#if u wanna cancel me over this. get a life

[minthara]

Ascendant Astarion kiss ⚜ 1 / 2 / 3

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

[ijltln]

depression cancelled

[soulaires]

I know your requests are closed but I just wanted to send this in incase I forgot, anyways imagine Aaron taking care of Baby Dior (like when she was 3 months and still a baby) while reader was gone🤭🤭🤭

I LOVE ALL YOUR FICS BTW🌸✨🤍🤍🤍

My love mine all mine.

PAIRINGS — girl dad!Aaron Warner x mom!Reader

SYPNOSIS — you are in a (much needed) day out with your friends so daddy aaron took over.

OR

baby dior and daddy aaron bonding time <3

ⓘ :: domestic fluff, married life, fluff, girldad!warner, baby dior and aaron bonding, dior is a menace in bath time, NOT proofread so there will be errors …

RiE’s 💌; hope you guys liked this one! I still don’t take requests at the moment but I wanna get back to writing soon so here is something for y’all since its been awhile 🫂 btw did u guys missed me ☹️

As you kissed your husband goodbye and waved at your baby girl, Dior, a wave of uncertainty washed over you. Maybe you should just cancel and stay home with Aaron and Dior, you thought, feeling guilty at the prospect of leaving them alone. "Maybe I should just cancel and stay ove—"

"My love, we will be okay," Aaron interrupted gently, his reassuring voice cutting through your doubts. "Go and have fun, sweet love. You deserve a rest, hm?"

"But—" you began, only to be silenced by Aaron's lips pressing softly against yours. "Love," he warned.

It was your first girls' day out since Dior was born, and while you were eager for some much-needed relaxation, leaving your husband and daughter behind felt strangely weird.

“Okay, okay..” you wield with a smile, planting another soft kiss on Dior's forehead and then Aaron's lips. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

"We'll be fine, sweetheart," Aaron reassured you, his warm smile melting away any lingering worries. "Go enjoy your day with the girls. Dior and I have got this."

He smiled, his hand reaching out to gently cup your cheek. “Everything will be alright, darling" he assured you, his eyes filled with confidence. "We'll have a daddy-daughter day and make it an adventure, won't we, little miss?”

Dior, who had been playing with her plushies nearby, let out a happy gurgle in response, seemingly oblivious to the conversation happening around her.

You hesitated for a moment, torn between the desire to spend time with your friends and staying over with your little family. But as you looked into your husband's eyes, you knew that everything would be okay.

With a final kiss, you stepped out of the door, feeling a mix of excitement and guilt tugging at your heartstrings. As you drove away, you couldn't shake the feeling of leaving a piece of your heart behind, but you pushed the thoughts aside, determined to make the most of your day out.

Meanwhile, back at home, Aaron cradled Baby Dior in his arms, “guess it's just you and me huh, princess?" he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss on her rosy cheek.

With Dior snuggling in his embrace, Aaron set about their day, his heart overflowing with love and determination to make it special for his precious daughter.

Yeah, he got this. He did not read some books and took some lessons about being a first time dad for nothing.

He'll make you proud.

After playing with his daughter, he prepared their lunch and dior’s milk. He hummed a soft tune as he prepared a bottle of milk, expertly measuring out the formula and testing its temperature with practiced hands. He then made the baby’s food.

–

As Dior suckled contentedly on her bottle, Aaron gazed down at her with adoration, marveling at the miracle of her existence. "You're growing so fast, baby," he murmured, brushing a stray lock of hair away from her forehead. "But no matter how big you get, you'll always be my little angel."

His daughter just continued with her thing, completely oblivious to her fathers rambling. “Alright, baby I will just wash my hands, hm? Be a good girl for daddy okay? I will be back ” it only took him approximately 10 seconds before running back to his daughter.

10 seconds and it was a mess.

Oh well.

10 seconds and his lovely princess decided to express her creativity by splattering milk and baby foods all over herself and the surrounding area, much to Aaron's amusement.

“Well, it looks like we've got a little artist on our hands,” Aaron chuckled, wiping away the mess with a cloth and earning a gurgling giggle from Dior in response.

With the mess cleaned up, Aaron scooped up Dior in his arms and made his way to the bathroom for her bath. Bath time with Dior was always an… adventure, dare he say. As Aaron filled the tub with warm water and added a few drops of baby wash, Dior squirmed and her chubby legs kicked.

"All right, little one, time to get cleaned up," Aaron said with a strained smile, lowering Dior into the water and waiting for the impact.

Aaron Warner does love his daughter but hell, Dior was no saint nor angel when it comes to bath time she absolutely hated it, and she made it his tiny life’s mission to make sure her parents dreaded it as well.

—

“Princess, please, just cooperate with me," Aaron pleaded, his voice tinged with exhaustion as he struggled to keep his squirming daughter still in the warm bathwater.

Aaron's confidence dissolved into thin air the moment his baby's cries pierced the air, reverberating through the tiled bathroom. He felt a pang of guilt wash over him, unable to bear the sound of her distress.

Oh, God. It hurts to hear her cry.

Warner honestly couldn’t believe something could cry as much as Dior without passing out, the wriggling baby wailing her heart out in an attempt to persuade her dad to release her. “I’m sorry, baby girl, but you brought this upon yourself,” he sighed, gently massaging bubbles onto his daughter's belly as her tiny feet kicked water at him, clearly attempting to escape.

Searching for a solution, Aaron hastily reached for a bottle of soapy liquid, praying that its mysterious contents would alleviate his daughter's distress.

As if by magic, Dior's cries ceased the moment the scent of her mother's soap enveloped her, her sobs replaced by contented murmurs and coos, her tension gradually melting away.

Finally calm in her dad's embrace, Dior succumbed to the soothing influence of the soap, her grip tightening around Aaron's finger as her little nose wrinkling and eyelids occasionally fluttering open and closed.

Understanding his daughter's longing for her mother, Aaron tenderly bathed her, silently empathizing with her yearning as he washed her delicate skin, taking advantage of her drowsiness to ensure a thorough cleansing.

“mhm..” Aaron hummed, finally understanding the cause of his daughter's untamable mood. “You just miss mama, huh?” he murmured, gentle as he picked up a sponge, running the soft material along the cooing baby’s chest and belly, taking advantage of the sleepy mood that seemed to come over the little girl.

“Yeah.. me too, baby” was all he could think to say, honestly relating to the fit his daughter had thrown over missing her mother, Warner feeling the same way—well, minus the screaming and crying.

Finishing the bath, Aaron leaned down to press a kiss on the sleepy dior forehead. "Let’s get you to bed," he whispered, hand cupping some water to rinse her and dressing her up in her pajamas before he gently lifted her to his chest, head resting against his shoulder.

—

Aaron went a b-line to diors room as he cradled Dior in his arms, singing her a lullaby to lull her to sleep.

"Moon, tell me if I could

Send up my heart to you?

So, when I die, which I must do

Could it shine down here with you?."

Dior, nestled against Aaron's chest, seemed to respond to the comforting melody, her breathing slowing as she drifted closer to sleep. Her tiny hand grasped at the fabric of Aaron's shirt, seeking solace in his warm embrace.

"Cause my love is mine, all mine

I love mine, mine, mine

Nothing in the world belongs to me

But my love mine, all mine, all mine

My baby, here on earth

Showed me what my heart was worth

So, when it comes to be my turn

Could you shine it down here for her."

Aaron swayed as he gently swing his daughter to sleep, humming while caressing her chubby cheeks.

“Cause my love is mine, all mine

I love mine, mine, mine

Nothing in the world belongs to me

But my love mine, all mine

Nothing in the world is mine for free

But my love mine, all mine, all mine”

As the last notes of the song faded away, Aaron pressed a tender kiss to Dior's forehead, With a contented sigh, he continued to sway gently, the rhythm of his movements lulling Dior into a peaceful slumber.

Aaron settled her into her cozy crib for a nap, carefully tucking her in with a soft blanket and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Sweet dreams, my darling," he whispered, his heart swelling with love as he watched her drift off to sleep.

With Dior peacefully resting, Aaron took the opportunity to tackle some chores around the house, all the while keeping a watchful eye on the baby monitor to ensure Dior was safe and sound. He washed the dishes with practiced efficiency, tidied up the living room, and even managed to squeeze in a load of laundry, all while stealing glances at the monitor every few minutes to check on his sleeping daughter.

As the day wore on, Aaron found himself counting down the minutes until your return, eager to share with you the precious moments he and Dior had shared together. He imagined your face lighting up with joy.

Finally, the sound of the front door opening brought a smile to Aaron's face, and he hurried to greet you, his heart brimming with love and excitement.

“Welcome home, my love,” he said, enveloping you in a warm embrace and pressing a kiss to your lips. “Did you have fun, baby?”

You nodded, your eyes shining with happiness as you gazed at Aaron. "It was wonderful, but I missed you both terribly," you admitted, your voice tinged with emotion.

"We missed you too, my love," Aaron replied, his gaze softening as he looked at you and inhaling the familiar scent of home.

As you pulled away from the hug, you couldn't help but notice the absence of your daughter. "Where's Dior?" you asked.

"She's already fast asleep in her room," Aaron explained, gesturing towards the hallway.

"Well, I hope she didn't give you too much trouble," you joked, grateful for Aaron's patience and love.

"Not at all," Aaron replied with a chuckle. “except for the bath part. a nightmare, honestly” he joked, while you softly giggle, beautiful eyes shining and ge can't help but stare at it with adoration.

you are home. home with him. home with dior.

🏷 :: @ravisinghs-wife @ab-baybay @aaronwarnerobsessedmylove @cosmicswan @nomournersonefuneral @corpsedoll777 @lilyevansstudygroup @arinexeisnotworking @reminiscentreader @seaveysoceaneyes @luvv4evaabaemh @kindnessspreads

To be added, please let me know! And make sure your account can be tagged!! (accs that have line on it can't be tagged bc of their settings)

[spaceyflowers]

hi!! im still alive!! + updates on this blog

first: i would like to apologize for disappearing without a word for like. nearly a year. im terribly sorry for any worry i've caused T_T;;

honestly i have no good excuse for disappearing like i did especially without reason (not that im obligated to let everyone know my business but i did have a "i wont randomly disappear!" sentiment and yet... here i am) but in a nutshell, its basically: fandom shifts, college, and guilt.

if you want to know about the future of this blog fandom wise;

still going to be a lookism/viral hit blog (havent caught up yet) but most likely wont be as active in the fandom anymore;;; thinking of sticking as a lookism blog until that series ends but who knows when it will so i might eventually just change fandoms 😭

please dont feel bad about unfollowing or anything!! curate what u wanna see with who u follow, i take no personal offense, even if we've been long time mutuals!! ><

fandom shifts will probably be more common; i have this weird thing where i cant focus on multiple interests or i get stressed;; so i get obsessed with one thing for months/years but then once i lose interest and move on, its likely i wont return to it unless something triggers it. thats why i dont think "multifandom" fits me, i'll always be fandom focused, its just the fandom focus changes 😭

p.s. sorry if im being dramatic about this (i feel like a youtuber who got canceled writing an apology 😭😭) i just feel like i owe yall an explanation </3

if you're curious about me, i've left that under the cut;

got into a new interest which made me stop looking at lookism/viral hit stuff -> knowing my blogs are lookism focused, i decided to take a "break"

couldnt get myself back into lookism after my "break" ended -> couldnt get myself back on tumblr

started to feel guilty because i havent been active in a long while

senior year ending, school takes my priorities -> summer break comes, i swear i'll apologize on tumblr but guilt eats away at me and then i have to do college stuff

become a little active on tiktok, start feeling more guilty because im active there but not on tumblr

college begins, get busy with college stuff -> during breaks, swear i'll apologize on tumblr pt 2 but the guilt has piled up so much it feels like the equivalent of when a person cant get themself to reopen their animal crossing new leaf game because they havent touched it in a long time

first college semester ends, winter break starts -> finally convince myself to get over it and start typing all this up

once again im really sorry T_T i was not made for the content creator life bc i cant stay active for shit + i feel so bad gaining followers for one thing but once i move on from that one thing, it feels like im disappointing a lot of ppl even tho i know i dont owe strangers on the internet anything- im just repeating myself now but yknow

oh and for anyone curious: my current fandom is dmc <3

[awakenmiamor]

Rdrtwt is crazy omg they’re all attacking these two 15 year olds right now ( louiemacguire and auraverra/auravirra) for not even shipping morston but for saying it’s not incest

And people are screaming at them and making call out posts saying “stay away from these people for your own good” and accusing them of being racist and a proshipper . and earlier they all cancelled this other girl, pacinoslut , for liking dutch

LMFAOOOOOOOOO WHAT😭😭😭😭 THATS CRAZY THE KINDERGARTEN IS ON FIREEEEEE LETS GOOOOOOO 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Now that sounds very interesting but also so fucking embarrassing ❤️ i get the teenage hormones and shit blabla gaming phase twitter phase but theyll be so embarrassed when they grow and IF they mature😭😭 i promise u theres more important things in life than losing ur mind over ppl that like some pixels from a game

Either way i stay the hell away from rdr twitter. When i see a rdr post on my tl i mute the account to make sure i dont get more😭 i genuinely dont wanna be there

CANCELLED FOR LIKING DUTCH IS INSANE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 OH MY GOD I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES TRYING MY HARDEST NOT TO LAUGH I CANT. PLEASE TELL ME U GUYS SEE HOW INSANE THIS IS

Why is rdr twitter just the g3nshin and mha fandoms combined with a sprinkle of purity

[ticklishraspberries]

hi hello i hope this isn't weird but what do you love about The Great? I finally have hulu and im about to start watching it because of you fr like i dont go there but I WANNA GO THERE // @tickle-bugs

omg hi i love this question!! i'm gonna tell you my favorite and my least favorite aspects so u can make a genuinely informed decision lol!! i believe this is all vague enough to not give anything away but give you a genuine review of the show to help you decide to watch it!! i would LOVE if you watched it, i think if you wrote a fic for this in your gorgeous style, i would DIE bc...i just know you'd KILL IT but also 0 pressure, seriously.

my favorite things about the great are:

the characters are all incredibly well-written, well-rounded, and well-acted - especially elle fanning's portrayal of catherine

the humor is sort of dirty/low-hanging fruit but it genuinely always makes me laugh, every episode, someone will say/do something so absurd or hilarious that it cracks me up

the dynamics between all the characters are fascinating - it takes place in a country/time period where class/status, gender, etc. all are so important to your place in society, and yet, characters often have unlikely imbalances of power and different dynamics that you might not expect

the romance is so compelling, just about every romantic relationship has so many layers to it and plays into many different tropes: you have the doomed-by-the-narrative lovers, the childhood besties to star-crossed lovers, the enemies AND lovers simultaneously...just the romance and the sexual scenes are all so compelling and well-done, they clearly had a great intimacy coordinator on this or smth bc damn

THE COSTUMES ARE SO FUCKING STUNNING, like the costumes are indescribably beautiful and actually breath-taking. the dresses that all the main women wear are like actually perfect, i want to steal them all. elle fanning is so beautiful and they manage to make her look even more amazing, like her hair/makeup/outfits are just incredible, but everyone looks so good.

this show doesn't use "it was a different time period" to justify any lack of diversity - there are characters of all different races, multiple canonically queer characters, women are badass and well-written/represented, and while it does address issues like aspects of discrimination in russia during that time period, there is very little actual racism/homophobia in the show, like the characters who are black or queer do not suffer.

my least favorite things about the great are:

the historical inaccuracy is self-proclaimed, but gets a bit silly at times - catherine the great was so fascinating and well-documented in history, but they really just took a concept and ran with it without even trying to get anything right? there are little things like, the number/gender of siblings catherine had, but then the huge differences like how catherine rose to power and became empress. it makes a compelling story, but if you're a history buff, it can be frustrating!!

on that topic, it does gloss over a lot of the good that catherine the great did in real life as it gets caught up in the drama/comedy/romance of the show and forgets to show her as the genuinely accomplished woman she was.

this is a big one: it got cancelled. i haven't finished s3 yet, but i'm a few episodes in and i'm not confident that it is going to end on a fully satisfying note. if a show being cancelled is a turn-off for you, this one did just end and i'm still not sure if the ending is anti-climactic or not, lol.

lastly, this doesn't personally bother me, but it is extremely inappropiate. there is a lot of violence (not too much gore, everything is either very obviously fake, or not explicit), nudity/sex, and totally vulgar language. there is a lot of infidelity, implied/mentioned SA but no scenes that are violent or explicit, overuse of the word "cunt", etc. so just proceed with caution and consider looking up content warnings if you're wary!!

[without-it]

ok i lied i love to update u guys. heres updates and general tips and goals for the next fast ❤️

said id wait till thursday but at my core im a little silly guy who loves to lie and tell untruths!! so heres the fasting tea abt wrapping up that last 90 hour fast and starting this one

first off, the refeeding and weight gain update from the two days of eating "normally" : weight update this morning, from my last weigh in on monday, i gained about 1/3 of a pound (i lost just over 10 pounds so really good return) so really happy with that honestly. refeeding is such a huge and often overlooked aspect to fasting, and if its handled wrong it can often negate all ur hard work.

when i refeed i focus on PLAIN low calorie foods. if you end a fast with curry to be perfectly honest ur gonna shit urself to death and have a fucking miserable time lmao. my go to is a PLAIN UNSEASONED steamed veggie dish (usually steamed broc and corn, broc bc low calorie and corn bc i am a corn GIRLIE), and often with miso soup to go with it. unseasoned foods help with the upset tummy after ending a fast, and get ur body used to actually processing glucose again. and miso soup is just a nice low calorie simple food to add some fun into that meal. pls dear god do not eat sweet foods / high salt / high seasoned in general / or heavy meat or sauced dishes as a fast breaking meal. if youve fasted for more than a 4 days im not joking you can literally end up dying from that so just be responsible shawtie damn. (look up refeeding syndrome im not a doctor so im not gonna give u the lowdown)

things to focus on during the fast to help prevent rapid weight gain: drink ur god damn liquids. i dont care if ur getting water in thru diet soda or tea or fizzy water or even coffee. that is water, that is a pro and do not listen to ppl who say that water "doesnt count". when you restrict liquids during a fast you will obvi lose more weight in the short term, but during refeeding if u start drinking normally again (as i really hope u are lmao) you will gain this water weight rapidly. u turned ur body into a desert for a few days, and best believe the second u have more liquid ur body is gonna hang on to that for dear life. its better for u and less stressful in the long run to just keep up ur liquid intake during fasts trust me.

and then this is my go to routine for every fast:

every day i take these suppliments: high strength collagen, iron, zinc, a womens multivit, and the unsung hero of fasting? FIBER TABLETS. bro i can fast for over a week and still not be constipated bc im on my SIGMA FIBER GRINDSET

and then my daily intake: at least a liter of water every day with the "Endura brand low carb sugar free electrolyte drink" (in lemon lime flavor) (i put 2 scoops aka 2 serves per liter of water) the taste is super mid but honestly drinking that every day on my last fast made things such a breeze. literally like no headaches, no cramps, minimal dizziness, and my sleep was mostly uneffected.

then i also have either a can or two of coke zero. yes i know it has 1.1 calories and diet coke would be technically more appropriate for a fast, but i hate diet coke and u will not catch my ass drinking it

and then a cup or two of green tea with a 0 calorie sweetener. no recommendations on the sugar bc honestly i swap between brands depending on whats avail at my grocery store that week lmao.

all this liquid and high variety keeps me kinda full, and provides fun taste enrichment so i dont literally go monkey insane drinking plain water for a week. cool if u can do that but ur literally a psycho and not to be trusted frankly

so current goal is at least lunch time saturday. i have plans to do lunch w my friend but honestly if im not rly hungry then and i wanna keep the fast going im just gonna cancel that lunch or even push it to dinner to just get a few more hours in!

as usual, expect weight updates every morning. the starting situation is: 87kg exactly ( 191.8 pounds) , 20% of my weight loss goal achieved. see yall tmro for the update!

[celestie0]

HALLO ELLIE!!! proud to say ive successfully managed to move on from my situationship! hope u don’t mind me rambling about this guy.

let’s call him f since that’s his initial. F and I have been friends since primary sch, he eventually had to move because his dad passed away. Anyways, two years ago we started talking again because his family visited mine. Long story short, things were complicated because we had been flirting a lil bit and he also said that ‘if you flirt with other guys, I’ll starve myself’ which Icked me so BAD. He did apologised .Last year, I ‘happy birthday’ed my way into his life and started talking again because I really did miss him, he’s my childhood best friend after all. After like two weeks? I don’t remember anymore💔 He told me he loved me and i was happy to say it back to him. (I was such a fool😭) I remember being giggly and all. On 23rd August we got into a fight because we planned to meet up and i said to him ‘okay I’m nervous. I don’t think I wanna meet up’ which made him mad. MIND YOU! we were in planning stages. i didn’t cancel on him on the day itself! I had lots of things going on at that time so him just casually saying I was PLAYING him made me so upset. He had the cheek to tell me ‘ily’ because honestly I hate when people start getting all affectionate after a fight. I hope you get it😭 the next month went okaaay until 23rd sep. (23 is like a curse at this point💔💔) I confronted him on why he hasn’t been saying ‘ily’ back it may seem something small but I hate not getting it back like excuse me? AND HE SAID TO ME ‘my ex was the only one who managed to make me feel loved’ I CRIED SO BADDD!!!! how could he say that after everything I’ve did for him. smh. yada yada things went on and in dec we stopped talking. I really did liked talking to him and all but it was too much. There was certain moments where I felt like he was just using me cause I wanted him. The times where we sexted (no nudes were exchanged, just texts.) though we did call because he wanted to hear me moan. not my proudest moments, I don’t wanna be begging for a guy’s attention again. I genuinely loved him with my whole heart :((

IM SO SORRY 4 RAMBLING ON!!!! I needed to let this out so badly 🤒❤️‍🩹 love u sm ellie

— frank ocean anon

hiii my love <3 omg GASP i’m so proud of uuu situationships are hell on earth i hope you feel at peace now!!

PLS YOU’re SO REAL FOR GETTING THE ICK OVER THAT!! i swear jealousy is only attractive w fictional men ✋🏼😭 it is NOT a cute look for actual men slsldkfjfh imo its a lil overbearing n strange haha

aww thats sad hun u guys are like childhood best friends so i imagine it was still tough not speaking :(( WOW he said i love youu n you said it backk. its ok bb if it was a happy thing in the moment then it can stay that way in your memory regardless of how stuff turned out in the end :”) be kind to yourself <3

ahhh yea thats 🚩 the whole getting mad cuz you cancelled…and no i totally get that, i hate that sort of “love bombing” after a fight, it just comes off as in-genuine. thats so valid n i relate

OH MY GOSH THE COMMENT ABOUT HIS EX ☹️☹️ WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT…some things you should just keep to your fuckin self. thats awful im sorry love 🥲🥲 you deserve SO much better than that

it’s okkk bb, you knew him a long time n even apart from relationship/situationship, there was still a friendship there too. you can really love someone but also realize theyre bad for you, those two can coexist. i’m so proud of you for realizing you deserve better than someone who makes you feel like you’re being used! no one should ever feel that way. take it easy bb but truuuly truly truly time will heal <3 chin up!! so many wonderful experiences out there for you still my dear

- much loveee, ellie ☁️

[fagcrisis]

i have date with a guy i blocked half a year ago for being a little annoying but he texted me again yesterday and i was like yknow what why not bc hes hot as hell and also nice just annoying. hes coming over to watch a movie in 25 minutes. im regretting the decisions i made in my life that led me to this point i am so nervous. anyway do you think i can get isekaid away before 3pm and what do you think the funniest world would be to get isekaid into

u could still cancel if u dont wanna do it... i mean its kind of an asshole move but not that bad. hell get over it. anyway naruto obviously

[philtstone]

Bucky, 5

#5 -- barefoot in the kitchen so there were like 3 separate directions i could take this prompt and i cycled through a few of them before landing here -- one version got mostly written and then tumblr ATE it, which may have contributed to the sudden left turn into Big Angst territory -- and, basically, i am just throwing this out there and trying not to overthink it. the prompt is supposed to be bucky centric. for context, this ficlet is a direct follow up to this chapter of "all i wanna do is wash your clothes", in which an old hydra lab record of bucky's reconditioning process gets leaked onto the internet for 24 hours. i dont want to colour the fic in the wrong light but pls note this is rated a hard t and involves a pretty involved panic attack and mentions of dissociation and mild/momentary hallucinations. a lot of this thing attempted to be an exercise in show don't tell, which may have worked OR may have turned it into a collection of moments in a trench coat with no clear through line. sorry in advance for the angst, i am not a licensed mental health professional but do have a healthcare background, bucky is an unreliable narrator with specific opinions on and understandings of his issues, and i hope u enjoy. also, apparently without a shred of context i decided to really commit to the blade references? idk, it's almost halloween. <3

The difference between wisdom and paranoia, Bucky’s always said, is knowing when to leave the house.

Well — he hasn’t always said it. But in the past seven years or so, it’s definitely come up.

He’s not a recluse, is the point that he makes to Sarah, three days before the Trader Joe's Incident. It’s just you can never be too careful these days. By you he means she and the boys because if he is paranoid about anything it’s dragging his horrors into their already complicated life.

Sarah says for the tenth time (it is really the second time, but it’s been implied plenty), “You’re not dragging anything anywhere. I invited you in, baby.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Bucky mumbles, staring at the innocent salt shaker on the table like he’s trying to commune with it. “People do that with vampires and look where it gets them.”

“I thought Sam said that was a myth,” she says, buttering a piece of toast. “On account of the —”

“We agreed to not bring up that guy again.”

She grins sympathetically, and for a moment the surreal hell of their last week disappears. It is just Sarah and her cute cupcake-print pajamas (emblazoned with a cheesy sugar related pun across her breasts) and his own bare feet against the kitchen tile in the hour before bed.

“Because he gave you the heebie jeebies —” she starts, indulgent, and he knows she is smiling like that because they both could not deny he was a handsome bastard and also dressed like someone of of the Matrix, which Bucky has not yet seen, all to say added insult to the injury of Bucky’s seventeen-year-old phobias materializing out of nowhere.

“Sarah,” he says, and Sarah sighs. 

“B. We’ve been over this. I’ll tell you if it gets too much.”

“And, and this isn’t … too much?” This, the twenty-four hours in which she and the world were intimately exposed to Bucky’s tenure as some cross between Frankenstein’s monster and those rats scientists used to experiment on before research ethics boards were a thing. Also, his tenure as a killing machine. But at least that wasn’t in the video. 

Sarah hasn’t seen it. She says so, and he believes her. 

“I still think you need to be careful,” he continues, before she can reply. “People will want — well there’s fallout, anyway, and people talk – they talk, and they know you. You have a business to be thinking of—”

“Here,” Sarah says, “eat this.” She holds the toast out to him. She’s already had to sit down and talk to the boys about it, in detail, because people talk. She canceled a trip to the hair salon because people talk. She compared it to the first week after her husband died even though that was not the same thing at all.

Maybe folks gave pitying looks, but no one had been invited to hear Big Cass screaming in pain.

“You’re not listening to me,” Bucky says.

“I am listening. I’m also noticing that you skipped breakfast.” 

So did she. And he can see the strain under her eyes. Bucky points this out with a mulish edge so she takes a pointed bite of the toast and holds it back out.

Sighing, he takes it. Peach jam drips onto his fingers. The golden yellow colour of its syrup looks orange oozing over the black plating of his knuckles.

“Don’t overthink it,” Sarah says. “My motives are selfish here.”

“What motives,” Bucky asks, confused.

“Making sure you eat, baby. I like a man with meat on his bones.” She brushes the crumbs off her fingers while he looks at her, overcome with a complicated fondness that doesn’t undercut his fear, “It’s been seven days. Give it another ten and there’ll be a new thing. That’s what all the kids are talking about anyway, micro trending.” She pauses, cups his cheek, makes known his cue to squeeze her hand tightly in his own – “Hell if I know.”

And that is, in many ways, a good way of summarizing it.

Resilience is a weird thing. Dr. Naimi talks about it like stretching, like his brain is some strange variation on Kamala Khan’s whacky superpowers. You stretch to make up for how unsafe your situation feels, and some people can stretch a lot more than others. Bucky is, apparently, one of those people – they still haven’t figured out if it’s a him thing or a serum thing, though Dr. N talks about them like they’re all part of one whole – which has pros and cons. Pros: his laundry list of fucked up mental health issues is real, but not institutionalized headcase real (they spend twenty minutes reworking his phrasing on that one). Cons: sometimes, that makes it harder for him to notice that the stupid little rubber band in his head is about to reach its limit. Which is not fun. For anyone involved.

Bucky’s working on it. 

Working on it doesn’t necessarily mean fully figured it out.

On Wednesday Sarah is working late because there’s some issue with the freezer and Bucky looks into their own freezer and realizes that everyone forgot to get groceries this week – it seems he and Sarah are both inclined to skip over basic tasks like breakfast and groceries when they’re overly stressed. So he considers his week, and how relatively muted his anxieties have been, and how generally, it hasn’t been worse than any other weird week. He’s been sleeping poorly and has to force himself to pick up Sam’s daily calls sometimes (Sam calling daily is a new thing, for sure), but he’s okay. He knows everything that happened happened a long time ago. He knows there are people around who love him, and he knows he’s pretty okay at keeping them safe. Staying in the house would be more paranoia than it would be wisdom, and AJ is at Ms. Gloria’s doing his homework, so he and Cass go to Trader Joe’s. 

At first, everything is okay. That is a sentiment that changes pretty quickly.

“Milk,” Cass reads from their list, quoting Bucky’s own notes somewhat theatrically to him as they stalk the yellow-brown toned aisles. “‘Whole, not the stuff that tastes like water’.” 

The routine of it should be soothing, but Bucky is having a hard time not noticing how many people are looking at them. Paranoia, his brain supplies. Sarah said most people would forget the video within another week. Except, oh, that second week hasn’t passed yet, and it feels like everyone’s eyes are physically touching him.

Bucky wheels them over to the dairy aisle and grabs the milk. The dairy aisle is cold, and the milk carton under his right hand fingers is cold. He hates the cold. 

“Ummm … Mom said to get the block cheese cause we’ll get more use out of it …”

“Mom’s right,” Bucky says loudly. Focus. Four more items. Then they’ll be done. There’s an unfamiliar couple standing by the yogurt, pointing and whispering in a way that makes it clear they’ve thought just little enough about him they haven’t considered his superhuman hearing.

He tries to refocus on the squeaky wheel of their cart and drown everything else out. Quite suddenly he remembers that the medical cart in that room squeaked too. He can hear it skittering away because his elbow smashed into it, five minutes before his arm was locked down again, squeezed tightly under metal clamps. He only just stops himself from grabbing at his arm to rip off the clamps, which are momentarily, horrifyingly real in his memory. Also, squeaking sounds an awful lot like whimpering (not really, but the connection’s already made), and he –

“Elbow macaroni,” Cass reads aloud, over-enunciating. He’s standing closer to Bucky now, swinging one foot in and out as he directs them. Bucky locks confused eyes with an old woman examining the frozen pizzas and she shoots him a sympathetic look.

He blinks to look away from her and they’re standing in the juice and drinks aisle. 

Cass is jogging a little to catch up to him and looks confused.

“Macaroni,” he repeats, even slower than before.

Fuck.

“Macaroni,” Bucky says. Hadn’t be been going in that direction? He doesn’t remember turning in here. It feels like the whole goddamn Trader Joe’s is buzzing with people’s chatter. “Okay.”

“I can get it,” Cass says. He runs away before Bucky can say no, the word a panicked thing caught at the back of his throat. He needs to keep Cass safe. What if someone approaches him? What if someone demands – 

No. They’re in Delacroix. People gossip but they won’t hurt a kid. Except other kids, maybe – Cass has a shiner on his cheek from getting into a fight at school. Because of the goddamn video. Kids kept talking about it like it was an action movie or something – would it look like that? To other people? Bucky never watched it but he remembers it, sure. Under his skin. In the cracks of his head. He’d have thought horror movie. Maybe. But then, those are a big craze these days. Kids like the adrenaline. They were big in his day, too, only maybe he was just a chump and didn’t get the same kick outta them as everyone else.

Becky thought vampires were thrilling, for example. 

You didn’t drag anything anywhere, baby, I invited you in.

Fumbling, Bucky grabs the nearest bottle of tomato juice and focuses on reading every word on the label to himself. Then he translates every word on the label into Czech. And then Spanish. Xhosa next. They don’t have a word for zingy and Bucky realizes he is muttering zingy out loud over and over again with a frown on his face and the woman standing in the aisle next to him is shooting him covert, alarmed looks. She’s – Bucky’s brain lags – music teacher? Isn’t she the music teacher at Cass and AJ’s school?

“Got it!” Cass says, skidding back into his line of sight. 

They still don’t have half the items on their list, but Bucky manages to say, “Okay, c’mon,” in his steadiest voice and steers Cass and their cart towards the checkout. In the line, Bucky grips the handle of their cart so tightly it begins creaking and Cass has to touch his elbow to let him know. Violently, out of nowhere, the cart handle is a human trachea. Bucky yanks his hands away and nearly knocks over the little display of sugar free gum.

A few of the small colourful packets scatter to the ground like hacky sacks amidst the gasps of surrounding shoppers; Cass gets to his knees to pick them up.

“Sorry – sorry,” Bucky mutters, barely hearing himself. The buzz is louder than ever and his heart has started pounding. He’s terrified that someone who is not Cass is going to try to touch him and he’s going to freak the fuck out. He needs to get down and fix this. No – he needs to go up to the cash so they can get out of here –

“Next,” says the cashier. It’s Emily, sweet kid, Bucky knows her, she always grins when he comes through the line. Joe Langston hired her ‘cause she had good penmanship and could write up all the colourful chalk signs like no other TJ’s in the county. She smiles at him, rings through the two cheeses. Then the milk. Then the macaroni. She falters, distracted by the people whispering behind him in line. Cass isn’t even trying to hide the way he’s glaring, chin stuck out, so Bucky grabs his elbow and pulls him over and around to his other side. “Hey –!” Cass starts, and vaguely Bucky recognizes them from some church function Sarah helped out at, middle-aged and light skinned and probably the most average people in the world, morally speaking, but they aren’t even trying to hide the way they’re looking at him. 

He needs it to stop. The words please stop nearly crawl out of his mouth and at the last second Bucky bites down on them, because they’re too much like – they’re just like when – his skin crawls, then prickles, then hurts outright, all the way up to the base of his scalp, and then it’s gone. He doesn’t understand it. He went to the tackle shop two days ago and people looked and pitied and shied away and it was nothing like this. Someone even said something inane like mad respect, dude, and Bucky had been able to handle it.

“Twenty-four thirty,” Emily says, turning the card reader towards him. Her uniform shirt is way too big even on her chubby frame and her eyelash extensions curl ludicrously up and down at him over freckled cheeks. The door of the management room on the other side of cash opens and closes and a larger figure walks over to them, framed by the too-colourful background of sunflowers and orchids, encroaching on Bucky’s consciousness. And those chalk signs, with Emily’s loopy script all over them. “You got your discount cards, Mr. Barnes?”

Right – Emily would remember, because Emily helped him set them up, and is going through her little routine like Bucky isn’t having a full-blown psychotic episode for the first time in months in the middle of the Trader Joe’s –

“Discount,” Bucky manages, even though it’s getting harder to breathe. He resists the urge to clamp his hands over his head, like that will somehow make things stop. This is the worst it’s been in ages. Maybe even never, here, in Delacroix. No – Sarah’s shed, one time. That was really early on. He had a meltdown in Sarah’s shed because it was too dark and something caught against his neck and that was somehow much stupider than this, so surely he’s grown, he’ll have to tell his therapist but the idea of calling feels like this impossible hill to climb right now and Sarah’s been doing so well living through this, all of this, like she is okay with it all, but she’s not, of course she is not, he notices how she can’t go through the day without touching him so many times and maybe that’s her own way of working through things and maybe she needs a therapist too and that would be his fault just like Cass’s goose egg is his fault and –

“If we can please afford our fellow shoppers some basic human dignity,” says Joe Langston’s deep, carrying voice, out of nowhere, over the top of Emily’s head. 

Oh. It was him who came out of the management room. Joe rarely snaps but there is a clear edge to his tone just there. The buzz of the check out line vanishes instantly. Joe’s standing, as usual, the tallest person in the room, both arms crossed over his wide torso above the slight curve of his belly. In the periphery of his blurry vision Bucky can sense the way one person’s mouth is opening and closing like a stupefied fish. Joe leans forward and Emily looks relieved.

He says, like he would say anything else,

“You payin’ with card or cash, B?”

“Card,” Cass supplies quietly, his teenaged voice a little raspy, when Bucky doesn’t immediately respond. “Thanks, Mr. Langston.”

“No problem, son. You let your uncle take his time.”

In the quiet, Bucky reaches into his pocket and fumbles with his wallet. His hands are shaking so badly it takes three tries to tug the credit card out.

“Take your time,” Joe says again. He adds, more quietly, “You know what to take off, Em, you don’t need the discount cards.”

“Right – right.”

Bucky puts the little tags for the veteran’s discount onto the cheap plastic laminate anyway. 

In five minutes, they are back in the car. Once both doors are slammed shut around them, blocking out the world, Bucky puts his forehead against the tacky curve of the pickup’s wheel and takes as many long, shaky breaths as he can. His shoulders hurt and the back of his t-shirt feels damp with sweat. Slowly, the cacophony dies down. The truck’s solid beneath him, reminding him only of itself and nothing else. The inside of the car is warm, and that helps bleed some of the tension out of his frame.

Cass, in the passenger’s seat, remains totally silent.  

When his breathing has returned to normal Bucky sits up a little, elbows leaning against the wheel, and rubs a hand over his eyes, then his mouth, then up and into his hair. He can’t help but notice now, after everything, that he had strode into the Trader Joe’s in just a t-shirt covering his arms without even thinking about it.

“Hey,” he says, his voice quiet but not hoarse. Somehow he was expecting it to be torn up and overused. It is instead the same as it often sounds, if maybe a little weak. “Cass. Buddy, I’m sorry, we’re gonna have to wait another couple minutes. I don’t think I’m okay to drive yet.”

Cass nods, his bony shoulders turned in, his knees pulling up so the heels of his sneakers rest against the dash. “It’s okay.” After a minute, he adds wisely, “Mom says Titi Joan once got into an accident ‘cause she was drivin’ over to whoop her ex-boyfriend’s ass, and she was so worked up she drove right into Mrs. Thomas’s pool.”

Bucky huffs out a breath that isn’t quite a laugh; he has indeed heard this story. It’s a family classic, mostly because no one actually got hurt. He doesn’t bother to correct the shameless use of ass, and instead focuses on taking stock of his body. Everything seems to be functioning as normal. He has a mild headache, but his heart rate’s gone down, mostly. He’ll need a shower when they get home. Only after all of this does he say,

“Cass. Are you okay?”

Cass doesn’t answer at first, only tilts his head in a way very reminiscent of his mother. His sweet face has gotten pimply in the last couple months, and the bruise on his cheek swells purple beneath the dark plastic frames of his new glasses. Pretty soon Cass’ll be nearly as tall as Bucky is – maybe even taller. He’s seen old pictures, after all. 

“Yeah,” Cass says finally, shrugging. “You didn’t do anything too weird. Except when you forgot where the macaroni aisle was.” Bucky can’t help but smile a little crookedly even though the muscles in his face feel all wrung out. Cass adds, hesitant, “This was a brain thing, right?”

Bucky looks up at the ceiling of the car. “A little bit.”

“‘Cause sometimes people’s brains can freak out, like, without expecting it, if bad shit’s happened before. That’s what you told us, right?”

This time, Bucky raises two eyebrows instinctively. 

“Bad shit, huh?”

“Bad stuff,” says Cass, rolling his eyes.

Bucky inhales again, his chest filling and expanding with it. The car smells like coconut, like Sarah’s lotion really, and a little bit like fish. It always smells like fish around here. Even when it’s cold, it smells salty, and it was never like that before. His muscles are still a little shaky, but getting better by the minute. “Yeah,” he says aloud, to Cass. “Yeah, exactly. Cass –”

But Cass is already nodding. “Okay. Can I practice how to shift gears again while we’re waiting?”

Bucky unbuckles his seatbelt and motions for him to come around while he elbows the door open. The cheese is gonna get squishy in the back but there’s nothing else to do but wait. The air outside is fresh even as it's muggy, and his boots hit the gravel of the parking lot while Cass scrambles out of his own seat and walks around, making the truck groan a little on its raised wheels. He meets Bucky at around where the headlights are, on their way to switch seats. Unprompted, Cass wraps him in a tight hug, one that is just sudden and clingy enough it suggests comfort is needed more than comfort is being given.

Bucky hugs him back, presses his face down into the textured crown of Cass’s head, and lets him stay there for as long as he needs.

[nerice]

ask meme: even numbers >:3

CATCHING UP ON ASK GAMES on this fine 1:18 am >:3

2, if you gave an in depth description of your story to someone who was not all the way paying attention, what would their takeaway be?

the takeaway is that i'd stop talking the second it seems sb is not paying attention lmao but i guess the cliffnotes is [standing in front of conspiracy board] hot evil girls (unkillable) also moons something is up with them moons

4, what would you say is the message, if there is one.

alright finally deigning this with a serious answer. there is no big msg no grand takeaway, just the mess of the struggle & trying to make it thru when life is cruel and unjust and sometimes there's light at the end of the tunnel and other times the despair wins. sometimes the despair is chosen and it's a self-righteous thing and at the end of the day it's about knowing what's best for yourself and the life you want to live, despite (all the despites) and sometimes it is about the catharsis of giving up when it's all too much ;-;

6, speaking of tv adaptations, why would yours get cancelled? (other than capitalism)

ive seen the twinks people wanna cast for holland shadesofmagic i am not letting irl casting be done so this never gets made because animation is too expensive (shoutout to hair, my ocs have a lot of it) w otherwise for all the same reasons down in #18

8, what inspired your world building, if anything?

moon emphasis is definitely a sailor moon worm + a lot of contamination from waverunners [german pirate series] eldritch ocean mare tenebrosum merged with some old recurring fever dream imagery for the invisible moon. also EXTREMELY early kyoani/key shows (air+kanon) for sponsoring how my visual imagination works & the tragedy/wings/dream thematics <3

10, if your story is titled, why did you choose that title?

ok fun anecdote time again in lieu of going thru all 2389 stories individually so. shadow revenge is the book i started out with and always had that title, and when conceptualizing the other two books for the trilogy i wanted to keep a similar naming scheme (starting with s + double noun) so originally they were

schattenrache (shadow revenge)

seelentraum (soul delusion, to grade 8 me, but lit. 'soul dream')

sanduhrmelodie (sandglass melody)

the last one is esp fun bc i was just groping in the dark for a title to fit the scheme & only from there worked out it was abt linn's melody nd all that biz lmao but u can see the influence that later made soul plot big before i switched to 'dream game' for the middle one bc i always LOATHED 'soul delusion' as a title f. (the german one fucks quite well tbh) so much of my finickiness is needing to make things work in 2 languages OTL

12, okay be honest. pick a favorite oc from this ocverse.

there is no competition like, at all. 🐇

14, whats your favorite part of this story/project?

interconnected story hell !!!!!!! i don't think i'll ever write anything else i'll never have a story that does not plug into the larger verse somehow (valiant attempts by my short story profs but vertebrae inventory / touching fire / let sleeping gods die all got folded back into side content ww) nothing gets my brain going like the layers upon layers of history and thrulines and transposing it into different settings or formats. i will never get tired of it. i was put on this earth to do exactly this and i hope i will get to do it for a long time still <(/)3

16, imagine the entire story takes place but in the meantime the characters all also have tumblr. what kind of (terrible) tumblr posts would happen?

answered! but as a bonus i am entirely sure that eliada would get the most mileage out of that setup until he gets doxxed by alissa. send tweet

18, what aspect of the story would get you #canceled on twitter?

glorifying self harm and suicide, teenagers fucking raw onscreen, every #linneacore moment. also cancelling myself over the existence of amasa i deserve it what the fuck

20, your ocverse just got a movie trilogy a la hunger games style. how have they horribly mangled your message/theme so that the movies are now a showcase of what the original was condemning?

OH FOR SURE none of the ugly parts or disk horse worthy content (see above) stay intact, sj is a romance now, gr*y actually dies and probably feels a little bad about what he has done, every suicide gets some noble circumstances attached to it esp faye who gets shafted into the typical time traveling savior role instead of coldhearted pragmatism for her own end. i am mad just thinking abt it thanks <3

22, you have been given unlimited funds to make two adaptations of some sort, however you cannot make any other adaptations of any other sort. which two formats do you choose?

(i am not handing any point of production over to anyone else but i am using the unlimited funds to devote myself to realizing these full-time) comics and animation! i am not interested in anything else

24, best scene you've written?

my writing is no doubt at its best when i'm writing soulless torture / rabbit hell but that is. premium tier locked patreon content; as far as fav scenes go my top three are probably

qs life pledges [THEY WIN !]

the original black swan masked ball piece. changed the course of history & my entire writing career

jumie/sky conversation after [redacted]s death. we cannot elaborate it's too much for my heart, agh!

[lies down both metaphorically and irl] goodnight thanks for playing!!

[soronya]

K, N, T, and U for the ask game. feel free ot just answer a couple, or all of them :)

Thank you so much, Fisher, for the asks ♥ K - What character has your favourite development arc/the best development arc? Woah that's a tough question. I might go with Holger here, since I disliked him first but he's growing on me since I started writing fics about him :D Same goes for Shapo, he really wasn't my favourite at the beginning (first noticed him at AO22 in the match against Rafa where he didn't collect many sympathy points) but with the things he's recently saying/posting (for example equal pay) he's definitely growing on me. Not really a development arc per se, but that is what comes to my mind. N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice). First: People being more chill about everything and not cancelling athletes over minor disagreements. Yeah, I know it's an RPF fandom where you need to be more critical in general but, man, chill guys. It's just a fandom and definitely not the responsibility of writers or fangirls/boys to get things right that go wrong in real life. These are not issues that can be solved by tumblr rants or cancelling fangirls/boys who ship xyz. Sure, it's good to be aware of all the shit that's going on, but please, let the fandom be a fandom more often. Second: There are never enough Fedal fics. Third: Or RuRu fics. T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?  Rafa has had a crush on Roger since the first day he saw him and with time, it evolved into something deeper. U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites. Okay, so my non-Tennis fandom faves are: Lewis Nixon, Band of Brothers - He's my favourite because of how much he loves Winters, his humour and how relatable it is that he's not exactly an early riser. Tony Stark, MCU - he's misunderstood, his sarcasm is gold and all the things he's been through really make me have pity on him. I just wanna hug him. Johnny Marcone, The Dresden Files - The mob boss you can't hate. He's just such an interesting character, you never know what he's up to, and he's sexy af. Also, Loki (MCU), Ezio (Assassin's Creed), Diego Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) and Geoffrey McCullum (Vampyr) deserve to be mentioned. Ask me about my current fandom :)

[appreciatingtokrev]

elys 🥲🥲🥲🥲 im 🥲🥲🥲🥲 going 🥲🥲🥲🥲 back 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to 🥲🥲🥲🥲 school 🥲🥲🥲🥲 today 🥲🥲🥲🥲

IM NOT READY FOR THIS there was so many people i was "talking" to and one of those people is my ex's current partner (polyamorous things 💪) so idk man i wanna be a homewreaker BUT like ykkkk im niceeeee

anyways its summer here so i made ice tea for me and my friends :PPPPP i'll be sure to update u on my day when i get back.

so anyways how are you doing dear??????

hi taku you poor thing 😭😭😭 I UNDERSTAND I AM NEVER READY FOR SCHOOL EITHER I HATE IT. okay but i wish you good luck with being whoever you choose to be today and the people and everything adgjgsghf

:00 i love ice tea!! i treated myself to some cold ass peach flavored soda today even tho it’s freezing here bc winter (i mean. around 0°C so not that cold but yk. in my hometown it hardly ever gets colder than -5°C during daytime, the coldest it was here during my whole life was -14°C lol) but it tasted good so 👍 i will go to sleep soon bc it’s 10pm sadly but yes yes do that!! i’ll probs only be able to reply tmrw morning but yk

good!! exams are over, i did great on them, this week we have two afternoons and one morning less of school bc the teachers are discussing grades blah blah and so they have to cancel class. love it fr. also guess who’s aquired a new hyperfixation? me! (dw tokrev still stays my one big hyperfixation lmao) i am now going insane about yet another german crime show 👍 bad news is there’s only one episode released each year and the 2023 one was released on january 29. so yeah i will most probably die from the lack of content but at least i have about 1k fics to read about it, and many more similar german crime shows to watch hehe

[cishetamine]

lily rose depp

they were calling her a nepo baby

ticketmaster investigation

i waited in that queue for 7 fucking hours

i waited 7 hours

and my dad waited 7 hours

the cheapest tickets were like $200

and taylor swift’s apology was so fucking bullshit

i do feel like it wasn’t totally in her control

harry stiles and ed sheeran

they

he’s the #1 most listened person on spotify!

i was so pissed off on tuesday

i saw how long the queue was when i tried to join

he paid like $500 for VIP

the fees are bad!

yeah they add up!

i’ve been scouting out tickets

it was row 2 of the 3rd tier

it should’ve been 80, it bumped up to 120 in fees

so i decided i was

there’s an app they were promoting on tiktok

you pay like a monthly membership and u get like a shitload of discounts

i hope ticketmaster gets like taken down

this is the community college i’m gonna go to!

i’d be terrified to—

did you sign up for classes next semester?

hopefully i can transfer to UIC

wait what

are you..a sophomore with your credits?

seems like their studies were interrupted

college algebra i should be okay with but biology is just not my thing

i’m gonna take speech next semester, which is required for PR

it’s so fun watching her interact with the snow

baby’s first snow

public speaking

it’s a requirement for my major

my brother took it for

business degree

i hate listening to my voice on camera

you have to talk abt stupid things

he did his on why videogames are like bad for kids

which they don’t talk abt in college as much these days. bc they’re like too talked about

the last 2 months of my philosophy class last year we just did political debates like every single day

ppl are afraid teachers won’t grade them fairly bc there’s lots of opinion and bias

canadian college

abortion and euthanasia were all not allowed

ooh there’s the dugout

is that a bar?

is that the rooftop right there?

it’s actually really cute.

ohh! he’s going on a cruise i think! with like regina’s family over thanksgiving.

he straight up told me that [pronoun indecipherable] doesn’t like having sex

like receiving it?

you’re so selfish

what’s wrong with you!

i saw her private story

all she does is post like carter and monty, that’s it.

when she got accepted she said she hasn’t even toured it yet

she skipped it to go to starbucks with us

i’ve never met anyone lazier in my fucking life

community college

you don’t wanna end up like her that’s for sure

my mom said

if you’re gonna drop out and never go back,

i was telling

holding me here against my will

your family needs a reality tv show

it would get so many views

sister

my parents had to flush her pills down the toilet

bc you’re only supposed to be taking them for like 2 weeks

her like SCREAMING in the background. like SCREAMING

she was hooked on oxy

i’m excited for the new season

they canceled it!

They canceled it?!!??

there was rumors about a bunch of major actors leaving the show

sidney sweeney

trump supporter

i love when the internet comes in with opinions

i feel like you can’t really cancel an actor unless they do something

armie hammer! yeah he works at a hotel now

there was like leaked—

just got put on netflix which is like, shit timing

everyone likes the summer in italy

i’ve always liked

2 more stops

i don’t know…i don’t see the appeal

it doesn’t look that great to me but i want to see it

don’t worry darling

i didn’t neeed to see it

walk out of the theater like after watching interstellar

if you’re not gonna make a sequel don’t you dare leave a movie un..

i know the harry stans are going crazy right now.

i look at him more and more like he’s not all that. he looks like a lot of other people

great personality, but

he’s that one person who’s like too into tiktok trends like he’s right behind them

i’ve never been to a harry styles concert but

it also pissed me off how long it took him to reveal what the gender was

there was like a part 2 like what the fuck, just put it in 1 video!

i wish i’d got starbucks before i came here

we’re going to a cafe!

yeah but

very.. adult drinks

do you need your chocolate—

haha yeah, kinda!

i like the sugar cookie—

the gingerbread latte

my sister

you were there for this

my sister was like:

i can’t wait for christmas so i can get a peppermint mocha!

and i was like how many times do i have to tell you: you can get a peppermint mocha year round!

yeah, but it’s different when it’s christmas!

hits different

[transphilza]

cia you are an amazing human being. first of all, an obligatory thank you for sharing such personal things with us, even if it's just for yourself, it reaches people all the same. it really helps me personally to know there's people out there who are grieving so hard, that it's ok to not be "over it" and that in fact, it's probably the state a lot of ppl are in, but just aren't talking about it. so thank you for talking abt it. and don't take that as pressure to keep doing that, just, like that one person said at the beginning of the month: you have been a wonderful hope for everyone in hard times, and it makes me happy and determined to know that even if life is shit rn, ppl are still pushing through because they think its worth it. and it makes me know it's worth it, too.

second off, an obilgatory "i don't wanna make ur feelings about how helpful/unhelpful they are to other ppl" everytime you post ur log, but i suck at social cues so i don't know how else to let u know i hear u. you are heard! you are!!!

third. im not trying to magically make you "feel better" with a hug or whatever, but i want it to be known that im still sending a hug everytime you feel overwhelmed and feel in need of one. yes, every single time. i'm that parasocial. /j (i'm serious about that /j i'm barely on tumblr bro don't cancel me-)

obviously there's no need to reply, i know ur probably feeling overwhelmed or not in the mood. i'm at peace knowing i said what i wanted to be said. that's enough from me, i'll stop being that one annoying anon that sends paragraphs whenever ur post makes me emotional after this ask :/ i promise lol!

hold that plush tight bro. hmu if you want random tips/articles for feeling emotions + processing grief. stay safe

ohhhh nonnie this is so sweet and really i love hearing from you all, it’s not annoying at all to get long messages like this. i feel very very happy knowing sharing my feelings can help people and that’s exactly why i continue to do it <3 it feels sort of strange and isolating during this time period, where you know many people are still hurting but don’t wish to talk about their grief.. having a reminder that other people are still feeling the same way helps so i like to share my thoughts for that purpose

i’m really doing okay, thank you so so much for the kind words ❤️❤️❤️ the world keeps spinning - he wanted us to be happy and prosperous so i’m doing the best i can to live on as he’d want me to, and i hope you are too! much love to you, and there’s no need to worry about sending me things like this, i appreciate it a lot :]