#i’ll probably delete this later. just wanted to say hi lol

[s0ft-karina]

currently ✨

[cutielando]

the last social media au was so cute!! maybe one where george’s gf is a famous romance book author and when they make the relationship public his friends cannot believe posh “arms against the wall 2023 intro package pose” george could be the inspiration for all the smutty scenes his gf is famous for (only if your comfortable of course!)

romance is in her books | g.r.

social media au

my masterlist

Instagram

liked by zendaya, georgerussell63 and 301,584 others

yourusername working on something very special 🌸

view all 50,195 comments

booklover101 YAS BITCHES WE'RE GETTING A NEW BOOK!!!!!

chillypeppers Y/N on her way to releasing yet another banger😮‍💨😮‍💨

zendaya what u cooking bby?😉💞

yourusername something with an extra bit of spice🥵

user1 is nobody else wondering who she's writing the *explicit* scenes about?

user2 lol she most probably has a boyfriend or something

user3 or maybe she's just like any other young woman lmao

lilymhe i'm literally obsessed with the way you write🤤

yourusername thank you baby. i'll let you in on a secret later for this ;)

user4 we all want to be lily right now :((((

landonorris do you ever run out of things to write?

yourusername not really, no

lilyzneimer the book is coming along beautifully ❤️

yourusername thank you honey✨🌸❤️

oscarpiastri did you give her a sneak peek??????????

yourusername ...maybe

oscarpiastri deeply betrayed

georgerussell63 my beautiful girl this comment has been deleted

user5 GEORGE????????

user6 IS GEORGE THE SECRET BOYFRIEND?????

charles_leclerc can't wait to read it

yourusername you’re just like one of the girlies charlie 🌸🌸🌸

user2 the amount of money i spend on her books is so unhealthy but i don’t care. TAKE ALL MY MONEY BABY 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

user3 is it a stand-alone or is the new book going to be part of a series?👀

yourusername i’m planning a new series soon, but my next release is going to be a stand-alone 🌸

user4 i love her, she is the sweetest 🥰🥰

iMessage

george 🩵

i might have just fucked up

y/n ❤️

you're hopeless

george 🩵

do you think people saw the comment?

y/n ❤️

judging by the way my phone has been blowing up, i think they have

george 🩵

i'm sorry, my love

y/n ❤️

it's okay, don't worry. now we can mess with the fans for a bit ;)

Twitter

Instagram

liked by georgerussell63, zendaya and 401,639 others

yourusername “racing hearts” is now yours, my lovelies. this book holds a very dear place in my heart and i hope that it will speak to you like it spoke to me when i first started writing it. thank you to everyone who came to the book signing yesterday, you make my life all that more special ✨❤️🌸💞

view all 98,374 comments

georgerussell63 beautiful book, who were you thinking about when you wrote it?🤔

yourusername you know, just a random Brit

georgerussell63 must be one hell of a guy to get a book of his own

yourusername he really is

zendaya you have outdone yourself once again. reading your books has become a MUST ✨✨✨

yourusername thank you honey 💞💞💞

landonorris you went wild again, didn’t you?

yourusername i might have

landonorris do i even wanna read it?

yourusername honestly? probably not

lilyzneimer it’s even better than what i thought 💞

yourusername i always have a trick or two up my sleeve 😉🌸

charles_leclerc someone should censor you

yourusername where would be the fun in that?

charles_leclerc how does your manager approve of this?

yourmanager i’m one of the girlies 🌸

charles_leclerc that explains it

booklover101 THE WAY I SCREAMED WHILE READING IT HAS ME INSANE

booklover101 YOU DESERVE EVERY AWARD IN THE WHOLE WORLD

chillypepper i have no words. i said it before and i’ll say it again. she is the best author of her generation

user1 never beating the dating allegations now

user2 she literally named her main character RUSSELL, HOW DO PEOPLE STILL THINK HER AND GEORGE AREN’T DATING??????

user3 George is the luckiest man in the world😭😭

user4 he must really rock your world if those scenes are anything like the real thing

yourusername you have no idea 🤭

mercedesamgf1 I couldn't put it down. Amazing work, Y/N!!

yourusername thank you admin 🌸💞💞

liked by yourusername, lilyzneimer and 601,583 others

georgerussell63 Words can't describe how proud I am of you. The way you connect with your readers, the way you give life to every story you write never ceases to amaze me. I'm thankful to be able to watch you do your thing, watch you inspire so many young writers to chase their dreams. I love you 💞 P.S. Yes, I am the inspiration behind the sexy scenes ;) tagged: yourusername

view all 99,281 comments

yourusername your support means everything to me. thank you for always being here for me, helping me through my writer's block and cheering me on. i love you more than you know💞🌸

georgerussell63 i love you more❤️

landonorris i know way too much about your personal life now, mate

georgerussell63 jealous?

landonorris as if

yourusername don't fight boys, what would Russell and Brendan think about you two fighting?

landonorris BRENDAN IS ME?????????

yourusername oops👀

user1 i am in love with their love😮‍💨❤️

user2 going to jump off a cliff, brb

user3 i cannot believe i know stuff about George Russell's sex life👀

user4 George's? HOW ABOUT OUR PRECIOUS LITTLE Y/N'S?

alex_albon simp

georgerussell63 how can i not be? just look at Y/N

yourusername baby🥹💞❤️🌸

alex_albon you two make me sick. i preferred it when you weren't public

georgerussell63 and i preferred it when you shut up

lilymhe we are all in love with Y/N ✨❤️👀

yourusername but you’re the one who has my heart baby 💞💞

georgerussell63 ?????????

yourusername sorry babe 😁💞

mercedesamgf1 Our favorite couple!❤️ liked by yourusername and georgerussell63

comments and re-blogs help us grow!

much appreciated!!

REQUEST HERE

[i-spaced-sorry]

You're a Real Tough Kid, Gotta Make It On Your Own

Hi! So I know the concept of Jay being mad that Will wasn't there for when their mom died has been beaten to death, but I was watching the deleted scene from Season 6 episode Endings and Will says "I know you didn't get the ending you wanted but can't you be here for me" stirs up the thought of Jay wanting to scream where were you for me when mom died. Thus this little one shot was born! I did include a Halstead sister (cause how can I not lol) but I gave her a name for the first time ever! So enjoy :)

Growing up, your favorite show to watch with your siblings was MASH. As a kid, you were attached to the line uttered by Charles Emerson Winchester to Hawkeye. He says “My father was a good man, and he always wanted the best for me. But, where I have a father, you have a dad.” You could never actually pinpoint why that was your favorite line, that was until your dad passed away in a fire and you were sitting making funeral arrangements with your brothers.

Will was currently trying to call every person who knew dad in some way, I was in the process of trying to find any leftover fry on my tray so I didn’t have to take witness to this sad attempt at funeral arrangements, and Jay was just going along with everything while trying to process that he was really gone.

Then I heard Jay’s phone go off. I watched as he took the call and was interested to know what he was being told based on his facial expressions. Once he hung up, I stared at him while Will went on about some funeral home he needed to call. Quite honestly, the guy didn’t really deserve this much attention to detail, but this is Will we are talking about, he missed mom’s funeral, and missed the arrangements for that one, so I can see why he is doubling down on trying to get this one right. 

“Where are you going? I asked Jay, when I saw him get up. 

“Work” was all he replied.  Will looked annoyed, so I sat back and watched the events unfold like I knew they would. 

“You can’t stay 20 minutes? I think work will understand. It’s dad.” cried out Will. 

“Will, he’ll probably come back” I interrupted. I was hoping that much was at least true. 

“Stay out of this, Julie” bit out Will. I just rolled my eyes, of course they want me to stay out of it, they always want me to stay out of it.

“Yea, I’ll be back” stated Jay, reaffirming my comment.

“I know you didn’t get the ending you wanted, but I need you right now” exclaimed Will. 

My mouth dropped, he did not just say that to Jay after what he went through. 

Stunned, Jay stutters out, “look, they ruled the fire an arson. I’m trying to be the bigger person here and not say something I’ll regret, so I’m going to work”

As he walked away, Will called out, “This conversation isn’t over!”

Shaking his head, he looks back at me and mutters, “figures he would try to get out of this.”

I stand up abruptly and huff out, “you know what, no, Jay is right in this. Why are we even trying to make his funeral so great? He wasn’t the greatest guy. I too need to get to work” and before Will could lay into me, I walked off. 

Later that evening, we were surrounded by Jay in his hospital room. He once again got shot on the job. 

“Jay, I’m glad you're okay, but can we finish the conversation from earlier now?” asked Will from his seat. 

“Dude, our brother was just shot and you want to finish some petty argument about dad? What the hell is wrong with you?” I snapped in defense of Jay. I knew somewhat of what Jay probably was going to say to Will, if Will forced it out of him. It was something that struck a chord in Jay a lot. So I was trying to save Will from the repetitiveness. 

“No, no, I want to hear it.” pushed Will. 

Throwing his head back, Jay groaned, “Dude, if this was mom, sure, then I’d be over the moon to sit on a patio at some diner making all the funeral plans, cause it’s what she deserved. Hell, Julie and I did do that back when she died. We both took off work and tried to loop you in, but you were away at school and were too busy with clinicals or exams or whatever it was that you had to do, so you couldn’t get away. But dad, was just dad, he wasn’t that great of a guy, he and I just didn’t click, like you know and I just think he was a very simple guy who probably would be fine with just a quick hole in the ground funeral service, no funeral home wake or open casket viewing needed.” 

Will looked like he was about to cry. He didn’t have that special relationship his brother or sister had with their mom. He was always somehow closer to their dad. And to know how he felt at the patio this afternoon was something his siblings felt when their mom passed made him sad to know he abandoned them when they needed him. 

“Can I just add something?” I piped up. 

Both my brothers looked at me, letting me know I had the floor. 

“We all grew up watching reruns of MASH on the TV together. I always felt a deep personal connection to the line uttered by Charles in the last season with Hawkeye, where he tells Hawkeye that he has a father while Hawkeye has a dad. I never understood how to explain why, but I think I finally get it knowing that Will had a completely different experience growing up with dad than Jay and I. "

[showtoonzfan]

Accidentally deleted an ask regarding the scene with Blitz coming onto Stolas in “The Circus”, since I wasn’t finished typing and I accidentally posted it. Ugh, I apologize to that person, Tumblr needs to stop deleting the ask ALTOGETHER if you delete a post with an ask in it. Anyway, they made a good point with how uncomfortable it was and how Viv wants to portray Stolitz as hot and quirky, meanwhile Val and Angel are 100% bad. That I agree with, it’s very hypocritical of Viv to take certain themes like sexual assault seriously in HH, only to downplay it completely different in HB. Since the ask got deleted, I’ll just say my thoughts here on the Stolas and Blitz scene. So….at first yes, I was one of those people who went “Stolas is clearly drunk and not in his right mind”- when this scene came on, however I will admit that I now don’t necessarily think it’s 100% safe to say that Stolas was drunk. Sure, we see him gargle down a strong alcoholic drink, but between the time stamp there and the time he took Blitz into his room, I don’t think that’s enough time for the alcohol to fully kick in. I think it’s same to say that he was drunk either midway his and Blitz’s fuck session, or afterwards. However, wether drunk or not, Blitz was clearly in the wrong for that scene, he clearly wanted to take advantage of the situation he was in, and lured Stolas in to get to his book. It obviously wasn’t a smart decision since Stolas WOULD be drunk soon and already had strong alcohol in his system, so it only made the scene more ewey.

However, a problem I personally had with this scene altogether is that even though Blitz is the one who came onto Stolas, I still found it so weird that Stolas started the conversation with “You came here to ravish me didn’t you?” Not just that, but the fan servicey lovey dovey sparkles when he first saw Blitz.

It just never made any sense to me, because when did these feelings kick off for Stolas? When did he find a sexual attraction to Blitz? Where did these feelings even STEM from? These two (at the time) have not seen in eachother in 25 years, the last time being when they were CHILDREN. Then….Stolas reunites with him, and all of a sudden is just….completely in love and lustful towards Blitz. You may go “Oh well Stolas was clearly blushing around Blitz when he met him as a child so that’s probably where the feelings came from”- but not only does that not make any sense since Stolas never SAW Blitz after that or even made the effort to contact him if he really had a strong feeling, but I don’t even SEE Stolas’s blushy scenes as him being in love. One…he’s a small child, it felt more like puppy love, and two, he clearly expresses later in the episode how happy he was that Blitz was his first friend, so that’s how I see it, he was just happy to have a friend, NOT in love. The only reason he was blushing was for fan service honestly, regardless if it made sense or not. Moving that aside, Stolas states later that he was only “teasing” about the ravishing part, but honestly…..who JOKES about that?? Who reunites with a friend they used to know years ago, and just randomly is all like “Lol, wanna fuck? Jk I’m just kidding!”. I’m nitpicking and y’all can disagree with me, but that’s personally how I feel. Then Stolas goes from that to someone who doesn’t want it, when he was acting all nervous when Blitz came onto him, and that ALSO makes no sense to me, especially when you take into consideration that Viv is clearly trying to show that Stolas feels something for Blitz, judging by the pink outline and harp music when they meet in the screenshot above. So does he love him, or does he not Viv? It also doesn’t help that the scene overall is all over the place, just like HezuNeutral had said in her critique video, the dialogue flips back and fourth, with Stolas saying he has a good memory, only for him to reveal that he doesn’t remember Blitz’s name, only to THEN show that he remembers Blitz’s name having an “O” at the end. Like…if you’re tying to show us that they barley know one another or aren’t connected anymore, why have Stolas flirt? Why have the romantic music?

But yeah, the worst of all of this is the near sex scene, where Blitz bites Stolas and that…all of a sudden attracts some strong sexual feelings, because again, where did this come from? But most importantly, Stolas admitting that he’s happy, getting off to the fact that they used to be friends, so he’s giddy someone wants him this way. Blitz then feels bad, and screws him out of pity, and the writers want us to see that Blitz is clearly taking advantage of STOLAS and his feelings. And…he is but…dear god it was such a horrible writing choice. The writers clearly did this so they can alter Stolas and Blitz’s relationship, where instead of Stolas being the one in power who wanted someone to fulfill his fantasies due to his failing unsatisfactory marriage, he’s now this “HELPLESS Uwu sad bean who fell in love with Blitz but baddy Blitz never LOVED HIM AND MADE HIM THINK HE DID!”>>😫😭

And it’s all a load of bullshit, trying to make BLITZ be the one in the wrong when Stolas was the one who constantly treated him like a sex slave in the first place, and yes I get that Blitz is also a bad person who’s using Stolas as well, but for the writers to portray Blitz as the one who broke Stolas’s poor uwu heart and instead paint HIM as the victim, pisses me off. The writers cannot call Stolas out PROPERLY for the love of all things holy, and I hate how they’ll continue to excuse his actions and suck him off, portraying him as a helpless lonely bean even though in truth he’s just a selfish horny pervert who can’t take a hint that someone doesn’t like him. Everyone keeps pulling the “He doesn’t know how to love” card, so if he truly doesn’t, would you mind calling him out on that? Because just because someone doesn’t know how love works, that doesn’t excuse anything, or the way they treat someone. It’s also funny how the writers insist that Stolas gained these romantic feelings for Blitz first, when in actuality when never SEE any of that. Again, when did the feelings kick off? Off fucking screen?? I can’t with this show’s horrible storytelling, this ship just keeps going further down the drain as every episode passes and nothing the writers can say or even show me can convince me that these two should be together, wether they paint it in a completely different light or not. “The Circus” definitely retconned the ship, and “Seeing Stars” just….erased everything I guess, though I bet Viv will go back to her forced emotional more serious scenes in the next episode. Fact is, I’m just done with this ship lol, it’s toxic, it has no buildup, it’s gross, and it’s horribly written. The fans can call me homophobic and throw a baby fit on twitter for all I care, the writing for this show is ass.

[honeymochibubbletea]

Heya again! Surprise! Another post on the same day?! Whaaat? :O

This one is more of an “experiment” if i say so myself: i wanted to do a “dating headcanons”! But with Charlie and Phantasmo! (And if somehow Fluff or Jencil feels uncomfortable with this specific post, just DM me and i’ll delete it)

And with that, let’s begin! ;D

(Image above was drawn by Fluff, Phantasmo belongs to Fluffpillow)

☆~Dating Phantasmo~☆:

Uhhh… Are you alright? Do you care about your life and wellbeing…?

Well, you would probably met for the first time when he kidnapped you to turn into an experiment, but since you were so “annoying” by his standards, like asking him way too many questions or how handsome and beautiful he was or how much you would like to have a date with him. He would eventually let you go, of course, that was all an act to try to scape his clutches… but… it probably worked a little TOO well: when not even 1 second you were out of his lab, he pulled a lever and brought you back without any problem back into his lair. He was more intrigued than anything by you: he wanted to know why and who on their right mind would want to date him. He was… invested in you, and being also a very, VERY curious “person” himself, he wanted to know everything about you. But don’t get him wrong, he wants to know everything about you only to “break” you more deeply and better~ (yes, don’t act all surprised, the beginning of this “relationship” wouldn’t be a sea of roses)

And if you’re actually a fan of him and was not pretending? At first he would not believe you: I mean, who would want to be a fan of a villain? But eventually he “warms up” (translating to: his ego spoke more louder) to the idea of having someone who would do everything he asks of them and would worship him.

He would 100% take advantage of you in all ways possible, especially if you are a naive person. He would exploit your kindness and love for him. Yeah, at first you would say it would be a very, very toxic relationship because of how one-sided it would be. (Not to mention he’s a psychopath)

But eventually, slowly but eventually: he would… still not completely warm up to you but also not completely pretend to love you anymore: he would always feel… “weird”? “funny”? Inside whenever he was around you… no matter how much he was mean or rude to you, no matter how much he was fake with you… you always had a spare smile: just for him…

He would definitely hate physical touch at first… but when eventually he finally starts really loving you? I hope you like clingy people, because ohoho boy: he WILL be clingy as hell with you.

Your nickname you gave him was: big marshmallow (afhghfghfghfbhbh)

Just like Charlie, Phantasmo is also very easily flustered when you give him genuine compliments, caress his face gently, kiss sweetly his cheeks, play with his goatee or his ghost tail or simply call him big marshmallow ahahahaha!

He will always, and i mean ALWAYS want to have control over the relationship: he sees love as a competition, as a tool for power… so don’t expect him going all soft and trusting of you anytime soon.

His love language would be at first: words of affirmation and receiving gifts. Later when he finally falls in love with you: physical touch, words of affirmation and acts of service! :D

The biggest reason he was so in denial and apprehensive of falling in love with you was because he already had someone before… even if he doesn’t remember…

Every time he has a stressful day, was beaten up by Charlie or is having a panic attack, he immediately calls out for you to aid him 🥺 (i imagine him gently scratching your arms and/or biting into your neck to calm down)

I honestly don’t know if he’s British or French… uhhh… i dunno, maybe he would call you his “Cheri” or his… tea bag? His “little biscuit”? I don’t know, I’m neither British nor French lol

He loves kissing your arms and your neck, and no, i am not going to take criticism on that one, i rest my case.

Public affection? No, thank you: after all, it’s nothing personal, it’s just he has an image to maintain.

(Image above was drawn by Fluff, Charlie belongs to Jencilthepencil)

☆~Dating Charlie~☆:

She’s a very chill person most of the time, so she would never force you to do anything if you don’t want to… buuuuuuut… she may use her charm and persistent nature sometimes to convince you to do something with her, like, maybe go fishing or exercise with her. Because, let’s be honest: she may not say that much but… she loves your company. She just can’t do these activities alone anymore when she has you by her side. :3

When you two met for the first time, it was in the middle of a fight against Phantasmo: he was ready to shoot you with his gun when she got on the way and protected you from him. After she beaten him up, you decided to make the first move and ask for her number: of course, at first she laughed respectfully and said you were a little too forward but gave you her number.

Obviously it took some time for you two to know each other better and, eventually, fall in love: it took a lot of messages, letters and talking for that to happen.

At first she was honestly surprised at herself failing in love with someone, and even worrying about you because… well, now she has a weakness, one that Phantasmo could very well take advantage of. But after Carter and Squirt motivated her to go for it, she shyly (but tried to play of as “cool”) asked you on a date! :D

Her favorite things to do with you are: exercising together, fishing and taking a nap together.

I dunno about y’all but… she would definitely love to show off her strength and muscles to you. (Hahaha)

She kind of became a little too protective of you because of Phantasmo, she just loves you so, so much… she really wouldn’t know what to do if… Phantasmo took you away from her…

And speaking of which: eventually that happens, what she feared most became reality: Phantasmo had you on his arms, you had tape over your mouth and were tightly bound, you were crying and desperately trying to cry out Charlie’s name… and the mad scientist mocking you and your lover:

Phantasmo: ohohoho~ look who came to save you, y/n~ your precious hero, Charlie~

Charlie: Let them go you bastard!

Phantasmo: oh my, oh my~ why the rush~? Do you really not care about their… SAFETY~?

And with that, Phantasmo pressed his scalpel closer towards your neck and Charlie shouted at him to stop: that she would do anything to make him let you go… and that is going to continue in a future fanfic that i am writing muahahahaha! >:)

You two wouldn’t fight so much: even if Charlie is a strong head sometimes, she can be very mature when she needs to. You two would only fight because of her overprotectiveness of you.

She’s easily flustered when you can rizz her up or call her cute names like: teddy bear or strong otter. (By the way, when Phantasmo takes knowledge of this, he definitely starts calling her your cute names you gave to her only to annoy her… and having his ass beaten by her in the process hahaha!)

She also loves when SHE can make you feel all funny inside: she teases you by calling you her cute little crab~ ;)

I have the light impression that Charlie would like kisses either on her forehead or her cheeks, there’s no in between. And no, i don’t take criticism, i rest my case.

Also you two would love tickling each other as a form of affection! :D

If i had to guess Charlie’s love language, i guess it would be: quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch!

And that’s it! If you guys liked my silly headcanons, you can send me through my inbox your asks if you would like to see more of these stuff! ;3 (and also some ideas for reader x Phantasmo/ reader x Charlie!)

[tempenensis]

Hi Lele ! Hope you’re doing good <3 and yeah shippers didn’t get the fact that he have a big platform and mistranslating things ( not the first time ) just to satisfy a ship is kinda harmful when the op didn’t said that, in that context.

Yes he has a second account but he still has a huge number of followers and he continues to mistranslate what a staff or even the mengaka says just for his ship and to please people who love this ship. They don't realize that it changes a context of a lot of things just because it's poorly translated.

and i talked to s-san he had to deleted his tweet bc those fans where attacking him just bc he said that it’s dangerous when you mistranslate things for a ship. which is right.

And the thing that is mind blowing is when for example, if someone says satoru and suguru are besties, they directly say that you are h^mophobic! And says if it were a ship with a female they would never say that! But I remember in SNK half of the fanbase in 2021 was against the relationship of mikasa and eren while isayama-sensei gave more details in the manga about their relationships than gojo and geto. hell even historia and ymir which is f/f were more accepted bc they had more details that they love each other in a romantic way than gojo and geto. for me, who experienced the same with my best friend in the sense that she was my first friend and 15 years later we lost sight of each other bc of an argument. These fans needs to know that there are friendly soulmates and tbh it's a thousand times better than romantics one lol. and if like i want to tweet about it i’m like hell no I don't want to be harassed or insulted.

For me Akutami sensei managed to make their friendship magnificent and I think many recognized themselves in their, myself include.

The worst thing is that these same fans tell you that you don't read the manga or translations ???????? I don't know if Akutami sensei gave them another manga to read but in each panels he wrote best friends clearly ! And when you ask them out of curiosity to show you the translations ? well, it's downright taken out of context and even false and when you tell them that, they insult you too.

i love jjk, love the relation between gojo and geto but i really really hope the manga end this year bc the amount of toxicity is mind blowing.

that’s why i think anon said about changing the whole plot of their relation bc tbh with you i’ll not be chocked if gege change it to satisfy this ship. i really hope japanese fans are not toxic like this. and gege will not change it.

and i’m so sorry if it was long :/ i really hope your have a wonderful day <3

Hshs, hello, anon!

To be honest, that is the same wish I have; for the manga to end quickly. I hope gege stuck in his way and end the manga sooner than later. I'd hate if he drags the story more and more. The longer the story goes, the more my braincells go from all the drama :")

Honestly I really don't have any problem with Gojou and Getou's relationship, as I said before in this ask. I honestly appreciate how gege draws their canonical relationship but precisely because of that, I can't see them as a ship. However, just like you, my vexation over this particular ship comes from the shippers. I know in any fandom there'll be that some ships where the fans are very loud, but at least I hope akutami-sensei doesn't see this... mess. I will be so embarrassed as a fellow fan if he has to see this uncivilized behavior over a ship.

Although the japanese fandom does have their share of toxicity, I can say that it's very rare for ship fans to attack others. Shame them, probably, lol, if they tag things wrongly. But at least I can find solace from the sideline, unlike the other fandom which cause me headache from just watching them.

[bibiten]

[doujinshi] MOONLIT DRIVE

title: MOONLIT DRIVE circle(s): nizizoku artist(s): michi (pixiv) english release: 11/2022

read at: e-hen / nhen / MRM

the liner notes well... it might be better to read the doujinshi and then come back to these liner notes lol.

this should have been done relatively fast, but October ended up being quite a month for me. i stopped studying (my one solid daily habit for the past 1.5 years), started sleeping at least 12 hours a day and started feeling very... empty. then i sensed the reason: my grandfather, whose health had been steadily declining over the months, was about to leave me... so working on a story involving death was... awkward to say the least, and took much longer than i anticipated. after i posted the teaser on twitter i thought, the next full moon is 11/8, should i just wait until then to upload?

a few hours later, i got news of his passing. so... naturally i wanted time and space, so that became the plan anyway.

i love michi’s style, i love iwashu, if you love this too, i’ll be glad. but i’ll probably have some weird feelings about this particular doujin for the foreseeable future. lol

as for the promo, i knew i wanted a photo of a moonlit road, but once i started working on it i felt somewhat blanked out (can you blame me?) i got the ink ring idea from the book cover, but just as i was about to delete it for looking out-of-place, i decided to tweak the transparency and position so it aligns iwai’s and ren’s pupils.

when i submitted PJ Soushuuhen to MRM, i made an 1100px version since having to resize and compress 160 pages seemed like a pain in the ass. MRM resized it to 1000. this time i sent an 1100px version again and they resized it to 950px. i know MRM is the popular choice for the BL fans, but if you want a better res, go literally anywhere else. is this policy or am i being dunked on? （ー△ー；）

once they’re dead, they’re just gonna rot... only thing left is the feelings of the living... indeed.

[againstme]

going off of my last post, being given a copy of the screenplay of hir by taylor mac just resonated with me. it just right now made me remember being a young middle schooler going to the public library, and picking up YA books, as one does in the 2010’s, but also finding queer books and sneaking them into my stack of books so my mom wouldn’t notice.

these books were I Am J by cris(spelling?) beam, and freakboy by kristin elizabeth clark. both books talked about transness, the first one focusing on the story of a trans man, who was an artist, that also had history of self harm, being rejected by his family for being trans, and running away for a bit to find himself, only to later have his family accept him. if you know anything about me, you can see why i would resonate with that as a young queer kid, lol.

the second one was also focused on transness, with the main plot being split into the perspective of three characters: an out trans woman, a closeted trans/nonbinary?/genderqueer? (potential) trans woman, idk it’s been so long since I’ve read it, and the closeted person’s partner, which i didn’t really care to read about honestly.

a thing that i really liked about freakboy is that some if not a majority of the book is in prose. which i really enjoyed, as a lover of poetry, especially queer poetry, at the time. cue me watching button poetry videos about queer identity, still sneaking and watching it when my mom wasn’t around. and writing my own poetry, lost in composition books i’ll never be able to find again, or on websites that are now shut down.

it just made me think. i’ve know i was trans since i was in the 5th grade, in 2011. (yeah yeah think about how ancient you are or whatever lol) once i had the language for transness, i immediately connected with it. immediately was watching “androgynous makeup” or “boy to girl transformation” or vice versa videos on youtube, in secret, deleting my browser history.

always having the instinct to hide it, to delete it, to not let anybody know. to be in and out of the closet, never fully feeling free to be myself. out to some people, closeted to most for my safety was how i spent most of my adolescence until i was kicked out at 18 for being trans, that being seen as me being “defiant” and a “problem child”, “disrespectful” to my mother, straining our already very strained relationship, filled with fighting and arguments, being punished for wearing my brother’s clothes, wanting to cut my hair, trying to bind my chest while wearing 3 sports bras at a time. but always feeling the urge to hide it. for my safety, and because i knew that people were ashamed. that it was a shameful thing in general, and especially to my mom. what would her peers think about her having a trans child, she would say. what about my reputation, she would say. do you know how this could affect me?

but i could never change it. i could never just Stop being trans. it was engrained into me for as long as i could remember. no matter how many dresses or braids or makeup that i was put into by my family, and expected to smile and look like a beautiful girl, being expected to grow into a beautiful woman, marrying a man as a woman, having kids.. i never resonated. i would think at night about it and always come to the conclusion that i would never be happy like that. and still, i had to hide it. i knew for so long, deep down, that that wasn’t the life that i wanted, that i was going to live. because, i knew, that either i would transition or i would die.

the point of this long winded post that people probably aren’t going to read anyways is that even the smallest bits of representation stick with you. a book i only feel comfortable reading at the library while my mom isn’t there, too afraid to check it out. meeting a trans guy for the first time when i was in the 8th grade, and everything clicking. watching the true trans documentary by laura jane grace and seeing trans people alive, despite everything they went through. seeing trans joy. trans love. trans acceptance. it gave me, closeted me, wearing dresses and braids and beads and my hair in puffs as a little girl me, some sense of hope. that i wasn’t going to die. that i had a choice, no matter how long it would take me to get there. pushing through all of it. all of the fights, all of the abuse, all of the trauma, lack of support, trying to come out to friend’s parents that i thought i could trust and then them outing me to my mom, being outed by teachers, going to the gsa and being pulled out of school as a whole as a result, taking off my makeup and stuffing my pride flags into my backpack after coming back on the train from tokyo pride, having my mom tell me to leave because she wouldn’t go against what God says, being alone for my first thanksgiving without my family, not having a mother for a while, all of it. it was hell. it wasn’t easy at all, and i never expected it to be. i never expected that i would’ve lived to tell the story. i thought i was going to die at 16. hell, i tried. many times. to be yet another trans teen suicide, misgendered and deadnamed by my family at my funeral, the wrong name being put on my gravestone. i was ready to accept my fate.

but i made it. every little bit of representation i could find, through books, poetry, tv shows, documentaries, all consumed in secret, made me stronger. gave me hope. gave me the resilience to keep going because i wanted to, needed to, reach my goal. reach the ability to be happy, at home in myself in a body that felt so distant from myself for as long as i could remember. i made it.

[sensei-venus]

I’ll probably delete this later because this is pure rant, I’m just pissed. Lol.

I completely fine with people having a opinion and dislike for characters, because everyone is free to have them, but my pet peeve about people with cobra kai are when people say they don’t like Robby followed by “Miguel-“ or “Johnny & Carmen-“ please for the love of everything, Robby is a child who was abandoned by his father and left to live with a addict mom who literally forgot about him constantly and basically treated him like a pet for all his life.

Johnny was a alcoholic, Johnny basically acted like he was a job, like he was a shitty responsibility he had to take care of every time Robby got in trouble.

Robby is a person, Robby is a child, Robby wanted someone to love him and take care of him because for 16-18 years of his life he was basically taking care of himself and his drunk,drug addicted, sex addicted mom when she is around.

And I’m sorry, but Robby did face child abuse. It’s been showed multiple times that Shannon forgot about him to the point she didn’t pay bills to keep him alive. I’m literally scared to think about how younger, 10-15 year old Robby was able to survive because this shit has been going on for a while. How did he eat? How did survive as a child being left alone, with no water or electricity? How many times did little Robby have to hide because his mom was gone and a landlord was banging on the door because Shannon didn’t pay rent??? What happened when he got sick??

“Oh but Carmen has a sad back story and Miguel didn’t have a dad so Johnny-“

Ok and?

(I by no means saying that Johnny can’t be with the Diaz family.)

Miguel didn’t have a dad, Carmen didn’t have a husband/boyfriend. But they had each other and Carmen’s mom. They where tight, they went though it together. They could talk to one another and feel support.

Robby got a mom who got drunk and high and brought home random guys and a dad who only rolled his eyes and told him ds oh no everytime he did something wrong.

I hate the fact that as of late the writers keep making it like “Oh Robby and Miguel are ok now, Johnny and Robby made up, now Robby and fuck off while Johnny,Carmen,Baby and Miguel and go live a happy little family life and everything is forgiven.”

Robby isn’t going to run into the sunset because of this whole Johnny and the Diaz family stuff.

Please get out of the toxic mindset that Robby is bad because he’s a fucked up teen who was forced to grow up to fast and doesn’t understand feeling or life. As someone who grew up very similar to Robby and has been around people who have also grown up in that environment, Robby could be a shit ton worse, like alot.

He is a fucked up lil buddy, but that’s why we like him.

(We stan Miguel & Robby, they both have issues and are valid. Kiss kiss.)

[totallyexhausted]

Random Sick Hirano (with his parents) Notes for my FF for Back-up

Just small notes on one of the ff’s in case my computer deletes the files again (so I have like a triple backup)...

(Just random-ass notes for right now to have a back-up back-up for myself) - feel free to comment or motivate me lol jk brb crying.... 

Title: 

Sick/ dinner, bath, arguing, AE, mom, dad/ eating, sick, day off, calls Kagi… Dad EMT, mother stay at home.

 Flashback, fight, feelings

Everything alright here, Kagiura?

Pft. This your boyfriend?

What? No, he’s-

It doesn’t matter who I am. Kagi? You good?

Y-yes. It’s fine, right, Tashaki?

He punches Kagi, Hirano tackles him.

 FH:

Sore muscles?

 Shit, how was he supposed to go back to normal after that?

 6a.m.

The phone rang several times before the younger boy picked up, and Hirano smiled as his voice filled his ear, thick from sleep, still fighting to stay awake.

“I’m not sure if you remember but its Saturday, and we’re on break, which means I don’t have practice…”

“Well, I want to make sure you aren’t forgetting the routine. Have to keep you on your toes, after all.”

The lines quiet for a few minutes, and Hirano wonders if Kagiura fell back asleep. He’s about to say something when rustling fills the other end of the line, and the younger boy whispers, “Hirano… what’s wrong? Your voice… are you not feeling well?”

He sounds more awake now.

Hirano winces as Kagiura’s words meet his ears. Of course the younger boy knew him well enough to know when something was off. He hadn’t known there was something wrong with his voice but given he hadn’t talked much over the past few days, he’d imagined it sounded rough, hoarse, weak.

“No, I’m fine,” Hirano says, “Sorry, I was sick, but I’m better.”

There’s a quiet pause again.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been sick since… Wednesday? My parents took me to A&E the other night. But I’m better now. I feel better now. I promise.”

Hirano isn’t exactly sure why he promised… it just felt right. Kaguira sighs, “You were at A&E? Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? You should have- I would’ve- well, I don’t know what I would have done, but it would have been something! You’re supposed to tell me when you’re sick, Hirano!”

“You’re really dense sometimes.”

“Well, you’re an idiot sometimes, so…”

“Great. The blockhead and the idiot.”

Hirano laughed, “Yeah, has a nice ring to it.”

 Part of him feels guilty. He’d be giving the younger the same lecture if it was the other way around.

 “I’ll probably fall asleep.”

“That’s okay. Could we… just talk until then?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Hirano can hear the smile in Kagiura’s voice.

  Blunt.

 “Is that why you didn’t tell us you didn’t feel well, son?”

“We spend so little time together now…”

“We’d rather know you’re okay and healthy than fret over some cancelled plans… idiot.”

Hirano glances up, a small smirk crossing his face as his father’s eyes meet his, the playful smirk setting on old features.

“I’ve been told I’m dense sometimes.”

“Well, that’s an understatement. Whoever said that must know you pretty well, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess… he does.”

His father’s quiet for a few minutes, “You’re lucky to have him, then… so don’t mess it up, Taiga.”

If he was being honest, he felt okay on the train; but the day progressed he just started feeling worse… He blamed Kagiura. He’d taken a stupid sip from his water bottle when the younger had offered. A day later, the stupid kid had gotten the stomach flu and basically spent the day in the bathroom trying to isolate himself from Hirano until the older dragged him out, demanding he sleep on a bed versus the floor… they’d gotten into an argument which ended with Hirano getting puked on and Kagi breaking down. But Kagi was always getting sick, so Hirano hadn’t really thought too much about it. Besides he always felt like shit after exams or was getting sick after them, too much stress and pressure, eating away at an exhausted mind…

 Her fingers running through Hirano’s blonde locks, brushing his bangs away from his blue eyes before tucking a few strands behind his ear. Truthfully, she hated the blonde hair and the earrings, but neither her nor her husband were going to stand in the way of Hirano expressing himself. Especially since he’d had such a hard time fitting in in middle school. It was heartbreaking to know he wasn’t the same kid they’d raised. He wasn’t open with others the way he used to be. Middle school hadn’t been kind to him… hadn’t been kind to a sweet boy. Because of that, Hirano learned to lock himself away, learned to keep his feelings inside, his thoughts, himself… until he broke, until he yelled or screamed or cried or fought… until he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

 “These are new,” his mother said gently, ghosting her finger over the blue earrings. A gift from Kagi.

“He sounds sweet.”

 “He’s getting too old for you to carry.” His father just grunted in response.

 “Are you sure you feel okay, sweetheart?”

“Hm. Yeah, sorry… just tired,”

“Taiga.”

There’s firm hand pressed against his forehead, and Hirano feels the chopsticks fall from his fingers as his hand slips…

 Whatever happened next was a giant blur. Nauseating and hot..

“You need to take the meds, son.” It’s not a suggestion. It’s an order. A command.

“Sorry, sweetheart, I’ll give you more water in a few minutes. We just really need you to keep this down.” There’s a tone of desperation in her voice that Hirano doesn’t like…

 Bits of conversation flying around him that meant nothing to him.

“If his temperature doesn’t start to drop in an hour, we’ll need to take him to the hospital.”

“I know… hopefully he can keep these meds down. I mean, it’s been over 12 hours, what else could his stomach have left to purge?”

“You should get some rest. I’ll take his temperature in 30 minutes and let you know if it’s moved. Besides if he gets sick again or if we need to take him to the hospital, I can carry his weight. Kid’s not as tall as me yet.”

 Fevered delirium he thinks of Kagiura.

 “Where did you go?”

“Go? I haven’t gone anywhere, sweetheart, I’m right here,”

“No. I mean, you said, since we’ve been back.”

“Oh,” his mother laughed softly, and Hirano closed his eyes briefly. He’d forgotten how much he’d missed her laugh…

“You don’t remember?”

 Cool fingers run through his hair, pushing blonde bangs away from his face before caressing his cheek, a thumb running along his cheekbone gently, and Hirano groans softly before opening his eyes.

“Sorry, honey, I needed to wake you so you could take some more meds,”

 Door creaks open, a hand pressed against the side of his neck, then his cheek--- Hirano instinctively reaches his hand out, grasping a wrist before opening his eyes. Kagi?

“Sorry, son. I didn’t mean to wake you. I just came to check on you- you’ve been asleep for over 10 hours now.”

 “How about we get some food in you? Then maybe a nice shower so you can wash everything away? You can finish off the remaining meds, then go back to sleep. Sound okay?”

Hirano knew it wasn’t a command. He could refuse if he wanted, and his father wouldn’t argue with him, he wouldn’t chastise him, he wouldn’t push him… but walking, stretching his legs after laying around for so long sounded nice…  

 Hirano felt his face blush. His parents were always like this. They weren’t overbearing or suffocating… just kind and gentle and nice. They were always open with him, trusting him, not afraid to show their emotions or wear their heart on their sleeve… but they were a little older than most parents, and more passionate. They weren’t afraid to express themselves, express their emotions, something Hirano had tried and got bullied for in middle school.

He hadn’t found a balance and because of it was the constant target of fights and taunts in grade school. He remembers crying, yelling, screaming at his parents while they just sat there, letting him lash out, letting him take his anger out on them because it was their fault he was a pushover… at least that’s what he thought. What he told them. It was their fault he was getting bullied… they weren’t mad. Not then.

Eventually, Hirano learned to hide himself through a tough exterior. People tended to stay away from you if you looked like trouble… and the fact that he’d been in more fights than anyone in his class helped. He didn’t like fighting, and he’d tried to avoid it, but he learned to stand his ground, he learned how to take a punch… and how to give one.

By the time he reached high school, everything became easier. He’d dyed his hair, got piercings, managed to perfect a cold-hearted stare, and deflect a conversation, or at the very least, shut down a conversation he didn’t want to have. Middle school had taken him, a sweet boy who wore his heart on his sleeve and tormented him until he crafted a suit of armor others refused to mess with. He learned to close himself off; opening up to only those he trusted… but that circle was small. Really damn small.

 It wasn’t like Hirano could do no wrong in their eyes because God knows he’d fucked up more than he could count. Most of the time he was lectured; they talked about his actions, what he could have done differently, what he did and why he did it, and why he was being punished, then he’d accept his fate. But despite all the times he’d been grounded, or the time last year when he’d been brought home by the police for doing something stupid with Sasaki, Hirano had only been yelled at twice in his short existence. Once by his mother, the other, his father… both for fighting.

 Even when his father went through a depressive episode, Hirano tried returning the favor. He’d sit with him, sometimes talking, sometimes in quiet, his legs sprawled out in front of him as he leaned his back against the wooden headboard or sitting on the floor next to the couch, listening to the sound of his father breathing. He knew there wasn’t much he could do; that he could fix… when his father was having a low period… but he wanted him to know that if he needed Hirano, he was there. That although he might have felt alone, he wasn’t… or at the very least, he didn’t have to go through this alone.

           He’d become aware at a young age that his father dealt with depression. He was quieter sometimes, reserved, distant; his mother wasn’t. She was loud and brash, and she loved hugs… She’d explained to Hirano when he was 6 that sometimes, “Papa was just sad and there wasn’t much they could do to cheer him up.”

           It wasn’t until he reached middle school that Hirano understood what that sadness was. How it affected you. How it hurt you. He’d started sitting with his father just so he wasn’t alone. Most of the time, Hirano felt completely useless, and he fucking hated that. He hated feeling useless. Watching someone he cared about sick or hurt, and not being able to help…

 “You’re alright, son. It’s okay. Just get it up… your mother and I- we’ll clean you up. Don’t worry. You’re alright, son.”

 “I felt better.”

“You might have felt better,” his father chuckles softly, his grip still firm against Hirano’s shoulder, “Hell, you might feel better… but you’re still sick, son. Your body is still recovering. You haven’t eaten in a while, so your stomach isn’t used to the food…”

“I don’t want to,” Hirano shudders, swallowing again as he lurches, “I- I can keep- it down.”

 Hand on stomach.

 “Next time, we’ll try something different than rice porridge, okay?”

“Here, sweetheart, I made ginger tea. It’ll help settle your stomach.”

Hirano was mad at him and that was okay...

[hartxstarr]

hey so I am BONKERS late but. I just wanted to say I love your writing excerpts that you put up!! Fracas au does some kinda thing to my brain and I always love seeing more of it, and even (especially!) with the tiny other snippets I love seeing your takes on the characters in general. I know from experience it can be hard to like old writing, but like. It was really good and you should be proud of it!! Anyway I probably could have worded this better but thanks for sharing and have a nice day :)

hello hello!! thank you SO MUCH honestly i know i can be a little hard on my old stuff (ESPECIALLY fracas) but just know that i dont actually hate any of it. i just compare it to my writing nowadays and see just how different it is! it’s always nice to hear that someone likes my writing. i’ll read the comment over and over again and get so happy. and then come back later and read it again lol so for you to say this means a lot to me 💚

fracas au was something near and dear to my heart at the time. i ended up posting like three works about it (one deleted) but i spent countless school-hours writing about it in notebooks and i have so many wips in my files…in the end, i dont have those notebooks anymore and only remember the barebones of the complete story as it was. fracas would have spanned from forest-dwelling reds and blues, to them taking down a Super Secret government operation, to them returning to their home once more. with many, many, many shenanigans in between, and overlapping storylines, of course.

anyways, here’s another 2017 snippet of a fracas wip i never finished. this would have been the opening to the fic haha (i have gone in and cleaned it up just a tiny little bit but i refrained from going too hard at it, least i end up finishing the entire thing)

---

“I ain’t sharing no vegetables with no-good, dirty Blues.”

Leonard squinted into the face of Sarge while the Red raised his chin in response—more so turning his nose up already to whatever the Blue leader was about to say than to his sudden proximity.

It was like a standoff in an old western movie and, if they were in a more sparse, drier climate—where thick evergreens didn't grow and the shabby pavement beneath their feet weren’t littered with pine needles—a pinecone could take the place of a tumbleweed and roll pass them down the length of the avenue, out of sight.

But as it was, they weren't in an old-town desert outside a local tavern, readying their pistols, spurs jingling. Instead, they were smack-dab in the middle of town in each others faces, the trees parting enough to let in a few good, generous rays of sunlight; and Leonard, swimming in his hoodie, didn’t seem to have a good rebuttal.

Despite this, Michael from afar whispered with as much enthusiasm as he would atop a theatre stage, “Leonard will win” like it was, in fact, some kind of duel-gunpoint competition set up for all of their amusement.

The Reds and Blues stood in a sort of collective semicircle, watching their respective leaders size each other up. Transactions never were an uneasy affair in Blood Gulch, the mutual desire for an item far more powerful than the animosity the teams constantly lived within—but, of course, Sarge wasn’t the one usually making deals.

Richard had tried to passively refrain his leader from going with him to make business with the Blues; he had wanted Dexter—as was the standard—but Sarge seemed to be bored that day, perhaps, and mentally decided that the only way to stir the light of day was to make trading far more difficult than it needed to be. Obviously. So, it was in his wake that the entirety of Red team came to witness Leonard still unable to come up with a response to his rival team leader's declaration.

“Oh yeah?” he tried after a moment more. “Well—we don’t want your fucking vegetables—”

“Yes, we do!” Lavernius threw his hands up in despair.

“Yes, we do want your fucking vegetables,” the Blue probably thought it was a pretty good save. “So—just give them to us,” and he still doesn't know what to say. “Why are you even here?”

Sarge seemed to swell at the question, back straight and towering over Leonard not in stature but in pure aura alone. “I'm here to make sure you don't swindle my team out of valuable goods!”

“Don't worry, Sarge!” Delano called out from the back. “My goods are too precious to give away so easily!”

“Thanks for the info, Delano.”

Del was always so unwaveringly cheerful. “You’re welcome, Sarge!”

[rants-n-complaints]

Oct 31, 22

So I haven’t posted on here for almost a year now. That’s crazy. It’s partially cause nothing terrible has happened that’s made me want to write about, but mostly cause I forgot about it lol. Since my last post, Goon and I started dating and my friendships I have grown quite a bit.

But every once in a while I’ll feel nostalgic and re-read my text messages from friends. Today, I decided to read them from today a year ago. Particularly the messages I sent with Horny. It was mostly us two talking about how much we wanted to fuck again lol. I feel bad because not long after, Goon and I started dating. Horny was happy for us, but he did say he was disappointed we couldn’t hook up again.

Ever since then, Horny hasn’t really talked to me much beyond a few short messages. Although I think that’s mostly cause he started dating someone a few months later, but I can’t help but wonder if he had feelings for me. I had asked him before and he had said he didn’t. I’m willing to believe him mostly because it’s more comforting than the thought that I broke his heart or something.

Anyways, the reason I’m writing this is because I honestly miss talking to Horny. He rarely responds to my messages and our conversations are short to the point where I feel like he’s purposefully ignoring me. I know he’s really busy with life in general and talks to a lot of people, and I certainly don’t blame him for prioritizing his boyfriend. But with how infrequent he messages me after I started dating someone and how much he wanted to sleep with me back then, I honestly feel like I was just used by him. I feel like an idiot for agreeing to sleep with him.

Despite that, I don’t really regret what I did. I enjoyed it, and I want to keep talking to him. But I don’t know how much of that is a genuine friendship or me coping with what I did. Every once in a while all this will just get to me and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m honestly debating just deleting his contact now. I think that might be too dramatic and I don’t know if that’ll make me feel better, but it would probably help me forget about it. Forgetting might be hard to do, since Horny and Goon were friends for quite a while before I met them. Although from what Goon says, Horny doesn’t talk to him much either.

Honestly, I don’t even know if this is something that genuinely brings me down or something that my mind brings up when I’m already upset. Either way, It’s something I felt I should gather my thoughts on. So yeah, that’s kinda about it. Not sure if I’ll be using this blog much, but it’s here.

[yanderecrazysie]

yn is kenma's no.1 fan! to the point of an unhealthy obsession one day kenma notices her yn thinks that this is a dream come true and that it's the best day in her life well soon she realizes that she was dead fucking wrong as everything goes downhill after that day

I used to dream so much of being noticed by my favorite YouTubers- I’d binge-watch all their videos and just daydream about them when I was younger. So to be noticed must be so exciting! But for it to backfire- it’s like those genies where everyone says “Be careful what you wish for!”

I FINALLY WROTE SOMETHING, HAHA! I feel like the ending probably isn't what you wanted exactly, but my brain felt it was best to end it there.

Part Two can be found here: https://www.tumblr.com/yanderecrazysie/720073929100804096/veneration-part-2-yandere-kenma?source=share

Title: Veneration

Pairings: Kenma x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, swearing, spoilers for Kenma’s timeskip (Kinda? I don’t even know much about the timeskip ngl), Reader is NOT a yandere (she is obsessed with Kenma as a celebrity crush sort of thing), mention of like one inappropriate thing that’s in a popular game but not detailed(?), Kenma is a bigger fan of you tbh

Summary: When you catch the attention of a famous YouTuber, you think that you’re the luckiest person in the world. Little do you know, you caught his attention long ago. And his obsession is a lot darker than yours.

veneration

/noun/

respect or awe inspired by the dignity, wisdom, dedication, or talent of a person

Koduzen’s chat was a blur of movement and impossible-to read comments. It always was when he streamed, even with slowmode on and automatic filtering of spam. He was immensely popular, his channel having grown exponentially in a short amount of time.

You had been his subscriber for over a year now, not that it mattered if you ever said “I’ve been here since before he was popular”. Still, your adoration for him hadn’t changed in the slightest, if not only increased.

He had inspired you to make your own YouTube channel, but it was cringy and rarely got more than 10 views. You often considered deleting the videos, but left them up anyway. There was something about taking down things you worked hard on that you couldn’t bring yourself to do. No matter how cringy it was, you still made the videos and worked hard on them.

And so your channel sat, dead and on permanent hiatus. Not that any of your very few viewers cared.

Today, Koduzen was playing a game you’d heard of, but never seen before today. “Yandere Simulator”, a strange, violent game. You were a couple minutes late to the stream, one of your classes running a little later than normal but you didn’t seem to have missed much. In fact, within the minute you slipped on your headphones and focused on the screen, Koduzen finished the idle chat to his viewers and started the game. Perfect timing!

You, like everyone else watching the stream, made plenty of comments, hoping to be the literal one in a million that Koduzen noticed in the comments. As the famous YouTuber tested out the game, seemingly happy with the weapons and disgusted by the panty shots he was expected to take, you sent out a quick sentence in the chat.

“Glad to see a guy who’s got morals LOL”

His calm voice played through your speakers, like he was talking to you in-person, as he read your comment out loud. Your heart drummed against your rib cage and heat spread across your face.

“I’m glad to see a girl that appreciates me, Kodu[Y/n].”

You cringed at your embarrassing username, but swooned at the rest of his sentence, his words swirling in your head on repeat.

“I notice your channel has a lot of CS:GO on it, you should send me an invite and I’ll join your party sometime.”

Your heart practically exploded and you giggled in a way you’d never thought you could, squeezing your arms to your chest in pure glee. You felt like this had to be some sort of dream, but you hadn’t even gotten to your bed yet.

When Koduzen ended his stream, thankfully he always ended them just before the time you always slept, you climbed into your bed, too giddy to sleep. You chose instead to stare at the ceiling with a goofy grin, until your daydreams of playing games with him merged into actual dreams.

You never questioned how he knew you were a girl, despite your YouTube profile picture being a popular male anime character. You never wondered how he had the time to look at your profile when he was in the middle of a game or even why he would check some random commenter’s profile.

To you, Koduzen was a celebrity, someone from a world you wished to reach but could never touch. Someone to be watched, but never met for more than an autograph or picture. Someone you could never hold a conversation with for more than a minute before his manager would usher you away.

To you, that’s what celebrities were. Untouchable and superhuman.

To Kozume Kenma, you were the same. Untouchable and superhuman.

Except you’d be touchable soon enough.

Kenma had met you several months ago.

Back then, he streamed whenever he felt like it, played whatever he felt like playing, and barely paid any genuine attention to the chat. When his manager and best friend, Kuroo, insisted he go to [your country]’s YouTube convention he tried to refuse.

But, like with all things Kuroo-related, he got dragged along into it anyway. The mobs of girls swarming him, flirting with him just because he was a famous single YouTuber, touching all over him without his permission, and saying the dumbest shit he didn’t want to hear.

When he was done with autographs and pictures and all the other shit they forced him into doing, he holed up in his hotel room and played games until midnight. When he reached for the soda he always had next to him on his desk, he remembered where he was.

He knew girls were probably lurking in the hotel they knew he was probably staying at. He shuddered to think he might have to fend for himself this time, without Kuroo and the security guards.

Hood up and sunglasses on- his disguise was complete. He was fully shielded. 100%. Everything would be fine. At least, that’s what he told himself.

He slipped his keycard into his hoodie’s pocket and opened the door, throwing a glance either way to make sure the coast was clear, and made his way to the vending machines. The signs around the hotel weren’t especially clear, but when he finally found them, dread sank into his skin.

A girl was standing there and, on her sweatshirt, was the Koduzen logo. Despite being in his disguise, he had hoped to avoid meeting anyone, not just because he wasn’t a huge fan of socialization but because there was still a chance he’d be recognized.

This was the worst possible situation.

He started to back away, but the girl had already looked up, smiling at him. She had been extracting her own drink from the vending machine- a soda that he’d never tried before (he was a creature of habit) and was straightening up from her former crouched position.

Her smile grew as she spoke to him, but not because she recognized him. No, to her, he was just some random stranger dressed kind of suspiciously.

“The machine gave me two sodas instead of one. I don’t know if you like this kind, but I have an extra if you want it!”

Kenma’s eyes widened as the girl outstretched her hand to him, an identical soda being offered in one [skin tone] hand. He accepted it and thanked her, immediately regretting it when her eyes showed recognition.

She opened her mouth, then seemed to think better of it, and reopened it to say, “Sorry, you sounded like someone I admire.”

Kenma found himself responding, even though his introverted senses urged him to turn tail and just try the new soda or sneak back later when this mysteriously fangirl had left, “Who do I sound like?”

“A YouTuber, Koduzen.”

“And you said you admire him? Why?” Kenma chose his words carefully, pitching his voice a little deeper than normal, curiosity winning over his normal instincts.

“He’s really good at gaming and is really smart. He’s always fast to react and amazing at strategizing. He’s entertaining to watch and his commentary is really clever and makes me laugh a lot. He’s just overall an amazing gamer and YouTuber.”

Your eyes were shining at the end of your rant and Kenma had to make sure he didn’t gape openly at her. He was used to his fans going on about how “cute” he was and how they loved this or that about him. And yeah, lots of people complimented his skills (he was a professional gamer, after all) but not quite like this girl. She was… interesting.

He found himself wanting to test her, to see if he was like every other fan he met. Bursting into furious shrieks when anyone said anything against him and becoming some sort of monster that fed off of the hater’s displeasure. Insulting them, sending death threats, one was even doxxed. And Kenma hated those reactions.

So he forced a fake sneer to his lips and sharply said, “Koduzen is so overrated and cringy. I can’t believe anyone’s a fan of him.”

The girl’s eyes widened for a moment and he braced himself for whatever she would do.

“That’s okay. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions.” She was smiling, albeit a little sadly, and asked, “What YouTubers do you like?”

And that’s how the undercover Koduzen managed to have a genuinely relaxing conversation with a fan about YouTube and even just normal everyday things. He found his heart warming to this girl and the desire itching under his skin to learn more and more and more about her.

When Kenma got back to his home, despite being exhausted from the convention, he booted up his computer and typed your name into the search engine. Hours passed as he soaked up every detail about you that he could find, falling deeper and deeper in love with you.

Why did you never notice that your webcam was on when you were watching Kenma’s streams? Why did you never question the timing of his streams? It’s all for you after all.

It was so worth it to “notice” your comment. Your pretty little squeals and happy smile sent shivers up and down his spine and pride swelling in his chest.

The next YouTube convention in your country was only a few months away. And don’t worry, Kenma is completely prepared. After all, you could never say no to following him to his room.

You’d ignored every warning sign up until now, what was a few more?

[because-of-a-friend]

Enemies to Lovers!Jeonghan

MASTERLIST

One day I will come up with titles for my works lol. 

Hi Hannah!!!! Thanks for requesting! I loved doing this one! I went ahead and went with Jeonghan cuz I feel like he fits this trope best! Sorry you had to wait so long, this particular fic got deleted like... three times so it was a struggle lol. I hope it’s what you were looking for!

I hope this is a good one, I’m realizing I get real insecure about my writing anytime I’m not doing a bulletpoint or reaction fic, so I don’t feel great about this time. Also I only started recently putting actual detail into my kiss scenes and idk how I’m doing with those???? Like do they seem ok??? Also I feel like I make it so obvious that I am such a sucker for SVT having cute nicknames for siblings, friends, partners, etc in fics lol. Anyways...

Also, I really said: Jeonghan... but in different types of lighting

Remember I don’t own the gif! Link to OP is right there if you want to go give the creator some love!!!

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: Mentions eating, reader is using female pronouns (I will keep things gn unless you request differently), I think that’s it, pls let me know if I missed any

You’re not sure exactly how it happened. It was probably just an instance of getting off on the wrong foot, that led to more awkward interactions, giving both of you the wrong impression of each other. You knew this, you could rationalize it all. You were well aware that all it would take was one “I think we might have the wrong idea of each other” conversation and it would all be over. You could easily fix it all, but…

But his stupid smug face. The sarcastic jokes. The never-ending pranks that were not as funny as he thought they were. His ridiculous arrogance. His overall unapologetic nature towards all of it.

You couldn’t help but hate Yoon Jeonghan.

*****

“I don’t know, Wonnie…” you say uneasily over the phone. In previous years, you’d go over to the dorm without hesitation. You loved spending time with your brother and many of the other boys. But ever since you had officially met and begun interacting with Jeonghan…

“C’mon, [Y/N]! I bought that new game you were talking about! We can play it together on my gaming system!” Wonwoo began to persuade. You knew you’d give in; you always did. Your brother was far too sweet a person and far too comforting a presence to reject. The question was how long did you want to argue with him about going to the dorm.

You sighed, accepting defeat early to save time, “I’ll head over there in a bit.”

Wonwoo gives a small cry of victory, “Ok, I’ll have Gyu make extra ramen.” Wonwoo abruptly hangs up the phone right after, leaving you in silence to groan in regret of your decision.

You immediately straighten yourself out, though, trying to put yourself in a mindset of determination. What were you thinking? Just because you and that asshole didn’t get along meant you couldn’t go see your own twin brother without feeling uncomfortable? Screw that! If he wanted to keep the peace then he was going to have to start watching where he stepped around you. 

*****

You knocked loud and clear on the door of their dorm, knowing that with thirteen people living inside, it was usually too noisy for them to hear someone signal their arrival. To your relief, Seungcheol opened the door just moments after you knocked and greeted you with a warm smile followed by a hand sneaking into your hair to ruffle it, “Hey there, kiddo! How’s it hanging?”

“Just fine,” you tilt your head down slightly in his direction as you pass him to enter the dorm. “How are things here?” As soon as you ask, your ears are met with the noise of someone dropping something in the kitchen, followed by Seungkwan crying in alarm.

“Same as always, I supposed,” Seungcheol sighs, but his smile doesn’t fade. “I think Mingyu and Wonwoo are already in the computer room, if you want to go ahead and see them!”

“Ok, thanks Cheol!” you call as you both rush off in different directions, him towards the kitchen and you towards the small room that would provide you solace from the possibility of having to see Yoon Jeonghan.

You were determined not to let things go how they usually did: you with your mouth clamped shut as Jeonghan spoke whatever teasing words he had saved up for you, and the most you can do to fight back is by rolling your eyes and finding any way to get away from him.

This time, you would still avoid contact with him, but if it happened, you’d speak your mind and not care what he thought, since that’s how he treated you.

But there was no sign of him or anyone else as you walked to the computer room. You could hear Mingyu and Wonwoo yelling and cheering at the game long before you opened the door. It was pitch black inside, the piercing light of the screen making you squint your eyes.

The two men inside both turn immediately to check who offended their dark space with the soft, yellow light from the hallway.

“Oh [Y/N], you came!” Mingyu beams up at you. You nod, matching his bright expression.

“How’s the game?” you ask simply, looking up to your brother.

“We like it so far,” Wonwoo’s smile is wide, he always gets excited about new games, whether they’re good or not. He leans over to grab a can of some sort of energy drink before gulping it down. “We left some ramen for you over there on the table. Eat first, then I’ll let you have a turn.”

You roll your eyes, though Wonwoo was only mere minutes older than you, he found those moments to be enough leverage to order you around and act like you should be dependent on his care. There were times when he even referred to himself as “oppa” to you and insisted that you do the same.

Most of the time you let it slide, especially when you weren’t in the mood to argue. However, there were times when you’d pull out the “We’re the same age,” “Even if you’re older, I’m smarter,” or “Don’t boss me around when I’m more mature than you” cards at the drop of a hat.

“Can you at least turn on the LEDs while I eat?” you ask, tip-toeing in the darkness towards the table at the back end of the room. You hear a click before a soft blue glow fills the room, finally giving you a clear view of your path. You pull the bowl of ramen towards you as you sit and resist the urge to comment on how little they left you. The dorm was filled with food anyways, you could find more later if you got hungry again.

Wonwoo and Mingyu begin to eagerly tell you what they like about the game as you eat. You listen happily, feeling safe in the presence of your brother and friend.

Then of course…

“Hey you two, Cheol wanted me to remind you that we have to get up early tomorrow,” you can’t help the sour expression that comes over your face as Jeonghan enters the room to speak to Wonwoo and Mingyu. “Oh, hey there cutie, I didn’t know you were here!” His smirk makes you sick.

“Don’t call me that,” you say bitterly into the nearly empty bowl.

Wonwoo looks nervously between you and his bandmate, well aware of the dislike you have for him. He’s grateful that you’ve always kept it so civil, but still feels bothered by the unrest between you.

Jeonghan lets out a little giggle in response, and Wonwoo feels a tug in the pit of his stomach, he wishes Jeonghan wouldn’t be so hard on you sometimes. He knows his hyung doesn’t mean anything by it, but you…

You feel your heart sink as Jeonghan steps fully into the room, striding to sit across from you at the table. You can only stare in wonder at his audacity as he slides the bowl towards himself and finishes off the ramen in one bite.

“I was eating that,” you try to keep your tone measured, attempting to keep within the balance of standing up for yourself but not starting any drama that would affect the boys.

“Go make more if you’re hungry, then,” Jeonghan says casually, making your anger positively flare.

You don’t even give your brother the chance to mediate, jumping up from your place and leaving the room, wanting to be anywhere but around that prick.

*****

“You’re leaving already?” Mingyu pouts at you.

“Gyu, I’ve been here for hours,” you laugh, stretching out your fingers as they start to prick from pain of slamming into a keyboard for so long. You had returned to the computer room but only after Jeonghan left. Part of you had wished you had done more to confront him; another part was glad you didn’t start a fight and put Wonwoo in an awkward position. “Besides all of you, as well as me have to get up early tomorrow, it’s already late. I need to get back home.”

“You can stay here,” Wonwoo was quick to offer.

You shook your head at him, “Then I’ll just have to get up even earlier, I’ll go back to my place.” Wonwoo nods almost reluctantly, standing to walk you out.

All of you run into Joshua on your way to the front door, he turns out to be the only one smart enough to ask how you got there.

“Oh, I took the bus,” you say slowly, knowing this is about to cause issues.

“Well, the last one would have already stopped running by now,” Mingyu says looking at the time on his phone.

“I’ll give you a ride,” Josh offers immediately.

You bring your hands up to shake them back and forth, “No, no, I can find a way home, you all need to go to bed.”

“[Y/N],” Wonwoo speaks up immediately in that stern voice you hate but also can’t help but listen to, “let Josh take you home. It’s either that or you stay here, I won’t have you walking around alone at night.” Wonwoo waits a moment to gauge your expression. He finally nods affirmatively, before speaking directly to Joshua, “Take her home, please.”

Joshua nods before walking off to grab his keys. You and Wonwoo send Mingyu off to bed. Once you’re alone, your brother pulls you in for a tight hug. “Do you want me to say something to him?” he asks lowly.

You shake your head, “I don’t want to cause any problems with you guys.” You sit in silence for a moment. “Come and stay over with me sometime, I miss our sleepovers.”

Joshua comes back and Wonwoo pulls away, “Thanks, hyung. Please get her home safe.” For the second time that night, your hair gets ruffled before your brother disappears to go off to bed.

The ride home with Joshua is comfortable. He speaks kindly to you and makes you smile.

You begin to wonder how amongst all these angels, there exists a person like Yoon Jeonghan.

*****

Wonwoo used the new game as leverage to guilt you into coming over quite often in the following weeks. You hadn’t realized how much you had limited your time at the dorm until you started going consistently once more. It was nice being able to spend time with the boys again. You hated that Jeonghan had become such an unbearable presence that it affected your relationship with the rest of your friends.

But ever since you had started to stand your ground and talk back, he had finally begun to avoid you. You supposed it was only fun for him when you sat there and took it.

It didn’t stop the two of you from bickering when you saw each other, but now both of you preferred to avoid each other instead of Jeonghan seeking you out to tease you.

The following weeks of visiting were fairly comfortable. Whenever Jeonghan wasn’t around, you got to spend plenty of time with the other boys and your brother. Plus, the new video game was even better than expected.

Jeonghan’s presence slowly became uncomfortable in a different way.

Instead of being smug and overbearing, he became strangely quiet around you. His facial expressions became more serious as he sent genuine glares your way before letting out bitter remarks and going on his way.

It made you even angrier.

Who the hell was he to torture you all this time and then act like a kicked puppy when you finally fought back???

Your anger and his bitterness slowly escalated the tension between you two. Although they were happening less frequently, the arguments between you became more serious and almost hurtful.

Whatever, you told yourself, he could do as he pleased, you wouldn’t let it affect you anymore.

*****

You stared down at your phone screen. Why? Why did it have to be here, while you were at the dorm?

The call was only five minutes. They didn’t even do it in person. Of course, they had warned that because of hard times, there��d be lay-offs soon. But they couldn’t even do it in person? And all you got was a simple “Sorry, come collect your things on Monday”??? You were a hard worker, passionate about the job, more efficient than most of your coworkers and this is how they treated you???

A part of you could’ve guessed, many of the employees your age had gotten in because of nepotism. But you didn’t want to believe that they’d just brush off all your years of hard work just to avoid stepping on the toes of higher-ups who had relative connections hired at the company.

You squatted against the wall of the hallway, still too in shock to move.

So, you simply sat in silence, for what seemed like forever.

“You good?” you had never felt worse than the exact moment his voice reached your ears.

“Go away,” you said sternly, knowing you’d be crying soon.

“Geez, forgive me for asking,” Jeonghan responds before turning to walk away. He stops abruptly after you sniffle. “So, you’re not ok?”

“No offense, Jeonghan,” you say hating the way your voice is shaking, “but you are the last person I want to speak to right now.”

There’s a heavy silence for a long moment. You silently pray that he’ll just leave. “Do you want me to get your brother?” he asks lightly.

You shake your head, “No, I don’t want to ruin the mood. I’m going to go home, just tell him I had a stomach ache.” You push yourself up and begin to walk briskly towards the door.

To your surprise, Jeonghan reaches out to stop you. You stare at his hand wrapped around your arm and wonder if you’ve ever even allowed him to touch you before. “It’s already late, let me give you a ride.”

You pull his hand off of you, “No, thanks.” You grab your coat and start to dig around in your purse to make sure you have all of your belongings.

“[Y/N],” Jeonghan’s voice rings clear in your head despite your brain feeling fuzzy. You don’t want to look at him. Who is this person that’s showing concern and speaking kindly? You don’t like it. It feels fake. It feels like a predator playing with a wounded prey. You’re just waiting for him to laugh or make a remark or do anything to make you feel worse than you already do.

But Jeonghan simply grabs the keys laying on the front table, grabs your arm once more, and leads you out to the car.

*****

The ride is suffocatingly silent. You wished he’d at least turn on some music to cover up the sound of your crying, but you remained in the quiet. You rolled down your window and stuck your head out, letting the warm night air and sound of wind comfort you. Since you were turned away from him completely, you didn’t see Jeonghan glancing over at you throughout the drive.

You couldn’t have left that car faster when you finally pulled up to your apartment.

To your dismay, Jeonghan also gets out, apparently intent on walking you up.

“You don’t have to-” you start but abruptly stop when he gives you a look telling you an emotion you don’t quite understand.

Jeonghan finally speaks when you’re riding the elevator up to your floor, “I don’t really mean it, you know.”

“Mean what?” you say weakly, starting to feel the exhaustion from crying so much.

“When I talk to you like that… I mean when I’m… rude,” he trails off, running a hand through his hair. “Usually it’s just teasing, but obviously I went too far with you. And I didn’t realize it until you started showing how upsetting it was for you. I should’ve known before that, though.”

“You seemed ruder after I started talking back,” you say, confused.  

“I was just being petty and defensive. I kept telling myself things like: It’s her fault, isn’t it? She should have made it more clear from the beginning that it was upsetting her. How was I supposed to know? But that was just me being immature, I should’ve just talked to you.”

“Is that an… apology, Yoon Jeonghan?” you ask, letting yourself be a little smug.

For the first time, you get a genuine smile out of him, “Maybe.”

There’s more silence for a second.

“It’s a two-way road, though,” you say finally.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“I mean, I could have also come and talked to you instead of letting things escalate,” you say. “I played some part in all of this… unpleasantness. You can’t entirely blame yourself.”

Jeonghan smiles again, reaching out to ruffle your hair the way Seungcheol always did. Then he takes a dramatic deep breath and rolls his shoulders, “There! That feels better, doesn’t it? We can finally be friends!”

You roll your eyes in a playful manner, but you feel it too, a weight has been lifted.

*****

Wonwoo showed up at your door in the middle of the night that night. You took one look at his frantic face and groaned, “I told Jeonghan I would tell you myself.”

“You should have told me immediately!” your brother pouts as he passes you to walk into your apartment.

“I didn’t want to worry you so late, especially when all of you were having a good time. I was going to tell you tomorrow,” you close the door behind him. You watch as he turns on the TV and starts picking through your pantry. “Hmmm, yes it seems quite clear that you came here out of concern for me,” you can’t help but use a sarcastic tone.

Wonwoo sends a glare your way as he grabs snacks and settles on the couch. You sit next to him, grabbing your fair share of the food. You try to keep your attention on the show, but the feeling of Wonwoo staring straight at you is distracting.

“I’m fine, you don’t have to worry,” you sigh.

“Really? Because Jeonghan described you as an emotional wreck,” your brother scoffs.

“I was just shocked and upset. I’ll be ok. I have a good resume, I can find a new job,” you insist.

“I keep telling you, you don’t have to work-”

“I don’t care how much you make,” you interrupt. “I’m not going to depend on you. It’ll just make trouble for both of us.”

“Will you at least let me help out if there’s any problems before you find a new job?” Wonwoo kicks at your leg.

“Like I would even tell you if I was having trouble,” you return his kick.

“You just can’t help but be difficult,” your brother complains quietly.

You let the sound of the show take over the room for a few minutes. “I do have good news,” you finally speak up, wanting to give your brother some peace of mind about something. “Me and Jeonghan made up. We figured it out.”

Wonwoo bolts upright with a grin on his face, “Really??? It’s really all good now?”

“100%,” you say, unable to stop yourself from pinching your brother’s cheeks, finding his excited expression cute.

“Let’s celebrate soon then! We can have a big gaming party with all of the boys!” You agree to your brother’s proposal. You feel content in this moment, knowing you’ll wake up in the morning in an uncomfortable position, immediately kick at his legs and tell him to get his stinky feet away from you.

*****

Your time at the dorm increases with the weight of you and Jeonghan’s rivalry being gone. You’re enjoying getting to know him as a friend instead of constantly walking on eggshells around him. Going to visit the boys is once again a happy and comfortable experience.

You hadn’t realized how much Jeonghan had affected you until you two had worked things out. The world felt light again and you could breathe, no longer in constant worry of possibly ruining things between your brother and his bandmates.

You hoped things would remain without complications for a long time.

*****

“Seungkwan, you should come with us!” you begged. “The carnival only comes once a year; you can’t miss it!”

“But it’s so crowded and there are screaming kids everywhere,” Seungkwan complains.

“Oh, whatever,” Soonyoung interjects. “You love it every time we go.”

Seungkwan gives Soonyoung a look that has you laughing through your mouthful of ramen. “Oh, shoot,” you say feeling liquid start to dribble down your chin. “Can I get a napkin?”

“Here’s one,” you hear Jeonghan’s voice as he enters the room. You reach out to grab the napkin as Seungkwan and Soonyoung continue bickering. But instead of handing it to you, Jeonghan extends his hand not holding the napkin towards you. His fingers come to lightly touch your chin and turn you towards him. Jeonghan wipes your face with the napkin himself, taking the time to make sure it’s really all clean. “All better,” he smiles at you, running his thumb across your chin to check its cleanliness one last time.

As Jeonghan walks away, you turn to see if Seungkwan or Soonyoung saw what had happened. They were still arguing, though. The boys showing you physical touch or affection wasn’t really all that uncommon. But for some reason, the way Jeonghan had grabbed your chin just now… Why was your heart beating so hard?

*****

You couldn’t stop yourself from dragging Wonwoo all over the carnival. It was nice to get out in this environment, the lights, the laughter, the food, the games, the rides. You wanted to do everything, but not before you looked at all there was and took in the spectacle.

You could hear all the boys laughing excitedly behind you, you knew they’d want to try everything as well. You shook your head at Seungkwan’s bright expression, you couldn’t wait to play the ‘I told you so’ card later.

The night was a blur. All of you ran from games to rides to snacks and then all over again.

You couldn’t help but stop completely in your tracks as you passed a booth with a giant stuffie of your favorite animal as a prize. Your fascination with the plushie doesn’t go unnoticed.

“You want me to win it for you?” Jeonghan’s voice is suddenly speaking right into your ear. You jump after realizing he was right behind you. You grip your cotton candy a bit tighter and shyly nod. The way Jeonghan grins at you fills you with warmth.

You watch him walk over to the booth. His light hair and pink shirt were illuminated by the soft glow of the surrounding lights. Jeonghan takes his wallet out and hands some bills to the vendor. You step up closer to stand next to him as he plays the game. He laughs as he chats back and forth with the vendor. You watch in awe as Jeonghan clears the game, no problem.

“Anything from the top shelf!” the vendor exclaims happily.

“That one please,” Jeonghan points right at the stuffie you had been staring at.

“It’ll be a wonderful memory for your girlfriend,” the vendor smiles as he hands the prize directly to you.

“Oh, I’m-”

“Of course!” Jeonghan interrupts you almost instantly, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and starting to pull you away from the game. “We’ll cherish it for a long time! Thanks for the game!” The vendor waves kindly as you two walk away. After a moment, Jeonghan pulls his arm off of you, “Sorry, sometimes it’s just easier to agree than explain, you know?” You nod in agreement. “Wait a second,” he stops you by putting his hands on your shoulders and standing in front of you. Before you can ask what’s wrong, his hand comes up towards your face as it had earlier that day. He quickly swipes his thumb across your lips before pulling to back to show you remnants of your cotton candy. “Do you always eat this messily?” he grins and then, to your surprise, puts his thumb in his mouth to clean it off.

You stand there, frozen, unable to really comprehend what just happened as Jeonghan walks away towards the other boys.

“For the second time today?” Soonyoung is suddenly standing next to you.

“So you did see what happened earlier!” you exclaimed, hitting his arm lightly. “It was weird, right?!”

“Can’t tell yet,” Soonyoung replies cocking his head to the side and putting his hands in his pocket. “Sometimes Jeonghan is just sort of naturally flirtatious. But I’m not sure about you. I figured since you two didn’t get along at first, it’d take him awhile to warm up to you at that level. He seemed to get comfortable with you quite quickly.” Soonyoung turns and shrugs at you after his words.

“You’re no help at all,” you say emotionlessly. There’s a pause before both you and Soonyoung slowly look at each other and laugh at your quip.

You decide to brush off your new concerns about Jeonghan and enjoy this night with the boys. The vendor was right, it was a good memory, and you’re sure it’d last you for your whole lifetime.

*****

You hate yourself a bit for it, but you once again seem to be avoiding Jeonghan. He had made you so nervous that day, and the way your heart pounded… You didn’t want to get sucked into having a silly crush on him if he wasn’t actually trying to flirt with you.

No, from now on, interactions with Jeonghan would be friendly but short and appropriate.

You were stupid to think he wouldn’t notice.

It wasn’t long before there came a night when Jeonghan insisted that he be the one to give you a ride home. You couldn’t help the way your nerves spiked at his determination to be the one to take you. You knew he most likely wanted to talk to you about your sudden distance from him.

The ride itself was nice, Jeonghan rolled the windows down for you, remembering that you enjoyed the warm night air of summer. You talked comfortably with one another. Jeonghan was always able to make you smile so easily.

You couldn’t stop yourself from staring at him. He was just wearing a t-shirt and sweats but… His blonde hair being illuminated in the moonlight as he ran his hands through it and his bright smile as he laughed...

He really was beautiful.

Once again, Jeonghan came with you to walk you to your door. And once again, he finally spoke up in the elevator, “You’ve been avoiding me, sweetheart.” Your heart drops to your stomach at the nickname. “Is everything ok? Did I do something to make you mad again?”

You quickly shake your head and pull your hands up to shake them as well, “No! Not at all!”

“You sure?” he insists.

“Yoon Jeonghan, you really don’t think I’d tell you if you did?” you say.

He giggles, “Yeah, that’s true. You’d let me know the moment I messed up, wouldn’t you?” The elevator dings and opens up to your floor. You and Jeonghan step out together. “Is everything else ok, then? You don’t start avoiding people for no reason.”

You nod as casually as possible, “Everything is great.” Your tone isn’t convincing and Jeonghan nudges you. “I guess, I just got… nervous? I mean one moment we were like enemies and then the next we were suddenly really… close, and-”

“I made you uncomfortable?” Jeonghan’s voice is slightly panicked.

“No, you did nothing wrong! It’s all on me, I just got caught up in my emotions and-” you stop abruptly when you realize what you were about to do.

Jeonghan nods quietly as if to say he understands, but what it is he understands, you’re not sure. “Is it ok for us to remain close, or do you want me to back off?”

“I don’t want any more distance between us, but…” you trail off.

“But, what?” he prompts you again.

“I don’t want to get the wrong idea about anything…” you say, finally reaching your door.

Jeonghan watches as you slowly unlock your door and push it open, “You haven’t gotten the wrong idea about anything.” He avoids eye contact when you look up at him.

You’re shocked by his forwardness. But once he voices his thoughts out loud, you once again feel the feeling of a weight being lifted.

Jeonghan gestures for you to step inside, catching your arm once you fully pass him. He pulls you back to him, close enough for him to lean in and leave a quick kiss on your cheek, “Night, babe, I’ll see you later.”

You stand there, completely still, staring at your door that had shut closed in front of you. You can feel heat rise from the tip of your toes all the way up to your ears. You finally let yourself fall into a squatting position, covering your face with your hands, and letting out a squeal.

*****

Jeonghan invites you to meet up outside of the dorm. It’s a cute little coffee shop at a quiet part of the city. You’re already sitting when he walks in. Maybe one day, you won’t be completely caught off guard by his beauty… but today is not that day.

His whole person is bathed in the glow of the early morning light as he approaches you, the softest, most genuine smile gracing his face.

“No, don’t get up,” he says when you try to leave your chair, “I need to go off and order anyways.” Jeonghan leans down to kiss your forehead firmly. “I just wanted to come say hi first,” he whispers, holding your face close to his.

Your first date sets a wonderful precedent to the rest of your relationship. Jeonghan gets your heart racing with flirty comments and sweet touches. But he also makes you feel calm and content, easily keeping a smile on your face. You just feel… good throughout it all.

You insist on walking him back to the dorm, since they had schedules that day.

“So, we’ll be doing this again?” Jeonghan asks hopefully, as you reach the front door.

“Definitely,” you nod enthusiastically up at him, wondering how you had ever managed to despise the man that made you feel so whole and happy.

Jeonghan looks utterly happy and a tiny bit nervous as he stares down at you. His hand reaches up to brush back your hair before settling firmly against your face. Jeonghan looks at you so fondly as he leans in. His lips connect to yours… so softly… so sweetly. You can feel his nose nudge against your face to push it into a preferred position. He pulls back slightly after every little kiss to let out laughter so sweet, it sounds like it should be coming from the mouth of an angel. But he’s never far away for long, reconnecting to you quickly every time. You let him take the lead, allowing his lips to take care of yours, giving them the sweetest kind of attention. He pulls back for a moment longer to nuzzle his nose against yours, an action that has you gripping his shirt to keep him close. His hands keep themselves entertained by running across your face or through your hair.

He’s going back in to kiss you once again when he front door of the dorm opens, leaving you caught in the act. Wonwoo stares at you two for a long moment before making a single comment that causes you and Jeonghan to laugh.

“You know, when I said I wanted you two to have a better relationship, this isn’t exactly what I meant.”

[jukeboxindie]

Nil headshot studies for fun! I’m trying to find a good way to draw him in my style without losing his likeness. This style turned out kind of comic book-y lol.

I know this is an art blog but while drawing this, my brain kept analyzing his character and his relationship with Aloy and now I want to info dump this on my friends but it’s so niche they won’t care or know what I’m talking about lmao so I’m just going to do it here under the cut.

I don’t do this often. This is a very casual write-up. (edit: This is so embarrassingly long and unhinged i might actually delete this later haha i’m sorry????)

TL;DR: i have a conversation with myself about overanalyzing a side quest character in a video game. why? no idea. i can’t explain myself. my brain do be like that sometimes.

AKA: nil hot, but the murder thing is a little weird: an essay

Preface: this is my interpretation of the characters. If you interpret them differently that’s valid! Keep doing what you do and have fun with your headcanons. I’m just writing this for fun, you don’t have to agree with me! (i’m also kind of nervous because i never write stuff like this and share but i’m so fixated on this side quest character i just need an outlet ahahaha sorry tumblr followers who read this, you’ve been warned).

RIGHT OFF THE BAT: I read Aloy as aroace, I’ll be happy for her whether she ends up having feelings for someone in the third game or not. I’m pretty indifferent when it comes to shipping but I like how practically everyone she meets falls in love with her. I read Nil as also on the aroace spectrum, probably due to circumstance because all he knows is war and has never experienced love or affection as far as the player knows. And he seems to only get turned on by violence.. at least in the first game. On that note, I absolutely love that he’s in love with Aloy haha. She doesn’t have to return his feelings, I like their relationship as it is already.

Before we get more into how Aloy changes Nil, let’s talk about the kind of character Nil is first: I like my fair share of angsty characters and he has every right to be full on angsty considering his background and how he still calls himself a soldier even though the war times are long over; but he isn’t angsty. It’s a different take on this type character and it makes him stand out to me which is probably where my fascination with him comes from.

Nil is unapologetically himself which is what I love about him. He is honest and maybe a bit too blunt but he’s a man of his word. He’s so honest that he voluntarily admits to his war crimes, does the time for it, goes through rehabilitation and is buddies with prison warden, they don’t even have anything *that* negative to say about him lmao. Incredible. He’s just so weird and takes everything in stride. He’s kind of a subversion to a character whose normal reaction is probably reaching a breaking point which leads to heroism or villainy. But he’s neutral. Not a hero or villain, perhaps an anti-hero or a vigilante type. Fascinating. I love the way he is written. Why is he left to be a side quest character he is so interesting please give him more to do in the next game PLEASE GUERILLA I AM BEGGING.

He has an honor code, knows that he has an “issue” (bloodlust, a need to murder, “The Call”) and copes with it by “doing the right thing for the wrong reasons” so.. killing bad people, bandits, thieves, etc... for sport!! He admits this so nonchalantly in front of Aloy like it is totally normal BLESS HIS LIL HEART. He might come off as creepy because The Call compels him, which yeah, isn’t normal or healthy but at least he follows the laws of the lands so... yay?

Aloy: I don’t keep count. (Nil, it isn’t normal to keep a body count...)

Nil: Don’t keep count? Sometimes I just don’t get you. Are you like us, or a little different. (You kill. I kill. Are we really that different?)

Aloy: Hopefully a little different. (YES.)

Nil: Hm.. that’s what you’re going to tell yourself. ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

He experiences some emotion, perhaps not the full range of an average person, due to his background he probably doesn’t completely understand how to feel emotions properly. But he TRIES SO HARD with Aloy. Nil thinks she is similar to him because she is a capable fighter/killer, but she’s also on a different path than him, a path of leadership and empathy. He doesn’t understand leadership, he is just a soldier who follows orders. Also he has a warped sense of empathy, twisted by war. He likes her for all of her qualities even if he doesn’t understand the full scope of them. She loves life, but he only knows death. At first the attraction comes from the killing they do together, but then the other feelings he eventually feels for her (love?) comes from the empathy she shows him and the partnership they form.

Nil even had a partner before Aloy, whom he didn’t seem too torn up about them dying. But when he first meets Aloy, he already appears cares about her from the beginning. He states that he likes her and looks forward to hunting with her. He also has a line that if Aloy dies, he'd kill the rest of the bandits before her body gets cold or something weird like that. But the more bandit camps you raid, the more he falls in love. Like.. I doubt he’d let serious harm come to her at that point. They’re more than just bandit-killing buddies, they’re partners, real partners. When there are no more bandits to kill, he sees their time coming to an end. How does he cope? FIGHT TO THE DEAAAATH. (Killing won’t be fun without her anymore, I don’t know where to go from here, oh wait GENIUS idea, die by her hands because it’ll be really fucking hot and romantic.) He confesses his feelings to her in the end in the dumbest way possible. He thinks he only feels through violence, so violence is the answer. If she agrees, he asks consent to confirm that she is okay with this and that he doesn’t want to pressure her (he is surprisingly polite). If she refuses, he’s heartbroken but he respects her choice (she breaks up with him, they part amicably).

OK BUT THEN Nil realizes that death and violence are not the best feelings you can feel. You can experience something better: life and love [audience awes]. So he shows up to help in the final battle. Because he still loves her... and because violence. Two in one, let’s gooooooooooooo

Aloy and Nil are both outcasts and haven’t had much normal interactions or conversation with regular people so when you put those two together they have HILARIOUS dialogue and reactions. They are both super awkward, the only difference is Aloy feels and acts awkward because she has a grasp of what “normal” conversations sound like, while Nil thinks he’s ABSOLUTELY NAILING this “having a normal human conversation with another normal human” thing every time they talk to each other. Which he isn’t. Everything he says is incredibly odd but he doesn’t seem to know or care. Aloy attempts a couple times to let him know what he’s saying is creepy but the man will not be deterred. He thinks he’s being charming.

Aloy: okgoodBYENIL. (best line delivery)

Okay.. okay... but.. The funniest and best part is that Aloy gives up on trying to tell Nil that’s he’s being weird and creepy because she realizes that he’s not doing it intentionally he just talks like that. So... then she just decides to accept it and befriend him instead!!! She attempts to relate to him, think like him, speak like him and it fails EVERY TIME BECAUSE THE DUMBASS MURDER MAN IS SO DENSE. Like one of my favorite moments is Aloy, knowing that he likes to kill, tells the murder boi that he can deal with the Eclipse as an outlet but then he’s like nah, i don’t get involved in politics. LMAO WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME. HE’S RIDICULOUS. Another moment she tries to relate to him on a friendly level:

Aloy: Your bow has a name? (He’s a weirdo.)

Nil: Yours doesn’t? (It’s normal, she’s weird.)

---------------

Aloy: So... what’s you knife called? (this weirdo named his bow, let me try to break the ice with a follow-up)

Nil: Why would someone name a knife? (????? (DENSE. SO DENSE.))

I know people like to say Nil is horny because of his sexually charged dialogue full of innuendos and that is totally valid! But I interpret it as a form of masking and/or his attempt at flirting by saying what he thinks someone in that situation would say. My funny little headcanon is that he doesn’t realize how horny he sounds. To Nil, this is a totally normal way to let someone you know you like them/look forward to seeing them again. You know, by saying things like:

“I can wait, I know you’ll be worth it.” (Translation: take your time, racing is better when you’re here)

“Here to unleash your demons? It always makes for quite a sight.” (Translation: girl pretty when she let’s herself have fun)

“Waiting will make the ride all the sweeter.” (Translation: I don’t mind waiting for you, I enjoy our time together)

This is getting way too long and I’m just rambling? idk what direction i’m taking this tbh? I guess I just really like Nil because of his character development. His arc starts with him knowing no other purpose than to kill. It was what he was  trained to do. He grew up in war, he doesn’t know a life besides war. Which is why after the war, he had a hard time adjusting and thought he had to continue killing to have a purpose in life. Everything else felt so empty.

Until he met Aloy.

Stupid sexy Nil wanted to die towards the end of his questline in HZD because he didn’t see a point in living, as dramatic as that sounds. His purpose was fulfilled, there were no more bandits to kill! And even if there were more bandits to kill, it wouldn’t be as fun if Aloy wasn’t around. So as far as he knows, he’s peaked in life. Which is why he requests to fight to the death on the plateau.

And in game canon, Aloy is like... No!! dumbass, I’m not killing you! We’re friends, I guess. Why don’t you be my ally in this world ending battle.

Aloy, before final battle: Nil, you’re making it difficult to be glad to see you. (She is glad to see him but Nil says something that’s very... Nil, as usual)

So Nil becomes her ally in battle. Then he survives. Now.. he wants to live. He wants to try to experience life like Aloy does. And probably realizes that Aloy sorta maybe just a little disapproves him killing for sport................ So he takes up the less violent hobby of street racing with a bunch of rebel kids who didn’t want to fight in war. He knows what war does to people, he is a product of war. He keeps these kids on a better track in life (get it????? because racetrack they race on the right track of life now, get it eh? get-).

Nil: A reunion with an old partner deserves more than a handshake, don’t you think? (running you off the track (violence) is our thing! a secret handshake! an inside joke that normies have, right?! winky face emoji)

Aloy: We killed bandits together, Nil. For different reasons. I’m not sure we were partners. (serious)

Nil: I am. Now more than ever. Especially since we’ve moved on to something more entertaining. (ok but you were intrigued by my disguise and kept coming back to race me... so you like me. also, you changed me! i enjoy life now, too.)

Anyways it’s cute and if they bring him back next game I hope he develops more and becomes a more prominent ally to Aloy. Also it would be hilarious if he adapts a new alias and changes his look again.. but this time as his ~*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ truest self *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧~

ok bye

if you made it to the end well.. i don’t know what to tell you. i hope it was entertaining? um.. here you go:

[pies-writes-and-more]

Haikyuu boys and wearing their clothes

Characters: Asahi Azumane, Kageyama Tobio, Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Kotaro, Ushijima Wakatoshi, all with a gender-neutral reader :) (let me know if I missed a pronoun change or made something too femme! I very much so did not proof read this lol)

Warnings: Probably some swearing

A/N: This might be an overdone topic but I love it so much soooooo no regrets :) Let me know if you’d like more!

Asahi literally carries a picture of you in his phone case because he loves you in his clothes so much. He also has a pic of you wearing his hoodie as his wallpaper, and another printed pic of you framed in his room. I don’t care what size you are, his sweaters still manage to feel gigantic on you. It is like a hug FOREVER. 

He literally could not care less that his closet is slowly growing smaller because it means that he gets to see you in his clothes. Eventually, you’ll carry them all back to him in a bag so that he can make them smell like him again. But this is his favourite part, because now his favourite items smell like you. 

Daydreaming in class? Thinking of you wearing the sweater he has on. 

Gets smacked by a volleyball during practice? It’s cause the smell of you is still on his jersey. 

This man trips over his own two feet cause he’s trying to find you in the halls and you wave at him wearing his volleyball jacket ”So that’s where that went. I thought I forgot it somewhere...”

The two of you would trade sweaters before he went on any overnight trips and you’d send him snapchats of you cuddling with the sweater over a pillow or just you snuggled in bed with it on. He’d screenshot all of them, regardless of if you thought you looked good. 

He has an album of you. He will never delete them because they’re all precious.

His teammates have accidentally caught him looking through it before a game because it really de-stressed him if you weren’t able to attend the game in person (though you made it to most of them). Tanaka would burst into tears over not being able to have a significant other with cute photos of and would make Asahi promise to always treat you right. And Asahi would just stare at your photos with his cute little smile and obviously promise because his least favourite thing in the world is seeing you sad.

(Look at how cute he is omg)

Kageyama is confused when you ask to wear his sweater. You probably did it at a time that made some sort of sense. Like it was late at night and you were studying in the gym while Hinata and him were practicing. 

The cool breeze into the gym made you shiver a little and you noticed that his sweater was just sitting there on the ground so when he came over to grab some water you just looked up at him with your signature puppy eyes. “Can I wear it?”

“Why?”

“Oi, stupid head. They’re probably cold!” 

It would probably annoy him so much that Hinata figured it out before him. He’d kneel down and help you put it on, pulling it over your head and giving you a little smile cause you looked so damn cute in his sweater. 

But now that you’ve started wearing his things, he’s still very confused as to why you ask for them. “Should we go shopping?” He’d ask you randomly on a weekend when there was no volleyball practice. And you’d just stare at him because why would Kageyama want to stand somewhere that wasn’t a gym. “Aren’t you running out of clothes to wear or something?”

It would take a while and some conversations before you realized he was asking cause you had like 3 hoodies, a t-shirt, and some track pants in your room that were very much so his. “I just like having a piece of you with me,” you’d explain. He would have to think it over but he was very happy with this idea.

There’s only one shirt you’re not allowed to take and it’s this cute little graphic tee you got him for his birthday that has a nice drawing of a milk carton on it. He loves it. He will kill anyone that laughs at it. And no, you cannot wear it because if you’re wearing, what is he supposed to wear.

Sugawara and you regularly switch clothes because this man gives no fucks for your gender roles thank you very much. He shows up to practice one day wearing a dark pinkish basic, or some floral print shirt that you had in your closet and the boys are like “um Suga what are you wearing?”

And he’s probably just like “it’s call fashion, look it up.” (Like Suga sweetie, it’s just a shirt lol)

If you own any tighter pants like yoga pants or leggings? Suga has worn them because his legs and ass look great in them and he will strut around fully confident with that knowledge.

Honestly, he probably steals your sweaters more than you realize. You guys are baking at his house one day and you’ve made a mESS of your clothes and he’s just like oh it’s okay I’ll get you some new clothes.

And you’re expecting this cute little pj set that he has that might fit you or some comfy clothes that he’s lending you. No. He legitimately has some of your clothes and gives them to you and you’re just like.... “Suga I’ve been looking for this shirt for weeks. I even asked you about it.”

And he is suddenly deaf, little shithead.

He likes you in any clothes but they have to be his comfy clothes or he will set that shit on fire. Ennoshita once offered you his gloves because it was fricken cold out and you forgot yours at home and Suga literally threw him across the road and was like “hello angel I have gloves for you”.

You’re just like “um... Ennoshita are you okay?” Boy probably has a concussion and Suga’s just like “who’s Ennoshita?”

Tsukishima will kill you if he finds you raiding his closet. Like if he walks into his room when you two are supposed to be studying and you’re just casually picking out a sweater, he will throw you on the bed and tickle you until you call for mercy.

Will he offer his clothes to you if you’re in need of something? Most of the time, yes. But you have to ask. No stealing allowed in this household.

Except one night you stayed over and totally forgot a night shirt. Tsukishima is already like half asleep because he woke up way too early for practice that morning, so you just sneak into his drawers and pull out the first shirt you can. You can’t even see what it has on it cause it’s fucking dark. Then you crawl into bed with him, figuring you’ll accept your punishment for stealing tomorrow.

And when he wakes up, you best believe he was annoyed. First off, who plans to stay over and doesn’t bring a shirt? Stupid, can’t you remember anything? But then he realizes, you grabbed this cute little dino graphic shirt and his face is RED. Pasty boi so bright, he might as well be Hinata’s hair. And he’s desperately trying to get out of the bed and run to the bathroom before you wake up because holy fuck you’re PRECIOUS?

But all of his squirming just wakes you up and you see him all flustered, and just assume he’s mad and you’re like I’m so sorry I just didn’t have anything else and was stupid and forgot. And he just hits you (lovingly) on the head, mutters some sort of insult, and moves on.

From then on, that is your designated shirt. It’s a comfort item almost. He’ll only really wear it when he has to be away from town overnight, in which case he’ll wear it as a reminder of you (he won’t admit to it but you tried to take the shirt as a keepsake for while he was gone and he only had a heart attack. Tsukishima Kei does not believe in lucky charms. But he has yet to lose a game when he wears that shirt the night before).

Bokuto has been WAITING for you to wear something of his, but you haven’t yet. And it’s been stressful. He keeps trying to find a good excuse to see you in his clothes but you’re always too well-prepared.

“It’s kinda chilly out, Y/N, want my sweater??”

“I brought one, don’t worry!”

-.- *cue owl boi pouts*

And he doesn’t want you to wear something of his just because he asked. He wants to you want to wear his things. So he just waits. And pouts. And waits some more.

The day finally came when he was least expecting it. The gym that his game was in was freezing and you couldn’t imagine why. Most of the gyms they had played before in were pretty standard temperature but you were going to die if you stayed in the clothes you came in.

You had snuck onto the court while the boys were stretching, Akaashi smacking Bokuto in the head and interrupting his hype session to help him notice you.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a sweater with you, would you? It’s freezing!”

His eyes would widen. The day has finally arrived. He would finally get to see you in his clothes!!!!

But of course he has no sweater because he had not planned on needing one. Cue more sulking. Of course Akaashi comes over and offers his sweater and Bokuto almost bites his hand off.

“Well offer her your jacket then, idiot.” Akaashi just needs this man to hold off pouting till later. 

Bokuto’s jacket just looked so perfect on you and it was a nice way to keep warm. You cheered him on during the games and after some jaw-dropping move of his, he would turn to your direction and send you a kiss. Embarrassing? A little. But he was such a cutie, how could you deny his air kiss?

Wearing his clothes became more common after that and he will literally bring you his whole closet so you can pick your favourites.

Ushijima didn’t even wait for you to ask to give you his clothes. He probably folded up his hoodie or jacket for you before a game and placed it awkwardly on your lap or in your arms and you’re just like um... do you want me to put this away for you or?

“Would you wear it for me?” How can you say no??? His cheeks are just slightly going red and he’s avoiding your eyes a bit so of course you have to wear it.

Ushijima thinks you look so nice in his clothes and he really likes how happy you look when he asks you to wear something, so he keeps doing it. That and he knows that sometimes people ask you out during his matches and he likes knowing that they’ll recognize his school colours or his jersey number and at that moment, he will send a calculated glare in their direction. And they will run for the hills, never to bother you again :)

I feel like he’s accidentally shrunk his clothes in the wash before and he just keeps them in a small pile in his room so that you can wear them when you come over. He also buys you proper house slippers that you can wear around his home because he wants you to be as comfy as possible.

Sometimes when you guys are just standing around waiting for a game to start, or if you’re all done eating lunch, he’ll unzip his track jacket and open it up so you can stand there and hug him, and he’ll hug you back with his hands in the pockets so it’s like you’re in the jacket with him (Tendo has definitely zipped it up before and trapped you guys in an awkward hug like stance and he will continue to do this because he thinks it’s hilarious. Has definitely snapped pictures of it and sent it to Ushijima. Ushijima saved it because it was kinda cute).