#im considering getting professional help to fix it

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Shout out to waking up at 6am and giving yourself an absolutely jacked haircut lol

[astraystayyh]

Starry night.

in which you and hyune fall in love through paintings.

idol!hyunjin x museum guide!reader. love at first sight, kinda. both mc and hyune are romantics.. lots of art analysis and conversations. very fluffy and soft. like so soft i hurt myself with this you guys.

all the info about Vincent Van Gogh’s life and works are from the Van Gogh Museum. the interpretations are my own but im not an art critic, obvi, just a yearner 💔 please enjoy, feedback is highly appreciated 💞

thank you to the lovely reader who commissioned me!!!! the money went to our stayblr fundraiser for palestine. please consider donating if you are able too as well <3333

“You’ll be able to do it, right?” Your manager Martin looks at you expectantly, and you blink slowly in response. It, referring to leading a private tour of the Van Gogh exhibition.

You’ve been a museum guide in New York for four months now. When you’re not painting, you’re here, amidst the array of artworks nestled in a quaint street near East River. You’ve led group tours before, always under the watchful eye of Martin, a middle-aged man who never forgets to bring you a vanilla bourbon macaron every morning.

However, you’ve never handled a private tour before. You see the desperation in Martin’s eyes as he awaits your answer—he’s the one who usually handles these tours, but he has urgent family matters to suddenly attend to.

You blink again, your tongue unknotting in a split second. “I’d be happy to,” you beam. The exhibition feels like a second home to you; you’ve visited it countless times long before you started working here.

Martin heaves a sigh of relief, smiling back at you. “I believe in you,” he reassures, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Remember why I chose you.”

You grin at his words, nodding vigorously. Your love for art brought you here; your very being seems molded to breathe in paintings and live among them. It’s as sweet a life as it can get.

“You’ll find all the details about our guest in our log. He’s famous, so he’ll be a bit discreet. He’ll expect you to be too,” he explains, hurriedly packing his things. You nod, taking the keys to the art gallery from his hand.

“Don’t worry, the gallery is safe in my hands.”

“I know,” he says with a comforting smile, before finally waving goodbye. You take a deep breath and check the booking for tonight’s exhibition—Hwang Hyunjin.

The name is unfamiliar to you, and so is the face that greets you at 8 p.m. sharp—at least, what you can see of it. He’s wearing a navy cap and a face mask, with a varsity jacket sitting perfectly atop his broad shoulders. He looks young, roughly your age.

“Hi, welcome to our Van Gogh exhibition,” you greet him with a grin. He bows slightly in response.

“No one’s here, so you can remove your mask if you wish. I can take your bag as well,” you offer with a smile. He nods and hands you his black duffel bag, which you quickly pass to the security guard, who places it inside a safe cabinet.

Hyunjin removes his Versace cap, running a hand through his silky black hair. There is an aura of assurance around him, as if he’s poised before a camera in a professional photoshoot. But then, a shy smile appears on his face as he finally removes his face mask, his eyes glinting beneath the golden lighting.

You feel your breath catch in your throat; for a split second, the world around you seems to still, the paintings dimming before the beautiful face in front of you.

“Right,” you clear your throat, “shall we?”

Hyunjin nods, falling easily into step with you. You pause before the first painting, ‘Woman with a Child on her Lap’, 1883.

“This is rumored to be about Sien Hoornik, who became both Vincent’s lover and model. She was a former prostitute, pregnant at the time, and had a five-year-old daughter. Vincent was determined to help her through her hardships, and they dated for a year and a half. But then, he broke it off because he said she was too far gone to be saved.”

Hyunjin nods, his eyes fixated on the painting, his head tilted slightly to the side. “The eyes are telling,” he speaks for the first time, and his voice floods your being like dewdrops reviving flowers at dawn. It is smooth and soft, the end of his words getting lost in the air and caught by your heart.

“The way the mother and daughter look at each other, I mean.” He clarifies, stealing a fleeting glance at you. “There is disdain on the mother’s face, but more toward herself, I think. Maybe because she sees her reflection in her daughter.”

Groups usually scurry past this painting, eager to see Vincent’s more renowned works. You feel your heart soften at how much he seems to be thinking about it, lost in his own world. You’re not even sure he remembers you’re there.

“Vincent was really determined to help her, although his brother Theo disapproved. His parents did too.”

“Isn’t that what love is? To hold someone’s hand even if everyone tells you to let go,” he mutters quietly, his eyes still lost in the painting. A hue of vulnerability colors his words before he clears his throat, as if unwittingly revealing his inner thoughts.

“That’s a beautiful way to view it,” you smile, and he nods, shyly biting his lower lip. For some odd reason, his timidity stirs something unfamiliarly tender within your heart.

You walk over to the next set of paintings. “When Vincent moved to Paris, you can see how his style developed. He let go of the darker tones he used in his infamous ‘The Potato Eaters’ and began using lighter colors, like here,” you explain, pointing to ‘The Hill of Montmartre with Stone Quarry’.

“Do you think it’s because he was happier?” he suddenly asks, and you frown slightly. “Pardon?”

“The shift to lighter colors. ‘The Potato Eaters’ is so sorrowful and shrouded in darkness. ‘The Hill’ is much more colorful, lighter, you know?” His eyes glide to yours, a twinkle of curiosity glimmering in them.

“Vincent did flourish in Paris. For once, he was in the same city as his brother Theo, whom he loved dearly. But he was mainly influenced by modern art, which uses much lighter colors than his previous works. Art critics usually attribute this change in the influence of his contemporaries, such as—”

“But what do you think?” he interrupts softly, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are penetrating, and you find yourself lost in the seas of emotion they contain.

You quiet down, licking your lips tentatively. No one has ever asked for your opinion on these tours before.

“Well,” you begin slowly, “I think it’s possible. Being around his brother and other artists who embraced brighter palettes could have uplifted his spirit. But also, maybe the light colors were his way of reaching for happiness, even if he didn’t always feel it. Art often mirrors our hopes as much as our realities.”

Hyunjin listens intently, a thoughtful look on his face. “I agree,” he finally says, smiling sincerely. You don’t know why the sight of his grin renders your brain putty, like melted ice cream under the kind sunrays.

“His use of lighter colors continued when he moved to the south of France. He was delighted with the bright colors in Arles, painting orchards in blossom and workers gathering the harvest,” you explain, pointing to the respective paintings.

“That’s when he told his brother that he wanted to open a studio for fellow painters. He wrote in a letter the following: 'you always lose when you’re isolated.' He sent out many invitations, but only one painter agreed to come.”

“Paul Gauguin,” Hyunjin swiftly replies.

“Exactly. He was the first and last painter to move in with Vincent.”

“It seemed like the more he tried to escape loneliness, the more it found him,” Hyunjin muses, his eyes fixed on ‘Portrait of Gauguin’ by Vincent. The bright colors he asked you about earlier make you wonder if, beneath the spotlight, Hyunjin too feels lonely.

“Sometimes loneliness becomes a friend. You have to make room for it to allow other things to come in,” you say softly.

“It’s sad how nothing good came out of that roommate situation, though” he frowns, and you nod in agreement.

“Paul and Vincent were very different. They had a lot of eclectic views that often led to disagreements. I assume you know their most prominent one.”

“Yes, when Vincent cut off his ear.”

“Correct, he then wrapped it in newspaper and presented it to a prostitute in the nearby red-light district.”

“A prostitute…” Hyunjin muses, his thumb swiping slightly across his lower lip. “It seems like phantoms of his first love found him again. Even in his most disoriented state, he somehow remembered her.”

“You speak of love beautifully,” you suddenly say, before biting your tongue harshly, instantly regretting your words. But Hyunjin’s eyes seem to soften as he gazes at you, the warm light dancing across his pupils.

“It is a beautiful feeling.”

“Only to those who have beautiful souls,” you speak earnestly, and your words seem to morph into brushstrokes, painting the gallery in hues of red. Intimate, soft, too intimate all of the sudden.

“Vincent’s mental health rapidly declined, and he put himself back into the mental asylum,” you quickly clear your throat, though you can still feel Hyunjin’s eyes on you, not the painting. “Still, that’s when he created some of his most famous artworks, like ‘The Starry Night’. He was inspired by the view from the asylum’s window. It’s dominated by vivid yellow and blue, and the colors and paint seem to describe a world outside the artwork itself.”

“It’s breathtaking,” Hyunjin marvels, lost in the painting, leaning in until his nose almost brushes the canvas.

You suppress a giggle, but your laughter fades as you take in the mole right by his jaw, then the one by his neck. The delicateness of his face, the plumpness of his lips, and the curve of his lashes.

He’s beautiful. The painting could seep him in and he’d fit right in with the silver stars. Outshining them too, surely.

“I really liked the tour,” he smiles, nearly two hours of lazy strolls later. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” you grin back, grabbing his outstretched hand. His fingers wrap around yours slowly, deliberately, as if on a mission to ignite your nerve endings. To set your soul ablaze with his palm alone.

His hand holds yours for a few seconds longer than necessary. Your blush mirrors his when he finally lets go.

He quickly bows again, grabbing his bag from his manager, who was waiting by the door. He almost bumps into the handle on his way out, and you let out an endeared chuckle, your eyes lingering on his figure until he disappears into his black van.

You think you'll never see him again, two lines crossing serendipitously at one point, never to cross paths once more. The thought sends a pang of sorrow latching onto your heart, before you quickly brush it away.

But then you do see him again, the very following night, at that.

It is near nine p.m. when Martin exclaims suddenly, “Mr. Hwang!” and you freeze in your place, book guide in hand.

It has been exactly twenty-four hours since you last saw Hyunjin, but when his voice softly echoes through the art gallery, it feels like a lifelong ache finally soothed.

“Please, call me Hyunjin,” he says, shaking Martin’s hand, though his eyes quickly find yours. They stay on you, unmoving yet tender, like a cotton blanket draped over your being.

“How was the tour with Miss Yn?”

“Ah—“ his gaze finally drifts away from yours. “Yes, it was really nice. That's why I came again,” he explains, a touch sheepishly, and your quizzical eyes meet Martin’s.

“Hyunjin booked another private tour. He specifically requested you to be his guide,” Martin explains, and your eyes widen in shock. You don’t have time to reply because your manager quickly scurries away. “I’ll leave you two then. Have fun!”

You wait until Martin disappears into his office before turning to Hyunjin, who avoids your gaze, one hand deep in his pocket, moving side to side. You remain silent for a few moments, simply admiring the side of his face. You’ve always had a deep appreciation for art running through your veins, after all.

“Hi,” he finally says, his eyes quickly meeting yours. You can’t stop the smile that floods your face, coating every nook and cranny of your features.

“You came back,” you say with a breathy giggle.

“Mm,” he instantly grins. “I don’t know when I’ll be back in New York, so I wanted to truly memorize the art here.”

“When are you going home?” you ask as you take his bag again, your eyes taking in his outfit—a green cap this time, a knit vest over a white shirt, and a silver teddy bear necklace nestled perfectly against it. Pretty.

“Tomorrow. We had a tour stop here, and we’ll go back to Seoul now.”

“And you’ll be spending your final night in the city here?” you chuckle slightly, and he shrugs as if it’s the most obvious decision he ever had to make.

“Why not? I think it’s beautiful here.” though his eyes never move to look onto the paintings, gliding across your face instead.

“And I forgot to take pictures yesterday,” he quickly adds, pointing to the camera in his hands.

“I’ll help you then,” you offer, and he smiles so brightly that it renders you speechless, suddenly wondering if the first person who ever drew a portrait had a similar thought—that they saw a smile so beautiful they just needed to immortalize it.

Hyunjin is at ease before the camera. You can tell by the way he almost pretends the device isn’t there, his eyes fixed on the paintings, mere centimeters away from the canvas. He’s whisked away into another world. You see your love for art mirrored in his soul as well.

“Do you paint, by any chance?” you ask between pictures, and he nods.

“Whenever I have free time. And you?”

“I do. I can show you later, if you’d like.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” he says, pointing his finger at you, before looking directly into the camera this time. “I’ve been painting magnolias lately.”

“Really? Why magnolias specifically?”

“I read a poem about them. It said that when magnolias wither, they aren’t considered beautiful anymore. But that doesn’t mean they weren’t at one point. It really moved me.”

“You have to be very optimistic to view it that way,” you say as you finally hand him the camera, satisfied with your pictures. You are both standing in front of ‘Almond Blossom,’ the pastel colors drawing you in.

“Withering flowers mean that at one point they were in full bloom. Grief means that at one point you did love,” you muse. “It takes a lot of gentleness to find beauty in endings, to celebrate them as proof of what once was. Don’t you think so?”

You turn to look at him when the flash of a camera catches you off guard.

Hyunjin looks at your picture, a soft smile on his face. “You fit right in with the flowers,” he compliments, though it does not feel superfluous or bearing a hidden intent. It’s a simple observation he wished to share.

“Thank you,” you say quietly, a blush sprouting from your very veins. You quickly fix your posture, pointing to the painting. “I told you yesterday that Vincent painted this for his brother Theo, to celebrate his newborn, whom he named after Vincent.”

“Yes, I remember,” he nods, slinging the camera over his neck and taking a picture of the painting up close. “It seemed to bring Vincent a lot of solace in his final days.”

“I’ve been thinking about your question, whether Vincent was happy. I think he was hopeful more than anything. He had hoped his works would be recognized, he had hoped he wouldn’t be as lonely anymore. Sometimes hope keeps you going much more than happiness.”

“Because happiness will eventually wear off?”

“Right, it’s only natural. But hope… it’s like a flame that never goes out. It might flicker and dim, but it will still be there on your darkest nights.” You bite your lip slightly, your thumb digging into your palm.

“I hope you’ll always have hope in your life, Hyunjin. You’ve been my favorite person to talk about Vincent with,” you say sincerely, your eyes unwavering from his.

You imprint the way his gaze softens into your mind, the slight blush that powders his cheeks, the way his teeth peek behind his smile. You memorize his velvety voice in your mind, the way he accentuates certain letters and how it pulls at the strings of your heart when he says—“I’m very happy I met you, Yn.”

May is gone, and with it Hyunjin, and you think you are a fool for thinking of him as often as you do after only five hours in his presence. You don’t know why your mind is permeated with his essence. But why wouldn’t it be? is the better question. When he’s beautiful, truly, body and soul.

You feel slightly less foolish when a postcard is delivered to your exhibition on a sunny Saturday, one month later. It depicts the front entrance of the Museum of Modern Art in Seoul.

June 13.

“yn,

i saw Vincent’s works once again in this month’s exhibition. somehow they seem less beautiful without our conversations.

i hope you’re surrounded by art, too.

hyunjin.”

June 23.

“hyunjin,

i visited claude monet’s immersive exhibition, you have to visit it as well, once you’re back in new york.

i am still surrounded by art, as always. i don’t think i could ever part from it.

did you finish your magnolias? i hope you’re seeing beauty in them even after they wither.

yn.”

July 5.

“yn,

claude’s works are so different from vincent’s... don’t you think it's beautiful that they lived at the same time yet depicted their world so differently?

my magnolias are finished. i’ve been drawing scenes from your exhibition lately, the picture i took of you is particularly inspiring. i hope you don’t mind.

hyunjin.”

september 26.

“hyunjin,

leaves are falling all over new york. new beginnings are upon us. i hope this view of my window inspires you too.

i wish you happiness no matter the season.

yn.”

october 7.

“yn,

i just saw the first snow at dawn, it was such a pretty view! i’m happy i’m alive today.

i hope snow reaches you fast enough, too.

stay warm.

with love,

hyunjin.”

october 23.

“hyunjin,

i’ve always preferred spring, but snow brought me such a happy opportunity. i’m invited to an exhibition in seoul, next month!

i’ll enjoy it well and think of our conversations.

with love,

yn.”

october 5.

“yn,

the weather is beautiful in seoul lately. i’m happy you’ll be here to see it.

it is late at night, and the moon is shining brightly. i hope it’ll shine as brightly for you too, in new york.

with love,

yours.”

The click of your black heels against the marble floors echoes through the museum, a comforting sound as you stroll through the immersive Vincent exhibition; now gracing Seoul. The colors wash over you, reflecting off your skin, swirling around you until you feel as though you’re being drawn into the very heart of the paintings.

“Enjoying the art, Yn?” a voice like honey drips across your being. Your heart skips a beat, plummets to your knees and races back to its place once again. You feel an ache inside you unfold. memories of Hyunjin’s voice rewriting themselves, perfecting your recollection of his accent and the tender way in which he spoke your name.

“It’s beautiful,” you murmur, though you refuse to turn around and meet his eyes. Not yet. The scent of his rose perfume is enough to have your heart rattling against your ribcage— a bird wishing to escape its cage and deliver your love letter to its rightful owner.

“Isn’t it an amazing coincidence we met here? In Seoul, no less,” he says, his voice airy as he inches closer.

“I know you’re the one who invited me,” you giggle, finally turning to meet his gaze. His eyes widen slightly before morphing into crescents, as if lifted from Vincent’s Starry Night.

“How did you know? I thought I kept it a secret in our postcards,” he grins sheepishly.

“I kept pestering Mr. Martin about why the museum invited me specifically until he finally told me you were behind it.”

“Well,” he licks his lips, his eyes roaming over your face. “I admit, I missed you. I wanted to see you again. And I happen to be a major contributor to the museum.”

“Fancy,” you beam, before your grin morphs to something much softer, as you realize that you are away from your work, and that the Hyunjin of your postcards is finally before you.

“I missed you too. Show me around?”

“Am I your guide now?”

“Mm. I expect you to be an expert.”

“Oh, I am.”

Hyunjin speaks of the paintings as if it’s his first time seeing them, finding new things to admire, new details to point out to you. You find it hard to keep up, only because your eyes seem more interested in observing him. You’ll tell him later that you were right in thinking he’d make every painting more mesmerizing.

But for now, you stroll together, his hand brushing against yours every now and then. Before long, you’re far from the museum, walking into the chilly Seoul night, his jacket draped over your shoulders.

And you talk, you talk about every painting you’ve seen since his departure, the flowers you’ve picked, and the strawberry field you visited at the end of June. He shares stories of his favorite painters and his beloved dog, Kkami, whom he misses dearly. He speaks of the moon and how your postcards lessened his loneliness. You tell him you’ve kept every card by your bedside, the first and last thing you see each day.

Suddenly your pinky is entwined with his, your cheeks ache from how much you’ve spoken and laughed, your heart lighter than it had ever been.

“Thank you for walking me to my hotel,” you smile softly.

He nods, his thumb swiping across your palm tenderly. It’s only after a while that he speaks again. “I know you said that happiness wears off eventually. But right now, the happiness i feel… I think it will last me for the next four months, at least.”

“Just four months?” you tease, and he giggles, tipping his head back. You wish you had your paintbrushes, your camera, a simple pen, anything to commit his laugh into something tangible.

“For a long time,” he finally says, quietly, resigned. Tomorrow’s flight ticket makes your heart ache, all of the sudden.

“I… I’ll get going. Thank you for inviting me,” you smile, dropping his hand. You know it’ll hurt the more you hold it, the easier it’d be for you to remember the softness of his hand.

So you walk back, you’re near the hotel door, a hand suddenly wraps around your wrist, the security guards both discreetly look away.

“Yn,” Hyunjin turns you around, his eyes are as wide as the full moon hanging close to earth, listening in to your conversation.

“You didn’t- you didn’t show me your paintings.” he says a bit too quickly, desperately.

“What?” you ask, confused.

“Back in New York, you promised to show me your paintings. You didn’t.”

“You remember?”

Hyunjin's chest heaves in response, his warm palms cradle your cheeks, his eyes speak of a yearning you haven’t thought existed. When his lips crash upon yours, fervently, passionately, like the collision of all stars in Starry Night, you have your answer.

He remembered. He remembered as much as you.

Epilogue— seven months later.

“Now… next question,” Hyunjin grins as he takes out a folded paper from a glass jar, five sets of camera’s all pointed at him in the shooting set of Elle Korea.

“If you could feel only one emotion for the rest of your life, what would you choose?”

Hyunjin puts the paper down, adjusts the sleeves of his Versace blue silk shirt. He doesn’t need to think too much to answer— he already has his reply.

“Someone told me, a long time ago, that hope keeps you going longer than happiness. Because happiness wears off eventually. But hope doesn’t. hope is like a flickering flame, it surges and it dims, but it doesn’t go out, so I choose hope.” he smiles suddenly, eyes looking into those of the staff behind the camera.

“That got deep all of the sudden, right? Done worry, Stay, I have hope, happiness and love, all at once.”

He chuckles quietly, picking up the last piece of paper.

“Finally… who’s your favorite painter? Ah, easy, it’s Vincent Van Gogh.”

“What's your favorite painting by him?” the shooting director asks behind the camera, his eyes fixate on the lens. He knows his love will be watching.

“A woman with a child on her lap. It’s not very known, but… if you look into it closely, beautiful things might come into your life and change it forever.”

from left to right, Woman with a Child on her Lap, 1883 — Portrait of Gauguin, 1888— The Potato Eaters, 1885—The Hill of Montmartre with Stone Quarry, 1886— Almond Blossom, 1890— The Starry Night, 1889.

[philtstone]

psych is a show brimming with near perfect episodes so this is by no means a suggestion that it was lacking or failed somehow by not including these but here is a non exhaustive list of additional perfect psych episodes that exist in my head, ranked somehow

lord of the rings episode - shawn and gus are sent on a fetch quest through the santa barbara hills by their old elementary school teacher who claims his brother robbed him. it is revealed that lassiter attends the ren fair. henrys meddling neighbor is trying to steal his silverware. 9/10

alternatively, or indeed additionally, viggo mortensen guest star episode - viggo mortensen stars as shawns much softer spoken but equally eccentric cousin who owns a horse ranch out of town; someone is messing with it and he needs help. shawn spends the whole episode convinced that no one can be that cool and polite and handsome all at once and so he must be hiding something. shawn is wrong. the episode is titled “equine promises”. 10/10

rocky episode - shawn and gus must somehow pose as professional boxers to solve a murder that happened after a match fixing went awry. a top tier shules episode that can and does make me clutch a metaphoricalpillow to my chest while im watching because of how adorable they are. 8/10

episode that takes place in between right turn or left for dead and juliet wears the pantsuit - lassiter tries to figure out the reason shawn and juliet broke up because he feels honour bound to make good on his promise to kill shawn if it does turn out that he hurt her. the problem is both of them refuse to talk and the more lassie digs the more sympathy he feels for shawn. he becomes convinced that there’s something clinically wrong with him. meanwhile, gus and henry frantically and chaotically try to figure out if the moral thing to do is to talk to juliet or avoid her completely. shenanigans and multiple emotional yet subtle conversations ensue. 8/10

mission impossible episode - set sometime in late season seven, a case becomes so personal that for the first and last time juliet becomes willing to break the rules and participate in a shawn-and-gus con. it involves a fancy hotel and an arms dealer and juliet in a slinky black dress that is swoon worthy but tasteful. at some point gus has to lever shawn down an elevator shaft while shawn keeps getting distracted by how hot juliet is when she’s lying through her teeth to a mark. juliet (for the first and last time) rides shawns motorcycle to get out of a situation, because Symbolism. 8/10

this one isn’t really an episode but my dream for all characters from media is that eventually they become the family from spy kids and considering they plan on making psych movies well into old age i think thats perfectly doable. 10/10

[risingscorchingsuns]

hey guys! this isn’t kny related, but I need advice, and I have a wider audience on this blog compared to my main.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, for a specialist I’ve been waiting six months to see regarding my chronic illness. I’m really worried about it- to even get this appointment, we had to threaten to claim medical negligence because nobody would take me seriously enough to look at my case file. I’ve had doctors cancel appointments on me week-of because they didn’t mean to make them. I need this appointment to go well. I need to start taking steps towards the surgery to fix MALS, but i need doctors to take me seriously enough not to dismiss it as menstruation or a normal food intolerance. Im afraid they’ll look me over, then send me home with an ibuprofen and a $700 bill. Its happened before.

I’m bringing my cis male friend to pretend to be a relative of mine, and he’s going to tell the doctors he’s been very worried about me and made me come in. Does anyone have any other advice on how to get doctors to listen to you? Any advice is appreciated- i need this appointment to go well.

I know I may be overthinking this, but I’ve had bad experiences in the past, and I can’t spend another year begging professionals who are supposed to help me to even consider my pain. I just want to be prepared to self-advocate.

[moodr1ng]

taking further weight/fatphobia/ed/general depression vents under readmore lol

cause like i cannot express how genuinely bad the fatphobia i have against myself is. like. when i picture myself in my head, in the future, i always imagine myself as skinny, bc ive lived my entire adult (and teen) life thinking of my body as a temporary impediment which ill eventually fix. early last year i thought i finally had and was so happy and then gained all the weight back. and idk what to do about it bc i have tried so so so hard to just 'accept being fat' and as i have said again i do not understand how that is possible in this society and i have never managed to get anywhere close to that and dont know how to.

and as a result of this i have considered like. every awful awful option out there for losing weight. like, i tried to get my doctor to prescribe me diet pills. i looked into ozempic and the only reason im NOT trying to illegally get some is that its for diabetic people and it harms them to take from the limited supply. i looked into various weight loss surgeries (be it bariatric surgery, which i cant get bc im not fat enough to qualify, or liposuccion but even if i could realistically afford it i hear it doesnt work in the long run). ive starved myself so much, tried so many diets, so many sports, never managed to stay on for long enough to maintain the results. no joke, i have considered developing a heroin or coke habit EXCLUSIVELY to lose weight, and the reason im not doing that is its too expensive. i complain about my adhd meds giving me food disgust but tbh every time it happens im also relieved bc it means i wont be able to eat for a few days. idk what to do anymore bc this is ruining my life and has been ruining my life for most of it.

i literally feel so worthless, ridiculous and unloveable specifically bc of my weight, and in particular the way its disposed on my body. i would be fine having fat arms, fat thighs, i would probably dig having a fat ass and chest and hips tbh! but i store all my fat on my belly and thats the one part i dont want to be fat, as well as my face and neck. this is such a massive block for me tbh. like, when i talk to new people i always feel like theyre looking down on me or find me pathetic because im fat (and bc im short which is my other major insecurity - i feel like being tall and fat is acceptable but not being short and fat). i dont take any compliments i get at face value bc i feel like everyone is just being nice by pretending like i could EVER be good looking. the only time ive ever felt attractive since i was a young teen was when i had lost the weight last year, and i couldnt maintain that bc it was so stringent.

sometimes when i think "i might be fat for the rest of my life and never manage to maintain being thin" i contemplate suicide over it. its like, the one thing about me i can never accept. i used to have so much internalized racism as a kid/young teen but i eventually got over that and came to appreciate my non-white features and even wish i had inherited more of my mothers looks (like her hair). i used to be so insecure about not being masculine enough but today im actually more into being kind of androgynous. i used to hate everything about myself and ive gotten much better about a lot of it. i dont hate my facial features or my hands or my legs or my arms anymore. i just hate my weight. and its the one thing i cant fucking get rid of.

and like, ive tried so hard to just.. look at other people ik with similar body types who i think are super attractive and think "if theyre attractive and they look like me, surely i could be too?" but it never works no matter what. and i mean, ik outside of like, societal fatphobia, a big part of it is my ed right. like obviously as long as i have an ed that is focused on wanting to lose weight im never gonna be able to accept being fat. but i cant get help for my ed bc there are no resources. and there are no medical professionals who will help me accept being fat bc theyre also fatphobic and they only want to help me lose weight, and they cant even manage to do that.

im just extremely tired of it all. every day i wish i was skinny. i can live w all the rest. i just need to be thin. i dont even need to be bone thin or whatever i just wanna be average. and its so fucking hard for so many reasons. i can almost never cook for myself bc of The Mental Shit. if i do cook for myself its rly hard to do anything complicated so its often not very balanced or healthy. and i rely so much on fast food, takeout and frozen meals bc of this inability to cook. and then theres the emotional shit - bc ever since i was little ive binged whenever i felt anything. bored? binge. angry? binge. sad? binge. happy? binge. theres no emotional state that doesnt wanna make me binge. and the only way i can stave it off is like.. either indulge in other vices (drugs alcohol etc) or just. dip into the restriction part of the ed and start starving myself again. and ofc once it becomes unbearable.. more binging. idk. idk. im at a loss. no one can help. and theres so many things piled on top of each other that make everything impossible.

im not even just talking about the weight - i mean everything in my life is like this carefully balanced tower of cards where each bad thing supports another bad thing supporting another bad thing until it builds into this massive self-sustaining network of dysfunction.

its like. i wake up in the morning (still tired from whatever the hell is wrong w my sleep, probably didnt sleep enough or too much, either way feeling bad). my room is a mess and theres fruit flies everywhere bc of the heat and i need to clean, but bc i woke up exhausted and feeling sick i have no energy to. i go get some water and theres a pile of dishes in the sink that are getting grosser and grosser but the idea of washing them is so daunting i cant bring myself to. i need to shower, but showering is such a hard task, and then if i shower i also need to brush my teeth and take care of my hair and thats so much energy. and if i do all that, well, i havent done the laundry in like 2 weeks so i have nothing clean to wear, so if im gonna shower i should do the laundry so i dont just get clean to put on dirty clothes right. and doing the laundry and hanging the stuff to dry is also such a hard task. and then if im clean and wearing clean clothes, am i just gonna get back in my dirty bed? i also need to change the bedsheets, and i hate doing that. and if im gonna change the sheets then i probably should fucking clean the bedroom, right. and i dont have the energy to do literally any of that. so im dirty, my room is dirty, my kitchen is dirty, i feel like shit, im tired, i havent eaten anything yet. maybe a decent meal would help. but a meal means cleaning some pot and pan to cook stuff in. and then it means cleaning it again after im done cooking, and also cleaning the dishes. and fucking hell i cant do that. so i think, maybe ill go to the convenience store and get a sandwich. but that means i need to get dressed and do my hair and i probably smell bed and i cant just go out like this and im SO TIRED. so i go to order takeout. and sure i could get something fresh and healthy like a poke bowl or something, but thatll cost me like 25 bucks, and i could just get a burger and fries for 10. so i get that. and i dont feel any better, because ive been eating carbs, sugar, and some shitty processed meat near-exclusively for the past several years. and im so tired and feel so awful and so guilty and so gross, so i just start smoking and drinking. maybe if im lucky ill do some art or whatever. and thats how my day goes and then ill go to sleep in my unchanged sheets unshowered laundry undone room dirty dishes piled up. have a bunch of nightmares wake up drenched in sweat etc. and do the same thing tomorrow.

and idk how to fix any of this bc its a cycle right. like where do i start? i feel like i cant do anything bc everything is SO heavy SO tiring SO daunting and im just so exhausted. i want to sleep for 10 years. i want to be happy again. but whenever im not happy i forget how it felt to be happy. so theres nothing to look forward to. and then i think about killing myself again. and thats just how it goes.

ig thats why im so so hopeful to actually get an at-home aid who can get me to do chores and get groceries and shit bc that might actually be the one thing that breaks the cycle, cause i definitely cant do it by myself.

[aachria]

AACHRIA.

WHAT.

WDYM ACE WAS STILL KIDNAPPED AND TAKEN AND MIGHT DIE.

☹️

im in so much agony.

what the hell man ☹️

ALSO SABO (semi, he never got clarification 💀) KNOWING LUFFY AND ED ARE MARRIED LETS GOOOO 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥⁉️⁉️⁉️

SABO AND ED DYNAMIC IM IN LOVE.

imma be so fr i understood maybe half the plan. like i got it, i kinda know whats happening, but thats only for phase one..... phase two and three im so fucking lost they both said sm and i felt my mind explode. i forgot to read half the sentences and my mind was so blown i just decided to not go back and read them even though they will probably fix me and make me realize exactly whats going on LMAO

i once again request a 10k chapter, although still no threats bc im scared of my weird dream curse 💔 which i still have..... its better tho- its evolved into tumblr becoming a weird celestial being because when it said ur discontinuing ur fic as an ad and caused chaos people ended up worshipping tumblr to try and get you to keep writing ur fic- so no longer a nightmare just a really weird dream.... 😭

UR SO AWESOME, AND SO COOL, AND I LOVED THIS CHAPTER, I READ IT INSIDE THE MOVIE THEATER FOR THE DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE MOVIE BC I COULDNT WAIT (10/10 movie btw) UR FIC IS AMAZING 100000/10 MAKE ME SOB NEXT CHAPTER 💞💞

Teehee. Be so honest with me did you think I would just leave that prime angst real estate unpoked?

Poor Sabo will get real answers one day. Hopefully. He was so damn much fun to write I just love him. Him and Ed are the two smartest people you know who also happen to be the most unstable and likely to cause an international incident by being a lil silly and goofy.

That plan... oh that plan. Writing that plan was fun and I got very carried away. I was terribly proud of myself for remembering half the shit in there before I had to pull up the wiki, and the Enies Lobby bit will be my smartest move until the next time I do something remotely smart.

Baby I'm going to hold your hand as I say this because I am being so for real, at this point if you are still having this dream every night you need to genuinely consider seeking professional help. That's not normal or healthy. Talk to a therapist or guidance councilor or something.

I hope to god you mean before the movie started or when it was done because if you had your phone out while that movie was playing I will be very disappointed. I wanted to go see it this week with my mom but it didn't end up happening ✊😔 I did rewatch both Top Gun movies though. Love those.

[fecto-forgo]

question for susie: who do you think are the top 5 other kirby characters that could most get along with her? the 5 most likely ones that could be her friends, basically

i usually try to answer these as soon as i get them bc i have autism but i actually didnt manage to this time bc.honestly? i dont think susie has 5 friends.best conclusion i got is she has 3 friends n 2 girls who think theyre acquaintances

susie is just.so herself? i feel everyone thinks shes some degree of obnoxious n lacking on morals n just kinda seems weirdly shady.for ppl that like her tho:

i feel kirby is rly obvious but Who Doesnt Kirby Like? susie helped last at the end of KPR so as far as kirby cares shes all set for becoming a friend! in fact she essentially already is! she hasnt done evil things again so rly theyre on great terms.she lets them test ice cream flavor samples for HWCs ice cream brand

i think both susie n magolor consider each other annoying but they mean it affectionately.they get on each others nerves (its nearly always magolor doing the annoying) but somehow get along great anyways.its a mystery they just never fight seriously

taranza would get along w her as well, i think out of every wave 3 character hes the most actually friendable for everyone bc his freak isnt immediately noticed, but.theyre both freaks w no moral compasses n taranza is a professional woman apologist n what would susie want more than to get cry shoujo tears explaining her tragic story while he pats her back like "i completely understand...you were so justified queen dont listen to the haters"

rly she could tell magolor n taranza shes doing anything morally questionable n theyd reply "okay lol" "okay ^_^" if not straight up go w her

now the next 2.susie sure has intense feelings abt but they do not !

susies intense grudge for francisca originates from susie never outgrowing her "i HAVE to kill girls i feel threaten ME being the prettiest in the room" phase bc she didnt get a proper growing up experience.shes constantly making up ways francisca is stealing the spotlight from her.idk francisca was probably more welcomed by the other allies bc shes polite (i am not claiming franny is a nice girlie shes just polite but has the american psycho monologue going on in her head that entire introduction) n susies never gonna get over that bc "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME EVERYONE LIKED!!!" anyways i think itd just be so godamn funny if francisca didnt? know susie wants her dead? shes socially absent she doesnt pay attention she doesnt care lmao.she thinks theyre acquaintances bc of how often susie "talks to her" (shes trying to be subtly mean).even if she realized susie hated her shed be like "okay lol.good morning to you too"

n ive already mentioned it before but im a suzan yuri believer but not a "susie can win anyone over" believer.shes had a long running lesbian crush on zan w 50 layers to it (ranges from "she has such an aura of coolness ♪" to "i can fix her n i can kill her father too i can save her" to "WE CAN MATCH EACH OTHERS FREAKS.TOGETHER.") n has tried every way to try winning her over n zan doesnt understand a single one of them.she believes theyre acquaintances.susie could literally kiss her n shed reply "...my HP bar is already full but thanks.i guess." ironically most times that get zan liking susie a little more is when shes not actively trying to rizz her up, bc oh man.susie was right they match each others freaks of "im the only normal person in this room.(unstable weirdo)".the only ppl this yuri can be considered toxic for is everyone else.

outside of those 5 i think everyone to some degree dislikes her.n yes i think shed play victim abt that.im a firm believer nobody in wave 3/4 save for flamberge is properly befriendable to most of the cast (franny n taranza r in good terms w most ppl but again.inner american psycho monologue girl n polite looking guy who had way too much working for the evil monarch).n thats their appeal theyre all kinda shitty ppl 🩷 i wish i could end this w a beautiful rant on how shitty traumatized ppl still deserve love n redemption but honestly i just think characters r more fun when they kinda suck lol

[thegoober010]

OK OK YIPPEE

TRIGGER WARNING!!!

sooooo could you write like father figure Sans with reader who has an eating disorder?

Like he begins noticing that theyre eating less and less and theyre losing a bunch of weight and he confronts them about it?

IF NOT THATS FINE, ITS A VERY TRIGGERING TOPIC!!!

Make sure to get food and drink water!!! Take breaks!!!! TAKE CARE OF URSELF!!!!! <333

-🐾

Oh!! QUITE A REQUEST BUT OFC I CAN!! I understand that fictional characters can be parental figures to some and requests like this can be helpful/comforting to some in different circumstances so I am willing to write this dearie dw!! plus father figure sans is so real. also right now im suffering a bit from burn-out due to my school cause right now I'm in a club that requires a lot of my time so im kinda suffering from a bit of burn out ig- so Im not gonna write a full nose-shot but I will write kinda like a headcanon type one-shot!

gender neutral reader as usual :)!!

TW/CW -> eating disorder (anorexia), self-esteem issues, body dysmorphia

remember if you're dealing with any eating disorder please try to talk to someone you're close with, a friend, family member, or trusted adult about this and I recommend trying to find professional help or trying to talk to someone about this, it is incredibly important to find support during such times <3

"I care for you more than you think"

Sans was always a father-figure for you, ever since you fell to the underground and left Toriel's home he allowed you to stay with him and his brother, he took care of you in his own way by taking you to places, meeting other monsters and allowing you your freedom but also protecting you and making sure you were safe by being near you often since you were just a kid to him.

Sans took quick notice of you using oversized clothing more than usual, and mostly long-sleeve shirts or hoodies (which he assumed you did to try and hide your body whether that be because you thought you were fat or something of that sort, it concerned him greatly) he would often touch your arm and pretend as if he were just patting near your arm/back/shoulder and would notice you were losing weight faster than he would expect someone to normally do.

After he took notice of such things he would often try taking you to a few more places like Grilby's or Muffet's, of course he never forced you to eat but he would always suggest it. Sometimes he would make hot dogs/cat dogs or make some waffles for you, if you refused he would just give a quick nod and let you be but he would leave the food near you or tell you that you should eat it later if you're really not that hungry right now.

At one point though it became a huge cause for concern as he noticed you started to distance yourself more from him and your friends, he decided enough was enough and fully confront you about it.

You broke down crying as he started to speak to you in a concerned tone of voice and started to confront you about your behavior. He didn't want you to feel bad but he was extremely worried and did not want you slowly killing yourself because of how you perceived your body.

He's a very good listener, maybe not the best at giving physical comfort but he's good at listening and giving advice. Ever since that day he would not force you to eat full on meals, no, he understood that people recover differently, and that it takes time. He made sure to take it slow and one step at a time. He would make small snacks at first, perhaps with some fruit or lower calorie foods so that you wouldn't feel too guilty about eating them and slowly making their way up to more higher calorie foods to fix your relationship with food and what you considered 'bad' and 'good' food.

He always reminds you about how you're much more than just your body but that you should also take care of it, and by taking care of your body you are not restricting yourself so much that it's slowly killing you.

He helps you out with eating, if you feel like you're going to get sick while eating he doesn't force you to continue, he always tells you how proud he is of you for eating just a little bit and that maybe next time you two can try something a bit more filling for not just the body but soul!

He's a great help in recovery, not only in helping you eat but also in your emotional support and physical support, whenever you feel too weak he takes care of you, whenever you feel down he listens. He may not know much on how to help but he makes sure to get different opinions from everyone and different ideas to help you out.

idk if this was good or not as I said before im suffering from burn out but ima try my best to continue writing a lot!!

[yoonalgc]

( ❀ Hello, everyone! ...What a surprise, right? It's me again... attempting to bring a girl into this world. WIll I succeed? Let's see. It's Sera here to introduce to you my character! She is brand new so I'm expecting her to grow as I write her. I've listed some plots at the bottom but I prefer to do brainstorming. I'm open to plotting in either Tumblr IMs or over Discord, whichever you prefer. Without further ado, please read my rambling. ( I'll have a pinned I'll post later. ) Like this post ♡ and we can plot! )

◡ profile / plots / pinterest / playlist

BACKGROUND !!

Born october 4th, 2001. ( 1004, she asserts reflects her — it is an angel number after all )

Grew up in Gumi which is a smaller city just outside of Daegu.

Parents were high school sweethearts who waited to start a family until he finished his military service and she finished school. Mother was a flight attendant. Father is a former professional choreographer.

Family used to be fairly well off before the drastic change and her mother's medical bills became increasingly more expensive.

They eventually moved to Seoul in 2016 when her father got an opportunity to choreograph for an entertainment company.

Father gave up his career after his wife’s passing in 2019 to attend to a portable convenience stand by the Han River once owned by his own father. Their formerly close relationship grew estranged and tense rather quickly.

Used to be a competitive archer. Failed to make it on the national team multiple times, nevermind the Olympics. Became easily discouraged and decided to quit after an argument with her father. She even threatened to drop out of school unless she could join a company to focus on her dancing.

Before lgc, she joined an entertainment company while in high school only to get scammed into a trainee program and drained of almost all her money via their training debt scheme.

Waited until she graduated to audition for Legacy Entertainment. Somehow, she got in... and from there, she begins to change a bit as a person.

PERSONALITY & MORE !!

Works at an arcade/PC Bang for now. She likes to sneak in a nap in the dinosaur safari VR machine.

She uses the nerf gun and water gun from the prize table to ward off unwanted guests or customers who overstay their welcome. Careful, she has great aim.

Oddly good at fixing things ( to a certain extent ), a trait she picked up from her brother who has a penchant for inventing. Being practical helps quite a bit, though.

She is no stranger to putting on an act to get something for free. a convincing & skilled liar. she even stole someone’s phone once to sell but will never admit this. jokes about needing a glucose guardian but never say never.

Tendency to be flirtatious. offers compliments — sincere & underhanded.

Only actually been in one serious relationship that she considers was worthwhile & lacks the motivation to pursue anything else. Often finds herself leading people on but falls for people easily as she's rather susceptible to romantic gestures, then forces herself to lose interest when things get a little too spicy.

Good listener. Purveyor of gossip. Collects many rumors, rarely spills to anyone. Tell things to her at your own risk. She will hardly speak a word about her own background ( and will even lie sometimes ) but is content to know everything about everyone else.

Has a good sense of humor and able to laugh at herself.

Actually kinda lazy about everything unless it's dancing. She just likes to say she's just laid back.

Speaking of dancing, she is especially into the art of waacking/tutting/vogueing, as she finds the elegant precision to be appealing and especially fun to do.

Very opinionated & can come across judgmental for her willingness to speak her mind, Notorious for reacting with her face ( ie. side eyeing ).

An introvert. Also claims to really hate people but is naturally social despite this.

Often plays a vain character, usually an exaggerated version of herself ( channeling Goddess Gyuri & Mijoo ) — perhaps to compensate for or conceal… something. Part of it being that she enjoys entertaining people with her antics. It is not rare to catch a glimpse at her "real self" but it's hard to even say what that even is.

Calm but when she's memeing and being crazy, she becomes unhinged. Like so.

A bit fickle & indecisive, sometimes allowing her impulses to take control of a decision ... or out of pure spite.

Had a time where she was so desperate for money, that she was willing to lie to get freebies or sympathy discounts. But we don't talk about that time anymore. It was just a phase.

Not malicious by any means but it is easy to interpret her actions as such. She desires attention and love in this aftermath of her life plummeting, and just goes about it in a rather unconventional way.

Hates people who smoke. Her mother's lung cancer being the main cause. If you smoke any substance, prepare for to be side-eyed and judged.

Lastly, she is @lgcxnoeul's weirdo cousin.

CONNECTIONS ??

anyone who comes to the arcade/pc bang. she's almost always there. bonus points if you're a bit of a menace or you want to challenge her to a game. the possibilities with this one are pretty endless!

flirtationships a plenty. applicable to any gender; she certainly does not discriminate. she is the type to unabashedly flirt, compliment people, or make flirtatious jokes. ( however when the heat comes, she usually resorts to aloof behavior and runs away. )

obviously people will be put off by her antics so frenemies and antis alike are welcome! antagonistic or toxic relationships are welcome in general.

gossip friend. what is said between us stays between us ... of other people's rumors, of course. but it's best to be careful who to trust with secrets.

fake friends. speaks for itself. mutually beneficial, forced laughter, eye rolls when the other looks away. she's been entrenched in this fake friend group just for the laughs

an ex. she's only dated one person in a serious way before and it didn't turn out too well... or it ended amicably. who knows? was a rather innocent relationship but it broke her heart. happened shortly after she joined lgc in 2020 or overlapped. discussion is required!!!

that being said, she most likely had a couple flings here and there that lasted a short time. she's prone to running away or getting "bored".

jokingly, she always says she wants a "glucose guardian" and you are the perfect candidate. she constantly convinces you to buy things for her ( mostly bubble tea ) or you might even do so willingly. either way, it makes her happy.

she has a "dark past" ( not so distant... maybe 5 days ago is considered the past ) in which she tried to fleece people out of money just to get by. don't look at her if she might have pretended to fall in front of you for sympathy, too.

this is vague but... people she can assist with dancing in any way or their overall confidence.

people who know her real personality and are tired of her putting on this strange over confident persona.

went to high school together ( Hanlim gang )

for the lgcu event, she is in younggong. i'm still figuring out what she will be doing but i will need one person from there to do a thread with.

[mattmaesonnatural]

i work for a media company and ive had this thing for a guy (i’ve known him for 4 years) who i am a cohost with on podcast (there’s 3 of us, the 3rd host is actually the lead talent and is basically like a father figure to me) for over a year now. We have good chemistry and thats as far as anything has gone.

Last summer i had a bad situation happen at a bar and i told him about it and he made me feel really safe about bringing it up to him and helping me through it.

Right now i feel like he is the last person i could trust to bring up that to.

I care about him. I do not think he is a terrible person. I know he is emotionally unavailable. But in the last 6 months or so has been very weird towards me in his behaviour. As in used to be super friendly chatty silly nice. To arrogant and straight up mean. I’ve gotten 4 dm’s in the last 6 months about how he treats me on the podcast and for a while (maybe i was blind) i did not believe those messages until as of late. (He does not know about these messages)

He has never been in a real relationship as far as i know (yes red flag) but I’ve had a few people tell me that he caught feelings and is self sabotaging the friendship or flirtationship or whatever this is (this happened about a month ago) i’ve taken it as he figured out that i have feelings for him and he hates me. Clearly we have not talked about this as i don’t want to rock the professional side of this.

I see this man about 3 times a week. But i noticed he stopped looking at my instagram stories, he stopped interacting with my content, he has stopped acknowledging me by my name (he calls me ma’am), he will ask the other guys i work with questions about their life but never me anymore, some of the bigger projects i’ve worked on some that he is even apart of he gave me no credit or even a good job. About 2 months ago i had a different producer step in to help as I couldn’t be on the show due to a bigger project i was working on, this producer had 8 episodes to take care of and i caught this man telling him he’s the face of the podcast as i was standing right behind him.

There’s a billion other bare minimum moments that made me think we were getting back to the friendship we had. But then theres other moments where it’s like it’s all ruined by his doing. I am a lover girl to my core, my other colleagues all very respect what i do and yet my own cohost has made me feel so frustrated and pissed off about his behaviour towards me i am considering leaving the podcast but i feel like i owe it to myself to be mature enough to bring up some of this behaviour and how it’s made me feel.

I don’t want to make this an HR issue. It feels too personal and explaining this to one of my good guy friends he told me to call him out on his bullshit cause he’s just being rude. That he’ll either make excuses or actually listen to what you are saying.

I might be too in my head about it but i want to be open and honest about this with him cause i want this to be fixed i want to make sure this comes across as i need you to understand that the things you do are making me feel this way and its up to you to decide what you’re going to do about it.

I just need advice on how i bring this up? how i can start this conversation without it turning in to a blame game? I have to do this otherwise i feel like im just throwing in the towel because i got my feelings hurt.

[traumatizeddfox]

hi! so i was wondering a couple of trauma-related things.

tws for: bullying, dissociation, educational trauma, medical trauma, burnout, self-esteem issues, self-harm/suicidal ideation, long ask (i don't know the importance of these so i'm listing them just in case)

so i've had some things happening to me recently, and in total, and i was wondering about what your perception of them might be, just because i'd like outside perspective.

cyber-bullying: when i was younger, during the pandemic, i was still in school. i played minecraft with my friends a lot on a server. one of the guys on the server, let's call him v, joined after the rest of us. i wasn't very good at minecraft, and as the only girl i was sometimes teased. after v joined he started doing things that were upsetting and i told him not to. for instance, he'd lure me to "help him with mining", then kill my character and make me lose progress. he'd chase me around and hit me with swords (in game). the worst experience i had with him was when he trapped my character in a room i couldn't escape, and just hit me over and over and didn't let me leave. when i brought it up to the server moderator he was reluctant to do anything, and the other guys there weren't very supportive. eventually, i got my parents to intervene, and i don't play minecraft with v (or on servers in general) anymore. my question: was this cyberbullying? am i right to still be sensitive about it?

medical trauma: i was diagnosed with a type of chronic headaches about a year and a half ago. every day, all day, my head would hurt. eventually, i got treatment, by process of routine procedures and an eventual semi-surgery/procedure requiring anesthesia. however, i sometimes/often get headaches nowadays, and i have a tendency to think my head hurts a lot. my question: would this be a trauma response to my previous headaches (ie, misconstruing/exaggerating/overreacting to small headaches)?

education trauma/dissociation/burnout: i am currently in high school, which i am having an awful time with. i used to have fun in school, and i like learning, but my highschool is very large. i have asd and issues with executive dysfunction, so i'm tired all the time after socializing at school. i have trouble focusing, and often feel very bad about not getting homework done. i am currently in a constant state of exhaustion, feeling like crying all the time. i've also noticed recently that when i'm at school i kind of check out, just stop being in myself per se, try to do something like reading that takes me away, and am sort of in a fugue state. my question: does this seem like dissociation? do you have suggestions for me to fix it?

self-esteem issues: i have issues with self-esteem where i have excessive guilt and respond to any criticism with self-hatred and beating myself up. there's a little voice in my head that tells me i'm awful, i have guilt attacks where i feel like stabbing or cutting myself. my question: do these things seem like they could be a symptom of trauma, or more of just rsd or something else?

thanks so much for consideration :) sorry the ask is so long

-anon ida

Hi Ida! Ill try to answer as best as I can but just remember I am not a mental health professional!

Cyberbully: I would def consider it cyber bullying, mainly because he was taunting you and just personally harassing you. even if its in-game, its still really annoying to have someone constantly chase after you, kill your character and lose progress, to me thats harassment.

Medical trauma: Im not very experienced in medical trauma, but I did get severe neck pain back in 2019/2020 and the pain was horrendous, i wasnt able to do anything, and when i get pain in my neck i get super anxious. It might not be medical trauma towards ur headaches, but it could be a panic disorder, like maybe you're in fear of the pain?

education trauma/dissociation/burnout: this one im not too sure, to me it sounds more like burn out, it could be a bunch of things honestly! it could be burn out, it could lack of vitamins, it could be a list of things

self esteem issues: i have similar issues, I think the same things about myself. I cant say for certain if it's trauma, if it's thing youve heard others say to you, it could be a series of things. it could be social anxiety, it could be depression, etc.

It's definitely best to get a professional psychologist, therapist, doctor, etc to give you proper advice and information! It's a little hard for me to answer since I don't know you personally and I also am not a trained mental health professional but thank you for the ask and I hope things turn around for you!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, if possible, it would be really helpful for this ask to be answered soon, but i understand if thats too much to ask. know you guys get a lot of these, so no pressure.

im looking for advice/an opinion i guess? trigger warning for dissociation, derealization.

so. recently ive been going through really severe identity disturbance and its been causing me a lot of suicidal thoughts and dissociative episodes. the core components of my self just keep changing, like my gender, name, sexuality, interests, etc. sometimes i feel like a completely separate person and its really upsetting because each time it happens i think, "ok, so i figured myself out finally and this is who i am now." but then it goes and changes again and i hate it. i just want to be a fixed person i dont want to keep changing. im so confused and upset. along with this, i also have episodes/moments where nothing feels real. where the world feels fake and as if im living inside another persons imagination or dream. sometimes it feels like im just daydreaming and im a fictional character or something, and when i feel like that i operate as though my actions have no real consequences and that nothing bad can happen to me or that it doesn't matter if i ignore or be mean to people, because its not real. sometimes i feel like im trapped in my own body except its not really mine, or if it is it doesnt feel like mine, because i dont know what im supposed to feel like if that makes any sense. i feel like i dont know who i am.

ive considered before that this could be bpd or osdd, but i dont think i could have either of those? because i didnt have a very traumatic childhood. it wasnt perfect, and i was raised around some verbal abuse and spanked but nothing that warrants whats happening to me now and that makes it all the more upsetting. i dont know why im like this. there couldnt possibly be anything that bad that happened to me to cause this, right?? but then again im not truly sure. i dont want to accidentally convince myself that something did happen to me, but i dont remember a lot of my childhood. i dont remember feeling anything. i know i did, and i remember events through people telling/reminding me that they happened but i dont remember experiencing or feeling anything firsthand, really.

im sorry if this was a lot. do you know what this might be, or the possible causes? i dont know who else to ask or what to do. i dont feel like "myself" and im scared.

- jory

Hi Jory,

What you experienced certainly could be traumatizing, and it's important to remember that trauma isn't defined by what happened, but rather by the degree to which we're affected by it. There are many factors that influence someone's resilience, which is their ability to recover from stressful or potentially traumatic events. This means that one person may not be traumatized by something that another person experiences severe trauma symptoms over, and vice versa. It's also worth noting that not being able to remember a lot of your childhood suggests there's more going on here, especially considering that amnesia is often a characteristic of dissociative disorders.

That being said, while what you are experiencing could be a part of OSDD, it could just be various levels of depersonalization and derealization, such as feeling like your body isn't yours or that things aren't real. You know yourself best at the end of the day, and it should ultimately be up to you how you describe or label your experiences.

Ultimately, if you can access or afford it, this is something to ask a mental health professional such as a therapist, who is much more knowledgeable in identity disturbance and how to treat this. They can help you explore your childhood and why you have trouble remembering it, and potentially evaluate you for the disorders you've previously considered.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[transmasc-wizard]

woe, blorbo problems be upon ye you get Allistor problems!!!! "How do i let people close to me. Every time i get close with someone i just. cant handle it. i push them away and run or just try to escape in any way possible. Every time i've gotten close to someone they die, get mortally wounded because of me, or backstab me. I feel like i am a bad omen. I feel as if I should just leave my city and go somewhere where i cant hurt anybody, even if it means im alone. I just. get horribly anxious when someone gets close, like they're going to "find me out" or that they'll wait for me to be vulnerable with them and use it against me and do what... Moon did to me. But i dont want to be alone, I want to connect with people."

u will get both BookOne!Corey and BookFive!Corey because i think it's funny to see the juxtaposition of their answers

~

"Are omens real in your world? If so, maybe you are one. i don't say that to let you wallow in self pity or whatever. From a logical angle: are you capable of actually being a bad omen? if so, fuck the whole 'earning to trust and connect' thing, your first step should be finding out how to fix that. if you can't... i dunno. do drugs about it? find other omens to hang out with? or-"

[One!Corey is interrupted as Five!Corey covers his mouth.]

"Ignore everything he just said. Well... actually, finding out if you are a real omen is a good idea, but it's not the important part. My real advice is: get therapy. You sound like my friend Bea when she was sixteen, and that's a fucked up place to be. No one wants to be sixteen-year-old Bea. She wasn't able to get proper therapy, but she found resources, and it helped. A lot. You sound like you have serious trauma manifesting in several ways. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to make it go away, but you can calm it. Literally, just get therapy, whether it's a real therapist or even shit you read and put together yourself."

~

book 5 corey: you are deeply hurting and definitely mentally ill. please consider seeking professional help for your issues.

book 1 corey: idk. drink away your problems or something

[my-brainhurts]

I've been considering going to therapy recently. More seriously than I was before at least. It's not really for personal reasons more for professional. My anxiety is going to weigh me down more and more as I go into a job that i actually care about l.

I've realised that my coping with that anxiety is breeding resentment. Every small aspect of my job starts to feel more and more stressful and I start blaming that stress on anyone and anything around me and the pressure builds up and up in that bottle till I just need to throw the whole thing out since it's rotten. It's fine for now when my timelines are in semesters but if i start a real job and have to be at it for years on end im worried I'll ruin it all myself.

I don't know why I'm so hesitant to get professional help. It's scary to talk to people in general. Im worried they'll think there's nothing wrong with me. Im worried they'll think something is seriously wrong with me. If i fix this what of me is left in the end. What am I without the shadow. But does the shadow even exist or is it all in my head.

Im swinging wildly between i want help I don't want help there's nothing wrong with me. Im becoming a slave to my own emotions, my moods.

I've been dissociating recently. Not in a mental illness way really but in an ostrich way. Just turn your brain off for a weekend, a week, a month, a semester, a degree. Maybe things will be fixed when you pull your head out of the ground. Probably not. Im ruining my own life, my future and I can't see it.

[girls4etho]

fucking.eg myself ventramble it got way too long im putting it under a cut so i can still feel better by posting it

qughhh fuckin. idk man. i dont even knoe Whats wrong exactly... like maybe im just not talking to people enough but i dont know how to fix that because. i am by nature picky with who i talk to, because i dont Like having to force conversation. so if its that then i guess im just screwed forever. its not even that. home or school are particularly more stressful than normal i know im complaining about exams but i dont Feel like thats causing all this. i just cant Do It. "it" being... live in thie fucking life i guess. which dkesnt make SENSE bc i have friends i have a boyfriend i have. a more stable home life than ever. my parents just got engaged. for the first time in my life im not being harrassed constantly and im not at risk of that happening again. we arent going to be homeless randomly ever again. everything should be getting BETTER but i think kf going and doing. literally anything at all makes me feel like ill die. fucking. i dont know. its bad enough that im considering trying to get professional help again even though well. last time. god i dont know anymore. i really need to get... like a mood tracker diary thing. or something. because our memory is so shit that every single time i get upset i feel like its never ever happened before and ill never get out of it. we really need to get on mood stabilisers i think. like i know logically this is probably just a crash and ill feel better in a few days because cian is like. Permanently Manic. at least a little bit. to the point he doesnt eat or sleep because he doesnt NOTICE going without it. god i dont even know. i started crging thinking about the wedding because i dont. there is no gender neutral formal outfit. im going to be fucking miserable for thr entire thing. god. whatever. your shoes wont bw wet forever etc etc

[pinerpal]

Autocad 2021 for mac m1

#Autocad 2021 for mac m1 how to

#Autocad 2021 for mac m1 for mac

#Autocad 2021 for mac m1 mac torrent

Note: Each trial must be downloaded separately. See how using a specialized toolset can speed your work. Find your local educational reseller here. Try AutoCAD and/or any of the industry-specific toolsets that are included when you subscribe. Learn more about hardware and system requirements. This update is recommended for all users. If you don't have a continuous connection to the Internet and want to install Help locally, you can download the offline Help from the product Help menu when you have an Internet connection. The offline Help isn't automatically installed with the product. It also improves user experience and overall stability of the product. The product Help documentation is available online and offline.

#Autocad 2021 for mac m1 for mac

If you’re currently using SOLIDWORKS and considering a move to Apple hardware, or if you’re currently an Apple user and are considering SOLIDWORKS, we suggest contacting your local reseller ( UK and Ireland) to discuss the pros and cons of using SOLIDWORKS on mac OS before making any final decisions. AutoCAD for Mac 2021 Download SHARE The 2021.1 Update fixes compatibility issues with macOS Big Sur. DraftSight is also available for macOS as a beta version. Here's the test results and my experience. It pops up a windoe saing im not authorised to open this application, get in contact with your administrator. AutoCAD runs on MacBook Pro M1 Pro using Rosetta 2 Translation for Intel version of software. This includes eDrawings Viewer for macOS, as well as eDrawings and eDrawings Professional for iOS. get autocad 2021 for mac working on new M1 mac Hi, i have a problem of geting the authorisation for opening the autocad app 2021 for mac. SOLIDWORKS do develop several other applications that are available for macOS and iOS. Watch the video above for a guide to this, alternatively, visit the original Solid Solutions article here. 1 for Mac was available from the developers website when we last. There are other considerations such as graphics performance and the applications you are using SOLIDWORKS for. 4 Easiest Adobe CC 2021 All Products Universal Crack Patcher For Mac & M1freeload. SOLIDWORKS cannot run directly on macOS, so first you will need to install Windows on your Mac using an application such as Boot Camp or Parallels. Adobe zii 2021 m1 Adobe Zii, first released in 2016 by the TNT project is a manual.

#Autocad 2021 for mac m1 mac torrent

We therefore would NOT recommend this setup above a Windows based professional workstation.Īlthough SOLIDWORKS will run on OS X there are some major considerations to be aware of. Mac Torrents: Download Mac Torrent Apple, Mac, Apps, Software,Games. Specifically, the M2 CPU will likely feature the same eight CPU cores as the M1.

#Autocad 2021 for mac m1 how to

However, the limit of this support is that although it will install, it may not run well as Macs rarely have supported graphics cards. Download AutoCAD for Mac How to Install AutoCAD for Mac 2021. Take advantage of Vuzes best features like streaming from your Mac to your TV, meta search. We know quite a few users running SOLIDWORKS successfully on a Mac, and SOLIDWORKS recently updated their system requirements to include virtualisation such as parallels. Vuze is the most powerful bittorrent Client for Mac OSX.