#if any of my followers are becoming seniors soon make sure you be like me and have like four fucking computer classes

[2bloved]

i think whoever decided itd be a great idea to let the underclassmen have all their finals before the seniors and push the seniors finals to NEXT WEEK (which, mind you, directly after that week, IS THE FINAL WEEK OF SCHOOL MEAING GRADUATION SHIT AND MIDDLE/ELEMENTARY SCHOOL WALKTHROUGHW AAUUAGFHDSFHDSFJND) and to make the seniors do jackshit all week this week by sitting in the gym should explode. what the fuck!

[libraford]

Idk maybe it's because I'm autistic and don't get how things are supposed to work (I also haven't been able to work for over a decade due to disability so take this all with a heap of salt) but it feels like she needs someone to blame for problems.

You said last year there were three leads but this year you're doing the work of three on your own. Did they quit or get fired? Maybe someone else was the assigned "problem child" last year? But the fact that you didn't get any useful feedback at the times problems supposedly happened and they continued using your work...it just reads like a power trip on her end tbh

One of them left to become a veterinarian and do photography on the side. The other one of them left because there was a pretty big death in the family and also oldest kid was going through his senior year. Both have said that they might come back, but so far neither of them have committed.

The two of them were nearly perfect leads. Like they did all the paperwork properly and had all the details right and they didn't rush and they rarely did anything wrong.

Except when they did. And since I learned from one of them, I learned on all of her mistakes.

So I've had to be retrained.

Again and again and again.

There would typically only be one lead per job, so its not like I'm doing the work of three people the way I was doing the work of like... 7 people at the flower shop. I am still doing the work of one person, but I am doing it every day instead of only two to three times a week.

So the mistakes I learned are more obvious now and I am put in positions where previously I was not, like having to call as soon as there's a problem- because previously I was not often having these problems. I get dinged for not following procedure for this.

She tried training me on groups last year, but every time there was a chance to learn on the job something interrupted it. The first time it was because the person we had doing individuals was going painfully slowly and she had me set up my unit to clear out the bottleneck. The second time it was because our individuals photographer went into labor.

So I've been trained wrong on a bunch of things and had to be retrained. Attempts to train me properly have been interrupted, but she thinks that I received proper training and that I should be good to go.

So I do it. And I do it wrong. Over and over again.

And then I get the critique and there is disagreement between my boss and her boss about how I'm supposed to have done it.

And then I try again. And there's disagreement between my boss and me about how I was supposed to do it.

So my spirit is fuckin' crushed lately and I just want to get to the end of the season but of course there's YET ANOTHER critique at the end of the year where she says I'm bad at receiving critique when I've had to be retrained several times in several different areas, and she claims that NOTHING HAS CHANGED FROM MY INITIAL TRAINING even though documentably it HAS, which makes me feel like a fucking crazy person for suggesting that its hard to keep up with the changes sometimes.

And she says she's tired of arguing with me about how things are supposed to be done when I'm supposed to KNOW how things are done by now because this is my THIRD year in the business and why am I so argumentative?

At the last groups job, I asked her to help be out a little bit and check my work to make sure I was doing it right. I wasn't even done with the first group and she jumps in and tells me my numbers are wrong, changes it all and that's how we found that the guides were different. But when I talk to her about what made me mad there, she has a different story- she says that I did 2 or 3 classes wrong before she jumped in. Which is not what happened to my recollection.

I've asked her to take a more passive role and she got mad at me because she swears that she did take a passive role and now I'm being inconsistent- because I asked her for help and now I'm asking her not to get her hands in it. So now I'm confused again because I remember that day completely differently, and when I asked the rest of the crew they said that she was being pushy. Once she left and I was on my own, I did fine- but being unable to even get through a whole class without her jumping in to save the day kind of crushed me.

So I think she's misremembering a LOT. And making it my problem for bringing up inconsistencies, confusions, and changes. Either that or I have worse memory problems than I thought I did.

And now I'm being told that I go too fast. Because there were days last season where we were done an entire hour earlier than we were supposed to be. And I asked her- did people complain? Were my photos bad because I was fast?

No, no one complained. We had less retakes this year than we did any year.

If no one complained, then the problem is that I'm not taking time with the students to get the perfect photo. The problem is that you don't think I could possibly be that good and that fast at the same time. But if a kid only needs thirty seconds to get the pose, why should I take more time than is needed?

My photos have improved significantly from my first year. Oh my god, they've improved so much. But I'm struggling to learn a new, complicated thing for which I've gotten mixed messages and not gotten a lot of consistent guidance on.

And because I get confused when something is different from what was described, I am told that I can't take criticism.

Well yeah, no- if that's the criticism you've got for me, no I can't take criticism.

[autisticlancemcclain]

prev chapter

-- -- --

There is, honest to God, a coathanger butler and a duster French maid.

“Well, that confirms it,” Lance says, clapping his hands together. “I fell off my horse on the way here and I’ve gone insane.”

“I think you’re just smart, kiddo,” Shiro says, amused. “Perceptive.” He has yet to stop his tour, hopping along rather quickly as Lance follows. 

Lance opens his mouth to deny that particular claim – Lance is many things and smart is sure as shit not one of them – but there’s a bellowing shout that interrupts him before he can. 

“Ta-kashi!”

Shiro-the-candelabra startles, then goes pale, which is a hilarious thing to witness in a face of wax. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” he curses. He makes an effort to hop behind a random sidetable placed against one of the farther walls of the massive corridor, but he’s not nearly fast enough. Rapid, angry clanking sounds precede the appearance of an ornately carved grandfather clock, the face – literally and figuratively, man this castle is fucking weird – twisted in a heavy scowl. 

“Takashi,” the clock hisses again. “What part of ‘united front' is hard for you to understand?”

Caught completely red-handed, Shiro straightens himself up and attempts to look dignified. “You were busy with Keith! What was I supposed to do, let this one wander around? I was –”

“You were supposed to wait for me, Takashi! Last time –”

It would probably be prudent for Lance to continue listening, as any information he learns is for the better. But as soon as Shiro says Keith’s name, Lance’s ears check out, the world in front of him goes blurry, and he starts to feel like he’s deep underwater. 

It hits him, all at once and intensely, that this is really happening. He is, sometime in the frighteningly near future, going to meet his future husband. His future husband who is known across the country to be one of the most vile men in temper ever to exist, who is impossible to love. His future husband who has money, money that Lance can send back to his family that can never manage to get food on the table for every mouth on every day of the week. The future husband who Lance cannot leave, unlike the people before him, because if he does then the family farm will sell and everyone will be homeless and it will lie on his shoulders. 

If he fails, his family will never look at him again, the shame will be so strong. The kids – they’ll be uprooted if they have to sell the farm and move away. He can’t do that to them. And yes, his family’s betrayal still aches like a gaping wound in his chest (they didn’t want to keep him Mamà didn’t want to keep him only three wanted to keep him and he doesn’t know who they sent him away the town sent him away his family sent him away everyone he’s ever known decided they were better off without him), but he doesn’t – he can’t let their saving grace slip between his fingers. If he fails then his greatest fears are confirmed – he is the failure that he’s always known he is.

But If he succeeds, he will be locked for life in an enchanted castle that feels as if it doubles as a tomb. 

Suddenly Lance is sick to his stomach. 

“–ance? Lance? You okay, kiddo?”

Lance shakes himself from his thoughts, eyes focusing on the concerned faces in front of him. He clears his throat, straightening his shoulders and plastering a smile on his face. 

He will not fail. He will not. It is the lesser of two evils, to succeed, so he must. 

“Yeah, sorry. Just remembered something, is all. I meant to look for something to feed my horse when I came in here, there’s no hay in the stable, but I forgot with all the –” he glances at the clock and candelabra, wondering how to phrase the clusterfuck that is now my life tripped me up, my bad delicately – “the… hubbub.”

Hubbub. 

Alrighty. That’s the word he’s going with. That’s fine. He’s totally cool with suddenly becoming a bitter senior citizen loudly complaining about the youths. All is well.

Despite his strangeness, the two people (??) in front of him visibly soften. 

“Sorry, dear,” the clock says. He clanks forward and extends one of his arms – shiny, carved gold decals of the sides of a grandfather clock – to shake. Lance does. “My name is Adam. I imagine you must be exhausted. Would you like to see your room?

That sounds excellent. Lance sags at the suggestion, shoulders slumping forward and sigh escaping his lungs without his position. His own room in the castle…what will that look like? He’s always shared a bed with someone, back home. And sometimes he is kicked and sometimes people snore and sometimes people squiggle around and hog blankets and talk in their sleep. Sometimes people even pick their toes, completely unconscious, and refuse to believe him when he complains about it in the morning. Such is the life of a large family in a small house. 

Lance will have a bed to his own, now. A room, even! It’s almost unfeasible. He’s expecting something huge; giant windows making up a whole wall at least to let the sun it, impossibly high ceilings, a bed as big as his house once was, with a canopy over the sides of it. As plush as goose down and soft as Kaltenecker’s – his favourite of their family’s cows – fur. Cream walls, maybe, prime for him to paint. 

Paint! He’s sure he’ll have paint here. The richest of colours, even, and paintbrushes he doesn’t have to make from kinky horse hair. And he’s sure he’ll have time, here, outside of whatever chores he’s expected to do, to ride Blue around the grounds. Maybe, for once in his life, he can enjoy his day outside of fleeting moments with the animals, or Veronica, or the twins. Maybe there will be more time outside of fleeting minutes when he watches the sun rise. Maybe he will have freedom here, to explore what he likes, and in luxury, no less. 

Wait. 

His brow furrows. Freedom…he won’t be free. He may be surrounded by more opulence than he ever expected to see in three lifetimes, but freedom is still a luxury he can’t afford.

“What about Ke –” he stumbles over the name – “the Prince?”

Shiro and Adam exchange the least subtle look Lance has ever seen on a human, let alone a grandfather clock and a candelabra. It would be funny if it weren’t so troubling. 

“What about him?” Shiro says carefully. 

Lance blinks at him. “Is his royal highness too busy to meet the guy he’s literally about to marry, or…?”

“We just figured you would prefer to settle yourself, first.” Adam says it quickly, practiced, obvious; confirming Lance’s suspicions. 

There is something afoot. 

“I’m pretty settled, actually. All good in the hood. Checked off most of the list, tick tick tick. I just need to meet Prince Temper-tantrum.”

Both royal attendants laugh nervously. 

“Ah, we’ll get there,” Shiro assures. He hops forward, pointing his candle to the hallway, indicating that Lance should follow him. “We have time, no? It’s late. Dinner will be ready soon. No need.”

He and Adam are very persistent, all but shoving Lance out of the front entrance and to a massive staircase. One of them must have sent the word of Lance’s arrival, because one of the branched-off hallways of the staircase – a wing? Is that what it’s called? Why must rich people label stupid things – is illuminated, clearing the path Lance is meant to take to his new room. The other is as dark as the rest of the castle, cold and isolating, reeking of angst and cowardice and a smidge of superiority, too, because reputation or not, what kind of jackass doesn’t at least introduce themselves to their future husband?

Suddenly, it all kind of boils over. Lance roots himself in the middle of some grand marble hallway and, ignoring Shiro and Adam’s frantic pleading, cups his hands around his mouth and shouts: “Hey, Prince of Darkness! Is it too beneath you to say hello to your future husband, you beastly man?”

His voice echoes throughout the castle, shout bouncing off the carved stone walls and getting louder, somehow. Lance stands, glaring at the dark hallway, fists clenched at his sides, fury still lighting up his veins. But then a minute passes, and another, without so much as a peep of movement, and rage starts to trickle out of his body in favour of something like regret. 

He has one job, here. He is to make nice and play the silent husband so he can get funds back to his family, and no one goes hungry. He is supposed to avoid Prince Keith at any and all possible moments, keeping his head down and living his life as separately and as well as he can given the circumstances. And Adam and Shiro were perfectly happy to let him do so, too, guiding him to his room before he even had to breathe in Prince Keith’s direction. 

Him and his big fucking mouth. Clearly, there is more than one person in this castle with a temper. 

He turns to the candle and the clock. “Sorry,” he mutters, averting his eyes. Hopefully they don’t call this whole thing off. He doesn’t think they will – from what Shiro implied, they seem kind of desperate – but still. He shouldn’t push his luck. 

When Shiro and Adam don’t respond, he looks up, expecting to find them disappointed, but instead finding them not looking at him at all. He frowns, taking in the way their faces have dropped, the way they’ve both gone pale. As pale as bloodless things can be, anyway. He follows their line of sight, shifting his body to face the farthest end of the dark corridor, and squints, trying to make out what they’re so white about. It takes him a moment to pick it out, but eventually he sees it, almost glowing in the darkness – a pair of large, yellow eyes. And…

Teeth?

Lance blinks. He rubs his eyes. He looks again. 

Where the mouth would be, under the eyes, are massive, fang-like teeth, glowing white in the dark shadows. They are not human. They are not even animal. Lance is not sure what they resemble, aside from monstrous. A chill runs down his spine. 

Slowly, silently, the way a wolf might stalk towards prey it knows it has trapped, the shrouded face comes closer, slinking in the shadows. Lance follows it, head tilting higher and higher as he begins to realise how tall this face sits on a still-invisible body; how large this…thing, animal or man, truly is. Closer and closer it steps, until Lance can hear its breaths, until Lance can feel the heat from its body from where it stands, in the last stretch of the shadows. 

Lance swallows. 

“Who are you?” he asks. His voice is surprisingly steady, although his hands tremble. 

Finally, the figure steps out into the light. Dark purple fur is all Lance can see; covering the figure in thick, uneven swaths; large brow drawn tight over his slitted yellow eyes, mouth twisted in a snarl, fangs pushing out from his lips, clawed hands clenched in fists, talons clinking on the floor as he steps closer. Ornate clothing covers his body, heavy red cloak draped over his shoulders, materials Lance can recognise as sturdy and well-dyed and rich. 

The figure bends low, close to Lance’s face. “I am as you say, dear future husband.”

“You’re a – an actual –” Lance stammers.

Prince Keith growls, low in his throat. 

“A beast.”

———

next chapter

[mirai-e-jump]

Hero Vision Vol.14 (2004/Spring) ft. Kamen Rider Blade Cast Interviews Takayuki Tsubaki & Hironari Amano Segment (translation below)

Publication: May 20, 2004 (between episodes 17-18) Takayuki Tsubaki (Kazuma Kenzaki) & Hironari Amano (Sakuya Tachibana)

"In the show, you play the roles of senior and junior, but in real life, from Tsubaki-kun's point of view, Amano-san is his senior when it comes to the entertainment industry. Do you ever confide your problems in him?"

Tsubaki: Yes, I do.

Amano: (suppressing his laughter) That's a liiie~.

Tsubaki: Ah! But, what about the time we went out to dinner together, or……ah, actually, I can't remember (said lacking confidence).

"When on set, who's the one that's most supportive and follows up with others?"

Amano: No matter who it is, if someone was yelled at or feeling discouraged, everyone follows up with them by saying, "Don't worry about it!" Everyone's so upbeat, and we're always laughing on set.

"When it comes to acting, do you ever talk about things like, "Going forward, let's do this"?"

Amano: Hmmm……For me, I'm not sure where my role is heading. I try not to establish the role from the beginning, but rather, add new elements as the opportunities arise. At first, I thought Tachibana was a calm, cool person who didn't show any emotions, but to my surprise, there are scenes of him losing his temper and yelling early on in the show.

"Do you and Tachibana have anything in common?"

Amano:……The tendency to worry. But, even though in the past I wouldn't tell people about my worries, recently, I've started to actually do so. I've come to realize just how easy it is.

"Tachibana also has a soft side for Sayoko."

Amano: I want to make Tachibana look more human. It's normal for a human to have many sides. There's the face you have during work, and the face you have in your private life. Now, Tachibana is trying to be strong by not relying on others, and it makes me think, "This isn't how a Rider's supposed to be!" (laughs). It may not be the usual justice of the past, but I think it would be great if Tachibana could overcome his obstacles and gain some confidence.

"Tsubaki-kun, do you think there are any similarities between yourself and Kenzaki?"

Tsubaki:……(vaguely) The stupid part of him? (laughs).

"Is it true that you became an actor because you wanted to learn how to express your feelings due to not having any?"

Tsubaki: I don't have any emotions at all, it's like I'm not a normal human, so it's really fun to "become" a human being when I get into the role. When I was younger, I was so loud, that people would often tell me, "You're noisy!"……Various things have happened since then, and I think I've calmed down abit. I also thought that while I'm a Rider, it would be easier for me to be Kenzaki if I didn't have "myself" in mind, so I've decided to think only about Kenzaki for the rest of the year. That's also why when I'm on set and Morimoto-kun is standing right next to me, my blood starts to rush. I think, "Why can't we fight even though I'm here?!"

Amano: Before we start filming, I try to reduce any tension (in order to become Tachibana), but this guy, he does the role the entire time. That's why he speaks in such a weird way. Even when we all eat together, he'll suddenly say, "You Bastard!," and "Get lost!" He would then start beating on Morimoto-kun, whose face looked as though it were saying, "Ehhhh~?!" (laughs). Morimoto-kun would then also act back.

Tsubaki: Morimoto-kun and I have to fight everyday anyway…..

"You'll soon start filming for the movie, where you'll have to think even more about Riders.

Tsubaki:……I don't know what will happen to me if Tachibana-san betrays me any further (said seriously).

Amano: I like how over such trivial things, you'll suddenly start speaking normally! When he talks to me over the phone, he's like, "Tachibana-san! it's Kenzaki! Where are you right now? Please call me back!" It's like he's prank calling me (laughs).

Tsubaki: For Morimoto-kun, "Hajime?!," is what I'll say when I call him. "I'll kill you," is what he'll say in response……

Amano: Ah, but when you talk to me and Morimoto-kun, you do talk normally.

"Morimoto-kun seems like he's trying to match Tsubaki-kun's pace (laughs). Maybe Tsubaki-kun is the type of person who needs to be taken care of by everyone?"

Tsubaki: That's right. But, it can't be helped, since Tachibana-san is currently acting so violent.

Amano: You're talking about in the show, right?

Tsubaki: Ah, right.

"Do you have a favorite line from the show?"

Amano: For me it's, "My body is falling apart!" People will constantly say it as a joke when on set. Hearing it actually makes me very happy.

"It's known that Tsubaki-kun's lines and way of speaking have become a popular topic of conversation among the fans (laughs). I think it's because they love the ridiculous feel of it."

Tsubaki:……I have mixed feelings about it. I'm glad it's being talked about, but still……(saddened).

Amano: During the dubbing process, the tension is so high, that it gives me alot of energy. In the recording room, everyone goes, "Hah! Hah!" (panting) for even the smallest action scenes. Recently, Tachibana's body has been falling apart to the point of hyperventilating due to the excessive panting (laughs).

"Have there ever been times during filming where you thought, "I really messed up big time!"?"

Amano & Tsubaki (at the same time): The snowy mountain scene in episode 3!

Amano: It was so cold that I couldn't move my mouth.

Tsubaki: My face was frozen. But, you can't tell just how hot or cold it is on when watching on the screen, so either way it's still bad.

"We'd like to thank you for all the hard work you go through when filming everyday."

Amano: Before that, I fell asleep for the first time on the Yamanote Line and circled it completely. I got on the train at Ikebukuro, then suddenly realized, I was back in Ikebukuro again. I looked at my watch and said, "Huh, I'm still here, so why is it so late?! Shit! I circled the line!" (laughs).

Tsubaki: I'd be totally fine with it if that happened to me.

"Would you consider yourself athletic and physically fit?"

Tsubaki: No, I'm just young.

Amano:……Would it be alright if I got upset? (laughs). He's not athletic at all! When we were at the snowy mountains, we all snowboarded together, but after like 2 or 3 times, he said, "I'm leaving. I'm tired. I'm sleepy." I was like, "Hey, hey, hold on, Blade!" (laughs).

"You really go at your own pace, don't you? Since you were young, have you always thought you were alittle different from other people?"

Tsubaki: By the time I realized it, people were already calling me weird. But, since we all start out by crawling, in a way, aren't we all weird?

Amano: Oh, that's pretty deep.

"Amano-san, what was your childhood like?"

Amano: I wanted to become independent as soon as possible, so I started looking for part time work by the time I was in my fourth and fifth year of elementary school. One of my friend's mother recommended becoming a child model as a way to earn money with ease, so I ended up joining an agency on my own. I've been in the entertainment world ever since then.

Tsubaki: I become easily emotional when I watch dramas, so….

"So you also wanted to inspire people?"

Tsubaki: (firmly) No, I just wanted to do it myself.

"How honest of you (laughs). Do you feel you're more likely to grow when receiving praise?" Tsubaki: I want to be criticized for my performance. I'm obviously still not good at it, so I need to be told these things in order to become better.

Amano: Well said, I can see just how serious you are (is impressed). I tend to get carried away when I receive praise. But, I also become discouraged when I'm criticized. It's like my weakness…..

"Finally, would you please give a message to the fans?"

Amano: Eh? Ah…(timid) please pay attention to how I grow in the future……

Tsubaki: Tachibana-san! You're the senior here!

Amano: Ah, you're right. We're all working very hard on this, so please continue to watch us!

Tsubaki: Please watch usss!!

[honeyjars-sims]

2.9 Itinerary

[Cece and Ben are cuddled up on the couch]

Cece: I really need to study, but I’m so comfy right now.

Ben: Yeah, me, too. It’s hard enough getting up the motivation to do anything for school as it is, much less when it means I have to stop snuggling with you.

Cece: Wait, do you have senioritis already? The semester just started!

Ben: I don’t think it’s that. All my classes are so boring. I really thought I wanted to work on the technical side of the music industry, but lately all that’s been on my mind is being onstage.

Cece: This is a hell of a time to come to that realization! I know what you mean, though. I’m glad I’ve gotten to work on my songwriting skills, but now that I’ve been performing more that’s all I want to do. What do you think you’ll do after graduation?

Ben: Well, there’s what I think I’ll do and what I want to do, and those are two different things.

Cece: Now I’m curious.

Ben: What I think I’ll do is stay in Del Sol Valley, try to get in with one of the record companies to do some sound engineering, and do that 5 days a week for the rest of my life. What I want to do is travel the world, perform in different cities, and snuggle with my girl on the tour bus every night.

Cece: Hmm, you’ve been bringing that up a lot.

Ben: A guy can dream, can’t he?

Cece: Well, since you’re soooo sure we’re going to have this fantastic life together, there’s something I should probably tell you.

Ben: Uh oh. Nothing good has ever followed those words.

Cece: It’s not that bad. I think. It’s just…I’m on the asexuality spectrum. And while I do find you attractive, I’m not sure that our sex life is going to be as active as you might expect.

Ben: [laughing] Are you for real?

Cece: Yeah, I am. You don’t have to laugh about it. If you’re not interested in me anymore, just say so–

Ben: No! Cecelia, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t laughing at you, I’m laughing because I’m greysexual and I’ve been too scared to tell you. An active sex life is pretty low on my list of priorities.

Cece: Wow. I feel like I shouldn’t be this happy to hear that the guy I like doesn’t want to have sex with me! How do you feel about kids?

Ben: Oh, now you’re all about the future talk. If I’m being honest, parenthood isn’t really my gig. I’m more of the uncle type.

Cece: Yeah, I don’t want kids, either. The thought of having a baby doesn’t appeal to me at all.

Johnny: What are you two talking about? Nobody in here better be having any babies any time soon.

Cece: Uh, definitely not. Ben and I were just talking about how we don’t want to have kids.

Lexie: Wow, you’re having those kinds of discussions already? 

Ben: See, Lexie, when you have such a strong and undeniable connection like Cecelia and I do, your future becomes clear as day. Yes, I can see it now…Cecelia is about to give me an exasperated look and swat me on the arm–Ow!

Cece: I barely touched you! Anyway, we’re just making sure our expectations match up. Don’t you and Johnny talk about stuff like this?

Lexie: We haven’t, no. I’m just saying, there’s no point in rushing things.

Cece: Nobody’s rushing anything, not even this doofus. There’s no harm in making sure you’re on the same page about the big stuff before you get too invested. What if Johnny really wants kids and you don’t? Wouldn’t you rather know that now instead of later?

Lexie: I don’t know, I just turned 19. I don’t even know if I want kids or marriage yet. I just want to pass my test on Thursday and plan something fun for Spring Break.

Johnny: Yeah, I’m not trying to think about any of that stuff yet, either.

Ben: Lexie’s right, the only thing we should be thinking about right now is Spring Break. I have the itch to travel. How does everyone feel about taking a few days to unwind in Granite Falls?

Cece: I’ve always wanted to go! And since we have a few weeks, that gives me plenty of time to plan. I can get started on an itinerary so we can make sure we don’t miss out on anything.

Lexie: I’ve been there a few times with my family. I can help you out with planning! There are some really great hiking trails we should check out, and you just have to see the falls. This is going to be a blast.

Johnny: I’m totally down to get away, but I’m telling you right now, I’m not following any damn itinerary. You said "unwind" and that's what I'm gonna do.

Ben: Awesome! I'm glad everyone's on board. Cecelia and I can bring our guitars and serenade each other by the campfire.

Johnny: On second thought, maybe I'll just stay home.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[kkbardd]

hello! i haven’t sent an ask in a while because schoolwork has been piling up infinitely :[ , but your recent posts have been really interesting to me! i really liked the room sketch one, I can’t exactly explain why but there’s something so indescribably human about it. i love spaces that looked lived in, that have personality, and I think that your room (current one? made up? old one?) has done a great job of showing that. and I’m not very good at giving advice— I can hardly follow it myself, but if you don’t know something, don’t know what you want to do, try things. it’s okay if you don’t like them. i recently found out I’m more competent in languages than I thought! i can already read and understand simple sentences in german.

there’s always more to yourself than you’ll know, I think, but the world is kinder than people think. If anything, everyone is still very new at this. we’ve never lived before. do the things you like, branch out, don’t become less of yourself for other people. everything has a place, and my best advice is to treat life as you would a vacation. do all the things you can while you’re here. build a life that makes it worth it. (sorry for the long ask and my rambling, or if this is overstepping in any way. i just read what you wrote and kind of related to it in a way. thank you for continuing to create art, it brings me a lot of joy! :] )

hey isopod!!! thanks for the ask & I wish u good luck with ur school work!

Thank u so much for the compliments, im really glad the vibe of my room was conveyed in those doodles. i absolutely looove drawing my room! It’s extremely small (a renovated utility closet) and just barely fits a bed + my desk but its packed full of the things i love. It’s very lived in and I feel like it reflects my character well.

when i drew that page I was in my senior year of high school and pressures to decide my future were overwhelming. I never thought much about it until then and I didn’t have any idea of what I was going to do. The only thing I felt I had going for me was art but I didn’t want to turn my only hobby into a job I hated. I remember going through a master list of majors on random college websites and one-by-one asking myself if I’d be okay doing it. In the end I had nothing. I was really crushed about it and felt stuck. This was right after the covid quarantine too so focusing in school was difficult & I couldn’t bring myself to apply for scholarships. I started skipping classes, smoking weed, and pushing off my assignments. All of this only made me feel more miserable, of course, so everything seemed pretty bleak at the time.

But luckily I had the support of my family and especially my mother. She would always remind me that “we have option”, “we always have options”. Because I did! This was a fresh start to try my hand at a totally different experience than what I’ve done so far. I ended up choosing my major on a complete whim after hearing my aunt had a job in an adjacent field. I was pretty sure I’d drop out after a semester, yet here I am about to graduate soon & I’m having a ton of fun!! (Hell, I’m 10 hours out in the middle of nowhere right now for my Field Methods class!) It’s not that I had a knack for Geology that I just never tapped into, or that i secretly had a passion for rocks this entire time; I just found something that seemed like an okay fit and grew interest from there. I think that a small level of commitment like that is more than enough to get you going. I had a ton of ideas in my head about how I needed to have a perfect fit major that would connect every dot I’ve laid out in my life thus far, but that’s not true at all. Life is much more messy and unpredictable than that.

But enough of my rambling!! That time of my life may have been stressful but I’m very grateful that I went through it! It changed how I viewed problems and it taught me to always look for other options when everything seems helpless.

Thank u so much for ur encouragement, I really appreciate it <33 I completely agree with everything u said!! Life is an ever changing experience & often leads u in unpredictable directions!

[lummyzzz]

I had been studying for the past week, so here's a dumb 15 minute drabble about our favorite couple.

Leona Kingsholar x Ace Trappola (DTW)

Desperate.

.

.

.

.

.

Ace thinks he might have overestimated himself this time, perhaps even more than he had before, to even dare think that he could hold Leona's attenttion for long.

The little Halloween fiasco had spark a chance, sure, merely a few hours of wandering aimlessly in an unknown realm had provided Ace with the center of his attention for a short while. Perhaps Ace had manage to extend it far longer than it should, popping up cheeky here and there everytime Leona round a corner or with his nearing obsessed clinging days after just to hope that the senior would spare him another glance.

It got him a little pat on the head, nothing much, but maybe Ace had been smiling to himself more frequently every time he recall the shadows of it.

Yuu was right, Ace is desperate at this point.

But hey, it's not easy crushing hard for a prince, and neither was it everyday you get his attention for it.

Not that Ace could keep it for too long, not with this school constantly being the center of trouble and dragging them all into it. Halloween had soon become forgetful enough that no one talks about it anymore, not with the Masquerade shenanigans shinning in the spotlight of the huge rumor circle and its peculiar power pairings that had unexpectedly but cleverly solve the possible world's crisis.

A pair of senior and junior who got a bit along was nothing too remarkable anymore.

And that's the hard thing about NRC, if there are rumours and whispers circling about how much two people got along, then they would have a reason to get along. Approaching each others during meals for activities recanting random details about what they had done previously until the farce is strong enough that the circle regard them as such, then they could do that any other day.

Sometimes the freshmen wouldn't exactly follow this rule, switching between club activities or dorm outings, but Ace had never seen any other upperclassmen gets too chummy if no one had been talking about them.

So you see, Ace was nowhere close to even solidifying that rumour about him and Leona yet. Not when the senior's constant absence from lunch and his little fanclub of Savanaclaw students makes approaching him like hell on earth. Stumbling onto the greenhouse mid-day wouldn't work either, not when Ace values his life and reputation a bit too much to recklessly intrude on Leona's den then proceed to get fanboy plastered on his face.

So, like every other time Ace is met with a blockage in his road, he slumps. Face first on the lunch table with his friends glancing worriedly amongst themselves and seniors decking for another table at the earliest troublesome signs.

Real good friends, all of them.

"What happened?" Someone asks, settling themselves on his empty right side nearly touching his shoulder, a bit too close for personal spaces.

Ace assume it's Floyd in a rare good mood, the senior never had any respect for it.

"Life problems." Ace spits out, can't even be bothered enough to raise his head.

"More like love problems," Yuu muses to his left, "He has been tormenting us all like this for a week."

"Shaddup, I'm not doing it on purpose."

"The point still stands," His supposed best friend argues, tone unchanging even though he knows Ace's calling him all sort of names in his head. "Take him away and saves us all now, would you?"

"Yuu," Ace groans, turning his head to the left so he can actually scowl at the traitor. "You can't just sell me to Floyd-senpai because you hate feelings."

"Never said Floyd was buying." Yuu says instead, eating another spoonful of curry before he points it behind him. "You might wanna turn around."

Ace doesn't particularly want to see Floyd and his moody grin at the moment, but he turns anyway. Snapping his head back under the table and do a 180.

"You can't even recognize my voice?" Leona scoffs, still holding his chin in his hand as he cuts Ace a glare. "Some admiration you got, spikey."

What.the.fuck

Ace straightens himself immediately, part in shock and another in awe. Pulling his body from the table with a little jolt as his face flushs a crimson red.

Holy sevens, Leona came to the cafeteria during lunch, and sat next to him and even bothered participating in a bullshit conversation about buying Ace as a whole.

"What are you doing here?!" Ace asks in shock, volume hanging a bit high as he finally realizes just how much attention they were getting just from Leona settling there.

"You hadn't been sneaking around anymore," Leona answers, amusement in his tone. "Thought I might check if my biggest admirer broke his leg or some sort while I'm here." He stops, then a grin. "But go figured, you were encountering some different problems instead."

"Yeah, a big one." Yuu adds, playfully supporting this whole charade even though he could have just informed Ace of Leona's presence when he first came in. The fucking traitor.

"Shaddup!" Ace turns with a glare, it's not too intimidating to be honest, but it's the best he got when Leona's staring in his face. "You are officially the worst best friend ever." He glares at the rest of them, the traitors holding their head sideways to avoid his glare. "Worst.friends.ever."

"Fine by me," Yuu shrugs, not even minding Ace a tiny bit. "You heard him, he doesn't want us anymore."

Leona laughs, standing on his feet momentarily as he holds onto Ace's arm and starts dragging him up. "I'll take the brat then, could use a body pillow since I missed so much of my nap."

"Wait, what?!" Ace splutters, not exactly processing anything now that Leona's basically manhandling him out of his seat.

"You wanted a reason, right?" Leona offers, letting go once they were out of the seats before picking Ace up by his legs, the freshman slugs over his shoulder with an oof. "Let's make one."

"W-wait just a damn minute!" Ace yelps, elbows poking on Leona's neck as his hands tries for a proper grip on the gold uniform, struggling in the lion's hold without much progress. "You can't jus-- Leona-senpai! Leonaaaa!!"

Leona didn't mind the failing, not when he walks steadily out of the cafeteria with a screaming Ace on his shoulder as they onlookers crane their neck to follow. Some even poking their heads out of the door to stare as the third-year makes his way down the hallway, mumbling and whispering the newest rumour in circles.

Yuu and the rest continues on with their meals, the first-year looking a bit guilty as they cast some glances towards the laughing seniors and between themselves. But Yuu stays unaffected, chewing on another piece of curry even as Floyd slings an arm around him cackling nonstop and Riddle throwing a furious glare from his spot.

Ace came back to them before curfew, looking a bit worse to wear with a few bites on his nape and a swelling, cherry lip.

[loonamblr]

Sunsets and secrets

LOONA Kim Lip x reader

One girl, one secret, one phrase

author’s note: I would like to thank all of my followers and the blogs who liked my previous stories. also, credits to my friend who helped me in some parts and pushed me to write this story. I TRIED to shorten this but still ended up having 6k words...i’m sorry

Part Two here

warnings: angst??? mention of anxiety

A new academic year has begun means your school will select in senior-level to participate in an exchange program in Korea for 3 months. They held this event every year, and this time they picked you.

Sincerely, it doesn't surprise you that they choose you. You are the best student at your level and also a citizen of Korea. However, it was your first trip to Korea that wasn’t for vacation. You look forward to returning to that country to visit your relatives who live there and to experience studying there. Your mother frequently provided suggestions and lists of things she hoped you would do while you were there.

This certain school is somehow you know. It is your parent's and your other relatives' alma mater

You anticipated that it would be difficult for you to make friends, yet it appears that everyone is more kind than you expected.

Sooyoung, mostly known as Yves, was the first one you met on this campus. She was the one who was tasked with keeping you company during your first week of classes. Because of her aura, you initially assumed she had an attitude and was mean, but it turns out that she is really silly, compassionate, and one of the group's mood setters.

It was lunchtime when the two of you met in the teacher's room. She thought that it was a good time for you to meet her circle of friends. You also got to know Haseul, Vivi, Jungeun, and her girlfriend Jiwoo there. They gave you a very warm welcome that you weren't expecting when you joined their group.

You discovered at that time that you are all classmates. Every time you have a vacant, they always end up showing you about the campus; if not, you all gather in the garden where they sit and they enlighten you with stories, typically about other students and teachers. Being around them is a lot of fun and entertaining.

After a month and a half of your stay in Korea, your teacher announced the upcoming midterms which will happen exactly 2 weeks from now. The six of you decided to hang out in your apartment before everyone went busy.

Have I told you that, Haseul and Vivi are the leading students in your batch, thus they're also part of the student government council? They always study and prepare earlier for any exams influencing the other three.

You are in your kitchen preparing some kimchi fried rice when you felt someone approaching you.

You didn't have to turn your head to know who is it. By the smell of her perfume, it is for sure her.

"It's almost finished, Kim," you said to her.

"Well, I was about to ask.." her tone was surprised. She placed her right elbow on your left shoulder and slightly leaned on it.

Not expecting to become this close with her, to be completely honest. She seemed all snobby when you first met her, but she soon developed a talkative side that you weren't expecting. Additionally, since the other two pairs were couples, You two eventually ended up together.

You and Jungeun get along despite having different personal preferences for various aspects. When the two of you had to decide on particular issues, she decides the majority of the time. You weren't sure why you so carelessly let her make those choices. Maybe it's because you like watching her smile when she won arguments between the two of you. Or perhaps you're starting to like her and only thinking about making her happy.

It was not hard for you to confirm that you are slowly falling for her. You have been honest and patient with yourself in your entire life. You experience both enthusiasm and comfort at the same moment as you acknowledge your feelings for her. Still, many things remain to be discovered. So, you should take your time to completely learn and discover the unique pieces that build her up as a whole.

Jungeun hears you mumble, "Say ahh," as you place the spoon with the right portion of the fried rice in front of her mouth after gently blowing it.

She took a bite of the dish and nodded, "Delicious. I should let the others know so we can have the table cleared." You agreed to her and turned off the stove.

To Jungeun, these humble acts of kindness matter a lot. Since you two became friends, you have been taking care of her, which she cherishes. Her heart is so filled with gratefulness.

You take enough bowls and plates for everyone from the cabinet while you wait for assistance, then you place them on the kitchen counter.

While Jungeun was in the kitchen, someone secretly observed you mischievously. She keeps silent as she watches the two of you, preparing to tease you later.

Your apartment's living room quickly fell into silence, save for the occasional sound of the spoon striking the ceramic. You're all concentrating on eating the food. It was quiet until Haseul asked, "It's Saturday tomorrow. What are your plans?"

Yves and Jiwoo, the couple, said they have a date because it is their anniversary. While Vivi makes plans with her Chinese pals, Haseul would attend a family reunion. You simply gave them a shrug as a sign that you were uncertain. While Jungeun just said, "Probably napping. This week drained my energy,"

Yves cheekily said, "How about you and y/n go out tomorrow." She suggested, and her girlfriend grinned and said, "She's right! Have a date too." Sooyoung and Jiwoo turned to face each other and gave each other a high-five. In comparison to their date, they appear more enthusiastic about their suggestion.

"I agree with them, how about Jungeun tour her around the city", said Vivi.

These recommendations force your blood to start rushing to your face. Even so, you didn't have high expectations because she had previously stated that she only wanted to spend the day in bed.

"Why don't you just date each other? You'll make a cute couple together." Haseul said out of nowhere.

You think that every minute their suggestions are getting out of hand.

Jungeun muttered, "Seul." she is currently quite shy. Even though she made an effort to conceal it, her face is flushed.

"LOL, looks like our Lippie hasn't moved on yet..." Jiwoo playfully rolled her eyes to Jungeun, "Oops, sorry." she said regretting that she brought up that topic.

Oh? She was in a relationship?

you murmured to your mind.

In any case, Jungeun's love life hasn't been a topic in recent weeks. They might be avoiding it because it's a sensitive subject to them.

"It's not that easy, Jiwoo, you know," Jungeun said with a hushed tone.

All of a sudden, the room was silent. Nobody is willing to talk.

Vivi asked to lighten the mood, "Are you guys finished eating?" Everyone nods as everyone assists Vivi in cleaning the table.

After some time, when you all decided to play some games you had, your apartment was once more filled with yells and laughs. Jiwoo and Yves are responsible for the noise that is possibly audible outside.

//

You were awakened by your doorbell on Saturday morning. You checked the digital clock on your nightstand and saw it showed "11:15 am.".

While putting on your glasses and yawning, you headed to the door to check your morning's disturbance.

Opening your door, you immediately regret thinking of her as a disruption.

Jungeun is waiting patiently and waving at you, "Good Morning!"

You responded with a smile and added, "Good morning! You should come in. That looks heavy." as soon as you saw the bags she was carrying. You flung the door open and reached for the bags.

"Oh yeah, I got some food from our house. I informed my Mom that I'm visiting you today. Sorry, I think I made you woke up." She apologized, feeling bad for her unexpected visit.

"It's okay." laying the lunchbox on top of your coffee table in the living room and saying, "Have a seat, Do you want to watch Netflix? I'm just gonna take a quick shower." you get the remote control and turned the tv on.

Jungeun entered the living room and took a seat on the sofa. She said softly and grinned at you, "Take your time."

Not long after, you went out of your room in your baggy t-shirt and cotton shorts. Jungeun briefly glanced at you while seeking an interesting movie before returning her focus to the television.

"You should eat your brunch first before we watch some movies or drama."

Following her order, you sat beside her and opened the lunch boxes that Jungeun brought for you.

The food was neatly organized and very appetizing for you. It is also obvious from the smell that it is indeed delicious. There's even a bunch of side dishes that are authentically made. The meal has meats, veggies, and of course, rice. You assume that the food she gave you will last for three days.

"Omg, This looks amazing." you said, "Please tell Auntie Kim that I'm so grateful for this food. I appreciate you bringing this as well."

Jungeun informs you, "She said that you might be missing some authentic homemade foods so she packed you some when I told her that I'm going here." She is glad that you appreciate it so much.

To begin eating, you went to your kitchen to grab some utensils.

"Oh, and why did you come today, by the way? I thought you were too tired to leave your house."

Jungeun stopped browsing Netflix and her face starts to become red. She was baffled for a second, thinking of a great excuse to use.

"W-well, u-uhh...I-i got...I realized that I want to hang out, and you're the only one that is free so yeah." She nodded, trying to convince herself that it was a solid explanation.

She was relieved when you seem to buy her excuse. You hummed and just nodded too.

Jungeun noticed your glasses getting moist from the steam of the food she brought.

Cute

You keep eating until you are so full that you can’t breathe. After that, you immediately clean the table so that you two can watch a film or a drama. You exit the kitchen with sodas and chips for the two of you.

Jungeun slightly leaning on the arm of the couch saw you and suggested, "Is it okay if we watch some web drama?"

"Sure," you agreed softly before giving her some chips and placing the drinks on the table.

The two of you soon feel completely comfortable. Jungeun is curled up on the sofa, her head resting on your leg. However, because you just ate, you are unable to lie down.

When your back started to become tired of the position, you tried to recline on the other end of the sofa without bothering Jungeun. Naturally, this won't work, and when she realized this, she stood up from lying down and slightly leaned on your shoulder instead to share the blanket you had given her because she started to be cold.

You immediately felt the warmth of her body and blanket. Additionally the warmth she has given you in your heart.

It feels domestic.

You begin to believe that the universe is conspiring in your favor. This day is a special one, and no matter how it ends, you're very delighted.

The two of you were so engrossed in the drama's storyline that you were unaware of the passing of time. You learned that Jungeun is the type of girl that leaves side comments in almost every scene. She always has something to say, like she's also part of it.

Which you find so adorable.

You two decided to go for a stroll. No specific places to go.

The first stop was in the ice cream shop. Jungeun complained that she needs her daily sugar intake. Which caused you to respond, "But sugar is present in almost all food."

"You don't get it", she said, rolling her eyes at you. Which you replied with a chuckle.

Your mind began to wander off. For the past month with Jungeun, you felt a lot of things. You experienced being her seatmate, partner in crime, cafe buddy, and many more. Especially, on what it feels like to fall in love with her. She could be a great girlfriend.

Then, without realizing it, you began to picture her as your girlfriend. Creating all of these scenarios wherein you'll never star in.

You ask, "Should we watch the sunset?" since you're both headed to Hangang Park anyway. Sunset plus with Jungeun? It makes you feel the butterflies in your stomach

Jungeun nodded and slightly grinned, "U-uhh s-sure, I think it will be great."

Jungeun is honest enough to admit that she's not sure if she was okay with this.

The place will just remind her of memories from her past. She always went back there, only for her to end up going home with a heavy heart. But now that she has a companion, things might be different.

I'll be fine…I hope so

She thought to herself

You two continued to tease and argue with one another the entire time you were heading to the park. Both of you decided to sit on the grass, so you went out and purchased a mat to sit on and some food because she keeps complaining about being hungry.

The colors of the sky as the sun sets draw the attention of both you and Jungeun. Orange and slightly pink hues were beginning to fill the sky.

"So gorgeous." You have loved sunsets for as long as you can remember. You're not sure why, but it always makes you feel comfortable.

Its colors, which made the sky entrancing, change constantly.

Sunsets are like days every week; each one is special in and of itself.

On the other hand, there's Jungeun, lost in her thoughts. Someone who enjoys the opposite of sunsets comes to her mind. Despite leaving her broken, the person she misses dearly.

Her expressions were reflected in her eyes, which simply conveyed sadness.

You questioned Jungeun, "Heyy, are you alright?" but all she did was gaze at your worried expression.

"Can I tell you a secret?", She spoke abruptly before returning her attention to the sky.

You mumbled your response, "Uhmm sure."

"This park is our very special place." She opened up.

"with your ex?"

"Technically, she left before we became official so I don't know if it is counted as ex, but yeah..", "Sorry, I shouldn't saying and ranting this to you." She replied, unsure of if she will continue to let her feelings out.

Her tone of uncertainty caught your attention. "It's fine, Jungeun. I'm your friend you can vent out your emotions with me right now."

Setting your feelings aside. You are willing to spend some time with her to soothe her heartache and comfort her.

The most important matter for Jungeun right now is letting her emotions out. She needs a friend, and you are that friend. Jungeun doesn't need a response. She simply requires someone to listen.

She breathes heavily, "Well, I want to tell the others about what's going on in my mind and about what I feel, but doing so could make them dislike her even more, which I don't like because after all, she's still our friend. So, I just keep it to myself...", you nod as she speaks.

"Of course, it was difficult for us, especially me. She disappeared like a bubble. After that, I questioned myself if I did something that made her leave. I overthink so much. Thinking many possible causes of her disappearance."

Jungeun left a big sigh, "Two days before it, we were happy. We even had a sleepover at Vivi's place. Then, She suddenly stopped attending classes which made us worried. We tried everything to contact her but we can't. But like an idiot, I've continued to message her up till now. We even asked her parents also, and they said that Jinsol told them that they should not tell us and she'll be having some break."

"The most upset person was Yves. Despite her being her best buddy, she has no idea what the heck is going on. Since then, Jinsol became a sensitive topic to us."

"At that time, I don't know what to do. I was left broken. For me, she was my greatest love."

"The happiness that I experienced with her is very different. I began to wonder if I would ever feel the same level of happiness that I did while we were together if she didn't return. Because with her, I felt incredibly loved and secure. Will I ever meet someone who can give me those feelings?"

You absorb all of this info from her. The sadness and anxiety they felt are evident, especially to her.

By now, you are sure that Jungeun is really into her. And her feelings are strong enough to the point she's willing to wait for Jinsol's uncertain return. That she's ready to forgive her despite those heartbreaks.

"She's very lucky." Her stares landed on yours as you muttered those words.

Too lucky to have you.

"She'll come back, for sure.", you added.

It's her loss if she didn't.

"Perhaps she's having trouble figuring out some things on her own as well. Because sometimes, there are problems that only yourself can solve."

Jungeun deeply looked into your eyes, understanding your point, "I just really wish right now is for her to come back." She turned to look at the sky, which was getting dimmer by the second.

"Y/n, Thank you so much for listening. I needed that. It lightens the weight of my concerns." She smiled still looking at the sky, too shy to face you.

"You're always welcome, Jungeun. Everything will be fine." You said and gently tapped her back.

"You should share a secret too." She said playfully to you and giggled.

"Maybe, next time" you smirked.

The night had grown entirely dark, and the breeze had grown chilly. The two of you quickly decided to return home. You accompany Jungeun to the bus stop, where you wait until she got a ride.

It was a calm walk.

Everyone is silent, just taking in the chill breeze.

In retrospect, you can see that your day was an emotional rollercoaster. Another rush of experiences and perceptions.

From afar, you saw a bus approaching. Jungeun got up from sitting and then got ready for it.

Both of you take your goodbyes, "goodbye, Y/n. today was a special day." Jungeun said.

"Thank you also," you answer her with a soft smile, "Uhm by the way, can I ask you for a favor?" you asked.

"oh sure, what is it?" she replied waiting for your response.

"Please message me when she returns." This caught her off guard hence she nodded her head.

Before she got on the bus, you two waved and smiled at one another one last time.

// 

Now that a new week has started, everyone is once busier. They are occupied finishing up their backlog and studying for their approaching midterms. Haseul and Vivi are very active on the student council. Since you are an exchange student, you have to do some other assignments from your additional courses. Even though it was simple, there are too many to complete in one sitting.You’ll also take the exams in a different room with a different schedule.

You six can hardly hang around together. Yves, Jiwoo, and Jungeun are left together when you and the other two are busy. Occasionally, it was you and Jungeun who were left when you cannot find the other couples.

After what happened in the park, you and Jungeun became closer than before. Sooyoung once saw you trying to tutor Jungeun in the library, but the latter fell asleep and you were busy staring at her, peacefully sleeping. She thinks that something is going on between the two of you. Well, it was just her assumption since she never asked.

Yves has been shipping the two of you since you and Jungeun became close last month. She keeps teasing both of you. Looking back on what she saw in the library, She thought that her ship is sailing.

Maybe, it is. Her ship is sailing but as a friend.

//

You were attempting to go over all of the notes that were piled up on your study table on a Friday night. You think that time went fast these days. You had just completed and turned in most of your homework earlier that day. Reviewing all the subjects from the previous month and a half is now your responsibility.

Studying was never a problem for you because you enjoy learning new things. Every time you receive a high grade, you feel immensely satisfied.

You were too caught up in your studies that you forgot to check your phone making Jungeun's message left unread.

//

The next day, you woke up on your study table. You cannot remember when did you fall asleep and on what subject you stopped.

Leaning on the backrest of your chair, you felt the pain coming from the back of your neck and this made you hiss. You are sure you have stiffed neck from sleeping on your table.

Your phone vibrated indicating that someone is calling you.

The caller's id shows it was the head of the school.

"Good Morning, Ms. Jung. How may I help you today?" you politely said.

"Good Morning, Ms. Y/n. Can I meet you today at my office? I need to discuss some things regarding your program."

"Sure, Ms. What time should I go there?"

"Around 10 am, will do. Thank you."

"Noted. Thank you."

You wonder what she'll talk about with you later. Since you haven't encountered any problem there since your stay, you are unsure of what the issue will be.

Checking the time on your phone, it shows, "8:56 am"

After that, you checked your inbox and read it one by one.

The first and only caught your attention was Jungeun's message last night.

Despite being brief, it stayed in your head for hours.

She's back.

You tried to shake it off and lay at ease but it was harder than you thought.

Why am I feeling this way? I already know and accept that she'll never be mine. There is nothing to be disappointed in.

You drag yourself grumpily to the restroom. Furious that you're feeling that way. Even though you are still happy that she is back, you find yourself hating the thought of it.

Opening the hot shower to relax. You must proceed since you have a meeting with Ms. Jung.

You have known from the morning that today will be difficult, and after the meeting, that prediction comes true. The school's head of administration notifies you that the exchange program's duration will be shortened. You get a week of preparation before returning to your original school after taking all of the examinations and additional subjects.

Laying down on your bed while taking some soothing music. Your breathing is heavy and slow. You've been trying to use your phone less since morning. You felt like you're gonna pass out from all of the things you had today.

You can't even start studying, too distracted to absorb all the topics.

It's too draining.

Besides that, you are unsure of how to inform others of your departure. They might not comprehend also that she has returned right now. You don't know for sure, though if they are aware of this news.

You heard your doorbell ring in your apartment.

The intercom shows a girl in her jeans and cardigan in front of your doorway.

"What's up?", slightly confused about her sudden visit.

"Can I talk to you? Sorry if it was too late but...I want to talk to you." a hint of persistence is evident in her voice.

"Ohh okay, come in."

Yves went to your living room while you go to the kitchen to find something she can drink.

"Are there any drinks you'd want to have?" You questioned, wishing she wouldn't hear the fatigue in your voice.

"Do you have a beer?" You heard her faint response. Fortunately, you still have the two cans that were extra from the previous day.

While you opened your can, you handed her beer. "So, is there any problem?" You sat down on the sofa across from her and asked calmly.

She has no idea how to express what she wants to say, "Well, Uhhh... I simply want to know if you have heard the news of Jinsol."

You could tell she was worried by the way she spoke. You nod your head in response to her question.

"Have you admitted your feelings to Jungeun yet?" You were somewhat taken off guard by that, but you anticipated it.

You took a sip of your beer, "No, and I don't truly have a plan to."

After hearing your reply, Yves fixed his gaze on you. She attempts to read your facial expressions and feelings, but you are too composed to even say anything. "Why not? Even just a try?" she asked, shrugging, "...you know just to prevent future what-ifs."

"Well, right now my heart just wants to follow where my mind is free," you sigh as you shake your head.

"Why is that so?"

"From the beginning, I can feel how important she is to Jungeun. She always thinks about her and longs for her presence. Jinsoul reminds her of almost everything." You explain.

"But when the two of you are together, she appears to be having fun and looks to be enjoying herself." The latter tries to point out, "When she's with you, it seems like she's with Jinsol."

"She is just distracted, Yves. She might be having a good time with me but her feelings are not the same. There's no point in telling her about my feelings. It will just complicate a lot of things, to be honest. And I know that Jinsoul loves her just as much as she does."

"I'm opposed to that. She even ghosted and left Jungeun without saying anything."

"She has her reasons. I don't know exactly what are those, just trust her, please. Perhaps, she's still your friend. She needs that time to realize things on her own."

"How can you even say that? As far as I've known, you two haven't met yet."

"Jinsoul... She's my cousin," you chuckle a little and smiled bitterly

Yves's loud gasp broke her control. She gives you a bewildered look.

"To be completely honest, Jinsoul frequently likes to tell me about this girl that she finds very endearing. How much she loves her and wants to keep her safe."

You down your beer, "I hope I realized sooner that she was referring to Jungeun. She loves her to the point where she begins to doubt herself. Because Jinsol uses this nickname, I didn't realize it until Jiwoo called Jungeun by that name. I now understand how she felt when she fell in love with her."

When you thought back on how complicated this was, a small pang of sadness arose in your heart.

Yves was left lost in thought. She still finds it hard to believe what she just heard.

What a tiny world

she thought

"But why didn't you tell me that you are related?" She gave you a dissatisfied expression.

"After discovering about her relationship with you guys, I decided it wasn't nice to bring up.”, you tap her shoulder and stare into her eyes, "I am genuinely sorry about my decision that causes your disappointment."

She simply nods while averting your look. She finishes the last of the beer before getting up.

"Okay, I understand." She whispered.

Yves was ready to put her shoes on and walk up to your door, " I'm going now and I'm sorry for crashing this late."

"Sooyoung, I have to tell you something." You speak again causing her to pause and face you

"What?" she mumbled.

"I'm leaving Korea in two weeks." You said giving her a sad smile.

Sooyoung holds both of your shoulders slightly aggressively. "What?!"

Too many revelations in a day. "You're joking, right? you still have like a month.", she says as her head begins to ache and she questions whether she can handle further information

She finds it all difficult to believe. Not expecting you to go earlier than anticipated. You grew to care deeply for them, and vice versa. She is aware of how much they will miss having you there.

"The program's period has shortened due to some circumstances, please don't tell the others, yet" you explained briefly, tapping her hand.

Your heart aches just thinking of leaving them. Even though you have buddies back home, you became fond of them. Their bond was unique. It is a very special one.

"You should go now. The night is getting older," you said goodbye to her, she was brought back to reality by this to which she replied with just a nod.

After your conversation with Yves, you had some relief. That evening, you also begin to consider confessing to Jungeun.

Sooyoung has a point. I should confess. Last chance

Minutes of spacing out, your phone blinked, displaying a message from Yves informing you that she had reached her house safely.

Going through your contacts, you clicked Jungeun's and sent her a message.

Can we meet tomorrow?

After a couple of seconds, she replied.

Jungiiee sent you a message (10:15 pm)

Sure, Where are we going to meet?

You replied, "Hangang park, 5 pm."

That night, you slept shortly after. For someone who has gone through a lot that day, it is a much-needed rest.

//

The color of the sky begins to shift to one that is more serene. The colors pink, yellow, sky blue, and orange collide making the sky even more beautiful than it was. The tranquil hue of the sky reflects on the river, enhancing its beauty.

You were so preoccupied with the sky that you failed to even notice when she arrived.

"Did you wait too long?"

Your head immediately turns to the girl asking. "Hey, sorry. I didn't notice you sooner."

Jungeun laughs because it was obvious that you forgot about your surroundings for being engrossed with the sunset.

She has already seen you from a distance as you were busy grinning and taking in the mellow sky before she ever comes close to you.

Jungeun thought it was an adorable scene.

"It's fine. You look like a kid watching her favorite scene in a cartoon," she said trying to tease you.

You glare at her, "Between the two of us, you know that you are the kid here, Kim."

This statement made you earn a big slap on your arm. Which you just laugh out.

She rolled her eyes and sat beside you.

"Oh yeah, why do you want to meet with me today?" She asked curiously.

Your grin has slightly softened. This simple question made you silent for a moment.

"Wait..let me think." You put your hand on your chin pretending to think. She laughs at your antics thinking you're just being playful.

You chuckled when you notice that she bought your joke. However, the reality is that you don't know the answer.

Why? I'm not sure, though.

Perhaps I just want to be with you?

to spend some time alone with you before I go?

Before you return to her?

or perhaps because I want to confess?

These are the thoughts that are going through your head.

Jungeun then begins to look up at the sky, where the color is beginning to become saturated.

On the other hand, you're also just quietly taking in the breathtaking scenery. The main factor that made you feel sincere happiness while remaining in Korea for the last few weeks was the scenery that you are currently gazing at. She leads you to make choices you never imagined making, such as letting go of something you wish you would have. You grew more mentally and emotionally thanks to Jungeun.

"Can I tell you a secret?" you spoke abruptly not putting away your attention on her.

"Uhmm sure," she replied.

Deja vu

This already happened in the past.

Last week.

Saturday.

The only distinction between you and her is that you are in her position.

In anticipation of your secret, Jungeun gave you a quick look.

She turned to gaze back as you turned to face the sunset with a contented smile.

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?" You mumbled under your breath.

The latter simply nodded her head in agreement with your claim, and her only reply to you was, "Hmm."

Her response was too short to determine if she understood the phrase or not.

The silence was broken by Jungeun after a little while.

She gave you an impatient look, "You know, I'm still waiting for your secret."

She was still viewing the sunset as you laughed at her. You felt a little more at ease knowing she didn't understand.

I knew she wouldn't get it

"I already said it."

She said, feeling extremely lost, "But you just asked about how lovely the sunset is, which is not a secret, by the way."

Chuckling at her, you ask, "How about let's buy some food? I got hungry waiting for you." trying to annoy her.

"Well, I didn't know you were earlier than expected time. You didn't even bother messaging me, so it's not my fault." She said seriously which made you chuckle again.

The rest of your time in the park was spent having a very typical picnic. You both attempted to ride bikes and explore the park. She then took multiple pictures. Jungeun and you were also amused by the pets there. You two talked about a lot of random stuff and cherished each other's company.

Will she remember everything we did and the places we visited while I was here?

This might be your last quality time being alone together, so you savor this moment 'til it lasts.

You wish again that this day would not end.

When she received a message notification, the moonlight was already reflecting on the two of you.

Her face beams as she read the message, "Oh, it's Jinsol." she said.

"We should go home then." You smiled at her and offered to take her to the bust stop again.

What you hoped earlier was not fulfilled. Everything comes to an end.

Since the moment was too lovely to remember, you didn't even get a chance to inform her about your connection to Jinsol and your departure.

As you make your way back to your room, your thoughts begin to drift once more to all the alternatives.

What if I met her before Jinsol?

What if I am her?

Would Jungeun still love me the same way?

Would she wait for me as well?

You need someone's assistance to bring you back to reality because you are quite lost in thoughts.

You were alone once more on this chilly evening to cope with your agony.

You may have already believed that you were used to it, but deep down you know that what you are feeling is genuine.

So this is how saying goodbye to your first love feels like.

While on the bus, Jungeun seems bothered. There is something that makes her wander through her thoughts. As the bus goes down the highway, Jungeun talks to herself.

The sunset is beautiful, isn't it? wait I must have read it somewhere.

She tries to remember the meaning behind those words.

Suddenly, it's her stop. She walks down the street leading to her home. Still thinking about the phrase that you said.

“I can't think straight, I am not myself at this exact moment. I better be cleaning up and take some rest", she said whispered to herself.

After taking a warm bath, Jungeun jumps straight off her bed.

As she was browsing on her phone. You texted Jungeun. "Did you get home safely?".

The message appeared in her notifications tab. Jungeun was about to answer your message when she saw a video about phrases and the hidden meanings behind them.

" ‘The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?’ means I love you, but I am letting you go...."

She then realizes what you wanted to say to her. Staring at the ceiling for a couple of minutes, still processing what you said.

Instead of answering your message, she replied.

"Did you mean what you said? If so, why didn't you tell me much earlier?"

You immediately saw her reply, and there are many things that you want to say. But you decided not to express it.

"Things are much better this way. Furthermore, I am leaving in just two weeks. So you weren't able to see me for a while. No, this might be the last time that we can talk. Jinsol is back and I want you to be happy with her, Jungeun. That's all that matters"

[spelled-like-pajamas]

As a little New Years thing that I teased, here’s the books I read through out 2023, and some stuff about them. Hope you enjoy!

My Reviews of My 2023 Books:

1.

The First to Die at the End:

 A really good book! This probably isn't going to be as passionate as some other books as I'm writing this a good while after I finished it, but I genuinely loved it. Orion and Valnetino felt real, and their love more real. I loved all the other characters, and their side stories, especially Mateo’s & Rufus’s short cameo, and they fact that they almost became friends so much earlier in life. And sure, short cameo, but worth it. Only part that was a little weird is, well, I won't say what happened, but just say that once they reach home, it isn't as wholesome as it is when Mateo & Rufus get to his place.

Rating: 9/10

Favorite Quotes: 

“Nope, it’s not” I say. “Valentino, if you want some motherfucking linguini, I’ll find you some motherfucking linguini”.

“Here's the truth no one ever wants to admit when death is on the horizon, or when you're deep in that grief—as long as you keep existing, you'll keep breathing, and if you're breathing, one day you'll start living again.”

“And I'll maybe even fall in love again, and I'll make sure I say it before it's too late.”

(okay, I liked it, sue me) 

2.

Aristotle & Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe: 

I loved it. The story was something that wasn't too hard to follow, but always was able to keep my heart pacing. The narritve, the dialogue, the characters, it all was as perfect as the sun rise. 

Score: 9/10

Favorite Quote: “Senior year. And then life. Maybe that's the way it worked. High

school was just a prologue to the real novel. Everybody got to write you--but when you graduated, you got to write yourselt. At graduation, you got to collect your teacher's pens and your parents pens and you got your own pen. And you could do all the writing. Yeah.

Wouldn't that be sweet?” 

3.

The Cartographers: 

This was a book I picked for my birthday with no clue what it was about or anything, and overall, good book. A really nice story with good characters, creative writing, lots of twists, some you expect, others you don’t. Good book.

Score: 7/10

Favorite Quote(s): 

“Maps are love letters written to times and places their makers had explored.”

“I hope the maps are good where you are.”

4.

John Muir; Wilderness Essays:

So, this was a book that picked up at a bird reserve and caught my eye because I did a massive report on him in middle school, but never was able to read all of his works. But overall, good book. Definitely one either made for one who can go on with scientific books or pages that feel more like an advertisement or has a quiet room to read in. Definitely good book for any nature lover. 

Score: 5/10

Favorite Quote(s):

“Scarce one note is for us; nevertheless, God be thanked for this blessed instrument hid beneath the feathers of a lark.”

“The earth has indeed become a sky; and the two cloudless skies, raying toward each other flower-beams and sunbeams, are fused & Congolese into one glowing heaven.”

“As age comes on, one source of enjoyment after another is closed, but Nature’s sources never fail. Like a generous host, she offers here brimming cups in endless variety, served in a grand hall, the sky its ceiling, the mountains its walls, decorated with glorious paintings and enveloped with bands of music ever playing. The petty discomforts that beset the awkward guest, the unskilled camper, are quickly forgotten, while all that is precious remains. Fears vanish as soon as one is fairly free in the wilderness.”

5.

The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle: This book, unlike quite a few so far, was one not by random choice, but instead one I picked up as one of the best books according to Tumblr when I first joined, and I decided to give a try, and is by far the best mystery novel I have ever read and always kept me on my toes and kept me guessing every step of the way. 

Score: 9/10

Quotes:

“You don't like the man you were. Very well. Be somebody else. There's nothing stopping you, not anymore. As I said, I envy you. The rest of us are stuck with out mistakes.”

“The butler was my father’s batman during the war. Seems Father's taken the insult rather personally.” 

“Tomorrow can be whatever I want it to be, which means for the first time in decades, I can look forward to it. Instead of being something it can be a promise I make myself. A chance to be braver or kinder, to make what was wrong right. To be better than I am today. Every day after this one is a gift. I just have to keep walking until get there.”

6.

The Knife of Never Letting Go: 

Overall, an okay book. For a starter, since this book kinda just throws this at you and expects you to know, the book focuses around the idea that there is this town full of only men, and they can all hear each other’s thoughts, except this gets flipped on its head when the main character finds out that is different pretty much everywhere else, more or less. Again, not too many spoilers, this is meant to encourage you to read these. Anyways, good, kinda left it on a cliffhanger that felt poorly written, but okay. 

Score: 6/10

Quotes:

“But if I had to imagine being on the sea, this is what I’d imagine. The herd surrounds us & takes up everything, leaving just the sky and us. It cuts around us like a current, sometimes noticing us but more idus ally noticing only itself and the song of “HERE”, which in the midst of it is so loud it’s like it’s taken over the running of yer body for a while, providing the energy to make yer heart beat and your lungs breathe.”

7.

The Sun and the Star; A Nico di Angelo Adventure: 

Much good book!! I honestly thought that Riordian had gotten cancelled and wasn’t writing any books, but a trip up to the bookstore proved me wrong. Anyways, bestest book. No spoilers, but it brought back just about everyone it could in a way that was perfect. Also, Will & Nico? MMMMMMM. (Is there a ship name? Sun & Star, maybe, or like Wico?). Anyways again, amazing book, best so far and probably ever, if you read any Percy Jackson at any point, finish all the rest and then get here. 

Score: 10/10

Quotes: 

“Will drew a shaky breath. His eyes were swimming with exhaustion. He worried that he’d finally done something that would make Nico realize they were simply, irreconcilably too different. “Yes?”

Nico didn’t seem to be able to talk at first. Then: “You are a legitimate demigod Care Bear.” Will’s top lip trembled. He fell to his knees. Then he bent over in loud raucous laughter until tears poured from his eyes. “You’re so weird.” Nico crawled over, pulled Will to him, and silenced his laughter with a tender kiss. “Please keep being my own personal Care Bear, though.” “Always,” said Will. And then he promptly passed out. 

“Okay, okay, enough of your bisexual chaos for the moment.”

“Pain helps us learn,” said Gorgyra. “It is unfortunate, but we rarely forget the lessons taught to us in moments of pain.”

“He wanted to understand Nico, even the parts that seemed difficult or sad. All Nico needed was to be seen & heard by someone he cared for, and Will was making the effort. Will glowed next to the fire like one of the torches on Erebos. And it was hard even for Tartarus to stamp out that kind of hope.”

“Will had heard love described in so many dramatic, bizarre ways over the years, but no one had described it like this:

It’s like drifting down a river of pain and knowing you are safe. It’s like holding a person in your arms and realizing they are an interlocking piece of a puzzle you hadn’t known how to assemble. It’s like staring into a dark and treacherous expanse, unsure of what awaits you but finding comfort in the fact that you won’t have to face it alone. It was a son of Apollo falling for a son of Hades. It was this.”

8.

The Mountain in the Sea: 

An alright book. For a basic summary that spils not a whole lot, the story follows a scientist named Dr. Ha Nguyen, who gets called up by a company that says they may have found a species of octopus that is intelligent as us, and is accompanied by a grizzled war veteran and the worlds first true android. The reason it's lackluster is that very little interesting happens with them for most of the time, as well as two other side stories that seem to be not related for most of the book. However, it does all meet up together in the end, so not too bad. 

Score: 6/10

Quotes:

“We see a level of tool use in the octopus that surpasses that of any birds or mammals other than humans. Consider the compound tool use of the Indonesian octopuses, who carry two discarded

coconut halves with them across the seafloor, stilt-walking with them underneath their bodies, then reassembling the halves to use as armor against predators. The coconuts, discarded by humans, are collected by the octopuses for this specific purpose.

While we see other animals use found objects for shelters and assemble compound objects (such as

nests), nowhere else do we see this level of sophisticated tool use in the animal kingdom. This cannot be dismissed as instinct. It is a learned behavior. When we try to reassemble the train of thought that must have gone into this, what else can

we do but admit we are looking at an animal whose curiosity, adventurousness, and sophistication areunparalleled in most of the animal world?” 

“The world still contains miracles, despite everything that has been done to it.”

“Are we trapped, then, in the world our language makes for us, unable to see beyond the boundaries of it? I say we are not. Anyone who has watched their dog

dance its happiness in the sand and felt that joy themselves; anyone who has looked into a neighboring car and seen a driver there, lost in thought, and smiled and saw the image of themselves in that person, knows the way out of the

maze: Empathy. Identity with perspectives outside our own. The liberating, sympathetic vibrations of fellow feeling.

Only those incapable of empathy are truly caged.”

9.

Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel: 

HELLLL YESSSS! A book that I thought was lost to bookstores by time and only discoverable by Amazon, and was at my fingertips the whole time! Anyways, best book ever! For anyone who knows the podcast, it goes deeper into anything you want to know about the town, and for anyone who’s never heard of it (first off, shame on you but in a light way), it’s a great way to introduce it, as it works for both groups. Read it regardless, you interlopers, and ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD. 

Score: 10/10

Quotes:

“The search for truth takes us to dangerous places,” said Old Woman Josie. “Often it takes us to that most dangerous place: the library. You know who said that? No? George Washington did. Minutes before librarians are him.”

“The world is terrifying. It always is. But Cecil reminded her that it was okay to relax in a terrifying world.”

10.

Abraham Lincoln ; Vampire Hunter: An overall good book! I was promted to read it after seeing the trailer for the movie, and thought I should read the book before I see the movie. But regardless, the book contains good action, comedy and, of course, vampires. Anyone who likes goofy stories, history or horror should read this book.

Score: 9/10

Quotes:

“Judge us not equally, Abraham. We may all deserve hell, but some of us deserve it sooner than others.”

“I fear that a life of death has made me numb to both.”

11.

The Girl Who Could Move Shit With Her Mind: 

I picked this book up simply because it’s not every day you walk into your local Barnes and Noble and see a book that just outright swears right to you (at least where I live, I've realized after writing this that it's probably pretty common). So of course I bought it, why not? It’s a good book with plenty of comedy, which gets balanced out by the murders and and stuff, with a great double twist at the end. The only issue I have with it, and maybe this was just my version, but I noticed a few times where it seemed like the proof reader skipped over something, but probably just me. 

Score: 8/10

Quotes:

“Yeah, it’s been hard sometimes. Working under Moira Tanner sucks. And yeah, I’ll probably never own a restaurant. But I am never gonna stop trying because things can always get better. People are stupid, things go wrong, plans fall apart. Shit doesn’t work like your want it to. But there’s always a way out.”

“Oh, thank God. Someone to distract me from these two lovebirds.” “Please,” Annie says. “You’ve been playing Clash of Clans for the past ten minutes. You don’t even know we here.”

12.

Six of Crows: Hell yes! A book I had simply seen mentioned as a great book with no prior knowledge, and one that delivered it 110%! It’s the perfect mix of heist, fantasy, romance and real world bits that make it perfect! Hopefully back to the bookstore for the next! (Oh yeah, probably should have mentioned it’s a cliff hanger, but in the best of ways, but still brings it down just one point. Also, may this serve as a stamp in time before Wylan and Jesper become a thing, if that doesn’t happen, I’m going to scream.)

Score: 9/10

Quotes:

“Shame holds more value than coin ever can.”

“Kaz leaned back. “What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?”

“Knife to the throat?” asked Inej.

“Gun to the back?” said Jesper.

“Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina.

“You’re all horrible,” said Matthias.”

“Rollins held up his watch chain. A turnip was hanging from the fob where his diamond-studded timepiece should have been. “That little bastard—“ Then a thought came to him. He reached for his wallet. It was gone. So was his tie pin, the Kaelish coin pendant he wore for luck, and the gold buckles in his shoes. Rollins wondered if he should check the fillings in his teeth.”

13.

Crooked Kingdom: Hella good book! A sequel to “Six of Crows” for anyone who didn't know, it still delivers just as good the original, probably even better, tying every single story up perfectly, ending it just the way it needed to, with the same characters that made the first perfect and a few newer ones that help to make it even better. And yes, Wylan and Jesper (Wesper, beautiful) are a thing, that's the one thing I will spoil, because it is perfect, and even thought it was probably very easy to see, I called it! If youve read the first, read it, it does not disappoint, and if you haven't read the first, what are you doing?!?

Score: 10/10

Quotes:

“Where do you think the money went?” he repeated.

“Guns?” asked Jesper.

“Ships?” queried Inej.

“Bombs?” suggested Wylan. 

“Political bribes?” offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. “This is where you tell us how awful we are,” she whispered. 

“You’re not weak because you can't read. You're weak because you're afraid of people seeing your weakness. You're letting shame decide who you are.”

“They don’t know who we are. Not really. They don’t know what we’ve done, what we’ve managed together.” Kaz rapped his cane on the ground. “So let’s go show them they picked the wrong damn fight.”

“Nina had grieved for her loss of power, for the connection she’d felt to the living world. She’s resented this shadow gift. It had seemed like a sham, a punishment. But surely as life connected everything, so did death. It was that endless, fast-running river. She’d dipped her fibers into its current, held the eddy of its power in her hand. She was the Queen of Mourning, and in its depths, she would never drown.”

“Jesper hugged his father tight. Remember this feeling, he told himself. Remember all you have to lose.”

14: 

The Hexologists: A fantastic book! Basically covered all the bases for a great book, mysteries and detectives, dragons and wizards, romance and a sweet old gay couple, and one of the best twists ever, so a good book for everyone, as long you’re good with really lovey scenes.

Score: 8/10

Quotes: 

“Seems the prince had quite a devoted batman,” she remarked to Warren, who stopped over an open binder at the desk’s elbow.”

“Do not neglect to live your life. No cause, no matter how noble, will ever love you.”

“I miss clouds! I miss lonesome clouds, wispy clouds, and all those fleets of white frigates with pregnant sails that would go coursing across the endless blue—warring, burning, sinking at sunset. I miss the clouds that looked like a freshly rolled field and the great placid mountains that presided over a morning—before turning volcanic in the afternoon. There nothing like that now. There’s just a ceiling. A terribly low ceiling and closed-in walls. It’s like we’re living inside a collapsed house.”

“That quality was part of what made him such a wonderful partner. Still, a large heart is not light. Even the most cherished burdens must sometimes be laid down.”

“War, I loved you right through that rug, past the floorboards, into the basement, under the foundation, straight down to the center of the earth. And I hope to see all of those things wear away as we grow old & our love stays young.”

“One nosy woman to another, is it satisfying—knowing all the secrets of the world? Is it enough? Are you content, or does the ever-swelling bubble of reality make fulfillment impossible? After all, every soul on the planet is out there right now, studiously making a mystery of their life. They’re lying, faking, pretending…Is it better to admit your limitations, to not only allow for, but to insist upon the necessity of the unknown? Is ignorance the basis of sanity? Do we need mysteries to survive?”

15.

Aristotle & Dante Discover Dive Into the Waters of the World:

A book that I didn’t do enough justice for with its prequel! (probably because I was still getting back into reading more). The book is beautiful, and has been one of the few things in a while that’s made me cry, both out of sadness, and out of love. Aristotle and Dante will forever hold a place in my heart, not just for the wonderful book it is, but how I use it now as a personal marker for what’s changed about me since I promised I was going to read 15 books, and hopefully 20 or more next year! 

Score: 10/10 (Winner!)

Quotes:

“Oh, hell no,” said Dante. I loved that he brought so much laughter into what was once the pathetic-melancholy-boy thing I used to do all the time. And I wanted to kiss him.”

“But me, I’m a sin, right?”

“No, you’re not a sin. You’re a young man. You’re a human being.” And then she smiled at me. “And you’re my son.”

“I sometimes felt like I'd been asleep for a long time—and when I met Dante, I began to wake up, and I began seeing not only him but the mean and terrible and awesome world I lived in. The world was a scary place to live in, and it would always be scary—but you could learn not to be afraid. I guess I had to decide what was more real, the scary things or—or Dante. Dante, he was the most real thing in the world.”

"Has it ever occurred to you how painful all of this must be for Lina? Have you any idea or have you even considered what she must be going through right now? She's a good and decent woman. She's generous and she's kind. In a word, she possesses all the virtues that you lack. I have no idea why you think our faith is centered around condemning people."

“My mom and Mrs. Alvidrez—their connection mattered. And they respected that connection. It was true, adults were teachers. They taught you things by how they behaved. And just now, my mom and Mrs. Alvidrez taught me a word Cassandra had begun to teach me: “forgiveness”. It was a word that needed to live inside me. I had a feeling that if that word didn't live inside me, the word “happiness” would never live inside me either.”

“That's the thing about friends. Each one of them is different. And each friend knows something about you that your other friends don't know. I guess a part of being friends is that you share a secret with each one of them. The secret doesn't have to be a big secret. It could just be a little one. But sharing that secret is one of the things that makes you friends. I thought that was pretty amazing.”

“Don’t ever let anyone tell you that war is something beautiful or heroic. When people say war is hell, war is hell. Cowards start wars, and the brave fight them.”

“Sometimes I loved them so much. There was something about girls that guys didn't have—and would never have. They were amazing. Maybe one day, instead of always having to prove they were real men, guys would study women’s behavior and start acting a little more like them. Now, that would be awesome.”

“For the longest time, I have wanted to be an actress. Then I realized I’ve been an actress all my life. But the question ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ is not just about what professions we chose. The real question is, what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to love? Or do you want to continue the hate? Hate is a decision. Hate is an emotional pandemic we have never found a cure for. Choose to love.”

“We had to make it to shore for Sophocles and all the newly arrived citizens of the world. We had learned that we were all connected, and we were stronger than any storm, and we would make it back to the shores of America—and when we arrived, we would throw out the old maps that took us to violent places filled with hate, and the new roads we mapped would take all of us places and cities we’d never dreamed of. We were the cartographers of the new America. We would map out a new nation. 

Yes, we were stronger than the storm.”

Prologue (or something, idk):

So, the TLDR of it all was that I promised myself I would read 15 books by the end of the year all the way back then, and this is that list of books, my thoughts of them, and hopefully, a spoiler free incentive to read these too. And if you want favorites, Aristotle and Dante Dive Into the Waters of the World takes 1st, The Sun and the Star takes 2nd, and Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel takes 3rd. Thank you so much to all you book people on Tumblr for getting me back into reading and bringing my “To Read List” from 5-10 to nearly 100 as of writing! Hope to be back with a list like this next year with 20 books, and here’s to another year on this hellsite I’ve fallen for!

[solitaryearthperson]

Girlcrush

Summary: Sapphic!Reader has a secret crush on Natasha and doesn’t know how to deal with it.

(The reader uses she/her pronouns and is 18+. The ethnicity is any.)

Oh shit! She sees me! I look back down at my book and pretend that I wasn’t just looking directly at the back of Natasha’s red head. I try to spare a glance back up at her to see her eyes slowly move away from my form and onto Bruce passing by, and I sigh in relief. 

I’ve only been in the Avengers for a couple months, but my crush on the Black Widow had been around way before that. It started a little while after the attack on New York, when people were still processing the existence of aliens and the existence of superheroes at the same time. I was a senior in high school at the time and everyone was talking about the Avengers, specifically who they like the most from the team. I kept it a secret that the Black Widow was the one who made my heart race and my palms sweat and told them that it was Captain America. Who knew that I would end up having powers as well?! Apparently some time after graduating, my powers began showing up and as much as I tried to control them, they ended up becoming a big problem that I couldn’t ignore and soon my family got a call from an agent at SHIELD who said that Nick Fury was interested in me joining the Avengers I obviously said yes, because who wouldn’t want to live with a bunch of superheroes. 

“(Y/N),” Natasha’s smooth voice brought me out of my thoughts and I looked up from my book to see her standing across from me with raised eyebrows. 

We were standing in the kitchen with the counter between us and I was bent over my side of the counter holding my book in front of my face like an idiot.

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean what am I doing?” I tried to keep my voice calm and not show any nervousness, but failed. “I’m reading, clearly. Why do you ask?”

“Clearly,” she began, her voice showing her skepticism, “You have been standing there with a book in front of your face for the past 20 minutes, pretending that you’re reading, but I can clearly see your eyes looking at me.”

I opened my mouth to give a comeback, but I honestly didn’t know what explanation to come up with so I just sat my book down and closed my mouth.

“Why are you pretending to read in the kitchen and why are you staring at me?”

I didn’t know what to say. Well, technically I did know what to say, I just don’t know how to say it or if I should say it. I don’t know how old Natasha is, but I do know that she’s definitely older than me, so my crush on her would definitely make things awkward not just for me and her, but probably for the rest of the team. And would she like me back? I don’t really know if Natasha likes women or not. Maybe it’s because of her being an assassin, but I can’t really get a feel of what her preference is.

“(Y/N),” Natasha said, annoyance becoming clear in her tone.

“Yeah, yeah, um...” I looked around the kitchen, stupidly trying to find some courage somewhere in here. “I was curious about...”

“About?”

“About whether you, um...”

“Whether I like you or not?” Natasha finished for me.

I stared in disbelief at her, not sure again what I should say.

Seeing my face, she let out a low chuckle that seemed to create a strange yet warm feeling in my stomach. “Ever since you got here, you’ve been literally acting like a little puppy, following and staring at me with those little lovesick eyes. It wasn’t that hard and it did not take that long to figure out.”

“Oh,” was all that could come out of my mouth.

She began to slowly make her way around the counter, her green eyes watching me and staring at my body. Is she trying to intimidate me? See if I’ll just start swooning for her? I wasn’t going to let her know that just her talking to me made me nervous so I kept my eyes completely on hers as she made her way to me. There was a smug smile on her face, as if she already knew the affect she had on me. But I kept my cool and tried to look as confident and unbothered as I could.

She finally stopped in front of me and leaned in so her face was closer to mine, and suddenly I could my feel face heating up with how close her lips were to mine as well.

“Do you think I like you?” 

It was a weird question to me and I didn’t really have an answer to it.

“I don’t know. Do you?”

I tried to take the lead and leaned in to kiss her, but it seemed she already knew my intentions and she wrapped an arm around my head and pulled me to her to have one of the best kisses I’ve ever had. Her lips were soft and tasted like fruit and despite her harsh and intimidating exterior, she was surprisingly gentle. 

When we finally pulled away to get some air, I instantly felt my cheeks get warmer, and I instantly thanked whatever deity out there that could hear me for having darker skin, so she wouldn’t be able to tell. 

“Do you want to be with me?”

The question took me off guard. Didn’t we just kiss each other?

“Like dating? Me and you? Yeah, of course!”

“I’m...a person that has a hard time opening up to people. I just wanna warn you.”

“I don’t care. I like you. We’ll figure it out.” I told her and meant it. I didn’t really care that she might have a hard exterior to get through. I was kind of expecting it, considering she’s a former assassin and superhero. I was just glad that my secret girlcrush was now my official girlfriend.

[naniwa-archive]

10000 Characters Long Interview

『When I was a Jr.』

Takahashi Kyohei (Naniwa Danshi - 4th Issue)

He lacked interest in himself and others and spent his days aimlessly.

Kyohei entered the agency that changed his life. The seniors who gave him constructive feedback for his betterment, he turned the one thing he had interest in, which was "singing" into his strength. He met his beloved members with whom he can laugh about casual things. All of these made Kyohei, as a person, grow richer as he experienced various "firsts".

What has changed in Kyohei, and what are the things that will never change?

It’s not just my face, I have good luck too

Following Nagao (Kento), this month it is his batchmate Kyohei’s turn.

Please treat me kindly.

Thinking about it again, it is amazing that the three batchmates were able to debut as the same group.

It makes me think, it’s not just my face, I have good luck too.

Luck!?

I really do think I was blessed. It wasn’t just the two people who I met first. I was also able to meet 6 members who I can be proud of. The fact that we were able to meet may have been luck. There is a saying that says, “Luck is a part of your skills”. So I would like to continue to treasure the luck that I have.

I see.

In the beginning, I started with disliking Johnny’s. At the audition, I never imagined I would be a part of Johnny’s for this long. It’s because I was able to meet the 6 members, and now I like myself being an idol and I have pride in doing the job that I love. I honestly think I have good luck.

Were you close with your family?

My sister is about 5 years older than me, and we had neither a close nor distant relationship. My relationship with my parents was generally good. When I was young, I often went fishing with my father. I copied the way my father prepared fish, and I was able to learn to do it myself. I rarely cook for myself now, so I don’t really get to prepare fish anymore.

What type of person were you in your class?

I was not very good at standing up in front of people. I didn’t want to stand out. I wasn’t the type of person who had a lot of friends. My relationship with my friends was somewhat narrow but deep. But I don’t remember a lot of the memories of my past.

You don’t really remember?

How do I put it, you could say I had no interest in myself or others at that time. I didn’t have anything I was devoted to, and I was basically apathetic.

You didn’t have any dreams for the future?

Not necessarily anything specific. Of course, when I was little, I looked up to Kamen Rider, but by the time I was in middle school I didn’t really have anything.

So, if you had not join Johnny’s what would you be doing now?

Um, if I have to answer I would say I would be a hairdresser. I loved anything to do with hair. I’m not sure though.

So, you didn’t really look up to Johnny’s or the entertainment industry?

I did not. I lived a life where I didn’t really watch TV. I didn’t like when the attention was on me, and I was living in a world where I thought I would never be chosen (for Johnny’s).

It doesn’t matter, I will quit soon anyway

What are the details about how you applied for Johnny’s?

Either my sister or my mother applied without me knowing.

Did either of them have an interest in Johnny’s?

I don’t think so. I think it was a coincidence that it was Johnny’s. If it was a different agency that had an audition recruitment at the time they were looking for it, there was a possibility that they would have applied there.

Have you ever asked them why they sent your resume in?

I have never thought about asking. But, I had been playing basketball from primary school and we moved in the summer of my third year of middle school we moved. I started to become dreary. I was a person who found a lot of things bothersome, and I wasn’t the type of person to initiate anything. I think they just could not stand it and thought, “Why don’t you try and audition?”

When did you find out that it was an audition?

On the day. I was woken up by my mother and sister and taken to the audition venue.

Were you surprised about how many people were at the audition venue?

Not really. I just wanted to go home. I was just in a daze not thinking about anything. I was thinking that I want to go home quickly .

In contrast to your own feelings, you caught the agency’s eyes, and began your time as a Kansai Johnny’s Jr.

I really didn’t like it at the beginning. Even if I appeared on TV or in a magazine a little bit, the girls in my class would say, “I saw it”, but I tried to ignore it. I would often sleep in the classroom. So, when something like that happened, I made sure I didn’t wake up. People from other classes also came to my class to see me, which I really did not like. That’s why I often pretended to be asleep in the classroom.

How was your life as a Jr?

It was embarrassing to dance in front of fans at Shochikuza Theater, so I danced completely with no feeling.

Were you warned by your seniors to try harder?

Sure was. I was never praised. I was always scolded. But I felt like, “Leave me alone”. I was working with the feeling of “It doesn’t matter, I will quit soon anyway”. It wasn’t as if I looked up to that type of job, and it wasn’t necessarily something I wanted to do.

Did you ever feel like trying hard like the other Jr’s so that you could stand at the front?

You could say that I was being myself. I didn’t like comparing myself with anyone, and at that time I had no interest in myself either. Generally, I was the type of person who didn’t think deeply of things, in neither a good nor bad way. I wasn’t the type to get upset when scolded.

What was your impression of your batchmates, Michieda (Shunsuke)-kun and Nagao (Kento)-kun?

I thought that they were mature kids. How should I put it, my impression is kind of patchy. Maybe it’s because I am shy, but I remember them as people who I had to spend a lot of time with at the beginning.

But the three of you started to work together more.

At the beginning I didn’t like the fact that the three of us were put together. In private I spent a lot of time by myself, and I didn’t really have the experience of being surrounded by other people. Also, I am separated by age from those two. I also didn’t like the fact that I was the oldest. I thought, “Why do I have to work alongside these little kids?”

When you joined you were in your third year of middle school, and the other two were in year six of primary school. There were differences in your mind and your physicality too.

They would have stupid arguments like, “That’s my coat hanger”. I wasn’t able to get between them, so I just watched from afar. If we were the same age, I think I would have been mixed up in all of that, and if that was the case, I think the relationship between the three of us would be quite different than what it is.

Was there any reason as to why you started to enjoy your life as a Jr?

I thought Nagase (Ren)-kun was cool when I first saw him on ‘Maido Jani.’ Soon after that Ren-kun moved to Tokyo, but I began to think that Ren-kun and I are similar in some ways. We both auditioned without our own intent and we both initially disliked life as a Jr. Also, the fact that we were both searching for a place to belong, and we finally found one. I think we have a lot of things that overlap. It made me think that even I am able to change.

Your attitude started to slowly change, right?

That’s right. Like I said at the beginning, I have good luck. Because my two batchmates tried their best, we were able to not only back dance at Shochikuza Theatre, but we were also provided more opportunities of singing at the front. At that time, I started to enjoy it. If I was made to continue to dance at the back, I think I would have quit without realizing how much I enjoyed it. When I found out the other two were offered jobs, I gradually started to think, “That’s amazing, I will try hard too”. The presence of the two of them is important to me. If they weren’t there, I wouldn’t be the person I am now.

I see

Also, all of my seniors. (Mukai) Koji-kun’s presence is especially important to me. In a stage play we were able to act as brothers, and he often scolded me for things such as my acting, the way I thought about work and about stupid things like being late. It made me think about how difficult it would be for the seniors to always have to scold their useless juniors within a world where if you don’t put in effort, you will be left behind. It takes a lot of effort, and they may begin to hate the juniors. Even so, Koji-kun continued to scold me. It made me feel as if he really did care about me. At that time, he really was like my big brother.

In 2019 at the Kansai Johnny’s Jr Ake Ome Concert, Koji-kun announced he would be leaving Kansai Johnny’s Junior, and you cried a lot, right?

How should I put it, it was simply my feelings. He would go to Tokyo. He would become someone distant to me. Although I was sad, I was also happy that he would become a member of Snow Man.

If Koji-kun was your big brother, was Nagao-kun like your little brother?

With Kento, we both never had to be formal with each other, and we were on the same wavelength even back then. We often went to USJ (Universal Studios Japan) together.

Even though you have a fear of heights, because Nagao-kun pestered you, you still went on the attractions, right?

In private he is really like my little brother, or rather he has an innocent character as the youngest member, which is what is good about Kento. He pestered me and I couldn’t refuse, so somehow while that was happening, I was cured from my fear of heights (lol).

Do you have any other times as a Jr that you felt was a turning point?

Something that was certainly a turning point was when I was able to sing a solo of ‘Aishiteru, Aishitenai’ at Shochikuza Theatre. I was selected by the choreographer.

Domoto Tsuyoshi-kun and Shibutani Subaru-kun sang that song when they were Jr’s, right?

Yes. When I sang ‘Aishiteru, Aishitenai’ is when I first developed the feeling of ‘I love singing.’ The things that I was doing then, weren't things just anyone was able to do. So, I decided to try hard. That’s basically how I arrived at how I am now. Since then, I have not once thought about quitting.

By entering into this world, I began to like myself

Since then, did your activities go well?

Because I decided to do my best, I felt a sense of difficulty. One time, I had a very objective point of view. I thought about how I can make a position for myself among the large group of Jr’s.

Did you find the answer?

I have thought about it, and rather than trying to compare myself with someone, I would rather just be myself. You only live once, so I don’t like following people or going with the majority. In the end, after thinking about what type of character I should go with, I realized I’m not good at coming up with one, and I’m not the type of person who could be flirty and cute. I decided to expose my true self, rather than to make a character.

Expose?

Because I took a good look at myself, I was able to find the answer. My true character is being a cool narcissist.

There aren’t many people who declare themselves as a narcissist, right?

Right. I prefer being told “You are unique” and “You are different” rather than being called cool or amazing. I am more happy when I am told things like, “You are the only one to do things like that”, and “Your way of thinking is Kyohei-like”.

I see.

Of course, I think I have a nice face too, but being a narcissist is a bit different to other people. Kind of like the way I live. Like I have a different type of pride to other people. I do like my face, but more than that I like the fact that I am able to be myself. I started to get to know myself because I entered Johnny’s, and I developed an interest in myself. Before that I was never interested in my appearance, and I never did anything to refine myself. By entering into this world, I began to like myself.

So, what did you think when Naniwa Danshi was formed?

I thought it was a prank at first, because it wasn’t as if we were all together when it was announced.

How was the member line-up projected?

Um, I had thought that the three of us (Michieda and Kento) would form a group. Because we were together a lot, I was wondering when we would become an official group. It’s as if the 7 members of Naniwa Danshi were pulled together from all different places. Among the group, other than the three of us, everyone had experienced being in a group before. In terms of Jr history, we were the newest too. In the beginning there was a kind of awkwardness.

What was the reason the group was able to come together after experiencing those feelings?

I coincidentally had radio appearances with Jo-kun (Fujiwara Joichiro) and Ohashi (Kazuya)-kun at that time. I was also the first junior (Nishihata) Daigo-kun went bowling with. We didn’t think about trying to become close, we just suddenly became close to each other somehow.

Is that right?

It’s just that the group itself was somewhat different from before. I was even warned by Ohkura (Tadayoshi)-kun. He said, “It won’t look good for Naniwa Danshi if you keep thinking that you want to try to stand out.” The three of us were able to work in our group together, but we weren’t an official group, so I had to think about how I should recognise the root of the problem, and I felt like I had to find a way to stand out. That was the only way I knew how to do things, so I wasn’t even sure how I should conduct myself in a way that would be beneficial to the group.

I see.

Also, when we first became a group, it was difficult for me to continue my cool character, or personality. I thought it would be bad if everyone became like me, but I thought that it would be good to have at least one person in the group that acts this way. But if I become too different from the group’s colors, I would end up being out of place. I have no intention of changing my way of doing things, but I thought that it would be bad if I became a nuisance to someone, so at the least I decided not to be obtrusive.

So, what did you think about debuting?

I think all the members had that in mind when they wanted to debut. I also had the feeling of wanting to debut. Personality-wise I’m not the type to eagerly show it, but I felt like it would be nice if we could debut.

There are Jr’s who set a time limit on their activities, did you set a time limit too?

I didn’t think about it. When Naniwa Danshi was formed, I had been a Jr for 4 years. I thought that any official decision would be far ahead in the future. More than anything, I treasured the things that were happening when they were happening, rather than thinking ahead. I could say that my parents also left all the decisions to me. I didn’t really ask anyone for advice regarding being a Jr.

I thought that it was my fault that we were not making our debut

Gradually, there has been an increase in jobs for the group, and the concert venue has gotten bigger too. Heading towards the debut, have you felt that it's not only the members, but the expectations of the fans getting bigger?

That's right. As we continue to work with various big projects, everyone's expectations grow along with it. However, when it came to debuting, there were a few things that made me think about it, I don't know how to explain it well.

What do you mean?

If I were to mention a reason why we could not debut, I think that undoubtedly it would have been because of me. It might be because I did not stand out in a good way. I have been particularly told off about my dance. That I have to try harder. I have also been told off about smiling more than other other members. Well it was mostly about dance anyways.

Do you mean that you have felt that you're holding back the group?

It's because of me that our group is not very visible from outside. Other than me, the rest of the members were all prepared for debut at any time, yet only because of the fact that I have not reached that level will cause us to not not debut is something I have felt all the time.

July 28, 2021 at Yokohama Arena. When the debut was announced, you cried more than any other members. That just showed how responsible you felt at the time.

The fact we were able to make our debut is the result of me being met the bare minimum recognition requirement. Since I have always thought that I have been holding everyone back, that's why, it's definitely that moment which will be carved into my heart, or something like that. Made me think that if we were finally getting the reward for the hard work of the other 6 people.

You cried a lot on Ohkura's chest backstage.

As it was immediate after the debut announcement, the second I saw Okura-kun's face, I couldn't stop my tears, and even though I was supposed to say "Thank you", but for some reason nothing but the words "I am sorry" would come out.

After debuting, I am sure that you have received congratulatory wishes from a lot of people.

Everyone celebrated it. I personally told the news to my parents, Juri-kun, Ren-kun and then received "congratulations" from them. I received a text from Juri-kun that said, "From here on, things might not go as smoothly but give your best and cross that bridge together with members"

Words from senpai are precious after all.

That's right. Juri-kun in particular is really just on his own, but I admire that way of living life. I can feel the fear as well as the reassuring energy of having a self that won't be carried away from him. The more you know, the more you will understand that he is a very thoughtful person. At first, I was so intimidated by him that I did not want to get close, but I was wrong. He's kind. I want to be like him. I admire Tanaka Juri-kun wholeheartedly.

Moving on, when you look back to the days before debuting, what do you think of those days?

I think that I got really lucky. In the first place, the fact I was accepted was 100% luck because I had that kind of attitude. I wonder why I was chosen from the audition? I don't have anything but words of gratitude for Johnny-san.

He used the word "luck'' quite a lot, but the fact that he continued to do voice training and worked hard in the shadows is known to both members and fans. That it's not just luck.

However, after all, debuting to me means a lot as it is a way to give back to the members and Nanifam. Until now I have been holding everyone back, that's why I want to give back even if it's a little from now onwards. Also regarding the voice training that I have been doing for a long time, of course there's the fact that I love singing but, only if I can get better than Ohashi-kun and I, compared to one person singing alone, the two of us together can expand the range of songs that we sing as a group. I believe that it will expand the range of expressions that we are able to express.

So, do you have any goal that you want to accomplish with the group?

Of course, like all my members, I also want to do concerts at domes and the national stadium. But about the dreams and goals of the group in general, instead of me having anything particular that I want to do, I mostly hop on with things that the members want to do.

Are you okay with that?

Whenever the topic of dreams and aspirations comes up in our conversations, once everyone is done talking, at last they would ask "Kyohei, do you have anything to say?" I generally don't have anything to add in but of course there are times when I must say things about my thoughts and interests. However, because we have 7 members, whenever anyone says that they want to go after their dream, I think I'm good as long as I'm adjusting myself with that. It's not that I would follow just anyone, because it's a place that my beloved members are aiming for, I just want to be with them in it. That's because I want to fulfill the precious dreams of the 6 members whom I trust more than anyone else together with them.

I want to become a shield that can protect the members

A message towards the members you trust with your heart. Starting with Daigo-kun.

When I entered, I did not think that we would get along. He was the person who was leading Kansai Johnny's Jr. during the time I entered. He really cares about the members and he's the type to carry all the responsibilities on his shoulders. "You don't have to take all the responsibilities by yourself", or rather, I wish I could take a share of his responsibilities, even if it's by a little, is what I think.

Onishi-kun.

Ryuche is older than me in terms of how long we have been in Johnny's and younger than me in terms of age. That's the kind of relationship I share with him. But, he's kind to anyone and everyone, that's why I was also able to talk with him without any hesitation from the very first. He was a laid back senpai as well as a kouhai to me. Right now he has the role of cute representative within the group, that's why he is someone who is loved by both younger and older groups of people. I am really glad that Ryuche is in Naniwa Danshi.

Michieda-kun.

We really have been together ever since our entrance. When the 3 of us used to work together he would always talk with us about his dreams like "It'd be nice if we can do things like that!". If Micchi says something, then no matter how big the dream is, I feel like it will definitely come true. That's why, being enchanted, I worked hard towards the dreams Micchi always talks about. Besides, one by one, the dreams that he used to talk about during that time are really coming true. I am really glad from the very bottom of my heart that we are in the group together.

Nagao-kun.

I have spent the most time with Kento in private as well. He's a fellow member but he feels like a friend to me. Right now he has the role of energetic representative youngest member who livens up the atmosphere within the group. Along with that he carries the big talent of thinking and coming up with new ideas for the costumes. I think he's the strength of the group.

Ohashi-kun.

In front of everyone he's a clumsy leader kinda, like he behaves not like a leader but, the one who has been supporting the group is undoubtedly Ohashi-kun. He's a person who can see everything that the others don't even notice. This is something leader-like of he. I might get scolded if I say too much but, the first time we were invited for a show, when he realized that the members were nervous, to loosen up the tense atmosphere he said "I am totally not nervous!" But, judging from his expressions when the other members weren't looking at him, I can tell that he was indeed nervous. He always takes the lead on his own, it's like, the part of him who would do things that the others can not do, I think that's actually very leader-like of him.

Joichiro-kun.

Ohashi-kun is the group's leader, Daigo-kun is the one who leads everyone but the one who is always watching over the group from a step behind is Jo-kun. He really looks over every one of the members. If someone is not talking he would initiate a conversation, or would throw in a joke. The fact that my personality is standing still is all thanks to Jo-kun being there. Because Jo-kun is there, that's why Naniwa Danshi's Takahashi Kyohei was able to stand up.

Joichiro-kun is an irreplaceable existence to Kyohei-kun, isn't it?

Of course without any of the members the Takahashi Kyohei right now would have been different. I have nothing but gratefulness towards everyone. I, who had no interest in people or strangers, was able to change because I was able to meet such respectable members. The fact I am able to cherish people other than myself and live such a fulfilling and enjoyable life is all thanks to the members.

Naniwa Danshi is a nice group with really nice members.

Of course, it's not like every member has everything in them. If someone is lacking in something, the person who has that something makes up for them. Everyone has their own roles and strength that does not overlap with one another. For example, if it's an acting job then it'd be Daigo-kun or Micchi. For variety shows, Jo-kun and Ohashi-kun. For the costumes it's Kento. For instagram and goods it would be Ryuche.

What is Kyohei-kun's strength and role in the group?

Since I'm the visual representation of the group, that's why I want to turn my visuals into a strength. Besides that, I think that it's my role to be a shield for the members. In the present era, of course, there's not only positive feedback, but negative opinions from the antis reach me as well. As I am a positive narcissist, that's why I can't help but think "So there's opinions like that too. Thanks for letting me know". However, amongst the members there are people who cannot take these things well. I want to take in all the negativity towards the members on my shoulder. I think that it'd be better if I could become the target of everything.

From here on it's Takahashi Kyohei's start

Now that you have made your debut, please leave a message for your kouhai.

I see, hmm, if you are in a group, cherish the members. If you are not in a group yet, please cherish your fellow colleagues. And I think that whether you are in a group or not, the most important thing is to have fun. I spent my Jr. era by having fun and treasuring it. And, if you are ever asked to do something, I want you to do your best to respond. If you don't give your best in that moment by thinking that you'll do better later, it will be too late by then. Thanks to the members and people around me, I barely realized that.

From here on, what are your personal goals?

Personally, I like to do the things I want to do step by step. But I am the type who likes to actually do things first instead of saying it, that's why I would like to report those things once my dreams have come true.

Please tell us about it, even if it's just a sneak peak.

Hmm, there are quite a lot of things but, if I talk about things that are within the range, then, for example, I want to improve my acting skills. It's something that is reserved for me to talk about in the future but, next year in March, I will be appearing in the movie "Na No Ni, Chigira-kun ga Ama Sugiru". I did my best while carrying the weight of having my first starring role. It's no longer the usual me anymore. From here on, I hope you can see an image of Takahashi Kyohei making a start from here.

Lastly, a message towards your fans.

Right now we're in the middle of our debut tour, after finally being able to meet everyone at the venue, I had the realization that it's not only us who wanted to see our fans. I realized how thankful we are that we sing and the fans come to the venue to see us. I am really happy that the fans, despite having their own school or job, take out time from their daily lives to cheer us on. Our fans become happy whenever any of our members land a job, they celebrate our birthdays together with us, it's as if we are a family. I feel it all over again that how perfect the fan name "Nanifam" is. Last but not the least, such Nanifam's smiles are our treasure.

This time it was a long interview, thank you.

Thank you. I thought about this while speaking, I talked about the group's dream, as well as the fact that I don't take initiatives by myself. However, I also have a dream that I want to fulfill with the group. My only wish is to forever continue being a group with the 7 of us. That's all I want.

The End.

Translation: @kyoroolove @nishihatas

Proofread: @suzin_tuan @shotawatanabes

[anonymousewrites]

There's a Will; There's a Way (Book 2) Chapter Six

Chapter Six: Celebration

            The Agency had gathered and prepared a small celebration after saving Yokohama. It was also to welcome Kyouka. While most of the detectives were setting up, Atsushi was making sure Kyouka would arrive at the right time. Spying Dazai leaving out of the corner of her eye, (Y/N) quickly said she’d be right back and followed him out.

            “Dazai!” she called.

            “If you’re hoping for me to show up or do work, I’m not going to~!” sang Dazai.

            “I didn’t expect you to, but this is about something else,” said (Y/N). “I didn’t want to worry anyone, not after we just fought the Guild.”

            Seeing her nervousness, Dazai stopped and become concerned. “Are you alright?”

            “Right before the Moby Dick started coming down again, even after Atsushi and Akutagawa stopped it, I got a strange text,” explained (Y/N), hesitantly. She didn’t want to trouble Dazai but was also unnerved from the message she had received.

            “Show me.” Dazai’s voice was commanding. (Y/N) instantly obeyed and held out the phone.

[Unknown]: If you jump into the water, angel, you’re more likely to survive. I hope to see you soon.

            “Have there been any other messages like this?” asked Dazai. He hid the extent of his worry behind a mask of businesslike attitude.

            (Y/N) shook her head. “No, this is the first one, and I’m hoping there won’t be more.”

            Handing her phone back to her, he said, “I’ll try to track the phone number, but since this is most likely from whoever hacked the Moby Dick, I probably won’t get much.” Dazai wished he could assure her that she wouldn’t have to worry about these strange messages anymore, but he wasn’t a fool. He suspected he knew who this was, judging from Atsushi’s description of the emblem that had appeared. Knowing (Y/N) was targeted by Fyodor Dostoevsky was worrying. The most concerning part was how the message said he’d see (Y/N) soon. “(Y/N), go try to relax with the Agency. I will look into this.” He knew she may not feel comfortable currently, but it was the only thing she could do. Dazai would try to ensure she would have some sort of protection, even if that meant him taking time out of his day.

            “Alright. Thanks for this,” said (Y/N) honestly. She knew she probably wouldn’t learn anything. The only thing she could do was distract herself and try to continue with life while being careful.

            “Anytime,” said Dazai. He meant it, too. He’d help her whenever he could.

            The two parted ways with Dazai going to wherever he had been heading and (Y/N) returning to the party. Atsushi and Kyouka would be arriving any minute.

            “They’re on their way. Atsushi texted me,” said Naomi.

            “Finally,” said Ranpo, already munching on snacks.

            As the door opened and revealed Kyouka, the members of the Agency set off confetti.

            “Congratulations on joining the Agency, Kyouka!” cheered the detectives.

            The young girl’s eyes widened, and she blushed, slightly embarrassed but pleased. Handing around drinks, the group of friends toasted to each other, happy to have completed the latest mission and gotten a new member in the process. With that, they began to eat and laugh. They were like a family.

            “Hey, Kunikida, why the long face?” asked (Y/N).

            “My weekly budget has been obliterated…” sighed Kunikida.

            She patted him on the back. “Try to enjoy where the money’s going. It’ll make the pain go away.”

            “I suppose…Oh, Atsushi,” said Kunikida, spying the young weretiger who had just walked by. “How are your injuries?”

            “I’m all better,” answered Atsushi.

            “Your actions saved the city from destruction. I thought I should say something as your senior here at the Agency.” Kunikida pushed up his glasses, already forgetting his previous distress from the budget.

            Kunikida certainly is resilient, thought (Y/N), smiling and sipping on soda.

            Then, the blonde’s temper exploded. “First of all, solo operations are an exception at groups organizations such as ours! I won’t tell you not to apply the experience you gained from this in the future, but don’t dare neglect the Agency’s prime activities! Likewise for Kyouka! Be mindful of the fact that you are a member of the Detective Agency and act in a way that none would be ashamed of!”

            “Less snapping, more snacking,” said (Y/N) stuffing a cupcake into Kunikida’s hands.

            “No, I’d rather not eat too many sweets,” said Kunikida.

            “Yeah, yeah, isn’t there something you wanted to say to Kyouka and Atsushi?” said (Y/N).

            Begrudgingly, Kunikida said, “You did well, both of you.”

            “All right! Sappy stuff out of the way! Let’s drink all night!” said Yosano, dragging (Y/N) and Kunikida away.

            “No, thank you,” said (Y/N), slipping out of the doctor’s grasp.

            “Fine…Kunikida, it’s you and me!” Yosano dragged the protesting man away.

            (Y/N) looked over and noticed Atsushi gazing dejectedly at his feet. “Don’t let Kunikida get to you. He’s proud; he’s just not great at expressing it. He rambles, so don’t take it to heart.”

            “Right, but there is something I need to say,” said Atsushi, “To Haruno and Naomi as well.”

            “What is it, Atsushi?” asked Naomi.

            “I’m sorry.” He bowed to all three. “I did some awful things to you thanks to Q’s ability. It would never have happened if I’d known how unstable I was.”

            The girls blinked at him then faced each other. “Oh, that,” they said, finally remembering it happened.

            “I’m really sorry,” repeated Atsushi.

            “It wasn’t too bad. I’ve had worse fights,” said (Y/N).

            “We can’t keep holding on to stuff like that here,” said Naomi, smiling.

            “We already forgave and forgot,” said Kirako.

            “Really?” said Atsushi.

            The girls nodded in response.

            “Thank goodness,” breathed Atsushi, slowly sinking to the ground in relief. “There was something seriously wrong with me, to have done what I did to you.”

            “Atsushi.” Jun’ichiro, wearing a dangerous face, appeared behind the weretiger. “I’ve never heard about this until now. Atsushi, what is this about?”

            As Atsushi began trying to explain himself to Jun’ichiro, (Y/N) laughed along with Kirako and Naomi. As she looked around at the smiling, celebrating faces, she felt at home. This was her family. And she loved them with all her heart.

l

            Far away, a ship was burning as it rested in the sea. The Port Mafia members on board had been massacred. One man stepped calmly through the flames, undeterred. He had successfully tricked an executive into killing himself and now could retrieve the files he desires without trouble. He was Fyodor Dostoevsky, leader of the Rats in the House of the Dead. Intelligent and manipulative, his opponents hadn’t realized who they were truly up against until it was too late.

            He paused in strange deference to his latest kill, a young redheaded boy. “May you be freed from the shackles of your crimes, and your soul salvaged. Next, the Port Mafia…and the Armed Detective Agency.” Fyodor looked down at his phone as someone sent him a picture. He opened it. The photo displayed a picture of (Y/N) at the celebration. It had been taken by a camera positioned across the street looking into the window. Fyodor smirked. “I’ll see you soon, angel.”

[mejomonster]

Tumblr ate my meta agh :c it was about zhoudus novel start relationship now that I know more of fei dus pov. Oh well. Basically chapter 100 is <3. I love fei du loving when Luo wenzhou opens up to him emotionally. I love fei du wishing he could give Luo wenzhou a nice story but his childhood sucked and he likes Luo wenzhou as his family instead. I love fei du telling a "dumb youth" story of himself and of course its rhe part of his teenage years With Tao Ran and Luo Wenzhou. His happiest safest part of life:

Between the branches of the old trees that had lost all their leaves, you could see the ancient bell on top of the Drum Tower. The night was limpid.

 

The two of them had finally torn away the seriously damaged pretext, tossing aside this murder case where the murderer was evident at a glance.

 

“When I was fifteen or sixteen, I also plotted to run away with a group, though the reason was better than celebrating a Western holiday—KFC or some company like that was putting together a middle school basketball competition, and the prize was a basketball signed by an NBA celebrity, who just happened to be the basketball player I liked. So I got together a group of people, got a sick note from a classmate’s cousin who was a nurse, told my parents the school had organized a competitive summer camp, and ran around playing basketball for half a month.”

 

Fei Du: “…”

 

This was a recollection so wretched it really made you sigh in admiration.

 

“We did get the prize, and I fooled my mom by saying a classmate had brought it back from abroad.” Walking beside him through the peaceful little alley, Luo Wenzhou took his hand, felt it was cold, and gave him the still warm bag of chestnuts to hold, keeping watch out of the corner of his eye to make sure he didn’t sneak any. “Later there was a parent-teacher conference. As soon as the teacher talked to my mom, the whole thing came out. When my dad got home and heard about it he gave me a hell of thrashing.”

 

Fei Du thought that a late-stage problem child like this couldn’t be kept down with simple force.

 

“My dad, he seems pretty severe, but actually he’s very fair and reasonable,” Luo Wenzhou said. “When he got a handle on his temper, he said to me, ‘A forcibly picked melon won’t be sweet. If you don’t like going to school, then forget about it. Do what you like.”

 

Luo Wenzhou’s ridiculous stories of domestic trivialities had an unbelievable attractive force for Fei Du. Each time he occasionally said a few words like this, Fei Du felt that he’d encountered a hidden easter egg. Seeing Luo Wenzhou suddenly stop, Fei Du couldn’t resist following up. “And then what?”

 

Luo Wenzhou said, “At first I was pretty happy, thinking that the old fellow had ‘found salvation’ and changed his ways. I didn’t expect that he would ‘fairly and reasonably’ stop my senior middle Year 2 school fees and allowance.

 

“While I cut class sometimes, I wasn’t really prepared to become a dropout, so I had to go out and earn my school fees when I was on vacation. The old fart was as good as his word. He really didn’t give me a penny. I carried water barrels for people for a couple months for the sake of that basketball… Don’t laugh.”

 

If he could have preserved this story like a specimen, Fei Du felt he could have enjoyed it for half a lifetime.

 

“You always let me take the lead in telling this sort of embarrassing story.” Luo Wenzhou poked him with his elbow. “Your turn.”

 

Fei Du: “…”

 

There really was nothing fun about his whole endless upbringing, but he couldn’t bear to spoil the mood, so he had to rack his brains for a good while, finally managing to pull something out of his memories that would oblige.

 

“All right,” Fei Du said, “I’ll tell you a secret.”

 

Luo Wenzhou indicated that he was all ears.

 

“Around the Spring Festival one year, I went to pay a New Year’s call on a friend.” Fei Du paused, then said, “I saw a bicycle downstairs at his house, a racing bike with a gearshift and an especially flashy paint job, with a pattern like a poisonous snake. It seemed to be calling out to me.”

 

Luo Wenzhou somehow felt that the bike he’d described sounded familiar.

 

Fei Du licked his lips, very cautiously arranging his diction. “So I left a New Year’s present for it…by glueing its back wheel with chewing gum.”

 

Luo Wenzhou’s footsteps abruptly paused—he’d remembered. During the Spring Festival one year, Tao Ran had been unable to go back to his hometown because his duty schedule had been full, so Luo Wenzhou had ridden his bike over with presents to represent the citizens of Yan City in delivering comfort to the police comrade.

 

Before going, he’d thought of a certain little whelp with no one to look after him and had brought along a limited-edition game machine to give to Tao Ran to pass on to him.

 

In the end, he’d stayed twenty minutes at Tao Ran’s house, and someone had messed around with his bike, which he’d left downstairs—some wretched child had stuck a few small firecrackers to his back wheel with chewing gum. Luo Wenzhou hadn’t noticed it when he’d gotten on the bike and reached out his foot to peddle—

 

And he’d nearly been launched into orbit by the explosions!

 

Maintaining his smile, Fei Du guiltily took a small step back.

 

“Fei Du!”

 

President Fei reaped the consequences of lascivious activity. In order to entertain a beauty, he voluntarily gave himself up to the authorities as one possessed; it was too late for regrets.

 

He didn’t receive any “leniency” for his confession. Luo Wenzhou grabbed him and gave him a good seeing to. He was pushed against a wall from behind.

 

Fei Du said, “Wait…wait a minute.”

[we-are-all-of-legend-now]

🥶 for Jake/rose, maybe them having to share a bed for the first time? :3c

 👀 and there was only one bed! I rarely write this trope but I'm into this trope. You got it, anon!

*also, I just want to say, I know a lot of people accept the last name "Hunter" or "Killdragonosa" for Rose, but for a variety of reasons, I always call her "Rose Dawson" and you will pry that headcanon out of my cold dead hands.

🥶 Cold. Warnings for this one: teenaged boy horniness. Not sure if I like it as much as I've enjoyed some of the others but let me know what you think!

Jake drowned out the sounds of Trixie and Spud arguing, looking up at the snowflakes falling from the sky. He was seventeen. It was the senior year winter ski trip and it was supposed to be, well, he supposed, sexier. Where were the girls? Who was he supposed to be showing off for? Where were the ones showing off for him? He'd had Spud and he'd had Trixie and he was sick and tired of hearing them bicker.

"Get a room, you two!" Jake cried, which just caused the two of them to argue harder - this time about who was the ugliest.

He broke off from the two of them and circled around the other side of the lodge. They didn't bother to follow and he let their voices fade behind him. He crunched across the snow, occasionally hearing the snippets of conversations and the laughter of his fellow students. He thought he heard the sounds of an underground party - liquor and making out happening right under the nose of the very oblivious chaperone, Rotwood. It was everything that he was expecting and nothing that he was part of. He was trying not to be bitter about it, so he kicked a snow bank. What he was not expecting was a voice to call out to him.

"Hey! Watch it!"

Jake nearly fell over, thinking that his instincts should be sharper than that by now and Gramps would kick him in the you-know-what for being so oblivious to his surroundings. But when he peered around the snowbank, there was nothing but Rose Dawson sitting there.

Not that Rose Dawson was nothing.

She was, without a doubt, the hottest girl in school. She was taller than he was, with blonde hair all the way down her back, and the biggest bluest eyes that Jake had ever seen. And, she was just sitting there, on her own, with a tiny snowman sitting next to her.

"Sorry, I didn't think that anyone else would be dumb enough to be out here in the middle of winter." Jake's cheeks flamed. "Not that I think you're dumb or anything or ... Crap."

Rose laughed at him and he remembered how he had flirted with her in middle school until she had clearly become part of the popular crowd in high school and he had become even more intimidated to talk to her.

Rose stood up and Jake couldn't take his eyes off how her cute and coordinated ski outfit fit all of her curves.

"No, you're right. I should be inside but I was supposed to be rooming with Stacey but she and Brad have taken over my room and I don't see me being let inside any time soon."

"I thought you were dating Brad."

"I'm not dating anyone."

"I wasn't assigned a roommate," Jake bkurted. He hadn't even stepped foot in the room, though, really. He'd chucked his bags around the corner toward where the twin beds were and he'd stepped foot into the bathroom right by the door, otherwise, he'd been with Spud and Trixie all day, hitting the slopes and lounging in the lodge. It was, Jake realized, the golden moment he'd been waiting for this entire trip. "So, if you wanna come hang out for a while, you can have the other bed."

"I'd like that," Rose said. It might have been the cold but Jake could see the blush on her cheeks. "Lead the way."

Jake did happily and they only had to stow away once, hiding from the patrolling Rotwood. He wouldn't have allowed a young man and a young woman to 'fraternize' at this late hour of 9 p.m.

Jake opened his hotel room door and let Rose inside first. He didn't understand her gasp until he joined her in the room and saw what he hadn't noticed beforehand: toward where he had thrown his bags there was not two twin beds but one large bed.

"Rose! I didn't know! I swear -"

Rose was taking her jacket off, draping it over the back of the desk chair. "You don't mind, do you? I'm freezing from sitting out there."

"Mind? I don't mind. As long as you don't, you know, mind." Jake knew he sounded like an idiot but Rose was removing her snow pants to reveal the white tights she had on underneath.

"Great." She flashed a smile and was standing there, fully dressed, but so much more undressed than she had been a few minutes before and Jake couldn't get that out of his mind. "Wanna watch a movie or something?"

"Sure."

Rose sat down on the bed and Jake sat down next to her. He swallowed his nerves and scooched in close to her, draping his arm over her shoulders. She looked at him questioningly, her lashes long and her skin like cream.

"You said you were cold. Maybe we should get under the blankets."

Rose was under the blankets in a movement that was faster than Jake's eyes could catch. He wasn't going to complain though and he slid in next to her.

"You're right," he said, feeling how frigid it was between the sheets, "you're freezing."

"Warm me up," she said, in a voice that he could only describe as sultry, even though that wasn't really a word teenaged boys used.

He reached for her, touching her waist gently. She melted into his warm touch with a satisfied sigh. It emboldened Jake and he shimmied her even closer, their legs touching, her head finding the spot on his shoulder. He touched her ribs and her eyes popped open, leaning back to get a good look at him.

"Don't get too far ahead of yourself."

Feeling chastened, Jake hastily reached for the remote to put on that movie that they had mentioned.

And then Rose added, "Yet."

Send me more!

[iu-jjang]

[TRANSLATION] 220224 IU MARIE CLAIRE KOREA INTERVIEW

“I, yes, like it now for sure, No, frankly speaking, I want to give up” (Twenty-three) the twenty-three-year-old said. “I think I know myself a little bit now” (Palette) emphasised in 25, “Our ivory-coloured spring climax” (LILAC) in 29. IU has turned 30 after recording how she wandered, hurt and loved herself fiercely during her 20s.

“The instant I turned 30, I felt more excited than I had in a long time.” As soon as I heard those words, I decided not to dwell on and ask questions about her past any further. Her gaze, as expected, reflects one who is in her 30s. I heard her speak about her 30s as musician IU, actress Lee Jieun and as a member of society.

Would you say you are inspired by your age? You turned 30 this year.

Musically so. I think, in terms of music, age is a good subject matter that follows the way you tend to think and feel as it changes. Last year, my full-length album “LILAC” delivered the final send-off to my 20s and to commemorate me being 29 years old. Even before that, a lot of my music has reflected my age, such as “Twenty-three”, “Palette” and “Eight”.

How did you feel as you turned 30? You seem to be constantly aware of yourself, so you must clearly remember how you felt then.

I was watching a year-end ceremony at home. As I was watching absentmindedly, they started the New Year countdown and I felt a sense of excitement well up in me. In the latter half of my 20s, I felt a little weak and weary. It has been a long time since I have felt this excited. I felt so good that it suddenly gave me confidence that I am capable of anything. It could just be because it's the beginning of the year, but I still seem to have that same feeling.

Did that feeling somewhat influence your plans?

I had this abstract idea since I was in my 20s. I want to open a small studio or concert hall where people can perform and work. Instead of a private work area, I want to create a space to showcase their work to the public. It had always just been a dream, but now that I’ve turned 30, I’ve decided to work on it and am in the process of making it a reality. I think it seems fun.

I expected to hear plans like, “I’m going to start exercising”… I was surprised to hear about this big project! (laughs)

It’s not so special (laughs) As I’m working, many opportunities to perform outside the studio, collaborate with other artists and film video content have fallen through due to (the inability to find a) location. Moreover, due to COVID-19, it has become difficult to rent out a studio space or concert hall, which is why I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be useful if I had this space?” It isn’t as if I’m going to stop working anytime soon.

The first music you released after you turned 30 is “Mother Nature (H2O)” with music director Kang Seung-won.

I have been admiring him since I was younger and he’s such a good senior musician that I was eager to work with him someday. However, I didn’t think it would come out as the first completed project of my 30s. It was originally planned to be announced last year. Looking back, I think, in many ways, it was a good thing that this was the first song released this year. It’s different from the music you’ve heard from me so far. I think it will come across as new and fresh.

I think this must have been a meaningful and special song. Especially for IU who has been admiring that musician from the beginning until now.

I want to do well. I kept repeating that to myself. It was my first time working with this director and I wanted to be praised, so I was delighted when I was given as many praises as I had desired.

Even though you have been consistently talking about your age through music, as an actor, you have taken on diverse roles regardless of your age.

When it comes to making music, I am a producer, and it becomes a good source for me to express and leave behind thoughts I had at those moments of my life. However, acting is not a creation of my own. Therefore, in order to be an actor who can play any role, it would be best if I didn’t restrict myself. However, as I have turned 30, I feel it has become a little more challenging.

What kind of character do you think would be the result if you projected “the current me” in its entirety as an actor, just like you do when making music?

When I receive a suggestion like that, the same character with strong tendencies would usually come to mind. Don’t you think it would be a different character if I were to project myself? Basically, (the character) would feign indifference, but try hard to show affection. That’s how people are by nature. There are times here and there when I want to try creating and acting as a character with that kind of image.

This reminds me of your character in director Hirokazu Koreeda’s movie.

I’ve had those thoughts a lot while filming director Koreeda’s “Broker”. I think I acted freely without limiting myself to how “this character should make this expression, or should react this way.” It was really a lot of fun. Rather than suggesting a fixed way (of acting), the director accepted my suggestions and said, “That part hadn’t crossed my mind, but it’s good that you did that”, which is why I had fun acting it out.

There must be as many people looking forward to the future of musician IU and actress Lee Jieun as there are enjoying looking back at your past works. I’m curious as to what perspective you use to look at yourself.

In the past, I definitely lived putting more of an emphasis on my future. At some point, I realised that planning my distant future would restrict my work instead. I think the present is the most important. We will resume the filming of the movie “Dream” soon. We haven’t finished shooting because of Covid-19, but since we are continuing now, I have to find and connect to the point we left off well. That is the biggest worry I have now.

What kind of image do you hope to portray for the next 10 years, in your 30s? Are there any desires that you don’t want to miss out on?

Thanks to my mother’s influence, I do my best to donate to a variety of causes. Recently I’ve been thinking that although it is essential to support the children and the elderly, the blind spot in providing welfare is the youth. As someone who has experienced that age, I have been working with my mother on how to help people in that stage of life in a more specific way. I think just finding out a way to accomplish that would be enough for me to achieve in my 30s and it would be something fun to do. Also, in terms of being an actor, I want to be an actor that the public is willing to invest their time into. It would be good, as an actor, if they take the time to watch every project of mine as soon as it is released. Simultaneously, I’d like to be a musician who makes you as curious as ever. Anyhow, I don’t have any big dreams. When I was in my 20s I worked much harder than I wanted, and achieved a lot. Now, it would be great if my activities appear comfortable to my fans.

Even though you said you didn’t have a big dream, hearing what you want to do, it sounds like you’ll be very busy.

That’s right. Basically, I am the type of person who can’t rest well. Work is the biggest part of my life. Although it would be great if it doesn’t devour me like it did in my 20s.

Have you ever asked yourself the question, “How long will I be able to make music and act?”

I have. Last year I realized my ears won’t always be the same as they usually are and thought, “What if I won’t be able to make the sounds that I want to make?” which is a concern I had. I’m looking for methods now, but I truthfully felt afraid that I won’t always be able to perform in the condition that I am in now. When I think about it, I am not particularly in good shape and am underweight compared to others, but after working as busily as I had, I thought it was inevitable that I strained my body. I realized that in order to work for a long time, I had to take care of my health. No matter what happens, health is the most important. They said I would think like this when I turned 30 and I’m having these thoughts too. I think this must be science. Haha.

You must take your nutritional supplements well. You must eat well too.

That’s what I mean. I don’t eat well because I can’t be bothered. I’ve decided I just have to do it.

Translated by jieunspoetry for IUteamstarcandy