#i won't be able to recover from this scene for days | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

waltwhitmansbeard · 10 months

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been working on this for weeks but consider it a present for @ravendruid's birthday. extremely rated e, lol, as i create the slutty keyleth rep i wish to see in my fandom.

Keyleth doesn't get horny. It's not that she doesn't like sex, because she does. She likes sex with Vax, specifically, the only kind of sex she knows, because he makes it fun and because she likes seeing how happy and relaxed it makes him and because she swears he knows her body better than she does, the way he's able to pull sounds and sensations from her that she'd never have known she was capable of.

No, Keyleth likes sex. She just never...seeks it out. It's an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. She's got a thousand things on her plate these days, so much going on and so many people counting on her, that if Vax weren't there to kiss slowly down her neck as she finishes her reading for the next day's meeting or run his hands along her waist while she gets changed, she probably would forget sex existed altogether.

Which is what makes this so strange. There was a terrible accident at a bakery in the wee hours of the morning, an oven malfunction that resulted in two-thirds of the building burning near to ash before the flames could be stamped out. Much of Zephrah has gathered to help, clearing out debris and helping the air genasi family that owns the bakery recover what they can from the wreckage. Keyleth and Vax were among the first on the scene, having been woken with the news by a Blade, and in the intervening hours, they've managed to organize what will become the rebuilding efforts.

Keyleth is meant to be discussing what needs to be physically handled versus what can be fixed via arcane means, but she's not listening to a word one of the few wizards who lives in town is saying. Instead, her attention is entirely consumed by Vax, who is helping the baker affix a large tarp over the portions of the building left standing to act as a makeshift wall. Vax's sleeves are rolled up to the elbow, revealing muscular forearms that strain to reach up to hold the tarp in place. His long hair has been haphazardly braided out of they way, and two spare nails bounce between his full lips as he and the baker discuss their strategy for tackling the tarp. At one point, Vax brings a hand down to wipe sweat off of his forehead, leaving a streak of ash and dust in its wake. He reaches back up to hold a nail in place for the baker to hammer in, and once they're done, he relaxes back down, grins at their success, and claps the baker on the back.

Keyleth wants to climb him like a tree.

She's taken so aback by the intensity of her own lust that the wizard has to say her name three times for her to drag her eyes away from the muscles Keyleth can see beneath the back of Vax's sweat-slick shirt. He's clearly annoyed, this wizard, but Keyleth's missed every word for minutes now. "Can I trust you with this?" she asks, desperately, she imagines. She doesn't wait for an answer, just turns around and weaves her way through the crowd of neighbors until she's at Vax's side.

"Hey!" He gives her his easy smile, the one that normally makes her feel warm but now makes her feel as though she herself will soon be ash and smoke. "Got this up, so at least we won't be damaging what's left as we clean up this mess. How are things going on the magic front?"

It is by the grace of the gods that Keyleth doesn't shove him up against the tarp he's so proud of and knock the remainder of this bakery to the ground. "I think...we need to head home. Just for a bit."

His brow furrows. "I think we can still help out here. At the very least we can help get the fallen beams out of the way."

"Mhm, yeah." The mid-morning sun illuminates the sheen over his face. She's going crazy. "I just...there is something at home. That can help."

"Oh. And...you need me to go with you."

"Mhm!" She doesn't know how to convey how fucking desperate she is for him to shut the fuck up and come with her now. "Please."

"Okay." He's clearly confused, but he turns to tell the baker that they'll be back in just a bit before sliding his hand into hers and allowing himself to be tugged in the direction of home. She doesn't blame him for his bewilderment; neither of them has any precedent for this, her sudden, uncontrollable, unshakable need for him. She doesn't even know how she's going to explain it to him—hopefully she won't have to. Hopefully he'll catch on quick.

He's so damn friendly, saying hello to everyone they pass, giving quick updates on the situation as she half-yanks him along. She knows she must seem absolutely feral right now, and, well, she feels it. Can he feel the thundering of her heart in his palm? Is her skin burning his, her nails digging into his hands? No, he is oblivious, grinning and cordial to each of their neighbors. Normally she thrills in how easily he's made a home of her people, but not today. Today she's hungry.

When they get to the little cottage set aside just for them, she fumbles with the key, missing the keyhole three times before Vax's long, practiced fingers curl over hers and pluck the key from her hand. "Okay." He unlocks the door and pushes it open. "You need to tell me what's going on, because you're—oh."

She shoves him inside, slams the door shut with her foot and then spins him around so his back's against it. His face blooms in surprise as she presses herself against him. "Driving me fucking crazy," she growls, pawing at the shirt hem tucked into his trousers like a cat trying to get a bird through a window. "Such a jerk, looking like this—" She bites down into the crook of his neck.

He hisses, his hands coming to clench at her waist. "Holy shit, Kiki." Finally, she's able to yank his shirt free, skitter her hands up his stomach, where he warm and hard and hers. "You...oh gods..." Good, his brain's just as fried as hers is. Serves him right. "This...it's different."

She kisses him, all teeth and spit. It's a far cry from the way he so tenderly kisses her, no reverence or care. She kisses to mark, to claim, to devour. One of his hands, broad and so very skilled, pulls her in closer by the small of her back, while the other grabs fully onto her ass. She growls into him; going fucking crazy.

Vax breaks away with a gasp. "Kiki." She pushes up on his shirt, which is now bunched up around his armpits. "Kiki." He takes her by the shoulders and pushes her a few inches away. "What the hell is going on?"

She doesn't know what she looks like, but by the bafflement on his face, she must look wild. Her skin is on fire, and there is a pounding up and down her torso that she has never felt outside of the bedroom before. Somewhere beneath the sizzling want, there is embarrassment, humiliation for losing control like this, but right now, she just can't bring herself to care.

"You..." She swallows, willing her blood to stop boiling for a second so she can formulate something resembling a cogent thought. "You just...with the sweat and the shirt and the arms, fuck—" She digs her nails into his bicep like she's going to tear it out from beneath his skin. "I'm losing my mind."

He smiles, then, the kind of mischievous smile he tries to hide from her when he doesn't want her to think he's laughing at her even though he definitely is. "Keyleth...are you horny?"

"Jerk." She shoves his shoulders again, so he bounces off of the door, and then, before he can decide to tease her anymore, she falls to her knees.

She doesn't do this often. She gets so self-conscious, more concerned about how he's reacting and how awkward her neck feels and how sometimes it really is difficult to breath instead of on just doing it. Vax never complains, never asks for reciprocation after he so gleefully eats her out, and so she knows she's out of practice. She can't stop the shaking in her fingers as she tugs at the laces of his trousers, where he is already straining against the leather.

"K-Keyleth." Good, now he sounds just as flustered as she feels. "Are...are you sure?"

She answers by tugging his loosened pants down to reveal his half-hard length, which, after one deep breath, she takes in her mouth as far as it will go. From above, she hears a sickening crack as, she assumes, his head slams back against the door. "Fuck," he groans, his hands coming to weave into her hair. They tug, and it's rough, far rougher than he normally is with her. "F-F-Fuck, Kiki."

She wants to swallow him whole. She wants to unhinge her jaw like a snake and consume him, claim him entirely for her own. He tastes salty, like skin, like sweat. As she swallows back her own saliva, the fingers in her hair tighten and a high keen rips from his chest. Keyleth can’t help the hot wave of satisfaction that ripples over her skin; she did that.

“Keyleth,” Vax pants, his breath coming fast and hard. She hollows out her cheeks. “Oh fuck—K-kiki, wait.”

She doesn’t take her mouth off of him, just looks up with the best approximation of a frown she can muster in this position. His face is a mess, mouth agape, eyes unfocused. “Gonna…not gonna make it,” he gasps out. “Want…you…”

Well. She’s not going to argue with that. Reluctantly, she pulls her head back, letting her tongue trail out from beneath the length of him, and his legs nearly buckle out from under him. The hand in her hair slowly uncoils, like Vax has to actively think about how to relax each of his fingers, and Keyleth stands. She wonders what she looks like, so flushed with wanting him, wonders if he can tell exactly what he’s doing to her.

His hands grab her face and pull it to his, the kiss of a starving man. Vax has a hundred ways of kissing her, tender in the mornings, excited after they’ve been apart, curious when he’s aroused and testing her waters. This is different. He kisses her like he’s trying to catch up, like she’s a wild beast he’s chasing through the woods.

Her hands find his waist again and she’s tugging, yanking him away from the door and deeper into the cottage. Vax stumbles, his pants at an awkward height around his thighs, but he’s dexterous, he’ll figure it out. After a few moments, the backs of her legs hit something solid, and Vax’s lips don’t need to leave hers for his arm to come out and sweep whatever had been on their little kitchen table onto the floor. Some vague part of her mind tries to analyze the resulting crash to figure out what exactly just got unceremoniously tossed to the ground, but she finds she just doesn’t care all that much. Let it break. She’s busy.

Vax’s fingers grip her waist hard, and she’s going up, slammed onto the table. Her legs wrap around him automatically as she scrambles have him closer, closer. His lips trail down to her neck and his fingers, long, nimble, so very good at what they do, fumble at her waistband. “Fuck,” she sighs, her head falling back so he can mouth at her throat.

“Fucking pants,” he growls. “Are they usually this difficult?”

“Losing your touch?” She pulls the tip of his ear into her mouth and sucks on it.

He tugs harder. “Keep making fun of me and you’ll lose my touch.” Then manages to yank her pants down and off in one fell swoop, making her yelp. The table is cold under her ass, but she finds it easy to ignore as two fingers slide into her as easily as they might lace through hers on a stroll through town. "Keyleth," he groans against her mouth. "You're soaked."

"Your fault," she gasps, heart jerking erratically in her throat as he works tight circles inside her. "Your fault your fault your fault—"

Annoying bastard as the nerve to look pleased, like he's proud to have reduced her to this. Because she is reduced, just hot skin and slick thighs and lips that need to be touching him at all times. He obliges her, one hand on the back of her head, crushing her mouth to his, while the other hand, arm pinned between their torsos, seamlessly slips a third finger inside. The sound she makes is animalistic, something she thought she'd only be capable of making while wild shaping. He's simply too good at this. He's not even looking, just an innate expert touch that makes the flame in her belly burn brighter. How does he know exactly where to brush those callused fingertips? How has she not exploded yet?

Her arms, draped around his neck to keep him as physically close as possible, squeeze down between them, to tug at where he's hard and leaking in front of her. He bites on her lip in encouragement, and his fingers—fuck she loves his fingers—slip out of the way just in time for her to kick her heel into his ass to shove his hips forward. He enters her all at once, rough, unforgiving, and her back bows with the force of it.

It's never felt like this before. Normally it's gentle, quiet, romantic, Vax being so careful to ensure that she's not in any discomfort, that she's having a good time. This is not that. Vax fucks into her hard and fast, the table vibrating beneath her as she clings onto him for dear life. She buries her face into the crook of his neck as stars explode behind her eyes. She feels so full, her every nerve sparking and crackling as she pulls him in deeper, deeper. This is it, whatever she was craving, whatever need he spawned in her, he's giving it to her now, and she can't get enough. Her breath staccatos as the muscles in her stomach tighten—she is so, so close.

He knows this, knows what makes her tick better than she does, so the hand that had been gripping her waist to keep her steady comes around to work precise, nimble circles into her clit. That's all it takes. Her body seizes, vision going white as the breath whooshes from her body. She's clenched around him, subsuming him entirely; she cannot begin to understand where she ends and he begins.

The force of it brings him with her, and when he spills inside, he gasps hot breath into her chest. Her ears ring, the sound of her own blood pumping louder than anything she's ever heard before, but as her muscles slowly begin to relax, she hears a sound, strange, high-pitched, soft—oh. That's her.

"Kiki." Vax leans heavily against her, and her jelly bones struggle to keep them both upright. "Kiki."

Her hand comes up to stroke his hair, to calm him, to congratulate him, honestly, she's not sure. She swallows this keening noise that is coming from somewhere inside her and pants, "Good...job. We did it."

Vax snorts a laugh into her shoulder, barely keeping himself up on the edge of the table. "That was...holy shit."

Now Keyleth feels it, that pride that earlier annoyed her when on his face. She did this, left him silly and speechless and sweating. Somewhere, on the farthest edges of her mind, that self-conscious embarrassment is threatening to creep back in, but frankly, she's too wrung-out to notice. "Sorry to...spring that on you. I was...affected."

Vax hauls himself up to take her face in his hands and plant the hardest, filthiest kiss on her mouth. "Do not ever apologize for that," he growls, and the sound make her still-quivering folds twitch. "That was...fucking transcendental."

"No fair," she pouts. "No big words."

"I'm very sorry." He runs his fingers, still slick from her, through her hair, and she's too tired to be grossed out. "Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but...what brought this on?"

She shrugs, and her skin is getting hot again, the embarrassment beginning to win the war over post-coital stupidity. "You."

He grins at her, the dumb, happy grin that she cherishes like no other. "Well. Now you know how I feel, like, all the time."

She gapes at him. "You feel like that? All the time?"

"Pretty much! Not my fault my girlfriend is a sexy, all-powerful nature goddess!"

"Oh my god." She ducks her head against his chest. "I thought I was going to shatter into a thousand pieces."

"Are you telling me you didn't?"

She rolls her eyes and shoves him. "Alright, my horny meltdown is over, time to get back to work."

"Yes ma'am." He steps back so she can slide off of the table, and they both look at each other askance. "But uh...shower first?"

"Yeah, good idea."

#critical role #critical role fic #cr fic #my fic #vaxleth #vaxleth fic #vox machina #vox machina fic

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phantomrose96 · 1 year

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So I'm one of those people who had to take a break reading ABoT. Part way through reading I thought of that writing advice that goes something like "look at the current scenario and figure out how things can get worse" and decided ABoT was applying that advice with both fervor and finesse. It had me hooked through multiple all nighters and it wasn't until, ironically, the ending of chapter 37 where Reigen is standing in the remains of the Mogami house that I stared at the next chapter button and realized I would absolutely not be able to handle more, mentally or emotionally, if this fic kept following the previous advice. So I set it aside for a month to recover, tentatively poked into the next chapter tense and ready for things to continue spiraling, and gradually started to relax and unravel until...well, you know. I remember having to put my phone down and take a walk with the reveal of everything that Ritsu had incidentally caused (even if the blame can be pinned on basically everyone in some measure, but that's a whole other essay in my notes).

When I reached the current cliffhanger, I waited a scant day before starting all over, this time slower, more careful, and with a more analytical eye. Not for critique, but because I was confused. That writing advice from before, I'd seen it implemented both poorly and skillfully, and ABoT used it with a finesse I've yet to see anywhere else, and I had to figure out how. What made what can be boiled down to a high stakes wild goose chase so compelling? Why couldn't I put this story down until my emotional limit couldn't handle any more? How could I learn from this and make my own writing better? What did this have that I clearly lacked?

I don't think it was until after Teru's and Ritsu's first fight that it clicked for me. I stared at that scene, then my own characters, and realized I'd written two of my own meeting in a similar fight and had neglected any form of consequences. My characters became friends because of a mutual friend. Because that was the end goal I wanted. I had that omniscient knowledge; I knew I wanted them to end up as friends, so I wrote the most objectively logical decision to make.

Except. These characters aren't objectively logical. They make the decisions that look the best to them in the moment, even if those decisions are bad, or horrible. A character who's been soundly beaten into the ground by another won't so easily become their friend, even if their opponent is the nicest person ever. There's distrust and fear. They're going to make bad decisions. Things weren't getting worse for the sake of getting worse. They got worse because of the direct (bad) decisions of the characters.

Once I realized that, I was struck with such violent inspiration I wrote something like 11k words worth of scenes and revitalized my own love of writing in a day. I was so stuck on the end goals I forgot about the struggles in between. I had gotten so focused on grand, overarching conflict, I forgot how compelling it can be to just have two characters punch each other in the face. Too much of my writing had stuff happening around the characters instead of happening TO or BECAUSE of them. I had forgotten character conflict, and when I started writing those flaws, I couldn't stop. I was having too much fun!

Sorry for rambling about my own stuff, I just wanted to convey how much impact you and ABoT have had on my own creative endeavors. I've been inundated with too many stories, fics, movies that occur on such big planet-wide scales with dire, multiverse threatening levels of conflict, that when presented with a long form tale of a kid desperate for his missing brother, told from the perspectives of a small, well developed and spectacularly characterized cast, in a single city, told with stakes that made me care more than any threat to the world, it was like a breath of fresh air. So I guess this is a thank you for ABoT as a whole and a thank you for writing Ritsu the way you do.

Unfortunately for him, he's an inspiration.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YES YOU GET IT YOU GET IT YOU GET IT

ABoT, if nothing else, is a story about its characters. Everything that happens with consequence to the plot can be traced back to a character's own decisions. The characters' wants and needs and actions and faults all come first, and the plot follows accordingly.

(And maybe that sounds obvious.) Aren't stories about characters? But there are so many stories where the characters are just kinda... there. They're blank slates to receive the plot happening around them. Many things they try to do have no consequence. They'll try to take action and the plot will carry on exactly the same as though they'd never even tried, because the writer doesn't want to figure out how that character action might matter. Or a character will do something awful and the plot will just brush past and forget, no consequences or continuity, because the writer had their fun in the moments but now they care about getting the plot back on track, and that would be annoying to work around. They create stories where you can't put your excitement and investment in the characters cuz you just... can't trust they'll matter.

The most important thing about ABoT, to me, is that the characters are making it happen. The good, the bad, can all be traced back to decisions characters had the active choice in making.

I have plenty of fun joking that ABoT is one of those "oh my god it keeps getting worse!!!" stories, but I never ever do that by just dropping random terrible things from the sky. It's always the characters. It's them and it's their consequences of everything they've set in motion, or fought against, or allowed to happen. It's always a thread, thoroughly traceable, spawning from character actions which drives everything both good and terrible (and SUPREMELY terrible) that happens. It will always be the characters.

And I really, truly believe this is what I'm doing to make what is ultimately a wild goose chase featuring less than a dozen people worth reading. When Ritsu fucks up, it's worth caring about because you know this will impact the course of the story. When Reigen succeeds, it matters because he does have a grip on the reigns of the plot and has the chance to better this for everyone. When a character does anything, it matters because is about them, and what they're desperately trying to achieve.

And when a scene isn't about "an action with a consequence", it's still a scene with a point. For any scene I write I always make sure I can answer "what's the point of this scene?" Mob and Reigen reopening Spirits and Such isn't about to barrel the plot forward, but it's hearty and important character development for them. It's the "why should I care about this future being snatched from their grip" when everything goes wrong.

When everything went bad bad around chapter 32, and tumbled worse for many chapters to come, it was me finally tipping over the first domino in a chain of dominoes the characters themselves have been setting up since the start. It went bad not because I arbitrarily decided to fuck with them, but because everyone's actions carried consequences.

Even with ABoT's WORST possible outcome, where Mogami comes out the victor with everything he wants, all others crushed beneath him, this will mean the ruination or death of about... 10 people. A blip on the news. An "oh isn't that sad?" when a second kidnapped son never makes it home, when a conman goes missing (not noticed until a month later when the rent comes due), when a police officer kills his wife and himself, when an orphan kid vanishes off the map from Black Vinegar mid. And life would carry on. And the sun would still rise every day. And no part of this would end the world.

But if I'm doing this right, I want that outcome to feel like the end of the world. I want it to feel worse than that, given what a quiet and unsung tragedy it would be for all these personal efforts and struggles and desperate reaches for betterment are snuffed where they stand. Because they tried and it mattered and they failed anyway.

It IS just a wild goose chase centering around a kid who wants to have his kidnapped brother back, and it's 350k+ words to me.

dfjkdfnkjdf so anyway, I am very clearly super thrilled you were able to see this! It all ties back to character weaknesses and strengths, consequences of actions, irrational responses to situations fueled by character, and not by logic, and the audience knowing that what these characters do will matter. I love stories where humans are messy. I love stories where the tragedy happened because of them, where you can trace the thread back and find exactly how it all went wrong. I love clashing personalities. I love character spirals you can see a mile away and yet you know exactly why the character did that. I love yelling at the pages while knowing that realistically, this character wasn't going to do any better than that. I love knowing exactly how things could have been avoided, and knowing exactly why they happened anyway. I love seeing consequences stick. I love seeing characters matter. And I'm goddamn thrilled you feel that way too and that ABoT could make you find the way to do that in your own characters!!!

#abot #a breach of trust #sorry this took so long to answer i kept writing responses that got way off track #and then I'd have to come back like #'no you cannot write a 20000 word explanation of every single pivotal character action and consequence in abot'#'i know you (me) worked hard to plan those out but you (me) cannot write all that'

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thebarontheabyss · 6 months

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I absolutely adore your IF! the aesthetics, the storytelling, the mystery, the fantasy elements.. everything. I've never read an IF where I've had such a hard time choosing someone to romance. usually I only gravitate toward 1-2 ROs but with yours, I want to romance all of them!!! excuse me while I ramble... [spoilers ahead]

Death: everything they do is just so cute. the way they kept glancing at us from afar at the bar, and that scene where they're lying in our bed and tells us how pretty we are... I was kicking my legs and screaming internally

Lilith/Damien: hottie alert!! can't help but be drawn to them even knowing how dangerous and scheming devils can be... my MC be shamelessly flirting with them in front of yaga and peisinoe

Morgan(a): so charming and swoon-worthy. that dinner date was so romantic! it doesn't help my heart that the Morgan character art reminds me of howl from howl's moving castle... and the angst potential with them being a mortal... I can't wait to see where this goes

Peisinoe: the scenes of their past were heart-wrenching, I just want them to be happy :'( I also love how you've written out the lyrics to their performances, I really feel the melancholic vibes

Hastur: I'm a sucker for the stoic duty-bound types! I can't wait to break down his walls... hehehehe

He Without Name: I can't wait to find out more about him and unravel his mysterious past! really curious as to whether he will take on a more solid form and be able to interact better at the end..? having read up to the memoriam update, I do have a theory about him being related to adamot somehow - I could be totally off, but he said his purpose was to keep balance? whereas tehomot is for entropy/chaos. and maybe he is "the child" that tehomot was referring to in that council of nine scene. also I can't get out of my head how for Valentine's Day, he would just leave a flower under our pillow <3 simple, but cute and impactful

thank you for sharing such a wonderful story. I'm so excited for more updates!

Thank you for the positive review! It warmed my heart ❤️ Still recovering from the flu here so I hope it doesn't raise my temperature again jkjk

And here are my notes about your notes lol:

Drunk Death is the best Death!!! I can’t wait to write the date scenes for them actually

For Lilith/Damian, scheming will play an integral (and infernal part) of their story. They will be a focus for the update following this one along with Yaga, and I'm excited to start defining their characters!

Howl was a reference I sent for the artwork for Morgan/a! That wonderful wizard totally inspired their character, although I want to make them into more of a reconstruction of the character type later on 👀

Every time I hear a jazz song lately, I just Imagine Peisinoe singing it. I can’t help but stan them.

There won't be a long wait for Hastur! The walls will crumble in the upcoming update. That's all for now. 👀

Damn, I love your theories about He Without Name! My boyfriend always says I'm addicted to spoilers, so for my own personal growth, I'm just going to quietly enjoy the speculations for now hehe

Again, thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts! ❤️ These are literally the fuel that helps me get back and write!

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backjustforberena · 3 months

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I hate that they did the "Vhaegar sneak attack" twice. 1) To the viewer it feels like doing the same mistake twice 2) Rhaenys and Meleys are smarter and more experienced like that to be caught so off-guard. I don't mind she turned back around again but I think they should have met face on. Also if they don't show any grief from Corlys, Baela and Rhaena and just move on with the plot I'll be mad and sad

I get the gut instinct to go there. Really I do. But I'm more than at peace with it. I think there are a few big points that separates it out from what happened with Luke and I don't think that the way it ends has any bearing on Rhaenys's status as an extremely good dragonrider.

The only reason that Vhagar had to do that tactic or resort to it is because Meleys put her on the ground. It was Rhaenys's skill and her dragon's strengths that seriously knocked Vhagar. Meleys drew blood. Meleys slammed Vhagar down but flew away herself. Vhagar was only able to do that because Meleys and Rhaenys put up one hell of a fight. In other words, this wasn't a brilliant master-stroke or Vhagar deciding how was the time to get in gear, it was luck. Sheer luck. Not skill. Not size. Not any advantage. Luck. She was on the ground because she was put there.

Vhagar and Arrax was predator and pray. Vhagar and Meleys were two beings at the top of the food chain. Head to head. They fight significantly, to the point where Rhaenys probably things she's felled Vhagar, if not permanently, then as good as can be.

Meleys dying does not undercut that. And as for Rhaenys not being caught off guard; at the end of the day, she couldn't see Aemond and Vhagar. Rook's Rest is on the edge of a cliff, if Vhagar goes round the side and drops closer to the ocean then there is no anticipating that. She can't see that dragon. But she was looking. She looks down to the battlefield, she looks up and around. Smoke in her eyes, exhausted, shaken and bruised but alert.

I don't blame Rhaenys for not seeing. And it had to end one way or another. You say you wish they met face on? They did. They locked claws, they rained fire. Meleys clawed at Vhagar and drove her into the ground. But I'm aware I'm repeating myself so I'll move on.

I think we'll see grief. We know two things about Corlys. One, is that he has a very emotional scene, seemingly on his own, in the Hall of Nine. It's been speculated this is when he learns of Rhaenys's death. Two, he has a line: "What I do now, I do for her." - Rhaenys's memory won't be forgotten. It won't be glossed over.

We have a scream from Baela, on Moondancer, that we've yet to see. It's been floated this is her reaction, if she recovers the body. I don't know if that's true though. We shall see. Rhaena... I don't know. I don't know how her storyline will play out or how or when she'll find out about Rhaenys or if we'll see that moment.

The fact is HOTD has a tendency to place plot first. We can't really get away from that and, with being now halfway through, that's only going to keep gaining pace. The trailer for next week didn't show anything of Corlys or Baela (the two arguably closest to Rhaenys). But the Greens have aftermath scenes, of the procession and of returning Aegon to King's Landing. We can assume something similar, on a similar timeline, for the Blacks.

Also, it's directed by Clare Kilner, who really enjoyed the Corlys and Rhaenys relationship. If there is a nugget of grief to be found anywhere, I trust her to find it. I also trust Steve Toussaint. He's brilliant.

#hotd spoilers #house of the dragon spoilers

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thearvariblues · 1 year

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"Vegas doesn't want to leave the mafia because it's all he's ever known, and also because yayyy, murder!"

Yes, I'm sorry you're missing the point of his entire character arc, I guess?

Now bear with me. I agree that in canon, he probably doesn't want to leave this life, and for several reasons, the "it's all he's ever known" being one of them. He doesn't want to or try to leave despite the fact that he clearly hates some aspects of it - most importantly the constant battle with the main family, and also his father bossing him around and using him as his personal punching bag. His other reasons include:

a) the need to prove to his father that he is a worthy son

b) the wish to beat the main family as he's been taught to do his whole life

c) the need to protect his younger brother because let's face it, Vegas being an obedient son is likely the main reason why Gun doesn't extend his parenting methods to Macau, too

d) the mere fact that Vegas doesn't have a single reason outside of the mafia that would encourage him to get the fuck out of there

And then Pete turned his life and brain upside down and Vegas got hit by feelings - and, a little later, a few bullets.

By the end of canon, everything has changed for him. As he himself says, he has nothing left. His father is dead, the minor family is no more, all that's left of it is a vague concept that has already been served on a silver platter to Porsche. He barely survived being shot, and he has months of recovery before him, and it's unlikely that he'll ever be able to fully recover and gain his strength back. He will suffer the consequences of his injuries, and he won't be the same Vegas who was able to go on raids. He'll be tired. He'll be in pain. He'll have bad days when he'll barely be able to function. We don't like to hear it, but it's a FACT.

And on top of that, all his reasons for not leaving the mafia are... Gone. He doesn't have a father whose approval he would want to win. The minor family has been taken away from him. He doesn't need to protect Macau anymore, at least not from his father. And he has a reason to leave all the bullshit behind him - he has Pete, who told him, loud and clear, that he's not about to leave him. And he has his brother.

And what's more important, neither of them loves or needs him because he's Vegas the killer, Vegas from the minor family. They love him because he's VEGAS. They are their own little family now. And in the hospital scene, we can clearly see that Vegas is happy. Content. He doesn't mention going back to his mafia life, and Pete, judging by his clothes, so different from his bodyguard days, isn't about to do it either.

I mean... Why would Vegas go back to being a nobody, to being the main family's bloody hands, to being even less than he used to be, because he's not even the heir anymore?

(And on a related note - why would Pete want to go back to a place where he had to constantly wear an impenetrable mask when with Vegas, he's finally being seen?)

Do I think that no matter what, Vegas and Pete will get dragged, kicking and screaming, back to the mafia bullshit? Oh, yes. It doesn't matter whether it will be by emotional blackmail or some other strategic coercion methods (aka "you see, the main family technically paid for your recovery, so you owe us"), they will get dragged back, but they sure as hell won't like it.

Vegas learning that there's something more important than his mafia life and the violence it entails is the whole POINT of his character arc, for fuck's sake.

And to reduce him to "well he's mafia because he's always been mafia, and also because he loves murder, hahaha" is missing, well... basically the whole plot, really.

Sorry, not sorry.

#vegas theerapanyakul #vegaspete #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #am i being bitchy? yeah a little

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corrodedseraphine · 1 year

Text

have mercy on me | #2 wish you the best

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

chapter summary: Eddie is once again closing a chapter in his life called Chrissy. This time, hopefully, it's over for good. This, however, was the first step to lift his head out from under the heavy and aggressive waves. Unfortunately, without your help, everything was much harder.

the story is also avaliable on ao3

previous chapter | masterlist | eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

song that I used: Lewis Capaldi - Wish you the best (and I slightly changed the text, so it would fit better in the story, I hope that's okay)

thank you @i-me-mine for always helping me with making a decision, and @phantypurple for the idea how to develop the hallway scene ♥

once again, no promises guys. I am in shock how many of you wanted to be tagged in the second part and I really hope you won't be dissapointed.

"We have two hours before my parents are back." Chrissy said, closing the house door behind her. Eddie wordlessly followed her to her room feeling the weight in his chest grow heavier. Days passed and girl's behavior, despite her promises, did not change. "I missed them." she said taking his hand and began to look at the long ringed fingers. "No one could take care of me as well as you." She purred and began kissing his neck, then biting it gently. There was a time when the touch of her lips on his neck drove him crazy. Now, however, they seemed shallow. Emotionless. Meaningless. They had always been like that, but then, poorer in experience, he didn't know what it meant and how it felt when someone could convey ever single emotion with a simple touch. When you kissed him he felt that you needed him. He felt that you wanted him in every way, felt all the love you had inside you and wanted to give him. Now when the cheerleader's lips formed wet paths on his skin he felt none of these things. Chrissy didn't miss him. She missed how he was able to make her feel good. She missed how all his attention was focused on her and he did everything to always meet her expectations. He did everything for her and it still wasn't enough.

"Maybe I could finally meet your parents?" he asked suddenly pushing her away.

"What? Why are you bringing this up now?" she was taken aback.

"Don't you think maybe I could finally meet them and stop sneaking around here like some kind of an intruder?"

"Uh...that's not the best idea..." Her eyes nervously looked around the room avoiding his.

"Why? Are you ashamed of me?" Deep down he knew the answer to that question.

"We just got back together, I need some time."

"Then maybe let's go to my place? You'll meet my uncle, there we won't have to hide."

"Eddie, this is not the best time for such things. Let's just focus on the fact that we're here alone and we can enjoy each other." Wanting to divert his attention from the difficult questions he was asking, she began slowly pulling off his vest.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to love me Chrissy?" This question should have been asked months ago. At the very beginning when the first symptoms of the fact that he was not as important to her as she was to him appeared.

"Eddie..." she didn't know what to answer.

"I know I'm able to love you again Chrissy, but I need to know if you're even capable of doing it for the first time with me? You keep reminding me that you are my first love, but I'm beginning to wonder if I was any of yours?"

"To fall in love with me all over again? What are you talking about?" her surprise slowly turned into annoyance.

"You broke my heart, somehow I managed to recover from that, but you were not there. You weren't there for me when I needed it and you weren't there when I bounced back. So you know... there may be a very long road ahead, which is why I want to know if you will ever be able to love me."

"You expect very hard answers from me, Eddie. I need time."

"So let me know when you can finally talk to me about it." was disappointed but not surprised. He expected such a reaction. "See you later Chrissy." He left the house and returned to the trailer. I need time. She always needs time. But not for what needs to be done. She needs more time to once again manipulate and blindside him. But this time he did not fool himself into thinking that he would actually get an answer after some time. It was a lost cause.

Your broken heart was merciless to you. Without giving a moment's rest it sucked all the life energy out of you, making you feel like you had nothing left. In the morning, sensing you couldn't cope with the reality that awaited you there, you lied to your mother that you felt very unwell only to be hidden under a blanket that like a shield protected you from the outside world.

At the same time school life went on at its own pace, until...

"Too bad you weren't with us yesterday, babe." Jason said while embracing Chrissy.

"I told you, I had to study." She rolled her eyes and looked around.

"Why don't you tell us more about your studying with Munson?" one of the members of the basketball team snarked.

"What the hell are you talking about Ted?" asked Jason.

"I saw our sweet Chrissy leading none other than the Freak to her house yesterday. I didn't know she was tutoring now." the boy had fun seeing Chrissy's angry face.

"What is wrong with you?!" Jason yelled looking at her. Hearing the his raised voice, a group of curious students began to gather around them. Somewhere at the end of the crowd was Eddie. "We just got back together, and you are cheating on me with him again? You're impossible!"

"I'm not cheating on you with him Jason!" she was trying to defend. "He's the one who came to ask me for a second chance!" Lies. More lies. Eddie was watching this wondering how stupid he was to believe that she can change. She can't. And this time he refused to remain in the shadows. He had come to terms with the fact that it was over and had no intention of taking part in this circus anymore.

"Cut the bullshit, Chrissy." he said stepping out in front of the crowd. "You invited me yesterday, I wouldn't have done it myself." he said tilting back his hair so everyone could see the little hickey on his neck.

"It wasn't me! Maybe it's y/n, she's always been drooling at the sight of you, even when we were together! I don't care what you do with her! But clearly she must be hopeless since you wanted to come back to me!" she was panicking.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that!" He was exhausted by the whole situation, feeling that he was on the verge of breaking down. He was furious with Chrissy for the way she treated him, but when she started insulting you he knew he couldn't let it go. He was beginning to hate himself for putting you in the middle of all this.

"How else can I call her and her pathetic sad songs?" Chrissy kept rambling on completely not expecting this to be her final show.

"Just Shut Up!" Eddie shouted losing his patience. "You're the one who begged me for a second chance! You were the one who couldn't stand the fact that I've moved on and I'm much happier than I was with you! You cheated on me with him, You broke my heart and wanted to do it all over again! I'm sick of it."

"She cheated on you with me? She cheated on me with you!" interjected an indignant Jason.

"I don't give a shit about this Carver." Eddie rubbed his face with his hand. "I am fucking done, and you..." He pointed his finger at Chrissy. "You're not worth it. You never were."

"You'll regret it." she said through her teeth. Eddie just laughed and shook his head.

"The only thing I regret was allowing you to be with me the second time. Because of that, I lost someone much more important."

"She will never be like me!"

"That's the point. She will always be much better than you."

"I don't believe I'm saying this, but Freak is right. You're not worth it." Jason waved his hand and walked through the crowd leaving Eddie and Chrissy in the spotlight.

"Eddie..." her tone was different now. There was no longer a trace of anger in it. She would not fall for it this time. No more manipulation. Without a word, he backed away and left the building. He felt completely different than he expected. This time, instead of piercing pain, he felt relief. The last thread between him and Chrissy was cut. A weight fell from his heart when he closed that chapter in his life. However, this was only the beginning of fixing.

When you showed up at school the next day you felt too many stares on you. As you walked down the halls people suddenly went silent or their voices turned into whispers. Even during class, you couldn't escape it. Anxiety grew in you every minute, and the fact that you didn't know what was going on made everything worse. When it came time for lunch you knew that you definitely wouldn't find peace in the crowded canteen. Talking to Robin about how you were feeling the two of you hid in music class.

"Maybe I'm exaggerating, but I feel like the whole school isn't taking their eyes off me today. It's weird." You said sitting down at the table.

"Yesterday was quite... interesting. There was one big drama between Chrissy, Jason and Eddie..."

"Stop." you interrupted her. "I don't think I want to know what's going on anymore."

"Are you sure? I think it's quite important." she looked at you worriedly.

"I'm sure. I don't want to hear anything about them for now." you were convinced that it was all because Jason had found out that Eddie and Chrissy were back together.

"Okay." she said and began unpacking food from her backpack. You, feeling a huge knot of anxiety in your stomach, had no appetite. "Have you written any new songs?" she asked while biting into her sandwich.

"Yes, one." you answered and took out a piece of paper with lyrics from your bag. Robin read the words with interest.

"It's great..." she commented.

"But?" you asked, seeing her hesitation.

"Are you sure you don't want to hear what happened yesterday?" she sighed.

"No. At least not now," you replied.

"Maybe it would be worth giving it a chance? To listen to him?"

"I don't know if I have any strength to do that Robin. It's all too painful. I still miss him. I miss him like hell and one part of me dreams of nothing but having him back in my life. But on the other hand, it still hurts. When I see him, I feel furious, unable to forgive him for what he did."

"Do you want to sing to me about it?" she asked, smiling gently. She didn't want to convince you more, she knew that forcing you to do such things would not end well. As your friend, she wanted to be there for you and support you no matter what you decided.

At the same time, Eddie had been standing outside the door from the music hall for a good 10 minutes. As soon as he noticed that you were going there with Robin he saw it as an opportunity to try to talk to you because you had been constantly avoiding him since the morning. In his mind he was repeating everything he wanted to say to you, trying to predict every possible reaction that could come from you. Every now and then he would put out his hand, sweaty from nerves, wanting to grab the handle and go inside, but he would immediately withdraw it. Fighting an internal battle with himself, he couldn't decide what to do. Then he heard the sound of an old piano, and after a while your voice.

I miss knowin' what you're thinkin' And hearin' how your day has been Do you think you can tell me everything, darling? But leave out every part about her Right now you're probably by the ocean While I'm still out here in the rain With every day that passes by since we've spoken It's like our dreams are turning grey Maybe it's supposed to be this way

But, oh, my love I wanna say I miss the brown in your eyes And when I said we could be friends, guess I lied I wanna say I wish that you never left Oh, but instead I only wish you the best I wanna say without you, everything's wrong And you were everything I need all along I wanna say I wish that you never left Oh, but instead I only wish you the best

Well, I can't help but notice You seem happier than ever now And I guess that I should tell you I'm sorry It seems I was the problem somehow Maybe I only brought you down

Wish I could say it's something I really mean But I want you happy whether not it's with me I wanna say I wish that you never left Oh, but instead I only wish you the best I wanna say without you, everything's wrong And you were everything I need all along I wanna say I wish that you never left Oh, but instead I only wish you the best

You didn't deserve all the pain he caused you. You didn't deserve to be sad. The fact that he made you think you weren't good enough for him tightened his throat. The claws of guilt clenched even tighter when he heard that despite how he hurt you, you still wished him well. On impulse, he pushed the door handle hard and rushed inside.

"You were never the problem." He said as soon as your gaze fell on him.

"What do you want Eddie?" the very sight of him was like pouring salt on a wound.

"To talk. Please." his eyes glazed over with tears, he was desperate. And even though you felt like running away, you didn't. Part of you, despite the pain, wanted to hear what he had to say.

"I will leave you alone." Robin said. "I'll wait for you in front of the classroom."

"Okay." you said. When she left your eyes went back to him again.

"I broke up with Chrissy." he said quickly. "Everything is over between us, for good."

"What do you expect from me? Congratulations? Are you looking for a shoulder to cry on again?" Your words were sharp and painful. Even if he was ready for them and expected them, nothing could protect him from it. It was hard for you, too. You never wanted to be a person who would hurt those whom you loved. Unfortunately, you did not know how to deal with it any other way. Feelings of betrayal and disappointed trust still filled you, so fighting pain with causing pain clouded your view on the world and you couldn't find another solution. You couldn't afford to be vulnerable.

"I just wanted you to know, a-and-" he looked confused. It was as if he was sinking once again, but this time he saw no light from the safe haven anywhere.

"I'll ask again Eddie, why did you choose her? What was I not good enough at?" hot tears steamed your cheeks. "Who held you in their arms when she left? Where was Chissy when you drank yourself into unconsciousness from sadness? Who carried you half-conscious into the trailer and held your hair when you were throwing up?" you didn't want to use his moments of weakness against him but it was all too much for you. Flustered, you began to list further. "Where was Chrissy during your concerts? Where was she during the competition? Did she finally stop avoiding meetings with your uncle? Did she finally introduce you to her family? When her friends called you the worst names, did she do anything other than look the other way and pretend not to hear them?" you were angry, but mostly hurt. "It was ME who was by your side the whole time, not Chrissy. I was the one who wiped away all your tears Eddie, you knew very well how I felt about you, you knew very well that I would do anything for you! And it still wasn't enough. Without hesitation I gave you my heart, because I naively believed that you were really capable of loving me, but I was wrong. It turned out even that was not enough. No matter how hard I tried, you would always choose to be heartbroken by her, rather than give me a chance."

"I know you hate me now, but-"

"I don't hate you, Eddie! I wish I could hate you but I fucking love you and it hurts me even more! You said I was like a lighthouse that helped you get home during the storm. Why did you throw yourself into those waves once again? The pain she gave you was better than staying with me?"

"I was an idiot! Blinded by fucking stereotype about first love, I thought it was the right thing to do! I knew what to expect from her, but I didn't know what to expect from you, from us! Things were different with you, no one had ever behaved like that towards me, I was afraid that sooner or later it would all end anyway..." he said, and only later it occurred to him what the meaning of these words was. Thinking that he couldn't hurt you he was wrong.

"I'm sorry to tell you this Eddie but in most cases first love sucks. It mercilessly destroys everything you ever believed in leaving you nothing but a wreck! But now I'm beginning to think that all loves are just like that..." you wipe away the tears. You didn't want to show him how much you were hurting.

"y/n..."

"How would you react if I were the one to go back to Ethan? If I had been the one to leave you for him just because he was my first love and I knew what to expect from a relationship with him?"

"You know damn well he was a piece of shit and didn't deserve you." he growled without thinking.

"Why do you think he was a piece of shit?"

"Because he cheated on you with half the cheerleading squad! He didn't appreciate what he has!"

"That's right Eddie. He cheated on me with half the cheerleading squad. Including Chrissy." you said bitterly. "You have no right to say that he didn't appreciate what he had, because you didn't want it either."

"I beg you, let me fix it." He grabbed your hand, but you quickly snatched it away.

"I'm not a consolation prize Eddie. Not again," you said.

"You never were!"

"Stop lying! You always come to me only when she disappears from your life leaving a void! I fell for it once but never again Eddie. Never fucking again." You walked past him and out of the room leaving him alone. He felt like someone had ripped out his heart and torn it into little pieces.

What he felt when he first caught Chrissy cheating was nothing compared to what was happening now. Now, on top of all this, he added self-hatred. He hated himself for all the harm he had done to you. He hated himself for every tear you shed because of him. He hated himself for every song you wrote about him. Indeed, a song. His hazy gaze fell on the piece of paper with the lyrics that you had forgotten to take. He approached slowly and began to stare at your writing. At the words that were directed to him. Despite the fact that the song was beautiful he wished it had never been written. At that moment he dreamed of nothing more than turning back time, and sending Chrissy straight to hell.

I wanna say without you, everything's wrong And you were everything I need all along I wanna say I wish that you never left, I wanna say I wish you loved me instead of her Oh, but instead I only wish you the best

The crossed-out phrase was glaring him. He stopped loving Chrissy. Of that he was sure. So why then did he accept her back? What the fuck is wrong with you Munson? He asked himself, yet he didn't know the answer. He felt as if everything was wrong with him. He had never been great at making good decisions, but this one seemed to be on the top of the worst ones in his entire life.

For the rest of the classes he did his best not to let on how awful he felt. With a mask of false happiness on his face, he survived to the end. He didn't want others to know the truth. He knew that if only someone noticed even a single tear from his eye the rumor would spread faster than anything else. The worst part would be that people would link it to Chrissy, and he couldn't let that happen.

It wasn't until a trailer appeared in his sight that he felt all the dams inside him burst. Without a word he went inside, ignoring his uncle's questions, and locked himself in his room. His heart began to beat faster and his breathing caught up with the speed. Here he didn't have to pretend. Here he could allow himself a moment of weakness. Tears began to fall, however, he didn't know if it was from sadness or anger. He felt overwhelmed. He was crushed to the ground by something heavy, so that he was unable to get up. He nervously started looking around the room, noticing objects that reminded him of her. A hair elastic she had once lent him, some Polaroids taken in the privacy of her room, where they were together, a pen he had once borrowed from her. The small objects seemed too big now. Not fitting here. Quickly he picked up the bin that stood by the bed and started throwing everything away. Everything that only connected him to the past. He even got rid of his T-shirt, which she claimed was her favorite. There was no place in his life for her anymore. Throwing it all away was the final step. A symbolic ritual that brought him even more relief despite the tears that still flowed into his eyes. Looking around to see if he was sure he had cleared out everything, he swung his hand, knocking down the photo that stood on his bedside table.

"No! nononono..." he began to repeat while bending down to pick it up. "Damn it! Shit!" he cursed. Looking at the broken frame, he couldn't stand it anymore. Eddie was never one of those people who cried out loud. This time when the first sob left his mouth right after it like a domino flew others. "I am so sorry, so fucking sorry." He looked in despair at the framed photo he received from you right after breaking up with Chrissy.

"As a reminder that you will never be alone," you said handing him a wooden frame.

Inside there was a photo that Gareth had once taken at one of the rehearsals. You were sitting side by side playing one guitar. Eddie was responsible for the chords on its neck with one hand and you were strumming the rhythm. You looked at each other with a smile. Now looking at this photo he was able to recognize your look. A gaze full of warmth and love that you had felt for him for a very long time. Unfortunately, now everything was damaged, cracked, just like the frame he held in his hands.

He helplessly sank to the floor leaning against the bed. When the door from his room opened and a worried Wayne stood in it.

"Can we talk son?" he asked entering the room slowly.

"I'm not in the mood, Wayne." Eddie replied while wiping his tears into the sleeve.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." The man sat down next to his nephew on the floor. "You know I usually try to respect your privacy and give you space, but your condition worries me."

Eddie answered nothing, still looking at the photo he held in his shaking hands. He also tried to calm the sounds of crying that desperately wanted to escape from his throat.

"It's okay if you feel like crying, boy. Everyone needs to cry their eyes out sometimes." He put his arm around him, at which Eddie burst out in tears once again. Wayne said nothing more. He held him in his arms waiting for each wave of sadness to pass. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen him so shaken. His hiccuped breaths were the only sound filling the room.

"I fucked up." he gulped. "I destroyed everything. Everything."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

He did. He told everything from the very beginning. Taking his uncle through all the events step by step, he shared his pain with him. He didn't feel judged. Instead, he felt listened to. When he finished telling the story, from his pocket he took out a bent piece of paper that he had taken earlier from the music room and handed it to him. The man read the text in silence without asking questions. He knew your handwriting, you had shown him many times the songs you had written together. Knowing the whole situation now, he also guessed that the song you wrote was about Eddie.

"You made a mistake son. Now you must face its consequences." he said handing him back the piece of paper. "But I think that you still have a chance," he said.

"She said she still loves me, and that it hurts her even more,"

"And we can't be surprised by it. You yourself know very well how it hurts when the person we love breaks our heart." his voice was calm. He wasn't going to lie to Eddie that everything would be fine. He wasn't going to lie by saying he hadn't done anything wrong. "But judging by that song, by what she said... there is still hope. You just have to decide if you want it and if you are willing to fight for it."

"I want it, I want it so damn much," he said.

"You know it won't be easy?"

"I know... but she's worth it. She always has been."

"You have to try to explain it to her."

"I tried today, but I screwed things up even more."

"Try until you get it right. Show that you care. You deserve a second chance son. I know you and I know that you are worth it too."

"Do you really think so?"

"I know it."

"Thanks." He hugged his old man and got up from the floor later helped him do the same.

"What are you going to do now?"

"To try until it works." Determined, he left the house and got into his car.

When he pulled up in your driveway all the windows were covered. Just as he thought, no one opened the door when he knocked on it. After a few attempts, he returned to his car, creating in his mind a map of places where he could find you. Unfortunately, there was no sign of you anywhere. The next stop was Robin's house, but you were not there either. Mrs. Buckley, though, mentioned that you and her daughter had arranged a movie marathon at Steve's house.

Standing in front of the Harringtons' mansion, he felt very strange. Out of place. His barely alive van parked next to a shiny BMW caused curious neighbors to look out the windows watching him. After several knocks on the door, Steve opened it.

"You've got to be kidding me. What are you doing here?" he asked crossing arms over his chest.

"Let me talk to her please," Eddie said.

"Dude do you have any idea what you did with her? I've never seen anyone in my life able to cry so much, we couldn't calm her down for over an hour." Steve looked around, seeing the curious stares he stepped aside letting Eddie inside and closed the door behind them. "You have to be quiet, she fell asleep and don't even dare wake her up."

"Steve? Who is it?" Robin's whisper came from the stairs.

"Y/n has a guest..." Hearing this, the girl found herself downstairs at the speed of light sticking her gaze into the metalhead.

"You look like shit." she said measuring him from top to bottom. His eyes were still bloodshot from crying.

"Well... I am a piece of shit, so the look fits." he replied quietly.

"At least we agree on that." Her answer was sharp. Still, he didn't expect any different.

"I really care about her, let me talk to her, please." he went straight to the point.

"If you care so much about her why did you choose Chrissy? Your words go against everything you do." Steve said.

"I don't know why! At that moment I wasn't even sure if I still loved her, but at the time it seemed reasonable that it should be that way."

"It was the stupidest decision you could have made," said Steve.

"I know I want to fix it!"

"There's no way I'm going to let you close to her, Musnon. I left you alone today with the hope that you could really explain everything, and you broke her even more. I didn't even know it was possible!" Robin was furious.

"Every time we manage to pick up the pieces of her and somehow glue it all together you smash everything up all over again. How many more times are you going to leave her with a broken heart?" Steve questioned.

"Never. Never again if you just let me." He was ready to beg them on his knees. They were like an impenetrable shield protecting you from him.

"No way." Robin was adamant. Steve, however, saw something different in all this, so he looked at his friend with a meaningful gaze. "Are you crazy? You really want to give him a chance?!" she exclaimed in a whisper.

"You know perfectly well that he is the only person who can finally make her happy! We will never do that! And besides, he cares. The fact that he came all the way here just shows how desperate he is!" Eddie couldn't believe what was happening. Steve Harrington was just taking his side. The same Steve Harrington who should have flung his fists at him the moment he saw him on his doorstep for breaking his friend's heart.

"You're mental! Do you really think he deserves forgiveness? After everything he did to her?"

"Yes, I believe!" this time emotions took over and he was unable to keep his voice quiet. Everyone was shocked by the loudness and turned their gaze towards the stairs that led upstairs where you were sleeping. After a moment of silence, when they heard no sound Steve continued, whispering again. "I too have made many mistakes Robin. You know very well that I was much worse than he was, but you have forgiven me. You all forgave me and gave me a chance to show that I can change. That I can fix my mistakes. Maybe it's worth at least trying? Do you remember how happy she was with him? We've never seen her like that in our lives, so maybe it's worth letting him."

"Fine." she said after a moment of reflection. When she analyzed what Steve had said, it was hard for her to disagree. "But not today. Let her rest for goodness sake." she sighed. "This will be your last chance, Munson. I hope you don't screw it up."

Before he could say anything Robin came back upstairs leaving him alone with Steve.

"Thanks man..." he said quietly.

"Listen, I seriously believe you have no intention of hurting her again...But that doesn't mean we forgive you. Just make sure you don't mess anything up this time."

"I promise." he said.

When he returned home Wayne was gone. Entering the room, he noticed how a new, empty photo frame lay on the bed, with an old, shattered one next to it. He quickly put the photo in the new one and set it on the bedside table where it had been placed before.

"I won't give up on you." he said quietly feeling a familiar sting in his chest. The realization that you were now sleeping in Steve Harrington's bed didn't help either, because he would have given anything to have you in his arms again. Instead, he had an empty, cold place next to him reminding him of the emptiness you left behind.

Staring at the photo, he recalled how he felt when you chose him for the first time. Silence like the one that surrounded him now spread memories of how safe he felt with you. He closed his eyes, hoping that in his dream everything would be fine. Despite the fact that no one was breathing beside him now, he wanted your soothing whisper to lull him to sleep. Imagining it all again, he felt the wet drops running along his cheeks. In his mind he still had your face, he still had it, and he wanted to hold on that sight tightly, vowing that if he ever managed to get you back he would do everything to not lose you again.

taglist: @i-me-mine @phantypurple @chrissymjstan @sidthedollface2 @bakugouswh0r3 @tlclick73 @1paire2vans

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livelovecaliforniadreams · 8 months

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I Am All In Rewatch - Episode 1x13

I did enjoy the Luke stuff. You know, the Rachel stuff where the L McPherson girl that dumped me and broke my heart. I I thought back to New York City when I lived in New York and I was studying acting and doing theater and all that stuff, and you know, going out at night and meeting models and things like that. You know it was you know, so I knew what I was drawing from in those moments. I when I saw that scene, I said, oh, yeah, I've been that guy. I yeah, that's that's from experience. [It was such a major revelation to the audience and to Lorelai, like wow, and how you went so just like bleep crazy over the sweatshirt.] Yeah, that was that was that was the big relationship that that really rocked my world that I will never recover from. [Yeah, and it helps us with that timeline clarity because that was happening the town knew but Laura la wasn't totally privy to all of it.] -Scott

[So how do you think Lorelai felt finding out about Rachel? Because we know I'd love to learn more from you what Luke felt. But what do you think Lorelai felt?] Well, Lorelai feels you know that now she's she's sort of considering. I think Lorelai is kind of on the fence. I think she feels a certain way about Luke and that's undeniable, right, there's an attraction there, but is she going to act on it? And I think that's really the debate that's going on within her. Is this, you know, whereas she should have been having this debate with herself with Max Medina, she's having this debate with with Luke because they are such friends and they've known each other a long time, and she goes there three times a day sometimes, um, usually once at least once a day. So it's a you know, it's a real practical question, right, how she's gonna she is she gonna alter her her schedule, she gonna alter her daily life. If that blows up, she won't be able to go to Luke's anymore. And it's like, so she's having that debate, but learning that he was with you know, the the the uber fox girlfriend that was the road the road went to Pamplona, Spain and ran with the bulls or whatever she did, wildlife photographer and like jumped into volcanoes since it all rode bulls like, you know, dove into hundred foot cliffs, into tiny little bodies of water, you know, just a wild, wild woman. Um. And I think Lorelai, yeah, And I think Sooki nailed her she was jealous, or she was measuring herself against this, and you know, maybe that's why Luke doesn't make a move on me, because I'm not pretty enough and I'm not wild enough, and you know that kind of I thing.-Scott

Well it definitely, you know it really it really kind of um solidified Luke's bonafides as a man. [I will say it gave you a lot of cred.] It did. Right. She's like you know now she Lorelai's sitting back thinking, man, Luke's cooking with gas. You know what I'm saying. [Actually, that's so accurate. It took your stock up, even though it probably terrified her, and she's like, how do I compete with that? At the same time, she's like, wait a minute...] Let's get let's maybe get in the fight here. Let's let's get some attention. This guy might have something going on behind the curtain, you know, what's happening there? And that the fact is, and another thing that really solidifies his bonafides is he wouldn't move out of Stars Hollow. For El McPherson, it's like he's still the grounded guy and simple guy, practical guy. No doing his business. He wasn't. He wasn't moving. -Scott

[But man, and you were mad? Is that the maddest we've seen Luke?] No, No, when I I when when they were talking, when Sooki was and Lorelai were at the counter talking about Max Medina, No he's so dreamy this kind of thing, and Sooki came behind the counter. He flipped. I don't think he's ever popped at anybody in the show like that. Maybe maybe Taylor once in a while. But I thought that was just anyway. [So Luke has two ticking points the sweater and Max Medina...Yeah, it's like Luke can get pissed. Feisty? How would you describe it? how do you describe sort of that reaction to the sweatshirt?] Just hurts and he's confused, he doesn't know why she's wearing it. He thinks he probably thinks that she knows about Rachel and she's just wearing it to provoke him, and he can't understand why. He's not really thought it out, but he's just reacting. [You tried to get rid of it, though you tried. You tried to get rid of it because you put it in the rummage sales stuff.] Right, But why is she wearing it? [Right? Why did he take it back? And don't understand why he took it back] Because she offered it and she was being really cool with him. [And he wasn't ready to let it go. He tried. This is my take that Luke tried to sort of get rid of it, like we all do, to sort of erase that memory of that person that we love, and then it shows up in his face. He's all hurt, which is a great way to describe it. And then he's he realized is like, I'm just putting this back in the closet. I'm not ready.] So Lorelai in you know, in sync with him enough to realize that he's not ready to move on and that that's not going to help him move on, that he should keep it because the only thing that's going to help him move on is some Lorelai. Right? So that empowered her. -Scott

#i am all in #luke x lorelai #lorelai x luke #luke danes #lorelai gilmore #javajunkie #lauren graham #scott patterson #love #gif #gifs #gifset #gilmore girls #1x13

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crazy-loca-blog · 6 months

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I thought about sharing what's been my view during the last few days... I can't believe how much I needed to leave the big city for a while, my stress levels have mostly gone and the only reason I think I won't get rid of the constant exhaustion it's because I won't have enough days to sleep and fully recover! 😂

Anyway, I'm not dead, I'm here, and I so want to have time to read all your wonderful fics and stories, but as I've been so exhausted, the moment I try to pick anything to read I start falling asleep and it sucks (it's not that your stories are boring, it's just that I'm too tired! 😂).

During my time out I've managed to read some Choices' chapters though. And of course, I have some opinions no one asked for (but I need to share them anyway):

ALPHA is EVERYTHING Wolf Bride should have been. It was such a fun reading! But let me tell you, I'm going to need many answers in Book 2, Book 1 left too many unsolved questions.

I also managed to read THE BILLIONAIRE'S BABY. My biggest issue was that I didn't understand certain dialogues and attitudes because they weren't consistent with the game I was playing. I ended up restarting the book and that's when I realized that if you don't pick any diamond scenes until the story forces the MC and the LI to hook up, everything makes much more sense. I mean, the book is still awful (especially the ending... that was so "wtf?!?"), but at least now I kind of understand what I read.

The last book I finished was SHIP OF DREAMS. It's not a terrible book, it's not a mind-blowing book, it's OK. I can't compare it to the Storyscape story because I never read that one, but I honestly didn't expect the plot to be different to the movie, so no surprises there. The amount of smut was completely unnecessary, I think it ruined a lot of moments, especially because the characters in the book had very nice personalities that could have been further developed: both the nice guys and the villains were on point. The ending? Disappointing, as it didn't solve one of the big conflicts in the book.

Right now I'm reading UNBRIDED. Man... what did they do to Mandy? By the end of Untamable, she was the LI of my MC's brother, and then suddenly she becomes a LI for my new MC? It took a lot of chapters to understand what had happened between the end of Book 1 and the beginning of Book 2. Awful move! That should have been explained at the very beginning of the story! I also hate, hate, HATE the fact that you can't be a genuinely nice person without having some romance involved. Most of the time there is no choice and that makes me feel super limited in my game. Finally, I don't understand why the MC is so scared of telling everyone her secret. I didn't expect to get a good book here, but even if the story makes sense, I'm so limited in my choices that I end up feeling I can't play the book the way I want to and that kind of ruins the experience.

Anyway, I hope to be able to return to this little corner soon. I miss being here, but the constant exhaustion is not helping. I can't even keep up with all Choices' releases as I used to as I fall asleep mid chapter, so I'm reading books that have at least 10 chapters completed and that's kind of working better at the moment. I miss my life from a few years ago, where I was tired, but I had time to share stuff here. I'm on my way to fix it, but I really need my body to cooperate for it to work! 😅

#it's me hi #playchoices #choices stories you play #alpha #ship of dreams #the billionaire's baby #unbrided #untamable

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bogartchive · 3 months

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in sickness and in health [gepard x oc]

i haven't written anything in maybe two years but yeah. no beta we die like cocolia.

warnings: oc x canon. maybe ooc gepard and a lot of self-indulgence

side story

the first thing gepard feels is softness. something is gently patting his skin, starting from his forehead and making its way to his arm. there's a throbbing pain everywhere on his body, but it's especially worse on his arm. he struggles to open his eyes— and he finds that he is only able to open one for now.

"you're awake." his vision is blurry, but there's only one person who could have that familiar voice and black hair. they stare at him with lifeless eyes, a contrast to the gentle smile on their face.

maria. he wants to say their name, but his throat is dry and his voice won't cooperate. gepard's eyes finally adjust to the light, which bounces on their hair from above. it seems like a halo from his position below, mesmerized at the sight.

"do you know me?" they put the towel in their hands down on the table beside them. "if you can't move your head, blink twice if yes. blink once if no."

gepard weakly nods once, and the medic in front of him visibly relaxes.

"you're in natasha's clinic." maria's voice is steady as their eyes inspect him from head to toe. "we brought you here for urgent medical care after that skirmish, and you've been unconscious for two days. as for your injuries..." they shift in their seat, and for a split second, their smile seemed to falter. "a broken arm, multiple bruises and scratches, and an injured eye. don't worry, it's not enough to cause vision loss, but it'll leave a pretty nasty scar."

"and... the others?" his voice comes out raspy after being unused for a while.

"no casualties." they shake their head, "you can rest easy now."

a sigh escapes his lips in relief. "thank you." his gaze lingers a little too long on the dark circles under maria's eyes. a dull and suffocating feeling creeps up in his chest at the realization that it had been a busy day for them with the influx of injured patients. "you should get some rest, too."

he only realizes that they were leaning close to him when they pull away, sitting up straight. "i'm fine, really." even their voice sounds more distant, as if putting a wall to shield themselves. "there's more work to do, i can't just sit idly by when people need my help."

part of him wants to argue with them, that rest should be just as important as work, but the smile on maria's face tells him that they'll take no opinions on their decision and it is final. still, he wants to do it. but before he could find the proper words to do so, the medic stands up, makes an excuse says something about checking on the others, and leaves with hurried steps.

there's not much to do while recovering from injury. it's one of gepard's least favorite things about being injured— the time he spends staring at the ceiling or sleeping could have been spent on maybe catching up with paperwork or checking up on the guards' training. he couldn't sneak off and work this time, though. he'll never forget how the smile from maria's face faded when he suggested the idea of bringing some of his pending documents to the clinic.

"you'll be discharged soon enough, captain. but as long as you're here, your focus should be on rest and recovery only."

their cold use of his title will forever be engrained in his mind. he truly could not find it in himself to argue with them. if his older sister were here, she would probably laugh at the scene in front of her. teasing him about how they had him wrapped around their finger, much like when they were still children. he wonders if maria knows about this, too. or if they've ever noticed the way he softens up around them—

typing with one hand on such a tiny device (and cracked screen) is hard, but it's the only thing he can do to distract himself for now. gepard's messages were filled with 'get well soon's' and even a moving picture from the supreme guardian with glitter and flowers, accompanied by a notification that he should take all the time off that he needs to recover. it was a struggle thanking everyone, with the frequent occasional typo here and there, but he managed to do it. and now he was scrolling mindlessly through short videos on his phone.

his browsing was interrupted when a voice called out to him. "how are you feeling, captain gepard?" it was none other than the only other doctor in the clinic, natasha.

"i'm feeling better than yesterday, thank you." he nods, but he wonders if he should ask...

"i sent maria home."

"ah." well, his question must have been written on his face in all capital letters for natasha to have noticed it.

the senior doctor gives him an amused look, "they haven't slept in two days. even so, they tried to stay, but only became convinced when i told them that lack of sleep is dangerous for this job, leading to life-threatening accidents." she sighs, sitting beside him. "i hope you don't mind that i'll be the one changing your bandages this time."

"i don't mind." gepard shifts slightly to give her better access to his bandages. this time, she says. he tries to fight down the embarrassment at the thought of maria stripping him down and patching him up themselves. even if it was done for medical purposes... it's unsettling that they have seen his bare skin, which was littered with scars and healed wounds from previous battles.

natasha seems to sense his discomfort, and starts talking as she worked around him. "doctors aren't supposed to have preferential treatment towards their patients. each one should be treated equally."

he stays silent, not knowing where she was going with this conversation.

"but if it gives you any comfort," she starts wrapping a fresh roll of bandages onto his skin, "after treating everyone else, maria stayed by your side most of the time. constantly looking after you, waiting for you to wake up. i believe they may have shed some tears once you did— but keep that between us, alright?"

gepard feels the heat creeping up his neck, a tinge of pink dusting his pale skin all over. "they did that." his words don't come out as a question, more like a statement. in awe that someone other than his family would cry for him. cared for him enough to lose sleep just to make sure that he was okay.

"indeed." natasha nodded. she's almost finished patching him up, "from what i can see, you definitely have a chance. it's just a matter of who makes a move first."

his neck almost breaks at the speed of him turning his head to look at her, "i— i don't—" he stammers, and he internally curses the overwhelming heat on his cheeks and the heart that was threatening to leap out of his chest.

she simply smiles at him as she stands up, and that's when he remembers that this doctor might have been spending too much time with his sister. or maybe he was just that obvious from the beginning. his phone buzzes on the table beside the bed, and through the cracked screen, there was a single notification.

maria: got sent home but couldn't sleep. how are you?

gepard tells himself to reply later when he's calmed down. right now, his phone was at risk for being crushed to death under his nervous iron grip.

#honkai star rail #hsr #maria #gepmari #oc x canon #gepard x oc #gepard landau #honkai star rail oc #hsr oc #bogwrites #i wanted to draw the second part but i didn't want to get my ipad to draw and just. it turned into a fic #finding a way to connect this to my latest gepmari comic somehow

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ceruleanmusings · 3 months

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Ravi Panikkar - Pain & Panic

a/n: so this is the intro scene to a ravi centered fanfic that i've been working on, on and off, for the last couple of years but i've been too scared to post. the minute ravi was introduced i fell in love with him. i wish he had more screentime or was used as more than comedic relief when the writers gave us a good backstory of him having had cancer as a child! and then the (potential) trauma of losing civillians! since the show won't explore his backstory, i will! i hope anyone who reads this enjoys! this also contains an oc.

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Why was it after someone recovered from an injury or got a clean bill of health or walked away from a near-death experience, they’re told they have a new lease on life? Did the last one expire? How long was the new lease supposed to last? A month? Two? Twelve? Fifteen? At what point were they able to renegotiate and ask for better terms? Maybe they could get a good deal if they renewed on a three-month basis.

Granted, no one wants to live their life counting down the days they have left. That is, not unless that’s their only option. But when other options present themselves, what else are they supposed to do instead of count time? They were used to it. Habits die hard. It wasn’t theirs anyway, the new amount of time dropped on their laps. It was borrowed so it was best not to get too comfortable with it.

I didn’t.

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No matter how many times he rifled through his bag, checking and rechecking and rechecking the contents packed and in their proper places, Ravi Panikkar couldn’t shake the feeling he was forgetting something.

Blowing out a breath, lips vibrating at the effort, Ravi dug a hang through his thick, dark hair, staring down at the stack of books, notepads, extra clothes, toiletries, and towel. His eyes raked over every nook and cranny of the bag, shifting through the checklist popping up in his mind. But he always came up short at the end, a big blank spot pulsing at him, taunting the less-than-stellar results of his mental faculties.

Not that he needed the reminder; the scar on his chest did a good job of that.

“Okay, one more time,” Ravi muttered. Removing the items, he placed them on the bed in reverse order. Maybe seeing it all in front of him again would jog his memory. It may not exactly be a muscle, but it needed to be stretched and warmed up too. He needed to be wide awake and on full alert.

Slapping his face with his palms, Ravi shook out his hands and blew out another breath. “First, towels. Then the pants, shirts, books, notebooks…” As he spoke, he picked up each item and replaced them in the bag, mentally adding a little checkmark in his mind as he went. Underwear, check. Socks, check. Pens, check. Gloves, charger, toiletries, sunscreen, bug spray, watch, utility knife, power bars, flashlight, chapstick, bug spray, and wet wipes. Everything was back in its proper place, stacked large to small, bottom to top, and he even had a little space leftover. And yet the little neon sign in his head flickered and pulsed, pointing to the empty spot on his list.

What was he missing?

Turning on his heel, he left his room and made a beeline for the living room, snapping his twitching fingers along the way. The living room welcomed him in with remnants of his late-night cramming session: flashcards lay scattered around the floor like fallen autumn leaves, workbooks left open and discarded on the couch, tangled up with the gray bed sheet spread across the cushions, uncapped highlighters and dried out pens scattered across the coffee table. A pristine snapshot of the day before his life changed.

He still had time to back out, to change his mind, to respond to the email that’d been sitting unread on his computer the past couple of months. He could get back on track and this little derailment would be a little blip in his life plan. He could put all this in the rear-view mirror and never think of it again. That way everyone would win and he didn’t disappoint anyone else. Except maybe himself…

Sucking in a deep breath, Ravi placed his hands on his hips and began to pace. Every few steps he’d let out the breath he held only to suck it back in a moment later. His heart pounded against his chest and tingles popped at his fingertips. “You’re okay, you’re okay. You’re good! This is a good thing you’re doing. You want to do something good and that’s what you’re doing.” His voice was small or was the ticking of the clock on the wall drowning him out? With each ratchet of the second hand, the ticking got louder and louder, becoming a series of slamming doors, sealing his fate.

No turning back.

“Ravi?”

The scuffle by the door stopped him in his tracks, his hands flying up to cup the back of his neck, still breathing hard. Something metal scraped against the other side of the door and, a second later it swung open due to the kick of a booted foot. Ravi watched as a mass of plastic grocery bags rustled and shimmied and swung their way in through the open door, hanging off light brown arms, one lifted neon orange Doc Marten, and between the clenched teeth of his roommate, Betsy Payne.

Betsy managed to hop into the room, turn, and close the door with her extended foot. A muffled laugh of triumph sounded around the bag handles between her teeth, her lips curling up in the corners, brown eyes shinning. Her long braids swung with the movements, the gold rings and cuffs adorning the ropes clinking together and brushing against the plastic bags digging into her arms, puckering her skin, leaving deep indents behind.

“Why didn’t you take two trips?”

Her answer became muffled around the bag, but he knew what she said anyway. She said it all the time. Two trips are for chumps! It was a spectacle at this point, seeing all the ways she could come up with not having to go back and forth to her jeep. Her stubborn streak was a mile wide and equally as deep.

The smile slipped from her face and the lights in her eyes dimmed with flooding concern. Her head tilted to the side and his breath caught for a second beneath her curious gaze. It left a trail as it swept across his face, then ran from head to toe and back again. Her shoulders sagged and she spoke again, the words still coming out a mumbled mess. Are you freaking out?

“Little bit,” Ravi replied, nodding. His head jostled like a bobblehead, coming very close to the way his leg bounced before he forced himself to get up and get ready for his shift. The packing helped his jumpy limbs until he forgot something. …What was it?

“Aww.” Her compassion was short lived, being replaced with a cry of shock when the bag slipped out of her mouth and smacked against the ground. The resulting crack made both their eyes widen and drop their chins to look at the floor, where oozing yellow goop spilled onto the shiny hardwood. “Oh man! Those were the eggs!”

“Here, let me.” Ravi took the bags from her, untangling her limbs, collecting them in his hands with ease. Once set on the kitchen table, he rifled through the bags for the perishables, putting them away. Next came the frozen food and sweet treats, then the dry food, the cans, bread, junk food, and finally produce. Everything in order and everything in its rightful place, checklist complete. He didn’t miss anything.

“Ah, see, you’re already putting those firefighter skills to good use. Bet all those hoses are heavier than those bags though.” Betsy slipped past him, hand dragging against his back, juggling a paper towel roll and the cloth-pad mop beneath an arm.

“They weigh about the same with all the ice cream you buy.”

Betsy shot him a look. “It’s for emergencies.”

A smile cracked at Ravi’s mouth as he shoved his hands in his pockets. Leaning against the entryway wall, he crossed his feet at the ankles and watched her grimace while scooping up the yolk in the paper towels. “I don’t think watching Riverdale counts as an emergency.”

Betsy snorted. “You’ve clearly never seen Riverdale if you don’t think stuffing my face with ice cream to numb the pain isn’t an emergency.”

“So why do you watch it?”

“I don’t. Not regularly. That’s the point.” Betsy balled up the paper towels and dragged dry patches against her fingers, scraping off excess yolk. “It’s my last choice if there’s absolutely nothing on.”

“You can’t even settle for a Lifetime movie?”

“You know I can’t watch those without you. I can’t make running commentary on the characters’ stupidity alone.” She tossed the wadded ball at him and he ducked out of the way. It landed with a wet smack against the kitchen floor. Ravi gripped the front of his jacket and looked for any wayward stretch of yolk or egg white. It was still a perfect navy blue, the red and white lettering on the lapel as bright as when he first received it the day prior. He hadn’t gotten his uniform yet. That was for tonight. “You’re not freaking out.” Betsy speaking again grabbed Ravi’s attention. She looked at him through the parting curtain of her swinging braids with every push and pull of the mop. It gave a mechanical whir as she pressed the button on the handle, shooting cleaning mixture on the floor.

“I still am.”

“Why?”

“Because. What if…I was wrong? What if I’m not cut out for this? What if I’m making a mistake?”

“Ravi, I did not let you carry me over your shoulder up and down six flights of stairs every day for fourteen weeks for it to be a mistake." She paused in her mopping, leaning her weight against the handle. "You were one of the best in your class. I don’t know anyone else with a brain like yours. There’s no one else more cut out for this than you. You’re even made of the right material: big heart, patience, and a trusting face that’ll make a Disney prince envious." He cracked a smile at that. "It’s a winning combination, if I do say so myself. Besides, people need to see you. Maybe there’ll be other little brown boys and girls that’ll grow up thinking they can be firefighters too.”

“You think?” He couldn't keep the hope from leaking into the skepticism attached to his words.

She nodded. “I know. There’s not enough of people like you out there. Someone needs to save people, why not you? Besides, you’ll be fulfilling a lot of people’s dreams of being rescued by a handsome fireman. We can’t let that go to waste.”

“Do people really dream of that?” He asked with a laugh.

“Do people really dream of being saved from their worst nightmare or that worst fear, cradled up against the strong chest of their savior, carried to safety, held like a baby in their big, strong arms? Yes, yes they do." Throwing a wink his way, she added with a large grin, "And I’m one of them.”

His cheeks burned and he crossed his arms, giving her a look. “As long as you don’t intentionally go looking for trouble.”

“Moi?" Her eyes widened and she let out a little gasp. "I would never! I can’t believe you’d suggest such a thing!" Then, waving her hand, she continued, "Besides, I don’t need to create emergencies for you to come to my rescue. You do that often enough." She resumed mopping. "That’s how I know you’ll be okay, by the way. But you won’t know unless you try." He hummed. She wasn't wrong. "Isn’t your shift soon?”

Soon. He hated that word. How many times had it been used whenever he asked when he was leaving the hospital? “Yeah, I was about to…um, I was getting ready.”

“Why don’t you get the rest of your stuff? And I’ll get you your dinner.”

“You made me dinner?”

“Of course. I figured you’d be spinning yourself into a circle by now." She peeled the dirtied mop pad off the green mop and tossed it in the nearby trash. "Feeding yourself is the last thing you should be worrying about.”

Reaching out, he placed a hand on her arm, stopping her from moving past him. “Thank you.” It was very sweet of her to be looking out for him. Especially after the last few weeks with the firehouse training schedule keeping him away and, when he was home, keeping him up at all hours. It couldn't have been easy dealing with him when she was on her own late-night bartending schedule.

“My pleasure. I gotta find a way to repay you somehow.”

He sighed. This again. “Bets, you know you don’t have to—”

Her waving hand blocked his protests. “I was going to make jambalaya, but I didn’t want to make everyone else in the fire house jealous and have a reason to dislike you.” Or more of a reason. “So I went with a breakfast sandwich. On a croissant.”

“Fancy.”

“I figure by the time your shift ends it’ll be morning and this way you don’t haveta make a pit stop before coming back here to crash.”

“Good call.”

She made the waving gesture again, this time shooing him away. Ravi followed her direction, going back to his room to grab his bag. After one more check—a quick one—he zipped up his bag and hefted it onto his shoulder, nearly folding to his side at the dropping weight. Hmm, maybe he packed too much. But it was better to be safe than sorry, right? “What were you going to do the rest of the night?” he asked once he was back in the living room.

She stepped on the heels of her Doc Martens, leaning against the wall for support as her shoulders lifted and dropped along with her sigh. “Well, I have some pictures I need to edit and get to Izzy tomorrow and I told Ms. Johnson I’d take Bear out on his walk. And the Goldsteins asked me to have dinner with them.” Her head tilted to the side and heat crawled up his neck at the look she pinned him with. It was very reminiscent of the look his mother would give him as a child. “Which I assume you had something to do with.”

Ravi rubbed the back of his neck. “…I might have asked them to invite you.”

Her head thudded against the wall when she tilted it backwards to groan. “Ra-vi!”

“I just…didn’t feel right with you being here alone," he said.

“I’ve been here alone before. I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, but last time—”

“I told you, I just had a bad night at work.” Her words were as stiff as the cross to her arms. “They happen.”

“I know you know this but if you want to talk about it—”

“Nothing to talk about." Her hand sliced the air, arm extended, blocking his words. "Except how you’re gonna be the bestest firefighter ever!”

He rolled his eyes. She was great at changing the subject. He'd let her off the hook, for now. “That’s not a word.”

“Because there’s not enough words in the English language that can describe how awesome you’re gonna be!" Her energy was as limitless as her smiles.

He grabbed his abandoned bag and slung it over his shoulder. The plastic on the strap creaked and groaned under the weight of the bag hanging off him. He ran through the checklist in his mind again. Check, check, check. Everything was in its place. Besides, he had a feeling if he stopped to look again Betsy would shove him into the bag and drag him to the firehouse herself.

Sucking in a breath and letting it out slow, Ravi took the steps towards the door and his future. He had one foot over the threshold when Betsy spoke: “Ravi, wait.”

“What?" God, he hoped she didn't have some sort of cheer waiting for him. Or a pinata she insisted he bust open or a mariachi band stashed somewhere. He appreciated her support but sometimes she didn't know where to draw the line. "I’m gonna be late, Bets.”

“Okay but I don’t think you’ll make a good first impression showing up at your first shift without shoes.”

Huh? Ravi dropped his chin and wiggled his toes. His bare toes. The cool grip of the hardwood into his feet, making a chill crawl up his spine. Oh.

So that’s what he forgot.

#ravi panikkar #911 fanfic #911 fanfiction #i'm still trying to figure him out but this is what i have so far and i hope someone else likes it #911 oc #i love ravi so much! he deserves more screen time!#my writings

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snorlaxlovesme · 7 months

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thoughts and feelings about the Netflix's Live Action Avatar, now that I've finished:

overall, net positive! as i said in my previous post about the first 3 episodes [x], i'm someone who goes into adaptations with minimal expectations, treating it more like fanfiction, so I can spend more time enjoying myself than being a butthurt baby, so with that in mind i can say that I enjoyed myself a lot! there are episodes that i'm actually really excited to rewatch (5 and 6 are bangers and i won't be told otherwise)

i'm not going to lie and claim that any of the actors will be winning Daytime Emmys, but there were a few standout performances for me at least:

-Zuko was incredible. i love the way this version leaned into Zuko's desperation to capture the Avatar, because now he finally had a real chance of being able to come home after all these years. his acting pre- and post-Agni Kai in the flashbacks felt so sincere. his optimism was adorable before the war meeting and his shattered expression after Ozai banished him was fucking heartbreaking.

-i really loved the boy who played Aang. he was so charming and cute! and i think as the episodes went along he gradually got better at displaying more subtle emotion. for such a young child actor i thought he was doing amazing

-Sokka's actor was putting in work in the back half! i was impressed! the first half of the show I was pretty neutral about Sokka's acting but the more development he got the more I appreciated what his actor was bringing to the table. i think he just needed to be paired with the right acting partners in a scene to bring out the best of his abilities. Katara didn't give him much to work off of, but his scenes with Sai and Yue really hit

-Zhao was great too! they really re-worked his character to be a lot more important from the jump and i loved seeing how underhanded he was being during all of Zuko's quest. normally seeing Zhao on-screen just annoys me but i loved this version and how patronizing he was to Zuko

-idk man every time Gyatso was on screen I was crying. that's just how it is. every time i saw his face it felt like a warm hug

i think the weird part of this adaptation is that the parts that were adapted were pretty mid (or sometimes just bad) in a lot of cases, but whenever they added in their own original ideas it really shined! i feel like that's not the case with a lot of adaptation, people want to see what they know, but honestly if they added in more of their own original writing in s2 I would not be mad because i loved what these writers were bringing to the table (for the most part)

-i've already said that the way they structured ep 1 to include the start of the war was awesome. that was a cool change to show the audience from the jump that they weren't planning on boring everyone with a one-to-one(but worse) adaptation. it also set the tone really well bc my GOD do firebenders be setting people on fire in this show

-big fan of the early inclusion of Kyoshi and the idea that Aang can only convene with past Avatars at their temples. that was not a Hard Rule in the original and it always felt weird to me that sometimes he needed to be at a certain place on a certain day to communicate with his past lives but then in the finale he just had to meditate wherever he was. but yeah, they used Kyoshi lore from the novels and did indeed lose my mind about it

-Zuko and the 41st division. that was SUCH a cool storyline that was woven in starting at episode ONE and i was genuinely impressed with how hard it hit. i didn't see that coming and it had me CRYINGGGG. so yeah, BIG thumbs up for that original storyline. and also they inclusion of the post-Agni Kai Zuko recovering in the hospital and getting banished for claiming that maybe the weak just need the opportunity to get strong. heartbreaking, devastating on its own (Zuko's actor truly was killing me, i loved him so much) but once we see Zuko and Azula start going toe-to-toe next season that line will hurt me even more

-the bonding moment about calligraphy between Aang and Zuko was a really good bait and switch. in the original Blue Spirit episode Zuko didn't talk to Aang at all before firing at him. i like that i was expecting it to play out the same way as before but instead they had a moment of connection before Aang triggered Zuko and all potential for empathy was lost.

-which seems like a good time to address Zuko's character. i want to be clear when i say that i liked something because it was different from the original, it doesn't mean that i like it BETTER than the original. i simply think the new version is fun fanfiction that was written better than i expected. so when i say i like how they dealt with Zuko's obsession with honor, i'm in no way implying it's superior to the original. simply a good different

-anyways. in the original, Zuko's obsession with honor is fully connected to his need to be wanted by his father again. OZAI is the only one who can restore it, and it can only be restored by completing an impossible task for him. in the Netflix version it almost seems like Zuko's honor is tied to the disillusion that the Fire Nation itself is honorable. the bit about Lieutenant...Yi? sorry i'm getting his name wrong, but Lieutenant Yi gossiping about a superior officer, Zuko's disbelief that the Fire Nation would ever use such underhanded tactics like planting spies in Omashu, it was clear to me that Zuko bought into a rigid sense of morality and honor when it came to the Fire Nation. i hope we see more of that in s2 so that we can see Zuko's world truly rocked when he and Iroh become refugees

-Katara being hailed as a master was very sweet! i wish she would have gotten SOME training from Paku (could still happen at the start of book 2) but I did enjoy that during the Siege of the North that she got her own little battalion to command bc she was seen as worth warrior

-OH and I love how they explored Sokka's character. again, them taking out Sokka's blatant sexism didn't bother me, so i was happy to see that in taking that out they DID work hard to make Sokka's character motivations rich and meaningful. having him have the same complex about being a lacking warrior as the original cartoon but with the added twist of overhearing his dad's harsh words about his abilities really added something to Sokka's insecurities. i loved the inclusion of Sai encouraging Sokka to become an engineer because it was clear how much that meant to him. considering in the cartoon he does become a pretty badass warrior (while still being mainly an Idea Guy) i wonder how this storyline will play out later. if he'll try harder to fit into the warrior box he thinks he belongs in or if he'll blatantly begin to reject that role for himself and identify more heavily with his engineer side

-the cave of two lovers had me worried for a second because Sokka and Katara were paired together for that and im like UMMM so i thought it was pretty funny how they reinterpreted "love is brightest in the dark" in that scene. not as good as the original, obviously, but a funny reinterpretation that i didn't hate

i probably have more to say on the additions but this is getting long so i think it's time to get to some criticisms. this show was not perfect by any means and i have several gripes with it so i might as well get that out now

-WAIT first i must say that a lot of the bending looked phenomenal. particularly Zuko and Aang's bending. both actors (and their stunt doubles) were great martial artists and the fire effects and air effects were done really well. i was really worried about how they'd adapt airbending (since air is invisible) and they did a great job adding in dust cloud effects and making sure the props in the scene moved they like would if they were blasted by air

-AND i must emphasize that i was not mad at them chopping up storylines and mixing them together. the Mechanist/Jet plotlines had similar themes of seemingly Good People doing unethical things for what they believed to be a good cause, so putting them in the same episode made sense to me. and having Sokka and Katara getting spirited away and caught up in that mist (a fun LOK reference that time, i loved the easter eggs) and then captured by Koh was a good way to separate them from Aang the Blue Spirit arc could take place. that also made sense to me. people who get mad about the re-shuffling of episodes frustrate me to no end.

okay, now onto critique:

-unfortunately, Iroh was a giant flop. i don't know how else to say it. i didn't really like any part of him, from his costuming to his writing to his acting. something about him felt like he was plucked out of a campy low-budget stage play and just thrown into this show while only know his campy stage play lines. both Zuko and Zhao give pretty grounded, emotional performances and Iroh is SO jarring by comparison when he's in the same room as them acting like a caricature of himself for no reason. his wig was terrible, i wish they had made it more flowy because it stayed the same shape and position the whole time, he used the WEIRDEST announcer voice the whole time (like why are you using a voice?? no one else is using a voice??), and his robes seemed out of place when everyone else was wearing leather armor. and they had a moment in episode 4 where an Earth Kingdom soldier really laid into him because back when Iroh was a general he was responsible for the death of Earth Kingdom soldier's brother. i was interested to see this bc we BARELY get to see Iroh's Bad Side in the cartoon and i was curious to see where the live action would go with it. but it ended with Earth Kingdom soldier slugging Iroh or slapping his face or something and Iroh made some snoody remark about how war changes people, and he WASN'T talking about himself. like bro this man just told you you COOKED his brother alive he has earned the right to slug you, what are you talking about! i was expecting remorse, or at the very least a solemn look of guilt over the person Iroh once was, but nothing. it was bad. obviously having the iconic Uncle Iroh be so terrible is a huge mark against the show. i simply cannot defend that

-circling back to Iroh's wig. well. the hair and make-up department went out of their way to make important characters look like their cartoon counterparts and that was not always beneficial. why did Yue look like she was from Whoville. who okayed that.

-many people have already pointed it out, but it was weird in ep 1 that Aang's decision to leave was because he needed to clear his head, not because he was running away from his responsibilities. i have no idea why they made this change, unless the reason was to have every single person (including past Avatars) dog on Aang for not being around during the past 100 years. but even that doesn't hit the same bc it truly wasn't his fault! he went for a drive and got caught in a storm! he intended to be back in a few hours! idk that change didn't make sense to me. i know Aang felt guilt regardless but the guilt was supposed to be from the intentionality of Aang running away

-the way Katara broke Aang out of the iceberg was weird?? she wasn't angry at Sokka for his sexism, but she could have been angry at him for SOMETHING that caused her bending to grow out of control. or at the very least when she was bending the canoe towards her she could have done a sharp pulling motion towards her that ended with her arms behind her, therefore forming the cracks in the ice (kind of a callback to how in the pilot Katara could really only waterbend backwards at first). instead her hands were fully facing forward and she was gently bending in front of her and that led to the ice sphere exploding behind her. its been bothering me. whyyy

-character-wise, Katara was pretty one-note. like the addition of her guilt for getting her mom killed with her subpar waterbending, while not bad, didn't make up for how much she DIDN'T have going on. it felt like they toned down a lot of Katara's character strengths AND flaws to give Sokka more room to arc, then shoved all of Katara's development into the last 2 episodes. they didn't show much of her resilient hope in the face of adversity or rage towards injustice or how petty she could be. part of this could be her actor, who i won't dog on because she is a child actor who will get better with time, but i don't think the flimsy writing of her did her any favors

-score wasn't nearly as good as Jeremy Zuckerman/The Track Team's. remixing some of the A:TLA's score doesn't make up for the fact that all the original scoring in this adaptation was flat by comparison

-Bumi's whole thing was....weird. i didn't mind at first that they speedran through his reveal because i don't think there's a point to try and surprise the three people who haven't seen the original. 99% of the audience knew the King was Bumi, so I didn't see any problem with that. but the set-up flashback of Bumi lasted like 10 seconds and basically just showed him snort. it didn't give you a reason to get attached to him as Aang's past friend. and his current actions didn't help at all. the acting was very Michael Meyer's Cat in the Hat-esque. so. uh. SCARY AND OFFPUTTING. was not a fan of that all. and having him do a few random goofy tests for Aang AFTER already knowing his identity felt...weird? like what's the point of these now? and then having the reveal that he's NOT kooky, he genuinely IS pissed at Aang for being gone, well. hmm. it's not a bad idea in theory. i liked the concept of having someone FROM THIS TIMELINE (looking at you, Kyoshi, Roku, and Kuruk, and your unjustified rage toward Aang) be upset at Aang for leaving the world in such a state of imbalance. having Bumi be like DO YOU KNOW ALL THE SHIT I'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH SINCE THE WORLD HAS HAD NO AVATAR, was an interesting line of thought i could have rocked with, butttt.....idk man. it's BUMI. he's supposed to be a living memory of Aang's past to give him comfort and wisdom! it hurt to see this version be so cruel to Aang and basically force him to try to kill him just to prove a point. i would have rather had them write out Bumi altogether and use that episode for something else than to smear his name like that

-i'm tentatively alright with Azula's plotline right now. the Zuko line "Azula was born lucky, I was lucky to be born" is really essential to how their rivalry worked in the cartoon. Azula was a cold-hearted prodigy while Zuko was compassionate boy but average bender. i liked the idea of showing how Ozai intentionally pitted his children against each other. i liked seeing Azula's moment of defiance where she claims she's DONE being tested because she know how good her abilities are. i liked seeing the origin of her lighting bending. all of those were cool fanfiction. the thing that worries me is that we, the audience, have already seen Azula's doubt in herself, something we weren't privy to until the very end of the series. plus showing how hard Azula trains kind of undercuts the fact that Zuko is supposed to think he can't measure up to her because of her natural abilities that he DOESN'T have. they DID plant the seed to Zuko that Azula was the one backing Zhao the whole time, so we do have some of their rivalry primed to go. but the rivalry in the original is extremely one-sided. it will be odd to see Azula fighting just as hard to earn Ozai's affection, because intrinsically she should think that game was won a long time ago. so yeah. i'm not mad about it YET, just interested to see how it plays out

and then there are little nitpicks that could be resolved in season 2, should it get picked up again

-Aang not learning any waterbending or burning Katara with firebending can be woven into the early eps of season 2 before Toph's introduction

-the gaang's chemistry will only grow stronger with time. as the cast becomes better friends, as the kids become better actors with age, and considering they don't separate much in s2, i have faith that will iron itself out naturally

-tbh im sure there are more but this is so long i'm fizzling out. i'm fading. i must stop.

but yeah! good and bad! there's lots to unpack but in general i think it was fun. i'm excited for more.

#netflix avatar #long post #i am. exhausted.#writing this took so long

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