#im ashamed i cant think of any more but im tired

[ariseur]

I’m the sephiroth hc anon, yea I was referring to the sfw and nsfw, sorry for not specifying :0

sephiroth (n)sfw hc’s 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

sephiroth (ffvii) x reader

┊ ˚➶ notes ｡˚ 🎼

guys the motivation is coming back to me TRUST ME i’m slowly but surely working on it.. 🙏🙏

┊ ˚➶ warnings ｡˚ 🎼

post nibelheim sephiroth being jealous, possessive, a little toxic and manipulative, mentions of sephiroths touch repulsion and touch starvation, nsfw will have a warning before it, intended lowercase, lmk if i missed anything!! 💕

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

❥ soooo!!!1!1!1

❥ let me start off with pre-nibelheim headcanons because i miss a more domestic and ‘normal’ sephiroth rather than.. crazy seph lol

❥ so now let’s get into the actual thing!!

❥ i do not think that sephiroth is familiar with love whether it’s pre or post nibelheim, and if you read up on my angsty / comfort sephiroth fics you’ll see how i love the portrayal of where he’s so beloved by his fanclub and the public due to being a, “war hero” despite not feeling any close love like how you’d love him. the closest he’d get to developing emotional attachments would be his relationship with genesis and angeal (and maybe zack).

❥ it’ll take a while for sephiroth to fully trust and put his faith in you, but he’s actually very mature about romance. he doesn’t get very jealous and he’s very confident in your relationship and bond, if you read up on my jealousy hc’s i explain more there!!

❥ and when he really trusts you.. he’ll even let you perform his hair care routine on him when he’s too tired to do it himself. as you’ve seen, his hair is absolutely gorgeous and while he spends like an hour in the shower on just his hair— he spends more time when he’s out the shower as well with all the after product 😭.

❥ he enjoys having you brush his hair in the mornings and if you have long hair, he’ll return the favor. nothing’s better than sephiroth’s gentle hand cradling your head as he softly brushed through your strands, trying his hardest not to snag too hard on any tangles. if you’re comfortable with it, he’ll even hop in the shower with you and wash your hair for you. he’s not ashamed of nudity, he finds it a very normal and humanizing experience— knowing you can still be so vulnerable and not have it be sexual. he loves when you wash his hair for him too tho, it’s just super long so it’ll take a while lol.

❥ i cant see him as a morning person. i saw a post that he said, “sephiroths not a morning person, he’s a ‘im up because I have to be but if anyone talks to me, there will be murder’ person.” and i totally agree with that. you’ll wake him up, mentioning how he reminded you to wake up him bright and early tomorrow yet there you’d be, shaking his shoulder gently and he mutters a plea of five minutes more before pulling you closer.

❥ i definitely think that you guys would have to keep your love life private considering his job unless you’re like.. around angeal or maybe genesis. possibly zack, but you guys would have to make him promise that he wouldn’t tell anyone because he’d literally be so shocked. otherwise he’d go run to kunsel and brag about his knowledge or be so jaw dropped that he runs to angeal and is even more shocked when he already knows??? like, was he the only one who didn’t know about this whole thing??

❥ it’ll take a while for sephiroth to get comfortable with physical touch. although he secretly yearns for it, he’s also touch repulsed sometimes. it’s not that he’s appalled by you or your touch, it’s just that he’s gone so long without it that it’s foreign to him. once he gets used to it, he’ll eventually search for it and come looking for you in need of just some head massages or even just to rest his chin on your shoulder and view whatever you’re doing. he kinda does what cats do when they nuzzle the sides of their heads into your chest and like rub their noses into you.

❥ i’d like to think sephiroth’s very meticulous, so if you ever invite him in doing an activity such as baking or art or something, he WILL have to do it right or else he’ll get frustrated.

❥ as aforementioned, seph isn’t well versed in healthy love or adoration so if you even do a small task for him such as doing a chore he planned to do or cooking him pasta when he comes home— it will make him feel all gooey inside even if he won’t show it. he’s always calm and collected but, “even the coolest of people try their damndest to be alright,” as i mentioned in one of my headcanons for cloud lolol. he’s appreciative of even the small gestures, always making sure to thank you for your efforts as he knows they’re filled with love.

❥ for post nibelheim, though.. he’s lowkey manipulative. if you knew him before he found out about the jenova project, i’m assuming you’re only with him in hopes that he has some humanity within him that you can restore— well, that or you just like crazy men lol. he will definitely use that against you as a way of making you stay, always promising he’ll change after completing his plans with you by his side.

❥ if you met him post nibelheim though, he’ll be utterly fascinated with you as you’re basically his new toy. and he’ll follow you, regardless of when you met him. he’ll never let you leave his side after he’s gone crazy as he’s constantly reassuring you that his mothers legacy will be fulfilled, and that he can only do that when you’re beside him with support. it almost feels like it’s a shell of sephiroth. he never does any of the things he used to do before he was aware of who he really was, he’ll barely even let you touch him. he’s constantly on guard whenever you two are out, always keeping a hand around your waist or shoulder so that you don’t run off.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

NSFW BELOW ꨄ︎

❥ id like to think of pre-nibelheim sephiroth as a soft dom. always being gentle, even when you’re sucking him off so nicely that he can’t help but grip your hair— he always makes sure not to pull it too hard and instead bites on his hand until there’s marks. he’ll always cater to you too, treating you like a pillow prince(ss) and is literally at your beck and call. he will not tolerate brattiness though and will definitely punish you if needed!! he’s just so kind, it’s only fair that he reciprocates the same words you give him :(((

❥ i don’t think sephiroths that experienced, but i don’t think he’s a virgin either. he doesn’t have the time to pursue intimate relationships, but he’s definitely experimented with one or two of his fangirls or something. he sort of regrets it now, considering it wasn’t all that intimate.

❥ like i said, it’ll take a while for sephiroth to even get used to physical contact let alone initiate it, but once you guys do finally have sex, he is literally the sweetest. he’s probably a little rusty lol but he’s a very quick learner!! guide him and teach him how to make you feel good, it makes his chest swell with pride once he gets you making those cute little sounds :(((

❥ let me tell you this man is huge though. he’s around nine to ten inches in length and he’s a big girthier than average. he has like two prominent veins, one on the underside of his shaft and one on the left side. when he cums, it’s a pretty pearly translucent color and right before he blows it beads at the tip as he tries to hold it in.

❥ sephiroth would like to think that there’s a possibility that you two could have kids, although his duties and reputation (and future events..) kind of prevent that. so i think there’s a breeding kink in there somewhere, but if you’re not okay with it then he’s totally fine!! it might sting a little if you don’t want kids, but in the end its your body, your choice— and he will respect that!!

❥ if you’re a virgin, he’d like to make your experience worth while and makes it very clear to you that he’s beyond honored to have been your first. he’ll even place you on the softest satin pillows while he gently thrusts into you, interlacing fingers and slowly pinning them against your head while he watches for your expressions. if you get shy or look away, he’ll always let go of one of your hands to redirect your chin back to him with a soft, “look at me, darling.”

❥ he relishes in the soft sounds of your giggles, watching as you look over the display he set up for you with roses and a meticulously made bed for you, a trick he had learned from genesis once when sephiroth had been too worried of not being able to satiate your need for intimacy. seph would lift you gently, giving you a small kiss and carefully maneuvering his way to the sheets before ceremoniously laying you down beneath him. he savors these lax moments during sex, not just the serious ones.

❥ post nibelheim is a little iffy, he’s definitely more possessive and aggressive when he’s having sex. he’s also very condescending with his words, i can sense a dumbification kink somewhere..

❥ as i’ve said before, post nibelheim seph won’t let you out of his sight most of the time. so he’s so possessive that if he sees you talking to someone else in public, once you find your way back to him, you’ll have wished you never greeted them. he’ll mercilessly press your face against the mattress or table or whatever you guys are on, and talks about how silly it was for you to talk to someone so casually when you clearly knew he was watching.

❥ i don’t think he’d let you top him that much, maybe once in a blue moon would he let you act like you have control over him— but the moment you get too cocky, he’ll remind you of who really has the most control once he grips your hip dips and flips you over, catlike, vindictive mako eyes glinting in the shadows of his body.

❥ again, i’m sorry but it’s the truth, also a little manipulative. post nibelheim sephiroth would accuse you of talking to other men or wanting them to satisfy you instead. he’d grit his teeth and roll his hips even harder— claiming he’d just have to show you how much he’s ruined you for other people. they are but boys but he, he is a man. and he’ll make sure you know that by the time the day ends and the sun seeps through curtains.

❥ pre sephiroth makes love, post sephiroth fucks. there’s a huge difference.

[hearts4leeknow]

Chicken Nuggets || Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: angst-fluff (hurt/comfort?)

Warning(s)?: hurtful words (hannie didnt mean it), Han is a little bit of a meanie (but he makes up for it)

Han Jisung x Reader

Summary: You storm off into you and Hannies shared bedroom with hurt feelings. Han knows he messed up but thinks an apology isn’t enough so he makes some chicken nuggets for you <3

a/n: My friends were giving me suggestions and this one is from my friend @ghostaurel <33

“you’re so clingy it’s suffocating you know? Can you not see I don’t wanna talk to you!”

Han’s words repeated in your head over and over again each time you heard it you’d let out a sob. Does he really think i’m that clingy? No, was the answer but his words earlier said otherwise. Han knew he was wrong as soon as the filthy words left his mouth, his heart hurt when he saw the tears build up in your eyes due to the words he had spewed, yet he couldn’t think in the moment so he said nothing else. He regrets saying nothing, it probably made him look worse but he cant do anything to change that now, the past is the past. Jisung spent the first 10 minutes alone in the living room thinking about how to apologize, he felt tears brim up in his eyes, he felt terrible. He didn’t mean it he just couldn’t come up with any song ideas for their new album coming out soon. Jisung knew it wasnt an excuse, he also knows a simple ‘i’m so sorry’ or ‘i’m sorry’ won’t fix anything. He already has hurt your feelings twice this week due to stress, his sorry wont mean anything to you and he knew it. So he decided to do more this time, make a midnight snack for the two of you to enjoy together to finally spend time together after him staying in the studio for who knows how long. It was the least he could do.

Chicken Nuggets, is the first thing that came to mind when he thought of foods and snacks you liked. And so that’s what he made. Han saw some dino nuggets in the freezer so he defrosted them and put them into the toaster oven to heat up, he then went ahead and attempted to make star nuggets for you. He wasn’t very good at cooking like the other members but Jisung tried. He collected all the ingredients whisking, stirring and pouring ingredients. Finally he looked at the clock, 1:47AM he read. Are you even still awake? he wondered, his question was answered when he heard the bedroom door unlock revealing a tired, teary eyed, you.

“Baby! I made some dino and star nuggets for you as an apology because I assumed an ‘im sorry’ wouldn’t be enough for the damage I caused and the hurt I caused you..” He looked down feeling ashamed.

“Hmmh” You hummed in response, walking towards the dining table sitting yourself down.

“I am really sorry, I didn’t mean any of those horrible words I said to you. I said them in the heat of the moment and it wasn’t right of me. I’ve just had no ideas for songs and it’s been stressing me out since the deadline of those are in 2 weeks, yes I know it’s no excuse for what I said. I lashed out again, and I promise i’ll change for the better, for you. I’m really sorry baby!” Jisung apologized tears filling up his boba eyes yet again, his tone of voice and eyes practically begging for him to be forgiven. He was guilty and you could tell, his body language said it all.

“Hannie, it’s okay and I understand I was prying you a lot and probably disturbing you, but you know I care for you and whenever you feel stressed take a breather and talk to me about it next time instead of building it up and lashing out on me?” You give a small smile showing you do forgive him.

“Yes, I promise to talk to you and take breaks next time! I just can’t guarantee this won’t happen again in the future, but I will do everything I can to prevent it!” He had tears rolling down his face but he held a proud smile. In that moment he heard a ‘ding!’ meaning the dino and star nuggets were done! Jisung took them out and put them on a plate for you and him to share.

“Ji! don’t forget about the ketchup meteorite!” You giggle watching Jisung pull open the fridge looking for the ketchup bottle.

“Ji to your right on the door of the fridge.” You smile at his confused state frantically trying to find the ketchup. He let out a small ‘ohh’ and opened the lid forcing some ketchup out of the bottle.

“ahh” You said waiting for him to feed you a chicken nugget.

“Okay wait” Jisung quickly went to wash his hands speeding back and dipping a Star nugget into the ketchup feeding it to you.

“This is the one I made, how is it babe?” He questioned trying to tell by your expression.

Your eyes light up, “Woah, this is actually amazing” Your voice was muffled due to the fact you’re still chewing.

“Thank you Ji-baby!” You have a bright smile and a peck on the cheek as a reward.

“The least I could baby~” He gave you a sly smirk, giving you a kiss on the nose.

“try one!” You hold up a star nugget up to his lips waiting for him to take a bite.

“Mmm, you’re right it is good..” Jisung looked at you with his cheeks stuffed with chicken nuggets.

“You’re a cutie you know that!” You poke his cheek earning a pout from poor Jisung. You shoved two dino nuggets into your mouth mimicking Han.

“AWWW, you’re cuter babe!” He squealed with his loud persona, as your face flushed a light pink.

“Baby…I love you. You know that right?” Han expressed, in a calmer matter.

“Yes Hannie, and you know, I love you too” You two shared a kiss full of love and passion. That’s how your night went on, laughs and giggles were to be heard as you and Jisung were having the time of your lives in the dining room at now 2:57AM not yet asleep.

-FIN-

a/n: i’m actually really proud of this one! Lmk if you guys want more things like this!

[borderline-culture-is]

(Long vent that may mot be ordered right or make sense bc im tired rn)

I’m so fucking done with this life tbh. Like from the bottom of my heart. I wish i can kill myself but im too scared. Thats that damn problem though, im still forcing myself to suffer because im a coward, i cant even make ip my mind to end it. I cant get therapy, or any type of medication because my parents dont care enough to notice even tho my symptoms are very bad. and even when i become an adult, id probably not be able to. I have no dreams for the future, i have no money, nothing. ill probably have to live with them for way longer. And im still not going to be able to kms ofc, im going to live very long and THATS THE PROBLEM. I cant fucking tell snyone irl about my mental issues because im too ashamed. In fact, im so fucking embarrassed that i fake a personality everyday to make myself as perfect as possible. Everyone thinks im really nice, kind, and patient. When in fact im really a fucking shitty person who just pretends to be cool and shit. All because im too fucking embarrassed to admit im mentally ill. How could anyone like me for who i actually am?? Hell, I cant even admit im autistic, even though its nothing to be ashamed of. I just know my parents will laugh at me and id rather die than hear it from them

Im at my fucking limits everyday, and im tired all the time even if notbing even happened. I have anxiety attacks weekly for no reason at all, and no one knows. I hate being this good at masking.

I cry in my room all the time, and sometimes i have to force myself to let it out because im so numb. I hate it when im breaking down and my parents are in the kitchen laughing and enjoying themsleves like its just another day.

I feel so apathetic and nihlisitic. I have felt lonely my entire life because i cant relate to anyone. I know people only like the person they see on the surface, not the person i am inside

Ive told many people online about my issues, and i dont know if its not helping much or im too numb to feel any good emotions. But either way, ive realised that it might hurt me too. Im just normalising living this way more because im able to vent to people without actually getting any professional help. And this is just one out of the billions of unhealthy coping mechanisms i have. But i have no other choice. I need to cope somehow because i cant get treatment, and if these mechanisms dont work, i need to try harder and make myself more ill. Its not like i can be fixed anymore, so oh fucking well.

yesterday, my parents confronted me abt how i always looked tired, they asked me if i was being bullied at school. That pissed me off. Why?? Have they ever took the time to realise they maybe theyre the ones causing it?? No, i am not being bullied, and the only reason for that is my good masking skills. Do i need to get bullied to be ill enough? Am i still not bad enough for you to care??

-🌟

.

[typekiku]

TSUKIHIME FASHION REVIEW 2!!

HELLO EVERYONE!!

it is i your epic and incredible kiku

patiently waits for applause

well damn ok no applause...

MOVING ON... considering im just screaming into the void who cares for applause anyways RIGHT?

so this is more of me ranting about the designs of the characters from the single greatest media franchise since barney that is tsukihime. lets get right into it with the man the legend the GOAT the weirdo our beloved...

SHIKI TOHNO

this man saw a bad bitch like arcueid and dressed up like this holy shit.

like lets think about this for a second

he saw ARCUEID

ARCUEID BRUNESTUD

and dressed up like that?

is he not ashamed?

if it was me id be dressing up like im the king of england (forgive me for mentioning engl*nd) but no this boy wore that shirt

a thousand curses on shiki tohno

this is his normal getup and it aint too bad tbh. in fact i lowkey fuck with it. i may even find this good looking (random fun fact: this is the first time we ever see shiki and its not even in the original vn its from plus disc)

i get hes a student but why the fuck are you dressed up like that in evening anyways actually wtf.

his taste in fashion is really questionable even more so then the GODDESS arcueid

now THIS is what i want even if i can still see that abomination of a shirt

the apron with mushroom man himself making an appearance is cute but more importantly theres a certain GODDESS arcueid who is my wife (dont correct me on this matter i have proof) in this picture which drives up his rizz by 100 points

and hes serving food like any good servant servant should...

goddamn arcueid is cute... good on her! good on her.

um what were we talking about?

ok onto the remake shiki because im SICK of og designs and seriously missing my wife arcueid

ok this like most remake (re)designs actually looks really good i cant lie. he doesnt have that godawful abysmal shitty trash ugly painful terrible demonic shirt

THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THIS SHIRT. THI-

sorry i cant help it. i live in fear of it. i mourn my innocence i lost upon sight of this THING. how dare you takeuchi for invading my eyesight with this thing. he also designed arcueid tho so i guess it all evens out

look at this world that could've been... a peaceful world.. a complete world....

Arcueid receiving a variety of incredibly beautiful dresses while shiki receives... jacket and jacket and uh jacket i mean they really couldve had everything.

ok he did get another jacket in the series im sorry i stand corrected but i really like the black shirt!! thats an upgrade and a HALF

yay shiki

seriously i miss arcueid

anyways this is where ill stop befor-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

ok enough im sick and tired of the visual abuse

anyways its time for me to go and play tunguska so i can kick koyanskayas incredibly alluring ass. feel free to uh do whatever ig

[sansaery-theonsa]

Road not taken looks real' good now (part 2)

Rhaenyra Targaryen x Alicent Hightower

Part 1 | part 3

"You've gone quite in the last couple of days, what's going on with you?"

"You've gone quite in the last couple of days, what's going on with you?"

Rhaenyra asked when she got to alicent locker.

Its been 3 days since otto, Alicent's father, came back and the two have barely saw each other or spoken in this time.

Alicent was taking her histy book out before she glanced at her friend.

Alicent couldn't blame her friend for asking. The two were so used to be attached together, that it was ood when they were separated for more then a day.

"Im fine, just busy" Alicent said with a shrug.

"Busy with what? We were suppose to be studying together to our finals, you said that yourself" Rhaenyra said confused

"Something is happening and you're not telling me about it, i can feel it"

Alicent raised an eyebrow at her best friend

"Thats absurd Rhae, don't overthink that. Tho Im genuinely sorry for not being around in the last few days, and i miss you too"

Rhaenyra looked at the taller girl skeptically

"Are you okay? Did he said anything? You know that if he's being a dick to you , you can always stay at my place, my parents loves you"

Alicent smiled at her best friend just before the bell ring

"Im okay Rhae, ill talk to you later, I promise"

Alicent indeed wasn't okay as she tried to make it look like,

She was tired and ashamed and a bit scared to be honest.

Her father was never pleased with her, and no matter how hard she tried she never felt good enough for him.

When he returned home from his business trip he told her about the son of his boss at work, "a brilliant young man" he said, and before she even had the opportunity to speak he ordered her to dress nicely to meet with him.

To say larys was "a brilliant young man" would be an overstatement, but she couldn't say much since it was her father order.

Larys was a classmate of hers, but she never really spoken to him.

He was odd and a bit creepy in her eyes, but he was rich and basically immune from any criticism and as far as anyone knew he was harmless so everyone just let him be.

On the other hand, she knew who his brother was.

He was a bit older then her and graduated from their school two years before, she didn't knew much about harwin, but Rhaenyra knew him and she remembered that he was always nice and protective of her, so she took a liking of him.

The date with larys was terrible if Alicent being honest.

He tried to kiss her halfway trough it, but she moved away, and yet he didn't seemed to get the message. Or care.

She knew she definitely didn't want to do that again. All she wanted afterwards was to not come back to her father's questioning gaze, but to Rhaenyra's embrace.

Unfortunately for her, she couldn't.

When her father asked about the unwanted date, she told the truth, and he didn't seem to like her take on it, as he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her roughly to her bedroom.

Surly a young, rich guy like larys cant be that bad.

Her father's handprint stayed on her arm in the shades of black and blue, and she knew if she spend enough time with Rhaenyra she was bound to find out, so she kept her distance.

Because that was an accident, and things like that rarely happened with them, and he was her father.

Eventually, she agreed to a second date with larys.

_____________________________________

"Aegon" rhaenyra said as she flopped in the chair next to her brother.

The library was quiet, and aegon knew his sister wouldn't keep it that way for long

"Busy" he said without taking his eyes of the notebook in front of him.

"Aegon" she repeated with a whine and he sighed

"Busy" he said again, annoyed

"Aegon!!" She took she notebook away.

"What?!" He said annoyed and looked at her.

His glare soften when he saw her troubled expression

"Hey what happened?" he said and she released a breath.

"I think something is happening With alicent" she admitted and he raised an eyebrow

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

"She's been acting a bit distant in the last few days" She explained

Aegon wasn't dumb, although many loved making him feel like he was.

And yet, he knew his sister better than most, he knew the older girl was basically smitten with her best friend, and he, as the good brother he was, tried to be supportive of her as much as he could.

"Nyra, she might just be busy, I'm sure its the finals that takings their toll on her, you know how she can be" he tried to reassure her.

"No, i know her, if it was just a test she would've told me, it's different, she's always getting distracted when her father comes home, but this time is different, I don't know why but i feel it"

Aegon put his hand on his sister's comforting.

"Honestly, i think you just miss her, you were together almost everyday this past two weeks, i think you just gotten used to be around her every second of every day, and it's a big change."

When he noticed that his sister didn't seemed to be convinced, he sighed

"but maybe you should do something fun together, just the two of you, especially now with all the stress you have with the finals" he offered and she nodded

"Yeah that might work" she said before smirking at him.

"Since when you're smart?" She asked and aegon laughed.

"I was always smart asshole, you were just too busy giving heart eyes to Alicent"

Rhaenyra shoved aegon playfully and he laughed

"Okay now leave me and my ADHD brain to handle my homework in peace"

_____________________________________

Alicent arm was bothering her, and the oversized sweatshirt she had to wear to cover her bruise, wasn't helping with that.

She was sitting in history class, praying for it to end.

She tried to listen, she really did, but her mind was hung on the unwanted text larys was sending her.

She hoped that if she wouldn't show him much interest he will stop trying, but considering the fact her father was basically forcing her to meet him again again after school, it wasn't a surprise he didn't.

He phone buzzed again, just as her teacher, Tyrion, spoke about the first men and the building of the great wall in the north.

She vaguely remembered dany's ex that worked there.

'Are you free after school? I wanna take you somewhere?' She read.

Rhaenyra was nervous as she waited for alicent reply.

'I have something actually' alicent typed but didn't send.

Alicent felt like she was going to be sick as she thought about larys trying to kiss her again, or touching her for that matter.

'Whats the plan?' she texted rhaenyra back before texting larys, letting him know something came up.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII DUDE good afternoon how r u how's the tokyo ghoul rewatch going!! i would. Love 2 hear ur ghostkicks and/or tg thoughts literally at any given time. taking ur joke tags absolutely dead serious because im trying 2 figure out How To Write Them currebtly & we're doin a bit of wrangling in the google doc 😭.

u know i have the brainrot so so so badly because im on episode 3 of tg and all i can think is "i can make a pd au out of this" so im feeling rlly normal abt it basically. im blaming it on unravel.

ANYWAY. ANYWAY. ANYWAY. YEAH. HI. GHOSTKICKS. they are soooooo. tired depressed introvert gets adopted by a loud bubbly extrovert trope. at least on the surface. like how they behave at school in season 1. thinkin abt jimmy going "what is UP with bro behind u" and william just ominously lurking there. and how dakota defends him later !!!!!!!! idk how much of this youve gotten to yet bc i dont remember when it actually comes up in canon bc its such an ingrained part of his character but dakota is soooooo. guard dog coded. this hits especially hard in the "what if pd were villains" oneshot but its sooooo prevalent in canon too.

they both hold each other in the highest respect. william sees dakota as the prime (ha) example of what a hero should be. hes brave hes kind he does his best to protect everyone no matter what. hes all the things that william Isnt. BUT !!!! dakota also looks up to him !!! hes so smart hes good at problem solving hes so curious about everything and asking questions and poking his nose into things that nobody else would even consider. dakota knows hes not smart so he automatically looks to william whenever he needs a plan or someone to tell him what to do when he feels lost. they complement each other and they dont even !!!!! know it !!!!!!!

also regarding williams powers. fuck dude. season 1 he was so fucking scared of himself and ashamed of the things he could do . he hid every time he had to use wisp form !!! but dakota always thought it was so cool and was not QUIET about it. boy went fucking STAR EYES the first time he saw wisp form !!!!!! i will never stop thinking abt the first rolled for season 2 where charlie goes "if dakota hadnt left, he probably wouldve been able to convince william to keep using his powers and not to completely disregard their existence like he has been" and . considering what william is like in season 2... god this wouldve been a COMPLETELY different fucking campaign. theyre so. incredibly soulmates to me. theyre so important to each other theyd do anything for each other. i cant say too much more without accidentally giving you spoilers bc i WILL keep talking and not be able to shut up but GOD fuck ghostkicks enjoyers eat so well in the latter half of s2. moirails. 2 me !!!!!!!

[girlwithfish]

I feel like im im such a weird period of change and adjustments and transitions and uncertainty but also everything feels the same. and having a stable routine aka working full time job has added more stability to my life and im working towards financial stability and just making money now no matter how i do it even if i dont have some impressive career girl corporate desk job that everyone else my age seems to have (i need to stop comparing myself!) and that like real established adults want u to have idk? but i just tell myself like my job is just a job and im still proud of myself for doing something and its still a job and nothing to feel ashamed about idk (ik im being dramatic and i do think childcare is a valuable important job ofc. i guess i just think too much abt what im gonna be doing in 5-10 yrs etc and i really have no idea and its scary bc i dont rly know what i want to do career wise and im not rly working toward that rn like trying to get my foot in the door in the industry I want and like thinking what is my career going to be for the rest of my life i obv cant work a 16$hour job forever as an adult bc i will be poor forever YK. but im also 22 so maybe i shouldnt be thinking abt this too deeply. but maybe i should be thinking abt it more and trying more and being more ambitious but i am so tired. idk) and even tho im at work 9hrs a day on the weekdays i still feel like im not doing enough bc i like my job ok enough but it doesnt feel like Enough like i feel like i should be doing more or being productive after work like i need to stay on top of cleaning and eat fast food less and cook more but i am always so tired after work. And mentally things have felt really hard and then sometimes not as hard but i really do not have any close friendships in my immediate life and irl and its hard/lonely sometimes. and im avoiding my family and barely talk to them or feel close to them anymore. and idk if my life is worthy or important or impressive bc idk who i am or what i want and i feel like ive spent so long trying to survive and it is really devastating to me when i have a big set back mentally when i thought i was doing ok the past two weeks

[goremet-chef]

guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this

[sexisdisgusting]

Heyy i like your blog and you seem cool ^~^

I wanted to hear more about your ideas behind dating/sex. You say its disgusting to live in an over sexualized society etc which I agree with. Ive over sexualized myself as a child and into young adulthood and now im trying to stop it or slow it down at least, but I cant get over the fact that yes i would very much like to have a girlfriend and have sex with her. (Im female) I would like to hear more on what you think in regard to “i think it is disgusting to talk to someone with the intention of having sex with them”(i know its not your exact quote I just cant see it while sending this)

What would be the way that people find sexual partners in a non-hyper-sexualized society? Is there a way to do that in this society? Is there a way to naturally find a sexual partner?

Ive basically been just trying to ignore it all for about a year now. Ive sworn off men forever (im bi) and i dont find the idea of sex with a man appealing anymore due to stuff but idk I feel predatory anytime I try to think of a way to find a girlfriend. Dating apps seems skeezy. Hitting on any of my attractive already made friends feels skeezy. Going out into the world in an attempt to make friends with the real intention of finding a gf seems skeezy. Accepting that I will probably be sexless and gf-less for years if not forever if I do not attempt to find someone sounds sad but accepting that if I attempt to find a gf as quickly as possible then I will be looking for an idea and not enjoying a new friend makes me feel sick.

Idk. Its just something ive been thinking about lately and I do believe that it all comes back to society being so hypersexual.

hiya!!! thank you so much for the ask

that predatory feeling youre talking about i think is you overthinking it! many lesbians i know have that same feeling, and i think it comes from societal repression of same sex attracted women, we feel ashamed to make our attraction known

truly what im trying to convey is a disgust for people seeking others SOLELY to fuck, its not 'sinful' or anything, i just think personally its a shallow way of living

when it comes to meeting potential partners i truly feel like its better to go from friends to lovers so that true romance has a chance to grow

but truth be told, i dont think your hearts in the wrong place anonita, from what ive heard you seem genuine, and i really do wish you the best of luck

you deserve love, romance, sex, and to be adored by someone

sorry if my answer isnt all that cohesive, im a bit tired right now but i hope it helped out a bit! feel free to message me if you have anymore questions :)

[kinomicidiuz]

I alredy told you about the love story between this two and of course now you think they have a happy ever after they never fight they never have bad days well now i will tell you a story where they have a huge fight.

Nightmare comes home all angry he had a really rough day and just want to sleep but of course Grillby decided to have a romantic lunch with him he prepared a nice dinner with all the things Nightmare loves he puts candles on the table and buys roses for his prince. When nightmare opens the door there is Grillby standing in front of him with a giant bouquet in his hands the older one looks at him coldly "i just want to sleep" Grillby puts the flowers aside understanding his husbands needs but still a bit sad because they dont often do things like this for each other "its okay love,we can do this later" the prince watches as he begins to clean the table with a sad look and this was the moment he snapped he didnt know why maybe because hes tired maybe because he hates to see his husband sad,he slammed his hand on the table screaming "i cant to this anymore" the smaller one looks at him surprised "you always play the victim,every time i dont do what you want you start to fucking cry! Im so tired of this so tired of this life so tired of _you_" he watch as the man in front of him starts to tear up looking down at the floor "i wish i never met you,maybe i couldve married killer" saying so nightmare goes upstairs leaving his husband on the floor sobbing and trembling with a broken heart. They spent the rest of the day in silence but the older is starting to feel bad he didnt know why he sayd all that he truly loves his husband meeting him was the best thing that happened to him and marring someone else wouldnt bring him the feelings he has married to grillby he loves his husband with all his heart and would never harm him he promised himself to always protect him no matter what instead he scared him made him cry he felt ashamed, loving his husband he approced him and wrapped his arms around his wrist Grillby flinced at his touch relaxing at the feeling of kissed on his neck the older moves his hands caressing his chest continuing to suck gently on his neck earning sweet moans from the man below he picked up the moaning boy walking to theyr bedroom closing the door and placing him gently on the bed looking in his eyes for consent Grillby just looked at him blushing "just be gentle" Nightmare took his hands kissing them "i swear on my head my beloved i will not demage any part of your skin" he started sto strip him kissing every centimeter of his skin with growing desire. Soon the fire boy is laying naked under him a masterpiece for the older one who passed his hands on his body caressing his chest while turning his skin purple, moans filled the air pleasure filled his body and love filled his heart, Nightmare stops to look at his husband with love in his eyes placing sweet kisses on his cheek while caressing the other feeling the warmth looking in his eyes " god youre so beautiful how could i be more lucky?" The words making Grillby deeply blush "i love you so much" kissed the smaller boy who kisses back tearing up "dont cry my love please every tear on your face is a scar on my heart" that night he made love to the younger, once again moans filled the air but he never hurt him once,the prince showered him with kisses and loved him like he never did watchs as the smaller moans squeezing the sheets with broken voice begs his husband "more,please dont stop" the words make Nightmare even more lustful "your wish is my command" he hit all the good spots making him cry and tremble from pleasure the prince hugs his husband and together reach theyr climax. Now he is cuddling him giving him sweet kisses and whispers sweet nothings "you are the eighth wonder of the world" he kisses him "i love you so much,so precious so beautiful" and so he kisses his again "im glad to be your husband i never ment to hurt you i was just tired im so sorry my beloved" he felt hands cup his face and kiss his sweetly like honey "i know dont worry i know you would never lets just love each other now" its normal to argue its normal to make mistakes the important is to never let that break love never let that separate you,never.

[mrkis]

So I have this story I want to share cause sometimes and opinion from a "stranger" can be more helpful. 😅

Basically, yesterday I received a message from an ex-colleague of mine (havent seen/talked to him in over 2 years). I had shared a funny real about "manifesting a sugar daddy" this year and he reacted to it and then asked if I find one to ask him where he can find a sugar mama, and I totally jumped on his joke and replied, however, I didnt expect for any further communication but man did he keep going. He kinda started flirting to which I started hyperventilating cause I havent spoken to him in years and it was all happening so damn fast..😵‍💫 He started complimenting me and saying I have what it takes to catch a guy's attention, that I cook well and its a full package deal (I have brought pancakes and brownie at work before and he has eaten it). And it was both flatering but also confusing. As you can tell he was making a move on me and was very clear with his intention for a hook up, cause he kept saying how he wouldnt turn me down if I asked and what not.

The crazy part comes here - he asked me how long has it been for me since the last time I had sex since I told him I dont do hook ups and I kinda lied and said that its been 5 years since I have been single for this long, but the thing is I actually still have my V card at age 25 ... 🫣 I have some experience, like I have went 2nd base with my ex (no blowjob tho) but still back then I didnt feel comfortable with him to go all the way so nothing ever really happened.

Dont get me wrong, Im not ashamed of being a virgin, but I am tired of the fear of admitting it to dudes, cause society has made it to be a bad thing when its not. Anyway, you can imagine how shocked he was at that and he even asked if at least I "help myself with the stress" and obviously I do, so there is that, but despite me saying I cant do one night stands because of this moral boundary he kinda kept going on how I should try it at least so that I dont regret it later in life and mentioned he wanted to "make me an offer". To that I said he is kinda late, cause well we dont even live in the same city anymore (I moved) and I also said that we can meet up for coffee but I cant give him what he wants from me. He was respectful of it, thank god, but my brain is my own villain. I now overthink shit and feel like I made a good and bad decision at once, cause horny me really wants to have sex and mind you I have always been sexually attracted to him. I had a crush on him for a month back in 2020 which was awoken because of a sex dream I had. I think he also had a crush on me later that year cause he kinda sorta asked me out to dinner during work but I thought it was a joke and reacted to it like a fucking loser (in my defense I was also on a call with a client /call center job). So we do have history, I also think we've always had this sexual energy and frustration but neither acted on it until well yesterday.

Moral me is saying I did the right choice, cause I want my first time to be with someone special and to mean sth, not be a hook up. Horny me is mad cause I was basically offered dick on a silver plate and said no ... 😩🙃

Sorry to drop this on you Cas, but I feel so comfortable sharing this with you 😅 I guess this blog is my safety place in so many aspects. ❤️

Also, how you doing, lovely? ❤️

for starters, his approach was kinda odd straight off the bat. don’t get me wrong, i’ve had conversations with people i haven’t talked to in awhile abt random shit and joked around with memes and whatnot, but the fact that you haven’t spoken in two years and he went into this conversation asking such personal questions rubs me the wrong way completely.

compliments are great, sometimes you cant go wrong with them and they do make you feel great, but the fact he was complimenting you just for a potential hookup is where it gets gross. there was…. no need, whatsoever. it shocks me how he was moving the conversation so fast lmao.

him asking abt the last time you’ve had sex is so…. eh. ew. sorry. it is. like, he doesn’t need to know this!!! at all!!! and it’s completely ok to be a virgin at whatever age. society shouldn’t shame people who are, it’s so silly. it has nothing to do with them. you shouldn’t be afraid of admitting it either, but of course that’s easier said than done. but trust me when i say that people (men, in your case) actually don’t give a shit abt whether you’re a virgin or not. you may think they do due to how society treats it, but they do not care. before i lost my virginity and was talking to this guy i liked, i had to admit that i was a virgin because i was scared of our relationship going further and that he might expect something from me. and he just looked at me like 🤨 and went “that’s ok? idc, it doesn’t bother me”. they don’t care! i promise! and if they do, they can go fuck themselves

“help yourself with the stress” what are these questions he’s asking😐 im so baffled rn. truly. this is unbelievable. and hold on….. tf does he mean abt “you might regret it later in life”??? what??? not experiencing a one-night stand??? tf??? why would he think you might regret something like that when you’ve made it perfectly clear you’re not into stuff like that🤨 crazy fucking behaviour.

personally, i think you made a good decision. because even though that turned on, horny side of you is wanting to have sex, that’s not exactly the real you, yk? you, normally, just wants to wait for that special someone that you connect with and that’s completely ok. you can wait for as long as you please. you control it. nobody else, please remember that.

and don’t feel sorry abt dropping this on me. i’m happy i can be some sort of safe space. you, and anyone else who is comfortable, can always come to me and vent/rant. i truly don’t mind. i’m all ears🖤

and i’m ok!!! i’ve been in my head recently and overthinking my own stuff and putting myself in bad moods but that’s my fault completely😭 i’m hoping that this new therapist i’m getting will be of help because when i get comfortable, they’re gonna hear some shit😭😭

[grillby-fire-lighter]

IT MADE ME POST THIS

I alredy told you about the love story between this two and of course now you think they have a happy ever after they never fight they never have bad days well now i will tell you a story where they have a huge fight.

Nightmare comes home all angry he had a really rough day and just want to sleep but of course Grillby decided to have a romantic lunch with him he prepared a nice dinner with all the things Nightmare loves he puts candles on the table and buys roses for his prince. When nightmare opens the door there is Grillby standing in front of him with a giant bouquet in his hands the older one looks at him coldly "i just want to sleep" Grillby puts the flowers aside understanding his husbands needs but still a bit sad because they dont often do things like this for each other "its okay love,we can do this later" the prince watches as he begins to clean the table with a sad look and this was the moment he snapped he didnt know why maybe because hes tired maybe because he hates to see his husband sad,he slammed his hand on the table screaming "i cant to this anymore" the smaller one looks at him surprised "you always play the victim,every time i dont do what you want you start to fucking cry! Im so tired of this so tired of this life so tired of _you_" he watch as the man in front of him starts to tear up looking down at the floor "i wish i never met you,maybe i couldve married killer" saying so nightmare goes upstairs leaving his husband on the floor sobbing and trembling with a broken heart. They spent the rest of the day in silence but the older is starting to feel bad he didnt know why he sayd all that he truly loves his husband meeting him was the best thing that happened to him and marring someone else wouldnt bring him the feelings he has married to grillby he loves his husband with all his heart and would never harm him he promised himself to always protect him no matter what instead he scared him made him cry he felt ashamed, loving his husband he approced him and wrapped his arms around his wrist Grillby flinced at his touch relaxing at the feeling of kissed on his neck the older moves his hands caressing his chest continuing to suck gently on his neck earning sweet moans from the man below he picked up the moaning boy walking to theyr bedroom closing the door and placing him gently on the bed looking in his eyes for consent Grillby just looked at him blushing "just be gentle" Nightmare took his hands kissing them "i swear on my head my beloved i will not demage any part of your skin" he started sto strip him kissing every centimeter of his skin with growing desire. Soon the fire boy is laying naked under him a masterpiece for the older one who passed his hands on his body caressing his chest while turning his skin purple, moans filled the air pleasure filled his body and love filled his heart, Nightmare stops to look at his husband with love in his eyes placing sweet kisses on his cheek while caressing the other feeling the warmth looking in his eyes " god youre so beautiful how could i be more lucky?" The words making Grillby deeply blush "i love you so much" kissed the smaller boy who kisses back tearing up "dont cry my love please every tear on your face is a scar on my heart" that night he made love to the younger, once again moans filled the air but he never hurt him once,the prince showered him with kisses and loved him like he never did watchs as the smaller moans squeezing the sheets with broken voice begs his husband "more,please dont stop" the words make Nightmare even more lustful "your wish is my command" he hit all the good spots making him cry and tremble from pleasure the prince hugs his husband and together reach theyr climax. Now he is cuddling him giving him sweet kisses and whispers sweet nothings "you are the eighth wonder of the world" he kisses him "i love you so much,so precious so beautiful" and so he kisses his again "im glad to be your husband i never ment to hurt you i was just tired im so sorry my beloved" he felt hands cup his face and kiss his sweetly like honey "i know dont worry i know you would never lets just love each other now" its normal to argue its normal to make mistakes the important is to never let that break love never let that separate you,never.

[endious]

You know what, that actually got me thinking of something like this.

So, in my personal interpretation of Toby, he's a psychopath from the start who manipulates people to his own personal gain.

So instead of the plot line of him getting bullied, and being an out-cast because of his tourettes, and all that.

He actually defends himself and makes his way to the the top, and becomes popular, making people adore him for his looks, his smooth talk, and overall qualities, than making fun of him for his tourettes.

(Of course, no-one knows he went to a mental hospital for ALMOST killing his abusive father to death at the age of 10)

And he became Slenderman's proxy by simply being drawn to the creature, finishing his dad off once and for all, and enjoying his now murderous life.

It's a good twist from the usual "loner kid gets bullied and becomes killer" story.

So imagine you're in Toby's highschool, you're not necessarily bullied but you don't have any friends either.

And somehow, you end up meeting Toby.

He tries to charm you up, but you know something is off about him, not even his toothy grin can convince you that he's really just a pretty popular boy.

And Toby notices.

DUN DUN DUUUHNNNN

I thought it kinda matched with your dark writing style, so I threw my two cents in.

yeah im tired of seeing the “kid gets bullied and becomes a murderer” trope used its stupid how much of it i see. i want him to just be evil and murderous from the start. so i like this a lot and my response is WAYYY longer than i intended i am so sorry😭

toby is very smart, he knows what he’s doing when he approaches someone and starts up a conversation. people are drawn to him ever since he became popular and girls whisper to each other about how attractive he is. he isn’t dumb he knows what everyone says so when he sees you and you catch his attention in the crowd of other students he cant resist trying to charm you like he so easily does to others.

he’s very nice towards you. comes off as respectful and sends a few compliments your way to help you get more comfortable and ease up on that cautious look you keep giving him. he’s starting to get a little annoyed when you make excuses to get away from him whenever he tries to talk to you now but it’s alright. he’s sure it’s just that you’re shy around him and don’t know how to express it! it’s only when your eyes flash a very familiar sight of fear when he leans over you with a boyish smile as he cracks another bad joke does he realize you’ve been seeing past everything. now he’s the one making an excuse to leave but that’s only so he doesn’t harm you in any way. he’s livid and he wants to beat everyone he sees to death because how come you know something is off about him? and if you confront him on his behavior and how odd he truly is under that popular boy mask he puts on he’ll get out of it with his quick tongue. accusing you of being paranoid and how insulted he feels and how ashamed you should feel for even saying something was off about him because all he’s been doing is trying to be nice to you and this is how you see him? you’ll backtrack on your words, an apology leaving your lips but you still look at him cautiously and it pisses him off.

“don’t look at me like that.” his tics seem to become more frequent as he glares at you, brows furrowed as his hands clench into fist and you feel scared now but that only makes it worse. “stop acting like i’m some murderer holding a knife to your throat. you know i’d never harm anyone,”

“really, toby?” your voice is shaky as you take slow steps backwards, glancing at your surroundings, trying to find a way out of this quickly escalating talk that’s turned into something a lot worse. “are you lying to me?”

an expression you cant quite catch spreads over his face at the mere mention of lying. and he groans in frustration while anger swims in his eyes before taking a deep breath and relaxing his body. there’s no need to scare you, he liked you too much to let you slip away.

“i wouldn’t hurt a fly. look at me,” he gestures to himself with a small laugh, that kind smile he shows you every day on his face as he takes one step forward to you. “i dont exactly look like the type to harm someone do i?”

your gaze is still wary but to calm the situation you give him a small nod and stop walking backwards. he takes another step forward.

“no.. no you don’t.” you gulp and your eyes are entranced in those pretty eyes staring back you dont notice he’s only a few steps away from being in your face.

“i just wanted to talk, you’ve been ignoring me so i was just worried if you were alright.” he sounds genuine, a frown tugging at his lips as he takes another step forward. so close he could snatch you right now.

“im fine-“ you struggle to make an excuse and he raises a brow in question. “im just stressed with school! y’know how it is..”

“so you distanced yourself from me over that?” he asks, not giving you enough time to respond before a hand grabs at your arm hard, you could never tell of his true strength but the grip he had now did not match what you could see and assume from what those rather baggy clothes he always wore gave away. “dont play dumb with me.”

you yelp and he pushes his other hand over your mouth to muffle your screams for help. you really should’ve been way more cautious around him.

he grins down at you, that boyish charm of his coming out as he lets his index caress your cheek that’s damp with fresh tears. he likes this look in your eyes, that desperation, pleading, begging him to let you go.

“there’s no need to be so scared. i’m not gonna hurt you” his tics interrupt him throughout his sentence and it causes him to grab your arm real tight making more tears to spill down your cheeks. “you’re much more safe with me, just trust me this once alright?” you’re shaking wildly in his hold and he coos at you and how adorable you are.

he grins wickedly at you, a small glint of the real toby flashing in his eyes but its gone just as quickly as it came.

“im gonna walk you home okay? it’s dangerous to walk alone at night.” he smiles and begins walking in the direction of your house. when did he learn where you lived?

he promises to gut your family alive in front of you if you fight back. he swears he’ll harm everyone you know if you dare tell someone about this or who he really is. you’ll be with him no matter what, toby doesn’t take no for an answer.

[spacelazarwolf]

im so tired of dealing with transphobia at work. im so tired of being othered. i work with cis men who place me into feminine roles like apologizing for mansplaining (when i literally asked for the directions he gave) or very specifically not treating me the way they treat the other men there. its all very subtle and exhausting. like a quiet and united, "we all know you're really a 'girl' and we dont respect you as the man you say you are bc you dont act the way we think you should act." accompanied by what i call the bathroom wars. have you ever had to share a bathroom with cis men that know you're trans and dont like it? and the chest stares. we love those. then on that same note, they act as if they're entitled to know about my transness and sexuality. why in the actual fuck does it matter? we're not vibing. we're not having a moment. we havent established that level of trust. i dont have to tell you anything. and why would i? when you already know and you dont even respect what you know. I put it in my application so they dont misgender me after they take my DL and aside from that and word of mouth, i dont think i pass to everyone. Im a bigger guy. my body is weird. whatever. cis people have more of an issue with it than i do. the point is i cant be stealth. im outed by govt. documents, other people, or just the way i look. and i wish i could be stealth and i feel bad but truthfully i just want to blend in and live my life like any other guy

i think wanting to be stealth is incredibly valid. i think we downplay the experiences of trans men and mascs whose transness is known by the people around them, as if the only two options are “being treated like a cis woman” and “being treated like a cis man.” but so many of us deal with the same kinds of things you’re talking about here, and it can get straight up dangerous for us, so i think there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in wanting to be stealth. 

also as someone who’s also bigger i feel like that really affects my ability to pass because cis men’s weight tends to sit differently than mine, and it’s just that on top of so much internalized transphobia and fatphobia that sometimes i wish i just didn’t have to exist in public at all.

anyway, i hear you and i totally empathize.

[taeyungie]

em, well.. he called me today. the irony of it all is apparently when i was talking w/ that 1 guy after my ex years ago, i only told him cus he asked me out & i apparently said he didnt need to know that stuff and i dont remember ever saying that but he said he was hurt/caught off guard & therefore never shared any of his personal relations with me. i think i blacked those yrs out. i went thru a very bad & messy breakup and wanted a distraction, i don't remember him ever asking me out then but he said he remembered very well. i feel so fucking stupid. this basically all happened bc of me. and u were right, he said he /always/ had those feelings even after my ex but i felt they weren't there... so i never attempted anything until i built up our relationship again which is how it is now. but, the real kicker is.. i told him that i didnt want to be put in a position where if he was serious about me, that he'd talk to other ppl, but he said im basically asking for commitment and he cant give that to me unless i show that i'm willing to let him come see me or vice versa (which i just need more time for), until then, he's not going to tell me if he's messing with anyone but he said if things do get serious with someone, then he'll let me know to not lead me on. thats not what i wanted to hear. basically he's open to whatever happens with whoever, even if he cares deeply about me, but he cant promise to not talk to other ppl and i know its selfish, i just wanted him to wait for me, esp after all this time with trying and failing with wrong timings. the way he said "IF i get into a relationship, i'll tell u" gets me cause i'll only know if he makes it official, he said thats how its gonna be. and i honestly feel like i'll end up pushing him away cus the reality of that being possible hurts too much. he said he'll just have to accept it then. but even after talking i still feel as lost. i feel sad, ashamed i said those things i truly don't remember. but now i'm confused with my feelings. i know this is going to change everything. i can already feel myself wanting to pull away emotionally & put the guard i barely let down back up 😣

i am sorry sunshine :( but i'm really happy that you guys had the talk, you need to stay in contact with him no matter what, the silence can be the worst thing to do right now, so please try your best not to become closed off. the fact that you're both so hurt by this situation is so visible, my heart is breaking. although i really do understand both of you, and he is clear about what he expects and it's in your hands to decide what to do with it 🥺 you know... you have to understand that he is just trying to be happy too, just like we all do. it doesn't mean he only cares about himself, he was there for you through the bad times and he did wait for you, honey, but the thing happened years ago and he might be just tired of waiting, he just wants to find happiness and love too... i'm pretty sure he's probably just as hurt and confused by this situation as you are, but he cares about you and he wants to be with you, but maybe he cannot handle long-distance relationship, maybe he is tired of waiting, maybe there are other reasons he doesn't want to share because it's hurting him too much at this point, yeah? he probably started closing up on you because of that as well, that's why he stated his feelings in such harsh way. he probably doesn't mean to hurt you at all, he is just trying to protect himself.

so please, don't get me wrong, i may not be giving you the best advice or making you feel better which i'm really sorry for :( but i want to stay objective because the situation is tough, and help you understand how to deal with it, to look at your situation in a different light. I'm trying to guess what can be the issue and what you guys are going through, nothing I say is 100% right because I don't know the exact details and I will never know how exactly each of you is feeling. but what i know for sure is that one can stay strong for long enough, sweetheart :(

i understand that you might have blocked out the memories because of traumatic past and that is completely valid and I'm really sorry for what you went through, you deserve the best of love and care :( it's something he should be understanding about especially that he asked you out when you were still in pain, you probably weren't ready for something serious and i will allow myself to guess the guy you talked with was not considered as something you were serious about, right? you probably hoped for it, looked for it, but deep inside you probably might've been looking for a distraction, something to make you feel better, right? and since he was your best friend it was a different situation, although he probably chose to ask in a bad moment, he shouldn't blame you entirely for that and now act like it's all your fault, but i also understand why he was caught off guard and hurt by that, he was angry and jealous, he wanted to be with you and realizing you didn't choose him was probably very painful, although now he might feel like you realized you have feelings for him because you have no other options, and he wants you a strong and secure feeling from you to feel safe in it, but please don't get upset with my words, let me tell you something first, love.

Let me tell you a story, I myself also went through a similar thing and i also had to deny my best friend a long time ago, because of other reasons but one of the main ones was long distance, i never loved him but i cared for him that's another difference because your friend actually HAS feelings for you, but i know how my friend has felt when i kept explaining him why we can't be together, it made me feel terrible. yet, his feelings for me didn't lessen apparently, and to this day, sometimes, he still implies that his crush on me never went away. but in the meantime he was in many other relationships, serious ones and purely physical ones, while also not telling me much, i probably don't know about a lot but it's his life and not my business - my point is that, he also tried to be happy even while still actively hoping i would give him a chance, because he cares for me more than he does for the people he dated (but again in my story it didn't affect me because i never loved him that way). now picture yourself in our situation, he actually does love you but you guys can't be together right now because of some reasons, and he probably isn't feeling confident about your feelings for him because of the past events, which is why he asks you for "100% yes" or "100% no" right now. unless you give him an answer he waited for for a long time, he has the right to try and look for happiness elsewhere and not involve you in it, he might not be comfortable with sharing that he is having flings with others with someone he actually loves, simply because he doesn't want to hurt you, but it's just natural that he is looking for distractions, he is not looking for someone to replace you but he's also clearly not sure of your feelings for him, do you know what i mean now? he doesn't want the past to repeat, when he already waited for a long time, maybe tried to move on even. i know you don't want him to treat you like a 2nd choice and what i just said might look exactly like he's doing it but i personally don't see it that way, that REALLY is not the case, in my opinion it's the opposite and you are clearly his 1st choice, from what i deducted he also just told you that, but since you were/are out of reach he is trying to find other ways, even if it hurts him that they're not you.

don't close your heart up on him, honey. i know you're anxious and in pain, just try to understand his position, alright? you're both hurting a lot but you care for each other deeply and misunderstanding is not something that should be an obstacle, so please, the only way out of it is to talk to each other and be honest. maybe you could consider making some sacrifices to defeat things that stay in your way of saying "yes" , if relationship with him is something you truly want?

[iwannabeastarstarrockmann]

i dont fucking know if my thoughts are my own or if ive just been so emotionally and verbally abused each day that im starting to internalize someone elses idea of me. idk what to think lately. im so fucking depressed and anxious and sad like every single day, it hurtsso much, and it fucking sucks that there are people in my life who just view me as a sad sack of shit with no aspirations or value. i never get more than a day to get better from anything before someone in my life is pressuring me to get off my ass and do something productive. dont you know tht there is something seriously wrong with me. idk why i cant do things, i just cant. i wan to be so productive and social, i just cant bring myself to do it right now. i feel so trapped and overwhelmed. do you realize how exhausting it is to wake up everyday with a mind attacking itself, with a body that aches, with a hope that this will be your last day of suffering, with no sense of what it is you need in order for the suffering to stop. i want to scream but i have no energy to. i want to die one minute and then hope to save my own life the next, contradicting every word or thought with an action that is not my own. theres days where my health anxiety is practically non existant and then something will happen, it could be something so nonsensical and somehow ill get triggered or worried and there i go absolutely obsessed with some strange pain or weird tension, or god forbid i actually get infected with something. thats all i could focus on 24/7 until i find some way to make it better, but the worry from the thing that im feeling and wondering about my health, this shit brain decides its so stressful and scary that i should just starve myself, cause if i were skinny, these prooblems wouldnt feel so big, or maybe id be able to go to the doctor if im 2 sizes smaller. that doesnt make any sense. i know it doesnt so why do i do what i do. and then theres the cutting that i feel i have to do or else i wont learn from my mistakes but if i cut myself whenever i impulsively feel like it, then that makes my immune system too weak to fight off whatever i think i have this week so im trying to recover from that as its only making everything more complicated, but its all i can think about, especially in this self loathing state im in now. im such an idiot, im just a sick fuck who cant stop thinking to herself that maybe im faking all this and im actually okay. i think its all my fault for being this way, i dont remember what started all these unhealthy coping mechanisms but it has to have started with a thought right? i feel so ashamed for being this way, it was stupid of me to ever adopt such habits restriction makes me more confident but the constant exercise makes me too weak to go anywhere to show that confidence, and great! now i actually am sick, and my immune system is shit, and my emotional state and self hatred is making it worse, and im too overwhelmed to see anyone in my life who thinks they love me, because i dont want them to see me like this. they wouldnt believe me if i tried to explain that im struggling and need help. ive tried. they dont listen. they dont realize whats important. i know i put em through hell, im selfish, im self centered and dramatic and lazy and gross and undeserving of any love they think they have for me. i dont trust it. dont tell me you love me, you barely know me, the real me, the one i keep locked behind a closed door each night, to contemplate what im going to do about this shit life ive curated for myself. im so tired, im so fucking tired all of the time. i dont know how to keep going. i dont know how to do anything for that matter. im not even going to revise this shit post, im too tired, i just need to announce somewhere, somehow, that im so fucking lost that i dont even know if my thoughts are my own, or what it means to be a person. everyday with this bullshit, now im getting into existential dread territory, im just so sick of my own shit! im sick of myself. why cant i function like everyone else???

i want it to be over, i wish my problems could just be solved without any external help. i just want to wake up tomorrow and for everything to just be okay. i want to feel okay again. i dont need anything fancy, please let me wake up tomorrow with hope of brighter days. its so hard to see the beauty in my life when im being suffocated and pinned down by something invisible. i dont have the capacity to love or care for anyone or anything, and no one can see that i just need a break?? how can you not see me? no one can see, ill show them and they still wont see! they refuse, simply because, they cannot see inside my head and dont care enough to want to. they think they do. i tried to tell them time and time again but i think its just that when i am feeling okay, they dont like the choices i make. when im okay, i make sure i make the most of that time by prioritizing my own happiness over everyone elses, and that really pisses people off! to the point where they want to tear me down and take that light away from me. i didnt ask to be here, now, with all this pressure on my shoulders to be more than what i am. im simply existing. i can feel it. tomorrows gonna be so shit. i can always sense the storm before it comes, i wish i could prevent it, or ease my pain in some way. these substances are nice in the moment but eventually the buzz will wear off and ill just be me again, with nothing to offer. i dont have anything to offer. life is too hard, i gave up so long ago and didnt even realize that is what was happening at the time. i just go through it day by day without fully processing that ill have to wake up the next day. i wish my life was a dream i could wake up from. my brain isnt working right. i dont recognize myself. i hate how alone we all are. every sensation, thought, visual, sound, and taste. you are completely isolated from everyone around you.