#i'm trying to teach myself to paint digitally

[akanemnon]

Last question before I once again leave you to rest and recuperate for the rest of the hiatus.

Do you know color theory by any chance?

(And if so, can you teach me some techniques…? /nf)

Your most recently posted piece is so amazing that I can’t even put it into words. It’s cool how you can switch between styles like that. However, I hope you’re taking of yourself in the process!

If there’s anything to learn from the anon attacks, it’s that even though some people unfortunately don’t see it, being an online influencer of any sort is more of a sacrifice than it looks, and it can the tiring to the creator when others don’t understand. Im not half as popular as you are and I too am starting to feel the effects of posting almost everyday for the sake of the fans.

You’re probably the first online artist I’ve been a BIG FAN of. Not just because of your AU, but because now I’m know I’m not the only easily anxious artist out there. You’ve really inspired me, and lots of other people too, but to keep up the good work, you have to make sure you’re also okay.

Take care!

- The Kogetai Kiddo.

I know some color theory in terms of creating designs. For painting, not so much. It's a pretty complicated subject to explain, so that might take quite a bit to get into...

And no worries, I am taking care of myself and take plenty of breaks in between when I'm getting too frustrated. As for the style thing; I like to try different things once in a while to prevent stagnation. I can switch between styles thanks to practice, but changing mediums does take some getting used to. Digital painting is not exactly something I'm that good at because I don't do it that often. It takes a lot of time and energy. But it's a good challenge.

Honestly, I don't want to be titled as an "influencer" or "content creator". I'm just some person who likes sharing their work and comics that people seem to like them a lot. I'm no authority figure and I don't like seeing myself as something greater than others just because of some numbers. Numbers don't mean anything. It's the person that matters. I just wanna make art, and if it happens to make people happy, I'm happy too. Still anxiety and internal pressure can make things hard. There IS that underlying feeling of having to perform and do well. Because those are your own standards. In the end, you are your own worst critic. Anxiety is the worst, and it's an endless struggle against it. But it's possible to live with it. At some point, taking a step back and realizing you need a break is the right call.

Hoping the best for you and all the other anxious artists out there!

And with that'll be off on my last few days of break. Asks are closed now. See you back on Sunday!

(Little teaser from the next page for good measure)

[alizalayne]

Your colors are always so dynamic and vibrant, as someone who struggles a lot with picking energetic color palettes and takes a lot of inspiration from yours, how do you do it if you don’t mind me asking? Is it just intuition?

Thank you! I'm self taught and I wish there was a very easy overall trick I could teach you, but the real answer was that I ran a webcomic for many years. It was 98% fully digital, but for a significant chunk of that webcomic I didn't allow myself to directly color pick from the previous page I'd colored before-- I forced myself to select every color by eye instead. This tuned my color perception dramatically so that if I see a color in front of me I can use a digital color wheel to find it by eye. It's a lot of work, but I'm glad I did it in the same way I'm glad that I finished a full length novel and a novella in high school. (No one but me has ever read these.) It forced me to learn by doing, which is usually best for me.

I think studying stills and, in the case of animation, color keys from movies you like would be a good way to get a grasp on color and especially on chiaroscuro; I usually think in terms of light/darkness and atmosphere rather than in terms of a strict color palette. Getting hung up on choosing a palette ahead of time and sticking to it can be limiting.

For vividness, also study subsurface scattering.

A quick improvement can be achieved by painting light by making the color beside the shadow the most saturated. Here’s an example stripped down to its most basic elements:

Do you see what I mean? If I were painting this for real it would be a little more subtle, but placing a more saturated area of color beside your shadow makes light more dimensional and shadows more deep. The overall effect is vibrancy.

The most important thing to do imo is paint what you want to paint, what you are excited to paint, and to research and study those subjects. If you love color and working in it satisfies you, then you will love studying color and light and the more you do it the more you will crave it. You will start to see light hitting the wood on a table and you will crave the chance to set one color against another. Light and darkness become delicious and painting becomes play. I don’t like going too long without painting or too long without testing myself by trying something new. Follow the lure of that fun wherever it takes you!! ☀️

[sonamytrash]

Cat and Mouse.

Levi has had enough of your little games.

Warnings: Fem reader, smut galore, a lot of filth, female anatomy described, public sex, sex, rough sex, vaginal fingering, vaginal penetration, creampie, dirty talk, name calling, teasing, anal fingering, an@l sex, an@l creampie. Not beta read.

AN: MDNI. I don't know what to say for myself. Read the warnings. Enjoy.

The scent of old books and dust wafted through the air, mixing with the sweet aroma of coffee brewing nearby. The library at the scouting headquarters was usually a peaceful haven, but today, it wasn't. Today you were there.

Levi steps behind you quietly, his usually light footsteps making no sound. He presses his body to yours and takes a deep breath, inhaling the scent of you. He speaks softly, "You're avoiding me, Why is that?" His hand trailing circles gently at your waist.

"You're such a needy little thing, aren't you?" You teased, pressing against him.

He growled low in his throat, gripping you tightly. "Don't push your luck, sweetheart,"

He presses his hardening erection against you, pinning you to the bookshelf as he breathes you in. One hand slides down over your hip, the other trails up over your breast, cupping it gently before tweaking your nipple through your blouse. He pulls you tighter against him, pressing his lips to your ear.

"I'm not here to play your little game of cat and mouse." He states firmly.

As you felt his fingers slide under your skirt, tracing a path up your thigh, you arch your back, unable to control the response he is getting from your body.

He hikes your skirt up, exposing your plump ass and panties. He can feel the wetness pooled between your legs already, and it only makes him bolder. Running his fingers over the fabric before pulling them aside, exposing your already swollen clit.

"You're so wet," he says, his voice rough with lust "Fucking drenched." You can't see his face but you know there's a smirk painted accross his lips.

His words only served to heighten ypur arousal, and you can't help but grind your hips against his hand, wanting more.

"Mmm Levi...." You hum, closing your eyes, willing yourself to remain steady, trying not to make a sound that would give you away.

The feeling of being so exposed, so vulnerable in this quiet, austere place, only heightened your arousal. You bite your lip, trying to stifle a moan as his fingers dipped lower, teasing your folds.

"And to think," he whispered, "I thought you were the one trying to teach me a lesson."

"A-ah..." you stammered, your voice shaking. "L-Levi, we should..."

He cut you off with a chuckle, his lips trailing down your neck. "We should what, y/n?" His finger teasing your slit, you gasp as your knees threaten to buckle beneath you. "Do you want me to stop?"

You know you should, but you can't find the words to tell him to. Instead, you arch your back further pressing your aching core against his hand. He groans, "Good girl."

He pumps his finger in and out of you, the pace increasing with each stroke before adding a second digit. His fingers move in a rhythm that makes you see stars.

You felt a shiver run down your spine as he moved his fingers faster, circling your clit with his thumb, applying just the right amount of pressure.

He can feel your body trembling against his as you get closer to your release. He leans into your ear, "Cum for me."

You feel a shudder run through your body, and with a cry that was equal parts relief and desperation you cum. He holds you tightly, his fingers never ceasing their motion. Feeling your warm juices flow out of onto his hand. He rubs your clit gently while his fingers continue to thrust inside you, prolonging your orgasm. He can feel your body shuddering against his as you ride out your high, your moans muffled by your hand.

He grinds his hips against yours, his hard cock pulsing with need. "Do you want more? Do you want me to fuck you right here?" he growls into your ear. He awaits your reply, his other hand gripping your hip tightly.

You nod, still desperately trying to control the volume of your voice. Of all the places he could choose to do this, here you are in the library, pressed against a bookshelf with a dripping wet cunt, ready to take your captain's cock.

He pulls your panties down your legs and steps back, unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants, glancing around the area to ensure there's nobody nearby.

He pushes them down just enough to release his hard cock, the tip glistening with pre-cum. He grabs your hips and pulls you back against him. You arch your body obediently for him as he guides himself to your entrance. Without much warning, he plunges inside you, filling you up completely.

He lets out a low growl as he begins to thrust into you. You can feel his hips slamming against your ass with each powerful thrust, your moans now muffled by the books on the shelves as your face is pressed further into your arm and the shelf.

"You like that, don't you, you dirty little slut?" he asks, his voice rough with desire. "You like having your captain's cock deep inside your cunt."

Levi pulls you closer to him, his hand gripping your hips tightly as he fucks you harder and faster. He can feel himself getting close to his own release as you tighten around him. He leans in and kisses your neck, one hand moved lower, finding your clit again and rubbing circles around it, relentlessly this time. He groaned as he felt your walls twitch around him in response to the stimulation.

Levi's movements grew more frenzied, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he neared his release. He slammed against you, pushing you harder against the bookshelf, His fingers were now digging painfully into your hips, his lips parted in a silent moan as he thrust harder, faster.

He continues pounding into you until he finally reaches his own orgasm, spilling his hot cum deep inside you.

As your body convulsed, your muscles tensed as your orgasm rippled through you. He quickly brings his hand from your hip to your mouth. You arched your back, moaning into his hand as he silenced your cries. Your nails dug into the brittle wood of the bookshelf, your inner walls gripping him tightly, milking him for every drop of his release.

He nuzzled your neck, kissing and nipping at the skin. You let your eyes drift closed, savouring the feel of him inside, the weight of him on top of you. His hips moved gently, his erection still partly hard, and you could feel him begin to stir again.

Having relinquished the grip he had on your face, his hand trails down to cup your ass, feeling the firm muscles beneath his touch. Your skin was smooth and soft. You could feel the weight of his body as he shifted, slowly pulling out of you. Your body ached with the loss of his presence, but you knew he wouldn't be gone for long. His erection is still hardening against your ass. You press yourself back firmly against him in an effort to encourage him to have his way with you again.

Levi smirks at your exposed and willing body. He leans down to your ear, his breath hot against your skin. "You're greedy, aren't you? Begging for more from your captain?" he says, his voice laced with desire.

He uses his fingers to spread the abundance of juices from your pussy onto your tight asshole, gently teasing the sensitive area. "You want it here? You want me to fuck your tight little ass?" he growls into your ear. He slowly slides a finger inside you and you gasp. "Yes," you whispered, your voice barely audible. "Please."

"Mmm, you're so tight back here," he groans, his finger pumping in and out of you. "But don't worry, I'm going to open you up real good" He says, adding a second digit.

He slid his hand away from you, only to return a moment later, his fingers slick with more of your own arousal. He pressed his fingers against your puckered opening again, teasing and stretching you.

"Oh god, yes, Levi." You moaned, your hips bucking against his hand. "More,...please," you whimper.

"Always wanting more." He murmurs, "Such a needy little thing, aren't you?" He mocked, using your earlier comment against you as you pressed against him. His teasing sending another shiver down your spine as his other hand finds your clit and gently circles the already oversensitive nub again.

"You're going to take all of me,” he growls, his voice low and husky. "You're going to feel every fucking inch of your captain's cock."

You moaned a desperate. "Yes." As he withdraws his fingers from your ass, your body tensed, preparing for the sensation of him filling you. He positions himself behind you, his thick cock pressing against your tight hole. "Relax." He whispers seductively into your ear. With that, he slowly pushes inside you, the stretch causing you to gasp in pleasure and pain.

"That's it, take it all," he groans as he fills you completely, giving you a few seconds to adjust, his hips starting to move in a steady rhythm. Your body was pliant beneath him, accepting his possession, your cries muffled against the crook of your elbow resting against the bookshelf. He felt you tightening around him, your muscles contracting in rhythm with his thrusts and expert assault on your clit, the sensation was exquisite and he couldn't help but speed up, his hips moving faster and faster, driving deeper into you.

You arched your back, meeting each thrust with a moan. Your ass was a tight, perfect grip on his cock, milking him with each stroke. He could feel the impending climax building inside him.

"You're such a dirty little whore, craving your captain's cock in your ass, in the library of all places." He groans, "But fuck, it turns me on." his grip tightening on your ass cheek. "You make me so fucking hard." He hisses, his cock pistoning in and out of your ass. Your nails dug into the wood again, leaving long, jagged scratches against the old furniture as you struggled to maintain your balance.

Your body quivered, your orgasm building in the pit of your stomach. He felt it too, his thrusts becoming more frantic, more urgent. His breath hot against your neck.

You gasped as your third orgasm consumed you, your body shuddering violently. He growled, his hips moving even faster as he felt your inner muscles of your pussy clench around nothing as the muscles in your ass clench against the invasion of his cock. His own orgasm was close, and as you cried out in pleasure, albeit muffled. He felt the hot rush of release as he emptied himself into your ass. His cock pulsing with each spurt of come as your muscles milked him. He let out a loud and audible "Fuck."

He collapsed against you, wrapping an arm around your waist to support you, his breath ragged as he tried to steady it.

Your body hummed with pleasure, every nerve ending tingling from the exquisite sensations that still coursed through you, you would have slumped to the ground had he not been supporting your exhausted body.

Suddenly, as your senses returned to normal, you remembered where you were. You both become aware of the sounds around you. The soft rustle of papers, the ticking of a clock on the wall. The bookshelf you have been using as a prop loomed over you, newfound marks, and splinters in the wood of the probably antique item.

Oh, if walls could talk.

[tomlinfonda]

"Why are artists so butthurt about AI art? Horse carriage drivers didn't complain when they invented the car, they were just grateful that the technology evolved and made it easier to get around."

Art is not a carriage, it's not a vehicle. Its purpose is not to be efficient, to do a practical job with as little effort as possible. Art is not something that can be automated, because its artistry lies in the humanity of its creator. Art is wonderful, from a baby's first drawing, inexperienced and unskilled, to the paintings adorning the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

If you consider yourself an AI artist, I ask you: are you proud of yourself when the computer has completed another image that you will claim as yours? Do you look at it and feel the joy of having created something?

Does the generative process teach you how to see the world better? With every image created, do you evolve? Do you understand the planes of the face better now than 1000 images ago? Do you know what rim light is, and where to put it? Do you understand light sources? Tones? Could you take a piece of paper and shade a portrait by yourself?

"AI software is just like Photoshop or Blender, the next step in artistic technology".

It's not though, is it? A digital artist uses a pen to put colors on screen, chooses where to put each brush stroke, when to smudge or use the liquify tool. A 3D sculptor manipulates basic shapes into characters just like a traditional artist molds clay. An AI "artist" doesn't make any of the thousands of choices that lead to the creation of a real piece of art.

"But art is hard, and I'm not good enough."

Neither am I! Man, I'm not the worst artist in the world, but I'm not great, still not at the level I would like to be. Sometimes I draw something and I look at it and realize that it sucks ass! Sometimes I post a drawing online and realize that I drew a character out of proportion, that the light source is not consistent, that I've shaded outside the lines! And you know what's great? That I get to have an understanding of what I did wrong! I get to evolve! I redraw something from 5 years ago and realize that my composition is much better, my shading more believable. And I know that in 5 more years, I might redraw it again and pride myself in how much I've evolved.

I've been drawing since I was a baby, and I still have a long way to go. And that is also fine, because art is a lifelong pursuit, growing, changing, just as I am.

It's okay to not be good. Hell, it's okay if you don't even try to get better. By drawing, you WILL. It's inevitable that, by practicing, you'll learn.

You know what will not make you a better artist? Software that will generate your "art" for you. The result might look more complex than what your skill level allows you to create right now. But it doesn't look better. You could draw a crooked circle on xerox paper and it will look better than all the AI art in the world. Because you made it. Have some faith in yourself. Your vision has more artistic value than what that computer generated.

"If you're afraid that AI will steal your job, learn to draw better!"

I'm trying. Are you?

[feyspeaker]

Hi! I made an account just so I could follow your work. Your art is brilliant and honestly and inspiration to where I want to be. I’m an older artist who has all the anxiety when it comes to improving my process. I’m trying to get into digital portraits and I have so many ideas in my head, but it’s frustrating because I’m not where I want to be to make this happen. What are some tricks that help you/software do you use? Of course, you don’t have to share anything that makes you uncomfortable. I currently have procreate and an iPad, but I feel a little lost. Wondering if I need a different writing tablet and photoshop. Not sure. I just eventually want to find that 3D, but also artistic look you are able to achieve.

hey there! thank you so much!!

ultimately, I will sound like a broken record but I always recommend you sign up for local figure drawing or painting classes. have people pose for you at home and sketch with charcoal and paper. go to the zoo and sit down in front on an exhibit for an hour and try to draw the animals in front of you as fast as you can and fill a couple of pages, move on to a new exhibit and do it again!

nothing is more powerful of a tool to learn than whatever writing utensil you have in your purse and the back of a napkin when you see something you'd like to capture. I've spent quite frankly my entire rememberable life doing this. I used to spend every single day in middle school/high school/my brief failed stint in community college with a pack of cheap sharpies and a beat up binder full of old worksheets and homework to draw on the backs of.

drawing/painting from life will teach you better than anything.

I use a very outdated version of Photoshop, and only got a "nice" tablet in the past 7 months.

Also, a huge tip to you and anyone else reading this: do NOT get too focused on a "style" that you want. Obsessing over that just ruined me for years and years. I wanted so, so, so badly to be the next Matsuri Hino when I was a kid. I copied her work religiously and it NEVER looked right. Frustrated me to no end. And you know why my stuff never looked like hers? Because I'm not her! You can't force your art to come out any way that isn't natural, and the sooner you can accept the art your hand wants to create, the happier you'll be and the easier art will get for you.

The past couple of years before I started diving into this more realism based work, I was just shoving myself through trying to make what art I envied of others. Very stylized/textured watercolor comic book style stuff. And I just was NOT getting any better at it. I have always been more inclined toward realism work, but I've hated it and yearned for stylized work. Yoshitaka Amano? God, I just drooled over that artstyle and beat myself up for never being able to capture it in studies or otherwise.

I finally essentially restructured my entire career around making the art that makes me happy instead of what I "wanted" it to look like. I was extremely depressed, my life was falling apart, and I still needed to make art to survive but I couldn't "art" if I was depressed and hated doing it, so I just had to step back and stop worrying so much about what I thought I wanted to make, and started making what felt most natural.

there's no easy way, and art can be a soul destroying path at times, truly. your software and hardware should come very last place compared to practicing from life (it doesn't matter if you want to paint cartoony stuff of realistic stuff, always start from life). naturally you will find what makes your heart sing the most.

I get a lot of messages from people telling me similar stuff "oh your art is EXACTLY what I want to do!" but I promise you that kind of thought process is chasing a dragon that is likely to harm or drag your creative process down. art style is such a deeply personal thing, so of COURSE it's important to find inspiration, but the second looking at someone else's artwork stops inspiring you and starts frustrating you, put it away.

There are some artists who I love, that I do not check up on often because their artwork ignites, like, serious bitter jealousy in me. It's the truth. I get so mad at myself for not being more like them, and it's such a poison. I think more artists should be transparent about this feeling because I KNOW the art community has a lot of jealousy and ugliness in it.

A fact of being an artist is that you will never be completely happy with a piece you make. You are always going to see the flaws, and that doesn't change whether you'd been drawing for 2 months or 20 years. Occasionally, you will get one piece that you are like "how did I make that???" and then get frustrated that you can't recreate it lol! It's a tough beast.

It's just really important to step back and work on yourself and where you are at, because at the end of the day, the way your soul wants to express artwork might be WILDLY different from what your brain wants, and it can be really detrimental to let those two go to war.

I hope this helps. I'm very passionate about this, and when I started out I ALWAYS ignored the artists who gave the same exact tips as above. I thought they were so annoying and unhelpful, but now I /get it/.

[chaotic-minds-think-alike]

Can you please talk about how you 3D model? I love your style and as an aspiring 3d modeller myself the dragon models you make are just so satisfying!! love the khepra (they can do no wrong)

Thank you!! I’d love to talk about it ,,

So I learned how to 3D model by following a roblox game studio called Sonar Studios a few years ago. The lead developer makes speedModeling videos on youtube if you'd like to reference those. Back then I could only learn by visuals and trying to figure out what they were doing but eventually after self teaching myself, I was able to become a trial dev for them and learn with them!! So what I’ll be talking about closely reflects their style of modeling.

First, I have this old Google slides I made of the basics of blender (program I use)(you can ignore the parts about roblox)

But before that, I want to share how my models started out (after a bit of eyeballing)

This guy looks good visually UNTIL you look at his wireframe... oh boy... Some issues I can name here are: modifiers not applied, unoptimized, seems kinda lazily done

BUT! I wanted to continue modeling due to the idea of having "digital action figures of my designs" which is super fun lol. So I practiced here and there and now I'm pretty comfortable where I'm at but I wont pass up the opportunity to learn new things about blender!

(wings hidden for convenience) You can see now, this guy is MUCH cleaner looking compared to that model from 2021. I want to say though, the only modifier I don't apply unless I'm going to rig the model is the Mirror modifier.

OPTIMIZATION. IS. IMPORTANT! (and so is making sure your model looks clean on the wireframe level)

Look at the stats of both these models! The left is the model from 2021 while the right is the model from 2024... huge difference! That's because I learned how to optimize! Detail of your model plays a huge part in this too but you can see that visually, both appear to be just as detailed. (Lower numbers usually means better BUT do not over-optimize because it can make your model look lower quality. Clean up your model the best you can while retaining as much original quality as possible! it is OK to cut out some design elements, for example if you have a really complex splotch pattern, depending on how detailed, it's ok to get rid of smaller and less important patterns as long as you keep close to the original shape to preserve quality.)

Some things of note before I move on:

The way I apply materials in the google slides is outdated (in my style) and now I follow this tutorial (I also change my model ref sheets to include gradient palettes if I need them)

I DO THIS AS A HOBBY! Not everything I do is perfect and that's okay!

I ALWAYS simplify my ref sheets to make them easier to model (it is OK to have a super detailed design as long as there's no super tiny details you wont notice)(additionally, if your design is detailed and your numbers start to go up, don't worry)

I have a natural eye for 3D shapes which is why modeling comes easy to me but if you struggle with only a side view of your subject then draw/reference more angles!

Also... you didn't ask but I want to touch back on the idea of "digital action figures" with the basics of rigging your model

I follow this tutorial but specifically the section on "rigid rigging" because weight painting is still a mystery to me. I know it's important.. but because I don't use my models besides personal use, my rigging abilities are super messy lol. I don't name my bones unless it's for symmetry reasons. Something also of note is when I'm ready to rig my model, I split it. Basically meaning I turn it from a figure to an action figure by giving it ball joints! (this part is probably the most tedious and boring)

In this style of modeling, your joints may never be perfect but it doesn't matter, you learn to love it.

[korolife]

Blog No.003🍊　24年5月10日

「Let's Talk About Coloring+Rendering!!」

～ The Chaos of Akehhh-style Layering w/ Colors & Values ～

ArtStreet recently released some weekly coloring contests and as someone who likes joining 'em + colorwork being the absolute joyous part in drawing for me, I got really into it!! One of them somehow won and I still have the raw .mdp file of it with most of the layers unmerged... so, I thought there might be some value in sharing my chaotic coloring progress with it. There may never be an opportunity like this again...

CONTENTS:

Preface・・・・・・・・・

The Linework・・・・・・

Composition + Planning・

The Render・・・・・・・

Additional FX Tips・・・・

The Layers of Dread・・・

1. Preface

I use the free software MediBang Paint, which is made by the same folks who made the aforementioned art-sharing website, Artstreet. Although its file type extension is .mdp, it can also save as and open .psd files all the same.

If interested, you can download it on their website here! I believe it's available in both PC, Apple, iOs, and Android (also on the PlayStore). ☞And here is my google drive link of my fully rendered entry's raw .mdp file. I also included a .psd version that should be accessible with most other softwares like Photoshop, Clipstudio, etc.

NOTE: Not sure how some layer effects will be displayed apart from MediBang though (either in name or function) . But I think "multiply" and "overlay" is fair game on most drawing/photo-editing softwares with layer systems.

Either way, ↑this is just a bonus thing if you wish to see for yourself how much my MediBang cries everytime I work on something, since visuals of the rough step-by-step will be provided here as well!

At the end of this post, all of the layers' purposes will be explained...y-you'll see...

■And just as a disclaimer: I'm an instinctively self-taught illustrator who is a heavy visual learner, so there are certain methods I do that I cannot readily explain with back-up studies on color theories or formally taught techniques in art schools and the like/certain made-up terminologies that may or may not exist as something else. I mostly operate on instinct, observation, subjective preferences, and vibes, so this would just be me trying to verbalize my process (with visual aid) as a means of share-rambling, rather than actually directly "teaching" anything, I think haha You can take it as a cautionary tale too, honestly-

※I will also be going through this with the assumption that the reader has some background knowledge on digital illustration and general drawing basics + lingo. If you have any questions or needed clarifications, please feel free to let me know!

Although art can be fundamentally "wrong" when it comes to achieving certain specific styles, structures (especially when involving realism as the standard), or general executions of intentions/themes, I am of belief that there is generally no wrong or right 'way' for drawing anything; or for doing ANY type of artistic endeavor for that matter. This might be perceived as a "bad anatomy defender" / "no need to improve, then" stance on my part, but it is absolutely not the case! An artwork is never finished, there's always room for improvementsーa galaxy's size of a room especially for myselfーbut I just think anything at all that brings you an expressive or creative outlet, joy, or peace of mind is worth pursuing, regardless of your own skill or tact and there's no shame in that. I do not wish anyone, especially people starting out with drawing to be discouraged for having their own different approaches in comparison to other people's works by misconception of, "oh, am I doing it wrong?". Sometimes having different or an uncommon worldview is not always a 'bad' thing, I think. Heaven forbid artists actually start getting creative and unique―

What I will be presenting here is simply my one way out of thousands of thousands of different possibilities. So, let's start★

2. The Linework

Equally lengthy talk of lineart is probably for a later discussion, but here is the template provided by ArtStreet for the contest + what will be colored in for today.

☞The contest has since ended, but you can still download the lineart template here if you'd like!

3. Composition + Planning

The contest rules said it's "OK to draw backgrounds", so let's go!!

I had already decided on how I want to color it early on: It will be more scenic in nature, rather than stylistic. So, there will be more focus on looking 'real' than 'aesthetically stylish'! Just so it doesn't look disconnected or too out of place, I tried to draw my additions similarly to how Mr. archerman's linework looked as much as possible.

This how I visually define "scenic" VS "stylistic" illustrations (in my head)

I like experimenting and mixing different rendering techniques with varying linework styles and tend to think about my approach with the rendering long before the coloring process, even waaay before I line my final sketch, usually. But for this, I'm simply working with what was given to me.

At first, I just wanted a "cool breeze w/ leaves flying away ahhhh refreshing~~" mood, but the space at the side of his head looked rather empty as is, even with Nessie. So I thought about putting him inside a vague...darkly-lit abandoned ruins-setting to eat up some of that space.

And with that, it's time for colors.

4. The Render

My coloring process is the lengthiest and often makes people who see me color in real-time scream in horror, but I think it's actually fairly simple and can be summarized into three nutshelled stages:

①Fill in the colors with a finalized palette of your choice,

②cry Continuously render until your arms fall off you're satisfied.

③ cry even HARDER (optional) Adjust accordingly to fit in better with other elements of the illustration, such as with the focus/subject to background. *will be explained later.

oh and btw, the usage of the words 'render(ing)' tends to be confusing with its association with other mediums like 3D models, but when it comes to drawing I like to think of it this way:

🎨Coloring is the planned/intentional selection of your color range, tints, tones, and palette to use in a drawing, ☀Rendering is the act (or product) of the set of techniques (including effects, filters, etc.) you use with the colors/values to create the illusions of depth, shadows and light, movement, warmth/cold atmospheres, etc in a 2D illustration.

But that's just how I define it with my own step-by-steps. Otherwise, I think either term is pretty much interchangeable.

Anyhoo, what do you think should this man's hair, skin, eye, and clothing's colors be?

here are some of the variations on the color picks of his outfit that rotted my brain for about 3 hours straight, like it's a 2000s dress-and-match flash game

The many submissions for the contest had many fun color combinations and interesting interpretations I personally think should've won. I saw a lot of blonde archer-princes wearing greens, browns, and blues, as a lot also went for the "forest hunter boi" vibe. But I was saddened by the lack of my favorite colors being used as the primary colorーorange and yellow. So, let's use those!!

The start of my coloring/rendering journey is never at Layer '1'.........

―Starting with what I've always referred to as "environment prep":

The purpose here is to 'set' the base colors so they match with the environment or general atmosphere. Get ready to see this over and over

This could mean adjusting the saturation, or spraying gradients of the BG's most prominent color on parts that...gives me anxiety the most-

As someone who tends to work with very, very bright color schemes with character designs, trying to blend in when the illustration is meant to be scenic or 'serious' in tone without it being a distracting eyesore can be a challenge. So, this is what I do to counter it.

Shading is usually an early step for me as well, even though I think it's a lot of other artists' near-to-final step. I tend to lean towards an abomination mix of soft shade and cel shadeーthe strokes are sharp enough to trace where the shadows start and end, but softened around the edges for effect.

I also tend to apply an additional spray of subtly darker shade on top of the first one? It's usually on spots where I think the light source won't be hitting as much. I wouldn't do this for simple styles (stylized illustrations like with a chibi style), but for scenic illustrations I find it's necessary to achieve that depth against a fully-rendered environment.

※Just a side note: You may see multiple things changing around, but in real time I'm most definitely working on one part at a time lol. These visual aids were ripped off the raw .mdp by hiding some of the layers, so that's why different areas seem to progress together all at once, even if that's a bit idealistic in actuality.

Apart from the previous adding of shades with a multiply-mode layer for the preliminary shadows, I add one more layer of shadow on there for objects or other characters that can cast distinct shadows on the subject. In here, it's the bow and the hovering strap across his chest.

Lighting is also starting to be added as well.

One direct alteration I did with the lineart template was change the line's colors. I find it really softens them to mix better with their filled-in colors + as well as not stand out too harshly against a light-colored scenic background.

I think you now have a good idea over my hyperfixation on making sure colors are 'vibing' well against the BG lol A lot of these steps are basically just doing the same thing over and over with new layers for the sake of this purpose, really.

And after that, just repeating all the stuff we did with the character onto everything else (background, foreground, objects, etc.) until you're satisfied with it!

A lot of these changes are very subtle on their own, but makes all the difference in the bigger picture, I think!

Just maybe some additional finishing touches for some boom shakalaka and...that's pretty much it! You will notice that throughout the entire process, there's a lot of random little things that suddenly appear or change with seemingly not much purpose or meaning on its own. I unfortunately have always drawn in this sort of vague, quickly impulsive, directionless way since I was a child and I don't think even I will ever understand it, logically. It's mostly a... continuous string of instinctive feelings of "HEY let's do it this way, if not there's like 10 other things we can try next", is the closest I can get to an explanation of how it feels.

I don't know if it's common for other artists to think or function this way, but I do know for a fact that many people seem to be surprised and confused when they see me drawing in real time this way. Everytime I get asked 'how' I draw certain things, I say things like 'I turn my brain off and vibe with many, many layers with a broken back.' and people think it's just a dismissive joke. I-it's really not, it's literally what happens, I don't have any secret shortcuts for you-

Hopefully this very lengthy post + visual aids can help demystify some misconceptions on what "really" goes on when I'm drawing! It's also a bit of an update of my tutorials made for friendos starting out with digital drawing back in 2015!

Anyway, the rendering stage is where the simplified steps ② and optional step ③ branch out like a fork in the road for me; I don't think one is any "better" than the other, I think doing either is simply a matter of personal preference and artistic choice;

➋being leaving all that 100++ layers rendering that we just did alone and calling it a day,

➌being a little bit more extra w/ additional shadows/lighting that corresponds with the environment the character is in.

I removed the walls to see the whole figure better in a side-by-side comparison. I like the unadjusted (L) without the wall, but with the walls in the final illustration, I think adjusted (R) felt 'right'. What do you think?

There are some things, although realistic, don't look that good as a visual aesthetic and are just downright excessive/unnecessary to add to certain types of illustrations.

Then there's things that aren't possible in real life, but artistically? Looks really dang cool. Being biased for either ends of the hyperrealism and hyperstylized spectrums of styles is fine; only as long as no discrimination is involved towards people who don't share your opinions, in my opinion-

and to conclude this section, I say,

『 You go render however you wantーhellーno colors even necessary if you wish!

Simple ≠ laziness, just as much as complexity ≠ skill。』

I will never stop yapping about how a lot of minimalist styles require so much more amounts of planning and effort to make sure everything is nice and clean, especially compared to mindless rendering loops like these. Mine's a maximalist hell and I wouldn't have it any other way, but I greatly envy minimalist artists that can render with just something like my step ① with so much grace and tact; not a single stray or wasted stroke!! Anyone who dismisses these types as "lazy" I will violently stuff inside a couchーwithout any potato snacks to snack on!!!

5. Additional FX Tips

Just a shorter section for some optional finishing touches tips'n'tricks used in this I frequently (ab)use☆

◆ From the very beginning, even before I understood how to draw, it's always been a tradition to doodle around sparkles all around the place. I usually do it with MediBang's sparkle brush if I want it to look polished, or simply draw it manually using either the pen or airbrush tool for a cruder charm.

◆ Motion blur is great, and MediBang in particular also has different types of blur effects like Gaussian and regular blurs. If your software doesn't have these effects / if you're working traditionally but still want to achieve the illusion of motion in a still drawing, you can still achieve the same effect through your linework! Try looking into incorporating action lines (commonly seen in manga and comics) into it. Otherwise, purposefully drawing something blurily to begin with oughta work as well.

◆ Apart from changing the lineart's colors, there's also this little effect that is achieved by duplicating the lineart and blurring it. It gives something like a...'dreamy' quality to it? The higher the blurred copy's opacity is, the more emphasized it makes everything look.

6. The Layers of Dread

At long last we've arrived... at my MediBang's repeating demise for all of eternity...

Here's a preview of what the .mdp/.psd file of this colored entry's unhingedmerged layers looks like + how I try to validate their existence. When I work on full-sized illustrations, I tend to merge layers as I go, so this is probably one of the rare times I can show something like this without either mine or your PC dying. If you'd like to see, play around with, and toggle them for yourself in all of its............glory, feel free to download it here.

Yes

we're starting at Layer 611. Enjoy.

I will now delete my PC's copy because jfc that's one too many MBs ...and it's still eons lighter than what I usually work with on my own full illustrations from sketch to finish......。 (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`) thank you for reading this far and making it out alive, goodbye for now...

・・・ホームページALL LINKS・・・

・Art Gallery・Commission Info・Ko-fi shop・

[operaghostboi]

Trying to teach myself to draw and be like some of my favorite artists on here and Twitter. No clue what I'm doing so if you see this and have any advice it would be appreciated. I know how shading is supposed to work since I used to paint but have no clue how to properly apply those skills to digital art haha 😂 😅🫰

On a side note my Johnny MacTavish (Soap) looks like Captain Price for some odd reason.

Also if you want below is a demo I recorded in my car while I had 2 hours to waste.

[aspenwritesstuff]

Part Three

prev | masterlist | next (soon)

warnings: angst, feelings of guilt and isolation, misplaced anger, scars mention, language, mental health struggles, very brief mention of institutionalization

wc: 7553

"You told them about Hyunjin, the beautiful boy you were charged with transferring the remaining shreds of the dream you’d always dreamed to." "You told them how, despite your disdain, teaching Hyunjin forced you to make an effort to be human again. To be alive. To wash clothes and wear them clean after taking a shower. To leave your apartment."

“You told them how, your own trauma aside, Hyunjin wasn’t all that bad.” "You told them how, in a way, it was because of Hyunjin that you’d finally broken your silence today. How wrong it felt to be better for a stranger when the two of them had been waiting for so long."

a/n: hey, hi, hello. I'd like to thank any of you who are still around to read this. From the bottom of my heart. I know I've been very inconsistent, and for that I apologize. I'm trying to pace myself, and slowly return to writing. Updates will be happening with more regularity now that I'm back to it! Comments, reblogs, asks...all of those things really light the fire in me to write, and are very deeply appreciated! So please let me know if you enjoy my work. Enough of my prattling, please enjoy part three!

with love and forehead smooches (if you consent),

-Aspen

taglist: @findingjieunn @hyynee @hyunverse @dreamstarsandskz @linaliann

permanent taglist: @svintsandghosts @notastraykid @abiaswreck

Gray clouds and the distant call of thunder encased Seoul today, despite how nice the weather had been the day prior. It was days like this that were meant for staying in, avoiding getting caught in the inevitable storm, filling your time with something mindful.

Days like this had once been reserved for painting, locked away in the studio as the sky bellowed its approval over each brushstroke. Days like this meant the completion of a work that had been left unfinished, allowing motivation to come from the weeping sky. Days like this, and the work that went into them, had only been allowed interruption by one thing - your friends.

Changbin and Felix, the sole bearers of the right to break your focus whilst poring over a canvas. 

Days like these were once reserved for them, too. Movies that none of you really watched, talking over them about anything and everything. Laughter regardless of what was playing. Comfort regardless of the impending downpour.

What were days like this supposed to be now? When the thought of a brush in your hand was enough to bring about the ache in your heart that you couldn’t quite get used to, despite its frequency. The longer the monochrome sky loomed overhead, the longer the obvious answer hammered at your psyche.

They were the only thing left meant for days such as these.

You could call them. You could reach out in hopes that they hadn’t quite given up, despite your prior avoidance. It would be easy, just the tap of a few buttons on a screen. A child could do it, and yet you found yourself struggling to get past the menu.

Guilt has a funny way of complicating things.

Prior to the accident, and the subsequent lack of contact, reaching out to Changbin and Felix had been effortless - simply a part of your day-to-day routine, requiring little to no forethought. 

Now, however, you were terrified.

Your phone felt much heavier than it should have in your hands as you stared at the long-neglected group chat on your screen - the accompanying double digit number next to it taunting you with its reminder of just how long you’d been absent. Just how long you’d avoided speaking to the two.

How long was too long to ignore somebody before they’d stop considering you a friend?

Talking to them meant facing the possibility that your actions - or, rather, lack thereof - could have destroyed the only two friendships you’d ever cared to maintain. 

Until you actually spoke to them, you could live in ignorance. 

Until you actually spoke to them, you could assume they still wanted you around. 

Until you actually spoke to them, they were the only thing that hadn’t changed.

That just served to make the notion of finally reaching out absolutely petrifying.

These were the same boys you’d stay up laughing ‘til sunrise with, so deliriously tired that everything had become funnier than it should’ve been. The same boys that, rather than letting you fend for yourself, allowed you to follow them around like a duckling as they showed you the ins and outs of Seoul. The same boys who’d all but drag you from your studio when you’d forget to eat in the midst of a big project, bringing you to the diner for your favorite burger.

These were the same boys who brought new flowers to your bedside every week, even when you wouldn’t so much as look at them when they did.

You tapped the thread, swallowing both the lump in your throat and your pride as you read the messages you’d missed - maintaining your composure up until you got to the most recent two, sent only a day ago.

Felix: Honey, please talk to us? We’re really worried about you. Your mom said you’re home now, so maybe we could come by? I miss you a lot. 

Changbin: We could go to the diner if you want? I’ll pay even though it’s your turn. Nothing feels right without our favorite girl, okay? Love you.

Your heart squeezed tightly in your chest as you hiccuped, unsure if it was shame that you’d doubted they’d stick around or relief that you were wrong that finally broke the dam - but broke it did as hot tears blurred your vision. 

So many things had been ripped from you - violently, remorselessly, suddenly. Your future, your outlet, your joy, all gone in a terrible symphony of metal against metal. Your dreams snatched away by the malicious hand of fate, dangled above your head - just far enough away to taunt you, to remind you that it still existed, just not for you. Reminding you that everything had changed.

Everything, it seemed, except for Changbin and Felix.

Undeserving didn’t even begin to cover the way you felt. After all of this time, receiving nothing at all but radio silence from you, these two men had been contacting you - at least one of them, at least once a day - since the accident. 

You scrolled up, noticing that they’d never once gotten angry. They’d never once blamed you. They’d told you about their days, their lives, what happened at work, changes to the diner’s menu, and - always - how much you were missed. Not once did either of them condemn your behavior. Not once did either of them criticize you.

And you’d ignored them. Treated them as if they, and their unending support in spite of your withdrawal from them, didn’t matter. As if you didn’t need them. As if you were better off alone after suffering loss. 

All it took was shame weighing down your shoulders to remind you, though, that you weren’t - and never would be -  better off without Felix and Changbin.

How inexcusable it felt to have left them in the dark made your thumbs difficult to move. Two simple letters turned into near-impossible hurdles. The level of anger you’d expected to have to face from them had significantly raised your expectations. 

You had been ready to beg, to offer anything to make it up to them when the gloomy skies forced them into your mind. You were prepared to listen to lectures, to agree with them had they called you a bad friend.

You had been ready to face the possibility that they’d lost faith in you completely.

So, how were you supposed to just say, “Hi.” 

How could you simply address them casually as if you hadn’t neglected them? Hadn’t deserted them? Hadn’t forsaken them in the name of sorrow, shunned them for your own selfish pity?

How absolutely wrong it felt to simply greet them as if nothing had happened. How slimy it felt not to apologize a million times over, sinful not to grovel at their feet for forgiveness.

How heavy two little letters could become.

Yet, despite the painfully slow rate at which your trembling thumbs tapped against the glass, they were suddenly there. Sitting plainly, four lines and a dot - “Hi” - black against white. It waited, just as the long-neglected curves and lines of another word had - send - white against blue.

You suddenly understood why minimalism paintings were regarded in such a profound way, as everything inside of you screamed at the sight displayed on the screen. No longer did you question how a few strokes of a brush and a signature could justify more than a glance. Gone were your bitter thoughts over the success of such seemingly simple works. Four lines and a dot, black against white. Curves and lines, white against blue.

Hi. Send.

They were not as simple as they appeared on their own. Together, they were complex.

Complex enough to paralyze you.

Hi.You never used to find it this difficult, not once. The luxury most had when facing the unfortunate drifting from friends was not yours to have. You couldn’t simply exhale a plaintive sigh, asking forces unseen what had happened to what once was. It would be ridiculous to even entertain the notion. You knew what had happened and you bore the angry, red reminder of exactly what spurred the change.

The reminder that things would never be the same.

You never used to care for minimalism paintings. How could you have? They were just lines before. Just haphazard shapes pointlessly ruining a perfectly good canvas. Cruel irony, realizing the potential of the style now that your talent had been reduced to nothing more than fond memories that pained you to recall. Harsher still was the realization that the closest attempt you’d ever make at the style was staring at you from a screen dimming from disuse. A strange medium on stranger canvas, the credits for which would certainly raise brows: 

Eclipse, Hi, 2023, 6”x3” Thumbs on Glass. Your heart dropped at the use of your old habits from your days of gallery submissions. Despite barely qualifying as a piece of art, you’d gone ahead and planned out the label for the four lines and a dot, black against white. Despite your wounds, you’d forgotten the pain for just a moment - losing yourself in the meaning of curves and lines, white against blue. 

Forgetting, for a moment, that everything had changed.

Perhaps it was the surge of adrenaline that accompanied your panicked realization, maybe even a brief stroke of inspiration from your inadvertent first-attempt at a style you’d once hated. Those two little letters were no longer the heaviest thing on your heart - and, in comparison, were suddenly light. Before you could talk yourself out of sending those lines and dots off, you tapped the blue that housed curves and squiggles. Send.

The cartoonish whoosh carrying those two heavy little letters felt starkly out of place amidst the rolling of thunder and the thrumming pulse in your ears. Your legs bounced, anxious feet filling the silence with muffled taps as you waited. All you could do now was stare holes into the screen and hope. Hope that, despite your certainty, you were wrong. That everything hadn’t changed. 

That, if nothing else, this could be the same. They could be the same.

It felt like a form of purgatory, staring at a screen filled with tiny bubbles of even tinier lines, dots, and curves. Time seemed to me moving in strange ways - seconds felt like their own small eternities as you stared at your underwhelming message. 

You wondered if Felix and Changbin felt this way, too, during their admittedly much longer wait for a reply. Certainly they had. It would be difficult to imagine otherwise. If ten seconds felt this long to you, how long had these months felt for them? Your heart dropped at the thought, but rose quickly along with your pulse at the sight of three little dots moving at the bottom of the screen. 

Those three little dots disappeared and reappeared once, twice, and three times before a few sentences appeared on screen. You saw that it was Felix who’d answered first, but couldn’t bring yourself to read it for at least a minute. Although these two had constantly been checking in on you, despite your lack of answers, it was hard to completely let go of the possibility that they would be angry. Hurt.

They had a right to be, after all.

Once your nerves allowed you to skim the message, a melancholy calm washed over you. In typical form, Felix was perfectly understanding - and sweet - with his reply.

Felix: Oh my god, hi! How are you? I miss you so much.What you had done to deserve such an immediate and warm reaction to your return was beyond you, having fully expected at least a bit of resentment sent your way - yet there was none to be found. Perhaps you shouldn’t be surprised though, seeing as neither Felix nor Changbin had ever given you a reason to doubt the depth of their care for you.

Recalling that brought the ache of guilt - having gone hand in hand with the thoughts of the two for months now - back to the surface. The shift back from your cautious optimism nearly knocked the wind out of you in its abruptness.

Guilt, and its funny way of complicating things, resulted in paranoia at Changbin’s lack of response. Maybe you were foolish to feel hopeful at the warm, brief, comfort of Felix’s kind response. The lack of discontent Felix expressed at your return held no guarantee to extend to Changbin. He could very well hold onto an indignation towards you for trying to simply slide back into their lives after so long of icing them out. What if he wouldn’t forgive you? What if, due to this, your closeness with Felix - in spite of his unabashed eagerness - too, would lessen? What if..? Changbin: Never disappear like that EVER again, stupid.You couldn’t even find it within yourself to feel a shred of irritation at the insult, a buoyancy you’d nearly forgotten was possible surrounding your heart as it thudded hard in your chest. You weren’t sure where to go from here. Of course, an apology was in order, but beyond that…you were clueless. It felt shallow to apologize over text, though, for something as grievous as the vanishing act as you’d performed. You stared at the screen for several minutes, thumbs trembling over the keyboard projected against the glass as you held the phone in both hands, before you finally decided. 

You: Come over, please?

You’d been spurred into making your appearance, after all, been spurred to finally make an appearance by memories of stormy days spent together. Hoping the nostalgia was hitting the duo, too, was all you could do - eyes glued to the dancing gray circles at the bottom of your screen. Felix: Not gonna lie, I was running to my car the second your name popped up on my screen sweetheart.

Changbin: I’m quite literally already on my way.Felix: Thought you didn’t text and drive? Your principles, or whatever.Changbin: These circumstances allow exception.Changbin: And, for the millionth time, it’s JUTDAE.The ghost of a smile graced your lips as you witnessed their usual banter unfold - something you hadn’t realized you’d missed in your numbness. The shape of your lips felt foreign, though not uncomfortable, on your face. Your lack of reply was largely attributed to knowing Changbin would likely look away from the road to read whatever you would contribute to the conversation - but, it would be a lie to say that was the sole reason. Their imminent arrival gave you an unpleasant reminder that, aside from your sessions with Hyunjin, you hadn’t left the house - and cleanliness wasn’t typically associated with apathy.

From the couch alone, the mess was impossible not to notice. A lump of unwashed laundry could be seen from the cracked doorway of your bathroom, left there despite the hamper being in your bedroom one door down. The coffee table was littered with unwashed dishes, wrappers, and empty plastic bottles, and the blankets that you’d typically kept folded neatly were all strewn about - discarded on the floor or left on whichever piece of furniture you’d decided to brood on that day. 

You rarely went into your room when the boys were around, so you weren’t too concerned about the clothes and items littering the room’s floor and your bed. Your studio was, for obvious reasons, another room you didn't need to worry about...but you didn’t even want to think about the mess in the kitchen. You knew for a fact you hadn’t bothered soaking - let alone washing - any pots or pans you’d used. The murky dishwater in the sink - clouded by the few dishes you had picked up - wasn’t forgotten either. You scrambled to your feet, grabbing empty water bottles from the coffee table in front of you - stumbling in your rush to get them into the recycling bin before returning swiftly to the living room to gather the dishes you’d left behind in your indifference. You set them on the counter, having to use a bit of force to squeeze them into an open space far too small initially, before plunging your hand into the sink with a grimace and pulling the plug - draining the stagnant water from days ago. 

With the plug replaced, soap added, and the faucet turned on at a scalding temperature, you hurriedly put the dirty dishes in - grabbing the pots and pans to fill with a bit of water to let them soak in hopes that it appeared as though you weren’t living the way you had been for so long. A whispered curse left your lips as you abandoned the still-filling sink to make your way towards the bathroom - pulling the large pile of clothes into your arms with a soft grunt before trudging into your bedroom and tossing them into the hamper.

You had just gathered the wrappers from the table and thrown them away, on your way to pick up the blankets when you heard a rhythmic knock on the front door - there was no mistaking the one-three-one pattern as Changbin and Felix’s signature, seeing as you’d jointly decided as a group that this was how you’d all make it apparent who was visiting in case of a spontaneous drop-in.

Elation and panic weren’t necessarily an easy pair of emotions to blend together, but that didn’t stop your instant stiffening as your head spun to stare at the rich mahogany - knowing that, for what felt like the first time after an eternity, your friends had arrived.

Kicking blankets towards the corner as you crossed the room hurriedly, you turned the deadbolt and grabbed the knob. Goosebumps covered your arms as you held the cold metal in your hands for a moment - though you’d be remiss to blame it all on the chill - hesitating before turning it and pulling it open. “Hey,” you began before the door was even fully open, your anxiety apparent in the way your voice quavered on such a simple word, “Thanks for coming, I know that–” You were cut off by an abrupt, tightly set pair of arms wrapping around your body as Changbin, standing in front of Felix, crossed the threshold in one long and impatient stride. He didn’t say a word, simply crushing you in what could’ve easily been mistaken as a restraining hold rather than a hug. He was soon joined by Felix, who approached much more slowly and opted to hug you from the side - enveloping you between himself and Changbin with a sniffle that, despite being unable to see his face, made you absolutely certain he was crying.

“Don’t you ever disappear on us like that again,” Changbin muttered against the top of your head as he placed a chaste peck atop your unbrushed tresses, earning a nod felt against your shoulder as Felix silently agreed, likely afraid to speak considering his likelihood to sob the moment he made a sound.

The guilt you’d grown so accustomed to when you’d think about the two of them lurched in your stomach at the way relief had audibly invaded what you were sure Changbin had intended to be a scolding tone.

“I’m sorry…” you choked out, joining Felix in crying as you spoke the only words you could. The only words that felt proper, considering the circumstances. The only words appropriate after snubbing the only people with the potential to understand you during your darkest time.

“Changbin, don’t make them cry!” Felix reprimanded with a sniffle, squeezing you tighter as he shot his best attempt at a glare Changbin’s way.

“I would’ve cried anyway,” it was true, your response. If the guilt on its own wouldn’t have been enough to rouse your emotions, the relief that they came after all this time was.

Felix nodded, but sent Changbin one last playful glare as you were guided inside, making your way to the sofa in tandem, settling in to wait out the storms; raging outside and in your mind.

As the crying ceased on both Felix’s and your end, he and Changbin had questions. You’d been absent from their lives for so long, after all. It was only natural they wanted some answers.

You told them. You told them every unpretty detail.

You told them about your hand, and how despite the effort you made in rehabilitation that it would never be the same. 

You told them about the scar, and how sometimes it would hurt as if to taunt you, to remind you as soon as you thought that you were maybe, possibly okay that you would never be again. 

You told them about your solitude, surrounded by the company of dirty dishes and overfilled hampers. 

You told them about your mother, and the ultimatum she gave you regarding the way you were living. 

You told them about Hyunjin, the beautiful boy you were charged with transferring the remaining shreds of the dream you’d always dreamed to.

You told them how, despite your disdain, teaching Hyunjin forced you to make an effort to be human again. To be alive. To wash clothes and wear them clean after taking a shower. To leave your apartment.

You told them how, your own trauma aside, Hyunjin wasn’t all that bad.

You told them how, in a way, it was because of Hyunjin that you’d finally broken your silence today. How wrong it felt to be better for a stranger when the two of them had been waiting for so long.

You told them how deeply, painfully sorry you were.

And, when they told you not to apologize and that they were never going to leave you behind, asking if you’d go shopping with them tomorrow?

You told them nothing would make you happier.

When the two of them left, you felt lighter. As though a great burden had been lifted from your shoulders…or, more accurately, distributed between three sets rather than being carried by you alone.

Changbin and Felix had only been gone for about an hour when the buzz of your phone alerted you to a message from an unfamiliar number.

???: Hey! I hope this isn’t a bad time. Ms. Park gave me your number!

???: This is Hyunjin, by the way.

You knew now who the messages were coming from, though more questions were acquired than answers. 

You typed and deleted several responses ranging from, “What do you want?” which you decided seemed a bit too rude, and “Why are you contacting me?” which seemed the same, only stiffer. You finally decided on a tried and true, much more casual:

You: What’s up?

It took only a few seconds for him to respond with a simple question that - from any other mentor - would seem reasonable. Yet your heart, once lightened by the reunion with your friends, seemed to gain several pounds as it plummeted uncomfortably into your stomach.

Hyunjin: Would you be willing to come with me to the art supply store? I’m new to oils and really don’t want to grab the wrong brushes.

Technically speaking, you were perfectly capable and more than qualified to fulfill this task. In fact, at risk of sounding vain, you may be one of the best people to help him out. If he’d have asked you prior to the accident, you’d have jumped on the opportunity to help an aspiring artist purchase their first set of oil-appropriate brushes.

Under different circumstances, you’d have found great joy - fun even - in browsing an art store with someone who wanted to be there. You’d often found yourself wishing for exactly that when you’d notice the bored expressions on Felix and Changbin’s faces on the rare occasions that you’d managed to convince them to tag along. 

This, however, was not under those circumstances.

You were not excited. You were not looking forward to it. You would never have wished for this in a million years.

And, despite the fact that Changbin and Felix were; you were not the same.

You debated ghosting him, acting as if you’d perhaps dozed off or set your phone down and lost track of time. You considered telling him to ask the clerk for help instead, despite knowing that they probably knew the bare minimum and were only working there for a paycheck, not passion, and would likely encourage him to buy the most expensive option rather than the most effective. You even considered simply saying, “No.”

You likely would have gone with any of these options had it not been for the way he’d grown on you. 

Perhaps it was his apologetic nature during last week’s lesson, when you’d displayed an unexpected level of emotion following his innocent query regarding you painting. 

Or perhaps it was the ease with which he offered to drop the subject. 

Maybe it could even have a little bit to do with the warmth of his work, and the way it made you feel something other than empty or angry - however briefly, before jealousy took over - for the first time since the accident.

Regardless of why, you did not, in fact, choose any of your reflexive responses. Instead, you agreed, telling him to meet you in about an hour, cleverly choosing a shop other than the one you were once a regular at despite the further distance. 

You simply couldn’t handle the barrage of questions Hyunjin would likely have should you be recognized; should it come to light that you had lied to him. That you were, in fact, a painter once.

Once.

The reminder, though self-inflicted, still stung as you gathered your bag and jacket, a pit in your gut still present even as you locked up and made your way to the roadside to hail a taxi. The drive did little to remedy it either, and you found yourself unable to match the smile you were greeted with as Hyunjin spotted you exiting the cab.

“Hey! Thanks again for agreeing even though it was last minute!” he called warmly, jogging up to meet you halfway.

You simply nodded, adjusting the bag over your shoulder and gesturing towards the shop in an attempt to occupy him with something other than expressing his thanks.

There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that if it weren’t for the way the brightness of his smile only seemed to accentuate the shadows of your envy, allowing it to grow and fester despite your intentions to be a good teacher to him.

Luckily, he took the hint without breaking stride, walking a few paces ahead of you as you entered the shop. You watched as he paused, eyes wide and curious, until he smiled once more upon spotting the aisle labeled brushes. You followed along at your same slow pace even as he rushed ahead towards it, finding him with two different sets in each hand as you caught up to him.

Reading the furrow of his brow as an internal debate over which was better, you spoke up from behind him, “Neither of those are what you want.”

He jumped, as if the few second gap between your arrivals in this aisle were enough to startle him. It was endearing, in a way, and you couldn’t help but let out the tiniest laugh in the form of a dry scoff.

Setting both sets down, Hyunjin chuckled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head as he turned to face you, “Which ones then?” he asked, choosing not to acknowledge his brief moment of fright as he gestured with a grand sweeping motion to the display racks.

“Let’s see,” you murmured back to him, letting him off without any teasing, instead taking a few strides forward with your eyes on the rack and skimming each set for a specific logo - a simple white outline of a lily - belonging to the brand you preferred.

Used to prefer.

A pause imperceptible to anyone but yourself made itself in your stride, but you focused on the task at hand. You could handle this. It was just picking out brushes. It wasn’t a taunt from the universe, despite the way it felt. It wasn’t a cruel joke. It was just picking out brushes.

So why was your heart racing like you were about to get thrown into a pit of lions?

Swallowing your own nerves, you reached out to sift through the rack, finally producing the same set of brushes you’d once started with on your own journey, before it had been cut short, and handed it over to Hyunjin.

“These are gonna be your best bet,” you supplied, hoping he’d leave it at that.

Whether it was luck or a bit of intuition on Hyunjin’s part, he did just that.

“Thanks, I would’ve been staring at the rack like a fool for at least twenty minutes if not for you,” he said with a quiet laugh, tucking the set under his arm.

“Think of how many people could have startled you in that time,” you gave an attempt to banter, at which his quiet laughter exploded into a bright, vibrant cackle - out of place both from someone as beautiful as he was, and someplace as quiet as this.

He quickly smacked his hand over his mouth, eyes widening as he continued to snicker, “Since when are you funny?” he asked between subdued snorts.

“There’s more to me than you know.”

What a double-edged answer, considering all that you were actively hiding from him.

“Besides,” you began, keen to distract your mind from the discomfort of dwelling on secrets you kept from Hyunjin, “It wasn’t really that funny.”

A shake of his head prefaced the assurance you hadn’t asked for, “Trust me, I don’t laugh like that often! In fact, believe it or not, I try not to be noisy in quiet, public spaces.”

“Oh, is that so?” you responded with a laugh that felt foreign falling from your lips, shaking your head, “In that case, I will do my utmost to keep my hilarity to a minimum.”

Hyunjin exhaled a small snort from his nose, giving an over-dramatic bow - complete with a flourish - before speaking in an deliberately ostentatious tone, “I am most grateful.”

You shook your head, shoving his arm playfully to spur him back into standing, “Ready to check out?” you asked him, hoping the answer was yes. You wanted - no, needed - to leave. 

It wasn’t Hyunjin, by any means. If it were anything but art supplies, you’d actually have quite enjoyed this outing. Hyunjin was good company, once you’d given him a chance. You’d smiled more today than you had in a long while, your cheeks hurting from the lack of use prefacing today.

Hyunjin was warm, bright like the sun, perfectly good company. He was funny without being a tryhard. He was unabashed in his individuality, from the way he bantered to the guffaw you could still hear echoing in your mind.

It definitely wasn’t Hyunjin.

Despite not being your old favorite, being inside of a supply shop still gave you an unwelcome feeling of nostalgia. The scent was the same, regardless of what shop you went to, and you could swear the once-comforting aroma was now a foul stench, something you’d likely shower away when you got home.

“Just about, I need a couple canvases and a few tubes of paint,” he answered absently, blissfully unaware of just how dire of straits you were in.

You nodded, waving him away playfully with your hand in hopes he’d gather what he needed quickly, walking up the aisle to wait near the register for him. You weren’t about to abandon him here, now that the job of finding brushes he’d spontaneously tasked you with was complete. You weren’t that desperate.

It was close, though.

You crossed your arms, leaning back against the counter. A scoff was earned from the cashier, but you were more than used to ignoring people after your recent experience, allowing you to stay put without so much as an apologetic glance. 

You shuffled, growing antsier with every moment you waited for Hyunjin. You weren’t exactly spatially aware, and nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard a clatter following the brushing of your bag against the countertop.

“Sorry,” you muttered, ignoring the way the cashier rolled their eyes at you as you bent down to pick up what had fallen. 

It was obvious that it was a set of brushes, considering the shape of the package. As you lifted it, something possessed you; whether it be curiosity or masochism, you turned the set around in your hands to get a good look at it.

The first thing you noticed was a simple white lily.

What were the odds? Of anything you could’ve accidentally bumped, it just had to be something you were intimately familiar with? You shook your head, fighting the urge to roll your eyes before you realized that perhaps you weren’t as familiar with this set as you once thought.

Next to the logo was a small, ornate ‘7.’ The last you knew, there were only six sets from this brand. 

For the briefest moment, excitement coursed through your veins. Your eyes lit up, your lips twitched in anticipation of a smile. This brand always had such great improvements with every set they released, and you weren’t sure they’d ever release a new one. You owned all six prior sets, and wouldn’t part with them for anything in the world. 

And then it hit you.

And the smile that had begun forming dropped.

And you felt sick to your stomach.

Because you would not use these brushes. You no longer used the other six sets.

You would never feel the difference in the improved handle shape, how comfortable it would feel in your hand with the carefully formed grooves.

You wouldn’t buy them without a second thought, as you once would’ve. You wouldn’t rush home to lock yourself away until someone came to check on you; because you wouldn’t need checked on, considering you’d never get so sucked into painting that you’d forget the outside world ever again.

“Hey! Sorry I took so long!” Hyunjin chirped from behind you, making you jerk your head up towards him.

“Oh, uh, no problem,” you managed, though you sounded more robotic than you’d intended. You set the brushes down on the counter, quickly enough that you nearly knocked over the rest of the display, “I’m gonna wait outside, okay?” 

Confusion furrowed the man’s brow as he tilted his head, inquisitive gaze locked on you as though he could find the answers he sought in your face if he stared long enough, “Uh…sure. You okay?”

Damn him. 

Damn his earnest concern and his functional fucking hands. 

Damn his too-loud laugh and his ability to get so lost comparing sets of brushes that your return after only a few seconds startled him.

Damn his drive to improve, damn the way he made you smile, and damn the universe for bringing him into your life now; when you’d lost the ability to fully appreciate him.

“I’m fine,” you lied with a forced smile, nodding your head quickly, “Just need some air.”

“Oh…sure,” Hyunjin answered slowly, returning the smile - though the furrowed brows remained, betraying the concern he still felt. “I’ll try to be quick.”

“Take your time,” you called over your shoulder, having already been walking as fast as was socially acceptable indoors the moment you’d heard the first syllable of a positive response. 

Your chest felt tight, your heart in a vice as you gritted your teeth, forcing air into your lungs in short little gasps. The doors seemed so far, and your steps felt too slow…but you did eventually make it outside, sitting down on a bench as you ran a hand through your hair and stared up at the sky, focusing on getting your breath under control before Hyunjin was finished.

God forbid you give him yet another reason to worry. It was ironic that, despite becoming his mentor to avoid such a fate, you didn’t doubt he may be wondering if you should be institutionalized considering your proclivity to lose your composure around him.

By the time he returned, you were as composed as you’d get considering the thoughts swirling tumultuously in your mind. A tight lipped smile from your end was returned brightly by Hyunjin, all traces of furrowed brows and concern completely wiped from his now elated face.

“I didn’t take too long, did I?” he asked as you rose from the bench. 

“Not at all,” you shook your head as you spoke, silently grateful that he’d taken as long as he had. You didn’t want to imagine how he’d look right now if you’d still been struggling to breathe upon his return.

“That’s a relief,” his voice sounded…excited somehow. Like a child eager for praise - his eyes wide and bright and his lips still upturned happily. You wondered what, exactly, had brought him into this state of mind…though you didn’t need to wait long.

He reached into the white paper bag, his slender fingers grabbing something out and lifting it.

The first thing you saw; a white lily. The second; the number ‘7.’

Your stomach sank. Was this a joke? You already struggled to teach him, considering his ability to do what you no longer could…and now he was going to use the brushes you never would? Internally, you wondered if rage or sadness would  be more appropriate - despite the answer being neither, considering he didn’t know any better.

Damn him.

Damn his –

“I noticed you were looking at these when I came up to check out,” he began, cutting off your internal rant, and earning a disconcerted tilt of the head from you.

“And?” you asked, a bit too sharply to be towards someone who was simply making conversation. 

It isn’t his fault, don’t be a dick, you reminded yourself, gritting your teeth.

“And,” he drew out the word, treating your venom as though it was nothing more than a continuation of the simple banter you’d shared in the brush aisle, “I wanted to thank you for all of your help so far, but you don’t share much.” He paused, holding the set out towards you.

No. 

Oh, please no.

Your heart lurched into your throat as you realized…he didn’t buy them for his own use. He got them for you. 

He was giving you the very object that had spurred your hasty retreat from the shop in the first place. 

Damn him. 

Damn him and the way his eyes bored into yours, waiting for a response besides a dumbfounded drop of your jaw.

Damn him and the way that, despite thinking he had done something good, he was just like a housecat. Bringing you a dead rat, very proud and completely unaware that you did not want to touch it. 

Waiting for praise. For gratitude.

He must have noticed your silence, because his bright smile turned into more of a shy, half-upturned grin, his voice softer and filled with significantly less glee.

“It’s just…You looked excited for a second when you picked them up, so I figured they must be important, even though you said you didn’t paint,” he paused to laugh under his breath…but not like he had earlier. This was not joyful, it reeked of self-deprecation and embarrassment.

Damn him and his ability to make you feel guilty for the feelings you cannot control.

“Shit, I’m sorry–” you wondered for a moment why he was apologizing for such a kind gesture, but got your answer in the form of wetness becoming apparent on your cheeks. He reached out with his sleeve, wiping at the tears, looking and sounding so very panicked. 

You shook your head, ignoring the comfort his hands brushing away your sadness brought, and wondered if he even knew exactly what he was apologizing for. Surely he knows he did nothing wrong…before the accident, you would’ve likely crushed him in a hug upon being given the exact gift that had you in shambles now.

“It’s stupid, you told me you didn’t paint,” he sighed deeply, looking down at you with that same worried, furrowed brow he’d shown inside. He lowered his hand from your face - his perfectly functional, unscarred hand - and rummaged through the bag with it, “I should’ve asked if you wanted them, I’m sorry.” 

You couldn’t do anything other than shake your head, the ability to form words gone as you struggled to even garner a single cohesive thought.

“I’m sure I can bring them back, I kept the receipt–”

“No!”

You surprised yourself with the quickness with which you declined his offer to rid you of this accidental reminder of what you’d lost; quicker still had you reached out and snatched the set from his hands, holding it tightly to your chest.

“No..?” Hyunjin asked, the slightest hint of relief creeping into his voice - so subtle and tentative. So ready to return the brushes and apologize again at the first sign of discontent.

You were just as surprised as he was, unsure of what possessed you to decline the offer that would remove the unwelcome reminder. 

Maybe it was the pride with which he’d presented them to you, or a desire to wipe the worry from his expression. 

Or, maybe it was simply a dream refusing to die.

“No,” you repeated, shaking your head and looking up at him. Tears no longer fell, and you sniffled quietly as you felt your lips pull up into the smallest of smiles.

“Are you sure?” he asked slowly, as if prepared at any time to take the brushes back to the cashier. You gave him a nod and tucked the brushes away in your bag.

“Absolutely.”

Hyunjin nodded, and as per usual didn’t press any further. Hyunjin was good about that, aside from your initial meeting. It was easy to assume he’d learned not to delve too deep into your psyche following the abrupt exit you’d made.

The only question he’d asked after your acceptance of the brushes was if you’d like to share a cab, to which you agreed, standing at his side as he hailed the first one to come by.

You watched out the window as the cityscape blurred by, keeping your gaze on the window. It was easy to get lost in your own mind with the drone of the tires on asphalt serving as white noise, easily lulling you into tangential thought. 

Perhaps there was more about Hyunjin that you envied, aside from his ability to paint. To dream.

Everything seemed to roll right off of him. The moments you’d seen him concerned were so easily put behind him. He didn’t dwell. He didn’t linger. He moved forward, unstoppable despite the way you were effectively acting as a roadblock.

He kept showing up to lessons following the very first one, in which you could readily admit you did not make the best first impression.

You wished you could do that, move forward without looking back. If it were a skill to be taught, maybe you could ask Hyunjin for lessons in exchange for the ones you gave him.

With that thought in your mind, you finally spoke into the silence of the backseat.

“What would you do if you woke up tomorrow and couldn’t paint?”

You heard Hyunjin rustle across the seat, his breath coming out in an extended sigh as he contemplated how to answer. You didn’t need to tell him what happened to you in order to pick his brain, you’d realized.

“You mean like…if I forgot how to?” he asked, his tone riddled with confusion.

“No,” you murmured, turning your gaze from the window to look at him, “I mean…If something happened to make you lose your ability.”

Hyunjin hummed, looking up at the roof of the cab as he rubbed his chin in thought, his head tilted back against the headrest.

You couldn’t help but wish you had the luxury of considering this situation as rhetorical.

Finally speaking up as the vehicle came to a stop in front of your apartment, Hyunjin let his head loll over without lifting to look at you, “I wouldn’t accept that,” he answered firmly, “I’d keep trying until I could again.”

You didn’t realize you were laughing until the sound came out of your mouth, earning a befuddled look from your companion, his lower lip jutting out slightly.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, looking almost offended, as though there were some inside joke he desperately wanted to understand but wouldn’t get an explanation to.

You simply shook your head, waving a hand and stopping your laughter with a sigh, “Nothing, nothing at all,” you mused, lips still upturned in amusement as you got out of the cab, closing the door and walking up the steps to your apartment, turning around at the door to wave goodbye.

Still appearing painfully puzzled, Hyunjin lifted his hand to wave back. Though, considering the slowness of the action, it could hardly be considered such.

As the cab pulled away, you made your way inside. Locking the door and removing your shoes, you picked up the brushes and set them down on the coffee table, a wistful smile on your lips as one thought echoed over and over in your mind.

If only it were that easy.

[cbedfordart]

Hey! I’ve been following you for a while and I really love your art, it’s absolutely stunning and I love the way you paint and capture anatomy. I know this is a bit of a broad question but I was wondering if you had any tips on getting better at painting digitally and studying anatomy, maybe more specifically blending, colour picking, and structuring anatomy in a way that looks somewhat realistic?

Thanks and I'm glad you enjoy my work long enough to be following me for this long! I definitely love drawing a naked body that's for sure haha. In terms of tips for getting better there's a few things I can mention but it's going to fall broadly in the general answer of "study", because this is the most sure fire way to be able to understand what it is you're trying to emulate in your art. There are different ways to study, and they teach something slightly different. For example, doing studies from life (live drawing classes) help me understand movement in a way studying from a photograph cant, simply because you're seeing the same model in different poses in real time, you can see how the fat and muscle moves around as they shift to different positions. So they're not technically moving the whole time, but you're still seeing some movement there, and understanding what sticks to what while it rotates and bends. Studying from photographs can help give you time to do some real deep dives and investigate where different bones/muscles sit while someone is in a particular position. There's also the opportunity for understanding how shadows may be formed by the body as typically photographers are more conscious of how the subject may be lit than what may be available in a live drawing class. Beware though, as more things are photoshopped than you realise, not all photos represent reality. Especially glam and fashion photos. It doesn't mean its bad to want to have these effects on your work but just be conscious they might not always be anatomy accurate if that's what you're striving for. I sometimes make a conscious decision to go against what is anatomically correct for a certain effect myself. A book I have been recommending for years for anatomy is Dr. Paul RIcher's "Artistic Anatomy". It's great for understanding muscle structure intimately - it's designed specifically for artists, but with the idea of trying to stylise the diagrams as little as possible for the sake of understanding the human form. There's a lot of great info and detail in here, but beware, there is not a lot of variety in body structure (at least not in the edition I have which is missing female anatomy I think already so I'm not sure what else I don't have in here). So you'll be able to understand function a lot from here but you wont be able to learn a lot about fatter body types sadly.

Colour picking is probably the most difficult for me to explain easily, as I have spent a long time winging it, then studying it, then being really experimental with it. I could write a lot a lot about this but to spare making this post any longer I'll refer to another fun book just for getting started on some frequent and common terms called "Color and Light" by James Gurney.

I also love that he uses like, dinosaurs for everything in here lol. It's a great starting point that can give you some go to ideas that you can then experiment from there. It's not very authoritarian (or at least that's what I feel), and doesn't push anything forward as a hard and fast rule, just showing what affects some colour combinations might instil in someone.

As a whole, I've gotten better at painting digitally by studying traditional painting techniques. They theories are basically transferrable one to one with some few exceptions. I tend to blend my colours by simply using a soft round brush in Photoshop with a low opacity. Much the same way I would with a real canvas, with a large round brush and diluted colour. I hope this answers your questions in some way. I tried to be not too specific only because this answer would be at least another 30k words lol because this is something i think a lot about! I love technique! If I ever stream again, feel free to pop in and ask more questions where I might be able to show some stuff in real time! Not sure when that will happen though!

Also the way i do stuff isn't a "correct" way either. I like painting from imagination so this is how I make that work. Some people like to only work with references for every piece, and that is a completely legit way to create stunning art as well. Good luck!

[savingthrcw]

about to try to write but I'm overwhelming myself and my brain doesn't know where to start. I want: -to ask people I don't have threads with to rp again, and to plot -to write replies from my drafts -to add more characters and somehow USE ALL OF THEM, it's not even a case of just wanting to add them for aesthetic and reblog moodboards, no, I want threads! nevermind that some of them are ocs and people have a life and can't run after me, I want to write, if I find people willing to give them a go I will literally write ten starters at once! -but also, do my icon commission! -also make my own icons! -I want to finish watching the Rookie and then binge watch 4-6 other series -I want to watch movies from my to-watch list -I want to take a master degree in tutoring kids with dsas -I want to follow a course that explains/teaches how to deal with computers and how they work -I want to start tutoring kids again -I want to keep studying math that I haven't done yet to add it to my tutoring yet I need to focus on English but I don't know what else to add, I can't practice pronounce by myself -I want to try digitally painting again -I want to play videogames

this in the body of a chronically ill person who in the span of 48 hours was hit with hand and arm pain, eye pain, head pain, stomach pain, got sick, and needs to lay down

[thana-topsy]

Have you taken any art classes (college or online). Or have you always been self taught?

(I think I might have seen an ask like this before but I can’t remember)

I went to college for art! I was a studio art major for two years before switching majors, so I've had a good deal of formal training in anatomy, still life, illustration, etc. I know people who are self-taught that have far surpassed my skill level though, so formal training is a great head start, but it isn't the end-all, be-all in terms of becoming a competent artist.

I AM self-taught in terms of digital painting. The digital painting class I took in college didn't teach me a single thing I hadn't already figured out on my own. But I've been using some form of digital painting program since about 2007 (when I was in high school, yes I'm An Old), and it's been trial, error, and looking up online tutorials. I used to look up the step by step tutorials on deviantArt before Youtube became what it is today.

But these days I'm definitely self-taught. I've considered picking up some painting classes, just to keep my skills sharp, but I unfortunately don't have time right now. So I try to force myself to do little life drawing exercises now and then.

[mrsshabana]

Can you give a few tips on digital art? I'd love to get into it but I'm not sure how to start, what equipment/apps do you use? Thank youu 💞

♡ 𝑫𝒊𝒈𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝑨𝒓𝒕 𝑻𝒊𝒑𝒔 ♡

Of course! I would love to give some digital art tips! My first tip is to just have fun! If you are drawing for yourself and just want to have fun, then draw however you want that makes it the most fun experience for you! ଘ( ･ω･)_/ﾟ･:*:･｡☆ 𝑬𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒑𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔

I use Clip Studio Paint, for most of my digital paintings. Though I started off using Photoshop. I used to only use photoshop but I would not recommend it for beginners as it is expensive and difficult to learn. I would definitely recommend Clip Studio Paint as it's much cheaper and easier to learn.

I use the Huion Kamvas 13 drawing tablet. That is the link to the exact one I got from Amazon. It's a lot cheaper than Wacom tablets and it works just as good. I've been using this one for years and it's been great!

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕

I would recommend starting by drawing what you see. What I mean by that, is look up photos of things and try to replicate them as much as you can. I did this for a long time (probably too long) but it helped me immensely. Because everything we draw is based on what we see, so if you can replicate that then you can draw anything.

For example, if you know you want to get really good at drawing Gyutaro, I would look up male bodies and draw them. (Real bodies, not drawings or cartoons).

𝑨𝒓𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒚𝒍𝒆

This may be controversial, but personal art styles don't really exist. This is the first thing I learned in art school and I think it was one of the most important things I learned.

What I mean by this, is that no one owns any particular art style. An art style is developed in many ways but it mostly emerges from combining other art styles or stems from another art style.

People worry way too much about "finding their art style". Don't do this, it's a waste of time. After time each artist develops a way of drawing that comes naturally to them but that comes over many years, so don't try to force it to happen. And when it does happen, don't stick to one art style!

I would say it is most beneficial to teach yourself multiple art styles. Every time I start a new drawing I try to figure out what art style I want to draw in. I do this by going through the art I've saved on Pinterest. I'll see something I like and make a set of rules that I have to follow while drawing in order to replicate that specific art style.

Not only is it more fun being able to draw in multiple art styles, but it's necessary if you want a career in art. (By career I don't mean doing commissions, I mean being hired by a company to make art. Like a concept artist for example.)

If you're worried about what art styles to try, just try any one that catches your eye! Or you can start by trying to draw realism. That's what I did, and it's very difficult and time consuming but if you can master realism then you can succeed at almost any art style a lot easier.

𝑹𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔

I cannot stress how important references are! If you do not use references when drawing then you are setting yourself up for failure.

References are photos you use to look at as a guide when drawing. For example, let's say I want to draw Gyutaro swimming in a pool. I'd look up photos (references) of Gyutaro so when I'm drawing him I can look back at them to make sure I am drawing him correctly. I would also look up photo's of a guy swimming, I would use this photo to guide me when drawing the pose and also when drawing the water etc.

So always use references!! And don't be afraid to copy poses either, it saves lots of time and is very helpful for learning how to draw anatomy. Don't be afraid to use yourself as a reference either.

For example, when I drew Gyutaro having a pillow fight I couldn't find a good reference for the pose that I had in mind. So I just took a photo of myself in that pose! I look nothing like Gyutaro, but a body is a body. I used my photo as a reference to draw the skeleton and then changed the body shape to match Gyutaro's.

𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒔 !!

My biggest tip for anyone, but especially beginners is to make guides before you draw any piece! Here is an example of one that I did for an assignment in my Manga Art class in college.

I wanted to do an art style similar to Death Note but I also wanted it to have a retro vibe too. So I made this Art style/Reference guide. I compiled images that represented the art style I was going for and took notes for things that I thought would be important to keep in mind when drawing.

I still do this a lot when drawing, especially if I'm trying out a new art style I'm not very familiar with.

𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑨𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒓𝒕

People always ask me how do I draw Gyutaro so accurately. Well, I'm about to tell you how!

I draw him all the time, so lot's of practice. But there is a certain thing I find really helps when trying to accurately draw a character's face.

We'll use Gyutaro as an example

Find a photo of Gyutaro's face that you want to practice with (not fanart, it must be either from the anime or the manga).

Look at the photo closely, and try to draw it as accurately as you can.

Now, on a new canvas, try to draw the same photo of Gyutaro again but without looking at the reference. (Just using your memory) And give yourself a time limit too, no longer than 5 minutes.

Compare your drawing to the photo. How accurate is it? Probably not very accurate yet, but that's ok! Look closely at your drawing and compare it to the original. What is wrong with it? Are the eyes too small? Is the mouth placed too high?

Figure out what is wrong and fix it next time. Repeat these steps until you are able to draw Gyutaro's face accurately without looking at the reference photo.

If you are still struggling after a while try tracing over the original image a few times. This can help you memorize the structure of his face.

It may take a while but eventually you'll get to the point where you are able to draw Gyutaro's face accurately without looking at the reference photo!

This tip works for everything by the way, not just character's faces. I use it for everything! I used to suck at drawing hands, so I did these steps but with a photo of a hand, and now I can draw hands! Use these steps for anything you feel is difficult for you to draw accurately. It's great for learning anatomy.

Here's an example of the final results when I did these steps. The drawing on the right is what I was able to do at the end just from memory.

ﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤　𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝓨𝓸𝓾　﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟ

I know I wrote a lot, but I hope these tips helped someone! And if you have any questions about anything I mentioned here, feel free to ask! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

[your-magloving-satinwhistle]

Aaaaaand look what I found! This was my first Mag look ever!

Granted... Granted this was just me trying to trace and replicate it on Clip Studio Paint when I was like.... 18? 19? ... Around the age I had a computer to teach myself digital art and I actually drew. This shit was hard and I quit, but it's all I have left of her!

I miss her. I changed color schemes to try and experiment and literally "color my journey", and then I had to replace her with Mag Prime for space. ...... I'm so sad, omg😭

OH SHIT NEVERMIND! It was dark so I missed it!

AND THIS! YES! I didn't even remember saving these! YES!

I'll post my Mag look progression later, this is a nostalgia post! A reunion post! A reminiscing post! YES!

[traumatizedjaguar]

Hi I love your blog, a lot. Still processing some horrific things of my own. How do you get through the darkest moments? I hate mine.

Honestly for me how I got through some dark moments...

Music. Usually a technique I learned from therapy was putting music on that was the opposite of my current emotion; if I was sad or depressed or whatever I'd put happy tunes on or if I was angry, calming tunes. Sometimes finding music that allowed me to let out emotions too like if I was angry I'd listen to a few angry songs from Slipknot for example and have a little session to myself, then I'd go relax. Music affects my mood, but it's not like that for everyone. I made a playlist for "abuse recovery" meaning the songs are more uplifting, makes me feel like a warrior.

Survivors stories. Listening to others stories of their complex abuse they've been through and saving them all in a word document to go back to later. Finding people I relate to who've been through the EXACT same abuse I have been through. It helps finding out you're not the only scapegoat or you're not the only one with many abusers and rapists. It helps to know I've met people with 15, 16, 18, and 25 abusers before.

Meditation. It sounds stupid to most people but if you research the affects meditation has on the human body and brain when you use it daily or on a consistent schedule in the long-term, it's amazing to know what it does for you. It's hard at first, but eventually you get used to it. And sometimes I have a focus point when meditating, such as listening to my breathing going in and out in a quiet space so my thoughts don't drift; because drifting thoughts or worrying isn't meditating so like I said, it's hard at first. But your mind gets so used to it after awhile.

Changing my environment. I've rearranged my whole room, put posters up, painted it so it feels like I'm in a different house sometimes. Adding something new and different to your life like a hobby or something you've never tried and do it often, it can be a good distraction. I like using distractions often.

(TW: God mention. Skip this paragraph if needed be. This one might just be me) Putting my faith in God Our Creator and having had many communications with him before. Sharing my space with him, inviting him on walks with me, telling him about my day although he sees everything I do, and asking him about his "day". I got into talking to Norse gods and the Creator and it has helped so much knowing a divine entity who created everything in the universe wants me to be safe and heal and actually told me this in many ways; who tells me he loves me and knows I'm a very loved good soul in his eyes. (I try but never feel that way).

Doing the scary thing and reaching out. I have reached out to people and told them my story and told them about my abusers and they've believed me. Focusing only on the ones who believed me even though my story is insanity with abusive parents, abusive brother and abusive exes who all smear campaigned me and many of them raped me too. No matter how much complex abuse, there was people out there and other victims who took my side. I only focus on the good ones, not the bad ones who don't believe me. Because once I shut out EVERYONE except the good ones, then my world only has love in it.

>>Making word documents for healing. I learned I was in a freeze state recently and I've been teaching myself about it through online trauma therapists (I'm so happy to be living in the digital age) and I've learned about it and I'm doing the work necessary everyday to teach my brain different and rewire it. It's also why I shut down around abusers and can barely speak even when I want to.

>>Trauma therapists: Crappy Childhood Fairy, Patrick Teahan to name a few. Patrick Teahan helped me so much specifying types of sibling abuse that were SO SPECIFIC to what ive been through and scapegoating in family systems, he taught me about how some family systems gang up against one family member (so like 6 family members for example, against one of the kids in order to scapegoat properly there's many abusers in most situations) and how im not the only one with many abusers in one family and im not the only scapegoat. He also made videos that were WAYYYY to specific to the abuse I endured and wayyyy to specific to the behaviors and belief system my abusers held. He has so many great videos for people like me. First time I listened to a few of his videos on family abuse, I was overwhelmed with emotion and joy and it made my heart and stomach flutter. I love Patrick Teahan so much and hes a real therapist too.

Make stuff, build stuff, start projects.

[geminid]

The other ask about college reminded me, I just brought a physical copy of superbright to my college professor, I took digital painting with him and now he's letting me sit in on his life drawing class. He did a quick flip through and he liked it! He also immediately said "yeah if you like this art get into the history, who did they learn from?" I've only been following you for 2ish years? And it's just been what's landed on my dash. But I looove your pieces, the coloring on the backgrounds versus how Leo and Takumi are drawn, and then the pieces like the mainly pink diner.

So yeah mainly wanted to say you're super cool! Things that you learned from would be neat to see but no pressure.

hi i was honestly very shocked to read that you would show this to your professor who is probably a really great artist but im glad he liked it? ???

i answered the rest of this under the cut

as far as my art history goes, i have no academic background in art so i'm just making stuff up. i think like a lot of kids I got my roots in wanting to draw like shoujo manga, particularly the big eyed round faces of the early 2000s. I would just try to copy the eyes or something. To this day I honestly don't really look at tutorials or watch speedpaints i kind of just look at finished art and try to emulate the things I like about them. It's very simplistic I think and perhaps means I don't make art that's as clean or efficient as people who actually go out and try to learn how pro artists actually draw.

i went on pixiv a lot as a teen and followed like 1000+ artists and looked at a lot of art all the time. I was really enamored by people who could draw characters and backgrounds, like fuzichoco. (this is a super weird fun fact but one of my favorite artists in like 2011-2012 who specialized in like drawing beautiful girls with beautiful backgrounds ended up getting into leokumi under a different name/account and i was their mutual! and i didnt realize this until rather recently. im too shy to share the name tho. my teen self is throttling me btw). I Really wanted to learn how to draw backgrounds so i had to go through the struggle of teaching myself perspective and later on downloading 3d software so i could see boxes on the same plane at angles lol.

When I see art I like I try to capture the essence of what it is I liked about it in a piece (maybe one time its desaturated colors, and the next its dramatically long legs, or adding blur to the foreground), and i decide if it worked out and I want to keep doing it. Some stuff i definitely continue to use is i draw upper eyelashes the way i do because of Sata (touken ranbu, feh artist) and i started drawing leo with weird non-blond hair colors because of Araki (the jjba mangaka, who often colors his characters in alternate palettes than their "canon"). Even though i think there are stuff im a bit rigid about, like i always kinda stay in the realm of anime style, I'm still trying to keep trying out stuff I see in other artists, not just even anime artists but everyone's favorite Leyendecker or Mucha, or I'll take photos of random stuff to file away as an idea. Like I have a photo of leaves my coworker collected that have a nice green to pink gradient that I took for inspiration.

As far as the diner picture goes I think to pull off that piece I needed to practice making art with less colors and also less contrast. Similar shades of pink take up most of the picture with teals being a secondary color and avoiding adding other colors in large amounts. I think the linework is doing a lot of work in that piece. I had to google a photo of a person sitting at a diner table for the perspective.

idk if this answers anything but it was fun to think about?