#if you want some message me and i will give you a discount like 20% off idk im bad at math but itll be cheaper than auction house i prommy

[malliya-fr]

i need treasure real bad and selling my excess baldwin mats is the most obvious way to get some... but....... to sell all this.. listing stuff is such a pain......

[hockpock]

Glasses Review - Firmoo

Hello vision impaired friends, I bring you the gospel of Ordering Your Damn Glasses Online

I have previously ordered from EyeBuyDirect (luxotica/lenscrafters'/America's Best in disguise, sorry.) and Zenni Optical ( most well known online provider, A+ would recommend) and have seen lots of ads for free pairs from a competitor, Firmoo. I have too much prescription for the free pair offers to ever work out from ANY provider, but their fun designs put them on my list.

When my current glasses broke, I was dinking around and saw their current promotion is Buy One Get One Free PLUS 20% off lenses and as lenses are the real $$$ I jumped on that like tigger on crack. I am VERY nearsighted with astigmatism and the average pair of glasses from lenscrafters used to cost me $300 minimum.

After much deliberation with a million tabs open and a poll I ignored the results of for Reasons, I ordered a pair of clear frames and a pair of purple steampunk-y wireframes . Two pairs of HIGH PRESCRIPTION glasses for $87 shipped. I could cry, y'all.

Note: I have an up to date prescription and a nifty app that measures Pupillary Distance or 'PD'. you will need both these things accurate to have the best experience buying your glasses online.

I ordered them 9/22, they shipped 9/25, I received them 9/29 with regular shipping. They came well packed - each pair was in a bag made of cleaning cloth material inside a sturdy plastic case and they come in a foil bubble mailer.

Both pairs feel well made, with lots of attention to detail-

however I did not pay attention to detail or pay extra money for the Re-he-heaaallly thin lenses. So the clear ones are slightly too big and I hate the way the nose pieces sit, while the purple ones are a wee bit small across the temple and heavy to boot. I haven't had dents in my nose like this since I was 12.

the website lists their exchange policy as 30 days, the pamphlet that came with the glasses says 60. Either way it was pretty painless to go into my order history and select "exchange". The form I filled out with my reasons for dissatisfaction promised me I would be contacted within 24 hours.

My 'personal Firmoo consultant', 'Karen', emailed me with a code for the full price before discount of both pairs + standard shipping, as well as the usual customer service canned answers about checking the sizing information and did I know I could upgrade the lenses?

Also I could keep the failed pairs 'FOR NOW', here are some places that accept glasses as donations. (mixed messages, Karen, but sweet!)

New friends are April006, round anodized wireframes with a cute dingly gem thing, and Sandy020 , literal tortoiseshell cat eye frames.

This time I used the site's search terms to cut the temple width and earpiece length options down and double checked the weight of the base frames. (14g vs 24g for the round wireframes before my coke-bottle lenses. RIP my nose. )

New order was placed 10/5 and they arrived 10/17 . (last time I checked the tracking estimated arrival had creeped from the 19th up to the 23rd so grain of salt. This may be a tactic to make the order feel like it got here faster or legit delays. In my case there was a federal holiday involved.)

Complete disclosure I'm gonna grab a pair of pliers and take the little dangly off the wireframes. It makes a noise when I move my head and if I don't fold the frames in the right order when I take them off it'll scratch up the lenses. I ain't gonna remember to avoid that, so off it goes.

The Good:

Large selection, Good Quality, Good Communication. Lots of Off the Beaten Path options for internet weirdos. Firmoo p much always has a promotion going.

My wallet is so happy. SO HAPPY. Frames run $20-30ish to start. lenses will vary with your prescription and options.

If y'all want 50% off your first frames and to give me a $10 credit they have a referral program and my code is T4Z8I2. BOGO20 is a better value but it expires 11/01/23.

The Bad:

Not flexible about lens options- you go down one track and pick your options within that. If there was a way to put tinting on a pair of glasses other than blue light blocking I couldn't find it. (in contrast I believe Zenni lets you choose a range of colors and tint depth on any pair, designed as sunnies or not)

You Will Get Emails. Firmoo REALLY wants you to buy more glasses and post about it and tell your friends and HERE THIS CODE IS ONLY GOOD FOR 3 DAYS, GO BUY NEW GLASSES. They are marketing themselves to fashionable young influencers who change styles every month. Unsubscribe with impunity.

like Zenni, this is a company with the majority of it's functionality based overseas. It's cheaper because you're ordering directly from a factory and not paying Luxotica's markups to itself. Customer service is mostly English as Second Language speakers and there may be delays.

Not For Emergencies. I was able to coast on a pair of glasses from a prescription or 2 ago but it's gonna take time for your order to be made and shipped.

Overall I'm very happy with them and will probably order again.

Next time I have spare money I'm aiming at Wherelight because y'all. they are next down on the list of reputable to shady AF but they have the most amazing WTF designs.

[dotster001]

My Drowning Heart

Summary:Azul x gn!reader Azul helps you down from a depressive episode.

CW: This is based on my personal depressive symptoms! If this is concerning or distressing to you, please do not read! We all have different ways of coping and that is okay!

A/N: Azul/Octotrio was most requested when I asked, but I have saved the other suggestions so when I have my next depressive episode wave of inspiration, I'll go there next.

Vil's Version

One week.

That was how long it had been since anyone had seen or heard from you or Grim. After sending Jade to…ahem….interrogate various students, a couple people had spotted Grim in the kitchen or right outside Ramshackle, but aside from that, nothing.

He was definitely starting to sound desperate in his text messages to you. The current chat record read as follows.

Sunday 8:32 am

Good morning. One of our servers has called in sick, would you be willing to fill in? Your services would be fairly compensated.

Sunday 10:29 pm

It is not like you to ignore my job offers? Did you get yourself into some trouble? We can help you out, at a lovely discount.

Tuesday 3:15 pm

Your friends say they haven't seen you in a couple of days. Is everything alright?

Wednesday 9:10 am

I must admit I am beginning to feel some concerns for your absence.

Wednesday 12:15 pm

Is everything alright?

Thursday 3:20 pm

Floyd saw Grim this morning, but he rushed back into your dorm very fast. Is everything okay? If you've been kidnapped, delete this message and send two smiley faces.

Thursday 3:25 pm

That wasn't my best idea. If you're reading this, kidnapper, I can negotiate. I can make you a deal you can't refuse.

Thursday 4:39 pm

My patience is wearing thin. You have 24 hours.

Thursday 5:05 pm

Give me back my Y/N!

Friday 8:00 am

Grim if you have their phone please delete my prior messages. Some specialty tuna will be waiting for you upon your return to class.

After finding out from Idia that he couldn't delete his pathetic messages without your phone, he took a good hard look at himself, and realized all the texts showed his deep concern for you. 

So, swallowing his pride, he decided to investigate at the last known location of Grim. Ramshackle dorm.

He arrived, making a polite knock. Nothing. He knocked again. Nothing. He began pounding on the door with his fist. A wide eyed Grim opened the door.

"Good afternoon, I'm looking for your other half," Azul said, calmly sidestepping around Grim, and beginning to make a beeline towards the stairs.

"What are you doing here? You're not welcome, sketchy octopus…"

"I'm here because I'm concerned about Y/N. It's alright if you don't want me to see them, but are my fears correctly founded?"

Grim froze for a moment, his eyes flickering to the stairs then back to Azul.

"They…they said they were tired and it would pass soon. Don't worry about it."

Azul raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine, I don't believe they're just tired. They don't leave the bed except to take care of me, and even then they don't take care of themselves. So I gotta get em food or they won't eat."

"Have they," he stuttered and adjusted his glasses to hide his pink cheeks, "Have they communicated or messaged anyone?"

"No, they only opened their phone to turn on a video, and they keep watching the same three videos over and over. Ace called three times and Y/N ignored all three."

"Hmph," Azul muttered to himself. He then pulled out a can of deluxe tuna. "There's more of these waiting for you in the VIP room. I'll take care of things from here."

Grim looked doubtful, and Azul sighed.

"Believe it or not, I am not an utterly heartless creature. I have grown concerned for the prefect's well being. Now go get your tuna, and I will have them back to a normal state in no time."

Grim's eyes wandered up the stairs again, and he put his paws on his hips.

"Okay, but if they are broken when I return, the Great Grim won't hesitate to avenge his henchhuman!"

And with that he scampered out of Ramshackle. Azul took a calming breath, then proceeded up the stairs, until he heard a low volume video behind one of the doors. 

"Good afternoon, prefect," he said quietly as he peaked in. He was met with your tired, confused, eyes. 

"Azul?" You croaked out, before looking down at your phone and wincing. "Fuck, I gotta get Grim his dinner."

"I've already taken care of that," he said sitting down on the bed. "Tell me, how are you?"

"Tired."

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

"Hm," he pursed his lips, before nodding to himself. "Tell you what, I will pay to fix the second floor windows, if you get out of bed, and take a shower or a bath."

You groaned, before putting the pillow over your head.

"I'm too tired to shower."

"I'll fix all the windows."

"That's not gonna make me less tired."

He massaged his temples, before sighing heavily.

"I will get the shower ready, pick out a new set of pajamas for you, and brush your hair after. All you have to do, is get in."

"And get clean…"

"You don't have to if you don't want to. Just getting in will help you a lot. If you're not up to getting clean, that's alright, start with an attainable goal."

You groaned before, "Fine. Tell me when the shower is ready."

"As you wish."

He stood up, found the shower and got it running, making sure the temperature would be reasonable for a human. He then whispered a spell, causing the shower to have the calming scent of lavender.

He retrieved you, and walked you to the bathroom, before returning to your room to tidy up while you sat under the water. He'd never been in your room before, but he was certain it wasn't usually this…uniquely decorated. Two bags full of trash later, he changed the sheets, brought you that new set of pajamas, and set to work finding your hair brush. He also procured a large glass of water.

After you were dressed, you reentered your room.

"How was it?" He asked, genuinely hoping you were feeling better. 

"I used some body wash on my torso," you said, not making eye contact.

"That's great! That's a huge start."

You mumbled under your breath, but he cut you off.

"No really, that's great. I know how hard it is to take care of yourself…" he trailed off before more of the forbidden lore came up. 

You gave him a small smile, before looking around the room. 

"Did you clean? It looks great."

"Naturally," he smirked. "Now have a seat, I'll brush your hair out."

You sat down and he handed you the glass of water.

"Drink all of this while I brush your hair," you groaned, but he cut you off, "I mean it, prefect. You need to make sure you stay hydrated."

You sat down with a pout, and slowly began to drink the water as he got to work detangling your rat's nest of hair. He paused for a second.

"Y/N," he asked softly, after noticing you were drifting off. "Is there something you're supposed to be taking?" 

You stiffened, before nodding.

"I can talk to Professor Crewel about getting you something, if that's alright?"

You nodded again, and he resumed brushing your hair.

"It's too quiet," you whispered at some point.

For a moment, he wasn't sure what to do. What could he do or say that would drown out the voices in your head? 

"My love, my love, my fearless love, I will not say goodbye."

He began to sing softly under his breath. He knew his voice was exceptional. He just hoped it was good enough for you.

"Sea may rise, sky may fall, my love will never die."

Your shoulders relaxed, and you set the empty glass to the side. He finished your hair at the same time. He came around to the front of the chair, and knelt before you.

"Have you eaten today?"

"Yeah, Grimmy got me a big lunch. He's a good boy," you said, eyes tearing up a little.

"I'm not strong enough for him. I can't even go to class. How am I supposed to function in the real world?"

Oh shit. You were crying now. After a second of hesitation, he wrapped you tightly in his arms, and allowed you to cry on his shoulder. As the crying began to  lessen he whispered,

"I'm sure a lot of people tell you this, but I swear to you, it really does get easier. And one day," he inhaled sharply, holding back his own painful memories, "One day, this will just be a moment in your past that you look back on when you are thinking about how good your life has become."

"You promise?" You sniffled.

"I'm so certain, that I'll make a contract with you that you get all my money if I'm wrong."

You laughed a little, then sighed.

"I'm tired."

"Are you tired or tired."

"I'm actually tired," you said with a half hearted smile.

"Alright, I made up the bed for you, so you can lay down if you want."

He helped you into the bed, tucked you in, and made to leave when you grabbed his wrist.

"Can…can you stay with me?" You hesitated, before rushing the next part, "you don't have to, I just…"

But he was already removing his jacket and tie before getting in with you. He wrapped his arms around you and snuggled in.

"Like that?"

"Yeah," you said, looking flustered, "like that."

Your eyes fluttered shut, and pretty soon your breathing evened out. He was starting to drift off himself when he noticed your phone sitting on a side table. All his messages to you came rushing back to him. He slowly started to work himself out of the bed. Or he was, until you whimpered and tightened your grip on him in your sleep.

He sighed to himself. He supposed he could indulge in this moment now, and delete the messages tomorrow. Though he couldn't help but hope that when you were better, he could have this opportunity more often….

....

Post Note: The song I referenced in this piece and in the title. It's on my mermaid's playlist so when I was trying to decide what our merman would sing, I thought it was perfect!

[lesbian-octoling]

Alright guys, it's time for what you've all been waiting for... Salmonid adopts! They’ll all be $30 base, but I’m also offering a few different discounts!

Availability, rules, and other information below the cut!

What is an adoptable?

An adopt is a pre-designed character that I create, and you can ‘buy’ to be able be able to use and claim as your own character. Of course, since these are splatoon based I’m not selling the concepts of splatoon, just the idea and design of the character itself.

INFO + RULES:

Once you buy the adopts, they’re yours. You’re welcome to redesign, alter, give away and/or trade as you see fit. The only thing I don’t allow is reselling for a higher price (same or below is fine).

Though these are meant to be splatoon adopts, you’re welcome to use them for any setting that you please! They’re not inherently limited to splatoon; especially the more unique characters.

The placeholder names, personality, and info are just.. placeholder/concepts! You can name them whatever you want, give them any pronouns, personality, lore, whatever! I won’t feel bad lol

Once I receive payment, I’ll send you a full size, transparent, unwatermarked image of your adopt!

I can hold them for up to a week!

If one is on hold, you can still message and ask to be next in line if whatever they’re being held for doesn’t work out.

AVAILABILITY + PRICING:

Base price for each adopt is currently $30 USD, however, you can check out some discounts at the bottom!

“STING” - SOLD A stinger who's bark is as nasty as their bite... but maybe there's something sweet under all that venom?

“LOVER” - SOLD A maws who's growth was stunted... though that doesn't seem to bother them. They're more of a lover than a fighter anyway.

“ORCA” - SOLD A flipper flopper who idolizes not dolphins, but a different type of cetacean.

“BUTTER” - SOLD An albino maws who might be dense as a brick, but they're nothing if not a survivor to last this long.

“BIG MAMA (and little shot)” - SOLD ( Come as a pair, you don't have to pay for two ) A big shot and a small package, seemingly on a journey somewhere... though where they're going, I'm not sure.

“HATTY” - SOLD A small Fish Stick flyer with dreams of making it big on stage, through song and dance! Though... perhaps when they get a little more practice in.

“TRAINEE” - SOLD A smallfry currently in training to become a Fish Stick flyer... which would be fine, if they weren't terrified of heights.

“MECHANIC” - SOLD A rough and tumble Steel Eel mechanic who might not take any shit, but does her job well... as well as her secret passion: making sweets.

“KEY LIME” - SOLD A Steel Eel driver who doesn't know the definition of "serious". Sickeningly sweet, when they're not hunting you for sport with a smile under their mask.

“GRILLED” - SOLD One of the few salmonids who ever lived through being deployed inside of a Griller... and are now trying to find their purpose, after becoming too injured to fight and constantly leaking slime.

“COPPERHEAD” - SOLD A retired Steelhead, they've taken up more of a passion with linguistics than fighting in their older age.

DISCOUNTS + DEALS

Yeah, we know this is what you’re here for!  I’m going to offer several discounts and deals, which are subject to change, and may or may not pop in and out! This is my first time trying some of this.

COMMISSION BUNDLE If you buy a character from me, you can also get a get a commission of that character for 25% off to come with it! This only applies once, and has to be worked out around the time of purchasing the character. You choose the type of commission you’d like! Commission info is here.

PASSION DISCOUNT If you do a piece of fanwork for one of these characters- come up with extensive lore, a piece of art, a piece of writing, etc- and I can tell you actually put some effort and passion into it, then you can get them for 30% off... making them $20! It doesn’t have to be anything fancy and I’m not going to judge you by how ‘good’ your work is- again, it’s only judged by passion for the character. If I can tell you genuinely enjoyed it and had fun and will love the character you get (instead of having them simply sit on a dusty shelf or resold, etc), you get the discount! If you’re worried about the work taking a while but you want to wait until it’s done to buy them, no worries! I can hold a character for up to a week for you.

BONUS LORE If you wanna shell out an extra $5, I can fully flesh out the placeholder lore for you and come up with something much more fleshed out! Names, backstory, personality, all the bells and whistles. I can also work with you to fit it into any preexisting lore or characters you might want them to be worked with! Once again, you’re welcome to change any of this- but I’ll work with ya on it to make sure it’s something you like!

TRADES I’m a bit iffy on art trades or character trades, but I’m not going to say they’re out of the question. You’re welcome to ask!

[sweet-honey-fruit]

!!Commissions!!

Hello! Due to some financial struggle, I will now be doing customized commissions! Whatever you want (within reason) your wish will be granted.

I will write for your oc’s, for you, or for characters you ship! It can be SFW or NSFW.

Fandoms I will write for: Genshin Impact, Honkair Star Rail, Hazbin Hotel, Helluva’s Boss, Zenless Zone Zero, Marvel, My Hero Academia, Spy x Family, Bungo Stray Dogs, Legend of Zelda. More fandoms will be added later. If you have any questions about a specific fandom, dont hesitate to ask! I write for anyone and everyone: man, woman, nonbinary, human, questionably human, immortal, etc.

Examples: Here is a list of works I have done if you want to get an idea of my writing style! (All of these are Genshin/Star Rail, but I will still write for the fandoms above)

Teasing Gone Wrong (NSFW)

Going Feral (NSFW)

Happy Valentines Day (NSFW)

Kissing Your Best Friend (SFW)

Wanted (SFW)

When You’re Hurt (SFW)

What I will need: If you are interested but dont have any ideas, that's okay! I will have both an SFW and NSFW prompt list if you want to choose something from there, or if that will help with ideas. We can brainstorm together for the commission. If you have an idea, please be as detailed/specific as you can so I can give you the best experience. If the commission is for you or an OC, I would need as many details as you’re comfortable providing. Height, hair color/length, eye color, preferred name, gender, preferred pronouns, and personality are just a few examples of what you could provide.

Social media: You can talk to me here on Tumblr for commissions through DMs. If you have other preferrable methods, here are links to my other social media accounts.

- Tiktok: @/sweet.honey.fruit

- Instagram: sweethoneyfruit (Please note that my Instagram is private. If you wish to communicate, send me a message request saying you want a commission)

- Twitter: SweetHoneyFruit

Pricing: Pricing varies depending on your desired word count. (Subject to change)

- 100 words: $5

- 500 words: $10

- 1,000 words: $15

- 2,500 words: $20

- 3,000+ words: Pricing will need to be discussed.

Payment methods: I dont use PayPal, it doesn't like me. But I do use Venmo and CashApp!

- Venmo: sweethoneyfruit

- CashApp: Sweetfruittum

A few rules/notices:

1. I will need payment up front first before the work is presented to you. This is to ensure I am being properly compensated for my work. An alternative motion will be paying half upfront. I will then show you a snippet of the finished project to prove I have done it, and the other half can be paid for in exchange for the entire work.

2. My work will be sent to you in a Google Doc.

3. I am a busy college student. Depending on the word count and demand, it may take anywhere between 2-10 days to get the work completed. If there are any lengthy delays, you will be informed and a discount may be added.

4. While I do write SFW and NSFW, there are some themes I am not comfortable with writing. That is noncon, pedophilia, incest, vore, bodily fluids (cum, blood, and spit are excused), intense gore, necrophilia, beastiality, and age play. These are my hard no’s. Everything else is on the table.

[captainbasch]

OUTFIT DESIGN COMMISSIONS sorry i bounce back and forth on what i offer all the time T o T I am the most unreliable = v =;;; BUT I did mention outfit commissions before so it's not coming from now where! I need some examples for these so if anyone was interested now is the time to take advantage of the discounted price > u > $20 - a small chibi of the outfit and your character in said outfit on a base $50 - a medium chibi of the outfit and your character in said outfit on a base (like the one on the left) $100 - a medium full body of the outfit, front and back views, and your character in said outfit on a base $150 - ^ same as above but with customized input, wips, and consultation How these work: You will give me a character to design an outfit for. It can be completely grab bag style or you can give me some inspo examples, or outfits to mashup, but you will not have any say on the final design - except for some minor color changes. The $150 option gives you consultation with room to tweak and change the design -within reason - at any stage. The design will be yours to do with as you please! You can change colors, details, cutouts, shapes, etc anyway you want. >> I work best with fantasy or historical fantasy like vibes but I am to work with you on any kind of outfit Payment will be via Paypal invoice If you have any questions feel free to ask away Message me here or email me at cptbasch@yahoo.com to order!

[buggybuggs]

Fresh New Commission Sheet!

As I've been drawing more, I've decided to make some updates to what I offer commission wise!

i use PayPal and Ko-Fi for payment :) all prices are in USD!

Click below for more information!

Hey! Glad you clicked!!

The main difference between this comm sheet and my previous one is updating the prices, simplifying my finishing process, and to showcase more of what I can do with my art!!

Got the norm base prices - 20$ headshot, 25$ halfbody, 30$fullbody

Finishing is my term for shading, as I have two shading methods, and a wiggly-line style of art!

Examples below of Style 1 (smooth) 2 (pixel) and 3 (wiggle)

And I do offer discounts for symmetrical works! I didn't write it on my sheet but its usually 5 bucks, whatever makes the number look good.

Now for the 4 featured things -

Yes, I do have an 18 + account, i'm not linking it here but it shouldn't be too hard to search for my 2nd account on this blog

I'm also happy doing taur designs! I can even make them of usual non-taur creatures!

Nonfurry designs are cool too as you can see by my monster girls, here's a human though for good measure (her name is Sam)

And animations!!! I can do smooth Live2d Animations and also frame by frame animations!! Double the price of the usual commission for what it'll cost, so 40 for headshots, 50 for halfbodies, and 60 for full!

And not listed on the sheet.. Ref Sheets!

The base is 50 bucks for the fullbody and your choice of focus shots, and for 5 dollars each you can get a symmetrical outfit doodle added in!

Other than all that, if you see anything I post and want something like that with your characters, feel free to send it over to me!! Whether its a big OC lineup or some specific pose i did before, just let me know!

That's about it though! Here's my TOS below, and feel free to DM me if you have any questions!

I usually give updates for 1-2 sketch phases, a color phase, and then the finished piece. Once I send you one update, I'll wait for your approval before moving onto the next phase. During these updates, any requested changes should coincide with the stage of the artwork (Posing during sketching, color changes during colors, etc.). Please don't have any fear however if you do need to make a last minute change, just keep it reasonable please. I usually add filters onto my art, I'll be more than happy to send unfiltered alternate versions upon request. Feel free to also personally request different filtered looks (Making the piece pastel, adding a static filter, giving the piece a pride flag overlay, etc.) I'm always happy to experiment. When commissioning an animation, please let me know whether you'd like a smoothly made animation using Live2D or a frame-swap animation. Feel free to ask for examples, but just note that these you'll need to pick one or the other Feel free to message me here or on Discord (Mel#4367) for any questions, or if there's something you'd like that isn't listed here [By commissioning me, you agree that your commissioned piece will not be used for AI art, any cryptocurrency related means, or reused/resold for more than you paid.]

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@allvalley100

Prompt: Snake Oil

Pairing: Hawkmetri

Inspired by this shitpost I made forever ago XD You really can have SO much fun with the mlm abbreviation.

This is a 5-parter--500 words total!

***

“Uh…Demetri?”

Demetri pauses frantic texting. His coworker’s leaning on his cubicle wall, frowning.

“I’m on lunch, Gary.”

“I know.” Gary chuckles. “And you’ve spent it glued to your phone instead of devouring your shawarma.”

“Right, uh. Trying to get an old friend out of this MLM…situation.”

“Oh?” Gary’s frown returns.

“We haven’t talked in forever, but…I worry about him. Don’t want him mixed up in that sort of…depraved lifestyle.”

“I see.”

Gary now seems more concerned. Demetri laughs awkwardly, trying to ease the tension. “Pyramid schemes, am I right?”

“Oh, multi-level marketing!” Finally, Gary relaxes. “Thought you were being homophobic.”

*

“He’s always been impressionable. Got brainwashed by this karate cult when we were teenagers, cut me off because I said they were sketchy.”

“He what now?” Gary’s eyes widen.

“Don’t worry about it. Point is, he gets really into questionable stuff, and…he hasn’t listened to me in years.”

A pause.

“Some mean girl from junior high messaged my wife, selling Speed-Gro hair enhancer shampoo,” Gary muses. “Lady sounded pitiful. My wife vowed to free her…even if she did steal her boyfriend in 8th grade.”

Demetri brightens. “Did it work?”

“Probably not a catch-all, but…show me the conversation. We can try.”

*

5:20 p.m. Hawk: Don’t ever speak to me again, or I’ll END you. Go rot in your basement playing nerd bullshit, bitch.

7:47 p.m. Demetri: Fine. Goodbye, Eli. ✔✔ Seen 9:53 p.m., September 24, 2018 ✔✔

-----------------------------------------------

March 17, 2030

7:26 a.m. Hawk: Hey man!! Selling Kickass Karate™️ equipment—gloves, pads, nunchucks…anything!!! INCREDIBLE prices. New discounts, too!

9:41 a.m. Demetri: Hawk! It’s been too long! Why not discuss these awesome deals further over coffee? I’ll pay. You’re giving me your time AND a great opportunity!

9:50 a.m. Hawk: …like a date?

10:02 a.m. Demetri: No, no, strictly business :) Pick you up tomorrow?

*

Eli’s surprisingly pleasant on their da—er, business outing. 0 mentions of Cobra Kai.

Instead, he waxes poetic about working for Kickass Karate™️, and how they’re “totally hiring right now!” He barely notices them parking at Demetri’s apartment because Demetri “forgot his gift card.”

~~~

“The fuck? I’m not getting free coffee?!”

Traces of “Hawk” emerge when Eli finds himself locked in. Demetri accounted for this.

He thrusts a macchiato at Eli as the lights dim. “Ordered them earlier. Hope that’s still your favorite.”

A PowerPoint opener illuminates the TV.

“Demetri’s incredibly badass guide: Besting the dumb pussies scamming you.”

*

“You’ve looked better.” On Wednesday morning, Gary does a double take. “What were you doing with that PTO?!”

Demetri grins meekly, dabbing antiseptic across assorted cuts and bruises. “Eli finally listened about the pyramid scheme thing. He wanted to deal with it immediately.”

“You two…” Gary’s eyes widen. “You fought the guys scamming him? Is that even legal?!”

“Probably not.” Demetri shrugs. “But neither’s most MLM stuff, so…”

“Not true.” Gary smirks. “Not since Obergefell v. Hodges.”

“…fair point.”

“Is that why you have this Eli character openly saved in your phone as ‘Babygirl?’”

Demetri’s cheeks burn. “That’s not important!”

[defilerwyrm]

Kismet

I wanna tell y’all about the wildest shit that’s happened to me all year.

So I’ve got an Elite subscription to a reptile distributor that gives me access to VIP auctions, right (it’s like $7/mo, nbd). These auctions work a lot like eBay: $1 starting bid, no reserve, increments off max bid. So if you place the starting bid with a max of $50, your current bid is $1. Someone else bids max $20, and your bid becomes $21. Someone bids max $60 and they are now outbidding you at $51. If you win an auction, you get free overnight shipping for all animals you purchase at the same time, so like if you win an auction for a lizard you can throw in some feeder crickets and still get free shipping on the whole thing.

This is how I got my garter snakes for half their regular price. People regularly end up with crazy discounts like 50-80% off.

So I get this text message saying there’s a flash auction (1 hour as opposed to 4) for a snow morph Kenyan sand boa. Now I LOVE snow morphs, and I really like sand boas and have been thinking about getting one off & on for months, and I’ve also recently gotten two 20 gallon tanks free from a friend and have a bunch of other spare reptile supplies already.

But a snow morph KSB retails for $170-250, and I’m tight right now until I get paid, so I think, sure, why not, I’ll throw in the most ridiculous lowball bid and let myself get outbid, and that way I can assuage myself that at least I made an effort. So I put in a max bid of I think $37.99 which put my current bid at $1, set my phone down, and wait for the notice that I’ve been outbid.

And I wait.

And I wait.

NO ONE ELSE BID ON THE FUCKING SNAKE.

SO THIS HAPPENED

BUT IT GETS EVEN WILDER

Because after I was done LAUGHING MY ASS OFF, I felt a little bad about winning a $170 for a dollar shipped, so I put some isopods in my cart—but then I could not, for the life of me, check out. The site wouldn’t let me do it on my laptop OR on my phone, so after a few minutes of fiddling with things and trying to make it work, I went ahead and called the distributor.

Guy on the phone was like “I think this is the first time this has happened” and told me not to feel bad, lol. The isopods I wanted had JUST sold out, so he helped me order different ones, we completed the order over the phone, all good.

But then.

A couple hours later, I checked the confirmation email

AND HE DIDN’T EVEN CHARGE ME THE DOLLAR FOR THE SNAKE

I GOT A $170-250 SNAKE ABSOLUTELY FREE LMFAO GODS

So he comes in Tuesday, and I’m naming him Kismet because apparently the universe wanted me to have this snake.

[starryknight-dragonarts]

Open Commissions

I am kinda in a really bad financial situation and need some support Commissions are available, no set limit on availability I would love to be able to do this for a living. I typically do Pokemon, Dragons, Fantasy stuff, Animals, Dinosaurs, Creatures, but I am open to do other things as well. Talk to me and give me details on what you want me to draw, I can probably do it!

I do Traditional style art Sketch is $20 Inked is $25 Full Color is $30 With a Background is +$15

I hope it's shrimple enough. I have paypal for payment method. Send me a message if you are interested :D Almost forgot special offer if you want me to draw you your own poke-pirate-sona to join Captain Kaida's crew then I will give you a discount! All of them Inked and Full Color for only $20! I really like drawing Pokemon Pirates! Give your character a fun theme or gimmick, anybody can be a pirate and a pirate can be whatever you want, have fun with it!

[fainthedcherry]

TAKEN OFF MY TOYHOU.SE!!! LINK TO TOYHOU.SE POST HERE

YOU CAN GET THESE IN A PAIR FOR A SMALL DISCOUNT BTW AND TO GET 2 CHARAS FOR A SMALLER PRICE.

If you buy 2 characters, whose moodboards correspond, it's a special price of 15 bucks, instead of 20.

RULES FIRST TAKEN ALSO FROM MY TOYHOU.SE THAT APPLY NO MATTER WHAT IF YOU GET A DESIGN I MADE SPECIFICALLY MYSELF:

SO LONG I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO, YOU ARE ABLE TO DO AS YOU PLEASE IN TERMS OF REGIFTING/TRADING/SELLING THIS CHARACTER. IN OTHER WORDS: MESSAGE ME FIRST, BEFORE DOING WHATEVER YOU NEED TO IN REGARDS OF OWNERSHIP CHANGE. 

If you will not ask for my permission, I can simply reclaim the character if I want to, without having to let you know as well.

I WILL check on the character I gave away once or twice a year, just to see, if they're being used. If I see nothing, I'll ask what you're up to simply. I do expect a response within the same year I sent a message. If the person is sick or some other thing prevents them, I will obviously respect that and wait. 

^If you DON'T LIKE ME CHECKING ON MY DESIGNS- DO NOT ADOPT MY STUFF. I had a person complain about it, so I added this warning to appease any future Karens. You own the character 100%, do what you want with them, but I still made the original design, that's what I check on simply. I won't tell you to change anything or whatever. Just let me know, what you do w/ the character, if you display nothing on their profiles (a short sentence or basic info is enough, anything to imply, the chara's being used or just "using them privately for roleplay" or something, so I know what you're up to.), it's most likely why I messaged you.

 DO NOT DELETE THE TOYHOU.SE CHARACTER PROFILE, ONCE TRANSFERRED. If you hide it or private it, that's totally cool. I just wanna be told or like informed, if I ask, why the profile is not accessible, if I WILL ask. AGAIN, SEE ABOVE WITH ME JUST CHECKING IF THE CHARACTER'S BEING USED OR NOT.

 DO NOT POST MY ART TO INSTAGRAM. IT FEEDS IT TO AN AI ALGORITHM AND WILL READ THE DATA. I DON'T WANT THAT. I WILL BLACKLIST YOU, IF YOU HAPPEN TO DO THAT.

IF UNCERTAIN ABOUT SOMETHING: JUST SHOOT ME A MESSAGE DAMN IT. I. WILL. NOT. BITE. I will instead APPRECIATE THAT YOU REACHED OUT TO ME REGARDING YOUR CONCERNS!!!!!!!

ORDER OF PREFERENCE ON DEALS:

Animations > Real currency > shipping art > art > customs

1 - OPEN - Lost Identity - [30€ - SORRY REALLY TENTATIVE AND IT BETTER PAY OFF HALF A SINGLE CD IF I MUST PART W/ THEIR DESIGN TBH]

2 - OPEN - Candied Sweetheart - [10€] 

3 - OPEN - Trials And Vices - [10€]

4 - OPEN - Pearls & Foam - [15€ - off-base & patterns took a long arse while sdfklsdg]

5 - OPEN - Urban, Gods & Space - [15€ - off-base] BOUGHT BY MY FRIEND KOBRA_THE_ARTIST!!!!!!

6 - OPEN - 80s Komondor Sym-ippie - [10€]

7 - OPEN - Decayed & Wilted - [10€]

8 - OPEN - Sugared Heartbreaker - [10€]

9 - OPEN - CUTE. V O I D - [10€]

10 - OPEN - I ♥ FISH [15€ - off-base]

11 - OPEN -  Hold on, this isn't a poodle?! + Emo-themed <3[15€ - off-base]

12 - OPEN -  Cozy, Coral, Cutie, Снек [15€ - off-base]

Once purchased - FILE WILL HAVE THE MOODBOARD SEPERATE, COLOUR PALETTE USED WILL BE PROVIDED. WATERMARKS REMOVED. FULL-QUALITY AT DISPLAY IN ITS ORIGINAL SIZE (due to compression, the images have been compressed down to 3 MB. I WILL send you a high quality version via inbox, already cropped as well to the character you bought, let me go through the hassle, if I'm the one, who had to compress these files in the first place.)

OFFER YOUR ART NO MATTER THE SKILL LEVEL - I don't care how "good" you draw, I usually only pay attention to good poses or composition in art, the rest doesn't matter to me really. I am very open to consider ANY offer, just ask me please, really.

Q & A BELOW ABOUT PAYMENT, GOAL OF THIS SHEET, AND WHAT I'LL DO IF YOU WON'T FOLLOW MY RULES STATED IN THE OWNERSHIP TAB, GLOBAL PERMISSIONS:

Q: What and how to pay?

A: You can pay via my Paypal, via my Kofi, you can pay via art. Just upload it straight to the character's toyhou.se in question, you chose to draw / I have chosen for you.

Q: What will you use the money for?

A: To be blatantly honest, I just wanna buy Jojo part 4 & 5 CDs to watch with my friend, unfortunately ONLY pricey Blu-rays exist, so I gotta cough up what is my self-set monthly allowance x3, hence adopts! :( BUT! I put a lot of time, effort and love into them, so that they're worth the money I put down! :)

Q: Can I gift these to a friend? Can I resell? Can I resell for a higher price than bought?

A: CHECK. THE GLOBAL RULES. I WROTE EVERYTHING DOWN THERE IN DETAIL. I ALSO wrote down, that I can reclaim characters, if you won't follow my rules OR take care of them. JUST. DON'T BE LAZY. AND READ. PERIODT. I WRITE IN METICULOUS DETAIL FOR REASON, SO THAT YOU AND I. WON'T GET INTO A DISPUTE.

Q: Can I change the species? Can I change the design?

A: YEAH GO AHEAD. Just keep em a little recognizable pls tho? I'm not asking for much, if I ask of you to just..Yknow if it's a sonic OC, to keep SOME of their animal-looking stuff like i.e turn massive ears into a cat headband or somth. YKNOW JUST DON'T CHANGE IT TO A POINT IT'S UNRECOGNIZABLE. If you're concerned, that you might've overdone it, MESSAGE MEEE. I DON'T BITE. IT'S NOT EMBARRASSING TO REACH OUT TO SOMEONE. It really isn't, and NO, I will NOT ignore you, I'm just busy IRL, hence why it make take a while until I respond :)

Q: Can I repost your drawing/reference of them? 

JUST DON'T CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN MAN. And you BETTER not post it to sites, that support feeding it to AI such as Facebook or Instagram, other than that, GO HAM. JUST MAKE SURE IT STAYS AWAY FROM AI-LEARNING ALGOS PLS.

If you got questions, shoot! I won't bite, I'll appreciate, that you asked me instead!!! Normalize asking questions and not being afraid to communicate casually <3

---

CASUAL DESC GO;

Been a good few years, hasn't it? I'm a bit rusty, so I did my best, to avoid using the same motifs on every adopt. xD

These were made with semi-custom moodboards! I used this moodboard generator, to create my own tileset of images, that inspired me. :> I challenged myself to make unique designs, based off 1 moodboard only! Just as a fun challenge, until I had a cool idea too to it!

This is why I was gone for so long- I spent half a week on these now LMAO, also I was working on these between my driver's exam theorum, surprise surprise, I failed it bc I was too stressed to study even more due to my parents sdfjksdgdsm NEXT TIME I'LL GET IT THO.

[sburbian-sage]

Yeah guy, I read the Thief of Heart post, that's why I was messaging you. I can see how that Thief was being a creep, and between that and all my coplayers thinking I'm deranged, I figured I'd try and get some advice on how to be better.

Real shame then, that your advise is basically "don't feel the way you feel asshole". Not helpful!

The reason I mentioned not respecting my coplayers is because I'm *AWARE* that might be a fucking problem. But I can't help how I feel.

You can tell me I'm not the main character all you want, but how am I supposed to internalize that, when so far, I just keep wining? You say Sburb will punish me for it, but that proves nothing, because the game punishes everybody for everything. I don't actually trust it's sense of moral judgment.

To be fair, most of the time I get messages like the previous one it's from someone who has done 0 introspection whatsoever, and the "go for the throat and call them fundamentally unlikeable" strategy is enough of a psychic shock to get people to fall out of their chair and start thinking. But I will give it a second try.

So when I say "SBURB's usual response to the I JUST CAN'T STOP WINNING attitude is to knock you down a peg", I'm not making a moral statement or that you deserve to stop winning so you eat humble pie to the face. It's a statement of fact, that anytime someone becomes too certain of something, the game pulls the rug out from under them, because it's "dramatically appropriate" and "provides an interesting narrative". A Thief sending a statement like "I don't feel anything when I get one over on an Underling, beating them is the bare minimum" reads identically to a Waste saying "I love being so powerful and outputting so much energy, there is literally no downside to this class". It's also a statement that "Thief wins forever" is a temporary state. Even if Underlings are kinda stupid and it's unsatisfying to outplay them, the game can throw enough of them at you that it still becomes a puzzle. A Thief of Mind can probably render them brainless or rob them of their ability to make optimal decisions, but doing that while 20 Imps try to mob you, an Ogre is throwing boulders, or a Lich is handing out psionic mind-whammys is a bit much. Not to mention the Dersite Agents (who are much more competent and ruthless than your average Carapacian), your Denizen (no more needs be said here), or the many issues the game will just throw at you (BUGS BUGS BUGS). Not to mention, you're not ALWAYS a Thief, right? So I was basically doubting the factual and logistical merits of that claim.

On that note, I don't imagine "I don't respect my coplayers as people and part of my self-actualization revolves around being a jackass to them" is a brainpoison that only kicks in when you become a Thief and it stops happening when you unbecome a Thief, because that would be a bit silly, so I'll dispense with the overtly game-theory frippery and get down to business and engage in Amateur Psychology. My first observation being that you realized you had a shortcoming, messaged me about this vulnerability with the intention of getting help, and when I brushed off any attempt at actually helping in you favor of essentially calling you an emotionally stunted cognitive nonentity, you got rather pissed off. You were probably thinking that hey, that's a really fucking unfair read of your character, right? Sure, you have your faults, but you also have a lot of things going in your favor, and you like to imagine you're an all-around decent person. So the fact that I not only discounted your entire being, but then turned your message (about a shortcoming you have enough humility and self-awareness to acknowledge and want to fix) into a public spectacle, a huge joke at your expense, and a denunciation of your worth as a person, is somewhat bothersome.

I won't continue this format because I think the point has been made, but if I don't have the right to treat you however I want under the reasoning of "I don't respect you because I'm so much better than you (several replays under my belt, huge brain, huger meat, mildly successful pitsblog)", then you should rethink your stance towards your coplayers. That's me attacking the intellectual basis of how you feel, but there's an instinctual/emotional basis here that only you can deconstruct. Namely by socializing with and attempting to take an interest in them. As a baseline, "one-hour meeting once every week, not necessarily in person" is a good strategy for maintaining mental health, camaraderie, and cooperation (in roughly that order), but you can do more. Organize dungeon raids, especially the ones that NEED another player. If you're facing some sort of trouble, you can ask for help, either over a chat client or by doing Soulsian Jolly Cooperation. Active Class =/= doing the entire game by yourself, you just need to fulfill the conditions of your Title within a team dynamic. "You distract him and draw aggro while I sneak around and mess him up" is perfect for Thieves and Rogues. Sidenote, but why do so many people go through MULTIPLE sessions solo, struggling with the difficulty and the loneliness the entire time, when Unbreakable Unions (which literally give you free RP and a unique ability when you do them right) are right there?

But even outside of the game, it's a good idea to Touch Grass and chat, or organize social events sometimes. You don't have to like everybody, and some dudes are spiritually coworkers in the body of a replayer, but there's still value in it. I had a guy who would marathon those old black and white cowboy TV programs, the mildly-to-extremely racist and sexist ones and sometimes Ronald Reagan is in there. It didn't do anything for me, and I was questioning the dude's ability to critically consume media the entire time, but we at least had something we could talk about. Not to mention there was, and I'm not even kidding, one movie with an honest to god Samurai as one of the main characters, decades before the jokes about "samurai and cowboy flicks are the same" meme was a thing. It's called Red Sun, look it up.

The final thing I'll note is that you said that Thieves are about gaining independence, which means stepping on other people's toes. I won't dispute the first part, all Active Classes are some variant of "be really cool and awesome". Thieves take all the rewards and all the power for themselves, Pages are walking combat machines who Doomguy their way through SBURB, Witches are neck-deep in inscrutable mysteries and they literally aren't even allowed to let the other players know how much mystery they're in or what's going on. So being an Active Class is basically the game giving you a license to be "really really cool". But as we all know, the archetype of "cool well-liked guy who's an asshole to everybody else and views coolness or whatever as a zero-sum game where it's not enough for him to win, everyone else has to lose" is oftentimes a bitter and insecure loser who, regardless of whether or not he eventually slips up and loses it all, can never actually enjoy the fruits of his success, because he's too busy making sure nobody else gets to taste his apples. It does not have to be this way. I may be "the smartest motherfucker in the room", but this isn't comparative. If I lose my status as a walking encyclopedia who knows how to put it all into action because somebody else knows a thing or two about the game, or can come up with an ingenious plan, then I never really had it in the first place, I was just the biggest intellectual fish amid a pond of drooling babies. If I can remain a genius even when I roll into a session full of other scholars and prodigies, then your independence and ability to perpetually accumulate can survive integration into a greater whole without having to undercut your contemporaries. Do you understand what I am saying?

[msfbgraves]

Thrifting: a way to help yourself and others when disabled

My mother grew up in a family that was constantly penny pinching and she hated it. My father was so cheap other people made fun of him or complained bitterly (my parents made an interesting couple). My ass is disabled so "just getting a job" was never on the table. Employment has always been an unreliable option - not impossible, but tumultuous. So saving money has always been a keen interest. But doing it right, like. I feel that people use it as an option to shaft someone, even themselves, and I do not hold to that. Also, you cannot thrift yourself out of insufficient funds. You need mo money, you need mo money. But we also know that society loves an excuse to underpay people, deny promotions and fuck you over in a million different ways no matter how hard you work.

Thrifting is work that will always yield results, no matter who you are, and a good skill to have when mf's keep finding excuses to not pay you, or even employ you. It's even better when you're in a position to say, hm, more would be nice, but I'm staying afloat. Again, this is no feckin bootstrap talk. This is getting more bang for your buck.

And especially during Disability Pride this actually makes me proud to be able to do. Without hurting anyone, for one, and actually helping those without the time for it. I can find The Thing for less for them very often.

OK, first things first.

This is not self-denial 101. Fuck off with that. We want more joy maximisers, not fewer.

The Vimes boots theory is 100% correct. But there are plenty of places where $50 boots are sold for $25 or even $20. Yes, in Ankh Mopork too.

Skills are cash money. I should know, I barely have any.

Many people think that thrifty means "cheap" and "no fun". And that's what people do. "Whelp, I have to economise, so I can't have any treats and can only shop at Primark. Bummer! I hate life."

No, you're going to have to put some more time in preparation, and you need to figure out where to look.

It's an activity.

The first thing I would advise people to do is clean their stuff up. Told you this was work. And that may feel terrifying but if you know what you have you find things you thought you needed to buy. That's an immediate savings without pain. C'mon, do you really think you'd get a high from buying oregano? Of course not, and now you don't have to. You've probably slashed off 25% off your grocery bill for the week without going without anything you look forward to buying. King shit.

You probably have a keen sense of what you need to replace and since you're already going to Goodwill, look there. A lot of second hand is higher quality, and even if it's not, it can still be 25 to 80% below dollar store.

All that extra space will come in handy for buying things and storing them until gift giving season arrives, or birthdays and the like.

Gifts are insanely important. Don't skimp on the quality of something you buy for others. Find the place that stunts with that item. Here, time is your friend, too. If you can wait three weeks for it to ship, you can take advantage of a lower price nearly always.

Ask people what you're looking for and spruce the thing up when they offer it to you. Again, here the skills are a lifesaver.

Personalise. Any small thing that actually fits a recipient will be much appreciated. Gift wrap with care, write a kind message. But only do this when you can't find a "normal" gift for a better price. If you can find a steal, still gift wrap with care.

Do treat yourself! But treat it as anything else you want: best quality for the best price. This can also mean adding a top up. For instance: I generally know what the best bang for your buck is when it comes to theatrical shows: the last preview. Saw a show during the last try out, but spent $30 extra on seats. More expensive than just regular seats, vastly better experience. I did find a discount on parking too - who tf likes to pay for parking anyway?

Buy clothing that fits your body shape. That's what makes you look good. Vintage is fine, who cares if you wear something high quality that looks gorgeous?

Learn what stuff is made of. I bought a stick of foot balm that is supposed to prevent blisters. Felt suspiciously like vaseline. Next time I succesfully used vaseline.

Something I never hear but I find very useful: go on and try the hideously expensive option if possible. See what the fuss is about. Incorporate the thing you like most about it in your routine, don't bother with the rest. Other end of the spectrum: do a taste test with store brand. If it's bad, now you know. If it's good, no one will notice.

Loyalty programmes can be your friend, if you don't look at them as the default option. Do sign up, don't get mad if they keep taking away your credit. Every time they give you something for what you would have done anyway is a win.

Shop around for better banking fees. Who the hell wants to pay those anyway.

Try to pay for what you want and only what you want. Review any package deal; they're rarely worth it.

Try something a little bit different, if you have the skill to back it up. Go do things "people like you don't do". Slovenian wine, people.

Be consistently nice, and people will gladly help you with things. Can be a huge savings. Give where and what you can.

Take the bus, geezus. All that nonsense about it being a poor people thing or dangerous when travelling. How do you think locals get home?

Again I am aware this is work and of course, nobody can do all of it all the time. But I know a lot of people who start by slashing the joy, but why would you? Have your latte! Take your trip! Have your avocado and triple organic eggs. Think about where and when you buy things instead, and be a little adventurous.

If you're disabled with limited energy, this is a way you can help out those around you. Maybe you can do it for them. I am proud of all the ways I have saved my friends and family money without compromising on quality at all. I promise you: loyalty discounted organic chicken thighs with store brand cream cheese blanched in leftover white wine sauce with $0.40 worth of pasta are really damn yummy. And those $40 dollars saved on a taxi because I found the right bus on a trip are welcome too.

People mostly don't want to do this work. But if you can, and know how, you can be a great help to those you love.

[serendipitous-mage]

Commissions~

*Hello! I'm currently between jobs and actively looking, but no luck yet. The household is pretty hard up on funds right now and any additional income would be so very very helpful, especially with student loan repayments kicking in this month ;w;

*Regardless of the type of commission, I will gladly work with you throughout it and give updates/the opportunity to make adjustments if you would like! 

Drawn

*The examples below range from about $4-$40 USD, ordered most to least expensive, all are based on complexity and time to complete. Prices are open to negotiate prior commitment, and can be made in multiple payments if needed! (some examples are a bit old)

*Anything that’s a meme or I highly enjoy the concept of doing is up for a potential discount :3

*If you’re interested, feel free to message me here or send me an email at serenmage87@gmail.com (anon asks are also enabled)

*Trigger Warning: One example has light gore/blood

________________________________________________

TRADITIONAL

~approx $35-$40 USD

________________________________________________

~approx $15-20 USD

________________________________________________

~approx $5-10 USD

________________________________________________

DIGITAL

________________________________________________

~approx $20-30 USD

________________________________________________

*approx $15-20 USD

________________________________________________

*approx $4-10 USD

________________________________________________

*NOTES -

*I can do lineless digital, but I’m not as practiced with it

*Traditional commissions will be scanned(or potentially sent in actual mail) for optimal quality. More colours/subjects will cost more

*Digital drawing is all around easier for me, and in general will be cheaper than an ‘identical’ traditional version would be

*As mentioned above, anything that’s a meme or I highly enjoy the concept of doing is up for a potential discount, more fun means its less taxing which means i can drop the price a little &lt;3

*Will Draw:

    -OCs

    -AU characters

    -Animals/fursonas/anthro

    -Mecha

    -NSFW

    -Rough/simple animations and gifs (we can talk..)

*Won’t Draw anything:

    -Explicit underage

    -Discriminatory

    -Taking place in hospitals/based around illness

*You can view more of my drawings at my DA Gallery or, for less polished but more religiously updated posts, here

________________________________________________

Written

*I always read a lot in school, and over the years that turned into writing stories. I have a few fanfics running currently, but any commissions would be given priority

*Thinking $5 per 500 words? May adjust depending on complexity/any needed research/longer pieces

*I’ve found I write best with fantasy genres, but you can absolutely commission something else! Some things you may want to consider:

    -Is it original or fandom based?

    -What point of view do you want? First, second(reader inserts), or third person?

    -Past or present tense?

    -Old timey speech or modern feel?

    -Fluff, feels, something in between?

    -Where are you in the spectrum of “can you relay enough information about what you want that I won’t need to overly interpret/fill in gaps myself” and “do you have an end goal or outline, and want me to make the rest happen” ? In other words, how much of this do you already know you want, and what if anything are you willing to let me interpret as the writer?

*Some excerpts:

First person

    The brambles and lower branches suddenly appeared much denser than when we’d come from the other direction, and I kept as much distance from the two of them as I could. Their incessant arguing was still discernible, but not overly so.

    We took our new torches–which seemed a little brighter than they should have been–and set off continuing our search for tracks, holding the fire as close as we dared to any brush and leaves that were near the forest floor. The quiet pulsing of the place at night was almost unnerving, and much different from our campout the evening before. Unseen critters chirped to a rhythm we outsiders weren’t aware of, falling silent if we at any point passed too close to them.

  The eerie limbo was broken when I suddenly noticed a light coming toward us, followed quickly by Dagger who swooped low and squawked into my ear.

    I batted him away and asked Dex if the light was Sara, but felt I already knew the answer.

    “No,” he confirmed, squinting at it in suspicion.

________________________________________________

    “Clariiisaaaaaa!” Sara shouted again, her voice tumbling across the vague grassy mounds that just barely made the classification of ‘hills’. “Clarissa!“

   “Quiet down,” I finally warned her. “There’s more on the prowl after nightfall.”

    She spun around to glare at me. “You say that like I don’t know. It doesn’t matter we have to find them.”

    “We’re not going to find anyone if we’re dead.” I countered.

    “Well what if they’re dead!?” she shouted.

    I was a little taken aback at the sudden outburst, almost snapping at her in turn but pausing at what looked like a faint shimmer in her eye.

________________________________________________

    It began to rain soon after we entered the wood. Drops fell in a constant, distant thrum on the leaves above, and it wasn’t long before a chill settled in around the trees. Heavy dampness filled the air as the rain increased, making its way below the canopy to turn patches of the ground to a sticky mush. I’d hastened my pace twice already, and the rain still continued to thicken. Mini waterfalls poured down here and there where the foliage had positioned itself just so, and the aftermath was sent streaming between roots and stone along my path. I gave up trying to keep my boots dry and went as quickly as I dared, careful with my step to avoid sprawling in the dirt.

________________________________________________

Reader Insert

   There’s a soft *ping* and your body is suddenly overwhelmingly heavy, but luckily something else is holding your weight. You feel yourself rise a little into the air before being pulled forward, through the screen, through the words, through the space between, through the Barrier…

   Into the Underground.

   You notice you’re staring the ceiling. But not just any ceiling, New Home’s. And there are two faces looking down at you.

   "ARE THEY OKAY??”

   "they’ll be fine. just–“

   "SANS,” he warns.

   "a little down.“

   "NNNNGH!! SANS YO–! HUH?” Papyrus turns to look back at you, as you’re practically dying of laughter on the floor. 

 You’re here! Actually here! They are talking and joking and breathing right in front of you…the skelebros, in the flesh heheh.

   You tilt your head so you can Sans, tears in your eyes as you have a little difficulty breathing. He raises an eyeridge and grins a bit more than usual.

 "it wasn’t that good of a joke…i like ‘em.“ he says lastly to Papyrus.

   The younger brother mumbles something and reaches down to help you to your feet. Though they always seemed small, especially when younger, the monsters are around the same height as you. You wonder aloud how tall the king and queen must be.

________________________________________________

   You freeze at the deep, rumbling voice approaching. Solid footfalls sound closer and closer still, and you find your gaze drawn to the large figure coming down the hall. You’re overwhelmed with the details. The apparent thick softness of fur, curved smooth horns threatening to reach the ceiling, and impossibly violet robe that drifted behind his gait.

   "Oh, Howdy! Boys you should have told us you had, a…guest,” he stops, sudden distress plainly visible in his expression.

   Your blood runs cold as you realize, you must remind him of them. He thinks you’re–

  Chara?“ he falls heavily to his knees, tears streaming around his muzzle. His eyes search you over, filled with guilt, hope, disbelief, so many different emotions almost simultaneously. Papyrus runs up and tries to comfort him. 

   You lower your eyes and faintly shake your head, saying you’re sorry but, you’re not them.

   The haze that you and the skeletons hadn’t noticed before returns to his expression. He squeezes his eyes closed and inhales deeply before looking back at you again. 

   "I, forgive me … what is your name?”

   You find it a little difficult to speak, but manage to give him your name.

   He smiles. “It is very nice to meet you.“ 

________________________________________________

 Third Person

    “Oh, oh dear.” Alphys was staring at the base of the chalkboard with a frown. “Has anyone seen the chalk?” She held up the stub end of one. It had an odd jaggedness on one side. “This is all that’s here…I’m certain there was still have a box left,”

    No one answered, and Frisk certainly didn’t know, so they kept quiet as well. 

    The class crawled by about how one would expect it to. No one seemed particular enthralled by Alphys’ teaching, except for the girl in the front row. The bird Frisk was behind was ‘too smart’ to pay much attention, unless there was a point he wanted to argue. MK had a bit of a short attention span, and Temmie as well, but she seemed to be trying very hard. Probably wanted to get into a good college.

    At some point in the lecture, Frisk stopped taking notes and looked through the pad of paper that had been in their desk. It had haphazard quotes and diagrams, some dated and some not, with some days considerably more organized and thoughtful than others. Frisk turned to the back and flipped the book around, making a new beginning to it. They started penning all their observations. Differences and similarities, people that they’d recognized, and every explanation they could think of that might be true of whatever had happened to them. 

    There wasn’t much in that column. 

  Before long a semi distant bell sounded, and Alphys released everyone for lunch. 

    “Is ours broken?” Frisk wondered aloud.

   "Yo, you don’t remember?“ MK asked. “Susie totally busted the speakers last week! They still haven’t been able to fix it yet.” MK cocked their head. “Yo, Kris, you okay dude?”

    “Fine,” Frisk answered briskly. “I um, I gotta talk to Alphy.”

    MK raised an eyebrow and gave a tiny nod. “Uh, OK, sure…see ya.” They trotted off after the others to what Frisk assumed would be the cafeteria somewhere. 

    Frisk stayed in their seat a moment, wondering if this was really the best idea. Alphys didn’t seem to recognize Frisk as themselves either. And if they told her everything…they carefully closed the notebook and flipped it back the other way, then made their way to Alphys’ desk. 

________________________________________________

        The boy’s dark, messy hair completely shrouded his face from view at his stance. He stood behind one of the chairs, his head slightly bowed, gripping the back of the furniture as though it were his only lifeline to reality. The elder prince closed the gap between them with a few strides and put a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

       “I…“ he trailed off, suddenly realizing he had no idea how he could begin to comfort him. “I am not sure, what to say–”

       “There is nothing to be said.” the boy interrupted, his words strained. He didn’t look up. “If I had not been born, you would all have rest now, to live normally upon the morn. Mother would really smile again. No one wou–”

        “It is not your fault, brother.” The eldest countered firmly. “You know the rules…If not you, then someone else, it has naught to do with you yourself. We all were chanced to be a part of it as equally as any other. This was none of your doing.”

________________________________________________

    A certain heavy, comforting quiet hung in the air. Stillness that was enhanced by the soft hum and crackle of the flames. Sans and Papyrus had both fallen asleep before the fireplace amid the excitement, much like the first day they had arrived. Toriel had woken early, along with her husband, and was now reading in her armchair.

     There was a knock at the door.

    Papyrus sat up quickly, eyesockets half closed. “WH-HUH..?” he looked up at Tori, who’s eyes were crinkled in quiet laughter, and suddenly realized who the knock must be. A tiny gasp escaped him and vaulted off Sans, to mild protest, running down the hall toward the door. He tried stopping but had too much speed and slid past his mark, scrambling to get back to where he’d tried for. Papy gave a little jump and pulled the handle down, staring up in awe. 

    “Ho ho howdy little one!” Santa laughed heartily, fully dressed in his red and white outfit and with an old sturdy sack over one shoulder.

    Papyrus’ eyesockets were practically sparkling. “S-SANTA! SANS!! SANTA HERE!!” he ran forward and grabbed Santa’s large leg, hugging him tight.

   “wow. sure has a presents.” Sans offered, coming around the corner. He gave a stretch popped a few bones. “snow real surprise, though.”

________________________________________________

Thank you for considering and looking over the page this far! Feel free to contact with any questions, and stay determined &lt;3

[octoyanko]

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[aegor-bamfsteel]

I think in the book says something like "all acounts agree that what befell on Lucerys was without premeditation or something" i haven't read F&B, only the wiki pages of the characters and i only came to know this because someone here showed a screenshot. Isn't it better this way? Like Aemond isn't just a crazy man who wants to kill Lucerys without giving him a chance, no, he is a traumatized man who wanted this distorted justice of "an eye for an eye" (literaly yikes).

He seems more human with true greyness in him (not like pedo daemon). Don't get me wrong that was beyond idiotic but he's more 3d this way.

What do you think? They should have change it or not?

What was said was: “The tragedy that befell Lucerys Velaryon at Storm’s End was never planned, on this all of our sources agree. The first battles in the Dance of the Dragons were fought with quills and ravens, with threats and promises, decrees and blandishments….many still hoped that that the question of succession might be resolved peaceably. The Stranger had other plans. For surely it was his dread hand behind the ill chance that brought the two princelings together at Storm’s End.” Basically, Aemond didn’t know that Luke was coming and thus wasn’t lying in wait to kill him.

However, as Luke was leaving, protesting he didn’t want to fight him since he was an envoy, Aemond said, “You came here as a craven and a traitor. I will have your life, Strong.” —TPATQ Borros says he can’t have them fight in his hall because Luke was an envoy, Aemond asks for his permission to leave, Borros says yes because it’s not his business, Aemond follows Luke on Vhagar, “Watchers on the castle walls saw distant blasts of flame, and heard a shriek cut the thunder. Then the two beasts were locked together, lightning crackling around them. Vhagar was five times the size of her foe, the hardened survivor of a hundred battles. If there was a fight, it could not have lasted long.” So Aemond pretty much says he wants to kill Luke, gets leave to pursue him by Borros, there was either a brief fight or Vhagar just snapped Arrax in half. No, the murder wasn’t planned in advance, but Aemond did announce he wanted to do Luke harm and really, what other motive did he have for pursuing him in a storm? Maybe if Borros had sided with Rhaenyrà it’d make some sense (needed to delay the message of aid reaching her) but Luke was going to return empty handed.

Is it better this way? Well, I’m not an HBO writer for a show with a nearly $200 million budget/$20 million per episode, so you’re welcome to discount my opinion. But imagine if Aerys accidentally lit Rickard Stark on fire or Ilyn Payne tripped and accidentally cut Eddard Stark’s head off with Ice or Da3ron II accidentally ordered Daemon Blackfyre’s arrest due to rumors from Lord Shady…we’d all feel this was pretty cheap, right? That a flagrant act of tyranny—mockery of due process—was all just a misunderstanding, thus making the side to which it happened wrong in wanting their revenge (though obviously Dæmon was wrong to murder a 6 year old by proxy, Ned Stark+Robb Stark+Daemon Blackfyre were fighting for their lives). Plus, it sends the wrong message in my opinion. The Blacks and Greens hated each other for years and were going to look for any reason to hurt each other. They didn’t care who might’ve gotten hurt in the crossfire (“civilian casualties don’t count”…oops why are all of our dragons dead and armies deserting us?), certainly not any non-Targaryens. Starting a war based on a misunderstanding is narratively pointless because there’s no broader sense of tragedy, as basically none of these characters bar Alicent a little (“the queen counts the cost to her people”) care about the harm they’re going to wreak on the smallfolk. Not that we’re supposed to care about the smallfolk who already did die in this war thanks to the Rhaescape, according to Sara Hess.