#i’m only keeping the response post up because i want to hold myself accountable

[evertidings]

If you hate angst/think people who like angst hate themselves shouldn’t you have not included it with MC getting stabbed??

i’ve already clarified that i don’t hate angst and i don’t think people who like angst hate themselves. it was an inappropriate comment on my part and i apologize. as much as i am a stranger to all of you, you are all also strangers to me. lesson learned.

[shiftingdiariesofophelia]

i haven’t had much time for shifting lately (i started working again after being unemployed for like a year) so i’m gonna explain cute little aspects of my hogwarts dr to give myself motivation!!

-

1. Parties!

So, actual PARTY parties are only attended by 5th/6th/7th years. there’s an anti-asshole policy. anyone who’s being an ass, like breaking shit or trying to peer pressure people, get permabanned from ALL future parties unless they are specifically invited by the party’s main host (which like never happens). there’s smoking and drinking and they’re generally just a good time. the music playing always fits the vibe of the party. every month, a different house hosts a big party and it rotates between each of the houses. gryffindor parties tend to end with the most people blackout drunk, hufflepuff parties end with the most people stoned out of their minds, ravenclaws usually try to do fun games and themes every time, and slytherins hosting usually ends with people doing the biggest dares that usually cause some destruction of property (that we clean up) and/or someone in the hospital because they got dared to do some dumb shit. big parties are never hosted by 5th years, they’re only responsible for like birthday parties and smaller stuff. the big parties are typically ran by the prefects and the “party animals” of each house bouncing ideas off of one another. prefects do a good job of taking things down a little so that no one actually like dies or gets expelled, but the partiers still get fun and engaging ideas through. final touches/final say runs through the 7th year head boy and head girl of the respective house who’s hosting. if it’s a party thrown by all of the houses combined, and it’s after October 31st, Pumpkin King and Queen get final say. If it’s before, it’s the Pumpkin Prince and Princess from the year prior.

2. Pumpkin Court during the halloween party!

I’ve briefly mentioned Pumpkin King and Queen in a previous post, so let me elaborate more. There’s a Halloween Party hosted every year. again, parties are only for upperclassmen. 5th/6th years vote for, and two are crowned as the pumpkin prince and princess. sort of like prom prince/princess in this OR. then the 7th years vote two of their peers to be Pumpkin King and Pumpkin Queen. these titles are heavily respected within the school and these two are basically untouchable for the rest of the school year. there are several ways to get voted in. most of the time, people are voted in because they’re a Quidditch star or they happen to be the most popular couple in the grade who everyone actually likes. but sometimes, it’s the valedictorian, or the quiet person who’s kind to everyone, things like that. but it’s always someone fully deserving of the title and the acclaim that comes with it. of course everyone would want to hold the title, but there’s no bitterness afterwards because the two voted in always actually make sense and deserve it.

3. Family!

I’m a muggle-born witch. my parents noticed some odd things surrounding me when i was young, but never could have suspected that i’d be a witch. no one in my family tree (to our knowledge) has ever been a witch or wizard. if they were, it was kept secret from our family. this is intentional so that when i arrive in my dr, i can ask stupid questions because i’m not supposed to know anything about the wizarding world. my parents are kind, and considerate. above all else they trust that they raised me well enough to be self-sufficient and make good choices for myself. they’re proud of me for standing up for what’s right, in their eyes, i can do little to no wrong. i strive every day to honor them. my father, Anthony Adler (face claim David Harbor), runs his own business. he practices ethically, and he’s very successful in his endeavors. enough to always keep both of our bank accounts stocked with money, at least. And my mother, Willow Adler (face claim Winona Ryder), is incredibly mothering on nature. if i lose something, she’s always able to find it. if i need advice, she always knows the best course of action. they never judge me and they practice rational, gentle parenting. we have two dogs, named after two dogs I had in my OR. they’re both dobermen, though- so they’re not exactly the same dogs. more so to honor them i guess.

4. Experiences!

I’m shifting to the morning of my eleventh birthday, so that I can experience the magic of receiving my Hogwarts letter! Dumbledore comes personally to talk to my parents about what everything means and to invite them to a muggle-born orientation where staff further explains things to parents with magic children. i also want to experience shopping for first year for myself. i want to be fitted for robes at the robe shop. i want to pick out my owl at the owlry. but most importantly- i really want the feeling of my wand choosing ME. i’m shifting so early in the story so that i can experience everything for myself in the moment.

5. Camp!

Incoming first year muggle-borns are invited to a sort of summer training camp before their first year of school. It’s a ten day retreat in the Scottish Highlands that runs from june 1st to june 10th. You’re still invited to go to the camp if your birthday falls between the start of june and the start of school, that just means that all of the letters have to come out by may 31st. if you’re born before then, you get your letter on your birthday. if not, and you’re muggle born, you get it may 31st. The founder of the camp is a muggle-born witch who went to Hogwarts and was completely blindsided by how many of her peers already knew basic magic spells, while she could barely hold a wand. she eventually decided to open the camp as a way to teach kids who were starting out like her get ahead in the wizarding world. it’s completely free of charge in any way, and all muggle-born first years from any wizarding school worldwide are invited. they teach you things like when it’s appropriate to wear robes, a very loose rundown of how the ministry works, how to hold wands, how to set up for potion-making, the brief history of wizarding magic dating back to ancient greece, etc. it’s all the stuff magic born kids know so no one is ahead of anyone else unfairly going into school.

6. Alternative world magic!

Not all magic is sourced through the greek pantheon or lesser greek gods. there are different magic practices that are real and almost as powerful as wizardry that stem from other world religions and practices. for example, voodoo is practiced by certain people of African decent reliably in my dr. there are other branches- hoodoo, wicca, paganism, nordic, etc. wizardry is the most prominent, though. and other magic practices keep to themselves in their own secret societies. i just like knowing that there are other cultures out there practicing magic in different ways than we are.

[araedi]

I promised an update on my life/activity and stuff, so here it is! I’ll stuff it all under the cut but the tldr is I’m still here just on a super slow. I’m always down for chats and interactions as long as you’re cool with that!

I’m quite private about myself online so gonna keep this brief (lol watch me do anything but), but I feel like I keep circling back to apologising every few months for not being here enough then punishing myself over it when I’m not magically active again. It’s ultimately a hobby but I still feel bad that people writing with me could be feeling let down/ignored, so I wanted to drop this rather than keep on cycling the same apology until it feels hollow.

Life’s a Lot right now: I’m currently juggling two part time jobs, pretty much full household responsibilities for three people, night-school with essays, and an emotionally intensive placement as part of my training which also involves paperwork. Home life is also less than ideal (won’t go into details). On top of this, I have chronic health problems alongside chronic pain so most days I’m just crabby and exhausted; my mental health could be better but rn it just feels like I’m treading water to get to a place where I’ll have fewer commitments.

Ultimately rp and writing/creative stuff in general is part of how I unwind so I’ll always be around because this outlet is so rewarding, but as it stands I’m just so mentally and pysically drained that when I do have the time I’d rather just switch my brain off and play a bit of a game and have a sliver of social life than try to force out writing which is gonna be sub-par. I’ve been feeling kinda down about my writing for a bit and just feel like I’m giving the same post over and over, which also isn’t helpful!

As for my activity and where y’all fit: I’m still around and intend to be; still responding to DM’s on Discord or IM’s on here (unreliable though they are -_-) just being ridiculously slow with replies and popping reblogs or replies out just as and when. I’m not the type to up and quit, hell I’ve been on this blog for years so I’m going nowhere, just on the go-slow with the odd spurt of like 3-5 replies.

Of course I 100% understand if this weird unpredictable activity doesn’t fit for you: we all have different needs and expectations with this hobby and if me only showing up now and again isn’t gonna work that’s totally ok and you don’t have to follow or write with me: it’s been a blast knowing you!

If you’re chill to stick around and deal with my slowness, please know I WILL get to replies, even if it’s at glacial pace. I’ll post a shot of my tracker/a list up in the future so I can be 100% on what I owe and know you can always check in with me/hold me accountable for stuff. Please know you can ALWAYS drop stuff in my ask boxes, whether it’s memes or questions for muses or just crack. It always puts a smile on my face <3 if I received it I’ll reply to it, so barring just a few memes I have nothing else waiting!

This all being said I would LOVE to build up more long term/in-depth character relationships and sustained interactions over multiple threads. I love getting to know my rp partners beyond the muses – it’s just that right now it’ll take six times as long to get anywhere. My door’s open for any chats r.e. any muses here or on the multi.

If you need my disco handle just ask/reply here or whatever and I can send it; if you need to get in touch for any reason and can’t seem to get through to me, just send a ping to the bestie Benevolentgodloki c:

If you read all this and are ok with sticking around know that you have my undying love lmao; I know it isn’t easy trying to build anything with someone who only posts once in a blue moon so your patience is appreciated and I’ll always appreciate having people to come back to on here <33

[tigerbears]

Hello there!

You can call me TigerBear.

I’m a 20s something trans-girl who's only been on tumblr for almost a year

I mostly just do reblogs, and just random stuff but I'll also post links to my fanfics so keep an eye for that! (Only been one so far, but lots of folks seem to enjoy it xD)

Expect my fics to mostly be UT and DR fics... Same with posts.... Just a lot of UT/DR related reblogs and post, but you'll also see a few posts related to other games I like or things that catch my fancy. (E.G, I've reentered the doctor who fandom after like 4-5 years)

Aiming for the blog to be SFW/Minor friendly but y'know, I'm still an adult and stuff. Might reblog stuff with swearing. May also reblog SFW posts from NSFW blogs/"Minors DNI or do not follow" blogs, but I don't usually follow these blogs and will likely not touch their risky stuff. TL;DR this blog be safe, can't guarantee the same from those I reblogged.

Guess I can talk about some things about myself.

I’m a trans-girl lesbian who goes by she/her pronouns.

I'm also neurodivergent (autistic specifically) so if I act differently/misunderstand things that's why. I'm sorry my brain just be running differently.

I’m likely suffering from chronic Asriel and Noelle brain rot. I want goat boy to get a happy ending and love the trans Noelle head-canon. Shipper of Suselle (Susie/Noelle) and Dessriel (Dess/Asriel). (Oh and of course Alphyne (Alphys/Undyne) but I'm not obsessed with the pair like Suselle and Dessriel. Alphyne's still cute though!) Also opened asks! (but don't really know what I'll do with them, and don't expect quick responses, especially bc I’m the shy type of trans-femme.)

Haven't gotten a lot of asks so I just opened the anonymous ones. (Note: This is on thin ice. I may turn off anonymous asks if I change my mind and realize it's a mistake. I already turned off messaging from people I don't follow because I kept getting incomprehensible bot messages.)

If I ever reblog something that's "WIP "a mess of the original post's tags" it means I f--ked up and forgot to remove the wip tags when the post was in my drafts. Please let me know so I can fix it.

Standard DNI: (note realize it got too long with my explanations so I put the longer ones in a separate footnote post. You can find it at the bottom of the DNI list.)

DNI if you hold

transphobia/TERF beliefs. are homophobia or queerphobia in general. exclusionary towards enbys, transmascs, transfemmes, aro & or ace, intersex, & or other folks/identities. are a transmed/truscum, & or any other gatekeeping/invalidation type. racist. xenophobe. Islamophobe. ableist. or are discriminatory in any other way.

Religious fundamentalist, Militant Atheists, or anyone cant respect other people's religious/areligious beliefs. (Its ok to criticize religious people that are being bigoted/harming others, or parasitic cults abusing and leaching off of their members though. Just don't interact if you say stuff like "All religious people are mentally ill" or "all people of X religion are bigots/terrible".)

(can't believe I have to say this) DNI if you ship "those ships." Y'know, the ones which involve some form of i*nest or p*dophilia. (Fontcest, Chasriel, Frans, Lancer/Susie,) Just generally do not interact if you ship any of those "yikes" ships. I don't want my posts to be associated with these accounts. (Footnote 01)

Kralsei (for now and only for now) just barely gets a pass because we don't fully know what Ralsei is, but future reveals may push Kralsei shippers into the DNI category. I'm not touching the ship due to Ralsei's concerning connections to Asriel. If its revealed Ralsei's the personification of Kris's familial love for their brother or something, and you still ship Kralsei do not interact. You won't be punished for shipping Kralsei before the reveal though; I'd just see you in a similar light to those who shipped Luke and Leia before ROTJ. Even in the best case scenario though the ship is going to feel weird to me though just because of the resemblance to Asriel. (Footnote 02)

Please tag your anti-ship posts as anti-[shipname], or I will likely block you, especially if you just tag the ship name. When I follow the Suselle tag I'm looking for everything but Anti-Suselle posts. (Footnote 03)

If your posts look like that of a p*rn bot I'll likely block you.

DNI FOOTNOTES IN THIS POST! GO HERE FOR ELABORATION!

Here are the tags I use for my own stuff.

#reblog For all the posts I reblog.

#queue For all the posts in my queue (which are just reblogs)

#posts from tigerbear's tumblr (Or) #my posts (Or) #tigerbears posts Stuff that's from me (or reblogs which have comments from me.) Pretty much "tigerbears posts" is going to be anything past the 25th or 26th of April 2024 (because I'm not going back to change all of my past tags.)

#tag that are like posts from tigerbear's tumblr Basically similar to posts from tiger bear except their reblogs and the new content is only in the tags. (I don't use this tag often/probably ever btw)

#Upsetting-Triggering For the very few posts/reblogs that are potentially upsetting, E.G talking about stuff like wars or LGBTQ+ rights being stripped away, general transphobic stuff, ect. (I usually come to tumblr for escapism, so if you feel the same way add it to filtered tags so you at least get the warning pop up before seeing it)

Here's the link to my YT channel even though I've so far not posted anything!

Here's my AO3 too! Even though so far I've only posted one fic!

I also have a pronouns.page

Anyway I hope you enjoy my blog!

[novafire-is-thinking]

Sooo

What website are we moving to when tumblr “removes the outdated choice of the feed being only posts from people you follow” and “collapses reblog chains to do away with long posts” and “will switch to emails if a user has push notifications off”

I’m already copy pasting my existing posts into documents for preservations sake but if the update comes and it’s truly awful I think a lotta people will agree on wanting to move sites

The question is where

Okay, so I’ve been reading over and analyzing the Tumblr update post since I woke up to your ask, anon. And I have thoughts.

For those who aren’t interested in what I think about the coming changes, the site I recommend is Pillowfort.

About Pillowfort:

Pillowfort is a new blogging platform currently in open beta with over 140,000 registered users. The founders of Pillowfort want to create a site that takes the best features from popular blogging platforms while aiming for a site that is user-friendly, community-friend, efficient, and fun. We’re passionate about providing our users more privacy and more control over their content, while offering better ways to hold conversations.

It’s kinda small, but it has potential. A lot of Tumblr users (including myself) have already headed over there and created accounts as a backup plan if Tumblr ends up nuking itself, although I personally doubt that will happen.

Now, time to ruffle some feathers:

I personally have very few issues with the actual proposed changes. However, I do have concerns about how far they will go with those changes.

Something I’ve noticed is that, of all social media sites, Tumblr has the highest concentration of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” folks. And there’s nothing wrong with that, necessarily.

However, the reality is that the internet and internet culture are constantly evolving.

What tends to happen is that as companies get bigger and eventually sit close to the top of an industry, they become beholden to the majority if they want to stay relevant.

It makes me think of how celebrities and politicians who make it to the top have to say all the right things and strive to meet certain mainstream expectations at the cost of true individuality/being genuine/making a difference, if their goal is to stay relevant and popular. That same principle applies to the business world.

Now, I don’t claim to be an expert in matters of business, but there are things I’ve learned over the years from observing business practices and people in general. I’m also fascinated by the why behind what certain businesses do what they do, so here are my thoughts no one asked for:

Like any company, Tumblr cannot possibly care about what every part of the user base likes AND what works to keep the overall user base alive.

Numbers and data speak louder than the protests of what the data determines to be the minority. The data could always be wrong, but there’s no way for them to tell for sure. They will make changes based on the hard data unless they find sufficient proof that it’s inaccurate.

Tumblr’s vision for the future takes priority. A good company makes every action count toward that vision.

Sometimes company visions change, especially in response to changes in an industry or mainstream culture. This means that those who were on board with Tumblr’s previous vision will likely leave. And Tumblr is okay with this because the data says they’ll still have the support of the majority.

Like any company that wants to succeed, Tumblr would not be making any of these changes if they thought it would cause the site to fail. Something (the data, other sites’ success, etc.) is telling them that they can make these changes without killing the site entirely. Whether or not that ends up being true is to be determined.

Now, to speculate about the proposed changes anon mentioned:

Stagnation is death. Without bringing in and providing support to new creators and users, Tumblr will die. The key is finding a balance between the current user base that wants things to stay the same and bringing in and keeping newcomers.

“Get creators’ new content in front of people who are interested in it” sounds to me like users will still have control over how much new content they see.

Currently, we have the separate “For You” page that already shows new content from Tumblrs we don’t follow. However, it’s very easy for the For You page to go unnoticed and to be forgotten.

I think the best course of action is to switch things around:

As the default for new users, show posts from Tumblrs outside of their follow lists in their main feeds in addition to the stuff from Tumblrs they follow.

Give all users the option to toggle this off and see little to no new content in their main feeds.

For those who choose to see very little new content in their main feeds, move the new stuff someplace else while keeping it accessible.

The solution is as simple as providing options and honoring individuals’ curation of their experiences.

I actually agree that reblogs and replies are highly confusing to most people. It’s difficult to follow a reblog thread when unrelated reblogs all end up bunched in one place. Manually clicking through to try to read all the different reblog threads is not fun. I’m all for eliminating the confusion and frustration.

I have a hunch that collapsing reblog threads won’t be as devastating as many people are thinking it will be. Tumblr would never get rid of something so vital to the site’s culture and success if they didn’t have something better in mind. (Whatever they have in mind for addressing points 1-4, specifically)

As for emails being “forced” upon us if push notifications are turned off, I doubt this will end up being more than a small annoyance.

“Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages” tells me that Tumblr will be giving users control over what they receive and how frequently. This is no different than what a lot of other successful companies are doing.

Closing thoughts:

I’m not taking a side or saying all of the changes are good. Heck, I’m not happy about some of the changes, but personally, I’m willing to see what awaits and to adapt.

This is not to say people who end up leaving are wrong to do so and that those who end up staying are better (or vice versa). This is not a post about right or wrong action. These are merely my thoughts on what is happening and why.

Tumblr is doing what they think will work while keeping in mind their guiding principles and the future vision for the company.

Companies change all the time. Typically, those that adapt are the most successful.

People generally want to find a company—or in this case, a website—that aligns with their personal values and desires. If Tumblr ends up not being that website anymore, there are other options—like Pillowfort. Their vision is bound to align better with some people’s desires.

People have every right to be angry about Tumblr’s changes, but anger can only do so much.

I leave anyone who’s read this far with Tumblr Staff’s reply to the algorithm rage:

[pashminalamb]

BELLEEEEEE!!!!! I’ve missed you so much 😭😭😭😭😭!!!!! Typing this as I’m sitting in my car after getting out of my last class. FINALS. ARE. FINALLY. OVER. And I passed all my classes with As!!!! Final exams went really well too!!! I feel like I’m gonna fall and pass out for 12 hours. Which I actually did yesterday because I had finished all my exams/classes but I had one more class to go to today.

BUT ENOUGH ABT ME HOW ARE YOU MY DEAR SWEET BLUE PUNK FAIRY FRIEND??? Have you been eating and drinking water?? Resting??? Taking breaks??? Isabelle. If you haven’t. *gently bonks head* Oliver would reprimand you too yknow? And not the fun bedroom scolding. TAKE BREAKS LOVE!!!! 😭😭❤️ Taking regular breaks is a responsibility to yourself that everyone forgets sometimes when they get lost in all their other responsibilities. Multitasking writing different works too much can cause headaches, speaking from experience sweetheart. And going to the gym is great but your body needs to relax and rest too. Water and a good meal and a hot shower/bath do wonders after a long session do wonders trust me. So please rest okay?

CONGRATULATIONS ON 1.6K 🎉✨🥳!!!! The numbers keep climbing so fast and all these milestones are amazing!!!! I’m so proud of you love 🥹✨❤️!!!

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHOS WATCHED KUROKO NO BASKET. Seriously the fandom is almost completely dead 😭😭💀. I knew it was a oldie but a goody but I didn’t think it was dust and tumbleweeds out here 😭😭. So glad you like it too!! Haikyuu will always be my favorite sports anime and one of my top favorites in general, it holds a really special place in my heart, but KnB was still a really fun watch.

ASFKKFFKJFHKHJG. THAT OLVER ART. Pls he’d hate getting out of bed and just become a complete octopus in the mornings. You gotta wake him up for practice and it’s such a chore. He’s such a big baby pshhhh. But there are some upsides like him saying the only way he’s gonna get up is if you place exactly 100 kisses all over his face, more than half of them end up being on the lips when he actually starts to get up, and you relent every money with a roll of your eyes and and huff and a fond smile he misses cause his eyes are closed. The first thing you do is wipe off that smug smirk from his face. Also hc that Oliver is actually really ticklish and it’s your weapon. Don’t get up even after the kisses? His sides are looking very open rn. Wont get off after flopping on you on the couch? You’re in the perfect position to reach his armpits. Wont stop clinging to you while you’re trying to do a new eye makeup style for your guys’ date? His neck is literally wide open cause he loves smushing his face into the crook of your neck.

What video? Did you post it on your other account? Because I couldn’t find it. Dangit I wanted to simp for Oliver too 😭😭.

Seriously I’m an introvert what are you gonna do? Lock me inside your house? Great free access to your clothes. Still me seeing friends? What friends babe? Take me everywhere with you? Nice let me grab my book and coffee and we’re good to go. Adjkgfhnjhhhv 💀💀.

That girl shoving into you was so rude. All it takes is a simple excuse me dude. And ISTG PEOPLE WHO SPOIL THINGS WHEN NO ONE ASKED 😤😤😤. They seriously piss me off and ruin the experience. See it’s different when I intentionally spoil myself because I’m too impatient. Someone else doing it? Oh heck no. Its the same feeling as someone taking the last of your favorite snack from the vending machine.

Also just a heads up. I’m gonna sending in multiple asks cause there’s just too much I wanna talk abt and breaking it into parts sounds better. So this is the first one. *sends aggressive virtual hugs that feel like they squish all the exhaustion out of you*

- ✨ anon

Starry! Omg- All As! That's great! And it's a good thing you took rest too- ik that i'm bout to pass out when i finish exams. I hope you're doing alright tho! Sorry it took me long to get to your ask; tumblr is being weird cause i can only see it when i get on my pc... and not on the app. yeah no I'm moving to ao3. i saw the rb of which character i would interpret the best and you said- Oliver Ofc. he's my husband but he doesn't know it yet ૮꒰ ˶> ༝ <˶꒱ა Well, I've been doing pretty good! I finished a jar of nutella (in 2 days) and i'm planning to buy a bigger one; i did drink a lot of water, ate some pasta, taking rest too made a wedding playlist for me and aiku and lowkey enjoyed it *the way i laughed when i saw : And not the fun bedroom scolding.' I'd like to see Oliver reprimand me (truth : he can't. Cause he knows at the end of the day even if he's bigger and stronger than me, he is gonna be beneath me) but yeah he'd probably say something like "you're gonna get sick, doorbell." But yeah i've been taking rest, dw starry! i'm actually giving myself a treat. with ao3 i can take things slow and easy tbh, which is another reason i'm moving there. The blog will be up ofc; to answer asks and for anons who wanna talk to me abt my work, but yeah my activity on ao3 is gonna be very irregular... THANK YOU!! 1.6k is such a big number, past me would have been like 'huh... never thought i'd make it this far.' BUT YEAH I DID ! T.T But actually it’s you guys who got me there so thank you everyone 💓

I think everyone thought that they were the only ones who watched knb; me included. I used to have the BIGGEST crush on aomine, i even found an asmr of his. (and yeah i do listen to asmrs btw) And yeah the fandom is almost dead (｡ ́︿ ̀｡) and I didn’t even get to read that many aomine works too…but yeah I really liked that anime! Haikyuu made me cry after clannad and also made me laugh the hardest, does hold a special place in my heart as well, Bokuto was my fav and rn… no one really. I like all of them cause they’re so unique yk?

As for the Oliver art, pretty sure he would hold you down to the bed. He would demand kisses! He is such a smooth talker- but since I’m me. When he expects a kiss *places hand on his lips before you kiss* “good morning. It’s time to get up” and he just groans when you have a tiny smirk and walk out of your shared bedroom, and his brain just going ‘god woman. You’re gonna be the death of me.’

How- I think I’m getting too predictable with my writing cause I do have something to do with eye makeup in Ocean hues… 👁️ *but we don’t talk abt that cause no spoilers!*

The video! Starry. I BLEW A FUSE CAUSE OF THAT REEL. so story time, I was checking my insta in the morning after I woke up and this gym based reel popped on my feed. And the moment I saw it - I thought of Oliver. Like alright fineeeee this is a guy Idek on the internet just doing his own thing and posting fitness reels but his body. IT LOOKED. LIKE. OLIVER. AND HIS HAIR WAS LIKE AIKU’S TOO! I’m not even joking - The shaggy hair down at the back minus the green highlights - it’s like the way I imagined Oliver’s body to be like. And- I really wasn’t expecting to see THAT in the morning. So it was a really great start to my day- and I couldn’t stop thinking about it for a whole day so I had to save it. I posted the link for a bit so that blue (💙 anon) and other Aikuists could check it out and we were just fawning over this guy. I took the link down soon after cause I didn’t want anyone reblogging it and creating chaos. I’ll put the link again and take it down in 10 mins. I’m telling you though. IT. WAS. FUCKING. HOT. (i'll be putting up the link in a bit and taking it down too you should totally take a look at it- cause the content is not mine neither do i know the guy but FUCK. THAT LOOKED LIKE OLIVER.) The free access to clothes 😭 Happy relationship = yandere bf + a very introverted partner oliver stealing my oversized clothes in the corner I'm an introverted person as well introverted enough to terrify a yandere as well istg- idk who that was, but it was rude to push shove someone and not apologize for it or even an excuse me. and the girl who spoiled wednesday, never saw her again. i get that someone's enthusiastic about a show, but at the same time... some consideration for people around you 😭 anyway, that times gone and i got a lot of better things to move onto like movies, working out and just overall, making myself happy and having a good day yk? *Sending hugs back*

[nox-artemis]

Halloween isn't making me really happy this year.

I mean, there's a lot of other factors going into play too, but definitely my mind has been preoccupied extra since a lot of feelings have been catching up since last year.

J.G. sure picked a "appropriate" time of year to pull the ghosting act, if you catch my drift.

But again, there's a lot more.

Part One: Realization

The first thing I have to admit isn’t too surprising but still something people don’t condone. I feel comfortable admitting to it now since I blocked-unfollowed J.G. and I’m certain they don’t give a rat’s shit about me to do the same by coming onto my blog (like they ever cared enough about me to want to keep tabs on me). It’s ironic that I say this since what I’m about to admit is that yes: since around the time they ghosted me, I made a habit of lurking on their active social media, which was basically their Facebook. Not only was their FB a public profile (now that I blocked-unfollowed J.G. from IG, I can’t see their photos anymore because private account), it was also the only platform that we never mutually followed each other on, so I felt that this was the only place I could see the “real” J.G.

As the old proverb says, “curiosity killed the cat.” But satisfaction did not bring me back.

When I scrolled back to around the time the ghosting happened, I was a bit forlorn at first to see that there was no post alluding to the event, or of me in anyway, but J.G. did have a “shit post” model of social media as of recently – not really making any posts about their personal life – so I decided to proceed with periodically dipping into their feed, because in actuality seeing them regularly reposting cheesy/shitty memes gave the illusion that we were still talking to one another. I stuck to doing that for a few months because of that.

Until around February/March when they posted a rare personally typed post [changed some wording for privacy]:

People: "But why are you still single?"

Me [J.G.]: "Because I'd rather hold people accountable to their actions than entertain their crap."

And that was the last time I went onto their Facebook.

Weirdly, it was not the last time I tried to contact them, but definitely… I couldn’t look at their open-secret thoughts anymore. Maybe it wasn’t directed at me, but at that point it seemed like a double-edged sword. It was either J.G. felt so much resentment toward the type of relationship we just shared, or J.G. never cared enough about me to even acknowledge anything. It was a big stab to the heart.

And when I deleted all of our messages and the pictures they sent to me of them, I screen captured that post, because I wanted to keep it as a reminder of how much of a mistake it was to be involved with them.

Even though I haven’t accepted it yet.

Part Two: Shame/Embarrassment

This might be something to be discussed with a therapist, but I think a reason that I’ve been taking this whole ghosting/break-up saga so deeply is because – as much as I don’t want to admit it – I’ve been feeling a lot of shame and embarrassment when looking back at me and J.G.’s relationship. And despite how I’ve talked at lengths about my relationship woes to only two of my close friends (the only two people I’ve been regularly seeing for about the same length of time I’ve been ghosted by J.G.) , it’s a detail I never told either of them.

Me and J.G.’s first time together… was my first time.

Some people will roll their eyes and scoff, “ you’re seriously embarrassed about admitting *that*?” and in response I roll my eyes even further and scoff, “Yeah well can we stop pretending that in spite of the ‘sex positive’ façade of our generation some of ya’ll have a weird reaction toward mid/late life virginity loss (it’s possibly the only thing where I have a shred of sympathy for incels and the like since some people *do* talk down on people who are sexually inexperienced/shy/conservative) so can you shove your Adam & Eve promo coupon up someone else’s butthole?”

I deprogrammed myself to not believe in the whole, “save yourself until marriage,” stuff, obviously, BUT I had the expectation that my first time would be with a person who was understanding, kind, good-looking… I just wanted to be with someone who was a good person, because even if we didn’t end up together for whatever reason, it wouldn’t have been on bad terms, it wouldn’t have been regrettable. The good memories and experiences wouldn’t be tainted.

And I guess my embarrassment and shame comes with the gravity of the possibility that I gave myself to a person who by all accounts is a narcissist and/or a psychopath.

And I played into their game.

I know we fling those words around a lot, but this is based on what J.G. has told me about their family/upbringing and I’m not going to be so insensitive as to reveal *their* specific issues, because I don’t even think they know that I know, even though they were quite open about it on their blog.

I don’t want to sound counter-progressive in this era of mental health awareness, but a part of me deep down is regretful that I wanted to give J.G. some compassion and empathy by looking past their struggles… I asked myself if it was a good choice to get involved with some like this, someone like them; apart from our physical distance and cultural difference, this was probably the biggest barrier. Call it hindsight, it was written on the walls that J.G. would do something like this. I’ve read of other people getting ghosted like this by partners/friends who had such conditions.

And then I look at my own family, with so many women – including my mother – having to look after not just physically and mentally ill spouses, but spouses who are just so ungrateful despite their partner’s sacrifices, it seems. Did I really want to put myself in the same boat? It would honestly be safer to remain single even in advanced age and death than to be… weighed down with such a burden.

But I kept telling myself, “NO. Just because people have mental illnesses doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It doesn’t mean their evil/sinister. It doesn’t mean they can’t live complete lives. It doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to have love in their lives.”

I never wanted to fix them – hence why I never brought up the fact that I knew about/remembered their struggles – but I was willing to learn and to be with them throughout if they would let me, have me.

But now you see why I’ve gone nearly half-insane from this. Because I WANT to think that J.G. is an evil, heartless, sociopath so that I can finally realize that by them ghosting me I dodged a deadly bullet, BUT then I’m still suffering from the fact that I was still non-fatally shot by their actions. It’s proving to be very difficult because… how can somebody be both the worst and the best at the same time? J.G. is definitely the person who – out of all of my past relationships – hurt me the most, yet at the same time, whenever I have negative encounters with men and other people (patronizing, predatory), I always think about J.G. as a comfort tool. Like, “J.G. wouldn’t talk to me like that,” or, “J.G. would protect me and keep me safe.”

The thought of our entire relationship being just a game to them seems incomprehensible to me – it makes no sense to believe that for all of these years since meeting on Tumblr, J.G. held the thought, “yup one day I’m going to fuck this chick,” in their mind and saw an opportunity to do so when I began the process of admitting my feelings to them only two years ago (as I recall, I didn’t even make it on any of their “most attractive mutuals” lists). But then again, some people make it their mission to knock women off any pedestal they have just to “humble” them. Maybe they thought I was snooty or a know-it-all or that I was trying to get into their pants for ulterior motives.

And I guess I just made it easy for them. Stupid, stupid.

Part Three: Lessons

There was a time I wanted to be a teacher – like, a formal schoolteacher. The closest I got to becoming one was when I was an after school instructor for kindergarten and 1st grade kids. I learned a lot on that job – including that I didn’t really want to be around kids and that I was willing to go to graduate school to avoid those type of jobs (once people see that you worked in either public education and/or childcare, that’s all they focus on – especially if you’re a chick). At this rate I’m more cut out for college level teaching; maybe I’ll give teaching at the associate’s level a try in a couple of years.

But no matter my education experience and my experience in public education and the like, it turns out J.G. of all people was a superior teacher all along, unintentional or not.

Because it’s been through their cruelty of silence that finally cemented into my mind that this relationship shit isn’t fucking worth it.

They’ve taught me that no one can make them love or care for anyone whom they see as being beneath them.

They’ve taught me that it’s very easy to put on a veil of “niceness.”

They’ve taught me that it’s not worth it to be around certain people – or really a lot of people.

They've taught me a lot and they were very hard pills to swallow. But I had to. They forced me to.

Conclusion:

So yeah. A year ago around this time – oddly enough I forget which date it was exactly and I can’t exactly go back to check those messages – J.G. said that they’d text me back about coming up north to where I live to visit me. They still haven’t texted me back.

Another odd thing is that is that the event didn’t ruin my Halloween, per se. But that’s not a fucking excuse for them and if they try to use that as an excuse, well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that they’d stoop to that level to relieve themselves of any guilt – if they have any.

I’m in school again and school assignments are taking up my time. I’m still working at my current job, and that’s taking up my time. I’m trying to finish an independent research project for an archaeology conference in Portugal in January, and that’s taking up my time. And I’m going to Greece with my half-estranged brother in two weeks, and that’s taking up my time.

Shit always hits the fan in October, my favorite month, and it seems like I have no real time to indulge in Halloween after all.

But it feels like the trauma from last October is catching up to me at last, because in reality, the thing taking up most of my time, ruining Halloween, is thinking about J.G.

I wish it’ll end someday.

[csmeaner]

(1) If you weren’t anon you could get into legal trouble just for making blogs targeting minors and inciting people to attack them. No one would say it’s valid bc op is just “holding them accountable for having a PayPal”.

(2)and Calling the minors prostitutes is extra fucking disgusting, idgaf what your intent was bc you sure as hell wouldn’t give anyone else the benefit of the doubt.

(3)mod shit would screenshot and archive that forever, and include it as evidence that op is a freak, which is conveniently what I think they are.

(4)I know these asks will get shit on immediately as does every post in opposition to this blog, but If this validates even one reader’s uneasiness about the shit op lets fly, I hope you take this post as a sign to run.

(5) Mod shit is not a therapist, nor has any regard for anyone’s mental health or well being. Just because they condemn overspending doesn’t remove their responsibility from all the harmful shit they’ve said.

(6) Mod shit wants content for this blog and if getting that content involves stalking and harassing minors and those struggling with mental illness into feeling hopeless, that’s fine as long as they’re anon and never have to be held accountable!

(7)I’m all for archiving disgusting behavior in cs, but this isn’t fucking it. It’s only a matter of time before it goes too far and someone gets hurt.

before anything else here i just want to thank you for numbering this with the full expectation i was even going to publish all this in the first place. now here's the parts where you're wasting my time

this blog does not target minors it's about closed species venting

i fucked up because i used a derogatory term ("puta") that means whore about a minor when i was more used to its much more uncommon meaning of bitch, i own up to that and will not be using that word anymore because you're right that was very inappropriate

screenshots and archive are to keep people from getting away with their bullshit so i might've screenshot it and hammered down on it like you're doing now but im also not hiding or denying the fact i said that

even if i run someone else will make another blog about the exact same thing

i never once said i was a therapist or consider myself someone even close one i literally tell people to eat shit and fuck off, i also just happen to have links to actual professional therapy resources

actually this blog gets too much content sometimes and i do jackshit to make that content. it's literally people from various corners coming to me i literally just publish it

stalking and harassing implies i actually look further than anyone's toyhouse or deviantart profile pages to watch their every post or comment. i dont' do that i don't even know 98% of the people brought up. the closest argument you could make would be darci because i hate the bitch but i also had been in scarfox for many years and experience a lot of that shit firsthand

i am not responsible for other people's wellbeing i know exactly what a dick i look like managing a blog like this

[andtheghost]

04/06/2024 - Standards and You

So. I was scrolling on Reddit, because that’s what I usually do while waiting for breakfast. And I came across this post on r/AmIOverreacting, and I’m immediately like “this is fake, total karma farming”. And then I proceeded to read the comments, specifically because I wanted to see the comments that agreed with me.

So I’m reading these comments, and they start pissing me off. Like, okay, if this person just made this whole story up, is it really doing any good? But if they’re not making it up, imagine being told your traumatizing experience, which you came to people for advice for, is made up. Like you went through this thing, and people are telling you you’re lying.

And okay, I could also point out how stupid it is to post a situation like that on a public forum. Yes, you’re basically saying “I accept whatever is said” because let’s face it, there are people whose greatest joy comes from trying to hurt others. But does that really make it okay for people to come around trying to hurt you?

But still. If you think this is a troll post, why not just roll your eyes and pass it up, rather than leaving a comment that could be DEVASTATING if it’s not a troll post? Let’s assume for a second that this is NOT a troll post. This person is probably hurting and confused and scared, and you’re sitting there telling them they’re lying? Do you really need your opinion to be heard that bad that you’re willing to hurt someone even worse than they’re already hurting?

Now I’m like “is that okay?” I was never going to share my opinion. In general, with only a few exceptions, I prefer to only post positive things, unless I’m responding to a question where the answer isn’t positive. But I tend to pass up comments that are going to lead to conflict. That’s what my blog is for. But the fact is that I knew people would share my opinion, and I wanted to see it.

On one hand, humans want validation. It’s a normal, natural response to pretty much everything.

I think the thing that’s really bothering me about this is the fact that I didn’t even consider how the person posting would feel if they weren’t making it up. And I can only assume the people posting their comments validating my opinion didn’t, either. Or maybe they did consider it, and they just don’t care that they’re hurting someone. And should they? It’s not their job to make people happy. They’re just being honest.

At what point should you just quiet so you don’t hurt someone? Or should you never worry about it and just shout your thoughts to the world every chance you get? And is it okay that some part of you enjoys seeing the people shouting their thoughts when you know it’s not something you should be doing?

Like I’m not even feeling bad for something I did. I’m feeling bad because of something other people did, but I agreed with it, and I didn’t even consider that my opinion might hurt someone.

I think that’s it. I’m okay with sharing an opinion that might hurt someone, as long as the intent isn’t to hurt them. It’s just the fact that I didn’t even think about the fact that the opinion might hurt someone that bothers me. But I keep saying that you don’t know what you don’t know. I shouldn’t be upset that I didn’t realize it. No one should be held accountable for what they didn’t know, within reason. And I shouldn’t be holding myself to different standards than everyone else.

[kurts-world-101]

ah is a wee bit a cannibalism kink showing? i love that. i have a fic i’d love to show you but unfortunately it was dedicated to me so that would be too much of a hint. fingers crossed you stumble across it organically because it really is divine

it took you years to figure out why it made you so hard, yet you indulged in it nonetheless? there just have been a great deal of denial. what kind of excuses would you make to yourself to try and hide from the truth

it’s this color, specific picture chosen because i went to church as a child as well. was in the choir, in the nativity play, lived across the fucking street. so we have something in common there

research eh? you go back and reread my messages to try and find clues hidden in my words that are oh so carefully chosen to avoid such a thing. how cute. i’d love to know who some of your guesses are. did any of them excite you? or on the contrary, did any disappoint. i’m curious what things about me that i’ve yet to reveal would strike you the most

unfortunately for you it would not embarrass me. hell, put the @ of the person you think i am and if it’s me i’d say so publicly. i’ve already told some of my friends (some of whom follow you, shout out to my besties 😗✌🏻) about the fucked up things i want to do to you, so what’s the harm in telling a few more

which would you prefer, me having my post notifications on, always waiting for that specific chime, or me refreshing your blog in anticipation? i think i can guess. but i have no shame in admitting that yes, one of these is true. what kind of predator would i be if i didn’t study my prey, account for their every move? not a very good one

good things come to those who earn it kurt, the only question is; how badly do you want to know? what are you willing to give?

-⛓️🔪

You could send it to me. I won’t look at the name… just want to read exactly what could be in that fic of yours… what do you mean it dedicated to you? Do you have a big following? A lot of people wanting a piece of you? Dedicated fics for you? Must be special huh?

I just told myself, pretty boys are the same as pretty girls. Told myself that I was young, my brain doesn’t know exactly what it wants yet. When I thought about all the things I wanted to do in the church I just pretended I was someone else. I wasn’t Kurt. I was a filthy catholic whore being used by the priests. It made the thought of me wearing a skirt much hotter. 

That color specifically? I like that you added the little catholic boy in there, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who was raised in the church, now having a religious kink.

Yes I have gone back and looked at clues, looked at anything that gave you away. Wondering if when people tag me in filthy things if it’s you or not. The thoughts excited me wondering which one of you, could possibly be so hungry for me you can’t come into my DM’s…. That you have to keep it quiet. I have NEVER been disappointed by any responses. They all make me feel a certain way. Knowing people want my cock so bad. Begging me to fuck them…. Yet here I am begging you. How the tables have turned.

Every time I think I have something to hold over your head, it always gets away from me. So, you’ve told your friends, just how much you want me? Do they know every little detail? Have you told them things, perhaps you haven’t even said to me yet? Only things you want to whisper into my ear? I wish your friends would help me out a bit. I wish someone would slip up. Good friends you have there. Keeping their mouth shut on just how bad you want me.

You would be bad predator, if you didn’t stalk your preys every move. Watching me get ask and anons of just flithy, disgusting things people want done to them. Does it excite you? Do you like knowing I get attention? Do you like seeing my responses? You know what a filthy cock whore I am for you. But does it get your cock hard knowing people want me? So you can fuck me in front of every single one of them? Showing me exactly who I belong too?

I can’t give anything. I don’t even know what I would give. My brain gets fuzzy by the time I finish these responses. Have the time I’m thinking with the wrong head writing these anyway. 🖤

[joyfuldeepend]

When enough is enough

As an empathetic person and a developer it often takes me a lot to give up on something or someone. I keep thinking if I try hard enough it will make the difference…after longer than enough I learn it really didn’t make a difference and no amount of try on my part could impact the outcome. This is excruciating for me to comprehend emotionally. I remember being in therapy years ago and talking through an emotionally abusive relationship I had been in. It took me forever to believe it wasn’t on me or my fault. That sometimes people are just people and unable to change or consider someone outside of themselves.

Recently I gave an ex a chance to connect. We had dated the better part of a year and I had ended it when it was clear we were in a cycle of nowhere good. There wasn’t a lack of feelings on his part, just communication, time & connection. Anyway I digress. I told him I couldn’t promise him anything but I would give him one meetup. He came back begging and telling me all the nice things about how beautiful & wonderful I was and how there was no other woman for him blah blah blah. So in an effort to not “be a bad person” I agreed to meet. Well not surprisingly he did what had been the pattern of our dating and when he finally arrived I was heated.

I spent a good amount of my teenage years and early twenties angry and boiling mad often. I hate being in that space and so I try really hard not to be in that position. As I’ve gotten older and paid attention to those moments and the triggers it’s become more clear what is happening. I’ve often felt silenced to express or be believed in my feelings or experience. This time I recognize the gaslighting and how the responsibility was being put on me. The responsibility to keep giving chances, to endlessly forgive, to be rejected and not expect accountability, to say only gentle things, to accept what is given even if it’s the opposite of what is wanted, to stay quiet and be grateful that anyone would want me and that should be enough. As I stood there looking at this man who previously had been part of me and in that moment I hated him. No…really I hated me. He represented what I hated about myself. The settling and accepting. The minimums being the maximum expected. The requirement of nothing….

I move mountains for those I love…except for myself because it’s taken me forever to feel kindness towards myself and a semblance of love. I keep waiting for someone to fight for me and I realized I couldn’t even set the tone for myself. And as I looked at this man I was disgusted, not in him (he’s not a bad person), disgusted in the mirror I saw. I saw a meme recently that said what you engaged with when you were broken will disgust you when you’re healed. I would have to stay broken to be with him and I couldn’t do it any longer.

He continued the pattern of pleading for my affection and attention and listing all the reasons I should give him another chance. In that moment I had enough and finally spoke, well really I yelled. I have only yelled at a man less than a handful of times in my life, because I believe in fighting fair. There was something that was unlocked in me as I yelled, shutting down the gaslighting, shutting down the excuses and setting the expectations for myself to accept. In that moment I was transported back a few years to a man that helped begin this pattern for me. A man that taught me to believe I deserved little and that loving him deeply was his to receive only. Enough is enough…silence isn’t my birthright. It’s hard not to accept something when nothing seems offered, yet I cling to truth of who I am and who’s I am and why I am holding on.

I wrote this blog a few months ago and it seems terrifying to post…yet I’m choosing another opportunity to swim in the joyful deepend! It’s deep but oh so worth it!

[everlastingspiral]

look, you're entitled to your own opinions, however contradictory they might be, but genuinely, i have got to ask: why do you watch/listen if you hate it that much? it seems you just have a blog for talking about how much you hate erik, the characters, the "statements," storylines, and more. why not just move on to something different?

the one thing i will add is the the caelum situation and the fred/bright situation were different, and anyone who witnessed both can see that. when fred and bright's controversy broke out, there were many insults to erik himself and his writing, personal attacks to him, whereas the caelum situation was completely removed from him. no one was attack him because of what was happening with the fictional character. does this mean that bullying and harassment was justified? no. but the situations each solicited a different response from the creator. you have to at least see that, right?

regardless, your point standing around your blog that "if you don't like it, don't read it" should be employed for your choice in listening to redacted. if all you're going to do is complain and hold erik accountable for his "sins," then just listen to someone else. i'd be happy to give you recommendations, but all you're doing is just spewing hatefulness that it generally unjustified (and i agree with some of your takes, while saying that). please, find a different hobby.

Ah yes, just what I needed after a bad day. A holier than thou anon.

Look, while I appreciate your fake concern, next time just cry and say you hate someone criticizing your favorite creator eh? You’re already hiding behind the anon mask. Might as well be honest.

To touch on each of your points here:

Enlighten me as to what makes you think I still listen to the content of his that I hate? I don’t sit here being spoon-fed like the majority of the fandom. There are parts of his work I do genuinely enjoy otherwise I wouldn’t be here. Outside of some of my more minor complaints like Milo’s, most of what is on that list I’ve already dropped a while ago. Not that there’s even been any plot to consume or complain about in months but still. I apologize that I’m a complex human being with my own thoughts and not a generic children’s cartoon you can easily pick apart.

Now I don’t remember Redacted receiving personal attacks, but maybe that was because I was trying to tune out that insanity. What I saw more often were people in the fandom attacking each other and arguing their points on the situation. Yes, I do see the difference between the two situations, and I compared the two in severity. What exactly is your point in bringing this up, anon? If you’re afraid of Caelum disappearing from the channel, or otherwise never getting another video, you have only the close-minded fools in the fandom to be angry with. I had nothing to do with that drama escalating and in fact I tried to stop it. As far as Redacted goes, that’s just fandom behavior and he’ll have to deal with it. No, that still doesn’t make all the harassment and direct attacks okay, but that’s what a fandom can turn into unfortunately. If he wants to build up a large fanbase he’s going to have to buck up and hold his ground.

If you don’t like my blog, don’t read it anon. I keep the majority of my posts out of the tags for a reason because this is mostly a vent blog. If you find a post that is tagged where I’ve begun a discussion and continued reading, that’s on you. If you found my posts on another blog and chose to read them and choose to search for more, that’s on you. Unlike you and several others, I don’t act like every single bit of fan content in this fandom is curated for my tastes and find no need to consume it all. I’m not going to mince words on posts I create specifically for myself either. You don’t like criticism? You don’t like how harsh I come across? Don’t come on my blog.

We could go back and forth all day about my choice to listen to Redacted and your choice to waste your time preaching to me about what I do with my time on my own blog, but I don’t care to deal with you after this response.

Just to humor you a little more, I also have no idea what makes you think I don’t follow other creators either. Of course I do. Woefully for you, your pleas to rid of me have fallen on uninterested ears so I’m afraid you’ll have to find a new blog to virtue-signal to. Go tell all your comrades how much of a terrible asshole I am, lurking in a hateful corner and minding my own hateful business. Meanwhile I’ll be doing just that. Have fun.

[thankskenpenders]

Updates on the Boingkid shit (go read the previous post if you have no idea what I’m talking about) because yes he is still at it:

1. People (myself included) have wondered why the creator of Boingkid would only be taking issue with Belle’s design now, in the form of Twitter DMCAs, when she’s been in the comics for almost two years at this point. Why not go to IDW directly, and why not do so sooner? Well, here are some responses:

“We did from time to time because we were busy with other projects. We sent an email and got a response from IDW's secretary and she insist to know the details of what we want to share with the CEO. Despite the gut feeling we shared the potential of illegal action & get blocked.”

“We did not write even a single line about this publicly, until one of the IDW artists cry out that Twitter has accepted the claim. Then after that upon fans reach out we shared what happened. We tolerated this for 2 years as Belle was just a spinoff but they continue to bring her“

So, yeah. He’s supposedly believed this the whole time, but IDW ignored him because of course they did. (Lord knows how, exactly, he tried to contact them in the first place, or if he even sent his pitch to the right email.) It was Jen Hernandez publicly calling him out over the DMCA on Twitter that was the last straw, and now he’s making this extremely public in retaliation

2. He now seems to be demanding that IDW simply alter Belle’s face “to avoid any resemblance to other copyrighted work in US.” This would be reasonable if he had a case, but, again, he did not invent the concept of a character having a clown nose and freckles

3. I previously said the guy was from Italy (both his ArtStation account and the unsuccessful Kickstarter for the Boingkid game have their locations set as Rome, and the demo was shown at an expo in Rome), but people dug up the copyright registration for Boingkid and found out that he’s originally from Iran. Either way, t’s likely that a language barrier is part of the confusion here, as his English isn’t the best (although it’s certainly readable)

4. Much of his case, as he presents it on Twitter, is predicated on Twitter support believing him when he filed his DMCA claims. This obviously doesn’t hold any water as social media companies accept false DMCA claims all the goddamn time due to the inherently flawed nature of the law, but his fundamental misunderstanding of how this system works may be partially due to that language barrier

5. People keep comparing this guy to Penders. I just want everyone to understand that, even with his outlandish claims about Julie-Su and Shade being legally the same character and things like that, even Penders has waaaaaaay more to back up his  argument there than Boingkid guy has against Belle. Penders worked on Sonic for 13 years and the BioWare team literally said they were inspired by the comics. Boingkid guy is just some fucking guy no one’s heard of who allegedly got ghosted on a pitch to IDW. There’s no reason to believe that Evan even knew who he was before Friday

6. There’s a lot of question about the guy’s motives. Whether he actually believes this, or if it’s just a publicity stunt. I don’t think there’s any reason it can’t be both. He absolutely seems to believe his claim, at least to some extent, but he also seems to be relishing the attention

I feel cynical for saying this, but like. The guy’s been trying to make Boingkid a thing for years. The Kickstarter in 2017 only got nine backers for a total of $667 against a $53,000 goal. The team moved to a Patreon page which is now all but dead. If we believe his claim that he pitched the comics to IDW, that went nowhere. The demo for the game got a few positive previews, but as a dev myself believe me when I say that in this day and age a few blog posts are not enough to move the needle on their own. Again, I sympathize with the guy on that level, because he’s a good artist and GOD is it hard to make it out there even when you’re giving it your all. But this controversy is by far the most attention Boingkid as a brand has ever gotten. Thousands upon thousands of quote tweets for an account that had 150 followers at the start of this, and that follower count has only been going up. As they say, any press is good press. It’s hard not to look at that and assume the worst. If he had actually designed a character that was much more similar to Belle, or if I believed even for a second that Evan was the type of person who would plagiarize someone else’s work like that, then this would be different. But when the argument is so flimsy...?

I don’t believe he’s purely a troll, as some artists really are just like this. (Lord knows I’ve seen some people get in extremely heated feuds over superficial similarities between furry OCs and the like.) But at the same time, I do believe that at this point he’s acting in an intentionally incendiary way to get attention. Whether it’s a desperate attempt to drive attention to the Boingkid IP after years of floundering, or it’s purely to try and get IDW to respond to a genuine plagiarism claim and right a perceived wrong and nothing else, I can’t say. It’s quite likely a mixture of both, though

But either way, this whole situation continues to suck. I hope this is resolved soon. Belle’s a great character, and Evan, Jen, and anyone else who just wants to draw Belle in peace doesn’t need this hanging over their head

[huge-enthusiast]

Miraculous fic recomendations!!

This is just an excuse to show all my bookmarks? Yes. Yes, it is. I'm pretty sure most of this fics are really popular, but try see if you find something you didn't knew about!

All of the fics will be rated Teen and up audiences or lower. Also if I don't put the author's tumblr is because they didn't put it in the fic or/and I couldn't find it.

Pairing: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

knowing you by emsylcatac (they are not really the author of the fic but that's the account that says in the fic, the actual author doesn't have an account).

After dropping their transformations months ago, Marinette and Adrien see each other for the first time after being apart. They've both left too much unsaid and have to work to pick up the pieces of their confused hearts.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal but mostly ladynoir, light angst with happy ending.

the last day on earth by Reiaji

The first time Marinette sees Chat Blanc, she's fourteen years old. The second time, fifteen—the third time, seventeen.

The closer she grows to Adrien, the harder it is to save him.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal lovesquare, kinda heavy angst, hopeful ending.

tell me something i don't know by carpisuns (@carpisuns here on tumblr)

Do you think it still means something? To love someone, even if the universe said you had to?

The odds of having a soulmate are about negative one billion (or something like that). But somehow, like they always have, Marinette and Chat Noir find themselves together. They’re ready to finally tell each other everything, but it turns out that even soulmates have to keep secrets, and while their bond draws them together, duty forces them apart.

Chapters: currently 17/28 (WIPs can be exhausting but this one is 100% worth the wait!)

Mostly marichat but almost all of the lovesquare sides make an appearance, soulmates au, mostly fluff but it can get angsty if it wants to.

One Thing After Another by SKayLanphear

Marinette notices that, sometimes, Adrien acts a little out of the ordinary--like the time he stood in a cardboard box for no reason, or when he actually hissed at Nino. It's only when she starts to notice the similarities between Adrien and a certain feline that she begins to get suspicious.

Basically, Adrien acts like a cat when he probably shouldn't.

Chapters: 15/15

Mostly adrienette with one sided reveal by Marinette's side, miraculous side effects (by both sides wich is really cool!), it's fluff with a lil tiny angst for drama.

This would take some getting used to by Codango (@codango here on tumblr!)

Adrien peeked out from behind the chimney even as the magic of his own Chat Noir mask fell away.

She was still visible, her dark hair bobbing under the street lamps a couple blocks away.

“Marinette.”

Adrien blew out a confused breath. His fiery Ladybug… was the quiet little mouse who sat behind him in class?

“What. The.”

This… would take some getting used to.

Chapters: 8/8

Adrienette with one sided reveal by Adrien's part, awkward flirting, just fluff, nothing to worry about.

comfort food also by Reiaji!

In Marinette's house, cooking is a language of love, and Marinette loves Adrien more than most.

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette with a little of ladynoir, super super fluff, a lot of insight into Marinette's chinese heritage.

The right side of his face by walkingonthestars (@hamsternamedmarinette here on tumblr!)

Marinette and Adrien are able to remain in their new seats in the back of the room at the end of Chameleon.

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette, fluff with light angst.

it's a long way forward so trust in me by aloneintherain (@captainkirkk here on tumblr!)

“You’re not the only strong one around here, Chat,” Marinette said. She looked a little winded, but she wasn’t struggling to hold him up.

This close up, he could see the freckles on the bridge of her nose. He could see how that smug smile lit up her eyes. He could feel the strain of her arms—and wow, okay, he really wasn’t the only person around here with muscles.

Six times Marinette carried Adrien (plus one time he carried her).

Chapters: 1/1

All the sides of the lovesquare! Fluff with LOTS of mutual pining.

a fight that you were born to lose also by aloneintherain

When the prosecution starts throwing around the word victim in reference to Adrien, he has to stuff his hands under his thighs to keep himself from bolting out of the courtroom.

Adrien had felt unsafe during those last few weeks, but, until he had woken up and seen Father silhouetted in his bedroom doorway, that had only been paranoia. Father was controlling and cold, but he wasn’t hateful. Adrien was isolated. He was often hungry. And some weeks ago, when he had snuck out to visit Nino, sitting thigh-to-thigh on his bed while Adrien cried in that silent, crumbling way of his, he hadn’t argued when Nino put a hand on his shoulder and said, tentatively, That’s abuse.

But Adrien remembers being small and Father touching his hair after he’d aced another test; Father holding his scribbled drawings like they were something precious, and framing them around his office; Father, dressed as Hawkmoth, his eyes wild behind the mask, lashing his sword against Adrien’s baton; Father, collapsed against Mum, crying into her ashy hair.

Adrien finds out Gabriel is Hawkmoth, and Gabriel gets to bring his long-waited plan into action.

Chapters: 1/1

This one doesn't really focus in the ship that much as is an Adrien character study and an exploration of his relationship with his father, but they're still there so I put them here. Really heavy angst (this is one of this fics that haunt me in the middle of the night) with a happy ending. ❗TW: parental abuse, eating disorders❗

Supercut by LNC

Marinette loves her friends and Adrien can't deal.

Chapters: 1/1

Post-reveal lovesquare, again light angst, an exploration of Adrien's insecurities, Marinette Dupain-Cheng deserves the world, happy ending.

Madame Snare by jettiebettie

“Sounds like a lot of work for nothing. She should take this as a sign to have a relaxing weekend with no responsibilities.”

“It's a lot of work she put her whole heart into. It wouldn't be right for it to go to waste,” Adrien whispers to him. The look on Marinette's face is enough to cause Adrien's own heart to ache. If anyone deserves the satisfaction and pride from a job well done, it's her.

“Too bad there isn't anyone else who can walk in those death traps,” Plagg says. Adrien hums in thought, tapping his chin.

“I could.”

Chapters: 1/1

Marichat, episode-based, Chat Noir in a dress!!!, light angst but it's mostly just idiots being idiots and a lot of fun.

in the same sun by peachcitt (@peachcitt here on tumblr!)

"It’s hard to believe that I saw you last at the peak of summer, when the sun was close and warm - and so were you. It should go without saying that I miss you. I miss you something terrible."

//

"It’s been seven months to the day since I’ve seen you. I wish you were here more than anything else."

Two letters, signed with initials instead of names, found in Paris, France.

Chapters: 1/1

Ladynoir, just angst, that's it, written like letters. No ending, just pain.

an uncurtain discovery by Missnoodles (@ladyofthenoodle here on tumblr!)

When he returns from school on Wednesday afternoon, Adrien discovers the darkness in his own home. He struggles to come to terms with it. To his utter mortification and delight, Ladybug is nearby to rescue him.

(He does not discover that his father is supervillain. That will happen on a different Wednesday.)

Chapters: 1/1

Ladrien, it says it's crack, and don't get me wrong, is super funny, but I also found it sad as fuck?

An Open Secret by Kasienda

Adrien whirled around toward Marinette. She smiled at him.

He couldn’t smile back. He stared at her like the dumb blond model that he was often accused of being.

Something shifted in her expression. And her warm open Marinette smile transformed into Ladybug’s grin. He was looking at Ladybug right now.

He knew Ladybug’s name!

Her name was Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

And he couldn’t say anything! Not to Marinette! Not even to Plagg, who had confided two weeks prior that Master Fu was growing increasingly paranoid since the location of his home and hideout had been compromised. Their master had apparently decided that Chat Noir and Ladybug would have to give up their miraculouses if they ever discovered each other’s identities.

It wasn’t fair!

...

A fic where they both know, but can't openly talk about it.

Chapters: 4/4

Post-reveal... but is it? Mostly adrienette and ladynoir, fluff with light angst and them being absolute idiots at hiding their secret identity.

golden (like daylight) by okayanna (@anna-scribbles here on tumblr!)

Friendship, Adrien decided, shaking off the mental image of Marinette’s hurricane eyes and hesitant mouth, parted in a small, careful “o.” He had a very strong friendship with Marinette. That was all.

or

Adrien thinks a lot about words, love, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Chapters: 1 + epilogue

Adrienette but has lots of ladynoir, another Adrien character study because I hate myself, it tries to not be angst but the writing will punch you in the guts and make you cry, it's so good.

Strangers in the Bright Lights by poodles (@ladybeug here on tumblr!)

Adrien is about two drinks in when he sees a girl at the end of the bar wearing black cat ears. It's kind of weird, so he watches her, and although it's crowded he can see her face when she turns around. She’s wearing a Chat Noir mask. He takes a quick look around- nobody else is wearing a mask. Just her.

Adrien finishes his gin martini and heads over to her. He could use some company tonight anyways, he hasn’t told anyone he’s back in Paris and Nathalie won’t arrive in town for another month. And it’s been a rough day, okay? A rough move! He’s not sure he wants to be back yet, and he spent most of the day in the Agreste mansion sorting through some photographs of his father he found in the study. Maybe he wants a drink and some stranger to tell him he’s pretty! That’s not a crime, is it?

Chapters: 1/1

Adrienette but it's also ladrien??? I think??? It's super super angsty but they're both drunk the entirety of the fic so it's also really funny.

Pick-Up and Chase by also SKayLanphear

After she accidentally trips into Adrien and apologizes about "falling for him," Marinette learns that he's no match for cheesy pick-up lines--whether they were unintended or not. And while she finds it flattering that he turns into a flustered mess with only a few words, Marinette comes to regret making him uncomfortable. That is, until she learns he's Chat Noir. At which point the phrase "just deserts" becomes a permanent fixture in her everyday plans.

A story in which Adrien is flustered, Marinette is smooth as glass at dropping lines, and Chat Noir gets the romance he was always asking for--even if he doesn't quite know how to handle it.

Chapters: 10/10

Adrienette with one sided reveal by Marinette's side, it doesn't say it in the tags but I'm pretty sure the characters are much older than they actually are in the show, so much fluff and so much flirting.

Pairing: Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe

Nino Has Done Nothing To Deserve This by GuardianKarenTerrier (@guardiankarenterrier here in tumblr)

It's nothing, really- just an innocent comment, a joke. But when they hear it, Nino and Alya come to a realisation.

There were, in retrospect, dozens upon dozens of hints. Now that they're suddenly aware of all their friend's flimsy excuses and rushed explanations, they're not only sure how they've missed it, they're not sure how anyone else has either. They realise that it had to be magic protecting their friends- and that same magic has ceased to work on the two of them.

Well, this means they'll just have to start watching over their friends themselves.

Chapters: 7/7

This is more a found family fic than anything else, Alya and Nino are the mom friend, has light angst but it's mostly identity shenanigans in the most bizarre way. ❗TW: eating disorders❗

christmas lights by demistories

Nino checks up and down the street, checking to make sure there’s no raging akuma headed his way before he crosses quickly and ducks inside the small café. He closes the door quickly before the icy air can blow inside and tugs his beanie down over his ears. He spots Alya sitting alone in the corner.

Chapters: 1/1

Just fluff!! Really short but really sweet.

hold on, i still want you also by Missnoodles!

Written for the @thedjwifizine ! Wich I also recommend if you wanna binge a lot of djwifi fics while also looking at amazing art!!!

Five times Alya ran into her ex, and the one time he stopped being her ex.

Chapters: 1/1

Light angst with a happy ending! I don't really like the ex-lovers to lovers trope but this one is the only exception.

I will continue to expand the list in the future! But by now I hope I was helpful in the search of new fics!

[storiesforallfandoms]

the only one for me ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1493

request?: yes!

“MGK Fluff ??”

description: the endless dating rumors regarding her boyfriend start to get to her

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, insecurities

masterlist (one, two)

Logging onto Twitter and seeing yet another dating rumor regarding my boyfriend and some famous, beautiful female was basically a daily routine at this point. It seemed to be nothing new, but that didn’t make it hurt any less every time I saw a new post about it.

The latest rumored lady to have “stolen Colson’s heart” was Megan Fox, who had starred in Colson’s latest music video. The article I was reading stated how much chemistry Colson and Megan had on set and how it was “so obvious” that they had a secret romance happening behind the scenes.

I wasn’t hurt because I believed the rumors. I trusted Colson. I knew he’d never cheat on me, but seeing all these beautiful women and seeing his fans and media outlets commenting on how cute he would look with someone else so much prettier than me really did nothing for my confidence.

I wasn’t famous, I was just your average girl who worked an average hob and went to school on the side. Due to this, Colson and I decided to keep our relationship a secret so I wouldn’t be harassed by paparazzi and fans. I appreciated the privacy I had been getting, but it did make it hard to see all these dating rumors.

This rumor got to me in a way the others hadn’t before and I had an overwhelming urge to call Colson. He was probably asleep or preparing for the show that night, but I needed to hear his voice.

I was shocked when he answered on the third ring. “Hey babe!”

I could hear a crowd on his end of the call. “Hey! What’s all the noise?”

“We’re celebrating before I go on stage.”

“Before?” I asked, teasingly. “What are you guys celebrating?”

“The Bloody Valentine video hit a million views in less than 24 hours! None of my videos have ever done that before, so we’re celebrating.”

“Oh my God, Colson that’s amazing! Congratulations!”

Someone called out to Colson on his end. I could hear him responding, but his response was muffled as I realized the voice was a female voice.

“Is that...is that Megan?” I asked.

“Yeah! We invited her since she’s the leading lady of the video.” Another comment was made by Megan, to which Colson said to me, “She says hi!”

I couldn’t respond. I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes and I was afraid Colson would hear my voice breaking if I spoke. Instead, I managed to squeak out a “gotta go” before hanging up.

~~~~~~

As I expected, there were articles published about the video celebration, specifically about Colson and Megan. A handful of pictures were taken outside wherever the celebration was taking place of Colson and Megan laughing as he puffed on a joint. The captions posted under this picture from numerous sites and fan pages were all the same: “look how cute Megan and Colson are!”

I had to go offline for a while because I was getting more upset than I had before.

It seemed like Colson didn’t notice as much as I did, so I never really brought the issue up. I didn’t want him to think he couldn’t be friends with women, or think of me as a jealous girlfriend or anything.

But I knew he could tell something was off. He kept trying to coax it out of me, but I wouldn’t budge. I figured he would grow tired of my refusal and would let it go. The last thing I expected was to come home from work one day and find Colson waiting for me in my apartment.

“Hey!” I said when I found him sat in my living room. “What are you doing here?”

“We have a few days before the next show, so I asked to come home before then,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you.”

The six worst words to ever hear. I felt my worry rise as I approached him and sat next to him on the couch.

“What’s on your mind lately?” he asked. “I know you keep saying it’s nothing, but I can tell it’s not nothing. I’m worried about you, babe. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

I looked down at my lap as I shrugged. “It’s nothing. Just work and school, I guess.”

“Is this about Megan?”

For some reason, hearing him say her name felt like I was being stabbed through the heart. I had to bite my lip to try and hold back my tears.

“When you hung up so suddenly during the video celebration, I realized something was up,” he said. “And then you started deleting your social media accounts, or making them private, and you were acting different. It all started that night. If it’s because we invited Megan to the party, I’m sorry if that upset you. There was no underlying meanings behind inviting her, it was just because she was in the video and we decided she should be at the celebration.”

“It’s not because she was there!” I finally snapped, unable to hold myself back. “I don’t care if you’re friends with Megan, or with any woman, but I do care that everyone thinks you’re dating every female who so much as breathes in your direction. And it really doesn’t help my self-esteem to see people saying how happy you look or how cute you’d look with someone who is, like, a million times prettier than me.”

“Babe, that’s not true,” he said. “I mean, I’ve seen the rumors about me and Megan, but it’s not all the women I’m friends with - ”

I laughed, humorlessly. “No, not all of them. Just Chantal and Noah and Ash and Sommer and now Megan. So no, not all of them, just most of them.”

I could see the gears turning in Colson’s head as he thought about it. Maybe he didn’t see the same stuff I did, maybe I just saw more because of how insecure it made me. But those rumors were there, and they had been nearly our entire relationship.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I never realized...I don’t attention to shit like that. I never thought much about the way I acted around my female friends.”

“You treat them the way you treat the boys,” I said. “I’ve seen how you are with Ash, the two of you are just friends. But people don’t believe that men and women can just be friends so when they see men and women acting as friends, they assume that means they’re dating. There’s nothing you can really do about it.”

Colson put a hand on mine and gave it a squeeze. “You don’t believe any of that shit though, right? You know it’s all media bullshit.”

I nodded. “Yeah, of course I do. I know you’d never cheat on me. I trust you so much.”

“And you can’t possibly believe that they’re any more beautiful than you are.”

I chuckled. “Okay, that one I can’t agree to considering the person you’re currently in a dating rumor with is Megan fucking Fox. I mean, have you seen her? She’s the most beautiful woman in the world!”

“Not to me she’s not.”

I looked away from him again, feeling my cheeks heat up and a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. “You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I do.” I felt his finger gently touch my chin, lifting my head so I would look at him. “(Y/N), I hope you know you mean the world to me. You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and you own my heart. You’re the only one for me and I love you more than words could ever say. I’m sorry you’ve had to witness all these stupid rumors, and I’m sorry I never noticed them so I could assure you of all of this sooner. But I mean it, you’re everything to me. I love you so much.”

The tears I had been holding back for so long finally started to fall down my cheeks. I awkwardly laughed as I tried to wipe them away, but they just kept coming. “That was so cliche.”

“You loved it, though.”

“I love you, that’s a whole different thing.”

Colson smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. Warmth filled me as my lips touched his, and it was just another reminder that he was mine. I ran my hand through his hair and leaned into him until we were both laying back on the couch.

When we finally managed to pull away from one another, Colson rested his forehead on mine. “Did you have any other plans today?”

I shook my head.

“Good, because I don’t intend on letting you leave this apartment any time soon.”

He wrapped me into a tight cuddle, and I gladly accepted these plans he had made for us.

[unwrittenlibrary]

be still my foolish heart (don’t ruin this on me)

Summary: bucky barnes doesn’t have very many people left in his life who care, but he has you... or; five times you and bucky show your love & the one time you finally say it. (bucky x fem!reader)

Words: 4.3K

Warnings: fluff & pining. no major spoilers of tfatws. 

Notes: hi! i was going to try and maintain separate accounts to keep my writing organized, but i am lazy and can’t switch back and forth all the time. so! here’s to me now being a multific blog! i hope this does not upset my current followers (and maybe brings some new ones in) this was originally posted my ao3 . happy reading! 

I.

You’re the only person who calls him James. It fluctuates between Buck and James, but either way, you’re the only person allowed to call him either.

He thinks his name just sounds so pretty coming from your mouth. He doesn’t want to hear anything else. Doesn’t really want you to call him Bucky because then it won’t sound right when anybody else does.

So you’re the only person that calls him James. The only person he lets call him James.

“James.” You say softly as he falls onto your couch. He’s got a black eye and a busted lip and he knows there’s nothing he can say to quell your worry. So he settles with a smile that causes a wince that makes you let out a breathless laugh. “I told you to be more careful.”

You sit on your coffee table across from him and lean forward with the washcloth in your hand. His eyes fall to his lap and he nods. “You should see the other guy.”

You shake your head tensely as you gently wipe at the dried blood carefully to avoid the bruise still forming. “James. I’m serious. You’re not invincible.” He raises an eyebrow and you sigh. “You may be a super soldier, but you can still get hurt. I hate seeing you hurt.”

You lean back and drop the cloth onto the table next to you. “I know, doll.” You shake your head at the nickname and he smiles. You had told him you thought it was corny, but as long as you called him James, he would call you doll.

And he knew you secretly liked the nickname.

The same way you knew he secretly liked to hear his name when you said it.

“I have some vaseline in the bathroom. We can put it on your lip and then you need to get some sleep.” You pull him by his hand down your hall.

He glances out the window of your bedroom before you pull him into the bathroom. “I don’t need to sleep, the sun is still out.” He says quietly as you search through your cabinet.

You look up sharply. “You need sleep. I’ll be right here, okay?” You stand up straight and lift some vaseline with a q-tip. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.” Your eyes focus in as you gently apply the vaseline to Bucky’s lip.

He has to force himself not to smile. The cut will be gone by tomorrow and this will have been all for naught as it won’t affect how it heals. He appreciates the comfort it gives him. He relishes in the warmth that came with your care and love for your friends.

You step away with a proud smile. “I think I’m supposed to do the protecting, doll.” He says quietly. He desperately wants to reach his hands out and settle them on your waist.

Feel the warmth through your worn out sweatshirt and pull you close. But he doesn’t, afraid of something but unsure of what exactly, so he smiles graciously.

“We protect each other, James. In different ways.” You say just as quietly.

It’s all Bucky needs to get a couple comfortable hours of sleep in your room.

II.

He calls you every night. Or at least he tries to when he’s not in DC. Sometimes they’re so busy he doesn’t get the chance.

Tonight was one of those nights. He stares desperately down at his phone, urging the time to change so it was earlier in the night. He couldn’t call now. Not in the middle of the night when he knew you were asleep.

“You gonna go to bed?” Sam asks quietly from his spot in the living room. He’s been sitting silently with Bucky since they returned to the hotel, but Bucky could tell he was exhausted.

Bucky nods. “I’ll sleep out here.” He says quietly and unwilling to claim a bed. He couldn’t sleep in one for a full night, he could barely nap in yours when you forced him to rest.

Sam frowns and they both know he understands Bucky’s fear of the too big and too soft bed sitting empty in the other room. But the man nods before disappearing into his room and shutting the door behind him.

Bucky rests his head against the back of the couch and begins to take deep breaths. His phone vibrates in his hand and his eyes widen when he sees your name flash across the screen.

He doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Doll? What’s got you up so late?”

You laugh quietly. “Just knew you needed me.” You say after a moment of silence. “We’ve got that telepathy. I know things.”

Bucky laughs softly. “Yeah? You just knew?” He finds himself believing your words, even though he knows the more likely scenario is that you couldn’t sleep either.

You sigh into the phone and Bucky shuts his eyes again. “Sam texted me, but I was already awake. I switched shifts with the night nurse today, so I’ll be awake all night.”

“You know you don’t have to call when you’re at work.” Bucky says quietly. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

You laugh. “I have a few minutes to myself while the other nurse mans the station. Most of the kids are asleep, so I can spare some time for you. Especially when you need me.”

Bucky nods for a second before realizing you wouldn’t be able to see it. “Thank you.”

“What’s wrong, James?” You ask in a whisper. He listens for a moment as you take a sip of something, probably your water, before deciding to answer.

“This is longer than I thought I’d be gone…” He trails off. Him and Sam were originally only supposed to be in New York for a few days, a week tops, but this mission had dragged on and it had already been almost two weeks. “I…” He trails off.

He missed home. Something he’d never thought he’d think of DC as. Brooklyn had been his home and he was only a bridge away. Brooklyn had been his home. Steve. Wakanda for a short period of time.

But Steve was gone. And he was no longer recovering under the Wakandans graceful care. Brooklyn was a distant memory and DC… Well DC had you. And at some point you had become home for him.

“I know.” You say quietly, like you understand his silence. You do, he supposes. You understand almost every part of him. You understand that he missed you and home , but that he still struggles to admit his feelings. “I miss you too, James.”

He doesn’t say anything in response, but he doesn’t really have a chance to. He hears a siren in the background then you rush out, “Shit. I have to go!” Then all that’s there is a dial tone. Bucky smiles though. You’re off to be a different kind of hero.

He sits in silence and lets your words wash over him. It was new having all these people who cared about him. Decades all alone and treated as a weapon made learning to let people in again a new kind of difficult.

But it didn’t feel as hard with you there to help, he thinks

III.

He has to force himself to keep his eyes open. His nightmares had been particularly awful this week, and now he was sitting beside your heavily asleep body.

He was stuck staring at the repeating trailer on the netflix screen. Logically, he knows he could close his eyes and rest his head against yours on his shoulder.

But he was terrified a nightmare would take over and he would wake you up with a jolt, or worse hurt you if it was particularly awful.  

So, he forces himself to stay awake and watches the movie trailer again. He thinks you would like the movie.

“Buck.” You mutter tiredly. His eyes snap to you and he finds your eyes open and staring up at him. “Aren’t you tired?”

He shakes his head gently, careful to not move you. You narrow your eyes and slowly sit up. “Come on, let’s go to bed. You can stay here tonight.”

Bucky hesitates as you stand. He watches as you stretch your entire body and has to force his eyes to his lap when your shirt rides up and your stomach shows.

He had never spent the night at your place. He had spent all day. Even napped at your place often when he came over in the afternoon and you forced him to rest.

He always left before you went to sleep though. So he could suffer through his dreams on his own. So he didn’t drag you down.

You look down at him with soft eyes. “Grab some water. I’ll be in my room, okay?”

“I can go home. I don’t want to intrude.” He answers. Bucky looks out your window and sees just how dark and dead the streets outside were. It wasn’t like he had anything to worry about walking home.

You’re shaking your head before he can even finish. “It’s late and you’re tired, I don’t want you getting hurt. Stay here.” The words are quiet but hold a fierceness that Bucky knows not to argue against.

He nods. “I’m gonna grab some water then.” The nerves coiling around his stomach is almost worth it when your face lights up and you nod excitedly.

The two of you split up in the hall. You moving towards your bedroom and him into the kitchen. After pouring a glass of water, he stands still for a moment and just studies the room.

Your counter is crowded. Different appliances pushed against the wall, ready to be pulled out and plugged in whenever you wanted. A utensil holder stuffed to the brim with spoons and spatulas that seemed to keep appearing. Mail piling up on the counter. A scrub top draped over the back of one of your barstools.

Your kitchen was crowded, but lived in and so very you that Bucky loved it. He loved you, he thinks almost hesitantly.

He pushes the thought to the back of his mind when you call his name out. He knew he cared about you deeply and he loved you as a friend but this feeling in his chest and the speed of his heartbeat makes him think maybe he’s started to feel more. Or maybe he always has.

He doesn’t want to ruin this though. So he pushes the thought away and makes his way towards your room. “I can sleep on the…” His words die on his tongue when he sees the small set up of blankets and pillows beside your bed.

You’re watching him nervously as you try to gauge his reaction. Bucky is stuck standing in stunned silence as he looks it over.

You’ve pulled out a thin duvet and placed it on the ground with extra pillows and blankets for him to lay on. “I remember Sam mentioning soldiers have a tough time sleeping through the night in a bed. Obviously you can sleep in the bed if you want but I just figured that…” You trail off and gesture towards the makeshift bed with a small flourish.

“This is…” He trails off. The warmth in his chest grows with each passing second and his heart races. “Thank you. This is perfect.”

A smile spreads across your face. “Good. Good. I was… I’m glad. And I’m right here if you need me. To protect you.” You say with a teasing glance as you crawl into the bed.

You lay on the side closest to where you’ve set up the floor for him. He laughs softly before moving towards his own space.

He’s still nervous to sleep in the same room. Still feels a little self conscious as he lays his head on the pillow and pulls the light blanket over him. But you don’t seem to really mind his presence as you make yourself comfortable above him.

He takes a deep breath. He definitely loved you.

And things like this gave him hope that you did, or maybe could, love him too.

Later that night he jolts awake with heavy breaths and you look down at him with worried eyes. He shakes his head when you open your mouth not wanting to talk about the dream.

It’s the same thing every time. People that he hurt who didn’t deserve it. The pain of his memories being erased. And he doesn’t want to weigh you down with his trauma anymore than he already has.

You watch him for a moment before nodding silently. Bucky thinks that’s the end of it but he’s shocked when your hand falls off the side of the bed palm open.

He glances up at you and you smile gently but say nothing. He reaches his right hand up and interlocks his fingers with yours.

It’s a little awkward and his arm tenses after a few minutes but it’s far too comforting for him to want to let go. Your hand tightens in his and Bucky finds it easier to fall asleep his hand intertwined with yours.

IV.

Bucky felt awkward in the hospital. He felt too hard and intimidating to be standing in the center of the pediatric ward waiting for you in your teddy bear scrub top and white bottoms.

“Excuse me?” He glances down when he feels a tug on his hand. There’s a young boy standing in front of him with wide eyes. “You’re friends with Captain America?”

Bucky hesitates for a moment before answering. “Yes.” He settles on saying as gently as he can.

He glances around in search of you. He had texted you when he arrived at the hospital and you had responded with a thumbs up, but he was assuming you had gotten busy in the time in between.

The boy squeals excitedly. “Is he here too? Can I meet him?”

Bucky shakes his head softly and kneels to be at eye level with the boy. “He’s home with his family.” When his eyes begin to water and his lip pouts, Bucky begins to panic. “But! I’m sure he’d love to visit soon! I can bring him! What’s your name?”

“Riley!” He looks up at the sound of your voice. A large smile spreads across your face at the sight of Bucky kneeling before the kid.  You say something to the nurse beside you before rushing down the hall towards them.

“Riley.” You place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing out of bed? You’re supposed to be in bed.” You look down with imploring eyes and the young boy looks away with an embarrassed smile.

“But! It’s Bucky! He’s Captain America’s sidekick.” Bucky’s mouth falls open in shock at the boy's statement.

“Sidekick?” Bucky asks in an offended tone. “Well-“ He cuts himself off when you look at him with exasperated eyes.

“And he said he would bring Captain America in! To meet me!” The boy's excitement obviously leaves him ignorant of Bucky's offense at being called a sidekick.

“And I’m sure he will. But right now you should be in bed.” You say sternly. The boy nods dejectedly and allows you to lead him back into his room.

When you come back out a large smile spreads across your face at the sight of Bucky standing and wiping his hand against his pants.

He can’t help but reciprocate the same large smile. He drops the bag in his hand on the counter beside him and opens his arms as you slam into him with your arms around his waist.

“Thank you so much! I thought my night was ruined!” You pull away but don’t let go as you smile up at him. “We can eat in the cafeteria.”

You grab the bag before he gets the chance to. You turn to the nurse that was sitting and going through charts next to you and with a big grin say, “Page me if you need me, I’ll be in the cafeteria!”

The woman nods with a soft laugh before looking down at the computer. You take Bucky’s hand in yours and begin to pull him towards the elevator.

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. I know hospitals aren’t your thing.” You say quietly as the two of you step in. You lean away and press the two button.

Bucky thinks for a moment that you’re going to let go of his hand now that you’re not leading him anywhere but you don’t. Bucky smiles at the thought of this becoming a normal occurrence.

Your hand just felt right in his.

“Anything for you, doll.” He says quietly. He glances at you quickly before looking back at the descending numbers. “You’re my best girl.”

You nudge him with your shoulder as you laugh quietly. “That sounds like a line right out of the forties.”

Heat rises to Bucky’s cheeks but he laughs along. “You can take the man out of the forties but you can't take the forties out of the man.”

The two of you look at each other before you both burst out laughing. When the elevator stops on your designated floor you pull him out with you.

“As long as I get to be on the end of all that forties charm, I don’t mind a bit.” You lean into his side and smile brightly.

Bucky looks away as his cheeks turn an even brighter red. You giggle quietly when he looks back down at you. “Yeah. It’s always you at the end of it.”

The two of you look at each other for a moment before you pull him into a crowded cafeteria. “Let’s eat before I’m paged back to my floor.”

V.

Bucky had grown more comfortable around you the longer you knew each other, but he still struggled to be fully comfortable with his arm.

It was a different arm, Steve had said once what felt like forever ago. He had rationalized with Bucky. His other arm had been attached to him and forced on him as a weapon. This arm had been made for him with peace in mind. It was untarnished. Mostly.

But a different arm didn’t change much for him. He had still caused so much pain with it. Was it really that different at all? His arm had always and will always be looked at as a weapon.

So he still wore long sleeves and a glove most of the time. Rarely let you see his biggest shame. You usually didn’t push. Sat on his right side. Held his right hand. You rarely said anything about it, it was almost like it didn't exist.

But, curiosity won out sometimes.

“Why won’t you let me see your arm?” You ask quietly one night. He’s sitting on one of your bar stools as you mix a pasta sauce in front of him.

It had been silent most of the night. You insisted on cooking your famous (at least that’s what you called it) pasta dish after not seeing him for a few days as a welcome home.  

Bucky looks up at you with shocked eyes. You had never mentioned wanting to see his arm. He had assumed you didn’t want to.

“I… I don’t know.” He says quietly. He taps his fingers, his flesh fingers, against the counter top nervously. You watch him with hopeful eyes waiting for a real answer to the question. “I guess it’s easy to pretend it’s not there when someone’s never really seen it.”

“Hm.” You mumble in response. You step away from the stovetop and move towards him. “Why would you want to pretend it doesn’t exist? It’s a part of you.”

Bucky looks down at the gloved hand in his lap. “Doll… It’s not… It’s an ugly part of me. Dark and violent. And when I’m with you I get to pretend I’m not that.”

You come to stand in front of him. “There are no ugly parts of you. There’s you. There’s dark and there’s hurt and traumatized parts, but no part of you is ugly. Because on the other end of those there’s bright and happy and healing. Growth. James Buchanan Barnes, I can’t emphasize how beautiful I think you are.”

You raise your hand to rest it against his cheek and force him to look up at you. He shuts his eyes and leans into it. “And I’d really like to see your arm. To know that part of you too, but I won’t make you show me. I want you to show me on your own time.”

Bucky lets himself relish in the softness of your hand against his cheek before leaning away. “Okay…” He takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

He begins to shrug out of his jacket when your hand comes to rest on his right shoulder. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I need you to know that.” You say quietly.

Bucky gives you a small smile. “I know… Doll, you’re the person I trust most in the world. I want you to know me. All of me.”

You smile down at him and take a step back to give him space. Bucky shrugs the jacket off quickly before he can second guess himself. The glove comes off next and Bucky feels strangely naked as your eyes trace over him.

“Buck…” You trail off. Your hand comes up before pausing. You look up at him with questioning eyes and he nods. Your hand comes to rest on his shoulder and you raise his sleeve up a tiny bit to look at the scars that litter his shoulder.

Bucky rarely looked at the scars there. Decades of the arm built by HYDRA had destroyed so much of his skin it had taken forever for Shuri to properly fix and build his new arm.

Your hand moves from his shoulder to the metal arm and your fingers trace over the plates and move through the lines of gold. You move your hand in silence. Slowly taking in the creation.

“This is beautiful.” You finally say quietly as your hand meets his. You interlock his metal fingers in yours and he pulls you closer. You look down at him with a sincere smile. “How could you ever think this is anything but beautiful?” You ask quietly.

Your other hand comes to rest on his cheek again. Bucky looks up at you and sees a flurry of emotions flicker in your eyes.

Part of him wants to pull you down and kiss you senseless. Show you how much he appreciates your never ending warmth.

But he can’t bring himself to ruin the moment. Finds that he doesn’t really want to. He enjoys being here intertwined with you.

And I.

He doesn’t hide his arm from you anymore. Finds himself shedding his jacket and gloves the second he’s inside your apartment.

You don’t really say anything, but he’s noticed the smile on your face whenever you notice him in his short sleeve shirt. He thinks one day he’ll be ready to go out without gloves on. He’ll wear short sleeves out in the summer instead of covering up with the jacket.

But now with you, it feels like progress enough.

You sit on his left most of the time now, like tonight, and hold his metal hand in yours like it’s flesh. It had taken some getting used to. He had flinched away the first time you’d done it, but now it felt almost like habit.

You didn’t seem to think leaning against his metal arm was uncomfortable at all. Never showed signs of discomfort when your head rested against his shoulder.

“I love you.” You say quietly. So quietly Bucky almost doesn’t hear it. He freezes for a moment before swallowing and nodding. He assumes you mean the words as a friend, he had heard you say them to Sam and your other friends from work.

“Me too.” He says just as quietly. He’s sure if he says the actual words you’ll see just how much he means them. How terribly in love with you he is.

But that doesn’t seem good enough because you sit up and place a gentle hand on his cheek that forces him to look you in the eyes.

“James, I love you.” You say the words with so much passion that Bucky knows without hesitation that you mean you’re in love with him. That you loved him as more than a friend.

Tears gather in his eyes as he nods. “I love you too, doll.” He laughs wetly as a smile spreads across your face. “God. I love you so fucking much it’s scary.”

You laugh too. “Good. I was so fucking scared. Buck, you’re my best friend. I… I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Bucky’s hand moves from his lap to your cheek before landing behind your neck. He pulls you in and when he kisses you and you kiss back he thinks he finally understands how much you love him.

Moments flash in his mind as you crawl onto his lap so you’re straddling him. Your constant patience with him. The gentle way you say his first name. The bright smiles and great excitement.

The ability to see the beauty in him.

You pull away with a deep breath and begin peppering kisses across his face. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” You say quietly.

Bucky shuts his eyes as he relishes in your affection. “I love you too.” He murmurs. You had become his home.

Somebody who could mend the crack caused by Steve’s departure. Different aspects of his life, yes, but you had helped him heal nonetheless.

He loved you.

And you loved him. You always had. It had just taken Bucky some time to understand how you showed it.