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badbatchenthusiast · 10 months

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how to do well at school

(work smarter not harder)

i’m trying to compile a list of what’s been working for me academically especially with all the fun side effects of being autistic in the education system (and the variable motivation/executive functioning that comes with it). queuing this forever so i remember to apply these, but if they help you feel free to let me know how it goes!!

1.) Print out notes.

To be fair, this only really works if you have access to a reliable printer, but I imagine a sizeable percentage of people do. For me it was definitely worth investing in one. This is enormously helpful for several reasons:

no need to make notes in class - it’s all there, in front of you, like subtitles to the lesson. makes it so much easier to follow the class and if you miss a day because you’re ill/not coping/have zoned out for 30 mins, you’re not missing valuable content you’re going to need to read up on later

annotating pre-printed notes with little details the teacher is saying adds valuable context and information, and allows you to write in analogies/mnemonics/key evidence/links to other parts of the course in a really different style to the main notes so it doesn’t get confusing to read (annotating hand-written notes can get messy)

having a physically printed copy makes it feel more real, and therefore less likely to disappear in your mind, than just electronic notes. handling actual paper is also less tiring than sitting with a laptop/tablet in a lesson and typing (especially for me)

having that day/week’s notes pre-printed over the weekend makes you feel much more organised and is hours less work than doing pre-learning by handwriting notes

if you type up the notes yourself into a table on word with key word/subtitle/question on one side and definition/answer/explanation on the other, you’re transforming the textbook information into new information, which is very valuable revision and will help with keeping it in your mind; it’s like flashcards, but in note form, and helps chunk content into more manageable pieces

i struggle with processing speed. listening to information *and* comprehending it *and* taking notes at the same time is too much, especially when people talk much faster than i can write. having it all pre-written means i can focus on just understanding and consolidating, and by the time we’re set homework i don’t have note-completion and content-learning to do on top of it

it helps with understanding of the course, in terms of what you need to cover in which topics and what’s coming up next

the best thing about this is it allows for a lot of flexibility in terms of how much time/effort you put into it. on days where i have the energy to sit and learn, i’ll make detailed notes on an upcoming topic with bulletpoints from the textbook and added links to our wider reading, or google context to anything i don’t get. on days where it’s not happening, i’ll copy paste from a reliable revision source/scan a page of the book and be done.

2.) Copy out answers before attempting questions yourself.

definitely one of the least motivating things when doing questions is not knowing how to start, or how to get the answer. a quick way to fix that and get more confidence is to copy out/annotate pre-written example answers or solutions from the textbook or mark scheme. this gives you a sort of blueprint to follow, and makes your time less wasteful if you’re often going straight into questions only to get half of them wrong.

youtube videos with example problems are also really great for this. pause the video before the solution starts and try to work through as far as you can, and when you get stuck unpause and finish copying out the working. doing this before starting homework gets you a higher grade on them and means you’re not wasting time getting things wrong, learning it incorrectly, and only finding out when you get it back.

for essay-based subjects, asking for exemplary answers to annotate is also very helpful. note down use of structure, sentence starts used, anything that you find is good about it and helps it meet the criteria. then, try and write a response to a different question in the same or similar style. get that marked, get feedback, try again.

3.) Practice questions are worth more than anything.

don’t waste time making hundreds of versions of your notes or exclusively rereading flashcards/the textbook. this might be helpful for content learning early on, but long-term retention and exam technique only come with practice. it’s annoying, sure, but works like a charm. so:

test yourself regularly - identify gaps in your knowledge and work to patch them, then test yourself again

get a feel for what kind of questions are usually asked in exams and write your own, then answer them - this, with time, will make exams predictable, or at the very least make you better at understanding what questions want from you

if your teacher lets you have extra practice questions marked, use them as an incredibly helpful source of feedback for improvement so there’s not such a steep learning curve with the first few assignments. if they don’t, use assignments intelligently to see what gets you marks and what doesn’t, then use the feedback on that to revise your technique and improve. if you do badly and don’t learn from it, this is a waste.

for the most part, teachers are on your side and want you to learn. if you’re stuck and don’t know how to answer questions/get correct answers, chances are there’s someone you can go to.

4.) Interesting information is your friend.

draw diagrams. make mindmaps. add pictures to your notes. colour code by topic. highlight things. annotate little fun facts. anything to prevent notes from becoming walls of off-grey text that you can’t be bothered to read. this also has the added benefit of being more interesting to do. so if you have a process to learn, make a flow chart with funky shapes. if it’s context you’re adding, make a timeline or spider diagram. type in memorable little comments or jokes that will help you understand things. copy out graphs and models and doodle important people’s faces. this sticks.

and if you’re feeling really outlandish, make some memes! even if they’re really bad. but for information you absolutely need to know and simply have to memorise, a bad rhyme or punchline will make it much easier to keep in your head, especially when it’s associated with something you enjoy and already think about a lot. finding creative ways to transform information helps the learning process tremendously, even if you just end up writing fanfiction of your favourite characters learning it too.

5.) Have a routine.

set out clear and consistent times to do work, where it’s hard to get distracted. any time spend working (if you’re working smart) stacks up, so that 20 minute train ride where you’d otherwise be scrolling? do some reading. organise your notes. do a problem or two.

consistency is key with learning. our brains aren’t made for storing irrelevant information, so keep everything relevant. to be fair, sometimes this does require an interest in learning not everyone has, but if you can engage with your subject critically and start thinking about it in your day-to-day life, getting into the habit of noticing things and going “oh, this key thinker would’ve hated this magazine” or “woah, i know the equation for the motion of this pen i just chucked” i think makes a real difference between doing well and excelling.

using spaces where you won’t be tempted to other things is also useful. if you have responsibilities when you get home, spend an hour at the library. meet your friends after 5, until then you’ve got homework. keep mealtimes, sleep and work schedules consistent and it’ll be harder for you to forget or have other things come in your way. this doesn’t need to be hours and hours, either; an hour a day that you can sit and reread your notes when you have a spare moment, bullet point an answer to an exam question to test yourself, annotate information you missed, do some wider reading, watch a youtube video on a topic you didn’t get — this all stacks up, and quickly. working smart is using the time you have as usefully as possible, and that starts with finding time you’re currently not doing much with.

#anyways #personal #revision #school hacks #work smarter not harder #learning to learn #this is a psa to me #education #how to revise #how to learn #actually autistic #may add to this at some point

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hermit-pride · 1 month

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Day 3. I'm sitting in my truck. Transitioning... Today it's not YouTube or Reddit, but Tumblr. I had a really good shift in the ER and was able to do what I really love. I precepted a new RN that was recently hired to work with us on the night shift (break out the Lionel Richie vocals...). We get some really bright new nurses. Several times I was about to open my mouth to make a suggestion and she out of the blue beat me to it--like she was reading my freaking mind!! But I was able to show her some valuable short cuts that she hadn't been taught yet. And though the night a had few really interesting patients from a learning perspective, the pace was steady and not crazy like often happens.

Since learning that I am schizoid and learning the reasons why I am the way I am and what my limitations are I'm sometimes sad. This is one of those times. Sad, though in a numb and hollow way. Sad that I can't be the guy I am at work 24/7. My wife has even commented on this. Not the exact words but the message I received was, "Why can't you treat me like you treat your patients?".

Sad, that I can't be that (good) guy the other 96 hours that are in the week.

Before my knowledge of schizoid, I actually wondered if I could be two separate personalities living in the same body.

If I was ever to again attempt to sit through therapy it would only be so I could be a real husband to my wife. But, if I'm honest with myself, the price is too high.

I don't actually mind therapy, at least the little that I had. It just didn't work out. The first one diagnosed my ADHD and identified my schizoid personality. She said that she would be happy to help me with my ADHD. (Undertone was "but not your schizoid personality issues"). I asked her what I might do after my wife passes (she's chronically ill). "You'll just get more cats". Maybe true but flippant, in my opinion. So I moved on. The next psychologist was a no show. She later texted me and said that her calendar was messed up or something. No, we are not trying again. The last psychologist said that I was probably not schizoid as most schizoids are likely autistic instead. This, after I had sent him documentation which included the fact that I'm not autistic.

He missed his video session with me. I waited a full hour for him before I terminated the link. He later texted me and said that he thought our session was an hour later. I texted him back, "Rodney Dangerfield". (nothing more)

It's not all bad. I had taken half a dose of Adderall so I could more fully focus on the session. Adderall tends to put little cracks in the wall and my emotions tend to be able to be felt a little bit more normally. I was raging on the inside at the whole absent therapist shit. It was very unpleasant. It makes me want to not pursue trying to get my emotions back.

I hear that there are good therapists out there. I just haven't seen one yet🤍💛.

PS. This is meant to be a "Smart Journal" and somewhat therapeutic in nature. I invite you to add thoughtful comments and criticisms in reply.

#actually szpd #questioning szpd #schizoid #schizoid pd #schizoid personality disorder #szpd #cluster a #hermit-pride #aromantic

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we-are-the-memers-mr · 7 months

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neurodivergent-friendly advice on forming habits for creatives (& anyone, really) - with photos

Habits marked with ⭐ are the most important ones, imo.

A good way to build habits that you don't read in books is to make the habit desirable. You can look up the other methods (Atomic Habits and other similar books are great).

But for this one, if you're anything like my neurodivergent mentally ill butt you need things to be desirable in some way to get you to do them.

So what does desirability mean?

It means that it makes you want to do it, with energy and enthusiasm! Or at least not hate the task and yourself and everyone and everything! Something desirable for a habit may include:

Organized

Goblin tools link - https://goblin.tools

The best way to ensure you can perform a habit is to make it EASY. The best way to make it easy is to be organized. Yes this is difficult but you'll get better over time and it'll pay off with dividends of you being very likely to Do The Thing (tm) if you combine this with a few other things on this list (plus the normal habit formation stuff, but honestly loving what you do will make you way more likely to do it than tying it to another habit!).

⭐Put it somewhere easy to access that you can get to EASILY every day, preferably something you already have a habit of going to, e.g. your desk or your lounge room.

⭐Organize your digital files! Here's an example:

^ art (main folder)

^^ (subfolder, 1 folder deep) anatomy

^^^ (subfolder, 2 folders deep) female anatomy

^^^^ (subfolder, 3 folders deep) female torso...

^^^ (subfolder, 2 folders deep) male anatomy

^^^^ (subfolder, 3 folders deep) male torso...

Etc, etc.

Tl;dr (non technical speak): make a folder within a folder for each aspect of your project/task.

📂Every once in a while (can be weekly, monthly, 6 monthly, etc.) sort out your digital files. If you're no longer using that folder, put it in either a "not currently in use" folder to use again later, or if you're done with it, put it in an archive, on either your computer or (preferably) on a hard drive for safe keeping.

📂I have a "quick access" folder with all the folders I'm currently using in it. This is so all I need to do is find the quick access folder and this way I don't have to sort through a sea of dozens of random folders to find the useful ones. This is also good because there are some windows folders you can't relocate and they sit there taking up space and making it visually more cluttered. Note: Be sure to back up your important folders once every week to 3 months.

📂If you want to go super advanced, there are desktop folder kits on Etsy (and perhaps some free ones? though be careful with downloading random things, you may get a virus). They make the folders look aesthetic.

📂Personally, I use either Obsidian or Notion, depending on what I'm doing (usually Obsidian). I recently installed Askify, which can connect to both. Cool thing about it is that you can add notes from any site on the net including YouTube, it takes screenshots for you, and grabs a timestamp as well as being able to summarise the past 15 seconds of the video for you (though it usually just types what the person said, but this can be helpful). It's $3.50 AUD a month, but Obsidian and Notion are free so you can just use those if you can't afford it.

📂⭐Keep the space you're working in as tidy as you can manage. Try to make a habit of every night taking all dishes and empty drinks into the kitchen before you go to sleep.

📂⭐If you have your own space, don't be afraid to rearrange it! I recently rearranged my entire apartment and using my own cleaning advice - if you haven't used it in the past 6 months, consider chucking it out (if it's not expensive), if it doesn't make you happy, earn you money, and isn't useful regularly in some way, chuck it out - and now I'm 100x more physically comfortable, especially because I have an air conditioner next to me now near where I both work and sleep. If you have trouble visualising, try using a website to do so or draw it on paper until it feels right. Pro tip: you don't have to throw away everything, you can also donate it to an op shop/charity/homeless shelter that accepts donations if it's still usable, or you can sell it if it's high-ish quality and worth something.

📂⭐*If you can't do it today, then put it on your to-do list for tomorrow. Keep transferring unfinished tasks to tomorrow until your list is free from tasks.

📂⭐Generally good advice, especially for neurodivergents (but everyone needs to know!): take a dang break every once in a while! If you find yourself getting frustrated with something, take a break, possibly until tomorrow.

... If you have to do it today, do something to break it up, e.g. a nap or a shower. After this, give it a little while to keep cooling off if you still feel bad, then go back to the task.

... If it's something you have more time to do, stop doing it when it stops being fun/enjoyable. If you don't get fun/enjoyment out of it to begin with, stop when it's no longer interesting. Stop BEFORE you get to the point where you're pushing yourself. That is how you make yourself hate whatever you're doing and get a massive block from doing the task. Trust me, I didn't write a story for over 3 years after writing every single day because I pushed myself to the point it was frustrating to do and forced myself to keep going. Not worth it, wish I hadn't.

Sight

⭐Especially good for creative and visual types, like people who like art, design, front-end web devs, game devs, animators, writers etc.⭐

🎨Aesthetically pleasing - e.g. plugins that can change the aesthetic of programs. A good example is the extremely extensive library of plugins and themes available for Obsidian, all free to install. You can also get aesthetic Notion templates, too, but they often cost money (though you can find free ones on the official Notion template website!).

🎨Some aesthetic program add-ons include: the extensive free plugin/theme library for Obsidian (you can even connect it to back up to GitHub for free, though it's very technical) and aesthetic Notion templates - here's a link to where you can find free ones (there are other categories, too, not just for productivity) - https://www.notion.so/templates/category/personal-productivity?paid=free -------- If you want a link to my Etsy store to buy a nice looking aesthetic Notion template for university students (or a different special one just for design students!) for cheap that has better features than the free ones, go here: https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/PointyBirdDesigns?ref=seller-platform-mcnav§ion_id=47390214

🎨Nice colours that you like.

🎨Nice shapes - e.g. your office has a circular painting that you love the shape of (and it makes you happy to look at it).

🎨Nice visual texture - e.g. you're writing a book - consider doing it in a program that has unlimited pages and has a paper texture in the background with no ads or distractions (and can go full screen).

Smell

👃If you're not sensitive to perfumes, spraying a nice scent whenever you do the habit could make you feel happier. You may even start to associate the task with that nice smell.

👃Make sure the area you're working in smells nice. Bad smells can be major subconscious distractions.

Sound

🙉The object associated with your habit makes a satisfying sound, e.g. for writing you might want a certain type of keyboard, like a mechanical keyboard that makes a satisfying "thunk" with each key press and makes you feel like a professional writer. Some browsers like Opera GX (not sponsored) also allow you to add typing sounds directly to the browser, so if you can't afford a nice keyboard but still want a satisfying sound you might want to try that if you're doing a lot in your browser. Otherwise, iirc, there are also writing programs that might do something similar (you'll have to look for them yourself, I can't remember sorry).

🙉⭐You can use things for background noise while you're doing the task if you either have it down really low or you don't need to hear your recordings for it. E.g. for editing a video you can play very soft instrumental music (I don't recommend anything with words, it'll confuse you when they mix with your audio), or if you're doing something like sorting through paperwork you can put on whatever type of music you like or even a twitch or youtube vod/stream on while you're doing it. It sacrifices a tiny bit of optimal brainpower, but you'll likely be less bored and be able to do the task for longer so it'll likely even out, and if you're concerned, you can often do polishing touches at the end to make sure your work is good.

🙉Headphones can go a long way for focus in busy places. Noise cancelling ones can help a lot if you have the cash.

Tactile

🤗*Generally you want to be physically comfortable when performing your habit. If you can afford it/can save up and it's causing you discomfort, try to replace it. A good place to find quality furniture for cheap is your local tender centre. Sometimes op shops are good options, but they're usually more expensive. I found an amazing ergonomic chair for $100 that was worth about $500 - $600. Good things come along sometimes, just keep looking.

🤗If it's something that requires you to go outside and you can afford it, try investing in a few nice outfits to make yourself feel more confident for days when you're feeling less motivated.

🤗⭐If you're neurodivergent or sensitive to textures, make sure before you buy something that you can run your hand along it many times and not feel awful. Honestly, everyone should do this. We all have preferences.

🤗⭐Don't ignore things that make you feel uncomfortable! Why? Because in my experience it's a bit like in video games - these things stack up like debuffs. What I'm saying is, it may not be a big thing to have bright lights hurting your eyes, but if you have bright lights, an uncomfortable chair, and your environment isn't clean, this can be sensory hell, especially for neurodivergents. Write down the things that make you uncomfortable and fix as many as possible, one by one. Don't end up like your neglected sims who are very talented but are completely and utterly miserable because you don't fix the things that are bothering them and don't fulfil their basic needs!

🤗⭐If it bothers you, fix it as soon as you can. It's easy to let little annoyances pass, but just like when a sim does something they dislike, your tolerance for it will be grated until you feel absolutely awful and/or snap. This goes for things as little as your room being too cold (get a blanket or if you can afford it and have one, put the heater on!) or too hot. Do NOT screw around with things you can fix in under 2-30 minutes. If you can fix it in under 2 minutes, do it right now. If you can fix it in under 10 minutes, write it down and do it today. For the rest, add it to either a weekly, monthly, or some day to-do list. Scheduling it for a certain period of time makes it more likely to get done, though. If you're like me and can't do something when you force yourself to or are told you have to, just schedule it to be done within a certain week or month. No pressure.

Feeling

💜⭐A good rule of thumb is that you've achieved desirability when you feel excited to do the habit. If this excitement ever wears off, try mixing and matching other ways of building desirability or changing something about the habit, e.g. the prompt (see habit building books or summaries for more info). Keep it fresh! Whenever you get bored, change things around.

💜⭐Listen to your emotions. Emotions are the body's way of communicating things with you, whether it be about your environment or about your body or mental state. Sure, some are irrational, but every emotion has a story to tell. Try listening. Don't push your emotions down, learn to process them. If you don't know how, a therapist can help.

Bonus note:

Don't spend beyond your means! If you can't afford it, don't buy it! I am not telling you to go out and spend as much as you can on these things. Mid-range is usually the best bang for your buck, and can often be found for cheap in op shops and tender centres, as I said.

Good luck! If you have any bonus tips feel free to reblog this post or comment and add them!

#habits #self help #neurodivergent #self improvement #personal development #self care #creatives #creative work #writing #art #creativity #habit building #tips #self improvement tips

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corethetrueidiot · 7 months

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Quick intro post that i shouldve made a long time ago:

Hi, sup, its me. I'd like to inform you about your cars extended warra- (Okok, memes aside.)

Im Ash. But just call me Core. A dumb 16 year old on the internet that got given a phone way too early in life. Oh, i also draw and animate. Cool right?

My main-main interest at the current moment is project sekai because miku virus got to me. Its a Horrible virus. So ill be posting abt that from now on since twitter hates me and i got tired of it !!!!! (Sorry pokemon followers. if an app wont accept my existence, im forced to go back to my roots. sorry if ypu follow for pokemon stuff 😭 ill post abt it one day....possibly when plza comes out ^_^)

Other details that are probably important:

- they/them pronouns. only comfortable with friends calling me by he/him

-Im Puerto Rican. Latino. Hispanic. arroz con gandules. What ever you ppl call it (basically i speak spanish and english)

-my bday is in 4/20

-DNI if your a shitty person in general. I'm not a fan of being in problems.

-I use IbisPaintX to draw and Flipaclip to animate. occasionaly Flipnote Studio

-i may be autistic.

Consider supporting me on Ko-fi if you like my art! Link to that here

Go through this tag if you wanna see my art: #the core art tag

Go through this tag if you wanna read my rambling: #core rambles

Thats it basically. Heres some other socials that i dont use as much as Tumblr:

•Youtube (others will be added later)

(subject to changes if i must add anything else)

#master post. not anything important #but uhhh yeah consider following if you like my dumb stuff. mayhaps in other media aswell.

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 1 year

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HOO okay it took me literally this whole day (with breaks of course) and i have managed to translate the spotify playlist into youtube for any other cheapskates who dont do subscriptions AND i sorted them into separate character sections uwu which i had to improvise cause i planned to separate them with like, their respective themes or smthn but then it turned out the only one who has his own theme is moTHERFUCKING JULIAN OF COURSE vjhsdvjadihk so i just. put some asmr in there lmao and i could not find anything for lucio istg

aand now im gonna have to figure out how to link it in here

Brainrot arcana playlist yt edition - YouTube

lets hope that works out cause the first try was a big red nono so idk

i hope i got them all in there, although uhh somehow i managed to actually get uh. exactly ten more than in the og playlist. i do not know how that happened but aight dthdyfh i also took some. um. liberties in ~Fucking About~ but now i feel bad so uhhhh *trigger warning* my little pony if anyone needs it i guess?? idk have fun scrolling through and figuring out wtf im talking about ibksrfkb no ill change it later i swear i just need a break and also look at the horses having horse drama i love it its so well made. i Think i set it so anyone can add videos? i THINK thats what that was idk heres another link it threw at me lol https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRB-rDXBrGnL35_6OatYjl29qU1H6Ft2q&jct=mLtgaxg1YnzUs9SdLcutXBCj61CCAw

well i am out of things to say, i hope anybody wanted this xdd

I ... wow. Wow, @tetsuooooooooooo, this is incredible! Thank you!!!

I'll link this to the pinned post, I -

I don't have words. This is amazing. Thank you!!!

#ask arcana brainrot #arcana brainrot playlist #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #the arcana game

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sadgirllbbadgirl · 10 months

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Process Note (part 1)

This time around researching for me was way more specific and tedious compared to last time during the creation of the podcast script. At that time I used articles that you had linked for us and since I was familiar with them and the concepts they had I used them thinking it would be easier to speak about my idea. This time around I found that I almost had more flexibility because of the fact that I found articles directly pertaining to my specific idea. My idea didn't really change as I mentioned I wanted to stick with the same idea but dive deeper into it. What was helpful about the scholarly articles was that it made it easier for me to understand the breakdown between certain negative emotions and mental illnesses that people experience and the link artists are creating between the two. Unfortunately I did struggle quite a bit with finding scholarly articles and had a tough time trying to not only understand what the difference is between a scha;rly article and a typical magazine or news outlet article. This is due to absences that caused me to miss out on informational class work. Because of that it definitely held me back from completing this project sooner than later. Thankfully I was able to find out and emerge myself to distinguish what a scholarly article is but still unaware of how to find out how to know if it is peer reviewed. When it came to locating visual text I went to a website that I'm familiar with, that being pinterest. I know they hold this angsty and aesthetic collection of images somewhere on the site so it was my job to find them. I had searched into the search engine sadness, sad girls, and glamorization so see what exactly come up. It took some digging for the first two images. I think they do make the theme of glamorization quite well though. As they are alms directly doing that highlighting this emotion of sadness in a literal glamorous way. Upon submitting my draft a new note of the tv series Euphoria was mentioned. It made me want to not only try to find new articles about the media and also how they play into sad girl troupes but also help find additional visual texts. The next time I began looking for images I wanted to see if I could pull any from the television series. I searched for euphoria on Pinterest and came across the next two images which I think also fit well. Since I also know the stories behind the two of their characters and they’re life predicaments it adds onto this idea I speak about which can be more relatable or understandable to the audience in my tumblr post. Attached one of the photos I included a link to a youtube video. That was the exact clip that the image was taken and I think it gives an additional understanding and context to the image. It really shows the distress that the Euphoria character Maddie was facing how even through the front she puts on in the show of this content popular girl she is even in sad situations as we all are. However, like I mentioned, since her character is this popular perfect girl in times of sadness she's still surrounded by this fabulous pink room in sad moments like this. Almost glamorizing this feeling of pretty girl sadness. Now when it came to creating my drawing for this project it was a bit spontaneous. It's not a style that I'm familiar with and it was quite the quiet drawing so I don't think I executed it to the best of my abilities either . But I was trying to show a girl who is visibly sad or upset with these flowing tears drawn coming down from her eyes but also around the page. I wanted it to hold similar ideas as the visual text I picked but it came out a bit confusing to me.

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bagofbonesmp3 · 3 years

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how i (personally) pirate things. this is by no means a great extensive perfect guide, ill just give you the process of how i go about it. and if you’re in a country where they monitor your internet usage, consider getting a good vpn! always helps. also if anyone wants to add their personal resources, PLEASE DO!!! you’re encouraged to do so!!!

not much to do with the pirating itself, but i download most of the stuff i watch/read/listen. sometimes websites get deleted and links go bad, but files are forever! consider getting a usb/external disk for your stuff. it was one of my first investments as an adult. got a 1 TB disk 5 years ago and im not even halfway through filling it. so most of the sites listed here are for downloads. sorry if you prefer streaming stuff.

in the same subject, get VLC media player. it’s a great media player that works with a bunch of file formats AND you can add subtitle/cc files for the stuff you watch. more on that later.

and for the love of fucking god GET MOZILLA. i swear to God, if you only use chrome it will change your browsing experience. it's just a better experience, no tracking, uses less space, has a bunch of useful add ons to help with browsing security. for a search engine i use startpage. it's just Google without blocking pages and tracking. life-changing

to the actual pirating. first step if you want to WATCH stuff:

AND also, keep in mind that if you can’t find something here, i suggest you go to a non-google browser, and simply type out what you want + “watch/download free”. of course you should get an ad block (i recommend ublock) and learn how to recognized fake links, but that’s just practise. most of the time you’ll find a random website that has what you’re looking for.

torrent:

- for movies, i usually turn to yts/yify movies. this is the latinamerican site but im sure it’s available almost everywhere. quite good catalogue, not that complete, but yknow. its good. any time you download a torrent file, make sure the file is .torrent, and that the thing you’re downloading is in the right format (mp4, mp3, mkv, etc. don’t open.exe files from places that aren’t trustworthy lol)

- torrent is IN MY OPINION one of the best ways to download media in general. i use it mostly for movies, tv shows and games. my go to torrent client is deluge because it doesn’t use much space and it’s fairly easy to use. here’s a tutorial, for you to learn how to use it. not difficult at all

- for subtitles /ccs, i go to yts-subs. bunch of subtitles in all languages. or simply check out opensubtitles, my oldest friend

- for tv shows it gets tricky, because i had a website i used before but its gone now :( so i turned to limetorrents. you can find it if you search for it. has a bunch of other stuff but i only use it when i have nowhere to turn to lmao. but upadates quite quickly, so. just make sure the uploader seems constant and trustworthy, which you can check in their profile.

non torrent stuff:

- for pc games: igggames hasn’t failed me yet. they update their links quite often

- for books: z-library (latine link, but just look it up! should show up). and my recent ally, vk. you should all love vk. vk is my fucking best friend. just look up [book name] + vk and it should show up.

- for audiobooks: vk! my good friend. i’d suggest you make an account and then check out this profile. or simply google [book] + audiobook + vk. something will pop up. audio files can only be streamed on the website, but fear not, there is also mobilism, which also has some other content, though i use it mostly for audiobooks. you’ll have to make an account but thats fine. you can download the files in there.

- for anime: i don’t watch a lot of anime tbh, but you can find subtitled anime here

- for premium apps: here’s my trusty spotify premium link. but mobilism has links for android and ios apps as well! i have a friend who uses it and says the links check out, so!

- for music: how old are you? just download stuff from youtube with a youtube to mp3 converted. jeez.

im surely missing a website, so maybe i’ll add something later, but this is pretty much it! thanks for watching.

#yo.txt #totally legal stuff there

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bluejayblueskies · 3 years

Text

an ill-fitting definition

rating: M words: 4.3k relationships: jongeorgie, jontim, jonmartin, background wtgfs additional tags: canon compliant, pre-canon, scottish safehouse period, canon asexual character, fluff, kissing, implied sexual content, rumors and misconceptions

written for weeks two/three of @archivalpride for the prompts identity and doubt!

cw for misconceptions about asexuality, assumptions made about somebody’s sexuality, rumors and outing somebody without their knowledge, non-explicit/implied sexual content, mention of canonical character death, mention of canonical stalking and paranoia, gossip (including of the sexual nature), food, very mild blood, mild internalized acephobia

ao3 link in source

It’s three weeks and two days after they began dating, when Georgie picks up Jon’s hand where it’s clasped in hers and asks with plain curiosity in her voice, so does the ring, y’know, mean anything?, that Georgie hears the word asexual cross Jon’s lips for the first time.

It’s not a word she’s unfamiliar with; she’s run in enough LGBTQ spaces in her time in uni that she has a good idea of the breadth of identities that are out there. She rubs her thumb across Jon’s ring and thinks, in the voice of the gender and equality training instructor with sharp red heels and a “fun” black dress who’d stood in front of the seminar she’d been mandated to take for one of her courses:

Asexuality. A lack of sexual attraction. An aversion or repulsion to sexual activities.

It had been a small word on a large black-and-white slide, crammed in next to aromanticism and overcrowded by a myriad of other sexual identities discussed at length. It had been… quite a comprehensive training, Georgie thinks as she quits fidgeting with Jon’s ring and instead threads their fingers together. For a moment, she considers asking what he means anyway, but she quickly dismisses the thought. She wants to be supportive, and as Jon looks at her with open, trusting eyes and a faint smile, she decides that she knows enough. She doesn’t want to make it awkward, and with things like these, she’s found that asking Jon to explain his feelings in plain terms can be… well, awkward is certainly a word for it. Best just not to bring it up, she decides.

Still, she feels the need to ask, “Can I kiss you?” because the red no sex sign blinking on and off in her head is frustratingly vague on what, exactly, is contained within that stipulation. When Jon voices his assent, she tips her head up and presses a quick kiss to his chin before kissing him on the lips, wiping the disgruntled look off them.

So yes to kissing, she thinks, tucking that away next to no sex. Yes kissing, no sex. Yes holding hands, she adds as she squeezes Jon’s hand in hers and he smiles at her, warm and soft, that special side of Jon that she only sees on occasion. No pet names, she adds a week later when she tries out sweetheart and Jon’s nose wrinkles with displeasure. No foot rubs, when Jon swats at her and says, between giggles, that he’s awfully ticklish. Yes back rubs. Yes cuddling. No PDA. No touching with wet or sticky hands. Yes brushing hair.

That’s as far as she gets before, one year and two months after she begins dating Jonathan Sims, she stops. After which point she stops keeping track, because, well. There’s really no point anymore, is there?

“I’m sorry,” Jon says, burying his head in his hands.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Tim says quickly, holding his hands in the air in a placating gesture. He scoots a few inches away from Jon on the couch for good measure, unsure just how much space Jon needs right now. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize—I should apologize. I should have asked first.”

“It’s just—” Jon makes a frustrated noise, and when he takes his hands away his cheeks are dark and he won’t meet Tim’s eyes. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s okay,” Tim repeats, watching with a twisting feeling in his stomach as Jon apparently notices that the button of his trousers is still undone and quickly goes to redo it. His eyes follow the movements of Jon’s hands automatically, and just as automatically, he notes the distinct lack of a tent in the front of Jon’s trousers. The same�� cannot be said for his own. Particularly after nearly twenty minutes of kissing, which Tim had very much enjoyed.

Christ, had Jon been uncomfortable with that as well? All in a rush, Tim says, “Was the kissing bad too?” Then, he winces—fuck, that sounded accusatory—and adds, “It- it’s okay if it was, I just- I didn’t know, and I don’t want to do something that makes you uncomfortable, Jon.”

“No, the- the kissing was fine, it’s just...” Jon makes an aborted motion with his hands, like he’s trying and failing to find the words.

“... complicated?” Tim supplies.

Jon nods mutely.

“That’s okay,” Tim says, and he finds that he means it. “We don’t have to do anything more than kissing if you don’t want to.”

“I- I don’t…” Jon worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like he’s searching for the right words, the crease in his forehead deepening every moment he fails to find them. Finally, he lets out a long, labored breath, pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers, and says, “Yes, that… that might be best.”

Tim studies Jon’s face. It’s pinched and a bit stiff, like Jon would very much like to crawl out of his skin or melt into a puddle and disappear. “You sure?” he feels compelled to ask, placing a hand carefully on Jon’s knee. “You, uh. You seem a bit unsure.”

Jon sits there a moment more, spine straight and rigid, before melting slightly against Tim’s hand, his face slipping into something more relaxed but no less unhappy. “Yes.” He hesitates a moment, then says, a bit stiltedly, “I’m, um. I’m asexual. Since we’re already talking about this, I… I may as well get that out in the open as well.”

Oh. A few pieces slot into place, and Tim says with perhaps a bit more enthusiasm than necessary, “Oh. Why didn’t you tell—?” He cuts himself off and offers Jon a sheepish smile. “Sorry, sorry. That was rude of me. Thank you for telling me.”

“We’re dating,” Jon says bluntly. “It was going to come up eventually.”

“Still.” Tim shrugs, then reaches for Jon’s hand and holds it tightly in his. “Thanks.” He hesitates only a moment before leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to Jon’s nose. Jon makes a disgruntled noise, which Tim thinks is adorable. Then, because it feels appropriate, he says, “Y’know, Danny… Danny was asexual. Aromantic too, actually. We had a big talk about it a few years ago where he sort of… laid it all out for me.” No sex, no romance, no thank you, had been the overall gist of it. Tim makes a new box for Jon and fills it in with the words no sex, yes romance, it’s complicated.

“Oh,” Jon says quietly, with that same sort of sadness in his eyes that he gets every time Tim mentions Danny, something much gentler than pity and significantly less cloying. If Tim notices the faint discomfort that accompanies it, something that whispers that isn’t my definition of asexuality, we’re not the same, you don’t understand if one were to listen closely enough, he doesn’t let on.

Tim does, however, notice the discomfort in Jon’s eyes—now mixed with anger—when two years, six months, and seven days later, he accuses Tim of murder. But by then, their days of hand-holding and nose-kissing are far, far behind them.

“Maybe he just needs to get laid,” Melanie says with a groan, lying on Georgie’s couch and staring at the ceiling. The Admiral is curled up on her lap, purring contentedly. She scratches absentmindedly under his chin.

“What, Jon?” Georgie appears in Melanie’s field of vision, wielding a damp wooden spoon and frowning.

“No. No.” Melanie shakes her head emphatically. “Martin. He’s been all… sulky lately. I think he’s still upset that Jon came to me instead of him for help, but I don’t know why he has to be all… touchy about it.”

“Ah. Well, you know, he is a bit hung up on Jon. At least, according to you.”

“I don’t see how that’s my problem,” Melanie says grumpily. “Besides, didn’t you say that Jon went on about Martin, like, all the time? Sounds like he’s got it bad as well. Maybe they could just… y’know.”

“Melanie.”

“What?” Melanie tries to shoot Georgie a glare, but it’s obstructed by the back of the couch. “I’m on my last nerve, Georgie!”

“I know, honey. But Jon’s really not… well, he’s not very open about these sorts of things. Getting him to talk about his feelings was like pulling teeth when we were together.”

“It still baffles me that you used to date.”

“He’s very sweet when you get to know him!” There’s a pause, a few clatters from the kitchen. “Besides, even if he and Martin got around to talking, Jon… well, he doesn’t.”

Melanie frowns. “Doesn’t what?”

“Have sex.”

“Really?” Melanie sits up, disturbing the Admiral, who lets out an irritated mrpp before adjusting himself accordingly and curling back up on her lap. “So when you were together…?”

Georgie shakes her head. “Nope. Never.”

“Huh.” Melanie thinks for a moment. “Is he like… religious or something?”

Georgie chuckles. “Jon? No, not at all. He’s asexual.”

“Isn’t that like… that thing that sponges are? Where they self-reproduce?”

“Seriously?”

Melanie scowls at the incredulous look Georgie’s giving her. “What? I’m not being a- a dick, I’ve just never heard of it before.”

“You were a YouTuber. Your job was to be internet famous.”

“Okay, now you’re just making fun of me.”

Georgie shoots Melanie a grin. “Sorry. Basically, it means that Jon doesn’t do sex. Like… at all. He just… doesn’t.”

“Huh,” Melanie says again.

“Yeah.” Georgie turns back to the stove. “Now, come here. Tell me if there’s too much salt?”

“Sorry Admiral,” Melanie whispers as she deposits him onto the floor and crosses the room to wrap her arms around Georgie’s waist from behind and take the bite of sauce on the spoon Georgie holds out for her. “Mm, tastes great. As always.”

And in the back of her mind, Melanie adds another line to the section labeled Jonathan Sims and writes, with careful handwriting, he doesn’t.

Although… according to Georgie, Jon doesn’t.

Martin pauses the tape and rubs his hands over his eyes. His cheeks are burning red, and he takes a few minutes to just breathe.

Doesn’t what? Doesn’t date? Doesn’t kiss? Doesn’t—

Martin stops that train of thought before it goes any further, the flush on his face growing in intensity. It’s none of my business, he tells himself as he ejects the tape and turns it over in his hands a few times before sliding it back into the small box it had come from.

He still can’t help but think about it. He thinks about it before the Unknowing, when Jon hesitates just a moment before wrapping him in a tight hug and whispering, I… I’ll be back, Martin. Then we can talk. He thinks about it when Jon’s in his coma, when Martin sits at his bedside and loses himself in daydreams and what-ifs. He thinks about it when Jon’s hand is clasped in his and he’s leading Martin out of cloying white fog and sea-salt air, his shirt speckled with bits of dark liquid that Martin tries to pretend isn’t blood. He thinks about it on the way to the safehouse, Jon leaning against his side, Martin’s hand clasped firmly in his.

He thinks about it a lot, in the confines of the wooden walls that let in the growing chill of the Scottish countryside.

Jon doesn’t.

He knows what Jon does. Jon makes him breakfast most days, eggs and toast and sometimes waffles, which Martin’s always considered a guilty pleasure but that he’s had more times in the past week and a half than he’s had for the past ten years. Jon puts his head on Martin’s shoulder when they sit on the couch and read, flipping through the dusty novels they’d found tucked in cardboard boxes underneath the bed that Jon had wrinkled his nose at but has been slowly making his way through nevertheless. Jon clings to Martin like his life depends on it when they sleep, and Martin will wake in the morning with one arm slung across his chest, a leg between his, and a sizeable portion of hair tickling at his nose.

And, nine days into their stay, Jon smiles at Martin as he shuffles into the kitchen in the morning, stands on his toes, and presses a soft kiss to Martin’s lips.

“Um,” Martin says eloquently, still half-asleep and trying to process what he’s 98% sure is their first kiss. He’d be 100% sure except for the fact that Jon kissed him like it was nothing, like it was easy, like it was something they do every morning.

The smile slips from Jon’s face, and he looks nervous. “I- I’m sorry, I should have asked first—”

“No, no, it’s- it’s okay,” Martin hastens to say, taking one of Jon’s hands in his and squeezing gently. “Just- just surprised, that’s all. I, um. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to kiss me, given that we haven’t…” He gestures absently, his face heating up. Stop talking, Martin. “Yeah,” he finishes lamely.

“Oh,” Jon says with a frown. “I… apologize for giving you that impression. I- I love you, Martin—I have no problems with kissing you.”

Warmth courses through Martin, as it always does when Jon tells him that he loves him. It all feels so unreal sometimes that he’s here, with Jon, away from it all and living in quiet domesticity. “Oh,” he says, face flushed. “A- all right, then. Great!”

“Great,” Jon echoes.

“Just- just thought maybe you didn’t—”

Martin clamps his mouth shut, face heating up more, this time in embarrassment. Shut up, Martin.

Jon raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t… what?”

“Um.” Martin rubs a hand across the back of his neck. “Kiss?”

Jon looks at Martin blankly. “Oh. Well, I- I do.”

“Right, yeah, I- I put that together. When we, um. You know.”

Jon looks amused. “Kissed?”

“Yep, that,” Martin squeaks out.

They look at each other for a moment before dissolving into giggles. Jon presses another kiss to Martin’s lips and finishes making the waffles and kisses Martin again when he hands Jon his tea, and it’s really quite lovely indeed.

So Martin adds Jon kisses to his mental list of Jon does and finds a sole remainder on the list of Jon doesn’t. And it’s fine with him, he decides, if Jon doesn’t want to have sex. He just wants Jon, in whatever way Jon will have him.

Jon doesn’t do sex, he thinks as he kisses Jon goodnight.

So, three days later, when they’re on the couch and they’ve kissed until Martin is red-faced and breathless and Jon pulls back with a pinched expression on his face, Martin assumes—with hot embarrassment coursing through him—that he’s somehow gone too far and strayed into sex territory and made Jon uncomfortable.

Then, Jon says with cheeks dark and eyes focused resolutely on Martin’s chest, “Martin, would… would you like to move to the bedroom?” and Martin’s thoughts grind to a halt.

“Sorry, what?” is all he can think to say.

Jon’s cheeks grow incrementally darker. “I am asking,” he says slowly, like the words are clunky and unwieldy in his mouth, “if you would like to have sexual intercourse. With me, of course, I- I hope that was implied.”

Martin’s aware that his mouth is quite literally hanging open in shock. He closes it quickly before swallowing and saying, “I… yeah, Jon, I- I’d love that, but I thought you—”

He clamps his mouth shut again, a touch too late. Jon’s forehead creases in confusion and he says, “I what?”

Martin hems and haws for a moment before biting the bullet and saying, all in a rush, “I thought you didn’t like sex.”

Jon’s frown deepens. “What? Why?”

And god, Martin doesn’t want to admit that he’s been thinking about office gossip for nearly a year, but he’s dug his grave—he may as well lie in it. He sighs, worries his hands on his lap, and says, “I… may have listened to a tape where Melanie said that Georgie said that you… didn’t.”

Jon looks at Martin blankly for a moment before his expression flattens into something that’s equal parts irritated and resigned. “Ah. Right. That… that makes sense, I suppose.”

“I’m sorry, Jon,” Martin says emphatically, placing his hand atop Jon’s and squeezing. “I- I didn’t mean to hear it; I was listening to the statements and it was just there.”

“No, it’s… it’s not your fault.” Jon sighs and rubs a hand across his eyes. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

“What?”

Jon makes an aborted, dismissive gesture with his hand. “I’ve… never been good at explaining my own preferences. I never did with Georgie, just… told her I was asexual and left it at that. I suppose she took that to mean that I, er. Didn’t.”

Asexual. Martin has a vague notion of what that means—he’s been in enough online LGBTQ spaces to have encountered the word before, but he’s never really looked into it much himself. If pressed, he thinks he’d also assume it meant that Jon didn’t. Something a bit guilty twists within him at that thought, amplified by his next thought that Georgie shouldn’t have assumed, because, well, that’s a bit hypocritical, isn’t it? Still, he feels the need to voice it; he squeezes Jon’s hand again and says, “It’s not your fault that she just- just made assumptions about what you wanted, Jon.”

“Yes, but it’s my fault that I never corrected her.” Jon makes a face. “Or Tim, now that I think about it. I… I suppose I’m just not very good at talking about these things. Particularly because my own preferences are…” Jon’s pained expression deepens. “Christ, I don’t want to say complicated again, but there really is no other word for it.”

That’s not your fault either, Martin wants to say, but he knows Jon will just contradict him again, and he’ll repeat himself, and then they’ll just be talking in circles, and that won’t help anything. It’s frustrating, but it’s the truth. Still, Martin finds the words waiting on his lips when he opens his mouth, so he shuts it again and thinks for a moment, promising himself later. I’ll tell him later. Finally, he says carefully, “Do you… do you want to talk about it? We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I don’t want to assume.” He lets out a humorless laugh. “Well, I don’t want to keep assuming, I suppose, given that I’ve already assumed quite a lot.” Quieter: “Sorry, again.”

“It’s fi—” Jon cuts off, takes a breath. “Th… thank you, Martin.” He hesitates a moment, then says haltingly, “I- I do want to talk about it, but I don’t—” He makes a frustrated noise. “—I don’t know how.”

“Okay,” Martin says after a moment. “You said it’s complicated, yeah?” When Jon nods mutely, he continues, “Would it help if you described how you feel right now? That’s- that’s less complicated, right?”

Jon’s mouth flattens into a thin line. “I… suppose.”

“All right, then.” Martin makes a go-on gesture, then rests his hand atop Jon’s and applies a gentle pressure.

Jon takes a few deep breaths, squints at nothing, makes a few wordless noises, then says bluntly, “I want to have sex with you.”

Martin tries really, really hard not to blush, but he doesn’t think he quite succeeds given how hot his face feels when he says, “Right, okay.” His voice is a bit higher-pitched than normal; he hopes that Jon doesn’t notice. “And, um. Do you always… want to have sex with me? Or just right now.”

Jon grimaces. “That’s where it gets complicated.” He makes an I-don’t-know gesture with his free hand and says, “No? Yes? I don’t know, Martin. I’m told that not wanting sex all the time is- is normal, that- that you have to be in the mood, but apparently I’m just supposed to know when I’ll be in the mood and when I won’t be, and that- that doesn’t really work for me.”

“Are you—” Martin cringes internally, but forces the words out. “—in the mood right now?”

“Well,” Jon grumbles, “not anymore, but I was. And it’s complicated, because even if I am, I- I don’t always want to be touched, but how do you explain that to someone, how- how do you tell someone that it’s mostly no but sometimes yes and there’s a very good chance that I might change my mind halfway through and decide that it’s no after all?”

“I think,” Martin says patiently, “that you just say that.”

Jon gives Martin a look. “Martin.”

“What? It’s true!” Martin gives Jon as reassuring a smile as he can muster. “It made sense to me, at least.”

“Yes, but that’s not—” Jon makes a frustrated noise. “It’s not whether or not it makes sense, it’s whether or not somebody is willing to put up with a sexual partner who doesn’t know whether or not they’re going to want to have sex on any given day, whether they- they’ll be repulsed or interested or want to give but not receive or the other way around or- or something else that I haven’t thought of but that will likely happen because consistency is, apparently, off the cards for me entirely.”

“Hey, hey,” Martin says gently, placing a hand on Jon’s shoulder and rubbing gentle circles with his thumb. “Jon, look at me.” When Jon looks, albeit reluctantly, Martin continues, “I can’t speak for other people, and I- I can’t tell you how to feel, but I can tell you how I feel, and I… I’m willing. No, more than willing—I love you, Jon, all of you, and if this is how you feel, then I love that about you too. Whatever you’re willing to give me, it… it’ll be enough. You’re enough.”

Jon’s cheeks darken and he looks away. After a long moment, he says in a stiff voice, “Well. Thank you, Martin.” Then, a bit softer: “I… I love you too.” He looks at Martin then and offers him a small, weak smile. “It’s… well, it’s still awkward, but it’s not quite as bad—talking about all of this—as I thought it would be.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. Talk to me about it, that is.”

Jon’s smile turns a bit hesitant. “So you would really be okay if I… if I never asked again? To, er. To have sex.”

“Yes,” Martin says, without hesitation.

“Oh,” Jon says quietly. “And- and if I said that I did? Want to? That… that would be okay too? Even if I’d already said that I didn’t?”

“Yep.”

Jon looks down at his hands where they’re twisted tightly in the hem of his jumper, then back up at Martin. “All right.” He hesitates a moment, then says, “And if… if I said that I wanted to have sex… now?”

Ah. It looks like Martin’s not done blushing quite yet. “Yep, that- that’s fine with me,” he squeaks out, then cringes internally. Fine? Really?

Thankfully, Jon doesn’t seem offended; if anything, he seems amused, his mouth quirking up into a small smirk. “All right, then.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to Martin’s lips, soft and chaste and ever-so-slightly lingering before he pulls away. “I, er. I think I’d like to just kiss for a bit, though.” His smile turns teasing. “Foreplay is very important, after all.”

Martin groans and gives Jon a look, his face likely fully tomato-red by now. “Jon.”

“Need to make sure we’re fully in the mood before beginning proceedings—”

“Yes, yes, you’ve made your point,” Martin says, a giggle slipping out around the words. Then, because he’s nothing if not a little mischievous himself, he leans forward and captures Jon’s lips in a kiss, significantly less chaste and a touch more insistent, pressing until Jon is leaned back against the arm of the couch and Martin is hovering over him. Martin disengages from the kiss so he can marvel at the flushed, wide-eyed expression on Jon’s face. “Like that?” he says innocently.

Jon blinks up at him for a few seconds, like he’s not entirely sure how to process everything in front of him, before he smiles, a warm, happy thing that captures Martin’s heart entirely and steals it away. “I do believe that was adequate, yes. Perhaps you should do it again though, just to make sure.”

So Martin does. I love him, he thinks as he kisses Jon on the couch and kisses him again on the bed, kisses him in the spot between his shoulder blades where he always carries tension and in the dip of his clavicle and on the inside of his thigh. And when he’s curled up next to Jon after, he presses another kiss to the crown of Jon’s head and wraps his arms around him and quietly discards his mental lists of does and doesn’t. He’ll start from scratch, he decides, and after a moment’s thought, he comes up with two more lists, upon which it’s surprisingly easy to add item after item after item.

Jon likes to be kissed. Jon likes eggs and toast, but not jam, and likes his tea black and slightly oversteeped. Jon doesn’t like wool because he finds it itchy. Jon doesn’t like white wine, but he likes red, the kinds that are too dry for Martin’s tastes.

Jon likes Martin, and Martin likes him too. So, so much. And even when things change, when Jon finds a white wine he likes at a restaurant they visit and he takes his tea once with honey and enjoys it and he goes through a period where he doesn’t enjoy open-mouthed kisses and Martin adjusts his lists accordingly, that remains.

#archivalpride #the magnus archives #jongeorgie #jontim #jonmartin #tma #jonathan sims #tim stoker #georgie barker #melanie king #martin blackwood #my fic #my writing

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haltyoubillowychickenwing · 3 years

Text

Kaitlin Bennett and Liberty Hangout

Kaitlin Bennett is considered the internet’s most hated conservative, lets talk about why.

Bennett Is a twenty-five-year-old white cisgender heterosexual female who is a strict catholic. She rose to fame in 2018 when her graduation photo included an AR-10 rifle. This was a means of activism and advocating for her rights to bare arms.

She gets clout and content from infiltrating spaces that are meant for activists who happen to have different beliefs than her. She interviews them and posts said interviews on youtube and on her website. I watch these videos and feel great shame for the amount of politically uneducated people. However, I doubt that they accurately represent the intelligence of the left due to editing.

In this photo, she is dressed as Elizabeth Warren, a woman who ran for president in the 2016 election. Bennett is joined by a black man dressed as a white cowboy. To explain Bennett’s costume, Warren had lied about being native american to get a scholarship for college. They ask, “if my costume is not okay, then what makes what Warren did ok?”

Bennett was using this controversial costume to make a point. I am white so I don’t know wether this would be offensive to native americans though I can say I wouldnt consider this cultural appropriation because it is not Bennett adopting the culture of native americans. This does, however, feed into the stereotypes and generalization of native americans, which is something Warren did not do. Regardless, Bennett’s action is a strong method of raising awareness for the injustice Elizabeth Warren has done for the native american people.

The black man’s name is Joel Patrick and he uses his costume to ask if it’s offensive to white people. His costume includes white powder with light foundation for makeup, and a stereotypical cowboy outfit. Theres a point in the video where Patrick asks a white woman if his costume is offensive. The woman says it would be different if it was a white person doing blackface. When asked why, the woman refers to white privilege and how her ethnicity has not faced the issues other ethnicities have. How I would put it is the depiction isn’t offensive because it doesn’t depict white people in a bad way. At the beginning of the video. Patrick introduces himself as Tom, Woody from Toy Story’s grandfather in non-negative way. This is not a canon character, however, it does draw the line between what I would consider a good reason to portray oneself as a race that is not their own and a bad one. If Patrick was dressed as any cowboy, things would be different. This is because it implies that all cowboys are white or that only white people can be cowboys.

This next picture is what really gets me though.

These are her “Columbus Day” twitter posts. Take a look.

These are screenshots from Bennett’s twitter page about how she celebrates “Columbus Day”. One thanks Christopher Columbus for civilizing the west, and the other shows her wearing some native american inspired makeup. I dont feel comfortable speaking out about the makeup since i’m not a native american but I can certainly mention the horrific depiction of native americans. It nearly compares them to animals that needed to be tamed. It is so unfortunate that she cant see the damage colonizers caused or the civility of native americans.

Next I’d like to talk about her twitter specifically the concept of her having a twitter page and what she uses it for. Through her tweets she has made it clear that she does not believe masks help us, that she does not believe she should get the covid vaccine, that she believes pride is about broadcasting gay sex to children, and that a case in which a white woman was killed by the police should’ve been as big of a deal as the death of George Floyd.

Bennett does not believe trans people exist. She believes only in XY or XX chromosomes. She also fails to recognize the possibility of someone being intersex. She refers to crocheted packers (for ftm trans kids) as something to “shove down that pants of an innocent young girl to make it look like she has a penis bulge” while there have been tweets about this specific size of packer and how it seems to be for infants (it is smaller than a chapstick), i’d like to argue a point of if a child is wearing a diaper, it wouldnt serve its supposed purpose. If I knew I was trans as a kid, I would’ve loved to have one of these as a reminder that even though I look like a girl, I’m a boy and I have a penis. If your child can understand the concept of being transgender, then they can understand if they’re transgender or questioning. It hurts me to see someone so concerned about livelihood of youth be so ignorant of one major cause of suicide all over the world.

She seems to have something against all liberals and somehow still calls them snowflakes. Her ignorance disturbs me. I feel bad for her and her stereotypical 50s household where she doesn’t cook and clean because she wants to, but because she thinks it’ll make for a stable household. Her views on women and how she calls herself a feminist is disappointing too. Maybe Ill add to this post tmr if it gets a lot of notes, but for now, please see my sources and visit these websites.

*the videos wont link properly so just search ‘college students have no morals’ on youtube for the video where Bennett desides that college student have no morals because they support trans people, ‘Elizabeth Warren goes to college’ on youtube for the elizabeth warren video, and ‘what the heck is this liberty’ on youtube for the packer video (all on her youtube channel, liberty hangout)*

Liberty Hangout on Youtube

Joel Patrick on Twitter

Kaitlin Bennett on Twitter (links are broken, ill fix later)

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loadingshare683 · 3 years

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Ramanichandran Novels Ullam Engira Kovilile

Tamil romance novelist, and presently the best selling author in the Tamil language. She has written more than 125 novels, most of which first appeared serialized in magazines like Kumudam and Aval Vikatan and were later brought out in book format by Arunodhayam. Some of her famous novels are available here. pls support to click the link of adds and support to me to continue my services to collect all books in tamil and create one tamil library . and save the all tamil books available in one place. Her stories feature “no caste conflict, no religious conflict, no terminal illnesses, no characters with serious vices. They are “100% soft romance.

ULLAM ENUM KOVILILE.illanthalir.com - Google Drive. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators. Adi Vaazhai Amutham Vilaiyum Anbin Thanmaiyai Arintha Pinne Atharkoru Neramundu Avanum Avalum Anbu Manam Mariyathen Azhagu Mayil Aaadum Aval Enge Piranthirukkindralo Baanumathi Bethamatra Nenjamadi Chandhini Ellam Unakkaga Ellorukkum Aasai Unndu En Uyir Neethanea En Uyire Kannamma Enathu Sinthai Mayanguthadi Enkannin Paarvaiyandro Ennai Yaarendru Enni Enni Enakkagave Nee Enna enna Aasaigalo. Oct 30, 2011 Re: Ramanichandran Novel List. Gaana Mazhai Nee Enaku. Idaiveli Adhigam Illai. Indha Manam Endhan Sontham. Ini Ellame Nee Allavo – 1. Ini Ellame Nee Allavo – 2. Ini Varum Udhayam. Iraivan Kodutha Varam.

Ramanichandran Novels Ullam Engira Kovilile Full

Ramanichandran (Tamil: ரமணிசநதிரன) is a prolific Tamil romance novelist, and presently the best-selling author in the Tamil language.She has written 158 novels, most of which first appeared serialized in magazines like Kumudam and Aval Vikatan and were later brought out in book format by Arunodhayam. Some of her famous novels are ValaiOsai,Mayangugiral oru madhu, Venmayil ethanai nirangal, Adivazh Ramanichandran (Tamil: ரமணிசந்திரன்) is a prolific Tamil romance novelist, and presently the best-selling author in the Tamil language.She has written 158 novels, most of which first appeared serialized in magazines like Kumudam and Aval Vikatan and were later brought out in book format by Arunodhayam.

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bobbystompy · 4 years

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My Top 88 Songs Of 2020

Previously: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Though we couldn’t get as trim as last year’s 75, still very happy to keep this under 100 for the second year in a row. This was a very difficult year in many ways, but music helped make it more bearable.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

Usually a pump up video goes here, but 2020 had a different energy, so Michael, take us in.

88) Katy Perry - “Smile”

Even Katy Perry’s good songs are a swirling spiral of maxed out auto-tune. This one is just fine. It’s... fine.

87) All Time Low - “Trouble Is...”

Is All Time Low the Katy Perry of pop punk?

86) Tee Grizzley f/ Payroll Giovanni - “Payroll”

I have never heard of Payroll Giovanni, but I have two questions:

1) Is this his song, and he got Tee to jump on it?

2) Or, did Tee write a song called “Payroll” and think to himself “You know who would be great on this? Payroll Giovanni!”

Favorite stretch:

Listen, we is not the same, you say "door", I say "dough" You say "floor", I say "flow", you say "for sure", I say "fa'sho"

85) Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande - “Rain On Me”

Coming out in 2020 probably hurt this song, because I have no, like, out of the house memories with it. You can only have so much fun with Big Singers Singing over a pulsing beat when it’s coming from the phone in your kitchen as you’re indifferently scrambling eggs.

84) Benjamin Gibbard - “Life In Quarantine”

Now this is a song you can do nothing to; almost feels like it’s reluctant to even exist. It got released in March of 2020, so the outro (“No one is going anywhere soon”) served as a too sad reminder/mantra for what the year was about to be. Second shout out to Gibbard for the many YouTube sets he put together during the early stages of the pandemic (when so many of his peers were trying to figure out the next move).

83) Cardi B f/ Megan Thee Stallion - “WAP”

This felt less like a song and more of a “whoa, did you see the music video?!” and/or a means to relitigate the eternal question “What is the sexual line in music?” And while it was fun to watch people freak the fuck out... the quality itself really needed to be better.

(Note: YouTube video is the edited chorus; explicit version here)

82) McKayla Maroney - “Wake Up Call”

Former Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney -- of medals and memes fame -- dips her toe into the music waters. It’s inside-the-box modern pop music. One thing that’s hard to escape: it doesn’t really sound like her.

81) Chelsea Cutler - “Sad Tonight”

He vocals really remind me of Alessia Cara.

80) blink-182 - “Quarantine”

Blink doing a Bad Religion impression. Docked a few points for the very weak chorus lyrics (“Quarantine, fuck this disease”). That said, as serious as the song comes off, there are some clever punchlines to be found.

79) Dave Hause & Brian Fallon - “Long Ride Home”

This is kind of a nothing song, but it’s easy listening. Also, if your guitar leads can’t clear the “Could Bobby have written or performed this?” bar, then said leads are probably pretty weak.

78) Travis Scott & Kid Cudi - “THE SCOTTS”

Two artists who pair so well together, it’s hard to tell who exudes more influence on the track (eh, that’s not true, it’s Travis Scott, but Kid Cudi is more of a roommate than guest). They want you to be high by the time the instrumental outro hits.

77) The Strokes - “Bad Decisions”

The beginning sound feels somewhat evolved, but by the time Julian Casablancas croons “Making bad decisions”, the song feels like it could be on their debut album “Is This It?”. And it goes in and out like that from there.

76) Thundercat - “Dragonball Durag”

Thundercat is one of those artists I wish I liked more, but when the occasional track does hit, it’s a momentary glimpse into what real fans seem to always see.

75) TI f/ Lil Baby - “Pardon”

Standard fare. Lil Baby’s cameo is very meh.

74) Porches - “Do U Wanna”

For a song that repeatedly asks “Do you want to dance?”, it sure makes you feel like you’re moving in slow motion.

73) NOFX - “Thatcher Fucked The Kids”

On the best-named album of the year (“West Coast vs. Wessex”), Frank Turner and NOFX cover each other’s material. To start us off, the legends take a song from 12 years ago about British politics from 40 years ago and, well, very easily apply it to right god damn now in America.

72) The Bombpops - “Dearly Departed”

Ahh, my year’s first cancelled concert. The listed names in V1 always make me want to skip this song -- but patience, grasshopper. Chorus is aight.

71) Ratboys - “Alien With A Sleep Mask On”

This band name will never match what the music sounds like.

70) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - “She’s There”

The vocals in this song channel, like, four completely different singers for me, ranging from Bob Dylan to Cloud Nothings.

69) NOBRO - “Don’t Die”

An anthemic chorus meant to be belted in a room with sweaty strangers.

68) Oliver Tree f/ blink-182 - “Let Me Down”

The original solo version of this song is 1:52, and though the blink cameo pushes it over the dreaded two minute mark, it adds enough diversity to justify the choice (keep an eye out for the quick Green Day lyrical nod in the back half).

67) AJJ - “Normalization Blues”

This dropped in January, and if you thought the year was bad then. Punk News:

I'll admit I do want the album to age badly because I really don't want to have to listen to it years later and still say this is the world we're living in.

Said album being titled “Good Luck Everybody” is straight cryptic.

66) Selena Gomez - “Rare”

Very chill for big pop; triplet rhythm singing in the chorus gets me erry time.

65) Kid Cudi & Eminem - “The Adventures Of Moon Man & Slim Shady”

Cudi’s second split collab yields bigger results than his Travis Scott joint (admittedly with a worse beat here). It rarely ever hurts to let Eminem do the heavy lifting.

64) Alkaline Trio - “Smokestack”

A little cheerier than the average Alk3 song, but Dan Andriano seems like he’s been in a great place for a long time now; confident and in control. For me, the whole song builds up to the “You changed my life” chorus.

63) Frank Turner - “Scavenger Type”

Here, Frank takes on the acoustic closer to NOFX’s legendary 1994 album “Punk In Drublic”. Though the energy boost is most noticeable, my favorite part is how you can hear how much Turner loves this song as his melody bursts on the verses.

62) Mike Posner - “Alone In A Mansion”

Mike Posner, an artist I have a very soft spot for, released a storytelling concept album in 2020. From the intro track:

This album was written, recorded, and produced over a period of two weeks in Detroit, Michigan in my parents' basement. It's meant to be listened to all the way through. At least on the first listen. And it's about 36 minutes long. If you can't devote 36 minutes of undivided attention to this album, I again politely ask that you turn it off and return at a later time. I love you and I thank you for taking the time to listen in the first place. Also, it's important to note that the characters and the stories in this album are completely fictional. In addition, anyone struggling with a mental illness - depression, schizophrenia - should not listen to this album. Turn it off.

So those are the stakes. Pulling this song -- the record’s closer -- feels unfair void of context, but them’s the breaks.

61) Nada Surf - “Just Wait”

Heavy hitting chorus without having to be heavy; this could really work in a movie.

60) Matt Pond PA - “Wild Heart”

This having only 805 views on YouTube is criminal.

59) Liquid Death - “Unnecessary And Unimpressive”

Liquid Death -- in this iteration -- is a punk rock supergroup with members of Rise Against, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, and The Bombpops. If that didn’t interest you enough, all lyrics in the project (which, I believe, is for charity) come from hateful comments or negative reviews. Of the four artists involved, this sounds most like a Bombpops song, with Jen on lead vocals as others chime in.

58) PUP - “Rot”

Off my silver medalist for album name of the year (“This Place Sucks Ass”), PUP doesn’t do anything new here, but it was relieving to see them still going in 2020 when so many others got roadblocked, both physically and creatively.

57) Paul Harrold and the Nuclear Bandits - “Massanutten”

This reminds me of local Chicago artist Al Scorch. So much earnestness in the vocals, but a little more prairie for Harrold compared to speakeasy for Scorch. This would be a good road trip song. And I’m not talking about singalong... more for the stretch where you want to sit in silence and look out at the sun-kissed land blazing by. The song’s greatest victory is getting me to like something that cracks 6:00.

Note to future me: Massanutten is in Virginia (saved you a Google).

56) Kesha f/ Sturgill Simpson, Brian Wilson & Wrabel - “Resentment”

Kesha has been vulnerable in the past but never this stripped down sonically; the chorus would feel right at home on a country radio station. Love a good bridge, too.

55) Megan Thee Stallion f/ Beyoncé - “Savage (Remix)”

An up-and-comer pairing with a legend rarely lets down when both sides are this locked in. Bey wins. Fav line: “If you don't jump to put jeans on, baby, you don't feel my pain”.

She matches flows with Megan but also brings melody. Her blessing takes this song from pretty damn good to undeniably great.

That beat, too.

54) Red City Radio - “Baby Of The Year”

If all you want to do right now is grab a drink in a bar, here is a video built to troll.

(Also: a Liquid Death cameo?!)

53) Nathaniel Rateliff - “And It’s Still Alright”

The last time Mr. Rateliff had our attention, he just wanted a drink. That hit had a chorus with the very-sad-when-removed-from-the-song “If I can't get clean, I'm gonna drink my life away” lyric. Well, our man got sober since. And when the party is over, the introspection comes.

52) Direct Hit! - “HAVE YOU SEEN IT?”

Listening to slowed down Direct Hit! is like watching Usain Bolt lightly jog. It kinda makes sense because the core action is there, but it also feels sort of incorrect.

51) Hayley Williams - “Dead Horse”

Solo Hayley songs have this feel like they could do anything at any time... but then don’t. This one does the same until a very fun chorus breaks it up.

50) Kid Cudi f/ Phoebe Bridgers - “Lovin’ Me”

Probably the most improbable collab on this list (if 2020 hadn’t repeatedly taught us to not be surprised by anything).

49) The Homeless Gospel Choir - “Don’t Compare”

Listening to The Homeless Gospel Choir is kind of like getting a dedicated pep talk from a good friend... while fire rains down from the sky.

48) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Let’s Sort The Whole Thing Out”

Queen vocals with one prince of a tempo; this chorus is Sour Patch Kids riding Twix logs down a soda pop waterfall -- and it’s a b-side.

47) Green Day - “Meet Me On The Roof”

I like this song because it reminds me of summer and because it doesn’t really sound like Green Day (but still totally does).

46) Broadway Calls - “Meet Me On The Moon”

Promise -- swear -- I was gonna compare this Broadway Calls song to Green Day before realizing they both had titles about meeting in an escalated location. That said, I did put them next together on purpose to more coherently make this point.

45) David Rokos - “Building Bridges”

My buddy Dave wrote this song, and I think I’ve asked him three times what “burning sugar” meant (he says it’s a reference to absinthe). This song will make you want to travel to enjoy not only the places but the people around you.

44) Charli XCX - “claws”

Charli XCX keeps it futuristic in a video that could be described as sexy, cheesy, goofy, and playful-yet-serious.

43) Brian Fallon - “Lonely For You Only”

This is too easy and should not work (and maybe doesn’t). But that chorus... that circular phrasing... it still takes me all the way out. But I’m the same cat who proposed while a Gaslight Anthem cover was playing.

42) Waxahatchee - “Fire”

This song could be in a different language and hit just as hard.

41) Harry Styles - “Adore You”

Purifying pop.

40) Local H - “Hold That Thought”

Hardest rock song thus far. Local H was one of the first artists to play “live” once the lockdown hit (on a simultaneous YouTube/Facebook stream), and watching them attack music in their Chicago practice bunker felt a little bit like taking in the end of the world. New songs, old songs, covers -- it didn’t matter; their cool, unmatched apathy fits a pandemic or peacetime.

Ironically, was able to see them live in 2020, as they played a socially distanced, outdoor drive up concert in a minor league baseball parking lot. It wasn’t the same, but it was still something.

39) Crazy & The Brains - “I Don’t Deliver Pizza Anymore”

This song is just cool*. The verses feel tense and crucial, it starts to unspool in the pre-chorus, and the chorus itself feels like a light comedown more than anything else.

(* - though the lyric video is docked some points for spelling y’all as “ya’ll”)

38) Drake f/ Fivio Foreign & Sosa Geek - “Demons”

Menacing Drizzy can be very fun from time to time. Also more than happy to keep “Toosie Slide” very far away from this list.

37) Hey Dad!!! - “Life’s Alright”

Small band, big song; though summer feels light-years away.

36) insignificant other - “i’m so glad i feel this way about you”

This song lands a big haymaker in the first few seconds, so it was probably a good call to pull back some for the chorus and, eventually, outro.

35) BTS - “Dynamite”

Heard they made the lyrics bad on purpose for their English hit, which makes sense, because they’re bad. That said, if you listen knowing they’re supposed to be bad, it kinda makes them... good? Listen, 771 million views would have me singing nursery rhymes in Pig Latin.

34) DaBaby f/ RODDY RICCH - “ROCKSTAR”

Someone said this could be the song of the summer, but, because there wasn’t really a summer, I feel like I only heard it once all year. Also, are we really pretending Post Malone* didn’t just do a “like a rockstar” song three years ago?

(* - and N.E.R.D. before that and Cypress Hill before that... though N.E.R.D. only waiting a year after Cypress, so maybe DaBaby actually was patient)

33) The Front Bottoms - “the hard way”

Don’t take it easy on the animal / I am the animal

Not quite sure what this line means, but I fixate on the phrasing every single time. This song sounds resigned in a very self-aware way.

32) The 1975 - “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

For a band called The 1975, they sure sound like they’re on their ‘80s shit here. Also, a real thing that happened:

Me: Is he coercing her to get naked?! I thought this band was woke.

/scans lyrics

/notices “She said” before the “Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes” line

Me: Ahh.

Sax solo, take us out.

31) Charly Bliss & PUP - “It’s Christmas And I Fucking Miss You”

A song that is already a forever staple on all my future Xmas playlists.

30) 2 Chainz f/ Ty Dolla $ign & Lil Duval - “Can’t Go For That”

Shorty said she love me / I said “I love me back”

This is a real genre blur; rap at its core, but also soulful, funky, and very danceable. Damn creative.

29) Billie Eilish - “Therefore I Am”

Billie's 2020 gave a few singles -- but no new album -- and a body shaming scandal where the backlash to the backlash probably caused more headlines than the tweet that started it all. Still, she stays on cruise control above the clouds; can all eyes be on you if they can’t even make you out?

Video for this is fun, too. Not sure if her running amok in an empty mall is more of a COVID necessity or commentary on the dying retail industry. As always with her, fill in your own blanks for now.

28) Future f/ Drake - “Life Is Good”

This was my most listened to rap song in the first half of the year, and bumping again now, almost forgot how good it is. Drake just chasing one-liner Instagram captions in the first half:

- “Haven’t done my taxes, I’m too turnt up”

- “N****s caught me slipping once, OK, so what?”

- “B****, this is fame not clout, I don’t even know what that’s about”

And, of course, “Workin’ on the weekend like usual”. The man could make anything glamorous. Let’s hit that H&R Block, bro!

Future’s back half is a totally different song and feels mostly like noise, but the vibe is cool, so I don’t even totally mean that in a bad way. You can even make out a “Got Promethazine in my blood and Percocet” lyric to mark your Future bingo card and immediately move on.

27) I’m Glad It’s You - “The Silver Cord”

This song feels like cold air blowing on the back of your neck.

(Sidebar: thought this band was called The Silver Cord until literally right now)

26) The Spill Canvas - “Mercy”

A dreamy, distorted, at-home version of whatever you remember The Spill Canvas sounding like. This song is confessional and at peace, with the Grade A self-loathing we’ve come to love from this band.

25) 100 gecs f/ Charli XCX, Rico Nasty & Kero Kero Bonito - “ringtone (remix)”

100 gecs first hit my radar with the explosively obnoxious “money machine”, but that’s a 2019er, so this remix to “ringtone” will have to do. It’s catchy like a younger sibling persistently singing a song you’re sick of hearing*.

(* - /only child trying to work in sibling analogies)

24) iann dior f/ Machine Gun Kelly & Travis Barker - “Sick And Tired”

Iann Dior -- ...yeah -- channels Juice WRLD on the hook, and MGK/Travis Barker buoy a track that, honestly, doesn’t really even need the help.

23) Nick Lutsko - “Unleash Your Spirit”

Lutsko hit my radar on Twitter with some legendary political anthems (word to the RNC and Dan Bongino + his Dashboard Trump parody). “Unleash Your Spirit” is the song I most fear hearing (or even thinking of) within a few minutes of going to bed. Not because it’s Halloween theme is scary -- because it’s that god damn catchy. It permeates your brain. True story: a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with “Bobbing for apples with the boys” so ingrained in my head, it felt like someone was standing there yelling it through a megaphone.

22) Dogleg - “Kawasaki Backflip”

Bad 2020 robbed many concerts from us, and not getting to see this band live might take the cake. I end the year liking them but could have been *all in* with the right performance and the right venue. Also, Song Title of the Year until further notice.

21) Eminem f/ Juice WRLD - “Godzilla”

Eminem has all of the words and all of the lyrical dexterity, but sometimes it feels like there isn’t anything to ground him. Enter: one of the best beats he’s ever spit on and a Juice WRLD hook to give it pop angle. But let’s not put Slim in the corner -- when he starts accelerating at the end, it’s is a true “holy fuck” moment. It sounds faster than if you actually fast forwarded.

The video ends with a touching audio message from Juice WRLD.

20) Soccer Mommy - “circle the drain”

This song is so gloriously ‘90s; it leans in and does not care.

19) Sam Russo - “Always Lost”

The first time I met you, we were on the last bus You passed me a bottle, and I knew you were one of us

Took 25 words to hook me; I was txting friends before the first chorus even hit.

18) Sincere Engineer - “Trust Me”

Deanna Belos pushes her vocals in this one. I asked about the performance, and she said it was one of the first ones they recorded in the studio, but when they were done and listening back to everything, she re-did this track because her throat was much more used to what the song required.

“That’s why it sounds like I’m on roids lol,” she added.

17) Jay Electronica f/ JAY-Z - “Flux Capacitor”

Jay Electronica signed to Roc Nation in November of 2010. At of the start of 2020, he had still -- STILL HOW FUCKING STILL -- not released a debut album. When he announced it was finally dropping in February, it was met with skeptic eyes. He’d “announced” before. Shit, he’d even posted track lists of albums that never saw the light of day. He was a tease’s tease. It ended up getting a release date of March 12. As the pandemic got really bad in the March 11 zone, he finally had an actual reason to delay the proceedings (the plan: a studio live stream listening party*).

But no -- this is Jay Electronica. Why wouldn’t he drop as the world was ending? The same reason why his costar wouldn’t not have a watch like a Saudi prince. It had to end for it to happen. I wish I saved the memes, because they were fantastic. All I have is my own Twitter memory to prove it happened:

I love this song entirely: the “get the gat” hook (soooo New Orleans), Hov calling out the NFL/acquaintances clout chasing his potential death/rapping forever bars, Jay Elect’s ham-fisted and awkward ass Farrakhan line. Everything is exactly where it should be.

Final verdict on the full album: I don’t know, a B or B+? It had a lot more Jay-Z than expected (wooo), but -- and I rarely say this -- it could have actually been longer.

16) New Found Glory - “Greatest Of All Time”

NFG with a song referencing the Jordan-Rodman-Pippen Bulls only a few months before “The Last Dance” aired. Dare we call it marketing genius? The punk beat does not care; the punk beat is too busy taking souls.

15) Dave Hause f/ Amythyst Kiah & Kam Franklin - “Your Ghost”

“I can’t breathe”

On the heels of the George Floyd/BLM protests came Dave Hause’s somber attempt to capture the moment, desperation, and hurt. On a podcast, he said he was aware he might not ever lead the movement but still wanted to contribute something in an effort to use his platform as a white artist to change someone, anyone’s mind going forward.

14) Taylor Swift - “this me trying”

The chorus makes me feel like the crowd is parting like the Red Sea on a high school -- shit, no, middle school -- dance floor; smoke machine and all. Your crush is waiting for you on the other side. What are you going to say?

13) Phoebe Bridgers - “Kyoto”

Phoebe is one of the best lyricists out because of her specificity, but even though this song is about her dad, you can really fit it to your own narrative.

12) The Lawrence Arms - “Last, Last Words”

The Lawrence Arms wrote their new record (which singer Chris McCaughan described as “this end of the world outpost”) prior to the pandemic, but once you start to process album themes -- and research its namesake -- you do wonder. All of this, combined with some “Catcher In The Rye” references, and we’ve got ourselves a winning formula.

Dressed to kill for oblivion

11) New Lenox - “Fairytale Of Gary, Indiana”

Your boy plays drums and is on the cover art for this one. Dave Rokos wrote the tune, which references The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York”. Good news: no slurs in the Gary version. We’ll have you in and out in 90 seconds. Also: say hello to the recording debut of Alisa Caruso (some backup vox at the end).

10) Beach Slang - “Tommy In The 80s”

My most played song of 2020, but it really was more of a byproduct of how early in the year the album dropped. I’m still such a sucker for it, though. Other than forced nostalgia, not totally sure what the track is about. Did learn Beach Slang recruited former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson to play on their LP, which was named -- /deepest of breaths -- “The Deadbeat Bang of Heartbreak City” (so maybe it has something to do with that).

9) Juice WRLD f/ Mashmello - “Come & Go”

The :55 mark. Wait until the :55 mark. When the guitar kicks in and tempo doubles, we have a real “oh, shit!” moment. I knew who Juice was when he passed but only “Liquid Dreams”. His 2020 album (“Legends Never Die”) showed us of what could have been; 55 minutes, loaded with cameos and creativity and experimentation. This song had me in its gravitational pull immediately. By the end of the year, they were using it on sports broadcasts, and it felt like a ubiquitous part of the culture.

One of my favorite days of 2020 was visiting the Juice mural in Chicago with my wife. We went impulsively during the day after someone posted a picture on Twitter.

I snapped one of my own and posted to IG with the Signals Midwest lyric “There is such quiet grace in private moments in public spaces”. The band responded with “RIP JUICE”; the perfect online exchange.

Shortly after, I was out with a different group of friends, and we went back at night. This time, it was protected by a fence you had to squeeze past. When we got through, there were kids in there smoking, taking pictures, just hanging out; empty liquor bottles lined the bottom of the mural. Even though it didn’t take all that long to make it there, it still felt like a journey and total ‘movie moment in real life’; a complete rarity in a year like 2020.

8) Mac Miller - “Good News”

Maybe I’ll lay down for a little...

Sadly continuing the theme of artists gone too soon, we have this reflective Mac Miller single, which feels more like self-eulogy than traditional rap. You feel it the entire time. The song crests with “There’s a whole lot more for me waitin’ on the other side”, and it conveys a readiness for whatever happens next.

7) The Dirty Nil - “Done With Drugs”

I don’t pray to Jesus or even own a suit

We lost the creators of our last two songs to substances, and, if we are to take this song at face value, The Dirty Nil don’t want to go down the same path. Drying out never sounded so cool and defiant... until the IKEA suggestion.

6) The Weeknd - “Blinding Lights”

Uptempo Abel is undefeated. My favorite pop song of 2020 has you feeling like you’re speeding through the empty streets of nighttime Las Vegas in a stolen car; indifferent to your environment, only tuned in to your personal desire.

And, on the lamer side of the spectrum, it spawned a catchy TikTok dance.

5) Spanish Love Songs - “Self-Destruction (As A Sensible Career Choice)”

It won’t be this bleak forever... yeah, right.

SLS has always been over-the-top with their lyrics spotlighting the hopelessness of the human condition -- so it was the *perfect* combo to being locked inside with nothing looking to forward to. Bonus: fun cake video.

Though the song’s core is uncut despair, a random moment I remember from 2020 was my wife telling me “I can hear you smiling as you’re singing” from another room as I belted the despondent chorus.

4) Worst Party Ever - “False Teeth”

This song sounds like The Front Bottoms; insecure yet so full.

3) Run The Jewels - “the ground below”

There were a lot of songs *about* 2020, but I’m not sure any artist soundtracked what being alive now is like more than RTJ. My favorite rap song and rap record of 2020.

Fav Killer Mike line: “Not a holy man, but I'm moral in my perversiveness / So I support the sex workers unionizing their services”

Fav El-P line: “I'll slap a dying child he don't pronounce my name correct”

2) The Menzingers - “America Pt. 2″

The Menzingers unexpectedly released an acoustic, re-done version of 2019′s “America (You’re Freaking Me Out)” single. It dropped on my birthday -- June 5th, 2020 -- as the rage in this country boiled over and protesters took to the streets. Though some of the lyrics remained the same, the new ones were changed with true purpose:

Well George Floyd was murdered by a cop The whole world saw the video and watched Now justice is long overdue Grab your pitchforks, we’re heading to Pennsylvania Avenue

I had nothing left when the first pre-chorus hit: “I hope the Devil and Donald and Mitch McConnell rot in hell for all tomorrows”. Tattoo this on my fucking soul.

All funds from the song were donated to Community Bail Funds (via Act Blue) & Campaign Zero. I purchased the track before hearing a note.

1) Machine Gun Kelly - “My Bloody Valentine”

Going into the year, I couldn’t tell you the difference between Machine Gun Kelly and Mac Miller -- now they’re both fixtures in this Top 10. All I really knew about MGK involved tattoos and a rap battle lost to Eminem (not that anyone ever beats Eminem).

In 2020, he took a punk/emo turn, with the services of GOAT drummer Travis Barker and new squeeze Megan Fox at his side. This song’s lyrics could potentially be cheesy but aren’t -- they all land. From the simulation going bad to not wanting “fake love” to all the damn second guessing and the earnestness that just won’t let you off the mat.

Every piece to the puzzle adds something: the messy hair, the Ken doll build, the forced iconic pink guitar that now feels actually iconic. It was almost like no one had any fun this year so he could have all of it on our behalf. There’s a half second shot of him sticking his tongue our during the pre-chorus, a joy 99.99% of us never got to feel.

The album itself was just as fantastic*; a 2000′s pop punk throwback with a Halsey duet, horrible skits (hi, Pete Davidson FaceTime), OpIvy lyrical nod (complete with a royalty check), a warp speed punk track that doesn’t even crack the minute mark, your token 6/8 ballad, acoustic closer (about his daughter), and some experimentation that leaves the new genre but still stays nearby; shades of Lil Peep, if he had Blink-182 as his backing band. Speaking of, please do not miss Travis’ fill at the 2:30 mark.

(* - named “Tickets To My Downfall”... woof)

MGK could get cancelled tomorrow, but we’ll always have this year in a bottle. The acoustic version of the song (sung in a lower resister), the 10 minute making of video (that I watched, uh, twice)... shit, he even turned it into a medley at the start of 2021.

It might be cliche to say “stay winning”, but when someone stacks this many W’s with no end in sight, what the fuck else do you call it? Real love.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading. Here is the Spotify playlist (includes 87 of the 88 songs).

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