#idk why. i fully did this to myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

codgod · 6 months

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sorrow, stupidity, resentment, remembrance

and the specific meanings i used [since they vary depending where you look]:

grass - submission

purple hyacinth - sorry, sorrow

nuts - stupidity

petunia - resentment, anger, your presence soothes me

geranium - stupidity, folly

forget-me-not - true love, remembrance

bleeding hearts - love, heartbreak

#.qna #.png #qsmp #charlie slimecicle #slimecicle #qsmp slime #fanart #okay Well i went in on this one a bit more than i meant to #idk why. i fully did this to myself #but man do i love a cluttered artwork…#idk why i did walnuts specifically ig i just thought they’d look nice. bea easy to draw. yk #*be

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saintetheldreda · 4 months

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in my opinion

castiel: hozier, muse, florence + the machine

dean: led zeppelin, ac/dc, lord huron

sam: arcade fire, bruce springsteen, bob dylan

#supernatural #controversially i did not give dean kansas #cause i just feel like thats a band that embodies the spirit of the show itself more than dean personally #idk why fully i guess its just something to do with how im listening to them personally and my own view of dean #hope the snub wasnt too scandalous cause i love kansas to death hehe #also i limited myself to three IF I GAVE HIM A FOURTH IT WOULD BE KANSAS

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wings-dings-and-iggyfings · 2 months

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Hey all! So if you didn't see it yesterday there is a new Wingfeather trailer for season 2! It's pretty epic!

youtube

There's also a new season 2 poster in their shop, and since it has Peet on it I bought it immediately even though I really don't have extra money to spend this week. xD It also has what I think is the first official/finished look at Maraly?!? (the character, not my kitten) As well as the Fork Factory, Claxton Weaver and the Overseer. 👀👀

https://shop.angel.com/pages/wingfeather

Season 2 covers the first half of book 2 and is releasing sometime this year!

#the wingfeather saga tv show #the wingfeather saga #wingfeather saga season 2 #sara cobbler #peet the sockman #maraly weaver #the cognitive dissonance I feel about maraly in the show not having black hair when maraly the kitten does is just #they have the same face tho Idk how to explain that but they do #me @ the wingfeather creators: hey why didn't you fully match this character design to my cat akjlghjfasgdslafjgdf #the fact that they switched sara and maraly's hair colors from book to show is so funny to me #not that I think it ever explicitly states their hair colors but I'm going off the joe sutphin illustrations #Idk maybe they did... now I need to check xD #y'all there's a shot of sara in the fork factory in the trailer and it looks EXACTLY #how I pictured it in my mind how'd they do that #I'm gonna go through the trailer frame-by-frame and make sure I didn't miss any shots of peet #he has one (1) obvious trailer moment #I keep reminding myself that it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to sideline my boy and have the plot make sense #because we HAVE to see peet go to the phoob islands because he HAS to be there to save tink #still sitting here wondering how they're gonna handle nugget #they HAVE to do that well or they will loose SO many people :/#I have fanfic ideas for that actually someday hopefully I'll write them #Youtube

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dahldahlbills · 2 months

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I really need to get serious about personal projects again

#I think I said something like this last year too lol #currently in a weird headspace about it #the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom #(something that I never really did when I was focused on publishing a few years back)#so part of me feels like in order to make considerable progress on projects again I need to cut myself off from fandom #and I kinda have been weening myself off a bit from animanga but not really for that reason #it was mostly bc I was getting overwhelmed by how much I was consuming and I wanted to appreciate things fully #I don’t think I’d cut myself off from fandom completely either I’d still try to keep up with stuff #but the idea of not engaging in fandom anymore kinda.. scares me?#idk I feel like a major loser admitting this lol #it just feels like I’d lose a lot of connections with people #and would lose a lot of the love I have for stories if I’m not actively interacting with them :(#and then there’s also that stupid feeling of being a ‘fake fan’ because I’m not dedicating every single second of free time to fandom #which is dumb bc like I have a life and need to make money yknow I got things to do #im just Stressed bc I’m at such a critical stage career wise and im getting closer to 26 so hhhhh healthcare coverage will be up in the air #so I really can’t afford to dawdle #there’s just so much I wanna do and while I’m not necessarily racing to get it done I still want to take advantage of the time I have #but it also sucks feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to progress on another part of myself #I don’t think any of this makes sense sorry I just needed to dump my thoughts bc I am Terrified™️#anyway personal projects! gotta get back to those !#blahblahbills #delete later

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seraphim-soulmate · 1 month

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so how do I reconcile with just having big baby loser brain that decided I'd be mentally ill and perpetually stuck suffering instead of having just dealt with my shit in a more normal way? or is there some neuroscience that can explains that I don't have a cringefail brain but it's actually something else??

i mean. it's shame. shame I feel for struggling with things i consider i shouldn't struggle with, which i guess is kinda stupid bcs when i take a step back i realize it's understandable that im struggling with certain things ive lived through. being stuck in them doesn't entirely make sense, but I'm willing to accept that my past shaped me. not to mention that I'm also somehow kind of constantly going through really hard situations on top of also dealing with my past? but it also all (mental illness and emotional sensitivity, I mean) started with something, and my early childhood was my parents getting divorced.

but I consider that banal, plenty of parents get divorced and it doesn't mean their kid suffers from treatment-resistant depression and ptsd. I guess divorce is so normalized now that i don't consider it a valid thing to be traumatized over, at least not to the extent to which ive experienced symptoms. but I was separated from one parent, always missing one or the other, without any explanation that could make sense to a child's brain about why any of this happened and why i have to suffer because of it. can I get rid of the shame by validating the struggles I went through? would that make me feel better about having been disabled by my life experiences?

#personal #me #mental health #i don't mean this as an insult to other people who also struggle with the same shit i struggle with #its just rn im in quite an awful state and its a question that keeps replaying #but writing this out did make me realize how cruel it is to think this of myself ig #it doesnt make the thought any less extant though.#like is it that my brain and biology were structured this way? did i have a predisposition and then life events made me develop like thi #this*#its also possible its autism. but i don't know enough to know how to cope with that either.#from what I've gathered it means i actually have a genetic difference that made me more vulnerable to emotional difficulties?#i dont know what the point of finding out the answer to this is either. i guess to justify why its okay for me to be like this.#because so far it doesn't seem right. it doesnt make sense that i have this many mental issues.#maybe my expectations are unrealistic.#idk my psych at some point said i have these things in place so i wouldnt just fully lose my mind.#and i thought id gotten to a place where i didnt need dissociation as a coping tool anymore #but then more things that are super overwhelming keep happening in my life #and chronic pain plus sensory issues arent things that make you want to be present in your body either tbf

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welcometogrouchland · 1 year

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I think the disconnect between canon Belos and (a certain genre of) fanon Belos is that in canon he is pathetic (in the dramatic sense) not sympathetic.

#ramblings of a lunatic #like that's the thing he's a tragic character in a sense but he's pitiable in the dramatic sense more than anything else #you pity his codependency and his hypocrisy and his refusal to ever change and his borderline stupidity #(like I get it he's good at machines and hes good at manipulating ppl! but his plans are also kinda stupid and that's on purpose)#(he is a conservative he is charismatic not machiavellian)#but you fully understand that his refusal to ever grow or learn (which is the crux of his. Everything) is his fault #i don't know man I'm just kinda over the fandom conversations around Belos after watching and dreaming #even if it wasn't my first choice or instinct I've made the effort to understand why the writers did his ending the way they did #and i see their pov and I've decided actually. yeah i can see how that works #bc fundamentally while a very important character philip has never been the crux of this story #it has always always been Luz King and Eda. and the amount of ppl who are. deeply pissy about that fact #idk man i don't consider myself like. knowledgeable and conscious enough to accurately identify white bias in fandom #and I'm fully aware that fandom is not praxis and it's generally shitty to insist ppl spend more or less time on certain aspects of media #as if fandom is about filling quotas for HR #but also i can't ignore the fuckin. itchy feeling that ppl really took this man at his word when his main character trait is being A Liar #all bc he's a white guy with long hair #he's cool! i like him! especially now that i remembered the vocabulary featured in this post! i have words to describe my feelings on him!#and also none of this matters bc He Is Not Real and the toh writers are not sniffling and sobbing rn bc some ppl think they did belos dirty #i just have ''opinionated on characters'' disease #and my opinion of philip is that he's a great villain #but ppl willfully ignore WHY he's a great villain (He Is An Interesting Depiction of a Religious Conservative)#in order to invent different and more traditionally sympathetic reasons why he's great (he's just afraid and alone and he feels bad and he)#(you get it)#okay. I'm done #Do Not Read The Fucking Tags

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crossbackpoke-check · 1 year

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i C u moyle

captured in 4k

#i REFUSE to admit defeat at the hands of the umich boys #except i did verbatim send a text to my roommate that said ‘bro stop he’s disgusting i’m so in love with him’#after fully watching a trail of spit come out of his mouth while he was bent over to take a face off. i am Down Bad #also nolan never keeps his tongue in his mouth my dude is just out there full 👅 all the time i can’t stand him close ur mouth or i’ll kiss u #nolan moyle #ethan edwards #philippe lapointe #relatedly duker skates EXACTLY the way he runs in the monday videos which is how i identify him at all times & i almost started wheezing #if i knew how to make gifs there would be gifs of nolan stickhandling however i don’t Know how to make live videos gifs ☺️#deep cuts from the draft dumpster dives #is this from two different games? the world may never know (yeah. do i remember exact dates for either of them? no of course not)#we’re just getting close to the end of the season & i am succumbing to my desire to post Him #also inCREDIBLE nemcklance content in the second picture (not of nolan) 🫠#nemcklance #things i am not proud of: my reaction 2 this. everyone shhh i’m allowed one breakdown about a dirtbag per quarter & i haven’t seen mo enough #like most days i do not want to be a puck bunny but sometimes u lock eyes with a man & go ohhh the hoggles are glued on for you ✊😔 buffooner #trying 2 undo my internalized misogyny! by allowing myself 2 say i can be a valid sports fan who likes players! sorry about it! idk why him!#it is 1000% because of la’s umich fic & all the lore though. most likely. also apparently i’m a crustasche lover 😪 the struggle is real #if u loved me u would have stopped at the tag about nolan drooling on the ice & we will never speak of this again (said by someone who will)

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hella1975 · 2 years

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anyway in regards to my last post this is all to say that if i moved to a foreign country and shared a nice apartment with my mutuals where we did boring errands together and listened to nice music and danced barefeet then everything would be okay i think

#only recently discovering how much shame i internalised in regards to my writing #like genuinely think i have more internalised shame around my writing than i do being gay LMAO #there's a reason for it too shit went down when i was twelve and i connected it to my writing even though it kinda didnt have anything to #do with that it was just me using it as a coping mechanism again but ofc at that age i didnt know that's what it was #so for a good few years it was just 'WRITING BAD' like i fully didnt even have a laptop for those years i did not write a single word #idk why i thought i could just pick it up again without any residual issues towards writing #like even when boom and hannah were here or when im talking to my one irl that songwrites about writing #i just feel so genuinely uncomfortable like someone's about to do a 'gotcha!' moment on me #it's just something that feels like it needs to be a big dirty secret and that combined with my hometown vibes is just sooo stinky #but yh i realised how nice it was just having people i could just authentically get excited about writing with #like telling people about plot points or twists and having them be like !!!! omg !!!! like i want to surround myself with those people!!#i want to be brave enough and comfortable enough that i try and publish my shit regardless of what my hometown is saying!!!#and i will be one day i have faith in my own stubbornness and spite if nothing else #that my hatred of this town will overrule my fear of it #but for now it's just a very shit time lol #one day grown up hella will be buying apples with hannah and boom and we'll be talking about our wips in the shop #where anyone can hear us and on that day i'll stop and give a moment to baby hella who was so scared and ashamed #and i'll smile a little. and then i'll ram the trolley into hannah's ankles just for a laugh and i'll forget all about it

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essektheylyss · 1 year

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So often I consider writing a post on various different ways of using point of view and tense and why you would use any of them and how it might affect what you're trying to say, but honestly there is no way to write that post that would not be only a minute sample of uses and rationales and circumstances, and in the end the meaning would simply boil down to, "Literally everything a writer puts down on a page is a choice that has meaning and effects so you might as well make the choices intentionally before you inadvertently step on your own story."

#and really at that point you might as well go read body work by melissa febos instead #I've said it before and I'll say it again: I do mean LITERALLY everything.#I am actually EXACTINGLY intentional in my writing #to the point that I can fully identify EXACT things that I chose to do for reasons I didn't much like #and still now am annoyed at myself for doing.#like there is ONE specific thing in luminous worlds that I did out of lack of confidence and yanno what? still annoyed about it.#(it's published and done tho and that was the choice I made so I have left it and moved on cuz the lesson was learned.)#I was editing the piece I mentioned this weekend and there was one point where the manner of address was in dispute #and the editor had said to explain if I really felt strongly about not making a change #and I did take many of the changes suggested cuz they didn't do anything to the meaning OR they actually clarified a meaning #but this one which I had done somewhat unconsciously I realized like. no that actually has a purpose and meaning.#I'm really not saying 'agonize over every aspect' but like... idk understand WHY you're doing things #do! not! ever! compromise! on your intentions in a story!#anyway this is my only only only hard rule of writing #every time I have compromised on this rule I have regretted it #but I still love things I wrote years ago because I judge all pieces on whether or not they did what I intended.#if they accomplished that? they were good and they're still good.

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lesbiansanemi · 1 year

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How to explain to normal people how deeply I relate to Maki Zenin and Sanemi Shinazugawa without sounding like I’m so fucking unstable and need therapy five times a week. How to explain that it’s not just the inherent anger with the world they feel, because I do fully fully relate to that as well but that’s surface level. Yes I am angry, but their reasons for the anger?? Their relationships to their younger siblings???? How the fuck am I supposed to say that I get it. I get that fucked up relationship to your younger siblings, and how so much of you hinges on that identity as the Eldest Sibling but specifically the failed eldest sibling. I so deeply understand Maki and her want to live for herself, damn the consequences her sister received for it, because it’s her life, if she wants to live it spiteful and angry and for herself and against her family in every way she damn well should be able to, who cares if her sister is dragged in and suffers for it. Who cares if she has to learn to grow up and suffer the same ways. Until suddenly you do care and by then it’s too late, you can’t go back, you can’t make it easier for her, you can’t make her happier, and by the time you maybe want to try it’s far too late. I understand Sanemi and the pain and anger you feel when you’ve watched your younger siblings suffer far too long before ultimately losing them and never getting the chance to help them live better. I get pushing them away from you and treating them far less than they deserve in an attempt to drive them away because you’re just going to make it worse, you’re living the hard life, you’re the target, you’re the bad influence, so if they’re not close to you, they’re less likely to get dragged in. But they do anyway and then you cut off that relationship for nothing but because they’re younger siblings they forgive you and still want it but you don’t deserve it so you don’t let them and it just keeps going and keeps going and keeps going and until you lose them forever. Until you’re the Eldest Sibling who no longer has younger siblings to be the Eldest Sibling for, you fucked it up and sure life didn’t help all that much but a good chunk of it is your own damn fault. And I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m so so so fine

#I am having a TIME this morning it’s fine it’s okay #I miss my siblings but idk what to do about that I can’t do anything about that #and seeing my relationships to my siblings mirrored in these two characters is making me want to fucking scream #why did *I* get the tragic sibling character arc why couldn’t I have gotten one of the amazing powerful ones about how close siblings are #and how much they love each other and how nothing can separate them #why did *I* get ruined relationships with five kids that I thought I hated until I realized I didn’t I loved them but what’s it matter #because loving them results in the same thing resentment and dislike did #it’s fine I’m fine going to email my mom a summary of maki and sanemi’s character arcs and see if that clues her in to anything 😭😭#also hate hate haaaate how cringey it is that it took seeing these storylines and everything play out for these two characters to fully #conceptualize and process my relationship to and feelings regarding my own siblings #so THANKS to these two I guess now I just miss them when before I had convinced myself I didn’t #BCJDJDJSJS tragic eldest siblings WHAT have you done to me #kaz rambles

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neverendingford · 9 months

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