#im convinced i have bpd

[ienvieu]

bros i don't feel so fly anymore

[elytrafemme]

top 10 funniest mental illness bits in my life is getting into arguments with my therapist repeatedly over not getting a diagnosis for something debilitating me and then going to college and taking an online test (with her encouragement, and on a zoom call WITH HER talking over every question and its accuracy to the condition etc) that says You kind of have this condition. and she was like yeah you might have tendencies. and despite literally insulting her over this very topic before i just go Oh okay that makes sense ^_^ and then i no longer believe i have these tendencies at all. girl WHAT ?

[koisurubeam]

im 2 good and pure 4 this world nobody deserves me im not even being self aggrandizjng btw. ppl i knew in high school called me a pussy fetushist once snd said it was classic lesbian behaviour to be a terf but i still sent them hot chocolaye + throw blankets in the mail this year for xmas because. wait actually why the fuck did i do that thats insane

[bluinary]

Whoa I'm really sad!!

[rattusn0rvegicus]

I think I'm just never going to fit in with coworkers as long as I'm working in the more mainstream psych field and I'm always going to be the odd one out because I give the people we are supposed to be helping as much choice as I can and don't talk about them with derision behind their back esp people with BPD

I just don't understand how a single diagnosis invalidates all of a person's very real suffering and cries for help

Nothing will ever make me understand that.

[carrieway]

grips you all by the shoulders i dont know how much longer i can keep doin this man

vent n suicide mention in the tags i ran out of tags so i cant tag it dear lord it's all angst

[sol1loqu1st]

i'm going to be seeing a new therapist later this month & i want to bring up possibly/probably having osdd, but i know that since more people have been kinda learning about what DID and osdd actually *are* there's been an influx of ppl claiming to have it (ftr it is NOT my place to tell people they're faking lmao, i don't care if someone claims to have a disorder and then later it turns out they don't & i don't think most ppl are "faking." it's between them & their therapist if they have it or not and it harms no one to self dx, people taking it less seriously isn't the fault of self dxed people either)

but anyway i'm worried that if i go into a therapist's office and immediately tell them i think i have Today's Trendy Disorder i won't be taken seriously. but at the same time there is really obviously *something* going on with me that isn't just normal depression & anxiety and treatment methods for bpd (like dbt, mood stabilizers, etc) haven't helped even a little bit over the several years i've been seeking treatment for it so i'm starting to suspect there's something else going on i haven't been seeing & honestly after talking with my last therapist abt stuff (who i was seeing for bpd/trauma stuff but looking back they were pretty obviously trying to get me to figure out i had a dissociative disorder, whether or not i do they certainly thought so) i'm realizing that some of the things i experience are a lot less normal than i thought and may be consistent w/ an osdd diagnosis (probably not DID because i don't really experience significant memory stuff though lol. i do a little but it's less "can't remember at all" and a little more like waking up from a dream where i can recall the gist of stuff but it feels far away)

i don't even know what id do with a diagnosis though. honestly i just want answers and a place to start in regards to treatment more than anything else

(advice welcome but not expected)

[ofsunhillow]

i love. mood swings!

[nnugatoryextravagance]

Wow ok there goes another discord server I've been kicked out of without notice, I'm having so much fun today guys (is in agony)

[eileennatural]

honestly i am pretty concerned about how easily irritated i get like no one else i've ever met has such severe mood swings.... literally sometimes just hearing people being a little bit noisy can set me off and it's not like I do anything about it (besides my severe rbf) but like. I WANT to be nice friendly person and i feel like I used to be? Like in elementary school

[hibiscan]

.

[nezzling]

Me going on a rant about my struggles with eating, hydration, and addiction and jokingly saying "I need a caretaker I swear to god" to be met with "I'll happily be your caretaker, you know, if the job position is open" whaaat I'm screaming, crying, throwing up, so go get a mop mate cause you're on duty now

[rottingsick]

I don't like the idea of havin bipolar bc it makes my narc loss of control meltdowns worse. like what do you mean I just have to feel like shit for months on end and there's nothin I can do about it. I thought I was better than this.

[ryn-stillstanding]

i feel annoyed at how bpd is talked about.

not about the stereotypes that are played into, but it’s more about the fact that every time i want to learn more about my illness, all i can find is: “they have very unstable relationships which makes them feel bad and then they act out cause they are impulsive”

that’s a simplification and over exaggeration - but it’s true.

even in bpd subreddits, it’s people complaining and talking about their relationships and how it messes with them, asking for opinions.

i don’t mean to sound insensitive, because these are real issues. but im just tired of the other symptoms being ignored.

for me, it’s constant chronic (2+ years) intrusive suicidal thoughts, constantly feeling like i am being judged by those around me, sh’ing because i “need to be punished for my mistakes”, and being unable to tell anyone around me what i am going through because “if they knew, they would hate me”. its being so empty that i can’t tell if i, or the world around me, really exists.

it’s isolating, swinging from happy to suicidal in just a few minutes. it’s feeling rage because nobody knows what ive been through, but being unable to tell anyone. it’s repeating my worst memories over, and over, and over again until i can’t take it anymore.

im not comparing experiences, they are all valid. but i am tired of not seeing any representation of my experiences in bpd communities - and of seeing 700 “my boyfriend did [x] and then i did/feel [y]” posts instead.

am i alone in how i feel? do i even have bpd?

somehow, even after a diagnosis, i convince myself this is something i have made up for attention, even if its something that i never talk about.

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Oh nooooo somebody stole my Aidlyn/Ashden headcanons so now I have to write more ... ✨️

(SORRY IM SPAMMING THE TAG 😭😭😭)

Some of these are based on my dad because he has bpd and he really reminds me of Aiden.

-His sense of humor is so broken like. Probably makes "that's what she said" and "your mom" jokes. Ash thinks he is the unfunniest person alive 🤡 and she STILL laughs at him (but never when he's trying to be funny). I think he'd be on Vine a lot lmao. He would laugh at that video of the bread slice falling over no cap.

-Aiden Clark, Professional Doomscroller. Maybe an itty bitty bit addicted to social media cuz "omg easy dopamine hit" even if he doesn't post a lot. Would prolly be chronically on TikTok if he was a teen today 🤡 Ash WILL steal his phone and hide it so they can "do something productive" (which alternates between her trying to teach him basic life skills to him falling out of a tree because they went outside for five minutes)

-her parents also gave him a truly awful shovel talk. He came out of it, kneeled in front of her, and said if he broke her heart to kill him before her parents did 💖 Tyler and him bond about their "scary in laws", although he has a better relationship with Mike and Emma than Tyler does with Mary and James 🤡

-convinced her to go to prom because "free food" and managed to wrangle out a slow-dance from her. He already likes dancing, SHE likes dancing...he wants to dance together ^_^

-She really likes his normal smile, when he's not forcing it. He takes good care of his teeth, so he's got a real bright smile :)

-Aiden tried to teach her how to skateboard a few times. She can...stand on it without falling off and roll around, but no tricks lol. Ash still thinks it was just an excuse for him to grab her hands or waist while she was balancing.

-Some problems in the relationship: they are not very good at communicating how they feel, so there's a lot of misunderstandings between them unless the gang intervenes haha ":D Sometimes Ash feels very suffocated by him and she really dislikes his apathy towards himself, and Aiden sometimes feels like Ash doesn't care about him nearly as much as he cares about her.

-his depressive episodes alternate between "I'm just gonna lie here and hope I die" to "actively trying to self destruct", sometimes he might go on a binge (overdosing on his meds, and when he's older he might sometimes drink too much or go on really dangerous joy rides, he's an awful driver), they really freak Ash out :( Recovery is a very long road with no end destination. She's trying to get better at reassuring him and he's trying to...just get better.

-both of them suck at remembering their anniversary 🤡 Aiden is a littleeeee bit better

-They have a knife collection they share ❤️

-he has her as "love of my life 💖✨️😍" on his phone contacts and has a special ringtone for her and everything. Absolutely not embarrassed about it, Ash...definitely is 💀 (she has him as "Aiden")

-sends her really bad poetry he wrote for her because writing his feelings down by himself is easier than saying it in the moment. Ash keeps all of them in a shoebox in her closet.

-she's not really good with touching and stuff but she feels better touching him, like a good stim. Really likes holding his face (no eye contact). Also enjoys him holding her hand.

-Secretly a little insecure about how she looks. She has never really thought about it before because she never cared about it, but now, in a relationship, she's kinda self conscious about him perceiving (read: constantly staring) her. She's very short and thin (even with muscles from ballet and training) and feels like a "late bloomer." Aiden thinks she's the closest thing to physical perfection that exists and will tell her this constantly ^_^

-She actually likes how he smells (grâce à: his really expensive soap lmao) but she would die before telling him lol

-The first time she kissed him her brain kinda shut off and she just squished their faces together while puffing her cheeks up. He bust out laughing and completely murdered the mood 💀 They'll figure it out...eventually

[melonnabar]

A boostle head canon.. probably not rly a head canon but

I’d like to think booster’s place is messy as fuck and he rarely ever cleans it up because he does all of the tidying for Teddy’s apartment instead! Like he finds it much much easier to take care of other people (Especially Teddy) rather than himself also because Ted is somehow significantly worse at looking after himself?

Also hc booster has BPD 😁 That favorite person hyperfixation is CRAZY and so is the imposter syndrome (definitely not projecting)

Idk just thinking about whenever Ted is staying up until 3 am working in the beetle cave or his work office in his apartment n Booster just slides in and gives him some midnight snacks n water or tries n convince him to go to bed because he’ll bitch about it tomorrow if he doesn’t sleep,,

Or ted ends up having to stay overtime at a Kord industries meeting and Booster makes a shit ton of yummy healthy food in the meantime for ted to come home to,,

Im obsessed w housewife booster augshhhh

ALSO THESE IMAGES

All the little things,,, esp booster remembering to do something for Ted’s bday bc he’s the only one who never forgets!!

Something about nagging/worry wart Booster is so endearing??

I also picture booster keeping track of every little detail abt ted even if he makes fun of him for some of them? Like I’d like to think that while boos teases ted abr his heart condition he is still VERY mindful of it n tries to help Ted with food n lifestyle stuff