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'tis the damn season | Chapter 9

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Julie/Cece (OC, no physical description)

Word count: 6K

Synopsis: After six years away from home, Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin was finally going to make his parents happy and surprise his family by spending Christmas in Magnolia, Texas. Introducing his pregnant fiancee to his family is a culture clash, with rural Texas meeting California influencer. Though unhappy in his relationship, Jake knows he has to buckle down and do the right thing with a baby on the way.

The last person he expected to run into was his high school sweetheart and the one that got away, Julie.

The holidays are already going to be hard enough for Julie. Her home baking business, which had started as a fun side project, exploded after a few TikToks went viral. Just when she was getting the hang of juggling her job and business, tragedy struck. Facing her first Christmas as an orphan, the last thing Julie expected was to hear that once familiar nickname - Cece.

After almost a decade apart, Jake and Julie can't help but feel that old familiar spark. Even with the realities of their lives pressing in, they can't help but wonder what might have happened if just one of them had fought for their relationship all those years ago.

Chapter 8 | Master List | Ao3

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Chapter 9

"Hangman, my office - now."

Jake closed his eyes as the door to the Ready Room slammed shut, the silence after Cyclone's order already overwhelming. He could feel the other aviators staring and set down his nearly full cup of coffee, scrubbing a hand down his face. The soft clanking of his g-suit clips was the only sound in the room as he forced his head high and strode into the hallway, following in the air boss's wake.

Cyclone barked for him to come in when he knocked, and Jake stood at attention in front of his desk. He tried to keep his eyes on the wall over his shoulder, but he could see how the vice admiral clenched his jaw and heard the tap of his pen on the desk. "Sir -"

"Did I say you could speak, Lieutenant?" Silenced, Jake forced himself to take a breath and make sure he didn't slouch. It was another minute of tapping before his superior spoke. "I want to know why the hell the base is getting calls about your personal life…legal, the gate shacks, and even the base commander's office. And then I hear that it's not only us - Coronado is also hearing about your sex life. So why is that, Hangman?"

A wave of dread hit him. He hadn't thought, perhaps naively, that what Shayla did would get back to his job. He didn't live online - hell, his social media hadn't been updated in months, except for his ex tagging him in stuff, though his follower account was high. Cece's business was connected to her social media, so it had made sense for them to make that connection. But him? Why the hell would anyone call the fucking base? "Sir," he started again after clearing his throat. "I -"

"Save it. I've seen both videos." Cyclone ran a hand down his face before resuming his pen tapping while looking out the window. "Conduct Unbecoming," he muttered, and Jake froze. Catching this, Cyclone turned his gaze back to the younger aviator. "Conduct Unbecoming of an Officer and a Gentleman. They're tossing around the idea of hitting you with an Article 15."

Anger battled with worry at his pristine record being marked with disciplinary action. Being known for violating the Uniform Code of Military Justice. If he accepted it, an Article 15 would save him from a trial and court-martial, where he would face fines or confinement at best, lose a rank, or be dishonorably discharged at worst. The Article 15 still held a penalty. He could deal with a 30-day restriction or even his paycheck being halved for two months - it would hurt, but he could do it. But it could impact his ability to be promoted. Every time he went up for a rank, there would always be an asterisk next to his name and accomplishments. It would be on his Fitness for Duty report, marked under behavioral.

Because his fucking ex lied.

Her fucking lie made them think he'd acted dishonorably. Brought shame to the Navy. Impacted his ability to command subordinates. That her posting the video would impact his mission capability.

Jake swallowed hard, refusing to acknowledge the angry tears pricking his eyes. For years, he'd always thought his greatest regret would be letting Cece go in Virginia, but now he knew it was talking to Shayla that night at the Hard Deck.

The clicking of computer keys snapped Jake out of his shame spiral, and Cyclone's lips pressed into a thin line. "Activation orders are in your inbox. A new mission came in before the holidays, and I was going to wait to issue orders until after the new year, but the timing's perfect for getting you the hell out of my sight. The SEALs need aerial support and requested two of my best. Unfortunately, that includes you. You'll need to do a SERE refresher before deploying."

Jake's throat tightened at the mention of SERE. Like all pilots, he'd participated in Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape training. While the experience was invaluable, he could never entirely forget the feeling of being waterboarded or the screams of the woman in their squad who had been captured by the instructors and thrown into a pit. The rest of the team had been forced to listen, hiding in the grass as the instructors poured buckets of water over her until she was treading to keep her head above water, yelling at her to give up the intel.

"How long is the deployment, sir?"

"The earliest refresher course is in Kittery, so you'll be headed to Maine in three weeks, then back here for a month of training before deploying. The mission length is unclear, but we expect to be on radio blackout for its entirety. Now, get the fuck out of my office."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh, and Hangman?" Jake paused with one foot out the door. "Keep your private life off the goddamn internet."

"Sir."

Julie's eyes were heavy as she stared at her computer, resisting the urge to drop her head into her hands. Rather than head into the bank, she'd called out of work. She knew it was putting her supervisor in a bind, especially since a lot of the parents were still out taking care of their kids who were out of school for the holiday. Still, she would sit at the counter covering for the tellers instead of processing loan applications in her office. Opening herself up for that amount of scrutiny was too much.

Not only that, but she was so tired. After Jake left and Lucy finally went home to her family, Julie crawled back into bed. She could still smell Jake in her sheets, and when it became overwhelming, she got up and stood outside of Daddy's bedroom. After Lucy had helped her clean it the first time after he died, she'd only gone in to dust and change the sheets occasionally over the last 11 months. Daddy's clothes were still hung in the closet and tucked into the drawers, his wallet and watch still on the dresser. After a long moment, she crossed the bedroom, running her fingers along the furniture before slipping into the bed like she had so many times as a little girl after waking from a bad dream.

But this time, Daddy wasn't there to hold her until she went back to sleep, banishing the monsters from her imagination. "I miss you," she'd whispered, resting her hand on his pillows.

Sighing, she pushed to her feet and went to refill her coffee. She was almost out of creamer and knew a trip to the grocery store needed to happen. While her appetite was nearly non-existent, she knew she needed to eat. Without a working oven, her options were limited. Ally offered to drive down to the store with her truck to pick up a new oven and Will and Mr. Seresin to install it, but Julie was reluctant to see the Seresins. She had yet to answer Jake's call that morning or respond to his text.

I love you so much, Cupcake. We'll get through this. I'll call you later.

It was still on her mental list of things to do, along with replying to people requesting to cancel their orders with her. While her first instinct was to agree and issue a full refund, Lucy had put her foot down on that and pointed out that they'd signed contracts that outlined penalties for cancelations - they would get partial refunds if anything. Settling back at the kitchen table, Julie clicked on her next order email and scanned it before deleting it. And the next. And the next.

The fourth email was an actual inquiry for cake pops. The person had included a note in the comments.

I hope you and Jake are happy. His video made it look like you guys are meant to be. I hope this all dies down soon. I've always wanted to try your stuff, and I figured now would be a good time. Thanks for being my comfort creator on here!

Tears pricked her eyes as she reread the note. When Jake had sent her the link to his video after he'd posted it, she'd been too numb to react. After showing what his apartment looked like after Shayla had destroyed it was bad enough, but he'd lost his temper and laid out exactly what happened. His work with the greenscreen was wonky, but he shared the screenshots where she'd admitted to lying about the baby. He'd talked about their relationship, how he was never comfortable with her filming, and her begging to continue. How she'd cheated, and they'd broken up before telling him she was pregnant, and he wanted to do the right thing.

He admitted to not being open about who Julie was to him when they went home but pushed back on the idea that his family was rude to Shayla. Instead, he told them how she'd posted the "pregnancy announcement" video before they could tell them the news and how she hadn't respected their privacy. He confirmed that he was the one in Julie's video - she could have kicked herself for not catching when his wrist had briefly appeared in the background as she piped out macaron shells and he grabbed a cupcake pan to put in more liners - and anger colored his words when he talked about Shayla destroying her work.

"I want to be clear," he'd said, staring directly at the camera. "That I kissed Ce… Julie that night. But that was as far as it went. And it was a mistake that we both regretted immediately because I was still engaged to Shayla at that point. But nothing. Else. Happened. I…” He looked away and cleared his throat. "I was ready to agree never to see Julie again if that would have made Shayla feel more secure in our marriage. But we never got to that because she left her computer open, and I saw the texts to her best friend. And I did yell at her. And took my ring back. I was only at Julie's house that night because I couldn't stand to be under the same roof as someone who tried to trap me into a marriage with blackmail. Julie was my friend that night, and I needed that."

"I won't apologize for not staying with someone who lies and manipulates and intentionally hurts my loved ones. And that's what Shayla did. She hurt people to get you to watch her videos and get brand deals and free shit. She doesn't care about you or me or anyone but herself. But I do owe an apology to my family for bringing her with me, making you uncomfortable, and not being the son you raised. And, of course, to Julie - who has been family since we were kids and I've been in love with almost that long. I'll never be able to make up for the hurt I've caused, not just over the last week. I wasn't always honest with you when you deserved that, and I put myself and my career before you. You didn't do anything to deserve all of this except be there for an idiot who is still in love with you and couldn't hide it well. And I'll spend every day trying to make it up to you if you let me. I've been bad at keeping promises, but I want to keep the one of being your first and last kiss, Cupcake."

"And to everyone else, please just… leave her alone. Julie's the most selfless person I've ever met and doesn't deserve this. Hate me, hate Shayla, but leave her out of it. She's a good person, and those are hard to find."

He looked so defeated, hair a mess from running his hands through it and the dark circles under his eyes again. From the extent of the damage, Julie knew he wouldn't have gotten much sleep last night, either. Unlike herself, he probably didn't take the easier route and call out of work rather than face real life. He was probably facing it head-on with that bullheaded stubbornness he'd been known for as a kid.

After typing a quick quote for the cake pops with multiple decorating options, including a short 'thank you for your support!', she clicked into the next email. She closed when she saw a request for a macaron cake that read 'Happy Homewreckers!'. Tears trickled down her face as she breathed like Jake had taught her. She could get through this.

Lunch was rough. Jake could feel eyes on him as he took his tray to their usual table, sitting with his back to the wall and forcing himself to meet the gaze of everyone who looked at him. A few had the decency to look away quickly, but others leaned toward their buddies and whispered.

The Daggers circled around him, providing their unspoken support. Still, he knew they had questions for him and were just waiting for some privacy to ask. But he could have put up with it if Cece had just responded to his text. She hadn't said a thing since he'd sent her the link to his video, and he was starting to regret doing it without talking to her first. It was his fault this was happening, and he wanted to protect her as much as possible - but he should have at least given her the option of not doing it.

And now… now he had to tell her that he was deploying. Again. The very thing that had ended their relationship all those years ago. This time, though, he was going to tell her. Jake had to show that he'd changed for her to trust him. But, fuck… the idea of going through SERE again and then a blackout mission? Not being able to contact Cece or Will, his parents? Possibly missing Tyler's birth?

Cyclone may have picked him because of his record, but it also felt like this was a punishment.

Julie pulled her daddy's baseball cap low on her brow, ducking her head as she walked into the grocery store. The cart rattled loudly as she hurried down the aisles, avoiding as many people as possible as she stocked up on snacks and anything she could make in the microwave.

For as fast as she moved, the whispers moved faster. Clinging to that numb feeling, she tried to block them out, not even wondering how the older Magnolia population would be aware of internet drama. She would put money on Betty Roberts having spread the news far and wide. All she needed to do was get her stuff and get home, where she could go back to bed and pretend that this was a bad dream.

"- showing her face after all that?"

"Did you see his, though?"

"We all know the Seresin boy's been known to tell tall tales. Besides, you know what those two are like - they've always been all over each other."

Cheeks blazing, Julie ignored the loud conversation from the aisle, recognizing the town gossip's voice. And sure, as teenagers, she and Jake hadn't been the most conservative about public affection. But Betty made it sound like they'd been groping each other in public. She hadn't even touched Jake in public in over seven years, and that had been down in Austin. Keeping space between them had been her goal since he'd come back home. Because Jake's touch, his kiss was… well, it made her lose her head. It made her want to do things like pack a bag and start driving out to California to escape the scrutiny of their small town. It made her want to hide in his bed, covers pulled over their head and his sleepy gaze holding hers until the rest of the world fell away. Until she forgot why the walls she'd built so high were needed. It made her want to ignore the fact that the man she loved had the power to hurt her as no one else did.

There was a loud scoff, and Julie pressed her lips together, eyes closing as she willed herself not to feel. Not to acknowledge the women turning on the aisle and staring at her, shopping baskets dangling from their arms. She felt their stares like cobwebs on her skin as they neared, their whispers like daggers in her heart.

And then one struck true. "Her parents would be so ashamed."

Tears gathered behind her eyelids at the cruel words, a contradiction of Daddy's letter in her purse. Slowly, she turned to face Betty and her friend Joanne, the second-biggest gossip in town. "Are your lives so small," Julie said softly as they stopped behind her, "that you have to make yourself feel bigger by talking about others?"

"Excuse me?" Betty demanded, recoiling slightly.

Tossing the bag of frozen corn into her cart, Julie turned fully to face the two, her tone flat as she spoke again. "Do you think that people actually like you? That they look forward to seeing you coming toward them, knowing that they have to watch every word, every action, every breath they take in front of you because if they don't toe the line of what you deem appropriate, you'll tell the whole town?" Joanne's mouth fell open as Betty flushed bright red, drawing herself up.

"Why, I never -"

"Shut the hell up. You never shut the hell up," Julie sighed. "You talk, and you whisper, and you judge, and you make people feel horrible for just living their fucking life. And for some reason, you think that people care what you think, but the truth is that we all think that you're a nosey bitch."

"Julie Ryan!" Betty sputtered. "I don't know WHAT's gotten into you, young lady, but -"

"I'm done." And then, without another word, she turned and walked out of the store, abandoning her cart and her last fuck.

Holy shit, word on the street is that Julie FINALLY stood up to Betty Roberts!

Jake stared down at the text from his sister-in-law as he sat in his truck after work. While Cece hadn't contacted him all day, apparently, she'd been out and about in Magnolia. He let his head fall back and sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. He wanted to return home - not in his apartment but Texas. Because if Cece had finally said something, things would have been bad.

Jake, have you heard from Julie? I stopped by her house, but she wasn't there. I wanted to check on her after what happened at the store.

The text from Mama worried him. Turning the ignition, he waited until his phone connected to Bluetooth before calling Cece. As it rang, he let his head fall back on the rest, and his eyes closed, anticipating her voicemail again. When she said they needed space, she'd promised not to disappear on him again, but it was starting to feel like that's what was happening. After managing seven years without her, it had only taken one week for Jake to miss her as much as he had when she'd left him back in Virginia. And now… now he didn't know if he would survive losing her again.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe." Just the sound of her voice had his muscles relaxing and a tired smile creeping onto his mouth. "You okay?"

"I'm…" There was a long pause, and Jake's grip on the steering wheel tightened when he heard a choked inhale. "I think I did something stupid?"

"What's wrong? What happened, honey?" Cece didn't say anything, but he heard her take a shuttering breath. "Cupcake, is this about the grocery store?"

Her laugh was watery and brittle. "Of course, you heard about that already."

"Only that you did what everyone should have done to Betty Roberts a long time ago, but not specifics." He heard her chuckle before gasping, and his heart broke at her sob. "Cece…" The only sound on the other side of the line was her crying, and Jake wanted to pull her into his arms so badly. Instead, he pinched the bridge of his nose and swallowed hard.

"I-I called her a n-nosey b-bitch." Jake snorted, which made her wail, "It's not funny, Jacob!"

"I'm sorry, honey," he laughed. "You're right, it's not funny. It's fuckin' hilarious and well-deserved. You're a goddamn hero for finally sayin' it to her face when everyone's been sayin' it behind her back for decades."

Cece sniffled, and his hand flexed around the wheel. "You… you don't think Mama and Daddy would be ashamed of me?"

Rage blinded him. "Did that bitch say that?" he demanded. When she hummed an affirmative, he slammed his fist onto the top of the steering wheel while cursing under his breath. "Honey," he said through clenched teeth, "you know that's not true, right? Your parents loved you and would never have been ashamed of you. Your daddy told me all the time how proud he was of you. And your Mama loved you so damn much that she probably would have told Betty off herself, just like she did that woman who said somethin' about the pie you submitted to the fair."

"What?" There was confusion in her voice, and Jake chuckled.

"You know - when you entered a kids' baking competition when we were eight or so for the summer fair. I heard one of the other girl's mom's makin' a comment about how your pie wasn't as pretty as her daughter's, and your Mama told her that it's a good thing that she wasn't picked as one of the judges because she wouldn't know a pretty pie if it was shoved in her face."

"My mama said that?" Cece asked, laughing wetly.

"Yup. That's why we spent so much time by the quilts that year - our mamas weren't quiet about how much they thought her submission wasn't up to snuff."

"I… I remember the quilt but didn't know about the pie."

"Your mama was proud of everything you did, Cece." When she was quiet, he sighed and started to pull his truck out of its spot. "What're you doin' tonight, honey?"

"Um… not much."

"Any chance you'd be willing to let me see your gorgeous face? I'm driving home now, but we could do a video call in about an hour."

“I… um…” The hesitation killed him, but then she spoke again. "I'm not sure what my internet situation will be tonight." That made him laugh.

"I know Magnolia's a bit behind the times, but the wifi wasn't bad."

"I'm not in Magnolia." Easing onto the road, he frowned.

"Did you go get your oven?" Her groan made him smile.

"No, but that probably would have been the smarter thing to do."

"Where'd you go?"

"Arizona."

"Ari -" Jake's foot slammed on the break before he blew a stop sign, and he stared down at his phone as though he could see her face. "What the hell are you doing in Arizona?"

"Well, I'm not there yet," she said after a beat. "I'm still in New Mexico, but close to the border, so I'll be there soon."

“Why…what the… Cece, why are you in New Mexico? Why are you going to Arizona?!"

Her nervous laugh was drowned out by someone hitting their horn, and Jake glanced in his rearview mirror before slowly moving forward. He tried to keep his attention on the road, but it was hard. "Did you know the Grand Canyon is only about 10 hours from Magnolia? And I've never been."

"The Grand… you're going to the Grand Canyon? In December?"

"Why not?" Her tone was defensive, and he knew he needed to tread carefully.

"It's not… the best time for sightseeing." His reasoning felt flimsy even to himself. "And what about work?"

"I need to concentrate on driving," Cece replied after a long pause.

"Baby -"

"I'll call you later when I stop for the night."

"At least tell me you're gonna get a hotel. I don't want you to sleep on the side of the road. I can get you one -"

"I can afford a fucking hotel, Jake!" Shocked at her outburst, he stayed silent, listening to her heavy breathing. "I'm not a child. I can take care of myself."

"I know that."

"Do you?" she hissed. "Or are you just like everyone else, thinkin' I've been waiting for you all this time? That poor, pathetic Julie Ryan always needs someone to look after her? That my whole world stopped the day I left Virginia, and I've just been waiting for you to come back to me? Do you know that everyone - EVERYONE - thinks that you left me? And I let them because you weren't there to defend yourself, and it was too hard to convince them otherwise?"

"Ce -"

"I didn't tell them that Golden Boy Seresin was a liar who couldn't even tell the woman he was supposed to marry that he was leaving AGAIN. That I had uprooted MY WHOLE LIFE for you, and you didn't even have the decency to tell me that you were leaving. You just let me look like an idiot in front of all the other spouses. Let me think that we were gonna have the wedding and start our lives together - all while you were keeping a huge secret from me." Jake's heart shattered when her voice cracked. Pulling to the side of the road, he slung an arm over the steering wheel and rested his forehead on it.

"Honey, I'm sor -"

"I protected you all this time. I put my dreams aside for yours and was okay with that. All I asked for was honesty, and you couldn't even give me that. And when I finally - FINALLY - had something that was mine and only mine, something that I loved and built and put in the hard work for… you ruined it, Jake. You took it from me." For a long time, there was only the sound of her panting breath over the line.

"I'm so sorry, Julie. I never meant to hurt you," he rasped.

"I know that, and that's the hardest thing about all this - you never had to try to hurt me. I just let you."

Tears dripped down his face as he listened to her cry. "I…I don't know…baby, I'm sorry. Tell me how to fix this, and I'll do it."

"I don't think you can. There's nothing… we've been moving toward this since we were 18, Jake. And maybe now it's time to just throw in the towel."

"No." Clearing his throat, he spoke firmly and sat up. "No, I'm not givin' up on us, Cece. I love you. You're the only woman I've ever loved, and I won't lose you again."

"You love who I was when we were teens. You don't know me now."

"Then let me. Come out here, and let's figure this out."

Her laugh was brittle, "That's the problem right there. You always ask me to do the hard thing without realizing it - I have to come to you. I can't have a career because yours is more important. I have to make myself small so you can be the big shot you always wanted to be."

"I… I can't get leave to come home, Cece. Please, you know I would if I could. But I -"

"I don't know you would. You've never had to make the sacrifices in our relationship." Her words were like a slap to the face.

"That's not true." That only made her laugh, and he felt a rush of anger. "You think I wanted to be away from you all the time? Is that what you think? When you said you thought you were pregnant, I was ready to give it all up - the Academy, flying, all of it. And you're saying I didn't make any sacrifices?"

He could feel the hurt across the open line and opened his mouth to apologize when she cut him off. "Well, it's a good thing I wasn't pregnant then or after we fucked at the bar, so you never had to decide between me or your dreams. Because, unlike you, I don't think I could have lived with ruining yours."

The call ended as Jake stared out the windshield, trying to comprehend what Cece said. Had she thought she was pregnant after they'd hooked up in Austin? Was that why she'd run away from him in the grocery store? Scrambling for his phone, he dialed her number, hanging up and calling again when it was sent to voicemail.

Just like his next ten calls.

Cold seeped into Julie's skin as she watched the sky turn indigo as the sun rose. Snow blew around her, and the news warned of a blizzard that day. The smart thing to do would be to head back into town and climb back into her hotel bed, but she couldn't tear her gaze away from the beautiful sight before her.

There was something so peaceful about sitting there, her racing thoughts finally silent. Tears pricked her eyes as the wind whipped her hair into her face. As the light started to kiss the canyon's rim, her eyes were drawn down into its depth. Snow dotted the upper rim, disappearing further down.

Gorgeous. And only a day's drive away from home.

The thought had her reaching into her pocket and retrieving her phone. Daddy's lawyer had sent her the bank account info for Mama's travel account. Ignoring the red bubbles alerting her to the missed calls and texts, she navigated to her email and clicked on the encrypted message. Cell service was spotty, but she memorized the login information.

Her finger hovered over the texts, curiosity warring with peace. She'd seen the preview of Jake's message as she lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. It had started with an apology, and it took everything in her not to apologize to him. She'd never meant for him to hear the arguments and thoughts she'd bottled up for years, but they'd spilled out at the first opportunity. Julie's resentment toward him had been overwhelming and now was tinged with regret for hurting him with the truth. But she'd carried that hurt in silence for so long. Everything about their relationship from the moment he was accepted into the Naval Academy had been about him. Hell, even their spring breaks in South Carolina had been to make his life easier - the times she'd asked to meet in Florida or for him to come to Texas, he'd pleaded for her to go to him. He was so tired between school and training, and he wouldn't have the summers to relax like she would. So, she went across the country every March to spend time with him instead of going on trips with her friends. He'd only met her college friends at graduation, while she'd spent a week with his every year.

Instead of looking at the texts, Julie took a picture of the sunrise and sent it to Lucy. When she'd called from the road to let her know that she was heading out of town, her best friend had been worried and made her promise to check in. The picture was slow to send in their text thread, and Julie took the opportunity to scroll through their messages. Pictures of her kids and husband were sprinkled throughout. There was a video of Joey asking for a monster truck birthday cake and Julie crouching next to Emma at her ballet recital.

Sniffling, she shoved the phone back into her pocket and stared at the sunrise, trying to force away her thoughts. But they raced in opposite directions - ten hours east to Magnolia and nine hours west to San Diego. If she was at home, she would be getting up soon and heading to work, or having breakfast with Ally. Out west, Jake was probably waking and getting ready to go to the base.

Her breath misted in the air when Julie sighed. The wind was picking up, and she knew she'd need to get back to town before the storm blew in, but it was hard to tear her gaze away from the canyon. A car door slammed, and she jumped, turning to see two people climbing out of their vehicle. They nodded, and she smiled back as they stood a bit further from her and looked at the sunrise.

When her fingers started losing their feeling, and the sky was a beautiful pink and orange, Julie returned to her car. As it heated, she took a deep breath and pulled up Jake's texts. They were full of apologies and pleas for her to answer the phone. He wanted to know if she'd thought she was pregnant after they'd seen one another in Austin. That made her cringe. She regretted telling him like that, especially after everything that happened with his ex. He promised to try harder if she would just pick up. He wanted to come home, but he was just told about a mission he was being sent on and wouldn't be able to.

I only have 3 weeks until I leave, and we won't be able to talk. Please, baby, don't let it end like this. I love you, and I know I haven't always been the best at showing it, but I want this to work.

A lump rose in her throat at the thought of him leaving again, and she paused before sending him the same picture she'd sent Lucy. We'll talk before you go, but I need space right now.

The technology gods were clearly on Jake's side because the message went through quickly and was marked as read almost immediately. Three dots appeared on the screen, and Julie bit her lip while watching them flicker. Finally, the message appeared. Beautiful, but not as beautiful as you. I love you, Cupcake.

After a moment, she typed back Love you too, Farm Boy.

Quickly closing the message, she pulled up the banking app and entered her Mama's travel account information. She hesitated before closing her eyes and hitting the login button. Slowly, after a few seconds, Julie peeked at the screen. The amount made her breath catch. Tears flooded her eyes as she stared at the number.

Fumbling for her purse, she grabbed Daddy’s letter, skimming the words until she found what she was looking for.

I put her life insurance payout there and have added a little every year. All you have to do is contact my lawyer, who'll give you the account numbers and start the transfer. I should have given it to you before, but… well, the reason always changed. But now that you have it, I want you to do whatever you want with that money. If you want to travel like your Mama wanted? Do it. You want to go back to school? Perfect. Start your bakery? You'll be so successful. Buy a house? I only ask that it's somewhere other than Magnolia. Sell the house and put the money toward your next dream.

Be selfish, baby. Treat yourself to whatever you want - as long as it's what you want.

Looking over the dashboard at the sunrise over the Grand Canyon, Julie started to cry at the memory of her Mama reading her books before bed, building worlds in her mind. Her daddy pinching pennies as she grew up and helping her bake late into the night. Lying in the back of Jake's truck and talking about all the places they would see when they were married.

The money wouldn't solve everything, but it was enough to give her space to breathe and figure out what she wanted to do. It, along with her moving fund, would give her what she needed most—time.

As she pulled out of the parking lot, she could almost hear Mama's voice. "You and me, baby girl, we're gonna see the world one day."

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Author's Note: Soooo... thank you for you patience with me getting this out. I had some difficulty with this chapter, because I was struggling between going with my original ending and one that was less angsty. I went with the original (the other option was Cece driving to Jake's after because they didn't have a fight, and her meeting the Daggers). But Cece needed to finally let Jake know how she was feeling, and Betty may have been just the push she needed.

SERE training is no joke. I stole the story about the woman being thrown in the pit from my best friend's husband (former military intel guy), who still has issues with the smell of peppermint to this day because he hid in a patch of it while it was happening. They no longer waterboard soldiers, but that practice only stopped in the 2000s, I believe.

Also, the next chapter will be the last one in this series 🫣 (Edit, there will be an epilogue)

Read Chapter 10

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dogwaterdish · 2 months

Text

As promised, I'm back to talk more about Midoriya being autistic! I'll talk about special interests, stimming, social difficulties, intense emotions/empathy, and other miscellaneous things I think are better explained about him when looked through the lens of Autism.

Special Interests

One of the most obvious traits is his strong- often described as obsessive- interests. Mainly heroes, All Might, and quirks. These interests are pretty much just special interests - the level of intensity and long term hold on him is how special interests can function.

Some people might argue he's just using it as an escape from his reality of quirklessness, but these interests were visible before and after he was quirkless. When he got diagnosed as quirkless, he had already had a passionate interest in All Might.

And while All Might and heroes are loved by the majority of the population, it's been noted by many people that he has a lot stronger of an interest in them than most, to the point some call it creepy and obsessive. He's very knowledgeable about these topics, and infodumps about them very often! For example, when his class met the pussycats:

As we can see, he's very ready to start spewing hero facts, and is excited by seeing heroes. He does this often, and knows very much about most heroes- as we can see in the first chapter as well. He knew the name of Kamui woods big move despite him being a new hero, and knew several facts about him off the top of his head. This muttering is also frowned upon socially, but he doesn't pick up on that much at all, and continues his muttering until he either gets distracted or stopped by someone else. This all makes me believe that these are his special interests!

Stimming

Midoriya has some things that he does that I categorize as stimming! The biggest one is muttering, he's seen doing this often, and a lot of the time it seems to be a form of regulation. For example, during the USJ when he hurt is finger:

He is often seen muttering in times of high emotions (which is often for him with the intense emotions he experiences) and it seems to help him calm down, focus, and relax, as well as make plans.

Another example of him stimming is when he was talking with Nighteye about an All Might clip!

These motions are often used by him during times where he is excited, scared, and even focused. A common stim I've seen from him is pulling on his bottom lip!

While stimming is something everyone does to some degree, autistic people stim much more regularly for emotional regulation and to keep a proper amount of stimulation, and Midoriya falls into the latter category, where he stims much more than neurotypical people. This stimming has been pointed out by many characters and some have called it odd, mainly with his muttering.

Social Difficulties

Another major thing I see in him that is reminiscent of Autism is his abnormal behavior socially, and his cluelessness when it comes to social interactions.

Here we see Midoriya wave to Shinso, then get confused about why he ignored him. This could be just general confusion that many people would experience but I think that since stuff like this happens to him somewhat often its pointing more towards social issues n such !

Another example of this was during the final exam arc, where Tsu was asking Uraraka what her and Aoyama were talking about and Uraraka got flustered. Midoriya was clueless during this whole interaction and they made a point to put a question mark by his head. I cannot find this picture for the life of me right now, but if I do I will edit this post and put it in!

I think it's very interesting that he is often characterized as very observant (with his very detailed notes and pattern recognition with how Bakugou fights (another autism thing...)) , but when he is clueless about something it's always a social interaction. Here's some more miscellaneous pictures of him with question marks by his head:

It's very common for autistic people to be lost or confused during social interactions, and to have problems being entirely calm or oriented during conversations. Midoriya has also been shown to be a bit fretful, anxious, or quick to overexplain during conversations, such as when Iida and Uraraka were asking about the nickname "Deku".

Intense Emotions and Empathy

Midoriya is shown many times to have extremely strong emotions, it's one of his key traits along with his high empathy. These big emotions he has are very unregulated, at least early in the series, and he is prone to bursting into tears at a moments notice. This upcoming picture was when he met up with All Might after receiving his UA acceptance letter.

If you have seen any clips of MHA, you have seen how much he cries and how intense his emotions are. However, he doesnt always cry when he has strong emotions, like when he gets excited and pumped up about his classmates or heroes, and starts muttering and sometimes flapping his arms.

Along with that, he has strong empathy for other people and can "feel" the energy and emotions of others when they're particularly strong. He also has more empathy and compassion for the villains than most people, insisting he must save Shigaraki rather than just kill him like everyone suggested. Irregular emotions and empathy levels are yet another trait of autism that he possess.

Other traits

Like I said in the start of this post, some of these things aren't necessarily indicative of autism or anythin', but they make so much more sense when looked at through the lens of autism, and combined with all the other traits he has, only add to his likelihood of being Autistic!!

One thing I've seen Midoriya do quite often is doing raptor arms! Heres some examples of that:

here are also some examples of Midoriya sitting in peculiar ways as well! Not a trait of autism particularly, but I've seen odd sitting common in many autistic people!

Conclusion!!

So all that is pretty much to say Midoriya is a pretty autistic character! Whether it was intentional or not he's super autism coded and I think it's very neat. I also think it's neat we have essentially the same spins (all might!). All the info from here comes from research I've done, along with referencing my own experience as an autistic boy.

Happy birthday to him as well!! :] ty for reading all that

(also @animaatra since you wanted to be tagged :] )

#mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #autistic midoriya #midoriya izuku is autistic #autistic izuku midoriya #deku #mha deku #bnha deku #autistic izuku #happy birthday midoriya #midoriya #autism headcanon #dogwatertalks #I know it isnt his b-day anymore for some of y'all but it's the evening of his b-day for me rn

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herejusttosufferalong · 2 months

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I've been a Lukola shipper since last year, and I've been reading all the male POVs. So, I decided to ask the dudes in my life about this whole situation. I talked to some of my male BFFs and my brother. I'll start with what my brother, who's 15 (I'm 19), had to say.

Over the past three days, I showed him most of the interviews, especially the unhinged ones, all the hand-holding clips, Tif's edits, etc. Then I introduced him to the GF and gave him a brief rundown of all the antics - Instyle, NY and London premieres, Deuxmoi, pool pics, Milan, GQ.

Here’s what he thinks:

Luke and Nic LOVE each other. Luke probably loves her more, or maybe she's just better at hiding it. Nic is affectionate towards everyone, so it’s not as apparent. My brother thinks Nic is really funny and obviously beautiful, especially after watching her solo interviews like "9 Things I've Never Tried Before," ASMR, and accents.

Luke is being hot and cold. After I told him about the break after Brasil, he said that makes sense. It seems like whenever Luke goes back to his friends, he comes back acting like a dick. I showed him Luke's hot boy summer phase and the NYE video of them dancing. He said Luke acts like a dick when he's with his friends, especially Rory, who seems like the leader. He even noticed Tom and said Luke should hang out with him more. When I mentioned Rory breaking up with his GF and now dating Sienna (who's 23), he immediately clocked it and said, “Wow, Lukey did the same.” In a very not impressed tone. I couldn't stop laughing.

Nothing happened in Brasil. My brother thinks Nic would never do anything shady. The interviewers and overall vibes of Brasil were super chill, so Luke let himself loose a bit. However Nic seemed the same, maybe a little more giggly.

NY and London premieres:

NY: They looked fine, but Luke seemed pissed for some reason. The hand moment was insane. He thinks the GF blindsided Nic and set up the videos of them hugging, because why aren’t there videos of others?

London: Nic seemed a little wary, and Luke looked downbad. Luke T and Nic either need to work together or date, or both, because they're cute. Simone is definitely a shipper. He also thinks Golda might be a shipper, but she seems to have clocked Luke’s shit and is side-eyeing, which he is too. The Deuxmoi stunt was dumb and embarrassing.

About A, R, and S:

Rory: Luke hangs onto Rory’s every word, so the GF might not be going anywhere as long as she's in the friend group. My brother hates Rory and thinks he's Luke’s constant during the hot boy summer phase. Rory wasn't seen much before that. Other Anons, is this true?

A: A is in the relationship for the perks. The Hailey Bieber cosplay is gross. My brother almost puked when I showed him the thread comparing A and HB’s outfits. A is obviously trolling the fans, which is boring.

S: He doesn’t think there’s anything nefarious going on with S, and it’s good for her that she’s going to Jack M's classes, but it’s weird that it's only happening now.

In conclusion, my brother thinks this whole thing is going to drag on for a lot longer, but that’s a huge maybe since Luke and Nic are coming back for S4. If Luke's friend group manages to infiltrate the sets, it won't matter much because everyone adores Nic and seems protective of her. A is going to stay as long as she can. Right now, my brother hates Luke and thinks he screwed up royally, even as a friend. It’s a bigger deal if there are non-platonic feelings involved. He wants to see Luke make a thank you post for S3, because that's the least he can do. Luke needs to figure his stuff out, and it seems like whenever he's on vacation, things just get worse. Basically, he needs to GET A JOB and things will sort themselves out.

Wow, that was a lot. Never thought my brother would be so mature!

Also can someone clarify if R was still such a huge part of L's life before his HBS?

Damn the 15 yo is smarter than some grown ass folk in the fandom lmao

LOVE x

#this is all opinion #theories

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ask-the-roommate-au · 2 months

Note

Hey Clip, what do you do all day while Comet is gone at the daycare. Do you still do robotic stuff? (Love your vibe btw clip, I hope everyone stops trying to hit on you)

And Comet, do you ever go to visit Solar during work hours? Are you ever jealous that him and Moon are so close? (Not assuming that your the jealous type. And absolutely not saying there's anything romantic going on between the two, just that they're best friends, that's all!)

Usually just tinker around with programming and, yeah, some robotics. And spend more time trying to figure out who the hell brought me back.

Though I think I have an idea of who...

Well, I'm actually with him for most or all of our work hours, since we both work in the theater! Though I suppose we are both usually working with kids, but I get to talk to him during breaks or when we send the kids back off to Sun, Lunar, and Earth.

And, uh, jealous? Genuinely asking, whyyy would I be jealous? I believe Moon, from what I've seen, treats Solar more as any other family member, though I'm not sure Solar realizes it. Aaand, not to make it a competition... but I do spend a lot more time with Solar than Moon does. A-and I do think Solar does like me as a friend, and that he, uh, trusts me. So, uh, no, simple answer, I'm not jealous at all, kind of a ridiculous question. I'm perfectly happy with the relationship Solar and I have now.

#and they were roommates au #atwr au #atwr askblog #comet #eclipse #i hate the jealousy trope so we're not doing it here bfbfbfbfb #my story i do whatever i want

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my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction · 2 months

Note

I am fucking WEAK for the Anselem-Reader-Blue throuple, I’ve never even seen either movies (just clips) but I am so obsessed that they’re just addicted to each other and Blue is the subbiest sub to ever sub and they’re not letting him out of their sight ugh I want him to just abandon it all and stay in their mansion as their free use little baby boy

Hzshdasudihasiodu ahhhh! Thank you so much, you have made my day!

Also: HELL YES. Here are some:

Trine Headcanons

Anselm Volgelweide x F!Reader x Blue Jones • Rating: 18+ pals • Masterlist • ao3 • want to be tagged? | requestinfo • ko-fi •

Warnings: Blue being a little shit, mentions of bjs, over use of italics, typos, not beta read, railroad sentences, please let me know if I've missed a warning!

Word Count: 524

Blue spends more and more (and more) time with Anselm and you, literally he’s practically moved it. (And put his stuff everywhere.)

He is terrible with boundaries, something’s in the house? Oh, that’s his. Food in the fridge? Must be his too. Clothing in the wardrobe, not in his size, with a post stick note on it that says ‘This is not Blue’s’? That must be a typo, because he’s taking it to the tailor. And it’s his now as well.

You resort to a water spray bottle, and spray him whenever he’s getting too excitable with all the new things he’s ‘found’.

He’s a cat in human form.

Takes to wearing a silk robe that is a fraction too short for most polite company (good thing you and Anselm are nowhere near polite) and flouncing around the mansion being a nuisance to your staff and begging for (demanding) attention from both you and Anselm every chance he gets.

Wakes up one morning and realises he hasn’t been to the club in over two weeks. Panics. And then calms down when you play with his hair while Anselm deep throats him, and tell him that you’d sent a stand in manager to keep an eye on things for him ages ago.

Blue never worries about the club again.

You take him on holiday with you both and he acts like a spoilt brat the whole time, making an absolute fuss of everything when he’s with Anselm - so Anselm will punish him. And being the sweetest little angel for you - so you’ll call him a good boy and let him sit on your lap during dinner.

Always ends up sleeping between you both, even if you all fall asleep with someone else in the middle. It’s not an intentional thing, and none of you are quite sure how it happens like clockwork and without waking anyone up. Anselm calls it one of Blue’s many party tricks.

Blue gets very self conscious and moody when someone else makes the assumption that he is either Anselm’s or your piece on the side. “Not both?” The outrage is so strong.

He has a reputation for being even more dangerous now that he has the Vogelweide backing, and because Anselm hired a guard for Blue whose only job is to shoot people Blue tells him to shoot. (He doesn’t like getting his hands dirty.)

When Anselm is in his office taking meetings and you’re hanging out on the chaise lounge to the side Blue likes to sit on the floor next to you.

Both you and Anselm have tried to convince him to let you get either a bigger chaise lounge or any other seat for him, but he refuses. Preferring to recline, rather dramatically, on the floor with his head tilted back and resting against the chaise lounge seat cushions so you can play with his hair and stroke his face.

Quite often hugs your leg and kisses your knees if they are within reach.

Has sucked off Anselm under his desk while he’s in the middle of a meeting more than once - and isn’t subtle about it.

Thank you for reading!

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rbr4c1ng · 4 months

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Hii! I was wondering if you could maybe explain the bus bros fallout or p2p gate or pretty much all of the McLaughlin-Newgarden lore to me since I'm only getting in to IndyCar now and I want to be caught up before the 500. I understand this is a big ask but I've seen that youve posted about it and I just NEED to know. Any links to other pieces of lore would also be much apreciated. Completely understand if you don't want to write anything though so thank you so much I advance!! <3

YES ABSOLUTELY I WILL EXPLAIN! this is my special interest dw i could write an 18 page essay about their lore.

SO basically scott came into indycar from supercars in 2020-2021 ish and him a josef started getting along like super well, which is honestly a bit odd bc josef is known to not really let people get so close to him, so scotty is a bit of an outlier in that respect.

eventually! they make bus bros!!! wooooo everyone loves it etc etc they have fun making it…. until they don’t! leading up to their breakup there were QUITE a few clues that they knew it was gonna end in flames like scott talked about it on off track (see audio excerpt below) and on hot seats with hinch if i remember correctly?

there’s also a fair share of articles that mention it. they basically knew it was inevitable but i don’t think anyone thought it was gonna happen so quickly??

so then the winter break leading into the 2024 szn happened! this is about when i started getting really into bus bros and was honestly pretty present for some of this shit (i was at the daytona 24 and st pete so i’ve got some first hand evidence but we will get to that later)… anyways so the rumors start going around that bus bros is over around?? st pete time i think??? a little bit earlier. which is odd given that they seemed okay with each other at the daytona 24, even though i thought it was strange that they weren’t both on tower motorsports anymore cause josef switched to penske porsche but GENERALLY it seemed okay (although based on this pic idk their relationship seems a little charged atp but it’s all speculation really)

then after the rumors come out i think it was jenna fryer’s article that did it in? (idk it has a paywall on it for me right now and i don’t care enough to find it here but there’s definitely excerpts floating around) now i do recommend to take anything jenna fryer says with a grain of salt bc she is essentially a gossip columnist for all intents and purposes. but the article basically said that josef and scotty were done and scott wouldn’t answer any questions about it and was only saying that they’re fine or to ask josef about it (tea from todays 100 days to indy episode actually…). they promptly took down the bus bros merch site and have been relatively quiet since then. at st pete they talked on the podium and didn’t seem too bad but i’ve seen other clips where they won’t even sit next to each other or speak to each other so take that as you will. podiums are pretty much just publicity, cameras everywhere, you’d probably want to seem at least cordial with your teammate.

(pic 1 is mine, pic 2 is a pic of my tv from todays episode LMFAO)

so heres where most of the speculative stuff comes in. Josef dissolved his media company, unfollowed everyone, and cancelled bus bros leading into the 2024 season because he wanted to “get rid of distractions”, and really we could leave it at that, but i find it hard to believe that that’s the only thing that happened.

Josef is the dictionary definition of Penske Perfect, you won’t get any closer to it than him. he’s fucking OBSESSED with this idea of being perfect. perfect season, perfect body, perfect car, perfect team. obviously this isn’t feasible, but scotty seemed to have broken through that block in his little Penske Perfect brain and got him to LIGHTEN UP A BIT. and then the 2023 season happened. sure, josef won the indy 500 but it was one of his worst season finishes in a while and, to make matters worse, scott BEAT him. little scotty mac, supercars champion transplant from 2021 beat josef newgarden at his own fucking game after breaking down his walls and making him soft. i can see how that scared josef honestly. so he ended it. Scott doesn’t see things on a plane of winning/losing imo, everything is just experience for him. hell, he didn’t even know if he would end up in indycar and he sure as hell didn’t think he’d win races so soon AND beat his teammate. to josef, it’s JUST winning/losing. if he’s losing, he needs to be better. and he lost sight of that for the 2023 season. that’s why he had to come back and put an end to the shenanigans bc he knows scott makes him soft.

but that’s just my speculation!!!!! literally could just be nothing. maybe it is to josef, but i know for a FACT it isn’t to scott.

OH and with the p2pgate stuff! basically they had a component in their car that. was not supposed to be there! that prevented race control from turning off their push to pass like normal. (marshall pruitt has a rlly good article explaining it all here) and they were caught in long beach when race control forgot to turn on the push to pass during the sunday warm up and HMMMMM why do the penske cars still have it???? when has this happened before??? oh ok st pete! now they’re disqualified. josef used 9 seconds of p2p when it was not enabled and scotty only used 1.9 and will used none. so i’m led to believe that it was a josef-centered choice IF it was intentional to use the p2p when it was supposed to be inactive.

now josef really laid down the water works for that press conference at barber to the point that i was having a VERY hard time watching it. i felt bad for the guy. he seemed really fucking upset and i almost believe that it WASNT on purpose but. it’s just too good to be true right?

honestly i think this all could tie back to the downfall of bus bros in that scott maybe didn’t want to do the p2p thing but josef was willing to? and maybe that caused some sort of divide between them bc then again for josef it’s about Winning No Matter What, and yes scott wants to win but cheating isn’t the way for him. idk.

for more of their lore when they WERE friends, watch bus bros (duh), admit one, 100 days to indy, scott learns america: nashville, hot seats with hinch, and listen to scott’s episode on off track with hinch and rossi! also there are some very brief interactions between them on some older penske games videos before bus bros was even a thing but it’s not much. there are more but i can’t think of them rn…

sorry for rambling, if you have any more qs feel free to ask!!! i’m always available for brain picking :)

#anyways.#this is how my brain works #this is all i think about all the time 24/7/365 #psychoanalyzing race car drivers…#indycar #bus bros #josef newgarden #scott mclaughlin #p2pgate #correct me if any of this is wrong bc sometimes i just say shit

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g-xix · 7 months

Note

oh my days did u hear about wilbur soot literally physically abusing shelby

YESYESYES I DID!!!

For the girlies that don't know: I was a minecraft girlie in 2021.

And Wilbur Soot was a big part of that MC phase. He was undeniably hot, but he was also quite open ab mental health stuffs + created quite a safe space for minorities whether that be the gay community, mental health talking space... That's all from the top of my head. In short - he's hot and an empath and ppl liked that ab him

He also kinda showed his "quirky loco character" in music vids or just in streams.

Kinda ironic he's now fulfilling the role that character he mockingly made, tho.

What did he do? Well, he was in a relationship w Shelby Shubble and his way of showing "affection" would be to bite her. Kinda understand biting as a way of showing love as long as it's not life threatening, painful, or in aggression... I mean, ChrisMD does that shit all the time to ArthurTV n it seems more endearing than to really do any bads.

Thing is, Wilbur would end up hurting Shelby. Aaaand so Wil said 'hey let's make a safeword for u 2 say when it hurts so that ik and can stop so i don't harm u'.... but when Shelby used that safeword, broski wuld either grind down or go a lil bit harder b4 letting go.

And Shelby's described it as she would oftentimes scream/yell bc it was so hard, and he'd 'smile' afterwards which is mad psycho (term used loosely) imo. Because also, he'd do ts in public??? Yk, with his friendship group around him n Shelby, the lovely jovely couple? Straight out weird negl.

So, there's context.

Lots of varying opinions online which i would soooo love to get into...

BUT DISCLAIMER BEFORE I DO: Realistically, this is abuse, and thus it is a crime. I've talked about this on my page before - cancel culture can be unecessary in minor incidences, and cancel culture can be not-enough in instances whereby people have simply done illegal things.

This is one of those illegal things. So, whilst I do chat about this light-heartedly or for entertainment, gossip-y purposes - do realise that this is a real life problem that has has major issues in many peoples' lives.

Now, continuing with the juicy waffley discussions that ppl like hearing:

So firstly, some of the Twitter memes are fucking hilarious. I do love that under Wilbur's Twitter apology, loads of MCYTers have joined to clown his goofy ahh. And all those memes saying that Bill smelled such a shit apology he returned to twitter after years + the DSMP are like Avengers in Infinity War returning to all fight enemy No1 WILBUR...

But that being said, DREAM REPLYING TOO????

I spoke ab Dream being a groomer around Christmas time + heard loads of ppl out on vouching for Dream or calling him disgusting, dahdahdah... But the fact that sm ppl are turning around and praising Dream for calling out Wilbur's goofiness is acc MAAAD.

Why's everyone forgotten Dream is j as goofy? And an alleged groomer? And just plain? Not even plain something, brodie is just the plainest mf i've ever seen. Ever since he face revealed, his personality j evaporated on out of his body (anyone feel this asw?)

But no, ppl who are now agreeing w Dream to combat Wilbur as if Dream hasn't also committed what is debateably a crime (ik he 'cleared up the rumours' but it's v hard to fight of groomer allegations when you let them sit and marinate for approx 6 months) is fucking WILD shit to me.

Secondly, people are analysing loads of Wilbur's other prev actions too and saying these should've been red flags to Wilbur being an a-hole before we even heard Shubble's solid proof.

And some of these clips of evidence (e.g. Niki saying Wil bites her + threw her, Tommy getting his hand stomped, throwing apple at Techno) feel very valid.

But other bits I do wonder - are they just being over analysed? Yk, like with the clip of Wil shouting at Tommy for streaming + stealing his wallet, i was super sure that was staged as is (j had it confirmed now by the Twitter community note asw lol) and also, whilst Wil's shouting does feel extreme and hurtful from a viewer pov... Having a wallet stolen, place of work broken in to, litr knowing the place where you work to make all income could be taken away from u bc a friend thought it funny to break in n loudly + rowdily stream... i gotta say that some form of anger or upset is valid there. And this isn't to validate Wilbur's assholery, this is just to point out that whilst ppl are throwing clips into the fire and saying "this is more proof Wil was a bad person from the start" - do try see other interpretations of it and form your own line of reasoning - yk - "is this a valid point or is this someone using the drama to get some extra likes and attention to boost their account" (because believe me, ppl would - if ppl would use Techno's death to get more channel views and interactions - ppl would also most definitely use abuse as a means to engage more ppl).

Aaaaaand let's talk about the little Lovejoy band. Ngl i fucken loved their stuff, quite sad to see it go down the drain because 3/4 of them are public targets, now.

So ik we hate Wil for being an abuser. And I've seen that ppl dislike Mark bc he supported Maccies (what did he do fr tho bc i have no clue - did he j eat a McDonalds or what?) And we hate Ash Kabosu for saying it's bad to make fun of those deaths on the submarine...

Controversial opinion but I don't blame Ash allat much??? Now imma explain myself - but pls understand that i don't knoe 100% ab the situation, im v detached from the MCYT sphere of the online community.

But hear me out.

I'm a big believer in cherishing life, life is v important, life is a blessing.... Not from a rly religious pov, moreso in a spiritual way. Because if we only get one life, fuck, it's pretty damn precious. And whilst all those Oceangate memes were haha heehee funny watches, at the end of the day, people did die. And I do find that quite sad.

People say it's fine to laugh and make fun of those who were in there and died bc they were just billionaires who went down there for their own personal entertainment.

Just because they're billionaires doesn't make them any less human than us? Sure, they have a lot more money and are probably a lot more detached from working class issues which the majority of the population faces... But their drowning will have hurt and caused just as much pain to them as it would to us if we were in their situation. And my god, I can't even begin to think about the pain their families must have felt.

Those deaths were a fucking tragedy, realistically - and maybe i'm 'overreacting' here - but c'mon, empathy is literally encoded into our DNA as humans, surely I'm not the only one that can see the heartlessness in just laughing and memeing those deaths?

So Ash Kabosu haterism I don't fully understand, is the conclusion of that sub-rant.

And then I think this is the final little bit I'll discuss considering this is a loooong post:

James Marriott.

Jimbo Mazza, Jimbatron, James Marriott.

Lowkey my big flex, I've been a fan of him since 2020, and I got into his hater-commentary content initially. And ngl, when he transitioned to Minecraft? It was so fkn obvious he was trying to tailor to the MCYT audience to get their approval and entrance into the MCYT community, it made me absolutely cringe - and the blindness of everybody to that fact was insane to me.

Like, he was literally beegggging to be added to SMPs, he'd try and portray this "uncontrollable, quirky" character and would be so "unhinged" that everyone would love him... But ngl, that shit was literal brainrot, and he had you guys (me included tbf, bc i'd watch - just cringing whilst watching) ROTTING your brains with spamming the chat w allat bs that u do on Twitch

Nowadays, I like James tho. I feel like he feels ingrained enough within the community to branch out and not have to play up to the disturbing, disgusting cringefest - and so now he's funnier and having a better time streaming.

I mean, he looks absolutely great too - his tours have him confidence-boosted (rightfully so), because he's in great shape, like, he's genuinely lost noticable fat and put on muscle which has him looking trim as ever - he's grown his hair out into a flattering mullet - Shit, i believe looksmaxxing is the boy-equivalent of the makeup industry profiting off of womens' insecurity....

But the Jimbatron has absolutely looksmaxxed for the best.

That being said however, people saying "I OFFER JIMBO AS A REPLACEMENT FOR WILBUR!!" are fucking weirdos (respectfully but also kinda not)

Bro has just abused people and you're mourning the loss of a content creator and oh no - your favourite band - so you're trying to serve up replacements like a fucking chef that's ran out of a specific ingredient??????????

Yeah, James is less problematic and has 2x the personality Wilbur has- BUT WHY DOES IT TAKE WILBUR COMING OUT AS A FKN ABUSER FOR PPL TO START PROMOTING JAMES????

This is like that whole thing whereby ppl put other girls down to point out to success or beauty of other girls: it takes everyone noticing how bad Wilbur is, to point out the goodness of James.

James litr banned people who wouldn't stfu about Wilbur in his chat in early streams, bc he was sick of ppl following him for Wilbur and who just wanted to talk about Wilbur on James' platform.... I don't think James rly wants to share an identity, or have his platform built from being against Wilbur.

Not proof read this post fully. But take-aways from this: -Yeah Dream is cooking Wilbur on Twitter but don't forget he's an alleged groomer + is deffo using this as a way to get back into the audience's "good books" -RIP Lovejoy but some1 explain what Mark did fully + why ppl think Ash is so abominable for showing empathy to ppl dying -Rmbr that this is acc a serious crime, don't downplay ts -Stop fucking promoting James Marriott thru Wilbur's downfall, it rly discredits James' authenticity and original building of a community -So proud to say that after a few months of getting into MCYT stuff i felt as though Wilbur was icky + just plainout didn't like him/got odd vibes -And lol, acc so jarring how Wil reminds me of this guy in my yr - complete mummy's boy, underestimates and belittles women bc his mum handed everything to him on a plate n so he doesn't empathise w them but rather expects the world from them whilst simultaneously treating them like shit, 'radical', extremely 'woke' about modern situations but is so stubborn and refuses to see two sides of a picture.... Tbh I might j hate the guy in my yr and be projecting that onto Wil

Btw, feel free to argue w me in my inbox ab this but whilst i was quite critical - pls do not be mean to me or criticise me that harshly - if im talking to some1 one on one, i won't be this mean

(ALSO ANON, SORRY BC I WAS QUITE RUDE IN THIS REPLY BC I LOWKEY FORGOT I WAS REPLYING TO U, I WAS IN MY OWN HEAD AB WAFFLING AB SHELBY N WILL, LY AND TY FOR ASKING AB IT THO BC I DEFFO NEEDED TO WAFFLE AB IT SOMEWHERE)

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spiteless-xo · 1 year

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Hi omg I love your writing especially as a Jean Kirstein girl

So...um...aot characters as porn star?!?

Like idk audio porn,faceless porn or proudly showing their face

thank you so much!! and omg ty for the ask 😫 i've been struggling w inspiration to answer some of the other requests in my inbox (but don't worry, i will get to all of them!!!!) but this one just spoke to me.

(also my spacebar is messed up so if spacing looks weird, it's because my spacebar sometimes likes to put two spaces in between words instead of just one)

╰┈➤ as porn stars - aot.

ft. armin, eren, jean. cw. explicit sexual content, explicit language gn!reader.

⋙ armin arlert.

audio only for our baby armin

he will post literally 20-minute-long audio clips on twitter of him whimpering and whining as he touches himself with jerk off noises in the background

has a patreon where you can pay to request him whimpering your name or any other short phrases in a personalized audio clip

i feel like he would have a sfw job that involves social media like streaming or youtube or something. and people would theorize that the cozy game streamer, armin arlert, is also the whimpering audio guy on twitter, but he's good at keeping the two sides separate so people don't have enough proof to confirm.

⋙ eren jaeger.

full-face, full-body, everything, of course -- it's eren.

he has a twitter that he posts teaser pictures or short clips of his videos, but you have to pay if you want to see everything!

absolutely does meetups with his fans. when he's travelling he'll make a post on twitter saying like "lmk if you're in the area, i'm looking for a costar 😏" and he will absolutely meet up with you -- and film it of course

he loves hooking up with fans for content. he's good about always blurring their face in the videos, but probably has a few "regulars" that he makes content w often

⋙ jean kirstein.

faceless jerk-off videos.

his dick is huge, so it would be a shame for him to hide it from the rest of the world!! i feel like jean is a grower and a shower, so he likes to start his videos with his dick soft so you can watch it grow

usually shares solo stuff, but if he's dating someone he'll make content with them. the camera will be placed in a way that cuts off both of your guys' heads from being seen, but he doesn't use masks or anything like that

probably could also get away with just making audio clips because he's so vocal when he's jerking off, but he gets too much of an ego boost from all of the people in the comments talking about his dick.

#eren #jean #aot headcanons #armin #eren jaeger smut #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger #jean kirstein smut #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein #armin arlert smut #armin arlert x reader #armin arlert #tiff.fic #tiff.ask #armin.hc #eren.hc #jean.hc

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nenilein · 6 months

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Hello! Apologies for sending an ask out of the blue but considering your familiarity with localisation differences in persona 4/golden, I was wondering if anything comes to your mind regarding this aspect and how the game depicts queerness and queer themes? Thank you!

Heya! Don't worry, I was thinking people would probably ask stuff like this. After all, I already replied to somebody's tags asking this same thing previously, but I know not many people saw that, so let me use the chance to go into more detail:

Unfortunately, Persona 4's treatment of queer themes is not a result of the translation. The only things that were down to translation choices were small things, such as which pronouns are used in which situation (because Japanese does not at all have the same concept of third person pronouns as English, and the way first person classifiers that mean "I" work is very complex and a lot more vibes-based than actually tied to gender.)

But for the most part, everything is pretty much the same. Kanji's reaction to Chie mumbling about something being "off" about how he interacted with Naoto that first time, the tent scene, Yosuke's extreme insecurity in his own sexuality in addition to everyone else's... I think maybe the only thing that's a biiit better in Japanese is that Teddie is kiiinda genderfluid in Japanese, with the artbook outright stating that he doesn't necessarily consider himself "male" when he's in his bear form, unless it's necessary for a joke.

A lot of this can be traced to the really odd relationship the game's director, Katsura Hashino, has to queer themes. In interviews about Catherine Fullbody (a game which infamously has a rather weirdly handled gay romance route which, however, is notably also the only romance route in the game that cannot possibly result in a bad ending), he talks about how he's always admired queer people for being "strong" and wanted to write queer stories, but couldn't really do it until Fullbody because Atlus higher ups were afraid of backlash from the fans.

Traces of this are actually seen in Persona 4 Vanilla's data, where remnants of a surprisingly well done romance route for YOSUKE, of all people, are still present. That route made it far enough into development to have voiced lines in both, English and Japanese. However, it was dummied out in the final game and its script content was removed. Yosuke STILL has the "girlfriend flag" in the code that all the female romance options also have, but in the finished game it only checks whether you can hug him during his social link or not. Everything else was dummied out. You can still find the voice files on the cutting room floor if you want:

And yes, the "I like you" line is unambiguously romantic in Japanese. His wording is very hard to misinterpret.

However, in the finished game and the rest of the franchise Yosuke's bisexuality was reduced to an in-joke of the developers. It's most poignant in Persona Q (the first one), where if you get the "marriage" scene with Yosuke in the second dungeon, his reactions differ WILDLY depending on which Protagonist you are playing as, far more than other male characters. With Makoto Yuki he acts nonchallant and deadpan about it. With Yu Narukami he acts like a blushy Tsundere and panics constantly. So, yeah.

Okay, so, if the director had interest in writing queer stories since before Persona 4, why is Persona 4 the way it is then?

Well, because - and there's no way around it - he sucks at it.

Katsura Hashino has to be one of the clumsiest "gay activists" I've ever seen in my whole darn life. He finds queer people "cool", but seemingly never had any queer writers or sensitivity readers on his teams and it's caused enormous blunders in how these themes have been handled. For example, when after Persona 3 it was pointed out to him that the writing of the female characters in interaction with the male characters was bad, he immediately hired more female writers and gave them free reign for how to handle the female characters from then on out. But apparently the same thing never happened with his mishandling of queer themes. He wants Catherine's Erica and Rin to be empowering figures for trans women and gay men, but makes a lot of blunders in how he has other characters interact with them to the point it buries his good intentions. Erica's boyfriend having gay panic upon realizing she's trans is treated as "funny and cute", even by Erica herself. Rin technically being a monogender alien really undermines his story of becoming more secure in his sexuality. It goes on and on like that.

The intention with Naoto's story was to point out the extreme sexism in Japanese society and how it forces female nerds to find alternate modes of self-expression, but the clumsy choice of including surgery themes in Naoto's dungeon completely buried that for especially western queer audiences. Most people don't even remember Naoto's dungeon was outright modeled after a Kamen Rider villain hideout. They completely shot themselves in the foot with this one. Additionally, the way Naoto is handled AFTER the dungeon makes her (I'm using that pronoun because she calls herself a "woman" in Japanese in the game) seem more like someone who's on the verge of discovering they are X-gender (the japanese word for "nonbinary") than a repressed girl. Like, right down to how she has Rise help her experiment with clothes in the canonical drama CDs only to realize she really is uncomfortable with skirts and go for an androgynous but less restrictive look going forward. The way she dresses in the Golden epilogue and P4D is pretty X-gender core if you ask me. If they had leaned into that they could have genuinely have had something AMAZING, while also presenting the themes of sexism they wanted to explore, but the lack of queer sensitivity readers kind of ruined it.

Same for Kanji. The way they write him makes it seem like he's bisexual or pansexual, rather than straight, but they kinda shove that part of him aside after his dungeon is done, leaving his actual orientation up in the air and wasting a really good chance for representation. NOW, given what happened to Yosuke's social link, it's quite possible the original intent WAS to explore this more and it got cut, but as it stands, we'll never know. The huge problem of the internalized toxic stereotypes his Shadow presented never being reflected on and put into their right context in the rest of the game, when his social link could've given a great opportunity for that is also a huge shame.

All of this happened because of Atlus being unwilling to let their writers go all out with queer themes in fears of alienating a cishet audience AND because Hashino never sat his writing team down with any actual queer writers to sort this shit out and learn how to get across what the team was ACTUALLY trying to say. Now, given, Persona 4 was far from the only Japanese media property with that exact issue at the time, but it hurts especially much in its case because of the game's themes of exploring the truth to its logical conclusion, as well as psychology. These are issues that a remake REALLY would do well to address and correct. I feel like they actually will HAVE to do that, because sensitivity readers have become the NORM in handling these themes now in Japanese media, rather than the exception. You can thank trail blazing mainstream works like Zombie Land Saga for that.

All in all, Persona 4's handling of queer themes is an exercise in frustration that I hope is corrected soon.

#Persona 4 #Neni Replies #Naoto Shirogane #Kanji Tatsumi

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lowkeyrobin · 7 months

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if your taking requests then can i get an mcyt hcs of a s/o with long hair that's curly but like in a taylor swift debut type curly not like a barrel curls type way. anyway so their s/o's hair is like mega wild and they just never really style it, they brush it and take care of it but just not like sit down and style it, and so their hair is almost always down naturally and just how they'd react to it

yes of course!! thanks for the request, I rlly like this one :D hopefully I got everyone you're looking for here lol 🫶🫶🫶

MCYT ; you have long & curly hair

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, freddie badlinu, niki nihachu, quackity, and foolish gamers

warnings ; language

y/f/c = your favorite color

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

absolutely loves your hair

he loves playing with it & he loves losing his hands in the density

he never asks to style your hair or anything because he doesn't know shit about it, but he likes being walked through how you care for it

at one point he randomly blurts out "you know, I've never seen you style your hair before"

"What, do you want me too?"

you guys have this whole little (civilized) conversation about your hair and how you prefer to wear it down instead of trying to fight with it

he gets interested if he can try and style it himself for you because he thinks you'd look so awesome with some styles

you shrug and let him

he does some simple stuff, needing your help to braid and whatever

he does a waterfall braid, then tries out some small, simple updos and two French braids

after that you go outside while the sun is sitting and take a bunch of pretty pictures of each other

he absolutely loves your hair, natural or styled

he loves learning about how you take care of it and you let him help you do so as well

he just likes watching you do stuff with your hair in general, and likes asking questions on what everything does

such a sweetheart fr

RANBOO

bro you literally saved their dead, fried ass hair /lh

it first started over the fact that you pointed out how fried their hair looked and that they needed to try new products so they took advice from you, obviously

literally spent 5 hours in the bathroom teaching him all about the products you use and what they do for your hair

and obviously they'd work different for both of you because you have totally different hair, but it'd still definitely help his hair

you introduce him to some more clarifying shampoo and massage-in cream/lotion to help his hair not get really dry or overly greasy and excentuate the fluffininess of their natural texture and the layers in their haircut

genuinely doesn't trust anyone with his hair other than you

always asks you questions about his hair, considering you know best

he likes watching you take care of your hair as well, like when you massage your scalp with oil or detangling, or diffusing it after a shower

he also helps you with a lot of this because he genuinely wants to and reaching the back of your head is a struggle sometimes

like when/if you have to section it and clip it up, he'll be there with the hot pink clips and a dream

you teach him all about different combs and he just nods the whole way through

he did actually retain that information

tweeting out shit like "ranboo just learned what a wide tooth comb is today, #parenting #momlife #dadlife #millenial"

FREDDIE BADLINU

loves learning about your hair texture

he also loves taking care of it for you

if you're too sick or tired, just sit down in the bathtub

he's got the detachable shower head, a towel, your products, and a dream

a dream to just make you sit down for 3 seconds and chill, God damn

anyways, you teach him all about the different products you use, how often you use them, why you use them, etc etc

you let him play around with your hair sometimes, but not that much

he likes braiding like 3 strands of your curls together to make some little braids and whatever to frame your face but that's really it

when you're cuddling and stuff, he totally like massages your scalp and loves getting his hands tangled in your curls

it's like a nap when you wake up with lines on your arms/face and your mouth is all dry like you've been drooling

best feeling ever

"wait, what's the difference between almond oil and coconut oil again?"

"the diffuser is this thing, right?"

after a while, he knows all the words like a second language

he ends up getting bored one day and doesn't wanna do the dishes so he decides to organize all your stuff for you

you already had little system but after a while you just threw things back in the general vicinity where they belonged so he was like "eh fuck it this is more fun than doing dishes"

he makes sure to sort by the order you use them and how often instead than in color order which

you walk in, see him organizing and just walk out bc no way in hell were you disturbing him nor were you gonna organize it yourself LMAO

QUACKITY

he really doesn't understand all the different products and tools but he does his best to learn

he just likes helping you take care of it and stuff

he notices literally all your combs and brushes are like breaking at the seams so he's like "fuck it I'll buy you new, more high quality ones"

he's a gift giver/acts of service guy what can I say

he makes sure they're either in black, white, or your favorite color, whatever you prefer

even gets you a new water bottle for backup bc the old one barely functioned

also reorders anything when you're running low asap

will gladly spend 200 dollars on hair care products and replacing old stuff

your happiness matters more than how much money he has in his pocket to him

also helps you organize all your stuff once you get a good little setup going

deadass streams it too

"wait, why aren't we doing it by color?"

"Why would that make sense? you always organize this kinda stuff by the order in which you use it"

"Okay Hermione Granger"

"bro what"

the silence 💀

he barely knows the difference between a fine tooth comb and a master sketcher but it's okay

don't even try to ask him the difference between all the different types of oils

literally gets embarrassed like "no! I knew that, I thought you were talking about something else!"

he's a lawyer and a streamer, not a salon professional dude 😭🙏

NIKI NIHACHU

she loves your hair no matter what you do with it

she loves being able to comb through it with her fingers or help you just tie it back if you're gonna get messy or stream for a bit

don't even worry about having to take care of it out of the shower, she's got you

she knows the whole routine front to back

you guys share some products

especially combs and brushes but duh

it's a mix of black, purple, and y/f/c LMAO

she frequently disinfects all your combs and brushes and everything for you too

after time she labels all the combs and brushes and whatnot so just in case you guys don't mix anything up, especially if you'd rather just not share certain things just in case which is totally fine!

she loves putting clips in your hair to push the front bits away from your face

she's got those cute, little, silver star ones

absolutely loves the smell of the stuff you put in your hair

when you're snuggling, she'll always hide her face in like the crook of your neck or in your hair cause it's genuinely soothing

she also likes braiding 3 strands to just frame your face and to add a cute little sign of her so you carry her around all day basically

FOOLISH GAMERS

has no idea of what's ever going on in the bathroom

but he'll help you if you need it anyways

"whats this one for again?"

he's got a hairbrush, a comb and some clips for any backup random shit

he has no idea what eggshell infused keratin etc etc means (I was trying to thing of my shampoo but can't remember other than the eggshell part LMFAO)

he does like asking questions about everything and learning what it does

"Why do you only use some like less than others?"

he's just here for the learning experience

notices some tattered tools in drawers/cupboards so for your birthday he gets you a whole new set of stuff from a really fancy brand

"Holy shit, how much did this cost??"

the silence afterwards was SO LOUD before you heard quackity literally cackling behind you

tweeting shit like "foolish just learned what a rat tail comb is. holy shit" and "foolish just learned about shrinkage today?"

in his defense, he never really though about shrinkage that much, he totally didn't put it into perspective and forgot your hair is technically double/triple the length of what he usually sees

like you'll pull it away from your face to demonstrate and he's just like "damn how long have you been growing your hair??? how have I not noticed?"

also a photographer when it comes to you

loves posting pics where your hair is a defining subject and just really perfects your presence and beauty <3

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt preferences #mcyt x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt oneshot #quackity x reader #ranboo x reader #badlinu x reader #charlie slimecicle x reader #nihachu x reader #foolish gamers x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader

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