#if anyone at all reads even half of this: you are incredible and have nerves of steel

[fleming-o]

Behind the spotlight - Niamh Charles x Reader

request here

Award show nerves aren’t always the best

angst with comfort

---

The soft hum of the city buzzed just outside the window as you fidgeted with your cufflinks, trying to push down the tension building in the room. Niamh stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the strap of her dress for what had to be the tenth time. Her brow was creased, lips pressed into a thin line, and her usually bright eyes were clouded with something heavier tonight.

"You look stunning, you know?" you said, stepping closer, hands hovering just inches from Niamh’s waist. You didn’t want to touch her yet—not when the air between you felt so fragile.

Niamh’s lips twitched, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. "Thanks."

The flatness of her voice cut through your chest, but you kept quiet, knowing better than to push. Niamh wasn’t usually one to show her insecurities. She was a fighter on and off the pitch, and tonight was supposed to be a celebration of that. But the way she kept glancing at her reflection, adjusting her dress, her earrings, her hair, told a different story.

After a moment of silence, you finally stepped forward, resting a hand gently on Niamh’s back. "You okay?"

Niamh’s shoulders stiffened under your touch, and you instantly regretted asking. "Yeah, I’m fine," she said quickly, too quickly.

"Are you sure?" you pressed gently, not trying to pry but unable to shake the worry.

Niamh sighed, her fingers stilling at her side. She met your eyes in the mirror, her expression hard to read. "I just... I don’t know why I’m even going tonight. It’s not like I’ve had a standout season or anything."

You blinked, taken aback. "What are you talking about? You’ve been incredible this season."

Niamh scoffed, turning away from the mirror and folding her arms across her chest. "Incredible? I barely played for half the season because of my shoulder injury, and when I did, I was hardly at my best. I don’t even know why they invited me."

Your heart ached hearing her speak like that. You stepped in front of her, gently grabbing her hands. "Niamh, you’re being too hard on yourself. You pushed through, you came back stronger, and everyone’s noticed. You deserve to be there as much as anyone else."

Niamh pulled her hands back, looking away. "I don’t feel like I do. It just feels... fake, like I’m playing a part tonight or something. All those cameras, the smiles, the awards. It’s all for people who’ve done so much more this season. Not me."

You felt frustration rising in your chest, not at her but at the situation, at how much she was doubting herself. "You’re not playing a part," you said softly. "You’ve earned this. And it’s okay to feel nervous or unsure, but you can’t let that take away from everything you’ve accomplished."

Niamh shook her head, a humorless laugh escaping her. "You don’t get it. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. I feel like I’m just... there, you know? Filling a spot."

The room went silent, tension thick between you. You knew how much the injury had weighed on Niamh, how hard she’d worked to get back to full fitness, but hearing her like this, so vulnerable, was new. Niamh always hid it so well.

"You’re more than just a spot-filler, Niamh. You’ve fought through so much this season. That means something."

Niamh’s eyes flickered with doubt, maybe frustration, but she stayed quiet, her gaze fixed on the floor, her thoughts clearly heavy.

After a beat of silence, you sighed and stepped back. "Look, I know tonight feels big and overwhelming, but you don’t have to go if you really don’t want to. We can stay home, watch a movie, whatever you need."

Niamh’s head shot up, surprise flickering across her face. "No, I—" She hesitated, her voice softening. "I want to go. I just... I don’t know how to be okay with it."

Your heart squeezed. You stepped forward again, brushing a thumb over her cheek. "Then let me help you. We’ll get through tonight together, okay?"

Niamh’s shoulders sagged slightly, her walls crumbling just a little. She nodded, a small, grateful smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Okay."

---

The awards night was every bit as glamorous and overwhelming as Niamh had expected. Lights flashed from all directions as you walked into the venue, cameras capturing every smile, every step. Niamh’s hand was tight in yours, her fingers cold and stiff. You could feel her pulse racing beneath her skin.

"You’re doing great," you whispered, giving her hand a gentle squeeze as you made your way through the crowd, trying to ease some of the tension radiating off her.

She gave a small nod, but her grip on your hand only tightened.

The night passed in a blur of speeches, applause, and polished smiles. Niamh sat rigidly at your table, her eyes darting around the room, never settling for long. Every time the camera panned across the audience, she straightened up, forcing a smile you could tell wasn’t real. You squeezed her hand under the table, hoping to remind her that you were there, that she wasn’t alone in this.

When Niamh’s name was finally called for an award, you saw the flicker of panic flash across her face. She stood slowly, hesitating just long enough for the applause to feel awkward before making her way to the stage.

You watched her closely as she accepted the award, the way she held it in her hands like it didn’t belong to her, the way her voice wavered just slightly as she gave a brief thank-you speech. Niamh was always a fighter, but tonight, she looked like she was fighting against herself.

When she returned to the table, her smile was brittle, her eyes distant. You leaned in, whispering softly, "I’m so proud of you."

Niamh’s jaw clenched, her fingers trembling slightly as she placed the award on the table. "I don’t deserve this."

Your heart sank. "Yes, you do. You worked so hard to get back here. You deserve every bit of this recognition."

Niamh shook her head, her voice barely above a whisper. "It doesn’t feel like it. I feel like a fraud."

You wanted to argue, to tell her again how wrong she was, but you could see how fragile she was in that moment. Instead, you placed a hand gently on her thigh, grounding her. "You’re not a fraud, Niamh. You’re one of the strongest people I know. And even if you can’t see that right now, I do. I believe in you."

Niamh’s eyes filled with unshed tears, and for a moment, the mask she’d been wearing all night crumbled. She leaned into your touch, her body sagging with the weight of everything she’d been carrying.

"I don’t know how to feel better about this," she admitted quietly, her voice trembling. "I feel so... lost."

Your heart broke for her, but you stayed steady, knowing she needed you to be her anchor. "You don’t have to figure it all out right now. Just take it one step at a time, okay? You’re not alone in this."

Niamh nodded, her grip on your hand tightening again, this time not out of anxiety but out of gratitude. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice raw. "For everything."

You smiled softly, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Always."

---

Later, after the lights had dimmed and the applause had faded, you found yourselves back in your apartment. Niamh sat on the edge of the bed, the award resting on the nightstand, her gaze distant.

"You were amazing tonight," you said gently, sitting beside her. "I hope you know that."

Niamh didn’t respond right away. She stared at the award, her expression conflicted, before finally speaking. "I’m trying to believe it."

You wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. "You will. And until then, I’ll remind you every day."

Niamh rested her head on your shoulder, her body finally relaxing into your embrace. "I love you," she whispered, her voice soft but steady.

You pressed a kiss to her hair, your heart full. "I love you too."

And in that quiet moment, with the weight of the night behind you and the warmth of your love surrounding her, Niamh allowed herself to believe—if only just a little—that maybe, just maybe, she really did deserve it all

---

[blueberry-beanie]

Visiting Munich & Die Anstalt

8th October - 10th October 2023

A very, very long story about my first ever visit to Munich to see my favourite satire show Die Anstalt. Features long walks through the city, museum visits, Schloss Nymphenburg and its huge garden and a tale about being in the show's audience and meeting Claus. Many photos included. Bonus anxiety and Deutsche Bahn content. The text was written while I was still in Munich or on my way home.

Saturday, 7th Oct 2023: Packing and Heart Attacks

To say that I've been looking forward to going to Munich doesn't quite cut it. When I was still in school years ago, I used to joke that I'd move to Munich, just because it was so far away. I've actually never visited or even passed by - until today. And now the city feels just a bit more special because of the reason for my visit: I'm going to be in the live audience of one of my favourite satire shows, Die Anstalt. But that will be tomorrow. Before I can tell anything about today, I should probably mention what was going on yesterday, though.

Yesterday I posted a drawing of one of the hosts of Die Anstalt, Claus von Wagner. I was really nervous about it because I thought it's not good enough or maybe I'm really bothering him. On top of that I wrote quite a heartfelt caption and was anxious about that the whole time. Good thing I finished all important tasks before posting, because afterwards I was too nervous about everything: The drawing, the journey, the unknown city and of course going to the show. I barely started packing my bag and didn't eat for the whole day when I suddenly got a notification about a new message.

Needless to say my heart dropped and I actually didn't know what to do and sat down on the carpet. And yes, he shared my story and cheekily attached a little timer until the next show. I temporarily forgot how selecting emotions works and felt everything at once. N and I then later discussed why there was no like on the actual post (there wasn't one the last time either), when suddenly he also liked the post half an hour after he shared the story. I didn't care that this whole thing had only a handful of notes, he liked it and that's all the joy I needed.

Sunday, 8th Oct 2023: First Time In Munich

Unfortunately I had a bit too many emotions and it all got quite late - so it was difficult for me to actually wake up today morning. It definitely got better when I was greeted by Claus' very dorky "go vote" Instagram post. Later I discovered that he deleted yesterday's story in favour of election day. Hm, interesting. But I guess it's valid considering the important and serious topic of today's election in Hessen and Bayern.

The train journey started with buckets of rain, my new cleaned & repaired backpack and actually no problems at all until I got into the actual train to Munich. It turned out that seating reservations being displayed in the train was optional today. So I tried to be a decent person and just let the happy couple sit on my seat and went to find another seemingly unoccupied seat next to some guy. Unfortunately it later turned out to be occupied - so I had to go and get my own reserved seat. The train was very full so the strategy of sitting down somewhere else didn't work out anymore. I had a rather unfortunate conversation with the woman in my seat and felt quite bad afterwards. On the plus side, I had dug out an one hour long talk about childhood books with Claus yesterday and so I had the best time listening to this in the train. He's very nerdy and lovely and it was so entertaining to hear about his childhood adventures, teachers, hometown and about how he reads books occasionally with a Merkel voice to his daughter.

When the train finally arrived in München Hauptbahnhof it was an odd feeling to step outside. Like it has been a long time coming until I would finally arrive here. My first impression of Munich wasn't the best. The train station looked old and was being renovated. I stepped outside to look for the vegan restaurant I had saved in my plans, only to get lost in a rather spooky part of town and stand in front of closed doors. So I decided since it was already almost 2pm that I could go and check into the hostel nearby. That proved no problem and I relaxed for a bit in a rather nice five-bed room with a window into the inner courtyard. Knowing that it's not that easy to find food in Germany on Sundays, I ate some of the food I brought with me and then set out for a walk.

First I went to the old botanical garden, which was quite small, crowded with a group of cyclists and police with dogs and overall not very nice. Then I saw the first interesting building that turned out to be Landgericht München. From there I walked into the direction of the obelisk of king Ludwig I. I had an one-euro-ticket for the Alte Pinakothek, an art museum, so that's where I went. Somehow they are very strict there. No jacket, no hand bag, wear your bracelet and don't dare coming close to the paintings (which are already protected by glass). So I got stopped by a guard at some point, which has never happened to me before. Oops. But on the plus side I saw some cool art, for example the self portrait of Dürer, some cool Dutch portraiture, Manet, a little bit of Caspar David Friedrich (though Hamburg has a much bigger collection) and even the old friend Canaletto, whose paintings are always so recognisable, was there. Also they had quite some stuff by Rubens, Delacroix and even a few paintings by Van Gogh.

I didn't spend a lot of time there though and started walking into the direction of Odeonsplatz. Partly because there is the garden of the Residenz palace, but also because there has been this huge demonstration on the 4th October where both Max and Claus participated. I thought it would be fun to visit the place that I've seen many photos and videos of. Upon arrival I immediately understood how 35.000 people fit there - it's massive. The gardens nearby were small but beautiful, with a round Diana Temple in the middle. A lovely lady played the violin in there and gave the garden such a peaceful vibe.

Where to go next? I decided to visit the park near the Maximilianeum, where the Bavarian parliament is situated. So I walked past the huge impressive building of the Bayerische Staatskanzlei with it's huge wings of glass. Then I walked past two impressive buildings belonging to the government of Oberbayern and the museum of five continents towards a bridge over the river Isar. Unlike rivers in north Germany this one is very clear, which is probably because its proximity to the mountains the rocky ground.

The Maximilianeum is a big round building just by the river and I felt more and more as if Bavaria is truly its own little country because of all these monumental buildings. The park was very lovely, but I couldn't explore it fully because it was getting late and my feet were starting to protest along with my shoulders. So I turned around to cross the river at the Friedensengel statue and go back into the direction of Odeonsplatz. On my way I passed by more museums and theatres until I arrived at the tiny park behind the Staatskanzlei and crossed the palace garden again.

At the Odeonsplatz I took a turn into the Theatinerstraße. Suddenly there were many people. It's the center of Munich with fancy restaurants, bars and shops. I walked past the famous Frauenkirche and into the direction of Karlsplatz. Looking at all the people eating and drinking outside in the restaurants I realised I had almost no food at the hostel. So I looked for an affordable place where I could get something quickly and ended up eating a bit of noodles with tofu and veggies at the Karlsplatz. From there it was thankfully only a short trip back to the hostel, during which I listened to a voice message from my school friend Christina (the one I visited in Halle two weeks ago) who wished me lots of fun at Die Anstalt tomorrow.

At the hostel I was greeted by the most annoying shower ever (it turns itself off after ten seconds each time) and fell into bed. The other women in the room weren't very talkative and warned me that they'd get up at 4:30am and 6am respectively. Amazing then, I thought, and fell asleep like a stone at around 10pm. That was a good idea, because the night was loud and restless, but I slept through most of it and woke up in the morning refreshed and ready to go.

Monday, 9th Oct 2023: Palaces and Recreation

Today I woke up at around seven and stayed in bed comfortably until my roommates were done with everything. I got myself ready, ate the last of the food I brought with me and headed out to Schloss Nymphenburg via Tram line 17. It was easy to find and the tram took me right to the palace. Now I've seen some cool palaces in Vienna and London, but this one is truly impressive. It's so wide and the road leading up to it has a canal with huge fishes and some ducks. It's a white building with two huge wings, each of them with a clock tower.

Inside it was a bit awkward at first because there weren't many visitors at half past nine on a monday morning, and it felt like there were more security guards than visitors. The very first room is immediately the most breathtaking: a huge hall with the most beautiful ceiling and so many ornaments on the walls. The sense of wonder I felt while looking at all the extravagance was constantly accompanied by uneasiness. The amount of wealth needed to build this exceeds my imagination.

How could anyone live in such a house? How were the people like who lived in such circumstances? How many people had to be exploited to achieve this kind of wealth? I think it's very useful to keep these magnificent places for future generations to enjoy and maybe use for some art and culture but that doesn't mean their existence sits entirely right with me.

The part of the palace that is publicly open is thankfully not as huge as the palace itself. So after a short while I walked out into the gardens. And if the interior was impressive, the accompanying park is what truly made my day. It is so huge that you can forget you are in a city at all. Its size and the forest and field part reminded me a lot of Hampstead Heath in London, but the massive canal with the fountains in the middle is definitely more like the gardens I saw in Vienna, just even bigger.

The fun thing about this park is that it's publicly accessible, so people go on walks in groups or go for a run alone, go birdwatching or take their dog out. If you have a ticket like me though, you are allowed into the smaller buildings in the park. As if the massive main palace wasn't big enough, they also had smaller little summer houses there. The first I visited was inspired by Chinese art and adorned with porcelain tiles.

Then I walked past cascading waterfalls over a bridge to the temple of Apollo, which is set so beautifully at the pond among the trees. Honestly, the whole time I wished I had a horse to ride around in the park since that is clearly what it was meant for. I walked past a beautiful little fountain with a statue of Pan towards the Badenburg. This little house had a huge swimming pool inside that you can look at from a gallery, absolutely insane. I can't imagine how all of this was like when it was still used as it was intended. From there I saw the garden of the little princes with a hut that looks as if it will grow chicken's feet any minute and turn around.

One of the highlights came in the end: The Marstallmuseum with the carriages, sleighs and everything else that belonged to the royal mews, including two taxidermied horses. I've never seen so many carriages of such colossal and eye-wateringly extravagant quality in one place and I'm wondering how anyone would drive around in these at all. The sleighs looked more like pieces of art than vehicles and the saddles and bits were all so ornamented and beautiful. As a horse-girl I'd be scared to ride on one of these. But please send me my fave horsey Püppi for a turn in the park, thank you.

When the visit was over it was already half past twelve and I was starving. So I went back to the center and got lost in the absolute maze of the U-Bahn underneath the central station until I finally found the right one that took me two stations further to a vegan Döner place, where I had some lasagna. A good opportunity to buy some groceries (and getting lost once again, I have a talent) before going back to the hostel because my feet were killing me.

Overall I'm starting to get the appeal of this city. I'm sure there are many beautiful places to visit here. I like it much more than Berlin so far and I think if I stayed longer I'd get to know many more cool areas. Too bad that this doesn't matter much, because Munich is the most expensive German city. It's near impossible to find anything here even if you wanted to. Looking at how adventurous it is to get a place in Berlin or Hamburg already… no. But I'd definitely love to visit more often to get to know the place better. Now I'm resting in the hostel and slowly getting very nervous becaur it's almost Monday evening. The Monday evening of all evenings I've waited for during these last five months. It's time to visit Die Anstalt.

Monday, 9th Oct 2023: Die Anstalt

I didn't get too much rest because at around half past four the levels of anxiety had risen to such amounts that I jumped up and went for a very short and hectic walk. Then it was already time to get myself ready. I hid the three fancy chocolate bars I had brought from my university town in my handbag inside a black piece of fabric. This way nobody would see them when checking my bag. I didn't believe I would have the opportunity to hand out any chocolate to anyone, but I'll be damned not to try. Since I already can't bring cake to the studio. (There is a very old interview with Claus in which he talks about loving all kinds of cake "If there was cake on the table right now I'd be eating it and I wouldn't be talking to you. Where is the cake? Cake!") Then it was time to leave for the U-Bahn line 1. I was so nervous that even hours after everything would hurt from being tensed up. At some point I had to change to Tram line 25 in the direction of Grünwald, where the Bavaria Film Studios are situated. As expected, it's a rather fancy part of town with big houses and neat gardens. When we arrived at the studios, there were some more visitors heading in the same direction and I had a short talk with two people who also didn't quite know where to go. Thankfully the Anstalt team had set up signs with arrows leading us around the entire fenced off area to the very back. There some friendly people greeted us and directed us to the right building - studio six which I already knew the look of from several past episodes.

And we were not alone! Already a crowd had assembled outside the entrance tent. I didn't linger outside, although I saw today's guests, the duo Das Geld liegt auf der Fensterbank, Marie standing there. Instead I went inside to the queue that was very small still. I left my coat at the cloakroom they set up there and now it was time to wait a bit. After a while a big guy with a grey beard, who actually reminded me of someone I've seen at Die Anstalt, humorously asked us who was here for the first time and explained to leave all jackets here because it's warm inside and to use the restrooms now because there are none in the studio. Then he said, "Alright, let me check if Max and Claus are ready and then we can start." Shortly after we had a security check and were let inside.

The studio looked smaller and bigger than on TV at the same time. There were some chairs, but they were all reserved for special guests, as was the 2nd row behind us. So the two couples who queued next to me sat on both of my sides. The woman to my left quickly started a conversation with me about the show and her daughter who studies something like graphic 3D design and about all sorts of things. We figured out that she and her husband had been watching the show for many years and she was surprised I only started this year - and still seemed to know about all the lore. She even remembered the interview of Claus when he went hiking in the mountains with some guy - an interview I know exists but could never listen to because it's no longer online. We got excited about the little details on the set with a living room area, a court room and - of course! - a whiteboard hidden in the left corner. The reserved seats were filled in the last moment by late arrivals and by people from the back - and then it all started.

The following part I translated, because I wrote it down the same evening in German:

Claus was the first to enter the stage before everything started. He appeared to greet us and to raise our mood a bit. He did... not look too amazing - and that was on purpose. Today he was, as the woman next to me said later, a slimy AfD-politician in a bad suit and with a horrible hair style. But he was there and it was really him. It felt surreal to suddenly see him talking and gesturing, making jokes just in front of me. The same voice, the same smile. I was fascinated by the very fact he was suddenly at the same place as me and cursed the TV-cameras that sometimes obscured our view.

He started asking about who came from Munich and who ("that's the more interesting question!") came from the furthest place. Someone actually travelled all the way from Schleswig-Holstein and they got well-deserved applause. Then he started retelling the old joke about Munich being too clean and the Rats visiting the P1 instead. And the story about the parcel shop he already told at the demonstration. Apparently the joke ended with "Please nobody tell him about Deutsche Bahn, or they will want to overthrow the country." Suddenly Max appeared to a lot of applause - because he wore a Greek philosopher costume with a ridiculous wig and beard today and made us guess what it meant. Correct - it was an allegory for Democracy. He also retold his joke from the Demonstration about why not housing refugees in the palaces and private jets of the rich.

They were telling us about how the show would go. There would be two cuts ("Then we have a bit more time to change. We used to be live-live before the pandemic and only had one minute. That was a battle backstage, believe me. And since some of us are already a bit older...", Claus said, leaning on Max and grinning.) Claus also urged us to turn off our phones, not just mute them "but really truly turning them off". Of course I did that, too. And the people in front of the court practiced to get up when the judge would arrive and were praised for their services. In the end they started to introduce the guests. Das Geld liegt auf der Fensterbank, Marie (a duo "The money is on the windowsill, Marie") who had a long dialogue what annoyed him about her (so she can do it more often in the future). They also introduced Judith Richter ("We didn't just invite her because of her name!" Richter meaning judge in German) and Matthias Renger, who was there for the first time. At some point later Max said something about Claus' dance moves being horrible. Of course the dancer in question had to demonstrate a few moves, which was hillarious.

Then they prepared to start filming the episode. Everyone settled in the living room set and Claus held this stereotypical slate for all the cameras ("The director makes me do that every time and it never works out so well... That's unsettling to have all these cameras on me at once") and talked to the director . And then the scene started. Claus played the right wing AfD-politician Maximilian Krah, an absolute asshole. A disgusting guy who keeps hitting on everyone around him and lounges on the sofa like he owns the entire country. And drinks champagne. And hits Max straight into the eye. I really flinched, because the loud hitting sound effect and the sudden motion surprised me. Also that's not something you would ever expect from Claus.

Both of them are great actors. Neither of them read their text from the screens or had a problem remembering something. Claus was being brilliantly horrible in his role. I don't think I've ever seen him act like a complete villain in this way, it was unsettling. During the scene at the court he constantly kept making suggestive comments to the judge and it was sometimes difficult to look at all of this. Please stop talking man, who are you, this is all horrible and I didn't think I'd have to hear such words from your mouth!

Then he played the overtired Robert Habeck, first falling asleep on the sofa and then kneeling on the carpet with toy bricks. Did someone conceptualise this episode just so I'm alternating between staring, laughing and not being able to look at all of this? In the end they even had a whiteboard scene (of which I sadly didn't see much bc of the damn camera being in my way). There were two breaks indeed for poor Max to change his costume. He played Merz in one of the court scenes and it's so funny how he can resemble him and imitate all of his mannerisms and the voice so well. In the longer break they showed an excerpt from 2016 in which the AfD was a rather unpleasant and murderous baby in its crib. In the end they called on the audience to sign an online petition about making the Federal Institutional Court review a legal ban of the AfD. And then the episode was already over: "Das war die Anstalt!"

Claus immediately tried messing up his horrible hairstyle as if he really didn't want to resemble that despicable AfD-politician in the slightest. But that wasn't the end of the story. First they bowed and had to come out two more times because we didn't stop clapping and cheering. And then a few apprehensive minutes passed. Would they come out once more? And there they were, both of them. And Max even walked straight up to us with a determined face. He was looking for friends and family in the second row behind us. He did not care much for anyone else, and it appeared he was somehow looking for his daughter? This is how I got to see Max up close, but not talk to him. Therefore I couldn't give him the chocolate. But over there, on the stage, there was Claus. And I knew I had to go there right now, otherwise he may disappear and I won't sleep in peace for the next few months. So I parted with my seat neighbours and shyly went up to the stage. At first he was talking to a woman and then it was time for him to join the others for a group photo on the sofa. That was a whole show by itself. He sat on the backrest and firstly made funny and happy faces, then tried being serious and in the end attempted his most seductive look. That wasn't enough, because he leaned forward too much at some point that he slipped down onto the seat behind the others. Everyone started laughing as he had to get back up on his feet again. Sometimes he's really like a little kid. Some of the visitors were actually taking photos with their phones and then disappeared. So after the photo most of the audience had already gone.

But as the photo opportunity was over, Claus got up and walked to the left of the stage towards the backstage exit. I was scared that he would disappear in front of my eyes. But a woman came to the rescue and asked him for a photo. I just stood nearby and listened to the conversation about the show and about the AfD. They were discussing whether the courts could really be filled with right-wing judges and they also talked about the ban of NPD not working out years ago.

It was fascinating to listen to this, because of how knowledgeable he is and how he considers several view points in his arguments. About some things he admitted not knowing enough and needing to read about it first. He is a little waterfall, but so smart and thoughtful and also attentive to what the other person says. I was content to watch the conversation unfold in front of me and took in all the little details with his whole behaviour, intonation and gestures all being just as I know them from watching way too many videos. The biggest difference was how he looked like: He seemed smaller, more fragile and very tired. And still he was engaged in the conversation even more than this woman, despite looking like he needed a whole bar of chocolate and at least three days of sleep.

Then the producer made an announcement and asked all of us to be quiet because Max had to repeat a sentence which he somehow didn't say entirely correctly during the show. The three of us stood there together and Claus told us conspirationally "Ah yes, Herr Uthoff forgot his text again... happens all the time. And now this is particularly tricky because he has to repeat it with everyone looking at him." Max confidently repeated the short passage and Claus resumed his conversation with that woman. At some point I also chipped in, despite being really nervous about it. I said something about how satire shows seemingly unite to save our democracy at the moment with the ZDF Magazin Royale just having released two episodes about right wing extremists at the Frankfurt police.

It was really odd to suddenly have him looking me straight into the eyes. What do you mean he sees me and hears me and replies to what I said? Suddenly grammar and vocabulary were very abstract concepts. I have a general difficulty with looking into people's eyes, it is usually very challenging for me, but I really wanted to try. I knew how lucky I was to get to talk to him at all. Eventually the woman left and an older couple approached. The woman asked for a photo, but I offered to take a picture with both of them together with Claus which they gladly accepted and were really happy about it. They did not stay to talk for long and suddenly they also disappeared.

Now it was my turn to say something. I was very glad to have a reason at least. "Excuse me, may I also bother you for a few seconds? I brought something for you if that is ok." He had already kind of turned to go but agreed, "Oh, yes sure." So I got all three chocolate bars from my handbag and gave them to him. He thanked me and I remarked somehow that these are greetings from Sachsen. He was happy that there was some representation from Sachsen and assured me it is still valid, although I'm not actually from there. Then it dawned on him that all three bars are probably not for him and asked to whom else to give them. I said he can decide himself how he wants to distribute them. In response he cheekily hid two of the chocolates behind his back and joked that these will be for him only. I laughed and said that my friend (it was N!) had suggested to give all three of them to him, and he liked that idea very much. During the whole conversation he kept on shuffling them in his hands, a bit as if they were playing cards. Then he said more seriously that they will make up the main stash of sweets in the writers' room when conceptualising the next episode. I told him that I would have brought cake instead of chocolate if that was possible. The reaction to this statement was priceless. In this short moment I could see confusion about why suddenly cake is mentioned, then recognition that yes, it's something he likes indeed and again confusion about whether and how I could know this. He stammered something about "Ah yes, cake... yes, yes indeed", before he told me that Max apparently often brings all sorts of things to the writers room "but sadly not cake". Poor man, I would have brought an entire baking sheet of cake for him.

I asked him afterwards if I may have a photo together and he immediately agreed. So I reached for my phone and realised it was still turned off! "Oh no, sorry! I listened to what you said and turned off my phone!" He laughed and pretended to be incredulous, "Someone listens to what I say?" I don't know what hit me, but I managed to look him in the eyes and reply in the same joking manner "Yes, of course! I always listen to what you say." "And now we have to wait for three long minutes until it finally turns on again," he quipped with a smirk. Some guy who had joined us in the meantime, saw his opportunity and said "Ah well, then I could quickly ask you something in the meantime!" Claus agreed and they started a conversation about whether forbidding the AfD is really the solution to the problem or rather suppressing the causes or making it worse. In the meantime my phone had turned on again and I just listened to their conversation.

Suddenly a woman called Claus in an impatient tone. Fair enough, around us the technicians and helpers were already taking away chairs and diassembling the equipment. Claus shouted back, "Sorry, sorry! We are still talking. It's my fault, I have been talking way too much again!" The conversation somehow shifted to his (right now nonexistent) solo tours and he said that he is in fact planning to do one. I immediately chipped in, "Oh really? I would love you to go on a solo tour, please!" He said that he actually likes being on the theatre stage much more than "down here" but he hasn't managed to write a program because of family, health and because he writes eight shows for Die Anstalt each year ("And I really write a lot for them!"). I reassured him that a solo tour would be amazing and that I would definitely come to see him. He thanked me and remembered that actually many people have said the same and he really plans on making it happen "before 2025".

The guy wanted to to take his leave and Claus already wanted to say bye, too ("Otherwise I will collapse soon"). But I stood there with wide eyes and my phone and panicked a bit and shyly started "Oh, and the-?" And he remembered about the photo, "Ah yes, of course." That guy offered to take the photo but I said no thanks, I'll manage. And then joked a bit about "at least, if my hands aren't shaking too much", which was true, I was really a bit shaky. But Claus immediately replied "Oh no, it's alright. My hands have been shaky earlier, too." I managed to take a photo and thanked him profusely, also for liking my post. I didn't specify which post, but he understood right away and realisation hit him: "Ohhh, so that was you with the drawing?" "Yes, that's me who has recently been bothering you with drawings on Instagram." "Thank you so much for the drawing. It's great! I wish I could draw, too!" And then it was really time for him to go and we said goodbye. I turned around and realised, that I was pretty much the only crazy person left in the studio and quickly went outside to fetch my coat.

On my way back to the hostel I was still so full of adrenaline and my hands were still shaking. Everything was too much for me and I could not calm down until late at night at around 2am. Not only did I witness the show live, but I also had the huge luck to have met Claus. That I got to look him in the eyes and talk to him is more than I expected. And he even got the chocolate! Psst! I don't mind, you can eat all three of them. I won't tell, I promise. I am a bit worried and guilty about keeping him for so long and hope that the poor guy could get a lot of rest and cake and chocolate to recover. He really looked very tired, despite giving his everything for the show and for everyone who came to talk to him afterwards. I wish that I could have given him a big hug, but we are not at an EE concert where you can receive the prescribed eight hugs a day. That has never been a realistical wish anyway, and I know that very well. And it doesn't matter, because I got so much more than I dared to hope for and I am so thankful and happy.

Tuesday, 10th Oct 2023: A Final Day

Today I realised that I started to really like Munich. Maybe because it reminds me a bit of London. Not necessarily the Biergärten, but the impressive buildings, the wide roads and the wonderful parks. After three days I feel sad to leave this city behind. There are many beautiful things about Munich. In the morning I left around ten and made my way to the Münchener Stadtmuseum. First I got to see the beautiful Marienplatz with so many flowers and beautifully ornamented buildings. Then I got sidetracked a little and ended up at the famous Viktualienmarkt instead. It wasn't overcrowded in the morning and I got to eat an original Bavarian Brezel in the shade of a tree. The Viktualienmarkt has permanent stands with loads of different foods, but I also saw a plant shop and some shops selling souvenirs.

Then it was time to visit the museum. For students the entrance fee was very cheap and for the money you can enter all exhibitions, not just the permanent one. I enjoyed the chronological permanent exhibition, though I feel like the later history was missing, as they stopped with the end of second world war. Then there was an exhibition about displaced people after the war - it was just one room though and I found the one with a similar topic in Bremen much more educational. I made the mistake to go upstairs to the exhibition of puppets. That was eerie as hell and I quickly got out of there. The reason I wanted to visit in the first place was a temporary exhibition about the rise of the NS party and their mechanisms of executing power. A very interesting, but also dark and scary exhibition, especially since right wing parties are on the rise again. Parts of the exhibition also overlapped with what we learned last semester in media history.

After that I was quite happy to go outside into the sunshine again. Today was a very sunny and warm day, a perfect ending of a beautiful journey. First I got a smoothie and a banana at an overcrowded supermarket and then I made my way towards the Eisbachwelle, a permanent wave at a bridge in a huge park. Surfers are riding the wave with many spectators watching them. I kept walking to a place called the Monopteros that reminded me of the Apollo temple I'd seen yesterday. From there I had a wonderful view over the park and the city. I discovered afterwards that the Chinese tower was actually in a beer garden (of course) and slowly started to make my way back.

I passed by the house of arts with a certain golden bar and the P1 club that is famous, although not necessarily with a good name to it, just for being posh.

I went back through the palace garden and passed by the Odeonsplatz one last time. Originally I'd wanted to go and get some food right away but then I thought that maybe looking for some clothing without holes would also be a good idea (I didn't find anything, though). The veggie and rice bowl I got was really good, although a bit sour. And now it was already time to get my backpack that I left at the hostel and board the train. As I'm writing this in the train I'm happy because Claus has liked my comment under his promo post for the show airing on TV this evening. Maybe I'll still get to watch it when I come home... Thanks Munich for such a wonderful time, hopefully I'll be back soon!

[cloudysfluffs]

If you’re accepting requests, I’d love to see any tk hcs you have for the pines family! No rush of course!

OF COURSE!!!!! havent written hcs in a while but i bet i can come up with some :3

PINES FAMILY TICKLE HCS UNDER THE CUT!!!! KINK/FETISH BLOGS DON'T TOUCH!!!!! HALF OF THEM ARE MINORS AND ALL OF THEM ARE RELATED!!!!! DONT MAKE IT WEIRD!!!!!

Dipper

definitely the biggest lee in the family i fear. he's canonically ticklish and i just KNOW no one lets him live it down. least of all his sister

his ribs are his main spot!!! BUT also since idk where else to mention this, all of the pines family also have a spot that they share!!! theyre all ticklish on their backs :3

my boyfriend picked his rib spot because he always wears that vest. he thinks itll protect him. it wont

squeaks a LOT, his laugh is very high-pitched. his family/friends like to poke him a lot because of the noises he makes

he is SO embarrassed about it but he actually does like being tickled!!!! but he will NEVER ask for it. ever. luckily mabel has very good insight and can always tell when hes in a mood

out of everyone, surprisingly, he might like sessions from stan the most!! stan isnt QUITE as good at reading him, but dipper has learned that intentionally getting on his nerves is a good way to get wrecked for it (ex: the 'stans tattoo' short? stan nearly tickled him to DEATH for that stunt)

so incredibly paranoid that someone might find out that he likes this. hes definitely the type to search 'tickle scene' on the family computer and FREAK OUT if anyone walks in

generally prefers sessions with people hes really close to/that he knows he can trust and they wont take advantage

Mabel

exact opposite of dipper. the families biggest ler!!!! and she is making it EVERYONES problem!!!!

completely shameless about finding tickling fun ("it's a game for kids!!! we're kids!!! relax!!!!")

if dipper ever starts acting paranoid or 'too-grown-up' she swoops in to the rescue to remind him that its OK to like silly, childish things!!!!

her and stan are a VERY DANGEROUS TEAM. they regularly form alliances to take down the other two twins. and they have yet to lose!!!!

kind of feared the day that dipper would 'grow out of' playing with her. but when ford came home she was a lot less worried, because him and stan never really grew out of it!!!

queen of cheer up tickles. her smile is very contagious

she will make jokes WHILE tickling you, just to be like 'wow, i must be really funny, if you're laughing so much!!' <3

she DOES have a lee side, and she's also completely shameless about that!! she just likes tickling other people more :3

Stan

have you noticed that hes like. almost never in gravity falls tk headcanon posts? unless hes specifically suggested? i have seen so many include dipper, mabel, ford, and just skip over him shjdkhsdfk. i dont understand why, hes got so much potential!!!!

anyway, second biggest ler of the family. and hes really only ranked below mabel because mabel is so SLIPPERY. she cannot be caught unless she WANTS to be. stans a little easier to take off guard

also much more shameless about it. takes literally every opportunity to tease his nephew in particular

i mentioned above that dipper tends to try to get on his nerves to get tickled for it, because stan doesnt seem to pick up on it otherwise. i should add that stan absolutely knows that hes doing that JUST to play with him. he knows dipper isnt just being annoying on purpose. and he respects it!!! because it means dipper is toughening up, and standing up to him!!! even if its for kind of a silly reason. he wont let dipper know he knows, though

hes also been interested in ticklng since he was young. him and ford BOTH were, seperately, and then they found out at the same time and were BOTH like 'YOU TOO??????? I THOUGHT I WAS THE WEIRD ONE'

hes got that boxer training, so if you try and start a fight with him and youre NOT mabel, youre gonna lose. hes REALLY good at pinning lees down

hes got like. one, single exception that he will willingly be lee for. but he will never tell you who it is. ("what are you, a cop?")

ford could, theoretically, beat him in a tk fight.....but he never does. :)

Ford

unpopular opinion i fear, but this man is a LEE!!!!!! my mind will not be changed!!!!!! biggest lee in the family, second only to dipper

"oh but he has six fingers! wouldnt that make him a great ler by default?" of course it would!!!! thats why its SO FUNNY thats he's a lee.

hes got 12 fingers in total. hes been fighting his way through the multiverse for thirty years, so hes TOUGH. muscular, with a lot of training. AND HES A LEE. he has so much potential and hes using NONE of it when it comes to this!!!!! do you guys see the vision

him and dipper bond over being the lees of the family. he has apologized for passing it down to his nephew in the past. meanwhile mabel and stan are chanting 'ALPHA TWIN! ALPHA TWIN!' in the other room

this man could fill journals JUST about the sessions he had in the multiverse

him and stan have been play-fighting since they were children, and he loses almost every single time. mostly because stan is a dirty cheater who will bring tickling into it without fail and thats all it takes for ford to crumble

the only person he was consistently winning tickle fights with, ever, was fiddleford, back when they were partners. AND EVEN THEN he still LOST, all the time!!!! and now he doesnt even stand a chance against mcgucket. much like mabel, he is simply too slippery

my favorite tickly dynamic with ford though is his one with bill. bill thinks tickling is SO entertaining!!! so back in the days of their partnership, sometimes theyd take a break from work just to have a session in the mindscape. LITERALLY fords 'dream sessions'. bill holds this over his head to this day. the chain scene, from weirdmageddon???? he has used that exact method in past sessions

HIS PALMS ARE TICKLISH. adding to the irony that his greatest asset as a ler is what makes him the best lee

[nottswitch]

(five) stages of grief (love)

stage one: denial

so, this is going to be a series with five parts, obviously. heavily inspired by the band voilà and some of their songs. each song has an assigned part and will be revealed at the beginning. you don't have to, but I'd strongly recommend checking them out, as they're not only good songs, but will also elevate your reading experience.

also, since it's a series, I will be doing a taglist, so if you'd like to be added, let me know <3

falling asleep at the wheel by voilà sirius black x reader warning: toxic relationship, gaslighting, emotional abuse, swearing, drinking, mentions of underage drinking. read at your own risk. wc: 3.2k

The two of you were just a couple of young kids suddenly thrust into adulthood.

During the last few months at Hogwarts the thoughts about the future couldn’t escape your mind. It felt strange in a sense, because you remembered planning out your life after school down to the smallest details. You had your mind set on becoming a healer for a long, long while. You studied pretty much every single day, dusk till dawn, dawn till dusk – you had to ace the N.E.W.Ts or else your childhood dream would be crushed by the ruthless claws of the education system. Sirius never got that. He sounded rather nonchalant every time you tried to have a talk about the future, even when it came to the future of you as a couple. He didn’t have any plans, at least as far as you were aware. He brushed off your worries like they were specks of dust on one of his immaculate white shirts (two buttons at the top always undone, three – on special occasions). At some point, you had to give up trying to hammer at least some sense of responsibility into his head (not literally, but sometimes you really wanted to). But you stupidly didn’t, so you had to deal with an actual toddler of a boyfriend on top of your daily stress of the ever-accumulating homework and extra credit tasks you never failed to take.

Sirius was annoyed by your never-ending passion to study as much and as often as you could. He always joked about the fact that he had never spent this much time in the library as he started to when you got together. That much was true: in order to catch mere minutes with you he had to visit the quietest place in Hogwarts rather often – way more often than he would prefer. He wasn’t really joking when he said it though, and you started to catch irritated glances from him from time to time as your relationship progressed. At first, he used to compliment your longing for knowledge, he used to say you looked cute cuddled up with a book on a couch in the common room; as time went by, the number and the poetic value of his compliments had majorly decreased.

Sirius couldn’t help thinking that he didn’t sign up for this, but he didn’t have enough nerve to voice these thoughts. Still, you started having more and more fights. In your mind, you shouldn’t have had any during the so-called “honeymoon phase” of your relationship, but you chucked it all up to simple teenage drama. You thought it was brilliantly self-aware of you, but obviously it didn’t seem like it to Sirius. He hated the fact that he had to scramble for crumbs of your attention and lost the battle against your textbooks more than half the time. He wasn’t used to being sidelined, more so when his opponent was an ancient Herbology volume that looked like it was about to disintegrate in your hands as soon as you breathed on it.

You still had love for each other. It wasn’t puppy love, oh no – your eyes would shoot daggers at anyone who even dared to suggest it. Sirius was also of an incredibly high opinion of that thing between the two of you, calling you “star-crossed lovers” and “the modern version of Romeo and Juliet”. He started using the latter as soon as you made him acquainted with this terribly upsetting love story written by a muggle literary genius, and wouldn’t let it go even after learning that these kids did, in fact, die. He always assured you that you wouldn’t end up like them, that even death couldn’t do you part, and you just knew he was right. You just knew.

“So, what’s next?”

You were standing on the platform, waiting for Hogwarts Express to pick you up and take you away into the likely gray and rainy but still welcoming embrace of London. Your eyes were still glistening in the sun from all the tears you shed during the graduation ceremony. You kept sobbing as you left the school grounds on the same boats that took you there when you were just a small child with a dream. To be honest, you still felt like a child with a dream; suddenly, you weren’t fully ready to take the next step that could take your life in various directions even you, a goody-two-shoes with spreadsheets tracking her exam scores, didn’t have the ability to predict.

“I don’t know, baby. We’ll figure it out.”

Sirius was as laconic as he usually was when it came to these kinds of talks. His hands were wrapped around your waist, bringing you some sense of comfort in front of this huge uncharted wasteland that was the future. You looked up at him, exploring every single feature of his carefree face, completely unbothered by any mighty thinking. You wanted to remember him like that.

“Oh, the lovebirds are at it again, look at them!” James yelled, running up to you hand in hand with Lily. You let out a little laugh, because he seemed to be blissfully unaware of him being a member of the “lovebirds club” as well.

“You ready?” he asked, hugging Lily from behind as they stopped next to you.

“Born ready.”

It was such a Sirius line. You remembered getting annoyed at how he inevitably used it every time you questioned his lack of concern about tomorrow. He was born ready to face anything – McGonagall’s justified wrath when he failed (or, more precisely, didn’t even start) to complete the simplest Transfiguration homework known to man; raging Slytherins after a particularly nasty Quidditch loss; a hangover after getting wasted on very illegal firewhiskey that the guys managed to get at the Hog’s Head and sneak into school. You weren’t born ready, so you felt his words were rather offensive towards your anxious state.

“Where’s Moony? He’s always wandering somewhere; I’m shocked he hadn’t missed a train once!”

Just as Sirius’ words escaped his mouth, someone’s hand landed on his shoulder. Remus was all smiles, running his other hand through his hair to move some stray strands from his face.

“Here, Pads, don’t you worry. Wonder where this little rat is, though. Peter!!!” Remus screamed at the top of his lungs to cover as much ground as possible.

“Coming!” Peter approached your group, slightly out of breath.

You felt like you were in a dream – you know, one of those you wake up from and have to take an extra minute to yourself to come back to Earth; you can’t believe it didn’t happen in real life. That moment at the platform awoke the same exact emotions in you. You had all your friends around you, you should have been over the moon and looking forward to what life had to offer – and somewhere deep inside your mind and soul you were. But you felt your stomach turn all the same, looking back at the glorious castle that towered over the crowd of new graduates even in the distance. For the first time in years, you knew for sure that you wouldn’t be returning there on the 1st of September. But it would be the last time you would cram yourself into the carriage with your closest ones, the last time you would laugh your asses off for the whole Express to hear, the last time you would say your goodbyes on the Platform 9 ¾ and not know when would be the next time you see each other.

“Hey, baby?” Sirius gently nudged your shoulder, drawing your wandering attention. “You seem lost.”

“Can’t believe we’re leaving, is all.”

Your voice was hoarse and quiet, like it didn’t belong to you at all. Sirius pressed his lips against your temple, leaving a trace of lingering warmth. At the moment, he made sure you knew that you were his world and he was yours. The voices of your friends around you were muffled by the soft and fresh cotton blanket of his love.

“We’ll be fine, baby. I promise, we’ll be fine.”

And you wanted to believe him.

The couch in your tiny rented flat was all beaten up and shabby, but as long as it was Sirius whose breath your felt on your skin while you lay on it, it didn’t matter. The whole flat had most definitely seen better days, but it was your home, your first home together, so it already had sentimental value assigned to it. Were you too young at this tender age to live together? Too young to shoulder the responsibilities that the very unforgiving Big World had yet to put on your shoulders? Your parents would enthusiastically agree, but you and Sirius would just roll your eyes in sync and you would add that you weren’t their little baby girl anymore. Then you would soften, because you loved your parents a lot, even when they were insufferable! – and assure them that they could calm down, that you had everything figured out, that you would send them owls at least every three days and visit at least once every two weeks. Your mom would laugh and say that promises were nice, but if you were to succeed in becoming a Healer like you wanted, you would never have time for all that. And you would leave, realizing with stifling regret that she was right.

“Baby, I’m sorry, I have to go,” you whispered into Sirius’ ear. He seemed to have fallen asleep, but as soon as you moved your body to lift yourself up from the couch, his eyes snapped open and he strengthened the hold he had on you. You sighed and pushed yourself against his chest, trying to unglue his tightly locked arms.

“No, Sirius, really, let me go.”

“Why would I?” he wondered, determined, of course, not to let you leave him on the couch all alone. “You’re warm, you’re soft, tonight I slept for two hours… See?”

You closed your eyes for a brief moment, clearing your head without any pressure that Sirius liked inflicting on you with his puppy eyes. Lately you had to deal with them and his pleading far too often. It had only been two weeks since you moved in together, but tension hadn’t left the air since day one, when you couldn’t agree on the chore chart you suggested – as in, Sirius didn’t want to have one at all. He thought it was perfectly fine to leave dirty dishes in the sink, to leave dust to accumulate in layers on every surface imaginable – he was a wizard, after all! He could do it whenever, so why would he spend his precious time that you can’t get back on some measly chores? His attitude drove you insane, but each time you had a fight about it, you had to let it go until another little thing would make you lose your temper. He just. Wasn’t. Cooperating. In anything.

“Sirius, love, my apprenticeship. Why do you always forget?”

“Oh yeah. Sure. Your apprenticeship.”

Sirius loosened his grip and you were able to slip away to finally start getting dressed. His bitter verbal quotation marks were a given whenever he mentioned your new job. As soon as you heard the tone of his voice, you slapped your palms against your face so hard that you could hear the sound faintly ringing in the air, and let out a whistling breath into the gaps between your fingers.

“Again?”

“What? I just said “sure”, is that not allowed anymore?”

Sirius was getting angry. You could tell by way his chest heaved harder than usual and his hands, albeit still resting on his stomach, were clenched together, knuckles so white they could blind the sun itself.

“You know what you said, Sirius. I’m not stupid.”

You didn’t have time to deal with all this nonsense, you would hate to be late to St Mungo’s again. Besides, throughout the whole fortnight you had been living together so far, you started to grow increasingly more anxious and irater whenever you had to mention your newfound venture even in a brief recollection of you day. Sirius would never leave it be, he would always, always do something or say something that hurt you. He didn’t do it maliciously, he told you anytime you took notice of that, he was just reacting, you knew how he felt about you always being away, and blah-blah-blah, and so on… You believed him, you tried really hard to believe him and spent hours on hours on hours persuading yourself that he didn’t mean it, that he loved you and was happy for you.

“Whatever. You can leave. It’s not like I’m locking the door.”

He knew you hated it. He knew how much you despised getting out of the house with a fight between the two of you still looming like the sword of Damocles above your head during the day. He also knew that you would likely forget about the whole deal by the end of it, or at least would try smoothing things over. You hated fighting. But this time he was mistaken – rage you had accrued by that point was burning you up from the inside and you were tired of the endless piles of shit he kept throwing your way.

“You know what, Sirius? You’re a real fucking asshole!”

That was a pretty pathetic insult, you thought, but turned out, it was just enough to get Sirius all riled up. He jumped up from the couch and in seconds he was standing right in front of you, spitting words straight into your face.

“A real fucking asshole?! Come on, baby, who taught you to swear? A fucking child?”

“Yes, it was you, so yes, a fucking child!”

Sirius stepped back, raising his eyebrows sarcastically and bursting out laughing. He was hysterical, by the sounds of it.

“I’m a child? I am a child?! And who are you then, my poor, poor soul? Because throwing me crumbs when your fucking hospital gets the whole three-course meal is real mature!”

And there he was again, shitting all over you like it was small talk.

“Could you ever respect my job?! Is this too much that I’m asking?!”

Your arms hurt from waving them around so much. You wished you could stay calm, as always, you wished you had just left, then came back at the end of the day and everything was alright. But deep down you knew this whole delusional bubble would burst at some point. Sooner was better than later.

“Come on, what job? What job?! 2 galleons a day is a-fucking-lot, isn’t it, love?”

A wave of pure shock nearly knocked you down. Your nose started tingling, signaling the imminent arrival of those pesky motherfuckers called tears. Sirius never talked about money to you, on the contrary, it was always your initiative to go over your budget for the week. He never agreed, because he felt it was too burdensome, and now he was throwing it straight back into your desperate face.

“At least I don’t sit on my ass all day! Your part-time at Fortescue’s is so much better, right?! Why don’t you try the Hog’s Head next?”

You knew you struck a nerve. You couldn’t even deny doing it deliberately, just to show him that it hurt. Sirius never explained his choice of career to you, but he seemed happy enough, so you never let it bother you. But his unwillingness to actually properly discuss it made you think he wasn’t that satisfied. You saw it on his face right after you blurted out your little speech.

“Oh yeah, I do sit on my ass all day, and you know what? Even I earn more than you!”

Sirius wasn’t that easy to break, you knew it, but you hoped that you could maybe just this one time… And you also knew that you brought this storm upon yourself, because when Sirius was angry, he could say anything, literally anything without a care in the world, something he would probably regret later. You could never guess if he actually did, but your heart was desperate to believe so. It didn’t happen often, but whenever it did, it stung like a thousand wasps landed on you at the same time and plunged their stingers deep inside your skin at the same exact spot.

“So, it is about the money?”

You weren’t shouting anymore. Any leftover strength fled your body, so you had to sit back down on the couch, staring at Sirius as he was going blurry in front of you, as if he was already drowning in the upcoming stream of your tears.

“No? If that’s what you’re getting… well, good fucking luck.”

Sirius threw his hands up, as if he was giving up. He leaned on the wall and crossed his arms on his still heavily heaving chest, looking somewhere through the leaking ceiling.

“What is it then?” you asked, almost in a whisper, because you truly did not have it in you to even raise your voice, let alone have a screaming match.

“Really? I fucking love you, that’s what!”

Sirius did have it in him. He tried really hard to ignore your fallen spirit; he felt the need to dump the entirety of his emotional outburst on you, because when else would he do it? Things were already perfectly awful, so nothing had the capacity to make the situation worse.

You wished you had some magical noise-cancelling earmuffs that would drown out his voice. After everything he said (and had been saying before) he had the audacity to tell you that he loved you? Indeed, he did. It was no surprise, unfortunately. All your fights ended up like that – he told you that he loved you, that he was just afraid of losing you, that you were his everything; he begged you to say that you loved him too. He needed to hear it, he cried. And you would always crumble right there with him. You forgave him every. Single. Time. And then he went back to his usual careless self.

“I want to be with you in every possible way, do you understand that? Emotionally, spiritually, or whatever the fuck you call it, and physically.” Sirius took your silence as a go-ahead for him to continue, his voice still raised. “And right now, I can’t have that. And I don’t like it at all, I hate it with a burning passion. Why can’t you see it?” he finished much softer.

You finally let a violent shower of tears leave your eyes. You couldn’t stand crying in front of Sirius – it was a sign he won. But he never let it show. He could finally play the part he knew and loved the most: a wonderful apologetic boyfriend who pulled you into his arms, cradled you like a baby and gave your head thousands of little kisses while you wept into his shoulder. He apologized over and over and you felt guilty for making him do it. Ultimately, he was right. Maybe you were selfish, maybe you didn’t have your priorities straight, maybe you wronged him each and every time you took an extra shift at St Mungo’s to prove yourself as a reliable Trainee Healer. Maybe he did love you more than life itself. Maybe he was your fate, your forever and ever, and you were his.

“We’ll be fine, baby. I promise, we’ll be fine.”

You had already heard these words before. You believed them.

[laundrybiscuits]

Found myself reading some old Inception fic and felt the urge to poke at an AU idea—I know ST fandom skews a little young, so I genuinely don’t know how many people will even get this. If there are Inception primers out there, I haven’t bothered to find them, so…you’re on your own, kids. 

“Absolutely not. I do my own forges.” Eddie sweeps the file off the table and directly into the trashcan; admittedly, it’s not the most mature thing he’s ever done, but Henderson’s getting on his last goddamned nerve. 

The little twerp has the fucking audacity to roll his eyes and groan, like Eddie’s the one being unreasonable. “I know this guy, don’t be a dick. He can do it. Don’t you wanna focus on your super special architect stuff?”

“What you and every other dumbass dilettante drowser don’t seem to grasp is that my architecture is alive, and I breathe life into it via my meticulously crafted characters. I create richly textured worlds, Henderson, and I populate them myself. That’s why I’m the best in the fucking business: because I understand that the people and the setting are one and the same, and I can handle both.”

“Eddie.” Henderson crouches to grab the file out of the trash, and smacks it back down on the table. “I’m running this team, and I’m saying I don’t want anything like what happened in Munich to ever happen again. Okay?”

“Low blow, kid,” snaps Eddie. “Munich wasn’t on me.” 

“I know, jeez. I just…” Henderson takes a second to tap the loose sheets in the file back into place, then stands there with his lips pressed together like he’s keeping something in. After a moment, he just says, “This isn’t going to be Munich. Because Steve’s going to be here.”

———

It’s not Munich. It’s not Munich at all. It is the furthest fucking thing from Munich possible. 

Eddie’s never had a job go that smoothly—and it’s not down to Henderson’s obsessive prep, because it should’ve been a slippery one. The kind of job that twisted partway through into something frustratingly unexpected, forcing them to improvise and take whatever half-win they could squeeze out of the mark’s subconscious while dodging completely unexpected security. 

Instead, it’s so incredibly not-Munich that the client gives them a fucking bonus, and when was the last time that happened? The bonus is generous enough that Eddie’s share can cover a whole new safehouse in Melbourne, which should have been great news, something to celebrate, except for the absolutely unholy amount of smugness now radiating from Henderson.

Eddie avoids the I-told-you-so conversation as long as he can, but he can’t run forever.

“I told you so,” says Henderson, flopping unceremoniously into the dark wooden chair next to Eddie.

“This is a library, dude. Keep your fuckin’ voice down,” says Eddie, without much hope. He’d heard Henderson was supposed to be meeting up with Sinclair in Lima this week; so much for that intel.

Henderson waves a dismissive hand, gesturing vaguely at the domed skylight high overhead. “It’s not like a library library. It’s basically a museum.”

“The goddamn State Library of Victoria is absolutely one hundred percent a library library, genius. See all the books? But also, do you think people go around yelling in museums?”

“Maybe they should! What we should be focusing on now, though, is that I was right about Steve, and I think it’s important for our working relationship that you acknowledge I was right.”

“I don’t have to acknowledge shit,” says Eddie, slumping down and ignoring the glares they’re starting to get from everyone in the atrium. “Anyone ever tell you you’re an egomaniac, kid? I don’t even get why you’re so hot on the guy, anyway. He’s like—the least imaginative forger I’ve ever met.”

It comes out a little harsher than he’d meant it. It’s just that forgers, as a people, tend to be easily swept into flights of fancy.

Eddie’s always sort of thought it was a requirement of the profession: when he’s inhabiting a character, part of his mind is always working to generate the little details that make them feel like a whole person. Their secret fears and even more secret hopes. How they deal with boredom or anger, what their gut reactions are. The small gaps between how they see themselves and how others see them. That’s where Eddie thrives, and he thinks that if he were less hooked on the magic of spinning up entire worlds for marks to wander through, he might forge full-time, just for the thrill of riding that uncertainty. It’s how he was taught, but clearly, Steve learned something different.

What Steve does isn’t really classical forging—not in the way Eddie thinks about it, usually. Steve just…walks into a situation, says some stuff, maybe gives the mark a smile all warm and private like a whispered secret. And then the mark folds. It’s maddening how easy Steve makes it look. Oh, he’ll pull on the right costumes and tweak his physicality a little, but it’s always still just Steve underneath. 

Maybe that’s the trick. Eddie’s forges work because he crafts lavishly detailed lies; Steve’s forges work because there’s some kind of real, solid honesty at the core. 

“I’m going to ignore the hurtful thing you just said because I know you hate to admit it when I’m right and you’re wrong,” Henderson informs him. “You really gotta work on that. More importantly, I’ve got a lead on a new job, and Steve already said yes.”

It’s not like Eddie needs the money. Henderson’s a nightmare to work with. And there’s the, y’know. The Steve Harrington of it all. Eddie has a million reasons to say no.

“Yeah, whatever,” he says instead. “When do we start?”

[tcwmatchmakingau]

Third Time’s the Charm

Captain Rex x Gen!Reader One-Shot

Summary: The war is over, and the Republic has won. Rex signed up for a matchmaking service and you’re meeting for a third date. Basically just Rex fluff and him being nervous and awkward lol.

Rating/Warnings: SFW with kissing, making out, slight suggestiveness.

Word count: 1800-2000ish

Author’s Note: This is a two in one, baby! Not only is it a submission the the Clone Matchmaking AU @tcwmatchmakingau (pls read the other fics that have been submitted!) but also a prompt from @freesia-writes ! The prompt: “kiss me again, but- mphh" from the kissing prompts list. Idk how I feel about this one but I gotta get it out of my drafts.

Please enjoy and reblogs/comments are always appreciated. I just want to kiss Rex, okay? 💕

Rex was pacing, his nerves almost completely shot. He checked the time every few seconds, subtly breathing into his palm to make sure his breath didn’t stink. He smoothed out his civvies, hoping they weren’t too wrinkly.

Shockingly to Rex, you had agreed to meet for a third date.

He was excited, yes. But also incredibly nervous.

Rex liked you.

A lot.

Rex never thought he’d get this far.

He didn’t know what to expect when he reluctantly accepted the first date match from Right to Love Matchmaking Service.

Rex had heard about it from some of his brothers but wasn’t sure it was for him.

Who would want a washed-up soldier? He also knew nothing about dating. Sure, he’s had a few quick flings and stolen kisses in the back of 79s when he was a cadet. But now, the thought of putting himself out there, looking for something serious while having strangers match him with another stranger… sounded like a recipe for disaster.

On the other hand, now that the war was over, companionship did sound nice. And a few of his brothers have had success with the service…

He continuously tossed around the idea, a few times half-filling out the Holonet application before deleting it, the fear of the unknown getting the best of him.

Rex even walked by the building once, Right to Love flashing in neon lights, almost stepping inside before his nerves sent him in the other direction.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, when Fives and Echo invited him to a “boy's night out” for drinks, that he was convinced.

Or more like the alcohol did the convincing for him.

One drink turned into two, then three, and somehow the conversation switched to the matchmaking service.

Both Fives and Echo had girlfriends now, having met through Right to Love.

Rex has met them a few times, and they did seem like good partners, and Fives and Echo were happier than he’d ever seen them.

He was proud of them for moving on from the war and finding happiness. Rex couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy sometimes, wondering if he’ll ever get to experience that, too.

Rex mentioned how he’s been thinking about signing up for Right to Love, and that’s how they persuaded him to fill out the digital application right there with them at the bar.

“Aw c’mon Rex!” Fives clapped Rex’s shoulder. “You should try it out. Anyone is lucky to have you!”

Fives took a large swig of beer, slammed it down, and pulled out his datapad.

“The application is easy. I don’t know how they do it, but they work some kind of magic. My girl is perfect, the woman of my dreams. I don’t think I would have ever found someone like her without them!” Fives shoved his datapad over to Rex, wiggling his eyebrows. “You don’t even have to go in person. Let us help you, vod!”

A few more sips of liquid courage later, Rex was pressing submit on his application while Fives and Echo cheered him on.

The rowdy night continued, and Rex quickly forgot all about it.

Rex didn’t remember he followed through until the next morning when a notification chimed on his terminal.

He woke from his deep sleep, still recovering from the night before, reading the message with blurry eyes and a headache.

Dear Rex,

Thank you for choosing Right to Love Matchmaking Service, where everyone deserves the right to companionship!

We have received your application and are processing your submission.

A matchmaking representative will be reaching out to you shortly. Have a wonderful day!

Rex’s brain almost short-circuited, the hazy memory of Fives and Echo helping him fill out the form coming back to him.

Those kriffing di’kuts!

Rex panicked momentarily, not sure if he was ready for this. But he thought of how happy his brothers were, and maybe it was finally time for him to step out of his comfort zone.

Rex commanded battalions alongside Jedi in life-or-death situations, and yet here he was, afraid to go on one singular date.

To Rex’s surprise, the whole process was easier than expected. The representative that reached out to him was nice, eased some of his worries, and answered all the questions he had. At the end of the conversation, the representative said they already had a match for him.

You.

To his even greater surprise, your first date went fine.

Fantastic, even.

Rex was an anxious mess leading up to meeting you in person, but you were kind, patient, compassionate, everything he would want in a partner.

It was almost like this matchmaking service did its job.

The next morning after your first date, you comm’d him asking to meet again, saying you had a good time.

Rex responded immediately with a resounding yes, hoping he wasn’t coming off as too desperate.

Your second date was even better than the first, learning more about one another, and you talked for hours.

You both hadn’t realized how late it had gotten and completely lost track of time. The restaurant you met at for lunch was now finishing up the dinner rush, you two the last ones in the eatery.

Rex walked you back to your apartment, and you hugged him as you said good night.

Maker, he couldn’t stop thinking about the hug. How warm and soft you felt against him. How he could smell the faint floral aroma of your shampoo. How your eyes shined as you whispered good night. He couldn’t stop thinking about you, Rex was completely smitten.

He was feeling the pressure now, waiting for you to meet him in front of the Coruscant Botanical Gardens where you planned to meet for your date.

Rex was low-key fretting about what came next. Another hug? Maybe holding your hand? A kiss?

Rex swallowed thickly.

He wanted to take things slow and didn’t want you to feel pressured into anything.

If a quick hug from you made him feel this good, he couldn’t even imagine what a kiss would be like.

He could feel his palms begin to sweat. Before he could spiral anymore, he heard his name.

You were walking toward him, a large smile on your face.

“Hey, Rex!” You waved, stepping up to him. You stopped, hesitating for a moment. Little did Rex know, you were having the same thoughts. Maker, he’s so handsome, I want to kiss him! I hope he wasn’t weirded out by the hug from a few nights ago…but he agreed to meet me again so I guess I didn’t scare him off…

“I’ve lived on Coruscant my whole life, and never been to the gardens. Funny how that happens sometimes.” You laughed.

Rex nodded stiffly.

“I’ve never been here, either. But I’m glad we can experience it for the first time together.”

You blushed at his words, Rex’s ears feeling hot at his admission.

You smiled again. “Me too, Rex. Shall we?”

The gardens were huge and seemingly endless, growing flora from hundreds of planets. Rex was able to point out some, recognizing them from the war. He was well-traveled because of it.

You enjoyed hearing him speak of his past, his brothers, and the sometimes downright insane feats he was involved with during the war.

Your conversation was always easy, like you’ve known one another for years. You couldn’t believe how perfect he was and how comfortable you felt around him.

Was it too good to be true, though?

You wandered for a while, keeping up conversation. You eventually sat on a bench in a massive greenhouse, admiring the lush greenery around you.

You were silent for a few moments, Rex wondering if this was his chance.

He wanted to kiss you. He was going to ask you. He was a soldier, no, a Captain, dammit! He should have the courage to do this!

Rex took in a breath, knowing he had to get over his anxiety and just take the leap. It was now or never.

You heard Rex’s inhale and you felt worry stir in your gut. Here we go, he’s going to tell me he doesn’t want to meet again. The classic “it has been really fun but…”

“I’ve…enjoyed our dates.” Rex turned to you. “And I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. So, thank you.”

You raised your eyebrows, meeting his gaze, surprised at his comment.

“Rex, you don’t have to thank me. I’ve been enjoying them too. I like you a lot.” You fidgeted a little, blushing. Maybe I didn’t screw things up!

You took your own breath, continuing.

“I didn’t know what to expect when I signed up for the dating service…I went on some bad dates a while back and was kind of fed up with it all, you know? But I’m glad I took the chance on you.”

Rex felt some confidence rush through his veins. “Really?” He asked.

“You’re easy to talk to, kind, a good listener. Not to mention a complete gentlemen. It’s hard to find that.” Your cheeks were hot at your own words, suddenly too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

“I like you a lot, too.” Rex’s voice was low, and you felt something brush against your hand on the bench, looking down, and saw Rex’s hand barely touching yours.

You moved your hand closer, and Rex took your hand in his. You thought your heart might leap straight out of your chest. His hand was calloused, yet warm. Comforting.

“You’re brilliant, remarkable. Not to mention the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. I…I’m so happy I met you.”

“Oh, Rex…you mean that?” You’ve never had a man say those words to you with such sincerity.

“More than anything in my life. Can…can I ask you something?” Rex was almost whispering. You nodded, eyes wide, wondering what he wanted to say next.

“Can I kiss you?” Rex was gazing right at you, his heart pounding in his ears.

Warmth blossomed in your chest, entwining your fingers with his. You couldn’t keep the grin from spreading on your face, and Rex saw how your features lit up like the Tattooine suns.

“Yes…Rex. I thought you’d never ask.”

Rex could see the colors of the bright flowers that surrounded you in your eyes as he leaned toward you.

Rex stopped centimeters from your lips, bringing his free hand to tenderly cup the side of your face. Your breath hitched at the gentle gesture, your eyes fluttering closed in bliss as he shyly brushed his lips against yours.

For Rex, the world melted away. Did he die and go to heaven? Because that’s how he felt when your hand moved to his shoulder, your unbelievably soft lips pressing back into his in a chaste kiss.

All of his anxieties dissipated, forgetting why was so nervous about this date in the first place, all he could think about was you and how lucky he was in this moment.

You pulled away after what could have been hours, your eyes hooded, looking up at him, smiling, realizing you were still holding hands.

“Rex…” The way his name fell from your lips, husky and almost sensual, ignited a fire in him. He wanted to hear it again and again.

Rex released his hand from yours, bringing it to your other cheek, cradling your head with both his hands now with such reverence you thought you might faint.

“Was…was that ok?” He murmured, wanting more, but didn’t want to push your boundaries in any way.

“Yes…kiss me again, Rex. Pleas-mph!” Rex quickly slid his mouth against yours, still cradling your head as your arms wrapped around him, your words cut short by his lips.

The kiss was deep, passionate, just like him. You sighed against his mouth, Rex using the opportunity to sweetly lick your bottom lip, politely asking for entrance.

You eagerly obliged, excited by his newfound confidence. His tongue entered your mouth, eliciting another satisfied sigh from you and a groan from Rex. Your body to trembled against his in fervor, feeling his muscles flex under your hands.

Your lungs began to burn, needing oxygen but not wanting this kiss to end.

Your mouths moved as one, gripping one another like you were the last two people in the Galaxy.

You let out a small whine as Rex pulled away, both your lips swollen from the intensity, your faces flushed and your bodies on fire.

“Wow…” was all you could mutter, as Rex’s hands fell from your flushed face. “That was…”

“Incredible?” He mumbled. You nodded in agreement, leaning into him. Rex wrapped his arm around you, still seated on the bench.

“I’ve been wanting to do this since we first met,” Rex admitted, his thumb slowly caressing your arm.

You were quickly turning into mush seeing this new, romantic side of Rex emerge.

“Me too.” You couldn’t help but giggle, giddy at what had just taken place.

Rex brought you into him, embracing you in a hug, silently thanking his brothers for making him take the plunge and sign up for this dating service.

“I think we’ve seen enough plants for one day. Want to come back to my place?” You asked, nuzzling against his chest. “We could make dinner and watch a Holomovie?”

“I’d love to,” Rex answered as you looked up at him. “I’d really love to.” Rex hasn’t been sure about much since the war ended, trying to find purpose and meaning in a new Galaxy.

He was sure about one thing now, and it was you.

Taglist: @pb-jellybeans @dukeoftheblackstar @king-chaos-world @523rdrebel @wanderer-six @the-cantina

[dollwritesarchive]

𝓌𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝓂𝑒 𝒸𝓇𝓊𝓂𝒷𝓁𝑒 ⎹ 𝓛.𝓐.

❝ ғᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ⤻ attack on titan / kinktober 2022 / @dollsanime-library

❝ ғᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs ⤻ levi ackerman x scout!reader ( f! )

❝ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ ⤻ nsfw! none of my writings are meant for anyone under the age of 18, and any minors interacting will be blocked on site.

❝ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs ⤻ literally all smut, masturbation ( him ), handjob, oral sex, facial

❝ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ⤻ 2.4k / mini musing

❝ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴇ ⤻ i do not consent to having my work reposted / translated / stolen in any capacity for any reason. please reblog and leave a comment to support content creators! my work is very rarely proof read so mistakes may be present. all characters / pairings i write for are 18+ with no exceptions.

you weren’t supposed to see this.

just turn around, go back to bed, and pretend you didn’t see your captain touching himself.

the words kept repeating themselves in your mind, over and over, but your legs refused to move— your feet refused to carry you away from the cracked door you hid behind, and your eyes refused to look away.

if he catches you watching him, there’ll be hell to pay. but even that, the probability of your notoriously calloused captain doling out a punishment so wicked that you would rather be eaten by a titan, was not enough to spur you to stop watching when Levi moaned. thin brows knit tight together, he was leaned against the wall, his uniform trousers shoved down around his thighs, the hem of his shirt bunched up and clenched in his teeth, and even in the pale moonlight, you can make out each and every pad of strong muscle underneath his ivory skin as it contracts when he breathes, or when his hips jut forward to meet his furious pumping. his eyes are closed, but his countenance isn’t soft— it’s contorted in pleasure, and there’s a rosy tint to his cheeks. “Fuck.” he hisses against his teeth, and your face is aflame.

he must have thought that he was the only one awake.

clenching your thighs in a feeble attempt to ease the tension building in your lower half, your eyes are wide and unblinking. they scour every inch of him as if he were placed on display just for you. his fist gliding up and down, kissing his base briefly only to careen upwards and massage the swollen tip. he’s thicker than you expected, nested in a bed of thick, dark hair and etched in bulging veins. you drink in the visage— every throbbing inch, up to the reddened, plump head. he was gorgeous. sinfully so.

your own fingertips gripped the door when his thumb ran over his slit and his head dropped back against the wall with a snort of air through his flared nostrils. you had to wonder if he was always so rough with himself, fucking his own hand at a velocity that made you dizzy ( and incredibly jealous of his palm ). the brutal self treatment seemingly stemmed from a habit of needing to finish quick, and you could imagine he’s very rarely able to savor it. you’re suddenly longing to give him all the slow, skillful worship he deserves, with your tongue sliding over your lower lip, you imagine the way he might taste upon it, and your core soaks through.

another muffled groan, and this time your fingers twitch— wanting desperately to delve into your panties and tease yourself to his rapid pace. it was so, so wrong. you knew that, but you rub your thighs together to ease the nerves between them and bite down hard on your lip.

he was driving you mad without even touching you.

you could watch his hips work, rocking to a quick, consistent rhythm, fucking his fist, all night long. if only you hadn’t forgotten you were leaning against an old, wooden door, that moaned when you pressed yourself into it harder to get a closer look, and his eyes opened, sharp, and cut to the doorway.

you were made before you even fully registered that you’d given yourself away.

“Spying on me, cadet?” he asks, his voice still thick with lust. you hadn’t even noticed his shirt was no longer gripped between his lips, but hanging in a wrinkled slump against his solid abdomen.

“No!” you answered, maybe a bit too quickly, stumbling against the door, but you grip it tight, hoping to use it as a barrier between you and a very angry Levi. “I mean… I mean no, sir, captain.. Levi… sir…”

his expression doesn’t change. “Don’t lie to me again.” he warns, “Were you watching me?”

your cheeks were on fire, and you so desperately wanted to look away, but Levi hadn’t bothered to pull his pants back into place, or even cover his manhood. instead, he kept his grip at the base. you nod, bashful, and stutter, “I’m so— so sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have, and I didn’t mean to, I just heard something so I came to make sure you were ok—“

“Did you like it?”

your mouth hangs open, unsure if you’d heard him correctly. surely, you hadn’t. surely, he hadn’t asked that. “W—what?”

your eyes were glued to his cock, and you watched his thumb slowly, gingerly caress a pesky vein near the head.

“Watching me.” he elaborated, his countenance expressionless, eyes as cold as ever, but they were glaring right through you. expecting an answer. “Did you like it?”

“I…” you’re hopelessly distracted by the gentle stroke of his thumb, and the way he twitched with each swipe. “Y—yes, sir…” it was hardly a whisper, but you were much too humiliated to speak any louder. finally, you force your gaze to avert, and you stare at your bare feet and shaking knees. “I’m so sorry, I won’t… I never meant to—“

“Are you going to stand all the way over there while I finish or are you going to get in here and help me with this?” he was asking through his teeth, teasing the sensitive head with his thumb like you’d watched him do only moments before, and your stomach did a cartwheel— knots bundling up within your gut. your eyes flicker upwards, nervous to see if he was just testing you, but he was leaned back again, shoulders resting against the wall, and his fist curled tight around his base and dragged upwards, stroking himself hard and slow. when he sees the perplexity plastered on your features, he answers for you. “Come in and close the door.”

it was almost impressive how swiftly your feet carried you into the room, and you push yourself back against the door until you heard a low whine and a solid thunk, but you were still just staring, wide eyed, at the scene before you. this was a dream. it had to be.

“Come over here.” he murmurs, sucking in a breath. his lids looked heavier than normal, his pupils blown out so his slate gems appeared abysmal. you do as instructed, and stop just a few inches in front of him. you open your mouth to speak, but he beats you to it. “On your knees for me.”

“Yes sir.” if you would’ve dropped any faster, you might’ve hurt yourself. your knees find the hard, dirty floor and plant themselves against it. you stare up at him, your view of his face obstructed by his cock standing at attention, demanding to be taken care of. you’re completely entranced by it, both hands coming up, more than willing to take over for his, and he lets you, eliciting a soft sigh when you wrap them around his base.

you stroke slow at first, both fists working at the same pace in opposite directions over the slick, pulsating muscle. and you wanted to watch his face because you could hear him huffing and puffing like a starved animal, but you couldn’t take your eyes off the cock in your hands. you could feel it throbbing under your fingertips, you could see the tip leaking precum in lazy dribbles, and when you gave the swollen tip special attention with teasing, butterfly strokes with your digit tips, he jerked and squirmed. “Like this, captain?” you ask, but your eyes never leave his sex, your tongue flicking impatiently at the seal of your lips. you kept leaning closer, inhaling the rawest scent of him, and with each intake of his smell, you grew more and more tempted to gather the warm pre cum with your tongue just to know what it tasted like.

Levi’s jaw was practically sewn together, grinding, and he stares down the length of his torso at you. “Just like that.” he moaned in approval, and your pace picked up, boasting an inflated ego. you could tell by the way he twitched and squirmed that he was right on the edge. “Fuck, just like that.” you thought about asking him how often he did this, had his underlings get him off, but you could tell this wasn’t the usual. if he had been in this position at all before now, it would’ve shocked you. Levi Ackerman was a man that took care of himself, and you knew that by how sensitive he was to your touch— he wasn’t accustomed to anyone else.

but he caught you staring; he must’ve seen the hungry look in your eyes, or the way you licked your lips, because he shifted, one hand dropping to hold your chin, urging you to meet his hazy gaze. “You want to suck it, don’t you?” he asked, and the husk in his baritone struck straight to your core. there was a very obvious damp patch in your panties, threatening to soak through your trousers, but even your quivering cunt was not enough of a distraction to take one ounce of concentration from pleasing your superior.

you nod, practically pleading with a puppy dog pout alone. “Can I… please, sir? Please let me suck your cock. I need to taste you.”

you could watch how his muscles tightened, teeth grinding when you begged. a hardly audible groan dies on his tongue, and his thumb eases between the seal of your couplet and urges it open, before he nods. “Open up, cadet.” you do as instructed, allowing his calloused fingers to prod inside your mouth and test your gag reflex, whilst you put both arms behind your back. your tongue hangs out of your mouth, dribbling saliva, but it isn’t long before his thumb and forefinger, now wet, grip your jaw to line himself up with your mouth.

the very moment his cock touched your tastebuds, your eyelids flutter in content— Levi’s taste was so damn addictive. with a slow rock of his hips, he nests in your cavern, and the first couple of inches glide in easily. your lips stretch around his thickness, and you moan. you’d never felt such carnal pleasure simply from sucking cock before now.

“Huh…” it’s a stuttered, raspy moan you never thought you’d ever hear from Humanity’s Strongest, and your eyes widen, staring up at him. “That’s it,” he hisses, falling into a steady rhythm that you were all too eager to lean into and meet. “‘S good…” bobbing your head to welcome as much as him as you could take without gagging, you wiggle the tongue pinned to the floor of your mouth against his most prominent vein, and you watch his head drop back again as he grunts in ecstasy. his hands blindly find the top of your head, and both rest there, guiding you into his quick tempo.

Levi’s pace was a difficult one to keep up with, and you found yourself whimpering and clucking every time his broad tip battered the back of your throat, but you noticed that he never once pushed you down— never forced you to take more than what you were willing to, and his hold was gentle enough that you felt like you could pull away if you needed to.

but you wouldn’t dare.

not until you were satiated.

when his cock twitched against your tongue, and he hummed, “I’m ready,” it was breathless and needy, but he was petting the top of your head, pumping himself into your mouth, “how do you want it?”

reluctantly, you lean back, letting his cock slip from your swollen lips with a vulgar pop, but your hands are back on him in a fraction of a second, pumping fervently, and you lean close, swirling your tongue around the tip as you pant, and look up at him, “Cum on my face, captain.” you urge, squeezing him. he moans, hips stuttering, “Paint me… Claim me—“

Levi grabs your face again, whilst the other grips himself at the base and he comes apart, letting you milk the orgasm out of him until streamers of his release hit your chin first, then your lips, and your cheeks. you squint to avoid getting any in your eyes, but you’re smiling, elated to be given exactly what you asked for, and your tongue scoops some of the warmth from your lips and draws it into your mouth. you moan in utter delight, and only let go of him when he pries your hands off and steps back, breathing ragged, but you can’t be too upset, you’re savoring all he’s given you.

“Thank you, captain.” you purr, sitting back on your calves. your knees were much too weak to try and stand up right now and you knew that. “Should I—“

“Get cleaned up and get some rest, cadet.” Levi said, and you were amazed at how steady his voice was; his breathing had already evened out. “We only have a few hours left before we have to move out.”

you pout, mildly disappointed, but nibble on your lip, and wait until he looks back at you with an arched brow.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I can’t sleep in here with you?”

his expression changed, for a split second Levi Ackerman looked surprised, then he scoffed. “Cute, but no.” you’re forcing yourself to your feet, using your finger to guide the rest of his essence into your mouth, and he’s watching, dressing himself, before he looks away and mutters, “But… maybe you can sneak away from the squad every now and then.” he could see your eyes light up even in the dim glow of the dusky room, and he added quick. “Don’t make it a habit.”

you beamed as you skipped over to the door, determined to do the exact opposite.

[celaenaeiln]

I always love how heros only kill if there really is no other options. Even then, their deeply disturbed or torn up about it. Killing is easy. But seeing a criminal as a person at the end of the day is much harder. It takes an unfathomable amount of strength to keep this going. It won't always work and it's not easy. But there's a difference between right and easy.

Oh me too!!

Anon you have no idea how much I’ve thought about this over the past five years and come to the same conclusion every time.

There are two reasons why I like that heroes only kill as an extreme necessity.

The first is what you said. It's extremely difficult to be able to control yourself in the face of repulsiveness. Some I do believe are irredeemable but many characters are not worth killing. Because there's a lot that goes into killing. It's not just about moral ethics for me, it's also about how that impacts society. I don't know if you've seen the show "The Boys", but it's about heroes who kill. Originally they kill criminals but at some point their anger and frustration bleeds over and they start killing innocents. The repercussions on society were massive. There was a significant loss of trust and hatred and fear going on. Ordinary people like the main character and the rebel side were dragged into a world and fighting that perpetuated fear and bloodshed until everything became irreversible. It's a terrifying world I would absolutely not want to live in. In the previously posted comic Batman says:

He's not saying this lightly. In a world where killing criminals is done and seen as common place by the people, what's stopping the people from following their hero's actions? Nothing is ever contained on the internet and nothing is ever done in moderation. It's like watching your favorite superhero blast a bad guy's head off on TV and turning around to seeing your mom blast your dad's head off with a gun over an argument about going to the movies. The violence is commonplace, after all. It takes an incredible amount of willpower, far more than anyone gives credit for, to look at someone who hurt you and walk away.

The canon version of this argument and why Bruce should never kill the Joker is proved in the comic, "The Batman Who Laughs." I was terrified for Damian when he encountered that universe.

The second reason I love the no-killing rule- and it's a little more twisted- is because I love self-control.

Not just as a person who tries to practice it in their life but there’s just something so exciting about a character who fights with control.

Having someone run free is super fun to read but having someone who never breaks the line, edge so dangerously close to it, but never kill? Oh the feeling is delicious. You're left pondering-what is it? What will it take? What will cause you to break?

Ironic. I know. But you can't tell me you were never curious about their limits.

Aside from that excitement, I love how the villains are reusable. They may be your worst enemy on a tuesday but on a thursday they're dragging your broken body out of a ditch to go fight the bad guy who got on their nerves.

It's like the idiom- better the devil you know than the devil you don't. Sometimes, no matter how horrible their actions were in the past, they're keeping a larger threat at bay. For example Blockbuster and Heartless. Bane, William Cobb, Lex Luthor, Freeze, Black Manta, and Sinestro in Forever Evil. The Riddler. And when Bruce was dead/lost in time the Joker was straight up like "damn bro I'm so sad I think I'm gonna turn good" which actually sort of saved all of Gotham from that bat cult that nearly killed them. Sort of. He bailed halfway but props to him for the first half.

Also the villains in the comics are terrible people but they're good characters. Like these characters are so well-developed. You'll hate them but you'll never fully hate them because they're funny and mean and deep down, you'll never admit it but they have a small teeny, tiny point.

A couple of my favorite villain scenes:

The Riddler (Batman #699)

Joker (Batman and Robin #22)

Joker

Victor Zsaz in his undies swearing revenge on another villain. Damian and Dick in the photo

Dick bashing up Slade in Damian's body

Damian, Harvey, and Dick

[sequinsmile-x]

I love your family fics... A happy marriage, happy kids, unlike what I had. You make my days better and I spend couple of hours before going to sleep reading all your fics. Thank you so much

Hi bestie!

I haven't stopped thinking about this message since I saw it last night. I genuinely feel honoured to help in anyway, and knowing you find comfort in my fics means more than I can put into words.

I've always said that I write because it helps me. It helps get thoughts out of my head, it stops me from thinking when I really don't want to, it helps me channel my creativity in a way that feels productive. And the fact it helps other people in whatever way? That's incredible to me.

Anyway, I thought I'd write you something that is for you. A fic where they are happy and have kids and have the family we all deserve. I hope you can come back to this as often as you need to, and know it was written with you in mind.

So this is for you, and anyone else who might need it!

-x-

Daylight

March 7th. The date that had once been carved on her gravestone and one she didn’t want to be written on her little girl’s birth certificate. 

-x-

Words: 3.6k

Warnings: Pregnancy, labour/birth

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

From the moment she found out her due date, she was determined that it wasn’t going to be her child's birthday. She’d gone as far as doing her own research, comforted by the fact there was only a 5% chance she’d have her little girl on the predicted date. She was further assured by the memory of her son’s birth. Oliver was almost two weeks late and she’d been induced. Aaron always joked that if he could, their 2-year-old son would climb back up inside of her, always keen to be wherever his mother was. 

It mostly calms her nerves down, and lets her reassure herself for months that her daughter wouldn’t be exactly on time, that the day would pass as it did every year with little fanfare. 

March 7th. The date that had once been carved on her gravestone and one she didn’t want to be written on her little girl’s birth certificate. 

It felt wrong. The thought of something so happy, so full of joy as they completed their family, being on the same date as the day she died. The day her life changed forever five years ago, altered in a way she once thought she’d never get past. She didn’t want to associate her daughter, her sweet face still not something Emily could quite picture yet, with the worst day of her life. When her found family’s opinion of her was permanently shifted, when she died to save them, sent to another continent by the man she was now lucky enough to call her husband and the father of her children. 

It wasn’t going to happen, not if she could help it.

Which was why she was absolutely not in labour. 

She’d felt the first twinges in the middle of the night. The discomfort had torn her from sleep, her hand flying to her belly before she was even fully awake. She’d told herself they were Braxton Hicks contractions, something she’d been experiencing on and off for a couple of weeks. The pains had continued but were few and far between, and by the time Aaron woke up in the morning she’d half convinced herself it was nothing and just what came with being very pregnant. 

Denial, she would later realise, was a very powerful thing. 

She gets through most of the day ignoring that the pains are getting closer and the fact that Aaron keeps asking if she’s okay, clearly accepting the fact she was in labour much faster than she was. She shrugs him off, insisting she’s fine as she grips the arm of the couch whilst her stomach tenses and pain rolls over her like a wave. She gets through it, wanting nothing more than to simply make it to the end of the day, to get past midnight so her baby would be born on any other day. 

Jessica comes round to pick up the boys after dinner, something that they’d agreed she’d start to do every evening in the lead-up to the baby being born so she wouldn’t have to come over in the middle of the night if Emily went into labour. Emily hugs Jack and Oliver a little tighter than she usually does as she says goodnight to them, aware, even underneath all her stubborn refusal, that the next time she sees them Oliver will no longer be her baby, and Jack will be an older brother again. 

She’s standing in the kitchen making herself a snack when she’s stopped by another wave of pain, the spoon of peanut butter she’d had in her hand clattering to the countertop. She groans as she leans forward, her elbows on the kitchen counter as she breathes out slowly. She shifts her hips side to side, attempting to ease some of the pressure in her back. 

“Sweetheart, I really think we should go to the hospital” Aaron says, reaching out to rub firm circles on her back, something that they’d figured out had provided her relief during her labour with Oliver, “The contractions are getting closer-”

“They aren’t contractions,” she insists as she cuts him off, her denial starting to sound weak even to herself, “It’s just some back pain,” she looks up at him. She attempts to smile, blowing out a breath as the wave of pain comes to an end, the tension in her body finally lifting, “I have done this before you know,” she says, trying to lighten the mood, to convince him that everything was fine. That she wasn’t having this baby today, “I know what I’m doing.” 

Aaron watches her carefully and sighs as he shifts his hands to her hips and gently turns her to look at him. He sighs as he tucks some of her hair behind her ear, his knuckles brushing against her cheek. He knew what was wrong, what was making his usually logical wife act so out of character, what was making her deny the obvious. He knew the significance her due date held the moment the doctor had told them, the day engraved into his memory just as it once had been on a gravestone that bore her name. He’d been preparing for this eventuality since that appointment, aware that whilst it was unlikely she’d give birth on her due date it wasn’t impossible. 

She’d been defying the odds since the day he’d met her, so why would now be any different? 

“I know what day it is, Em,” he says carefully, his heart twisting in his chest as she tenses. He cups her jaw and rubs his thumb back and forth over her cheek, “I understand what you’re trying to do, but you are in labour and we need to get the two of you to the hospital, okay?” 

She clenches her teeth, misplaced irritation aimed at him flooding through her in an instant. Sometimes she hated how well he knew her, how he could read her like a book. It had been jarring when they first got together before she allowed herself to settle into the comfort of the way he loved her. She’d mistaken the way he liked to care for her as control, the small but loving actions he did to make her day easier, difficult to get used to. Cups of coffee before she’d ask for them, snacks placed in front of her before she even knew she was hungry. His embrace always willing and waiting to hug her, to provide comfort she still wasn’t very good at asking for. She shakes off the irritation, a physical movement of her head that ends with her leaning into his palm, his thumb wiping away the tear that the movement dislodges from her lashline. 

“Today can’t be her birthday,” she says, her voice raw, torn open by emotions she’d stuffed in her chest for months, the words sharp and bitter as they finally escape from where she’d held them captive. She places her hand on her stomach, her arm curling around her bump as she tries to protect her unborn daughter, “It just can’t be, Aaron. I never want to associate…”

She drifts off, her voice catching as she tries and fails to suppress a sob. He tugs her forward, looping his arms around her as best as he can with their daughter trapped between them. He shushes her, his lips against her forehead as he rubs his hand up and down her back. 

“Sweetheart, today might end up being her birthday,” he says softly, shushing her again when she holds on tighter, her fingers digging into his skin so tightly he can feel her blunt nails through his shirt, “But that means it’s the start of something new, right?” He asks, pulling back to look at her, his heart clenching at the look on her face, the unshed tears in her eyes, “It means that today wouldn’t just be sad, it would be good too. A new beginning for us.” 

She sniffs, blowing out a steady breath as she wipes her face, irritated at herself as more tears fall onto her cheeks, “I just hate that he’s in this,” she says, hiccuping through a sob as she speaks, “He tried to kill me, he almost did, and the anniversary of that might end up being the day she's born.” 

“Ian is not in this,” he says firmly but calmly, cupping her cheek to make her look up at him, her gaze having drifted to the floor at the mention of Ian’s name. She furrows her brow and scoffs and he smiles softly at her, storing away yet another moment in their lives when she managed to look intimidating even when crying, “He isn’t. It’s just you, me, the boys and our little girl.” He places his hand on her stomach, linking his fingers through hers, “We’re about to meet her, and that’s in spite of him, not because of him.” 

She blows out a breath as she nods, leaning forward and pressing her head into his shoulder, “You’re right.” 

He smiles and kisses the side of her head, “Really? I don’t think you’ve ever said that before.” 

She hums and pulls away, wiping her cheeks again, “Yeah,” she says, stamping a kiss on his lips, “Plus, my water just broke all over your shoes.” 

He pulls back and he looks between his now wet shoes and floor, the damp patch on her sweats, and the smirk on her face. He leans forward and kisses her, a fierce but quick thing against her lips, before he pulls back. 

“I’ll get you some fresh sweats and grab myself some different shoes, then we’ll go to the hospital,” he says, squeezing her hand before he lifts it to kiss her knuckles, “Let’s go have a baby.” 

She nods, her smile only fading when he’s out of the room again, her hand on her stomach as she starts to feel the beginning of another contraction, rolling through her body as it’s chased by anxiety she can’t shift. 

“Yeah,” she says, blowing out a steady breath, “Let’s go have a baby.” 

___

She grunts as she leans back against Aaron, whining as her body is barely given a chance to rest, her next contraction already building. 

“Fuck,” she exclaims, squeezing Aaron’s hands tightly, “This sucks. This is so much worse than I remember,” she huffs out a breath, “Why didn’t I remember how much this sucks?”

“It’s nature’s way of tricking us into having more than one child,” her doctor says from the end of the bed, looking up at Emily from between her legs, her hand comfortingly on her knee, “Just another couple of pushes and your daughter will be here, Emily.” 

Emily whimpers, a sound she would later deny entirely, and rests her head on her husband’s shoulder to look up at him. He’d climbed into the bed behind her hours ago, taking the same position he had when she gave birth to Oliver, her support both physically and emotionally as she brought their child into the world. She looks at their joint hands and sees the time on his watch. 

11.35 pm 

“Maybe she can wait 25 minutes,” she says, looking at her doctor, “It’s just another 25 minutes.” 

The doctor exchanges a quick look with Aaron. He’d pulled her aside when they arrived, giving her a very abridged version of what was happening, why his wife was so hesitant to give birth today. He knows Emily wouldn’t thank him for it if she knew, but he wanted to keep her and their little girl safe, even if it meant enduring her wrath at a later date. 

“Emily,” the doctor says, her smile so kind it makes Emily ache, “give me your hand.”

She nods, unclasping one of her hands from Aarons and reaching out to her doctor, letting her guide her until her fingers touch the top of her baby’s head, tears springing to her eyes as she chokes out a sob.

“She’s got so much hair,” she breathes out, her voice shaking almost as much as she was. 

“And she’s almost here,” the doctor says, “We don’t have 25 minutes.” 

Emily nods and leans back against Aaron, reaching for his hand again, her body starting to take over, pushing despite the fact she really doesn’t want to. She falls back against her husband again as she takes a moment to breathe in between pushes, aware that with every passing second, she gets closer to having her little girl in her arms.

“It’s all your fault you know,” she says, squeezing his hands tightly, “She gets it from you.” 

He chuckles softly, his lips against the side of her head, “She gets what from me, sweetheart?”

She groans as the next contraction starts, “Being punctual.”  

Her words turn into a scream as she pushes for a final time, her body sagging into Aaron’s as the piercing cry of a baby fills the room. Emily breathes out and it catches in her chest as her daughter is held up for her to see and she reaches her shaking hands to hold her.

“Congratulations,” the doctor says, her words, and everything other than Aaron and the baby in her arms, fading away as Emily looks at her daughter's face for the first time. 

“Hi sweet girl,” she says, tears spilling down her cheeks as she holds the still-screaming baby against her chest, “Look at you,” she looks up at Aaron and isn’t surprised to see he’s crying too, “Look at her.”

“She’s beautiful,” he says, kissing his wife, “I love you so much,” he murmurs against her lips before he looks at the baby, now slightly calmer as she settles against Emily, “Hi princess,” he says, his eyes taking in every feature of her face, committing it to memory because he knew how much of a thief time was, how quickly she’d change right in front of him, “You look just like Mommy.” 

Emily chuckles, “Sorry about the nose, baby,” she says, rubbing her hand up and down her daughter’s back, shifting to press her lips against her forehead. She looks up at her husband, “What time is it?” 

Aaron looks at his watch and then back at his wife, blowing out a slow breath before he answers, “It’s 11.50, sweetheart.” 

She chokes out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob, shaking her head as she looks back down at her daughter. 

“That’s okay,” she says, her voice still shaking, overwhelmed with hormones and emotions she can’t find the name for. Suddenly everything she’d spent months worrying about didn’t seem to matter. She doesn’t feel sad, or disappointed, two things that seem impossible as she looks at her newborn’s face, but instead she feels happy, overwhelming joy she never thought she’d get to feel at this time five years ago, “That’s more than okay,” she strokes a finger up and down her daughter’s cheek, “Happy birthday, sweet girl.”

___

Emily smiles as she rests her head on Aaron’s shoulder, looking down at the baby girl in his arms. They were snuggled together in her hospital bed, both of them exhausted but happy as they stared at the latest addition to their family. 

“Jess said she’s on the way,” Aaron says softly, looking at his wife. She was beautiful in her exhaustion, ethereal almost with her hair in the braids he’d done for her after she’d showered, “Apparently the boys are very excited to meet their sister.” 

She hums as she reaches out to touch the baby’s head, stroking over the thick dark hair that was impossibly soft, “We need to think of a name,” she says as she continues to stroke her hair, “None of the ones we thought of seem right.” 

They’d gone back and forth for months, arguing over girl's names ever since they’d found out they were having a daughter. Nothing seemed like it fit their little girl, especially now they were looking at her. The baby starts to fuss and Aaron immediately hands her to Emily, smiling at the sight of his girls together. 

“I have a suggestion,” he says as Emily settles the baby into her arms, her smile soft as she looks up at him.

“Yeah? What is it?” She asks rocking the baby as she calms down, content to be in her mother’s arms. 

“Alba,” he replies, reaching out and adjusting the blanket around the baby, “It means dawn, or sunrise,” his smile turns shy as she stares at him, her expression unreadable to him for once, “Since she’s our family’s new beginning.”

She chuckles, the sound wet as it catches in her lungs, and she shakes her head at him, “How long have you had that in your back pocket?” 

He shrugs, “Since we found out your due date,” he says, watching as she looks back down at the baby, nerves making his heart seize, “If you don’t like it-”

“I love it,” she says, cutting him off as she looks at him, her smile wide, “It suits her. Alba Hotchner.” 

“Alba it is,” he replies, leaning forward to press a kiss to her lips, his hand cupping the back of their daughter’s head, “Hi Alba.” 

There’s a knock at the door just before it opens and Jessica’s head pops around it, “Is there a tiny baby in here?” She asks, her smile soft, “I have two very excited little boys out here.” 

Aaron stands up, “Come on in.”

As the door opens fully he grabs Oliver, hauling the toddler onto his hip as he makes a beeline for his mother. 

“Remember what we said, Ollie,” he says, walking over, his other arm around Jack’s shoulder as his eldest is more controlled in his excitement. 

“Gentle with Mama and baby sissy,” Oliver says, his thumb in his mouth as he looks at Emily, his smile wide as he rests his head on Aaron’s shoulder, “Hi Mama.”

“Hi sweet boy,” she says, making sure Alba is tucked safely in the crook of one of her arms whilst she wraps the other around Oliver once Aaron eases him onto the bed, “I missed you.” 

Oliver snuggles up into her side, a little rougher than she can take, and she hides a wince, never wanting to scare him, “Missed Mama.” 

Emily smiles at Jack who was standing next to the bed peering into the bundle in her arms. He beams at her, the same excitement in his eyes that he had when he first met Oliver a couple of years ago. There were moments when she wondered if Jack missed when life was just him Aaron, when it was quiet and he didn’t have a little brother, and now sister, splitting his parent's attention and following his every move, but then there were moments like this. When she saw the love in his eyes, the joy she’d been a part of, her role in helping Aaron fulfil his final promise to Haley something she held dear. 

“Jack, Ollie,” she says, looking between her sons, purposely ignoring the clicks of both Jess and Aaron’s camera phones as she speaks, “This is Alba.” 

“She’s so pretty,” Jack says as he looks at his sister and then back at Emily, “She looks like you, Mom.” 

Emily unwraps her arm from around Oliver and cups Jack’s cheek, pulling him in his kiss his forehead. She still wasn’t entirely used to him calling her Mom, and part of her hoped she never would be. That it would always make her feel as overjoyed as she had the first time, that random Tuesday morning when she’d shifted from Emily to Mom with little fanfare from the little boy. 

“Thanks, sweetie,” she says, “Do you want to hold her?” 

Jack opens his mouth to say yes, but is cut off by his younger brother, his voice a little too loud in the otherwise peaceful room.

“I want sissy,” he insists, his eyebrows furrowing in a way that never failed to make him look exactly like Aaron. 

“You can both hold her,” Aaron says, stepping forward to pick up Oliver and placing him in the large chair next to the bed, “Jack, you sit next to your bother.”

Jack nods enthusiastically and does as he’s told, “I remember what to do,” he says, wrapping one of his arms around his brother, “We have to be gentle, and make sure her head is supported.” 

Emily hands over Alba to Aaron, ignoring her instinct to snatch her back even though she wasn’t leaving her line of sight. 

“That’s right Jack,” Aaron says, handing Alba to Jack, making sure that she was safely in the laps of her brothers. He stays close, his hand under Jack’s elbow to provide additional support. He turns to look at his wife as he sees a flash go off, and he raises his eyebrow at her when he sees her phone in her hands pointing at them all. 

“What?” She asks, raising her eyebrow in challenge, “You can take pictures and I can’t?” 

He winks at her before he turns his attention back to his children, softly talking to the boys as they ask questions about Alba. Jessica walks over too, leaning over the back of the chair to look at her niece. Their conversation fades out as Emily looks at the picture of her husband and children on her phone. She immediately sets it as her wallpaper, wanting it as a reminder of what she has now, what she had been able to create for herself despite everything. 

Her new beginning and happy ending wrapped up all in one, the soft epilogue she knew she truly deserved. 

-x-

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[jmrothwell]

"hold my hand" "absolutely not" "they'll think somethings wrong if you don't" *grabs hand and kisses cheek* / sweet tarts

“Do you need a job?” 

Reggie startled ever so slightly, trying his best to hide it by sitting up from the lounging position he was in while reading his book. Once up he found an aggravated Carrie standing in the doorway of the studio. 

“Are you talking to me?” He asked, looking around knowing full well he was the only one here. Everyone else had gotten pulled into various family holiday events. Even Luke and his mom had managed to reach a sort of compromise for the season. 

“Is there anyone else here?” She said again before releasing a long exhale disguised as a groan, “Anyway, did you need a job or not?”

“A job” He couldn’t help repeating the question, one of his eyebrows rising against his better judgment. 

“Ok, so it’s barely a job.” She said weight shifting as she adjusted her feet with her eye roll. Her gaze shifted away from him, examining the room around them, eyes lingering on the many photos Flynn and Julie had plastered across the wall. “I really just need someone to come with me when I go to my mom’s for Christmas.”

“I’m sorry what?” He really didn’t mean to blurt out the question as fast as he did. Still blinking away the shock of the words he was hearing. Couldn’t recall her ever mentioning her mom before, or anyone for that matter. Though if he had to judge based on the way Carrie’s face scrunched up and how she shifted her feet again she wasn’t very comfortable with the topic. 

“My mom’s been trying to reconnect and make up for lost time.” She said, voice bordering on her peppy show tone. 

“I don’t know.”

“It would be just for a week and she lives incredibly close to some decent skiing. So you could think of it more like a little winter vacation if you’d like.” Carrie said, her voice never straying far from that peppy ‘sales pitch’ tone which did not ease any unease he had at the idea. 

“What’s the catch?”

“There’s no catch.” She quickly said, disbelief written all over her face in the short seconds before managing to school her expression again. “Look, me and my family are even paying for everything. All you have to do is show up.”

He chewed over the idea, also chewing the inside of his bottom lip not really buying this perfect vacation she was trying to sell him on. There definitely had to be something she wasn’t telling him. Why him? Why not any of her other friends? 

On the other hand, it would be nice to have something to keep him out of his parents house that wouldn’t also have all his friends playing their usual ‘let’s help Reggie without him knowing it’ tactics. It might take them all a while to believe Carrie had randomly offered him what basically amounted to an all expenses paid ski trip out of nowhere. But weirder things had happened. 

“All right, when’s this trip?” He asked, trying not to be floored by Carrie’s unexpectedly bright, if short lived, smile. 

“We leave tomorrow.” She said digging her phone out of her purse and settling on the couch so close to him she‘d barely need to move to be in his lap. “Quick, give me your number so I can send you the details.”

“Oh yeah, sure.” He said fumbling for his phone, caught a little off guard by both her sudden proximity and the amount of shit he suddenly had to do before tomorrow. 

He barely registered everything she said about texting her his address to coordinate with her driver. Far too focused on mentally making his packing list, hoping he had enough clean clothes. Didn’t even question her when she suddenly pulled him in for a series of selfies, the first half dozen inadequate because he didn’t look happy enough. He doubted he ever looked happy enough, certain she just gave up, and resorted to using whatever filter for whatever app she was sure to be posting it to.

The next day didn’t fare much better for his nerves. Pleasantly surprised when she did in fact show up at his place several hours before the sun would even dare to be up so they could get to the airport on time. Too tired to enjoy the fact he got to sit in the slightly roomier business class, falling asleep before the even finished taking off. It was a rare direct flight too, so he wouldn’t get another chance until the flight home. 

Just as they passed security and into the throng of all the friends and family waiting, Carrie’s hand gripped his bicep tight pulling his attention to her as they walked. 

“Ok so, before we get too far there is something you need to know.” She said in a sort of half whisper, trying to not be overheard but still trying to be heard over the noise all around them. “I may have lied about there not being a catch.”

His heart clenched, he knew it was too good to be true, but more than that he felt more than a little betrayed. Did she seriously wait til he couldn’t escape to tell him what basically amounted to his side of the deal? He didn’t get the chance to call her out though, as soon a woman Reggie could describe as overly sparkly was rushing toward them with a big smile. 

“Carrie?” The woman said, throwing her arms around Carrie who had never looked so tense before.

“Aunt Debbie.” Carrie said through a forced grin, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“What nonsense.” Aunt Debbie said as she playfully slapped Carrie’s shoulder. “Of course we were going to pick you up, Richard’s keeping the car warm. Your mom would have come but she’s a little preoccupied.”

Aunt Debbie tried to do a little hand wave through the air, her vibrant nails looking more like talons than Reggie expected them to, clearly trying to dismiss or wave something away. The movement only seemed to make Carrie tense up more than she already was. Reggie didn’t get long to focus on that though as Aunt Debbie’s attention fell on him.

“Oh sorry, you must be..?”

“Oh, right, sorry. Aunt Debbie, this is Reggie.” Carrie said as Reggie extended his hand out to shake Debbie’s, all of the syllables he was going to use to greet her with however froze up in his throat as Carrie continued on. “My boyfriend I was telling you all about.”

“Ooooh well aren’t you handsome.” Debbie said, patting his, the sensation all he needed to know he wasn’t dreaming. “Well, we better hurry up before Rich gets too bored and does something foolish. Did you check anything?”

Debbie walked off after Carrie’s reassurances they only had carry-on’s. Reggie did not follow, forcing Carrie to double back for him, if she felt any guilt over the situation she had it hidden well under all the resigned exhaustion she wore.

“Your boyfriend?” 

“It’s only for the week.” 

“Carrie we’ve barely ever spoken to each other.” He said in lieu of saying how they could barely be called friends. 

“Please,” she said, surprising them both, though she recovered faster than he did. “Like I said it’s only for the week. We don’t even have to get all lovey-dovey with the pet names or overt PDA.”

“But why do they need to think I”m your boyfriend?”

Carrie quickly looked over her shoulder to where Aunt Debbie was impatiently looking like she was waiting patiently.  “I promise I’ll tell you later.”

He sighed, slowly resigning himself to the idea. His only other real options being telling everyone the truth and spending the next week uncomfortably awkward around strangers or trying to find some way to pay for a flight back home and leaving Carrie alone, by herself. “You owe me.”

She nodded as she painted on that winning showmanship smile of hers, “Of course, now hold my hand.”

“Absolutely not.” The words were out of his mouth faster than he intended, still too caught up in his own blindsided irritation. Her smile barely faltered, the slightest furrow of her brow.

“They’ll think somethings wrong if you don’t.”

He glanced toward Debbie who had definitely stopped trying to not look confused. He didn’t exactly trust his mouth at the moment, so he merely held out his hand towards Carrie. She grasped it in hers and pulled him down so she could quickly press a quick kiss to his cheek and whispering a quick “thank you” into his ear. 

He swallowed hard, an attempt to both unclog his throat of all the wrong words and to clear his head of the memory of her lips ghosting across the shell of his ear. This was going to be a more complicated week than if he had just stayed home.

[copiousloverofcopia]

💖✨💗Happy Lupercalia Ghesties!💗✨💖

In honor of the holiday, I am sharing my trade fic for the incredibly talented and sweet @sirlsplayland featuring Secondo and his beloved Marzanna (her OC).

Thank you so much for once again wanting me to write for you ghestie! I really appreciate all your support!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!

Commissions are still open! See pinned post for details!

(if you want to read more stories with Marzanna and Secondo please see my pinned post under Secondo's section!)

Good Intentions

Secondo is about to take a huge leap, asking his beloved Marzanna to become his Prime Mover. Though his brothers want the best for him, their concerns for his wellbeing lead them and Secondo into trouble.

Also available HERE on AO3!

Read below the cut!

It was finally Uno night. Not unlike any other evening spent at the Abbey, except that the Emeritus brothers would find themselves all huddled together in the small clergy breakroom. Sitting around the old kitchen table as Primo poured drinks into glasses and Copia dealt out the cards. Readying themselves for a boy’s night, ready for the ritualistic banter to begin. All of them, usually in good spirits—for the most part. 

Tonight was a bit different as Terzo entered the room in a slump. Plopping down into his chair like a sack of potatoes. Copia and Secondo, both raising their eyebrows at him. Watching as he let out a big sigh, reaching for his usual amaretto sour. Freshly poured by Primo.  

“You’ve looked better.” chuckled Copia. Terzo, shooting him a look. His eyes scrunched up as he mocked Copia’s comment under his breath. Taking a swig of his drink before making his rebuttal.

“You’d look this way too stronzo if you were up all night with a screaming bambino and then had to be on confession duty all day.” he groaned, wiping his mouth of the escaped liquid before gesturing to Primo to hurry up and deal him in. 

“You know if you’d stop having them every other year, you might be able to actually get some sleep fratellino.” Primo shrugged, tapping his cards on the table to even out the stack. The comment had struck a nerve, but Terzo knew all too well how true the observation was.  

“We weren’t sure you were going to make it down…glad you did” Copia smiled, bouncing his leg as he waited for the game to begin. Finally Primo placed down the first card, a red 2 on the table. 

“Yeah… yeah.” Terzo said, shaking his head as he placed down his own card. It was about then he noticed something peculiar. In all the comments and snark being thrown back and forth between them, there was a distinctive thing missing. A notable lack of participation by the one man who was usually all too happy to participate—Secondo. 

He was sitting in his usual spot, like always. A whiskey in hand, like always. But his mind was clearly someplace else. Silent as the rest of them went about the game and pointed conversation. Only half heartedly paying attention to things to know when it was his turn. 

“Hey…what's up with you?” Terzo asked him. The room of men, growing quiet as they all waited for his response. At first he didn’t even notice, his thoughts heavy with his decision. Only noticing when he felt it was time to place down his card that all eyes had fallen on him.

“It’s—It’s nothing, just play your damn turn.” he replied, waving his hand to hurry them on. 

“Io la chiamo una stronzata.” Terzo jabbed. Secondo sending him a look of annoyance. He had no right too however, knowing all along they were right. He was absolutely distracted—by Marzanna. 

It had been some time now since they first met. Secondo, recalling fondly that fateful day in the greenhouse when he had a gripe about Sister Imperator ready on his lips and a mind to seek out his brother’s advice. 

It was then that he saw her—tending to Primo’s garden in his stead. Reserved and demure, so delicate in her task. It was clear to anyone who met her that she had a beautiful, kind heart. One that compared only to the beauty of her face. Her white streaked hair and delicate features, setting her apart from all the other sisters around her.  

When their eyes locked together, Secondo could feel the warmth of her soul. She was unafraid to be herself with him and in that first moment—he knew. She made him feel young again, the way he did before the years of loneliness had withered down his heart. Her own calm demeanor, lending itself to help soft him. The bitterness of the past left behind him until there was nothing in its place but his feelings for her. 

“You have been unusually quiet this evening Secondo.” Copia chimed in, setting down his card. 

“If you all must know, I have made some decisions.” Secondo replied, ready to let out the secret he had been holding within himself. His fingertip, tracing the edge of his hand of cards as prepared the words to leave him.

“Oh?” asked Primo, almost certain he already knew. 

“I am going to ask Marzanna to be my Prime Mover.” he explained. 

“Pah! Sei serio?” Terzo asked, spitting out his drink. Choking a bit as Copia patted on his back. The two of them, in shock as Primo sat with a smug, assured smile.

“I had a feeling it would come to this.” he laughed. 

“You smug bastard, how did you know?” Terzo asked. Primo shrugged again, he always seemed to know what was going on before anyone else. A fact which infuriated Terzo and Secondo most of the time. 

“Forgive us Secondo… it's just well out of all of us. I would not expect you to take a Prime Mover.” Copia explained.

“Yeah, you don’t even like kids.” Terzo whined, standing up from the table in protest. 

“I like kids.” Secondo quickly replied, raising up to meet with his brother’s eyes.  

“You don’t like mine!” Terzo exclaimed, feeling a little insulted. Secondo rolled his eyes, unamused with his brother’s grumbling.  

“That's not true I—”

“Va bene bambini, calmiamoci tutti.” Primo laughed gently pressing against Terzo and Secondo’s chest to settle them back down. “I am happy for you fratello.”

“Thank you.” Secondo smiled, thankful at least one of them was on his side. 

“Old man, are you sure?” Terzo asked him. Both him and Copia, looking worried for him. Secondo smiled again, the look on his face was full of sincerity. 

“I have never been more sure of anything in my life. What do you all have against Marzanna anyway?” he groaned.

“Oh no, it's not that…well maybe a bit Secondo. We just…well we don’t wanna see you hurt.” Copia explained, Terzo nodding along with him. 

“I can assure you both Marzanna is a fine woman and perfectly suited to him.” Primo told them.

“We just don’t want to see your hurt again Secondo… that's all.” Copia said, trying to reason with him but it was too late. 

“Voi due non sapete di cosa state parlando. Idioti.” Secondo hissed before storming out of the breakroom, leaving his three brothers behind.  

The next day Terzo was sitting in his office, drinking his espresso after another night of unrest when there was a knock. He sighed as he sat down his cup, getting up to reluctantly greet whomever was at the door. Opening it up to find Copia staring back at him. 

“Buongiorno.” Copia smiled, shutting the door behind him. Terzo was already making his way back to the desk.

“Is it?” he asked him, the bags under his eyes speaking volumes for his state of being. 

“The bambini keeping you up all night again?” Copia laughed, Terzo squinted his eyes at him and waved him to go sit down. 

“What do you want, Copia?” he asked, waiting for him to get on with it. The former cardinal brought himself to sit in the chair opposite Terzo. Crossing one leg over the other and nervously bouncing it as he began his thought.. 

“I wanted to ask you, you know about all this Prime Mover stuff with Secondo…” 

“What of it? If you don’t mind, I have another meeting in 20 minutes with Signora Anastasia about Mena’s behavior. She’s been biting people in her class again.” Terzo cringed, shaking his head and letting out a sigh. His mind, never far away from his own budding family. Especially when it came to the antics of his eldest daughter. 

“Oh again?” Copia winced, knowing that the whole Ministry was in for it when it came to that child. 

“Yes again… now what is it?” Terzo asked.

“Mi dispiace… I just wanted to ask what Alessandra thinks of it? You know since they are friends.” Copia continued, curious of what Terzo’s own Prime Mover thought about Secondo’s choice of a mate. 

“She seems all for it actually. Not surprised, they are pretty close. Alé even told me that someone like Marzanna would be good for him. Though she did also tell me something I found to be interesting last night.” 

“Oh?”

“Yeah… seems our would-be Prime Mover has been spending an awful lot of evenings lately in the Ghoul’s den.” he explained, a note of suspicion in his tone.  

“Ghouls Den? Why?” Copia asked confusedly. 

“Good question, that I don’t know and neither did Alé… said she wasn’t going to pry. But she didn’t say anything about you and I, not looking into it.” Terzo said, waiting for Copia to take the lead.

“Are you saying we should follow her in the Ghoul’s den and see what she’s up to?”

“You see, now that sounds like a good idea, old man. I’ll meet you in the refectory after dark—it’s a date.” Terzo laughed as he tapped Copia’s shoulder before heading out the door. Leaving Copia dumbfounded on just how easily he was conned into agreeing to it.  

After dinner service, Terzo waited at the entryway to the refectory for Copia. Nodding and smiling at the odd sibling or ghoul passing by as he waited. Finally, when Copia came up to meet him, he was sipping the remains of his juice box. Terzo, rolling his eyes before motioning for him to turn around and set his sights on Marzanna.  

“Ready?” Terzo asked him, watching Marzanna in the distance talking to Cumulus in the hall. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Copia responded when he felt a cold chill run down his spine. Turning around to see Secondo staring him down.

“And just what are the two of you up to?” he asked, both Terzo and Copia scrambling to come up with some reasonable excuse. Failing pitifully as they began to blurt out gibberish until Terzo finally took a moment to collect his thoughts.  

“Us? What about you? What’s got you all sneaking up on us?” he asked. Secondo uncrossed his arms and let out a sigh. Both Copia and Terzo, now realizing they could relax.

“I was just coming to tell you both I was a bit out of line last night.”

“Oh?” Terzo asked snidely.

“Yes, you stronzo, but then I come over and catch you spying on Marzanna.” Secondo groaned, “Why is it that the two of you are so suspicious of her?” 

“We just want to make sure she’s right for you…did you know she's been spending a lot of time with the ghouls lately?” Terzo asked him. Copia, giving him the side eye as he let out his admission. Wishing that they had kept things to themselves before involving Secondo. It was too late now, all three of them were in on the mission.  

“I did not.” Secondo said, furrowing his brow. He had noticed that Marzanna had been acting strange the past couple of weeks. Wondering if he had to do with all the Lupercalian celebrations. Secondo was never one for grand gestures of affection—until Marz. Maybe she was needing more from him. Secondo hoping that she wasn’t getting something from the ghouls she couldn’t get from him. Frightened by the alternatives. 

“Ah we should get going…seems she is on the move.” Copia commented as the three of them ducked behind the entryway. Peering around the corner to see Marz and Cumulus heading towards the Ghoul’s wing. All of them carefully, following behind, just close enough to keep up. Praying they wouldn’t be noticed. 

When Marzanna and Cumulus arrived at the den, Sunshine, Cirrus, Mountain, Aurora, and Earth were waiting for them in the common room. Cumulus plopped down on the sofa, the TV ready and mountains of popcorn freshly popped was just waiting to be munched on for their evening ritual. Movies with the ghouls. A nightly tradition that had been helping Marz cope with her troubles. 

“Marz, Luss… what are we watching tonight!” Aurora asked.

“Shaun of the Dead.” Cumulus said, clicking the remote to start up the old DVD player. 

“Oh, come on. Didn’t we just watch that one?” Mountain protested.

“No. We watched Dawn of the Dead… definitely not the same thing.” Cirrus explained. 

“Exactly.” Cumulus said, rolling her eyes as Marz and Aurora couldn’t help, but let out a chuckle. Marz was always so much more relaxed around them. The ghouls were a tight knit group and growing up in the Warsaw chapter, Marz was taken care of by them—more specifically the ghoulettes. 

She didn't have a family of her own. They were the closest thing to it, like the siblings she never had. She needed them now more than ever. Overwhelmed with the feeling of suspicion and fear. 

Scared that Secondo was beginning to question continuing their relationship. Marzanna, growing more worried as the days passed that Secondo wanted to break things off. Only making the situation worse for the things that remained still unsaid between them. Despite it all, she knew she still loved him and she wanted nothing more than for him to love her back.

“I don’t care what we watch honestly, I’m just glad you all are ok with me crashing.” Marz laughed, curling up on the sofa. Nuzzled her head on Cumulus’s lap as she began to relax. The ghoulette, running her fingers through her hair.

“Works for us. Popcorn?” Earth asked, ready to pass the large bowl, full of buttery popped kernels, Marz’s way.

“Ah…yeah maybe not tonight.” Marz said, waving her hand in protest. 

 “Your stomach, still giving you the icks?” Cumulus asked her, stopping her petting a moment in concern. 

“Seems that way, though I suppose it's par for the course.” she replied, settling back down again just as the opening credits began.

“You're gonna have to figure out a way to tell him Marz… it's not gonna go away.” Cumulus reminded her. Pressing her lips into a smile before her friend replied.

“I know Luss. I know.”

The door to the ghoul common room was just down the hall as Copia, Terzo, and Secondo stared at it from atop the stairs. Each of them carefully timing their footfalls. Paying careful attention to their surroundings as they approached. All three men, completely overcome with fear—and all for different reasons. 

Terzo was hoping he wouldn't get caught spying by Alessandra, Copia worried that Secondo would become enraged and take it out on them if something was going on with Marz, and Secondo—Secondo had begun to fear that maybe things between him and Marzanna were too good to be true.

When they reached the door, they argued in whispers about who would peek in. Finally deciding on Terzo—mostly so because he was the nosiest of the three. He took a moment to swallow back his apprehension and carefully brought his eyes to the crack in the doorway. Practically jumping out of his skin when he felt the weight of a hand tapping at his shoulder. 

“And just what do you think you are doing stronzo?” a familiar deep voice asked. Terzo, turning back around to see Alessandra and Primo staring at the three of them. Both holding a look of disappointment on their faces. 

“I can’t believe you… and you got Copia and Secondo to go in on your foolishness too?” Alé asked, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Alessandra really—” Secondo started, but immediately stopped when Alé whipped a look over to him. Telling him to stay out of it.

“Amore, it’s not what you think I–” Terzo began before Alé cut him off. 

“Oh, so you aren’t spying on Marzanna to see what she’s doing in the ghoul’s common room?”

“Ok…it's exactly what it looks like, but Alé the man needs to know if he’s gonna ask her to…” Terzo started once more when they all began to hear the sounds of moaning and groaning from just beyond the door. 

“Oh no it couldn’t be.” Copia said, hardly believing his ears. Without a second thought Terzo pushed open the door revealing Marz and the ghouls. All of them huddled together on the sofa in the dark while watching a scary movie. 

“Unholy fuck!” Cumulus yelped as she jumped up off the sofa. Popcorn flying in the air as the lot of them all panicked at the sudden unexpected intrusion. Instantly Terzo, Secondo, and Copia felt horrible. What they had been worried was a torrid affair, turned out to be nothing more than a movie night with a group of friends. 

Secondo now was concerned more than ever that with his indiscretion, Marz would certainly refuse him. Knowing how he hadn’t trusted her, spying on her like she was some common harlot who would disgrace him and the Emeritus name. It was clear he had made a mistake. Wondering to himself if that mistake would cost him everything.

“Sec… what are you doing here?” Marz asked, her hand over her mouth and heart still pounding inside her chest. Coming down fast from the heights of fight or flight. Secondo looked absolutely distraught—ashamed even. 

“It wasn’t his fault, sorella, you see I may have… well we were just trying to help and…” Terzo said, trying to explain.

“He may have put his foot in his mouth and spoke on matters he had no right to speak on.” Primo said for him. Terzo, nodding his head in response. The ghouls remained quiet, Mountain and Earth watching as they ate the popcorn. Enjoying the drama unfold just as if they were still watching a movie. 

“I don’t understand. Were you spying on me?” Marz asked him, looking into his eyes. Her mind, still swirling in confusion and worry.

“Yes we were but—” Copia began nervously explaining before Secondo placed his hand over his chest. Stopping him from continuing on.

“I—I was afraid that you might have been keeping things from me. I let myself be convinced of the possibility…and for that amore I am so deeply sorry.” Secondo apologized. Marz began looking down at her feet. Knowing that she was hiding something—-just not what they had been thinking. 

“Oh Secondo I—” she began, sniffling back as she tried to stop herself from crying. 

“No Marzanna, don’t… I hope you can forgive me. It’s just that I have been wanting to ask you something for some time now and… and I think the anxiety of what you may answer has been haunting me. So much so that I let it drive me to think you might be hiding things from me. Or maybe it was my way of trying to protect myself from pain again, but I know now that it only makes me hurt even more to think of a life without you.” Secondo confessed, pouring his heart out to Marz as the rest of the room fell quiet. 

“What are you saying?” she asked, the tears unable to stop themselves from beading up in the corners of her eyes. Marz, nervously wringing her habit in her hands as she trembled.

“What I am saying is—Marzanna, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else…” Secondo began, dropping down his knees before her. 

“Oh my—” Marz said as he took her hand in his and stared up into her eyes. 

“My heart has been wounded before and I have been afraid to love, but you—you have shown me what true love really is. What it means to love someone and to have them love you. I wake up every day thanking Lucifer that he has brought you into my life. Even from that first moment in the garden I felt it, there was something different about you. Something I never want to be without. I love you Marzanna and I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I want you to be my Prime Mover. For our love to manifest itself in physical form—for you and I to have a child. I want it all—and I want it with you.” Secondo confessed, laying bare his soul. His own eyes pricked and stinging with tears. Vulnerable in front of her and everyone else, a true testament for just how deep his love was for her.  

“Oh Secondo, do you really mean it?” Marz asked him, noting Cumulus and Aurora off to the side practically chomping at the bit for her to tell him her own confession.

“I do, will you have me? Will you do me the honor of spending the rest of your days by my side—will you carry our child?”

“I—I have something I need to tell you.” Marz said, Secondo becoming instantly on edge for what may come next. 

“I’m pregnant.” she said, with her whole chest. Her eyes closed as the tears came streaming down her cheeks. Secondo, rising up to his feet. Pulling Marzanna up in his arms. Spinning her around in pure joy as he kissed her deeply. 

“Is it true amore?” he asked, Marz happily nodding her head and kissing him once more. Both of them, crying and smiling against each other’s lips. 

“Oh shit… that was fast.” Terzo said, breaking the silence of the room. Alé, giving him a slap to the chest as she rolled her eyes. Primo, shaking his head knowing that he, along with the ghouls, had already known for weeks about Marzanna’s pregnancy. 

“That's why she’s been hanging out with us a lot… trying to figure out a way to tell you. We picked up on it right away.” Aurora beamed.

“Oh, so that explains it then.” Copia said, putting it all together. Secondo finally set Marzanna’s feet back down on the floor. Both of them, stupidly smiling at one another. Like a pair of highschool lovers, starry eyed and overcome, when Secondo placed a gentle hand to her belly. 

“How long have you known?” he smiled.

“For sometime now.” she admitted, smiling back.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? We could have saved ourselves from all this mess.” Secondo said, chuckling a bit as his fingertips grazed the spot just above where his child slumbered inside her. 

“I meant too, but I wasn’t sure how or when. Why didn’t you tell me you wanted me to be your Prime Mover?”

“I was worried I would get hurt again… but that is in the past now. I am ready for the future.”

“And this whole thing with them?” Marzanna laughed, motioning over to a very guilty looking Copia and Terzo.

“Don't mind them amore, they were just trying to help and well you know what they say about the road to Hell. it’s paved with—” Secondo began, hugging Marzanna before she finished his thought.

“Good intentions.” she smiled, kissing him once more.

Notes:

Sei serio?- Are you serious?

Va bene bambini, calmiamoci tutti- Alright children, let's all calm down. 

Voi due non sapete di cosa state parlando. Idioti.- You two don’t know what youre talking about. Idiots. 

Mi dispiace- I'm sorry

[zukosasukelovebot]

I have brain rot

I made a story inspired by @fantasticmrfoxxie post and here it is.

If you want to read it on ao3 here's the link

....

You see. Sokka had experience in sex. That Zuko knew as much. He had partners before him. Sokka had needs, Zuko knew that. 

It didn't stop the burning rage he felt for each of the people he's slept with. He should have been Sokka's first. He knew it was irrational to get mad at them, he didn't even know Sokka existed before then. But one look at the Water Tribe warrior and he was reminded why he had partners in the first place.

Sokka wasn't muscley by any means. But he wasn't frail and weak either. He had enough to grip onto and feel. He had enough to let your fingernails drag along it and feel him flex underneath. 

Zuko groaned at the thought. 

"You like that?"  Sokka asked.

He opened his eyes in a daze. He had forgotten the warrior was on top of him right now, seducing him. His BOYFRIEND.  How did he manage to dissociate in the middle of something like this?

Zuko reached for his face with his hands and covered his eyes, groaning, sounding a little pained.

"Okay. That didn't sound good," Sokka said, leaning down and sitting in his lap. Which wasn't a good idea considering Zuko was half hard.

"What's wrong?" Sokka asked, reaching to grab at Zuko's arm and moving his hands from his eyes. 

Zuko's eyes were like a pool of fire, softly swaying in the breeze. "I'm scared," he said honestly. 

Sokka frowned. "Of sex? I'll go at whatever pace you need me to," Sokka promised.

Zuko shook his head. He wasn't scared of sex. In fact he was excited for Sokka to be his first. 

"I'm scared that I won't measure up to your past partners. That..  that I won't be good enough for you," Zuko whispered. 

Sokka's face morphed into an incredibly soft expression as he reached for Zuko's non scarred cheek and stroked the skin there. Zuko all but leaned into it. 

"Zuko..  I'm not with you because of your experience in sex. I'm with you because I love you and want to make you feel good. You trust me right?"

Zuko nodded without hesitation. He trusted no one else more than Sokka. 

"Then trust me when I say you'll exceed all of my expectations, " he said, leaning down to kiss his cheek. Zuko turned his face so the kiss landed on his lips.

Sokka's eyes widened a little but then they closed, leaning into the kiss with a hum. 

Zuko felt a fire burn inside of him. He listened to it and flipped Sokka on the bed and straddled him instead. 

He yelped inside Zuko's mouth before letting go with a pant. 

"What?"

"I… I want to make you feel good," Zuko said, clearly  going off a whim."You're always doing things for other people. Let me… let me do this for you?"

Sokka felt his heart triple in speed and his face get red.

"So that's a yes then," Zuko said smugly, ducking his head to kiss at Sokka's collarbone. 

Sokka let out a hitched breath, his hands going up to rest on Sokka's bareback. 

It was the first time he had seen Zuko's scar fully. It went down to about his rib cage. He wanted to kiss it. 

"Ha!" He breathed when Zuko bit down , leaving a mark. 

"Mine," he hummed in approval. 

Sokka couldn't say anything and Zuko kept going  lower and lower, his eyes trained on Sokka's face. 

 "Where did this confidence come from?" Sokka teased. 

"You," Zuko said simply.  "Your reply is what I needed to hear."

…

Sokka's face was pressed into the pillow as Zuko thrusted into his ass. A pale hand was spread against one cheek and nails were dug into his skin. 

"Ah, fuckkk," he groaned, when Zuko brushed up against a bundle of nerves.

"There it is," he purred, pounding away at it now.

Sokka's mind went blank and all he could think of was Zuko. Zuko was fucking him and he was at his mercy but he was loving all of it. Sokka didn't bend for anyone, but he'd do it for Zuko if it meant he could hear him calling him a good boy.

"Cum,"  Zuko breathed

"What?" He asked. His voice sounded far away. 

"Gonna cum."

"W-wait. Pull out,"  Sokka begged, pushing at Zuko's hips.

It took a couple moments for Zuko to pull out.

Sokka brought himself up and turned around. He pulled off the condom he was using and wrapped his hand around his dick, jerking him off. 

Zuko threw his head back, his mouth slacked open as heavy pants escaped it. 

He looked every bit of a painting. 

"I love you,"  Sokka whispered to him. 

With that Zuko came. Sokka didn't stop jerking him off until he was sure he was fully milked before letting go, his hand covered in cum.

Zuko twitched, his body hypersensitive and aware of what just happened. 

Sokka reached his clean hand up in the air, as if he was saying stop. 

Zuko looked down at him, confused. "What?"

"Give me your hand," Sokka said, his smile wide.

Zuko was confused but did it anyway, doing the same motion. 

Sokka hi fixed him. "Good job buddy."

Zuko's whole body went cold. He glared at Sokka. "Just for that I'm not getting you off."

"What?!" Sokka whined. "You obviously needed high fives!"

Zuko shook his head in exasperation. Sokka was an idiot. Even in a situation like this one. But he was so so in love with that idiot he didn't even mind it.

"Idiot,"  Zuko said with no real bite.

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Let me get you a towel so I can clean you off. Maybe I'll be generous and finish off the job."

Sokka huffed. "You're just a hater of the high fives."

"In a situation like this, yes," Zuko said before slipping off the bed.

Sokka couldn't help but admire his boyfriend from the back. 

"I love you,"  Sokka said, his voice incredibly fond.

Zuko froze. The way he said that made him turn around.

"I love you too," he said back.

"A high five for the I love yous?" Sokka asked happily.

"Absolutely  not,"  Zuko deadpanned, walking away so he could get the supposes to clean Sokka up.

[girl-next-door-writes]

So Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas Now

Characters: Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: An accident (or an act of Munson) leads to Steve needing to raise his temperature. Lucky for him, you are there to help.

Word Count: 1100 words

Prompt: #3: Warming up in a bathtub big enough for two

A/N: This one officially marks the end of my Steven’s Greetings! If you have enjoyed what you’ve read, then please feel free to reblog and go check out my Masterlist. If you didn’t, that’s cool, you move on with your life and find yourself some fics that you love.

It was an accident. Everybody swore blind that it had been an accident. It wasn’t like anyone would have ever done that on purpose, not with the temperatures as they were, not even though that had all found it hilariously funny. The fact that Dustin’s legs had given out on him, leaving him in a crumpled heap of hysterics on one of the pool chairs definitely didn’t mean that Eddie had orchestrated the situation. Well, not that Steve could prove anyway.

The cigarette that he’d been smoking was now limp between his lips, the beer he’d been holding sinking to the bottom of the pool as Steve very slowly ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face. The unimpressed expression on his face only served to provide a second wave of laughter from those gathered. He looked like a drowned rat standing there in the pool, his usually voluminous hair flat and stringy.

“Come on, it’s not that funny.” You said, trying hard to hold back your own amusement. The two of you had been deep in conversation, Steve trying to impress you about something, when Eddie had ‘bumped’ into him, sending the poor boy sprawling into the freezing water.

Steve made his way to the poolside, his clothes dragging him with each step. He reached up to take the hand you had offered and then the world seemed to go into slow motion.

Now, it could have been another Munson move, or maybe Steve just gripped stronger than he had intended, either way there was a yelp of panic, followed by Nancy and Robin scrambling, and failing, to grab hold of you as you lost your balance and landed rather ungracefully on your boyfriend, taking him back beneath the waters surface.

When the two of you emerged, Steve noted that the laughter had died down and people looked genuinely concerned. Yeah, him being pushed into a pool was hilarious, but it turned out they didn’t think the same about you.

“Are you okay?” Robin asked as you spluttered a little, wiping the water from your eyes and leaving streaks of mascara, making you look more like a damp panda.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just cold.” You grinned as you shivered.

“Come on, let’s get you into something dry and warm.” Steve insisted, guiding you to the steps while shielding your body from everyone else. The last thing he wanted was everyone seeing the material clinging to you and making comments he himself would be very happy to make if it wasn’t for the risk of hypothermia right now.

As the two of you squelched inside, he grabbed a blanket off the back of a chair in the kitchen and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“We should take off as much as we can here, that way we don’t end up with a trail of water all the way to my room.” He frowned, knowing the grilling he would get if he ‘ruined the carpets’. Kicking off his shoes, he tugged his sweater over his head and dropped it into a pile on the tiled floor, his socks and jeans quickly joining them leaving him in just his underwear. That was something he didn’t think twice about until he saw you staring at him slack jawed, and then he became incredibly self-conscious. Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked like a lost child as his nerves were written across his face for all to see.

“Sorry.” You shook your head, suddenly realising you had been staring. “You just- it- that- I mean- “

“You wanna finish a sentence? A guy could get all kinds of worried over here.” He half joked, his cheeks beginning to flush despite how his body was shivering.

“You’re really freaking hot. I mean, I knew you were, well, are, but knowing it and seeing it, that’s two different things. Sorry. I was just appreciating the view.” You gave him a lopsided smile and he ducked his head, trying to hide his own smile.

“Yeah, well, stripping in my kitchen was not the way I thought this would go, but I’ll take it.” He shot you a wink and then offered to hold the blanket for you while you removed layers.

Ever the gentleman, Steve closed his eyes as you stripped down to your underwear, even though he really wanted to peek. It was only when he heard Eddie wander into the kitchen behind him that he quickly wrapped the blanket around you, partly to protect your modesty but also partly because he didn’t want anyone else seeing his girlfriend in her underwear. That was a view just for him, boyfriend’s privilege.

“Can you ask Nancy to throw this stuff in the dryer for me?”

“I can do that!” Eddie grinned, already reaching for the wet clothes.

“Nancy. I don’t want to get down here and find everything shrunk or some shit.” Steve said pointedly causing Eddie to give him his best kicked puppy look.

“Just trying to help.”

“Yeah, well, you can help by getting Nancy. NOT Robin. NOT Dustin. Nancy. Jonathan at a push.” Steve insisted as he guided you towards the staircase, rubbing his hands over your blanket encased form to create a little heat.  

Once upstairs, he grabbed the comforter from the end of his bed and wrapped it around him, his teeth chattering.

“Steve, baby, I’m not sure just a dry set of clothes is gonna be enough to warm you up. You’ve been cold for too long. How about I run you a bath, we can you’re your body temperature up, then we can get you all wrapped up in sweats.” You frowned, noting the paleness of his skin and the way he was shivering.

“You’re just as cold. You should have the bath, I’ll be fine.” He protested, not used to someone taking care of him, that wasn’t how this worked. “I’ve got some stuff you can wear once you get out and while you take a bath, I can go make some hot drinks.”

“Steve. You’re freezing.” You said softly, tenderly caressing his cheek. “Is there any way I can convince you to get that fine ass of yours in the bath?”

“I’ll be okay. You need to warm up.” He hummed, leaning into your touch.

“Hold up, Harrington. Your house is huge, I’m betting your bathtub is big enough for two. Want to test out my theory?” You gave him your best innocent look and he chuckled.

“Now that is definitely one way of getting me into that bath. Lead the way.”

[it-happened-one-fic]

Dancing With Visions - Perfect Lead - Foxtrot - Xingqiu

Author Notes: The second fic for my "Dancing With Visions" fic series for Genshin Impact. The Foxtrot is a lovely ballroom dance that is fairly well known since it's a common choice for wedding dances. The performance in this fic was inspired by the spring 2012 dance lab performance by BYU Spring Ballroom Dance Team to the song LOVE by Michael Buble which can be watched here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVGTLEK69I4&list=PLVg_j5iznUjYWnT-fYAHMVVKxIxc0Yfb6&index=37, The fic itself was actually written to “Everything” by Michael Buble though. Just like the rest of this series, reader is female. I hope you enjoy!

If you would like to read more of this series, the fics can be found here: Dancing with Visions Masterlist

Type: Female reader/ Can be platonic or romantic/ fluff/ dance/ sfw

Word Count: 1242

There was something odd about walking into the room as part of a long line of matching couples at Xingqiu’s side. Almost like there was a sense of deja vu due to the number of practices you’d done as a group. 

And truthfully, you didn’t know anyone here other than Xingqiu. But when he’d asked if you would be his partner for a dance show involving numerous couples all performing the same foxtrot as a group, you’d accepted.

You hadn’t really known the dance beforehand and had to learn it just for this occasion, but Xingqiu was a longtime friend of yours, even despite the difference in your rank. 

With that said, though, you were almost positive that everyone here, as either a dancer or a member of the audience, was, save for yourself, a member of the nobility. Either that or, at the very least, they had a hefty bit of money.

You almost cringed to think how much money Xingqiu must have spent on your dress that perfectly matched those of all of the other ladies present. Not that he’d cared, of course. He hadn’t minded shelling out the mora at all. You had to match the other women, or all that practice would have been for naught after all.

He’d been even more thrilled when he’d been able to tell you to simply keep the dress and think of it as a gift or payment for dancing with him.

But none of that really mattered now that the performance was about to start. 

You pivoted to face him, noting the smile on his face as you smiled nervously in return while the audience began to politely applaud as the music started.

Xingqiu spun out almost immediately to smile charmingly at the crowd as you carefully struck your pose. One gloved arm reaching up towards the sky as you stepped out just enough to show the rich fabric of your skirts.

His eyes darted your way as he stepped lightly towards your side, and you did the same, immediately beginning to pivot together and carefully linking your arms so that you’d be ready to spin out as soon as you made your full rotation.

Perhaps the most nerve-wracking thing about this entire performance was that you had to move perfectly in time with the other couples. 

Simply put, no one would stare unless you were out of time, but if you got off beat, suddenly everyone would be looking at you.

The group split evenly in two. One half going to the left side of the room while your section moved to the right as you slowly and elegantly slipped into the dance’s closed hold with Xingqiu. Your hand one had now clasped in his while the other found his shoulder, and his free hand carefully rested against your upper back.

The elegance that came with doing a foxtrot seemed to come naturally to Xinqiu as he glided across the floor with you. Guiding you to walk backwards before twirling you out so that you could sashay sideways and pass by the dancers as the half of the performance you were on shifted to the left side of the room.

Perhaps the oddest thing about doing this performance was that it would, at anyone else's side, be incredibly frightening. But as you danced along with Xingqiu, you found yourself genuinely smiling as you relaxed into the gliding motions that he led you through.

He leaned forward, an easy smile still on his face, as he guided you back across the room to trade places with another couple, “One this turn, look towards the window.”

He offered no explanation for his whispered instructions, but you did as you were told. Glancing out the window, only for your eyes to collide with Xiangling’s, where she stood next to Chongyun. Peeking through the window, waving, and cheering you on.

You felt your smile grow at the sight of them before you realized, all too soon, that the part you’d dreaded the most about this entire performance had already come.

The switching of partners.

You stopped in a carefully choreographed pause, looking towards Xingqiu as he smiled at you reassuringly before stepping backwards. One hand still outstretched towards you as if he didn’t truly want to leave you before he turned to accept his new partner.

And you knew that all of this was choreographed, but you could help but feel strangely touched by the gesture paired with the smile on his face.

And even though you spiraled with the unfamiliar noble man who carefully led you, you found yourself looking forward to when you separated to rejoin your partner, who was the entire reason you were here.

It wasn’t as if dancing with this other man was bad, per se. But you knew perfectly well that you wouldn’t really be comfortable until you returned to Xingqiu.

And blessedly, the time came soon, with you sweeping away from your brief partner and trotting with barely contained excitement back to where Xingqiu stood. Barely containing his chuckle as he accepted your outstretched hand, like he’d been awaiting your return all this time.

You reentered your graceful circuit of the room once more. Spiraling with the other couples and creating a perfectly beautiful image of choreographed, matching couples for those who watched.

You parted from Xingqiu briefly, joining the other women to swirl around the room as if each of you were doing your best to show off every inch of fabric within your skirts as your partners watched. Dutifully lined up along the wall.

And most of the men watched with slight interest, some nodding at certain motions while maintaining their almost rigid position. 

But with each turn, you could see Xingqiu standing out from the group as he watched you with a fond and proud smile.

Patiently awaiting his cue before he marched across the room to rejoin you, watching as you briefly partnered with yet another unfamiliar noble before Xingqiu reclaimed your hand.

And then you stayed with him, half breathless as you swirled across the floor, racing towards the end of the performance before everyone once more lined up. 

Each couple arm in arm before the lead looked towards the lady next to them, Xingqiu’s eyes meeting yours with a grin before he spun you out so you could take your ending pose. The last couple of the line to do so just as the applause began. Thundering through the room as all of the couples turned as one and quite literally danced their way out of the room.

Smiles of relief splitting across everyone’s faces as you and Xingqiu both laughed. Relieved that it was finally over and still giddy from having danced.

Xingiqu leaned closer to you as everyone at last finished exiting the stage, laughter still on his lips as he whispered to you, “You were perfect.”

You found yourself giggling slightly even as your heartbeat at last relaxed back to a normal pace as you recovered from the fact that you’d just literally performed in front of an entire slew of nobles alongside another posse of nobles. Something you never thought you’d do and never would have been able to do if it weren’t for Xingqiu.

“All thanks to my perfect lead,” Your gaze met his and you both smiled at each other, something unspoken passing between the two of you before you both started laughing once more.

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[ghostydrawsstuff]

I looked down the darkened alley, then back at the ground where an almost golden yellow rose lay before my own two feet. I still had no idea where it came from, I had followed a distressed call down the path barely wide enough to fit me comfortably and after yet another turn I had seen it just laying there. Still. Untouched. Undisturbed.

Why was it there? Why did I run into it? Why did I even follow the voice in the first place? It was late at night in a city with recent missing reports skyrocketing. I slowly shook my head and wanted to turn around, just quickly walk back to the main street I had left and forget about this, but for some reason I didn’t. I couldn’t. I couldn’t will my body to move, not even an inch. All I could do was look back at the rose, which now had a note laying next to it.

I felt the shock ripple through my body, like the disturbed surface of water after throwing a rock into it just because you felt like it. “Consider it.” The note said in cursive handwriting, it was a little hard to read, but it wasn’t impossible like doctor writing. I took a deep breath, hoping it would calm my nerves enough to allow myself to move once more. I took a small step back, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to move further away, which also didn’t make any sense. I stared back at the rose, it was just a flower, what harm could it even possibly bring? And if it meant this strange feeling would pass then I’d take my chances, what are the chances of finding a poisonous rose in the middle of a city at night? I mean really it was harmless, it had to be.

I kneeled down to pick it up from the cold ground and slowly stood back up, the feeling washed away, I must have been right about it. Still I eyed my surroundings a little more carefully as I made my way back to my less than small apartment, from the living room I got a small white vase. It had collected a little dust from all the time of being left in the shelf, unused as I was rarely home long enough to notice the dullness of the rooms. I had had no need for it until now.

I felt a deep sigh leave me as I sluggishly threw my jacket over a chair at my living room table and walked near the entrance to kick off my shoes. I felt the exhaustion of the long work day finally settle in. Creeping in like the cold on a winter day when you misjudged the frost outside. I thought I wouldn’t make it to my bed in time, but somehow my tired body managed the task. I flopped down on my bed and didn’t even bother to lift my blanket over my body and, while half asleep, threw my shirt and jeans to the end of the bed, feeling my consciousness already slip to the sweet relief of sleep. Resting undisturbed until something changed.

I just started blinking awake when an odd feeling made me shudder, my brain was aware that not only was I being watched, I also wasn’t alone in my room anymore. Someone was in here with me, even though that shouldn’t be the case, I’ve been living alone for five years now. My eyes darted around the room, but it was too dark for me to actually see anything, there were only slightly darker shadows where I knew my furniture was, the dresser, the one plant I actually had, the desk along with a very uncomfortable chair.

Then I realized that next to the plant was another darker shade of black, it was tall, but I couldn’t see anything else. Although that alone got my adrenaline running, I sat up but froze at the deep, rumbling sound of laughter, which didn’t sound good at all. I wanted to scream, but my throat felt incredibly dry and even if I did, would anyone even hear me and care enough to call the police?

I took another quick look around my room, but the silhouette was no longer where it had been, it just… disappeared. Gone, like it had never even been there in the first place. Had it even been real? Had my brain just tried to spook me as a sort of punishment for not getting enough sleep and working such long hours? It was probably just that, right? I calmed my breathing and looked around again longer, observing my room for some dead silent moments. Everything was how it should be, nothing out of place or any extra shadows in the dark. But just to make sure I reached for the switch on the lamp standing on my nightstand. The soft yellowish light illuminated the room, drawing out long shadows and finally allowing me to see properly. The desk was still neatly organized and the plant was still just a little bit drying up, but next to my lazily thrown clothes was a black coat.

It wasn’t mine, the coat I owned was dark brown and in the living room, not in my bedroom. Then I heard the sound of shifting fabric just next to me and my bed creaking just ever so slightly. I slowly shifted my eyes from the end of the bed to the other side of the already not very big bed. And there just next to me, lay something inhuman but still resembling a person just enough to make me jump. I fell from the bed, scrambling as far away as I could until I hit the plant, knocking it over. I heard the ceramic of its pot fall to the floor as it broke. But just as the high pitched noise rang in my ear I startled awake again. I sat up right in my bed, feeling sweat drench my undershirt and run down my forehead. I quickly turn over to my lamp and turned it on, my room was empty of anything that shouldn’t be there. Even the plant was still standing in place, untouched. Undisturbed.

My breathing slowly calmed down from quick short breaths to more normal ones, though I still felt more than a little jumpy and nervous. Well that was a weird dream. Slowly I took my phone and looked at the time, it was a little past 2 a.m and I innerly groaned. It was way too early to get up, but there was also no way I could get back to sleep, no matter how tired I still felt. I dragged myself over to the side and let my feet dangle from the bed a little. Was there anything important I had to do? Not really, I could just fix up the apartment a little, clean it more thoroughly than I could have for a while now. It would take my mind off of what had just happened for sure and maybe make me tired enough to go back to sleeping afterwards.

I got up and made sure to turn on all of the lights, I felt a little uneasy otherwise, staring off into the shadows. I hadn't really been afraid of the dark for a long time now, but I felt just like a little kid again, needing the reassurance of a parent that no darling, that's just a chair in the dark not a child eating monster. While cleaning I slowly grew more frustrated, the most random things kept disappearing, I would spend precious minutes looking for them absolutely everywhere just for them to appear again somewhere behind me when I had just given up with a deep sigh.

I was just looking for a tissue box when I heard my fridge being opened, I froze for a moment. If I turned around now would I actually see something or would there just be gaping, unexplainable nothingness again? I gathered whatever courage my sleep craving brain could muster and turned around, spraying bottle raised and heart pounding a mile a minute. And for a fraction of a moment I saw something leaned over and looking into my fridge, before absolutely nothing. But there had been something, I was not going crazy, something was doing this to me. But why and what?

I went over to the fridge, hesitating as I stood before it, not far from where that being had been. The cold air of the fridge reached my body and as I reached out to close the door I realized that some of my food was missing. I didn't do anything for a moment, just dumb founded. There was a creature or something toying with me and it just decided to steal some of my food… God next up someone's gonna randomly jump from a hiding spot with a camera and reveal that I'm on one of those wacky prank shows.

Slowly I closed the fridge, I rested my hand on the door for a moment, just what was happening? Then I heard heavy footsteps somewhere behind me. My heart was basically in my throat, pounding so fast it hurt and I turned quickly, almost tripping myself in the process. That… thing had to be behind me, ready to pounce or do whatever it does, but there was nothing. I looked around the room frantically, it… he? He had to be somewhere, anywhere!

I just wanted to yell in frustration, god what even caused this?! Realization hit me hard like a particularly strong wind, the rose. It was the fault of the golden colored flower. Maybe if I threw it out..?

Something in my gut screamed at me to not even consider that as a possibility. I went back to my room, my nerves rising with each step until I saw that it was all still as it should be. Except that on my bed was no blanket. I stared for a moment before I couldn't help but smirk a little. Well whoever was messing with me did not account for the extra blanket I keep in my wardrobe. Feeling like I had at least won a little bit I laid back on the bed and snuggled under my blanket. Still I made sure that I was very much covered, I wasn't alone in my own home anymore after all.

[torra-and-the-toons]

Not sure if you know about the interview with storyboard artist Joel Dickie, where he mentioned he pictured Edd as a woman in the future, and also not completely sure if this is up your alley, but: writing prompt "can I tell you a secret?", with Dee having a heart-to-heart with Eddy about gender identity?

I do know about it! I fully and whole-heartedly love the idea of Trans Edd! In fact, I very vividly remember when watching the show as a kid, there was a brief time when I seriously thought Edd was a girl, same with Jimmy tbh.

It was something silly too that made me think that, like an early season when Edd wore his towel over his nips like a girl would and that's what made my child brain wonder if Edd was actually a girl. Jimmy I only realized was a boy upon rewatching ed edd n eddy in my 20's. Throughout my whole childhood I was legitimately confused why they showed Jimmy shirtless in his swimsuit lmao!

I'm just a little hesitant to write for the headcanon because I don't have a lot of knowledge or experience in what it's like transitioning like that, and I'm terrified of misrepresenting people who are trans in real life, so I usually leave it to people who know better than I do.

But I'll take a crack at it for you, I'm sorry if it's poorly depicted.

#13 "Can I tell you a secret?" Edd/Eddy, trans!Edd (I use she/her for Edd, but she still has the same name because I'm not creative enough to think of one right now, sorry.)

It was incredible, really… how truly shameless Eddy was at times, Edd discovered one day as the man in question burst into her room, unannounced with yet another dirty magazine in hand.

“Hey, Double Dee! Check out my new mag!” rips through the veil of peaceful silence like a machete, startling Edd so badly that she nearly fell off her desk chair. She cast a wild glance at Eddy, who was already trudging happily through her room to plop himself down on her bed like he owned the place. Really, who could believe this guy?!

“There’s an invention called knocking, Eddy, have you heard of it?!” she quipped angrily.

Eddy ignored her words, instead he held out his new magazine with a smug grin. “Check it out! It’s a vintage edition playboy! Can you believe it?!” he exclaimed, barely able to contain his stifled chuckles of excitement.

Edd’s stomach dropped when her eyes skimmed over the risqué cover. Even before she started questioning her gender identity, such magazines always made her vaguely uncomfortable. It felt wrong to even look at them, to indulge in the objectifying of a woman’s body. How Eddy could read them so callously was beyond her. Even still, she couldn’t ignore the pang of envy she felt, to have such a beautiful form to flaunt must be nice.

Edd cleared her throat. “Really, Eddy? Another paycheck down the drain to fuel your never-ending sex-drive?”

Eddy’s brows furrowed. “No! We found this in my brother’s room when we were cleaning it out, tucked away in a hidden corner! It’s a one of a kind and now it’s all mine!” he cackled as he threw himself onto his back and opened the cover.

“You better not be thinking of doing anything indecent on my bed…” Edd said pointedly.

“Relax! I’m just lookin’!”

“Did you have a point in barging into my room? Other than to flaunt your crude magazine?”

“Don’t you want in on this Hot Babe Action?!” Eddy snickered, flapping about his magazine in a tantalizing manner. “Aren’t you a man? Where’s your sense of adventure?!”

Edd bit her lip so hard, she nearly drew blood. All at once she was hit with a wall of anxiety. She’d never told Eddy the truth, or anyone else for that matter, despite battling with her gender identity for the better half of a year now. She was afraid of the reactions of her peers, but more importantly her dearest friends, and her deepest crush.

But right now, it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide it. She drew in a shaking breath in an attempt to steady her rattled nerves. This wasn’t how she was expecting her day to go, but today would be the day she would talk about this with him.

Eddy hadn’t seemed to pick up on her anxious shift in body language as he went back to skimming the pages. Edd swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Would you like me if I looked like them?” she asked, her voice small and trembling.

Eddy peeked over the pages, his brows furrowed in confusion. “What’re you talkin’ about?”

“The girls on your magazine… would you like me if I looked like them?” she repeated.

Eddy was dreadfully quiet for entirely too long as his gaze flickered between the pages and Edd. Finally, he let out a breathy chuckle.

“You feelin’ okay, Sockhead?”

Edd’s palms clammed up. That wasn’t quite the response she’d hoped for… She was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to backpedal her way out of this conversation but used every ounce of her willpower to stay strong.

He needed to hear this.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Finally, Eddy seemed to pick up on the seriousness in the atmosphere as he sat up, watching Edd curiously. “Yea, of course.”

Edd’s heart was pounding so hard, she swore Eddy could see it beating through the fabric of her shirt. “I don’t identify as a man… not anymore.”

She desperately wished she could see what Eddy was thinking as he processed what she told him. For a solid minute, he merely stared blankly at her. There was no sign of disgust, at least, she thought to herself hopefully.

Realizing he’d been silent for too long, Eddy cleared his throat awkwardly. “Wait… for real?” he practically squeaked.

“Yes,” Edd affirmed. “Are you that surprised? I’ve never been the epidemy of masculinity like you.”

“N-No, I’m just--... You want to be a woman?”

“I’d appreciate it if you addressed me as such, yes,” Edd explained as calmly as she could muster.

Eddy fell silent again. She knew deep down that he was merely processing this information, but right now his silence was the loudest sound in existence. She wanted to hear his true thoughts, not stare at a blank face.

“Do you hate me for it?” She found the question escape her before she could stop it, and nearly clasped her own hands over her mouth in regret.

“Of course not!” Eddy answered almost immediately, his conviction clear in his assertive tone. By now, his new magazine had been cast aside, forgotten about momentarily in this newfound moment between them.

“You’ve been my best friend since we were kids, nothing will change that!” Eddy explained. “It’s just… a lot to take in.”

His words lifted the heavy blanket of anxiety that had draped over Edd’s shoulders. Eddy may be a crude and brutish man, but to have his acceptance meant to world to her, more than he may ever know.

“And for the record…” Eddy began awkwardly, clearing his throat. His cheeks turned a shade darker as he averted his eyes bashfully. “You might not be a playboy model, but… you are still an attractive girl… just sayin’.”

Edd couldn’t help but to smile. “Thank you, Eddy.”