#ill come back and edit the tags if anything new happens

[testing-12-testing]

Hey, so if anyone here was unaware

On Twitter, someone has come out with information regarding Gabe Velez/Gamerduck (frogbots va), talking about their experience with him. (the post is linked below but I need to warn you guys for multiple mentions of SA and abuse)

I am not going to say much else here other than I am fucking disgusted. I cannot even put into words how angry this makes me. Fuck Gabe, and fuck anyone who still supports him after this.

[minustwofingers]

love is a laserquest p.2

series masterlist (read p1 here!)

pairing: rockstar!ellie williams x reader

request: @thatgiraffefromtlou so kindly included me on a post about writing something inspired by these beautiful edits :) thank you !

summary: after a serious of unfortunate events, columbia grad y/n y/l/n finds herself using her hard-earned journalism degree interviewing vapid stars and writing articles that she's convinced are rotting her mind. ellie williams has just dropped the album of the year and it's all anyone is talking about, but all she wants is to be off the press train. a certain interview with a certain interviewer might change this.

cws: explicit language, kind of suggestive phrasing? (i get a little feral with guitar playing descriptions), shitty bosses, mentions of nausea and throwing up (no one actually does tho dw), y/n is anxious asf, my writing is a little....yikes...in this one, loser!ellie

a/n: i lied i lied hehe. here's the next part. im still working on building this stupid app so i havent been able to write as much recently + holiday family stuff but oh am i back!

here's a playlist inspired by this fic

wc: 2.4k

tags: tags :) @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie@galacticstxrdust @elliesbabygirl @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl @elliewilliamsissubermommyoml @eviestevie-14 @quicksilversg1rl @guacala @crtcrp @overtrred28 @diddiqueen @krisyslostsoul

enjoy mwah

It starts slow, like the drip of a broken faucet. It’s not like you’re actively seeking out anything Ellie William’s related, but somehow it seems like everything Ellie Williams related is seeing you out. 

In the grocery store, one of her hit songs from her newest album blaring over the speakers.

On the street, where you see crumpled pages of magazines with her face plastered all over them. 

And—perhaps the most offensively—on NPR and the New York Times, quite literally days after you’d met her. Suddenly Steve Inskeep and Leila Fadel begin the Up First podcast with a familiar song and devote an entire third of the morning podcast to Ellie and her band’s rise to fame. 

You decide to switch to the BBC World News for a while, but even they seem to be under her spell.

It’s not that you don’t like Ellie. She seems fine. Normal. Really cute, actually, and clearly very talented. But whenever you think about her, you think about the ill-fated, awkward, charmless interview.

“What happened?” Alyssa had asked you when she’d come back from surgery. “That wasn’t you out there.”

Which was actually very hurtful to hear, because you’d been holding onto the hope that you’d been all in your head about your interview being a failure. It all culminates in Eric, your 300 year old manager, sending you a strongly worded email that told you that your performance in the interview was so underwhelming that you were being pulled from the interviewer pool and exiled to article writing land. Which could be worse, you admit. You could be unemployed on the streets of LA. At least you’re still writing. 

And write you do. You spend all your waking hours either at your keyboard, on your yoga mat, or sat in a chair somewhere at a local cafe for a coffee chat. You’ve mostly deleted social media, since all you see nowadays are pictures of Ellie and Becca’s posts about her experience working and loving her life in New York (the algorithm apparently knows exactly what you want to see the most). 

It’s bizarre that, even as you try your best to place your focus on honing your craft and consuming only content that you think will make you a better writer, you still somehow learn everything and more about Ellie Wlliams and her band. It’s in the emails at work whose chains you’re CC’ed on. It’s in the advertisements and the billboards everywhere. It’s even in the conversations you have with your two roommates, Greta and Maureena. 

“She’s so fucking cool,” says Maureena dreamily as you sit around the TV in the living room. “I still can’t believe you got to talk to her.”

“It’s not like I actually got to, like, get to know her or whatever,” you say. “It was honestly kind of dry. Just awkward small talk.”

“That’s more than anyone else I know can say.” She reaches forward and grabs a fistful of popcorn. “How come she gets interviewed by the person who probably cares about her the least in all of LA? Like, what are the chances?”

“I care,” you say, and it sounds unusually defensive coming out of your mouth.

Maureena gives you a long, suspicious look, but before she can respond, Greta comes bursting into the apartment, purse swinging from her shoulder.

A greeting is halfway out of your mouth when she cuts you off. 

“You guys will not believe what I just did.” She’s nearly bursting with excitement, her eyes bright and wide. 

“Like, in a good way?” you ask. 

“Yes. Obviously!” Greta fishes around in her pocket until she pulls her phone out, waving it around. “Check your email.”

The last time Greta had come in with an entrance this energetic, she’d been coming to inform you both that she was getting engaged to her loser boyfriend Brian (which—thank God—didn’t actually last), so you and Maureena trade nervous looks. 

Maureena gets to it first. 

“Tickets to see Ellie Williams? Tonight?” Now she’s about to explode with giddiness, leaping from the couch and throwing her arms around Greta. “I love you, I love you, I love you. How did you get these? I thought they were, like, totally sold out. Or ten thousand dollars.” 

She grins wickedly, holding her hands out in a “who knows” sort of way. “You can all thank me later. We have to leave in about 20 if we want to get there in time. Y/N, you good?”

You’d been staring on in horror, jaw dropped and body completely frozen. You had registered that Ellie was playing in LA tonight—it’s all anyone you knew talked about at work today—but you never once considered actually going to try to see her. “Uh, yeah. Give me just a few.”

By the time you get to the venue, you’re convinced that you might actually puke from the nerves. It’s ridiculous. It’s not like three broke 20 some year olds were going to get last minute seats to an Ellie Williams concert that were genuinely good seats. It’s not like she would see you and realize that the girl who flopped while interviewing her was a big enough fan to attend. You’re going to be fine. 

“Shit, Grets, how are we so close?” asked Maureena as she leads you both closer and closer to the front. 

Horror steadily rises within you as you approach the front row. 

“I got these from my boss,” she says, turning around with a devilish glint in her dark brown eyes. “Her daughter got food poisoning, bless her. She had to stay back to take care of her, and I was the only one who stayed late to work, so…”

Greta’s boss was some filthy rich nepo baby who was a partner of a big talent agency. All of a sudden you feel stupid for not realizing this sooner.

“Shit,” you say, mostly to yourself. “Oh no. Oh my god.”

“Isn’t this so cool!” Greta jumps up and down, hands on your shoulders as she tries to rile you up. “Dude, what if she recognizes you?” 

“I think I’m going to puke,” you say miserably. Somehow the thought of her seeing you made you want to crawl inside your skin in shame and hide for the next calendar year. “Did you guys not see how ass it was? I was so fucking awkward.”

“It wasn’t even that bad.” Maureena pats your shoulder. 

“I literally was forbidden from ever interviewing again because it was so bad.”

“Because Eric hates women,” says Greta. “It’s not your fault he’s a horrible human being. Give it, like, a year or so until he croaks. Then they’ll let you back in the game.”

“Uh huh,” you say, feeling very harrowed. 

You remain in this state of abject terror for the entire opener performance. The nausea doesn’t subside. It only gets worse when you realize that if you actually puke, Ellie’s definitely going to see it. Just like she’s going to see you, with the stupid stars Greta had insisted you paint on your cheekbones with glittery eyeliner and eyeshadow. 

“She really likes space,” Greta had told you while you’d been getting ready, pretending like you didn’t already know all about this. “So all of her fans wear star stuff to see her.”

Before you can think to wipe off the glitter, everything goes black. Then the crowd goes wild. 

When the silvery blue light spills onto the stage, it illuminates Ellie, standing just a number of feet away from you. You barely have enough time to take in the black leather coat and loose white shirt she’s wearing before music explodes out of the speakers, her fingers flying up and down the fretboard. 

You’re spellbound as you watch her. Her voice rings loud and clear and slightly gravelly when it snags on her words. She’s nothing at all like the girl you’d met a month ago—there’s no discomfort, no awkwardness. She looks like she’s born to be on stage. 

When the first song ends, she steps back, grabbing the standing mic next to her. 

“Uh. Hi,” she says, and it’s so endearingly nervous compared to how she’d just sounded that something in your chest twists. She rubs the back of her neck. “I’m Ellie.”

Greta and Maureena join the crowd, screaming and cheering. 

“I LOVE YOU!” someone shrieks, louder than everyone else.

“You know,” she says, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to people reacting like this to me just, like, saying my name. It’s really fucking weird. Oh. Shit. Sorry. Are you guys okay with me swearing?” 

The roar that comes from the crowd is entirely undecipherable. 

“Right,” says Ellie. “Um. I’ll take that as a yes. Sorry to anyone who brought their kids or something. Anyway, this one’s about the ex who cheated on me and gave me mono.” 

Before you can react to that, she starts playing. 

As she proceeds through the setlist, you’re struck by just how close you are to her, how many things you can notice that hardly anyone else in the crowd can see. You see the outline of her phone in her pocket, the pieces of hair that have fallen out of her little half bun and are sticking to her face, the way that the glitter on her collarbones trails down her shirt in little rivulets. 

And, above everything else, you can see the horrible way her fingers straddle the fretboard, curling and pressing with ease so practiced it looks tender. 

Apart from this bad, bad development (you can feel your mind going a million miles an hour about things you should not be thinking about), things are going great. Ellie hasn’t noticed you. Or even looked in your direction. You’re not even sure she can see you, given how little light is shed onto the crowd. The false sense of security makes you feel comfortable singing along with Greta and Maureena, your lips forming the lyrics you’d been pretending to not listen to whenever her songs came on. 

It happens during a slower song, a sort of ballad that makes your heart thud harder in your chest to hear from her mouth. The lights on stage dim a little. Light spills just the slightest onto the front of the crowd, and Ellie’s eyes fall and snap onto yours so decisively that it almost feels audible. 

For a moment, you can’t breathe. Ellie’s voice suddenly catches mid-word, faltering and missing a beat. She thrusts her hand with the mic into the crowd, which eagerly picks up where she left off and finishes the verse. 

It’s impossible to see on the screen projecting her image behind her, but you can see the flicker of recognition in her eyes, the stiffness that comes with realizing that you actually know someone from somewhere. 

You’re the one who breaks eye contact, focused with a sudden intensity on the way the thin fabric of your sleeves are situated on your arms. 

Greta pokes you so hard in your ribs that you gasp. 

“What the fuck!” you snap, but the words are swept away by the noise around you. 

“Why didn’t you wave?!” she hisses in your ear. “She totally recognized you.”

The realization falls over you with the subtlety of an anvil. Oh my god. You totally should’ve waved. That was the normal, well-adjusted thing to do. Now she was going to think you were weird. And it was too late now. But she didn’t wave to you. Wasn’t she supposed to wave first? Because you of course remembered her, but she might not remember you. Yeah. You could go with that.

Maybe she didn’t remember you. 

You can’t relax for the rest of the concert. You try your best to just act normal and dance along with your friends and casually mouth the words, but it’s hard when it feels like she’s staring at you. Which is completely impossible. The light doesn’t fall back onto the crowd until the concert is over and Ellie and her band are long gone backstage. 

~

Two months later, all you can think about is the way that Ellie stuttered over her words when she saw you in the crowd. Of course, this is definitely something you’ve made up in your mind, because there’s a number of reasons why she might’ve slipped up. Maybe she just thought she knew you from somewhere and couldn’t place it. That’s why she (allegedly) kept looking in your direction afterwards. Or maybe you’re completely batshit insane, and she didn’t look at you at all. Because if she had, wouldn’t she have waved? Right?

It’s almost bad enough to distract you from work. You find yourself prowling on Twitter, watching the #elliewilliams tag blow up following every concert date. It doesn’t give you any clarity, because in every picture, she looks just as perfect and cool and confident as she was at the LA show. You don’t know why you assumed she’d look different if it was true that she’d recognized you. More human, maybe. But she’s just as bathed in starlight as she was that night many weeks before, just as far away and untouchable. 

You spend so much time thinking about her that you’re convinced you might’ve slipped into a dream when Eric appears at your cubicle with the news.

Instead of saying hello, he plops a stack of papers on the desk in front of you, all labeled “PopNow! Interview Etiquette”. 

“Excuse me?” you say. 

“Start reading up, kid,” says Eric. “You’re back in the game.”

“What?” 

“You have an interview scheduled later this week.” He scowls down at you, gum smacking in his mouth. He smells faintly of tobacco. 

“But I thought I was removed from—”

“You still are,” he says. “But someone requested you. Their manager told us they wouldn’t talk to us if they didn’t get you.”

“What?” 

He huffs out a short laugh. “Believe me, I was surprised too. Don’t know what they’re on about after the last time you talked to their client. Fuck this one up and you’re out, okay? Got it? The info’s in your inbox already.” 

Somehow the words don’t quite sink in until you open the email and see the words on paper. 

SENDER: Maria Miller

RECIPIENT: Eric Bal

CC: ewilliamsmusic@gmail.com, y/ny/l/n@popnow!.com

Eric,

Great to hear back from you. Glad that 3 next Wednesday works. 

Best,

MM

final a/n: lmk how u guys feel about this...feeling a little unsure about where this is going but enjoying writing it anyway there are two wolves inside of me etc. etc. also ive missed u all! i hope everyone is doing well! dont b shy!

[salute-desire]

Haiieee :3

Yea they all apply to me, explanations for my case below the cut if anyone somehow cares

So funny story. This Just recently happened. Xday (3 copies) -> Sugoroku (just Ibara, max copy) -> SS Fin on EN (Nagisa 3 copies) -> Absolute (in the process of max uncap, currently 3 copies). Am I still alive? Yeah. Am I miserable as fuck? Very.

Fragment without being obsessed over Bogie Time is like an angel without its wing. I was NOISY as fuck about Bogie Time for like 6 months until it drops on EN, I was fixating on optimising the grind for max uncap so much that I ended up in the top 20 by the end of it

If anyone dares to ask Fragment about anything related to gameplay, they will get a nearly incomprehensible essay on said specific topic. This has happened I-can't-count-with-my-fingers times

Big fan of Alkaloid but do I look like I will still be alive if I have to produce 14 characters. (Glances at Phantom Airship being the current EN event)

...Unfortunately I'm somewhat of an ENGstarrie (Tomatoes are thrown at me) I made my account during Bigbang and I somehow haven't missed a single event so... Yeha...

Remember point 3? Yeah those essays are made on the spot. I internalised them too hard.

...So I made a spreadsheet counting the total number of cards for each idol for personal use and currently planning to start a project by the end of this week to find out if live skills on DLFS are true RNG or if your performance during the prod. course determines the range of RNG. Yeah that sounds incomprehensible

DID YOU KNOW EVE FUCKING HATE ME? NOW YOU KNOW! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I BEG THEM TO COME HOME AND YET THEY FUCKING DON'T. REMEMBER THE GUESSING GAME FOR 8TH ANNIV? YEAH THEY REFUSE TO LET ME GET ANY TITLE DURING THAT. ADAM WERE MUCH MORE TOLERABLE, GENEROUS EVEN (ignoring LNY Nagisa that dodged like 100 pulls.). DID YOU KNOW THAT OUT OF 4 SERVERS I'VE PLAYED, THEY'VE COME HOME THROUGH GACHA IN NONE. NOW YOU KNOW! NOW YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE TO FUCKING SUFFER IF I WANT EVERY SINGLE MEMBERS OF EDEN TO HAVE REMOTELY CLOSE NUMBER OF CARDS BECAUSE THE ONLY FUCKING WAY FOR ME TO GET THEIR CARDS IS THROUGH EVENTS. NOW YOU KNOW WHY SOMETIMES I JUST CALL MYSELF AN ADAMP BECAUSE EVE FUCKING HATE MY GUTS AND WANT ME DEAD

The only 3 other times I've seen someone else have the same hc as me are searching on Twitter dot com and the specific disorder tag on Tumblr. Good news is good to know there are people out there who agree on me about NPD Hiyori and Ibara. Bad news is that's it?

I have nothing to say other than I'm mentally ill and have dedicated too much time on this fuckass game.

[lifblogs]

Tagged by: @sindar-princeling

Are you named for anyone? Nope, not really. I have a name I might switch to irl, which is my name here, Lif. So really I just named myself after the human woman who survived Ragnarok by sleeping through it.

When was the last time you cried? Last night at midnight. I had to hold in my sobs so hard, and it was literally just over a character death. It really hits me.

Do you have kids? Does a very needy kitty boy count? I'm on mom duty with him for hours every day, and I lost sleep in high school doing all the mom stuff: feeding him, burping him, giving him medicine, giving him baths, reading to him so he could sleep okay, singing him to sleep (these were all vet recommended, and they helped his temperament a lot [he's mentally ill]). I do want kids someday. Almost had one in 2020. I still think about her, especially as May is coming up, and she was supposed to be born then. I don't bring this up to make anyone sad, or feel pity. It's just, part of my life, you know?

What sports do/have you played? Archery!! I haven't been able to do it since an injury in 2013 (yes, I realize this happened forever ago at this point), but it was fun. I should maybe try getting back into it. The lanes are expensive though, and I would need a lot of good places to sit down in between shooting.

Do you use sarcasm? That I do.

What's the first thing you notice about people? Same as sindar-princeling, I think. Probably the facial expressions. Next I look for something to compliment them on.

What's your eye colour? Really dark brown.

Scary movies or Happy endings? I feel like these are not opposite ends of a spectrum or anything. I want to say happy endings, but my favorite Star Wars movies are the tragedies: Revenge of the Sith, Rogue One, The Siege of Mandalore.

Any talents? Oh heck yes! I can play the clarinet, sing, compose, act, write, cat photography (trust me, it is a talent and a skill), edit pictures, and bake (I'm better than average at decorating though, but still kinda suck at it).

Where were you born? New England, USA.

What are your hobbies? Right now it's mostly reading, watching TV and movies, listening to music, playing video games, and writing.

Do you have any pets? I have 2! A maine coon girl named Alley Cat who will be turning 17 this Saturday! She's so silly, and a sweetie, and just full of love. Sometimes she annoys me because she thinks I'm her littermate (we were kids at the same time). She also still snurgles (suckling while kneading at the same time)!! And she loves food. She’s just so stunning and adorable. And then there's Loki! That's my baby boy. He picked me to be his mommy when I was 15. I've been there for him through almost everything (sadly couldn't be there for a scary hospitalization when I was in college a few states over). He's silly, he's lovable and loves giving love, he loves kissies, he likes to be brushed, he loves making biscuits. He loves playtime, and he loves getting into trouble. I have the best kitties.

How tall are you? 5'4 (I still want to cry about somehow growing an inch in my early twenties)

Favourite subject in school? PHYSICS AND BAND!!!

Dream job? I really don't know anymore. I wanted to be a professional clarinet player, but that couldn't happen, I wanted to be an actor, but that wasn't able to happen, I wanted to be an editor: again, nope. Screenwriter? Maybe? Author? I don't know anymore.

And here are my kitties!

Alley is on the left, and Loki is on the right. I forgot to mention that he’s an American Ringtail.

Tagging: @miss-mouse99, @feeling-uncomfy, @evilwriter37, @cascigarette, @knowerofuselessfacts, @err404r, @poisonedyouth, and @vanillachip101.

[cloudysarts]

please please tell us about rick and morty x-33 i fell in love with them instantly

GLADLY!!!!! aughhgh im SO glad people want to know about them i wanted to talk about them so bad!!! i have 300 million ideas. Ill give you the highlights <3 and a couple old sketches!!! under the cut so i dont clutter the tag TOO much :p

I saw someone mention their dimensional code in the tags and that was not an accident!!!! i DID pick x33 JUST bc it looks like a cute little emoticon <333 it went through a bunch of variants before i landed on that one and it was the right choice i think

Rick x33 didnt LIVEE on the citadel but he did work there!! up until it was destroyed ofc :P he runs what is basically a knockoff hot topic called “Bloody Morty” (like bloody mary <3). 

The tagline for the bloody morty  is “Memento Morty” which is. also a pun skldfhksd. The phrase it comes from, Memento Mori, is “remember death” or “death remembers” in latin, which colloquially translates to “Don’t take anything for granted.” the pun is obviously just a play on words, but its also sort of a reminder to ricks on the citadel. It would mean “remember morty” or “morty remembers” or,,,, “Don’t take Morty for granted” :]

He is a terrible business man and WILL price everything based on how much he likes you personally. You’re a Morty who wandered in to buy something behind your Rick’s back? It’s on the house, don’t even worry about it. You’re a Rick who dragged his Morty in here by the arm after yelling at him outside? Fuck you. This single pin is now thirty dollars.

Flesh Curtains Era Rick x33 ALSO had very wild fashion. As did the whole band honestly. Back then, though, Rick used to dye his hair like once a week. It was always a new color. He would paint Squanchy’s fur/BP’s feathers with the dye, too, so they all had a fun new look for every show!! When he went blue, though, he switched brands, and didn’t notice until AFTER dying his hair/dying Squanchy and Bp’s fur/feathers, that this dye was made to last…forever. It BECOMES your natural hair color. You could shave your head and it would grow back blue. He could dye on top of it, but ever since then he’d pretty much exclusively stayed blue, and BP/Squanchy now have permanent dye patterns in their feathers and fur long after growing out of their Phases

Speaking of BP, Rick x33 has the same little badge on a necklace that BP has on his collar. I like to think he gave him that necklace at Blood Ridge <3

Rick also has a yellow locket! This is to match Morty’s teal felt heart on his chest. They’re wearing each others colors!

Morty’s earrings look like Fleeb!! :3 

Morty does a lot of graphic design work for the store, since he knows what Morty’s like and this store is mostly for them :P lots of “”cringey”” unlicensed merch for things like FNAF and Warrior Cats are in here :3

Morty also spends a lot of time watching/making AMV’s or edits and such <3 Even drawing!!

Morty is very social and gets along super well with other Morty’s :] He likes to hang around the citadel and make kandi and rainbow loom with all the friends he makes. You’ll run into a lot of Morty’s with ‘memento morty’ spelled out in beads on their bracelets. Its like his version of a ‘best friends’ necklace for every morty hes ever befriended!

Morty x33 is very well liked by other Morty’s on the Citadel. Most Morty’s like Rick x33 too!! Not true for other Rick’s though. If they don’t OUTRIGHT HATE rick x33, they probably at least think he’s annoying as fuck

Rick and Diane x33 met at a rave <3

WAHGHJHKSDFHJKL OKAY ive gotta cut myself off i could literally ramble hcs about them all day :PPPP THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK im so happy that people like them and are interested in them bc i love them so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really appreciate it o((>ω< ))o here’s some little bonus doodles of them that i happened to have on hand!!!!!!!

pr*ship/c*mship dni please!!

[yournewfriendshouse]

hi! here is a little memo/tag key for navigating my messy messy blog because I’ve been trying to be better at tagging and thought if I have a post like this it might help cement them for me and be a good reminder if I forget. because that happens.

I’ve tried to have a more structured posting style in the past, but it never works. I’ve been having a bit more luck with my fashion side blog, but this thing is just a queueless, chaotic melting pot of cute kittens, dirty jokes, shitposts, disability posting, gender weirdness, bisexuality and vulgarity.

the vulgarity is partly because I find sexual jokes funny (esp when I haven’t slept), and partly because after studying both fashion and art I genuinely don’t know where the line for n*t s^fe f*r w*rk actually is. working in either of those industries, bodies are just (beautiful) bodies; and so even if I try to put a n/s/f/w tag on things….I don’t really know where to draw the line. so it’s up to you. probs don’t follow me (or filter extensively) if you’re going on tumblr in your workplace.

here are some tags I do try to use though:

#tiddy, #butts, #peenor, #nude portraiture, #pin ups, #homoerotica are all tags that probably have exposed bodyparts or whole bodies in them.

#sex ed is what I slap onto things that I think people should know/talk about to do with sex

#auspol is likely to have a high frequency of australian swear words like ‘cunt’ in them. as will #so called australia

#kitty!, #dog!, #animal friends, #the tiniest, #space is cool, #the ocean is cool, #dinosaurs are cool, #world news, #world politics are all pretty safe? ish?

#good god is my religion tag, I think it’s generally pretty sfw? I know I swear a lot but often that tag is just me reblogging discussions other people are having

#disability tag, #autism tag, #chronic illness tag, #chronic pain tag, #chronic fatigue syndrome/me mobility aids might have swears in them but they’re about the disability stuff. #cripplepunk probably has swears in it

#the lovliest sound and #cut a rug are for music and dancing

#cake! #cookies! #recipes are self explanatory but I try to warn for #food in general if it’s being discussed or shown

#real art and #fashion are just my art and fashion tags. I made a post about it in the past, but ‘real art’ is not me judging whether something is art or not, it’s just a carry over from when I was making art, and I put it on all art

#I made this for you is memes or shitty edits I made generally

#I wrote this is bits I wrote that I want to be able to find again later, whether I made the post or I added something

I haven’t had any requests to tag monarchy related stuff, but I think I should use #there is no queen of england from now on, as I can understand if people want to come onto tumblr and not think about it.

is that all? I’ll add to this if I think of anything

also I do follow a lot of people on purpose but I also often accidentally follow people because I’m not very good with my fingers. so if you’re a follow back kind of person I might not realise that’s what is going on; but generally I’ll only unfollow people who are horrible or reblog a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with me, which makes for an interesting dashboard, to say the least.

[playedbetter]

Jean-Paul Valley & Azrael | Apex Verse Info

Behold an information post for JPV & Azrael’s crossover verse with apex legends, cause boy have my thoughts about this have gotten out of control. The info is under the cut cause this ended up being 2000+ words.

This is subject to change as I learn more about the lore of the game, think of new things, and as events occur that I feel are worth mentioning. If/when I edit this post I will include ‘patch’ notes at the bottom of the post.

Also, please take the TWs in the tags seriously as this post does go over a lot of the childhood and cult abuse which they have gone through along with themes of violence, death, and mental illness.

Without further ado, here is the info:

Background

Jean-Paul originally is from Gaea, having lived in a version of Gotham City (here leaning more into neon noir than gothic, with it’s corruption coming from top execs and the like draining the city of it’s resources leaving the poor of the city to fend for themselves.)

His early life was spent alone or under the care of his tutor for the most part, because as far as he was away his father was a respectable mercenary frequently busy with work thanks to the politically unstable-ness of the outlands. They did not attend public school, instead being taught by a private tutor his father hired.

Unknowingly to JPV they were a member of The Order of St. Dumas who in addition to their warped teachings about the universe was also mentally abusing, brainwashing, and grooming JPV to become the next Azrael, resulting in JPV developing OSDD-1b and the beginnings of Azrael forming. JP would be unaware of this for years to come.

In his spare time they developed an interest in technology and how it works, specifically computers. On the rare times that his father was present the man did encourage this interest and exploring it, secretly hoping it would lead JP away from the order.

This lead him to attending Gotham U as a young adult, majoring in computer science. He really did love the program and was planning a future career as a Computer Systems Analyst.

They did notice in this time that he had periods of time where he;d just end up staring off into space, or missing what people were saying to him, or just feeling a disconnect with his body, but he dismissed those things as just stress from uni.

He couldn’t examine his life too closely, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to, they just couldn’t. Any mental road that started going that direction just left him feeling disoriented, anxious, or sick. So he just didn’t.

At least not until his father arrived at his back door, bleeding out in a strange costume. His father, Jean-Paul Ludovic Valley Sr. was the Azrael before JP, the personal assassin of The Order of St. Dumas. His father gave him a number to call for body removal, spoke of a secretive place on Psamathe away from it’s civilization, and of JP’s inheritance before dying in JP’s arms.

Not sure what else to do he called the number, which resulted in strange people coming and taking the body away without a word. Even now he has no idea what ended up happening to his father’s body.

He also received his inheritance, it was enough money to do pretty much anything he wanted. However, the mystery over what his father spoke of, and what had happened that lead to his death meant that he departed Gotham and Gaea to investigate.

Searching the recesses of Psamathe eventually lead him to Nomoz and to The Order of St. Dumas who were quick to activate the brainwashing they had done to him as a child and unleash Azrael.

Azrael was born of internalizing the Order’s teachings as a survival method, and due to just how intense their brainwashing and abuse was. Now in the hands of The Order of St. Dumas that brainwashing was only strengthened and he quickly was ready to be their assassin.

The stress on both Azrael, and internally Jean-Paul along with further brainwashing lead to them fracturing more, however the headmates who formed from this have not made themself(s) known to JP or Azrael.

This all however did reveal a few truths of their past namely; Their body had been genetically engineered by the Order to be an ideal fighter.

 It did eventually become apparent that Jean-Paul was still around, and the attempts to wipe out his identity completely had not worked, so the Order begrudgingly had to just deal with it, and make sure that JP would never begin to feel empowered enough to leave, get help, or stop Azrael from carrying out his tasks and duties.

So long as he behaved and obeyed his superiors, he was safe. That was his world now.

Azrael was sent on many different missions to benefit The Order of St. Dumas, assassinating their enemies and rivals, stealing things of use to them, and investigating things of interest to them. In this he honed his skills and found some sense of fulfillment. In his mind he was following holy orders after all, and what else is an angel to do?

The leash on both of them got a little longer, a little less tight as it became clear to the Order that both JP and Azrael would stay on their own. They could be allowed to spend an afternoon doing what they wanted before carrying out a mission if the timeline worked out. They didn’t just have to be on standby unless on a mission.

There still was a leash though, JP still had to live in their sanctuary and couldn’t regularly have conversation with outsiders. Azrael didn’t even bother to see how far the rope around his neck went, they didn’t care to, staying right by their commanders side.

They could live with this...

Something changed tough. The Order saw an opportunity to fill their coffers and increase their standing with the Syndicate. Having Azrael compete in the Apex Games and letting the Syndicate know that they could call in a favor or two to get rid of one or two people, something they’ll keep in their back pocket for sure.

Both JP and Azrael were rather confused when they were given the order, but could do little to argue against it. Winning funds for the Order, and gaining some glory for them, was a reasonable enough goal they guessed? They had to accept it.

So soon they were sent off to join the ranks of the Apex Legends, the leash around their neck gaining even more slack thanks to the circumstances, but the dangers of disobeying the Order ever present.

The Order of St. Dumas

The Order of St. Dumas is a christian cult which started after the crusades on earth. They were slow to move off of earth when space travel started to become available however eventually realized that any luxury or glory they could find for the their sect would be on other planets.

They’ve operated in the shadows, trying to gather strength and sway like what they once ad in the very very old days. And given just how wide the universe had became, there were plenty of dark corners to dig their claws into and establish a good foothold.

As war gripped the universe they did their best to stay out of it, it could could pull too many of their secrets into the light, and they wanted to hedge their bets given just how much was at stake. So each time a war was over and a winner was clear they spent a lot of time kissing ass and making connections with the winners.

They established their main base/sanctuary on Psamathe for the comfort and convenience of the richest and most powerful members of the Order. Placing it far enough out of the way that they could be reasonably assured that they would not be bothered.

Azrael & The Order

Since the Order’s creation they have had an assassin whom they call Azrael, the angel of death. The first few were zealots who had joined the Order of their freewill, but as the Order closed itself off it became a hereditary role, and that meant that each first born son of the last Azrael had to be made into an ideal assassin and weapon, which quickly turned them towards abusing and brainwashing their future Azrael’s.

As time progressed their methods for indoctrination and the creation of Azrael became more and more refined, starting to pick out the partners for their Azrael’s to have better control over the next generation. Learning more of psychology and mental tricks to use to help weaken the child’s willpower. And drugs and genetic enhancements to make their body more dangerous.

Publicly Available Information

Jean-Paul/Azrael was publicly announced when they joined the games as such:

“Jean-Paul Valley, better known as Azrael, is a warrior on a holy mission. Having originally came from a small religious group known as The Order of St. Dumas. He’s joined the games thanks to what he’d call a divine calling. Wielding flame and blade he is a dangerous and unique Legend to face on the battlegrounds.”

The Order of St. Dumas is known to be a small Christian sect who rarely if ever accept new members. It’s members list is private and little is known about their traditions or practices. Most assume they just have a few fringe beliefs that lead to being an off-shoot of Catholicism.

Digging through his social media, public records, and interviews can reveal the following

He once attended Gotham U majoring in Computer Science before leaving in his first year for unknown reasons.

They were privately trained. Unknown where.

They seem to follow a form of Christianity which on the surface seems similar to Catholic Christianity

He is single

They do not fill out a lot of information on social media or use it much, really only to share stuff related to the games and the ever so occasionally picture of interesting places he has came across.

He is familiar with Psamathe given his reactions during games set in Olympus.

Things that are not publicly known

The Order of St. Dumas is an abusive cult which tampers with events through conspiracy and assassination to benefit themselves. And that Azrael is their assassin and a victim of them

That Jean-Paul and Azrael are not the same person, but instead two people in a system with each other.

For that matter any of their mental health issues. While of course it’s been impossible to hide all their symptoms it has never been publicly addressed and the notice telling ones have been as well hidden as they possibly can be.

That there have been any prior Azraels.

They are not public about being queer in any way.

Apex Games Kit

Unless something goes terribly wrong Azrael is always the one fronting while on the battlegrounds of the game. Azrael is an Offensive Legend with the following abilities

Grappling Hook - Tactical

A grappling hook that when activated pulls him quickly towards where he targeted it, it is built into his gauntlets. This is meant to give him the ability to catch up to people or reach them if the have the high ground. In game it would have no effect if they targeted a person with it, however in writing it would have the sort of effects you would expect.

Death’s Blessing - Passive

For each killing blow he gets with a melee attack his damage increases and he receives a short (1-3 second) regeneration effect to his health. This means they ramp up significantly in danger the longer he is been in the match and able to get kills.

Angel’s Wraith - Ultimate

Azrael unsheathes the sword on his back and lights it ablaze. In this state any melee damage they deal leaves a damage tick on it’s victim and after getting a kill from either melee damage or fire tick damage he receives a short speed buff.

The effects of death’s blessing are still in effect and fire tick kills also activate it’s effects.

Melee

He uses retractable blades from his gauntlets instead of punches or kicks unless otherwise stated.

Other Differences

Azrael is familiar with what we would call modern technology but what would be terribly out of date by the standards of this universe. So he can handle guns, phone calls, email, and stuff like that but more advance things like how the shields work he doesn’t understand.

Jean-Paul has never adopted his cat Georgie due to still being with the Order.

They are still in deep with The Order of St. Dumas and since becoming aware of them, have never been able to leave them. As such they are both in far worse mental state than they are in other verses. Though they have still manged to figure out that they are plural just to avoid confusion in writing.

They lack most of his canon connections due to the impossibility of making any of them make any sense in this setting. Should a batfam rper ever wanna rp in this verse with me this can be subject to change.

[percontaion-points]

Clawless chapters 9 & 10

Today's review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine – Jasper

I so cannot wait to read several pages of him wangsting about not being able to be with Vail, while simultaneously calling her a slut. /prediction

“Don’t like that, do you? Well, you have a choice, Alpha. Push for the trackers, and I offer her the claiming mark. Let it go, and I’ll do the same.” 

I knew my eyes must have been burning like the fucking sun, because my wolf was half-ready to push a shift and tear that smirk off his face. But I swallowed back his howl and shook my head. “She hates you almost as much as she hates me. She won’t go for it.”

My favourite part about this is how they’re having this discussion in a room full of omegas. Like they are literally right there. There’s no way that they can’t hear all of this. 

Edit from the future: Vail claimed that she had no idea what had happened at the start of the next chapter. But she also continues to shove her head in the sand in regards towards literally everything, so I’m not quite sure that I trust her narration. 

“Get your shit under control, Alpha. A pack is only as strong as its weakest link.”

Chapter 9 summary: Well, the chapter did start off with Jasper moping about Vail. But this is quickly overtaken by the other alphas getting angry and implying that Jasper wants to tag all of the omegas, like dogs. 

However, it’s Reed who points out that none of the other omegas are actually at risk; this is 100% about Vail. That this is simply a measure to control all of the pack.

Here, Jasper pauses briefly to tell the readers about the inter-pack politics he’s been dealing with the past week, since he killed his dad. 3 different wolves challenged him, but then backed down when they realised that they would follow Jasper’s dad into an early grave. He banished 2, and sent one to do paperwork in the arctic. (IDK why this is relevant, but sure.) Also, the lab was shut down, pending investigation. If they would have tortured Vail, who knows what other bullshit is going on in there. 

Reed then says that if Jasper wants to put the tracker into Vail, then he can. But Reed will also put a claiming mark on Vail, so that HE can know where she is at all times, too. This pisses Jasper off enough, and he realises that he can’t win this one. He tells all of the omegas to leave. 

Chapter 10

“Anything you want to discuss, you come to one of us and we’ll help. But you’ll probably get the best feel for it all tomorrow, at the dinner dance.”

 I blinked at her. “Excuse me?”

 “The annual Alpha and Omega Dinner Dance is tomorrow.”

JFC, it’s barely been a week since the last dance!

Tomorrow I’ll be a good Marshall omega. But tonight, I’m just going to bury my head under a pillow and pretend I’m Vail Chance, and a million miles away from Hunter Moon Academy.

Chapter 10 summary: As the omegas leave the auditorium, Reed finds Vail and says that Penny told him that some of the other alphas were basically saying rude things about Vail’s bio parents. That he wants to make a statement by having Vail sit with him at dinner. Vail thinks about how the alphas all sit up at a fancy high table, and she’s like “No thanks.” However, Reed accepts her excuse of wanting to fit in with the other omegas, and lets it slide… for now. 

The girls go back to Jasmine’s dorm, where Vail finally asks about Mr. Wentworth. They tell her that he went back across the pond. Vail is hurt by this, and thought that he was on her side. 

They then start talking about Jasper’s new role. However, Vail is a bit out of the loop, and they have to spell out for her that Jasper killed his father. Because she straight-up doesn’t understand. But hearing what Jasper needed to do in order to try and keep Vail safe makes her feel physically ill, and she leaves to go lie down for a bit. 

She sleeps through lunch and the start of afternoon classes before she mopes around for a while. Eventually, she decides that the best course of action is to 100% avoid Jasper from here on out, and to strengthen her ties to the Marshall clan. She finds Penny on her way to dinner, and asks for help in learning what it means to be an omega. Penny gives her a huge binder, and tells her that it’s always an adjustment. But that being part of a clan is more instinct than anything. Vail says she doesn’t feel well, so she skips out on dinner. 

[astro-inky]

I posted 388 times in 2022

92 posts created (24%)

296 posts reblogged (76%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fandomfishbish

@loganelfreeces

@unfriendlyblackwitch

@retrodynamics

@pitviperofdoom

I tagged 385 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#genshin impact - 42 posts

#deltarune - 33 posts

#my art - 27 posts

#one piece - 26 posts

#mp100 - 23 posts

#undertale - 23 posts

#naruto - 22 posts

#reigensweep - 19 posts

#sanssweep - 16 posts

#kdrama - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#zhongli 'ive only known the lesser lord for about a century but if anything happens to her ill kill everyone in this room and then my self'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i cant caption this sorry :/

260 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

#4

the au i have where sakura was born in the jonin's generation that has a lot of lore and story but i only draw shitty sketches for. i'll write a story....one day...

​edit ignore the fact that i ignored narutos whiskers i drew them fast and it was a stressful day :(

See the full post

365 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

#3

i am so in love with sakura haruno. i just need yall to know it. i love her and i think every character in naruto should also be in love with her and that is why i ship every one with sakura. everyone. haruno harem.

538 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#2

mike possessing glamrock freddy (or glammike as ive seen a few times) is a real great story idea and would contrast pepaw william "i always come back" afton's little silly resurrection. also its really funny. mans looked at his shitty fucking dad hacking himself back into existence, looked at glamrock freddy, and said "cant wait to see the look on his face when we confront each other for the millionth time"

553 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

au where Gregory is a human(?) college student who is too smart for his age and has no sense of self care. he took a job as a mechanic at that new pizzaplex place for a variety of reasons and now he is forcefully shoved into a found family trope

See the full post

1,172 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[vurbubera]

What happened with i-am-a-fish? A compilation:

A lot of people are confused about what happened with Tumblr user i-am-a-fish (who I'll refer to as Fish from here on out for the sake of readability), and a lot of rumor, misinformation and hyperbole is circulating. With this post I hope to compile the claims and evidence against him, examine their validity, and hopefully bring everyone up to speed.

Let's get the main thing out of the way first:

Veggiefact is a Twitter account with over 270k followers. 

The callout post it references is this one: https://ratsofftoya.tumblr.com/post/189087352976/this-is-a-repost-since-just-making-an-addition-to. A second call-out is making the rounds too, from bubblegumlopunny, and it’s a Google doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Gv0ixX_jw9geWxFc07b9En--AGHcTqVBO1E6TLGLhHI/edit

Both callouts share about 90% of the same information. Bubblegum’s callout includes accusations of racism and lesbophobia as well, and more incendiary language and questionable charges than the Tumblr post, but in this post I’ll only focus on the accusations that Fish is a pedophile. 

The child porn accounts on Twitter

The “child porn accounts” it refers to are @krskiii, @Karbuitt and @kamawanu__. The last one is actually safe for work, provided you work at a place that’s cool with you being on Twitter, and the second-to-last one sort-of is, depending how your boss feels about suggestive pin-ups and sex jokes. 

Kamawanu posts fanart of various fandoms, but mostly fanart of Rick & Morty and Into the Spider-Verse. Kamawanu is an incest shipper, although they keep that content to a separate, adult-only and locked account. Karbuitt posts artwork of various Nintendo characters, but in particular Viridi from Kid Icarus. Neither of these accounts can be argued to be "dedicated to child porn" in any capacity.  

Although some Tumblr users would argue in earnest this is child porn as well.

Krskiii is the only account to have posted questionable content. While the vast majority of their feed is cute, safe for work anime art, they posted lolicon back in januari this year. Both callouts include a second screenshot from a tweet made in 2016 as well. 

Was this something Fish reasonably could’ve known about? According to the callout in the Google doc:

This is straight-up untrue.

Not only is it perfectly possible to follow Twitters without checking them first (and many follow-for-follow Twitters operate this way) but even if you do vet accounts, there is no archive or tags like Tumblr has to conveniently show you what kind of content you can expect. You have to manually scroll through a person’s timeline or media tab to see what they post.

You’d only see their most recent tweets, not ones they made almost a damn year ago.

Fish followed this account in a follow-spree that had him hit the follow limit for the day on November 12th, almost a whole year after it was made. Fish's claim that he didn't know about these pictures is not only perfectly believable; it’s unlikely that he would’ve even known about it unles he'd dug through this person's media tab quite far.

This is not the behaviour of someone who curated their following list and carefully vetted everyone on it. 

Was this irresponsible behaviour of him, towards both himself and his followers? Sure, you can make that argument. But it’s not evidence for anything more sinister than that.

The Pornhub joke

If you’re still on Tumblr in 2019, you were probably around for the porn purge of 2018, the one that had everyone scrambling for a new online home. With how few alternatives there are of social media sites that allow NSFW content, people started discussing, mostly as a joke, the possibility of moving to Pornhub. It was enough of a Thing that Pornhub's social media department caught wind of it.

I-am-a-fish decided to get in on the joke and created a Pornhub account and posted about “relocating” on Twitter and Tumblr:

How zany! A goldfish on a porn site!

People voiced discomfort over it, so Fish deleted the links from Tumblr and the Twitter bio, but didn't delete the tweet. The Pornhub account itself seems to have never been used.

The sex joke

Part of the callout post is the claim Fish “deliberately exposes minors to porn”, this + the Pornhub thing is what they're referring to.

At some point in late 2018 or early 2019 Fish decided this wasn't the direction he wanted to take his blog into, changed the original post, deleted the reblogs, and hasn't posted nsfw content since.

Also this happened a year ago.

The Discord server

Fish briefly ran a Discord server with a strict no-bullying policy that applied to everyone. This is not a political stance, but it was turned into one. This counts as “believing in reverse oppression”:

Most of the mods were adults, which is supposedly creepy:

One of them thought shipping characters who have been aged-up into adulthood isn't paedophilia:

Someone on the server thought “pedophilia” is a sexuality:

One thing to note here is that none of these actually involve Fish's own thoughts or actions, just those of people he's vaguely associated with (is Mother Allspite a close friend? An acquintance? Someone who volunteered to help moderate the chat?), as well as complete strangers. He's being associated with statements people have made who have no connection to him whatsoever.

Here are the claims I’ve seen making the rounds about the Discord server of which I’ve seen no evidence:

That the mods supported pedophilia

That the mods themselves were pedophiles

That pedophilia was treated as a sexuality you could tag yourself with

That the server was full of pedophiles

The claim that the server mixed minors with adults and didn’t section off nsfw content/discussion is at least a believable one, so I’m not including it here. It’s not proof of anyone being a pedophile, however. It just means the Discord server was poorly managed.

What to make of this?

There is no proof that Fish is anything worse than a young adult (despite the callout posts all making a huge deal out of him being an adult, he's still only 19 years old) who got too popular too fast and didn’t understand the responsibility that came with that. Even for his “worst” offenses there is no proof of ill intent behind them. At worst there is poor judgment, irresponsibility, and impulsiveness. There is certainly no proof that he is attracted to children, much less that he ever acted on it. 

Nevertheless,

(I have no idea where the “20+ Twitters dedicated to child porn” claim comes from and found no evidence whatsoever to support it)

[berena-cpr]

Unfinished Masterpieces - Fic Rec List

Remember the WIP on ao3 you can’t let go? The one that resonated with you? The one that you’d give anything to know how it ends?

While the Berena Creative Project Resuscitation event is all about starting to work again on projects sitting in our draft folders, life can get in the way of finishing a project for a hundred reasons.

These works, posted, but still a few chapters short of ending, are loved though and with this list we’d like to share the love for the unfinished masterpieces one can find in the Berena tag on ao3.

Given the high response we had when we asked to tell us about your favourite WIPs, you’ll find the list under the cut:

Anything Else to Declare? - LittleMissO

“I've personally had sleeping issues since I read LittleMissO's Anything Else to Declare because yeah, I'm still there, breath held and heart pounding like crazy after the most delicious slow burn, and pining, and that outrageously flirtatious conversation over a whiskey.”

that line between your heart and mine - ktlsyrtis

“it is just plain hot but also I love the idea of them writing letters to each other and I also love the exploration of what their relationship might be like with Bernie still being in the RAMC.”

you disappear like your cigarette smoke (now the taste of your kiss is all that remains) - bonnissance

“A wonderful, emotional angst filled fic, looking at how Bernie’s life might still have progressed after Serena left. I loved how it showed her testing her own boundaries to see if it was possible to find another relationship with someone else and when she found that wasn’t something she could do, she accepted it and found other ways to be happy without Serena. I reread it fairly often because although unfinished it doesn’t ever seem incomplete. But the last word “Serena” always leaves me full of a hope that I would dearly love to have fulfilled.”

Secrets in the Dark - Wonko

“I’d love to see this continued!”

For a Good Time Call - Regency

“Young Serena using that pure sex voice of hers to make a little extra as a phone sex operative, and young nervous Bernie taking the first tentative steps in exploring her sexuality. Who better than Serena to help her figure things out? The premise of the fic is ingenious, the writing amazing, the dialogue just outstanding. Hot, sexy, soft and full of compassion and feels. I would sell a kidney to read the next chapter to this – Bernie and Serena meeting years later and recognising each other’s voices.”

you're the only one I never looked for - gutsandglitter

“Never expected I'd enjoy a Baby Boom AU, but I love this fic. Serena hanging out in the country feeling extremely overwhelmed and constantly running into this weird tall, awkward woman named Bernie is a mood. I will forever hold out hope for an update so that I can someday read about them having lots of sex (after an appropriate amount of angst, miscommunication, and unexpected grocery store encounters, of course).”

Things Kayryn doesn't write - Kayryn

“So they’re not exactly unfinished, because they are complete, beautifully crafted, amazingly inventive, head canons, but they’re not completed fic’s so I’m counting them. I actually think that’s one of the lovely things about them, there’s a full story in there but enough space in them to bring your own imagination to the details. The fact that every head canon is spot on and you can completely image it happening is the icing on the cake, and the perfect characterisation is the cherry on top. Canon could have taken lessons from from Kayryn”

I Want to be Your Fantasy (Maybe You Could Be Mine) - Regency

“I just love the concept and the first chapter just pulled me in and I so very much want to know what happens next.”

Notting Hill - Bat_and_Breakfast

“All the “Rom Com idiots in love but they don’t know it miscommunication capers” re-envisaged for Berena you say? Sign me up! I love the way the plot of Notting Hill is absolutely recognisable, but never at the expense of Bernie and Serena’s characters. Everything they do, their responses, the dialogue, is so them. And the cleverly cast Holby regulars as supporting stars - genius. It’s an absolute triumph of transformative work. It’s wonderfully and engagingly written. If you’ve ever got sucked into watching “just a bit” of rom com and found you’ve just lost a couple of hours of your life - this fic does the same thing.”

Follow Me There - troiing

“Full disclosure: I’ve never watched Sanctuary and I know nothing about the characters. But this crossover fic is so good, that it doesn’t even matter.”

hold me closer (tiny dancer) - serenacampbell

“I don’t know why I’m so attached to that fic, but I am. I love the premise of a slow burn fic where the characters still get to do sexy things during the awkward slow burn oblivious period. It’s like the best of both worlds.”

Machu Pechinku - Jrnsaxa

“Forget France and Nepal, what if Serena spent her sabbatical in Peru? The setting in this is beautifully vivid, as is the the delicate ways in which Serena and Bernie start to reconnect after Elinor.”

Hello, Major - lesbianquill

“This is a near perfect Serena being fixated on Bernie in fatigues fic. The first chapter is very insightful, helping us to understand why Bernie might not be happy to accede to Serena’s small kink/obsession. That of course doesn’t last for too long because Bernie loves Serena and she loves having sex with Serena. It was offered as a smutty one shot, but then they rewarded us with an even smuttier second chapter and teased us with the news that a third chapter would be forthcoming. It never happened. Main reason for wishing it could be continued? I enjoy well-written smut.”

In the Spirit of Three Stars - alwayssomethingelse

“Bernie and Serena as Federation officers on Deep Space Nine. Oh, the potential!”

Anatomically Correct - phantomunmasked

“Bernie severely overcompensating for any possible awkwardness in their first time by ordering a mountain of sex toys is a premise that will always delight me. Every time I go back to this one, I ponder what their weekend away would bring with a big grin.”

The Clinic - RexWolfe

“Maybe it’s all the Bramwell we’ve been watching, but this one’s been on my mind lately. Can’t go wrong with a Victorian AU.”

a life in pictures - Regency

"I soooo want to see Serena maybe modelling for Bernie (or at least just how the date goes)”

working up a storm inside my head - sevtacular

“While this isn’t actually an unfinished fic in the sense of chapters missing, the prompt fic collection of Sev can always be added to as far as I’m concerned. Love what has been written so far, hope there will be new chapters with time.”

Body and Soul - ChalkHillBlue

“Possibly the weirdest AU idea ever, this body swap AU makes my brain go crazy with the possibilities every time I read it.”

When We Need One Another The Most - Whispersmummy

“I know this isn’t strictly Berena but it wouldn’t have been written if not for the Berena fandom who love most every conceivable way these two dorks might get together. Very well written (imo) and cleverly constructed fic. Lots and lots of angst and who doesn’t love angst? Only thing missing is a small amount of smut. (Yes I’m back there).”

Ring In The New - fiveroundsrapid

“Fics where Bernie comes to Holby before/during Adrienne’s illness are my kryptonite, and this one is so good!”

Holby One: A Star Wars AAU Story - elitryalittle

“Holby One is my favorite unfinished fic. It’s not just because I came to Berena via Star Wars (a bit of an unusual way, but here I am), but also because I can totally see Serena as a healer and Bernie as a Jedi knight. Kudos for their excellent knowledge of the SWU and this great idea of a crossover fic. I’d give them a limited edition “Looking for Leia” patch and a sticker if they’d finish it.”

to gaze at you, from afar (I sigh, I sigh, I sigh) - bonnissance

“The photographer/model AU you never knew you needed in your life, but you really, really do.”

Heroic Endeavor - Nicolaruth27

“I never would’ve thought I’d be down for a Greek god AU, but this fic has permanent residence in a corner of my brain. Bernie as Athena in mortal form is inspired, and the way the fic is interwoven with canon is a delight.”

what a lovely way to burn - ktlsyrtis

“I just love anything that's weaved into canon but with them being happy and dating and communicating."

Love, Unexpected - Igerna

“Bernie is still married to Marcus when she meets Serena during a conference. They immediately bond and keep in contact, sharing both professional advice and thoughts on their private lives. Love, for them, happens rather unexpectedly. I do love conference fics and slow burns - and this is a good one.”

a little less war torn - kitnkabootle

“The setup for this - in which Serena is the one who goes to help when Bernie is brought to Holby, instead of Raf - is one of my favorite ‘what ifs’ to ponder, and the writing is outstanding.”

[ofcowardiceandkings]

Zelda? I want to know what opinions you have about her since you talk lots in tags LOL

lets see if i can actually answer the questions because i have Opinions but theyre a mess LMAO

favorite thing about them

where do i start !!! hfskjfke

she's just so enthusiastic about finding out information its adorable and also a mood, but also she's DAMN SMART to match !!! she could absolutely run circles around anyone who tried to outwit her without trying i have NO DOUBT, but instead she's just out here being an information sponge, doing hooligan science experiments with frogs and digging up ancient tech to tinker with :')

shes so jfkdjfAAUGH when research happens adorable wow angel

least favorite thing about them

this is so hard lol i dont think uh ... ?? hm

EH its more of a nitpick than anything and ideally this gets fixed in BotW2 but listen, let my girl have a bow. Zeldas are archers so let her do the thing please Nintendo i know you let KT do it in AOC but can we see it in game proper too ;3;

favorite line

this was SO HARD TO PICK ... its a toss up between;

"I am not a child anymore! I may not be much use on the battlefield, but there must... there must be something I can do to help!"

.. because ouch, she tries so hard and im hurt OR

"... but courage need not be remembered, for it is never forgotten."

... hummm she knows Link would never back down aaannnd hummmmm im Hurt....

honourable mention to the exchange she has with the Great Deku Tree where the Tree tells her to keep the message to tell herself because 👀👀👀

brOTP

this is hard to pick lmao , i actually think she and Purah as Science Nightmares is truly hilarious and i love it

also let her be friens with Paya please that'd be very sweet

OTP

Link !!! Link Link Link !! always and forever but even more so than even Skyward Sword , like , This 👏 Shit 👏 Is 👏 Textual 👏

nOTP

pttthb again im a boring person so to me there is Zelink and then theres Nope SORRYYYY [flies away]

random headcanon

this is kind of random but i stand by my bizarrely specific idea that she's probably a fair bit more roughed up than the average Zelda lol.

she was probably an utter demon as a small kid and did all kinds of nonsense like bothering people while theyre working and asking too many questions and getting in places she isnt meant to be, at least while she could still get away with it - gotta have resulted in some bumps and scrapes ! after that ? science injuries !! the occasional burn, maybe a wonky finger from crush damage, scalpel accident, that kind of thing mostly on her hands and arms,, and she definitely has tool callouses on at least the sides of her fingers lets be real ...

during the Calamity she probably got a good few bumps too, theres some evidence of that in the memories its just Nintendo doesnt roll Like That lol ,, no where near as bad as Link of course , but it would have been basically impossible to come away without ANY marks at all ..

that is to say that like ... she's definitely not in any way delicate and unblemished , she's out there Doing Junk !!! she's her own person !! with actually a very strong personality !!!!

unpopular opinion

again Im New Here so i dont knowbfkejdje whats unpopular lmao .... erm i dunno ive kind of made peace with the choice of voice casting she wouldnt have been my choice but thats fine

i think what bothers me now is that like ... if you want someone to do an accent then hire someone with that accent lol .. i dunno if its just me but i can tell nearly every time if a canadian or american is cast with a british accent or visa versa looool

song i associate with them

what do i even PICK theres so many fuck uh ... ill go with my initial instinct and say Breath of Life by Florence + the Machine, partially because i discovered said song at the same time i finally got my mitts on BotW lol , but i could say the same thing for the entire Deluxe edition of Ceremonials , particularly right now Strangeness & Charm .... ughnngh just go listen to both of them now

favorite picture of them

there's a lot of good art out there with her looking epic, but this cap from Champions Ballad is sickly sweet its got a buppy in it and she's adorable and smiling i cannot not love it

.... my Angel Gorl ...........

[krabstick32]

MWAHAHA I'VE BEEN WAITING (✷‿✷) Can I ask for a Giyuu who decided he wants to try befriending the newest Pillar since she's pretty quiet (and also pretty cute UwU haha jk) but whenever he tries to come forward and talk to her she either doesn't respond or runs off looking embarrassed. Finally he asks one of the Pillars for help and they sort of break it to him that Reader just lost her voice in a battle before being a Pillar and is very shy because she doesn't know how to talk to people. Thanks!

Demon Got Your Tongue?

Requested by: @trueblueoceaneyes​​

Pairing: Giyuu x Reader  Synopsis: Giyuu wants to make a friend. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up as more.

Tags/warnings: I don’t think there are any, but reader isn’t able to talk (i’m very sorry if I wasn’t able to portray that properly!) and there are also references to the Giyuu Gaiden—but its not necessary to read that to understand this

A/N: WAAAA Thank you so much for being my first request girl!! As expected, your ideas are just *chef’s kiss* magnifique. ily, hope i did your request justice and that you like it uwu. 

I had so much fun writing Giyuu just being an awkward dork, and the bonus - especially the bonus. (also, pls excuse any mistakes, i feel like i passed over some) Anyway, please enjoy!!

edit: so i reread it, and there were some mistakes. apologies to the people who have read this prior the edit—the edits are very minor, but again, i am sorry _:(´□`」 ∠)_

Giyuu was a man who valued his silence and solitude.

From the start, he made it pretty obvious to the other Pillars that he wanted to be left alone and wanted nothing to do with them. And from that sort of attitude, they were able to conclude that while he was an amazing swordsman, he preferred to work alone, go on missions alone, and just generally be alone.

They knew next to nothing about the man, apart from his breath style and stoic personality—and he preferred it that way. Giyuu knew that getting close to others was a troublesome affair, and it always ended up in someone getting hurt. 

When he saw you though, it’s like he knew that the cold facade he put up was a lie.

Normally, Pillar meetings only happened at the end of every other month for regular reports and for the others to catch up and to exchange information. This time, however, Oyakata-sama called for them to introduce a new member that would stand among them as a new Pillar. 

Oyakata-sama introduced you as he did the others, stating your name, and your position as the Thunder Pillar, as well as telling you the names and positions of the current Pillars.

You seemed to be more on the quiet side, with only a soft, somehow strained smile painting your face set with admittedly attractive features. A young woman who was most likely around the age of nineteen or twenty, with a slightly hunched frame, and a death grip on the hem of your (f/c) haori sleeve. You seemed shy and nervous, but all of them knew that you must have possessed extraordinary skills to be able to reach the rank of a Pillar.

Giyuu stamps down an odd itch to stand and walk over to you, staying still as Oyakata-sama calls out his name for you.

Your introduction ended with a kind smile, and a question from the master. He asked if you were willing for a demonstration of your skills, to which you agree with a shy smile and a soft nod.

Unsheathing your sword, you took a deep breath—a loud whistling sound that seemingly shook the air and shocked the Pillars. For the shy woman they saw mere minutes ago to make such a loud sound with just breathing was a curious sight… but then suddenly, you were gone, only faint images of you visible all around the Ubuyashiki’s garden as you performed all six forms of the Thunder Breath.

You were quick and agile, possibly the fastest among all ten of you.

Everyone could hear the loud roll of thunder, but a quick look at the sky showed them that there was no storm—only you performing in the clearing, a dance so graceful and deadly. Despite having a hard time catching your movements, everyone was absolutely mesmerized by the sheer power you displayed, accompanied by the palpable static in the air. 

When you finished, everyone was staring with large eyes—even Giyuu was a little slack-jawed at your performance. You blushed with the weight of everyone’s stare while the master thanked you and urged you to take a seat.

You didn’t want to force your presence or insert yourself between anyone, so you resolved to take your place at the edge of the line-up. It was a tough choice though because one side had two men who seemed to scowl at the ground or at you, while the other had a man who looked impassive with blue eyes and black hair that contrasted well with his pale skin.

He seemed like he wanted to be left alone, but you’d rather sit beside him than feel the sharp glares of who you recalled were the Wind and Serpent Pillars on the other side.

Even if you made up your mind, you still flush as you kneel beside the attractive man; Giyuu wonders why his heartbeat seems to pick up.

The meeting didn’t take long, as the sole purpose of it was to introduce you and let everyone get acquainted, so Oyakata-sama ended it without any excess fanfare, taking his leave to allow the ten of you to mingle.

All of the Pillars rushed over to you, and Giyuu noticed how you jumped at their enthusiasm. There wasn’t any ill-intent—they were only eager to meet you, but you didn’t seem to be used to having eight people talk to you all at once, with how your mouth seemed to open and close like a fish.

The Water Pillar really wanted to talk to you for some odd reason, but seeing as how you already seemed extremely overwhelmed, he decided to do that later—maybe once the others let you breathe—and opted to stand by the sidelines. Not a minute later, however, three crows came flying by, one perching on his shoulders, one on Muichirou, and the other on Sanemi.

“Head to the forest by the town up… northeast!” His crow, Kanzaburo, squawked. “By the town northeast, children disappear! children disappear!”

He wasn’t able to hear what the other crows assigned to the Wind and Mist Pillars, but he was a little disappointed. He really wanted to talk to you, for a reason he could puzzle out later, but that would have to happen on another day.

He still had a job to do.

The next time Giyuu sees you is a couple of weeks later at a decently sized town.

He received notice from his crow that there was a demon trying to make this village its territory, which left him where he was now. The sun was out shining brightly, so he was using the time to gather intel by listening around for any mention of strange disappearances or odd sightings. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened to him at that town with the Matagi Hunters and Shinobu, so he stayed within hearing range, acting as inconspicuous as he could with a sword strapped to his side.

From the corner of his eye however, he catches something familiar—a trail of (h/c) hair and (f/c) haori.

Was that…?

Moving at a reasonable pace, he weaves around wandering merchants and people, slightly hoping for any other sign of you. He tried to be as polite as he could in moving around, but it seems that he already lost you once he reached the end of the crowd.

He heaves a heavy sigh after taking a seat on a bench far from the bustle, and the information, but it was about time for a break anyway.

What was it about you?

Why was he so curious to talk to you? Why was he so drawn as to chase after what he thought was you? There was something about you that made him want to get closer, to get to know you, even though he stopped himself a long time ago from forming connections to others.

Was it the strength you displayed? Was it your quiet disposition? Your pretty face?

He hoped he wasn’t as superficial to be drawn by that last one. You were pretty yes and he was willing to admit that, but he hoped that he wasn’t as shallow to want to talk to you for your looks. And yes, you were strong, but so were the other Pillars, and a lot of other demon slayers, but he didn’t feel the same pull to them as he did to you.

Giyuu throws his hands in the air. Making friends and thinking about you was making his head spin. “Focus, Giyuu.” He scolds himself and opens the wrapper of his salmon-filled rice ball.

He was about to take a bite when again, from the corner of his eye, he saw a trail of (h/c) hair and (f/c) haori. Giyuu immediately whirls his head to make sure if it was actually you and calls out before he could think about his actions. “(L/N)-san!”

When you turn around at the sound of your name, you gripped your sword in surprise only to face a pair of familiar blue eyes, and a haori split in two.

Giyuu turns back to his opened rice ball, quickly wrapping it back closed, and stands abruptly, jogging to where you were standing.

“I’m not sure if you remember but, I wasn’t able to personally introduce myself last time. My name is Giyuu Tomioka, and I’m the Water Pillar.” Giyuu wanted to give himself a pat on the back. He sounded literate.

Of course, you remember him. You kind of wanted to say that it was stupid of him to think that he was forgettable. You remember feeling a little disappointed when he left before you had a chance to talk to him. But you immediately squashed down that feeling because you could talk to him now—!

Giyuu pauses, waiting for you to reply as you seem to look for something at your side, but your eyes widen and seem to look at everywhere but him. “Is there anything wrong?” He asks and worriedly watches as your face turns into a deep red.

You raise both your hands in front of you and shake your head, even if there really was something wrong. You start to amble backward—and Giyuu couldn’t see it, but you could feel your palms and your forehead sweating bullets—an apology at the tip of your tongue, that would never be heard.

“(L/N)-san?” At the sound of his voice, you bowed deeply, almost at a ninety-degree angle from the ground. Giyuu was trying to process the reason you were bowing so deeply that he didn’t even realize that you’ve already turned around and scurried out of there.

The Water Pillar was confused out of his wits. He rubs the back of his neck, his eyes blinking and squeezing shut, before ultimately collapsing back at the bench he was sitting on. “Was it something I said?”

Maybe his habit of pushing others away was catching up to him.

The sun sets not long after Giyuu finishes his salmon rice ball.  He pushes his encounter with you at the back of his mind as he places the folded wrapper into his uniform pocket and moves towards the portion of the forest he heard townspeople gossip about. On the way, he could see that people were already closing up shops and walking hurriedly to their homes.

At the edge of the forest, Giyuu feels the tangible difference in the air and tenses up once he senses the demon. The presence felt so thick, that the raven-haired man was itching to cut the air with his Nichirin blade.

This isn’t good.

He fastens his pace and he grips his sword tighter, his heart already pounding a mile a minute despite keeping his stoic expression. It almost felt like the demon was already there at his side, surrounding him with its presence.

He stops at a clearing, a round opening with barely any moonlight seeping through, and stops when he spots his target. He unsheathes his blade and rushes in with his sword held high.

Not even a meter from the demon, he hears a growl, and a hand darts out managing to snag the exposed sleeve of the skin of his face. Immediately, he twists his body into a flip, before landing deftly on his feet, safe from a distance away. He wanted to scold himself for being caught off guard by something he should have easily sensed.

So there were tw- no, now there were three.

As he was moving into a defensive stance, he didn’t notice the two demons regroup and he sure as hell didn’t notice a third one join in.

Giyuu parries an incoming attack and dodges a cheap hit they tried to land. He sees an opening when the three try to surround him, breathing quick and deep as he jumps up and slashes one body into multiple parts.

Water Breathing Fourth Form: Striking Tide!

The head drops with a loud thump, and when two more appear in place as the severed body parts start to disintegrate, Giyuu just wants to groan out loud.

There were now four when there were previously three, and at this point, Giyuu was certain that there were more hiding in between the trees and the blind spots of his vision. He couldn’t stay on the defensive forever, and going on the offensive when there were others left too many openings for his liking.

One of the demons was about to try and swipe a hit while Giyuu was distracted with parrying. The arm was an inch away, but with the roll of thunder and a flash of lightning, the arm previously reaching for him sat torn on the ground.

You rushed into the clearing in a blazing glory once you sensed a demon on your patrol around town. In the heat of the battle, you leave your embarrassment and stand defensively against his back, and in an impulsive thought, Giyuu connects the fact that you might have been sent to the same mission he was on.

Ah, maybe that was why he saw you in town.

You were sent on the same mission; perhaps to cooperate—he did go on missions with the others Pillars at times despite wanting to work alone—but if that was the case, it didn’t explain why you ran from him earlier. Maybe you only realized it now too?

Regardless, he was incredibly grateful you arrived when you did because about fifteen more dropped into the clearing.

One ordinary demon was usually no trouble for demon slayers, but having multiple of them like this was a little trickier. They fought dirty, desperate for survival, and it was so, so easy to make mistakes in the heat of the battle—even for the higher ranked and, in extension, more experienced members of the corps like them.

Having a large group of demons like this was strange though because demons preferred to move alone or at least in smaller groups of two or three, at most six. This is probably the most Giyuu has seen in one place.

The two of you were a blur as an unspoken agreement passed. He’d deal with half, and you would deal with the other, and with that all sorted out, the fight was over in a little less than twenty or so minutes, both your swords being sheathed into its respective scabbards.

Giyuu gulps in a breath of air, his hands over his knees as he wheezes out a few words. “Thank you for the help (L/N)-san, one of them almost got me.”

Your heart beats a little faster—not from the battle but from the soft, relieved smile on Giyuu’s face. Why didn’t he smile more often? He looked absolutely beautiful.

“Oh, are you alright?” His eyes widen at the bleeding cut on your right arm. You almost wanted to laugh, because he looked much worse than you did with bleeding scratches that marred his handsome face. 

A chuckle escapes your lips and you dust off your right hand on the fabric of your uniform, reaching down the pocket of your skirt to pull out a pristine handkerchief. Gently, you press it to his bloody wound, and the warmth from his skin seeping through the fabric felt pleasant against your cool fingers.

You hold it there, discreetly checking over him for any more wounds and time seems to pass by the both of you.

Giyuu swallows nervously. His stomach was flipping around, but he was sure he had no wounds around that area. “(L/N)-san?” 

You seem to snap out of it when he calls your name, your hand flinching away from his face and the handkerchief sticking from the blood. He could see the red rush to your neck and up your cheeks, to the tips of your ears. You looked kind of cute.

He stares at you as you move forward in your odd ninety-degree angle bow, and was about to ask why you were bowing, but only realized too late what you were doing once you ran off. Again.

His old crow perches wearily on his shoulder, seeming to huff before delivering a message Giyuu had already anticipated.

“Pillar Meeting! Pillar Meeting! Arrive three hours before noon!” He was aware that the Pillar Meeting was today. The only reason he wasn’t rushing to get there was that he didn't want to arrive only for it to be canceled, or moved at another time. That would be a waste of time.

“Thank you, Kanzaburo.”

Pillar Meetings usually happened in the daytime, mostly in the morning. Sometimes it’s at high noon, or when dawn breaks, maybe even before the sun sets, but rarely at night. That was when they were on duty after all, and those only happen in the direst of situations.

He arrived just on time. The others were already gathered loosely in the line-up formation they unspokenly kept, making small talk over matters Giyuu couldn’t hear. You weren’t there though. You were most likely late, but that didn’t stop him from letting his shoulders sag in slight disappointment. He was hoping to talk to you before the meeting started.

It was just his luck that you arrived a minute before Oyakata-sama did when he was already making a move to walk over to you.

He swallows down a sigh as he kneels at his spot at the edge of the line-up between Uzui and you. Giyuu liked being at the edge or at the farthest side of any kind of gathering because it always provided him with an opening to leave when he wanted, but with your newfound presence on his left side, he finds himself not minding as much as he thought he would.

The meeting carried on as usual, almost as if you were always there in the first place. One by one, the other Pillars gave their oral reports of the past month, and when Giyuu was done relaying his information, including that mission with you, he was a little surprised when you stood from your position beside him and walked towards the master’s seat when he gave a nod with his comforting smile in your direction.

You reach in your pocket and pull out a pristine roll of paper with the barest mark of black ink bleeding through. It was tied with a red braided cord that the master pulls when you hand it to him with a respectful bow. The master asks one of his children at his side to take it and read the contents.

Giyuu was a little confused. The others didn’t seem to find it odd, he notes when he takes a quick glance at his comrades. But he wonders why you didn’t speak choosing to hand in a written report. He decides to push it out of his mind. It wasn’t his business anyway.

Everything continues on, the meeting ending not long after that. All of the Pillars stood and bowed as Oyakata-sama left with the help of his children, as per usual, but Giyuu has never felt so relieved when the meeting finished as he did now.

The others were already talking among themselves while four of them left for missions assigned directly during the meeting, leaving him, you, Gyomei, Kyojurou, Mitsuri, and Muichirou. Normally, this is where Giyuu would take his leave, with or without the excuse of a mission, but to everyone’s surprise, he stays and walks up to you.

He stops at a respectable distance from you and nods politely at your right arm. “I hope your arm is okay.”

The Pillars pretended that they weren’t listening in (though Muichirou didn’t have to because he was already busy staring at the clouds) and they were doing their best to carry on a half-hearted conversation to keep up with the guise that they were minding their own business.

Your slightly spooked expression morphs into a small smile—Giyuu couldn’t help but think that you had a lovely smile—and your mouth opens, almost on its way to producing a word towards him. He didn’t notice it, but he was leaning a little closer in anticipation of the sound of your voice.

It immediately shuts back down, however, and your cheeks flush a charming shade of red as embarrassment flits across your face. Instead of speaking, you give him a respectful nod, pointing to his bandaged face, and giving a thumbs up. Then you turn back to the others with a small wave of your hand before you’re suddenly gone, your body bowing yet again as you move incredibly fast to the garden gates.

Everyone watches the gates you pushed open swing back close with a creak that sounded all over the garden.

Giyuu wanted to slap himself.

His mind flashes back to the conversation he had with Kyojuro and Mitsuri as he was walking at a bustling street in a village on the way back to his estate. He felt incredibly stupid that he was only able to connect the dots when someone spelled it out for him.

Giyuu, Kyojurou, and Mitsuri sit around the training room of the Love Pillar’s estate.

Giyuu wandered into Mitsuri’s home after he decided to ask for advice, help, anything at all to understand what he was doing wrong. You seemed close to the pink-haired woman—you two were always beside each other before and after meetings after all—and he thought that Mitsuri was nice and cheerful, so maybe asking her for advice about you wouldn’t be so bad.

When Mitsuri opens her door, she’s shocked to see the Water Pillar standing there. “Wah! Tomioka-san!”

“Uh, hello, Kanroji-san,” Giyuu greets awkwardly. “I have a question to ask you.”

“Oh, of course, no problem, come on in! I was about to make some food for us!”

He didn’t account for the fact that Mitsuri might have company over so when he sees Kyojuro after Mitsuri leads him to her training room, it seems that he would have to settle for talking to both the Love Pillar and the Flame Pillar. Oh well, having two opinions was better than one. He hoped that saying was true.

“Oh, Tomioka! Did you come to train? Kanroji and I are just taking a break if you want to spar.” Kyojuro asks when the Water Pillar takes a seat.

“No, I… just wanted to ask for some advice.”

Mitsuri must have heard all the way from her kitchen because not a moment too soon, she barges through the door with three plates in hand piled high with food. “Advice?! Is that related to your question?” Giyuu nods and takes the plate she offered. “Well, ask away—I love these kinds of things!”

He starts by recalling the day of the mission he had with you. How he called out for you to formally introduce himself in the afternoon, how he asked if you were alright in the evening after the battle with nearly twenty demons, and how you ran away from him both times with your tail between your legs. He ends with his painfully one-sided conversation with you after the meeting a few days ago, and the ever-present question of why you keep running away. (But Mitsuri and Kyojuro already knew about that part—Tomioka speaking to anybody on his own volition was a rare sight. Of course, they listened in.)

This was the most Mitsuri and Kyojuro ever heard Giyuu speak, though and they reckon it was the most he’s ever spoken at all. But they brush that off and look at each other, deciding if they should tell him what they thought everyone already knew.

“Well, you see…” Mitsuri plays with the hem of her uniform. “Tomioka-san… (Y/N) lost her voice in a battle with a lower moon. She won and became a Pillar because of it, but…”

By the slight widening of his eyes, they were able to confirm that no, he didn’t know.

Kyojuro draws his brows together, swallowing a bite of food from the plate Mitsuri handed him. “Though, it’s odd that she keeps running away. (Y/N)’s shy—that much is obvious, but she was able to talk to us. She uses this large notepad, almost the size of my arm, but she rarely uses it because she says it’s a bother to carry around.” 

“Maybe she was embarrassed?” Mitsuri hmm’s for a moment at her mentor. She taps a finger on her chin, her head tilted slightly to the side as she suggests. But then she gasps, leaning closer to inspect Tomioka in a new light. “Or maybe she likes you! Wahh~”

“Oh gods,” he says, ignoring the last bit before dropping his head on his hands. “(L/N)-san can’t speak?”

You couldn’t talk.

He felt like the biggest asshole in the entire world and felt absolutely terrible for the many times he expected you to reply to him—that was rude and thoughtless of him. 

Ignorance would never be an excuse for his insensitivity, but It was just like him to mess up this badly the first time he genuinely wanted to talk to his peers.

Though, he could only imagine what you felt.

Banging his head on the wall sounded like a mighty fine idea, but doing that in the middle of a busy street might make people think that he was crazy. Not that he really cared for what people thought of him but that might get him tied up for prison. He still wasn’t over that mission.

On his way back to his estate, he sees a man his age gesturing in strange motions with his hands towards a kid, around eight or ten years old. He watches as the man and the kid form figures with their palms and fingers, letting them move towards their mouth, their chest, parts around their faces, in turns. The Water Pillar has seen it before, but only now, with the revelation he just had an hour prior, did he ever question it. What were they doing with his hands? It’s almost as if they were…

“You need something, Boy?” A lady behind him speaks.

The raven-haired man jolts in surprise, and the voice laughs. He didn’t notice that he was staring, nor blocking the entrance of a shop.

Giyuu turns to find a kind-looking elderly woman, leaning over the stall of her shop watching the kid interact with the man who he presumed was a relative.

“Ah no, I’m sorry.”

She waves off his apology and grins when she notices that she got the attention of the fine-looking young man standing in front of her shop. “It’s amazing, huh? Talking with the use of hands. Pretty useful if I do say so myself.”

Getting out of the way and moving to a polite distance, closer to the shop, Giyuu asks politely, “What are they doing exactly?”

“You must be new around here huh? Explains why I’ve never seen that face.” No, he just didn’t leave in the day that often, even if the village was right down the hill of his estate. “They’re talking, I reckon—‘bout what can’t say for sure. I’ve only caught a few gestures when that little boy drops by.”

“Oh.”

“It’s a shame though, his brother—the young man—can’t speak, but on the bright side, they can communicate at least. Those fancy gestures they’re doing are pretty fascinating, you’d have to admit.” Both of them turn back to the kid and his brother.

“It is.” Giyuu agrees because it is amazing. Talking without the use of voices, only with the use of movements. There was something elegant about the way their hands would move around, how the expressions on their faces seemed to also be included in how they communicated. He found it absolutely mind-blowing that the way they gesture around carries an entire language.

When he turns back to the old woman, only then did he notice her wares and the items on display around the shelves. Maybe he could make it up to you.

“Is this for sale?” He asks, and the woman laughs loudly.

“Of course it is Boy, this is a shop after all.” She ushers him further into her store. She knows that look on his face, and old women like her were always eager to help a young man in love treat his lady right.

You were training in the courtyard of your estate when a loud knock stops you from swinging.

The training sword in your grasp drops unceremoniously as you grab the small towel on your engawa, wiping at your face. You would normally shout that you were going to get the door but there was the issue of your voice, and the Thunder estate was too big…

You try to drown out your negativity by rushing to the door before your visitor left. The door swishes open, and to your complete and utter embarrassment, the Water Pillar was there.

Oh Gods, was he here to call you a total dunce for running away from him?

“Ah, (L/N)-san, sorry to barge in on you but I wanted to a —um… t-talk? Just for a bit. It’ll be quick, I promise.” He sounds nervous—even if his face was still a little blank—but you give him a nod, and timidly move aside to let him in. He says a quick thank you before setting his zori to the side of your entrance.

As you lead him to your engawa, you could feel your nerves start to fray and short-circuit. You gesture for him to take a seat while you point to your home, wordlessly telling him to wait.

When you come back from the kitchen with a tray of tea, you hand him a cup before taking a seat a few feet away from him. You faintly hear his sharp inhale before he turns to you and speaks. “Um, I’m really sorry if I offended you on our past encounters. I didn’t know that you couldn’t… couldn’t speak.”

You were relieved that he didn’t seem to be here to call you out, but you were quick to move and shake your head and your hands from side to side. No, it’s not your fault! you would have said, but you hoped that your actions were enough to speak for you.

“No, it is, I’m really sorry. It was rude and inconsiderate of me, and I hope you could forgive me.” He bows a little, and you were starting to get a little flustered. “I know it’s not much, but I hope you’ll take these as a token of my apology.”

You watch as he fumbles with his pocket, and brings out a nicely wrapped paper bag. Gingerly, you take it when he offers it to you, and wordlessly ask if you could open it.

He nods and you peek into the contents. Inside was a stack of small paper bound together by string and designed with fabric the same pattern as your haori, and a small metal pen set with simple but delicate carvings.

“It’s a small notebook and a fountain pen,” Giyuu explains, rubbing the nape of his neck with his hand. He could feel the skin burning along with his ears. “It’s small enough to put in the pocket of our uniform, so you could bring it around. I thought that you could use it to talk with others, but in hindsight, maybe you already have one of those. You don’t have to use it of course, but it would be nice if you did, but you don’t have to feel obligated to or—!”

A small giggle escapes your lips, and you flip open the pretty notebook he gave you and uncapped the pen, writing down words in your neat script. You show what you’ve written to him, a pink blush coloring your cheeks.

[Thank you, I love it! This is so much easier to bring than a large notepad and a bulky bottle of ink. I’ll be sure to bring it with me always!]

The Water Pillar lets out a breath he didn’t know he’s been holding and his face unconsciously morphs into a small smile, warming his cold facade by a mile. “I’m glad. I could bring you there if you run out of pages. If you’d like.”

The blush deepens as you turn back to the notebook.

[I would like that.]

BONUS:

The Pillars were no longer surprised when you and Tomioka entered the Ubuyashiki’s garden together. It’s been like that for the past couple of meetings, and finally, they were able to get used to the cold, stoic, normally silent Giyuu Tomioka talking to the warm, shy, and more social (Y/N) (L/N). Everyone found it ironic though that the Thunder Pillar who could no longer speak was more talkative than the Water Pillar who could.

These past few meetings have also been different than the first two you participated in. You were more open and seemed to be smiling more. You even showed them the thoughtful gifts Giyuu gave you—though that was more of an accident than anything.

“Oh, (F/N)-chan!” Mitsuri squeals when you habitually pull out the notebook and the pen from your pocket to answer a question Uzui asked you. You were used to using the notebook to talk with others now. “That’s a really pretty notebook! Where did you buy it?”

The answer you were in the middle of writing sits unfinished as you move to answer Mitsuri’s question first.

[Ah, I didn’t get it, Giyuu gave it to me.]

Everyone was paying attention to your little notebook — it was actually really nice of them to be paying such close attention to your words when you couldn’t speak — and their eyes seemed to bug out of their sockets when they read the name ‘Giyuu’.

The Pillars’ heads immediately dart over to the man in question, and Giyuu immediately turns his face to the side, pretending like he wasn’t embarrassed. He wasn’t fooling anyone, with how red his ears appear to be.

Mitsuri inwardly screeches at the Water Pillar’s expression (but Obanai seems to have noticed anyway). She couldn’t keep it in though when she and the others turned back to you, your cheeks painted a charming shade of red.

When you arrived early or had no mission after a meeting, you would even show them a few signs from the new language you’ve been learning. Japanese Sign Language, as you and Giyuu would call it. Sometimes, he would join in if there was one you forgot.

“That’s interesting,” Muichiro says, actually looking at you instead of the clouds.

”I never knew you could talk with your hands!” Kyoujuro looks down at his hands, as he repeats one of the signals you just taught them. “It’s spectacular!”

“Yes, it is.” Shinobu agrees, an idea forming in her head—maybe she could suggest sign language to some of her patients who lost the ability to speak. “You should teach us any more you learn (F/N)-chan. It would be nice if we could talk that way, and I could teach some of my patients too!”

You would pull out your notebook though when you didn’t know how to sign what you had to say.

[It’s all thanks to Giyuu! When we’re both free, we go down together to the village close to his estate and learn from one of the people there. Oh, that’s also the village where he got this notebook for me!]

That was news to them. First, the gift, and now the two of you were together even in your spare time? Though, they had to admit that it was incredibly sweet of him to accompany and learn along with you, even if he didn’t have to. And they also found it cute when he would unconsciously turn to you, touching you gently, and moving your hands to the proper position. But Obanai and Sanemi would never admit that. They would rather fight an upper moon.

Occasionally after meetings, they would spot the two of you standing off to the side. Both of your hands would be moving around, a little too fast for them at times to really analyze what you two were talking about, but there were moments—and Mitsuri would swear on her life with this—where those hands didn’t move.

They would only hold onto each other, calloused thumbs brushing past each other’s knuckles. It was like the two of you were absorbed in your own world.

There was even this one time when she thought she saw Giyuu kiss your forehead. (Later on, you two would explain that you thought no one was looking. You were hiding behind your notebook in embarrassment, while Giyuu’s face was flushed— as red as an apple).

Nobody knew this (well maybe you did — you had a knack for being able to understand Giyuu, with or without the help of signing or speaking), but Giyuu craved for interactions, even if he was successful in making others believe he didn’t. He was glad you saw through him though, and you were glad he let you into his world.

But no, what got their attention wasn't the two of you walking in together, it was your hands—your hands that used to be a few feet apart in constant movement were now all joined and tangled fingers. And what’s more, was that Tomioka was smiling. It was probably at something you said, nothing new, but a closer look told them that he was smiling, because you were holding his hand.

The meeting started later than usual. Not even Oyakata-sama’s presence was enough to stop the questions his cute little swordsmen have been dying to ask the two of you for months.

It was further pushed when Mitsuri screamed looking away from the huddle she and the other pillars were in, pointing to you who just pulled away from kissing Giyuu’s cheek (you two thought you were being discreet). “See? I’m right, now pay up people! And stop calling me crazy!“ 

She was 5,000 yen richer by the time the meeting started, and she fully intended to spend it on sakura mochi.

A/N:  Even if it was in the tags and the ask, I tried to reveal that bit of info as giyuu discovered it, so I hope some of you were still surprised (even just a little!!) when it was revealed that Reader couldn’t talk. Again, I hope you enjoyed, and thank you to @trueblueoceaneyes for the request uwu (requests are still open!!)

[taeyohonic]

stolen dances | chap. V

summary: sometimes supporting the person you love is the hardest challenge you’ll ever face.

pairing: jeon jungkook x fem!reader

rating: m

warning: one/two swear words

additional tags: f2l, ceo!jungkook, bestfriend!jungkook, shrink!yoongi, my best friend’s wedding meets 27 dresses (if the boss/secretary couple had happened), angst-y

words: 1500

links: prev. | next

note: lower case letters intended

chapter summary: a muffin never tasted so bittersweet

can you believe it’s been three years? i miss you army

you can’t help the bittersweet memories flooding your mind at jungkook’s tweet. it’s been such a long time since bangtan stood in front of their fans – performing their music to the people who adored them with all their hearts.

you, yourself, were part of this crowd, more times than your bank account wishes to remember. their stage presence was so enticing, so alluring, you could not not fall in love with them.

jungkook shared some pictures in his tweet, old photos of jin and him demolishing a plate of deep-dish pizza in chicago, of jimin and taehyung posing in front of their pop up store in seoul, and one with all four of them bowing to the crowd in tokyo dome.

there is a smile on your face – not because you think about their shared journey, but because your best friend chose photos of events that you attended. sure, you hadn’t known them back then. but it can’t be a coincident that you have similar pictures – granted from another perspective – on your own camera roll. it makes you miss him.

“what’s going on?”, yoongi asks as he slides your coffee across the table. your starbucks is full of people, but namjoon, yoongi’s dear friend, works here. so, there is always a spot cleared for you. you don’t mind the special treatment as you sip your white mocca.

“just thinking”, you mumble, warmed by the caffeine.

“that can’t be good”, he says and sips his iced americano. he looks as tired as you feel. yoongi is recording his second mixtape right now. so, after he finishes his work talking to people about their problems, he starts rewriting, taping, recording, mixing and editing. no wonder he looks like death.

“i have you know that i’m actually thinking 67 percent of the day.”

“that can’t be good as well, ______. please use your brain more often – it might evolve with training.”

you gap at his audacity. “you do know i’m not paying you to talk me down, right?”

yoongi’s eyes smile while his lips are still half asleep. “you’re not paying me right now, _____. we are just friends meeting up for coffee before we have to… be a part of the working class.”

“i still can’t believe i get to see beautiful, brilliant, boisterous butterflies”, you say. your friend answers with an unattractive snort as his hands move into his thick, bleached hair.

“and i can’t believe you’re getting paid to watch bonkers, brackish, boring butterflies.”

you look away as you see his biceps flex. when did get this muscular? it takes a second for you to register his insult. maybe you need another coffee before leaving.

“i do have to care about my class as well, yoongi. it’s not all sunshine and butterflies. it’s also children’s snot and education.” still, you’re not making eye contact. if this was a therapy session, he’d ask for you to look at him, to ask why you’re feeling uncomfortable. but here, you are… just his friend.

“your work is important, _____, i know”, yoongi answers honestly. he knows how much you love these animals and children. and it is a big deal that seoul’s butterfly exhibition opens up just for your excursion. it makes him happy to see you this excited.

“and because i know that, i’ll remind you that you had to leave three minutes ago.” what? your eyes rush to your watch, only to widen in surprise.

“damn it, namjoon”, you mutter. your barista friend did take a long time with your order.

“don’t blame joon, _____. we were the ones who missed the train”, your friend reminds you as you put on your jacket in a rush.

“less correcting me, more helping me, yoongi”, you shush at him and make a motion to your heavy bag right next to his chair. “come on.”

yoongi doesn’t know why he agreed to help you carry all the lunch packs to school, he really doesn’t. nevertheless, he gets up and slings the heavy bag onto his shoulder and grabs his half-finished drink.

“let’s go – teacher of the year.”

**

the exhibition is amazing. you feel true bliss walking around the nature themed rooms, all home to one of the most rare, beautiful creatures. the kids hang on their tour guide’s lips as she tells them interesting facts about butterflies.

your phone is a constant companion – the camera roll now filled with funny pictures for the moms and dads to enjoy at the next parent-teacher conference. there are even a few photos of just you with a pink butterfly resting on your shoulder. jisoo, your coworker, is an amateur instagrammer, so the results of her taking your pictures are… really flattering.

now, the kids enjoy their break before you guys leave to drive back to school.

“really, you amaze me, ___”, your coworker says as she sits next to you on the bench – eyes trained on your students chasing around the butterflies.

“why?”, you ask, your attention monopolized by the two boys in a heated exchange over their shared butterfly net.

“getting the exhibition to open up just for our class? after hours? without additional fees?”

you flinch at her words as your heartbeat quickens. “wha- what? jisoo? i-“, you start to stutter, “i thought… you organized that.”

there is a fruit basket waiting on her desk with a thank you note for all her planning. now jisoo, too, looks uncomfortable.

“i didn’t”, she says.

**

it takes you a long time before you reach out. the whole train ride was spent with a pro and contra list on your ipad. then, while you were making yourself a two-person bowl of ramen, you crafted more than one email, only to delete every attempt. you haven’t talked to jungkook for more than five days. that’s the longest period the two of you ever went without seeing each other.

there is still a tightness in your chest when you think about his insult that night on the terrace. at first, you weren’t sure if jungkook realized that he hurt you – admittedly you aren’t the best with communicating your feelings. but your cold responses to his texts the next day must have been enough of a red flag for him to act.

then came the gifts: a triple chocolate muffin, still warm, delivered to your home before you had to leave on monday.

on tuesday, there was a singed copy of the unreleased album from one of your favorite kpop groups.

the next day, there was a poem collection where he scribbled in some commentary. you nearly teared up at that because this used to be your ritual when you first got to know each other: lending books with marked and commented pages for the other to enjoy.

on thursday he was strangely silent – only a single daisy decorated your briefcase.

but now, on friday, he went out of his way to get your class into this exhibition. you don’t even want to think about what that must have cost him.

there is an uneasiness in your fingertips as you dial his number. for one fleeting moment you want to call your therapist instead. but you can’t… because you may have left your whole “cold-shoulder-to-jungkook”-move out of the last session. and you really can’t take yoongi’s probing right now.

he answers after seven rings, breathlessly happy.

“______”

you smile and it’s not uncomfortable.

“jungkook… you didn’t have to”, you greet him and can’t help the endearment in your voice. he picks up on that and chuckles.

“of course, i didn’t… i wanted to.”

“thank you”, you answer, “it was really the highlight of my week.”

you can hear his cockiness at your words. “better than stray kids’ new album?”

“better than your thoughts on contemporary poems”, you counter teasingly. then, there is a beat of silence.

“______”, jungkook begins, “i… i really didn’t want you to think i’m not … or that i wouldn’t… do anything for you. you mean so much to me… it’s a shame i have to prove it to you… it should be… obvious.”

you suck in air as if your life depends on it. his words warm your heart and his awkwardness makes you smile.

“i get that i wasn’t the best of friends… but i’ll improve – trust me!”, jungkook vows with fire in his voice. “the winter collection has been kicking my ass… my family has been nagging about christmas… and the wedding…”

there is a beat of silence you do not dare to interrupt. this is his moment, not your responsibility.

jungkook collects himself fast and continues. “i know how much you’ve done for this wedding, for me… for us… and i want to be more involved… i’ll be by your side for all of next week’s appointments. ms yang already cleared my schedule.”

jungkook wants… to be by your side when you talk to the dj? the cake decorator? when you finalize the seating chart? dear lord.

“let’s spend some quality time together, ____. just you and me… and the wedding.”

you cannot find the right responds as you gap silently into your phone. after a moment, another voice is heard through the speaker.

“ask her if she liked the muffin i baked her.” his fiancée’s words punch you in the gut without ill-intent.

___

hi guys! I hope you are doing well! i had to take my first covid test this week – it was negative but that’s an experience for itself, right? i hope you are healthy and you enjoyed this chapter. i’d really love to hear your thoughts! next up: junkook and the reader tackling some of the wedding preparation… love, dana

taglist: @livewittykid​  @thequeen-kat​ @kagami-s-void​ @goldenclosethobi​ @youwannabelostandnotbefound​ @jinsalpaca​ @bishuthot​ @laabellaavitaa21​ @baekstans​  @jalexad​

[shhh-no-ones-home]

cake walk bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

Inspo can be found here, i really liked the idea and kinda ran with it lol

sorry ive been away for a while. ive been in a shit mindset but things around me are changing again and im hoping for the better. im away from home this week and figured id finally finish this, as well as restart the marvel shows on netflix so expect some new daredevil and punisher one shots in the near future 😁

also this is like half edited so if it sucks or i forgot to fix anything sorry

Song: soft by motionless in white

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

Bucky had been super tired lately. He had been having nightmares here and there and though he hadn't had one in a while he was still worried he'd hurt me in his sleep. So he was currently taking a nap in our shared room at the compound. We were only here for a few days to train new recruits and then we would all be back to our own homes. Me and buck, Sam, Clint, even Scott showed up. But then again he was always excited to be part of the team. Now I was in the kitchen like I usually was, stress-baking. But just to be safe, and per his request, I had a camera on buck while he slept to make sure he was still okay and I could rush to our room if he needed me.

So I stood at the island, gathering ingredients and singing softly to myself. not unusual for me to do, it was a good distraction after all and everyone else loved it because it made the place smell great. that and they all loved the many cakes, cookies, muffins, breads, and other baked goods I decided to make. a lovely thought really, one that brought a smile to my face as I began measuring out the dry ingredients. when I turned to look at the monitor though Bucky was gone, making me set the flour back onto the counter. Panic set in immediately. I tapped the screen twice, hitting the tracking cam on his watch and the footage coming up. I sighed deeply as I saw the blurry side video of Bucky murder-stomping his way through the halls. I tapped my own watch quickly.

"attention we have a 'wolf out of containment.' if you see him direct him to the kitchen but do not engage. If you wake him he'll hurt himself."

I said into it, rolling my eyes at the code name, and looking back to the monitor in worry. I heard my voice echo off the walls as he stepped towards the sound. One of the agents was walking down the hall and paused when he saw Bucky, rage behind his eyes as he got closer. Now Bucky was holding him harshly in his metal hand.

"Where is she?"

He said through gritted teeth and i could see both of their faces in the view on my watch.

"Kitchen. Down the hall to the left."

The agent squeaked out. Bucky threw him to the ground quickly before making his way down the hall. I double tapped the monitor again as he turned into the room. There was an intensity and pain strewn across his features as he made his way to me. whatever nightmare this was it had a full hold of him. he had been sleep walking a lot recently but it had never gotten this bad. but he knew what to do, even unconscious. Before he even made it to the table across the room Sam was rushing in behind hi, coming to a screeching halt when he realized what was happening to his best friend.

"I heard the code. Is everything okay?"

He asked and Bucky turned around, throwing a punch his way and him ducking. he made a scared face as he stood back up ready to fight.

"At ease soldier!"

I yelled and Bucky froze, mid motion as he began to throw another. He looked over his shoulder at me, seething, breathing heavy, eyes glazed over.

"Come here."

I said softly. He sent Sam a glare before doing as told, backing his way to the counter where i was standing. he never once stopped looking at Sam, or the other few agents that came rushing in with guns. that definitely didn't help.

"do you need help?"

one of them asked, looking between me and Bucky as he plucked a knife out of the wood block on the counter, holding it in a defensive position as he stood in front of me.

"no, I don't need help. Sam and I can take care of this."

i said matter-of-factly, the agent speaking into their watch and all three of them lowering their guns.

"just leave us be. everything is fine. if i need anything ill call."

they all nodded hesitantly, looking to Sam briefly before leaving. i sighed out when they were finally out of sight, side stepping buck and going back to measuring my sugar and vanilla.

"He sleep walking again?"

Sam asked quietly, stepping very slowly around the table and I nodded, moving to put mix my dry ingredients together. Bucky stood next to me, fist clenched tight around the knife as he watched Sam's every move with vigorous intent. I pulled one of the stools out from under the counter before grabbing a spoon and mixing the wet and dry ingredients together to make the cookie dough.

"Sit."

I offered buck and he sent me a confused looked. I glared at him and he did as told.

"Sam you mind setting a timer on that pad for twelve minutes?"

He nodded and did as told, stepping closer but not close enough for buck to do anything about it. they stared at each other as I molded the dough into balls on a tray.

"has this been happening a lot recently?"

Sam asked and i nodded, pushing the chocolate chips off the ends of my fingers.

"it hasn't been full mission before, and this one is lasting much longer."

i noted, washing my hands in the sink to the right of the counter.

"how do you know what to do?"

i let out a nervous laugh, tucking the tray of cookies into the hot oven behind me.

"in all actuality, I don't. I'm just hoping that the things I've tried before work. "

Bucky looked between me and Sam as I stood back up, drying my hands on the towel and moving to touch his cheek gently. he flinched for a second, staring at me as i tucked his hair behind his ear.

"its okay soldat. you can relax, he's not going to hurt me. he's my friend."

i said very softly, looking over his eyes as he turned back to Sam.

"put the knife down."

i said just above a whisper, moving to stand behind him. i began slowly running my fingers through his hair. he still held the knife tightly as i started to hum along to one of his favorite songs from his childhood. he had shared it with me sometime after we had moved in together. it had been my savior more than once.

"does that work?"

Sam asked and i sent him a look, trying to get Bucky to lean back into my chest. he kept jolting himself back up, fighting the urge to close his eyes. as I got to the end of the song though he had his head completely rested against me, body limp, and knife clattering to the rug beneath us. he had fallen back into a deep sleep, snoring softly as I continued to finger comb his hair.

"yes Samuel, it works."

i said, and then the timer went off. Bucky jolted upright, the stool shaking as i leaned forward and caught him before he fell off. I held his shoulders as he breathed heavily, looking around in deep confusion.

"Sam?"

he asked before looking back at me and drawing his brows.

"hey baby, its okay. I'm sorry we woke you."

he turned to me and took my hand.

"y/n, why am I in the kitchen?"

i let out a nervous laugh, letting him go and getting my cookies out of the oven.

"you were sleep walking again."

he groaned, standing up and freezing when he looked down.

"I didn't hurt anyone... did I?"

he said horrified as he picked the knife up. i shook my head frantically, taking it from him and putting it back in the block.

"no! no no no. baby you did not."

i said quickly through one breath, placing my hands on either side of his face. he looked like he was going to cry.

"hey, no, look at me. James. you didn't hurt anybody. I dropped the knife in surprise when you came in here. it had nothing to do with you."

Sam sent me a sad look as i tried to calm Bucky down.

"you're sure?"

he asked pained and i pulled him into a tight hug, cradling his head in my hand and mouthing to Sam to not say anything.

"yes Jamie I am sure. you are perfectly fine. scared the shit out of some agents. but no more."

he took in a shaky breath.

"i scared you."

he repeated just above a whisper and i pulled him away from me, holding his head in my hands and looking between his eyes.

"you just caught me by surprise, nothing we haven't been through before."

he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. i kissed his forehead gently.

"hey, now that you're awake, you want a cookie?"

i asked and he looked up at me, offering a small smile.

"uh, yeah, id love one."

i nodded once before turning and carefully taking one off the tray and placing it on one of the dry paper towels sat on the counter in front of him.

"made especially for my buckaroo."

i said and he laughed lightly before taking a bite. he was none the wiser and Sam sent me a testing look.

"Sam?"

i asked, holding one out to him and he took it begrudgingly. i went back to finger combing Bucky's hair as he snatched another. sending me a genuine smile as he chewed. i shared another knowing glance with Sam before he pulled another bar stool out and sat across from us.

"these are pretty good y/n, wish we could share with more of the guys here."

he said and i sent him a look.

"well i guess we'll just have to save them some for later. I'm sure they're all very busy right now with other important things."

i said a little condescendingly and he shook his head.

"so uh, i don't know what's happening but if i sit here any longer there wont be any left for anyone else. what do you say we go for a walk or something?"

Bucky said with a smile and i nodded, smiling back.

"i think that's a great idea. Sam?"

he looked from Bucky to me and to the tray.

"uh you guys go ahead. ill make sure these get to the guys, and that the recipe doesn't make its way into their daily reports."

i took Bucky's hand as he stood and nodded once at Sam in understanding. he was going to make sure no one got word of Bucky's incident, just in case. he was getting better after all.

"thanks Sam, it means a lot. come on buck, lets get some air."