sam was someone you had admired for a long time. you first noticed him on vine and he was super funny. you’d watch both his and colby’s vines daily. when they started doing paranormal and exploration videos, you became a loyal watcher.

to @/samgolbach

hi sam! omg, i cannot believe i am reading this message right now! i would love to tag along with you guys on one of your investigations. i’ve watched all of your videos and you guys are truly something.

like i said it would be an honor just let me know where and when! 💗 much love

as you sent the message you were jumping up and down and kicking your feet back and forth.

a few days had passed and you were beginning to think they changed their minds. you started losing hope but didn’t let that bring your mood down.

as you were making yourself an afternoon snack you heard your phone ding.

Notification: Instagram

@/samgolbach

sorry for the late response we have been brainstorming a few ideas for our next videos…

you were so quick to click on the notification.

@/samgolbach:

sorry for the late response we have been brainstorming a few ideas for our next videos but that is great news. is it possible for us to video chat later on so we can discuss some ideas? we just want to make sure everything is okay with you.

video chat? you thought that was insane.

you’d be video chatting with sam and colby.

oh, my fucking go-

@/samgolbach:

it would also be great to see your face as we discuss plans 😆

as soon as you saw that second message you felt like collapsing.

he wanted to see your face? okay, maybe you were overreacting…

you were trying to think of what to respond with. when would you look your best? you thought.

your thinking sparked you to get ready just for the video call and you sent a message back.

to @/samgolbach:

i’ll be free by 4! definitely looking forward to it :)

he liked your message and then agreed that 4:30 would be a perfect time.

you didn’t do much to your hair or face. all you did was tame your hair like how you usually would and put on your usual makeup.

you were waiting for the time to hit 4:30. you were nervous but so very excited.

as the clock was 4:25 you got an email

from @/samgolbachonandup@gmail.com

www.zoomlink

no harm in seeing you early! he sent along with the link.

your heart felt like it was going to beat out of its chest.

you opened the link which directed you straight to the meeting.

you then turned your camera on and the mic off. sam and colby were already there on camera just talking to each other without the mic.

then once it made a sound that you had entered they paused and you earned an exciting smile from sam.

“y/n!” sam’s voice played through your computer speaker. “so glad to see you made it!”

“hi y/n! i’m colby!” colby sent a smile your way and waved to the camera.

“hi, nice to meet you guys!” you blushed extremely hard.

“how is your day going so far?” sam asked running a hand through his hair.

“it’s uh…well honestly it’s going great. i was a little bit nervous to meet with you guys if i’m being honest,” you replied moving your hair to the back of your neck so that it wasn't in your face.

"what? that's insane, colby and i were nervous you wouldn't be up for a collaboration!" he continued to make conversation.

"what no! im thrilled, i always watched you guys since vine and then i watched even more when you guys started doing urbanex and haunted places! you guys started doing that as i was starting to become more familiar with my capabilities." you explained. "and then when you reached out to me, my heart was beating out of my chest. it was kind of like a dream turned into reality.

"wow, that's actually super cool that you've been watching us since that long ago." colby mentioned. "we've had an eye on you since you collaborated with seth and josh!"

"yeah ever since then we've always wanted to reach out to you." sam then added giving you a soft smile. gosh, his smile was so cute.

"thats so good to hear!" you giggled.

you giggled.

"well, why don't we start chatting about where we could explore..." colby proposed. you and sam nodded, both having the rosiest cheeks.

you and sam have exchanged several messages since your zoom call. some professional and about the collaboration, and some about your personal lives.

from @/samgolbach

can i get your number? you know for professional ghosthunting biz...

to @/samgolbach

yeah sure! for professional ghosthunting biz... :)

(xxx) xxx-xxxx sent you a message

hi its sam

to (xxx) xxx-xxxx

hi sam its y/n

from sam

hmm, glad you didn't give me a fake number

to sam

why would i give you a fake number

from sam

because maybe ur too scared to collab with us? hmm, are you?

to sam

no no, i find this kind of stuff exciting. i love learning more about the afterlife and spirits and all that other stuff.

from sam

same! honestly, its super exciting. although if I get too excited I do dumb shit...

to sam

like what? get demons stuck in your ass?

from sam

ha. ha. ha. not funny...

to sam

sorry! although i think sallie found it funny.

from sam

yeah i think she definitely enjoyed it

you couldn't help the grin that made its way onto your face.

these harmless conversations kept going on ever since you had exchanged numbers. you guys talked every day even after your collaboration was done.

he made you so much happier than you were before. you became very close friends with colby as well. them two stepping into your life brought you many other close friends that you could call family.

yours and sams conversation would go from your personal life, to favorite shows, to where you've traveled, and now to past relationships.

sam told you about his and surprisingly went into depth with it which you honestly felt happy about because that meant he trusted you.

after he was done you felt it was only right for you to share that you had only one serious relationship before and it ended pretty rough, even though you had closure, the relationship taught you a lot and not in a good way.

he responded like a gentleman saying he was surprised that no one swept a beautiful girl like you off their feet.

that comment made you blush. you blushed so much you might as well have been kicking your feet back and forth.

your response was a simple thank you because you didn't know how to flirt or move forward and frankly, you were scared.

after that, you started to form a different kind of liking toward sam. you were always looking forward to his text messages and when he didn't text back you were constantly checking your phone to see if by any chance he had.

then one day he invited you over to watch a movie; specifically the exorcist. you were super excited but a little bit nervous. you were in charge of bringing drinks while the others had another responsibility.

as you were done getting dressed you got a text from sam. you looked at it and did a double-take.

from sam 💕

hurry and get your pretty self over here!

your heart took a leap. he was constantly taking every opportunity to compliment you which is something you’re not used to.

to sam 💕

i’m going im going! i’m so excited :)

from sam 💕

i’m excited to see you

again, your body had a reaction to the text.

you hurried and packed up all the drinks in your car before starting it and heading over towards his house; well his and colby’s house.

as you were parking you noticed more cars than you thought would be parked. you started to become nervous.

how big was this watch party? who will be there? will you be the outsider?

from sam 💕

i’ll open the gate for you so you can park in the driveway

you felt relief as you turned around to pass the house once more so that you could drive inside. you saw the gate starting to open and made your way inside parking in the driveway next to another car that was there.

you shut the car off climbing out to see sam on the porch.

“so glad you’re here!” he smiles. “it’s gonna be so fun. here let me help you.” he walked towards the door to the backseat opened it and took the cooler that you had brought and set it on the ground.

“thank you for the invite.” you smiled shyly.

you two made your way up to the front of the house and as you were about to open the door he was quick to leap in front of you taking the handle in his hand and opening it for you.

“what a gentleman!” you replied walking through.

“always for you,” he said causing your face to grow hot.

“yo y/n! glad you could make it!” colby shouted walking over to you and bringing you in for a hug.

“glad i could as well.” you nodded.

“come on over this way, sam can take the drinks in the kitchen.” he waved over for you to follow him.

you followed taking in your surroundings. this isn’t your first time at their house but you’re still starting to become familiar with the environment.

colby leads you into the den area where there are a few more people. you saw familiar faces mostly from youtube. like the sturniolo triplets, jake webber, tara yummy, johnnie guilbert, larry, and a girl you’ve seen on sam and colby’s videos once before.

“guys this is y/n! she was in one of our videos a while ago and we’ve become super close friends!” he introduced you earning a wave. “y/n, this is jake, tara, johnny, larry, chris, matt, nick, and amanda. amanda is also a fellow medium!”

your heart leaped. you’d been looking for more medium or psychic friends so you could get advice or any information.

“oh my gosh! you’re a medium! so nice to meet you i’m amanda the medium haha! it’s so good to meet you.” amanda brought you in for a hug.

“it’s a pleasure! i admire you, you’ve helped me come to terms with a lot of stuff and helped me explore more about my capabilities, so thank you so much!” you gushed.

“wow that’s so good to hear i’m flattered, thank you. we have so much to talk about.” you both sat down and started chatting.

when the movie started you were sitting next to amanda and sam. sam came to sit next to you as the movie was starting which had you extremely excited.

throughout the whole movie, you felt gentle brushes against your knee as sam would move closer which had you moving a little closer inch by inch.

when the movie came to an end the group went outside to have a quick little bonfire where you guys chatted once more.

then afterwards everyone left agreeing it was well past their bedtime fortunately leaving you and sam alone outside.

“y/n?” sam spoke up cutting the comfortable silence you two had while looking at the fire.

“yeah?” you answered.

“im really glad we’ve gotten close this past year.” he confessed.

you smiled, “i feel the same way…i definitely needed a friendship like this in my life. i don't have many close close friends like how you and i have become so close recently.”

his face held a sad smile. “im sorry about how your past relationship ended.”

“no reason to be sorry. id be sorry if i had still stayed but i know what i deserve and that's not it.” you smiled and tried to lift up the mood. “all this sad talk is gonna kill the mood!”

you jumped up and held out ur arm. “come on!”

he took your hand and smiled. you were about to let go when he held onto your hand and pulled you close to him connecting your lips in a passionate kiss.

the kiss took you by surprise so it took you a few seconds before you reciprocated the kiss.

he pushed forward getting impossibly closer to you holding on to your hips to steady you so you didn't fall from the force he out on you.

you had no choice but to hold onto the back of his neck to steady yourself as well.

a few more seconds of smooches before you both pulled away to get some air.

breathless, you had no idea what to say. you were speechless.

“ive been wanting to do that for the longest time.” sam said hands still on your hips.

“glad you finally did.” you said without thinking.

sam laughed and sighed in relief.

“sorry, i just meant..i just..i like …” you stuttered. your cheeks turning red. “fuck you know what never mind.” you hid your face in his shoulder.

“i like you y/n. i really like you.” he told you. his words bringing butterflies to your stomach.

you lifted your head up to meet his eyes. “that's what i was trying to say…” you said quietly.

“well i found your stuttering very cute.” he moved some of your hair from your shoulder.

“im glad you don't find it dumb and embarrassing.” you sheepishly say.

“i could never find you dumb or embarrassing.” he scrunches his nose up cutely. “maybe a little silly sometimes.”

“gee thanks.” you roll your eyes playfully.

“mmm and sassy. but it's okay i can handle your attitude.” he pulls you by your waist closer. “can i kiss you one more time?”

“now that you find me sassy no no.” you playfully decline.

“mhmm…okay.” he pulls you in for a kiss and you let him.

© willowrites

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for faking my death to get out of an abusive relationship?

Tw for verbal + mental/psychological abuse and suicide

I used to be in a discord server with some friends, there were about 40 people in it, only around 20 who were actually active. It was a while ago I can't remember. I was in that server for about 4 months.

From the start, people would occasionally get mad at me over something I didn't do. About every month or so someone would start a rumor about me and make the whole server gang up on me, I'd tell them it was false, but everyone would still avoid me for the next couple days.

I never did anything wrong, but I was always the center of the drama, and when I asked one person, R, why, he said he didn't know and that I didn't deserve so much hate.

About a week later R was talking in the vent channel about how I had manipulated him. I DMed him to ask why, and he told me it was because I asked him if he was my friend. I thought it was fucking stupid because it's not manipulative to be paranoid, but I pretended to be sorry because I didn't want him to be mad at me.

The server also had a bot where you could submit anonymous messages, and lots of people would use that feature to make up things about me to ruin my reputation.

After a while I left the server and only stayed in contact with a few people. However, every couple days another person would tell me I'm a monster and gaslight me into thinking I'm a terrible person, and every time I asked why they hated me they didn't give me an answer.

My only real friend, T, showed me some messages from the others after I left the server, and a bunch of people were making up stories about bad things I had done to them, and people who I had never even spoken to were saying that I had abused them and was dangerous.

Once someone told me thay they understood all the things R had said about me weren't true, but said it was still my fault anyway, and even told me that R had done nothing wrong (he lied about me in front of the entire server and is the reason I lost all my friends, and he yelled at me and called me evil because I was suicidal), and then they accused me of faking having amnesia because I had flashbacks.

Eventually, only four of my "friends" hadn't blocked me, and they almost never talked to me. Everyone kept calling me a terrible person because R spread lies about me and everyone else believed him instead of me.

It was to the point where I couldn't go one day without someone sending me death threats or trying to guilt trip me with false information, and I was getting very sever flashbacks of the stuff R had said to me, and I started failing classes because I couldn't focus on anything.

Eventually I had had enough, so I tagged them all in a tumblr post about how I was going to kill myself and then logged out of both that tumblr account and my old discord account forever.

(Also about a month after I had left, I got texts from irl friends, and it turns out someone on the server found the contact info of people I knew in real life just to ask if I was dead or not. And that scared the shit out of me.)

I've left out a lot of details of the abuse because of amnesia. I have a mental disorder which makes it hard to remember things, plus the brain often blocks out traumatic memories, so I'm sorry if some info feels missing.

The only reason I feel like I might be an asshole is because once I was gone, all of them switched targets and started to harass T. They said they hated him for being on my side, and sent him death threats on anon because he was mad at them for killing his friend. They started treating him the same way they treated me, and called him a horrible person but refused to give a reason as to why, and if I had stayed around they would've left him alone.

@should-be-dead (made a sideblog so I get notified when this is posted)

[ineffable-suffering]

Re: "You go too fast for me, Crowley", because I think I finally figured out the real meaning behind that line

Naturally, this line of all lines, the most line of them all, is constantly circling around my rotten brain like a moth around a flame.

In addition, though, there's always been another Good Omen's line/exchange that has kept bothering me again lately. And literally until just about five minutes ago, I had never thought of relating them back to each other.

Now, five minutes later, I have and I think I just ... figured it out.

In case you were wondering: The second line that wouldn't leave my head is what Aziraphale says to Crowley during their clandestine meeting at St. James' Park in 1862 when Crowley asks him for Holy Water:

A: "I'm not bringing you a suicide pill, Crowley!"

And here's what bugs me about this: Why did Aziraphale, without a breath of hesitation, immediately assume Crowley wanted the Holy Water to commit suicide if things ever went wrong?

That's ... such a dark assumption to make. Especially because that is absolutely not what Crowley wanted it for, as he literally says himself:

C: "That's not what I want it for, just insurance."

And what does Aziraphale reply?

A: "I'm not an idiot, Crowley!"

Because he firmly, firmly believes that Crowley is asking him to bring him the Holy Water as a foolproof method of taking his own life in case Heaven and Hell ever find out about them.

To this day, that conversation gives me chills whenever I think about it. We so rarely get see what genuine emotions and thoughts for and about Crowley Aziraphale keeps neatly tucked away behind that tightly buttoned waistcoat of his. This moment in 1862 is one of the very rare ones where his façade slips a little – and the peak we get isn't a fun one. It's a very dark, scared and vulnerable one.

What am I on about and how does this all relate to the infamous "You go too fast for me, Crowley"-line? Let's look at it under the cut.

(Word count: 2560 | Reading time: ~10 min. | TW: mentions of suicide)

Like I mentioned up above, it always struck me to my core that Aziraphale very clearly immediately assumes Crowley wants the Holy Water for possible suicide. Not only is that a very dark and upsetting thought, it also poses the question: Why? Why is that the first place Aziraphale's mind goes to?

Crowley says at the very beginning of their conversation:

C: "We have a lot in common, you and me."

He's definitely referring to their (very mutual) relationship Arrangement and the fact that they both find themselves kept apart and watched by their respective head offices, not allowing them to ever misstep and give themselves away.

After bickering around a little like they do, Crowley asks his favour – and he makes it very clear in a quiet and serious voice that:

C: "This is something else. [...] For if it all goes wrong."

He's not just talking about Heaven or Hell finding out about some silly frivolous miracles, no. He's talking about them finding out about their Arrangement, their relationship. The worst of all worst case scenarios.

So bad, in fact, that he doesn't even ask his favour out loud but instead decided to write it down.

Aziraphale's reaction is ... severe.

We immediately see his face drop as, he too, realizes that this is all of a sudden a very serious conversation indeed. And he immediately and vigorously denies Crowley's request because he thinks it to be one for a suicide pill.

To understand how he could arrive at that lightning-quick (and also wrong) conclusion, we have to try and understand how Aziraphale sees Crowley and the threat that the angel himself as well as their relationship poses to Crowley.

Crowley can, at times, be a very self-deprecating and cynical character. He's without a doubt carrying a lot of trauma and unspoken fears and emotions with him at all times. Aziraphale at this point in their relationship probably has a good notion of what those are – but he doesn't know the whole depth of it because they've never been able to speak freely enough and Crowley has seemingly decided to keep many-a things to himself, still. They both tread the waters of plausible deniability very well.

So, to jump to the conclusion of Crowley entertaining suicidal thoughts in the face of unavoidable danger is ... quite a violent jump. And remember: "[...] underneath it all, Crowley was an optimist. If there was one rock-hard certainty that had sustained him through the bad times then it was utter surety that the universe would look after him."

So, what is it that Aziraphale does know that would drive him to such a drastic conclusion when, in reality, secret optimist Crowley only ever wanted the Holy Water to protect himself against Hell to come out safe on the other end of things?

2500 BC, Land of Uz: A: "That [going along with Heaven/Hell as far as you can] sounds, um ..." C: "Lonely? Yeah." A: "But you said it wasn‘t." C: "I‘m a demon. I lied."

After Crowley helps Aziraphale out in Edinburgh in 1827, Crowley is immediately sucked back down to Hell We don't know what exactly happened after that or just how long Crowley was gone. We also don't know if Crowley ever told Aziraphale what happened, once he returned. What we and Aziraphale do know, is that Crowley ends up asking him for Holy Water, out of the blue, only a couple of decades later.

1601, The Globe: A: "But if Hell finds out [about the Arrangement], they won't just be angry. They'll destroy you." (additionally, later in time, C: "My lot does not send rude notes.")

Ergo: It's very clear that Aziraphale seems to have put two and two together with his own angel math by what he has a) witnessed himself and b) what Crowley has said himself which equals: In going against Hell, Crowley has felt incredibly lonely before he had Aziraphale by his side and if Heaven and Hell were to ever find out about them, Hell's punishment would be a whole lot worse than Heaven's.

He thinks Hell would destroy Crowley.

So when Crowley, who so rarely says how he really feels and one of the few times he did, told Aziraphale he was lonely, says he wants the Holy Water, the immediate conclusion Aziraphale comes to is: He wants it as an emergency exit. In case things go pear-shaped. He wants it to escape whatever dreadful punishment Hell would have in stock for such a lonely traitor. He wants it as a suicide pill.

For Aziraphale to not even entertain the thought or believe that Crowley does indeed only want the Holy Water as a means of self-defense is, again, absolutely heartbreaking. Because it tells us a thing or two just how scared and desperate Aziraphale thinks Crowley to be. Something along the lines of: "If I myself am already so immensely terrified of Hell's punishment for Crowley, how terrified must Crowley be."

I think a whole lot of this is also very, very strong projection and shows us how Aziraphale himself feels about all of it. How scared he is for himself and Crowley. Of what would be done to them.

A: „Out of the question! Do you know what trouble I'd be in if they knew I‘d been ... fraternizing?“

He knows they would both suffer immense consequences and that Crowley‘s still would be worse. If anything, in a dark and twisted way, it shows that Aziraphale himself has definitely entertained the idea of suicide as a concept, at least. Maybe not for himself or Crowley, yet, but remember, he‘s awfully fond of Shakespeare‘s Hamlet.

A: „To be or not to be? Buck up, Hamlet!“

Yeah, buck up indeed. (By the way, there's a great meta by @greenthena on why Aziraphale likes Hamlet so much that kind of plays into my point a little. You can read it here).

And again, who knows what Aziraphale might have actually witnessed of Hell's cruel ways already in the past (Edinburgh of 1827, or at other times) that made him arrive at the conclusion that, ultimately, suicide would be the less painful choice for Crowley when faced with Hell's consequence for their relationship.

I told you this was gonna take a bit of a darker turn. So, here we are. At the turn. It doesn't get much lighter from here on out, I'm afraid.

Because all of this gives "You go too fast for me, Crowley" a whole new devastating meaning.

Personally, I always found it a teensy bit difficult to relate that line back to Aziraphale implying that Crowley was trying to push their relationship a little too fast for him.

Deducing that as the meaning of "You goo to fast for me" after we were shown in the montage of S1E3 that Aziraphale, from circa 1941 on, was undoubtedly fully aware of just how madly in love he was with Crowley, has always felt odd to me. And it continued to feel even odder after we got the whole story of 1941 in S2.

Because if that minisode showed us anything, it's that if you let Aziraphale take over the metaphorical wheel for about five minutes, "too fast" doesn't even match the astronomical speed with which he crashes head first into 15th base. Forget the hand holding and kissing, let's go straight to you shooting me on the first date I planned for us!

And they say romance is dead.

Now look, of course, Aziraphale is still keeping most of his romantic feelings and longing bottled up out of fear that Heaven and Hell could find out about them and have Crowley destroyed. We've established that this very big fear of his is the driving factor behind him never trying to overstep that invisible line.

But still, those feelings? They're there. Oh, Hell, they are t-h-e-r-e.

Our angel is a master of self-delusion but not even he is holy enough to deny the fact that, if he could, he'd want nothing more than to lock that demon down and elope together into their happily-ever-after.

So, when Aziraphale finally budges and hands over the Holy Water to Crowley in 1967, I've always had a hard time believing that that line coming from Mr. "I guess there's something to be said for shades of grey" himself actually meant: "I'm not ready yet, you want to go faster than I do."

Because really, apart from trying to convince Aziraphale of the Arrangement and rescuing him from every silly, coincidental predicament the angel has gotten himself into over the millennia, what exactly is it that Crowley did here to "go too fast"? Hell, he's been at it at the pace of a snail ever since, very well knowing that Aziraphale would take a lot of gentle nudging and lunch temptations invitations to agree with the Arrangement.

All Crowley does in that moment in the car is offer Aziraphale a lift, anywhere he wants to go. And yes, that is code their little dance, that is how he shows his love for Aziraphale. But Aziraphale has never before deemed that an issue or seen it as a too-fast progression of their relationship. He even suggests another date himself two seconds later, saying:

A: "Perhaps we could go for a picknick one day. Dine at the Ritz."

So, what, one sentence later he suddenly wants to hit the breaks again? After he literally looked like this the last time Crowley drove (literally way too fast) through burning London?

Nah, I'm not buying it.

Instead, here's what I think Aziraphale really means with this line that changed us all (and I'm sorry, but I'm about to one-up the sadness of the 1862 meeting):

I think Aziraphale is referring to what he thinks is the reason Crowley wants the Holy Water for.

Suicide.

And boy-fucking-howdy, does that change the game.

Because if we assume that Aziraphale, all throughout the one-century-long Holy Water standoff, thought Crowley wanted it as a quick, ahem, Escape From Everything, what I think Aziraphale really means with "You go too fast for me" is this:

To him, Crowley is asking the most cruel deed of him to bring him the one thing that could take Crowley away from Aziraphale for good. For ever. In case things go pear shaped. In case Hell finds out about them and comes after Crowley.

To Aziraphale, Crowley is asking him to load the bullet into his gun for the time it won't be a trick. So he can escape before Hell gets to him.

More devestatingly, I think Aziraphale even understands where that notion comes from. Aziraphale knows how dangerous their relationship is. And Hell does not send rude notes. So, I think after pondering on it for a good millennia, part of him has come to understand why Crowley would want an emergency exit.

Which is absolutely fucking heartbreaking.

Especially because that's not even what Crowley was thinking when he made his request. He truly only wanted it as a defense. But Aziraphale doesn't believe or fully realize that. Aziraphale believes the Holy Water is a suicide pill and to some extent even understands why Crowley might want that.

And yet, despite (wrongly, but well) understanding Crowley's intentions, Aziraphale is still deeply upset and terrified at the thought of Crowley taking his own life should they ever get caught. Which explains his extreme reaction all the way back at their clandestine meeting at St. James' Park.

Aziraphale assuming Crowley's way out of the most pear-shaped situation of them all would be suicide also means that Aziraphale would be the one who'd be ... well, left behind.

He recognises that choosing death over possible eternal punishment is maybe somewhat of an understandable choice. And yet, it's a choice that, to him, Crowley has made without him. Seemingly way before their first talk about it.

Aziraphale thinks Crowley seems to have made up his mind about his escape plan without him in it.

He thinks that if they were caught, Crowley would want some Holy Water around to quickly chug before he would be at Hell's mercy and that would be it.

Crowley would, for the first time ever, really leave. Not just for Alpha Centauri. But actually leave. Escape and run away to a point of no return. For good. Without Aziraphale. To a place where Aziraphale couldn't follow him, no matter how fast he tried to run himself.

It goes a little something like:

"If they found out about us, you would choose to go where I couldn't follow. And you're asking me to pave the road for you to walk there. Without me ever being able to get a say in walking alongside you. You want to go to places where I could never join you. You'd run away without me and I understand why but you didn't even give me a chance to catch up. You go too fast for me, Crowley."

F*ck, man. I think I need to lie down.

Y'know what else that gives new meaning to?

Alright, that's it, I'm out. Enough sad meta-ing for the day. See you all around once I've stopped slipping further into the void, folks. :')

[cottagec0relover21]

(This is my first time writing NSFW, and a over 2k words, so I'm excited to see if you guys like this)

"Hungry Love. Let us Feast"

[Laios Touden x gn!reader]

Warnings: NSFW content below - long fic? - mentions of reader having AFAB genitalia - mentions of cannibalism (nothing gory don't worry)

Laios liked monsters. And he liked eating them. He had an... odd fascination with them, but who were you to judge, when you liked the idea of cannibalism as an analogy for love? Exactly, you were in no position to judge your partner.

You hadn't told him that, though. That you liked the idea of "consuming each other", or that you wanted him to bite each other as you were in bed, treating each other like a fine dish.

—Is everything okay, love?— Laios placed a gentle hand over (y/n)'s shoulder, stirring them away from their thoughts.

They nodded, smiling up at him softly.— Yeah, just thinking— he sat by their side, crossing his legs. He had taken off his armor, wearing the clothes from underneath. They couldn't help their eyes traveling down towards the v-neck of their shirt, the strings loose for comfort.

—Thinking of what?— he asked curiously.

—Just...— should they tell him? No...— about us— they kept their soft smile as they talked for a while about different topics, relating one with another, love, food, monsters. Ugh, monsters. Don't eat them, eat me (y/n) thought to themselves, unable to hide the expression of slight annoyance on their face as the topic was brought up.

He noticed this and mid-rant stopped— Are you alright? Are you tired? We've been walking a lot today, maybe you should rest— if there was something he liked more than talking about monsters in this world, that would be you. He cared about (y/n) more than anyone could imagine or describe.

—Ah, yes... well— they hesitated, looking at their hands, then at his face, and then back at their hands as they fidgeted with their fingers in an attempt to calm their nerves.

They wanted to say how much they wanted to be... consumed, devoured. But would it be weird? Maybe for Laios not too much?

—I've. .. wanted to tell you something for a long time— they mumble— I– It's nothing bad... I think— they waved their hands as they tried to not scare him with their seriousness. Laios looked at (y/n), silently waiting for them to speak.— Have you ever heard of cannibalism as a metaphor or analogy for... love? Or sex even?— they closed their eyes as they said that, bracing for something bad that never came.

Laios put a finger to his chin in thought— Well if I'm being honest, I think I heard of it once or twice, when I was younger and studying literature, but I never delved in much deeper than the fact that it's a thing— he answered with their usual tone.— Why do you ask?— Laios looked at them for an explanation, curiosity clearly sparked in his honey eyes.

(y/n) gulped, trying to ignore how their cheeks started to burn with an incoming blush. Were they really gonna talk about this? They had already told Laios and piqued his curiosity, and he probably would try to pick up the subject sooner than later if they decided to just leave it at this. So gathering courage, they spoke.— I would like for us to– uh– how do I put it?— (y/n) searched for the right words to voice their ideas— to treat each other like a meal when we have intimacy— they blurted, trying to finish the sentence as soon as possible.

—Treat each other... like a meal...— he echoed, raising an eyebrow— so you mean you want me to eat you?— he concluded.

—Ah– well, yes and no, I mean it not in the literal sense, but in a figurative one obviously— they explained— you see, I'd love it if you spoke to me more...no– I...— they sighed again. Gods above was this difficult.— I want you to describe or treat me like a meal. I want us to enjoy ourselves as if we were... "feasting on each other"—.

Soon enough their explanations worked their way into Laios's brain, and he understood exactly what (y/n) was asking for. He smiled, already coming up in his brain with a few ideas. He'd have to think more about the subject though, after all, he always wanted the best for you.

That night, when everyone had gone to sleep in the rooms of the abandoned house they had chosen to pass the night in, Laios approached (y/n) from behind as they were getting into bed.

—Sleepy?— he whispered in their ear, their strong arms hugging them by the waist. They froze at the sudden interaction and slowly relaxed.

—Not really, but we need the rest, don't we?— they smiled, trying to turn around to hug them back, but Laios didn't budge in their hold. —Uh, dear?— they mumbled, this time trying to look behind them.

That's when they felt his lips softly spread kisses on their shoulders, going to the back of their neck and ending their path under their ear. His breath was warm as he spoke— I'm hungry...— he mumbled against their skin. His voice didn't sound like it usually did. This time it sounded... dominant almost.

(y/n)'s breath hitched at this, suddenly feeling themselves grow hot in the cold of the night.

—Should I see if Senshi has any leftovers?— they asked despite their nerves.

—What for? I've got a whole meal right in my hands already...— he let his hands wander, one going down to grip and squeeze at their thigh. The other one traced its way over their neck and up to touch their lower lip.— It would be a waste if I didn't eat you, don't you think? ...so much to delight myself with—.

He let go of them and guided (y/n) to lie down on the bed. They obliged, excitement and pleasure already cursing through their veins as Laios crawled and watched from on top of them how they looked at him with a shy expression, their hair all messy over the soft pillow, a few strands on their face.— Oh how beautiful you are...— Laios whispers, licking his lips and moving the strands of hair away from their pretty face. His lips softly collided with (y/n)'s, who returned the kiss as they tangled their fingers at the back of his honey haired head.

Licking at their bottom lip, silently asking for permission, (y/n) parts their lips, allowing their tongues to dance lovingly. One of his hands stays by the side of their head to keep himself up, while the other moves the spread their legs a bit further, allowing him to come closer, his chest now pressing against theirs.

A string of saliva connects their lips when they break the kiss, and they're both left already panting, thinking about what's next. Laios stutters for a moment as his fingertips touch slightly under (y/n)'s shirt— May I?— he looks up at them through lidded, yet soft eyes.— I'm dying to discover what my meal is for tonight— he let's his hand further under their shirt once (y/n) gives them the okay to go ahead.

His big and somewhat calloused hands cup one of their breasts, massaging it for a moment, his index finger reaching for their nipple and flicking lightly at it. —Mhh... you're so perfectly soft, my love— he uttered, peppering kisses all over their collarbone.

(y/n) sighed, a hand coming up to their lips to contain the moan that wanted to escape from their lips, caused by all the attention they were suddenly receiving.

—Don't...— Laios said firmly, looking up at them from their collarbone.— I want to feast your flesh, and I want to listen to the way you feel when I'm devouring you. So don't— his hand traveled slowly down from their chest to the hem of their pants, feeling the goosebumps on their skin.

Laios felt his erection twitch in the captivity of his own pants, but he bit his lip, focusing once again on the task at hand. Eating.

He slid their pants off easily, underwear gone along with them, taking the opportunity to get rid of his own shirt as well. His breath already agitated, he gulped down the sudden urge to just dive in between their legs and taste them without a word. He continued to gently massage one of their breasts and kissing their neck. Lips starting to trail downwards, he pinched softly at one of their nipples, kissing his way down towards the other breast and sticking his tongue out to play with the nipple of the other.

When their legs twitched, threatening to close in the slightest around him, he moved his hand to hold their thighs open with a strong grip. It wasn't enough to hurt, no. But it was strong enough to let them know, without a word, that it was not happening under his watch.— Can't have a feast without the main course, can we?— he chuckled, trailing kisses down their body and finally positioning his face in between their legs. (y/n) looked away, but quickly looked right back down at him, embarrassment and excitement mixing in their stomach.

He slid a finger over the slick of the entrance, watching mesmerized at their juices as he heard a soft gasp of surprise come from their lips.

Kissing both of their thighs for a few moments first, he looked up to them and whispered— Thank you for the meal, my love— and closing his eyes, his tongue stuck out to lick in an upward motion, testing the waters. Once he heard another gasp, accompanied of a soft whimper, he pressed his face right into their cunt, tongue lapping at the juices as his nose pressed against the soft bundle of nerves slightly above.— Gods, I've been starving— he mumbled against their clit, his warm breath making them shiver.

Sticking his tongue inside of them, then swirling it around their clit, their flavor stuck to Laios's tongue and lips, smearing itself around part of his cheeks and nose as he hummed eagerly against their pussy.

It went on for a while, a long while. And he seemed thrilled at their reactions. What if he licked like this? What if he bit their thighs? What if he raised their legs and pressed his face as much as he could into the sweet liquor of their pussy? What if he held your hips in place with enough strength to make you unable to stop yourself from being completely devoured by him?

He shifted his gaze up towards their face— Gods you sound divine. You're so perfect— lidded eyes looked at them, as one of his hands moved towards the entrance his tongue was just exploring.— Can I?— always so polite, he asks for permission to keep exploring more.

— You shouldn't play with your food— (y/n) says in a breathless whisper. Looking back down at him— but... I'll allow it— Laios smiled softly at their words.

His finger teased the clit first, procuring they were even more wet than before as he slowly pressed kisses all the way back up their abdomen and across their chest until they reached their lips.

Gently teasing the entrance and then pushing his middle finger in, he was met with the warmth and the tightness of their insides as they moaned into his mouth.

—Relax sweetheart...— he whispered near (y/n)'s ear, moving to press a kiss on the space between their ear and their jawline— We're going to be here a while. I like taking my time to enjoy a good banquet— his finger pumped in and out of their pussy beautifully, their slick only providing them with lewd sounds everytime he dipped his finger back in or out. Laios bit down onto their neck, procuring to leave a hickey that everyone was most probably going to be able to see in the morning, and (y/n)'s hips stuttered upwards against his fingers.— You sound so delicious sweetheart— he praised, moving a second finger up to their entrance and penetrating them with both now, eliciting a rather loud moan to escape from them.—Take your time, I'm not stopping until I get to taste your sweet release— Laios mumbled against their jaw.

Gods was that night going to be a beautifully long one.

[tremendously-crazy]

Ranting about ACD Johnlock because these Victorian husbands need to be happy for me

What the hell happened between Holmes and Watson in 1902 and 1903?

Context: 3GAR is described as happening in July 1902, and ILLU happened in 1902. CREE and BLAN happened in 1903.

In 1902, Holmes and Watson were inseparable.

I don't even need to elaborate when I mention 3GAR. "It was worth a wound" should be enough to remind you of why. I was so touched when I read Holmes seeing his Watson injured and rushing to his side. He is terrified at the thought of losing his friend. It was amazing to read this seemingly cold, distant, and unemotional man threatening to murder the man who almost killed his best friend. There was loyalty, there was love, and it was beautiful.

According to ILLU, in 1902, they're also frequenting Turkish baths together. (which, I might add, was a common place for homosexual men to gather, do with that knowledge what you may) They're lying side by side on two couches with nothing but a blanket on either of them as they dry off. Watson hears Holmes is injured and nearly passes out, and he rushes to Baker Street to see him as soon as possible. He is terrified at the thought of losing his friend. He gingerly sits at his bedside to ensure that Holmes is okay. These are all very intimate things to do between friends. Indeed, this even suggests the possibility of the two being lovers.

IMAGINE that. These two are inseparable. Clearly, these two stories help to build on the idea that they love each other (platonically or romantically. To me, they seem romantically involved, but even as friends, they do love each other. It's all up to personal preference.) Their relationship is so strong, more than anything we have seen before. These stories showcase their love for each other and how passionate they are for each other.

Now, flash forward to 1903, when CREE and BLAN take place, and we are given an entirely different narrative. Watson describes himself as one of Holmes's "habits" in CREE, saying he felt as though he was an accessory to Holmes. Their relationship is "peculiar," and he is only called over to Baker Street as some kind of tool Holmes can talk to or use on a case. Holmes can rely on Watson, and he is, in a way, taking advantage of his reliability. Throughout the entire story, we can feel the tension between these two (remember how Watson had to stress over his practice in order to join Holmes on the case, and Holmes seemingly did not care at all). It seems partially resolved by the end, but there is still a feeling of bitterness that was fully apparent to me while I was reading it. It seemed like their interactions were angsty and passive-aggressive.

In BLAN, Watson does not even live with Holmes anymore, around a year after 3GAR and ILLU. Holmes explains he has "deserted" him for a wife, which he described as "the most selfish action I can recall in our years of association." Holmes was alone. In the story, Holmes cannot stop talking about how much he misses "his" Watson.

These four stories have such a sharp contrast. They have been absolutely terrorizing my brain a lot as of late. I feel like them being so close in ILLU, and *the* moment in 3GAR are some of their strongest moments together. They are both so terrified to lose each other. How is it that a year later, according to the canon, they are barely on speaking terms? My question is, if we are to trust the canon dates, what happened during those months that caused them to drift apart so terribly? How could Watson leave his Holmes for a wife so recently after these frightening events?

Another point about this supposed second wife. I don't think she even existed. (I do think Mary was really Watson's wife, and I might've reblogged a post about it somewhere) But about the second wife. As far as I'm aware, she's mentioned one (1) time in one (1) story by Holmes, and it was likely just a ploy by ACD to separate them (oh well, I'll just give him a wife. That'll separate them good enough.) It's easily enough ignored for that reason. Watson was, in fact, away from Baker Stret, but the idea of a wife was, in all probability, just made up by Holmes as an excuse for his absence.

I'd like to add my personal headcanon because the continuity in Sherlock Holmes is actually so messed up. John is called James in one story (TWIS, if you want to see for yourself.) October 9, 1890, is called a Saturday when it was really a Thursday (REDH) There's a story set in 1892, when Holmes was supposedly dead... etc, etc. Given the known unreliability of dates in these stories, would it be so unreasonable to suggest that the dates of the four I have talked about were swapped? That, in fact, CREE and BLAN were a falling out in their relationship and that ILLU and 3GAR was their healing? That the former were set in 1902 and the latter, in 1903? I can understand that after knowing someone and living with them for so many years, you may start to take them for granted. But after you narrowly lose them, you would not do such a thing again. (Especially not only a year after such a traumatic experience!!) Therefore, I believe CREE and BLAN were examples of how their relationship was beginning to fail and were actually set in 1902 (or some other date in the latter days of their relationship), and ILLU and 3GAR were reminders of how much they meant to each other, and they happened in 1903 (or, more simply, a year after CREE and BLAN).

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. I know this is completely incorrigible and nobody's gonna read it but I just wanted to get it out there.

TL;DR: Late Sherlock Holmes canon sucks. No way that they had both near death experiences in 3GAR and ILLU, and less than a year latery they can barely stand each other in CREE and BLAN. My personal headcanon says CREE and BLAN were moments of stress in their relationship and that 3GAR and ILLU happened afterward to remind them of how much they appreciated each other and help reconcile them.

[waywardcrow]

This is a request from @tianalsworld and I loved it so much! Hope you like it!

Pairing: Mob!Bucky x f!reader.

TW: Very light talk about the mob, sexual innuendos, suggestive comments, a little of angst and threaths from reader, no use of y/n, minors dni. English is not my first language so let me know if I make any grammar mistakes.

Graphics by @ firefly-graphics so all the credits to the creator.

“Hello, doll, you look astonishing today” you rolled your eyes at Bucky’s greeting, ignoring the jump your heart gave in your ribcage, you hated this man.

“Don’t call me doll, Barnes” you hissed, focused in getting the right amount of glass sugar in your mix “save that for the rich ladies attending your party tonight.”

Without giving him a glance you moved around your kitchen, the sun was barely up and your staff would not be there for another half an hour, still you couldn’t sleep. This was your first big event, you were working for a criminal family, yes but you were finally being recognized for your abilities, no longer shoved aside by stupid snobs who believed they were better than you for attending international schools and a manwhore like James Buchanan Barnes would not ruin this for you, no matter how hot he was.

“It’s jealousy what I hear?” he asked and got hit in the hand by you when he went to touch a hot tray.

“In your dreams, Barnes” his mother, the one who hired you, gave you full permission to deal with her son’s antics, knowing damn well his Casanova attitude.

“In my dreams you are sweeter with me, love”

“Well, in reality I have very sharp knives so go and bother someone else” you ordered and his laugh echoed in the empty fancy walls.

“Always making me smile, doll. Keep up with this and we’re going to end up married” Bucky stole a sugar cookie before you could react and walking backwards to the door, he blew you a kiss.

“When hell freezes over!” still, you didn’t believed a word.

Hours later, your kitchen was the complete opposite of what it was in the morning.

Chaos reigned everywhere but you controlled it, disappointing Winnifred Barnes wasn’t an option. Your hands ached, your feet were numb but the adrenaline running through your veins was enough to keep going shouting orders and prepping dishes, your brain going faster that your body and before you could notice, it was over.

The waiters were bringing everything back; the guests went home and your boss went to kiss you twice in the cheeks, beaming with happiness.

“It was perfect, dear, I knew since I saw you that you could do great things” Mrs. Barnes was like the classy ladies you used to see in magazines but she was always so nice to you, you couldn’t help but smile at her, happy for having her approval.

“I’m glad you liked it, Mrs. Barnes”

“I loved it but now, it’s time for you to rest a little, you earned it, we can talk about this and everything else in the morning” with a soft touch to your cheek, she left the kitchen, thanking the staff one more time.

You did the same minutes after, excusing yourself to go for some air you made your way to the garden.

It was only your first month in the Barnes mansion but it felt like a whole life, this could give you a lot of trouble but it was the best job you had so far and if you were totally honest with yourself, you were too enamored with the Barnes family to leave them.

Winnie was so sweet to you, so was the youngest daughter Rebecca and Mr. Barnes was always so polite, asking about your day and if you needed something, then there was Bucky.

The first time you saw him, you thought he was the most beautiful man you ever met and you still thought that way but being familiar with the endless list of women he slept with, it was the safest choice to stay away.

“There she is” Bucky’s voice broke through the night and then he was standing next to you “come, sweetheart, I have something for you.”

He pulled you by the hand and took you inside the house again with little effort, you were so tired.

“Barnes let go, I’m not going anywhere with you” making him stop you tried to pull your hand from his but he didn’t listened.

“Relax, doll, here is not where I go on my knees for you” the lack of food was playing with your mind, did he said what you heard he said?

He made you go in the balcony where a table was set with dishes of your food, candles and wine.

“What- what are you doing?” was your only question when he led you to your chair to pull it and help you take a seat.

“I figure you haven’t eaten all day so I picked your favorites” he explained like if he did this every day while pouring some wine for you.

It was true all your favorite foods were there, even the wine you were dying to try since you saw it in the mansion’s cellar.

“I mean, why are you doing this?” you asked taking a sip of your glass, it would hurt when he finally give up on you and go to the next conquer but it would be for the better.

“Because you take care of everyone here, I thought someone should take care of you for once” Bucky explained unfolding his napkin with something that looked like a nervous attitude but that wasn’t impossible, he was a fuckboy, a manwhore, the type of man that sleeps in a different bed every night and you were… you, there was no way you made him nervous.

“That’s very kind, Bucky” you admitted and his smile was shiny enough to dare the stars in the sky.

“Maybe this way you would see I’m a good guy and go out with me” he winked and maybe it was how tired you were or the wine but you laughed.

“When hell freezes over, Barnes.”

Here I am, obssesing over one more mob!Bucky and it feels great! Let me know what you think.

Love, Lily.

[royboyfanpage]

Okay, let's talk about Ollie's experience with fatherhood.

I'm an Oliver Queen apologist forever, but I think that there's a tendency in fandom to go one of two ways- "absolutely perfect dad, no flaws whatsoever" or "evil abuser who shouldn't be within six miles of a child". This isn't an Ollie exclusive phenomenon, a lot of characters and topics do fall into that black-and-white mindset. But the thing is- Ollie doesn't have to be either extreme. Particularly with Roy, who most of the debate centres around, Ollie wasn't perfect! I think there's such a rich discussion point in terms of young Roy's relationship with Ollie, so much more than just That Panel. Because, in my interpretation, Ollie absolutely cared about him, absolutely saw him as a son, but also the idea of being a father is something that deeply terrified him. The idea that this literal child being dependent on him made it feel more real, if that makes sense. Coming to terms with the fact that he was responsible for another person's life was difficult for him, and so he put up this wall- hero and sidekick. A conceptual dynamic, one that's not based in reality. He can keep that distance between himself and Roy and decide what that means, he doesn't have to be a father because that word has so many strong connotations, but he can still express that he cares about Roy, in his own way. That's why he always calls Roy 'Speedy' even out of costume, that's why his first thought is that Roy's undercover in Snowbirds. He can focus on being a good mentor to Speedy, which will have a trickle-down effect to being a good guardian to Roy, right?

Unfortunately, kids' brains don't work like that! Especially not a kid who's already lost two fathers. Roy needed a stability in his teenage years that Ollie just wasn't able to give at that time. He didn't see "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy because he loves me and doesn't know how to show it", he saw "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy, which means I'm only good as Speedy". This, at least in my opinion, is a major factor in Roy’s later self-esteem issues. Roy’s constantly underestimating himself as a hero, constantly comparing himself to Dick, and pushing himself 24/7 to improve because he internalised the idea that if he’s good, if he’s the perfect hero, then he’ll be loveable. He can’t be bad, he can’t fail, he can’t back down because if he does, he’s nothing.

It’s absolutely not Roy’s fault, but also this doesn’t mean that Ollie’s an evil neglecting abuser, either. Even the best parents fuck up, and Ollie was by no means the best parent. He took in Roy as a sidekick, as a buddy, and then never really found a way to combine the ideas of sidekick and son. He assumed that Roy would be able to interpret meanings behind gestures, which is something that Roy seems to struggle with even into adulthood. I’ve talked about it a fair bit, Roy’s absolutely someone who relies on the explicit, but he’s also not someone who’ll ask for clarification, which has caused conflict in his relationships time and time again. And while it's something he has gotten better at as he's gotten older, a 12-18 year old Roy would absolutely not be able to read Ollie's motives.

And Ollie's fear of fatherhood isn't something exclusive to Roy, either. Sure, he'd gotten better at it by the time Connor and Mia entered the picture (speaking as an oldest child myself, we are the guinea pigs of parenting, I was my mum's sibling), he absolutely still expresses this with them. I mean, just look at his face when he finds out Connor's his son.

That's the face of a man who's just had the crushing weight of parenthood slammed down onto him again, the moment Connor stopped being an ally and started being his responsibility. He's scared, because Ollie absolutely does not see himself as a good father for someone to have. This was very much present during Roy's teenage years, but particularly since this is post-Snowbirds. Both in terms of Roy developing a drug addiction and in terms of Ollie's own initial reaction to it, he immediately spirals. And, since we've already established he does not know how to process things, he lashes out at Connor.

And as for Mia, he's definitely matured significantly by the time she comes into the picture, and compared to with Roy he's a lot more open with his feelings. However!

He still won't explicitly accept the responsibility of fatherhood! Despite acting like a father to Mia in every way through his actions, he still won't use his words! Even though in the issue following, he expresses a paternal protectiveness over her.

And I think Mia's HIV diagnosis is maybe one of the biggest examples of his distancing himself and hiding his feelings, particularly when Connor asks him how he's feeling about it.

He's so fine, so totally fine, trust him when he says he's fine, totally not freaking out. He's absolutely not terrified for his not-daughter, no way.

Ollie has this fear that if he gets too attached to his kids, he's gonna end up failing them. If he keeps a distance from them, then he can't blame himself when they get hurt. Is this good parenting? No! Absolutely not! But this is also the man who dresses up as Robin Hood and who chose to die rather than lose his arm. This is not a healthy man.

But he tries, he tries so hard, even if it's in his own way. And he recognises when he fucks up! And he tries his best to mend it later on!

He's not the best at showing his kids that he loves them, but he's so proud of Roy when he becomes Red Arrow. He comes back to life to save Connor. He stands by Mia's side when she gets diagnosed and becomes Speedy. He's not a great dad, but goddamnit he's trying to be.

In conclusion, no, Ollie is not the perfect father. He's deeply flawed, and his own emotional incompetency has been and always will be a point of conflict between him and his kids. But he's not some uncaring abuser, either. He's trying.

[bubblergoespop]

My Top Aaron Quotes

men who are just constantly tired of everything>>>>>

“Well buckle up, wiz kid.”

“So yeah, I am gonna miss you. I’m really gonna miss you.”

“Sue me. Except don’t. My brain is already fried from the financials, I don’t need to throw legalese on top of that.”

“Fuck it. There’s nothing in here I can’t replace. I want you."

“Oliver”

“I didn’t say I wanted to spend the day with you, I asked if you wanted to spend the day with me. I asked first.”

"Ell"

“Hey, stop it. Because you know how much I like you running your fingers through my hair. Makes my brain go all fuzzy.”

“I appreciate it. And you.”

“Oh, it’s not playing dirty. It’s just me making you feel good.”

“I didn’t realise I was apparently dating an anthropomorphic backpack.”

“H-hey—stop it. You—no, your kisses are just… it tickled. Shut up. So what if my sides are ticklish, it’s not like that’s weird, you shit.”

“Oh, and now you can’t even find the strength to lift your head out of my lap, hmm? You poor thing. Who knew that being lazy could be so exhausting?”

“I love you very much. Now get off me.”

“You talked a big talk back then. But it turns out you’re just a cuddle-hungry softy after all, huh? Yes you are. At least when you’re still sleepy, anyway.”

“I also know you’re probably the kind to fly off half-cocked and make me chase you down with the SPF 50 like a madman. If for no other reason than to infuriate me.”

“Come here. Come closer. Because I said so.”

“I love you. And I love rain. And I love being with the person I love while it rains. Isn’t that a fun little combo?”

“You are very cute looking up at me like that.”

“Or is the thought of a few more minutes in my arms that much of an imposition? Asshole. Mmm. I love you too.”

“I can’t even try to say a nice thing without you having to get some snark into it, can I? No, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You brat. I love you just as you are.”

“You make me better. And that’s no small order when you’re talking about me, given the high level I already started at.”

“A man’s gotta eat. And you’ve always been my favorite thing on the menu.”

“Oh yes, you’re so put upon. Your evil boyfriend only makes you a whole breakfast spread, he won’t then also let you sleep in even later than you already have.”

“Eli”

“Yes, in a shocking twist, I do find your absence unpleasant. Perish the thought, right?”

“Time spent with the people I care about is important to me. It doesn’t have to be time doing anything special, it doesn’t have to be conversations about our future or some greater purpose or any of that shit, I just want to be with the person that I’m with.”

“Sure, there are plenty of ways to sleep on a couch just fine. It’s your hybrid approach that lands somewhere between gymnast and pretzel that tends to get you in trouble.”

“You’re okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

“If it feels like it's coming on again, come tell us, okay?”

“I only met them a handful of times. They're sweet. They laugh a lot. They spent most of the time giving Elliott shit, it was funny. Not in like a mean way, like the way you do when you love somebody that much. They were a good balance for one another.”

“God I sound old. And I feel old. And I’m not, but it feels like it. A grumpy old man. Might as well start yelling at kids to not play so loud in the neighborhood, really complete the image.”

“Stop calling me an old man, only I’m allowed to call me old. Don’t be mean. I’m in a vulnerable state. I need baseless praise.”

“Yes. Holding you feels very productive.”

“Yeah. Let me just rub it on that pretty face for a little bit…”

“ It’d be fine. Almost as fine as you. I’m tired, I’m allowed to be stupid.”

“El, I have never hated you. You’re my little brother, I love you.”

“No the windows are mirrored glass. You should know that, you worked here.”

“Whose is it? Louder”

“Thank you baby. Yeah, thank you for trusting me like you do. […] All I wanna do is prove myself worthy of that trust.”

[writerslittlelibrary]

You should make one where Wanda and nat get taken by the snap and it leaves there 14 year old daughter for her to grow up alone, later when they return there surprised to see her grow up at first they dont even recognize her because she turns out to be a cold badass. You can add some angst of her not being able to trust them and so on. But over time there family dynamic falls back but they notice y/n is hiding something because she always disappears and is seen talking on the phone. One night they think they hear talk in y/n’s room so they wait a few hours before they check it out and its y/n being super cute with her gf. she introduce her gf who helped her through the snap.

5 years is a long time

masterlist requests masterlist

pairing: WandaNat x daughter reader

warnings: grieve, loss, pain

genre: angst, fluff

words: 2093

a/n: thank you so much anon for the request. I love the idea and I hope you like it 🫶

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work 

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Tears. That’s all you remember. The endless crying of that night. Your moms had told you they had to leave for a while to fight an important battle. They told you they would be back. They lied. 

You remember Steve coming to your home. The home you grew up in. The home you three had lived in for your entire life. You were excited when you heard the door open. You thought your moms had returned. They hadn’t.

Steve was standing in the door opening, and the look on his face alone was enough to make you cry. So that’s what you did. For the entire night you did nothing but cry. You couldn’t believe your moms would break their promise. You couldn’t believe your moms would never hold you again. 

Steve had taken you out of your home that night. He said he wanted you to stay with him, so you would be safe. He told you it’s what your moms would’ve wanted, but you had no interest in listening to him. You didn’t sleep that night. What happened wouldn’t leave your brain. You were devastated. 

After a few weeks in the compound, you had started feeling angry. The first few days you felt numb, and you supposed feeling angry was better than that, but in reality it wasn’t.

You would ignore Steve. You wouldn’t eat or take care of yourself. All you could be was angry, and you and Steve fought all the time. After two months, you decided to leave. You were a few weeks away from your fifteenth birthday, and Steve was trying to get you excited for it, but you didn’t want to be.

Usually, you would be so excited you couldn’t sleep, but this time you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Steve talked about it non-stop, and you just couldn’t take it. What was the point in celebrating your birthday if the most important people wouldn't be there?

That was when you decided to leave. 

You found an apartment in Seattle, wanting to be as far away from the compound as you could. That’s where you lived for the past 5 years. You were 19 now, and your life was different than it was when the snap happened.

You used your training to kill. You found that killing people was the only way to ease your anger, ease your thirst for revenge. 

You weren’t proud of it. How could you? Your moms had taught you how to fight to protect, not hurt. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care, however. Your moms were gone. There was no reason in thinking about what they would or wouldn’t agree with. 

You were currently sitting on your couch, cleaning some of your knives. You had another successful assignment yesterday and you were exhausted. There was a lot of commotion in the world, and your assignments were flooding. It seemed that suddenly everyone wanted each other dead. You didn’t know why, but then again, you didn’t follow the news.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock at your door. Besides Charlie, no one knew where you lived, and she wasn’t set to come home for another few days. 

Hesitantly, you opened your door, and you almost broke at the sight. 

In front of you were two people. Two people who you believed you’d never see again. Wanda gasped, clearly shocked by the wounds you carried on your face. Maybe the fact you’d grown 5 years shocked her too. Natasha just stared. She couldn’t believe it. Their little girl was all grown up, but that isn’t what shocked them the most. 

The emptiness in your eyes did. 

Wanda made the first move to hug you, and in your shock you didn’t react. You hadn’t thought this day would ever come, and now it did. 

Natasha seemed to snap out of her shock, moving to embrace you as well. 

They cried. You didn’t.

When they moved into your apartment you were quick to clean the knives from your coffee table. You were afraid of how they would react. You knew they would be disappointed, but you just weren’t ready for a lecture of them yet. 

Natasha and Wanda stayed in your guest room, and much like the night you lost them, you were awake. You couldn’t sleep, and you knew they wouldn’t be able to either.

The next day Natasha and Wanda had convinced you to move back into their apartment. They kept telling you how sorry they were for leaving, and how they wanted to make up for all the years they lost. You agreed, moving back into your childhood home. You didn’t know how you’d react if they ever were to return, but you never expected to feel so… numb.

You had lived together for a few days now, and you had a hard time trusting them. You fought a few times already, mainly with Natasha. You refused to call them mom and mama again. You just couldn’t. Wanda was just trying to be there for you, while Natasha was more set on getting answers.

You were frustrated. You couldn’t provide your moms with any answers. You didn’t have any. 

Last night you and Natasha fought again, and she yelled at you saying she couldn't recognise you anymore. You were lost. You didn’t know how to react.

All those nights you wished your moms would return to you, and wishing things would go back to the way they were. Now you wished things would go back to the way they were after they disappeared. You didn’t want to face them, and living with them again after so many years proved to be much more difficult than you initially thought. 

Most nights you spend in your room, talking to the only person that stayed the same through all of it. 

You spoke to Charlie most nights. She was the only person you had found comfort with all this time. The only person you felt you could trust, and the only person you felt you could be yourself around.

Charlie lost both of her parents in the snap as well, and when you were on an assignment one day to kill a dangerous man, you had found Charlie in one of the rooms in his house.

She was locked up, and she looked sick. You had taken her home with you, caring for her wounds. She didn’t speak much, only thanking you when appropriate. You didn’t mind much. You were happy you could still do some good. You were both 17 at the time, and you grew close quickly. 

Charlie had told you what happened. How she lost her parents and the man had taken her. You offered her to stay with you, and she agreed. You grew closer quickly, and your friendship soon developed into something more. 

Charlie was the only person you cared about. The only person you could be yourself around. The only person you loved through those years. 

Charlie had reminded you of your humanity, and she never scolded you for doing what you did. 

It’s funny, really. All those nights you spend on your own, in the bed of your new apartment, you longed to be laying in your own bed, with your moms downstairs. Now, while you were lying in the bed of your childhood home, with your moms downstairs, you longed for the nights in your own apartment. Spend watching movies and eating cheap take out with Charlie. 

You hadn’t told your moms about Charlie yet. You didn’t know how to. You didn’t know you wanted to.

Your moms were downstairs, discussing your behavior. Wanda was crying. She felt so incredibly hurt by the fact you called her ‘Wanda’ now. She missed the days you called her mommy. When you would come running downstairs all excited because you had a random thought you felt like Wanda should know. 

Her and Natasha were talking about how you seemed so closed off. So cold. How you were always in your room and how it seemed like you were hiding something.

Tonight, while you were on a call with Charlie, Natasha had decided to check on you, wanting to talk to you about their concerns. When she reached your room, she could hear you talking to someone. She decided not to knock on the door, instead opening it to see you lying on your bed, with your back turned to the door. You didn’t notice she was standing there, to captivated by your phone call.

You were giggling, and Natasha wasn’t sure when she last heard you laugh. 

Natasha just stood there, soaking up your happiness. When you ended the phone call, you told Charlie ‘I love you’, which didn’t go unnoticed by Natasha.

When you turned around you were startled, and when you released Natasha was eavesdropping you were upset. 

“I’m sorry,” Natasha told you, and you sighed, sitting up in your bed. Natasha sat at the end of your bed, not wanting to make you uncomfortable by sitting too close. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, it’s just been a while since I’ve seen you laugh.”

“I’m sorry too,” you told her, not wanting to look at her.

“I understand it must’ve been hell for you, and it must have been so confusing, even now we’re back. It’s confusing for us too. A few weeks ago you were our little 14 year old girl, and now you’re all grown up. I’m sorry we don’t know how to help you, and I’m sorry we weren’t there,” Natasha told you with tears in her eyes. 

You sniffled and shook your head. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been a terrible daughter. I was never mad at you. I’m just so angry, and I didn’t know how to handle that,” you explained to her, tears rolling down your cheeks.

Natasha pulled you into a hug, the first you’d had since the night they returned. You cried together, and Wanda, who probably heard the crying, came upstairs and sat next to you on the other side. 

You kept crying, repeating ‘I’m sorry’ until you were so tired you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore. 

You fell asleep in their arms, and when you woke up, they were still there. 

You had all moved down to the kitchen for breakfast, and for the first time in 5 years, you were eating breakfast together, talking. There was no tension, no crying, no fighting and no yelling. Just talking.

“So who was that girl on the phone yesterday?” Natasha suddenly asked you. 

You looked up at her quickly, surprised with her question. “What?” you asked her confused. “Yesterday you were talking on the phone with a girl. You seemed really happy.” 

You looked at your plate, pushing the leftover fruit around on it. “We’re not mad, just curious,” Wanda told you. “Her name’s Charlie. She’s kinda my girlfriend,” you told your moms hesitantly.

You didn’t look at them, but you felt Wanda scooting her chair closer, engulfing you in a hug. “We’re so happy for you!” she exclaimed, and you relaxed in her arms. “Thanks,” you mumbled. Natasha sat down in the chair on the other side of you, rubbing your back. “Where is she now?” Natasha asked. 

“Still in Seattle. We lived together in that apartment,” you told her, sitting up straight again. 

“We should invite her over, if you want too,” Wanda suggested. You nodded. “I’d like that,” 

Two days later Charlie was standing in front of your door again, and she hugged you tight. “I’ve missed you,” you murmured. She nodded, kissing your forehead. 

When she let you go, she noticed your moms standing behind you. Natasha was the first one to introduce herself, telling her it was nice to meet her. Wanda was next, giving her a small hug. 

You had dinner that night, the four of you, and after finding out you had lived together for 2 years, Wanda suggested she should stay for a while. Charlie agreed, and you couldn’t be happier. The night was ended with movies, you in Charlie’s arms, just like all those other nights. The only difference was your moms sitting next to you, smiling at the wonderful young woman you’d grown into. 

[soobrat]

mosquito; choi soobin

part one; on a monday... masterlist

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ pairing; popstar!soobin x rising star!reader

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ synopsis; Soobin is one of the names you think of when you say "Pop Star", which remains true after his recent cold streak. To make up for his cold streak, his company urges him to enter a relationship with you, a rising star. Dreading another publicity stunt relationship, he says no before they get to the part where you're none the wiser.

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ words; 7.9k

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ genre; smut, slight angst, humor, alternate universe, opposite attract, unrequited love, fake relationship

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ warnings; celeb sex party (if that makes you uncomfy considering recent events, please click here), breast play, fingering, piv, dom!soobin, eventual sub!jihyo, numbness to sex

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ series song recs; mosquito by pinkpantheress, so i by charli xcx, turn it up by pinkpantheress

↻ ◁ || ▷ : New series! And it won't be as angsty as the other ones. Just light hearted fun... I hope. Also, this will be the only part that includes this many texts.

“...sex appeal?”

Soobin’s mind feels infested with the amount of thoughts swarming in his head. He has to meet with his… He needs to work on… He hasn’t had sex in a long time. Sex… didn’t she just say something about that? Oh, and he has to–

“Soobin!” 

“Huh?” Soobin’s body flinches but his brain lags. His vision focuses on his phone he must have zoned out from while holding. He shifts his focus to his manager who is waiting patiently with an exaggerated smile. He smiles apologetically. “Come again?”

“I–” Sakura tries and immediately fails at talking, looking as if she's pushing the words down like bile. “Just… was it the sex appeal?” Her words send chills down Soobin’s spine.

“I told you my skin crawls when you try that.” Soobin’s attention is still locked onto his phone despite his manager. 

“Try what.” Sakura pops her lips, sauntering toward him in a way only an aunt wanting to be cool would. The shockwaves from the high levels of cringe physically shake him.  Soobin side eyes her, alarmed. He scoots away as she sits next to him. “Saying naughty words to sound cool.”

“Whatever. Was Jini that sexy?” Her tone straightens out, but he can tell she’s still trying to sound nonchalant. Trying so, so hard. All while clearly trying to force out whatever information she’s looking for. He doesn’t even let that nonsense simmer for a second.

“Please get away from me, Sakura.” He’s zoned back in to what he was doing before his brain flooded.

“Okay,” Sakura says hesitantly, “but if this is about the director-”

“I want to be alone right now.” The magic words tumble from his mouth with how fast he says them. He looks up at Sakura with a smile as if that’ll make her feel better. Sakura acknowledges the words begrudgingly, frustration mixing with the worry on her face. She hesitates before leaving but ultimately does. 

Soobin sighs, but his body remains stiff. He refreshes the page. A text notification makes him jump, but his tension snaps right back in place once he sees it’s from Yeonjun.

Daniel Choi Yeonjun who else is going to buy a round for everyone tonight if ur not coming? ;(

His fingers dance across the screen typing a strongly worded no, and for Yeonjun to leave him the fuck alone, but his fingers freeze mid sentence. Everytime he goes to finish, his brain screams counterpoints that make his response feel wrong.

You’re going to pass up on a party to sit at home alone all day?

He casts a glance around his living room. He clears his throat, subtly checking if it’s still as echoey as last time, as if anything’s changed. He saved this room for last when decorating. He vaguely remembers the excitement he had to decorate. The embers of happiness still flicker, but fail to keep him warm. Four years later and he only has a tv and couch.

Soobin I’m not buying rounds for the whole party

Daniel Choi Yeonjun why not???

Soobin why don’t you buy drinks for everyone?

Daniel Choi Yeonjun bc thats a lot of fuckin money

“Hah.” He laughed dryly to himself. Yeonjun’s career has been chugging full steam ahead since 2014 with no sign of stopping. He's a great performer, but his sex appeal alone could’ve gotten him at least this far and he didn’t even start ripping his shirt off until 2017. He had more than enough money to have food delivered to the whole block and not even flinch.

Soobin I’ll pass, thanks

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Soobin’s deep breath does nothing to prepare him for Sakura. He can hear her practically tap dancing on the other side of his door. The corners of his mouth twitch into an amused smirk that he wipes away quickly, conditioned by Sakura’s offended expression he knows too well. He clears his throat and opens the door.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? Ignore what the director said.” The words stumble off Sakura’s tongue and she steps in, reaching for Soobin. The last time she used unnecessary physical contact he threatened to request a new manager. Though right now he’s close to letting it fly because of how hilarious she is when she’s like this. She looks bug eyed and anxious like she does every time the director has notes. “Are you reading hate comments? Reading texts from Jini?” Her eyes drop down the phone in his hand.

“Why do you keep asking about Jini?” Soobin can’t help cackling, none of Sakura’s high anxiety rubbing off on him. Sakura wets her chapped lips, which ironically leads to her lips staying as cracked as they usually are. She glances into the hallway before swinging the door shut and looking back at him with a cautionary look in her eye.

“Did you really like her? I mean, we warned you–”

“PFFT-!” Soobin fails at stopping the onslaught of pure belly laughter that rocks his body. Just when he thinks he’ll stop to let Sakura get a word in, another viscous wave whips from his lungs and sends him curling over. His crazed laughter makes his stomach ache but he can’t stop. Soobin attempts to stand as Sakura’s worry turns to frustration. He falls to the floor, curled like a shrimp as the laughter slowly dies down.

“I’m glad you think it’s funny. I want you to keep this upbeat energy when–”

“I CAN’T BREATHE!” Soobin has been reduced to tentative whimpers that threaten to send him back into hysterics.

“Listen.” She snaps sternly, catching Soobin off guard. “Does this lady look familiar?” She faces the phone toward him. Soobin exhales heavily as he stands again. He recognizes the face but can’t place the name. He swipes his phone from the ground, remembering that face from a photo on Yeonjun’s Instagram. He taps on your username, scrolling through all your strange feed with pictures that lack the usual extravagance of someone as famous as you. Distracted by his phone again, he says your name questioningly.

“What about her?”

After a lengthy sigh and arms outstretched as if to stabilize herself, Sakura is back to normal. “She’s onto the recording stage of her first full album.” Unfortunately, normal for her is annoying for Soobin.

“Yeah? Am I featuring on it?” He asks impatiently. She’s not supposed to be here this long. Pep talk, discuss the director’s notes, deliver news, make it snappy so the talent can have alone time. Soobin wrinkles his nose at the fifth picture of you in the same puke green cardigan.

“No, more than that.” Sakura says, her tone sneaky. Soobin drops his phone away from his face. His attention is now fully on her and it’s not to be a smart ass. He clenches his phone, trying not to expose what he’s concerned about. If she finds out how much he dreads another publicity stunt, she might accuse him of liking Jini again.

“It’s more like a duet than a feature. It’s a love song sung equally to each other. Think… “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”. It’s even upbeat like that song, I know how much you hate slow ones.” Sakura is in full on pitch mode, the one that hasn’t worked in the past four years.

“I never said I didn’t like slow songs…” His label scrapped every slow song for his upcoming project as a bandaid for his current cold streak. They never actually listen, just throw money or half-assed solutions said with flowery language.

“Please pay attention.” Sakura says, as if threatening him with her anxiety coming back, completely unaware that he prefers it. “You have to get to know her to get on that song.” She drives her finger into her palm to emphasize the last four words.

“Why do I have to get to know her? Just have my people reach out to her people–” Soobin feels like ice was dumped down his back as the realization hits him. He tosses his phone behind him, not even checking if it landed on the couch. He’s quick to protest before she could even pitch it. 

“No! Absolutely not!”

“You have to! –” Sakura nearly dives to grab Soobin before he slides away.

“Did she already agree to it? Tell her to forget about it, I’m not fucking doing that again.” Soobin shakes his head furiously, upset by even the thought of going through this all over again.

“We…” Sakura sighs, this time he could hear the stress seeping into her body. “We didn’t tell her because… we don’t plan on telling her. We have no choice! She only makes music based on real passion and emotion–” She attempts to rush it out, desperate despite knowing he’s going to immediately decline.

“What the fuck?! Are you guys crazy?! No way in hell I’m doing that!” Soobin has made peace with the fact that he’s just not doing this, made evident by the fact he’s not even putting energy into his response. 

“Look, if it’s Jini’s sex appeal that you liked…” Sakura looks down at the photo of you, reacting loudly in disappointment, “we can find women to scratch that itch behind the scenes. As maaaany as you’d like!” Sakura presents the offer like she just offered him the garden of Eden, and not women paid to suck his dick. 

“I don’t give a fuck about Jini’s sex appeal.” Soobin deadpans. 

“Well then what did you like about her?!” Sakura’s arms slam down at her sides exasperatedly. He can see that rope oh-so close to snapping. It’s not his problem, though, and he’s about to watch his favorite show as soon as she leaves. Soobin walks closer to Sakura with a shit-eating grin, ready to nip this in the bud. 

“There was no part of Jini I enjoyed perceiving. Tell that to your bosses, too.” Soobin snickers, walking to grab his phone.

This has Sakura inhaling until her chest is fully puffed out before exclaiming, “When are you going to stop being a fucking brat?! Do you not realize you’re about to be kicked from the label?! Wake the fuck up and treat this like a job for once instead of throwing tantrums like a man child!”

Soobin is stunned into silence, staring at a heaving Sakura like a deer caught in headlights. He considers the threat. His company was shilling out money to him in order to keep morale high, but it’s been too long since he’s made money to pay that back. Of course he’s on thin ice. He has nightmares about that dreaded meeting once a week. 

“She said she’s thinking of trashing the track unless she can find someone she has chemistry with in the booth or in real life. There will be artists lined up who can deliver on the temporary chemistry.”

Just a drop of dread stirs in his chest as he weighs his options. He could… start acting. He could make YouTube videos or TikToks. He could start some sort of brand. He’d even consider a sex tape before this because it’s a bad fucking idea. Jini doesn’t have the most spotless reputation but even their “breakup” got people speculating if Soobin was a shitty boyfriend and person. If you, someone he’s only heard annoying praise about, released a song detailing his deceit and your heartbreak, he’d be finished.

Either way, if he goes through another fake relationship he thinks he may quit once and for all.

Sakura groans through a sigh at his stunned silence. 

“Despite what you might think, I know you. So I didn’t want to even tell you this unless shit got dire.” Sakura’s serious tone with the remorse in her eyes makes Soobin wish she was trying too hard to be cool again. 

“Since you refuse to cooperate, the CEO said the only other way for you not to be kicked out and blacklisted to hell is if you marry his daughter. You heard me right. You’ll be buying the ring, and Mr. Cheon will be expecting nothing less than the best for his daughter’s proposal. So get ready to save money on the best venue you can find. And that’s all before the wedding.” Sakura’s remorse turns bitter as she narrows her eyes at him. The dread has now spread, constricting his chest painful as his hairline starts to perspire. He wipes at it angrily, glaring at his manager. She’s fought well throughout his whole career, but it’s clear now she’s done.

Soobin glances clambers frantically for his phone, opening the app and refreshing. 

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

“Drinks for everybody!” Yeonjun shouts as Soobin hands his credit card to the bartender. People flock over, ordering from the top shelf and glancing at him cheekily as if he’ll find it funny. He’s not sure whose party this is, but they’ve got a beautiful bar and nice big room for entertaining guests. The bartender hands back his card with an eye-crinkling smirk. Soobin returns it as he yanks his card from his hand.

Soobin declines a call for the fifteenth time since he took his card back. He checks the number, refreshes, checks again. The caller has resorted to texting which he quickly dismisses, as they block his view. The notification that drops down is nearly swept away before Soobin’s thumb freezes. He clicks the notification, eyeing your username at the top of his notifications tab. 

His phone dings, indicating another. 

___: Hi!! Omg I’m so excited that you fol…

Soobin quickly taps the message just as it recedes and is replaced by another call. He curses under his breath as the timer on the call ticks away. He hesitantly brings it up to his ear. 

“Soobin?? Hello?”

“Heeey girl! How are you doing?” He says with unconvincing casualty. 

“Don’t hey girl me! What are you doing right now?” She pauses, clearly hearing the blaring music. “Are you at a party?! I thought we agreed we were taking a break from those!”

“I’m fine! I’m a grown man!” He argues back.

“What part of being a grown man has to do with your spending habits? Why don’t you just go home early-”

“What? No. I’m already here, I already spent the money.”

“Yeah? And am I to believe Daniel Choi isn’t going to cart you and a group of people out to a second location that will have you spending more money?”

Soobin halts his response. How the hell did she know Yeonjun was here?

“Yeonjun isn’t even here.”

“Is that right?” Her tone illustrates very plainly that she doesn’t believe him, so he doesn’t even respond.

“Well, I’ll just trust you to make the right choice. Goodnight, Soobin.”

She hangs up before he can respond. He sighs, hoping he can keep that promise. But five shots later, he’s in Yeonjun’s Rolls Royce Phantom, speeding toward a casino. The place offering winnings none of them need, even the most beggarish among them. He blasts his own music in the car, giving Soobin a headache. 

He looks to his left then his right, finding people whose public persona differs greatly from what he’s seen. And that’s just counting today. Sunmi catches him staring, a half smile forming on her face. She slides her hand on his thigh with her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. This is a woman he developed a crush on at seven years old. Teenage him would be absolutely elated right now. However, he could feel the heat in his stomach snuff out as fast as it was ignited. 

The idea of being around celebrities hasn’t been shiny and appealing for years now. They all just talk about the same shit and do the same shit. The shit in question never being going for a bike ride or playing video games. It’s always this. 

Yeonjun goes straight for the poker table, most of his lackeys following behind. Their pupils are dilated, eyelids cracked so far open you’d think they’re taped back. Soobin searches for another drink, ending up at the bar. 

“Aw… why are you sulking, Binnie?” The bartender slides him his usual order. There’s not even enough noise to drown out his thoughts. Either Yeonjun had the building hurriedly cleaned out just before he got here or he planned to rent out the floor in advance. The latter pisses him off, considering he’s told Yeonjun so many times he’s watching his spending and he never briefs Soobin on plans such as this.

“Not in a partying mood.”

“Not in a spending mood?” Baekho cracks a brow, which Soobin glances at. He doesn’t answer. What’s the point of even saying it now?

“Look, all your drinks are on me today okay.” Baekho reaches over the bar to pat Soobin’s shoulder.

“Very funny.” Whenever Yeonjun buys out the floor, the casino includes all drinks in the price. Baekho looks proud of his joke, patting Soobin’s shoulder twice more.

His financial manager would be proud, as he did end up slipping away early. It was depressing, though. Leaving the lively building into the stormy night. He sits just outside where he’s sheltered from the rain. He slips out his phone, thumb hovering over his bank app. Instead he opens Instagram, finally opening your DM.

___: Hi!! Omg I’m so excited that you followed me back! I’m a huge fan.

Soobin cracks a crooked smile, narrowing his eyes at his screen.

page.soobin: ur a big fan of me? thats… surprising

He lingers outside, inhaling the scent of wet pavement as the rain slowly starts to clear up. He looks out into the many lights littering the horizon as he waits for you to answer. After what feels like too long for you not to have seen it, he looks at his screen. 

3 am… of course you haven’t answered.

He orders an uber, locking his phone and slipping it into his pocket.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Hearing Sakura’s signature knock actually strikes a little fear in him for the first time. She’s come far too frequently in the past few weeks, badgering him for an answer. Thankfully he’s up this early, or– thankfully he never went to sleep. He checks the time, 7 am. Just then, a notification from you pops up. Eugh, an early riser.

___: Of course! I’ve been following you since you were in Naekkeo Crew

Your response catches him so off guard he forgets Sakura is outside until she knocks again.

“Coming.” He shouts, hurrying to the door. She rushes in, looking sweaty. 

“The director wants you to arrange a meeting with his daughter ASAP.” She says, out of breath.

“What?! But I still haven’t–”

“Thursday is her favorite day. Her favorite color is emerald and it has to be that specific hue of green or else she’ll be too disgusted to speak with you. Also, her birth year is the year of the rabbit so she expects a pet rabbit upon meeting her. A pure, expensive breed. But not harlequins because they’re ugly.”

“What? What– Sakura. Sakura, please, this doesn’t make sense.” Soobin reaches out for her, grabbing both of her arms and looking at her with pleading eyes. 

“You’re taking too long.” She yanks her arms away, shaking her head. “I can’t help you anymore.”

“Just give me a chance–”

“We gave you a chance.”

“There’s still time!”

“It’s too late.”

“It’s not.” Soobin says sternly, holding his hands up for her to just give him a minute. 

“What makes you say that?” Sakura pauses, intrigued by the look on her face. Soobin grabs his phone, looking at the DM again. Despite rereading the message a few more times, the words refuse to soak in. Naekkeo Crew… he hasn’t heard that name in years. His eyes demagnetize from the screen and he remembers where he is, what’s at stake.

He faces the phone toward her. Sakura’s face slowly melts into insidious excitement.

“Yes… Yes! This is perfect. Oh, Soobin!” She bounces in excitement. Soobin can’t bring himself to celebrate, but this is good. Well, it’s not. But it is! Soobin exhales through pursed lips. What’s good for now is that he doesn’t have to meet with Tsuki.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

page.soobin: is that so? wow, you really are a big fan then

___: Yeah, haha. Sorry if it was weird how I reached out. I just thought I’d let you know.

Soobin’s head thuds against the back of his couch. If he does neither, gets kicked out, is that really the end of the world? He could look for another agency, he wasn’t a big fan of this one anyway. Most of them probably suck for the same reasons, though, and he probably wouldn’t figure it out until he was already locked into a contract. And what if they’re not bluffing about blacklisting him? He could go independent, reach back out to Taehyun for help. But then he’d have to admit Taehyun was right.

His head is starting to hurt just thinking about leaving Pacific. He cracks his fingers one by one as he stares at nothing, letting his brain chug.

He could give up and move back in with his parents. His hands grasp blindly for his phone.

page.soobin: not at all, I find myself kinda intrigued by you to be honest

___: You? Intrigued by me??

page.soobin: ya… I mean you are the person with 16 Grammys?

___: Yeah, but you’re Soobin. I mean, if you called me by just my first name people wouldn’t know who you were talking about. But all you need to say is “Soobin” and BOOM. People think of Sutures or Goodwill or Nothin’ Can Stop Me.

The corner of Soobin’s mouth quirks up.

___: Even if someone doesn’t know your face or your name, they probably know your music.

page.soobin: didn’t you write like a shit ton of big songs?

___: No one knows they’re my songs. They’re a Chuu song, or a Taeyeon song, or a Jini song.

___: oh shit sorry

page.soobin: it’s fine, she’s a huge star and you guys have a history of sorts. it makes sense why you brought her up lol

Your embarrassingly quick response time halts suddenly. You’re probably banging your head against a wall or something, so it looks like he’ll have to take the reins again.

page.soobin: a lot of artists owe some of their success to you, you should be proud

___: Believe me, I am. It still shocks me every day that my work is this appreciated and praised

Soobin finds himself cringing. He can hear the way you said that, something about it feels so pompous. 

page.soobin: what are you, giving an acceptance speech

___: ??? 😭😭😭

page.soobin: nvm, are you working on something new?

___: Oh! I’m surprised you haven’t heard.

He drops his phone into his lap in favor of running his hands over his face. His leg bounces as annoyance crawls under his skin and sinks into his flesh. He just can’t help this feeling you give him. It started when a meeting about him was derailed because they couldn’t stop gushing about the genius of that “young writer-slash-producer on the scene”. Back then most people didn’t know what you looked like, it wasn't just Soobin. 

You’re absolutely correct with your analysis of your fame. Maybe some people know you by name but no one in their right mind would describe you as a household name. Hell, if someone posted you to stan twitter they’d probably ask who’s manager you were. But he can feel it. Not that he’s an expert, everyone can feel it. The aura surrounding you, your name, your work. It started to spark when a demo you made for Jini was leaked. It ignited when you started releasing your own music. Everyone is starting to feel the heat from your growing flame.

___: My manager said he’d put word out for any male singers interested in a duet track. I thought that was a crazy thing to do instead of just asking people I know. I expected maybe one or two, then I’m having these mega famous singers approach me at parties and events. Nearly everywhere I go, if celebrities are there, a different person is requesting to feature on the track.

Biting at his cuticles, Soobin debates on whether your block of text is more annoying or worrying. 

page.soobin: that’s crazy! it’s ALL crazy famous people? no small artists at all?

___: It feels weird saying it… but I’m always surrounded by big people talking about my next project. I don’t think smaller artists could even find an opening to do so.

God, no one told him this. Or he just doesn’t remember… Either way, they didn’t explain how dire the situation is now. He’s gotta move fast. There’s no way he’s the only famous asshole attempting to manipulate you. 

The DMs have halted because of some volunteer thing you do every Wednesday. Rolling his eyes again would be redundant, so instead he rested them. Not before leaving his number for you.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Soobin blinks a few times, trying to blink the inky darkness away. He sits up, feeling as though he’s swimming with the lack of light. He eventually finds his phone and uses the flashlight to navigate to the blinds. Opening them offers no surprising information. He’s wide awake at the dead of night again. Having a concrete objective is helpful, but not when the girl he's seducing races the sun to bed.

Okay… getting to know you isn’t the only thing he has to get done. As soon as he attempts to list them his mind goes blank. He tries again, just for a hazy image of his bank account slowly draining distracts him. No, he has to focus. Third time’s the charm, he thinks. He prays. He has to…

Just then, the thought of a balance so low that only cents are dwindling away shakes him. It’s so vivid that he almost convinces himself it’s real. Checking won’t hurt, he feels like he’ll pass out if he doesn’t check. His trembling thumbs hovers over the screen as the app loads for what feels like hours.

Upon the app finally loading, the dreadful feeling refuses to go away. His account looks normal like always. Maybe not what one expects from someone with a net worth of forty million, but it’s perfectly fine. His heart, though, continues to hammer against his chest almost painfully. And his stomach continues this falling sensation, it all makes him want to throw up. He sits back on his couch, looking into the abyss of his half-empty, dim living room. 

Just around the time his brain goes pleasantly numb, his phone vibrates in his hand. Judging by the custom vibration, it’s a text. Are you awake at this hour? He flips his phone over and taps the screen.

Daniel Choi Yeonjun u up? 

“Tch,”

So much for taking a break from partying.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Soobin glances at Yeonjun’s message as if it will help his decision. Forget about which color he should wear, is he actually going to this? He’s still confused about whether his lack of sex recently was a conscious decision or out of fear of the truth. 

He eyes the dark blue shirt in his left hand, and the orange shirt in his right. No matter how many times he’s tried it, orange is tempting… but dark blue is what’s sure to get him off. Plus, dark blue is his color. Despite his reasoning, he debates the entire journey there if it was the correct choice. Soobin checks the shirt of Yeonjun who’s next to him as he enters the house. He can’t remember what light blue was or if it was even one of the options. They’re here now, so it doesn’t matter. He clears his throat, straightening out his shirt as they stand within the crowd in front of a platform.

A house this obnoxious could only belong to one person. There are no normal lights, just shifting hues of blue and purple. Soobin wonders if that defeats the purpose of colored shirts if lights alter the hues, then gets distracted by fog pooling around everyone else’s feet. Others seem to notice too, reacting gleefully like children. Hopefully they’re just excited, because no one with their net worth should be impressed by something so basic.

“Hello everybody!” Jackson Wang shouts, snapping everyone’s attention to him in an instant. Cheers erupt from the crowd as he grips the mic stand, giving everyone an intense stare as if he’s about to perform. Perform, he does. Nearly at every event he hosts his aura is so contagious and not for lack of trying. Even Soobin is feeling goosebumps erupt over his skin in anticipation. 

“I’m so happy to see so many familiar faces. Some we haven’t seen in a while, some we see every time.” His pointed gaze turns in Soobin's direction. He immediately feels guilty for something he didn’t do. He’s never been to one of these, with the shit he gets up to he might as well have but the point still stands.

“Daniel Choi everybody!!” He draws out the end of the word as Yeonjun pumps his fists triumphantly. Featured prominently among the cheering are distinctly women’s shrieks of joy. 

“Before we get to the fun–” The crowd is filled with playful aw’s and boo’s before Jackson brings them back down, “I know, I know! But I know some of you already forgot the colors and what they mean. I mean, how else are you gonna find your corresponding playmate?” The crowd laughs at his… joke? No doubt everyone is so ready to rip their clothes off that they’re giggly. Soobin even finds himself laughing. Jackson pulls out a laminated sheet of paper as he waits for it to die down. 

“First off, anyone in white is an exhibitionist. You’ll be looking for anyone dressed in black, those are your voyeurs. White shirts can either have fun by themselves or grab another exhib to join the fun. Remember, you won’t be able to see the voyeur, but they are watching.” He explains that they each have designated rooms with a door that is their assigned color as the crowd chatters gleefully. 

“Green is for costumes and roleplay. So greens, if you stumble into a random room and there’s a huge costume chest? You don’t need to check, that’s your room. Now, all my beautiful people in red? If you see someone in dark blue, that’s your dom.” He explains like a camp counsellor briefing campers on safe sex. Soobin casts a curious glance, able to spot some with a bright enough red, but others are hard to see. Judging by the confused looks on other people’s faces, they feel the same. “Don’t worry, the lights will come up in a second.” Jackson assures, mumbling afterwards about skipping the colored lights next time. That seems to satisfy everyone else, but Soobin is still looking around. No one is really catching his eye. He picks his cuticles, preparing in advance for a poor performance.

“Our next colors are orange and light blue. If you’re in orange, you’re a dude looking for two ladies or a lady looking for another lady and a dude. Our light blues switch it up with an MMF threesome. So if you’re looking for a little sausage party, search for your fellow light blues. The real party animals are in yellow, and for you guys? The orgy starts in twenty minutes.” He points out everyone in yellow, each person beaming with pride in response. “We used to do the kink and off-limits wristbands, but you guys are adults. Talk to each other.” He unzips his brown jacket slowly, holding his playful reproach with the crowd. With a quick motion he fully opens his jacket, revealing his yellow shirt like it’s Superman’s S to rapturous cheers.

The lights come up as Jackson hops from the platform, being consumed into the crowd. Soobin glances at Yeonjun’s light blue shirt and back up at him cautiously. 

“Why did you invite me to this again?” Yeonjun doesn’t invite Soobin to anything without an ulterior motive. People sort of associate them with each other. This led to them being frequent collaborators or invited in tandem to events and television appearances. You’d think they were bandmates or something, but no. In reality, they were discovered in similar ways, got famous around the same time, and have similar audiences. Now people assume they’re best friends, which is another reason Soobin assumes Yeonjun carts him around. Their “close bond” is a big part of both of their brands. Even if Soobin didn’t hate his guts, he still wouldn’t have sex with him, though.

“Don’t worry, buddy, I don’t want to have sex with you. I brought you because Nayeon wouldn’t come without her plus one, and her plus one wouldn’t come unless someone hot was guaranteed to be here.” Yeonjun barely pays attention to Soobin as he explains why he’s here, instead craning his head to look for someone. That someone is unsurprisingly Nayeon, who approaches in a skin tight, light blue polo dress. The strands of hair framing her face fall away as she angles her head back to smile at Yeonjun. Once she’s close enough, she toys with the buttons of his polo shirt.

“I was looking for you…” She pouts, plucking one open, then two, “Have you picked someone?” Her eyes wander to Soobin, starting at his crotch and crawling up to his face. Oof, Yeonjun at least picked someone good. She eye fucks him once she realizes who he is. His tongue swipes across his bottom lip, taking his turn to check out her body. The way she pokes out her ass is so deliciously self aware. She seemingly notices his shirt color at that moment, gasping excitedly. 

“Jihyo! Jihyo, get over here!” She looks over her shoulder, flailing her hand that’s not grasping Yeonjun’s shirt in that direction. From behind a small group emerges, surely enough, Park Jihyo. Who better to pair up with two loosely associated soloists than two rightfully associated ones. Childhood friends turned pop stars. Despite being older, Jihyo and Nayeon are newer to the scene. Solely due to not being shoved into the spotlight as teens like Soobin and Yeonjun.

Soobin can’t help noticing that her shirt is warping to… compensate, and that it’s dark blue. Yeonjun snorts, causing Nayeon to laugh. 

“He’s the plus one. What do you think?” Nayeon feigns curiosity, tapping her chin. Jihyo copies her friend, crossing her arms and tapping her foot. 

“I dunno,” She reaches over and pinches his bicep. Soobin allows it, watching her amusedly. “could be bigger.” She shrugs, sizing him up, offering a challenge. 

“You haven’t seen big yet.” Soobin smirks, eyes slowly raking down to her chest. “Or maybe you have.”

Jihyo’s jaw drops, looking shocked but impressed. “So the rumors are true?” She shimmies her skirt higher, eyes lingering on his crotch. He doesn’t miss how they flit towards his shirt. 

“Looks like one of us has to change.” Soobin closes in on her, enjoying the way her eyes become so doll-like as she looks up at him. 

Back in one of the bedrooms, the two of them strip each other’s shirts off through a blur of lips and tongues. Without their shirts, there are no more explicit labels signaling how they want to be seen. Just what they have to show for it. They pull apart to grin at each other, kneeling on the bed and waiting for the other to strike. 

Soobin takes the opportunity to examine her in just her skirt. He guesses he’s attracted to her. She’s attractive, and her breasts are fucking phenomenal. But… 

He sighs as he feels the arousal slowly drain from his body. 

“What’s wrong?”

His eyes stay trained on her breasts, refusing to meet her eyes. In doing so a lightbulb turns on in his brain. He pushes her down to the bed, ordering her to hold her legs up. Both his hands latch onto her breasts to squeeze and massage until he gets hard. Noticing her start to get impatient, he leans down to swirl his tongue over her nipple. A contented sigh floats from her mouth as her hands smooth over her legs. He reaches down, expecting to push her panties to the side, but feels nothing but her warm mound. She gasps lightly and he almost looks up at her. That should get him riled up… it should.

“Get that pussy nice and wet for me.” He brings his middle finger up to his lips and licks a salacious stripe up the digit. Still focusing on her boobs means he can’t see her face, but he feels her body melt. He uses his finger to massage her lips, pushing in slightly to rub her clit. He hears her head hit the pillows.

He’s not off the hook for overthinking yet. Minutes into thrusting into her his brain floats away from the situation. He clenches his eyes shut, trying to think about how naughty he’s being. He came to a sex party, is sleeping with a stranger. She wasn’t wearing a bra or any underwear. He saw her tits and her pussy. This is lewd, it’s nasty, it’s not just is cock pushing in and out of a meaningless wet pocket.

Manifesting does nothing. He does feel like his useless organ is going in and out of her useless organ. He tries to focus on how tight it is, the warmth–

“You’re so fucking big!” She purrs as she rakes her nails down his torso. Nope. Definitely not. 

He sighs, quietly this time. Thankfully her eyes are screwed shut or she’d see how out of it he is. 

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Daniel Choi Yeonjun where tf are u? jihyo’s looking 4 u

Soobin immediately squashes the guilt that crops up. He made her cum, there are plenty of people there for her to screw. He doesn’t owe her anything, and he definitely doesn’t owe Yeonjun anything. Luckily he drove here so he didn’t have to tuck his tail between his legs, waiting outside for his uber like a lost dog. And luckily he’s out of there. He should’ve known better. His financial manager was right, no more parties for good. 

He glances at his watch as he steps through the door.

2:13 am

He was only there for an hour? He tosses his phone on the couch with a groan. He sets his keys in the dish by the door and kicks his shoes off. So much for killing time. He stares at his empty living room, waiting for the feeling in the pit of his stomach to go away.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Hours of Sword Art Online seems to have done its job. His eyes slowly crack open only to be immediately blinded. The sliver of sun between his bedroom curtains singes his eyes. He blocks it with his hand, sitting up in his bed. His text tone sounds and he rubs his hands over his face. Probably Yeonjun bitching about him leaving ruining Yeonjun’s night and yada yada yada.

He grabs his phone anyway, realizing it could be you. A nagging red bubble reading 1,806 hovers above the Messages app just to mock him.

Lee Sunmi: Attachment: 1 Image Yoon Bomi: I think so Kim Doyoung: Website: TikTok • Tony St… Choi Yena: off to the airport <3 YooA Siah: Will I see you in Soho 👀 Daniel Choi Yeonjun: nayeon left early yesterday because… Kang Hyewon: don’t worry about it~ +6045559608: … were you interested? +0108273555: is this soobin?? Hani Heeyeon: Hey! How’s it going?

God, he should hire someone to clean out his messages. He only really talks to three people here. One of these unknown numbers must be you. He tries the first one.

+6045559608: Hey! This is ___.

+6045559608: Remember that duet song I told you about?

+6045559608: … were you interested?

Soobin tosses the covers off of him, sliding to the edge of the bed. This is it! Man, the one time Sakura isn’t banging on his door. All he’d have to do is show her this and he would be golden. He can’t fuck this up. God, he has to keep up the lie that he had no clue about it beforehand, too. He threads his hands through his hair and stares at his feet. 

Think, fucking think.

“Fuck it.”

Soobin: How about we meet up?

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

That hue of green is still horrendous through the tint of his sunglasses. You watch confusedly as lowers and raises his sunglasses over and over, debating which version is uglier. You clear your throat. 

“Um, about the song, I know it’s weird but I don’t want to record right away.” The tired drone in your voice indicates that you’ve gotten shit for sticking to your guns. “I want to really have that depth behind the song, especially because whoever I choose will write their own verse. I don’t want this to be another soulless cash grab with a throwaway verse, sung by me and someone I chose based on fame alone.” You rush out your explanation before he could pretend to be confused.

Soobin snorts, peering at you over the frame of his sunglasses, “Like Agassi?”

You sputter, outstretching your arms like the gesture will stop the anger you assume he’s feeling. Your face this entire time has been laughably sincere. There is no room for a manufactured image. Your earnest eyes and anxious lip bite make sure of that.

“No, no, no! That’s a cute song, really.” You assure him. He quirks up an eyebrow.

“Cute?”

“Well…” You shrug. Of course miss writer-producer extraordinaire is an expert on good music.

“Well what?” He asks, amused as he crosses his arms and reclines in the uncomfortable plastic stool. You sip your coffee, your eyes landing on anything but him. 

“It’s… a little empty. But it’s pleasant! And catchy!” You snap on that last descriptor, pointing at him like that drives the “compliment” home. He scoffs, eyes drawn to your cardigan again. 

“I was on your Insta… you wear that cardigan a lot.” He over-enunciates the “a lot” to a very petty degree. It’s your turn to scoff. You tongue your cheek, your head drops down for a moment. When you look back up you look worryingly somber. 

“It’s um… it’s actually my late mother’s.” You croak out, facing the ceiling to prevent tears from spilling. The smugness is ripped straight from Soobin’s body and dread is shoved in its place. What has he done?! This time he’s reaching out to you.

“Really? I’m so sorry–”

“Nope!” You drop your head back down to face him, a shit eating grin gracing your features. Soobin sucks his teeth, lamenting over his wasted alarm. You chuckle, your shoulders bouncing. He can’t help but laugh as well. You insult one of his biggest songs and baits him into guilt all in one sitting. Most people he meets wouldn’t dare. Especially fans. 

“I made this with my own blood sweat and tears, baby.” You kiss the sleeve of it like it’s a trophy. 

“You made it?” He leans forward, incredulity and a little disgust evident on his face. 

“If you spent months making something, you’d wear it all the time too.” You raise your mug toward him before knocking it back. 

“So you chose that color?

You look down at it, still swallowing coffee. “Yeah?”

“You chose to make a puke green cardigan?” He says, exasperated with your logic. 

“Pu–! This is olive green.” You change your voice when you say it as if it’ll encourage him to see it. When met with an unconvinced expression, you change the subject.

“Look. I’m not looking to get married. I just need the person to sit with me to make a truly cohesive and compelling track.” You explain confidently, your raised eyebrows seemingly asking if he’s game or not. If he’s honest, you’re still very much annoying, but you’re more down to Earth than he expected. Though, if he asked you about it, you’d probably say it was because of yoga or something. He grits his teeth.

“Tell me more about the song.”

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Soobin shuts his eyes as he laughs along with you. He cracks one open just to monitor you a little more. He’s pretty sure he’s in. Not only were you a fan of Naekkeo Crew, but you only followed them for him. 

“It’s fitting he’s a horrible YouTuber now. I understand he was a kid back then, but I was too. Beomgyu was so fucking annoying.” You cover your mouth, lowering your volume as you drop the curse word. It takes everything in Soobin not to react in exaggerated shock at your no-no word. 

“Oh he was annoying in real life, too. He wasn’t that much younger than me but he made me feel mature.”

You settle, smacking your lips as you reminisce. “Mark Tuan is doing his musical thing I guess, but what about Jay? Jihoon? Do you keep up with any of them?”

“God no.” Soobin is not even sorry for crushing your dreams so quickly, but he doesn’t even like the thought of keeping up with them. 

“I don’t blame you.”

Your words catch him off guard, looking up to see your expression matches his own contempt. 

“I don’t know much about what happened in reality, but it just seemed like they were so cruel to you.”

“Cruel?” Soobin cringes at the perception of him. 

“Maybe cruel is a strong word. They always played mean spirited pranks on you and they’d make fun of you for not being meatheads like them. I don’t know… I just felt like they always singled you out.” You look down at your coffee, most likely because of the intense expression on Soobin’s face. Once he realizes, he squeezes his eyes shut. 

“The other fans found it funny, but I always hated it. So yeah, I wouldn’t contact them either.” You laugh awkwardly. “Sorry, I–”

“Don’t apologize.” He assures. “They did suck.” He narrows his eyes, trying to get a new read on you. All he finds are big, hopeful eyes and a soft smile. No one’s ever told him that before. You break eye contact to glance at your tiny watch, held in place by a skinny brown band. 

“Oh! I’ve got to go, but this was really fun.” You smile, and he catches that earnestness in your eyes again. The kind he doesn’t see in many people who speak to him. “I was hoping to see you again? On a Monday?” You turn slightly, a cheeky look on your face as you reference the busy schedule you briefed him on earlier. 

He tilts his head down to hide his triumphant smile, quickly wiping it away before facing you again. “Sounds perfect.”

“Really? Do you have any plans for this coming Monday?” You say as you pack your purse back up. Bold of you to assume he has a packed schedule. He’ll be either rotting in bed or staring at the wall in his living room.

“Schedule’s all clear.” He gives you a pressed smile.

txt masterlist

mosquito masterlist

[somanyratsinthewalls]

2 Years Later (+18)

2 Years Later (+18) (Zoro x Reader)

Summary: You finally decide it's time to tell Zoro how you feel. Too bad he's a fucking idiot.

Pairing: Zoro x afab!reader

WC: 1500 OPE

Ageless Blogs and Minors DNI you WILL be blocked immediately

TW: angst, hate sex, vaginal sex, fingering, oral sex, romance, pining, pet names, once again so much plot with also porn, idk help!

“Stupid, stupid, stupid…” 

Zoro muttered to himself as he firmly rapped his head on the back of the wall he was sitting against. He was out on the deck staring towards the bow of the Sunny, leaning up his back against the wall to the galley. How could he be such a fool? He hadn’t seen you in 2 years and he wasted the sweet moment of your reunion by accusing you of sleeping with someone you had met during your time away from everyone. Zoro let those insecurities of not be able to find you or protect you bubble up to the surface and he came off as an asshole instead of someone who deeply cares about you. Loves you, even… 

But now here he was, alone, physically thrown out of your room and not daring to return. He couldn’t believe he wasted his big chance to confess and made you hate him in the process…

— 12 hours before The Fight — 

Your stomach was in knots, couldn’t believe you were really about to see your crewmates again after 2 years. Everyone had been through so much, and so had you. You snapped out of your anxious thoughts and hitched up your backpack and made your way into the market on Sabaody. 

You heard him before you saw him, the sound of his deep voice clearly frustrated with whoever he was talking with. You heard it in the marketplace and instinctively whipped around to see a pair of broad shoulders and the sparkle of 3 earrings above his left one. You flew towards him and instinctively wrapped your arms around his strong back, not missing how much larger he had become. 

“What the hell? Why are-“ Zoro looked down, he knew those arms. Your arms, the ones he wished so often to place kisses on their soft skin… the ones he imagined gripping his biceps as he plowed into you… 

“Y/n?”  

Zoro din’t hug you back, but you didn’t expect him to. It wasn’t his style. You didn’t care, you liked him that way. But of course… you’d never tell him that…

— 2 hours before The Fight —

You were so excited to see everyone again, but also excited to celebrate with them. Your evening was filled with lots of delicious food and tons of booze. You gaze across the table at Zoro, catching his eye before he looked down at his glass. Now that he was no longer staring at you, he realized it was empty and rose from his stool to refill his cup. Maybe it was the alcohol or the endorphins in your brain from seeing your friends after so long, but you thought tonight would be the night you tell Zoro how you really feel. You rise from your own chair and follow him into the kitchen. You sauntered in and found your swordsman pouring himself another hefty glass of liquor. 

“Some things never change, huh.” The words came out far more sultry than you expected, perhaps it was the booze talking. 

“Hmm,” he smirked and lightly chuckled. “I could say the same to you, you haven’t exactly stayed sober all night.”

You laughed at his remark and sidled up to him putting your glass on the table next to his, gesturing to pour one for you as well.  He silently nodded and poured you a large shot in your cup. You looked into each others eyes, and without breaking contact clinked your glasses together. You both take your drinks and you wince. He doesn’t. 

“Come to my room tonight, Zoro. I have to talk to you about something.”

His eyes blew wide. What did you need to talk to him about? Had you met someone on your journeys? Were you going to break it to him that you were leaving the crew and running off with some pirate blow hard and nev-?

“Zoro?” You prompted him when he didn’t respond.

“Hmm? Uh. Yeah. I can do that.”

“Right. See you later then.” You smiled at him and returned to the festivities. Leaving him in the kitchen alone again. He poured himself another drink. He was going to need it.  

— The Fight — 

You paced in your room. You brushed your hair out, applied your favorite perfume, it was going to be perfect. Still imbued with a little liquid courage, you knew this was the moment you were finally going to tell Zoro how you feel. You had so much time over the past 2 years to think about your feelings for him.

He wasn’t the kind of man many women would fawn over. Of course he was handsome, but he had his quirks. Very little went though the brain rattling around under his green hair other than the thought of becoming the world’s greatest swordsman. But still, he always made a point to check in with you during hard battles, more than he did with anyone else. It was those little things he did that sparked your romantic feelings for him 

*knock knock* he didn’t wait for a response, since the knob turned immediately following the second knock. He gingerly peaked his head in the door, “Y/n?”

“Hi Zoro, you can come in.” 

He walked in and you sat down on your bed and patted the space next to you for him to sit. 

“I prefer to stand.” He responded nervously. What the hell had gotten into him? He had sat next to you on your bed so many times before while you sharpened your blades together. He was so comfortable then, so strange now… What had happened to the laid back swordsman you knew? Had it really been that long?

“ok…” you started. Figuring you were in for a penny, in for a pound on this confession thing, you might as well do it. It was eating you alive. “Zoro… I know you and I care about each other, but it’s just been so long…” You were stumbling over your words, unable to meet his gaze. “Um.. and I’ve had so much time away from you… and I just can’t help that I just…”

“Who was it? Who is he?” Zoro raised his voice at you. He had never done that before in all your time sailing with him. You’d only even seen him do it at enemies or at Sanji during their fruitless arguments. 

“Zoro what-? What are you talking about? Who is who?” You heart started pounding even harder and there was a pit in your stomach forming. He was upset with you? You hadn’t even said anything yet!

“The man that you’re leaving us for! Isn’t that what you’re here to tell me? Try and let me down easy when you tell me you’ve found some pirate asshole boyfriend and you’re shoving off with him at dawn?”

You were stunned. What the hell was he talking about? You had nothing of the sort. You spent 2 years training with a vicious crew of bandits. He thought you were on vacation and getting laid?

You scoffed. “You’re so fucking unbelievable.”

“I’M unbelievable? You’re the one abandoning m- us for some filthy low life bastard!”

“You’re delusional! Zoro you really think you were the only one who trained miserably hard for 2 years to try and make this crew better? You think I would sacrifice my loyalty to this crew for ANYONE? You think while you all broke your backs getting stronger, I was on a beach somewhere getting fucked? How DARE you accuse me of that. I thought I knew you, Roronoa Zoro, clearly I was wrong. I had no idea you were so fucking insecure. Get out of my room.”

Tears started welling up in your eyes and threatening to spill over. Zoro looked up at you. He really had fucked up this time. 

“Y/n wait-“

“Fuck you Zoro.” You huffed out while you pushed him hard out of your room and slammed the door. 

— Currently —

Zoro continuously beat his head into the wall he was leaning against, trying to ignore his feelings. “Fucking, stupid, idiot, moron…” he punctuated each with a slap against the wall. On the last one he felt something cradle his head…

“Seis fleur..” 

 Robin’s hands acted as a barrier between Zoro’s head and the wall. 

“ You know this won’t help anything, swordsman.” Robin’s silky voice told Zoro off. “You need to go back down there and tell her how you really feel.” Her body appeared behind the mast in front of him. Her eyes were serious. 

Zoro acted like he had no idea what she was talking about, but acting was never his strong suit. 

“Just go. I don’t have time to hold both of your hands through all of this. You need to figure it our yourselves.”

Zoro realized what Robin was implying. She had already said something to you, clearly. He nodded and turned to face the hallway that included your door. He stood at your doorway for a few moments and took his last deep breaths before he opened the door without asking. 

Upon barging in, he could see you sitting at the edge of your bed in a robe sobbing. You were crying over him. It broke his heart into one thousands minuscule pieces.. how could he let this happen?  You saw him enter your room and you stood up to shove him out again. 

Zoro immediately fell to his knees. He pressed his face into the wooden floor of your bedrooom. He laid his white handled sword on the ground in front of him The cherished blade that Kuina had left for him... his last hope to enjoy a happy life...

“Y/n… I am here to do nothing but apologize." Zoro spoke with his forehead touching the wooden floorboards of your bedroom. “You have shown me nothing but grace and mercy, far more than I deserve. You are the light at the end of my tunnel. You are the song of the sea against my hard-worn ship. I have thought of nothing but you over these two years. I simply love you so much that my largest fear is that you find someone else. I’m so sorry. I am immature and insecure, you were right. The thought of anyone taking you away from me again…” Zoro wracked a violent sob… unlike anything you’ve ever hear from him… “I just… I love you…”

He was knelt, sobbing uncontrollably at your feet. Your heart was the fullest it had ever been. He had never shown anything like this as long as you've known him. You looked at his pathetic form around your legs. 

“Rise, Swordsman.” you firmly order.

Zoro took a few moments but eventually he raised his head and his body  to meet your gaze.

“Roronoa Zoro… my heart…” your gripped his jaw in your hand. “… has always belonged to you…”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. You felt the same way? This whole time? He had spent 2 years being insecure for no reason?

You grabbed his face and kissed him with fervor. He grabbed your torso and flipped you over onto your back. Zoro exhaled deeply and kissed down the side of your neck to the sides of your breast. His hands experimentally squeezed and kissed at your nipples as you sighed and squeaked under his touch. 

“Zoro I-“ You tried to get more out but he cut you off.

“Y/n let me make you mine forever, please.” 

“Oh- okay…” your were apprehensive at first but his hands felt like a warm, comforting hug every time he slid them up and down the sides of your torso. 

"Y/n.. I promise to make you feel good..."

"Zoro yes.. I trust you..."

He heard your affirmation and dove into your body like a man starved. He sloppily kissed and sucked at your nipples before he tore your panties off in one piece with his massively strong hand. You writhed underneath his touch as he slowly stroked his thumbs on the sides of your clit. 

“Zoro please.. it’s been so long…” You begged for him. Your pussy was so wet and aching that even oblivious Zoro could tell you needed help.

He heard you begging for him and instinctively latched his lips onto your clit. He saw it throbbing, he needed to relieve it. You gasped loudly as he brings you to the precipice of pleasure. “Oh my god? Zoro I can’t! It’s incredible, please!” You could hardly believe that this man of few words was bringing you such intense sexual pleasure.. He was sucking and touching your sex at just the right pace that had you gasping and gasping under his hands and mouth. 

“Zoro I promise I’m right there just a bit more PLEASE…” He heard your promise to him. His brain short circuited. All Zoro could think of was promising to make you cum. He craved the feeling of making you cum, he needed to know he was the man making you scream out in pleasure. 

“Please sweetheart, cum on my face for me?” He was a man of few words, but these were the ones that finally sent you over the edge. You screamed and folded your body into yourself as you came against his lips. After a few moments, you tried to catch your breath. 

“Zoro my love…” You choked out as you backed up and flopped against his chest. 

“My sweet love, please let me prove to you how much you mean to me.”

You looked up at him hovering above you. He had one eye. You wondered why. It wasn’t right to ask right now. What happened to your tender swordsman over the past 2 years? He hadn’t mentioned his injuries. You hadn’t mentioned the massive scar over your left knee. Tonight wasn’t the night. Tonight was the night he proved to you he was the only man for you. 

“okay…”

Zoro slipped off the rest of his clothes and resumed his position on top of you. He lined his cock up with your soaking entrance when he made eye contact. 

“tell me this is okay…”

You gazed up at him. His always serious eyes... eye... god, fuck who took it from him? Mihawk? The government? He stared right into your soul but you still had so much worry for him..

“Zoro… please… I need you inside of me now…” Zoro heard your plea and slowly pushed his fat cock head inside of your drenched pussy. You moaned out loud, finally feeling your swordsman inside of you. It was a few brief, strained moments before his cock was fully seated inside of you. He tried his hardest to not make a sound but as soon as he bottomed out he released a long, drawn out sigh. 

Zoro pulled his fat cock out of you at a painful pace, pushing it back in again. You eyes were slammed shut underneath him. “Baby please… I need more…” You whined, wanting more.

For the second time tonight he was told he was being too gentle. It was more than enough for him. Zoro grabbed your hips and spread them farther than he ever needed. His insecurity addled brain needed you to confirm his feelings before he could ever achieve release. 

“You are mine. Tell me you are mine.”

“Roronoa Zoro…” You stopped bucking your hips in need, You grabbed his face with your right hand, ignoring the sparce and short hunter-green facial hair that grew on his chin. “I want every part of you. I want to belong to you. You’re my everything, love.”

Zoro lost it. He grabbed your hips and slammed them into his with reckless abandon. 

“Zoro yes, more! It’s so good, just like that!” He was so fueled by your praise that he slammed into you like a jackhammer.  He made no moans, just heavy grunts and sighs, just like you imagined he would.

“Oh my god honey yes, please just exactly like that! A little bit more!” You were shrieking on his cock at this point, drool forming at the corners of your mouth, just chasing your high. Finally your orgasm ran through your body and you wracked your tremors on Zoro’s cock. 

“FUCK-“ you squeezed Zoro so hard with your gorgeous pussy that he pulled out too late and painted your clit and hole with his white slop. 

He collapsed on top of you, never experiencing such a powerful orgasm in his life, nuzzling his nose into the valley of your full breasts. 

“Tomorrow… love.. love you…”

And just light that, Zoro was asleep…

You laughed…

“Some things never change…”