#im 99% sure even my friends are
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yknow i really hoped id bounce back quicker
#its almost been a week and i havent recovered#so im just a mess and failure out and about for everyone to see and laugh at behind my back#i havent had time to process anything i hsvent had time to recover. but who gives a shit genuiely#i should be doing better#but im barely holding it together#im barely keeping myself alive and functioning. i barely get up and barely eat. im behind on everything uni-related.#and everyone sees it everyone sees me failing at getting uni work done in time and theyre mocking and judging me behind my back#im 99% sure even my friends are#bc im not just gonna go around telling everyone like 'hey i attempted sui last week im not holding it together very well'#thatd be even worse. theyd hate me for seeking sympathy/attention.#but since noone knows they just think im lazy and stupid#and i cant fucking do this anymore i feel like im falling apart#vent#personal#suicide mention#sorry for vent on main again#im home alone for the past few (and next) days and its making me hold it together even worse
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...Listen, I am not saying I could fix him, but I could have an angry hateful makeout session with him right then and there, and isn't that even better, honestly.
#he is so fucking annoying i want him so bad#i am also like 99% sure they are setting him up to be a hunter#which would make their whole friends to enemies to maybe lovers situationship even worse (better)#im so sorry lol#in my defence i never claimed to have good taste#playchoices#choices alpha#markus barnes#bitch plays
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im never living in a roommate situation in which we all are forced to contribute to groceries n household items…. i live w my sister n i still buy all my own groceries and ill buy cleaning supplies bc im the one who cleans… if i was living w strangers and they forced me to cook meals with them and throw money around for things i dont use id get a mini fridge n put a lock on my door. dont trick me into an apartment commune i am not nice.
#even if i lived with a friend we would cook together im sure but ill do my own thing 99% of the time#im reading roommate stories n being flabbergasted anyone would agree to this#stop trying to do a found family trope irl LOL just be urself ❤️#i dont even like watching movies with ppl get out of my house !!!
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how did I know I would see this exact take eventually
#HE LITERALLY KILLED HIS BEST FRIEND?????????? and im like. 99% sure she figured it out??????#uhm actually she made him evil by not staying with him after he killed his best friend out of self interest 🤓#she should be grateful he saved her life! how dare you leave someone dangerous even though you love them!#ohhhhhh my god#im gonna lose it#i was scrolling thru the tag out of curiosity of other people's thoughts and while there are some genuinely good takes and great art#there is. about the amount of woobifying snow as i expected#lotssssss of x readers and lotsssss of posts sympathizing with him 💀#hunger games spoilers
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hypomanic and railed some adderall to get my school work done and had my 2 daily energy drinks like an hour ago so apologies. about how annoying i will be.
#i will describe myself as hypomanic but am VERY hesitant to say i have bipolar disorder.#even though i have been told to go on mood stabilizers and have had it confirmed that i deal with hypomanic episodes.#everyone ik says i probably just have bpd and im inclined to believe that based on the way i like. am#but bpd euphoria doesn't last like 4 days - a week afaik. and i am like 99% sure ive had a full blown or like.#riding the line yk. manic episode. but my therapist just told me i need mood stabilizers and didnt confirm LOL#also i don't have a favorite person rn and feel weirdly stable outside of occasional getting ignored and going crazy#but like i have good friends now and shit. so. yeah. LMAO.
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boss just sat me down and basically asked what's wrong with me again
#i went home sick last friday and i guess someone said i did something wrong at work#when im 99% sure i didn't??#anyway. they also think I've been quieter lately#i feel bad. im mad because of the whole situation with my shitty coworker#but my boss slipped up and said 'we're friends - well. sorry. we're not /friends/ I'm your boss but -'#so clearly he views me as a friend but is trying to set professional boundaries#I just feel guilty#i don't even know why this is getting to me so much#i guess it feels like someone just listed off all of the things I'm doing wrong and pointed them out to me#and that paired with the fact that I was caught off guard by it#i hate being caught off guard#idk#anyway the apartment cat came over to hang out for a bit but she was distant#so the perceived rejection really hit me#i swear to god i don't realise how insane i am til i write all this out#anyway. i don't have any drugs left other than some random opioids#which is basically russian roulette#in terms of dosage because they're all wildly different#so I'll probably stay sober tonight#which is for the best :/#if I want to wake up on time to work tomorrow#it's not even anything. im mostly just trying to avoid my creepy shitty coworker#but i can't say that! so i guess everyone just thinks i hate them noe#now*#and they probably all secretly hate me#since he said that a few people have mentioned that I've been quieter lately#so I'm not even doing a good job putting up my ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ facade#which is like. my only skill and asset#anyway. time to think about dying and never eat again ig#mine
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Is the new tokyo rev chapter a cop out? Yeah pretty much. Do i care? Only a little, im just happy to see my favorite boys alive :')
#tokyo revengers#tr spoilers#tokyo revengers spoilers#specifically i mean chifuyu#thats my boy#and even tho they had to skip like years of watching them grow toman#im sure they still went through a lot of struggles together that shape them into the characters we knew during the main storyline#also i like to imagine a second timeline thats still ongoing where takemichi really died#that way i get a happy and angst ending#also thats like def draken and emmas wedding#im like 99 percent sure#i hope chifuyu is still great friends with takemitchi and baji#i hope he became friends with kazutora too#tbh i kinda hope takemichy isnt dating hina but because shes friends with emma she will show up at the wedding#then her and takemichi can date as adults#maybe get some wingman kisaki action lol#also i wonder if naoto is still a cop#and where are the mizo middle boys?#akkun better make one last appearance
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i should do the fake it til you made it method more like
#ive been reading my old messages to a friend and like#i get why they told me i was annoying now damn i spammed so many messages im charles boyle holy shit#but also like#i didnt backtrack as much and went off whenever about whatever i liked and that looks freeing as hell#i thought ive been the silent and then 99+ messages person recently but no its been since i hd my first phone#but now even when im silent and back its because ive got a reminder somewhere whilst before it was just oh i want to hangout so ill be 100%#the whole time were together and then ill crawl back into my hole until next spring#now i muster up 40-60% and sprint to hangout but like after half of the time im tired and already mentally checked out#get that confidence back you!! -> to hoodie#screw being scared and terrified all the time no youre gonna be sure to explode#personal#ranbles#hoodie’s rambles#vent#?
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Okay so i havent completely come to terms with it yet but WE WON THE HP CODEWARS (a coding competition in teams) AND WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO HOUSTON TO COMPETE IN NEXT YEAR'S COMPETITION WHAT
#what what what#what the fuck#(only adding the pic of me alone bc im too lazy to ask my friends for permission lol)#no but really what#like we knew we had options to make podium but no way we were going to win#we didnt even rlly believe we would actually make podium before starting bc there were some rlly good teams#(we kinda know everyone good so that was easy to spot)#and then after the competition we were like huh we did pretty badly we think#then we thought again and compared with last year and we said huh maybe not suuuuper bad but not rlly good either#(last year it was online and you could have a computer per person but this year it was only one so it was rlly different)#amd then we talked with the ppl that we knew and we were like huh were the best so far#then they talked to like everyone good bc they literally know everyone and they were like congraats youre 99% sure winning#and we were like naaaaah impossible you probably missed someone or smth theres no way#like we were pretty sure we were gonna be making podium by then but we somehow didnt even fully believe it#and then at the awards ceremony they gave the first girl team prize to someone else with less points and we were like aaaaa we made podium#and then they announced the third position we literally screamed bc since we knew ppls points we knew it meant we were first#i almost cried istg#like being 2nd or 3rd or 4th or first girl is like yeah im good but im not the best but like being THE best? being first is scary#it feels fake and confusing but also im so happy and i dont know how to express it aaaaaa its so weird#and the fact that were going to HOUSTON next year? what the actual fuuuck feels impossible#like were going to go there? a prize that is only for the first group? rlly? just like that?? whaaaat#also now hp has our data (we obv gave it to them) and they will likely be happy to accept us to work and/or get internships there so yayyy#but im still not over any of this it rlly feels fake like what the fuck one of the important hp research facilities asked for MY email??#what the fuuuuuuuck#also unrelated but they just had a paper mache how to train your dragon dragon just there in the corner of a football field like whaat#(a dragon that was bigger than us not some cute little figure eeh)#mine#life#codewars
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I've had a huge burnout for replying and texting generally since .. 2021 and it still hasn't gone away. damn
#ill literally want to talk with someone but then i Wont#like yay reply from bestie :3 ( doesnt reply for a week )#i may be. an asshole#idk 99% of all my friendships ever were just me being a scapegoat and comfort person so i just. tired#w my irl clasmates j know that im on a different wavelength entirely and even if someone's similar to me im sure#she has better more relatable friends to talk with#easier friends bc talking w me is a pain#and with online its ...😔😔😔#idk methinks i shouldnt communicate w others actually im closer to an alien
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this is fucked up i might actually have a crush on one of my friends this is fucked up and i hate you brain
#>:[#I JUST WANT FRIENDS NOT A RELATIONSHIP#not like i have a chance#and thats not even me being self loathing and all that. like. im like 99% sure there is no way he likes me.#and also im pretty sure he likes this goth chick from one of his classes#i think#ANYWAYS I JUST WANT TO SEE MY FRIENDS AND HAVE ONE HANGOUT WHERE IM NOT CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT HIS STUPID FACE#also i dont know how to act in relationships so not good for anybody#only been in two and somehow failed each time
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i found a picture of star in my camera roll and decided to draw it because why not
hes probably tired of me lol
#im like 99% sure it was taken before he admitted we were friends but hes fond i promise#i didnt even take the photo my brother did lol#because theres another one of him and another of me and key#art17#friendposting
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Unrelated to anything I've ever posted here but I have nobody on this blog and I wanna Talk in my tags
#i had my first kiss on sunday AAAAA#ik im a 23 yr old loser that JUST kissed someone#but now ive experienced it im like FUCK i wanna kiss them again so bad#i dont wanna simp to any of my friends LMAO theyre gonna get annoyed of my shit real quick and also this is Private Thoughts#im so fucking down bad for this person legit like i caught myself daydreaming abt sex w them LMFAO that has NEVER happened abt anyone ive#been talking to before. and like we're not even in a relationship but we both like each other and theyve called me their girl so im like AA#so its damn near a relationship. but im like this is so fucking early like im not even saying i love them yet bc i dont but like#what if i marry them lmao#im so fucking down bad for them i cant function literally im watching a HORROR MOVIE for class a couple briefly kissed and i was like#omfg i wanna kiss them so bad. like im 99% sure im HORRIBLE bc it was awkward the first kiss but they were so sweet abt it#ANYWAYS i think thats rant over i just wanna kiss them so bad rn and theyre asleep i think they didnt reply to my last text lmfao
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vent in the tags :3
#i really just want to make a friend#i've got a couple but it feels like they're going to leave me#i've made lists before of people in my life who've left me#and some of them have gotten even longer than the page#i just want someone to stay#i think i'm causing my own demise since i dont really know how to act with friends#and i always end up falling for them or they end up leaving#i've got issues with thinking i'm smarter than people/better than them and i'm working on fixing those#i'm 99% sure i'm autistic but it could just be my skewed social skills from a lot of my friends leaving ;-;#the friends who have stayed... i feel like i cant talk to any of them#like we've come to a standstill and i'm just. there. in their life#taking up space#not to mention my family is moving soon#and there's been a shit ton of chaos happening at home#i think i'm annoying everyone with my stupid hyperfixations#i'm so scared my family is going to be the only people who ever love me and nobody will ever accept or want to be around me#and i feel like i cant even express that i'm sad because im in therapy already but im stuck#like im in a well worn track and i cant get myself out of it#im not gonna kms or anything#i love the earth too much to hurt her like that
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you guys have no idea how sad i am that an artist i recently started listening to was into nfts
i couldnt find anything on his insta recently about it so hopefully it’s a thing of the past... the tracks still sound good though i just hurt my heart a little bit whenever i listen to them
#he only minted 2 i believe in 2021 but like i cant even say that his label made him do it because im like 99% sure he was indie#probably still is yeah idk ive not found a ton of stuff about him#though his youtube teased a series of videos about subcultures a few months ago?? those i would love to see if theyre still coming out#like for REAL i love that kind of stuff#me and my friends have been talking about it ourselves too like what counts as subculture today what does it all mean for Culture and Art#in relation to capitalism#m
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one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2
(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys
the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise
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61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.
62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.
63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.
64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider
65. mmm crumchy
66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video
67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast
68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!
69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.
70. reverse death note
71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway
72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten
73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus
74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee
75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"
76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences
77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom
78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him
79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors
youtube
80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner
81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar
82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you
83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display
84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(
85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?
86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.
87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.
88. guys i think this guy likes to dig
89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!
90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)
91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars
92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay
93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz
94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor
95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.
96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?
97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole
98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶
99. another one bites the dust
100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)
101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory
102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG
103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.
104. pennywise stole my brother's skin
105. it's world war z baby
106. Something Big Is In Space.
107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there
108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.
109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires
110. yeah man those spiders be eating
Part 1 |
#tma#i hope this convinces you to listen to tma#the magnus archives#sasha james#jon sims#podcasts#gay podcasts#elias bouchard#peter lukas#melanie king#gerard keay#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#jonmartin#funny#one sentence summaries#sillyposting#Youtube#queer
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