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haikyuu-appreciation-club · 4 years

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i was wondering of you would do a request for an s/o of some of the "benchwarmer" characters (like yamaguchi rip D:) where s/o always comes to their games and makes them feel insecure, but they discover that s/o does homework/doesn't pay attention unless they are called to play, and only cheer for them!

hello hello anon!!

im so so so glad that we’re showing some love to our “benchwarmer” characters

this was honestly such a cute idea and I appreciate you being so patient with me

I decided to throw in ennoshita and kyotani because they don't get a lot of time on the court either sooo I hope you don't mind :)

anywhooo I hope you enjoy!!

(btw this definitely isn't my best work sooo I apologize in advance lolz)

•Yamaguchi, Ennoshita, + Kyotani w/ a Supportive S/O•

warnings: none

genre: fluff

characters: yamaguchi, ennoshita, + kyotani

•Yamaguchi•

yamaguchi always got very nervous whenever you mentioned you were attending one of his games

as a pinch server, he rarely got the opportunity to play and when he did, he never felt like his performance was good enough for you to see

not to mention you always made it a point to wear his spare jersey to each one of his games which raised his nerves more then he would care to admit

he really doubted himself on that court and felt like he wasn't good enough for you to be up in those stands representing him not to mention his spare jersey looked really really good on you

it meant the world to him that you supported him but he didn't want to disappoint you

this particular game, coach ukai had promised yamaguchi that he would definitely be put in

which is why everyone couldn't understand why he seemed so down in the dumps

tanaka was the first one to point out his bad mood,

“Yo! Yamaguchi, what’s up with you dude? You look all pouty.”

hinata decided now would be a good time to add his two cents,

“Yeah! You get to be all swoosh, bam, boom today! You should be excited!”

yamaguchi couldn't lie, he was pretty happy about being guaranteed a few serves this game but he couldn't push away the negativity that clouded his mind.

“Oh, uh, I don't know. I guess its just Y/N is going to be here today and I already know that with all your guy’s amazing plays, my serves won't really matter and I just want them to be proud of me.”

the team stood in silence for a moment

was that really how yamaguchi felt about himself compared to everyone else?

sure, he didn't get to play often but without him they wouldn't have been able to get out of some tricky situations

surprisingly tsukishima was the one to break the silence this time,

“Wow, are you really that much of an idiot yamaguchi?”

a chorus of scolds came from his teammates

yams was about to apologize but tsukki continued his speech,

“Your precious s/o doesn't even pay attention to the rest of us. They only watch the game when they know you’re involved. So, you don't have to worry about us stealing your spotlight. Now, quit being stupid and stretch will you?”

was that really true? did you seriously come to support him and him only?

maybe tsukishima was just saying that to try and get him to forget about what was troubling him but he couldn't concentrate on that right now, he had to get his head in the game for the sake of his team and you ofc

however, curiosity got the best of him, so as his teammates played, he took a peek up at you to find you skimming through a textbook

all this time he felt insecure that you would think he was a bad player compared to the rest of his team mates but now he knew that you didn't even have the opportunity to compare them when you were only focused on his plays

he felt his heart swell with pride as he promised himself he would play with all his strength for you

and sure enough his serves had never been better

your cheers could be heard the loudest throughout the gym and he couldn't miss the large smile on your face as he looked to you in the stands

as soon as the game had concluded, you ran down to the court and threw your arms around him, congratulating him again and again on how well he did

he buried his face into your neck in attempts to hide the blush that was spreading across his cheeks like a wildfire

that day, he went home feeling accomplished, with his own personal cheerleader right by his side

•Ennoshita•

ennoshita didn't really get many opportunities to step on the court and show his skills

honestly, his lack of playing time made him pretty insecure in his ability to be on the same level as his teammates

he was never very confident and often found himself wondering if he deserved to be on a team with such skillful players

which was why he wasn't always excited when you attended his games

its not as if he didn't love seeing you in those stands, cheering him on, but he hated that there was always a possibility that he could disappoint you

especially since you were always so excited to come and support him

this was all he could think about as he sat stretching on the gym floor with the rest of the team

and his far off expression didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the boys

daichi decided to pull him aside and talk to him about what was on his mind before the game started

after all, he couldn't have such an important asset stuck with his head in the clouds

“Hey Ennoshita, everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s just Y/N is here and I honestly don’t know if I can play to her expectations.”

daichi understood what was going on with his underclassmen now

he had known that ennoshita was not the most confident when it came to his volleyball skill, but he didn't know that he was this blind to his own talent,

“You know, I don't think Y/N has every really showed any interest in anyone else’s plays other than yours.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“Maybe you're too focused on what's going on on the court but they’re usually always scrolling through their phone or reading a book unless you get swapped in.”

now that daichi mentioned it, ennoshita never really heard your voice cheering from the stands unless he was on the court and you always seemed pretty oblivious when he talked to you about plays he wasn't involved in

he knew that you supported him with all he did but he was always a bit nervous that you would start to notice how well everyone else played and view his skills differently

discovering you came to his games for him and him only warmed his heart

lucky for you both, ennoshita had been subbed in for most of this game due to daichi getting a minor injury don't worry daichi is fine, don't start planning his funeral yet

you were over the moon that your boyfriend got to spend so much time on the court that day, you always loved watching him play

ennoshita could hear your cheers for him echo throughout the whole gym, causing his confidence to skyrocket

safe to say, you were definitely his lucky charm for that game

even with all the commotion after their win, all ennoshita could focus on was encasing you in a loving hug

after all, he couldn't have done it without you

•Kyotani•

kyotani didn't get the opportunity to be on the court often

he was a very strong and skilled player but his attitude usually caused him to sit out for many of aoba johsai’s games

this never stopped you from coming to support him though

no matter how much time he spent in the game you would show up and cheer him on

kyotani didn't really understand your reasoning though, he was barely ever put in so what was the point of coming at all

although he was quiet about it, he really loved having you at his games

being able to catch a glimpse of your smile when ever his temper got the best of him on the court was a huge reason he wasn't already kicked off the team

but he still felt as though he was wasting your time

he couldn't even begin to imagine how disappointed you were with every game you attended

he tried to get you to quit coming to his games but you simply refused, letting him know that if you weren't in attendance, you could miss the opportunity to see his talent shine

as much as it could be a pain in his ass, your enthusiasm was kind of nice

which was the only reason he agreed to let you continue to come to his games

this game in particular, kyotani seemed to be on his best behavior

maybe seeing you in his spare jersey had something to do with it but no one needed to know that kyo bby, everyone knows that, pls stop staring y/n down like an animal

he was determined to stay on the court as long as he possibly could and surprisingly, he got to play almost the whole game

when you had run down from the stands to go congratulate kyotani, the first person you came in contact with was oikawa tooru himself,

“Ah Y/N-chan! I’m so glad you could make it, did you make sure to cheer for me?”

your boyfriend could never stand the way oikawa would flirt with you just to get a rise out of him

“Oi idiot, get away from them.”

you couldn't help but laugh at kyotani’s antics before wrapping him in a hug,

“Hey Kyo, congrats on the win. You did great!”

Oikawa pouted at you for blatantly ignoring him,

“Hey, what about me?”

“No offense Oikawa, but I really only come to these games for Kyo. I mean unless he's playing I don't really pay attention so cheering for you is pretty much out of the question. Anyways, I'll wait for you outside babe.”

both oikawa and kyotani were pretty baffled at your statement

kyotani was probably the most surprised out of the two, did you really come to his games just to support him

he was pulled out of his thoughts when kindaichi spoke up,

“Now that they mentioned it, I honestly haven't ever seen Y/N look up from their phone unless Mad Dog was on the court, and they only ever cheer for him.”

kyotani almost let a smile slip out at his teammate’s words

he couldn't believe how much you cared about him and supported him

he never knew how you managed to put up with him but he was beyond grateful for it

he loved you more then he would ever let on

on the walk home, you didn't know why kyotani was so much more affectionate then usual, but who were you to complain?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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enmy-writes · 4 years

Text

My Rock Star

Request: Anon: hii can i request a zuko x reader fic where the reader is in a famous girl group (like blackpink for example) & the whole gaang is backstage while the reader is getting ready for a performance & its just super fluffy & cute? Thanks!!

Word Count: 2,646

Fandom: ATLA (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Pairing: Zuko x Fem!Reader

Genre: All fluff. It’s some nice fluff time

Rated: 18+

Content Warnings: swearing, mentions of abuse (not detailed though), suggested themes but nothing bad

****My first request!! Sorry, anon, if I didn’t capture everything you wanted, but I hope it is! I am a sucker for music and bands, and instead of a blackpink approach, I gave the band instruments because I simp for instruments lol I might do a part 2 if this turns out well so lmk! Also, I learned how to make the “keep reading” line show up so that’s exciting yay me. Enjoy :)****

_______________________________________________________________________

It was about two hours before the show was supposed to start and Y/N was doing her normal self-routine before she had to go to her ‘Band-Team-Gang’ (or BTG as her and the girls liked to call it) pre-show rituals.

Y/N was a part of a famous girl group who had just recently started making it big in Ba Sing Se and were on their first huge tour. Normally, this would make any performer nervous of the attention and putting on a big show, but this was the environment that she thrived in.

Suki, Mai, Ty Lee, Azula, Yue, and herself all knew each other from an all-girl’s private school that they grew up in together and bonded immediately over their love for creating music. It was inevitable for them to become a group.

They spent most of their high school days writing songs and joking around in Y/N’s backyard bungalow her parents had gotten her for her twelfth birthday. To this day, they still go back there and do hot (dumb) girl shit.

“Why would we stop? That’s our home, of course we’d still go back there!” Ty Lee answered the interviewer with her signature hair flip and giggle.

Azula rolled her eyes at the girl, hiding a fond smile. “At this point, It’d be weird not to go back to that little corner of hell we made.” Yue smacked her arm quickly, “Azula! Don’t act like you haven’t written most of our top hits in the bean bag we definitely didn’t steal from the school lounge.”

The rest of the girls laughed, remembering how they had to hop the gates and sneak past the night guards to be able to get the bean bag. The plan would’ve been a total waste of time and definitely would have gotten them all expelled if anyone had caught them, but thank Mai’s ability to pick locks (which no one knows where she learned to do but they do not question it).

“Plus,” Suki chimed in. “Y/N’s dad makes the best snacks and meals for us. It’d be a federal crime to not take up that offer for as long as we can.”

Needless to say, the six girls were so comfortable with each other that every performance was just like every group practice with, like, thousands of extra guests of honor. They even have a couch lounge area as part of their stage set props. It just makes sense.

Even though those were her best friends ever, sisters even, Y/N had another friend group that she was super close with. Azula had introduced Y/N to her brother, Zuko, back when they were in their sophomore year of high school and the two instantly clicked. It had only taken a year of being friends and hiding crushes for them to get together, and the two were still going strong. Through him, Y/N met a gang of (crazy) people that he had spent his whole public schooling years.

Aang, an enthusiastic and bald, vegan kid who loved life and enjoyed everything around him; Katara, his pre-med and feminist girlfriend; Sokka, her hilarious and amazingly smart brother (though, sometimes his ideas are questionable); and Toph, a blind and tough girl who is on her way to ruin the top 1%. With Zuko, they were the tightest and happiest little family that automatically accepted Y/N when Zuko brought her over one night.

She was there when he went through a pyromaniac phase, his varying hair styles, and when he tried to get his father’s love back.Ozai, their father, was the owner and CEO of a massive weapons corporation. He had burned Zuko’s face on a hot stove and kicked him out of the house for suggesting that he raise the wage of all his employees to a comfortable living wage because many of his employees struggled to provide for their families even though they worked their asses off. Thankfully, his kind Uncle Iroh instantly picked the boy up off of the streets, letting him live with him and run his successful tea shop called the Jasmine Dragon.

Azula had been shoved away by her father mostly for sexist reasons. Ozai would never pass his company down to his daughter, no matter how smart and dedicated she was. He threw her in the private school where she lived year round. She had never told Y/N or any of the other girl’s any of this, Y/N had found out through Zuko.

Y/N’s mother was a successful lawyer and her father was a district attorney who were very very passionate about bringing justice to those of racial discrimination, domestic abuse, abuse in general, and orphan rights. Her mother was an orphan who was plain lucky to get adopted by a loving old couple who used their life savings to get her the education and life she deserved while her father was a victim of domestic abuse.

So, after months of convincing Zuko, Y/N told her parents about the two siblings. Long story short, they got Ozai arrested for his abuse crimes, bribery history, employee mistreatment, and many more crimes. They also adopted Azula herself and gave full custody of Zuko to his uncle.

Since then, the world has been peaceful for the group. Azula has started to recover from her trauma with the help of her friends, therapy, and love from two caring adults; and Zuko was glowing year round in the company of his uncle and friends.

A smile forms on her face, thinking of her large family and all they’ve gone through to get here, when the door to her personal backstage room opened up. The loud voices from Aang and Sokka met her ears next.

“I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU REMEMBERED THE HAM SANDWICHES WITH NO CRUST.” A kiss to her cheek and Sokka is instantly at her snack table.

“Y/N! How’d you know I was going to bring Appa and Momo?!” Aang walked his huge, white dog and lemur (don’t ask how he has it. It might be illegal, but no one can tell him no) to the pet bed corner she had put in.

Not answering them, Y/N just smiles at her friends who barged in and turns back to her mirror where she’s trying to decide her earring combination for the day. Warm arms snake their way around her waist, a body sliding up against her back soon after.

“What’s your ideas for tonight?” Zuko’s voice speaks quietly into her ear, causing her to hum and lean back against his chest slightly.

“I’m not sure. We’re going for the edgy look tonight, but we all know Ty Lee is still going to wear pink. Man, our manager is going to kill her...again.” They both laugh. “Ugh, why did you let me pierce my ears, like, ten times. There’s too many combinations to choose from!”

“Me?! I did-- never mind. Just grab a handful, no one can see them from the stage anyways.” Despite his attempt to seem like he doesn’t care, one of his ring-clad fingers starts moving his favorite pieces over into a little pile by themselves. Y/N rolls her eyes and starts putting his choices in random holes in her ear, pushing him back lightly so she can bend over closer to the mirror to see better.

“It’s the fit Zu… if the fit is a vibe, the confidence is there. If the confidence is there, nothing can stop my hot girl shit.” Her words cause him to let a huff of jealousy, flicking her arm playfully.

Their eyes meet in the mirror, and he can clearly see the mischief in them. Calming down, he jokes back. “Yeah, well, you may do your ‘hot girl shit,’ but no one can steal you from me. We’ve been here too long.”

Toph cuts in from across the room with a loud laugh. “Please, fire brains, I could steal Y/N if I tried.”

He whips around to face the short girl, “No you could not!!”

“Actually, she makes a point.” Katara says, nodding along in hopes to pick fun at the boy.

Sokka adds his two cents. “Honestly. Toph would just have to pick Y/N up and slam her against the wall or something and she’d tell her manager to send you a letter of resignation.”

The whole group laughs, save for the angsty boy, and Y/N wraps her hand around his wrist. She pulls him towards her and reaches for a peck on the cheek. “While that may be true,” she gets a glare. “I’m too big of a simp for you… and Uncle Iroh’s dinner and game nights.”

While the rest of them laugh, Zuko’s eyes soften and he presses his lips to hers in a short, soft kiss. Uncle Iroh adores his girlfriend and everything she has done for Zuko and Azula where he had no power to do anything. The man calls her more than he does Zuko himself, and he’s pretty sure Y/N convinced him to download Words With Friends on his phone to play with her for when she can’t make it to the weekly game night dates.

Y/N smiles up at him and pats his cheeks lovingly before moving to the wardrobe area of her room. She pulls out ‘Cards Against Humanity’ from a duffle bag on the floor before joining the rest of her friends around the lounge area, patting the seat beside her for Zuko to join them.

Everyone cheers at the sight of the black and white box with the many expansion packs that they have collected over the years. While Katara deals, everyone else makes bets on who is going to win this time. Y/N slides back into Zuko’s side as his arm comes to rest around her shoulders, playing with the ends of her H/L hair.

It’s about fifty minutes before the show is starting, and Y/N knows she has to start getting dressed and ready for the concert. Sighing, she slips from her boyfriend’s grasp (a small whine coming from him) and moves to her dressing corner. Suki, Ty Lee, Mai, Azula, and Yue had made their way to the room shortly after they started due to Sokka texting his girlfriend (Suki) to come over and join.

The rest of the girls notice you get up and leave as well, much to everyone else’s dismay. You reassure them to keep playing a few more rounds, not wanting to ruin their fun with you putting clothes on. Y/N quickly shoves her outfit choice on which is very hot, black, and riddled with chains. To top it off, she had thick-heeled combat boots on with numerous buckles on them. Her hair, makeup, and accessories have already been done so she heads back to the group.

‘Cards Against Humanity’ has been packed up neatly and her friends are lounging around, getting last minute snacks and quality time before they go to their special seats right in front of the stage. Nothing but the best for her friends. Sokka and Katara are the first people to see her, and the former lets out his own wolf whistle in his own way to hype Y/N up.

“DAMN, my best friend is HOT AS HELL. Zuko, you lucky ass man.” Katara hits him, but shoots her a wink as the rest of the gang look over. Y/N laughs giddily through their praises and hyped words (Toph in good spirit rather than actually seeing her outfit), as she makes her way back to her spot on the couch.

Zuko, who hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her yet, quickly grabs her bare waist and tugs her onto his lap to hold her tight. “So… this is what you meant by ‘hot girl shit.’” Letting out a loud laugh, Y/N turns her head and gives him a quick kiss. “I’m a rock star, baby, what can I say.”

Aang cheers out of nowhere. “Yes! I’ve always wanted to be a groupie!” More laughter and jokes ring throughout the room, keeping the atmosphere as light as always,

A knock at the door interrupts them. A man is standing there in all black with a headset on and a sleek, red (with little sparkles that only gleam in the light), electric guitar carefully caressed in his hands. While they are a girl group, their success has mainly come from being a girl group who also plays all their instruments. With Mai on the drums, Ty Lee on the keyboard, Azula and Y/N on electric guitars, Yue on the acoustic guitar, Suki on the bass; the band is truly a sight with all of them sharing the vocals and their enthusiastic (near crackhead) energy that give their crowd a good show.

“Miss L/N? This is your five minute warning.” He tells them, not bothered by the usual group of people who are constantly in these rooms with her.

“Thanks Lee!” Y/N hops up to get her pride and joy (her child as Suki and Mai like to joke about). “I’ll be right out.”

Knowing these are the last pre-game minutes, everyone starts getting up to leave the room as well. Zuko lingers by Y/N who’s busy making sure her instrument is tuned perfectly for the numbers she’s about to perform.

“I can feel you staring, Zu,” She smiles, still looking down at her strings. He huffs out a laugh, reaching out to push a piece of hair back to see her face.

“Good luck out there, my rock star. Don’t do too much hot girl shit.”

“Oh, I’m doing all the hot girl shit.” A glare. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding… unless…?” She laughs at his fed up face. Reaching up, she presses one last, lingering kiss to his lips, enjoying the feeling of his fingers clutching her sides firmly and the feeling of his heart beat under her palm that’s resting on his chest.

“Bye, love. I’ll see you after the show.” She whispers, sealing the promise with a kiss before moving back. “Alright kids! Get the hell out of my dressing room.” Y/N shouts at her friends and they all leave together, laughing away.

The rest of them wish her luck before moving away, Sokka sprinting to find Suki one last time. Zuko holds onto her free hand, watching her laugh at ‘Simp Sokka’ with his small smile on his face. He kisses her hand, pulling her attention back to him.

“Bye, rock star. I’ll see you after the show. Break a leg, yeah?” His cliche words make her laugh more, pulling away from him and towards the rest of her band who are chanting “BTG! BTG!”.

“Zu… I don’t break legs. I break hearts.” And with one last mischievous look, she mouths ‘hot girl shit’ and struts away in that way that makes Zuko want to make her cancel the show completely.

His phone buzzes a few minutes after he caught up with his friends in their special closed off section on the floor. He opens the notification and it sends him to Instagram where Y/N had tagged him in a post. The smile grows on his face with every second he takes in the post.

Katara must’ve taken the picture. The angle, lighting, and quality could only be done by her. Y/N was on his lap, dressed to go on stage. Zuko’s mouth was almost touching her ear, definitely when he was whispering to her, and her face was wide in a smirk. They looked good, perfect even. The caption is what made him laugh, warmth and pride that she is his spreading through his chest.

“Y/N_L/N: for him? I’m always on my hot girl shit”

#zuko #zuko imagine #zuko x reader #avatar zuko #atla x reader #atla #fanfic #Avatar The Last Airbender #atla fanfic #alta x reader #atla x you #zuko x you #zuko x y/n #x reader #enmy-writes atla

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meetmeatthecoda · 3 years

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Okay so, I wanted to offer my two cents on that ask about Liz’s reaction in Luther Braxton: Conclusion. This is NOT meant as an attack on anyone—I find it 100% valid that the OG nonny (and anyone who related to them, including you dear Coda 💖💖💖) feels the way they do; they can’t control how they reacted to Liz any more than I can control how I reacted to that ask. Plus like, this is all fiction so no harm done? I purely wish to share my perspective, not ~present a counterargument~ or anything like that. :) Apologies in advance for how long this got. 😅😅😅

I get why you would react negatively to Liz’s screaming at Red, but I feel like?? That incident of all the times she’s treated him unjustly was (one of?) the most reasonable. Now, how she continues to act afterwards (regarding the Fulcrum but also, like, for the rest of the show welp) is 100% a continued bad decision in so many ways on her part and reflects terribly on her character, but her reaction in the immediate aftermath?? IDK, I feel the need to kind of defend her, probably because I absoluuuutely saw myself in her when she did that. I’ve (I shamefully admit) yelled, shoved, and even kicked at loved ones when they just wanted to comfort me but their attempts made me feel cornered and small. I’ve made logically unbased and ethically/emotionally unfair accusations against people who’ve done nothing but try to help me when I just needed something to get them away (literally or otherwise). When I just needed to attack something—take out my frustrations and confusion and fear and anger on someone. (And if Liz was like that, she might have latched onto Red as her target because he was the closest thing—physically, emotionally, and even in relation to the cause of that confusion and anger itself.) I have inflicted real harm on people while in an unsettling or unfamiliar mental state—harm that I couldn’t take back even when I could look back with a clear(er) mind and realize I never should have said/done any of that.

(Also, side note: when I first watched that ep and I saw Liz screaming at Red not to touch her?? I’d actually thought they were depicting her as being touch-averse due to the trauma and/or overstimulation, and I was?!! Like, call me badly coping but I appreciate seeing characters not being comfortable or straight-up being aggressive about being touched, even for just a moment, because that is me 24/7. Then of course a few more seconds and it turns out it’s not actually that?? Liz is just repulsed by Red’s Bad Guyness again apparently?? Whenever I rewatch the ep I still choose to see it as overstimulation though because, well… my heart is clearly very talented at choosing comfort characters for me. 🥲🥲🥲)

So speaking from personal experience, coming out of a trauma (or revisiting an unresolved one) is so stressful that it’s only natural to react explosively—even to the extent of unfairness and unreasonableness—in an attempt to protect or heal yourself, whether that attempt be justified or not. And honestly, I could even make the argument that for Liz, her attempt was to some extent justified. Of course Red would never hurt her, but sometimes a person needs breathing space. Like, literally needs. Maybe for the sake of her mental stability/health, Liz should have had her first moments coming up from her trance to herself. Does that make sense?? IDK if I made any sense there; I just know that while I never could have gotten to the place I’m at now without the EVENTUAL professional and personal support I’ve been blessed with, I also can’t fathom how much more mental anguish I would have experienced if I’d had people who knew me (or like, the “closest person” in Liz’s case) see me in the immediate aftermath of my trauma. Just… The state I was in? Yikes, am I glad only I saw myself pull myself together; I’d have had so much more to worry about with others seeing me like that. That might just be me and totally inapplicable to Liz of course, so I digress!

I’m not saying Liz isn’t responsible for her words/actions simply because they happened while she was in utter emotional upheaval and under mental and physical duress—Red definitely did NOT deserve that treatment from her. He did NOTHING WRONG. But with that kind of complex angst comes the inevitably mixed but nonetheless potent reactions of fans, I completely understand that. Everyone has different experiences and thus different viewpoints, and that’s fine and totally healthy in my book. Still, something about that discussion struck a chord with me—you can (and should) hold someone accountable for the harm they do while mentally unstable, but it’s possible and also healthy to do that without, yourself, harboring anger or resentment against them, you know? I had to teach myself (and those around me) that, so I guess I just wanted to put it out there. Again, I don’t mean to start anything and I’m so, so sorry if I inadvertently have. I hope it’s okay that I came here to explain my thoughts (and so wordily too, ack I’m sorry), and if not, I won’t anymore. Thank you for hearing me out this time though, I really appreciate it. :)

Dear anon!! 🤗🥰❤️ Firstly, I want to thank you for your kindness & respect for other's opinions!! This ask was worded in the sweetest, most considerate way & I appreciate it very much!! There's absolutely no need to apologize for having your own opinion & perspective, especially when you share & explain it so nicely, so never fear!! 😊❤️ Moving on to the meat of your ask - which is in regards to this previous one - you make such a good point!! When you look at it that way, the Luther Braxton Post-Memory-Unearthing Screaming Explosion is perhaps Liz's most justifiable negative reaction in the series LOL I guess looking back from where we are now - knowing all about & being completely fed up with all of Liz's awful writing & characterization in the subsequent seasons - it's easy to dismiss her reaction in Luther Braxton as something unreasonable & irritating & unfair to Red (which, to some extent - as you graciously allow - it is). But - as you generously point out - while that's a valid way of looking at it, it's also definitely worth examining from another point of view!! And I think your point of view (in everything ofc, but particularly in this) is so valuable!! I can relate at least on some level... I have definitely snapped at people, even those trying to help me, verbally & otherwise, when I lost my temper & just needed some space!! In fact, I think that's a pretty universal stress reaction & it's not necessarily something to be super ashamed of (but definitely something to be aware of & work on - a good reminder for us all!!) & it's definitely not a stretch to imagine Liz was going through something similar after being effectively water-boarded & having her memories so unceremoniously rifled through!! And, after all, Liz has one thing we generally don't... a perfect, convenient, willing catalyst for all the negative things in her life: Red (however undeserving of that title he may be.)

(And re: sidenote of touch-averse!Liz - Omg, I definitely thought about that being their angle at first too!! While I don't usually default to reacting that way myself [kind of the opposite for me usually LOL] I know that plenty of people do & it's 1000% valid as a coping mechanism & honestly??? A touch-averse Liz would be one of the more realistic reactions she's ever had 😂😭 especially considering the circumstances!! And hey, no shame about gravitating towards that interpretation bc it's 1) less painful for you & 2) you like comfort characters bc you 👏 do 👏 you 👏 but also?? I can't say anything bc the reason that I like that interpretation??? I love the angst of an overwhelmed & touch-averse!Liz unintentionally shattering Red's heart by completely rejecting his well-meaning physical comfort anddddd I'm not sure what that says about me tbh 😂😂😂)

Long story short, anon, you made perfect sense here, not to worry!! You were so respectful & cognizant of others' feelings, thank you so much for that, it doesn't go unnoticed!! You bring such a good point to the discussion with your perspective & outlook & I'm so thankful you chose to contribute!! I loved reading your thoughts & don't worry at all about the length, I appreciate your thoroughness!! (Plus, we all know I'm hardly one to talk, I never use one word when twenty will do 😂) Please don't hesitate to come back to my inbox any time to discuss whatever you like, I always love a little bit of friendly TBL conversation, especially since the show as we know it is so abruptly & unexpectedly over 😭 Yes, still grappling with that, in case you were wondering 🥲 Anyway, thank you again for your lovely ask, anon, I appreciate you greatly, & much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

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thirstybtsthoughts · 4 years

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I'm the anon with bias vs boyfriend problem. I'm a regular one in your blog even when I'm away from bts contents. Bunny you and the sweet anons made me ugly cry like a baby and I gave my bf a little heart attack. Boy was washing dishes and came running with soap and sponge in his hands

To all the anons- thank you so much, every one of you who dropped their advices and experiences for me 🥺🥺 i really needed all of it. You all are right. Especially the anon who said I'm comparing a living breathing 3D bf with a 2D image of my bias. And it’s true nobody's perfect. And to the anon who is with her bf for 9 years, you guys sound like made for each other 🥺 i send you two best wishes for everything future holds for you. Though fanfics work the opposite way for me, I just realized after seeing your ask. I'm not just comparing my bf with my bias cuz of those, also unknowingly trying to fit my ass into y/n descriptions. I hold nothing against the fanfics tho. The writers i follow are very talented and they put a lot of effort it their work. It's my insecurity that i take things this way. I think reading and writing fics is something i should give up completely. Let's see where it goes

And the crying ended up in me opening up everything to bf. Even about dropping that ask and the responses i got. He took his time to process it all and asked me, let's say if i ever get to date my bias, would i really give up on him and go for the bias? My answer was I won't. Honestly, i won't. He said then every comparison that comes to my head isn’t worth two cents cuz I'm not going anywhere anyway. 😳 fucking hell I'm such a baby! My bias is eye candy and perfect but I'm pretty sure I'll be searching pieces of my guy in any other man i'll be with after him. Countless hot guys in the world but I'm still gonna want this guy only. Bias is nice and hot but this guy brings out the best in me and i wouldn’t leave his ass for anything or anyone. So what's the point in being upset over comparisons. I hope they'll go away once i stop giving shits about em

Oh and bf said thank you to you all, including you, bunbun as I'm writing this. He's right next to me and I'm still sniffing a little. He's a big fan of Gal Gadot but wouldn’t give up on me for her either lol

Call me "Lover girl anon" cuz I'll be here, dropping asks sometimes from now on if that's okay 🥺

Btw to the Namjoon biased anon, girl my bias is Joon too wtf. Them namtiddies are getting on everyone's nerves lol 😭😭😂😂🤣

Oh my god I’m so emotional reading this 🥺🥺😭😭😭😭

I can’t even begin to express how happy I am that you opened up to your man and got the response that you did, as well as realising even though you may compare unwillingly from time to time, your bf is ultimately always gonna have your main attention and love 🥺. Ahhhhhhh he’s awesome! I’m beyond happy that we were able to help 🥺🥰, love youuuu 💜💜💜💜

#lover girl anon #asks #anon #advice #Anonymous

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Always Here

Connor Walsh & Michaela Pratt (How To Get Away With Murder)

Warnings: MAJOR TW: Rape, Trauma, PTSD, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationship

Summary: Following the less than poor advice of her ‘friends’ Michela finds herself at the apartment and in the hands of a piece of scum eager to take advantage of her. Connor is not having any of it, rushing to her rescue and impatient to teach the bastard a lesson, punish him for the horrible, disgusting thing he did to his friend.

Requested by Anon as a birthday fic. Hello dear, happy birthday! Hope you have the best one yet! Sorry for the downer of a fic for such a happy day in your life (I was genuinely surprised when you requested such an angsty fic but I’m not complaining) hope you enjoy the read nonetheless. Enjoy your special day, hope you have a ton of fun and make great memories! Lots of love, Vy ❤

“Nah, I think you’re judging him too heavily.“ Laurel comments, taking a sip from the coffee cup on her desk, “He seemed rather nice when I got to talk to him last week. He seems to be really into you too.“

“Well, just because he’s into me doesn’t mean I’m into him.“ Michaela points out, irritation in her voice and a shudder running down her spine at the memory of the creep Laurel talked her into meeting a week ago - Charles Mahoney. Michaela immediately felt the oddest and creepiest vibes coming off the guy, but Laurel was persistent and Michaela tried to talk herself into trusting her friend’s judgement, despite her gut screaming at her to get out of the situation, accompanied by the alarm going off wildly in her head. The guy didn’t do anything to set off those alarms and he wasn’t acting like a creep per se but as Michaela put it when complaining to Connor later that same day: He seemed like a creep trying to act and behave like a normal person would. Connor noted the odd feeling he had in regards of that guy.

It was something about his demeanor, but not something she could pin-point to Laurel and use as concrete evidence that her gut was right. And, as a lawyer, she knew that without concrete evidence she wouldn’t get anywhere with that argument.

“Or it just means you’re too picky.“ Laurel swoops the file out of Michaela’s hands, earning herself a death glare from her friend, “Who says you have to date the guy? Just have some fun, a couple of drinks. Maybe a hook-up if you’re feeling it. Who knows where that might lead?“ She sits back down and flips open the file, eyes skimming over the text as if the discussion is over on her part.

Michaela’s about to complain when Asher decides to share his two cents on the subject, “Right! I agree with Laurel, he seemed like a nice guy. To be fair, we didn’t get to talk much, but he seems like a cool dude. Easy on the eyes too, not gonna lie.“

Michaela rolls her eyes, having heard enough about this Mahoney guy from these two. In fact, they’ve been playing this game of persuasion for two days now, neither of them giving a concrete reason on why they were doing it. Although, she might have a guess on their intentions: a few too many drinks one night and she ended up spilling her guts on how lonely she feels sometimes. She did her best in that drunken state to pack the emphasis on ‘sometimes’ but Asher and Laurel seem to have brushed past that bit, seeing as how they’ve made it their personal duty to play matchmakers. If only their choice of guys to pair her with wasn’t so crappy, they may have come in handy to fill the nights she didn’t have any work to do and really felt the lack of company setting in.

Seeing no other way to get the two off her back for good other than feed into their attempts and humor their ideas, Michaela sighs exasperatedly, resting her forehead in the palm of her hand as she speaks, “Will you get off my case if I give him a call and go out with him tonight?”

Asher opens his mouth but Laurel cuts him off before he can throw their chances of succeeding with this in the water, “Permanently. A lawyer’s word.” She nods, giving Michaela a tight-lipped smile that’s supposed to represent faux innocence which instead hides her fondness of her success at last.

“A lawyer’s word doesn’t mean much.“ Michaela mutters under her breath but pulls out her phone nonetheless, standing up to exit into the hallway to make the phone call to Charles Mahoney. She stops in her tracks, turning on her heel to face Laurel once more before exiting the room, “We need a safe-word, just in case.“ She snaps her fingers, trying to get a simple word to come to mind for the purpose of a GTFO signal.

Laurel suddenly gets an idea, “How does ‘trophy’ sound to you?”

Michaela can’t help the shiver that runs down her spine, “Like a nightmare and a ton of bad memories.” She replies bitterly, knitting her brows together in a displeased frown.

Her friend tilts her head to the side, “Then it’s perfect.”

She contemplates Laurel’s reply for a second. Well, contemplates the whole situation and the decision she’s about to make. Sure, it might not be final and she could still cancel if she changes her mind later on, but it’s still a borderline ridiculous move to make. But, when compared to finally being given some peace from the pesky Asher and Laurel, she finds spending a few hours with Mahoney to be worth it.

So, with that, Michaela turns back around, heading out in the hallway to make the phone call she has no idea will lead to the worst moments of her life.

* * *

“Oh shit!“ Laurel curses, quickly disconnecting her phone from the charger where she had left it while her and Asher went to buy some dinner for the rest of the team to enjoy back at the office after Annalise had called in they were on their way and they had some important news to share with them. Some concerning news, if her voice was anything to go by.

“What’s up?“ Asher asks, setting the plastic bags he’s been carrying on his desk.

“Missed calls and texts from Michaela. Twenty seven of them, almost all saying ‘Trophy’.“ Laurel replies with a sigh that’s a mix of frustration and concern. The call goes to voicemail almost right away which only fuels the concern as she taps the button to call again. “Shit, she’s not answering.“

“She’s texted and called me too.“ Asher says, taking a look at his phone, “She could be in danger.“

“I know, Asher! I know she could be in danger!“ Laurel snaps, squeezing the phone tightly, pressing it against her ear, swearing and fighting the urge to slam it on the floor when the second call also goes to voicemail, “Damn it!“

Just then, the door to the office opens and in walks Connor, closely followed by Annalise and Frank who he ran into on his way in. The mention of a ‘she’ that could be in danger immediately puts him on edge as his eyes skim over the room, looking for his frenemy - Michaela Pratt. ‘On-edge’ is replaced by an early onset of panic when he takes in her absence, connecting the dots that the ‘she’ Laurel was referring to is indeed her. But, just to be safe and avoid a false alarm, he decides to fake nonchalance and ask: “Danger? What’s going on here?“ He tilts his head, his gaze switching from Laurel who’s still trying to reach Michaela to Asher who is doing his best to avoid eye-contact with anyone in the room.

Annalise cuts the crap, way less nonchalant than him, “Where’s Miss Pratt? Didn’t I tell you all to stay in one spot?“

Laurel looks to Asher for backup, but when she realizes she’s clearly not gonna get any, she turns back to look at Annalise, feeling as though she’s shrinking under the woman’s intense and powerful gaze. “I-it’s my fault. Michaela left before you called and...”

“And she’s now gonna come back! Call her and tell her to return her ass here as soon as possible!“ Annalise cuts her off, her eyes glinting with anger the Keating 5 were so used to seeing yet were terrified of just the same no matter how many times they saw it.

“Well, that’s the thing. She left two hours ago to meet with Mahoney and she isn’t picking up her phone and...“ Laurel trails off, the words dying down in her throat, failing to reach or leave her mouth.

“And we think she could be in danger.“ Asher whispers, finally finding it in himself to speak up despite feeling guilty as all hell.

Annalise’s eyes widen as her heart drops, a sickening feeling overcoming her in the form of cold sweat covering her whole body at once, “YOU THINK?!” She snaps, eyes briefly blurred by tears. “You think she could be in danger when she’s in the hands of a fucking rapist?!”

The phone slips from Laurel’s hand, falling to the floor with a crash at the sound of that word. Asher’s reaction is not different by much - he becomes but a frozen statue in his spot, both him and Laurel looking at Annalise with deer-caught-in-headlights looks and pale faces that suggest Annalise’s heart isn’t the only one that’s dropped. Fear, guilt and despair has paralyzed the two in their spot, unable to think of something to do. Unable to find it in themselves to move.

One person, however, doesn’t remain paralyzed. He takes action, driven by his protective instinct that has set off all the alarms in his head and has sent shots of adrenaline pumping through his veins at a rapid pace. With trembling hands, Connor pulls out his phone, the one calm part of his brain reminding him of his pact with Michaela to always share their location with each other. Opening the app, he reads the address out loud. “Where is that place?!” He snaps, unable to contain his anger that’s blended in with the dreadful sense of fear for his friend’s safety and well-being which are most definitely at a huge risk at this very moment.

“The fucker’s apartment.“ Frank replies, looking up from his own phone where he had looked up the address Connor read out.

Without a second to spare, ignoring the fact his blood’s run cold and the numbness in his face and limbs, Connor takes off, running out of the office and straight to his car, closely followed by the rest of them.

“Connor, wait!“ Annalise attempts to stop him, but you cannot stop a hurricane with your bare hands. And this hurricane is a raging beast with a mission to save his friend and teach the fucker who’d dare touch her or harm her a lesson in the form of beating him bloody.

‘God, please tell me I’m not too late‘, he chants to himself silently, praying for the first time in a long while. ‘Please, keep her safe just a little longer, then I’ll take over.’

Little does he know, the worst has already happened.

* * *

Michaela feels herself coming back to her senses. She doesn’t want to wake up though. She wants for her eyes to remain closed and for her to perish, never again to be seen by the world outside of this apartment that to her now represents hell on Earth. Her survival instincts are kicking in but rather lowly and slowly, almost as if they’re afraid of scaring her or making her snap. So, instead of making an effort to move, she stays completely still and listens, takes in her surroundings. She can’t see much without turning her head which is facing the ceiling, but she’s too afraid to do so. As if her body has been rigged with explosives and the tiniest movement could set them off.

The first thing she hears is the sound of a shower running not too far away. The sound is faint but not faint enough, and neither is the humming that’s accompanying it. She recognizes the tune, she’s recently heard it. With a slight tilt of her head she catches a glimpse of a coffee table which has red wine spilled on it, one wineglass has fallen over and is still dripping tiny red drops alike blood on the carpeted floor. She vaguely recognizes the setting and she feels sickened looking at it, but it takes her a moment or two to place exactly why she feels that way.

And then it hits her.

The tune the voice is humming, she heard it in a bar earlier. The bar she went out to have drinks at. With Charles Mahoney. The Charles Mahoney who then persuaded her into going back to his apartment for a continuation of their drinking session. She remembers the repulsion she felt at the thought of going, but she wasn’t receiving any help from neither Laurel nor Asher whom she has texted and called countless times. So, she succumbed, regretting every step she took that led her closer to his apartment. Her gut was screaming at her the whole time, repeating over and over how bad of an idea that was and how she should make up some bullshit excuse and ditch the situation.

But she didn’t.

And he took advantage of it. Of her body, her tipsy vulnerability. Of her.

It was my fault

With that horribly wrong thought in mind, tears rush to Michaela’s eyes prickling them, begging to escape and relieve the tiniest portion of her pain. She allows them to, the silent tears slowly turning into suppressed sobs that escape her aching chest as she continues lying on that couch, helpless and in pain that cannot be healed or seen.

Her sobs come to an abrupt halt when a round of aggressive and loud knocks, or rather bangs are delivered to the front door that right beside the living room. She only then becomes aware of the subsiding of the running water in the shower. She renders herself silent, faking unconsciousness when she hears the bathroom door open, followed by hurried footsteps coming down the hall, passing the living room and stopping at the front door.

Charles had expected many things, but what he didn’t see coming was the punch that sent him falling to the floor with a broken nose as soon as he opened the door. He didn’t even get a good view of the person but he recognized the voice that called out to the girl he had raped barely an hour prior.

“Michaela!“ Connor shouted, his chest aching, heart racing so loud he could hear it in his ears. He rushed down the hall but stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of the living room where he found who he was looking for. And he found her in a state that broke his heart, “Michaela! Oh God, I’m too late! Fuck!“

Hearing the familiar voice of her friend, Michaela’s eyes snap open, catching sight of Connor’s concerned face hovering over hers. “Connor.” Her coarse voice barely makes it out of her throat in the form of a choked up sob.

Grabbing a blanket from the nearby armchair, Connor wraps it around Michaela covering her almost completely naked her body. Securing the blanket in place, he takes her face in his hands, directing her gaze to his eyes to prevent her from looking anywhere else, prevent her from seeing anything that will further confirm what has happened to her. “It’s ok, you’re ok now. I’m here. I’m here, Michaela and I will never leave you again, ok? You hear me? Focus on my voice, ok? It’s over, he can’t hurt you ever again. The cops are on their way...”

“Hands in the air! Get up! Search the apartment!“ Just as Connor says that, the urgent shouts of cops come from the hall, startling Michaela while also giving her the smallest spec of relief as she once again breaks out in a fit of uncontrollable sobs that are the result of that mix of trauma, emptiness, relief and disgust.

Connor wraps his arms around her pulling her close and resting her head on his chest, not making any attempts at subduing her cries, aware that she needs to get it out of her system before having to face and deal with anything else.

“Michaela?!“ The shout of her own name doesn’t get registered by her, but Connor hears it and feels rage building inside of him when he sees Laurel, Asher, Annalise and Frank enter the living room, “Oh God, Michaela, I’m so sor-“

“You’ve done enough damage!“ He snaps at her, the message meant for Asher as well, “Leave her alone, she’s had it with you and you bright ideas!“

Just then, a cop approaches him and Michaela. He’s not spared Connor’s death glare either, but he doesn’t allow himself to be too intimidated by it, “Sir, we’ll need to take Miss Pratt to a hospital and then to the station to give a statement.“

The rage continues bubbling up inside of him but forces himself to stay calm, seeing as how he’s talking to an officer, “You really think she’s fit for an examination and questioning right now? Can’t you see how traumatized she is?”

“It’s procedure, sir. We must follow a very strict protocol in these situations. Miss Pratt needs a proper examination and all harm done to her needs to be aided and handled properly.“ The officer makes another attempt at persuading the distressed Connor whose arms are still wrapped around the trembling Michaela who suddenly raises her head off his chest, placing her hand there instead.

“It’s ok, Connor. I-I can handle it. But...“ she trails off, a stray tear escaping her eye again.

“But what? Tell me, what do you need?“ he takes her hands in his, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

She inhales shakily before replying, “Could you stay with me? I mean, could you come with me for...well, for it all. I don’t wanna go through it alone.” She bites her lips, still looking down where their hands are connected, unable to look him in the eyes because of how weak and pathetic she feels that request was.

“Of course, Michaela. I wasn’t planning on leaving even if you tried chasing me away.“ He gives her hands a reassuringly, “I’m always gonna be here for you, ok? Never forget that.“

That finally gets Michaela to look up and allow her eyes to meet his. Fresh tears have welled up in her eyes, having grown emotional because of Connor’s words as she whispers a barely-audible, ‘Thank you.’ which says a lot more than just her gratitude for him accepting her request.

It shows how grateful she is to have a friend like him, to have him as a friend. How thankful she is he found her and is willing to stay with her through the nauseating experience she’s about to endure. How happy she is to have found a safe haven in his embrace - his arms serving as a barrier, keeping her safe and shielded from the world that has harmed her so many times and will continue doing so. She’s just glad she won’t have to heal her wounds on her own, all alone. She’ll never have to deal with anything by herself, cause she has him - someone she trusts. Those people have been rare in her life - the trustworthy ones - Connor has the privilege to be one of them. One day, he might even hear her say it, not that he needs to hear it to know though.

That’s what their friendship is - a connection that doesn’t require verbal communication in order to reach an understanding. Even if that understanding has more often than not been ‘agree to disagree’. Still, a friendship as strong as a fortress nonetheless.

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luvdsc · 3 years

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hi miss cat!! I was just wondering if there’s any advice you would give to a high school freshman/rising sophomore?? sorry I know I’m a bit young to be interacting on your blog but I’m just,,, so lost.

my freshman year ends on May 28 and I just realised how fast this year flew by, and I’m never even gonna get it back…

I didn’t get off my ass and run for an officer position in the clubs I’m in even though the opportunity presented itself many times and I can’t stop beating myself up over it (metaphorically that is)

the only thing unique I did this year was run for student council and um that didn’t work out too well HSDMGFK no surprise there

but on a more serious note I just don’t really have the motivation to do anything right now and this is gonna sound really funny but it’s giving me such a hard time even though it’s self imposed ://

I don’t know why I can’t find motivation to be involved at school

maybe I would be more active if I knew what I want to major in or be in the future?? I used to want to be a biochem major but then I realised I wouldn’t be happy with that lifestyle or salary and now I really wanna major in business but I also feel pressured to major in econs because my dad is an econs major and my brother will be entering college as an econs major this fall so like ;;;;

thankfully my family wasn’t as affected as other families or people during lockdown because I fortunately live in Singapore and the lockdown was a bit less than two months, and the situation here was taken care of quite well. some of my relatives live in Seoul and I also have some relatives emigrated to Washington DC way before the pandemic so I was a bit worried but they seem to be doing fine!! which is again why I don’t understand my slump

because I was in a slump I had shitty grades and ended semester one with such a shitty GPA and such terrible grades that I literally didn’t qualify for APUSH next year which idk if I wanna take or not but still, it would’ve been nice to have the option…. and I literally got a b in biology which is so fucking terrifying because if I had done worse I wouldn’t have even qualified to take AP bio or chem

I mean I am putting effort but not enough for me to get better grades than I do right now so I genuinely feel so lost :// I’ve no idea what to do after high school and my grades aren’t good no matter how hard I try :// like, I’m not even kidding I have tutors for my hardest classes but I’m still not;;; getting good grades…

I honestly feel the urge to start cultivating hobbies that I stopped doing but idk if i should.. like I could spend that time studying, you know?? I’m scared that the rest of my high school career will fly by just like my freshman year did and I won’t even notice it… and my finals are literally in 2 weeks….

and as I’m typing this I realise I have a Chinese test tomorrow and another Chinese test next Tuesday so ummm I gotta go study sorry about all that rambling!! I just don’t have anyone else to tell sorry if this burdened you!!

miss cat if you have any advice to offer I would really really appreciate it!! also I’ve sent like 2 other tells rambling about your fics and idk what to feel rn cuz a few weeks ago I was crying about p*ssy blocked on your blog and now I’m sitting here pouring my heart out:;; but anyways thank you for reading!!❤️

- 🥰

hi, sweetpea 💕 oh gosh, it’s been... almost 8 years since i was a rising sophomore asjhdflkasflkhsakl i feel so old rip and it’s ok, you don’t have to apologize! my blog is sfw, so it’s alright, lovebug :’) i’m gonna give my two cents / advice in regards to each part of your message, instead of my usual numbering, so i hope that’s ok! 💓

i’m sorry to hear that this past school year has been tough for you, honey bee, and that you’re having a hard time ): i know what you mean with motivation... some days, i just don’t wanna try anymore and it’s just like... what’s the point? i worked this hard and didn’t get the results i wanted, so why am i still doing this? it’s disappointing, i know, but i suppose the thing that pushes me forward is that, well, it has to get better at some point, doesn’t it? if i keep going, if i keep pushing myself, if i keep trying, my efforts will be rewarded one day. one day, it’ll all be worth it, honey bee 💛

and while you regret not running for a club position this year and how your freshman year went, make sure to not regret it next year and go for it during your sophomore year, lovebug!! run for a position!!! you’re still so young, and you have so much time ahead of you, sweetpea. enjoy the moment, spend time with your friends, join more clubs that interest you, etc. you got this 🥳 please don’t end up regretting next year as well - become more involved next year and run for an officer position like you wanted to this year 💘 i believe in you, lovebug 🌷🌷

and running for student council was a big step! you should be proud of yourself for trying and putting yourself out there, honey bee 💗 even though it didn’t work out in the way you hoped, you gained experience, and that’s important too!

also, heck yeah for majoring in business, sweetpea 🤩🤩 as a double business major, i support you :’) askljdhfkals ngl econs was my least favorite business class though, so big props to your dad and brother for majoring in it 🤧 i felt that pressure too because my dad and sister both majored in engineering, but in the end of the day, you have to remember that this is your future and your happiness, not anybody else’s. choose what you want to do, honey bee. this isn’t your dad’s choice nor your brother’s choice, it’s your choice. they’re not the one that’s gonna have to study all your classes and do your job in the future. it’s you, and i know it’s hard, but you have to block out what everyone else says and choose what’s best for you.

if you aren’t sure what you want to study, is it possible to take classes for different majors? perhaps, that’ll help you decide! or you can talk to upperclassmen who are in the majors that interest you, and you can see which one appeals to you the most 💕

i’m so glad to hear that the situation there for you is going well though, lovebug! 💛 and i’m happy that your family and relatives are doing well too 💞 sometimes, slumps just happen, honey bee unfortunately ): it’s like i don’t want to feel this way, i’m in a decent place in my life, but why do i feel this way? it has to do with mental health, and my best advice would be to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist. they truly are really helpful and can help you understand better why you feel this way and help you reach a better state of mind.

i’m sorry to hear your grades didn’t end up as what you expected, lovebug ): (and as someone who took apush, it is not fun rip i do not recommend aksjhdflkas you dodged a bullet there) but as a positive way of looking at it, what class can you now take instead of apush? is there another class that you’re excited to take? and a B is still good!!! forget the what if scenario, you still made it to AP bio and AP chem, and that’s what matters, and i’m proud of you, honey bee 💖

personally, i think there’s a healthy balance between cultivating hobbies you like and studying. i don’t think you would want to look back on your sophomore year and have all your memories be of you sitting at your desk and memorizing ionic bonds and plant cell organelles. yes, it’s important to study, but it is also important to have fun and have hobbies that help you destress and relax and make good memories 💗so i’d say go for it, lovebug!!! indulge in your hobbies and find something you love doing! maybe that’ll inspire you to find a major in a similar subject?

best of luck on your upcoming chinese test, honey bee, and i hope your last one on tuesday went well 💜 aaaa i kinda put my advice here and there throughout my response, and i hope it all makes sense for you, sweetpea :’) also omg alksjdhlfakshjdf thank you so much for sending in asks about pussy blocked and for reading it, too 🥺💗💗💗 that means so soo much to me, so thank you, lovebug 💛 i hope life treats you kinder, and that you’re doing better this week! i’m sending you all my love, support, and well wishes, honey bee 💌💌 (also that’s such a cute emoji anon !!! 🥰🥰)

#asks #anonymous #🥰 anon

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colbybrocksmolder · 5 years

Text

Tumblr – Colby Brock x Reader

Tumblr is…a mixed bag. You’d made some of your closest internet friends on this poorly run website, but you’d also received more than your share of crazy fangirl hate. What’s crazy though, is how easy it is to make friends in the Sam and Colby fandom on Tumblr. 99% of everyone you’ve met is super nice and the group kind of shuts down the haters pretty quickly.

This last round of drama kind of wore everyone down. It all started with a hate anon that your friend DaddyDobrock received. “If Sam and Colby saw half of what you guys wrote on here they wouldn’t want you as fans 🙄.” She handled it well. She laughed and told the anon to lighten up and fuck off. You guys were pretty used to petty hate anons and rarely answer them, but boy was this asshole persistent.

Absolute-randomness-forever replied to a similar message with “If you don’t like what we post, don’t follow us?” Again, not really feeding into any drama.

Sp00kybrock got one trying to get her opinion on the whole thing. “Don’t you think most of the Sam and Colby tumblr fandom is toxic? Like, I bet Colby would cringe so hard if he went on this site. 🙄” She defended her friends, laughing it off. “My friends and I aren’t toxic. We post memes and joke around, but we support the boys 100%.”

Jakeywebber commented on a few of the new posts. “Does this person even watch the boys? They obviously don’t know that their sense of humor is exactly like ours.”

The anons continued to come in, a few other people getting them but not replying. They always ended with 🙄. The problem with one toxic anon is that they attract others that want to feed into the drama, and soon the hate is taken too far.

Someone got an anon telling them to kill themselves. Eye rolling emoji included. The blog posted the anon with no comment other than “deleting now” and went offline. To say that the rest of you were up in arms is an understatement. Lightenupbrock, that-one-brock-boy, badassbrock, the-sun-is-dark, colbyjacksmack, rewindfridaynight, xplr-lurker, brockboytrashz…you all jumped in and defended your friend. You sent them messages making sure they were okay, trying to convince them not to delete.

*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “FYI we see more than you think we see. Don’t pretend to be our fan and then treat other fans like shit. Especially anonymously. 🙄”

Daddydobrock posted “Anyone else see this?” with a screenshot of the tweet.

A few of the others reblogged it, adding comments. By the end of the thread, your group of friends was convinced that Colby either had a tumblr or occasionally lurked on it.

*tumblr messages*

Xplr-lurker : Hey, have you heard from the girl that got the kys anon?

You and Xplr-lurker had been tumblr friends for about 6 months. They messaged you after they saw how you interacted with the other blogs. You were always helpful, kind, encouraging…You had a reputation for being a sweetheart and Xplr-lurker had messaged you thanking you for it. You two became friends pretty quickly, asking how each other’s days went and such. Neither of you ever really posted your personal info on your blogs, but you knew a bit about each other. You both lived in Cali, you were about the same age, and you loved sending each other super emo tumblr posts when you were bored. Usually hella late at night. He knew you were a girl and you knew he was a guy. Other personal details kind of trickled through in your everyday interactions.

Y/n : Yeah. She doesn’t want to be online for a while, but she isn’t going to delete her blog. I gave her my phone number just in case she needed to talk.

Xplr-lurker : I figured you would 😊 I’m glad she’s okay.

Y/n : Me too.

Y/n : Hey, did you see Colby’s tweet? I think he saw all of this go down. I mean, maybe I’m just assuming too much, but he ended a tweet about anon hate with that stupid eye roll emoji just like the anon does.

Xplr-lurker : I mean, he said he checks his dms all the time. Maybe someone sent it to him?

Y/n : Maybe.

Y/n : Honestly, I’m just as mad for him and Sam as I am for the girl. How shitty is it that they have to watch the people who call themselves fans treat other fans like garbage? And they can’t do a thing about it.

Xplr-lurker : That sounds like it would suck.

Y/n : Right?

You had written a whole big post about how hypocritical it was for this toxic anon to accuse everyone else of being bad for the fandom when they were so willing to go out of their way to harm other fans. You reminded them about the videos Sam and Colby used to post about being confident and helping others. Their entire YouTube career started with them making videos wanting to help people. Just like every other post, you signed it with two black heart emojis. 🖤🖤

You had continued talking to xplr-lurker as you wrote the post. Venting a little bit about how frustrated you were.

*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “Don’t worry, we know there are amazing fans out there, too. 🖤🖤”

Y/n : Dude. I think I’m paranoid, now.

Xplr-lurker : What do you mean?

Y/n : Nothing. I’m exhausted. I just need sleep, lol. You do too, nerd. You said you needed to be up by 9 and it’s already 4am.

Xplr-lurker : Holy shit, my friend is going to kill me if I’m falling asleep tomorrow, haha.

Y/n : Haha, good luck! I’ll talk to you later.

Xplr-lurker : Thanks. Sweet dreams.

See, it’s pretty common for social media influencers to have secret accounts. It gives them a way to like posts and follow fans without starting drama. After collabing with CrankThatFrank, Colby was convinced to make a tumblr. He picked Xplr-lurker so that it made sense for him to interact with his own fans. He mostly just reblogged cool edits and funny traphouse memes. He’d comment on funny posts and throw his two cents in on theories and gossip. For the most part, it was kind of fun. People on tumblr were brutally honest but fucking hilarious. He never planned on talking about tumblr or letting anyone he interacted with on tumblr know that he was behind the username…but then he found your blog. He’d contemplated telling you for a few weeks now. The two of you talked almost every night and he felt bad. He felt like he was lying to you.

He’d first messaged you just to say a quick thanks for being so positive in the fandom, but the more he talked to you the more he kept wanting to talk to you.

The 🙄 anon stopped sending people messages after Colby’s tweet. Your friends on tumblr were able to go back to posting ridiculous screenshots and cool photo edits over the next week or so. You’d reblogged a gif of Colby about to lose his shorts on a waterslide with the caption “I feel like Elton has been trying to get Colby naked in vlogs since the start of TFIL”.

Xplr-lurker : *sent waterslide post*

Xplr-lurker : This is a fat fact. Lol.

Y/n : Right? Hahahahaha

Xplr-lurker : I think he does it for views.

Y/n : Probably. It’s the same reason Colby gets shirtless in his own videos. He knows people will click the thumbnail, haha.

Colby sat on his balcony laughing. You were absolutely right.

Xplr-lurker : Is that why you clicked?

Y/n : Haha, nah. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a beautiful human being. You’d have to be blind not to see that. But I found Colby through TFIL.

Xplr-lurker : What made you keep watching him then?

Colby felt bad for baiting you out, but his curiosity got the better of him. As far as you knew, he was just another fan. This is when he’d get your most honest answer.

Y/n : A lot. First, he’s a huge goofball. Watching him and his friends do dumb shit to make each other laugh is the best.

Y/n : And everything him and Sam have done together? Those two dudes are fearless. They just remind me that I’m the only one holding myself back, you know? One day I’ll actually get out of my own way and make something of myself.

Y/n : He also seems super genuine. He never seems afraid to speak his mind or call something like it is. It actually bums me out watching some of his “friends”, If you know what I mean. I know that not everything they put out there is 100% accurate to how they actually are in real life, but I hate that slimy feeling I get knowing that a lot of them use Sam and Colby and don’t actually give a shit.

Y/n : I know I sound like a massive fangirl at this point, haha. I think I just needed to get that off my chest.

Colby sat there trying to figure out how to respond. He had a huge grin on his face seeing you spill your guts like you did.

Xplr-lurker : Haha, don’t worry about it. You just sound like you care. That’s not a bad thing.

Over the next few weeks, you guys continued to talk like normal, but it got a little more personal. He wanted to be able to call you a friend, but he was still afraid to tell you who he actually was. You two talked more about your passions and the things you struggle with. You’d always sent each other music to check out, but he’d confessed that he’d been dabbling in trying to write lyrics. He needed to find a way to talk to you as COLBY and not xplr-lurker.

*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “You feel so close but in reality I’m sitting here on my balcony alone.”

One of your tumblr friends had screenshot the tweet, adding the caption “This is how it feels to have better friends on the internet than in real life.”

You reblogged it and tagged xplr-lurker. You added “I wouldn’t trade our late-night talks for the world.”

Xplr-lurker : *sent tagged post*

Xplr-lurker : Yeah?

Y/n : Duh. You know that.

Xplr-lurker : Same.

Colby sat there, his fingers hovering over the keyboard on his phone.

*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “1 like = 1 ‘don’t be a pussy’ whispered in my ear.”

Xplr-lurker : Not to sound like a creepy internet person, but have you ever met any of your internet friends in real life?

Y/n : Haha, I don’t think you’re creepy. And yes! I’ve met a few of them. Why?

Xplr-lurker : I know we live in the same city and I’ve always wondered if you’d want to get coffee or something.

Y/n : That would mean that you’d get to see how awkward and clumsy I am in real life. I don’t know if I’m willing to put you through that, hahaha.

Colby laughed. That response was better than the “fuck off, creeper” he expected.

Xplr-lurker : Oh, shut up. You’d be the one dealing with me being awkward.

Y/n : Suuuuuuure. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.

Y/n : I’m actually walking home from my favorite coffee shop right now, haha. It’s called 101. They’re open until 3 am and they have the best food.

Xplr-lurker : WHY ARE YOU WALKING ALONE SO LATE AT NIGHT?!

It was well past 2am and the thought of you walking the streets of LA by yourself kind of had Colby on edge.

Y/n : I live like 5 minutes away. Don’t worry.

Colby pulled up 101 Coffee Shop on his phone. It was less than a 10 minute drive from his apartment. *We actually live pretty close* he thought, switching back to the tumblr app.

Xplr-lurker : Tell me when you make it home safe. LA is scary at night.

Xplr-lurker : Also, that coffee shop is not far from me. If you ever want to meet up there, I’m down.

Y/n : I just walked in my front door. Stop worrying, mom.

Y/n : And I’ll be headed back there tomorrow around midnight. My roommate’s boyfriend is obnoxious and he comes over every night around then. I usually hang out at the coffee shop and work on stuff on my laptop for a few hours.

Xplr-lurker : I’m glad you’re safe. I’ll definitely try to make it there tomorrow.

Y/n : I’ll be the one with the messy bun, laptop, and baggy Y&R hoodie, lol.

Xplr-lurker : If I don’t chicken out, I’ll wear an XPLR hoodie.

Y/n : Well I need to go to sleep. If I don’t see you tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll still talk to you on here.

Xplr-lurker : For sure! Have a good night!

Y/n : You too. 🖤🖤

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.” Colby said, sighing. This was it. He was either going to walk into that coffee shop and blow his cover or he was going to chicken out like a little bitch.

The whole next day he had a hard time paying attention to anything or anyone. He was too busy trying to figure out the best way to tell you who he was.

“Colby!” Sam laughed, waving his hand in front of his friend’s face.

“What? Sorry.” Colby said, shaking his head and turning towards Sam.

“You okay?” Sam asked. Colby just stared at him for a minute. “I’m going to take that as a no?”

“I’m not, not okay.” Colby answered, sounding cryptic.

“Okaaaayyy.” Sam said slowly. “Care to explain?”

“I’m just nervous to meet up with someone later.” Colby tried to sound casual. “It’s nothing big. I’m just anxious, I guess.”

“Who?” Sam asked.

“A girl I met online.” Colby said, waiting for Sam to tease him.

Sam furrowed his brows. “Like on a dating app?”

“No.” Colby shook his head. “She’s a fan.”

Sam made a confused face. “Not to make it sound like I think you’re stupid, but are you being catfished again?” He laughed.

Colby couldn’t help but crack a smile, hiding his face behind his hands. “No, actually. I don’t even know what this girl looks like.”

“What?!” Sam asked, confused.

“That’s not the weirdest part.” Colby said, peeking through his fingers at his best friend. “She doesn’t know I’m me.”

“Is this for a video or something?” Sam asked, not understanding at all what was going on.

“Nope. I made an account to interact with fans and we just kind of clicked.” Colby tried explaining. “We’ve been friends for like 6 months, but we only ever talk through our usernames. The more I say this out loud the crazier it sounds.” Colby laughed.

“Sooooo, you’ve never seen a picture of her?” Sam asked.

“Nope. Not for sure. I THINK I found her personal blog, but I could be wrong.” Colby answered. “I only know her name because it’s in her profile, but she’s never asked me mine.”

“Is she going to be mad?” Sam asked, trying to wrap his head around the whole thing.

“That’s kind of why I’m so nervous.” Colby said, biting his lip. “She told me where she’s going to be tomorrow night and I don’t know if I should just show up or if I should rip the band-aid off and tell her who I am in our dms before we’re supposed to meet up.”

Sam had a blank stare on his face. “I honestly have no idea how to help you.”

“Don’t feel bad. I don’t know how to help myself.” Colby laughed.

“Tell me how it goes?” Sam asked.

“Of course.” Colby nodded, zoning out again.

At around 11:30pm you’d walked to the coffee shop. You ordered a drink and your late dinner and sat down in the corner booth. You worked on some things you were currently writing and gone through and caught up with your emails. At about 1am, you’d convinced yourself your tumblr friend had chickened out.

Right around 12:30am, Colby was stood in front of the coffee shop he was supposed to meet you at. There were only a few people currently in the shop, so it was pretty easy to figure out which one was you. He’d taken a deep breath and walked through the door, darting to the counter when he started to panic. With his back to you, he ordered a coffee. *I don’t even like coffee* he thought to himself. He kept peeking at you from the pick-up counter while he waited for his order. You had headphones in your ears, mouthing the lyrics to whatever song you were listening to. When the barista called out his name, he grabbed his coffee and left the shop.

Xplr-lurker : I’m stuck.

Xplr-lurker : You’re normally the person I go to for advice, but I feel like it’s unfair to put this one on you.

Xplr-lurker : You’re beautiful, btw.

You looked up from your computer, searching for your friend.

Y/n : Thank you? Are you here?

Xplr-lurker : I was. I chickened out. I kind of panicked.

Y/n : Aww, I promise you have no reason to panic. So why are you stuck? I’m always here to listen and give advice when I think I can help. You know that.

Colby sighed, sitting in his car.

Xplr-lurker : I guess it’s better just to come out with it.

Xplr-lurker : My name is Colby.

You waited a few seconds for further explanation.

Y/n : Okay? I don’t get it.

Xplr-lurker : Like, I am Colby Brock. I made this account to interact with fans.

Y/n : Please tell me you’re just fucking with me as a friend and not a delusional fanboy that’s trying to actually convince me he’s someone he’s not.

*Great* you thought to yourself. Not only did you have to walk home at night by yourself in LA, now you had to keep an eye out for a crazy person who wanted you to believe they were Colby. You thought this person was your friend and now you were afraid to leave the coffee shop.

Xplr-lurker : Neither? I know I fucked up by not telling you sooner.

Y/n : Well, since whoever is on the other end of this message knows I’m here alone, I’m going to call my roommate to pick me up. You know, you were really cool. You were my favorite person to talk to. This really sucks. You didn’t have to be anyone but yourself.

When Colby tried to reply to your message, the chat said that he had been blocked. “Oh, fuck.” He said, jumping back out of his car. When he got to the door of the coffee shop, he could see that you were packing up your stuff.

“Y/n!” he called from the door, walking towards your booth.

Your eyes flew towards the boy walking in your direction, your hands frozen holding your laptop.

Colby slowly slid into the other side of the booth you were sitting in, putting his phone down with the tumblr app open. “I’m so sorry.”

“What the fuck?” you whispered, still not moving.

“You have every right to be mad at me and I swear I never meant to freak you out. I didn’t really think it through when I told you who I was. Is your roommate coming?” He asked, talking so fast you could barely process what he was saying.

You sat your laptop down and grabbed his phone. “My roommate wouldn’t come pick me up even if I did call her.” You said, looking at the tumblr app on Colby’s phone. You were the only person he had messaged.

“You were going to walk?” Colby asked, grabbing his phone when you handed it back to him.

“I was going to order an Uber.” You laughed. “This is crazy. You’re crazy.”

“Are you mad?” Colby’s face was apprehensive, waiting for you to tell him to fuck off.

“A little.” You nodded, laughing. “You asked me questions about yourself! I fangirled to you about you!” You remembered, covering your now blushing cheeks with your hands, hiding your face.

He laughed. “I feel the need to say this in person…You’re beautiful.” He watched as you peeked over your fingers. “And I’m the one that should be embarrassed about that, not you.”

“Why did you ask me to meet if you didn’t want me to know who you were?” You asked, remembering that this whole thing was his idea.

He laughed, reaching to grab one of your hands. “I’ve been trying to nut up and tell you who I am for over a month.”

“Why me? You didn’t even know what I looked like?” You were still trying to take in the fact that Colby Brock was sitting here in your favorite coffee shop holding your hand.

“I didn’t really care what you looked like. You’ve been a great friend to me since we first started talking and I was just some random person you met online…That has nothing to do with how someone looks.” He explained, blushing before continuing. “The fact that you’re also adorable is just an added bonus.”

You laughed, pulling your hand out of his so you could re-do your messy bun that was currently falling. “This is crazy. I want to re-read everything I’ve ever sent to you to make sure I didn’t make a complete fool out of myself.”

“Y/n.” Colby laughed. “You didn’t. I promise. There’s not a single thing you’ve told me that I don’t like.”

You stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell you were supposed to do now. “I have one question.” You said, leaning your elbows on the table.

“Ask away.” He answered, leaning forward the same way you were.

“What’s the REAL reason Elton always tries to get you naked in his vlogs?” You smirked, hearing Colby bust a gut laughing.

“Honestly, I’ve questioned it myself. The only answer that keeps me sane is clickbait.” He shook his head. “So, we’re good?” he asked.

“I mean, I don’t know WHAT we are, but I hope it isn’t bad.” You laughed.

“Well, we’ve been friends for over 6 months. I’d like to still claim that even though you know now that I’ve been a dumbass this entire time.” He smiled.

“I think I can deal with that.” You smiled back at him.

“Should I push my luck and ask you if I can buy you another coffee?” He asked, a shy look on his face. “I think coffee is disgusting, but I hear coffee shops make for great first dates.”

“You went from being afraid to show your face to asking me on a date.” You laughed.

“Well?” Colby said, waiting for your answer.

You nodded, your cheeks turning pink. “I’d love another coffee.”

I can remove any of the tumblrs I’ve used if you’re uncomfortable being mentioned. @daddydobrock @absolute-randomness-forever @sp00kybrock @jakeywebber @lightenupbrock @that-one-brock-boy @badassbrock @the-sun-is-dark @colbyjacksmack @rewindfridaynight @brockboytrashz

#colby brock #colby brock imagine #colby brock fluff #colby brock oneshot #colby brock fic

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incarnateirony · 5 years

Note

Lol I'm not reading that entire novella of a wank post. In any case, ublock origin and ghostery work on tumblr so nah, sorry, you only get 2 cents from me, not 10.

“I literally refuse to read what I’m pretending to be righteously angry about because I fundamentally know my entire position is based on my wilfull ignorance and refusal to admit I’m the assbag who is physically incapable of controlling myself from attacking someone in their own space or spreading absolute horse shit in DM” and pretending I’m the wanker here. Get a god damn life.

(Edit update: at the bottom it’s kinda become transparent that the person at the heart of it is sending all the anons complete with geolock so lmao fuck off with your ridiculous shit. This post has been truncated to focus on the new data)

The fucking hilarity that your heads are crammed SO thoroughly up your asses that you can’t tell the difference between “someone having a strong opinion you don’t like in their own space” and “multiple people relentlessly besieging all of their social media and trying to undercut years-long friendships in petty wrath by manipulating a conversation for a weeks long grudgewank they’ve been telling you to stop, but we value fractal emotional validation rather than the complete reality of the situation that would realistically make us the harassing assbags, so as long as we stay ignorant and refuse to ask for it, because the same person is only supplying it on request to still try to not over-damage the guilty party who refuses the same human dignity to the person they’re targeting, we’re innocent somehow!”, while you fucking T-pose out there about y’all being bullied. Like, how does your own bullshit taste, or have you already cleared your colon and started passing up past your trachea again?

Has it even remotely occurred to you that 0 people are coming for any of you, despite weeks of this, but you’re still collectively coming at me? Do you even care? No, you don’t.

What a fascinating self-demonstrating display of the very conversation that set this all off, about this fandom’s addiction to arguing for validation rather than accepting content or moving on, and engineered clout wars. Keep goin.

Oh and by the way.

If you’re going to try to pretend you’re innocent here, and that you aren’t sending your own vicious anons, at least use a VPN, jesus christ.

Yeah no, you want me to put it on public blast so you can try to victim pose again. But I’ll just defer readers to you attacking living circumstances outside of my control. No wonder you never showed up in my inbox, Nonnie. Because you’re not a Nonnie, you’re just the person causing this.

Oh wow look how many times you’ve spammed my inbox and hopped to the replies just to pick new fights

Hop off my dick, sis. Like I can literally SEE your ass stalking my blog

So I’m going to point out that service provider BT has a line in their terms of service "Respecting other people’s views, and their right to express them freely", which forbids users from promoting or threatening violence, abusing or harassing anyone, or encouraging hate. Extra points to BT for putting their policy in plain English.

Send me one more fucking anon and see what happens.

Nice screen resolution tho.

(14 hour later update: Oh wow look at that no new assbag anons from that location! GOOD ON YOU. A literal record of you leaving me the fuck alone after two weeks of your shit, not minding the DMs I’m actively hearing about of you still snaking around. No, proxying it through a friend isn’t gonna stop that. If this doesn’t immediately terminate in the next 24 hours, I will be contacting your service provider. While I’m unclear on the limitations on pressing charges for harassment and slander internationally, I’m very clear on the ability to make them turn off your internet. But should they provide me any advice on the former, I will gladly accept it.)

#mildew

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kashimos-hajime · 6 years

Text

Social Justice

Request: could you do a peter kavinsky x reader imagine where everyone in the school knows your Peter's, so they don't even dare try hitting on you, except this one guy does it so often that Peter just gets so angry. But instead of yelling at him in a angry manner, Peter confronts him with such sarcasm and calmness that it ends up scaring the guy away? yeah idk? something like that i guess...

A/N: Hope I do you justice, anon!

As always, thank you @teawithbucky for giving this a read over before I let you all read it.

Masterlist and Taglist are in my bio!

Summary: When a new student threatens the power couple of high school, you and Peter Kavinsky firmly put him back in his place with a proper verbal smack down.

Characters: Peter Kavinsky

Wordcount: 1.7k

Rating: T (swearing, one slap, sexual harrassment, strong feminist views because I can’t help myself and I love writing a strong Reader)

You grab your what-was-once-hot coffee and sigh, raking your gaze over the stack of textbooks in your locker. It’s lunch (finally) and you’re exhausted.

“Hey, babe,” Peter greets, sneaking up behind you with his hands on your hips. Not paying him any mind, you cast a doubtful look at the chemistry textbook, wondering if you should study during lunch.

“How was the chem test?” you ask and he plucks the takeaway coffee cup from your hand. He quickly presses a kiss to your neck before taking a sip of your coffee. Making a face, he swallows painfully and you try to stifle a smile.

“It was pretty easy. You should be good to go for tomorrow.” He heads down the hall to throw away the cup as you nod to yourself. That means less work for you. Closing your locker, you smile at your boyfriend. He always has a habit of making you smile even when all you want to do is frown so much that the lines become permanently engraved on your face. Adjusting your backpack, you sneak an arm around his waist as he tosses one around your shoulders, bringing you close.

“Wanna get some subs?” Shrugging, you push open the school doors just as someone calls your name.

“(Y/N)! Hey!” Turning around, you feel Peter’s arm fall away as you spot Thomas Callaway who’d been assigned as your chem partner since the new seating arrangement had taken place. Also a new student, you’d been assigned as his tour guide for his first month. “Hey.”

“Thomas, hey.” Smiling, you brush a piece of hair behind your ear as Peter grabs your free hand, kissing your temple. “Do you need something?”

“Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to the movies? See the new Shades of Grey movie?” He has a smirk on his face but you, knowing that every Thursday means a chill night with Peter, shake your head.

“Sorry, I have plans.” With one last (not so) apologetic look, you and your boyfriend turn around and he reaches for the door when Thomas calls out again.

“How about lunch? We can ditch the afternoon.”

“I’m gonna get subs with Peter,” you say and Thomas’ eyes go to the taller Peter Kavinsky who has an indifferent expression directed down at him.

“Right. Is that even allowed?”

“As long as you don’t tell,” you say flatly. “Can you find your way to the cafeteria?”

He stutters for a moment, at a loss for words before uttering, “Yeah. Uh, maybe next time?” You shrug and then the two of you turn. Tossing a glance over your shoulder, you offer a forced smile.

“Yeah, next time.”

As the two of you leave the high school, Peter lets go of your hand and resumes the arm around your shoulder.

“Who was that?” he asks, acting disinterested. Knowing he’s only trying to act aloof, you nudge him in the ribs.

“My new chem partner. Play nice for now.”

“If he doesn’t stop flirting with you, I might have to mark my territory,” he mumbles with a hot glare and you laugh, resting your head against his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. I don’t like him either.” He tilts your chin up, pressing a full kiss against your mouth. Pushing back, you wrinkle your nose when he pulls away first. “Come on. We needa get back in time.” Tugging your hand, the two of you start in a run towards the Subway down the block.

As the month goes on, you find yourself more short-tempered and annoyed than a usual first month back. Normally September’s weather makes you all calm and happy, but with Thomas Callaway as your parasite, you find yourself being unable to be anything but.

It started out fine. Little proposals to hang out, to study, and then it became outrageous.

“Hey, good lookin’.”

“If your name came up in ‘Smash or Pass’, I’d full on smash.”

“Your ass in jeans shouldn’t be legal.”

Let’s just say Peter’s temper matched yours whenever the two of you saw him. To say the most popular couple in school is on a warpath is an understatement. Although the both of you are well respected in your own right, everyone knows to stay the fuck away from either of you. Every girl and guy has made a solidarity pact and everyone likes (or respects or fears) both you and Peter too much to so much as glance in the direction of your boobs and his dick.

Callaway just didn’t get the damn fucking memo.

As the date of homecoming approaches, you know that Peter will plan something elaborate to ask you out. Every year you feel the urge to tell him it doesn’t matter. He could ask you while you were in the middle of the exam and you’d still say yes. Not enthusiastically, but you would say yes. Unfortunately for you, that means that Thomas Callaway’s ‘suave’ flirtations doubled in amount.

As you stand at your locker during break, stuffing your notebook into your locker, you feel another presence hover over you.

“Hey, (Y/N).” Mentally preparing yourself, you pay Callaway no mind even when his breath puffs over your ear. “You got a date to homecoming? Because if you don’t...” He clicks his tongue and jabs a thumb towards himself. Rolling your eyes, you pause to calm yourself down before beginning to jam your textbook into your locker a lot harder than God intended.

“As I’ve told you a thousand times, I am going with Peter. I have been dating him since I have met you; that is not going to change, and I don’t want to go with anyone else.”

“Aw, come on. What does he have that I don’t?” Callaway asks, coming closer until his lips brush against your ear. Closing your eyes, you give him a count to three. You know people are staring and whispering, probably at how stupid this new guy is and when you give him two extra seconds and count to five, you’re wondering why you’re so merciful today. “Come on, baby, why don’t you bend over-”

“Woah!” Whirling around, you slap him hard across the face. He stumbles back as you storm up to him, digging a finger hard into his chest. “No. You don’t get to say that. You do not get to come to my locker, into my personal space, and insinuate things I don’t like, even after weeks of me saying no. You may have been able to push around other girls, make them feel uncomfortable, but let me tell you,” you chuckle, “you chose the wrong girl. I am not afraid to stand up to you. I am not afraid to make a scene. You have been sexually harassing me, even when I have calmly, firmly told you no. I have been forced to work with you because the school has told me to do so. You seem to mistake it for interest. I assure you. It is not. I loathe you. I despise you. And don’t think I won’t report you to the goddamn principal. You’re nasty.”

“You wonder what Peter Kavinsky has over you? A sense of what consent is near the top of the list,” you snap. “Leave me alone, Callaway.”

“Bitch,” he spits and you laugh facetiously. So he’s one of those people. “You’re probably one of those sluts who has him wrapped around your finger while you go off blowing all his friends.”

“Oh, don’t be one of those sad, sad guys. Calling me names because I hurt your little fragile ego? Slut-shaming? Really? I hope you grow up before you even think about asking another woman out again.” Slamming your locker closed, you turn to walk away when you see your boyfriend standing there with a slight smile on his face. A crowd has half-formed, students littering the halls in a semi-circle around you but you don’t care.

“You know, that wasn’t smart of you to piss her off like that,” Peter starts dangerously, walking forward and placing himself between you and Callaway. “Mostly because one, she can fucking kick your ass and two, she has a boyfriend who can probably bench press you right now if he wanted to.” Peeking around Peter, you see Callaway stare at you. “You know what else was a genius move of yours? Hitting on a girl who has a boyfriend.” Peter smiles blandly at the shorter guy as he takes a few paces up to him. “I’ve let it go, seeing as how you’re the new guy, but let me make one thing very, very clear. You come near her again outside the classroom again, and I don’t think you’ll like what happens to you, Thomas. You are not worth her time with how you act and what you say. Grow up, dude, seriously.”

Peter genuinely sounds disgusted and disappointed; so deeply so that it makes you chuckle and he glances back at you. He winks and you smirk as he turns back to Callaway.

“Go, man. Why are you still here? You’re just embarrassing yourself.” There’s a long moment where Callaway stares at you then drags his gaze back to Peter.

“Whatever. You’re not worth my time anyways. Skank.” You roll your eyes. What a classic tactic to bid for the last word. Name-calling. Cute.

“Uhm, bitch, you’re walking a fine line.” Peter crosses his arms over his chest and for a moment, there’s a long stare-off. “You’re dismissed, Callaway.” Another tense silence, then Callaway turns pushes through the crowd. “Let him through.”

“Alright guys, showdown is over. Let’s just get back to class,” you announce as Peter finally turns around with that wide smile you know is for you.

“I am so blessed that you’re my girl,” he whispers and you laugh as you wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him. “Honestly, I only wanted to step in for my two-cents but watching you verbally kick his ass was pretty great.”

“Well, now you’re making me blush,” you faux-swoon and he laughs, twirling you around. “Come on. Let’s get to class.” Pulling away, you extend your hand towards him and he takes it, swinging your arms as you walk to history.

“I love you.” Beaming from ear to ear, you feel your neck warm up as you stare at the tiles beneath your shoes.

“I love you, too.”

TAGS: @teawithbucky @shadowsndaisies @meemeehoelland

#to all the boys ive loved before #to all the boys i've loved before #tatbilb #to all the boys i've loved before movie #to all the boys i've loved before fanfiction #to all the boys ive loved before fanfiction #to all the boys i've loved before fanfic #to all the boys ive loved before fanfic #tatbilb fanfiction #tatbilb fanfic #peter kavinsky #peter kavinsky imagine #peter kavinsky x reader #my writing #peter kavinsky fanfiction #peter kavinsky fanfic

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shipping-n-handling · 6 years

Note

do you honestly still ship bellarke after that finale? im furious at jroth and the writers for baiting us this season imma bout to leave this fucking show. fuck this

Hey anon. Normally I don’t answer asks like this, but I’m seeing a lot of frustration on here and thought I would put out my two cents.

This show is dark. This show is angsty. And this show makes us ache deep in our chests for the characters we’ve seen go from plucky delinquents to the bloody warriors and anti-heroes they are now. I say anti-hero because almost every single character has done some really fucked up shit on this show. Massacres, betrayal, assassinations, freaking CANNIBALISM. The list goes on and on. In short, this show is not for the faint of heart. That being said, I understand how some people cling to the various ships and friendships in the show, as they can seem like rafts of light in the massive angst-storm that is the plot. However, I always try to urge people not to hold on to the show simply for the ships. It’s okay to really be invested in a relationship or a character on the show, and there have been some shows that I watch that for some arcs, it is the thing I cling to. But no matter what, there needs to be something else about the show that you love, or that you at the very least find interesting. If not, especially if the ship or character that you love has been having a hard time or is going through an angsty arc, you can end up resenting the show for not giving you the content that you’re hoping for. Again, its okay to hope for development in ships and characters! Ship away! Just please compliment that with other things so that you’re not holding onto the show with a thread and dragging down the rest of us, who actually enjoy it, with negativity and hate towards the cast/writers.

On that note, I will freely admit to being a little frustrated about how flip-floppy Jason has been with the bellarke fans. But I have to remember that he is trying to promote the show and that this is all for money, people. It’s not an attack on fans personally. Television is a business and needs to be marketed as such to bring people in, and thus generate revenue. If a particular ship is popular and that is how they get viewers, that’s the people they’re going to try and draw in. Does it feel like betrayal when they make you think one thing is going to happen and then they pull a 180? Of course! But that is the reality of television. If everything was exactly how the fandom thought it was going to be, where is the fun in that? Some of the best fanfics and fan art I’ve ever seen has been the result of a frustrated fan who wanted to express their love for a character/ship and let others share in that joy when the show itself wasn’t giving them that at the time. Disappointments are a part of life.

I know many people wanted bellarke to finally become canon this season. I did to! But this is a slow-burn (150+ years now!), and anyone who had been watching this show since the beginning or close to it knows exactly how long it has been watching those two idiots go from enemies to friends to partners to something a little more. And in reality, we got a lot of stuff this season; Clarke calling Bellamy on the radio, him finding out Clarke is still alive, basically everything with Madi and her trying to get them together or at least talk, their reunion scene, Clarke’s reaction to Bellamy and Echo being together, the whole arc with her betraying him and then severely regretting it, finding out Bellamy was still alive, and trying to make up for it by finally helping her friends, and then of course all the goodies we got in the finale. There’s probably tons of stuff I’m missing, but the point is we may not have gotten a kiss, declarations of love, marriage, babies, or any of that. But we did get little things here and there that are really telling of where these characters are coming from and how they will move forward in the future. We know that they are getting another season and I saw on here yesterday that they are even pretty sure they’re getting a season after that! So there is still plenty of time for Clarke and Bellamy to work out exactly how their relationship is going to evolve and change. Because despite all the crap I’ve been through personally with this angst-filled show, I still have hope. And that, I think, is one of the fundamental tenets of the 100; to be faced with utter hopelessness but keep pushing forward because you have hope of a better tomorrow. It may take forever to get there, but when it happens dear god will it be satisfying. And if the show ends and we never get canon bellarke, I will say right now that I will be upset. But I still will have gotten to watch a very good, gritty, dark, and emotional show that has honestly helped me form a few opinions of mine about human nature and for real some things about humans making AIs (that ALIE arc fucked me up emotionally *sobs forever). I love Octavia, Kane, Abby (maybe a little less this year but I still love her), RAVEN, Shaw now, Murphy’s sarcastic snarky ass, Emori, Diyoza (yeah, ikr??), and I will forever miss Jasper, Lexa, Jaha, LINCOLN, now Monty and Harper, and tons of other characters that still live on in fan fiction.

Basically, I know that this season was rough and I send virtual hugs to everyone who is emotionally aching from the finale and all that has happened to our beloved characters. But if you are waiting for ships to suddenly become all happy and sappy, you have been watching the wrong show. This is dark, gritty, and not too keen on giving happy endings. And you know what? That’s fine. Life isn’t fair and is hardly kind. If you want to watch something that lets you escape from your current reality and feel nice and fluffy and happy, please for the love of god watch another show. But if you want to stick with it and get invested in the characters and the mythology, with the adventure and betrayal, the blood and the sacrifices, if you want to root for ships that may not be textbook boy(or girl) meets girl (or boy) and lives happily ever after but are raw and compelling and angsty, please do. I’m a slut for angst, so I love all the will-they-won’t-they stuff. However, I love at the end of all that angst for there to be a happy ending of sorts. And that is where the hope part comes in. I’m sticking with the show and will see it to its end. If you want to join me, I have a nice comfy chair right beside me and we can sit here and cry together. :’)

All that being said, I fully respect your choice to leave if that is what will make you happy. I will never stand here on my soap box and say that people are quitters for not sticking with the show through all the angst. Some people just aren’t looking for that kind of emotional pain and I get that. I want people to be happy and to enjoy their content. For me, I love a bunch of shows that vary in emotional levels. I love Supergirl and the Flash which are happy and light shows most of the time, but I also love Game of Thrones, which is notoriously dark and bloody and almost never has a happy or predictable ending. To each their own; pop into the ship tags every now and then to see how your favorite pairing is doing. But please don’t harass those people who still love the show and are currently watching it with messages like the ones in my inbox now, about how I’m a shitty and stupid person for supposedly being manipulated by the writers and buying into their bullshit. And please don’t harass the cast, crew, or the writers no matter how much you think it may be their fault. They are just doing their jobs and have enough problems without haters and harassers heckling them every step of the way. Be kind, be courteous, and, please be smart. This got really long, but I just felt that I had to say something. Sorry for the book anon, but you caught me in a mood! ;) I hope you make a decision about the show that makes you happy. All I ask is that you don’t achieve it at the cost of someone else’s.

#the 100 #the 100 spoilers #bellarke #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #the 100 season 5 #the 100 season 5 spoilers

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storysided · 6 years

Text

i’ve been absent from the dash tonight, but came here to a tiny shit show which is always fun. anyway, i wanna start by saying that i love you all dearly. whether we talk ooc or not, you’re all the shit & seem very nice & kind & all around lovely. like this is one little fandom that i love dearly.

that being said, i’ve also been the recipient of shitty anon’s on my multi when i first brought hannah back a few days ago. i deleted them, but it’s been bothering me ever since. as someone who was very much a hannah as a teenager, someone who struggled with suicide attempts, self mutilation, & a whole slew of things, i can easily say that hannah resonates with me & gives me some sort of odd peace knowing that there’s a fictional character who got me. as a teen, the book made me feel less alone. as did several other books about these subjects, as well as movies such as girl, interrupted & the virgin suicides. ( if you want toxic, look up the virgin suicides which is vastly loved by this website, especially the deeply troubling line ‘ what we have here is a dreamer, somebody out of touch with reality. when she jumped, she probably thought she could fly ’ in reference to one of the sisters suicides. it’s very romanticized ( the way people think 13rw is but isn’t ) which is quite sickening, although i do love the movie still. )

anyway that’s beside the point -- i’ve come to realize that a lot of people like me have also felt this way at one point or another which is why we’ve flocked to these characters, loved on them, taken their portrayals into our own hands, & for the most part have ignored most of the show’s toxicity. this fandom is not toxic, we’re not horrible people, & it’s actually a really safe place despite the subjects on the show. it’s nice to be able to put all of that left over bullshit from my past & write it through a fictional character, giving me some sense of calm with the past & i don’t know, it’s just a generally good feeling. people here are not horrible. they’re not horrible for loving the book, the show, the characters, etc. i think that the show experienced a backlash that turned people off to it & away from it even if they hadn’t sat down & given it a chance. at this point i don’t give two shakes of a rats ass if anyone likes it or not. loving it is not toxic. what is toxic is telling people that they are for liking the show or characters or finding some sense of welcoming or seeing themselves in these characters. it’s fucking ridiculous. of course this goes for pretty much every fandom & it’s bullshit. anyone who sends an anon over some stupid bullshit because they don’t agree or get it or just want to hate on something is t o x i c.

so yeah, there’s my rambling two cents that i had to toss in because I Am Pissed right now & i don’t know, if any anon wants to come at me then go ahead. just remember that no one is making you follow these blogs. no one is forcing you into the fandom. all you’re doing is making people uncomfortable & upset in their safe writing corners which is really fucked up. none of these beautiful people would try to run you off of your own blog like you’re trying to do them / us.

#now i'm gonna go watch the challenge and be pissy #* — — HEY THERE DEMONS IT’S YA GIRL. › OOC

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threenorth · 3 years

Text

Tw dentist, blood doctors and maybe more i don't know it's ment to be a vent...ptsd horror I don't fucking know... Just leave I've warned you enough.. You can read whatever you fucking want.

Here's a vent that might take you forever to see, and i guess that's how it goes now.

To whoever finds me in my state of mind where there is only me and my battles of my own mind.

Thanks for what i assumed was coming to wish my happy birthday, i guess now it's not you, i thought id come clean and then to see you say you didn't know...

God i hate anons. Y'know? Can't they just tell us who they fucking are...and if i find out it's you later I'm going to more hurt, but i can take the hurt.

I will never do any of those things. It hurts you think I would, i got really fucked up a few weeks ago from everything that's happened this year and I'm haunted from a kiss, I've had to suppress my sexual activetly around you incase it brought you truma, so I found photos of things i thought was attractive and ultimately being undiagnosed autisc i guess there's alot I've had to learn the past 3 years... Let alone 7...everyday is beautiful and i face my demons and I'm winning some fights but now I've lost my reason to fight them, when i went to the gym and i can't do another push up i tell myself one more because it's a step closer to being able to pick you up and carry you over the line, not to do the other things you say.

But it's hard when all you can see is the other side of the coin, I thought id show you how much you mean to me, I don't think you should move away from the things, I just wanted to show you that i could of reached out but when i did it was only in an emergency... Your voice calms my seas like nothing else, now all i had was repeats of things that you said i guess now I'll have to live with your new words being painful ones...

I want to rebuild us, but now it's gone.

We need to talk, but we never can be on the same page, time is foward's and backwards you face your last battles because of me, i face mt first because I finally was brave enough to try ask for help because of you.

i guess we're both in bad places but i said i would get hurt for you, i want you to clear your plate but i guess i'm adding to it, but it only get better... Well for one of us...

but everytime it's a fight now, i tried to come to help at the time i saw what i thought was your sign for help. now i feel like no face from spirited away just another soul.

You once told me you wish people would fight over you, yeah little did you know then i wanted you but it seems you later we did too.

But i remember everything, about you it's taking up my memory because everything i choose to do, it's about you.

But I'll leave my socials how they are, if you want in my brain your find the fragments from June 2014 to September 2021, each blog post one thing in it was about you or something in my day.

If you want to find me, you know where I can be found.

In my letters i apologise for my actions, to everyone and try to talk to them.

I wanted to get to know them, but i guess i never will be able to either.

I even tell your father that i would always have an account for you with 5000 dollars it in so you can always go wherever you need to go.

I tell your father to exchange letters with your mother, where i tell her it would be nice to have Brunch with her.

I'm not a perfect person, but everyday i try to get my life back and every crossroad has your name on it.

Your wish is my command,

I hope you remember one thing from me.

I always tried my best for you, even if i knew at some stage your find out... I'm just sorry that I can't build a freindship with you when you mean so much to me aswell...

So herd about the police call.yeahhh that one was pretty bad but...

Did you know i called a safe shelter for you to ask pricing that i would of paid for?

I was loosing my mind but i said i would do anything so i guess my anything is walking away once more because that's what's asked, I want you to know I'm proud of you, your doing an only fans, the girl who told me she didn't want to wear a bikini because she was scared about her scars.

You truly are as beautiful as i saw, even if you didn't see it.

I guess i will never be able to be what i want to be, you are only person I've ever felt remotely anything for who understood me when my words don't work for anyone, but even when i didn't speak the ones i wanted you knew i suffered, yes i did but your voice heals my voids and makes me feel alive and now that I'm finally coming back all i want is you to sing to me, like i sung to you.

I'm ruined and broken, but to see you smile it's something that warms my heart like nothing I've felt.

I wrote about everytime i saw your face i saw the truma of the horror movie trailer, i saw your face and the horror on the screen, the lights the horror I couldn't do it because all i saw was you suffering.

I called the hospital twice and because i wasn't in harm to myself they didn't care, but i still kept my promise to you not to self harm, they didn't ask if I felt like it oh i surely did but i couldn't break a promise and see you in tears.

Do i want to die? Everyday my life without you.

Will I? No because everyday is full of pain i can feel again because of you,this sounds awful but the pain of having a good job because i remained here because of you.

I tell you father that we don't have much but he can take my life, and take it for every cent because it doesn't mean anything to me every paycheck i tried to save some money to help you out, and now i got new costs that i didn't plan on since my meltdown...

I will tell you many things but this one was supposed to be a surpise... In 2014 i asked someone if he wanted to help me make a song.

Some how being ignorant, he posted some of my songs lyrics to a website called something awful forum.

Eventually someone got in contact with me anf told me he did but something magical happened that a kiwi guy saw the song and put chords on it.

He modified it a little but in turn i could enter s contest for song lyrics, i came third.

Here's my song performance by nitton.

I would check the mail everyday hoping for a post card, but I've bounced around the place so many times that part would would say it's in the lost mail section of the post office.

I made this song when i first saw your smile and it melted me away but I told myself not to talk to you because you were younger than me but we became freind's then you became my best freinds then you became my lover then we broke apart then somehow because that's our relationship we met face to face, i left to suffer in my mental state or never being able to have you ever and try do college and now i rebuild my puzzle and piece I'm looking for is around your neck, you are my final piece, i knew you were special to me, but i hadn't known how special you would be...and still are.

She asked me how I was and i said good.

I lied to protect the ones you love.

I lied to survive another day to see you.

The days we didn't talk had been the hardest on me and now the days i talk to you are the hardest on you.

My problems fly away when i see your smile.

I wished it could be everyday forever...

But it keeps falling to pieces.

I have missing pecies but i don't notice my faults when you are with me i feel whole and complete.

Maybe the fault was the stars i saw in your eyes.

Maybe i am the pain I feared i was, i would tattoo my face to change it so all you can see is me but i grew my hair out like I've wanted and i grew my beard out needs a bit of trim but i wanted to show you that i have changed things have changed alot for me just as much as you.

But every wind blow in my hair feels like your hands in my hair...

I went to the dentist, got a clean done and this is hard on anyone but for me the sounds are so much worse being autisc, and then getting two cavities, i was in pain suffering from all the times I've had prior but I found peace in my pain reminding me I'm alive i felt your arm holding my hand, telling me everything will be okay and I let go of my pain and suffering from dentists and still hate the sound but...

I went for my covid injection, i had a mental issue on the way there but i didn't feel my pain you told me that I was okay and this is a new chapter for me.

In the day after talking to the people across the country. I had been in hospital, they had taken my blood i asked for not having a nerve block on my arm maybe it was the anti-pychs but i didn't really feel it this time, my nurse (male) was. Named the same as one of my bully's, the only one to apologise to me for making my life hell.

I don't feel pain anymore, but I do feel remorse and regret i guess i'm finally a man but a man in progress as I'm awaiting to tell them about my pain and suffering I've been through to maybe get meds. Everyday I wake up since 2014 and think i hope your okay, but i saw your face and the horror on the screen your face causes me pain but i can take it and eat it away until my demise of being bullied one night in a bar, I'm glad i didn't do anything stupid but i sure as hell felt it but then i remember that my job would be in jeopardy.

I never planned coming back to Colorado unless i need to and if that means wearing a gps tracker your see the only place i would go would be to the amc, the place my life begun and ended within minutes of each other, i might go up on that rock and scream out that I'm such a fuck up.

If i become famous in my song writing, i told myself I'd never tour colorado.

I would give you every grain of truth but when you say yours I'm in tears you think I'm capable of those things, I'm still haunted by our kiss.

Didn't he tell you that? I said i didn't ask permission to kiss you.

What do you think that means?

I had my rules for being with you and i started horrible habits to deal with my other parts.

I've given that up many moons ago, but you can't be here to believe me, my words feel powerless and weightless because you can't see my world, i see yours through a tinted widow that's how we are.

My words are often misconception and miskewed...

You may never understand my disabilities or my issues I face daily, I don't even know if I'm going to be able to drive yet... but i face them because you gave me hope for better things to come on my hardest days.

I tell you that i would of searched and this comes across like that word you use.. No I'm trying to say that i said would of looked everywhere for you, you are so fucking special to me, you don't have a fucking idea how special.

but you right where i left you, you are the best thing i saw in co, you are the best thing to happen to me in 27 years including college graduation and maybe even being told i would be hired full time... Maybe your be lucky enough to get a full time job.

I told him that every line there would be she can shortcut the line, he didn't even budge to see the lie when i named your demons with one being a lie, he doesn't fucking care about you the way i do, he can't even give a shit to make a fucking comprise on diet for you, you have dated him for 5-6 years. He's a complete douche bag.

He's never going to understand your hints..you see for me i had to analyse every word and every phrase and every gesture to try understand you and i failed to see the ones when you got broken.

I failed to see the time you were trumantised, but you saw me suffering and you made me feel at ease, but i opened my eyes to soon why couldn't you tell me it was over, why couldn't you see that..because you like horror and I've hated it...

that comes across like s- so fucking be it, i know more about you then most people.

I want what's best for you so i guess what's best for you now is that i never get to tell you that I've thought about you everyday expect once, for 7 years.

I guess I'll never tell you how in my darkest hours you push me.

I guess I'll never tell you that i would marry you on my best days and my worse days.

I guess your never find out what you want to know because I've offered to try mend but all I do fucking bend.

I said it once but ill change my words.

I don't know if it's me, well now i know its not.

I hope who ever it is you choose they at least have the fucking desire to learn everything they can.

And maybe they might understand how to ground people in the right way, and not tell them that reailty was wrong, i know you and i don't know what he knew about me, but he could of asked me anything.

In my letter to him i had planned to tell him you should of put a god damn ring on that finger i felt i should of many years ago but I couldn't, can't you see we had to do college and all this other shit...

Within 3 months of dating you i would of asked...

He's had fucking 5-6 years 3-4 more years with you then i ever did, he's a fucking idiot.

But if you love him, go ask him to marry you and don't wait for your fucking mental ex to come back,but you did... You waited for the perfect man I'll tell you I'm not perfect but I've made peace that I'm not, i just wanted to hold you in my arms as i cry on the days i think my pillow is you.

You say you threw out my favourite t-shirt.

I have to believe that, you say many things...

I would of asked for your hand a few months ago but didn't see the laws regarding that marriage is that i have to be in mountains , and file a record to the courts but if i return to mountains i know I'll be shackled more then i have been prior in my mental health.

If you needed blood on a surgery it's a shame I'm the same type,they may tell me it's risky to give more than a certain ammout but i would tell them to risk everydrop for you, i wonder if we're kidney matches, because i would give you my kidney.

If you wanted the moon i would find a way to legally name a crater for you, i wish i had more money to pay your surgery in full, but if you were here my medical insurance would cover most of it.

I would do anything for you and i guess the one thing you can't get from me is the thing you will get. A painful memory that when i tried my best to rebuild my life again and hearing you speak to me i should of just left you alone but I couldn't help it all I've ever done and wanted was to be yours, I wanted a tech job paying well to look after you i wanted to be in San Francisco we both loved the bay. If you need anything at all, i won't provide it because it's already been given you gave me my life and it belongs to you, you can do whatever you want to it. You want it gone so hes.

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k-hiphopshit · 7 years

Text

She Is Something Else (Gray x Reader)

Requested by anon. Enjoy!

You were always fascinated by music, your dad was a great musician, your first memory of him was playing the guitar while your mom painted.

You were a beautiful mix of your mom who was from Thailand and your dad who was Korean, you lived in Korea your whole life, since your parents thought it would be better for the family cause your dad was well established.

As you grew you learned how to play guitar but your passion was r&b and rap, you were the only girl that was 13 and had posters and had a playlist full of 50 cent, tupac, biggie, ice cube and other OG's from the hip hop community. That followed to you doing rap battles and open mic at clubs at the young age of 16, it was hard since you would go against people that are way older and ruthless, that also helped you go harder and push your pen. Now you could go against anyone with your eyes closed, they were no limits.

"You know Gray is here?" "THE Gray?" you asked one of your friends. You were surprised that a well established producer would hang around underground clubs, I guess he did not forget his roots. "Yeah, he is with the others, they say they are looking for new talent, I think they are looking for a girl with another talent" Your friend joked. You laughed and decided to take the joke a bit further. "I can do both" You weren't 100% joking. Seonghwa was a gorgeous guy, who wouldn't want to spend a night with him, you always wondered what's under the quiet and mysterious attitude. "Please focus on your performance and then worry who will keep you company" Your producer chipped in. You giggled at his comment and got up from your seat. Time to work

You were never the shy one. You quickly got rid of that habit when you got in the industry, being shy would not get you anywhere around here, so whatever you wanted you would try damn hard to achieve. Now that was getting Seonghwa's attention.

"Now before we continue I want to give a warm welcome to the very talented artists from AOMG. Give a round of applause for them" The crowd cheered and the lights went on them, they smiled and raised their glasses- full of alcohol might I add-

"Since they are here, we should do something special, do you remember my song 'beg for it'? we haven't done that in a while" You didn't perform that song often cause it was very provocative, it was like a special treat when you were feeling yourself.

So the beat started and you got completely in the zone, you let your body move as it wanted while your voice got lower and smoother, puckering up your lips and dropping your shoulders to show your chest a bit better.

As the music stopped you had already seen where he was and looked straight at him. You smiled and did a bow

"Thank you everyone, have a good night"

You walked down the stage and back to your room to take your stuff. It didn't take much time for the bodyguard to come to you and tell you that they want you in the V.I.P area, you of course had no problem with it and followed him to the private area.

"That was an interesting show miss"

"Thank you, I always try to do something special for special guests"

You said to him, you could see that he was paying close attention to your lips, so you took initiative and put your hand to his shoulder.

"I also do private shows, but that's for very special guests"

"Let's go, I want to be in that list"

You didn't really think through it, Show me the money was a great opportunity for you and you didn't pay attention that a guy you shared your bed with was going to be there, you just brushed it off thinking that you are both grown ups and it wouldn't bother you.

You pasted the first audition with great success, thank God Zion T was the one that judged you. Now here you were, waiting for the door to open and reveal all the judges, expecting you to rap a flawless verse for a straight minute.

"Oh it's (y/n) hello miss"

"hello"

"The infamous (y/n) came to our show? this will be fun, Right Gray?"

Simon butted in and nudged Gray. Gray managed to keep his cool and not give anything away. You just smiled and tried to brush it off

"So let's hear what you got"

Dok2 said and you nodded your head. As the beat started you almost immediately blurted out the lyrics, avoiding eye contact with Gray. He on the other hand just kept looking at you, he remembered exactly how you felt, smelled, feel, talked... moaned, it just kept repeating in his head. Soon enough the one minute was off and you got an ALL PASS.

"You were great, such good lyrics"

"Thank you, I appreciate that"

You replied with a smile on your face, still avoiding Gray's eyes.

"So let me ask, have you thought what team to join?"

Simon asked, you knew where this was going, Simon was there when you left with Gray, so he was just trying to embarrass his friend in a sneaky way, just enough to make a fool out of him and not to get a scandal out.

"Yes I have"

"Which one is that?"

"I'm inbetween illionaire and AOMG"

I mean.... why not join in on the fun? you were always a bit of a daredevil, so you just couldn't help but give him a bit more help to his evil plan against his partner.

"Did you hear that? She will be on our team"

Seonghwa wanted to either punch his friend or just show his utter excitement at your decision. There was just something about you that drew him in so of course he was happy that he had a chance to have you around him as much as possible. On the outside, he just simply smiled and nodded his head, he didn't forget that he still was around cameras and under the eye of the mnet that was in desperate need of some drama.

"Thank you very much (y/n), we'll see you on the next round"

"Bye everyone"

You walked out with your head held high and closed the door, the crew already waiting for you.

"Take a close up on my face, this is the face of the first female that will win this show"

You smiled with confidence and went to the room with the other people that had gotten to the next round, quietly getting a seat.

"She is something else"

Kush said on the mic, he didn't even know the story behind you two but he hit the nail on the spot. Something took over Seonghwa so he said

"I agree, she is a handful"

Simon just laugh and that gave him a boost on his evil side to keep the teasing going.

"Do you want her on our team Gray? I think she will be a great add, she has the skill and the looks, am i right?"

"I hate you, I really do but yeah she is very... nice, she will be a great participant"

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