#i will try again with more schools + internships + scholarships etc this summer

[kimmkitsuragi]

oh FUCK you google assistant

[angelicjadamv]

The story so far

One month after graduating high school in 2015 I was finally able to move away from my family. I was 18 and moved to California for college. Fortunately one of the scholarships I earned was accompanied by a summer program that started in the middle of the summer before fall semester. Shortly after settling in a safe, stable environment for the first time in my life I started to get better. A lot better at first. Then life happened, as it does, and 18 years of repressed trauma and abuse broke me. My nervous breakdown ruined my fall semester, I couldn't go to classes or take exams or function as a student anymore. Until this point, being an exceptional student was all I had and basically how I survived. My safe and stable environment now was dependant on maintaining a certain GPA, among other requirements I could no longer meet. I failed one of my main courses because I had a 0 on 2 exams, including the final. When I went home I was put on antipsychotics. Returning to campus for the 2016 spring semester, I attempted to seek more therapy. I wasn't successful in finding a good therapist (for me, therapy is a personal thing. Just because someone isn't a good therapist for me doesn't necessarily mean they are a bad therapist). I did continue to see my 2 psychiatrists (emergency and regular) often as they attempted to adjust my medication to find something that work. My agoraphobia worsened, I stopped sleeping, I could barely eat, I was manic one moment and dissociative the next, SH and suicidal ideation worsened. I was a burden to my friends and loved ones. I made it through this because I had a beautiful support system that I will forever be grateful for, but I ended up taking a leave of absence academically for my second semester, earning no credits and putting my scholarships at further jeopardy. I was allowed to stay on campus because it was clear I was dangerously unstable with no safe environment to return to and because I had incredible advocates looking out for me. I had realized that I wasn't going to get better in time to salvage my academic career and my life, and was mostly clueless as to how I would survive. I had had an internship in my field since I started college, but I earned basically no money. STEM internships aren't really made to be livable for undergrads, so I had mostly been working for experience in a field I would no longer be able to progress in. Bummer. My physical health had taken a huge dive for all of 2016. I basically always knew I was chronically ill, but I had been abused and gaslit my entire life to believe and act like I was fine, I was just a weak baby, I didn't know what real pain or suffering was, seizures were to be ignored, no I didn't have migraines or pinched nerves (um hello SCOLIOSIS), etc etc. And 2016 was the year my body finally started to break, so I knew "regular" jobs weren't going to be a viable option for me, at least not for long.

And thus I became a survival SW. I stayed in college for a final semester, because I didn't want to miss my friends, I loved my campus and didn't know where else to live, I still needed a lot of campus resources. I also kept my internship as long as I could, because I knew I would miss it for the rest of my life. I didn't really go to classes, again, because as much as a desperately wanted to and as much as my advisors moved heaven and earth to try to make it work for me, I couldn't handle it. I was finally able to find 2 great therapists who I started seeing regularly who actually knew how to diagnose and treat me, one at school and one outside. This is also when I met Daddy (Jace) online. After talking for what is probably a stupidly short time, we fell in love and started dating. This is honestly my first real relationship and time actually catching genuine feelings for someone, something that I hadn't thought I was capable of. Despite being happier than I had ever been in so many ways, my mental and physical health was still steadily declining. My migraines and pain were getting worse, I hadn't been able to eat normally in months and relied entirely on medication to eat or sleep at all. Many people recommended mmj at this point in my life, but I was afraid of how it would interact with my other meds. I only smoked occasionally at parties at this point (because no way was I spending my super duper limited money on weed). I wonder if medicating with something that actually worked well for me, like weed, would have allowed me to finish college. Oh well I guess. Because of my inability to attend classes, I had to take another leave for the fall semester 2016. I worked at a strip club briefly, but my health couldn't handle it for long.

I didn't want to go home for the first winter break in 2015, but campus closed and I had nowhere else to go. It was turbulent. When summer 2016 came, I still didn't go home despite having no place to stay. Until a month or so later, it was revealed to me a relative had terminal cancer. I had to go home again. It was worse than turbulent. When winter 2016 came, my relative was in much worse condition. They only had a few months left, and this was probably my last chance to say goodbye. This visit was by far the most traumatic, and more because of my parents than watching a loved one die. At least Jace was able to come meet me for the first time in person. He also got to meet my relative before they passed 🖤

Freshly fucked up by family, I retuned to California at the beginning of 2017. I was mostly taking a break from SW because of my health and was working vanilla jobs as I could (so not much). I had a pretty decent job that I was really good at and had been promoted, but then my relative passed. I started losing consciousness again ( I had many seizures and fainting spells in my childhood and during high school) and had to quit my job. the funeral was in spring 2017, I flew to Jersey to be with Daddy for a few days and then he drove me several states over for the memorial. That was the last time I saw my family. I wanted to transition to online/content creating, but I had no tech knowledge or equipment (even my phone was a potato). In high school I wasn't allowed to have a smartphone, most social media other than what was heavily monitored (and still had 0 experience with platforms sw is popular on besides Tumblr I guess), I didn't really know much about cameras. Way too sheltered and broken to feel like I could start anything. I was now seeing my outside, or I guess regular and only, therapist twice a week and doing treatments that while working for me were insanely (literally) hard. I had been able to get an apartment with roommates at a super discount in return for taking care of their crazy dog, which was a win win for me (he was a good boi just crazy from a bad past and had the worst separation anxiety). The agreement was that I would live with them until the lease was up in September, and then we would reevaluate the situation. Then they both got promoted at their mega corporation jobs. And after their wedding found a really gorgeous apartment in a much fancier part of the city, and paid to break our lease early in June leaving me homeless. I had been fired from my last 2 jobs (probably for being disabled because California is at will employment but who knows I might have been fired from the nanny job because the husband wanted to fuck me). I had no money or anywhere to go. All of my friends were almost as broke as me, so while I had offers to couchsurf at a few of their places they had other roommates who would have been pissed and in a few months they would be going back to school anyways. Daddy and I had been trying to save up to move in together for months, but he was going to move to California. We didn't have any money for that, so instead he asked me to move in with him in New Jersey. Leaving meant I lost my health insurance and my therapist. It was supposed to be much more temporary and we were supposed to move back to California much sooner than we were able to. I try not to be mad at those roommates because being angry doesn't change anything, but it really sucked.

Moving in with Daddy meant we could start our blog! And I was super happy at first, the happiest I could ever remember. But the years had been too hard and my health started to get worse than ever before. Without treatment and so traumatized, my brain and body were constantly at war. I would wake with splitting migraines, throwing up, my chronic pain became completely unmanageable. I started to need weed all the time because it was the only thing that stopped my cyclical vomiting episodes and kept me out of the hospital. My antipsychotics and other meds had been high-key fucking me up (probably shouldn't have been on them in the first place, thank you doctor who also ignored my seizures even when I had one in front of you) and were almost impossible to come off of because the withdrawals. (Seriously, kicking xanax was easier for me than my antipsychotics.) I'm not anti medication or anything, I just know the ones I was on were not good for me anymore. I'd actually like to be on something again, I just need a doctor who actually understands PTSD and DID.

My health continued to be shit for most of 2018, with several ER visits for severe dehydration from vomiting for days on end. We started to make videos and do snapchat and online sessions to be able to make ends meet. Despite being in the worst situation and thus everything being a trizillion times harder, we really loved (and still love 😇) doing SW and creating content. Our fans and clients have been there in some of our darkest moments, just being lovely or pulling through for us when we needed it most. During 2018 and 2019 I became actively suicidal for the first time since I was 13. I struggled with self harm again. I have gotten worse than I ever thought possible. But I wouldn't have made it at all if it wasn't for SW, this community and our supporters.

At the beginning of 2020 we were finally able to move back to California. Obviously, the pandemic severely disrupted many of our plans, especially regarding my recovery. Despite things being delayed or shifted, we are in a much better place currently. I have what I need to get better and I can build a support system again. I will get better.

Talking about things is hard for me. Being open and honest is hard for me. For 18 years I was trained and abused to not be sad or show negative feelings, or talk about upsetting things, and it has been killing me slowly my entire life. I genuinely don't want pity or to make others feel bad, but I do want to give you the chance to get to know me. I don't always talk about things so much. But I'm trying to get better at it.

[lovelyirony]

“Dance with me.” For brucethor please!

Bruce didn’t dance. Ever. For all of his illustriously short career as a human being, Bruce had danced probably once, and that was at his Aunt Rebecca’s wedding. When he was three. 

After that, there was no dancing. A little something along the lines of “my dad fucking sucks and I hate him a lot, he’s too controlling” etc., with added trauma blah blah blah. 

“You going to homecoming this year?” Tony asks. Tony Stark is someone who Bruce never thought he’d be friends mainly because a.) Tony Stark is not afraid to act like an asshole to literally anybody, and b.) Most of the rumors are not true and started by Tony himself, who likes to weed out the people he doesn’t want ot hang out with. 

“No,” Bruce says. “I have a college exam to study for.” 

“How many are you taking, fifty? There’s not that much. Besides, you want to go to Culver and they’re practically offering to pay you a livable salary to go there.” 

“No college pays a livable salary to students, they’re delusional,” Bruce says with a shrug. “But I want to make sure my back-up colleges will accept me as well.” 

“Just apply for a school in Florida, they take anyone. Case in point, Justin Hammer got offered a place at Florida State.” 

“I’ll check that one off my list.” 

Tony laughs, taking another cracker out of his lunch. 

“But seriously, you should go to homecoming. Everyone does, and it’s your senior year. You should get some new experiences in besides studying for a new biology course that you’re taking online.” 

“Harvard let one out, I think I might apply for that.” 

“Ugh, you’re so boring.” 

“You’re the one who sits with me at lunch every day,” Bruce reminds him. “I’m so sure that Bucky Barnes would just be dying to have you sit with him. Or just be with him.” 

Tony turns to see Bucky staring at him across the table. 

“That’s ridiculous. He’s probably looking at the lunch menu for tomorrow. Speaking of, if it’s cheese pizza I’m going to barf.” Bruce rolls his eyes, but doesn’t bother to tell Tony that Bucky thinks he built the universe. 

“You’re a millionaire, I’m sure Jarvis could get you some caviar or whatever it is our government officials eat.” 

“I’m not part of the government, darling.” 

“You’re made of money, you have more sway than the president,” Bruce says. 

Tony thinks it over, humming. 

“True. Think I could get sustainable energy bills passed if I make the conservatives think it’s their idea?” 

“Possibly. You’d have to dumb it down way more than you did for Rumlow.” 

“Shoot me,” Tony moans, slumping down on the table. 

Bruce snorts, glancing to the clock. He starts gathering up his things and taking all the trash and recycling to the correct bins. 

They walk together, and Bruce tries very hard not to see Thor barging down the stairs, laughing loudly with Brunnhilde Valkyrie and Carol Danvers as they go for the next lunch shift. 

“I think Thor doesn’t have a date to homecoming,” Tony says. “And you’d be great arm candy.” 

“About as good as Red Vines,” Bruce mutters. 

“Your hatred of that candy knows no bounds.” 

“It shouldn’t even be legally called candy, I think anyone who eats it is a freak of nature.” 

“Very true. We should banish them to Siberia.” 

Tony and Bruce don’t share the next class. Tony is taking some anthropology class solely so he can have a class with both Rhodey and Pepper. Bruce doesn’t know why people think Tony is this suave asshole who has no friends, because Tony is about the most affectionate guy on the planet. 

The last hour of the day is Bruce’s favorite. It’s a cinema class, one that’s required this year because Bruce has exhausted the school of every possible science credit and math credit. 

“You need to take some arts,” Bruce’s counselor, Mrs. May said. Melinda May is a very terrifying woman who has deceptively nice desk decorations that usually indicate a woman who likes to talk about tea. Mrs. May asked Bruce if he knew how to throat-punch someone, and if he would like to learn. 

“Um, how is that relevant?” 

“It’s not. But you do well in school, it’s clear you care about your grades. I have nothing to discuss with you since you’ve done college applications early and applied for financial aid and scholarships. You’re basically a very responsible eighteen year old. So, do you want to learn how to throat-punch someone?” 

He does learn, and he also learns that he needs at least one more art credit. 

But the cinema class is one of the easiest classes. Everyone knows that it’s basically just watching a movie, writing a one-page reflection, and you occasionally get to nap. Bruce usually finishes up some applications, gets a snack in, and stares at Thor. 

Not in that order. Sometimes he needs to stare at Thor first. 

Thor is a very attractive person. He is smart, compassionate, and has very nice arms. He also knows how to care for long hair. This is a plus in many people’s books, Bruce’s included. 

Thor loves watching the movies and talking with friends in low tunes. Bruce sometimes gets involved in this discussion if they’re watching an interesting movie. Bruce likes that, that Thor turns and asks him what he thinks. 

The movie they’re watching currently is a musical, something Bruce rarely likes because he was forced to take a theater class last year, and now he legally can’t be around theater kids if he wants inner peace. 

It’s The Sound of Music. Bruce likes looking at the scenery. 

“Bruce, what do you think about it?” Thor asks. 

“Um…I really like the scenery. And Julie Andrews is always a good choice.” 

“I agree.” 

It’s quiet after that, until the DVD player shorts out and the teacher runs to the IT department, which probably won’t do something unless they pull Tony out of his class to fix it. 

The conversations flow evenly over the classroom, and Bruce focuses back in on his application for a new science course for the summer. If he can fit in one more credit hour, it shortens his college by one year, meaning he can graduate in three years instead of four, and then look onto graduate school. 

“What about homecoming?” Sif asks Thor. “I’m taking Jane, we’re shopping for suits soon. Who are you taking?” 

“I’m not sure,” Thor says. “Haven’t found anyone since Val decided to take Helen.” 

Bruce perks up a little bit. He doesn’t know why he does, because it’s not like he wants to go to homecoming anyway. 

Well, he wouldn’t mind it. Sure he’d need to buy a too-expensive shirt, but then he could use that shirt again for any official business meetings when he applies for internships, so–

“Bruce, what are you doing?” 

Bruce blinks, looking at Thor. 

“Um, right now I’m trying to sign up for a new biology class, so uh…” 

“I meant for homecoming.” 

“Oh!” Bruce is surprised. “Um, I don’t know. I was thinking about staying, but I’m not sure yet. I heard that Pepper’s really trying hard this year to get better decorations.” 

“Dude, then it’d be totally worth it,” Sif says. “If Pepper’s in charge, that means this homecoming won’t be the fiasco it was last year.” 

Last year, they did not have a good homecoming, Bruce heard. Pepper had an extended leave due to personal circumstances. She’s basically the backbone of the planning committee, and she had not started seriously training the newbie, Darcy. The homecoming the worst in existence, especially since the principal chose the music and all of it was from the early 2000s. 

“I might, I don’t know. I have no idea what Tony’s doing. He wants me to go, but I think Bucky might ask him.” 

“Barnes thinks Tony Stark hung the world on its axis,” Thor says, grinning. “But hey, you could always come with us.” 

“Um…okay. That’d be great.” 

So Bruce has homecoming plans. 

Tony doesn’t know about this until a week later, when they’re sitting at lunch together and Tony is telling him all about the homecoming ask that he had gotten from Barnes, which was very ridiculous and completely made Tony cry when he got home. 

(Not that Tony would ever admit to this, but he snapchatted Bruce at least fifteen different videos of what were essentially keysmashes in vocal chords.) 

“So, have you changed your mind about homecoming?” 

“Um, Thor asked me to be part of his group.” 

Tony’s eyes bug out. 

“Thor asked you out?!” 

“What? No!” Bruce says. “He just told me I could join the group. So I need a shirt.” 

“If you decide to wear that ugly yellow one your grandmother got you two years ago, I will literally kill you.” 

“It’s not that ugly.” 

“That yellow is from 1978 corporate business in Milwaukee, it’s disgusting.” 

“I’ll be sure to find something else, then,” Bruce says dryly. “Maybe eggplant purple.” 

“I will make sure you go in Versace if you keep this up.” 

But Bruce goes shopping Friday afternoon with Pepper and Tony and Rhodey, who all have looks in mind. 

“What are you thinking about, Bruce?” Rhodey asks. 

“Um…I don’t know. A shirt? Maybe a tie?” 

“You’re not a tie guy,” Pepper answers. “We’ll find you a nice shirt that compliments your eyes. Also, how do you feel about a haircut.” 

“What kind of haircut?” 

“A good one, obviously,” Tony scoffs. 

So they sign him up for a hair appointment Saturday morning, and they look for nice shirts. 

Bruce will not dare wear anything that’s bright, like red or yellow or god-forbid the dark green shirt that Tony said made him look “amazing.” 

“That’s just…no,” Bruce says. “Green really isn’t my color.” 

“I think it fits you,” Tony says. “But whatever.” 

Bruce actually starts texting Thor, who is very funny and knows the memes that he likes. They talk about dinner plans for homecoming, and what restaurant to go to. 

“I just don’t want there to be a lot of people, you know?” Thor says at lunch. Bruce and Tony have started to merge their two groups of people now, who get along quite well after the initial groupchat make via Tony. 

“Yeah, me either,” Bruce says. “I really don’t want to run into someone like Rumlow.” 

“Well, what about fixing a dinner at someone’s house?” Pepper asks. “That way, it’s more cost-effective.” 

Tony agrees to host it because he and Rhodey are wanting to try a new pasta recipe and they can get the ingredients in bulk. 

“Did you end up picking out a shirt?” Thor asks. “I know that you hated the green one. I thought that looked good.” 

“You did?” Bruce asks, trying very hard not to blush. 

He failed. 

“Yeah,” Thor says. “Made the eyes pop. But you didn’t like it, so it doesn’t matter. What color are you wearing?” 

“Um, purple. A light one, though. Not anything that’s gross or anything like that.”

(Sometimes, Bruce really wishes that he could just. Speak normally in front of his crush. Actually, all the time.) 

“Cool. I bet you’ll look handsome.” 

“Thanks,” Bruce manages to get out, taking a sip of water. “And you’re gonna look great too. I mean, you always do, but like with a suit it’s different so–” 

“You think I look great?” 

“I’d be a fool not to,” Bruce answers automatically.  Then immediately regrets it because who the fuck says that???????? 

Tony gives him a look when he gives him a ride home. 

“You’re in too deep,” Tony says. 

“Quit quoting Sum 41 at me.” 

“Then quit avoiding the subject,” Tony says. “And I wasn’t quoting Sum 41. I just think you’re majorly crushing on Thor and you’re not going to do anything about it.” 

“Why would I?” Bruce asks. “This is the last year of high school, and he’s probably going to go somewhere else for college. You know I don’t like long distance.” 

“You don’t mind long distance, you do it all the time,” Tony says. “You push people away because you can’t imagine people wanting to care for you.” 

“Since when did you pass psychology with an A?” 

“Since I made Freud my bitch. I don’t wanna make you mad, Bruce, but I still think you should at least try with Thor. You deserve it.” 

Bruce sits in the car, sipping on his water. 

“I’ll consider it.” 

And he will. Because despite Tony usually making a joke out of everything and giving Bruce very useless advice all the time, he does have some moments of clarity. This is one of them. 

Tony’s one of the few people who knows why Bruce studies so much and wants to go far away from his house and why. Tony doesn’t blame him, because Tony hates being in the same room as his father and is uncomfortable when people show him affection without wanting something. But they’re both getting better. 

Besides. Bruce has a little bit of a feeling that usually people don’t say that they liked you in the green shirt if there’s not something there. But he’ll wait for the dinner. 

Bruce is glad that Pepper told him not to get a tie, he’s having trouble buttoning the shirt itself. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous, or why he hopes to god that he doesn’t get pit stains on the shirt. He put on deodorant six times throughout the day, and nothing has happened, but he’s nervous. 

He gets to Tony’s half an hour early to help get the dishes and silverware out, and also hopefully be convinced that things are going to be fine. 

Dinner is nice. Thor sits next to Bruce specifically, and Bruce even gets so bold as to laugh out loud and ask if Thor will save him a dance. 

“For you? Of course,” Thor says. 

The dance looks beautiful. Pepper is making sure everything is good, make sure the sophomores deny Tony’s requests to play the most obscure songs he can think of, and that no one is getting too drunk with the drinks they smuggled in. 

Thor dances easily, while it takes Bruce a little bit to warm up. 

“Time for the couples dance!” A teacher announces cheerily. 

Bruce thinks to step back, watching as Bucky shyly takes Tony’s hand and leads him out. 

He’s surprised when he gets a tap on his shoulder. 

“Would you, ah, care for a dance? With me?” Thor asks. He seems nervous. Bruce blinks. 

“Um, shit. Yeah.” 

Bruce is not eloquent, but he feels it as Thor takes him around the room. He grins as he looks at Thor. 

“So. A couples dance. That mean anything?” 

“If you want it to,” Thor says. “I’d like to take you out on a date sometime, if you’re interested.” 

“I am,” Bruce says. “Most definitely I am. Besides, you said I still need to try the bakery by the bookstore off fiftieth.” 

“That can be our first destination.” 

They smile at each other, and for the moment everything is perfect. They don’t know what the future holds, but that’s okay. 

[ameliahqs]

( 12 / muse 34 / cisfemale & she/her ) contrary to what the campers might tell you, that’s not olivia holt. that’s amelia clark! this is their 6th year working here and they’re a counselor. they’re 23, and i just found out during ice breakers they’re a virgo. at first they might seem pretty reserved, but they’re actually really compassionate. when they have down time, you can usually catch them baking treats for their friends. try to get to know them for yourself this summer!

background.

amelia was seven years old when her mother kicked her father out of their house for cheating on her and getting his mistress pregnant. though her sister, shayna, harbors resentment towards her mother for leaving their dad, amelia was old enough to remember his late nights at the “office,” broken promises, and missed recitals. her parents tried to keep their fighting away from amelia and shay, but amelia’s room was next to theirs and the walls were thin. for amelia, it was a no-brainer to side with her mother during and after the divorce.

amelia and shayna were raised by their mother, though “raised” is a term best used loosely. though she tried her hardest to make sure her daughters had everything they needed, what they really needed was a mother who paid any attention to them. as such, amelia tried to be there for her little sister as much as possible, and from a young age took on the self-imposed role of “mother hen” that spread to nearly all of her relationships. still, amelia and shay often fought about the circumstances surrounding their parents’ divorce, amelia not having the heart to tell shay just how bad the situation was, and break her image of their father. though they aren’t as close as they once were (and hadn’t been for a while), amelia still loves and misses her sister, and wants to rebuild a close relationship with her so much so, that she turned down an internship in order to work at camp this summer because she knew shay was going to be here. 

perhaps it was because she was the oldest, or simply the only one who would talk to her, amelia’s mother treated her like a best friend rather than a daughter - if your best friend served only to shoulder you with their burdens and force you to fix their problems for them. as a result, amelia has felt as if her problems (which let me tell you, she has a lot of) are not as important as the problems of others. amelia is very much the type to try to solve everyone’s problems and completely ignore her own. which is. a bad habit. 

it also gave way to amelia concealing a lot of secrets from her family, and her friends. from a bad grade, to her struggle with and acceptance of her sexuality, to the professor she had an affair with her junior year of college, amelia traversed it all herself. 

on a lighter note, amelia worked very hard in high school and got into a prestigious college on a scholarship. she majored in hospitality with the end goal of owning her own bakery. her biggest dream is to have a simple suburban family, and be the mother she never had. 

tidbits.

amelia is very type a to the point where it’s lowkey a problem. she’s a super perfectionist and is VERY hard on herself when she thinks she’s failed. 

stress bakes, happy bakes, sad bakes, stoned bakes, etc. 

bisexual!!!!!!!!!!! and comfortable with it!

mommy issues AND daddy issues, she’s got ‘em all!

abandonment issues.

water heater issues (she rly needs to call maintenance) 

loves the color yellow

has been in a series of disastrous relationships. sad for her.

connections.

best friend - someone amelia trusts and loves and would kill for (or at least yell at someone for). she’s been going to camp for years, i think it’d be cute for her to have a bff and just a pure, sweet relationship. alternatively, she could also have a bff that isn’t pure, and is instead messy. all good options.

friends - she’s very friendly!!! literally doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, cares more about others than she does herself! be her friend!

confidant - amelia doesn’t open up to people very easily - maybe it’s easier for her to have an intimate relationship with someone she barely knows? idk she needs someone who knows her secrets and knows when she’s pushing/punishing herself too hard.

hookup - self explanatory, amelia has needs too.

ex - did this end on good terms? bad terms? 

flirty relationship - this could be for bants, it could be something they do but won’t act on for whatever reason (amelia has been a homewrecker before and is not afraid to do it again - jk she’s very afraid but will still do it - emotions control her)

literally anything! a n y t h i n g

[theancientgeekoroman]

hi! i'm a high-schooler who wants to pursue a career in classics and ancient history and you're a massive inspiration to me, I was wondering if you have any advice for an aspiring classicist

Hey! I’m glad to be an inspiration :3

So, the first thing I would suggest is to read, read, read. I know it’s expensive to get a lot of books, but remember that public libraries (and check your high school library, too!) might have many of the books you might want to read before you head into a Classics program.

If you would prefer to have these things online so you can access a lot of different things, here are my favorite websites to refer to:

http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/

https://www.gutenberg.org/

http://www.sacred-texts.com/search.htm

The next thing to remember is that if you’re an undergraduate student, you’re not going to know everything in every class. Be open to exploring - take courses that have a focus on the ancient world, but don’t be afraid to stray into other courses (I took enough Medieval courses (history, literature, art history) that I was one course away from a minor). One of the things that I would recommend is searching for schools that have a program you think you’ll enjoy and e-mail the professors! I e-mailed the director of the Classical Studies department at Villanova University back and forth for a long time before I applied to the graduate program and she was quite supportive and explained things well to me. This was a big reason I decided that I decided that Villanova was right for me. The professors and how they interact with potential students will tell you a lot about the faculty as well as the program. Look through the potential courses at the universities you’re interested in, and whether they have all the courses, you would be interested in, including courses for other aspects of the field.

Classics courses can be under Anthropology or Archaeology, Art History, English/Literature, Greek/Latin, Library Sciences, Law, Museum Studies, Theatre, etc. If you’re interested in exploring any of these areas of Classics, I would suggest exploring these courses if the university offers them as well. This would also help you hone in on what area of the field you might be most interested in pursuing - a lot of people who go into Classics either end up teaching or working in a museum, from my experience. However, those aren’t your only choices, and we’ll get back to that more towards the end :3

If you’re not sure if you’d like archaeology, if you can afford an archaeological field school, I would say try to participate in one when you’re an undergraduate student, or if you can’t, see if your local state parks have any need for archaeological volunteers. That’s something that I’ve been investigating in Las Vegas (where I live); this isn’t Classics specifically, but much of the work will be similar so you can gauge whether you like digging enough to do it for a living. This past summer I did my first archaeological field school (three years after I completed my B.A. in History/Classics), so if you wait a little longer, that’s okay, too. But, I loved it, and I definitely want to dig again, so I think that it’s important to find a way to pursue those opportunities when you can (I was lucky to get a full-time job a year before I went and was able to save up - I didn’t take any vacation time in the year and a half from when I was hired until after the field school). There are field school scholarships that you can apply to, like the Jane C. Waldbaum Archaeological Field School Scholarship (https://www.archaeological.org/grants/708), that are for students pursuing their first field school, amongst other funding, so make sure you look everywhere and ask your university if they have a database for field school funding. A lot of your anthropology and archaeology professors will be helpful in asking about this. Your university might also have archaeology opportunities on campus as well; my alma mater, the University of Delaware, had an Archaeology Laboratory that I volunteered in for extra credit and continued to do so once my course was over because I enjoyed it so much. See what’s around and how you can help out!

In the same vein, if you’re interested in museum work, look to see if you can volunteer over the summer, or once you’re a university student, see if you can enroll in an internship for credit. Sometimes your university galleries and museums might have a program, so look into that, too! I did a Curatorial Apprenticeship Program at the University of Delaware and was able to conduct an Independent Study for credit through the museum program (now the University of Delaware has a Museum Studies minor). I’ve always known that my end goal was to be a curator, but there’s plenty of other aspects of museums you can explore: education, administration, museum libraries, and a lot of other departments, depending on the size of the institution. If you’re in the U.S., you can check my museum post to see if your state has ancient art (https://theancientgeekoroman.tumblr.com/post/179105816745/master-list-of-museums-with-greek-roman), and if you’re in another country, don’t worry, I’m working on master lists for other countries, too.    

Many courses may be taught in translation (especially if you’re taking it as an English Literature or Foreign Language in Translation course), so see if you can find the best or most highly recommended translations by professors. See what the book lists are for the courses at the universities you’re looking at and try to find your favorite translation. I just bought the Emily Wilson translation of The Odyssey, which I have a feeling will be my favorite translation. This is The Iliad translation I have (http://www.librarything.com/work/3426497/book/161094444), The Aeneid (http://www.librarything.com/work/11862/book/161072440), Metamorphoses (http://www.librarything.com/work/3439/book/161072432), and The Love Songs of Sappho (http://www.librarything.com/work/237534/book/161093187). All of these were assigned textbooks for my Biblical and Classical Literature and Mythology courses at the University of Delaware between 2007-2015 (those links take you to my LibraryThing, which will tell you most of the books that I own or I have on my wishlist, if you want to check them out; I haven’t finished organizing their categories yet, though, so it’s a WIP).   

If you haven’t been exposed to Ancient Greek or Latin at the high school level and university will be the first time you encounter these languages (as was true for me), you don’t necessarily have to know anything by the first day of class. However, if you would like a head start, here are some lessons on Ancient Greek in YouTube format (http://www.openculture.com/2016/08/learn-ancient-greek-in-64-free-lessons-from-brandeis-harvard.html) and in text format (https://lrc.la.utexas.edu/eieol/grkol). Latin, unsurprisingly, has a lot more resources for free online learning (I even bought a Udemy course to review my Latin): The University of Texas at Austin: https://lrc.la.utexas.edu/eieol/latol, http://learn101.org/latin.php, and this list is good to consult: https://www.omniglot.com/language/articles/latinapps.htm. I haven’t used all of these myself, so explore and see which ones would be best for you and works best for how you learn.

If you decide to continue with Classics into the graduate level, keep in mind that you’ll need German AND French or Italian. I took both French and Italian as an undergraduate and I can read French pretty well because I took it for four years in high school and studied abroad in Caen for five weeks as an undergraduate. Italian I can kind of read alright, but I know no German, which I need to work on. So, if you have a language requirement and your Latin or Greek does not count, keep those languages in mind. (Sometimes you have to take a certain amount of Latin or Ancient Greek for it to count, and your program may not require as many ancient language courses for your major as the language requirement for the university, etc. I only needed to take Ancient Greek or Latin, but I decided I wanted to do both.)

Classics is an extremely interdisciplinary field, so you have a lot of options, both as an undergraduate and a graduate student. You don’t necessarily need to go straight into graduate school, either. You can teach at the high school level, you can go into archaeology fieldwork or museum work, or do a variety of other things. It’s up to you. I took a year off, got a different Master of Arts degree before I applied to my M.A. in Classical Studies. It’s different for everyone. I’ll be 30 when I get my M.A. in Classical Studies, so take your time and explore things that call to you. Don’t rush things and have fun!

Of course, I’m sure you want to know “What can I do with a Classics degree?” Luckily, many places have already made lists like this! Here they are:

https://www.angelo.edu/services/career/majors/classics.php

https://www.canterbury.ac.nz/careers/subjects/classics/

https://classicalstudies.org/education/careers-for-classicists/an-undergraduate-degree-in-the-classics

https://www.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/careersandemployability/subjectfactsheets/subjectfacsheets/2016ese030_Classics_st1.pdf

http://loveofhistory.com/what-jobs-can-you-get-with-an-ancient-history-and-classics-degree/

https://www.prospects.ac.uk/careers-advice/what-can-i-do-with-my-degree/classics

And I made a post with different places that post Classics positions as well, for when you’re ready to look for those (I check them regularly to see the requirements people want for these positions to either match up or if I need further training or credentials): https://theancientgeekoroman.tumblr.com/post/178955792555/since-im-still-in-my-ma-program-for-classical   

TLDR & recap:

Read, read, read

Research your potential schools

Volunteer

Explore aspects of the field

Have fun!

Additionally, I found this list of people that have Classics degrees :3

https://rogueclassicism.com/folks-you-didnt-know-maybe-had-classics-degrees/

I hope you found this helpful and I apologize for the length, but feel free to drop me a line whenever you like if you need more advice or would like me to expand on any of my experiences!

All the best,

The Ancient Geeko-Roman

P.S. Folklore Fiancé wanted to make sure I didn’t overwhelm you and wanted to encourage you to make sure you take your time and take breaks when studying. Don’t overwhelm yourself with your research; take your time to explore different areas and don’t tackle too many things at once. *takes off parent hat*

[ohcoolnice]

very unpopular opinion: Stop asking for money on tumblr

I’m gonna get so much hate for this but i can’t even hold back anymore. 

so i hate to be *that person* because everyone is going through shit, but let me just make my point here:

I’m an 18 (19 in less than a month) year old white girl with a black father and a white mother. I might be bi but i’m really just confused tbh.

This is all irrelevant, though, because I live in an abusive home, which isn’t something i’d stand for if it were anybody else, i don’t give a shit if you’re a purple girl and thanos is your dad and you’re lesbian. It matters when people are hurting. My father controls my bank account, expects me to pay him, refuses to let me have ANY money, and the 20 dollars i have is from babysitting, and it’s hidden in my room, taped under my bed because it’s the only place he might not find it, since he searches through my room on the regular.

I do not have a job, because i had to leave the job i’ve had since i was 14 due to health issues, and i’ve been searching for a job for about six months, and haven’t got anything that’s more than a week (i worked a week on comic-con in the summer). I’ve probably applied to over 100 jobs by now, but I simply don’t have the “experience” that is so required but never given.

I’m currently making money via an online captioning site, that pays per video minute of captions, not per hour spent captioning, so i can spend 50 hours that week captioning, and only make $16. It’s not fast money, but it’s MONEY.

As i said, I live in an abusive household. I was very open about this on the last tumblr i had, but i decided i wouldn’t say anything about it on this one, i don’t like the way i’m addressed once people find out. It’s been so long that i’ve come to normalise the abuse, and it rarely makes me cry anymore, but what does make me cry, is seeing happy families and good relationships on TV. Something i might never have.

I had to use everything I’ve saved up since i started working at 14, over 5 years ago, and now my bank account is empty, and I’m struggling to earn enough to pay off my credit card (had to buy school supplies- i’m a fashion student). I have to come up with excuses why i don’t have certain materials in class when the truth is that i can’t afford anything at all. I live at home with my parents, grandmother, and three brothers.

The worst part of all this is that my family isn’t poor. Honestly, it’s the complete opposite. My father has a net worth of over 3 million, and my mother is not far behind. My brothers are constantly treated with new shoes and clothes and school supplies (two younger, one a year older than me who is on an internship in Halifax), and my parents love to go on multiple vacations each year without their kids, which i understand, four kids is a lot of work.

We’re not in debt and we’re well off. Our house is small, yes, but everyone has their own room and there is a separate apartment in the basement for my grandmother, and we have a backyard that’s oddly large for the city.

So why am i so broke?

Honestly, i’m not sure. I know my father loves me, but the times i can see that are so few and far between that i don’t even know anymore. My second youngest brother stole my father’s credit card and cash multiple times this year, racking up a lovely bill of over $2,000 worth of money stolen.

As a punishment, he has a full season pass to Canada’s Wonderland, gifts for every occasion, and he’s practically my parents’ favorite. Sure, they scold him when it happens and they find out, but their punishments never last more than a day, whereas i am still blamed for attending a year of private school in the fifth grade- something that was their choice, not mine.

And that’s not even the abusive aspect to my house. That’s merely my parent’s preference of my brothers over me.

My father is emotionally abusive, screaming and yelling and calling me fat (though i’m in relatively okay shape, and underweight) and lazy and stupid and somethings i’d rather not type out. If he’s in a mood, I’m his target, even if i’m not home, i’ll open up my email to see a bunch of wonderful new emails in my inbox telling me off.

He’s also been physically abusive.

So many people have told me to call the cops or anything, but at home, everyone is constantly yelling at me, and calling me a liar the moment i open my mouth, but i rarely ever lie because i absolutely HATE liars.

My father hates what i do, he hates what i want to do, because, to him, fashion isn’t a real career. He hates that I’m in art and that i paint and draw and that i barely was able to pass math in high school.

I’m also ADHD. While i don’t have any money, everything i make will be going towards paying my tuition. I have two scholarships, but still have to pay about $8,000 after the deductions.

I currently have a near-perfect score in all my courses, all 100% except one 80% (an 8/10), to which i was told that if he saw anything like it again, I wouldn’t be going to school next semester.

So for my Adhd, I have to take medication, and i’ve gotten better at being able to function without, but i still can’t fully, and it’s really hard to explain what i mean by that, so i won’t, it’s really too complex. For two and a half years, ending this summer,  I was SEVERELY depressed: cutting and numb and crying myself to sleep more nights than not. Panic attacks and Anxiety attacks were the norm. Honestly, I have so much shit due that i’m gonna cut this short, because i have four more projects due this week, three due tomorrow.

I don’t have a phone, because i’m not “responsable like your brothers” and I have to walk down poorly-lit and dangerous areas of downtown after class to get to the subway. if something did happen to me, though, i’m not sure my family would really care. maybe my grandmother and my brothers and my mom. maybe my mom.

Basically, I understand that life is hard, but it really rubs me the wrong way when i see people asking for money on tumblr as if there is NO other option. there’s always some other way to do things. I’ve gone through more things in my 18, almost 19 years, than most people would in their lives, in terms of psychological and physical harassment.

And yet i have never asked for money, especially not from random people on the internet. Even though all i have in my purse for the rest of the year is a few coins that i probably just found on the sidewalk, I still give change to church boxes and i still leave food from my lunch next to homeless sleeping people- something i wish everyone did- because while my life might SUCK, other people have it worse, and I know that even if i have nothing, there’s always things i can do about it.

I don’t want pity, or anything from this. I’m just adding all that to help back my point and to show that I understand hardship.

There’s a website called TASKRABBIT and others like it that pays you to do tasks for others. There’s also things like DOORDASH and PETSITTER.COM and hundreds of other alternatives. I have to wait a few days, as you have to be 19 to join many of these, but please consult alternatives before asking others for money, perhaps asking others to give their money to people who have less, like those in shelters with families and children. Donate food etc.

Please stop asking for money. The device you’re using to ask for it on can be used to make money. So please, use the internet. Legally.

I know people can be rude, and I worked as a swimming instructor for four years, so i understand dealing with both difficult adults and children, and I’ve been called things in and out of home i’d rather not say, but that’s customer service for you. The customer is always right, even if they’re a jerk.

There are plenty of things online to make money from, and i company i work for required me to not give out it’s name when i started working for it, but there’s plenty of work out there that doesn’t require an interview or anything.

I’m sure things are hard now, and i’m not trying to be rude, but things like this really bother me, especially when there is clearly other options.

Best of luck to all of you in your future endeavors.

[kikifeliz]

8 TIPS FOR MAKING THE MOST OUT OF YOUR UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE!

Deciding to become a university student is a huge investment of both time and money. You don't want to start only to have to drop out due to finances or failing grades. You also don't want to finish and find that all you have is a piece of paper with mountains of debt and no job prospects.

The average cost of a 4-year Bachelor's degree is about $36k at a public university, and about $136k at a private university. Google the yearly cost of your school of choice, then multiply by 4. Then add on about 5k for the additional costs of books and travel fees, clothing, and other miscellaneous. Then add on about 10k for the interest that your student loan debt will incur! 😫

The average cost of graduate degrees can vary by school and concentration, but can easily cost over 90k for tuition alone. Student loan debt is not a joke! Invest your time wisely while you're in school so you don't end up regretting your decision and sharecropping your life away in some 9-5 that you hate.

So, here are my tips for making the most of your time as a university student! Whether you're in undergrad or graduate school, I hope this advice helps you! I'm not going to give you the basic "go to every single class" bullshit. While that's undoubtedly good advice, I want to be a bit more practical and dig a little deeper. I think if you're paying for an experience like college, it's obvious that you should attempt to be as immersed in that experience as possible. You're not going to pay for entrance to a water park then stay off the slides and out of the pool, are you? No, you're going to jump in and go on as many rides as possible! At university, you're paying for school, so you need to treat it the same way. If you're paying for a class, obviously you should go as often as you possibly can. So in the hopes that I can be practical without being trite, I'm going to address the finer details of the college experience. From the perspective of a woman who's in the process of finishing her 2nd Master's degree (at an Ivy League school, no less), you can take it or leave it!

1. Update your resume as soon as you commit to a school and give them your deposit.

As soon as you've paid the deposit to the school of your choose and sent back your decision letter, go ahead and update your resume. If you don't have a resume, make one now! There are plenty of templates online you can follow.

Include your new school and anticipated graduation date under the "Education" section. (You can add it to your social media bios too, if you're into that sort of thing.) The truth of the matter is, the moment you pay the deposit to the school, you've paid for the brand name. You might as well start wielding and wearing it ASAP! This will help you as you apply for internships for the summer after high school and during your freshman year of college.

2. Once on campus, join clubs and student associations.

This is super important! So much of college is about networking. Once you graduate and leave campus, your college network can help you find jobs, travel, keep you up to date with learning opportunities/conferences, or even help you settle into to a new city. It's important to make authentic connections with people on campus outside of your immediate friend group, and a great way to do that is through common interest clubs or associations. Attend a programs fair and check your school's websites and message boards to find events.

Once you've decided which clubs you want to join, make sure to introduce yourself to the leadership! By getting to know the club leaders, you can make sure you'll always know what's next for the group so that you can take part and continue to build community.

3. ‪Spend as much time as you can at the library and in other public study spaces on/around campus.‬

Most university libraries will have cafés, help desks, computer labs, and even group study areas. Often it's okay to talk in the group study areas, so you can always take a break from studying and do a bit of socializing when you need to. When you need more privacy or quiet space, it's typically available just a room or a floor away! Bring healthy snacks like carrots and almonds and chocolate-covered espresso beans or raisins to keep you energized and alert.

Studying is obviously an important part of being in college. You don't want to get into the job field without fluency in the language/jargon or requisite content knowledge that is necessary to succeed!

4. Use the "free" time to develop your genuine interests and hobbies.

If you have the time and don't have a ton of responsibility to other people in your family, take advantage of that! You likely won't have a lot of time like that in your life again. Use this period to follow your curiosities and your interests. Make art! Join an intramural sport! Experiment with fashion! Work part-time in a place you never thought you would! The possibilities are endless. As my dad would say, "It's your world, squirrel!" (He's really corny.)

5. Be as discerning as possible with the classes you take - you are paying for each of them, after all!

Take classes that really interest you, with professors you truly want to learn from. Read the class descriptions carefully, and do research on the professors. Try to get professors that have great ratings, multiple publishings in reputable journals, books, and websites, and a good track records of helping students.

Many colleges have core curricula that you must complete to graduate. If the classes in your core don't interest you, see if you can find ways to navigate the system so that there's a silver lining or so you can make the best out of them. Always give it a shot, you may find that you're more interested once you attend than you were by reading the description alone.

Even if the class isn't of interest, the people there probably are - especially if everyone has to take it! Whether that's ensuring you get the best professor that's offered or finding a great group of friends to struggle through it with, get to know the people around you. Maybe you decide to develop a working relationship with the TA by attending office hours and asking questions about how to contextualize the content in a way that's more engaging for you or more aligned with your interests. To do this, just explain your interests or proposed field of study and ask them for examples of how you can transfer the knowledge you're learning in class toward your interest.

Another option is seeing if you can take the class pass/fail. If this is possible and the class isn't aligned with what you feel your true academic interests are, then don't expend too much effort. Attend lecture, pass the class, and devote your time to your other interests. (This is an option only for people who are serious about not failing the class. Make sure you calculate what scores you'll need to pass exams and other requirements like attendance, and hold yourself accountable to these. Do your absolute best on your papers! Taking a class pass/fail is NOT an excuse to slack off or avoid doing your best work, but it may be a way for you to free up some time if you calculate your grades and find that you don't need to do every single assignment to pass.)

6. If you can find a work-study job or start a side hustle *without* jeopardizing your grades, do so!

Again, the student loans are no joke. I avoid taking them if I can, because I hate debt. Of course, this means I occasionally have had to pay tuition out of my own pocket. I held 3 jobs when I was in undergrad and have always had side hustles even while working 9-5. Many of my favorites have included babysitting, tutoring, pet/house sitting, DJing, and party planning. I know a lot of people in grad school who also worked in restaurants or as delivery drivers, as administrative aids in university offices, law offices, and medical practices. Nowadays, a lot of people work as as influencers, photographers, video editors, and models for their side hustles. I always preferred jobs that were lowkey so I could study. My favorite work-study job was at the library! I always got to see my friends and I could read PDF copies of my assignments while I sat at the circulation desk.

7. Find out about scholarships and fellowships that are offered by different departments in your university.

A lot of fellowships and scholarships are only advertised internally by department and school. Spend time on your department's website and stop by the department office every few weeks to make sure you're up to date on the opportunities that are being offered to students. Become a frequent patron of Financial Aid to see what is available through that office as well.

Additionally, feel free to email the department chair/other professors to ask if they know of any fellowships or scholarship opportunities that may come up in the future so you can be prepared. Ask about qualifications for those as well, so you can plan ahead.

Do your research and make sure you qualify for these opportunities! In writing your essays, attend to each point of criteria laid out in the "call for applications." Treat your essay similarly to how you'd apply for the job. Why are you the right person to receive this money? How do you fulfill the criteria that this scholarship is supporting?

8. If you're struggling with your studies, use the resources on campus that you're *already paying for* in order to get back on track.

This includes TA and professor office hours, peer tutors, the writing center (most universities will have offices that can help you structure and edit your essays, etc.).

Join or create study groups by finding a partner in your class to study with, and ask the university librarians (and your advisor!) what other resources/tutoring/study help is available on campus.

A strong foundation in the content knowledge for your field of choice is a necessity once your graduate. My father always told me, "The key to success is uncommon knowledge." I agree with this somewhat, but I really believe it's actually that the key is an uncommon thirst for mastery. You move forward in your career and your personal development by learning and mastering new levels of skill. The more you know and the better you can communicate, the more respected you'll be in your field - which opens the door to further opportunities. Studying (and studying *well*) is imperative during your time at university!

Good luck this year, scholars! Work smarter & always remember, education is the key! We cannot dismantle the master's house with the master's tools//we are the gold we wanna hold! Go forth & make this school year your bitch!

Xoxo,

Kiki

(c) 2019 by Kiki Feliz

[taurustarot]

3/17/19-3/31/19

Use your Sun, Moon, and/or Rising Signs for your tarotscopes! The tarotscopes for 3/17/19-3/31/19 were done by using the Fairy Tarot Deck & Angels of Abundance deck. (I was gifted these two new decks which aren’t my usual but wanted to test them out, let me know what you all think!)  

Aries: Ten of Spring, #6 The Lovers, #16 Life Experience.

Recently you’ve been learning how cooperation and relying on others - or delegating at least - isn’t a burden. You’ve finally had enough of not receiving what you deserve despite everything you do and take onto your shoulders. Good for you Aries! You’ve been dragging yourself along under the weight of all your responsibilities and constant seriousness of life and work instead of giving yourself time to enjoy life and reap the rewards of your work now. It might seem that life has been pretty dull for you lately and you’re getting stuck in a rut; but never fear! This time is serving you because you’re learning to play well with others and bring harmony into your life. Aries, a lot of you are starting to see signs of your life partner coming into your life and as an added bonus; they very knowledge of their existence is having you re-examine some old, dead weight beliefs. As we move out of Pisces season you’re experiencing a MAJOR shift. The blessings of your season - the astrological New Year - are not holding back on you. NOW is the time to unashamedly proclaim what you’re manifesting into your life with the utmost confidence that you are deserving of it, especially after how hard you’ve worked. Your season is bring you a lot of eye opening moments and one of them is a spiritual location catching your eye to invoke a desire to travel! Be ready to find your direction in life as well as the people who are meant to share it with you; if you don’t discover all of this within the next few weeks then be aware you are going to receive signs of them and information on them.

Attracting Money: Gratitude List. If you find that attracting financial wealth in your life has been pretty difficult it has to do with the message above. You’ve been working so hard you haven’t had time to stop and smell the roses. The Angels of Abundance Oracle Cards suggest you take time to write a Gratitude List - try to write down five things at least three times a week. Be as detailed as you can so when you go over the list again in the future you can feel the same joy! Writing this list will instantly raise your vibrations, keep you focused on that feeling of joy and even freedom you’re seeking to continue experience and most importantly: remind you that joy is all around you and always at the tip of your fingers.

Taurus: #14 Balance, Nine of Autumn, Prince of Autumn.

These next weeks as we go from Pisces season into Aries - the astrological new year might have you at a crossroads. You’re being faced with a decision or at the very least, a problem to solve that you feel could affect where you go in life. It’s not something to take lightly but it is something you need to be able to release if needed. There’s no need to make a haste decision; instead, seek out external sources who might be able to offer you some insight on the situation and how they view it with you. While no one knows you better than you know yourself, they might pick up on things and offer wisdom that you’re much too close to the picture to see! It’s your attention to detail that’s going to save your day here, Taurus. Additionally, those of you who are embarking or trying to raise up your own business are going to start seeing some of the rewards you’ve been waiting for - take this as a sign to keep going. Aries season will push you further than you would have initially thought to go but it’s a lesson your big brother is coaxing you into. A common theme along these cards is that only one being is present at the time; take care of yourself and know that while you are never truly alone - you are at your best when given some time to work through things on your own. Be careful not to over reward yourself for a job well done; stay humble.

Attracting Money: Moonlighting. Staying true to your roots and need for stability; the Moonlighting card offers one strong piece of advice. . . Don’t quit your day job (just yet!) As you reach for the Moon with your dreams, remind yourself that you do still have bills to pay and as an Earth sign you’ve got some hard work ahead of you to make your dreams come true. They will come true but it’s important to also stay in the present as you work towards them. Make moves full of trust towards your dreams and know that they will come to fruition but until then there are still responsibilities that need to be taken care of. Find balance between work and self-improvement.

Gemini: Ten of Winter, Six of Autumn, Princess of Autumn.

As Pisces season ends; so does their hold on your reality. During Pisces season you may have been affected through the things that Pisces rules: you may have been emotional, more prone to insomnia or restlessness, and may have even indulged in a vice or two. The bright side here is that the next two weeks will be moving you away from this time and will be ending any negative routines you’ve developed. Your problems are over, Gemini! You’re also learning more about karma and the fact that she’s been keeping her eye on you; the good you have done for the world will return to you soon but this doesn’t mean you should stop doing good or start doing it only for what it brings back. When you leave your pride and selfishness behind; you become blessed with the best karma there is. There’s a strong sense of job change - be it to another location, starting your own business, or even a promotion - in the air! If you aren’t working but are attending school then know you’ll be acknowledged with the possibility of a scholarship. Keep your head firmly on your shoulders because the next few weeks require careful thinking and planning.

Attracting Money: Dreams of Abundance. If you’ve learned anything from Pisces and their season; hopefully it’s how much power dreams have to them. Learn to daydream; learn to direct your dreams (perhaps sleeping with your intention under your pillow!). This card itself, “Dreams of Abundance” suggests that you take note of the dreams that come to you naturally because they might have some insight on what your missing or need in order to succeed.

Cancer: #7 The Chariot, Eight of Autumn, Five of Summer.

Cancer, the Astrological New Year is all about controlling yourself. The situations you put yourself, the situations you are put into it, the people you allow in your life, the way you treat those people and the way you set boundaries and limitations for how you can be treated. You’re getting touch with your beliefs again; especially the belief that every road leads somewhere, that there is a reason somebody is your life - even if you don’t yet know what that reason is. It’s because of that belief, you’ve decided to revisit something of the past. And for once, it really does benefit you. If you’re looking to go back to school, or start an internship, even giving love to an old project of yours or simply getting back into old hobby/routine that used to bring you joy then you’re on the right track! Stop focusing on the negativity in your present, all it does is invite it for the future. It’s okay to bring attention back to the negative aspects of your life but don’t let them control you, your life, your day, your relationships. . .  You have the divine right to be free. Focusing on the negativity can cause you to miss opportunities in your life - especially once in a lifetime ones. When you harp on the bad you are prolonging your suffering and using it as an excuse to stay safe within your cracked shell instead of moving forward to softer waters with less rocks and enemies. These next two weeks will be about cleaning out the people in your life and setting boundaries. . . Finally you are focusing on providing yourself with a healthy lifestyle! Cancer, if everything has a reason then there’s a reason so much wasn’t meant to stay in your life, a reason you’ve been through so much pain. .  . but how do you get there? To the revelation of it all if you aren’t willing to move towards it’s glowing light?

Attracting Money: Savings. Whether or not you’re making big life changes - moving out of your parents house, going off to college, paying for something to enhance your appearance, etc etc - the best way for you, Cancer, to not only attract but keep money in your life is to start saving! Do some savings challenges if you have to or at least start budgeting better so you can save a bit here and there. You can never tell when you’ll need them and if you don’t need them - you’ll have a hell of a vacation! Like attracts like, by having a smile on your face everything you check your bank account that actually has a decent amount of savings in it; you’re attracting even more money your way!

Leo: Two of Summer, #15 Ego, Ace of Winter.

During Mercury Retrograde, you have been a victim of miscommunication Leo. You might have said that came off much worse than you meant for it to sound or you might simply have let your temper get the best of you; regardless of what happen you stirred up some problems and have been involved in others. The good thing is that those problems are finally coming to an end, they’re being resolved and for the most part they are being resolved, even healed! The challenges you must face that have come to light have you wanting to run for the hills especially since they’re bringing up so many emotions that you simply feel you can’t handle them. . . Most of your worry stems from the material security you feel you must have in order to survive. Leo, you’ve placed a lot of emotions into your material items - no matter how big or small - but you’re in the process of a change; if you’re not physically moving than your spiritually and emotionally moving and packing your life up into boxes while being unable to take things with you can take a big toll on your energy: like a lion in it’s cage! While you fear this change at first, that famous Leo ego will step in and remind you: it’s not scary, it’s an adventure in the unknown. Be sure to communicate clearly or do your best to quickly clear up any misunderstandings; give people time to cool off. Admit your wrongs. Separate yourself from the material and learn to forgive as well as to ask forgiveness.

Attracting Money: Visualize Abundance in All Forms. Blessed by the rays of light from your ruling planet - the Sun - it’s time to focus some of the light rays into your hopes. Utilize them; surround yourself in it’s light as you visualize attracting, receiving, accepting, the abundance you need in your life.

Virgo: #10 The Wheel, Three of Winter, #20 Renewal.

As backwards as it might sound - and as backwards as Mercury Retrograde is - you’ve been putting yourself into the past a lot more lately but with the intention of reviewing it honestly in order to make a better future for yourself Virgo, and that is admirable. As you venture between the past and the present, it’s important for you to keep an objective in mind these next two weeks or you will lose yourself in it. It’s helping you to become a stronger person, someone who can handle more and someone who can lay their armor down one day soon and celebrate with their spoils of war! But until that day comes for you there is a lot of reflective work to be done; something that you, as the overanalyzer of the Zodiac hate and love to do. Beginning the 19th you’ll notice that you’re gravitating towards people more, especially ones who appear as the “mom friend” in your life. If you need to be comforted, if you need to be supported then don’t make yourself sick by denying yourself those comforts and simply asking. Trust that the people who care for you want to be there for you but that they need your permission - even with something as small as a smile. Continuing your journey . . with a hint of luck from the Irish it seems that the next two weeks following St. Paddy’s day brings some very good fortune your way. It’s not expected either as it all seems to be very spur of the moment; the wheel never stops spinning and so, life can be rather unpredictable at times. . . As the wheel of the world spins, the wheels in your life start turning as well and there’s no more time for waiting or postponing. Additionally, your freeing yourself from old mindsets here Virgo, and it’s because of this that all this luck is headed your way; rewarding you for learning from yourself. . . Blessing you for accepting those lessons and welcoming in your purpose on this Earth.

Attracting Money: Ask for Your Needs to be Met. While you learn to let others in and ask for help these next two weeks, your manner of attracting money is the same. Don’t be scared to ask loved ones for a little help here and there if it’s dire - but know that you can also directly as the source you believe in, or simply the Universe itself. Be honest and open about your needs. . . don’t plan for them to be fulfilled a certain way, simply accept that they will be fulfilled. Stand proudly as you announce, “I need help. . . I’m requesting help with. . .” because it mean you can finally trust that you don’t always have to rely on just yourself.

Libra: King of Autumn, Nine of Spring, Three of Spring.

There’s been a disturbance in the force, Libra. You feel it clear as day as you try to understand why you feel as though you’ve been pushed into survival mode or at the very least, that your survival instincts have kicked up and made you defensive of your work. In the past, you felt secure when it came to the place you worked, the place you studied, the place you socialized or presented in whatever way it was . . . But now you feel as though you’ve given a good thing up as you began to pursue higher blessings. . . Unable to force your life a certain way, you feel that it’s unstable, unbalanced even which throws you into fear. Breathe in deeply Libra, tell yourself that everything is going the way you need it to go because you are in control of your life and have a plan for it, even if the plan is as simple as “be happy.” Keep your wits about you as enemies make themselves known to you and are exposed for what they have done - especially to you - it can make them desperate. Protect your works, the “fruit of your labors” so to speak, and be patient! Keep planning for the road ahead of you while knowing that as you do good, so is good done unto you. Don’t share credit for your works either; if an idea is yours and you’ve worked hard on it while your partner goofed off and around, simply shading in a logo over and over again and driving you mad then don’t be ashamed to take the credit. It’s yours. As the month draws on Libra, you’re also finding yourself interested in doing things that benefit others and even the environment; you might find yourself recycle more, changing to green friendly, cleaning up a highway, donating to a wildlife foundation or so on. Know that if you do feel this desire; you’ve been guided divinely and should further research it - it may just hold the key to your next project.

Attracting Money: Declutter. Donations, Tithing, and Charitable Work. In order to bring and keep money into your life - especially during these next two weeks. .  You’ll need to put in the work and declutter. (Konmari method, anyone?) Declutter everything; your room, your house, your life, your friends, your schedule. . .  As these two cards came out together, you might find some good in donating things; instead of donating to a Goodwill your old hoodies, you might drive them personally to a homeless shelter and donate them there. . . Being able to see the people you are helping might inspire you or simply raise your vibration in knowing you’ve helped someone else. Your donations, your compassion; they send out energy into this world that can attract even more energy like it. Be kind and in particular for you these next few weeks Libra; be eco-friendly.

Scorpio: Four of Spring, Two of Autumn, Princess of Summer.

As we leave the emotional and self-reflective season of Pisces, a fellow water sign, and enter the the mountains of fiery Aries - you have a lot of emotions going around and the one that sticks out the most is the feeling that you have to catch up and put in the work to make up for the time out you took during Pisces season especially with the relationships that ended. It’s okay to slow down, giving yourself time to be proud of all you’ve accomplished even if it doesn’t seem like much. Some progress is better than no progress. Cutting ties with people over the last few weeks actually leads to you have a much brighter energy during these next two weeks; while you work to get them off your mind you do end up acknowledging you made the right choice by letting them go from your life - especially for those who were in situationships where jealousy played a big factor. On the other hand, the next two weeks require you to keep the same open mind and not force yourself into too many things at once in order to forget the endings you’ve undergone. Keep your time open a bit, be kind to yourself and compassionate to others because you’re social life will be flourishing as Spring makes it’s arrival known! Stronger friendships, wedding invites, party invites, family events, and even a new suitor are on their way. . . You have the next two weeks to get yourself together; opening up a space for these emotional connections in your life.

Attracting Money: Release Jealousy. Instead of looking at others with the desire to have what they have. . . be happy for them! Don’t feel bad for yourself, that you haven’t attained what they have. Everyone grows and flourishes at different paces and you are no exceptions. Stop blaming your mental health days and thank them instead, they’ve kept you sane enough to keep going! Being jealous sends out to the Universe that you are full of lacking with the intention of maintaining your lack. Be honest with yourself during this time. Do you want money? Do you want a vacation? Do you want an invention to take off? Fine. Fantastic! But why can’t someone else have it and you get it as well in your own divine timing? Why must it be one or the other? Be happy for others; their success paves way for your own.

Sagittarius: Eight of Summer, Prince of Winter, Three of Autumn.

Sagittarius, you’ve never been shy when it comes to celebrating your accomplishes but lately you’re wondering what you really get out of them? Where do they take you? In the end, what gets put on your tombstone? “Here lies. . . with X amounts of accomplishments.”? This revelation has even had you looking into the people in your life; who is dishonest? Who isn’t lying but isn’t open when you need them to be? Why do the people in your life make you feel isolated? It’s come to your attention that it’s just not worth it anymore; the natural clout that being a Sagittarius attracts just doesn’t hold the same appeal to you if it can’t be found on a deeper level and so. . . You invite these next two weeks into your life while you begin your transition to a more meaningful life. Focuses change, people leave and new ones are scarcely accepted. You’ve finally made and accepted the decision we spoke about in the last tarotscope and now it’s time to truly deal with the consequences of it. . . Sag, you’re thinking about all of this clearly and making the best intellectually based decisions you possibly can so be proud of that! You’re finally free Sagittarius. No more looking over your shoulder while you agonize over what could be a compromise; instead, you’ve decided to not compromise anymore and do what’s best for you with the knowledge that eventually, Justice is served. The changes in your life are coming and they’re coming quickly with almost no time to catch your breath. Take some of the time you use to think of the changes to think of what your talents and passions are instead, you will profit from them if you dedicate yourself to them now! Where do you want to be in five years? Ten years? What do you want your tombstone to say? The raw talent you have in you can’t be what you survive off; you deserve to thrive off your dedication. Get to it!

Attracting Money: No More Complaining. Sag, that wasn’t a typo. We all know you take a lot on your shoulders but you also have a tendency to cry about it in public - and quite frequently. Stop claiming the negative in your life, stop viewing yourself as the sole victim of things and decide that you’re going to look forward. Forgiving and releasing even if you don’t forget. In order to bring money into your life (or abundance of any kind) there can’t be traces of victimhood; you can reflect on your past to try to better understand it and you can feel hurt by people but you can not harp on it as though it’s your life purpose. Your life purpose is not to be a victim; so what is it? And how do you start getting there? What is your life goal? The next two weeks should be used to cut all negative habits and the prioritized one being to quit complaining

Capricorn: Six of Winter, Three of Autumn, Seven of Summer, Princess of Spring.

For you Capricorn, the cards suggest you’re being treated to a time of balance due to each of the suits being represented. As difficult as it might be for you; try to stay positive and dare it be said - optimistic! throughout these next few weeks; good things and great changes for you including a windfall of money! That’s exciting for you, isn’t it? You can finally free up that furrowed brow on your face and instead, welcome in the warmth of spring which is thawing out your life; bringing you little blessings. It’s essential that you stop putting things off during this time because the next two weeks are a time of preparation especially if you have any thing that will showcase your talents come up. Trust in yourself because your creativity will soar - and you might as well. . . literally! Travel is indicated with the Six of Winter which pictures a fairy on a little boat with only a light to guide him. . . The fairy, just like, is going somewhere that will light up his world. You feel guided to pursue your desires & dreams; to get yourself out there in the world and present who you are. Don’t fear being judged or that it might not be profitable. Tell yourself experience, learning things about yourself are just as profitable as some cold hard cash in your hands because eventually. . . that, at the very least, doubles your worth. Your task for the 17th-31st is to stop holding yourself back because of every little thing, instead; spread your wings and fly!

Attracting Money: Organize for Success. Capricorn, nobody takes profits as seriously as you do. So what are you missing? Why isn’t taking over your life just yet? Why haven’t you achieved your dream of being the Monopoly guy? Simple, you haven’t organized yourself. You haven’t planned for the life you dream of. . . Instead, you give off excuses to yourself like, “I just can’t right now. . . I’m too tired. I’m unmotivated. Uninspired. I’m hungry so I’ll do it later.” and so on. But do you ever actually get to it later? As an Earth sign, you suffer from the need to be surrounded in life’s luxuries and one of them is being able to take your time; yet, you put a deadline on yourself! So which is it? Consider this as you decide if you really do want to welcome abundance into your life and then settle down, creating a schedule for yourself. . . cleaning your room, your work space, getting an agenda and setting yourself up for success.

Aquarius: Queen of Autumn, Four of Winter, #5 Unity.

You may be called to become the living example of “Treat Yourself” but it would be unwise at this time. Avoid making any big purchases or indulging in the lifestyle you’d like to live; think of the Jay-Z quote, “If you can’t buy it twice, you can’t afford it.” You’re tempted to spend the money you have and the money you don’t have this first week, especially when a giving and even “stylish” person enters your life. The influence of the Queen of Autumn also doubles as a being who finds a financial supporter in a romantic interest, all of those “I’m going to become a sugar baby” jokes may have been taken seriously by the Universe - be on the look out! Continuing along the week and entering the next week; you have quite a lot on your mind because you’ve had to put off things due to lack of energy. Your need for sleep and being unable to focus because of your cluttered mind has you unsure if you should make any decisions at all - you would do best to take a small trip (perhaps to a local park or botanical gardens if that’s all you can spare resource wise), meditation,yoga, or even working out could help you clear your mind. Do not be ashamed to take a mental health day if you need it - even if you lay in bed all day. Whatever it takes to feel rested with a clearer mind, you should do. In order to make the best decision possible; you will need to focus on what the right thing is, not just the best thing. . . As confusing as that might be. Consider this: the decision is to buy a $3 ice cream cone or to spend the $3 to buy 3 different cans of food. You don’t get paid for another few days, what’s the best decision to make vs the right decision? The right decision would be to get the can of food - giving up a temporary pleasure for your well being or even your family’s, whereas buying the ice cream might be what you feel is the “best” thing to do because you’re craving it, enjoying it, and it would make you feel better for a bit. You end these two weeks with realizing that the past survived so long for a reason but it also belongs in the past for another reason. . . As the innovator and futuristic lover of the zodiac, you’re faced with the challenge of discovering the good and the bad of the old ways with the new ways; take both perspectives into consideration as you move forward to make these decisions and even more so if it’s something that requires compromise. Leave March with the satisfaction that you’ve learned to view both sides of the story. . . Utilizing them for the right and best reasons!

Attracting Abundance: Clean-Energy Food, Release Resentments about Money.

One very easy and quick way to raise your vibration & clear your energy is to be more conscious of what you’re eating. There’s a strong belief that certain raw foods (depending on their color although there are a few exceptions) correspond to your chakra. For example, if you need to work through and use your root chakra; you might incorporate cherries, blood oranges, red peppers, pomegranates into your diet more. Since “root” is a key word here; you might even look for foods that have been buried deep underground as they grew (potatoes or carrots, anyone?) Cutting out the sodas or the guilty pleasure food you eat nightly as opposed to once a week or less, could have a great impact on your energy which in turn would lead to you attracting abundance more easily. Another suggestion for you to attract abundance - money in particular - until the end of this month would be to work through the negative feelings you have towards money! Consider it; what beliefs did your guardians have about money while you were growing up? What was the financial situation like in your household? How are your savings? Don’t hate money because you feel there’s never enough, because you feel it is the key to happiness. . . Take a deeper look at it, see where your relationship to money began but more importantly. .  how you can change it to make it YOUR relationship with money, the relationship you want!

Pisces: Seven of Autumn, King of Summer, #8 Justice.

As you’ve been working through your issues. . . You’ve also decided to take a step back from living your life. Despite the fact that this would be an issue for just about any other sign, you Pisces have found a way to make your detachment from reality a strength! It gives you a way to process, heal, and even grow. As you live in your fantasy world it’s imperative that you try to figure out whether you’ll be swimming along the ocean’s current or against it. Don’t allow your fears to control you, know that Justice is on your side in this matter so long as you keep yourself focused & with a clear mind. What this means for you Pisces is pretty simple: no more procrastinating out of fear! No more thinking until you you have to start the process over again and then hiding in your head until you feel all of your problems have passed - until you face them head on, they won’t! Be on the lookout for any projects that genuinely call to your soul or even festivals; there might be someone special waiting to meet you there! To survive these next two weeks as we leave your season and enter into Aries. . . make a decision to speak with the truth, with a kind and loving heart at all times and to do the best for yourself as well as others. Despite being the fish who constantly fights to not drown in the waters of their own emotions, you do have a tendency to take it out or even blame others. Make it clear to yourself you’re no longer welcoming that sense of victimhood into your life because you’re taking control of your own life. Be open to any observations or advice a soft masculine energy might provide.

Attracting Abundance: Positivity, Faith, and Optimism.

If you’ve temporarily parted ways with your belief - or at the very least, put them on the backburner. . . It’s time to welcome them into your life. Even if they aren’t the same as they used to be, that’s normal.  . You’ve grown, you’ve evolved, ascended. But welcome faith and optimism back into your life; the emotions from your season are finally relaxing and you can come up to the surface for much needed air. As you do that though Pisces, take into consideration all the wonderful things you have in your life and could bring into your life if you could just manage to keep an optimistic view on life. . .  Reprogram yourself to find the good in life; to look forward to what life brings you, especially when it’s something you’ve been hoping for. Remember not to let self-pity run your life because that is your biggest problem, biggest set-back. Free yourself from the shackles you’ve placed on yourself. When you live under the water your cup might not seem like it’s overflowing.

                            Tip Jar | Paid Readings  | Buy Me A Ko-Fi

[thewonderingsorceress]

PSA - Activity 4/20-5/09

Here’s an update on how things have been going and will go for here and on discord 

So first off, yesterday was a day out of the twilight zone for me: A) I went to a meeting and spoke about some of the things that have been going on with a class that’s required at the schoool (Discrimination, not being taught, etc), which was an interesting and stressful and frustrating experience; I then found out another thing about our curve that really screws me, I had a talk with my mentor who only tells me that we’re being babies for not just ignoring the discrimination and to chill out, I had a practice oral argument that I was not prepared for and hate doing, I then just felt this exhaustion that just went to the bone only to get an text from a friend at the school who decided to take a leave fo absence a WEEK before the exams - meaning she won’t be taking the exams and will try again in the fall should she decide to, which is a waste of money and the scholarship someone could have gotten and all that emotional anguish was for nothing the past 5 months. I was surprised beyond words that she decided to do that, she was obviously stressed but to decide to do that is insane. So I am still a bit stunned from that.

Now as I said it is a week before finals as of monday, and the two hardest and most credited classes are my first two exams. Also,  I mentioned it last week, but a family friend died and her funeral is this Monday, as well as my graded oral argument- so needless to say I am probably going to be drained, and by then I Am going to be studying for finals as well. I have a shit tone of studying to do and such. 

Discord note: If I owe you on discord or you messgae me and you see I am on- I am not ignoring you. I am on discord on calls with other students studying and will probably not be replying because I can’t be doing a back and forth. 

So what does this mean for activity, it means that I will probably be answering threads and asks on Tumblr only during this period, during my breaks or the few classes I have left. I feel less stressed to get a reply done on tumblr than I do on places like discord. 

My last exam is on the 10th of May, and then celebration time with some friends, but I should be back on during that time. 

I do have classes over the summer and I am hoping for an internship, BUT I should be able to be here more regularly after my finals, and my classes are done around July 23rd and will have time to really go in on tumblr before classes start up again on the 3rd week of August. 

Thank you for understanding! I appreciate everyone who’s been understanding. 

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

I’m back

Okay lovely people, especially the soccer fandom that has stayed with me...

Before I even say a single word, I need to address this. My inbox currently contains 99+ messages. Yes, you heard that right. So if I have not responded to your message in literally months, that is the reason. I deeply, deeply apologize, and I want to stress that I will try to make time for everything and maximize my  time management skills in the future. I have detailed the other reasons for my disappearance below as well.

Now that finals are almost over and I have adjusted more to my new school, I am able to pay more attention and put more effort into my account. These past few months I haven’t been on tumblr at all, and lately I’ve only been liking posts instead of reblogging them or even *gasp* creating my own posts. But I have arisen out of the ashes like a phoenix to say that I will now try to put as much effort into maintaining this blog as I can! I am determined to make it work and balance out my schoolwork, extracurriculars, and social media accounts!

To give you all a glimpse into my life and my responsibilities...

I go to a VERY difficult school with a ton of schoolwork.

I spend most of my time after school participating in a variety of extracurriculars.

It’s a residential school, and the WiFi goes off at 11:30...and I don’t have a hotspot.

Did I mention the workload??!

Not only that! I have other social medias that need maintaining as well.

Facebook (for school)

Instagram (basically to keep up with soccer & Habesha cultural stuff)

Snapchat (to keep up with news of people in my school)

This account (for obvious reasons)

Wattpad (I’ve barely logged on in so long)

Reddit (I LOVE REDDIT OKAY)

Quora (gotta help people get them answers amirite)

Quotev (which is hella dead)

Pinterest (gotta look at them pics)

Imgur (refer to parentheses above)

AO3 (which is basically dead because I haven’t found time to write fanfiction AT ALL)

A fucking DEAD Discord account that to be fair I never use anymore

etc.

My typical day looks like this:

Wake up, go to school, etc.

Call my mother for at least 15 minutes a day. If my sister is able to call me, that’s basically an hour out of my schedule right there.

Finish homework due the next day.

Check texts to see if my parents/in person friends have texted me.

Check Facebook and Messenger to stay in touch with school things.

Watch Snapchat and Instagram stories for the latest topical news.

Usually, by the time all that has been finished, it is already 11:30 and my time is completely gone. It makes me so mad.

After doing all that, I start working on homework due the next day. The grind pretty much never stops. I’m pretty sure it will only stop after finals, and even then only temporarily. However, I am so willing to grind my ass off in order to reclaim my life.

I’m so profoundly upset and saddened by the number of online friends I have lost due to the mental, physical, and psychological stresses that have been put on me ever since I entered school. They think the reason I have disappeared is because I don’t care about them, but that is not it at all whatsoever. I love them far more than I could ever love myself. My love for them is so deep and I wish I could cut out my heart from my chest so they could see it bleed for them. I hope they know who they are as they read this, if they read this. It has been such a difficult adjustment in my life for me that I’ve basically cut off all ties just so I can stay successful. My grades have been slipping and I’m so terrified that I won’t be able to pay for my college education because I can’t get scholarships with Bs on my transcript because of the astronomical amount of competition. In general, I’m just...really scared.

My mental health has severely deteriorated ever since an incident occurred to me over the summer, close after the end of school. I think that is why the World Cup and soccer had such an effect on me - I was so lost, and needed something in my life that would make me happy and make life worth living again, and that was soccer, right there in its beautiful glory for me to fall in love with and feel love again. However, I am determined not to let the darkness win. I HAVE to fight back. It is the only way I can reclaim everything I have lost.

Here are my goals for the future. I want to share them with you all. So that they’re out there in the world and I have no choice but to commit.

Finish ALL my homework and STUDY.

Start a YouTube channel containing my song covers.

I put these in bullet points because these are running goals, so they’re in progress.

Send my sister all of her photos. I’m an asshole for making her wait this long. I’m an asshole for making all of you wait this long.

Respond to all 99+ inbox messages I’ve received. (I’m so sorry, all of you. I will reply, I swear. Just give me time. I know you already have.)

Respond to all my Wattpad messages.

Respond to all my emails on all of my accounts and clean up all of my email accounts, especially when it comes to writing emails to my business card people plaguing my phone!

Organize all of my photos and upload them to either my Drive or Google Photos so I can blissfully mass delete them and gain a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and indescribable joy.

Eliminate all of the open incognito tabs on my phone.

Organize both of my Google Drives, especially their folders and individual docs.

Clean up my Spotify ffs!!!

Finish my Very Long Fanfic Project.

Write other fanfics that I’ve been planning to write for such a long time, before I either lose inspiration or forget about them altogether. Making sure they are oneshots and not Very Long Fanfic Projects so they’ll, like, actually get written finished.

Reorganize and revolutionize my tumblr page so it is more clean with better tags. Also maybe change its HTML/CSS up so it’s more lit.

Fix all of my old Wattpad accounts, the ones that weren’t my main account. I feel like some people were counting on those.

Finish all of my old fanfics. Every single one that I started and never quite completed (on AO3 AND Wattpad).

Resurrect my Quora, Quotev, and Reddit accounts from the internet grave. They are pretty much my ultimate failed experiments.

Begin doing research on internships, colleges, and career choices, as well as interests and hobbies or stuff you’d like to learn how to do.

Start writing my own original works - including, but not limited to - books, short stories, poems, songs, raps, editorial articles, essays, and film scripts.

Finish Mr. Robot, Hannibal, and Sherlock.

Watch SKAM Austin.

Start watching movies.

As you can see, this is a very long ass list. I know it will take a long time. I know it will not be easy. But sometimes, writing things down and realizing how difficult they will be to accomplish is the first step in actually fixing them. I hope I can.

thanks for coming to my ted talk everyone. please dm me if you have any questions with what i said above. i love you all.

[oddcoupler222]

Ooookay! So, ahem, here is the tale (in vague/loose outline form):

So when Ellie is 15 she meets the Love of Her Life. Madelyn (18) goes to college and when her parents and Ellie help move her into school on the first day, they meet Madelyn's roommate Amelia, and Ellie has a crush almost immediately

Some little fun stuff on Amelia Holt: born and raised in Dorne, and has not had the easiest life. Born to a younger, single mother. They didn’t have a lot of money when she was young, and her mom was (is) a drug addict, which has resulted in a lot of ins and outs of the foster system for her, a lot of trust issues. But she is also super smart and has a willpower made of iron, and did everything she could (working part time jobs through high school, getting scholarships and loans up the ass) to go to college in King’s Landing and Make Something of Herself.

Meanwhile, Madelyn and Amelia (after a somewhat rocky start because they are both outspoken and headstrong, and they have some… misunderstandings at first) become basically bff. And because of Amelia’s home life – and Madelyn asking what she’s doing over their first holiday break, and she informs her that she is staying at school), Madelyn ends up bringing her home for holidays and vacations and stuff bc that's who Madelyn is. Highkey brotp

Meanwhile, all of this only makes Ellie's crush SO BAD because Amelia is always there and pays attention to her and is so smart etc (and she’s also a lesbian, so big time sexual awakening for her). So, quiet, shy teenage Ellie spends a couple of years with this huge crush, and Amelia is always takes the time to talk to her and SEE her, because - she is best friends with Madelyn, but she can see how Ellie feels somewhat overshadowed and how uncomfortable Ellie feels in the whole “living in the limelight” life she’d had.

When she's 17, she gathers all her courage and kisses Amelia (who is  20 at the time). And is not like SHOCKED tbh, because Ellie’s crush has been fairly obvious over the years, with the blushing and all, but she is shocked that she actually kissed her. And she regretfully has to let Ellie down because they have an age difference and she doesn't see Ellie like that right now. She is like really sweet about it because she does care about Ellie (and this whole family that has taken her in)

Ellie is MORTIFIED and like runs away from her and tells her to please never mention it again, to anyone, especially not Maddie

The next time they see each other is a month or so later, when Madelyn gets a call from Marg that Ellie was in a car accident. She's out with Amelia at the time so they both go to the hospital, and Ellie is basically fine (scrapes and a broken arm). But everyone makes a fuss (esp Marg and Madelyn. Plot twist, you might think it would be Sansa. However, Sansa is definitely like Catelyn when she's older. I just imagine in general, she is used to watching kids, babysitting, watching her mother be a mother, too - she can’t 100% know what it's going to be like to be a mom, but she has an idea of what it's going to be like. And there are moments where she panics, too, like the first time one of the girls gets in an accident, and she is /always/ a mother hen, like when they get sick and stuff. But ultimately is the one who calms Marg down when like baby-Madelyn has a sniffle and Margaery is like "we should bring her to the doctor" and Sansa is like, "we just need to keep an eye on her" and ends up comforting Marg

Or, in the event of Ellie's teenage car accident, both Sansa and Marg get to the hospital in a worry, and once they talk to the doctors and both see her for themselves and are able to hug her and coddle her, Sansa calms down and is like, everything is all right. And Marg is pacing the hospital room, being like, I will actually find this person who hit your car and kill him. I really will" and vacillates between that and deciding that Ellie shouldn't leave the house for another few weeks). And Madelyn’s very similar to Marg… as in she walks in and Ellie’s relieved and is like "Thank god you're here, I'm pretty sure moms are ready to put me in an adult size stroller and never let me out of their sight -" and then gets cut off because Madelyn gives her a huge hug and is all, "Are you okay?!" and Ellie's all Nooo not you too

Ellie is mortified still to see Amelia, who is a little apologetic for being there… Then later that night Amelia seeks her out and they talk. Ellie being embarrassed and awkward "you didn't have to come, I'm fine" and Amelia is like "Madelyn was worried. And so was I." And then she asks how Ellie is about the kiss. Which Ellie is like "I thought we weren't ever talking about that" and Amelia gives her a little speech (that she truly believes) about how in a couple of years, Ellie is going to have everyone she wants at her disposal and she'll forget all about her older sister's best friend. Ellie is - pffft, yeah right. But they go back to not having things so awkward between them.

Ellie soon moves to the North and is going to an art school (after leaving King's Landing after high school, she started an art school in the North, then transferred for an internship in another region for 2 years, then spent the next 6 traveling to different cities, only staying for like 3-6 month spans) and they see one another only a few times over the next couple of years.

An interlude - when Ellie's 20 and at her moms’ for the summer, Amelia is there, too. And she has just had a reunion with her mom and a recent breakup with the first serious girlfriend she's had to try to deal with her Intimacy Issues, and then Ellie is there and always looks at her like she's amazing and NOT a complete fake/messed up human being, and she's a little tipsy...

And so Ellie and Amelia sort of hookup. Like make out, some touching, clothes are starting to be taken off (essentially, Ellie's dream coming true). Before Amelia realizes what she's doing and stops herself and cuts it off, and is feeling - so weird because she is attracted to Ellie right now, but also feeling like shit because she is a MESS and the last thing she wants is to mess Ellie up with her, and she doesn't want Ellie to see that part of her, either (because, well, she's NEVER taken advantage of Ellie's crush on her before, but it's always been sort of nice to have her look up to her/live up to the image Ellie had of her, in a way)

But that, after the rejection that night, is what really does it to break Ellie's heart and Amelia feels like the world's worst person after. Which also cues a scene the following morning - when Ellie has left unprecedentedly early (and would subsequently very rarely return home for long stretches of time/decide to go abroad soon after) - of Madelyn coming in and being like "GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE -- gods, what happened to you last night? You like awful." she's joking, but then Amelia thinks about everything that happened with Ellie (and her mom and her ex-gf) and just sort of breaks down. And Madelyn is there for her, trying to comfort her, and asks about what happened, and Amelia wants to tell her everything. So she tells her a little. About her mom and breakup, anyway, because the only person she can talk to about that stuff is Madelyn, who she loves so much, who is like the sister she never knew she wanted until she had her. Which just makes her cry more, because she can't ever tell Madelyn about what she did with Madelyn's actual sister (aka hook up with her and break her heart)

The next few years… are sort of awkward. They don’t really spend much time one on one after that, but they do see each other, since Ellie obviously is in KL and spends time with her moms and sister at least during holidays/a few times a year. Plus, by this point, Amelia is sort of an honorary member of the family. So whenever there is a cousin’s wedding or big event, she’s invited. Things eventually stop being awkward, but there’s still a little tension there now. Eye contact, moments, you know.

Like at one bachelorette party like a year or two prior to Ellie moving back to KL, all of the cousins/friends are hanging out and drinking, and talking about love lives. And like on the topic of heartbreak, Madelyn is like “Okay, Ellie, what do you know about it? You have women that you hookup with all over the world, some of whom have gone so far to contact you after to send stuff here and you are a cool cucumber” (she’s joking. Kind of. Ellie’s notorious love life is something they joke about a lot). and Ellie just drinks and is like, “Yeah, that’s me.” But Amelia (who is engaged at this point in time and should not ever have romantic thoughts about Ellie when they see one another… but… that’s not necessarily the case) can think about the fact that she has definitely seen Ellie all heartbroken is like, “Okay, that’s enough.”

Which leads us to – when Ellie is 28, she moves back to KL because she’s going to be doing an art show in a gallery there, and the deal she has is going to be lasting for a few months, at least. And she ends up moving in with Amelia, who has a spare room. Because Madelyn is like, it’s a perfect solution, Ellie doesn't know how long she's staying, Amelia was going to rent out that room (in an apartment she moved into with her ex over a year ago, so it’s bigger than she would want for herself now that they are broken up but she can’t break her lease), and now my favorite two people are going to be in the same place!

And Ellie is like, yeah.... (facepalm bc she still has an ongoing THING for Amelia that she even tries to deny to herself sometimes but.) and Amelia at first is like, this will be good! Until she realizes that cute and idealistic and sweet Ellie is now very attractive and successful and still sweet older Ellie and now she's sharing her apartment... (and now that her engagement had crashed and burned, in part because she was accused of not being able to be open enough with her fiancée – plus she has sort of been using that relationship as a way to not ever see Ellie in another light. which also didn’t always work)

Ellie isn't like super awkward anymore and doesn't like blush all the time around Amelia, and has seen her multiple times over the last ten years, so she has like - dealt with her feelings enough so that it's in the back of her mind and manageable. It’s just a part of her life now. Esp because she thinks Amelia will only ever see her the way she did when she was 17

Like, while in a lot of ways, Ellie is overall a lot like Sansa, her romantic life is a lot like Marg's. As in, she spent 10 years, and in her travels, she would hook up with people and have flings or short relationships with them, but never was interested in anything serious, and just... she’s only fallen for one person seriously and can’t get out of it

Meanwhile, Amelia was in a relationship and was engaged and it got broken off like 10 months or so before Ellie moved back to KL, and Ellie is the first person she feels safe to try something new with, mostly because it doesn't feel like trying something new, but like settling into something that has always been here. But don’t get it wrong, it’s still kind of terrifying to contemplate being in a Thing with Ellie after all this time.

So Amelia is now in a struggle with her attraction and feelings. Like what if she makes a move and it messes something up with her dynamic in the Tyrell family, who she has really become close to in the last 13 years.

They sort of start out as awkward roommates… and then start to feature nights watching things together on tv, which leads to them bonding, and they start having dinners and conversations. Late nights eating their shared favorite ice cream. Which is so weirdly nice for Amelia, to actually talk to Ellie instead of hearing updates from others and only seeing snippets of her. Getting to hear all of her stories and travels. And on the flipside, for Ellie, it’s like. She has had very serious and intense feelings for Amelia, but she has never gotten to get to KNOW her one on one with both of them being adults. It’s really like falling into a dream for her.

Aaaand then one of their nights watching shows sort of leads into Ellie sitting with a sketchpad and drawing Amelia who... has always had a face Ellie loves to draw and photograph. It’s the first time Amelia actually sees it, though, and it leads to a Moment. A heated kiss, that ends early, with Ellie pulling away and worrying, because this… is how she gets her heartbroken all over again. so Ellie pulls away and dives into work, trying not to be home too often.

Which leads Amelia, who feels like the Spark for Ellie, like she is really already falling for her, to seek her out at her studio space. Which leads to a talk… and then some more kissing. And they agree to start something but decide to keep it discreet and casual for now, because their lives are so intertwined, and they need to figure out what they are doing.

This features a lot of sneaking around, amusing hijinks, and one morning where Madelyn enters the apartment and they are both naked in Amelia’s bed, only waking up when the door to the apartment closes/they hear Madelyn. And Ellie hops up and runs to hide in the closet, just in time for Madelyn to open the door and be like…. Well someone has clearly been holding out on me, who are you sleeping with?! And Amelia stuttering over how it’s a secret, and then diving (wrapped in a sheet) to stop Madelyn from opening her closet to borrow a jacket. And Madelyn asking where tf Ellie is, because she wasn’t in her room, and Amelia badly lying about not knowing. (and once Madelyn leaves, opening the closet to see Ellie now “dressed” in a mis-matched outfit of Amelia’s that she pulled on just in case Madelyn opened the door, and Amelia is SO endeared, and has to keep her laughing down bc Madelyn is still there, waiting for her). Thus ensues Madelyn making jokes about figuring out who Amelia is sleeping with and asking Ellie what she knows, and both of them like choking on their drinks, etc

Eventually Amelia falls in love with Ellie and she doesn't know what to do because like. Ellie is just acting the way she always has, plus... she never stays in one place too long. She was right, years ago, when she said that Ellie would one day have the world (and the women in it), and now she is the one who feels at a loss.

Culminating in Sansa, Marg, and Madelyn finding out about them over lunch one day – well, Amelia makes a big confession. Madelyn is shocked, but Amelia looks at Sansa and Marg, who are both like "oh, wow!" but it's not actually /surprised/ and she's like, "... you knew?" And Sansa is like #badliar, "No! No, no, we didn't know, we -" and Marg cuts her off and is like, "We knew." And a Sansa/Marg eye contact moment where like - at this point, they've been married for 30 years, and they don't need words to have the conversation where Sansa is like "we've agreed that we have both known Ellie has been in love with Amelia for ten years and not to bring it up until she did!" and Marg is all, "And she just brought it up! Our time has come!".. the whole convo happens with a look. And this leads into Madelyn going to talk to Amelia - she asks for like the WHOLE story, so Amelia starts with Ellie kissing her when she was 17, and Amelia is like "You kissed my underage sister?! This started when she was 17?!" And Amelia is all, "NO! I turned her down!" "You turned my sister down?? Ellie? She's gorgeous and smart and -" "Oh, my gods, can I talk?!" "Right. Sorry"

Ending featuring Ellie’s art show, where Amelia goes as her date, and it’s sort of a perfect night. But Ellie also gets other offers from galleries all over to go there next, and it induces a panic in Amelia. Who then makes a speech to Ellie about how she has always felt this like draw towards her and how she has been trying to do the right thing by her for ten years and she knows Ellie has probably moved on from when she used to be in love with her, because it has been so long, and will likely leave KL again and take the world by storm, but she's missed her every time she left in the last ten years and now she knows why and she doesn't know how to deal with missing her even more.

And it really breaks down every barrier Ellie has had to try to protect herself this time around, because she's been in love with her since she was 15 and it doesn't matter where she goes or how long she's away, because all she's wanted has been for Amelia to tell her she wants her too.

Of course.

 And as it turns out, she has made a deal with this gallery for renewed contracts for work. So. Happy ending all around!

[academiceve]

How To Make The Most Out of Your University Degree

If you’re wondering how to have a great university experience this post is for you! This will also provide you with some advice if you feel like you could do more at university or would like be more involved. 

I’m a strong believer in that my college experience would be defined by the effort that I put in and not by the environment that is set up for me. It doesn’t really matter which school you go to, as long as you put in the effort and involve yourself on and off campus! These tips are based on my personal experience only; therefore, take it with a grain of salt. You don’t need to go to university to be successful and it is definetely not for everyone (and that’s ok), but you can always improve your current situation, so I hope this helps!

1. Joing CLUBS/EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES. It’s a great way to be involved and feel more welcome on campus, as well as network and make friends! I would recommend joining clubs during your freshman year, because you want to get the most out of being a member of a club. You can start with specific clubs for your major/minor, interests, sports, hobbies, etc. Freshman year I joined a psychology club, which was initiated by students from my major. It allowed me to meet and network with upperclassmen and professors from our department - a valuable experience! Later I participated in the student leadership program (I could only join sophomore year). I became a freshman student leader and helped with organizing orientation week, as well as teach a freshman seminar course alongside a professor (it was a great experience! I got to share my college tips like I do here!). Senior year I joined the student leadership program again, this time as an international exchange and Erasmus intern. After my personal experience studying abroad (more about that below), I wanted to help out and make friends with incoming study abroad students! I was able to help them answer any questions, organize orientation and be their friend! It was great! My advice is to not worry about not being able to study and find time to join extracurricular activities, they’re a great way to learn time-manegement skills!

2. Attend EVENTS. There are many various events happening on campus and outside. So check your Facebook events page to see what’s happening near you! Events provide you with opportunities to meet new people, network, as well as learn something new, especially if they’re conferences, speeches/talks/discussions, research presentations, etc. I’d also suggest attending events of your department, as well as university community. It’s a great way to network and meet new people, interact with professors and have fun while doing it! Often these events are free or offer great student discounts!

3. VOLUNTEER. Volunteering is wonderful for those who would like to give back to their community and be involved in something meaningful. My university made an effort to emphasize servant leadership/volunteering to us as a great way to help our communities and also gain experience. For certain majors where you can’t necessarily get internships or job opportunities (like psychology), volunteering is the next best thing. For psychology majors, I would highly recommend volunteering at hospitals, homeless shelters, day centers or help lines, because some provide training and great experience of what kind of work you could pontentially do. Most of my fellow class mates volunteered at help lines, because they provide training and allow you to complete an internship/practicum for credit.  While on a gap year, I’m volunteering at a Tedx event, a psychology lab at my university (I was invited to volunteer by my mentor), as well as a youth help line. It’s awesome to do meaningful work and grad schools look for volunteering experience in all applicants! 

4. INTERNSHIPS/JOBS. Finding a job can be beneficial for both you and your wallet. Most universities have on campus student jobs that you can work part-time and make a little bit of money! It will also allow you to meet new people! You can look for more serious (full-time) positions during the summer holidays (or winter break, if it’s long enough). Getting a job will provide you with valuable experience, help network with people and earn money. Internships are also great for gaining experience, and students can have internships during school or in the summer. The key to success at a job or an internship is to always be present and show initiative to do more. I keep talking about doing more, so if you would like to learn more about that HERE is a great video! 

5. Study ABROAD. My study abroad experience in South Korea was the highlight of my university experience (dramatic much?). I honestly couldn’t have made a better decision than to study abroad! It allowed me to escape my campus bubble, explore an unfamiliar environment, learn and grow, meet new people and travel! What more could I ask for? The people I met and the friends that I made truly made the experience that more special! I chose South Korea because it was very far away and not many people were willing to go, as well as it was the only country I could go to with my major. It was an international exchange program, but you can still try Erasmus and study abroad in a different country in Europe! It’s great, because Erasmus gives out good scholarships, which makes studying abroad available to a lot more students! I’d highly recommend applying to study abroad somewhere new, I wouldn’t change this experience for the world! 

So there you go, my top 5 tips as to how you can do more to make the most out of your university experience! These activities will also help you boost your CV/resume, so get involved and have fun doing it! I hope you found the information included in this post helpful. 

If you would like to read more from me, click HERE to see other blog posts! You can also follow my studygram HERE for some inspiration! 

[wanderlustingvegan-blog]

the first one

I was sitting in my Academic Advisor’s office when this whole journey started. We were planning my classes for the fall semester in my second year at Binghamton University when she said, “Wow, you have a lot of credits for a freshman. Have you ever thought about graduating early?” No, the thought never crossed my mind. Although I’ve always loved school and learning new things, I never thought I was the student that could finish college early. But low and behold, the AP classes I took in high school and the summer internship I took in Manhattan paid off with 16 credits toward my degree. I already skipped an entire semester of college. I talked through a plan with my advisor; if I took winter and summer classes for the next two years, I could graduate a year early. College in just three years? I was paying for my education myself, so if I didn’t have to pay another $12k out off pocket, or apply to 10+ scholarships for another year, I was in.

But, what would I do in this extra year that I would’ve spent in school? I could start with getting a job, working for a nonprofit in the city, and make money as soon as I could. Or I could do something more worthwhile… what if I traveled for a year? I’ve always dreamed of traveling since I was younger, I’ve always wanted to hop on a train or a plane and explore. I started doing some research and the trip seemed possible. After going to Israel for Birthright the winter before I started making these plans, I knew I wanted to go back and live there for at least a month. But there were so many more countries that intrigued me; I didn’t know where to start! By the time my third year rolled around, I made more plans, booked some flights, and my trip became real. I was really doing this. I was traveling across the world by myself for 6 months.

I stayed in touch with a few people from my Birthright trip and one of them mentioned a program called Onward Israel to me as we were catching up. She did the 2-month internship program the summer after we did Birthright together and was working as a representative for them now – after I applied, I had my interview with her and was approved immediately! The program required a down payment that went towards living in an apartment for 2 months, along with interning at an Israeli company and getting a stipend for food; it was a great deal for what I paid for. The experience was one I will never forget. Not only was this program how I started off my travels abroad, but it was the longest I would be spending in one place. I planned to stay for 2-4 weeks in my other destinations and was traveling by myself, too. But this experience was unlike anything else I’d encounter in the rest of my journey. A few days before I moved in, I found out my apartment was filled with 9 other girls. As I walked through the door, it looked more like a loft than an apartment. My name was on the dining room table, along with a key, and I put my things in the first room I saw. No one else was home but later, I found out that I shared the room with two other girls, strangely reminding me of my life in the dorms back at college.

The whole program felt very structured at first. We had weekly activities that were either about Israeli history, society, politics, etc. or about us – the interns. As much as these activities were informative, some were meant to have us socialize and get to know each other – forcibly. I did connect with a few people on the program, but that took weeks of me becoming comfortable around them. In the beginning I was just around strangers. I didn’t have anything in common with them except for the program we were all on together. Although I spent a lot of time with them and got to know them, there was still a part of me that felt lonely, that truly became homesick. I missed my friends that I recently graduated with, who were all still in the college-town we made so many memories in. I missed my sister, who started a new job and was making strides in her art career in Manhattan. I was starting to miss a lot of people and wondered if I was cut out for living on the other side of the world for the next several months. Luckily, my loneliness subsided as I befriended a few of the girls I lived with. They were the first to show me how genuine friendships can come out of the most unexpected places.

One moment shifted my views on the program, as I got to know one of my roommates, Mina. We had a lot in common from the moment we met – similar music taste, our views on Judaism, our spiritual beliefs, and the difficulties life threw at us when we were too young to heal ourselves properly. I mentioned that I wanted to go to the Western Wall one morning on Shabbat because I haven’t gone since Birthright and wanted to recognize the holiday in the most holy place on Earth. Shabbat, or the Sabbath, is the day of rest for Jews. From sundown Friday to sundown Saturday, Israel has everything closed for 24 hours – grocery stores, shopping centers, most restaurants, etc. – to ensure that everyone is resting, or keeping Shabbos. The people on my program, all being Western 20-somethings, were always looking to make plans and find something to do together on Shabbat, but not a lot of people were religious. Mina and I bonded over the fact that we didn’t think of ourselves as very religious, but we did see ourselves as spiritual Jews. She agreed to come with me to pray at the Western Wall on Saturday morning and the experience was completely different than the last time I was there. We walked from our apartment in Rehavia (a neighborhood in Jerusalem) to the Old City. It wasn’t until we entered through the old Yellowstone arch that we realized we were not going anywhere near the entrance of the Western Wall. Google maps isn’t the best for taking you to the exact location in a place like Jerusalem’s Old City, and instead of trying to find signs to tell us where to go, we were millennials that trusted Google would get us there in no time. Eventually, we put our phones away, trusted our instincts, and wandered around the different quarters of the Old City until we found the signs pointing to the Kotel, or the Wailing Wall in Hebrew. 

We entered through the Jewish quarter and found the entrance for women, since there are sections for men, women, and an egalitarian section which is where I went during Birthright. But being surrounded by other Jewish women of various origins and sects of Judaism was comforting. I felt like I belonged and followed Mina to get a prayer book, find a table to open to Hebrew prayers, and start to pray. It was overwhelming. Anyone who has been to the Kotel knows, the feeling you get when you are in front of a wall that large, with so much history and meaning behind it. It’s a feeling like no other. My heart started to ache and tears were streaming down my face as I spoke to G_d and connected with myself again. I looked over at Mina and she was sitting, eyes watering, deep in thought looking into her prayer book. We made eye contact and went to touch the wall, finish our prayers, and walked backwards to put our prayer books away and head home.

Getting out of the Kotel wasn’t difficult but we realized that we came out of the furthest exit from the direction we needed to go back to Rehavia – 40 minutes of walking in the sunny, 90+ degree weather that Israeli summers are known for. We decided to stop in a park on the way back to lay down, relax, and take off our layers of modest clothing. The stop in the park and walk back to our apartment was when Mina and I truly became friends. We opened up to each other about the most personal subjects, shared childhood stories with each other, and realized that we both needed each other that summer. She helped me remember how incredible my life was when I’d feel lonely or upset about missing home. Although the program we were on was completely different from how I wanted my travels to start off, it still brought me this incredible, strong, compassionate, and loving friend that I never would’ve met otherwise. It was hard saying goodbye knowing that she lives in Indiana, a far trip from New York, but I know our paths will cross again. 

After leaving my life in Jerusalem and starting my journey as a solo traveler, there were moments that I missed my friends I made in Onward Israel. I was only an hour away from my home in Rehavia when I went to my next long-term destination in a city in the West Bank called Ramallah, also known as the capital of Palestine. I spent a month working at a hostel in the center of the city and rarely felt lonely at this point of my trip, mainly because the people that surrounded me were some of the most genuine and kind people I’ve met. Working a hostel was an experience on its own but the fact that I was constantly surrounded by people, whether it was guests or other volunteers, was something I enjoyed getting used to. Like the friends I made during Onward Israel, I found my core group of friends at the Hostel in Ramallah too – Fanny, Caleb, and Carina. We all arrived around the same time, in the beginning of September, and over the weeks we spent cleaning, helping guests, and taking our days off to travel around the West Bank, we grew really close. Although I loved spending time with each and every one of them, I wanted to take a trip to the north of the region and had to do it on my own – I craved alone time towards the end of my 4 weeks of volunteering. Every week I’d get one day off, which I didn’t use until my last week there, so I planned a trip for 4 days to go to 3 cities in the North: Tiberias, Nazareth, and Haifa. 

Unfortunately, the days I chose to leave Ramallah and head into Israel was the same day as Sukkot, one of the many Jewish holidays Israel recognizes and similar to how it handles Shabbat – everything is closed. Since Sukkot lasts 7 days and Israel can’t close everything down for a week, the first day is treated like Shabbat while the remaining 6 days are left to be celebrated after sundown, most places close early and buses run less frequently. My travels became delayed and frustrating at times when I had to take the bus to travel to the different cities, spending at least a couple hours each way. On my way from Tiberias to Nazareth, I needed to transfer buses on the highway and did my long-term traveling at night so I could sleep on the bus and spend the whole day in the city. During this time I didn’t have any data left on my Israeli cell phone plan, so I needed to load directions on my phone while I had Wi-Fi at the hostel in Tiberias. Unfortunately, the first bus I took was running late so by the time I had to transfer to the next bus, I was late for the time Google maps told me. I couldn’t load the schedule to see when the next bus was coming (due to the lack of data) but I knew it would take some time because of Sukkot.

So here I am, me and my backpack, on the shoulder of a highway. At 9:30pm. In northern Israel. I kept looking at the screen above me, waiting for my bus number to pop up and eventually I see it, “431 – 47 mins.” I laughed. How do I keep myself occupied for 47 minutes? I couldn’t read my book, it was too dark to see anything. I was listening to music at the time and no one was around me, so I popped one earbud out of my ear, put on my “Billie Eilish: Complete Collection” playlist on Spotify, and started to sing. I’ve loved to sing since I was a child, I would even get yelled at for humming at the dinner table too much. Music and singing are things I couldn’t live without, and whenever I need to cheer myself up, I start to sing. I sang my heart out as cars zoomed past me in the dead of night. I started with “idontwannabeyouanymore,” then “COPYCAT,” then “party favor,” over and over. I was shameless of the drivers that might’ve seen my body language as I got more intense with my performance. It got to a point when the cars were almost like an audience, their headlights were like stage lights. After going through the playlist a couple times and singing the same songs at the top of my lungs, I checked the sign: “431 – 6 mins.” I’ve been singing for more than a half hour and it felt like nothing! I can’t remember the last time I had the chance to sing completely carefree – no time restrictions, no fear of someone walking in on me, no interference. This unexpected inconvenience was a shift in my solo travels. It made the time by myself go from lonely and boring to refreshing and entertaining. No matter who I took that little trip to the north with, it wouldn’t have been the same if I wasn’t alone.

In October, I got on a flight to Poland and in the following 2 months, there were times I felt lonely – but I could handle it more gracefully than how I would’ve in the middle of June. There were times when I wished for a friend I could explore an unknown part of the city with. After meeting new people day in and out, I started to dismiss the small talk and craved a deep conversation with a friend over dinner. This is when I became grateful for traveling in the 21st century where my closest friends were just a phone call away. If I ever had a day of feeling lonely, I could easily find a place with Wi-Fi and call my sister or my best friend. It’s important to have a few people you can always call while traveling solo. Although the time difference was tricky, it was a constant part of my routine to have people I cared about still be there for me. I knew they couldn’t be there physically, but they kept me company when the loneliness took over my mind.

As much as I am a social person, I appreciated my alone time more and more as I traveled by myself. Growing up, I identified as an extrovert – I was the one who got scolded by the teacher because I was always talking to my classmates. I love talking, I love people, but there’s also a comfort I found with being by myself. Traveling gave me the opportunity to release my inner introvert. When I was going to school, I juggled two jobs, maintained a social life and went to the gym daily, never having time to stop and think about myself. Having all the time in the world to listen to my thoughts and recognize my feelings – that’s where I found bliss. My stress became alleviated when I could wander around cities by myself, walk into shops I found interesting, and sit at the bar of a restaurant to read, or converse with the waiters and other strangers eating by themselves. Meeting other people while traveling was one of my favorite parts of traveling by myself, but it did get exhausting at times. When staying at hostels every week, meeting new people constantly, you hear the same questions with the same basic replies,

“Where are you from?”                          “Wow, New York!”

“What made you want to come here?”              “Oh, I came for vacation”

“How long are you here for?”               “I’m here for x days”

“Did you go to the ‘blah blah blah’ yet?”           “You must try to go! It’s so beautiful!”

But there were times when the conversation would stray from the basics and I made a connection with someone. Whether it was with a fellow traveler or a local, I could spend a whole day with someone instead of being by myself and wandering alone. There were times when I did want to be alone and rejected some dinner invitations because I started to crave my alone time. I never would’ve been able to truly enjoy myself if I was traveling for months with another person, or a group of people. I would probably grow tired of them.

I suppose I like traveling by myself because I have more freedom. I have opportunities to learn more about the culture and the people that are surrounding me in this new place I’m discovering, day by day. I began my journey abroad with a Google document of itineraries for each country I went to. I would add to the lists as my time in the destinations got closer, but as time went on, I used these dense itineraries as lists of goals instead. I became more relaxed with letting my body go where it wanted to go, regardless of the tourist attractions or places other people told me to go to. The list helped me when I was bored of an area or wanted to do something more entertaining, but it didn’t make me feel anxious or rushed that I needed to do anything. Traveling alone was one of the best decisions I made for my journey abroad. Yes, loneliness happens, but it goes away.

Four years ago, I never would’ve expected myself to be where I am today. Sitting in my apartment in Brooklyn, reflecting on my travels abroad where I lived out of a backpack for 6 months. Those months were life changing and I’ll never be the same after everything I experienced. I walked through crowded streets of Palestine, roamed around the Old Town of Warsaw, and got lost in a small Spanish village, all on my own. Being alone is so powerful. It forces you to see parts of yourself that only you can bring out. By taking in everything you’ve experienced, incredible things can happen in your mind. You replay the moments and remember the small things that make your heart race again. I’ve learned to be my happiest self without any company. Happiness can come to you in the most unexpected ways, but if there’s anything I learned after my trip is that chasing your dreams is important. Whatever fuels your fire, whatever you feel passionate about, make that your life. You won’t regret it.

[mrmichaelchadler]

How Much Would It Cost to Get You to Move Home?

Have you heard the saying, “You can’t go home again.”

The saying actually comes from a 1940s Thomas Wolfe novel, “You Can’t Go Home Again,” in which the author writes a book about his own hometown and the residents are so mad about he they are depicted that he gets death threats.

In modern terms, it’s usually used to describe kids who have gone off to college or their first job, then they have to move home and find that transition to be really difficult. You leave home and have unlimited freedom, then all of sudden you’re back living with mom and dad and it’s miserable!

Based on the above example, if I asked you how much would it take you to move home and live with your parents, I’m sure many of us would not be able to put a price on that request! Basically, there is not enough money in the world to get me to move home! I’d sleep on a park bench before I would move home!

Okay, my back would never take a park bench, but honestly, I would only last a couple of days in my Mom’s guest room with a private bath, cable tv, and a king-sized bed!

What I’m talking about are boomerangs! Those people who moved away from their hometown for a job, but now a hometown employer wants them to come back!

A number of small Midwest towns are now offering to pay residents who graduated high school from their town a move-back bonus if they move back for an accepted job with a local employer. Port Huron, MI is offering $15,000 to people who were originally from the area if they come back to work with one of their employers in the county.

Why?

Port Huron has lost 15% of its population since 2000. It has growing employers who can’t grow without workers.

But, wait, there has to be a catch?!

Of course! These “Come Home” scholarships to people who are 1. Originally from the county, and 2. Have graduated with a STEM degree in the past ten years. If you’ve done this, and you move back to the area, you get an additional $15K, plus whatever the employer wants to pay. The local economic foundation (most likely paid for by grants from local businesses and government funding) is paying for the scholarships.

Small Michigan cities aren’t the only ones, you will find similar programs across the Midwest in Iowa, Indiana, Ohio, etc. All of this makes sense with national unemployment at 3.8% and technology-related unemployment far lower. Companies are begging for help.

So, that’s my question:

How much would it take to get you to move back to your hometown? 

You graduated college. Took the big money offer to go out to Silicon Valley. You pay $3500 per month in rent for a 500 square foot apartment you share with 2 other people. Now, Local Co. Mfg. Inc. is calling and offering you a job.

I really want to know what figure gets you to reverse course and come home? Is it $15K? What about $50K? What if I gave you $100K, but you had to promise to stay ten years? (but it would be released if you lost your job do the company leaving, etc.)

Does any amount of money really make a difference?

I don’t think any of these programs make a difference. I think it’s a waste of time and money to even try. I believe if a someone wants to come home, thousands of dollars won’t make a difference, especially when you’re talking about STEM career folks who are already making really good money.

Where this money should go is for scholarships and internship programs for kids who have shown an interest to want to work local, go to school locally, and believe they want to return and work local after graduation. What we know is most people will accept a job from the place they had an internship at, if it was a decent place.

I know. I know. You need more than entry-level hires! I get it but don’t sleep on the long-term needs, you need to fill that pipeline as well. For experienced local people, keep building that pipeline. The first step is to know who they are and connect with their parents and relatives. Find out the motivations and desires. Catch them when they come home for the holidays and summer vacations.

Market at hotels and wedding spaces where these kids return to be in each other’s weddings. Think like a late 20’s and 30’s something! What would it take to get them interested in coming home? Sometimes, it’s just showing interest and letting them know they’re wanted!

  The post How Much Would It Cost to Get You to Move Home? appeared first on Fistful of Talent.

from Fistful of Talent https://ift.tt/2sLdaFx

[billssefton]

4 updates from letter-writers (the personal crisis, the coworker frame-up, and more)

Here are updates from four people who had their letters answered here in the past.

1. How do I hold it together at work during a personal crisis?

Firstly, thank you for your kind words and a HUGE thank you to the commentariat here. Hearing that my struggles were serious and I had valid reasons for being overwhelmed did so much to restore my confidence.

I did as you (and several commenters) advised and cut myself some slack. I was honest with everyone about what I could and couldn’t take on (I did utilize FMLA, but sparingly), and my bosses said they supported me.

Here’s the not great part: everything fell apart anyway. No one picked up the slack, in spite of me communicating my team’s needs to those above me and foreseeing things going downhill if someone didn’t help me carry the load. Part of the reason I was so insistent on working myself into the ground to keep everything afloat was that I suspected if I didn’t do it, no one would–and I was correct. As I said in my letter, everyone above me was far away and the attitude was very much, “Well, LW’s team is still producing, it will be fine” when in fact it was breaking down and I was killing myself to maintain my department. I sent out the SOS and no one came, until everything became so bad that they could no longer ignore it.

Then I took the fall for it. I was put on a PIP and had several “talks” where the state of my department was laid in my lap (even though by the time they noticed I was already in the process of rebuilding it). My bosses questioned my commitment to the company and my job. They asked me if I still had what it takes, in a way that very much indicated they did not believe I did. They even went so far as to come from Far Away while I was out and undermine me to my team, claiming they didn’t know any of this was happening (luckily, my team knew better and informed me).

Fortunately, thanks in part to you and in part to being in a better place, I recognized when I was being failed versus being a failure. I was referred to another, higher-level role elsewhere and I am happy to report that I’m now in a place with a much healthier work culture. Thank you and the AAM community again for all of the well-wishes and advice!

2. Can I get relocation assistance as an entry-level candidate with a liberal arts degree? (#2 at the link)

First, thank you to all of you! You were very encouraging and had some great advice. Part of what was driving up the amount of money I mentioned was that (as some commenters guessed) I don’t have a car yet but you all had some great ideas for that.

I had applied to a few local part-time jobs prior to writing to AAM for the rest of the Spring/Summer semester hoping to save some money, and I was hired by my top choice today. It’s a governmental office job, so it aligns well with my education and the skills necessary for the types of work I hope to do upon graduation. Combined with some freelance writing/translating I’ve been doing it should make the move fairly easier, even without relocation assistance.

I think some of the commenters were a bit confused about my comment regarding my mom’s suggestion/preference I intern rather than work so I just wanted to clarify a bit. Since I live in a college town most internships are unpaid, so being able to rely on scholarships and her financial help means I’m graduating with seven internships in my resume, all of which ranged from 5 to 9 months (I often interned at more than one place at a time) from my three years in college (I attended full-time year round, including the summer). I also tried to remain involved on campus as I was told it was necessary for law school (my original plan) so it would’ve been difficult to get a part-time position in addition to that (I know some who manage it, and they’re my heroes!).

I’ve heard back from a Big Tech Company and one of the Big Four for final interviews in a few of my preferred cities, and both companies mentioned (without me asking, and thanks for that tip too!) that they’re willing to offer relocation assistance as they’re targeting new grads. I know nothing is certain until I receive a written offer, though, so I’m definitely making contingency plans following some of Alison’s/commenters’ suggestions just in case!

Like one of the commenters said, I finally feel like I’ve moved on from the “omg the real world is terrifying what will I do” part of graduating and started getting really excited about the opportunities out there. Thank you for all you’ve taught me through the blog, and for being so responsive to my letter!

3. My last day at my last job was awkward and I don’t want to leave things that way (#4 at the link)

I have an update! It took me a few days to go through with it but I did email my boss. He replied really quickly and has obviously been feeling really guilty (like I mentioned in the first letter, he’s not super emotionally in touch but he is genuinely a good person). I had said a lot of what you mentioned; thanking him for what I learned, understanding the decision, etc. and also mentioned that the jobs I’ve been applying for have been in really exciting areas I’d never considered previously. I think it helped him feel better to know that I’m doing okay and I feel a lot better because it was really clear how hard the decision had been for him to make and how much he really hadn’t wanted to let me go. I feel really good about everything, and he did reiterate what he said on my last day about providing me with a good reference. Thank you!

4. My coworker framed me to try to get me in trouble and now wants to meet for coffee

I thought I’d send an update about my post back in 2013(!)

I still work at the same company and moved departments again in the summer of 2014, where I’ve remained ever since. I am now in a much better position, both emotionally and financially. Result! The woman who framed me eventually left the company – this happened in 2015, I think, when her whole team were made redundant.

Quite a few people found out about the situation she’d put me in previously – I decided not to stay quiet about her treatment of me after all, and if anyone asked why we didn’t work together anymore, I just gave them a VERY brief story. Well a few words really – “she is a bully and I couldn’t work with her any longer.” I admit it took courage to be so candid, but the amount of people who’d agree with me and tell me about their encounters with her, or those who’d admitted that they’d heard the same from other people, was incredible.

I’ll add that when I asked for your advice in 2013, I had just turned 23 and only had a couple of years’ work experience. I have grown so much over the years, and I’m proud to say I no longer allow myself to be manipulated by others. I had a few months off work last year due to a long term mental health problem (which I’ve suffered from since my teen years). I returned to work at the start of this year. I used my time off not only to recover but to really consider who I was as a person, and how I let people treat me. I can honestly say that I feel stronger now than ever, and I handle tricky situations with a lot more self-assurance, maturity and assertiveness than I used to. Part of that growth has come naturally with age and experience, but quite a bit of my development has arisen from unfortunate situations such as this one.

So all in all, thanks, Miss Identity Stealer! You indirectly helped me become more confident, composed, and assertive! ;)

You may also like:

HR stole my parking space, and 3 more updates

updates: the work note left on a grave and more

updates: the Christmas lunch, the fired boss, and more

4 updates from letter-writers (the personal crisis, the coworker frame-up, and more) was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from Ask a Manager http://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/4-updates-from-letter-writers-the-personal-crisis-the-coworker-frame-up-and-more.html