#and i cant fucking do this anymore i feel like im falling apart

[coffee-bat]

yknow i really hoped id bounce back quicker

[mainfaggot]

in conclusion, I have no choice but to try to recover again. or else another two years will pass me by and I'll be so fucking tired

[fleastinger]

[lepidopterium]

~~~

[pizzapizzadickz]

Haaaaah. It's been a while since I last wanted to cry from chronic conditions like this. Haah.

[pinkcadillaccas]

Anyone else feeling the relentless march of time on this Saturday night

[evvlogetarian]

I'm just going to complain in tags sorry 😔 I should be better but...alas...

[therewithinthestars]

.

[confused-queer-talks]

I was thinking about where I'd be if I was a part of the apocalypse in tma season 5 (like, what fear entity would be torturing me) and a really good song thats also kinda fucked up came on and I think that thought train made me realize one of my worst fears, so ya know. Normal thursday morning for me. Totally won't not leave my head now

[caruliaa]

whatever im totally fine im totally not on the verge of tears im totally not deciding right now that im never going to call someone my best friend again becuase i feel like its going to just lead to them caring less and less about me some fucking how until it leads to them forgetting to actually celebrate my brithday with me its fine its fine

[nyancrimew]

fucked up sorta intoxicated long vent

cw: uuh mental health, drugs, suicide mentions, very much is just an existential crisis put into post form

this is not a suicide note or anything, im about to go cuddle up with my wife and go to sleep i just had to get my fucked up thoughts out, i might delete this tomorrow

meaning

it's so hard to find meaning in life anymore. i live for those around me, for those i love, those who love me back. yet i keep hurting them, everything keeps falling apart. i live out of spite, i cant let authority win. yet im slowly giving up my cause. i live to prove a point. ive long forgotten what point it even is anymore.

there hasnt really been any new compelling reason to keep going in over 10 years now. i honestly wonder how much it even really takes anymore to drive me to suicide. it can't be that much, im already always living on edge.

i just barely know who i even am anymore, ive largely forgotten the first 20 years of my life, and the last 3 are mostly just fog as well. forced to live in the moment, carrying all the baggage of all the previous moments i dont even have memories of anymore.

how are people just like able to keep living, regularly finding joy. how are people able to deal with bad times without immediately pondering all the ways in which they could kill themselves in?

god i need therapy so fucking bad. i keep dragging down everyone around me. how can i fix all the damage ive done, a sorry won't do. how can i fix all the damage done to me, no sorry will ever do.

why are the only options to just keep going, ignoring all the pain, or ending it all forever. where is the restart button, where can i reset, rewind, apply what ive learned to the situations where i fucked up. how do i go back and undo all the trauma. the trauma i experienced myself and the trauma i put on others.

we're all just lost children in a world not made for us. where is our world. where is the place in which we can find solace. your arms make me feel safe, and at home. but i know you feel the same way i do.

it pains me to know we're in this together, god if only i could bear your pain, if only i could bear everyone elses pain. it hurts me to know you feel this way too. no one should have to know how this feels. i wanna take on all the pain in this world so i can leave and turn the world around.

am i just failing at being a part of this society or is society failing me. i am like one bureaucratic fuck up away from dying alone on the street with no roof over my head. i cannot be self dependent, why does this society fully expect such a thing of me.

is this all worth it for the few moments of bliss, for sparing the people around me from the pain of losing me. would the pain of losing me be greater than the pain i cause every day?

i am lost. i dont know anymore. fuck i need therapy. or just anything that can fix me. the drugs certainly haven't yet, but at least i also have dependency to fight with now i guess.

yea fuck man idk

[munsons-mutiny]

Headcanon that next season it’s Steve not Jonathan who catches Will staring at Mike with patented Wheeler Longing. He knows that look, hell he invented that look.

And is very first thought is God Damn I’m just collecting Gays at this point.

He makes an effort to spend more time with Will when he realizes. While they’re all volunteering and just doing their best in the weeks after losing Eddie, he always tries to make sure Will knows he sees him.

As they get closer he starts taking wise cracks at El and Mike whenever they’re around, stupid sassy comments that never fail to make Will smile or even laugh. Eventually he even starts roping Will into teasing Robin for being hopeless with girls. (Robin is of course in on it and has approved being outed in this scenario, Steve would never have revealed it otherwise)

The first time it had happened Will had frozen up completely looking around to see who was listening, he looked terrified. But Steve just kept his reaction natural and Robin just rolled her eyes talking about all of his strike outs last summer. Their usual banter filling the space until Will could breathe again, could join back in to give Robin shit.

His smiles are even brighter after that, even more open, and sometimes when the three of them are alone he comments on a cute boy he saw, or really rants about Mike. Steve and him bond over Wheeler rants, even though Steve really is over Nancy now.

When shit inevitably kicks off again, Steve keeps an even closer eye on Will. He’s one of the people that he’s overprotective of now, and it’s the first time one of those people have been the focus of the enemies. Have had a target painted on their back. It has him so stressed already, that he hits his breaking point the day they encounter Kaz.

Not Eddie. Cause he’s not Eddie, not anymore. He nearly took a bite out of Dustin, and Johnathon had to restrain Mike to stop him from running to him. Only stopped fighting when Kaz grinned at him blood covered fangs and dead eyes.

It was a bad day.

They somehow all make it back to the cabin unscathed, and Steve has to keep it together. Has to make himself strong while Dustin falls apart in his arms, and Mike is pacing and shouting at anyone who will listen. Tears streaming down his face. He keeps it together for hours, til Dustin falls asleep against him, and Will finally got Mike to sit down and pass out. Only when he’s sure he can escape unnoticed, does he stand and let himself outside to the back of the cabin.

The second he’s there he collapses into sobs. Falls to the ground and puts his face in his hands to muffle them. Shakes with the effort of it all.

It doesn’t take long for an arm to wrap around him as he’s tugged into and awkward side hug. When he looks up it’s to see Will comfortingly just there as much as he can be. They sit silently for what feels like hours before Steve finally speaks,

“I’m sorry”

“Why on earth are you apologizing?”

“I can usually keep it together better than this, they need me to be strong right now.”

“Nothing about this makes you weak. This is such a fucked up situation, this is worse than just losing him. And I know how important he was to the party. Im sorry I didn’t realize how important he was to you” Steve just shakes his head at him,

“He wasn’t not really, I only knew him after everything started going down. Only really spoke to him a handful of times. And honestly I didn’t even like him!” Steve’s voice picks up hear going higher and almost frantic, “He was annoying! And touchy! He gave me so much shit, and was always all over me! He flirted constantly, and was totally insufferable, and honestly I’m pretty sure Dustin liked him more than me! And! And….” His voice deflates on the last and, the fight and anxiety going out of him, “I couldn’t get him out of my fucking head man.” Will almost cant believe what he’s hearing.

“Steve are you?- Did you?” He almost cant ask the question, figured Steve would’ve told him by now if he was. What with their little group of queers that Steve tends to watch over. Heck Robin had even called him the unicorn collector! Like he was separate from them!

Steve just shakes his head frantically, “No! Or yes? More like maybe” He just sights putting his head back in his hands, “ I don’t even know anymore, there had always been fleeting attraction to guys but never anything- real, never anything like this! And then- well, he was gone before I ever got a chance to figure it out. Before we ever got a chance.” And he looks small, defeated like he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and Will can’t stand it.

“Well then we save him, we get him back, and you figure it out”

[munsonsguitarp1ck]

out of control

eddie munson eats pussy like his last meal.

warnings:smut 18+, minors dni,oral , praise kink, mommy kink, thighs mentioned, cum eating, little bit of a degradation kink, kinda subish eddie if you squint, slight mention of a daddy kink

a/n: guys help this is so poorly written

part 2 ⬇️⬇️

——————————————————————————

“baby please??” he pleads with the most desperate look on his face, he’s been begging you to let him eat you out for the past 10 minutes

“are you sure you want to ?? i haven’t shaved in a while ed’s.. “ you frown “and i’ve never had anyone want to before, anytime i’ve asked they would give me weird looks and shut me down..” the way your voice sounded so upset made his heart break a little, “ sweetheart, to be honest with you i could give two shits less, i don’t shave so i don’t expect you to either plus i think it’s hot, and i’m not like those shitty guys, i would do anything for you …” he trails off and you meet his eyes,filled with “…and..im sure your pretty little pussy tastes so good..”

you clench your thighs together tightly, your mind has suddenly changed and you need his tongue in between your wet folds.

“i need you,please mommy ?” you nod your head, and he’s down on his knees grasping and kissing up and down your thighs slowly sliding them apart, his fingers trail up to your lower abdomen and play with the waist band of your pants the wetness is pooling into your panties as he hooks his fingers and pulls down your pants. “fuckkk baby, you’ve soaked through your pretty little panties” he practically moans, your face turns bright red and you cover your face with your hands, making him smile, he pulls your hands away from you face “i wanna see the pretty faces you make when you cum for me baby, keep your hands down for me, m’kay ? he rubs a finger up and down your clothed folds, you throw your head back in pleasure releasing a small needy moan, he finds your clit and starts rubbing small,antagonizing, slow circles. you’ve gained desperate for him.

“ed’s, i need you” you say in a breathy moan. he pulls your underwear down around your thighs slowly sucking on them as he goes,leaving small dark marks holding eye contact with you, you almost cum and he’s barely touched you. he gives you a smirk, and begins to lick up your thighs, he lets out a low deep groan when he sees the pool of wetness starting to form on his sheets below you. “are you ready baby?” you practically beg “fuck, please eds, i need you so bad” “what a greedy little slut.” he tsks licking up and down your folds and connecting with your clit, flicking his tongue over your swollen bud. you lace your hands in his hair pulling tightly,grinding into his face causing him to let out a deep moan sending vibrations through your core. “you taste fucking amazing” he says lapping up all your juices, beginning to suck harder, your eyes roll to the back of your head and you let out a high pitched scream. “fuckk,eddie, baby, your doing so f-fucking good don’t stop”

his hard cock is strained against his tight jeans causing him to rut into the mattress to find some relief.

he brings his other hand up and teases your core, slowly sliding a finger in “f-fuck baby you feel so good” he pants, you start to feel the heat in your lower stomach “i’m close, baby i’m close don’t stop, your so good baby fuck” a string of moans and praises fall out of your mouth as he slips another finger in finding your soft velvety spot, hitting it over and over. “your taking my fingers so well, i’m stretching out your pussy so nice m-mommy” he moans into your pussy, it’s all so much, his fingers in your dripping core, his perfect lips wrapped around your clit and your hands in his hair. you cant take it anymore, you slowly feel the coil in your stomach coming undone, “eddie i’m gonna c-cum” he scissors his fingers faster and circles his clit with his tongue, “that’s it baby, be a good girl and cum all over daddies face” his words are enough to send you over the edge grasping and pulling at his hair, letting out small screams and whiny moans ,he coax’s you through your orgasm letting you completely soak his face and down his chin. once your finished he slowly pulls away and flashes you the biggest grin , you notice how soaked his face his “oh my god baby i’m so sorry, it just felt so good, and your so good and i-“ he cuts off your babbling “that was the hottest thing i’ve ever seen” he licks around his lips and wipes his chin with his arm causing a small giggle to leave your lips. you look down into his lap and see the huge tent in his pants,you smirk…

“now it’s my turn to make you feel good”

part 2 ? maybe possibly, depending on how hard this flops 🫦

edit: i posted a part 2 😏

[ganondoodle]

i might have talked about it before but i kinda wanna rant a lil how nonsensical both the "getting of the time reversal" and "giving zelda the mastersword" things are

bc ... to get the time reversal powers you touch a ... ghost of the enigma stone that used to be there .. and i GUESS it was the one zelda has now but used to be raurus and since its now linked to her we get .... link being astral projected into ghosty dimension similar to the other sages and we get zeldas sage power, but .. how does that even work, zelda, having supposedly long lost her soul to being a dragon is somehow still able to do the whole sage thing of taking you to fogland mclight dimension, just doesnt tell you the same stuff the other sages do word for word (thank GOD)

but how did that even manifest? even ignoring her soul being GONE how can she make that oath or whatever while shes not awake and just floating there, what business does the ghost engima stone have there and why dont the others have something similar to where they were once stored (in the forgotten temple backrooms tm bc we cant have the sonau NOT touch a thing in this world all of the sudden-)

is it bc they were like ... released of their holder from the old sages since they had long died and those go back to being big floaty stones (for whatever reason .. shouldnt have sonias stone done the same when gan took it then??)- also zeldas ability being put into the hand ability wheel while we gotta chase down the damn sages any time you want to use one of their abilities is so unfair .. you could have made the sages usable .. but no ..

its a relatively small complaint compared to the rest but it still bothers me bc it just ... feels so contrived, like it feels to be so clearly just some loose string to get you that power

the same with the weird ass time bubble to get the mastersword back in time to zelda just so she can have a flimsy reason to do what she does (we wouldnt want the character this series is named after be an actual CHARACTER instead of a pretty prize at the end now would we??) and its jsut so .......... why not have her grab the broken master sword as shes falling into the past (SOMEHOW) or it falling down with her bc really link shouldnt maybe not be able to hold it anymore- wait he reaches for her with that hurt hand .. so he did drop it .. and it somehow got back to him instead of being put into the past WITH zelda right then and there?? why??

(also ..rauru just teleporting him to the sky island ... wasnt that arm the last bits of raurus physical body? was his ghost just chilling up there the whole time- ... can ghosts in totk control and teleport their physical, dead limbs to whereever their ghost is? why can a ghost even be so far apart from the rest of his remains .... or was that spiraling energy stuff just him slowly turning into a ghost there ... but my point about ghosts controlling their dead limbs still stands- WAIT he ALSO has to be able to ... SEE somehow bc he grabbed link before he fell too .... the way he talks when you find him chilling on the island tho is like hes seeing it all for the first time too .. so .. he wasnt a ghost yet and still knew where to go .. even tho the place is somehwere totally different to where it used to be and if he became a ghost right there why couldnt you see him when he grabbed link... if the hand that grabbed link wasnt actual the one that fell off gan why does it look like it then? bc gan hand was long and thin with long ass class and raurus actual ghost hands are barely different from typical human ones- .. i think im having more thoughts about this point thant nintendo had over the entirety of making the game .... also fuck rauru for doing the fake out "oooh noooo im fading awayyy" thing just so he doesnt have to answer any of your thousand questions i guess, only to return at the end going, "actually, i want my arm back and yours was fine anyway lol, and here sonia is here too for some reason! also check this out! zelda is back and you didnt have to do shit, isnt that cool?")

the weird time bubble makes me so angry when i remmeber it exists bc it just .. makes NO sense?? what even is it?? if it was a foreshadowing to zelda learning to use her new time powers and you find more over time in the game where she manifests mroe and more until she manages to return on her own like it was kinda teased with sonia tellign her shell find a way to use her new powers to go back since she (SOMEHOW) also got herself here and that point going nowhere like so many other points (hows it going impah, foudn a way to get zelda back yet? dont bother, turns out the solution was 'beat the bad guy' and it all solved itself) OK fine, that works

BUT ITS NOT a foreshadowing of anything, the time bubble thing is just THERE and it drives me nuts, it really only adds to this whole game feeling so weirdly held together by loose strings and it just gets worse the more you think

[you-need-not-apply]

rant

i dont think i like anything about me and i fucking hate that i like some stuff and i want to chnage and be better andf just fuck i just everything is to fucking much i cant be fucking perfect i know that but i hate not being so and im so stressed all the time like all the time and nothing is going right and i feel as though i might as well die because who gives a fuck anymore i need a drink i need a smoke i just fucking want to kill myself and im tired of pretending i dont i cant do it anymore i just fucking cant im falling apart and i hate them i hate ihate i fucking hate them i love writing but everything is bitter and i hate this and im wasting my entire fucking,oife doing fucking tumblr and ao3 and its the only thing that makes me feel okay but at the same time i become more and more usless and unimportant each time i open the app and im going to fail if i dont pay attentiom but its the only thing that makes me feel aliev and im allowed to want that why cant i want that i want i hate i fucking cant anymore

[louscartridge]

off limits?

tw- fem reader, angst, swearing, lowercase intended, me sucking at writing  

request-  hello! i heard you wanted requests for kevin from mental lords so how about kevin falling in love with hunters sister and him confessing and how hunter feels about it. you absolutely don’t have to write this. thank you!

also yes hunter says “heay” at the end

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“no no riiiight here” y/n said taking hold of the brown haired boy’s index finger to the second fret of the a string, walking him through playing the b major cord. you play guitar and kev wanted to give it a try. needless to say- hes confused.

“hey.. HEY! tooooo close guys way too close!” your brother hunter yells, stomping down the stairs to the basement and pushes the two of you apart.

“relax dude we weren’t doing anything”

hunter always had one rule for all of his friends. one and that was all; siblings are off limits. pretty reasonable right? considering hunter doesnt have many friends, it was never a problem - or so he thought. kevin had always had a liking for y/n but in the past few months that liking had progressed to loving.

“i play guitar too you know. just ask me”

-----------------

a like months time skip brought to you by my sisters mud potion

-----------------

“i mean seriously kevin what is your deal?” you whisper yell despite the basement you two are in being soundproof.

kevin had been avoiding you for the past couple of months out of nowhere, leaving you upset and confused.

“i mean seriously, every time you come here it’s to hang out with hunter and you don’t even bother to look at me!”

“nothing! nothing is wrong i’m fine.”

“that’s not what i asked kevin”

every time you guys speak you both get louder and louder

“so why the hell are you ignoring me?!”

“because you make me want things i can’t fucking have!” he said louder than anything either of you had said throughout the entire argument.

“seriously kevin?”

no answer.

“kevin.”

no answer.

“whatever”

-----------------

another time skip brought to you by me and hannah being on ft (i love hannah sosososooso much she’s the best so super sexy and cool)

-----------------

kevin nervously stands in front of the basment door of the sylvesters, the faint sound of hunter playing the guitar could be heard behind it.

“i can do it. i mean really it’s not that big of a deal.” kevin whispers to himself

once he forced himself into the basement he just stood there for a bit until hunter finished playing Aces High by Iron Maiden. kevin was hoping he would just move on to playing another song so that he could walk away.

“jesus christ kevin- do you plan on killing me?”

or not.

“uh- no actually. i wanna tell you something? or ask? i dont really know how to word it but i know you pro-”

“kevin shut up, slow down take a minute to think of how to word it. then tell me.”

after a few seconds of kevin thinking about it he desides to just go for it.

“ithinkiminlovewithy/n”

hunter drops his guitar out of his lap from the state of shock causing him to say nothing but a small

“shit”

a few minutes of the two musicians sitting in awkward silence and hunter still hasn’t said anything.

“soo uhhh-”

“y/n. as in my sister. y/n??”

“well yeah. why do you think i’m telling you this.”

“you know.”

those two words caused kevin to panic. ’is he gonna kick me out of the band?’ ‘is he gonna say we cant be friends anymore?’ the possibilities raced through his mind.

“anyone else i would’ve been really mad,” he paused for a moment “but- i trust you enough for you guys to be okay”

“really?” kevin hopefully questions

hunter sighs before answering “really.” he confirms “go”

“....where?”

“go go go” hunter hurriedly rushed his best friend up the stairs to the small hallway

“go make a move i suppose”

“ok ok okayyy im going!”

kevin knocks gently on the door of y/n’s room, soon being followed by her swiftly opening the door.

“oh my god. what do you want”

“to apologise to you”

“for real?”

“mhm”

you stand there for a second before roling your eyes and walking away to your bed leaving you door open, kevin taking this as him being allowed to follow you. closing the door behind him he sits next to you flattening the black blanket underneath him. neither of you say anyhing the only sound being the slipknot song you were previously playing on your guitar. you and hunter had always had different music tastes. sure, both in an alternative scene but yours being more nu metal and emo than his.

“i wanted- no” kevin sighs, now not knowing how to word it to you. so instead, he went back to not saying anything.

“ok?” you pick your guitar back up continuing to try and play Vermillion.

kevin looked around your room, inspecting your poster covered walls. there was barely any actual wall visible, all of the paint covered with the likes of deftones, pierce the veil, silverstain, icon for hire, lamb of god, volbeat, kittie and so many more, half of which he had never even heard of.

once he noticed he’s just been sitting next to you doing nothing, he turns faceing your side sitting cris-crossed, causing you to stop playing.

“you gonna apologise anytime soon?” you asked harshly

“oh- yeah sorry. i’m sorry..... you wanna know why i was ignoring you? i love you. there. i love you and i was scared that i was starting to like my bestfriend’s sister. was ignoring you the solution? no. was it stupid? yes.”

after you didn’t say anything he started to panic. again.

“sooo here i am. not ignoring you. are we switching the roles now?”

not knowing what to say you turn around faceing him now you too siting cris-crossed. taking a shaky breath out you grab his shoulders pulling him closer to you, and you lean into a kiss. he was taken aback at first, but once he realised what was happening he kissed you back, moving his hands to your cheeks.

“oh shit. no… no” you suddenly pull away, panicking

“what?”

“hunter? what about hunter? you’re his best friend! i shouldn’t be kissing you!”

“no no its ok i spoke to him before coming up here. actually he kinda pushed me up here- not that i didnt wanna tel-”

“ok i get it just stop talking and-”

before you can finish you sentence you’re interrupted by hunter swinging open your door.

“heay!! i may have told you it was ok, but don’t be moving so damn fast!”