Darlings. is it gay when the phantom you created as a manifestation of your dreadfull loneliness takes the form of one of your closest friends.
Fanart of this pretty good horror rarijack fanfic, "The haunting of carroussel boutique" personaly i am surprised the writer didnt take the chance to point out how fucking funny this is. Me n kim started laughing about it during stream and i just had to draw this
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merrill dragon age isn't The Character in terms of being the guy with the juiciest backstory details or protagonist material but she is The Person. The Heart. she was working on one of the most important researches of elven history and no one believed in her. not her keeper, her teacher and mother figure. nor her clan, the only family she's ever had. nor hawke's friends, the only people who were surrounding her for six years. the only person who can actually place their faith in her is hawke but if they don't she won't mind. she is used to it, being on her own. and, despite everything, she believes in people. she knows it matters. better than anyone.
she has never heard a nice word from fenris, but she still tries to cheer him up from time to time. she has never heard a nice word from anders either and she still feels for him. varric annoys her when he tries to distract her from the eluvian, but she appreciate it because she knows he means well. aveline refers to her work as senseless and potentially dangerous for the city, but she is still happy for her when she falls in love.
if hawke sides with mages in the last straw merrill is the first to support them. "I believe in you, hawke", she says, when everyone else is consumed by doubt. and then she's the only one who openly suggests sparing anders. so he can put things right.
she knows the feeling. when you're on your own and everyone thinks you're beyond salvation, undeserving of compassion or understanding. and this is the best she can offer for people she cares about: her unconditional faith, her sympathy, a second chance. the things she was desparately looking for and never had. she believes in people because she knows: there's no one else to believe in them
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so glad the hearth timeline is like… slightly more understandable than before. previously i had freminet down as being given to the hearth at about 5, arle killing the previous knave when he was about 8, and the twins being taken in a few months later at about 12 when he was still 8. for my au, that makes them about four years apart, which feels slightly large of an age gap but ultimately it works better than making them a year or two apart.
apparently, canonically arle was 16 when clervie died at 16, 17 when she killed the previous knave, and then spent an unknown amount of time in prison before becoming a harbinger and taking over as the director of the house of hearth.
freminet was taken in during the year between clervie’s death and crucabena’s death. the twins were taken in a few months after that.
if freminet was taken in at 5-6, the twins taken in around 9-10, that keeps the age gap between the trio as well as explains the ~10 year gap between this and canon. that would make freminet 15-16 and the twins 19-20, which fits them really well. i wish arlecchino was older, though; she definitely feels older than ~27.
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it stands out to me how armand frequently uses endearments for daniel ('beloved', 'my love'). it's something i can't recall him ever doing with his other lovers - typically, he expresses his affections through grand romantic speeches (which has its own appeal, to be sure). but with daniel, he's a little sappier, a little sillier. they will spend nights together people watching or putting on a movie they've seen a dozen times already. there are still grand gestures, like giving daniel night island or showering him with precious items, but daniel is also the one buying all the airline tickets for armand as he makes them fly around the world and explain things like long distance phone calls and tax brackets. the sweeping romance also exists alongside the mundane acts of existing together and indulging your loved one's weird habits and using petnames. it's very humanizing and sweet.
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the fact that almost every character in ofmd is specifically a gay man is seriously so fucking special like usually a show will have 1 character from a minority group and then that character has to be every single thing - a person the straight/homophobic audience can accept and even like, someone that deals with their issues the way they "should" be dealt with, someone who's not too much of anything but simultaneously everything because every expected trait has to be displayed at some point or another.... versus this show with its massive cast of characters who are all able to embody specific (and extremely varying) ways to be a gay man where all of their journeys and personalities and approaches to their sexualities are so unique to them but so true to people that exist in real life........ i wish i could express this better coz it's such an incredible thing to see it genuinely makes my chest hurt with how much it means to me
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After careful thought...
I am now convinced RVB is, in a nutshell at its core, two twenty year long dimetric slowburn romance tropes comprised of viewing each from the lens of 'I'd die for you/I'd live for you' while accounting for the repercussions of those choices on the lives of those around them while also examining at the same time the 'Inability to let go/ever start' and how it ultimately locks your mind in a perpetual state of 'What if?' without taking the risk of DOING all by asking the simple fucking question
Ever wonder why we're here?
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Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.
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