#idk. i don’t even know how to do therapy. and i’ve tried

[vagueiish]

ugh, i have a therapy tomorrow but i’ve always sucked at therapy. and it’s telehealth too…. but i get 8 free sessions per benefits year through work so. yay?

[stayathome-ts]

Alright. Guess it’s time to cowboy up.

[mysterycitrus]

You’ve talked about how fandom treats jtodd & dick, so what are your thoughts on how fandom treats dick & tim?

There’s this post that’s asking about people’s batfamily hot takes, and I was scrolling through the reblogs bc I love drama. One of the “hot takes” was calling dick a bad brother bc of the bruce lost in time comic era. Specifically saying that fandom excuses dick’s shitty behavior towards Tim bc his dad (Bruce) died and because of the stress of taking care of the city by himself. While Tim was hurting because of the deaths of Kon, Bart, Jack, Steph, and Donna (idk why they included Donna as Tim’s grief and not Dick’s??) and therefore Tim’s & Dick’s hurt and stress aren’t the same. According to this person, Tim was going through it and Dick was making it worse.

Now, I’m not going to claim I know how everything went down since I haven’t read those comics yet, but this feels like a gross misunderstanding of the arc.

From what I’ve seen, fandom tends to invalidate and villainize Dick during this time in favor of Tim. Dick is not being excused, in fact he’s being blamed for things that are either not his fault or just made up in order to whump Tim. Idk that “hot take” just rubbed me the wrong way because of how one-sided it was, and I guess it made me wonder about your thoughts about Dick & Tim since I tend to agree with your opinions lmao

fundamentally the issue is this — dick grayson existing and being a good person is an obstacle for fanon angst. dick grayson being a good brother means that jtodd can’t just slot into his pre-existing relationships with tim and cass and damian. dick grayson being a good friends means that he’s close with the titans and the league because he’s competent and trusted. dick grayson being kind means that he didn’t abandon tim, he was literally trying to keep everything together after bruce’s death.

not to try and make it a grief olympics but as much as people talk about everyone tim has lost (and i think they must have been talking about dana winters in that post?) people seem to forget that dick’s city just got nuked + the fallout of nightwing 93 + donna dying + jade dying + the titans falling apart + he was just locked in arkham himself. like… his dad has just died, he’s had to fight off his brother who’d just tried to kill both tim and damian and been given custody over a kid who doesn’t trust him

red robin 2009 has done irreversible harm to tim drakes character. people using that as the starting point for reading about him is bad. it’s a comic about a grief spiral, and it isn’t an amazing depiction of him either. but even then, people just seem to love straight up fabricating what’s in it.

dick tells tim that therapy might be a good idea. tim tells dick that he’s leaving because he trusts dick to let him do what he needs to do. even at his lowest point, dick is who he trusts most. those takes that’re like “tim drake was at his lowest point and then jtodd sees him and realises that he’s cool actually and they bond #jasontoddisagoodbrother #dickgraysonisabadbrother etc” because they like to posit that dick threatened to throw tim in arkham are so silly

that’s even ignoring how people just straight up lie about damian’s actions and how weird everyone is about ra’s al ghul. no, tim isn’t the only one he refers to as detective aside from bruce. no, tim isn’t one step away from being a mass murderer. no, damian didn’t try to kill tim— he was reacting to tim being suspicious of him. tim was beefing with a ten year old. why are u being so mean to the ten year old? (We Know Why)

ur right — it is extremely one-sided. im not one to pretend that canon is flawless by any means, but acting as though fanon is better just because someone online came up with it is also stupid. there are many many racist undertones with how jtodd and tim are interpreted, both separately and with each other. a lot of it is yaoi baiting dynamics, that a lot of fans don’t seem to want to admit. i won’t comment on how white people writing jtodd as latino and tim as asian can be Bad but like…. it’s all tied up together. people want these two characters to have suffered the most, because that justifies everything fans want them to do. they want them to be wronged. they want their idea of justice in their name

[xxzlushiez]

Hiiii, i hope you having good day! Can you please write story with tokio hotel (seperate) and them doing aftercare to reader? Luv yaaa🫶🏻🫶🏻

Sweetness

Tokio Hotel x GN! Reader

Synopsis: how the boys act after sex with their S/O (idk what to call this guys)

Notes: Implied sex ofc, aftercare, the boys just being sweet and mushy for Name, I made them in an established relationship I hope you don’t mind

A/N: HI Anon!! I hope your day is going good as well! I thought this request was so different than what I usually write and i had a lot of fun doing it🫶TYSM for the request! Luv ya🫶🫶

B. Kaulitz

- I’ve written some headcanons abt how he is in bed but let’s talk about the after🤭

- super sweet

- does anything you ask him to do

- we all know he’s a straight DOG for you so you can imagine how he is

- he doesn’t like to leave you because he thinks your super vulnerable in the moment

- brings you food after

- a little full of himself (but honestly if I was him, I’d act the same)

- he’s like “you probably can’t walk so I got you some things”

- but he just says it so nicely that you can’t even get mad

- like he doesn’t know how vulgar he sounds💀

- cuddles for at least an hour after even if you have stuff to do

- doesn’t let you leave

- you probably couldn’t even if you tried💀

—————

Gustav Schäfer

- I’m gonna say that he’s the most heartthrob one here (argue w the wall🤨)

- super-duper sweet

- like makes me wanna say “awwww ” sweet

- enjoys playing with your hair while you calm down

- you both just lay in bed and talk about upcoming events

-talks about his nerves about tours and likes to comfort you

-it's almost like a little therapy session

-just letting everything out with him from what he thinks about fans to things in your relationship

- massaging your shoulders because God damn, we know he goes rough asl

- likes to have a little make out sesh w u after (If you're up for it) 🤭

- just thinks you're so beautiful especially when the moonlight hits your face just right

- likes to see that after sex glow you have

-can't stop complimenting you

-every time he thinks he's noticed everything he finds something new to praise you on

-he is so sappy and it makes you swoon even more

-says you should take pain killers because wikihow said so💀

-cooks you a meal because he's a total chef as we know

- ugh I’m in love with him guys

—————

Georg Listing

- I was thinking for a long time about him contemplating yk?

- he’s a little different from the others

- lets you do what you want

-like if you say you just want to lay with him and don't need anything he's not going to push it but if you say you need something he turns into Speed😭

- needs to be with you though...

- just hanging around you

- helping with random tasks because they are “too hard on your aching body” (mf...)

- likes to embarrass you and joke about himself in bed

- knows how good he is and it makes you so mad because he brags

-does treat you like a princess though don't doubt him

-likes to take a long shower with you just washing off all the stress and emotions from the day

-says you should just rest for a while and stays with you

-makes a pillow fort and wraps you in blanket while you just sit there like 😒"not this again bro"

—————

Tom Kaulitz

-he's still getting used to the whole aftercare thing so bear with him for a little please

-but when he does get used to it, he's either just so awkward or really romantic

-on the awkward side he'll be like "...that was good. Do you feel good?"

-but that's usually only when he's like really dazed and fucked out

-normally he's just a talker

-makes sure your content before getting out of your shared bed to grab a cloth for you to clean up with

-prefers to just be calm and relaxed with you after. no distractions he's only focused on you

-it's kind of random but he really likes to choose clothes of his for you to wear so your comfy

-once you're both changed, he wants to just sleep

-I hope you're sleepy to because once he's cuddled up to you, he's GONE

-out like a light switch 💀

-there is no waking him up for at least a few hours

-so, get comfortable because he has an iron grip and won't let you go

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey I’ve read a little about the law and I kind of don’t care about it. I’ve manifested well without it and honestly it just seems like an over complication so I can still get into the void without using it, because most people do, but everyone on tumblr seems to disagree with that sentiment

Funny story, I actually shifted before I even properly leaned about the law.

I remember this one girl on Reddit who was a very popular shifter told everyone that the key to shifting was the law of assumption and Neville Goddard lectures. She shifted to Harry Potter after understanding his lectures and it only took her only a week after being on her journey for two years.

At this point, I was sooo depressed and down bad to shift. I had tried every single method under the sun on Reddit, Quora, amino, YouTube, and others methods derived from religion….so her telling me this man was my key was an absolute dream. Again I was down bad, so atp I would have eaten cow shit if that’s what it took to shift 😭😭 it is maddening thinking about how depressed and obsessed I was with it but whatever I’m up now.

Anyways I still never really got into the law because it was boring and his lectures made me fall asleep at the time. I was like 17 and didn’t really care how or why shifting worked, I just wanted to escape tbh. Anyways I decided to actually take the law seriously but then the creator who introduced me to the law left Reddit and shifting media because she believed she was mentally ill, and shifting was fake and she had to get therapy.

I remember I hated Neville and the law of assumption after that so I dropped it, which is super funny to me because why was I blaming a dead man for this situation. I avoided it with my life and anytime someone recommended it to me I got unhealthily mad and told them to shut up probably idk. I was 17 and depressed and in a really bad place and that situation just made me spiral beyond anything and ruined my mental health.

Anyways I focused on manifesting better mental health and a better life after that,and shifted my attention to just intention which is literally the everything inside an assumption. I ended up shifting obviously and then I dove into the law out of curiosity because after I did it I just wanted to know.. I guess the logistics behind it because it was a cool phenomenon to me.

But this wasn’t until 6 months after I shifted and now.. well I obviously love the law and understand it and have a blog dedicated to it so I obviously use and recommend it!

What I will say is everything we learn with the law, 3D and 4D, dwelling in imaginations, states, affirm and persist, the ego, I am state, persistence, you know all that good jazz that I even talk about, is simply because we wanna learn and understand it properly. If you don’t want to use the law or whatever that’s fine but understanding assumption creates reality is the bases of everything.

Just understand that and it’s literally the same thing without all the other stuff lol. I guess that’s why I love intention! it’s the premise of everything we do. Intending, wanting, desiring, whatever and then assuming it to be true is so simple and it works. At least that’s how I shifted anyways. Regardless you use the law even if you’re not aware of it, and there are people entering the void, manifesting, and shifting without knowing the law so why would that be different for you?

So if you wanna use the void (which is literally within you, so hating it means hating your pure state of consciousness which is weird)why would the discussion about it even matter unless you assume it does anyways. Idk my perception around it is completely different since I have met a lot of people with experiences with the void (like my church friend who died) but not the way the tumblr girlies use it. It’s valid regardless!

Literally just assume whatever benefits you and resonates with you will work and it will work, point blank periodt.

[hemipenal-system]

this thread is fucking long and the cut is in an awkward place just bear with it please

so werewolves are a stock horror villain (and the posts directly below this one are about that! go look at them) and don’t get me wrong i love werewolf horrorsmut but i want to see more of:

werewolves who just aren’t scary in any way. like sure the shift may be scary. they may look kinda scary. but they’re just people like everyone else even if they are more ruled by instinct than the average human. i think stuff like that is a nice way to explore what it means to be a person and how humanity can be a fluid category, especially when the werewolves in question are transgender/disabled/personality disorder coded.

like i want some wholesome shit about werewolves who can’t even pass as ambiguously human. they’re just very overtly werewolves: massive sharp, snarling bundles of taut muscles and sinew, 8, 9 feet tall, who are very capable of snapping and killing everything around them

but don’t. because they’re treated well and loved even though they’re not like everyone else. and it doesn’t matter that they aren’t, because they are like everyone else even if they’re not. i know that sounds a bit confusing on the face but i mean stuff like:

- “oh yeah no worries, Sharon from accounting’s a wolf too! no no we love her! remember when we went to topgolf for that company outing? they couldn’t find any clubs in her size so she outdrove us all with clubs a foot too short it was hysterical!”

- “all right you should be scheduled for this week! next two weeks are the same? no right of course not because you need moon days. yeah that’s totally fine i will get that in to HR and you should be all good!”

- “is- no it’s fine- is it ok if i stay shifted in here? the pain is less bad when i’m shifted. no i have no idea why lol. you’re sure? the shedding is ok and everything? aww sweetie i love you too!”

- “i mean, hip dysplasia is normal in wolves your age, and you had fairly active teenage years, so it happens. it’s not anything to worry about though, i’ll get you in contact with a fantastic physical therapist! no she specializes in wolf patients. she’s great at what she does, i promise. i’ll get you a month of painkillers but over-the-counter should work alright too. take these, go to therapy, and if it’s still doing that in a month come back and we can try something else.”

- “hey, baby, look at me. i know people are staring at you. you don’t need to care about them. you have just as much right to be here as they do. just ignore them.”

- “no i’m absolutely not mad at you! you can’t control that happening! no it was a full moon what the fuck were you supposed to do? look, i can replace the couch you mauled and the TV and vases you broke but i can’t replace you getting hurt because you tried to stave off the shift. we’ll go shopping for new ones together, ok? and we’ll get some cheap shit you can break for next month and a couple steaks for you to fuck up. i promise i’m not mad- hey get off me you big lug stop fucking licking me your mouth tastes like couch cushions…”

- “it’s actually so real to be worried about hurting your human partner in bed. you won’t hurt her, dude, i’ve known her for years you should be more scared of her than she is of you. they make, like, these rings. it’s like a silicone spacer- no it goes on your dick, idiot. it’s so you don’t like fuck into her cervix or whatever. supposedly those help? idk if they come in wolf sizes though.”

show me the negative stuff, too. show me:

- werewolves who muzzle themselves in cities even though it’s only a first quarter moon because they’re scared they’ll snap and hurt someone even though that fear makes them so careful around everyone they never would

- wolves who have moon trackers on their phone because they need to know when they’re going to get forced into a shift so they can get away from everyone because they don’t want to get violent but they can’t control it and the last time they were around someone she ended up in the hospital. she’s really understanding about it and they’re friends now but it doesn’t make it feel any less horrible

- wolves who get asked every single fucking time they get nice dinner, “so do you want your steak cooked, or what?” by waiters who think they’re funny but really aren’t

- werewolves who walk on eggshells in public because they know if they make any minor mistake or show any aggression whatsoever the pundits on the news will talk about “a werewolf snarled at my kid today. i mean i try to be trusting but you never know with those people. they have those fangs for a reason is all i’m saying.”

- werewolves who are scared to shift in public for the same reason as above, because they know how they’ll be perceived if they show people they’re a wolf

- werewolves who can’t find wolf doctors in their area so they keep going back to human doctors who don’t know how the fuck to treat their unique health conditions and when they complain about this they get a flippant “have you tried a veterinarian?”

- werewolves in therapy because their last relationship was with a human who sucked and it was really bad and that trauma has manifested as resource guarding and reactivity issues and it’s causing problems at work

i love this stuff. i want more. i also cannot write conclusion paragraphs to save my life so this is the end now. thanks for reading all this if you’re reading this.

😊

[queer-whatchamacallit]

So I decided I was going to rewatch The Bear and take notes, partly bc autism and partly bc I want more interesting details for fics and just to get to know the characters even better

(Also, I’ve been curious about what makes Carmy blow up vs what makes him dissociate)

So here’s some things I noticed that you could also pick apart like I have here

Carmy has his apron on in the dream, maybe it’s just because that’s what he’s been wearing pretty much all the time for the past couple weeks or because his work is so tied with his family (w/ bears as symbolism for that) but idk

Him waking up on a random counter in The Beef confirms my headcanon that he falls asleep in weird places OR he fell asleep in the office and sleepwalked there

In this ep, any imagery or mention of Michael is pretty much always tied to religious imagery

Carmy calls her Sugar and him Mike, I’m always inclined to have him say Mikey instead but I don’t think he ever does. Also, Fak calls Carm Bear :]

“What’s UPS?” Is the first in a long string of times where someone tries to talk about something other than the kitchen, and it just doesn’t click with Carm

Syd’s “I know who you are” and Carmy’s “Yeah?” and he just listens to her completely riveted is so funny to me. Tell this man you know he was the CDC at one of the best restaurants in the United States of America and it’s like saying “walk” to a dog

Carm’s “I’m saying something >:[,” starts the classic Berzatto dilemma of no one listening to each other but wanting to be listened to

Reminder that Syd can speak Spanish :D

Richie talks about their “Italian heritage” and later says abt the labels “this is the most Polish shit ever,” which show how close he fits in with the Berzattos and his dislike of his bio family (Jerimovich is Polish right.?)

Richie talks about putting his family back together and him not coming home, and Carmy instantly dissociates

Him asking “Why didn’t he leave it to you then?” Not like a comeback, but a genuine question gets me every time

Carmy’s not good with words, so while this is something that just makes fun dialogue, in universe, it’s interesting to see how often his responses are parroted (ex: Marcus’ “that shit was straight up fire” and Carm’s “Straight up done now Chef”)

When it’s work time, it’s work time. When Fak stops looking at Ballbreaker to mention that he wasn’t able to go to the funeral but he sent flowers, Carm just says he wasn’t there either and swiftly changes the subject back to work

The three siblings and Richie all have gold necklaces. When Sugar shows up, I don’t know if hers was one of the matching ones, and I couldn’t figure out what the charm was on it

Tina says “Why doesn’t your sister come around here anymore?” Implying that she used to. I also feel like T wouldn’t have asked if Sugar stopped coming when she moved out and didn’t have to do what her mom told her to. Maybe Mikey kicked Sugar out of the restaurant too, but she wasn’t too bothered by it

Unlike with Richie, when Nat calls him out on not saying hello, just trying to get work done, he listens, and he slows down. Richie feels like his space in the family is shaky, so he’ll take a lot more shit from them while Nat won’t. She inherited a temper, just like her brothers, I feel like she’s in therapy and likely tackled how to stand up for herself when her family was treating her like shit, and she’s the “normal” middle child between a loud older brother and a worrying little brother, so she probably had to fight for her family’s attention at every turn

Nat mentions their mom and Carm’s eye contact instantly breaks, and it seems like he has to remind himself to breathe

His stutter shows up when arguing that he doesn’t want Jimmy to buy it

Carm’s “I’m gonna fix this place” vs Sug’s “No one’s asking you to” just hits so hard for some reason

When Carm tries to flee back inside, she uses “I love you,” like it’s an argument to keep him from throwing himself back into the restaurant or as a reminder that there’s people out there who want him to be doing well when she thinks the restaurant is hurting him

Sweeps is more of a background character but omg he just quietly looks out for everyone :] (he made sure Syd got to try Carm’s beef recipe :]]]])

Fak was also close with Mikey. I don’t know why I imagine Fak as being not quite as close with everyone as Richie, but they came to Christmas too, edit: Fak’s “but it got fuckin dark at the end” showed that he too knew something was up when Carm didn’t

Carm very much gives off the vibe of being allergic to cats, but I’m going to ignore that and squeeze in my headcanon that he loves Fak’s cats, Ralph and they love him

Richie’s dialogue is such a fun juxtaposition of him trying to feel superior to whoever he’s arguing with with large vocabulary and overconfidence but often falling back into vulgar insults because that’s what he knows best. Also, later in the ep he talks about “up in Napa” with the foie gras and shit to mock Carmy, but Napa isn’t up from them, it’s in California

Richie says “You have no fuckin idea what you’re doing here” and it’s like a switch, Carmy’s comebacks and annoyance with Richie stop, and he’s completely dissociated again. Richie shoves cans of spaghetti sauce into his arms and slaps at his face to steady him because he can probably tell something’s not right with him, but he just ends up leaving him to it

One of the Berzattos main love languages is physical touch via back and shoulder pats

And finally, Carm tosses the can of spaghetti sauce which I’m saying is because he just needs them to fucking listen and trust him when he’s saying no more spaghetti but there’s probably also some kind of Michael significance there too

Edit: I think I just had the realization that family stuff is what makes him dissociate while work stuff tends to make him panic and snap at people. It makes sense, snapping at his family would only escalate things and dissociating separates him from something he’s expected to fix. And Claire is kinda off in her category but falls under the panic response

So yeah!!

That’s pretty much what I got from 1x01 - System

I don’t know when or if I’ll do more of these, but this was so much fun, literally love dissecting these sad little goobers

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

[voloslobotomyservice]

okay so I think I finally have context for that original post so I guess I can address some things:

1. I’m not on Twitter so I don’t know of any drama that goes on there. I actively avoid Twitter because of how toxic it can be and I haven’t been active since like August 2022. If there’s someone on Twitter under this name, it’s not me.

2. I don’t even follow autistichalsin, not here or on Twitter (obviously). I did on my first account before it got shadowbanned but when I switched over here, I didn’t continue following them. I don’t have anything against them, I just don’t follow them currently because of the amount of posts they used to make. Idk if they make that many anymore since I don’t follow them.

3. I never co-signed or agreed with what various people on Twitter have said on that platform. I was briefly told about the drama from someone and was like “oh that sucks people are bothering them.” No other context was given so I didn’t know the full extent of the drama or who said what.

4. I don’t know anyone trying to actively join the black bg3 discord that bhaalbaby started. I remember the post being made about it and reblogging it, but as far as I know that was the last time I heard about it. I do not think it’s okay that anyone who the server was not created for tried to join it.

Bhaalbaaby, if you want to discuss this further, I never blocked you, my DM’s are open for discussion. If you don’t want to discuss things and you want to keep things as it is, that’s fine, I’m not gonna demand a conversation. Considering you linked me a site to help me get therapy, considering you don’t know my life and what I’ve gone through and why I have been in therapy, I do not think you want to have a conversation and that’s fine.

Frankly, I do not want to be named as part of any drama considering I am not actively part of it. I’m not calling myself a victim, I’m just saying that I wasn’t ever actively participating in this so I don’t know where the random callout is from.

This will be the last post I make on this situation. I know you wished ill will on me, but I do not wish it on you.

[mushroomwillow]

I cannot figure out how to sleep. Idk how anyone does it. I wake up and my head feels strange. My thoughts are like when I’ve been drunk. Slurring around not making much sense. My body doesn’t feel real. I get scared thinking about going back to sleep. Even when I know I have work in a few hours. Idk what to do anymore. I’ve tried sleep meds, anxiety meds, antidepressants, therapy, natural remedies, music, earplugs, a fan, not even therapy seemed to help. Raising my legs up, raising the head of the bed, sleeping alone makes it worse, waking up my fiance scares me more and idk why.

I’m perpetually exhausted. I’m always in pain. It gets worse when I’m on my period.

I keep thinking of all the issues I’ve had in the past. Was it my ex? Was it having my daughter? Past trauma of any kind? Am I just not being quiet enough before bed? I struggle to meditate, deep breathing hasn’t helped. Totally dark room, a nightlight. Nothing helps.

My dr said hypersomulance. Literally nightmare disorder. Maybe I should be tested for something more serious, like narcolepsy. I’ve read the symptoms. A lot fits. I’ve considered it for years.

I don’t see him again until October. I guess I should make another appointment. What do I even do to treat it. Can I even afford to be referred to all the drs I’ll need to see.

I just don’t know anymore and I’m scared I’ll be like this forever.

[banamine-bananime]

preface: i was writing a list of my headcanons for funsies and got completely derailed with angsty grimmons shit that needs to be scooped out of that post because it’s stupid long. so here

grif worked in honolulu a couple years after hs graduation until kai was old enough (17) he felt he could leave. did a year at university before realizing he’s smart enough to be admitted to cornell but not to get the scholarship he realistically needs to not be in crushing debt on graduation, and also there’s not nearly enough regimentation to college life to prevent him from rotting in bed paralyzed by “oh my god i don’t have Responsibilities That Need To Be Done Right Now for the first time in forever and idk what to do now” and executive dysfunction. went through basic and stationed on the doomed outpost. That Whole Thing (a polite way of saying “sneaking off for a nap on duty, sleeping through a massacre, and waking up to find literally everyone else dead”) was the nail in the coffin that pretty much shot his last shred of motivation and hope to shit, and based on his behaviour and psych eval afterwards (best summarized as “learned helplessness that everything is shit always and he’s useless and never gonna be able to help anyone so 👍 fuck everything fuck everyone just try to eke some hedonistic joy out of life before you die”) he was reassigned to the sim soldiers.

meanwhile simmons tried to do university several times and had to drop out for mental health reasons (a very polite way of putting “rapid spiral into absolute disaster every time”. it leaves room for giving him the benefit of the doubt that this was a proactive “ah i should take care of myself and this is not working for me :) #selfcare #therapy” decision. this is not benefit of the doubt that anyone who knows him would extend.).

I go back and forth on whether to roll with the “that one throwaway line with a suspiciously specific hypothetical of being in a unit that was stranded and had to eat their dog to survive” thing or just say he was assigned straight to sim troopers. on the one hand, i really love grif and simmons having a parallel immensely traumatic first assignment that made them both Worse in kinda similar kinda opposite ways in line with the ways they were each already fucked up

(grif “life is inherently a garbage fire. i am useless. all i can do is look out for myself and save my own hide by absolute never trusting any authority, refusing to get attached to the other fuckers around here (they’d hate me anyways so just let them hate me), and obsessively hoarding any access to food and shelter and comfort because Maslow said I can’t work on health or belonging or esteem until i do :/ yeah i know, sorry, i’ve got a doctor’s note from him right here.” vs simmons “my life is a garbage fire probably because everyone around me is an idiot fucking something up but also because i’m not trying hard enough. i’m sure if i keep Performing The Maladaptive Behaviours even harder they will work and i THEN will feel respected and powerful and loved. you see you just have to keep repressing every feeling so you can suck up to anyone you detect a whiff of Authority Figure on no matter how little you actually respect them, and follow EVERY RULE and work and work and work. and you had better abandon any compunctions about things like eating a dog you loved or backstabbing a friend for brownie points from the CO who hates him or Literally Murdering your CO for a promotion. and if you ever stop desperately trying, fighting dirty looking out just for yourself, and instead just sit still for a moment and enjoy sincere zero-ulterior-motives connections with people, you will probably definitely immediately die of starvation or exposure (it is a metaphor you see. of exposure to the elements while stranded without resources. for the agonizing exposure of allowing yourself to be known.)”)

on the other hand i’m like whoa now. this boy’s got enough problems we really don’t need to be giving him any more or we’re really never gonna pry him free of the woobiefication fics.

[rottedbrainz]

So I’ve been thinking about Tibbs and the aftermath of Rose passing, potentially have a drawing idea with Tibbs and Terri (I can’t remember which incorrect quotes post it was, think it was yours, but I love their TnT*tm* friendship) 

Idk if you plan to write a story about this so feel free to ignore this if you don’t wanna go too much into spoiler territory but what was life like for Tibbs and the kids following Rose’s passing??

I do plan on writing about it soon. I'll probably make the fic I wrote on ao3 a book that's solely Rose and Tibbs fan fiction. Plan on doing the same for Rand and Jamie's story too.

As a small side note though. I like to imagine an alternate universe where nothing bad happened to anyone and Rose got to hang out with Terri, Tina, and Lena.

But to highlight a few things. I call Lips "Buddy" since I write him before he did the whole thing with the trumpet and got the nickname Lips.

Now onto the stuff you asked about.

Everyone took it their own way.

It what finally tipped Janice and Jamie's relationship and Janice moved out.

Jamie stayed behind to help her dad and Lips. She was coping with it her own way as she tried to stay busy with work and college and driving Tibbs to places he needed to go.

To steal a little bit of Nora and Hannah's conflict, Lips was younge whenever Rose passed. He knew why his dad and sisters were sad, and at the time he was sad to. But as he got older some problems started to in sue as he didn't actually know how Rose died. Issues between him and Tibbs rise whenever he finds out though.

After the accident Tibbs refused to drive at all. He felt horrible about it and he wanted to cry about it every single day.(idk if you get what I'm implying. You can message me and i'll give you more details if you'd like.) If someone suggested he drive he would give them nasty looks with the most harsh and cold "No." If he found himself behind the wheel, he would start to hyperventilate and have panic attacks. He shoved his feelings on down and focused and taking care of Lips. He put on his happy smile like nothing ever happened. He keeps the crystal necklace he gave Rose around his neck at all times, even whenever he's sleeping. Every year on thier anniversary he tends to solely his Rose bush. Jamie eventually does put him in therapy, because man does he fucking need it. They all do.

I would like to think that in his silver fox years he would try to date again. It would be hard for him to, but I know he can do it!

[wordsandgears]

I need to scream into the void about symbolism, specifically about Lincoln cause I’m currently researching for a polywagon wedding portrait thing, and I’m going mad due to how good the symbolism is.

(As a preface I headcanon Lincoln to be Thai, Grant as Welsh (might be important, idk I’m writing this while I research and it’s like late), and Marco as Chinese (obviously))

Let’s start off with colors:

Colors: Lincoln li-Wilson like his father Grant is blue, while Marco is red.

In Thai culture there is a belief that whatever day you’re born on has a corresponding color (both lucky and unlucky; red and blue), celestial body (the Sun, and other planets) and a deity (Surya, the sun god)

If you need a comparison, I’ve seen it compared to astrology.

Which is why you might see stickers on cars that say “this car is red” while in reality it’s white, due to the fact that they’ve bought an unlucky color of car and can’t change it due to the inconvenience of doing, so people stick them on to boost their chance of being auspicious.

Now, where dose Lincoln’s birthday fit into this symbolism (3/3/1912 (which falls on a Sunday); could be a date picked by Marco and Grant due to the symbolism of the number 3 in Chinese culture, which I’ll get into in a bit.)

It leaves us with red as his lucky color, blue as his unlucky, and the sun and sun god as his celestial body and deity. (His birthday falls on a Sunday, hence the red and blue)

Red commonly associated with warmth and fire, while blue is associated with the cold and ice, or water as well in this case.

And as it’s common knowledge red is a color that brings in good luck in Chinese culture so I’m not going too into that, but a quite relavent and interesting thing is that blue symbolizes trust and healing.

It also symbolizes other things such as I believe opportunity and harmony, but the two I want to focus on are healing in trust.

Healing in the way that therapy exercises taken out of context and those premade string of words to resolve conflict and resolve the pain in your and those you love’s hearts are healing.

In the same way that trying to stop (and failing to stop) what was done unto you from befalling your loved ones is ultimately braking them even more so than you is healing.

In the same way that the burden of emotions not yours is healing, carrying on no matter the situation to adhere to their rules and beliefs,

Trust in the way of having omitted terrible things from your life to fuel a twisted form of protection even if it means becoming hypocritical, a sinful priest sermonizing about virtue to his trusting flock no matter how hard he tries to stop.

In the same way that trust is believing the outrageousness of the situation as normal, believing that your son and husband are just fine and aren’t missing for months on end, that trust is letting your son go hunt down the man who murder someone in cold blood in front of him, that trust is being fine not hearing anything from your husband and son for months knowing that they’ll talk when ready. Even if it’s killing you inside to wait.

Trust in the same way that you do as you’re told and never really question it, even if your heart is telling you something needs to change you don’t listen to it, even if you know it’s not healthy or good you keep ignoring it, brushing it off as simple coincidence. Even if in the long run you know it will brake you if you’re proven wrong.

Blue in the way of crashing waves and crushing icebergs and the cold embrace of the deep dark blue sea. Blue in the face as the cold winds whip and nip at your skin as you’re tossed around, as people scream, you scream unable to do anything to save yourself. Blue as the mark that’s stains your skin, saving you from whatever life was laid out for you. Blue as you are your father and your father is you. Blue as one half of the end of the world you’ve know and the world known at large.

Red as the blood that covers your body, that covers the souls of you and your father. Blood that will never wash off, blood that’ll seep into the cracks of your mind and forever change you once was. Mind numbing, just like your father.

Red as the flames of desolation, red as the screams of her children as they burn by your hands. Red as your own screams as you have to give in to do unspeakable things to simply survive

Red as the ones who you hold in such high regard, red as the one who born from the demon, red as just one half of her being that she hides devout, red as the one he tries to be ultimately failing.

Now numbers:

Numbers: 3 & 4

Both numbers in Chinese numerology bring both good and bad luck.

The number three sounds like the words “to live”/“life” and “to split”/“to part ways “ making it both a good and bad luck number.

The number four sounds like the words “death” and “fortune”. Making it very much the same.

Lincoln born on 3/3/1912 (the third day of the third month of the third leap year of the century, a Sunday) given new life in 4/14/1912 (the fourteenth day of the fourth month of the third leap year of the centur, a Sunday)

Life and death, things that have surrounded you since birth. Brought forth into the world screaming and crying being given life against your will, brought forth into the future as those around you scream and cry as their brought down under the deep dark sea forever entrapped by the great commune of death.

Death that has plagued your father and chips away at his soul, death the leaves scaring more deep than the deepest pit in hell, blood the flows from their face and flatters onto your shoes and soaking into your clothes. Death that follows you everywhere so much so that you’re beginning to think it’s your fault that people keep dying, no matter what you do they don’t seem to stop dropping like flies. Soon enough you become resined to your fate, a harbinger of death, pain, and destruction.

[angstyanemo]

“i would like to believe you”

A/n: yay so I’m finally posting my first Genshin fic. Uhhhh so here ya go. Idk what I’m doing so bare with my boomer-ness because I literally never post on any social media. And my procrastination since I told myself that I would try to post a fic every week this year. I’ve already made a concession to myself that I just have to work on a fic every week and have 52 full works in a masterlist. Tbf there’s stuff irl that’s really not helping but that’s just life.

Characters: Xiao and Kaeya

Tags: gender neutral reader, angst, and very tired boys who just need a hug and therapy

Xiao: 

Your eyes land on his crouched figure in the corner of your shared room. His polearm haphazardly leaned on the wall next to him. You could see the small trembles and unsteady puffs of breaths he was taking, his debt rattling him. 

You force yourself to walk over slowly, no matter how much you want to rush. When you get to him, you reach out to hold his hand and say, “You don’t have to go through this alone.” 

“I would like to believe you”, his glowing eyes meet yours “but everyone else I cared about proves otherwise.” He drops your hand like it burns him and he disappears with his signature black smoke. 

Kaeya:

You tried everything to distract yourself from Kaeya’s late arrival tonight. A short letter was delivered by a member of the Knights about a sudden change in plans. Kaeya had to go to the Winery as an intermediary for the Kights. No matter the reason, whenever he returns home, he has to deal with painful memories. 

Many might assume that the most painful part of going back home would be interacting with his brother. While it was a part of the problem, it was more difficult to be somewhere where you don’t belong and aren’t wanted. That was all Kaeya felt while he was there, even had nightmares about it before his adoptive father’s death.

You knew how hard it was for him no matter how short the short the visit. It was no surprise when he did show up, his posture was slumped instead of his usual confident stride. You already tried to make both the couch and the bed as comfy as possible so it was easier for the both of you. You simply followed him to whichever spot he wandered over to so you could comfort him.

All you could really do is take your place next to him and be there. He was never really up to talking when he got like this. So you focused on more physical things like warm blankets, rubbing his back, running you hands though his hair, ect. Eventually, you felt a need to brake the silence. “I know you’ve made progress with your brother and I know that they can keep improving. Things might never be the same and that’s okay. You’re both different then who were back then. Perhaps that’s the key to forming a new bond instead of chasing something lost to the past.”

He just sighed slightly against you neck while hugging you and said, “I would like to believe you but I just don’t know if I can keep trying anymore. If I even want to.”

[marleysfinest]

typing out a little mental health wordvom because sometimes when u don’t take ur tablets for 6 days u get a little ✨spicy✨ and feel compelled to rant so. here I am mentally unloading sorry in advance

being the idiot that I am and having this accidental week off has reminded me why it’s so important to pay attention in the first place. I ignored the state of my mental health for a long time and tried to navigate my chemical imbalance using mindfulness and materialistic self-care alone. needless to say it did not work. do not do this, especially when you know there’s a bigger problem. I was formally diagnosed with anxiety and depression just over a year after I gave birth but should’ve paid attention to it way before that. even then I didn’t start taking it seriously until january ‘23 after a pretty severe breakdown following months of inconsistent medication taking. one thing I started doing - besides being strict and regimented with making sure I take my tablets - was acknowledging my “problem”. realising this is the hand I’ve been dealt and running with it, and actually building life including it rather than building my life around it. I chose to stop letting myself get in my own way and indulged in what makes me genuinely happy. I no longer drink to get drunk (in fact, I hardly drink at all). I’m honest and speak my mind. in acknowledging the fact that I have this imbalance and stopping ignoring it I’ve actually flipped myself around completely.

something that I think separates how I feel about it from the norm is that I do let my anxiety and depression define me. I don’t let it overtake me, and it is not all that I am, but it is part of who I am. denying that and putting it on the back burner has only ever harmed me, and so yes, it defines who I am as a person. I can’t remove it, but I don’t let it win. I don’t know if it’s right, but it works.

the broad conversation surrounding mental health is, I think, changing for the better, but I think we as individuals are obliged to take ownership of this conversation a little more. yes, we can applaud the celebrity that discusses their depression in terms of voluntarily not working for a while and the TV personality that manages their anxiety by cleaning. these are their experiences and they are more than valid. what I think (and this is just my opinion) is that we need to get a little ugly with it. I survive because I take 50mg of sertraline every day. yeah, I get a lot of mental peace from vacuuming my house and practicing mindfulness brings me calm more often than not, but I need antidepressants to live. that’s the long and short of it. I want to see these conversations. I want to know that people rely on antidepressants/anti-anxiety medication to get through the day. I want to know that people go to therapy. I want to know that this isn’t a “problem” we need to be quiet about and chip away at in private.

idk I guess I’m just trying to say I want to have hard conversations about mental health because doing this, even just having those hard conversations with myself, has made me want to be a better person. they have made me a better person, and if this can help even one other person it’s worth it. I luv u take ur medication

[yourmoonmomma]

Hi!

I’ll definitely consider changing therapists! thank you for the suggestion. I’ll give it another session to see how I feel and then look elsewhere if needed.

Therapy is strange..Idk I’ve always been comfortable with my emotions (it took a lot of internal work during my younger years). But, when it comes to therapy, I struggle to get words out and I’m really panicky. I’m not sure if this is because every time I would show emotions with my ex he’d tell me I was living in my head or just bringing up the past? I cried so much during the relationship when he would get really distant, and I just remember him just watching me. No words, nothing. He would say it killed him inside but idk actions will always be more valuable than words.

Continuing on from that point. Lately I’ve been feeling like it was all my fault, that I was the one who treated him badly. Every time we’d argue it was always because I bought something up and we’d go in this cycle. But he was a good guy, kind, loyal, and I think he tried. This ofc, just makes me feel like trash because maybe I didn’t appreciate him? I see things on social media like “if your ex did any of these things you deserve better” and it’s stuff like cheating, following other girls on socials, name calling etc. He didn’t do those things, we struggled on the emotional side of things..Did I ruin something good? The guilt consumes me a lot. Even when it ended he told me I was asking for too much and his family was more important. I still don’t know what I asked for other than to have more than one date a month and consistent communication..

I keep asking everyone if it was my fault, truthfully I feel like I ruined it all. I replay the day before the breakup where I knew from his eyes that the love wasnt there but he still said he loved me. It really haunts me. I’ve been asking a mutual friend of ours to let him know that I want a final conversation where I can admit my faults and guilt. This friend said he won’t do that because I was treated badly, and i need to hold my self respect. Deep down I know I was horrible, no one seems to believe me.

Bleh sorry for the rambling, I should ask though, how have you been? I hope you’re taking care of yourself and staying hydrated! -🐼

Hi lovely!

I'm glad to hear you're open to doing that <33 I've seen probably close to 10 therapists in my life, and of those 10, only 2 (one of which is my current therapist) was the perfect match for what I needed. It can be discouraging sometimes, going through so many, but when you find the one that fits your needs, it's worth it!

Actions ARE more valuable than words, and I'm sorry he didn't respond better to your emotions :( You can always say that to a therapist though! Something like "sorry, I just need a few moments to gather my thoughts, I'm feeling something, but I'm scared of saying it/unsure of how to say it/can't name the feeling". You're allowed to sit there with your feelings until you can express them!

Just because someone tries doesn't mean they were right for you. They don't have to cheat to still not be the person you should be with. If it was good, it wouldn't have ended. I understand that guilt or fear or worry, but there will be a better person that comes along for you, I'm sure of it. You are NOT asking for too much by asking for more communication or more dates. You just need to find someone who also wants those things, or is willing to provide you with those things. That is not too much to ask, especially from the right person.

I don't believe you were horrible, but I am sorry you feel that way. If you were, it's important to know it takes two people to end a relationship, in most cases. It sounds like you were willing to work on things, if he was willing to work with you, and he wasn't. No matter who is "horrible" that's all it comes down to. Faults or not, a good thing or not, he wasn't willing to continue working on the relationship.

Don't be sorry for rambling, that's what I'm here for <333 I've been okay though! Jayson surprised me with a new phone after I smashed mine, so I'm very happy about that :3 Been eating way too much it feels like lately, especially for how broke we are lol, but it's been nice to cook & eat food. I hope, despite everything, you're taking care of yourself too <3