#so im just a mess and failure out and about for everyone to see and laugh at behind my back

[coffee-bat]

yknow i really hoped id bounce back quicker

[vixeneptune]

Askfirmations ♡

♡ Why am I so amazing? I'm naturally the best and never compete or compare myself to anyone

♡ Why am I so powerful? My aura naturally radiates immense power , is that why I keep getting everything I want? Or why nobody ever messes with me?

♡ Why do I feel so confident all the time like its my permanent state of being? I believe in myself so much that my confidence is literally unshakable.

♡ how do I keep getting everything I want? It's like the universe conspires in my favor and the world has my back 24/7

♡ omg why am I so freaking gorgeous?! Seriously I'm always stunned when I see my reflection like wow how am I so pretty i look unreal?

♡ Why am I such a money magnet? Attracting money is literally the easiest thing, why is it so effortless for me? Like I never worry about money bc it comes to me abundantly from multiple sources.

♡ Why am I so damn lucky? Why do I keep winning everytime at EVERYTHING? the word failure doesn't exist in my dictionary.

♡ ugh why is everyone so obsessed with me? Like I'm easily the most popular person everywhere I go. How come everyone knows my name and treats me like their fav person ? Idk why but I'm always the one who gets most attention and people literally chase me and desperately wanna be with me and I don't even try ?!? Why do I have so many secret admirers and so many people confessing their feelings for me ? Is it bc im so charming and magnetic that people can't help but fall in love with me instantly?

♡ Why am I always invited to events and hangouts like my presence is a must? People love being around me and talking to me so much. Why does everyone say I have an amazing vibe and they love my energy ? Honestly one of my fav compliments but its also like just being seen with me and being around me is a privilege

♡ Why are my eyes so big and feline? Why does everyone compliment my eyes? Why are they so mesmerizing and gorgeous? 😍

♡ Why is my skin so clear and hydrated? Like its so smooth and lifted and perfect I'm so amazed!

♡ Why are my lips so plump and perfect? I love how kissable and full they look!

♡ Why does my hair grow soo fast?? Its crazy like my hair is so long now. Why is it so thick and soft and perfect? Everyone compliments my hair

♡ Why are my eyebrows always on fleek? Like they look naturally perfect

♡ Why is my face so pretty like its sculpted by the angels? Why is my face so symmetrical and harmonious? I look naturally stunning like I don't need makeup or filters.

♡ Why does my face look EXACTLY like my desired face now? It's uncanny how much I resemble Megan fox and Adriana Lima

♡ why is it so easy for me to lose weight? I always lose weight so fast bc I have such a fast metabolism. Why does my body look so snatched? I don't even need to work out and I have the body of a model! Why does my butt look so good? Why are my arms and legs fit and toned and why is stomach so flat?

♡ Why is my face so slim? I have the most sculpted defined gorgeous face 😍 why does everyone stare at me like they're mesmerised by my beauty?

♡ Why is my nose so tiny and small and perfect? I literally have the cutest nose and I love it!

♡ Why does everyone say I remind them of tomie with how captivating , alluring and mysteriously beautiful I am ? Why do people say I remind them of a Siren ? So magnetic with high sex appeal

♡ Why does everyone love spoiling me so much and giving me princess/royalty treatment? Is it bc i have pretty privilege? Why do men open doors for me and gift me expensive things and they keep pursuing me and trying to impress me? Why am I always desired and wanted by everyone ? My energy inspires men to spoil and please me. There's something about me that naturally pulls people in like a magnet, maybe it's my energy or my personality or my beauty.

♡ why is it so easy for me to make friends and attract lovers and people like a magnet? I don't even try but somehow I always end up having so many great genuine connections with others and I have so many loyal friends.

♡ ugh why am I so freaking sexy? Like I have that dangerous sex appeal that fuels everyone around me with desire and lust for me (I'm always safe tho) but srsly I'm so hot it should be illegal 🥵

♡ Why do I keep looking younger and prettier as I age ? am I a vampire or something cuz i never age😂 people always think I'm 18 years old

♡ Why is my life so amazing? Why do good things keep happening to me? Why is it that everyday something wonderful happens? Why is life so easy and fun for me? It's like a game rigged in my favor. Why does my life keep getting better and better? Every aspect in my life is going so well! I feel so fulfilled and so grateful. I mean I'm literally living my dream life right now!

♡ why am i so blessed in every way? I'm rich, pretty, in the best relationship with the love of my life, I have amazing friends and family, I'm so successful and recognised for it, I'm such a catch and an honor to be associated with, I have so many admirers and I'm a great influencer, I'm so sexy and drop dead gorgeous, i have a fun addictive personality, im healthy and fit with the sexiest toned body, I'm constantly surrounded by love and support, im lucky, a powerful manifestor, I'm literally perfect, such a flawless beauty. I have it all

♡ Why do I have such amazing privileges? All I be doing is exist and I get everything I want , everything is handed to me. Why do I get things for free? I don't even have to try, why is it so easy for me to get my way? I think I'm just so charismatic and charming and pretty it's impossible to deny me

[razzmothazz]

i think its so funny when youre on the wrong side of the pjsk fandom before you get into it because you will see people talking about rui like hes trying to kill tsukasa and is literally making saw traps just to put that guy in them like a lab rat and is just absolutely evil and manipulative and then you actually read the stories and rui is just such a kind and caring guy that when tsukasa did get hurt by his machines [ON ACCIDENT] he straight up went welp. guess im never doing anything dangerous ever again and im a failure as a director and only got over it when tsukasa started screaming at him that he likes his crazy ideas and if he didnt want to do them he simply wouldnt. or when rui got hurt when tsukasa couldnt test the thing out and his thought was just "well im glad it wasnt tsukasa that got hurt :] it would really mess up the show if our star✩ was the injured one"

or you will see people talking about ena like shes the worst person ever and is just mean to everyone for fun and hates everyone with her whole being. and again. you read the stories and shes just a girl that struggles with her emotions. shes trying her best but she just never learned how to control her emotions and how to deal with them because she lives in a home where everyone feels somewhat hostile towards her, especially her father who she feels only wants to aggravate her on purpose because he never clearly communicates with her. you can see she is very kind and caring as well, especially visible with how she treats mizuki and their secret. yes shes mean at first but shes clearly trying to work on her issues and do better. her relationship with akito is very complicated but she clearly cares about him too, which is shown in the childhood flashback where she tells him that he should find something to do that he loves and stick to it, she encouraged him to not give up so easily on something if it feels right and he lives by those words to this day.

and akito is portrayed as an asshole, especially to ena, but he also clearly cares about her. hes not good at stating it but he clearly shows it with my favourite example being when ena was having something of a breakdown and was trashing her art supplies. akito walked in, agitated at the noise but as soon as he saw what she was doing he was clearly worried. he didnt want her giving up on her passion, just like ena didnt want him to give up on his. of course, ena in the emotional state she was in didnt listen, but akito knows her. his "you will regret this" mightve been taken as mean and something he said just to be annoying but it wasnt. he said that because he knows his sister and how much she wants to create, and she would definetly regret getting rid of all that stuff. he tried his best to calm her down in some way, to talk to her, to give her some time to think about this and if this is really something she wants to do or if her emotions are getting the best of her again.

i think about that moment at least 5 times a day because its such a nothing scene but it actually shows so much to me, as someone who was both ena and akito in similar situations. sorry i care a lot about the shinonome siblings they mean the world to me

tldr: rui isnt a manipulative ass he just has a hobby, ena isnt a bitch she just doesnt know how to deal with emotions properly and has trouble understanding how others feel, and akito isnt a shitling of a brother he actually tries his best

[skeletoninthemelonland]

hi there!! i've been a silent admirer of your beautiful art for a long time ( through dif platforms ), and when i finally gathered myself and entered Tumblr you had already left...so i was a bit worried that u wouldn't come back here. So, very-very happy to see you there again! ><

Srry if I'm wrong, but from other posts I saw that you're expecting a lot of stress due to start (?) of your college...and i just wanted to soothe you a lil bit. It really can be a difficult and even scary period of life for everyone, even if they all seems doing alright with the fact of these changes - remember that if you suddenly would feel like a failure for not getting the hold of this new stuff immediately. No you're not, never. Being scared, worried, stressed out from college is totally fine. You will get used to all the new things around you as the time passes, just give yourself that time, give yourself the needed care and attention. And, for everything, please, don't freak out from the deadlines. One anon from previous posts has said the amazing thing that greatly calms me down too (thanks bro!): it's okay if you're messing up, if you're messing up twice or more too, mistakes are what we're learning from, we're all gonna do them and this is good actually. And everyone has their own pace of digesting the new info - just give yourself some gentle care and don't stress yourself out even more by overthinking about how "awful" you are from doing a lot of work in the last minute. You'll learn. You ARE learning. Even the tiniest progress is way better than perfect nothing. I'm saying this as a third year student who's staying to almost 5AM today and this week are my exams 🗿 also don't forget to live your life too beyond all the study. You've got this, I believe in you, pal ;)

( srry for such a long text and maybe some mistakes too, eng isn't my native and it's really really bad late now so hope im at least understandable ahaha. I just wanted to comfort you a little for I sure know how this college stress feels. Hope you're having a good day/night, friend )

i really appreciate that you took time to write me this, and i thank you very much for your support. i get anxious very quickly at the smallest sign of stress, so much other classmates don't seem as bothered by these things as i am. so, with that being said, messages like this REALLY help me calm down, and reading about different experiences does bring some amount of comfort. thank you very much, and good luck with college, hope things go alright for you!

[sukifoof]

thinking about floweys sense of self and that one thing sans says... “the more you kill, the easier it becomes to distance yourself. the more you distance yourself, the less you will hurt. the more easily you can bring yourself to hurt others.” that line has Always stood out to me especially when thinking about flowey and how he is constantly distancing himself from everyone.

i think a lot about how asriel is a combination of his parents names,, yes its funny that asgore cant name BUT it also. says a lot about floweys relationships i think. at some point flowey chose to hide his identity and to call himself flowey. hes severing himself from his family internally by no longer being called a name that is so deeply tied to his parents and his past, and then choosing a name that is linked with his grief.... i keep seeing posts on how the golden flowers represent grief, with how asgore is surrounded in it and how flowey has basically become his grief. he pushes toriel and asgore away, not really because he Wants to but because he just cant. take it. its painful to think of the life he used to and could have had and the mistakes his parents made because of his absence.

he already seems to feel like he doesnt deserve to see his parents again as asriel.... he doesnt want to break their hearts but i think its also because he cant admit what hes become, especially not to his parents. but its interesting how he still doesnt really... sever his duties from himself as flowey?? hes not willing to admit hes asriel and what asriel has become but he Is willing to say hes still the prince and hes still charas best friend. he blames himself for their death and the hopelessness in the underground but he still wants to fix everything which i think is..... Very Interesting.... he has a very. warped view of himself i think,, he keeps saying he cant feel compassion and yet he still wants to free everyone and takes care of toriel...

he also doesnt seem to feel comfortable calling his parents mom and dad as flowey... its almost like. it makes everything too Real and he has to accept that he is still asriel. a lot of what hes experiencing is very accurate to how people feel when theyve been traumatized.... part of him exists before charas death, and then theres the part of him that exists after charas death. its extremely hard for him to still feel like hes asriel because in his mind, asriel feels VERY different from who he is now. its like hes looking back on asriel and thinking that couldnt Possibly Really Be Him because asriel never experienced everything flowey did, if that makes sense.... he has a huge separation in his identities as asriel and flowey and its too weird for him to say theyre the same guy.

its not until he is “asriel” again that he feels he can ask frisk to look after his mom and dad... his whole fight is really interesting to me cuz. everything about it spells out his regrets. he regrets he couldnt become the king everyone wanted and he regrets he couldnt have fulfilled the prophecy and freed everyone solely because he just couldnt bring himself to kill. so when given the chance, of course he’ll make himself look like all he had hoped to be when he grew up, even if he already feels like hes Grown Up according to the alarm clock dialogue... its also interesting that he only does this once he believes frisk is chara,, kind of like. hes proving to them that he hasnt messed everything up and that they both still have a chance to be Best Friends Forever.... he cant really admit to himself how lonely and sad he is until the very end of that fight when frisk shows him hes worthy of being saved

his self hatred is really what it all comes down to. he has so many regrets that he just cant let go of and feels like he has to take care of everyone cuz thats what the prince is supposed to do. he probably thinks something along the lines of “i dont deserve friends or mercy because im a Complete Failure” so he distances himself from everyone and refuses to believe he actually has worth and that his parents still love him.... oh flowey u have so many issues. but anyway its so important to him that frisk was willing to save him and refused to let him have his way. he really needed that slap in the face that people care about him, no matter how much he tries to distance himself to stop feeling so hurt. even trying to keep “chara” with him forever is a form of distancing himself. he doesnt trust that they would simply want to spend time with him so he feels he has to force them to stay with him forever to keep from being rejected from the one person he just cant let go of no matter how much he tries.

flowey is terrified of have his thoughts validated. sure, he may feel hes unworthy of love but imagine if toriel had found out what he did as flowey. given the way she reacts to asgore, i really doubt flowey has much faith that she’d forgive him. he just would Not be able to take that. he wants to be in control of how and when he gets hurt, which is pretty. standard for someone as traumatized as him. its nice to see that in the alarm clock dialogue hes finally starting to,, calm down a little bit.... hes not as closed off and hes willing to accept a matching gift from papyrus, even if hes still hiding from his parents and taking care of toriel only when she cant see it. hes starting to get a little better and hes learning to trust again!!

i think flowey is one of the best written characters regarding trauma and ptsd and grief,,, everything about him handles the way it feels extremely well from the way hes constantly on guard and how he feels some kind of separation within himself and how much he blames himself,,,, toby u are SO talented at writing i swear

[kiwibongos]

warning for ab/se & toxic relationships. and sdr2 spoilers duh

im thinking abt the remnants of despair. cause i hate how it just seemed to be like, "theyre suddenly brainwashed and then they turn evilll and they kill because they dont feel anything" like, i hate that. it feels so underdeveloped. it cant just be despair, it has to be deeper than that, i think it'd take personal angles and link with a lot of their own trauma, leaving them really vulnerable and deranged. so heres my own interpretation and headcanons for some of them

contains mikan, nagito, fuyuhiko, peko, akane, and brief analysis of the rest. keep in mind i havent seen the animes yet lol so this is a basic layer of it, but i just rly wanted to let this out cus i dont see it talked about. storing my brainrot here for later moments.

we all know how mikan and nagito feel. mikan was constantly hurt by other people before junko herself, itd make sense for her to develop a very unhealthy attachment to her. mikan was extremely vulnerable and controllable, she would do anything for anyone and especially junko, just so no one is mad at her, hence why it got so twisted. she wanted to be loved so badly, she would take whatever form of it she could. thats why it was so easy for junko to get her under her boot. now nagito has an odd love-hate relationship with junko imo (his mind is so messed up man) even if he praises hope in such a grossly obsessed way, the mf still TOOK her arm. i know he did it because he hated her so much and i guess to take power back, but i feel like because nagito had never really been loved, he wanted to try and feel what it could've been like out of some kind of confused desperation and fondness for her in a way, because his mind has no idea what those feelings truly are or what they mean. hatred and love often get mixed up in his head and form this horrible amalgamation with whoever he meets, which is clear towards the survivors in the nwp anyway

first of all i feel like the brainwashing would be a very slow process bc junko would definitely just manipulate everyone in her way to get what she wants. and by the time the world was plagued basically, all the remnants clearly had really unhealthy feelings related to junko specifically. they all love her, hate her, or praise her, but its all in very different ways that would be bc of their own personal backstories

fuyuhiko put junko's own eye into his own socket, and i feel like his relationship with her while in despair would be extremely one sided/perhaps parasocial if thats the right word. like, he is definitely one of the most fucked up to me. id say by my own headcanons though its heavily implied in his fte dialogues, is his parents are very ab/usive right from the start. fuyuhiko is messed up to all hell, he was constantly hurt and under pressure but he had to be strong and perfect because he was the head of his clan, he had to make people proud or else he was a failure forever. so he clung onto that. he never knew what true love felt like (platonic or not), and when junko came along and he fell into despair, shit hit the fan. he had come so attached to her, at that point junko would be like a mother figure to him. she was like the mother he never had, he wanted to make her proud, even if it was hurting him anyway. fuyuhiko would keep digging himself a hole of desperation and self destruction, seeking more and more pain because it's all he's used to. and because of that, makotos guess was right; he wanted to see her despair. it'd make sense he'd want to take a part of her, to see horrors she had witnessed so he could understand it, so she could be proud of him and part of him forever. he felt like if he did that, he would finally succeed, he'd achieve perfection, and he did. he'd done everything junko wanted him to do, while quenching his own thirst for violence itself, all via his own delusions. that was love to him and it felt real

as for peko she was definitely also treated the same in the kuzuryu family but more dehumanized obviously, so i think she'd feel a similar way; always needing to be good enough, but more specifically protecting the ones she cares about at all costs even if it results in bloodshed. i think she'd be a lot colder, forcing to suppress her feelings since she just has to follow fuyuhiko wherever he went, and she was pretty much as insane as him as well so anything slid. i know peko doesnt want to be a tool, but she'd definitely succumb to the fact that she has to be one when they're under despair (and it'd probably happen round the same time). if she was going to be his tool, she has to be like a robot and just do what follows

as for akane, she grew up very poor, and didn't live a good life at all either (w/ definitely bad parents) but she always tried her very best taking care of her siblings in the past, despite everything. i think there was a lot of twisted familial love with junko whom she started to see as a sister because of being a caretaker. she'd fight for her endlessly, she was one of the strongest for a while, but maybe she found her body, she wanted to preserve it as much as possible by the end of everything, she wanted to take care of her and do everything for her even if she had been too late. and with that, and barely any food in an apocalyptic world, the inevitable happens. i feel like akane would fall into a very hurtful spiral of self hate, that her starving was like a punishment to herself for her own failures and how she was failing to preserve junko. she'd be a very emotional but crazy, desperate mess

thats all i can think of atm. uhh short extra stuff; i feel like mikan or gundham would try to stitch junko up a bit, and try to keep her as long as possible. i feel like mikan is more likely to do that. if gundham did, it'd be for dark purposes given the whole overlord thing he has going on

+ kazuichi never liked himself, was bullied often and always wanted to be liked (especially by women), so he'd be notably attached to junko in this scenario, most likely in a romantic way. he'd also be very insane and would cause havoc like 24/7 just for satisfaction and to please junko/despair itself, he'd just get his hands on a lot of weapons and would just go on mindless chaotic sprees. nekomaru would be similar, being chaotic and all, but he's all about the physical burn and the pain. sonia is just a corrupted leader since she took advantage of her power under despair, so anyone would expect that. and mahiru fell into morbid curiosity and gets worse, given what she does with her camera

teruteru was just a little hungry. boys gotta eat

[simpforfictionalmen4ever]

Could you do an Aaron x daughter reader one shot where she is pregnant at a really young age and like a lot of angsty stuff idk

Yessss but also I'm not really familiar with angst 😅 but here you go

Warnings: angst , teen pregnancy, fluff

I'm going to fuck this kid up.

That's the only thought in my mind for past 7 months. My dad is already disappointed in me and I'm tired seeing it in his eyes everyday yet he will not go to work without kissing my very visible belly bump.

"bubs you're spilling the coffee" my thoughts were interrupted by Penelope

"oh shit " i started cleaning up the mess i made but i felt strong hand sneaking up on my waist

"let me take care of it sweetheart" i heard my dad's husky voice

"no need da-"

"go rest movie night has been tough on you " it has because everyone has been walking on eggshells

"yes mama come here " said Derek and tapped seat next to him

"okay" i rolled my eyes and grabbed my coffee

"you know caffeine is believed to cause the blood vessels in uterus and placenta to constrict , which could reduce the blood supply to the fetus and inhibit growth " announced Reid

"okay! I get it I'm bad mom. I suck ! I got knocked up at 16 , i drink coffee ,i eat junk-" I don't even know where this came from, i was pretty good at bottling up

"darling calm-"

"save it dad ! Everyone knows im a huge failure to you, i'm not your super girl anymore . I'm just girl who was stupid enough to threw her career away" i shouted and tears smeared my face. "I'm sorry"

"I'm going to sleep" i mumbled and started walking towards my room

"i didn't mean it, I'm sorry" said Reid

"it's okay its not like i have lack of reminders " i chuckled and closed the door. I dropped my heavy body on my bed and sighed

After 5 minutes there was a knock on my door and i murmured 'come in', of course it was dad.he sat down on the edge of the bed

"hi"

"hi"

"i just want you to know that you will never be able to do such thing that can change my mind about you. I'm so proud of you little one and i get it why you feel anxious" he took my hand to stop me from picking my nails " you are very young and everything around you is so intimidating, but I'm here , you will never be alone even if things go out of the hand-"

"dad i screwed up everything and right now im screwing up this little guy . No one wants failure as their mom "

"shush. You aren't the failure you hear me ? And you are going to be amazing mom . I know you aren't a coward and i think you are going to nail everything. You have no idea how special you are, you have very long and successful life ahead of you, so it's okay to feel stressed right now you don't always have to be strong. "

"dad-"

"little Hotchner is so lucky to have you as their mom. I'm proud of you" he whispered as he wiped the tear that was streaming down on my cheek

"so what about i make you a bath? Hm? And some hot chocolate"

"you really are proud of me?" I asked with cracky voice and he chuckled

"is it possible to not be proud of my little superstar?" He said kissing my forehead

[literaetures]

it’s been such a busy year!! but i wanted to write out some accomplishments just as a reminder to myself about some good things that have happened between the mess

i cooked 3 new dinner recipes!! (very big for me as someone who doesn’t cook)

i baked banana bread for the first time from scratch!! (also massive for me as someone who only bakes boxed mixes)

i started doing yoga more regularly (at least once a week!! that’s been so good for the body and brain)

i’ve finished crochet projects (coasters, granny squares, more coasters)

i’ve tried writing fic again (just little blurbs that don’t see the light of day but it’s been nice to write out the little prompts i have in my head)

i had a really good class i taught this semester and they were so talkative and willing to share their ideas!!

i did three conferences this year for papers i wrote and presented them in panels of other super cool people with super cool papers

i’m becoming more comfortable with being alone with myself (not much!! but baby steps are still steps)

i’m getting more comfortable with driving and am starting to even enjoy it!! actively seeking it out!! that’s never happened before!!

i’m learning to understand my own value and recognize that my sense of self-worth is wrong— that i’m more than my successes and failures just by living and trying new things and not limiting myself (again!! baby steps but steps forward)

and i’m learning that i am valuable and worthy of basic things (love, respect, objects, time, etc. a concept!! but we’re learning)

reframing things to have a positive mindset!! i’m not indecisive. i’m taking time trying to make a thoughtful and informed decision. i’m not a failure. i’m just trying something for the first time and learning to enjoy the process

i’m finding something that makes me smile each day!! at least one thing, every day, to share with a friend or savor a moment for myself even if it’s as small as going for a little walk rather than immediately going from point A to point B (and not seeing that as a hassle!! it’s an unexpected adventure or a new routine to have!! reframing things has been helpful)

journalling more!! oh my god i haven’t journaled regularly in a g e s but it’s been so nice to journal about some good things in my life or, if scary/bad/overwhelming things are happening, then taking some time to write out and tackle some of those stresses to make them more manageable

not! suffering! in! silence! (this is still a wip but!! we’re learning to just. talk to people! reach out! i’m still bad at starting and maintaining conversations bc i get overwhelmed easily, but im trying to be better about trusting that people know their boundaries and limits and what they have the time/energy/capacity to handle in that moment or later on. aka!! unlearning this idea that i’m a burden to everyone and everything around me. i’m just me!! and people care about me. and i need to trust that this is true. and learn to believe it)

eating fruit regularly— this sounds silly but holy shit. eating at least one fruit a day?? life changing

i started therapy!! and then fell off but that was still big!! and a new experience for me

the power of a candle— the power of a little bright light and good smell in the space around you?? immense

i started a little tradition where i get new piercings on my birthday to celebrate the day and we’re feeling!! so much more comfortable in our own skin these days

and maybe there’s more but!! these have been really big and important moments for me that i want to remember having— and maybe remind myself of for a rainy day

there’s good in this world and i hope that— if anyone is reading this— that you also are experiencing some good things in your life or learning to see things as a good and valuable and important, too!!

[hymn-of-muse]

I hope this writing event gets you back into the swing of things, boo to writer's block!

I would love to see a platonic Akko x fem!reader story if possible. Maybe reader is feeling sad until Akko comes to cheer her up? It's no problem if you can't, I appreciate your time and I hope you have a lot of fun writing 😊

(its not that i have writers block, im doing a lot of original writing on my other blog and on quotev. but thank you!)

Smile For Me!

Akko + Fem!Reader, written in 2nd person.

A whole week of tests and not a single one got a good passing score. potions over boiled or went bad, spells went awry, the whole week felt like one big mess.

your grades were feeling the hurt from it too. how were you supposed to graduate as a talented witch if you couldnt get these things right?

in all of your moping about your test scores and grades, you felt a finger poke your cheek.

"Heyy! Y/N, whats with the long face? Why do you seem so sad? huh?" Akko asked, leaning over the arm of the bench you sat on in the courtyard.

"Oh, hey Akko. It's nothing." you sighed, smoothing out your uniform skirt before dropping your hands back in your lap.

"Sure doesn't seem like nothing, you have this deep frown on your face, and i dont like seeing my friends sad, so spill it!" She insisted, sitting in the empty spot next to you with a plop.

"Its just...all my tests this week so far have been either complete failures or just barely passing! at this rate my grades are going to nose dive!" You expressed, your shoulders dropping in disappointment as you talked.

"you too huh? i mean im sure you still did better than me, i made a potion blow up and still cant properly ride a broom like everyone else. its not that big of a deal though! we can always ask to try again and do better next time or do something else to make up for it! right?" Akko offered with an encouraging smile.

"hm..yeah i guess so. but im still not doing so great with magic, what if im not meant to be a witch?" The minute the words come out, Akko jumps to her feet with a determined expression.

"Nuh uh! i dont wanna hear any talk like that, youre a totally cool witch and youre gonna be one of the coolest graduates of this school, i just know it! so dont talk like that okay?" She huffed out, fists clenched at her sides and cheeks puffed out.

"i dont know about that, Akko, i can barely pull off a levitation spell let alone make a successful potion. i dont have any specific talent or anything. Sucy has her thing with potions and mushrooms, Lote can talk to spirits and fairies, Amanda's super cool on a broom, youre inspiring like Chariot! i cant do stuff like that..."

Akko listened to you express your sorrows and thought for a minute. "but theres still a lot you can do. you always know what books we need and where we can find them, youre really good at coming up with ideas and putting everyone's talents together, you could probably outsmart Diana with history facts! but you dont need to be good at everything in school and have amazing grades to be a good witch." She took your hand and continued.

"we'll practice and get better together! okay?" Akko gave you a bright hopeful smile. "Come on, stop frowning already! Smile for me, okay? here!" Akko's eyes lit up with an idea and she took out her wand, focusing on intent before casting a spell and uttering the words. with a poof of smoke she had bunny ears, a cute pink nose and small buck teeth. "Tada! no wait-awe bunny ears again? i was hoping at least for cat ears this time!"

Akko's antics made you giggle. "No i like it, it looks good on you!"

Akko looked at you with a smile again, letting go of one of her bunny ears. She was glad she got you to laugh and smile again.

"Thanks for cheering me up, Akko, youre the best."

[thoughtcascades]

you literally summed up my feelings with my rambles about life. thank you for the reply it was detailed as well! honestly it just sucks cause it seems everyone else be doing something with themselves and ur just likw hmmm where was my chances huh? and i guess theres more existential crisis for myself when im seeing so much of others lives throjgh social media it doesnt help we cant just simply love ourselves be ourselves without comparing our lives bc there is so many more ways to compare our lives now than there was however many years ago. i cant not use the internet cause we need it for every day tasks including most jobs. honest to god i would pick literally any other generation besides this screen addicting one that we have all been conditioned into needing.

idk i honestly could do with a time machine id love to have experienced other generations as they seemed a bit more happier than a lot of us rn. it was honestly a blessing as a kid to have an internet free childhood and i regret that it wasnt a longer childhood. the most we had during school were flip phones or basic "smartphones" or ipods.

those were simple times we didnt need to make tiktoks and know every slang bc there wasnt such a thing back then. now its like gen z and new gens get more opportunities for their success due to the devices they have that we didnt have. and sometimes it really does come down to either being from the right place or having the courses that you wanted to do and a lot of the times that just wasnt available then and no one ever seems to talk about it cause it just seems that online my generation either gets shitted on or overlooked. for instance theyve only just started making "womens football" more known but we had such little opportunties in my school it was traditional dance, hockey, gymnastics or some winter sports but again it was limited option unfortunately i couldnt choose any other schopp bc its what is generically available for most schools in that area yaknow?

thank you for writing such a relatable response i appreciate it and love your blog ofc <3

We got a taste of the "simple" life, without all the TikTok pressure and endless screens, but we miss out on all the crazy opportunities newer generations have. It sucks getting told we had it easier when really, things were just... different. You're right about the whole opportunities thing. Limited sports options at school? One career path for life? That "workaholic" college tutor who wouldn't let you even have a part-time job? It's this messed-up system that makes you jump through hoops just to figure out who the hell you even are. And that whole "fear of failure" thing? Everyone keeps saying "explore your options", but what if you pick wrong? What if you change your mind and people look at you like you're some kind of flake? We're expected to know exactly what we want and nail it perfectly the first time, when honestly, sometimes you just need space to figure it out. It's okay if things get messy and confusing, but somehow that's seen as "weak" or something. No wonder it's so damn hard to move on, even when you know you need to.

[lightlycareless]

CHAPTER 34 HAS ME RUNNING IN CIRCLES CLAWING AT THE WALLS LOSING MY MIND,,, HELLO?? HELLO??? naoya just absolutely losing his mind writhing in emotional pain,, incredible stuff i agree w the staff. it is exactly like a car crash and i can not take my eyes away. hes so cringefail mariya. girlbossing standing in between the two of them... very strong of her. i talk a lot of shit abt naoya but i hate conflict and i'd probably start shaking and crying if i had to deal with him so mariya being able to just put herself right in the middle of all that and act totally normal about it is VERY impressive. props to y/n too for acting so normally too-- either that or naoyas just extremely oblivious to body language and emotional cues and doesn't notice them freaking the fuck out. 50/50

naoya detective arc,,,, it would be charming of him if he weren't so deranged. in fact its KINDA terrifying how incredibly focused and driven he was to figure everything out no matter how far back he had to trace it. like-- it'd be INSANELY hard to hide anything from him unless absolutely everyone involved in it was able to be IN on it and know how to keep up a lie to him. kinda fucked!

tho on the detective arc part-- it makes perfect sense for HIS deranged ass to immediately jump to the worst conclusion that y/n lied to him, despite the fact i imagine its still possible the package could've been stolen from inside the estate by one of the staff? as in, the worker got the wolf stamp, but it could've been jumbled up or stolen after entering the estate. not like he's thinking that far ahead tho,,,

FINALLY he sees her w naoaki and we get a whole-ass confrontation-- im going NUTS here this was SO intense. naoya's arc here plays on one of my FAVORITE villain tropes, the 'villain who genuinely doesn't realize he's done anything wrong'. those are always so good but rarely do we get the moments of said villain realizing how badly he's fucked up im SO excited for how this is going

the way naoya is genuinely sure he's not done anything wrong and doesn't realize how badly he's hurt her vs. naoaki thinking he's just pretending to be oblivious to get out of consequences- DELICIOUS STUFF. naoaki pulling the "because you *love* her?" in whats probably intended to be a mocking way and then realizing "oh shit. he does actually. oh this is a fucking mess isn't it" and feeling kind of guilty about it... is it weird i want them to make up at some point too in all of this? god knows naoya needs some fucking friends (besides ranta)

"Naoya doesn't... *can't* care for me... because he doesn't care for anyone but himself." Y/N WITH THE STEEL CHAIR,, FROM THE TOP ROPE,, might as well have just shot him. definitely did the equivalent of knocking him unconscious considering he apparently doesn't remember anything that happened afterwards. i like to imagine he just dropped unconscious right on the spot and they just left him there.

the dream sequence part KILLED me i genuinely believed up until maybe midway through this was real. ALSO HE CALLED HIM BROTHER,,, my onii-san joke rings true,, at the funniest possible fucking time,, wish he'd say it outside of a dream,, the y/n sneering at naoya and laughing at him was i think what gave it away-- i was willing to believe her and naoki went off to finally fuck after all that but sry y/n i do NOT believe you're willing to make fun of him that hard to his face yet. yet. i think you should though some time

but fr this WHOLEE dream sequence is soo important to his character its so good at illustrating the fear of failure and rejection and abandonment-- they're SO crippling for him to such a degree he ends up making it worse on himself and making this fucked up self-fulfilling cycle houghhh its so much,,

naoaki getting woken up in the middle of the night to naoya slamming into his room demanding to know where y/n is-- i NEED to know what he thought in that moment he mustve thought naoya's gone fucking insane esp when he just LEAVES right after without explaining anything

and then y/n probably thought she was gonna fucking die when he just showed up out of nowhere. actual jumpscare moment. also her being intrigued by just how disheveled and awful he looks? me too.

WHAT WAS HE GONNA TELL HER. IM WAILING AND CRYING DID HE EVEN HAVE ANYTHING HE WANTED TO SAY OR WAS HE JUST DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET HER TO STAY,, AUGH,, depending how loudly he collapsed to the floor and loud his crying was i wonder if y/n were able to hear him?? i think she should definitely see him crying at least once-- i wonder how she (or naoaki) would even handle him just breaking down into tears,,

ohmygod i wrote. a lot here. anyways. 20/10 chapter. im chewing on him. tysm for these incredible developments im foaming at the mouth to see whats next

Hello!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS JUST EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED HAHAHAHAH I THRIVE IN OTHER'S ANGUISH.... lol.

Ahem, anyways... 🤭 I'm glad you liked this chapter!!! This has to be up there, in my top 10 moments of the story (we still have others though... but yeah, still up there) and the one I was dying to write for the longest. I don't know if it was enough "punishment" for Naoya, but it's good to see him be reminded of his stupidity :)

His downfall is something that I think many were expecting tbh, or at least see him get kicked down a notch lol He was out there thinking himself to be the king of the hill for far too long, someone had to remind him he’s not that special 😂

I’m pretty sure the staff’s perception of Y/N changed drastically once again, into a more positive I mean. They’re out there admiring how she was able to do what many couldn’t and can’t help but wonder if she has the potential to ruin the Zen’in if she wanted to—of course, that stops when Naobito is added into the equation, but they still like to daydream about it haha.

Mariya is a character I would consider 100% fed up with Naoya’s (or just about anyone from the clan) shenanigans, so that makes it easier for her to stand up to him, although I’m sure she’s still intimidated by him. Thankfully her extensive knowledge of how everything works around the estate helps her out in these situations, it’s kind of like a… “gray area” for her to exploit—something she can use if she ever gets in trouble with Junko or Meiko for example, she can easily say “I was just doing what was requested of me” and they’d be like “unnnghhhh I guess!!”

Besides, she has job security in the sense that Meiko considers her to be the best worker there (after her, obviously lmao) so she wouldn’t dare lose the order Mariya provides; because she’ll whine and cry about it, enough for Naobito to intervene, making him wonder why she was fired, forcing Meiko to say “well, because Naoya–“ and yeah, I don’t think anyone to be in that situation hahaha so she’s safe.

I’d say Naoya is greatly oblivious to body language when it comes to… socializing? Cause he’s great when it comes to analyzing targets in a jujutsu environment, but even then, I think he’d still be somewhat bad compared to others 😂 he's the kind of person that believes brute force overrules everything else, so he shouldn't worry about those menial details. (Kind of like Endeavor from MHA? Like he's a great hero, but in the sense of crime fighting, he didn't really care about making a fan base or anything else really... OUTSIDE OF SHOTO OF COURSE)

And because Y/N has always been “coy” when he’s around, he doesn’t think much of it outside of being normal behavior from her, so yeah, he didn't get any sense of "something's going on" when she acted the way she did.

Naoya being derange isn’t a surprise to anyone at this point 😭 I’m telling you, he does things that under any normal context it would’ve been sweet, but since he’s… him, it’s not lmao. I can’t imagine how terrified Y/N was upon hearing he went all the way down to the post office just to find out what happened with his gift. He’s determined, that’s for sure, and it makes her wonder what other things he's done already—although at that moment, at the same time she was hoping she’d be able to escape this situation… well, alive, she was mostly worried that her letters might be uncovered too. Thankfully Naoya was focused on something else 💀

And yep, the way he jumped into conclusions was eerie, but I think it was because deep inside him, he knew that was what actually happened. He had enough of bad history with his wife to know that she, more likely than not, discarded his gifts. Did he ever wonder why? No. Would he dare to ask? I don’t think so. And even if he did, would he understand? I think he’d feel offended if anything, more so when Naoaki’s gestures had been happily received. Oof.

Maybe if he wasn’t so paranoid (or heart broken, let’s be real) he might’ve considered someone else from the staff, leading him into another wild goose chase; good, this is revenge for what he put Hinata through.

I’m glad you liked the confrontation!!! It was above everything, awkward, cause there’s no actual confrontation coming from Naoya if that makes sense? Like he’s not open to actual conversations, he just wants to know the why of certain things, and if it fits his ideals, good, if not, God help us.

I definitely believe Naoaki thinks Naoya is so… “isolated” from the real world that he might actually, genuinely not know what he’s doing—can’t blame him, he had Naobito and the rest of the family as guidance lol—but his inability to even consider other possibilities is what always frustrates him 😂 poor Naoaki, he can’t go on with his life without being constantly disappointed by his relatives. (Have Mai and Maki disappointed him too? I wonder...)

My favorite part, and I’ll never stop talking about it hahahah, was when he asked Naoya if he “loved” Y/N aughagaga DAMN the skepticism was there 100% for sureeeeeeeeee, he was hoping to hear his brother say something like “yeah, I do” so he could be like “bullshit!” and continue to take out his frustrations, but the way Naoya remained quiet, looking away almost as if embarrassed!!! Now that’s when he knew there were feelings for her—beneath the complicated layers that make him a monster, Naoya was still capable of harboring sentiments for someone else (Allegedly… all allegedly…) and Naoaki immediately felt bad for putting him on the spot like that. He still cares for his baby brother after all 😭😭😭

I certainly feel bad that their relationship turned into this—I can only wonder what occurred on the manga for Naoya to want them (more) dead lol. If he’s already unhinged at 19, imagine at 27 💀 Ah, but one can dream….

AHAHAHAH Him just spacing out immediately after Y/N said that is, ugh idk satisfying and sad at the same time—like sure I feel sorry that his wife was like “no, you don’t care” and I could’ve had her say something like “ewww” but Y/N isn’t that disrespectful; and come on what was Naoya expecting 😂?? For her to be like “omg I’m so sorry Naoya I should’ve known” please!!! She was appropriate enough to state the truth, that he doesn’t care for anyone but himself, he should’ve just taken it and left them (which he did: I imagine he remained quiet, spacing out as he stared at the two before turning around and disappearing into the hallways. Naoaki and Y/N look at each other, wondering what happened before wondering if he’s going to return. Naoaki tells her no, but that she should be careful nonetheless. Y/N goes with Mariya, tells her staff what went down and collectively decide to keep a low profile—Hitomi offers to keep a lookout on Naoya, only stopping when she overheard that he was in his room and has been for the past few hours. They go on with their day, or attempt to, and that’s when Mariya decides to let them know of her secret hideout)

To irritate Ren, I decided that the song that best fits this scene is this one. And just for a little, tiny part before the chorus and Mel B's part hahahahha. That's the only thing that actually applies to their whole dilemma at this point.

Now, the good part… The dream sequence was the one thing I’ve been wanting to show you for a while now hahah I just kept teasing you about it, and I’m glad it got the reaction it did hahahahhahahhhahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I was 99.9999% sure that most of my readers would immediately catch on to the fact that this was a dream, since I’ve never portrayed Y/N to be that crazy, you know? Like her making fun of Naoya is off the table completely; sure, she’s made some jokes here and there, but they’re always lighthearted—or at least I think that’s the impression one gets when reading them—never off the rails as this dream sequence 💀 leave that to Naohiko lol.

Either way, I tried my best to cover the fact it was a dream, and if someone saw right through it, it still served to show just how messed up Naoya is on an emotional at this moment.

But yeah, this nightmare worked really well ‘cause there was that lingering question of whether Naoaki and Y/N were finally going to do something more… intimate. I feel that if I hadn’t worked their relationship up to that point it would’ve easily been like “nah, this is a dream goodbye” 😈 glad it worked in the end hahahah!!!

Now that it’s mentioned, the scene where Naoaki is disrupted by Naoya is ironically funny—it was so out of the blue first he was like “I sleep” and then Naoya comes into his room to ask the most random question before leaving.

Naoaki for sure thought he made it up—he was worried for Y/N and overworked by all his duties that he was like “Man, I’m even starting to dream about Naoya wtf??” his slumber overtook him almost immediately after; had he not been that exhausted you can be 100% certain he would’ve gone after Naoya.

And I agree—Y/N for sure thought she was going to die at that moment, although it was a fear that quieted down a bit for the sake of her staff’s wellbeing… yet, the thing that surprised her the most was to see Naoya so… disturbed—he’d seen him angry, arrogant, a complete monster… but she’d never seen him so defeated. So yeah, I think she believed she was going to die, but more in a sense of shock of not knowing what the hell was going on.

Now, for your last question… Naoya desperately wanted to keep her there above anything else, but his broken heart also wanted to tell her that he did care for her, at least to some extent, if not then why would he have married her? A mystery for sure. If I had to boil it down to a singular reason, it was him wanting to tell her how much he wants to be with her. Happily, be with her.

(No one heard Naoya cry, outside of Y/N retreating as quickly as possible, I envision him to be a silent crier in a way, not wanting anyone to hear him out of fear of being reprimanded more than shame—Naobito as a father must’ve been really, really tough. And if anyone did hear him, they would’ve never thought it was him to begin with.)

Thank you so much for tuning in for another chapter!! 🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ I really greatly, enormously enjoy your asks, they give me so much insight about things that sometimes escape my mind!! Kgagagkak I don’t know how to describe it, but they motivate me allot 😭❤️

I can’t wait to show you the rest of the story…. Another…. Specific part I want you to read (well, more than one, but that one is another favorite of mine) hahahahahaaa

Once again, thank you so much for your support 🥺😭❤️ I shall strive to deliver the next chapters to the best of my ability!!!

Take care, and hope to see you soon 🥺❤️

[kittie1996]

what are ur opinions on each saw movie?

OKAY SO

i stopped watchin the ones after amanda died tbh all of the movies after 3 are dead to me except for x of course but i just heard it gets super lame after that and i only really watched for her. tbh i think it was made painfully obvious that amanda had been carefully plucked out by john to be groomed into becoming his apprentice like looking at the brutal self mutilating traps others had to get out of compared to hers where she never had to hurt herself or self amputate or anything except prove that she could kill someone “for the greater good” (i use that term loosely). i dont think it ever couldve worked because john and her come from extremely different backgrounds and it’s very obvious in saw x when amanda tries to reason with john and get through to him about gabriellas addiction and he just brushes her off with a “everyone has a choice” and my friend said that in that moment he made it obvious he views amanda as lesser than him because of her past addiction. i think gabriella and amanda are extremely similar in the way they worked for someone evil but at the end of the day theyre just a means for them to attain power and nothing else. cecilia rubs it in gabriellas face by saying “well im not the one addicted to drugs” and amanda looks at john when she says that. amanda saw so much of herself in gabriella and i think seeing john treat her like subhuman filth touched a sore spot. cecilia killing her just salted the wound and amanda had the worst freakout about that. when gabriella is begging for her life at the stairs as amanda and john go up to watch the torture from afar, amanda looks at her with a look of regret or pity or SOMETHING but then looks up at john who stares back disapprovingly. he also guilt trips her a shit ton for these feelings and when she has these lucid moments and feels guilt for hurting people, he goes on a “oh so youre NOT willing to do what it takes to carry on my work?” tangent, trying to make it seem as if his work is something greater than them both and not a self serving narcissistic, sadistic wet dream. and when amanda starts to go crazy because she cares deeply for john and hes DYING so she starts making unbeatable traps and becoming fiercely jealous of lynn, shes flawed. john practically spits in her face and calls her a failure as shes dying. he kidnapped her, groomed her, forced her to kill people, and in the end says he hates her for it after he gets her killed.

ok now lynn time :3 THEIR SEXUAL TENSION WAS OFF THE CHARTSSSSSS this was my favorite saw movie tbh. they had intense hateful sexual tension and it’s when amandas confidence AND insecurity is peaking so ofc disaster is imminent. shes learned to make traps at this point, her body language is much more confident and mirrors how i imagine john would behave if he wasnt. yknow. terminally ill. and by that i mean sassy asf. but now she doubts john and his methods and resents him for prioritizing lynn over amanda and urging amanda to control herself and to stop hurting lynn and i think it’s like a “i dedicated my life to you and she’s just another victim” kind of jealousy. when she walks in on john holding lynns hand and he says “we’re fine amanda we dont need you” and she takes that PERSONALLY. it seems like john wanted a pet more than he wanted an apprentice because he never wanted to put emotional work into amanda and wouldve rather had her killed off than correct her mistakes. anyways. shortly after, john orders her to undo lynns collar and she snaps, holds her at gunpoint and says “you gave her control over me” like NOOOOOO you gave john control over you. she wouldnt be in this mess if she werent so loyal to john. ik abt hoffmans letter to amanda tbh idgaf like i said everything after saw 3 is dead to me after learning it was supposed to end there and Lips can eat my meat

[kanna-banana]

Ok, serious talk, I know nobody wants to read this but I'll feel better posting somewhere as opposed to vomiting my feelings all over my friends again, they've had enough, please feel free to ignore this and I'll be back to being silly in no time

Ok so, I know my blog is uncomfortable to read, I understand that my negativity and constant venting is at best annoying and at worst upsetting, i am aware of that but I also know that bottling up is worse to me and i feel like a liar if i just pretend everything is fine and just post silly stuff here.

My friends keep telling me I'm not a horrible person and am pretty funny actually and I think that is because they've know me for years and I was like that but things have not been going well im the last few years.

Yes I am not a bad person and I can be funny sometimes, but all of that gets overshadowed by the numerous mental issues I have and cannot cope with properly.

English is not my first language language so this gets a bit confusing because this nuance is pretty tricky in the language but as you all know is that "i am" can mean either "i am like this at the moment" (example "I'm cold" or "I'm hungry", those are not things that are inherent to you, they are temporary states) or "i am like this PERIOD" (example "I'm human" or "I'm Brazilian", they are permanent states about yourself)

Now

I know I AM (inherent) creative, funny sometimes, alright at drawing, and a bunch of other nice things people say about me when I'm crying, but you have to understand that i also am (temporary) completely fucked up mentally and emotionally, I'm not saying I'm going to be "cured" from being autistic btw, I'm counting not being able to handle my issues "being a bad temporary thing", like, i will never stop having ADHD symptoms (cannot afford a diagnosis so I'll just call them symptoms for now, or signs if you thing the word 'symptom' is a bit tone deaf) but i know i can learn how to live with it and function, even if my functioning looks very different from what's expected from a neurotypical person.

I am, at the moment, NOT DEALING WITH MY SHIT PROPERLY, and THAT is the issue I believe can be fixed. I will never have a good knee again, even after the surgery I just feel less pain, but i can learn how to adapt to my limitations, you know?

So, I am not, inherently, a failure, i know I'm not stupid or ugly or boring, but I'm so full of debuffs that basically I'm a piece of shit right now.

Yes, I did quit my job and tried to become a web developer and it went catastrophically bad, but I can't even count that as a failure because i NEEDED to quit that job either way (it was destroying my mental health) and if you're gonna quit going to live with a friend so dear to you she's basically a sister for a while and learning a skill you always wanted to at least start learning, isn't it worthy?

Yeah I "failed", but the happiness i felt along the way was worth even if it didn't work out in the end.

I know that, my mind knows that, but my feelings are absolute chaos and I sometimes fall into a deep self hatred spiral that makes me believe lies about everything around me, it even makes me believe everyone secretly hates me, which is OBJECTIVELY not true, if there's one thing I am in this world is loved.

I know it's sad, annoying, or even upsetting to see my posts and I'm not going to pretend they're inevitable, I CAN stop myself and I should have better restraint, I'm failing at that and I apologize for all the negative feelings I might have caused.

I know it's a pretty hard goal considering how my life is a huge mess right now, but my goal in life is to be the trans person i needed to meet when I was in the closet.

I want to be the type of happy, mature and intelligent person that my friends were when I met them 6? 7 years ago?

The people that completely shattered an entire lifetime of prejudice and fear that was forced into my brain since i was a toddler, the type of people that made me look at transphobic posts and go "that's not true, I've met trans people and they're some of the best people i know", the type of people who made me realize living as who you really are is both possible and achievable.

I want to be that person, someone who, just by being themselves, can melt away prejudice or at least be that kink in the armor of an angry reactionary that one day will help shatter the barrier of lies they protect themselves with and help them see that this hate was manufactured to use them as paws in a stupid made up culture war.

I got out of this horrible place with the help of wonderful people i will never be able to thank enough, and my dream is to help others out too.

I'm not saying i want to "trans" others, obviously, just to show that we are not the weird monsters thet so many out there want you to believe we are. To destroy the prejudice with the power of a honest, happy existence.

I want to be the person I needed when I was younger, lost, depressed, considering suicide, and constantly angry at anyone the liars and grifters who I trusted told me to hate.

I want to become the person who would have saved me back them.

I know it's going to take a lot of work, I have many barriers ahead of me, some inside of myself, some external, but neither way I have a LOT of work to do, and if there's one thing i can never do is give up.

I don't even know what "giving up" means at this point, I have to keep going, not only for myself but for those I might help in the future.

I can't change the past. I can't erase the harm my bigoted ignorant words caused, but I can grow into a person who heals as much as i used to hurt.

I know I'm a handful right now, and I am trying to control my words until i have the means to work on myself and improve as a person. Just, please be patient with me. If my posts upset you in the past please for your own sake unfollow/block me, I'm sorry I hurt you while trying to hurt myself, but unfortunately it will probably happen again, and there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone that hurts you, even if they didnt INTEND to hurt you.

I am NOT (inherent) a failure

I am (temporary) failing

But I will get better.

I don't know how, I don't really have a plan, but I will figure it out somehow.

Life is not a game. I am not in a "doomed run", I can and I WILL live and be the best person I can be.

Thank you.

[0perfectimperfections0]

Coping, but everyone finds out what Lou's been doing to himself after the Gauntlet.

Op- I feel like I interpreted the other prompt wrong, XD, sorry.

OKAY, so this one will take place after the Gauntlet, got it XD

<><><><><>

Not safe. Not safe. Exposed. Exposed. Breathe. Just breathe, idiot. You're dying. Dying! Alert! Alert! Dying! No air! We need air! Why can't I breathe! This is it! Pain. Claw. Get out--Get out--Get out--Get out--

Lou twisted his head side to side, trying to pop his neck. Maybe that would get the thoughts to calm down. They were making him dizzy.

Run! Run! Hide! Not safe! I'm not safe! They know--They all know! My chest hurts--I can't breathe--heart racing--I must be dying. Oh, Doll, I'm dying! I can't breathe! I can't stop shaking! Why am I shaking?

Back pressed flush against the wall, knees drawn up close to his chest, elbows propped on top as he dug his fingers through his hair. A ruined tussle of hair that used to hold shape. Now, loose curls draped just above his shoulders. So much for the conditioner.

The hair was the last thing on his mind.

Someone will see me! Snap out of it! You're fine, idiot! You're oka--but I can't breathe! Oh, please, someone help I can't breathe! I need help! I can't speak! My throat feels tight! I'm choking! Choking! Can't breathe!

He rocked, body shaking too much to register if he was actually moving or not. He was too afraid to cry. He couldn't get in enough air to weep.

Something soft wrapped around him, and he accidentally let out the sob that had been trapped inside him. He bit his lip harshly, a seam coming undone. Legs pulled up closer and feet pointed inward, trying to cave in on himself more. Away from what this contact was.

Danger! Danger! You're trapped! Stuck! Stuck! No escape! Trapped! Trapped! Tra--

"It's okay," the voice was as soft as the hold. "You're okay."

Not okay! You're dying, idiot! STUPID. FOOL. IDIOT. WORTHLESS. FAILURE. PROTOTYPE. HELP. HELP. STUCK. TRAPPED. HELP. CAN'T BREATHE. HELP. HELP--

"...Help....Help," Lou whimpered through the cries.

"I hear ya," Ox shushed calmly. He swayed them into a gentle rock, "I gotcha, Buddy. Don't worry. I ain't gonna let go." Ox managed to tear Lou's hands away from his hair. It didn't take much to notice the bits of stuffing peaking out through rips in his felt. The marks looked intentional. "Aw, Lou," Ox gently rubbed the better portion of the arm. "What am I gonna do with ya?"

"What's going on?" The others finally found the whereabouts of the new mayor. Moxy's bright eyes immediately grew worried when she saw Lou. "Oh my doll, is he okay?" Her voice rose a few decibels.

Ox quickly hushed her, "He's fine. Don't make a big deal of it. You'll make it worse."

THERE'S MORE. THEY'RE HERE. THEY KNOW. EVERYONE KNOWS. WEAK. PATHETIC. SHAMEFUL. YOU'RE VULNERABLE. GET OUT NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW. GET OUT--

"Make it stop!" Lou was about to claw at his arms again, but Ox kept them firmly in his hands. "Go away! Get out! Get out!"

"You're okay, Bud, shh. It's alright."

Ugly Dog crept up toward the two, looking curiously at the blonde. "What, uh, what's wrong with 'im?"

"He's havin' a panic attack, just...just don't stress him out." Ox combed his fingers through the blonde strands, occasionally massaging the shoulders.

Moxy kneeled down in front of Lou, wanting so desperately to help in some way. She wouldn't know where to begin. Ox seemed prepared for the situation. "Has...he done this before?"

The bunny hesitated, "It was never this bad before. Maybe a little shakin' and heavy breathin', but he never made a mess of his arms before. He never hurt himself."

PEOPLE. PEOPLE. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. AROUND YOU. NOT ENOUGH AIR. GET OUT. YOU'RE TRAPPED. OX IS HERE. OX. OX. PAIN. ALONE. OX.

"...Ox...Ox," Lou squeezed his eyes shut tighter as the name spilled off his cut lip.

The owner responded, "Yeah, I'm here, Bud. I gotcha. Can ya breathe?"

"No," Lou whimpered. "I...I can't," even his voice sounded breathless. "I-I'm dying--"

"You're okay, see? I'm right here. Deep breath in...deep breath out." Ox gave him an example to follow. "In...out."

Stuttering gasps of air came from the blonde, but he was breathing. A few deep breaths later and he took in a long inhale. Body ceased its shaking as he released. With that tension gone, a weight fell heavily on his body. His head went limp for a moment. Ox did well to cup his head in his paws. "There ya go. You're doin' great, Bud. Keep breathin'." He lifted Lou's face to meet his, watching Lou's eyelids flutter from the sudden exhaustion.

"...dying." His voice was weak. Quiet.

"You're okay. You ain't dyin'. All that panic wore ya out, that's all." He ran a thumb over the open seam on Lou's bottom lip. "We'll get ya fixed up, too." Another paw ran up the blonde's wounded arm. "Gosh, Lou, when'd ya start doin' this to yourself?"

The only response was a quiet moan. Lou's eyes closed, and his body went limp for another moment. Ox rested the dead weight against his chest. "Alright, never mind that for now. Let's just focus on gettin' ya back t' normal." Babo kneeled down to take some of the weight of the blonde from Ox. The bunny instinctively bristled, "Don't touch 'im." Babo stopped short, eyes wide. Blinking, Ox shifted his gaze back down to the form in his arms, "Sorry...Just...I've got 'im. Ya'll tell the other dolls I'll be a bit."

Moxy stood up slowly, "Do you need any help?"

Ox shook his head, "I got it, don't worry. This ain't the first time," he muttered the last bit under his breath. It was difficult at first -- having not carried the Pretty Doll in so long -- but Ox got Lou in a comfortable position in his arms.

The rest of the group watched the bunny hurry off as gently as possible.

[lovelycreativetragedies]

relationship troubles🐟

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lego niniago fic, requested by an irl friend ( this is a re upload from my wattpad.) no trigger warnings! feel free to request.

context : Nya and jay get into an argument over something!

Today's mission had been hard. there was a hostage situation involved, and jay messed it up. it put the entire group at risk. Luckily, everyone else managed to fix his mistake but Nya was extremely angry with jay.

" how could you be so stupid?! " nya screamed. her and jay were standing in the monestary after the mission. jay flinched, he looked more guilty than anyone had ever saw him before. " I'm sorry nya! I really.. didn't mean to. I don't know what happened! " jay said, his voice wavering.

nya let out a sigh of frustration. " I am so done with all your stupid mistakes! it's always something with you! you always mess up something. weather it's burning your toast, dropping something, messing up missions. you're too much!! " she screamed, getting really close to jay. she was shaking out of anger, and jay was shaking as well, but out of pure fear. tears were streaming down his face. " im- I'm so.. sorry nya. " jay whispered, his voice shaky and terrified. nya seemed to get even more angry at this, and out of pure anger she pushed him. " I'm done! we need to break up. I just can't do this anymore! " nya screamed, ignoring the fact that her now ex boyfriend was on the floor. he just, sat there stunned.

jay cried more and more. he cried until he couldn't cry anymore, and he couldn't breathe. he didn't even notice that Kai and zane were sitting next to him. Kai had his arm wrapped around him, and zane was on the other side of him, holding jays arm. " jay, can you hear us? are you alright? did something happen? " zane said softly, trying to snap jay out of whatever state he was in. Jay took a deep breath, and clung onto zanes arm. he was still sobbing, but he mustered up the strength to mumble " I'm so so sorry.. i- i- messed everything up today.. " zane and Kai both gave each other worried looks. they had never seen jay so worked up. " jay it was a simple mistake! do not worry. nobody is mad at you. " zane said, letting jay cling onto his arm and giving him a reassuring smile. jay immediately shot him a look, sobbing more. " nya- broke up.. with me.. because I'm such a failure. " jay said, trying to wipe his  tears. Kai immediately got up, going out of the room, presumably to go and see nya.

" jay, I need you to listen to me. Nya is mad right now, and I know it's hard she broke up with you but you didn't mean to do anything. it's okay. " zane said softly. he made jay stand up, and took him to his room. they both sat on the bed in silence until after a while, zane looked over and jay had fallen asleep. zane smiled, putting jay into a laying down position and quietly leaving the room. he then went and poked his head into Nyas room. he wanted to know more about this situation. obviously, everyone knew about what happened on the mission but why did she break up with him like that?

he then saw a crying nya, and a semi-comforting kai. he had never been the best person to comfort anyone, even his own sister. so seeing zane in the door way immediately made Kai usher him over.

" oh zane...? is jay okay? I want to apologize to him! where is he? " nya said, immediately springing up to her feet, practically grabbing zane by the neck. " he- he's in his room. id suggest you didn't go in there though, he cried himself to sle- " before zane could finish, nya was gone.

nya practically banged down jays door. when she came in, she saw jay sitting in his bed, sniffing. he was wiping his tears. his eyes were red and puffy from crying.

" jay.. I'm so- s- so sorry. " nya said, steadily approaching jay who was shaking again at the sound of her voice.  " nya?! I'm so sorry.. " jay squeaked, his voice cracking slightly.

" jay I never shouldve broken up with you over something so stupid.. you're my yang. please, be my boyfriend again? " she mumbled, tears pinching her eyes. she hugged jay and began crying. both of them could hear the other start to sob, jay for the second time today.

" yea.. I'll be your boyfriend again. I'm sorry for being so stupid. " jay mumbled, burying his face into her chest. nya just chuckled and sighed from relief at the same time.

" I'm the one that's stupid jay. but.. then again you were stupid. I guess we can be stupid together. "

art creds 🎨 : idk:(

[dykesbites]

ok im gonna focus my anger on to something else. anyways i rewatched night at the museum with my mom and it reminded me of how great the original one was and how god awful the sequel was. like yeah there were some iffy things in the first movie (larry going "civil war guys stop fighting slavery is bad" and they immediately stop fighting and agree with him + the romans and the cowboy miniatures allowed to roam free while the maya are locked up + avid bison hunter teddy roosevelt dating sacagawea + despite their incredibly rich history there's zero black people present etc) but overall the film itself was fun and had a plotline that made sense. it was cheesy and kind of obvious but its a kids movie. then the sequel happened.

ohh my god this movie was so so so bad. like racist/misogynistic bad but also narratively unsatisfying. the worst crime to me was that they literally removed almost all of the old iconic characters from the first film? teddy only shows up in the beginning and the end, ahkmenrah is completely irrelevant, scagawea and attila are locked up most of the time, jed is stuck in the hourglass...none of them have any importance to the actual action despite being THE reason that larry returns to the museum!!

oh and larry totally ditches his son like nick gives him a bunch of information then he loses service on his phone and then...never attempts to contact him again. this poor kid is probably worried sick that his father is being killed by lions or sabretooth tigers.

second worst thing to do with characters: literally all of the new characters were so so incredibly boring, and also didn't have like. a theme around them? it just felt so messy and thrown together, lacking the cohesion that everyone at the natural history museum had. none of the villains have much in common with each other either... and like im not a history expert but i find it very hard to imagine that al capone would work with royalty like come on. oh and kahmunrah was so boring, no real motivations at all. also whyyy is there an octopus.

actually i lied this is probably a worse crime. the mischaracterization of historical figures. i feel like im watching fucking hamilton here! im sorry but napoleon would not give a shit about larry and amelia's potential relationship and that joke wasn't even that funny anyway. WHY DID ABRAHAM LINCOLN ACT LIKE THAT (he was much more tolerable when he came back to the rescue but he was so awful when we met him). the einsteins were annoying. i could go on and on brother

ok moving away from bad writing to address the stuff that's just morally messed up. um. everything about general custer oh my fucking god. i will never forgive them for making sacagawea put up with his stupid ass. he is quite literally most famous for the fact that he tried to kill indigenous people. yeah it wasn't in sacagawea's lifetime but i find it hard to believe that things would just be totally chill between them. not to mention the fact that custer literally contributed nothing, he has an entire moment where larry coddles him for being a failure, then goes into the fight, immediately gets knocked out, and then tries to act like he led the battle. classic white man behavior.

and again, massive lack of black history. there's a moment of solidarity with amelia and the tuskeegee which was nice! genuinely sweet moment. but despite yknow being the race that has existed longer than any other. the tuskeegee are the only black people we see.

and of course the elephant in the room, the obnoxious focus on romance throughout the entirety of the film. the cherubs were super annoying. the thinker showing off his muscles to some random nymph statue or whatever. very weird. and the constant never ending awkward flirting between amelia and larry. like amelia is supposed to be a trailblazer for being a woman doing something impressive that was considered a man's job! so why are you reducing her to a pretty girl who punches people sometimes but mostly just kisses the protagonist even when he says he's not interested!! part of what made the og movie so good was that there were women in the story but none of them were romantically involved with him at all. even rebecca, who seemed like she was set up to be a love interest, was just a good friend of larry's. they were independent women with agency (aside from sacagawea but she shares that lack of agency with the other museum displays) and their own wants needs etc. and of course they had to add in the weirdness of having larry repeatedly say he's not interested in amelia (which makes sense, it would feel out of character for him to immediately be into it) and then have amelia kiss him anyways. really gross. oh and they cast amy adams to play amelia which. nothing against amy adams she's a brilliant actress but not the one for this role. google amelia earhart she's a pretty masculine/rougher woman. not the femme fatale in the movie.

ok i don't have a real conclusion here just my thoughts all dumped. if you read all of this o7 i salute you. feel free to comment/rb with your thoughts btw!